#going mostly offline for the coming hours

[ganondoodle]

now that im off work, im just gonna say .. no

im not believing it for the next few days, until then i refuse to accept that things can only ever get worse, i dont want a world where it only ever gets worse, i have just been getting a grip at one of the worst relapses of depression of my life, i cant just let go and play into the doomerism that plagues everything enough already.

[bitegore]

Odd to me that the whole "x trans group has it worse, actually" people seem to both be really optimistic about how cissexual cisgender society views trans people of every stripe, just about different groups. Like they don't see any of us as one of them. There's still regular degular transphobia and its fucking everpresent for literally every trans person there is. There's no passing so successful that you opt out of society beong transphobic on literally any side.

[brooooswriting]

Hi would you write for a Leighton x reader where r forgets to take their adhd meds and they get really overwhelmed and they just ‘disappear’ and nobody can find them and they’re just in Leighton’s bed trying to de stress, and the first place they thought of was leightons because they feel safe and calm with her?

Where were you?

Leighton was about to have a breakdown. She hasn't seen you for over 24 hours, and she hasn't heard from you for about 5 hours now, which wasn't normal. The last time she really heard from you was this morning when you texted her good morning, and since then, nothing. She didn't think anything about it since you would always join her and her roommates for lunch but you were a no-show.

So, she texted you, but nothing. She asked your friends and again nothing. And when no one could reach you and nobody found you, a bit of panic went loose in all your friends. While your friends and Leighton went crazy, you were quietly laying in a bed.

Leighton’s bed, to be exact. The covers were pulled up to your head as you soaked in the blonde’s smell, which lay atop you like a protective barrier. All the stress, negative thoughts, and feelings nearly disappeared. Yesterday, like the idiot you could be, you forgot to take your meds. You didn't really notice until suddenly every small thing started to annoy you and overwhelm you. The fact that you didn't know the reason for it made things even worse until you figured that you forgot your meds.

By now, Leighton, her friends and your friends were on a search mission for you. They knew how you could be and if you went offline in every sense that could mostly mean bad things. So, Leighton searched in your building complex and the gym, Kimberly was looking through the dining hall and the shops, Whitney was going to the donut shop close by and your friends were looking through some of the lecture halls. Bela decided to look for you in the library after getting a hoodie from her and Leightons room.

The girl stalked inside, typing on her phone as she slammed the door open. She hummed as she searched through her closet, grabbing a nice one and turning around just to let it fall when she saw someone in Leightons bed. “Leighton? I thought we are going to search y/n” she questioned as she stepped closer. “Leighton?” She pulled the covers back a bit just to see y/h/c and eyebrows that definitely didn’t belong to Leighton. “Y/n?” She mumbled to herself before sighing.

She exited the room with her phone in hand to let the others know. “Leight? I found her, she’s sleeping in your bed” she explained as she got an apple sauce from the mini fridge.

“You gotta be kidding me. I’m going to kill her” the blonde grumbled and hung up the phone making Bela giggle. Leighton was fuming, not because you were in her room but because you were sleeping in there peacefully while she was freaking out. The dorm room slammed open making her roommate flinch, “is she still in bed?”

“Yeah, she’s dead asleep I guess” she explained but was mostly ignored as Leighton was already slamming the door to their room open. Bela decided that she didn’t want to be a part of this so she left and told everybody that you were fine.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” She screamed as she pulled the blanket off of you, making you whine. You stuttered something out that wasn’t understandable. “Why are you just sleeping here?” She questioned as you carefully sat up, her relief that you were fine overwhelming her and making her miss your shaky hands and wet eyes.

“I- I am sorry. I didn’t think that you’d be mad about it. I mean you gave me the keys after all” you stuttered again and avoided any eye contact with the mad blonde. Her anger seemed to subside though as she started to see the weird way you were behaving and the tears in your eyes.

“Why did you come here?” Her voice was much softer this time, but she kept her distance as long as she didn’t know what was wrong. You scotched back against the headboard and pulled the blanket over you again.

“I forgot to take my meds and i didn’t even notice until I suddenly felt annoyed by everything and everyone and I started to have panic and anxiety and headaches and tantrums and I was so frustrated and normally I would have called you but the headaches made it impossible to look at my phone. So…” you hesitated to keep talking as Leighton sat next to you, her arm wrapped around you pulling you closer to give you comfort.

“So the first place you thought of was my bed?” Your head was laying on her shoulder which made you miss her smile when she said that. Trusting someone has never come easy to her but trusting you was like breathing, it came natural to her.

“I-yeah. I’m sorry if I overstepped, it’s just the thought of your perfume and all of this around me made me calm down already” you explained further playing with the fingers on her hand that wasn’t wrapped around you.

“Gosh, now I feel like an asshole. I love the fact that you thought of me first and felt comfortable coming here, I was just scared. Nobody had heard from you for over five hours and that is never good so I thought that maybe something had happened. I’m sorry I was so rude when I came inside” it was easy to know that she was telling the truth, her voice was so soft that it was impossible that she was lying.

“No, I get it. I would have been mad too. I’m sorry I didn’t text, it just slipped my mind” her arm squeezes you a bit tighter, which was her way of showing that she understood and was fine with it. You stayed in a comfortable silence for a moment before you noticed your headaches coming back, you often had them after feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Your shifting was an obvious sign to the blonde by now.

“How are you now?” She questioned, looking down at you with a look that told you not to lie. It was smart, you would have tried to lie but she had a different kind of power over you.

“My head still hurts” you quietly confessed, looking down at the blanket that was covering your legs. Leighton sighs and leans over to get some medicine from next to her bed.

“Here take these and then turn over so I can cuddle you while we take another nap” she insisted, not leaving any space for arguments which, again, was smart. It was rather early in the day and you knew she still had classes.

You mumbled a thank you, took the pill and turned on your side facing away from the blonde so she could hug you from behind. The light was quickly turned off and a text was shot to her roommates to be quiet when they came home. “Leighton?”

“Yes love?”

“Thank you for caring” you weren’t quite at the ‘I love you’ mark yet, so this was the best you could do. You had both shown how much you loved each other throughout the day; you could only think of her during your worst moments and she would have torn down the campus to find you.

“Thank you for feeling safe with me” she pressed a kiss to your head and pulled you closer before you both drifted off to sleep.

[atinylittlepain]

Little Pinch

nurse!marcus pike x f!reader

she needs to get bloodwork done. one small problem, getting bloodwork done never goes well for her, especially not when she's distracted by the very kind, very handsome nurse doing it.

wordcount | 3.3K

content info | 18+ discussions of getting bloodwork that includes needles, fainting, nausea, mostly fluff, nurse marcus to the rescue, this is just a fun time, also an un-beta'd time so like, be nice pls

a/n | shoutout to the girls (gn) that pass out every time they get blood work done (me). I have to get new labs tomorrow morning, and writing this is how I coped with that prospect :') this one is for the fainters, the thin veiners, the "just do it in my hand"-ers - i see you, i am you, gawd bless

..........................................................................

Here’s the thing, this never goes well. It wasn’t always like this though. She has a vague memory of being a kid and taking it like a perfect champ, testing for mono after a rash of cases at school. But then, well, something changed. 

It runs in her family. Thin veins that are hard for even the best nurses to find, lots of oh, I just lost it, and well, let’s try your other arm, and always, ultimately, hands? Should we try the hands? No, the nurses never listen when she tells them to just start with the hands, and without fail, somewhere around the third or fourth time they try to get the needle in, a cold sweat breaks, and the room starts to filter through a fuzzy pinhole of vision. It’s embarrassing, she thinks, because, really, she has no problem with needles. Can watch it go in, no issues with piercings, et cetera, et cetera, but getting blood drawn? Yeah, forget about it. She usually comes to with paperwork around her feet that she had been holding, and a well-meaning nurse pressing a damp paper towel to her forehead and breathing the remnants of her lunch over her face and alright, hon? Usually a box of apple juice and an escort out to her car to make sure she doesn’t go offline again. 

The other thing is, unfortunately, she’s pretty sure her little fainting, fading thing has gotten worse over the years. A conditioned response, she thinks, that cold sweat starts the second she walks into the waiting room, already anticipating what comes next. And today, well, even worse than some of the others. Twelve hours fasted, and no, that certainly won’t help her case, no matter how much water she downed before she came here, no matter how tight she squeezes her fist in the hopes of pumping even one vein up enough to be tenable. She looks at the woman sitting across from her in the waiting room, reading a back-ordered issue of Cosmo, flipping and flippant and really, why can’t she be like that? Why can’t she be normal like that? Instead, her heel is doing a frantic tap, whole leg jerking with it, and everytime she checks her watch she feels her heart creep a little further up into her throat. 

If she’s being honest, she thought about canceling her labs. No, doc, all good, doc, don’t need to know, doc. And then a friend pointed out, frustratingly, that avoidance is only going to make it worse. Right, so, right, so right, so, here she is. And here’s the nurse opening the door and right, calling her name, and it’s a man nurse, male nurse, though she’s pretty sure she’s not being PC by making that specification in her mind because really, twenty-first century, and really, anyone can be a nurse. But not anyone, right? Lots of schooling, right? Right. She realizes a bit too late that she hadn’t responded to the nurse calling her name, jerking up out of her chair and trying for a smile that she thinks probably looks more like constipation. And that’s just great because now man nurse, sorry, just nurse, probably thinks she’s constipated and she’d rather not have the, actually, very handsome, just nurse, thinking that on top of whatever she’s got going on that necessitates lab work she also can’t take a shit. Right. 

