#god tumblr really has fucked me up
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To be honest, I'm thinking about using you as a urinal right now
To be honest, I'm thinking about being used as a urinal right now 🤭
#corruption kink#cnc k!nk#r@pe k!nk#p1ss wh0re#p1ss k1nk#god tumblr really has fucked me up#this disgusted me a few months ago#now im edging to the thought#fuuuuuuuck#its embarrassing how quick it got me to the edge#shit haha#ive got a problem
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I think it would be really funny if rin was the more helpful one around his house. Like u would think rin would be the disrespectful one who always bails on housework or mass but its actually yukio who would always have an excuse not to go or forget about chores to the point that rin just does them instinctively now
#this post lagged my phone so bad i had to save it as a draft and switch it to my computer#god is trying to stop me from spreading my 'yukio is an atheist' ideals#anyway this extends to when they live together and when they are adults to the point that rin comes over and does all the chores for yukio#cuz this created an oroboros since rin always did them as a kid now yukio doesnt have them in his brain#he tries his best tho he would neveradmit (at least in highschool) that hes kind of a boyfailure at housework#rin is a homemaker this is my truth#rin is like kinda resentful but not enough to act on it and its so deep down he doesnt even realize its there#like yeah its kinda fucked up that he would ask yukio for help setting things up for mass or doing the laundry but yukio has a busy scedule#and hes wayy smarter than rin so obviously he shouldnt waste his time on stuff like that but rin would never voice those in a negative way#rin doesnt hate helping his brother tho if yukio asked him to come over and clean his house everyday forever he would probably do it#its just the principal of yukio being a perfect angel and rin not getting any credit cuz hes doing 'thankless jobs'#and yukio kinda feels bad even tho he really did have things to do he just couldnt tell rin cuz it was exorcist work#im just writing fanfiction now#accept my okumura twin fanfiction headcanons#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#yukio okumura#rin okumura#'blue exorcist' 'ao no exorcist' yukio okumura' 'rin okumura' are my most used tags on tumblr#am i in your hearts yet blue exorcist tumbr?🥺
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*Puts hand on your lower back and gently leads you down the path* walk with me for a moment. Think about it;
Young Mihawk, Young Shanks, Laurie confessing to Jo speech from Little Women (2017). Right before Shanks pulls off the robbery and heads to the East blue. the last time Shanks asks Mihawk to join his crew the only time he really means it.
*Grabs your arm as you start to walk away* wait wait- just listen.
Shanks saying all this? Right before he knows he’s about to steal something very important from a navy ship and would probably need to lie low for years. His way of begging Mihawk to come with him? Insane fucking cut my heart out.
Shanks: Sail with me?
Mihawk: …..What?
Shanks: Sail with me.
Mihawk:….(sigh) Shanks can we not-
Shanks: no no its no use Mihawk , we gotta have it out I have loved you ever since I’ve known you Mihawk I couldn’t help it, and and I tried to show you and you wouldn’t let me and I must make you hear me now and give me an answer because I cannot go on like this any longer, I gave up rum I gave up everything you didn’t like I’m happy I did it’s fine and I waited and I never complained because I, you know I figured you’d love me Mihawk and I realised im not half good enough and im not this great man and I-
Mihawk: Shanks! No.
And Shanks would keep pushing because to a young shanks whose only ever had crew as family and who never really got over his abandonment issues; Joining the crew is saying you’ll stay and staying means you love him enough to not leave him. And Shanks can’t deal with anyone else leaving him.
But of course all this does is push Mihawk away. They leave Shanks to rob a marine ship and Mihawk to leave a trail of bodies in his wake. And the next time they see each other Shanks has lost an arm and Mihawk’s entire world came crashing down.
