#going to rot until december

[d4rkshad0w]

it’s going to be nearly two months since i read aftg and how many books have i finished since….?? two. only two.

at first i was like how do people get in reading slumps, i never understood until i read aftg because i CANNOT read any other book

[snoopyracing]

back to december // ln4

pairing: lando norris X reader

word count: 9k

warnings: swearing, alcohol use, and implied sex

includes: friends to lovers, pining, fluff, and angst.

summary: follows lando and the reader from the beginning of their relationship all the way until the end. based off of ‘back to december’ by taylor swift.

A/N: some of this is may not be biblically f1 accurate so please just close your eyes and pretend it is. who cares when the vibes are great. also don't forget.... i'm also just a girl...

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The days blurred together anymore, blurred into the same monotonous routine.

Wake up, get ready for work, go to work, come home, and then distract yourself from your own thoughts until it was time to go to bed. Some days were worse than others, but it was your own self destructive tendencies that got you into this state.

Today was a particularly shitty day, especially for a Friday. You couldn't wait to get home, but walking through the door to an empty apartment was something you still hadn't gotten used to. The bright warmness that always seemed to cascade through the apartment was replaced with dark coldness. The blinds were always shut now, the apartment could easily be mistaken for a vampire's liar at this point. The music that once played almost 24/7, that got you guys plenty of noise complaints, now collected dust on the shelf. The smell of dinner cooking as you walked through the door was now replaced with the Chinese takeout from two nights ago heating up in the microwave.

As you watched the plate spin your reflection in the yellow glow caught your attention. Oof. Have you really looked like this recently? The dark circles under your eyes looked like you had been taking up cage fighting as a hobby recently. You weren't sure how long you stood there, picking yourself apart, finding something new with each pass over yourself. The beeping from the microwave had been drowned out by your own thoughts.

Your phone had started to ring on the counter behind you, causing you to jump. Combine that with the now incessant beeping of the microwave and your heart was racing. You pressed answer, not bothering to glance at the caller id.

"Hello?" You asked as you opened the microwave, careful to not spill the plate as you picked it up with one hand.

The sound of your clearly already inebriated best friend filled your ears. "Heyyyyy!" You made your way to the couch, ready to stuff your face and then rot in your usual spot until you fell asleep. "I think you should get up off that couch and come over. We are having a little get together."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes at her statement. She had tried multiple times after it had happened to get you to go out. She had once famously said 'the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else'. Something that you gave a hard pass to. You thought she had finally given up on trying to get you to go out. It had been maybe almost a month, if you remembered correctly, since your last invite. Also, her get little get togethers were never little. They always escalated into bigger than her house could handle parties. Not that was always a bad thing, it's just the more people the more of a chance for you to run into him, or one his friends. The idea made your stomach turn.

"Would love to, but I'm already settled in for the night. Plus, sounds like you've already started the party without me."

"Oh come on! Please come over. It's been almost three months. Even for just a little bit." Before you could decline again she was already begging for a second time. "Please. For me?"

She was right, it had been almost three months. Maybe a party could do you some good or even just getting out of this routine you've been in for months. Then your mind wandered back to the same person it always has for months. "Is he going to be there?"

"Why would he be here?"

Your eyes darted to the picture frame on the tv stand. Inside the white wooden frame was picture of him and you and all your shared friends. It was from a trip you all had taken last summer to Greece. You both looked so happy and in love, which back then you were. You really should have put that picture up a long time ago, but you couldn't. There were a lot of things you couldn't put away.

"Maybe because we have mutual friends?" You pried.

"He's probably busy this weekend or out of the country. It will be fine. Just please come."

You sighed looking up to find that same reflection from the microwave now residing in the black screen of the TV. As you glanced back between your reflection in the tv and the picture of you from almost a year ago, you decided it was time to get back to the girl you were in Greece. Even without him.

"Fine. Let me get ready and I'll be over." The squeal that came from your friend's mouth was borderline inhumane. "I'll see you in a little bit." But as you hung up the phone that creeping what the hell did i just agree to feeling had appeared.

You tried to push those thoughts aside and hurried to get ready. Maybe this sudden spontaneous so out of character decision for you lately would be a good thing. You slapped on some makeup, making sure to cover those horrible dark circles and chose a casual, yet still party worthy outfit. Honestly the person who stood staring back at you from the mirror looked like the old you. The old you, the you that was happier, the you that was and still is in love.

The uber ride to your friend's house thankfully wasn't that long, it didn't allow for you to psych yourself out and change your mind about going. As the driver pulled up to her house it didn't seem like that crazy of a party, so maybe it was just a little get together. You thanked the driver and made your way to the front door. You took a deep breath before entering, here goes nothing. As you closed to door behind you, your eyes scanned the room. Some familiar faces filled the space of the living room. They noticed your presence and gave you a smile, but nobody came over to talk. You weren't sure if you should be offended or thankful.

Weaving your way through the house, you were on a mission to find your friend, her house wasn't that big, it shouldn't take that long to find her. As you entered the kitchen you realized it was the most crowded room in the house, granted it was were all the drinks were at. You found your friend in the center of the crowd, of course, but as she spotted you coming towards her she stopped her conversations and closed the gap between the two of you. Her arms squeezed you in so tight you could barely breathe.

"I'm so glad you came!"

You smiled back at her, but wanted to get some drinks in to loosen up some. "Yeah, yeah. What about a drink? I know you've started without me."

"Here. Your favorite." She grabbed a beer from the counter, pushing it towards you.

Not your favorite, in fact you hated beer, but you took it with a smile on your face. Some more people began filtering into the kitchen. "I'm gonna go talk to them real quick." Your friend stated. She was gone before you could say anything.

You tried to find something else to drink, but it had seemed that all that was left was beer. What was this? Some high school party? You took a swig of the beer your friend had handed you, hoping your taste buds had changed, but you were wrong. The one swig was enough for you to set it back on the counter.

The kitchen was becoming a little too stuffy and your friend didn't seem to be making her way back to you anytime soon, so you slid out the door to the patio. The fresh air already making you feel better. There were some people out there, a group of guys passing around a joint and some other people just talking, but nothing like the crowd in the kitchen. The empty lounge chair at the corner of the patio was calling your name. With nothing to drink and not really anyone here that you would like to talk to, besides your friend, this party was not turning out like you had hoped. You leaned back in the chair, looking up at the night sky. You tried to find some of the constellations, but the city lights made it far too hard to do.

You could hear footsteps coming towards you and you assumed it was your friend finally coming to hang out, but it was someone far worse than that.

"I think I might see the big dipper." You froze in the chair, goosebumps formed on your skin as your stomach turned. There was no need to turn around to see who was behind you, you knew that voice anywhere. "Hi Y/N."

Hearing him say your name made your body turn towards him, but also made your heart ache. Hearing your name roll off his tongue once brought you so much joy. Now it was like a stab in the heart. Your eyes scanned over him.

Fuck.

He looked good, so good. Clearly he was doing better than you were. His tan skin somehow still glistened in the night time and his curls slightly moved with the night breeze. Even though it was dark, the light from the patio allowed you to still see those eyes of his. The ones that still made you weak in the knees.

"Hi Lando." You gave him a small smile.

Of course he would be here you thought. You should have known he would be here. You had an inkling your friend knew and did this on purpose. You could kill her, but then again it was nice to see him, even if it did hurt like a bitch.

He stared at you for a moment before taking a seat on the end on the lounge chair where your legs resided moments ago. Being in this close of proximity to him made your heart race. Fuck you missed him and it drive you crazy the effect he still had on you.

He noticed you weren't drinking anything and let out a small chuckle. "Still don't like beer huh?"

You smiled, "Never have, never will."

He nodded and looked down at his shoes. This was clearly one of the most awkward conversations you've had in a long time.

"So how's your family doing?" You thought that might be a good thing to ask, you loved his family, so in all seriousness it was a genuine question.

He took a swig of his beer. "Yeah they're good."

You just nodded at his dry answer. Could this get anymore awkward?

You could feel Lando staring at you, he took another swig of his beer before asking. "So how's your new found freedom?"

Ouch. Sensitive topic. You didn't want to talk about how much of a fuck up you were right now, so you deflected the conversation back to him. "Saw you made podium recently. Congrats."

He laughed dryly, he knew what you were doing. "Thanks."

You had started to pick at your nails, a nervous habit the both of you unfortunately shared. You didn't want your relationship to have turned out this way. You wanted to tell him right then and there that you were sorry. That you missed him more than anyone could imagine. That he didn't deserve what you put him through. That you still love him. The memories of you two came flooding back and as you two sat there on the lounge chair, close as strangers. Your mind hit replay.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Lando had been in your life for years. You had met not to long after he had been brought onto the McLaren team. If you wanted to get specific it was at a celebratory party his friends had thrown him. You were invited through mutual friends. When you went that night you had no idea you had just met the man who three years later you would be in love with. Sure you thought he was good looking, who didn't? For awhile you just remained casual friends, really not even that close. After about a year and a half of seeing him at parties, sometimes at other friends houses, and out at clubs, something had started to fester inside of you.

Needless to say you were developing a little crush. It didn't help that when you did see each other, he always went out his way to talk to you. You could walk into the room and as soon as he noticed you, whatever conversation he was having was terminated and he was soon by your side. Some more time had passed and you had heard through the grapevine that Lando was seeing someone, it stung a little, but other than showing you some attention he had made no claim to you. So, what were you to do other than just get over it and hopefully find someone new to crush on.

Though, his new relationship didn't last long and soon enough he was back to charming you. The talking occasionally at gatherings turned into texting, that then turned into texting everyday, which turned into facetiming, and then turned into you two always hanging out when he was around hanging out.

The two of you would go out to eat, to the movies, or even just hang out at each others apartments. It was always a fun time as long as you were in each others presence. You attended some races that were closer to home, always so excited to see him do the one thing he loved. The races you didn't attend though, the two of you were always in contact. Something that you always made sure of was that he never went without his 'goodluck ♡' text from you.

It had gotten to the point where your friends for sure thought you guys were dating and the public had a hunch too. You couldn't deny that your feelings for him were way beyond crush status at this point. And to say you would have rather ate glass than ask him how he felt about you was an understatement. The idea of Lando rejecting you was something that kept you up at night, so your feelings remained bottled up. That was until a sunny race day last spring.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Spring - i miss your tan skin, your sweet smile. so good to me, so right.

Lando had asked you weeks ago to come the upcoming Grand Prix in Australia. You were hesitant, Australia would be the furthest you had ever been from home and it made you a little nervous. At least, that's what you told him. The real truth was that you would've loved to go to Australia, especially to watch him race, but you just couldn't stand to be around him. Your feelings for him were making it so hard to be in his presence, especially with his naturally flirty personality. Your friends kept telling you that you were blind and that he was totally into you, but those statements always rolled off your back. To you, there was no way he felt that the same way you felt about him. So to try and protect yourself from one sided heartbreak, you distanced yourself.

All that work failed though, because here you were a week later on a plane to Australia. It didn't take much more begging from Lando for you to finally cave. Hell, he even wanted you to come early with him, but you drew the line. He had work to do and you didn't want to be in the way, because knowing Lando recently, he would have wanted you with him 24/7. Which was really tampering with your distancing yourself from him plan.

Two connecting flights later and you were finally landing in Melbourne. As you departed from the plane and collected your bags you realized maybe you should have come earlier with him. The airport was insanely busy and trying to get a Uber was going to be a huge and expensive pain in the ass.

You pulled out your phone from your pocket to see if there was even any Ubers available when a text from Lando popped up.

Lan: I've tried to send this damn message like 10 times. Wait. I hope everything's ok with the plane.....Tbh I think I would have gotten an alert or something. Or I would hope your last dying text would go to me. Anyways... text me as soon as you land. I've got a car waiting for you to bring you to the track.

You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, but was very thankful for him always taking care of you. Hell, the cost alone of your plane ticket was enough to make your eyes bulge, but he took care of it like it was nothing.

You: I'm alive. The wifi sucked on the last plane. Actually don't think I can ever do 26 hours of traveling again... consider yourself lucky Norris.

It didn't take but a minute for him to respond.

Lan: I was starting to get worried. Just saying it would have been much better if you just flew down with me days ago...

You: Perhaps.... I'll see you soon.

The ride to the track was beautiful. The sun had just made its grand entrance to the world as you looked out the window. You tried to look at as much as you could on the drive over, wanting to experience as much as you could with what time you had in Australia.

Lando was waiting for you when you arrived, paddock pass in hand. Cheesy smiles were painted on both of your faces as he pulled you into a hug. His cologne alone made you weak in the knees, let alone the feeling of being in his arms.

"Missed ya," he mumbled.

As you pulled away from him you were able to get a good long look at him. There was something about him during race weekends that just made him come alive, made him hotter. Not to mention how sunkissed he looked. Australia had been very kind to him and it was something you could get used to.

He grabbed your hand pulling you along with him. "Come on. Some stuff we need to do before race time." He was being very touchy today and you could feel yourself starting to become putty in his hands.

You got about ten steps before remembering your luggage. "Wait Lan! My bags!" You turned around to see the car had left.

"Don't worry about it. I've got it taken care of."

He always seemed to be doing that, taking care of you.

The place was already alive as the two of you walked around. In a few short minutes you were in his private room and miraculously so was your luggage "You can relax in here for awhile, or do whatever. I've got some things to do but I'll come get you before the race ok?"

You nodded at him and he closed the door behind him. Glancing around the room your eyes landed on the couch and decided a quick power nap may do you some good. You weren't asleep but maybe a half an hour when the constant sound of text notifications woke you up. You grabbed your phone, nothing, not a single text. You thought maybe you were dreaming it and then you heard it again. You looked to your left to see Lando's phone on the side table. He must have forgotten it.

You weren't trying to be nosy, but you were curious as to who was blowing up his phone like that. Quickly grabbing it you saw multiple texts from multiple people from the McLaren team asking where he was at. Must be missing an interview or something you thought. Then you saw something that caught your eye, his lock screen. Behind all the text notifications was a picture of you two. It was after the the first race of his you had ever come to watch. He had a not so great finish to the race and you knew he was going to be hard on himself. So when he made it back to the garage, you were there with arms wide open, a gesture he gladly accepted. Someone must have snapped a picture of you two and sent it to him.

It was a cute picture, but your head was trying to comprehend why he had it as his lock screen. You kept telling yourself that friends don't make pictures like that their lock screen. Then your mind went to the idea of him feeling the same way about you and you could feel your heart starting to race. You weren't going to get your hopes up, but as you put the phone back on the side table you couldn't help but hold on to a little sliver of hope.

It was getting close to race time so you grabbed your bags to get ready. Of course you put on some McLaren attire, specifically some with the number four on it. Just as you were putting on your shoes there was a knock on the door and Lando's head peaks in.

"Ready?" But when he notices you've got on not just any regular McLaren shirt, but his branded one, a small smirk forms on his face.

"Yep. Let's go." You head towards the door, but stop and grab his phone. "Oh wait. I think you might've forgotten this earlier."

His cheeks flush as you hand it over to him, he knows you had to have looked at it, he knows you saw his lock screen. "There it is. Was looking for it all over." He tried to act cool as he shoved it in his pocket.

Lando leads you all through the McLaren area and some people say hi, remembering you from some of the previous races you had attended. He talks to some of the team, and as you stand back and watch you can't help but admire him. How much dedication he puts in is insane and you hoped he would get that well deserved win soon. It wasn't long before the two of you headed back towards his room so he could get ready for the race. You knew he liked to spend this time alone, he had his traditions, so you lingered in the doorway.

"You need anything before I go?"

A confused expression washed over his face. "Go where?"

Now you had the confused expression. "I figured you'd want to be alone."

"Why would I fly you all the way out here to not spend time with you?" He scooted over on the couch making room for you next to him. "C'mere."

As you fully stepped into the room and closed the door, you could feel the mood in the room change. It felt even more strange when you sat next to him on the couch. You tried to make small talk to make it less awkward. "Nervous for the race?" You weren't even looking at him when you asked the question, which was a dumb one at that.

His fingers gently grabbed your chin. "Would you look at me?" Your head turned to face his, his fingers still lingered near your face. His eyes never leaving yours and you could feel your cheeks getting warm.

Your heart was nearly beating out of your chest. "Lan-"

"God you drive me crazy." His hand now had made a home on your thigh. "In a good way."

"Lando what are you doing?" If he thought you were driving him crazy, he should see how he's making you feel.

He paused, like he was trying to figure out what to say. "Putting my heart and today's race on the line."

Oh god

"Here goes nothing." He took a deep breath. "As much as it sounds like a cliche. I truly think I liked you from the very first time we met. I just didn't realize it until much later. Then I got into my head and figured you didn't feel the same about me as I did you. I tried to push those feelings aside, but as we started to spend more time together, they just kept growing. Then it got to the point where you were the only thing I could think of, only person I wanted to be around. You're my favorite person and one of my biggest supporters. The idea of you not being in my life, not being mine, drives me insane. I want you to be at every race, cheering me on, with my number on you." He glanced at the LN4 on your shirt then back up at you. "Looks like I've got one of those things accomplished already."

Your cheeks felt like they were on fire and as much as you wanted to spill your guts to him too, you were too stunned to speak. Lando tried to read your body language for any sign that you felt the same and after no response from you he started to get nervous. "God. I hope I didn't just fuck everything up between us."

The idea of him being scared shitless of rejection just like you was amusing to you and a grin had plastered itself onto your face. Then before you could even realize what you were doing you were practically in his lap, with your lips on his. His hands cupped your face as he kissed you back. God, did it feel amazing. You couldn't lie you had fantasized about kissing him many a times but you were happy to say the real thing was even better than you had imagined.

As the two of you pulled away both grinning like fools, he asked the question. "Now, are you gonna be mine? So when I win this race I can kiss my girlfriend and celebrate with my girlfriend?"

You simply replied. "Yes."

Things may have escalated at that point and the two of you may have been slightly making out until it was time for him to leave. As he gave you one final kiss as he left, you stayed seated on the couch, trying to collect yourself. The high you were riding was like no other and you pinched yourself to make sure what had just happened was real.

The giddiness was still at an all time high as you tried to focus on the race and you had to admit half the time you were thinking about kissing him again. There were only a couple laps left and Lando had been holding steady at P3 for quite some time now and as he entered the final lap you could hear some yelling from his team and then you saw it. He was inching to pass Lewis and Max and then all at once it happened. Lando was in the lead with the checkered flag in sight and within a second he had won his first F1 Grand Prix. Your chair went hurling backwards as you jumped up cheering. The whole McLaren team was yelling and celebrating.

Lando hurried to find you before he took the podium and when he saw you he ran towards you, of course you got your kiss as promised. Must have been the adrenaline because it was even better than before. "My good luck charm." He said before giving you one last kiss and hurrying off to the podium.

As you watched him take the top spot your heart swelled. It was a long time coming and you were beyond proud. You realized your life would never be the same, but with him by your side it was something to look forward to.

Summer - i think about summer, all the beautiful times. i watched you laughin' from the passenger's side and realized i loved you.

The past couple months had been a whirlwind. You honestly weren't sure how Lando did this for nine months out of the year. Between somehow still balancing work and then traveling on most of the weekends you were drained. Sure, you were nothing but grateful that you even got to tag along and experience these amazing places with your boyfriend. It's just that sometimes you craved just simple quality time between the two of you.

The past weekend had been a home race and luckily there was a gap week before the next race in Hungary. Lando promised you that this weekend would be filled with things that you wanted to do. You just hoped he didn't mind doing nothing.

The first day was great, the two of you basically just rotted in bed all day. It was nice to actually relax for once and you could tell Lando was taking full advantage of it. Although, by the afternoon of the next day you were both getting slightly antsy. Boredom, believe it or not had set in. Apparently you had become more accustomed to the busy lifestyle than you thought. You tried to occupy your brain with playing some games on your phone, but it did nothing for you. Lando had plopped down next to you on the couch with a sigh. You glanced over at him, boredom was written all over him.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but we-"

"Need to get the hell out of this place?" He was already up and putting on his shoes and tossing a pair of yours towards you before you could reply back. You hurried to put yours on as he was already heading towards the door.

