#god why do i always give myself Projects

[lightningflvsh]

hello followers on my semi-inactive blog. can someone talk me out of doing hours of research in order to build my own timeline/canon rewrite of the dc comics universe because i’ve been filled with an Urge to do just that and i don’t know if my motivation issues can take it

[natalievoncatte]

Every part of Lena Luthor’s soul was screaming at her do not do this.

Yet there Kara Danvers

(Kara Zor-El, last daughter of the house of El, LIAR.)

stood, bedraggled and tear-tracked, hunched in Lena’s doorway like a tiny kitten begging her for food. Lena wondered how she did it, how she made herself so small and unassuming, pathetic even. It was more than a change of clothes and hair and ripping off her glasses. She truly changed, somehow.

Changed to deceive. Changed to mock, changed to take without giving, to make Lena a fool.

(it was a cruel thought, a green thought, a Lex thought)

“I’ve told you already, Kara. I don’t want you here. You’re a liar, you and all your little friends mocked me to my face and kept secrets behind my back.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“I don’t believe you.”

That relentless sad puppy look of hers softened even further.

“Why?”

God above how Lena hated her. Hated her for daring to ask. Fuck you, that’s why.

(nothing hurts more than a question that has no answer)

“I hate you, that’s why.”

Kara swallowed hard, wringing her hands. She was dressed in her pajamas and had probably flown here, then landed and asked to come up like a normal person. Didn’t she see that was the problem?

“I don’t believe you.”

Lena threw up her hands. “Oh fuck off with that, Kara. You lost your favorite toy, get over it. I’m done with you. I moved on, you should too.”

“You let me in. I’ve seen the real you. You’re not vindictive. You’re not cruel. You’re a kind-hearted, selfless, compassionate person.”

“And you didn’t,” Lena snapped, moving to close the door. “You deceived me in the most fundamental way. You made me believe you cared for me and believed in me and saw the good in me. No one sees the fucking good in me, no one. No one did but you… and it was all a trick to keep an eye on the Luthor.”

“No, no, I didn’t-“

“You didn’t? Then why did you get James to spy on me? Why’d you question my motives? Why’d you keep lying to me after I proved myself over and over and over again? Because I was never good enough. It was never real.”

Kara rubbed her arms. “Do you really think I brought you into my circle of friends and held you in when you were sad and brought you to Thanksgiving and let you sleep over in my home to keep an eye on you?”

There was a heavy pause.

“That’s fucking insane,” Kara snarled.

Taken aback, Lena flinched, half at the profanity and half at the anger in Kara’s voice.

“I admit it,” her voice broke suddenly, “I can’t deny it. I can’t just dismiss how you feel, I get that, but I didn’t keep my secret from you because you were some kind of a project, Lena. I kept my secret because keeping it let me keep you. It was selfishness, pure and simple. I wanted my one friend who didn’t see me as a superhero. I wanted… I wanted what I always want, things I cannot have.”

There was such agony in her voice that it cut through Lena’s growing fury like a blade sinking into clay, stuck fast, hot in her chest.

“I knew I’d lose you to it eventually. I didn’t do it for you. I did it for me.”

Lena blinked a few times, feeling her resolve start to shake.

(another manipulation. she will do anything, say anything to get back in your good graces)

(to do what, Lex? to what end?)

“Say what you came here to say.”

“I kind of did, but I have one more thing to ask.”

“Then ask it.”

Kara swallowed. “I want to pretend.”

Lena’s brow arched.

“Pretend what?”

“Just pretend it’s like it was. For one night. Just give me one more night and I promise you I will never bother you again. You’ll never see me or Supergirl for the rest of your life.”

“You’re on TV every day.”

“I meant in person.”

“And stop talking about yourself like you’re two different people.”

Kara sniffed.

“Okay,” she muttered.

Lena stood there for what felt like an eternity, screaming at herself not to do this.

(do it, it’ll make it hurt more)

(me or her?)

Lena stepped aside.

Kara entered. She brushed at her eyes, adjusted her glasses, and walked into Lena’s expansive, cold, dark penthouse.

As soon as she did, it was as if the light came back. It felt warm again, seeing her standing there. Having her here, in her cute little pajamas with her braid over one shoulder, those big eyes open and hopeful.

Lena closed the door.

“What do… what do you want me to do? Us to do?”

“We could watch a movie, maybe get Chinese delivered. Have you eaten? I doubt you’ve eaten.”

Lena hadn’t, actually. She hadn’t eaten today and had eaten only scraps yesterday and only because Jess insisted.

Kara touched Lena’s side, a soft brush of fingers over her ribs, and winced.

“You’re starving yourself,” she murmured. “Oh, Lena.”

“Kara-“

She already had her phone out and was ordering. Of course Kara had Lena’s place still saved in DoorDash.

Lena grabbed her hand to stop her.

“My treat.”

Lena fetched her own phone and put in a quick order- of course she had all of Kara’s favorites saved and of course she almost sent them to Kara’s address instead of her own.

“I ordered.”

Lena looked down at herself, wondering why the hell she was doing this. She was still dressed for the lab, so she retreated to her bedroom.

When she opened the closet her eyes immediately went to the maroon Midvale High School sweatshirt hanging at the far end of the rack, where it had been defying her for months. She should have burned the god damn thing but every time she reached for it, her hand pulled back of its own accord.

Not today. She let it fall over her, oversized for her frame and too long, and changed from slacks to leggings and pumps to bare feet, her toes curling from the cold hardwood floors.

Kara had already taken up position on the couch and had put on one of her beloved movies, one they’d already watched together ten times and Kara had probably already seen ten times more. The Princess Bride.

It was a cheap ploy and Lena knew it.

It gouged at her anyway, leaving something raw in her chest. It ripped open every place she’d forced to herself to scab over, broke every stitch. She killed the lights, halfway out of tradition and halfway to make sure Kara didn’t see her fighting back the tears.

Neither of them spoke. They sat on opposite ends of of the couch. When the food arrived, Kara got up to get it from the driver and her absence was keen, the void she left behind ripping at Lena.

When she sat down again right next to her, Lena let her. She shoved a box of take out into Lena’s lap and insisted she eat. They ate in silence.

Kara’s heart wasn’t in it. She are aimlessly rather than shoving her food in her mouth and gobbling it all down in minutes as she usually did. She was pretending, hard.

Lena barely paid any attention to the movie. The food, normally seasoned and spiced to the point where she couldn’t stand it and ate only to please Kara, was bland and tasteless in her mouth.

Kara, haltingly and hesitantly, put her head on Lena’s shoulder, and winced when Lena’s shoulders hitched. Why the fuck was she doing this to herself?

The worst part was that it didn’t hurt. It felt like home. Even now after all she had done and all that Kara had done and said, feeling Kara’s sadness in her soft weight beside her was ripping her apart, the mad anger and rage swept aside by a torrent of grief she couldn’t hold back.

If she was going to pretend she might as well pretend. She put her arm around Kara and leaned into her, nuzzling her nose into Kara’s soft hair, wondering if her alleged best friend ever noticed that Lena’s favorite thing in the entire stupid fucked up world was a Kara Danvers hug and nothing was more precious to her than these times when she almost kissed the crown of Kara’s head.

How she ached.

The movie ended and Netflix began making suggestions.

“Kara,” Lena murmured. “Let’s go to sleep.”

“If we go to sleep the night will be over,” her voice was small, trembling.”

“I know, darling. Just let it be what it is.”

Kara nodded.

Lena’s pulse was pounding as she headed for the bedroom, wondering how Kara had never picked up on how decidedly unplatonic it was to fall asleep in each other’s arms. Neither spoke as they climbed into Lena’s California King, a bed big enough to drown in, sinking beneath a goose down comforter, Kara’s body heat like old coals from a campfire.

For a moment they lay apart, and then slowly came together in their usual way, Kara forming herself into a protective cocoon to shield Lena from… from everything. Morgan Edge, her brother, alien shotgun weddings, random nuts with a gun and a grudge, everything but the greatest threat, her worst enemy.

“I have to go in the morning,” Kara whispered, “so I better say this now. You are not a monster, Lena. I never wanted to ‘keep an eye on you’ other than to protect you and keep you safe. No matter what you do, I will never, ever give up believing in you, but if you want me gone, that’s what I have to do. I love you so much it hurts me. I can’t stand being apart from you but if that’s what you need from me that’s what I’ll give. I would do anything for you. If moving on is what you want…”

Kara took a ragged breath.

“As you wish.”

Lena felt something crack inside her. An image filled her mind: Kara. Kara with graying hair, walking away, walking off into the sunset like the hero she was, and with someone else… with a child between them, a future, a home…

“God damn you, Kara Danvers!” Lena snapped, shocked at the sound of her own voice. “God damn you for making me feel this way! Do you have any idea what you did to me? I can’t just turn it off, I can’t stop feeling.”

“This was a terrible idea,” Kara sighed. “I should have known better. I’m just hurting you more.”

Kara began pulling away.

Lena threw out her arms, locked her hands behind the neck of the most powerful being on the entire planet, and yanked. Hard.

Their lips came together in a crash. The force was all Lena’s, as Kara’s inhuman might yielded to her control. There were no words. Kara hesitated for a shocked moment before she kissed Lena back, looping her arms around Lena’s waist.

This was no stolen glance, no innuendo, no coy hint. When Lena kissed Kara she made as if to devour her, and was mounting her before she realized she was doing it. Kara yielded, she always yielded even when Lena pinned her wrists to the mattress and clamped her legs around Kara’s hips and ground on her like a horny teenager.

She kept expecting Kara to sputter, to push back… to be fucking straight, to be brutally honest about her intentions, but there was nothing straight in the way Kara shifted to grind against her, or the way she twisted her hands free and slid them under the soft Midvale High Sweatshirt and skimmed them over the bare skin of Lena’s back. There was no mistaking the intent of her kisses or the feral sound she made when the shedding of clothing began.

Lena must have shocked her at first, because when Kara recovered, she became a force of nature. Lena was quickly on her back and let out an excited yelp when Kara simply tore her leggings apart and bared her with a feral grin on her face before shedding her top with the same desperate energy.

When they came together, really came together, Lena was nearly overwhelmed. Kara was insatiable, relentless. Hokey cliches like “force of nature” were woefully inadequate.

She never ran out of stamina and she was gentle when needed and forceful when Lena wanted it, every stoke and motion and caress somehow perfect, and she sensed without needing to be told when Lena was ready to give rather than receive and yielded without a word.

They barely even had to talk, and when Lena was finally exhausted, Kara was there with kind touches and soft words and cared for her like the most precious thing in the world.

Lena fell asleep, deeply and soundly, and when she woke up with the sun on her skin and an empty bed she wondered if it was all an elaborate dream until she heard Kara humming halfway across the penthouse, grabbed the sweatshirt, and padded barefoot from the bedroom.

Kara was at the stove cooking breakfast and holding a spatula like a microphone, singing… a fucking Britney Spears song.

“I thought you were going to leave in the morning,” Lena sighed.

Kara froze.

“I’m glad you didn’t. I’d have to come get you.”

Kara turned to her with a billion watt smile.

“I was lying about leaving you alone.”

Lena walked over, arms around her waist, hugging herself. She cupped Lena’s chin with a hooked finger and the casual intimacy of it made Lena’s heart swell.

“I love you so much. I can’t breathe without you,” Kara whispered.

Lena took Kara’s wrist and guided her hand to cup her cheek, nuzzling against the soft skin of Kara’s palm.

“Stay?”

Kara nodded.

[psychemochanight]

Dick being neurodivergent, because why not? (Am I projecting myself onto my hyperfixation character of the moment? Absolutely).

Dick finds the weirdest possible positions to be absolutely comfortable. We already talked about how he likes to hang upside down, but besides that, he's always sitting in a strange way.

Bruce doesn't have any opinion on any of this, but sometimes wonders if Dick is trying to give himself some kind of cramp. The others just wonder if the boy has actual bones.

Bruce thought Dick couldn't be a picky eater, but he's totally wrong. Alfred taught Dick to cook because he knows that if he depended solely on food prepared by other people, the boy would starve. (Worse is when they discover that if they don't remind him, this guy won't eat at all. He just totally forgets that humans need food).

He also taught him other things for sensory issues that he doesn't want to acknowledge. (Yes, there are ways to keep his sheets soft enough, to prevent his shirts from getting lint, even cleaning the slab so it doesn't have weird textures).

Bruce always purposely gave him more work than he needed to do, otherwise he would never get the boy to concentrate. Nothing too difficult, he didn't want to overburden him yet, but seriously, even if he liked math, he would never sit down for more than 10 minutes to do his homework. Organizing his tasks didn't always work, but a deadline? It was his best strategy. Even out of ten minutes, eight were just him thinking about something else and only two to complete the job, he would complete it anyway.

(He never gives him the same task twice in a row. God knows that will never be complete. Have you seen how many jobs this man has? He can't stay in one place for more than a few months).

His thoughts also jump from one situation to another as much as he jumps on rooftops when he is on patrol. Bruce never understands his line of thinking, but it is extremely helpful in solving cases.

Despite appearing extroverted, Dick was still more of an ambivert, sometimes even seeming more introverted, he's just not that shy. His social battery runs out pretty quickly, even if he pretends it doesn't. He still needs time to himself in order to move on, and as a child his best way of pointing this out to Bruce was by hiding under tables in a dark place, or instead, climb to the highest places, farthest from people. Bruce learned that although Dick was used to the noise of people, he was used to seeing it from above, not in the middle of the crowd.

It's not that he's non-verbal, but there are still days where just talking is a no-no. As a child he had better control, but as an adult he just doesn't want to talk, and he's not going to talk.

Weighted blankets? Yes please. Noise cancelling headphones? He would love to, but he is too paranoid to completely isolate himself from his surroundings. (If his friends notice that his leg is bouncing more than usual, they assure him that they will keep watch and ask him to wear his headphones for a while, if they need to talk to him they use sign language).

He also has blackout curtains. And we all know his comfort object is a stuffed elephant, come on. (I love the fandom for this idea. Give the guy his stuffed elephant, give him Zitka.)

Yes, Dick, people have hobbies, but normal people don't change hobbies after mastering them once, much less change them every three days. No, gymnastics is no longer your hobby at this point, it's literally your life.

A special interest falls short when you spent a week without sleep to continue researching your new hyperfixation.

[thelastsequence]

Taking on the school bully

Sub M!Reader x G!P ITZY Yeji

Part 1 | Part 2

“Hyung-soo, you’ll be paired with Yeji for this project okay? I know Math is your strong suit so please help her out as much as you can. I’m counting on you.” Ms Eunseo said with an approving smile on her face. I smiled back and nodded, but I was groaning in my mind.

Yeji?! You’ve got to be kidding me… How am I supposed to get anything done with the laziest student in the whole cohort? That’s if she’s not expelled by then…

As I stepped out of Ms Eunseo’s office and headed to my locker, I sighed as I thought of all the work that I would have to do. Hwang Yeji was infamous in our school for being a bully, frequently getting into trouble and causing a ruckus during lessons. Arguing with teachers, flouting school rules, forcing other students to do her work, you name it, she’s done it. The only reason why she’s still around is because her rich CEO father has been bailing her out by always donating to the school. Nonetheless, there were rumours that the board of directors and principal were fed up with her behaviour, and her next antic might be the last straw. Well, who wouldn’t be pissed…

“Hey. You. Loser.” A cold menacing voice pierced my thoughts. My eyes widened as I turned to face the source. It could only be one person…

Hwang Yeji.

