#gods know I embarrass myself with this

[varpusvaras]

Fox woke up with a dull headache and laying on the best mattress in the entire Galaxy.

He sighed. It had been a rough week. Someone could say that all of his weeks were rough, but Fox had very different parameters on what counted as rough anymore than most people. In that light, the past week had definitely been rough. It was a pleasant surprise to wake up with only a headache, and a manageable one at that, and not having to peel himself off of damp ground first thing after waking up.

Fox turned his head a bit more into the pillow. It had been a while since he had had the time to go meet Bail in the House. He had never slept the night there, but he had been into Bail's personal quarters a few times. It had always been like getting a little glimpse of what having a home with them would be like, and the times Fox had laid there on the bed, closing his eyes just for a moment, he had allowed himself to just dream of it and ignore everything that happened outside the walls of the room.

The linens smelled faintly of Bail's cologne mixed with the soft washing agent he preferred to use. It was Breha's favorite, and reminded him of home, he had told Fox, and Fox had used that knowledge to imagine how it would be to wake up next to her, in a time where he would have nothing to worry about anymore.

Fox breathed in the scent, and remembered that he was supposed to be dead.

Fox snapped properly awake instantly, every bit of his training kicking in all at once, and he jumped to sit up on the bed. That turned out to be a bad idea, since his back gave him a very intense warning not to move too fast in the form of searing pain coursing up his spine. It left him breathing rapidly for a moment, before whatever painkillers that were used to dull the pain this far started to soothe it over again.

Fox took another deep breath once he could, and with it came the rest of it. The fight, the explosion, hitting ground, and then- nothing. Nothing else between the last impact of hard ground beneath him and waking up in the Cantham House in Bail's bed.

This didn't make any sense. Or maybe it did, but not to Fox just yet. He needed to...he needed to find Bail.

Fox got all the way to pushing the blankets off of him when the door opened, and Bail stepped in.

There was a singular second, during which Bail stared at him, opened his mouth and immediately closed it again, and then he was hurrying up to the bed, crossing the entire room with only a few long strides, and then he was already wrapping his arms tightly around Fox.

Fox breathed in. It was a little shaky. Was he shaking? Bail was, just a little, Fox could feel it from how close to himself Bail was holding him. He pulled his head back in order to look him in the face. He couldn't see much, only the way how tightly set Bail's jaw was and how the corners of his mouth were turned down.

"Bail", Fox called softly. He didn't dare to speak any louder. It felt inapproriate, especially considering what he had done, how much it had probably hurt Bail and Breha and everyone else. This was too much, already, still having Bail hold him like this, and Fox didn't want to push beyond what he was given.

He both felt and heard Bail draw in a deeper breath as well, before he loosened his hold a little.

"Fox." Bail moved back, but only a couple of inches, still not letting go off Fox either. He pressed a soft kiss onto Fox's temple, and Fox had to fight his heart in order for it not to slam right into his throat. "How are you feeling, my love?"

My love. My love, my love, my love. The relief and the guilt that followed immediately after were so strong that Fox had to now fight the tears that were threatening to gather into his burning eyes. Bail was too good, way too good. Everything that Fox had done, and still he called him that.

"I'm..." His throat was dry, most likely not just from having emotions, and Fox had to swallow a couple of times before he got his voice to work. "Good. All things considered."

The explosion he remembered before everything stopped had not been just a little bang, and Fox was honestly surprised that he still had all of his limbs and his face intact. At least the armor had proven to be worth everything he had put into it.

"Good", Bail said. He finally leaned back enough that Fox could see him properly again. There was still some tightness left in his expression, but there was unmistakeably relief written all over him as well. "You gave me quite the scare there, you know?"

There was no accusation in his voice, but that didn't matter, because Fox was feeling guilty enough already all on his own.

"I'm sorry", he blurted. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

To make you think I'm dead. To hurt you. To make you grieve someone like me when there is so much already for you to worry about constantly.

"Fox." Bail's hand came to craddle his face. "I understand. You don't have to apologise to me."

"Yes I do." Bail was too good, way too good for someone like Fox. "I didn't want to make you think I was gone when I really wasn't. I just...I just didn't know how to tell you without anyone finding out."

