dreamerchildunofficial

[dreamerchildunofficial]

[Hey, so quick life update, turns out the job is a scam where I get paid to be scammed (the work is legit and technically what I signed up for when I saw the job listing and applied, and the pay is as advertised, but everything else is not as advertised, most concerningly inconsistent hours and long periods of time where I just Won't Be Working and am completely fucked over unless I get a second job and/or replace this job with a different job) So I will still not be able to come back yet, especially since while I have made some money, other areas of my life have just gotten worse, and I still need to get a job that I'm even capable of doing and holding down and doesn't make empty promises of hours and benefits and yadda yadda yadda, so. That sucks!

But I might qualify for unemployment here soon! So there's that!

I just have to make so many new phone calls now and put in more job applications and I am Going To Scream, but I will claw my way back here some point soon

I am. So fucking sorry about this 😔 I thought this was the answer I needed, and I could stop stressing enough to do fun things again, and it turns out it wasn't, and. Well. When it rains it pours I guess

I'm trying to be better at putting aside my anxiety though and actually communicating, so hopefully the next update will be soon and with better news. And I'm sorry it took this long for me to say anything at all. You all deserve better communication, and I'm going to continue to try to do that now

Thank you for your patience, and hopefully this doesn't drag out too much longer]

[dreamerchildunofficial]

[GUESS WHO FINALLY GOT JOB ORIENTATION TOMORROW!!!!]

[dreamerchildunofficial]

[If I had a nickel for each time I signed paperwork to be employed somewhere and wasn't able to start work, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.]

[dreamerchildunofficial]

Hey uh. Is everything good?

[Oh shit, I missed that this was sent a few days ago.

Everything is more than good!! I finally got a job that I should be starting in the next week or two, I still need to get more details on it, but that means I should be back some time soon!! The thing is though that it's going to be an overnight shift, so I'm going to have to work out when and how active I'm going to be :/ Also, some other things are going on in the background, but I would like to be back sometime in either late August or September.

Sorry for the lack of updates and stuff, but I will be back eventually! Thank you for sticking with me :) ]

[dreamerchildunofficial]

Hey uh, is this blog dead now?

[No, sorry, I keep forgetting to make a post. There's been a few things going on in my life that's been making it hard to do things at times, and I really needed to focus on job hunting. I'm hopeful I'll actually have something within the next week, but until I actually have a job, I'm not going to be able to get on here to do this.

With that said, I also kinda forgot I left this on a cliffhanger too? 😅 Oops! Frisk is fine, everyone's fine, there's just going to be some hurt feelings between Frisk and Flowey, but like, everyone is okay lol Also, I didn't realize how hard and demanding it was going to be to keep the rule that every physical day corresponds to a day in the RP world until I felt like I had to come on here everyday to do it and tried doing that to an extent, so from now on, when I'm on here and actively role playing, that day will match up with a day in the RP world (like, if it's 1:00pm in my time zone, MST, it'll be 1:00pm for Frisk) but the cycles won't move forward during the time I'm not actively role playing. So I forgot when I last came on here, but from that day to when Frisk gets back on here, no time will have passed in the RP world. Well, it'll be the immediate next cycle because Frisk is going to take the time to talk to Toriel and Flowey for the rest of the cycle that I left off of, but time won't advance for them beyond that.

Again, I'm really sorry I haven't come on here to say all this before. I legitimately forgot, and every time I'd remember, I'd be busy doing something else and forget again.]

[dreamerchildunofficial]

they're scared that you're going to hurt them. you already did that, on three separate occasions, in the underground.

* Yeah, but that was before we were friends, and like I said, I told them that I didn't think them or I killing everyone was a big deal. Especially because everyone ended up fine!

* And maybe if I had understood better what they were so messed up about, I could have helped them, I guess.

* ...

* Shit, they're coming back to their room. I have to go, so I can tell them I know and give them their phone back.

* Kind of surprised they didn't tell Smiley Trashbag about the time loop we're currently trapped in since they decided to tell him of all people first, but I guess they did say it was for practice. They'll probably tell him again next loop only add the bit where, I'm guessing they're going to try to rope him into this.

* I feel like this should have been a group decision because I still don't trust him even after all these years, but I guess his reaction this loop proved that he can know for now, I guess.

[dreamerchildunofficial]

Well obviously it's because it's something that deeply troubles them! They were made to do horrible things and that stuff keeps them up at night! It really messed them up. You saw how they were when they told sans and they only really did that because they knew sans wouldn't remember. If they had told you, you wouldn't forget.

* ...Well it's too late now.

[dreamerchildunofficial]

yes, we do see your world as a story, especially now that there's no gameplay to distract us from these fascinating story beats. :3c

* ...Cool I guess?

