#good fucking night i got dentist in the morning

[incomprehensiblebi]

i got that cabin fever fr

[carcarrot]

am i allowed to have not great teeth if i just ask really niceys

[sadandyetverysexy]

Dp x Dc au: Normal is Good

Okay so hear me out— i see lots of “you can’t control Danny he’s a wild child” premises and like, I agree, I love that, but JUST hear me out. Danny who is just entranced by being treated like a NORMAL KID.

I think for best results this should be done with de-aged Danny so he’s a bit younger, but it can def work with regular Danny too.

Danny winds up running around Gotham for one reason or another doing INSANE SHIT to try and help or just survive and his family is out of the way. The explosion, Bad Fentons, etc— and one of the bats picks up Danny. This can be a dad!Jason, or dad!Dick, or classic Bruce Adoption. But they see this little shit running around and are like “no fucking way, not on my watch you little maniac”

Now, a lot of people use the “Jazz practically raised Danny” card, and I love that card and fully support it, but she was also a kid. With no other parents to consult. Who was raised by the Fentons originally and def has no clue what normal parents are like. So she probably didn’t exactly measure up to how a kid is MEANT to be raised. So Danny still had an incredibly strange childhood that just was Not Normal, but I feel like we see Danny with a deep desire to be normal. He doesn’t even really like being a superhero that much, he just wanted to be a kid.

So he gets bat adopted, and Danny is just functioning how he did growing up with the Fentons, which is No Restrictions Do What You Want. And then his bat dad (using Jason for this) is like “No. It’s Bed Time.” And Danny. Danny is ALL for that. He’s bewildered. Mystified. He’s not grumpy about being told what to do at ALL, because he’s just so shocked.

“You’re serious? You’re fucking dead-ass serious? It’s bed time? Oh my god this is so cool. I’ve never had a bed time before! This is great!” Because this is the first time he’s EVER been treated like a normal child by a parental figure. He just got sent to bed. Wow.

Having a parent who is in charge of keeping him healthy and actually enforces Danny taking care of himself is kind of cool.

“Eat your vegetables, they’re good for you.” And they won’t try to eat him back? Fuck yeah, he’ll eat his vegetables!

“No you aren’t allowed to go out at 2 in the morning, go back to bed, you have a doctors appointment for your yearly checkup tomorrow.” oh ancients, Danny has always heard other kids complain about not being allowed out at night, but to have himself told he can’t? This is so weird. And he’s never been to a yearly check up before!

“Brush your teeth before bed” “I can’t get cavities, I’m dead!” “Ya know, for some reason I don’t believe you. When was the last time you went to the dentist? Are you sure you can’t get them?” Danny has 7 cavities.

The first time Danny gets to actually use the “my dad said No” excuse, he is ECSTATIC. Jack and Maddie have LITERALLY never told him he can’t go out somewhere. Ever. He’s in a whole new world where he doesn’t have to fight ghosts, or be a hero, or anything and he loves it. He has a normal kids room without deadly weapons in it and normal kid hobbies and a fridge full of normal food and a parent who enforces a bed time, and it’s weird as hell and it’s great. Normal is pretty damn good, he has no clue what Sam and Tucker were always complaining about. Shits sweet.

[chvoswxtch]

lucky

pairing: matt murdock x fem!reader

summary: matt finally gets to take out the girl that's been leaving care packages at his door for two months.

warnings: swearing, slight angst, tooth rotting fluff (might need to call your dentist after this one)

word count: 3k

a/n: the highly requested fluffy sequel to care packages. thank you to everyone that requested this. i hope you enjoy your first date with matty. ❤️ as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

[part one]

“I hate you, you know that?”

Matt nearly spit out his coffee as he lurched over the conference table slightly, forcing the lukewarm bitter taste down his throat as a wave of incredulous laughter tore through his chest.

“What? Why?”

“Because it isn’t fair. It’s bad enough you’re so goddamn charming, and it’s borderline offensive that you’re like the most attractive dude I’ve ever seen. Not to mention that whole wounded duck routine you’ve got going on that makes all the girls fall at your feet-”

“Foggy, I don’t-”

“-but what’s exceptionally unacceptable is that you somehow managed to find a girl that knows about the horns, and not only didn’t run away, but still agreed to go out with you. Like the fact that you’re a vigilante and a walking human disaster totally didn’t phase her at all. That’s…like…against the rules!”

Matt couldn’t help but snicker at the disgruntled tone lacing his best friend’s exasperated voice, and the way the edges of Foggy’s mouth dipped in displeasure. 

“What rules, Foggy?”

“The rules of the universe, Matt. You’ve had too much good fortune-

“Right, like being blinded and orphaned-”

“Oh, shut the hell up. I’m talking about-”

“Guys, please. If you two keep bickering, Matt’s gonna be late. He’s lucky she’s even going out with him at all. Can we finish this?”

Karen glanced between Matt and Foggy with an arch of her brow, trying to hide the smirk that threatened to capture her lips as Matt’s teasing grin faltered into a purse of his lips from that bruise to his ego.

“Wow. Thank you…for that vote of confidence, Karen.”

“It’s true and you know it. Now, both of you sign these damn papers so we can get out of here before she changes her mind.”

Foggy’s expression suddenly turned serious as he focused his attention solely on Matt, staring at him with an accusatory finger pointed in his direction.

“I swear to God, Murdock. If you fuck up my pipeline to those crack cookies, I will never forgive you. You better turn that Matthew Murdock charm up to a million, you got me? I want those cookies, Matt. Cookies.”

»»———　　———««

It had been five days since Matt had asked you to dinner, and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you. Between the slew of court cases he was elbow deep in and the extra patrol he’d been doing at the docks to bust a trafficking ring, he hadn’t had a chance to talk to you again. He couldn’t feel your presence when he awoke past his alarm in the mornings, and when he finally got home at the Devil’s hour, he could hear you below him sleeping soundly in your bed.

For the past five nights, the harmony of your heart’s rhythm had eased him into a peaceful sleep like a serene lullaby.

But Karen’s words had anxiety filling every single cell in his body as he navigated the bustling streets of Hell’s Kitchen. 

What if you had changed your mind?

It had been five days. Five days without getting to speak to you again. Five days without another care package. 

That wasn’t unusual, right?

You didn’t follow a strict schedule with them. The drop offs were usually every few weeks. It just wasn’t time for one.

Or maybe you didn’t want to deliver any more of them.

Maybe the reality of who and what he was sank in and gave you cold feet.

Maybe this was over before it began.

“Fuck.”

Matt felt like he was losing his mind playing the role of the plaintiff and the defendant in the case of had he royally fucked this up already. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this nervous to go on a date. Maybe it was because you were the first person he was going on a date with as himself. Not one half concealing the other. Not with a pre-spun web of lies to cover his tracks. Not with a rehearsal to remember to play down his abilities. 

All his cards were out on the table, and while he felt an absolute rush of liberation that you knew the truth already, the consequences of that truth were daunting and seemed to be lurking around every corner of his mind. By the time he reached his door, his clammy hands kept slipping over his key, and sweat had started to bead uneasily along his hairline.

Should he call this whole thing off?

He really didn’t want to. 

Did you want him to call it off?

He prayed you didn’t.

Had you been thinking about him for the past five days too?

He really hoped so.

»»———　　———««

When Matt finally made it to your door, he was nearly out of breath and his cheeks were flushed with heat. He had changed three times because you had, and he didn’t want to be over or underdressed. He focused his senses intently on you, trying to decipher the materials and textures of the outfit you finally settled on. You had music playing as you got ready, and for a few moments Matt just paused and listened to you hum along. You seemed to be in a good mood, and that eased his nerves considerably.

Was it wrong for him to invade on your privacy like that? The angel on his shoulder was already adding it to the laundry list for his confession on Sunday. But the Devil in him argued that he was going to hear you anyway. It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t help what his senses picked up.

Fifteen minutes before he was supposed to meet you at your door, Matt panicked and realized he hadn’t got you any flowers, and promptly ran down the street in search of a vendor. He spent eight minutes trying to pick some out. He didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked, and roses felt too cliche and insincere. He wanted to pick something special, something that showed he put thought into them, even if he had run to get them right before he was supposed to pick you up.

The vendor had talked him into a bouquet of violet peonies, and since he didn’t have time to spare, he raced back praying that this was the one flower you didn’t hate or God forbid were allergic to.

Matt took a moment to gather himself outside your door; wiping the sweat from his brows with the back of his hand, attempting to steady his rapid breathing, smoothing his windblown hair back into place, and reciting a quiet Lord’s Prayer for good measure.

When his knuckles finally collided with your door to knock, he didn’t know if his heart was racing from the marathon he had just run, or because of you. 

The light patter of your feet eagerly approaching the door caused a smile to grace his lips, and once he tuned out the sound of his own heart raging in his ears, he could hear yours fluttering in your chest like a hummingbird.

You were nervous too.

There was a bright smile on your lips, and a light twinge of embarrassment from how quickly you had flung your door open, and you let out a quiet laugh at your own expense.

“Hi Matthew.”

God, he had forgotten how melodic your voice sounded, and how much he suddenly loved his own name hearing it fall from your lips.

“Just Matt, is okay. Only my priest calls me Matthew. And, well…a few judges in the courtroom. And my partners when I cause them undue stress in the workplace. I mean you…you can call me whatever you want, whatever’s more comfortable. It’s just-it’s kinda formal, and you don’t have to-”

“Matt’s nice. I like Matt.”

“Matt likes you.”

Matt internally grimaced as those words slipped past his lips, and the mixture of disapproval and mortification on his face from his own blunder caused a fit of giggles to erupt from your mouth.

“Well, then we’re on the same page. Glad we’ve covered that base for tonight.”

He let out a breathy chuckle as he dipped his head for a moment, trying to find the source of his usual easy charm to refuel his glaring depletion. He cleared his throat as tilted his head to the side slightly, gazing blankly past his crimson glasses in the direction of your face with a somewhat shy smile on his full lips while delicately handing you the bouquet.

“I uh…didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked, but the guy said these were the prettiest ones he had.”

Warmth spread across the tops of your cheeks when your fingers lightly brushed against his to retrieve his thoughtful offering, your lips immediately splitting into a wide grin.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you, Matt. I love peonies. How did you know purple was my favorite color?”

Matt perked up at that, and he stood up a little straighter as a proud, dimple-showcasing, toothy grin took over his mouth.

“Lucky guess.”

“Do you always get so lucky?”

“I guess we’ll find out tonight.”

Matt’s dazzling grin immediately dropped, and you could see his eyes widen behind the cherry tinted lenses. As his face paled and his lips parted in horror, his brows shot up above the frame of his glasses.

“Oh God, I didn’t-that wasn’t…I swear I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not-you’re not-this isn’t…I meant the date. Not that I’m expecting anything-I wouldn’t-I just…meant I hope it goes well. I didn’t-Jesus fucking Christ.”

You were nearly in tears with laughter as Matt stumbled over his words. A part of you felt bad for laughing at the clarity of his humiliation, but it was so endearing knowing he was just as affected by his nerves as you were. This man that went out every night to take down dangerous criminals, and was arguably the most feared man in the city himself, was standing in front of your door stumbling over an apology about an unintended double entendre. 

Reaching out to place your hand on his arm, you gave it a reassuring squeeze, momentarily distracted by the dense muscle you felt beneath the soft material of his shirt, before smiling at him in sympathy as you attempted to control your laughter. 

“Matt, it’s okay. Really.”

He let out a deep exhale, his tongue darting out to wet his lips quickly as he let out a short and dry chuckle. Matt nodded his head in your direction, a faint curve of self-deprecation on his lips.

“Is this the worst first date you’ve ever been on?”

There was a teasing tone accompanying the timber of his voice, but layered beneath you could detect a chord of genuine curiosity intermingled with trepidation. The smile on your lips only grew as you looked up at him.

“Actually, it’s one of the best.”

Matt was completely in awe of you. There wasn’t a single falter in your heart’s rhythm. He felt his lips easily mirroring the smile that was on yours, reaching his hand out to lightly grasp your elbow as your hand was still comfortably placed on his bicep.

“What would I have to do to make it the best?”

“Hm. What’s for dinner?”

“Italian. That I know you like.”

A soft noise of content hummed from your throat, and the grin that bloomed on your lips triggered his own.

“Yeah, you’re definitely in my top three right now. But, the night is still young.”

Matt couldn’t help but chuckle at the playful invitation that flowed from your voice.

“Top three? I can work with that. I like a challenge.”

»»———　　———««

The restaurant Matt brought you to was a quaint, family owned spot just a few blocks away from your shared apartment building. It’s a place he had passed by on several instances, the aroma of fresh produce and homemade pasta sauce passed down through generations capturing the intrigue of his senses every time he crossed its path, but he had wanted to save it for a special occasion like a celebratory fifty year old bottle of champagne.

And tonight, he was popping the cork on it with you.

The space was incredibly cozy. Tea light candles flickered romantically on every table and cast an amber glow in the somewhat dim lightning. Collections of sepia and noir photos of large families and historic Italian architecture decorated the walls. The imported Sangiovese was rich in tannins and bold in flavor, caressing your tongue like bittersweet velvet. And the loud personality and thick accent of your waiter repeating your orders off in an alluring symphony of Italian made you feel like you and Matt had somehow been transported straight from Hell’s Kitchen to Italy just by passing through the door.

Both of your nerves seemed to evaporate into the breeze flowing through the open windows with every splash of burgundy against your lips and exchange of exquisite flavor from your dishes. Matt asked you questions with childlike excitement, eager to learn more about you, studying you with the exact same enthusiasm he showed important cases that were of the utmost importance to him.

In return, he found himself answering your own inquisitions easily without having to spare the devilish and more complicated details. It was so incredibly emancipating to not have to pretend with you. For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t having to play a character. He could just be…Matt.

You approached every question with genuine curiosity and a respectful distance of where his invisible boundaries might be, and it made his heart soar that you were trying so hard to carefully craft his comfort. Matt had known that he was enthralled with you the first time he met you, but by the time dessert came, he was absolutely smitten.

He didn’t want to get too ahead of himself, but he also didn’t want the night to end.

“Can I walk you home?”

“Hm, I don’t know. You sure it isn’t too out of your way?”

Even if Matt couldn’t feel the way your lips parted into a huge smile, he could hear it in the cadence of your voice. The subtle joke made him chuckle as he nodded his chin in your direction, his own mouth pulling into a charming smirk. 

