#gonna remind myself of this post now and then
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In my sport (tennis) the club I play at was on the smaller side so we were always matched up for games based on skill instead of age since there weren’t really enough people to make proper age groups.
So if you’re a 17 year old that just started learning you would be playing a 10 year old, or vice versa if you’re a 10 year old that’s really good you would be playing against someone with more experience (so probably older).
OP’s post reminds me of this so much beacuse as a 12 year old that was matched up against older/stronger kids all the time because my skill was *equal enough* to theirs it would always confuse me why the guys in particular were always so happy that they beat me. Like dude; you are a 6’4, 185 lb 17 year old whose been playing since you were 5 and I am a 5’3 100lb 12 year old that started playing 3 years ago but just happens to be Good For My Age. Like no shit you’re gonna win.
And now at 18 it still doesn’t make that much sense to me. As an 18 year old who now has 9 years experience I definitely wouldn’t feel proud if a 12 year old beat me but I wouldn’t exactly feel proud of myself for beating a 12 year old.
Being a woman in sports is so fucking annoying because at every turn there's an insecure man twice your size who produces 15x the testosterone you do trying to flex that he's faster or stronger than you like that's not a given. In fact, it'd be awfully embarrassing if he wasn't.
No fucking shit you're faster and stronger, you naturally produce huge amounts of a literal anabolic steroid and every aspect of movement is automatically easier for you because you have a larger frame with more muscle.
The gag is that most of the time, comparatively, they're actually worse than you in terms of ratios because no man who is confident in his abilities is gonna try to flex on someone half their size.
It's the equivalent of me trying to flex my height or intelligence to an 8 year old boy, fucking obviously i'm taller and smarter, i'm older.
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It's been a few...mostly because I had so many chapters needing editing and posting that I didn't actually have much time to write! And, like many of you, I've been working on Valentines (still working on Valentines) (a few are gonna be late). I've got writing donethis week, though, so here goes:
Thank you to: @monbons, @thewholelemon, @nausikaaa, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @confused-bi-queer,
@larkral, @bookishbroadwayandblind,@best--dress, @j-nipper-95, @leithillustration,
@rimeswithpurple, @roomwithanopenfire, @prettygoododds, @noblecorgi, @artsyunderstudy, for tagging me over the last couple of weeks.
The good news is, if I don't have sentences for it below, a chapter probably was posted in the last two weeks. With no further ado, here's a few sets of (probably about) six sentences.
From Stars, Flowers, and Children:
I thought it might take some searching; it’s been years, after all. It would have been unsurprising if Davy's corpse had been carried off in dozens of different pieces by local scavengers.
But no. He’s right where we left him.
All of the indestructible parts of him, anyway. Any fragments of clothing or flesh or organs have gone…he’s a pile of sun-bleached bones face down in the sand. A few metal bits like his belt buckle and some copper buttons are scattered amongst the bones, but no soft parts remain.
From my Visitor Baz AU:
Penny doesn’t understand why this bothers me so much. She doesn’t get it. Baz is just…indelible. Somehow, Watford isn’t Watford now that he’s gone. I don’t know how to be, without my sneering roommate tossing insults at me all the time.
Fuck, I even sound pathetic to myself.
I fold my elbows over my eyes and groan, long and loud. Fuck me, what am I going to do? And that’s when I hear him.
“Problems, Snow?”
From CORB #1, Baby Mine with @argumentativeantitheticalg
Fuck, I’ve started to think of this situation as if it were going to be long term. I need to stop. I’ll just break my own heart. Simon has a life, a job. If I’m lucky, he’ll agree to weekend visitation with our daughter, once this mystery is solved. I’ll see him for a few minutes in passing as we exchange Abigail at the front door.
My eyes are stinging. I need to change this train of thought now before I utterly humiliate myself. “When do you need to return to London?” I blurt.
Oh, well done, Basilton. That’s absolutely changing the subject.
From CORB #2: The Stoves Come On At Night, with @ebbpettier
I’ve learned a few things from Vera, who’s nearly old enough to have served the Pitches when they lived here. She told me that the room I chose belonged to Mordelia’s brother who died young. Apparently, after he died, the Grimms kept the boy’s room as it was when he’d lived, like some sort of memorial. And their daughter has continued the tradition since the property descended to her. I guess that explains why the decor is simpler in my room.
