#googled Why the Fuck is this happening and one of the reasons could be stress

[ishikawayukis]

as if this month couldn't get worse i got my period a full ass week earlier that i should've lmao

[aviradasa]

Tlb x gingersnaps!reader pt 2

Heres a short pt 2 to my Gingersnaps! Reader. Her nails are growing, her scars are healing and her temper is through the fucking roof. Let's see how this goes. These first chapters are kinda Paul and Marko centered but that will change later on

This got deleted from my Google docs twice so this is it's third time being written. 😭

@vxncevis

Warnings: swearing, mentions of gore, gaslighting the fuck out of David for fun, the ususal.

Pt 1

My masterlist

“It really got you Good. DAMNIT!” Marko shouts as he paces around; it almost reminds you of an animal trapped in a cage.

They had begun looking at my wounds, which, upon further inspection, were already healing. The bleeding had stopped already. So I don't really understand why he's freaking out.

“It's fine, really. I'm ok; look, see, they already stopped bleeding. I'm OK, seriously,” I tell him in an effort to calm his Nerves even though my speech still isn't how it should be due to being lightheaded from the bloodloss previously.

“That's the problem! Those wounds should have killed you. And the only reason they didn't is cause it infected you!” He says back before Paul lets out a sigh.

“He's right. You should have been long dead By the time we got here. Especially having passed out.” he Agrees as I glance Between the two of them in confusion.

“What do you mean infected?! Like I'm gonna turn into one of those things? No. No, I don't wanna be a fucking dog!” I exclaim in fear, I had intended on becoming a vamp once I felt ready but now that has been robbed from me.

“ No, no, listen. There's gotta be some way to stop this From happening, right, Marko?” Paul asks as him as he approaches us with a sigh sliding his hand down his face in a stressed manner before taking a seat next to me.

“ How the hell should I know? The only thing I can think of is Maybe giving her some of the blood that we have back of the cave, but we don't know how it would react with werewolf venom.” He replies with a shrug. All three of us sit in silence for a moment the tension High.

“ I don't know, maybe we should tell David and Dwayne. They know a lot more about this than us. Maybe they could help.” Paul throws out before I spring forward Grabbing hold of his arm.

“ NO! You can't tell them! They Might wanna just kill me. We can't tell them not yet. We can figure this out ourselves! Just Us three, please. Just don't tell them yet!” I plead, unknowingly digging my nails into his jacket as Marko eases me back.

I don't wanna take any chances.i know they probably wouldn't kill me but the thought claws at the back of my head. Though I can't hell but wonder if I may end up hurting them, and I really don't wanna think about that.

“Cool it with the nails girl. Fine. We won't say anything yet. But if this starts getting out of hand then we have to say something deal?” He agrees holding his hands up In surrender.

I let out a breath I didn't know that I was holding at his agreement before we all decide to leave. They help me stand which proves more difficult then I expected.

Marko helped me get to the bikes as Paul scoped up ahead. I didn't release how far I had actually run until we had to backtrack. Maybe it was just more painful due to the wounds; I couldn't tell.

We speed back to the cave as fast as the boys could drive, they snuck me in through a back entrance that I didn't even know about, I quickly made a b-line To my ‘room’ a little spot of the cave covered partially By rocks and old curtains from the hotel, immediately curling up in my bed.

The next night, it felt like a flip switch. The pain was unbearable, and I didn't even wanna move. It felt like period Cramps but worse. Plus it was only Fueling the frustration I've felt all damn day.

“What the hell is your problem?” David asked with an eye roll as he walked past the sofa I was sitting on with Dwayne.

Me and him have been butting heads all day cause of his Cocky ass attitude and his control freak tendency. So of course I naturally gave him a dirty look.

“ what's my problem? You. You and your attitude that's my problem.” I shoot back, earning a side eye from Dwayne, who goes back to minding his own business, not really wanting to put himself between this argument. Though he does enjoy listening To all the drama going on.

“I'm the problem huh? Please enlighten me on what this imaginary attitude is cause I'm lost here.” He snaps back in a sarcastic tone as he takes a step back.

He hates how you've been jumping on his case all night, and his patience is wearing thin.

“ you want a list? Sweetheart, I can go on all night-” I start, but before my frustrations can be vented, Paul and Marko arrive from town with Laddie, who takes one look at me and goes the opposite direction, Which makes me frown a bit.

The kid avoid conflic as much as he can. It's almost like he can sense it when he walks it the room and I hate Being the cause of it.

“Hey, what's going on here?” Paul asks as he evaluates the situation with an unsure look as Marko ventures off, Not before setting the food down. shooting me a look like that of a mother silently scolding a child in the grocery store before he walks away.

“ hes being a dick like usual.” I say as David turns to me in disbelief at the accusation.

“ I'm the dick? I haven't done anything to you today, you've been jumping on my ass since The sun went down!” He defends as Paul jumps in.

Apparently though the only way he knows how to deescalate a situation is to pick a side.

“ I mean you can be a dick sometimes. It's not your fault though dude. You probably just don't realize you sound like one!” Paul tells him with a pat on the shoulder as Dwayne lets out a laugh, which he quickly cuts short, earning a look from all three of us.

“Sorry, I'm just gonna go. Damn,” he says, standing up to leave; he walks past Marko, who is headed over to us.

He Jokingly kicks at Dwayne's shin as he passes, Making him stumble slightly; both men let out chuckles. Dwayne doesn't stop walking though, as he turns to Marko with a grin. “ Why thank you.” he sarcastically states before he disappears into a deeper part of the hotel.

The whole interaction was only background noise though, as David tried to defend himself. “ are you fucking serious? Why is everything that goes wrong In this damn coven my fault?” He asks as Marko takes a seat next to me with a smile.

“ Hey, now you don't get blamed for ‘everything.’ You blame me and Paul for quite a bit.” He interjects, earning a jab in the rip from me.

Even i know it's not the time for marko to start on his bullshit. I just want David to leave me alone.

“That wasn't even the point I was making- am I just going crazy Here? You all were not this stupid yesterday. You know what? I'm out. Figure your shit out by the time I get back.” David shouts as he exits the hotel fully. The sound of his bike speeding off towards town is the only sound for a moment before they both turn to me.

“What the fuck was that? Why the hell Would you start shit with him today? If it comes down to needing his help don't you think it might be best to play nice?” paul exclaims as he turns to me with a look of bewilderment.

“Well, it's not gonna come to me needing his help because we have this covered. Right?” I argue back, a bit unsure of how they both stare back at me like they are hiding something

“Oh my god, what's the problem? Just tell me.”

“so we have a little bad news. Turns out there's only 2 weeks before your first full moon.” marko drops, as paul sits at my other side snatching a slice of the pizza he and paul brought back.

“ Oh, and that speeds up the process leading to your transformation, which can explain why you're acting like a total bitch.” paul adds on with a laugh, as me and Marko look at him in disbelief.

I honestly can't belive he said that to me. But as I begin to process his bullshit marko jumps in.

“dude really? Just cause we are thinking it doesn't mean you gotta say it. ” Marko says to him with a laugh before i actually take a swipe at him with my nails, which have grown a surprising length since the attack.

He Avoids it with ease though, jumping up from the couch and I lunge at him. It's almost like he enjoys me trying to attack him as he does nothing but instigate using Paul's stupid ass word phrasing as a foundation.

I can already tell this is gonna be the most annoying 2 weeks of my life. Though I can't tell if that's me talking or the strange hunger gnawing at my stomach…

The next day I am heading into the lobby of the hotel when someone grabs my arm, yanking me into a darkened area of the cave.

Just as I'm about to strike them they catch my wrist.

“ don't it's just me. I know everything and I may have a solution.”

[isat-script-project]

Your amazing work here has inspired me to want to try doing a script project for DQB2 and I was wondering if you had any advice for me?

