#google: fight flight freeze fawn

[cleanballad]

Prey

My lips pull back from my teeth - am I snarling or am I smiling sweetly?

[breadandblankets]

Masterpost for batfam headcanons/sillies

duke centric (with guests):

duke's powers give him eyestrain/migraines

some tags i liked: [var 1] [var 2]

the signal: gotham's first hero

some tags i liked: [var 1] [var 2]

duke's powers r scary and cass parallels

duke's morning crossword

duke and damian old man agenda

fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flashbang

signal boots light up

duke's google history

duke has normal reactions to normal situations

duke's music taste

duke and bruce need adult supervision

like really don't leave them alone

osha brothers part 1 part 2

duke at bruce try and fire me bitch

eye privileges revoked

duke: ill tell you my secret, i lie to myself

she ra's on my ghul til i

Thomas Family:

elaine thomas' umbrakinesis agenda

elaine's powers and duke's fight

headcanons about duke's parents

thomas family dinners

doug/elaine meetcute

doug Normal Human Man

Jason centric:

jason's this machine kills fascists

jason's food range

calamity!jason headcanons

team up events:

"magic bats": [var 1] [var 2] [damiansgreyson dami addition]

bruce's borrowed kids

cass and bruce being Taller batman

when your little brother is "a pleasure to have in class"

Misc:

tim's toxic era (positive)

bruce learning that his childhood was not universal (jew moment)

dickbabs butch/femme agenda

part 2

harper beefcake rights

league of assasins home ec

my villain origin story [meta-ish]

short batman

[literalite]

9, 15, 27, 54 meow meow meow (kris :3) !!!!

9. do they give tough love or gentle love most often? which do they prefer to receive?

i dont think at this stage of life he's ever expressed any tough love in his life DFGHJKL criticism even for someone else's own good is not familar to him at all. ironically though he prefers things being given to him as straight and sugarless as possible- the nicer something is said to him, the more likely he'll take it as harsh complaint

15. what’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

i think given the proximity of all of these things (you don't get a lot of distance between home, school, and friends when the commune you've lived in your whole life is 50-100 people and less then a quarter of them are roughly your age demographic) he's really reserved in all fronts, just slightly less so among friends

27. what’s the worst gift they ever received? how did they respond?

dude to be totally honest i cant think of what exactly the gift would have been but it probably came from lily. it was probably meant as a gag gift. it was probably purple. he definitely stared at it for a beat too long with a very baffled expression but i think overall it got delegated to a funny anecdote

54. what’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

had to google the last one and its definitely fawn LMAOO acquiescing to the opinions of others is his immediate go to in a stressful situation at this point in time

[ceterisparibus116]

If Matt couldn't fight (for any reason), what would be his reaction to danger? Flight, Freeze or Fawn?

OOOOH. Probably ✨it depends. ✨

I think if someone else were in danger, he'd Freeze. He'd be so stuck on trying to figure out a way to Fight or a way to rescue them or a way to somehow protect them from harm.

If it's just himself, I think he'd probably Fly, and then come back fiercer than before. (I'm thinking of the time he jumped out the window when he realized Fisk was winning, just to come back with a reinforced suit.)

I also think we can go off of his reactions to emotional "danger" (where he can't fight). When Foggy hits him where it hurts, Matt tends to shut down.

Although...hmm, I suppose "shutting down" could be considered Flight as well as Freeze, maybe? Possibly? I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW?

@ladymaigrey may I solicit your expertise on Matt's "shutting down" response? (I dared to look at google and...huh. There seems to be a Lot out there on shutting down vs flight vs freeze.)

[system-of-a-feather]

A thing I do have to say, as a system / trauma survivor on the very active form of coping and survival (flight and fight), I really struggle to understand, empathize with (even just cognitively), and sympathize with those with the more passive forms of coping and survival (freeze and fawn) towards trauma, anxiety, depression, etc and I have to regularly keep myself in check when seeing it to NOT judge just because I don't really understand it.

Cause every time I just internally go "Okay well STOP being sad for yourself and get yourself going to fix your situation, look do this" - not in a "I'm better than you" or "Its your fault" way but in a "why aren't you doing anything" based on the fact that whenever I'm having A Time, I (as a whole) tend to GO. We don't experience long periods of fawn or freeze and usually those are in transition or just briefly to recover from our constant fight-flight nature.

I don't understand passive coping past a logical theoretical level. I understand that people cope that way, I understand that it is often a distraction / soothing behavior or the most they feel they can do because their brain tends to shut down rather than activate - I understand that it is hyporegulation and I get that on a face level.

But on a personal level? I can't put myself in the shoes. I can't imagine what it would be like or what line of thinking / feeling would drive that. I can't see into it at all. I don't really know the best thing to do to help someone in those modes and defer to the assumed best safe answer of giving space and leaving an open door / ear, but it's extremely foreign of a concept.

From my perspective, I see it and it just looks sad and miserable and - because of my extreme specialized end of coping - I just go "how are you SITTING there? it looks miserable!" cause again, the LAST thing I do as a heavy hyper regulated cope-r, is sit.

