#good dialogue but it was interspersed with sad

[krys-loves-otome]

Hullooos Krys 🌸 May I ask for a Cloud or a Blanket? ✨

Hello, Alby! I can do both actually!

Fluffy Asks For Writers!

Cloud:  Share a fluffy conversation that you're proud of

“Pretty sure that Comte wouldn’t care about the cost,” he said, “but paper is still expensive, cara mia. Using the back is also a viable option, if you hate the front that much.” “It's… just frustrating,” Abby said, her voice quivering. “I can’t get it right.” "Get what right?” “The drawing… it… I can’t get it to look right.” “What seems to be the problem?” Leonardo set the paper on the drawing board, smoothing it out as best he could without smudging the pencil, and pulled up a nearby short table to sit on. After a moment, he changed his position to her right side, so he could freely use his left hand. “Everything looks so… stiff.” Abby bit her lip. “Well, it is a vase.” Leonardo smiled. “Not like it’s gonna suddenly jump in your lap like Lumiere would.” “You know what I mean… You and Vincent can make any drawing look so… effortless.” “Hmm…” Leonardo gently took her hand, tiny in his, and moved it across the page, taking her arm on a journey from one end to the other. “Have you been taught how to draw with your shoulder before?” “My shoulder?” Abby raised an eyebrow. “It’d be easier with your hand, wouldn’t it?” “You’re worried about stiffness, yeah?” Leonardo said, moving her arm in the same motion. “You’re so clenched up and tiny so much of the time, it reflects in your art too.” Abby watched as he guided her hand once again, making another long motion across the page. “Try moving like this.” “But the vase…” “Focus on loosening your arm up first. Make marks the way you like. Your hand and wrist will thank you in the long run.” He then released her hand, settling his in his lap. She bit her lip again, but turned back to her marks, unsteady at first, shaky and uneven, but she soon got the idea. “It feels… weird. Doing it like this.” “With a little more practice, you’ll be drawing much looser before you know it.” “Will this really help?” “Well,” Leonardo chuckled, “been doing this for the better part of 500 years. Hopefully I know what I’m doing at this point.”

From the 100 Prompts List Entry Starvation, Abby's entry

-------

Blanket: Share a snippet where a character feels safe and loved

"I think..." he started, his voice sounding a little stiff, "for now, you should get some rest, and we can talk some more in the morning. Okay?" He helped you to stand without another word, keeping an arm around your shoulders to steady you. You were too worn to argue with him. It didn't help that you liked how warm he was, how his steps matched yours as you walked. Even his light tobacco scent was soothing. He helped you into your room, pulling out the futon and blankets once inside. "I'll bring tea by in another hour or so, if you're still awake by then." "Hideyoshi..." you commented, looking away from him, "you don't have to. I know you're busy, so you don't- ." "The paperwork can wait, [Name]." You almost didn't believe what you were hearing. "Right now, it's best to get you relaxed and happy. It's not just you you have to think about anymore, right?" You swallowed, feeling your cheeks heating up. He pulled the covers back for you. "You hungry? Now, I know I shouldn't tell you that eating in bed all the time is okay, but we can keep it a secret between us, all right?" You still couldn't believe what you were hearing. If you didn't know any better, you could have sworn he pulled a switch and he was back to his old self, the worrying micro manager that, though he would bend the rules only sometimes, sounded more like a mother than your own mother did. Still, you couldn't help but be warmed by his worrying and gave him a small smile. "Would it be okay... if you stayed until I fell asleep?" His return smile was warm and affectionate, along with something you hadn't seen before. Still, you were too worn to question that look further, opting to just crawl into your futon and try to rest, like he said. Though you were facing him, you still didn't see his hand moving towards your hair, running his fingers into your scalp like he did before when he was comforting you. When was the last time someone had touched you like this? Did it always feel this nice? You closed your eyes, focusing on the sensations and feeling calmer by the moment, Hideyoshi's calm presence soothing you closer and closer to sleep. He might have been humming softly too, not that you could tell. Soon, warm darkness overcame you, feeling loved and comforted in a way you hadn't felt in a long time.

-From A Second Glance Part 1

Thanks for the ask!

[ikroah]

A girl can get somewhere in spite of stringy hair or even just a bit bowed at the knees if she can show a faultless…personality! —“Personality,” Johnny Mercer and the Pied Pipers (1946)

It Keeps Right On a-Hurtin’ #26 - Ring-a-Ding-Ding V

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Notes / Original Pencils / Transcript:

Notes:

ohhhhh my god why did i make this script so long my hand hurts this took forever aaaaagh

Welcome to the Lucky 38! This is a script that has remained basically the same for a long time but went through COUNTLESS extremely small rewrites over the course of production just to really nail Mr. House's dialogue. He's a long-winded guy, this whole issue is basically just him doing monologues, and I wanted to make sure it was all interesting and non-repetitive. I think I took out at least three uses of "merely" from the first draft.

One of the biggest production decisions of this issue was whether or not to cut the scene with Agnes and Cass and Victor, which immediately follows the end of the previous issue. The reason to include it was because it very necessarily established the change in location from the Vegas Strip to the Lucky 38 penthouse, which would have been jarring otherwise; the reason to exclude it was that it the issue was already extremely long and I thought opening right on Mr. House would have been more impactful. Ultimately, I did keep it, which was a good decision, but only because of the literally issue-saving idea to convey it as closed-circuit television footage instead of actual panels. Every single attempt at overlaying them with the lead-in to Mr. House was way too busy, but that idea really tied the page together like a nice rug.

And lastly, the framing device of the tarantula and the tarantula hawk was actually an extremely late addition to the comic. I had already finished the first three pages when I thought of it. My problem was that Mr. House's constant monologuing and Agnes' sad expressions got pretty repetitive. I needed something to break the action up while adding thematic heft and artistic variety. I've become a real enthusiast for wasps and tarantulas over the last couple months, so this one really was just a stroke of luck. It took only minimal revisions to make room for the framing device, with the most dramatic change being the complete replacement of the last page (which was originally just a splash page of the Lucky 38 in Vegas; bookending the first and last pages is so much better). So you see, the only reason for weaving a scene into this issue of a skittish desert-wanderer getting paralyzed and dragged toward a certain demise by a predator almost perfectly evolved to destroy it was just that I like bugs a lot. That's the only reason, yep.

Original Pencils:

Due to all of the photo-collage in the final version of the comic, there's a lot of panels and details that I (thankfully!) didn't have to draw myself. Sorry that the pencil isn't blue on the last three pages, I've been on the move for the holidays so they got scanned in grayscale by accident.

I did experiment with drawing the tarantula framing device myself, but ultimately went with the photo-collage method because the artistic juxtaposition actually made it much more readable when interspersed with the proceedings in the Lucky 38.

Transcript:

EXT. DESERT OUTSIDE OF NEW VEGAS. The city glitters in the distance, nestled between the shadows of mountains, with the spire of the LUCKY 38 towering above all else.

In the wilderness, a TARANTULA emerges from its burrow.

EXT. THE NEW VEGAS STRIP. On closed-circuit television monitors, a SECURITRON ROBOT approaches AGNES SANDS and ROSE OF SHARON CASSIDY, saying

VICTOR: Well howdy, partner! Fancy meetin' again here in Vegas!

CASS: What the fuck?

AGNES: Victor?

Unlike the usual police units, VICTOR's robotic "face" is that of a cowboy.

VICTOR: And heck, ya clean up nice! Sure lookin' a lot better now than when I rustled ya outta the bone orchard back in Goodsprings*--

CAP: *As was explained to Agnes way back in IKROAH #2. --Lou

VICTOR: --so how's about ol' Vic skips the rigamarole, huh? 'Fore all my yappin' makes ya want to go back, heh-heh-heh! I'm the welcome wagon, see. I'm to come and collect ya.

CASS: Agnes--

VICTOR: Boss wants t'see you, is what I'm sayin'.

AGNES: Boss?

VICTOR: Only of all of Vegas, friend!

CASS: Agnes.

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA crawls beneath the starlight.

VICTOR: So why don't we mosey on over to the Lucky 38? And your good pal can come along, too!

CASS: I need to know what the fuck is going on, right now.

AGNES: I...I don't know.

VICTOR: And y'know, boss ain't ever let a soul inside before, least for not as long as I've been rollin' around on my spurs, so this ain't just an everyday social call, mind...

On the closed-circuit television monitors, VICTOR escorts AGNES and CASS to the entryway of the LUCKY 38.

VICTOR: ...but heck, I reckon ya'll oughta get along like franks on a fire! So come on! Lift's in the lobby here, and up to the top floor--and we can get the formalities out of the way before ya'll get [cut off]

INT. THE LUCKY 38 PENTHOUSE.

AGNES stands awestruck, looking upward, bathed in electronic green light. With horror, she ekes out a single question.

AGNES: ...what are you?

???: A "Hello" would have been preferable, but it'll take more than a crude faux pas to tarnish this moment. Who I am, Agnes--

What AGNES is looking at is a gigantic SUPERCOMPUTER and terminal, flanked by closed-circuit television monitors and guarded on both sides by SECURITRON police units. On the supercomputer's massive screen is the green-lit image of a face. The face

MR. HOUSE: --is ROBERT EDWIN HOUSE. The President, CEO, and sole proprietor of New Vegas--and more to the point, the intended recipient of a long delayed package.

AGNES: Oh, you...you mean the platinum chip?

MR. HOUSE: Correct. It's a...very precious artifact of the old world.

MR. HOUSE: My world, once.

In the back of the room, beyond AGNES, is an oil painting of MR. HOUSE, standing outside in front of what must have been a very large robot.

MR. HOUSE: In that world, I was the founder of RobCo Industries--a titan of innovation. We created a litany of robotic solutions for diverse markets, such as the Securitrons that you see here, and even a line of consumer-grade devices like the wrist-mounted Pip-Boy. But the platinum chip was, more than any other, my design. It was my vision.

MR. HOUSE: But it never left the factory in which it was originally made. Before it could even cool off from its assembly...we had the Great War. An international, thermonuclear bombardment of unimaginable power that annihilated the world in all of two hours.

MR. HOUSE: But not the entire world. Not Vegas. Not my Paradise. From my fortress of the Lucky 38, I saw to that. But as for the rest of the world, and my platinum chip--it took generations.

MR. HOUSE: First for the scarce remnants of humanity to crawl out from under their rocks, and for the world to at least resemble a functioning society again in which to do trade. And then for the work itself--of countless scavengers, treasure-seekers, and the like, all contracted to comb over the wreckage of Sunnyvale. It cost millions of caps, and later, New California dollars. And a not insignificant piece of my pre-war fortune as well. I, quite literally, moved mountains.

MR. HOUSE: I do not believe in providence, Agnes, but I do believe in destiny. How else to explain it? It was pristine when it was found. Neither the bombs nor the passage of time had so much as scuffed its sheen. But still...its value far transcended the mere market price of pure platinum.

MR. HOUSE: Amusingly, despite the discovery, I was still only as close to acquiring the chip as I had been originally in 2077. A final ordeal remained for me: how to ensure the safety of the platinum chip en route to its destination, from Sunnyvale to Vegas, without broadcasting its preciousness to thieves, armies, and raiders--or worse, to heavily armed fetishists for pre-war technology like the Brotherhood of Steel?

MR. HOUSE: Misdirection. Through a network of anonymous liaisons, I contracted the Mojave Express for a batch of deliveries, all superficially similar knick-knacks, to various intermediaries of myself. All but one of the orders were totally worthless decoys. But your identity as the carrier of the one genuine item was somehow compromised, leading to you getting attacked, and to the second disappearance of the chip.