#Tumblr for some reason does not like when I put the video in#Mihawk if he was more emotionally literate might have responded with Jo's half of the monologue#mostly because I think Lauries interjections of I love you as jo lists all the reasons they shouldn't be together is very Shanks coded#but also because how they would argue all the time they argue now#and shanks would grow tired of all his restless energy and needless apathy and it would ruin what they have now which is good#it's good and it has to be enough#But Mihawk doesnt have the words;never has the words for all that so he leaves#throwing thoughts to the void#dracule mihawk#hawkeye mihawk#mishanks#akagami no shanks#op#one piece#shanks#red haired shanks#akataka#mihawk x shanks#little women#jo x laurie#incorrect quotes#incorrect op#red hair shanks#one piece headcanons#incorrect one piece quotes#one piece thoughts#jo and laurie#god tumblr really got me fucked up because there was more that I can't remember that tumblr for some reason deleted🙄
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Do you have any fucked up babscass headcanons? This is vaguely for the ask game but I’m curious. I’ve also had a vision of dick being drawn into their dubiously consensual mommy kink thing, probably unwillingly. I just love the idea of babs being her teacher for everything normal, like yes on some level it is grooming but cass knows everyone’s intentions automatically, could babs really make her do anything she didn’t want to do?
for the ask game!
GOD YES. i love BabsCass. just. so dearly. they're so fucked up. and adding Dick to the mix is *also* so so fun. the concepts of how consent plays into it all when Cass knows everyone's intentions and feelings (sometimes before they themselves do) but Babs still holding clear power over Cass and how vulnerable Cass is emotionally it's just. good soup i tell you.
so, i think it's fun, if in a way, Babs has always been slightly jealous of Bruce. after becoming Oracle by means out of her control, she works with other heroes sure, but she doesn't have a protege. she watched with Dick and Bruce, how close of a bond Batman and Robin is. how Bruce got to shape and mold Dick into the hero he's become and the reverence Dick has for Bruce. there's such a nuance to that relationship, and Babs wants it for herself. the first person to carry on the Batgirl torch is Helena, something she violently disapproves of. so for her to give Batgirl to Cass, that's significant. it's both a sign of acceptance, and a sign of ownership. it's basically her way of saying to Bruce "this one's mine." and thus, their relationship reflects it. because it's easy to seak out a close bond with Cass, who's never had anyone show her love and affection with no strings. Babs' love is unconditional. and Cass wants to bury herself in it. she knows it's romantic and possibly sexual, but Babs doesn't sexualize Cass the way men do. there's no leering comments or objectification. Babs is kind and respectful, so Cass doesn't mind. she even leans into it. there's something nice in being appreciate for something other than how good of a weapon she makes. and Babs' touch is just. something Cass craves. Babs wants to respect boundaries, but Cass is practically crawling into her lap after certain rough missions, just for the companionship.
i think it's fun if the mommy kink starts with Cass. sure, Babs has been carefully guiding Cass toward being comfortable with sexual things. Cass is regularly naked around Babs with no problem, she lets Babs touch her anywhere. but it's when Babs is holding Cass that Cass talks about how she doesn't know who her mother is and she wishes she knew what having a mother felt like. and sure, Cass knows that Babs isn't entirely motherly. not when her hand is resting inside of Cass' pants at that very moment. but this is the closest thing she has. i enjoy the idea of Cass knowing that this isn't normal. sure, she doesn't fully understand relationships, but she knows mother/daughter and dating are different. but it's a two birds one stone kind of thing. she's so convinced she's not going to find enough people to love her to fill all the "roles" in her life, why not combine the two. after all, Dick and Bruce are doing it. so when Cass brings it up, Babs lets Cass call her mommy. it's a soothing thing, more than a kink thing. and it delightfully plays into Babs' hand for how she wants to groom Cass, giving her more control and trust over Cass. it's easy to get Cass to side with her instead of Bruce when she just has to stroke Cass' hair and praise her whenever she does what Babs want. Cass is so used to negative reinforcement that she'll take any kind of positive reinforcement, even if she knows it's slightly manipulative. sometimes, what matters to her the most is just that someone wants to protect and take care of her in the first place.