“So you’re my partner for the Maths project? Better do a good job, if not you’ll get a beating from me. Got it?” I nodded nervously as Yeji glared at me. “Good. Don’t cause any trouble for me. Now get out of my way.” She shoved me aside painfully and walked away, while I could only stand there wincing. I cursed my luck (or lack thereof) at that moment. God, why did I have to be paired with her of all people?

The next day

“Class, I’ve decided that I’ll be picking one student from each pairing to present the project. For Pair 1, Karina. Pair 2, Yuna. Pair 3…” As Ms Eunseo read out the names for each pair, I glanced over to Yeji’s table where she sat using her phone.

“Pair 8, Yeji.” My ears pricked up when I heard that. Oh crap, I thought to myself. Getting paired with her was bad enough, but now Ms Eunseo was making her present. Yeji scowled when she heard this and she immediately stood up to voice her displeasure. “Hey, Miss, come on! You seriously expect me to present? You’re joking right?”

“Hwang Yeji! This is final. Sit down now or I’m giving you an F this instant!” Ms Eunseo barked at her. Knowing she was already on thin ice, Yeji scowled and sat back down with a huff. Suddenly, she turned towards my direction and glared at me. Wait for me after class, she mouthed. All I could do was nod in fear. What did she want with me?

Thirty minutes later, the bell rang and Yeji immediately walked over, while the other students began packing their bags. Without saying a word, she grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of my chair. Her surprisingly strong grip meant that I could only follow behind. She stopped at the lockers outside of our class and turned to face me.

“Kang Hyung-soo.”

“Y-yes, Yeji?”

“So that bitch Son Eunseo is making me present the project, it looks like I can’t completely slack off.” She grumbled. I slowly nodded, not knowing where she was going with this. “Y-yeah… well-”

She cut me off before I could continue any further.

“Shut up. I’m going to need your help, because I can’t afford pissing her off again. You hear me? If you help me prepare well for this project, there’s a chance I might not beat you up after all.” I gulped when I heard that. I did not want to be on the receiving end of one of Yeji’s beatdowns.

“Y-yeah, sure, I’ll help you as much as I can…”

“Good. Go and grab your bag, you’re coming to my place now. Let’s just get it over and done with.” My eyes widened and I couldn’t believe my ears. Me? Her place? What was going on? “Are you deaf? Hurry up!” She yelled and kicked my shin. I winced as I scrambled back into the classroom to get my things. I shoved everything into my bag and stumbled out of class again.

“Follow me. And don’t get any wrong ideas.” I walked silently behind her through the hallways as the other students stared and whispered. They probably assumed I was her latest victim, about to receive my punishment for angering the school bully. Instead of heading behind the back of the school building, we were at the foyer.

Soon enough, a black Mercedes pulled up and a man dressed in all-black stepped out and opened the door. “Hello, Ms Yeji.” The man spoke. I’m guessing he was… her driver? I was surprised at how such an unruly girl could have such a nice lifestyle. “Hey Felix. We’re headed home.” The man nodded as he turned to smile at me. “You must be Ms Yeji’s friend. Nice to meet you.” I smiled sheepishly as Yeji glared at me again from inside the car. I quickly went in and sat down.

It was a quiet drive back to Yeji’s house, which turned out to be a lavish-looking bungalow. We pulled up to her driveway, where Felix got out of the car and opened the door for us again. Yeji got out and signalled for me to follow her. I marvelled at the expensive-looking designer furniture in her house, the decorations, the paintings, everything… It was all completely new to me and I was trying to take it all in.

“Hurry up, loser!” Yeji yelled from the staircase. I mumbled sorry to her and quickly followed her up the staircase. We walked past two doors, stopping at the third which I guessed was her room. She opened the door and grabbed my wrist again, before pulling me in.

“Where do we start?” For a moment, I didn’t know what she was talking about. The new experience of visiting a bungalow almost made me forget what we were here for. “Oh y-yes, the project…”

We both sat on her bed as I started explaining the scope of the project to Yeji. Unsurprisingly she seemed disinterested, which did not help my case.

“Get to the point.”

“S-sorry… So what you’ll need to do is talk about some trigonometrical concepts that we’ve learnt in class and their real-life applications…”

“That sounds boring as fuck. Urgh…”

“Yeah…” I didn’t know what to say as I didn’t want to anger her. All I could do was try and explain it to her. After awhile, we began making the presentation deck for our project, even if it was mostly me doing the work while Yeji scrolled on Tiktok.

“Yeji, do you want to do this part? Since… you know, you’ll be presenting it…”

“Urgh… what now? Can’t you write it and explain it to me later?”

“Well yeah… but I’ve pretty much written 80% of the slides already…”

“Fuck… Fine, later I guess, I’m watching this video.” I sighed as I grew increasingly exasperated with her behaviour. While she was giggling at her Tiktok video, I was racking my brain thinking of what to add to our presentation. Finally, I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I stood up and faced her. One part of me was already regretting it, but I figured I might as well just go ahead with it.

“Yeji! Hey!”

She turned and glared at me. I felt my knees go a little weak but I managed to keep standing.

“Can you just do your work for once, please? I really don’t want to fail this. You think I wanted you as my groupmate? I’d rather work alone! All I’m asking is for you to do something and put in a little effort… It’s not that hard is it? I’d do anything, okay? Come on… Do your part, okay?” I sighed as I finished ranting, Yeji staring menacingly at me the entire time.

“Anything?”

“H-huh?” I stared confused at her as she stood up.

“You’d do anything so that I’d work on the project?”

My mind drew a blank as I didn’t how to respond.

“Y-yeah, it’s a group project, we’re-”

She cut me off by shoving me to the the floor where I landed on my butt. “Ow… what was that for?” I muttered. When I looked up, Yeji had taken a step closer to me and placed a hand on my head.

“Well, if you’re good enough for me today, I guess I can do a little something for the project.” Without warning, Yeji unzipped her skirt, her bulge in my face.

Her bulge?!

“Yeji- You- Your-”

“Ya, I have a dick, so what? It’s probably bigger than yours anyway. Get to work, loser.”

I gulped as Yeji’s panty-clad cock stared me in the face. A musky smell emanated from it and fill my nostrils.

“Please, Yeji, I-”

“Shut up! You’ll be taking this dick whether you like it or not. It’s up to you whether you want it the easy way or the hard way.”

I closed my eyes, cursing myself for getting into this situation. How did this even happen? I was half-hoping it was just a nightmare, but when I opened my eyes again, Yeji’s pink panties were still in my face.

Sighing, I slowly pulled down her panties, narrowly avoiding getting hit by her cock. It was about 6 inches long, thick and veiny. Her tip glistened with a bead of transparent pre-cum. What she said was true, it was definitely bigger than mine. I stared at it wordlessly for a second, not knowing how to proceed. All I had seen was porn videos, so I guess I would have to act on that.

Taking a breath, I slowly gave her tip a lick. It tasted salty as I swirled my tongue around her cockhead. I glanced up, Yeji’s hand still on my head. She was looking down on me with a look of pure lust, her eyes transfixed on my lewd act. I continued licking at her cock as if it was a lollipop, slowly taking my time with it.

Yeji let out a moan as her grip on my hair tightened. She took a step backwards and sat onto the bed, dragging me on the floor. I decided to get onto my knees and make it a little more comfortable for myself.

I spat onto her cock and started stroking it with my right hand, while slowly massaging her balls with my left. I looked at her timidly, wanting a sign of approval. As if reading my mind, she let out another louder moan, seemingly in response.

“Yes… stroke my cock like a good boy…”

“Y-yes, Yeji…” I muttered softly. I sped up my pace and tightened my grip around her shaft, lubricating it with more spit. I started to feel a little intoxicated by the musky smell of her cock and balls and felt myself getting horny. My own dick was getting hard and I wanted to stroke it.

“R-Yeji, can I… touch myself?” I asked shyly.

“No! You have to please me first.” She gave my cheek a slap with her cock, leaving a wet trail of my saliva mixed with her precum. I sighed and continued stroking her, occasionally giving her tip some licks.

“I want you to suck it, Hyung-soo… Be a good boy and take my cock…” Yeji moaned sultrily. My cock stiffened when she called me a good boy, and I felt a sudden desire to please her.

“Y-yes, Yeji…” I opened my mouth and starting sucking on her tip slowly. The taste of her cock was not too strong or overwhelming but it actually tasted pretty pleasant. I started using my tongue while sucking, hopefully making it more pleasurable for her. I tried going a little deeper down her shaft, but I ended up choking and gagging on it.

Cough cough

“Oho, did you gag on it? Is my cock too big for you?” Yeji asked lewdly. I shook my head and went for another try. This time, I managed to take half of her length into my mouth before coming up for air.

“Come on, Hyung-soo, I know you can take all of it… I know you can deepthroat my cock…” Yeji moaned loudly again. It seemed like I had no choice but to force myself to go all the way.

Taking a deep breath, I opened wide and shoved my face onto her dick. Almost instantly I felt like gagging, but I controlled it and managed to only choke a little. I continued going deeper until my nose touched her crotch. My eyes widened as I realised I had managed to take Yeji’s entire length into my mouth.

Suddenly, I felt her hands wrap around either side of my head, holding me in place and forcing me to stay in this position. The urge to gag came again and this time, I couldn’t handle it. I choked loudly and more spit flowed out of my mouth. Yeji quickly withdrew her cock from my mouth, strings of spit clinging onto my chin, before shoving it back in again. She repeatedly this rapidly, skullfucking me while looking down at me lustfully.

My mouth and throat felt like they were on fire, but I felt my dick get harder and harder as well. Even if Yeji was abusing my throat, it somehow felt… good. I looked up at her with tears forming at the corner of my eyes, gagging obscenely.

“Good boy, good boy… I didn’t know you were so good at sucking cock, Hyung-soo.” Yeji finally pulled her cock out of my mouth, giving me a chance to catch my breath.

“Th-thanks Yeji… I just… I just want you to do something for our project.”

“Come on, Hyung-soo. Do you think I’m stupid? You’re not thinking about the project at all, you just want to suck my cock.” I turned red as I realised she was correct. It felt so good with Yeji’s cock between my lips that I didn’t care about the project anymore.

I blushed as Yeji ruffled my hair. “Do you want it on your face or in your mouth? For your first time, I’m nice enough to let you choose.”

I was a little confused. “Eh? W-what do you mean?”

“My cum, silly. Do you want me to give you a facial or do you want to swallow my cum, Hyung-soo.”

My face grew redder upon hearing Yeji say that. I didn’t know which to choose, so I went for what I thought would be the lesser of two evils.

“My mouth…” I figured it would be less messy, and I wouldn’t have to clean up as much.

Yeji bent down and whispered lustily, “Wow, I didn’t know you were so hungry for my cum, Hyung-soo. You’re such a pervert.”

She slapped her cock on my face a few times, saliva and precum covering my cheeks with a light sheen now. I opened my mouth to take her cock again. Her shaft roughly penetrated my throat as she began quickly thrusting into my mouth. I moaned a little at her roughness, while bobbing my head quickly, trying to take as much of her length as possible.

“Fuck, that’s so fucking good…” Yeji moaned again and sped up. I looked up at her again, wanting to gaze into her piercing eyes.

“Hyung-soo, I’m gonna… gonna cum soon…” I wanted to say yes but all that came out was a mmmph, my mouth full of cock. Yeji continued fucking my face rapidly while my hands massaged her balls. Her moans were getting louder and louder, punctuated with obscenities. I could also see her perky nipples straining against her shirt, forming a faint outline. I wondered how Yeji’s breasts looked like…

Suddenly, Yeji gripped the back of my head as she shoved her cock deep into my throat. My eyes watered as I felt her dick hit the back of my throat, making me gag yet again.

“I’m cumming… Ah…” Yeji moaned as I felt a thick spurt of warm cum shoot down my throat. Yeji pulled her cock back a little and continued to cum onto my tongue. I looked up at her, my mouth full of her salty seed.

“Good boy, Hyung-soo, swallow my cum…” I nodded and gulped it all down. After swallowing, I choked and coughed a little, unused to this newfound taste. Yeji bent down again and dove in for a kiss, her tongue exploring my mouth and tasting herself on my lips. I let out a muffled moan as she gently fondled my clothed nipples. After what seemed like an eternity, she pulled away and motioned for me to sit on the bed with her.

“Hyung-soo, you did such a good job. Was that really your first time sucking cock?”

I nodded, blushing. “Th-thanks, Yeji… I’m glad you felt good…”

“So, I guess I’ll do something for the project then. And, if you want, we can do this again…”

I was taken aback at Yeji’s words. I couldn’t believe that she would want me to visit her and give her a blowjob again. My mind was racing; why would I want to suck the school bully’s cock again? Then again, I felt like I had suddenly grown addicted to her dick, its scent and taste still fresh in my memory.

“A-anytime, Yeji…”

“Anytime? Really? You better not regret that, then.”

Shoot. What had I gotten myself into?

----

Hey everyone! Ren here, if you're reading this I hope you enjoyed my first ever fic! Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you thought of it. My asks are always open. Cheers!

[umeqii]

-⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY ⠀⠀⠀. . . ⠀⠀⠀but you're lowkey cool .

fandom ; class of 09

character ; nicole

gender ; female reader (lesbian nicole real)

creator ; umeqii

QUICK A/N - so like idk i'm a nicole kinnie and so like i might (i will) self project but yk ^_^ and uh idk i js wanted to post smth abt co09 bc like all i saw was mf jeffery ones and no one likes jeffery he's a fucking wierdo anyways!!