I dunno, I'm just sitting and analyzing the differences in coping patterns cause my boy is having a Time atm and I'm like "Google, try to generate a plan with our non-existent empathy and failing cognitive empathy"

Anyways, if anyone wants to share / explain their experiences with either end of coping or wants to give me tips and ideas of how to help someone who leans to depressive-style coping than mine. Not in any urgent situation cause I've talked with him some and have a good general preferred sort of thing but like

This shit always confuses me. I'm too.... a lot of things to understand this beyond a theoretical hyper rationalized manner.

(Also if anyone can explain this to me, you have the right to explain this to me like I'm a 8 year old kid if you like cause thats probably about as much as I understand it and its fair. I am always so bewildered as to how that kind of coping Works and thus always confused as to how to best help someone that copes in such a way)

[ausetkmt]

29 Physical And Emotional Ways Childhood Trauma Can Show Up In Adults, From Those Who Have Lived It

If you or someone you know grew up in a difficult home environment, it can be common for people to develop certain personality traits or "survival techniques" during this time — which can impact their adult lives in the long run.

So when I saw that Reddit user u/ThatRamKid recently asked, "What's a sign of childhood trauma?" I thought it would be helpful to share some of the answers to see if others might resonate. Here's what some respondents had to say:

1."Hyper independence. You can’t be let down if you never ask for anything in the first place."

—u/caseofgrapes

"This is me. A huge stress of mine. People always try to compliment it and say, 'Oh, you're so independent.' It has some positives for sure — but everything is always on me. Everything is on my shoulders and nobody else's. If I fuck up, I have no one to help. It's exhausting."

–u/rippedloser Coroimage / Getty Images

2."Difficulty trusting, low self-esteem, and fears of being judged."

—u/ReynaAllman

3."Completely shutting down when criticized or corrected. It took me years to get past this."

—u/Ambiguity_Aspect

"Yes! I always feel like I have to explain myself because I think people wouldn’t criticize or correct me if they knew what I was thinking."

—u/notthebestusername12

4."In some cases, excessive people-pleasing tendencies."

—u/paul_rudds_drag_race

"Yep, if anyone is interested in this, google fawning. It’s an alternative to fight/flight/freeze. Not an expert, just a survivor, but from what I understand/experienced, it manifests when a victim can’t get out of an unsafe situation and ends up people-pleasing as an attempt to avoid setting off their abuser or minimize the extent of the abuse."

—u/kriscrossroads

"From Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving:

'Traumatized children often over-gravitate to one of these response patterns to survive, and as time passes these four modes become elaborated into entrenched defensive structures ...

RESPONSE (MECHANISM) Defense (mechanism)

FIGHT (RAGE to be safe) Narcissistic (control to connect)

FLIGHT (PERFECT to be safe) Obsessive/Compulsive (perfect to connect)

FREEZE (HIDE to be safe) Dissociative (no way I'll connect)

FAWN (GROVEL to be safe) Codependent (merge to connect)'

"I'm also not an expert, just a survivor. My personal theory is that each response mechanism maps onto the big emotions (anger, disgust/fear, sadness, and joy deferred).

"A quick lesson from years of therapy: If you don't learn how to respect and honor your emotions by letting them speak in healthy ways internally, then they are bound to morph into pathologies that end up popping out sideways or backward socially."

—u/UberSeoul Morsa Images / Getty Images

5."I am always scared that people are mad at me. Always."

—u/goaskalexdotcom

6."Trouble forming relationships."

—u/CavalloScuro

7."Getting disproportionately frustrated at themselves for small accidents such as spilling things and accidentally breaking something. What happens is a lot of these people were abused as kids for doing these things, so as adults, when these things happen, their brains overload their systems with fear and anxiety, and frustration can be a secondary emotion to that. This is basically a conditioned response because your brain associates these accidents with imminent danger. This is why therapy is so important for people who had shit childhoods, especially during their developing years. I had no idea this was a thing until I went to therapy, but when my therapist explained this to me, it made so much sense. And now when these things happen, I tend to laugh it off."

—u/Mirraco323

"Yep, as a kid, I was never allowed to make mistakes. Received bad grades? I was grounded until the next report card. Dropped a glass? I was berated for being sloppy and careless (exact words). Lost something? I'm also sloppy and careless.

"I went through this my entire childhood and lived with my parents off and on through college. In my first two jobs after college, I had managers who did the same thing, so I just assumed I was the fuckup. I started my current job right about a year ago, and I found a mistake I had made a few months back. I went straight to my boss (it could potentially be a costly mistake) and his response was, 'Thank you for letting me know, and thank you for tracking everything down for me.' I kind of pushed to make sure he understood that I fucked up, and he said, 'Yeah, it's OK. We're all human, and as your boss, it was my job to make sure you understood what was asked. I didn't, and you made an understandable mistake. And now you've done everything in your power to help fix it. I'm proud of you.'

"I held it together for the remaining three hours of my shift, but I burst into tears the second I got in the car to go home. I have never had someone treat me with such kindness and actually recognize that I didn't make that mistake on purpose. And he also recognized that I tried my hardest to make things easier for him and that I wanted to work together to fix things."

—u/Totally_Not_Anna Westend61 / Getty Images/Westend61

8."Always saying sorry. Feeling guilty for speaking up."

—u/Clear-Penalty339

9."Choosing partners who don't support, cherish, or value you. Choosing jobs and relationships that reflect the lack of empathy and neglect that you grew up with."

