#god………… i need to sleep but this will be keeping me awake
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obliviate - mattheo riddle
summary: when voldemort finds out about you and mattheo, he devises the perfect way to keep you apart.
word count: 5k
a/n: okeeey i know this is longer, but i actually adore it so much! kinda put my heart + soul into this one! extremely special shoutout to @pizzaapeteer's research on mattheo's favorite quidditch team, which provided a name i needed at the very end (hint hint!) ♡
warnings: angst (but also fluff, pls, it's me), use of the cruciatus curse, voldemort being voldemort.
soundtrack: dancing to the sound of a broken heart - galantis
OBLIVIATE (v.) -- To forget, to wipe from existence.
You noticed before he did.
It was early; the morning sun was just barely sneaking past the curtains in the window that fluttered gently in the autumn breeze, setting his bedroom in a deep golden hue. Your limbs were heavy with sleep and you were settled warmly in Mattheo’s arms, you could feel the rise and fall of his chest at your back, his warm breath on your neck. Normally this was your very favorite way to wake up, but something was off, something had made your eyelids flutter open, a feeling, a foreboding.
You didn’t want to wake him, gods knew he needed his sleep, so you squinted slowly around the room until your eyes rested on the very arms that were wrapped around you.
It was his dark mark, writhing against his skin.
No— you thought, but in an instant, Mattheo jolted awake, breathing heavily like he was coming out of a nightmare, or coming into one, and within a moment he was pulling his arms out from around you and you immediately felt cold for their absence.
“Matty” you whispered, turning to face him and reaching out for him, but he was already up and out bed, pulling his clothes on haphazardly.
He turned at the sound of your voice, looking longingly at you for the briefest moment, tangled in his sheets, perfect in the morning glow, your eyes begging him not to leave.
“Stay?” you asked quietly, and his stomach lurched. Fuck if you didn’t have the ability to bring him to his knees with just one word; but his arm burned and ached with impatience… He wouldn’t be kept waiting much longer and Mattheo could only come up with so many excuses as to why he was always late without exposing the truth, desperate to protect you.
“I have to…” he started, but he didn’t finish the statement, didn’t want to say what exactly he’d have to do and thank the gods you never asked.
“I know” you sighed.
“I love you” he said, leaning forward to kiss you sincerely, his fingers brushing your jawline, taking one last piece of humanity and goodness with him.
“I love you more” you whispered as his form disappeared in front of you, leaving you alone.
Mattheo knew the moment he arrived that something was deeply deeply wrong.
He recognized his surroundings at once: the Riddle family manor. The halls echoed with a silence so familiar to him and his childhood it felt like his heart stopped beating so as not to make a sound. Besides silence, though, he also felt the other hallmark of his childhood: loneliness. He was alone; not one in a mistakable mix of followers that he could slip into undetected, he was home, and he was alone, and he felt an uneasiness, a sickness settle over him as the hairs on the back of his neck began to rise and he turned to see his father stepping out of the shadows.
“Twelve minutes” he said by way of greeting, avoiding Mattheo’s eyes as he approached him like a predator would its prey.
“Twelve minutes. From the time I summoned you, until now. What, pray tell, was so pressing, so urgent as to cause your delay?”
Mattheo’s mind swept quickly over the image of you in his bed, your hair splayed on his pillow, the smile on your lips and your soft whisper as he’d apparated, but he quickly dismissed the thought.
“S’early” he said, kicking himself for how his voice waivered in its reply.
Voldemort nodded in mock understanding, like he was considering this, drawing out the silence between them, painfully so.
“So not only are you late, but you are also lying” he said, emphasizing the last word, spitting it like a hiss, his black eyes snapping to Mattheo’s in way that caused him to jolt in reply, an automatic defense mechanism against the only living being capable of scaring him as Voldemort stormed towards him, entering his personal space as his voice rose.
“Do you remember what happened to Alexei Donovan when he lied to me?” he asked.
Mattheo’s eyes shifted between his fathers, swallowing, vividly remembering watching Nagini devour Donovan limb from limb as they’d all watched.
“ANSWER ME!” his voice boomed.
“Y-y-yeah” he stuttered.
“Yes, my Lord” Voldemort corrected him.
“Yes, my Lord” Mattheo repeated.
And then Voldemort’s tone changed completely, as he took a step back and a smile spread across his inhuman face, which was somehow more disturbing than the alternative.
“But I am a merciful Lord, aren’t I?” he asked, his head cocked, daring Mattheo to disagree.
“Yes, my Lord” he said.
Voldemort nodded in approval.
“Yes, I am. And what a relief that must be to Ms. YLN at this very moment, hmm?” he asked, his eyes clocking Mattheo’s reaction as the blood drained from his face, his eyes blew wide and his shaking hand reached for his wand.
You watched the empty space where Mattheo had apparated like he might change his mind and come back, perhaps willing him to, before you laid back down, settling for his lingering warmth and his smell against the sheets when you heard footsteps outside the door.
You sat up, excited...naive you would think later, so fucking naive with the hope that he had returned, only to feel the blast of the door getting blown off of its hinges as you moved to cover your face from the flying debris.