MR. HOUSE: But look around you. Look where you are. You've made it, haven't you?

AGNES, still staring up at the visage of MR. HOUSE on-screen, doesn't respond. She frowns, nervous. The SECURITRONS guarding MR. HOUSE observe her stoically.

MR. HOUSE: Let me clarify: I had nothing to do with Benny's ambush. Heavens no! It goes completely against my interests. It would have been a perfectly quotidian day's work for you if not for his, and I stress, unexpected involvement. The platinum chip...belies its significance. For Benny to have not only discovered its delivery route but possibly enough of that significance to motivate such an act, this constituted a very troubling breach of my security. And I had been looking into it...but in a way, the issue seems to have resolved itself. Hm?

MR. HOUSE: A wild card. Now removed from the deck.

AGNES' gaze sinks to the floor.

MEANWHILE, a small shadow blots out the starlight in the desert outside of Vegas. It flies over the exploring TARANTULA.

AGNES looks back up at MR. HOUSE.

AGNES: I killed him.

HOUSE: So you did. I only wish that we could have spoken before you went rogue on my former protégé: if this story breaks, I can grant you amnesty, but not without controversy. And your infamy as an assassin could make our further arrangements quite difficult.

AGNES: Um...I didn't think there would be more to it than delivering the--

MR. HOUSE: Oh! Of course, of course! My apologies. Two hundred years of anticipation and yet I'm still getting ahead of myself. Well--would you mind? I've been waiting a long time for my mail.

The SECURITRON closest to AGNES wheels forward with its claw outstretched. AGNES reaches her fingers into a pocket beneath the belt of her dress to produce it: the PLATINUM CHIP. She holds it in her hand for a brief moment.

MEANWHILE, the shadow descends; the TARANTULA HAWK engages the TARANTULA.

AGNES relinquishes the PLATINUM CHIP to the SECURITRON.

MR. HOUSE: Thank you--it's a relief to pay for this chip for the final time.

The SECURITRON inserts the PLATINUM CHIP into a slot in MR. HOUSE'S supercomputer, feeding it into the drive with a CLIK.

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA is fighting the TARANTULA HAWK.

From behind AGNES, another SECURITRON presents her with a stack of NEW CALIFORNIA REPUBLIC DOLLARS, which she gingerly takes in her hand and looks over.

MR. HOUSE: And I trust that you're satisfied with the agreed-upon compensation from the delivery contract, yes?

AGNES: Yeah, it's...it's fine...I'll be going now. Thanks.

MR. HOUSE: Oh? But you've only just arrived. I insist that you make yourself at home.

SFX: KZZSZZZTTT

The faces on the screens of the SECURITRONS in MR. HOUSE'S penthouse suddenly change from policemen to soldiers. AGNES recoils and tries to step away.

AGNES: H-hey, uh--

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA HAWK pierces the underbelly of the TARANTULA with its stinger.

SECURITRONS surround AGNES.

MR. HOUSE: You are the first guest ever through the doors of the Lucky 38, you know. Nobody has so much as checked a coat inside since the war, so this meeting confers you a significant level of privilege...and inevitable celebrity. The people of Vegas have always gossiped, after all. Many have even clawed at the door desperately with dreams of being where you now stand. Surely you can comprehend how this compulsion to leave after such a deliberate and remarkable invitation risks considerable insult--to both myself and my citizenry? And very deliberate this invitation was. Don't you realize: if handing off my package was all for which you were needed, why wouldn't I have just had Victor relieve you of the chip outside? No, no, you see, as necessary as its acquisition was, the chip is ultimately just a key, for unlocking a new frontier...of possibilities.

MR. HOUSE: Possibilities for prosperity, peace, and technological advancement that haven't been seen in two hundred years. Possibilities greater than anything the New California Republic or Caesar's Legion could dream of, let alone achieve, by playing pretend in the clothes of their forebearers and convincing everyone else that it's statecraft. Possibilities--which if they key is turned by human hands--become certainties.

AGNES (a whisper): Are you not human?

MR. HOUSE: Don't let the video screens and computer terminals fool you: I am a living human. No less so than you. I just live with a particular set of, well...handicaps.

AGNES: You said you'd waited hundreds of years to--

MR. HOUSE: One could argue that the world has been waiting hundreds of years for this moment. Waiting for me. For the chip. For the long-dormant doors of the Lucky 38 to finally open, to a single and specially ordained individual: you, Agnes. And there are tremendous things waiting for us, waiting for us to accomplish them, together. I certainly couldn't do them with Benny. What do you say?

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA has become completely paralyzed by the TARANTULA HAWK'S venom. The TARANTULA HAWK seizes its prey.

AGNES: ...no.

MR. HOUSE: I'm sorry--"No?"

AGNES: Yes--I mean, no. No! I don't want to help you! I...

Tears well in AGNES' eye.

AGNES: ...I just want to go back home.

MR. HOUSE: ...I see. Hmm.

MR. HOUSE: How do I put this in a way you'll understand?

MR. HOUSE: The die is cast.

AGNES, crying, looks up at MR. HOUSE again. Fear bulges on her face.

MR. HOUSE: Throughout the long delivery of this chip, several precise plans and fortuitous coincidences have aligned in just such a way as to make you, you specifically at this exact juncture, an irreplaceable asset in the ongoing endeavor of this wounded world's recovery from otherwise hopeless ruin.

MR. HOUSE: Your cooperation going forward is not merely crucial to this endeavor's success, but it's utterly non-negotiable. Should you entertain the moral issue of what's at stake, it's obligatory, even. It's why your refusal comes as such a...genuine surprise. Can't you see?

MR. HOUSE: I'm not a fascist, Agnes--I would never force you. But given the circumstances, I'm entitled, wouldn't you agree, to at least a brief demonstration of my vision? The vision that the platinum chip promises? Victor has surely seen your companion to the presidential suite by now--my other Securitrons can escort you to the basement, where I'm sure you can make a...properly informed decision.

The SECURITRONS close in on AGNES, who screams in protest.

AGNES: No! I said no! I already delivered your chip, I--I killed Benny! I-- I-- ...what do you want with me!?

MR. HOUSE: Haven't you been listening? I want what's best for you--for us. I know it's a lot, but bear with me for one moment longer, and I can assure you--that this is the beginning of something very incredible.

MEANWHILE, the TARANTULA HAWK has dragged the paralyzed TARANTULA back to the entrance of its own burrow.

The TARANTULA HAWK shoves its helpless prey into the hole, and then crawls in after it.

The TARANTULA is not seen again.

[vickyvicarious]

van helsing character notes from today: he is typically "up to time" (punctual), and also always brings his bag with him now (ready for the worst)

"Let all be put down... exactly." OH GOD. here it comes.

I love the way Jack says "it was a lovely morning"; he's speaking with hindsight here, and his misery and resignation color all that came before. He sounds almost mournful as well as wistful when he describes the beautiful day, because he knows the contrast awaiting him inside.

Jack saying "She is always an early riser." with a audible side-eye is so funny. I don't think it's about what he's saying here, more the context of her seeing Lucy and not noticing her sleep isn't peaceful rest. And of course taking away the flowers. Or maybe it's even just that he wishes he didn't have to run into her first thing in the morning.

I LOVE the little, "mm?" interspersed throughout Mrs. Westenra's speech. Again, I feel like the voice acting paints such a good picture of her character, and especially here where she is seeking praise/showing off her self-satisfaction at "helping"

Speaking of. The little edge of rasp in Jack's delivery of "to which she answered:" just before Mrs. Westenra reveals what she has done. And his resigned tone on "asked the Professor." As he's narrating this dialogue he is restricted to just speech tags but his delivery makes his misery clear.

the music creeping in as Mrs. Westenra talks about the "horrible, strong-smelling flowers" building as you realize what she's done and what it must mean in time with van Helsing...!

Mrs. Westenra sounds so proud of herself. So oblivious and cheerful.

The little quiver in Jack's voice at "he actually smiled on her"

"Then, for the first time in my life, I saw Van Helsing break down." Jack speaks this line softly, almost wonderingly. He has so much faith in van Helsing, and he's been using his mentor's confidence as a linchpin to keep his own composure; to see van Helsing break like this is terrifying to him I think. And he doesn't know what to do about it, can't say anything.

van Helsing's sobs and gasping breaths for control are BRUTAL. SO INCREDIBLE. god and his plea to god. AMAZING

and the music, almost gentle at first but more and more creepy and lingering/ominous as he goes along

the fierce determination as van Helsing insists they will keep fighting

"yet another operation of transfusion of blood." the way Jack says this line I think really brings out a sense of hopeless resignation. He sounds almost sickened at the last word. Everything seems to point to this being useless yet again, but obviously failing to try their utmost isn't even a consideration. He just is losing hope that it can be stopped.

"Again the operation; again the narcotic; again some return of colour to the ashy cheeks, and the regular breathing of healthy sleep." THIS delivery is so excellent. The deep sigh, the resigned tone, the almost bored listing of what was once so agonizing an operation. The way he doesn't linger on Lucy's improvement at all, doesn't even linger on van Helsing's condition. Instead he just kind of sums up that it worked (for now), that van Helsing spoke to Mrs. Westenra, etc. etc.....

"After another hour Lucy waked from her sleep, fresh and bright and seemingly not much the worse for her terrible ordeal." He sounds almost amused, and so exhausted, so sad. She doesn't even know that she has nearly died for a third time. She doesn't know that, as far as he can tell, she will continue on just like this, on and on, nearly dying, barely saved, recovered and cheerful, and then death coming back again, and again, until eventually it cannot be denied any longer...

van Helsing broke down today, but Jack is the one who is most brutally disheartened. He's losing hope, he's becoming almost numb, he's doubting his own mind.

[trojanteapot]

Obligatory Infinity Train Fanfic Plug I Guess

I have some new followers since I posted about my Infinity Train cosplay process so I guess now's a good time to plug my boring overly-long fanfics that are mostly sad and stuff.

SHIPPING FICS

RYMIN:

Ain't No Cure For Love: Ryan and Min-Gi perform their first gig in Montreal. Min-Gi wants to confess his feelings. (First fic I ever wrote probably a bit rough now and the only fic without any sort of theme besides "love wins" i guess) It Can't Be Helped: Takes place in the mid-2000s when Ryan and Min-Gi's band have become quite successful and are touring East Asia. Ryan has some cultural identity issues to overcome at the age of like, 40-something. (This one is much much better than the first Rymin fic, and is about more than just shipping. I did a ton of research into Japanese-Canadians and Korean-Canadians for it as well! Shout-out to my partner for his huge role in shaping this fic as he is Japanese-Canadian himself.)

GRIMON:

Raison d'Etre (PART 1) (PART 2): Post-Canon AU where Simon survives the Train. Grace and Simon spend about 4 years apart from each other living their own lives on Earth, but one day Grace shows up randomly in Quebec to pay Simon a visit. Traumatic wounds get reopened, things get emotional, philosophical, maybe even a little... sociopolitical? Also interspersed between Grace and Simon's little dates are flashbacks to the Train that explain exactly how Simon managed to leave the Train in this AU.

I separated it into two halves because the second half contains smut. However, the second half kind of needs to be read for there to be a complete story. The smut is entirely skippable and doesn't contribute to the overarching plot so I do encourage you to read both halves.

