#god this hellsite really tests me

[ghuleh-recs]

★ Ghost Fandom Fic Rec Tag ★

VERY annoyed about the anon hate I’m seeing in my favorite writers’ ask boxes lately. So! I thought I'd live up to my username. Let’s appreciate some amazing writers and rec some fucking fics.

Rules (re: loose guidelines)

Pick some fics from your AO3 bookmarks or your likes/reblobs here on tumblr, and post them with links and a blurb about it. Maybe a summary or just a reason you liked it. As many or as few as you feel like sharing. Then, as one does, tag your friends.

This is a ZERO pressure tagging situation—if you’re too busy or don’t feel like participating, no biggie at allll. Let’s just spread some love and positivity shall we?

I’ll go first (some slightly spoiler-y descriptions ahead):

[REC] and 1080P by @st-danger We've got some absolutely delicious vulnerable Dew x completely smitten Swiss right here. Long story short, they send a video of Dew in panties to Aether. These are scorchingly hot. Part of Saint’s Kinktober series—which you better subscribe to if you haven’t already.

This Swiss x Aeon stoned hand kink ficlet from @crimsonclergy actually set my brain on fire yesterday. So there’s that.

This fic from @riconas featuring insecure Dew knotting Aether. A little desperate, a little mean, a LOT sexy.

A Touch Too Much by @miasmaghoul Hey have you ever wondered what would happen if Dew went into heat during a ritual? And how he might react to Papa singing about daddies and caressing him during KTGG? Hmm? You ever wonder about that?

It would tear me apart, it would haunt me forever (so much you'd never get to know) by @littlemoon-beam oh boy this is some stunningly good Dew angst. This fic will hurt your feelings and then you’re gonna thank Moon for it. She really blasted into this fandom like the Kool-aid guy and we are honestly so hashtag blessed for it.

Now for some reader-insert if that’s more your style.

Misaimed Desire by @violet-lazer Whoops. You accidentally texted Secondo something saucy and he summons you to his office. Whatever will he do to you? Part of her excellent First Kisses: Papal Edition series. Terzo is next so y'all better subscribe.

Banchetto by @angellayercake This. This right here is the good shit. Terzo is wasting away, not handling life after the Ghost Project well at all. Primo and Secondo enlist your help seeing as you’ve got some serious cooking skills. This is gorgeously written with some god tier slow burn and eventual smut. It’s a WIP but the most recent chapter is super satisfying, don’t you worry.

The Cardinal's Bride by @ramblingoak If you’re not following along with this, you’re REALLY missing out. This is pure bodice-ripper GOLD. Some of the most satisfying slow burn I have EVER read. I reread the whole thing every time Oak drops a new chapter.

The Prince by @kissingghouls Vampire!Terzo x slayer!reader need I say more? I am loving the latest installment of Suck Club (you should really read them all). Terzo is pathetic and wears crop tops and it has me actually kicking my heels and giggling as I read.

One last thing:

Leave a comment on ao3, or reply/reblog (with tags) here on the hellsite anything you enjoyed that someone else recommended. I dare you. The author might even reply and you’ll feel oh so special.

I tag: @littlemoon-beam, @rightintheghoulies, @myghemicalghostmance, @angellayercake, @ramblingoak, @neekocalico, @kissingghouls, @stede-bonnets and anyone reading this that also enjoys fanfic. Yeah you. I’m so serious. Don't test me, boy.

(Feel free to tag me back because I have soooo many others but this already got way too long.)

[nineliabilityrisk]

“ i don't know who i am anywhere else. ”

[[ this specific prompt triggered Something in my brain pardon me while i go wacky over it for a sec /pos (also formatting change bc the hellsite has decided to remove the option to edit ask replies, at least on mobile) ]]

-- [ asked by @mute-call ] --

To say Michael knew the feeling would be an understatement. What he didn't know – or, he supposes, hadn't realized – was that other people felt it, too. Fazbear Entertainment ... it had always been the Aftons' and the Emilys' burden to carry. Their creation, their story, their tragedy. Sure, others had been dragged into the mess in the past – Jeremy, those poor kids, their families – but he hadn't even stopped to consider how some of the other employees had been affected by the company.