He had wanted to tell him and Breha immediately. Making them believe he was dead had been outright nauseating, but with how close the Senate was to Bail all the time, and with how many players there whose alliances Fox still couldn't name for sure, it had seemed impossible at the time, and with so many other pressing things coming at him constantly, he had not had the time to even begin to plan how to contact either of them safely, and had resigned himself to the fact that it was better this way, anyway. If he got killed on his way down to the core of the War, they wouldn't have to grieve him twice.

"I know", Bail said. "I'm serious. I know you. I know that you wouldn't have done it if you didn't think it was necessary or if you couldn't find a way. We've all made sacrifices during this war. This was not the first, and it will not be the last."

He ran his thumb gently across Fox's cheek, and Fox finally gave himself permission to lean into the touch. He had missed this. He had missed Bail and Breha so, so badly.

"Thank you", he said.

The corners of Bail's mouth finally turned more upwards.

"You don't need to thank me", he said. He quickly glanced down at Fox's body then. "Do you need more medication for the pain? You were pretty roughed up when we found you, I am honestly quite surprised that you are managing this good."

"I'm good." Fox looked down on himself then as well. His arms were pretty much completely covered in dressings that if he concentrated smelled faintly of bacta. The same situation was going on with what surface area Fox could see beneath his shirt, and when he looked towards his legs, he could see that his left shin was encased in a more heavy-duty brace. The medication was really putting in some work, since Fox hadn't noticed any of it until now. "We're made to be much sturdier than we look. Wouldn't be much use in combat otherwise."

Bail shook his head a little, but didn't comment on it otherwise.

"Please do tell me if you do need something", he said instead. "I'm...I was afraid for a moment that I'd lost you again, before we got there."

That reminded Fox again of all the questions he had.

"How did you find me?" He asked. "Or, more importantly, why were you even there?"

Bail perhaps lacked the level of self-preservation that Fox wished he had, but going after someone who had been at the center of major conflicts on the planet for weeks now was a decision Fox didn't understand. They did have the same enemies, of course, but that had been all the connection Bail had had to whatever Fox had been doing. Personally coming after someone like that just didn't make sense.

Bail frowned a bit.

"Padmé and I figured out what you were most likely after", he said. "And I realised that you were walking into what was essentially a trap. I had come get you."

Fox opened his mouth to ask him why when it clicked.

"You knew it was me?" He asked.

"Yes", Bail answered immediately. "I've known since the first broadcast after you leaked the files."

"How?" Fox had put so much effort into making the armor cover all recognizable features of him. He had put so much effort into learning to let go and not fight like a clone. He had put so much effort on making sure that he would succeed in his mission, ready to denounce every part of himself in the process if he had to, to make sure that none of them could be used to track him down.

Bail looked him in the eyes.

"I told you already", he said, easily, unwaveringly. "I know you."

Such a simple answer, but one that made Fox's heart hammer hard inside his chest nevertheless.

"Okay", he said, because what else was he supposed to say to that? "Can I call Breha?"

Bail smiled at him.

"Yes", he said. "She's been waiting for you."

[waittheydontloveyou]

Hi. I’m cute again.

** Sob. I’m so scared. Trying to convince myself I have worth. That I’m worthy of a better love. That I’m strong as fuck. I know I’m as strong as or stronger than literally every single person I’ve met. Maybe it’s that. Or maybe I’m a sociopath?. Narcissist? Or maybe it’s true. Maybe I am fucking stronger than most. Maybe I can survive this. Maybe I can make things better. Maybe I am the change that’s needed. Maybe

[skunkes]

wears off in a month or so

[beargregor]

Chef greg delivery just for you. it's a wonder I hadn't bearified him yet, he's my fave greg too 🔪

gays literally only want one thing (to be chopped up and eaten by a depressed man) and it's fucking disgusting

[fluxweeed]

Hii, I just discovered your fics and am reading my way through them. Love, love, love the ones I’ve read so far.😊 I was just wondering what your favourite Draco is you’ve written, and what your fave Draco is in fics written by others? ☺️

ACK thank you!! what a question!! i've considered this v carefully and it turns out i have………a lot of thoughts. i will keep them under a cut so nobody is accosted with a full 700 words of my Draco Opinions 😂 so my quick answer is:

my fave draco i've written: the taste of țuică my fave draco ever: rookie moves by peu_a_peu

draco is an interesting one for me bc i don't really LIKE him? but i have sooo many feelings about him. really not sure i could summon the same fervour for harry, for example, who is my number one boy forever and always.