(Also of note is that this takes place not in the "present" but in the past (2018), because I am An Old Person(TM) and so I made Grace and Simon millennials. And I also didn't want to write about the pandemic. It's not that noticeable and you can ignore that timeline fuckery if you want.)

True Love Waits: (VERY VERY CURSED) Sort of not a shipping fic? But Grace gets pregnant here and we all know who the father is! So Grace needs to leave the Train before the baby is born. Canon complacent so Simon is dead. (TW: other than pregnancy there's also thoughts of self-harm and mentions of abortion)

Leave It In My Dreams: Grace's sad nightmare in Alma Mater but from Simon's perspective.

Shame On You, Blue-Eyed Fox: Grace lets her guard down and harassed by a rookie cop. Simon finally makes himself useful for once in his entire life. (TW: real world racism obviously.)

GENERAL FICS

Alma Mater: Post-Canon. Tulip starts college, is very typically Tulip about it, but she befriends an older student named Grace Monroe who helps her through it. However, Tulip comes to learn that she and Grace have more in common than they realized at first. Also Jesse and Lake get thrown into the mix and drama ensues. (Mostly canon complacent except for 1. time period, and 2. Grace is from California, not DC, but her parents work in DC.)

Initial State: A side story to Raison d'Etre. After Simon realizes he's wrong he works with the Cat to bring his number down and leave the Train. But this isn't as easy as he thought especially when he meets a denizen he's recently met before, but never expected to meet again (becausehekilledherlol).

Semi-Automatic Lonely Boy: Prequel to Raison d'Etre. Just a series of vignettes of Simon's life after returning to Earth. (TW: depictions of self-harm) Other than It Can't Be Helped, this is the other fanfic that I am the most proud of so far. Literally went and relearned French to write some of the dialogue in this.

I'll Get It Right Sometime (ongoing): Four years after Book 3, Hazel and Amelia have a pretty decent life on the Train. But this peace is interrupted when Hazel meets a passenger and decides to help him through the Train. How can Amelia keep Hazel safe? Who is this passenger anyway? Why is the Cat so interested in interfering? Why is Simon somehow involved?! Why is JESSE somehow involved?!?!??! (Note: I think Hazel ages normally, so she's 10 years old in this one.) This is also my most ambitious fanfic yet. I have an Entire Homestuck Reference chapter, a Reddit chapter, and I plan to have several Discord chapters.

[kareenvorbarra]

we watched vinland saga s2 ep18 and (discussion of abuse, character death below)

it was really really good overall, though they took some of the most painful manga dialogue out of the ketil and arnheid scene (the "whose slave are you?" bit) - this has happened a few other times with real gut-punch lines from arnheid's scenes and i'm very :/ about it

BUT the interspersing of images from the anime ketil backstory scenes with the beating of arnheid was SO BAD. indescribably bad and cringe, i am truly still a little shocked by it. it was bad enough in the original context - drawing the viewer's attention away from arnheid's plight when she's leaving to treat gardar's wounds - but this??? insinuating that ketil was at least partially driven to this by his sad backstory? even if it's unconvincing (which it is, ketil still absolutely comes off as the worst guy ever) it just feels icky to watch. the only person whose suffering we should care about in this moment is arnheid (who is literally being BEATEN TO DEATH), and drawing any attention away from her is an extremely bad look.

it's offensive, but it's also so much clumsier on a storytelling level and muddles ketil's already very clear motivations in the manga. ketil is already a very complex, well-drawn character - he doesn't need additional justification for this breakdown, and he doesn't need this half-assed attempt to make him seem a tiny bit more sympathetic! he's a man who has everything and is perfectly amiable while his grip on power is secure, but the moment that power is threatened he completely breaks down.

[mixelation]

okay, here it is. four thousand words of the "minato meets fem!deidara" AU i told you not to ask about for a week. nsfw

so, some notes for context: the linked post has the tag "#new AU. minato finds himself in an Icha Icha version of his own life#the main antagonist is his own dick" which i found deeply funny and is what motivated to write the following. i was toying with the idea of not including fem!deidara because it makes the AU stupid complicated. the same time, i am enamoured with the idea of "boobs so powerful they compel the entire universe to switch to porn logic." the end result is that what i have written does not include fem!deidara, but i will include [notes in brackets] to indicate where i'd slot her in.

also, a content warning: the premise here is "minato is dealing with the effects of his entire world turning to porn logic, including his own body." this is therefore a sort of "sex pollen light" AU and the end result is if you think too hard, consent gets a little questionable, including a "sexy nurse" scene where the POV character is like "did a medical professional just trick me into cheating on my wife?" besides that, everyone is an enthusiastically consenting adult

also it's really, really dumb.

****

[NOTE: This is meant to be part of an explanation for fem!Deidara's existence. Yes it does mean it will be possible for her to fuck original flavor Deidara.]

“Mouths?” Jiraiya repeats. “In his hands?”

His informant nods. “Some new bloodline limit, I guess. He uses them in a pretty unique way…”

Jiraiya carefully annotates the new bingo book page with actual intel on this Iwa missing-nin, but his extremely talented writer brain is working overtime with this new information. This is definitely good news for porn fans everywhere. Mouth hands! What a brilliant invention.

Of course, the appeal of Jiraiya’s novels are all the beautiful women he so carefully researches. It’s a shame Deidara, who seems quite attractive based on his bingo book photo, isn’t a woman. 

Oh well, it’s fiction, Jiraiya thinks. Who doesn’t love a hot blonde? I’ll make her busty, with absolutely humongous melons… 

xXx

[NOTE: the rest of this would theoretically be interspersed by Minato meeting fem!Deidara, but actually in going to annotate where those scenes would be, I think maybe it works better if fem!Deidara is introduced later, after all this. But certainly then I'd have to go in and foreshadow her somehow.

Also, I forgot to include any dialogue prefacing that Kushina has suggested they get a third person for hook-ups lol.]

Minato has an extremely good start to his day. Kushina follows him into the shower. “Oh gosh,” she says, her hand wrapping around his dick, “wouldn’t it be such a shame if Hokage-sama was late into the office this morning?”

After his extremely good shower, Minato leaves his beautiful wife to the long process of blow drying her knee-length hair and starts on breakfast. He’s definitely going to be late to his first meeting, but his perfect and sexy wife deserves a hot breakfast.

He has to remind himself not to make enough for three. Naruto had moved out into his very first apartment earlier that month. It’s sad in some ways, but at the same time, Minato is proud of him. Plus, one of the bright sides is… Kushina has been distracting herself from her own complicated feelings about being an empty nester by letting herself be as loud as she wants. 

Minato’s day starts to go downhill while watching his eggs fry. He has some sort of sudden and intense premonition of doom, but it’s… localized to his dick. He frowns down at his pants. The sensation is a new one, and it’s definitely “something bad is about to happen” and not “I’ve hurt myself.” He didn’t know he could have that feeling in that particular organ. And why would he have it? Up until right that second, his dick had been very pleased with the day. 

The feeling fades, and he brushes it off as maybe just some weird symptom of growing older. 

No one complains when he shows up to his first meeting of the day twenty minutes late, because he’s Hokage and he can do what he wants without explanation to anyone. Annoyingly, his dick twitches several times throughout the meeting, and it’s hard to ignore. It’s not a fun little “hey, remember how your hot wife looked pinned up against the shower stall wall?” twitch. It’s also not really painful, but it does put him on edge.  

[NOTE: This is where I was going to introduce fem!Deidara, either as a report or being actually captured and brought to Minato. His dick would have more weird twitches and premonitions of doom.]

Minato goes to the bathroom, and discovers something strange. His dick is… bigger?

It’s not quite “remind yourself not to do a double-take on the dude in the next urinal” big. But it’s definitely longer and thicker than it was this morning. 

Should he talk to his medic? Or would he just sound absurd? He’s never heard of something like this happening. Maybe he’s imagining things��

He asks Kushina to take a look in the evening. 

“Yeah, it’s definitely bigger,” she says, blinking down at it. Minato had expected some degree of concern at the medical mystery, but instead she stares down at it in keen interest. “Let’s try it out.”

“No,” Minato yelps, recoiling from her hand. “What if it’s… I don’t know, a disease?”

Kushina makes a highly skeptical look. “A makes-your-dick-bigger disease? Please.”

Minato wakes the next morning with the worst morning wood he’s had since his teens. He’s so hard it hurts, but he immediately forgets that when he actually sees himself. His dick is noticeably bigger than it was when he went to bed, and he wakes Kushina in a panic. She is, again, not at all sympathetic to Minato’s anxiety. 

“But I can take care of it for you,” Kushina says, staring down at his erection longingly. Like before, she reaches for him. 

“We need to make sure it’s okay,” Minato insists, then has to roll off the bed entirely to dodge his wife’s grabby hands. 

“So you’re going to go into the doctor’s full mast?” Kushina says, following him off the bed. Minato teleports to the other side of the room to dodge her, his anxiety about the situation steadily increasing. Why is Kushina acting like this?

“I’ll…” he flounders. This problem is so embarrassing. It doesn’t hurt, exactly, apart from being so hard it’s painful. He’s not sure he can make it long enough to tell his personal medic he needs a house call and then wait. 

Kushina comes around the side of the bed, her hands still reaching for him. He’s definitely not going to make it if he also has to fend his mysteriously horny wife off. 

“I’ll take care of it myself,” Minato decides, catching Kushina’s wrists in his hands. 

“Can I watch, at least?” Kushina asks, pouting. 

Minato is still confused by her attitude, but he doesn’t see how just watching that could… hurt…?

He decides to aim into the toilet, and Kushina sits on the side of the tub and touches herself while he does it. He finds this a bit weird, because Kushina has never been into mutual masturbation before, and also why is she trying to engage him sexually when he’s clearly upset and maybe has some sort of disease?

“You can come on my face,” she tells him earnestly. 

“No!” Minato replies. What is with her?

Still. He likes watching her, underneath all his worry about his own health. Kushina’s faces and little moans are… good. They’re really good. He likes them. 

Orgasming at least feels normal. Better than usual, even, especially given he doesn’t also have the dopamine hit of Kushina being the one to graciously help him. In fact, given how upset he was about the whole thing, he has no idea why it feels so good. It’s good enough that he can’t hold back a few guttural noises as he unloads. 

“Oh, oh!” Kushina cries, joining him. 

Minato feels oddly serene as he gets dressed and teleports into Hokage’s Tower, his anxiety temporarily completely evaporating. He tells his secretary to rearrange his morning schedule, and then heads down to his personal medic’s office. 

Medic Ayumi steps into the room in a white nurse’s dress. This is strange, because Ayumi is a medical ninja and not a nurse, and the civilian equivalent of her title would be ‘doctor’ anyway. It is also strange because the nurse’s uniform is tighter and has a shorter skirt than Minato remembers. 

“I see,” Ayumi says, very professional in tone, after Minato sheepishly describes his problem. “I hope you find some relief in knowing this is a common problem many men face.”

“Really?” Minato asks. He’s definitely never heard of this. Maybe general shinobi sex ed needs to be updated…

“Yes,” Ayumi says, opening Minato’s file in her lap and adjusting her glasses that Minato doesn’t remember her wearing before. “Why do you think we take measurements on all adult shinobi’s penises?”

“You do?” Minato asks. He doesn’t remember anyone ever measuring him. Is that really in his medical file?

“The condition tends to happen to younger men,” Ayumi continues, stopping her leafing to run her finger down a page of Minato’s file, “but given you’ve remained highly sexually desirable into your forties, it was only a matter of time.”

“What?” Minato asks, because none of those words made sense. 