Mattheo was breathing erratically, his chest visibly risibly rising and falling with pure, unadulterated rage mixed with a fear so palpable it was like he could taste it on his tongue. He was desperately trying to rein in his emotions and failing miserably as his mind catapulted over every worst case scenario.
He spoke, finally, conjuring the only thing he could think to say as his brain continued in overdrive.
"Don't" he said firmly, threateningly, his voice level for the first time that morning.
His father smiled broadly without an ounce of kindness behind his eyes as they narrowed.
"You never learn… What did I tell you? What have I always told you? This—" he said, gesturing to Mattheo's body shaking in fight or flight mode "—is weakness. Look at you!" he said with disgust, with disdain, "You're worthless. You can't decide what to you, your mind is divided when it should be focused; you're thinking of her when you should be thinking only of yourself!"
Mattheo heard every word he was saying, but all he could think about was you, about how to get back to you, how to stop whatever had already begun; but it was like chasing a train on foot that had long since left the station, no matter how badly he wanted to jump in front of it, it was far too late.
"So, one question remains" Voldemort said, circling him again. "You...Or her?" he asked, sneering.
Mattheo's eyes flicked darkly to his father. "Me or her what?" he said through gritted teeth.
"Surely you understand that I can't allow this relationship to continue with the way it's destroying you, and while the Carrows provided me with a lengthy list of ways we could enforce that" he said, smiling, letting the threat of his most devoted followers linger. "I have something much simpler in mind." He stopped pacing, snapping to face Mattheo fully, his robes flourishing around him.
"I will have your memories" he said proudly. "And one of you will forget their feelings for the other... forever" he whispered as Mattheo felt weak in his knees, like they'd buckle beneath the weight of what had been said.
"So, whose will it be?" Voldemort asked.
You felt excruciating pain in every limb, every tendon, every bone, and when you opened your mouth to scream, the Carrows took your words.
All you could do was watch them through the tears that poured out of your eyes in your silent struggle, willing, praying for Mattheo to come back, pleading with him in your mind; please, please, please you thought even as you felt your resolve and strength waning.
Mattheo's mouth had run dry and there was bile in the back of his throat at the impossible decision before him: Either forget the brightest light in his life, perhaps the only thing keeping him steady in an ever-spiraling world, forget the way your skin felt under his fingertips, the smell of your shampoo, how tightly you squeezed him when he hugged you, or the sound of your laugh, the way you listened sincerely to him with your full attention or rubbed his back when he couldn't sleep; forget the only and most sincere feeling of love he’d ever experienced.
Or worse, meet your eyes and not see a light behind them, the way they'd twinkle with adoration for him, watch you forget him completely and live life instead as your friend, a bystander, maybe even watch you fall in love with someone else... His stomach lurched.
...But in a way, isn't that what you deserved? To live a life free of all of this, free of him and the pain he caused you, constantly, every time he had to leave, every time he had to live this second life. You were meant for more than this, you deserved to be loved by someone who could give you everything in return.
"Hers" he spluttered. "Take her memories" he said quickly before he could change his mind.
Voldemort nodded obligingly before waving a hand, dismissing him.
Your eyes fluttered open as you lay in your four-poster bed, a soft smile on your lips as you saw the morning sun just barely sneaking past the curtains in the window that fluttered gently in the autumn breeze, setting your bedroom in a deep golden hue.
Your limbs were heavy with sleep and you were settled warmly in your sheets. You felt refreshed, though you had the smallest echo of a headache that you attempted to rub away as you got ready for the day.
You made your way down to breakfast, settling in amongst your friends.
"Good morning!" you said cheerfully as you took your usual seat between Pansy and Blaise.
"Good morning, babes!" Pansy chirped as the rest of the boys nodded, waved, and greeted you in various acknowledgements. You grabbed a pastry and pressed closer to Blaise to help him with the crossword puzzle in the Daily Prophet. You were deeply focused on the black and white print when Mattheo wandered in, sliding onto the bench across from you. His movement caught your eye and you glanced at him and offered a small wave before returning your attention to the paper.
And that was all he got.
A glance, a smile that he tried to hold on to, to see if there was even a glimmer of recollection behind it. But there was nothing.
The spell was strong. It had tied up every lose end. Your things were gone from his room, your pictures together wiped clear by the time he returned, even your hair tie had disappeared from his wrist. And when he crawled into his bed, and realized your scent was gone from his sheets, he pulled his pillow over his head to mask his muffled sob.
Now not even his friends remembered your relationship, he realized, as he looked around at them, all totally unphased by the fact that you weren't glued to each other's side. At once he craved the way Theo complained incessantly about your PDA, and Blaise teased him for being whipped. He would give anything anything for something other than the complete ignorance in front of him.
He'd never felt so alone.
A few days later, you noticed Mattheo was...off. Even moreso than usual. You were used to him being standoffish, reserved, a total closed book, but you sensed something different about him. You had never been close, but something about his demeanor kept catching your attention.
"Are you okay?" you asked him that weekend at the Slytherin house party.
You'd had to raise your voice to be heard over the crowd and the loud music and his eyes snapped to yours, almost in shock, before they began intently searching your face.
You looked back at him, confused, waiting for a reply.
