#gonna practice that next probably
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A Heart to Heart
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#Final Fantasy XIV#FFXIV#WoL x Erenville#X'vahl Tia#Erenvahl#huge chunks of dialogue my beloathed...#Lamaty'i like: Maybe I leave out the part where I thought I was going to die......... :3#This might seem like it didn't take very long for me to draft#but in truth it has been sitting in limbo just as long as the one I posted yesterday was#I just didn't want to post a rehash of MSQ with nothing to follow it for another month#so I forced myself to try to get these both out around the same time.#Anyway I suffer when I have to write this much dialogue#especially for a character I don't know as well#but it's good practice at least.#and while these are all supposed to center on Erenvahl#I wanted to get an outside perspective and Lamaty'i's is very important.#Honestly that short story couldn't have come at a better time#Anyway... there's gonna be a bit of a time skip between this and the next one probably#but just imagine that Erenville's trauma cutscene when he finds out about his mom happens between this and the next one#I'm not going to add that scene since it literally happens exactly how it happened in game#a part of me thinks I should for pacing but I'm not going to.
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[Crowd]
Learnt Pomni doesn't like touch and mind went into projection mode
behold, gay handholding equivalent
#these designs have crack in them i swear#how did i memorise pomni so quickly? why are they so fun to draw? what the fuck?#probably gonna post a ddlc scribble next i have drawn too much not ddlc in a row#art#fanart#digital art#buttercatrho art#tadc fanart#tadc pomni#tadc ragatha#the amazing digital circus#the digital circus#buttonblossom#after i realised this would not be a doodle i tried to trick myself into practicing backgrounds#emphasis on tried#but hey its something#pomni x ragatha
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Alright, I’m done with this. Didn’t feel like putting more detail on the bottom half. If you squint it actually looks like he has an iced drink. Wowwwwwww
#idk rendering is kinda fun it’s like I’m just painting until it looks okay but it takes forever for it to look okay#and then I don’t feel like it anymore#so I’m probably gonna stick to simple coloring but it is fun to practice!#my art#next gen#eirenelas
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"Him? Oh, you know, he's kind of a loser." - probably everyone except for his younger brother.
Germaine is based on the layer of hell (Dante's Inferno) for material wealth before self, others, and god. So basically very materialistic and possessive of his belongings. Unfortunately, his younger brother qualifies as a belonging in his mind. So he does his absolute best to keep his brother safe and sound and scratch free - which is a bit tough in a post apocalyptic setting but he mostly manages.
Also a fact I just like to mention: he is incapable of lying.
#my characters#germaine wellington#welp guess who watched an anime recently (its not complete) and the dad of the mc made em think of a loserman big brother oc#its me! correct! the dad just reminded me a bit of germaine and i blame appearances mostly but also the dad was kind of a loser (i love him#and germaine does practically raise tremaine which further messes up their absolutely awful codependency#like yeah both brothers would kill for many reasons (survival and resources mainly) but !#if tremaine lost germaine hed probably cry and become incapable of moving on and eventually just dying w no reason to live#but if germaine lost tremaine hed go insane cause no no no thats HIS brother and hed start blaming everyone#and lose all rationale and logic while hes actually one of the most logic based in the group#hes a loser but dont let him lose things or he loses it more#but when hes really mad at tremaine for whatever reason his best friend is like uh huh what are you gonna do about it#and germaine is like........... we both know i will sigh and accept it and probably pat him on the head next i see him#which is incredibly honest and exactly what he does because yeah hes mad but even mad he cannot say#im gonna slap some sense into him because thats a lie he wouldn't hurt his brother#everyone in their group knows he cant lie so when he gets hesitant after being asked something they just know#hes trying to plot the best way to skirt the answer bc its apparently Not Good#he looks angry and annoyed often but its just resting bitch face#he lights up when he sees tremaine and he lightens up a little with his best friend#like lil smiles for his bestie and brother but when talking ABOUT his brother? he lights up and beams because hes so proud#of the coolest and smartest thing in his life (his brother)
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I would like to thank that one band and that one hockey player for single-handedly giving me reasons to keep going when I had 'cry + feel pathetic + hate yourself' scheduled on my calendar from this day forward until the end of everything
#sure BC may be my current obsession and my number one reason to keep going but lisstennnnn#i have loved this man since. idk. 2004? 2005? in any case that's like. twenty fucking years. more than half of my stupid cursed life#he's probably gonna retire soon but for next season he's coming back to play in his home team as the captain and as one of the owners#''as one of the owners'' is crucial here because that allows him to play with practically no salary#let me repeat that for you: he will play with no salary. they will not pay him for playing next season#he'll play for free. out of love for his team 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i have and will never love a man more than i love him. the love of my entire life. you don't understandddddd#edit. did i mention his team is not even in the top division? because yeah#he's in the triple gold club and he's coming back to play in the 2nd highest league in the country. he is unreal
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That said I brought yarn and a crochet hook but the yarn needs to be knit (found that out after crocheting the whole thing and finding its tiny, so at least I will get a lot more yardage knit) and my cotton spinning, except the cotton got wet bc its raining and it turns out I can't draft it nearly so thin until it dries more. So I'm just sitting at my desk staring into space today. Damn it.