—u/strawman_11

10."Unable to forgive themselves for small mistakes."

11."Oversharing when you haven’t known the person long. Or the opposite, where you don’t open up to anybody. Two extremes."

—u/agbellamae

"What about both? Oversharing with total strangers but not opening up to friends/family."

—u/Imnotpoopingrn

"That’s me, but not with in-person strangers — only online strangers, where I can be anonymous."

—u/I-love-rainbows

12."Having a hard time showing emotion."

—u/-LavenderFlower-

"This, and sometimes having a hard time even describing how or why you feel the way you do."

—u/jillyszabo

"This is a big one. A side effect of emotionally numbing yourself, or depersonalization."

—u/Randomn355

13."Hypervigilance."

—u/StuEdin

"Survival technique. The kind where you know a parent is going to fly off the handle by the sound the floor makes when they walk."

—u/Ambiguity_Aspect

"Not just parents — I have it from severe school bullying. My parents are great.

"When I eat, I naturally end up facing the entrance of whatever room I'm in; I stand with my back to the wall on the metro; I really, really don't like people standing directly behind me, etc. This probably manifests differently from family abuse stuff, but it's definitely a thing. Mine is because kids would sneak up behind me and stab pencil lead into my back and stuff, or staples, while at lunch or whatever, so I ended up getting horse brain and freaking out when someone's directly behind me."

—u/BlatantConservative Maki Nakamura / Getty Images

14."Scared of conflict to the point where you avoid it at all costs, because you're certain that if it happens, the other person will hate you or it will end horribly. You’ve never seen people calmly sit down and discuss their emotions in a loving way, so that world doesn’t exist for you."

—u/blushbell

15."The ability to stay calm in emergencies or chaotic situations."

—u/Glass_Command_5432

"Ahh, that last one got me. When shit hits the fan, I am almost always calm, but when things are just fine...crippling anxiety about what could go wrong, LOL."

—u/twitchytortoise

16."Peacekeeping. A kid doesn't realize that their parent (mom, in my case) is an emotionally abusive asshole. All I knew is, I didn't want people to be so mad at each other. I think my life would have been better if I hadn't talked them out of divorce."

—u/BridgetteBane

"My parents fought constantly. Verbal abuse at its finest. As the oldest, I was the peacekeeper. Then I became an unwilling 'counselor' for my mom in my early teens and a whipping boy for my stepdad. These two should never have been together, and our lives would have been better had they divorced."

—u/Tiny_Teach_5466 Photoalto / Getty Images/PhotoAlto

17."Feeling bad just for existing."

—u/thatdrunkbetch

18."Perfectionism. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I just always thought I was bad at everything or 'lazy,' when, in fact, I deal with a crippling level of perfectionism."

—u/still_hate_pancakes

19."Extreme self-cringe. Doubting if what you said was the right thing. Doubting if you acted the right way, or behaved the right way in a social setting. Asking someone several times if you did something correctly. Zoning out because you randomly remembered a traumatic childhood memory, low self-esteem, lack of confidence."

20."No or few good memories."

—u/HypnoticBurden

"I feel amazed when someone remembers every detail of their childhood, all their schoolteachers' names from grades 1 through 12. My early years are mostly haze."

—u/GREASYROOFTOP

21."An adult acting childlike. People think it's cringe, but age regression is a trauma response. You can especially see this if you've ever been to a psych ward. People are clinging to blankets and stuffed animals. Childhood was probably the last time they existed without being traumatized."

—u/dinosanddais1

22."Childish activities become almost like treats. People can just enjoy watching things from their childhood or playing games independent of trauma, but it is incredibly common for people with trauma to want to relive the childhood they lost when they are in a safer environment."

23."Being an 'empath.' You actually have conditioned yourself to be highly attuned to micro changes that indicate negativity you need to look out for."

—u/OkJellyfish6400

24."Constant dark humor or self-deprecating humor. People might think you're really funny and forgiving, but sometimes they are both just coping mechanisms."

—u/IKickedASmurf

25."Being insecurely attached to friends and romantic partners."

26."Overexplaining."

—u/veronicagh

"Justifying your thoughts and actions in your head as if preparing for someone to pop in and demand an explanation."

—u/Anonymous7056

27."Constantly feeling that you need approval from other people."

—u/StriveForGreat1017

28."No eye contact. I know because even at the age of 45, I always struggle with this."

29."Someone once told me, 'Your parents shouldn't be your first bullies,' and holy FUCK, that rocked me. One sign you can notice in yourself that I didn't realize until I started therapy: You don't have physical sensations when feeling. Everything is just like...mental? It's hard to explain, but happiness is supposed to exist somewhere physically. Not every emotion is supposed to be represented by your permanent vague chest tension. Wild!"

"Another sign: You rarely, if ever, talk about yourself socially. I ask a shit ton of questions of people, and I am happy to listen to them and hear their problems, but I don't share much of myself with anyone. It makes it hard for me to deepen relationships because I don't practice vulnerability. I don't think people want to hear from me."

—u/AmbienWalrusTime

Are there other signs of childhood trauma that weren't mentioned above? If so, tell us what they are in the comments below.

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.

Dial 988 in the US to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386. Find other international suicide helplines at Befrienders Worldwide (befrienders.org).

The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.

