#god... fuck man!!!! i dont want to fucking do anything now
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IM BACK I DONT KNOW IF IM ALLOWED TO REQUEST TWO FOR UR 5K CELEBRATION but can u do a smut with rafe where he does the bull rider position and reader FLIPS the fuck out LMAO
let me just say… if a man tried this shit with me he’d end up choking on his teeth once i got him off me🤠
CW: smut! 18+ only! strong language, bull rider position (really just doggy but the bull rider name has a meaning behind it lmaooo), piv sex, rafe is a diiiick for this😭 slightly angsty? idk.
all 5k moodboards/blurbs here!
“oh god, rafe! don’t… don’t stop, fuck!”
rafe picks up his pace, his hands tightly gripping at your hips as he brutally pounds himself inside you. your pussy clenches around him, squeezing at his dick tightly. rafe loosened his grip on your hips, wrapping his strong arms around your waist, squeezing as he leans forward, pressing his front against your back.
you feel the warmth of his breath against your neck, his lips ghosting across the shell of your ear. he slows his pace, pulling his cock out of you until only the tip is left inside, forcefully slamming himself forward. you suck in a sharp breath, so close to the edge you could scream. rafe nips at the lobe of your ear, repeating his actions before his raspy voice flows through your ears.
“your best friend fucks better than you…”
the words slam into your head, anger rushing through your veins as rafe squeezes his arms tighter around you, laughing as you buck and fight, trying to push him off you.
“what the fuck did you just say?” you buck, your arms flying behind you and gripping at his arm, nails digging into the skin as you try and pry him off you.
rafe continues laughing, picking up the pace of his hips again, the head of his dick repeatedly hitting at that spot inside you that had your toes curling and knocking the breath out of you, but you’re too angry to even think of the pleasure he’s bringing you right now. you want him off of you. now.
“oh c’mon, baby. stop fightin’ me, cum on my cock like the good girl you are.. ‘m so close, you still want me to fill this pussy up with my cum?”
you claw at his arm, bucking your entire body as you try and fight him off of you, but it’s no use, rafe is too strong, and his grip around your waist tightens with each thrash of your body. you’ve been with rafe for six months, and he’s never once pushed you the way he just did. when did him and your best friend even fuck? did he mean what he said?
red, hot anger flashes through you again. gathering your strength, you begin to fight him harder, needing him to get the hell off of you.
“rafe! i’m so fucking serious if you don’t get the fuck off of me, i will fucking kill you!”
rafe’s laughter fills the room, making the anger you feel grow. he thinks this is funny?
“stop fighting, baby. you’re turning me on, i love it when you’re angry.”
tears fill your eyes as you continue to fight him, pushing, bucking, clawing, doing anything you can to get him off. finally, you dig your nails into his forearm, making him loosen his hold just enough for you to shove him off of you. you scramble off the bed, quickly grabbing his oversized t-shirt off the ground and tossing it over your head. you cross your arms over your chest, eyes narrowed as you face him.
he has an amused smirk on his face, his tongue pressing into his cheek.
“oh don’t look at me like that, baby..” he says, placing his large hands on his thighs as he levels you with his own glare.
you scoff. “you said my best friend fucks better than me. while you were fucking me! what the fuck is your problem?!” you shout, stepping toward him and slapping him across the face.
rafe’s head whips to the side, a low laugh escaping him as he slowly turns his head to face you again. he stands from the bed, and you shrink into yourself a little, shaking your head at how ridiculous you look, you’re not afraid of him. you stand straight, stepping into his body, your chest brushing against his.
“god you’re so sexy when you’re mad.”
you lift your hand to slap him again, but he catches your wrist mid-air, holding it in place and squeezing. you wince at the pain, but you don’t back down.
“fuck. you. rafe.” you say slowly, trying to jerk your hand from his hold.
he pulls you into him, wrapping his arms around your waist and holding you tight. he runs a hand down the back of your head, placing a kiss to the top of it before he says, “baby, it was a joke. i haven’t fucked your best friend, i just..” he stops, laughing as he tries to explain. “i just saw some shit online and wanted to try it out, wanted to see how much of a fight you’d put up.”
you gasp, trying to pull out of his hold, but he squeezes you tighter, not allowing you to pull away from him.
“i’m sorry baby, i shouldn’t have done it, but goddamn you’re so sexy when you fight me. your anger turns me on.”
you fight against him again, not wanting him to touch you. joke or not, it’s still fucked up and you’re so pissed at him you just want him to leave you alone for now.