#ill probably go back to spinning anyway since the thickness is already all over the place#its just for practice and the next one im gonna try and get very very very thin if i can#forgot to set my earliest alarm so i didnt have time to grab stuff#unfortunately. i lost my wonderful hat.#and what i need to do is knit another one but i gotta compile some yarn for it
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cooking mushrooms feels weird now that i know more about fungi. i have this being of decay (personsonable & miaislying, 2018) chopped up into thin slices on my nonstick frying pan, and im sauteéing this thing, i guess. these organisms for the several blessed years of childhood i understood to be plants (because they dont move and they're in the produce section of grocery stores, duh) before i was hit by the harsh realities of the classifications of life in middle school. as years progressed i learned that on the cellular level they're a lot more similar to animal cells than they are to plants, but the button mushrooms sizzling and shrinking away on my pan don't bleed, do they. i think it would be pretty fucking metal if they did (i am aware of the strawberries and cream fungus but apparently it "tastes so bitter as to be inedible" (Fearnley, 2016) and that makes me want to scream and cry). at some point our ancestors diverged and here we are today still interacting in ways that are coded into our very beings. i consume fungi and i suppose in the end they will consume me too. and it's not that i feel guilt for eating a fellow organism. i still eat meat, and i definitely eat plants, so i have no qualms about eating these non-animal-non-plant weirdos. and yeah, the fact that fungi are, in fact, a separate kingdom from both me and the garlic i sauteed it with shouldn't be so groundbreaking of revelations but i can't control my emotions to things, okay, that's not the point. but here in my parents' kitchen the contents of my pan have turned to a passionless shade of brown and i just think about how weird fungi are (and they're everywhere oh my god) and that i should probably finish reading that fungi book by sheldrake but it's time for me to dump these bastards on a bowl of rice and go yummy yum yum
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References
Fearnley, K. (2016, July 5). Weird & Wonderful Creatures: Bleeding Tooth Fungus. AAAS; American Association for the Advancement of Science. https://www.aaas.org/news/weird-wonderful-creatures-bleeding-tooth-fungus
personsonable & miaislying. (2018, June 16). me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit. Tumblr. https://www.tumblr.com/miaislying/174932522589/forest-of-stars-and-wind-miaislying?source=share
#If I got the citations wrong I am so sorry#I haven't had to cite anything since like this february?? and I'm rusty and I thought I should practice.#also I've never cited a blog post before. this is somethign i should probably brush up on. fascinating#anyways im studying bio at uni from this autumn and I am very interested in fungi (fascinating) but also biology as a whole is really cool#and i don't know what to do with my life so I'm gonna hope that i figure it out during the next four years or so
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more photography! this time its a sunrise. i remember catchin a glimpse of the sky through the window while i was pacin in the kitchen and the telltale signs of a beautiful pink mornin and immediately turnin around and runnin to grab my camera before the sun could get over the horizon
that was actually a pretty bad day too. but i got some really dope pictures outta it anyways
#my art#photography#sunrise#its been a bad day!! really bad!! i keep wildly flip floppin between grief and despair and determination and hope and complete and total#numbness. but! i have pretty pictures on my camera roll from a week ago. there was beauty last week and there will be beauty next week#and i wanna see it. so im gonna make it to next week 💪💪#i went out n took more pictures today too so maybe next week ill post those#also ive BEEN drawing its just all practice shit that im embarrassed about. but i have a goofy idea thatd probably be good to do now but!!#anyways thats the post i hope you stay safe remember to never drop your crown but if you do dont worry its bc metal you can just dust it of
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Dancingheart IS the main character btw. Frondstar told me so
Dancingheart is 100% clan favorite. I don't think there's a single cat who dislikes her (at least last I checked, I mean she was literally honoured for her friendliness)
And you joke but Frondstar probably would agree she even likes her more than her own adopted daughter LMAO
#asks#anon#Frond and Cave have a very... complicated relationship clearly#but Dancingheart? beloved by all. atp Grayswan and Burrfade probably see her as family. If Streapaw hadn't died they would've been close#she is my favorite cat to draw too fyi next moon is practically all about her#in fact she's probably gonna be in most moons. for flavor. because I love her and a lot of cats are gonna need her soon :)