"Where are we going?" You asked as you got into his car.

He gave you a small shrug. "Nowhere in particular"

Lando had one hand on the steering wheel and the other was already reaching out for your hand before you guys had even left the parking garage. As you intertwined your fingers with his you used your free hand to pick out some music. Lando always let you choose the music when you guys were in the car together. He did the driving and you were the dj. You liked to tease him that you were a better dj than he ever was, which always earned you some eye rolls.

You hadn't really been paying attention to the time, but by the beautiful pinks and oranges that were painted in the sky, you realized the sun was setting. You didn't mind though, you were having a good time. It had gotten to the point in the car ride though, where your music was just put on shuffle and it was always a fun guessing game to see what would pop up next. The opening chords to Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland came on and Lando was convinced he could sing both parts. By the end of the song both of you were out of breath. Him from trying to do both parts and failing, he couldn't even remember half the words, and you from laughing at him.

Golden hour cascaded through the car and as he laughed along with you he looked so perfect. If you could you would have framed this moment in time, so you would have it with you always.

As you pulled up to a red light he looked over at you a small smile on his face. "You know you're lucky I love you. No one gets away with poking fun at my singing."

Your heart skipped a beat. You guys hadn't said that you loved each other yet, but if you were to pick a moment this would have been a perfect one. You had been wanting to say it to him for awhile now, but once again was too scared to make the first move.

"Well I have never been so honoured than to be loved by the Lando Norris." You teased him.

He scoffed at you. "Oh knock it off."

You rolled your eyes as you leaned over the console. You got as close as you could to his lips without kissing him.

"I love you too." You whispered.

"You better."

His lips closed the gap within seconds, and his hand cupped the side of your face. It didn't last long though as the car behind you guys blared its horn. The two of you were too busy to see that the light had turned green.

"Oops." You laughed as you got situated back in your seat.

"Yeah yeah." Lando grumbled as he sped off.

The whole ride back to your place you couldn't wipe the smile you had off your face. You really were so head over heels in love with him. Looking back you were so glad that you got on that plane to Australia back in March. Who knows what your life would have been like right now if you hadn't. All you knew was that you loved him and you couldn't imagine your life without him.

Fall - how you held me in your arms that september night. the first time you ever saw me cry.

The Japan Grand Prix was this weekend and you were excited to be going. You had always wanted to visit Japan and what a better reason than to be supporting the man you loved. You even decided to fly in early with Lando to maybe go do some sight seeing.

The two of you spent the day exploring all that Japan had to offer. Even if it was just one day the two of you made the most of it. You did all the touristy stuff and between the two of you, a photo album probably could have been filled with all the pictures you took.

You walked hand in hand back to the hotel, feet aching from all the walking you had done today. As soon as you entered your room Lando collapsed onto the bed.

"I'm gonna be so tired for practice tomorrow." He was laying on his back with his hands behind his head. Which in turn caused his shirt to ride up exposing his toned stomach. Something that he knew drove you crazy. You kicked your shoes off and walked to the edge of the bed where he laid, smirking at you. That little shit knew what he was doing. Climbing onto the bed you straddled him, making sure to grind your hips a little as you sat on him. A groan escaped past his lips and now you were the one with a smirk on your face.

"I'm gonna give you something to actually be tired about tomorrow Norris." Your fingers trailed along his exposed skin and up under his shirt. You could feel him shiver under you and knowing the power you had over him always went straight through you. Although, your fun didn't last for long. You felt his hands grip your waist and just like that you were the one on your back as he hovered over you.

"I don't know about that." His voice was smooth and low and you knew you were in for it tonight.

When you awoke the next morning he was already gone for practice and the long night the two of you shared replayed in your head as you got ready for the day. If he thought he was tired last night you could only imagine what he felt like this morning.

The next two days went by pretty fast and before you knew it, it was race day. It had started like any other race day too. Over the past couple months Lando had created some new pre race traditions that included you. They weren't anything crazy, if anything they were super sweet. The one that you always liked was that he wanted you to be the last thing he saw before he got into the car. Now in reality that really wasn't possible he was going to see lots of other people, but he always made sure you were out there when he got into the car. And of course his number one priority, I love you's and good luck kisses.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The race was almost over and it had been a good one, if Lando could hold his position he'd likely finish P2. There were four laps to go and as you watched the screen closely you saw something that made your blood run cold. You weren't even sure how it happened, but one second Lando's coming towards a left turn and the next his car is flipping.

It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. You could see the team freaking out trying to get in contact with him, but the loud ringing in your ears made the once noisy environment silent. You could feel yourself start to hyperventilate as you saw the red flag being waved on the screen.

You hadn't even realized you were crying until someone from the team came over snapping you out of your trance.

"Is he okay? Please tell me he's ok!"

"We haven't been able to get in contact with him. We think the comms got damaged in the crash. They are working on getting him out now."

The state of his car on the screen made you sick to your stomach. It was all mangled and the longer it took for them to get him out the sicker you felt. The tears just wouldn't stop falling, worst case scenario kept replaying in your mind.

After a couple more painfully long minutes you see what you would call a miracle pop up on the screen. They've gotten Lando out and he's walking. Well walking as best as he can with two people on either side of him, but he's alive. Relieved sighs and thank gods are heard from his team.

You don't even have time to try and collect yourself because within a matter a seconds you're whisked away by someone on the team that you've never met and being shoved into the backseat of a car. "Wait I want to see him! Let me see him!"

"He's already on the way to the hospital. You'll see him there." Before you could respond the door is shut in your face.

Rude.

The drive to the hospital took forever. You were positive you had gotten every red light and to top it off were stuck in standstill traffic at least twice. It seemed like the only thing going fast was your mind. Even though you saw him up, that still didn't mean he couldn't have serious injuries.

The car hadn't even come to a complete stop at the hospital and you were opening the door and hightailing it towards the entrance. Thankfully there was someone from the team waiting for you to arrive, but as you approached them you prepared yourself for the worst.

"Please tell me he's okay." You could feel the tears start to well up again.

As they guided you towards his room they explained his condition. "Overall he's fine. He's pretty banged up, no serious internal injuries or broken bones though. I'd say we all witnessed a miracle today. Thank god for the halos."

They stopped outside a door, the one you assumed Lando was on the other side of. "He's still pretty out of it, but he has been asking for you. So that's a good sign." You glanced at the door, funny how you couldn't wait to see him, but now that the time has finally arrived, you were almost scared to open the door. "Go on." The team member nodded for you to enter the room.

You took a deep breath before slowly opening the door. For some reason you thought, maybe he wouldn't be in there. That this was all just a bad dream, but there he was. He was asleep, his chest slowly rising and falling. The sight of him in the hospital bed and finally processing what happened an hour ago hit you all at once and the tears just wouldn't stop coming. You tried be quiet, the last thing you wanted to do was wake him up. You slipped back out the door as you tried to collect yourself. People walking past gave you concerned glances as you sat against the wall with your head in in your hands.

Once the tears had subsided you quietly entered the room again, but to your surprise he was awake. His eyes lit up when he saw you. "Hi baby." He had reached his hand out to you.

You smiled at the term of endearment and took his hand in yours. Your eyes scanned over him, looking for any serious injuries. He had some scrapes and obvious bruises, but nothing that looked too bad. You seriously didn't know how he got this lucky. "You scared the shit out of me Lan. I thought I had lost you."

There they were again, the tears. You had tried to quickly wipe them away, but Lando had beat you to it. His hand gently cupped your face as he thumb wiped away your tears. "Don't cry. I don't like seeing my girl cry." He whispered.

This in turn made you cry more.

Lando tried to console you. "Baby. I'm fine. I promise. Honestly you can't get rid of me that easily." He patted the slightly empty space next to him in the bed. You were unsure, you didn't want to hurt him or make him uncomfortable. "Come on. I think some love from my love is just what the doctor ordered."

You slowly climbed onto the bed next to him, but as you tried to snuggle in close to him he winced. You immediately sat up, ready to sit in the chair next to the bed. "It's fine. It's fine. I just have some bruised ribs." You gave him a questioning look, like you didn't believe him. "That's all it was. I promise. Now please come here." He tugged on your the hem of your shirt. "I want to hold you."

Somehow the two of you made it work in the small hospital bed, but you still weren't entirely convinced this was a good idea. Although you couldn't lie and say it didn't feel nice to be in his arms. It was the one place where you always felt safe and felt comfort. You traced small designs on his arm, something you knew that brought him peace.

You felt him place a kiss on the top of your head. "I love you."

Hearing him say those three words was something you swore you would never get tired of hearing. You raised your head to look at him, and leaned up to press a kiss to his lips. "I love you more."

The two of you sat in silence for some time before Lando spoke up.

"I've got to ask you something and I need you to be so honest with me."

You rolled your eyes playfully, already knowing what his question was going to be. "Don't worry pretty boy, your face doesn't have a single scratch on it."

He let out a deep sigh. "Oh thank god."

If there was one thing you had learned from being with Lando for these past six months was that there was never a dull moment with him. Even after near death experiences he still knew how to somehow lighten the mood. Although, it was something you were thankful for, because after a day like you had, you truly don't know what you would do if he wasn't in your life.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Winter - then the cold came, the dark days. when fear crept into my mind. you gave me all your love and all i gave you was goodbye

Off season had arrived around a week ago. A time that you had looked forward to for months was finally here and you were miserable. Well, perhaps you weren't miserable, but mentally you were struggling.

It had all started in October, a couple weeks after Lando's crash. An article had gotten spread around that you were cheating on him with Charles. Someone had gotten ahold of a picture of you and Charles leaving from a dinner party. You guys had decided to leave out the back after hearing about all the paparazzi out front. As you guys exited the building you gave Charles a hug goodbye. It wasn't something uncommon between you two, you guys had become close friends over the year.

What the two of you didn't know though is that there was a pap hiding in the back, just hoping for a moment like the one you guys had just given him. The pap had taken the picture at just the right angle and far away enough that it looked like you and Charles were kissing. Did the pap think to take a picture of Lando who was right behind you and Charles? Or take a picture of Charles and Lando saying goodbye? No. All they wanted was a story to sell.

That next morning when you saw the article you couldn't help but laugh and Lando did the same exact thing when you showed him. Although the laughter stopped when you scrolled through Twitter. You had always had a good relationship with the fans, and the media left you alone really up until recently. Sure there were gonna be some fans that just didn't like you. It was just something that came with the territory of dating someone like Lando. It was something that never bothered you, but as you scrolled through Twitter all you saw was hateful tweet after hateful tweet.

You couldn't believe that people actually thought you were cheating on Lando. Gold-digger was used quite frequently in the insulting comments. You just tried to shake it off, people would eventually get over it. Lando and you knew it wasn't true and that was all that mattered. Though the straw that would break the camel's back would come two months later.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Social media hadn't been that bad recently, maybe people were feeling the holiday spirit and had decided to lay off you for a while. As you scrolled through your notifications you noticed had gotten tagged in a tweet a couple times. You figured it was probably just another fake tabloid, but clicked on it anyways.

when's Y/N gonna realize her time with lando is ticking.... he can never make it past 10 months with a girl. probably already scoping out someone new on insta.

the way all his past relationships have ended the same way lmao. it's like he sees that one year anniversary and says i gotta go!

You rolled your eyes as you locked your phone, tossing it next to you on the couch. Why couldn't people just stay out of your relationship?

The more you sat on the couch the more the little gears in your head turned. You had never really asked or did any digging on Lando's past relationships. You never really had a reason to, and you didn't want to compare yourself to some undoubtedly beautiful women. But here you were getting back on your phone and going down the rabbit hole. You didn't want what people were saying to be true, but the more you dug, the more it was confirmed. What a lovely thing to have constantly in the back of your mind now.

Christmas was in almost a week and your birthday not to long after that. You had been trying to just focus on the upcoming holidays and not that little nagging in the back of your head about Lando leaving you. That was easier said than done. He had been distant recently and you just knew what was coming. It broke your heart because you had so looked forward to spending the holidays with him, but it seemed like he was always busy. You gave him the benefit of the doubt when he said he was going to do some extra training during the off season to come back even stronger after his crash, but how much training could you do.

You would text him and not get a response for hours or you would ask him if he wanted to go do something and he was busy training or with his friends already. You wouldn't consider yourself clingy, but the fact that you hadn't seen him once the week leading up to Christmas was causing you to spiral. You shouldn't have been so stupid enough to get involved with someone like Lando. Should have known before you guys even got together that he would get bored of you. Every version of self doubt entered your mind as you sat on the couch staring at the Christmas tree in the corner.

It was Friday December 22nd when you broke your own heart and Lando's.

You've had enough. You were going to break it off. Be done. Rather break it off now on your terms than be blindsided by him. You pulled your phone out to text him.

You: Hey, can you come over today?

For the first time in weeks he responded in a timely manner.

Lan: Yes, I was just about to text you asking If you were going to be home today. I need to talk to you.

There it was. He needed to talk to you.

About and hour later he had shown up. You were in your room putting away some laundry when you heard him clear his throat from behind you. You took a second to compose yourself before turning around to look at him.

"Hey." You said softly.

"Hey."

You sat down on the edge of your bed, you weren't sure how you should go about this. You felt sick to your stomach, was this the right thing to do? You were about to ruin the best thing that ever happened to you.

When Lando sat down next to you you felt like all the air in the room had disappeared.

He shifted his body to face you and took your hands in his. Here it comes you thought.

"So I-"

As soon as he began to speak you cut him off.

"We should break up."

His eyebrows furrowed and have you a confused look. "Sorry. What?"

"I'm breaking up with you." You swallowed thickly, you could feel that familiar lump forming in your throat. You couldn't read his face at all, it was almost like he was emotionless. Your looked down at your still intertwined hands. "I'm breaking up with you Lan. I know you're bored of me. So it's better to just get it over with now. I know that's why you came over today." You pulled your hands away from his.

His eyes shifted down to his now empty hands, then back up to your eyes. Shaking his head as he got up from your bed, he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. "What are you talking about 'that's why I came over today?'"

"Don't play dumb Lan, I-"

He scoffed. "You don't get to call me that as you're breaking my fucking heart."

You felt the first tear slide down you cheek. "I know about all your past relationships. How you can't stay with someone for longer than ten months. You get bored and you were clearly getting bored with me."

He threw his hands up in the arm, he was getting mad. "Why would I be getting bored of you? And what does my past relationships have to do with US?"

"People on twitter-"

His face was red and he was talking (yelling) with his hands. "Oh my god! Here we go! I told you, especially after the Charles thing to just stay clear of social media. All they do is get into your head!"

Now you were up, voice rising to match his. This wasn't going to end pretty. "Well sorry I didn't have my boyfriend here to reassure me. To tell me that it wasn't true! Christmas is in three goddamn days and I've barely seen you!" You were sure to be getting a noise complaint later.

"I've been busy!"

Your arms were now crossed. "Busy finding someone new?"

Lando thought his head was going to explode. Where the hell has all this come from? "Jesus Christ! I haven't been cheating on you! All that shit on twitter is just stuff to try and get between us. Which it clearly did it's job."

The tears were falling pretty steadily by now and you could see Lando wipe away a few of his own. "If you weren't cheating or planning on leaving me than what were you doing? What was so important that you couldn't barely be bothered to see me recently?"

He threw his hands up in defeat. "It was a fucking surprise! I had came over today to tell you, I couldn't keep it a secret any longer. I planned an early birthday surprise dinner for you tomorrow and at the party I was going to give you your gift that I had been working out too. That's why I had been so distant. I didn't want to ruin something I had worked so hard on."

Lando had sat back down on you bed, his head in his hands. You just stood there, flabbergasted. How could you be so fucking stupid? You had just ruined the best thing in your life over some stupid doubts.

"What was the gift?" You asked softly.

"Two weeks in Italy. We'd leave the day after Christmas. Spend your birthday in paradise." He looked you dead in the eye. "Only the best for the love of my life."

You felt like you couldn't breathe. What the fuck did you just do? You knew there was no coming back from this.

"Why didn't you just come to me about your doubts?" Lando asked.

You shrugged. "The seed was already so deeply planted and you weren't coming around even when I asked."

"Yeah, well maybe if you would have stayed off social media this wouldn't have happened." He was back to be shitty and that meant so were you.

"Well maybe I'm glad I didn't. So now I don't have to deal with people hating me for just loving you. Or people constantly invading my private life. I want to be free to do whatever I want! Without worrying if it will tarnish your image or create drama!"

His eyes narrowed at you, you clearly struck a nerve. "You're unbelievable you know that? I loved you with all my fucking heart and I can't help that what I do for a living puts the people I love in the public eye! I tried to protect you from it, believe me I did. So I'm sorry for being a burden on your freedom." You had never seen him so mad before, so hurt. It hurt you even more knowing you were the one who caused it.

His words stung, you didn't mean for what you said to come out that way. "Lan-" He had started to walk out of your room and you tried to grab his arm, but he just yanked it away from you.

"No, please, go enjoy your new found freedom."

Seconds later your apartment door slams shut and your left standing in your room a heartbroken idiot. That night was filled with many tears, a bottle of wine, a long facetime call to your best friend, and some more tears as your scrolled through pictures of the two of you on your phone.

The next morning hit you like a freight train. Your head was pounding you weren't sure if it was from the wine or the sobbing, probably a combination of both. You shuffled to the living room and stopped in your tracks when you noticed the bouquet of roses on the coffee table. You picked up the notecard and the crying started all over again as you read it.

For my love, Happy early birthday baby! I love you more than you'll ever know. I don't know how I got so lucky to have someone like you in my life. You're my best friend, my number 1 supporter, and the best girlfriend I could ever ask for. -Love Lando

God, you had fucked up so badly. How could you ever think a man so in love with you like he was, was planning on leaving you? The part that hurt the most was that you still loved him. You loved him so much it made you sick. You only did what you did to protect yourself and look at where it got you. A broken heart that you were sure was beyond fixable. The only person who would be able to fix it, just had his broken by you. Maybe you should quit your day job and just become a professional heartbreaker, it was something you were clearly good at.

Christmas and your birthday were beyond shitty that year and the roses he gave you had died on your birthday, how fitting you had thought. After the holidays is when you fell into your self loathe spiral that had been going on for three months now. You thought back to December all the time. How you wished you could fix things, but you had never thought that was a possibility until you saw Lando at that party.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Present

You still nervously picked at your fingernails, you wanted to badly to try and make things right, or at least tell him you were sorry. Fuck it you thought. You swallowed your pride and turned towards him to speak.

"I'm sorry about that day Lando." There was no comment from him, so you just kept going and once you started you couldn't stop. "I think about it all the time. I wish I could turn back time, and somehow change my mind or at least change what happened. I would have came to you with my doubts or when you came over that day I would have let you speak and not interrupted you."

Still no response from him, he just watched you intently. "And to answer your question earlier about my freedom... it's just been filled with missing you."

You took a deep breath before continuing to speak. "I still love you, and I know you probably hate me. And this is me just wishfully thinking, but I hope you would give me a second chance in the future. I know you didn't deserve what I put you through. I'm sorry, so sorry."

Your heart was beating so fast and you felt like you could throw up. You prayed he felt the same way and he would hold you in his arms and tell you that it was ok. That things could go back to the way they were before you fucked everything up, but that only happens in fairy tales or romance movies. Two things your life is not.

Lando sighed, took one final swig of his beer, and got up off the lounge chair. And for the second time, you watched him walk out of your life.

[avastrasposts]

Bona Dea - a Marcus Acacius story

Complete brain rot, this story has been in my head since last summer, just needed his name and his status. I'm yeeting this out there tonight even though I said I'd post it tomorrow. I'm too excited, I want to share!

8.6k - porn with a smidgen of plot, mentions of slavery and prostitution if someone wants to avoid that. Some Latin (explanations under the cut)

Enjoy!