Mr. Bell — Steven ( he keeps forgetting, they're more or less on equal ground now, and even if they weren't, they've been casual acquaintances long enough that he doesn't need to keep using honorifics for the guy ) especially. He'd been with the company nearly as long as Michael could remember, and, granted, that wasn't all that long, minus a few key events he would rather forget, but the point still stood. God knows the kind of shit he'd seen in his time here.

Michael was struck with the sudden urge to wrap the guy up in a hug. The kind with a few firm, comforting thumps on the back. Or at least clap a hand on his shoulder. Or something.

It'd been a long time since a real human person had earned an emotion other than mild annoyance from him, but Bell had done it.

Even still, he did exactly none of those things. Because those weren't things he did, and it would be weird if he did them at all, let alone to Mr. Bell of all people, the guy he's kind-of-sort-of-known for years now and only in a professional capacity. He'd probably explode from embarrassment. Or get asked if he needs to be drug tested. Or both. Maybe not in that order.

So, narrowly avoiding that absolute fucking nightmare, ( god, that would've been horrible, this is only their third or fourth time interacting outside of work and it's only because someone fucked up their schedules, Bell seemed like he was having a bad day, and Mike 'had nothing better to do' — he felt bad and wanted to help out but don't tell Steven that ) he just inclined his head and gave him an affirmative hum. If a small smile came with it, then, well... Can't blame him.

"Yeah, I... Yeah. This place... Hasn't really been the best, for me. But it's not like I can leave, y'know? Fazbear's is my home... Whether I like it or not," he said, ending it off with a soft chuckle as he remembered that Steven may not be as... Disillusioned with the company as he was.

Michael's reason for staying may be entirely different from Steven's, but... Steven doesn't need to know that. Better to keep him from knowing all the shit Michael's tangled himself up in with this company. Better to keep him from worrying. Safer for him, too, probably.

"Just, uh... I know how you feel. I'm here for ya, buddy." God. This is why he doesn't have friends. Not because it's hard, but because he sucks absolute ass at it.

[ofmora]

PINNED POST.

@ofmora, a private roleplay blog for zhongli of genshin impact.

written by eggy!

also find me at: @inblazes & @twiilite!

Rules & about are below for the ease of mobile users.

RULES

be kind and civil.

hi! i’m eggy, and i’m a *jenna marbles voice* 31 year old ladyyyy who has been on this cursed, cursed hellsite for way too long.

i’ll keep my rules short but sweet:

the standard roleplay etiquette applies; no godmodding, infomodding, etc.

i only write with mutuals. (if you have a sideblog etc, let me know!)

i try to give back the same time/energy given to me where i can, so i will usually try to match your reply length.

i’m chronically ill so pls forgive me if i don’t always have the energy to reply right away. sometimes my condition fluctuates and i need to prioritise resting.

i don't follow minors. it is no offense to you, truly, but a boundary i set as someone who writes nsfw content and for my own personal and professional comfort. apologies!

i will try to tag any recent event/story spoilers as ’// genshin spoilers’ other spoilers are tagged like so: ’// topic’ e.g. // nsfw, // blood

i don’t really focus on writing a lot of nsfw content, unless it’s with friends i’ve known for literally forever.

i only use art from official sources.

feel free to vibe with me ooc, i like to chat on discord. :) just ask.

don’t be a dick. <3

ABOUT

name. morax.

occupation. consultant at the wangsheng funeral parlor.

alias. rex lapis, the god of contracts, lord of geo, lord of rock, groundbreaker, prime of adepti, warrior god, god of history, god of commerce, god of wealth, deus auri, the geo archon. one could go on.

nowadays, he humbly goes by the mortal known as zhongli.

age. 6000+, appears to be in his mid 30’s.

birthday. dec 31st.

height. tall. (lmao)

gender. appears as male.

sexuality. grey-ace.

current location. liyue harbor.

notable features. tall, slim, and impeccably dressed at all times. long, dark bangs frame his fair-skinned features, and his hair is tied into a long, waist-length ponytail that fades into an amber gradient at the ends. his eyes match the hue of the cor lapis one might find scattered around the mountains of liyue.

personality traits.

