#gonna use my legal name here but

[tony-andonuts]

Okay Ive been setting this thought aside for months but I just need to go off (not a vent but personal stuff below)

Okay at this point Im fucking convinced i have OSDD. Like,,,,,,,,

Idk so first off I fit the most important criteria which is early childhood trauma. The first memory I have is screaming followed by watching a laundry basket get thrown and shattered, and uhhhhhhhhhh. CSA from 4-8. Also the way i experience amnesia is weird and I don't always experience it when I "switch" (in quotations bc im still unsure) butlike. There are lots of times where It'll feel like I'm playing someone else's save file in a game and I have no fucking clue what the other person was up to but Here I Fucking Am!!

Andlike. I've been under the assumption that the reason why I switch is just out of being manic and autistic and compartmentalising certain qualities/interests/emotions into different "modes" but. Idk it very well could be and im just overthinking it but ever since my dad died I have been feeling almost purely like Lloyd or Pete. And I thought they were just names but like. Lloyd and Pete and Tony are different people. Theyre all totally different but we're operating this power rangers mechazord that is our corporeal body!!

Or at least it feels that way

[carlyraejepsans]

i think i found my people

[quarks-pussy]

[Images description: Twelve pictures of Star Trek actors. The phrase "thank you for being both amazing actors and amazing people" is written across most of the images one word at a time, except for the two images in the middle. The middle images are of William Shatner, reading "not you!" and Robert Beltran, reading "or you for that matter". The actors in the other images are George Takei, René Auberjonois, DeForest Kelley, Gates McFadden, Wil Wheaton, Kate Mulgrew, Patrick Stewart, Siddig El Fadil (aka Alexander Siddig), Nichelle Nichols and Leonard Nimoy. End image description.]

Non exhaustive list of course. Many more such cases, in fact feel free to add

(insp)

[phagodyke]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

[thatneoncrisis]

ngl, oh captain my captain, I'd go god damn crazy for an Arcane rewrite and what you'd do with it. Like hot damn I'd eat that au up and just replace the show in my mind with it.

Any, like, specific ideas in mind for what you'd change up/add?

well i Just woke up and its six in the morning so ill have to circle back to this but i will say that basically ever idea i had was centered on jinx caitlyn and violet. not that i dont think that other stuff couldn't be messed with but 1 thats the shit that i dont like the most and 2 considering the marketing and framing of the show those three are like The main characters so focusing on them like. centered things in my mind. they are the eye of the hurricane so to speak

[themyscirah]

Okay so basically the United States MINT of all people is going to be working with DC to make a line of coins! These coins sadly won't be in circulation (the things I would do to live in a world where I could get Batman coins from the supermarket) as they're collectors coins, but will be releasing over the course of the next 3 years, 2025-2027.

Designs haven't been released yet (the same is true for all 2025 designs) but we know there will be 9 coins in total (3 each year) with the first year featuring (of course!!!) Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.

Although we know the first three heroes to be featured, the remaining six have yet to be decided, and it turns out the Mint is putting out a survey on their site to gauge which of a group of culturally significant heroes people want to see most! (link to the form is mentioned in the article above)

The considered group includes: Supergirl, the Flash, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, John Stewart GL, Aquaman, Hawkman, Jamie Reyes BB, Robin (Damian?), Cyborg, and Batgirl, of which 6 will be selected.

As someone who does a bit of coin collecting myself (mainly circulation coins like the quarters sets, but I also have a couple proof and collectors coins) I think this is a really cool and interesting idea that showcases the history of the comics medium and these characters and their influence on American culture. Really excited to wait and see what the designs look like for the coins already announced!

