#going to start another session
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look at my tutor dawg im gonna fail
#just finished studying#IM SO FONE ??!?!!!#its so confusing#going to start another session#BCUS I DIDNT GET ANYTHING#well only a little#THE PRACTICE QUESTS ARENT EVEN IN THE LESSON ?????????#ITS A WHOLE DIFFERENT EQUATION#TOO MANY EXES#this is only wk2 lesson#IM SO#🐰 : miro talks
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cw: harry potter, jk rowling, transphobia
I occasionally see posts/get messages about the various harry potter references in the bright sessions, etc. and I've gotten a bunch of new followers recently so just so any new/younger listeners of my shows know:
jk rowling is a terrible transphobe whom I hold zero respect for and I haven't given a dime of my money to her since she revealed who she truly is. I want the whole bright universe to be a safe space for trans people (including the trans folks in our cast and crew!) and if I could go back and remove those references, I would. but I can't! harry potter was an extremely significant part of my life until...well, until it became very clear who she really was. it makes me so sad to think that folks might be finding TBS now and get thrown out of the story by these references, but just know that the people who made the show do not stand by jk, and that in many ways, the show is a product of its time.
#the bright sessions#harry potter#jk rowling#transphobia#I know there's PLENTY to say about the bigotry in the actual books and I think there's a lot of merit to those criticisms#and I'll own to choosing not to see some of that stuff before all this went down bc the books were meaningful to me#(this is not HP specific - another beloved childhood book series that was EVEN more formative to me growing up)#(is also something I've grappled with in recent years bc I think the author is actually probably wildly misogynistic)#(even though he's never behaved badly (far as I know) in his public life - there's stuff in the text)#BUT ANYWAY#it can be so hard to remember that we didn't have ANY inkling of her bigotry in this regard until 2018#all of the original run of TBS was written before that#and I'll admit I gave jk the benefit of the doubt in 2018 re: her liking that tweet! I wanted to give her a chance to learn and grow#and she did....not do that#but TAMA was written in that little grace period#and then a few references in TCT were taken out during recording bc june of 2020 was when she really started to go mask off#and so we were making changes in real time#we didn't know what to do about quidditch#bc we were like 'this is a sport that people play in college and it's just called that?'#'and it's already canon that caleb plays?'#and it wasn't called quadball yet#anyway not trying to make excuses!#just know that none of those references were put in with any malice#and I guess I *could* go back and rerecord all those lines and replace them#but I know enough about my original audio engineering to know that it woudl be VERY hard to make it sound natural#and idk I do think there's something to be said for not covering up errors in old work#I'm not going to try to pretend HP wasn't important to me#EDIT: I've turned off reblogs for this post#also this is not me trying to tell other people how to approach their own HP fandom#fanworks especially - there's no benefiting jo in that - and I think it's totally legit for ppl to want to take HP as their own!
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More animation frame screenshots whoop whoop! I swear it’s almost comedic how he’s managed to hijack my YouTube channel and gain me a baffling amount of new subscribers from OUT OF NOWHERE WHA- someone needs to stop him before this happens again I’m scared /j. It’s been fun watching the numbers increase in real time if not a tad overwhelming, but thankfully it mostly makes me feel appreciative more than anything else. Hopefully it’s made people laugh or helped inspired others <3
I would have talked myself out of sharing it otherwise…so glad I made the right decision with posting there. Took a leap of faith and now I feel validated for doing so. I just hope that I’m doing the characters justice even if adding my own unique spin on it. Plus gotta take a step back and remind myself that viewership isn’t what makes the world go round. Wouldn’t want the numbers getting to my head this early on and intervening with my creative visions jksjskp! I get easily influenced sometimes so finding a healthy balance for it is key :))
In meantime enjoy the facial doodles I love drawing expressions hehe
#yeah so funny enough might have just had another character growth moment here with myself YIPEEE#turns out I was the one holding myself back for so long#which honestly shouldn’t be a suprise for me but here we are <<#but I felt conditioned to suppress my interests from others and can’t even pinpoint why that was? Or how it started?#it’s just been something I’ve grown to struggle with throughout middle school & high school#think I internalized being a people pleaser and acting the role of who others perceived me to be?#NO CLUE we don’t got enough time for a therapy session *throws it all out the window*#point being that FINALLY I’ve broken out of that cycle#and with the success of the animation I’m finally realizing ‘HUH wait it’s actally a good thing to share nerdy fanart?’#because I labeled myself as an exception who couldn’t be allowed to do that#moral of story: anxiety messes with you and limits your creative freedom#you just need to stop caring about how others will react and GO FOR IT!! Because in reality you won’t be ridiculed for doing so#it’s just that we are so self critical and one of our biggest fans/haters all at once#but sharing fanart is perfectly acceptable and fun to do. Don’t limit yourself from doing something you want to <3#wip frames#wip animation frames#hplonesome art