Thermae - bath house

Caldarium - the hot pool in the bath house

Servi - slave or servant

Leno - pimp

Lupanarium - brothel

Domina - lady

Dominus - lord

Amita - aunt

Stola - a female dress

Meretrix - a high class prostitute

Concubinus - concubine

Carrisime - dear, beloved, a term of endearment

magnus - greatest

Puella - young woman

Futuo - Fuck

The town had no name, at least not in his mind. Somewhere to the north, where his army was camped for the next few days, a respite for the soldiers before the last march back to Rome. This close to the capital of the empire, there was no need for them to dig in, but he made them do it anyway. Erect the palisade, dig the ditches, Marcus Acacius was proud of the show of Roman military discipline they put on for the peasants in this backwards corner of the empire’s countryside. 

But being this close to Rome meant he and the highest ranking officers could have the luxury of staying in one of the town’s villas. It was nothing compared to the one he resided at in Rome, but for a few nights, it would do. And the local thermae proved adequate, the hot water flowing freely in the caldarium, filling the pool and relaxing his aching muscles. They, he and his officers, had enjoyed a few hours relaxing, taking the opportunity to get properly clean after many weeks' march. Only one last stretch, and then they would all be home. For a while at least, until the emperors decided on a new war, a new part of the empire to conquer and subjugate. 

“I’ll see you later,” he gave a wave to his closest allies, as they exited the bath without him. Acacius was determined to make the most of the hot water and leaned back, stretching out his long legs, flexing his tired muscles. It would be a few more long weeks on horseback before he could do this again. But the next time, it would be at home, and he couldn’t wait to get to it. 

With a groan he sat up and twisted his body, loosening the tight joints of his back before he slowly made his way out of the hot pool and into the cooler parts of the thermae. When he stepped out onto the street again, he felt refreshed, muscles loose and his body clean. He took a long, deep breath. 

“Gallio, go back to the villa, see to it that all is in order for tomorrow's feast,” he said, dismissing his slave without a backwards glance. His servi bowed and hurried off, while Acacius started walking in the opposite direction. He’d seen the tell tale signs of a high class brothel while they rode into town, and he had every intention of finding it and paying for a warm cunt to sink himself into, a good end to the day.  

The sun was sinking behind the town’s wall and the warm December day was starting to cool as he made his way through the narrow streets, following the phallic signs on the walls. The heavy wool of his cloak was welcome now, and he wrapped it around himself. The streets had been crowded before, now they were almost empty, and he found it odd that everyone would step inside so early in the evening. But the door of the brothel was still open and a warm glow came from within as he stepped through the door. 

“Leno!” he called out to the pimp who would run any brothel of this standard, and a man appeared from behind a doorway and regarded him with wide eyes. 

“General, what are you doing here? I have no girls tonight!” the man said, spotting his rank with just a swift glance at his attire. “And I sent home all the males and I was just about to close the doors.” 

Acacius frowned at the man, “Why are you closing up? And where are the girls?” 

“Bona Dea, general,” the leno said, his face apologetic, “All the women of the town are celebrating her tonight.” 

“You gave all the whores the night off just for Bona Dea?” Acacius asked. He knew the festival well of course, it was celebrated all across the peninsula, but the rites and rituals were secret to men, so he only knew that the women of his family would attend the temple and leave the men at home. “Do you not expect any male customers tonight?” 

“General, I apologise, I didn’t give them the night off, they took it, nothing can stop the women of this town from celebrating Bona Dea. And beg your pardon, general, but you should hurry back to your quarters. No man should walk the street after dark on Bona Dea. The women have free rein to do as they wish with any man they find out of doors on this night.” 

“What do you mean, leno? Free rein?” 

Acacius regarded the nervous looking pimp, he was shuffling from foot to foot as he twisted his hands, glancing nervously at the increasingly darker street. 

“Just that, general, free rein. Any man they find, they can do what they want with, rob him, mutilate him, fuck him, or make him fuck someone else, or something. I’ve heard of a man who was made to fuck a goat while the women stood around and laughed, drinking wine, getting drunk and pissing themselves. And no one can do or say anything about it. What happens during Bona Dea, they can’t be punished for, it’s the law.” 

“No law I’ve ever heard of,” Acacius scoffed, “and I’d like to see them try anything with a Roman general.” 

“With all due respect, general, you’re only carrying your pugio, and by law, you can’t harm them, only do as they command. It’s the law of Bona Dea,” the leno glanced at the door again but Acacius just shook his head and turned to leave. 

“They’re only women, I think I can handle myself.” 

“Against a handful, yes. But they roam in packs, twenty, thirty, I’ve heard them pull on the door here and cackle like witches. They can take down even a large man like yourself and then you*ll be at their mercy,” the leno was all but ushering Acacius out onto the street now as he started closing the door. 

“I may enjoy that, my cock was expecting a whore tonight, maybe I’ll have to find one of your runaway girls and make her have her way with me,” Acacius grinned at the nervous looking leno, who just gave him a quick bow, before the door to the brothel closed. 

“Bona Dea….” Acacius chuckled, “a night when women can do as they please? What kind of backwards country hovel is this place?”

He wrapped the cloak around himself again and set out towards the villa, maybe he would find some woman on the way, but he certainly wasn’t about to traipse around this town in search of one. Let them have their festival, he would settle for one of the slave girls at the villa. 

Night had truly fallen now, and the narrow streets were dark, very little light found its way down to where he tried to navigate the uneven surface. The lamp holders were unlit, even the men usually responsible for that seemed to be shying away from their duties on this night. With a curse Accacius tripped and nearly fell as he rounded a corner. The scabbard of his pugio clattered against the rough stones as he caught the edge of the building just in time. He pulled himself up and wiped his hands, stepping closer to the side of the street, putting his hand on the wall for guidance. 

“Futuo,” he hissed, fumbling his way forward in the dark, the only blessing being that this town seemed to be too small for the street gangs that would’ve plagued any street this dark in Rome. 

He came to a sudden stop as a door swung open a little bit further down the street, light spilling out and illuminating the uneven paving. 

“Hey there, keep the door open!” he called to whomever had provided the light, “It’s pitch black out here and I’ve got no torch.” Hurrying his steps now that he could see more of where he was going, he approached the open door. A shadow moved just inside, the shape of a person, and he thought he heard the giggle of a girl. Thinking nothing of it, he stepped into the rectangle of light and was blinded by the shine of a bright oil lamp. Unseen arms wound around his own and he suddenly felt himself pulled, yanked, in through the door, as female laughter erupted around him. Soft hands grabbed his body as he blinked to regain his vision, but before he could see, someone slipped a cloth over his eyes and the world was plunged into darkness again, a tight knot being tied at the back of his head. 

He chuckled, Bona Dea indeed, and decided to play along, feeling female hands pulling him, guiding him, into the house. 

“We found one!” a young woman called in excitement as he felt the air change, and he was led into a room. “A man foolish enough to be out on the streets!” 

The room erupted into delighted, tipsy, laughter. The smell of sweet wine hung heavy in the air and the alcoholic breath of the women nearest him lingered in his nose. 

“Tie him up, don’t let him see us,” came a command from what sounded like an older woman, “and let’s decide what to do with him.” 

Acacius felt himself pushed into the room and his arms were forced behind his back. This was not something he was willing to accept and he shook his broad form, easily discarding whomever was trying to restrain him. 

“Hold!” came the voice of the older woman again, and the woman trying to tie his hands went still behind him. 

“General, you know the rules of this night, you are ours until the sun comes up, you must obey our every order and may not hinder or harm us in any way. That is the law of Bona Dea.” 

Acacius felt equal measure anger and lust rise inside him. He was not a man used to being ordered around, tied up, not in control. But another, more base instinct, was fighting for space inside him, his cock hardening at the idea of being at these women’s mercy if they chose to use him. Not being in control for once, seeing what women would do if he let them use him as he often used the whores at the lupanarium. As long as they didn’t make him fuck a goat, he could see this as enjoyable evening. 

“Apologise, domina,” Acacius said, bowing his head towards the source of the voice, “I will follow the law of Bona Dea.” 

“If that is the case, we will not need to restrain you, general. Leave his hands untied.” 

The last was said to the room and behind him, Acacius heard the woman who had tried to bind his hands together, step back. 

“Bring him to the centre, let us see what kind of specimen the goddess has brought us.” 

Delighted cheers broke out at this, all around him. The room seemed to hold at least ten or so women, and they were clearly excited by the prospect of having a man under their control for the night. 

The woman at his back took hold of his arm and guided him forward, presumably to the spot where he could be seen by all the women. He could hear tittering, giggling whispers as he was left to stand, unseeing, surrounded by them all. 

“Remove his clothes, but be careful. We do not wish to send our general home tomorrow morning with his attire in shambles.” 

A shiver of trepidation, he refused to believe it was fear or nerves, shot through his body, at the words of the unknown woman. The soft shuffling of bare feet on a mosaic floor could be heard as at least two women approached him. Soon deft hands were removing first his cloak and then his belt. Someone knelt and untied his sandals, making him lift his feet as they slipped off. The skin on his abdomen pebbled as his tunic was removed, exposed to the air of the room, even though it was warm. 

The knowledge of unseen eyes on him, as the last of his vestures were removed, was an unsettling feeling. He squared his broad shoulders and straightened his back. If they wanted to see him naked, let them see all of his hardened soldier’s body, he had nothing to hide. What scars and disfigurements he had, he carried with pride as they showed the world what he had done for Rome. 

You stood at the top of the circle, in front of the Roman general who was now stripped of all his clothes, the blindfold the only piece of cloth on him. The younger girls were pleased with what they saw, appreciative hums and gasps were heard from around the room and you could see their excited faces. 

“He’s a fine one, good catch, Julia!” a younger woman exclaimed and she was joined by the voices of others agreeing. 

You could only give them right, he was a fine specimen. A general in the mould of the likes of the great Caesar, kept fit by his army life, living the same life as his soldiers. Not going soft and weak with age like those who turned to politics and intrigue. The man in front was standing tall, his long arms hanging relaxed by his sides, only a slight twitch in his fingers betraying something of his nerves. The golden skin was decorated by scars, old injuries, but gleamed under the light of the oil lamps. By the looks of it, and by the scent of the thermae, he’d been at the bath house before stumbling down the dark street outside your house. 

“What shall we do with him?” you asked, your voice lower, holding a promise and making the giggling of the other women die down. You took a few steps forward in the now quiet room, standing in front of him, taking in his clean scent and the way his still damp hair curled around his ears. You had to look up to properly regard what you could see of his face, he was a tall man, a proud Roman nose, a strong jaw, a handsome face even though you couldn’t see his eyes. 

“How shall we use him? Hmmm?”  

Bringing your hand up and gently touching his chin, the soft scruff of his beard tickled the tips of your fingers. The man didn’t flinch when you touched him, and it made you smile. He had been prepared for your touch, expecting you to explore his body. With slow movements you traced his jaw, down his thick neck, his wide shoulders and down over his chest. Glancing down, you saw his cock hardening, already rising up from between his thighs. 

“Oh, he likes that!” Julia exclaimed behind you, and the room erupted in giggles as the women closed the circle and shuffled closer to see. 

“How would you like to be used, general?” you mused, unable to keep the smile out of your voice at his obvious excitement, and in response, you saw the corner of his lip quirk up. 

“I am yours for the night, domina,” he replied, bowing his head to you again. 

Biting back a smile, you glanced at Julia who was standing at your shoulder, her eyes shining with elation. 

“Shall we see how much he likes it?” you asked her and she nodded, a giggle bubbling up through her. 

“Touch him, amita, make him hard for us.” 

The soft hand that had been exploring his chest slipped down and caressed his belly. He could feel fingernails trailing through the hairs on his stomach, sending a shiver of pleasure down to his cock. It filled with blood and he swallowed back a groan as the woman’s fingers traced the outline of it, an easy touch designed to torment him. 

“Let us hear your pleasure, general,” the woman said, her sensuous voice close to his ear now, the warmth of her body radiating over his skin, “I want to hear what sounds you make when you fuck your favourite meretrix.” 

Her filthy words made him groan again, just as her hand closed around his cock, holding it firm in her warm grip. 

“I like hearing your voice, general. I wonder if I can make you beg for release before this night is over? How hard can we make you before we allow you to spill your seed?” 

The words were matched with a slow stroke of his shaft, holding him firmly, twisting as it reached the tip. Her thumb smeared a drop of liquid over his sensitive head and he gritted his teeth, jaw clenching. 

He felt her move, her hand coming up to grip his jaw, firmly, but not with any pain. 

“Don’t hold back, if you hold back, we’ll make you suffer longer. Let us hear you,” the woman said, loud enough for the room to hear, and he heard the other women agree, telling him to be loud, to let them know how much he enjoyed it. 

He gave a short nod, and she gave his cock a firm stroke before letting go. 

“Cornelia, bring me the olive oil, let’s make this easier for him.” 

Another woman moved in the room and he heard the stopper of an amphora being pulled out. A few seconds passed and then her hand returned to his cock, slick and warmer than before, coated in oil. He didn’t hold back his loud groan when she covered him with the liquid. Firm, slow strokes filling his cock with blood, making it pulse and ache in that familiar, pleasurable way. 

Tilting his head back, he panted, cursing under his breath. Whoever this was, she knew how to stroke a man, a slight twist of her wrist as she came to the tip, pulling back his foreskin as she slid her hand down again. 

“Domina….” he groaned, “domina…”

His breathless moan was met by delighted cheers and he felt his neck heat up, self consciousness washed over him and he dropped his head down onto his chest. 

“Now, now, girls,” the woman said, her hand steadily stroking him, keeping him hard and full, “we want him to give us as much pleasure as possible tonight, let’s appreciate the service he’s giving us and make sure he enjoys himself too.” 

You stepped back from him, just a small step, and let go of his cock. It was a glorious thing, and you even doubted the younger women in the room were experienced enough to appreciate how well endowed he was. He’d filled up rapidly, and now it stood straight out from his tatch of dark curls, thick and weeping, hard as silk covered steel. By comparison, your husband’s member was a pitiful sight, even when erect. 

You took a moment to admire him where he stood, his arms still hanging by his sides, his hands now balled into fists. A red flush had risen on his chest and neck, the beating of his heart was thrumming under his skin, and as you watched, the tip of his tongue came out and licked his lips, a gasp escaping him. 

“Maybe we should give you some small treat too, seeing as you’re giving us your handsome body to play with,” you mused, putting your hand on his firm shoulder. His skin was warm to the touch, and you let your hand slide down along his arm, gently squeezing the hard muscles. You couldn’t resist touching him, he was like a god come to life, maybe even Mars in disguise. 

Taking his hand in yours, you brought it to your own shoulder, using his hand to push the shoulder strap of your stola to the side. The garment was loose, the same simple cloth you all wore on this night, all signs of your social status removed as you celebrated Bona Dea. But it also meant his hand met your skin as he pushed the fabric over your shoulder. The rough fingers were warm and he seemed to hesitate when he felt the stola slip to the side. With a swift movement, you undid the clasp on the other shoulder and let the whole thing fall to the floor, the buckle clattering as it hit the mosaic. You saw him shift his head, hearing the sound and interpreting it correctly. You took hold of his hand again, guiding it to your breast. A smile broke out on your face as you watched his reaction to finding your budding nipple under his palm. His tongue came out again, a quick swipe over his lips, as he inhaled. Letting him feel his way around, you watched him weigh your breast in his hand, thumb gliding over your nipple, making you briefly close your eyes. 

“Show us how you make your meretrix wet enough for your cock, make me ready for you, concubinus,” you hummed, wondering how this powerful general would react to being addressed as one of the pretty men who were kept by some wealthy ladies. His hand stilled on your breast, holding it firm, and you could swear he was searching for your eyes through the darkness of his blindfold. He licked his lips again, and bent his head. The heat of his mouth closed around your nipple as his tongue lapped over it. A whimper came from you, seeing this man bend to your will, doing as you asked. 

“Does it feel good, amita?” Julia asked in a breathless voice behind you, her tone was laced with need, you could hear the arousal coursing through her veins as she watched the general suck at your breast. 

“He’s certainly talented with his mouth,” you replied, the laughter in your voice replaced by a moan when he tugged gently at your nipple, sending a jolt of pleasure to your core. The man hummed in response, moving his mouth to your other breast as his hand fell to your hip. Caressing it with firm motions, he slipped it down over your soft belly, cupping your cunt with his hand. The breath caught in your throat as he pushed a thick finger between your folds, making you jerk your hips into his hand as he easily pushed into the wet heat that had gathered at the apex of your thighs. 

“Domina….” he muttered against your breast, “you are well and truly wet enough for my cock already. Can I give it to you?” 

He heard her swallow at his words, her hand coming up and slipping into the hair at the back of his head, the slight sting more pleasurable then he would’ve thought. With a gentle tug she pulled him off her breast, he let her hard pebble slip from his mouth and reluctantly pulled his hands from her cunt when she stepped back from him. 

“Let us all be undressed,” she said to the women in the room, “lay him on the floor and make use of this hard cock that the goddess has blessed us with.” 

“But he can’t come!” one of the women said, her voice a drunken giggle, “We need that cock hard for all of us!”

“You can barely stand, Cassia, too much wine in such a small girl,” another woman called out, and was met by loud laughter and he could hear Cassia laugh with them. 

“More wine while we watch!” she called, “Who shall ride him first?” 

Acacius felt two pairs of hands pull him down, guiding him gently onto soft bedding. As he tipped his head back, someone adjusted his blindfold, making sure he couldn’t see anything but darkness. It was a strange feeling, flat on his back, his cock hard and weeping, hearing the unknown women move around him as their stolas fell to the floor around him. 

“Julia, you caught him, you should have the first ride,” a woman said and the rest joined in, cheering on Julia who was giggling as she knelt beside him. He could feel her hands on his abdomen when she straddled his legs. 

“He’s so big!” she exclaimed and his hips jerked up as her hand closed around his already aching cock, “Much bigger than Appius!”

“Remember, he can’t come,” the older woman chuckled close by, she seemed to be kneeling behind his head, “How should we punish him if he does?” 

There was a murmur among the women as they tossed ideas over his head, someone suggested he’d be made to fuck a goat as soon as he was hard again and he thought he might never get hard if that was the prospect. 

“No, poor goat,” the older woman laughed, “What has it done to deserve that?” 

Acacius silently let a relieved sigh slip out, someone suggested he’d be covered in garum, another thought he should be made to run a gauntlet through the room, that he thought he’d easily manage. 

“Why not let everyone know he was foolish enough to venture out on Bona Dea?” Julia said from her position straddling his thighs. “Take his clothes and let him make his way back to his quarters with this glorious body on display for the whole town? We can send a slave to the encampment with his clothes later on.”

The room erupted in cheers and it was agreed to be the punishment. Acacius gritted his teeth, he could easily imagine the looks of his soldiers, the ribbing he’d get from his officers, if that was to happen. He would have to use every trick in the book to keep himself from coming. Already he felt the familiar tingling in his crotch as the woman called Julia shifted above him. Her hand was firmly wrapped around his cock and when the head met the heat of her cunt, he groaned. Slowly, whimpering at the size of him, she sank down, rocking her hips to take more. 

“Gods, he is so thick,” she panted, her hands flat on his belly as she carefully lifted her hips, letting him slip out before she sank down again. 

Acacius bit down on his lips and hissed out a long breath, “Puella, can I touch you, I want to hold onto your hips, let me fuck you better than your Appius.” 

“You can touch me everywhere, concubinus,” she moaned in response, taking one of his hands in her own and firmly placing it on her breast. He let the other find her hip, gripping on to the soft flesh, he bucked his hips up into her. Her answering cry of pleasure made him bite his tongue, staving off the pressure building in his balls. Squeezing her tits, rolling the hard nipples under his fingers, he continued to fuck up into her, making her bounce on him, he could feel the soft slap of her ass every time she dropped back down. Soon she was moaning loudly, crying out for him and he let his hand slip from her breast, finding the little pearl at the top of her cunt that gave women so much pleasure. With deft fingers he caressed it, his cock twitching as she responded to his touch, whimpering above him. 

“Gods, I’m…” she gasped, her voice giving out as the walls of her cunt gripped his cock, and every muscle in her body froze. She sobbed as she trembled above him, her hand batting away his fingers from her cunt, and he softened the rolls of his hips, fucking her through the waves of her orgasm. 