“I have your previous measurements,” Ayumi says, closing the folder and standing. “Please remove your pants and underwear for a physical examination.”

Minato complies. As he pulls off his pants, Ayumi snaps on a pair of black latex gloves, her glasses lenses shining in the harsh overhead of the examination room. 

Ayumi measures his dick with a ruler, nodding to herself. Then she says, “For confirmation, I will also have to measure it erect.”

“Um,” Minato says. “Okay?”

She has a tube of lube on her cart of medical supplies in the room, and Minato watches in some trepidation as she squirts some into her gloved hand. He didn’t realize doctors did stuff like this. But he guesses, given the circumstances, it makes sense…?

Minato sits on the examination table while Ayumi strokes him, gentle but firm, her hands easily sliding over him with the help of the lube. Her glasses glint in the lights again as she looks him in the face. 

“Have you had any pain?” she asks, and Minato attempts to explain what a feeling of dread constrained entirely to your dick feels like, along with the twitching. 

Then he says, because she is still going and he is very obviously erect now, “Uh, I think you can measure it now…”

Ayumi picks up her ruler with her free hand but does not stop pumping him. Minato stares down at her hand around him as she measures him, and he wonders vaguely if this counts as cheating. It does, in fact, feel devastatingly good, even if Minato is weirded out by the whole situation.

Given Kushina’s mood lately, Minato thinks, she’ll just want Ayumi-san as our third when I tell her…

“Have you had performance issues?” Ayumi asks, not stopping her hand. 

“Well, no,” Minato says. “I had sex with my wife yesterday morning, before we noticed anything. And I… took care of myself… this morning with no problem. Is it, um… safe? To do that?”

“Of course it’s safe,” Ayumi says, not missing a beat with her hand’s steady pattern. “Have you noticed any change in the ejaculate?”

“No?” Minato says, suddenly feeling unsure. “This morning there might have been��more?”

He hadn’t really been paying attention to that, not when Kushina was making eyes at him. 

Ayumi nods, as if this is to be expected. “What about orgasm intensity and length?”

“Uh,” Minato hedges. It had been good, but he doesn’t like… time himself? “Normal…? Can you, maybe, stop touching me, please?”

Ayumi pauses, and Minato almost regrets telling her to stop. His dick feels like it jumps in her hand the shock of her letting go. 

“I can stop if you want,” Ayumi says gravely, and her glasses flash a third time. “But you should know that a proper diagnosis requires I observe you at full climax, as well as take a sample.”

That still doesn’t sound quite right, but Minato isn’t a medic-nin. 

“O-oh,” Minato says. “I mean, I guess, if it’s medically necessary…”

“I will proceed then,” Ayumi replies. To Minato's utter confusion, she drops to her knees before him. “I will use my bloodline limit. It allows me to chemically analyze anything that I swallow.”

“You… what?” Minato asks, and then gasps embarrassingly when she takes his head into her mouth. 

Oh, this definitely feels like cheating, Minato thinks, squirming uncomfortably as Ayumi wraps her hand around the base of his dick and then swallows him up to the back of her throat. But I also need to know what’s wrong…

Minato frets about how guilty this makes him feel, even if it’s technically a medical exam and not cheating, while Ayumi gives him a truly fantastic blowjob. When he comes, she swallows him up as much as she can while he grips the edges of the exam table and tries very hard not to cry out from how fucking good it feels. 

Ayumi swallows and stands. She wipes off her mouth with the back of her gloved hand. 

“You have progressive penile enlargement,” she says, “commonly known as Big Dick Disease.”

“That is not a real thing,” Minato objects. That sounds like something Jiraiya would make up for his porn novels. 

In fact, that might be a thing Jiraiya made up for his porn novels. Minato hasn’t read them in a while. 

“It’s quite real, and very serious,” Ayumi says gravely. “You said you have regular sexual relations with your wife? That’s good. My medical recommendation is bringing yourself to full orgasm at least twice a day, preferably with a partner.”

“What kind of a recommendation is that?” Minato asks. Twice a day?

“It’s your medical treatment,” Ayumi says. “If you neglect it, the prognosis for Big Dick Disease is steady growth until your penis will simply explode. This growth can only be quelled by consistent sexual stimulation. If your wife is inadequate, you may come to me and--”

“You’re pranking me,” Minato decides. He suddenly feels hurt and angry. Ayumi had been his and his family’s dedicated medic for years. He’d trusted her, and now she’d tricked him into cheating on his wife with such a ridiculous story?

Ayumi just raises her eye brows. “Get a second opinion, then, or look it up. With all due respect, Hokage-sama, I find it surprising you’ve never heard of it, and I’m a bit offended you’re doubting my medical expertise and motives.”

Minato does go ask for a second opinion, right then and there, and the male medic he goes to offers a “prostate massage for sample collection.” 

What is happening? Minato thinks, now at full mast again and terrified of somehow being tricked into cheating on Kushina twice in one day. He teleports right out of the examination room, has to take a detour back home to jerk himself off, and then goes and looks up “progressive penile enlargement” in every medical book he can find. 

I guess I owe Ayumi an apology, Minato says, feeling lightheaded, when it’s in every single book. 

He breaks the news to Kushina over dinner. He makes all her favorite foods for her, as he also admits to Ayumi giving him a blow job, and to getting hard under the other medic’s hand as well. He apologizes profusely. 

“I mean it was medically necessary,” Kushina says, immediately accepting his apology without any fuss. “I think I’ve heard of Big Dick Disease… is that the one you treat by having crazy sex all the time?”

“Uh, I don’t think it has to be crazy,” Minato says. “Wait, you’ve heard of it?”

“Yeah, I think they mentioned it in kunoichi class,” Kushina answers, pulling her big bowl of homemade ramen towards her. “With all the sex ed stuff, you know? I guess it’s been so long I forgot about it until just now. It’s not like I have to worry about anyone’s dick but yours.”

Minato is deeply confused by this, because he is in fact a genius or whatever, and his recall for even things as long ago as the academy is pretty good. He’s definitely never heard of this disease, except as some sort of running  joke in the background of an Icha Icha novel. One of the medical books he’d consulted was a field guide for jounin he’d read all the way through at least twice, and the section on Big Dick Disease definitely hadn’t been there before. 

As Minato is lost in thought, Kushina continues to babble through a mouthful of ramen. “Oh, but if we do get a third, maybe I will get a second dick to worry about. We definitely have to get a third now, you know, for your treatment. Do you have a preference? I could go both ways…”

Minato doesn’t see why he can’t just learn to get really fast at pleasuring himself for when Kushina isn’t available or doesn’t want to, but he’d told Kushina previously that he’d think about the threesome thing, and he does like the idea of Kushina getting to explore herself sexually and him getting to watch it. His new… problem… definitely makes him engaging in a threesome himself more practical, even if he really doesn’t have interest in anyone but Kushina. 

Later in bed, Kushina giggles over his dick like a schoolgirl. He’s instantly hard at her touch, so fast and intense that he gasps and feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes. 

“Ooooh,” Kushina giggles, wrapping her hand around its girth and then running it up and down his shaft’s length. Her touch makes him shudder. “It’s so big now, what the fuck.” 

She plays with it, clearly having fun. A bead of precum forms at Minato’s tip, and she looks incredibly pleased as she wipes it away with her thumb. 

“Did you think I was small before?” Minato asks, teasing. He knows she didn’t. 

Kushina looks up at him, eyes dark with lust, and Minato’s dick twitches in her fingers. He has the sudden urge to bury himself as deeply as he can in her, to let Kushina completely envelop him, firm and so so tight around him. 

“Of course not,” Kushina replies. “But I’ve always wanted to know what it would be like, with a huge, throbbing cock inside me.”

Minato really wants to pounce on her, to thrust himself inside her right then and there. But also he has no idea what he’s working with now. It seems more comfortable for Kushina if she takes the lead. His dick is so unbelievably hard right now, he might come just from her hand sitting there on top of him. 

He warns her as much, just in case he actually does come two minutes later, like back when they were teenagers. 

“Ooh,” Kushina coos, not in the least turned off by this admission. “Then I’ll get to feel your hot cum all over my face and tits, like I wanted this morning. and you wouldn't let me have.”

"Kushina," Minato whines. "Unfair."

She smirks at him, teasing.

Kushina turns her attention back to his erection in her hands. Minato is on his back, propped up against pillows, while Kushina sits between his legs. 

“How did the doctor do it?” Kushina asks, and Minato winces. 

“I wasn’t into it,” he says. 

Kushina hums, and her hand pumps him devastatingly slowly, all casual and gentle. 

“I was thinking, you know,” she says. “I’m okay with you having sex with other people without me, if you need to. You just have to tell me about it later, in detail.”

Minato’s face goes red, but he stutters out a summary of his encounter with Ayumi. 

“Not like that,” Kushina interrupts him. “I’m not asking you to apologize. Tell me like you’re telling me a sexy story. Say what she was wearing, if she looked sexy.”

Minato describes the tiny nurse’s dress, the way the black gloves had snapped onto her fingers. He doesn’t bother to comment on how strange he’d found the dress, as Kushina is clearly into hearing about how hot the woman who’d pleasured her husband looked. 

“And did you get hard?” Kushina asks, clearly excited by the idea, the speed of her hand on him increasing. 

“Not until she touched me,” Minato replies. “She said she had to measure me…” He reminds himself the point here is to turn Kushina on, not ask if she knew Konoha kept records of everyone’s penis length. “She had to measure me, every centimeter, while I was completely erect.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Kushina says. “After all, I want to know exactly how much I’m going to take in. But how shall I measure you…?”

Kushina puts both hands on him now. Then she brings herself forward and carefully inserts his dick between her breasts. She has to push him forward a little to get the angle right. Then she massages her breasts, pleasuring herself while simultaneously pressing over and rubbing on Minato’s dick. 

“Oh, you feel so much bigger than before,” she sighs. It takes every ounce of Minato mental strength to not just thrust against her as she moves up and down slightly. His dick looks fantastic sandwiched between her soft breasts, poking out from the top. “I’m so wet right now, just feeling you like this, Minato. Tell me more about Ayumi-sensei.”

Minato tells his story about the blowjob, too entranced by Kushina’s look of pleasure at having his dick between her tits to spare a thought for the ridiculousness of the “swallowing for chemical analysis” bloodline limit. Kushina then says she’ll measure his dick with her mouth next, then, and swallows him up. 

There’s definitely a much larger portion of his dick that Kushina can’t fit in her mouth now, and the observation both makes Minato feel weird and also makes his dick ache with desire. Kushina looks so sexy, with her red hair spilling over her shoulders and across his thighs, her pink lips wrapped around him. She pumps him with her hand while her head goes up and down, rolling her eyes up to look at him, just like he likes. 

Usually, Minato would put his hands on her head while she did this, playing with her hair or just enjoying the rhythm on her. But tonight he’s so desperately hard for her, so eager to just get inside of her, that when he reaches for her hair, he has the sudden fantasy of shoving himself into her, thrusting himself in and out of her as he holds her head down. 

It’s definitely a fantasy he’s had before and talked to her about, and he knows she doesn’t like it. So instead, he very carefully brushes his fingers over her face, tucking her hair behind her ears. 

“Harder,” he breathes out, “please?”

Kushina increases her pace, tightening her hand around him slightly. 

“You’re beautiful,” he tells her. Kushina knows just how he likes this, how to move her tongue and mouth to drive him nuts, and this at least hasn’t been changed. “You’re so sexy right.”

