#going to make everyone & everything also die

[rinokami]

I get what you're saying, and I mostly agree with it, but I don't think "hopeless" is quite the word for it, and is probably at least partially why Tolkien axed the Noldorian titles. As you mentioned, Tolkien had two different concepts of "hope": estel and amdir.

Amdir is practical hope. It's saying, "ok, we do this, that, and the other thing and we'll probably be ok." It's the strategizing, action-oriented, mindset that most modern folk would think of when they hear "hope". Boromir was very much a man of amdir. Amdir is why he was a good general, why he jumped to plow snow with nothing but his arms on Caradhras with Aragorn so they could all make it back down the mountain. Amdir is good, but it is also fallible.

Estel is... not that. Estel is what Tolkien called "high hope", the enduring hope that the world will turn out right in the end, regardless of what that means for you personally. Estel is saying "I will do what should be done, what must be done, even if it kills me." I guess the closest word would be "faith", but I hesitate to call it that, given the extremely religious connotations that word can have, and, as devout as Tolkien was, he didn't really use estel quite like that. Estel was not a thing that required belief in, or even knowledge of, Ilúvatar or anything like that.

Frodo and Sam are running on pure estel by the end of RotK. Well, everyone left of the broken Fellowship is by that point, tbh. So you could say that their hope for their own personal selves was gone out the window by that point but that's not quite the same thing as being hopeless.

Sam even has a moment after ditching his pots of his own estel and fallen amdir arguing with each other:

He could not sleep and he held a debate with himself. ‘Well, come now, we’ve done better than you hoped,’ he said sturdily. ‘Began well anyway. I reckon we crossed half the distance before we stopped. One more day will do it.’ And then he paused.

‘Don’t be a fool, Sam Gamgee,’ came an answer in his own voice. ‘He won’t go another day like that, if he moves at all. And you can’t go on much longer giving him all the water and most of the food.’

‘I can go on a good way though, and I will.’

‘Where to?’

‘To the Mountain, of course.’

‘But what then, Sam Gamgee, what then? When you get there, what are you going to do? He won’t be able to do anything for himself.’

To his dismay Sam realized that he had not got an answer to this. He had no clear idea at all. Frodo had not spoken much to him of his errand, and Sam only knew vaguely that the Ring had somehow to be put into the fire. ‘The Cracks of Doom,’ he muttered, the old name rising to his mind. ‘Well, if Master knows how to find them, I don’t.’

‘There you are!’ came the answer. ‘It’s all quite useless. He said so himself. You are the fool, going on hoping and toiling. You could have lain down and gone to sleep together days ago, if you hadn’t been so dogged. But you’ll die just the same, or worse. You might just as well lie down now and give it up. You’ll never get to the top anyway.’

‘I’ll get there, if I leave everything but my bones behind,’ said Sam. ‘And I’ll carry Mr. Frodo up myself, if it breaks my back and heart. So stop arguing!’

People often say LOTR is a story about hope. (I'm reminded of it because someone said it in the notes of my Faramir post.) And that's true, but it's not the whole picture: LOTR is in large part a story about having to go on in the absence of hope.

Frodo has lost hope, as well as the ability to access any positive emotion, by Return. He is already losing it in Towers: he keeps going through duty and determination and of course Sam's constant help.

For most of the story, Sam is fueled by hope, which is why it's such a huge moment when he finally lets go of the hope of surviving and returning home, and focuses on making it to the Mountain. To speed their way and lighten the load, he throws his beloved pots and pans into a pit, accepting that he will never cook, or eat, again.

When Eowyn kills the Witch King, she's beyond hope and seeking for a glorious death in battle. It's possible that in addition to her love and loyalty for Théoden, she's strengthened by her hopelessness, the fear of the Nazgúl cannot touch someone who's already past despair.

Faramir is his father's son, he doesn't have any more hope of Gondor's victory or survival than Denethor does, he says as much to Frodo. What hope have we? It is long since we had any hope. ... We are a failing people, a springless autumn. He knows he's fighting a losing war and it's killing him. When he rejects the ring, he doesn't do it in the hope that his people can survive without it, he has good reason to believe they cannot. He acts correctly in the absence of hope.

Of course LOTR has a (mostly) happy ending, all the unlikely hopes come true, the characters who have lost hope gain what they didn't even hope for, and everyone is rewarded for their bravery and goodness, so on some level the message is that hope was justified. But the book never chastises characters who lost hope, it was completely reasonable of them to do so. Despair pushed Théoden and Denethor into inaction, pushed Saruman into collaboration, but the characters who despaired and held up under the weight of despair are Tolkien's real heroes.

(In an early draft of Return, Frodo and Sam receive honorary titles in Noldorin: Endurance beyond Hope and Hope Unquenchable, respectively. Then he cut it, probably because it was stating the themes of the entire book way too obviously, because this is what Tolkien cared about, really: enduring beyond hope. Without hope.)

Also, people who know more than me about the concept of estel, feel free to @ me.

[sleepyorchidmonster]

Okay, but what if Riddle attempts to fight Malleus alone to buy Idia some time?

Like, we know Riddle is both reckless and confident in his power, also, if timed correctly, Off With Your Head can be make a difference in a fight, and even Leona was having trouble with it (granted it was normal not-overblotted Leona and this is Malleus we're talking about).

It can also play with the reveal that Riddle thinks everyone hates him, so he convinces himself that the least he could do is make sure Idia stays safe, both for the mission and Ortho (and maybe he's feeling guilty because last he checked Ortho required urgent repairs and it's his fault). Or maybe Riddle just feels like his lack of understanding of technomancy is not being helpful enough andhe is eager to actually do something right (he doesn't understand the situation and, as far as he can tell, everything went wrong after his dream).

And then Idia has to stop his doomed typing with a side of panicked ramblings to take a deep breath and tell the 17-year-old kid to "Calm Down. We're not dead yet, and I'm not letting you go on a suicide mission."

And before Riddle can make a counter-argument, Idia is already following up with some extra points:

1) "Yeah we're both housewardens and troublemaking SSRs. I'm also older so I'm supposed to be the responsible one here."

2) "Technomancy is my domain, so if I say you're doing okay, you're doing okay. It's natural for veteran players to carry the noobs when they're just starting out!"

3) "You're a powerful DPS, but you're also a glass canon. Meta dictates that good DPS units need great supports, and I'm trying to summon them with negative gacha pulls and a dream here!!!!"

4) "If we open the door to let you fight Malleus, then the door will have been opened anyway, and that guy can multitask like a PRO..."

5) "You know chess right? Great. We're currently in check, with the only thing between total anihilation being a Rook (A.K.A. my precious door) and the Queen (A.K.A. you). The lil' pawns may have metamorphosized into a murderous army, but there's still a whole board between us, so we have to hold on!!!"

6) "And before you get the chess analogy wrong, I am NOT keeping you around just because of your magical power. You're a TEENAGER not a weapon, for crying out loud. Did you really think I'd be that stupid?? Ortho is literally my brother and I'd rather DIE than treat him like a weapon!"

7) "Is it really that hard to understand that I don't actually hate you? Sure, you have zero E.Q. and is in my "Top 5 Most annoying Students in NRC", but I don't want you dead! Who would drag me to dormhead meetings then? Vil and Ortho need a buddy who's not afraid to break the doo- NOT NOW MALLEUS"

8) "I actually like being alive and don't want Trey and Cater to kill me, and neither that freaky cat friend of yours. Or Floyd, Kalim, Sebek, Silver, Vil..."