"M'fine" he said finally, taking a long drink from his cup in an effort to occupy hands that desperately wanted to pull you into him and lips that desperately wanted to tell you a truth that didn't exist anymore.
"Lighten up, Matty!" you said, gently shoving him on his chest as you walked away, and he nearly choked on his firewhiskey, because there was only one person in his life that had ever called him that, and it was you, beginning the night you'd first time told him you loved him.
He watched you walk away and fade back into the crowded party, wondering, daring to hope that there was a way to get you back.
After that night, Mattheo’s attention on you increased tenfold. The following morning he'd squeezed his way next to you at breakfast, nearly knocking Blaise off the bench as he slid you your favorite coffee.
"Oh!...Thank you?" you'd said, surprised as you peered over his shoulder at Blaise and then looked down at the latte. "How did you—?"
"—Can I walk you to class?" he asked eagerly, a smile on his face.
"Suuureeee" you said hesitantly.
Then, he wanted to walk you to every class, and he'd even offered to carry your books. It was kind, endearing even, but it felt misplaced, so out-of-the-blue that it caught you off guard and confused you.
"Mattheo, I really want to thank you for everything you've been doing for me" you said finally as you walked out of your potions class to find him waiting for your eagerly, like a puppy, a smile on his face. Your eyes shifted to the classmates that walked by, eyeing the two of you together. "I just want you to know, I'm not really looking for anything serious. We're friends, that would be a little...weird, you know?" you said gently.
A moment.
And then he felt a chasmic split in his heart that he didn’t think he’d live through once, let alone twice. It had never occurred to him that there was a world in which you wouldn’t fall madly in love with him again as your words brought a memory rushing forward...
"Is this going to be weird?—" you asked, breathless, until his lips cut you off again, crashing to yours as his hands pulled you further against him in the broom closet. "—Darling, I could not care less" he murmured against you, and you laughed as your fingers tangled into the curls at the base of his neck and he felt your tongue against his own. “Mmm our friends are going to lose their mind” you whispered, grinning wickedly at him.
"Matty?" you asked, concerned at the look on his face, pulling him out of the memory, even as he tried and failed to hold on to it.
His eyes refocused on yours as his face darkened.
"Why are you calling me that?" he asked abruptly, his eyes narrowing.
"What?" you asked, taken aback at his tone.
"Matty. Why are you calling me that?"
"I—" you started before looking up at him, confused, feeling the dull ache of one of your more frequently occurring headaches coming on. "I-I don't know" you said quickly, a blush rising to your cheeks as you pushed past him.
He turned and punched the wall forcefully, feeling his knuckles crack in response.
Weeks went by. Every second in your existence was a painful reminder of what he would never have again, and yet he refused to distance himself, desperate for your laugh even if was for someone else, your smile, even if he wasn't the one to put it there.
Sometimes he swore he saw the slightest recollection in your eyes; he'd catch you looking at him, and you'd smile when he caught your eye, but it was always friendly, never like the look you used to give him, with the glimmer of something sinfully mischievous beneath it that had the two of you tumbling into his bed between classes.
The whole situation was setting him on edge, making him more anxious and fidgety than he'd ever been. But, of course, no one seemed to notice, his friends either chalking it up to his normal idiosyncrasies or bewitched to ignore his unusual behavior.
Now he was staring at the book in his lap, reading the same line over and over and over again, his mind running ragged as you sat beside him. At this distance he could smell your perfume, could feel your warmth radiating next to him and his heart ached at your proximity.
He hadn't realized he was doing it at first, but his leg was jiggling incessantly between the two of you, his jitters working at the pace of his mind, his body's panicked response to being so tantalizingly close to you, so desperate for you and not being able to have you. Suddenly he felt a warm hand on his leg, resting there gently as fingers began to trace a familiar pattern on his thigh, causing his jittering to slow along with his heart, which had now dropped into his stomach.
He glanced sidelong at you, afraid to move an inch, terrified that you would stop. He noticed you hadn’t broken your concentration on your book, perhaps hadn’t even realized you were touching him, it was like your body was moving on autopilot to comfort him in the very way you used to, tracing hearts on his thigh before nuzzling into him or pressing a warm kiss to his cheek.
He held his breath with the hope that this might mean something deeper, that there was a piece of you that remembered him as he closed his eyes, and tried to focus on the pattern of your fingers, the simple touch nearly bringing him to tears as he tried to let himself live in the memory of you.
You were right at the very best part of your book, the plot finally taking off, when you felt the familiar ache in your head that very quickly turned to a throbbing that brought you back to the present moment, and made you realize your hand had been resting on Mattheo’s thigh.
“Oh, gods!” you said suddenly, pulling your hand back quickly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—” you started until you saw the pained expression on his face, his eyes closed, his head hung as his hand carded through his hair. Your headache was pounding in full now, enough to make you wince and touch your temple. His eyes fluttered open, looking at you with concern.
“YN—?”
“—S-Sorry!” you said quickly, gathering your things and beelining for your room.
“Have you noticed anything… different with Mattheo recently?” you asked Pansy that weekend.
You were laying on your stomach on your bed, flipping casually through a magazine as she sat next to you, admiring her nails as she painted them a deep emerald.
You’d tried to ask as nonchalantly as you could, but she looked up at you with an eyebrow raised in question.