TW - like it's co09, so mentions of pedophilia, drugs, dark humor, sh, suicide jokes, things like that :P

─── WHAT IT'S LIKE DATING NICOLE !!

okay so it's quite clear that nicole is a sociopath, and she's aware of it and she payed VERY little attention to you at first

i guess you were just like, that one girl who just sits in class n minds her business and overhears alot of weirdass drama like that one blonde bitch kelly being inlove with her cousin or something

but you had a new student, and you gotta admit, she was really pretty ���∇≤ !!

her personality; not so much (real though)

anyways, you grew up to read people really easily from the way you were raised n shit so when you first spoke to nicole in class, you realised she was faking to smile; or just faking to be nice in general

so you kept that in mind, but didn't say anything because you were loekwy afraid :P

one time, you guys had science together n this kid jeffery kept tryna talk to nicole and it's not like you were mad at her for tryna make new friends, it was jeffery you were mad at

he didn't even acknowledge you one bit ☠️☠️

so you just end up standing next to them saying nothing and looking like a random stranger

when nicole sat in her seat, with jeffery rambling about anime girls or something, you saw how she looked REAALLLYYY pissed so you were gonna sit in your seat (which was opposite hers) and ask her

UNTIL THAT BITCH JEFFERY LIKE SAT IN IT ☠️☠️😭😭

you just ended up staring at him with a slightly open mouth when he ignored your soft askings of "can you please move?"

that's when our favourite toxic lesbian said something!! (i'm delusional)

" oh my FUCKING god, next time i hear anything about your stupidass anime cat girls, i will actually hang myself from this light. like who the fuck even asked?? i know damn fuckin' well i didn't. and get your greasy and filthy ass out of y/n's seat, you bitch. "

😨

that was jeffery's face (and lowkey yours' too)

he got out of your seat and mumbled an apology to you and sat somewhere else leaving you and an annoyed nicole sitting in silence

" oh uh...are you? "

" do you have any meth. "

" ah fuck sorry, i don't do.. uh yeah "

" you look like you do, you seem fucking crazy "

" oh. "

so like after that, and you, being the sapphic you are, ended up falling inlove with nicole !!

she was lowkey a bitch and you won't lie, toxic as fuck but she was your only friend and she stuck up for you so that's good??

she treats everyone with no respect at all, but for you, you can see the SLIGHT change in attitude

like you see her with jeffery, then people like jecka and emily, and you!!

she would always say things about you guys making out or having sex in the bathrooms and you couldn't tell if they were jokes or not

but like i lowkey cba to say how ym got together so all ik is that yu asked her out, she made out with yu and yh

so like now HEADCANONS time

nicole is an insecure girl deep, deep down so that's why she acts the way she does.

but yeah, those insecurities make her REALLY jealous 😭😭

it's sometimes concerning .

like one time you were approached by emily and she was asking you if you wanted some drugs or something, which you declined, and you ended up complimenting her hair and saying how it brings out her eyes and she ended up hugging you

then nicole stormed over and started going fucking crazy mode at emily saying how " don't you have like a 30 year old boyfriend you can give head right now? so fuck off and let me give this bitch head instead, you cokewhore!! "

something along the lines of that

like i guess showing affection makes her pretty vulnerable, so when ym are in public she's a bitch

she's really controlling or whatever the word is (toxic)

"y/n, you know how much of a fucking pathetic loser you are? just think how fucked up you would be without me, then. like no offense babe, but you're really fucking deranged in the head but i guess that's something that makes you hot."

okay that's all i can think of but yeah i also hate parental controls like why are only 5 of my apps unlocked like let me go on discord ://

you guys should add me on discord, my user is umeqii yiu bitches /affectionately /nf

[pickingupmymercedes]

Even when I said I didn't 2/3 - Lewis Hamilton

A special trilogy part of 1K Jukebox Event

Longer than I care to admit (pt.1) | Even when I said I didn't (pt.2) | When hating you was all I wanted (pt.3).

song: Won't say I'm in love / Les raisons du coeur - Hercules @itsmrshamilton

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

genre: we're building on their story, it's gonna hurt a bit but it's worth it (i hope)

wordcount: +1k

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

______________________________________________________________

The argument still rings in my ears. It clings to the walls, hanging in the air like smoke after a fire.

I sit on the edge of the couch, staring at the door, hoping—foolishly—that it’ll swing back open. But it doesn’t.

He’s gone.

Again.

And this time, it’s on me.

I press my knees to my chest, wrapping myself in the hoodie he left draped over the armrest. It still smells like him.

Like sandalwood and something warm. It smells like home.

I breathe it in, and for a moment, I let myself feel the weight of it, let it press down on me until I can barely breathe.

You’re an idiot my mind snaps, cold and cutting.

This is what you wanted, right? Space? Congrats. You got it.

I close my eyes, clutching the hoodie tighter.

It’s not that simple.

He’ll get over it my mind continues.

He’ll fly back to Europe, throw himself into his races, his projects. Other women. He’ll be fine. He’s Lewis Hamilton, for crying out loud.

And I can only hope that’s not true. Because of the way he looked at me before he left.

That look. God, that look.

It wasn’t anger, or frustration, or even disappointment. It was worse.

It was resignation.

It was the look of someone had tried everything and finally realized there was nothing left to do but walk away.

He’s better off my mind insists, but the words feel hollow, even as they echo through me.

I drop my head into my hands, the hoodie pooling around me like some pathetic shield. The fight replaying in my head, every word a fresh wound.

The room was almost frozen in time, except for the rhythm of his heartbeat beneath my ear and the soft brush of his fingers tracing lazy patterns on my thigh.

I could feel his breath in my hair, warm and steady, but there was a tension in the air, one I was pretending didn’t exist.

We had given in to the pull between us, tangling ourselves in each other like it could make up for the hours we’d lose when he left.

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” I murmured, letting my fingers skate over his chest, mapping the lines of muscle like I was memorizing him.

“I wish you’d come with me” he replied, his voice quiet, like the words had been waiting to escape.

My hand stilled.

He felt it. I knew he did because his fingers paused on my thigh, then resumed their path with more purpose, as if to ease the tension.

“To Europe?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light, playful even. “What, you want me to be your groupie now?”

His chest rumbled beneath me, but it wasn’t the laugh I’d been aiming for.

“You know that’s not what I mean” he said softly.

I swallowed hard, shifting slightly so I could look up at him. His features were serious, searching mine for something I was sure I couldn’t give.

“Lewis…”

“Come with me” he said again, and this time there was an edge of urgency to his voice. “To the races, to Europe. Just… be with me. Be mine.”

The words hung between us, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe.

His.

My instinct was to deflect, to find some way to diffuse the weight of his words.

“You make it sound so easy,” I said, forcing a smile. “Just pack up and jet off to follow you around the world. No big deal.”

He didn’t laugh. Didn’t smile.

He shifted from my grasp gently, so I was lying on my back and he was propped up on his elbow, looking down at me.

His eyes bore into mine, and the vulnerability there almost undid me.

“It is a big deal” he said, his voice low but firm. “And that’s why I’m asking. I don’t want to do this halfway anymore, Y/n. I want all of you.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but the words caught in my throat. Panic clawed at me, and I did what I always did when I felt cornered—I made a joke.

“Well, if you’re trying to make me your WAG, you should’ve led with that,” I said, forcing a laugh. “You know, the perks—first-class flights, champagne, front-row seats to you in a fireproof suit…”

“Y/n.”

His voice cut through my nervous rambling, and when I looked at him again, his expression had shifted.

“I love you” he said, simply, quietly.

It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room.

“What?” I breathed softly, my voice barely a whisper. Something so small I wasn’t even sure it had even left my mouth at all.

“I love you” he repeated, his eyes never leaving mine. “And I can’t keep pretending I don’t, or that I don’t want to keep leaving you behind.”

My heart pounded in my chest, my mind racing to catch up.

“You—” I started, but he cut me off, leaning down to press his forehead against mine.

“I know it’s scary,” he said, his voice softer now. “And I know I’m asking a lot. But I can’t do this anymore without telling you how I feel. You needed to know.”

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I blinked rapidly, trying to keep them at bay.

“Lewis, I…” My voice cracked, and I hated how small it sounded.

I closed my eyes, my chest tightening as his words settled into me, wrapping around my heart like a warm, terrifying truth.

But the fear was still there, coiled tight and refusing to let go.

“Come with me?” he asked for the final time, his voice breaking just enough to shatter the last of my defenses.

“I can’t,” I said, my tone clipped, the walls unwantedly going up again.

“Can’t or won’t?”

The way he said it—like he already knew the answer but was praying to be wrong—made my stomach twist painfully.

“What difference does it make?” I shot back, defensive, retreating even as I lay there beneath him.

His jaw tightened, his knuckles whitening as he gripped the counter. “The difference is everything, Y/n.”

Everything.

I press my palms into my eyes, willing the tears to stay back. But they don’t listen, just like I didn’t listen to him.

“You never asked me to stay” he said, his voice softer, more controlled. “But you didn’t ask me to leave, either.”

And there it was. The truth I’d been too much of a coward to face.

Coward my mind hisses, the word slicing through me.

You let him walk out, and for what? To keep playing it safe?

Safe. That’s a joke. There’s nothing safe about this emptiness.

I stand abruptly, pacing the living room. His sneakers are still by the door. The book he insist he’s going to finish sits on the coffee table, Roscoe’s favorite ball lies just by the kitchen island.

This isn’t just my space anymore. It’s ours.

It’s been ours for a long time.

And yet, I keep pretending it’s not.

Two mugs. His and mine. His still has a bit of espresso at the bottom, the kind he insists tastes better black, even though he always steals sips of my sweeter mixes.

My heart clenches, and for a moment, I can’t breathe.

This is what you’re giving up my heart whispers now, soft but relentless.

He’ll thank me one day my mind snaps back, defensive. He’ll realize I did him a favor.

A favor? My heart practically scoffs.

By making him think you don’t care? By letting him leave without telling him the truth?

I grip the counter, my knuckles turning white. I hate this. This endless battle inside me, this tug-of-war between fear and something I’m too scared to name.

Love.

It’s love.

I glance at my phone on the counter. The screen lights up with a flight notification.

His flight.

I have less than an hour.

My stomach twists painfully. He’s leaving.

Again.

And this time, I don’t think he’s coming back.

The thought panics me, it steals my breath. I grip the edge of the counter, trying to steady myself, but it’s no use.

You love him. My heart says, firmer now. And he’s leaving because you were too scared to tell him.

“I was protecting him,” I argue, but even I don’t believe it anymore.

He doesn’t need protecting, Y/n. He never asked for it. He only asked for you to be honest on your feelings.

I sink to the floor, my back against the cabinet, my head falling into my hands. The weight of it all is suffocating.

Then it hits me—clear as the day we first met.

I see him, standing under the dim lights of that tiny gallery. His smile was hesitant, almost shy, as he introduced himself.

He wasn’t the Lewis Hamilton everyone knew—the global f1 superstar, the face on billboards. He was just a guy asking me what I thought of the art.

“You looked lost,” he’d said later, teasing me about how long I’d stared at one painting. “I figured I’d either save you from getting kicked out or make a new friend.”

The way he gently pulled me into his world without ever demanding more than I was ready to give. The way he’s always waited, always been patient, even when I didn’t deserve it.

And then all I can I think of is his smile, the way it lights up his entire face. The way his eyes soften when he looks at me, like I’m the only thing that matters.

The way he stays, even when I give him every reason to leave.

And now I’ve finally pushed him too far.

My phone buzzes again, snapping me out of my spiral. Another notification. Time slipping through my fingers like sand.

He’s waiting for you to fight for him.

But my mind clings to its defenses, its excuses. And what if I go and he doesn’t want to hear it? What if I’ve already lost him?

Then at least you’ll know you tried. But you’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t.

The words hit me like a punch to the gut.

I can’t stay here. Not like this. Not when every fiber of my being is screaming at me to go.

I stand on shaky legs, grabbing my keys and slipping into my shoes. My hands tremble as I reach for the door.

I don’t have a plan. I don’t even know what I’ll say if I get to him.

But I know I can’t let him leave without trying.

I pull the door open and step out into the cool air, the weight of fear and hope both pressing down on me.

And for the first time, in what feels like forever, I let my heart lead.

And I admit. I am in love.

_____________________________________________________________

TAGLIST - @saturnssunflower @xoscar03 @chocolatediplomatdreamerzonk @itsmrshamilton @vicurious28

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@hiireadstuff @f1-football-fiend @unlikelystay

If you’d like to be added to my taglist you can leave a comment or send me a dm/ask.

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Me or him (part 3)

~part 1 & part 2

pairing: felix x afab!reader x hyunjin

genre: angst, smut

word count: 2.6k

warning/s: swearing, brief description of sex, cheating, lots of drama & angst in this chapter, brief description of a panic attack, toxic behaviour, lots of fighting

a/n: i was supposed to work on cult of love but i was in an angsty mood, so enjoy ig and please reblog if you like it🫶🏻 (also this is not the ending of this fic, there will be more)

~check out my: Masterlist ~part 4

Hyunjin knows that Felix has always been a touchy-feely guy. He knows it's the way his friend expresses love. And he's used to it.

But he couldn't help but notice the lingering touches between his girlfriend and his best friend. Even though all three of you are friends, it seemed that gradually, hugs between you and Felix were tighter and longer.

He told himself that he's just imagining things and that there is no way there would ever be anything like that happening between the two of you.

Not when you're smiling at him so beautifully, bathed in the afternoon sun, wearing your pretty dress as you share a picnic blanket.

Hyunjin's hands itch to take out his sketchbook and fill it with yet another sketch of you, the lines and curves etched into his mind so deep that he could draw you in his sleep.

But he longs more to feel you closer to him so while you bask in the beauty of the nature around you, he sneakily sits behind you, arms around your waist as he pulls you into his embrace.

You shriek in surprise, your back flush against his chest as he leans his chin on your shoulder.

"What are you doing?"- you chuckle.

"I wanna hold you a little while, before I start sketching you."- Hyunjin smiles, gently moving your hair to the other side.

You're about to answer something witty but Hyunjin's lips are pressed into your skin, right over your pulse that reveals your heart beating fast.

"Oh..."- is all that leaves your lips as your boyfriend kisses you gently and holds you tight.

Your eyes are closed and you tilt your head, enjoying the quiet and the warmth.

You're about to lose yourself when Hyunjin suddenly pulls away.

"Why'd you stop?"- you whine and he laughs cutely and annoyingly at your pouty face.

"We can continue this at home."- he smirks and kisses your cheek.

And you don't think about Felix.

Until you do. Until he somehow creeps into your mind while Hyunjin sketches you. And you wonder what he's doing right now and if he's thinking about you too.

And you also wonder why are you thinking about another man when all you need to be happy is right here with you, your sweet boyfriend Hyunjin who always tries his best and loves you more than you know?

-

You and Hyunjin stumble into your apartment, giddy with the good vibes you shared on your picnic date. You're laughing until you almost choke on your spit when you see Felix standing in your living room.

"Ugh... I let myself in. Hope y'all don't mind."

Right. He knows where the spare key is hidden.

"Lix! Oh my god, I haven't seen you in weeks!"- Hyunjin is quick to greet his friend and you feel like your legs are heavy. Like you've grown roots and you can't move from where you're standing.

"Yeah, sorry, I was working on some projects."- Felix says and looks at you, his arms opening up, silently beckoning you in a hug.

You move towards him automatically and pat him awkwardly. Hyunjin watches the whole interaction.

"Hi, y/n."- Felix smiles like nothing is wrong. "I brought brownies."- he adds, pointing to the kitchen.

"Oh we haven't had those in a long time. I missed them actually."- Hyujin says and almost skips to the kitchen. Little does he know you've had those brownies for breakfast more times than you can count.

You throw daggers at Felix with your eyes while Hyunjin is busy digging into the tupperware his friend brought.

Felix gives you a smug smile before it melts into his innocent one.

"I thought we could hang out today. I'm sorry I didn't call in advance. I just wanted to surprise you guys."- he says.

"Nonsense! You're always welcome here, Lix."- Hyunjin says. "Right, y/n?"

"Yeah, ofcourse."- you nod.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom."- Hyunjin gets up and leaves the kitchen.

You wait and listen for the bathroom door to click.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"- you whisper to Felix, fuming at his presence in your apartment.

"Me? Nothing. I'm here just to hang out with my friends. Is that not allowed?"- he smirks.

"What are you planning?"- you squint, your heart beating fast in anger, hands already starting to shake.

"Nothing. But, I must say. You look really pretty in that dress. How come you never wear dresses for me?"- Felix bites on his lip, giving you the elevator eyes.

"Why would I wear dresses for you?"- you say through gritted teeth.

"You're really hot when you're mad."- he whispers, reaching his hand to touch your face but you grab his wrist mid-air.

"Don't touch me."- you say angrily, and both of you step away from each other as you hear Hyunjin coming back.

Felix just smirks at you again.

And even though you tried to get out of it, make just the two of them hang out or somehow make Felix leave, you ended up sitting on the couch between them.

Hyunjin suggested a movie night, and Felix was ofcourse all for it and that's how you ended up practically cuddled between them.

Your brain is racing, heart beating out of your chest as Hyunjin leans his head on your shoulder and comments on the movie, completely unaware of Felix's wandering hand under the blanket.