“We’re going to be in this room right here.” Handsome just nurse has a nice voice too, deep but kind, and a strong jawline, and a patchy beard but she likes that it’s patchy, and he’s tan and he’s got one of those big watches that tells you how hard your heart was beating on your run and he probably runs in the afternoon after clocking out of the needle-in-arms gig and that’s probably why he’s so tan, probably has a golden retriever who runs with him too, because he looks like a golden retriever guy, dark flop of wavy hair and that smile and oh, oh, he just asked her a question and now she’s supposed to answer it. 

“I’m sorry, could you say that again?” He smiles, nods, being nice, at least, about her whole scared prey animal situation. She presses her palm down hard on her knee to keep it from bouncing any more. 

“It says on this order that these labs need to be taken fasted. Can you confirm to me that you haven’t had anything to eat or drink besides water in the last twelve hours?” Oh yes, yep, she can confirm that for you, Marcus, his name is Marcus, says so on his little lanyard badge. Thanks for the easy one, Marcus, pitch right down the middle, Marcus, with your nice smile and your clipboard and your, well, needles and tubes. But before he can get started with his, well, needles and tubes, she makes a strangled, sort of despondent sound because in situations like these, she comes with a warning label. 

“I should let you know I have, um, bad veins? Honestly, you can just start with my hands, I don’t mind it. And also, I’m a fainter, yeah, so, it happens every time, just so you know.” And usually, usually, her spiel is given very little notice, mmmokay, hon. Sure, they’ll lay her back, how merciful, so she doesn’t crack her skull open on the way out of conscious orbit. That’s about it, though. But this time, she thinks, might just be different.

“Okay, thank you for giving me the heads up. If you’re sure you’re alright with starting with the hands then it’s fine by me to get it done that way.” So, so fine, Marcus, and maybe, just maybe, she thinks she might not pass out this time. He sets the exam table at a reclined angle and she wills her rigid spine to settle against it, trying to find the balance between breathing so deeply she starts to get light headed, and not breathing at all. In case you were wondering, yes, she is on medication for anxiety, it just doesn’t seem to presently be working. 

“Just gonna feel around a bit here for a good one.” She only feels a little insane for the kick and clench in her heart when he takes her one hand in both of his, because he’s just palpating the back of her hand to find, as he said, a good one. Yes, the word for it is palpating, and there is certainly nothing romantic nor, hello, sexual about anything that’s called palpating. But, hey, taking wins where she can get them, and even through the latex gloves, his hands are warm and big and very know what they’re doing about the whole thing. And she’s no expert, obviously, but he’s got a very nice, very visible vein in his forearm, and she bets phlebotomists love him, bets that when he gets blood drawn, he’s in and out no problem, bets that even she could draw blood from him. Nope, nothing sexual about that, nothing weird about that, right? Right. Nothing sexual either, when he ties off the tight band around her arm and she watches his one bicep flex a little with the effort. 

“I can count you down, or you can look away and I’ll just get it done, whichever you prefer.”

“Uh, no preference, I’ll just look away and you can do whatever you want to me.” Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ. She realizes exactly what she just said a bit too late, him, Marcus, nice nurse Marcus, letting out a laugh that fizzles out into a cough. Great, now she’s made her fucking phlebotomist uncomfortable, possibly one of the last people you want to make uncomfortable. But if that, whatever that was, lingers, he doesn’t show it, already swiping an antiseptic wipe over the back of her hand and pulling his little cart of tubes closer to himself. And she knows this part, she’s good at this part, letting her eyes sweep up and to the right, because he’s on her left, and willing whatever vein he decided is a good one to stay a good one. Little pinch, little prayer, she lets out a held breath when he says a quiet alright and keeps the needle exactly where it is. Hallelujah.

“This might take a little longer, just because we’re drawing from your hand.”

“I’ll bleed as fast as I can then.” At the very least, he laughs, even though she wishes she had kept that one to herself. 

“Do you live around here?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“Sorry, I’m trying to distract you.” 

“Didn’t they teach you how to do that in like, phlebotomy school?” She still has her eyes turned up and away, only a little wince when he switches out one tube for another. He hums at her question.

“Not really, I could ask you about the weather, is that better?” 

“It’s cloudy. Not much of a conversation starter.” 

“Well, why don’t you ask me something, since you’re such an expert on starting conversations.”

“Do you have a golden retriever?”

“What?”

“Sorry, you just, you look like the kind of guy who’d have a golden retriever.” Another tube clicks into place, but she’s not paying any attention to that now. 

“Uh, no, no golden retriever. I do however have a very old, very deaf pit mix named Lucille.” Goddamnit, somehow that’s hotter than the golden retriever. 

“Great name.”

“Yeah, I thought so too. She came with it when I adopted her.” God. Fucking. Damn it. What next, is he a volunteer firefighter on the weekends?

“Alright, that’s the last one.”

“Wait, really?” She chances a skittish glance but, sure enough, the needle is out.

“Yep, just let me get a band-aid for you and you’re all set.” Is he? Is she? Really? Going to make it out of here with no blackout? She considers, very briefly, as Marcus is smoothing a band-aid over the back of her hand, whether it’s possible to put a phlebotomist on retainer. 

“If you want to sit for a minute and make sure you’re feeling alright before getting up that’s totally fine. I can also get you water or juice if you’re getting lightheaded.” 

“Oh, no, I’m fine actually. Which, hey, thanks for not making me faint and stuff– that’s a first for me in a very long–” Oh, oh, stops herself mid-compliment because oh, oh, maybe stood up too fast, because the room is going a little dark, a little sideways, cold prickle and nauseous and–

“Easy, easy, I’m gonna help you sit up, okay?” His voice is a little fuzzy around the edges. To be honest, he’s a little fuzzy around the edges, though she knows right away what happened. No, not her first rodeo, like she blinked and then came to in a strange sprawl on the end of the exam table. Marcus presents a dixie cup to her, holds it right in her line of sight because clearly, she’s still a little slumped, still a little vacant, and a little warm, actually, which is new, and a little pleasant, and, oh, it’s because his arm is curled around her shoulders, firm palm held there to help her sit up. Oh. He smells like clorox and something woodsy, and it shouldn’t, but it kind of works. 

“You feeling okay?”

“Mmmhmm.” She’s afraid of what might come out of her mouth if she doesn’t keep her lips pressed in a thin line, mmhmms again when he asks if she can sit up on her own, only a little despondent when he takes his arm away. 

“So, you really weren’t kidding about that happening every time, huh?” 

“Nope, wish I was. It’s– I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“That you had to deal with that.”

“You don’t have to be sorry about that, it’s part of the job. And actually, you fainted about as perfectly as I could’ve asked you to.”

“I didn’t know you could faint like, well.” 

“Right before you went down you said I’m gonna faint. That’s a lot better than getting no heads up and turning around to find my patient unresponsive on the ground.” 

“Oh gee, I bet you say that to all your patients.” Lord, if there was ever a time to put her out of her misery it’d be now. She probably still looks green from her little trip to outer space but sure, flirt with Marcus, handsome nurse Marcus who just watched you absolutely eat it. Kick your feet and bat your eyelashes while you’re at it. 

“I take it you’re feeling better then? Are you okay to walk out to the front desk?” And the rest is, mercifully, easy. He walks her to the front desk, squeezes her shoulder and gives her a good job today that she likes a little too much. She makes a mental note to herself to never come back to this clinic for any future bloodwork, lest she make a fool of herself all over again in front of a man who, with any luck, she will never see again. 

…

“Yes, this is she speaking.” This is she speaking in the middle of the cereal aisle with a half-filled grocery basket at her feet. She sets her gaze on a hyper-realized image of a granola cluster (now with real strawberries!) while the woman on the other end of the phone tells her that her lab results came in and were sent over to her doctor. 

“Oh, great, thank you for letting me know. Do you know– did things look okay?” 

“We don’t interpret the results, ma’am. Your doctor will go over that with you.” She doesn’t quite catch that, doesn’t catch the woman’s ma’am? either, a little preoccupied with staring down the aisle, because is that? Is he? He looks good out of the scrubs. 

“Ma’am?”

“Sorry, no, um, of course. Thanks again.” If the woman had anything else to tell her, it’s a little too late for it, already hung up, and she’s trying to decide if she wants him to see her, or if fleeing immediately is the best course of action. He probably wouldn’t even recognize her, she thinks. It’s been a couple of weeks since the whole ordeal. And actually, she’d prefer if he didn’t recognize her. Oh yeah, the one who, well, ate it. But it seems the choice has already been made for her, because he saw her, walking down the aisle toward her, with his chin tilted down and part of a smile like he isn’t sure, but he’s pretty sure. He says her name like a question. Guilty as charged.

“Marcus, right?” Like she forgot his name, ha. His smile stretches, a little brighter, palm to the nape of his neck, and while she got the golden retriever part wrong, she totally clocked the rest, watch on his wrist and nice-looking athletic shorts and just-right-tight t-shirt with the little swoosh on the chest. She thinks his hair might even be a little sweat-damp, curled ends nearly getting in his eyes. In other words, she’s a goner. 

“How have you been since we– you, well–”

“Since I passed out on you?” Yeah, that, he laughs out and yeah, she likes him, sue her. 

