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joneswuzhere · 4 years ago

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hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

- i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time. and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

#accompanying image has no meaningful organization it's just there to make me look insane. enjoy #riverdale speculation #filmref #but books #adhd has me like. this is Not the post i've been trying to write for weeks but my brain gave me no choice

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coochiequeens · 3 years ago

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Being for gender neutral bathrooms sounds progressive until it’s your daughter who might have her privacy invaded.

HIGHLAND Council has said it will revert to male and female toilets in an Inverness school, after backlash from parents and pupils over unisex toilet block.

The news came this evening, after earlier today parents of pupils at Culloden Academy said they were not consulted on the removal of all single-sex toilets in the school, and were shocked to learn female pupils as young as 11 will be sharing a toilet with boys as old as 18 at the school.

However, this afternoon Highland Council said it had simply made an "interim arrangement" for the start of term, prior to dialogue with pupils in the coming weeks to discuss the issue.

A Highland Council spokesman said: "The new S1/S2 and S3/S4 toilets have been completed in line with the programme dates advised to the stakeholder group in June and communicated in end-of-term letters to pupils and parents. "These improvements are necessary in order to provide additional, fit-for-purpose toilet facilities to address the pressures from the increased school roll.

"There are similar facilities in place at Alness Academy, Wick High School, Inverness Royal Academy and Charleston Academy.

"These are in line with what is happening across Scotland – open plan / unisex facilities are generally being used in new-builds and refurbishments."

He continued: "The new toilet cubicles and doors are full height and fully enclosed for improved security and privacy for pupils.

"The handwashing areas are open plan and can be easily supervised from the corridor. This approach provides greater flexibility in how the school makes use of the facility either now or in the future.

"It is widely considered that this model of toilet facility can contribute to positive pupil behaviour and reduce the potential for vandalism.

"An interim arrangement was put in place at the start of the new session until the S5/S6 toilets are completed, with the new toilet areas being unisex.

"Following feedback from pupils during the first week, this has been reviewed and the S1/S2 toilets are to be re-designated as boys’ toilets and the S3/S4 toilets as girls’ toilets with effect from Monday morning."

He added: "The plan is that these arrangements will continue after all the toilet improvements are complete, and the third new toilet area will be designated as unisex.

"However, there will be ongoing dialogue with pupils in the coming weeks.

"If pupils have any particular concerns about the toilet facilities, they are encouraged to speak to their Guidance Teacher regarding this."

Commenting earlier today, grandparent Judith Reid said: "My personal view is that this is just another step towards girls and women's safe spaces being eroded.

"This is simply not acceptable.

"Sharing toilet spaces with an open door – the latches have been taped over so anyone can see who is in there.

"So does my 12-year-old have to share with a 17-year-old boy?

"Girls are refusing to go to them, never mind going into the highly emotional and embarrassing times of periods. Some toilets don't even have bins.

"I’m beyond furious that the school has taken this stance."

Local councillors Ken Gowans and Duncan Macpherson said they were not consulted on the unisex toilet block for the school, and while they both knew there was an overspend on the toilet block – that was completed in time for pupil's return to school – they were never told they were to be unisex.

Cllr Gowans said: "There has been a fundamental failure in communication and consultation with pupils, parents and staff over the unisex toilets.

"It is completely unacceptable that no-one was consulted on the plan. The first I heard of it was when parents started to contact me, raising concerns.

"Let's be very clear here, this is not a decision taken by teachers or the head teacher – this is a decision taken at council level. No-one was consulted."

It is understood pupils who complained about the toilets were told to use the disabled units, which they are reluctant to do.

He added: "This is not a gender rights issue, I understand they were installed in Culloden and in other schools to reduce vandalism."

Cllr Macpherson said: "I understand the concerns and anxieties of parents. They were never consulted or communicated with over these unisex toilets.

"I have been told that unisex toilets were fitted in other schools to reduce bullying.

"Similar toilets have been installed in other schools such as Inverness Royal Academy, but the difference is parents were consulted and there is an alternative."

READ: POLL: Do you think unisex toilets, with no alternative, in schools are appropriate? Parents and pupils raise concerns over lack of alternative to unisex toilets at Culloden Academy in Inverness

#Scotland #scarifying girls privacy to prevent vandalism #Why can’t schools that want to bow to gender ideology just create a third unisex bathroom in the first place?#Parents sticking up for their daughters #What is a girl supposed to do with used feminine hygiene products if the stall doesn’t have bins?#Any council member who didn’t see any issues with this should be removed

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hopefulromantique · 4 years ago

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some thoughts on anthony bridgerton

I’ve been stewing in my feelings ever since I finished bingeing the show so I decided to get on my anthony bridgerton soapbox, because S2 has got so much in store for this boy.

...as head of the family

the way I see it, the divide between book!anthony and show!anthony is so large bc show!anthony has a bit more growing up to do to than book!anthony did especially with the changes in the timeline. this is the first time he’s had to present one of his sisters it makes sense he’d be overprotective (he’s mentioned to be this even in the books). he only really overstepped with berbrooke when violet brought up how edmund would have had daphne married already (and we all know how this boy has severe daddy issues) but he backed off and he grew from it! the prince had zero faults and was the best option yet he didn’t force daphne’s hand! this gives me hope that the writers do know that anthony just wants the best for his family, and are exaggerating his anxieties about being the head of the family for the drama (and of course to have daphne spout vaguely feminist statements)

as for his supposed failures in failing to fill in his father’s shoes, I can really only think of two scenes when this was brought up, first by violet then by simon. of which both times I don’t consider to be very reliable. simon said it because he was upset from his marital problems, and was lashing out. violet on the other hand was upset with daphne’s situation but she was also definitely upset by the fact that he was keeping siena as a mistress. no matter how sympathetic violet is portrayed, she is still a marriage-minded mama and she would see his being a rake as a neglect of his duties. but despite these things, he is shown to take his responsibilities seriously (see: daphne’s suitors, siena mentioning he constantly checks his watch and runs off to his sisters/mother, working late in his study)

...in love

and speaking of siena, I know a lot of people are upset or frustrated that she was made a major plot point, and I can’t say that I disagree just because I feel like they didn’t really develop her further than as anthony’s mistress (except for that one scene with genevieve which I loved). but really I don’t see her as a major obstacle to the events of TVWLM.

1) siena being his only onscreen partner when anthony’s supposed to be a rake so kate doesn’t want edwina anywhere near him? daphne’s first impression of simon is tainted even moreso because he’s friends with anthony. if his own sister thinks this way, I’m sure members of the ton would have even more to say about him. but I can also see the writers going down the path of anthony sleeping around after swearing off love even if he is looking for a wife, because let’s not forget that anthony was okay with the idea of having mistresses because he was never going to fall in love with his wife (sidenote: I wonder what the odds are of kate having her own sexual awakening by seeing anthony in flagrante delicto with someone ala the study scene in the book, I mean the drama of her being angry with him because he’s courting her sister warring with her newfound feelings? it writes itself)

2) kate was the first and only woman he ever loved so him being in love with siena is all wrong? well for starters, his relationship with siena isn’t developed enough to sell this love. he says that he loves her but he constantly left her to attend to his other responsibilities, he cut her off when violet told him about her disapproval of his actions, the only time he thought of running away with her was when he thought he was going to be exiled. he cares for her to be sure, and maybe in love with how she makes him feel, but his actions don’t really reflect of a man who has found The One. even in their final scene together when siena breaks it off (which I’m glad she did because I love anthony but really the poor girl), she knows that he wasn’t in it 100% and she tells him so. when he meets kate though, it will be different. it will be different because she knows how important family is VS siena’s who only had herself. it will be different because he will open up to her about his fears, and she will do the same, and they will heal together. in that way he will realize that it is different, and that it is real, and I cannot wait. (PS: personally I don’t think it would detract from kate and anthony’s love story that she’s not the first because she would most definitely be the last, but I know that might be an unpopular opinion)

TLDR: I love anthony bridgerton very much and I look forward to watching his growth because he still has a long way to go

#Bridgerton #anthony bridgerton #my thoughts #.I need S2 confirmation pls and thank u

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cakebeam · 4 years ago

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Hello Darling! First: welcome back 😃

Second: I agree with everthing you say about anti-miluca (I hate Maria), about S2-Michael (I still can‘t forgive him) and everything what went wrong in S2 with malex. We all know this all happened bc of Carina 🤬

Maybe this all had to happen, so CW could fire Carina and we don‘t have to watch more horrible seasons of RNM. I don‘t know how S3 with Chris will be but I hope so much better than with her as showrunner. I will be forever dissappointed that our malex from S1Ep1 is destroyed - but it would have been so much more worse if Carina stayed as Showrunner. She would have made everything against malex-fans, bc she doesn’t listen to the fans, the more we prostested the more she would go against Malex-fans and Alex-fans. So at least the only good thing (Carina got fired) about this bad S2 is we don’t have to discuss & fight with Carina about what she meant with that and this scene or her explanations about scenes & dialogues that make no sense. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is my only hope and I will watch S3 and see how they gonna solve malex and threat Alex. If anything is like S2, then goodbye RNM! 👋

Have a nice day! 🦋

Aw thank you!

I have no idea how a psychopath’s mind works and the same applies for Carina. Why that woman drove RNM and Malex into the ground and then “quit” is beyond me. The easiest reasoning is just that she is terrible as a showrunner and her lack of experience (and professionalism) was clearly seen and most likely reported. Who knows what her main goal was for the show but it very much was not to please fans or viewers as much as it was just to make herself happy. It’s very much a good thing that she is no longer involved in the show but her legacy failure of season 2 will forever stain Malex unfortunately (definitely ruined Maria forever for me) but maybe, just maybe, Chris and the other writers have something up their sleeve that could clean it up, who knows. I’m not the kind of person to wear rose-colored glasses but I am open to giving one last chance to RNM for season 3.

We all can only hope for better going into season 3 with Carina gone. I still have very low expectations because this is a CW show but considering how much love Malex gets on social media and its canon, I’m hoping moving forward we’ll see better for them 💗

#ask bee #anti carina

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skamamoroma · 5 years ago

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Martino always thinks he's not enough 💔

You ok there, anon? Sending you a cuddle ❤️

He does have a habit of it, doesn’t he? I find him overwhelmingly relatable across the board but this is another way. He cuts and runs the second he has a feeling he might be hurt. He did it in s2 and he did it in s4. I also do the same. I have done that before and I caused hurt with it too which is regrettable but it’s a self preservation thing, a way to stop the inevitable you think is heading your way.

I think all of the Isaks have a form of this feeling and they all react in various ways but Marti did in s4 exactly what he did in s2 and retreated entirely. He’s comfortable alone and so he retreats into it for safety. That’s ridiculously understandable for me as I do the same.

In s2, he does it 3 times, I guess. Once when Nico didn’t get in contact post kiss, one post night club when he saw Maddalena and Nico and once post Milan. Some of those were understandable because Nico made it difficult (and from Nico’s perspective - ALSO understandable!) but the final one is what makes me so sad. They were together then, really happy, really comfortable and it took one comment from Maddalena for Marti to believe the entire thing was nonsense. His belief in being happy and loved is so fragile.

I think this is where they played it up MORE with Marti and his personality because Nico didn’t send him numerous messages suggesting he was still within the throes of a MH crisis and perpetuating the idea that he was still under the effects of it and that meant it was the only reason he liked Marti like the other remakes... that didn’t happen. Nico’s struggles are different and he tried to explain to Marti in his own way with his “la giraffa” but this is where Marti is so endearing to me and where his mamma’s assessment of him is perfection - he speaks a different language to most.

Marti being the literalist and being incredibly straight forward cannot use that approach the way others can. He shut it down. He blocked Nico, he refused to see what was in front of him. He had to be told so many times (by the boys and Dottor Spera) that Nico should be the one to explain and that Marti had jumped to too many conclusions but above all, he needed simple, straight forward, non-metaphorical words from Nico to show how he felt.

And what happened the second he got them? He went immediately to Nico and was different. He was confident, assured, brave and bold in La Grotta.

Marti needs very little to be yours. If he loves you, he just needs simple, straight forward honesty. If you give him that I think he is cool with most stuff and can handle a lot, otherwise, left to his own interpretations he flounders because he isn’t a nuance guy when it comes to feelings. He is always going to assume the worst and place himself at the bottom of the pile unless he is presented clearly with stuff.

That’s why season 4 makes SO MUCH SENSE in the way they both behave because it’s that test to see if they realised that about themselves post s2 and I think they realised a LOT and learned a lot but they hadn’t learned this lesson yet.

Marti, over a long space of time in s4, keeps trying to get the truth. He understands what something is happening with Nico. He knows that there is something fundamental there but he doesn’t know what and obviously his mind jumps to the worst possibility, sees this handsome stranger enter Nico’s life and spark secrecy and Nico to hide things. I don’t think Marti knows his own worth and I don’t think he necessarily sees himself as someone that would be prioritised when he’s left to his own thoughts. I bet Nico has done so many things and said so much to make Marti feel cherished and loved but it’s ingrained in you sometimes to forget everything in favour of your brain telling you that it’s nonsense really... that there is always stuff that comes to ruin it or that you’re never going to measure up.

Now, Nico had no requirement to do anything and clearly had so much going on in his mind. He struggled trying to tell Marti, he struggled with the whole thing HIMSELF before he could even contemplate handling the Marti of it all... he lied and chose the least helpful path in secrets and trying to cover it all in a blanket and pretend it’s not there to the world while trying to make peace with it. Unfortunately, he’s in love with a guy who needs honesty and needs someone to be straight forward. Without that, Marti makes up his own mind.