You couldn't believe he was this bold. Hyunjin was not even an arm's length away from him and Felix somehow managed to sneak his hand on your thigh.

At first, you jumped a little and Hyunjin asked if you were alright and you made some poor excuse as Felix squeezed your plushy flesh.

You hated how it made you feel, how any touch by him, even if it was feather-like made your core throb. Felix knew exactly what he was doing.

So, you decided to excuse yourself and go to bed.

Hyunjin kept asking if you were alright and you kept answering that you were just tired.

-

You weren't tired, no far from that. You were turned on by Felix touching you while Hyunjin was right there. What the hell is wrong with you?, you think.

"Baby, you okay?"- Hyunjin peers into your room.

"Did Lix leave?"- you ask.

"He did."- Hyunjin says and comes in, closing the door behind him. "Are you mad at him or something?"- he cautiously asks, kneeling behind you as you lay wrapped up in your blanket.

"No... I just wanted us to have the day to ourselves."- you say.

"Aw baby, I'm all yours now, I promise."- Hyunjin leans over you, kissing your head. "You still tired or you wanna continue where we left off today?"- he smirks, wiggling his eyebrows and you chuckle at him as you turn to look at him.

"Remind me where we left off."- you tease and Hyunjin grips your blanket, slowly pulling it down and leaving you just in a shirt and panties.

He leans in and kisses your neck, his hands splayed on your hips as you spread your legs to make room for him.

You try hard to not think about anything or anyone else, as Hyunjin's gentle hands caress your skin, his lips hot against you, worshipping you with all he has.

You're still trying, when Hyunjin's deep inside you, touching spots no one else has, when he whispers praise and love into your ear. Your head is thrown back, eyes closed and you clench around him.

"Ah- Felix!"- lost in the pleasure, it slips out of your lips and you both freeze.

"What did you just say?"- Hyunjin stops his movement and your eyes snap open.

"What did I say?"- you hope he hasn't heard you. You hope you hadn't said it actually, maybe you just thought of it.

"Why the hell would you moan Felix's name?"- Hyunjin asks, slipping out of you, his face unreadable.

"I- I don't know, Hyun! It slipped out! We were hanging out with him earlier and-" -you scramble to sit up.

"Bullshit! We hung out with him a million times before and you've never moaned his name while were making love."- Hyunjin stands up, clearly mad.

"Hyunjin, it's not what you think-"

"And what is it I'm thinking y/n? Why don't you enlighten me?"

"I-"

"I can't do this right now."- Hyunjin shakes his head, picking some of his clothes up.

"Where are you going?"- you ask, eyes already welling up with tears.

"To clear my head, before I do shit I'll regret."- he says and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

You can't believe you just did that. You can't believe you moaned your lovers name right into your boyfriend's face.

Your heart starts racing as your stomach churns. Your breaths become laboured and your hands shake. You feel like you're slipping into a panicked state, unable to even see because of the tears blurring your vision.

Your hand reaches out for your phone and you shakily manage to go into your contacts and click on his name.

"F-Felix?"- your ears are buzzing.

"Y/n?"- he answers.

"Where a-are you?"- you barely choke out, a sob escaping your lips.

"I'm home. Where are you? What's wrong?!"- he sounds concerned.

"I... I made a mistake. Hyunjin left. Please. Please come see me. I think - I think I'm gonna have a panic attack."- you somehow manage to say.

"Fuck, okay I'll be right there. Just, just stay with me on the phone, okay? Just try and take deep breaths together with me, hm?"- you hear rustling, and him slamming the door of his apartment, you assume.

"Okay, I'll try."- you say, tears now freely streaming down your cheeks as you still sit in bed, clutching the blanket that is wrapped around your shaking body.

"I'll drive as fast as I can, okay?"- he says.

"Be safe."- you say, and Felix's hands grip the wheel harshly as he hits the gas.

"Sure."- he says. "Now, let's try and take those deep breaths in."

-

Felix arrives in less than twelve minutes, you hear his hurried footsteps running from the door to your room.

"Y/n?"- he calls out as he walks in and you look up at him, still in the same spot you were in when Hyunjin stormed out.

You can't really talk as you sob and hiccup and Felix rushes to your side, grabbing your shaking hands.

"What happened?"- he asks and you shake your head.

"It's okay, I'm here."- Felix sighs sadly, pulling you into his embrace, your hands grip his shirt and you bury your face into his chest and keep crying.

He's caressing your head, shushing you and whispering comforting words like he always does.

You manage to calm down a little after a few minutes.

"Can you tell me what happened now?"- Felix asks quietly, his hands coming up to wipe away your tears.

"I fucked up. I fucked up bad."

"What did you do?"- he asks, taking your hands in his once again.

"I- I accidentally said your name while Hyunjin and I were- you know-"

"Oh. Oh."- Felix looks stunned.

"He was so mad, Lix. Like he already knew something."

"What did he say?"

"He said he needs to clear his head before he does something he'll regret."- you say.

"Look, I'm not gonna lie and say I wouldn't be glad if the two of you broke up. But, I'm also your friend and I don't want you to be hurt."

"It's too late. I already hurt myself, it's all my fault."- you start crying again.

"Shh, I'm at fault too. You're not alone in this, y/n."- Felix says as he holds your face and leans in to kiss you and you let him.

You don't know why but you always let him. Your brain and your body find comfort in Felix, even though it's wrong. Even if he's using you in your fucked up state.

A voice inside you tells you he isn't just using you and that's probably why you can never push him away.

Not even when the bedroom doors open and you hear Hyunjin scoff.

Felix and you practically fly away from each other, startled by the sound.

"Hyunjin!"- you freak out as Felix stands up from the bed.

"I can't believe I was right. After everything, both of you put a knife in my back."- Hyunjin eyes the both of you, something distant and cold in his usually warm eyes.

"Hyunjin it's not-"

"Shut up, you cheating whore!"- he loses it suddenly.

"Don't talk to her like that!"- Felix intervenes.

"Or what? You gonna hit me after you fucked my girlfriend, huh best friend?"

Felix shuts his mouth, guilt finally catching up to him as a lump forms in his throat.

"How long have you two been going behind my back? Just answer me that."- Hyunjin breathes deeply, his ears and neck painted red in rage.

"A year or so."- you answer quietly.

"A year- Okay. Well. I'm done with the both of you. Don't even bother trying to explain or contact me. I'll send someone to pick my stuff up from here cause I don't ever wanna see your faces again. You two are disgusting and you deserve each other. Now you can enjoy together without me being in the way of your happiness."- Hyunjin spits and you can see tears forming in his eyes but he turns around quickly before either of you can react and he's gone.

Hyunjin is gone.

Rage bubbles up inside you, you're mad. You're mad at your poor decision making, at your weakness, you're mad at throwing away a good thing, you're mad at Felix but mostly at yourself.

Still, you take it out on him.

You get up and grab some of your clothes as Felix watches you getting dressed quickly.

"Are you happy now, Felix?"- you say angrily.

"Me? Oh, so now this is all my fault."- he throws his hands up angrily.

"It's not but you said you'd be happy if Hyunjin and I broke up. Are you happy now?"

"I didn't say that exactly. But, I'm also not exactly sad. I'm only worried about you."

"You don't get to worry about me."- you say, shaking with anger.

"W-what do you mean? What about us?"- his voice wavers.

"Us? There is no us, Felix. There never was and there never will be."

"Don't - don't say that. You don't mean that."- Felix looks pained. Your heart hurts because of everything. You can't take it. You can't look at him. Not right now.

"What, you thought I'd jump into your arms the moment Hyunjin steps out?"

"You don't have a problem jumping into my arms any time you feel like it."- Felix crosses his arms.

"What does that mean?"

"What I said. You call me. I always answer. You invite yourself to my apartment. I always let you in. You need a shoulder to cry on, you always lean on me. You need someone to fuck your sadness away, so I let you use me. Did you ever ask if I needed support? A shoulder to cry on? Did you ever ask how I feel?"- he's angry now, his lips trembling.

"Don't make this about you."- you say.

"No, because everything is about you. And I still want to stay next to you. Even if you're being selfish, I'd take it. I'd take any crumb you give me, like a fucking stray dog."- Felix says angrily.

"That sounds like your problem and not mine. I don't want you here. Not anymore. I want you to leave."- you say coldly.

"Really? You don't... You don't care about me at all?"

You don't answer, turning your back to him as your eyes water again.

"Goodbye, Felix."

Taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @yongbokkiesworld @selinia86 @xxkhxndlelitexx @hash2013

[frankingsteinery]

i’ve seen a lot of people in general agreement of the headcanon that victor is on the spectrum, but i’ve very rarely seen someone examine the why, and being the persnickety superfluous person that i am (and not being immune to projection myself) i thought i’d try my hand at it and break down his autistic traits!

disclaimer that this interpretation is speculative and is simply my unprofessional neurodivergent opinion + it’s based on contemporary understandings of psychology, which were not part of shelley's context, however autistic people have always existed even if there wasnt a word for it during that time period, etc etc. you know the drill

without further ado!

-- communication & social interaction

first and foremost, many autistics struggle with socialization. victor’s inclination to attach himself to a single friend (henry) and only talking to those inside of his close circle rather than forming many connections reflects this tendency, and he himself acknowledges his dislike and indifference of strangers. for example:

“It was my temper to avoid a crowd and to attach myself fervently to a few. I was indifferent, therefore, to my school-fellows in general; but I united myself in the bonds of the closest friendship to one among them”

“My life had hitherto been remarkably secluded and domestic, and this had given me invincible repugnance to new countenances… I believed myself totally unfitted for the company of strangers”

furthermore, he lacks relationship degradation (he does not require regular interaction or relationship maintenance to sustain a bond). during the creation process, he (presumably) goes months without writing to his family and friends, which clerval lectures him for:

“Very well, and very happy, only a little uneasy that they hear from you so seldom. By the by, I mean to lecture you a little upon their account myself."

yet upon his arrival at ingolstadt:

"...nothing could equal [his] delight on seeing Clerval."

victor also takes things literally several times and social nuances can fly over his head. he demonstrates this literalism when first meeting elizabeth:

"And when, on the morrow, she presented Elizabeth to me as her promised gift, I, with childish seriousness, interpreted her words literally and looked upon Elizabeth as mine"

and, of course, the infamous i will be with you on your wedding-night scene, when the creature obviously means he tends to harm elizabeth, not victor himself:

“It is well. I go; but remember, I shall be with you on your wedding-night.” I started forward and exclaimed, “Villain! Before you sign my death-warrant, be sure that you are yourself safe!"

he also goes nonverbal and groans/vocalizes instead of speaking when upset. there's several instances of this that i can recall (i believe another is with walton), but i could only find one, where elizabeth has to speak for him during their visit to justine:

"When she saw who it was, she approached me and said, “Dear sir, you are very kind to visit me; you, I hope, do not believe that I am guilty?” ... I could not answer. “No, Justine,” said Elizabeth"

and this is more of a sidenote but he gives walton every. minute. detail. of his story, including his childhood in-depth (which was not particularly relevant to the moral of victors tale, which was the whole reason he wound up sharing his story in the first place) which definitely feels like. Something. reminiscent of infodumping almost.

-- repetitive behaviors

victor shows both repetitive motions and repetitive language to such an extent that it'd be ridiculous to put them all here, particularly when he is distressed and agitated. some of these motions include clasping his hands, covering his face with his hands, and gnashing his teeth, which he does on walton's boat, after finding out about william's death, in his confrontation with the creature, during his time at the orkney islands, etc. the use of certain phrases/verbal repetition  include his many "great god!"s and "begone!"s, which he usually says in reaction to the creature or while grieving a loved one. these behaviors are arguably self-stimulatory (stimming) and done to cope with overwhelming, stressful situations.

-- fixations/spinterests

ths one's perhaps his most blatant characteristic. victor has a highly focused, intense interest, initially in in the workings of the world itself:

"It was the secrets of heaven and earth that I desired to learn... still my inquiries were directed to the metaphysical, or in its highest sense, the physical secrets of the world."

"The world was to me a secret, which I desired to discover;"

"I have described myself as always having been imbued with a fervent longing to penetrate the secrets of nature"

this is to the extent that his education is noticeably different from his peers, both in acceleration in the topic of his choice and neglect of other, more typical studies due to the intensity of this focus:

“I confess that neither the structure of languages, nor the code of governments, nor the politics of various states possessed attractions for me.”

“…but by some fatality the overthrow of these men disinclined me to pursue my accustomed studies.”

this early fixation eventually narrows into a special interest in ancient alchemy, after victor finds one of agrippa's works and a "new light seems to dawn upon [his] mind," upon which he proceeds to acquire all the works of agrippa and other authors:

"When I returned home my first care was to procure the whole works of this author, and afterwards of Paracelsus and Albertus Magnus. I read and studied the wild fancies of these writers with delight; they appeared to me treasures known to few besides myself"

this remains his special interest until he is a teenager, upon which, after finding out ancient alchemy has been disproven, he takes up mathematics until his arrival at ingolstadt. then, his interest shifts into a fixation on natural philosophy, particularly chemistry, which becomes his "sole occupation":

"He concluded with a panegyric upon modern chemistry, the terms of which I shall never forget... one by one the various keys were touched which formed the mechanism of my being; chord after chord was sounded, and soon my mind was filled with one thought, one conception, one purpose"

"I read with ardour those works, so full of genius and discrimination, which modern inquirers have written on these subjects... the stars often disappeared in the light of morning whilst I was yet engaged in my laboratory. As I applied so closely, it may be easily conceived that my progress was rapid. My ardour was indeed the astonishment of the students, and my proficiency that of the masters"

which, of course, develops into an interest in physiology and the structure of the human frame, which leads to his obsession over the secret of life, followed by being "thus engaged, heart and soul, in one pursuit" during the creation of the creature.

-- intense, volatile emotions; resistance to change

in general, victor is very emotionally demonstrative, and has difficulty managing these emotions. he also experiences quick fluctuations in emotion. this is something he has experienced since childhood, and is something he maintains as an adult, when he acknowledges that:

"My temper was sometimes violent…"

some examples of these shifts in emotion:

"My heart, which was before sorrowful, now swelled with something like joy..."

"Sometimes he commanded his countenance and tones and related the most horrible incidents with a tranquil voice, suppressing every mark of agitation; then, like a volcano bursting forth, his face would suddenly change to an expression of the wildest rage as he shrieked out imprecations on his persecutor"

hand in hand with his emotional dysregulation, he shows resistance to change and has strong reactions to this change. the most obvious example of this is during the animation of the creature:

"The different accidents of life are not so changeable as the feelings of human nature... but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart"

"Mingled with this horror, I felt the bitterness of disappointment; dreams that had been my food and pleasant rest for so long a space were now become a hell to me; and the change was so rapid, the overthrow so complete!"

but it also occurs when moving to ingolstadt, suggesting a discomfort with unfamilarity and a need for stability:

I threw myself into the chaise that was to convey me away and indulged in the most melancholy reflections. I, who had ever been surrounded by amiable companions, continually engaged in endeavouring to bestow mutual pleasure—I was now alone.