“that’s not fuckin’ funny, rafe! i’m so fucking mad at you right now! i don’t even want you around me! let me go!” you shout, tears filling your eyes as you try and fight out of his hold.
rafe releases you, allowing you to step back. his face softens when he sees the unshed tears filling your beautiful eyes. “i’m sorry baby, i shouldn’t have done it, my fault.”
you roll your eyes. “your apology means shit to me right now.”
rafe sighs, grabbing his boxers off the ground and sliding them on. he tries to step toward you, but you take a step back, shaking your head. “no. you should go. i’ll call you later.”
“baby-”
you throw your hand up, stopping whatever he had to say. “no, rafe! i’m serious just fucking go! i’ll call you later once i’ve calmed down.”
rafe runs a hand through his messy hair, quickly getting dressed before he grabs his phone and moves to leave. he faces you one final time, opening his mouth to say something but ultimately deciding against it. you stand in the middle of your room, watching as he walks out.
tagging some moots: @starkeysbabygirl @starkeysprincess @rafesthroatbaby @oceandriveab @httpsdrewstarkey @drewsephrry @babygorewhore @bloodibambiidoll @rafeyscurtainbangs
#kay’s 5k celly💞#rafe cameron#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x reader#rafe fanfiction#rafe smut#rafe angst#rafe fic#obx#rafe obx#obx smut
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I wanna be your lover | seok-jin one shot
this is my first one shot! sorry if its too short or long, i just really liked this idea.
pairing: f!reader x seok-jin (they are fwb)
Word count: 1.4k
!!THIS CONTAINS SMUT!! THIS IS ONLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES! I DO NOT PERSONALLY THINK OF BTS THIS WAY, warnings below!!
warning(s): drinking, possessive jin, hides his feelings for reader but he sucks at it and its adorable. jin and reader are fwb, jin wants something more but reader doesn't (or does she?), f1ngering, making out, unprotected s3x (pls be safe guys), jin goes down on reader, blowj0b, doggystyle, r1ding, edging, jin has a kink for doing stuff in public, lmk if i forgot anything!
You and jin have been seeing eachother for about 5 months now, but because hes on tour, youve barely been able to see him as much. so it wouldn't hurt to see someone else right? Maybe the bar your going to will have someone that you can quickly get dick from, nothing more.
You put on your sluttiest dress and a thong that can be quickly torn off if it needs to be, but what didnt help was that jin bought it for you. you do your hair and put your heels on and make your way out the door.
You arrive at the bar, quickly looking around to see if you can plot on someone. You see this handsome man sitting at the bar, drinking. You decide to play the 'innocent girl whos never drank before' act and go to sit next to him.
"Hey, ive never seen you here before, are you new or something? want me to buy you a drink?" the man says to you. "Yeah, i never drank before, i dont even know where to start. Names Y/N by the way" you reply to him, chuckling. "oh nice, name is jungkook. nice to meet you Y/N."
Many drinks later, you are feeling very tipsy. Jungkook looks at you with lust in his eyes and puts his hand on your thigh, slowly reaching up your dress. "Damn, no wonder you never came here, people wouldnt know how to react with you." he says before slowly putting his lips up to yours.
You got him. You got him around your finger now. Nows your time to take him home and quickly get it over with. You pull back from jungkook and say, "wanna take this back to my place?" as you put on a smile that could make any man melt at the sight.
"I dont think so, princess." a familar voice says behind you. Fuck, its jin, you are, so. fucked. Jungkook looks up at the man and says, "Damn, You couldve told me you had a boyfriend, or else i wouldnt have even talked to you." he says while walking away. You turn around and say, "Jin what the fuck?! you cant just stalk me like that. Considering i haven't even seen you in 2 fucking weeks. God forbid i get some dick that isn't yours, because i know damn well you got pussy whenever you wanted on your tour." "I didnt actually, all i could do was think about you and the way you used to ride me before i left. Its been way to long without you baby. Do you know how hard it was to not go to the bathroom in the hotel and not jerk off to the thought of you? Ive been missing you and the area between your legs."
"Even still jin! im not your property and i cant just not see anyone whenever im horny and only stick to you. I need to see other people." you say while fighting every urge to not just run out of the bar. "Oh really? Keep those words then. Ill make sure to fuck that attitude out of you." He says while having a look in his eyes that creates a puddle between your legs. Fuck, you could barely keep yourself together, trying to hide the fact thats all you wanted. You wanted him, his dick, and his heart. You wanted to belong to him. And he wanted the same, he wanted you to belong to him. The fire that was between you two wasnt gonna go out anytime soon.
