#god why do i always give myself Projects

[lightningflvsh]

hello followers on my semi-inactive blog. can someone talk me out of doing hours of research in order to build my own timeline/canon rewrite of the dc comics universe because i’ve been filled with an Urge to do just that and i don’t know if my motivation issues can take it

[thelastsequence]

Taking on the school bully

Sub M!Reader x G!P ITZY Yeji

Part 1 | Part 2

“Hyung-soo, you’ll be paired with Yeji for this project okay? I know Math is your strong suit so please help her out as much as you can. I’m counting on you.” Ms Eunseo said with an approving smile on her face. I smiled back and nodded, but I was groaning in my mind.

Yeji?! You’ve got to be kidding me… How am I supposed to get anything done with the laziest student in the whole cohort? That’s if she’s not expelled by then…

As I stepped out of Ms Eunseo’s office and headed to my locker, I sighed as I thought of all the work that I would have to do. Hwang Yeji was infamous in our school for being a bully, frequently getting into trouble and causing a ruckus during lessons. Arguing with teachers, flouting school rules, forcing other students to do her work, you name it, she’s done it. The only reason why she’s still around is because her rich CEO father has been bailing her out by always donating to the school. Nonetheless, there were rumours that the board of directors and principal were fed up with her behaviour, and her next antic might be the last straw. Well, who wouldn’t be pissed…

“Hey. You. Loser.” A cold menacing voice pierced my thoughts. My eyes widened as I turned to face the source. It could only be one person…

Hwang Yeji.

“So you’re my partner for the Maths project? Better do a good job, if not you’ll get a beating from me. Got it?” I nodded nervously as Yeji glared at me. “Good. Don’t cause any trouble for me. Now get out of my way.” She shoved me aside painfully and walked away, while I could only stand there wincing. I cursed my luck (or lack thereof) at that moment. God, why did I have to be paired with her of all people?

The next day

“Class, I’ve decided that I’ll be picking one student from each pairing to present the project. For Pair 1, Karina. Pair 2, Yuna. Pair 3…” As Ms Eunseo read out the names for each pair, I glanced over to Yeji’s table where she sat using her phone.

“Pair 8, Yeji.” My ears pricked up when I heard that. Oh crap, I thought to myself. Getting paired with her was bad enough, but now Ms Eunseo was making her present. Yeji scowled when she heard this and she immediately stood up to voice her displeasure. “Hey, Miss, come on! You seriously expect me to present? You’re joking right?”

“Hwang Yeji! This is final. Sit down now or I’m giving you an F this instant!” Ms Eunseo barked at her. Knowing she was already on thin ice, Yeji scowled and sat back down with a huff. Suddenly, she turned towards my direction and glared at me. Wait for me after class, she mouthed. All I could do was nod in fear. What did she want with me?

Thirty minutes later, the bell rang and Yeji immediately walked over, while the other students began packing their bags. Without saying a word, she grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of my chair. Her surprisingly strong grip meant that I could only follow behind. She stopped at the lockers outside of our class and turned to face me.

“Kang Hyung-soo.”

“Y-yes, Yeji?”

“So that bitch Son Eunseo is making me present the project, it looks like I can’t completely slack off.” She grumbled. I slowly nodded, not knowing where she was going with this. “Y-yeah… well-”

She cut me off before I could continue any further.

“Shut up. I’m going to need your help, because I can’t afford pissing her off again. You hear me? If you help me prepare well for this project, there’s a chance I might not beat you up after all.” I gulped when I heard that. I did not want to be on the receiving end of one of Yeji’s beatdowns.

“Y-yeah, sure, I’ll help you as much as I can…”

“Good. Go and grab your bag, you’re coming to my place now. Let’s just get it over and done with.” My eyes widened and I couldn’t believe my ears. Me? Her place? What was going on? “Are you deaf? Hurry up!” She yelled and kicked my shin. I winced as I scrambled back into the classroom to get my things. I shoved everything into my bag and stumbled out of class again.

“Follow me. And don’t get any wrong ideas.” I walked silently behind her through the hallways as the other students stared and whispered. They probably assumed I was her latest victim, about to receive my punishment for angering the school bully. Instead of heading behind the back of the school building, we were at the foyer.

Soon enough, a black Mercedes pulled up and a man dressed in all-black stepped out and opened the door. “Hello, Ms Yeji.” The man spoke. I’m guessing he was… her driver? I was surprised at how such an unruly girl could have such a nice lifestyle. “Hey Felix. We’re headed home.” The man nodded as he turned to smile at me. “You must be Ms Yeji’s friend. Nice to meet you.” I smiled sheepishly as Yeji glared at me again from inside the car. I quickly went in and sat down.

It was a quiet drive back to Yeji’s house, which turned out to be a lavish-looking bungalow. We pulled up to her driveway, where Felix got out of the car and opened the door for us again. Yeji got out and signalled for me to follow her. I marvelled at the expensive-looking designer furniture in her house, the decorations, the paintings, everything… It was all completely new to me and I was trying to take it all in.

“Hurry up, loser!” Yeji yelled from the staircase. I mumbled sorry to her and quickly followed her up the staircase. We walked past two doors, stopping at the third which I guessed was her room. She opened the door and grabbed my wrist again, before pulling me in.

“Where do we start?” For a moment, I didn’t know what she was talking about. The new experience of visiting a bungalow almost made me forget what we were here for. “Oh y-yes, the project…”

We both sat on her bed as I started explaining the scope of the project to Yeji. Unsurprisingly she seemed disinterested, which did not help my case.

“Get to the point.”

“S-sorry… So what you’ll need to do is talk about some trigonometrical concepts that we’ve learnt in class and their real-life applications…”

“That sounds boring as fuck. Urgh…”

“Yeah…” I didn’t know what to say as I didn’t want to anger her. All I could do was try and explain it to her. After awhile, we began making the presentation deck for our project, even if it was mostly me doing the work while Yeji scrolled on Tiktok.

“Yeji, do you want to do this part? Since… you know, you’ll be presenting it…”

“Urgh… what now? Can’t you write it and explain it to me later?”

“Well yeah… but I’ve pretty much written 80% of the slides already…”

“Fuck… Fine, later I guess, I’m watching this video.” I sighed as I grew increasingly exasperated with her behaviour. While she was giggling at her Tiktok video, I was racking my brain thinking of what to add to our presentation. Finally, I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I stood up and faced her. One part of me was already regretting it, but I figured I might as well just go ahead with it.

“Yeji! Hey!”

She turned and glared at me. I felt my knees go a little weak but I managed to keep standing.

“Can you just do your work for once, please? I really don’t want to fail this. You think I wanted you as my groupmate? I’d rather work alone! All I’m asking is for you to do something and put in a little effort… It’s not that hard is it? I’d do anything, okay? Come on… Do your part, okay?” I sighed as I finished ranting, Yeji staring menacingly at me the entire time.

“Anything?”

“H-huh?” I stared confused at her as she stood up.

“You’d do anything so that I’d work on the project?”

My mind drew a blank as I didn’t how to respond.

“Y-yeah, it’s a group project, we’re-”

She cut me off by shoving me to the the floor where I landed on my butt. “Ow… what was that for?” I muttered. When I looked up, Yeji had taken a step closer to me and placed a hand on my head.

“Well, if you’re good enough for me today, I guess I can do a little something for the project.” Without warning, Yeji unzipped her skirt, her bulge in my face.

Her bulge?!

“Yeji- You- Your-”

“Ya, I have a dick, so what? It’s probably bigger than yours anyway. Get to work, loser.”

I gulped as Yeji’s panty-clad cock stared me in the face. A musky smell emanated from it and fill my nostrils.

“Please, Yeji, I-”

“Shut up! You’ll be taking this dick whether you like it or not. It’s up to you whether you want it the easy way or the hard way.”

I closed my eyes, cursing myself for getting into this situation. How did this even happen? I was half-hoping it was just a nightmare, but when I opened my eyes again, Yeji’s pink panties were still in my face.

Sighing, I slowly pulled down her panties, narrowly avoiding getting hit by her cock. It was about 6 inches long, thick and veiny. Her tip glistened with a bead of transparent pre-cum. What she said was true, it was definitely bigger than mine. I stared at it wordlessly for a second, not knowing how to proceed. All I had seen was porn videos, so I guess I would have to act on that.

Taking a breath, I slowly gave her tip a lick. It tasted salty as I swirled my tongue around her cockhead. I glanced up, Yeji’s hand still on my head. She was looking down on me with a look of pure lust, her eyes transfixed on my lewd act. I continued licking at her cock as if it was a lollipop, slowly taking my time with it.

Yeji let out a moan as her grip on my hair tightened. She took a step backwards and sat onto the bed, dragging me on the floor. I decided to get onto my knees and make it a little more comfortable for myself.

I spat onto her cock and started stroking it with my right hand, while slowly massaging her balls with my left. I looked at her timidly, wanting a sign of approval. As if reading my mind, she let out another louder moan, seemingly in response.

“Yes… stroke my cock like a good boy…”

“Y-yes, Yeji…” I muttered softly. I sped up my pace and tightened my grip around her shaft, lubricating it with more spit. I started to feel a little intoxicated by the musky smell of her cock and balls and felt myself getting horny. My own dick was getting hard and I wanted to stroke it.

“R-Yeji, can I… touch myself?” I asked shyly.

“No! You have to please me first.” She gave my cheek a slap with her cock, leaving a wet trail of my saliva mixed with her precum. I sighed and continued stroking her, occasionally giving her tip some licks.

“I want you to suck it, Hyung-soo… Be a good boy and take my cock…” Yeji moaned sultrily. My cock stiffened when she called me a good boy, and I felt a sudden desire to please her.

“Y-yes, Yeji…” I opened my mouth and starting sucking on her tip slowly. The taste of her cock was not too strong or overwhelming but it actually tasted pretty pleasant. I started using my tongue while sucking, hopefully making it more pleasurable for her. I tried going a little deeper down her shaft, but I ended up choking and gagging on it.

Cough cough

“Oho, did you gag on it? Is my cock too big for you?” Yeji asked lewdly. I shook my head and went for another try. This time, I managed to take half of her length into my mouth before coming up for air.

“Come on, Hyung-soo, I know you can take all of it… I know you can deepthroat my cock…” Yeji moaned loudly again. It seemed like I had no choice but to force myself to go all the way.

Taking a deep breath, I opened wide and shoved my face onto her dick. Almost instantly I felt like gagging, but I controlled it and managed to only choke a little. I continued going deeper until my nose touched her crotch. My eyes widened as I realised I had managed to take Yeji’s entire length into my mouth.

Suddenly, I felt her hands wrap around either side of my head, holding me in place and forcing me to stay in this position. The urge to gag came again and this time, I couldn’t handle it. I choked loudly and more spit flowed out of my mouth. Yeji quickly withdrew her cock from my mouth, strings of spit clinging onto my chin, before shoving it back in again. She repeatedly this rapidly, skullfucking me while looking down at me lustfully.

My mouth and throat felt like they were on fire, but I felt my dick get harder and harder as well. Even if Yeji was abusing my throat, it somehow felt… good. I looked up at her with tears forming at the corner of my eyes, gagging obscenely.

“Good boy, good boy… I didn’t know you were so good at sucking cock, Hyung-soo.” Yeji finally pulled her cock out of my mouth, giving me a chance to catch my breath.

“Th-thanks Yeji… I just… I just want you to do something for our project.”

“Come on, Hyung-soo. Do you think I’m stupid? You’re not thinking about the project at all, you just want to suck my cock.” I turned red as I realised she was correct. It felt so good with Yeji’s cock between my lips that I didn’t care about the project anymore.

I blushed as Yeji ruffled my hair. “Do you want it on your face or in your mouth? For your first time, I’m nice enough to let you choose.”

I was a little confused. “Eh? W-what do you mean?”

“My cum, silly. Do you want me to give you a facial or do you want to swallow my cum, Hyung-soo.”

My face grew redder upon hearing Yeji say that. I didn’t know which to choose, so I went for what I thought would be the lesser of two evils.

“My mouth…” I figured it would be less messy, and I wouldn’t have to clean up as much.

Yeji bent down and whispered lustily, “Wow, I didn’t know you were so hungry for my cum, Hyung-soo. You’re such a pervert.”

She slapped her cock on my face a few times, saliva and precum covering my cheeks with a light sheen now. I opened my mouth to take her cock again. Her shaft roughly penetrated my throat as she began quickly thrusting into my mouth. I moaned a little at her roughness, while bobbing my head quickly, trying to take as much of her length as possible.

“Fuck, that’s so fucking good…” Yeji moaned again and sped up. I looked up at her again, wanting to gaze into her piercing eyes.

“Hyung-soo, I’m gonna… gonna cum soon…” I wanted to say yes but all that came out was a mmmph, my mouth full of cock. Yeji continued fucking my face rapidly while my hands massaged her balls. Her moans were getting louder and louder, punctuated with obscenities. I could also see her perky nipples straining against her shirt, forming a faint outline. I wondered how Yeji’s breasts looked like…

Suddenly, Yeji gripped the back of my head as she shoved her cock deep into my throat. My eyes watered as I felt her dick hit the back of my throat, making me gag yet again.

“I’m cumming… Ah…” Yeji moaned as I felt a thick spurt of warm cum shoot down my throat. Yeji pulled her cock back a little and continued to cum onto my tongue. I looked up at her, my mouth full of her salty seed.

“Good boy, Hyung-soo, swallow my cum…” I nodded and gulped it all down. After swallowing, I choked and coughed a little, unused to this newfound taste. Yeji bent down again and dove in for a kiss, her tongue exploring my mouth and tasting herself on my lips. I let out a muffled moan as she gently fondled my clothed nipples. After what seemed like an eternity, she pulled away and motioned for me to sit on the bed with her.

“Hyung-soo, you did such a good job. Was that really your first time sucking cock?”

I nodded, blushing. “Th-thanks, Yeji… I’m glad you felt good…”

“So, I guess I’ll do something for the project then. And, if you want, we can do this again…”

I was taken aback at Yeji’s words. I couldn’t believe that she would want me to visit her and give her a blowjob again. My mind was racing; why would I want to suck the school bully’s cock again? Then again, I felt like I had suddenly grown addicted to her dick, its scent and taste still fresh in my memory.

“A-anytime, Yeji…”

“Anytime? Really? You better not regret that, then.”

Shoot. What had I gotten myself into?

----

Hey everyone! Ren here, if you're reading this I hope you enjoyed my first ever fic! Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you thought of it. My asks are always open. Cheers!

[umeqii]

-��⠀⠀⠀⠀YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY ⠀⠀⠀. . . ⠀⠀⠀but you're lowkey cool .

fandom ; class of 09

character ; nicole

gender ; female reader (lesbian nicole real)

creator ; umeqii

QUICK A/N - so like idk i'm a nicole kinnie and so like i might (i will) self project but yk ^_^ and uh idk i js wanted to post smth abt co09 bc like all i saw was mf jeffery ones and no one likes jeffery he's a fucking wierdo anyways!!