Eventually, she lets him go. 

“You’re always so well behaved for me,” she teases. “I think I’ll measure you one more time.”

Kushina climbs on top of him and lowers herself over him, guiding him towards her with her hand. She looks a little unsure when his tip first meets her opening, but she doesn’t hesitate. Kushina never hesitates when she’s decided she wants something. 

He can feel himself stretching her out as he enters her, and Kushina lets out a whimper, her lips turning up even as her mouth falls open. Minato’s brain explodes from pleasure the second his tip is inside her. Kushina is so fucking tight around him, her walls closing in around every millimeter of his length with an absoluteness her hands and mouth simply lack. She’s wet and slick and comes down over his length easily but painfully slow. Minato can’t help but thrust his hips upward, desperate to get as far inside of her as he can. 

Kushina moans at his thrust, leaning forward and digging her nails into his chest. He does it again and she cries out his name. 

“Fuck, Minato,” she breathes. “Fuck me. Fuck me now.”

Kushina feels so good on top of him, with her weight pressing her down over him. He’d been worried about the longer length giving her a problem, but he’s in her up to his base, and he holds her hips and bounces her up and down, watching his own length go in and out. Above him, her lips part as she moans out his name, her boobs bouncing with every move of his hips. 

“Harder,” she demands. “Fuck me harder.”

He flips them over. They’ve done this so many times, are so in tune with each other, that Kushina’s legs automatically lock around his hips, keeping him inside of her as they roll. It’s easier to thrust into her as hard as he wants now, and Minato pounds into her over and over. Kushina screams out his name, nails scraping down his back. 

Kushina’s eyes roll back when she comes, her walls tightening around him. Her face looks positively drunk with ecstasy, and the sight is what sends him over the edge. She keeps her legs around him as he comes, so he spills inside of her, filling her up, his own cum hot and sticky around his dick, spilling out over Kushina and dribbling down her. 

Minato isn’t sure if their mutual orgasm lasts longer than normal, or if Kushina just looks so hot that it feels longer. But she clings to him for what feels like forever, her head tossed back and her whole body shaking at how good Minato was making her feel.

They cuddle when they’re done, Kushina’s back to his chest. He kisses the tops of her shoulders. He’s never felt more in love with her. 

“I haven’t titty fucked you in a while,” Kushina murmurs at some point. “God, what if we got a third with just the hugest tits, like really big ones, and I got to watch your new ginormous cock fuck them?” Then, fulfilling Minato’s earlier prediction, she asks, “How big are Ayumi-sensei’s boobs?”

When they’ve cleaned up fully and after Kushina has fallen asleep, Minato finally lets his brain make the analysis he’s been ignoring. Kushina had clearly enjoyed herself immensely-- and she would never fake feeling good when she didn’t-- but it wasn’t consistent with things she’s said before. They’d watched porn together a few times, and Kushina had always made fun of any dick that seemed too big to her, saying things like, “There’s no way that thing feels good. She’s definitely a good actress!” She’d also made fun of a handful of scenes in the various Icha Icha books, where the prose described comically large penises, and then at all the times it lingered on what she called “cock worship.”

Then again, after one of her rants, she’d also reached over and patted Minato on the groin and said, “Oh, but I’d spare some worship for my dick.” Maybe she’d decided it was hot after all, now that such a dick was attached to Minato. Maybe all her comments were her covering up that she’d secretly wanted Minato have a giant dick all along. 

(Minato doubted that last option. If Kushina wanted a specific type of dick, she’d go buy a toy. She’d done it before.)

I’ll ask her tomorrow, Minato decides. That Kushina had been satisfied was what was important. 

Oh, but, he supposes maybe he’ll have to start to remember to actively chase his own orgasm. At the beginning of their marriage, Kushina had told him off more than once for not communicating in the moment what he wanted done, saying that she obviously felt at her best and sexiest when she got to do things for him and see him orgasm. Kushina was so good at taking care of him, it was hardly an issue nowadays, but… 

But, well. Obviously he doesn’t want his dick to explode.

****

[Consider: the inherent narrative tension between Deidara wanting Minato's dick, but also want to see it explode.......]

completely stupid fic incoming

[womgi]

Thoughts about worldbuilding

Worldbuilding is a complex process, because worlds are complex things. Hell, people are complex things and its hard enough just getting enough words to get any one person right, never mind a whole world.

But that's the challenge, and more importantly the fun. A painter can put brush to canvas, letting the complex interplay of brush and surface, paint and movement and a hundred other things coalesce into a grand creation, a fragment of creation perfectly preserved into a still frame.

A writer however is bound by having too many choices. Whether that writer is just expressing through plain lines of text, or through audio, or with pictures interspersed between the whispering stalks of written words, they all have an infinity of choice to put just the write words in just the write order to create a magic that cannot be matched. Language is communication, the art of transferring information, an idea, a revelation and a million other things to another. Real, imagined or both, it doesn't matter to the canvas that is the world to a skilled writer. A writer writes, and the world holds their breath. And a story is nothing more than a dream manifest, blurring the lines of imagination and reality of a boy, a girl, a land, a ship, and maybe a rock even! A story in in the end just a journey, to carry a reader from this world to another, and allow them to return, all the better for their time there.

But stories do not exist in a vacuum. Like the painter needs a canvas, stories need worldbuilding. My beloved fanfiction is all about worldbuilding, turning the original story into an almost entirely different but still believable world, carrying you to a similar but different world, allowing you to enjoy the same world, the same characters, but with a new story! A different story! A story that you don't already know the answer to!

And for a writer, worldbuilding is that canvas, that framework into which a story fits, what makes it work, what makes even the most fantastical thing....real.

Admittedly, all that waffle I just wrote means nothing to many writers. There have been plenty of people who wrote and got rich off poorly written stories that have plot holes larger than the planet they live on. No, worldbuilding is a very much ignored exercise, making writers that write stories as if they are making jenga towers out of marbles. At some point if the writer has any dignity or shame, those stories will die, incomplete and forgotten. Or worse, they will stay alive because of fan service, and harem shenanigans! and worse!

But nonetheless, its a fun thing isn't it? At least I think so. You are creating a world after all. You can put anything into it. It just needs to make sense. You can be like some, making it up as the story goes along, inadvisable as that seems. Or you can be like some others, building a world until you have mapped out every tiny square cm of setting in the fanatical charge to avoiding plot holes, ending up avoiding writing the actual story altogether.

Better is the enemy of good.

Unfortunately, I am in the last category, driven by this obsessive compulsion to avoid plot holes and do due diligence before I even begin writing chapters.

It's why I got into this conlang business after all.

It's the rabbit hole at the end of the rabbit hole. The sad abyss that pouts at me in this toxic relationship with literal creative paranoia.

But I shall stay strong! I shall begin my story!

....as soon as I finish another 1500 words for my lexicon of course. Its just common sense to be prepared. I just got to be ready for anything in the twenty odd lines of dialogue I'll end up using in the whole story.

[johaerys-writes]

Writing Tag Game

I was tagged by @noire-pandora @midnightprelude @mogwaei @serial-chillr @faerieavalon @pinkfadespirit @inquisitoracorn and @in-arlathan thank you so much! :)

How many works do you have on Ao3?

On my main Ao3 blog: 23! I also have a second blog where I post works set in the Dragon Age-inspired Modern AU I've been writing with @oftachancer , featuring my OC Tristan Trevelyan and her OC Aran Trevelyan, as well as a few others of our OCs. There are 5 works there at the moment. You can check them out here: jo_writes

What's your total Ao3 wordcount?

On my main blog, 516,722 words. On my second blog, 193,953 words, but the majority of it is co-written with @oftachancer .

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

High-Flying Birds: 589 kudos (TSOA)

Where Blood Roses Bloom: 467 kudos (Castlevania)

Winter's Fruit: 424 kudos (TSOA)

Like Friends Do: 410 kudos (TSOA)

Memories and Echoes: 327 kudos (TSOA)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always!! I don't think there's a single comment I've ever received that I've left unanswered. I just love talking with my readers and screeching in my replies. I often wonder whether I come across as a tiny bit insane or overly enthusiastic, but you know what? I am both, so who cares 😂 I just appreciate every single person that has taken the time to read and comment on my works, and I want to make sure they know JUST HOW MUCH 

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I honestly don't think that many of my stories have an angsty ending? Most of them end on a hopeful or at least bittersweet note, I think. I'm pretty sure the only ones I've written that have sad endings were those in my Hector/Carmilla series, You Always Hurt The Ones You Love (CV) which were kind of dark and depressing anyway. 

Playground Love, the fic I've written with @oftachancer featuring our OCs Tristan and Aran ends on an angsty note, but things do get better in the next installment, Never Let Me Go, so I suppose I am a little allergic to angsty endings XD

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

The Stars Will Guide Us Home (TSOA, Modern AU) has a super soft and fluffy ending, and Fall Into Your Tide (TSOA, Merman AU) will have a happy ending too.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written? 

I've written a Witcher/Dragon Age crossover, Viper In Tall Grass, where Tristan is a witcher and Dorian a Nilfgardian mage which I thoroughly enjoyed! Also, one of the first long fics I ever finished was a Witcher/Wheel of Time crossover, which I think is genuinely the most... imaginative thing I've written 😂 I never posted it and don't think I will, but I still love it to bits and I'm super proud of myself for writing it. 

Have you ever received hate on a fic? 

Kind of? It wasn't directed at me personally (I don't think) but at one of the main characters of the fic. Perhaps it was referring to the way I'd written the particular character, I truly can't say, it was a little vague. It takes a lot to offend me, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I honestly think I would have been less offended if the person had criticised my writing rather than the character lol. I just don't take any shit when it comes to the characters I love. They're PERFECT, okay? How dare you come into my house and badmouth them 😂 RUDE

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell YEAH! I love writing smut, it's great. As to what kind, I think that porn with feelings describes it really well. The smut I write tends to get emotional real quick, even when I intended for it to be straight up porn, so I guess there's no hope for me, hah. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. 

Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Yes, High-Flying Birds has been translated into Vietnamese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! With oftachancer, two novel-length fics (Playground Love and Never Let Me Go), as well as a few other WIPs that haven't been posted yet, and I'm currently working on a multi-chap fic with my friendo @in-arlathan , featuring Dorian/Tristan and Solas with her Elenara Lavellan, which I'm so excited about! I've also brainstormed and goblined-out over a couple projects with @mogwaei !!  I love co-writing, it's so fun :)

What's your all time favourite ship?

Oooh, that's a tough one. I'm super biased in that the ships I love are those I write (both canon and OC pairings) but if you held a gun to my head and asked me to choose I would probably have to say... Dorian/Tristan and Achilles/Patroclus? AAH this is too hard ;w;

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I do plan on finishing all of the WIPs I am currently working on. I have a lot of writing ideas that I don't think I'll ever get around to, but when I actually start writing something I tend to commit till the end.

What are your writing strengths?

Descriptions, introspection and angsty/emotional scenes I think are my favourite things to write. I also enjoy writing fight scenes a little too much (and judging by the feedback I receive on them people seem to enjoy them too, heh). Lastly, I've been told that the characters I write are complex and fleshed out and that my pacing is good, and that's honestly the best praise for me.

What are you writing weaknesses?