-- black-and-white thinking

this aspect is most clearly shown through the way victor thinks about, and drops and gains interests and relationships. he spends years studying ancient alchemy and it is his principle interest, and then drops it on a dime and suddenly looks upon this passion with contempt:

“By one of those caprices of the mind which we are perhaps most subject to in early youth, I at once gave up my former occupations, set down natural history and all its progeny as a deformed and abortive creation, and entertained the greatest disdain for a would-be science which could never even step within the threshold of real knowledge. In this mood of mind I betook myself to the mathematics and the branches of study appertaining to that science as being built upon secure foundations, and so worthy of my consideration”

later, he spends four years with his mind filled with "one thought, one conception, one purpose" studying the processes of life so intensely he forgoes adequate food, water and rest. this culminates in the creation and subsequent animation of the creature, which he again turns around and abandons this interest immediately, to the extent that he cannot bear to think of natural philosophy:

Ever since the fatal night, the end of my labours, and the beginning of my misfortunes, I had conceived a violent antipathy even to the name of natural philosophy.

it's a very polarized, all-or-nothing approach that is mirrored with his relationships, too, which he alternatedly neglects -- he cuts contact when he goes to ingolstadt but abruptly picks it up again when henry comes into his life; when the creature flees victor's apartment, victor treats it as if he never existed entirely; his family only comes to the center of the narrative again when he gets the letter from alphonse about william's murder, despite 2 years having been passed at ingolstadt, etc.

and finally;

-- low empathy

victor repeatedly focuses solely on his own internal emotional experience, and struggles to fully comprehend and understand the depth of feelings of others and respond with compassion in conventional ways. during justine's trial, for instance, he elevates his own suffering above justine's, even as she faces her literal execution:

I rushed out of the court in agony. The tortures of the accused did not equal mine; she was sustained by innocence, but the fangs of remorse tore my bosom and would not forgo their hold.

Despair! Who dared talk of that? The poor victim, who on the morrow was to pass the awful boundary between life and death, felt not, as I did, such deep and bitter agony. 

similarly, victor dismisses ernest's grief after william's death, he frames it in terms of how it affects himself -- telling ernest to "be more calm" to avoid causing his own discomfort:

Ernest began to weep as he said these words. “Do not,” said I, “welcome me thus; try to be more calm, that I may not be absolutely miserable the moment I enter my father’s house after so long an absence.

this detachment suggests not deliberate cruelty (victor very clearly loves his family, and he's said to be kind several times) but a limited capacity to process and respond to other's emotions. this is a detachment that extends to his views of the dead. during the creation of the creature, he refers to the corpses he utilizes as only "materials" instead of once having been fully-fledged human beings, and he does not contemplate the lives or dignity of the deceased.

aaaaaand thats it! thank you for indulging my. headcanon projection land. let me know what you all think...

[lifelaughloveharrystyles]

Ross Lynch: givemewhatuwant

*on tour with the driver era 2024*

“Y/N do you know where we are at?” Garrison calls from the back of the bus with all the boys.

The Driver Era has been on tour for about a month now, traveling all over the east coast showcasing their phenomenal songs that they made from scratch. I had the amazing opportunity to come on the tour as one of the equipment managers. This has been my biggest dream in my career, working at “The Doors Rock Shop”. It’s a well known instrument company in Atlanta Georgia where people would go to get a guitar and a crystal at the same time. I got this amazing job with touring The Driver Era with my cousin Poppy who is with us on tour as one of the tour photographers.

“Y/N!” Ryland shouts from the back. I look outside to see we are about to arrive to the venue in Asheville North Carolina. “we are about to pull up to the venue guys!” I said looking to the back of the bus and I see Ross in the hall with just pajamas pants on. “Word! i’m ready to stretch my legs and get out and move.” Ross said stretching his arms looking like he just woke up from a nap.

Ross and I have gotten really close on this tour. i’m normally not on their bus, i travel in a large van behind the bus with the crew. We haven’t stopped talking to each other whether it’s in person while im helping carry his beautiful gibson to him when he goes in for his solos or text. We make these jokes everytime I have to give his guitar to him in a show and I always make a bet with him about how many girls will scream “take your shirt off!”. Secretly I was jealous I couldn’t be those beautiful girls making him smile and shake his hips like that and pleading to take his shirt off for me. Having him as a friend is the best, I just know he could never like me that way. I’m his equipment manager, I lift speakers and drums for a living and he’s a fucking rockstar sex god. I mean look at his recent ex. like how can I compare to Jaz Sinclair. I have to be just a friend to protect myself from that energy.

Everyone ends up scattering across the venue to start their projects for the day. The show starts at 8 so I scramble around to the strings van to transfer the instruments to their spots on the stage so the boys can start soundchecking and tuning their guitars to the songs.

“Y/N why is it you’re always the one carrying the most stuff in the building when Greg is suppose to do that because of your knee.” Riker says from the green room where I walked in with a coffee for myself and him. “Riker i’m telling you Greg is so fucking slow I can’t bear watching him take 45 minutes to set up a guitar stand. I gotta get the shit done so I can actually enjoy myself for the day.” I express to him and i’m frazzled pinging from one corner of the stage to the other figuring out all the wires and amps so they can start their sound check.

“Y/N take a deep breath or a certain someone is going to come in here and see this and raise hell.” Riker laughed as he secretly points in the direction of Ross and Rocky’s green room. I roll my eyes and wave him off not believing a word he said.

Riker thinks he’s slick with trying to hook me up with Ross ever since we started the tour. i’ve seen the small hints of asking ross to come to me when he can’t find the setlist or where his extra picks are. Riker is basically our tour mom, he is making everyone smoothies and making sure everyone is hydrated before every show. Besides Ross, me and Riker have been attached to the hip.

“Shut up Riker before I grab a pair of scissors and cut your bass strings” I jokingly threaten him with a huge smile on my face.

“Oh God Riker what did you do to piss Y/N off again?” Ross said coming out of the side stage with a vintage baseball cap that says “i’m a local celebrity” with a white tee and baggy light washed denim pants. he slings his arm over my shoulder making us sway to the random song playing on the speakers. I look up to see him already looking down at me with that infamous smile he wears. “Nice Hat pretty boy.” i laughed and flicked the bill of the hat. “So which songs are we playing tonight? any newbies?” I smile back at him really hoping he’ll play one of my favorite songs at the show tonight. “Yes Y/N we are playing givemewhatuwant and Natural if that’s what you’re asking.” he chuckles and pulls away from me to pick up his guitar to start sound checking. I squeal and jump off the stage and start jogging to the doors to get the rest of the equipment “YES ROSS YOURE THE BEST” I scream at him and blow him a friendly kiss as I run out the door.

*Ross’ POV*

Y/N is the most precious and loving human I have ever met. she just brightens the room when she walks in. Whether it’s her bubbly personality or just her energy she radiates, it’s one of the reasons why I love having her close by. She makes me feel like life is worth living again. Heartbreak after heartbreak, I felt like love isn’t an option for me anymore. I have thousands of people falling at my feet but it never fills the void of feeling unloved. Hookups and one night stands can only do so much to the point even sex isn’t appealing to you anymore. Ever since Y/N walked into my life, it’s has taken a complete 180. I feel lighter. happier. I wake up excited for the day knowing I get to see and talk to the most beautiful woman I have ever met. She doesn’t compare to any girl I have ever been with or even seen. Befriending her was my first hit in the game and i’m ready for the home run. I want her to be mine. I need her to be my girl. I feel like I can’t live life without her by my side. she completes me in a way I have never felt before. I’m worried i’ll scare her away if I confess what i’ve been feeling inside. I just need to rip the bandaid and just go for it, be a man and express this to this wonderful girl.

*10 minutes before showtime*

*Y/N POV*

“what’s our bet tonight Ross?” I ask him walking up to the band. I just finished helping set up the stage for The Driver Era after Valé’s performance. She did amazing as she does every night. Tonight however the energy feels a bit off. Ross looks like he’s in his head about something and I just don’t know what. Everything went smoothly today and the crowd already has such a good vibe for the night, there’s nothing else to worry about. “Ross? You good?” I asked while rubbing his arm while he looks off in the distance.

“Yeah i’m good, just in my head a bit. Nothing to worry about, probably stage fright.” he has a fake smile plastered on his face to try and not worry me. I know him better than anyone that he is in his head about something and it’s definitely not stage fright.

“Do you need to talk before you go on? you are not good. you can try and fake smile at me but you know it’s not going to work. What’s going on in that head of yours?” I step forward to see his full face instead of the side and look up in those beautiful hazel brown eyes he adorns on his face. he sighs loudly and closes his eyes before opening them he says. “Y/N there’s been a lot of shit going on in my life and ever since I met you, it seems like everything disappeared when you walked in the room. You make me so happy and giddy to the point I get antsy when I don’t see you first thing in the morning. You light up my life and I know we only have known each other for a month but I feel it. My God I hope you feel it too so I don’t feel like the biggest idiot before this sold out show. I like you Y/N, I don’t want to wake up without you by my side. Please tell me you feel the same.” he pleads and grabs

my face in his hands and put his forehead to mine.

“Just shut up and kiss me Ross. I’ve been waiting way too long for you to say those words. I just need your lips on mine before you-“ he slams his lips on mine before I could sentence my sentence. I wrap my arms around his neck melting in his arms loving every second of this moment.

“Ross let’s go! you’ll have plenty of time to make out with Y/N after the show, come on!” Rocky shouts from the side stage making us break away from our heavy kiss. I smile and push him towards his brother. “Lucky for you i’m going to be in the pit with Poppy helping her take photos. I promise to get the best angles, I might sneak a couple just for my entertainment.” I smirk and he laughs and kisses my cheek and runs on stage right on his cue.

The boys are rocking out and came out full throttle. I’ve been helping poppy this show because one of the extra photographers called out and couldn’t make it. I can already feel the energy in this knowing it’s gonna be a great night. “ Y/N why has Ross been staring and smirking at you all night? Did he finally have the balls to do it?” She smirks at me side glancing to the stage. I look up and sure enough he’s staring at me with hooded eyes with his hair clinging to his sweaty forehead. He squats down to my level and curls his finger for me to come closer. I take a step towards him and he whispers “you are making it incredibly hard for me to stop this show and take you backstage to have my girl strip that skirt off so I can fuck that beautiful pussy.” he kisses my earlobe and pulls away before I could even react. my jaw drops and I step back and look at poppy and she’s busting out laughing at my reactions and hugs me and squeals in excitement. She always said from day one that Ross will end up falling over me. I brushed it out because of stupidity and insecurities. Now i’m like ‘fuck she’s right…. again’.

“That man is already planning the wedding in his brain and he hasn’t even gotten in your pants yet. I saw the kiss when I was setting up. “ She says while snapping pictures of the band while they play “Natural”. I get excited and dance and sing along. I decide to tease ross a bit, i shake my hips to the beat and drag my palms up my stomach making my shirt ride up a bit. He notices and bites his lip and tilts his hat down and looks at me with sultry eyes. I wink at him and flick him off. he smirks and proceeds to perform the rest of the song.

The show finally ended and the boys are celebrating in the green room with a couple of drinks. I finished my job for the night when I start searching for Ross to actually start my night. I feel hands wrap around my middle and I instantly melt when I smell fresh body wash and sandalwood. “Let’s go to the bus, I promise to keep my hands to myself” Ross mumbles kissing my neck with his hands roaming my hips pulling me closer to his warmth. I chuckle and turn my head to see his face and tease his lips with mine before I dart towards the direction of the bus. I hear his laughs behind me when I get up to the door to the bus.

he meets me inside and starts teasing my neck again guiding me to the back of the bus. He closes the sliding door and locks it in place. I arch my neck towards him in a way to let him know I want his lips on me. He starts sucking on my neck behind my ear. he kisses all the way to my lips and he slams his lips on mine. I moan and run my fingers through his hair and tug at the ends. He groans in my mouth and starts unzipping my corset like top. I gasp when I feel the cold air on my bare back. The shirts comes loose from my body and falls at our feet. “Beautiful” He whispers to himself when he see my breasts in full exposure. He starts peppering kisses all over my breasts and he cups his lips around my nipple and start sucking to drive me wild. I moan a sound that has never escaped from me before and I tug his face up to mine “Just fuck me already Ross. I need you so bad. Feel how wet I am” I whimper grabbing his hand and pressing it to my core. he rubs his fingertips against the sensitive nub and I moan loudly biting my lip. He shrugs his pants off and throws his shirt somewhere while I undress myself as fast as I can. “I wanted this to be slow and make this moment last as long as possible but I can’t bear anything anymore. I need to be inside you baby.” Ross said as he slips on a condom with a groan. He pushes the tip towards my entrance and I close my eyes waiting for the first push. “Look at me Y/N. I need to see your face” he pleads. I open my eyes the same time he enters me and I gasp at the size of him. He slowly thrusts in and out letting me get used to his size.

“Faster Baby. Fuck you feel so good” I scream as his pace picks up. he grabs my leg and throws it over his left shoulder slamming his hips into the back of my thighs. He presses a hand against my stomach and I moan feeling him deeper inside of me. “Fuck baby I can feel it. My god your pussy is perfect. You’re so tight, you were made for me” He groans fucking me harder making me slam a hand on the window beside me. “Ross i’m so close. please let me cum. fuck baby” I moan in his ear and drag my nails down his back. “Yes baby. Let go for me. Cum all over my cock. Make a mess of me. “ he slams his hips into mine as we both hit our climax at the same time. he thrusts slowly while we come from our highs. I breathe heavily and rest my head on the armrest of couch. Ross slowly lays his head on my breast letting some of his weight fall on me. I run my hand through his hair and just smile wanting this moment to never end.

“Whatcha thinking about beautiful?” he asked slowly pulling out making me wince. “Just realizing how did I get this lucky? I don’t deserve you.” my eyes start tearing up looking at his eyes and studying all of his features. “You don’t deserve me? You got it all wrong baby. You are the most beautiful human I have ever laid my eyes on. We are meant to be here in this moment for a reason and I know down the road we will look back at this time and just laugh and smile about all these memories we have made together. I want to make memories with you forever Y/N. l- I love you so fucking much I can’t hold it in anymore.” He rambles sitting up on the L shaped couch and pulling me to his chest. I breathe in his scent and close my eyes. “Ross, I love you so much it makes it hard for me to breathe. I’ll love you to the day I die.” I look up at him and he slams his lips on mine putting a hand over my heart to feel the thumps of my rapid heartbeat. Our lips move and he slips his tongue in and our tongues dance along together lazily.

We finally had the energy to get up after 30 minutes of lazy kisses and just appreciating the moment we just shared. Everyone comes back to the bus after the celebratory shots.

“So where did both of you guys run off too earlier?” Garrison asked slipping on a hoodie and a crochet bucket hat I made for him in Wisconsin. “I don’t kiss and tell but it was definitely fun for sure.” Ross winks and pulls me to sit on his lap.

“They fucked in the back of the bus. there’s a hand print on the window to prove it.” Ryland said smirking into his tequila soda. I roll my eyes and tap the bottom of his cup to make it spill all over his neck and shirt. “Y/N what the fuck dude!” he shouts snatching napkins from Riker. I laugh so hard I snort and then that makes everyone in the bus have a laughing fit. I lean my head back on ross’ shoulder and he kisses the top of my head whispering “I love you” in my ear. my eyes start drooping and I fall asleep on the love of my life and already can’t wait to wake up to experience this life with him.

[viktorsblanket]

MENTIONS - Smut, Public sex, FTM!Reader, Pussy eating, edging, fingering, stretching out, fucking your boss, daddy kink, praising, Imk if I missed anything!

You were at work, organizing files and cleaning around your work desk. It was a mess from the amount of work your Boss, Toji, was giving you. You honestly wanted to quit that man give you no breaks and always put so much work on you. 'I swear. this dickhead puts all this work on me then doesn't give me a raise?' You thought in your head.

