#god... they're such a loser

[camillathe6th]

OC Speech Mannerisms: TAKE TWO

I'm so sorry for this--we didn't need a third one, but I'm jumping on @punkranger's invitation and running with it. I won't tag people because at this point I'm just spamming, but if you're into it do it for your OWN (@/yugocar I saw you and I would like to see your OCs)

Anyway, this is my creature for a coming DnD campaign; his name is Astrit (you can call her Ass, Tits, Asstit, Asshole, Assface, Titbrain, you get me), they're a Yuan-ti and a Pact of the Fiend failcringe Warlock, and generally a jerk (they're a noble, of course they're a jerk) (sorry, was that biased?)

The art below is, of course, by Punk, whose art fucks all the way to the moon and you can find @punkrangerdraws

SER ASTRIT OF ESELEMAS

NO. OF SPOKEN LANGUAGES: 1 / 2 / 3+ (Yuan-ti, Common, because they have to talk to COMMONERS, ugh, Draconic, Infernal)

TONE OF VOICE: high / average / deep (fairly mid and slinky, but liable to slide into high pitch when they throw a tantrum, which might be 75% of the time)

ACCENT: Yes / No (I mean. They hiss their s's, obviousssly.)

DEMEANOUR: confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other (haughty as fuck)

POSTURE: slumped / straight / stiff / relaxed (very good, fencer training posture: straight-backed, high chin, wide stance, with a foot ready to slide perpendicularly at the drop of a hat. That's what an education GETS YOU @/ANGLER you pathetic los--)

HABITS: head tilting (up) / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering / gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing / hands at hips (and quickly at his rapier) / inconsistent eye contact / maintains eye contact (aren't you going to lower your eyes in the face of the Slitherer Supreme's Ambassador amongst Wo/Men?) / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at a distance (probably because you smell)

COMPLEXITY

VOCABULARY: ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤

EMOTION: ⬤⬤⬤⬤〇 (Oh he emotes alright. Much too much for a Snake, if you want her dad's opinion. And probably her god's opinion, if that guy wasn't busy having a life)

SENTENCE STRUCTURE: ⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤ (Please. They went to Snake School. They can syntax their way out of a sentence like they were born to it and it serves them never)

PROFANITY

FREQUENCY: ⬤⬤〇〇〇 (they prefer scathing insults built on multi-syllable metaphors)

CREATIVITY (in regards to profanity): ⬤⬤〇〇〇 (points for creativity, but not for profanity)

BOLD ALL THAT APPLY: arse. ass. asshole. bastard. bitch. bloody. bugger. bollocks. chicken shit. crap. cunt. dick. frick. fuck. horseshit. motherfucker. piss. prick. screw. shit. shitass. son of a bitch. twat. wanker. pussy. Coxcomb. Fopdoodle. Gutter-Bather. Slow-Wristed Knave.

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

DO PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING OR UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHARACTER? - almost always / frequently / rarely / never (oh you'll hear and understand her (threat))

DOES YOUR CHARACTER'S INTENDED POINT COME ACROSS EASILY WHEN THEY SPEAK? - almost always / frequently / sometimes??? / rarely / never (points lost because his party's cumulated INT points hover around a measly 8 and I'm second guessing the syntax answer rn)

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER INITIATE CONVERSATIONS? - almost always / frequently / sometimes / never (depends. Are you rich?)

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE THE ONE TO END CONVERSATIONS? - almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never. (You're DiSSSSmiSSSed!!!)

WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE 'WHOM' IN A SENTENCE? - yes / no / only ironically (of course because that's the only pronoun you should use when the relative pronoun is the object of the relative clause, were you raised in a BARN?)

YOUR CHARACTER WANTS TO MAKE A COUNTERPOINT. WHAT WORD DO THEY USE? - but / though / although / however / perhaps/ mayhaps / are you STUPID???

HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER END CONVERSATIONS? - walk away (with an elegant swish of their capelet, bonus points if the capelet hits you in the face) / ask if that's everything / say that's everything (You're DiSSSSmiSSSed!!!) / give a proper goodbye (lmao no) / tell their company they're done here / remain quiet / they don't.

WHAT SOCIAL CLASS WOULD OTHERS ASSUME YOUR CHARACTER BELONGS TO, HEARING THEM SPEAK? - upper / middle / lower (almost as upper as the stick they got stuck from ass to skull)

IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE WAY YOUR CHARACTER SPEAK STAND OUT TO OTHERS? - accent (snobby, snakey) / vocabulary (flowery) / tone (haughty, usually mean) / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn't

[yashley]

As you all step out, what do you see?  (episode 111 spoiler:)

[rainingcatsandjune]

i've been hyperfixating on sam for only a week after my friend introduced me to him but rahdfjksgsjdifgkfjgh kjfgsdfgh im so obsessed

i hope the fanbase on tumblr accepts these sam doodles

(the dentist one is what i made right after listening to sam's imperium audio ASHDAJHDF i have not watched the rest of imperium besides his video oml)

[flufflecat]

this is the most beautiful creature on earth and I will kill someone if it asks me to

[be-queer-do-arson]

I cannot BREATHE the concept of kevin and thea passing notes through jean like third graders is killing me. Do you think he had to hear kevin kicking and giggling as he composed them. Did they fold them into little hearts. Are we going to get a whole paragraph in tsc of jean bitching about how kev and thea made him third wheel so it wouldn't like like a date. The possibilities are endless and I am living for it

[bi-focal12]

i watched that hallmark movie "three wise men and a baby" with my mom tonight and had this little bkdk brain worm. please enjoy.

bkdk meet cute (but really it's a meet awkward) (they make it work)

“I cannot fucking believe you’re doing this to me.” 

“Doing what?” Denki replied glibly, palming through a handful of bills as he checked and rechecked the cash register in front of him. 

Katsuki leaned forward, bracing his hands on the thin stretch of countertop separating them, gratified to notice Denki taking a small step backward.  

“Ruining my fucking life.”

Denki sighed, lowering his hands as he finally turned to meet Katsuki’s gaze. “It’s just for the day,” he promised, “and you lost rock paper scissors fair and square!”

“I didn’t know the stakes!” Katsuki shot back. 

Denki rolled his eyes as he pushed the cash register closed and ducked behind the counter, returning with the source of the awful squawking that had been invading Katsuki’s eardrums since the second he set foot in Denki’s stupid bookstore. 

“Sir Papolapodous isn’t even that much work.”

“Sir what?”

“Welcome in!” Denki called, responding to the chime of the front door while Katsuki continued to stare down the bright yellow monstrosity being carted off on him for the afternoon. 

As if sensing its imminent doom, the bird began messing with the door to its cage.  

“Just watch out,” Denki continued, “sometimes he likes to-”

Katsuki ducked as the bird launched itself out of the cage. 

“...escape.”

“What the fuck?” Katsuki shouted, pressing his knuckles to his cheek where the damn thing had scratched him. His fingers came back bloody. “Oi, I’m not watching your stupid flying machete for-” 

“Here!” Denki said, hastily rifling into another bag sitting on the countertop and retrieving some sort of pellet thing that he balanced on Katsuki’s shoulder. “He’ll come to you! Watch!”

Katsuki froze. “Hey, I don’t want that thing anywhere near-”

“Sir Papolapodous!” Denki cheered happily, eyes somewhere beyond Katsuki’s right shoulder. Katsuki tensed. 

The demon landed easily on his shoulder, snatching up the pellet and chirping loudly in Katsuki’s ear. Like a threat. Right beside Katsuki’s vulnerable, jugular-having throat. 

“Aw,” Denki cooed. “He likes you!”

“I’ll roast him,” Katsuki warned. “Don’t you leave me with it.” 

Denki gently pushed the bag from earlier towards Katsuki. “I left you instructions.”