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arrowmclaren throwing it back with the no. 6 retro tones. 🎨⏮️
#helmet too sexy#i’ll be thinking about her forever#callum ilott#indycar#arrow mclaren#indy 500 2024#*#we’ve got another practice session in about an hour#fast twelve at 3 est and then somebody gets bumped ☹️ and thennn we go for pole!#they didn’t send callum for another try yesterday so he’s starting p15 next weekend eeeep
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remember when i said i’d do my smut drabbles for Halloween . well i’m a Liar who Lies 🩷
#it’s so weird bc i’ve written a decent amount lately but ever since i started these drabbles i fell into a massive rut#maybe it’s bc i don’t know how to write smut so it’s making me a bit . Ya Know#i still want to get these drabbles out in the first week of november bc these drabbles aren’t halloween related or anything#if it changes and i’m able to get it out by then then GREAT! if not i won’t beat myself up abt it#but sighhhhhhh. i wish i was one of those people who could write more 😭 sighhh that’s a personal goal#hmm. Am I My Own Obstacle ��……… let’s not get into that rn 🩷#i’m also in my bored of tumblr phase i go thru these phases constantly 😭 but i’ll try and be on here anyways :3 a lil post here & there :3#BUT OMG :D i got elf lip oils when i went out to the movies :3 i got rose envy & jam session YAAAAAAAAY#my bro said he’d take me to japantown in mid november so HOPEFULLY!!!!! FINGERS CROSSED!!!!! i can go!!!!!#i wanna buy TONS of jjk figures + cute accessories!#i want cute clothes (always) but stuff is expensive so 😪#anyways another one of my personal goals is to take more pictures!!!!! and get cute trinkets here and there hehe#personal
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SUPREMELY frustrating that we found something actually really cool and intriguing and plot relevant in tonight's session but I'm still so constantly preoccupied with whether the DM is going to 100% kill us with sheer poor game design that I barely have enough brainspace left over to even enjoy it
#the first half of the session was a random-off-a-rolltable encounter that had nothing to do with anything and gave us literally nothing#and used up all our resources and took a REALLY long time because it was-- you guessed it! another deadly encounter for some reason!!#that's 100% of the encounters we've had so far!#and EXPLICITLY not related to what we were trying to investigate AND creatures that drop neither loot NOR BODIES#(two wil o the wisps and a water wierd)#we did a lot better in this encounter but it WAS deadly going off CR#and the point is now we've done just a short rest and THEN found the Plot Thing-- which our bard used up a bunch of resources to access#SO NOW IT'S LIKE. OKAY LOOK. I WANNA PLAY IN THIS SPACE BUT YOU KEEP TRYING TO KILL US WITH THINGS THAT AREN'T EVEN IMPORTANT#ARE YOU ABOUT TO WHOOPSIE-DOODLE US INTO A TPK ON ACCIDENT HERE???#like... it FEELS dangerous and A Bad Idea to engage with in a way that paradoxically SHOULD mean it's safer in a game like this#like-- okay if this was ACTUALLY as dangerous as it feels we wouldn't BE here on session six. does that make sense?#like when justin had us encounter a lich at level two in session three and I was immediately like OH okay he must have a plan here.#clearly some Scripted Plot is going to happen because there's no other reason he would put us up against a lich three sessions in. you know?#we started dying immediately and I was not afraid at all as a player because I trust justin wouldn't do that for no reason#or be so stupid to have that happen accidentally#THIS CAMPAIGN HOWEVER.... I DON'T TRUST LIKE THAT!!!#ARE WE GONNA FOR REAL PERMADIE BECAUSE YOU WASTED ALL OF OUR RESOURCES ON A RANDOM ENCOUNTER FIRST AND YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT#ARE WE GONNA FOR REAL PERMADIE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REALIZE WE COULD USE THE ITEM YOU GAVE US TO OPEN THIS DOOR WITH A 5TH LEVEL SPELL#I WANNA PLAY IN THE SPACE BUT IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE THERE'S ROOM FOR RISKTAKING WHERE THE BAD OUTCOMES WOULDN'T BE UNFUN CATASTROPHIC#AAAAUUUUGHHH#[shaking him violently] what do you mean that random encounter was a deadly encounter again what do you MEEEAAN#'oh huh this fight's taking longer than I thought' THEIR AC IS 19 AND THEY'RE RESISTANT TO NONMAGIC DAMAGE??#THE WATER WIERD KEEPS DISAPPEARING BACK INTO THE POND WHERE IT'S INVISIBLE??? MY BROTHER IN CHRIST HOW DID YOU EXPECT US TO DO IT FAST#hhhhhHHHH!!!!#I SHOULD BE THINKING AND TALKING ABOUT HOW COOL THE SECOND HALF OF THE SESSION GENUINELY WAS BUT I'M TOO STRESSED TO HAVE FUN#cannot stress enough that I'm in a million campaigns and I never have this problem with other DMs or with Highly Dangerous DnD Situations#melliwyk's party are in mortal peril constantly and it's... reaching a point where it's tiresome for how badly it's wearing on the PCs#but it rarely feels unfun stressful as a player playing a game#I never feel like the DM is about to accidentally end the whole campaign by bumblefucking us into a TPK at random#you know? it's different. this just feels unmanageable