“I don’t know he’s been so… strange with me. He’s wanted to walk me to class, and carry my books, he wants to hang out all the time and he somehow knew how I liked my latte…?” you trailed off, leaving out the way your hand had ghosted over him, the expression on his face, and your recurring headaches that didn't feel like a coincidence anymore, flaring up every time you were around him.
A moment passed but Pansy didn’t reply and when you looked at her you saw that her expression hadn’t changed; she was staring blankly at you, not saying a word, which was extraordinarily odd to put it mildly.
This was the type of gossip that would usually have her on her feet, screaming, spiraling, devising a messy plan to get two of her best friends together, but you were getting nothing in return, less than nothing.
“Pans?” you goaded, prompting a response.
Her head tilted slightly, abnormally in a way that was starting to creep you out as her blank stare continued and you slowly pulled yourself upright and away from her.
“Let it go” she said flatly. “You’re imagining things.”
You were taken aback and started to respond before she interrupted you.
“—I mean, you can’t think that he’s into you or something, do you? He would never go for you… what would he see in you? What could you possibly have to offer the Dark Lord’s son YN? He’s got girls lined up out the door for him.”
You felt tears sting your eyes as you sat up fully now. Never once in your almost ten years of friendship had she ever said anything like that to you before. You were hurt, but you also couldn’t help but feel like something was very very wrong as fear fluttered in your heart at her dark words and unnatural expression.
Suddenly, your mind snapped black for a moment to another time you felt foreboding, felt fear in your bones, screaming silently with no one to hear you and you stumbled to your feet, wiping the tears from your eyes as your head throbbed so hard you were afraid you were going to be sick.
Pansy looked up at you, and smiled, unphased by the way you were shaking or swiping at your running mascara as she smiled. “Want to go to dinner babes?” she asked cheerful again, like she had forgotten everything she’d just said to you.
“I-I’ve got to go” you said quickly, as you made your way for the door, desperate to find the person you sensed was responsible for this all.
You made your way to the common room in slow motion, like one of those dreams where you’re running but not actually going anywhere. You felt flushed and feverish as your body began to tremble and the room felt like it was distorting itself. You looked around frantically and found Mattheo walking in your group of friends on their way to dinner.
“YN!” Blaise cheered, noticing you approach as Draco and Theo turned in concert, smiling widely at you with uncannily happy expressions.
But the minute Mattheo’s eyes landed on you, his smile dropped to concern and he quickly approached you, closing the distance between you.
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, reaching for you before pulling his hands back awkwardly.
“Can I talk to you?” you winced as your headache intensified “Please?”
“Yeah, of course” he said eagerly, motioning to his friends, “I’ll catch up with you” he said, nearly ignoring them completely as he led you back towards their now empty room.
He shut the door behind you both and you swayed on your feet before moving between the four poster beds and sitting on the edge of his.
There were five identical beds in the room and he tried not to read too much into the fact that you’d known which was his, even though in this reality you’d never been here. And then he tried to calm the erratic beating of his heart of you being here, alone with him, in his room, shaking the thought from his mind quickly as he took in the pained look on your face, your eyes pinched closed as you rubbed your temple
He came quickly to you, kneeling in front of you, moving to place his hands on your legs and pulling back, never knowing what the fuck to do with them anymore around you.
“What’s going on—” he started.
“—What did you do to me?” you whispered harshly, your eyes fluttering open, your face scrunched angrily in accusation.
“What?” he asked, confused.
“Mattheo, something is very very wrong, and you can’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
He stopped breathing. It couldn’t be.
“Our friends aren’t normal, people around us aren’t normal, and I feel like my insides are on fucking fire” you said, grimacing. “And it only happens when I’m around you. I’m not an idiot, Mattheo, is this because I turned you down?”
For his part he looked like he was about to cry, he didn’t look threatening or guilty, just enormously sad as he looked up at you with his amber eyes and your headache split to a nearly debilitating degree and tears flowed from your eyes in pain.
“My head” you said in a muffled sob.
You felt his warm hands rest on your legs, the first time he’d let himself touch you in months and you felt another flash in your mind, him smiling down at you with a lopsided grin in a way you’d never seen him look at you before, with adoration, with longing, with love, but it didn’t feel weird this time, it felt normal, so familiar…
“YN?” he whispered and your eyes fluttered open to see his transfixed on you, scanning your every feature, his expression full of concern. “Please hear me when I say I would never ever hurt you.” A lie he realized too late as he looked at you now.
“I-I know that?” you said shakily. “Somehow I know that but I don’t know how else to explain this or how I’m feeling” you said, sniffling.
“Fuck!” he muttered in frustration as he stood up and started pacing, running his fingers through his hair. He was certain that something was happening and yet he had no idea how to help you, the image of you crying in pain on his bed making him physically ill.
You sniffed again and said the next sentence so softly he swore he'd dreamt it.
“You have a scar on your shoulder, here” you said, gesturing over your own shoulder blade, tracing the same pattern of the raised skin on his back.
“You take your tea with milk and two sugars” your voice wobbled but was gaining strength as you kept speaking and he turned to look at you.
“You write left-handed but play quidditch right handed.”