[angeltannis]

My hospital has absolutely no idea how much daily damage control I do between the clueless cishets in my departments and every single trans patient we have

[knifegremliin]

teehee <- just made a petty comment on a discussion post about how this college forces you to use your legal name with no way to change your display name

[the-kipsabian]

feeling weirdly validated about my chosen name and pronouns today mmm

[orcelito]

I'm building up a rapport with the newest trans coworker. He's been here for a month or two now and he's pretty cool. Definitely in his sadboy era (judging by the music he listens to, which is SO me at age 20 ish. So like mood). Quiet, but with a wry sense of humor that's been coming out more lately.

I am very definitely out as Not Straight & he has seen this pretty clearly. Also since I'm in management I saw his birth certificate as part of paperwork stuff, so like. He's never upfront told me, but I know he's trans. I've never breathed a word of it to anyone, even to him tbh, so I hope he reads that as a good indicator that I'm Chill

I was complaining yesterday about how heavy the ginger juice was and he was just like "..Gender juice?" As in he misheard me and was genuinely confused what I was talking about. And I was just like. "Oh yeah. Gender Juice. Ya kno." Idk just one of those stupid things that purely cis ppl wouldn't joke about. So I rly hope he's getting not cis vibes from me. Bc I am not out as nonbinary at work bc Oof but like. We r Brothers, him and I. Maybe someday I can mention it. Idk

[milaek]

Also! For the kids out there who are like "but then how will I know who is and isn't safe for me to talk to on the internet?"

No one.

The answer is no one.

Now, that doesn't mean you can't have fun, fulfilling, productive etc. talks or friendships with people online! It doesn't mean you have to be shut away in fear of danger! What it *does* mean is that even if the person you're talking to seems like the best most perfect person in the world, always remember that *you don't know who they are*. They might be the person they say they are, or they might be lying for fun/profit. And honestly, it doesn't matter which! You should never go into online interactions and share personal, identifiable information. Nor should you expect others to.

And honestly? If that still doesn't do it for you, then do it to fuck over the feds. This data is stored. It is stored by the people that run the app or the service or the ip address. A record of it can be dug out of your device or the other parties'. Like, even if we discount the government, I don't trust Tumblr not to like, ever get hacked or something! That is why I do not give the website my information directly (here is my credit card info and full legal name Tumblr!) Or indirectly (hello friend I am messaging you my full address so we can hang out!). Sure some shit being somewhere is inevitable, but like... don't make shitty people's jobs easier for them.

The internet and the people on it is like the jungle, arctic, or any other wild environment.

It probably doesn't want you specifically dead. But it *definitely* doesn't give a damn about your wellbeing.

@ my fellow adults who use tumblr a lot:

can you PLEASE put your age in your about/sidebar and make sure it’s accessible on mobile. imo if you’re an adult esp 20+ it’s a little weird that you wouldn’t have your age readily available on your blog. if you’re reading this now and you don’t have your age listed, please rectify that. i feel like teenagers get lured into talking to adults in fandom/lgbt spaces that they may not have intentionally sought out because they think they’re talking to other teenagers, and this can lead to a lot of other – much more insidious –problems

[two-bats]

gender feelings are happening again. scary.

[thatdemiboymess]

Turning up the music to max volume and laying facedown on the bed because the mental health has hit rock bottom like DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT--

Thoughts of self harm and maybe suicidal ideation in the vent in the tags. Sorry.

[rae-writes]

OnlyFantoms?? pt.II

om dateables/sides x reader

wc : 2.k

warnings : nsfw, gn!reader with skirt wearing (raphael), lingerie wearing (diavolo), online sharing

synopsis : lets see what the new latest trending porn videos are

a/n: MWAHAHAHA IT'S FUCKING HERE

brothers ver.