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#tko_art 25#my whole left leg hurts#gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#there's still sum wrong with this i think#hmmmmmmmmmmm#the lips are probably too big#and the smile line on the bottom is probably wrong curve#tomorrow problems#and rendering this will look so different hahahaha#and i still have to draw armor on her hahhahaha#based off another drawing that i had#idk why she's purple don't ask me#that's a problem for future kib#and the angle for her neck is probably too harsh#ugh i don't know anatomy#frowny emoji >:(#anyway this is just rendering practice#next time i have to do a two body problem#i can't draw two things in orbit#it's so sad n depressing#but that's probably... bc of ... perspective???#ughhhhhh#it all leads back to her >:(#drawing her likeness was a tad easier#took me less time too#zzzzz#gonna go put my leg in a coma
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last post i reblogged got me thinkin about how DRAMATIC the lives of my dolls used to be. my main dollhouse storyline was that the dollhouse was actually a resort hotel with a hot tub (bowl of warm water) and all sorts of other features, and there were two main families on vacation there, staying in rooms side by side, leading vastly different lives otherwise. except the parents of both families all knew each other as kids and were all secretly in love and have been thinking about each other for years, but they had a huge falling out and swore to never see each other again so when they find out they’re all staying there they try their best to avoid contact…. but while on vacation there’s a major natural disaster (usually all of them mixed into one), and two of the kids (one from each family, the youngest smallest weakest most pathetic children) go missing and the rest of them are barricaded in their room due to earthquakes and flooding and fires, and one parent from each family swaps and two of them go on a rescue mission while the others try to get out of the rooms, all while the kids are learning to get along despite their differences, and the parents realise that they got the fathers mixed up originally and now they don’t know whose real parents are whose, and also actually the resort ends up being under a terrorist/hostage situation, and the parents that are on the rescue mission keep almost dying and saving each other….. and then by the end of it the parents realise they’re all 4 in love and should just be a blended family and all the kids get to be siblings with 4 parents and live in a mansion together. but they all have ptsd from the events of their vacation and end up all sleeping in one room together forever.
and then i’d do it all over again
#also someone always gave birth unexpectedly but my mom was pregnant at the time so that’s probably why#and then when i stopped playing dollhouse for the night i’d pretend i was a starving abandoned orphan with amnesia#that broke into a boarding school for food and shelter. so i’d ‘steal’ my food and go eat it while hidden#but eventually she would realise she was the family of royals who were also spies And she had secret powers#and by the time the helicopter showed up to get her (swinging rope ladder) she was just figuring them out and the bad guys were onto her#so she’d jump from the helicopter into the ocean (we had a pool) and fight the waves until she dragged herself onto land#and found a magic tree (willow tree in front yard) that healed her#and then she’d finally arrive at the safe house where she could get a safe night’s sleep#the next day i’d be like ok i need a break from that. today i’m a pilgrim on the oregon trail whose about to get teleported into a rom com.#*who’s#but first i have to do a photoshoot with my american girl dolls for this month’s theme#& when i get tired of that i will watch kim possible. & organize all these polly pocket clothes into little colour coded piles. to relax#and then i’d be like wait should i be famous one day? i should write a song and practice my signature a few hundred times just in case.#actually on second thought i’m gonna read a whole book series today#like where did she go how did she have so much brain space to do so many things#now i’m like guess i’ll overthink until i get a migraine and then organize pinterest boards for a while#tbf i’m still doing things to The Characters i just don’t also sit on top of the car in the rain pretending i’m fixing a plane’s wing#like the boredom is still there but the energy levels are WAY down#2025 goals: let that little weirdo play again. somehow
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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today i tried to code more
#ik it looks very simple but im gonna make it look nice i swear!!#at least thats the plan lol#but im focusing on databases next to hold the different bfs that can be collected#run now if u dont wanna read a bunch of technical stuff....#main focus is on scary stuff until im confident i can have this site up and fuctional (tho ill draw here and there lol)#ive messed with and learned sql before but havent used it in any practical way#so setting this up is probably not going to be the fastest process#especially since ive never mixed images and databases before#im assuming u save the images to a folder and can just call them from there#every single bf on the site will have a unique id so that makes things much easier#tho i wanna make it so ppl can like decorate their bfs and stuff#dress them up and put backgrounds and items on them#so im wondering how you save those items on the bfs....#and it cant just be a screenshot cause the user should be able to access it again later and move stuff around#web development#anyways yea thats my update for today!#im kind of out of my realm but i dont care this is happening#i dont even care if 5 ppl r interested in this i just wanna succeed at making this whew#but yea i just want that kind of earlier website vibe#specifically like old neopets#or how cs looks right now#so im not gonna like get too overwhelmed!#im doing everything using html and css and js and php i think