Idia: And that would be all! Thank you for coming to my TED Talk! Now, I know the Final Boss is right outside that door, but why don't you read a manga or two to pass the time? You've already helped me A LOT, so why don't you rest a bit?

Malleus, from the other side: You should listen to Shroud, Rosehearts. I will even refrain from tearing the door down while you read, rest assured!

Malleus: Also, who gave you the idea that everyone hates you? I just want to have a pleasant chat with them! Lillia taught me the importance of understanding the point of view of others! :)

Meanwhile the others are trying to use Meet Me in a Dream while driving a gigantic Blastcycle so they can speedrun the dream hopping and get back to Idia's dream so they can make sure Idia is okay (Ortho), complete the final stage of the plan (the others) and locate Riddle (Heartslabyul and Equestrian Club mostly, but everyone's at least worried that he's MIA). Also Silver is resting while Ace uses his UM and Deuce drives.

Leona got what he wanted (a better mean of transportation between dreams) but at what cost (two freshmen at the wheel, and they're not the competent robot kid).

[sanguinesky-if]

Just wanted to share that I’ve done all the romances (I’ll specify the fem ones since Roderick and Rebecca have some differences and I’m uncertain if it’s something palpably obvious this early) and they all kind of occupy a different kind of soft spot, like I would replay multiple times to see where each goes. I’m pleasantly surprised by some of them, I usually play a very no nonsense stubborn type of mc, so I was expecting to not be able to stand R, and I found that wasn’t the case, and I actually kind of like that it feels like mc is uncovering reactions that R is learning about at the same time as them, it lends a flash of genuineness before it’s covered by something less sincere. Friends to lovers is also super hit or miss for me but I went with the obvious dynamic with L and I found I loved how pathetic (affectionate) mc and L could be for each other. I love that we can keep some ROs guessing, and the almost quiet confusion some ROs are feeling are 🤌. There is a certain RO that thinks they’re pulling a fast one on mc and I feel so torn between not giving into their expectations and teasing them.

I was pleasantly surprised by the jealousy scenes, how they felt significant but not controlling, which I was scared was going to happen. You’ve probably written my favorite jealousy scenes I’ve ever come across.

I will say that there is a scene that lives closest to my heart, and it’s when we get to just…hold a certain someone before we go to the most recent crime scene. There���s something to be said about being allowed to do that and not knowing the significance of such permission. Of quietly wrecking someone and being their solace as well.

But also I enjoyed that mc feels like a barometer for the plot line almost. Like how bad it’s going to get is going to be reflected in your plot and setting. I’m excited for the helplessness everyone is gonna feel about it.

(Also I love that mc has a sister thats ride or die, it hits close to home)

it feels like mc is uncovering reactions that R is learning about at the same time as them, it lends a flash of genuineness before it’s covered by something less sincere.

I think you're one of the rare kind of readers who can actually see past R's reactions by just a few small details present in certain sentences.

While it doesn't excuse R's behavior [or the reason behind it], I'm pleasantly surprised by the way you described it, especially considering how you usually play your character!

I found I loved how pathetic (affectionate) mc and L could be for each other

That's actually a pretty accurate description!

Writing everything related to L [and also to K], I understand how pathetic and childish their reactions and thoughts might seem.

At the same time, I find it realistic because people can act like that when genuine feelings are mixed with urgency and desperation: both of them know that sometimes it can be too late, but they're also too afraid of making things worse, which prevents them from thinking rationally.

The "I should have said that" or "I should have done that" that comes afterward is pretty relatable, too.

I was pleasantly surprised by the jealousy scenes, how they felt significant but not controlling, which I was scared was going to happen. You’ve probably written my favorite jealousy scenes I’ve ever come across.

I'm glad they feel balanced! Jealousy scenes involving secondary rivals are probably the ones I struggled with the most for the update.

But it was a great experience, and I hope it will help me with other jealousy scenes in future updates, hehe!

But also I enjoyed that mc feels like a barometer for the plot line almost.

It means a lot to read something like this because I believe it's a very important quality that any MC should have, as they are the connection through which the reader experiences the story.

I’m excited for the helplessness everyone is gonna feel about it.

I'm surprised to read something like this, because I understand how everything feels frustratingly helpless and hopeless right now.

However, putting the MC and the reader through this is an intentional decision, as I hope to make both the MC and the reader feel the desire to finally break free from the helplessness.

But before that, and along the road to that, everyone will suffer.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts! I'm so glad you enjoyed all the routes and the story!

[tokiro07]

Ichi the Witch ch.22 thoughts

[Dess' Contract's Got Some Mighty Fine Print]

(Topics: speculation - worldbuilding/narrative progression, character analysis - Desscaras/Ichi, thematic analysis - Family)

Before I get into the extremely enticing character implications of this chapter, I have a quick worldbuilding question:

Where...did the spell for this contract come from?

We know that magical items exist such as the leg-booster boots, but it hasn't really been delved into yet how such things are made. Do they have a pre-existing Magik's spell applied to them, or is there a unique method of creating a spell from scratch and embuing it into an item?

If it's the latter then creating a magic contract should be easy enough, you just draft up paper that enforces the stipulations of the words written on it, easy peasy. If it's the former, though, what Magik has that ability? Can any given contract be created, or is it specific to the Mentor-Pupil Blood Contract?

It doesn't really matter, and I only just thought of this question while writing this review rather than agonizing over it since reading the chapter, but it's still the kind of minor inconsistency that just barely holds this series back from being everything I know it can be

As for what it is, though, this chapter's glimpse into the ongoing character study of Desscaras and her relationship with Ichi only further solidifies this as my current favorite in Jump's roster

The Mother Who Stepped Up

There is an incredible amount of nuance to Desscaras' motivations for making such a dangerous contract with Ichi

First and foremost, as she tells Ichi, it's her way of taking responsibility for his life being uprooted and threatened. If she had been able to find a way to circumvent Uroro's trial, if she'd actually kept Ichi a secret from Mantinel, if she'd taken any other path, Ichi might not be set to die, and she can't pretend that isn't the case

Normally, Desscaras comes off as laidback and irresponsible, but I think that's more about things like navigating bureaucratic red tape than it is about peoples' wellbeing. When push comes to shove, Desscaras does actively fulfill her duties without complaint, it's just that to her, her duties are about fighting monsters and protecting people, not answering work e-mails or filing reports

By putting Ichi in this situation, she has endangered him, going directly against her own principals. This contract is a way of making amends for that, a statement that she isn't trifling with his life and takes his safety extremely seriously. If he should die, then she will repay his loss in kind

This leads into the reason she gave to Monegold and Shirabedonna: that she doesn't want to have peace that requires someone else's sacrifice, least of all a child's

The One Who Walks Deeper into Omelas

This is Desscaras' direct answer to and rejection of the Omelas Child conundrum: if she can't stop the child's suffering, she won't just walk away either - she'll help support the peace. This way the child doesn't suffer alone, and has some kind of happiness to show for it, while also allowing her to take an active role in protecting everyone else