The maroon fabric of your babydoll lingerie was rumpled, tearing not even a second later from how ironclad Diavolo’s grip was. One hand had the lace fisted, using it to yank you back on his cock, while the other was wrapped around your throat, veins highlighted and muscles flexing each time he effortlessly lifted your body and slammed it back down at the rough pace he was fucking you. Your legs were spread wide over his straining thighs, body just barely covered by the sheer material that adorned your sweaty body, hands white-knuckling his horns with your nails scratching along the golden ornaments . Each time skin met skin, it echoed in the room— adding to the sensual sight of the morning light reflecting off the golden floors, walls- the regal throne the two of you were seated in. His sounds were muffled from the way his head was buried in your neck, no doubt adding more marks to the already bruise-littered skin. Your own head was tilted back against his shoulder, his fingers squeezing visibly at your throat before two of them pushed past your parted mouth, making your high pitched moans turn choked. His rough pace got even more animalistic, feral growl escaping him as your body tensed, milking his cock as you came, pushing him past that edge too— and the video cuts.

Where royalty sits | 0:10 seconds | 112.k views | 109.k likes | 100.k comments 

TEN WHOLE SECONDS OF ABSOLUTE GOODNESS

Is this even legal to watch?? Cause if not, I’m happily packing my bags for jail

Typing this comment from my grave 

*eats phone*

Amazing day to be a Devildom citizen folks 

†

Hidden underneath the castle’s foyer stairs, the golden fractures of light shift as each of your bodies move. You were on your knees, thighs flexing, as you bounced up and down— riding Barbatos’ tail. The appendage forced itself deeper and deeper until the camera picked up on the arch of your back, the shimmer of your nails (painted in his colors) digging into his thighs, leaving behind wrinkles in the usually pristine black slacks. Gloved hands were tangled in your hair, gripping tighter the more his composure began to waver. The guided bobbing of your head went from leisure to almost desperate and then back again; after a particularly stressful day, he just couldn’t decide what he wanted. Only murmurs of praise left the royal steward, as opposed to your choked moans and whimpers and occasional gasps of his name when you came up for air before swallowing him down again. There was a brief moment in which he cupped the back of your head and shoved you all the way down- pausing- when footsteps ascended the stairs you were both underneath. Once it was quiet again, he pulled your head back with a caress of your hair and a soft apology, fucking you with his tail at a more rapid pace, insisting you needed to cum first. With you melting at his ministrations, he begins fucking your mouth, too, grunting almost inaudibly; the second your body wracked with your orgasm, he followed suit— and though only your backside view could be seen, the sounds of swallowing were crystal clear. With a low chuckle from Barbatos, and a breathy giggle from you, the screen goes black. 

Off duty | 0:30 seconds | 97.k views | 92.k likes | 88.k comments 

This is gonna be the next big fever dream, come lay your eyes on it while you can-

Mouth? Dropped. Eyes? Rolled. Drool? Leaking. Hotel? Corvo. 

B A R B A T O S ? !

This is the best day of my life

asdfghjkl

†

Scraping of wood against marble tile echoed faintly as the entirety of Mephisto’s desk moved inch by inch. The force he was pounding into you created small thudding noises, your clothes dulling the sound of skin slapping, followed by sharp grunts as he worked to keep the relentless pace. Lights of the newspaper club’s office highlighted your bodies, leaving nothing hidden as he bends you into an even deeper arch, face buried in the mahogany desk. Newspapers- published and uncompleted drafts- are crumpled underneath your hands; he couldn’t care less, though, not when you’re moaning and crying out his name like you are. It’s clear he tries to show some decorum, but the rare sight of his demon form screams how disheveled you’re making him— tails coiled around your waist, horns pressing into your shoulder, sharp nails digging jagged lines into the wood of his desk. An enchanted quill is frantically scribbling in the background, no doubt writing down what was happening into a page of the upcoming newspaper draft; depending on whether or not Mephisto remembers- or cares- he might just leave the article in. The thought actually has him whining, fucking into you a bit faster, because he’d love to see everyone’s reactions once they read the damn paper— knowing he had you right under everyone’s noses. A quick tug of your hair to pull you into a messy kiss that the camera can’t see and he’s spilling his cum into you- dragging you off the ledge with him- and pressing his body flush against yours. You stay trapped like that for a few seconds, quietly laughing and teasing him, before he huffs and pulls back as you both try to make yourself presentable again when the video ends. 

