#gonna go to bed but will schedule a couple reblogs

[svt-kiki]

　✶　DROWN TO DEPTH　｡｡　𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗏𝗈𝗂𝖽 𝗂𝗌 𝖻𝗈𝗍𝗍𝗈𝗆𝗅𝖾𝗌𝗌

　💿 ⌇ 𝖠𝗇 𝖮𝖽𝖾 𝖾𝗋𝖺.　

2020.　세븐틴 × kiki ( fem!oc )　wc.　4.9k　𝗋𝖾𝗊 !

cw.　mentions of depression / anxiety / seungcheol & jeonghan’s hiatus and other members unwell, kiki basically neglecting her mental health, implies slight memory impairment cause of stress

an.　i’ve got scenario reqs for kiki’s hiatus and sickfic ages ago so just combined them both, sorry to take so long :’) + tried to do with all members but run out energy 😔 hope u enjoy !

REBLOG & FEEDBACK are always welcomed 🪽 ͗ ͗

kiki hasn’t been remembering the last time she slept and woke up without any worries. 

it had to be refreshing morning. despite the keen and crisp air, clean linens — white sheets and pillows trying to swallow her mind and motivation. 

kiki kept staring at the ceiling of the hotel room for a while. she hardly could gather the thoughts. what i should do today? rehearsal, of course. re-check the formation and share the changes with staffs and members. everyone already got used to the 12 or 13 members version since seungcheol and jeonghan’s hiatus, but even that fact made her stomach heavier. besides, they all needed to make sure which formation depended on the members’ condition each day. of course, kiki never mind the change itself. but she hates how they need to think about “are boys gonna be okay today? or someone became sick and couldn’t attend the stage, again?” every time before the stage these days. kiki never thought the tour can be this harsh — or, more precisely, cruel. 

she hates the boys’ suffer way more than the burden of herself. she hates how more than half of them need to go through illness at least once during this tour. the schedule is killing them, she thought. they experienced something like this before on their early career days, murder-ish busyness. but this time it’s different, somehow. 

she doesn’t feel well. 

“kiki?” seungcheol called her name when he saw the girl came out from the hotel room as if she’s crawling out. “good mor- are you okay?”

her eyes. the light in her eyes, it’s just so dull and blurred now. she slowly stared at him, looked like forgot how to say “good morning,” and it made seungcheol terrified. 

“cheol,” she mumbled. “hi, i just… i need to go to the meeting.”

“what meeting?”

“today’s concert, of course.”

“…we don’t have a concert today.”

at that moment — he knew. this is so fucking wrong. like everyone kinda notice something is off with her recently, or this past months. but it was unclear, her situation was vague, got lost in the ongoing schedules like a broken machine. 

“what do you mean we don’t have?” she was genuinely confused. “wait, today’s... 23rd, right?”

“no,” seungcheol felt dizzy, noticing that sounded more like her symptoms. “today is 24th of january. you don’t remember we finished north america tour yesterday?”

“i-“ she frowned the eyebrows. “wait, really? oh i... i must’ve mistaken. sorry,” then kiki finally noticed what his face looked like. “don’t worry. i’m just a bit, tired, you know...” she waved his gaze away from her. “so it means i still can sleep?”

“uh, yeah, i think so. about couple hours... hyelim nim said we’ll set off at 11 or something yesterday.”

she just nodded and head back to the room. “see you later.”

seungcheol just kept staring at the door for a second, tried to find clue to this situation on there, which was never founded. 

DAY 1 - 8:11 AM

fuck, she thought. 

kiki gazed down at the lockscreen. january 24th, 8:11 am. she literally overlooked. her body was absorbed to the bed, once again. 

the thing — her memory being fucked up, happening time to time these days. mostly it was only couple minutes or little more. her mind suddenly went blank and couldn’t remember what she was doing last minutes. 

the gravity is like ten times stronger then usual. feels like someone trying to glue herself onto the ground.

knock knock, the door made small sounds. seungcheol popped out his head from the crack. “may i come in?”

kiki didn’t answered but he already slided himself into the room. the curtain was almost closed and the slit of the light was silently thrown on the floor to the bed. 

“you feel tired?”

“yes... a little,”

he then frowned his eyebrows, hovered over her. “you look... so pale.” his thumb caressed her cheek down to the jaw. kiki was just blinking slowly, her eyes didn’t follow his movements, just staring at his tip of nose with a fainted gaze. her cheek got all thin, the rosy hue something reminded the soft shade of sunsets that usually stayed there was now covered with frosty snow color. “i’m fine.” she repeated the words like the broken records. 

at this point, it was his feelings that had a fever. she had always been like this. always pushed herself too much. usually kiki knew how to hang in there, tip toeing around the last borderline but never across because that would lead to the exact outcome she didn’t want to be. she knew how to take care herself and control the condition. 

but not this time. everyone sensed something was going wrong. she was like a ghost in outside of the stage these days. her presence was pretty much stale and the face sagged. so unlike her. the cloud of fatigue took the ray of sunshine away. “do you sleep properly these days?”

“not much, like everyone else. all the kids had poor health during this tour. i’m no special, you know it.”

“kiki,” seungcheol couldn’t help but started to feel irritate. “you should stop thinking like that. you are no special, that’s why you also feel unwell if you couldn’t rest properly. that’s natural, nothing strange. you need to take rest.”

“that’s why i’m lying on the bed. can’t you see?”

“kyoka.” she pressed her lips tightly. the way he called, how the tone of his voice echoed through her head, this was the way seungcheol used when he need to point out something to her seriously. kiki also knew she should do something with current situation. but the nonstop cycle of transfers, meetings, adjustments and performances just cornered her until she loose her mind underwater. of course she poured her soul into each lives. yet the pillar of her heart snapped as soon as she got off from the stage these days. the mind started to become numb. the bones and nerves signaled pain but ignored it.

he laid down on her next. the body started losing the tension after seungcheol tried to hug and rub her upper body softly. kiki felt asleep shortly after. seungcheol kept staring at her face for a while before woke up and silently left her room. 

he then knocked the room which was not kiki’s, or even his. park minji, the manager who is close to kiki appeared from behind the door. 

“coups? good morning... what’s wrong?”

“kiki,” he said in rush, continued before minji tilted her head in confusion. “i think she needs to take a rest, a day or maybe more before get on the plane.” for a moment, he thought she might throw a confusing look as if trying to say “what are you talking about?” but unlike his bitter imagination, minji’s eyes took on the seriousness immediately. “is she alright?” 

“kinda, only for now in my opinion.”

seems like the woman gathering the thoughts quickly before leaning towards the door frame. she said, “you think so? she wore me down few days ago to accomplish this tour instead she’ll cut off some tasks and get some rest after we back to korea, i didn’t have a choice but agree since she insisted so firmly,” minji bit her lip out of regrets, thinking she shouldn’t listen to her for this time. 

“she was just trying to head for the meetings, thought today is 23rd. her mind seemed so woolly, it doesn’t look like she’s okay at all, noona.” seungcheol then added shortly after, “also i think she will get a fever within a day. i kinda aware about these things, hers.”

she then opened the door wider to let him in before make a phone calls. “hi, sorry if i wake you up. no, not that... actually it’s about kiki — yes, i was thinking, maybe we can delay her flight? like couple days, hopefully… no, not yet for now but... yes, likely. uh huh, yes, of course. thank you… oh i can do that, yeah. no problem. okay, later.”

she held the gaze of him. “i just called the chief, they will search the flight and book some doctor’s appointments. i will contact to other members.”

“let’s call them in here. i think they want to discuss what we will do.”

“what you mean discuss?” she replied with a searching tone this time around.

“you’ll see.” he quietly said. “trust me for this, noona.”

after about ten minutes, all other band members gathered in minji’s room. most of them had been half asleep, closing their eyes or rubbing their faces trying to rid off the drowsiness until they heard it’s a serious matter of kiki. 

“what’s wrong with her?” mingyu broke the ice while bending his brows. “is everything okay?”

“she seems bit unwell, actually.” minji replied with a perfectly controlled voice tone. “we discussed maybe it’s better for her to take some rests before gets on a plane to korea.”

“okay,” seungkwan nodded with a concerned face. “are there some schedules for her this week? right after the supposed return to korea?”

“not that much. i will adjust that so it won’t affect others schedules or anything, so don’t worry.”

“i’m not worrying about ours... i thought she will feel responsible more then she should if such things happened,” he said in a bit of defense.

“i know seungkwanna,” jeonghan said with a soften voice. “how’s she doing?”

“she woke up an hour ago then fell back asleep now,” seungcheol answered.

“we also talked that it’s better for her to get doctor’s visit. i would keep in touch and update the info if there’s anything to let you know.”

“i think it’s a good idea,” minghao stated while playing with his sleeves. his face was almost covered fully by the hoodie but the tranquil voice somehow reached well to everyone’s ears. “she seemed so tired these days. i think we all bit frustrated because she obviously need some rests if you see her on outside of the stage, yet she do the concert perfectly every time, so we can’t find the excuse to persuade her to get some rest.”

“yeah,” jun nodded. “this tour is hard for all, and some of us couldn’t attend the stage almost each nights by turns. but it doesn’t mean the one who gets on the stage isn’t exhausted.”

jun and minghao, add joshua, the foreigner line — their bond and connections are always special. they shared the obstacle and struggles only they can share with each other. usually they weren’t the most copious talker among the group, but when it comes to kiki, the case would be different. 

“it’s always the hardest thing to tell her to back off from the job,” chan lower his gaze while scratching the back of his neck. “no doubt,” vernon let out the slightest chuckle.

“right? like, she kinda pushing workaholic agenda too much!” chan responded and everyone couldn’t hold their laugh that he sounded like so overwhelmed from bottom of his heart.

“alright, alright,” soonyoung gestured to calm everyone while trying to stop smiling since its a serious discussion. “now, what we gonna do?”

“you guys will back to korea following the original schedule,” minji answered, shooting a questioning look to the boys. “what do you even mean by that?”

“you mean... leave kiki in here? alone?” joshua asked quietly. minji tried to say yes — then realized. her gaze went back to seungcheol. he was just staring back at her, telling “i told you.” without using words. 

“but that’s... she’s sick, right?” mingyu tilted his head with confusion. “we can’t leave her.”

“of course it’s not entirely alone,” minji couldn’t help but let out the tiny sigh, brushing her hair back. “some of staffs including me will stay with her, make sure she will be okay.” 

a few moments of silent. the boys exchanged gaze with each other. they ain’t say a thing but the lack of words were speaking their claims more than anything. at that moment, the boy with a glass, who had been remained silent since he entered this room opened his mouth. “we don’t have schedules for few days after we head back to korea.” wonwoo said while turning off his phone, finished checking the group’s schedules. “we can stay with her.”

minji was both stressed and felt in her heart at the same time. the way these kids care and love each other — no matter how many years has passed, their bond grow stronger day by day. they are so sincere. however, if this was all about the ask that didn’t sound like reasonable at all, it’s a different story. 

“kids,” she gave up to hide the distress at this point. “i get you guys care about kiki so deeply, but think straight. we can’t just delay everyone’s flights for this. it’s unrealistic and preposterous. you know that, right?”

“the staffs and everyone can back to korea on schedule. just we will go back with kiki and the staffs, noona, the people who will stay with her. it’s not that crazy.” mingyu insisted, before jeonghan supported his opinion as “that’s right. we can’t take care of ourself. it will make us sick if we leave her alone while she’s in suffer.”

minji almost had done the face palm. it’s hard to say no when mingyu and jeonghan team up like this. they were both clever and smartest in seventeen. if the opponent was cold hearted cunning topsiders, it would be different. but minji also loves them after all. it’s hard for her when she can be in their shoes. besides — minji’s eyes went back to seungcheol again. he’s not even coming out yet. 

she let out a not-so-small-sigh as if waving the white flag. “alright, i’ll discuss with the chief first. but you guys better start packing the luggage since this isn’t the final decision yet, understand?”

“of course noona,” seungcheol grinned that looked like a smirk. “we will be a good boy...”

DAY 1 - 10:56 AM

she woke up from a cold chill. kiki tried to shook her head and wave off a bad feeling before groped the phone and check what time is it.  

“you awake?”

she slowly tuned at the someone’s voice from the behind. 

“jihoona...?” her voice was cracking, raspy. “what time is it? what about the flight?” jihoon put a restraining hand to her. “there’s a delay on the flight. we will stay here two more days, so don’t worry.” 

she then loosen the tension of her body, but the eyes still shooting him with a questioning look. “really? the weather looks fine tho,” he just shrugged as if didn’t matter. “i don’t know the details. maybe there has some trouble on the plane or something, i don’t know.”

“if that’s so...” her body sunk down to the mattress. “did you eat anything today?”

“not yet. some of them went down to the restaurant a while ago but i wasn’t hungry so i thought wait for you then share some meals.”

“i don’t feel to eat anything right now, you should eat something.”

“then i’ll eat here. is that okay?”

kiki blinked slowly, bit puzzled at the same time. he was kinda independent personality among the boys, had no problem with eat alone or spending time by himself in general. the way he asked for permission carefully like this was tend to irregular, whereas it’s not that strange to have the meals together. 

“sure, be my company.” she slowly gets up on the bed. she was listening absently to he ordering the room service over the phone. after hang up the call, jihoon looked back her and said, “could you stay up until 12 AM? minji noona said they booked the doctor’s appointment at that time.”

“i think so,” she felt half drowsy but nodded at his words. they heard the door chime shortly after, jihoon let the staff in and placed the table near by the bed. 

“there’s tomato soup in the menu so i ordered with some breads alongside the dishes for mine.” jihoon said as glancing up at her. “still not hungry?”

no, she’s not hungry yet, even after smelled the dishes in the air. but her brain started working finally, lead her to sit on the edge of the bed to eat, thought she should eat to take some nourishment since she barely eating anything from last night. 

“thanks. i’ll eat some,”

“good. you can have a bite from mine if you want.”

shortly after she started to take a sip from the spoon, someone knocked the door and vernon poked his head out from the door. 

“hey noona,” the younger boy slipped himself into the room. “how you feeling?

at this point, she finally realized her condition was a bit serious than she thought, in a bad way. the contrast of both jihoon and vernon made into actions about their worrying like this is far more than usual — not that they’re cold hearted person or anything, it’s about how different the way they cared about her. 

“i’m fine.”

but vernon walked straight up to her as if he didn’t heard the words. he gently placed a hand on her forehead and said, “bit feverish.”

“no i don’t.”

“noona, come on now.” the boy with a bit messy brown hair clearly trying to soothe her now. “you are not dumb enough to be unaware for your own conditions. just gave up and admit you don’t feel well. let us spoil you for once.”

“but you guys are tired too, why only i can stay still in bed like this,”

“we will also stay in bed and rest as much as we want, we don’t miss the opportunity. don’t worry about that.”

he smirked with a small hint of concern. 

“...okay.”

they all knew she wasn’t fully convinced. but for now this is the small victory. 

“just stop thinking about the job, okay?”

“i’ll try.”

“fine.”

he then turned his face to jihoon. “can we talk later about the track?”

“yeah, sure.”

DAY 1 - 1:06 PM

after the doctor’s examination, she was diagnosed as poor physical condition due to overwork and overuse of the autonomic nervous system. they strictly told them to get some proper rest, hopefully a week long.

“no,” kiki opposed weakly after received an i.v. “there’s so many things to do after i back to korea. we need to discuss the final design for the physical album package and edit new music video, also —”

“yes.” minji retorted decidedly, almost scolding her. “i’ll contract the team and adjust the work plan. they’ll understand. this is nonnegotiable.”

kiki didn’t said back anything, but that made joshua a bit anxious. he was there for the whole process with her. he could sense she felt a slight despair, thought she let others down, useless. 

“would you stay with her for a while?”

“yeah, no problem.”

the doctor also warned, she might have some fever tonight since i.v. won’t help to reduce the psychological stress. “i’m sick of this,” she murmured in the room minji left. they both got a whiff of her cologne in arid air of hotel. 

“you blaming yourself without any good reasons,” joshua tried to make a serious pitch. “it’s hard to see like you — not about the physical conditions, but the way you punish yourself like this. don’t you get how it hurts us? it’s a bit too much, kit-kat,” 

joshua’s voice, mixture of breaths — she covered her face with palms. “i know, i know i need to stop — but it’s hard. it’s getting harder day by day recently. why i can’t stop this? this — fucked up cycles?”

“you really do need a rest,” he caressed her bangs as she bit own lips in bitter feelings. 

“maybe i do.”

DAY 1 - 3:27 PM

“how’s noona?” soonyoung asked mingyu in the hallway. he was just getting out from her room. “it’s still low grade... but i think it’ll get more higher.”

“right... does she sleeping?”

“kinda? i mean, she just fell into. we need to cool her body and... keep hydrated if she woke again.”

“uh huh,” he nodded to mingyu but his mind was flying around her, and mingyu got that too. 

“it reminds the old days, isn’t it?” mingyu turned a bitter smile to the main dancer. his physique was nothing but masculine, strong and sturdy, but it was all facade now. almost had a vision of the dog ears hanging down on his head in soonyoung’s eyes. “if you think about, noona was always the one being cared for, not the one being taken care of, you know? it was pretty rare to see she being sick... how can that happen? everyone can get sick, that’s normal.”

“she’s very stoic... must’ve controlling her condition pretty carefully,” soonyoung leaned on the wall. 

“she won’t be like this at first place if she’s not this exhausted. she’ll let herself be sick so that she can get better. it’s... different, you know,” mini nodded, bites his lips. “i can’t get off the idea that we... might let be too late this time, she’s way beyond her limits.”

although the whole situation’s like the runaway train with a broken brake — no one knows how to stop it, able to do nothing but just watching it falls out from the cliff. all the boys felt bitter and responsible for let this happen, even it has nothing to do with them. 

DAY 1 - 6:07 PM

“kiki?” jeonghan’s voice tickles her ears. “you awake?” she still closing her eyes, unable to respond because not awake that much, but she can feel he bends over to check her expression because of the flickering of lights that she can sense through her eyelids. 

“how’s she?” it was minghao’s voice. then she finds out some coldness is on her forehead. “hao...?” kiki coughs but tries to voicing out her mind as much as possible. “hanni? is that you?” 

“yes kyo,” jeonghan’s sweet voice really works to calm her heart. limbs growing heavy. the whole vines and bones aching. the head is pounding. her whole body feels like burning, but kiki somehow felt peace. perhaps she finally accepts that she’s not well, not at all. “how you feeling?”

“cold...” she barely thought, so even herself surprised that she actually felt that way as she uttered. it feels like freezing. “i’m so cold.” she opened up her eyes. minghao wipes sweats out from her neck. “but it’s so hot,”

“i know noona. come on, drink some water,” he carefully hands the opened bottle. “you sweating a lot.”

it feels like a thousand years ago since last time she drink the water. the cold liquid flows down to her body through the throat, feels so nice. “i know you don’t feel well, but you need to eat something to take the pill. we bought fruit jelly, pudding, instant noodle, soup and popsicle.” 

“that’s many,” she laughed weakly. her cheeks are like a tomato to boys’ eyes. she must feels terrible, but somehow it also looked like kiki relieves at the same time. “maybe... maybe the soup, or jelly.”

“got it, i’ll bring to you.” minghao left from her sight. she slowly turned to jeonghan, who checking the cooling gel sheet mingyu miraculously found on the drugstore in neighbor is still cold enough. “you are sweating. maybe it’s good for you to wipe with clean towel and change some clothes now, so that back to sleep comfortable. you think you can do it?” 

“maybe,” she said before jeonghan nodded as “good.” 

minghao went back to her shortly after. jeonghan helped her to wake up her upper body, lean on the head board. she didn’t understand that much taste of consommé, but just eat something felt like a most exhausting labor. after she ate half of the orange jelly, minghao carefully observed she swallows every pills. 

“oh, and don’t forget to take a temperature.” jeonghan suddenly realized both completely forgot about that, said with a surprise how dumb they could be. “huh, 38.9 degree... it seems like not the highest.”

“yeah, maybe it’ll get more higher.” kiki nodded, said, “but once hit the highest, then it will go down eventually. just need a bit more patience.” minghao bites his lower lip. why she doesn’t stop to sooth us even like this time? are we that unreliable? 

“myeongho ya.” jeonghan gently calls the dancer boy. “it’s her body, she knows well about it. i was thinking maybe she can clean her body and change, you know?” minghao then realized it’s his consideration. “ah, yes... i’ll tell noona’s conditions to others.” 

“...i felt i did something wrong,” kiki murmured after he left the room. her speak was fuzzy, but the senses still sharp. jeonghan giggled about that, answered, “it’s okay, you are just being noona. now stop thinking and start changing, idiot.”

DAY 2 - 01:27 AM

something nice woke up kiki’s mind, brought it to the surface. something calm, soothing, make her feel like a home.

it’s a smell of the lavender. 

her world is dark, almost unable to see what’s in the room. she fumbled for her phone. it tells the date had changed already. after almost 7 hours of sleep, she feels somewhat better. there’s still dull weights on her core, but feels a step ahead to okay. then kiki saw the steam was billowing out of the white machine, found out that was what the nice aroma was all about. 

the door had opened with small noises. it was jun. “oh, sorry. did i wake you up?” 

“no, i just got awake. nice smell,” she waved her hand toward the humidifier. “is that you?”