After all, it's not that Desscaras is choosing the child over everyone else. Everyone deserves peace and happiness, it's just that with the knowledge that the child is the only one who doesn't get it, she'd never be able to appreciate her own again. By voluntarily choosing to bear some of the world's weight, Desscaras can feel like she's earned whatever peace she manages to take from it, secure in the knowledge that she did what no one else would: gave some peace, no matter how small, to the suffering child

This also serves to act as an indictment of Monegold's leadership, as while she definitely objected to Jikishirone's prophecy, she still kind of just resigned herself to it. She heard the prophecy, got angry, and...didn't do anything else. She may have been trying to think of a way, but as I said last week, it's just generally accepted that Jiki's words will come to pass unless she gives an alternate path - since the only alternate was the destruction of the world, Monegold likely wouldn't have made a real effort to avert the fate ascribed to Ichi

Now, though, Monegold's greatest asset has just said two devastating things to her face: 1) "if he dies, I die;" and 2) "good luck sleeping at night." Desscaras' actions have put into perspective for Monegold what a post-Ichi world will look like for her, which hopefully will give her the kick in the pants she needs to actually do something about it

At the very least, it ensures that Monegold won't get in the way of Desscaras doing something about it

Blood of the Covenant

For all of the practical and philosophical reasons Desscaras has, there's really only one that truly matters, one statement that Desscaras wants to make above all others: that she cares about Ichi

She wants Ichi to stay in her life, to take care of himself, to live

And if he won't do any of those things for his own sake, then by god, he'll do it for hers

"If you die, then I die" is an excellent inversion of Ichi's Death for Death; whereas it usually means "a kill for a kill," it now means "you are no longer playing with your life alone." If Ichi is reckless and charges in without a second thought on the basis that his life is going to end sooner or later anyway, then he now runs the risk of getting Desscaras killed along with him, which by his own philosophy would make him a murderer

This pulls double duty both by incentivizing him to stay safe and by showing him that someone wants him to stay safe

When his parents left him in the woods with a knife, they wordlessly said to him "we want you to die, but we're too cowardly to kill you ourselves. Starve, get killed by a beast, or kill yourself, we don't care, just do it away from us"

Desscaras' contract, meanwhile, says just the opposite. "I want you to live, and I'll fight to make sure you do. Live how you like, go where you like, do what you like, but whatever you do, just promise to come back to me"

I don't know if Desscaras knows Ichi's past; they've certainly had the opportunity to discuss it off-screen, but it's never been stated that they've opened up to each other about that sort of thing. My instinct is that she has no idea what this means to him, only that it means everything to her

Ichi, meanwhile, certainly has no idea about Libro, and likely can't comprehend why Desscaras would want someone like him as family. But what it means to her isn't his concern right now, because it means everything to him

They have no idea what the other has lost, only what they themselves have, and what this contract represents to each of them is the chance to get it back. Ichi doesn't know why Desscaras wants to give it to him, and Desscaras doesn't know why Ichi accepted, but both of them now have someone who has implicitly told them that they are willing to fill the hole in their lives, and that's all that matters

This is also why the little matter of Ichi being unwittingly enslaved is so easy to sweep under the rug

Siblings, Siblings

Naturally, once Ichi learns that the contract has forcibly made him subservient to Desscaras, he becomes indignant and demands that it be undone. He was tricked, after all, and he doesn't want to follow unreasonable orders

However, once Desscaras is out of the room, Ichi doesn't ruminate on his indentured servitude, that's the furthest thing from his mind. Instead, it is Desscaras' original words that resound in his heart: "a home is a place you can come back to, no matter where in the world you are." Even if she threw in a major downside right at the end, Desscaras' true message has been received loud and clear

It also remains to be seen just how far Desscaras is going to go with her ability to lobby commands at Ichi. Honestly, her commands so far have been pretty standard fair for a mentor - "cook for me, clean for me, learn the more menial aspects of our trade." I don't see her extorting favors out of him or anything, just little things to make her own life less stressful or to teach him a good work ethic

Plus there's the fact that her gloating was sandwiched between her initial pitch and her justification to Monegold. While the reveal of the slavery clause may seem to invalidate the sentiment of what she told Ichi directly, her confrontation with Monegold and soulful assertion that she sees Ichi as family confirms that nothing she said was a lie

What this tells me is that she never intended to pull a fast one on Ichi, nor was she being opportunistic to use her newfound power as a bonus to all of her previous motivations. No, I think she was just...embarrassed

As I said last week, Desscaras isn't one to be vulnerable. She's the Strongest Witch, and that comes with the expectation that she has no weakness

Like I said, Ichi doesn't know about Libro. He doesn't know that he's filling a void for Desscaras the way she is for him, and she doesn't want him to know

She doesn't want him to know how much she cares, she just wants him to feel cared for. So to hide the truth, she turns around and laughs in his face. She presents it as transactional, the void in Ichi's life being filled in exchange for free labor, when in reality the emotional aspect is completely mutual

And I think on some level, Ichi already has that figured out. Like I said, he moves on from it pretty fast and is able to smile warmly at the thought of having a home despite Desscaras' nasty attitude. Whether Ichi has any direct experience with family relationships in the first place, I think Ichi understands already that this sort of teasing, capricious behavior is just how Desscaras is and was all part of what he was signing up anyway

He understands that being family means seeing more of each other, for better and worse. Everything he knows Desscaras to be, lazy and selfish, won't cease to be true just because they share blood now, and if anything will be amplified. But he'll also see the Desscaras who was honest with him, who offered to provide for him, who wants to be with him. I think Ichi has known Desscaras long enough already that he recognizes when she's being genuine and when she's being defensive, so he knows that when she calls him her "dog," it's to guard her heart rather than to put him down

With this in mind, I think it's quite likely that "Family" is going to become one of the running major themes across the story, and that the relationship between Ichi and Desscaras alone won't be the only angle we approach it from

The Desscaras Bunch

Though it's been a hot minute since she had any real dialogue, Kumugi is still a member of Team Desscaras, and one who will certainly be used to further the Family theme. Her backstory has already been established to center around her family's dismissal of her abilities, making her a perfect parallel to Ichi: where Ichi's family abandoned him physically, Kumugi's abandoned her emotionally

Ichi's acknowledgment of Kumugi already shows how he can fill her void, and Desscaras' forceful interjection into conversation with Kumugi shows how Kumugi can fill their voids in turn. Both of them have an established dynamic with her that is set to be explored as the story goes on, and the interplay between their dynamics when together and alone offers even more opportunities for depth and growth

Even Uroro is likely to be a part of this family. Right now he's antagonistic with Ichi and Desscaras, but he did once ask Kumugi to be friends. Sure, he definitely had some ulterior motive, but it shows that he has the capacity to interact with members of the group outside of just Ichi, and therefore won't be confined to only one or two dynamics

And of course, Nishi has no plans to stop with only four members of the group. As Jiki's newest prophecy foretells, they're about to add a fourth "stalwart companion" to the team

I'm not going to go too far into speculating on this character since we know so little, but we do know two things: 1) that they violently hunt Magiks, and 2) they're apparently a man

The Arc Where a Man--

Viz always cuts out the editors' notes, but as you may have seen other folks mention already, in the original Japanese, he's referred to as "'a man' who tramples on Magiks." The quotes are suspicious, but they could just be there to highlight his gender rather than call it into question