I'm gonna assume that's some sorta dragon quest game?

Well, ISAT really is a blessing in this regard, because the game is not encrypted at all. Accessing files and all text via rpgmaker MV and VSC is incredibly easy.

okay this got really long i'm putting it under the cut.

But before you get started, there really are some things you need to ask yourself first:

How am I going to get the text from this game?

If your answer is "write it down by hand as I play" then already know that there HAS to be a better way. If you're choosing that method, get yourself emulation, save states, or endless patience, because hooh boy, I've done a little bit of that for a different project (no, I will not elaborate) but save scumming on original hardware to get different dialogue options is agony.

Is there a text dump for your game? Is there a file dump or decomp for your game? Do you have the technical know how to access it? If not, are you confident in your knowledge of the game to accurately identify where all dialogue may occur? If not, are you satisfied missing out on nothing lines and just focusing on the non-optional? Is your game linear enough to not need a closer look at the code to figure out what happens when, as isat does?

2. What's my scope?

Again, do you truly want every line from this game, or just what's "important"? I personally cannot rest until I've exhausted the fucking Menus (which is why there's a script page for those, too) because I'm a completionist with delusions of grandeur, but some people are satisfied transcribing the cutscenes and nothing else (MUCH TO MY ANNOYANCE WHEN I NEED THE OTHER STUFF.... nobody cares about the optional collectible npc dialogue BUT I CARE!!! I CARE!!!!!)

Anyways, what exactly your scope is is gonna significantly influence what your next step looks like.

3. How am I going to present this?

Making the isat script project an individual website mainly came down to how finicky the dialogue in isat is. There's conditionals stacked on conditionals and I wanted a space where I had total control over how to present these factors without influence.

For more linear games, like, say, that time I made all the fewiki scripts for Fire Emblem 6 from chapter 12 onward, it was easy enough to present the scripts on a wiki page just because the game is much more linear, there's less dialogue to begin with, and all conditional text could be nicely divided up into similar groups, like boss dialogue where the condition is just "fight boss with x character".

isat script project would not exist without my fire emblem fixation, fun fact. other fun facts include that as a child i attempted to novelize Mario Party DS by transcribing all story mode text into a booklet by hand, and I did not finish this for reasons that are hopefully obvious.

This is, as you may figure, way easier to do. There is significantly less burden on you to actually understand how a website works - I cannot stress enough that the current state of the script project is only possible thanks to Gold, and without them, we'd still be at all dialogue being formatted as <p><b>Siffrin:</b> Says some text.</p>

For a lot of older games, you can also find whole game scripts being put up into a single document. Tis common on gamefaqs, I've used those plenty. There I believe you're just working with plain ol txt.

The rule is always though look at examples and if they do something cool figure out whether you can copy it. i did not create the website layout myself, i used a base and fiddled with it for a whole weekend until it stopped exploding.

Again, like, using an existing structure like a wiki or gamefaqs or just google docs or a spreadsheet is a significantly eased burden. One of my favorite things ever is actually a text dump on github, of all places. For this one, the person putting it up chose to leave all text in as close to original state as possible, doing no trimming of things like character emotes and leaving in all original string titles of every line. This is also incredibly useful, even if it is more difficult to use for your average schmoe! (This has fucking saved me doing wiki stuff for engage. engage text dump i ADORE you)

Do you want to be as accurate to the code as possible, or as accurate to the game? Do you have the time, energy, and skills to make the visual presentation nice? Or do you want to keep it rudimentary to streamline your process?

If you ARE doing something like making your own website, it is crucial that you figure out your visuals early, lest you be like us, and be stuck in Reformatting Hell for several months, because someone figured out how to make a thing prettier and nicer to read, and now you need to update the 100+ pages you've already created.

Reformatting code like that takes just as long as making a page in the first place, by the by, because you're just not getting around copy-pasting everything line by agonizing line.

This stuff takes HOURS. If I went at it alone, I doubt I'd have finished by now, or within the next like, two years. This is a really time consuming hobby, and I love doing it a lot, it scratches my exact fixation itch, but if your game is huge, consider seeing if people would be interested in joining you? I will also say being autistic about your game of choice is also a bonus in the sustainability department.

Many a times there were just no updates (as they are now) cuz I am just. Distracted by something else. Like yes on one hand I'm going to uni now and have less time but it's not really less time if I can still put 17hrs into a new video game in three days.

Stuff like this is ALWAYS a long-term project and you WILL need to take time off from it or else you'll start seeing html in your dreams and get burnout.

STREAMLINE YOUR PROCESS!!! FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THIS WITH AS LITTLE EFFORT AS POSSIBLE!!!! Gold introduced me to Espanso, which is a program that lets you set up keyboard shortcuts to insert phrases, which was a MAAAAAASSIVE time saver in the html department, as it allowed me to just rapid fire paste in all the many html classes we stacked for the presentation of the site. even if you are doing a script on a wiki where everything does look like ['''Siffrin:''' says a thing] you will still be doing yourself a favor if you can shorten that '''Siffrin:''' to just typing :s .

As a side note, I also wanna say like. The popularity of isat script project is a complete outlier. Other game scripts may be used by a maniac like me to overanalyze the plot structure of Sonic 06, but you're very likely not going to see that recognition. I love doing this, because I want these resources to exist for myself. I don't do this for the good of the fandom, but because it is useful to me. I started this because I was writing isat fanfic, and got tired of looking up dialogue on youtube or booting up my own game.

Do I know if anyone found my FE6 scripts useful? No. Do I know if anyone is going through Veyle/Quotes and appreciating that I transcribed all the fucking battle voice clips? No. Do I know if someone appreciates me accurately labelling all voice lines from the ring polishing minigame in engage? Hell no. I don't know, I'm never going to get feedback on that. Those are wiki pages, anyone can edit them, they don't have viewcounts or comments I can look at, and the fandom just isn't as prone to taking screenshots and posting about them line by line as isat.

Isat blew the fuck up on tumblr. I'm not saying you'll get no recognition at all, but if you are relying on external motivators, you are probably going to peter out. There are pages I've worked on for other script things that I've genuienly not touched in two years because I just didn't feel like it, and that's also okay.

TLDR:

Figure out how to get the text you need with the least effort possible (and figure out whether doing that is even possible at all!), figure out what scope you're actually willing to put up with, and present it with the least effort possible, because everything else just isn't sustainable. Streamline streamline streamline. Be prepared to spend hours on this and maybe like find a new favorite podcast to just copy paste text to, because honestly, doing this is also pretty zen.

And most importantly, sparkle on, don't forget to have fun! Even if it seems big and intimidating, you can still make it just a fun side project, and slowly chip away at it over time. Rome wasn't built in a day, and with all the advantages going for isat script project (additional manpower, unencrypted files, easy tools for game examination) it still took over a year to complete.

(loop voice) Don't make the same mistakes I did, okay?

oh, yeah, one last thing, if you're not putting it on a wiki and ARE making your own website, ABSOLUTELY PUT IT ON GITHUB!!!! setting up so any changes to the main branch on github get reflected onto neocities is pretty easy and you only need to do it once, and what this allows is to just have random strangers show up and fix your problems for you. sometimes someone will just show up and fix five bajillion typos and then leave. or they'll stick around and help with more stuff and wowie you have a semblance of a team now.

if you're doing it on a wiki, find like, the wiki discord, if someone is interested in chipping in. if you're doing your own website, put it on github. do it. do it do it do it.

[livesincerely]

i was just reading back through your writer’s desks and remembered how much i loved the slideshow au! no pressure but do you have anymore thoughts on it? it’s just one of my faves <3

The outline/notes for that one are still in the very early stages but I’m happy to share what I’ve got so far!