* I guess it'll be good thing in the long run that y'all have nothing better to do

[dreamerchildunofficial]

ahem. trauma need not be rational. it's... really hard to trust that one won't be hurt again, when one has been hurt a lot before.

* I get that, but I don't see why that has anything to do with keeping this from me.

[dreamerchildunofficial]

hiii flowey! fun fact: your world has transitioned from game to interactive epistolatory narrative

* You mean you still see our world as a story especially now that Frisk has made this Angel forsaken blog?

[dreamerchildunofficial]

Well the reason you can't remember those loops is because a true reset occurred. Also you asked not to remember anything if we decided to reset after a pacifist run, you said you couldn't do it again.

* Yeah, I can see why I wouldn't want to know if you all reset a pacifist run. I know I wouldn't want to remember living on the surface for this long if this was ever reset again. But that didn't stop Frisk from not telling me about the fact that they killed more people than I remember

[dreamerchildunofficial]

Kitty! :D

[Kitty! :D ]

[dreamerchildunofficial]

Hello? Flowey are you still there?

* For the moment.

[dreamerchildunofficial]

you know frisk. you should probably know by now that the answer to "why on earth" is usually "it's the trauma"

also the only reason they even feel comfortable telling sans is the possibility that he'll be reset. you will remember, and if you (somehow, inexplicably, but trauma responses need not be rational) hold all this against them, they'll be kinda fricked for the rest of eternity. they're scared, flowey. really really scared.

* I can tell that much, but they know I think it's not a big deal that people died! I killed everyone too, and they're all fine!

* I understand why they would be scared to tell literally anyone else about it except I don't understand why they would be scared to tell me.

[dreamerchildunofficial]

i mean, why *would* they tell you this, if it's so painful to talk about?

* Because they've had 8 years to tell me. I've asked them multiple times what the big deal was because I thought they only killed a handful of people, and they all came back anyway. If I had known that they murdered everyone, I would have understood better why they were so messed up about it.

* Also, the fact that I can't remember every single timeline feels like pretty important information to know. Especially now that we're in yet another time loop.

[dreamerchildunofficial]

Confession I

[Flowey's face looks grim as he peers into the camera. Behind him is a blueish purple wall with a soft glow at the top of the camera's view as if there's some kind of source of soft light just off screen.]

[Flowey clears his throat quietly and looks around before looking back into the camera.]

Flowey: Okay, so Frisk is definitely hiding stuff from me. I knew that before, but it definitively got confirmed when they said they didn't feel comfortable with me having the password to their blog anymore and using it. Not that I had any intention of talking to you idiots, but now I know there's something they're telling you that they won't remember that they refuse to tell me.

Flowey: I was originally just worried about them because it looked like you all did a real number on them the loop we went to the Underground, but then they wouldn't stop looking at me guiltily before banning me from their tumblr. And I know I was angry at them for something during the time we were in the Underground, like really angry, but for the life of me I can't remember why.

Flowey: On top of that, early this morning they said they couldn't hang out this loop because they have to practice doing something which doesn't make any Angel damn sense. So I followed them around, and right now, they just asked Sans if they could talk to him alone, and they suspiciously have on those cloudy glasses they got from Gerson in the Underground.

Flowey: The ones that make you invulnerable for longer or something like that.

Flowey: So I'm going to go get some answers, and you're all going to come with me and tell me whatever it is that I'll probably forget, and Frisk, if you watch this at some point after the stream is done, if you really wanted to keep me out, maybe use a different password than the other one of two that you always use.

[Flowey turns the camera around, and on the opposite side of the room is a large painting that the camera can only see the bottom half of. It looks like it's a painting of the view of Asgore's castle from Waterfall. Right underneath it is a long desk with a few drawers. It's decorated with framed photos of Frisk with various friends and family members and a couple of plastic mini jack-o-lanterns with tealights in them. On the bottom part of the camera is the edge of a bed with lilac sheets and on the floor, curled up and sleeping on a circular, light blue rug, is a small, light brown and white cat.]

[The camera gets jostled as Flowey climbs down from the bed and moves to the door. He pushes it open quietly and pauses before moving out of the door and down the hallway. He gets close to an open door towards the end of it before he stops again.]

[There are voices coming from a room beyond the hallway. Sans and Toriel are talking too quietly for the camera to pick up what exactly it is that they're saying.]

[Flowey turns into the room with the open door, a bathroom with a fluffy green bath rug next to a bathtub, and he moves quickly onto the toilet before sliding the window above it open and climbing out of it.]