“I’d still offer even if you lived in Long Island.”

The sudden spill of heat across the tops of your cheeks and the quiet sharp intake of your breath had his heart pounding faster in his chest.

“I suddenly wish I did.”

Even though your tone was playful, he could detect the implications behind your words. You didn’t want this night to end either, and that had him soaring up to cloud nine. Feeling emboldened by your indirect confession, Matt reached his hand out slowly to brush his fingertips against the palm of your hand, easily threading his fingers through your own, reveling in the softness of your skin that he had missed. He felt a spark every time your pulse resonated against his own, and his cheeks nearly hurt from how much he was smiling.

“I prefer you living a floor below me.”

By the time the two of you reached your front door, Matt couldn’t tell if it was the electricity from the building buzzing in his ears or the anticipation that kept building the entire walk, growing larger and larger like a snowball ready to plow into his chest to cause an avalanche when you turned your body to face him. As your thumb lightly brushed against the back of his scarred knuckles, a question that had been bouncing around in his head all evening could no longer go unanswered.

“So, as far as first dates go, what’s the verdict? Did I move up at all?”

Matt splayed his most charming smile across his plump lips, and while the flirtation in his voice was evident, so was the unmistakable undertone of uncertainty. The blood rushing through his veins was roaring in his ears like tides crashing against the shore during a storm. 

“I’d say you made it to the top two.”

Matt cocked his head to the side slightly, seemingly surprised by your answer, his brows raising above the browline of his glasses slightly.

“Second place?”

“Unless you’ve got a last minute testimony for me to rule in your favor, Counselor.”

Your voice remained soft and teasing, but your heart was fluttering violently in your chest, like the hummingbird was trying to escape its cage. Matt carefully let go of your hand, reaching up to pull his glasses away from his face, baring himself completely before you as he slipped the crimson lenses into his pocket. The slight gasp from seeing his eyes for the first time that caught in your throat caused a bashful smile to appear on his lips. 

His tongue darted out to wet them quickly, catching a taste of the tiramisu you shared still lingering on your tongue. He wanted to devour it from your lips. Taking a bold step forward, he did his best to fix his gaze where he thought yours was, leaning in slightly until your noses were merely an inch apart, the warmth of his breath fanning over your lips.

“May I?”

His voice seemed to have dropped an octave lower, coming out in an intimate whisper that you answered all too eagerly.

“Yes.”

Matt couldn’t hold back any longer. He quickly closed the sliver of distance between you, pressing his lips to yours with a satisfied groan, feeling a surge of pride at the way your breath caught in your throat. For a good thirty seconds, you actually stopped breathing. When he reluctantly broke the kiss, he brushed his lips against yours and whispered into them softly.

“Breathe.”

The second the command slipped off his tongue, you exhaled heavily before sucking in a sharp drag of oxygen, and Matt couldn’t stop the smug grin that overtook his entire mouth.

“Well, sweetheart? What’s the verdict now?”

“Yeah…yeah, yeah definitely in the number one spot.”

Matt beamed at the breathlessness of your voice, his arm snaking around your waist to pull you in closer to his chest as he purred into your ear.

“Lucky me.”

tags: @yarrystyleeza @little-miss-dilf-lover @desert-fern @neverlandcity @charmedkim @queenofthenoobs @stilldreaming666 @mattymurdock1021 @bubuslutty @messymissy @dark-academia-slut @strawberry1042 @danzer8705

[mclennonlgbt]

Paris in John and Paul’s life

30th September 1961:

“John and I went on a trip for his twenty-first birthday. John was from a very middle-class family, which really impressed me because everyone else was from working-class families. To us John was upper class. His relatives were teachers, dentists, even someone up in Edinburgh in the BBC. It’s ironic, he was always very ‘fuck you!’ and he wrote the song ‘Working Class Hero’ – in fact, he wasn’t at all working class. Anyway, one of John’s relatives gave him £100 for his birthday. A hundred smackers in your hand! That was a real windfall. None of us could believe it. To this day if you gave me £100 I would be impressed. And I was his mate, enough said? ‘Let’s go on holiday.’ – ‘You mean me too? With the hundred quid? Great! I’m part of this windfall.’” - Paul McCartney, Anthology

“We planned to hitchhike to Spain. I had done a spot of hitchhiking with George and we knew you had to have a gimmick; we had been turned down so often and we’d seen that guys that had a gimmick (like a Union Jack round them) had always got the lifts. So I said to John, ‘Let’s get a couple of bowler hats.’ It was showbiz creeping in. We still had our leather jackets and drainpipes – we were too proud of them not to wear them, in case we met a girl; and if we did meet a girl, off would come the bowlers. But for lifts we would put the bowlers on. Two guys in bowler hats – a lorry would stop! Sense of Humour. This, and the train, is how we got to Paris." - Paul McCartney, Anthology

“And Paul and I also did the same thing, once. We just cancelled. We’d made it, in Liverpool. We were making good money, for those days. I can’t remember what it was – maybe a couple of hundred dollars a week – but enough that you’d have a little extra. You’d have it in your back pocket. And Paul and I just— A relative of mine gave me a hundred pounds, for my birthday, which I’d never seen that much money in me life. Paul and I just canceled all the engagements, and left for Paris… And George was furious, because he needed the money – to work, you know. But that was another time when the group was in debate as whether it would exist or not.”  - John Lennon, 1976, an interview with Elliot Mintz

“Last night I heard that John and Paul have gone to Paris to play together – in other words, the band has broken up! It sounds mad to me, I don’t believe it…” - Stuart Sutcliffe, Anthology

"They were brothers. They were the Nerk Twins, and now they were taking a break from the Beatles and going off to Spain. En route, they’d stop a day or two in Paris, to size up the Brigittes, check out the kind of clothes Jurgen Vollmer wore, and perhaps see Jurgen himself, if he was around. [Johnny] Gustafson happened to bump into them the day they left, Saturday 30 September. “They both had bowler hats on, with the usual leather jackets and jeans. They said they were off to Paris, so I walked down to Lime Street station with them and watched them go. They were an incredible pair: always great fun, irreverent, and so close.” - Mark Lewisohn, All These Years: Volume One

“We’d never been there before. We were a bit tired so we checked into a little hotel for the night, intending to go off hitchhiking the next morning. Of course, it was too nice a bed after having hitched so we said, ‘We’ll stay a little longer,’ then we thought, ‘God, Spain is a long way, and we’d have to work to get down there.’ We ended up staying the week in Paris – John was funding it all with his hundred quid.

We would walk miles from our hotel; you do in Paris. We’d go to a place near the Avenue des Anglais and we’d sit in the bars, looking good. I still have some classic photos from there. Linda loves one where I am sitting in a gendarme’s mac as a cape and John has got his glasses on askew and his trousers down revealing a bit of Y-front. The photographs are so beautiful, we’re really hamming it up. We’re looking at the camera like, ‘Hey, we are artsy guys, in a café: this is us in Paris,’ and we felt like that.

We went up to Montmartre because of all the artists, and the Folies Bergères, and we saw guys walking around in short leather jackets and very wide pantaloons. Talk about fashion! This was going to kill them when we got back. This was totally happening. They were tight to the knee and then they flared out; they must have been about fifty inches around the bottom and our drainpipe trousers were something like fifteen or sixteen inches. We saw these trousers and said, ‘Excusez-moi, Monsieur, où did you get them?’ It was a cheap little rack down the street so we bought a pair each, went back to the hotel, put them on, went out on the street – and we couldn’t handle it: ‘Do your feet feel like they are flapping? Feel more comfortable in me drainies, don’t you?’ So it was back to the hotel at a run, needle and cotton out and we took them in to a nice sixteen with which we were quite happy. And then we met Jürgen Vollmer on the street. He was still taking pictures." - Paul McCartney, Anthology

“Jürgen had a flattened-down hairstyle with a fringe in the front, which we rather took to. We went over to his place and there and then he cut – hacked would be a better word – our hair into the same style.” - John Lennon, 1963

Interviewer: I heard you took a trip to Spain before once, didn’t you? On Holiday? Paul: I didn’t go to Spain, no. I tried once to make Spain but… and John and I were gonna hitchhike. We hitchhiked down from Liverpool… We didn’t hitchhike. No, we got the train down from Liverpool ‘cause we thought we won’t hitchhike down the first bit. And we got the boat over to Paris. Then we got the train into Paris ‘cause we thought: “Well, it’ll be too hard to get a hitch here”. And we just stayed in Paris all week. And eventually… I mean, all the time trying to get out of Paris and make Spain! We never made it, we just flew home at the end. What a lazy hitchhiking Holiday!

“The thing was all the kissing and holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic just to be there and see them even though I was 21 and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing. And they weren’t not mauling at each other, they were just kissing.” - John Lennon

"John’s 21st birthday was a month away, and he knew he was getting money — 100 pounds cash, more than he or Paul had ever seen in their lives. (…) Bob Wooler was party to their planning, and fought with them:

They were bored, and decided they would go away for a month. I thought this was disastrous because they would be away from the scene too long and lose their fans, Fans were very capricious: they moved from one group to another. And anyway, what about the other two members, George Harrison and Pete Best?. What about them, what do they do? We argued a lot about this — we argued in the back room of the grapes pub to a large extent —- and they said ‘Well, we’ll go away for a fortnight only’

(…) Equally, the promoters who paid the Beatles over-the-odds to present them every week had to “lump it�� (….). To a man, and woman, they were incensed by it - but John and Paul hadn’t a care. They didn’t mean to be rude about it but basically it was tough shit.

it was tough too on Dot and Cyn, Dot simply had to accept the situation, but Cyn had a greater case of grievance. John was heading off without her when he could so easily gave waited for the art school holidays. (…).

That John was taking Paul, no one else, accentuates the renewed closeness since Stu quit The Beatles. They were the Beatles force, an unstoppable and authentically powerful pair. “Lennon had the attitude”, Wooler said, “and taking his lead from Lennon, McCartney could be similar. At times they reminded me of those well-to-do Chicago lads Leopold and Loeb, who killed someone because they felt superior to him. Lennon and McCartney were superior human beings”

"You’d always see them together, in the pub or walking along the street", says Johnny Gustafson of the Big Tree. "They were a duo, and seemed each other’s equal". Bernie Boyle, the young lad hanging around with them at every opportunity, says, "They were like brothers, with John as the elder and Paul’s mentor. They were so tight it was like there was a telepathy between them: on stage, they’d look at each other and know instinctively what the other was thinking"

They were brothers. They were the Nerk Twins, and now they were taking a break from The Beatles and gofin off to Spain. 

Gustafson happened to bump into them the day they left, Saturday, September 30. “They both had bowler hats on, with the usual leather jackets and jeans. They said they were off to Paris, so I walked down to Lime Street station and watched them go. They were an incredible pair: always great fun, irreverent and so close. - Mark Lewisohn, Tune In: The Beatles: All These Years (2013)

As was written in this post: That last picture is one Paul took of John sleeping in Paris. From what I remember of a performance he did of ‘Here Today’, and earlier comments, this picture hangs framed on a wall in Paul’s house.

Unconfirmed quote (may or may not be true): 

"He must have been fond of me to spend that money. He let me have all the banana milkshakes I wanted.”  - Paul McCartney

In January 1964, only a few scant weeks before the Beatles took America by storm, the band mates settled in for an extended stay in Paris. For the group, the Parisian visit proved to be a magical experience, with the Beatles playing 18 shows at the Olympia Theatre between Jan. 16 and Feb. 4 (source).

The Beatles were staying at the George V Hotel at the time. John and Paul composed "Can't Buy Me Love", "I Should Have Known Better" and "If I Fell" on the piano.

The photo Paul took of John (in the "Eyes Of The Storm" book):

1966: Paul, his girlfriend Maggie McGivern, John and Brian Epstein spend 5 days in Paris. "All of them flew into France separately — Lennon had been filming abroad and Epstein had been away on business. Maggie and Paul, she says, traveled apart ‘as part of keeping the relationship secret’. During the five-day trip the foursome stayed at the same Paris hotel where she and Paul shared a luxury suite. ‘It was a marvelous holiday,’ she says. ‘. . . just walking around the streets of Paris.‘My abiding memory is of me, John and Paul lying under the Eiffel Tower, gazing up at it. We couldn’t go up because we would have been recognised, and we were masters at the art of avoiding people." [x]

1969:

Hoping to get married in France, John Lennon and Yoko Ono flew to Paris on this day [16th March].

The couple had decided to marry on 14 March 1969, two days after the wedding of Paul McCartney to Linda Eastman; whether it was in response to this event on some level is open to conjecture.

On McCartney’s wedding day Lennon and Ono were travelling to Poole in Dorset, where he introduced her to his Aunt Mimi. During the journey he asked his chauffeur Les Anthony to go to Southampton to enquire about the possibility of the wedding being held at sea, on the cross-channel ferry to France.

(source)

“On March 12, Paul married Linda Eastman at Marylebone Register Office in London, amid scenes of hysterical grief from his female fans. None of the other Beatles was present. The news reached John as he and Yoko were driving down to visit Aunt Mimi in Poole. Yoko’s divorce decree had become final a few weeks earlier, and, in a resurgence of Beatle copycat, John told her they, too, must get married as soon as possible” - Philip Norman, John Lennon: The Life (2008)

"We chose Gibraltar because it is quiet, British and friendly. We tried everywhere else first. I set out to get married on the car ferry and we would have arrived in France married, but they wouldn’t do it. We were no more successful with cruise ships. We tried embassies, but three weeks’ residence in Germany or two weeks’ in France were required." - John Lennon

1974:

“After a late lunch, Linda launched into a long paean to the joys of living in England. When she was finished, she turned to John and said, “Don’t you miss England?”

“Frankly,” John replied, “I miss Paris.””

— May Pang, Loving John (1983)

1978:

Wings album "London Town" is released. It includes the song "Cafe on the Left Bank", the lyrics of which clearly refer to John and Paul's trip to Paris.