With a breathless giggle she finally stilled on him, “Sisters, help me up, my legs have no strength,” she laughed and he felt the weight of her lifted from his hips. 

“My turn!” someone called from beside him and the room erupted into laughter. 

“Give him a moment to calm down,” the older woman said with a smile, still close to his head, and he felt her hand on his shoulder as her voice came close to his ear.

“How is your stamina, general?” she asked in a soft voice, the warmth of her breath against his ear even more tortuous than the feeling of Julia’s cunt on his cock. He was hoping she’d fuck him before the night was over, the very thought of how wet she’d been, made him clench his jaw. 

“Still strong enough for these girls, domina, I will save my load for your wet cunt,” he whispered in reply. The tightening of her grip on his shoulder made him smile, he couldn’t see her, but he knew his words had made her press her thighs together at the thought of taking his cock. 

“More wine!” someone called and cups were raised, some wine being spilled onto the floor with sighs and giggles. 

“I might have to offer you my cunt in the end,” his domina, as he was starting to think of her as, whispered back to him, “Most of these girls are too drunk to be of any use.”

“Alba, take your turn,” Julia’s voice called, “And come join me to recover afterwards.” 

The woman named Alba laughed and he felt her legs swing over his hips. She wasted no time closing her hand around his cock, spreading Julia’s arousal even more thoroughly over him. 

“I wonder if he tastes as good as he looks?” she asked and as her mouth closed around the head of him, he groaned loudly, gripping the bedding underneath him and cursed. He could feel his domina’s hands in his hair, caressing his temples, stroking back his damp curls. 

“She’s a tease, that one,” she laughed quietly in his ear, placing a delicate kiss on his forehead. 

He couldn’t responde, only agreeing with a grunt, as Alba’s mouth swallowed him whole, sinking all of him into her throat before she pulled off with a deep breath. Her hand was stroking him up and down in fast motion and he felt helpless against the rising heat in his abdomen, a strangled cry coming from him as he bit his bottom lip hard. 

“Slow down, Alba, you’ll ruin the fun for yourself if you make him come too fast,” his domina said and Alba laughed. 

“I’d better get my fill of him then,” she replied and Acacius felt her adjust herself above him as his cock yet again slipped into a wet cunt. He groaned as she squeezed him, lifting up and coming down over him with a roll of her hips, riding him hard and fast. From across the room he heard some of the women give lazy cheers, clinking cups as they egged their friend on. 

“Ride him until he begs for release, Alba,” one woman called, her voice slurred by the wine they all seemed to be downing fast. 

“I’ll ride him until he makes my body shake,” Alba called back, panting loudly, moaning as he grabbed her hips and slammed his cock hard into her. He was determined to make her come quick, hard, so that he didn’t have to fight against his own aching cock. It was ready to burst, his balls tight between his legs as the unknown woman used him for her pleasure. 

“T-touch me,” she gasped at him, and he slipped his hand around her ample hips, finding the sweet pearl quickly. As his fingers rubbed across it, she cried out, her nails digging into his chest as she drove him in and out of her slick cunt, her walls beginning to convulse around his cock. 

Her speech was incoherent, just mumbled pleas and gasps, her breathing heavy until she cried out. Her thighs gripped his hips tight, slamming down on him and grinding her cunt into his soaked crotch. She whimpered as the orgasm washed over her, Acacius bit his lip, almost drawing blood, as he forced his mind to think of anything but the woman using him for her pleasure. When she collapsed on top of him, the hair on her head tickling his nose, he wrapped his arms around her back and gently caressed damp skin, her heart thumping against his chest. 

In the background he heard a few giggles and tired cheers, but no one rushed up to take Alba’s place. His cock ached deep inside her and he almost wished he’d come, despite the punishment he’d receive.

The other woman, still sitting by his head, shifted behind him, and he heard her stand up. 

“Come, girl, get on your feet, let the poor man breathe,” she said in a soft voice, he could hear her smile. The weight of Alba lifted from his chest and she seemed to stumble to her feet as the woman led her away. He was left on the bedding, his cock still hard and aching, the air of the room quickly cooling it. Reaching up, he grabbed the base tightly, staving off the worst of his impending release, drawing a deep lungful of air to steady himself. 

You led Alba over to where the rest of the young women had collapsed into piles, drunk on sweet wine and the excitement of the night. None of them were used to the wine of Bona Dea and would have no further enjoyment of the general currently splayed on the bedding across the room. Julia gave you a lazy smile as she made room for Alba next to her, both girls spent and sated. 

With a smile at them, you crossed the mosaic floor again, watching as the man gripped the base of his weeping cock and grimaced. Sinking down on your heels next to him, you gently put your hand on his arm. 

“Come, general, this night isn’t over yet.” 

He sat up and you helped him to his feet, taking his hand and leading him out of the room and further into the building. The darkness of the house fell around the both of you, it was late in the night, but you weren’t tired yet. The striking general, stripped of all his attributes, padded on bare feet behind you, his hand in yours, following blindly and trusting you without question. 

You led him to a room softly lit by oil lamps, and left him standing in the middle while you closed the door. Stepping up behind him you gently untied the blindfold, letting it fall to the floor, and as you moved around him, you saw him blink against the light and then find your face. 

“Domina…?” he asked and you smiled as you saw his deep brown eyes in the golden light. 

“There is no law against the men foolish enough to wander into our celebrations seeing the women they are being tormented by,” you said, answering his unspoken question, “What happens on this night stays between the man and the women.” 

He nodded once and you stepped closer, your bodies pressed together, the hard length of him between you, slick against your flesh. His hands were calloused and rough as they gently grabbed at your hips of their own volition, caressing your skin, warming you. There was no hesitation as you reached up and cupped his cheeks in your hands and moved his soft looking lips to your own. He came willingly, a low rumble in his chest as your tongue met his. For a man who had been achingly hard for the past hour, he moved slowly, measured in the way he tasted you, nipped at your bottom lip and touched your body. 

“Touch me again, make me as wet as your meretrix, general,” you whispered against his lips and you felt the corners of his lips pull up in a smile as his hands pushed you backwards. 

“I want to bury my face between your legs, domina. That’s how I get them wet enough for my cock,” he muttered, watching your face with dark eyes, as you continued to step back for him. 

Your breath caught in your throat at his words, the thought of him giving you pleasure that way made your body tremble and he noticed, a fresh wave of arousal pooling between your legs. 

“I’ve only ever heard tell of some men doing that to women,” you said, the cool metal frame of the bed against your legs, “my husband never did it to me.” 

“I’m sorry, domina, but your husband is a fool. It’s the best way to give pleasure to a woman, to prepare her for a cock like this, and make her enjoyment of the act as great as mine.” 

His warm hands slid down over your hips as he spoke, and now he grabbed them, his strong arms flexing as he picked you up and laid you down on the bed. Settling himself between your thighs, he made you open your legs wide for his broad shoulders. He hooked one arm under your thigh, pushing you open even more, and his eyes made you shiver, as he looked at you with a wicked grin. 

“Take a sturdy hold of the bedding, domina, and let me hear your voice.” 

You pushed yourself up on your elbows and were just about to talk back to him, to ask what skills he thought he possessed. But your question was lost to a moan as he lowered his head and ran the tip of his proud nose along the seam of your swollen slit, following with the flat of his tongue. 

Your head tipped back as you groaned into the room, his tongue finding the sensitive bead hidden among your folds and sending a violent stream of pleasure through your body. Never had a man touched it the way his tongue did, lapping at it, circling with slow steady strokes, making it vibrate as he hummed against your flesh, his own pleasure clearly rising as he feasted between your legs. He seemed to be teaching himself how to draw every debased groan and moan from your throat, coming back to repeat the ones that made you pant and dig your fingers hard into the bedding. 

“Domina…” he mumbled against your cunt, “put your hands in my hair, let me feel how good I’m making you feel.” 

You met his eyes as he lifted his face slightly, his beard and jaw shining with your slick, and it made your insides cramp around nothing. “If this is your first time, let me make it one to remember when you go back to your husband.” 

You nodded, dumbly, moving your hands to his hair, the long curls winding around your fingers as he dipped his head again. He pushed against your leg, spreading you for him, as he drove his tongue as deep inside as he could, the glistening tip of his nose circling your sensitive pearl, making you gasp with every pass. 

The warmth of his hand moved over your leg, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake, and you felt him shift on the bed. His tongue was still lapping greedily at your folds, but now it was joined by two of his thick fingers, teasing at your opening. As he closed his mouth around the apex of your thighs, suckling on that bead, he pushed his fingers inside you. 

“Gods….” you cried, your body arching up under him as it filled you, stretching you out. Between your legs you felt his tongue increase its speed, heat rising as he moved his fingers in and out, copying the motion of a man’s cock but curling, dragging, his thick fingers over places inside you that you’d never knew existed. Pleasure all but exploded in your body as you groaned for more. 

“Dominus…please…I’m…” 

The fingers on his free hand dug into your flesh, holding you down as he moved up onto his knees, pushing you into the bedding with his body. You saw him work his jaw, feasting on your cunt as he drove your pleasure higher, his fingers pushing deep inside, curling and stroking, driving you towards an edge that you were almost afraid to fall over. 

“Dominus,” you wailed, locking eyes with him as he looked up from between your legs, his mouth still licking every drop you fed him. His dark eyes, wild and almost mad with lust, bore into you, and with one more thrust of his fingers, he pushed you over the edge. You could feel his eyes on you as your whole body seized up, ecstasy coursing through every fibre, your throat raw as you sobbed and groaned. His fingers were relentless, stroking you, working your cunt into submission, prolonging every wave of pleasure that radiated from where his mouth sucked at your folds. 

With tired hands you pushed him away when it became too much, your body was shaking, your breathing ragged, and he gently let go of your body, his fingers slipping out. 

“Carissime,” he growled, crawling up over your body, “let me fuck you, let me spill my seed deep inside this tight cunt, and claim you as mine.” 

His skin was damp and hot as he covered you with himself, sinking down on his forearms and placing wet kisses along the side of your neck. The roll of his hips against you made him groan between each kiss, his cock was flushed red and weeping, denied release for so long. His words sent a fresh jolt of arousal through your mind even though your heart was still hammering from what he’d already pulled from you. 

“Carissime,” he repeated, sucking hard on your neck, sure to leave a mark, “Let me fuck you, or suck my cock, just give me release, let me spill myself over your soft tits, I need your body.” 

His pleas wrapped themselves around your head, your limbs grew hot, and the heat between your legs returned. 

“Fuck me,” you whined, grabbing at his shoulders, pulling him down over you as your hips rolled up against his hard length. 

“Tell me how, domina, order me, please Bona Dea. You only have one night to take what you want from me.” 

His breath was scorching against your skin as he moved down and wrapped his lips around your nipple, sucking hard at it, nipping, giving you both pain and pleasure that made you whimper and push him closer to your chest. 

“Fuck me from behind, use me like a meretrix,” you said, it came out more like begging, a desperate plea, “My husband never wants to fuck me like that, and never hard, but I crave it, I want to feel your thick cock for days to remember this night.” 

Acacius muttered as he pushed himself up, leaving your breast tender and shining with his spit. 

“He truly is a fool of a man. To have this tight, wet cunt in his bed every night and not fuck it like it deserves? Were you in my household I’d make sure you’d never go unsatisfied again, keep you in my bed day and night.”  

He’d risen to his full length, standing by the side of the bed, and again you took in the glorious form of this man that Bona Dea had blessed you with. His skin had a sheen of sweat, his curls in disarray, and that cock, hard and flushed, weeping from the tip, ready to sink into your cunt. It made your mouth water and the general noticed. 

“Come here, carissime, on all four and turn that sweet ass to me,” he slapped your ass cheek and grabbed your hips, pulling you back towards him. “I can’t tell you how much I look forward to fucking you as hard and rough as you wish. My cock has been waiting all night on being sunk deep into a cunt as sweet as yours.” 

It made you whimper, the way he talked to you, and on instinct, you curved your back, opening yourself up to him. He growled and squeezed your ass again, spreading you open for him to see where his cock would slide in. The blunt head dragged through your folds as Acacius coated his cock with the juices leaking from your puffy folds. It made him hiss, and with one last shred of self control, he grabbed your hips, and slowly sunk into the wet heat, feeling your walls stretch for him, clenching tightly as you moaned. 

“Gods, carissime,” he groaned, his fingers so tight they were sure to leave marks on your skin, “you have the tightest little cunt I’ve ever felt, your husband is a fool, I might have to order him to divorce you, so that you can come to my villa.” 

With a low grumble, he pulled out almost all the way before he pushed in again, harder this time, and it made you keen under him, your core contracting to hold his cock tight. 

Acanius leaned over your back, his hot skin on yours, and he grabbed your hair, winding his fingers into the previously so well maintained hairstyle. Now the curls spilled through his fingers as he pulled your head back. 

“Mi meretrix,” he hissed, “are you ready? I won’t hold back, I can’t.” 

You could only moan a breathless Yes under the weight of his body, your core contracting and pulsing around the thick length of his cock buried deep inside. His voice was strained and taught, he had no self control left. The hand in your hair tightened its grip, the other took a steady hold of your hip and he pulled out. 

When he slammed back in, you cried out, pleasure shot through your body as the impact caught every sensitive spot inside your slick cunt, but he gave you no respite. He set a brutal pace, grunting and panting behind you like a bull, holding you in place as he slammed his cock into your heat over and over, praising your cunt, your tight heat, your body, your willingness to let him use you like this. 

You could only take it, it was like no fucking you’d ever done, he filled you up, not just your cunt, but your whole body, your mind and every sense left tingling at the onslaught. All that filled your mind was how full you were, how his cock felt as it stretched you open, splitting you down the middle, making you cry out in pleasure and need. The man behind you was relentless, his sweat dripped down on your back, scorching hot drops on your own overheated skin. With a growl like an animal, he wrenched you up, flush against his chest as his arm banded across your breast. The rough pads of his fingers immediately found your aching pebble between your legs and circled it, drawing tight patterns that made you wail and cramp. He changed his angle, fucking up into you with the same unforgiving speed and power, and pulled your head back on to his shoulder, his mouth finding your ear, warm breath and gravelled words spilling from him. 

“Carissime, come for me, choke my cock with that tight little cunt of yours, I’ll dream of you on my march back to Rome. Give me the sweetest memory to think of as I fuck my hand in the night.” 

His cock was spearing you, pushing hard and deep inside, while his fingers found the very core of your pleasure. 

“C-come for me, now, I can’t…I can’t hold myself any more,” he panted, his rhythm stuttering, you could feel his cock twitch inside, he was falling over the same edge as you, his body tensing up, the muscles of his stomach contracting against your back as he groaned loudly in your ear. 

“Futuo!” he cried out, and your cunt closed around his cock, your body taught as a bow string under his strong arms as you sobbed into his neck, turning your head to feel more of him as your body convulsed and trembled, the muscles in your legs giving in until it was only his arms around your body that held you up. 

Acacius groaned and cursed as he pumped into you, hot ropes of cum shooting out and filling up the tight cunt that gripped him so hard. His rhythm was faltering, he could hardly move, his eyes were blurry, he held you up as his own legs gave in. With a stumbling step, he pulled you both down onto the bed, falling on your side with his cock still deeply buried in you. He pressed his face into your neck, breathing hard, the build up of the last hour finally being released. His hips jerked, pumping the last of himself into you, and then he stilled. You could feel his arms tight around your chest, his breath against your skin, even his heart beat could be heard in the now quiet room. 

The muscles in your body felt like lead, warm lead flowing out over the bed. How you’d ever move again, you weren’t sure. Your eyes were impossible to open, the general’s body a heavy weight over half of you, he didn’t seem too keen on moving either, his breathing growing slow and steady. You both stayed still in the silence and the afterglow, not wishing to break the spell of Bona Dea. 

A few hours must’ve passed before he stirred again, the light outside the small window had changed. He lifted his head and looked around the room in confusion for a moment before he remembered where he was. The woman was still underneath him, half covered by his body. He could feel his soft cock still laying between her legs, he hadn’t even pulled out before he fell asleep. With curious eyes he regarded her now in sleep, a woman of his own age, beautiful with the features of someone of noble birth. Gently he trailed a finger across her soft cheek, carefully moving his weight from her. But his movement caused her to stir, blinking awake as he looked at her. 

“General,” she mumbled, sleep still clinging to her features, as she rolled over onto her side to face him. He held himself up over her, cupping her cheek with his hand, slowly caressing every line. 

“Morning approaches, I must go back to my men and explain my absence,” he said, “Domina, you have given me a night I will never forget.” 

“As have you, general,” she smiled in reply, “My cunt is still sticky and I believe I will feel this ache for days.” 

He chuckled at that, swiftly moving his hand down to cup her sex instead. 

“I wish I could stay and give you more nights,” he said, slipping a finger gently between her folds to feel his own seed still leaking out. She gasped as he brushed across her sensitive bud, letting his fingers caress it softly before he pulled away. 

Regretfully he shook his head, “But I’m expected in Rome and my army must march on.” 

“Come back next year, if you can,” she said, “Bona Dea will always welcome you into this house.” 

“If our emperor doesn’t send me away on another campaign, I will do my utmost to come back, carrisime.” 

The endearment fell from his lips with a soft smile and she pulled him down towards him, her lips finding his, tongues meeting again. She was warm, irresistible under his hands, he groaned and felt his cock twitch, somehow growing hard again. 

“Carrisime,” he whispered against her mouth, “I must go, but come find me if you’re in Rome.” 

“What is your name, optimus?” she smiled at him. 

“Marcus Acacius, domina. Come find me, let me taste that sweet cunt again.” 

“I will, Marcus, maybe I will leave my husband at home and come find my magnus concubinus.” 

Part Two

Tagging the lovely crowd from the preview post!

@angiewatson @i-own-loki @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @lady-bess @nerdieforpedro @legendary-pink-dot @musings-of-a-rose @for-a-longlongtime @oberynslady @chaoticfestninja @joelssapologist @mduluozz @jessthebaker @hellofeyradarling @pascalislove @flyingthroughheaven @criticalarchitecture @brittmb115 @dammit-hoechlin @li-anne @luly0607 @snow3096-blog @rainbowcat164 @suddendownpour @sherala007 @groovy-hippie-chick @grippysockedtoebeans @bonafideslacker @tupelomiss @rhiannon-girl @verge-of-tears-again @truffles-cat @jay-zzle @rav3n-pascal22 @chronically-ghosted @allaboutthebeskar @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 @casa-boiardi

[usedtobecooler]

tw: angst, self-destructive eddie. happy ending.

eddie munson freaks out and runs away when you show up on the front doorstep of the trailer, a positive pregnancy test in your hand.

he had been so, so careful. taken every precaution necessary to make sure you both never ended up in this situation, yet here he was. sat in the middle of nowhere, head buried in his hands and curled up like a child. he's suddenly five years old again, shut in the closet and covering his ears to muffle the sounds of his mom and dad fighting.

eddie never wanted this. never wanted it for himself, and especially not for you. munsons were fuck-ups, good for nothing - his dad was a piece of shit, and so was his dad, and his dad before him. wayne was the only good one.

eddie had always promised himself that the munson lineage would end with him. the name eradicated from the one-horse town that was hawkins, no other child would ever have to carry the burden of having his name, having the other kids torment them over every rumor and story they were told by their own parents and grandparents.

his childhood was horrific. bullied and used as a punching bag, simply because of his fathers reputation that preceded him. destined to be a fuck up from his first breath, that was all he would ever be. he was never given a chance, a failure before he even had a try.

what good would he be as a father? no job, no prospects, still living under wayne's roof at twenty-six. still drove a piece of shit van that wasn't safe for any kid to step foot in, dustin wasn't even allowed in the damned thing until he turned eighteen.

he'd fucked up. failed you, failed the poor baby inside of you. it eats away at him, rots his insides until the hot tears fall thick and fast, running down his cheeks and into his mouth as he wails into the crevice of his legs, face buried tightly between his knees.

he pulls his hair, yanks it until he feels clumps rip between his fingers. feels the sting in his scalp and pulls harder until he's wincing and crying harder.

it's dark when he pulls his head from between his knees, standing on shaky legs as he tries to make his way out of the woods, back to the park.

you're still sat on the doorstep. a hopeful smile on your face when he collapses in a heap at your feet and apologises until his throat is raw, his face red and stained with tear tracks.

eight months pass by fast.

he runs away again. and again. and again.

apologises every time, stays around and tries to be better, despite how scared he is. prays he won't be a fuckup. talks to his mom every night, begs for her guidance.

she'd of been the best grandma.

you're patient, a fucking saint. this is so hard for you, he's not making it any easier. but you let him fuck up over and over, welcome him back with open arms and that same hopeful smile.

he eventually finds a job in a bodyshop, he really thrives there. saves for a heap of crap car that he fixes himself. you get your own trailer, and suddenly you're closer than ever before.

eddie thinks he's in love.

wayne jr is born in december. it's snowing and he almost drives you off the road speeding to the hospital, as you contract and scream next to him, clinging onto him for dear life.

he's perfect. the boy laying in his arms, peaceful and staring up at him with his mothers eyes, is the most perfect thing he's ever seen.

it's not going to be easy. but eddie has never felt love before like he feels in that room, wrapped in you and his son.

and in that moment, he feels like he can change everything.