00000

He’s waiting for Tony to come back from the bathroom, the next episode of Crime Scene Kitchen queued up on the tv, when his phone vibrates with a text from Jack.

this prod meeting is running long, probs won’t be back until late. Go ahead and watch w/o me

Everything ok?

ya but part of the set got busted during a scene change so I gotta figure when/how to fix it before tomorrow night

I’ll put your takeout in the fridge and save you some egg rolls

and that’s why you’re my favorite

Say hi to Medda for me

of course

“Jack’s not going to be home until late,” Davey announces as Tony wanders back into the living room. “He says we should start without him.”

….

“Dave,” Tony says, sighing deeply. “Why am I looking at a PowerPoint titled, “Jack Kelly + David Jacobs: A Comprehensive Argument for Maintaining Equilibrium.”

Davey pins him with a scathing look. “It’s a Google Slides presentation, you godless heathen.”

“What the fuck?” Tony asks, ignoring him, clicking rapidly through the screens. “When did you even make this?”

Davey shifts in his seat. “I mean, it’s more of a living document, so it’s never really finished—“

“Davey.”

“A couple years ago, I guess,” Davey says. “Give or take.”

Tony squints at the computer screen. “It’s saved on your old university account.”

“Okay, or maybe it was three months into junior year!” Davey admits, crossing his arms over his chest. “It was a stressful semester and I was super nervous about failing my animal science midterm and Jack was out on a date with that PoliSci major that lived upstairs and— And the when isn’t the point! The point is, according to my research, telling Jack isn’t worth the risk of ruining our friendship.”

“What are these graphs even measuring?” Tony asks, staring at one of the slides. “‘Overall Happiness, Jacobs v Others’?”

….

“Well, your math is absolute shit, for one thing,” Tony says, frowning at a graph entitled ‘Art Pieces per Subject’. Davey’s name is sitting in dead last. “There’s no way these numbers are right. Jack draws you literally all of the time.”

Davey frowns right back at him. “No, he doesn’t.”

“Uh, yeah he fucking does,” Tony disagrees. “You’re, like, one of his favorite things to make art of, period. He spends about half his time bitching about how copic doesn’t make a marker that matches your eyes—at this point I’m pretty sure he’s got more drawings of you than actual pictures.”

“I think I would’ve noticed if Jack suddenly started drawing me,” Davey scoffs, shaking his head. “It’s not like he’s subtle when something’s caught his eye. Plus, he lets me flip through his sketchbooks whenever he finishes filling one and I’m almost never in them.”

“Which one?” Tony asks.

Davey blinks. “Which one, what?”

“Which one,” Tony repeats, oddly intent. “Which sketchbook does he show you?”

“What do you mean, which one?” Davey asks, irritated. “The only one! The one he always— it’s not like it’s some big secret!”

Tony stares. Then Tony sighs.

Very quietly, Davey hears him mutter, “…pair of fucking morons.”

…..

“Okay, but, riddle me this,” Tony says. “Why don’t you just tell him? What’s the worst that could happen?”

“What’s the worst that could— I literally just went over all the reasons why that’s a horrible idea!” Davey exclaims. “It would ruin everything!”

“I really don’t think it would, Dave,” Tony says. “You and Jack… will ya at least think about it?”

“I’ve done nothing but think about it,” Davey says, and to his horror, he can feel his eyes starting to sting. “I can’t.”

“Want me to do it?” Tony offers, and he says it like a joke but Davey knows him too well to think that he’s anything but absolutely serious.

He jolts forward, arms outstretched as if to preemptively cram the words back down his throat. “Don’t you fucking dare, Tones, I am so fucking serious—“

“Okay, okay!” Tony says, holding up his hands in surrender. “I won’t snitch on your neurotic ass, even if it’d make you happier in the long run. My word as my bond or whatever.”

Davey huffs out a laugh, and it’s only a little teary. “Fuck you, my neurotic ass is the reason you made it to graduation, shithead.”

…..

“Hey, can I borrow your laptop?” Jack asks. “Mine’s dead and I left my charger at the theater.”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Davey absently responds.

…..

“Davey,” Jack says, voice straining. “What the hell is this?”

“What is what?” Davey asks.

“This.” He turns the laptop around and— oh shit. It’s The Argument.

He feels his blood run cold. “Oh,” he says. “That.”

“Dave,” Jack says, his mouth set in a hard, thin line. “Did you make a fucking PowerPoint about me? About us?”

Davey swallows. “…It’s actually a Google Slides presentation,” he says weakly.

…..

“You’re telling me this is nothing?” Jack demands, incredulous. He tilts the screen back to show Davey the current slide, which is just an enlarged photo of Jack’s handsome, smiling face, surrounded by a halo of red arrows and the caption, ‘JUST LOOK AT HIM,’ written in boldfaced text. “Nothing? Nothing at all?”

“Maybe we can stop looking at it now,” Davey says, loudly. He leans over the back of the couch, making another panicked grab for his laptop, but Jack dodges out of the way, clicking to the next slide.

[bettystonewell]

HELLO BEE👅EETH

Re: The WIP Folder Game -> Ahhh I see, Four Adults and a Baby got a new title! I like itttt

Have you decided yet whether you'll create an Aussie OC for Redacted / The Aussie Mistake? If so, anything you can tell us about her yet? :D Or have you got any other news / changes of the story? 👀

Hi Jolly!

Yup, new working titles!

At the moment, I’m playing with the original version, where the person is me running into Sam and Dean in an Aussie supermarket. The thing is, I kind of want them to stick around in the end and make them my house husbands above all else, but do you really want to read that?

Reducted comes from you mentioning that it’s the reverse of Abducted. We’ve got a parody, potentially more Aussie references, more of a chance for me to make fun of my own story/writing, plus them getting upset when they realise I wrote fanfics about them and what I’ve put them through... I’m not sure who will be more pissed about Snickerdoodles…

Only whatever the reason Sam and Dean are in Australia, it’s not as complicated as why Glowworm was brought to the States, not that I know how they got here yet. It’s a parody, I can turn something lame into a joke 😂

ETA - I just thought of something. Balthazar is upset with me for 1) never using him in a fic, and 2) my prior infatuation with THE SONG and Leo… And when I say, “But I can’t be the only one that fits the profile,” he’ll say, “No, but you’re the only one whose friend Jolly asked the question that inspired this mess.” - extreme 4th walling

So I’m going to leave you with some notes I have made for this version (I actually have some scenes written down in dialogue-point-form already):

They’ve been pulled from 2010 when the episode takes place, it’s 2025 here and still after the cyclone we had

That means their flip phones don’t work, but their credit cards do because I said so technology. I didn’t think about how they bought their groceries before that…

That also means it’s post COVID 😁 guess who gets to explain that?

So I will be getting them out of the raging hoard of bogans (Aussie rednecks) when they get noticed

I will drag them out to my car - Dean will not be impressed

Technically we should rearrange the car seats for Bobby-John and one of the big lugs in the back, but there’s not really time and I’m lazy so we all cram in

Conversations in the car will ensue, to which I will start to believe them or think they’re really deranged - a thing poor glowworm had to deal with

At some point we will have to try and call their agents right? Am I going to jail for kidnapping them?

First stop is picking up my oldest son from school though in which Dean insists on going with. This is where Covid will come into it

I’m not dragging someone who looks like Jensen fucking Ackles through my kids school, but luckily, I still have masks in my car’s glove box… pretty sure I wouldn’t put them on my own face, but he does

Which leads to questions about why I have face masks in my car. “Guys it’s 2025 . A lots happened in the world since—” she trails off. “2010?”