Late 1970s (maybe 1978?): John is singing to Paul about Paris in a home recording. Longer version

1970s: John writes "Skywriting by Word of Mouth", a book that would be released in 1986. One story is about sex he had with a woman in Paris. Here it is. As anon noticed here: "...the woman is called Amie L'Nitrate and Amyl Nitrate is a reference to poppers. He talks about grabbing her 'pomme de frites.' Her potatoes? He uses the term 'tread lightly on some loafers' which is an old euphenism for being gay. Amie says they should have sex to God Only Knows. Then John says their relationship ended in a seething rage but he still thinks of 'her.'" @sgtsaltsband concluded in the same post: "so he writes a story about PARIS ( where he and paul went on a trip for his 21st bday and never stopped talking about it ) , in the HOTEL where the Beatles stayed later on [Hotel V in 1964] , names the girl after POPPERS ( a drug commonly used by gay men during sex ) , the girl wants to have sex to PAULS fave song and he uses this PHRASE." Also: this is an excerpt of the story:

"Boogie" is a slang word for sex or dance (also, "Born to Boogie" is a 1972 movie starring Marc Bolan, Elton John and Ringo Starr). "Band on the Run" is a Paul McCartney and Wings' album which John loved. "Sue you sue me" can be a reference to to the Beatles' legal and business disputes and the fact that Paul sued John, George and Ringo in December 1970, and to "Sue Me, Sue You Blues", a song by George.

(thank you @menlove for uploading the story and pointing out interesting words!)

1994 - Paul inducting John to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame:

“And then on your 21st birthday you got £100 off one of your rich relatives up in Edinburgh, so we decided we’d go to Spain. So we hitch-hiked out of Liverpool. And we got as far as Paris, and decided to stop there for a week. And eventually got our haircut, by a fellow named Jürgen, and that ended up being the ‘Beatle haircut’.”

I also remember watching an interview with Paul about his album "Memory Almost Full" (2007). Thank you for adding, @ringompreg!

(it's like 7 minutes in) Interviewer: There is a very beautiful song called "The End Of The End", the way you talk about your whole ending, and the lyric goes: "It's a start of a journey to a much better place." You mean, better than England? Paul: It's basically a start of a journey to France. Or Spain through France. Yeah, that's what it is. It's a much better place, Paris.

Also worth mentoning:

"All You Need Is Love" begins with La Marseillaise.

"Picasso's Last Words (Drink To Me)" contains French-language speech by BBC broadcaster Pierre Le Sève.

Bonus

[tarantulasnot]

Sudden ramble because I want to.

Hi! This is the snot that the original tarantula did not expect to sneeze out and it became way more drawn out than I thought it would!!

Content Contains: Yearning, rushed slow burn, Leon is an alcoholic, masturbation, Leon thinks about how much the reader cares and pops a wad, but it means something chat, will have a part two.

Imagine like an old vendetta Leon that lives in a small apartment. Something cheap. After all, it's not like he's going to have any time to actually take care of it. Just dump some of the useless amount of money he has into it every month and crash every once in a while. It's simple, and it keeps his alcohol in a safe place.

But then there was you. The sweet girl next door, barely aware of the horrors of the world. So naive, so God damn innocent with your bright eyes and big dreams. He never expected to see a little ray of sunshine living so close to him. So, it took him by surprised when you greeted him old-fashioned. An apple pie you baked on your downtime to relieve stress from your college life.

Your voice was so sweet. So open-hearted he almost wanted to vomit. "Hi! I'm your next door neighbor (Y/N), and I figured I'd bring you a welcome gift." Your hands gesture the fresh pie towards him, and his nose scrunches up at the sight. What was this? Some kind of cheesy rom-com? What was your angle? Why were you buttering him up like this?

"Thanks." His voice was gruff and low, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation, so you were quick to let it go. "Oh yeah, of course. I live right across from you, so feel free to stop by anytime. I make enough pastries to make a dentist rich." Ah, what a jokester you were.

Still, his blue eyes never left your face. You were such a pretty little thing. So unreal, so contrasting to him. It almost felt impossible. To have such... normalcy in his life.

"Yeah, okay." He took the pie from your hands, and he gave a short wave good-bye before he closed the door. First day here, and he was already feeling like his simple apartment was going to be a hassle. He had to avoid you.

But later that night, he stares down at the pie in front of him. Still in its tin, glaring at him as he sits down across from it. It's clear you put in great effort, and he fiddles with his fork. He can't let it go to waste, and it's not like it was bad. But a part of him felt so wrong. He didn't deserve this. This sweet pastry as opposed to gas station snacks and whatever rations the government decided to supply him with while he was on missions. If those ran out? The fish he'd pick up or the animals he'd shoot down.

The creatures he'd shoot down before leaving them to rot. Not quite that deprived yet.

He took a swig of his flask, relishing in the burn down his throat... and then he dipped his fork into the pie.

Leon had a mission today. Quite literally. Some stupid bio-terrorism somewhere he didn't really pay attention to but would be debriefed on again when he got there. He spent his morning equipping himself with his knife, his gun, some ammo, and whatever other necessities would be most likely to ensure his survival.

He doesn't own any mirrors. He doesn't care to if he's going to come home fucked up anyway. Leon exits the front door, locking it behind him and he heads towards the stairs.

And he sees you again.

Your appearance is so vastly different from his. Your hair has been styled in a way that fits you perfectly, your makeup flawless, and a fresh clean outfit adorns your body to match the messenger bag strewn over one shoulder. Then you smile at him

Did you always smile like that? This frequently?

"Hey again! Did you like the pie last night?" That voice brings him out of his fleeting thoughts, and he nods as you slow your descend down the stone steps. His pace ambling down to match yours.

"Yeah, I did." If Leon had the mind to, he would have given a more sociable, reciprocal reply. However, that's not him anymore. He doesn't care to find the him that would anyway.

"Well that's good. I'm glad." You reply, now walking side by side with him. His icy blue eyes graze over you, the warmth that seems to just radiate off of you.

Eventually, you both reached the bottom, and he finds his bike was parked next to your car. It fits you, and it fits him. Your car, with interior decorations and even a padded steering wheel cover for extra comfort. His bike, which is so easy to flip and likely to be hit. So easy to be in the wrong place at the right time.

"I didn't catch your name yesterday." Good. You didn't need to know it. In the same hand, why was it such a problem? It was just a name.

"Leon. My name's Leon." He replies simply, throwing his leg over his bike as you unlock your car.

"It was nice talking to you again, Leon." You reply with a goodbye wave, and a smile.

Something in his chest leaps. There was something about the way you said his name. It wasn't beckoning him to follow along some plan he wasn't aware of, and it wasn't ordering him to do something. Its just...

Fuck.

Leon rarely ever gets back from missions during the day. However, a week later he does. In a way, it's like a little reprieve. Enough time to patch himself up and relax (to the best he can with the help of alcohol) before he goes to sleep.

So today, as he sits on his couch staring mindlessly at some movie playing on the cheap cable the complex provides, his thoughts wandered. Blurred and aimless as the alcohol continues to pump into his bloodstream. However, he thinks back to the pie that night.

It was the best, and the first one he's had since he was a boy. Did he like it, you asked him. God, he loved it. After the first bite, he was like a man starved man. His mind practically left him as he took bite after bite after bite until there was nothing but tin and crumbs in front of him.

If he wanted to be existential, he felt in some way like he was eating a part of you. It was authentic. Peeled honeycrisp apples not totally softened from the heat, the crust so obviously hand kneaded by the uneven and plushness of it. Plush, like you. Like your cheeks when you smiled. They seemed so soft.

Calloused fingertips came up to his own face, grazing over the stubble and wrinkles there. He clenched his jaw, slamming his hand down and throwing back his flask once again.

Then, his thoughts returned to other things.

To Leon's surprise, there was no call at three in the morning demanding his help with some bio-terrorism or some cooky scientist. Instead, after he'd woken up and began to spike his own coffee, there was a knock at his door.

Well, the good Lord gives, and the good Lord takes away.

Maybe if he didn't see things that God could not have possibly allowed, he might have actually sought the deity out.

Footsteps trudge to his front door, swinging it open and looking down at his visitor. It's you. Of course it's you.

His hands flex on the edge of the door, and his eyes look down at you. "Hi, (Y/N)." He greets you, and once again you give him another smile. God fucking dammit, are you even capable of feeling anything other than optimism?

"Morning Leon! Well, I know you didn't ask, but college has yet again led me into insane amounts of baking. I know you liked the pie last time, so I was wondering if you'd like some breakfast? I have a surplus over here..." You let out a soft laugh at the end of your sentence, tucking hair behind your ear. God your face, the one he'd been thinking about last night.

Mulling over the thought, he agreed. "I don't see why not."

It truly wasn't a long visit. You weren't lying about that, or the surplus you'd whipped up. He wondered how much you spent on ingredients for these little concoctions you made. Maybe he'd give you some money. He had enough of it laying around. Practically useless.

He sat at his table. Staring at the treats you'd covered in saran wrap. It wasn't just pastries either. There was shepherd's pie in a Tupperware dish, chicken pot pie, and he wondered what you did with all this food. Maybe you handed it out to all the neighbors you knew.

Oh. He didn't like that.

He'd already finished his spiked coffee, and was now sipping on straight vodka as he glared down at the sweets. He knew what people were like. He betted they all wanted a piece of you. God, why wouldn't they?

You were sweet, kind, gentle, and you had that fucking smile... looked at him like he was special. Something to care about. Were you pitying him? No, you wouldn't do that.

You were just a good person.

You were gorgeous, too. Such a lethal combination, and you didn't even know it. He wondered if you had a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend.

He took another swig, his brows furrowing as he tried to think about something else. But alas, he couldn't.

Who wouldn't want to snatch you up? Come over every now and then to look at your smile and your pretty face, and eat the stuff you baked so impulsively.

Who wouldn't want you?

You were young, you'd probably want to do something with a lover. What kind of lover were you? Were you shy and timid? Blushing and moaning softly as someone fucked you?

If he fucked you?

You'd want to settle down probably... you seemed the type. He couldn't settle down, though. Not with all these grueling missions he's forced to do.

But wouldn't it be nice to come home to someone like you? A pretty smile waiting to greet him with food in the oven and a house that wasn't dusty. Full of the life he was missing from himself?

His breathing unconsciously became more labored the more he thought about it. You'd have a limited amount of time with him. He'd make the best of it. Eating the food you made and thanking you. Helping you clean and relaxing with you. Something to keep him company besides the steel flask he brings to his lips again.

He'd fuck you.

His hands would dwarf your thighs as he lifts your hips up and down on his cock while his own hips snap up into you, your warmth. His hand leaves his flask to his forehead as his other hand drifts down his abdomen, skin twitching under his own touch. His brows furrowing as a low groan escapes him.

Would you beg him to slow down? Cry about how full you felt with his cock pressing against every soft contour your cunt had to offer him. Only for him. You'd look up at him with half lidded, fluttering eyes and swollen, parted lips as he fucked you like he needed to.

His head was already muddled from the alcohol, but the lust only made his head swim further and further into untouched depths until he's palming himself through sweapants, his hips shifting and twitching in excitement. A groan tears from his throat. Would you press your palm against him like this? Feel him up with curiosity, unaware of how fucking good it felt?

Would you put him past your lips? Sweet words interrupted by his cock, soft cheeks red and stained with tears as he fucks your throat.

His hand dipped below to his waistband to his throbbing cock. His tip already leaking with anticipation as he spreads the essence over his length.

You were nice, but maybe you weren't as naive as he's making you out to be. Maybe you'd have him laid out on his back, situated between his legs as you stroke him, making him groan and grip the bedsheets because your hands would be so fucking soft. So experienced, gliding over his cock as he's helpless to it. Watching you as you work his old cock with enthusiasm only young girls like you had.

His hand pumps faster, and he's borderline whimpering at the thought. Maybe you'd take care of him. Pin him down with your hands on his chest while your hips slammed down on top of his like your life depended on it. His hips would twitch uselessly, too focused on your cunt sucking him in and the gloss decorating his cock as you used him to make yourself cum. It's the least he can do, after all these pastries you've made him.

Only him.

You'd treat him so fucking good.

"F-Fuck!" Leon can't help himself when a strangled groan escapes his lips, cock shooting white hot ropes into his hand and onto the floor as he cums, thighs twitching and chest heaving as he comes down from his high.

It takes a second for him to get over the aftershock before his eyes flicker open, and he states at the cooling food in front of him. With a sigh, he tucks himself into his pants, and grabs a brownie. His other hand picking up his flask again.

I will make a part two but it's getting late and I'm moving in two days so erm yeah eat your food. The next chapter will be from the reader's perspective muehehe

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

redemption : resignation letter. l Javi Gutierrez

❤️‍ broken hearts seek redemption ❤️‍

Summary:  when he came home and he wasn't alone

Warnings:  a little bit of angst, but mainly fluff, one small kiss

A/N:

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

first part is here >>resignation letter<<

a few ways to break a heart [masterlist]

broken hearts seek redemption [masterlist]

You weren't expecting any guests that day. It was a rainy, cloudy day. The small apartment you had been renting for a few weeks was your new haven, although you hadn't quite settled in yet.

When you heard the doorbell ring, you dragged yourself in that direction, a little surprised.

"Good morning!" a young guy grinned at you "I have something for you, ma'am."

"For me?" but before you could say anything more, the guy handed you a large bouquet of flowers. "I'm sorry, but this must be a mistake..."

The delivery guy pulled a note out of the bouquet and handed it to you. It was your name, you couldn't deny it. Before you could ask anything, the guy bowed and quickly ran down the stairs.

"Strange..." you mumbled to yourself, closing the door.

You didn't have a vase, so you filled a jug with water and put them in there. The bouquet was beautiful, and the sweet and fresh scent quickly began to spread around the room. 

There was nothing more on the note, that you were still holding in your hand, than your name. It was weird...

However, you didn't have time to think about it for long. Another bell made you jump. 

This time another man stood behind the door, a little older than the previous one, and the large bouquet of flowers in his hands looked impressive.

"Morning!" he greeted you "I have something for you, ma'am."

"That's a mistake!" you said quickly "I already got the bouquet. A moment ago, there was a young guy here and he..."

The man reached for the note attached to the delivery and showed it to you. Again, you saw your name written in nice handwriting.

"I think everything is correct. It's for you!"

More flowers were placed on your table, this time in one of the pots. You wondered if you should go to the store for some vases, but again you heard the bell.

And again you saw, already a different man, who insisted that the flowers he brought were for you. Within an hour you lost all the pots and two large mugs that served as vases.

Your apartment was starting to resemble a flower shop, and you counted almost fifteen bouquets. All of them were impressive and beautiful, all of them had your name on the tag.