[betweenpartandmeet]

hey google how do i change my flight/freeze/fawn response to fight

[fvaleraye]

SPAM BEGIMS!!! Can I get a 🧠 for Leona, Artemis, and Velda?

:elmofire: the scintillam girls....

🧠 - What is their stress response: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?

we had to google what fawn meant asdlfkjn for Leona it's definitely fight- she has a short fuse when she's stressed, and it shows. she tries not to let that affect her too much though, because the last thing she wants to do is say or do something she'll regret, but she can be a bit hotheaded in the stress of the moment Artemis is somewhere between fight and freeze? she's a wolf- a very smart magic wolf, but a wolf nonetheless- so in a stressful situation she freezes in the kind of "holding your ground" kind of way. she does get a bit skittish with more casual stresses for Velda it heavily depends on the situation, but it's usually flee. she has some avoidant behaviors she's trying to work on

[brucewayneisabusive]

Our Tagging System

Welcome to @brucewayneisabusive, an archive dedicated to collecting Bruce's canon abuse in one place for easy reference.

All characters are tagged by "first name + last name" (in lowercase). If the moment involves all the batkids, the tag is "all batkids". If it involves Bruce's girlfriends and exes, the tag is "abuse towards girlfriends".

For all other tags, see below:

fandom apologia: Common excuses Batfandom likes to make for Bruce's abusive behavior.

misrepresented panels: Panels that Batfandom likes to pass off as cute or fluffy that are actually abusive in context.

physical abuse: Self-explanatory.

verbal abuse: These involve Bruce demeaning somebody.

emotional abuse: These involve emotional manipulation, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, etc.

emotional neglect: These involve withholding or withdrawing affection, comfort, etc; i.e., not meeting a child's basic emotional needs. Research shows that childhood emotional neglect (CEN) is capable of causing C-PTSD, personality disorders, and stunting growth in victims. Google is free.

parentification: A form of CEN in which the child is forced to take on an adult, parental role for an emotionally immature parent.

codependency and trauma bonding: Trauma bonding is the (often obsessive) emotional attachment an abuse victim may develop towards their abuser, especially when the abuser is capable of "lapses" in abusive behavior (i.e. occasional affection). Co-dependency is a similar trauma response by the victim towards the abuser, stemming from the "fawn" response in "flight/fight/freeze/fawn". The victim feels they cannot leave/live without the abuser.

classist abuse: Self-explanatory.

racist abuse: Self-explanatory.

controlling behavior: Bruce manipulating someone and violating their autonomy/consent for missions or otherwise.

projection: Bruce displaying emotional immaturity by projecting his own feelings onto others.

external evidence: Situations and analyses outside of direct one-to-one abuse that support the fact that Bruce has been, or is capable of being, abusive.

HOW WE DEFINE ABUSE: A long-term pattern of exploiting a power imbalance (emotionally, physically, financially, sexually, for labor, etc.) Abuse does not have to be intentional to qualify as abuse; intent does not negate impact. Just as someone being unintentionally bigoted is still being bigoted, Bruce believing he loves his children and romantic partners does not nullify his abuse. Neither do his own trauma and implied mental illnesses justify abusive behavior.

[FAQ]

[myshredda]

What if teacher came back? Like one just appears again.

Ok, but now teacher is nice. Uhh example, shoe tieing/ laces teacher. (Cause no one actually ever taught yellow to tie his shoes apparently >:)

Teacher is just like, "hey, this is how you do it now you try!" And is actually encouraging and not like the others. Everyone is so tense about it, but yellow is properly learning and not having his hands cut off cause he can't figure it out. And teacher's just "aye good job man! Here's all these cool ways you can lace up your shoes too!" Then just leaves. Like a week later he's trying out all these different ways to lace up shoes

Oh I've had a "what if Lesley sends a teacher just to shake things up" wip kicking around in my google docs as far back as October, but I haven't been able to figure out when the best time to put it into the storyline because I feel like it would be a real doozy to the emotional growth and mental health of the trio. It's been especially halted by the new existence of my Yellow x2 (and then x3) AU which has yet to be actually planned out OR written lol.

I had it more planned out to be a random teacher showing up, Red going into fight/flight/freeze/fawn with freeze winning out, watching in horror as the teacher asks Duck if they want to learn about XYZ, Duck saying no, which confuses the shit out of the teacher, the teacher then asking Yellow if he wants to learn about XYZ, Red having a heart attack over thinking about all the bad things that can happen if Yellow says yes, and then Yellow being like 'my dad said no so no.' and the teacher kind of pressing harder which snaps Red out of it and he's like "HE SAID NO NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE" all scary. I lost the plot at that point but I assumed it would be a deepdive into more emotional issues

That being said, I actually really like your take on this! It would be interesting to see a teacher, like, actually teaching them something and/or being helpful and generally non-murderous. It would give Red a lot to think over, maybe re-examine his internal feelings on all they'd gone through, he'd probably be a little bitter that it could have been nice this whole time and instead they were tortured and traumatized. All very interesting stuff!!!