TW - like it's co09, so mentions of pedophilia, drugs, dark humor, sh, suicide jokes, things like that :P

─── WHAT IT'S LIKE DATING NICOLE !!

okay so it's quite clear that nicole is a sociopath, and she's aware of it and she payed VERY little attention to you at first

i guess you were just like, that one girl who just sits in class n minds her business and overhears alot of weirdass drama like that one blonde bitch kelly being inlove with her cousin or something

but you had a new student, and you gotta admit, she was really pretty ≥∇≤ !!

her personality; not so much (real though)

anyways, you grew up to read people really easily from the way you were raised n shit so when you first spoke to nicole in class, you realised she was faking to smile; or just faking to be nice in general

so you kept that in mind, but didn't say anything because you were loekwy afraid :P

one time, you guys had science together n this kid jeffery kept tryna talk to nicole and it's not like you were mad at her for tryna make new friends, it was jeffery you were mad at

he didn't even acknowledge you one bit ☠️☠️

so you just end up standing next to them saying nothing and looking like a random stranger

when nicole sat in her seat, with jeffery rambling about anime girls or something, you saw how she looked REAALLLYYY pissed so you were gonna sit in your seat (which was opposite hers) and ask her

UNTIL THAT BITCH JEFFERY LIKE SAT IN IT ☠️☠️😭😭

you just ended up staring at him with a slightly open mouth when he ignored your soft askings of "can you please move?"

that's when our favourite toxic lesbian said something!! (i'm delusional)

" oh my FUCKING god, next time i hear anything about your stupidass anime cat girls, i will actually hang myself from this light. like who the fuck even asked?? i know damn fuckin' well i didn't. and get your greasy and filthy ass out of y/n's seat, you bitch. "

😨

that was jeffery's face (and lowkey yours' too)

he got out of your seat and mumbled an apology to you and sat somewhere else leaving you and an annoyed nicole sitting in silence

" oh uh...are you? "

" do you have any meth. "

" ah fuck sorry, i don't do.. uh yeah "

" you look like you do, you seem fucking crazy "

" oh. "

so like after that, and you, being the sapphic you are, ended up falling inlove with nicole !!

she was lowkey a bitch and you won't lie, toxic as fuck but she was your only friend and she stuck up for you so that's good??

she treats everyone with no respect at all, but for you, you can see the SLIGHT change in attitude

like you see her with jeffery, then people like jecka and emily, and you!!

she would always say things about you guys making out or having sex in the bathrooms and you couldn't tell if they were jokes or not

but like i lowkey cba to say how ym got together so all ik is that yu asked her out, she made out with yu and yh

so like now HEADCANONS time

nicole is an insecure girl deep, deep down so that's why she acts the way she does.

but yeah, those insecurities make her REALLY jealous 😭😭

it's sometimes concerning .

like one time you were approached by emily and she was asking you if you wanted some drugs or something, which you declined, and you ended up complimenting her hair and saying how it brings out her eyes and she ended up hugging you

then nicole stormed over and started going fucking crazy mode at emily saying how " don't you have like a 30 year old boyfriend you can give head right now? so fuck off and let me give this bitch head instead, you cokewhore!! "

something along the lines of that

like i guess showing affection makes her pretty vulnerable, so when ym are in public she's a bitch

she's really controlling or whatever the word is (toxic)

"y/n, you know how much of a fucking pathetic loser you are? just think how fucked up you would be without me, then. like no offense babe, but you're really fucking deranged in the head but i guess that's something that makes you hot."

okay that's all i can think of but yeah i also hate parental controls like why are only 5 of my apps unlocked like let me go on discord ://

you guys should add me on discord, my user is umeqii yiu bitches /affectionately /nf

[lixzey]

No one's ever had me not like you

✨ give me a scenario + character for headcannons!

First off happy birthday!

Can I have Evan Buckley with a daughter of Bobby reader? (Totally not projecting my 911 DR right now)

Like relationship headcanons and date ideas and all the fluff please and thank you!

Because sometimes squishy is a 30+ man

Take care of yourself!

what if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh, only in my mind?

evan buckley x nash!reader headcannons part one!

• I firmly believe that the two of you would be a grumpy x sunshine kind of trope. A slow motherfucking burn kind of romance, if I do say so myself.

• The day he arrived at the 118, he immediately tried flirting with you. “Hey, miss?”

• The look on his face when you told him your name was priceless!

• Buck definitely tried to get on your good side the minute he found out you were the captain's daughter. 

• Bobby was a bit skeptical of letting you dive into intense...fires, you know? because of the fear of losing you—his only surviving family—was bugging him. you didn't know what you were thinking, but you said: “Don't worry dad, Buckley's here to protect me, if I ever—God forbid—need it.”

• Which, Evan Buckley unfortunately heard, of course. “Protect you, huh?” Buck teased, grinning at you so annoyingly smug. “Didn't know you thought of me so highly, miss Nash.”

• From that day on, Evan motherfucking Buckley made it his personal mission to annoy the hell out of you. Why? Because he thinks you look cute when you're mad.

• The two of you argue over the smallest things, it actually drives Hen and Chim crazy because the two of you ask them who's right and wrong. 

• Speaking of Chim and Hen, they are 100% done with both of you. You two haven't even been at the 118 for a year but it sure feels like it with all of the bickering. You would always rant to Hen about Buck's annoying antics “That...that fucking grin of his- Ugh! I swear to God, Hen, one day I'm just gonna snap and pretty sure I'm gonna murder him, and you are helping me dispose of his dumb ass.” and Hen just chokes on her coffee, looking at you with wide, terrified eyes. “Sorry, what?” 

• Meanwhile, Buck is yapping to Chim about your cute annoyed little pout. the poor guy has heard buck ramble on and on 

• Your dad has had to pull you away from evan multiple times per shift, seems like you inherited his temper. 

“Is she always like that, Cap?” Buck asks with an amused chuckle as he watches you stomp away with your arms folded over your chest like a child throwing a tantrum. Bobby sighs, giving him a stern look—more like an exasperated one, Buck couldn't really tell. 

“I'm afraid she's got fire,” Bobby placed a hand over Buck's shoulder, causing him to tense slightly. “Think you can handle more?” 

Buck stared at Bobby, like he'd grown another head or two. “M-more? what do you mean, more?” 

Bobby raised a brow. “I thought I heard you tell my little girl you'd protect her?”

• After that little moment with your dad, Buck literally started protecting you. A fire? He’s pushing you away with a big ass smug grin on his face. “I got this,”  God, that annoying grin of his was getting on your nerves so badly, you almost hit him with the line hose once.

• The arguments went on and on, of course. Buck would often tease you about being, well, a damsel he loves saving. And you’d always clap back that he’s an annoying peasant that should bow down to you, because you’re no damsel, but a queen. 

• Cat and dog, the nickname the whole 118—including your father, unfortunately—gave you and Buck, much to your complete, absolute, annoyance.

• You’ve always viewed Evan Buckley as this manwhore, annoying, little shit starter, but when he fails to save a person in a roller coaster accident, your views change drastically. 

• He has a heart, and you saw first hand how everything affected him. Which honestly gave you flashbacks when…your mother and siblings died and you couldn’t do anything. 

• You helped Buck with the guilt he felt, and it somehow made him feel better. It was also the very first time he saw you smile at him, easing his worries even for just a split second.

• Sometime later, you and your father didn’t show up for work. Buck was worried—terrified, almost—because all of his texts and calls were left unanswered. You always answered texts, even before when he was still the annoying douchebag, you answered. Turns out, your father was relapsing with his alcoholism, and you were reliving the past trauma.

• You were a mess when Buck and Hen arrived at yours and your dad’s place. You had been trying to get your dad to come out of his room, but all of your efforts were in vain. It was like you forgot that you were a trained firefighter, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything aside from calling your dad’s name from outside his bedroom door the way you did after the loss you and your father faced.

• As soon as the apartment door opened, Buck immediately came running towards you, not even letting Hen get to you first to check you out for any injuries or whatever. Evan Buckley just wrapped his arms around you, and you broke down crying like a little girl, holding onto him for dear life.

• After Hen got your father sane, you and Bobby recalled the day of the accident, which honestly gave Buck a better insight of you. From that day on, somehow, you and Buck became friends. 

• Do not get me started on Abby Clark. 

• You hated her, but you wouldn’t admit it (Hen definitely noticed how your face would contort into a look of disgust whenever she was mentioned.)

• And Buck just HAD to date her, aka creepy old lady.

• The look on your face was absolutely priceless when Buck invited her to Chim’s welcome back party. Let’s just say the poor cake you had didn’t deserve the stabbing.

• And him going on a DATE with her???? That Chim and your father took holiday duty for?????

• Technically, it wasn’t Abby’s fault that Buck choked on a piece of bread (you were mad and worried, but you still laughed a little-) but you still blamed her (you are not a girl’s girl when jealous- is that what it was?, that’s for sure.)

• As Buck, well, pushes through with his new relationship, you grew a bit distant with him, which confused the fuck out him because he thought you were friends. You had to assure him that yes, you were friends, but you also had a life of your own. Funny, because you just sulk in your home every day because of, well, you know. 

• You tried meeting other people. It was weird, to say the least. When Buck found out, he almost choked on his water (see what I did there?). At least your dad is on the road to finding happiness again.

• Okay, so let’s do a quick uno reverse. 

• Eddie Diaz, the new guy, who caught Buck’s attention. Why? Because he was a bit too chummy with you for his liking. 

• And there you two go again, arguing like petty middle schoolers.

• You were siding with Eddie with everything, with infuriated Buck so bad he wanted to bang his head on the gym equipment. 

• Because what the fuck did you mean when you told Eddie he should join the freaking sexy firefighter calendar????? Was he not sexy enough for you????? Bro was having a midlife crisis at this point.

• Buck constantly judged everything Eddie did, and it was getting on your nerves, to the point of-

• Okay so, long story short, Buck and Eddie become friends after you snapped at them during an argument. The way you shut Buck up completely was honestly amazing, because he literally said “Yes, ma’am.”

• And then you and Buck finally meet your new godson, Christopher! Buck was a sweetheart, honestly, you loved seeing him interact with him.

• Everything was fine, until this reporter came in. 

• God, you hated those cameras. You wanted to punch them and her for constantly being in your space. 

• On the bright side though, you now have a new mom: Athena! And a new friend, aka Maddie Buckley, Buck’s big sister! You love hearing stories about Buck from her, and you consider her as your new favorite person.

• Speaking of Maddie, when her deranged ex-husband kidnaps her, you helped Buck find her, despite your dad and new mom’s protests. 

• When the 118 was targeted by this bomber (you wanted to strangle the kid with your bare hands) you were absolutely torn. Buck’s legs were crushed by the fire engine caused by the explosion, to add salt to the injury: you and your dad were the MAIN targets. 

• Even though Buck was in immense pain, all he could think about was you, only you.

Buck screamed in pain, his legs trapped under what felt like tons and tons of weight, but when he saw you, crawling towards him, somehow everything in his body felt fine. You were now his main concern. 

“Y/n- ah!” Buck screamed out in pain, struggling to reach his hand out towards you. “A-are you- ah! Okay?”

“Buck!” You cried, taking his hand in yours, desperately trying to push the damned heavy truck off of his legs. “Someone help! His legs are getting crush, for fucks sake! Help me get this thing off of him! Someone!”

• THE WAY YOU FUCKING CURSED THE LITTLE FUCKER WHO CAUSED THE EXPLOSION-

“Let my friends go, you stupid dumb fuck! It’s me you want, right? To get revenge on my dad? Let them go! They didn’t do shit, you stupid brainless son of a bitch! Let them go! I swear to all the deities out there, I personally escort you to hell! I will drag your corpse straight to motherfucking satan if you don’t let my friends go right this goddamn instant!”

• Way to get someone’s attention though, because of that your dad got the upperhand (Bobby was surprised by your vocabulary, though).

• You held Buck’s hand while the people around you helped to get the truck off of his legs. You tried your best to soothe his pain, despite your own broken arm (Who cares about your arm? Hell, you don’t even care about yourself, the only thing that mattered to you then was Evan Buckley).

• You were there by his side when he got to the hospital, and refused to leave. Athena and Bobby had to talk to the hospital staff to let you stay, because there is no way in hell you were leaving him.

• You comforted Buck when he was told that his injury was severe, and that he might need to consider another career. You glared at the doctor, whilst holding Buck’s hand tightly in yours.

• Five months after the accident, when Buck was finally cleared (oh, so you all thought-) you were absolutely happy and your mom and dad could see that. Pretty sure from that point onwards they knew you had feelings for Buck because when he coughed up blood, you were the first one to respond and do shit. 

• After finding out he is no longer cleared to go back to work, Buck quits the LAFD and starts spiraling. You ask Eddie if he could bring Christopher over, to cheer him up—which helps, thank God. You and Buck bring Chris to Santa Monica, for a bit of well-deserved relaxation, almost looking like a little family (Buck may or may not have thought about that-).

• You and Buck almost had a moment, standing so close to each other, barely and inch separating both of your faces, AND A FUCKING TSUNAMI RUINS THE GODDAMN MOMENT.

• Even after being injured only months prior to the tsunami, Buck put yours and Chris’ safety first. Jesus, the man could RUN with you and Chris in his arms.

• The three of you managed to hold onto each other for a while, with you practically refusing to let go of Chris—maybe it's the trauma of losing your younger siblings, or something else—like he was your lifeline in all of this shit that was happening around. Same goes with Buck, but it’s mainly you who’s anchoring him down. The way the both of you almost lost your minds when Chris got separated from you was honestly crazy, Buck had to hold you by the waist so that you wouldn’t swim through the running waters in search of your kid, even though he wanted to do the absolute same. The breath the two of you breathed out when you saw Christopher safe and sound, looking for his ‘Buck and Y/n’, oh, you almost cried on the spot if you weren’t so dehydrated from helping throughout the stupid tsunami. Eddie couldn’t thank the two of you enough for putting his son first in a calamity. At this point he owes you and Buck his life.

• When Buck decided to sue the department and city for wrongful termination, it caused a rift not only between the two of you, but with the whole team. You were mad at him, because was it wrong to think about his safety first? It was actually you who suggested it to your father, in hopes of helping Buck get the medical help he needed first before finally getting back into the workforce, but he took it the wrong way when you and your family tried explaining it over dinner.

• You and Eddie decide to ignore him, even though it pained the both of you because Buck was your best friend, the only person you and Eddie trust in this world to have your backs and everything. Now, the two of you had to rely on each other now.

• When the team encounters Buck at a supermarket, you snap at him. Giving him a dose of reality he needed to hear. No one could stop you, even your own father could as you lashed out on this man, who you only wanted the best for. This little interaction leads to his reinstatement to the team (Partially, as everyone is still mad at him, until Eddie, Hen, and Chim finally forgave him). Yet, you still avoided him at all costs because of how much he hurt your feelings with all the shit he pulled. You still went with your dad though after finding out that Buck was in the emergency room (still acting mad, but in reality you almost had a heart attack when you found out.) You quickly left when he said he was fine, much to the confusion of your father, since you were so adamant on coming with your dad to see if Buck was alright.

• Okay, so after that little stint in the emergency room, Buck is now a regular in your life again, as he is now a full member of the 118 again without any restrictions whatsoever. Which made it harder to avoid him, since you still felt a bit, well, heartbroken. Honestly, you were so confused with your own feelings, you thought it was better to stay the fuck away or else you would have punched him in the face the minute he initiates small talk or whatever. Buck tried everything to get you to talk to him, or at least yell at him or something since it was his and your thing, where he’d annoy you and you’d snap at him for being a little shit who won’t take no for an answer. Hell, he even got Eddie, Chim, and Hen on board (begrudgingly, might I add, as they do not want to invoke your anger, really.) with his plan. Like, them purposely taking seats close together and leaving seats opposite of each other or side by side for you and Buck to take with no other choice. It was torture for Buck more than it was for you, because he missed you. 