Maybe it should creep me out that my bedroom belonged to a dead kid, but it’s an old house. Probably every bedroom has belonged to someone who’s since died. And I’m not superstitious.
Tags and air kisses to : @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @palimpsessed, @fatalfangirl,
@melodysmash, @moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @mostlymaudlin, @onepintobean, \
@raenestee, @tea-brigade, @upuntil6am, @whogaveyoupermission, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, \
@krisrix, @shemakesmeforget, @nightimedreamersghost, @mooncello, @shrekgogurt,
@cosmicalart, @theearlgreymage, @iamamythologicalcreature, @ileadacharmedlife, @thehoneyedhufflepuff,
@facewithoutheart,@skeedelvee, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @messofthejess, @alexalexinii,
@hushed-chorus, @blackberrysummerblog, @cutestkilla,@letraspal, @wellbelesbian,
@ic3-que3n, @emeryhalll, @ebbpettier, @argumentativeantitheticalg, @bookish-bogwitch,
@martsonmars, @whatevertheweather, and @youarenevertooold
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sometimes I have to remind myself word count does not equal worth/quality
#bee blabs#tho it is hard when I see lengthy ass fics in comparison to my piddly ass ones#but brevity is the soul of wit right ?#I'd rather be brief and clear than windy and dribbly to the point where u miss the point#like I read some chapters of fics and it's so long and waffly and each interaction is filled with wildly similar descriptions#and no hate bc a lot of these fics have very good narratives#but it could have been said in less words ?#so maybe I don't have to feel so guilty over my fic being shorter#bc at least I've said what I wanted to without vying to string together filler words so my fic is longer#besides this cryptic castle fic is at 12k now halfway thru and that's more than I've written in ages for one work#and who knows what that word count will look like when I'm done#for me I'm proud of that as is#gonna remind myself of this post now and then#it might do me some good#besides !! my fics always feel better to me when I consider and meticulously craft each sentence I write
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personal happiness or what the fuck ever
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#jeans here too but ssh#snap sketches#i havent posted anything in what feels like forever and i GUESS i have to remind people i do draw sometimes. whatever.#aka in my brain i have at LEAST a five-page doujin where this gets incredibly nsft but i dont have TIME for that these days do i#so for now we get just. these scribbles. ill be able to make something exemplary again someday i swear <- optimistic#i think im going to close my comms off for the rest of december once i get through the batch i have now#which ... doesnt sound hard since the amount i have will probably take me to the end of december anyway 💀#i just need everyone to believe me i have better visions for yaoifying issue 309 .... the opportunity is right there...#like wdym the dream sequence is gon end on a panel of erik's eyes as he reinforces the idea charles needs happiness like scott and jean's..#call up your ex. right now charles.#what got me peeved about this issue is i have no idea what color eriks outfit could be vjaeLVKEJARK its like.#is he wearing a lab coat over a suit .... i think thats the intention ... or maybe it is a trench coat....#idk shit for me to figure out if i ever get the time to explore this thing again#LIKE UGH IM SCREAMING i have Such Visions that i dont have time to execute and theyre killing me#maybe ill just write them down idfk <- trying to write fanfiction ends even worse for me than trying to draw#anyways. im gonna drive myself mad good night everyone#i have to go to a christmas party tomorrow night. later tonight. whatever.#BYE
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/edcc054cf605377ff93f6b1e86837024/c4bc4c728c9bc4b7-ee/s540x810/ec3aa2444f627afc9c500e223ba9e911607e8d2c.jpg)
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nothing but sleep.
#been a WHILE since i did any traditional certainly since a full piece like this and of course i dont like the photos but WHATEVER#this line hits hard for me. not gonna get into it rn but it's the same vibe as miles to go before i sleep from robert frost#alan wake#alan wake 2#art#colored pencil#edit a few hours later: banged this out in 1 session and immediately took photos to post and i really dont like how it's looking now#but i dont feel like deleting the post so let this just be a reminder to myself to Let That Shit Rest. like a steak.