Your eyes squeezed shut, words tumbling from your mouth now, like a broken dam.
“You always wanted a dog growing up and if you’d had one you would have named him—"
“—Zoryn” you said simultaneously. He moved to approach you, crouching in front of you again as he stared at you in awe, unable to believe what was going on.
Your eyes opened at his voice.
“After my favorite quidditch player” he said. “YN you’re the only person who knows that.”
“Why do I know these things?” you asked, pained.
He opened us mouth but nothing came out.
“Matty” you were practically beginning him to help you understand but he was too scared to be wrong, too scared to tell you the truth.
“...I’m the only one that calls you that” you whispered, and he nodded encouragingly.
“Yeah, you are” he said quietly, gently.
You reached out tentatively, your hand trembling and touched his cheek and he let his head fall against the palm of your hand, nuzzling into you as his eyes fluttered closed. You sniffed again.
“It’s okay, love, I’m here” he said tenderly.
“B-But you weren’t there” you said, breathing heavily all of a sudden, panicked. “I-I was scared and I wanted you there and you weren’t there…” and just like that your eyes blinked to his and memories came like an avalanche as you stood and he rose his feet beside you.
The first time he kissed you, the feeling of his warm palm in yours, tangling your fingers in his curls, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest in bed, the way he’d pull you onto his lap at breakfast and everyone would moan about it, him nuzzling into your neck, his arms around your waist and his hand at the small of your back in the corridor between classes. His lopsided grin as his amber eyes twinkled down at you and he whispered “Gods, I’m crazy about you, darling”
“I remember! I remember!” you said finally looking up at the real Mattheo standing in front of you, his face somewhere between sheer panic and shock and suddenly the inches between you were too much as you flew into his arms, wrapping yourself around him as he lifted you off the ground.
“Fuck baby” he said as you felt him shaking beneath you. “I’m sorry I’m so fucking sorry. He made me. M-made me choose, your memories or mine and—“ he choked up as hand came to rest on the back of your head, holding you closer to him “—I didn’t want you to live a moment in any reality thinking I didn’t love you.”
“It’s okay, Matty, it’s okay” you murmured against him, clinging to him, to the moment.
“None of this is okay” he said back.
“It’s ok now” you reassured him.
He made to pull back but you squeezed him tighter, afraid.
“I don’t want to forget” you mumbled into his neck.
“You’re not going to” he said through a laugh, the first time the sound had left his lips in months.
“Let me guess” you sniffed against him, fighting the knowing smile on your lips, “because you’re unforgettable” you grumbled at his cocky humor.
“Well, yeah” he said, laughing genuinely now, even as you pinched him.
“But more importantly—” he said as he took a step forward to lay you down on his bed so he could look at you, could finally see the sparkle of recognition in your eyes that he had been craving. You were looking back at him like you were committing his every feature to memory, your stomach flipping at how beautiful he was, at how you could ever forget it, tracing the scar at his eyebrow, his flushed cheeks, his lips and noting the twinkle in his eyes.
“—You’re not going to forget because the most powerful wizard alive already tried to make you, and it didn’t fucking work.”
You smiled at him, resolutely. “I could never forget you.”
“That’s right, baby” he said as he leaned down to brush his lips against yours, lingering for just a moment, savoring it like it was the first time all over again.
taglist: @dustie-faerie, @urfavfrenchgrl, @darlingshecried, @thegoddessofnothingness, @kenjikishimotoswifey, @mattiesgf @sleepiibunniiii @girllblogging777 @foivetimesacharm @clar2aa @broadwaybaby123 @slytherinscreamqueen @sectumsempraaa
#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle x you#mattheo riddle angst#mattheo riddle fluff
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Creepypastas with a sleepy SO
This totally isn't me projecting... Also, a reminder that if you like my writing my inbox is open for requests!! I take drabbles and head canon posts
Ticci Toby
-He's so down to just cuddle with you
-He has to be forced out of your grip if he needs to do something
-Toby would be salty that he couldn't stay in bed with you so he'd force you to get up as well
-If he can't nap, then you can't either
-Your sleeping habits formed some tics
-One of his main tics that developed was “honk mimimi” and his eyes will rapidly blink like he's sleeping and waking up
-You also yawn quite frequently, which makes him yawn
-It’s an ongoing cycle
-Long story short, you get sleepy, he gets sleepy
Eyeless Jack
-Bro is concerned!!!
-He understands the need for a nap, but the fact that you'll fall asleep if you get slightly comfortable no matter what? He doesn't think that's a good thing
-He makes you do busy work, he'll ask you to get him something from across the room even if he didn't need it
-Of course he'd let you take a nap, but he won't let it be frequent
-It gets so bad that he once found you asleep in a cabinet
-Since he's a demon, he doesn't need as much sleep as a human, but it seems like you need triple the amount of sleep as an average human
Brian Thomas & Hoodie
-Brian is slightly concerned
-He understands that people get tired and need a nap
-But NO WAY you're actually this sleepy of a person??
-He'll find you sleeping on the floor in front of the TV, even if the couches are open for you
-Brian is definitely strong, so no matter what you'll always end up waking up in your bed.
-Hoodie on the other hand..