[majoris]

food for thought: let’s cry about the Roy kids together

Okay, so lemme start with this: I don’t know why it’s today and not at any earlier time that it dawned on me that Logan Roy could have some traits/case of a narcissistic personality disorder. I honestly don’t know, because that road of inquiry lines pretty nicely with a few things. Whatever the case of that might be, I was just sitting around and had a thought™: is Logan a narcissist? So, as any person would have done, I’ve googled it and of course I’ve stumbled upon some interesting articles which has led me... well, here I guess.

Not sure if anyone posted something similar on tumblr dot com - I’m guessing yes, but if so I haven’t seen it anywhere around so that’s my excuse for this one (pls let me know about such post/s ‘cause I’d love to read ‘em) - but I wanted to share some fun information I’ve just acquired with you all so we could cry about the Roy kids together & have some things to mull over etc etc

disclaimer! Those are not an original thoughts/ideas of mine and I do not take credit for them. What’s more I don’t feel the need to paraphrase nor do I feel eloquent enough to dish it out on my own. I do not think this is ‘the definitive’, neither is it the full read on those characters but it is an interesting side to look from if you haven’t already. All I want here is to lay some things on you in the form of quotes and such for fun and games and soul hurting times if you haven’t ventured into this particular avenue just yet. All the links to the articles will be provided at the end (or wherever tumblr will let me add them for this post to be visible in tags) if you want to read from the source.

& just to be safe, #TW for talk about PTSDs, trauma responses, narcissistic parenting and general ‘Succession things’ (& spoilers)

the Roy Kids and ‘The 4Fs’

Shiv & 'The Fight' Type

Ken & 'The Fawn' + 'The Fight/Fawn' Type

Roman & 'The Flight' Type + 'The Flight/Freeze'

Connor & 'The Freeze' Type

+ bonus: Logan & Narcissistic Father

sources:

“Succession” is Really a Tragedy About Narcissistic Parenting The 4Fs: A Trauma Typology in Complex Codependency, Trauma and the Fawn Response The Narcissistic Father Tyrannical Narcissistic Fathers Push Everyone Around Toxic Narcissistic Family Dynamics Explained My Father the Narcissist

& shout-out to @iceinherheart-kissonherlips​ for being my enabler in this

[angrelysimpping]

It’s so rare I see someone who likes Darryl! I really loved the scenes where you get to save them. Do you have any headcanons about them or Landry? I think my favourite might be Jordan, their shower scenes are too cute 🥰

Anon you have unlocked some part of my brain that can think of something other than Whitney and Kylar and I don’t know how to thank you

Headcanons under the cut because I went a little overboard =P. TW for past abuse because, well, Darryl’s past

Darryl:

Their glasses are for reading only. They don't need them for everyday use. This is why Darryl will set them on top of their head when not using them

It would be better if they kept their glasses on a chain around their neck. Wouldn't forget where their glasses are (as often) if on a chain. Doesn't like the look of it though, thinks it makes them look too serious

Would be interested in a romantic relationship but not necessarily a sexual one. Not necessarily with the PC, but just in general

Sex is a big deal for them bc of their past. Any sexual relationship would start as a friendship then turn into romance then, maybe, into sex. Would take a long time to evolve from one to the other

Knows Briar and is not on good terms with them

Avoids going near the school at all costs. Does everything in their power to avoid Leighton. Might have actually banned Leighton from the club

Feel like Darryl would be a huge nerd. Like, could go off on a target about some minor historical fact for over an hour

Doesn't drink often. Only does when their head gets stuck in the past

Doesn't swear a lot. Even though they run a strip club that has some explicit VIP services, Darryl is saying 'dang' and 'Frick'

Will swear when their emotions run high! Knows every bad word under the sun and will use them!

Can't really do physical altercations because their fight/flight/freeze/fawn instinct is stuck on 'freeze.' Same for verbal altercations. Only enters into verbal fights on other people's behalf

Not one for physical contact unless they really trust you

Has three pet cats who are spoiled to hell

Afraid of dogs

I don't know why but I can't shake the idea that Darryl and Eden could be good friends?

Landry:

What do you mean you don't know what wi-fi is???? What do you mean you've been running a criminal operation without using the internet at all???? How?????

Doesn't know what 'a Google' is

Could be taught a few tech things but not much

You're a criminal Landry, do NOT give that random stranger your personal information

That Nigerian prince isn't real, do not give them your bank info. You have pulled almost the exact same scam on people in person 

If your password is 'password123' I’m taking your phone away until you learn how to secure it properly

7 wpm typing speed on a good day

Worked their way up to where they are. Started out stealing from houses and pickpocketing

Doesn't steal as much now, more into trading favors and selling to the black market

Knows a few very powerful people

On neutral terms with Bailey and Briar 

Micky is their child now

Very plain. Could easily be mistaken for someone else. Uses it to their advantage

When you agreed to go to this party with Avery, you did not expect to spot Landry among the guests. You almost didn’t recognize Landry at first. They're wearing nicer clothes than normal, if still on the lower end of the spectrum for a gathering like this. You make eye contact with Landry from across the room. They give you a slight nod and keep moving. Leaving Avery is not an option, not unless you're willing to face their rage later. You push Landry out of your mind and try to focus on the people Avery is talking to. It’s boring but these conversations usually don’t last too long. Avery tries to talk to as many people as possible at these parties; making connections, rubbing elbows, that whole shtick. As luck would have it, the next person Avery singles out to schmooze with is Landry. When Avery introduces Landry as 'Jesse,' you don’t bat an eye. You give Landry a shy smile that you know will earn you points with Avery, if at the expense of teasing at the pub. Maybe Landry will cut you some slack? After all, you don't say anything about how after shaking Landry's hand, Avery is wearing one less ring

[boeswhore]

Hello lovey. Lots of info so hope it's okay to submit this, asks/responses to your post didn't have enough room.