i love the idea of Dick getting dragged in unwillingly so much. Cass has very high standards for what a mentor/partner/mother figure should look like because of how reverently Babs treats her. and Cass is known for being critical of Bruce's methods. so when Bruce is particularly cruel to Dick, or that have a nasty argument that Cass witnesses and Bruce possibly even hits Dick, that's when Dick gets dragged in. it starts with Babs inviting him to just eat dinner and chill out with Babs and Cass in the Clocktower. then he's being invited to stay the night more and more often so he doesn't have to crash at Wayne Manor when he's in Gotham. the first time he wakes up with Cass sleeping next to him, he doesn't comment on it. he knows what it's like to be so tired you just crash on the nearest bed. it's when he notices that he's being more and more separated from Bruce, that Dick starts to notice something is off. he's never commented on what's going on between Babs and Cass bc well, he's one to talk. but now he's caught between them. Cass and Babs don't even have to talk, they just wordlessly know they're on the same page about bringing Dick into the fold. for Cass, it's genuinely to protect him. she's happy with Babs, and she wants Dick to feel happy in that way too, with someone who's not as emotionally closed off as Bruce. and Cass just wants as many close relationships as she can get. and for Babs, there is genuine attraction there. she and Dick almost flirted with dating before, and nows her chance to have him and finally beat Bruce. and as unwilling as Dick is, it's hard to say no when they're being so gentle with him. he keeps telling himself he's going to set hard boundaries and tell them no, eventually. but Babs has the manipulation down pat, and Cass is so gentle and loving, Dick just gets swept in too deep. they both know he's unwillingly, but to Cass, that's just how love works. you have to be talked into it sometimes because you don't realize you deserve it.
Babs teaching Cass about sex my *beloved*. first, it's just Cass and Babs. Babs showing Cass how she can feel good, how she can make Babs feel good. but now with Dick, they have a whole new person for Babs to see to teach Cass about sex. Dick has to be talked into it by Babs, who paints it as a learning opportunity for Cass. I just. I love throuple dynamics where one person is basically being used as a toy for the dom to tell the third person to use, and that fits them so well. Dick is just a toy, a prop basically. and Babs is guiding Cass through it, teaching her how to make Dick feel good, how to ride him. I like the idea of Babs edging both of them until she feels like Cass has "learned" enough. which is clearly just part of the kink, corrupting Cass. and they all know it, but it's an unspoken thing. even more fun if Babs gives Cass some token form of control, letting Cass control when Dick can come. and to Cass, edging is a natural part of sex, so she also tortures Dick like that, bringing him to the edge and holding him there no matter how much he begs. sometimes, Dick just watches Cass and Babs have sex and learns what they like through that. he learns Babs is a sadist, but she has to be careful with it. Cass views pain strictly as a very negative punishment and the last thing Babs wants to do is lose the trust she has built up with Cass. so she avoids pain for the longest time. it's Dick who notices Babs itching to hurt someone, so to make sure it's not Cass, Dick offers himself. and Cass watches as Babs hurts Dick, and Dick *likes* it. maybe impact play, maybe some CBT, that sort of stuff, just testing the waters of how far Babs can take it with Dick. it makes Cass curious enough to try it, both sadism and masochism. she finds it takes a lot for her to enjoy masochism, but in the right applications, it's nice. there's something about letting herself feel pain, which she was never allowed before. pain is something to be compartmentalized and worked through. so there's something nice about turning her brain off and just feeling. especially if she's being hurt while she's in Babs or Dick's arms, bc she knows she's safe. both of them have become her safe space to explore new things during sex.
eventually, Dick comes to mostly accept being part of the relationship. he realizes he's in too deep when Cass casually calls him her boyfriend in front of Bruce just to make Bruce stutter. they're all adults, so it's not something Bruce can fight too hard. and Dick does have to admit, Cass has a point. there's far less arguing and fighting in this relationship. the grooming practically works better on Dick than it did Cass, bc now he's just accepted it and is going along with everything. he starts initiating sex, with either of them separately or together, just bc he likes giving up control to them. he likes the way Cass is gentle when she's domming, taking control from him without even asking and just taking care of him. and when Babs is in control, she's a little meaner, a bit rougher, but sometimes, he needs that too. sometimes he just likes to watch the two of them, see Cass call Babs mommy while she's crying and begging for anything. it's carnal and just fascinating to watch, even if he doesn't get off to it. seeing how much they love each other and how much they love him makes his head spin, because being with Bruce was nothing like this. Bruce rarely talks about his feelings, rarely said he loved Dick. meanwhile Cass and Babs will say it about a dozen times a day. maybe it's manipulative, but they make it sound so genuine, he can't bring himself to care. and Cass is pleased Dick is finally giving him, letting himself be loved. Babs is pleased to have control of both Dick and Cass. all of them are getting something out of it so really, what's there to complain about?