“Just for the record, I believe it was you who said I passed out perfectly, so.” Shrug, so, he takes a step closer, leans in a little like he’s going to tell her a secret. In the cereal aisle, of all places. 

“Just for the record, I really don’t say that to all my patients.”

“No?”

“Nope, just the nervous, pretty ones.”

“I was not nervous.”

“You weren’t?”

“Nope.”

“Are you just gonna blow past the other thing?”

“What thing?”

“The pretty thing.”

“Yep.” Something a little giddy, like being back in high school, shared, shit-eating and smug grins. He shakes his head and she rolls her lips back in her mouth to stop her smile from getting any cheesier. 

“So, you do live around here then?” 

“Mm, yeah, I do. And so do you?”

“I do.”

“Nice, nice.”

“Lovely weather we’re having.”

“Wow.” 

“What? I’m making conversation.”

“You’re still not very good at it.”

“I’ll keep working on it for you.”

“Sure, okay. What kind of cereal do you get?”

“What kind do you think I get?”

“You look like a Kashi guy, if I’m honest.”

“Somehow I feel insulted.”

“Well.”

“You’re not even right either.” 

“No? What do you get then?” He just smiles, steps away and reaches up to the top of the shelf and she is very grateful to General Mills for being located on the top shelf because his shirt rides up just enough to see a bare hip. In cheerios we trust. 

“Apple cinnamon, seriously?”

“What? It’s a classic.”

“Actually, you know what, that tracks.” 

“What do you get?” She waggles her basket in front of him in response, goods already procured. 

“Peanut butter chex, respectable choice.”

“Thank you, thank you.” 

“You know, I’d say we’re pretty good at this conversation thing.”

“Yeah, we’re not bad.”

“Do you want to do this again sometime? Not in the cereal aisle?”

“What, you mean like in the produce section?” He smiles at that, rolls his eyes, his basket lightly bonking against hers. 

“I was thinking more like dinner, or drinks if that’s your thing?” 

“I might be free on Saturday.”

“I might also be free on Saturday.” 

“Well, sounds like we’re both free on Saturday.”

“Can I get your number?” His lockscreen is a picture of a dog. Lucille, he tells her, before she was very old and very deaf. She can’t help how big her smile gets at that. 

“Text me, and we’ll do this whole conversation thing again.” I will, he says, phone tucked back into his pocket, though he seems to think twice before asking her can I see something really quick. Not entirely sure what he means when she nods, but then his hand sort of hovers over her forearm, may I? He really does have nice hands, she doesn’t think twice about nodding again. 

“Oh yeah, we didn’t have to use your hand. I could have totally gotten it from here.” His hand curled around her elbow and his thumb lightly pressing into what she can only assume is a vein, and he says it so earnestly that she can’t help the incredulous laugh that rises up in her chest. 

“Really? You’re still stuck on that, huh?” He smiles something sheepish, pad of his thumb rubbing an apology into her skin before pulling away. She didn’t really want him to pull away.

“Sorry, occupational hazard, I guess.” 

“Kinda weird, you know.”

“Did I just ruin this whole thing?”

“Mmm, no, I kinda like it.”

“So, Saturday?”

“Looking forward to it, Marcus.” 

[dreamlifebunny]

bunny's ✨digital detox✨ + manifestation challenge!

hi friends! i've decided to do a little "dopamine detox" so that i can become more present in my day-to-day, connect with myself and my passions, and apply the law. instead of leaving you without any posts, i thought i would turn this short absence of mine into a challenge so that you can join me if you're interested! this is going to be a very simple challenge that mostly focuses on regaining joy in your life, but i hope it can bring you inspiration and peace.

purpose of challenge: to help your brain enjoy simple things again and fill your life with more joy, to get off of social media and apply the law, and to manifest anything you desire. as you can see, this is mostly a challenge to reconnect with ourselves and what brings us joy, but manifestation is the added bonus of this challenge!

step one:

delete or hide apps on your phone or laptop that involve mindless stimulation. for me, this includes tumblr, social media, checking things that give me notifications like my email, etc. normally, tumblr wouldn't be included in this because i use it for learning about the law, but part of this challenge is about getting offline and actually applying the law, so for now i will be deleting it.

step two:

make a list of activities that bring you joy that don't involve mindless stimulation. here are some ideas of things that i like to do if you're having trouble coming up with your own list:

scripting my dream life and coming up with cute scenarios in my head

writing a letter to a friend and decorating it with my own art or stickers

reading a fiction book and getting lost in the story

reading a non-fiction book to learn things about my passions and interests

singing and playing instruments

journaling or filling out writing prompts

going for bike rides or long walks with music

playing fun video games, but not for hours on end like i normally would heh

step three:

decide what you are going to manifest and choose your favourite methods to fulfill yourself! remember, this challenge is about connecting with yourself and what you love, so pick the methods that make you smile. i really enjoy daydreaming about my desires and feeling every emotion in my body that comes up and knowing that my desire is real.

REMEMBER: this challenge is primarily about doing a digital detox to give our brains more happiness. the main goal isn't to manifest, but it is SO much easier to manifest when our brains aren't constantly stimulated and consuming information. our desires manifesting is an added bonus for this challenge!

step four:

as you engage with your life and connect with awareness (who you are at your core) and as you enjoy activities that bring you joy, remind yourself in whatever way feels best to you that you have all of your desires, and that this extra space you're giving your brain is allowing more space for your lovely desires to show up in your life

step five:

report back during the end of any three-day period from when you start this challenge with your results! results could include how you feel, what you learned about yourself, what you manifested or realized about your manifestation, how your days looked without constantly stimulation, or anything you wish to share!

important note:

detoxing from constant stimulation is a HARD THING TO DO! they design apps to make us addicted, and your need for constant stimulation is not your fault. if at any point this challenge brings up feelings of shame or struggle due to the addiction of constant stimulation, make sure you are compassionate and loving to yourself; you're doing a wonderful thing as a gift to yourself and are a good person who is doing something very tricky, and you should be proud that you are even giving it a try. you are strong and badass and deserve the world and all of your desires! if at any point you need to dip out of this challenge, make sure to pat yourself on the back and thank yourself for trying it and know that you can always do it again in the future if you want to c:

love you friends! i am so excited to see the results of this challenge. i am proud of you, i am inspired by you, and i can't wait to see you all soon! 🥰

lots of love, bunny 💕

[cozzzynook]

Drift and Rodimus are practicing with swords when Rodimus suddenly collapses.

So i made a WHOLE story about this with rodimus dying & being brought back to life by drift & ratchet getting something to save his spark that gave out. And rodimus lost his love for life & wanted to take himself out the game to meet the primes for real so drift & ratchet get rung involved & the three go off to a different planet so rodimus can get something help & they can all do something to help each other but mostly help rodimus want to live again.

Rodimus finds a love in the water because after his spark gave out & he was offline for a long time his spark was never going to be the same & he could never spar, fight or race for hours like he used to ever again.

Rodimus can’t enjoy himself like before. He can’t meteor surf, he can’t race with drift or at all or transform like he used to.

Ratchet and drift feel guilty for saving rodimus even though it was the right thing to do and something all three wanted at the time. Only thing that changed is rodimus wishing they didn’t save him.

Rodimus has daily appointments with rung & drift & ratchet talk with rung separately throughout the week.

Rodimus finds love in water but now i’m thinking he finds joy in fishing specially but only when alone.

He feels like a useless cog and its made worse when he realizes time & time again he’s with two older mechs who are in better shape than him in all aspects now. He used to be the most energetic & youthful but now he’s empty & feels like a waste.

Now i’m thinking Rodimus is a little bit better after the trip. He’s not actively trying to take himself out but he doesn’t have much life in him.

He just goes through the motions and would rather be alone which is so different from the rodimus they once knew.

He’s quiet, stares off into space, doesn’t smile, his paint is faded & dull & he just..looks done with it all.

Drift & ratchet are desperate to help him but don’t know what to do. Ratchet can’t find a way to bring rodimus spark back to its original health and drift doesn’t know how to get rodimus to open up.

..soooo maybe its not either of them who are meant to get rodimus to open up?

Maybe its a sparkling found in the rubble that takes one look at rodimus who is notified of the situation ( safely on board in the medical ward in case of the ship getting hijacked or an attack ) and goes to look at the sparkling due to Megatrons wishes.

( he knows the joy a sparkling can bring when your soul is tormented )

Rodimus doesn’t plan on staying longer than a nano-sec. He goes in to glance at the sparkling, barely a glance really, and turns to leave but Megatron stops him and sets him in front of the sparkling.

Its then that the sparkling gets a look at rodimus and full on wails for him!

arms reached out and frame trying to arch up and wiggle to him!

Megatron is smiling because he knows whats bound to happen and holds rodimus up by his shoulders until ratchet and drift come in and he moves to let them take over.

Drift is holding rodimus by the lower back while ratchet is holding him around his back on his spoiler.

The sparkling keeps crying trying to get to him and rodimus is desperately trying not to let his spark open up for the tiny being thats bandaged up, crying, a shade of gray much to haunting to be their natural color as he sees the state of their malnourished frame and buckles.

Its honestly the first time many have seen rodimus cry and thats actually just about every bot save for one in the room, really the whole crew.