You started to jump nervously at every sound of the doorbell, and you literally snatched the bouquet out of the last courier's hand saying "Yes, I know! For me!"

A loud "Fuck!" escaped your lips with another knock on the door. But you didn't expect that person to be there.

Javi Gutierrez. 

He stood right in front of you, with an elegant shirt slightly unbuttoned at the neck, his hair combed, and his devilishly beautiful eyes staring at you.

"Hi, hermosa." he greeted uncertainly.

"Javi..." you mumbled, folding your arms across your chest and leaning against the door frame. "I figured it was you..."

"Really?" he raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Since when?"

"About the fourth bouquet, but I was sure by the sixth." The shy smile of a child caught in mischief appeared on his lips. "What are you doing here? How did you even find me?"

"I have friends who are good at finding people, hermosa. Besides, it's Thursday." You raised your eyebrows. "Thursday Movie Night? Don't tell me you forgot. I already brought popcorn and wine, and your favorite ice cream and..."

Despite your heart beating like crazy at the sight of him, your mind wouldn't give up. You shifted from foot to foot and cleared your throat.

"Javi... I don't work for you anymore. You know that, right? I left you my resignation." you said. He grimaced as if you reminded him of a dentist appointment.

"I know, but... I canceled it!" he stated, and you widened your eyes at him.

"You can't do that! It was a formal letter."

"I know you didn't really want to do it. I know you, hermosa! And you know me better than anyone else. Let's just say you took an extended vacation." You rolled your eyes. "Will you let me in? I'd like to talk to you, but the hallway isn't the right place for that."

You wondered for a moment if you should do that, but Javi was staring at you so pleadingly that you finally moved over to make room for him.

"Just be careful. Someone decided to make a botanical garden in my apartment." You mumbled.

"Wow! I didn't expect that." he laughed quietly looking around the room.

"Me neither."

He handed you a box of ice cream and with a sigh you went to put it in the freezer. His footsteps indicated that he was walking around your apartment, it was a strange feeling to see him again. You told yourself that you had cured yourself of what you felt for him, but your heart clearly thought otherwise.

"Veronica knows you're here?" you called into the apartment and closed your eyes waiting for an answer.

The footsteps stopped.

"Hermosa..."

There was more to that description than the sweet nickname Javi gave you. Longing and guilt, all of that could be felt in his tone of voice.

You took a deep breath. You were already sure that he sent you those flowers and showed up at your door because he definitely wanted to invite you to the wedding, and Veronica would certainly be a beautiful bride.

"I have so much to explain to you..." he said as you walked out of the kitchen, your arms tightly wrapped around your chest, "I have to explain and apologize."

And then Javi started talking, the words pouring out of his mouth like a waterfall. He told you about Lucas, about Nicolas Cage, about some FBI or other agents, about the kidnapping, about the scenario and about the arrest that took place later... 

Your eyes widened more and more. You waited for the moment when he finally said "I was joking, hermosa!", but Javi was so involved in his story that it had to be true.

"And Veronica?" you asked when he finally let you speak.

"Lucas knew that you were very close to me, closer than anyone else, and that I cared about you, and...and..." he swallowed loudly. "I couldn't risk, hermosa... Veronica was supposed to help me. I wanted him to believe that you meant nothing to me."

"She was fucking convincing." you muttered under your breath.

"Right? She was the one who suggested that you go away for a while."

"Javi, I resigned from work. Was that part of your brilliant plan?"

"I don't think so..." he replied, a bit confused "Your letter was really depressing."

"It was formal. Professional."

"So emotionless! That wasn't you, hermosa!"

In a few long steps and small maneuvers between the bouquets standing on the ground, Javi stood in front of you. He seemed so unnatural in this apartment and with such nasty weather outside. Skin kissed by the sun, curly hair and sweet brown puppy eyes staring at you. He kept pulling at all your strings, you couldn't kid yourself that it was different...

"I left because I felt hurt." You said quietly, you wanted him to understand you, to feel what you felt "You were always close to me and I fell in love with you. And you... I knew I had no chance with Veronica. She was beautiful and a perfect match for you."

"She's a very nice girl." Javi shrugged "But she has one flaw." You raised your eyebrows waiting "She's not you. And you are... You are everything, hermosa! I wanted to protect you from Lucas, I didn't want to hurt you. You know I'll never..."

You knew that. Javi would never hurt you on purpose.

"This is all madness..." you mumbled, shaking your head in disbelief.

"Listen..." Javi stepped even closer, his large, warm hands smoothing your shoulders. "You know I never... You're really important to me. Not as an employee, although you do that brilliantly. But you're also my friend, my soulmate... I think that..."

"Stop here." Your hand on his chest stopped what he was about to say. "This is too much, Javi. I know you meant well, but... You hurt me."

"Then let me fix this, please. Come back with me, go back to your job and let me win your heart like you deserve..."

Your head was a mess, but your heart had already made up its mind. You saw the relief in Javi's gaze as you finally nodded. A huge smile appeared on his lips.

In an instant his arms wrapped around you in a tight hug, he kissed you on the cheek and picked you up spinning you around.

"Hermosa! You won't regret it."

"Javi! You're crushing me!"

"Sorry!" he put you down clearly embarrassed "I'm just so happy! I'll help you pack or I'll have someone else do it and you..."

"Thursday Movie Night." Your words tore him from his train of thought "Javi, we can't miss this, can we?"

He frowned, thinking about it. On the one hand, he wanted to take you home right away, but he didn't want to overwhelm you again. Finally, he nodded.

"Si, we wouldn't want to miss this."

You made some popcorn and you both sat down on the couch, Javi chose a movie for you. It was nice. Having him next to you again, feeling the warmth of his body, hearing his chuckles or funny comments. When you snuggled into his side, your eyelids getting really heavy, he kissed your forehead lightly.

You were already asleep when he could finally say what you were holding him back from saying.

"Te amo, hermosa... You're everything."

☆☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[baddywronglegs]

Please will you tell Tumblr the story of the spider head hat?

Oh yeah, this is how I got into TTRPGs.

While at uni, a friend correctly identified me as the kind of nerd who would enjoy TTRPGs so brought me along to a game at our uni's wargame and RPG society.

I think we were just before the 5e boom, so D&D itself wasn't big and the games running at the society were mostly Warhammer 40k and Call of Cthulhu.

So my first game was Call of Cthulhu.

The setting was I think frontier-era America; of the members of the party I remember, my friend who brought me into the game was an enormous Scottish dentist, someone I never saw outside of the game was a priest, I think native to the area we were as he was the only one with a clue what was going on around us, and me, a shipwright who wanted to make an ocean-going airship, I think? It's hard to remember that bit in detail because such trifles do not survive first encounter with Call of Cthulhu.

The first thing I remember was us camping for the night and our GM asking us to make Listen checks. I was the only one to pass and did so with huge success, everyone's happy, the new player's getting good rolls.

The GM looks worried for me.

She asks me to make a Sanity check. People stop smiling. I roll. It is bad.

The GM leads me out of the room to talk to me in private. We leave a hushed table.

"So in the night, before you fall asleep you hear a beautiful singing coming from the woods. Compelled by the music, you get out of your tent, and you follow the sound of the music into the trees."

"Ah. OK."

"Can I have your character sheet please?"

"OK..."

We re-enter the room. The GM has my character sheet in her hand. There are omens at play here. What there isn't at play here is me.

Come the morning everyone realises the new person's gone so set off tracking me into the forest.

Good news! They found me! I was even alive!

Bad news! The singing was giant purple spiders with humanlike intelligence and apparently a taste for insomniac shipwrights!

Our brick shithouse of a dentist leaps on the back of one of the spiders and begins wrestling it, hoping to be out of reach of its ability to attack him as long as he can stay on its back.

Player A: "I'm going to try shooting the spider"

Dentist: "Please don't, I'm on it, if you miss you'll hit me and I don't like being shot"

Player A: "That's OK, I didn't miss."

Dentist: "Well thank fuck for that."

Player B: "I'm going to shoot it too."

Dentist: "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Eventually, mercifully un-shot, the dentist managed to wrestle the head off the spider. He didn't actually kill it in doing so but it's fine, player C shot the head in his hands and it stopped snapping at him.

Silence fell. Calm reigned. The GM told me how much sanity I had lost. It was more than the rest of the party had ever lost combined. I learned not to listen so hard in future.

The dentist looked at the GM, a giant spider head still in his hands.

"Can I wear its head as a hat?"

The GM sighed. "Make me a San check"

Dice noises. "Fail!" He said that word with such glee.

"You lose one sanity, but you also turn the whole spider's exoskeleton into a suit of armour. It has the same stats as leather but also poisons anyone who touches it with their skin, and anyone you meet while wearing it has to make Sanity checks."

And that's why I love TTRPGs.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

hello love 💗

birthday prompt: ed is scared of their first time, because whenever he opened up to his exes/hook-ups, they always eventually hurt his feelings and he's terrified stede will, too.

modern au 💋

Lovely lovely prompt!!

--

Ed had never waited this long into a relationship before having sex before.

Honestly, it was nice, in a lot of ways. He and Stede got to know each other’s bodies slowly, learning each other without urgency. It wasn’t that they weren’t hungry for each other - they were - it was more that it was fun to have that time to take. 

Most of Ed’s relationships turned physical pretty quick. He liked knowing what it felt like to kiss Stede good morning before he knew what it was like to kiss him during sex. He liked that Stede was happy to brush his hair for him when he got out of the shower, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck but not asking for anything more. He liked that they got long, chaste cuddle sessions, and wandering hands could turn into a gentle, slow exploration of thighs and tummies and arms with no need for the haste of passion.

It was good! It was fun! It made his connection with Stede feel deep and earnest!

Ed was, also, stalling. Just a little bit.

Because, like, Stede was it for him. There was just no other way to put it. Ed knew, without a single doubt in his fucking mind, that if Stede left him tomorrow, he’d never get over it. He’d spend the rest of his life knowing that he’d met the love of his life, even if Stede decided he didn’t want to love him back.

And that was it. That was the rub. That was the pain in the fucking ass, right there.

Because sex was fun, yeah, but it was also vulnerable. And every single fucking time Ed had ever opened up to any of his boyfriends about what he wanted and his boundaries during sex - or, God fucking forbid, he dropped an I love you during the act…

They hadn’t just left him. They’d hurt him.

He’d learned not to tell guys what words to use when talking about his body, because they’d laugh and tell him that he didn’t get to make that choice. If he asked for it slow and sweet, he got laughed at. Even with hookups, guys seemed to take the fact that there was no emotional connection as free reign to do whatever they wanted, even and especially if it involved hurting Ed’s feelings.

There had been times he thought had gone well. He’d learned he couldn’t trust it. Even the ex he’d been most optimistic about, who had been sweet and listened to what Ed had asked…Ed had overheard him a couple weeks later with his friends, laughing about how Ed cried during sex.

It wasn’t fucking fair, and it sucked, and Ed couldn’t bear the thought of the same thing happening with Stede.

Non-sexual intimacy was amazing and new and excellent, sure, but he was terrified that the second he opened up, the second he got really vulnerable, the second they had sex…what if Stede hurt him?

Ed knew he was giving Stede an absolute monster of a mixed signal. They both wanted more. Stede had been amazing when Ed had asked to go slow, and he hadn’t pushed, but Ed wanted more, too, and he was getting to the point where he was being fucking weird about it. Like, the night before, he’d practically screamed in Stede’s face that he needed to call his dentist as an excuse to leave when his hand was literally down Stede’s pants.

There was a chance Ed might’ve just beat around the bush forever (literally, he’d never jerked off more often in his entire life), but Stede got to it first.

Ed had been about to tell he was worried, and that night, at the point where the kissing and heavy petting usually began, Stede had put his hand on his thigh, and he’d very softly asked Ed to tell him what he was doing wrong.

“Huh?” Ed recoiled. “No, babe, you haven’t -”

Stede frowned, like Ed was just being willfully obstinate. “Ed, every time we start taking things further, you seem really into it, and then you make up an excuse to leave. I just want to know what I’m doing wrong, because if you’re uncomfortable, then -”

“Stede.” Ed laid his hand over Stede’s, closing his eyes for courage. “You’ve been amazing.”

Stede swallowed visibly. “But?”

“But…” Ed took a deep breath. “I’m…kinda…sex hasn’t always been…great.”

Stede flipped his hand over to lace their fingers together properly. “You know we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

It was that, that right there, the understanding and respect for Ed’s boundaries where everyone else would’ve pushed, that gave Ed the courage to soldier on.

“I want to,” he said. “But there are things you need to know, okay?”

Stede nodded earnestly, looking for all the world like a pupil ready to take notes.

“I don’t like some words for my body,” Ed said, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see Stede’s face. He didn’t want to see the moment he got mad at him. “I just want you to call what I’ve got a cock and a hole, okay? Nothing else.”

“Okay,” Stede said, immediately, like it was just that easy.

Ed cracked an eye open. Stede’s expression was mild, alert but unoffended. Interesting.

“Okay,” Ed repeated. He hadn’t been sure he’d get this far, so he had to take a sec to gather his thoughts. “And, uh. I don’t want you to hit me, or choke me, or spit on me. At least not without asking first.”

Stede actually looked a bit angry, there, and Ed had a moment of panic before he realized the anger wasn’t meant for him. “Why would I do any of that without checking if you wanted it?”

So far, so fuckin’ good.

“Last thing,” Ed said. “Please don’t go around making fun of me. After.”

Stede’s mouth fell open, worked for a bit. “Oh, sweetheart,” he said, at last, “never. I’d never do that. There’s nothing you could do that would make that okay.”

They didn’t have sex that night - Ed was still a bit too raw, and Stede was a bit too in his head. But the next day, Ed came home to a house filled with roses, and Stede had carefully laid a trail of flower petals to their bed, and when he stepped in the door Stede was there to take his hand like a princess.

Stede kissed his knuckles. “Ready?”

It was still a bit scary, to be vulnerable like that, especially after how it had gone before. But…Ed just couldn’t believe anymore that Stede would do anything to hurt him.

Ed wrapped his arms around Stede’s neck. “Ready.”

[steddieas-shegoes]

This was a request from @lilonsnitch which is what started me opening up requests. This is the only request I’m posting for now because I had already done some of it, so this was just a quick thing. I HOPE YOU LOVE IT ❤️

Modern Migraine Steve / Part 2

Steve was having a no good, very bad day.

It started fine. Great, even.