#necrotic festerings#ask game#dead dove do not eat#babscass#dickbabscass#dickbabs#dickcass#batcest#this throuple is ENLIGHTENED oh my god anon.#you're so right. dick getting dragged into their fucked up relationship is so good.#but god you're also so right about it definitely being grooming but also. Cass knowing Babs intentions and going with them anyway#like she'll do anything if someone will love her right.#she knows this is fucked up but Babs has such a gentle touch and kind words.#it's so good I tell you.#like I like *really* fucked up babscass#where Babs is forcing Cass to do things and Cass doesn't see any escape bc her only other option is her father#but this version is far more realistic yk?#also HOW are there only 9 fics in the BabsCass tag on ao3.#i've failed you all. I need to go add more.#I wanna write a BabsCass Omegaverse fic where alphas are seen as borderline animals.#there was a TimCass fick with that premise and it's lived rent free.#my kingdom for dehumanized alpha!Cass.#I also think brutim could fit well into this as well#like Bruce going to Tim bc dick was taken from him#and then Cass and Babs trying to steal Tim too. good soup.#this got so long.#I had to break up the text blocks bc it got so long Tumblr yelled at me. help.
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i feel like almost everything in utena has sort of already been extensively discussed in the last two (almost three) decades of utena's existence (not that there aren't new interpretations to be made, there always are) besides black rose arc (mikage+mamiya+tokiko). which is why they're so much fun to think about. i think the need to read between the lines makes it unfortunately easy to misunderstand or look past obvious stuff if you don't pay attention, but to me it's always been really obvious that mikage's arc is a literal representation of the erasure of queerness in ohtori (society?) by akio/everything he represents. and that's so fucking tragic! nemuro was never able to find a name for his desires. he lived and died as a puppet in the shadows.
#rgu#i think sadly that trigger warning list that people always passed around kind of stunted discussion bc of the assumptions it made#like. i think its okay to say that mikage/nemuro was always in love with mamiya and not tokiko#not that its impossible to interpret him as bisexual (similar to how people see utena as bisexual)#but his love for mamiya is what changed his life (same for utena/her meeting anthy)#one scene i never see people bring up is how#at one point mikage says that attaining eternity wouldn't even make 'her' happy#and then akio questions '''her'' you say?'#the only reason mikage thinks attaining eternity wouldnt even make 'her' i.e 'tokiko' happy is because he just had a conversation#with mamiya where he admitted the whole endeavor was making him unhappy#if anything it would have made tokiko happy to attain eternity and forever preserve her brother like a dead flower#which is what akio does with anthy! so fucked!#ALSO another thing#is that mikage sees utena as tokiko returned#just like how utena meets 'dios' - returned as akio#he claims he will finally beat tokiko - in this place (the dueling arena) - which is kind of foreshadowing utena fighting akio?????#anthy!mamiya says to mikage in the black rose musical:#“You can’t win against her. You will eternally lose to my sister who dwells in your memories.”#or “You will never beat my sister; who dwells in your memories.” in the nozomient translation#which makes so much sense because anthy couldn't believe utena could win against akio either#god i could literally keep going#by read between the lines i mean like how akio actively tries to lie to the audience by saying things like#'mamiya was created for you out of your lingering attachment to tokiko'#of course nemuro/mikage being gay isn't all there is to him bc like always everything in utena has 1000 layers#really love the general theme of becoming static and unchanged forever bc of our attachment to nostalgia/memories/eternity#(re: can't grow up)#tho in mikages case he is literally just a ghost summoned by akio. which the utena sega saturn vn confirms#also definitely people talk about black rose arc (i.e me right now) but i feel like the majority of the fandom kind of side steps it#on tumblr specifically at least?? im not on the fansite forums or discord#rgu meta
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I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)
Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)
LIKE!!!!!!!
Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.
#csi#gsr#i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything#need to talk more about these two here#because im obsessed about them in a Normal way#sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together#i would not though#i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far#also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what#i could talk about her forever she's everything to me#and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever#i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them#and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line#nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it#but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know#but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life#you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too#he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it#and his smirks#AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA#im losing my mind#i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ#ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic#one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone#or this persons' lifestyle#he's always trying to understand them and not judge them#like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people#and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much#like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara#they're a perfect match for me
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in the fanfic in my head where grace is trapped in a time loop and trying to figure out how to save freddie
persephone: do you miss being a mortal?
grace: nah
persephone: then you made the right decision in Hades
grace: wait, what?