• Eddie, Hen, Chim, and Maddie are absolutely tired of hearing Buck talk about you. Like, if they hear one more word from him, they’re either banging their head against a nearby surface or taking an ungodly amount of alcohol or coffee to be able to cope with this whining from Buck. At least they aren’t hearing from you. You practically detached yourself from them (they’re honestly worried, especially Eddie, Hen, and Chim), you weren’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but it was working in terms of being left alone.

Okay, let’s get to Christmas!

• After learning that Christopher isn’t happy about spending Christmas without his favorite people—his father, his Y/n, and his Buck—you feel a bit guilty, I mean, all three of you are. You’ve just been so…busy? With your father’s health being on the line caused by hazardous radioactive material, you were just so stressed. You’ve already lost one parent, and you were not going to lose another. Athena was your rock during all of it, and she was the only person you’d talk to about your mind and heart messed up by someone named Evan Buckley. To relieve everyone’s worry, Athena and Buck managed to throw a Christmas party at the station for everyone. You loved the party, getting to spend time with your family was the best thing you could ever ask for. You felt a bit like yourself again, but there was still this longing ache inside of you that you couldn’t shake. God, it was annoying. Because deep inside, you knew this longing was something else. Who knew stolen glances between the two of you would feel like this? 

• In the middle of everyone mingling at the party, Buck managed to pull you aside (downstairs, but yeah), and surprisingly, you didn’t pull back. It was as if his touch was your vice and you couldn’t get enough. 

“Uh, hi?” Buck awkwardly smiled at you, scratching the back of his neck as if he was in high school trying to ask a girl out for the very first time, though, you highly doubt that he was like that during his years as a high school student with the personality he had. “Are…are you enjoying the party, so far?”

God, is this what the two of you have reduced to? Cringe worthy small talk? Jesus Christ, what the fuck? 

You gave him a little smile, pulling your hair to the side, trying to hide the growing awkwardness—more like something else—that you felt deep in your bones. “Yeah, it’s…fun, really. I’m glad you and Athena thought of this, it’s quite thoughtful of you to think about everyone.”

A nervous chuckle leaves his throat, his eyes meeting yours after all of those secret glances in the middle of the crowded party. “I’m glad you liked it.”

The two of you stood there, face to face, your heart beating uncontrollably inside your chest like a machine gone haywire. Sweet baby Jesus, how on earth does Evan Buckley’s presence make you feel…stuff like this?

And then, Buck took a step forward, standing a few inches away from you. He was so close, but you still felt so far from him. Without thinking, you took a step forward, meeting him halfway, with only a few centimeters separating the both of you, his breath hot on your cheek as the two of you locked eyes like those romance movie posters. God, why is he so tall? You were already on your toes just looking at him.

“Hi,”

“Hey,” Buck laughed, finally closing in the distance between your bodies, your lips almost touching, sending a shiver down your spine as you placed your palms onto his chest, feeling his heart beating the same way yours did. He then wrapped a strong arm around your waist, and then he kissed you. 

And you kissed back.

God, is this what love feels like? A warm, fuzzy feeling spread all over as your body kissed the living daylights out of you, devouring you like it was the last day on earth and he wanted to make it last at least until everything faded into the cosmos or whatever. A moan escaped your throat as Evan picked you up in his arms, like one of the kisses in those cheesy romantic comedy movies. Somehow, everything about this felt absolutely right. Everything made complete sense now, Evan Buckley was your true north.

You could have stayed like this forever, wrapped in his arms as the two of you hungrily made out like two lovers separated by war, but all fantasies have their limits. Maddie and Chim spotted the two of you, and well, it left you and Buck, rather breathless.

Evan Buckley tasted like heaven and hell, intertwined in a perfect storm of love and admiration that made you craving for more. Fuck, how the hell does he manage to make you feel like this? 

If it wasn’t for Maddie and Chim standing there, you would have gone for seconds, thirds, maybe even fourths, fifths, and so on. You were in too deep with him now, but Evan Buckley was already far deep down that hole—having realized that he’s been in love with you for the longest time.

After that breathtaking kiss, you and Buck quickly ran upstairs, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. Anyone with functioning eyes could easily decipher what just happened, the smudged lipstick was already a dead giveaway. 

“Looks like someone finally got the courage to ask the girl out!” Hen grinned, placing her plate down onto the table. “I won, pay up everybody!”

“What?” You asked, your eyes wide with disbelief. “You bet on us!?” 

“Who wouldn’t?” Chim answered, taking out ten dollars out of wallet. “I’m not even mad at losing the bet. Hell, I’m absolutely over the goddamn moon for the both of you! It’s about fucking time you two got together!”

You stared at him, your cheeks tinted pink, either from the kiss of your life, or the embarrassment you felt. “God, are we that predictable?”

“Yes, you are.” Your father laughed, walking towards you, Athena following suit. “We’ve known for quite a while, darling.” 

“Dad!” You looked at your father, horrified. “You knew? You actually knew, knew?”

“Oh, baby,” Athena placed a hand on your shoulder, motherly as always. “Your father knew the minute you complained about Buck.”

“You complain about me, huh?” Evan gave you a teasing grin, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “How mean of you, miss Nash, you wound me!”

You glared at him. “Shut up, Buckley.”

“Make me, Nash.”

“How cute!” Maddie gushed, loving the way her baby brother looked at you like you were the only person in this crowded area. “Buck’s finally happy, I’ve never seen him this happy.”

“He’s finally found his match,” Chim chuckled, watching you and Buck argue like children, which was almost endearing to see. “I’m just glad that I won’t be hearing Buck whining again.”

“Hey! I do not whine!”

“Yeah, you do.” Eddie said, patting Buck on the back. “You’ve been whining about Y/n not-”

“Shut up,” Buck grumbled, rolling his eyes playfully. “We get it. I was a whiny baby because of my beautiful, amazing, girl who never fails to make me crazy with her.”

• And just like that, you and Buck are finally an official couple with Bobby and Athena’s blessing (Bobby gave Buck the protective father talk, let’s just say Evan Buckley would be an idiot if he hurt you in any way possible, he'd personally beat himself up if he ever did so.) 

• Evan Buckley is a simp, I say this lovingly. Like: “Look at my beautiful girl!”, “Hey, you see that? That’s my woman over there!”, “Isn’t she just amazing?”, “I love her so much, it hurts!” Eddie, Chim, and Hen have escaped whiny Buck, but now they have to deal with an in love Evan Buckley. 

• He keeps a photo of you practically everywhere. In his wallet, locker, phone, the bac of his phone, his name plate thingy where the gear are, EVERY FUCKING WHERE. 

• Pet names!! This man loves to call you a bunch of tooth rotting pet names like sweetheart, bunny, my love, lover, baby girl, princess, sweet pea, darling, my beautiful angel, honey, angel baby, love of my life, queen of my heart, the flame in my heart and a shit ton more. Buck definitely beat the record for cheesy pet names. 

• Buck loves seeing you in action on the field, like “That’s my girlfriend, you suckers!” kind of vibe. But he does step in when the situation gets dangerous for you. 

• Dates. DATES. Dates!!! Evan takes you on a date every day off from work. Honestly, he specifically asked Bobby to give him the same days off as you so the two of you could spend time with each other and have fun (but not too much fun - protective father Bobby Nash).

• Your favorite activity to do with Evan is definitely cooking! 

• Okay so, remember Jeffrey Hudson? Yeah, him. Buck is absolutely terrified that you’d be his next victim. After everything that happened with Athena, he fears that as an act of revenge towards your step mother, he’d kidnap you and….let’s just say Evan never had peace of mind after that. 

• Because of said fear, Evan asked you to move in with him, with Bobby’s blessing, of course. And you said yes! Living with Buck felt so natural, the domestic kind of life felt nice. I mean, the two of you weren’t only just playing house, but it’s kinda like a preparation for what’s to come. 

• Remember Abby? Well, Buck doesn’t care about her anymore. In fact, during the rescue, he told her “My wife and I are going to do everything to rescue your fiancé.” Him calling you his wife???? MADE YOU MELT! 

“Wife, huh?” You grinned, fixing your harness for the rescue operations. “I’m flattered, Buckley. But where’s my ring?”

“I-uh, you know I just said that-”

“I know, baby.” You kissed him on the cheek. “I love you.” 

“I love you more, my future wife.” Buck smiled, kissing your forehead. 

“That’s more like it.” You giggled, tugging on your straps to make sure they’re safe and secure. “Come back to me, alright?”

Buck nodded, placing another kiss on your temple. “Always. You stay safe, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too, Evan!”

“I love you too, Y/n!”

• When Maddie announces that she and Chim are expecting a baby, you and Buck were so excited! Auntie Y/n and Uncle Buck for the absolute win! 

• When Buck and Maddie’s parents came to visit, you stood by your boyfriend, holding his hand because you knew everything about his childhood and that he was seeing a therapist for it. And when the secret about their older brother was revealed, you were Evan’s rock—the only person he knows that would never lie to him. 

[successfulgoddess333]

MANIFESTATION IS CONFIRMATION APPLIED BY YOUR AFFIRMATION THAT YOUR DESIRES EXIST.

Am I rapper? Damn 😭✋🏾

ANYWAYSSSSSS

You don’t have to change your words

Change the way you word things

I know I mentioned

Before that you have to stop saying you’ll “try”

But honestly that’s exactly what you should do

I’m not trying to be hypocritical I just feel like I have an evolutionary experience every day I’m evolving into a new more educated more knowledgeable person

You should indeed “try”

Because trying to do something making an attempt

IS DOING IT

Trying IS doing!

It’s all about your energy that changes the way you are approaching the task

If you say

*in doubt*

“I’m going to try to meditate tonight ”

Vs

*Certain/Confident*

“I’m gonna to try to meditate”

The tone people the toneeee

Same sentence different energy

ily vs I love you vs I LOVE YOU vs love you…

Different tonessssss

If I text you

OH MY GOD

You’d be like “WHAT???”

Without emojis or any context you’d be terrified

Think of the tone you use when speaking like irl emojis

You’re going to TRY= I’m giving myself the opportunity to meditate and succeed

Or you’re going to “try”= I’m not too sure if this’ll work but I’m giving myself room to fail because I’m skeptical

Do you see the difference??

So do you wanna

“Try”

Or

TRY

TRYING= making an attempt but going in with a positive mindset giving yourself room for improvement and success

“Trying”= making an attempt but going in with a negative mindset giving yourself room for indecision,doubt and failure

Trying can lead to failure or success depending on your energy and the tone you use when saying the word

Also note

Your “fake scenarios” are real

You consider them fake because you put it on a pedestal and you think you could never do it that it’s out of reach bits in your head

No

This is literally what manifesting is

Manifestation is a confirmation that your desires exist

IMMA SAY IT AGAIN FOR DA DUMMIES(Jk ily)

MANIFESTATION IS CONFIRMATION APPLIED BY YOUR AFFIRMATION THAT YOUR DESIRES EXIST.

So you’re not affirming for something or someone new

Your “fake scenarios” are real realities

It already exists 🧍🏾‍♀️

Like a spy

You see your target(your desire)

Confirm it’s yours with affirmations

Why do you think

Affirmations are always

“I have-

“I am”

Etc

Because

IT ALREADY EXISTS YOU ARE JUST AFFIRMING IT TO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Which automatically believes you because

It has no eyes

Think about it

Your subconscious mind

Doesn’t know what you look like

It’s more of a sponge or tape recorder that just absorbs information

So

This is your life still

Only because you keep saying and thinking that so now you’re subconsciously recording the same information which is why you’re repeating yourself

Also forgot to mention

Stop being so darn negative

Why as humans would we choose to believe negativity over positivity

The world is constantly projecting negativity onto others in many ways

Through social media

Bullying cyber bullying

Harassment etc

And through the news

The news ESPECIALLY

So in conclusion

Society itself is unconsciously manifesting negativity

How to avoid it?

Get off your phone

Meditate

Go outside

Listen to music do something that makes you happy

Tell me why you’d happily believe a false narrative over a positive statement?

You’d rather believe the negativity because that’s all you see around you that’s why

THINK ABOUT IT💕

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Me or him (part 3)

~part 1 & part 2

pairing: felix x afab!reader x hyunjin

genre: angst, smut

word count: 2.6k

warning/s: swearing, brief description of sex, cheating, lots of drama & angst in this chapter, brief description of a panic attack, toxic behaviour, lots of fighting

a/n: i was supposed to work on cult of love but i was in an angsty mood, so enjoy ig and please reblog if you like it🫶🏻 (also this is not the ending of this fic, there will be more)

~check out my: Masterlist ~part 4

Hyunjin knows that Felix has always been a touchy-feely guy. He knows it's the way his friend expresses love. And he's used to it.

But he couldn't help but notice the lingering touches between his girlfriend and his best friend. Even though all three of you are friends, it seemed that gradually, hugs between you and Felix were tighter and longer.

He told himself that he's just imagining things and that there is no way there would ever be anything like that happening between the two of you.

Not when you're smiling at him so beautifully, bathed in the afternoon sun, wearing your pretty dress as you share a picnic blanket.

Hyunjin's hands itch to take out his sketchbook and fill it with yet another sketch of you, the lines and curves etched into his mind so deep that he could draw you in his sleep.

But he longs more to feel you closer to him so while you bask in the beauty of the nature around you, he sneakily sits behind you, arms around your waist as he pulls you into his embrace.

You shriek in surprise, your back flush against his chest as he leans his chin on your shoulder.

"What are you doing?"- you chuckle.

"I wanna hold you a little while, before I start sketching you."- Hyunjin smiles, gently moving your hair to the other side.

You're about to answer something witty but Hyunjin's lips are pressed into your skin, right over your pulse that reveals your heart beating fast.

"Oh..."- is all that leaves your lips as your boyfriend kisses you gently and holds you tight.

Your eyes are closed and you tilt your head, enjoying the quiet and the warmth.

You're about to lose yourself when Hyunjin suddenly pulls away.

"Why'd you stop?"- you whine and he laughs cutely and annoyingly at your pouty face.

"We can continue this at home."- he smirks and kisses your cheek.

And you don't think about Felix.

Until you do. Until he somehow creeps into your mind while Hyunjin sketches you. And you wonder what he's doing right now and if he's thinking about you too.

And you also wonder why are you thinking about another man when all you need to be happy is right here with you, your sweet boyfriend Hyunjin who always tries his best and loves you more than you know?

-

You and Hyunjin stumble into your apartment, giddy with the good vibes you shared on your picnic date. You're laughing until you almost choke on your spit when you see Felix standing in your living room.

"Ugh... I let myself in. Hope y'all don't mind."

Right. He knows where the spare key is hidden.

"Lix! Oh my god, I haven't seen you in weeks!"- Hyunjin is quick to greet his friend and you feel like your legs are heavy. Like you've grown roots and you can't move from where you're standing.

"Yeah, sorry, I was working on some projects."- Felix says and looks at you, his arms opening up, silently beckoning you in a hug.

You move towards him automatically and pat him awkwardly. Hyunjin watches the whole interaction.

"Hi, y/n."- Felix smiles like nothing is wrong. "I brought brownies."- he adds, pointing to the kitchen.

"Oh we haven't had those in a long time. I missed them actually."- Hyujin says and almost skips to the kitchen. Little does he know you've had those brownies for breakfast more times than you can count.