While it is possible that he's actually a woman, for the moment I'm going to operate under the assumption that he's a man solely because I think it presents a more interesting angle to explore the world from

Case in point: I do not think that this person is a Male Witch like Ichi. Rather, I think that he wants to be, and is hunting Magiks to see if he can find a spell that he can actually use

Remember, in ch.1, it was stated that there were a handful of prerequisites that Ichi had to meet to use Magic:

Facing a Magik that allowed a man to pass its trial

A body and mind well-trained enough to handle its usage

The capacity to acquire a Magik at all

The first criteria is actually pretty easy - most Magiks' trials don't actually disqualify men in the first place! It's just that no man would ever try because it's "widely believed" that men can't use Magic. So all that's really needed is for a man to make an attempt rather than for the Magik to allow it

The second is also a no-brainer - look at this guy's bod! He's not excessively jacked or anything, but he's definitely drawn to look like a trained fighter, and even if we ignore his design, he's standing in the viscera of a giant frog! He ripped that thing apart with his bare hands! He's clearly at least comparable to Ichi in physical strength if not more, and what a "trained mind" means is still unclear even for Ichi, so we won't worry about it

All that's left then is to actually acquire a Magik, and the only way to know if you can is to try. So, by shaking down Magiks and asking for their trials, this guy increases his odds of finding a Magik that he's capable of acquiring simply through quantity

However, I don't think it's a matter of compatibility. If it were as simple as the Witch and Magik being a match, Togeice probably wouldn't have been able to acquire Macilvaine who clashed with her persona and aesthetic. No, I think it's a lot more fundamental than that:

I think that men might literally lack a Magic Circle

The way it's portrayed, it seems like a...cavity within the soul, a hollowed-out portion of the self meant for housing Magiks. For whatever reason, whether it's biological or spiritual, most men simply don't have Magic Circles, while women inherently do. Or, perhaps, men simply have too small of Magic Circles to be able to fit Magiks in the first place

Maybe that's why Ichi was able to do it: because he was either born with or otherwise created a Magic Circle inside of himself. Maybe he accidentally stumbled across the method to do so. Maybe countless men have and have simply never tried to use it because they had no idea they had! Maybe Minakata somehow implanted one into him, who knows?

I don't expect to get the answers to this one anytime soon, but if this new recruit is a man, I think he'll be an important piece in the puzzle for us to understand this element of the worldbuilding. I think he'll also provide a unique fighting style among the cast, being solely physical as opposed to Desscaras' mostly magical and Ichi's mixed styles, plus parallels to everyone else's narratives. The one I'd be most excited to see is comparing his attempts to overcome a perceived limitation to Kumugi's resignation to being incapable, but I'm not going to hold my breath just in case

Buuut if they are a woman, I'm certainly not going to complain, especially with those cute freckles!

Until next time, let's enjoy life!

[youremysunshine8]

Shen Yuan reviewed his options. He was pretty sure that Shen Jiu wasn't a transmigrator - but he would lay out a clue just in case. He said, "my old friend is here, yes. It wants me to follow a certain Way, if you know what I mean."

Shen Jiu didn't blink at the reference, but he looked furious nonetheless. "It's controlling you? Is that why you've been pretending to be me?"

That was probably the best excuse he could give. Shen Yuan responded, "In a way. There are certain things that had to happen. I had to come to Cang Qiong, you know. Or well, you did. It wasn't just the system, everyone expected you. Wu Yanzi at first, then Yue Qingyuan. Anyway," he shuddered, "I've always regretted the way your life turned out." That at least was true - he regretted the torment of Binghe, and the future looming before himself!

Shen Jiu looked devastated. "I know the system was what made you protect the other street rats, even if it was what got us caught. Was that what made you take my clothes that day? Was it beyond you?" His eyes narrowed, "I will have to consider this, A-Yuan."

WARNING! called the system. IF SHEN QINGQIU ATTCKS THE SYSTEM THEN HOST WILL BE PUNISHED.

Shen Yuan winced, and said soothingly, "Jiu ge, let's not talk about this anymore. Things are, well, they're getting better now. Aside from everything. Let's focus on getting you back home."

Shen Jiu didn't look like he would stop plotting to destroy the system, but he agreed to keep quiet - for now. "Either way, as soon as I can get Yue Qingyuan alone, I will be asking him some very deliberate questions," he snarled.

Shen Yuan gulped.

----

!!!! His gege survived and became Shang Qinghua? How did that make any sense? The system had told him from day one that Shang Feng would become Shang Qinghua, and his brother, Shang Huahua, would have a different destiny.

Shang Huahua had always been a lying, scheming little jerk with the best prank ideas. And he had died on a mission when they were both disciples. It had even been in the backstory of Shang Qinghua, from proud immortal demon way!

"Shang Qinghua had a brother once, another scheming disciple of An Ding. This brother had died due to inadequate protections on a mission. This had hardened Shang Qinghua's heart against the cultivation world, leading to his easy betrayal of them for the demonic realm. His actions at the immortal alliance conference could even be called retribution against the sects that had failed to protect his brother."

Obviously that had never been published, but Airplane had always known what was coming. Airplane had always tried to remember that the people around him were just characters, with set destinies, and his brother was doomed to die. And he had.

"Shang Huahua?" He whispered, "you - didn't go on that mission to retrieve the egg of the red-pearled parrot Cobra?"

"No," Shang Huahua said with a sneer, "you did Feng-er. One last prank, you said, before we focus on making head disciple. You never came back."

Never came back. Was that alternate Feng -er also Airplane? Or was it just a coincidence? Could he have changed his brother's fate, if he'd just tried?

Airplane began to weep.

Shen Qingqiu was doomed.

He stood still, fluttering his fan nervously and trying to avoid catching his counterpart's, the real Shen Qingqiu, glaring eyes from across the room. Instead, he idly observed the other Cang Qiong Mountain Peak Lords, trying to spot the differences between the ones he knew and their alternates.

Liu Qingge had brought back a strange artifact from one of his hunts to the monthly Peak Lord meeting. It was a mirror, rimmed an ugly tarnished gold, topped with a decoration that was shaped into an unidentifiable creature with ruby red eyes.

[Important Artifact Detected: Red-Eyed Sphinx's Mirror! Quest starting...]

Shen Qingqiu had been trying to remember where it might have appeared in PIDW when the surface of the mirror suddenly began to glow a dull yellow. It quickly brightened until it obscured everyone's vision.

And then, there stood another set of peak lords across the room, facing them down.

System, what on earth is going on???

[Quest started: Lost Long Spirit in My Reflection! Other characters have been transported to this universe. Host must find a way to send them back without revealing his identity as a transmigrator.]

WTF? I didn't agree to this!

[Good luck!]

System??? Get back here!

While the two Yue Qingyuans and Xu Qinglis conversed together to try to understand what had happened, the other peak lords had begun to mingle with each other, curious about their counterparts.

Shen Qingqiu tried to suppress his panic, sticking close to Shang Qinghua. His Yue Qingyuan occasionally flicked his softened gaze towards the alternate Shen Qingqiu, likely noticing that the other still acted as he used to before his qi deviation. In fact, several of the peak lords he had gotten to know over the years were sending some looks at the other Shen Qingqiu.

With the original goods right there, how long would it be before something exposed him as a fraud?? What if he was confronted about why he acted so differently?