(+) logical, knowledgeable, subtle, elegant, chivalrous, congenial, humble, polite, stoic, reserved, dutiful, cultured

(-) stolid, freeloading, obstinate, estranged, old-fashioned, forthright, guileful, insulated, melancholic, morose, petulant

verses.

i will need to work on these for specific franchises/themes, but my default for out-of-universe interactions is that zhongli is travelling to different lands on annual leave to taste test… new and interesting tea. :) *sippy sippy*

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 348

Unity

Y’all (Mary (hi)), guess who has two thumbs and is forgoing the like four day break I had allowed myself because after last week, I can no longer fathom ever doing two episodes in one day. So. I AM still taking Christmas off, but every day other than that, I will be watching ONE episode (with the exception of NYE of course when I will watch over three hours of tv which will take me a stupid amount of time to talk about)

“Unity”

Plot Description: Chuck returns to Earth and debates with Amara about whether the world is worth preserving. As Jack faces a big test, Sam and Dean do not see eye to eye

Castiel BETTER BE IN THIS EPISODE. I will LOSE MY SHIT if the next time I see him is in THE episode, THE NOVEMBER 5, 2020 episode that out trended the United States presidential election

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I suppose no one died. All other universes were already killed off, and Chuck just returned to this one

Oh good. Castiel IS here. I hope this isn’t it for him for this episode

How many times has there only been one way to do something on this show and then they found another at the eleventh hour??

Dean. Dean, you know I love you, but for someone who’s hated living in another person’s story for so long, blindly following the orders in the death book Billie has on Chuck feels a lot like the same. It doesn’t MATTER how you feel, you say?? Boy…

You are one of his three dads, Dean. What, he’s not family because he came here later?? Come on…oooof, he heard you say he’s not family like Sam and Cas are (you’d think after however many months, my phone would have learned not to automatically capitalize the a in Cas)

Ugh, ew, Chuck is so fucking insufferable. He really only cares about himself.

Oh Amara. Oh sweet Amara (never thought I’d say that but here we are). You gave your brother so many outs, you brought him to a place where you could hold him captive til (I presume) Dean and Jack get there and then you’ll be betrayed for all your efforts. You deserve better

You know what would have been better than the entire British Men of Letters plot? Those twins where at least one was a witch, and one died and the other used necromancy to bring her back? What if something had happened with them after that??

Dean, you’ve met Eve. You think she’d still be hanging around Adam all these years if he’s like this?

EXCUSE ME WHAT?? Fine (not fine but we’ll go with fine), Jack passed your little test but that doesn’t mean you have to RIP OUT ONE OF ADAM’S RIBS IN FRONT OF THEM

Ugh…I hate that all Dean can say is thank you and you didn’t need to hear [Dean tell Sam that Jack’s not family] instead of ANY nice platitudes

Y’all are just gonna…FIND they Key of Death in all the shit in the bunker?? Do you even know how to use it. I understood a few of those words in Latin

It’s not a good sign to immediately see a—several dead reapers when visiting Death’s Library

Oh shit. The Empty is here.

You know, Castiel not being able to be on earth aside, Billie taking over as the new god is not the worst thing I ever heard

Chuck’s death book is so long comparative to everyone else’s

I’m so mad that Amara has to die if Chuck dies

Omg wtf. Like I know he’s omniscient and all but he orchestrated this whole Jack becomes a bomb to kill god and Amara?? To pit Sam and Dean against each other one final time, get the ending he wants

Oh it’s NOT just humans on earth, angels in heaven, demons in hell…people from other universes go back to places that no longer exist, Eileen just dies again…and what do you think would happen to the boys who should have been dead many many times over?