At some point we will Google the real Jared and Jensen and see if they’re missing or not. They’re not ✌️

Dean will hate my car so much, especially when he suspects my oil is low (my dad always does) and will try to fix it and get pissed off that I’m not all that interested

He will insist he should drive of course, and then fuck up the road rules here - near death experience

Oh, and mow the lawn for me

Sam will be too busy doing research

I will be stuck looking after Bobby-John along with my kids. However I can picture a scene of waking up to them having made breakfast or something and trying to make my life less stressful

Dean will flirt, maybe Sam too if I’m feeling that egotistical

The problem is, this could become very long if I let it… Honestly though, it’s so fun to write, and as long as I don’t go too deep - I can see one of them asking about my separation circumstances, which brings me to, they will shit on my ex - it should be okay 👌 and so I keep going! Whether I post it is another matter…

What do ya think? ❤️

[chaisshitposts]

moonlighthope lied?! Jesus :(

I don’t know what to say. I feel so hopeless now since she lied… I thought her photos were real too. Someone google searched them to be safe and apparently there were no matches so it seemed legit.

I don’t understand why the hell she would lie. I had so much hope for the void state and was so happy for her. now it’s all gone again….. . I just want to cry.

i have no idea !!! ^^;; i don't wanna spread misinformation when i don't even have proof myself that there was untruthfulness on her part, i believe her tbh but ig i can understand why folks have their reservations about certain things that were said—

it's unfortunate that this happened, ye, but ya shouldn't use other people's situations to hinder yer own growth. the void's real, 'cause the void is you.

are ya real? cause if ya weren't, ya wouldn't be sendin' in this ask to me rn. it's ok if yer disappointed or sad, but imma need ya to take a step back afterwards and remember that anythin's possible so long as ya make that true to yerself. just cause somethin' ain't workin' for someone else doesn't mean it ain't gonna work for ya, that's just not how life goes.

i think the only reason why folks are so funky 'bout this situation is cause of the picture proof, when in reality we got plenty of void success stories from anonymous folks or other blogs in general. plenty of people have succeeded to tap into their god state, not just this one person, she ain't supposed to be put on some kinda pedestal simply cause she may or may not have accomplished somethin' that ya haven't yet experienced.

but heres whatcha wanna do--- create yer own proof. ya don't need proof from nobody besides yerself, cause at the end of the day, ya wanna live on creative mode so yer gonna have to take the steps ya need to take in order to take that power back. i don't give a fuck if ya say it's hard at first, yer just gonna have to keep goin'.

don't be sad, use this as motivation to create the truth and the proof ya want and crave. the world is yours to craft however ya want it. when ya have yer dreams and look back at yer spilled tears and moments of stress like this— yer gonna forgive yerself for doubtin' what ya could do in the first place. what you're feelin' right now ain't gonna be permanent unless ya decide to fall back into the victim mentality.

here's a hand ✋, imma pull ya outta that hole you're tryna fall back into. it's time to stop lettin' life beat yer ass and take control over it again, and I don't care how many times ya fall back in that hole, ya better crawl yer ass back outta that fuckin' ditch and keep goin.' stop letting life happen to you and stop accepting what ya don't want.

[riverstixxelf]

I love the SPN fandom but honestly it’s so stressful sometimes 😭

For example earlier today I googled “Misha Collins girlfriend” because I heard a rumor that he has a girlfriend, I couldn’t find much besides stuff talking about Vicky so I scrolled down and saw a tumblr post saying something about Misha being attracted to men (which I don’t necessarily disagree with, but I don’t want to tell another person what they are) and women so I clicked on it and it was a huge post (like, a couple paragraphs) talking about some strange things. I don’t remember exactly but at one point the user brought up the “fact” that Misha makes jokes about women and sex?? As in making jokes at the expense of women… and I was like… are we talking about the same Misha here? He DOES make jokes about sex but I don’t recall him ever making jokes at the expense of women. Only thing I can think of is that one story about one of his earlier acting jobs and he didn’t know the “no tongue rule” but that was mostly at the expense of himself. Then I scrolled and found another post that was pretty disturbing…

Someone had screenshotted a regular instagram caption that Jensen posted just talking about how he just got done traveling, he wanted to take a nap, something like that—nothing sexual about the post at all or anything that would suggest that—and someone captioned it with something talking about him and Misha rubbing their [babymakers] together??? I audibly laughed out loud because wtf 😭😭

I don’t want to shame Jenmish shippers (I say Jenmish because Cockles is just a… very interesting name), even though I think it’s the slightest bit strange to be shipping real people… but again I never want to put anyone down for anything because I myself have said some stuff about Jensen and Misha that might suggest something between them.

Another thing is just the amount of hate for various cast members. Mostly the hate I see is for Jared and Misha; J2 fans who hate Misha, Jenmish fans who hate Jared, etc. There’s a lot of love in this fandom but ohmygOD there’s so much hate too. I guess that’s true for any fandom, but it’s so tiring sometimes.

Also, in this fandom, you’ll get hounded for any opinion you have. If you don’t like destiel, you’re homophobic. If you do like destiel, you’re also homophobic for some reason because queer bating or whatever… for the record i’d like to state that I am a proud destiel shipper just fyi. But I see so many people take it to the extreme, make little things into big things or something along those lines. Same thing with cockles shippers I was talking about earlier. I feel like I have a pretty neutral viewpoint on stuff regarding destiel; I see most things how they are, and I make my assumptions based on CANON things. I don’t say “Dean and Cas are definitely fucking”, I say “Dean and Cas love eachother but they cant express it, because Cas wasn’t even sure what love was and Dean’s highest ideal of love is family, which is why he says Cas is like a brother to him”. Now, if you don’t agree with me, guess what… that’s okay! If you don’t think destiel exists, that’s a valid point, and i’m not gonna dox you just because you have a different opinion than me. Because that’s just it, it’s an OPINION.

I could get into Sam haters and Dean haters and stuff… but I’m tired. Actually, you know what, screw it. I WILL GET INTO IT!!!

I’ve had a few experiences with Dean haters especially, and most of the time they just ADORE Sam and thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Let me clarify that I don’t hate Sam- like- at all. Then again, Dean haters who happen to be Sam stans have warped my view on Sam a little, but I won’t let that get in my way of honest judgment.

Sam. has. done. bad. stuff. DEAN. has. done. bad. stuff. Please don’t compare their trauma, they both have their own issues, one isn’t better than the other.

I might be biased because I relate to Dean so much (like a crazy amount it’s not even funny…), but for the millionth time in a row I DO NOT HATE SAM. I saw someone saying how Dean was the cause of almost every single world-ending event that happened in SPN… like honey no. Another person replied to their comment listing all of the world-ending events… and guess what… Sam was the cause of most of them!! Does that make him a hate-worthy character? No!!

I don’t know what point i’m trying to make here. I just think there’s so much in-fighting within the SPN fandom and as much as I love being in the fandom sometimes you just gotta have a break from all the drama. If you made it this far… go outside or something don’t pay attention to me i’m chronically online.

[awkward-wicked-failure]

Ichisae, I Like You So Much!: Part 2

Yeah, I'd say so.

I'm gonna be so fr, I never heard of someone saying you 'fancy' a ship. I think, cause, when you say you 'fancy' someone it's normally you're romantically into them but like, the jellyfish girl is a little weird anyway so lol!

Okay so context time!! Apparently my character dropped her hard drive that's full of Ichisae fics and all I have to say is;

WHY WOULD YOU PUT YOUR FANFICS ON A DEVICE YOU COULD EASILY LOSE?? YOU KEEP THAT SHIT ON YOUR COMPUTER/LAPTOP/PHONE WHATEVER!

NEVER LEAVE A PAPER TRAIL! THAT'S RULE NUMBER ONE!