Extra, Extra | 3:25  minutes | 93.k views | 89.k likes | 84.k comments

Front page, baby. FRONT! PAGE!

Got his priorities down pat

What goes down in the news office doesn’t stay in the news office

Get that nOBLE DIck MC

Never thought I’d hear Mephisto whine— 

†

White linen curls around your arms, clenched between your fingers, pillowing your head, delicately shielding the parts you didn’t want too exposed— all while the light in Simeon’s room bathes you in a replicated golden hour. His head is buried deep between your thighs, messy hair brushing your skin at each movement. One of his hands is keeping your left thigh flat against the bed, squeezing at the fat of it, while the other is subtly shoved underneath his body as he fucks his fist. With the leg that isn’t pinned down, your calf is resting over his shoulder, keeping him impossibly close; the sounds coming from him are muffled, as he’s barely able to breathe properly, but they’re desperate and needy, echoed by the mindless ‘please’s and praise he’s babbling out. The sheets covering his own body from view only hide his hips down to his mid thigh, giving the perfect- defined- view of his arched back and the flexing muscles rippling underneath smooth skin as he thrusts into the pleasure. There are faint reddened lines trailing along his shoulders and barely visible hickies on his neck, showing that, clearly, this hadn’t been the beginning of the night. It can also be seen in the way his hips stutter with overstimulation, toes curling at the sensation, even if he can’t stop because he still craves the release. It’s timed with the pace he’s fucking you with his tongue, moans harmonizing with yours, getting louder and breathier and a little whinier before he’s practically crying out an ‘I’m cumming!’. Not even a second later, both of your thighs are snapping closed around his head, trembling, as you follow. The come down is soft and sweet, whispered words and gentle caresses, with a murmured suggestion for a bubble bath just as the video cuts. 

Worship hour | 2:30 minutes | 86.k views | 84.k likes | 78.k comments 

I feel the grace of the celestial realm 

PHEW 

GOD AND DAMN 

We’ve ascended guys— 

Where can I get an angel 

†

The scattered, organized, yet messy sight of school books, miscellaneous supplies, and the fact that you were in your uniform made it obvious this was one of RAD’s many closets. Raphael was sitting on top of an extra desk, legs spread rather wide as you sat on top of him; your skirt rode up around your hips, but his hands groped and squeezed your ass to shield it from view. He guided you at a quick, needy pace as you grinded against his clothed cock, sometimes jerking his hips up to meet the movements. The normally quiet and aloof Angel was panting and gasping, and if you listened closely, you could hear muffled whines every now and then when you moved at a certain angle. The sloppy sounds of wet kissing and tongues tangling seemed to echo in the small room, even despite his whisper of ‘have to be quiet’— in fact, he was more vocal than you, commanding you to go faster, asking you not to stop. Even the shadows passing under the door didn’t deter him from wanting you. The bell signaling class was about to begin made you pause without thinking, but he gave you no time to think: he grabbed you right up and twisted your bodies around until you were laying back on the desk, legs around his waist. With no room to barely breathe in between, he began fucking himself against you like an animal in heat, breathlessly apologizing and announcing he was gonna cum. With a few more rough thrusts, you can see his body shudder and melt over top of you— and the visible wet stain on the front of his pants as he gently helps you off the desk and fixes your clothes, suggesting a quick clean up spell so you can go to class, before the video ends.

[Can’t] resist temptation | 1:10 minutes | 88.k views | 82.k likes | 75.k comments 

PHEW PART FUCKING TWO

His veiny hands make me ajsaljdkd

Are all the exchange students always this hot??