Just because you create new universes together in balance does not mean she’s gonna forget everything you’ve put her through, Chuck

I…hate that he just like…absorbed Amara

I can’t watch Jack die AGAIN. I feel like he’s just always doing that……..and Dean says he’s not family. That’s the most Winchester thing you can do

[remindingpersephone]

Returning With Randomness

Good morning, my darlings. My Tumblr mini-break has resulted in me changing the way I utilize the blue hellsite. I'm putting all this babbling under a jump to keep your scrolling aesthetically pleasing.

14 days isn't much of a break, but I was testing out a theory. I felt like I was checking social media, or at least the 4 Biggies: Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, too frequently and in too automated a fashion. Got five minutes between tasks? Check Insta! Need a breather from spreadsheet madness? Log in to Twitter! And on and on. While it is always nice to check in with my mutuals, I would then get sidetracked and the next things I know I've lost 20 minutes to somebody's thread about SCOTUS or lunar eclipse or whatever. Not terrible, in and of itself, but when added to all the other noise and distraction in the world, it has become detrimental.

Life offline these days is busy and stressful. My job is good but hectic, so I have to stay focused and disciplined with my time and attention. Home life is difficult and I'll leave it at that because it involves other people who don't want their shit aired out online. So even if I wanted to read about the latest Kardashian drama (keep your mitts of Marilyn's dress, Kim!) I just don't have the time or the mental bandwidth.

Moreover, reading gossip and useless opinions just isn't good for my mental health. I'd argue it's not good for anyone's mental health, but I believe everyone has to the right to live their life any way they see fit, including but not limited to social media brainrot. You do you, baby.

Which brings me to my point (I have one, I swear): social media may have been an unfortunate mistake. Or at least, 75% of it. The 25% that allows us to meet each other, learn new things, talk to people around the world, share, connect, inspire, is awesome. A truly wonderful gift. But the other 75%: rampant disinformation, bullying, repeated ugliness, echo chamber effect - is an awfully high price to pay. Is it too high? I don't know. I think we need to recognize it now, acknowledge the problem it has become, and find a way to preserve the good and eliminate the bad. There has to be a way. Our society has done some amazing things. We have to find a way to keep trolls from ruining the world.

I think it was @hopefulmisanthrope who said a while back "Do we really need everyone's opinion?" in regards to social media's negative effect. I found myself repeating this sentiment a few days ago. I told someone "We don't need everyone's opinion, all the time."

I must clarify that there is a difference between using Twitter or Tumblr, etc. to express yourself, and using it to spread maliciousness. Use it to write something silly or sad or moving or beautiful. To just put something out into the universe. I wholeheartedly support this for everyone. Remember, a thing isn't free unless it's free for everyone. So follow your bliss and post your heart out if it brings you joy. God knows, I've posted about meaningless shit before, because it made me happy. I just posted on Twitter about wind, for fuck's sake. I'm not contributing to the overall betterment of society with my 479th Instagram picture of orchids. But neither am I harming it buy doing this. It's the thousand mile long thread of echoed hatred and ignorance that worries me. That's the shit we've got to stop. It is not a case of, "Well, who's to say what's hate and what's not?" We are. We all know the difference between what is evil and vicious and what is harmless. I want the people that scream freedom as a way to absolve themselves of responsibility for the things they say and do to shut their mouths. Adults know when they are protecting true freedom and when they are using it to mask discrimination and acrimony.

So, to get back to my original thought when I started writing this post a hundred years ago, is to say that I want to use Tumblr differently. I want to check in on my mutuals by going to their individual blogs. I want to write my own posts when I either have something to capture so I can refer back to it later, or because I want to share something. I don't want to start scrolling mindlessly, miss all the good stuff, while zoning out. So if I don't appear for a while and then suddenly heart bomb the hell out of you, this is why. And if I miss you and you wonder why, drop me a line. I do check messages to see if anyone is trying to reach me directly.