And further more, i know it's a plot device so you know, the plot can happen but it's unrealistic (I say as I play an anime game). And later in the game, the protagonist has a computer and a smartphone so idk why she can't sync up google drive or docs or even freaking WORD (actually who writes fanfics on word documents, I'm so serious) and read her fics from there? Why would she keep a hard drive on her and bring it with her when she knows she could lose it?

Rant over, it was just something that annoyed me but not really.

I kinda wanna put in a PSA here but like, if you guys download my fanfics for whatever reason like maybe you wanna print them out and read them or hang them on your wall or carry them in your pocket whatever, that's fine. However, I wanna stress that there are people who go around and take fics and put them into ChatGPT and have it generate a next chapter and I just want to tell you guys to not do that with any fic I write. I understand being impatient and wanting that new shiny chapter right now, but please do not put my work into a computer.

Okay PSA over.

I mean, yeah that's how most fanfics tend to go in my mind's eye. I literally can't do anything without thinking about Ichiban and Saeko.

I- what does that mean; they mingle together like milk and honey what the fuck.

Okay so earlier when I was asked to describe Ichisae there were four options; Tender, Intense, Sorrowful and Custom where I could make up the scenario. I picked tender and this reads less like tender and more like Ichiban and Saeko are about to do the Kazumaji tango if you get what I'm saying.

Me thing again, am I the only one that's like never met a fanfic writer that's ashamed of what they do? Everyone else I've met are just full blown freaks about what they love to write.

@baringthyfangs holding me hostage in her basement and forcing me to write Ichisae like

[mass-convergence]

On Plane Crashes and Coincidences

Would like to take a moment to comment on the recent plane crashes and such from the perspective of a nerd who’s way too into aviation mishaps for someone who doesn’t even have a pilot’s license. I've been hearing a ton of shit about "huh, funny how Trump fucked with the air safety folks at the FAA and now these aviation accidents have happened". Here's why I don't think that's the case...

First off: I am not a fan of what’s going on with the federal gov right now, believe me. So yeah, Trump firing and/or furloughing a bunch of air safety folks is not a good thing.

However - most likely: the aviation accidents that have occurred in the past few weeks have nothing to do with the current situation in the FAA.

Diving deeper into the specifics:

Potomac Collision (and this by no means is a comprehensive list of details)

it was between an army Blackhawk and a CRJ.

Because one was military and the other was civilian (I assume that's the reason at least), they were on different frequencies. ATC was monitoring both frequencies and therefore were in communication with both but neither flight crew could hear each other so they didn't have full situational awareness

The flight path for these helicopters cross the approach path for the planes ... not really great when helicopters fly at lower altitudes anyway and then planes coming in for landing have to get to those low altitudes. This was not well thought out and I believe there have already been many concerns brought up about this in the past

Honestly, IMO: Ronald Reagan Airport needs to be shut down. It's like right up against the DC "no fly" zone, there's a shit ton of traffic going in and out of it, it was almost inevitable some shit was going to happen

The CRJ was instructed to land at another runway, adding to the CRJ crew's workload and also the ATC controller's workload

As far as I've heard, there's no indication if the ATC tower at Reagan was understaffed at the time. It may have been and that may be a factor here, but the ATC has had staffing issues long before Trump took office.

There have been a lot of close calls in recent years between aircraft in "conflict" ... aka, about to hit each other. I believe recently, there was an incident in Arizona where a flight coming in for landing nearly collided with another flight ... and that was before Trump took office. Air travel's become more and more popular, and there are more planes in the sky. There's been a lot of discussion about how an incident like this was inevitable and the only shocking thing is that it hasn't happened sooner.

Did the fact that the ATC guys likely got the "Fork" email play a role in their stress levels? Maybe but even if that was the case - that may have been a contributing factor but it didn't cause the accident.

The Blackhawk pilots may have been wearing nightvision googles which would have restricted their peripheral vision and depth perception. The CRJ's landing lights may have blended in with the backdrop of the city lights and made it super hard to see and avoid.

Philadelphia Crash

Yeah this one sounds like it could have been spatial disorientation since the pilots were flying in the clouds at the time. I haven't heard much else but it's very unlikely the FAA stuff had anything to do with this.

Japan Airlines (JAL) and Delta (DAL) "fender bender"

So ... SeaTac airport's kind of smushed. It doesn't have a whole lot of real estate to work with as there's like city all around it. The Seattle Times has an article from Dec 2022 about how de-icing operations have been harder and harder to do since it's hard to find space to do de-icing. Some planes get de-iced at the gate, some go to designated areas, and some even get de-iced on the taxiways.

Why is this important? The collision happened while the Delta flight was getting de-iced. The JAL flight apparently was passing behind the DAL flight and clipped the tail. If the DAL flight was on a taxiway, getting de-iced ... it could just be that the JAL crew got distracted and didn't realize how close they were to the DAL flight. It sounds more like this was due to the fact that SeaTac's pretty friggin' crowded and doesn't have a lot of room.

--

Look ... I know that hearing all this stuff going on on top of the shit happening in DC is overwhelming and it's real easy to find a connection when Trump/Elon's been fucking around with literally every agency in the goddamn government. However, it's more than likely that this really is a case of shitty timing.

[infiniteglitterfall]

How are you holding up? I ask because I'm only, like, addressing antisemitism that leaks to my dash with every term related to Palestine I can think of blacklisted. And i'm like. Barely crlinging to fragile sanity. I hope you are better equipped to handle the stresses of this ongoing disinformation campaign. You're doing good and important work, which you must know, but I want to re-emphasize it.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

i swear to god I thought there was a way to reply privately to asks, but apparently either there isn't or I don't have the patience to find it again.

I think that you're describing how most Jews with any connection to social media feel.

The good thing, in a way, is that researching and fact-checking is my major coping mechanism. Researching and rebutting and arguing with people until I understand everything well enough to be pithy about it. Creating ways for other people to defend themselves and to push back. Doing the research to know when I'm right helps me a lot.

I'm probably as well-equipped for this as I can imagine being (that's not really true, I should be talking to people more about it and using 12-step tools to deal with it and gosh some therapy would be nice), and like... there have still literally been times when I've been triggered for an entire week by this shit.

Most notably: the time when I saw a clip on my TikTok fyp from some podcast where some journalist fully got all dressed up and prepared to go on camera, to say that she could imagine there were a few individual rapes on Oct 7 -- although she wasn't aware of any -- but that certainly there was no evidence of systematic rape, and that saying there had been systematic rape was dehumanizing propaganda.

Like. If you can't even take one minute to google whether there had been individual rapes before you go on camera. And you haven't heard of them two months after the fact. Then you don't know enough to talk about this, period. That makes you the very opposite of an expert on the subject. And yet, that is who gets platformed. Ignorant randos who have no personal connection to any of this.

I literally knew there had been gang rapes by Hamas within the first week of the massacre. Because I cared enough to do a search for eyewitness testimony of the massacre, and I found an interview on PBS immediately.

Or, more accurately: it was because it slowly sank in that the attack had been MASSIVE. 22 kibbutzim leveled in one day, hands-on, without an airplane or mortar shell involved. All those people killed the way you would kill a horde of zombies: burned alive, or shot and then mutilated, or cut up and then shot. Like they needed to double-tap, to make sure no one was coming back around.

Two years of planning. Almost half a billion dollars in funding from Iran. Detailed guides even to the dentist's offices and kindergartens and grocery stores they were invading.

And it was very plain to, I think, nearly every Jew on earth that this was an attack aimed at Jews. Even before any recordings of attackers saying "I'm inside with the Jews" or "I killed 10 Jews with my own hands" even came out. Even though everyone else was denying it from the moment it happened.

And I felt compelled to learn more about what happened.

To KNOW.

To bear witness.

Even before it became apparent started to seem like the rest of the world would rather die themselves than bear witness to us. Even before it became apparent that Hamas had been telling people Israel would commit genocide in response before its fighters even left that country.