[fairlyang]

i neeeeeed more loser!katie my mind is actually rotting and it’s because of her

I loved loser!katie so bad and wanted to write a part 2 since I wrote it in december- leave it to me to dust off an old ass draft😭😭 im so sorry for the long ass wait anon

Loser II 🏹

w/c: 2.5K

pairing: loser!katebishop x f!reader

tags: 18+ smut. masturbation, fingering, she is knocked tf out, or so you think, she wakes up, secretly watches you, voyeurism, such a perv, getting caught, 2 pervs (freaky ass frogs!!), mutual masturbation, finger sucking

part one | kinktober masterlist | main masterlist

what indeed did change were your thoughts towards kate. Not in a bad way at all but hearing her moan out your name while doing something so intimate just had your brain thinking a bit.

you had always thought she was an incredibly attractive girl but for her to think of you that way seemed almost insane, out of nowhere.

until you started remembering her attitude towards you lately and it clicked.

she liked you too.

you never thought what started off to be a small little crush on your roommate, now close friend, would be reciprocated back.

so of course you had to calm your growing nerves after what you just heard by masturbating as well.

surely it solves all problems.

you had already taken your dress off and put on one of her shirts she once let you borrow that you never returned and she never asked for back.

she was too nice to ask you to give it back but also she’d give you anything you wanted with the snap of a finger.

she secretly loved how pretty and cute you looked when wearing it but too bad she got shitfaced and had a body shaking orgasm that she immediately fell asleep and won’t get to see it.

since she was luckily, a heavy sleeper, you also figured why the fuck not.

so as you spread your legs wide and ran a hand up and down your thighs, the back of your mind couldn’t help but wish, pray, that she would wake up just to see you masturbating in her shirt.

she’d probably lose her shit and there was nothing more you’d love to witness than that but those loud snores that left her mouth were a dead giveaway that that would not be happening.

nonetheless you figured you’d make yourself cum because just the thought of how she was pleasing herself was getting to be too much for you already.

you still couldn’t believe she reciprocated those same feelings back and were in complete shock but the alcohol in your system was working overtime to forget about feelings for a second.

you began by rubbing your clit in slow circles over your panties but to tease yourself a bit. you quickly felt your arousal seep through the light fabric and you realized how it took nearly nothing for your body to respond.

you then decided to just go for it over waiting. and who had time to edge?

with your left hand you move your panties to the side then with your right hand going down to feel your wetness with just one finger.

it only took one dip for your finger to be soaked so you just move two fingers to your entrance then slide them in with ease.

you bit your lip, grabbing your body pillow and pulling it as close as possible to your body as you slowly moved your fingers out then back in. You spread your legs wide and start to fuck yourself but being mindful of how loud your wetness could be.

even though Kate is dead asleep right now, you didn’t want to take any chances.

though deep down you really wanted her to wake up.

so you took your chances anyway and started off by letting out quiet moans at first to see if her sleeping body would react.

she didn’t.

you turned your head to the right to see her sleeping peacefully and your eyes stayed on her bulging biceps that were tightly hugging her body pillow.

your eyes rolled back as you fucked yourself faster just imagining her on top of you, arms above your head. there was just something about her muscles that made your head spin.

especially when you had the luck of her asking you to go to one of her archery tournaments and you were so out of it just paying attention to those damn arms over her skills.

it was the one and only day she didn’t wear her purple archery jacket and instead had on a black tank top because she had gotten there late (as per usual).

you could tell she was just working out only based off how absolutely sweaty she looked. Her baby hairs were glued her to forehead and her ponytail low over her usual one that would be in the middle.

the tank top fit her so good that once she started you weren’t even looking at her shooting the damn arrow, just focused on how the bra she was wearing made her tits pop and how chiseled her collarbones were as she shot it.

she looked so fucking good that day you may as well have been drooling all over the floor with your friends teasing you about it when she made a bullseye that you didn’t even get to see.

since then you’ve had somewhat of a crush on her, always trying to refrain from flirting because you didn’t want to make her uncomfortable but after what you witnessed, things for sure would change for the good.

now you were the one that was so desperate and pretending she was the one finger fucking you. you started going deeper, imagining that’s how she would do it.

you didn’t know how the hell you were going to bring this up in the morning without sounding like an absolute pervert and maybe if she caught you now it’d be easier to explain.

but her loud snores being the only sound in the room crushed those dreams.

you looked at her again, staring at her lips and wondering how they’d feel on yours. looking down at her hands and subconsciously letting out a moan, she only shifted.

then she let out a muffled moan and you stopped. your eyes grew wide and you felt like dying of embarrassment.

but that was it. she didn’t move.

that’s when she stirred in her sleep and you watched carefully, for any signs that she'd wake up. luckily that was all she did and you were in the clear, for now.

you started pumping your fingers inside you again and that’s when kate’s brain decided to form an all too realistic wet dream. you were moaning her name.

these usually took over her dreams at night but this one felt so real. her consciousness waring off and she heard actual moans in her eyes.

she kept her eyes closed and laid still as she listened carefully. she could hear you trying to be quiet, something she was used to but this was different.

that’s when she heard the noises coming between your legs and it sent a shiver down her spine. she felt her heartbeat in her chest and she was so conflicted on what to do.

there was no fucking way she was gonna be able to sleep knowing you’re masturbating with her in the room and no way she was going to pass up this opportunity to hear you.

maybe it was the slight voyeur in her or maybe it was just her taking advantage of the fact that this is her only chance but she had hear you.

meanwhile you closed your eyes and turned your head to the left as you bucked your hips up while fucking yourself. you gripped your pillow, trying hard to keep quiet but the thought of kate being between your thighs was so strong and you were losing control.

you let more moans slip from your lips, some just of pleasure and others of her name because you felt like being bold.

as soon as kate heard her name leave your mouth she nearly screamed in happiness. but she kept her mouth shut because otherwise her cover would be blown and she had to hear everything.

she decided to open her left eye slowly because she was greedy and wanted to see you. the light of the bedside table lamp was all the light in the room and after her eye got use to it, she was able to see you.

gripping a pillow for dear life while you finger yourself but her eye focused on something else first.

you were wearing her shirt.

you were wearing her shirt.

her other eye shot open and she bit her lip to keep quiet because she was on the verge of absolutely losing it.

your eyes were closed shut and you were letting out occasional moans without a doubt thinking she’s still fast asleep.

once kate heard her name again, her right hand snaked down to her boxers, slipping it inside where she was met with a pool of arousal. not at all surprising since she came hard and now with this sight, of course she was going to be even more soaked.

she quickly slipped two fingers inside and tried to match your pace just from how your body was moving with the pillow. she grabbed onto her pillow as tightly as she could, mostly praying it’ll cover the noises of her wet pussy because she didn’t want to risk you hearing her.

luckily the pillow did cover the noises that came from her end of the room but not much from yours — which was good news in her books.

she was still clearly able to hear how wet you were and it was making her lose her mind. not only was this somehow not a fucking dream and you really were moaning her name but she was watching you fuck yourself while doing it.

she’s not sure what she did to deserve this, her wettest dreams coming true but lord was she grateful for it.

maybe you making out with that girl meant absolutely nothing.

maybe there was a chance that you liked her back.

“fuck katie- just like that-“ you whimpered and bit your lip afterwards but the damage was already done.

kate was struggling to keep quiet so bad, her body began to shake and her cheeks were getting red. she was struggling so badly, she accidentally let out a moan and it was game over.

what little dignity she had was gone and you’d probably ask to be switched roommates. her head was going a hundred miles an hour through all the possible outcomes that would occur that she didn’t even realize that you did not stop.

as soon as you heard her, your eyes shot open and you turned to look at her. she was spacing off, thinking it was the end of the world but was technically still looking at you so you were looking at her pretty face while she was in an identical position as you.

you didn’t stop fingering yourself and just looked over at kate, who had her own hands down her boxers. what a fucking view.

you cleared your throat and she snapped out of it, now looking into your eyes with anxiety filling her body. you have her a small smile and joked, “seems we both have confessions to make huh?”

kate looked at you in shock, not believing where you were going with this because it still felt like she was in a wet dream.

“that doesn’t mean we’ve gotta stop though…” you murmur and pump your fingers deeper, “i’m almost close.”

“fuck- is this really happening?” kate mutters, mostly to herself but you just chuckle and nod.

“mhm. i mean we both did drink a bit but no way we’d be having the same dream right?” you tease and she nods.

“well i uh.. um- fuck this is hard.” she stammered and gulps.

“how about we focus on one thing then worry about the rest after?” you suggest and she quickly nods.

you grab your pillow and set it aside because there was no reason to hide anything. kate followed your lead and did the same.

she then was able to see how you’ve been fucking yourself and didn’t stop. her mouth was watering and she wanted to go to your bed so bad to take care of you but fought against it.

she matched your pace once again and instantly let out some moans making you moan too. her eyes went back up to your face just to meet your eyes already looking at her. her face burned even more and you gave her a wide grin.

“didn’t think of you to be so much of a perv katie..” you teased making her scoff.

“you’re wearing my shirt!” she called back and you shrugged.

“it’s my shirt now.” you say and giggle.

“but i also got here right as you were finishing… might’ve heard a familiar name come out of your mouth…” you say breathlessly, feeling your arousal drip down just thinking about it again.

kate’s face was burning red, she was so embarrassed but then realized, “so you heard me? and what decided to go to town too?”

you kept quiet, lightly biting your lip while kate chuckled and smirked, “whose the perv now?”

“technically you still beat me.” you mutter and kate waves you off, “no shot.”

“you were just watching me play with myself…” you murmur and she laughs, “fine! we’re both pervs, are you happy?!” she jokingly exclaims and you just grin, nodding.

“good because i can’t believe this-“ she says and is cut off by a moan.

you whimpered and buck your hips up in desperation, kate’s eyes roll to the back of her head as she hears your sweet noises, “you sound s-so good-“

then kate moans and you were going back and forth just moaning for each other and hearing intently to the other’s moans.

your panties were beyond soaked now and your legs start shaking as you feel your orgasm about to hit you. the eye contact with kate was so intense, her blue eyes bored into yours as her body was also warning her of her incoming orgasm.

you went as fast as you could, chasing after your impending orgasm when you could hear kate doing the exact same and you just looked into her eyes while you both are hit with hard hitting orgasms.

you both let out loud mewls and whimpers, riding out your highs as you look at each other in adoration and hazy eyes. you slowed down and attempted to calm your breathing down but your heart was pounding.

kate quickly went to the rescue as she slipped her fingers out slowly then pulled her hand back from her boxers before quickly getting out of her bed and hopping onto yours.

you moved over making space for her as you slipped your fingers out with a plop. she nearly moaned but kept it inside.

you lazily bring your fingers up to her mouth, looking at her expectantly and kate obediently opens her mouth as you slip them inside her mouth. she sucks every drop of your sweet juices, savoring everything you had to give her — while looking directly into your eyes as well.

you pull them out with a loud plop and you grin. that’s when kate brought her fingers up to your mouth and you quickly opened your mouth and even grabbed onto her wrist. you took her fingers all the way down to her knuckles and this time she did moan because the sight was beyond better than any sex dream she’s had.

you push her wrist away after savoring every drop of her, and immediately realizing you’re gonna need to taste properly tomorrow. but for now you settled into her arms, making yourself comfortable against her chest as you listen to her heart beat louder than yours.

[filmofhybe]

new written series ! — by filmofhybe.

IN EVERY MULTIVERSE

in which

> y/n was a young girl who believed in the multiverse. Believed that in each multiverse your in, something special or memorable would happen. What if she figures out a way to travel through each and every multiverse she would be in, and meet seven different boys that captures her eyes. Which she sadly can’t seem to get them off her mind at the end of every Adventure.Will she ever meet them again in her every multiverse?

PAIRING : ot7! x reader

🥥 GENRE : friends to lovers , academic rivals , streamer x streamer , stranger to lover , patient x doctor , singer x dancer , café owner x regular customer , coming of age

WARNINGS : angst , swearing , kissing , romance , kys jokes , dad jokes lmao

🗯️ FEATURING: enhypen obvi , rei - ive , K & Jo - &team , Yunjin - Le Sserafim , Sana - twice , Hanbin - ZB1

TAGLIST : feel free to comment to be added :)

STATUS : every Friday :) (hopefully…)

The perfect blend - YJW

synopsis : can you ever imagine in this multiverse, you having the biggest fattest crush on your best friend - Yang jungwon, however knowing he already has a “girlfriend” hurts more than just a sting from a bee.

warnings : angst (100%) , fluff , crying , kissing

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

video our love - LHS

synopsis : you were extremely camera shy in the actual world, so what makes you be so confident in front of millions across the world while facing towards the camera with your lover - Lee heeseung.

warnings: kissing , slight angst towards end (not much tho) , tooth rooting fluff

Healing hearts - PJS

synopsis : doctors and patients aren’t suppose to have romantics love towards each other. However, in this multiverse, your very much in love with you hot doctor - Park Jeongseong. Whose secretly trying to heal your broken heart..

warnings : kissing , tooth rotting fluff (cheer cuz there isn’t any angst on this one WOOHOO!!)

Academic Enmity Rivalry - JS

synopsis : all the studying just to make your parents proud until your biggest academic rival - Sim Jaehyun decides to have the biggest academic comeback. And offering you free legit tutoring lessons so you can beat him

Warnings : tooth rotting fluff , kissing , begging

Amidst Crowns - PSH

synopsis : crazy to think about how your a Royal in this multiverse, only for the crazy self-obsessed prince himself - Park Sunghoon to hit on you 24/7. Finding it annoying you decided to throw insults at him, not knowing the consequence.

warning : insult comments , fluff , slight angst , crying

Brewing Love - KSN

synopsis : now your a café owner?? Serving your favorite regular customer- Kim Sunoo everyday was the highlight of your day. Realizing you were falling for him before he starts bringing in girls, crushing your heart as you can’t handle it.

Warning : ANGST (I mean heavy) , kinda fluff , kiss on hand

Melodies of music & love - NR

synopsis : the last and final multiverse , your a singer to your lover dancer - Nishimura Riki. Promised to Perform together until realizing it isn’t your passion anymore. Maybe you want to continue in this universe and never go back… but how when you miss every boy you met in the other 6 multiverse..?

warning : sweet fluff , comfort , angsty (at the end.)

TBA….

SERIES TAGLIST : @enhaz1 @dubuii @in-somnias-world @ultimatestayandminoronce @yenqa @euncsace @hoondiors @yannew @mrchweeee @ariadores @oldjws @frukkoneeeeg @dimplewonie @seobstarr @asteria-wood (white = i cant tag)

; AUTHORS NOTES : since is December 1st on Friday , I would be updating this series every Friday leading up to January-February (or even earlier than that) . I hope you guys enjoy this series as much as I do. Don’t hesitate to ask to be on the taglist by commenting!! I love you all and hope you enjoy this series that’s going to be delivered to you soon :)

© filmofhybe on tumblr — do not copy , translate or share.

[icysinner]

❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅

𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡: eren is a better gift giver than you thought he was.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: not much, tooth rotting fluff.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.093k

secret santa was arguably the only thing that made christmas as a college student exciting. everyone knows that as you grow older, christmas gets less and less interesting, but with the right group of friends, it has the potential to be just as fun as when you lived at home with your parents and siblings. sasha always organized the secret santa event, just because she took every holiday seriously as if her friends were her children.

just eren’s luck, the one year he gets to be your secret santa is the year that up until christmas, your friendship was becoming a lot more than just friends, meaning he had to put together a gift that meant a lot, he had no choice, you meant a lot. “connie, i’m fucked.” eren complained as he paced back and forth in their shared dorm room. “you stressin’ over nothing, she already likes you, she’s gonna like whatever you get her as long as you put some thought into it.” connie replied, not looking up from his phone as he offered eren the advice.

while connie was right, eren wanted this gift to be more than just a friendly gift exchange, he wanted it to mean something more than just that. “that’s the problem, i have no thought.” eren said, his tone completely serious, making connie laugh at him. “okay, that’s fair. ask mikasa to help you, she’s a girl, she knows what girls like. plus she’s close to y/n, you’re like a close second to mikasa on her list.” connie’s suggestion showed just how little “thought” eren had, because he didn’t even think about asking mikasa, and that was your best friend.

౨ৎ⋆ ˚ ❆｡⋆⁺₊❅.

“so, are you asking her to be your girlfriend with this gift or is that coming later?” mikasa asked, being sure to throw in the whole girlfriend thing. to be fair, you and eren have been dancing around adding the title to whatever the two of you have going on. “i think i wanna ask, but i don’t know how to pair a gift with something like that.” eren said, mikasa was more surprised at the amount of time he was really putting into this, she’d never seen him think this hard before. (and they have an english lecture together, so trust her.) “i think that she’ll like whatever you get her. she likes a bunch of shit, pick one thing and do it.”

obviously eren had thought of that, but that was basic, and you have everything you like already. “okay, here’s an idea. make her a basket.” mikasa suggested, making what seemed like a lightbulb go off in eren’s mind. “actually… i like that idea.” eren said, a million ideas running through his mind at once. if you liked so many things, getting you all of them at once was obviously the best idea. oddly enough, eren trusted himself enough to make it completely on his own, it wouldn’t feel genuine if he didn’t, he thought.

౨ৎ⋆ ˚ ❆｡⋆⁺₊❅.

everyone was assigned a secret santa on december eighteenth, which gave them a full week to decide, put together and deliver a gift. eren spent the entire week buying separate things from a million different stores for this one basket. he only asked for help when he needed an opinion on a color or which gift cards he should put in the basket. he’d completed this elaborate gift, and now he had to shake off all his nervousness in order to actually give you the gift.

—

eren

wyd?

y/n

not shit

eren

perfect

eren

don’t go anywhere or do anything i’ll be there in like 5 minutes

y/n

i’m nervous omg why u so cryptic for???

—

obviously, eren was your secret santa, but that’s not why you were so nervous. if it was just a regular gift, why would he calculate everything so well? nonetheless, you were excited for whatever it was. you lived in a single dorm, but it was across campus from your friend group, which was the only downside it really had. after all of his perfectionist behavior, shifting the basket around a million times to make sure you could see everything he put in it perfectly before you took it out, he arrived at your door.

it took some building up for him to actually knock, and once he did, all of the nervousness he had multiplied yours tenfold. you nearly shot up from your seat to go answer the door, opening it to a smiling eren, holding a basket in one arm and a heart shaped box with flowers in the other. your eyes widened as your face grew into a smile. “eren, no way.” is all you managed to get out of your mouth as you stared at him in adoration and disbelief. “you’re not gonna be able to look at all of the stuff if you don’t let me in.” his words made you snap out of this trance you were in as you stepped out of the way to let him in.

eren took a couple steps forward and set the basket and flowers down on the counter, but he kept the box behind him. “look at what’s in there first.” he directed, because he knew you well enough to know that your curiosity would make you want to know what’s so special that he’s hiding it. you pulled all of the stuff out of the basket one by one, looking like a little kid under the christmas tree again. “eren, how much did you spend on all this stuff?” you asked, your eyes widening with every object you pulled out of the basket. “you worried about the wrong thing, that doesn’t matter. you like it, right?” eren asked, to which you responded with a nod. “then that’s all that matters.”