Physical:

• WATCH SOMETHING FUNNY. LAUGH. Laughing is literally the best thing you can do for your brain, even if you're FAKING IT - your brain LITERALLY DOESNT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

•I like to do the physiological sigh (you can google it) two inhales and long exhale. It's an evolutionary breathing technique our bodies do automatically when we cry, and it's designed to calm your system down and activate your parasympathetic nervous system (rest/digest vs fight flight freeze fawn). 

•one thing i like to do for grounding is standing on the Earth barefoot for maybe 5 mins (in the sun if possible) If you're able to do so, do it! If you cant go outside or its too cold, for whatever reason, you can lay on a bed or on the ground and visualize yourself connecting to the earth with a rope/cord

•There's also a gentle technique called havening that's pretty relaxing. Insight timer is the best app I've found for free meditations - and my fav meditations are yoga nidras or Non-Sleep-Deep-Rest (40 mins is equivalent to 4 hours of sleep). Meditation is a PRACTICE, and your brain is not meant to "SHUT OFF" or "go places" like spiritually, so you can start with 5 minutes and just watch your thoughts go through your head. I highly recommend Ally Boothroyd on YouTube and Insight Timer (she has 5 min to over an hour meditations)

•Meditation not your thing? - try ASMR/adult bedtime stories/calming sounds like windchimes. Calm Whale is my fav youtube for this.

•Drinking a warm drink, or tea is also lovely. Take a warm bath and make it an experience - oils, crystals, bath salts, music, weed/alcohol if you indulge or any other drink/substance that makes you feel good/ light candles/bubbles/ just BE

•There's also a great technique, the 5,4,3,2,1 method: State 5 things you see State 4 things you feel State 3 things you hear State 2 things you hear State 1 thing you taste (or sense in your mouth)

•Another lovely technique to help provide DOSE chemistry to your brain (Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, Endorphins or the feel good chemicals of the brain) is to think of a time when someone has complimented you, or when you have witnessed another human being doing something loving for another. This is the best known form of a "gratitude" practice - when we recall a time someone has been grateful for us and told us, or when we witness someone else being grateful to someone else. (Andrew Huberman/Huberman Labs podcast discusses this on an episode about gratitude.)

•Yell/scream/punching something If you have a pool/bath, going under water and screaming is SO GOOD to get that shit out

•shaking your body/dancing helps release stuck energy/emotions (google for more medical/info)

Spiritually/energetically •Ask for angels/guides/Spirit/God to surround you •Light a candle •Pray/Say affirmations •Talk to an ancestor/someone who has passed on •hold/connect/visualize any black crystal •Draw a tarot/oracle card or ask someone else to do so for you if you don't have access/or you can use a book, flip to a random page and put your finger down and see what message you get. You can ask a question or just leave it open. (generally you'd want to use an uplifting book, and not like a murder mystery lmao)

Also just like - give your self a fucking break. You're human. You're 18. You're chilling. Life goes on from WHATEVER you are experiencing and you can HANDLE IT.

You got this babe. Message me if you need more info on anything listed xoxo hope something here helps. <3

[star-anise]

1/2) This is sort of a weird question but - I’ve seen a lot on Tumblr about C-PTSD from Pete Walker, who a quick Google tells me is a licensed psychotherapist but who doesn’t seem to have any credentials about mental health. His book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving was recommended to me recently but a quick skim of it revealed he believes in auras and talks about them in a clinical/treatment capacity. I’m a spiritual person myself, but since I’m seeking out additional information

2/2) and resources while I’m in therapy, I’d like to focus on science first; am I right to trust my gut and say Walker isn’t a good source or should I trust my friend who recommended the book and found it helpful? Mostly I’m trying to figure out if he’s got actual credentials somewhere, because he’s pinging all my snake oil salesmen alarms. I’m sorry if this isn’t really a You question, by the way; I’m pretty sure I’ve seen his book on your blog before which is why I wanted to ask.

I’ve never read Pete Walker’s books, though I’ve read some of his articles. I will point out that being a psychotherapist with an MA in Counselling Psychology is a credential in mental health. He is an expert, to some degree. I’ve noticed that he tends to write about things that he doesn’t provide a lot of research-based evidence for, like adding the Fawn response to the traditional fight/flight/freeze stress response formulation, which is a concept that feels very intuitively correct to me–and yet, psychology as a field has gone wrong before by going with theories that feel true but haven’t been tested on a large population.

If his book doesn’t work for you, don’t force it. Complex trauma is a field where fundamental human conceptions of reality are being tested, so some people really do end up in deep, weird, wacky places as a result. It’s useful to have books that speak to people where they are–some people want the New Age approach.