A reasonable person, imho, would ask why the fuck Hamas would commit such atrocities if if thought Israel would respond by killing every Palestinian in Gaza.

The Palestinians in Gaza are certainly fucking demanding to know why the hell Hamas thinks it gets to start a war on them, why its leaders get to hide out and evacuate their families while demanding civilians bleed and die for it, and why it doesn't goddamn turn itself in and give back the hostages.

But anyway.

But that's the thing. I looked it up because I was compelled to. I identified with the people attacked. I needed to know what had happened to us.

That's something outsiders would only do if they were allies.

We know, now, that we don't have allies on the left.

I've seen post after post after post, hundreds and hundreds of comments, on Jewish Reddit, asking if other progressives are okay. Asking, "how are you dealing with rejection by the left??" Asking if others are also shocked and confused and betrayed. Talking about how many friends they've lost who went masks-off antisemitic. So many people who've had to end long-term relationships when their partners went masks-off.

There's usually at least one politically conservative Jew in the comments laughing wryly and going, "wow, you really thought you were safe?"

Sometimes they ask why we're on the left if everyone there wants to kill us. Then we defiantly point out that it's not any different on the right. Or that we're not going to abandon our political beliefs for anyone.

Anyway.

I didn't even watch the podcast clip past that moment.

I ragequit. I went to the file of eyewitness testimonies I'd already put together, after weeks and weeks of denial. (And by "file," I mean "draft in gmail, because it saves automatically, and it's easy to find, and i don't know why it's better than google docs or dropbox paper, but it just is.")

I took the clearest, most authoritative ones and put them into their own document -- which i did make in dropbox lol.

I duetted the video, or whatever the fuck the one is in tiktok where you just take 5 seconds from one video and the rest is your own. It's not duetting. Idk.

It was the middle of Hanukkah. I recorded a video where I read each of however many testimonies I had, and lit a candle before each one. It was almost 10 minutes long, even though I made them as short as I could.

I didn't post it.

I was triggered all to hell for a whole week. I was staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning, researching horrifying rape testimonies, arguing with people on the internet, then sleeping too little and too late, then doing it again.

Watching myself lose a whole week to this. Knowing I couldn't do anything about it. Half-angrily, half-numbly thinking about how I couldn't afford to lose this much job search time, this much unfucking-my-life time. How I couldn't afford to have people I didn't even know fuck up my life even more.

And the bitch of it all is that the tone of the discourse makes me strongly suspect that if we said, "hey everyone needs to walk it back, you guys are deeply fucking up the mental health of pretty nearly the entire Jewish community," people would just respond by angrily telling us anti-Zionism is not antisemitism, mockingly saying that's what Zionists deserve.

Thanks for asking <3

[morphringwiselove]

rambling about art struggles (sorry)

i think what's limiting me during drawing is that im thinking too much about line art / not knowing how to combine line art and color in a manner that im satisfied with

really sorry for how rambly this gets forgive me (this is also barely edited and im barely conscious)

95% of the art i made in my life has been done traditionally and in monochrome; usually i dont bother to ever color it bc i only had access to shitty colored pencils and everytime it would always fuck it up, constantly smudging into each other

4% of the time was like when i was in middle school and discovered how to fucking pirate paint tool sai and i blindly did whatever i could with a mouse (read: i gave myself carpel tunnel a lot lmao). i think i still have access to like 4 drawings i did thanks to google photos and the only ones i can really look back on positively were the line art ones and even then thats cause i used deviantart bases lol

heres the literal 1%: i did an art class back in late 2020 - early 2021 (can't remember what level it was? or what it specialized? it was the third art class i ever took. it might be intro to painting?) and i got to use acrylic paint for an assignment! i fucked up using it because i painted it with the goal of filling up the insides of the lineart instead of using the palette knife to create texture. my subject was an otter in the water (fun thing to say) and the assignment was to create some form of pop art, depict contrast w color (otters are brown i know, wanted to use orange highlights against the blue water) and to show i know how to depict varying textures (fur, liquid).

i did not know how to fucking do that!!! couldnt get any help either due to covid fucking happening and my poor ass's only connection to the internet was my fucking phone data and it was draining fast LMAO

the reason as to why i was so poor was because back in October 2019 my life fucking got flipped upside down and i had to give up a lot and had to desperately try to find a job while being a student. (will not go into specific detail due to me not wanting a pity party about it and it being too personal. im only going to say that caregiver burnout is fucking hell)

a prior assignment to that class had us practicing on depicting textures on some sort of paper (it was stiff yet bendable iirc) with a white and black color pencil (white for fur, black for eyes). i was watching aggretsuko at the time and fenneko is a fav of mine so i picked that type of fox as my subject. im really proud of the way i depicted the fur but fucking hated how i fucked up the eyes. was supposed to show the "glossiness" of it and i dont have a pet irl to reference so ahhhHHHH it ruined the piece for me. pretty sure i have it saved somewhere but since its not fandom related im hesitant to post it.

overall the class made me realise that regardless of skill i rlly like drawing textures and i dont really understand why? tried to reasoned it out to be that i just really like textured blankets and that theyre comforting. i purr like a fucking cat when i like hug one and i hate it

i feel like nowadays with how scatterbrained and stressed i am i visualize blobs of color in my mind instead of clear subjects with clear outlines. i feel like i need to embrace that side more (or at least try starting with that when doing digital art). maybe now i wont be so fucking stuck and pressing ctrl z all the time lol

[hamstermastersamster]

Sertraline dreams are really something else.

I've always had really vivid, often plot-driven dreams that are cool - one of many reasons I love sleep. I can even lucid dream and could do this long before I started my happy pills.

But since I've been on sertraline the level of realistic, coherent detail in these dreams THAT I REMEMBER IN AS MUCH DETAIL WHEN I WAKE UP is just insane. Entire coherent conversations with specific people, having my own clear and traceable thought process INSIDE THE DREAM, to the point where sometimes when I wake up I have to shake off the fact that, like, that conversation I just had with my sis wasn't actually real. The guy who wrote Inception must have taken sertraline at some point in his life.

Anyway, last night got me in a really mundane way. I was having one of my typical Academic Stress dreams - back at college or university or some blend of the two, with my final English essay exam coming up on a book I hadn't started revising yet. It was about a guy called Silas. In one extremely detailed lesson with a fully-fleshed out cast of other students and entire explanations from the lecturer that I can still remember in some detail, we were discussing a scene where a different character in the book runs a horse into a ditch and it ends up dying.

When I woke up I was like . . . wait, wait. hang on. That's a real book.

So I googled it and . . . Silas Marner. Like, guys. I have not read this book since I was forced to (and hated) at age 13 or 14 maybe, at school. It was boring and agony to read for me - but, the horse scene!

How in the ever-loving fuck did my brain dredge this book up so specifically? xD A book I have not even spared a single thought about in 20+ years? And why this one-note barely-there scene in particular? (I mean, maybe it's the most exciting thing I remember happening in the book xD)

I'm impressed, but also I hope Brain picks a more interesting book to do an academic exam on next time. The Crucible was right there, my class loved the shit out of that. It generated a long-running class meme where we'd suddenly yell unprompted at each other, "I saw Goody [student surname] with the devil!". Ah, fun times.

[bespectacledbookworm]

Big Huge Fucking Rant

feel free to skip if you don't want to read about being the literal black sheep of the family

Sorry that all I do is rant on here but HOLY SHIT

My sister wants me to be evil so bad. SO BAD. I use the word "cursed" once and she thinks i'm brewing potions. Or whatever it is that witches do. She googled "modern witch clothes", saw a lady wearing black, and figured that since I also wear black, I MUST BE A DEMONIC WITCH.

I'm a poet and an artist. I do have a more magical inner life than she does, but not because I practice witchcraft.