He grabbed your hand and went to the nearest bathroom in the bar. He pushed you against the wall and started attack your lips with his. You couldnt even fight him, you missed him so much deep down that you felt so empty without him inside of you. He props you up onto the sink and holds you by the waist, making his way up to your core. He felt the thong you were wearing and sutomaticly knew it was the one he bought you.
"Wow, you were even gonna try to fuck someone else while wearing this thong i got you while i was away. God, your such a slut arent you?" He said while rubbing your thigh. Before you could even answer he put his finger onto your core. He could feel how wet you were. "Cmon baby, tell me how much of a slut you are, use your words my love." You couldnt even reply, because of his fingers sliding up and down your core. You could only reply with stutters and moans.
"Y-yes jin, im a slut. O-oh god, please. I wont do it again, just please fuck me already." "Oh im sorry? you wont do what again? can you repeat that Y/N?" he asked, and god. the way he said your name, it made you on the brink of cumming and he hasnt even done anything yet. God, you were so in love with this man.
"J-jin please i wont do it again, i wont go to anyone else. only you, a-and if you arent here then ill have to wait. O-oh god.."
He brought up his fingers and said, "Good girl. Now im gonna give you a fucking so good and show you who you belong to." He picked you up and tossed you on his shoulder and walked you out of the bar.
Once back at your place, he tossed you onto your bed and ripped off your dress. He slid his hand down your chest and played with your nipples, which made them hard instantly. He brought his head down and sucked on the left nipple. You were moaning and panting so much that someone wouldve thought you were about to cum. But not jin, he could read you like a book and he knew that these moans were filled with love and lust. He let go of your nipple with a pop and went down to your legs.
He slid off your thong carefully and spread open your legs. "O-oh god jin, please. im so desperate." You said as he looked at you from between your legs. "Oh baby, your in for a night" he said as he started licking your core. He sucked and licked so good that you were seeing stars in your eyes. He was teasing your entrance with his tounge and it made you even more desprate, forming tears in your eyes.
You could hear the slurping and sucking, making you close to just snapping, but he stopped. "Get up and get in doggy-style. I wanna see how good you look for me" You got up and got into the postistion. you could hear his zipper go down and you felt his d1ck press up against your core. He slowly insterted and stretched you out.
"Fuck, i missed this pussy so much you have no idea baby." He said as he let you loosen up for him. "Are you ready baby? Im gonna give you the best fucking of your life." He said as he started pounding into you.
You couldnt even hold yourself up as you were drooling and just laying there. He put his arm underneath you and held you up.
As he kept going harder and faster, you could hear the clapping that was going on between you two. You felt the line in your lower stomach about to snap. He could tell you were about to cum by the way you started clenching around him. "Oh no, not yet baby, you can cum when i let you." He said as he slipped out of you. "This is what bad girls get when they try to get dick from somewhere else."
He flipped you guys over and now you were on top of him. "Ride. Me. Now." he demanded and you started riding. Side to side, up and down, and back and forth. "J-Jin please, im so close. Just let me.."
He snatched your head and pulled it down and looked you deep into your eyes, panting and sweating. "Cum with me. Show me who turns you into a mess and makes you cum around his cock."
And boom. Thats all you needed for that line to snap in your lower stomach. You were shaking around his cock and moaning more then ever. Not to long after, jin was finishing inside of you.
Panting and sweating he picked up your face and said, "I love you Y/N."
"I love you more Jin. I missed you."
#bts jin#jin smut#bts smut#bts fanfic#jin fanfic#bts seokjin#seokjin#smut#kim seokjin#bangtan#bangtan smut#jin bts
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it. Is SO fucking hard to stay motivated to keep writing when every other month theres a fucking AI Scare. Where my stupid dumb fucking ass says "you know, this time ill actually jump ship and go somewhere safe with my art!" Only to inevitably lose THOUSANDS OF FUCKING WORDS OF EDITING IT MY FUCKING ***O U T L I N E***, THAT ID GOTTEN TO LOOK S O FUCKING PRETTY AND FLESHED OUT!!!!