Again, and I say it so often because it’s one of my favourite things about them. Nico is a metaphor and Marti is a literalist. It defines so much about them. Nico has come a LONG way to understand Marti. We’ve seen it a few times since s2 (even in their test released by Netflix!!! Thank you Besse!) and especially in the fisherman scene, but Nico has grown to understand Marti’s language just like Mamma Rametta. To love Marti means to tune into his ways. With Nico, he is a much more complex soul with intense fears of abandonment and difficulty with truth and transparency because of his past. He told us how he has been spoken for and talked on behalf of and how he has felt controlled. He told us how he felt alone despite being surrounded by people. We know he chose an animal as the one thing who understood. We know he chose a make believe scenario as comfort. We know he took Marti away and into their make believe world to find happiness. We know he lied time and time again about the truth of his life to protect what he felt was something special. This is ingrained behaviour for Nico as much as Marti’s is for him. Nico consistently uses lies, pretend and metaphor to handle his feelings and fears.

They’re both so hugely compatible but these two facets of their characters mean that 1) they both have to learn to speak a different language to make it work and 2) they both bring stuff to the other’s life that is missing and that enhances the other person. They just hadn’t learned that lesson yet despite learning a LOT in the meantime about other things.

In s4, with Nico’s behaviour being unusual, with his lies, with his lack of transparency, with his failure to explain to Marti, Marti filled in the gaps himself, he put himself at the bottom of the pile, he cut and ran to save himself hurt and he couldn’t handle not knowing the truth. Nothing about his behaviour shocked me in context except perhaps the knee jerk reaction to seeing Nico respond the way he did to Luai and start a bit of a scuffle. But even then, Nico didn’t say “oh I see an old friend”, he looked at Luai in the way he did and then walked off and brushed Marti off. Now if you consider it from Nico’s perspective it’s OVERWHELMING. No wonder he behaved as he did seeing Luai again, no wonder he was in shock and was probably really emotional to be presented with his past, no wonder he found it all difficult to digest and didn’t immediately tell all to Marti. But Marti wasn’t to know that.

I think it’s so telling in the fisherman scene. Marti’s request for a birthday present is honesty 😂😂😂

I mean, can it be more blatant. He has already told Gio and Sana and Dottor Spera and the boys in so many ways that Nico lied and “why didn’t he tell me that then?” and “he has a relationship with the truth”. Gio being the voice of reason telling Marti that Nico is working on it. But Marti craves that honesty. And so he eventually finds a way to be like “ok, I need it so please can you try to give me what I need”. That’s a huge step for him. He’s being clear with what he needs to be able to have a great relationship and I think Nico understood him. Nico isn’t weak or a push over. Marti saying he needed honesty was something Nico immediately agreed to, responded to and gave Marti in a heartbeat. He was being very honest when he said that he had wanted to sleep with Luai back in the day etc... and Marti’s response was to smile a little and say “ok”! I don’t think the crux of his issue was jealousy at all. I think it was a part of it but I think the main issue was being in the dark... and for Marti that’s catastrophic.

I like that the fisherman scene shows how much there both willing to work on stuff. Marti is trying to assert himself to say what he needs. Nico is trying to adapt and be more open and honest when the stuff he’s handling is difficult. And the final moment we see them come together with Nico showing how great he is for Marti but also how much he knows and understands him ESPECIALLY when you wait for that “I love you” which would have been so cliche and we were gifted with the much more romantic and ridiculous option of Marti asking to throw the fisherman in the sea and Nico smiling to himself and cuddling Marti to him, KNOWING Marti’s language enough to know that’s his way of deflecting while also expressing his contentment and also Nico just loving Marti for all that he is with all his weird ways. That “I love you for who you are” is VERY strong with them even if who they are is difficult or is different to the other... they try hard. Marti shouldn’t require Nico to be answering questions 24/7 and Nico shouldn’t require Marti to change his entire personality but they’re finding a balance because there’s so much love there. They just need to keep learning and I think that where Marti is concerned, the security of being loved is not enough. He needs facts and clarity and confirmation. He has been left behind before. To love him means to understand that and to respond to it and Nico learned it a little in s2 but had so much to handle in s4 that this is when they had that tested the most... and I think Marti knew what he was being given when Nico said he could ask anything. Marti is such a simple soul, man. He really doesn’t need a lot! He just needs to be able to apply his logic and facts to what is happening so that his ingrained fight or flight isn’t triggered!!!

WOW. YOU SET ME OFF. Sorry this is so long!!!! Hahahaha. I could talk about him/them all day 💙💙💙

#ask #skam italia #niccolò fares #nicotino #thoughts etc #martino rametta

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fanfic-obsessed · 4 years ago

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After Season 2

Here is another prompt that I hope someone runs with. At the end of season 2, instead of the Sparrow academy, the Hargreeves travel to a timeline where Five did not time travel as a child. This does have some massive changes for the timeline. One of the biggest is that while Ben survived, Klaus died when they were 16. The twist is that it was not an OD. On their 16th birthday Five and Ben managed to convince Klaus to get clean and begin to explore his powers. They believed that they could help him but really didn’t understand what he was going through or his fear. Three months later Klaus was clean when Reginald forced him into special training for the final time. The spirits in the Mausoleum killed him, horribly.

In addition Reginald had the session video taped. A tape that he showed to the rest of his siblings within a week of Klaus’s death. In it they saw how Klaus called for help and how in his panic he made the ghost visible. They all saw the things that haunted their brother as he died.

Where Ben’s death drove them apart, Klaus’s brought them together and turned them against Reginald, even Luther. They spent two years planning and killed Reginald when they turned 18 in retaliation for what happened to Klaus. At some point during this time they find out about Vanya. None of them move out or leave.

As you can imagine there is massive amount of trauma surrounding Klaus.

When our Season 2 Hargreeves land, The realize something is wrong as there is a Ben and another Allison in the room. Five teleports his family away to a dilapidated safe house but not before the other Allison sees Klaus and her eyes go wide.

At some point, after several days cooped up together in this safe house trying to figure out what is going on, one or more of the Hargreeves essentially tell Klaus to buzz off as he is not being helpful.

Klaus leaves and is promptly found by this dimensions Vanya, who promises Klaus that they don’t want to hurt any of them. She convinces Klaus to come back to the house, where the rest of the family is excited to see him in a way that he is not used to, even with the bonding they did in S2. Klaus never doubted his family loved him but none of the sibling really treat each other well and that carries over.

I envision the following:

-At least 2 brothers(one of which is Luther) sprint down to to see Klaus and slam into a wall or a doorway.

-All of this dimension Hargreeves request hugs or physical contact from Klaus, who is slightly bewildered but more than happy to help.

-Somehow S2 Five(who grew up in the apocalypse) is still better socialized than the one who grew up with Reginald.

-The Five who grew up in this dimension did figure out time travel but also figured out that he was not able to go back to save their Klaus. He consider this a personal failure and a bit of an obsession.

-No less than 3 different siblings offer to get Klaus drugs or something to block his powers (There is a lot of trauma regarding Klaus and his powers, ok). Klaus surprises everyone, including himself, when he turns them down. This leads to the him talking about Dave in greater detail than he had with his own sibling. (Five may have immediately started on equations to procure a Dave Katz for Klaus. (There is a lot of trauma))

-After S2 Hargreeves find them, there may have been some less than complimentary things said to Klaus, as Five wanted them to stay away from their doppelgangers which leads to some protective posturing from this dimensions Hargreeves.

-S2 Hargreeves are shown the video of a Klaus being killed by ghosts and do a little freaking out.

-This dimension’s Hargreeves are open about the fact that they want to keep Klaus (Dealers choice if Klaus goes along with it and how aggressive they are at wooing Klaus to stay with them. (Five procuring a Dave comes to mind))

#Umbrella Academy #tua season two #tua prompt #character death #but

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kiss-my-freckle · 4 years ago

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Bear with me on this rewatch. I kinda thought this episode was boring, but it had quite a few seeds for Rederina along with parallels and foreshadowing.

8x5 Rewatch: Fribourg Confidence

I’m gonna start off with Anne, since everyone is commenting about her. You basically have to follow his conversation with Vlad because she pushes Red back to 5x22 soundtracks. A simple follow along....

Dembe: Where are you going? Red: Clear my head, get some air.

Red: Bird watching is more than just birds, Cvetko. It's seeing ourselves in connection with the world in which we live.

♪ I don't know where I belong No I don't know But I've been hanging on For too long 'Cause no one really knows me, at all ♪ --Nobody Knows by Autograf

Red: Do we know each other? Anne: I don't believe so. Should I know you? Red: No, no, no. I was just curious if we'd ever met. Anne: I'm Anne. Red: Raymond. Anne: Well, now we've met. Red: Yes.

Red went to get some air. "She's in the very air you breathe." I'm expecting a resurrection for Katarina Rostova.

♪ You're on your own In a world you've grown Few more years to go Don't let the hurdle fall So be the girl you loved Be the girl you loved ♪ --Retrograde my James Blake

The world in which Red lives. He’s an old bird now.

How did he get here? Abe talking about his daughter. Rederina all through it.

Alina: Like father like daughter.

Like mother like daughter.

Red: I didn't know you had a daughter. Abe: I did once. But not anymore. Zoe: The two of you close? Red: It's complicated.

Abe: Jennifer and I are estranged. Now, I - I got those photos from her mother. Dom: I had to make do with photographs of Masha.

Abe: She and I agreed that Jen should live with her so she could have a life, a good life. An honest life. Red: God willing, Katarina's daughter will live a private life of quiet courage. Abe: But if you're right that my baby's a thief, go ahead. You may as well kill me now, 'cause I ain't got nothing to live for. Dom: You said it, chum. Look around here. You call this living? After I lost my daughter… I crawled… crawled into the wilderness like a mortally wounded animal to get as far away from the pack as I could, to… to run out the clock. Run out the clock and die. And If you came for a survival manual, you won’t find it here.

Abe: I never wanted this life for her. Red: I never wanted you to be.... like me.

Red: She's the first thing you think of every morning. Red: And every day, when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing.

Abe: Which is why I thought it best to stay away from her, even after I got out of prison. I cut ties. You can't imagine how hard that is. Dom: I loved that girl enough to let her go, which is more than you can say.

Red: For the purposes of this conversation, let's assume I can. Liz: I don’t know. With Reddington, I don’t assume anything.

Abe: Until one day, I walked back in. Not to be with her, you know, not to talk. Just... Just to see her. Kate: You can’t just stroll into her life after all these years. This is a mistake.

Abe’s girl.

Abe: Raymond, lay this at my feet, not at Jennifer's. She's just a kid. My girl. Red: Your girl. Abe: My baby girl.

Red’s girl.

Katarina: Take care of my girl, Sam.

Red: That's my girl.

And Ressler's, of course.

Red: Agent Ressler, how's our girl?

Yet he allowed the woman from Paris to stake claim.

The Woman: Me? I’m her mother.

Yet he allowed Tom to stake claim in the backseat in 5x8.

Tom: Liz, my Liz.

If Red can’t be Liz’s mother, then Liz can’t be Red’s daughter. Period. It cuts both ways. Alina and her dialogue. “The whole thing's sort of a double-edged sword, isn't it?” Yeah. That’s why this war won’t last. Liz is destroying both of them.

Some foreshadowing....

Abe: Now, wait... I told her that you were off-limits. I did, Raymond. Red: I flew 15 hours so I could look you in the eye and tell you what I told Rakitin - Elizabeth Keen is off limits. Sikorsky: And I asked you to fly here so I could look you in the eye and tell you I agree. For now.

Face value. “Look at our faces, your wife dies."

I like that they've got the husband sleeping with a pink mask just like his wife's, then they do a mirror shot like they do all the time for Rederina. Their Cape May hits are heavy in this episode. I have to wonder, given their references, if Red is gonna realize what's going on with Liz because of their Cape May- Ruin parallel. Funny too, given the way they opened this episode, the soundtrack. She wants to be your James Bond. "Are you telling me, like, what... Like, you think that I murdered a KGB defector, like I'm Bond? I'm Tom Bond, and I just, uh... between social studies and recess, I go around assassinating people. I had my job interview there, Liz, at the coffee shop." The woman who's acting just like her dead husband. The bird robber masks. And Red ends up birdwatching. They steal nothing but the flashdrive even though the box has stacks of cash. "Hey. It's me. Call Reddington. Tell him we got a problem." Yeah.... her name is Tom Bond. Red talking to Carl about how he overestimated his abilities. This hits back to Kate's arc. "As you well know, one of the keys to my success is a clear and consistent understanding of my own limitations. So often people overestimate themselves, misapply their gifts." Then the Hunter telling Red what Kate said to him. "She said you'd do this - understimate her."

“Hello, Peter.”

"Whoever robbed you knew where to look, and they didn't learn it from me. So... with all due respect, if there was a failure of security, it wasn't on my end."

Red technically failed Elizabeth. I was considering the note further. “Hello.” A nice hit to Cape May, but someone on Facebook pointed out a better parallel. Red dropping into Peter’s golden parachute, then dropping him from his plane. It sent my mind in so many directions. Howard faking his death with his plane. Red talking to Smokey about the difference between flying and falling. Atticus and Red sitting and watching the birds. Would you like to fly? I know I would. I think Liz plans to kill Red, but that plan will switch and something is gonna drop through her skylight. Add in Alina’s comment. "Drop the Mr. Wilke BS, and you might be home in time for dinner." Because it also parallels Peter. “Looks like we'll be able to drop you off in time for dinner.” As well as Tom in their Redemption pilot. Scripts for the spinoff are gone, so I can’t find the exact dialogue for that.