“kinda. it was vernon who made a call to the reception.” he shrugged as if someone found the prank he had planned. jun reached kiki’s forehead, found out her gel sheet is clearly not cool enough and the tips are all dry. “i’ll grab another one. you want something?”

“uhm, something hot drink would be nice, if you have some,”

“okay, i’ll find something.”

it was a chamomile tea he brought to her shortly after, but the scent was more sweet than just tea. “i called my mom after the dinner, asked her how to make honey tea she usually made for me or my brother when we got sick. i couldn’t recreate perfectly tho — like it’s a teabag but, yeah.”

“wow... thank you. smells so nice,” she could let out a small smile like a sigh. the aroma of herb and honey permeated into her exhausted spine. the moment like this, it felt ages ago that she last spent time with them like this outside of schedules. just sits down and talking, no any stress or extra. 

it hits different. 

the taste of the honey melted on her tongue. it nothing but helped to ease the ick in her throat which was sitting through the entire day since the morning. kiki feels like she’s in the bottom of deep, deep hole. all black and the dark clings all the way to her shoulders to limbs. feels helpless. 

“still awake?” she asks jun, tries to hide the sniffle and teary eyes. “well, yep. the game i recently found — it’s really fun,” he rambles as scratching the back of head, knowing kiki isn’t always happy about her stay awake in late night because of the game. she never directly pointed out tho — because both knew it was kinda too much for the adult young man who is completely responsible for his own actions — but they also knew, sometimes caring and love could be a bit annoying. 

however, unlike his prediction, she just hummed with a smile at his guilty pleasure. he added in haste, “i know. i’ll make sure i won’t be too late.” then kiki shook her head slowly. “i am not some strict teacher, junnie. today is also off, right? you can stay late and oversleep sometimes. it’s fine.” 

jun nodded, but with a slight taste of awkwardness, not gonna lie. he tucked her hair behind the ears, stared at a chin, which looked like little too tighten. “you really should eat a lot after you get better... look boney, not good.”

“i miss your tomato and egg. would you make for me? after we back to korea?”

“anytime.”

he took the empty cup from her with himself. the nice warm tea started to make a nice effect on kiki’s body. her spine feels toasty, the mind starts melting on the pillow. she crawls herself between the sheets before let a small yawn escape from her. but when she starts dozing off, someone slips in oneself through the door — joshua brought the card key of her room and handed to boys in the morning. 

“junnie��?” she murmured under the sleepiness. “it’s me, noona.” soft, low voice whispered into her ear. “can i cuddle with you?”

“sure,” kiki lifted the sheets for him. “come in, wonwoo.”

he slid himself next to her. it feels secure when wonwoo buries his nose on her neck, limbs entangles her. his temperature was usually not that high, so it was nice to have his hand — not cold but not too hot that made her sweat neither — on her hand, holding loose, caressed back of her hand.  

“good night, wonwoo.” she whispered softly before she fell asleep. 

“good night, noona.” wonwoo hummed. “have a nice dream.”

(    📁    )   :   NAVI   :  MASTER LIST     

(    tag list    )   :   @smh-anon @jennwonwoo @angie-x3 @scarlet789

[writefightandflightclub]

Ride or Die (Santiago “Pope” Garcia x fem!reader): Chapter Seven (of 11 - COMPLETED SERIES)

Series summary: Together, you and Santiago have been “soldiers” then “friends” then “lovers”; but will you ever figure out what comes next, especially when Santiago can’t (or won’t) stop running? 

Genre: a LOT of angst, (some) smut, best friends to… lovers?

Warnings: see collated series warnings, here. Please note this series is 18+. Minors or ageless blocks interacting will be blocked.

Series info: this is a COMPLETED SERIES. All chapters are written and queued. Posting schedule is here (includes series master list). 

Author’s note: Phew! Well, the last couple of chapters were a lot, hey? I wonder what will happen next, tee hee! As always, I would be super grateful for any comments / reblogs / asks you may wish to send my way. You give me life! ILY :-*

Word count: 8.6k for this part. 

Tag list info: will reblog separately tagging those on taglist. You can request to be added to taglist if you are 18+. Send me an ask, please, so I can keep track :)

“Hey,” you croak, as Frankie cracks the door to your room, finding you laying in the glum light. You’re on top of the covers and hugging your pillow to your chest, body curled around the white mass like you’re trying to form a human s’more.  

Of course, you can’t sleep. You’re just slumped there, despondent, blinking into the crow black dark. Your tears have subsided, at least. But you feel sapped. Like you barely have any energy to feel anything anymore. 

“Hey,” Frankie returns, dipping the mattress as he comes to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“Benny send you?” You had insisted Benny go and get some shut eye, after comforting you for the better part of half an hour. There were hugs and warm tea and threats to handle Pope if he’d done something to deserve it. He hadn’t, you’d explained. He hadn’t done a damn thing worse than you, at least.  

“Negative.” 

You hum neutrally and scooch your body up so that you’re sitting with your back to the headboard, knees drawn up around the pillow you still cling to like a security blanket. 

“I’m gonna say something, okay?” Frankie says firmly, and you brace, fully expecting to receive some tough love. You note with relief, however, that as the man turns his head towards you, his eyes are nothing but soft. “You and me. We’re going back to your sister’s tomorrow. Get you some space.” 

Space from him. That much is implied. 

“No, Frankie.” Your throat tightens. All you’ve had is space. For months. The last thing you need is more. 

He places a hand on your knee, his tone firm and almost paternal. He’s going to make a damn good father, you think, with a swell of pride. “That’s what we’ll do. It’s not going to be like this anymore. We’re gonna stop taking chunks out of each other.” 

All you had wanted to do was to be close again. You’d never meant-

“-Frankie.” 

“Just think about it.” 

You nod, and Frankie pats your knee. Stifles a yawn. Presses the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. He looks wiped. With a gust of breath he stands, preparing to leave. “G’night, chiquita. Get some rest, alright?”

“Yeah. And Frankie?”

“Mmm?”

“I’m sorry, by the way.” 

“What for?” 

You sweep your hand through the air. “For the drama. Et cetera.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

“Do you know…” You cast a sidelong glance towards the black pane of the window. “Is… he coming back?”

The man drags his tongue along his lip. He does that when he’s uncertain. “He’ll be back.” 

“How do you know?” You don’t remember the last time you felt or sounded so small.  

“Because he’s a fucking glutton for punishment,” Frankie attempts a lopsided smile, his cheek tugging on the corner of his mouth; but it drops when he realises his joke hasn’t landed. “Just… try to get some rest. Okay?”

You nod, and you watch Frankie leave, his face murky but kind through the shadows as he gently tugs your door closed behind him. 

When he’s gone, you wait a moment for his footsteps to retreat and then you cross to the window, cracking it open far enough that you can hear the gentle shush of the waves. Far enough that you could hear either the sound of a truck pulling away in the dead of night, or the front door clicking gently closed, perhaps. 

You lie back on top of the bed covers, flat on your back, and your limbs stretched out like a starfish. You lie with your eyes open, staring at the ceiling - exhausted, but wide awake. 

And, after who knows how long like this, you hear footsteps tramping on to the porch. You hear the front door gently being latched, and the soft pad of someone travelling up the stairs. You hear the footsteps pause outside of your door for a moment and you hold your breath. You imagine an outstretched fist, primed to knock, but you dismiss this as wishful thinking. You’ve done a lot of that lately. Too much. 

Then, finally, you hear him shuffle into his room, clicking the door shut behind him. 

Only then - when you know he’s back - can you sleep. 

And, as you drift off, your thoughts of him merge with the soporific sounds of the waves. 

You’d doubt, with how much you’ve ached for him already, that you could hurt anymore, but you know fine well that it’s possible. After all, the waves break over and over, don’t they? 

They break, and they break, and they break. 

***

The following morning is an awkward affair. Everyone is tetchy, and even after a very necessary lie-in, residual grumpiness abounds. 

It figures. A shouting match and a rude awakening will do that. 

Still, the day must go on. You get knocked down? You keep moving. 

Will, ever an early riser and a true hero, brews up the first pot of coffee. Starts cooking up some breakfast, and, one by one, you and the boys filter downstairs, chasing the scent of sustenance. 

“Don’t even,” you say to Tom the moment he opens his mouth, the room falling silent as you waddle sleepily downstairs, gravitating straight towards the caffeine and the relative safety of Will. Frankie, Benny, and Tom are sat around the dining table, and, you note -because of course you do- that Santiago is glaringly absent. 

Maybe Frankie advised him not to come downstairs just yet. Perhaps he’s simply sulking. Or sleeping. Or avoiding you. Perhaps, maybe, possibly a million and one things, which you’ll never know the reasoning behind. 

It doesn’t even matter now. 

You’re done trying to figure him out. Since when did that ever get you anywhere useful? 

Instead then, you attempt to refocus. To divert your attention away from your sun, and towards the wider constellation of stars you are proud to call your squad. And, of course, to your plate of breakfast - that deserves attention too. 

The one thing you refuse to focus on, for the moment, is the elephant in the room. 

Still, you glance -briefly- towards the mouth of the stairs. 

“What else is new with you then, Benny boy? Seeing anyone?” You reach for just about the only topic you hadn’t covered with him yesterday evening - when you had been trying ever so valiantly to distract yourself from Santiago and all that he entails. 

In response, his baby blues dance with mischief and he grins, raising one arm to pop a bicep in celebration even as he shovels forkfuls of scrambled eggs into his mouth with the other. “I had myself a date the other night.” He probably flexes in his sleep, this man. 

“She stay for breakfast, Benjamin?” Frankie interjects, finally managing to be vocal again now that he’s been provided with the sweet hit of his second mug of caffeine. 

“‘Catfish. She was breakfast.” 

You hear Will groan from over at the stove. “Too much information, Ben.” 

Ben, meanwhile, looks entirely unapologetic. 

“Whatever happened to being a gentleman, huh? The way your Granny raised you?” Tom enquires with a thin smile. “Thought gentlemen didn’t kiss and tell.” 

“Oh, but I was a gentleman, Redfly. Let her finish first ‘n’ everythin’.” Benny offers a shit-eating grin, and you are once again grateful for the distraction as the room descends into fond bickering, the back-and-forth culminating in Will whipping his sibling with a rolled tea towel for continuing to overshare, accidentally catching Tom in the crossfire. 

“Those dirty-minded individuals asked the questions, man,” Benny defends, jabbing his finger around in a circle at the rest of you in accusation. “They always wanna know what action I’m getting. Hell, no-one ever asks me what I’m readin’.” 

You snicker. 

You glance -briefly- towards the mouth of the stairs. 

“Of course not. We’re trying to live vicariously through you, man,” Tom interjects. “We don’t want to vicariously read things.” 

“Especially not the pretentious shit you read, Benjamin,” Frankie digs, before collecting up the plates and conveying them over to the sink. And, given a natural lull in the conversation, Benny takes the opportunity to grab your attention. 

“You still up for training later, hon? I’m tabled for a beastly session this afternoon.” 

It briefly crosses your mind to wonder where Benny gets his abundance of energy. You, on the other hand, can’t even be bothered to trace that train of thought through to completion. “Yeah. Maybe, Ben. I, uh, need to drive into town this morning though.”

“Oh yeah?” he asks, with a mouthful of streaky bacon, swivelling his cap to sit backwards on his head as though that will help him pay better attention to you. 

You glance once more -only briefly, of course- towards the mouth of the stairs. 

“Mmm-hmm. Need to grab something from the pharmacy.” You blink, attempting to look as innocent as possible, but your face burns with a flare of heat, and you can’t help but scratch your nose self-consciously. 

You feel as though they all know the purpose of your trip - somehow - even though that’s impossible. And, you pray that even if they do, that they will at least have the courtesy to let it slide. 

Unfortunately though, you suddenly remember that Tom exists, and that therefore, you’re likely not getting away with it that easy. 

“You and Pope all out of condoms or something?” he guffaws around the lip of his coffee mug as he takes a deep swig. 

“Tom,” Frankie warns, subtly shaking his head as he comes to retake his seat by you. 

Oddly though, Tom’s comment barely even manages to irk you. You pat your defender on the arm. “Frankie. I’m fine.” 

He surveys you regardless, to be sure, and you are grateful for it. Frankie knows fine well that Tom has a talent for rubbing you up the wrong way. The two of you have never quite seen eye to eye. 

“See, she can handle herself just fine,” Tom reminds him pointedly. He never did like the way the rest of the boys fussed so damn hard over you. His tone has the veneer of light-heartedness. “You can take a joke, right?” 

Your lips twitch around some halfway cruel retort, but, turns out, you truly have no ire left today. You’re all out - and besides, you’re not looking to burn any more bridges than you have already on this trip. 

“Listen,” you begin sincerely, cradling your mug of coffee between your palms. Deciding to nip this in the bud before it spirals. “Are we good, Tom? I was a little bit hot-tempered yesterday. I’m sorry.” 

Once again, you glance towards the mouth of the stairs. Your gaze lingers a fraction longer this time, until it ticks back to Tom. 

He looks at you levelly for a moment over the rim of his mug, before his brown eyes begin to shine with a dull, metered-out warmth. Nothing like the warmth of your sun, of course, but shining on your more brightly than Tom had deigned to in a long while, at least. “Sure we are. So long as you don’t wake me up in the middle of the night again. I need my beauty sleep.”

You hold your palms up in rare surrender. “You got it.” 

“What was all that about, anyway?” Tom needles, shuffling forward in his chair and folding his arms across his chest. Beside you, you can sense Frankie and Benny ready to knock him back should he dare to overstep. You wonder suddenly if you’re too harsh on the guy. If you need to loosen off, be a little kinder. 

You wrap both hands more tightly around your coffee now, letting the warmth bleed through into your interlaced fingertips and the steam rise under your chin. “The usual,” you dismiss, not wanting to go into specifics. That would involve replaying it all. Would call for a digging out of the shrapnel lodged in your chest - an activity far too involved to undertake alongside a lazy breakfast. “Sometimes a storm is what it takes to clear the air, right?”  

“And?” Tom cranes forwards a little more. You clock Frankie’s nostrils flaring subtly in annoyance. “Is the air clear now?”

You know what Tom’s asking. Was anything resolved? Are you two done? 

Is all this over? 

Apparently curious, all three of the men direct their gaze toward you, keenly awaiting your answer. You even reach for one -an answer- but you come up lacking, and your uncertainty carves a notch into your brow. Makes your mouth go dry. Your gaze flicks to the mouth of the stairs, and this time, you can’t look away from it. “I…”

Thankfully, unfortunately, you are saved and damned all at once as Santiago finally appears. Emerging from the spot you’ve been glancing intermittently at all through breakfast. 

All the faces in the kitchen turn abruptly towards him as his careless footfalls sound out, and suddenly his eager skip down the stairs entirely loses steam. His pace slows, dragging to a dead halt by the time he has reached the base of the stairs. 

Your eyes go as wide as they can, through no fault of your own, and despite being the focus of the whole group’s attention, Santiago stares straight ahead at you. Of course he does. Only you, as though there is no-one else in the room to acknowledge.

“Morning,” he addresses, solely to you, his expression impassive, yes - but certainly not harsh. Not angry. 

“Morning,“ you respond, as brightly as possible, your eyes still wide and unblinking, and it is a little unnerving as every other head in the room swivels simultaneously around to face you. Oh good. Because you’d worried this might be awkward. You unstick your tongue from the roof of your mouth. “Will has bacon,” you offer stiffly, your whole body so full of tension it feels brittle; like it could snap. 

As if the product of some hive mind, the heads swivel in unison back towards Santiago. He doesn’t drop his gaze from you, however. Doesn’t even blink - just looks between your left eye and right repeatedly. “Fabulous. Thanks.” 

Sure. Okay. This is totally normal. Except… you don’t think you’ve ever heard Santiago describe something as “fabulous” in his life. But why not start now, hey? This is fine. 

You watch him turn. Walk towards Will and the stove top, and when his gaze finally drops from yours it is like the taut line which was drawn across the room finally snaps, blissfully allowing some of the tension to sag with it. 

“Good timing, Garcia. Here.” Will doesn’t miss a beat, transferring the spatula into Santiago’s hand and shuffling him seamlessly into his position before he can clock what’s happening. “I’m officially passing the torch of Breakfast Duty into your capable hands.“ 

“Uh. Sure,” Santiago obliges, obediently beginning to move the sizzling strips around the pan as Benny stands, already crowding him to jostle for seconds. Will slaps the waffled tea towel across Santiago’s shoulder for good measure too, and you die a little inside at how goddamn domestic he looks. Especially since he’s still wearing his fluffy sheepskin slippers. Rocking his bedhead of gently tousled, greying curls. 

It makes you yearn. 

“Want a ride into town, soldier?” Will calls to you across the space, jutting his chin up at you and snapping you from your stupor. Immediately, you scrape your chair back, the gentle throb of nerves making you eager to animate. Eager to jump on any excuse to get the hell out of there. 

“Yes! Please!” 

You scoop up your plate and cutlery, and you attempt to take Frankie’s to the sink too. That is, until he protectively winds his arm around it like a bear defending its cub and begins actively batting your hand away. You guess he wants second helpings too. 

You sidle over to the stove then, where Santiago is dedicating himself to his latest occupation with vigour, Benny equally invested in hovering with his empty plate - and not above begging for scraps. 

“Where to in town?” Santiago asks in a hushed voice, his thick eyebrow arcing. You dismiss your plate into the dish bowl to soak, and he pauses his spatula duties momentarily to await your response. 

“Pharmacy.” You look at him pointedly. 

His face crumples with something resembling apology. Or - perhaps more likely - regret. “Okay.”

Your eyes lock for a moment, and he looks so different to you this morning than he had in the dead of the night. It is more than the gentle morning sun giving a soft glow to his features, the dusting of late summer freckles on his nose popping in the light. It is more than the wholesome appearance of him cooking up breakfast. More than the hush in his tone, and the way his chin dips down, making his eyes look big and round and gentle as he looks at you from beneath his long sweep of lashes. 

You suspect that he is purposefully making himself soft. Blunting his harsh edges so deliberately and so entirely that you fear he will sluice to the floor like the insides of a cracked egg. “You, uh… You need anything? Need me to…?” 

Santiago. Honey. You’ve done quite enough already. 

“No,” you say, but the word doesn’t audibly make it out the first time around. You clear your throat. “No. Thank you.”

“Okay.” 

Your gaze dips to the dried, rogue fleck of toothpaste right on the corner of his mouth. You can’t explain why, but this tiny, human detail makes your chest ache. “Talk later?” 

He forces his sober expression to twist into a halfway smile. His eyes grow big and earnest, that cup of coffee gaze gently warming you. “Okay.” 

Don’t, you inwardly plead with him. Don’t give me hope. Don’t break me again, Santiago. 

A niggle plays at your brow. It’s odd, really. You remember the words and venom spat from each of your mouths yesterday. Of course you do. But you can no longer feel the all-consuming ire that came along with them. That part -that feeling- is absent. Every scrap of anger consumed. It seems as alien to you as the raging storm must feel to the clear morning which follows. 

And so, you can’t help it. Really can’t help it. You dip forwards to kiss Santiago, softly. Right on the point of his beautifully high cheekbone, giving his tea-towel adorned shoulder a light squeeze. 

You leave, then, to the sight of that subtle crimson flush darkening his cheeks, your gesture evidently both confounding and flustering him. 

You leave too, to the sound of Benny yelling “Look alive, Pope! Don’t burn my goddamn bacon!”. The spatula has gone limp in his hand as Santiago’s gaze trails after you, and the tension is once again pulled taut like a string across the room. You imagine a festival of blush red balloons tied all along it, rising and dancing like your hope. 

You leave, with an answer to Tom’s question. 

You and Santiago? Is it over? 

No. It’s not done.

But you are done with being angry. 

You’re done breaking, and no longer will you throw yourself against those rocks. 

***

The time away from the house was useful, and the scenes of the open coast slipping by smoothed your roughened edges out like a tossed, worn pebble. The salt-saturated air humming through your wound-down window had you drinking in deep, energising lungfuls. Then, there was Will’s steady, reassuring drawl, and all the feelings of security that came along with it. 

Steady, dependendable, straightforward Will. You always knew where you stood with him. 

At least, that’s who he had always been to you. Not the volatile, ticking time bomb you’d heard he’d become since he’d gotten out. Since he’d almost choked a man out in the tinned produce aisle. 

It was good to have time to talk with him. You were endlessly glad to hear the ways Will was moving forward. You were glad -first and foremost- for him, of course; but you couldn’t deny it bolstered your own hope too. To know that there was a route out? A path onward - even when some things attempted to drag you back? It felt good. 

Speaking of things which dragged you to them, you were also grateful that Will didn’t press you (too much) on Santiago-shaped matters. In fairness, at this point the whole squad is probably sick to death of the topic. Regardless though, it was refreshing to talk about other things. About Will’s new life. His bizarro public speaking gig. His worry for Benny, as an unfailingly attentive and loyal big bro. His insistence that the “kid” is not living up to his full potential. 

Benny’s doing fine, you had assured him. Benny’s… buoyant. 

So, in sum, it was safe to say that despite everything, by the time you had arrived back to the house you’d felt decompressed. It made you wonder if - maybe - last night’s storm really had succeeded in clearing the air. Of course, that depended on Santiago too, and where he was at today. Whether he had any more drama brewing, up in that pretty head of his. 

From his vibe this morning though? You had gotten the sense that he was oh so tired too. 