I struggle quite a lot with self doubt and perfectionism. I worry a lot about how my work will be perceived and whether it's good enough. I often agonise over small details or paragraphs/sentences, to the point where I sometimes post just so I stop myself from going back and editing indefinitely. I have thousands upon thousands of words in deleted scenes because "they weren't quite right" or I changed a tiny bit and the rest didn't fit. So. You get the idea 😅 (Now, how I manage to read through everything multiple times before posting yet still get typos... welp)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Hmm, I have to say that I do like it when there are foreign words interspersed through the narrative if the story isn't set in an English speaking world or if the characters speak a different language, but I'm not a huuuge fan of seeing a big chunk of dialogue in a foreign language without immediate translation or a hovering text. It kind of breaks the immersion for me and I tend to avoid it generally in my own writing.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Dragon Age, and specifically DAI! That game never gets old for me.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

It's impossible for me to pick just one so I'm going to cheat and choose a few. I absolutely love my current WIPs: High-Flying Birds, Where Blood Roses Bloom and A World With You, and the freaking epic-length fics I've written with @oftachancer . They haven't always been easy to write (especially AWWY, which has the most intricate plot & character development) but I'm so proud of them and I've learned so much while writing them. Of my finished stories, The Stars Will Guide Us Home is hands down one of my all time faves. It had been on my mind for several months before I actually wrote it, and I poured so much of my heart into it. I still get emotional when I go back to reread it, not gonna lie! Lastly, At The Water's Edge (TSOA) is very dear to me and I often go back for rereads. 

I'm tagging forth to (no pressure!): @fancytrinkets @elveny @glimmerofgold @asiriushoe @juliafied @boshtet-juggler @schattengerissen @dafan7711 @tessa1972 @fandomn00blr @pikapeppa and anyone else who would like to join!

[umbreix]

Starting off with the introduction to Erika and baby Kirika! I do love the reasons that they became friends, they're ones I can connect to from when I was a kid. I remember that people would find all sorts of little reasons to relate to others, to the point that I knew like five people called Sam who all became friends just because they had the same name.

It's adorable to see the two of them back when they were just two friends getting along, even as it's interspersed with Kirika's judgemental dialogue about herself. Simple reasons are sometimes enough to get to know someone but Kirika... well...

With what we see of her interactions with people before her wish in the other mangas, Kirika does have a lot of struggles connection with others. From her calling herself "a good mimic" to one of her classmates noting that "before, you gave off this aura that kept people from getting close."

She wants to be a different person, to change, in part because of her struggles to reach out to others. (That's not the end all be all of Kirika's feelings but it is one component).

...In true me fashion I ended up going on a tangent that resulted in me rereading part of Sadness Prayer. What a start!

[danaris112]

THIS IS REALLY GOOD WHAT

(Rant incoming)

So, first off, I just love how you portrayed Regulus' feelings, especially in regards to his family. He knows they're horrible people, he knows he's being abused and he doesn't love them, not really. But he also wants to make them proud and wants to be loved by them. And you can see this conflict in the way he handles Sirius coming back to the house, since on the one hand, he is angry at Sirius and wants him to leave, but on the other, he wishes that Sirius had asked him to leave with him before.

And SIRIUS. I just felt so bad for him. Like, the fic was from Reg's POV so we didn't see Sirius' but I can just imagine what he felt. Like how he got himself out of a bad situation and now that he's started to heal he's able to take care of Regulus now, too, which is why he goes back for him. And while he got angry at Regulus, too, he was also just sad, and that broke my heart. I love how you wrote him and just how even if his own feelings and conflict weren't as front and center as Regulus', you could still kind of see what was going on in his head and how he felt about the whole situation.

And Walburga's characterization was so well done, even if she barely appeared. As someone whose mother is basically a Walburga kin, it was honestly kind of chilling to recognize that she was only saying she loves Regulus and praising him to manipulate him. And her crying and saying that Regulus was all she had felt VERY familiar. Basically, it was just really good and it added even more to Regulus' internal conflict, because while he's aware she is abusive, he also doesn't seem to fully realize how she's manipulating him and emotionally abusing him (which I don't blame him for, it's so difficult to recognize the signs especially when you're experiencing it)

And the writing itself was just really good. I loved the flow of the dialogue and how it was interspersed with Regulus recalling certain memories and the exploration of his feelings. It was a good balance, and the last line? It just felt like the final nail in the coffin for Regulus, and literally left me with a feeling of dread. So that was really well done too

And the line "kindly step away from me. You reek of self righteousness and I fear it will seep into the house". That made me cackle

Heyyyy Marauders fandom!

so I haven't posted on ao3 since fuck knows when, BUT!

I just threw together a little black brothers andddddd... yall should read it?? Maybe??

I think it's pretty good but yano, it might be garbage who knows??

[nadsdraws]

Fic Writer Tag

Ahhh, I've always wanted to do this! Thank you @mirach, it's very kind you thought of me ❤️

How many works do you have on AO3?

18! (Wow, that's more than I thought.)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

193,583 (Also shocking)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Good Omens only 🙈 (unless you're counting Slow Show ficverse as a separate fandom!)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Blow Out All the Candles [E], 35k

A Victorian era story, where Crowley is a sex worker. Aziraphale shows up one day at his brothel's doorstep. Both have a lot of secrets they don't want to share (but they will).

Rude Notes [E], 3k

My re-imagining of the Bastille scene (with a few extra scenes), interspersed with Crowley's punishment for using one too many miracles. (My first explicit fic).

Until [T], 7k

Retelling of Kate & Leopold. Aziraphale is an inventor who travels into the future, where Crowley is just fresh out of a breakup.

Warlock (or How I Met Your Father) [M]

Full story of 'Warlock', which was the main show Avery and Crowley from the famous Slow Show played in 😅 I got obsessed with it for a looong while.

I Walked with you Once Upon a Dream [E], 2k

My second explicit fic 😅 Follow up to Magic of Christmas, where Crowley is a famous pianist and Aziraphale a failed composer. One year later Aziraphale is still proving to Crowley it wasn't all just a dream.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! I aspire to answer to all of them:)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Liturgy of the Hours [M] (I'm an angst lover and I'm not afraid of sad endings). Aziraphale is a priest, Crowley left seminary long ago. A meeting after years and a sad ending (but with a fix-it follow up I've written later on).

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not usually. The closest I've got is a sort of A Star is Born AU - In the Shallow. Crowley is a demisexual, genderfluid singer who is trying to navigate his new relationship with his manager Aziraphale. Probably the most personal thing I've written.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really. I've received some weird comments, but nothing openly hateful.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Uh oh, I do... the one with the plot kind. 😅

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of !

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, hasn't happened yet.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! And I absolutely loved it every time! There is nothing better than that mutual inspiration and bouncing ideas off each other 😀 I'm always open for collabs !

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Aziraphale/Crowley (obviously). I do have a soft spot for Crowley/Lucifer though...

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

At this point? Too many 😩 My architects AU doesn't seem to be getting any closer to completion, so I'm not sure what's going to happen with it. I also have a couple of darkfics that might never get posted.

What are your writing strengths?

I like to think it's dialogue 😅 I've been told it's introspection and describing emotions.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Scene descriptions. I can get quite far before I realise I never mentioned any of the surroundings. More often than not I add them on my last edits.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

My very personal preference is to understand what is being said, but a few words thrown in here and there don't bother me:)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Good Omens 😅

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Oooh, tough question! It probably is Blow Out All the Candles, because of how much I learned about Victorian time period, how much research I've done and how easy and fun it was to write it! I've also received overwhelmingly positive response to it and some of the comments moved me to tears.

Gosh, that was long! But also fun, congrats if you've managed to read all of that xD

I'm tagging @infinitevariety @wargoddess9 @tawnyontumblr No pressure of course:)

[sun-startle]

hello i have returned, opinion on asterrain? :00 (also any constructive criticism on how i could write them better would be amazing 🙏 /lh)

YESS Loki welcome back !!!

Okay okay

Asterrain, to me, is a very sweet cat. That’s like their primary personality trait I think? They’re very friendly towards others, compassionate to cats and animals alike, and have a habit of getting down on themselves instead of projecting their anger outwards. …Is what I have gathered :P

I don’t have a super strong opinion on Asterrain because Fidgetfire has interacted with them about never, but they seem nice! My attention is usually gripped more by cats with very strong-slash-abrasive personalities — which is a me thing, not an Asterrain’s writing thing haha!

In terms of writing them, though, I’d maybe put a bit more focus into solidifying their character traits or giving them a few that are a little stronger. Nice is fine, compassionate is fine, but it can feel a bit vague in long-form roleplays. What is Asterrain absolutely unwilling to compromise on? What are their words traits that may make someone argue with them? What are their core standards and principles, and could they ever be convinced to deviate from them?

It’s also worth considering how a character acts when they’re facing the public. Fidgetfire, for example, is generally a very bouncy cat on the inside, but she’s super loathe to let anyone know on the rare occasion that she’s feeling down. On the contrary, she’s perfectly willing to tell others when she needs help under any other circumstance. Crowswoop is a cat who’s almost entirely the opposite in that way, he lets others see that he’s sad but feels like a burden when he asks for help.

I can’t exactly pin down where Asterrain stands on those sorts of fronts, though — which again, may be because I don’t read their roleplays a lot! It’s still worth considering though :P

Another thing that’s important to keep in mind is character voice. How do they think and how do they speak? Characters who are shyer will tend towards using modifiers (“I think” “A bit” “Maybe”), whereas confident characters will say things firmly (“It is”). Characters who are formal will use longer words and less contractions. Some characters ramble, some characters have clipped sentences. Dialogue, outer and inner, can be disjointed or well-constructed, and it is a matter of character as well as how they are feeling.

Fidgetfire tends to get distracted halfway through an idea, she goes on tangents and sometimes repeats words and phrases. She uses longer and shorter words interspersed in the same sentence and uses contractions, usually.

Another another thing (sorry!) is body language. I usually stick to the same general body movements for a character to commonly use: Fidgetfire wraps her tail around her paws, lashes her tail, pins her ears back, and sinks her claws into the ground. Obviously she can do other things, but if it’s a choice between two options I go with the more common one. Characters can fall on a spectrum of hyperactive/fidgety to still and composed, and the more calm your character is the less they should move, and the less big movements they should make (vice versa obviously for fidgety characters).

In conclusion uhhh Asterrain is super sweet and I am of the opinion that they are a good cat! To write them better I would recommend solidifying and exaggerating their character traits and thinking about how they think, speak and move :)

TYSM for the second ask Loki !! <33

[zahra-hydris]

okay so I finished inevitable excess and (spoilers, obv)

I didn’t hate it but I’m pretty damn disappointed by it

sometimes I think owlcat doesn’t quite get what’s so good about their games: story, companions, immersion. all three were weak here.

the latter one, I guess, is by design, since the whole ‘twist’ is that you’re not really your commander at all but the excess mythic power given their form and memories. you also get a whole bunch of ‘what if’ mythic quests which was fun in seeing some of the alternative paths, but also just kind of helped to further dismiss the actual choices you did make during the game and none of them were very in-depth (the angel one is laughably brief and unsatisfying). ultimately, damaia didn’t feel like damaia, except for a couple of minor dialogue choices (including being kind of heartless to her LI - sorry lann).

meanwhile, inevitable excess’ story is a) far too short, b) way too small a component of the actual dlc (I swear you spent 10 minutes in story and the rest is just wave after wave of enemies interspersed by jumping between platforms), and c) not well done for what there is. I actually kind of like the story concept. but there’s no depth to the execution. it felt like a needless AU of the base game.

in addition, the companions have a couple of lines (LI gets a special one before the end), one campfire dialogue (what they think about the ~revelation~), and... nothing else. they felt absent for most of the dlc.

meanwhile, what’s replacing this story/companion goodness? COMBAT and PUZZLES. I don’t hate either, but goddamn did they stuff this dlc full of it. tbh most of the ‘puzzles’ are just desperately twisting the janky ass camera to find the next platform to teleport to, but some of them are also the annoying ‘the real puzzle is figuring out exactly what the puzzle is so you can just press a button over and over again’ kind that owlcat loves so much. they’re not intellectually stimulating and the UI just isn’t built for it so they become pace-killers rather than fun interludes. meanwhile the combat allowed me to really play badass pure aeon damaia, but it was also just... so many fucking vavakias. so. many. fuck those things. every corner had vavakias around it. and those succubus snipers. and every attack causing that desynchronization bullshit to be either saved from or cleansed. and there were just SO. MANY. it became monotonous by the end. and that was the bulk of the dlc.