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so fucking busy the rest of the year. being alive is awesome :]
#i have 4 classes this semester and 2 of them r music relateddd i love my major#my financial aid package FINALLY PROCESSED after like 7 months lol#so i just have to figure out disbursement#i have surgery in october to have a hysterectomy and oophorectomy#and then i am gonna be out of work for 4 weeks (but still doing classes lol...)#and i have 2 more cohorts to facilitate#and a training video and some projects to pull together#and a brainstorm session tomorrow#and im going to a baseball game for work on thursday!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!#and if my finaid is as much as theyre saying it will be my rent for the rest of the year is paid#which would mean all my paychecks can go directly to#medical costs and other bills n savings#which puts me so fucking closer to moving out next year#if i play my cards right i can pay all my debts between now and march/april of next yesr#and then i will be able to fucking!!!!!!! move!!!!!!!#wait guys im emotional i had a shitty medical procedure i had to endure as part of pre op a d#literally in the last hour im back to feeling so fucking energized#ohhh my gd i love being alive please please please lef this work out#im gonna stART PLANNING W MY FRIENDS FOR A SPRING TRRIP NEXT YEAR?#AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! maybe even planning another trip w 19 bc i saw a cool cabin to stay in LMAO#just. yells. oh my gd#please please let this work out even 50% of the way of what it looks like it could be
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j need to get back into life drawing post haste
#i think im losing . construction in my art#im forgetting how to draw bodies think. idk#literlaly so annoying . its like fun when u get the hang of things but then u neglect one aspect in pursuit of another#and then have to go back and touch up that old skill to try and balance jt and theres that brief period where#eveyrthing is harmonious and then it outpaces itself again and becomes ths juggling act#overall i enjoy it . the drawing sessions but smtimes finding the will 2 get out of bed is like pulling teeth#bc i know im never going 2 walk out of there feeling satisfied but . actually idc#a lot of my pals . my friends there r a couple of decades older than me and they have the best advice tbh#randy. and donna . randy and donna and third guy whose name i forget . -> if u r satisfied at the end of a session did u rly learn anything#always want 2 improve . right right#UARHGHQHHH ill do it ill go . im scared bc i feel like it tends to artblock me#bc i start getting in my head ab what i know/see vs what i can only draw#but im sooo addicted 2 wanting to get better . i want to draw like a million people i see on here who have that great construction and#weight and anatomy and dynamism . i want to be like u . ill work to be like u ill try#and i feel like ive negelcted my basics for soo long .. i need to get ths foam shapes and a lamp . NOWWWW#yotasuke#i miss yotasuke so much.damn. thats crazy . anyways#the way he points out that yatoras dedication/hard work is a talent . like ueah . i agree w him im envious of that r u kidding me#and ytora walkimg arnd like oh u have it so easy ytsk. he needs to shut the hell up smtimes#i meed to see them eviscerate each other blood and all.#spongebob icecream truck- not that yatoras hard work isnt Also a skill but ykwim . if youve read YKWIMM#bc he was always like woe is me im soo untalented and its like no bro u r you just manifest it differently . that natural drive is a talent#but that natural drive also takes skill to foster and nurture else it has no purpose .#no i cant be blp posting in the tags bye
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Today in english we had a speach practice and the task us to roleplay a mother, father and a child in an argument
I played the mother. I won the argument easily (duh, i ain't losing even the imaginary argument) and the dude who played the dad was SILENT
The teacher asked him at the end what the final decision is, he said I win and the teacher said "the husband always has the last word and that word is You're right, darling" and the girl who played the kid was dying laughing next to me and so was i 😭😭😭
#Another trio ended up in a yelling session#things went heated 😭😭😭#the dude was losing one sentence in#he couldn't top my arguments#is it normal to be that satisfied from wonning an imaginary argument?#meh#the dad and the kid were supposed to be opposing the mother#and neither of them could find a way to disprove my point#the teacher tried to give them advice but it failed too#at some point the teacher started agreeing with me 😭😭#we don't get speach practices often so i go full in every time#i love speach practices#they're so fun
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i am a fucking idiot, that is the conclusion im coming to recently.