On the other hand, the “whatever feels true” approach has led abuse survivors down some pretty dark pathways, like the repressed memory movement, where vulnerable people and children were actively encouraged by their therapists to “reconnect with” memories of Satanic Ritual Abuse–memories that quite frequently never, ever happened. (This is not to say ritual abuse never happens–there are families and social groups that hand down abuse patterns like heirloom recipes–but many claims made during the Satanic Panic were completely disproved by later forensic and archeological analysis)

Put simply: If an approach doesn’t resonate with you, you are in no way obligated to keep trying it. In fact, making active decisions about what to read and what to put back on the shelf are part of developing self-mastery, which is an important part of the healing process.

So if you want books about complex PTSD that are more scientifically based, I recommend The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, which reviews the science behind PTSD and then several different treatment types that have shown effective, or The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, which is an in-depth look specifically at the long-term neurological effects of trauma that occurs during childhood.

[sawasta]

ahhh I really neglect this blog but I finished this series!!

I said I'd explain it with the final so I guess I actually will lmao

more under the cut...

So this series is part of my sustained investigation project for AP studio. My investigation is over trauma and this series focuses specifically on the four F’s of traumatic responses (fight- the dog, flight- the bird, fawn- the...fawn, and freeze- the polar bear)

So basically to dive into each painting a little bit:

(I’d recommend googling the four F’s of trauma typology if you want to know more)

The dog represents fight. I chose to make it a dog because dogs can sometimes have a reputation as being aggressive, especially a dog that was raised in a bad environment will be very wary of humans. I felt like it fit, the red background kind of tying into that theme as well. 

The bird represents flight because of the rather obvious and literal translation to a birds ability to fly. I wanted to stick to primary colors as a background theme at this point but I mostly liked the contrast it made. 

The polar bear represents freeze. Polar bears especially spend most of their lives isolated and distanced from other creatures, they also hibernate, both of those things fit well with this typology. The blue kind of adds to the cold atmosphere of it.

The fawn is kind of obvious but it also relates heavily to the idea of vulnerability present in this typology. The green seemed like a good color for it half because when you think of deer you think of forests or grass and also because in my mind it feels vaguely connected to the idea of vulnerability but I think that might just be me lol. 

The nooses are on the fawn and the dog because I see those two as the self destructive typologies, though somewhat opposite in nature, both are to do with tendencies that are very harmful for the person themselves emotionally.

The blindfolds are on the bird and the bear because I see those two as the more escapist typologies. Those typologies are trying to run or hide from the past in some way, effectively making them blind. 

I had originally planned to make this a series of four sculptures but uh... I severely overestimated how much time I had. I have three AP classes (just took my calculus AB exam today, English Literature tomorrow! RIP me) and studio kept moving right along with projects. I had to scrap the sculpture idea after the first one dried out mid sculpt (yikes.) 

I haven’t really been focusing as much on art lately, not giving up on it or anything don’t worry!! I just have been kind of shifting my attention to other things. I’ve had a strong interest in psychology for several years now and I’ve started to become interested in psychiatry. Kind of a rambly personal story for that one but the idea of medical school has been consuming most of my time lately haha. 

I should hopefully have a few other pieces to upload here and there, I’ll try and be more active on here but you know how it is. Hope quarantine is treating you guys well :)

[sharedheadspace]

a copy/paste of [this] twitter thread on the fawning response to abuse, found through [this] tumblr post encouraging clicking through to read the whole thing

because when i come back to this i know im not going to be in the brainspace to bother clicking through, and nobody wants to fucking read eight thousand twitter screenshots. ever

[bolding added by me, in pieces i know im going to want to look at]

I want to share what has been, in the last year or so, one of the most important things I've realized about my own trauma history — something that has been massively important for my own healing.

Let's talk about the link between people-pleasers and emotional abuse.

Confession: I am a people-pleaser. It took me a long time to realize this, though. Because I'm opinionated! And I speak my mind! I'm an "open book" about a lot of what I've been through. Clearly I don't care what people think... right?

But people-pleasing is a lot more complex than that. It's actually part of a trauma response. Most people know about fight, flight, and freeze — but another response, "fawn," is at the core of what people-pleasing is actually about.

To avoid conflict, negative emotions, and retraumatization, people who "fawn" when triggered will go out of their way to mirror someone's opinions and appease them in order to deescalate situations (or potential issues).

For me, this meant that the more invested I was in an emotional connection, the less likely I was to criticize that person, vocalize when my boundaries were crossed, express unhappiness with their behavior, or share anything that I felt might damage that relationship.

This could come across as being excessively nice and complimentary, overly-concerned with another person's happiness, and waiting for cues in conversation to determine if something was "safe" to share or disclose. People-pleasers are often considered "emotional chameleons."

People-pleasers are often really warm, encouraging, and generous people. They tend to overextend themselves and say "yes" to everything and everyone, eager to make those they care about happy and comfortable.

They often grow up in very controlling and chaotic environments, and internalized the idea that if they were perfectly good or well-behaved, they could minimize conflict and secure love and attachment. 

And. When you have this tendency to defer, make yourself subordinate, try to become smaller, ignore your boundaries and intuition, and minimize your own needs... you are profoundly vulnerable to emotional abuse.

When you are excessively concerned with pleasing others, you learn that in order to be effective at this, you have to shut down your gut instincts, your values, your emotions — bc being an individual, rather than a mirror, doesn't serve you in securing the love that you want.