I will take a shower of spears to see this in person 

Mc is my hero 

†

Whatever device was recording had to be enchanted, as the screen was divided perfectly to show the inside of the common room, where the seven brothers all lounged, and the hallway wall just outside, where Solomon had you hiked up against it. His head was buried in the crook of your neck, only a peek of his lips showing. The bottom half of your face that was in frame is covered by his hand, fingers digging into your jaw to keep you quiet. The only thing covering your body was his starry cloak; the fabric fell off your shoulder, showing off the many hickies and bite marks adorning your skin. Your body bounced upwards at every sharp thrust— he was unforgiving with his pace, frame flush against yours as he fucked you deep. The audio barely picked up on the ragged pants falling from his mouth, the debauched praises that he was damn near singing as he had his way with you, all while being ten feet away from the brothers. The muscles in his arm flexed as he held you up, fingers marking bruises into the skin he was gripping. You raked your hands through his sweat-soaked hair, tugging and pushing his head up until you had your mouth against his. A barely audible cry of his name reached the camera as your back arched, fingers pressing just as bruisingly into his back. He finally stuttered in his pace, mouth falling open; he came with his tongue tangled with yours, accidentally having let out a hiss when you moaned aloud. Lucifer, who had been glancing up occasionally, as if he thought he heard something, immediately stood just as all the others’ heads snapped up. With a desperate kiss, Solomon opened a portal and carried you right through, leaving the brothers to hastily round the corner and begin shouting, before the video cuts.

Claim staking | 4:45 minutes | 91.k views | 88.k likes | 84.k comments 

A good section of the comments is just hate from the brothers, I— 

That sly, sexy, smug little fucker

I wanna be between the two of them 

Sorcerer man hot 

You could physically feel the charge in the air through the phone when the brothers figured it out

[mclqren]

GOOD LUCK CHARM ★ OP81

PAIRING ✦ oscar piastri x fem!sainz!reader

SUMMARY ✦ oscar has been dating his opponent's sister since his f2 days, and while carlos seemingly disapproves, no one can deny that she is the good luck charm. [ SMAU ]

WARNINGS ✦ cursing, like one joke about biting someone, some hate comments towards the end

REQUESTED ✦ here!

NOTES ✦ reader is spanish. i have used various brunette faceclaims from pinterest, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are open so feel free to leave a request :)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, and 43,901 others

yourusername home 🇪🇸❤️

view all comments

user1 DREAM LIFESTYLEEE!!

user2 oh y/n you are so so perfect

user3 the sainz genes are absolute perfection MWAH

yourbsf te amo, mi mejor amiga 💗💗

yourusername te amo mucho ❤️

user4 the way her feed is like a pinterest board is so comforting to me

oscarpiastri missing you ☹️☹️

yourusername im gonna be there for monaco baby dont worry ❤️❤️

user5 PARENTS

oscarpiastri im a lucky guy 😍

carlossainz55 and dont you ever forget that.

yourusername carlos 😐😐

carlossainz55 older brother duties, y/n!

iamrebeccad gorgeous girl 💘

yourusername all you, angel ❤️

yourusername

( caption one: ✈️✈️ | caption two: view for the evening ❤️ )

oscarpiastri YOU'RE HERE???

yourusername um YES???

oscarpiastri WHY DIDN'T YOU MESSAGE ME SOONER

yourusername I DID??? CHECK MESSAGES.

imessages ( oscar )

liked by oscarpiastri, alexandrasaintmleux, and 48,220 others

tagged oscarpiastri

yourusername monaco nights 🌃🌃

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user6 miss y/n WOWWW!!

user7 so so jealous i wish i was in monaco rn ☹️

user8 don't we all 😢😢

alexandrasaintmleux most gorgeous ever 😍

yourusername ALEX I LOVE YOU 💋

alexandrasaintmleux MWAHHH 💋

carlossainz55 mi hermana ❤️❤️

liked by yourusername

oscarpiastri 😍

carlossainz55 😐

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, and 61,111 others

tagged oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, alexandrasaintmleux

yourusername so like...we're all somehow connected now? 😬 (to avoid jealousy issues i posted all three of them)