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character development
#null havoc damage#posting this as a reminder to myself to fix her pages later . and make new art#i was gonna do that anyway but now i have extra incentive
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what if because dust and horror wouldn't wanna be called anything aside from sans in a multiverse context and they were both good buddies they both just start calling eachother sans. i'm sans (dust) and i'm sans (horror) ahh duo
becaaause horror in his eye(s) still sees himself as sans!! he's sans!! who else is he SUPPOSED to be god 😒😒 stop attatching this stupid fake name onto him that just points out all his shortcomings in his au and also just dehumanizes him (because i get that aus are named after a key trait of something but COME ON the guy's name is HORROR it's like naming a poor person "brokie" or something,,,). horror is PROUDLY sans smh
and dust ALSO sees himself as sans!!! like,,, granted he's definitely not a better sans than he was before considering everything he did (but he still doesn't like his past self's inaction) but he's STILL SANS. nothing about him changed (really?) enough to warrant the whole identity shift. like dude dont discredit him DONT DENY HIS WHOLE LIFE!!! he IS sans no matter what,,, dust doesnt wanna think about what he became if he's not sans now anyways lul :3
now could they fight over the right to the identity of sans??? possibly,,, but also consider this: there are literally infinite numbers of sanses in the multiverse. at some point the shiny title of Sans would be something horror and dust are used to around the multiverse!!! so why fight over the name (that so many others share already so its not exactly exclusive) when they can just decide to make each other feel better!!! be delusional TOGETHER 🤞
#because a certain mutual of mine's post reminded me that this draft of mine existed#ironic how this whole post is about dust and horror wanted to be called sans. and i call them dust and horror the entire time#killer would be having the WORST DAY OF HIS LIFE being around them#SANS THIS SANS THAT HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOURE HORROR YOURE DUST AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE SANS!!! NONE OF US ARE#ohhh my god this gave me ANOTHER idea.... horror and dust's pride in being sans bothering killer..... hahahshehahageh i like that idea#what's with me and horrordust but theyre using eachother to cope with the fact that they hate their current lives so they pretend to go bac#let's see if untitled29876011111 will approve of this mtt take after they wake up....... :3#this must be like the 7th hc ive made about dust and horror trying to remain as sans together#i think its really an interesting thing to me how they both are the furthest thing from sand undertale but they still believe it so firmly#its kinda like the opposite of killer and his want to be seperate from sans#because (and dont shoot me if im wrong) killer doesnt wanna be sans because he doesnt wanna believe he could've possibly made the decision#to do whatever the hell it is for chara as who he used to think he was. doesnt wanna believe that he's still the same guy when he's been#changed against his will SO much that even he cant recognize himself. and then for dust and horror#they still wanna be sans because for the opposite but same reason???? like#dont wanna accept they they've changed that much so they cling onto the old identity. i love trio parallels#i love continuation group i'm SO glad theyre continuation group. there are other continuations but THEY are continuation group#every single little detail about them can be connected to each other...... and they barely even know each other in canon ✨✨✨✨#the characters are SO perfect together even though theyre not even from the same character or have interactions#how is it possible that 3 characters from 3 seperate creators with none/barely any canon interactions w eachother#just manage to work SO WELL TOGETHER!!!! THEY HAVE SO MSNY CONNECTIONS AND GREAT DYNAMICS AND PARALLRLS OAUGHHHH I LOVE THE MTT!!!! MY TRIO#i wasn't totally inspired by the silly sans 1 and sans 2 thing i put into my fic noooo. ok maybe i was :3#this is 500% gonna be a flop post but whatever i post for myself and the 1 person i know will 1000% see it now ✨✨✨ freedom ✨✨✨✨✨#tricule hc#killer sans#killer's not here in post but he's mentioned in tags. for today this is okay#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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I like never really come on here and, I dunno, talk. So here goes.
It's been a long time since I've published any fanfic, tbh a long time until recently that I was even writing anything. But now that I have been writing, I've gotten in my feels.