Rodimus doesn’t comprehend bending down to pick up the crying sparkling, he only has a flash of memory during his first moment alive in Nyon when he onlined and cried for hours and hours alone as his creators frame grayed until Kup and Perceptor found him.

By the time Perceptor returns to the lost light with brainstorm after their conjunx cementing, Percy is filled in on everything that happened and rushes to his bitty only to see Rodimus in a much better state than the quick recap he was given through memory chip sharing.

Rodimus has a new paint choice, the darker paint design from cyberverse, he’s slimmer but looking like he’s trying to gain his weight back. He’s actually smiling again, something drift & ratchet miss with their entire being, and doing things instead of staring at nothing.

The sparkling is actually a shade of red and yellow similar to percy and rodimus. They take after drift & ratchet in their giggling ways & stubborn nature.

Drift & ratchet have no left rodimus’s side this entire time & percy is now added to the list.

Rodimus is forever grateful megs made him stay to look at the sparkling his spark connected to.

Just as Percy’s spark connected them, Rodimus spark now connects them.

His little Sunlit.

A name himself, Ratchet & drift agreed upon.

Idk i got carried away 🤷🏽‍♀️

[velvetvexations]

"Trans women are women" used to be seen as this radical stance, a stance against the exceedingly popular standrd cis belief of "trans women are men" Now we're expected to believe that whole push was a lie? That "trans women are spicy women" is a belief that transmisogynists have? Transmisogynists?? The ones adamant about misgendering trans women as men? That's been their whole thing in fact...? They believe trans women are women and hate THAT?

They're just lying because it's fun to be mean to women. Such is the true beliefs of TRFs.

I wish I could submit a Patrick's wallet meme to you on anon because I swear every trf argument I see about how trans people are TOTALLY seen as our actual genders by cishet society really does feel like: "Terfs keeps creaming about how much they despise men and manly features, going so far as calling features usually belonging to people AMAB disgusting in great detail be they on women or men, correct?" "Yep." "And they talk in depth about how testosterone is poison and will turn you into a monster, correct?" "Uh-huh." "They speak regularly of how even male infants are evil, and cisgender lesbian separatism is the only way for women to be safe, you've noticed?" "They sure do." "And it's not just terfs either - plenty of transphobic talking heads otherwise all over the political spectrum conceptualize trans people as people 'pretending' to be the 'opposite' gender, as I'm sure you've seen?" "Yeah, I'm real sick of it." "So you understand, then, that much of the idea that trans women are an immediate physical threat to 'real' women and to straight men - the driver of arguably the majority of transmisogynistic violence - is based in misgendering?" "STOP CALLING TRANS WOMEN MEN AND STOP TRYING TO PRETEND MEN ARE OPPRESSED!!!1!!1!1 THEY'RE LYING ABOUT THEIR BELIEFS OR ELSE THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TREATED ME LIKE A FAGGOT BEFORE I CAME OUT, WHICH IS A FATE THAT HAS NEVER BEFALLEN A SINGLE MAN EVER!!!11!11!" ...come to think of it, do you think that last line is part of why so damned many of them are so determined to "crack the egg" of every GNC man or nonbinary person AMAB that they see? To prove that this kind of hatred is ONLY aimed at trans women and that proves their ~essential soul gender~ is real? Because honestly, fucking weak and pathetic.

kinna but that's mostly because they are just genuinely toxic whenever they see a man who could be a woman instead e.g. every crossdressing subculture

it's incredible that 'transphobes don't see trans women as women and they don't see trans men as men' is a controversial take now. what in the fuck is going on

unhealthy validation addiction

fellas, is it transphobic to acknowledge that transphobes are transphobic?

literally

The thing that bothers me the most about trfs is just how online they are, and I don't mean that to say they're harmless - I mean the opposite. I grew up in a VERY isolated neighborhood. I knew all of 2 other queer people in town. There certainly weren't hangouts for us. The nearest largeish city was a 3-hour, $100 round trip away - and that was also the closest other city-town-thing, at all. Going outside to meet queer community was NOT an option for me. What did I have? Why, I had the internet! As an adult I ended up moving to a relatively-nearby city. I also ended up being pretty badly disabled. Now I have access to outside queer gathering places...sort of. When I have the energy to go. Which isn't that often, and sometimes my choices of where to go are further limited because a lot of these things are in historical buildings with ADA exemptions so I can't actually get in the door in my wheelchair; I have to save those ones for the best of days. But the internet is still there for me! And no, offline queer spaces aren't utopian, you can still meet some REAL pieces of work there, the internet didn't INVENT exclusionist discourse - my (later admitted heterosexual!) mother had a whole stint as a political lesbian before the internet existed, so I know that from far too intimate experience - but the behavior there does usually seem to be tempered by 1) seeing as obviously as possible that the person you're talking to is a human being, not a disembodied source of words from the ether or a chatbot or whatever, and 2) being way more likely to get caught and thrown out and have the proprietor side against you if you start a fight. So who does this vile bigoted shit disguised as liberatory feminism affect the most? People who don't HAVE anywhere else to go, regularly or at all. Thanks, I fucking hate it.

Yeah. I'm completely alone out here and it sucks. People who don't have community need it the most.

tw for discussion of misogynistic hate crimes and things of that nature that happens in countries outside the global west it is SO glaringly obvious that the people in this stupid trans discourse are largely privileged and from western countries because they don’t think at ALL about people from other countries the trans woman in the middle east who can leave the country due to being AMAB is, in fact, more privileged than the trans man who can’t leave at all because he was AFAB and needs a man’s permission the trans women who aren’t being sold off as child brides ARE more privileged than the trans men who are forced to marry at age 12 and have children right off the bat like it is not that fucking cut and dry. there are more methods of oppression than transmisogyny and western problems. having privilege is far more complicated than that. and to be honest, i don’t think being ‘tme’ is much of a privilege when you’re the person AFAB who’s been murdered in an honour killing

Yeah, there's always complexity but people are obsessed with a black and white view where there's universally one good group and one bad group. It's why tankies exist. Cannot fathom that the West is bad and also maybe North Korea at the same time.

That - lady's entire blog is just her shitting on the "wrong" type of transgender person. Once again, people in our community are spending all their time infighting an attacking each other as opposed to actually fighting oppression. It's sad.

as ever

The fact that it’s now a cancellable offense to acknowledge that transphobes don’t see us as our actual gender(s) is so ridiculous I don’t even know what to say. I'm so sorry you consistently have people taking you in bad faith. This is one of the worst cases of wilful ignorance I’ve seen in a while. Seriously, I’m just dumbfounded. How the fuck did it get this bad?

this was sent right after I answered the anon mentioning a 'schism' so I'm assuming that's what it's in reference to specifically and dadgum it's more frustrating when it's people who should know better and have taken swings like this at me out of nowhere before

at least I know TRFs are going to TRF but it's exhausting having to deal with "so you're misgendering trans women??? the transandrophobia tag has officially become what it was always said to be!" from people in the same orbit, like disagree with me but can people please disagree with what I actually said before getting people apparently disavowing everyone involved in that thread?

and people have it rough sometimes and go through rough things and I feel for them going through rough things but that's not related to me so I'd appreciate not being swept into whatever other break is happening with other people who, again, aren't me

ppl be saying “to tmes it’s all genderfuck man in dress, until she asks you to respect her pronouns” like! i hate to break it to you but man in a dress isnt automatically a trans woman!!! that’s on you (general) for thinking that!!

they really fucking hate crossdressing men lmao and in fairness queer cis men have a lot of issues with misogyny but their identities are not mockeries of transfemininity and I need people to stop acting like it

ugh i hate that there are constantly posts in the transandrophobia tag that are like "well even though trans women are obviously more opressed and are totally right for hating us for our gender, could we maybe please have a word?? please we PROMISE we know we're evil for our male/afab privilege but just let us discuss our lesser issues a little bit" like omfg they're never gonna pick you

All of those people have me blocked lol.

[ruruvxz]

#05 — Just stop. (Semi-written)

The Woman Who Left Too Soon: Lara Raj, the lead singer and coveted music producer for Katseye, has never felt the need for useless romance. Don't get her wrong — she loves a good chummy romance, but it was never really for her. That could partly be blamed on her past lover, who abruptly left her just to become some indie artist, but then again, the tides change, and so do the people. And what the — she's famous now, she's unstoppable, she can pull anyone, so why the hell is the woman who left her in the dust, pretending to be all buddy-buddy with her.

#masterlist, ‹previous, next>

Lara had always been someone in tune with her own emotions, even when she had conflicting ideals, she managed to keep her composure regardless. This small detail about herself is something many adored about her, the ability to be so mentally sound also regarded her as a reasonable person.

So why now, of all days, was she acting so differently?

The poor desi-girl who usually disregarded phony tabloid tweets, suddenly had such a strong visceral reaction as she scanned the post Daniela had sent. Disgust wasn't even a good enough word to describe how she felt, she found this whole ordeal incredibly amusing, yet despicable how anyone could jump to such a conclusion.

To put it lightly she was not happy, not at the situation, nor the fact Daniela found this, oh so, humorous. And Lara made it very clear whenever she had set boundaries, that they should never be crossed.

Lara found her blood boiling by the second, why can't Daniela just drop this whole ordeal? Why did she have to push her so much, of course, the same argument could be made on Daniela's side, as she found Lara's reactions, just so... unprovoked. I mean, in Daniela's eyes, it's not like Lara ever cared about you, or your music before hand, so why was she so defensive?