As angry as you were though you needed to keep your composure and stay calm, it was almost the end of the day and you figured you'd just talk to him after work like regular adults instead of yelling at him. Although you wanted too..you sighed finishing up with the organizing.

You noticed your co-worker, Gojo! You loved Gojo about how funny and chill of a dude he was. Who wouldn't? He's the only thing that makes working under Toji enjoyable, after all that man worked you to the bone. "Hey Gojo! You heading home?" You asked looking at him with a warm smile, he then spoke back in his normal silly tone. "You bet your ass I am, another second here and I swear I could just lose my MIND!" He joked chuckling softly he grabbed his bag that carried his files, documents, and work papers. "But yeah I am heading home, I'll see you tomorrow, L/N."

You sighed as you noticed he walked out the doors, you were finishing up as you finally finished, looping your bag around your shoulders you walked to Toni's office, he was still there as he obviously had to stay over until everyone was gone or until his own work was finished. You looked at him and became slightly nervous. You were sweating bullets..god how were you going to ask him for a raise? What if he fires you? What if he adds more onto your work? You brushed all those thoughts aside and begun to speak in slightly shaky nervous tone, "Toji, sir. I think I deserve a raise.. l've been putting on all of these extra assignments and projects with no break. And you still pay me the same."

He looked at you raising an eyebrow, he then spoke in a low tone, "you? a raise? Why should I?" He grinned slightly as he softly chuckled as he looked into your eyes before his attention turned back to his computer, he took a sip of his coffee, such an asshole of a boss. You wish you could get him fired. Your eyebrows slightly furrowed as your expression became a bit more stern and angry, "sir, as I just STATED..l've been working way more than my pay salary I dese—" he cut you off as he was barely looking at you or paying you any mind, "I heard what you said, but it's your job. Is it not? To listen to your boss." He said in a cocky tone.

You stood there. in shock..was he normally like this? You wondered. You then became a bit more agitated as you walked up to his desk slamming your hands on the table staring into his green eyes, you slightly blushed before snapping out of it..what was that? You've never had that reaction before but you then spoke once again in a bit more of an angry tone, "Just because you're my boss doesn't mean you otta be a dick. All I'm asking is pay me what I'm worth." He looked back at you into your eyes, he grinned once more before closing his laptop. "Hm..y'know, maybe you need to prove yr'self that you're worth such a pay."

You sighed as you then rubbed the bridge of your nose in annoyance, you then spoke in a frustrated tone. "And how am I supposed to prove myself more?" He then got up from his seat, standing up fully. He was much taller and bigger than you..you seriously needed to know his work out routine his body was so fit and.. snap out of it oh my god?! You watched him walk to the door closing and locking it, you raised your head asking "sir? Why are you locking the door?" You asked a bit curious on why he would do that. Were you in trouble? Shit.

"No, you aren't in trouble. I actually have a way you could prove yourself..maybe a promotion." Your eyes lit up as you then smiled a bit, "really? What is it?!" You asked with a bit of hope as you noticed his grin, he walked towards you as he slightly leaned down. "Are you good at pleasing men, L/N? If so..you'd be perfect. The position pays much more than your current one." Your eyes widened as you jaw hung open a bit..you shook your head and processed what he said. "By pleased..you mean..sex?" You asked with a slight blush on your face, sweating even more than when you first walked in.

"Correct," he said his face suddenly now inches away from his..he spoke but his voice was different..it sounded like desire and lust. "Are you up for the job, sweetheart?" He placed his large hand on the side of your face softly caressing it. You thought about it..sleeping with your boss for extra money? But you needed the extra cash. You were sometimes late on rent and this could help so you agreed, "fine."

"Good boy." He said as he then began to kiss you, it was deep and passionate, barely leaving any room for air he closed all gaps you could barely pull away. Every time the both of your lips parted he quickly smashed his against your quickly, you slowly but slowly then kissed him back..you felt yourself getting wet from this. Oh my god. Did you really enjoy this? You did..every second of it too. Obviously from the way you softly moaned his name through out the make out session you both had.

He then broke the kiss, looking at you..the state you were in. You were panting and whimpering slightly, Toji began to make his hands down onto your buckle before he then undid your belt pulling down your pants. His dick throbbed and got hard seeing the panties you were wearing..black laced panties barely hiding your folds, your wetness. "You're already this wet? Shit we wouldn't need lube at this point." You looked away embarrassed as he blatantly called you out.

He also undid his pants as he slid them down letting them drop to his ankles, his coco sprung free and you looked down eyes quickly widening at the length of it..?? No 9 inches. 9 fucking inches..you weren't even sure if that would even fucking fit. "There's no way that'll fit.." you mumbled your thoughts out loud as he smirked and chuckled, "oh it will. Don't worry doll, it will. I'll make it fit."

You blinked..wondering how he'd make that big dick of his fit..but you trusted him..you then spoke up. "um..sir, l'm a uh. I'm a virgin." You looked away embarrassed since your first time was going like this, such a weird and embarrassing way to lose your virginity. "Oh? That's fine. I'll take good care of you, Y/N." He said in a slightly gentle but low tone as he then laid you out onto his office desk, your legs hanging off of it. He slowly pulled down your black laced panties as he slowly leaned his face closer to your cunt. He slid a finger in with ease, he then latched his mouth on your clit.. you shuddered a little as your hips squirmed a bit..”ah..agnh..” you let out soft sweet moans that are like music to his ears.

He began licking and sucking on your clit while his teeth 'accidentally' bit on your clit. Toji slide another finger into your cunt as he then moved them in a scissoring motion. All of your pre-cum leaking onto his fingers, down to his wrist, and onto his arm. You were really getting this turned on just from him fingering you so your tight little cunt could take that huge cock of his. It wasn't your fault you were a virgin or that your cunt was so tight..he then spoke right on your clit sending vibrations on it, "already turned on from this? If I didn't know any better l'd say you've been wantin' this. Hm?"

"N-no! I just..l've never done this before." You said quickly as Toji continued to suck and lick your clit, his nibbling became more frequent as he kept on biting down on it. On purpose, it felt so good..him biting on your bud like that. You loved it, and you wanted more, "don't..stop. Please don't stop.." you begged him bringing a hand to the back of his head bringing his head closer applying more pressure. Toji slipped in a third finger and slid all three of them all the way in. He continued to finger you more as you felt Toji had found 'that spot' you didn't thing it existed and was just some excuse for pornstars to lose their shit too. Your legs began shaking as you felt close to a small release..you needed more wanted more.

"Ffuak..ah..mmh..more..more more more.., you begged him you kept begging babbling like a dumbass. You wanted to feel that sweet release for the first time, "Patient baby, I'll get there." Toji said as he stretched you out more then sliding his fingers out, "h-huh? Why'd you stop?..! was so close." You whined as you then pouted.. "didn't I tell ya' to be patient? Listen to daddy." He said with a sigh as he then brought his tongue to your hole, oh my god oh my god he was eating you out. He put his TONGUE inside YOU!! But holy shit it felt like fucking heaven..it felt so good. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your mouth was hung open, only thing coming out of that mouth of yours were sweet slightly loud moans. You wiggled your hips closer to him as you wrapped your legs around his head so he wouldn't stop.

Toji's tongue was big and long, it felt so slimy and a bit weird but it was amazing..you allow him to stop, he wasn't going to stop anyways even if you asked him too. He wanted to make your first time memorable just so you know no one could fuck you the way he does. So you come back crawling to him for him. Wanting you to desire him..His tongue moved in and out wiggling around your gummy walls. Your pre and slick juices getting on his face and into his mouth was such a turn on for him..especially the way your plush thighs were wrapped around his head..you felt a knot in your stomach that you needed to get rid of..

He put his fingers on your clit applying pressure before rubbing it in a circular motion. he went slow at first but then slowly went faster and faster. The pleasure was too much, you were letting out soft choked moans as you then squirted and came onto Toji's face, "F-FUAK! AH~!..MMPH..NGH..haah..ah..~" you moaned slowly as you laid against his desk, your legs slowly falling onto his shoulders. Oh but don't get tired yet..you aren't done. Oh no you're far from done.

"Getting tired on me that quickly, boy? Oh we aren't done, far from done." He said with a sly grin, that fucking grin..that grin he did always pissed you off but right now was different, it made you wet. Horny. Toji slowly spreads your legs as he stood in between them, admiring the view..your small curvy body. He began unbuttoning your shirt noticing that you were wearing binding tape, "am I allowed to remove this, sweetheart? Only if you're comfortable." He asked, he was being so sweet and gentle? You felt your heart flutter as you nodded your head with approval, be began slowly undoing the binding tape you previously had on, your body was completely exposed to him and you blushed looking away embarrassed, he placed his hand on the side of your face making you look at him, "don't look away, I want you to look at me the whole time, I want you to watch. Okay baby?". "yes, daddy." you said in a soft tone as you kept your eyes locked on him, "good boy. Such a good boy for daddy."

Toji plopped his big cock on your small cunt, it was so long the tip rested near your belly button, oh god..you were a bit nervous for this but you really needed the money..but it wasn't about that anymore was it? Was it also that you maybe wanted this? You desired this but you didn't realize? Fucking your own boss? Letting him fuck and rearrange your guts? Maybe. Toji grabbed your legs holding them together as he began to thigh fuck you, his cock also rubbed against your cunt and clit. You moaned and whimpered softly..the way his tip glided across back and forth on your clit felt so good. Feeling his warmth and how it throbbed and twitched with each small thrust..you grabbed one of his hands holding them. You wanted to be as close to him as possible and if this was one of the only ways then so be it. You needed it, you needed him. You desired everything about him, his big hands, his strong physique, handsome face, his cocky attitude, but also his sweet side.. was he hiding this side from you?

"T-Toji..ut'it innn..." you asked him sweetly, wanting his dick to fuck and stretch you out, if his fingers and tongue felt good then surely his dick had to be like heaven. "You sure about that, Baby? Don't wanna risk hurtin' ya." He said looking at you being a bit cautious, you nodded once more but he spoke up, "use your words..I need to know if you're actually sure." You whined as you then spoke up, "yes, I'm sure. I promise..” you said with a soft smile, you felt some warm substance leak onto my tummy..Toji came. He fucking came on you. "Oops. Sorry darlin. Your face is just so fuckin’ cute when you look at m’like that.” with a slight chuckle. He moved his tip at the entrance of your cunt. His dick slowly sank into your cunt, your walls quickly grasping onto it, his dick was barely in and you're already this needy? Jesus Christ.

He leaned down as he kissed your neck, tracing up to your jaw then back down to your neck going to your chest. He held your legs on his shoulders allowing himself to sink in all the way in those tight walls of yours..he was leaving hickeys and bite marks all over your neck and chest. You were going insane, you moaned and whined from how big his cock was..you were a virgin and his dick was huge. Not your fault your little cunt couldn't take it..so cute. He slowly thrusted into your cunt but going hard at the same time, it was driving you crazy.you moaned like a whore in church as you felt Toji's cock sink deeper into you thrusting in and out.. He then found your 'sweet spot' once again. He knew from the way your back arched and the yelp you let out, you quickly placed your hands on the nape of his neck scratching and gripping onto him for something to grab onto. "Oh? Is this it?" He asked teasingly just resting his cock there not even moving. What a tease. Such a meanie!! You whined and spoke out "nno..don't stop..why'd'ya stop?..please...daddy I need it." You said looking at him with sweet innocent eyes, you were desperate and needy and just wanted your daddy's cock- oops. I mean you boss's cock. All for the money, right?:)

"F-fuck! Yes! Ah! Toji oh my god!" "Don't stop. please.please..PLEASE don't stop oh MY GOD~! Ah..ah~!.AH! HNGH! KNGAH! AAH!" The shit you were saying to him drove him mad, he continued to pound into you like there was no fucking tomorrow. He didn't stop, he didn't slow down, he only went harder and deeper into your cunt as he reached your womb. You felt your body going limp but no matter, he hel as he fucked the shit out of him. "Gon' take it like a good boy, yeah? Yeah you are.” are." A bulge appeared in your stomach a bulge from his ridiculously big dick. He placed his hand over it pressing down on it so you could feel it more, the way he was so deep in you..it almost felt like a dream until you felt him cum inside you. "Hngh..ha. Ffuuckk." He groaned out, he filled your womb to the brim with his hot warm cum painting those pink gummy walls of yours white. He pumped his dick in you a few more times before pulling out and watching the cum seep out your cunt. You slowly closed your eyes panting heavily, you were so worn out and couldn't go anymore. He praised you for taking it so well and for being such a good boy for daddy, "you're such a good boy sweetheart..ya'know that? You took my dick so so well. Starting tomorrow you'll be my secretary, be sure to be in my office tomorrow morning. And it's okay if you can't walk..I'll let you cock warm me as you sit on my lap while I do my work." Toji said kissing your forehead, you passed out. Oh boy.. the day you were going to have tomorrow is going to be just as crazy like today.

[justananxiousweirdo]

can i request joost with a total bastard reader? always rude, sarcastic, laughs at him, but really they js love him deep down because they don't really know how to love?? sorry it's kinda specific.. totally not projecting from myself.. 😳.. THANK YOU THO!! 💖

I love specific and sorry this took me so long to get to.

Joost x Reader

Joost and I had been a little more than friends for a while now. I loved him so much and it hurt not actually being his girlfriend. I loved him so much and I never knew how to properly express that. Instead of normal compliments I always gave him backhanded ones, and I’d always make all types of sarcastic and/or rude comments towards him. I made so many mean jokes at Joost’s expense. I never meant to be so mean but it was like second nature. Like some external force was forcing me to be mean to Joost. Even though I loved him so much I’d always laugh at him.

We met up for a little dinner date and once I got to the restaurant Joost was already sitting at the table. I approached him and he stood to hug me.

“You smell a lot better than you look.”

“…thanks.”

Dinner was full of more comments like that and when Joost spilled some of his beer onto his lap I laughed offensively hard calling him a dumb klutz. I noticed the way Joost got quiet for a short period before nervously speaking up.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course dummy.”

“Why are you always so mean to me? I mean, I thought you liked me but…?”

Oh god. I felt awful. “Of course I like you.”

“You don’t act like it.”

“I’m sorry, Joost. I just don’t know how else to show affection. It’s like a weird love language.”

“… you love me?”

“What?”

“You said it’s a love language.”

“I mean, yeah?”

“So do you love me.”

“How could I not?”

“I love you too.”

Joost stood leaning over the table to give me a passionate kiss. He threw some money on the table, probably enough to pay for our dinners twice.

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

“Of course, you idiot.”

Joost just smiled down at me pressing a soft kiss to my cheek.

I hope I did your request justice. I don’t know why I struggled so much with this one. But love ya, hope this suffices.

[ratgrinders]

anyways ivy embra post because on god if she wont get the scenes in canon ill imagine it myself

Ivy and Oisin were friends in middle school. Oisin was still scrawny and hadn't had his growth spurt yet and Ivy hadn't yet gotten her braces taken off. They meet each other in some group project or club or whatever, the setting doesn't matter, but what happens is you have these two children with the inherent shittiness of middle schoolers who maybe haven't had the easiest time making friends because their passive aggressiveness is too aggressive, their barbs not hidden. And they act the same way with this new, kind of nerdy looking stranger they meet and find a kindred spirit. All of a sudden you're 12/13 years old with an outlet for all the shittalking about your classmates you want. You stick together like glue, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you two because they all fuckin suck anyway, and you finally found someone who isn't a wuss and can give as good as they take.