It didn’t change anything of course. The fighting. The fucking. Not really. Not any of it. The anger, once given its release valve, had simply moved through you like weather. It had turned out, it was all mostly bluster. Ephemeral. Shifting. And it couldn’t touch the truth of things, could it? The permanence and depth of your love for him? Not really. 

It did change something in you though, that unforgiving storm. If nothing else, it had made you acutely aware of how powerless you are. Your weather cannot move the mountains, and Santiago is as stubborn and immoveable as a wall of rock.

You’d believed, at one time, that perhaps you could succeed in shifting him. Encouraging him. Convincing him.

But now you know for sure. 

The only way he’s running into your arms is of his own accord. In his own good time. 

When he’s ready.

If he ever is, of course; ready. And on that topic, you’re less and less sure that he ever will be. That Santiago will ever be ready to be loved by you. 

It’s sad in one way to realise that. But in another way, it’s freeing. To give up. To stop trying to shape things into what you’d hoped they could be, and to simply let things be whatever they are. To make peace with the truth of things. And peace? It may sound counterintuitive, but as a soldier, peace is all you’d ever really wanted. 

Perhaps that’s why you feel calm as you pace down the track back to the house. Why there’s a spring in your step as you fix up a sandwich for yourself and Will, heading out across the dunes to where the boys laze by that frilled edge of ocean. Perhaps you feel calm because you really have exhausted all of your options. 

Because there’s truly nothing else you can do. 

Because it’s out of your control. 

Because you cannot move mountains. 

And so, when you join the group and Santiago flashes you a tentative and oh so pure smile? You return it easily this time. 

You can’t change yourself and how you feel. You’ve tried that. You certainly can’t change him. You’ve tried that too. 

And… why would you want to, anyway, huh? To change him? In so many ways, you think, as you watch his rich, scratchy laugh bob in his throat, and see those delicious crinkles radiate from around his eyes, he’s perfect exactly as he is. 

After all, he’s your best friend. 

And, for the remainder of the afternoon, you simply want to focus on that. 

For today, you reckon you’ll simply have to try to see him in pieces. In fragments. 

You don’t want to admit to yourself that’s the only way you can make it through, but when you do realise, it strikes you. If you too find it hard to reconcile who he’s always been to you with all that he could be, then maybe you and he never were so different after all. 

He certainly could never grasp all of you at once, could he?

***

The rest of the day passes pleasantly - much to everyone’s relief, you suspect. After the card games wrap up, there is plenty more entertainment to be had. There is time whiled away goofing around with a football and a frisbee. There’s a grill session on the dunes and chilled beers and music. When the heat becomes too sticky, too intense, there are sea swims and splashing around in the waves and everyone trying to dunk Benny. There’s solitary time too. Time for sunbathing and reading and podcasting and naps; and, in between, there is the cyclical eruption and waning of amiable chatter - whenever someone sparks up with a talking point.

In sum, you all opt to just be with each other. No particular agenda in mind, and it feels good. Really good. 

You’ve missed them all. Hell, even Tom, though you’d never tell him that to his face. 

The stretch of beach you’ve claimed is stunning too. The sands are golden and fine-grained and the water is perfectly temperate; but, it’s a hidden gem, the patch not attracting a fraction of the stifling crowds you’d find along the main drag. Throughout the day, other people come and go, of course. There’s the family with the adorable little kids, for example. The little boy, in particular, who had seemed to take a real liking to Benny - and who’d even roped him into helping build sandcastles. You’d watched, fondly, as each of your squad’s faces had split with wholesome, eye-swallowing grins at the adorableness of it all. There was the lone woman who spent 45 minutes giving you evil eyes - apparently, you’d deducted, for daring to be surrounded by five attractive men. You’d even suspected she might march over and punch you at one point, judging from the hate seething in her eyes when Will had asked you to slather-up his milky-white back with his trusty factor 50. 

Mostly though, it had stayed pretty quiet, and you and the boys had more or less had the beach all to yourselves. 

Various members of the group would filter off every now and again, of course. To replenish supplies, grab a new book, or buy an ice cream from the truck which pulled up. But, there had always been a core contingent remaining, even as the intensity of the day’s heat had begun to burn off, replaced with a softer, gentler, and more oranged glow. 

Perhaps that’s why you didn’t realise it, until it had already happened.

That by now, you and Santiago were alone. 

You look up from your book and all of a sudden, you are the only one left lounging on the blankets. You look out to the water, and Santiago is the only figure to be found there too, currently floating on his back, bobbing over each gentle, orange-frilled wave which laps up to the shore. 

Christ. When did it get so late? 

Santiago must realise the predicament at a similar moment to you, you think, as by the time you have finished swivelling your head to scan the sands for signs of anyone else -finding no-one but a distant dog walker- he has already begun to wade out of the water. 

It is something you have watched him do so many times today, but now that it is just the two of you, this time it hits just a little different. This time, you notice him. Really notice him. Can’t help it. You watch him rise out of the water in the golden glow of the descending sun, and shake the rivulets of water from his darkened, wetted curls. See his tan chest emerge first, the colour in his shoulders a deeper, richer brown already from a day soaking up the sun. That silver chain of his swinging and glinting in between his smooth, shapely pecs. And, you note the soft cushion of his tummy swelling over the waistband of his swim shorts, the garment sodden and clinging tightly to his ample hips and thighs. Even slipping down just a little as he wades from out of the water, revealing a hint of his happy trail as he beelines directly towards where you lay. 

Your stomach twists with a deep, hot yearning, and you are grateful that you have at least a moment to compose yourself before he arrives, sea-shined and dripping, at your now deserted camp. You have the wherewithal, at least, to throw him a towel as he reaches you, trying not to stare (too much) as he begins to dry himself off. 

“Thanks,” he offers, with a lazy flash of teeth, and you unconsciously rearrange yourself, very suddenly aware - now that you’re alone - that you are stripped right down to your flimsy bikini. 

You see a swallow sink down Santi’s corded throat as his eyes skim down the length of you, but he is quick to obscure it. He’s still playing nice. Softening himself, you think. 

With a laugh as roughly hewn as driftwood, he flicks some water at you after scrunching his hand through his sodden curls, spraying cold flecks across the bare expanse of your belly, causing you to tense and squeal. His shoulders shake with gentle mirth, and, once he’s towelled off and wrung out his shorts a little, he spreads his towel out next to you, parking his ample ass down. 

“Didn’t feel like a swim? The water’s nice.” 

“Nah.” 

His head swivels about, eyes traversing the length of the beach. He scoops a hand around his stubble, and you hear it rasp like sand. “Where the shit did everybody go?”

You shrug with one shoulder. “Beats me. I was far too engrossed in my trashy novel to notice.”  You dog-ear the page of said book and put it to one-side before leaning back, supporting your torso on bent elbows, legs still elongated before you and crossed neatly at the ankle. The position pushes your breasts out, and you swear Santiago tries valiantly to look just about anywhere else - more or less succeeding too. 

“Then… I think we’re alone now.” 

A mischievous smile catches the corners of your mouth. “There doesn’t seem to be anyone around.” 

You turn your head towards him, to see if he’s picked up on your song-lyric-inspired choice of words, but the solemnity of his expression catches you off-guard. His brows are drawn down, the sockets of his eyes all shadowed despite the golden hour glow still pouring over the horizon, lighting the stark contours of him. 

In unison, the two of you shift position, coming to sit cross-legged. Side-by-side, looking out over the ocean. It seems easier that way, you think. Not to face each other directly as you each say whatever it is you need to say. 

You know that it’s come time to say it. That it’s overdue. 

Besides, it’s undeniably beautiful, looking out across the view like this. Enjoying the lapping waves and the undulating, orange zest water stretched out below that burning sky. Now cooling, post-dip, Santiago reaches over for his trusty tartan blanket. Silently, he first tucks it around his shoulders, then he passes it around yours. It’s a stretch for the square of fabric, and so you huddle a little closer to one another, finding it is even more warming as your bodies press together. The wetness of his thigh, from those water-logged, sand-coated trunks contacts you too, but you make no effort to move away, instead resting your folded thigh just on top of his. 

You can smell the ocean on him. Salt and sunshine and sunscreen. He smells like summer.

You look out across the landscape with renewed concentration as you wait for him to speak, not ready to face whatever expression his features may offer. You look outward with vigour while you wait for him to look inward, and you worry that his words - when they come - will surely be more ugly than the sight before you. Will be bitter and not sweet. 

You even brace for it. 

You’re so used to the storm. 

Still, when he eventually speaks, you are surprised. Surprised that he is calm and steady. That his voice is like slow, warm sand pooling into your cupped hands. That his words are both bitter and sweet. “Hey. C’mere.” You link your arm into him. Lean your head onto his shoulder as his tone grows wistful. “Do you… Do you remember that night in Philadelphia?” 

You smile immediately. There had been only one such night in Philadelphia. 

It had been your birthday. You and Santiago had been catching a connecting flight, heading back from a deployment and en route to meet the boys off-base to celebrate. However, all the planes had been grounded due to some technical hitch with the tower. You’d been bummed that your plans had been ruined; but Santiago had come through. Had gifted you one of the best nights of your life. A very silly, drunken night, if you recall. 

You cringe, hazy, smooth-edged memories flooding back. You clap a hand to your face with residual embarrassment. “Christ. The karaoke.” 

Santiago chuckles warmly, and you feel his laugh reverberate through you. “It wasn’t karaoke! You hijacked the goddamn wedding band.” 

Your hand clamps in dismay over your mouth now, and you lift your head from his shoulder to face him. “Oh my god. You’re right.” 

Your laughs mingle together in the tight space between you, becoming indistinguishable, like the tide and the shore. “I still can’t believe you blagged our way into a wedding reception.” 

“I can’t believe it took us so long to get rumbled,” his hand settles over yours, where your arm is still hooked into his.

You beam at him. “Thank God I’m stealthy.”

He pumps his eyebrows, entirely incredulous. “You? Yeah right.” 

“I’m sure I must’ve helped, Pope.”  

“No, cariño, no. You were not helping.” He scratches at his layer of scruff. “Shit. What was it… What did you tell the kid on the desk your name was, again?” 

You try to recall, and when you remember you snort in a full-blown laugh. Your ensuing, chaotic giggle planes tears of joy out of the corners of your eyes. “Mariana Trench!”

“You’re fucking despicable. You know that?” Santiago laughs along with you, and God. It feels good. Really good. It feels effortless, your mirth sharing space like this instead of your anger.  Your laughs mingle then dissipate, withdrawing gently like the retreat of a wave. 

You lean your head back on to his shoulder, but your giggle fit is evidently not wholly through - not just yet. Your shoulders begin to shake up against him - gently at first, and then with a rising chuckle. “Whiskey in the jar-o,” you sing under your breath, wistfully recalling your drunken duet of choice. “Fuck, Santi. That was a good night.” 

He rests his head on top of yours, the weight of it a comfort. “Yeah. Yeah it was,” he agrees. “Jesus, I’m telling you though. They were lucky we showed up. Before we livened things up? The dance floor was as dead as a battlefield after one of Redfly’s sweeps.” 

You hum at the fond memory, a soft smile arcing over your face. He has you curious though. “What made you think of that night?” Why this memory, out of everything?

He stiffens noticeably up against you. Sits more upright. Presses his palms together. “That was, uh. That was the night that I-” 

“-Vomited into a soup tureen?” You interject with a snort, as another random memory flashes back to you.

“No. Nope,” Santi counters decisively. “That was Cat’s Oma’s 80th.” 

You giggle chaotically again. “Oh yeah. Shit.” You miss that lady. She was a sweetie. 

“Hey. Listen,” Santiago begins with far more gravity. Enough gravity that you shift, turning your body as he draws your gaze to him. You had been waiting for this moment to arrive; but, now that it’s here, you wish you could cling on to the sweet things for a few moments longer. Still, you settle opposite him now, the two of you still cross-legged but positioned face to face. He adjusts the blanket around your shoulders, tugging on each corner. With a watery smile, you slide your palms on to his wrecked, perfect knees and give him a gentle squeeze there, seemingly pushing his croaked words out with the gesture too. “I want to say that I’m sorry.” 

You have nothing for a moment. No words, at least. Nothing but the motion of your hands smoothing back and forth over his knees. Nothing but the pained expression as your eyes swim with an ocean of feeling, deep enough to rival the vast body of water before you. 

You note that his eyes are wet too as he settles his own hands over yours, gathering them up into his grasp. He stares down intently at your hands, his brow notching with a deep frown. He drags in a slow breath and releases it. “This got so fucked up, and… that’s not it at all.” He looks back to you then, his umber eyes shining with remorse. Deep regret welling in his resonant tone. “That’s not how I want to show up for you.” 

Your tongue, too, reaches for an apology as readily as your hands had reached out for him. “Fuck, Santiago. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry too.” You had never meant to hurt him. You had never wanted that. 

He drops his gaze to your neat pairing of hands. Gingerly begins to smooth the rough, sea-pruned pads of his thumbs over your knuckles, your skin humming dully where he touches. “I mean it. I’m sorry for everything.” The tendons in his jaw clench, muscles slipping over bone. He drags your cupped hand into his lap, drawing an absent-minded spiral in your palm with the pad of his thumb. The sensation makes a pleasant tingle bed down beneath your skin. “I swear. I never meant for my bullshit to affect you. Christ - that was the whole fucking point. Thought the least I could do, after everything, was protect you from that.” 

At his earnest words, your chest tightens, and you abruptly halt the dance of his fingers by clasping his hands, gathering them between your own palms like a prayer. Your voice cracks in half like a broken promise. “Santiago. For Christ’s sake. You think I need protecting?” The implication in his words cleaves your heart in two. “From you?” 

He shrugs with one shoulder. Sniffs. The muscle in his cheek tugs up, and you feel his hands go clammy in your grasp.

He frees himself from your grip for a moment, before continuing to skim his fingers up and down your forearm arm in a gentle, tender dance. The lightness of his touch contrasts starkly with the heaviness settling into his brow, his wet, puppy dog eyes swimming beneath. “I dunno. I was always a better fucking soldier than I was a friend.” He swallows, his voice so soft you can barely hear him. “Than I was… anything else you might’ve needed me to be.” 

“No. That’s not true,” you respond adamantly, your head shaking vigorously from side to side. “You’ve always been there for me.”

“Except when it counted.”

“No!” you emphasise, the thrust of your words carrying your whole body forward. You shift position, transferring on to folded knees, crouching before him in the sand. Reaching, to slip your palms up to each side of his face, and you hold him like a prayer now. “No, Santiago. Especially when it counted. Believe me.”

He tries to turn away from you - you see it. He tries to begin his retreat, like usual, but this time, you capture his roughened cheek with one palm and you hold his gaze with yours. You speak firmly, willing him to understand. “Santiago Garcia. Idiota. You’re my hero.” 

He scoffs lightly. His face twitches with scepticism. With doubt. With this self-deprecation he always carries, usually so well concealed by his confidence and easy charm. And yet, as you caress his stubble-flecked cheek with your palm, he sinks gratefully into your touch. Leans against it, his eyes fanning closed and his long lashes splaying down towards his cheeks. 

“God,” he breathes softly in Spanish, barely audible. “No-one has called me that in a long time." He lives in a world of aliases and nicknames, and you see the weight of his grief twist his face at hearing his name fall from your mouth. 

“I mean it. Do you hear me?” you plead, snagging his eyes to yours as they drift open. “You have made my life more beautiful in a thousand ways. You’re not -and you never were- something I need protecting from.” You regard Santiago, and his pretty eyes glisten, wet with a well of scarcely contained emotion -starlight in his lashes. “I love you, Santiago. Whatever has happened. Whatever happens. I love you. Not when you’re this ‘perfect’ version of yourself you finally deem worthy of love.” You search his eyes “That’s bullshit. I love you. I love you now.”

Santiago slowly, gradually musters a nod, and you smooth your hands over him. Over his shoulders. the nape of his neck. His chest. Trying to plaster over the evident cracks as his emotion crashes like a wave against rocks. He scoops a hand around his stubble, his lower lip now downturned. Trembling with feeling. Fat, liquid tears shining in his eyes, threatening to overspill. “I love you too.” 

What a terrible, sad thing, you think. That you love each other. That there’s such bounty and abundance, but that at the same time… it is never quite enough. 

Maybe one day, it will be; enough. 

For now though, it is still something which causes you pain. And, you can see -more clearly than ever now- that it hurts him too. 

His eyes dance over everything but you. His face twists. Contorts and tightens as he wrestles with it, but he cannot hold back the tide a moment longer. Full, wet tears spill down Santiago’s cheeks, and he makes some attempt to fumble them away, until they grow too numerous. You reach for him instead, and for a moment he tries to gently bat your hand away. “Hey,” you scold, protest, smooth. “Santiago.” His eyes drop, and his gaze fixes intently on a spot in the sand as you gingerly scoop his tears away with your crooked forefinger. The finger you then trace lovingly along the length of his jaw. The finger you trace along his eyebrow. The point of his cheekbone. Every place the waning golden light paints him. Your eyes dance over him. Every contour. Every sharp angle and every hollow. Every soft, silver curl. And he stays perfectly still. Unmoving, as though he is afraid your touch will withdraw like a tide at any moment. 

“I missed you,” you whisper, and it is at once bitter and sweet. “It hurts. It… hurts to be without you.”

For a stretched moment, you do not believe he will respond, the only sign of movement from him a lone tear sluicing down his sculpted cheek. But, eventually, his words come. “I know. I know, and I’m sorry. I just…”

“Just what?”

“I need to find a way it doesn’t hurt you to be with me.” You shake your head, a protest dying on your lips as Santiago drags your hands to him. “I know you won’t buy this. You don’t have to. But I do want out. I swear it’s just this one last job with Lorea. And then I can… Then maybe we can…”

He trails off, his words waning. Breaking on the rocks. 

He never could articulate a future with you, could he? Never could seem to dream that up.

You could be angry about that, you suppose, but you truly have no more anger left to give. You could be sad instead but, turns out, you’re out of that feeling too. All you have left to offer in this moment, in fact, is a small, resigned smile.

“It’s okay,” you smooth, and what’s more, you mean it. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” Your fingers play over the leather and beads of his bracelets. Over the tendons in his wrist. The light hairs on his forearms.

You’re done with all of that now. Done trying to push him towards a future you’re not even sure he wants with you. Not sure he ever wanted. It’s funny almost, as you sit here, letting the future go. You sit here with him, so much history humming between you it’s like standing amidst ruins. Like you are two statues, memories and stories carved into your bodies. Sometimes, it feels like the past is all you have. But, you are thankful when the sinking, orange segment of sun draws you to it, reminding you there is one more thing you have. Something between the past and future. 

You have the here and now. 

You reach for it. 

It’s all you’ve got. Might be all you ever have with him. 

You twist your body, turning outward again, away from him. You fold your knees up to your chin and you loop your arms around them, fixing your eyes straight ahead on the undulating ocean. 

“That’s one thing I always loved about you, you know,” you push out. “How you always live smack bang in the moment. I’m constantly wishing it all the fuck away, aren’t I? Always thinking fifty steps ahead.”

Santiago follows your lead, swivelling to face the sunset too. His body becomes all right angles as he plants his elbows on the points of his spread knees, his butt and the soles of his feet flat to the floor, his hands loosely laced together in the space between his legs.  “You should. You should think about that stuff. You deserve all that. Everything you talked about last night.”

His words cause a tight lump to rise in your throat. 

Do you? 

Does he really believe that? 

Because, if so, then why in the hell don’t you deserve him? Why can’t he be the one to give it to you? 

You offer a theory. 

“Does it bore you, or something? The thought of a future like that?” The question emerges tattered, torn on hooks in your throat which try to hold it back; but it’s something you’ve wondered for too long to suppress it any longer. You’ve wondered without ever wanting to push that thought too far - too afraid of the answer. 

“Yeah,” he says levelly, not a hint of doubt in his voice, and you hold your breath. “With anyone else, yeah. But not with you.” You are relieved but that fades ever so quickly, your face crumpling into something halfway petulant. 

“Then… why?” 

Why is he still running? 

Why is he running from the life you could offer him if it’s something he wants too? 

You hear Santiago tug in and release a deep sigh. Out of the corner of your eye you see him lace his fingers together, soothing his thumb over his own hand like he’s retracing your comfort. “Because… I’m not brave like you.” His voice tips up at the end. Like a question. He reserves all of his doubt for himself, then? It’s not you he refuses to believe in? 

“You’re ridiculous. You’re the bravest man I know.” 

“Heh. Yeah,” he lifts a hand to self-consciously scratch at the bristle of hairs at the nape of his neck. You hug your knees more tightly to your chest. “Running into bullets. Eliminating threats, sure. But… running into safe hands? I’m a fucking coward.”

You hum, a neutral, bland sound which expresses neither agreement nor disagreement. Which takes you nowhere. 

There’s nowhere left to go. 

Perhaps the road ends here. 

Dead end after dead end. 

Only resignation. 

“Maybe we were on the same path, once upon a time, huh?” You throw the statement out with little conviction. You’re giving up on the idea that your words or your actions can make the slightest bit of difference to what could be. For now, you simply wish to make sense of what is. “Maybe - I dunno. Maybe I just ran too far ahead. Racing towards this dream of the future, before you were ready to go there. Maybe I just created too much distance.” 

Santiago hums now too. A tight, pensive sound. “Huh. Is that what you think happened?” 