You throw daggers at Felix with your eyes while Hyunjin is busy digging into the tupperware his friend brought.

Felix gives you a smug smile before it melts into his innocent one.

"I thought we could hang out today. I'm sorry I didn't call in advance. I just wanted to surprise you guys."- he says.

"Nonsense! You're always welcome here, Lix."- Hyunjin says. "Right, y/n?"

"Yeah, ofcourse."- you nod.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom."- Hyunjin gets up and leaves the kitchen.

You wait and listen for the bathroom door to click.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"- you whisper to Felix, fuming at his presence in your apartment.

"Me? Nothing. I'm here just to hang out with my friends. Is that not allowed?"- he smirks.

"What are you planning?"- you squint, your heart beating fast in anger, hands already starting to shake.

"Nothing. But, I must say. You look really pretty in that dress. How come you never wear dresses for me?"- Felix bites on his lip, giving you the elevator eyes.

"Why would I wear dresses for you?"- you say through gritted teeth.

"You're really hot when you're mad."- he whispers, reaching his hand to touch your face but you grab his wrist mid-air.

"Don't touch me."- you say angrily, and both of you step away from each other as you hear Hyunjin coming back.

Felix just smirks at you again.

And even though you tried to get out of it, make just the two of them hang out or somehow make Felix leave, you ended up sitting on the couch between them.

Hyunjin suggested a movie night, and Felix was ofcourse all for it and that's how you ended up practically cuddled between them.

Your brain is racing, heart beating out of your chest as Hyunjin leans his head on your shoulder and comments on the movie, completely unaware of Felix's wandering hand under the blanket.

You couldn't believe he was this bold. Hyunjin was not even an arm's length away from him and Felix somehow managed to sneak his hand on your thigh.

At first, you jumped a little and Hyunjin asked if you were alright and you made some poor excuse as Felix squeezed your plushy flesh.

You hated how it made you feel, how any touch by him, even if it was feather-like made your core throb. Felix knew exactly what he was doing.

So, you decided to excuse yourself and go to bed.

Hyunjin kept asking if you were alright and you kept answering that you were just tired.

-

You weren't tired, no far from that. You were turned on by Felix touching you while Hyunjin was right there. What the hell is wrong with you?, you think.

"Baby, you okay?"- Hyunjin peers into your room.

"Did Lix leave?"- you ask.

"He did."- Hyunjin says and comes in, closing the door behind him. "Are you mad at him or something?"- he cautiously asks, kneeling behind you as you lay wrapped up in your blanket.

"No... I just wanted us to have the day to ourselves."- you say.

"Aw baby, I'm all yours now, I promise."- Hyunjin leans over you, kissing your head. "You still tired or you wanna continue where we left off today?"- he smirks, wiggling his eyebrows and you chuckle at him as you turn to look at him.

"Remind me where we left off."- you tease and Hyunjin grips your blanket, slowly pulling it down and leaving you just in a shirt and panties.

He leans in and kisses your neck, his hands splayed on your hips as you spread your legs to make room for him.

You try hard to not think about anything or anyone else, as Hyunjin's gentle hands caress your skin, his lips hot against you, worshipping you with all he has.

You're still trying, when Hyunjin's deep inside you, touching spots no one else has, when he whispers praise and love into your ear. Your head is thrown back, eyes closed and you clench around him.

"Ah- Felix!"- lost in the pleasure, it slips out of your lips and you both freeze.

"What did you just say?"- Hyunjin stops his movement and your eyes snap open.

"What did I say?"- you hope he hasn't heard you. You hope you hadn't said it actually, maybe you just thought of it.

"Why the hell would you moan Felix's name?"- Hyunjin asks, slipping out of you, his face unreadable.

"I- I don't know, Hyun! It slipped out! We were hanging out with him earlier and-" -you scramble to sit up.

"Bullshit! We hung out with him a million times before and you've never moaned his name while were making love."- Hyunjin stands up, clearly mad.

"Hyunjin, it's not what you think-"

"And what is it I'm thinking y/n? Why don't you enlighten me?"

"I-"

"I can't do this right now."- Hyunjin shakes his head, picking some of his clothes up.

"Where are you going?"- you ask, eyes already welling up with tears.

"To clear my head, before I do shit I'll regret."- he says and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

You can't believe you just did that. You can't believe you moaned your lovers name right into your boyfriend's face.

Your heart starts racing as your stomach churns. Your breaths become laboured and your hands shake. You feel like you're slipping into a panicked state, unable to even see because of the tears blurring your vision.

Your hand reaches out for your phone and you shakily manage to go into your contacts and click on his name.

"F-Felix?"- your ears are buzzing.

"Y/n?"- he answers.

"Where a-are you?"- you barely choke out, a sob escaping your lips.

"I'm home. Where are you? What's wrong?!"- he sounds concerned.

"I... I made a mistake. Hyunjin left. Please. Please come see me. I think - I think I'm gonna have a panic attack."- you somehow manage to say.

"Fuck, okay I'll be right there. Just, just stay with me on the phone, okay? Just try and take deep breaths together with me, hm?"- you hear rustling, and him slamming the door of his apartment, you assume.

"Okay, I'll try."- you say, tears now freely streaming down your cheeks as you still sit in bed, clutching the blanket that is wrapped around your shaking body.

"I'll drive as fast as I can, okay?"- he says.

"Be safe."- you say, and Felix's hands grip the wheel harshly as he hits the gas.

"Sure."- he says. "Now, let's try and take those deep breaths in."

-

Felix arrives in less than twelve minutes, you hear his hurried footsteps running from the door to your room.

"Y/n?"- he calls out as he walks in and you look up at him, still in the same spot you were in when Hyunjin stormed out.

You can't really talk as you sob and hiccup and Felix rushes to your side, grabbing your shaking hands.

"What happened?"- he asks and you shake your head.

"It's okay, I'm here."- Felix sighs sadly, pulling you into his embrace, your hands grip his shirt and you bury your face into his chest and keep crying.

He's caressing your head, shushing you and whispering comforting words like he always does.

You manage to calm down a little after a few minutes.

"Can you tell me what happened now?"- Felix asks quietly, his hands coming up to wipe away your tears.

"I fucked up. I fucked up bad."

"What did you do?"- he asks, taking your hands in his once again.

"I- I accidentally said your name while Hyunjin and I were- you know-"

"Oh. Oh."- Felix looks stunned.

"He was so mad, Lix. Like he already knew something."

"What did he say?"

"He said he needs to clear his head before he does something he'll regret."- you say.

"Look, I'm not gonna lie and say I wouldn't be glad if the two of you broke up. But, I'm also your friend and I don't want you to be hurt."

"It's too late. I already hurt myself, it's all my fault."- you start crying again.

"Shh, I'm at fault too. You're not alone in this, y/n."- Felix says as he holds your face and leans in to kiss you and you let him.

You don't know why but you always let him. Your brain and your body find comfort in Felix, even though it's wrong. Even if he's using you in your fucked up state.

A voice inside you tells you he isn't just using you and that's probably why you can never push him away.

Not even when the bedroom doors open and you hear Hyunjin scoff.

Felix and you practically fly away from each other, startled by the sound.

"Hyunjin!"- you freak out as Felix stands up from the bed.

"I can't believe I was right. After everything, both of you put a knife in my back."- Hyunjin eyes the both of you, something distant and cold in his usually warm eyes.

"Hyunjin it's not-"

"Shut up, you cheating whore!"- he loses it suddenly.

"Don't talk to her like that!"- Felix intervenes.

"Or what? You gonna hit me after you fucked my girlfriend, huh best friend?"

Felix shuts his mouth, guilt finally catching up to him as a lump forms in his throat.

"How long have you two been going behind my back? Just answer me that."- Hyunjin breathes deeply, his ears and neck painted red in rage.

"A year or so."- you answer quietly.

"A year- Okay. Well. I'm done with the both of you. Don't even bother trying to explain or contact me. I'll send someone to pick my stuff up from here cause I don't ever wanna see your faces again. You two are disgusting and you deserve each other. Now you can enjoy together without me being in the way of your happiness."- Hyunjin spits and you can see tears forming in his eyes but he turns around quickly before either of you can react and he's gone.

Hyunjin is gone.

Rage bubbles up inside you, you're mad. You're mad at your poor decision making, at your weakness, you're mad at throwing away a good thing, you're mad at Felix but mostly at yourself.

Still, you take it out on him.

You get up and grab some of your clothes as Felix watches you getting dressed quickly.

"Are you happy now, Felix?"- you say angrily.

"Me? Oh, so now this is all my fault."- he throws his hands up angrily.

"It's not but you said you'd be happy if Hyunjin and I broke up. Are you happy now?"

"I didn't say that exactly. But, I'm also not exactly sad. I'm only worried about you."

"You don't get to worry about me."- you say, shaking with anger.

"W-what do you mean? What about us?"- his voice wavers.

"Us? There is no us, Felix. There never was and there never will be."

"Don't - don't say that. You don't mean that."- Felix looks pained. Your heart hurts because of everything. You can't take it. You can't look at him. Not right now.

"What, you thought I'd jump into your arms the moment Hyunjin steps out?"

"You don't have a problem jumping into my arms any time you feel like it."- Felix crosses his arms.

"What does that mean?"

"What I said. You call me. I always answer. You invite yourself to my apartment. I always let you in. You need a shoulder to cry on, you always lean on me. You need someone to fuck your sadness away, so I let you use me. Did you ever ask if I needed support? A shoulder to cry on? Did you ever ask how I feel?"- he's angry now, his lips trembling.

"Don't make this about you."- you say.

"No, because everything is about you. And I still want to stay next to you. Even if you're being selfish, I'd take it. I'd take any crumb you give me, like a fucking stray dog."- Felix says angrily.

"That sounds like your problem and not mine. I don't want you here. Not anymore. I want you to leave."- you say coldly.

"Really? You don't... You don't care about me at all?"

You don't answer, turning your back to him as your eyes water again.

"Goodbye, Felix."

Taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @yongbokkiesworld @selinia86 @xxkhxndlelitexx @hash2013

[lifelaughloveharrystyles]

Ross Lynch: givemewhatuwant

*on tour with the driver era 2024*

“Y/N do you know where we are at?” Garrison calls from the back of the bus with all the boys.

The Driver Era has been on tour for about a month now, traveling all over the east coast showcasing their phenomenal songs that they made from scratch. I had the amazing opportunity to come on the tour as one of the equipment managers. This has been my biggest dream in my career, working at “The Doors Rock Shop”. It’s a well known instrument company in Atlanta Georgia where people would go to get a guitar and a crystal at the same time. I got this amazing job with touring The Driver Era with my cousin Poppy who is with us on tour as one of the tour photographers.

“Y/N!” Ryland shouts from the back. I look outside to see we are about to arrive to the venue in Asheville North Carolina. “we are about to pull up to the venue guys!” I said looking to the back of the bus and I see Ross in the hall with just pajamas pants on. “Word! i’m ready to stretch my legs and get out and move.” Ross said stretching his arms looking like he just woke up from a nap.

Ross and I have gotten really close on this tour. i’m normally not on their bus, i travel in a large van behind the bus with the crew. We haven’t stopped talking to each other whether it’s in person while im helping carry his beautiful gibson to him when he goes in for his solos or text. We make these jokes everytime I have to give his guitar to him in a show and I always make a bet with him about how many girls will scream “take your shirt off!”. Secretly I was jealous I couldn’t be those beautiful girls making him smile and shake his hips like that and pleading to take his shirt off for me. Having him as a friend is the best, I just know he could never like me that way. I’m his equipment manager, I lift speakers and drums for a living and he’s a fucking rockstar sex god. I mean look at his recent ex. like how can I compare to Jaz Sinclair. I have to be just a friend to protect myself from that energy.

Everyone ends up scattering across the venue to start their projects for the day. The show starts at 8 so I scramble around to the strings van to transfer the instruments to their spots on the stage so the boys can start soundchecking and tuning their guitars to the songs.

“Y/N why is it you’re always the one carrying the most stuff in the building when Greg is suppose to do that because of your knee.” Riker says from the green room where I walked in with a coffee for myself and him. “Riker i’m telling you Greg is so fucking slow I can’t bear watching him take 45 minutes to set up a guitar stand. I gotta get the shit done so I can actually enjoy myself for the day.” I express to him and i’m frazzled pinging from one corner of the stage to the other figuring out all the wires and amps so they can start their sound check.

“Y/N take a deep breath or a certain someone is going to come in here and see this and raise hell.” Riker laughed as he secretly points in the direction of Ross and Rocky’s green room. I roll my eyes and wave him off not believing a word he said.

Riker thinks he’s slick with trying to hook me up with Ross ever since we started the tour. i’ve seen the small hints of asking ross to come to me when he can’t find the setlist or where his extra picks are. Riker is basically our tour mom, he is making everyone smoothies and making sure everyone is hydrated before every show. Besides Ross, me and Riker have been attached to the hip.

“Shut up Riker before I grab a pair of scissors and cut your bass strings” I jokingly threaten him with a huge smile on my face.

“Oh God Riker what did you do to piss Y/N off again?” Ross said coming out of the side stage with a vintage baseball cap that says “i’m a local celebrity” with a white tee and baggy light washed denim pants. he slings his arm over my shoulder making us sway to the random song playing on the speakers. I look up to see him already looking down at me with that infamous smile he wears. “Nice Hat pretty boy.” i laughed and flicked the bill of the hat. “So which songs are we playing tonight? any newbies?” I smile back at him really hoping he’ll play one of my favorite songs at the show tonight. “Yes Y/N we are playing givemewhatuwant and Natural if that’s what you’re asking.” he chuckles and pulls away from me to pick up his guitar to start sound checking. I squeal and jump off the stage and start jogging to the doors to get the rest of the equipment “YES ROSS YOURE THE BEST” I scream at him and blow him a friendly kiss as I run out the door.

*Ross’ POV*

Y/N is the most precious and loving human I have ever met. she just brightens the room when she walks in. Whether it’s her bubbly personality or just her energy she radiates, it’s one of the reasons why I love having her close by. She makes me feel like life is worth living again. Heartbreak after heartbreak, I felt like love isn’t an option for me anymore. I have thousands of people falling at my feet but it never fills the void of feeling unloved. Hookups and one night stands can only do so much to the point even sex isn’t appealing to you anymore. Ever since Y/N walked into my life, it’s has taken a complete 180. I feel lighter. happier. I wake up excited for the day knowing I get to see and talk to the most beautiful woman I have ever met. She doesn’t compare to any girl I have ever been with or even seen. Befriending her was my first hit in the game and i’m ready for the home run. I want her to be mine. I need her to be my girl. I feel like I can’t live life without her by my side. she completes me in a way I have never felt before. I’m worried i’ll scare her away if I confess what i’ve been feeling inside. I just need to rip the bandaid and just go for it, be a man and express this to this wonderful girl.

*10 minutes before showtime*

*Y/N POV*

“what’s our bet tonight Ross?” I ask him walking up to the band. I just finished helping set up the stage for The Driver Era after Valé’s performance. She did amazing as she does every night. Tonight however the energy feels a bit off. Ross looks like he’s in his head about something and I just don’t know what. Everything went smoothly today and the crowd already has such a good vibe for the night, there’s nothing else to worry about. “Ross? You good?” I asked while rubbing his arm while he looks off in the distance.