[He moves around the side of the house and ducks down behind the wall again as the front door opens and closes. Toriel walks down the pathway leading to the house, and when she reaches the sidewalk, she stops for a moment to give a worried glance back at the house before she continues making her way down the street.]

[When she's out of sight, Flowey moves across the front of the house until he reaches a cracked open window on the left side. He raises up toward it until the camera can see inside.]

[There is a light green couch on the left wall where Frisk is sitting with their elbows on their knees and their head in their hands. On the opposite side of the room from the window is Toriel's reading chair, and on the right side of the room, a TV sits in a television stand with cubbies full of movies and photos of family and friends. A coffee table sits in the middle of the room with a bouquet of golden flowers in a green vase sitting in the middle of it. On the windowsill, next to where Flowey carefully hides the camera, is an empty pot of dirt with an old silver music box on the other side of it.]

[Sans walks into the room, and Frisk immediately looks up at him from their seat on the couch, their expression just shy of full on panic. Sans pauses for a second before he continues forward at a slower pace and sits down next to them gently.]

Sans: so what's got you so worked up you couldn't even tell your mom about it, kiddo?

[Frisk opens their mouth, closes it, opens it again, and then closes it once more. They look down at their knees and shake their head before they get up from the couch and start pacing in front of him.]

Frisk: I don't know if I can do this.

Sans: do what?

Frisk: Tell you the truth.

Sans: tell me the truth? about what? the fact that catpuccino took your tongue?

[Frisk stops pacing to give him an agonized look.]

Sans: yeesh, it's that bad, huh?

[Frisk takes a deep breath and nods.]

Frisk: Do you remember the conversation we had... I think it was yesterday? Where we were talking about the prank you pulled on me in the Underground when you gave me your key after I proved to you I was a time traveler?

Sans: yeah, you said you loved that prank.

Frisk: I did! It was a really good one.

[They avoid his gaze and start wringing their hands together.]

Frisk: It got me thinking... The therapist I had until I was eleven didn't believe, and I don't think anyone would believe me, at least, not right away, except you. You would believe me.

Sans: believe that you're a time traveler?

Frisk: No. I mean, yes. But no, it's– it's more than that.

[They start pacing again.]

Frisk: Since Papyrus has been bringing me to his ambassador meetings to teach me how to take over the role, I've also been thinking about– about what it would mean to be a good ambassador. And to be a good ambassador, there has to be open and honest communication between me and all of the monsters, and everyone needs to trust me, right?

Sans: yeah, frisk, do you think we don't trust you?

Frisk: No, I know you all do, but that's the problem!

Sans: how is that a problem?

[Frisk stops pacing and pulls on their hair in distress.]

Frisk: Because I've been lying to you! I've been lying to everyone!

[Their voice breaks on the last word, and Sans looks at them with concern.]

Sans: what do you mean you've been lying to us? what have you been lying to us about?

[Frisk closes their eyes and takes a few shaky breaths.]

Frisk: Everything. Everything that happened before. The fact that I don't think I'm safe to be around, and I haven't been the entire time you've known me. There's so much you don't know, and I can't do this!

Sans: okay, frisk, take a deep breath with me, okay? in.

[Sans takes a deep breath in, and Frisk copies him.]

Sans: out.

[He lets out his breath slowly, and Frisk follows suit.]

[They continue breathing together like that for a minute before Frisk wipes away the tears gathering in their eyes.]

Sans: okay. can you start from the beginning? what is it that you haven't told anyone?

[His voice is gentle, and Frisk looks like they're going to start crying again.]

Frisk: I– While I was in the Underground, I was possessed. As soon as I hit the flowerbed when I fell in the hole, I– I didn't have control over my body. I thought I did because I didn't see how I couldn't have been in control, so the entire time I was there and a couple of years after we reached the surface in this timeline, I thought I did everything of my own volition even– even when I didn't want to.

[Their voice cracks, and they tug on their hair again as they close their eyes.]

Frisk: The timelines that kept stopping and restarting that you were talking about, that was all me and the person who possessed me, but they made me do different things in a lot of those timelines.

Sans: frisk, how– i never told you about how i was researching timelines in the underground.

Frisk: You did. Multiple times in multiple different timelines. It was when you were...

[Frisk takes a deep breath.]

Frisk: There were other timelines similar to this one. Where we all reached the surface. It only happened a couple of times, and those times that it did happen, we only got a year or two on the surface at the most before everything reset again, and we were back underground.

Flowey: Wait, I don't remember that. What the hell are they talking about?

[Flowey's voice is quiet enough for only the camera to pick it up and no one else to hear.]

Sans: the person who was possessing you did this?

[Frisk nods.]

Frisk: There were– there were also some timelines where I– I killed people.