You rub your palms over your own face. Dig the heels of your hands into your eye sockets. You have as much energy as a spent wave. “Uch. I don’t know.” Wordlessly, tentatively, Santiago reaches, retucking the soft tartan blanket around your shoulders. You manage to smile softly at him, surprised that it does not feel at all forced. “Maybe we just forget all that now. Maybe we just… I dunno. Live in the moment?”

Santiago’s palm draws slow circles on your upper back. You shuffle a little closer to him. “Okay. Then what do you want?” he enquires. “Right now? In this moment?” 

His arm weighs over your shoulder, huddling you closer. “Oh. I don’t know. What does it even matter?” 

“We leave here tomorrow. So tell me. What do you want right now?” 

You could imagine that you are tired of wanting. That all you want is a moment free of wanting anything at all. But that’s not true, is it? You want the very same thing you’ve craved for so long. You want him. Finally though, something in you has shifted. You find yourself able to envisage a future which is far more immediate. Something you can grasp now instead of distantly yearning for. 

The words feel hard and tight in your chest, but by the time they reach your lips, they feel so very soft and loose. Easy to sound out. “I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to hurt you. All this time I missed you so much.” Unconsciously, Santiago holds you just a little more tightly. “I just…”

“What?” he whispers. 

“I want us to fall asleep together. I want to hold you. I just want us to have one moment like that, Santi. Peaceful, you know? After everything, don’t we at least deserve that?” You tug in a breath to launch your next words, your throat closing protectively around them. Making them sound small. “And… And maybe…” 

“What? What else?” 

“Can’t we just fuck and feel happy about it? Can’t we have just one fucking moment together that doesn’t feel like an ending?”

You wait, your raw-wound words laid out in a line on the sand. You brace. You brace for them to be washed away. To have the salt poured in. 

“Okay.” 

Your eyes snap to his in surprise, and you find his soft, ardent gaze dancing over your features. “Okay?” 

Santiago’s fingers lace with yours, and he tugs you to standing. “Come with me. Come on.” 

He gathers up the remaining supplies, slinging the filled beach bag over one shoulder. Then, he folds his other arm around your middle. Tucks you into him. You let him lead you to the house, and it’s nice. It’s nice that for once, you’re not begging him to follow. 

You let him lead you up the dunes, back to the house, and up the stairs. 

You leave the golden, sinking sun behind you, but with Santiago’s warm, molten gaze shining on you, you still feel the sun on your face. 

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 6: Missing Someone

From: Bigger Houses Series

Pairing: Mountain Ranger! Ari x Reader

Summary: It’s time to tell all and talk about each other’s pasts

Word Count: 2,417

Content/Warnings: ANGST, kissing, use of pet names, no-good exs, crying and near-crying, miscommunication but it’s resolved

Author’s Note: I was gonna make it bad, but then I realized, it’s not like this couple to have a huge blowout fight and misunderstanding. They’re too good at talking it out.

Shoutout to my childhood friend I visited last week for helping me write this. He won’t read it, but I appreciate him indulging my thought process. Likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are sooooo welcome and appreciated!!

Dividers by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

Below is the song which inspired this chapter. It makes me very sad tbh. I skip it a lot when listening.

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You and Ari were going to build a new dresser in your bedroom. It had been nearly six months of being together officially. Your old furniture was breaking down already, so the two of you had gone shopping. Ari insisted he was just going so that he could provide his truck for hauling it, but you knew that wasn’t the case when he turned down the first three you liked.

“No, that one won’t match the wood grains of your cabin.”

“What’s the material on that one? Pressed composite? No good.”

“Sure Duchess, that one could work…if you’re blind.”

You rolled your eyes at that last one,

holding back a laugh. Sure, those were valid reasons, but any minor criticism was something you took personally. He didn’t even live with you! Finally, you’d gotten him to agree to a nice, subtle piece that complemented your bed frame without clashing against the rest of the cabin. The only issue was, you had to build it.

Once the two of you had gotten home from the furniture store, you were exhausted. Not only from the shopping, but from long drive since you had to go to the nearest city with hopes of finding anything good.

After eating dinner, you and Ari settled on the couch together, cuddling to catch up on the show you two were binging at the moment. Sure, you usually preferred to do things away from screens, but sometimes, there was nothing that could replace classic, trashy TV. The dresser could wait. Ari was laying on his back and you were laying directly on top of him, ear over his steady heartbeat until you drifted to sleep.

You began to stir awake and stretch when you realized the TV wasn’t playing anymore. Strong hands stroked your back and your eyelids fluttered open. Your sleepy pupils sparkled and dilated as you moved your chin to Ari’s chest to see him looking down at you the same way, him not even realizing the way he smiled when you were within this eye sight.

“Well good morning handsome.” Your voice was full of sleep.

“Good morning.” Ari leaned forward to kiss your nose as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Looks like it really is morning. 2:47 am.”

You hummed in response. “I think we kinda threw off our sleep schedule with what was supposed to be a nap.”

Ari nodded and laughed. “Oh definitely. But now we’ve got all this time to be productive. You wanna build that dresser?”

You groaned and threw your head into his chest, smushing it your nose and mouth. “Yeah, I guess so.”

You groaned and sighed before your muffled voice came out against his pecs again. “Lemme go pee first.”

You pushed off of Ari’s chest, causing him to exhale most of the air in his lungs with a laugh before he watched you scurry to the bathroom.

Ari got up and walked toward your room to get started on the dresser while he waited for you. Just as he sat on the floor straddling the instructions and some spare parts, he heard a buzzing coming from the nightstand, lighting up your dim bedroom.

“Duchess, your phone is ringing.” He yelled out the bedroom door.

“You can get it. I’ll be out soon. It could be important since they’re calling this time of night.” He heard your faint response.

With a groan, Ari stood up again and took the few large strides towards your nightstand, picking up the phone off the charger. The number wasn’t saved.

“Hello?”

“Hey, is that you? I miss you s’much. You should come over.” A man slurred from the other side of the line.

Ari was confused. He knew the area code of the phone number wasn’t from around here, but who was this man and why was he calling at this hour?

“Who is this?” Ari gritted out the words. He was beginning to feel something. There was anger, there was frustration. He was hurt that this seemed like something that was kept from him. The man on the other side of the line continued to call out your name.

“It’s me. It’s Oscar. Where are you? My bed’s cold.”

That got Ari. It hit him where it hurts and he felt a pang in his chest. He hung up the phone and stalked over to the bathroom where you were washing your hands as his hands shook. You hadn’t looked up yet.

“Hey Bear, was it anything important?” You were met with silence, only Ari’s heavy breathing and the sound of running water filling the air. When he finally spoke up, you could hear a near-growl in his voice.

“Who is Oscar?” Your head darted up and your wide eyes met his through the mirror. You shut off the water, dried your hands, and turned around.

“He’s no one. No one that we should be concerned about, anyway. Why did he call?”

You could see the worry on Ari’s brow and the tears that threatened to fill his reddening eyes. “He said his bed was cold. He misses you. Is there something I don’t know?”

You broke your gaze with Ari, looking at your shifting feet on the cool floor while you fiddled with your fingertips. You took a deep breath and a step towards Ari, surprised by him taking a step back. He’d been hurt before and he didn’t need it coming from you, too. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his distance.

“Oscar is my ex. I should’ve known it would be him calling at this hour.” Ari’s look of hurt took on even more emotion; it was his turn to be confused.

“So he calls you often at this time of night? When I’m not around? And you don’t tell me? Do you always pick it up?”

You shook your head, reaching out to Ari, glad that this time he let your set your hands on his waist.

“No.” You whispered back, your watery gaze meeting his. “I know you and I have been a little private with our pasts, but I think it’s time we tell each other everything.”

Ari nodded as you followed him to the couch. A place where you two had just had your bodies pressed together found you sitting on opposite ends, your legs criss-crossed in front of you and Ari’s long legs out to the side. You weren’t touching at all as you pulled a pillow up against your chest for comfort and took a deep breath, preparing to start.

You told Ari everything. All about the relationship. The expectations, the lies, the late night phone calls, the broken promises, the new girl after the breakup. He nodded along, keeping a mostly level face, although he maintained a mild layer of disgust. How could someone so awful keep you for so long? You were too good for Oscar. Heck, Ari thought to himself, you were too good for him, too. But he would spend the rest of his life becoming better for you if he had to.

As Ari was taking it all in, you continued on. “Mostly during the relationship, but even for a few months after, he would still call me late at night. It’s been over a year since the last time. I honestly thought he would’ve forgotten all about me by now. I don’t have his contact saved anymore. Something must’ve happened, though. But it’s not my problem. He was always whiskey drunk and saying he missed me, just like this time, but I knew that wasn’t the case.”

You looked up at Ari. He seemed like he was beginning to understand. “When we were dating, I fell for it. I fell for all the sweet, yearning things he would say, and I’d come over. We’d dance down the hallway and fall into his bed. We’d lay there and talk, well, it was almost always him doing the talking and lying until the sun came up. I really lost my voice over that whole thing.”

Ari felt such deep sadness for you. His favorite thing was when you would talk passionately about something random or speak your mind against the popular opinion. To hear that someone took that away, someone didn’t appreciate you and your amazing qualities, made him want to scream. His jaw clenched and he kept his silence, grateful for the full insight on your life. If Ari ever met Oscar, well, who knows what would happen to that punk?

Your voice began to break as you sniffled. “I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me, or break my heart, but I felt used. Like I was a late night lonely drug. I know he thought he loved me, and he would say that I was all he wanted, but I think he just wanted someone. At one point, I wished that I was that one he wanted, but I think a part of me always knew I wasn’t.”

Ari had crept closer again over the duration of your story. He pulled you in tight to his chest and rubbed your back as you wept, tears staining his old t-shirt. He had no idea how someone so awful could bring down someone so amazing, so angelic. You were everything. The sun rose and and set on you for Ari.

He pulled away and set his eyes deeply on yours, his hands holding your fingers. “I’m so sorry, Angel. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You deserve the world. Anyone who can’t see that was never worthy to even be in your presence.” He kissed your forehead and your eyes gently closed at the gesture as a soft smile graced your face again at his true, genuine sweetness.

“You are the world. You’re my world, and I’m going to spend as long as I have to so you can see how much you mean to me. Every day, I’m going to do everything I can to give you the love you deserve. To show you just how much I really, truly, honestly love you.”

You sat there, mouth agape in shock. There it was. That was the first time either of you had dared to say the L-word to each other. It wasn’t haphazardly thrown out there as a last-ditch effort to stay. It wasn’t overused and thin. It was heavy, it was intentional, and it was true. It carried such a weight to it, but your were sure Ari wouldn’t have dropped it had he not meant the word with his whole soul.

You felt it too, though. That was the part that astounded you. There was no other person who you believed could ever hold a place so fitting for the word love. There was only Ari.

“I love you, too.” You spoke firmly, gazing into his bright blue eyes, lit up extra from his beaming smile. His hand moved up to your cheek and he leaned in for a kiss. His soft lips met yours as your tongues danced together. There was no greed, no rush. Just love.

When you pulled away, you rested your foreheads against each other. You sighed and giggled. “While I’m out here being honest. I feel like there’s something else I should tell you.”

Ari’s head tilted to the side, confused on what other bombshell you could be hiding. The truth was, you had never been completely forthright with your thoughts.

“Did I do something to make you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me before?” You could hear the wavering in his tone. After such a vulnerable moment, what else could be coming?

“No, no, that’s not at all what’s going on. It’s just…ugh….” You were beginning to grow frustrated with yourself. There was so much you kept locked inside as a result of how Oscar hurt you. You were elated it was coming out for Ari to see. He deserved to know every side of you, but words were hard to formulate in the right way.

“I’m sorry. I want to communicate more openly with you. But it’s scary. I thought when you found out about everything with Oscar, you’d judge me for it. You’d look at me differently.” He shook his head, about to speak up before you cut him off.

“I want to be able to explain it all fully. I should’ve told you all this sooner. I knew once I gave you everything, it would lock me in. It would have solidified everything in a way we can’t come back from. You knowing all the details of my life. I didn’t want it to blow up, because I knew if it did, I would never recover. If I’m being honest, I was so scared to give it all over to you because I’ll never get it back.”

Ari’s blew out a puff of air, processing your words. He simply nodded, allowing you to finish. He completely understood where you were coming from. To trust someone so deeply again after pain like that was the scariest thing he could think of, and he was going through it, too. He was just glad you did trust him. Because he’d give you everything you deserved and more in a heartbeat. The two of you weren’t locked in to anything bad at all, you were just securing yourselves in something you already knew.

After all the heaviness, you made an attempt to lighten the mood. “And, I think you should know, I’m completely capable of assembling a dresser by myself. There are just some times I ask you for help because I want to spend time with you. Not because I need it.”

You winked and Ari heartily laughed in response. “Is that also why you asked me if I needed help cooking dinner last week?”

It was your turn to laugh, throwing you head back before pulling it forward and shaking it back and forth. “No. Sometimes I offer help because I can’t stand to watch as you do something wrong.”

Ari playfully rolled his eyes and pulled you in close for one of his signature bear hugs. He spoke into your hair. “Well, I’m just happy you keep me around. And I’m always happy to do whatever, right by your side, like a true partner. I love you.”

You both inhaled each other’s scents deeply. “I love you, too.”

When you pulled away, Ari opened up and told you everything about his past, too.

Next >

Bonus A/N: reverence is rare and lies are plentiful

Series Taglist:

@patzammit

@hawkeyes-queen

@identity2212

[tales-from-elysivm]

BOO! Hii :)) I luv your arcane work, wondering if you could write a lil fluff fic with Vi and Jinx w/ an SO that has trouble getting out of bed bc of motivation problems, and they help a lot (I'm not projecting...I swear...)

★。／ just keep driving ＼。★

pairing: vi x f!reader, jinx x gn!reader (separate)

fandom: arcane

word count: 480

tw: canon typical swearing/slang, some light spoiler warnings, other than that just some wholesome fluffy content for my girls cuz they really need it – not proofread. Im tired

song title: keep driving by harry styles (i’m in a phase ok-)

notes: dw anon i hear you, my sleep schedule has been busted recently and i have no motivation :DD hope you enjoy some fluffy content with our girls, they really need it, so i loved this request!

! be sure to like and reblog if you enjoyed !

↳˗ˏviˎ˗ ↴

i don’t think vi has ever had a moment to slow down in her entire life

going from looking after powder to living in a prison to trying to track down her sister and help caitlin, vi just simply doesn’t have the time 

but that doesn’t mean she isn’t sympathetic to you

she finds you one morning when you had been late to meet up with her to complete a bounty she had taken on for some extra cash, so she decides to travel to your home in zaun to figure out what’s wrong with you

walking through your front door, she worries that maybe someone broke in

are you hurt?

did you leave?

did something happen to you?

what if– 

but no, you’re just in bed, staring at the ceiling and not moving, even when your bedroom door swings open and you have a 5’8” buff woman in the doorway

she will drag you out of bed if she has to, carrying you around, gently coaxing you through your day’s chores one at a time, with her right beside you <3 

“hey cupcake… rough couple of weeks? i understand, i’ll help you out today, yeah? one step at a time babe, and i’ll be here the whole time. slowly, ok? let’s get you some food first before we head out for the day. you gotta get out of bed today though, and i’m not leaving you here.”

↳˗ˏ jinx ˎ˗ ↴

jinx isn’t going to be much help to be honest 

all things considered, i don’t think jinx really does anything she is supposed to do, without putting it off for weeks and weeks

this isn’t necessarily a motivation issue with her though, just just can’t be fucked-

so when she comes barreling into your house to show off a new bomb she had been experimenting with, almost setting your house on fire, she’s not entirely surprised to find you curled up in bed

she’ll put away the bomb if you ask nicely enough - and give her a good pair of puppy eyes - and instead she’ll join you in bed

she doesn’t have anything to do that day anyways

and if you do? she thinks you can do it tomorrow, who’s really gonna care?

you have a girlfriend willing to commit arson for you if you ask, no one is going to criticise you as long as jinx is around

cuddles are in store for you

(if you beg her, you might be able to convince her to help you with your chores later on too)

“heya toots! it’s a lazy day today, huh? no problem, i was gonna have one of those myself. leave monkey-bomb outside? fineeee. if you insist. we’re not doing anything today though, ya hear me? i could really use some cuddles after tinkering in my workshop all day. scooch over now, bubbles!”

hope you enjoyed anon!!!

be sure to like and reblog if you enjoyed :))

[chanswifey]

Seventeen as your boyfriend | Jun

The best friend

You two have that kind of relationship that started as a friendship but at some point you became lovers and no one knows exactly when or how it happened

None of the members noticed until they saw the two of you actively kissing

And even then some of them were a bit confused cause "best friends kiss on the mouth?? 🤔🤔🤔"

You two roast each other so much, especially on game night. Uno became a forbidden game after he refused to talk to you for three days because you kept giving him +4s and you kept calling him a baby

He's not very into going out for date nights, he prefers to order something and eat in bed, under the cover while watching tv

He immediately cuddles into you as soon as he finishes eating and traps you in his embrace

Not even five minutes later and he's asleep, leaving you to watch TV alone

But you are not really paying attention either, you are too busy admiring your boyfriend's peaceful expression

He will go out though, if you want to. I feel like he is one of those boyfriends that will do whatever you want just because you asked him to

Very clingy, please don't say no to him when he asks for cuddles, he may pass away if you do 😔

That or he will lay all his weight on top of you to force you to cuddle him

"Why are you refusing my love????" He says, his voice muffled from having his face buried in your neck.

"Wen Junhui, I'm trying to work!!!!" You answer trying not to suffocate in the process

Very into couples' outfits. VERY.

If you dare to disagree to wear those he will whine like a baby until you do, then he turns into the happiest dude on earth

Doesn't care if anyone else thinks it's embarrassing

Also a big fan of skincare, loves doing spa days, sitting in the bathtub with a face mask on and all that stuff

Refuses to use his own products, he says they don't smell as good as yours but in reality, it's because they smell like you

Buys you your favorite food when you have a bad day and texts you funny videos to try to make you laugh

He loves to keep you updated on everything he does at work, sends pictures of the whole process

A selfie of him in the recording booth, one of him with the producers, another one for lunchtime, and so on

The happiest day ever is when he manages to take you to a schedule with him and shows off a lot on those days

Keeps asking you if you're enjoying or if you want to leave, please assure him you will never get bored with him around 🙏

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

2023 © chanswifey — do not repost or translate

author's note: not my favorite I have ever done, not gonna lie, but I think it came out alright. Hope everyone likes it 💖 please remember to like and reblog 💖

mlist | request here | what I write

[eveandtheturtles]

In my Memory

Ship: Raph x Reader

Summary/Warning: Angst. There was an accident and love makes people hang on when they should let go.

By default - Aged Up (18+) Bayverse Turtles, Reblogs are MUCH appreciated! Comments too! My askbox is open for all sorts of messages and requests! (currently taking Raph aligned ones)

@madammuffins @leosgirl82 @turtle-babe83 @sharpwindow @pheradream15 @thelaundrybitch @m1dnyt3-w0lf @dilucsflame33

(this might be the last angst for a while. We'll see... Anyone who wishes to be on the list let me knoooooow)

"You smell something?" You looked up from your spot on Raph's bed. "Something's burning."

Raph paused his push-up reps. "Probably Leo got to the toaster again," he snickered. "Donnie gonna have his head."

You smiled. "Yeah, most likely," you said. "Are you coming to bed?"

"Yeah, I think I am done here." He got up and stretched a little.

You snickered and stretched your arms to him. "C'mere you big brute."

He didn't let you wait long. He was right there next to you, wrapping his big arms around you, holding you close and safe.

~~~~~~

"Do you think Donnie can fix my phone?" You asked the next day.

You were lounging on top of your boyfriend watching him pay Animal Crossing. It was a secret just between the two of you.

"He should be, I'll pop by his lab and ask how's it going," Raph replied. "Get. Out. Stupid. Duck." His little avatar was smacking Gloria in the head. "It's been long enough, like couple weeks, no?"

"Yeah, something like that." You stroked his arm. "Am I not too heavy to lay on top of you like this?"

"I've told you before, you're light as a feather," he replied and kissed your head. "Finally!" he exclaimed when Gloria announced she's moving out.

"Why did you have her in the first place?" You giggled.

"Mikey. He got my Switch and decided to prank me," he grumbled.

"That's Mikey for you."

~~~~~~

You stood on the roof, enjoying the morning breeze and the sunrise. Pros of dating a ninja turtle your daily schedule was kinda off, allowing such things more frequently than not. The light breeze went right through your hair as you watched Raphael parkour his way over the roofs to you. The gravity meant nothing for him.

He had always been there for you. The great, red protector. Ready to sacrifice himself.

As he got closer you could tell he was annoyed. He landed next to you. He was buzzying as his irritation just radiated off of him. You smiled and sat down on the edge of the roof. This was going to be one of those Leo rants.

"-and he doesn't listen! Like I wasn't even there!! He always does that! If he just listened-," he grumbled stomping about, trying to walk off the energy.

You walked up to him, stood on your tippy toes and hugged him tight. "Shh," you tried to sooth him. "But the mission was successful?"

"Yeah, it was..." he admitted reluctantly. His arms were around you.

"Then for now that's good, you should really talk to him, you know? Really tell him how you feel," you said softly.