The red-head desperately wanted to brush this whole situation under the rug, making it seem like all some coy joke. But no matter how much she joked, her facade was slowly slipping, and as observant as Lara was, her members where also as observant as her.

It also didn't make the situation any better by the fact that Megan, the girl Lara appointed to be the only one to bare the secret, that both you and Lara had extensive history together, was out here airing her out. Megan had only been so lucky though, if she happened to be in the same room as Lara, her phone would've been projectile thrown out the window.

"Fuck Megan, can you shut up." Lara whispered under her breath as her phone blew up with messages. Her irritation growing to a new high as Daniela, truly, had no intention of stopping. Daniela was never the type to stop half-way-through, and Lara knew that better than anyone, and also the fact that Daniela knew how to get under anyone's skin for her own benefit. But that didn't scare away Lara one bit, she wasn't going to out herself because of this, and you know what they say, two big personalities cause too big of a problem.

(And yes, Lara and Megan both knew that this matter had no concern, it's not like the others cared much about each other's love lives that much. But Lara had a fiery attitude when it came to love, since she had so much passion when it comes to her relationships, that the stories she told the girls about you, where mostly exaggerated. So to say that the girl's didn't like you, well didn't like the idea of you, was an understatement, they despised your guts because of all the stories Lara told them. Thank god she never mentioned you by name though.)

Seeing Daniela's response after being scolded by Sophia altered something in Lara's brain, she was about to go off once more, but she decided not to. Going offline for a few hours left her contemplating about what she had said. "Did I go to far?" Lara mumbled under her breath as she stared at the screen of her monitor, mindlessly creating housebeats to take her mind off of things.

Lara felt terrible for everything she said, in some way, she definitely blew this out of proportion, but a girl can only get so defensive. Daniela wasn't completely at fault of course, but she had a reason to be curious, so Lara gave her that.

After a few more moments, her overthinking began to overcome her, she could barely focus on what she was doing, her fingers rested on the knobs of her DJ mixer rotating and fiddling with before her thoughts became too much to bare. She closed her computer and flopped onto her bed, her red hair resting on the pillow as she stared at the blank screen of her phone. Finally after what felt like hours she opened her messages and scrolled all the way to Daniela's contact.

Staring at the past messages, she swallowed hard and began texting.

taglist: @lara4eclipze, @yunjinncentral, @meretmanondefender, @1luvkarina, @kristalag, @artrizzler19, @xochitlisbest, @yuenamoon, @meizinisnumberone, @meganskiendielsbtc, @c-yerim, @vrtualstar, @yeetaberry127 (TAGLIST OPEN)

[auroreliis]

Introduction!!!

Hiii :D I'm Aurora, but most people call me Rorii!! I use she/her pronouns!!!

First of all, I recommend staying away from my page if you're under 16. Perhaps not all of my posts include 18+ topics, but some do and I really, REALLY don't want anyone under 16 interracting with my content (I'm also quitte iffy about people under 18 viewing my content, but I suppose I can't really stop you if you think that you can handle it...).

I need to clarify that English is not my mother tongue, so please forgive any errors :')

I mainly use this blog to share my thoughts and ideas!!! BUT I am veryyyy insistent on making sure that my posts are correct (okayyyy I may not always succeed, but still), so I might take a bit longer to post simply because I'm making sure that everything makes sense ;D

Other times, I will be offline for weeks at a time, because I have no inspiration :'(

That being said, I try my best, but my schedule is all over the place...sorry <3

Some more info about me!! My favourite band ever are Arctic Monkeys <3 Also, I am a bit of a yapper, so hopefully I will be forgiven if I ever go on and on about something <3 Also also, purple and red are my favourite colours!!!

I easily hyperfixate on things (and I bet you can't guess what it is now...)

I often play video games when I am free and my favourite ones EVER are Little Nightmares and Hitman!! Though Fields of Mistria and Stardew Valley might as well be on the list too.

When I am not playing video games, then I am watching hour-long video essays <3

I often read books before going to bed, mostly classics, but not exclusively <3

Oh also! Sleeping is my favourite way to pass time :)

My Ask-Box is always open!!! (And I swear, I try my best to answer everything :')...)

If you did send an ask and haven't recieved a reply yet, it's likely because I have not enough inspiration to make a good post about your ask. However, as soon as inspiration strikes me, I will write and write and write!!!

Frequently asked Questions!!!!

Q: What fandoms do you write for? A: Any fandom that I am currently interested in, so feel free to request and recommend me various media that you would like to see from me...however, DC has had a lot of power over me lately...

Q: Is there any topic you won't write about? A: A few come to mind, like extreme kinks and fetishes (age play, scat/pee/vomit play, non-con, etc.). However, if it is anything super niche or specific, feel free to ask me!

Q: Do you have any side blogs or other socials? A: For now, I have no side blogs, however, I have a secret AO3 account!! Let me know if you think you've found it ;D

Masterlist!!!

Yes, I finally have a masterlist. I've tried to compile EVERYTHING on here and will try to update regularly:

Masterlist

That would be all for now :)

Thanks for reading this <3

[shinesurge]

I think it's a side effect of having a slightly bigger audience than before, but this year I've been getting a LOT of questions about offering digital editions of the KC books so I wanted to talk about it out loud for a bit.

There are a bunch of complicated reasons I've never offered the volumes as digital downloads, and I think they mostly boil down to concerns about the pretty embarrassing lack of significant internet presence Kidd Commander has accumulated over the 11 years it's been running. The audience I DO have is very enthusiastic, and let me be clear that I appreciate how unique and cool that is, especially in the era we're in where I really have no business running things the way I do lmao

The problem is, in refusing to do any of the predatory social media bullshit that tricks people into doing advertising for my comic while pretending it's a fandom, and by taking initiative to build fandom spaces for people to hang out in myself, I've created an extremely insular community where folks don't really feel any need to help it grow. "If you build it they'll come" is true, but the other half of that is people going "hey neat this thing builds itself!" and you end up with dozens of fandom posts, hours of discussion, and even fanwork locked away in inaccessible spaces while the pages on the site consistently get no comments or interaction and the public tags are empty.

WHAT does this have to do with digital editions lol

The idea was, a thing that helps set KC apart is the webcomic thing where you're not only checking a site regularly as a routine, but you're building some impression of the author as well. My little news posts are bundled with the pages, the site gives a sense of Environment in way static editions don't. In return for offering nearly a thousand pages of completely free content the reader has to Encounter Me at some point, and be made aware that this is an operation being run by a single person, and that its survival is entirely dependent on other people reading it and supporting it. Going to the site ALSO at least lets people know a comment section /exists/, and there COULD be a community to participate in. You don't get that with the books as much, but the books are almost exclusively going to folks who already read the comic, I don't think they're floating around out there to many people who didn't buy them directly from me after reading it online.

It is objectively easier for people to binge an archive they can carry around offline with them, I completely get it. But I've watched SO many new readers fall in love with this thing in real time as they leave comments behind them through the archive, and even just forming the habit of checking the site regularly really goes a long way towards forming enough of a connection with a reader for them to stick around for the long haul. If you just read it all isolated on your phone, it stops there; it's easy to forget it's an independent operation that desperately needs your support, /I/ have no idea whether you liked it or if people are even reading, and when you're finished you'll move on to something else because there's no visible fandom to engage with.

I don't WANT to think this is what will happen, but it's already been happening here for years even without proper channels. I sort of feel like this would just be facilitating my own demise lmao. All the comics who run the way I do were ALREADY popular back before the landscape shifted to fast-fashion sensibilities, so Girl Genius offering digital editions doesn't really harm them, you know? By the time forums died their community was already so stable and self-sufficient they could quit updating the main story for a whole year and not even feel it. Gunnerkrigg is signed on with fuckin Dark Horse now. People doing the things KC does got in early and stabilized before I even got started, fandom is a different world now and I'm already barely keeping this train running on my own as it is.

But on the other hand: accessibility!! HOW many times have I wanted to engage with something but they WONT LET ME PAY THEM FOR THE THING I WANT so I just leave!! The alternative here isn't "oh if i FORCE THEM to read it online they'll stick around" it's "if i can't read it how i want then i'm skipping it". That makes total sense, /I/ do that! What about people who want the extra content in the books but can't pay international fucking shipping!! It's also an Archival issue, which absolutely kills me, but that's a whole other post lmao. There are extremely good reasons to offer another option for reading my work, but I am so anxious this would just be putting a nail in this stupid coffin I've been building already.

I've been having this conversation a lot, mostly with Lee, but it came up again this morning in an email and regardless of my own feelings: this is a thing people want, a very reasonable thing, and if I fail to provide it that's just bad business. Do y'all here have any thoughts about all this? I would like to give the people what they want and y'all are The People.

Anyway buried way down here so far I'll make another post about it: I /am/ going to offer the specials as digital downloads, permanently in the shop. They're old books by now, I'm having issues keeping them in stock anyway, and they DON'T exist online anywhere, so this isn't technically any skin off my back outside of piracy issues, which. would be a stupid thing to fret about lmao

thanks for reading all this! I'm gonna go sort through pdfs for a while

[demonic0angel]

Happy Halloween! The Mad Scientist one-shot is out! Read it here on AO3 or here

CW: kinda descriptive depictions of guts and intestines, autopsies, unreliable narrator, outside POV

Bruce had noticed that Jason had been acting suspiciously for the past few months. Although it could've been attributed to an improved mood, it was just very suspicious how abrupt the changes were. Every once in a while, he would come to the Manor with almost a skip in his step and a twinkle in his eye. Maybe it was something else, but every time, a part of his personality changed and resembled something closer to... how he used to be.