I guess I’m extra disappointed about this because owlcat have suggested that this is the only major ‘story’ dlc for the commander. the other story one is a separate campaign in kenabres and then there’s a dungeon one in alushinyrra, which doesn’t super interest me. so for this to be it for damaia and her crew is... sad.

[summerseachild]

I finished reading Six of Crows last night, and I have thoughts about the book and how the show made adaptation changes. I haven't flailed about a book on social media for a while, so thanks to @ravenya003 for encouraging me to post my thoughts.

So many spoilers for the book and the Shadow and Bone show to follow.

First of all, I loved it. I loved getting to spend more time with these characters, and getting to see their relationships with each other develop, and not just the romantic ones. (For instance, I am HERE for Nina and Inej’s friendship and how they support each other at key moments. So good. Can’t wait to see them interact in the show now.)

Second, I’m kind of glad they aged up the characters for the show just a wee bit. I kept having to remind myself that book!Matthias is the oldest of them at 18, and he’s been in Hellgate prison for a year. They’ve all been through a lot, and for me at least, making them all early 20s instead of mid to late teens for the show made a lot more sense.

So I knew the basics of Kaz’ trauma because I went out and spoiled myself, but actually reading it was rough. I knew that he blamed Pekka Rollins for Jordie’s death, but I didn’t know anything about the depth of the long con. I think I knew there was an illness outbreak involved, and my guess going in was that Pekka’s gang robbed and killed Jordie while he and Kaz were both sick, but what actually happened is so much worse. No wonder Kaz has trust issues. Also, the bit about how he had to get back to shore after being dumped with the rest of the bodies is going to stay with me. So good. So upsetting.

And then there’s Inej… I loved her in the show, and I just… love her more now. I love that she’s brave and capable and wants something more for herself… that’s something that I actually really like about all of the tangled relationships in this book? They all have things that are really important to them outside of being part of the group or having FRUSTRATING FEELINGS THAT MADE ME SCREAM IN SHIPPER. Anyway… that moment where Inej realizes, while climbing up that incinerator shaft because Kaz trusted she could, that what she wants to do with her life and her skills is take down as many slavers as humanly possible was amazing. I loved it.

We got little hints of all of the characters backstory in the show, but Nina and Matthias were just… straight up their flashback scenes from the book, with the timeline adjusted slightly. (Nina was originally out looking for Grisha with Zoya omg want to know more about that.) I like that show!Nina is a spy, what with all of those language capabilities. ANYWAY. Nina is just… vivacious and fun and very very sad at the same time, and reading all of those sweet Nina/Matthias flashbacks with dialogue just… used verbatim in the show because it’s SO CUTE interspersed with the way that she and Matthias interact in the “present” of the book was… devastating. Also I may have screamed FUCK YOU MATTHIAS and scared my dog at one point. If you’ve read it you know where. And then I had to take it back because the straight laced viking block of ice suddenly revealed he could lie like a PRO.

Wylan is adorable. I lost it at his "Who is mark?” question and Jesper’s utter exasperation. One of the things about Wylan I really love is how he shows how this little group of people just… takes you in as you are and really respects you for the skills you have and what you bring to the table. When he started making that tool to cut Fabrikator made glass out of parts lying around the gate house and Jesper’s improvised diamond drill bit, I was impressed. Also, Jesper whining about babysitting all the way to Fjerda was highly amusing. Oh my sweet summer child.

Have I talked about Kaz/Inej yet and how it is destroying my soul right now? Can I talk about how they are both such damaged people who “doesn’t trust easily” is the understatement of the year, but they trust each other and are vulnerable with each other and will do things that step all over their trauma for that trust. (I just about had heart failure when Inej let Nina put the Menagerie tattoo back on her.) And I have so much respect for Inej for realizing what she wants and not settling for anything less, but also poor Kaz for not being able just yet to explain why he’s got all of that armor in the first place (if I read correctly, he hadn’t even told her Jordie existed before the events of the book, much less exactly what happened.) And then things end how they end with them, and Inej gets fucking kidpanned, and it’s a good thing I bought a box set with Crooked Kingdom, which I will be starting today.

So I haven’t even talked about the heist yet, and I love heists. I love how it moved, I love how all of the parts fit together, and I am HORRIFIED by the existence of jurda parem. The book’s first chapter really sets the scene for how messed up that stuff is, and so the stakes were always high, but WOW. It really made the moment when Nina decides to take it and does what she does so powerful. (We still don’t know if she’s ok by the end… please be ok, Nina.)

Other places in no particular order I was Not Ok:

The scene in the wagon where Kaz is not doing well and Inej is trying to give him as much space as she can and a;dlkfajfa;kfljad; I’m fine.

Inej getting stabbed. Not. Cool. (But Kaz’ “I am going to do incredibly violent things to you because you hurt a person I cared about while appearing calm” pushes multiple narrative buttons of mine so good on you, LB.)

Nina and Matthias discovering the burned Grisha bodies and Jesper being the one to do the mercy kill so neither Nina nor Inej had to. That whole bit was ROUGH.

The reveal of the lab and how long the druskelle leadership has been experimenting on Grisha. I think I had to put the book down, take a few deep breaths, and go outside after that because WOW that’s nasty.

Other random favorite moments included:

Matthias being the one who speaks up for Kuwei when he and Nina find him (and the reveal that he’s an inferni and his dad was a Fabrikator… the fact that jurda parem started out as an experiment that was supposed to help Grisha control their powers and hide from persecution is just heartbreaking).

And to end on a happy note… One of my favorite visuals of this whole book is Jesper fricking Fahey driving a tank with a “Fjerdan might” banner streaming behind it. I cannot WAIT to get to see this with my own two eyes.

And now I’m going to go start Crooked Kingdom because I will not be ok until Inej is ok.

[teddy-stonehill]

Tagged by @comradegrantaire 

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

Only 19 lol, I don’t write a lot of fanfic

2) what’s your total AO3 word count?

46,630. Honestly, more than I expected. 

3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I’ve written for twelves lol. Mostly I’ve written one shots for things so I don’t often write a lot for any given fandom. And a lot of these were fics I wrote for other people so they’re not all necessarily for fandoms I actually care that much about personally lol.

The fandoms I’ve written for are: Fire Emblem Three Houses, Run with the Wind, Friends at the Table, The Flash, NieR: Automata, Mystic Messenger, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The Adventure Zone, Hikaru No Go, Merlin, and Dungeon Meshi. 

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. The Importance of Selfishness, which is a Sinbad: Legend of the Seven seas fic I wrote for a friend. I think I’ve only seen that movie once lol. But I do think it’s kind of a solid standalone short story, and I’m pretty sure there aren’t a lot of fics in that tag so people still read it regularly even though it’s like 5 years old at this point.

2. Disappointment, Understanding, which I do personally consider my crowning fanfic achievement. It’s a (primarily) Jumin Han/Zen Mystic Messenger fanfic written in the style of the game (text chats interspersed with cut scenes.) I managed to match the idiosyncratic style of the game really well AND the fic is almost entirely canon compliant except for the pairings getting together lol. I’m still proud of this fic. It’s good.

3. Finding the Words, which is a 2B/60 NieR Automata fic. This is another one I wrote for a friend and honestly I don’t think it’s even that good, but lesbian NieR fans are desperate for content. 

4. Look This Way, which is a short, again mostly canon compliant, fic about Prince/Kakeru from the anime Run With the Wind. I think this one stands out in searches because Prince/Kakeru is the less popular pairing for that show but I stand by it as being better. Haiji/Kakeru fans are welcome to come fight me.

5. Not So Alone, which is a Midge/Susie Marvelous Mrs. Maisel fic. Again, this probably stands out because it’s a small tag. But also the fact that that show hasn’t canonically made Susie a lesbian yet is a hate crime. 

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Not very consistently. If I don’t have anything substantial to add I feel self-conscious about responding. And I don’t want to feel like I’m artificially inflating my comment count by replying “thanks” to every comment. 

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Possibly Dying is Not Romantic, a short Shamir/Catherine FE3H fanfic I wrote about the potential timeline in which Shamir kills Catherine. 

Or, arguably, Mercedes Dies of Cholera, also an FE3H fic, but it was written partially as a joke so I’m not sure that counts. I did also try to make it sincerely sad though lmao

7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I did once write a Jake from Brooklyn Nine Nine/Jean Ralphio from Parks and Rec fic lmao. I wrote it in the format of a television script. 

But I never posted that anywhere publicly, I just physically printed it out and mailed it to my friend who I wrote it for lmao. 

8) have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I remember, but I don’t it’s possible that I have and I’ve just forgotten. I think I mostly write for fandoms and parings that are too obscure to really inspire much hate. 

9) do you write smut? if so what kind?

I usually do a “fade to black” sort of thing if my fics include sex, but I have written one actually explicit fanfic and that was... the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel one lmao. 

10) have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’ve noticed. I don’t think I would really care if they were.

11) have you ever had a fic translated?

People have asked permission to translate a couple of my fics into Russian before. If anyone translated them without asking for permission first I don’t know about it. I don’t really keep a close eye out for these things. 

12) have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really? I’ve written fics based on other people’s ideas/prompts before, if that counts. 

13) what’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don’t really have one. I’m not that hardcore into shipping culture. 

14) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I wrote half of a Marcille/Farlyn Dungeon Meshi fic once that I think would have been good. But if I don’t finish a fanfic in one sitting I usually won’t finish it. I’m much more dedicated to writing original fiction, so I only ever write fanfiction on random hyperfocus whims. 

15) what are your writing strengths?

I’m good at character and dialogue and I’m VERY good at matching different writing styles. I don’t write fanfic that often but whenever I do I usually get comments about how well I captured the voice of whatever I’m writing a fic for. 

16) what are your writing weaknesses?

I don’t think very visually so I’m not very good at writing descriptions or action scenes where I have to think about characters existing in space.

17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fc?

I wouldn’t try to write in a language I don’t speak, and I don’t really see why this is something that would come up often. But again I don’t actually write fanfic that often and I READ fanfic even less. Is this a common thing people do? Why?

I guess it might make sense in some specific contexts but... why.

18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

When I was very young I wrote a fic about an original character in the pokemon universe, based off of a forum roleplay. This fanfic is not online anymore. 

19) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

It’s Disappointment, Understanding for sure. Seriously, if you were into the Mystic Messenger craze back in the day I highly recommend it lol. I like to reread it just for fun sometimes.

Other than that, I’m also hugely fond of Chance Encounter, which is a Laisu/Kabru Dungeon Meshi fic. I’m only bringing it up because I didn’t get a chance to bring it up in any of the earlier questions and I think it’s hilarious. So if you like Dungeon Meshi check it out. 