“Stab. Pluck. Spin over fire.”

The bird nudged Katsuki’s cheek and Katsuki flinched away, jerking his shoulder to dislodge the pest. 

The bird ignored his efforts. 

“Seriously, Katsuki,” Denki whined, pressing his palms together, “I need to go to the dentist but I’ll be back before close and- hey, maybe some of the customers will get a kick out of seeing him!”

“Yeah, if they like their books covered in shit,” Katsuki complained. 

“No, no, he’s cage-trained,” Denki promised, untying his worker’s apron and hanging it up behind the counter. “Take good care of my son please!”

Katsuki made a face of utter disbelief. “Hey, I agreed to watch your stupid store, loser. Not to become a fucking Wild Kratt!”

Denki quickly hopped over the counter and out of Katsuki’s reach. 

“Two in one package!”

The bell rang loudly in Katsuki’s ears as Denki completed his cowardly retreat. 

“Fucking asshole,” Katsuki muttered. “Cavity-ridden, dead-brain, no-good, ass-”

“Excuse me?” someone said politely. 

Katsuki spun on his heel- perhaps a shade too quickly, or perhaps with too much bird launching off his shoulder because the customer fell flat on their ass with a startled shout, leaving Katsuki awkwardly looming over them. 

“Ow.”

Belatedly, Katsuki leaned down to offer his hand. 

The demon watched them from atop the nearest shelf of books. 

“I- I’m so sorry,” the guy stammered out, straightening his wire-rim glasses and reaching gratefully for Katsuki’s hand. “I- I really wasn’t expecting that.”

“‘S no problem,” Katsuki replied, curiously shelving the guy’s meekness next to his solid, heavy build as he hauled him up. His hands were incredibly scarred and calloused for someone who jumped at the sight of house pets- demonic or not- but Katsuki supposed he’d give him a pass, considering Katsuki’s own near-death experience was still dripping down his face. “Don’t think anybody expects to get dive bombed by a parakeet on a Sunday morning. Unless you’re a fucking vet or something, I guess.”

“That- that’s true,” the guy said, stumbling a bit as Katsuki righted him, one hand landing briefly on Katsuki’s chest. 

With his head ducked in embarrassment, the guy only came up to Katsuki’s chin but even so, he looked like he could give Katsuki a run for his money on the sparring mat. Katsuki was just about to ask what kind of workouts the did when the guy murmured, 

“Pecs.”

Katsuki blinked. “Pecks?”

The guy’s head snapped up towards Katsuki’s, wide-eyed and pale in his freckled face. 

“God dammit, did that thing fucking peck you?” Katsuki groaned, turning to glare at the preening beast. “‘Cause I can give you a fucking discount on whatever you came in here for before I string him up by his stupid little talons.”

“Wha-? Ah, no! No, no, no,” the guy assured, frantically waving his hands in front of himself. 

Large hands, Katsuki noticed. One of which had been resting warmly over Katsuki’s shirt a moment ago. 

“That won’t be necessary!” 

“Then why’d you-?”

“Pet!” the guy corrected, freckles now washed out by a steady shade of pink. “I’m a…pet…” His eyes darted nervously to the left before snapping back to Katsuki. “...therapist.”

His eyes were a very fucking bright shade of green. 

Katsuki blinked slowly as he registered the words that had come out of Greenie’s mouth- taking in the embarrassed tilt to the guy’s lips. His fitted T-shirt. His obnoxiously bright red shoes. Frankly, he looked like he got dressed in the dark. 

Katsuki wet his lips. “A pet therapist,” he repeated blandly. 

“Ah..mhm,” the guy said, nodding. “So, um, so the dive bombings really aren’t that odd,” he added, tacking on an airy laugh. 

Katsuki continued to stare at him, because clearly one of them had taken on major brain damage in the past five minutes, and considering that this guy’s shirt said tuxedo and had a growing hole along the shoulder seam, Katsuki really hoped it wasn’t himself. 