He woke up in Eddie’s arms, he showered in Eddie’s arms, he even ate breakfast in Eddie’s arms.

When he left Eddie’s arms is when shit went downhill fast.

He had a dentist appointment he’d been putting off for months. Nothing major, just a cavity that needed filling.

The excessive drilling must have sent signals to his brain to render him useless, though. His head was pounding, and he knew within the next hour, he’d need to be in a dark room with no noise.

But he had work. And he missed a day last week because of a migraine.

It’s not that he was worried about money. Eddie seemed to have plenty, and no matter what Steve did, he rarely let him pay for anything.

But he liked his job. He liked his coworkers for the most part.

He liked having something to do.

But he knew there was no way he could work if this headache turned into a migraine, and statistically it would, though he was never good at statistics in high school.

So he drove back home, pissed off and in enough pain to want to cry already.

Eddie was sitting at the desk in the office when Steve walked in the back entrance to the bar, texting back and forth with someone furiously.

Steve wordlessly walked over to him, pushed him away from the desk, and sat down in his lap with his head on his shoulder.

Eddie’s arms wrapped around him and Steve felt himself relax.

His head wasn’t magically healed, but just having Eddie there was enough for him to hold the tension off for a bit longer.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?”

“Head.”

“Should go upstairs before it gets worse, love.”

“Wanna be with you.”

Eddie kissed the top of his head before he moved his arms away for a moment, probably to check his phone again, and bring them back to rest on the small of Steve’s back.

“Amber’s sick and Carly’s got class. I might have to work the bar tonight.”

He spoke softly against the top of Steve’s head, quieter than he normally would be to make sure it didn’t bother Steve’s head too much.

Steve couldn’t quite contain the whine he let out, but Eddie quickly kissed the top of his head again and ran his fingers up and down his spine slowly to keep him relaxed.

“I’m trying to get Darren to come in, but he has his daughters this weekend.” Eddie sighed. “Let me bring you upstairs and get you settled, okay?”

Eddie had already worked four nights this week from Amber being sick and it being busier than usual. It was starting to wear on him a bit as he was usually working for most of the day in the office and receiving deliveries. Steve could tell he was stressed.

He didn’t want to add to that stress.

He pulled away, wincing at the pain shooting up his neck at the sudden movement.

“I’m okay. You work,” Steve said, standing up slowly to avoid any more shooting pains.

Eddie stood too, pulling Steve against him before he could stumble away.

“Hey. You’re not a burden, so stop thinking you are,” Eddie muttered against his temple, ending his sentence with a kiss.

It was fucking weird how he always did that. Steve was sort of worried he could read his mind, but honestly, there wasn’t much he didn’t tell him anyways.

Pretty much since the first day, the day he’d handed him water with lemon slices on the side because he could tell he had a headache, Eddie just knew him. Inside and out.

“Can take care of myself.”

“I know you can, sweetheart. But I’m here.”

Like that was simple. Like Steve was used to it.

Even six months into their relationship he wasn’t.

Some mornings he woke up in bed alone and thought Eddie had finally come to his senses, completely forgetting that he was in Eddie’s bed, in Eddie’s apartment, in Eddie’s bar.

Some nights when Eddie had to work the bar, he was convinced he would come home and kick him out.

He had no reason for thinking these things; Eddie was incredible.

He was patient and caring and loving and kind. He was perfect.

But Steve had doubts, especially when he had migraines and Eddie had to take care of him.

Eddie started to lead him away from the desk and towards the stairs that led to the apartment.

Every step felt jarring, his head pounding along when his feet hit the steps.

When they made it into the apartment, Eddie picked him up and carried him to the bedroom, ignoring Steve’s protests.

He set him down on the bed gently, kissing his forehead and quickly leaving to follow the routine: water, ice pack, pills. Later: hot shower, head massage, sleep.

It was second nature to them both now, and Steve was grateful even if he was worried that he was too needy like this.

When Eddie had him tucked into bed, ice pack covering his head and water within reach, he leaned down to place a kiss to his lips.

“Love you. Text me if you need me,” Eddie whispered against his mouth.

“Mkay,” Steve said around a yawn.

He knew he’d wake up to soft kisses from Eddie, arms under his neck and legs to carry him to the bathroom for a hot shower. He knew Eddie would wash his hair, gently scratching his scalp to ease some of the pain. He knew Eddie would dry him off, dress him in his comfy clothes, and tuck him back into bed, curling around him to keep him safe.

He knew Eddie would do all of that because no one had ever loved Steve the way Eddie did.

(I did technically have a tag list for if this ‘verse ever got continued so here you go  @urallidjits @eddiemunsonswife)

[vclvetfleur]

Obedient Chapter 13

roman roy x fem!reader

Summary: You and Jess haven't spoken in a while. You finally decide to confront her on the plane to Dundee. While Roman is still in deep denial over his father's abuse.

TW: trauma talk, child neglect, degradation

Word Count: 5k

Notes: SOrry for taking so long. I have been not knowing where to lead this and I had to focus on French class lately.

Chapter 13: A Clockwork Orange

You heard Roman till he had finally fallen asleep. You both agreed that he couldn’t just let his father just sweep that under the rug. You even convinced Roman not to forgive. You knew it was a lot to ask, but you wanted him to heal. And bending and forgiving was not going to do anything for him or Logan. Except make Logan think Roman was just as weak as he thought he was. You woke up before him, making him an appointment to go see a dentist to fix his tooth as soon as possible. You were still in shock. You couldn’t help but stare at it as it was laid on the counter, dried blood on the end of it. You put a tissue over it, not wanting to be reminded of it. You felt sorry for Roman. You were in his place years ago. You were him when you didn’t realize that your parents would never change.

They weren’t going to. They never did. Not for you at least. You had gotten older, moving from home to home depending on if your parents wanted to deal with you or not. You had been sent to aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, and family friends. You had only come back after your parents had your sibling. And there it was. They changed. But not for you. Not towards you. But towards her. You had gotten updates, hearing about their new golden star child. How nothing has made them happier. You wished you could stand up to protect her, but you didn’t have to. She got the parents you wished for.

A part of you wished you got them, but you knew you weren’t worth changing for in their eyes. And Roman wasn’t worth changing for either.

You brushed your teeth, staring at your phone. You always wondered if an unknown number would maybe one day be them. But that was you just getting your hopes up for an unrealistic fantasy. You looked at Roman, sleeping. You were glad he finally got his moment of peace after what had happened last night. You came back to back, scrolling through your phone and making notes for Roman. Today was a day Roman wouldn’t be in the office anyway, so you just wanted him to relax. But still do things before having to go back to the office. You were sure Roman wasn’t gonna go to the office with a tooth missing. It would only create talk. He also didn’t need any media seeing him like that.

You felt Roman stirring himself awake, moving his head away from the light as it shined in. “Morning Rome…” You told him, running your fingers through his hair. You were busy texting Eduard, trying to set up some kind of meeting with Roman. It would possibly be the biggest fuck you to his father if he landed a major deal with another billionaire when Logan had just messed up the deal with Nan. Logan had exploded at the show that you both missed, where Rhea and Nan followed him and told him the deal was off. This was all relayed to you by Shiv. She had kept checking up on Roman the entire night and you just sent her updates when you could. Despite their rocky relationship and the fact they never really got along with one another. And the constant fighting and yelling and hitting. They deeply cared. Shiv and Roman were the most verbally aggressive with one another, but had so much in common when it came to their dad than they did with Kendall. Kendall was Logan’s pride. He basically removed Kendall from their mom and obsessed over his future. He was the only thing that mattered. He had sent Connor away and was now worrying about one kid. Then Roman came along, but Kendall was just something else. Then a certain incident made Roman act quieter, more reserved. Which in turn made Logan a lot more harder on him. He was seen as weak. Not as good as Kendall. Not that he really paid him much mind, but the fact that Roman was more emotional and was now suddenly quieter, it only made Logan resent him more. A child at the age of 7 was now weak and not fit to be CEO forever. But his other son, who even at the age of 3 was set for the CEO job. Then came Shiv. Logan was disappointed about having a girl. Carolina was a little excited but was too busy with her own issues to care enough. She completely abandoned her children when Shiv was born. Shiv never mattered. Only if she started to be prettier than Carolina. Then Carolina tried to compete and force and embarrass Shiv. Even only uplifting Roman to make Shiv feel worse. But once Shiv stopped looking for the attention of her mother, she played with Kendall’s games of using Roman for the attention of their dad.

Roman was the weird one. And Shiv was the girl.

The two outcasts of the family. Both not good enough for anything.

Not even their dad.

So, despite their distain for one another, at least they weren’t Kendall.

Kendall only checked in on Roman from Shiv. He did his best. He had to physically protect Roman. He was smaller. He wasn’t able to when they were younger. Kendall felt a duty to always physically be there for Roman. Trying to be there emotionally never worked because Roman was too scared to ever open up. His emotions got him in trouble. He never knew when the right time was to ever open up.

So as result of Connor’s absence as older brother, he had to pick up the role and protect Roman physically from Logan. He could only protect him so much. He started to protect him more once he had gotten tall enough. Logan was never scared of his kids though. He knew what power he had over them.

Either way, they all did their parts as siblings as best as they could with the father and mother they were given. They made a lot of mistakes on the way, but there was an effort.

“Morning…” Roman mumbled under the sheets, covering his mouth with the comforter. He didn’t want you to see him without his tooth there. It made him even more insecure than he already was. He knew that you already had, but something in his mind told him you’d run if you saw it. That he’d be too much or something like that. His mind was controlling his logic. “How are you feeling?” You asked, pulling yourself from the phone. You were ready to tell him the news of what you had just done but wanted to ease him into it.

“Fucking great. Uh- can we leave early?” He asked you. You nodded, going back on your phone to make the arrangements. You both were supposed to leave at 11, but you had gotten up early enough. Roman wasn’t ready for the questioning. Roman finally crawled out of bed, going to the bathroom. He had been there for a good 15 minutes, just staring at himself and his missing tooth. It made him feel so ashamed. He never was super secure with how he looked. He knew he wasn’t special, and no one was chasing after him. He was shocked you were decently into him. But the tooth made it so much worse. Another dent in his appearance. Roman hated himself even more. Not only because he hated how he looked, but the tooth was just a reminder of how Logan really felt about him. Roman was never ready to accept that Logan wasn’t a good parent. Logan was abusive. But to Roman, it was his fault. But you helped put it into perspective for him. He finally accepted some part of Logan was abusive and his love wasn’t actual love. His mom, despite being neglectful and instilling terrible ideals and being emotionally unavailable, she loved him. She checked in on him. She held him. She would be there if Roman deeply tried to. Logan was never there for anything. No matter how hard you tried to.

“Rome?” You called out. He barely heard you. You had already gotten dressed, keeping updates on the car that was arriving soon. You knocked before going into the room. You saw him just staring at himself and inspecting little things about his face and appearance. “Hey, the car’s almost here. You almost done?” You asked. He finally snapped out of it, looking at you. He had no idea why you were so willing to be with him when he looked the way he did. But he was so grateful for your standards being that low, in his head. He just put toothpaste on his toothbrush and started brushing his teeth, acting as though he wasn’t just inspecting himself in front of you. “Your appointment today is at 6, by the way.” You mentioned to him. “Wow, thanks, mum.” He joked. His words were slurred with toothpaste foaming his mouth and his brush stuck between the inside of his lips and teeth.

“I know you wanna fuck your mom, Roman, but don’t call me that.” You made a quick comment. You weren’t sure if he fit the Freudian theory, but it wasn’t unlikely.

“If Shiv told you that, tell her to stop acting like I haven’t seen her give Dad fuck me eyes too” Roman shot back. He was of course lying. You’ve seen how Shiv looked at Logan. It was exactly how you looked at your dad when you were in middle school. Just regret and shame for hating him, but such distain and anger for whatever happened.

“I’ll be sure to send her an email about it.” You rolled your eyes. You came up and jumped onto the counter. You looked at him, looking at the details as he was doing earlier. His eyes were so soft. They had bags under them that made them seem slightly sunken. But his personality and other expressions always reminded you he was actually awake. His eyebrows were mostly straightened, but so expressive. For a man who hated showing his emotions, he showed them so much with just his face. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” You asked him. There it was. His eyebrows furrowed, questioning you, but his eyes softened. He didn’t look at you like he was actually confused. Just pleasantly surprised. “I don’t think I have either.” He spits his toothpaste out before starting to brush his tongue. He wasn’t ready yet. He didn’t want to feel all the love you were willing to give. You leaned down and gave him a kiss on the forehead before dropping yourself off the counter. You went off to the bedroom and began to prep Roman’s things for him and your own stuff. Roman soon came in, wrapping his arms around you. He stood behind you, laying his head on your shoulder. He left a kiss on your jaw before giving another on your cheek and moving close to your ear. He whispered, “You’re gorgeous.” Before moving away from you.

You suppressed a smile, giving it a frown kind of look. You looked at him as he grabbed his clothes and finally started to dress himself. “You saw that in a movie, didn’t you?” You asked him. He looked up, his smile creeping up before nodding.

He buttoned his shirt. “Yeah- I think it was one of those shit movies you’ve shown me lately. Fuck wait- was it ‘Clockwork Orange’?” He asked you. You had shown him your favorite movies lately. Most of the time he talked through them and acted as if he thought they were dumb, but after enough scolding from you, he would quit it. He enjoyed most of them though. Except maybe one of them, but he thought it was too pretentious, trying to say something about something that had no real meaning.

“Oh yea- definitely. Wow, Alex. What a little charmer, huh?” You played along. It definitely wasn’t ‘A Clockwork Orange’.

You both left the room once Roman was settled in. You both had to be escorted through the media, questioning Roman about the scandal. Roman knew better not to make too light of a joke at the moment. Mostly to media.

“God what fucking vultures…” He whispered to you once the door was shut. “Doesn’t ATN do the same thing?” You asked him, calling out on his hypocrisy.

“Shut the fuck up… fucking snowflake…” He mumbled, laying his head back. He reached down, holding your hand in his. It was the most affection he could give you out in public. Plus, he needed it to calm his nerves down.

“I have news by the way… Eduard is willing to meet with you. Next week. He thinks after the scandal has gone through a week, the hype will die down and by the time the deal lands that it’ll mostly be over. So yeah, you're welcome.” You smirked. You were cocky, but after working your way into it, you had convinced him. No one was gonna touch ATN for a while. Not with this scandal around.