The very theme of this season is "finding" Liz. Because Red "lost" her. It's all a push back to her S2 memory wipe. That's why no one is supposed to find her until they actually find her as they’re supposed to. As I've been saying, she's reversing from Rassvet. That’s why part of me thinks the necklace in Red’s box might be purposeful. Red found Katarina, his former self in Cape May. Maybe Liz will find her former self in a Ruin parallel. I'm thinking perhaps that’s why they can’t get to Liz. Why they’re not supposed to. Liz has to find herself, and she’s doing it in this direction because fate wants her to. I’m gonna laugh if Liz goes from Red's deposit box, and the mark pushes her back to Tom's deposit box. That's where she found the envelope with the mark and her picture of Red at Sam's hospital. She's not Keen, she's Milhoan. Even possible Liz realizes Red is her mother while finding herself. I've often considered the idea of Liz learning Red's truth, and keeping it from the audience until the end of the series. Like perhaps she actually learns to keep a secret. At any rate, I think Liz will be “found” eventually. It’s all about that second memory wipe.

Red: Then she's gone. The thumb drive with her. Dembe: What will she do with it? Red: Nothing good.

The Freelancer: What does she need me to do? Skip: For now? Nothing. "You got caught in the rain..." The Freelancer: "And need to dry off."

Liz: Your daddy just always taught me to be ready for a rainy day. Agnes: But it's not raining. Liz: Aren't you too smart for your own good?

Again, the hit to Tom’s go-box in Liz’s vent. Talk about dialogues. You can see their direction. She gave the thumb drive to Cooper, and I’m all but guessing Alina will be repaying Red next week by recovering it. Quid pro quo. I think The Freelancer was Liz’s mistake, and they’ve hidden the danger he presents under their Sikorsky thumb drive storyline. Continue following along because Red is genuinely pissed and terrified at the same time lol...

Cooper: I suppose you also think that she's responsible for The Freelancer's release, which now that we're here and she's not, is guaranteed to happen. Red: I think she's not only responsible for it, I think it's what she wants. Cooper: That's absurd. Red: One day, Elizabeth steals millions of dollars from me, and next, The Freelancer has a brand-new expensive attorney demanding his release unless Elizabeth Keen magically appears in court. That doesn't strike me as absurd, Harold. That strikes me as unsettling.

Very unsettling. Liz had The Freelancer locked away in prison for 7 seasons, and Red just worried about Marvin betraying him for doing 3 years. jfc lol

Red: But before then - I fear she may do something that she can never recover from. And of all the tragedies that you and I have experienced together, that would be the most tragic. We have to do - do everything in our power to prevent that from happening.

Exactly what Red was talking about with Cooper at the end of 8x3. Her doing something she won't be able to recover from. The Freelancer will kill 60 people just to hide one murder. Liz just put Agnes in danger. Perhaps the point of Marvin’s set up. To show Liz’s naïveté" in the criminal world. Forget about the thumb drive... it’s The Freelancer Red worries about.

Cooper's hypocrisy. He lost Liz first after Aram already let her escape the post office. "And, Agent Ressler, let's keep this an internal matter. We can notify Reddington once Keen's safe and in our custody." Giving Red all reason not to share his intel. "So now you want my help. Harold has a unique definition of - halfsies. Tell him that I don't recognize anyone in the photos and that the next time he has actionable intel, I expect him to share it with me before it's squandered, not after." Sigh.... Cooper telling Panabaker everything after what he did in Kuwait. Shit is gonna fly.

Aram is getting better in the field, so there’s that. Their hit back to Garrick’s episode with Red’s story about handwriting. A Rederina hit with the handwriting. Rederina hits all over the place. Rederina with their Cape May hits, the Cape May warbler and Red’s Cape May id. The leader was a woman lol. Yeah... Red leads, they follow, but I think it’s funny Panabaker believes otherwise. “You don't find many swans swimming in the sewer.” How long will 41 million last Liz? The robber woman was paid 1.5 million. The coffee cups are getting insane at this point. All throughout. That’s what Tom’s dream scenario started with.

Basically, I’m expecting something serious to drop through Liz’s skylight and for Agnes to get hit... two things I’ve been predicting since S5 and S6.

Red: Under the greenwood tree, who loves to lie with me, and turn his merry note unto the sweet bird's throat. Cvetko: Nice rhyme. Red: Shakespeare thought so.

Red leaving his criminal empire behind for just a moment in a peaceful world. Becoming one with the birds, Anne chirping along with them. Red doesn’t get much time to sing... unless he’s torturing someone in the woods for a name in S3, then breaking out in campfire song.

#Anti-Tom Keen #Anti-Keen2 #Rederina

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 5 years ago

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i preserved in him what he needed to believe about you.

i wrote yesterday that this episode had a lot riding on it. for the most part, it delivered--mostly in anchoring both dick and slade’s arcs, expanding on the themes introduced in s2, and in firmly establishing jericho as My Favourite Forever And Ever. it was also very flawed, but in (mostly) interesting ways. let’s talk about it!

SPOILERS ahead.

1. jericho has my whole heart and then some. i think it would’ve been very easy to paint him with broad strokes--my fear was they would drag the innocence all the way to the edge of infantilisation, which, good god NO--but while he is enthusiastic and ready to believe the best of both his friends and family, there’s a sharpness to him, a kind of reckless guile, and quite a lot of unresolved and complicated feelings about father figures.

1.25. he is obviously very proud of his father having served in the military--he’s even tangentially aware that he was experimented on, given his nonchalant attribution of his own powers to “drugs” that his father took while serving. (this awareness has to include the fact that his father definitely took a number of lives as a soldier.) even the awful assault that took away his voice and eventually his father from his life tracks with a single, knowable truth. knowing this helped him ground his own identity--the problem comes when he realises that what he’d used to build himself on was itself built on a lie.

there is a tension, then, between his loyalty to these friends who used him but ultimately revealed the truth to him, and his desire to have that cornerstone of his life back. his compromise is to talk to his father, but only with dick’s permission; in it, he would know if his father was finally ready to be completely honest with him, and if there was more to dick’s friendship than merely using jericho to get to his father.

1.3. of course, it doesn’t exactly work that way: in the final fight at the church, there are two men who insist on their truth while pushing him to the side. in it, he sees one of them ruthlessly cut down the other, and he sees the other using his own body and life to protect him. jericho makes his choice in the end.

1.45. dick i think was absolutely right and justified in bringing jericho to a safe place where he can explore and learn to control his powers, even if dick was surprisingly blase about the potential ethical tangles of being able to possess other people’s bodies without them being aware of it. it was honestly a bit disturbing to see that hank was chosen to demonstrate jericho’s powers, given his history and the fact that he describes the experience as a “blackout”. i’m just going to assume that he would’ve come around to it eventually.

given the relative paucity of Big Bads and grand superhero battles, i’m kind of taken with the idea of the titans essentially being a support group for young troubled superheroes who need help and training and ways to ground themselves before heading back to their corners of the world.

1.5. ultimately this episode once again drives home what should be the essential question in a show that revolves around a team of superhero sidekicks: are we destined to be what we were moulded to be? is the point of their existence to perpetuate what their mentors/fathers did? slade and jericho both struggle with this; so do dick and donna in this episode. so do rose, and jason, and rachel, and conner, and kory in the broader context of the series. the answers they find are complicated and at the cost of a great deal of pain, but the process is always interesting.

1.8. obviously jericho isn’t actually dead. i wonder what that initial dreamscape sequence was all about? is it some secret pocket dimension that jericho jumped into at the last minute when slade killed his body? is that where he’s been for the last five years?

2. dick grayson is lost. he is utterly buried under artifice and armour. i mentioned in a previous post (i think the one for 2.07) that he performs quite a bit of emotional labour for the team on top of being their leader in a tactical sense. here, he’s trying to hold it together for the team after a devastating death; he’s spearheading an effort for revenge he thought they all supported. he pulls on batman-goggles, trying to look at what he’s doing from a logical, emotionally-removed perspective, even while burying his bleeding heart as deep as he possibly can. no wonder he’s acting “like a ghost” and “burning at both ends”--it’s a terrible burden to bear.

then the team turns around--once they’ve already gotten the info they needed, mind!--and tells him to cut jericho out of this operation; that it’s wrong and awful to have involved him at all. when he tries to do just that, he sees that he can actually help jericho as a friend and teammate, and at the urging of dawn, comes clean to him. meanwhile garth’s death and donna’s grief is still an unrelenting pressure on the back of his neck, driving him to find deathstroke at any cost--except when that cost is betraying jericho’s trust. ultimately slade nearly murdering donna is what breaks him--and he decides to follow jericho to slade anyway.

at every point he is so desperately trying to do good by everybody that he loses himself in the process. that his reward for this is being beaten up, a truckload of survivor’s guilt, and being abandoned by his closest friends is just so fucking awful. his friends are so used to his artifice and he is so used to absorbing all the blame that they think nothing of both praising him for being someone that saves people and believing he would sacrifice innocent lives for the sake of a mission in the same day.

(but this makes dick/kory so beautiful and refreshing--she has no time for his artifice and he doesn’t have to Be Someone around her. their relationship is defined by being undefined, and in that sense--at least for now--both of them find peace in the other.)

2.5. slade commenting coldly on dick’s fighting skills and the way he uses dick’s feelings for jericho to distract and defeat him makes me think that slade’s been playing this game with dick for far longer than he was aware: slade used both jericho and donna as bait to lure dick to that church, fought him in a cold, critical way undoubtedly reminiscent of a thousand sparring sessions with batman, and drove him utterly to the ground not just to prove a point to the titans and the superhero community at large but to jericho as well: this man is weak, manipulative, and ultimately a poor substitute for slade.

2.75. who knows for how long dick wallowed in his failure, still seeing jericho take the blade that was meant for him, utterly alone? did he go back to the batcave, utterly defeated, and did he listen to bruce call him out on his mistakes? how much do you think he internalised all the terrible things he’d been told he was until he believed it all to be true? until he couldn’t live with himself and spiralled and spiralled until his self-hatred lead to outright self-destruction?

like--no wonder he completely fell apart in the present day when deathstroke showed up again. he’d just started to trust--he’d just started to build a family again. and here it is, a reminder of his biggest failure threatening to have him fail spectacularly once again.

... this boy needs so much therapy. or at least a long nap and a series of hugs.

2.8. (that fight between him and slade tho... goddamn. even my shitty quality stream couldn’t take away from how thrilling it was to watch.)

3. dawn is... well. i know it’s been frustrating to follow dawn this season, as she’s been either non-existent or, uh, flat, but there was something interesting in the way her dynamic with dick moved and shifted in this episode. she thrills to ideals without considering the consequences of actually following those ideals. in the space of a few months, she can implore dick to act like batman, then tell him no, she was wrong to have asked him to do that, then say that she loved him for saving people and then barely days later abandon him for being a reckless sociopath who exploited innocent lives. in the present day, she can support hank in his retirement and rehabilitative process, yet still think it’s perfectly ok to go behind his back and continue being a vigilante. she supported protecting rose in the tower but still piled on dick for going off on his reckless suicide mission to try and save both jason and rose. she endorsed (and once praised) dick taking on troubled young superhero charges, yet turned around and berated him for daring to open up titans tower and “put them in the firing line”.

i mean, for all that she takes the considerate, sensitive line in conversations, it’s almost always in contradiction to a position she’d taken earlier. it’s too consistent to be a coincidence, and i think it’s fascinating.

4. i didn’t realise amazons could be defeated and killed so easily?? who issued the contract to kill jillian in the first place and what was the “important work” they were doing in san francisco in the first place? a mystery within a mystery...

5. if this season were the draft of a story, i would go right in with a red pen and start moving around all the parts to make it flow better; excise entire passages and rewrite a few others. the pacing has been terrible, and this has meant that the younger titans--and the team we came to know and love through the first season--have gotten almost nothing to do, either plot-wise or emotionally. even if kory and gar and rachel become absolutely vital to the story in the last 4-5 episodes, it would still be a fairly significant failure, storytelling-wise.

that’s a pity because this show is packed with a stellar cast, always looks gorgeous, and is filled with genuinely insightful human relationships that are allowed to unfold in ways you just don’t see in other superhero media. just--*vibrates* a little more love and care from the people making and producing the show please!

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #jericho #dick grayson #slade wilson #deathstroke #dawn granger

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yoyo-inspace · 5 years ago

Note

13, 27, 33

EDIT: tried to post these before but apparently I drafted it instead. Whoops. Sorry @bounding-heart!

Saving 13 for last because then I can put it behind a Read More for spoiler reasons!

27. Top 5 brotps

These were the first ones that came to mind and I’m kinda sad there aren’t any female friendship BrOTPs on the list, but I’m tired and I can’t be bothered to wrack my head for any more.

1. Donna & Ten (Doctor Who) They have to this day remained one of my favourite TARDIS teams. They’re an absolute joy to watch together, even in episodes I don’t like that much. I’ll forever be sad about how it all ended - somewhere out there I’m sure there’s a timeline where they really did end up traveling together forever. Also, Catherine Tate and David Tennant together anywhere are an absolute powerhouse.

2. Teal’c & Jack O’Neill (Stargate SG-1) I think one of Stargate’s strongest suits have always been how they truly managed to build believable relationships and specifically friendships (and found family) over the course of the show. And the relationship between Jack and Teal’c is definitely evidence of that. They’re just so good together, and they care so much about each other. The moment Teal’c proves where his loyalties are and O’Neill is immediately going to stand by him through everything, because that’s the kind of person Jack is. And likewise for Teal’c, he’d do anything for O’Neill. They have such a unique understanding of each other, and I honestly think it’s one of the strongest relationships in the show.

3. Greed & Ling (Fullmetal Alchemist)This is one of those relationships where I kind of read it multiple ways depending on what mood I’m in, but for now, let’s come at it from the BrOTP angle. A lot of the best relationships that I love are about people who improve each other in different ways, and compliment each other, especially in BrOTPs. These two certainly do. They’re also surprisingly similar in many ways, and they push each other to be the best versions of themselves (which takes a bit longer for Greed than it does for Ling, but he gets there in the end).