Bruce was extremely worried but he didn't dare voice it. The last few times he did, he had earned all of his children's ire as well as Alfred's, who had scolded him for several hours before letting him go, citing that he was a paranoid boor that couldn't appreciate it when his children came home.

Which wasn't true!

But Bruce was undeniably paranoid and he was extremely worried that something had occurred with Jason, because the changes were just too weird.

He once couldn't stand even standing in the same room as Damian or Timothy, and now he was acting as a mediator between their fights, replacing Dick, and he was even gleefully bringing them around on his bike to have fun.

Before, he would have never read books in the library like he had used to, but now he would sit within the study with a book and lounge on the couch, even occasionally entertaining company or reading aloud to Cass.

He also wouldn't have helped around in the kitchen or linger in the Manor like when he used to live there with Bruce, but now he visited frequently and often enough that there was a consistent plate and seating arrangement for him when dinner arrived.

Bruce couldn't help but feel like it was strange.

Jason's temper had smoothed unnaturally and his mercurial moods had calmed without any fuss. The green within his eyes had mostly faded, only showing his usual stormy blue eyes.

It was... anticlimactic? In a way?

Bruce didn't know what he expected, but anytime he voiced his suspicions out loud, his family would stare at him like he grew several different heads and said heads all looked like the Justice League.

Like now, for example.

Dick stared at him with a judgmental look as Bruce futilely tried to explain his thoughts.

"Bruce." Dick said in a final tone, after Bruce tried to persuade him to hear him out. "Usually, you have reasons to worry. But we've already talked about this. Jason is happy. We already checked the first few times when you were worried and we confirmed his identity. It's him. He's doing better. So drop it, B."

Then he left with a bit of a huff.

Disgruntled, Bruce sat himself down in front of the Batcomputer and began to write his report of last night's patrol.

He was making progress when suddenly, there was a crackle on the comms and a small screen popped up. Barbara appeared, looking tired and exasperated.

"You wanted to know when Jason goes offline, right?"

".... Yes." For a moment, he desperately wanted to be less anxious for once and to be able to enjoy the pleasant change of his second oldest son. But he couldn't. As a hero, as a protector of his family and city, he needed to be ready for any and all threats.

Even if... the enemy was one of his too.

Barbara hummed. "His comms just went offline just a moment ago. He was stabbed though. That's why I decided to contact you. He was stabbed several times by an assailant before he incapacitated them, but now his comms are off and I can't reach him." She sent him the location.

Bruce immediately stood up and raced off into his Batmobile without a moment's hesitation. He trusted Barbara to inform the others if this was a trap.

When he reached the last location where Jason's location had pinged, Jason was still there. He was sitting up on the ground, his helmet still on and still bleeding. He was half hidden in shadow, and Bruce was almost about to reach him when he could hear the clicking of heels.

Immediately, he slid back into the shadows himself, cursing the fact that he couldn't retrieve Jason and bring him to safety.

A tall woman walked towards Jason, a clean white lab coat around her while she wore all black underneath. Her hair, though almost unseeable in the darkness, glinted red and was pulled up into a messy bun secured with a bandana. She stopped in front of Jason and before Bruce could stop her, she crouched down and swept him up in a bridal carry. Even with heels on, she didn't stumble when holding Jason, and she swiftly turned around and began walking away.

Bruce didn't dare attack, worried that Jason would get hurt further and decided that he would follow and see what happened.

The woman walked for a long while, before finally ending up at a warehouse. This specific warehouse belonged to Vlad Masters, one of the new investors in town, but she familiarly held a key to the door and opened it with one hand, adjusting Jason so he was held to her chest like a baby.

Bruce burned with the urge to snatch him away but he could only grit his teeth and bear it.

The woman walked inside and Bruce followed quickly, where he was lead to a secret door that was the entrance to an underground area. Bruce stealthily followed and was eventually met with the woman placing Jason down on an autopsy table in a dark area with only a single bright light, like a surgery room. Next to the cot was a table with a variety of different tools and bottles of various substances, some that he couldn't even identify.

In that moment, her appearance became clearer. She was a beautiful woman with bright red hair and blue green eyes, all set on a face that would've rivaled a demi-goddess'. Her expression held something like a manic glee within and she looked ever so slightly crazed, like she was moments away from falling to the floor and laughing or crying herself to death. Something about her just read off insanity, not dissimilar to the Joker or Jason when he was in one of his episodes.

Bruce had to focus back on her actions as his eyes widened.

Jason's head lolled and the woman somehow knew the way to take off the helmet, because it came off easily and without any explosions. She took off his mask too, by digging into his pockets for the glue dissolver. Next came Jason's gear and bodysuit, and then she was stripping him of almost all of his clothes. She left his underwear on, but Bruce's skin was already prickling at the vulnerability of his son and he itched desperately to grab him and get out of there. However, something seemed to be holding him back.

Bruce watched in vague horror and confusion as the woman turned to wash her hands thoroughly, and then turned back around to take a piece of alcohol wipe and rubbed it all over Jason's chest.

She hummed to herself softly, a pleased smile coming over her face as a frenzied delight came to her eyes. "So perfect," she muttered, sweeping her eyes over Jason's body appreciatively.

Bruce's heart dropped into his stomach as bile rushed up his throat.

The woman took a needle and inserted it into Jason's neck, injecting him with an unknown liquid. Jason's body relaxed and his expression slackened. Thankfully, he was still breathing in a steady manner, or Bruce probably would've broken his only rule at this very moment.

When the woman picked up a scalpel, she smoothly made a y-incision into his chest. Bruce barely held back a whimper.

Holding open the flaps of his skin with some tools, the woman peered inside of his chest cavity, still with a smile on her face. She began collecting blood samples before leisurely pressing down on and gingerly touching Jason's guts.

Bruce watched, completely and utterly frozen, only able to stare in disbelief and horror. This woman was absolutely playing around with Jason's body, cutting him open and messing around with his insides like they were toys. He didn't know how to feel anything but disgust, shock, and extreme alarm.

She hummed as she scraped off a piece of lung and then fixed it onto a slide, finding the microscope near her and turning it on to look into its eyepiece. She fiddled with the focus and then she observed the cells. She picked up a bottle filled with a green liquid next, and poured it into Jason's chest. The green, glowing liquid sluggishly oozed on his organs before they began to absorb at a rate visible to the eye.

A wider smile broke onto the woman's face. With the back of her hand, she petted Jason's hair and cooed, "Very good." She took a finger and poked through his rib cage to stroke his beating heart.

Bruce almost couldn't believe his eyes.

The woman continued on with her invasive procedure, poking and prodding at Jason's organs, scraping off bits of DNA to look under her microscope and occasionally sticking needles into Jason or pouring mysterious liquids inside of his chest cavity. It almost looked careless, but she wrote down observations the entire time and did it all so meticulously and familiarly that it made Bruce believe that this wasn't the first time this woman had experimented on his son's body and that this was a case study.

Jason, thankfully, didn't wake.

Somehow, with no medical equipment attached to him, he laid on the table with complete and utter stillness, as if whatever she was doing to him didn't register. It was as if he was asleep, as his breaths rose and fell calmly.

The woman was finally finished with her bizarre and disturbing experiment, and she stitched up the large cut before she turned him to his side, where various stab wounds laid, red and inflamed.

She clicked her tongue and muttered to herself, "I was careless this time," before taking more alcohol wipes and another vial of green liquid to wipe at the wound. Then she took her suturing tools to stitch him up again meticulously, each stitch straight and neat.

Jason shuddered this time, finally registering it but he still didn't wake. The woman adjusted him again and then moved herself to his head, adjusting the light as she did so. She checked all of his orifices and then took a saw.

Bruce's eyes widened and for the first time, he found himself able to move, almost calling out, "Stop!!" before something grabbed him and pulled him back.

The woman paused with the saw in her hands but didn't turn around. She just stood there in silence before she chuckled as Bruce struggled fiercely in vain from the things that captured him.

She continued on with the procedure, cutting open Jason's skull and then pulling out his brain. She carefully handed the gray organ with gentle hands, stroking its ridges with her thumbs affectionately like she was petting some sort of cat.

Jason was still breathing, even while missing the entire top half of his head.

Bruce gave a muffled scream. The thing that was holding him down grew tighter, clenching its grip.

He had to get to Jason! He couldn't lose him again!

He wanted to scream for him, but even his voice was failing.

The woman chuckled again, still not looking in his direction, but she seemed to be addressing him as she said, "Don't worry. There's only a few more procedures until he's in his best condition."

Bruce's vision was suddenly filled with darkness, with the last thing he saw being the woman nuzzling Jason's brain, before he knew no more.

————

When Bruce woke up, he was back in his bedroom at the manor, with Jason there with him, idly looking through his bookshelves. In disbelief, Bruce called out, "Jason?"

"Whoa, you're up?" Jason turned around. "You passed out in your car. What happened?"

Bruce stared at him with wide eyes. There was no scar on his forehead, nothing that indicated that what he saw was real.