“Good job, you did your fucking job.” He teased. He was happy though. You saw it on his face.

You had just made sure Roman was safely home before going to your own home. You needed to decompress after yesterday too. You had just run a bath, done some skincare, and treated yourself to a meal. An actual meal. Not a snack.

You texted Roman to make sure he went to his appointment to just be sent a photo of him in the dentist's chair. You saved it to your phone. You were tempted to text Jess. You stared at her number for a while. You swallowed your fear of rejection and finally texted.

‘hey. are you ready to talk?’

You watched the delivered notification turn into Read 7:19 PM.

Then 3 text bubbles coming up. For them to disappear quickly. You didn’t get anything from her all night. Not even in the morning.

She did not speak to you for days.

Waystar seemed to be in a worse state than it ever had been.

Sandy and Stewy were trying to get shareholders and attacking the company. The scandal had gotten worse and now they were scrambling with investors.

Roman had even told you about how Logan even claimed to never hit Roman. It hurt, but it made Roman truly believe he might’ve been overreacting. It just led you both into a fight as you tried to knock some sense into him. But he was stubborn in his ways. Logan still could do no wrong in his eyes. And the more you discredited Logan, the more upset he got. He was just back to doing his dirty business for his father. He was now off to England with Kendall to convince his mom to actually vote for her ex-husband who she despised. You were invited to come, but your fight with Roman made you decline the offer. He just shoved it off as if he didn’t care about it at all. He just thought it would maybe be nice for you to meet his other parent. But you reminded him of your actual status.

You had gotten more news on Waystar as a story broke about Logan ‘bullying’ and ‘hitting’ a young man, someone between the ages of 18 and 23. Apparently, it had caused the boy to drive his car into a lake. You didn’t doubt it. Roman tried to call you about it and called it bullshit.

“I don’t know Rome, seems on brand for him.” You shrugged, sipping on your coffee. It had been 2 pm for him while Kendall and Logan were out doing damage control.

“Fucking- whatever… yea cause people are so sensitive nowadays. Dad didn’t even hit him. Fucking moron is going to drive off a lake over an insult? Really?” Roman ranted, but you had pulled your phone away from your ear, unable to listen to Roman speak ill about a dead child.

“Roman- fucking stop…” You warned but he didn’t. You just hung up.

He looked at Shiv, shocked and obviously upset about your choice to hang up. “What the fuck?” He asked. Shiv shrugged, not surprised. But she just kept her opinion to herself. You shuddered at the thought of what Roman was saying. It truly disgusted you. You knew it was just because he was so ignorant. He was sheltered to think whatever was going on was okay. Shiv just pushed Roman out of the house and decided to finally go to their mom. It would be better if they went rather than bring Kendall. Kendall was Caroline’s least favorite. Shiv was a close second last. Roman was the only one accepting whatever love she could possibly give.

You had been packing for England for your late-night flight. You had to be there for some stupid award show for Logan to celebrate some stupid achievement.  It was just a way to inflate his ego. And for his peers to celebrate him. You thought it was obnoxious.

You were finally finished, getting your bags and putting your belongings into the back of a black car that waited for you. You were being driven before stopping to pick up other people. Including Jess. You watched her get into the car. Your eyes met, but she diverted her eyes away from you. You just wished she’d talk to you. You weren’t sure if your relationship with Roman was worth this. This was too hard.

“Hey…” you tried to talk to her, but she had ignored you for her phone. You bit your lip, looking away. Once you did, Jess’ eye looked up at you with pity. She wanted to talk to you too, but she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to talk about your emotions for Roman. Or why you lied? Or why didn’t listen to her? There were so many questions. But she wasn’t emotionally ready for it. She wasn’t ready to apologize for all the awful things she said either, bringing your family and past up as a way to hurt you.

But it happened.

It stuck with you more often than usual. The fact your parents were emotionally unavailable or physically abusive. How much they’d pick out the flaws you had. All the names. And the blaming for what was done to you.

You were reminded of it constantly since you had to spend more time with the Roys.

You had gotten on the flight, watching Jess as she had just walked past you without giving a second glance over to you.

You had enough. You sat across from her. “Jess… Fucking talk to me… Please… Just FUCKING KNOCK IT OFF!” You exploded. People looked at you, but you gave them a look to make them stop. They quickly looked away.

“What do you want me to say y/n?” She asked you. You sighed, running your fingers through your hair. “Well? I don’t know what to say to you y/n… And I don’t think this is the conversation to have with people around. I know this is your little secret.” She shrugged it off.

You let out a large breath, shaking your head no. “I’m fucking sorry. I didn’t- it’s just- I fucked up. And I regret my choices. If I knew they’d end this badly, I would’ve not gone through with it.” You let out a shaky breath.

“But you knew y/n. I told you. You just ignored it. You did what you did. And I said what I said.” She tried to avoid the conversation.

“I’ll break up with him… As soon as we land, it’ll be over.” You tried to rationalize. Jess thought that was what she wanted. But she wasn’t sure if it was. She didn’t like the fact you were both hooking up or doing whatever, but she knew it wasn’t truly her business. She shook her head, just grabbing her phone. “It’s just- it won't fix anything.” She wasn’t sure if it would ruin your happiness.

Realistically your happiness with Roman shifted depending on if Roman would express his awful opinions. Which he had a lot of.

“I just wanna fix this Jess…” You pouted.

“If you wanna fix this… just give it time… I’m just not there yet. Uh- maybe we could talk about it more another time.” She tried to compromise with you. She missed you too. But this wasn’t going to be productive. You nodded, getting up, and swung your hand on a bottle as it flew against the wall. “real fucking mature.” Jess called out. You walked away defeated and annoyed. You spent the rest of the flight away from Jess.

You had landed in the morning, getting your stuff quickly. The family had already been there, so you were immediately sent to go to where they were staying.

You texted Roman letting him know you had arrived safely. He had sent you multiple messages, trying to admit what he said was disgusting and unfair. He didn’t directly say it, but he admitted to it being not the best thing he could say.

You were driven to the event, ready to confront Roman. But once you had walked in his face lightened up once you walked in. He had grabbed you a glass of whatever was being served and came over to you. “Hey, here get drunk, Shiv is plotting something.” He whispered. You smiled, taking the glass from him. Despite Roman sometimes being awful, he could be very sweet. And he was now more willing to see his mistakes.

“Ooo. Can’t wait.” You smirked, sipping your drink. Rhea began her speech, going on and on about whatever bullshit Shiv fed her.

Rhea began her speech and had brought up ‘Rose’. Roman looked amused at Shiv’s game. While Rhea had lifted her glass up with a huge smile on her face as if Logan was going to be sooo happy to hear about Rose. You didn’t even know who Rose was. You leaned in and asked Roman “who’s Rose?” You asked.

“Dad’s dead sister.” He whispered. Logan had put his drink down and sulked in his seat. It set a mood for everyone to stay quiet.

Roman walked past Rhea “Wow. Well done. Look at you, fitting right in.” He teased before making a disgusting pedophilic joke. He seemed to be interrogating her. You didn’t know their issue with her all of a sudden, but you decided to stay out of it. You sat with Shiv, watching them whispering to each other.

“What a fucking snake…” Shiv whispered to you. You laughed, watching as Rhea tried to work her deal with Roman.  But Shiv and him were in a very healthy place where they decided to work against someone again. They always worked better when they plotted against another person together.

“What’d she do?” You asked.

“She’s trying to suck the CEO position out of Dad’s dick and balls.” She stared at Rhea, trying to intimidate her.

Rhea couldn’t find an in with Roman and joined the table. Roman sat with you and Shiv and Roman then began to interrogate with Tom being their hype man.

The tension felt incredibly thing. But Connor decided to ease the mood but decided to insult Rhea nonetheless.

“This is a fucking slaughter…” You whispered to Roman. “I wanna join.” You snickered at the idea.

“Uh- we should start. The event is going to start soon.” Rhea tried to get out of the next dig that was going to be thrown her way. You had been brought to Logan’s old home. You just watched the kids insult the looks as if it was cheap and disgusting. But it was something that looked huge to you. You would never understand their perception of money. Roman thought a coffee cost $40. A black coffee. It wasn’t cheap, sure $4-$8 depending on where you went. But nowhere near $40. You all just waited for Logan to arrive, but Logan could barely look at it. The photographers waited to take a photo, but Logan told the driver to speed off.

“Wow, how fucking fun. God, you know this reminds me exactly when I chased that twink singer in some dumb fucking band for him to just drive off in his car. Should we chase after him?” You joked. You all just seemed a bit annoyed about your time being completely wasted. But that was expected of Logan. You crawled in the car, Roman following you right after. “I didn’t even know Logan was Scottish. I thought he was just some rich fuck with generational money. You know like some hush hush tycoon stuff.” You admit.

“Yeah- Dad doesn’t talk about that kind of stuff- he rather talk about how much he hated Connor’s mom than talk about his own.” Roman laughed. Thankfully, Connor wasn’t around to hear the comment towards him. You had just stood outside. You didn’t want to watch Logan gloat about some stupid University he was buying out. You found the perfect excuse to stay behind.  You grabbed your pack of cigarettes out, lighting the end. You sucked on the end, waiting for the rest of them to come out. You saw an older man come by with a hat and trench coat and sat and watched. You just watched him. He looked disappointed. Annoyed. Angry. You saw Greg leave the building to greet him. “Oh hey- y/n.” Greg waved at you. You thought Greg might’ve had a little crush on you. He had asked you to ‘come to hang out’ with him so many times. He even tried to impress you multiple times with his big-boy job. It was amusing in all honesty. It was cute. But he just wasn’t your type. You liked pretentiousness and arrogance apparently. “Uh- Ewan… Give me a second.” He scrambled before walking to you. “I didn’t know you smoked. Uh- can I- can I get one?” He tried to find something in common with you. Your eyebrows raised, questioning him.

“Yeah- I don’t think the building allows me to smoke. I didn’t know you smoked either.” You said before pulling the pack out again. You pulled a cigarette out for him and your lighter. You were going to see if he actually knew what to do. It would tell you everything.

“Oh yeah- all the time. I actually can’t breathe half the time 'cause I love these things so much. Yea- I buy like a pack a day 'cause I finish them up so quickly” He tried to lie about his association with smoking. He held the cigarette in between his fingers and tried to light it like a joint. It told you everything.

“Greg, you’re supposed to light it in your mouth.” You informed him. He looked up, knowing he had just exposed himself. “Look- like this.” You showed him, putting the cigarette In his mouth and lighting it for him. “Now breathe it in.” You instructed. Greg misunderstood how much or how hard and began to cough viciously. He dropped the cigarette and curled up as he coughed loudly. You just sat and watched, giggling to yourself as you smoked your cigarette.

Ewan was amused as well. He just quietly laughed as he watched his idiot grandson embarrass himself. The group had left the building, Logan surprised to see the man to be there. Roman pat Greg on the back, looking at you confused about why he practically coughing up a lung. “All right, all right. Dramatic. Don’t cough on me. Yeah, that’s right just turn that way.” He said as he turned Greg around and lightly pushed him away. He didn’t like Greg. He thought Greg was a freeloader. Which he kind of was. Roman just viewed him as someone who was riding on the fact, he was somewhat related to them and was trying to find any way to make the kind of money they did. He leeched onto any family member who would let him. Which was Tom.

“Who the fuck is the crip keeper?” You asked Roman about Ewan. You had seen him talk to Logan. “His liberal snowflake brother.” Roman answered.

“Oh, good news. Uh- Eduard is here. I told him to fly in. He’s expecting you at a bar in an hour.” You broke the news. Roman was shocked at how stupid of a decision that was for Eduard. But he was happy enough to have it set up in the very lease.

“You’re the fucking best. God what a fucking moron. I could just take you right here in front of everyone.” Roman seemed to pump himself up. “Yeah-yeah. Go now.” You laughed, pushing him slightly. You both went your own separate ways for at least a couple of hours. You had a lot of stuff to do in the meantime. Which mostly consisted of you hanging out with Shiv as she seemed to be calling meeting after meeting to destroy Rhea. You had stayed out of it most of the time though.

Connor left the room completely upset before the rest left as well.

“What fucking pathetic brats…” Connor mumbled under his breathe. You looked up, wondering what had happened. Roman left soon. “Rome- what the fuck happened?” You asked him. “Why is Connor-?” you asked him.

“Eh, who actually gives a shit?” He shrugged.

Notes: Poor Connor.

Chapter 14

[one-vivid-judgment]

Mutual said We Are x Pokemon, and as I'm currently back in my Pokémon era, thoughts were thunk.

Anyway, this is mostly my late night ramblings that I'm posting the morning after cause I think I'm so funny, but you can read them too if you want.

Phum and Kluen definitely have a Zangoose and a Seviper respectively. Phum's Zangoose hisses at Kluen's Seviper whenever they run into each other and Phum may or may not be encouraging him to do it even more cause he doesn't give a fuck if that snake is poisonous, he's gonna make it damn clear that he hates the guy. 

But thing is, Kluen is not even pursuing Peem anymore so there is really no need, and yet Phum keeps doing it cause he doesn't know that Kluen and Beer have been bonding over their big ass snakes like dog owners at the dog park. Kluen's Seviper and Beer's Serperior are best buddies—maybe even mates, if you will.

Toey has a Espurr that he believes is absolutely adorable because "like trainer, like Pokémon". And actually he is, but he can actually be absolutely freaking terrifying because he constantly looks like it's staring right into your soul and he knows stuff you don't. Toey says those eyes are super cute but like,,, that thing has seen stuff. 

Mick has the rarest Pokémon and no one really knows where they come from? They just kinda... Flock to him. Like, one day he just shows up with a damn Honedge and the next he's got a Zorua? It's that a fucking Spiritomb? Dude, is that a shiny fucking FEEBAS? What the hell?

Pun the type to pick up a Magikarp from the beach cause he thought it was sad that everyone was being mean to him, now he's got a Gyarados that looks absolutely terrifying but it's actually just an overgrown puppy that lets Guin (aka the Pidove that Pun and Chain rescued and adopted together) nap on him. Pun sometimes shoves his head right into his Gyarados' jaws to show just how harmless he is and it always scares people out of their damn minds.

Aunt Pui with a Kangaskhan.