[Host must avoid having his identity exposed. Being revealed as a transmigrator will result in Host being immediately sent back to his old body.]

Yeah, yeah, same shit as always!

Looking to his side, Shang Qinghua seemed to be experiencing the same threats, desperately looking away from the more dead-eyed Shang Qinghua across the room who, luckily, was barely paying him any attention.

Fuck, what do we do?

---

Shen Qingqiu continued to glare at the Other Shen Qingqiu in the room. The other Shen Qingqiu was so obviously a fraud, he could tell within minutes of being here. While his alternate seemed somewhat familiar, he didn't act like him at all, his mannerisms were all off, and despite the attempt at keeping a poker face, Shen Qingqiu could tell that he was nervous. Probably at being caught out.

His alternate self had likely been replaced with a bodysnatcher or some sort of spirt, if they truly were supposed to be the same person. Was everyone else stupid, or had they had their brains sucked out by a Heart Mouthed Lobster-Squid?

Or maybe they simply like the bodysnatcher better and didn't bother to investigate.

Shen Qingqiu's face became stormier, turning his glare to the Other Yue Qingyuan, wondering if he had felt happier once his precious Xiao-Jiu had vanished. The other Yue Qingyuan's face grew even more pathetic. Tch. Typical.

"That stupid System--" Shen Qingqiu nearly snapped his neck in looking at the bodysnatcher upon hearing his murmur. The fraud, upon noticing his sudden attention, clammed back up and looked away. But Shen Qingqiu knew what he heard.

Xi Tong.

He hadn't heard those words in years, not since--

He stepped forward, scanning the other once more. Upon a second, more thorough look, Shen Qingqiu realized that he grew more familiar. He wore his hair in the way that Shen Qingqiu wore it, but looser and less severe. His eyes were clearer and lighter, with hints of a smile, despite his nerves. He occasionally quickly glanced up and to his left, as if seeing something there, before bringing his attention back to the room at large.

No. It couldn't be. He was long dead, despite Shen Qingqiu's best efforts. Even if the fake had some similar things about him, that doesn't mean--

Shen Jiu had once had a brother, besides Qi-ge. Slightly smaller than him, despite the fact that Shen Jiu passed him along as much food as he could when on the streets. He smiled so much despite their circumstances, and was so kind despite Shen Jiu constantly telling him that he was making himself a target. But he looked so, so similar to Shen Jiu himself. They could have switched their clothes and looked exactly the same, if one didn't notice the difference in their demeanors.

His brother has also always been a little odd, talking to himself and arguing with an imaginary friend that only he could see named Xi Tong. One of the reasons that they survived as long as they did on the streets was due to the inexplicable knowledge that his brother seemed to have. Somehow, his brother knew about the various plants or small animals that they could hunt and sell for a pretty coin in the markets. Shen Jiu never asked, not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

But his brother was dead. He had died years ago, in the time during when they were in Qiu's manor. During a punishment for Shen Jiu's attempt to get them both to join Wu Yanzi; he had switched their clothes and taken Shen Jiu's place and died for it. That had been the final catalyst that made him set the manor ablaze and escape, mourning his brother's death as his fault for daring to be free. Cursing Qi-ge for not coming back for them.

Dazed and his vision dim, Shen Jiu took another step forward, and another. Hope, something he thought he had killed off long ago, slowly rose in his chest.

Had his brother survived in this world? Had he managed to escape alongside Shen Jiu? Or had Shen Jiu died in his place? Dimly, he can't help but think that the world would be far kinder if that were the case. If his brother had made it to Cang Qiong Mountain and became a peak lord all on his own and still managed to keep his smile. If he didn't have Shen Jiu dragging him down with him.

The other Shen Qingqiu, not having noticed his approach, laughed at something the other Shang Qinghua said ("Wonder if Shang Qinghua is a traitor here, too," Shen Jiu thought dimly). His laugh was the same. He rose his fan to hide his face, but Shen Jiu noticed how his nose crinkled, and his eyes nearly closed in delight, exactly like--

"A-Yuan?"

[marq-lynch]

As someone who got into AEW via fixating on MJF and has spent the last eight months obsessed with Hangman and Swerve this upcoming feud was made for Meeeee and I cannot Wait to watch MJF beat the snot out of Hangman's hypocritical face in person in a couple weeks.

There are so many layers to this feud and things they could have made the core, but the one they're going with is Authenticity? No. Even better. It's Verisimilitude. Possibly my favorite word in the English language: having the appearance of truth. It's not about who's most Real. Things that are verasimiliar are often not factual but portray a Truth, like a fake blood on TV that's the wrong color because humans don't want to believe that real blood is that candy coated firehouse red, they want something more sensual with a bit of chocolate syrup mixed in to make it darker. It's about what, and in this case Who, Feels Most Real and is therefore most deserving of our appreciation.

Is it the bullied little boy who never had a friend and shoved everyone away before they could hurt him first and who just desperately wants unconditional love, and who has been rejected every time he tries to reach for it from the audience, mentors, mentees, fiances, & his one and only friend? Who opened himself up to the world and tried to grow, to improve, to let himself be vulnerable one more time in the spots he knew were softest only to have everything he loved and valued ripped away.

Or is it the other ball of self-esteem issues, the anxiety riddled ball of imposter syndrome that has whittled itself down to a core that has always been there, of burning Rage at himself and the injustices of the world around him that he has allowed to consume and isolate him, feeding his worst tendencies for addiction and obsession.

The relationship both have with the audience is Insane, and neither is healthy. They both obsessively need us and shape their entire identity around what the world thinks of them, while insisting to themselves and us that they aren't. They're just aware of their responsibility as a champion, or no longer going to care what people think, but somehow those 'I don't care what you think' protests only last so long and they're caught up in obsessions over audience chants and signs against them again.

And then there's the Swerve of it all. My 'Swerve the Realest'. The Other Man who just about one year ago also had the audience decide 'yes, you're a heel, but you're so damn cool we've decided you can do whatever the fuck you want'. Swerve, genuinely, did nothing wrong. Except... He lost at Revolution, and stood in a ring, in front of Tony Shiavone, and admitted, "I've done some pretty terrible things here" and "I'm not a good person... But for the first time ever it felt like people were really rooting for me."

Swerve, as far as we know, has never lied to the audience. He's beaten up teenagers, broken and entered, broken arms, and left things out, but never lied. He is Swerve the Realest.

Meanwhile Hangman, who raged that "[Swerve] never paid for it, and they loved him for it" is now having crowds cheer itemized lists of his crimes from an irate MJF, and staring him in the face telling him that he's never run from his problems (which has been his entire arc) or ever once lied to the audience, all while he wears the same outfit through Feb 2025 he wore March 2nd 2024, the day before Revolution last year, when he first hobbled to the ring on a crutch, told the audience he was always truthful with them, that he couldn't compete the next day. Then when Swerve came out and listed his own crimes flat out to Samoa Joe the day before his first title shot, Hangman beat him unconscious with the crutch, showing he'd been fine, and screaming an apology later for lying but saying he would Rather Die than let Swerve win it himself, and Rather Die than not win it himself.

The next day he tapped out to Samoa Joe. Y'know. Like a Liar.

[artist-issues]

Who is your favorite character from each Star Wars trilogy and why? One character from the prequel trilogy, one from the original trilogy, and one from the sequel trilogy. ✨

Okay so:

PREQUELS: Anakin Skywalker

I know it’s basic but he’s the best character.