“Yeah i’m good, just in my head a bit. Nothing to worry about, probably stage fright.” he has a fake smile plastered on his face to try and not worry me. I know him better than anyone that he is in his head about something and it’s definitely not stage fright.

“Do you need to talk before you go on? you are not good. you can try and fake smile at me but you know it’s not going to work. What’s going on in that head of yours?” I step forward to see his full face instead of the side and look up in those beautiful hazel brown eyes he adorns on his face. he sighs loudly and closes his eyes before opening them he says. “Y/N there’s been a lot of shit going on in my life and ever since I met you, it seems like everything disappeared when you walked in the room. You make me so happy and giddy to the point I get antsy when I don’t see you first thing in the morning. You light up my life and I know we only have known each other for a month but I feel it. My God I hope you feel it too so I don’t feel like the biggest idiot before this sold out show. I like you Y/N, I don’t want to wake up without you by my side. Please tell me you feel the same.” he pleads and grabs

my face in his hands and put his forehead to mine.

“Just shut up and kiss me Ross. I’ve been waiting way too long for you to say those words. I just need your lips on mine before you-“ he slams his lips on mine before I could sentence my sentence. I wrap my arms around his neck melting in his arms loving every second of this moment.

“Ross let’s go! you’ll have plenty of time to make out with Y/N after the show, come on!” Rocky shouts from the side stage making us break away from our heavy kiss. I smile and push him towards his brother. “Lucky for you i’m going to be in the pit with Poppy helping her take photos. I promise to get the best angles, I might sneak a couple just for my entertainment.” I smirk and he laughs and kisses my cheek and runs on stage right on his cue.

The boys are rocking out and came out full throttle. I’ve been helping poppy this show because one of the extra photographers called out and couldn’t make it. I can already feel the energy in this knowing it’s gonna be a great night. “ Y/N why has Ross been staring and smirking at you all night? Did he finally have the balls to do it?” She smirks at me side glancing to the stage. I look up and sure enough he’s staring at me with hooded eyes with his hair clinging to his sweaty forehead. He squats down to my level and curls his finger for me to come closer. I take a step towards him and he whispers “you are making it incredibly hard for me to stop this show and take you backstage to have my girl strip that skirt off so I can fuck that beautiful pussy.” he kisses my earlobe and pulls away before I could even react. my jaw drops and I step back and look at poppy and she’s busting out laughing at my reactions and hugs me and squeals in excitement. She always said from day one that Ross will end up falling over me. I brushed it out because of stupidity and insecurities. Now i’m like ‘fuck she’s right…. again’.

“That man is already planning the wedding in his brain and he hasn’t even gotten in your pants yet. I saw the kiss when I was setting up. “ She says while snapping pictures of the band while they play “Natural”. I get excited and dance and sing along. I decide to tease ross a bit, i shake my hips to the beat and drag my palms up my stomach making my shirt ride up a bit. He notices and bites his lip and tilts his hat down and looks at me with sultry eyes. I wink at him and flick him off. he smirks and proceeds to perform the rest of the song.

The show finally ended and the boys are celebrating in the green room with a couple of drinks. I finished my job for the night when I start searching for Ross to actually start my night. I feel hands wrap around my middle and I instantly melt when I smell fresh body wash and sandalwood. “Let’s go to the bus, I promise to keep my hands to myself” Ross mumbles kissing my neck with his hands roaming my hips pulling me closer to his warmth. I chuckle and turn my head to see his face and tease his lips with mine before I dart towards the direction of the bus. I hear his laughs behind me when I get up to the door to the bus.

he meets me inside and starts teasing my neck again guiding me to the back of the bus. He closes the sliding door and locks it in place. I arch my neck towards him in a way to let him know I want his lips on me. He starts sucking on my neck behind my ear. he kisses all the way to my lips and he slams his lips on mine. I moan and run my fingers through his hair and tug at the ends. He groans in my mouth and starts unzipping my corset like top. I gasp when I feel the cold air on my bare back. The shirts comes loose from my body and falls at our feet. “Beautiful” He whispers to himself when he see my breasts in full exposure. He starts peppering kisses all over my breasts and he cups his lips around my nipple and start sucking to drive me wild. I moan a sound that has never escaped from me before and I tug his face up to mine “Just fuck me already Ross. I need you so bad. Feel how wet I am” I whimper grabbing his hand and pressing it to my core. he rubs his fingertips against the sensitive nub and I moan loudly biting my lip. He shrugs his pants off and throws his shirt somewhere while I undress myself as fast as I can. “I wanted this to be slow and make this moment last as long as possible but I can’t bear anything anymore. I need to be inside you baby.” Ross said as he slips on a condom with a groan. He pushes the tip towards my entrance and I close my eyes waiting for the first push. “Look at me Y/N. I need to see your face” he pleads. I open my eyes the same time he enters me and I gasp at the size of him. He slowly thrusts in and out letting me get used to his size.

“Faster Baby. Fuck you feel so good” I scream as his pace picks up. he grabs my leg and throws it over his left shoulder slamming his hips into the back of my thighs. He presses a hand against my stomach and I moan feeling him deeper inside of me. “Fuck baby I can feel it. My god your pussy is perfect. You’re so tight, you were made for me” He groans fucking me harder making me slam a hand on the window beside me. “Ross i’m so close. please let me cum. fuck baby” I moan in his ear and drag my nails down his back. “Yes baby. Let go for me. Cum all over my cock. Make a mess of me. “ he slams his hips into mine as we both hit our climax at the same time. he thrusts slowly while we come from our highs. I breathe heavily and rest my head on the armrest of couch. Ross slowly lays his head on my breast letting some of his weight fall on me. I run my hand through his hair and just smile wanting this moment to never end.

“Whatcha thinking about beautiful?” he asked slowly pulling out making me wince. “Just realizing how did I get this lucky? I don’t deserve you.” my eyes start tearing up looking at his eyes and studying all of his features. “You don’t deserve me? You got it all wrong baby. You are the most beautiful human I have ever laid my eyes on. We are meant to be here in this moment for a reason and I know down the road we will look back at this time and just laugh and smile about all these memories we have made together. I want to make memories with you forever Y/N. l- I love you so fucking much I can’t hold it in anymore.” He rambles sitting up on the L shaped couch and pulling me to his chest. I breathe in his scent and close my eyes. “Ross, I love you so much it makes it hard for me to breathe. I’ll love you to the day I die.” I look up at him and he slams his lips on mine putting a hand over my heart to feel the thumps of my rapid heartbeat. Our lips move and he slips his tongue in and our tongues dance along together lazily.

We finally had the energy to get up after 30 minutes of lazy kisses and just appreciating the moment we just shared. Everyone comes back to the bus after the celebratory shots.

“So where did both of you guys run off too earlier?” Garrison asked slipping on a hoodie and a crochet bucket hat I made for him in Wisconsin. “I don’t kiss and tell but it was definitely fun for sure.” Ross winks and pulls me to sit on his lap.

“They fucked in the back of the bus. there’s a hand print on the window to prove it.” Ryland said smirking into his tequila soda. I roll my eyes and tap the bottom of his cup to make it spill all over his neck and shirt. “Y/N what the fuck dude!” he shouts snatching napkins from Riker. I laugh so hard I snort and then that makes everyone in the bus have a laughing fit. I lean my head back on ross’ shoulder and he kisses the top of my head whispering “I love you” in my ear. my eyes start drooping and I fall asleep on the love of my life and already can’t wait to wake up to experience this life with him.

[frankingsteinery]

i’ve seen a lot of people in general agreement of the headcanon that victor is on the spectrum, but i’ve very rarely seen someone examine the why, and being the persnickety superfluous person that i am (and not being immune to projection myself) i thought i’d try my hand at it and break down his autistic traits!

disclaimer that this interpretation is speculative and is simply my unprofessional neurodivergent opinion + it’s based on contemporary understandings of psychology, which were not part of shelley's context, however autistic people have always existed even if there wasnt a word for it during that time period, etc etc. you know the drill

without further ado!

-- communication & social interaction

first and foremost, many autistics struggle with socialization. victor’s inclination to attach himself to a single friend (henry) and only talking to those inside of his close circle rather than forming many connections reflects this tendency, and he himself acknowledges his dislike and indifference of strangers. for example:

“It was my temper to avoid a crowd and to attach myself fervently to a few. I was indifferent, therefore, to my school-fellows in general; but I united myself in the bonds of the closest friendship to one among them”

“My life had hitherto been remarkably secluded and domestic, and this had given me invincible repugnance to new countenances… I believed myself totally unfitted for the company of strangers”

furthermore, he lacks relationship degradation (he does not require regular interaction or relationship maintenance to sustain a bond). during the creation process, he (presumably) goes months without writing to his family and friends, which clerval lectures him for:

“Very well, and very happy, only a little uneasy that they hear from you so seldom. By the by, I mean to lecture you a little upon their account myself."

yet upon his arrival at ingolstadt:

"...nothing could equal [his] delight on seeing Clerval."

victor also takes things literally several times and social nuances can fly over his head. he demonstrates this literalism when first meeting elizabeth:

"And when, on the morrow, she presented Elizabeth to me as her promised gift, I, with childish seriousness, interpreted her words literally and looked upon Elizabeth as mine"

and, of course, the infamous i will be with you on your wedding-night scene, when the creature obviously means he tends to harm elizabeth, not victor himself:

“It is well. I go; but remember, I shall be with you on your wedding-night.” I started forward and exclaimed, “Villain! Before you sign my death-warrant, be sure that you are yourself safe!"

he also goes nonverbal and groans/vocalizes instead of speaking when upset. there's several instances of this that i can recall (i believe another is with walton), but i could only find one, where elizabeth has to speak for him during their visit to justine:

"When she saw who it was, she approached me and said, “Dear sir, you are very kind to visit me; you, I hope, do not believe that I am guilty?” ... I could not answer. “No, Justine,” said Elizabeth"

and this is more of a sidenote but he gives walton every. minute. detail. of his story, including his childhood in-depth (which was not particularly relevant to the moral of victors tale, which was the whole reason he wound up sharing his story in the first place) which definitely feels like. Something. reminiscent of infodumping almost.

-- repetitive behaviors

victor shows both repetitive motions and repetitive language to such an extent that it'd be ridiculous to put them all here, particularly when he is distressed and agitated. some of these motions include clasping his hands, covering his face with his hands, and gnashing his teeth, which he does on walton's boat, after finding out about william's death, in his confrontation with the creature, during his time at the orkney islands, etc. the use of certain phrases/verbal repetition  include his many "great god!"s and "begone!"s, which he usually says in reaction to the creature or while grieving a loved one. these behaviors are arguably self-stimulatory (stimming) and done to cope with overwhelming, stressful situations.

-- fixations/spinterests

ths one's perhaps his most blatant characteristic. victor has a highly focused, intense interest, initially in in the workings of the world itself:

"It was the secrets of heaven and earth that I desired to learn... still my inquiries were directed to the metaphysical, or in its highest sense, the physical secrets of the world."

"The world was to me a secret, which I desired to discover;"

"I have described myself as always having been imbued with a fervent longing to penetrate the secrets of nature"

this is to the extent that his education is noticeably different from his peers, both in acceleration in the topic of his choice and neglect of other, more typical studies due to the intensity of this focus:

“I confess that neither the structure of languages, nor the code of governments, nor the politics of various states possessed attractions for me.”

“…but by some fatality the overthrow of these men disinclined me to pursue my accustomed studies.”

this early fixation eventually narrows into a special interest in ancient alchemy, after victor finds one of agrippa's works and a "new light seems to dawn upon [his] mind," upon which he proceeds to acquire all the works of agrippa and other authors:

"When I returned home my first care was to procure the whole works of this author, and afterwards of Paracelsus and Albertus Magnus. I read and studied the wild fancies of these writers with delight; they appeared to me treasures known to few besides myself"

this remains his special interest until he is a teenager, upon which, after finding out ancient alchemy has been disproven, he takes up mathematics until his arrival at ingolstadt. then, his interest shifts into a fixation on natural philosophy, particularly chemistry, which becomes his "sole occupation":

"He concluded with a panegyric upon modern chemistry, the terms of which I shall never forget... one by one the various keys were touched which formed the mechanism of my being; chord after chord was sounded, and soon my mind was filled with one thought, one conception, one purpose"

"I read with ardour those works, so full of genius and discrimination, which modern inquirers have written on these subjects... the stars often disappeared in the light of morning whilst I was yet engaged in my laboratory. As I applied so closely, it may be easily conceived that my progress was rapid. My ardour was indeed the astonishment of the students, and my proficiency that of the masters"

which, of course, develops into an interest in physiology and the structure of the human frame, which leads to his obsession over the secret of life, followed by being "thus engaged, heart and soul, in one pursuit" during the creation of the creature.

-- intense, volatile emotions; resistance to change

in general, victor is very emotionally demonstrative, and has difficulty managing these emotions. he also experiences quick fluctuations in emotion. this is something he has experienced since childhood, and is something he maintains as an adult, when he acknowledges that:

"My temper was sometimes violent…"

some examples of these shifts in emotion:

"My heart, which was before sorrowful, now swelled with something like joy..."

"Sometimes he commanded his countenance and tones and related the most horrible incidents with a tranquil voice, suppressing every mark of agitation; then, like a volcano bursting forth, his face would suddenly change to an expression of the wildest rage as he shrieked out imprecations on his persecutor"

hand in hand with his emotional dysregulation, he shows resistance to change and has strong reactions to this change. the most obvious example of this is during the animation of the creature:

"The different accidents of life are not so changeable as the feelings of human nature... but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart"

"Mingled with this horror, I felt the bitterness of disappointment; dreams that had been my food and pleasant rest for so long a space were now become a hell to me; and the change was so rapid, the overthrow so complete!"

but it also occurs when moving to ingolstadt, suggesting a discomfort with unfamilarity and a need for stability:

I threw myself into the chaise that was to convey me away and indulged in the most melancholy reflections. I, who had ever been surrounded by amiable companions, continually engaged in endeavouring to bestow mutual pleasure—I was now alone.

-- black-and-white thinking

this aspect is most clearly shown through the way victor thinks about, and drops and gains interests and relationships. he spends years studying ancient alchemy and it is his principle interest, and then drops it on a dime and suddenly looks upon this passion with contempt:

“By one of those caprices of the mind which we are perhaps most subject to in early youth, I at once gave up my former occupations, set down natural history and all its progeny as a deformed and abortive creation, and entertained the greatest disdain for a would-be science which could never even step within the threshold of real knowledge. In this mood of mind I betook myself to the mathematics and the branches of study appertaining to that science as being built upon secure foundations, and so worthy of my consideration”

later, he spends four years with his mind filled with "one thought, one conception, one purpose" studying the processes of life so intensely he forgoes adequate food, water and rest. this culminates in the creation and subsequent animation of the creature, which he again turns around and abandons this interest immediately, to the extent that he cannot bear to think of natural philosophy:

Ever since the fatal night, the end of my labours, and the beginning of my misfortunes, I had conceived a violent antipathy even to the name of natural philosophy.

it's a very polarized, all-or-nothing approach that is mirrored with his relationships, too, which he alternatedly neglects -- he cuts contact when he goes to ingolstadt but abruptly picks it up again when henry comes into his life; when the creature flees victor's apartment, victor treats it as if he never existed entirely; his family only comes to the center of the narrative again when he gets the letter from alphonse about william's murder, despite 2 years having been passed at ingolstadt, etc.

and finally;

-- low empathy

victor repeatedly focuses solely on his own internal emotional experience, and struggles to fully comprehend and understand the depth of feelings of others and respond with compassion in conventional ways. during justine's trial, for instance, he elevates his own suffering above justine's, even as she faces her literal execution:

I rushed out of the court in agony. The tortures of the accused did not equal mine; she was sustained by innocence, but the fangs of remorse tore my bosom and would not forgo their hold.