#horse.txt#vent //#ive been bawling my fucking eyes out for an hour im so upset#i cant fucking do this#i have to go back to google docs this is fucking insane#'cant verify your account license teehee! guess youll have to buy a new subscription!!!' verify this fucking knife in your windpipe#god... fuck man!!!! i dont want to fucking do anything now#i was just fucking actually getting started on the next chapter but nooo noo cant fucking have that ABSOLUTELY fucking not huh. huh#no fucking sleep. im mad tonight. im going to cry on the back porch. la llorona moment for the neighbors#try to fucking remember to shit i wrote. ggh.
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One of Shadow Milk’s many prop replicas of himself, left behind. Even though the eyes are forever staring straight into the distance… Oddly enough, you still feel like you’re being watched.
But surely, though, it won’t hurt to take it home and touch up the colours, right? :)
#oh. my god chat. do i have a lot to say now#IM LOVE HIM#oh my god#fhis is the only time ur gonna see me say i love shadow milk directly and not his art HAHAHA#FUCCKKKKK#this one rlly has me messed up#ive been sitting on this concept for a long while!!! i just cant rlly nail the vibes that i want for it… but mroe than anything i want to#show him to you guys.. so issok if yall see the flopfail before i learn how to better capture my mental image#oh it’s so possessed. btw. like not even a second of thought has to be put into it#LMAO#physical vessel for the shreds of his essence that managed to avoid being sealed up. it’s not enough of him to do anything crazy…#but just enough to put you on edge :)#golden freddy pose shadow milk (i will be drawing this some day)#his ability to move is really sporadic#sometimes he’ll be right in the middle of attempting to make a gesture and then he’ll collapse mid movement… darn#(kicks him) fuck you#i think he’s….. cute.#haha.#okay#shadow milk cookie#cookie run kingdom#mystuff#cookie run#crk#crk fanart#cookie run fanart#fave#is it egotistical to put a fave tag on MY OWN ART yeah probably BUT U GUYS DONT. GE T. HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS VARIANT#doodled an oc x canon w this concept in class 2day n realized too late someone wuz watching me draw…………… man.#IM AT TAG LIMIT????? FUCK MY LIFEEE I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT WAS A THING. BYE LOL!!!!!
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Not me debating writing an Aventio fic based on a book I really loved... urgh-
I got Aven recently and just finished his arc in Penacony and I am incredibly bored! I wanna write while I have the energy...
Lemme know if I should :p
Basic premise is its based on a book called Written In Red, which I feel absolutely fits Aventurine??? Look at the book first, give it a read, and tell me the main character doesn't remind you of him. I will go feral.
Anyways if you don't, the premise of the book is that the main character, a blood prophet who is also a slave, escapes and runs away from captivity to a town in order to hide and live amongst sentient predators called "Others", basically ancient as fuck monsters that can swap between animal and human forms. Others actually do prey on humans, but it's modern times and they have a begrudging agreement to coexist with humans because they make decent stuff that the Others can't create. The main character ends up living among them and figures out herself, while also teaching the Others some new things. It's actually a nice book in my opinion.
I'd have to reread the book but yeah. That would be the very basic idea. I already have a character list of who is who lmao.
I wouldn't make it a carbon copy of the book though, not with the characters I have in mind, but it would be a similar plot at least. Consider giant wolf Ratio, everybody, that's all I'm giving you.
So...
EDIT: Holy crap that's like 50 people and it hasn't even been a day-
Here you go ya feral bastards jesus-
Warnings for gore, violence, blood, people get torn apart and eaten you have been warned. (Can only be viewed if you have an account)
Enjoy
#hsr#aventio#ratiorine#honkai star rail#should i write it or not? honestly leaning for it but also ive never written for hsr...#mind you i have a good idea of the personalities but dear god how am i gonna write Ratio correctly??#dude has the kind of long ass monologuing speech that puts me to sleep the way my mom does#i love ratio to bits but also i want to shake him and tell him to talk NORMALLY PLEASE#aventurine will be SO fun to write tho- vibrating as we speak bc i am going to torture this man a lil more#theyre my fave ship currently- also we underestimate acheron/aven friendship#adding on the fact that the original characters in the book kinda fit too and i really dont have to do too much lmaoooo#also jesus fuckign christ 30 votes for hell yeah in an hour??? fuck it ill write it holy-#ill try to get through most of the book before i post anything bc i am editing and adding and changing a bunch of crap from the book i hate#im not shying from the gore tho. its a gory book#warning yall now bc there will be graphic violence tags and people being eaten and not in the fun way
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"Battle of Alberta, right? It was my first game: Calgary, Edmonton. We would play them in the preseason, and you know—trying to make the team I'd always be asking him to fight in preseason, always. I'd be runnin' my mouth—like, tryna fight the biggest, baddest guys, tryna make an impression.