The whole thing he’s prophesied to do is “bring balance to the Force.” And I think everybody like, tries to interpret what that means, as if it’s some big mystery, but if you just look at his character, it’s perfectly spelled out.

In Anakin’s time, the Jedi rejected attachment. The Sith rejected faith. Both are because of a fear of a lack of control (from two different directions.)

The Force is out of balance because Light wants to have abandonment of passion and call it peace, and the Dark wants to have all passion without selflessness. Both are faithless, in their own way.

And Anakin comes in and he’s like a mini-object lesson for that same problem. Except, before he falls to the Dark Side, Anakin is the only one with the potential to have both. He has attachments and passion, but he also wants peace. He (correctly) wants his attachments to be the “why” behind his power.

(I know everybody calls this concept “grey Jedi,” but I think that’s unnecessary and categorizing it sort of ruins the nuance in an otherwise really-nuanceless-straightforward franchise. Ironically.)

Anyway. Anakin is a great character because he has all these seemingly-contradictory traits warring inside of him. He’s the most powerful Jedi who ever lived, but he’s the most vulnerable emotionally. He’s a gifted strategist but he’s personally impulsive. He came from slavery and hates being told what to do, but he thinks that people who won’t submit to a peaceful regime should be forced to. He’s cocky enough to try any hare-brained scheme with zero experience, but he’s insecure enough to always have to prove something to the Jedi Council and even the woman he loves. He likes everything to be simple, black-and-white, and extreme, with nobody handing down complicated caveats or restrictive orders—but he falls in love with a ruler who’s also a politician. Fate has assured everyone that he is the Chosen One, but his allies still generally never really know what to expect from him. He’s fiercely loyal and won’t leave Obi Wan or Padme to die because of his attachments during the war, but those same attachments are what ultimately cause him to betray and attempt to murder those same two people.

All these contradictory traits create an intensely interesting character—and the perfect character for a story like Star Wars, the perfect character where “BALANCE BETWEEN TWO THINGS” is the main symbolism.

Also all of Star Wars is about the Main Point: Faith Triumphs Over Fear.

Anakin’s biggest, hardest problem was that he only ever had faith in himself, his own ability to make everything turn out all right. And the fear that he wasn’t enough, and if he wasn’t enough then therefore nothing would be all right, caused him to fall. He just had to have more power because more power = more control and more control should, in a faithless worldview, = less fear. But of course it doesn’t. It actually just piles more weight on.

And then of course it’s faith that allows him to give up power and control. Which is turning back to the Light. But it’s Light untainted by detachment-rules, because when he turns back, he does it for love of Luke, his son. It’s awesome. He’s the best character in Star Wars.

ORIGINAL TRILOGY: (it’s cheating to say Darth Vader after all that, isn’t it) Luke Skywalker

I don’t mean for it to be all the main characters, I just think they did the best job on the main characters.

Luke is my favorite because he’s got the same problem as Anakin, but from a new, less angry angle. Instead of being told he’s the Chosen One, he thinks he comes from nothing and is nobody. And he wants to be somebody. He wants to do something big and epic and noble, he feels like the world is going by without him, when we first meet him.

Then the moment he learns that his father was a powerful Jedi, a living legend, that dream takes shape. And that shape is “Jedi.” Just in time for him to also lose his loved ones. And the whole movie, A New Hope, everyone is telling Luke, “wait! Come back! Slow down! Don’t just rush off!”

But Luke is never appreciating what he has while he has it. Luke is never slowing down and learning (philosophically.)

He’s always looking ahead, trying to see the next challenge he will face, trying to rush out ahead and save the people and things he cares about from whatever danger is coming, trying to see beyond the horizon. He’s focused on the future, and what he can do to affect it.

But then he has to learn to let go of his own ability, his own skill, and “Trust the Force.” Something outside of himself. Which is something not even his father Anakin could ever do. So he switches off his targeting system and blows up the Death Star.

Luke is brave and takes action, leaping into danger and working hard to believe in everybody—which is awesome, for a Star Wars hero. Because taking action is, in its way, faithful and not fearful. And, believing in the good in others is a faith-based decision, too. And it’s where he starts to be different from his grudge-holding, control-freak father. But both those traits—action-taking and belief in others��can become fear-based, also.

So he turns out to grow up in front of the audience’s very eyes with what, ladies and gentlemen? Another inner conflict that needs balancing. Conflict between faith and fear.

And the fact that Luke is a farm boy who feels like his potential is unfulfilled when we first meet him, and then our final beat with Luke is him throwing away his potential to cut the villains’ heads off, is such a good character arc.

(And I’ll never shut up about how Mark Hammill got his own character wrong, because The Last Jedi was an excellent way to wrap up Luke Skywalker as a character.)

SEQUELS: KYLO REN

I want to be very clear here.

I think Rey is an incredible character. And Finn. And Poe. I think all three of them are. Especially Rey and Finn. I think so much heart and no-brainer Star-Wars-iness is infused into those three characters, that I could easily answer this question what I love about any one of them and what makes them my favorite. Easily. It’s like, a five-way tie.

But Kylo Ren pulls ahead because he, as a character, was an often re-tread concept, but he makes it feel new and real. Actually, I should probably have said Kylo Ren AND Rey are my favorites from this trilogy. Because they really are two sides of the same character.

But! Kylo Ren is the pick.

He’s excellent in too many ways to count. But the best way is that he refuses to learn from failure. Which is poignant, because it ties back into Faith Triumphs Over Fear from a new angle that his predecessor-characters hadn’t explored yet.

He’s so desperate to escape the legacy he grew up under that he can’t learn from it. And that’s tragic, because the things he might learn would actually help him to feel the legacy as a helping hand, not a burden.

I mean, think about it. It’s the Sequel Trilogy. That means, by definition, audiences were going to come into this trilogy expecting to be shown something UNDER THE LEGACY-UMBRELLA of the Trilogy that Came Before. In that film-legacy’s shadow.

So then you have a villain, a main character, who is a literal representation of that? He’s not just the son of Leia Organa, hopeful inspiring-voice of the free world—he’s not just the son of Han Solo, hero who saved the world and won the heart of a princess despite scumbag origins—he’s not just the nephew of Luke Skywalker, heir to the Jedi Legends and Most Powerful Warrior in the Known World—

—he’s the grandson of Darth Vader, the monster the world needed saving from. The man who used to be Anakin Skywalker, powerful Chosen One corrupted against all odds.

That’s too much famous legacy for one young character with incredible powers. He literally couldn’t have done anything OTHER THAN make “I’m Never Going to Live Up to What They Hope, So I Might As Well Lean Into What They Fear” his new identity.

It’s like if Kylo Ren represented the Sequel Trilogy, and the Sequel Trilogy said, “I can’t live up to the legendary movies that came before me, so I might as well not be them,” but then the whole time you, the audience, are desperate to see traces of the legendary movies that came before buried inside. The same way Leia, Han, Luke, and Rey are desperate to see traces of Ben Solo in Kylo Ren. Ben. Named after the guy who meant “HOPE” to Leia, his mother.

HOPE he’s going to turn out okay! Like I HOPE these movies can make me feel the way their predecessors did!

That’s their villain. A guy who lets pressure from legacy twist him up. Genius. Success.