Despair! Who dared talk of that? The poor victim, who on the morrow was to pass the awful boundary between life and death, felt not, as I did, such deep and bitter agony. 

similarly, victor dismisses ernest's grief after william's death, he frames it in terms of how it affects himself -- telling ernest to "be more calm" to avoid causing his own discomfort:

Ernest began to weep as he said these words. “Do not,” said I, “welcome me thus; try to be more calm, that I may not be absolutely miserable the moment I enter my father’s house after so long an absence.

this detachment suggests not deliberate cruelty (victor very clearly loves his family, and he's said to be kind several times) but a limited capacity to process and respond to other's emotions. this is a detachment that extends to his views of the dead. during the creation of the creature, he refers to the corpses he utilizes as only "materials" instead of once having been fully-fledged human beings, and he does not contemplate the lives or dignity of the deceased.

aaaaaand thats it! thank you for indulging my. headcanon projection land. let me know what you all think...

[qirongshusband]

⋆˚࿔ Daddy ? 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

MENTIONS - Smut, Public sex, FTM!Reader, Pussy eating, edging, fingering, stretching out, fucking your boss, daddy kink, praising, Imk if I missed anything!

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

You were at work, organizing files and cleaning around your work desk. It was a mess from the amount of work your Boss, Toji, was giving you. You honestly wanted to quit that man give you no breaks and always put so much work on you. 'I swear. this dickhead puts all this work on me then doesn't give me a raise?' You thought in your head.

As angry as you were though you needed to keep your composure and stay calm, it was almost the end of the day and you figured you'd just talk to him after work like regular adults instead of yelling at him. Although you wanted too..you sighed finishing up with the organizing.

You noticed your co-worker, Gojo! You loved Gojo about how funny and chill of a dude he was. Who wouldn't? He's the only thing that makes working under Toji enjoyable, after all that man worked you to the bone. "Hey Gojo! You heading home?" You asked looking at him with a warm smile, he then spoke back in his normal silly tone. "You bet your ass I am, another second here and I swear I could just lose my MIND!" He joked chuckling softly he grabbed his bag that carried his files, documents, and work papers. "But yeah I am heading home, I'll see you tomorrow, L/N."

You sighed as you noticed he walked out the doors, you were finishing up as you finally finished, looping your bag around your shoulders you walked to Toni's office, he was still there as he obviously had to stay over until everyone was gone or until his own work was finished. You looked at him and became slightly nervous. You were sweating bullets..god how were you going to ask him for a raise? What if he fires you? What if he adds more onto your work? You brushed all those thoughts aside and begun to speak in slightly shaky nervous tone, "Toji, sir. I think I deserve a raise.. l've been putting on all of these extra assignments and projects with no break. And you still pay me the same."

He looked at you raising an eyebrow, he then spoke in a low tone, "you? a raise? Why should I?" He grinned slightly as he softly chuckled as he looked into your eyes before his attention turned back to his computer, he took a sip of his coffee, such an asshole of a boss. You wish you could get him fired. Your eyebrows slightly furrowed as your expression became a bit more stern and angry, "sir, as I just STATED..l've been working way more than my pay salary I dese—" he cut you off as he was barely looking at you or paying you any mind, "I heard what you said, but it's your job. Is it not? To listen to your boss." He said in a cocky tone.

You stood there. in shock..was he normally like this? You wondered. You then became a bit more agitated as you walked up to his desk slamming your hands on the table staring into his green eyes, you slightly blushed before snapping out of it..what was that? You've never had that reaction before but you then spoke once again in a bit more of an angry tone, "Just because you're my boss doesn't mean you otta be a dick. All I'm asking is pay me what I'm worth." He looked back at you into your eyes, he grinned once more before closing his laptop. "Hm..y'know, maybe you need to prove yr'self that you're worth such a pay."

You sighed as you then rubbed the bridge of your nose in annoyance, you then spoke in a frustrated tone. "And how am I supposed to prove myself more?" He then got up from his seat, standing up fully. He was much taller and bigger than you..you seriously needed to know his work out routine his body was so fit and.. snap out of it oh my god?! You watched him walk to the door closing and locking it, you raised your head asking "sir? Why are you locking the door?" You asked a bit curious on why he would do that. Were you in trouble? Shit.

"No, you aren't in trouble. I actually have a way you could prove yourself..maybe a promotion." Your eyes lit up as you then smiled a bit, "really? What is it?!" You asked with a bit of hope as you noticed his grin, he walked towards you as he slightly leaned down. "Are you good at pleasing men, L/N? If so..you'd be perfect. The position pays much more than your current one." Your eyes widened as you jaw hung open a bit..you shook your head and processed what he said. "By pleased..you mean..sex?" You asked with a slight blush on your face, sweating even more than when you first walked in.

"Correct," he said his face suddenly now inches away from his..he spoke but his voice was different..it sounded like desire and lust. "Are you up for the job, sweetheart?" He placed his large hand on the side of your face softly caressing it. You thought about it..sleeping with your boss for extra money? But you needed the extra cash. You were sometimes late on rent and this could help so you agreed, "fine."

"Good boy." He said as he then began to kiss you, it was deep and passionate, barely leaving any room for air he closed all gaps you could barely pull away. Every time the both of your lips parted he quickly smashed his against your quickly, you slowly but slowly then kissed him back..you felt yourself getting wet from this. Oh my god. Did you really enjoy this? You did..every second of it too. Obviously from the way you softly moaned his name through out the make our session you both had.

He then broke the kiss, looking at you..the state you were in. You were panting and whimpering slightly, Toji began to make his hands down onto your buckle before he then undid your belt pulling down your pants. His dick throbbed and got hard seeing the panties you were wearing..black laced panties barely hiding your folds, your wetness. "You're already this wet? Shit we wouldn't need lube at this point." You looked away embarrassed as he blatantly called you out.

He also undid his pants as he slid them down letting them drop to his ankles, his coco sprung free and you looked down eyes quickly widening at the length of it..?? No 9 inches. 9 fucking inches..you weren't even sure if that would even fucking fit. "There's no way that'll fit.." you mumbled your thoughts out loud as he smirked and chuckled, "oh it will. Don't worry doll, it will. I'll make it fit."

You blinked..wondering how he'd make that big dick of his fit..but you trusted him..you then spoke up. "um..sir, l'm a uh. I'm a virgin." You looked away embarrassed since your first time was going like this, such a weird and embarrassing way to lose your virginity. "Oh? That's fine. I'll take good care of you, Y/N." He said in a slightly gentle but low tone as he then laid you out onto his office desk, your legs hanging off of it. He slowly pulled down your black laced panties as he slowly leaned his face closer to your cunt. He slid a finger in with ease, he then latched his mouth on your clit.. you shuddered a little as your hips squirmed a bit..”ah..agnh..” you let out soft sweet moans that are like music to his ears.

He began licking and sucking on your clit while his teeth 'accidentally' bit on your clit. Toji slide another finger into your cunt as he then moved them in a scissoring motion. All of your pre-cum leaking onto his fingers, down to his wrist, and onto his arm. You were really getting this turned on just from him fingering you so your tight little cunt could take that huge cock of his. It wasn't your fault you were a virgin or that your cunt was so tight..he then spoke right on your clit sending vibrations on it, "already turned on from this? If I didn't know any better l'd say you've been wantin' this. Hm?"

"N-no! I just..l've never done this before." You said quickly as Toji continued to suck and lick your clit, his nibbling became more frequent as he kept on biting down on it. On purpose, it felt so good..him biting on your bud like that. You loved it, and you wanted more, "don't..stop. Please don't stop.." you begged him bringing a hand to the back of his head bringing his head closer applying more pressure. Toji slipped in a third finger and slid all three of them all the way in. He continued to finger you more as you felt Toji had found 'that spot' you didn't thing it existed and was just some excuse for pornstars to lose their shit too. Your legs began shaking as you felt close to a small release..you needed more wanted more.

"Ffuak..ah..mmh..more..more more more.., you begged him you kept begging babbling like a dumbass. You wanted to feel that sweet release for the first time, "Patient baby, I'll get there." Toji said as he stretched you out more then sliding his fingers out, "h-huh? Why'd you stop?..! was so close." You whined as you then pouted.. "didn't I tell ya' to be patient? Listen to daddy." He said with a sigh as he then brought his tongue to your hole, oh my god oh my god he was eating you out. He put his TONGUE inside YOU!! But holy shit it felt like fucking heaven..it felt so good. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your mouth was hung open, only thing coming out of that mouth of yours were sweet slightly loud moans. You wiggled your hips closer to him as you wrapped your legs around his head so he wouldn't stop.

Toji's tongue was big and long, it felt so slimy and a bit weird but it was amazing..you allow him to stop, he wasn't going to stop anyways even if you asked him too. He wanted to make your first time memorable just so you know no one could fuck you the way he does. So you come back crawling to him for him. Wanting you to desire him..His tongue moved in and out wiggling around your gummy walls. Your pre and slick juices getting on his face and into his mouth was such a turn on for him..especially the way your plush thighs were wrapped around his head..you felt a knot in your stomach that you needed to get rid of..

He put his fingers on your clit applying pressure before rubbing it in a circular motion. he went slow at first but then slowly went faster and faster. The pleasure was too much, you were letting out soft choked moans as you then squirted and came onto Toji's face, "F-FUAK! AH~!..MMPH..NGH..haah..ah..~" you moaned slowly as you laid against his desk, your legs slowly falling onto his shoulders. Oh but don't get tired yet..you aren't done. Oh no you're far from done.

"Getting tired on me that quickly, boy? Oh we aren't done, far from done." He said with a sly grin, that fucking grin..that grin he did always pissed you off but right now was different, it made you wet. Horny. Toji slowly spreads your legs as he stood in between them, admiring the view..your small curvy body. He began unbuttoning your shirt noticing that you were wearing binding tape, "am I allowed to remove this, sweetheart? Only if you're comfortable." He asked, he was being so sweet and gentle? You felt your heart flutter as you nodded your head with approval, be began slowly undoing the binding tape you previously had on, your body was completely exposed to him and you blushed looking away embarrassed, he placed his hand on the side of your face making you look at him, "don't look away, I want you to look at me the whole time, I want you to watch. Okay baby?". "yes, daddy." you said in a soft tone as you kept your eyes locked on him, "good boy. Such a good boy for daddy."

Toji plopped his big cock on your small cunt, it was so long the tip rested near your belly button, oh god..you were a bit nervous for this but you really needed the money..but it wasn't about that anymore was it? Was it also that you maybe wanted this? You desired this but you didn't realize? Fucking your own boss? Letting him fuck and rearrange your guts? Maybe. Toji grabbed your legs holding them together as he began to thigh fuck you, his cock also rubbed against your cunt and clit. You moaned and whimpered softly..the way his tip glided across back and forth on your clit felt so good. Feeling his warmth and how it throbbed and twitched with each small thrust..you grabbed one of his hands holding them. You wanted to be as close to him as possible and if this was one of the only ways then so be it. You needed it, you needed him. You desired everything about him, his big hands, his strong physique, handsome face, his cocky attitude, but also his sweet side.. was he hiding this side from you?

"T-Toji..ut'it innn..." you asked him sweetly, wanting his dick to fuck and stretch you out, if his fingers and tongue felt good then surely his dick had to be like heaven. "You sure about that, Baby? Don't wanna risk hurtin' ya." He said looking at you being a bit cautious, you nodded once more but he spoke up, "use your words..I need to know if you're actually sure." You whined as you then spoke up, "yes, I'm sure. I promise..” you said with a soft smile, you felt some warm substance leak onto my tummy..Toji came. He fucking came on you. "Oops. Sorry darlin. Your face is just so fuckin’ cute when you look at m’like that.” with a slight chuckle. He moved his tip at the entrance of your cunt. His dick slowly sank into your cunt, your walls quickly grasping onto it, his dick was barely in and you're already this needy? Jesus Christ.

He leaned down as he kissed your neck, tracing up to your jaw then back down to your neck going to your chest. He held your legs on his shoulders allowing himself to sink in all the way in those tight walls of yours..he was leaving hickeys and bite marks all over your neck and chest. You were going insane, you moaned and whined from how big his cock was..you were a virgin and his dick was huge. Not your fault your little cunt couldn't take it..so cute. He slowly thrusted into your cunt but going hard at the same time, it was driving you crazy.you moaned like a whore in church as you felt Toji's cock sink deeper into you thrusting in and out.. He then found your 'sweet spot' once again. He knew from the way your back arched and the yelp you let out, you quickly placed your hands on the nape of his neck scratching and gripping onto him for something to grab onto. "Oh? Is this it?" He asked teasingly just resting his cock there not even moving. What a tease. Such a meanie!! You whined and spoke out "nno..don't stop..why'd'ya stop?..please...daddy I need it." You said looking at him with sweet innocent eyes, you were desperate and needy and just wanted your daddy's cock- oops. I mean you boss's cock. All for the money, right?:)

"F-fuck! Yes! Ah! Toji oh my god!" "Don't stop. please.please..PLEASE don't stop oh MY GOD~! Ah..ah~!.AH! HNGH! KNGAH! AAH!" The shit you were saying to him drove him mad, he continued to pound into you like there was no fucking tomorrow. He didn't stop, he didn't slow down, he only went harder and deeper into your cunt as he reached your womb. You felt your body going limp but no matter, he hel as he fucked the shit out of him. "Gon' take it like a good boy, yeah? Yeah you are.” are." A bulge appeared in your stomach a bulge from his ridiculously big dick. He placed his hand over it pressing down on it so you could feel it more, the way he was so deep in you..it almost felt like a dream until you felt him cum inside you. "Hngh..ha. Ffuuckk." He groaned out, he filled your womb to the brim with his hot warm cum painting those pink gummy walls of yours white. He pumped his dick in you a few more times before pulling out and watching the cum seep out your cunt. You slowly closed your eyes panting heavily, you were so worn out and couldn't go anymore. He praised you for taking it so well and for being such a good boy for daddy, "you're such a good boy sweetheart..ya'know that? You took my dick so so well. Starting tomorrow you'll be my secretary, be sure to be in my office tomorrow morning. And it's okay if you can't walk..I'll let you cock warm me as you sit on my lap while I do my work." Toji said kissing your forehead, you passed out. Oh boy.. the day you were going to have tomorrow is going to be just as crazy like today.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

[justananxiousweirdo]

can i request joost with a total bastard reader? always rude, sarcastic, laughs at him, but really they js love him deep down because they don't really know how to love?? sorry it's kinda specific.. totally not projecting from myself.. 😳.. THANK YOU THO!! 💖

I love specific and sorry this took me so long to get to.

Joost x Reader

Joost and I had been a little more than friends for a while now. I loved him so much and it hurt not actually being his girlfriend. I loved him so much and I never knew how to properly express that. Instead of normal compliments I always gave him backhanded ones, and I’d always make all types of sarcastic and/or rude comments towards him. I made so many mean jokes at Joost’s expense. I never meant to be so mean but it was like second nature. Like some external force was forcing me to be mean to Joost. Even though I loved him so much I’d always laugh at him.