(i saw a thing once that said a pairing becomes ur otp when u relate to one of the characters and want to fuck the other one, and 🙈 i mean, i think you're supposed to relate to the gryffindor, aren't you. whoops.)

OKAY SO HERE'S THE UNHINGED DRACO MALFOY ESSAY BY FLUX W. EED.

listen. i love and respect people who are Refined Draco enjoyers. connoisseurs of redemption arcs. appreciators of majestic malfoy bone structure and ethereal grey eyes and soft windswept hair. fans of dracos who insult harry (with hidden affection) and who are a bit snobbish (in a rich, sexy way) but ultimately have realised the error of their teenage years and have become a better person. perhaps this draco has built a potions business and helps the aurors. perhaps he IS an auror. either way, he has a biting sense of humour, maybe, but he's a good guy.

unfortunately, the draco of my heart is a horrid mean little rat man.

i've never actually managed to write him the way i love him. i tried to aim for immoral bastardy in what's mine is yours but i got so caught up in trying to nail the feelsforbreakfast-style humour in the narrative that i ended up focusing much more on that and much less on writing genuine bastardhood.

i've written him as reserved and clever (in the four doors – this draco was written entirely for @jovialobservationanchor, who had a weak spot for closed-off academics with soft centres) and as a traumatised self-loathing mess (in two to lie and to some extent for lack of wanting and say no to this) and hopelessly sexually/emotionally horny for one harry james potter (in, um, most things) but i've never managed to capture the genuine cruel streak and flawed personality that is sooo so important to me.

WHICH IS WHY i picked țuică!draco for my favourite of the ones i've written. he's still a bit too emotionally intelligent to be Just Right, imo, but i think he's maybe the closest? he's unrepentantly rude to people. he's not attractive. and he has a streak of self-destructive fucked-upedness that is some form of wartime guilt, but certainly not a pretty one.

HOWEVER. rookie moves?? NAILED it. i adooored how genuinely fuckin MEAN he is, even tho he's an auror. i love love LOVED that he's kind of bad at his job in a way that's in complete opposition to how drarry!draco is often written these days:

The look on Malfoy’s face was not only troubling, Harry realized, but familiar. At once activated and dead behind the eyes, like an invasive species in an ecosystem that could not check it. It was the look of the meanest fucking teenager Harry had ever known, giving in to his urge to bully.

-

What Malfoy wasn’t good with was people. Despite his repeated insistences that his upbringing had equipped him with impeccable manners and a facility with society intrigue, the truth was that he rubbed almost everyone the wrong way. He was, undeniably, annoying. Witnesses were put off by his snide, dismissive tone, and he didn’t know how to coax out information with curiosity, warmth, or strategic silence.

that's not to say unrepentant cunt draco is the only one for me!! i DO enjoy the classic redeemed drarry draco!! i love a quirky draco, à la wwpwcs or maya's drop dead gorgeous. gallaplacidia's draco is sooo painful for me to read (complimentary) that even though i adore her fics, i still haven't read them all bc i have to space them out, for my health. and i'm sure there are dozens more dracos that i'm forgetting how much i like – basically, as long as he isn't super suave, absolutely gorgeous and/or obviously tom felton, i'm on board.

[moopiter]

This is my OC I've been keeping in my pocket for 2 months like spare change.

There arent enough truly overpowered supes. Like how they gave up writing Homelander being scary after S1? That's just too bad cause im taking it and sprinting.

Firecracker always just made me mad. Fuck it real Appalachia hillbilly representation.

Homelander needs real competition.