So of course, she gave my poor mother an earful about me, an adult woman who can dress how she likes. And the only reason this is like bad is because she's very christian and thinks if I'm a witch, I've turned my back on God or something.

None of this would bother me, but she goes after my mom about it. Our mother. Stresses her out over nothing.

She's so weird. She's an adult woman, and I know she's smart. But she's not smart enough to know that her own sister is just a poet who read a lot of fantasy when she was a kid.

I don't know what to do. I can't even call her and defend myself because she's busy and won't take my call. It's so stupid that I even HAVE to defend myself.

I feel like I have to shut myself up in the fucking goth closet. the glothset. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to of course, I'm still going to wear black. I just thought I was finally safe around them. I stepped out in halloween pajamas and pointy boots and never heard a word.

She's advocated for my mother to throw me out before. I don't think my mom ever would, but I hate that having a different aesthetic is this much a fucking problem.

I almost want to dress up in a big cartoony witch outfit and give her an idea of how much worse it can be. But she would probablly just think I'd gone fully into the darkside and then forbid my nieces from ever seeing me again!

This is so fucking stupid!! And It's going to happen in the future again. I'm going to say something or do something or wear something that I don't think is a huge deal but to them, it's a sign of the devil.

This just solidifies one thing in my mind-- I need my business to take off. the only reason she has some sort of hold on me like this is because I still rely on family for survival. I have one year to make this work. Once I'm truly independent, what can she do then? I will have no shackles of immaturity left. And I know that's why she called my mom first, to complain to her that the girl who lives under her roof is exhibitng demonic behavior. Well, once I'm under my own roof, then what! Even if I have to vanlife it to be independent. It would be hard, sure. but not impossible. And maybe I could save enough vanlifing that I could actually purchase a house.

That's all theoretical though. I can't even really leave because my mother depends on me. And I'm probably going to end up being her caretaker. Not that I resent her at all for it, I love my mother.

I just wish my sister wasn't so dense.

[fishbrainrot]

The room is messy. All the things he's been using recently left somewhere in the chaos. This morning he was still telling himself that he could find everything, that there was some method in it. But looking ferociously for notes that should be in the desk's drawer because they always are but somehow now they mysteriously disappeared, Charlie started to doubt. Or maybe it was a matter of takeout boxes growing in a pile next to the couch. He should throw them away. He should have thrown them away at least a week ago. The smell is unpleasant, but at times like this, he doesn't seem to care. His life is a mess. Probably bigger than the room itself. He barely sees the floor just like he barely sees himself in a year, month, or even a week. Dealing with such mundane problems is tiring, and he is so exhausted already. He'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow he'll sort out everything, the new job included.

Does mom know? Did she see everything on the news? He isn't even sure how big the whole thing is. Probably he should google it, check if the problem escalated, what kind of shit he needs to deal with. Thinking about it makes him dizzy. Maybe he should call home. It's been too long, if he won't do this, they will. And a battle is easier if you're choosing the time and place. Too bad, he's more of a writer than a fighter. A pale smile crawls on his lips. A terrible rhyme and it's not even true. He hasn't written anything in a long time. Maybe he should. Especially now, when he's about to lose the job. No one can stop him. Well, maybe bills can. You've gotta pay for a living, and writing shitty articles about the supernatural usually isn't enough. But maybe going back to research he'll feel excitement again. Maybe he'll find answers. And maybe he'll even move on. He wasn't sure if he wanted though. No mysteries - no thrill, nothing to chase, nothing to cherish. Only awfully cluttered house smelling like old food and mold. And boredom. Endless, aimless boredom. But it's a problem for the future. Now, he has to pay his bills.

The phone vibrates somewhere deep under two blankets. He never used an actual ring, always only vibrations. No charming person has ever made his heart flutter as much as the sudden noise of phone ringing. He hesitates. Vibrations are running through his skin in rhythmical waves. Stress crawls onto his neck.

"Hey," his voice is more hoarse than he expected. That's what you get after days of silence, talking only to a delivery guy. He tries to clear his throat.

"Charles! It's been a week. Are you alright?" Mother's worried, he hears it in her voice. But there's also something cold in it. He's not sure if she's angry because of the silence or the interview. His stomach twists in anxiety.

"I'm fine," he lies as always. It's easier to hide things from her. Fewer questions, no judgment, and a reasonable amount of freedom. Hopefully, she'll never find out.

"And nothing happened recently that you'd like to talk about?" She knows. Anxiety in cold needles pierces his neck. Fuck.

"No," his voice is calm, seemingly indifferent.

"Are you sure?" She knows.

"Yes, mom."

"Why are you lying to me?" There she goes. "I've seen it." How? Last year she couldn't even find a fish recipe online. Anger starts to rise in his chest. Cold and bitter. "Tom found it on the internet." The only thing his brother should be looking for is his own place to live. "Tell me they've manipulated the video."

"I don't know." A wide smile stretches his lips. Nervous and nasty.

"You don't know." She's getting angry. He doesn't want this but there's a quiet voice deep down his chest that craves an argument. One thing's sure- he'll regret that later.

"No. Not really a thing I'd like to rewatch."

"Well, those are your words. Why even say it if you regret it?"

"I don't." Not exactly true. "I'm just ashamed," he admits eventually. It's a weird feeling to be ashamed of something you believe in. It's the part of himself Charlie hates the most. His life would be easier if he could hold his head high, confident and unapologetic. Choosing his own discomfort is easier than bearing the displeased eyes of others. It's the shame that grows deep in his soul.

"As you should be. Did your boss say anything?"

"Not yet." And the waiting is the worst. When there's no distraction he remembers about it.

"Oh, God. Okay, if they fire you, we'll find you a nice, respectable one for a change. It'll be fine, sweetheart. You just-"

"I like my job," he'd like to sound sharp but his voice comes out completely flat. The same old talk. Like a broken record.

"You're meddling with dead people's things, honey." She's so condescending and she doesn't even realize it. Or maybe she does. He's not sure what would be worse.

"I'm looking for evidence."

"Which is-" He's patiently waiting for her to find the right word. "Courageous? But also creeps people out. That's why you're still alone."

"I'm not." How many times he's got to relive this conversation? Is it some kind of purgatory? His thoughts are slowly drifting in a different direction.

"You need someone to spend your life with." Preferably a smart, hardworking woman who loves sports, doesn't mind him being quiet or distant, and dreams about a terraced house at a reasonable price where she could raise their two children. Right. What a dream.

"I'm managing." He'd love to be right at this moment. He's not. But there's an unshakable belief in him that it's gonna be fine. Eventually. He doesn't know how but he's getting there.

"You're about to lose your job." He can't respond to that. "How old are you, Charles?"

"Twenty-nine," the answer bearly leaves his throat. It's not a battle he's going to win. Not this time.

"And you're still looking for ghosts, vampires-"

"Unexplained events."

"Right. It's time to grow up."

"Have you-" He hesitates. The right question can change your life, it worked for him so why not for others? Maybe if he could turn his thoughts into a coherent sentence, she would listen. Maybe after all those years, they could understand each other. But his head feels like a busy hive, buzzing with shattered ideas and memories. He could start with that summer when he saw it for the first time, in aunt's old shack. With the overwhelming fear that makes you freeze because there's nowhere to run. With the need to explain what's happened. The fear it'll come to never leave you again. The mysteries, the thrill of a question no one could answer. But simple explanations are usually right. What's the easiest way to explain what he's seen? Losing sanity. He has to say something. And she can't think he's going nuts. "Have you ever loved something so much that you weren't able to stop?" He thinks about the excitement, the natural happiness that research brings. That's the only thing he's ever been good at. Asking questions and searching for every dumb detail. That's how he's got himself into this mess.