4. Sam & Daniel (Stargate SG-1) I did say Stargate has some strong friendships, didn’t I? So they get TWO entries on this list. I know, a little unfair, but it’s my list, so my rules. Sam and Daniel are like, almost literally siblings in my eyes. They bicker like siblings, take care of each other like siblings and they support each other like it as well. I wish the show had shown their friendship even more honestly, but it’s one of my favourites to explore in fanfics and such. Also, I will forever be bitter about the fact that Sam is the only one who didn’t get a visit from Ascended Daniel. #Rude

5. Lee and Iorek (His Dark Materials)Sometimes, a family is a man, a hare and a bear in a balloon, alright? Look, we don’t get much of these in the original book, though even the little we get always point out how much they care about each other. And then we got an entire book ONLY DEDICATED TO THEIR AWESOME FRIENDSHIP. Considering how difficult it is to win a bear’s trust, imagine how hard it is to gain a bear’s friendship and loyalty. Lee’s special like that. Even if Iorek has his own special way of honouring it.

33. Top 5 episodes

Of everything ever?! Well, that’s not difficult or anything. Here I actually gave myself the rule of one episode per show. Because otherwise it’s IMPOSSIBLE.

1. Black Sails 4x09Yes, the Black Sails finale is amazing, and nearly took this spot. But in many ways its the epilogue to what actually culminates in this penultimate episode. Everything happens in, constantly. It does not let you rest, because even when things are still, you’re worried about the character. It’s a masterfully written, directed and acted episode, across the board, and one of the strongest episodes the show has - though it of course has the benefit of building on everything that came before it.

2. Heaven Sent - Doctor WhoI knew this was going to be on the list. My absolute favourite episode from one of my absolute favourite shows. Like the episode above, it’s brilliantly written, directed and acted - except the acting is done by a single person. And yes, this is one of those episodes I can watch over and over again and still enjoy it just as much if not more than the first time. As Rachel Talalay said - it’s poetry in the form of an episode, and I think that goes for all three of those aspects (acting, writing, directing). The music is also incredible. It has it all - as well as for me one of the most compelling emotional hooks in Doctor Who.

3. Hard Times - Good OmensThis might only be on here for recency reasons, but bear with me. I thought I knew just what to expect from the Good Omens TV show. This episode certainly threw me for a loop in the best possible way. While I can’t really speak quality wise, it’s definitely my favourite episode of the show, and no, not only because I’m a massive shipper, though that’s certainly a part of it. I just also love creative story telling and television making, and this episode does both. Having the intro halfway into the episode? Brilliant, love it. Juxtaposing their growing friendship with the break-up at the end? Great. Also period costumes. Period costumes everywhere.

4. Meridian - Stargate SG-1It’s certainly not the best episodes of Stargate, and I don’t even know if I can say it’s my absolute favourite at any given time, but it’s definitely an episode that had and has a huge emotional impact on me, and one I keep returning to even when it breaks my heart. I do think the acting in it is superb, and it’s a wonderful closure for a character (which also opens up to new possibilities). But how it makes me cry.

5. Sakura and the Final Judgment - Cardcaptor SakuraI knew I wanted some kind of anime in here, but it’s difficult. Anime have shorter episodes, their storyline endings or build-ups usually play out over multiple episode. I couldn’t pick just one FMAB episode, I’d have to pick ten if I wanted to represent a full part of the story. But I wanted to have one, and so I took another one that had a huge impact on me. That is the season finale of s2 of Cardcaptor Sakura, and really, the ‘end’ of that part of the story. Sakura cheering herself on in the face of failure, herself coming to support her, her using her ‘spell’ of simply saying that everything will be alright, because of how much she believes that. Let’s just say this one hits home a lot, and it encapsulates so many of the reasons why CCS has meant so much to me.

Honorable mention: Probably something from the upcoming HBO show, I can already say that with confidence.

ALRIGHT, TOP 5 DEAD CHARACTERS COMING UP. Will contain spoilers for: Harry Potter, xxxHolic, Fullmetal Alchemist, The Book Thief.

13. Top 5 dead characters

1. Albus Dumbledore - Harry PotterNo matter what people might think of Dumbledore, fact remains that I have never cried as much or as long for the death of a fictional character. I do love him, flaws and all, and when he died, I was literally inconsolable for the entire evening. My dad read that chapter to me and had to sit and like hug me for an hour or something. I was bawling. I know we’re not ranking top death scenes or anything, but I think not even I was prepared for how strongly I was going to react to it, but it does indicate how much that character meant, and still means to me.

2. Van Hohenheim - Fullmetal Alchemist While on the subject of Problematic Father Figures, here’s one more. God, Hohenheim makes me cry. Just. Everything about him. He tries so hard where it really matters and still he can’t quite seem to get there. He was, in so many ways, a tragic victim of circumstance, who never thought he’d learn to love again. I have so many headcanons about him and Trisha, but honestly, what we get from them is absolutely phenomenal on its own. And in the end, he could be there for his boys, even if he couldn’t keep his promise to Trisha. I have a soft spot for immortal characters who end up finding the will to live again through fleeting human lives, alright? (Also, Hohenheim suffers from glasses flare syndrome, where even if he’s crying or happy, no one will know because of his impenetrable anime glare).

3. Severus Snape - Harry PotterYes, yes, I know, problematic character, yadda yadda. Don’t want to hear it right now, alright? Tired of having to dedicate an entire paragraph defending my reasonings for putting Snape in just about anything. To sum it down, it’s a character that means a lot to me, he’s dead, and that’s why he’s on this list.

4. Yuuko Ichihara - xxxHolicThe Space-Time Witch herself. Isn’t it awkward when you die and then your boyfriend just happens to be so powerful that even when he just, humanly enough, wishes for a moment that you’d still be alive, he accidentally brings you back to life, and then you both have to spend the rest of your lives trying to pay for that mistake and all the lives it affected because it kind of fucked up the space time continuum? And at the same time you manage to be an absolute powerhouse of a character? Because she is. Yuuko might not be alive, but she lives life to its fullest even when she’s not.

5. Rudy Steiner - The Book ThiefI mean, I did say earlier that Dumbledore is the character who’s death I’ve cried the most for, and that’s true. But this book is definitely the BOOK where I’ve cried the most. I can just open a random page and start bawling. Every character who dies in that book could technically make it on to this list. I did almost put Hans on, but honestly? Rudy is part of the heart and soul of that book, and his death feels so much more of a robbery of life. I love him, that little boy with the lemon-coloured hair. “How about a kiss, Saumensch?”

#bounding-heart #thanks for asking this was so much fun!!#not going to tag all the fandoms #there's a lot of them

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sol1056 · 6 years ago

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strategy vs tactics

I’ve had a few asks sitting around for a bit since I posted about tactics and strategy, and @nomadicism‘s recent analysis of Hawkins and Mal as leaders in VLD reminded me of the questions. In a nutshell, the difference is:

Strategy is the big picture, and its focus is the final objective. Strategy defines why you engage, and delineates parameters of success or failure.

Tactics are the implementation, with a short-term focus. Tactics define how you engage, manipulating environment, timing, resources, and intel to achieve success.

Behind the cut: each approach in practice, characterizing the two mindsets, and character moments that show strategic or tactical thinking so you can see how the combinations can play off each other.

First, though, I’m going to tell you a story.

It’s a battlefield truism that numbers win. If your 5,000 soldiers line up against 20,000 enemies, all else being equal, your smaller side will lose. If you’re lucky, you’ve got superior technology or firepower. If you’re unlucky, you don’t. If you’re really unlucky, the other side has superior numbers and superior technology and firepower.

Scotland, 1314. You’re besieging a castle currently held by the English, and they’re sending reinforcements, enough to outnumber you 3-to-1. Superior numbers, check. Your army? Maybe 500 mounted, and the rest afoot with axes, swords, and pikes. The enemy’s got heavy cavalry and longbowmen. Superior technology and firepower, check. You’re pretty much screwed, unless you’re Robert the Bruce and god-tier at turning the tables.

Robert had to stand his ground or the siege would fail, but that meant his army didn’t have to exhaust themselves marching. He had time to select high ground, with a rise of trees at his back. His army dug holes along the only approach, planting stakes and covering them up. The first line of cavalry would go down; subsequent lines would avoid them, taking the one alternate route Robert allowed: directly into bogs along the riverside --- exactly the last place you want to take big chargers carrying heavily-armored men.

At the end of the first day, the English were in the swamp. Demoralized, they crossed the river at night, and prepared to charge... uphill, ankle-deep in mud, and halted at the end by thickets, where the Scots afoot could evade easily. You can’t hold a tight formation when navigating trees and underbrush. Plus, the longbowmen couldn’t support when the cavalry got too far ahead; half their shots hit their own people. And flanking maneuvers failed against lighter Highland ponies, running circles around the heavier English chargers.

Robert didn't need to know Lao Tzu to know his famous edict: all warfare is based on deception. As the English rallied for a final charge, from the hilltops came a thousand voices and the clang of weapons striking shields. Robert’s reinforcements had arrived!

The English broke ranks and fled. Unfortunately for them, all that hollering was camp followers banging pot lids with sticks and making enough noise to wake the devil. In the end, historians estimate the English had losses as high as 70%. Robert lost substantially less; of his mounted troops, only two died.

It always comes down to numbers. If you can’t reduce the difference via obstacles (staked pits, muddy ground), you narrow your focus. A head-on strike plays to the enemy’s numerical advantage. So... you only fight some of them.

In Legend of the Galactic Heroes, the protagonist is outnumbered 4-to-1. He ignores traditional battlefield assumptions (lining up and shooting) and narrows his charge to a wedge formation, focused on one enemy squadron. Now the fight is 4-to-1 in his favor. From there, he attacks the next enemy squadron on their unprotected flank. One at a time, each can be knocked down because he’s limited the battlefield in a way that the numbers favor him, not the enemy.

Attack when they’re unprepared, from an angle they don’t expect, and turn their strengths to weaknesses. If they’re stationary, be mobile; if they’re shifting, be as steadfast as a mountain until they’re just sparrow wings beating on stone. Basically, a skillful tactician aims to disadvantage the enemy and advantage themselves: layer enough handicaps on the other side, and it’ll take ten of them to be as effective as one of yours.

The tactician, though, is only as good as the strategy they’re supporting. The best strategists planned for battles you never hear about, because the battles never happened. Those strategists aimed to be victorious before a battle even began. As Lao Tzu put it: the supreme act of war is to achieve victory without fighting.

Historically, brilliant strategists are often horrendous tacticians and vice-versa. It’s big-picture vs small-picture, really. A strategist, in the midst of battle, is most likely to go for the goal with no thought for subterfuge, intel, resources, or other tactical details. A character whose default attack is a straightforward bludgeon is probably a strategic mind, too set on the forest to register the trees on fire. On the opposite side, a character who can’t seem to pick their battles (even if they manage to win the ones they do pick) is probably a tactical mind, swatting at burning trees and never once thinking of the forest.

Allura’s decision in the S2 finale is pure strategy. (She ignores the bigger picture of what happens after, but we’ll leave that aside for now.) She’s got the objective in sight and nothing will sway her from ending Zarkon’s empire.

Kolivan’s position is tactical: losing contact with Thace puts the team at a severe disadvantage. The allies have five lions and one castle-ship. The enemy has countless warships, endless resources, and a huge station-thing that practically dwarfs the average planetoid. When Kolivan wants to pull back, he’s not arguing strategy (which is how Allura interprets his words). He’s arguing tactically; losing the element of surprise changes the calculus of victory.

When the team is on the Balmera, using a sentry arm (basically, using the enemy’s superior technology against them) or befriending the locals (as Pidge does with the children) are both smart tactics. Keith's choice to charge in shows he’s only seeing the goal (take out the sentries). Good strategy, but phenomenally stupid on a tactical level.

Lance’s response shows he’s got a tactical mindset: he looks for ways that twist the enemy’s advantages against them. The enemy patrols, but only along established open tunnels; Keith and Lance go through a duct. The enemy has vast systems to manage every detail, but the strength of centralizing is a weakness when only one sleepy sentry is in the control room.

In other words, Lance intuitively finds a way to offset the difference in their strengths by focusing their attack on a single point of weakness. What could’ve been 200-to-2 with Keith’s idea becomes 2-on-1 with Lance’s.

In the Beta Traz episode (though it’s not written quite as cleanly as the Balmera episode), Lance does show some drawbacks of that tactical approach. His focus is on how, not why, so he dismisses his questions of whether a barely-verbal dog-like creature could be a genius engineer. Someone else set that strategy and made that decision; Lance’s part is just to make sure it gets fulfilled as ordered.

In team tropes, the leader and lancer are usually strategist and tactician, respectively. S1/S2 reversed that, with Shiro as tactician while Keith showed flashes of a strategic mindset. It’s when Shiro debates strategy with Allura that the two aspects blur, since allies are good strategy (potentially forestalling battle), and good tactics (augmenting one’s numbers, a source of intel). Those debates show Shiro’s versatility, but he does that best when he’s working in tandem with a strategic mind. It’s not where Shiro goes first, on his own.

Allura is the consistent strategist in those first two seasons. She identifies the objective, and Shiro figures out the best use of the team and Voltron to achieve that objective. In her absence, the roles flip, because Shiro’s left to set the strategy and... he’s too much of a tactician.

The finale in S1 was nearly suicidal from one perspective; the team is going to a battleground of Zarkon’s choosing, with limited backup and surprise as their sole advantage. Shiro’s call to attack when the enemy least expects is sound, but the ‘go in hard and fast’ is little more than a rapid-fire frontal attack. Worse, no one stops to consider that since Zarkon has Allura, he’s expecting Voltron to retaliate --- that is, the only surprise is when, not if.