People-pleasers can become drawn to abusive relationships, and repelled from relationships that are abundantly loving — because love has to feel "earned" in order to feel secure. In other words? If love is given too freely or easily, it doesn't feel safe.

This means people-pleasers can be drawn to relationships that are controlling (they feel safest when they defer to others), emotionally-withholding (they are driven by the need to "secure" affection/elated when they do), and even abusive (their lack of boundaries is exploited).

Another part of being vulnerable to abuse is that people-pleasers are so easily gaslit, because when they are inclined to suppress their own instincts, values, and beliefs, they're infinitely more likely to defer to an abuser's version of events or narrative.

This also means that "fawn" types often go through cycles of restricting emotionally (I can't be "too much" for others) & then purging emotionally ("unloading" onto a trusted person bc the expectation to be perfect gets to be too much).

(I think this is why so many of us have eating disorders — just an anecdotal observation, but I digress...)

People-pleasers (the "fawn" trauma response) isn't intended to manipulate others and it's not meant to be dishonest. Every single person presents a version of themselves to others. This merely describes how trauma informs that presentation on an often unconscious level.

The "fawn" response is driven by fear, not a hidden agenda. The "fawn" type is less about manipulation, because it's not being used to *overpower* someone. Instead, it's an excessive *relinquishing* of personal power, driven by fear and a desire for validation.

For example, someone who runs personal errands for their boss — despite it not being part of their job description — is not manipulating their boss into liking them. (It won't work anyway.) Their boss, testing those thin boundaries, is exploiting their need for approval.

In more intimate relationships, this can show up as "fawn" types gravitating towards hot/cold dynamics, where affection and love are offered unpredictably.

This is where the emotional abuse piece comes into play. You have someone who is controlling, who feels safest in relationships where they call the shots, and most loved when someone is actively seeking out their approval. Enter: The "fawn" type.

An abuser will offer validation only to keep the fawn type tethered. But they'll withdraw that it before things feel secure, to ensure that the pleaser will continue going out of their way to "fawn" — continually giving over their power and autonomy so the abuse can continue.

I'm sharing this because, holy shit, my friends, the number of traumatic relationships I've thrown myself into — professionally, personally, romantically — to get stuck in this cycle, with my self-esteem pulverized, has made my heart so heavy.

It took stepping away from a friendship that had so thoroughly gaslit and demolished me — while plummeting into the deep depths of anorexia — before I realized that chasing controlling, emotionally unavailable, even abusive people was crushing my spirit.

I'm not going to leave you hanging, though. If you're reading this and say, "Holy shit... it me. Oh god. What do I do?" I'm here. I've got some advice, some books, some resources. Hang tight. For starters, I'm going to ask you something: Which of your friends do you cancel on?

Personal experience: I had this tendency to bail on friends, partners, acquaintances, whoever, that were the most generous, warm, and emotionally-available. I avoided those relationships where love was free and easy. Because it didn't feel "earned," so I didn't feel "worthy."

Which isn't to say that everyone with this trauma response does this, BUT, we seek out the familiar. Which means many of us tend to avoid what feels unsafe. For people-pleasers, we're so used to working endlessly hard in relationships — it's disorienting when we aren't asked to.

I made a google doc (no, I seriously did) where I listed out people who were "way too nice to me." And then I asked myself, do I like this person? Do I enjoy their company? If I did, I sent them a text message and told them I wanted to commit to spending more time with them.

I was completely honest about my process with those folks, too. I said, "Listen, I get really scared when people are nice to me. You've always been SO nice to me, and I get afraid of disappointing you. But I want to change that, because I just enjoy your company so very much."

In my phone contacts, I put emojis by their names. I put strawberries next to people who were super loving. I put seedling emojis by folks who taught me things that made me think/grow. So when I saw a text from them, it reminded me that I should prioritize that message. [seedling emoji] [strawberry emoji]

And? My life completely changed... in every imaginable way.

My "strawberry emoji people" went from being acquaintances/friendly to becoming chosen family that I literally could not imagine my life without. With the help of some amazing therapy, I grew to love myself so much — because that love was being modeled for me in a healthy way.

I'm going into a partial hospitalization program for my anorexia in the next couple weeks (because I've taken it out on my body as much as I have my mind), and my strawberry people (who are now all in a group text together) have been there every step of the way.

Resources! I genuinely believe that every single person should be reading Pete Walker's book about complex trauma. "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma." It's really damn good. It talks about fawn types in more detail!

Most of all though, I just want to validate the hell out of you. [heart emoji] I understand the very hellish cycle that we find ourselves in when we're consumed by this idea that we need to be "exactly enough," and that, if we measure it out correctly, we'll never hurt or be hurt again.

But relationships involve putting ourselves in harm's way sometimes. What they shouldn't involve, though, is self-harm — and ultimately, that's what "fawning" does. We're harming ourselves. We're making ourselves smaller, we're self-silencing, and we're punishing ourselves.

You are allowed to have ALL the feelings. You are allowed to take up ALL the space. You're allowed to be everything that you are & then some. The right people — your people — will love you even more when they see how expansive your life becomes when you give yourself that space.

It doesn't happen overnight. It's a process! But I want you to know that it's a process you can begin at any time. It's never too late to give yourself permission to be, to show up more authentically, and to find those who will celebrate you for it. I promise you that.