And he would never fight me. He'd always tell me, like If you make the team, I'll fight ya. You don't have to worry about that, but I'm not fightin' ya preseason. And I totally respect it, I'm not gonna chase him down. It is what it is. He's established—I'm looking for my chance.
So I get called up, we're playing Edmonton in Edmonton: Battle of Alberta. [He's] over there on the other side, and it's like the coolest thing ever... you know, the buildup was crazy 'cuz I knew if the opportunity presented itself—if the game went the way I hoped it would, I would get an opportunity to fight him.
I remembered in warmups tryna skate by the redline initially just kind-of gettin' a feel for it—to see if I have to say something or whatever... He's got no bucket on, his big, bald head is glarin' around, he skates by the redline with the biggest smile on his face, and just gives me the biggest wink...
At that moment I knew Okay, he remembers. It's gonna happen at some point.
We were up 1, I think it was 2-1 going into intermission or whatever—Oh, no, I think it was 1-1 and we had just scored so the position I'm like Yeah, I don't know if I can fight him now because we have the momentum and we're winning the game. I don't want to lose a fight, then we lose a game and now I'm, like, never getting a chance again.
You kind-of gotta play the game within the game like [...] there's an opportunity to fight, and there's an opportunities where you shouldn't fight. Things weren't looking good, then they score and now we need a spark. I'm like Fucking perfect.
I just skate by their bench and I'm like It's time, big boy! He jumps out, we line up, and he goes We squarin' up or we goin' right away?
I'm like I'm not fuckin' squarin' up with you right now! We're goin' right away!
Drop em, we go right away, grab each other. I know he's a lefty so he's gonna let go—let's go of my right arm before he throws one. I threw one. Big boy went down, he jumped back up pretty quick. I don't know, I tell people all the time, I'm like I would've been in the league fuckin' 2 years earlier if there was good footage of this fuckin' fight!
For some reason—For some reason, the cameras cut out. I don't know if [he] had his cousins working the cameras or something that night, or if they're in the video room or what happened.
That was my first NHL game.
It's funny 'cuz Chucky was there—Chucky's there and he knows, he saw, he always laugh when I say that I would've been in the league earlier 'cuz he knows how things like that go. You get a little bit of energy and buzz around ya, and then kind-of momentum takes you a little bit further but unfortunate[ly], I missed that opportunity but I don't regret a thing.
[...]
The opportunity was there, I just—unfortunately, for whatever reason, the Hockey Gods said not yet." (Ryan Lomberg reminiscing over his first NHL game/fight) (x)(x) (please go watch the second link to see lombos giant smile as he tells this story jfc)
and other genuinely bonkers things to say about a hockey player in your first fight... like why did this need to be said like that...what
#ryan lomberg#lombo what the fuck#for the sake of clarity lombo does refer em by name but i think its funnier to obscure it in this case for people who dont know who it is#im sure edm and the bald description gave it away of who it is#but youll never fucking guess who this bitch is waxing poetic about#the wha the huh#HIM??????#WE'RE ROMANTICISNG THAT FUCKIN GUY??? REALLY????#i hate it here#this just in the guy you adore just said the horniest shit about the worst person you know#completely forgot they both were on the flames at the same time its been erased from my memory#(guy who does not pay attention to anything that is not pantr related)#but also matthew giggling about lombos little I WOULDVE BEEN HERE EARLIER IF THE CAMERAS WORKED RIGHT#how dare we lose him to calgary again HOW DARE#hello special little matthew cameo#the homoeroticism of it all#the inherent homoeroticism of hockey fights#why did he describe it like that#do you know what “scrappy ahler tries to make it big by fighting everyone in sight to impress staff and even challenges the enforcer vet#knowing itll make him look good if he does and said enforcer vet does not give him the time of day and goes i promise ill fight you when yo#get called up during the regular season not now and to which said scrappy ahler gets called up during the regular season and doesnt expect#much but gets completely surprised when the vet 1. remembers who he is 2. the promise he made and 3. even gives him a cheeky wink about it.#and the game is chippy from the start the ahler isnt sure theyll be able to fight hin but low and behold the hockey gods bless him#and he does he even gets to decide the rules AND wins it in one punch. the downside? none of it was filmed.#but the memory of that vets wink rings clear“ does to me man?#also. a classic case of hockey gods giveth. hockey gods taketh away.#sweetheart you can be gay AND also want your cool fight filmed honey youre asking for too much#yeah lombo does like calling men bigboy yeah that's a thing
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me watching episode seventeen of inanimate insanity and Literally saying out loud to myself "this is so sad....."