It’s Keith who raises objections, as a good lieutenant should. The narrative glosses over the fact that Keith is right, except Allura’s single line: ”Tell me you didn't bring Voltron straight to Zarkon's central command!” It’s a subtle affirmation of Keith’s instinct that her rescue was unwise from a strategic perspective.

The bigger picture would’ve weighed Zarkon’s overwhelming power, resources, and sheer numbers against the necessity of keeping Voltron from being captured. Honestly, I’m not sure it would’ve changed much if the team had known Zarkon was the previous Black Paladin. They already knew he wanted to capture Voltron; at that point, knowing why (a strategic matter) was irrelevant in the face of how (the tactics of their approach).

When Shiro is gone and the team swaps, Allura's move into Blue takes her out of that strategic position. But it also moves Keith, another strategic thinker, into leadership, with one major difference: there’s no longer a separation between the overall command strategy and the implementation of Voltron itself.

With a strategist in the leader’s seat, Voltron is no longer used tactically, as one resource among several (Allura’s knowledge, the Blades’ intel, the castle-ship as reinforcement). Like so many strategists turned battlefield leaders before him, Keith immediately goes directly for the throat with no regard to resources, circumstances, environment, or intel.

The episode on Thayserix had great character development, but as enemy-interactions go, it was also (as @nomadicism noted) pretty damn stupid. Keith rightly identifies Lotor as the main objective, but at the cost of ignoring all their tactical disadvantages. Pidge points out they’re following Lotor to a ground of Lotor’s choosing, in an environment that works against them and for which they’re not prepared. Keith seems blind to the need for tactics; no surprise he dismisses Pidge’s warning as unimportant.

These are the actions of someone relatively new to exercising that strategic instinct; Keith is too quick to forget the bigger picture once he’s on the battlefield. Puig called for help, yet the team never checks if the Puigians are alright. A situation dire enough to send Voltron, yet Voltron gets distracted on the way to its rescue mission. Neglecting one’s allies is definitely bad strategy.

After all, Lotor set up the meeting. That effectively played his hand as someone who wanted something from the paladins. It’s a reasonable to assume Lotor would try again by some other means, so a good tactician would keep stalling or deflecting until the circumstances can be manipulated to the team’s benefit. Keith’s strategic perspective, on the battlefield, becomes a disadvantage Lotor could use against them.

And that’s where the real problem lies with making Keith the Black Paladin.

Some characters (like Shiro seems to be) can swing from one mindset to the other; there have been commanders who can manage both adequately, even if they're most comfortable in one. Where VLD strikes untrue is when the other characters flip in response, with the clearest example being when the team must choose between the teludav and the comet ship.

Shiro provides the strategy (teludav as first priority) and his blunt-force tactics (take the hit) are par for someone who isn’t tactical, both of which are opposite Shiro’s S1/S2 characterization. Keith argues (iirc, he was ambivalent about which target was highest priority), but his ultimate response is a tactical one, when he angles Voltron and side-steps so the comet-ship’s strike hits the teludav. Keith is a good enough pilot to pull off the stunt, but he’s in the awkward position of trying to match Shiro’s skill as a leader-tactician --- and that’s just not where he’s at.

From a battle perspective, Keith’s complaint of ‘I can’t lead them like you’ is literally true. His strengths aren’t tactical; he can’t be what Shiro was for the team. He’s further hamstrung by his reluctance to rely on others. His strategic instincts are (mostly) solid, so he doesn’t need Allura to provide those. His belief that leadership = tactics (per Shiro’s example) means he takes that on, too, so he doesn’t need Lance’s tactical insights, either.

Where the story fails for Keith’s leadership is that it never resolves this conflict to any satisfaction. We don’t see Keith learning to think tactically, so his continued dismissal of Lance’s input (except to follow orders) means the team lacks tactical input. Nor do we see Keith learning to think beyond instinctive strategy to the truly big picture (which admittedly Allura also needed to learn). The result is Keith’s leadership is inadequate strategically and tactically.

What makes a finale interesting, really, is when both strategy and tactics are engaged. If the story emphasizes strategy (ie, the decision of which target to focus on), the actual battle ends up lacking tension because the conclusion is foregone. A tense battle isn’t created with overly complicated steps that rely more on audience suspension of disbelief than logical actions.

What you need are good tactics that don’t rely on coincidences or lucky timing. And if you really want a page-turner, make sure you’ve got a smart opponent who doesn’t react as expected.

One more story to illustrate.

Japan, 1542. You’re young, untested in the eyes of all your rivals and neighboring lords, and you’ve spent the first year of your reign getting your own house in order. Your elder sister had married a neighboring lord, the seal on a peace treaty, and now her husband, the lord of Suwa, has broken that treaty and attacked a castle in territory you nominally hold. You have a long game strategy, and that land is a crucial step. On the other hand, a direct strike at Suwa could put your elder sister in danger.

You need to subdue Suwa, keep your sister safe, regain your territory, and prevent any future rebellions that would force you to divert resources when you need them most elsewhere. Short version: you need a strategy that won’t turn your sister into a hostage.

Not a problem, as long as you’re Takeda Shingen, a strategic genius who’s also smart enough to find and cultivate a brilliant tactical mind, Yamato Kansuke. The above premise is mostly true, though details are hard to come by in English sources. That said, NHK’s 2007 taiga is a good reenactment of the trickery and manipulation Shingen and Kansuke seemed to favor.

The preliminary strategy is simple: conflict in Suwa will give Shingen an excuse to take over under the guise of defending Suwa. A discontented Suwa noble is chosen as the fall guy, and Shingen sends Kansuke and an accomplice to speak with this Takato.

Kansuke says: if Takato provides support when Shingen attacks, Shingen will appoint Takato castellan of Suwa. (In other words, a governor under Shingen’s rule.) All Takato has to do is bring enough numbers to make an impression.

Kyorishi protests: no, no, that’s not what Shingen wants. If Takato leads the attack, Shingen will lend support and acknowledge Takato as lord of Suwa. None of this castellan stuff!

Takato, predictably, is baffled. Is he expected to attack, or to support? Will he be under Shingen’s command, or a full lord in his own right? Shingen's messengers can’t even get their stories straight! Takato decides there’s nothing to fear; this kid Shingen is way out of his depth. Kansuke’s goal: let Takato get cocky, and Shingen can take advantage of opportunities that rashness creates.

Kansuke heads back to report, while Kyorishi infiltrates Suwa, seeking warrior families who could be dissuaded from supporting Suwa’s lord. Not long after, Shingen’s sister gives birth to a boy. Perfect: Shingen will declare himself the protector of his infant nephew, the future lord of Suwa. That’ll assure the province of its independence and it’ll settle down.

Takato sends word he’ll attack Suwa, with Shingen as support. Shingen pulls his army together and marches, while Kyorishi spreads the word that Suwa faces the combined armies of Takato and Shingen. He also riles people up with news some of the liege families are sitting it all out. Kyorishi's delivery is note-perfect: omg everyone is against us but at least we'll die fighting to the very end. Dramatic --- and demoralizing.

When Shingen arrives at the main Suwa castle, Takato doesn't join him. Shingen's strategies are on the verge of failing, hanging as they did on Takato. To Shingen's surprise, Suwa also marches, despite a force one-fifth Shingen’s. Suwa’s loss is sealed, and that means, per the time’s customs, everyone in Suwa castle will kill themselves, including Shingen's sister. But if Shingen backs off, his bluff will be called, putting his larger plans at risk.

Basically, Takato proves cagey enough to not move until he knows Shingen really will fight Suwa. Everything now hinges on getting Takato to march --- but first, Shingen needs to buy time. That means forcing Suwa to retreat.

Kansuke chooses deception: spread the torches out, put up twice the banners, make the army seem so vast that Suwa loses its nerve and flees for a more defensible stronghold. Those left to defend the first castle will set it on fire rather than surrender, and the Takato will interpret that to mean Shingen's engaged in battle.

When Shingen's forces make a show of moving into position, Kyorishi is among the Suwa forces, panicking loudly about the Takeda forces. Unnerved, many of the soldiers run rather than face generals with such fearsome reputations.

Suwa ends up retreating, and the castle burns. Takato marches, certain he’ll arrive after Suwa and Shingen decimate each other --- only to march right into the path of the retreating Suwa. The two armies clash, and while Takato is occupied, Shingen captures one castle, then the next. With that done, Shingen is able to force Suwa to capitulate, after which he sweeps up what’s left of Takato’s forces.

In one non-battle that’s mostly a lot of maneuvering and some delicate timing -- and a whole lot of groundwork --- Shingen recaptures his original territory, puts down a treaty-breaking lord, takes over a second province, and subdues the one lord who’s shown any willingness to fight. In the end, Shingen marches home without a single casualty.

And that is how a strategic mind and a tactical mind can work in tandem to an incredibly devastating effect.

#strategy and tactics #voltron #characterization #vld #analysis #sol thinks about stuff

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redhatmeg · 6 years ago

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My Analysis of James Gordon’s Hallucinations in “The Red Queen”

So when James Gordon gets drugged with Red Queen, he wakes up in an elevator with Barabara. Now, back in S1, Gordon learnt that his fiancee took drugs in the past and from S1 finale he probably considers her unhinged, so I think that Gordon’s psyche made Barbara his guide through his own mind being on drugs at the moment. The elevator is a mataphor for the fact that Jim’s psyche has many levels. He wants to get out, but the metal bars on the elevator’s door are burning him. He has no choice but go on a ride.

So the first level is GCPD precinct. Gordon finds himself on the upper level, in front of the captain’s desk and sees a crouching figure there. He comes closer and the figure disappear but appears again behind the detective. Gordon turns around and sees someone with a mask that resembles his own face. The person lifts the mask up and we see it’s Bruce Wayne, who says: “You don’t have much time.” and disappears again.

Ever since they’ve met for the first time, Gordon thinks of Bruce as somewhat his responsibilty. It was for the sake of the boy that he was motivated to not only find the Waynes’ killer but also to clean GCPD from the inside. And throughout season 1, 2 and 3, Bruce was often in danger, sometimes because of people like Galavan who wanted to hurt him just because he’s a Wayne... but more often than not, because the boy was doing his own little investigation. I always say that Bruce Wayne in Gotham has two role models - Alfred and Jim. Gordon is aware that the kid respects him and - in some ways - imitates him. That is why Bruce in his hallucination has a mask resembling Gordon’s face. As for the “You don’t have much time.”, it probably means that Jim may die if he will be under Red Queen’s influance for too long... and he also has an investigation to condone, just like he was condoning the investigation of Waynes’ killer.

Suddenly there is an explosion and someone pulls Gordon down so he won’t die. And once Gordon is down, he finds himself in military unifrom next to Oswald Cobblepot. Of course, Jim first asks Penguin if he knows where Bruce is. Oswald says some gibberish, and after being asked again he says: “Never leave your men behind.” Oswald thought of Gordon as his dear friend and yet Gordon left him in Arkham. So we can assume that part of Jim feels guilty about it. The detective goes away to find Bruce and soon he does find him - the boy is upstairs again and he wanted to show Gordon the view of battlefield in lower levels of the precinct. The battlefield is sucattered with corpses of policemen, and Bruce says: “Congratuations, Jim. You’re a hero you always wanted to be.”

Back in S2 GCPD precinct was massacred but Gordon survived. Later Gordon’s Special Squad (filled with young people freshly from police academy) also died, one gruesome death or another. Probably some part of Jim feels that if it wasn’t for his reckless crusade against crime, many good cops will probably be still alive.

Bruce takes his mask on and shoots Gordon. And then he pulls out pearls from Gordon’s shot wound. The famous Martha Wayne’s pearls come to mind, so I think that - in relation to Bruce - Gordon still thinks about the case he couldn’t solve and all the tragedies that happened because of his investigation (not to mention that at some point Bruce went after the real killer and almost crossed the line of no return).

Anyway, Bruce pushes Gordon over the barriers and the man finds himself in the elevator again. Barbara gives him mouth-to-mouth, wearing sexy nurse outfit. This probably represents how he sometimes thinks of Barbara - as someone who is obssessed with him. When she points out that it was his mind that gave her sexy nurse attire, Gordon makes her wear a nun habit, probably to say: “Stay away from me and be a good girl.” They move to another level which is the level where Lee Thompkins is.

Suddenly Jim finds himself wearing a three-piece suit and fedora a la traditional father from the fifties. He instantly is greeted by a little girl, little boy and Lee. It’s a family he never got to have - neither with Barbara, nor with Lee. He probably wanted to have wife and children - people who could come back to after the long day of work... but his life got complicated - he pushed away Lee and now she’s going to be a wife of someone else. However, in his mind he sits down, getting ready for a dinner. He’s both confused and happy... and then the lights start to flicker and suddenly his daughter disappears. Then his son and finally Lee, all of them saying: “You’re the best. Just the best.” He wants them back but he knows they’re never going to come back, because Lee has a fiancee and her and Jim’s children will never exist. Gordon is back in the elevator with Barbara in evening dress, holding a drink. When she offers him the drink, he tries to get out but - just like the first time - the bars are burning him. He pins Barbara to the wall and says he wants to go back to his family. Barbara retorts that if he wants Lee so badly, why is he wasting away in a dirty apartment. Remember - in the real world he’s a wreck and a bounty hunter; he also decided to not pursue Lee after he saw her with another man. So maybe Barbara is this part of Gordon’s psyche who wants to pursue Lee, even though she is taken.

And then Barbara says that if he wants to go home, he needs to “be nice”. Gordon gives up and Barbara takes him to the basement.

Before Jim goes to face his demons, Barbara tells him to be brave and that she knows how it’s like to face her own self. The Ogre shook her to the core and made her realize who she really is, so now Gordon expects to see his darker part. He asks Barbara if she wishes to be like her old self and she replies: “Do you?” Gordon knows that he lost his way. He’s not as idealistic as he used to be. He has blood on his hands and wishes to be his old self again. As a parting gift, Barbara takes a key from her mouth and tells him to “use it or not; it’s up to you”.