"Have you been watching any weird shows with Mikey again?" He snorted, nuzzling his forehead to yours.

"No, I didn't," you laughed a little. "You know that."

You stayed close, just basking in each other. "I need to go home soon," You said after a while.

"I know but... this with you is good for now," he replied.

"Okay."

~~~~~~

When you walked into the lair everything was so quiet. Splinter was sitting by the kitchen table, stroking the scarf Raph knitted him once. There was Leo, mindlessly going through his practice. Donnie by his monitors, watching one in particular, as if frozen in place. The atmosphere was strangely heavy.

You noted the rough shape everyone was in.

"Where's Mikey?" You asked.

"He's in the Needle Room," Raph replied quietly, squeezing your hand a little. You noted the tension in him. The clenched jaw, eyes fixed on the entrance to the Needle Room.

"Raph?" You turned to him. "It's okay."

"No, it's-"

Suddenly he got cut off when Donnie grabbed the edge of his desk and flipped it over. He yelled loudly and everyone stared at him in anticipation.

He slumped into the chair, hiding his face in his hands. Leo stopped his work-out and ran to his brother. Their father approached them and the three hugged pressing their head together.

"You have to be strong my sons," Splinter said softly. "The worst hasn't happened yet."

You turned to Raph. He was biting his lower lip, eyes shut and shivering as his tears slowly went down his face.

"Babe," you sighed and stroked his cheeks. "Let's go see Mikey."

"What if I don't want to?" He looked to the side. Not wanting for you to see him.

"But you do," you said. "He needs you."

You hugged him tightly. "I need you," he whispered into your ear.

"I won't be going anywhere," you promised.

Slowly, you both headed towards the Needle Room.

~~~~~

Raph's entire being screamed to not go. The sounds around him were muted aside of this constant high pitched noise from somewhere. The closer the two of you got to the room the stronger the smell of burning got. The heat licked over his scales and sank through into his bones.

Raph could swear his heartbeat was so loud he could hear it coming from the outside. His feet were dragging. Each step thundering over the metal flooring. Finally, both of you were there. At the mouth of the Needle Room.

He looked at you. Swallowed heavily. His hand trembled in yours.

"It's okay, you're almost there," you assured him.

He reached toward your face and pushed the hair covering half of it out of the way. He sucked the air in.

His mouth dried. You smiled.

"I am so sorry," he said, his voice becoming hoarse, wet. "I am so sorry." He felt to his knees.

"It's okay, I don't blame you," you spoke softly, hugging him to your middle. "You got me out. My hero."

You stroked his head, holding him close as a terrible sob broke through.

"I need you to do something for me," you spoke.

"No." He shook his head.

"I need you to go back to your brothers."

"No, no," he repeated. His eyes were bloodshot, he could feel his throat closing up. How could it be closing up, it wasn't even real!

He desperately clung to you. The scraps your clothes became as reality started to seep through.

"Please, please," he begged, desperately sucking in air between the sobs.

"They need you more than I do, you saw it."

He wept on the floor, your broken hero. Failed saviour. He was so cruel to himself.

"You did your best."

You pulled him up. It was so easy now, despite your form slowly crumbling up.

"please, come with me," he begged you but you shook your head. Your hair spreading embers.

"it's not how it works." Gently you pulled yourself out of his grip.

"I will be so lost without you, Mikey will miss you! Donnie, dad, even Leo!"

You placed the last ghost of a kiss on his lips. Then you pushed him inside.

"No!" He cried out and gasped for air as his eyes opened up.

His throat hurt, his eyes burned and he couldn't move. He saw Mikey, with his arm on a sling ran out of the Needle Room.

Raph was alive.

[caramel1mochi]

Weekend Together [Gekko x F! Reader] [2]

Heya! Welcome back!

Thanks for all of the likes, reblogs and follows, I can't tell you how much I appreciate every interaction on my posts! Also I feel a bit better I'm not the only one simping for fictional men, haha...

Anyway, please be patient with my abhorrent formatting I JUST discovered that shift + enter is a thing that exists and I'm very humiliated.

❤ฺ·。

Gekko x F! Reader

Part 1 - Part 2

Genre: Fluff

Synopsis: Gekko gets over his anxiety and finally asks you out, watching delightfully as you finally let your guard down. Or so he thinks.

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ· +❤·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·

Jett looked toward the group, clearly irritated.

“그 잘난 체하는 작은… we’ll show him, I’ll empty his wallet one of these days!” <That smug little…>

“Are you gonna mug him, or something?”

Gekko joked, but was quickly silenced once everyone’s eyes locked onto him; a sense of determination flooding each and every one of them. Maybe... too much determination.

Killjoy spoke up.

“Warten! The date! You’re going on that date, Gekko!” <Wait!>

“Date?”

“That’s right! You’ll go on that date and ask her where she’s from!”

Wingman gurgled on Jett’s lap, forcing a smile on the Korean’s face. Gekko quickly looked down on his bag to notice the empty display. But after the fifth time, he was hardly surprised she managed to steal him under his nose.

“See? Even Wings agrees!”

“That’s not what he–”

“Please, Gekko? For me? Think what that money could–”

Just as she went to speak another word to guilt him into following through, he put a hand on her face and pushed her away with an unamused expression.

“I’m not using A/N just so you guys can win a bet. She'd kill us if she found out, you know that?”

“Come on, fam. You’ve stalled for a whole week already! She’s probably forgotten about that Deadlock thing by now!”

Gekko blushed and leaned back on the seat once more. True. He’d even picked out a location and everything. Even the perfect time to go, one that would align with your schedule. But he just couldn’t make the first move, not when you’d barely even bother to say ‘hey’ back.

“Chale, man, I don’t even know how to ask her.” <No way,>

“Mate, look around you! You’ve got so much good advice just waiting to be handed to you. All you have to do is ask!”

He lifted his chin and looked towards the obvious solution that sat literally just opposite to him. That’s right, Killjoy and Raze, a set of warm smiles lifting their cheeks. The first ever officially established couple in the protocol.  How could he be so stupid? They're right there! He could just ask–

“Erm, mate, I wasn’t talking about them.”

Gekko met his gaze with a raised eyebrow.

“Okay, fine. Show me your ways, wise sage.”

❤ฺ·。

Even when you were getting ready for bed, you had to run around for your nightly routine to make sure everything was ready. And by the time you finally laid down, covered yourself with the blanket and closed the lamp next to you, your phone buzzed with a notification.

With a deep sigh, you took the phone and checked the oncoming text. But it was from the last person you’d expect.

Gekko. 

‘Are you free tomorrow?’

Ugh. Tomorrow was supposed to be your private time. By the looks of things, he was about to follow up on that promise he made a week ago.  And what you hated more was that you remembered.

‘Yes. What is it?’

‘I was wondering if we could go out?’

…

Oh. Wow. 

You didn’t know what to say, really. He actually followed through. When’d he get so bold, anyway? He could hardly muster up a sentence around you, not when he starts acting like a teen who’s experiencing their first ever crush in their entire life. 

Oh wait.

But it still surprised you. Usually, you’d hang out with the posh ones. Professional, poise, well spoken. Two-faced. Which is why you were one of the superiors. So, in a way, Gekko was a refreshing change of pace.

So, whatever.

‘Sure. What time?’

Unbeknownst to you, as you put your phone down and covered yourself with your blanket, this simple text made Gekko’s heart skip enough beats it nearly constituted an emergency.

[spider-bren]

I 100% support your klaber simping. PLEASE anything that has klaber x reader (idk about gender maybe slight fem preference). It is such a shame that there are like no stories about him. im VERY uncreative so i can only think of a few basic prompt ideas: dating headcanon when on the same side vs siding with indy or maybe some angst about fighting with him when trying to convince him to settle down with you somewhere instead continuing to work for Voller

i REALLY dont care i just NEED stories with him

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Some people are still sleeping on the greatness that is Boyd Holbrook. I am very glad to be doing my first ask for Klaber! So thank you for this. Feel free to give me more or if you just wanna scream about Klaber/Boyd. I LOVE how you said you don't care you just need stories with him. Honestly: Mood.

So here you go. I hope you enjoy. EXTREMELY happy to do more. Give me 5 more prompts (or maybe 10) I need him and I need to write him.

I do also ask that you please reblog my work when I do post so that we can get more people to post stories or give prompts. Klaber deserves the love :)

CHOOSE ME LIKE YOU CHOOSE HIM

Pairing: Klaber x Fem!Reader (can also be read as GN!Reader)

Prompt: maybe some angst about fighting with him when trying to convince him to settle down with you somewhere instead continuing to work for Voller

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Canon Characterization - Nazi, Love Confessions, Mention of Size Difference

Summary: He didn't want to leave you. But he was a part of something greater than himself. You ask him to stay.

Dawn broke through the curtains of your apartment window. You were still half asleep when you felt the bed shift next to you. Klaber was moving to get up. The warm rays of light caught his golden head of hair that made it look almost white. His blue eyes fixed on yours as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

"I have to go," he whispered, moving to get dressed.

You watched as he slipped on his grey suit pants and fastened the buttons of his crumpled white shirt. You rolled out of the bed before he left for the door. Blocking his path, he eyed you up and down in your underwear with a smile thinking you wanted one more kiss before he left.

"Eli, can we talk?"

"I only have a few minutes or else I'm gonna be late to meet my boss." He checked his watch impatiently.

But then seeing how seeing how serious you looked, he placed his hands on your shoulders. He was taller than you, bigger, broader. You liked that about him. You liked how he could tower over you and press you against walls. He wasn't threatening or ever violent.

You know what he did for work though. Henchman to Jürgen Voller. Lapdog for a Nazi.

You didn't care who he was. Only that he loved you and made you feel like you were special. He made time for you even in his busy schedule  when your other boyfriends never did.

"What's wrong, baby? I can see you're stressed out. I can be a little late. Tell me what's wrong."

You crossed your arms over your chest. "I don't want you to fly so much anymore. I miss you."

He sighed and rubbed your shoulders and arms. "Sweetheart, wherever he asks me to do, wherever he wants me to go, I have to do it."

"But you don't. You can stay with me. Can't you? You could choose me. You could settle down. We can move in together. No more back and forth and hotels. We can be together like a real couple."

"We are a real couple." He frowned.

"You know what I mean! I know this job is important to you. You want to belong to something. He helped you find yourself, find your place in this world and I don't ever judge you for it. I would never hate you for that. I want you to be happy and I want you to feel like you're at home and yourself. But...I want it to be with me. I want you to fight for me like you fight for him. I want you to run where I run, go where I go. Is that too much to ask for? If it is, then what are we doing? What future do we have?"

Klaber fixed his eyes on the floor. His shoulders lifted making him looker bigger as he let out a heavy breath. He let go of you and rubbed his thumb on his forehead before pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I owe everything I am to Voller. He gave me this life. I would be nowhere without him. I am who I am today because of him."

"I know you feel you're indebted to him, but what about me? I'm not just someone you fuck occasionally."

"No, you're not. Jesus, you're not. What am I supposed to do? Huh? I can't just---" He shook his head, tongue dragging angrily across his bottom lip.

There was a silence that caused a fissure inside your chest. He could walk out that door and you'd never see him again. He could choose a damn Nazi over you. You watched as his body settled and relaxed. His breathing evened out and his gaze was back on you.

"You're right, baby. I can't expect you to wait for me all the time. It's dangerous work, I know, and you're probably worried about me every day. Look, I will talk to Voller. I will make this work. I want us to work. You make me happy. Okay? Not this job. I got into this when I was nineteen and yes, it has it perks at best and at worst it's just a pain in the ass. But now, I found you, I want to be with you. I do want to live with you."

"You do? You mean it?" You pressed up against him, lifting yourself on your tiptoes to stretch up and lock your hands around his neck.

His large hands landed on your waist and pulled you in to his body.

"I do. I love you, y/n. Nothing can stop that. Not even Voller."

[trashyandtiredsol]

I weirdly feel tired and kinda shitty rn?????

Gonna type my day out, big text time

The fuck- I had a nice day, ate well (2 waffles plus a peanut butter nature valley cracker sandwich thing and a small bag of chips a bit before noon, then had coffee and finished it in like maybe less than 20 minutes that my mom got me after I ate what I said above this.

I then went to a Wizard of Oz play with my gram and a couple of her friends, listened to my music with earbuds during the ride, so nice and not awkward stimulation from being uncomfortable and to quiet. We were on the balcony there, right after the row in the front of the balcony. I really liked the play, would recommend, they did a fantastic job at it. I worked on a rottmnt Leo drawing before it started, Finished it!! Then I worked on my bluejay lemur drawing during intermission, didn't get real far :/ gotta look back at my wing tip Reblog at some point.

We then went to some food place never heard of before, tried haddock and some other seafood thing grs friends ordered, wasn't a huge fan. I ordered a chili dog with orange Fanta soda (small size I think?) with some fries, didn't finish the fries, was a bit larger than I was hungry for.

Also listened to music on the way home and dropping grams friends off.

I then ate a donut my mom got me (dunkins, same place she got the coffee (iced pumpkin spice coffee with caramel added, highly recommend!), plus the other donut that was for my brother, but he didn't want it. Took a drowsy making allergy pill plus my prescribed sleep pill before I ate the donuts, it was after 6 then, which is when I usually take the pills, helps me fall sleep faster if I take them an hour or two before 8 ish, when I usually go to bed (to not fuck my sleep schedule and to be able to sleep more).

I then was going thru my Tumblr notifications, replied to mino on mini me in mug (will work on eventually!! It's currently 8:40 rn, gotta sleep soon :/).

I then went to get ice cream with my mom and step grandma (married to my grandpa, my bio gram and him aren't together) from McDonald's, an Oreo mcflurry, finished it before I'm typing this post.

And then am now going thru my Tumblr notifications and making this post, will go to bed after I finish this and finish going thru my Tumblr notifications!!! :D

My day all typed out (woke up at 7 something, that's why I go to bed at 8ish wanna sleep around 8-10 ish hours :P. I like sleep)

[baereaved]

Sheril Kamelot - Chapter 188

[cal-puddies]

Think of You Later in my Empty Room// Calum Hood

Hello friends! It's been an absolute dream getting to co-write with Crystal again - it's been far too long! There's not much to intro here - as we mentioned, this series originated with us daydreaming about lighting up and getting down with our guys and for Cal, a lazy day at home seemed so natural, and its me so we made it a lil emo for ya.

I hope you checked out @kindahoping4forever's blog for Hit of Dopamine, Higher Than I've Ever Been, which is the Ash installment, and you'll want to go back and check out the verifiably unhinged Luke part tomorrow.

Warnings: Boyfriend!Cal, angsty!girlfriend worried about missing him when he leaves again. significant use of weed, high sex, oral sex, anal play, cum play, dirty talk containing strong language

Word Count: 6260

I Hope You Think Of Me High Series Masterlist

Crystal Masterlist // Cass Masterlist // Ko-Fis linked in our bios

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!

It’s a lazy afternoon in bed, in the middle of a lazy day in the midst of a lazy week. Calum’s fingers tangle in your hair as you lay in his lap and you giggle softly as you look up at him, eyes warning him to be careful but also asking him not to stop touching you.

You hum contentedly to the softly playing playlist in the background, feeling your boyfriend’s eyes fixate on you as you stretch out in one of his favorite t-shirts. Your gaze happens upon his packed luggage by the door, a silent reminder of the topic you’ve both been trying to ignore, and you try not to let your face fall but judging by the sigh he lets out, he definitely noticed.

“We can talk about it if you want,” he offers.

“I don’t want,” you say stubbornly. “Anything outside of this room, outside of this bed doesn’t exist to me right now.”

He chuckles, smoothing his hand over the top of your head. “Baby… it’s only gonna be a couple of weeks. And then you’ll be on the road with me.” 

You pout, “You just got home.” 

“I know, love. And we’ve had a great week together, haven’t we?” You stay quiet, not ready to concede your point, so he continues. “We both knew the schedule when the tour got planned, a week to recharge between legs… knew it wasn’t gonna be easy.”

You sigh, “Cal, I can understand it and accept it and still be sad about it. I’ve just now gotten used to you being here again… I like having you here to talk to, to share things with… just to get a hug when I need one…” 

“I miss those things when I’m away, too,” he reminds you, pulling your hands to his lips so he can kiss your wrists. He grins brightly, trying to cheer you up. “But it’s only a couple weeks until you get that time off and you can join me… I’m very glad your passport finally came.” 

You can’t help but reach up to caress his raised cheeks. “Yeah… I’m looking forward to it. Really,” you admit, smiling back at him. “So much to do before then, though. Gotta get all my stuff together, all the stuff you’re definitely gonna forget to pack and want me to bring out with me.” You giggle at your own joke and giggle even louder at his pouty reaction to it.

“I know you’re teasing me but we should actually start seeing what all you wanna bring so we know whether or not we need to buy you a bigger suitcase,” he points out.

“So the rest of the week is gonna be busy is what you’re saying.”

“Yes, which is why we’re doing this today,” he says matter of factly, grabbing the bong off the bedside table, gesturing for you to pass him the lighter you’ve been fidgeting with. You toss it to him and sit up against the headboard next to him, watching lovingly as he repacks the bowl from your morning smoke session. 

Ever the gentleman, Calum offers it to you first, paying close attention as you position yourself over the mouthpiece, waiting for your cue to light the bowl. You end up taking a pretty good hit and he grins at you as he clears the chamber for himself. You watch his nimble fingers wrap around the bong, gracefully lighting up and tucking the lighter into his palm as he removes the slide, inhaling a large hit and dramatically throwing his head back to blow it out.

You bite your lip, watching him reset for a second hit; his eyes are on you, watching you watch him, noticing your eye line is mostly on his fingers. He inhales and then pulls you in, first to shotgun the hit to you and then to slot your lips together for a kiss after you blow out the smoke. He offers you the bong and when you decline, he uses it once more himself before setting it back on the nightstand.

“C’mere,” he murmurs, patting his thigh. You climb up to straddle him, wrapping your arms around him, nuzzling your face into his neck. You let out a soft sigh as his hands rub up and down your bare thighs, eventually nudging your shirt up over your hips so he can give your ass a tight squeeze. He raises his eyebrows, surprised. “Forgot you’re not wearing panties,” he chuckles. 

You smirk and kiss his neck. “What’s the point? You’re just gonna take ‘em off me anyway.” 

“I like you naked… I like being naked with you too, is that so wrong?” 

“Nah… you know I like our naked bods pressed together too.” 

He shrugs. “They don’t even need to be pressed together… I just prefer ya naked.” He tugs the back of your shirt and you lean back, lifting your arms up so he can pull it off. His fingers trail over your skin as he removes your top and you shiver. “Love the way your body responds to my touch… spent weeks getting off to the thought of touching you again.” He drags his fingers across the tops of your breasts, along your collarbone, down your side and across your tummy as he whispers. Your body lets him know how much you love it by raising goosebumps over your skin and your nipples hardening. 

You thread your fingers into Cal’s hair as he leans in to kiss on your neck, his stubble prickling your skin. He leans you back to allow himself more access to your body and he immediately takes advantage by wrapping his lips around one of your nipples. He rolls the other between his fingers and palms your breast, and switches, lavishing his tongue over the other side. 

You gently scratch at his scalp and he looks up at you, sleepy, red eyes telling you how high he is. He grins before putting his attention back on your tits, sucking marks onto them before pressing a gentle kiss to each one and then kissing back up your neck. He engages you in a slow, sensual make out. His hands feel like they’re everywhere at once, all over your body while yours travel into his boxer to squeeze his ass. He eagerly shimmies them off, sitting up on his knees to toss them aside. “You’re so gorgeous, baby, never get tired of looking at you,” he coos, intertwining your fingers. 

“Me? Look at you, bubba,” you sigh, looking him up and down, realizing how hard he is. 

He takes your hand in his and moves them both toward his body, cupping his cock with his and your hand. “This is all you baby, you do this. Every damn time,” he explains. You bite your lip, keeping eye contact with him as he moves your hands, swiping his fingertips through your folds. “And I love that I do this to you,” he murmurs, holding up his wet fingers. He sticks them in his mouth and your chilled out brain is still processing that image when he starts moving much quicker than he has all day. 

He grabs the super soft blanket from the foot of the bed and quickly shakes it out as he lays next to you again. You both watch, stoned minds fascinated, as the material balloons and flutters back down to cover your bodies, “Your favorite,” he mumbles sweetly, kissing your forehead before turning onto his side so he can drape his arm across your stomach and pull you in close against his chest. 

The two of you snuggle together, alternating between whispering sweet nothings to each other and dozing off. Naturally, things eventually evolve into another sweet make out session and you can’t get enough of the slow, unrushed indulgence.

Cal enjoys touching you as much as you enjoy him touching you, which makes everything so much better. He softly moans, appreciating your body’s reactions to him, just like he mentioned. You lean in as he presses gentle kisses to your neck and sigh his name. 

“Need you, sweet girl,” he rasps in your ear. 

You rub your fingertips against his stubble and nod. “Yeah… need you too, handsome.” 

He smooths his hand down your side, pushing his thigh between yours, moving his hand from your hip to your pussy to help him guide his cock in. Your breath hitches in your throat and your jaw falls slack. On a good day, he’s a tight fit, but when you’re high, you feel it extra. “Fuck,” you whimper as he sinks all the way in.