[candyheartedchy]

So uh… I might end up with a live action f/o…

[napping-sapphic]

You should make me fall so deeply in love with you that it’s embarrassing

[nevermeyers]

Hi. This is like my diary so I'm going to tell something I need to get out of my chest

Today I discovered that the boy I loved was cheating on me with the girl I thought was his ex (they never really left the relationship). He lied to me, he manipulated me for months, he betrayed me even if he told me everyday he loved me and gave me gifts. I sacrificed SO many things for him that listing them all feels so fucking embarrassing. I literally lost my job

I found out because I talked to his girlfriend (she didn't know anything about any this and was super angry) and she behaved terribly with me, she told me I was naive, she told me I was stupid, she started explaining to me how he kissed her and when was the last time they fucked. They are both so toxic. I was crying a lot and she didn't care, she didn't even flinch

I don't want to know anything more about him, or anyone. I'm not well. But this remains as a lesson in life and I won't forget it. No one is safe from being manipulated so be careful out there everyone 🍀

I'll try to move on, I need to move on. I need to throw away everything he gave me but I'm not sure I can... and that scares me so much. I'll do it eventually. I need to recover. I'm strong

❤️‍🩹

[housederiva]

Different anon here! I think it's because you said queer and not the whole lgbtq alphabet (which is stupid because like you said we are not a slur. And it's a great way for terfs to try to separate us once they know what neat little box they can try stuffing us into. There's nothing wrong with referring to yourself and the community at large as queer because that is what we are)

Aw man it was just homophobia? boooooo

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Truly sorry people have forgotten the whole "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything" adage. But also that others are sending you the not so nice things that are being said. Like, that definitely kinda sucks too. Best to you and focusing on things that make you happy!

Oh god everyone's being so nice now I'm so embarrassed.

You're very kind dear. Well the people sending me stuff are only sending me nice things! At least on the main post! But then there will be comments or replies that complain about it - oh I don't like them anymore because they wrote BT, etc.

(Side note - BT stands for BuckTaylor so people using it for BuckTommy - dear GOD please stop. The ship names are confusing enough with y'all picking like ten of them. Please. I am smol and confuséd.)

So the people sending this stuff are well-intentioned. I only meant to explain why (among many other reasons) I won't listen to the (again, well-intentioned) people who say oh my gosh you're missing out on all the kind things people are saying on these other sites! I appreciate all that kindness, really I do and I'm so very lucky to have such enthusiasm and such love for my writing. But I would honestly rather miss out on some of it if it means that I'm protected from seeing the more spoiled or bad faith actors. I have seen very very little 'discourse' over this whole ship war that's sprung up and I'm glad for that, but part of how I've avoided it is by purposefully staying very much in my lane, not go looking through tags, and honestly even deeply limiting who I follow.

Honestly I don't let it usually bother me. 90% of people are so kind and lovely, and I know that the people being angry are not the majority. And I doubt that most of the people complaining even view it as all that deep, they're just venting because they're annoyed and being overly dramatic as we tend to be in fandom because acting overly dramatic is how we do everything around here (hell knows I do it too). I'm just really struggling in my 'real life' and having a bad day so it just kind of got to me, especially since my next three fics are BuddieTommy and I won't be publishing any Buddie until Halloween, and I was feeling kinda low like great, I'm gonna publish these and people will talk shit I guess. Not fun! I gotta say!

But I am and will be okay. I honestly did not expect my inbox to explode the way it just did when I vented in those tags. I, uh, don't expect people to care? that much? which sounds bad but I just mean that I don't expect people to pay all that much attention to me. So it's very sweet that people are sending me love and support.

Thank you for your kindness and thank you to everyone else. I really don't want this to be a Thing so I'm answering all other asks privately. Thank you dears.

[lemonynuggets]

if I don’t headcanon all my favorite characters as aspec I’m gonna die

[pa-pa-patato]

Shoutout to my grandma!

Who upon coming home cause my dad died said “You should have spent more time with him”. Before hugging me!

Also shoutout to my mom who after I told this said.

“You can’t blame her she just lost a son she’s hurting more them you”. Thanks mom! That’s exactly what I wanted to hear after being vulnerable to you about it!

[skunkes]

ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

Oopsies my hand slipped and I drew this

[riftclaw]

one of my most inconvenient mental health Symptoms is i just suddenly become unable to make phone calls

i don't know why. put me in front of a human person and i will not shut the fuck up. phone calls? complete inability. sometimes the vyvanse can break through it but apparently we're in a shitty enough headspace lately that isn't the case rn

so i just fucking. got in the car and drove out to the mechanic to schedule a service bc i gotta admit it's probably better for me to get out of the house for a bit also