The basement of James Gordon’s mind looks like a road. Few feet away there is a car and a man drawing red sand from his pocket and probably looking for a car key. This man is Gordon’s father - the district attorney who died in car accident and who’s death little Jim witnessed. In spite of the fact that Gordon is an adult, his father recognizes him and tells him to go into the car or else they will be late for something. Once his father opens the car door, Jim hears a nurse calling the doctor (Mario, Lee’s finacee). Gordon gets into the car and he and his father start to drive somewhere.

At first it’s kind of awkward for Jim to see his father alive and well, but eventually he says he’s glad to see him and that he missed him. His father on the other hand, apologizes for not being at home very often, and asks if Jim wants to talk about the problems he has. And here is the best part of this whole episode:

Gordon confesses that when he was a kid, he didn’t inderstand why people called his dad a hero. He only knew that his old man goes to court and then comes back in the evening to play with him before dinner. It was only when Gordon was an adult that he understood: not only was his father fighting for justice but he was also coming back from all the darkness that he’d seen in court, to his family, keeping the darkness away from his wife and kid. Jim wanted to be just like his dad, but he knows he’s the oppsite of that. He��s not strong enough to keep the darkness away from the people he cares about. He couldn’t do it for Bruce and he couldn’t do it for Lee. He also isn’t as moral as his father, even if he tries to be. The father hallucination points out that Jim is wearing a mask of righteaousness and loneliness and that a true hero would rather protect others than himself; who knows his limits but isn’t afraid of failure and asks for help if he needs it. Jim says he doesn’t know how to be like that, so his father tells him to live by the code of Gordons... but the detective doesn’t remember what’s the code, because he’s been lost. Before his father dies in a car accident again, he tells his son to look at his ring; and that he’s proud of Jim.

Now, back in S2, when Gordon was under influance of truth serum and Hugo Strange gave him a little therapy session, we learned that the detective “hated his father’s strength”. In light of this hallucination, we know that he meant that it was partly because his father always seemed to be a better man than Gordon was in S2 and S3. The hallucination is also the forshadowing for the future subplot of Gordons being a part of Court of Owls and trying to destroy it from the inside.

Still, the hallucination sequences in The Red Queen give us an interesting insight into James Gordon’s mind. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Now, onto the Bruce Wayne’s hallucinations in Beautiful Darkness.

#RedHatMeg to her followers #James Gordon #the red queen #lee thompkins #barbara keen #Oswald Cobblepot #bruce wayne

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jennycalendar · 7 years ago

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irredeemable evil

ao3

so. nearly 6000 words set in a post-s2 au where jenny got turned, tortured giles for information about acathla, and was given her soul back with willow’s restoration ritual.

(i wrote almost all of this today...for...some reason...)

Jenny-the-vampire, no matter what the kids seem to think, wasn’t in any way bloodthirsty or vengeful; she was pragmatic and thoughtful and kept under the radar until it was time to come out again. She stayed indoors and bought pig’s blood from the butcher at night and waited and waited and waited until it was the perfect time to hurt Rupert. Jenny-the-vampire had a capacity for cold, calculating vengeance, and Jenny sometimes feels that angry hate burning in her. It’s terrifying.

She’s very, very quiet the first few days. Jenny-the-vampire had done a lot of talking, and it’s made Jenny hate the sound of her own voice. She remembers the silky cadence her voice had taken on as she’d cupped Rupert’s face in one hand, the way she’d mimicked her own breathy tones. How she’d kissed him, soft and insistent, and how he’d kissed her back unhesitatingly, his tears warm and wet against her cool skin.

Jenny. My Jenny. Please never leave me again.

Willow comes into Rupert’s bedroom (Jenny’s staying at his place for now) on the second day. “I found your soul spell after you left,” she says quietly. “I—I know that my using it on you wasn’t exactly what you had in mind, but—Giles needs you. We all do.”

Jenny doesn’t say anything.

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you,” Willow continues, with gentle compassion in her eyes that no part of this new Jenny Calendar can possibly deserve, “but you should know that Giles is really happy that you’re okay.”

“I’m not,” says Jenny. Her voice is hoarse from disuse.

Willow sits down next to her. Jenny can smell her, and she smells like food, and that’s so profoundly frightening that she all but jumps out of the bed, flattening herself against the wall. “Get out,” she’s saying, barely conscious of Willow’s hurt, teary-eyed expression. “Get out, get out, get out—”

Willow presses her lips together and runs, but she can’t even make it halfway out the door before she starts crying. Jenny can hear her sobs and listens to them die away. Emotions are beyond her capacity at the moment; it seems to be all she can do not to eat people.

Rupert comes in on the fourth day. As soon as Jenny sees the love in his eyes, she looks down at the blanket.

“I’m just—going to sit in here,” he says, and she hears the rustle of him taking out a book. She can’t look at him. The last time she looked him in the eye was when Jenny-the-vampire asked him, sugar-sweet, how to awaken Acathla. She remembers the hollow, broken look in his eyes when he looked back at her, like all the happy parts of him had gone with her when Angelus turned her. Jenny-the-vampire had had no vested interest in whether or not the world was sucked into a hell dimension; she was really mostly just interested in torturing Rupert.

He starts reading, soft and reassuring, as though Jenny’s some kind of wild animal he’s trying to tame. Jenny hates it, and looks up to tell him so, and sees the bandage on his neck. Her throat tightens as she remembers the taste of his blood, not coppery like it had been when Jenny-the-human bit her lip, but sugar-sweet and rich with flavor. She doesn’t know how she’s supposed to live like this.

She doesn’t know if she wants to.

Her Uncle Enyos had always said that vampires were creatures of irredeemable evil, and that the soul was given as a punishment, not as a chance at redemption. Jenny’s starting to kind of get why Angel was so miserable all the time. It doesn’t feel like a second chance to be here, especially when there’s suddenly all this guilt and grief tied up in all of her memories of Rupert. She wishes he hadn’t loved her, because then it would have been so much simpler.

More horrible than any of this is the fact that he loved her so much. He kept on reaching up, touching Jenny-the-vampire’s face with shaking hands. She’d broken two of his fingers, and he’d still looked at her with that same love and sadness. Jenny-the-vampire had hated it. Jenny (whatever she is now) hates it too, but for a very different reason.

“Pig’s blood,” says Xander, and sits down on the edge of the bed. Jenny doesn’t take the mug, nor does she study Xander’s face. Impassively, she thinks about the fact that she could jump out of the bed and snap his neck like a twig. “Come on, Ms. C,” he says, quiet and placating. “You have to eat sometime. Giles is worried sick about you.”

Jenny doesn’t look at Xander. She’s never understood him. Xander had hated Angel, but now Xander seems to treat her like she’s been struck down with some kind of strange affliction instead of being the latest souled vampire. Angelus 2.0, only Angelus had had a longer reign of terror than Jenny-the-vampire both times around.

“Ms. Calendar,” Xander says. His voice breaks. “We can’t lose you again. I know Giles can’t handle that. He—all that’s keeping him going is the thought of you someday being okay again.”

Nothing really feels real to Jenny. The room is Technicolor bright, but Xander’s voice is dulled as though she’s turned the volume down on him. Her entire body feels heavy, and she doesn’t know if it’s the vampire thing or the probable-depression thing (though depression seems too mild a term to describe the situation). She stares at the wall in front of her.

“You know, Angel already did the brooding thing,” says Xander with a nervous laugh in his voice, “but he wasn’t exactly starving himself.”

Jenny rolls over onto her side, sliding down in the bed until she’s lying with her back to Xander, and closes her eyes. She’s been doing a lot of sleeping lately.

She wakes up with Rupert stroking her hair and singing softly to her like she’s some kind of small child. She keeps her eyes closed for longer than she should, because she’s half-convinced that it’s a dream anyway. But then Rupert says her name, barely a murmur, and Jenny jerks awake and away from him.

Rupert spills the mug of pig’s blood all over the mattress.

Jenny stares, breathing hard and shaking. She won’t. She won’t make herself into a monster and drink blood to survive. She’d rather die than live out this punishment for the failures of Jenny-the-human. The woman Rupert loved is dead, and the vampire who wanted him to suffer is trapped. Jenny doesn’t know where she is anymore, but she knows that she can’t live knowing that the vampire is there too.

“I should change the sheets,” says Rupert finally, his voice quiet and sad.

Jenny just looks at him.

“Right,” says Rupert. He hesitates, then, “Jenny—is there anything I can do to help you?”

For a moment, Jenny’s almost afraid to say it. She forces it out. She’s nothing if not brave. “Kill me,” she says, meeting his eyes with nothing but firm sincerity.

The look on Rupert’s face is thousands of times worse than what she’d seen when Jenny-the-vampire had tortured him for fun. He stares at her like he can’t possibly believe what he’s just heard. “You know I can’t do that,” he says, his voice small and close to shattering. “Please—I just want you here with me.”

“Selfish of you,” says Jenny, and curls into the blood-soaked blankets.

Rupert pushes them off of her and reaches towards her, trying to pick her up and carry her downstairs. His shirt is stained with pig’s blood, and he smells like food, and Jenny is so, so hungry, to the point where she can feel the last threads of her control—her humanity—slipping away from her. She imagines snapping and killing him, killing the rest of the Scoobies in a desire to sate this thing living in her chest and forcing her to live with it. “I’d be dead,” she says. Her voice is small. “If you had staked me, I’d be dead, and—I wouldn’t have hurt you like I did.”

Rupert has a badly masked look of hope on his face. Jenny realizes that this is the most honest she’s been with him since she regained her soul. Maybe even before that. “It wasn’t you,” he says. “Jenny, please—”

“I won’t live like this,” says Jenny, wishing she could sound fiercer than she does. “I won’t ever risk hurting you again.”

There’s a silence. Rupert seems to be considering this. “Well,” he says, “if you’re worried about hurting me, you might consider the fact that you’re more likely to lose control if you’re starving.”

Jenny really doesn’t want to admit that he has a point, but he kind of does.

“Up you get,” says Rupert gently, leaning down and winding an arm around her waist so that he can pull her out of bed. He picks her up bridal-style, carrying her down the stairs, and Jenny focuses only on the way his arms feel around her. She doesn’t think about how hungry she is, or how easy it would be to take advantage of how close he’s holding her. None of that. None.

Rupert places her down on the couch and moves into the kitchen. It’s a strangely comforting feeling to be downstairs. She’s been up in Rupert’s room for at least a week, and everything has felt hazy and only halfway real. A change of scenery reminds her, in its own odd way, that she is present and existing.

Rupert comes out with another mug of pig’s blood. At Jenny’s look, he says, “Just a sip, all right?” in that low, soothing voice he uses when he reads to her.

Jenny closes her eyes, and takes a sip. It doesn’t taste like anything she’s had before, and if she closes her eyes, she can pretend it’s not blood. She’s thirsty, too, and all but snatches the mug from Rupert, gulping it down more eagerly than she wants to think about. She focuses on the taste and not on the situation. It doesn’t fix much of anything.

She opens her eyes, setting the mug down. It’s already halfway gone. Without a word, she leans back into the couch.

“Blood sausage,” says Rupert, sitting down next to her. “I-if you’re looking for some semblance of normalcy, blood sausage—human people eat that. I could eat it with you.” He gives her this soft, sweet little smile that makes Jenny want to reach out and kiss him, but she’s pretty sure that that’s not an option.

Or—maybe it is. Maybe Rupert-the-complete-idiot has already somehow forgiven Jenny-the-vampire for torturing him and drinking his blood. But then again, maybe this is all obligation, and the way he’s looking at her right now (hopeful, hesitant) comes from some kind of guilt that she’s like this in the first place. It would really be like Rupert to think something like this is somehow his fault.

“I guess,” says Jenny, and sets down the mug of pig’s blood.

“Jenny,” says Rupert, his voice patient but firm.

“I drank some.” Jenny keeps her tone flat and detached. “I’m not dying on you, England.”

Rupert’s smile falters.

“Not again,” Jenny amends.

Jenny hears Xander and Willow talking in low voices as they enter Rupert’s apartment. She rustles the blanket draped around her in an effort to remind them that she’s still here. They don’t take the hint.

“I just miss her, Xander, and I know that’s stupid because she’s back now, but I miss Ms. Calendar,” Willow’s saying.

“You were her favorite,” Xander says. Somehow the were cuts deeper than anything anyone’s said before—as though Jenny’s dead and gone and not listening from the couch. “Giles says he got her to eat, though, so that’s something.”

“Xander—” Willow’s voice catches. “Buffy and Angel and Ms. Calendar—I just—”

“Well, personally, I’m not all that cut up about Angel,” says Xander, a nervous laugh in his voice, “but we still don’t know that Buffy’s not okay.”

“Buffy?” Jenny echoes involuntarily.

Xander and Willow turn, wide-eyed. “Buffy,” repeats Willow tentatively, a new light in her eyes. She gives Jenny a wobbly smile. “Buffy’s…missing. How are you?”

Jenny wants to flinch away from the hopeful way Willow looks at her, the way she’d done so easily earlier. But she’s eaten now, and her mind isn’t clouded by panic and guilt, and it’s Willow standing near her, the bright-eyed girl who made jokes about programming and cried over every kid who ended up dead. She can’t hurt this girl again. “Getting better,” she says, not sure whether it’s true.

Willow’s smile stops looking quite as wobbly, even if the hesitancy doesn’t yet leave her eyes. “I brought you your laptop and a copy of Scientific American,” she says, sitting down on the couch next to Jenny and placing both items down between them. “And I’m trying to bring over some popsicles for the summer—I mean, I know you probably won’t taste anything as much, but the texture might be nice.”