Concern colors his voice as he groans, “You alright, darlin’?” You nod, squeezing your eyes shut, breathing through the stretch. You turn your head towards him, looking for a kiss and his tongue is quickly in your mouth, trying to soothe you. He’s ready to reach for lube when you finally relax into him. “That’s good, baby,” he praises you. 

Calum stays unmoving, buried in you, giving you more time to adjust and himself more time to strategize. If he thrusts into you, he knows it’ll feel too good and he’ll have trouble keeping things at a slow pace, which is not only the vibe of the day but something you clearly need. But if you move against him, he knows he’ll cum almost instantly and neither of you will get to enjoy the experience. You’ve been high with him enough times to recognize his dilemma and you offer a simple solution. “Just lay here with me, bubba,” you suggest. You add with a dreamy sigh, “Feel so good inside me.” Your eyelids are heavy as you turn to look at him, nipping at his nose before parting your lips for a kiss. He happily obliges and the two of you are soon caught up in an endless loop of soft open mouth kisses with curious tongues, while your fingers dance across each other’s skin, your bodies still intimately connected. 

Your boyfriend is fully entranced with you and he wants more. One hand caresses your thigh while the other gently cups your tits, softly teasing your nipples. He groans softly into your mouth when his fingertips move over to your clit, gently at first. He feels how turned on you are and decides to add a little more pressure,and you moan quietly. 

“You’re so wet, little darlin’.”

“How am I not supposed to be?” 

He grins as you arch your back into him. “You know I love you this way… open, wet… love you high because everything feels so good to you and with you.” 

“Caaaaal… oh… like that… please?” 

“F’course darlin’.” He keeps sliding his fingers up and down your clit, varying it with circles every so often. You gasp at the sensations he’s given and your breath shift makes your pussy throb around him. “Ohhh…” Cal moans with you. “Mmm… baby, I think this is working for both of us.” 

“It’s definitely working for me,” you pant, moving against him. 

“You really like when I do this,” he mutters, sliding his fingers across your clit. “Your cunt squeezes so good…” 

You moan at the action and his words, clawing at his arm with one hand, your other covering his at your tits. He lets you intertwine your fingers there and he holds you while he nibbles your neck and sucks your earlobe, all his cock still fills you, his hand working between your legs. He could not be more all over you than he is right now and you’re feeling completely overwhelmed by his attention. 

His name spills from your lips over and over, he is the only thing you really know or care to know in this moment. You start pulling at his arm, trying to get him to stop rubbing your clit, even though you can’t put the words together. You turn your head toward him, softly whining, “Please, Cal… feels so good… don’t wanna cum yet.” 

He slows his fingers down, speaking softly to you. “Ok, sweet girl, I can be patient if you can.” He holds his wet fingers to your mouth and you clean them, licking and sucking at them. “Sweet, sweet girl,” he murmurs, smiling at you. He wraps his arms around you possessively and the two of you lay cuddled. 

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes to immerse yourself in all of your senses. Unsurprisingly, they’re being dominated by the love and comfort you find in Cal. You take in his scent, which is always calming to you. His even breathing in your ear, his little loving whispers, his soft lips against your neck. You run your fingertips over his arms, softly humming in response to his presence. Everything seems to be moving slowly in your hazy, lovestruck mind so you’re not sure how long the two of you have been laying here but you wish it could go on forever. 

 “Calum… bubba,” you sigh quietly. “I love you… I love you and I love being full of you…”

He gently thrusts his hips in response, whispering in your ear, “And I love filling you, darlin’… And I love you. My best girl.” 

You reach one hand back and thread your fingers in his hair. “Think I’m ready to cum for you, handsome.” 

Calum uses one hand to pull you into a kiss, the other finding its way back to your clit. You immediately arch against him and he takes the opportunity to cover your face, neck and shoulder with wet kisses, groaning into your skin as he goes. Overwhelming you again. 

The orgasm shouldn’t be a surprise but it feels like it comes on suddenly and it’s incredibly intense. You whimper and whine as you tighten around him and he’s sensitive enough from the weed that it makes him cum too. “Oh my god, Cal,” you breathe as you feel his cum spilling into you. Your nails dig in anywhere you can reach and you bite his arm where it holds you across your shoulders. 

“That’s my sweet girl,” he huffs. “Always so good to me, shoulda known you’d make me cum like that.” He gently nibbles along your jaw. 

“So good, love,” you murmur, turning into him for a kiss. 

You lay wrapped up in each other for a while but you both get a little restless as the high starts to wear off. “Should get you cleaned up darlin,” he remarks. You clench around him as he pulls out and you close your eyes, giggling at the loud groan he lets out at how good it feels. You expect to feel the bed shift from him getting up to head to the bathroom but it never does and you turn over to see what he’s up to.

You find him digging through the bedside table, finally pulling out a baggie of pre-rolled joints. He lights one and takes one, two puffs before passing it to you. He watches you finish a hit before he’s pushing your thighs apart and settling between them. He leans back up for a quick kiss and to grab the joint from you, taking another hit before placing it back between your lips.

“I love seeing you like this… open… messy, my cum dripping out of you,” he groans. His fingertips slide through your folds and he licks the mess of his release off of them. You moan and put one arm behind you to prop you up so you can enjoy the show. You love when he gets like this. His tongue slicks through your folds, immediately teasing your entrance. “I never get tired of the way we taste together.”

You use one hand to lift the joint to and from your lips, the other stays threaded into Cal’s hair as you watch him noisily eat his cum out of you. After a certain point it’s obvious he’s moved beyond the task of cleaning you and he’s now just enjoying your body. He moans into you, nips at your thighs, holding them tight to leave marks, sucking hickeys as he goes. He sucks a particularly large one onto your hip while his thumb rubs your clit and you hear the pop when he pulls off. You blow out a smoke ring as you feel the stirrings of another potential orgasm and you wonder what you ever did to get this lucky.

Calum uses his head to gesture toward you as one hand is occupied kneading your ass, and the other is still playing with your clit. “Can I get that last hit, baby?” You take the cigarette from your own lips and stick it between his. Looking down at Cal, plump lips glistening, red and swollen from eating you out, killing a joint while still between your legs - you’re confident it’s the most erotic thing you’ve ever seen. You offer him the ashtray from the bedside table and he coolly tosses the finished joint in it before blowing his smoke at your pussy. “You ready to cum for me again?” 

“Jesus, Cal… make me cum for you.” 

His lips quickly wrap back around your clit and your fingers make a mess of his hair as he holds onto you tightly. His tongue makes quick, precise work of your clit and your reinvigorated high has you feeling overwhelmed once again. All of your senses are screaming Cal and only Cal. 

He pulls your thighs over his shoulders, intertwining your fingers as he decides to start working his tongue inside you, instead of just playing with your clit. 

“Holy fuck… Cal… please please please.” You whimper, panting out his name over and over.

“That’s my girl,” he hums, grinning against you. He works his tongue back in, as deep as he can and you buck your hips against his face. He teases, “Needy, darlin’?” 

You chant his name, hips meeting every flick of his tongue. He’s both amused and turned on based on the giggles and groans he’s filling you with. He starts humming and ultimately that’s what sets you off. You swear you’ve never moaned louder in your life as you crash over the edge, hips grinding wildly against his face. Cal withdraws his tongue but slowly licks over your clit, bringing you down in a slow way. He lets go of your hands and grabs your hip, rubbing his thumb there reassuringly. You reach out, searching for his other hand, but it quickly registers that he’s using it to slowly stroke his cock. 

He notices you’ve gone uncharacteristically silent as he quickly licks and cleans your second orgasm and when he pulls back to look up at you, he finds you with your face buried in your hands.

“What’s goin’ on, sweet girl?” He asks softly, gently pulling your wrists so you’ll uncover your face. 

You stare at him, pink chubby cheeks all pink and sweaty, plump lips all red and swollen, a sweet look of concern coloring his expression. “Just… overwhelmed, I think,” you admit.

He settles in next to you, leaning down to peck your lips. “Wanna talk about it?” 

You tuck a hand in his curls, smiling at him wistfully. “I’m not sure there’s much to talk about, Cal… I just feel so much for you… all this love and the emotion…” You trail off, trying to gather your thoughts, figure out how to articulate the lump in your throat. “Having all of your attention these past couple days… it’s just been so wonderful. You’re so wonderful. Make me feel so safe and loved. Known. And I think… I need to try and figure out how to comprehend… like… that’s all going away in a couple of days. I don’t know if you know, Cal… but I had a really tough time these past couple months without you. And now we’re going right back into that. You weren’t home long enough.” 

Calum takes a long, deep breath, holding your gaze. You can tell he feels bad that you’re hurting and that it makes him feel even worse that he’s the cause and there’s nothing he can do about it. Fighting the frown that threatens to cloud his features, he gives you a soft smile and starts pressing kisses to your face. “I agree with you, love… I wish I was able to be here longer too. Feel like we were just getting back in the swing of things and now I have to go away again,” he shrugs. He squeezes your hand reassuringly. “But I promise you, ‘all of this’ isn’t going away baby. We’re gonna be back together again before you know it. And you know I’m always just a phone call or a FaceTime away. Even when we’re apart, I’m always there for you and you’re always there for me. That part doesn’t change.” 

You nod, chewing your lip. You almost feel embarrassed at your outburst. It’s not like you didn’t know things would be like this when you started dating him. “I know, bubba… I didn’t mean to make it seem like you’re abandoning me or anything. I know you’d do anything for me, no matter where you are. I’m sorry.”

He does a double take, looking at you incredulously. “Sorry? Sorry for what?”

“I don’t want to make you feel bad about leaving. I want you to go on tour, I want you and the band to be successful enough so that you have to leave like this. You’re just doing what you love and I want that for you.”

He sighs, lifting your hand to his lips. “Baby, I also love you. And you’re just feeling your feelings. And all the feelings you just shared with me are completely valid. This is a lot to process. It’s a hard transition from being together all the time to not getting to see each other, especially since this is new for us.” 

You give him a sad smile. “Are you about to tell me it gets easier?”

Calum rubs over your arm, grinning. “Oh, definitely not, darlin’, this part’s always gonna be torture,” he chuckles. “We’ll get better about dealing with it, though, I think. ‘Specially if we keep talking about it like this.”

You squeeze his hand on your arm. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“Thank you for being honest. Know it’s hard with me sometimes. But I’m glad you told me how you felt.” 

You run your hand through his curls and lean in, needing to feel his lips on yours. He pulls you closer and you feel his still semi hard cock brush your stomach. You stay engaged in the kiss but let your hand wander down his body, wrapping around his length. He hums in response to your touch but after a few strokes, he reaches down to stop you. 

“I’m OK, sweet girl. Let’s get up and get some food, maybe some sunshine,” he insists, moving your hand away from his body and interlacing your fingers. Your face must display your confusion because he chuckles as he kisses your knuckles before pushing up off the bed and crossing the room to the dresser. He smiles warmly as he tosses you a clean t-shirt and pulls out a pair of shorts for himself. “You’ve given me so much this week, darlin’, think it’s OK if we say you owe me one.”

You follow Cal into the kitchen where he sets to work making a couple sandwiches and cutting up some fruit; you make yourself useful by pouring two tall glasses of ice water and grabbing the lighter, pipe and weed jar off the kitchen counter to take outside. The two of you set everything up on the table in the shade and just as you’re about to take your seat, you feel his hands around your waist, pulling you into his lap. You relax against him while the two of you eat and you can tell he’s doing his best to comfort you in light of the conversation you just had. His arm rests across your lap, he presses soft kisses to your jaw and cheek, his hands shower you in affection, never leaving your skin. 

“Sweet girl?” He murmurs into your ear after the meal is over. You cock your head to indicate you’re paying attention and he brings the jar of weed around to your line of vision, shaking it. “You wanna smoke this with me? Should be a little bit more of a mellow vibe than what we had earlier.”

Mellow definitely sounds good to you right now, so you nod and turn to so you can watch his hands work, carefully packing the bowl. You bite your lip and squeeze your thighs together, enjoying the show. You still feel a bit overwhelmed from earlier but after witnessing how thoughtful and attentive he was in navigating your emotions, how willing he was to talk things out with you, you’ve felt the sadness dissipating and instead be replaced by a need to be close to him, to show him your appreciation.

Calum must be feeling similarly because midway through his task, he turns and quickly draws you into a hungry kiss before nuzzling his nose to yours. “What a perfect way to close out such a lovely day with my girl,” he murmurs, running his hand up your thigh. 

You brush his hair back, letting your hand fall to his neck and then chest. You play innocent, though you know exactly what rubbing your thumb over his nipple will do. You watch as his eyes close and his lips part, letting out a soft moan. “You’re so good to me, Cal,” you coo, leaning in to kiss his neck, sucking a mark onto his collarbone. He would typically stop you but it feels too good and he loves you too much right now for him to care.

The pipe lays forgotten on the table as your kisses trail lower, allowing your tongue to poke out and tease his other nipple. His hand comes down to hold the back of your neck as you tease him and you groan against his skin when you feel his cock twitch in his shorts. His fingertips run up your thighs, bunching your t-shirt at your hips as his touch continues the journey up your stomach and ribs, then gently over your breasts and nipples and back again. 

After a few more minutes of this, he gently nibbles your earlobe and tugs at the hem of your shirt. “Can I take this off?” 

You lean into his ear to whisper, “Can I ask for something in return?”

“Anything.” He says earnestly, tongue sliding over your lips before kissing them.

You look into his eyes. “Fill me?” You ask, reaching down to squeeze the tent forming in his shorts. 

He lifts his hips with you still on him, kicking his shorts off and giving himself a few pumps to get fully hard. His fingers run up your thighs, ready to pull off your underwear but he laughs heartily when he realizes there’s nothing there.

“Still no panties?”

“Still no point,” you smirk, turning back around in his lap and lowering yourself down on his cock.

Cal hastily discards your shirt, burying his face in your bare shoulders as you continue to sink down on him. You let out a breathy sigh, wiggling your hips to get him bottomed out and your efforts are met with a low growl from him. 

You gently turn his head toward you, giving him a heated kiss, finishing off by sucking his bottom lip. As you turn and press your back into his chest, his hands come around to cup your tits and he plays with your nipples, “I love the way you feel in me,” you sigh.

“I love the way you feel around me, baby. Tight, warm, wet… absolute perfect fit.”

You use his thighs for leverage as you push yourself up until just his tip is at your entrance and then you sink down as slow as you can possibly manage, intending to feel every vein and ridge of his cock. He pulls you back into a sloppy kiss and he’s practically shaking from the sensations you’re giving him. 

“You OK, handsome?” You ask, teasing lilt in your voice. 

“Do that again.”

You repeat your actions and he chokes on his moan. He settles his hands on your hips and though you expect him to try to get you to move faster, his grip just squeezes your skin as he sits back and lets you control the pace, groaning as he watches you take him over and over again.

“That’s it, baby… just like that,” he praises, head lulling back, closing his eyes to appreciate your slow work.

Your brow furrows in concentration as you move over him, thighs burning from going so slow but it feels so fucking good and he sounds so fucking good, you know the memory will be worth the pain later. You feel him lean in to cup your tits, giving them a nice squeeze before he turns your face towards his again, slotting your lips together. 

His hand starts to drift between your legs but you bat it away, groaning, “Cal… let me do this, baby, let me make us feel good.”

He curses under his breath but obliges, leaning back to let you move freely. He goes quiet and you smirk to yourself, knowing he’s probably become hypnotized watching your ass jiggle and bounce as you ride him. You speed up just a little, trying to give him a bit more of a show, and sure enough you hear his breathing get heavier and feel a hand stroke down your skin, making a home for itself on the small of your back, wanting to touch you but also not wanting to obscure his view.

“Goddamn, darlin’...” He breathes, voice raspy and ragged. “Look so fuckin’ good riding me… don’t know why we don’t do it like this more often.”

You toss him a teasing look over your shoulder. “Because you’re a sweet boy who loves to kiss and look into your lover’s eyes… also the combo of staring at my ass and watching your cock disappear usually makes you cum pretty quick.”

Cal laughs loudly, “If you were seeing what I’m seeing, you’d be a lot closer to losing control too, baby.”

He groans loudly as you slow down again, rolling your hips extra slow so he can get a good look at your body engulfing him. “Well, next time we’ll have to make arrangements for that,” you tease, biting your lip as the possibilities run through your mind.

“Lotta things we’ll have to get to next time,” he teases back, letting his hand slide from your back to between your cheeks, fingers grazing your rim. He chuckles darkly at the way your body instinctively responds, how you fall forward, your back arching, your ass making itself more accessible to him. He loves that your body is asking him to continue but he wants to hear you say it so he plays dumb and asks, “Oh?”

“Yeah… please” is all you can manage but it’s all the prompting he needs. He sucks his thumb into his mouth and the wet noises of him coating it in spit, the loud pop when he releases it causing you to shiver in anticipation. You raise your hips, stilling your movements, holding your breath as you feel his hands on your backside again. He squeezes and massages your cheeks before spreading them and pressing his thumb against your hole. “Yesssss… Caaaal,” you sigh, overcome by the contrast of the dull pressure of his finger pushing inside you while his other four offer feather light reassurance just above the intrusion.

He groans as he prods further, getting lost in your breathy reactions and the bliss of watching your body accept even more of him. “Come on, little darlin’,” he rasps, squeezing your hip with his free hand. “Gonna keep movin’ for me?"

You whimper as you resume riding him, doing your best to set a new and effective pace even though you’re feeling completely overwhelmed by the knowledge Calum is filling both of your holes. His noises blend with yours, the two of you moaning together, you reacting to the deliciously full feeling he’s giving you, Cal doing his best to keep in control despite the fact that your ass looks unreal taking everything he’s giving you, that he’s feeling friction from his thumb on his cock and it’s bringing him closer to the edge than he’s ready for.

“Fuck, darlin’... can’t tell you how this looks… feels… gonna be thinkin’ about this every fuckin’ night when I’m gone,” he pants, a sense of relief washing over him when he hears the tone of your whines and recognizes that you’re about to finish as well. “So good… so fucking good, baby.” 

You speed up, grabbing your tits, grinding down, chasing your orgasm, undecided whether focusing on the stimulation in your ass or your pussy is going to get you there fastest. Your body makes that call for you, deciding that Cal’s soft groans of encouragement are more than enough reason for you to cum. Your legs shake and you cry his name as your walls pulse around him, your third orgasm of the afternoon hitting you harder than you expected. 

Calum thrusts gently up into you, happy to give you recovery time if you need it but also more than ready to follow you over the edge. You feel his hips start to stutter and you know you only have a limited amount of time to direct him. You quickly jut your backside out as much as you can and look behind you to tell him, “Cum on my ass, Cal… give us both something to think about while you’re gone.”

Another strained “Fuck” and a groan of your name are all he has time to respond with because your request has him immediately pulling out and pressing his cock to your cheeks without a second to spare. He struggles to keep his eyes open to take in the sight of his cum spilling onto your ass but as you moan at the feeling of his warmth coating your skin, he has to screw his eyes shut and vocalize with you. He gives himself a squeeze, milking out the last few drops before letting out an exhausted sigh and falling back against the chair.

He reaches over to the table, blindly searching for the napkins from lunch, finally finding them and quickly cleaning your messy skin. He squeezes your ass, massaging it more as he leans forward and presses kisses along your spine before wrapping his arms around your ribs so he can pull you back against him. He presses his face against your neck, still trying to catch his breath. 

“You OK, bubba?” You chuckle, squeezing your arms on his. 

“You’re too good to me,” he murmurs against your neck, inhaling deeply and pressing a few soft kisses to the back of your neck and shoulders.

“I just give what I get, love.” 

The two of you sit quietly, naked and relaxing against each other, basking in the sun and the bond you’re feeling. You can tell your boyfriend is starting to doze off and you know if he goes, you’ll end up nodding off as well. “Let’s go back to bed, bubba,” you suggest. “That soft blanket and mellow weed are calling our names.”

You whine as you stand and stretch, hurting in all the best ways. Calum watches your every move and if you couldn’t feel his eyes on you, when you turn to look at him, the loved up grin on his face gives him away. You grab the pipe while he swipes up the discarded clothes and you wrap your arms around his middle as you walk back inside. 

Back in the bedroom, you settle in against the headboard once more. You lean your head on Cal’s shoulder as he lights the pipe, smoke billowing around you. His suitcase is still by the door, staring you down, but it doesn’t seem quite as confrontational as it did a few hours ago. 

"I'm gonna miss you," you say plainly. You peck his shoulder as you take the pipe from him. "I think I can be OK with that, though."

"Oh yeah?" He squeezes your thigh, lighting the bowl for you. He jokes, "What changed your mind, all the sex or all the drugs?"

You giggle, elbowing him as you blow your smoke out. "I just think days like today will make all the ones we have to spend apart a little bit easier… gives us something to remember, something to look forward to."

"That's true, that's a good point," Calum agrees, setting the pipe on the table and pulling you into an embrace. "Wouldn't be special if these days happened all the time."

"Yeah…" You agree wistfully. "Still gonna have one of these days when I come visit you though, right?"

Cal nods emphatically. "Baby, you're flying in on a day off and I'll tell you something right now, very first thing, the panties are coming off and not going back on for at least that entire day," he declares with a naughty grin.

You relax against him, missing him already but taking comfort in making plans and sharing jokes. "See, bubba, you're learning," you tease. "What would be the point?"