But away from the meta, back to that Main Point:

His whole tragic origin brings sharp focus back onto the original Main Point of Star Wars: “Faith Triumphs over Fear.”

Because Leia lost her son by sending him away. Why’d she send him away? Because she was afraid of the evil he might fall to, so to control the outcome of that scary scenario, she gave into fear and sent him away. From Ben’s perspective, she had no faith in him.

Neither did his father. Until the end. When he let go of his fear, listened to Leia’s plea to “bring him home,” and let faith that Ben Solo was in there get himself stabbed. But his final act was to caress Ben’s face? Not fear? Faith that this monster who is actively stabbing him is still his son?

Just like Luke didn’t have faith in Ben Solo—he saw visions of Everyone He Loved killed by Ben, just like his old visions of Han and Leia dying by Vader’s torture, and he showed that moment of fear and lack of faith to Ben, and THAT is what led to Ben’s fall.

Everyone is afraid of Ben Solo’s commitment to and potential for darkness.

Except Rey.

She never actually knew Ben Solo, but she still has faith he’s in there, because a glimpse is all she needs—he thinks that’s weakness, the same kind of dream that keeps her waiting for her parents.

But if the third movie hadn’t ruined it, he would have learned that it was never weakness, it was strength—strength that outpaces fear. The fear of failure that’s been defining his whole character since the beginning.

Those are my faves! Thanks for asking! Sorry if it was boring that I picked the Three Main Male Lightsaber Characters.

[aquaholicsanonymousworld]

The Pitts

Pairing: Dr. Whitaker x Surgeon!Reader

Summary: Dr. Whitaker has never been a problem for her. That is until he becomes the problem. A top surgeon, known for her cool-headed precision and unshakable confidence, suddenly finds herself an absolute disaster whenever he's around. Her usual Casanova charm? Gone. Her composure? Nonexistent.

Author's Note: Normally pathetic wimpy white guys make my skin crawl but there's something about Dr. Whitaker. Leave me alone in a trauma room with that man and he'll crawl out.

The second Dr. Whitaker walked into the room, she felt it—that ridiculous, uncontrollable shift from composed and capable to absolute disaster.

Normally, she was unshakable. A top surgeon, one of the best in her field. She had the respect of her colleagues and the unwavering confidence that came with years of being at the top. She handled pressure like it was nothing, made life-and-death decisions daily, and never let anything rattle her.

But with him?

She was a train wreck.

It was like someone flipped a switch in her brain, and suddenly, she couldn't function. Her hands trembled, her words stumbled, and she found herself laughing at things that weren't remotely funny. Worse, everyone around her noticed. Everyone except him.

"Hey, nice scrubs today," she blurted out as Whitaker passed by.

He stopped, giving her a quizzical look before glancing down at himself. "Uh... thanks? They're just the standard ones."

She nodded far too eagerly. "Yeah, but, you know, you really make them work. These ones are really holding up!"

A beat of silence. Then, from behind her, someone choked on a laugh. She turned just in time to see Dr. Robby shaking his head, trying (and failing) to hide his smirk.

Whitaker, completely oblivious, just smiled politely. "Appreciate that, I guess."

As soon as he walked away, Robby leaned in. "Smooth."

She groaned, rubbing a hand down her face. "Don’t."

"Oh, I will," he said, thoroughly enjoying her downfall. "You’ve got it bad."

"I do not."

"Right. That’s why you’re out here complimenting a guy’s scrubs like he’s wearing designer."

She sighed, crossing her arms. "It’s not a big deal. It’s just... annoying. I’m a top surgeon, Robby. I perform complex procedures without breaking a sweat. And yet, one guy walks into a room, and I—"

"Turn into a bumbling idiot? Yeah, I’ve noticed."

She shot him a glare. "Not helping."

Robby chuckled. "Look, you’ve always been the one in control. Maybe the idea of someone making you lose that control freaks you out. But if you ask me? It’s kind of refreshing."

She frowned. "Refreshing?"

"Yeah. It means you actually care. And maybe, instead of fighting it, you should just... let it happen."

She opened her mouth to argue but found herself at a loss. Because deep down, she knew he was right. And yet, it was easier said than done.

Which was why she was completely caught off guard when, after yet another day of fumbling around Whitaker like an idiot, everything changed.

It happened so fast. One second, she was standing at the nurse’s station, and the next, Whitaker was walking toward her with purpose.

Then he stopped right in front of her, grabbed her face with both hands, and kissed her.

Her brain short-circuited. Somewhere in the background, she vaguely registered the sound of someone gasping, followed by another voice going, "Oh, finally."

When Whitaker pulled back, his expression was unreadable, but his touch lingered, his hands still cupping her face. "I, uh... just found out something interesting."

She swallowed hard, heart hammering against her ribs. "Yeah?"

He smiled—soft, amused, and just a little smug. "You like me."

Somewhere behind them, someone who was absolutely Dr. Robby muttered, "Took him long enough."

She wanted to die. But also? She really, really wanted him to kiss her again.

And judging by the look in his eyes, he absolutely was going to.

[luc-not-skywalker]

So like on Kate cause everyone been seeking justice for her fsr???

I'll admit that her backstory (like specifically the blowing up Wayne and her relationship with her dad and also that one episode with Cassidy) is well-done, and feels right. Exploding that bitch also 100% justified.

They lost me however when she went out of her way to get a toy airplane from her childhood crush that she would proceed to stake lives on for no good reason other than it belonged to him. Also seeking out her mom just to say hi when she knows exactly what would happen and ends up killing Tom, who had a wife and baby son was absolutely ridiculous. She also left her husband in a very similar way to both Sarah and Susan, whom I don't think anyone can say they like, only she drugged him.

As for pick-me behavior, its the constant "I'm coming with you even though you explicitly told me not to" followed by her coming being the reason they keep getting into trouble. How she has to ignore everything she is told to do that will keep her and others safe simply for defiance' sake.

It's the way she uses James, who she doesn't begin to deserve, because she can't handle Jack hanging out with another woman. She joins him in his cage and... That painful scene just because she thought he was going to die.

It's the way this scene made me throw up in my mouth:

I think a positive part of her character is how she is a good friend to the survivors (excluding Jack and James) especially to Hurley, Sun, Claire, and Sayid. She's a great friend, but a horrible lover.

Ultimately Kate's biggest problem is that she's a woman written by a man (But hey, so were Juliet and Sun who are two of the best characters on the show). It's not her fault that the dialogue written for Kate was cringe at best, but its also not Sayid's fault that his off-island story arc ruined his personality, as it's not Ben's fault that the second they try to make him sympathetic it takes away all of his power, and that John Locke thinks he's god because his legs started working (Rose lost her terminal cancer and all she did was organize a kitchen)

Lost is my favorite show, but the only characters who I truly liked 100% of the time they were on screen were Hurley, Juliet, and Jin (maybe James).

Kate is a way too overpowered "strong female lead because she rejects all things feminine and murders people and is stuck in a love triangle" stereotype, and I don't like her. At all.

My 50 year old mother AND father can see it. My 11 year old brother who has missed 50% of elementary school can see it. My 13 year old brother who doesn't know like a single girl can see it. And my 3rd sibling, who is almost an adult and an absolutely brilliant writer, thinks everything about her is a joke.