Everything is tumultuous (to put it mildly) in the world these days. I'm looking for ways to maintain equilibrium with my energy, attention, and output. I am responsible for what I allow myself to absorb, and what I put out into the universe. I want both of those to be good, healthy and helpful. So the learning and the adjusting and the analyzing and the changing and the growing never stops. Neither does my rambling, apparently. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I love you, kittens. Take care of yourselves and be good to each other.

[thenightling]

The Internet has forgotten what real ableism

The word Ableist is thrown around a lot where it doesn’t belong.

The way it is thrown around on the Internet it has been diminished an lost some meaning.   It's like the boy who cried wolf.

I’ve been called ableist on this Hell site twice.  Once for referring to the character Rumplestiltskin from Once Upon a Time as having a disability (The character walks with a cane because of a shattered ankle).  

Someone decided that acknowledging Rumplestiltskin has a disability is ableist because he “did it to himself.”   The character can’t walk without a cane.  But because they don’t like him and don’t sympathize with his backstory, he “doesn’t count” and if you say he has a disability “you are ableist” by default.   This... really happened...  

The other accusation was pretty recent.  It was someone angry at me for debunking Reality Shifting to F--king Hogwarts. Apparently explaining what Lucid Dreaming and maladaptive Daydreaming is now counts as Ableist.

The irony?  I am legally blind.  I’m not actually blind, it just means extremely poor eyesight.  

Hell, I saw Daredevil (the blind superhero) called ableist on this Hellsite because he called a serial killer “crazy.”  The character, in question, was The Punisher.  Yes, The Punisher was sympathetic.  But the blind Superhero, chained up by a known murderer, and being goaded to kill, is NOT “Ableist” for telling his own kidnapper that he’s crazy.  It’s not the most polite term but when you’re chained up by a killer you get a little slack, for God’s sake!  That doesn’t mean you forever call the blind character “Ableist”.

Neil Gaiman (the famous author) was called ableist right here on Tumblr and Facebook because he corrected the spelling of someone who sent him an antisemitic ask.  That’s right.  The Jewish author was called an ableist for... correcting a antisemite’s typo...   He was even sent an ask, asking him to defend himself, because someone had shown his reply to the antisemite to their Facebook group and the members said he was being ableist. The Jewish man was... being ableist... for correcting the typo... of someone sending him hate...  You can probably still find it on Neil’s blog.  You can’t make something like this up!   It’s just too profoundly stupid.  

Tumblr (and other sites) don’t know what ableism actually is and it’s infuriating.  You want to know what REAL ableism is?  

Ableism is being in kindergarten and for “safety” reasons they won’t let you play on the nice playground equipment all your friends are playing on because they’re afraid you’ll fall off with your poor eyesight but you can play on old, rusty, metal ones, making recess socializing really awkward and difficult.  THAT one is okay for some reason! Ableism is swinging around a toy animal with a long tail, accidentally hitting someone because you have no depth perception, the teacher KNOWING you have no depth perception, but still dedicating the afternoon to teaching the class why hitting is wrong, so it’s a humiliation fest because of an accident.

Ableism is being fifteen-years-old in high school and being the only kid who has to call home first to make sure “someone is there for you” to allow you to leave if school gets let out early.  Every... single... time... Ableism is knowing how to swim but the class fieldtrip to the public pool requires a permission slip and even with the permission slip you are only allowed in the wading pool.

Ableism is when Special Ed teachers treat you like you’re mentally disabled because it is the only disability they are used to. (This happens a LOT.)  It makes you feel like you’re stupid or that the world must see you as stupid so that when IQ tests arrive in the mail saying you have a superior intellect you break down crying.