“My little cousin used to eat ice chips for the crunch,” puts in Xander. “And if you want to get all toasty-warm, I bet Willow can make you some hot chocolate.”

“Xander, what if that burns her up from the inside?” Willow demands in a high, shrill voice. “I don’t know anything about vampire care!”

The absurd sweetness of the statement makes Jenny—it’s not actually much of a laugh, just that quiet, amused intake of breath that there isn’t really a word for, but it makes Willow and Xander both look at her with identical smiles. She finds herself smiling back, which is a little scary. She still doesn’t feel all the way okay, and they’re looking at her like she is.

Willow sets the laptop down on Jenny’s lap. “I brought you fun straws too,” she adds. “And some of your favorite mugs.”

“I can go warm up some blood,” Xander adds helpfully.

Tentatively, Jenny opens the copy of Scientific American. Her fingers linger on the little Post-It note stuck to the front page, where Willow’s written feel better soon! in bright pink pen.

“Lunch,” says Rupert, handing Willow and Xander sandwiches and Jenny a mug of pig’s blood. “Xander, kindly don’t get crumbs on my chair, thank you. Jenny—” He hovers, looking at her tentatively.

Jenny looks at him, then takes a sip from the mug, moving over slightly on the couch. There’s a spot for Rupert there if he decides he wants to take it, but she knows that he won’t. He needs a direct invitation, which makes her want to laugh; she’s the vampire, and yet Rupert’s the one with the best manners out of both of them.

Rupert sits down on the floor instead, seeming unbothered by how undignified this makes him look. “How is everyone?” he asks, though it’s clear there’s only one person he really wants to know the answer for.

Xander seems to catch this. “Everyone is drinking her blood and looks a lot better,” he says significantly. Jenny has to hide an involuntary smirk behind the rim of her mug.

Jenny finishes lunch, and then she slips into the bathroom and showers for the first time since she’d been brought to Rupert’s apartment. The water is warm, comfortingly so, and she’s much more aware of it now that she’s a walking corpse with no body heat. Thinking about that is kind of disturbing. She focuses on washing her hair.

There’s something really comforting about being in here by herself. She definitely doesn’t feel in peak condition (that’s what happens when you don’t drink anything for weeks), but she felt very much like an invalid with all the blankets and the fussing and the whispering. Standing here, she feels almost like things might someday be okay.

It’s nice to finally discard the gross vampire dress, too—a sky blue dress with white polka dots. Jenny-the-vampire wore a lot of pastels, possibly some sick twist on the fact that Jenny-the-human preferred darker colors (her thoughts drift to her favorite leather jacket; she misses that jacket a lot). It seems really fitting that Jenny-the-vampire would share Jenny-the-human’s love of irony. Jenny-the-whatever-this-is stretches, turns off the shower, and wraps herself in a warm, fluffy towel before stepping out of the bathroom.

She leaves the vampire’s dress in there. She feels like that probably symbolizes something.

Willow and Xander have already left when Jenny enters the room, but Rupert looks up from his desk, turning slightly pink. “Um,” he says, standing up and polishing his glasses. “Would you like a robe?”

Jenny adjusts the towel, self-conscious. “Yeah,” she agrees, looking away. “Do you have anything I can wear?”

Rupert hesitates, thinking. “I believe Willow brought you some of your clothing,” he says finally. “Fortuitously, I didn’t manage to finish sorting through your belongings after your death, so your clothing and your things are all at your home whenever you feel up to getting them.” He blushes. “O-or moving back to your home, of course. I wouldn’t want to assume that you’d choose to stay with me—”

“Okay,” Jenny says quickly. It’s still so adorable when he’s flustered, and she doesn’t feel ready to dwell on that.

Rupert heads into the bathroom, coming back with his blue bathrobe and draping it carefully around Jenny’s shoulders. His fingers brush her neck. Jenny’s still a little bit warm from the shower, a little bit flushed from the blood, and for a moment it feels like she’s alive again. But there are still a thousand things broken between her and Rupert right now. Thinking about it, it feels like most of their time together was spent fixing things between them. Something about that really hurts.

“Here you go,” says Rupert awkwardly. “You can change in the bedroom, I suppose. I’ll give you your privacy.”

Jenny nods and heads up the stairs.

There are a few of Willow’s oversized sweaters in the bag, and no sign of Jenny’s favorite leather jacket. She makes a mental note to ask Rupert or Willow about that jacket. Jenny rifles through the bag some more, finding one of her favorite blouses and the skirt she wore on the monster truck date with Rupert. She dries off and changes, combing her hair with a brush Rupert’s left on his dresser, and sits down on the bed, not quite ready to go downstairs again just yet.

“Are you finished?” Rupert inquires tentatively from downstairs.

“I’m decent,” Jenny calls back, lying back on the bed. She hears the sound of Rupert coming up the stairs, and sits up, leaning back on her elbows with her legs stretched out in front of her. Rupert draws in a sharp breath, looking at her, and she can see the desire and love in his eyes.

“I have to go out,” Rupert finally says, looking away from her with visible effort. “I won’t be back until tomorrow morning. I’ll call the children in to keep you company, all right?”

“Where are you going?” Jenny asks carefully.

“Looking for leads on Buffy,” says Rupert very quietly.

Jenny gets up, steps forward, almost touches him, stops herself, and simply replies, “I hope you find something.”

When the kids arrive, Xander plays solitaire with an old deck of cards and brings Jenny a cup of blood with one of Willow’s silly straws. After she’s finished the first cup and changed into some night clothes, he asks, “Do you know how to play poker?”

Surprised by this query, Jenny raises an eyebrow. “Do you?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking,” replies Xander, tossing Jenny his box of cards. They land in her lap, only narrowly missing the empty cup of blood. “Can you play poker?”

Jenny smiles slightly. There’s something wonderfully normal about this conversation. “I tried to learn when I was, like, seven,” she says, a faded old memory coming back to her for the first time in years. “The girl across the street wanted to learn too, so we tried to play together. It doesn’t really work as well with two people, I don’t think.”

“So we start a Scooby poker team,” says Xander. “But I guess that’s something for later. Are there any games you do know?”

Jenny tries to think of something vaguely child-appropriate. Most of the time she uses card decks for magic, if anything. “I know Crazy Eights,” she says finally.

“You’re not serious,” says Xander, giving her a look. “Crazy Eights is a little-kid game.”

“What, and poker is a big-kid game?” Jenny studies Xander with amusement, then adds, “I’ve been drinking everything through silly straws and I’m wearing one of Willow’s sweaters. I’ve got the little-kid thing covered.”

Xander blinks. “That’s Willow’s sweater?” he says in surprise. “I thought you were just going for the plaid-hearts look.”

Jenny throws the deck of cards at him. Xander catches it and gives her a cheesy grin.

Willow comes in from the kitchen, handing Jenny a new mug of blood and taking the empty cup. “Oz called,” she says happily, setting the cup down on the coffee table. “He says he’s going to try and come visit tonight.”

“Hi,” says Jenny shyly.

Willow smiles at her. “You’re looking better!” she says, sounding delighted by this. “A little more color in your cheeks.”

“Metaphorically speaking,” says Xander helpfully.

“We’re about to play Crazy Eights—” Jenny begins.

“We are not,” says Xander indignantly, “we can play poker when Oz shows up. I’m not having Oz come in to see us all playing Crazy Eights.”

“Oz played Crazy Eights with me just last week,” says Willow, taking the deck of cards from Xander and sitting down on the couch next to Jenny, “so we’re playing Go Fish, and you can leave your concepts of mature card games at the door, Xander.”

“Leave my—” Xander repeats with confusion.

“It’s an expression,” says Jenny as Willow deals cards. “She means there’s no place for them here.”

“It just sounds really weird in this context,” says Xander. “I mean—we’re already inside.”

This is when Rupert steps through the door, looking exhausted and more than a little battered. Jenny draws in a sharp breath, feeling a rush of worry and love. “Rupert,” she says involuntarily, and when Rupert’s eyes meet hers, she thinks she would have blushed if she had working blood vessels.

“You okay?” Willow asks anxiously, setting down the cards.

“I was following a potential lead on Buffy,” says Rupert exhaustedly, hanging up his jacket. “Took all night, and all I’ve got is a wild guess from a rather vicious cave-dwelling vampire.”

Jenny wants to get up off the couch and hold him. She wants to pin him against the wall and kiss him. It takes her a moment to realize that the thought of drinking from him hadn’t once crossed her mind, and something about that makes her feel a little better.

She still can’t bring herself to move towards him.

“You’ll find something out soon enough,” Willow reassures him, and Xander nods.

“I think I’ll make myself some tea and head out,” says Rupert with a perfunctory smile.

“Oh no,” says Jenny, forgetting about the fact that she’s a vampire and she tortured Rupert and she all but begged him to kill her. All that she thinks about (all that she lets herself think about) is that Rupert’s just come back late at night with a bunch of demon-inflicted injuries that he’s trying to ignore, and that’s happened enough for her to be thoroughly sick of it. She gets up, handing the mug over to Willow. “Xander,” she says, “get the first-aid kit. Willow, go up to Rupert’s bedroom and get his dark green sweater—it’s the softest one, it’ll work best for this. Rupert, get your vest and tie off, I need to check for bruising. You always get thrown up against walls, it’s ridiculous.”

No one moves. Everyone just stares at Jenny, eyes wide.

“I’m sorry, am I speaking Latin?” says Jenny tersely, words made sharp and angry by the sudden worry in her chest. There’s a gash on Rupert’s neck that she’s just noticed, and it has an odd greenish tint to it. “Because if I am, at least Rupert should be moving right now.”

“I think she’s getting better,” says Xander with a mixture of alarm and appreciation.

“You think?” Willow places the mug down next to the empty cup, heading towards Rupert’s bedroom. Xander throws a look over his shoulder before hurrying into the bathroom for the first-aid kit.

Rupert stands there, looking at Jenny as though this is the first time he’s really seeing her. He doesn’t say anything as she steps closer to tug impatiently at his vest. “Lift your arms,” she says with some exasperation, falling easily into the old routine. It’s better than thinking about how much things have changed. Less painful.

Rupert doesn’t move.

“Rupert—”

Without a word, Rupert pulls Jenny roughly into his arms, holding onto her like they haven’t seen each other in years. So we are falling into the old routine, then, Jenny thinks wryly. She feels a jump in her stomach, wants to pull away, but then she hears the small, broken noise he makes as he presses his face into her hair and she knows she can’t let go of him when he’s like this.

“Okay,” she hears Xander say. “Uh, should we leave them alone?”

“Let’s just leave the stuff here and go play cards in the bedroom,” Willow suggests.

Jenny nestles her head into Rupert’s shoulder and pretends that nothing’s changed. This close to him, it’s not that hard to do. “Hey,” she says, and she’s proud of herself for keeping her voice so steady. “Hey. Snobby. You’re gonna have to let me take care of you in a minute.”

“Jenny,” says Rupert in this small, broken little voice. It sounds almost like it did when he saw her for the first time in the mansion—

And there. The moment’s shattered. Jenny pulls away easily, her vampire strength kicking in. She wants to run outside and away, but it’s morning, and she doesn’t exactly have a death wish anymore (a realization that surprises her, but one that she doesn’t have time to dwell on). She doesn’t want to think about how many times she’s hurt him, how many different ways. She thinks instead that the bite she left on his neck might end up scarring both of them. “I can’t,” she says, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking down. She doesn’t know exactly what she’s saying she can’t do, but it’s comforting to have conviction about something.

Rupert nods awkwardly. “I—” He wipes roughly at his eyes with his shirtsleeve. “Damn,” he mutters, and hurries into the kitchen to make tea.

Jenny wants to tell him that she just wants him to not be hurting, she wants things to just go back to normal again, but she recognizes the hypocrisy in the statement. You make me feel bad that I don’t feel better—the difference, though, is that the Jenny possessed by Eyghon needed space, and the Rupert bitten by a vengeful vampire wants the person who hurt him to be there with him.

Jenny sits down on the couch and takes a long sip of blood from her mug. It’s weirdly comforting.

“Willow, I know this might be a long shot, but do you know where my leather jacket is?” Jenny asks tentatively before she goes to sleep that night.

Willow shifts a little on the air mattress (Rupert’s set up a sleeping space on the floor for the kids), bites her lip, and says, “I-I know how much you like that jacket, so when I was putting together a bag of clothing for you, I looked all over your place for it. I just couldn’t—”

Jenny shrugs. “It’ll turn up,” she says, snuggling into the couch. Rupert’s offered to let her take the bed, but she prefers it down here.

Jenny wakes up after the kids have left. She tries to make herself a cup of morning coffee, not really feeling like herself in Willow’s sweater. The coffee tastes okay. Not as strong as it should, considering how much time and effort Jenny put into it. Maybe vampires have some natural immunity to coffee. Jenny takes a sip, leaning against the counter, and pretends that she’s as human as the Watcher upstairs.

“Hello.”

Jenny jumps, nearly spilling the coffee. Carefully, she sets it down. “Hi,” she says tentatively. “You feeling a little better?”

“Not really, no,” says Rupert with a small, tired smile. He isn’t looking at her. “I miss you.”

Somehow I miss you is so much more painful than please never leave me again. Jenny lets her hand brush against Rupert’s. She stands shoulder to shoulder with him and doesn’t say anything. She gets the sense he has something he wants to tell her.

“What hurts me more than anything,” says Rupert very slowly, “is the thought that you might think my—attentions towards you—are only because of the way you died.”

Jenny can feel his eyes on her now, can tell that he’s trying to gauge her reaction. She keeps her face impassive, gaze straight ahead.

Rupert is silent for a moment, then says, “I love you.”