#mephone just wanting his final message to the contestants (especially knife and suitcase) to be “im sorry” god. fuck#could have said anything to them and he just asks toilet to let them know that he's sorry. that he apologizes for everything#that they've gone through since season one bcuz of him. especially bcuz everyone else is at hotel oj#knife and suitcase are STILL caught up in this man's bullshit and now they have to kill themselves. well they dont have to#but they already lost everything and they're gonna be deleted either way might as well do some good in their final moments#the final moment with knife and suitcase...... literally the only scene in inanimate insanity thats ever made me cry#i know the finale is gonna destroy me bro!!!! im not ready!!!!!#txt#inanimate insanity
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me when i cant be someones favorite person all the time forever for no fucking reason: ah i see. hm. okay. i should go abandon everyone and everything and then kill myself
#like jesus man why cant i just be happy for people#its not even like they dont like me or anything i know they do obviously but my goddamn brain just goes#hey. hey. hey. hey. theyre abandoning you. they absolutely fucking hate you. you mean nothing to this person anymore now that they have-#other people they care about. which means you are being a burden and have to go die sobbing in a hole now sorry.#literally why#it fucking sucks so bad#i just want to be glad that my loved ones can rely on people who arent just me but noooooo i guess i have to have a breakdown over this#god#i hate myself so much dude#I seriously cant take this actually#i just want to be better#why cant i be better#and now i cant even enjoy one of my favorite bands playing anymore because im a selfish fucking prick#why does anyone even like me honestly#and this is over something thats literally so unimportant it means nothing i should not fucking care i dont want to care#tw sui ideation#im not actually considering it btw but god jesus i suck#and im attention seeking#i mean seriously i shouldnt post abt this#fucking stupid#i wish i wasnt like this#scribbles says shit#tw vent#kinda#er yeah i guess so#this is weird#only like the 4th real vent post ive ever made on here lol
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18
#i need to solve a puzzle or some shit. god. fuck.#i cant concentrate on anything i cant fall asleep i cant stay asleep i cant stay awake i cant wake up on time#i hate depression 😒 and all the other things wrong with me yknow#i need to do something like. good for me. but its so damn hard to drag myself into doing that too#brain. stop being so foggy. please.#im even like. im eating im drinking water. i could probably like do some sort of exercise but everything makes me so tired.....#like even a walk yknow? i do my shift at work and im at 3% battery. i dont. i dont know what to do man#and i dont even wanna die about it???? im actively NOT suicidal for once#like are you kidding me??? ive been suicidal for like over a decade and for once#my brain is still popping up like have you considered killing yourself? 🤔 but im Genuinely not swayed by it at all#which is weird. and probably good. but now i just feel like. numb#stuck. stagnant. foggy. can we PLEASE cut through this fog and have some meaningful brain functions for a little bit. brain. cmon#i dont wanna die but i *do* wanna sleep for like. three days#i want a week off where i have NOTHIN to do#genuinely nothing to do. chores are done work is on pause i need nothing creeping in at the edges thinkin bout#ohhhhh you should be doing this instead..........youre wasting your time........do a task.....#but i cant i cant do a task. i cant. and its so frustrating and i feel bad about it#id feel much worse about it if my BRAIN wasnt as foggy as fucking SAN FRANCISCO#and i keep trying like. healthy ways of ''feeling something'' like hobbies i like or yummy food#nothin. does fuckin nothin. i get off and it gives me a Little bit of clarity Maybe. like#no wonder bad coping mechanisms happen yknow??? its an absolute fucking miracle i havent taken up smoking#anyway. i need to go to bed. tomorrows gonna be a long day. if you feel so inclined send me mental love or something. im fuckin tired folks.