-Hoodie wakes you up whenever you fall asleep
-He's simply making sure that you wouldn't get in trouble for “slacking off”
-Plus, he loves seeing you wake up
-The way you try rubbing your eyes after he wakes up you up makes him absolutely melt
-But if he sees that you're exhausted and you need a little break, he'll let you take a nap in his room
Tim Wright & Masky
-Tim gets it
-He's a tired person too
-If you're on the couch he'll sit next to you and sleep as you two watch a movie
-He simply doesn't give a fuck
-He keeps a blanket on standby for these moments
-If someone else does try to wake you, he'll get grumpy
-”I swear to god, get away from them before I drag you outside-”
-Masky is MEANN
-He would definitely pour cold water on you if he finds you sleeping during the day
-Smug bastard will also shake you awake
-Masky isn't a big fan of cuddling, but sometimes he's too tired to care to push you away whenever you snuggle up to him
-He'd never admit it, but he is only slightly worried about your sleeping habits
#creepypasta#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta x reader#headcanons#brian thomas#ticci toby#tim wright#brian hoodie#brian marble hornets#marble hornets#tim marble hornets#tim masky#eyeless jack#tim wright x reader#brian thomas x reader#masky x reader#hoodie x reader#ticci toby x reader#eyeless jack x reader#x reader#could be platonic or romantic
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milk anon again!! not a thirst but a small bait for your overwhelmed mind to feed on.
it's quite a common occurrence for babies to refuse to come out of the womb even though it's been over nine months already. it's not really dangerous or anything, yet there are several ways to help your little one finally leave it's tiny (not that tiny already tbh) apartment: the first one is obviously exercising! a bit of stretching might assist in speeding up the cervical dilatation. this way little bun will realise it's time to hurry up and leave already.
and the second one is *drums* fucking! lots of fucking. like LOTS. please do not hit anyone's cervixes it hurts as hell actually especially if there's a baby inside but in general lots of sex disturbs the baby and usually they start hustling, now ready to come out. moreover, the more mommy cums, the faster baby makes up its mind!
i'm pretty sure arle's known this already or she's done some research before and in case your baby doesn't come out the day it should she won't drag you to the hospital immediately or call for the professional nurses and nannies help. nahh she knows a better way to fix this situation...
cw. pregnant sex
milk. milk. are you in my walls. how are you dragging kinks ive never told a SOUL about into the light kicking and screaming like this. HOW.
im screaming into my pillow actually. she’d go so slow but you would literally be so sensitive it wouldn’t even take that much to have you writhing squirming on the bed, or as best you can, heavy with child—her child—as you are. she’d be caressing your swollen belly with the gentlest hands, cooing to both you and the baby as she languidly fucks into you……….. I NEED SEDATION LIKE HORSE TRANQUILIZER SEDATION DJDHDKLSND
#sev.responses#sev.thirsts#🥛 anon#anon i am breathing so heavily rn im actually unwell /pos#im like that spongebob meme where he’s standing in the doorway and breathing heavy#thats just me whenever i get an ask from you actually#god………… i need to sleep but this will be keeping me awake#you feed me so well my dear milk 😩😩😩 im being so spoiled rn dhdhdhskjs
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https://twitter.com/_csminini/status/1755060411647578288?t=o1PRLoBokg-SjBCSpzTfEw&s=19 hellooooo have a good day now 🤭 - 🍖
OH YOURE EVILLLLL.
#🍖 anon#media ༉#★ sai yaps ᵎᵎ#the veins#oh my god the veins#THIGHS????#I need to be put down#HIS WAIST IM TRIPPING#I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SLEEP#THIS WILL BE KEEPING ME AWAKE FOR THE NEXT 2 DAYS
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Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18
#i need to solve a puzzle or some shit. god. fuck.#i cant concentrate on anything i cant fall asleep i cant stay asleep i cant stay awake i cant wake up on time#i hate depression 😒 and all the other things wrong with me yknow#i need to do something like. good for me. but its so damn hard to drag myself into doing that too#brain. stop being so foggy. please.#im even like. im eating im drinking water. i could probably like do some sort of exercise but everything makes me so tired.....#like even a walk yknow? i do my shift at work and im at 3% battery. i dont. i dont know what to do man#and i dont even wanna die about it???? im actively NOT suicidal for once#like are you kidding me??? ive been suicidal for like over a decade and for once#my brain is still popping up like have you considered killing yourself? 🤔 but im Genuinely not swayed by it at all#which is weird. and probably good. but now i just feel like. numb#stuck. stagnant. foggy. can we PLEASE cut through this fog and have some meaningful brain functions for a little bit. brain. cmon#i dont wanna die but i *do* wanna sleep for like. three days#i want a week off where i have NOTHIN to do#genuinely nothing to do. chores are done work is on pause i need nothing creeping in at the edges thinkin bout#ohhhhh you should be doing this instead..........youre wasting your time........do a task.....#but i cant i cant do a task. i cant. and its so frustrating and i feel bad about it#id feel much worse about it if my BRAIN wasnt as foggy as fucking SAN FRANCISCO#and i keep trying like. healthy ways of ''feeling something'' like hobbies i like or yummy food#nothin. does fuckin nothin. i get off and it gives me a Little bit of clarity Maybe. like#no wonder bad coping mechanisms happen yknow??? its an absolute fucking miracle i havent taken up smoking#anyway. i need to go to bed. tomorrows gonna be a long day. if you feel so inclined send me mental love or something. im fuckin tired folks.