Tan with a Blissey that immediately feels drawn to Fang and offers him one of her eggs because she can feel how hurt he is deep down and it's in her nature to make people happy. Bonus points if Tan got her as a Happiny back when he was in his 'constantly getting into fights' era, because his parents wanted him to prove that he was good at something other than beating people up. He was kind of clueless on what to do at first, but then he started taking such good care of her and treating her like his daughter and she evolved into a Chansey in record time. 

Matt found a teeny tiny little Joltik roaming around in his room one day, just straight up feasting on his power outlet and he just,,, let the little guy stay. He really likes sitting on Matt's head while he draws. Sure, the blackouts are A BIT impractical sometimes, but what are you gonna do, tell the little guy no?

Just,,, itty bitty little Pokemon being drawn to Matt. He's got little Dedenne and Sewaddle buddies that nap on his windowsill everyday cause Matt feeds them. 

In fact, Mick initially only started spending more time around Matt because a Dreepy just sort of,,, started following Matt around one day and Mick was like "Damn that's crazy, can I keep him?" And he wanted to see what else Matt would attract.

Chain has an Applin. Because "an apple a day keeps the doctor (and the dentist!) away", you know the drill. Funnily enough, it ends up evolving into Hydrapple—you know, the literal candied apple.

He didn't know about the whole 'lovers give each other an Applin to show their romantic interest', but when he did, the first thing he did was catch another Applin to give to Pun. No, Pun didn't get it, he just thought Chain wanted them to match. Yes, now Pun's got a dog-like, apple pie Dragon creature living in his house. Chain should've really just caught a Piplup from the start, he would've caught on quicker. 

You know how Mimikyus feel lonely and disguise as Pikachu so they can be loved? You know how Fang and Phum put on the perfect son facade so they could get some love from their parents? Yeah... 

You know how Togepis are said to have a shell full of happiness? How they are like little ducklings in the sense that they imprint on the first person they see and consider them their mom and stay with them? How it's said to spread joy around and how its smile is healing for the soul? How Togekiss brings good luck and loves people who are kind and respect others? You think Tan has one and he gifted Fang one of her eggs so he could heal internally the way Tan did?

Phum starting off with his normal buffalo plushie and then escalating into catching an honest to Arceus fucking Bouffalant which now kinda just,,, chills in his condo. Because fuck his parents, that's why. If he wants to have 95 kg buffalo as a roommate, he will have a 95 kg buffalo as a roommate. 

Fai's Pom-Pom style Oricorio who just gets out of her Pokeball on her own whenever Fai or the other art students start getting all mopey about deadlines to try and cheer them all up. She always gets extra treats afterwards which might be why she is getting a little chunky, but in her defense, it always works. 

Fai also has a Mawile who, for some reason, loves to chew on Q's leg. With her back jaws. She goes easy on him most of the time but like, Q knows better than to piss her off.

Mick has an Orthworm —the literal 310 kgs, 2'5 meters steel worm creature— roaming around the garden at his house because "Just look how SILLY he looks, he's adorable". And although the thing may not be tiny BY ANY MEANS, he's also drawn to Matt.

Kluen having Pokémon that are stereotypically 'evil' (ala Seviper, Malamar, Banette) but who are actually??? Super chill??? Like, sure, they'll bite if provoked, but bros are just chilling??? That Malamar just wants Poffins, dude. That Banette is living his best life, he doesn't want revenge on his past owner no more, Kluen picked him up from the trash one day and went "Yeah, I'll take care of you." That Seviper is highkey thirsty for Beer's royal ass Serperior. His Tinkaton IS evil tho.

Also yes, Kluen has a Tinkaton and Phum has a Corviknight, because that would be hilarious.

Beer having so many Pokemon that most people wouldn't know how to evolve because he actually has the braincells to figure out how it happens. So when you see his Kingambit or Gholdengo? That's him lowkey flexing.

Peem's biggest dream is to travel across the ocean on a Lapras. Phum's biggest dream is to catch a Lapras for Peem and go with him.

Q's grandpa left him a Pokémon egg before he passed. It hatched into a Fuecoco. Everyone loves him because he's just a goofy lil guy, he's always in a corner of the art room munching on some leftovers. When he evolves into Crocalor he starts making weird noises but apparently that's normal? So Q just lets it be although he is kinda worried at first—and then Skeledirge. Who not only can SING but also can shape fire into a MIC which okay, that IS pretty cool and Q gets it now. It's pretty fun to have a singing buddy if he does say so himself; if he ever gets sick and can't sing he can just let his big 300+ kg fire croc do the job. Nah, just kidding. Unless?

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 26, 2021 5:00 a.m. paradise hotel

[henry] hello! good morning, sunshine.

[grant] did i wake you up?

[henry] i was already up. and yes, i know my eyes are closed. it's just so i can go back to sleep at some point.

[henry] anyway, i dreamed about a hockey stick knocking out my teeth, which woke me up, and then remembered i have a dentist appointment in a couple weeks, so i decided i should floss my teeth all of a sudden to impress them.

[grant] they’ll still know you haven’t been doing it!

[henry] lalalalalalala, i am refusing to listen and learn.

[henry] so, how was it with cool shoes singer girl?

[grant] oh yeah, it was nice.

[grant] did you intend for that to happen?

[henry] nope. i didn’t care what you did. i just didn’t want you to not speak to her and restrict yourself because of some weird internal logic or because i was there.

[henry] if you can talk to someone because they seem interesting, you can flirt with someone for the same reason.

[grant] she is was cool. super interesting person. and, uh, i never like to comment on these things because it seems wrong and entirely disrespectful, but she is beautiful.

[grant] now i feel kind of like an idiot for not even trying to get her number, but also…

[henry] man, it’s not a huge deal. this is a thing most people do, flirting for fun. it doesn’t always have to be, “i won’t speak to you unless you’re prepared to marry me in two years.”

[henry] okay, i'm the wrong person to tell you that because that’s what happened with soobin, but trust me, most people are not as serious about flirting! flings are a thing.

[henry] and seriously, it’s not like you led her on. you didn’t fulfill your fear. she initiated things, so she could have followed through if she wanted to.

[grant] that, yeah. i got the feeling she wanted to follow through somehow, but she seemed really nervous, i guess, when the opportunity came up.

[henry] oh, at the end?

[grant] yeah. i don't think she knew what to say. i definitely didn't either. i was a little paralyzed.

[grant] i was thinking in the moment, like, it would be very irresponsible for me to do anything beyond flirt with someone, no matter how strong that desire to not be alone long-term is.

[grant] you know what i mean? there are probably very specific things i'm doing that get me into messy relationships or ones doomed to fail, and i haven’t even gotten there in therapy. i don’t want to subject anyone else to whatever those issues are.

[grant] but i didn't know how to let her down because i knew she was waiting for me to do something or say something, and then i felt bad about the idea of letting her down because i did like her and she genuinely seemed like a nice person.

[grant] and i wasn't expecting either of us to...fuck, man, i don't know, like each other so much. so, i didn't have a whole ending speech planned or anything. i seriously thought we'd just have a coffee or something and then part ways.

[grant] ugh. this is why i don't do casual things. it's too much. i never understand how to deal with all the feelings. i'm not super sure i'm securely attached enough to flirt casually, you know?

[grant] but she really was...

[grant] anyway! alright, well, we have an hour left to sleep, so.

[henry] night night.

[grant] ugh, i don’t want to get up.

[grant] my back hurts and in the lie down way, not the walk around and kind of sort of briefly fix it way.

[henry] don’t even think about sleeping within 13.75 inches of me.

[grant] okay, commencing movement to within 13.74 inches of you.

[henry] no, you can sleep here. i don’t mind.

[joellesolo]

So, I started taking carbamazepine (tetregol) on Sunday, which was actually planned out over a month ago by my psych and I at our last appointment in September because I did NOT want to have a repeat of caplyta and spent October as a zombie and miss out on Halloween events and the Something Corporate concert and Emo Night Tour and everything, you know? So that was the plan, to start it a night after ENT; cool right?

But then of course ENT gets cancelled literally two hours before it started, it triggers a manic episode (okay, to be fair, I was manic before it got cancelled, I guess...), I start the carbamazepine, and of course, have a terrible reaction.

And what a fucking WEEK to have a terrible reaction to it.

I tried to give it a couple days, but, I couldn't even walk up the stairs unassisted, so on Tuesday night Michael was just like, you gotta call your psych, and I was just like, so defeated... like, are my options to either be depressed or a zombie?! Because this is exactly what happened with the caplyta last fall. Except I gave that med three and a half weeks of being a zombie before I gave up on it and went back on vraylar. So I've spent over a fucking YEAR being depressed and ragey. And that's not fair to my girls...

So, I stop the carbamazepine, and, this morning, wake up feeling not great, but I wasn't falling off the treadmill like the last few days at least?? I was able to drive Peanut to the dentist and to school, which, I HAD to, so that's good? And I got home, and took the fanapt, and then got in the shower and semi blow-dried my hair and then... could barely keep my eyes open and fell down the stairs.

And then googled fanapt and discovered it causes sedation and drowsiness and could barely make it to the sidewalk when Lil's bus got home.

EMBARRASSING.

So I guess we'll see how it goes. I'm supposed to take another one this evening 😭 And increase the dosage tomorrow, and the next day, and the next...

Maybe I'm just doomed to be depressed forever?? Idk. Things are not looking good.

I'm swaying right now, and it's supposed to be nap time and it's taken me fifty fucking minutes to type this out 😭 I guess that's my cue to fuck this.

[happysparklingshadows]

Time May Change Me

Chapter 1 ❀ Chapter 2 ❀ Chapter 3

Summary: Turns out that having messy friends will cause some mess in your own life. Good thing that the mess Lola got, gave her a golden opportunity to keep getting to know this one pretty loser more.

Warnings: Dina and Jesse being sluts and Lola low key being a little mean  @jinxtheplanet​

Word Count: 3.6k

My eyes reluctantly opened as the sun shined onto my face hitting my eyes. I turned on Dina’s bed as my head held a hot pressure on my crown. I try to lull myself back to sleep, and I feel the warmth of the blankets. 

“Fuck, Jesse! God!” A loud moan came out of the bathroom, adjoined to the bedroom. My eyes open wide at the sounds, and I sit up. I slowly awake and become alert to the slapping sounds and male whimpers from the small room beside me. “Ah-Ah-Ah-right fucking there, Jesse!”

Of course, they’re fucking! They are constantly fucking!. 

I got up hastily, threw my backpack on, and ran out of the room. I left the house as quickly as possible and didn’t realize that the morning sun was just peeking out of the skyline. The sun was just hitting my eyes in the correct position. Fucking great. 

I walk home in my clothes, and my makeup smudges around my eyes. I feel myself growing tired again from the lack of natural sleep. I can still feel the moonshine and joints in my system and realize how lucky I am that I am not going on patrol today. 

I eventually get to my house, and I quietly open the door. I walk into the kitchen to grab a glass of water but stop when I see Tommy sipping on some coffee, looking out the kitchen window over the sink. 

“You know, you don’t have to sneak in.” Tommy chuckled and sipped loudly on the coffee. “But you better pray Maria doesn’t see you because she thought you were just at Dina’s last night.” 

“Okay, thank you, Tommy.” Quietly say and race over to the sink, pulling the class from the drying rack and drinking some water. “I’m going to take a nap now.” 

“It’s 5 am, girl.” He said back to me in disbelief. 

“I don’t know where you got that tone from, but I think you know about power naps, old man.” I laugh at him and go up the stairs quickly. 

“Whatever, punk; I expect you at the gun range tonight, though.” 

“You got it, old man.” I yawn as I reach the stair's top and go straight to the left of my bedroom.  I rip my coat off, flip my shoes off with my steps, and flop onto the bed. 

My love, I have come back to you. Sorry, I slept in another bed. I smile at the thought as I cuddle into my blankets. 

The day went on like any other day. Off reading my smutty books and knitting another blanket for someone. The house was quiet because I was the only home which was something I had to grow into throughout the years. My fingers skillfully hold the yarn between the thick knitting needles, braiding the wool into a blanket. When I am alone, my mind goes off on its own, and my body keeps going on like nothing. 

When I was still in Kansa city’s QZ, I have left home alone a lot. My parents were attentive at home and gave me love whenever they could, mainly consisting of advice on fighting correctly and kisses on the forehead. My dad was a smuggler, and my mother was the only dentist in the QZ, making it challenging to be home with me when I was home from school. I loved being alone at one time. I acted like an adult in my home and would do anything I wanted, although I wasn’t a kid under strict parents. But once, my mom and dad died, I was all alone for the first time. In the Qz, there was always noise and people in your building. The day in Emporia, Kansas, when my dad ran off from me, will always be in my mind. I remember my consciousness pulling back for the first time and not remembering much more after a distance gunshot ran out. I have never been terrific on my own, even though I can be alone. I had to hide parts of myself and let this numbness push me further away from the world. My mind forced me to observe and not engage, letting the beast I carry take control. I was behind a wall of glass, looking through to the world. I wasn’t even Lola anymore; I was just instinct. Coming to Jackson, the scariest thing I had to learn was being alone again. Maria had left for a council meeting, and I woke up from a nap to find myself alone in the house. I was convinced I had been left alone again and started shaking uncontrollably. Memories were playing over and over again without consent or permission. Memories of death and bitterness the world have shown me. Maria found me in the living room in the fetal position and uncontrollably crying. But as time went by in Jackson, I felt safe again and had a sense of security in being left alone, although it took longer than I want to admit. 

Knocking at the front door pushed me out of my thoughts. I put down the knitting I was doing, walked to the door, and opened it to regret not fixing my hair quickly. 

“Ellie, what are you doing here?” I asked and started to rub the button on my cardigan. 

“Hey, Lola, you look nice tonight.” Ellie smiled at me. She stood in front of me in jeans and a dark blue flannel, showing off her tattooed arm, and had her hair in a loose bun. “I wanted to tell you all that just went down at the patrol office.” 

Oh, shit! Did I do something? Shit, I didn’t do anything!

“Oh, god, what happened? Did something bad happen?” I asked, my worry clear on my face. 

“No! No, but I wanted to tell you we’re partners now.” Ellie reassured me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was a mix between happy and conflicted. 

Oh, Ellie, aren’t you cocky? If you are whipped already, you could just say. 

I chuckle and take a step back, “What do you mean? Dina has always been my partner.” 