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happy bday to me! 🎂🥳🎉
for this very special day i wanted to list and compare the presents and interactions i got in the mobile games ive been playing consistently lmao
under cut cause the pics are big
Time Princess A letter with 10 golden tickets, 100 stamina, and 10000 coins
Obey Me! Nightbringer 1 UR+, UR, and SSR Joker each 3 Demon Vouchers 30 Karma Points 200 AP 30000 Grim 50 Devil Points Along with a bday video, birthday calls from the characters throughout the day and a UR guarantee for a 10 pull There's half-off on Devil Tree unlocks There's also special birthday dialogue in the Surprise Guests: -- the first Surprise Guest I did gave me 30 more Devil Points -- and you can press anywhere on the boys and get max hearts :]
What in HELL is Bad They haven't implemented bday stuff yet so nothing (´。_。`)
Twisted Wonderland A Happy Birthday from the character you have set as your favorite card and a Tenfold Key Set (for rolls)
and last but not least.....*drum roll* 🥁🥁🥁 Love and Deepsace! Special Happy Birthdays from each guy which include them singing happy birthday to you :3 Birthday Dialogue on the home screen Presents from each one (items you can use to decorate their desks) 500 Diamonds 5 Empyrean Wishes 1 Bottle of Wishes: SSR 1 Energy Capsule: Powerful And 2 birthday stickers
#so whb is technically in last place but since its a newer game ill let it pass this year#so time princess is next in line for last place#its a fine gift but since they dont have any characters saying happy birthday it doesnt do much for me#nightbringer kinda surprised me!#i was expecting a call and some devil points#but this is a lot more then i expected :3c#also i go crazy for free UR+ Jokers#i was thinking of adding regular obey me but decided to skip it since i only really just log in for dailies for the most part#(and i dont even do that everyday if im not feeling it)#also theyre practically the same minus the calls (but i have the old ones that i havent listened to yet still)#twst was cute nothing too crazy#(thank you for ur presence lilia)#i liked love and deepspaces happy bdays from the characters a lot because they sang lmao 😭#also i feel very special from them saying all this nice stuff about hoping that i get what i want and that i stay healthy and stuff dwsiiws#it feels like obey me has more in character interactions BUT when i think it about it more#deepspace has the models actually hand you gifts#also the moment you have with the characters feels more personal#but tbf theres more obey me characters and you do get those calls throughout the whole day! (also they give more stuff imo)#so i cant really pick which one i liked more :d#dutp#obey me nightbringer#twisted wonderland#love and deepspace#im now 26....#oh jeez#long post#still doing the same shit i was doing in middle school uashusha (i mean playing dating games)#my personality has refined over the years tho#anyways im gonna celebrate tomorrow with my family :]#this is the end of my post tho ill probably post about the asmo phone call later
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I love you all so much words cannot describe
#rambling#chapter 33 DONE btw#and that's probably as far as I'm gonna get for the next like. week#bc metaphor refantazio comes out tomorrow!!!!#anyways#goodnight everyone#I am so fucking close to the end I can practically taste it
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if u think ao3 author curse isn’t real rest assured it WILL get you eventually. i posted a fic last night and was already getting ready to start a new one today and yk what happened !!! i was doing a box jump at wrestling practice after school and SPLIT MY SHIN OPEN
#im ngl ik it was mostly the adrenaline and shock but that was the closest i ever felt to dying#akechi nui saw all this happen from where he sat on my backpack in the corner of the weight room#i hate box jumps all my homies hate box jumps#my practice partner: do you at least want to go get ice at the trainer?#me: nah im fine lemme just catch my breath for a little#proceeds to see white as my shin gushes blood#ya dw i did go to the trainer. thank god there weren’t many other athletes there bc i was lwk hyperventilating#a student trainer had a shirt that said ‘old habits die screaming’ so i started rambling about how much i love t swift and the black dog#and how i was probably going to scream like she does in that song when the alcohol wipe goes on my cut#yahhh im fine though!!! trainer said it’s just gonna be really sore and bruised for the next few days#so no practice for me for 3-5 days :(#but at least it happened now and the middle of december (peak season) lol !!!#ao3 author curse#ao3#closest i have ever come to passing out. idk how people faint on the regular without fear bc that shit was SCARY.
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