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do u even understand. what farsighted majima is doing to me. ive BEEN wondering about this specifically. and now i have my answer and its. awful. like oh my god he talks about it so calmly as if hes not FREAKING the fuck out. GUY WHO FIGHTS MELEE AND IS ALREADY VISUALLY IMPAIRED
#yapping#i know hes not normal about this#i Know#this has got to be his worst nightmare#NOT THAT HE. YKNOW. FEELS IT OR ANYTHING. HE WOULD REPRESS THAT FEAR IMMEDIATELY AND MOVE ON WITH HIS LIFE#well guess what bitch its gonna catch up to u#shaking him by the shoulders#I GUESS THERES CONTACT LENSES.#but dont try to tell me he didnt spend DECADES going “heh my vision is just fine” being all smug about it#to cover up the fact that its actually relief#and now#now.#“lately” is makijg me crazy too like how long have you Known majima. when did u Notice#imagine being majima and monitoring how bad ur farsightedness is getting over time#DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF#how long can he keep up the “its not affecting my fighting ability im too good”#THE FACT THAT THIS IS IN DEAD SOULS AND Y5 CAME OUT RIGHT AFTER AND HES HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS BECAUSE HE “GOT OLD”#u can only compartmentalize and move on for so long man#god he makes me. fucking insane#majeem
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I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard
#i have to operate under the assumption that if people have an issue they will tell me but unfortunately this isnt true .#and it has happened to me in the past that i thought everything was ok because people were giving signals i wasnt picking up on#due to the autism so now im paranoid and constantly looking for signs i did something wrong and people are mad#and then i find them where they arent there which perversely does more to ruin a friendship than almost anything else#like the constant Are you mad at me... so i try to force myself not to do that and just#try to again assume that people arent however. im so worried about being blindsided Also of course i naturally dont want to make people#upset so if i am doing something wrong i want to change my behavior. however the fact its nuanced like#where you have to only do that a little bit and then take people at their word most of the time#fucking sucks like you actually are required in relationships to read peoples unspoken signals but you cant do that Too much#and if you misinterpet them its bad... but you cant ask for feedback too much because thats bad too. IT DOES MY HEAD IN actually like#it makes it so hard for me to interact with people because im just worried All of the time . and i have to be constantly like#ok check the facts and adjust behavior. check the facts and adjust behavior. make sure the facts are facts and not jumping to conclusions.#ok how do i do that . ok when do i ask directly. also people dont always tell the truth when you Do ask directly .#and then this is why my whole life i have mostly kept to myself and im trying to stop doing that but its hard because talking to others is a#puzzle for me that stresses me out more than anything else. man this sucksssssss can i just BE NORMAL!!!!!!#i know like Everyone has this problem its a common issue with relationships Communication but it feels especislly difficult for me .i#like cant fathom how other people manage very large numbers of friendships like even being able to count my close friends#on one hand i feel like im barely managing everything and im letting everyone down constantly but again i think thatsnonly my perception/#worry and not even true. god
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bridgerton s2 was SUCH a clayhoun slay. thots in tags
#henry clay the ACCOMPLISHED rake (also a marquis and the richest man in the county)#who apparently ruined a girls honor and left her at the altar when she was engaged to someone else#the secret is that thats not true.. she was engaged against her will and he 'ruined her honor' so her fiancee would dump her#now his reputation is ~scandalous~ but like nobody cares about all the naughty stuf fhe does do (cards gambling horse racing drinking snuff#anyways duke tom benton visits him in the country seat hes retired to to do scientific farming and raise racehorses#(tom is the cousin of the girl that he ~ruined~. he almost challenged him to a duel but his cousin stopped him)#like. ok. soooooo I need your help#in love. with this guy. but. his older half brother HATES me and will NOT let us have a single god damn moment together#please help.... i know you.... sometimes do that sort of thing for people 🤔#clay flipping switches from Aw yeah i fucked your cousin lol get at me to UGH i cant believe lucretia fucking narced#benton like please. i will truly do anything sir. and clay like well..... thats a handsome arabian stud you bought last season..#whats a horse to a husband anyways? dont you love this fellow? all I want is a silly little animal!#anyways at first he tries to pretend to court mr hayne. so that benton looks like the more palatable option to mr calhoun#but hayne is instantly like Im ever so sorry! but if your intents are matrimonial i am already spoken for! <3 so sorry!!#clay like hm. welll. fine I guess I gotta seduce the older brother now#mr calhoun... the serious argumentative not-noble lawyer who s fighting suitors off his rich charming half brother with a pool cue#clay instantly falls in lust. and then quickly thereafter in love...#THE DRAMA.... THE ROMANCE... THE BOSOM CLUTCHING.... CLAY SNIFFING HOUN .. SO UNSERIOUS!!#bridgie3 came out and im nutlost. thats the post
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The thing about bbc merlin is that the dynamic that's set up between merlin and arthur is so fucking good that I can't even. What can I possibly draw that's gonna encapsulate the feelings between them?