"What do you mean what happened?" Bruce demanded, growing agitated. "You were injured and I went to find you and then a woman took you and—"

"Chill," Jason said with a small smile. "I wasn't injured. It was a false alarm and I got help from one of the guys I work with because I was knocked out. I'm fine, everyone's more worried about you."

Bruce stared at him in horror. Then he said slowly, "No, that's not what happened."

"Bruce, I don't know what to tell you. Nothing happened. You passed out. Wait, let me call everyone." Before Bruce could protest, Jason threw open the door and screamed, "He's awake and clearly delusional! Damian, quick, smother him!"

Fast as a bullet, Damian came running in and threw himself onto Bruce's lap, either intentionally or unintentionally doing as Jason asked and smothering him under his growing weight. "Father! Why were you working so hard that you fell unconscious?! Do you not listen to your own words?! Know your limits!"

"B?! You're awake!" Dick said and the rest of the family came running in.

Bruce was forced to console all of them as they fretted over his condition and demanded to know if he was okay. Bruce felt relatively fine, but there was only one thing on his mind as he turned and met Jason's steady gaze, which held unidentifiable emotions within. Jason smiled and Bruce couldn't help but tense, wary and very confused.

Who was that woman? What did she do with Jason? What happened?

And... was this even his son anymore?

||||||||||||||||||

A Halloween fic that isn't in Jason's POV 😱 (I'm obsessed with him being in love with Jazz)

Jazz and Jason are dating and Jazz is a freak who likes experimenting on her perfect specimen of a boyfriend and Jason is a freak who likes her being obsessed with his DNA. In Bruce's eyes, Jason is the victim, but TRUST, Jason is a willing participant and he likes being Jazz's play toy.

I kinda wanna expand on this idea, but expanding on this current one-shot further will ruin the creepy Halloween vibes, so I'll probably expand on it in the future 🫡

Thank you so much to @meditating-cat who betaed this entire series!

[h-eefic]

Would you possibly give us the cliffnotes for what the plan was for the rest of this fic? I've been following early on (like 2015??), it really truly has an important space in my heart. I even have it saved offline in case there was ever a time where it would be removed!! Even if it will never be finished, I still like to re-read it, maladaptive daydream about it, etc. I'd love to know where it would have gone in the end!! Or if you would release any drafts or whatever have you!!

I will write down what I remember! I think I've lost any outlines we had but:

Yes, Alistair was the shitty neighbor the entire time. It was so silly, we were obsessed with it.

After Liv leaves his hospital room, she spends days locked in her house, triggered bc of her parents and just generally shut down.

When she opens her door and sees Alistair standing there, she basically blue screens because he's a) real b) extremely good-looking and c) he's her what? I don't remember much about what comes next but I know they spend a few hours hashing things out, talking, putting together all the context of their friendship (discussing everyone they have in common, lmao).

Liv goes back to running away from her problems, tells him she's had all of her fears about being with him confirmed for her.

Ultimately, he talks her into giving him a chance to at least take her on a date. She walks him to her front door and he asks if he can kiss her. They do, and he's very convincing. :)

They spend a few days(?) flirting through windows at each other. For their date, he sets up a scavenger hunt for her to find the location for the date? And it was going to be so cute, he has her go to Andrastea to find a clue to the next location, which is Druffy's, and so on and so forth, he leaves clues at the places he's recommended to her. The final date I think was going to be at the beach. Liv ultimately realizes that she'd rather be with him and risk losing him than be alone and dreaming of police lights forever. It gets steamy. :)

After that, I mostly remember the two of them doing a tour around to all their friends and giving the update that they're a thing. Happy endings abound!

There was going to be an epilogue where they go on a road trip with Cullen and Lua, and we planned to commission different artists to make polaroids of them having a good time. Thedas Space Program 4 lyfe.

We really were at the finish line, and I'm so sad we didn't get to tell the rest of it. I have some small things like playlists, previously unposted sketches, and snippets that I'll leave in this Google Doc if you still want more. Emrys may have files I don't, so I welcome her to share them if she wants to.

I also welcome anyone who wants to play in the space to go buck wild, and if you do I would love to see them if you message me @bucket-fucker. I'm replaying Liv's canon as we speak, and I hope to write her again, I still had much more to say!

Thank you all for showing interest in my lil OC. And thank you for still caring. It's been a blast, and I appreciate you all.

-A.

[morweneledhwen]

Decided to go on a spontaneous short trip to Rostock, one of the old Hanseatic cities.

It's a race against time, because the sun will set at 4pm (four more weeks of this nonsense and we will finally have the longest night behind us, thank God), so let's get going!

Okay, so from the distance this looked like a church tower, but it's not. I guess old city gate tower? Anyway, I feel robbed!

Ohhh, these guys have a proper medieval city wall! I'm delighted. But also not surprised, this city used to be rich as fuck and needed thick walls to stay that way.

Berlin, take notice! (Just kidding, Berlin has The Wall instead. 😌)

Man, these houses go hard, and there are so many of them. Imagine living in this! Just incredible.

It's hard to describe how massive this church is. The pictures really don't do it any justice. Favorite church in this city yet, 10/10, would visit again.

I have no idea where I am right now, but everything is so pretty. Let's go to the waterfront.

Getting nearer...

... and found it! But it's to dark now to take proper pictures. Need to come back whenever I find the time and money again. What a beautiful city!

PS: Found a café! One more hour until my friend slash work wife arrives. I'll probably be mostly offline for the next two days. With her, I have my priorities. 😌🧡

[Edit]

If it wasn't dark and raining, I would have also taken pictures of these. These are what I came here to see in the first place.

[canmom]

Any thoughts on gacha games ? Any rec on gacha games, especially if its not live action ? Thanks !

hmmmm

i used to be into NieR Reincarnation but they shut that one down lol

in general gacha is home of all the most obscene dark pattern monetisation models in gaming, so it tends to be designed for maximum timesink potential. even though there are many many great stories and gorgeous art styles in gacha, I tend to avoid playing them.

if anything the timesink aspect is a bigger problem for me than the money sink - it's easy enough to stay f2p when the prices are all calibrated to whales with a lot of money to burn, but there's an endless parade of daily tasks and small progress bars to fill so hours can fly by without anything really happening. which would be fine if the moment-to-moment gameplay was engaging, but so much of the time it's just inventory management and waiting for shit with no real challenge, and that ain't it. (instead I can spend my time on fulfilling activities like writing long tumblr posts... shit)

there are understandable reasons for some of this...

phone input is in general imprecise and largely limited to swiping and tapping on things. since pulling gacha is the thing that makes the game money, you can see how the easy, obvious way to incentivise it is to make progress broadly a function of your character's stats. that, and the long grinds in most of these games, means that 'skill' in a gacha game is mostly a matter of efficiency.

it's also an infamous problem that gacha development is on razor-thin margins and pretty much all or nothing: either it becomes a cultural juggernaut or it fails to make enough to sustain development. the vast majority of gacha games shut down, and while other unsuccessful games can at least stick around, the only way you can hope for an offline/custom-server version of gacha to survive is if dedicated, technically minded fans go to the effort of reverse engineering it. it is a painfully ephemeral art form even by videogame standards.

basically the problem is that nobody is willing to spend money on mobile games (I don't mean this as some kind of ridiculous guilt trip, that's just how it is), so the only routes to viability are ads and microtransactions, which come with all sorts of perverse design incentives. as a dev on a neighbouring platform, I look at mobile games with a degree of horror - I want to make a game that rewards the time players spend with it, not homeopathically dilute the good parts with brutal casino sandtrap shit because that's the only way the company can make enough money to pay my salary. (frankly if I had to do the level of exploitative shit that is completely standard in gacha I'd have to find another line of work, I couldn't live with it).

that said...

there is something interesting in how gacha design aesthetics push the sort of otaku 'database' concept to its absolute limit. every character needs to be dripping with appeal, and they need to hit as many different types of moe as possible across the cast. much like a fighting game, it means you have less of a hierarchy - everyone has a sort of 'main character' look. and much like, say, a Kamen Rider show, you need to be constantly introducing new props and outfits, which means it's just a huge field to experiment with character design. one of the big things that kept me coming back to NieRRein was the gorgeous character artwork - and with all the gacha out there, you've a good chance one hits your buttons.

gacha also seems to be, for whatever reason, a major platform for serial illustrated storytelling in the current age. a lot of gacha is essentially a serialised visual novel with gameplay speedbumps. like any long-running serial, that often means the plot will sooner or later take some intriguingly weird turns - and it gives you a lot of time to become attached to characters. I like narrative games, and gacha games tend to accumulate a lot of narrative - just severely diluted.

as far as recs...

besides the now-dead NieRRein and SINoALICE, which i played for the obvious Yoko Taro reasons, I also played a bit of Sdorica some years back, which I recall having an appealing art style and decent story - tho I quit fairly early because it was kind of eating my life.