[Their voice cracks again, and tears escape and slide down their cheeks.]

Frisk: Sometimes I killed a few random monsters. Sometimes I killed... I killed Mom. And I killed Undyne and Mettaton and Asgore and Flowey and– and Papyrus.

Flowey: Since when did they ever kill me?

[Frisk takes a short, forceful gasp of air as they start to cry in earnest.]

Frisk: There were a– a lot of times where I– I killed everyone. And not just e–everyone I came across, I kept w–walking around and h–hunting down monsters and killing them until– until there was no one left because– because I either killed them or they h–hid.

Sans: frisk.

Frisk: I fought you! I fought you and killed you a lot of times, and you told me about how you knew I was the anomaly you were studying and you thought I would stop resetting the timeline if you gave me what I wanted and that I probably just wanted some friends and good food and bad laughs–

Sans: frisk.

Frisk: –and you killed me so many times, but I kept coming back even though I didn't want to, I just wanted you to end it for good, but you never could, and you told me how you knew I was doing this because I could and because I could, then I had to–

Sans: frisk, please stop and listen to me.

Frisk: –And now I'm so scared that I'm going to be possessed again, and I'll go back to being seven, and we'll all be trapped underground, and I'll have to kill all of you again and again and again and if that doesn't happen, I'm scared that I'm going to be possessed while we're on the surface because the surface turned into a game, and I'll start killing you all again here, and then I'll move on to humans or I'll end up starting a war between humans and monsters again–

Sans: frisk, seriously–

Frisk: –Which is why I need to tell everyone, so that everyone can decide if they trust me or if I'm too dangerous to be around and need to be locked up and sent away or– or die for good!

[Sans' eyes go dark in shock just as Frisk opens their eyes and takes a deep gasp of air. A look of terror crosses their face, and they remain frozen in place.]

Flowey: Oh shit. I should not have been recording this.

[The camera doesn't turn off, and the room stays silent.]

[Finally, Sans' eye lights turn back on.]

Sans: frisk, is that why you're wearing the cloudy glasses? do you really think i'm going to attack you?

[Frisk fully breaks down into sobs as they nod their head and hug themself tightly.]

[Sans stands up and walks toward them with his arms reaching toward them like he's about to wrap them in a hug, but they flinch away, and he let's his arms fall back down to his sides.]

Sans: frisk, i'm not going to hurt you.

Frisk: You should. I kept all of this from you for years.

Sans: that doesn't matter. i'm not going to hurt you, okay? you didn't do anything wrong.

Frisk: I killed you. I killed Papyrus. I– I killed everyone. I– I–

Sans: i know that wasn't really you. you just told me it wasn't really you. i do have to know though, who did this to you?

[Sans' eyes flash dark again, and Frisk winces.]

Frisk: I don't– don't know who sp–specifically. There's– There's a world of people who see our– our world as a v–video game. That's why they were a–able to possess me. Because the Underground was– was just a video game to them. That's w–why it's so dangerous to be around me. I– I don't know if the p–person who played me in o–our world specifically is ever– ever going to come back or if “th–the game” will ever be updated where th–they get to take me over while we're here on the surface or– or– or–

Sans: that's... i'm going to process that later. either way, i know how video games generally work, and i don't think there's going to be an update where they get to play as you up here. and it's been eight years now. if they were going to come back, they would have by now. i'm not going to lock you up and send you away, and i'm not going to let anyone else do that to you either.

[Frisk cries harder, but they finally let go of themself and let Sans pull them into a hug.]

Sans: we'll talk to tori about this later, okay? for right now, i have some ice cream in the freezer, and my computer is decently charged. so we're going to sit down and eat ice cream, and i'm going to find you another therapist.

[Frisk chokes out a laugh, and Sans rubs circles into their back.]

Flowey: I really really shouldn't have recorded any of this.

Flowey: But why on earth did they not tell me any of this? Why did it take me having to spy on them for me to know that there were more timelines that existed than what I knew about?

[The camera carefully gets lowered down from the window, and when it's back to almost ground level, it gets turned around to face Flowey who looks distressed slightly angry.]

Flowey: I shouldn't have done this, and I don't think I can delete this either shit!

[He looks around quickly before he gives the camera an intense glare.]

Flowey: Listen. I don't care if any of you killed them all. I killed them all too; it's whatever. But this means a lot to Frisk, and I shouldn't have recorded them like this, and Frisk, when you see this, I'm sorry that I did. But if any of you bother them over this, you'll have to get through me, first.

[dreamerchildunofficial]

...people tend to respond that way way, way too often when told about soul-crushing trauma.

* ...That's fair. Maybe I should have given them more of a chance.

* I'll give Sans that chance now. Thank you.