#vent/rant#WHOS UP FOR A STORY ABOUT HOW IM THINKING ABOUT MY EX AGAIN#its fucking tiring at this point#like 'oh im over her' and then a month passes i have a random memory of her and we're back to the bullshit#i fucking hate this i fucking hate myself for putting myself through this im stupid im a fucking idiot god fucking dammit.#aaaaaaaaaaaaa#it started from like a little memory of a thing#aaaaaaand then it escalated to me writing another longass message to them#this time i sent it#they didnt read it yet#i think she doesnt use messenger anymore#maybe for the better#i want to fucking die#stupid idiot ass fucker <- me#guess who went through our old dms again too#if it wasnt for the fact that im not a grass toucher id kms by now#its always getting worse between the therapy sessions scheduled.#it gets worse better again and tbh im fine again when i go to the session#and my therapist thinks im fine and i think im just gaslighting myself into thinking im unwell mentally#two weeks since the therapy session#*gets mentally unwell*#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#its not a good day my friends. it is not.
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Wait u draw aip with jsut ur left hand????
asddshfjg yeah so i injured my hand like 2 ish days after starting askinsuffereableprick,,,,, i pushed through the pain for like 3 or so posts(not smart), in total there have been 8 posts on that blog that were done with my right hand, everything after oct 7th is left handed lmao
#the hand injury was partially cus of the blog yes#it was mainly hyperfocusing at school for weeks straight but going from that into an intense weekend of dave arting........................#may not have been the best idea lmao#at this point with stabilizer there isnt a Huge difference between my left n right art#but its more noticeable traditionally#mainly if i use a pen then its still shaky as hellllll#my main complaint now is its still much slower And i cant use keyboard shortcuts :(#which slows me down extra much and limits what i can do in some instances#but fcking hell like at the start?? i was filling out a character sheet and there was a 5 minute laughing session cus it was like....#literally incomprehensible#so ive come a long way >:)#the hannd is also maybee kinda getting better a bit#im giving it another month of rest at Least#probably like 2..... hopefully it wont need more then that................................................................#ask#anon#rambles
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man i miss therapy 😔
#why does therapy have to be so expensive#why am i being punished for being poor and having a mental illness/trauma#counting down the days until my benefits renew and i can start going again#tho its also like. i only get *maybe* 10 sessions w my benefits#thats not enough to make real actual progress#its just enough to survive another like. 3 months#what am i supposed to do#and im being doubly punished bc if i dont “follow my drs prescribed treatment plan” (aka therapy and meds) then my disability payments stop#so its literally a vicious cycle#why doesnt society want me to be alive
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maybe tiny demon starting scouts wasn't the best financial decision
#lila speaks#she's so happy thooooo#she can't wait to get out the door once she's home from school#like i would've never been able to do such things when i was her age#purely anxiety reasons my mum tried to get me to go to brownies#but i came home with a headache and never went again lolzzzz#it's 133 pounds just for her starter uniform blankets and some badges to get her started#like that's not even her den kit her camping stuff#there's a sleepover in may and thats 60 pounds#plus 10 pounds for her upcoming badge day#why do i do this to myself#and she's already been to two sessions and i still don't have iy#i will have it but not for another week and i know i'm in a better place than most i know this#just pls lemme have my little mardy in peace#mwah
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I'm part of an Unknown Armies campaign run by my girlfriend, and it's driven me to strange madness. Today I made a conspiracy board for it. I've made memes. I'm painting a map of the setting. I started writing a novella loosely based off of my character, which feels like fanfiction. There's an NPC I'm in love with and her existence makes me want to create fan content. I've never created fan content before, for anything. I'm considering writing fanfic for Blorbo from my girlfriend's head, that's where we're at right now. What is going on