I tag @heronfem, and... that’s it. I don’t know that many fanfic writers lol. 

[neverheardnothing]

The Black Suits song ranking

Happy (late) Black Suits Day (eighteenth of September) y'all! Not that anyone asked but I have decided on my personal Black Suits song ranking. As always, I am very correct with my Joe Iconis music takes and will accept no criticism. Also I'm talking about 2013 here. Love yourself (and the work) and listen to 2013 instead of 2012 for better audio quality and a tighter book.

Spirit Song - I don't think anyone is surprised this is my top ranked song lol. "A melody only exists when someone hears, and the number one thing that I've learned through all my years. The fans and the family make the music strong, and the cheering is just as important as the song!" As Will describes it, it's a love letter to audiences (hey, that's me!) and when I listen to this song I'm always reminded of how much Joe believes in the message of this song, that the audience is part of the show.

Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang - [Joe Iconis voice] the language of the show. A lot of this list was influenced by not only how much I liked the song but by how well the songs functioned as extensions/expansions of the scene and the believability of that character singing the song. To me Bangx5 is one of the ultimate examples of this. The lyrics "there's a heavy metal hole where a soul used to be" like that's SO teenage angst and overdramatic just like Chris is supposed to be in this moment. I remember when I first heard the song I was like "is that it? Simple repeated [I am ___] lyrics for your act 1 finale? Seems a bit underwhelming even if it musically goes hard" but then after like another listen through of the show or so I realized that was the intention. When you're seventeen or so and you feel like your world is crashing down around you, sometimes the only way you can articulate it is "I am white boy rage, I am in a cage, I am bang bang bang bang bang bang bang." You are bang, you are loud crashing noises, your emotions are too loud and intense to be described with your limited vocabulary but you try anyways and fail. I love the contrast of the lyrics "I am chew my pens" and "I am hurt my friends" right next to each other. And the harmony at the end? Chefs fucking kiss.

Amphibian - This song is so goddamn fun. Like honestly. That’s it. Nato is chilling by himself and makes up a song about himself and his frog and it’s the best goddamn time in the show. You really get the feeling like these characters are actually friends. I love the “idiot” Nato vs “smart” Brandon. The “who cares about Beethoven. It’s a movie about a dog” joke never fails to make me laugh. When Brandon is expecting a regular bridge to the song and Nato whips out the falsetto and he goes “oh my God” like. Peak comedy here. And also Will Roland doing That? I’m in awe. Like this is what The Black Suits (the band) is, friends hanging out and having fun with music, that makes the next scene when the band formally break up so sad.

It's All Good - “So we’re cool and whatever?” It’s such a teenage boy thing to say. Like you want to acknowledge that you guys have been through something but at the same time you want to undercut it so you don’t run the risk of seeming too openly emotional. I’m also only very slightly bitter about that review that was like “oh wait so the only stakes of this show is the battle of the bands?” Like hello? Did you not see the show or listen to a single second of the finale? It’s about the way these characters communicate in their kinda inadequate ways and how they use music to express themselves. In a way it’s classic, cliche musical theater 101, with the characters unable to say what they feel with plain English so they resort to music, but of course with a Joe Iconis twist. The stakes aren’t the fucking battle of the band, it’s the friendship between the boys. It’s literally so obvious I want to scream. Anyways this song is fantastic way to end the show.

Car Ride To Long Beach - That's right. Car Ride To Long Beach is 5th place. I'm only very slightly bitter about the review that was like "is fried chicken REALLY the deciding factor in going on a drug run?" And by slightly bitter I mean this person goes on the list of people I want to beat up for being so fucking wrong about a Joe show. No, you fucking fool, that's not actually the deciding factor. She's at least on the fence, if not already secretly decided yes, about it from the moment he asks. It's about the company, it's about the road trip, it's about breaking the rules after having been "good" for so long. I am so adamant that this song is about desire and thrill and guilt and wanting to be seen for who you are and not just John saying obscene things. Like take the dialogue exchange right before she finally vocally says yes. "What do I look like right now?" "Uh. You look like... Lisa?" "... Alright let's go." Like tell me that does not drive you fucking crazy after Lisa's constant questions about others perception of her and trying to figure out who she is herself. Car Ride To Long Beach is good you guys are just mean.

Social Worker - Another example of an incredibly fitting character song. The refusal and reluctance of a teenage boy to admit that he actually needs or gets mental health help. I love the music-ification of a panic attack as loud drums and electric guitar. "I don't really go to the social worker," he says, as he goes to the social worker. It’s truly hilariously, heartbreakingly fitting for his character.

The Answer - When that Things To Ruin reviewer said Joe is a master of putting commonly shared moments to music no one else has done before, they were right. Who HASN’T taken a test and failed it so utterly they started questioning their entire life and worried for their future before? I love the repeated lyric questions like John is sitting there reading the question over and over trying to figure out what the answer is. I love the synthy keyboard. Fantastic choice @ Charlie Rosen.

Band-Aids and Cigarettes - Oh this song is so good I feel guilty about putting it at 8. It’s like honestly heartbreaking, not being able to give what the other person needs and being aware of it. And the unconventionality of it being sung by the mentor character instead of a love interest or something.

The Feeling (Part 1 and 2) - Yeah I’m combining them into one song and also assuming the entire beach/Chris & Mrs. Werring conversation is part of the song, too, with the interlude of the “I just want something good to happens.” This song is a jam, plain and simple. I love the absolutely terrible advice that Mrs. Werring gives Chris. “You got to push all your worries inside of yourself, and then they’ll mix creating a combustible boom.” Awful! But Annie Golden sings it so well. And it makes Band-Aids and Cigarettes later that much more sad. In part 2, I love how interconnected the two conversations are. “Just breathe them in -> I love the beach.” The synchronous “I don’t even remember why I liked him/her in the first place.” The score here having the Spirit Song melody. Also now feels like a good time to bring up my Lisa Bred is nonbinary headcanon (though it’s practically textual canon) with “I’m not a girl, I’m a song.” Like that right there, she literally states she’s not a girl, and that’s just the most obvious part. Twice before now, she’s asked people about how they perceive her (“what do I look like right now?” “my girlfriend?” / “Lisa”) and her arc in this show up to this point is discovering more about herself and trying new things. She’s aware of societal gender norms (“isn’t that what boyfriend girlfriends are supposed to do?”) and how she doesn’t really fit in with them. She’s experimenting with expressing herself (dyeing her hair blue, photography). Like it’s all right there. I don’t know if Joe was intentionally writing a nonbinary character figuring herself out but that’s what I get when I read the text straight. In Lisa’s mind, John is one of the gateways to trying new things (“you give me this feeling”) and then that blends right into the rest of The Feeling and it’s so fucking GOOD. I love this song.

Blue Hair - The OG Joe Iconis viral song! I love the music song of this song so much, specifically the guitar/piano riff. I love the multiple sources of motivation of doing it, from actually wanting to try something different, to getting a reaction from Chris and John, even if she denies that last part. And then again at the end of the song with her self-awareness. She’s doing something to stand out/express herself! I love it.

Nato's Song - A six minute clusterfuck of a song and it’s beautiful. Sticking to the actual Nato stuff right now, I think it’s a pretty clever way of passing time and seeing how it’s affecting him and everyone else in the show. With the interspersed content of other characters, it really is the musical equivalent of a film montage. I love seeing Chris’ further breakdown in the form of voicemails to his dad. The music of Blue Hair, Old Records, and Rather Be coming back is fucking great. Everyone is just struggling in this song and it’s great.

Rock 'N Roll Band (Reprise) - I love this re-introduction song so much and the differences between it and the original. I love the chaoticness of the solos all going at the same time. I love the cut Geek Rock Garage King still making in into the show as Brandon’s bridge and how out of place it is with the rest of the song musically but yet it’s still in it. I love the a capella break with Mrs. Werring cheering them on.

Old Records - The fact that John plays the guitar as Chris sings it for someone to hear is so good. When he gets affirmation that John likes the song, he continues. And it’s only after being called out about his writing revealing things about him that Chris feels bad about the song again and claims that they were just dummy lyrics. Once John leaves the backing music comes back on like glockenspiel or something and I love the lightness of it combined with the electric guitar that comes in after.

Black Suit On - I know we’re at like 3/4ths through but I honestly love this song. I love all the songs so much. This ranking honestly barely matters because I love all the songs in this show. I love the (unrealistic) idea of finally being able to be your best self, of all your problems going away, if only something symbolic but ultimately inconsequential thing were to happen. It’s about the (shared) vision for a different future than the one you’re currently living! (By the way I am so haunted by Jen Tepper saying this song was actually about LIHN. Like does anyone know what that means? Do I fundamentally misunderstand this song or LIHN? I don’t get the connection.)

Lisa - Once again, the relatability. Who hasn’t felt like they were good enough for another person? I love the specificity of the AOL verse. It’s so late 2000s. And the rest of the lyrics are so angsty and overdramatic as John is. Specifically in the context of the show this song really hurts after Lisa tells him she can’t fix whatever issues are wrong with him.

Rock 'N Roll Band - I love how the entire song is so what teenagers going through school, waiting for life to change, and seeking refuge in the only place where they feel like they are important and can be themselves. I love all their intros. I love Brandon going way too hard on the drums. “I’m gonna scream and shout, knock you out. I’m gonna conquer the world, get the girl. I’m gonna get some respect, finally connect. When I take a stand, with my rock ‘n roll band.” The extreme vividness of the type of stuck they feel here is so good and it’s a good summary of the show.

Pop Tarts - I love that this song is still called Pop Tarts despite all references to it having been removed except for one dialogue. I love the section of Chris’ vision for the band. The pre-reprise of the beginning of It’s All Good with “we’re cool and whatever?” and all of them joining in and getting on the same page. We love some boys just absolutely barely capable of communicating with each other with words.

Song In My Head/Only Person In The World - The absolute irony and poetry of John singing “I’m the only person in the world” and Chris singing about how everyone is gone when this is a duet. It’s literally so fucking good. When they both sing “I’m the only person in the world” at the same time? Are you kidding me? And this song is ranked 18th? Truly every song in this show is top tier.

Rather Be - This song is rather on the nose in its message, everyone would rather be at band rehearsal. It’s a solid song that helps us get into each of their characters more (“rather be where my buddies / now the same bands / and tolerate my drum fills” / “where my brothas like that I’m weird / and ask to see my squid impression” / “because we’ve only got a little while to get fantastic and get some style / if we do it soon then I won’t have to go to college” / “christ I’d rather be anywhere / but sitting trapped here taking this asshole test”). I love it when characters in shows all have different reasons for singing the same lines.

McFly Is Looking For A Drummer - Rip to this song, being ranked last. It’s not that I don’t like it because I actually do. Again, I just love all the songs in this show. He’s trying to communicate in his own way, which happens to be in music references, but that’s not how other people around him understand, and so he sees this opportunity to be with people who are more like him, but then he he gets scared that he wouldn’t fit in the way he hopes he would, which would be even worse than where he’s currently at where he knows that they don’t quite get him but are his friends anyways. I love that one moment where he drops out singing. It’s very reminiscent of in Michael In The Bathroom when you expect him to sing the title words but he doesn’t, so your brain fills it in for you. It functions a bit differently than that moment does in BMC though. I think in this song it’s the comparison of how he’s currently treated with the possibility of what McFly represents, that he could have the exact opposite experience there, that he’s imagining all the possibilities in that moment. Lol, ranked 20 and I still have so many things to say about this song.