[stationery-store]

it's early into the night, your bedroom filled with nothing but the faint sounds of trees rustling just outside your window and suna's silent breathing.

it was unlike of the both of you to spend such an early night in, having been dubbed as the resident night owls of your apartment building,

but these last few days have just been different; exhausting to say the least. and you both knew the only way to solve this is to just lay in silence until one eventually falls asleep followed shortly by the other.

"this is dumb, my body knows my sleep schedule." suna whisper-mumbles from behind you, breath lightly gliding against your neck.

"try harder rin, your body also knows how tired you are," your hand tightens around suna's forearms wrapped around your waist, thumbs drawing soothing circles on his skin.

a couple more minutes of pretend sleep passes and suna lets out an exasperated grunt. unbeknownst to your fully aware consciousness, he pulls away with caution, standing up to put on his slippers.

"where are you going?" you voice comes out rather stern, body unmoving from your position.

he sighs like he planned the smartest escape plan and just got caught, body helplessly falling back on the bed with a silent whine coming out of his lips, "i really, really can't sleep. i feel like i need to do something."

you turn to face him, hand coming up to caress the apples of his cheeks. you stay like this for a couple more minutes; your body rested on his, one hand playing with his locks in an attempt to lull him into slumber with the other loosely wrapped around his torso.

"ok i love you, i really do. i just-"

"can't sleep? yeah, i know rin. i heard."

with a tired smile, you're the one who sits up this time, the hand on his head coming down to support your weight on the bed, "wanna watch a movie?"

he lets out an apologetic grin, nodding to your offer as he places a light peck on your cheek.

"god, you're so.. loserly," he sneers at your snarky comment, pulling you out of the bed and into a walking position.

the clock ticks twelve forty-one am and you find yourself half awake inside the kitchen making slow, sleepy motions as you prepared the microwave popcorn.

suna's outside in the living room, looking for something for the both of you to watch.

or so you thought.

your vision is blurry walking into the living room from the kitchen, just making out the shapes from your home layout and vaguely seeing suna's slumped figure over the couch as the tv – the only light source in your apartment right now – plays a movie.

placing the bowl down on your coffee table, your gaze lands on his face; eyes only half closed and mouth hanging slightly open.

a giggle escapes the back of your throat, phone coming out of your pocket to take a quick snap of his truly delightful and of-high-taste sleeping position.

your hand comes to lightly shake on his arm followed by whispers of 'rin wake up, let's sleep on the bed, yeah?' until he eventually does open his heavy eyes looking back at you.

"mm.." he replies mindlessly, heavy arms wrapping around your mid-section, pulling you down on top of him on the sofa.

"rin, wake up. come on, our bodies are gonna hurt like hell tomorrow if we sleep here. wake up, please?" your voice comes out like a whisper, still trying your hardest not to wake him up too much.

"just sleep here.." his voice is low and sleepy, the grasp on your waist tightening as his head nuzzles impossibly deeper into the crook of your neck.

surrendering into his hold, your body relaxes and you let your head rest low on the cushions, feeling the sides of suna's lips slightly curl into a satisfied smile, "goodnight, rin."

"goodnight, love ya."

© stationery-store (2021). reblogs are appreciated ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Desperate Measures 1

Warnings: nonconsent and rape (miniseries); stalking, fear, intimidation.

This is dark!Steve Rogers and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: At first, you think it’s a joke when you get the strange messages, but when they don’t stop, you realise too late how real it all is.

Note: This was going to be a one shot but it kept going and going and going, so it’s gonna be split in 2.

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Have a piece of American dream Open up, and swallow, on your knees And say Thank you I'd like some desperate measures, please

💌

The first picture was sent on Monday. You remembered it clearly unlike most Monday mornings. It was the same boring ritual; a coffee that had long turned cold, a pen that wouldn’t write, and a computer that ran as if on dial-up. 

The only bright side was that your small desk was near a window and you could look out onto the city streets, though they were hardly less miserable than your own existence. You were so high up the people were merely moving specks. You often found yourself distracted by the crowded traffic below.

You were drawn from such a distant reverie by the buzz of your phone. You kept it face down by your monitor. Despite the temptation, you limited yourself to succumbing only once an hour. You sat back and your chair creaked as it tilted beneath you. You checked the time in the corner of your screen and reached for your cell, the rubber case scuffed and scratched at the edges.

Notifications for the same emails that sat open in front of you and a few personal ones in the next bubble. Another for the game you played on the subway or when you were overly listless, several updates for your hoarded apps, and a single text. 

There was no number attached to the message, only the foreboding thick font that read ‘unknown number’. You chewed on your thumb as you leaned forward on your elbow and swiped your screen up and punched in your password. The screen flashed and you hit the last notification. No words, just a file. You hit download.

You blinked as it ate your data and the image of your apartment door appeared. You glanced around and laughed to yourself. You shook your head and keyed in your response; ‘very funny, Eva.’ You hit send and set your phone back down. 

Your old friend liked her jokes and you hadn’t missed her little ploy the last time she showed up at your place angry over her latest fling. You had thought she was getting a picture of the stain on the hallway carpet that looked suspiciously like blood… or feces… or a mixture of the two.

You went back to your work and switched the document you’d been picking at for most of the morning. Your job was as entertaining as watching paint dry then peel from age. When you applied for an editing position, you’d expected thrillers and melodramas. Instead, you got dry textbooks and educational guides.

You yawned and pushed through to your scheduled break. You dumped your cold coffee and headed down to the café to grab another. The coffee they kept in the office was cheap and bland. You ate your salad in the lunchroom as you watched the clock tick away. You checked your phone. No reply to that unusual text. Eva must’ve chickened out.

You scoffed and switched chats to send her usual number an ‘lol’. You tucked your phone in your pocket and punched back in before you headed back to your desk. A couple more hours and you’d be home to stew in the early week daze.

The last half of the day went quicker and your subway ride was uneventful; well, for New York. You walked home from your stop and pulled out your phone as you climbed the stairs. You slowed down and moved your feet blindly. You’d finally gotten an answer. ‘Eva?’

You opened the chat again and hit the image. It filled the screen and you squinted as you came to a stop. The stain wasn’t there. Your landlord had finally relented and had the entire hallway torn up and replaced with an even duller shade of grey. The picture had been taken since then; within the last month. The last time you’d seen Eva, you’d gone to hers.

Your chest clenched and you gulped. You hit the little icon in the corner of the conversation and hit ‘block’. You continued to your floor and neared your door. You looked down the hallway and back to your door. You tried the handle. Locked. You took a breath.

It could still be a joke. The stoner next door, Perry, had your number from when you agreed to feed his cat that one time. Maybe he was high or just trying to be funny. Still, it hadn’t come up under his name. Well, he might have changed his number since then.

You unlocked your door and scurried inside. You made sure to turn the latch and slide the chain into place. You tossed your bag beside the mat of shoes and added your flats to the pile. You dropped your phone on the coffee table and untucked your work shirt as you walked around the small living room. 

Nothing was out of place, not that you truly believed whoever it was had gotten past your door. You rubbed your forehead and went to the small kitchen that looked out into the living room. You grabbed a can of sparkling lime whatever and plopped it next to your phone.

You went to your bedroom and stripped yourself of your stiff work clothes and pulled on the night shirt crumpled atop your blanket. You looked down at the thin grey cotton and reached under to unhook your bra. You flung it in the corner knowing you’d be cursing yourself when you couldn’t find it the next morning.

You flopped onto the couch and grabbed your remote. You turned on some mindless Youtube video and opened the mobile game which had taken too much of your life from you. You connected three and four and five and somewhere in between your existentialism kicked in and had you wondering at the point of it.

You closed the app before it ate all of your battery and your phone shook in your hand. 

‘You didn’t tell me who Eva is.’ The message flashed over the top of the screen then disappeared. You pulled down the notification and hit it. You were certain you’d blocked the number. The other messages were gone though and ‘unknown number’ was still emblazoned across the top. You blocked the convo again and dimmed the screen. 

You plugged in your phone and sprawled out across the sofa. You stared at the television, a blur and a buzz to your frantic mind. 

It was dark already when you dragged yourself off the couch and heated up a microwave dinner. You ate it without tasting and your phone chimed to signal a full charge. You left it as it was on the arm of the couch and resumed your repose on the sofa. You fell asleep to the angered commentary of a gamer trying to fight a clam.

You awoke with a start. You blinked through your daze as your television showed stills of mountain and grassy fields. You sat up and grabbed your phone. You checked the time; midnight. Another message.

‘She’s the one you had coffee with last week.’ It said.

You gaped and dropped your phone. You looked around as if whoever it was would be hiding in the corner. You shook as you reached down and took the phone. You swallowed and began to type.

‘Whoever this is, this isn’t funny anymore. Cut it out.’

‘Funny?’ The response came quickly.

‘I mean it. Stop.’

‘Good night, sweetheart.’

You recoiled at the message and bit your lip to keep it from trembling. You checked your door again, the chain still in place, checked every inch of your apartment in your paranoia. Nothing. You let out a breath and took a blanket from your bed and huddled up on the couch. You turned on a playlist, not sure you’d be sleeping much that night.

💌

You weren’t sure when you fell asleep again but you rose before your alarm. You drank your coffee as the sky turned a duller shade of grey. You went through your usual morning dance and headed out the door with a bagel hanging from your mouth. You chowed down on your way to the subway. You felt your bag buzz as you stepped on the train.

You ignored it and clung to the bar as you counted the stops. You got off and stopped by the coffee shop. You ordered a black tea and headed down to your building. Your desk was as it was when you left it. The chair was tucked in and your mouse was hidden behind the keyboard. You sat and booted the laggy machine.

As you waited for it to start, you stirred around in your bag for your phone. You had another message. You dreaded opening it but the circle just kept spinning in the middle of the monitor. You hit the bubble and your phone unlocked.

You took a sharp breath as the image glared back at you. It was you, on the subway, that morning judging by the jacket, staring at the door as the photo was taken unknowingly. Your phone slipped from your grasp and you spun in your chair.

Everything was as it should be. Your co-workers looked just as dead inside as you. Your boss was boxed up in his office on a ‘conference call’. You shuddered and turned back to your desk. You burned your tongue on your tea and signed into your computer. Your phone vibrated beside your shoe and you bent to retrieve it.

‘You looked tired this morning’. The next message blipped on the screen.

You were quick to sweep the clock upward and type. ‘Who the fuck is this?’

‘Sweetheart. I don’t like that kind of language.’ The response was quick and sharp, even in text.

‘Tell me who you are? Why are you doing this?’

‘One thing at a time.’ The letters burned into your vision.

‘Who are you?’ You keyed in again. No answer. 

You set the phone down and watched it. Five minutes, no buzz. You hovered your hand over your mouse and tried to focus on your monitor. Your heart was so loud in your ears, your head began to pound.

💌

When you got on the subway at the end of the day, you looked around frantically as you settled into a seat, your bag hugged to your chest. You glanced up and down the car a dozen times over as you awaited your cue. Your toe tapped anxiously and you stood so fast you were dizzy when your stop came up.

You rushed down the sidewalk, peeking over your shoulder every other step. You didn’t say anything unusual; no one following you, no one watching. You ran up to your building and unlocked the door clumsily. 

You hurried up the stairs and down the hall to your apartment. The key slid in roughly and you turned it so quick, you were certain it would bend. You skirted inside and put the chain in place.

You looked down as your thin-soled boot brushed over something. A pile of flyers slipped through the slot in your absence. You picked them up and sorted through them, an envelope amidst the mess. On its face, it read ‘for my sweetheart’.

You hovered by the door, staring at the envelope. After a moment, you slung your bag down on the floor and placed the flyers on the end table by the lamp. You clicked on the light and ran your thumb along the lip. You carefully opened it and pulled out the paper inside. You unfolded it and your breath caught in your chest.

It was a sketch, quite well done, of you. You’d worn that sweater last week. You went to the park and walked around, sat by the fountain, tossed rocks into the babbling basin. They had been there, whoever it was. How long had they been watching?

And they had been at your door, close enough to slip this through the slot. You folded the drawing and shoved it back in the envelope. You stomped into the kitchen and tossed it into the bin beneath the counter. You backed up and gripped the other counter behind you. You felt a lump in your throat. 

What the fuck was going on?

💌

You started going in early to work; catching the train half an hour before your usual one. You left late and changed your route between the station and your building. You entered through the back, hopping the low concrete barrier between the apartments and the backlot.

Still, it only gave you a single day of peace. No messages, no pictures; and you thought the game was over. You hoped it was. That it was just a sick joke that had finally grown tiring. 

But Thursday saw another image of you just outside your work building. Friday, another of you on the subway.

The weekend was listless. You did your shopping quickly and on Sunday, you wore a loose hoodie to the laundromat. You could find nothing peculiar around you. The city was full of sketchy people but none seemed to be watching you. The hordes were still about their own lives; ignorant of those around them. You felt entirely alone, as if you were being hunted.

Monday was much the same as the last but how could it ever be dull again. You shut your phone off so you could focus on your work. When you were finally done, you dialed the toll-free number for your provider. You took a taxi home and spent two hours on the line but you got your new number and a sense of relief.

You kept your phone on, ringer on max, and nothing. You watched the screen rather than the television but it only lit up with emails and a random text from your mother. You slept in your bed that night,almost soundly.

You still kept your eye over your shoulder. Still searched out any sign of unusual interest. Perhaps you were clueless or maybe your lack of response had finally gotten through to them. Once their messages bounced back as out of service, they might have given up. They got their laughs, now you wanted peace.

It lasted until Friday. 

A full week and you were certain it was over. You finished work and stopped by the liquor store for a bottle of wine on your way home. You could finally let loose. Life had gone back to its usual tedium. You browsed the reds lazily but pondered a pack of coolers instead. Your phone buzzed. You slid it from your pocket out of habit.

‘That cabernet on the top shelf is on sale. Just to your left.’ You stared at the message and backed away from the shelf. You looked around but all the other customers seemed intent on their own purchases. You gulped and blocked the unknown sender.

You left emptied-handed and ran for the train. You got home an hour later than usual. You raced up the stairs and stopped dead in front of your door. The tall gift bag looked familiar; it had been hanging in the store by the till. You neared and peered inside. The golden cap of the wine that had stood in front of you; top shelf.

You bent and flipped the little card attached to the string.

‘For you, sweetheart. Enjoy your weekend.’

You stood and grabbed the bag. You glanced up and down the halls and stormed back down the grey carpet. Your feet hammered down the stairs and you burst through the back doors. You threw the bag into the dumpster and heard the shatter. Your lip trembled as you spun and sprinted back inside.

When you reached your apartment, you called Eva. You struggled to open your dresser with one hand and started pulling out clothes and stuffing them into your neon duffle. She finally picked up.

“E-eva,” you stuttered, “can I-- Can I stay with you, please? J-just a night or two--”

“Wohoa, whoa, slow down,” she said. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t… I can’t tell you now. I’m just-- I’m freaking out and I can’t stay here.” Your voice cracked and you sniffed back tears, “I-- Please. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I… I have plans but I can cancel,” she offered.

“No, no, I… don’t--”

“You’ll have the apartment to yourself,” she said, “I’ll just let Ray know I’ll be late.”

“What time are you supposed to--”

“Seven but it’s fine,” she assured you. “You okay?”

“I… Wait, you’re fucking around with Ray again?”

“Do you want the couch or not?” She half-kidded, “you want me to meet you there or--”

“No, no,” you whisked into your washroom and grabbed your toothbrush, “I’m coming right now.” You returned to the bedroom and shoved an armful in the bag. “Eva… thank you.”

“Stay on the phone,” she said softly. “Please… you’re scaring me.”

“Okay,” you zipped up the duffle, “yeah, I’ll stay on.”

💌

You hung up as you came up to Eva’s building. She met you at the door, a thick silence between you as you sensed what she wanted to ask you. You weren’t sure how to tell you. You weren’t sure if you could.

You pushed the door closed behind you as you entered her apartment. It was cuter than yours, a spiral staircase led to a loft above and the curtains were lace and matched the dainty pillows on the couch. You placed your bag on the floor and she turned to you.

“Just give me a moment,” you said. She didn’t need to ask.

She went to the desk in the corner of the spacious room and turned on the ring light of the round mirror. She fished through her make-up box and pulled out her eyeliner. She was already done her base and highlight. You neared and hovered just beside her desk.

“I don’t even know…” you stopped yourself and went to your bag. You pulled out the paper you’d shoved in the side pocket on your way out. “Look.”

You crossed to her again and unfolded the sketch on her desk. She glanced down from drawing a wing along her eye and lowered the pencil. She blinked and shrugged.

“Look, someone dropped this through my mail slot. No address on the envelope, just this.” You felt crazy. “And I thought it was all some joke. They were sending me pictures, of me, of my building… I blocked them but they just kept on. I even changed my number.”

She scrunched her lips and looked back to her mirror. She finished her other eye and set the pencil down.

“You call the police?” She asked calmly.

“I… the drawing is all I have. I just deleted the messages when they came because… well, I didn’t think much of it at first. Not until… There was a bottle of wine waiting for me when I came home. The very same I was looking at right before I booked it for my train,” you rubbed your cheek, “Eva, I’m not crazy. I swear.”

“I believe you,” she said, “why wouldn’t I but… there’s nothing you can do but keep a log of what happens from here on out. Screencap everything.”

“You think… you think the police would help if I did?” You asked.

“Not much. Stalking isn’t really something they take seriously. I knew this girl in college-- Well, the evidence can at least get you a restraining order… if you ever figure out who’s sending you all this,” she paused and glanced down at the drawing. “Whoever it is, they got talent.”

“I’m sure they’d be happy to hear that,” you scoffed and crossed your arms.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay here with you?”

You pondered her offer but shook your head.

“As much as I think you should send Ray along, no. I can’t ask any more of you.” You sighed and grabbed the sketch. You dragged your feet to the couch and flopped down on the cushions, “I really do appreciate it.”

“I always told you to get out of that neighbourhood,” she said as she searched her assortment of make-up, “but you know I never mind you hanging out.”

💌

You spent the night on Eva’s couch, alone. She didn’t get home until three in the morning and you waited until noon for her to wake up. When she did, her face was smeared with eyeliner and her hair a mess. 

You hadn’t touched your phone since the night before. You chewed your thumb as you waited for her to emerge from the shower, restless and unsure what to do with yourself. She slammed the lid down on her coffee machine and growled as she turned and crossed her arms.

“Are you okay?” she asked sharply.

“I’m sorry,” you said as you stopped pacing. You barely remembered getting up to walk circles around the coffee table, “I just don’t know what to do.”

“Well, how about a latte?” she yawned behind her hand, “my coffee machine is fucked… again.”

“Um, maybe that’s best, get out and… distract myself,” you twiddled your fingers as your stomach ached. You hadn’t eaten anything since the day before and that was just after noon.

“We’ll get lunch,” she rubbed her forehead, “soak up the wine.”

You shook your head and said nothing. She always drank too much around Ray but you didn’t have the energy for that argument again. So you stayed quiet and watched her disappear into her bedroom.

She emerged as you zipped up your purse. You didn’t bother with your phone as you waited by the door but felt listless without the device. It was like a shield you used when you went out in the world. It kept you from eye contact or awkward conversation.

You set off and headed down the street to the pub that seamlessly shifted from brunch to ladies’ night every Saturday. You ordered breakfast tacos as you sat just inside the large floor length windows that looked out onto the shady patio. The other guest lent a sense of normalcy as they carried on their own conversations and reminded you that you were just another ant on the hill.

As you got your latte in the stemmed glass, Eva pulled out her phone and scowled at the shaking. She was so wrapped up in her texts with Ray she hadn’t even mentioned the reason for your overnighter. You were happy for it and yet, you couldn’t think of anything else.

“Jesus, I told him we were having breakfast and he’s blowing up my phone,” she huffed, “just a second.”

“Eve,” you said as she stood and slid her thumb across the screen, “our foods gonna be here--”

“I won’t be long,” she promised and lifted the speaker to her ear and turned away, “Ray, I’ll be over later, promise. I barely slept--”

Her voice trailed away as she wove between tables and pushed out onto the patio and went to the short fence to chat beyond the ears of diners. You sipped from your drink and stared down at the splintered curve of the table. You couldn’t stay with Eva forever and she was hardly any comfort in her distraction with her on-again, off-again dirt bag. Maybe, if you moved--

“There you are, sweetheart,” the low voice startled you and you sat stalk straight as a figure smoothly slid into Eva’s empty chair, “you gave me quite a scare, up and leaving without a word…”

You stared wide-eyed at the stranger across from you. Well, you knew who he was. Everyone in the city, in the country, even the world, knew Steve Rogers. He smiled at you as his blue eyes glimmered. His posture was cool and confident and it was you who felt out of place.

And you knew, it was him. The shock was not enough to fuel your denial as that feeling deep down assured you of it. That little voice that told you this was your tormentor and that you were fucked.

“I…” you breathed and blinked. You couldn’t find the words, you hardly understood the storm of emotions flowing through you. You glanced through the window as Eva threw her hand up and continued berating her phone, “it’s you?”

“I hate that it has to be this way,” he said, “you know, my work keeps me out of town so much and I just wish we had more time.”

“Wha…” you gulped and gripped the edge of the table, “why--?”

“You haven’t been answering me,” his smile fell, “I don’t like being ignored.”

Your hand shook and you kept it in your lap to hide the rising terror along your spine. You sat paralysed as he sighed and glanced around the restaurant. He tilted his head and pushed his shoulders back.

“You threw out my gift,” he said evenly, “that wasn’t very nice.”