“i need to get a vase, i wanna keep these.” you said to yourself as you sat them up next to the basket to make space for the last thing eren was hiding from you. the small comment made eren smile to himself as he held out the box to you. you looked down at it, reading the red cursive letters written on the dessert. “yes, duh!” you exclaimed in excitement, taking the box from his hands and wrapping him in a hug. “i don’t even wanna eat it, i just wanna save it forever.” you said, making eren laugh at you. “you say that now, but i know you well enough to know you’ll definitely eat it.”

[just-some-trans-nobody]

December Christmas Monster stories

December 13.) Half giant x GN reader

Warnings: depression, hating job, job quitting, size difference

Minors Don't Interact!

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Working as one of Santa's elf was a seasonal job, the pay was shit but it was fun. Pretty much volunteer work. There was a bonus though. It came in the form of the man playing Santa named Treg. 

He was a half giant and standing next to him in your work uniform you really did look like a Christmas elf. Treg was kind to everyone, always smiling. You couldn't help but be drawn to him. It helped that you were one of his main elfs. Every shift he had you worked too. Always right next to him helping him with the kids or getting him water. Any time he had to get up and walk somewhere you were with him to make sure he didn't bump into any kids. It was hard seeing kids when you were that big. Treg was always so happy when you helped him out. Constantly thanking you for every little thing you did for him. 

Treg often would make you a cup of hot chocolate during your shared break. It always tasted better when he made it. The two of you would always chat the whole break before going back to going to work. 

The work gossip was that both of you were dating in secret. Though any time the two of you were confronted Treg vehemently denied it. You did so too, just less convincing than him. One of your coworkers noticed this and asked you in private if you wished you were dating him. You frowned as you nodded your head. They gave you a look of pity before walking away. 

They must have said something to Treg because after that day he started avoiding you. It hurt badly when suddenly your schedule changed from his. You had been replaced by another worker who preferred to pose for the photos and flirt with all the parents instead of helping Treg. Not that you could do anything about it, you were assigned to a different Santa. He was a satyr who didn't care about his job, he worked the dead shift hardly anyone came around when he worked and he liked it that way.

Your fun job became miserable in less than a week all because you couldn't get a handle on your dumb one sided crush. You didn't smile at work anymore, what was the point?

Before the end of the second week you had turned in your uniform and quit. You went home and cried that night. The next day you went out to the store to go get comfort food. Walking around the store you filled your cart with tooth rotting snacks. Your heart hurt so you wanted your stomach to hurt more to take your mind away from it. 

Walking around absentmindedly you didn't pay attention to anything until you heard heavy footsteps. Looking up you saw Treg approaching you. You had the urge to run away from him but found yourself frozen in place. “Y/n? I heard you quit? Why did you do that?” His voice sounded heart broken. Why did he sound heart broken? Treg was the one who rejected and ignored you, not the other way around. 

“What does it matter to you? You made it clear you didn't like me when you started ignoring me.” You snorted, turning your head to look anywhere but at him. “I only started distancing myself because I realized I liked you too and that scared me. I'm constantly scared that I'm not going to know your next to me and I'll accidently hurt you.” Treg explained stepping closer to you. “Didn't every day we worked together prove I could handle that? You never hurt me before, why worry about that now?” You asked, glancing at him. “Because the thought of being with you meant a higher chance of hurting you but when you were gone it hurt even worse.” His eyes were starting to water as he talked. 

How could you be upset at that face? Looking down at your feet you stepped forward reaching your hand out to hold his sleeve. “I'd take that risk to be with you.” You told him, looking up at him. “For you? I'd risk anything.” Treg said carefully, holding your hand in his large one. You looked like a doll compared to him, you kind of liked it. 

[napakmahal]

Good Looking Boy (Pt 2 to Normal Girl)

Hey, so let’s pretend I didn’t fly off the face of a Earth on not update for like a month but part two is finally here. Enjoy

Tadashi was not doing well. He felt like shit and looked like it too. Ever since your argument, Tadashi had started going through a medium-grade depression. You two didn’t break up, and you still took him out after his hearing but something was off and he hated it. For the first time in history, Tadashi’s clothes were blocking the door to the boys’ bathroom. Hiro pulled on the door handle but the clothes and other crap were making it difficult to open.

“When are you gonna clean your side of the room?” He asked out of breath with a cramped hand.

Tadashi didn’t respond and just pulled his comforter closer to him indulging in shitty reality T.V. When Tadashi goes through seasonal depression, he doesn’t want to watch anything that feels like he’s working. He doesn’t want to watch a murder mystery that requires him to remember tiny nuanced details from the first episode or anything philosophical that would make him think. Enter reality television, it’s dumb, effortless, entertaining, and has in-depth recaps of what happened in case he missed something in the episode before. Hiro hadn’t realized how bad it was until he got home one day from school.

Tadashi was staring at his laptop while chewing on a piece of anti-headache mint gum. (mint helps with headaches)

“What are you watching?” Hiro untied his shoes and threw them into an unidentified corner.

“Vanderpump rules.”

It was like Hiro could hear horror movie music start playing in his ears behind someone screaming “I WASN’T YOUR BEST FRIEND HOE!” It was then he finally decided to call all of Tadashi’s friends, he needed assistance. He already had to watch his older brother self-destructively indulge in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Love Island every winter and he wasn’t sure either of them could take anymore.

That afternoon, Wasabi pulled up in his yellow Volkswagen with the rest of their friends. Hiro had asked them to drive around the back to the garage and meet him inside the garage. Once they were all inside, Hiro made sure to shut the door and gave everyone a small can of iced tea so they’d have something to spit out at the news.

“Okay, so why have we been summoned?” Fred cracked his can open.

Hiro took a deep breath, “Tadashi’s been watching reality shows, and it’s not December.”

“Shit, is he okay?” Gogo ran her hands through her short layered hair.

Honey urged, “Yeah what happened?”

“Have you guys ever met y/n?” Hiro brought his voice levels down. The entire group nodded, referring to meeting you at a karaoke bar where you were Tadashi’s plus one. “Alright well, I haven’t and neither has my aunt.”

“So?” Wasabi shrugged like it was no big deal because it really didn’t sound like a big deal.

“Sooo, she came by like last week and we had no clue who she was. I don’t know what happened but I know Tadashi and her got into some kind of fight and things are weird now.”

“Did they break up!?” Honey gasped.

“No, they still talk but it’s mad weird.”

Gogo pushed, “Weird, how?”

“Like they talk like strangers. ‘Hey, how are you?’ ‘Good, you?’ ‘Good, what are you doing?’ ‘Nothing, just bored. ‘Me too” over and over again.” Hiro wasn’t exactly a relationship therapist but he knew that was not normal for a girlfriend and a boyfriend that has been together as long as they had to talk to each other like that.

“Did you call her?” Fred leaned forward in his chair.

“Psh, no.” Hiro scoffed.

Wasabi asked, “Why not?”

“Because I don’t know her like that!”

Fair enough response. They knew something was going down with Tadashi when he stopped joining their group calls claiming to always be ‘tired’ and when he started leaving the lab hours earlier so he could go straight home and rot in his room. They tried, but nothing seemed to work, and he wouldn’t tell them the problem. He just didn’t want to depress anybody.

“Honestly,” Honey sighed. “I think we have to call her because I’m not so sure there’s anything we can do about it. It’s a problem between them.”

“But they do talk and it’s not going anywhere.” Hiro countered.

Wasabi backed up Honey’s point by saying, “That’s more like conversing, actually talking would be totally different.”

That night, Hiro snuck to the side of Tadashi’s room and typed in his passcode (Tadashi’s phone passcode is Hiro’s birthday and his wallpaper is an old picture of 5-year-old him sitting between his parents in the hospital bed holding onto baby Hiro with the help of his dad.) But his home screen is a picture of you two brushing your teeth in the mirror making faces with toothpaste foam all over your mouths. Hiro clicked on the messages app and sent a text.

——————————————————————————

This was so depressing. You'd been listening to a playlist with 800 different moods to it while you did your makeup to go absolutely nowhere. You hadn’t been exactly normal since the whole ‘my boyfriend didn’t tell your family about me’ thing. He’d reiterated to you that talking about boyfriends and girlfriends in the Hamada house is odd and uncalled for. You understood but still, something was off. This was the longest time you two hadn’t slept over, or just sat in your car talking for hours. You missed your boyfriend so much. But every time you talked to him it was so awkward like he was still feeling guilty over what happened. Sure it hurt but you’d accepted it and they knew you now. You’re grown, learning to accept things with peace is part of growing up. Plus it was just a familial thing and Tadashi loved his family so much. He makes fun of Hiro endlessly but he would rather die than have anything happen to him, he paid his aunt’s light bill without her knowing because he felt bad after seeing her on the phone with a tax collector, and he misses his parents so much. Once he was having a hard time picking out a suit he could wear to an internship he felt overwhelmed and he said “If my dad was here he’d help me.” Still, it still seemed Tadashi was holding back in all of your conversations.

You finished up your double-winged eyeliner and just as you were about to change Hit em up to Something Stupid, your phone dinged. Both your wallpaper and home screen was the picture a stranger took of you, your mom, and Tadashi at your mom’s graduation.

T

Hey, can we talk?

You texted back: Like rn?

T

No, in person.

Fuck. That’s never a good sign. But yet you just said: Ok, when?”

T

Tomorrow, my place. There's an opening on the side where the garage is. Knock.

These tiny sentences were starting to confuse you. Tadashi didn’t text in small sentences. He was the person who wrote grammatically correct paragraphs in text. Usually when he planned things he would tell where what time, when, where, and why he wanted to meet up. So this was starting to scare you. Regardless, you agreed to meet in person. You took off your makeup and tried to get as much sleep as possible.

——————————————————————————

Tadashi wasn’t looking much better the next day. He came down from their room hours after Hiro did. It wasn’t uncommon for Tadashi to sleep in his boxers, especially in the warmer months. But he usually puts on shorts or sweatpants before coming down. Not this time.Hiro was mid-sip of his daily emergen-c (he suffers from low vitamin C) when he saw his older brother looking like he got hit by a cable car walking down the stairs. Hair a mess, wearing a plain white shirt, his blue and white boxers, and eyes like bruised shopping bags. He looked like something Mochi coughed up.

“Good morning.” Hiro said warily.

Tadashi just groaned in response and leaned past him to get to the vitamin cabinet. When he reached to grab the large container of calcium vitamins, Hiro backed the hell up.

“Bro,” Hiro nearly whispered in disbelief. “When’s the last time you showered?”

Tadashi still said nothing and just shot his brother a dirty look. He took his calcium pill and went back upstairs to their room. It wasn’t until he sat down on his bed and stared off into space for a moment that he’d come to the realization.

“Fuck, I need to shower.” He whispered to himself.

He grabbed somewhat presentable clothes and his designated towel and went into the bathroom. Now, for those who don’t really understand depression, this may seem gross. But for a moment, Tadashi just leaned on the door and took a tired breath. Just the thought of exerting roughly 600 muscles to step into a shower, turn on the water, and scrub his entire body for roughly fifteen minutes just to scrub off bodily-secreted toxins made him feel really fucking exhausted. But he did it in the same way he did it when he wasn’t going through a depressive episode. Warm water for skin and cold water for hair. He remembered how appalled you were at seeing him just step into lukewarm water to shower and laughed when he hissed at how hot your average water temperature was.

He missed his girlfriend so much.

Tadashi just let the water run over his head without doing anything at all for like 2 minutes.

“This is so depressing.” He muttered to himself.

Some may think, ‘Dude just take a shower and quit being gross. You’re too old for this shit’ and the truth is, he’s thinking the exact same thing. So he reached for his green tea hair wash and instead of taking a normal shower, he took an everything one. It was tiring and he felt like toppling over and just rotting on the cold porcelain of the shower floor every second he was in there. But by the end at least he felt clean and smelled like classic male body wash.

Meanwhile, the time you were supposed to arrive was getting closer. Hiro was watching the clock profusely as he looked at his aunt who was just watching the Food Network and petting Mochi in her lap.

“Can we go to the mall?” He improvised.

“The mall? For what?” She looked back at him.

Shit. He needed to say something that would actually urge her to take him. “I want to look at new shoes!”

It was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Hiro had been wearing the same shoes for years and the soles were detaching from the actual shoe part. The old laces were so messed up he was using the laces from a pair that didn’t fit Tadashi anymore. Why did he have to be one of the only teenage boys not obsessed with shoes?

So when he asked to look at new shoes to get, she jumped at the chance. Screaming at the top of the stairs that she was taking Hiro to the store while Tadashi finished showering.

Once they left, a feeling of satisfaction filled Hiro’s chest as he saw your car stop at the red light closest to the cafe. They drove off and you got closer to the cafe. Usually when someone texts you ‘Hey can we talk’ they’re usually about to drop an absolute bomb on them. Was he planning on breaking up with you? Shit. Maybe you could give him as many reasons you could think of and he’d change his mind? Or maybe he didn’t want to break up at all. Maybe he just wanted to see you in person. Regardless of the reason you were sweating bullets.

You walked over to the garage and started knocking on the door for him to open. You could hear him rushing towards the side door.

“What did you forget-” He opened the door expecting to see Hiro. Instead there you were with a look of concern and slight discomfort on your face. He stared at you as little droplets of water from his hair dribbled down his neck and soaked into his shirt. “H-Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Umm, you texted me.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Tadashi reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Had the days blended together so badly that he couldn’t even remember making plans to meet up with you? When he opened his messages with you, he knew exactly what happened. He didn’t text like that but you know who did? Hiro.

“Fucking Hiro.” He ran his fingers through his wet hair.

“That makes more sense.” You let out a breathy laugh. “S-so do you like want me to go home, orrrr?”

Tadashi yelped a little too loudly, “No!- um, no. I don’t want you to leave, unless you want to go home.”

“No I’ll stay.”

Tadashi invited you inside and sat down at the kitchen island to just sit, silently thanking divine intervention for him taking a shower before you got there . A few beats and declined beverage offers later he spoke up. “So how are you?”

“Okay,” You nearly slapped your hand over your forehead. The two of you could not live like this anymore. “Tadashi, what are we doing?”

“What do you mean?” He froze.

“Just we aren’t on the same page. And that’s not us, we’re always on the same page. It’s like we’re strangers to each other. I don’t want to feel like a stranger to my boyfriend.”

Tadashi immediately went into panic mode and started reassuring you. “You’re not a stranger to me and I’m so sorry I’m making you feel that way I just-”

He stopped. You knew about his winter bouts of depression but you didn’t know the extent of how often they could happen. Nobody did. Tadashi wasn’t one to burden people and if he thought he could handle it he wouldn’t bother ask for help. He never asked for help doing projects, never asked for a ride to school, never asked Aunt Cass to turn in a library book for him. He probably should have told you about his new episode, you’d understand he knows you would and thinking about it he can’t really come up with a good reason for not telling you. Because the phrase “I just didn’t want to bother you” is horseshit no matter how true it is.

Your voice got softer as you leaned forward and touched your hand to his. “What’s wrong.”

“It’s back,” He whispered so quietly you could barely hear him. “Since our fight it’s been back and it’s getting worse.”

He didn’t need to say what “it” was. If it was seasonal depression he would call it that but it wasn’t. It was the kind of thing he got whenever his parents death anniverys came or when he just woke up randomly and couldn’t even muster up enough every to roll out of bed and onto the floor.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You cooed at him gently.

I just didn’t want to bother you. But he didn’t say that out loud, instead he just shrugged his shoulders and felt his eyes start to sting with tears. “I-I’m sorry.”

You were going to cry. You leaned forward and gave him a hug, his head resting in the nook of your neck. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Are you doing okay?”

He answered honestly. “Not really, but I’m feeling better.”

You two sat there engluphed together in silence as he listened to your pulse and you ran your fingertips up and down his spine.

Oh my good looking boy.

“Oh no, you know what I just realized.” You said still holding him close to you.

He muttered into your skin, “What?”

“We just had a communication fight.”

Fuck, you’d never had one of those before. Sure you’d get into arguments but you’d never had a problem because of a lack of communication until now. Even though you swore you would never be one of those couples. Shit just happens.

Maybe it was because he thought it was funny, or because you were the one to say it, or it was both but Tadashi started laughing. Truly laughing for the first time in weeks. His back heaved up and down as he laughed until he lifted his head from your neck and pressed his forehead to yours.

“I love you, so much.” He whispered, loud enough just for you. Only for you.

You ran your thumbs over the skin on his face. “I love you too, okay? Always will, remember that.”

You’ll fight again eventually over whatever. But something had changed since then. Whatever it was you doubted that you would ever run into a communication problem again.

Hours later when Hiro and Aunt Cass came home they found you and Tadashi laying on the floor next to piles of folded clothes. You’d been working to help him clean his side of the room, and a three part murder mystery playing in the background.

[upsidedownwithsteve]

DAY TWO: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Eddie had counted the days by scoring lines into his bedroom wall, jagged and ugly and uneven. It wasn’t even his room, not really. His stuff was there, his guitar - the strings close to breaking with how much he’d played it, some of his comics, his old painted figurines.

Everything was just covered in vines, wet and overwhelming, taking up space on the walls, the floor, winding around his kitchen counters and sneaking into the empty fridge. He wasn’t sure how was still alive. He stopped questioning it somewhere around the one hundred and thirtieth day. And on day two hundred, he realised no one was coming for him.

Everyone thought he was dead.

Eddie wasn’t really sure that he wasn’t.

But he was standing and walking and breathing and when he moved around the upside down, he realised that depending on where he went, he could hear pockets of his old life. Eddie wasn’t sure how, in fact, sometimes he thought he was imagining it. Dustin’s voice near the school - empty in front of Eddie, filled only with vines and dust - but he could stand by the lockers and hear the kids voices, faded and far away, never able to answer.

On some days, If he walked into town, ducking behind rusted cars to hide from flying creatures, he could hear Steve and Robin quietly bickering behind the counter of Family Video. Eddie had tried to call to them, tried to flash the lights like they had before but nothing seemed to work. Not even the time when he lost it, kicking over stand after stand until every video tape was on the floor, crushed under his boots.

He didn’t like to hang around his trailer often. He didn’t like to hear Wayne. Not when all the old man did was cry.

So Eddie scored another line in the wall of the room that wasn’t really his room and he headed outside before Wayne came home.

December twenty fourth. Christmas Eve.

There was stuff falling from the sky, white but not snow, a strange kind of ash that seemed to come and go without rhyme or reason, this dimension defying the laws of day and night, seasons and weather.

It was just always dark.

Except now, as he headed towards the park that day desolate in the middle of town, a glow came from amongst the trees. It twinkled faintly, different colours blinking in and out of view from the bare branches, the shadow of something that was never there - not in this world, not here.

It came from above, from where things stood the right side up, the afterglow of fairy lights that were hung between the canopies, red, green, purple, orange and blue. Every now and then they blinked in the air, the reflection of a tiny bulb in mid air, no real wires to be seen.

It was like there was a gate left open, a tiny crack between worlds that sometimes let things slip in. Always in, never out. Eddie had tried. Eddie had tried so hard. But these cracks in the worlds gave him lights and the voices of his friends and now, as he sat on a rotting bench underneath the bare bone trees, he heard the faint sounds of people singing.

It was a ghostly noise, too far away to be too loud, faint and haunting, the sounds of Christmas carollers from a world he couldn’t see. But Eddie sat in the empty park and listened, his pale cheeks lit up in aquamarine and cherry red every time those little lights flashed.

And when the singing finished and he was sure he could hear a bell tower somewhere, he counted down and bowed his head, staring at the winding vines that were crawling up the leg of the bench, inching towards him and his somehow still beating heart.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispered.

He wasn’t sure who he was talking to. Maybe himself. Maybe no one.