We met up for a little dinner date and once I got to the restaurant Joost was already sitting at the table. I approached him and he stood to hug me.

“You smell a lot better than you look.”

“…thanks.”

Dinner was full of more comments like that and when Joost spilled some of his beer onto his lap I laughed offensively hard calling him a dumb klutz. I noticed the way Joost got quiet for a short period before nervously speaking up.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course dummy.”

“Why are you always so mean to me? I mean, I thought you liked me but…?”

Oh god. I felt awful. “Of course I like you.”

“You don’t act like it.”

“I’m sorry, Joost. I just don’t know how else to show affection. It’s like a weird love language.”

“… you love me?”

“What?”

“You said it’s a love language.”

“I mean, yeah?”

“So do you love me.”

“How could I not?”

“I love you too.”

Joost stood leaning over the table to give me a passionate kiss. He threw some money on the table, probably enough to pay for our dinners twice.

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

“Of course, you idiot.”

Joost just smiled down at me pressing a soft kiss to my cheek.

I hope I did your request justice. I don’t know why I struggled so much with this one. But love ya, hope this suffices.

[ratgrinders]

anyways ivy embra post because on god if she wont get the scenes in canon ill imagine it myself

Ivy and Oisin were friends in middle school. Oisin was still scrawny and hadn't had his growth spurt yet and Ivy hadn't yet gotten her braces taken off. They meet each other in some group project or club or whatever, the setting doesn't matter, but what happens is you have these two children with the inherent shittiness of middle schoolers who maybe haven't had the easiest time making friends because their passive aggressiveness is too aggressive, their barbs not hidden. And they act the same way with this new, kind of nerdy looking stranger they meet and find a kindred spirit. All of a sudden you're 12/13 years old with an outlet for all the shittalking about your classmates you want. You stick together like glue, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you two because they all fuckin suck anyway, and you finally found someone who isn't a wuss and can give as good as they take.

Oisin gets better at hiding it though, being raised by a long family line of evil dragons who have had to hide their connections in plain sight will do that to you. Ivy never lost that edge around her though.

The first day of classes Freshman Year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, Oisin's met with this group of randos, they seem competent enough, the tall sad one seems nice enough if a bit of a pushover and the small one with the ponytail seems to have her entire academic career planned out already. She's intent on the name the High Five Heroes, it's a pun, get it? Because there's five of them. But Oisin won't go anywhere without his best friend. He pulls Ivy over, and Ivy isn't having the best luck finding a party (she insults them saying why would she want to join a party with any of these losers anyway, when they're put off by one pointed comment too many). Oisin tells the others they could do well with a fighter, that they're sticking together. The tall one, the gnome, and the kobold don't seem to mind (or don't care), but the halfling seems to have swallowed a lemon. "Well, there's six of us now which throws off the entire point of the name, but that's fine! I don't care!" (she's stubborn and doesn't want to change it).

Ivy and Kipperlilly clash CONSTANTLY. Kipperlilly's specific brand of Type A nerdiness and uptightness clashes horrifically with Ivy's specific attitude of not giving a fuck and chronic need to get under people's skin. And yet, Kipperlilly's barely concealed rage and passive aggression leads that same realization Ivy had back in middle school, of having finally found a kindred spirit. If there's two things Kipperlilly and Ivy have in common, it's their initial impression driving most people away, and their need to externalize this jealousy and bad feelings as hatred and disdain for others. They LOVE gossiping. Ivy's always down to be a hater.

Corsica Jones, the fighter teacher, sees Ivy come in on the first day of classes, bow in hand, and is immediately reminded of the sister she lost, who is still missing. Every time she trains Ivy on her stance, on basic hand-to-hand, she's reminded of the times she taught her sister the very same things. She's worried, because Ivy always seems so closed off and not very engaged, so full of rage. Unfortunately Corsica's attempts to reach out and forge a connection are stopped in their infancy when instead the barbarian teacher takes an interest in her. "Well, at least she has support from someone on the faculty, even if it isn't me."

It's Oisin that kills her. They always go off as a pair anyway, and Oisin may have been acting off recently but who is she to judge a bit of anger. But a quick stab to the back, one Choice later, and all Ivy can think about is rage.

After the Mountains of Chaos, Ivy's disdain becomes Venomous. Suddenly its not fun gossip but outright Hatred, its saying words maximized for cruelty directly to the person's face, because there's a kind of sick vindication in hurting the people who rejected you for so long, even if they may not deserve it. She and Kipperlilly don't get along anymore, snide comments and petty jabs devolving into screaming matches and insults. She proposes the name Rat Grinders with Oisin, because her stubbornness at refusing to change the name isn't endearing anymore, and there are six of them, did you oppose me joining the party that badly? It's a bit funny to see her so worked up over a stupid party name, that kind of earnest childish straightforwardness of the High Five Heroes makes her gag. The Rat Grinders is a funny inside joke, and Ivy is not comfortable engaging anymore without that layer of irony. For some reason, it doesn't feel good in the same way to hurt Kipperlilly like this, it just leave a knot of frustration that rankles in her stomach, because why does she care so much??

When Lucy dies, she doesn't remember much. She remembers the realization at the choice she'd made, and the rage that followed. Afterwards, though, was a deep all consuming bitterness. Of course she wasn't coming back, little miss goody two shoes never had any intentions of following through and left the rest of us with the fallout. She never expected otherwise, and she refuses to mourn someone who did not give enough of a shit about them to come back. She doesn't think about how Lucy helped her bleach her hair, how she braided Lucy's in return. How Lucy's birthday was coming up and she bought her new clothes, how that bag will stay unopened in her room now.

When she dies on the floor of her high school gymnasium, desperately defending every callous insult she's made with her dying breath, her last moments are spent locking eyes with her best friend, who is looking on in horror. She thinks back to a similar scenario, last year, when that same friend saw her dying and did nothing. She thinks back to them in seventh grade, trading childish insults without any real weight. And then she doesn't think anything at all.

[resident-idiot-simp]

Honda Odyssey rant aftermath

Thinking about the Honda Odyssey rant again as per usual. I have talked before about the consequences of it and I want to talk more about it.

Logan was having a good day all things considered except for the fact Wade had been off all day. Logan had done his best to figure out what was wrong but some days Wade was just...well slightly off.

Althea had told him the first time it happened when he was living there that it happens every once in awhile. Logan could understand he too had those days. It was a toss up what the issue was today however. Sometimes he knew or was told or could possibly even figure it out. Today he wasn't as lucky.

Wade had been distressingly silent today and it was putting Logan on edge. He had done his best to prompt conversation and It had failed. Althea had tried to give him a understanding look and it kinda helped. He had become so accustomed to the incessant background chatter that the silence made him extremely uneasy.

Logan wishes Wade would talk he wanted it so badly and he did eventually get the courage to ask, "Wade you know I like hearing you talk right?" It was damn near the equivalent of opening his rib cage and tearing out his heart and offering it on a silver platter to Wade.

Wade had just tensed at the insinuation. No innuendo, no sarcastic quip, no nothing. Logan had to fight off the urged to make a wounded noise because fuck that hurt more than he thought it was going to.

Wade took a deep breath and Logan felt hope bloom inside him.

"I thought you hated my chatter."

Logan blinked taken aback sure he always jokingly told Wade to shut up but he never meant that Wade knew he never meant that. So what the hell is this about.

"you know I don't." Logan responded measuredly, unsure of what was going on.

"Do I?" Wade shot back and that only pissed Logan off.

Logan knew damn good and well Wade knew he was joking. He growled at the insinuation.

"YES YOU DO BECAUSE WE ALL LAUGH YOU KNOW I DON'T MEAN IT SERIOUSLY BECAUSE IF I DID I COULD MAKE YOU SHUT UP!"

Wade matched his volume as he shot back, "DO I ALWAYS LAUGH OR DO I JUST AVOID EYE CONTACT AND BREATH DEEPLY?!"

Logan could think of a few occasions of that...yes, but it was always a joke...well ok almost always a joke, but he just couldn't handle the chatter sometimes. But that wasn't the point no the point was-

Wade locked eyes with him and Logan felt his heart drop at the cold look that meet him. Wade who he had gotten so accustomed to looking at so warmly. Warmer than anyone else had ever looked at him without a doubt.

"I thought I was a joke? I thought that was why no one wanted me. I remember vividly you telling me I was a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. That you had never met a sadder, more attention-starved jabbering little prick in your entire life. That Cassandra was right I could never save the world. That I couldn't even managed to save a relationship with a stripper. That you wished I would die alone, but it was one of god's best jokes that I can't die, except that's on everyone else."

Logan frozen Althea froze even the damn dog froze.

"...Wade you know I didn't mean that." Logan said softly. It was a lie... He had ment it he had meant every word at the time. He had been pissed, sober, and mad at the world. It didn't stand however of course it didn't Wade was one of the best people he had ever met.

"Don't lie to me."

"Wade you know that was directed at myself." Logan tried because it had been. He had been projecting but also he knew full well that it would wiggle into all the cracks he saw in Wade and fester. He had been able to spot the same issues he had and use them because he knew violence best.

"Maybe, but don't act like I'm stupid. I know full well that was directed at me as much as it was directed at you. You meant every word."

Logan didn't know how to fix this God help him he didn't. Althea was dead silent and it just made it worse.

"You know." Wade started conversationally and Logan just knew this was going to hurt.

"The talking is just a part of me It's my personality. I can't turn it off trust me I've tried others have tried too. But no matter who beat me or how much I tried to kill myself it never works."

Logan felt his heart drop once more and he couldn't breathe.

"I however can't. And you know it gets to a point where it starts really hurting I mean you would assume you would get used to it right? That you would get used to the comments and the complaints and the whispers, but it's just not possible."

Wade took a shaky breath eyes tearing up.

"And I've had a lot of time to think about it and I've come to the conclusion on why it hurts so much. It's because it's intrinsically me. The talking it's just what makes me...me. So when people keep telling me to shut up It's not just the talking they hate it's me they hate."

Logan feels as his world tilts slightly left as pieces click into place and past experiences come to the forefront.

"Why is it so bad that I'm being myself? Why do people hate it?" Tears slip from his eyes and Logan hates himself with a sudden fervent passion.

"Wade fuck I could never hate any part of you it's not possible. I'm sorry I said those things I really fucking am I wish I could take them back. I was pissed and detoxing in that damn car and was lashing out." Logan croaked.

Wade just blinked letting more tears fall and Logan wanted to prove himself like a damn dog because he never wanted this. He had never wanted to hurt anyone especially not the man he had come to love.

"...I know what you mean Wade I do. The amount of times people have just labeled me as a weapon like that was my only designation. Like I wasn't human wasn't worth even the dignity of being half referred to as one. At the mansion they would call me that sometimes and fuck it hurt."

Logan took a shaky breath.

"They didn't mean it to demean me but that's what it felt like every time. Even if it was a joke it very rarely hit like it was meant. It just brought back flashes of..... before....of the mindless killing the programming....of everything."

Another breath

"I hadn't even considered it and that's on me. Out of everyone I should have realized."

Logan met Wade's eyes once more and saw understanding.

~

Anytime after this when anyone would ever make a pass in comment about Wade's inability to shut up. Logan was there calling them out telling them to mind their business that they had no right to say that.

And every time Wade looked just that little bit happier.

I have realized this qualifies as a drabble and will be posting this tomorrow on ao3

[libraryofloveletters]

Bound By Fate

Jenson Button x Fem!Teammate Reader

series summery: the strings of life connect two people; teammates, friends, perhaps lovers. Even when you think you’ve gotten rid of him, the strings of life pull you back in. some things are just meant to be. 

author's note: this was prompted by god knows what but this is my new passion project. jenson girlies, this one is for you. shoutout to @mev33 for losing her mind over this with me <333

bound by fate taglist!

chapter one: united front

attached at the hip, jenson button and y/n l/n are the unstoppable duo. the same soul in two bodies. all but 4 points separating them. // “where you go, I go. What you see, I see. I know I’d never be me without the security of your loving arms, keeping me from harm. Put your hand in my hand and we’ll stand.” - Skyfall by Adele

chapter two: time cast a spell on you

spending nine months with someone is a long time, especially when you’re forced to be with them. feelings grow, both good and bad.  - “Time cast a spell on you but you won’t forget me. I know I could have I loved you but you would not let me. I’ll follow you down ‘till the sound of my voice can haunt you. Oh give it just a chance. You’ll never get away from the sound of a woman that loves you.” - Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac  

chapter three: the blame is on you

two mclarens spin out, drivers at each other’s throat but only one’s to blame. what’s said on track doesn’t always stay there. - “It’s my own design, it’s my own remorse. Help me to decide, help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure, nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to rule the world.” - Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tear For Fear 

chapter four: no grace

jenson can’t take it anymore; the back stabbing, the betrayal. he did what he thought was best and left. on what was supposed to be the happiest night of y/n’s life, she’s heartbroken and upset. — “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace, so the battleships will sink beneath the waves. You had to kill me, but it kills you just the same. Cursing my name, wishing I stayed. You turned into your worst fears and you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain. Crossing out the good years and you’re cursing my name, wishing I stayed.” -  My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift 

chapter five: the final tango

y/n and jenson find themselves front and centre, smiling for the cameras in their sunday bests, yet their hearts are in different places. - “it hurts to be something, it’s worse to be nothing with you. I’ve done the math, there’s no solution. We’ll never last. Why can’t I let go of this?” -  Promise by Laufey 

chapter six: secrets of us

when all is said and done, it’s never really over, is it? jenson spills far too much in a tell-all interview that back fires on both he and y/n. - “And you don’t seem to understand, a shame you seemed an honest man. And the fears you hold so dear will turn to whisper in your ear. And you know what they say might hurt you and you know that it means so much, and you don’t even feel a thing.” -  Duvet by Bôa

chapter seven: a chapter of me

four long years have passed, both y/n and jenson are in different places of life but they find themselves at Silverstone, together once again. jenson’s a commentator and y/n’s still a racer. seems the dust has settled. - “Just wanna let this story die, and i’ll be alright. We can’t be friends, but I’d like to just pretend. You cling to your papers and pens, wait until you like me again.” -  We Can’t Be Friends by Ariana Grande 

chapter eight: a glimpse into the past

people come and go, life moves on; that has always been your view. you can’t move on when your past comes back to haunt you. -  “So I ask myself, do I let you go or do I keep you in the frame of my mind? Now I’m growing wise to your sugar coated lies, nothing’s sweet about my misery. Yeah, I finally found what went wrong, i finally found the wrong in you.” - On My Mind by Jorja Smith

chapter nine: twelve steps forward, one step back

the final race of your life, mixed emotions truly. your career was one out of a movie, you’re waiting for the final shoe to drop and when it does, it hits you hard. - “Isn’t it strange? I am still me, you are still you, in the same place. Isn’t it strange how people can change from strangers to friends, friends into lovers, and strangers again?” - Strange by Celeste

epilogue - chapter ten: the last bow

life post retirement is a funny thing, you thought you’d be having fun but you’re bored out of your mind. a solo trip results in seeing a ghost from your past.  -  “I'm sure we're taller in other dimension, you say we’re small and not worth a mention. You’re tired of movin’, your body’s achin’. We could vacay, there’s places to go. Clearly this isn’t all that there is, can’t take what’s been given. But we’re so okay here, we’re doing fine.” - White Ferrari by Frank Ocean 

[glisten-inthedark]

I don't know if I'm more chill about Byler endgame because I have the intel that people didn't have during volume 2 or what, but to any other ending that doesn't involve Byler becoming canon would just make the Duffer brothers the worst writers in the history of ever.