Ableism is going to a school Speech therapy because you have a lisp (I lost my two front teeth when I was a two and they didn’t grow back in until I was almost thirteen).  And the speech teacher is used to neurological conditions where the student can’t shift topics in a conversation and decides you don’t need Speech therapy because you can hold a normal conversation.  Yes, but, I still couldn’t pronounce “Shh.”  I was there for a lisp!

Ableism is being bullied by other kids who pretend to miss their own mouth when eating to mock how poor your sight is. (Because you... see your mouth when eating?!?) Ableism is when a kid sings “O say can Amanda see” every single time we’re made to sing the Star Spangled banner so you come hate the National anthem  or “Three blind Pikes.”  (My name is Amanda Pike).   Three Blind Mice is already unpleasant enough.

Ableism is a teacher telling you she'll have your poetry published in an anthology but it must contain a short bio that says you're in the vision Impaired program.  As if that's the extent of who you are and the reason you'd be published and not because your writing is actually any good... Ableism is the head of the high school's "Vision impaired program" wanting to do "Vision awareness week" by pinning the names of everyone with visual disabilities all over the school.  Because that's not humiliating at all when there are kids already mocking you for your eyesight. Ableism is someone stealing your bookbag in Jr. High, and finding it later with the word “Cyclops” written across it in permanent marker.

Ableism is multiple reviews (including professional ones) whining that Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman audio drama adaptation should have been “updated” for modern audiences with certain parts taken out because it’s “problematic” even though this was literally the first version of the story accessible for the visually impaired or dyslexic. None of these reviews caring that anyone with a disability might want to know the story as it was originally written without having to have a friend read it out loud to them.  That’s ableism disguised as being “woke.”   “This thirty-four-year-old story doesn’t fit modern sensibilities. It should have been re-written.” while ignoring that for many this was their first time even having access to the story at all, warts and all, and sometimes you want to know how a thing was originally written- the good and the bad, not just the polished up and “updated” version.  Deliberately denying access to a story, as it was written, because you don’t like it, is ableist.     That’s ableism.

But...

When you’re called ableist for referring to a character who has a disability as having a disability simply because the person in question doesn’t like him...

When a blind character is called ableist for calling the man beating him up, chaining him up, and murdering people, crazy...

When a Jewish man is called ableist because he corrected the typo of an antisemite sending him hate...

When you’re called ableist for explaining what maladaptive daydreaming is and telling someone they aren’t magically gaining control of the universe where Harry Potter is real...

The word “Ableist” has lost all meaning.   And it’s infuriating.  As someone who has experienced genuine ableism since I was four-years-old, before the term was even coined, it is infuriating.  I knew some teachers, and students were treating me unfairly just because of my eyesight, but the term didn’t exist / wasn’t common yet.   And now the term is thrown around for stupid reasons so it’s diminished.

[papervalentines]

we all knew this was coming and I’m a sentimental bitch. I just wanted to write all my mutuals some little messages about how much I love you. you guys have changed my life and I am so grateful for each and every one of you!!!💕💞💓💗💖💘 anygays have fun searching for yourself in this mess and I’m sorry for any typos, I’m illiterate (and if i forgot you it’s because i lost my brain in 1912)

@cr1spyy fernanda, my first ever mutual. who would have thought that your 5th wave posts would have brought one of the most amazing people in my life to me. your posts always make me laugh and your dedication to the good morning asks is admirable (fr I could never have that much consistency) you’re so kind to everybody and you’re absolutely beautiful and incredible and I fucking love you so much. I honestly don’t even want to think about what my life would be like if I had never met you, MWAH💕🤍

@sundaymorninghangover I remember you being my first ever note!! you liked this post I made that was a reblog of a “uquiz” that was actually a rickroll lmao. you didn’t even follow me back then but whatever. Then I remember waking up one day to see that you had tagged me in a bingo ask game and I was like “ummm tf is an ask game” but I do still have a bingo card for it that I never used ekenksjs. anygays, you have good opinions on everything and you’re absolutely fucking hilarious. If you told me back in may that I would be friends with you I wouldn’t believe it bc you intimidated me but regardless I’m glad to be an arson gang member with you. your memes are god tier and so is your music taste. I love you whore!!!!!🖤💜