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If vampires are hurt by the cross and holy water, it stands to reason they would be by other godly symbols of other religions too, right?
Like in media that is not very religious, for example, in Buffy and Angel (haven't seen either in their entirety so could be wrong) when vampires were hurt by the cross it always confused me, less so after I learnt what the cross represents, but still it confuses me a little.
Like vampires are abominations that are kept away by the power of god, but there are many gods and many symbols that represent them, or are vampires just specific to christianity?
Has there ever been any media that has touched on this, like a muslim vamp, or a hindu one, etc..?
#vampires#Vampire#vampire lore#the cross#holy water#islam#christianity#hinduism#god#Godly symbols#symbols#buffy the vampire slayer#angel#buffy#btvs#atsv#angel the series#vampire media#These are thebstupid thoughts that keep me awake at night when I NEED TO FUCKING SLEEP
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Omg fam ur so not alone about the sleeping thing, my partner has both some health issues and also just a completely different sleep schedule from me that makes us sleeping together difficult, and a small apartment that makes it difficult to separate ourselves. And like. It's not his fault but its FRUSTRATING so I feel u ❤❤
😔😔😔Its frustrating bc its not her fault but also it kinda is bc i keep asking for basic communication
Im like hey are you coming to sleep in the next hour
And shes like in twenty mins
Which turns into two hours and im not going to dog her or ask again so i have to roll with the concept shes showing up whenever
I also sleep light so without fail if she comes in three hours later i wake up and it takes a while for me to return to sleeping
Its just a combination of stuff that makes this scenario like she doesnt say anything like dawg all i want is for u to poke your head in or msg me like im not gonna sleep yet but she gets mad abt it like its not super late!! FOR YOU ITS NOT you also work from home :/
Thats it and ill just bury myself under the covers n hope i dont wake up when she does come in
#ahh nothing like tumblr morning venting w the lads#i dont care that we have different sleep schedules#at the end of the day#i just want COMMUNICATION 😭😭😭😭😭#i know im ass at it in other ways but im always initiating convos like this and i keep telling her im not nagging u i dont want you to feel#like thats what this is but my god it will be if she keeps this up#i think im just annoyed that she uses the not late excuse but its like yeah i know but some of us have to go to an office to work and need#to mentally be on their A game. like constantly which is what Sleep assists with#not all of us have the luxury of working from home post covid#like dont give me a fakeass time that we both knkw you arent keeping#and shes always like WAIT FOR ME!!!#SO I DO????#AND THEN U PIKACHU FACE WHEN IM CRANKY AND SLEEPY AND AWAKE WHEB I COULDA BEEN ASLEPE?????#😭😭😭 im PRAYING FOR NO BS TODAY AT WOEK I SWEAR#also not to be slightly petty but i do all the goddamn housework
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They weren't kidding, when a lot of Bad has accumulated, even the smallest inconvenience can Break you.
#aria rants#o<-< my head hurts from the crying... ill be fine though! i cried it all out. ill be fine. now i need rest#honestly it isnt even a big deal. my lil sis got hold of the free lip balm i have which she Messed up badly#i rarely used that tbh cuz i keep forgetting to. so i dont rlly mind wtv happens to it and it was a freebie given to me#but God. from the Wretched week i had and it hasnt even been a full week of peace and then That happened#its also that time of the month for me so my emotions are alrdy a mess from Body Stuff and next thing i know i be crying o<-<#itll be fine tho orz... ive everyone in the Armada. im honestly so glad to have them. the best thing that ever happened to me this year#is finding out that im a system cuz now i have ppl helping me out. i wouldve been way worse without em orz#time for sleep for me tho its 6 am o<-< ive been awake since 1am (i slept at 11pm... it was early for once too... man)
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Having a post-concert crash right now and I’m trying to will myself to stay awake for the next several hours because I’m terrified I’ll oversleep and miss my train back home in the morning, but I also need to clean up this AirBNB for check out and I can’t will myself to get off this couch to do it... Girl help.
#personal#I didn't leave it a mess at all. Like most of it is untouched but all my bathroom stuff is still in the bathroom and the bed is unmade.#This AirBNB/general complex does have quiet hours here or else I would have probably blasted music from my phone to keep me awake.#Also most places are closed and I don't feel like walking around downtown PGH to find a 24 hour place for a caffeine fix. No thanks.#WHY is it SO easy to stay up all night when I'm at HOME?#I also won't get any sleep on the train because I'm weirdly paranoid that someone will steal my luggage.#Or I'll oversleep there too and miss my stop...#Literally when I get home midday tomorrow it's gonna be lights out for me LMAOO#Thank God my boss gave me Tuesday off for yesterday. I need that day to do pretty much everything I missed over the past couple days.
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Sorry to hear that you've been sick, hope you get better soon
That is very sweet of you, thank you🍀 We don't know what it was: the GP could not find anything. But I've heard that there's a flu pandemic going around and someone told me my symptoms did quite sound like that, so maybe? Whatever it was, I'm very relieved it's slowly becoming better every day!