"No." For a moment it's quiet. He thoughtlessly listens to gurgling pipes, allowing the disappointment to sink in.

"Alright then." Maybe there's no right question.

"No, please, do tell me." She's mad but now he feels empty. There's no angry voice.

"It doesn't matter." He's so tired.

"Get over yourself, son. Let me know what they'll say. Remember, we love you." He hangs up. Once again there's only the smell of mold, the sound of water running in the walls, and exhaustion. His thoughts run to the past, to the moments he can't forget nor explain. It would be nice to focus on something else, let himself rest but when this train is running, it's impossible to stop. Eventually, he'll fall asleep. Tomorrow will be better. He'll get up and throw away the boxes, maybe even clean up a bit. This he'll manage. He'll manage for sure.

[moondonky]

By design

U ever wonder If it's all done on purpose, what are the odds,, u might say whats wrong with these people, how could that happen, can u believe this.. I wouldn't it's all psychological, its all programming, it's all influenced.. it's all depopulation in one way or anouther, payed promotion as if it's style or fashion or what's cool, algorithms decides what's trending, and those who go against are targeted and isolated, that' becomes the ick, that's toxic, ur not allowed to be dangerous why there are no warriors left, but u can be pretty as shit, viewed as smart for not working, that's for peasants, u just need to get rich and famous, u just need to take those risks, act like this, fake it till u make it helps if u suck dick act bitch, and while ur busy doing that what u not doing is starting families and working saving for a home, advancing in a career, paying into social security and being a service to better ur communities, but it's cool and okay to smoke weed and game, tho they get cheated on because it's attention women have been programmed to crave for the same reason, to break the family, why theres so many single mothers they queens that can always do better, isn't that what memes and reels always say, maybe a couple of them will find that unrealistic standard, maybe in the meantime get a dog or cat or anouther expense cuz that helps when ur already broke as shit, living with roomates like kids, to bad theses credit scores arnt as high as these body counts lol, live above your means and u won't afford retirement, ain't no peace of mind with a 50k sub prime car loan payment on top of 3 4k rent, and again can u afford to have a child, sounds like stress, and that dude that knows all this and works hard he's a asshole depressed workaholic he's a cismale incel according to Google even tho he's the one that can actually raise a family that fucking slave peasant lol he still got balls he can't wear tight pants n shit, and it's by design it's the algorithms, its what ur influencers and idols get paid to promote, do sum zans yanno shoot em up.. there making and programming people to fail and its by design, no wonder the struggle is so real..

Effin millennial why not, mgtow I'm blind to what people think and all there labels, I eat 30 steaks a month just because they don't like that, I have three cars cuz they don't like that, I sleep on the floor cuz I guess u need a headboard, I buy every dip in crypto because fuk the system, I always drive over the speed limit cuz I'm not a self driving robot or an old person, I sleep with a shotgun I call her my purse, I don't buy toys and video games I buy silver cuz of the constitution,, I like cops just not fat ones, I like military and war just not mercenaries, u give me one good reason and I will punch u in the face, I'm stubborn af I'm at every protest just to hear sum yelling, 4th of July is the only holiday I actually celebrate.. cuz bang bang bang I got a mustache and a Mohawk mane,, praise God and fuk china, no rest for the wicked, bitch ass sock chewing hooooeeez lol

[ask-codeearasure]

Hit the nail on the head there, thank you for your service. Insane is one of the many terms tossed around because of motherfucking pop psychology and the fact people just don't give a shit about its actual meaning and previous medical usage, which is also responsible for the irresponsible, dismissive, and derogatory uses for words like delusion, narcissist, bipolar, psychotic, psychopath, and sociopath.

Now... here's the definition of insane given by Google, since people tend to forget that insane and insanity are occasionally used as medical terms to describe severe mental illness.

The term "clinical insanity" doesn't exist in a fucking vacuum. Describing severe mental illness was one of, if not the only, first uses of the word insane before more privileged populations let's say, decided to use it to describe everything they didn't like or found wild.

You see one shitty kind of person and immediately assume they're mentally ill. Doesn't matter if they're an abuser, murderer, or whatever the fuck else is an inherently bad thing to be.

This is one of the BIGGEST reasons why characters like Insanity!Sans needs to have a name change at the very LEAST, because calling an excessive axe murderer cannibal or whatever he's supposed to be a product of "insanity" to the point that is his only title does in fact add to the stigma of people who suffer from insanity.

I don't give a shit that Insanity!Sans might have been made by a kid merely trying to have fun. This is still the result and it SHOULD be changed.

It passes the notion that mental illness is inherently tied to murder, abuse, cannibalism, etc. It sends the message that we are inherently a danger to others, and/or that calling something "insane" that isn't actually insane is perfectly okay when by all means, it shouldn't be. Casual usage of the word is where the second definition came from.

It is the same thing as saying you are "sooooo OCD!" when you're only bothered that a painting on the wall is tilted a little to the left. It is the same thing as saying you're "sooo delulu!!!" when the subject you find ever so painfully "delusional" in the first place is your attraction to a character who would be fully capable of wringing your neck if they existed.

The casual usage of these words makes it seem like OCD isn't as serious of a condition, and that delusions aren't stressful or perplexing at all to whoever suffers from them. If you're doing this shit, you either don't understand what these experiences are or don't give a shit, and if the latter is the case, go have a seat over there you asshole.

Stop FUCKING using terms meant to describe symptoms or experiences of mental illness for your semblance of "fun" and convenience when any other word not tied to this subject matter will work just fine.

You don't have OCD, you just have a pet peeve. You're not experiencing a delusion, you're just horny and/or feeling intensely for a character and you want to express that in an "over the top" manner.

This character isn't insane, they've been fucking programmed against their will and broken down and reconstructed repeatedly to be a weaponized bitch for the benefit of their abusers. And heck, maybe that kind of torment would drive that character to absolute insanity if broken down past their limits. Under that context you could call Killer insane, but knowing this fandom and all the impulsive fuckheads in it that don't care about people less fortunate than them (or just don't know any better), that mode of thinking won't get far without being twisted so wildly out of context it loses meaning.

And in reality, that has already happened. So FUCK YOU. If this is how you're gonna keep using these words, don't use them at all.

-- Sarco

I really hate when people reduce Something New to “sans went insane and started killing everyone!!!” the only one who uses that type of language is sans/killer himself. Like, he calls himself crazy and insane, aka the mentally ill man known for demonizing himself and encouraging people to treat him badly because he doesn’t trust himself and doesn’t believe anyone else should either.

Every other person in his canon that isn’t also trying to take advantage of his mental state, aka color—dream—swap—all of them are very against the idea that Killer is someone irredeemable or “insane.” Color fiercely refuses to kill Killer even when he asks him to.

Rahafwabas herself has never said Killer was “insane,” and in fact said he isn’t when someone directly asked—he just struggles to tell what is and isn’t real now due to the constant Resetting and induced dissociative state he was put into. Not to mention the heavy fucking gaslighting and manipulation of his entire reality via the damn Reset button.

And frankly I find it very stupid to pretend that what Killer was put through—psychological torture, conditioning, coercion, literally having his code and soul altered, his identity stolen and rebuilt in a way that suits external forces and their desires—would make him a nonviolent uwu baby and claim it’s ableist when a mentally ill character who’s entire trauma is built around the idea of coerced and forced actions—forced perpetration—handles and responds to their trauma in not very fun or cute ways, because what they went through and did was not very fun or cute, or exactly in the context of how they were made to be and exactly how their environment demands they do to survive physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The whole “two personalities”/“split personalities” thing can be argued, but i think people are forgetting that rahafwabas didn’t fucking know English. She never claimed Killer had DID or was a system or any of that—she tried to convey what was happening in a language she was still learning. I find it stupid to blame her for misunderstandings.