Oisin gets better at hiding it though, being raised by a long family line of evil dragons who have had to hide their connections in plain sight will do that to you. Ivy never lost that edge around her though.

The first day of classes Freshman Year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, Oisin's met with this group of randos, they seem competent enough, the tall sad one seems nice enough if a bit of a pushover and the small one with the ponytail seems to have her entire academic career planned out already. She's intent on the name the High Five Heroes, it's a pun, get it? Because there's five of them. But Oisin won't go anywhere without his best friend. He pulls Ivy over, and Ivy isn't having the best luck finding a party (she insults them saying why would she want to join a party with any of these losers anyway, when they're put off by one pointed comment too many). Oisin tells the others they could do well with a fighter, that they're sticking together. The tall one, the gnome, and the kobold don't seem to mind (or don't care), but the halfling seems to have swallowed a lemon. "Well, there's six of us now which throws off the entire point of the name, but that's fine! I don't care!" (she's stubborn and doesn't want to change it).

Ivy and Kipperlilly clash CONSTANTLY. Kipperlilly's specific brand of Type A nerdiness and uptightness clashes horrifically with Ivy's specific attitude of not giving a fuck and chronic need to get under people's skin. And yet, Kipperlilly's barely concealed rage and passive aggression leads that same realization Ivy had back in middle school, of having finally found a kindred spirit. If there's two things Kipperlilly and Ivy have in common, it's their initial impression driving most people away, and their need to externalize this jealousy and bad feelings as hatred and disdain for others. They LOVE gossiping. Ivy's always down to be a hater.

Corsica Jones, the fighter teacher, sees Ivy come in on the first day of classes, bow in hand, and is immediately reminded of the sister she lost, who is still missing. Every time she trains Ivy on her stance, on basic hand-to-hand, she's reminded of the times she taught her sister the very same things. She's worried, because Ivy always seems so closed off and not very engaged, so full of rage. Unfortunately Corsica's attempts to reach out and forge a connection are stopped in their infancy when instead the barbarian teacher takes an interest in her. "Well, at least she has support from someone on the faculty, even if it isn't me."

It's Oisin that kills her. They always go off as a pair anyway, and Oisin may have been acting off recently but who is she to judge a bit of anger. But a quick stab to the back, one Choice later, and all Ivy can think about is rage.

After the Mountains of Chaos, Ivy's disdain becomes Venomous. Suddenly its not fun gossip but outright Hatred, its saying words maximized for cruelty directly to the person's face, because there's a kind of sick vindication in hurting the people who rejected you for so long, even if they may not deserve it. She and Kipperlilly don't get along anymore, snide comments and petty jabs devolving into screaming matches and insults. She proposes the name Rat Grinders with Oisin, because her stubbornness at refusing to change the name isn't endearing anymore, and there are six of them, did you oppose me joining the party that badly? It's a bit funny to see her so worked up over a stupid party name, that kind of earnest childish straightforwardness of the High Five Heroes makes her gag. The Rat Grinders is a funny inside joke, and Ivy is not comfortable engaging anymore without that layer of irony. For some reason, it doesn't feel good in the same way to hurt Kipperlilly like this, it just leave a knot of frustration that rankles in her stomach, because why does she care so much??

When Lucy dies, she doesn't remember much. She remembers the realization at the choice she'd made, and the rage that followed. Afterwards, though, was a deep all consuming bitterness. Of course she wasn't coming back, little miss goody two shoes never had any intentions of following through and left the rest of us with the fallout. She never expected otherwise, and she refuses to mourn someone who did not give enough of a shit about them to come back. She doesn't think about how Lucy helped her bleach her hair, how she braided Lucy's in return. How Lucy's birthday was coming up and she bought her new clothes, how that bag will stay unopened in her room now.

When she dies on the floor of her high school gymnasium, desperately defending every callous insult she's made with her dying breath, her last moments are spent locking eyes with her best friend, who is looking on in horror. She thinks back to a similar scenario, last year, when that same friend saw her dying and did nothing. She thinks back to them in seventh grade, trading childish insults without any real weight. And then she doesn't think anything at all.

[resident-idiot-simp]

Honda Odyssey rant aftermath

Thinking about the Honda Odyssey rant again as per usual. I have talked before about the consequences of it and I want to talk more about it.

Logan was having a good day all things considered except for the fact Wade had been off all day. Logan had done his best to figure out what was wrong but some days Wade was just...well slightly off.

Althea had told him the first time it happened when he was living there that it happens every once in awhile. Logan could understand he too had those days. It was a toss up what the issue was today however. Sometimes he knew or was told or could possibly even figure it out. Today he wasn't as lucky.

Wade had been distressingly silent today and it was putting Logan on edge. He had done his best to prompt conversation and It had failed. Althea had tried to give him a understanding look and it kinda helped. He had become so accustomed to the incessant background chatter that the silence made him extremely uneasy.

Logan wishes Wade would talk he wanted it so badly and he did eventually get the courage to ask, "Wade you know I like hearing you talk right?" It was damn near the equivalent of opening his rib cage and tearing out his heart and offering it on a silver platter to Wade.

Wade had just tensed at the insinuation. No innuendo, no sarcastic quip, no nothing. Logan had to fight off the urged to make a wounded noise because fuck that hurt more than he thought it was going to.

Wade took a deep breath and Logan felt hope bloom inside him.

"I thought you hated my chatter."

Logan blinked taken aback sure he always jokingly told Wade to shut up but he never meant that Wade knew he never meant that. So what the hell is this about.

"you know I don't." Logan responded measuredly, unsure of what was going on.

"Do I?" Wade shot back and that only pissed Logan off.

Logan knew damn good and well Wade knew he was joking. He growled at the insinuation.

"YES YOU DO BECAUSE WE ALL LAUGH YOU KNOW I DON'T MEAN IT SERIOUSLY BECAUSE IF I DID I COULD MAKE YOU SHUT UP!"

Wade matched his volume as he shot back, "DO I ALWAYS LAUGH OR DO I JUST AVOID EYE CONTACT AND BREATH DEEPLY?!"

Logan could think of a few occasions of that...yes, but it was always a joke...well ok almost always a joke, but he just couldn't handle the chatter sometimes. But that wasn't the point no the point was-

Wade locked eyes with him and Logan felt his heart drop at the cold look that meet him. Wade who he had gotten so accustomed to looking at so warmly. Warmer than anyone else had ever looked at him without a doubt.

"I thought I was a joke? I thought that was why no one wanted me. I remember vividly you telling me I was a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. That you had never met a sadder, more attention-starved jabbering little prick in your entire life. That Cassandra was right I could never save the world. That I couldn't even managed to save a relationship with a stripper. That you wished I would die alone, but it was one of god's best jokes that I can't die, except that's on everyone else."

Logan frozen Althea froze even the damn dog froze.

"...Wade you know I didn't mean that." Logan said softly. It was a lie... He had ment it he had meant every word at the time. He had been pissed, sober, and mad at the world. It didn't stand however of course it didn't Wade was one of the best people he had ever met.

"Don't lie to me."

"Wade you know that was directed at myself." Logan tried because it had been. He had been projecting but also he knew full well that it would wiggle into all the cracks he saw in Wade and fester. He had been able to spot the same issues he had and use them because he knew violence best.

"Maybe, but don't act like I'm stupid. I know full well that was directed at me as much as it was directed at you. You meant every word."

Logan didn't know how to fix this God help him he didn't. Althea was dead silent and it just made it worse.

"You know." Wade started conversationally and Logan just knew this was going to hurt.

"The talking is just a part of me It's my personality. I can't turn it off trust me I've tried others have tried too. But no matter who beat me or how much I tried to kill myself it never works."

Logan felt his heart drop once more and he couldn't breathe.

"I however can't. And you know it gets to a point where it starts really hurting I mean you would assume you would get used to it right? That you would get used to the comments and the complaints and the whispers, but it's just not possible."

Wade took a shaky breath eyes tearing up.

"And I've had a lot of time to think about it and I've come to the conclusion on why it hurts so much. It's because it's intrinsically me. The talking it's just what makes me...me. So when people keep telling me to shut up It's not just the talking they hate it's me they hate."

Logan feels as his world tilts slightly left as pieces click into place and past experiences come to the forefront.

"Why is it so bad that I'm being myself? Why do people hate it?" Tears slip from his eyes and Logan hates himself with a sudden fervent passion.

"Wade fuck I could never hate any part of you it's not possible. I'm sorry I said those things I really fucking am I wish I could take them back. I was pissed and detoxing in that damn car and was lashing out." Logan croaked.

Wade just blinked letting more tears fall and Logan wanted to prove himself like a damn dog because he never wanted this. He had never wanted to hurt anyone especially not the man he had come to love.

"...I know what you mean Wade I do. The amount of times people have just labeled me as a weapon like that was my only designation. Like I wasn't human wasn't worth even the dignity of being half referred to as one. At the mansion they would call me that sometimes and fuck it hurt."

Logan took a shaky breath.

"They didn't mean it to demean me but that's what it felt like every time. Even if it was a joke it very rarely hit like it was meant. It just brought back flashes of..... before....of the mindless killing the programming....of everything."

Another breath

"I hadn't even considered it and that's on me. Out of everyone I should have realized."

Logan met Wade's eyes once more and saw understanding.

~

Anytime after this when anyone would ever make a pass in comment about Wade's inability to shut up. Logan was there calling them out telling them to mind their business that they had no right to say that.

And every time Wade looked just that little bit happier.

I have realized this qualifies as a drabble and will be posting this tomorrow on ao3

[apoptoses]

“What was Christmas like when you were alive?” Daniel asks.

Across the table Armand drags a piping bag down the length of a cookie. He’s been at it for hours now. Or at least that’s how it feels after going to the store, baking the gingerbread. Laying out all the shit Armand had brought to decorate the house- sprinkles and icing and piping bags and piping tips. The table looks like a holiday war zone.

Daniel rests his chin on his hand and lets his eyes wander.

The fingers squeezing the bag are almost as white as the icing within it, and Daniel wonders if that’s what Armand’s hands look like when they’re squeezing his bicep, his throat. If his skin is as malleable as the frosting, yielding into dimples for Armand’s marble-strong fingers. Amazing that he doesn’t burst the bag with his power.

Armand raises his gaze from the table to Daniel’s face. Daniel clears his throat and fumbles for his cigarettes.

“Are you certain that’s what you want to know?” Armand asks.

Daniel rolls his eyes. His ears burn pink. “Why else would I have asked?”

The thoughtful hum Armand makes is more for his reassurance than anything. A little sound of acknowledgement that normally would be inaudible to the mortal ear made loud so that Daniel is aware he’s thinking; a habit he’d developed not long after Pompeii.

That was three years ago now. Sometimes Daniel thinks he knows just as little about Armand now as he did then. He’s never met someone who lives so thoroughly in the now. Who seems so disinterested in his own past.

Who’s such a miser about letting Daniel help with his craft projects. No touching the cookies, no decorating anything of his own. Just sit back and assist when told. Hungry and bored, Daniel reaches for a gum drop. A foot slams into his shin and he yelps.

“What? You won’t let me help,” Daniel says.

“Because I wish for the result to be a surprise.”

“Then don’t be surprised if I help myself to the supplies,” Daniel insists. “Maybe if you’d answered my question I wouldn’t be eating your stuff.”

Armand gives him a dry look. Daniel pops the gum drop in his mouth.

“I fail to see how the two are related. Anyhow, it was different,” Armand says, and Daniel has to swallow down the ‘obviously’ rising in his throat to keep from starting an argument. “A period centered more around merriment. Christmas of the past had more in common with Roman Saturnalia than it does with the holiday of the modern age.”

“What do you mean?”

“Gifts are the focus now, are they not? Worshipping at the altar of the child and not at that of god. It’s a season of performance and consumption.”

“Mm. Consumption wrapped in the guise of family. Go home for the holidays, if you don’t there must be something pathologically wrong with you.”

Daniel ashes his cigarette. One of Armand’s curls slips out of place, falls across his forehead and into his eyes.

He thinks of his mother. The way she’d sweat and curse over the hot stove. Pearls around her neck, hair in curlers as she rushed to get everything ready before Daniel’s grandparents and uncles and cousins stormed the house. She’d be half drunk before they even got there, off nips of whiskey Daniel now realizes was to take the edge off the pressure she felt to impress everyone.

The windows on the gingerbread house at the Molloy’s had always been built from crooked lines, giving the whole thing the appearance it was liable to fall in on itself. Margaret Molloy would have never tolerated the stack of dirty dishes like they’ve got in the sink. The evidence of her having created anything would have been swept away long before any relatives arrived.

Daniel drags his finger through the powdered sugar that litters the table. He thinks his mom would have a heart attack if she saw the state of their place. The mess Armand has made in his search to try modern traditions.

Armand has never asked if he misses his family. Whether he’d rather be back in Pennsylvania with them than here in New York. If he left now he’d catch the last train. Be there by eleven or twelve. Aunt Linda would probably cry seeing him at the door.

The tip of the piping bag oozes white frosting onto the table when Armand sets it down. He squints at the cookie.

Daniel lifts off his chair, tries to lean across the table and get a look at the front of the gingerbread house. Armand shoos him away.

“Wait. It requires something else.” He picks through the mess of supplies on the table. Icing in all colors, sprinkles, chocolate chips. They’d bought it all and then some. Armand never does anything by halves and Daniel can’t imagine where they’ll keep it all when he’s done. The cabinets are about overflowing as it is. “I’d allow to go, you know. To visit your family.”

Armand says it quiet enough he almost misses it. Daniel’s eyebrows shoot up. He stifles his surprised laugh, choked off noise coming out more like a snort.

“You’d ‘allow me’? Generous of you.”

“Don’t be sarcastic. Family is an ephemeral thing. You have it and then one day, you don’t,” Armand murmurs. “And one evening is- how do you say it? A drop in the bucket for one such as myself.”

“And where would you go if I went?”

Outside the house, probably. Daniel can picture him lingering in the street, watching through the window like in Venice. Even if he can’t see him Daniel’s always been able to feel his presence the way some people say they can feel ghosts. 

Armand shrugs. “I would find something to do, just as I’ve done for centuries now. I’m capable of entertaining myself.”

“Mm.”

Armand’s nails are like glass. Smooth, slick. Just long enough to be sharp at the edges on the nights he doesn’t file them down, and he hasn’t filed them tonight. Daniel can tell by the way he uses them like tweezers to pluck a single sprinkle from the jar.

He could go back and let his mom fuss over his plate, listen to his dad try to make excuses for why his prodigal son spends all of his time far from home, why he doesn’t have a respectable job like his cousin Sean. He could sleep in his childhood bed and feel his mortality in a whole other way. Sit beside the tree his mother never, ever let him help decorate as a child because it had to be just right.

Armand places the sprinkle on the cookie. His fingertip comes away smeared with icing and he stares at it, then reaches across the table and holds it out in front of Daniel’s face.

He doesn’t taste like anything. Vampires don’t secrete bodily oils, and so when Daniel licks his finger clean it reminds him more of licking the plastic spoon his mom used to stir batter with. Smooth and cool and tasteless, except for the sugar that bursts on his tongue.

He wonders if she still has that spoon. If Armand will let him lick frosting from somewhere else when he’s done building- whatever the hell it is.