@sound-and-colors ma’am you’re so nice and for what??? the aesthetic stuff that you reblog is *chef’s kiss* and nobody else is out there doing it like you. we’ve never talked but I just know that you are absolutely incredible mwah❤️💛

@embeddedinmybrain tasfia you are the nicest person on his hellsite and you know it (I hope). It was so much fun being your secret admirer anon while it lasted, like fr I loved it. Your art is beautiful just like your heart and i honestly don’t know what I did to deserve such a kind soul like you in my life. You’re always there to hype me up and ily (also just cut your own hair already I believe in you)🤍💙

@gumptin you hooked me with your suus icon and reeled me in by being the coolest and funniest person ever. your posts are consistently hilarious, accurate, or relatable and I admire that. I mean it when I say you’re one of the coolest people on here. idk what I did to have you think I’m cool but I’m honored nonetheless. also you have really awesome style and hair jdnjdjdjd mwah💚💛

@nori-in-pink first and foremost, your blog always has a very nice aesthetic and I feel like I need to acknowledge that. anyway, you are so kind and supportive and you don’t take any bullshit and that is absolutely amazing. you are absolutely iconic and always reblog the best stuff so I know I can count on your blog to be fantastic. you used to scare me (idk why don’t ask) but now I know that you’re just a big teddy bear ily💗💜

@matteohnora my slurpee queen and my mememate!! you always send me the funniest shit and it doesn’t go unappreciated. You’re always there for me with a silly meme or emotional support and I don’t think I’ve ever told you how grateful I am for that. whenever you stalk my blog it makes my heart go whooosh and I feel so special. Ily and I am so glad to have met you💜❤️

@lieverobbe ah yes, the girl with the impeccable music taste. that’s what I know you as, oh well. you are more talented and kind than you could ever believe and your edits are amazing!!! whenever I see you on my dash I get all happy bc I’m like “em’s here!!!” I love all your lil posts and I am so glad that you are my mutual ilyyyyy💙🤍

@ironymane you’ve watched limitless which automatically makes you amazing. you’re an absolutely incredible and amazing person and even tho you aren’t on here as much anymore, I still love youre lil posts. And one time you kept me entertained on a 6hr car ride so you deserve some kind of award for that. ly🧡💛

@kingarthurpendragons okay the obvious thing to talk about here is your incredible talent when it comes to gif making. Like how in the hell- but you are also so kind and loving and it doesn’t go unnoticed. You don’t have to send nice asks but you do and ily for it mwah!!❤️💗

@engelkeijsers the skam nl stan that we all deserve to have in our lives. you are so fucking hilarious and relatable and all around amazing and for what? your posts always put a smile on my face and it is so much fun to clown with you. ilyyyy💚💛

@happiness-isin-you let’s ignore the fact that it took me forever to realize that this was your main lmao. your art is some of the most beautiful shit I’ve ever seen. like your style is so cool????  I could literally go on about this for hours don’t test me. the cute animal pictures are the absolute best and you’re always there for emotional support. Ilyyyyyyy💛❤️

@isakyaqi fiz you are so kind and talented and cool and I really do mean all that. You reblog always the best of content so I know I can trust it. you always put nice tags in the things you reblog things and it’s fun to read what you write because it’s almost always you hyping up the creator or the thing itself. you are awesome jdjdjdndjjd mwah🖤🤎

@cash-queens sam oh sam. Idek where to start with how much ily. You’re my famous mutual which is very iconic of you and you put up with my cat pictures and my silly antics and my riverdale posts. You’re so kind to me and everybody and whenever I make a post when I’m having a mental breakdown you’re always there to make sure that I’m doing okay. That def doesn’t go unappreciated. You’re legitimately one of the kindest and most amazing people I’ve ever known and I love you so much, more than you could ever know💛🤍