“Go…” you uttered, “go, please--”

“Sweetheart, we’re just talking,” he took a gulp of Eva’s Americano casually, “I missed you… I miss you every day and it hurts that we have to be apart.”

Your shoulders slumped and you clutched your hands in fists on your lap. You could scream but what good would that do. He was Captain America, the first avenger, a hero. 

As if your thoughts sent a banner waving, a young kid approached the table and smiled nervously as he held one of the colouring pages supplied by the restaurant in his hands.

“Um, Captain, uh, America,” the kid stuttered, “will you sign-- Will you sign my--?”

The kid smiled through tight lips and held up the colouring page. Instead, Steve chuckled and took his cap from his head and fished around in his pocket. He pulled out a sharpie and signed the brim and placed it back on the kid’s head.

“There you go,” he said.

“Thank you, Cap!” the kid almost squealed, “oh my gosh!”

“No problem,” Steve laughed and watched the kid run back to the table where his mother sat, she waved at the man across from you and mouthed a thanks. He cleared his throat and stood as he tucked away the marker, “sorry, this is why I didn’t wanna do this in public,” he gripped his hip with one hand, “but… we’ll have our time.” He slowly backed away, “I’ll text you. You’ll answer.”

He grinned one last time and strode away. He stopped before the door as he held it open for Eva and she batted her lashes at him as she gushed. You could guess at her star struck words but couldn’t make them out. He left as she finally stopped her babbling and she almost skipped over to you.

“Oh my god, did you see him?” she trilled, “I didn’t think he’d be even better looking in-person.”

“See who?” you asked dumbly as you tried to disguise your discomfort in your latte.

“Steve Rogers,” she announced, “ugh, even without your phone, you got your head in the ground.”

[gotnofucks]

Bartered

Pairing: dark!Steve x Reader

Summary: You were his, despite wearing another man’s ring on your hand.

Words: 1k

Warning: Non-Con/Dub-com, smut, infidelity (but consensual?), 18+ ONLY

A/N: Had this done for so long. Was lazy about editing.

The doorbell rang and your heart sank. You sat quietly and waited while your husband Nishit went to open the door. Footsteps marched towards where you were, mentally unprepared. He wasn’t supposed to come on a Thursday. That was the rule. But as you looked into his blue eyes, you knew it didn’t matter. He made the rules, so he could break them too at his convenience.

“I – uh, I’ll be back in a couple hours.” Nishit said, nervously shifting on his feet, not meeting your eyes. Not for the first time did resentment well up in your heart for the spineless man you married.

“Morning. You’re not coming back before tomorrow morning. Leave.” Steve ordered and Nishit shot you one last cowardly look before leaving and shutting the door after him. Steve offered you a hand and you automatically took it, letting him lead you to your bedroom like so many times before. Usually, you were pre-warned he’d be here, so his sudden appearance made you jittery.

You watched Steve take off his t-shirt in a practiced move, his scar littered, ripped upper body closing in on you. You made no protests as he stripped you of your shirt and pants, being kind enough to not rip them off today. Once you were bare, he let his eyes take in every inch of you, hands soon following, mapping the body that was his to claim.

“Take me out.” He commanded against your lips, hot mouth trailing nips and kisses all over your face and neck. You quickly let his pants and boxers drop, taking his hard member in your hands and pumping it slowly, just the way he liked. He led you back slowly, lowering you on the bed and carefully hovering over you.

It was his little ritual, letting his tongue bath your body, travelling from your lips to the collar bones before finding your nipples and sucking gently. He said it was a way of reminding your body that it was his, that he was home, back to you. Your moan when he dipped inside your glistening folds made him smile, and he took your hand, placing it on his head as he went down on you.

He’d grown a slight stubble that left a delicious burn on the inside of your thighs as you writhed under his ministrations, aching your back a little as his tongue looped around your nub and sucked. You tugged on his hair, his answering groan sending vibrations up your body and making you gasp. It was so easy for him to control your body, play it like an instrument that you were almost embarrassed by how soon you came.

Steve crawled up, kissing you to share your taste as he covered his cock in your dripping slick, biting at your lips.

“Couldn’t stay away today. Couldn’t stay away any longer.” He murmured as he slowly pushed in, the initial stretch still making you cry out. The familiar length of his cock enveloped in your heat made your eyes roll, and you bunched the sheets in your hands.

Steve had fucked you every way possible. He’d taken you hard and fast against the wall, fucking you on the floor like a bitch, taken you in the shower with steam swirling around you. Today, he took you like a lover. He gently thrust inside, looking deep into your eyes as he made love to you. You’d never hated him more before.

“Can he make you feel this way? Can he make you cry out under him like I can?” He asked softly, trailing sloppy kisses down your jaw. Your husband hadn’t touched you since Captain America put a claim on you, he hadn’t touched you since he bartered your body to his Captain for a position in his team.

You wish Steve would be like other men, take his pleasure and leave. But he didn’t just want you, he also wanted to break you. He took you apart with his hands and mouth, with his words and talks, by dragging every delicious inch of his cock completely out before plunging in hard again. You couldn’t be unresponsive, no matter how you tried. He owned everything, from your body to every breath that came out of your panting mouth.

“Can’t bear the thought of you wearing his ring and taking his name.” Steve said, lacing your hands together and pinning them beside your head, going faster now. There was anger in the lines on his face, longing evident in his eyes. Though it was him who made you his every few nights, this was still your marital bed with another man. Though you belonged to him, he was still the other man in your life.

You were gasping, crying out at the feel and heat of him, softly calling out his name as he took you to a height you hated to love. Your sweat slickened body was slipping under his, slapping noises echoing in the room as your juices squelched with every movement of his body. He kept you close, losing him as deep in your eyes as in the pleasure of your body, seeping in just as deep in your mind as in the warm cavern between your thighs. You were all he wanted, all he could see.

With a choked cry, you reached your peak, light shining behind the lids of your eyes as pleasure coursed through your spine. You went limp, looking at Steve with watery eyes as he finally finished inside you after a while. His gaze followed the cum dripping out of your battered hole and long fingers scooped it up, spreading it on your thighs and massaging it inside your skin.

“Gonna get rid of your worthless husband” Steve promised, holding you close. “Gonna make you mine officially, take you home where you’ll wait for me every night. No more schedule, no more rules.”

The ring on your left hand felt almost as heavy as your heart. Hatred for both men in your life was burning in your veins as you lay safely cocooned in Steve’s large arms, your body having become nothing more than a battle and a trading ground.

Tags in reblog 

[evermoreparker]

Lost In Translation- Part Two

Synopsis: Peter and you were inseparable since you were kids, until you started hating each other right before you two went to college, but now Peter needs your help to win a bet.

prologue part 1

A/n: Hey! Please reblog, and if you want to, let me know your thoughts in the comments!! :)💖

Current day

‘’Umm let me think- nope. Now could you please leave?’’ You start making your way towards your bed again.

‘’A 1000 for each.’’ Yea, that made you turn around.

‘’Are fucking kidding me? Are you gonna make me sell drugs or some shit?’’

‘’No it’s not that bad! We just need to fake date for a while because they bet that I couldn’t hook up with you.’’

‘’Hah and they are right. But who are they?’’ Ouch. Peter tries to ignore your smart remark.

‘’The frat guys. So are you in or not?’’

‘’Ew rich people are dumb. But what do we have to do?’’ Aw. You both hate dumb rich people.

‘’Yea they are. We just need to act like a couple, just holding hands and some kis-’’ You interrupt Peter before he could finish his sentence.

‘’Nope. No kisses, just put your hand between my thighs when we are sitting together and that’ll show the intimacy we need to prove that we are a couple.’’ Ok, yea that could work as well, but deep inside Peter still wonders what do your lips feel like.

‘’Alright, we can do that. We also need to go on a few dates so that people start seeing me and you together.’’

‘’Ok, but you are paying for it. So when are you gonna make a move?’’

‘’W-what?’’ Hold on, you wanted Peter to make a move on you?

‘’For the fake dating thing?’’ Oh. For that.

‘’Oh right, there’s a party tomorrow, we could go on a date today and then show up together at the frat.’’

‘’Do we have to be together at the party?’’ Shit you really hate him.

‘’Well, yea. If you wanna sell the idea that we are together.’’

‘’Ok, now can you please leave? I have some sleeping to do.’’

‘’Yea, yea, sure. Just- can you give me your number? You know, to schedule the fake dating thing.’’ Peter sounds so nervous, and he is, god how do you talk to someone you haven’t spoken in months?

‘’Yea I’ll text you, still the same number?’’ Hold on, you didn’t delete his number? That’s a good sign, right? He still knows yours by heart, god he sounds like a dick by asking that.

‘’Yea it is. Have a good saturday!!’’ Now what the fuck did he say? God, you must think he’s so weird. Peter leaves your room, cursing himself all the way to his dorm.

‘’Um… you too.’’ You close the door, throwing yourself on the bed, trying to rationalize what the fuck have you agreed to do.

A few hours later…

Peter has been trying to reach out for you since you texted him a simple ‘’hey’’, but he had forgotten how much of a deep sleeper you really were. Knowing how much you hate when people call you in the morning, he decided to call in the afternoon.

You wake up with an annoying ass ringtone that your friends had obligated you to use, since you never answered their calls.

‘’Fuck me, where’s that fucking phone oh my god!!!’’ You fumble with your blanket, until your phone falls on the ground and you see who’s calling, picking up your phone to turn it off until you remember the 1000 bucks, so you answer Peter.

‘’What?’’ Peter hates himself for loving your morning voice so much, well, afternoon voice.

‘’Hey, um do you wanna go to that new restaurant that just opened? I can come by your place by 7 if you want to…’’

‘’Sure, you’re paying for it so, I can’t refuse free drinks.’’ Yep, you didn’t like him.

‘’Alright, so I’ll be there at 7. Bye.’’

‘’Bye.’’

During that night…

‘’May, please just tell me which shirt I should wear?’’ Peter combs his hair with his fingers, while desperately trying to find his missing pair of sneakers.

‘’I need to know why you are so nervous first. Is it a girl? A boy?’’

‘’It’s a girl ok? Now please help me.’’

‘’I like the black one, but what girl? Do I know her?’’

‘’Bye May, thanks for your help.’’ Peter hangs up on his very curious aunt just in time for him to finish getting ready, and swinging to your place.

Peter stops before he knocks at your door, using his phone reflex to fix his hair and check his teeth, but you open the door right when he’s doing all that.

‘’... Are you ok?’’ Peter’s eyes widened seeing you, because he was caught by surprise at the most embarrassing moment ever, but also because, holy shit, you look so good.

‘’Yea yea yea. You?’’

‘’Yea, just come inside while I try to find my purse. Swear I put that thing on the table, but my roommate takes everything.’’ Your best friend overhears your conversation with Peter down the hallway, and goes to check who you are going out with. When she bursts your door open, that’s definitely the last person she imagined you’d be with.

‘’You dirty whore, that’s why you told me to go grocery shopp-’’ Before she could finish her sentence, she finally looks up to the brown eyed guy her friend hated. ‘’PETER? NO WAY.’’

‘’Um… Hi?’’ Peter looks like a scared puppy sitting on your bed.

‘’Relax, it’s not what you think.’’ You try to comfort your very confused friend.

‘’So you two are not fucking?’’ Well, no, but Peter wanted that to happen, but he’d never admit that, he hated you. Right?

‘’Ew no, now we have to go. Bye, wait up.’’ You close the door, with your purse now in your hands and with the guy you have been hating on for years in the other.

At the restaurant

‘’Ok, but there’s no way they are gonna believe we’re dating if you keep looking around. Do I make you nervous, Parker?’’ Peter almost chokes on his beer.

‘’Pfft please, you wish.’’ His voice cracks a bit, instantly making him regret opening his mouth. ‘’I’m just trying to find the guys here, they said they’d come by.’’

‘’Keep your pants on, your crushes didn’t arrive yet.’’

‘’Haha, very funny. Also they have one more guy betting on us, so it’s 1250 each now.’’

‘’Omg no way. They are so stupid wtf.’’

‘’Right?’’ Hold on, are you two actually talking with no insults towards each other? Yea, until a waiter showed up to get your orders.

‘’What can I get for you two?’’

‘’I want some fries and a beer,but he was wondering if you had the kid’s menu.’’ Peter looks at you as you whisper the last part, then at the waiter trying not to laugh at the face he made when you said that.

‘’No I don’t! I don’t look at it anymore!!’’

‘’Ok buddy, what can I get for you then?’’ Buddy?

‘’Well pal, I want some fries as well. And a beer!!’’

‘’I’m sorry, he’s kinda cranky since his recent changes in his body.’’ You mumble to the waiter, who laughs and goes to another table.

‘’You can’t spend a second without pissing me off, huh? Am I that irresistible?’’ Yea.

‘’Pfft, you wish.’’ Yea that’s gonna be a long night.

Just when Peter was gonna give you one more smart remark, your waiter is back with both of your fries, and handing you a paper with his number before walking away.

‘’Did he really just give you his number right in front of me? On our date?’’ Just as you were about to piss Peter a little bit off, his friends finally show up.

‘’Hey Parker. Who’s that?’’ Damn, that’s bad acting.

Taglist 💜: @kidney9-9 @selfcarecap @hollandlover19 @potayaa @wildxwidow @namoreno

[haikyuuthots]

Hey Lina, first of all, I love reading your writing it’s so good ‼️ Second , can I put a request with Kuroo? Where he’s taking care of the reader, like maybe the reader is sick or something. Thank you! 🥰

Taking care of you. - Kuroo Tetsuro

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: none

Pairing: T. Kuroo x Reader

A/n: hello familyyyyy missed you all very much, sorry I haven’t posted in months, been very busy; had this in the drafts and decided to finish it for u. Thank u sm for all the love, & for keeping this blog alive by liking/reblogging while I’ve been gone. Means so much ; happy reading! 💕

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The sound of your alarm hurt your head more than usual today. As you were trying your best to wake up, you couldn’t help but feel an annoying discomfort in your throat. Your head was pounding and you felt your body heat abnormally hotter than usual. You let out a small sigh; you were sick, you absolutely hated being sick.

Grabbing your phone from your nightstand you look at the time; 9 am, 1 hour before you were scheduled to go to work. You had absolutely no energy to even get up from your bed, so there was no doubt in your mind you were going to call off today.

Trying your best to get up the bed with this massive headache, you dial your workplace to let them know you wouldn’t be going in today. As soon as you’re done with the call, your phone dings, it was a message from your boyfriend.

“Morning princess, you off to work yet??? I’ll have extra time during lunch today, let’s have lunch together.”

You mentally groan. You did not want to tell Kuroo you were feeling bad, knowing him you knew he’d make a big deal out of everything and want to take you to the hospital or something.

Kuroo had an important presentation at work today, so you didn’t want him to shift his focus from that to you, you’d feel bad if he did, so you decide to not tell him you were feeling bad.

Grabbing your phone you make up an excuse and text him back.

“Hi baby, I actually promised y/f/n I’d have lunch with her today!! I haven’t seen her in a while so we’re gonna catch up :( but I’ll see you back at home!”

Sending the message you just hope he’d believe it without asking any questions. Yeah you felt a little bad for lying to him, but you didn’t want to worry him so this was the best thing to do.

Literally 1 minute after you sent the message you begin to receive a FaceTime call from your boyfriend. Quickly you begin to freak out, you were supposed to be ready for work right now, if you answered and kuroo saw you in bed with your pajamas on he’d know you were lying and ask why. Also your voice was too hoarse, it was evident you were sick.

So you decide no to pick up and let the phone ring. Seconds after the phone stopped ringing you received another text from your loving boyfriend.

“Princess, can you answer your phone?”

And then another text “y/n I know you’re not working yet you were responding earlier so can you please just pick up my call?”

And then another phone call, and another and another.

You were stressing out, you had no idea how to respond and the guilt started eating you alive, although you had the very best intentions you knew how upset you were probably making your boyfriend right now, which was the complete opposite of what you wanted to do. Finally after a couple minutes of ignoring his calls and messages you just thought it was best to come clean and tell him what was going on, after all you knew he wouldn’t be calm unless you did.

Again your phone rang and this time you accepted the FaceTime call, quickly you see an annoyed expression on Kuroos face, looking at you a bit confused, before he can even let out a word you speak

“I’m sorry I lied.” You blurt out, with a hoarse voice, hiding half of your face in your covers

“I’m actually not going to work today, I just feel a little sick but-“

“ You’re feelings sick?!” Kuroo cuts you off, looking back at you with a worried expression on his face

“Only a little.”

“I’m coming home right now.”

“No!” You shout out, “see this is why I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew you’d say that. You can’t come home you have that important presentation today.”

Kuroo lets out a small sigh “I know but you can’t stay home all by yourself when you’re feeling sick, I need to be there to take care of you.”

“Tetsu I’m okay I promise, don’t worry about me just focus on your job.” You give him a small smile, trying your best to reassure him everything was okay.

He’s pouting through the phone, “Tch. Fine, but please call me if you need anything.”

“I promise I will. I just need to rest, I’ll feel better soon.”

His eyes soften as he stares back at you “my poor baby, I’ll be home soon.”

You let out a small laugh “don’t worry too much about me, good luck on your presentation, I know you’ll kill it.”

He smiles back at your response, “thank you princess, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You said your final goodbyes and hung up the phone.

You decided to get up to look for any medicine around the house, anything that would make you feel better. Unfortunately you couldn’t find anything helpful, but still you got ready to take a shower, in hopes that it would help with your headache. When you got out you felt a little better, but still felt very exhausted. You laid down on your bed, still in discomfort and pain, you couldn’t help but cry a little “I hate being sick.” You cry to yourself as you doze off to sleep again.

You’re awoken by the sound of the door shutting. Groggily looking up you notice the figure of your tall boyfriend, waking in your bedroom with a bag full of stuff.

Your head was still pounding, and it didn’t seem like your fever went down, but still a bit irritated you speak

“Kuroo what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at work.”

Kuroo gives you a small smile as he walks towards you, reaching for your face he lays his hand on your forehead,

“You're burning up, I’m gonna go get you a cold towel.” He says, with a concerned face.

Before he can fully get up he’s stopped by you holding onto his wrist “no, you said you'd be at work, focusing on your job.”

He gives you another smile, leaning down to be at eye level with you, he holds your face into his hands, caressing your cheek a bit “I said I’d do well in my presentation and I did. But I came home as soon as it was over, I have to be here with you.”

Letting your face go he gets up again and starts walking away. Your heart melts at his words, you were in absolute love with him, his mere presence making you feel better already.

Kuroo comes back with a towel in his hands and the bag of stuff he was holding earlier, sitting down next to you on the bed he places the towel on your head and begins pulling out medicine from the bag

“You didn’t tell me what was wrong with you, so I kind of just got everything in the store.”

“That’s a lot of medicine.” You chuckle out

“I want you to feel better as soon as possible. So this is okay.” He replies with a smile on his face.

You give him another sincere smile, as you begin taking the medicine that corresponds to your symptoms

Kuroo briefly gets up, “get some rest princess, I’ll go make you something to eat in the meantime, okay?”

You gently nod as you look up towards him, reaching out to hold his hand you speak again “thank you Tetsu, I’m happy you’re here.”

He smiles down at you, squeezing your hand a bit he replies “I’ll always be here”

He leaves and almost an hour later he comes back with a bowl of soup in his hands. At this point m, you feel much better. Thanks to the medicine you took earlier, your head was no longer hurting and your fever went down.

Kuroo sits down next you, feeling your face again “your fever went down. That’s good.”

“Mhm” you nod, with a small smile on your face

“I made you some soup.”

As you try to grab the bowl from his hands kuroo slighlty nudges it away from your hold. You look at him confused, until he speaks again

“Don’t worry, I’ll feed you.”

You laugh briefly “I’m not a baby, I can still feed myself.” You try to grab the bowl again but again he snatches it away

“Let me take care of you please.” He chuckles out

Looking at him with loving eyes, you give in instantly. “Fine, only because you’ve been so sweet today.”

He smiles as he begins to feed you the soup. You couldn’t help but feel a bit flustered as he fed you. As you watch him with a giant smile on his face, you were overwhelmed with complete love, your heart felt like it was about to explode.

You loved him, loved him so much. Even if it was a bit cheesy, you were absolutely grateful at how attentive and caring he was.

Kuroo removed the plate as he finished feeding you, grabbing a hold of your head, he gives you a soft smile as he stares at you.

“Are you feeling better?”

You smile “I am now, I mean how could I not, i have the best caretaker in the world.”

He lets out a small chuckle “I just want you to be okay, I promise I’ll always be here to care for you.”

He leans down to give you a small kiss on your warm forehead. You smile in the embrace, but pull back a bit

“Be careful, I don’t want you to get sick.”

He laughs a bit again “alright. I’ll resist for now. But as soon as you get better I’m kissing you as much as I want.”

“Ok.” You respond, with a giant smile on your face.

The next morning you woke up feeling a lot better, Kuroo continued to care for you all night and made sure you were good in the morning. Leaving you food and more medicine on the nightstand, he wrote a little note “Take these and you’ll be good as new, I’ll be home soon, call me if you need anything.love u my angel.”

You smiled to yourself as you read the cheesy note. Even though you hated being sick, you were glad you could be taken care of in a way that warmed your heart. Kuroo was your soulmate, and you were completely blessed to have him care for you. He made being sick not so bad.