But somewhere, in their houses and outside of church and amongst the cheer of the holiday celebrations in Hawkins park, some people heard him.

[trickago]

your father's blood will be your blood until you're both rotting in the ground. when you stare in the mirror, his face will be glaring back at you with the utter disdain and disappointment only a father can truly have.

id in alt text, sources below

Sources:

Fall Out Boy's Patrick Stump Breaks Down Cinematic New Song "Church" / Franz Kafka’s letter to his father / Life Magazine February 3, 2006 / “American Made” – Fall Out Boy / Pete Wentz's blog - archived / myheartisbetweenmyknees June 22, 2006 / petewentz on instagram / “Love From the Other Side” – Fall Out Boy / Field of Dreams / myheartisbetweenmyknees May 17, 2006 / taylorstuck on Instagram / The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon / stagecoachesbecomepumpkins December 2006 / Ocean Vuong / “Family Tree (Intro)” - Ethel Cain / “Origin Story” by Desireé Dallagiacomo / James Baldwin Reflects on ‘Go Tell It’ PBS Film in the New York Times / Pete Wentz interview with Rock Sound - archived

[shittyassffblog]

I'll be home for Christmas

Noah Sebastian x Reader

I recently saw some interview where Noah said he doesn't really go home for the holidays, so I decided to insert myself into that lol.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, Noah smokes a cig (cause I saw a picture of him doing that at some point and decided to include it), tell me if there's more!

Also this was written months ago but I just didn't think a Christmas fic in September was really that fitting lol

Snow was falling outside your window as you listened to Noah streaming. It was an old stream, but he was in a plane on the way back home from Europe, so you couldn't talk to him. Anxiety filled your chest thinking about not talking to him. It's not like you were completely lost without him, you just didn't want him to die in a plane crash. You used to track his flight on an app on your phone, but after all these years of being friends with him (and having a huge crush on him) and him touring you learned to not get too caught up in your anxiety. Almost.

His voice from the old stream playing on your laptop, him laughing brought you back to reality and you realised it was 1 am. You decided you might as well go to sleep since he wouldn't be landing until 7 am the next day. You were flying out to LA in a couple of days, meaning the 24th of December, and you couldn't wait to see him. He didn't know you were coming, you had made sure of that, getting the rest of the band to make sure he knew absolute nothing about it.

He wasn't going back home, he had decided to just stay in LA and work on the music while the rest of the guys went home to their families. You felt bad for Noah, not having anyone to go home to. You had offered months ago to let him come to your house but he, in his words, 'don't wanna intrude'. So you folded and planned out your surprise for him.

You got up, went to your bathroom and washed the make up off your face. As you dried your face you looked at your reflection and sighed. The anxiety wouldn't leave your body and you just knew sleep would be hard to come by tonight. You brushed your teeth and exited the bathroom, turning off the lights on the way out. Walking back into your room you paused the stream and closed your laptop and set it on the floor beside your bed, getting under the covers.

As you suspected, you wouldn't sleep for the next 2 hours, finger hovering over the app icon for the flight tracker app on the last page on your Home Screen. You decided against it, and chose to doom scroll Reddit instead, falling asleep reading about someones asshole mother in law.

--

You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing on your glass nightstand, the vibrations your phone making the glass ring loudly in your ear. You grumbled and protested the sound, but to no avail, so you gave up and grabbed the phone. Looking at the screen you saw Noah's happy face smiling back at you. He was FaceTime-ing you and you accepted the call, his face showing up shortly after.

"What do you wanttttt" You said grumpily. His face was really close up to the camera and he looked goofy as hell. He pulled the phone from his face to smile at you.

"Just wanted to ease your anxiety, I know you don't do well with that." He said and you couldn't help but smile at that.

"Well I was sleeping so I wasn't anxious was i." You said in a teasing tone. He chuckled lightly.

"Should I go then? So you can sleep?" He asked, softening his voice.

"No I won't be able to sleep anymore. I'll probably sleep in an hour though." You said, pulling yourself up in a sitting position.

"Good morning sunshine!" He said and you chuckled a little.

"Had a nice flight?" You asked, rubbing your eyes to get rid of the sleep.

"it was alright, slept most of it though. Jolly went home to Sweden so he's been home for hours, wish that was me." He said laughing a little.

"What about the others, did they fly with you?" You asked, resting your head on your hand.

"No they went straight home to Virginia so I was all alone." He said. You could sense some sadness in his voice, but you knew if you mentioned it he would just deny it so you let it be.

"Well good thing you woke me up then, I can keep you company. And you me, while I make pancakes." You joked as you pulled the covers off of you and went into your kitchen.

"Oh yay." He deadpanned and you both laughed.

-

"Do you think I would look good with a neck tattoo?" You asked and Noah snorted.

"Why would you want that?" He asked.

"You have one! Multiple!" You said incredulously.

"I'm also in a metal band! and have tattoos everywhere else! You hav like, 6 tattoos and they're all stick and poke" He said and you looked at him. He had a point.

"Well just you wait until I get my hands on a tattoo machine, I'll have more tattoos than you before you even know what hit ya!" You said turning your attention back to the drawing you were working on. You heard his chuckle through the phone and it brought a smile to your face.

"Are you sure I shouldn't ask Nick if he could give you some tips? Help you start? You know he would love it, he could be your mentor!" Noah asked, eyes wide as if he had come up with the cure for cancer. You had thought about it, but you never felt like you were good enough to be an apprentice.

"No it's okay Noah. I'm not even sure if I'm good enough for that." You said, the drawing on your iPad taking shape. Without noticing you had drawn Noah from memory (and with some reference to the picture on your phone screen), and it was turning out really good.

"Of course you are! I've seen your drawings, they're really good! Better than most tattoo artists let me tell you that." He said and you both chuckled.

"Yeah well I'm still not sure." You said and he made a little 'hmpf' noise that you of course mocked. Silence fell between you as you concentrated on your drawing and he his computerscreen which had Logic booted up. He was working on new music when you had called and he told you it was good you called, since he hadn't drank any water or went to the bathroom in a few hours.

You started on his hair, the way it swooped across the top of his forehead and how it waved. Then his eyebrows, and how perfectly shaped they were with so little effort. His stubble, which was showing through right now as he sat staring at his own screen, the light from it illuminating his face with a soft glow. He was wearing glasses, so the screen was mirrored in the reflection on them. You always liked his glasses, they were very round and kind of feminine but they suited his face well. You were lost in your train of thought when a loud noise erupted from your phone and Noah was gone.

"What happened? Noah?" You asked, concern lacing your voice.

"I'm okay! Just fell off my chair." He said laughing. You started laughing too.

"This is why I tell you to not tilt on your chair!" You said between laughs.

"I know I know, I just get distracted sometimes." He said. "It really hurt though" He said, but a smile was very present on his face.

"Want me to blow on it? Kiss it better?" You said teasingly, shaking your head.

"That actually would be very nice," He said softly.

"Shame I'm so far away though." You said, knowing full well you'd see him the day after.

"Can you like, fly out here?" He asked, an expression on his face you very rarely seen. Only on occasions where he was talking about his wildest dreams had you seen such a look. It made your heart soar.

"'Fraid I can't sweet, gonna go see the family." You said, trying to keep your face as normal as possible.

"That sucks...I mean, not for you, you get to see family, but I don't get to see you." He said, looking down at his keyboard.

"Maybe if you make a Christmas wish it'll come true." You said, smiling lightly.

"Alright, cringe." He scoffed and you both laughed.

"Anyway I gotta go to bed. Hope the song turns out good." You said, smiling at him.

"Yeah yeah I won't keep you. Safe flight and text me when you land okay?" He said, reaching for the end call button.

"Yeah of course." You said. He smiled a small smile and ended the call. You felt a little bad lying to him, but you knew you'd see him in about 10 hours, even if he didn't know that. You just hoped he went to bed before that. You decided to text him to go to bed just in case he forgot.

Go to bed btw. Before you get square eyes from staring at that screen.

You put your phone down and packed the last of your stuff. After a few moments you got a text back.

Excuse me m'am but I am already in bed.

You laughed as he sent the picture and liked it.

Good boy.

You put your phone down and went to get to bed before leaving for Los Angeles in the morning.

-

"This is the final boarding call for flight 372A to Los Angeles departing from Gate 3"

You hurried along the long walkway down to your gate. You tucked your carry-on along after you and had your boarding pass in the other hand with a panicked expression on your face. You were gonna make it, your anxiety just wanted you to believe different.

"Hi I'm here I'm here!" You called as the last few passengers were boarding and the lady at the doors smiled tightly at you. You handed her your boarding pass and she looked at it and scanned it. It was 6:45 in the morning and you were so tired you had fallen asleep in an airport café and woke up to someone shaking you for your seat. You had looked at your watch and shoved the rest of your croissant in your mouth before grabbing your stuff and speeding off to catch your flight.

"There you are miss. Safe flight." The lady said and you muttered a quick 'thanks' in her general direction before hurrying into the plane. It was surprisingly empty for the 24th of December, but you still sat in your own seat in the middle of the plane by the window. It was still dark, but you couldn't wait to see the high up view of New York as your flight sailed through the sky to sunny LA. You enjoyed the view as long as you could but eventually you started yawning twice in a minute so you put in your AirPods and wrapped your blanket around you and tried to fall asleep to a Christmas jazz playlist you had downloaded. It didn't take long for you to fall asleep to the soft piano playing in your ears and before you knew it you were awoken by the flight attendant telling you that the plane was landing soon.

You packed your things again and waited until the plane was safely on the ground to turn off airplane mode and see three texts from Noah.

When were you landing again? I forgot.

I miss talking to you seriously. I'm just gonna go to bed again until you land.

Okay seriously wtf why is your plane so slow?

You chuckled at the last one and locked your phone so you could exit the plane. You decided not to answer him, deciding that knocking on his door would be the best way to tell him you landed safely.

Even though the plane was pretty empty it didn't mean the airport was. It took you easily 40 minutes to get your luggage but you decided to just be happy it was there and went to get a Christmas drink from Starbucks.

Exiting the airport you were affronted by the heat compared to New York. You took off your sweater and booked an Uber on your phone to Noahs house. Soon after, it arrived and you got into the backseat after putting your luggage in the back. You said hi to the driver and asked him if you could play some Christmas music. He smiled and obliged, wishing you a merry Christmas, which you returned with a smile. It took about 45 minuted to get to Noahs house so now it was 11:45 and you hoped Noah would wake up soon.

You arrived at the address you had given the driver, and tipped him extra for the inconvenience of driving on Christmas Eve and he thanked you profusely while emptying the trunk from your luggage. He drove off and you turned your head towards the door to Noahs house and smiled. You walked up to the door, took a deep breath and rung the doorbell.

Nothing.

You tried again.

Still nothing. Was he not home?

You tried ringing it five times in a row and soon you heard heavy footsteps trotting to the front door, Noah grumbling before opening the door.

"what in the hell- Y/N." He said, first angry but his expression softened when he saw it was you.

"Merry Christmas!" You said, smiling widely. He still didn't react.

"I'm sorry, am I still asleep and this is a dream?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Nope, I just lied a little, but I thought it was worth it." You said, hands behind your back and turning slightly to the left anf right. He started to smile, and then, before you could realise what happened, he ran out the door and grabbed you around your thighs to lift you up and swing you around.

"How did you get here? you should have told me, I would have picked you up? Oh my god I'm so happy to see you!" He said, putting you down and hugging you so tight you barely could breathe.

"Oh I can take an Uber, if it means I can get a hug like that." You said, removing some of your hair from your face. He looked down at you in adoration and you felt a tiny burst of butterflies in you stomach.

"Well what about your family?" He asked and you rolled your eyes.

"You're the only family I need." You said and he smiled even brighter. He took your luggage from your hand and then took your hand, dragging you inside the house. Harper came running to you, eager to say hi and you fell to your knees to give her a proper rub behind her ears.

"I'm not the only one who missed you." Noah said and you smiled up at him. He had this expression on his face that you hadn't seen before. It was like some sort of clarity or realisation.

"You okay?" You asked as you stood up and he nodded.

"Yeah I'm just really happy to see you. Did you have breakfast?" He asked and turned around and only now did you realise he wasn't wearing anything but underwear. You cleared your throat and sat yourself at the kitchen island.

"No I didn't wanna eat airplane food at 7 am." You said chuckling.

"Well good, cause I was gonna make pancakes." He said smiling back at you. You looked around the living room and noticed there wasn't a tree anywhere.

"Where's your tree?" You asked and he glanced back at you with a guilty expression.

"Noah Sebastian where is your goddamn tree?" You said, and he turned around.

"Look I didn't see the point in getting one when it was just gone a be me and Harper!" He said, hands up in defence.

"That's it, after we devour these pancakes, you're gonna get changed and we're gonna have a Christmas Day together." You said, slamming your hand on the marble countertop.

"Okay, and what does that entail?" He asked, pouring batter onto a pan.

"We'll get a Christmas tree, get decorations, get mulled wine-"

"I hate mulled wine"

"We're gonna get mulled wine and we're gonna get some presents to put under the tree so it'll actually feel like Christmas." You said, and he could hear from your tone that he didn't have much of a choice.

"Alright fine. But I'm not putting on a Christmas sweater." He said.

-

A few hour later you were heading out of the door, Noah and you wearing a Christmas sweater each. Noah went to open the door for you and you said a short 'why thank you sir' and it took him just a second too long to start walking to his own side of the car after he closed the door for you. You shrugged it off as nothing though.

You were driving to the nearest Christmas tree market after you got some hot chocolates. You got out of the car and Noah cam around the car to wrap his arm around your shoulder as you walked Amon the tree trying to find a good one.

"What about this one? You asked Noah. It was a beautiful 6'6" tree that was full and green.

"I can't have a tree taller than me, that's embarrassing. Also do you know how much decoration we would need to buy to fill up that tree?" He said, pointing at the tree with his hot chocolate in his hand. He took a sip and continued. "Can't have that, we gotta find something smaller." You sighed and kept walking.

"This one however," He said, walking over to a smaller but still as full tree as the one before. "This one is perfect. 6 feet even probably, that's way better." He said smiling.

"Told you you needed a tree, look how happy you are!" You said grabbing his arm. You noticed it had gotten bigger since you last saw him a few months ago.

"Well I didn't say I didn't need one, just that I didn't see a point when it was just me." he said

"And Harper." You added.

"And Harper. We need to get her a present too." He said as he waved over the guy who cuts down the trees. "We'll take this one!" He said gleefully.

"As you wish sir!" The guy said and happily took the tree to get it packaged. "This your first Christmas together?" he asked Noah.

"Yes, is it that obvious?" Noah asked laughing as he swung his arm around your shoulders again.

"Well the Christmas spirit is wild this year, so many new couples have their first Christmas together." He said laughing heartily. You blushed thinking he thought you were a couple but neither you nor Noah said anything. You held Noah cup as him and the guy got the tree fastened to the top of his car and you drove back home to drop it off before going shopping.

"Okay let's give each other 30 minutes and whatever we find in those 30 minutes are presents to each other. Then we'll find a present for Harper together." Noah said and you nodded. You went your separate ways and started hunting for presents. You decided to head to a music store, and find some new strings for Noahs guitars, some picks and a kazoo, just for fun. You then went to a few clothing stores and picked up a few pieces you knew he would love. You then wen't and got some Liquid Deaths from the kiosk. You had 5 minutes left so you decided to go to the bathroom before you had to meet Noah again.

While you were there you overheard some girls talking outside the stalls.

"Oh my god I can't believe we met Noah! Fucking Noah Sebastian." said one of them.

"Yeah! Oh my god he's so hot I can't believe it." The other said. You chuckled quietly at that.

"Like I'm actually gonna cry the day he gets married, did you see what he was buying? He definitely wasn't buying that for himself." The first one said. You wondered what he was buying that clearly was not for himself.

"Oh he for sure has a girl. She's so lucky. Just glad we didn't catch him in Victoria's Secret, my heart wouldn't have handled it." The second one said and they laughed as they exited the bathroom. You couldn't stop smiling as you washed your hands and grabbed the bag full of his presents. You felt your phone vibrate as you got out of the bathroom.

Hey you done soon? I've been waiting ages!

You laughed and sent back a text.

Alright calm your tits, I was just in the bathroom. Where are you?

You walked slowly as you waited for him to respond.

By the entrance, come on we have to get to target too.

You smiled big at that, he knew you loved Target more than any other store. You skipped along until you reached the entrance and Noah waiting just outside, smoking a cigarette. You didn't like to admit that you found it kinda hot when he did that.

"Hey, ready to go?" You asked as you came outside.

"Yeah, let's go!" He said, putting out his cigarette and throwing the bud in the trash.

You walked to his car and you noticed two girls staring at you. You smiled to yourself and wrapped an arm around Noahs waist, his arm automatically wrapping around your shoulder. You felt so safe in his arms.

Next stop was Target which took you at least another hour and a half to get through, but they had a lot of cute Christmas decorations that you had decided Noah absolutely couldn't live without. While you were there you found a cute plushie for Harper that she would no doubt devour within a week. As you got out of the store it was already getting pretty dark and you thanked yourself for buying food while you were there.

"I feel absolutely exhausted." You said as you buckled your seatbelt to drive home.

"You can just go take a bath when we get home while I get dinner ready." Noah said and smiled towards you. You nodded and smiled back at him, while putting on some music.

When you got home you tried to help Noah unpack, but he just shooed you away with your new bath soaps that he helped pick out. You started the water for the top as you went back to Noahs room to pick out the clothes you were gonna wear afterwards. You decided on a nice shirt, since it was Christmas Eve after all and long black skirt to go with it. And since you were feeling extra christmassy, that's what your underwear conveyed too.

You went back to the bathroom and turned on some music on your phone as you relaxed into the water. While you relaxed you thought about the amazing day you had with Noah and how happy you were to be here. Much better than being back home in Iowa, where your parents would have nothing else to talk abou than how boring your life was to them. You decided not to think about that, and Instead thought about how Noah would react to the presents you got him and what he might have gotten you.

You could feel yourself get happier and happier and decided to empty the bathtub and just shower normally, so you could go help Noah in the kitchen.

When you walked into the kitchen you watched as Noah hummed along to the music he had put on, while swaying his body in time with the rhythm.

"You need any help?" You asked and he yelped in shock. He turned around, clutching his heart.

"Jesus Y/N, you scared me! No I'm good, just sit your pretty butt down and I'll do the rest." He said shaking his head at you. Despite the fake-hard tone in his voice you blushed when he called you pretty.

Soon after, the dinner was ready and Noah joined you as he gave you your plate.

"Dig in, I hope it tastes good!" He said cheerfully and you obliged happily, being hungry from all the Christmas fun you'd had that day. The food was good and you sat and talked about the different things that had happened that day.

"And then I met these two girls that were fans of Bad Omens so that was cool." Noah said and you laughed a little. "What?" he asked and you finished chewing so you could tell him what happened in the bathroom.

"So now I'm really curious what you were buying that so obviously weren't for you!" You said and you both laughed.

"Well that will have to wait for tomorrow. You wanna decorate the tree now?" He asked and you nodded excitedly. He gathered your plates and yet again he waved you away when you tried to help. You decided instead to unbox all the decorations for the tree so you could start decorating. When he was done with the dishes he joined you and you put on the Christmas jazz playlist you had listened to on the way here.

"I didn't know jazz was your thing?" Noah asked and you shrugged.

"It has its good sides. Bringing Christmas vibes to a place where it doesn't snow is one of them." You said and he chuckled at that. After the tree was nicely decorated, you sat down with a beer each and admired your handiwork.

"Oh wait, forgot something." Noah said and got up. You knew what he meant when he showed you the star you had picked out earlier.

"Of course, how could we forget?" You asked as you got up as well.

"Do you wanna do it?" He asked.

"No we can do it together." You said, holding the star on the opposite side he was. You both smiled as you placed the star on the top branch. Neither of you were letting go, but your stare was directed at each other.

"Y/N, I think I have something to tell you." Noah said and you looked down at his lips. You had a feeling you knew where this was going. You decided to take a leap.