#its so fucking good. especially when u set it up like#arthur is so so afraid of losing this one person who is is true friend. i cant lose merlin i cant lose merlin#but im too much of a bro to tell him that but also i will give him hair ruffles and light bullying bc i want to touch him#he is my little dweeb who i love. and merlin is just. i mean. hes just merlin. would protect arthur no matter what#my man would and has killed so so many ppl for his king lmao#also arthur kneeling for merlin. just. ya kno. i think thats good. good good good.#ugh but i also want stained glass and weird fucked up religious themes.#ugh. and now im just spiralling bc i dont kno what to draw 1st. god!#im distracting myself from being upset abt another thing. ill think abt that thing later. draw now. while i have thr fucking time#merliiiin DX but also i have so much to color DDXXXX#merlin rambling#see. this is what i fucking do. i have to come up with thr fucking perfect idea. and then i just never do anything bc its not perfect#its dysfunctional. stop that
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maybe this is me having too much faith in the people calling for the extermination of an entire ethnic group but idk. i feel like the fact that israel has the most powerful settler colony on the fucking planet bending over backwards to defend them from literally every other country should be enough to make at least some zionists realize that they are not the good guys
#skye's ramblings#i dont know man im just. so tired. im so fucking angry all the time. i want this to end#i dont understand how people dont see that this is literally just textbook colonialism. and how some do know and simply dont care#i dont have enough contact with the native side of my family to feel justified saying 'as a native person-'#and i certainly dont want to speak over palestinians but fuck man. this just cuts so deep. white people have been doing this for centuries#they dont care about the lives the history the rich beautiful culture they dont fucking care about anything that lacks 'pure western values#they dont fucking care all they fucking do is destroy and steal because everything belongs to them in their eyes#israel is an illegitimate state composed of europeans living on stolen land that they say is theirs bc they're 'gods chosen people'#the 'savages' are now 'terrorists' but the sentiment remains that they are a stain that must be erased to make way fr the good white people#your philosophy is a poorly disguised recreation of manifest destiny that uses judaism as a shield#as if your religion has any relevancy to the fact that people fucking hate you for gleefully slaughtering families and stealing their homes#i dont know. i grieve the lack of connection to that side of my culture and these people are having theirs ripped away from them as i speak#i dont know how people can support this. i dont know. i feel sick.
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⁺ ⛧ ﹒ jurgen leitner ? — ˚ 🕯️ ⌢
“ stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner god damn fool book collecting , dust eating , rat old bastard , shithead , idiot , avatar of the whore - ”
><﹐six , sixxol , sol , uc , cryptid , loop﹐🦇
🕯️﹐any / all + 17 + aroapl + abro ﹐★
﹑likes - tma , homestuck , lego monkie kid , persona series , drawing , figure skating , fanfiction﹒⟡﹒⤿
⛧ ﹔🥀﹒dislikes - bigots , wasps , needles﹐ıllı
!About you/info - pls save me from the self - inflicted suffering that is called “ drawing my characters reference sheet “﹒🪦
” - biggest clown in the circus , laughed out of town , cowboy motherfucking jurgen leitner ”
#intro post#tags are stupid#stop pinning me when i talk about jurgen leitner i hate him so much why does he have so many fucked up books ?#why did he decide to fuck around and find out just to set them loose#is he dead is he a bastard man has such a visceral affect on me not even in the room never seen this mans face and i know he has the worlds#shittiest beard get away from me#if i wanted to get into heaven and god said jurgen leitners waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent#back down#if i have to deal with jurgen leitner speaking one word in person on voice in podcast not only will i close the tab i will delete my#bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the purpose of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned#or alive#i dont even know why i hate him so much. he collects books but i am just mad because i am angy#he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta and wanted the irl version#ill go ham#better have had a book make him kill a man because if he didnt im going to make him#paypal dot com slash i fucking hate jurgen leitner#episodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be in his library and i fuckibg lost it#where the fuck is jurgen leinter if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt#crusty old man#ill punch leitner and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until#all thats left is one final book he kept on him simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish#im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point#i hope theres a date given for when jurgen died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone#every day once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true books#holy fuck i just hand typed the entire leitner rant /srs#thank you for coming to my ted talk
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