Armand doesn’t wipe his saliva off when he retracts his hand. Doesn’t comment on Daniel’s wandering thoughts either, or the way his pupils have dilated with them, just stares at his gingerbread house with all the seriousness of an architect. He adjusts a peppermint on the roof then nods.

“There. You may come see it now.”

The legs of Daniel’s chair squeal against the floor. He grinds out his cigarette before he circles the table, comes around to Armand’s side.

The linework on the gingerbread house is unnaturally straight, a carbon copy of the design pictured in the recipe book. Icing drips from the eaves, swirls in graceful arches over the windows and around the door. There’s even a wreath drawn just above the door. And in the powdered sugar snow on the ground stands a figure. A gingerbread man with a sprinkle cigarette dangling from his mouth.

“It’s you.”

Armand’s fangs peek out just above his lower lip when he grins up at him. He’s got powdered sugar on his sweater, in his curls. Daniel rolls his eyes. He rests his hand on the back of Armand’s chair and leans down to kiss the mischief from his mouth.

There’s people who miss him just a hundred miles away. A house so tidy you could eat off the floor, probably even a present under the tree for him on the off chance he comes back. Hell, they could go together. He could introduce Armand as a friend from the city with no family to go home to of his own. It wouldn’t even be a lie.

But Daniel’s got a crooked tree here that they’d decorated together with the mess of ornaments Armand bought at Saks. A sink filled with dishes and enough cookies to last him until Easter at least. And Armand-

Armand’s fingers curl around the back of his neck, pressing little valleys into his flesh with their strength, holding him there as his tongue slips into Daniel’s mouth. Licks some of the sweetness from it and leaves the hair on Daniel’s arms standing on end. Daniel angles his head to the side, opens his mouth a bit more. Kisses a little harder and feels the scrape of fangs on his lip like a threat. Or maybe a promise. Daniel’s too dizzy to know. His hand is busy working its way into Armand’s hair, as though he could actually tug him out of his chair and into the living room. He’ll crawl into his lap right here in the kitchen if he has to.

Then quick as it began it ends. Armand breaks away and pushes Daniel back toward his chair.

“There are more gingerbread people on the tray. You may make one of me to add to our house,” Armand says.

Daniel snorts but it comes out all wrong, like the huff of air someone lets out when they’ve been stabbed. His hands tremble as he picks up the piping bag. One kiss and Armand’s got him this fucked up. “I ‘may’ make one, like it’s a choice and not an order.”

“Yes. And then should it pass my inspection you may help me find something to do with the icing that’s unused.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Armand dusts the powdered sugar from his sweater. He shakes his hair back into place. The lights of the Christmas tree reflect off his auburn curls, make them glow all colors on the one side of his head, and when he looks at Daniel through his lashes Daniel’s heart races. His lips are parted just enough his fangs peek out from behind them, sharp and white.

“Then I suppose I should have to find some other form of consumption to indulge in. After all, that’s what the holiday is about now, isn’t it?”

It’s a shitty pun. But it makes Daniel’s blood pump hot beneath his skin anyways.

There’s a brick house with a wreath on the door that says ‘Molloy Family’ two states over. The train would only take a couple hours to get there. Here in New York Daniel’s got a piping bag in his hand and Armand sitting across the table swinging his feet like a child. His lips are still stinging-aching-tingling from the kiss. His blood races with the promise of more to come.

“Yeah. I guess it is.”

Armand nods. He rests his chin on his hand and it makes him look so innocent. Thoughtful in a way that's disarming. “Now tell me about Christmas when you were a child, Daniel.”

Daniel takes a deep breath. He drags a crooked line of ricing down the cookie and tries to think back. “Well, what do you want to know?”

[find all my other fics here]

[libraryofloveletters]

Bound By Fate

Jenson Button x Fem!Teammate Reader

series summery: the strings of life connect two people; teammates, friends, perhaps lovers. Even when you think you’ve gotten rid of him, the strings of life pull you back in. some things are just meant to be. 

author's note: this was prompted by god knows what but this is my new passion project. jenson girlies, this one is for you. shoutout to @mev33 for losing her mind over this with me <333

bound by fate taglist!

chapter one: united front

attached at the hip, jenson button and y/n l/n are the unstoppable duo. the same soul in two bodies. all but 4 points separating them. // “where you go, I go. What you see, I see. I know I’d never be me without the security of your loving arms, keeping me from harm. Put your hand in my hand and we’ll stand.” - Skyfall by Adele

chapter two: time cast a spell on you

spending nine months with someone is a long time, especially when you’re forced to be with them. feelings grow, both good and bad.  - “Time cast a spell on you but you won’t forget me. I know I could have I loved you but you would not let me. I’ll follow you down ‘till the sound of my voice can haunt you. Oh give it just a chance. You’ll never get away from the sound of a woman that loves you.” - Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac  

chapter three: the blame is on you

two mclarens spin out, drivers at each other’s throat but only one’s to blame. what’s said on track doesn’t always stay there. - “It’s my own design, it’s my own remorse. Help me to decide, help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure, nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to rule the world.” - Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tear For Fear 

chapter four: no grace

jenson can’t take it anymore; the back stabbing, the betrayal. he did what he thought was best and left. on what was supposed to be the happiest night of y/n’s life, she’s heartbroken and upset. — “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace, so the battleships will sink beneath the waves. You had to kill me, but it kills you just the same. Cursing my name, wishing I stayed. You turned into your worst fears and you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain. Crossing out the good years and you’re cursing my name, wishing I stayed.” -  My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift 

chapter five: the final tango

y/n and jenson find themselves front and centre, smiling for the cameras in their sunday bests, yet their hearts are in different places. - “it hurts to be something, it’s worse to be nothing with you. I’ve done the math, there’s no solution. We’ll never last. Why can’t I let go of this?” -  Promise by Laufey 

chapter six: secrets of us

when all is said and done, it’s never really over, is it? jenson spills far too much in a tell-all interview that back fires on both he and y/n. - “And you don’t seem to understand, a shame you seemed an honest man. And the fears you hold so dear will turn to whisper in your ear. And you know what they say might hurt you and you know that it means so much, and you don’t even feel a thing.” -  Duvet by Bôa

chapter seven: a chapter of me

four long years have passed, both y/n and jenson are in different places of life but they find themselves at Silverstone, together once again. jenson’s a commentator and y/n’s still a racer. seems the dust has settled. - “Just wanna let this story die, and i’ll be alright. We can’t be friends, but I’d like to just pretend. You cling to your papers and pens, wait until you like me again.” -  We Can’t Be Friends by Ariana Grande 

chapter eight: a glimpse into the past

people come and go, life moves on; that has always been your view. you can’t move on when your past comes back to haunt you. -  “So I ask myself, do I let you go or do I keep you in the frame of my mind? Now I’m growing wise to your sugar coated lies, nothing’s sweet about my misery. Yeah, I finally found what went wrong, i finally found the wrong in you.” - On My Mind by Jorja Smith

chapter nine: twelve steps forward, one step back

the final race of your life, mixed emotions truly. your career was one out of a movie, you’re waiting for the final shoe to drop and when it does, it hits you hard. - “Isn’t it strange? I am still me, you are still you, in the same place. Isn’t it strange how people can change from strangers to friends, friends into lovers, and strangers again?” - Strange by Celeste

epilogue - chapter ten: the last bow

life post retirement is a funny thing, you thought you’d be having fun but you’re bored out of your mind. a solo trip results in seeing a ghost from your past.  -  “I'm sure we're taller in other dimension, you say we’re small and not worth a mention. You’re tired of movin’, your body’s achin’. We could vacay, there’s places to go. Clearly this isn’t all that there is, can’t take what’s been given. But we’re so okay here, we’re doing fine.” - White Ferrari by Frank Ocean 

[grahstumhurts]

The stars aligned for us

Synopsis- Y/n had always had a crush on Sophia. this being Y/n's senior year, she had to make it count. Sophia, a untouchable goddess, in Y/ns eyes. Will it happen?

A/N - YES I KNOW ITS A CHEESY TITLE AND FIC, ITS MY FIRST TIME WRITING FOR TUMBLR OKAY. SUE ME IF I WANTED SOME CHEESY ROMANTIC SOPHIA CONTENT. This was not proof read so yeah

 Lara always complains about how I stare at her in the halls when she passes by with her flock. “Dude, its honestly sad how much time you spend a day staring at her and or thinking about her, when in all brutal truth, she probably doesn't give you a single thought.” Lara sighs, rubbing her forehead in frustration as she watches me get out my books for my AP biology class. “Its not that bad, okay. Trust me i've been worse.” I try defending myself, “Listen, Y/N At this point you might as well confess since it's almost the end of the year. Whats the worst that could happen? You get embarrassed, yes, But you won't ever see her again until the highschool reunion.” Lara tries to convince me for the Nth time this year. Senior year was supposed to be the year where I let loose. By the time senior spring had come and college applications were through, there had been one thing I had yet to do. I’ve known her for years. I mean everyone knows her at our school. She's everyone's dream girl, Untouchable you could say. Sophia Laforteza. I sigh, almost giving in this time, “No, I won't do it. Like i've said multiple times, she's an untouchable painting that, Good lord, I want to touch so bad” I close my locker, leaning against it, facing towards Lara. She gives me an unimpressed look. “You have AP Bio with her next right? So why not ask her to study sometime? I mean you are basically failing that class,girl.” I pause, I consider it, My brain algorithm approves. The bell rings for the next period. “why are you actually kinda smart, Lara.” I walk past her “Hey, woah what do you mean kinda, I legit just gave you the best idea ever” she yells at my passing figure as i jog off to mr bennetts classroom. “For the sake of my mental health I pray to Beyonce that this works.” Lara mumbles under her breath as she walks off to her class. 

Now you would think that the universe would be on my side. And you would be right. The stars have aligned as Lara would say, God forbid that girl ever not talk about stars and astrology the moment the conversation dies down. “Alright class, today i'm announcing your semester-long project for this class. This project will be starting today and will be ending by the end of the semester, so right around April we will present. Now this is a partner project” The class groans in disbelief, “Settle down. Now, I will be picking the partners-” The class erupts in boisterous anger at Mr bennett. “Calm down, Jesus, I'm retiring after this year. This project is going to be about whatever you want it to be. as long as it relates to biology.” He opens his laptop. “Now the partners will be…” he pauses reading the screen “Chloe and Marquise, Nickolas and Wendy, Y/N and Sophia” I note down these partnerships in my head just for reference, Wait. Are you fucking kidding me, its me and sophia? Now in hindsight you would think that maybe this is a class prank on me. I swear to fucking god i was about ready to explode, yean no not that kind of explode, the one where im the most anxious person on the god damn planet that we call fucking earth. Out of the 24 students in this class, other than me, there is a one in fucking 24 chance that i would be placed with her. Which i find is fucking ridiculous. “And thats it for partners, now if you could start planning your projects that would be great” Everyone shuffles around the room, trying to find their partner. I scramble to pick up my things when I drop my pencil case. I notice a manicured hand pick it up, i connect the hand to the arm, the arm to the body. Like the gorgeous goddess she is, she hands me my pencil case, Stupid fucking fish pencil case. “I like your pencil case, its pretty creative and unique” She comments, placing the fish on the table “thanks, my grandma got it for me so i've just been using it ever since.” I laugh uncomfortably. “What do you wanna do the project on?” I meekly ask her, I avoid all eye contact possible. She ponders for a moment, “I've always been kinda interested in how the weather contributes to moods, would that be something your okay with doing?”  “imokaywithdoingwhateveryouwant” I spit out, at possibly the pace of a marathon runner. She laughs to herself at my reaction “you're cute.” She mumbles. “Are you free this week to start the project or…” She drags off the end of the word to insinuate for me to answer, “i'm good for this week, maybe tomorrow? After school” “We can go over to your house? My siblings can be quite loud so i dont think that’ll be the best “study spot”” She physically puts those two words in quotations. Which wakes me up to the reality that i will be spending the rest of the semester with her, creating a project. “Sure, Im down.” I say a little too excited, I clear my throat. “Cool, cant wait” she says casually as she walks off to her desk to pack up. 

The first week went surprisingly well. I actually kept my cool and had a normal conversation with her. As the weeks grow, my feelings never really cut off for her. Instead, like a tumour, it grows. And so does my guilt. The project builds up a good amount of research, by the time its almost the end of the semester, March to be exact. The guilt, it flourishes inside me like a mouldy banana in the bottom of your bag. For all I know she could be straight. 

I hear the doorbell ring, I know its her. My mom answers the door, as per usual. lets her in, then she comes up the stairs and up to my room where the door is already open for her to come in. “Hey” she greets me “almost the end huh? I bought some snacks on the way here, I remember last week you mentioned sour skittles to me so I figured I could try them with you.” “you remembered?” “Yeah, why wouldn't i? We are friends right? I mean with all the time we have spent on this project, i assumed we are friends” she looks confused, almost hurt? “Are we not friends” “we are, yeah” I flusteredly responded, panicking at the seemingly wounded look. She cracks a smile “i'm just messing with you,” she knocks my shoulder against hers as she sits down on my bed. “I think there's a storm coming soon actually” she says opening the shopping bag with the seemingly endless amount of snacks in it. “Kinda ironic don't you think?” I say to her, We get to work for the next couple of hours, sprinkling in some goofy moments between the two of us. She ends up having to stay over, The storm inhibiting her ability to go home. I look out the window, the rain looks as if it will never end. “You ever danced in the rain?” She sits next to me, resting her head on my shoulder, observing the perspiration. “I did it once with an ex boyfriend of mine,” she adds to her previous comment. For some reason that last bit stung a little, like a scratch from a cat. “You had a boyfriend?” I ask genuinely curious. “I ended things with him since I figured out that i liked girls” “oh, i didnt know you liked girls.” I looked at her, Her hazel eyes looking back. “Do you like girls?” she questioned me. “Yeah, always have” I answered meekly. An idea came to me when she looked back out the window, I stood up. “Lets go out into the rain” I drag her closely behind me as we walk out the front door to my house, running out into the wet sky. I laugh at her standing confused in the doorway. “Dude come on” I actively try to convince her “you were the one that started talking about dancing in the rain” I open my mouth and let the almost salty droplets hit my tongue. “Eugh, dude, dont you know how disgusting rain water is” She runs out into the rain, fully embracing the uncomfortable wetness covering her body. I curtsy to her “Mi’ Lady would you care for a dance?” I say in a faux british accent. She giggles “Of course Mi’ Lady, a dance would be appreciated.” I bring her in, her waist in one hand and her own hand in the other. “Is this okay?” I yell over the sound of the water droplets hitting the ground. She nods, resting her head on my shoulder as we sway in the middle of the driveway. She looks up at me, searching my face for something. Looking down at my lips, then my eyes, then back at my lips again. “What?” I asked her “do i have something on my face?” She cups my cheeks, her warm thumb stroking my cheekbones. Before I can say another thing, she leans in, and kisses me. The Ivy that is guilt covering my heart slowly withers away, her hands leave my cheeks and caress the hair on the back of my neck. I pull her in closer, wrapping my arms around her body. A lightning crack makes us pull apart. “You seriously dont know how long ive been dreaming of this happening” I tuck my face into her soaking collar, she kisses my forehead. “How long?” she giggles, “1st grade, When i first moved here. And it trailed all the way here.” “damn i wasn't expecting that.” I blush. “Do you wanna be my girlfriend?” I call out over the rain. “Of course dumbass” She leans back in, coating my whole body in a warm honey feeling, The stars aligned for us to be.