#evan speaks#zukoandtheoc plays stray gods#stray gods spoilers#i cannot stress the spoilers part enough#stray gods#freddie stray gods#to be perfectly clear: saving freddie will not end the time loop. grace might think it will#but it will not. it's just a thing she really wants to do#up to now grace has kinda assumed the 'not without great sacrifice' meant a life for a life kinda thing#as i did until recently :)#but now. now she's thinking about it#honestly the fucking coincidence of me finding this out via tumblr last night and THEN seeing this line of dialogue
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the biggest thing about X6 is not that he doesn't think of himself as human (though he doesn't, and according to some it's correct) BUT that he doesn't see himself as a Person
#searching through the X6-88 tag on tumblr has not brought me joy#also. 1 thing about is that i hate hate hate the (i think) canon blue eyes he has. like. for fucking what#1st i saw them on tumblr and thought 'well thats stupid. whyd you give him blue eyes? so hed look special? thats weird. at least its uncanon#also. on god. i saw some post headcanoning the companions' appearances and it was p cool UNTIL they got to x6#and they gave him grey 'almost white' eyes for literally no reason. like if you want to go with the scary factor theres so many ways for it#but no. some people think that blue/grey eyes are sooo special. and for what#<- i have brown eyes but im not just being salty. it really sucks. i dont wanna be the one to call fandom racism but it does smell like it!#also like. i didnt want to go on a stupid tirade about racism in the tags again but the way fandom treats x6 AND preston is just upsetting#other people have made some very good points about it and im not going to repeat them here (also noones gonna read this)#but like... theres 3 'main' black characters that i remember: preston garvey (whom the stron majority of the fandom hates/disliked)#x6-88 (basically the players slave? also hated for being mean and unfeeling (which is justified imo). no quest no freedom no nothing)#and gloria (who i havent met in game but ive heard some actual criticisms of (like. the way shes treated ingame) and noone else talks about)#if theres any other Named and Important characters. sorry but i literally do not remember them#coming back to x6 being justified in being unemotional/mean. he was literally raised this way. he doesnt consider himself to be a person#being he was made that way. he is a Thing and hes meant for one job and hes made to inspire fear#and hes not supposed to have emotions so he just. doesnt. if he does he cant express them anyways#1 if fallout4 was a better written game (or 2 if x6 was white) i think thered be SO much fanfiction about him. the possibilities are endless#i have something brewing in the back of my head. i might start writing even though i suck and its going to be bad#ANYWAYS. general fandom thought on x6 are WRONG and im being a HATER. fuck everyone who doesn't like x6. if you dont like x6 get off tumblr#especially if you like gage but not x6. leave fr#i just woke up wtf am i doingggg
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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
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First time I've started shipping two characters, not because of their chemistry or narative paralels or smt but mostly bc it would be fucking hilarious
#ive started reading#omniscient reader's viewpoint#and honestly i was kinda dissapointed it wasnt bl and i was very confused at first#bc i only knew of it because i saw comparisons to svsss#but they are waaaay different genres#luckily my friend has read orv so she cleared it up for me pretty quickly#orv is way more similar to solo leveling which also isnt bad just not what i expected at first#anyway its really good but also#the misunderstandings and jokes putting Dokja and yoo joonghyuk together are hilarious#and it would be so fucking funny if it turned out to be true#dont think its gonna happen but still#me#god i havnt been on tumblr desktop version in forever this feels super weird
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finally reading/listening to september 13th's dracula daily/re:dracula entry (I struggle with reading long chunks of text due to ✨dyslexia✨and attention span issues so I listen to re: dracula as I read along) and OH MY FUCKING GOD I HAD TO PAUSE IT
"Oh I rEmOvEd ThEsEs FlOwErS fRoM hEr NeCk AnD oPeNeD a WiNdOw" BESTIE YOU FUCKING WHAT!!??!?!
I-
LOOK I KNOW SHE MEANS WELL BUT LIKE DON'T FUCK WITH THAT SHIT!?!!?!??!?!?!
#never in my life has a book made me yell YOU DID WHAT and OH MY FUCKING GOD YOU'RE STUPID out loud#dracula daily#re: dracula#dracula spoilers#throwing up my thoughts onto tumblr again#side note: shout out to whoever is the voice actor for lucy's mom cuz if it weren't for her I'd be a lot more annoyed#she makes me feel bad for her like oh you really do mean well I can't get TOO pissed :/#if it weren't for her I'd be resorting to violence rn#ok time to push on weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Man..