#we're like three sessions in#its just making me want to be so creative but only for that stuff#like my brain has been lightly puzzling out how to do a map from the setting but in knitting#because painting the mao hasnt been enough for me i want a fucking commemorative hand knit tapestry#and theres a character i love so much. shes a sweetie and autistic in my heart#ive never made fanart bcuz i cant draw. luckily another player is so good and does art of her#but my heart wabts to do fanart of her#i write. so ive considered trying fanfic writing for this specific thing#ive never written fanfic before. idek where to start. but the urge is in my heart becaue i love this character!!#i spent a whole fucking hour today going through my session notes and putting together a digital conspiracy board for this#(cuz its a mystery. im trying to figure out the mystery)#conspiracy board didnt help but i sure had fun making it#since i developed mental illness i haven't had a fraction of this creativity!! what is happening to me??#im not upset its just strange. it feels like my brain has been rinsed with cold water and did some stretches#the maintenance person in there had a moment of adhd motivation and deep cleaned it#i show my gf all of the things. like i send her the shitty memes i make mostly bcuz she inspires them#and i expressed my desire to make fan content which she approved. even though i havent those types of talent#i want to get back to painting the map tho ive been neglecting it#i have 10.000 words written for a novella that was inspired by one piece of backstory for my character that my gf thought of#idk this campaign just gives me the brain lightning
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this is for you since I can send in photos now
-sincerely bakery anon 🍪
THANK YOU BAKERY ANON AA!! <333333 HERE THESE ARE FOR U <333 HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS IN THE WORLD ILY ILY ILY!!! <3
#as you can see i am starting to go slightly out of order for answering asks#i am saving the long ones for another day!!#again it is my MY MIND'S fault not yours!! i love yap sessions <33#GIVING U ALL THE MINECRAFT LILLY OF THE VALLEYS IN THE WORLD!!!#THEY ARE ALL FOR YOU <3#bakery anon <3#answers <3
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i simply feel that if you burn shit in your roommate’s skillet you should then feel the obligation to be the one who scrapes it out and cleans up
#sometimes i think about the fact that i’m literally the only person who’s cleaned the kitchen in this place for the entire year and a half#i’ve lived here and i get. a little pissed off#i’ve tried being polite and bringing up the problem without explicitly pointing fingers by leaving cleaning products (which i bought)#out on the counters and sending a text in the group chat like ‘hey! 😊 i got these wipes for us! i think that all of us could#use these a little more often so that the kitchen doesn’t get so gross!’ but it seems that everyone either has no sense of shame or just#genuinely doesn’t mind living in filth for the periods between the marathon cleaning sessions i do every few weekends when i have the time#one of the guys who lives downstairs will just walk right by me cleaning up on his way to the fridge and pretend he can’t see me#which is still better than the other one (the one who just burned shit in my skillet) who once saw me cleaning and asked if he could help#and when i got all pleased and asked if he could maybe take the trash out for me while i was cleaning counters (a small and simple task!#when he’d literally asked me if there was anything he could do!) he visibly deflated. said ‘well i’m not really around here much [so it’s#not my trash in there etc.]’ and wandered off. without doing anything#like. HELLO???? you could have just been like the other guy and pretended you didn’t see me doing all the work if this was how you were#going to be about it#but i guess he wanted to feel good about himself having offered/expected me to just say ‘oh no thanks i love being your housekeeper 😊’#tbh i really need to be more assertive and be like ‘hey guys i’m sick of this’ and maybe. bring up the Sexism of it all. because.#you know. the whole situation feels pretty gendered#was complaining about all this to an irl friend the other day and she said i should start a chore chart but i don’t want to be responsible#for maintaining the chore chart either! take on the mental load of managing the housework and also turning into Resident Bitch for asking#men to do things for me. you know. there is simply no way out here#there is another woman who lives here as well but unfortunately i don’t think she’ll be much help in forcing the issue because. she doesn’t#clean shit either!#actually in the days since she moved in the shower drain in our bathroom has become horrendously clogged which. well. i mean not to point#fingers but one of us has got about two inches of hair and the other has got a foot and a half. so#i also simply feel that if you clog a drain you should be the one to unclog it but i’ll probably do that as well#sorry for the massive tag rant by the way i really shouldn’t make myself out to be some kind of martyr because i’m not particularly neat#myself but…. ooooh god if the bar isn’t all the way down in hell#anyway i just did a whole bunch of dishes but i left that one skillet to soak passive-aggressively overnight#i don’t think the aggression will come across though because i think he genuinely won’t even pay attention to the fact that it’s still#dirty and i’ll end up being the one to clean it tomorrow#caseyposting
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