“I know,” says Jenny. “You shouldn’t.” Her voice breaks. “Rupert, I fucked up, I hurt you, and that isn’t erased just by the fact that I have some semblance of a moral compass again. That kind of anger still existed in me before I became a vampire.” She can’t look at him. “I can feel her in me,” she says. She’s shaking. “I’m not me anymore. She got here first.”

Rupert tugs on Jenny’s hand, and she turns without thinking. The love in his eyes makes her want to look away. “Were that the case,” he says, “I don’t think you’d fuss over me when I came home from patrol bruised and bloody. Perhaps I’m missing some crucial bit of the puzzle, but to me, that doesn’t seem like the kind of thing a soulless vampire would do.”

Jenny thinks about the way he’d looked at her in the mansion before he knew she was a vampire, smile bright and relieved. “You love me so much,” she says in a small voice, “and I just know that’s going to get you killed.”

To her surprise, Rupert starts laughing, placing a hand down on the counter and knocking over the coffee mug. Jenny’s coffee spills onto the counter and the kitchen floor, and she’s pretty sure that Rupert’s not just laughing anymore. “And that’s not what happened to you?” he forces out. He’s crying. “You told me—told me that day—and I turned and walked away—left you—”

“No,” says Jenny fiercely, stepping forward and forcing Rupert to look at her. “Hey. No. My death was never your fault.”

“You shouldn’t have loved me.”

“You shouldn’t still love me, you British idiot!” Jenny shoves Rupert, hard. He stumbles backwards into the wall, placing a hand at her waist to steady himself, and somehow, suddenly, they’re kissing, Jenny’s hands grasping at Rupert’s pajama shirt as she presses him against the wall. She doesn’t—can’t—think, only feel, Rupert’s hand grabbing at her leg and her mouth on his and he’s warm, soft, alive—

Rupert spins them around, lifting Jenny up onto the counter and sliding the borrowed sweater up, and it’s the warmth of his hands on her skin that brings Jenny some level of reluctant mental clarity. She pulls back. “We can’t,” she says.

Rupert lets his head fall forward, forehead resting against hers. “We never got to be in love,” he murmurs, still sounding a little shaky. “I want that. Desperately.”

“Me too,” says Jenny in a small voice, twining her arms around his neck. “Just—so many things are so fucked up. I want you to be safe.”

Rupert shakes his head. “I was safe,” he says. “I was safe, and I went home, and I found your body in my bed.”

Jenny feels something twist in her. She pulls back a little to look at him, eyes wide. “What?”

Rupert’s hands move up to take hers. “Angelus,” he says distantly. “He set up a nice little tableau. Roses, champagne, candlelight, and you as the centerpiece.” He looks up at Jenny, stroking her hair. “Believe me,” he says. “I know what it is to hurt the one person you wanted safe, and hear from everyone around you that it wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” says Jenny, feeling sick. She pulls a hand away, cupping his face and kissing him deeply.

Rupert breaks the kiss, looking at her with a gently pointed expression. “If you believe that,” he says, “why is it so hard for you to believe that it wasn’t you that hurt me?”

“You didn’t torture me!”

“Neither did you,” says Rupert with emphasis. “But you still had to see me hurting in front of you, and I don’t think you’ve ever really addressed how much that’s hurt you.”

“Pot calling the kettle black, England,” says Jenny. She tries to smile. “Maybe we can figure it out together.”

“Someone should have told me that Ms. Calendar’s back from the dead,” says Cordelia indignantly, breezing into Rupert’s apartment with Willow and Xander following. “I only found out because I called Xander and his parents said he was heading over to Willow’s, and then Willow’s parents said that she was heading over to help take care of Giles’s girlfriend, and then I put two and two together—” She stops, wrinkling her nose. “Oh my god, Ms. Calendar, did your fashion sense not survive the trip back from the afterlife?”

Jenny crosses her arms in Rupert’s button-down and realizes that Cordelia might have a point. “This was more of a romance thing,” she says, blushing a little at Willow and Xander’s incredulous looks.

“You know you could, like, lose your soul if you get a happy, right?” says Xander, sounding very much like he doesn’t particularly want to bring this up, but thinks he probably should.

“Xander,” says Jenny, smiling innocently, “we are inventive, creative adults.”

Rupert looks like he can’t decide whether to be pleased or mortified. Willow starts giggling nervously.

“I mean, still,” says Cordelia. “It would be different if Giles borrowed your clothing, because you have good taste, but this is just—”

“Oh—I did borrow something of yours,” says Rupert suddenly.

All eyes turn to him. “Wait, what?” says Jenny, startled.

Rupert winces. “It’s really just one item of clothing,” he says. “I-I took it from your home while you were missing. I thought that—that then you might find your way back faster. To get it back.”

Jenny smiles, reluctantly touched. What a dork. “Okay,” she begins. “What clothing—”

Rupert holds up a hand, hurries up the stairs, and comes back with something in his arms. Carefully, he drapes the leather jacket over Jenny’s shoulders.

Jenny hugs him, hard.

“Yes, dear, I love you too, but you’re preternaturally strong now,” says Rupert weakly, hugging her back.

“Hmm,” says Cordelia. “You know, she actually kind of makes that lame-o shirt of Giles’s work with that jacket.”

#fic #calendiles #jenny and willow #rupert giles #jenny calendar #willow rosenberg #xander harris

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san-bika · 8 years ago

Text

Battle for a Soul - Voltron fic

So this fic was brought on by rewatching the Azula and Zuko Agni Kai a couple (hundred) times. I cried writing it soooo Please listen to this on repeat if you feel like visualizing Keith and Lance and crying: Last Agni Kai or you can try Reconciliation from the ATLA soundtrack. Feel free to see this as a Klance or friendship fic.

The only other thing to know is that in this universe, the Paladins have evolved the powers of their lions and that Lance succumbed to his insecurities while Keith was acting as Black Paladin and fell under the sway of Haggar after he was captured.

Rating: T - violence, manipulation

Pairings: Klance (ish)

Length: 1687 words

Tags: S2 continuation, Black Paladin Keith, paladin powers, angst, manipulated Lance

Keith forced the fire in his veins to a dull roar, knowing that he needed Haggar alive, that one move of his sword at her throat would cause him to fail his mission.

And failure wasn’t something he would accept.

He rasped at the dark figure, “Give him back to us. Now.“

The witch smiled. "All you had to do was ask, halfbreed."

His hand twitched, correcting itself before something outrageous could happen, like Haggar’s head sailing across the floor. Still, she noticed the weakness and met his gaze, a farcical smile twisting across her thin face.

Keith kept his gaze impassive and tightened his grip. This was no cat and mouse game. One false move and she’d be dead and Lance’s location lost forever.

"I’ll call him over. Don’t do anything rash now. You wouldn’t like the consequences.” She turned and cackled into the hall, “We are ready for you, Paladin."

And Keith froze. Why was Lance just waiting for him? Why would Haggar let him roam free after months of imprisonment?

A curling wave of danger hit the back of his mind and rolled in his gut and he jumped back just as a spray of sharp ice shards shot out from the dark corridor.

A familiar figure strolled forward, tall and lanky just had he remembered. But no longer in the white suit of the paladins but the black and purple that he hated so much. He could barely recognize him.

Lance seemed ethereal, seemed lankier, like he hadn’t been fed, and looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. Considering Haggar had imprisoned him, both were likely. His hair was unkempt, falling into his eyes and long past his ears.

It could be an imposter if he didn’t instinctively know him, his aura, his quintessence. The part of them connected by Voltron and more, told him that this was their lost friend, shattered by the druids and remade into… something.

His eyes were the worst, like he wasn’t really seeing anything. Blue chips flinty and cold, no hint of warmth or humor.

And something else was off. Lance held himself tightly straight but as though his spine was twisted around itself. His head cocked at angle made him seem arrogant. He was not here as a friend.

As his face was lit up, Keith could see a cruel half-smile. "Keith, you’re not gonna fight back?” Lance bowed his head low and chuckled darkly. “Scared you’ll lose?" Keith lowered his bayard, fighting the wave of cold fear that overtook him.

"Lance, what are you doing? I don’t want to fight you!"

Lance looked up, eyes narrowed with something colder than hatred. It was hard to see in the strange Galran light, but it looked like he was faintly glowing, a dark aura surrounding him.

Keith glanced over towards the witch to see a similar glow surrounding her hands and that feral grin marring her face.

"Of course you don’t. Why would Voltron’s best bother with a second-rate cargo pilot, right?"

He took a step forward, raising his palms just as Coran and Allura had taught them to and the frost that Keith was so used to counting on in battle started to appear on his fingers.

He quickly put away his bayard and called on the lethal combination of powers he had acquired: controlling the air as the Black Paladin, and summoning fire as the Red.

He could barely stop himself from growling. "Lance, listen to me, please. Haggar is using you! She’s done something to you! Come back to Voltron! You’re ours! Our Blue Paladin! Open your eyes!"

Before he had finished he had to throw himself back to avoid the barrage of ice sent his way. Lance laughed again, panting even though he had barely moved. "But Keith, that’s exactly what she did for me. She opened my eyes to see that Voltron will NEVER need me when they have YOU!"

And Lance shut his mouth and ran at him, summoning a wave of dark water that Keith barely beat away with a gust of cold wind.

Before he could do anything, a second wave came from behind him and smothered him, wild currents pulling him to the ground in a whirlpool. Keith struggled, trying to hold as much air in as he could. He gathered his strength and moved his arms outwards to create a crest of fire, blasting the water away.

Without thinking he punched his fist out, shocked, and a funnel of red flames hit Lance on his chest, too fast to dodge. The former paladin fell a few feet away before he rose again, baring his teeth, eyes glittering dangerously.

Haggar hissed from her spot by the wall, "You see, don’t you, they want you dead! They want you gone, just as I told you.” Lance stood with his head down, trembling terribly for a long minute. He looked like he was fighting tears.

Haggar spoke again, “Quickly! Finish him before he kills you!"

Keith shouted out, "No, Lance, don’t listen!"

But it was too late, the other teen lifted his head out of shadow, sneering. He staggered forward, gasping, and Keith realized then that the aura he’d seen wasn’t imaginary. It was still there, darker and brighter at the same time, more tangible than before.

Haggar wasn’t giving Lance more power, more strength. She was stealing it from him, taking it from his very life force. That’s why Lance was stronger than he’d ever been…. and why he was falling apart, taking deep huffing breaths and barely keeping his balance as he threw out punishing attacks.

"NO! LANCE!"

It took all his strength to block the ice that flew at him, and even then some of it had stuck him through the thigh. Keith burned it away, ignoring the stream of blood oozing down his leg as he realized he’d need to overwhelm Lance if he had any chance of saving him.

But he didn’t have water, or earth, or plant life, something he could use to somewhat gently stun Lance. His weapons were all fury and danger. He could steal the breath away from him. He could burn him. And he’d have to or Lance would literally fight to his death.

Haggar was trying to kill Keith at any cost.

Keith dodged again, and again, and again. He had no choice and finally kicked out, creating a vortex of flame that flew too fast for Lance to dodge.

The paladin barely managed to erect an ice barrier but the fire licked up his arms and the sleeves of his armor briefly. Lance shrieked and stumbled back, before tearing at his clothes and screaming at Keith.

"I knew it,” he grit out, using his ice to briefly soothe his burning arms. Tears slid down his cheeks. and his face was twisted with anger and pain. “I knew she was right. That you all wanted me out. That YOU wanted me out!"

Lance laughed again, a bitter high-pitched wail that was almost a cry. Keith took a step forward before being forced back from Haggar’s lightning.

"It’s not like that. She’s killing you, Lance!” He felt droplets burn their way down his cheeks. He could barely speak from the smoke and ash, his own emotion drowning him.

Lance looked up slowly, his face lit with a grim smile and shattered eyes. Body swaying but voice soft and steady.

“Let’s end this, Keith."

No.

He grasped for anything, any memory to convince Lance that he was trying to save him, but the witch had a grasp too strong to fight: Lance’s mind was infected and had been over the months he’d been missing. It would take twice as long to heal him, save him from the darkness.

Keith could only pray that they’d make it out alive now.

And the battle began again, harsher and faster.

Lance attacked, fell, stood, was burned, and attacked again. He stopped talking and just stared with those accusing eyes.

No self-preservation, no defense, just careless aggression.

Keith teetered on the edge of panic. He had to save his friend. He had no way to save his friend. Shards of ice ripped into him, making sharp cuts and stabbing his face, his arms, his legs. Every hit from his fellow paladin carved into his heart.

Finally Lance raised a hand, cradling in it an orb glowing an eerie blue-white.

And Keith felt that instinctual warning not to let Lance attack with that. That the quintessence lost would finish Lance, forever, and possibly him.

So he took a long breath and pushed past all the distractions, past the worry whether Allura and Hunk had succeeded in rescuing Shiro, or whether Pidge, Coran, and Matt were fending off the Galra.

He found the fabric of his courage inside him and wrapped it around his heart in one moment. Then Keith let it go with a desperate scream, wrapping hot air around burning fire, creating a bomb and flinging it at Lance and Haggar.

As soon as he threw it, he could see the reflection in the pinpoint of Lance’s eye, the fear, and he ran after it, praying that the other paladin would draw an ice-shield up somehow.

But it struck the Blue Paladin too fast in a torrent of wind and flame. Haggar shrieked as the heat and fire washed over her too and he lost track of her, focused on Lance.

He was covered in burns, red shine and sooty skin on his hands, arms, and face, Galra armor seared off, and barely awake, barely alive.

He couldn’t move at all, and only cried out in anger, gasping, unable to stop from crying, the hurts in his mind as bad as his physical injuries.

Keith’s own voice was barely there, as he cradled Lance and rasped into his helmet. "Coran, we need immediate extraction. I-I’ve got Lance. But you need to hurry. It’s touch and go right now."

And he waited for his team, all of his focus on his friend, on the sighs and sobs, trying to sooth them with quiet hushes.

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