I've been asking myself why I do this. Why do I spend hours upon hours writing fanfiction of all things, why have I spent more than a decade of my life doing this on and off?
Then I reminded myself that it makes me happy. I'm not wasting an entire weekend when I stay home and write until my laptop gets too hot. I'm not losing time. I'm not doing something without purpose.
The purpose just has to be happiness.
Why I'm typing this all out for once, I don't know. Maybe the silly little thoughts finally got too heavy so I felt like making someone else bear the weight.
Maybe I want you to know that what you're doing, what you're creating, drawing, writing, isn't pointless. It's part of your life. You're creating something from inside of you that only you can make, even if it's fanfic or original content or whatever it is.
Just... don't give up on yourself, let yourself breathe, let yourself just be happy with your hobby. I gave up on myself for a long time and I regret it.
P.S. If someone can teach me how to actually be social on tumblr again, I'd appreciate it.
#lauren rambles#seriously it's just a ramble#I reblogged one post earlier and got sappy and was like oh#why do I feel the way I feel#so maybe this is trying to put words to feelings I'm still coming to terms with#a lot of times I think I'm a fucking ~loser~ for loving fanfic of all things#but I have to remind myself that fandom really is such a special place#full of real people who create beautiful things#anyways I need to stop now#I'm gonna go make a shitty frozen pizza and write more smut that makes my little heart happy
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it went fine yesterday btw :}
#Robin processes emotions on main#sometimes I freak out like a chihuahua and then actually have a good time. these things are typical in the life of ur local robin#we talked about our lives instead of our Interests and it was fine ! I think I did good. we commiserated about the post-college woes#I got re-reminded how rough my life is right now and cried a little but like in a good way. and I'll make it. we'll both make it#today I made a bucket list of churches to try (By Myself) and places to visit around town#(clutching my head staggering upright) did you guys know th.that childhood parentification can majorly mess you up#man do I need therapy. like. soon I think#also a steady job and my own apartment but let's not get ahead of ourselves. haha. sorry let me rephrase:#I'm GOING to get a job and move out eventually and it will be GOOD. and in the meantime I will make living here good too dangit#anyway so yeah I just forgot that this particular friend is good for Processing Life with instead of Enjoying Stories with#that was my issue last time.#although last time wasn't a Failure on my part. I was just exhausted and I Couldn't process life last time. no energy for that#I didn't feel safe enough to do that so all I had to fall back on was my interests and it just didn't click. such things happen#anyway I'm logging back out now but thank you everyone for the encouragement :') it really helped and I'm gonna keep on truckin'
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another self indulgent screenshot dump because i. actually have no good reason to do this never mind
first up we have matt displaying his extensive knowledge of the studio
and then chris bullying dom (!!! wtf man this is basically unheard of??)
and then the shitpost portion (the screenshot of his hands was totally an accident don't look at me like that)
ik this doesn't flow like a normal post at all but i'm not normal about any of this so uh
it's shitpost saturday guys buckle up because things are about to get a lot worse (x)
#sometimes i feel embarrassed to post a bunch of stuff when my brain is running 100mph like it is now#but then i remind myself that this is my blog and i have free will so i hope you guys don't mind these on your dash#i'm gonna have to make a gif of chris and dom if i can figure out how#i've been too lazy to even look into making gifs so it could be a lot easier than i thought#anyways i'm rambling
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happy mothers day to the best mom ever
bonus:
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#ichiban kasuga#mitsuo yasumura#snap sketches#someone remind me to draw mitsu again i been wanting to draw him since playing 7#but anyway happy mothers day :) inspo'd by that cutscene title yes of course it is#also inspired by my illness this week which i am certain is pollen induced im dying goku#i was gonna post a ficlet to go with this that'd include some extra bits but i spent all day drawing this i dont really have the time now#i guess i could still post it tomorrow or later tonight but w/e#despite this comic being very short im still finding issues with it.. lol... lmao even.. forcing myself to post it and be done with it tho#im gon be busy all week so please enjoy
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Mini Silverborn Countdown
If you’ve been around for a few years, you’ve seen me vaguely mention a “Silverborn Countdown Challenge” several times. It’s been delayed and changed as many times as the book itself, lol.