Because what do you mean you have a gay character that doesn't believe he'll get a happy ending only to prove that you know, he's right? How would that make any sense?!

I've said it before and I'll say how many times I have to: They could've made Will in love with literally anyone else. I don't know, some boy from Lenora, some other guy from Hawkings, hell, even Dustin was an option. But noooo, they instead chose to make him in love with his best friend.

They could've presented another male character with Argyle, instead they spent God knows how much money of their budget getting every Byler scene just right. Who would give this much dedication to a sinking ship? Like, they literally talked about how they had to wait during the day just so the lightning was just right during the van scene.

And also, the lighting during the cabin scene as well? Because that must have taken them ages to get it right. For the line to poor down only on Will, and that's not an artificial light, is literally the sun. So you're telling the Duffers were going to waste precious time getting these scenes just right but you know what? They don't mean anything at all, forget about it.

And to further drive the point home, the storyline makes no actual sense from a logical standpoint. Remove Byler. Let's all pretend we don't ship for one second.

Why in the world would they make Will in love with Mike of all people? He could've been gay without having to be that in love with someone. I know I'm repeating myself but I have to because I don't think you guys understand how senseless this plot is if they're not going to do anything about it.

And I mean senseless in the sense that it literally has no use to the plot (that we know of which is why I made that post about how Will's love will be fundamental to the story).

And not only that, not having Mike go with El to the Nina project thingy literally stalled their progression which is a huge deal. I know some people don't like that Byler was removed from the supernatural plot, but I for one think it was a necessary evil to allow Will to explore his feelings and for Mike to miss him.

And to honest, even if the writers are the most douchebags to ever douchebag, it still wouldn't explain the amount of care they took in every Byler scene. It wouldn't explain how whenever we are in Mike's POV, is like he literally sees Will like this shinning beacon of light.

Because if they wanted a quick cash grab on the expense of the queer community, I can assure you there are easier ways of doing it. I remember when I was at the Sterek fandom and J*ff Davis was an ass about the ship during interviews. I remember how Tyl*r P*sey made terrible comments all the while they were clearly using the shippers in the series. And yeah, while I do agree Teen Wolf wasn't necessarily queerbait because there were actual queer couples, it still left a bitter taste on my mouth.

The way they built this, they didn't give themselves an easy way out. It would be one thing if Will was gay but not in love with Mike, it's a completely different thing for him to love Mike so deeply that he's willing to sacrifice his own happiness for him.

The writers made him to me irrevocably in love with Mike. (You don't make her (him) feel like a mistake at all), El (Will) needs you and she (him) always Will. These aren't the words of someone that has a crush or whose feelings are fleeting, these are the words of someone who would rip his heart out just so that the man he loves can be happy.

These aren't the words of someone that can be just be: yeah, I moving on from this. Mike is Will's heart.

So sure, Will needs to discover self acceptance and self love. He needs to recognize that he can be happy and deserves to have happiness, but if that was the entire point all along, he literally could have figured that without having to be in love with his best friend whom he believes will never love him back.

If the sole point of his arc was: Needs to learn how to accept himself for who he is, there are other - less cruel - ways of going about.

Because at the end of the day, making Will to be this deeply in love with Mike only to be rejected is just that: pointless and cruel.

And again. Pointless.

The GA already believes that to be the case, the Mil*evns too, Will also believes that. So why would it be a conflict at all if it was actually the case?

Why would they make a slowburn reaction? Will already thinks he was rejected, that's the thing. He already thinks it's hopeless.

So why would they use the painting? Why would they frame everything as a love triangle? Why not get this shit over already?

Why pair them together with the already canon couples?

At this point I'm just rambling and repeating myself. I'm gonna sleep, but I hope I was coherent enough.

You guys are welcomed to chime in, I love to hear your thoughts on that because I feel like I wrote all of this before but I'll say however many times I have to.

[grahstumhurts]

The stars aligned for us

Synopsis- Y/n had always had a crush on Sophia. this being Y/n's senior year, she had to make it count. Sophia, a untouchable goddess, in Y/ns eyes. Will it happen?

A/N - YES I KNOW ITS A CHEESY TITLE AND FIC, ITS MY FIRST TIME WRITING FOR TUMBLR OKAY. SUE ME IF I WANTED SOME CHEESY ROMANTIC SOPHIA CONTENT. This was not proof read so yeah

 Lara always complains about how I stare at her in the halls when she passes by with her flock. “Dude, its honestly sad how much time you spend a day staring at her and or thinking about her, when in all brutal truth, she probably doesn't give you a single thought.” Lara sighs, rubbing her forehead in frustration as she watches me get out my books for my AP biology class. “Its not that bad, okay. Trust me i've been worse.” I try defending myself, “Listen, Y/N At this point you might as well confess since it's almost the end of the year. Whats the worst that could happen? You get embarrassed, yes, But you won't ever see her again until the highschool reunion.” Lara tries to convince me for the Nth time this year. Senior year was supposed to be the year where I let loose. By the time senior spring had come and college applications were through, there had been one thing I had yet to do. I’ve known her for years. I mean everyone knows her at our school. She's everyone's dream girl, Untouchable you could say. Sophia Laforteza. I sigh, almost giving in this time, “No, I won't do it. Like i've said multiple times, she's an untouchable painting that, Good lord, I want to touch so bad” I close my locker, leaning against it, facing towards Lara. She gives me an unimpressed look. “You have AP Bio with her next right? So why not ask her to study sometime? I mean you are basically failing that class,girl.” I pause, I consider it, My brain algorithm approves. The bell rings for the next period. “why are you actually kinda smart, Lara.” I walk past her “Hey, woah what do you mean kinda, I legit just gave you the best idea ever” she yells at my passing figure as i jog off to mr bennetts classroom. “For the sake of my mental health I pray to Beyonce that this works.” Lara mumbles under her breath as she walks off to her class. 

Now you would think that the universe would be on my side. And you would be right. The stars have aligned as Lara would say, God forbid that girl ever not talk about stars and astrology the moment the conversation dies down. “Alright class, today i'm announcing your semester-long project for this class. This project will be starting today and will be ending by the end of the semester, so right around April we will present. Now this is a partner project” The class groans in disbelief, “Settle down. Now, I will be picking the partners-” The class erupts in boisterous anger at Mr bennett. “Calm down, Jesus, I'm retiring after this year. This project is going to be about whatever you want it to be. as long as it relates to biology.” He opens his laptop. “Now the partners will be…” he pauses reading the screen “Chloe and Marquise, Nickolas and Wendy, Y/N and Sophia” I note down these partnerships in my head just for reference, Wait. Are you fucking kidding me, its me and sophia? Now in hindsight you would think that maybe this is a class prank on me. I swear to fucking god i was about ready to explode, yean no not that kind of explode, the one where im the most anxious person on the god damn planet that we call fucking earth. Out of the 24 students in this class, other than me, there is a one in fucking 24 chance that i would be placed with her. Which i find is fucking ridiculous. “And thats it for partners, now if you could start planning your projects that would be great” Everyone shuffles around the room, trying to find their partner. I scramble to pick up my things when I drop my pencil case. I notice a manicured hand pick it up, i connect the hand to the arm, the arm to the body. Like the gorgeous goddess she is, she hands me my pencil case, Stupid fucking fish pencil case. “I like your pencil case, its pretty creative and unique” She comments, placing the fish on the table “thanks, my grandma got it for me so i've just been using it ever since.” I laugh uncomfortably. “What do you wanna do the project on?” I meekly ask her, I avoid all eye contact possible. She ponders for a moment, “I've always been kinda interested in how the weather contributes to moods, would that be something your okay with doing?”  “imokaywithdoingwhateveryouwant” I spit out, at possibly the pace of a marathon runner. She laughs to herself at my reaction “you're cute.” She mumbles. “Are you free this week to start the project or…” She drags off the end of the word to insinuate for me to answer, “i'm good for this week, maybe tomorrow? After school” “We can go over to your house? My siblings can be quite loud so i dont think that’ll be the best “study spot”” She physically puts those two words in quotations. Which wakes me up to the reality that i will be spending the rest of the semester with her, creating a project. “Sure, Im down.” I say a little too excited, I clear my throat. “Cool, cant wait” she says casually as she walks off to her desk to pack up. 

The first week went surprisingly well. I actually kept my cool and had a normal conversation with her. As the weeks grow, my feelings never really cut off for her. Instead, like a tumour, it grows. And so does my guilt. The project builds up a good amount of research, by the time its almost the end of the semester, March to be exact. The guilt, it flourishes inside me like a mouldy banana in the bottom of your bag. For all I know she could be straight. 

I hear the doorbell ring, I know its her. My mom answers the door, as per usual. lets her in, then she comes up the stairs and up to my room where the door is already open for her to come in. “Hey” she greets me “almost the end huh? I bought some snacks on the way here, I remember last week you mentioned sour skittles to me so I figured I could try them with you.” “you remembered?” “Yeah, why wouldn't i? We are friends right? I mean with all the time we have spent on this project, i assumed we are friends” she looks confused, almost hurt? “Are we not friends” “we are, yeah” I flusteredly responded, panicking at the seemingly wounded look. She cracks a smile “i'm just messing with you,” she knocks my shoulder against hers as she sits down on my bed. “I think there's a storm coming soon actually” she says opening the shopping bag with the seemingly endless amount of snacks in it. “Kinda ironic don't you think?” I say to her, We get to work for the next couple of hours, sprinkling in some goofy moments between the two of us. She ends up having to stay over, The storm inhibiting her ability to go home. I look out the window, the rain looks as if it will never end. “You ever danced in the rain?” She sits next to me, resting her head on my shoulder, observing the perspiration. “I did it once with an ex boyfriend of mine,” she adds to her previous comment. For some reason that last bit stung a little, like a scratch from a cat. “You had a boyfriend?” I ask genuinely curious. “I ended things with him since I figured out that i liked girls” “oh, i didnt know you liked girls.” I looked at her, Her hazel eyes looking back. “Do you like girls?” she questioned me. “Yeah, always have” I answered meekly. An idea came to me when she looked back out the window, I stood up. “Lets go out into the rain” I drag her closely behind me as we walk out the front door to my house, running out into the wet sky. I laugh at her standing confused in the doorway. “Dude come on” I actively try to convince her “you were the one that started talking about dancing in the rain” I open my mouth and let the almost salty droplets hit my tongue. “Eugh, dude, dont you know how disgusting rain water is” She runs out into the rain, fully embracing the uncomfortable wetness covering her body. I curtsy to her “Mi’ Lady would you care for a dance?” I say in a faux british accent. She giggles “Of course Mi’ Lady, a dance would be appreciated.” I bring her in, her waist in one hand and her own hand in the other. “Is this okay?” I yell over the sound of the water droplets hitting the ground. She nods, resting her head on my shoulder as we sway in the middle of the driveway. She looks up at me, searching my face for something. Looking down at my lips, then my eyes, then back at my lips again. “What?” I asked her “do i have something on my face?” She cups my cheeks, her warm thumb stroking my cheekbones. Before I can say another thing, she leans in, and kisses me. The Ivy that is guilt covering my heart slowly withers away, her hands leave my cheeks and caress the hair on the back of my neck. I pull her in closer, wrapping my arms around her body. A lightning crack makes us pull apart. “You seriously dont know how long ive been dreaming of this happening” I tuck my face into her soaking collar, she kisses my forehead. “How long?” she giggles, “1st grade, When i first moved here. And it trailed all the way here.” “damn i wasn't expecting that.” I blush. “Do you wanna be my girlfriend?” I call out over the rain. “Of course dumbass” She leans back in, coating my whole body in a warm honey feeling, The stars aligned for us to be.

[dr-spectre]

WE DID IT!!!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!!! This is such a big milestone. Halfway until 1000 followers... that's absolutely insane!!

This will be the last follower update until we reach 1000. But, I wanna share something special with you all and get rather personal...

So, about a year ago, I wanted to learn how to draw because I was feeling depressed about "not being productive enough." Basically I got sucked into the bullshit productivity self help stuff that wants to turn your life into a cold calculated work obsessed nightmare, rather than living in the moment due to fear mongering about the future and how "if you don't grind now you WILL be a failure and die alone and get no pussy." (No wonder I picked Team Present for the Grand Fest...)

Plus I dropped out of uni at the time and welp, to put it lightly, I was feeling fucking god awful and I was scared into basically "putting in the hard work" by all these self help channels and other bullshit online. Whatever the FUCK that vague shit means, my autistic brain still doesn't get it.

It was BY FAR the worst period of my life, but, at least I tried to do SOMETHING. And I wanna show you all some of the things that I drew last year....

This was between October 2023 to February 2024. I stopped drawing due to it causing me much frustration and anger.

So yeah! Uh... enjoy?

So.... not the best work you've seen, right? HAHAHAHAHA!

Would you freak out if I told you that I got upset and damaged a book and a fan because I got so mad at myself over not being able to draw or do anything right?...

I feel like this ain't for me, and you know what? That's okay! I've learnt that it's okay to try new things, it's okay to experiment and if shit doesn't work then it doesn't work. Plain and simple. It's perfectly fine to give up and try something else.

You are not a robot, you are a human being. Don't feel like you "gotta do something everyday otherwise you'll die alone and you'll be broke and you'll never be successful and you'll be forgotten!!"

Do feel pressured to feel like you have to "find your thing" or "be productive" or whatever kind of... heh.... BRAINWASHING you hear online.

I wanted to draw because I was jealous of others, including my friends who are skilled artists... and I did it for the wrong reasons which is why I stopped in February.

I am very happy that I've decided to actually focus on what i like doing and what gives me energy. A quote that has stuck with me for years now is a quote by Jordan Peele from an interview, and it's basically this-

"Follow the fun." And you know what? He's right. Following what gives you that good good boost of dopamine while also feeling like you're accomplishing something is one of the best feelings EVER!!!! Whether it's art, writing, modelling, sculpting, architecture, making music, acting, clay sculptures, etc. FOLLOW THE FUN!! FOLLOW THE SHIT THAT EXCITES YOU!!! I literally always have multiple projects spiralling around in my head all the time and cycling between them at every given moment.

I'm not even saying do only what makes you comfortable or be lazy either, do shit that makes you go "BRING IT ON!!!! I WANNA DO THIS!!!" Get that blood pumping!!! Challenge yourself fairly!!!! There's healthy and unhealthy stress. Healthy stress should make you feel like a fucking PREDATOR!!! AN ANIMAL ON THE HUNT!!! While unhealthy stress makes you feels like you're the prey, the one who's being chased by an unknown force that's out to get you!!

I feel like I'm kinda rambling... anyways!!! ENOUGH WITH THE INSPIRATIONAL BULLSHIT!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! 99% of you have been awesome and incredible!!!

It's also been an honor to get to know so many people who feel the same way as I do about a certain squid lady and her best friends.... before I went onto tumblr I genuinely felt so alone and so insane. I felt isolated, I felt like no one saw these characters the way that I do... I thought my perspective of a certain squid lady and her rebel phase was invalided and false... But now I know that I have people who have my back and understand what I'm trying to express...

One final time, thank you. I'll keep going.

STAY FRESH!!!!!!!!!!