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user9 TWO LECLERCS & A SAINZ ON THE PODIUM

user10 HAHAHA SO TRUE

user11 the way y/n is in on the joke now 🤣

user12 okay but y/n and alex's friendship makes me melt

user13 both of them are princesses 🩷

oscarpiastri the caption 😐

carlossainz55 usually i wouldn't agree, but y/n...

yourusername so the caption did a good thing then, yes? 😁

charles_leclerc 😁❤️

yourusername was about to call you my brother from another mother, but given the recent adoption of my boyfriend i don't think i can legally say that anymore.

oscarpiastri whoops? 🤷

user14 Y/N 😭😭

alexandrasaintmleux my girl 🩷

yourusername forever and ever and ever ♾️

landonorris so where was my post when i won...?

yourusername not required ❤️

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, and 45,009 others

yourusername need a ginger cat in my life so bad 🐈

view all comments

user15 is she back in spain? 👀

user16 well the spanish gp is this weekend so i'd assume so!

user17 SO REAL FOR THIS

user18 real question now...what would you call your hypothetical ginger cat.

yourusername wasabi 😁😁

user19 ADORABLE NAME.

user20 @/oscarpiastri where's her ginger cat at

oscarpiastri when i win, she'll get a ginger cat☝️

yourusername WAIT ACTUALLY WHAT. WASABI PENDING 🗣️🗣️🗣️

user20 I DID NOT THINK YOU'D BOTH REPLY. (also you're welcome y/n!!)

carlossainz55 and do our dogs mean nothing to you??

yourusername i've always been a cat lady at heart ☹️

landonorris i blame oscar.

carlossainz55 agreed.

oscarpiastri SORRY???

landonorris it's your cat energy, mate

yourusername

( caption one: always on the move 😴 | caption two: day out in austria w the girlies ❤️ + tags )

liked by oscarpiastri, iamrebeccad, and 52,333 others

tagged alexandrasaintmleux, iamrebeccad, oscarpiastri

yourusername still dreaming of those pastries

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user20 THE DAISIES AWWW

user21 living my dream frfr

user22 straight out of a pinterest board

user23 HER POSTURE???

user24 im sitting at home with my hunched back aspiring to be like her right now

user25 those pastries look yummy oh my days

user26 every time i see the ferrari wags & y/n hanging out i involuntarily squeal

carlossainz55 so my invite got lost in the post?

charles_leclerc and mine?

iamrebeccad girls day out = no men allowed

yourusername what my girlfriend said 🗣️

oscarpiastri sorry??

yourbsf pastries looking almost as delicious as you 😉😉

yourusername ugh i miss you so bad, my gf 💔💔💔

oscarpiastri STOP FLIRTING Y/N

yourusername YOU CANNOT SILENCE ME 🎤

yourusername

( caption one: shattered but we move! )

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, and 44,901 others

yourusername solo exploring 🚶‍♀️

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user33 saw you posted and I RAN

user34 LOOKS SO BEAUTIFULLL!!

user35 she's in hungary 👀👀👀

user36 twitter is in an uproar waiting for the race weekend

user37 SO AM I 🔥🔥🔥 GO ON OSCARRR

user38 what a beauttt

user39 the claw clip 💘💘

yourusername a taste from home ❤️

alexandrasaintmleux angelllll 🩷

yourusername love you smsmsmsm ❤️❤️

oscarpiastri wish i could've been there 💔

user40 you've got a race to win so your gf can get a ginger cat, get to it 🤣

yourusername ^^^ what they said!!

user40 HELP YOU ACC REPLIED LOL

liked by oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc, and 88,321 others

tagged oscarpiastri

yourusername WASABI WASABI WASABI!! (ps. check my page for celebratory post for my love x)

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user44 y/n has her priorities in order

user45 mhm!! wasabi > anything else

user46 SUCH A CUTE CAT

user47 'FOR MY LOVE' oh my god im not well.

user48 okay but does no one else find it weird that she posted her new cat over her boyfriend winning...