The man gestured vaguely to the shelf behind him. “That’s really a lovely bird you’ve got there, um…?”

“Katsuki,” he supplied. 

“Izuku,” the man smiled, offering out his hand. “Izuku Midoriya.”

Warily, Katsuki shook it. “...Pet therapist,” he repeated. 

“Yup!” Izuku said in a high voice, smiling wider. “That’s me. Therapizing the pets.” 

“Right,” Katsuki replied, because what the fuck was even happening, “well, if you’re looking for a book, we uh…have them.”

Internally, Katsuki cringed. Then he sent a seething, telepathic complaint to Denki because Katsuki had been fired from his one and only customer service job at fifteen and the universe had never made the mistake of putting him in that position ever again for a reason.

Fucking rock paper scissors. 

“Right,” Izuku mimicked, his thousand-watt smile pressing flat with amusement. His stupid green eyes were practically dancing with mirth and Katsuki suddenly felt very warm in the face- alone in a bookstore with a yellow, dive-bombing demon and a man with a fake-sounding job and no sense of color coordination and a very firm handshake. 

Katsuki crossed his arms over his chest, ever so slightly jutting out his chin. He could still feel the outline of a hand where the guy had caught himself against Katsuki. 

“What kinda book does a pet therapist need, anyway?”

The guy continued to blink up at Katsuki for a moment before coming to his senses with a startled, “Oh! I was wondering if you had any comics, actually. All Might, specifically.”

Katsuki raised an interested brow, looking between something-Midoriya, the demon from hell, and then Midoriya again. 

Katsuki had absolutely zero idea what sorts of books Denki had in stock, let alone if he carried the single most greatest graphic novel series of Katsuki’s youth. 

Still, he clicked his tongue. “Let’s find out.”

[misteria247]

Yo but like what is Pacifica was assigned to be Bill's parole officer. Like she'd be older and so done with everyone's bullshit and then you got Bill who's a little shit.

Idk I just think it'd be funny if done right.

[x-letsbreaksomerules-x]

happy valentines day and shoutout to the gay people who live in my mind rent free

[ailius-suffers-through-art]

🌸 Falling into you 🌸

[maegalkarven]

Also funny how while Ketheric is my least favorite villain from the Dead Three Chosen, he def is the one I respect the most.

Orin and Gortash are just problem children with behavior issues and delusions of grandeur. Ketheric tho? He just wanted his daughter back.

[kittehbiscuits]

I keep rewatching this stupid movie it's been 6 times so far please tell me I'm not alone

[sincerelyhecate]

.

10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 critical psychic damage dealt to tumblr user sincerelyhecate's psyche every time he sees a post alluding to jason grace's fate in TOA

[sga-owns-my-soul]

ronon and teyla: john is such a fucking nerd

rodney: no he's so cool and suave and charming and a flirt and gorgeous and talented and good at everything and-

elizabeth and carson: no he really is a giant fucking nerd like we love him but he's kind of a dork

rodney: he's so amazing everyone wants him sooo badly people throw themselves at him-

anyone who has ever made a move on john: we literally are just using him to get something for our people he was convenient at best

rodney: such a kirk i can't believe it he's so hot and so cool and everyone wants him and he's so popular and-

john himself: rodney i'm literally such a dork what are you even talking about

rodney: but no im not in love with john that's stupid we're just friends

[cartoonsbyandie]

-

[monards]

the way dain refers to them as the 5 sinners of khaneri'ah even though in almost religion or religious concept to include the idea of sin it's an established point that all humans are inherently 'sinners' due to being human im going insane

[tyrannuspitch]

people are always ridiculing the idea of exclusively gay people and nonbinary people having *actual conversations* about gender and orientation to work out if they're compatible, as if attraction that is anything less than instinctive, instantaneous and sharply binary makes a mockery of Real Homosexuality. meanwhile cishet people going on multiple full-on *dates* to work out if they're "really into" each other is the most normal thing in the world