So there it is. Sort of. I have bad memory and am also sick so I probably forgot a lot of things.

The thoughts that run through my head as I rewatch lost

[lotus-pear]

finally started p5 royal ‼️‼️‼️‼️

expect some royal trio art soon they are my dearly beloveds (minus akechi i hope he dies in this reality too)

[goldengrecha]

How are we feeling today, people who read pokespe?

[steeltwigz]

Saw a post abt the Sonic movies that was like "plz filter negativity posts better" which is GOOD AND TRUE you should be doing that. Ok. But then they kept going to imply that the criticisms of the Sonic movies are all entirely Personal and Ignorable and not like. Usually abt the horrific copaganda, misogynistic writing, and Paramount's disgusting zionism.... Guys a lot of ppls problem w the Knuckles show wasn't JUST a bastardization of Knuckles' character or thinking Wade was annoying or whatever, but like was focused on the grotesque Zionist message from that one episode 😭😭😭 you can enjoy something and still recognize that it has intrinsic and huge glaring flaws and talk abt them. I think actually you Should be speaking up abt the misogyny, zionism and propaganda the SCU supports and discusses, ESPECIALLY if you like the movies! Its important to be able to recognize these things in media and admit that even media you personally enjoy can be deeply problematic, instead of hiding it away and pretending those HUGE FLAWS aren't issues actually....

[brionysea]

if stranger things 5 comes out and they're like 'omg! the upside down has been a product of someone's dark and twisted mind this whole time! it's... WILL!' I'll immediately lose interest

[squarebracketsmileyface]

IMAGINE! High school sweethearts/early college Brim - personally i dont think Tim would be able to get on T until he can get a job to pay out of pocket (because you know the system isn’t exactly LGBT friendly) - so Brian gets to watch Tim’s t-dick grow the longer he’s on T over time aaaa

i get Sweaty thinking about Brian pushing Tim’s legs back to get a good view of his pussy, and seeing that cute lil thing get bigger and bigger and telling Tim he’s ‘getting to be such a big boy’ to fluster Tim and make him feel good about himself :D and then Brian comments about how much easier it gets to stroke/suck his dick as it grows aaa

Also, god forgive me, but something about the whole ‘getting to be such a big boy’ in terms of Tim’s dick just gives me DOPAMINE. like its that perfect dose of affection and dominance that kills me :D

Oooooooooooooo yes

I love Tim and Brian being highschool sweethearts so much, and them in college/uni is like, so perfect. Tim definitely wouldn't be on T til he could pay for it himself, you're right, I think it'd be once he was in his second year of uni that he started T, so (going off my made up Sorry, It's Locked timeline) during their first year, when they were helping Alex with his film project, he wouldn't have been on T until like, at earliest right at the end of that year I think.

Okay, rest of it's under the thingy since it's NSFW, in case you don't wanna see that

Anyway, whenever it happens, he goes on T after he and Brian have already been just quietly dating for a while, so Brian is veryyyyyy familiar with how he looks down there (Brian being very enthusiastic about giving oral is a huge headcanon of mine) and Tim starts seeing changes pretty early on, like bottom growth is one of the first changes he sees. And like, Brian's his boyfriend, so of course he's gonna tell him about it and wanna show him, because this is something he's wanted for ages, and he needs to know he isn't going mad and just imagining it because he's so excited for the changes he knows T can bring.

Brian's 100% on board, he'd never say no to being able to get his head between his boyfriend's legs. I think he'd definitely use it as an excuse to suck him off, like he'd make some dumb joke about "hmm I dunno, I can't see any difference... You should lemme suck you off, I know what your dick feels like better than I know what it looks like". Tim would find it horrendously endearing and would also laugh at Brian for the world's worst pickup line. He'd let Brian suck him off though.

I do like to think it'd go silly wrong just that first time tho, like not badly wrong, everything's fine. It's just like, y'know, bottom growth can be sensitive AF and Brian jumps straight into sucking Tim's dick and ends up almost getting kneed in the head because it's wayyyyyyyy too much and Tim ends up needing to pull Brian off and be like "okay I'm done, fucking hell, yeah no that's a lot I'm gonna need like two to three business days". They kinda have to refigure out oral as Tim's dick grows on T, especially since at first it's very sensitive just cos it's like, so new I guess, and the anticipation for it feeling different then makes it feel even more sensitive cos Tim's thinking about it so much lol.

At first they actually end up kinda leaving his dick alone as much as possible, like Brian will still look at it and compliment it and stuff like that definitely, but his actual effort is all focussed around eating Tim out rather than sucking him off, y'know? Like, if he accidentally bumps up against Tim's dick, that's fine, but for the most part it's getting his tongue inside him rather than his lips around him, y'know?

Eventually tho, Brian gets to suck him off properly for the first time, and he's fucking obsessed with it. Tim practically drowns him he's holding him in place with his hands and thighs so tight. Brian 100% uses that "getting to be so big" line right before he actually gets his mouth on him, and Tim pretty much dies, because it's so hot, and Brian's got his arms under and hooked round his thighs to pull him closer and hold him in place even while Tim's still shuddering trying to relax into it and get used to how overwhelming it feels.

Tim has the best night of his life so far and by the end of it he's so shaky it's actually laughable.

Like, Brian sucks him off, makes him cum like that, and then gets his dick inside him, and they're in a position that every time Brian thrusts in his pelvis smacks and grinds right against Tim's dick, and with how sensitive he is right now that makes him clench so tight around him. Like, Brian's in heaven, and he barely wiped his mouth before he started fucking Tim, so they're making out through it and Tim's just tasting himself.

Like, they both have the best time playing with Tim's t-dick after that, Brian develops a fondness for cockwarming him. Tim will be doing something in his room and Brian will just come in and push his legs apart so he can nose at his cunt, and Tim will just sigh like he's being a nuisance and push his trousers and pants down so Brian can get himself properly situated and just lie or sit there with Tim's dick in his mouth, sucking it gently every now and again.

He uses that "you're getting to be so big" line so often during that. Like, he jokes that it's just him keeping an eye on "how everything's going down there" and he'll make comments every time like he can actually tell the difference day to day. Like, logically, there's no noticeable size difference day by day, but he'll always say there is just to get Tim all flustered and to tell him to shut up all embarrassed.

Also Brian kisses the tip of Tim's dick every time he pulls off for the night.

They've definitely made the tips of their dicks kiss too, just because they thought it'd be funny. I think one of them would have taken a photo, just to have it. It's like the first and last photo of them having sex that they ever take lol, but they just both really love the look of Tim's dick next to Brian's.

[funkbun]

if i start thinking about Hector too hard they start beating me over the head with every weapon on earth ever

[kickassfu]

my dog might die tonight

my mom's depressed and emotionally exhausted, to the point she slurs her words and feels like a zombie most days

has said to my face she doesn't want to fix it

that soon her mom will die and me and my sister are grown so...

we don't need her

and my dog's old and sick

in pain

at the vet getting oxygen and medication

to see if he'll make it through the night

and thank god he's there, so he doesn't have to suffer

but he's not next to us

he might die alone away from us

i think there's some poetic bullshit there

he would die in pain by our side

but he has a chance to survive away from us

and if he doesn't make it till the next day he'll die alone, but without pain

i just want to take everyone's pain away

but I can't

i can't fix it

it's not up to me

i can't do shit