user49 no ong like what

yourusername oh dear not the fun police. please learn how to read captions, and check my recent 😘x

landonorris LET ME COME OVER AND SEE WASABI NOWWWW

yourusername jury's out rn sorry

landonorris pls. pls. pls. pls.

yourusername i'll consider it...

alexandrasaintmleux wasabi 🥺🥺

yourusername have you checked if leo is volatile with cats yet...

alexandrasaintmleux @/charles_leclerc pet play date!!!

oscarpiastri our baby ❤️

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️

user50 Y/N IS HIS GOOD LUCK CHARM CONFIRMED!!

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, and 92,122 others

tagged oscarpiastri

yourusername MY GRAND PRIX WINNERRR!! i still remember meeting you when you were still in f2: carlos hated the fact that i kept watching the f2 feature races just to see (fawn over) you, but it worked in my favor anyway 🤷‍♀️ forever so so so proud of you, here's to many more 🥂❤️

comments for this post have been restricted

carlossainz55 ❤️❤️

yourusername earned the stamp of approval now...?

carlossainz55 for now. 😊😊

oscarpiastri new cat, winning a grand prix and your brother finally likes me? what a weekend 😁❤️

yourusername he always liked you, he just likes teasing you 🙄

carlossainz55 y/n 🙄🤣

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[resu-rlbmut]

vent post incoming but. this has truly been one of the months of all time ever. definitely a month with events and happenings and things that took place. i feel. Overwhelmed and Bad. but tbh mostly just feeling tired

i missed a bunch of uni requirements and i probably flunked my exams because i couldn't get myself together enough to actually study!!!

(on the bright side it wasn't All of my exams. but sadly i definitely DID flop on the subjects i hate. and the reason why i hate them is because they're the most difficult and boring ones. fuck i hope i won't fail or anything because if i have to retake those courses i will SCREAM)

on a more personal note i finally realized the reason why i resonated so much with the am i a lesbian masterdoc despite being a cisgender man. (yeah yeah i have he/they pronouns on the bio so what. can't a guy also be a they slash them now??? mind your business!!!) because i'm like. 98% sure i'm gay??? ok even typing that was scary to me but also saying that i'm gay felt more truthful, more instinctively true than me saying that i'm bi, so. 100% sure i'm gay

anyway back on topic i really actually resonated with the document because as it turns out, the feelings i was feeling was comphet??? because whenever i imagined a future with myself and a woman it was usually for The Bit. like some sitcom where the premise was "isn't it funny that SHE'S the breadwinner and HE'S the homemaker? gender nonconformity is hillarious!" so yeah. turns out all the people making fun of me when i was a kid were all correct </3

i just really wanted to write this down somewhere, somewhere public, even if it's not gonna be associated with me irl because. idk. i'm hoping that someone comes across this and relates, maybe? just screaming into the void for validation... i would be writing this down on my priv twitter account but. honestly some of the people i knew in middle school that (jokingly?) shipped me with one of my guy friends (don't ask) still follow me there and i don't want them to realize how right they were. i refuse

speaking of like, old friends or whatever, i really do wish i kept in contact with more of them but. here's the thing, i already know about myself that i don't talk to people over the internet unless i see them irl. like i know internet friendships can be just as valid and emotionally fulfilling and whatnot but tbh if i don't see them irl i just forget to talk to them :( like that sounds shallow and i know it's a problem i've known for years i really have. i just. don't know how to solve it??? and now i don't really talk to anyone in my college batch because i'm too tired to even make the effort of socializing and now i HAVE no friends to talk to because talking to other people even on the internet (ESPECIALLY ON THE INTERNET WHERE I CAN'T SEE THEIR FACES) is scary and nerve-wracking anf HDJSDBSJDHSJGH. i hate this i hate this i hate this i feel horrible and guilty and lonely the time thinking about it (<- random but i would be so easy to induct in a cult)