“Well, I guess the two of them came into the office to Joel and Tommy and said they would like to be assigned together after we came back from our patrol. I offered to become your partner so there wasn’t any confusion with getting a new person and everything.” She rambled on and looked at her feet, and a blush grew as she continued talking to me. 

I smirked at her and lightly nudged her foot with mine, making her look up at my face. Ellie was blushing but tried to keep her face neutral, and she wasn’t good at hiding her feelings. “Ellie, that was a good idea. I think we will work fine together. But I have to yell at Dina for not telling me first.” I joked. 

Ellie chuckled at me and looked at her shoes again, “Okay, good. I thought you were going to yell at me for this.” 

I smile at her as I put on some shoes, “Why would I be angry at you?” 

“I didn’t stop Dina or Jesse and kinda wanted a change.” She said, her face crunched up in a face again, and she looked away. 

Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit, Ellie wanted meeeee! 

“Good thing, I wanted a change too,” I smirked at her and finished tying my shoes. I stood up from the stairs in front of the main door. “You wanna show me their sorry asses?” 

“S-sure thing,” Ellie said, her face crunching again at her voice. 

Jesus, she is so fucking awkward. It’s so hot. 

I smile at her and leave the house, locking it behind me. I looked at my reflection in the window and decided to fix my hair. My hair was half up and half down with a ponytail, so I tried to get my baby hair and retie the hair. As I was finger-combing the hair, a familiar pressure was on my neck. 

Energy and pressure pressed on the back of my neck. My mouth became dry, and my fingers fidgeted with my hair. I let my eyes flick over in the glass. Ellie stood behind me with her green eyes locked onto the back of my head, her lip was in her teeth, and her eyes scanned over my back. Her eyes stopped at my ass, and I couldn’t help the blush burning on my cheeks, a smile breaking through my face. 

I turn back quickly, Ellie’s eyes snap up to my eyes, not knowing I caught her, and she smiles at me. “Lead the way, gorgeous.” 

“I will. Thank you.” I say sweetly and with my best doe eyes. I step closer to Ellie and look slightly down at her, being only a few inches taller than the girl, “Let’s get going, partner.”   

The walk to the Tipsy Bison was comfortable between us.  Ellie and I walked in silence, only to be interrupted sporadically by the random greetings I would get from people on the street of Jackson.  Ellie's eyes would widen whenever someone would greet her beside me, and she would wave back quickly and give a tight-lipped smile, and I peeked over at her every time she did. She wasn’t used to people greeting her like I was, but the comfort of knowing Ellie was going out of her isolation made me smile. 

The fairy lights of the bar could be seen dancing on the ground outside of the bar. I turned my head to Ellie and said, “Wanna make a bet?” 

“Sure,” Ellie smiled at me softly and looked away, “what are we betting?” 

Oh, Ellie’s shy tonight. Alright. 

“I bet Dina and Jesse are back together, and they are inside the bar right now, dance-fucking.” 

“Ugh, I hate it when they do that.” Ellie groaned, dramatically turning her head back, “They always do that in front of us too. I don’t get it.” 

“I get it. I think it's something people in love do.” I chuckled and shook my head, looking down at my hands as we walked closer to the bar.  “But, I wouldn’t do it in public, no.” 

Ellie chuckled at me and looked at my face. I couldn’t muster enough courage to look back at her, feeling the weight of her eyes on my cheeks, nose, and eyes. I couldn’t help but let my heart race. 

You are not pretty enough… Stop smiling. 

A familiar whisper echoes in my head, making me grow silent.  I pull my lips tight as we walk into the bar, still not looking back at Ellie. The bar was full of people, and people were dancing on the floor, old country songs played romantically on the counter. The fairy lights hung lazily on the ceiling, and candles made at the community center were lit at each table. My eyes grew soft at the scene and the bar's energy, a welcoming place where people could be people. I have been inside the bar many times, but every time I walked in on the happy laughs and drunk talking, I felt so happy to be a part of it.

Dina and Jesse slowly danced with their foreheads touching; they looked at each other with adornment.  Jesse’s hands were on her waist, and Dina’s was on his shoulders, snaking around his neck and kissing him softly.  Tenderly they dance together as they murmur to each other. 

God, I am going to vomit and die alone. I would kill to have that. 

“Well, at least they aren’t dance-fucking.” Ellie said to me, making me snap my head back to her. I quickly change my face with a smile at her and force a chuckle. 

“Yeah, now they are making love dancing.” Knowing that it didn’t land, I joke, “I owe you a drink because I was somewhat wrong.”

“Lola, you don’t owe me-” 

“I owe you for picking me as a partner before I got stuck with someone I don’t know or like.” I chuckle and push her shoulder, “Besides, I need a drink, and you can get us a table.” 

Ellie says softly back, looking away. “Okay. I’ll see what I can do.” 

I quickly walk away from Ellie. My breath is getting trapped in my chest again, and I can’t stop my hands from shuddering under the weight of her eyes. I want her to look away but never take her eyes off me. She was so pretty and strong and confident, and I was me. I am Lola, and Lola doesn’t get the people she wants. She helps the people she wants to get who they want. Ellie will not want me when she gets closer to me like everyone else. I know that deep down because why did everyone before her leave me? It was because of me. I am a problem. I feel myself getting increasingly claustrophobic within my brain because Ellie is trying to get closer to me. It was too much change, too quickly. 

“Hey, Seth, can I get two whisky lemonades?” I asked as I looked down at my hands. 

“Yeah.” Seth blankly responded as he started to pour the drinks into glasses.  “Do you want a water with-”

“Lola! Funny seeing you here!” Ben interrupts Seth as he approaches me, placing a hand on my arm. My face pulls into a frown, and my body stiffens. Ben was a skinny tall blonde with a mediocre face and personality that had too much confidence to be justified. 

I look over at him without moving my head. I look him up and down. My lips purse in distaste, and I cross my arms, pushing his hand away. “Hi, Ben.” I sassed quickly at him and looked back to Seth, who had the drinks finished. 

“Thanks, Seth,” I muttered, grabbing the drinks before walking from the bar. 

“Hey, I was thinking about maybe dancing tonight. Would you like to dance with me?” Ben quickly asked me, grabbing my arm again. If you touch me one more fucking time… 

“Sorry, I’m not dancing tonight,” I said, pushing his hand off of me again and walking back to Ellie, who was sitting at a table now with Jesse and Dina. 

“Okay, I get it. Have a good night, princess!” Ben roared as he walked away with a huff. I rolled my eyes to the back of my head at him and continued to the table. The comment was loud enough that the table heard him. Ellie heard him, making her ears perk up at the pet name. Her lips pursed in disgust. 

“Hey, fake bitches,” I groaned to the table as I sat down next to Ellie and across from Dina. I took a big gulp of my drink that burned the back of my throat. I look straight into Jesse’s eyes, “So, you stole my girl?” I said, deadly serious. 

Jesse’s eyes widened as he lowered his glass, his face blank when he looked back at me. Dina bit her lip to hold back a laugh, and Ellie, next to me, stared at her drink, unmoving. “I didn’t-” 

“YOU DID! You stole my girl, and you took her out of our bed this morning! You may be her boyfriend, but that woman right there!” I interrupted with a dramatic tone, pointing at Dina, “That is my sister. And, I think you need to be reminded of your place, Jesse.” then I looked back at Dina, who was bright red with lips twisted together to hold a laugh, “Dee, if you wanna fuck this meat-head then you can tell me so I don’t have to wake up to you two going at it.” 

“You’re just mad you’re not getting any from anyone,” Jesse commented under his breath, making me snap my head at him. 

I stare straight at him, my lip twitching from the smile forming,  my eyes burning into Jessie's. I cracked like glass under his silence and let out a belly laugh, which triggered the other's loud laughter, except Ellie. Ellie chuckled at the laughter as she sipped on the drink. She glanced over at me but didn’t say anything. 

“Okay, okay, I am not that mad,” I giggle and look at Dina, “but I would have liked to be told before it happened so we could discuss it, but I will have more fun with Ellie anyways, poser.” I continued. I lean into my seat, bumping shoulders with the quiet girl beside me. Ellie let out another halfhearted chuckle and a small smile at the table. She seemed to be inside her head tonight. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you yet because you would have convinced me to stay with you.” Dina laughed and drank the rest of her drink. She was glowing from the alcohol and seemed to be very happy. “I just thought it was a good idea for me and Jesse to see each other more.” 

Yeah, that is such a good idea. I bet you are going to be fighting the whole time…

“You guys back together?” Ellie asked, sipping her drink slowly. I turn my head over to look at her. I see the crinkle at the top of her eyebrow and how her lips are smaller than average from her subtle grimace. I looked over her face and noticed the amount of micro freckles that littered her pale face. She looked away from me. I disconnect from the conversation and sip the rest of my drink. I start to count the freckles on her face. 

21…22…23…24 Oh shit, she’s looking at me lookawaylookawaylookaway

“Are you even listening, Lola?” Ellie asked me. She glanced over at me with a more serious face.

“No, what?” I said bluntly, my cheeks heating up from getting caught looking at her, “I am a lightweight. You know this.” 

Ellie chuckled, and a small smile cracked on her lips. I grin back at her. “I was saying I don’t have patrol until Sunday, so you got an extra day off.” She said again. 

I grin wider at her, “Oh my god, your right! Good news for me!” I giggle and put my empty glass on the table. 

Dina and Jesse talk to each other. Dina stands up suddenly and pulls Jesse up with her. Dina looks at me, forcing me to look back at her. “We’re returning to the dance floor; see you tomorrow Lola.” 

“Uh, whatever. See you later.” I groan back at her with a fake glare to her. She only laughs and pulls the laughing man with her to their former position. I shake my head at the two and look over to Ellie. 

When I look over to Ellie, she is already looking at me. Her emerald green eyes stared at my face. She looked lost inside her head again but with a face that was soft in its blankness. The weight of her eyes locking into my brown ones spread heat throughout my chest and an immediate pressure sent to my arousal. My shyness from earlier completely hid away when I felt the air around us at that moment, but the fear only grew in my gut. No person has ever made me shudder internally like the girl in front of me at this moment. 

“You know that Ben has been looking at you all night?” Ellie asked seriously. She looked at me with her face turning back to her earlier look, with slight distaste. 

I smile at her and shake my head, “I don’t care if he is looking at me. He can look as long as he wants; I don’t want him.” 

“Well,” Ellie sighed and shook her head at me, not believing my flippancy about Ben, “Do you need someone to tell him to back off?” 

My smile grows even bigger, “No, you don’t have to. I will tell him to back off; He’s not who I want.” I say to her softly, giving her my best doe eyes. 

Ellie looks back at me, her face unchanged, but she shifts in her seat and raises an eyebrow. “Who do you want? Dina?” 

I rolled my head back and laughed out loud. “I love Dina like a sister. She’s my best friend, but I have never had feelings for her.” I started looking at Ellie, rolling my eyes slightly. “You really think I want Dina?” 

Ellie’s eyes widen, and she looks at her drink, taking a big gulp of the rest, making her face flinch slightly. “I don’t know you enough to know what you want.” She replied quietly, almost like she was thinking about that before she said it and it was confusing her a little bit, she started to pick at her cuticles. 

My smile slowly fell at her words, reminding me of my last romantic situation, like a slap in the face. I look at my hands. “I mean, we aren’t that close, but now that we are partners. We have plenty of time to get to know each other.” I said back softly, and I looked back up to Ellie. “Now, I am done for the night. Would you mind walking me home?” 

Ellie looked back at me like she was shocked when I asked her the question, but a smile grew. “Y-yeah, let’s get you home.” 

[warden-melli]

Not pokemon related but fuck these last few years have been tough. Been trying to distract myself all night but I think I need to vent for a sec

Trigger warning after the cut

I don’t want to get into details, but my uncle killed himself this morning. I knew something was wrong straight away when my mother randomly turned up with that look on her face. My grandmother was diagnosed with dementia last year, and my grandfather is in kidney failure, so at first I thought something bad and happened to them, but no. It was my uncle.

I spent a lot of today with my dad. My uncle was his little brother, and quite frankly as sad as I am for what happened to my uncle, I’m most worried about my dad right now. Not only did he lose both his father and older sister within the last year or so, but he’s been in pretty poor health himself. He was involved in an accident at work earlier this year involving a chainsaw, and honestly he’s lucky to be alive. PPE did it’s job, but even so he still ended up losing a tooth, and he’s had to have dental/implant surgeries to repair the damage. The last few weeks he’s also been extremely ill having caught Ross River fever from a job site. I have never seen him this sick in my entire life, and it has been extremely distressing seeing him in so much pain. He’s recovering from being sick, but he’s had an absolutely terrible run of luck, and that’s not even all of it. His best friend/brother in law has lung cancer, his sister just had a heart attack after contracting covid, and another of his sisters was just in a major car accident (he’s one of 10 kids btw). Also his pet budgie died last week. I feel horrible for him and I wish I could do something to make it better.

The last few weeks have been really tough. I broke my wisdom tooth, and because I am really bad at telling if/where I’m in pain I kinda tried to live with an exposed nerve for a few weeks before realising that it was serious. I knew something was wrong, but I have tmjd so I just kinda thought it was a chronic pain flare up at first. Like a really bad one, but I tried to ignore it. I had the back of my knee tattooed while dealing with a cracked wisdom tooth oof. After I figured out it wasn’t going to go away I eventually went to the dentist and had it extracted, but that was really hard for me to deal with. I was happy that the sharp pain had gone, but my jaw has been extremely sore since, and I really struggled sensory wise during the healing period. Then I broke my guitar and my fridge broke, so that’s over $1000 on top of the dental bills -_-

Idk life feels really hard lately. Haven’t been able to draw much, and have just been feeling flat in general. And now my uncle has passed and I just feel terrible. I’ll be okay. My sister is due to have a baby within weeks, and I’ve got some good concerts to look forward to, so it’s not all bad. One of my little sisters has been a twenty one pilots fan since she was literally an infant, and she’s finally old enough to see them live and I was able to get her really good tickets. She’s autistic too and has been working on her outfit and making stickers, and every time I see her that’s all she can talk about. I’m so happy for her and that I get to take her. There is good stuff, and good people and as silly as it sounds Melli/Pokemon really helps. He’s so so special to me. I’m glad I have him to focus on

I just needed to get stuff off of my chest, so if you’ve made it this far thanks for listening. Even if no one reads this just typing it out made me feel a bit better. May be a bit less active for a while, might be way more active. Idk how my brain wants to handle this lol