"Why don't you just show me?" You asked, looking back at his eyes. They were wide and hopeful, and you swore you could get lost in the darkness of them. He inched closer to you, so you did the same. You could feel his breath on your face and your own hitched, not sure if this was dream or reality. You lips touched and you melted into each other. You hands let go of the star in favour of holding each other, and in the glimmer of the string lights your hearts found each other at last, your lips moving together and the only thing except soft piano and the sound of your lips moving together was heard.

When you finally parted, you only moved so far apart that you could see each other.

"Was that clear enough of an answer?" You asked and you both started laughing in the glee of finally being truthful with each others feelings.

"Yeah I think that's pretty clear, but I might have to have you repeat it, just to be sure." He said and you kissed once more.

[thegayloragenda]

Okay I want to put all of my current predictions out here (these are subject to change, of course):

• I think this show is going to get a little more colorful or a little bit more gay with each show because I think she’s running out the clock.

• I am CLOWNING for an eventual pronoun change during surprise songs.

• I think Karlie will probably show up again. And if she shows up for the rep announcement I will die dead.

• I’m also clowning for a rainbow variation of every outfit or perhaps a debutation variation if she plans to drop them together. Maybe a karma outfit. Idk. I don’t really know what is coming next in regard to music or if there will be anything (what if she just went black out for a year and then dropped rep next December 😂).

• I’m split because I think she’s either going to continue this Travis stunt until the Super Bowl or she’ll break up with him while on tour (if it’s real that’s totally fine but the way this relationship has been crammed down our throats gives me the ick so bad). I have no idea how that breakup will go down especially since they’ve made an entire Christmas movie about this relationship.

• I’m still assuming we’ll get a proposal / breakup.

Overall, I don’t think Taylor Swift would pander to this side of the fandom the way she has if she didn’t have a plan to blow everything up. I assume she’s a good person. I assume she’s supportive of the fans who see her. I’ve been in this fandom long enough to know what it looks like when she’s in the closet and when she isn’t. The closet isn’t even glass anymore. The closet is just invisible at this point so if she’s just a straight girl who loves rainbows, she’s absolutely diabolical in the very worst ways.

And before anyone comes for me, yes she can be bi or pan or whatever she wants to be. I don’t care about muses or labels. I notice patterns and I can’t help but connect the dots. I see bi and lesbian dresses and her calling attention to them so that’s where my focus is. I care about freedom for her (whatever that looks like) and I also think some clarity about who she actually is will help a lot of us decide if we want to keep supporting her and giving her our money. I’m placing my bet on her being who I think she is so I’m here to support her until the end of this roller coaster ride.

I will make a post on the final day of this tour but I just want to say this: I have had the TIME OF MY LIFE in this labyrinth. I have made lifelong friends because of this side of the fandom. Thank you to ALL of my friends on here who have followed me and commented on my posts and said such kind things. Thank you to everyone who has messaged me their insights and theories. And finally, thank you to my fans who have messaged me your homophobic, brain-rotted hate comments. Good luck in the aftermath!

And to Taylor (if you ever see this), thank you for keeping my mind so stimulated. I will probably never get dementia because of you. You have been so good for my brain health. Thank you for teaching me about my own history as a queer girlie. Thank you for helping me heal my relationship with my neurodivergent self. Thank you for being the “mother” who saw me when my own mother just talks about how gross and wrong gay people are. Thank you for being kind and strong and brave in the face of shame and fear and danger. Thank you for leading a revolution of New Romantics! No one does it like you, girl. I love you so much. I hope you got a giggle over the chaos and the wrong predictions. I hope this tour brought you joy and hope and peace and healing. I know I haven’t always seen eye to eye with some of your choices, but I do respect you and I do hope the rest of your life is sunshine and rainbows and you get to hug your mom forever and take really long naps with your person after all of this is over. Long live 💜

Update: I do think the election plays a big role in how loud she can be. @casuallycruel131313 pointed this out, too. We’ll get way more once Kamala has been elected! I think Canada shows will be wildddd.

[cherryhak]

YOUR TOUCH

Pairing. Lee Heeseung X reader

Genre. Fluff - situationship - best friends to lovers

Warnings. Mention of alcohol but no one’s rlly drinking

WC. 1.6k (1661)

Note : HEAVILY inspired by this fic (go read it i swear you won’t regret it). Also i haven’t posted since december omg 😭😭 this has been rotting in my notes for sooo long and i finally decided to finish it. Enjoy x

With his face buried in the crook of your neck and your hands tangled in his hair, you couldn’t help but let your mind travel back to the previous events that took place a few hours ago.

It wasn’t unusual for Heeseung to hold you close to him in the late hours of the day nor was it odd for him to bury his face in your neck the way he currently was but what was odd was him holding you like this in front of other people.

After your six long years of friendship, Heeseung and you both came to an agreement that would benefit the both of you.

You clearly were touch starved and so was he.

So naturally Heeseung, being the good friend he was, came up with the idea of you holding one another.

It did sound kind of weird at first but after giving it a second thought you found it to be a good idea.

I mean, two friends hugging each other, where’s the hurt in that ?

You decided to keep this side of your friendship behind closed doors in order to not raise any suspicions or judgment from your other friends.

Heeseung would cling onto you while you were cooking or lay on your lap when having a movie night together.

You would run your fingers through his hair as his would run along your arms when you both cuddled. It felt nice to have someone to hold close to you despite not being in a relationship.

Nothing has changed between you two, your dynamic was still the same it has been for the past 6 years of knowing each other. The only change being ; you would cuddle daily.

You would sleep together, tightly holding one another, without overstepping any boundaries.

You made it clear that this agreement was only up until one of you found a partner that would feed your needs but this has been going on for the past 9 months now. Not that you complained at all, but during those nine months you might or might not have developed some stronger feelings for the man...

“Stronger” as in not just friendly, platonic love.

You tried to burry those feelings as you knew well that he could never return them and that it would be foolish of you to think he ever would.

It didn’t seem like he put much thought about this situation-ship you two were in.

But it felt as if the more you tried to push these feelings away, the stronger they got.

You decided to just enjoy it while it lasted because you knew this would one day come to an end as you were sure he didn’t see you as more than a best friend.

Or you were almost sure.

Because when you pushed open the door of the fancy house in which was thrown a party you were not invited to, your eyes instinctively scanned through the sea of people, looking for the one and only Lee Heeseung.

It wasn’t too hard to find him given the fact that he was taller than most people here.

You locked eyes with him and his face lit up upon seeing that you actually came to the party you said you wouldn’t attend (you gave in to his endless whining about how “it would be so boring without you there”).

You made your way through the crowd as best as you could, trying to reach your small group of friends.

Heeseung extended a hand in your direction which you strongly grasped, helping you out of the crowd and smoothly pulling you to his side.

“You came” he smiled as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders swiftly.

You didn’t think much about the action, the way his arm nonchalantly hung around you just made it seem like two close friends standing next to each other. And everybody here knew the two of you have been best friends for a while now.

The evening went on smoothly, as smooth as Heeseung’s unoccupied hand was when it made it’s way to your waist, lightly caressing your exposed skin.

As smooth as his arm, that was originally slung over your shoulders, caged your front and brought your body closer to his.

You shot him a confused glare only to find him already looking down at you with a small smile on his lips. He simply shrugged at your confused face and tugged you in closer to his chest, resting his head on top of yours and leaving you even more baffled at his rather out-of-character behaviour.

A few of your friends sent you questioning looks to which you replied back with obvious confusion written in your eyes, signalling them that you also had no idea of what was currently going on.

And you weren’t lying— you really didn’t know why he was acting this way in front of so many people. This was something he would do when he came over and you were both in the comfort of your small apartment with no one watching.

When did he get this bold ?

Why was he getting so close to you when everyone could see ?

Both of his arms were now wrapped around your shoulders as he correctly rearranged his head over yours, fully back hugging you.

He started to rock your bodies from left to right slowly in a comforting way.

You looked like a literal couple and it obviously didn’t go unnoticed by your friends.

“Hold on are you guys a thing ?” One of your friends, Jake, cautiously asked, eyebrow raised in curiosity.

Your eyes widened for a millisecond and you gulped in slight panic.

Trying your best to seem unfazed by the sudden but not unexpected question, you were about to answer when you felt Heeseung stop his motion and beat you to it.

“No we’re not”

Oh wow, why did this kinda hurt ?

A part of you somehow hoped he would have had a different answer, that he would’ve pretended you guys were a thing.

But what’s worse between denying and pretending ?

Jake was quick to catch on to the disappointment that flashed through your eyes and chuckled to himself before looking back to Heeseung.

“Then you wouldn’t mind of if i asked her out, right ?”

Your eyes almost popped out of their sockets as you looked at Jake in shock but the boy shot you a reassuring glance telling you to not worry. He was actually helping you out.

This man is truly an angel, isn’t he ?

Heeseung’s hold grew tighter around your shoulders, holding you as if you could run away at any moment.

“In your dreams Sim Jaeyun”

And when you thought your heart couldn’t beat any faster…

The obvious possessiveness lacing his voice caused your friends to shout all kind of things, all along the lines of “you two being in a secret relationship and hiding it from them this whole time” and “Heeseung being jealous”

And this only fed your delusions and your growing feelings for the boy currently holding you.

Was he really jealous ? It could be the alcohol though…

Your eyes traveled to the red cup discarded on the counter and you could clearly see that the liquid inside it didn’t down one bit ever since you arrived.

So this couldn’t be it..

Was he putting on a show for the others ?

I mean, why would he do this ?

So many questions ran through your mind and in a blink of an eye Heeseung and you found yourselves on your way (to your) home and on your sofa with his head ,as said before, buried in the crook of your neck and your hands tangled in his hair.

The questions did not stop though. Your mind kept replaying the way his arms tightened around you when Jake asked if he could take you out.

He could easily lie about not liking you but you were smart enough to not miss his body language. But then again you maybe overthought this whole thing and he could just be messing with you.

You decided that the only way to find answers to your questions was to ask him directly.

So without thinking twice you blurted out his name, breaking the comforting silence that surrounded you.

The boy simply hummed in your neck, indicating that he was listening to whatever you had to say.

“Do you like me ?”

Heeseung lifted his head from the comfortable spot between your neck and your shoulder, looking up at you with a somewhat deadpan expression on his face.

“What do you think ?”

Huh.

You furrowed your eyebrows at his answer. That was definitely not what you expected.

Heeseung lightly chuckled at your confused expression before answering. “You’re either really stupid or you’re doing it on purpose”

You stayed silent at that -rather, you’ve been silenced- which earned another laugh from the boy.

“Why do you think i proposed this whole arrangement nine months ago, hm ?”

When you didn’t answer he leaned his face closer and closer to yours until your lips were only a few inches apart, brushing against each other.

“Maybe i should show you then” he whispered before connecting your lips together in a tender kiss that you, obviously, returned.

The kiss didn’t last long but enough to speak both of your feelings without a word.

“Does it answer your question ?” He asked, bumping his nose into yours cutely.

You too decided to answer by connecting your lips once again in a longer and more passionate kiss this time, spilling the unspoken longing and hidden feelings into it.

You both pulled apart after some time due to the lack of oxygen.

Heeseung pecked your lips one last time, then your chin before locking eyes with you, smiling tenderly.

“I was not just touch starved, i was starved of your touch”

[a-dreamersjournal]

I'm still here.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and now July is at my Doorsteps. Half of the year, gone with the wind.

Nothing is as it used to be, but nothing has changed either. The expression I wear is the same as one I wore in December, but somehow it looks more haunting. Robbed of flickering hope that was behind these dead eyes months ago.

Seasons have changed, falling leaves paved way for fresh flowers to bloom as Hot chocolates were replaced by Fresh and cool lemonades. But as usual, no fire or heat was enough to warm up the dead cold heart that's barely beating inside my chest.

Always freezing.

Everything is going round and round in circles, but I'm always here.

At the centre of it all. Immovable.

I'm always still, and everything I do to escape myself just ends up pulling me deeper within the fragility of my own existence.

I'm still here.

Until I rot away with the dying greens, or fly away with the broken petals...until I'm claimed by mother Nature again, I'll be here.

Counting days.

I'll always be.

[the-sunflower-room]

✧spending christmas with akutagawa✧

akutagawa x fem!reader headcanons

☆note: this got way out of hand lol, i just couldn’t stop thinking of cute christmas scenarios with him. happy holidays!

☆warnings: slightly suggestive, playful teasing, angst if you squint (aku needs a hug). otherwise just tooth rotting holiday fluff!

⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄

-akutagawa was new to the whole christmas thing.

-he knew of the holiday, sure, but with his traumatic past and busy adult life, he just never had any reason to celebrate

-the port mafia wasn’t exactly a festive work place

-plus, who would he even buy gifts for?

-maybe gin, but since the siblings had never celebrated before, he just didn’t see the point

-that is until y/n came along

-her passion for the holiday was a little baffling to him when december rolled around

-he just stands and watches in bewilderment as she runs around and covers their entire apartment with decorations

-“why exactly do we need all of this?” he questions her in the kitchen with one eyebrow raised, unsure of why their dishes, mugs, and hand towels need to be christmas themed

-“because it’s cute and gets me in the holiday spirit! these plates are my favorite,” she beams with that smile of hers that makes his heart stop

-he can’t argue with that

-she absolutely makes him help put up the tree

-as much as he groans and complains and says he doesn’t want to do it, he honestly just loves spending time with her and doing anything that makes her happy

-he even uses rashomon to hang ornaments on the tallest parts of the tree

-who needs a ladder anyway?

-a small, lovesick smile breaks through his cold exterior as he watches her eyes light up when the tree is finally finished

-“it looks perfect! thank you so much for helping, ryu,” she gushes happily, looking so damn adorable akutagawa might just die

-y/n also makes it her mission to hang mistletoe all over the apartment

-that way akutagawa can’t escape the inevitable kisses

-“come on, it’s literally the rules of mistletoe, you have to kiss me,” she giggles one evening when he finds himself trapped beneath the sprig of red and green

-“i don’t understand why a stupid plant should dictate my affections for you,” he deadpans, crossing his arms and ignoring the blush creeping up his neck

-she just rolls her eyes, taking another step closer to him with a mischievous grin

-“so you’re saying you wouldn’t kiss me if that ‘stupid plant’ wasn’t there? not even a little? not even when i dressed up all pretty for you?”

-her bold, teasing tone has his entire face heating up as his eyes roam over the gorgeous red dress that hugs her body in all the right places

-she had put it on for her holiday work party that she was dragging him to later that night, despite his protests

-he turns and coughs into his hand, averting his gaze from her with a frustrated scowl

-she always knows how to push his buttons (in the best possible way) and it drives him crazy

-“awww, is my shy little ryu blushing? are you nervous to give your girlfriend a kiss? poor baby-”

-he effectively silences her playful taunts by surging forward and capturing her lips with his own, cold hands gripping her face and soft lips moving across hers with so much hunger and desperation it leaves her breathless

-y/n starts to pull away after a moment but he refuses to let her go, grunting in protest and tangling one of his hands in her hair

-she even feels rashomon snake around her waist to tug her closer to his chest

-eventually y/n manages to break away to gasp for breath, eyes wide and filled with pleasant surprise

-her stomach flips when she sees some of her red lipstick smeared on the corner of his mouth

-he doesn’t even try to wipe it off

-he’s just staring at her with a smug grin, so cocky and proud of himself for stunning her into silence

-“what were you saying again?”

-“ryunosuke-”

-ok yeah maybe he can live with the mistletoe

-when it comes to buying a gift for y/n, akutagawa is a total mess

-literally considers asking gin for help because as much as he tries, he struggles to figure out what she would like or what would count as a good gift

-he’s so nervous he’ll buy the wrong thing and send the wrong message

-“what if she hates it? what if it’s not what she wants at all? will she think i don’t care?”

-he feels downright pathetic as he watches her open the carefully wrapped box on christmas morning, palms sweating and mind racing with anxiety

-he just wants to prove to her that he can be thoughtful and sweet

-he feels like he’s bad at showing that he cares, so he really wants to get this present thing right

-needless to say, whatever he gets her ends up being perfect and y/n won’t stop raving about it

-“how did you know i wanted this? i talked about it months ago, i can’t believe you remembered! i love it, thank you so much!”

-for some reason akutagawa is surprised when she gives him a gift in return

-why would he of all people deserve a gift?

-the thought of her buying something just for him makes him emotional for some reason

-she’s put so much love and care into wrapping it and he thinks he might suffocate as she excitedly watches him open it

-he’s immediately SO touched by the gift once he sees what it is

-it’s something he didn’t even realize she picked up on him wanting

-the fact that she pays so much attention to the things he says and likes has him fighting back tears

-y/n is so worried thinking she did something wrong

-akutagawa rarely cries, especially in front of her, so she can’t help but think he hates the gift

-“no no no, what’s the matter? why are you crying? i’m so sorry, is it not what you wanted? i can go get you something else! it’s not a big deal at all, i kept the receipt-”

-he immediately eases her worries by pulling her into a bone crushing hug

-he really doesn’t know what’s come over him

-or why a simple gift is making him feel so overwhelmed

-maybe it’s because he never really felt worthy of love until meeting y/n

-having a significant other who cares so much about him and his interests—enough to buy him a perfect gift without even asking what he wants—makes him feel like maybe he is capable of being loved

-and that thought alone makes him teary eyed

-“shut up. i love it,” he grumbles into her shoulder, sniffling quietly and trying desperately to mask the crack in his voice

-she’s just relieved he actually likes it

-truthfully, he would’ve loved anything she got him because he loves her more than he cares to admit and appreciates every little thing she does for him

-like he’s seriously head over heels for this woman

-anyways

-they spend the rest of christmas day cuddled up on the couch watching movies, content in each other’s embrace

-eventually akutagawa feels her head slump against his shoulder

-his heart swells with fondness as he realizes that she’s falling asleep on him

-“tired?” he asks gently, glancing down at her sleepy expression

-she just hums in response, cozying up against his arm with a soft smile

-here in this moment, in the glow of the christmas tree lights with y/n falling asleep on him, akutagawa feels completely at peace

-the holidays had turned out to be much more pleasant than he had expected, but most of that had to do with y/n and the joy she so easily brought into his life

-he’s sure he’ll cherish these warm memories forever

-“merry christmas, ryu,” she mumbles, her angelic voice full of love for him even as she drifts off to sleep

-leaning down and planting a soft kiss to her forehead, akutagawa doesn’t bother hiding his smile as she finally succumbs to slumber

-“merry christmas, y/n”

bonus: y/n bringing akutagawa home to meet her family for the holidays

-he’s a nervous wreck the entire way there

-what will they all think of me? what will her parents think?

-he can’t help but feel like they won’t like him

-he’s so different from y/n in so many ways

-he sees her as the epitome of kindness and innocence while he’s the devil of the port mafia, a criminal whose hands are stained with blood

-god only knows he doesn’t deserve someone like her, and it’ll crush him if her parents don’t approve of his relationship with their daughter

-he just wants to make a good impression

-when the two of them arrive at y/n’s parents’ house, he’s on his absolute best behavior

-regal, polite, and charming as he can possibly be

-maybe her parents are a little surprised by his appearance at first (he’s dressed in all black and suffers from resting bitch face, so can you really blame them?)

-but when they see how gracious he is and how he treats their daughter like she’s the most important woman in the world, all of their apprehension disappears

-they’re just happy to see her happy, and are eager to include akutagawa in all the festivities

-the evening passes by in a blur of food, gifts, games and laughter

-akutagawa finds himself surprisingly relaxed by the end of the night, anxiety long forgotten

-something about sitting in y/n’s childhood home, listening to her laugh with her loved ones and occasionally indulging in the fun himself, fills him with a strange but comforting feeling he doesn’t even have the words to describe

-her family immediately accepting him with open arms and allowing him to share in their holiday traditions leaves cracks in his cold, guarded heart

-he’s spent his entire life convincing himself that he’s undeserving of such innocent pleasures, like having a loving girlfriend and a family to share the holidays with

-he realizes that he finally has everything his younger self could have ever wanted, and he’s determined to never take it for granted

-meeting y/n’s family for christmas only solidifies how much akutagawa loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her ♡

⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