#sorry i'm still upset about bridal sharena. like YEAH she's an incredibly powerful incredibly useful unit#pair her up w winter edelgard and the girlies are cleaning up tt maps extremely efficiently#and YEAH. she absolutely has nice art and huge win for the power of friendship. w veronica.#but man. it's like. i can't even enjoy my time w her.#due to. extremely specific things about me that are entirely a me issue and i can acknowledge that and own that.#it would probably feel less bad if like. sharena got literally anything else. in between now and her bunny alt.#like YEAH... she is the other half of the alfonse duo. which is the cutest shit and i love them so much#idk i know it's a non-problem. it feels dumb to make it a problem.#but genuinely like. i don't like using her w the animations on i don't really like checking the home screen dialogue#it's INTERESTING. for lore/characterization purposes. it's funny and charming bc ofc it is!!!#it's sharena and veronica ofc they're gonna be funny and charming!!!!!!! they are SO endearing to me#but god. i really do just. have problems. and it feels soooooo upsetting that like#my very specific problems are preventing me from enjoying WHAT SHOULD BE. something i should really like!!!!!!!#like there are NO problems w her!!!!!!!!!!!! the problem is ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm gonna thrup#why didn't intsys consult me about this. the unemployable shut-in who runs a semi-obscure tumblr blog. in america#unbelievable..#like would i sound insane if i said marriage is like a trigger for me. like completely seriously and unironically.#like. again. it is such a non-issue. and all of it is on me to choose what i engage w that IS how managing your triggers works.#please please pleeeease don't misconstrue anything i'm saying i'm being vulnerable. rn. and petty. super fucking petty.#and obviously i can just. not use her. or use her minimally. but that's really not my point here i'm not looking for solutions#i'm just. expressing how uniquely upsetting this situation is. w how intense my askr sib interest is#w the fact that sharena IS. absolutely one of my fave charas. i adore her completely and she means so much to me#this feels like. a saw trap. made just for me.#idk again there is no solution here and i fully acknowledge this is a skill issue and realistically not even a problem.#but like. can anybody hear me. it's so dark in here.
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PREVIEWING: the one where i write fanfiction about a man with a wife and kid
(working title.)
“Ow,” Martyn says, monotone. “Ouch. Ough. Ack.”
Scott reaches up and hits him on the face. “Would you quit it with the dramatics?”
Two thirteen year old boys sit up in a treehouse much too high up to be safe. Rain patters gently on the roof, and water seeps in through the cracks of the old, splintered wood, hitting Scott on the forehead if he dares lean his head back. It smells of mold and 70% alcohol. “Sorry,” Martyn replies. He sits on an old pillow, skinned knee up and facing Scott.
It looks just about how Scott had expected Pearl and Big B’s treehouse to look like. There’s a tattered Wings of Fire poster up on the wall, but upon closer inspection, he can clearly see that it’s just four printed sheets of paper taped together.
Scott presses another one of those alcohol pads up to Martyn’s knee, and he hisses, scooting back just a little bit before a sorry look flashes across his face. Martyn moves back, and Scott expects Jimmy to pop up with a tirade of complaints, but Jimmy is not there. He’s getting his blond boys confused.
That’s what I get for having a crush before reaching high school, Scott thinks.