If anyone wants sort of a low-stakes, very chill and spaced out version of this ye olde never tackled challenge to complete in the next year before Silverborn, I propose what I’m doing:
Every 3 months leading up to the initial release, I am creating one thing based on each of the books.
January — Nevermoor
April — Wundersmith
July — Hollowpox
#nevermoor#nevermoor fanart#nevermoor fanfic#silverborn#silverborn countdown challenge#thank you theo for reminding me to post abt this on here. I am stealing the “mini” moniker (?) in return. lol.#this was in my drafts and I forgot to post it. happens a lot lol.#anyways if you’re reading this happy new years !#nine masterpost ver 1.0 dropping tomorrow evening prob bc I have had a headache all day and that’s the next time I’m free#now time to sleep. zzzzzz. perhaps I’ll have a prophetic silverborn dream. who knows.#I love giving myself set times to draw nevermoor things or just think about the series bc otherwise I go insane#literally thinking abt this stuff 24/7 it’s all I want to draw. But then I have to hold myself back + then end up never drawing anything lol#I have three big things planned for this like big pieces to work on over awhile and get myself out of my comfort zone#but idk what to draw for this first one. aahhhhh. excited for wundersmith and hollowpox though.#also I want to do a little animation for nevermoorian new years. which is on a leap day this year! how fun!!#I have an eternal nevermoor to-draw list that only gets bigger#sorry to the person that requested some Christmas stuff last year. I missed out and was gonna do it this year. then no time. so next year? 😅#also 🏆 to anyone that ever reads my ramblings in my tags. I am so insane about nevermoor especially. <333
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do you think every time he smells cigarettes larry gets sick thinking about adam
#mine#other#saw#I'm not talking about an Adam lives au I mean in canon#I mean we have that (now deleted) blog post about how he sees Adam every time he closes his eyes. why wouldn't the most powerful memory#trigger do that too? or worse?#maybe he starts smoking to remind himself of him. of what he left there#I'm gonna make MYSELF sick at this rate thinking abt this
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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There is nothing like journaling through your forgiveness list and then bawling your eyes out upon realizing the real person you have to forgive is yourself…
#don’t mind me#Isa is working through some trauma#but boy oh boy#I should’ve been a lot gentler to myself for many many years#so I’m gonna start being gentle to myself now okay?#general reminder to drink water and that I love you#sorry this isn’t a fun post about haechan or Intak or someone#but who else was I gonna share all my breakthroughs with?#isa-rambles
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I cannot rely on one person for me to be happy my happiness isn't allowed to be only triggered by one person I can be happy at every little thing it doesn't matter about this one person
#im in too far fucking deep again#and when he leaves again its gonna hurt just as much. but more.#finch posts#he makes me happy beyond belief and i goddamn love having a friend who knows me inside out and has done for so long#but. your love is my drug by kesha comes to mind. its fucking intoxicating talking to him#and last time he left (we were 12 and his parents moved their family) it made me kinda depressed and i was so fucking needy to talk to him#and now we're three and a half months into rekindling the friendship and i feel the same like i get really sad already >#>if i just dont talk to him for a couple of days without like a trip or friends or smthn else to entertain me#songs are starting to remind me of him#fuck fuck fuck#1am in the morning makes me too honrst#i think im still a bit (a lot) in love with them#ohmygod i dont even think it i know it#i should go to sleep earlier#it would stop me having so many thoughts#i havent seen him in multiple years but i can still imagine kissing him#oh fucking hell fuck my actual whole fucking life#and his closest friend where he lives now well they were starting to be a bit of a thing and surely its not fucking normal>#>to daydream about kissing a girl who ive literally never seen a photo of#holy fucking hell i am such a hopeless poly bisexual#WHY DONT WE REWRITE THE STARSSSS#oh this is circling round to my suspicions i might be kinda like demi romantic??#i should buy myself flowers . wait. no. i grow flowers 🫠#well i could still buy myself flowers . and i should#i need to go to the beach#cant wait to get a proper drivers license#if youve made it this far down my crisis hi youve gotten to the stage where u can tell what songs im listening to!
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