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.
#god give me the strength to stay up another 10 hours and actually work the whole time#I really need my addy to kick in and keep me awake rn#me#update: gonna nap for half an hour while I wait for it to start working#even though I’ve already wasted so much time#it’s better to sleep than just stare at the screen
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gehhh I can feel my brain starting to turn pretty fucky wucky and I would really prefer to not have that happen again cause it was really bad last timeee
#forrest speaks#vent#i literally feel up to my eyeballs in stress there's so much shit going on right now and i just really don't like this#got real bad family stuff happening and just general depression shit hitting really hard and pressure from parents to like choose a career#and pressure from uni cause I've not done work for a while and have been in a state about it and ive been too terrified to try and sort#out my probable autism shit cause it stresses me out thinking about it#i just feel like curling up into my bed and never leaving it yknow? its overwhelming and makes me want to cease#feel the need to say that i wont and dont do stupid shit to myself when i get like this because i dont want people worrying n shit#i just usually keep by myself and stay in bed and just mentally beat myself up i guess#god being awake just feels so exhausting right now but im still to awake to sleep#im sorry for dumping this here but i just wanna scream how im really feelin deep down into the void n stuff and this is the best i can do#gonna try drawing a bunch of real self indulgent shit so i can get that happy feeling of making something at the very least#god knows ill need it
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damn . internalised ableism got hands
#and in disability pride month too! disgraceful#anyway i can't shake the feeling that i'm a fucking disappointment#i can't cope with. anything#and i know it's. neurodivergence and physical disability and my Ever Concerning untreated mental illness lmao but#i just feel like. a failure. how am i supposed to cope with actually doing the job i love so much if i can't even get through-#-the leadup?#i can't physically keep up. i can't mentally keep up. i can't emotionally keep up#but if i say that it feels like quitting#even though i'm barely contributing anyway. most people there won't give a fuck if i never turn up again. i hardly know the blocking anyway#it's 6am and i can't sleep#my knees r throbbing n my brain is screaming and all i can think is how much of a disappointment i am#and how pathetic i must look from the outside. how much people must judge me and my fucking dramatics#because normal people don't have fucking breakdowns over the tone of their texts.#and normal people don't stay awake until dawn bc they can't sleep until the sun rises.#and normal people don't feel like they're walking on fucking shattered glass every time they go outside#i just want to curl up into a ball and scream#why can't i just pause the world. why can't i leave this whole fucking thing and come back when i'm ready to keep going#god. fuck#i need to sleep but it's rlly hard when my knee hurts every time i move#og#vent#internalised ableism tw
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guess who's ~awake and hating it~ can someone please come to my house and smash me in the head with a comically large mallet knocking me unconscious instantly
#it's my late day tomorrow but that doesn’t mean I'll sleep any longer it just means it'll be later at night when i have#to drive my sleep-deprived ass home#god i hate insomnia i hate knowing there's nothing i can do about it i hate knowing it makes going to work dangerous#i hate how goddamn bored i get in the middle of the night#i really do try to do everything right and so i dont watch tv and i try to lie there and read or just close my eyes#but it's so BORING so u just wind up thinking instead and thinking keeps me awake#i need drugs and the only thing i have in the house is advil pm and dipenhydramine doesn't work on me really#also gin. but my tummy's unsettled so i feel like it's not a good idea to try to get asleep by drinking#which i have done when desperate in the past#i need like an actual fucking sleep drug stronger than melatonin or valerian (both of which ive tried)#does anybody know a good knock you the fuck out chemical i can get at the fucking store
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Wordcount of the day: 42
Yes. That is such a pathetically, low number. It's literally 3 sentences, but at least it gives me a lead towards where I want to go to wrap things up.
If life doesn't decide tomorrow that it want to go out of its way to inconvenience me in every possible way, I might be able to get the new TKB chapter done. Have a good idea what I wanna do, it's just having the time to write it all down. Thankfully I have a morning shift. I have to wait around for about an hour after for oldest to get out of work, but I'll either use that time to work on WiP, or maybe read one of the many fic updates that are chilling in my email notifs.
#writing progress#42 on tkb#to whatever gods are listening#please let me sleep tonight#being awake at 2am on a workday sucks ass#i can't tolerate that much stupid on my own#i need at least half my brain to keep me company
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What is it like to not be tired all the time???
#tmi#god i can't wait for my next psych appointment i need my med dosage increased#so fucking tired bc i've had to cut my pills in half so i wouldn't run out bc the bottle is for a month but there's 6 weeks between-#-appointments!!!! why do i keep saying 6 weeks is fine. she can't order a refill for more than a month bc it's a fuckin restricted substance#& days when i just don't take my meds at all i WILL sleep the entire fuckin day. my current half dose just barely keeps me awake but-#-doesn't really give me the energy to do much#a couple days I've taken a full pill bc I knew I needed the energy to Get Shit Done & it was great i actually felt like a human being#if i'm gonna keep cutting this shit in half i'm gonna need a higher dose so I can do shit even on half a pill#fucking hell i hate my brain. stupid thing can't fuckin regulate itself. can't motitvate itself.
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