#limited life#trafficshipping#scott smajor#martyn inthelittlewood#no one fucking needs to know about this okay#we can keep this one a secret ok tumblr. just this once#if i blow up and become some popular internet icon we can let it go ok#i'm hesitant to tag this with either#ships mentioned because they are both not really mentioned.#im sorry all my non life smp followers. so sorry. so sorry. i should make a sideblog but i don't feel like it#also did you guys know that stampy and martyn were brothers in law?? because i didn't#he has a daughter and her name is amelia. am i morally in the wrong to be writing this#i fear god is going to kill me
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For my English course this year I wrote an essay on the debate of fine art vs contemporary art and I haven't reread it since I sent it in I wanna see if I can find this shit cause I have no clue what I ended up stating as my opinion
#it was crazy how many people i mentioned it to immediately started shitting on contemporary art#like id explain what i meant by fine and contemporary art and the majority of people would instantly talk about how ridiculous#they thought contemporary art was and how it wasnt real art and shit#my english teacher told me i actually changed his mind about the subject and like ultimately all i did was fairly compare the two#i didnt favour either one i gave them both pretty much equal time i think lots of people just havent actually considered contemporary art#at any length before yk they just go well this is art cause its pretty and theyve painted a thing and i know what it is#and this is pretentious bullshit because i dont think its pretty and i cant tell what its supposed to be by looking at it#i went to a modern art museum recently with my family and there wasthis one exhibition that was an indoor garden thing#and they all kinda went whats the point of that its just plants it doesnt even make a picture and moved on pretty fast#but all the plants had little signs next to them explaining what they were and why they were significant and oh my god#it had a kind of motif of the hanging gardens of babylon but it was mostly about war specifically palestine and the effects the war has had#fuck man. i spent a solid hour in there that shit really fucked me up. i love art.#there was another room filled with traditional south american stuff i think it was?#there was this fascinating film and all these coolpaintings and models but there was also a tiny little boom you could read#and it was of mayan love charms and holy shit Tumblr wouldve loved those i think i have a picture of my favourite page#it was like 'i want to join myself to him. i want this man to be my other half'#mmmm. anyway#tag essay#i love love love talking about art i could sit and talk about art for literally hours#wet floor sign
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And the conversations people are now having about the different ways Laios, Shuro, and Falin are autistic is kinda starting to get to me. It's fuckin making me realize I've probably never actually masked in my life aside from like, two job interviews. And not even in a sense that I just be my honest self. No man, my throat just closes and I can't fucking talk so I don't even have the opportunity to pretend to be normal or not. And if I can manage to talk I just sit there like the autism creature and involuntarily act like some sweet delicate tiny baby-talking little girl because I'm, on all levels except physical, a deer in headlights. And around friends I can manage to be myself but fuck if I even realize I'm not picking up on shit until a week later and it fuckin hits me. I genuinely don't have an opportunity to mask or pick on ways I even could mask cuz I go into auto pilot mode of either complete involuntary nonverbal shutdown or "🥺👉👈". Like you guys even have the mental awareness and self control to think about masking or learning how to????
#genuinely when im in 🥺👉👈 mode i get a little kid lisp. like doing actual semi-baby talk and i cant even help it. i cant stop it#doesnt help that sometimes i do have an actual lisp from my jaw being fucked up. i struggle with B's sometimes and S's too i think#my front teeth replace my upper lip when it comes to sounds that require it#i know i just say shit in tumblr and get really aggressive and violent sounding a lot but you guys are getting whats in my head#not what i can barely manage to stutter out in front of people face to face#god image this adore baby talking little girl being so shy while talking to you and then realizing she finds you annoying and in her head is#thinking about violently strangling you. if i wasnt so anxiety riddled my impulses would have gotten me in so much more trouble than they#already did when i was a kid. turns out anxiety has saved my ass from so much trouble actually#personal
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hope you're all liking the epilogue and that you enjoyed the whole series in general. thank you for giving it so much love and support. can't wait to share more 🤍
#i'll be completely honest#you guys n the love you give are the reason why i'm still here#bc there are days and weeks when i.... don'tenjoytumblranymore#it's not bc of interaction or anything bc my god you guys talk to me so much ily :(#but tumblr has changed... the bts fandom has changed. the dash is literally EMPTY#it feels so different from when i joined back early 2021... everyone was so happy and loud back then#and so enthusiastic about writing too... like i still fkn love writing all i write#but the level of excitement about writing has changed.. it's why i try to take it slower these days#my god i used to have a schedule lmao could never today 💀#but yeah idk... sometimes im like... this isn't fun anymore and maybe it's time to give up#but that's exactly when y'all come thru and say something SUPER SWEET and i'm like.. wait ykw#i love this space.. it's still comfort and warmth#so yeah thank you for giving me hope and keeping me here you mean so much to me#the platform changes and sucks sometimes but you guys remain here and are as fucking kind as ever and#make this little community irreplaceable#i love you#and yeah. i just needed to get this off my chest bc it has been on my mind for rlly long#especially since those community labels butchered and changed interaction :/ like i just know the c&f family could've been#a lot bigger if not for the label on pt1.. could've really been one of the biggest stories around here but lol it is what it is !! the love#is overwhelming as it is so thank you <3#okay that's way too long pls ignore me bye#tdl???
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