I think you could also make an argument that Warframe is at least a fellow traveller to gacha games, and I have put so many hours into that that I don't want to think about it. god tier art direction, its story is ridiculous but now and then has some real moments of emotional impact, and its parkour system is really sick, but unfortunately it is an unrelenting grindfest and it takes literally thousands of hours to unlock most of its shit. Warframe is sorta the ultimate example of the adage that 'given the opportunity, players will optimise the fun out of a game', let's leave it at that.

other than that, everything else I only know about second hand: I watched the Arknights anime and it was fun, the techwear furries are endearing and the plot is quite strikingly odd. I have also enjoyed seeing some of the animation coming out of Zenless Zone Zero - they're trying something new and I respect it. (plus I think that one's like, an actual action game? though, not played.) I don't recall the name of the game, but someone sitting next to me at Scotland Loves Anime was playing a gacha rhythm game, and that seems like a genre fusion that could work well.

other than that, I would very likely have given Limbus Company a shot sooner or later, but I was severely put off the company after the MRA firing incident. I hear it's a good game though.

sorry I can't help more, but I know some friends who are into gacha so maybe they'll drop some recs in the comments!!

[gigglemeshthegayboi]

A List of Gripes, Misgivings, Nitpicks, and Other Criticisms of the Wilds Beta

With the beta winding down, we should all take the time to really reflect on how much we enjoyed it. Well, of course we enjoyed it. This is Monster Hunter we're talking. But the beta was, well, a beta test. Capcom dropped it to us specifically to test out Wilds, and generate feedback. This is exactly what I have today to, if they somehow see this; feedback. This is a list of gripes, nitpicks, and small misgivings about MH Wilds I have developed from my time with the beta. I would also like to hear the thought of the community at large and how they compare to my own. I played about 20 hours of it from Tuesday until Sunday, but didn't quite get to trying out all of the weapons. I do, however, have notes on most of them. While I adored the beta and am just as hype for Wilds as the next guy, the whole point of a beta is still to generate constructive community feedback. To that end, here's what I have to say:

System:

Right off the bat, sure I'm on PS5, but this game *really* needs better PC optimization. As funny as looking like a PS1 game for some people was, that simply should not be happening to so many people who have purchased a new GPU anytime in the past couple of years.

Can there please be an option to play offline even if your system is online? Thank you very much. 100 player lobbies are cool and all, but if I wanted to play a game with MMO elements like that I would play an actual MMO. It was my biggest gripe with World for most of its lifespan, and I can't help but think it's only gonna get worse with Wilds.

Environment:

I get if it was done the way it was for the sake of demonstration, but the weather shouldn't change nearly as fast as it did in the beta. It coming and going so often made it feel a lot less significant.

Gathering was for the most part cool, but had some really tedious aspects. I like the idea using the grappling hook for it, but I think that putting loot away takes way too long. Also why does zooming in automatically take the Seikret out of sprint? Can I please sprint while focusing aback the birb?

Speaking of items, the item box menu was awful. Why are all the useful functions in their own dinky little menu? Literally just give me Rise item box, or at least add a 1-button shortcut to the loadout and select stack menus.

I also think the equipment menu could be a little better. I think there should be some button that specifically goes to the loadouts menu and one that goes to the armor-by-set menu.

Fishing was way too slow. I know the whole point of fishing is patience, but I shouldn't have to wait two minutes just to catch a single Sushifish. The full game will probably have consumable baits to remedy this, but nonetheless fishing as it stood was truly agonizing.

I wish we knew about how cooking ingredients work. How do we replenish them in the full game? Do we just buy them from that little grocery stand in base camp? Do we earn them for doing optional requests? What's the deal there? Dumping a bunch of them onto us was probably the way to go for the beta, but I'm gonna be hungry for answers until the full release drops.

The pop-up camp system is really cool, I just think it needs some fine tuning. I think that monsters ought to be a little less inclined to attack "Dangerous" camps than they were in the beta, and a little more inclined to attack "Unsafe" camps.

Monsters:

Chatacabra's damage was undertuned. I know it's basically this game's drome, but I'm pretty sure Great Izuchi dealt more damage in the Rise demo than Chatacabra ever did. It only barely felt like a threat in that first quest, and that was mostly because we didn't get to eat beforehand.

Doshaguma's damage, however, was overtuned. Alpha Dosha managed to cart me more times on average than Rey Dau. If Doshaguma is sort of supposed to be the Anjanath to Rey Dau's Rathalos, that just should not be the case. Also, I think it was way too aggressive in its last phase. Felt worse than a 4th gen Furious Rajang in that regard.

Balahara was a weird mix of attacks that did way too much damage and did too little. Generally, the mud attacks were a little too strong, and the biting attacks were a too weak, but that might just be a matter of personal taste. Shouldn't the attacks by its mouth, which is a perma-wound when open, be really dangerous to present some sort of risk-reward?

The fight itself was extremely well tuned--overall the best in the beta--but I wish Rey Dau would actually use area 5 more often. I only ever saw it go up there a couple of times. Maybe make it go up there instead of 9 and 10 during the Plenty?

Weapons:

Focus mode is really cool, but trying to move independently from the camera and hold an attack at the same time is really awkward. Maybe add an option to bind Focus Mode to L3 on controllers?

Greatsword doesn't feel nearly as meaty as I wish it would. Also, what why does Hammer have something with a higher MV than TCS? It's a really cool attack, don't get me wrong, but I just find the idea of TCS being dethroned in that regard irksome. Other than that, both were great. I mained Hammer in World and Greatsword in GU, and they're both probably gonna be up there in Wilds.

Gunlance felt strong. Like it did a wee bit too much damage for once. Maybe slightly reduce the shell damage. That being said, please for the love of god don't touch shell scaling now that, after 5 whole generations, it is finally fixed. Maybe they could, however, remove the wee bit of intrinsic fire from them and change that out for whatever element the Gunlance itself has? Pretty please?

Nothing but praises to sing for Longsword, Lance, and Charge Blade. They knocked it out of the park with these. Maybe a little too much with Longsword in particular.

Also no real notes on the Sword & Shield, Dual Blades, Hunting Horn, or Insect Glaive. I'm not super familiar with these weapons to begin with.

I have no notes whatsoever on any of the ranged weapons. Didn't get around to playing them myself and have never really liked them to begin with. Bow looks cool though.

That leaves Switch Axe. Poor, poor, Switch Axe. The focus attacks are cool. The counter in Sword Mode and the Offset in Axe Mode are cool. Unbridled and Full Release Slash are cool. But why does sword gauge not recharge passively? Why do sword attacks consume so much gauge? Why revert the change from Rise and not let axe mode get phial bursts when amped? Why does Axe Mode feel more like a chore than anything else? Why does the amped state last for so little time? Also why does hitting circle after that one axe combo morph you into sword? Why is morph slash not always an option? Why does trying to input Wild Swing while moving forward do that fuckass running attack? They had a great thing going in Rise, and IMO kinda dumpstered Switch Axe in Wilds from what we've seen.

TL:DR; I hope Capcom does some fine tuning here and there, fixes up the tent menus, makes fishing bearable, and for the love of Gog fixes Switch Axe for Wilds's full release in February. This game is already looking like one of the best 2025 releases, and if they can just tune it a little bit, it might become my single favorite video game ever.

[bots-and-cons]

University, dropping courses and writing

University is keeping me very busy, but I’m gonna try to write and post something this week. It’s hard to stay on top of everything, but I’m trying. Writing stuff keeps me sane, and I wish I had more time for it, but I can’t really just abandon my uni work either, and it has to get done in time. I’m sleeping like 55% of my day, sometimes more but very rarely less. Idk if it’s my depression coming back, if it’s autistic burnout again or what the fuck, but I don’t like it. I have so much to do and no energy for anything. “This too shall pass but holy fuck”, as a wise person once said.

I’m drowning in school assignments. I’m going to have to drop two courses I was supposed to do this fall, because I just can’t manage the amount of work. I was originally going to do 37 credits worth of studies this fall, (one uni credit is about 27 hours of work in Finland) but I’m gonna have to drop it to 30 credits. I’m almost done with one of the bigger courses I have for this fall, but I still have two pages to write for the assignment too. It’s a ton of work, since I have to read and research so much for it. I already have 8 pages of it done, but the minimum requirement is 10 pages, so I’ve still got some work to do. I’m just hoping I don’t lose my benefits, since I’m required to do a certain amount of uni credits to keep getting my money.

I still need to talk with the guidance counselor, my tutor teacher and my psychiatric nurse about how I’m going to be lightening my workload at school, but I think it’s for the best. If I don’t drop some of my courses, I’m gonna end up on sick leave or something. I’m just gonna have to do those courses later. They’re independent courses, at least mostly, so it’s not really tied to any specific time. I really hope my teacher and the guidance counselor support me in my decision. I know the psych. nurse is gonna support me, since her job is not to get me to graduate as quickly as possible, unlike the university staff.

I feel like crap for not writing tbh. It’s not even really about the fact that I’m not posting anything, I just haven’t even had the time to write, which sucks ass. I’m gonna try to write once I finish the assignments that have deadlines next week. I think there’s three or four things that have the deadline next week, the earliest one is on Monday, but I want to get them done before that. I want to write and play Minecraft and do the things I enjoy, but I have a hard time enjoying them when the school deadlines are breathing down my neck.

Additionally, I think my tooth is chipped or something. It doesn’t hurt or anything, doesn’t even feel weird, but I can feel a sort of sharp edge on it. So that’s gonna be fun to take care of. I checked the university health services, and they’re apparently super busy and I don’t know if I’m even gonna get an appointment for this year. They luckily have a form you can use to get an appointment, so I might not have to call anyone. Their website says some of the forms have been taken offline though, because they are so busy atm. I’m incredibly bad at taking care of my teeth for multiple reasons, and think it’s finally gonna bite me in the ass.