@welcometo-saturn çağrı you’re so cool. end of statement. that’s all I have to say about it. your gifs are so beautiful and you don’t take shit from anybody. you’re so down to earth that it makes it seem like you’re somebody who I’ve just always known (even tho we’ve never talked sjdjdjdjdj) so yeah anyway, you’re are a really awesome person with really good opinions and I am so glad that we are mutuals🧡❤️

@amifeelingokay it’s difficult not to start with your url bc it’s amazing and I love it. your skam posts are always so nice and cute and positive (just like you!!) and I love them. the content you reblog is always aesthetic or a nice text post and I just love your blog okay. ily💜🖤

@isthatelpome you’re so nice that I’m willing to overlook your opinion on salt and vinegar chips (they’re not good I’ll fight you on that) your dani icon is beautiful just as you are, mwahhhh🧡❤️

@earthling-isa babe you are so cute with your lil edits and your clowning. the near constant black and white aesthetic is very iconic and i love it. you’re a suus stan so I have no choice but to love you for it. i absolutely adore your gifs, especially the ones with the lil squares in the middle fygzbgut. you are absolutely beautiful and incredible and kind and I love you MWAHHHH🖤💙

@grey-mist-exist okay we’ve never talked but you seem like such a rad person. not cool but like rad (there are are subtle differences) your art is beautiful even tho idk the quotes (go off smarty pants) and overall you are just really rad, idk how else to say it mwah!!!🤍🖤<pretend it’s a grey heart

@fatoudixon hey look it’s one of the most talented people here!!! You’ve always been so kind and supportive of me and I really really do appreciate it. you have good opinions on everything and did I mention that you’re talented?? cause you are, very. Your reaction videos are amazing and not to mention iconic, just like your hair. anyway, ily and I am so glad that I have somebody as amazing as you as my mutual💙💛

@sander-klaas you are so kind and and you have so much passion. I can always trust you reblog only the best of wtfock and sobbe content which I am very grateful for. you literally just started making gifs and they are so beautiful (okay it was like months ago but whatever dkdjdjjdjdj) anyway, thank you so much for being my mutual mwah❤️💛

@jusdekiwi okay we’ve never talked but you genuinely seem like such a sweet person??? I love the stuff you reblog, it’s always the best gif sets. idk I can just tell you have good taste. I hope to get to know you better in the future, but for now I am very grateful to have you💚💙

@kritiquer my twin!!! you and I have a lot in common so ofc I love you. I’m joking obviously.... anygays you are always so supportive of everybody and you are so sweet. I love all of your personal posts, it always makes me really happy to see what you’re up to and how you’re feeling. I also like the aesthetic stuff you reblog, I have bad taste in all that, clearly you don’t. I am so glad that we started talking and I hope that we continue! ily kit!!!!💜🤍

@bleachblondebitches you aren’t on here that much, but whenever you are I get so happy! Your gifs are beautiful and I think about your sobbe and booksmart parallels gifset every day. you have amazing taste in movies and I love you!💜💙

@lesbeanfatou clara!!! bitch!!!! You already know how much I love you but I guess I’ll reiterate. I honestly don’t know what I did before I knew you. I always remember looking at the no idea blog with the Nora icons like “who is this?” Little did I know back then that you would be one of my closest friends. your support of me means the world and I am so grateful for you. I’m so glad that I have somebody in my life like you to talk to and be friends with. you are one of the funniest people in and I just love you so much I could burst mwah❤️🧡

@gucciboner okay hiii ypu are literally so fucking kind and funny, i admire your sense of humor sm. your art is so beautiful and you are so goddamn talented, it never ceases to amaze me. I also love all the little funny posts you make and reblog!! ily💙💗

@helmtaryn even though you put supernatural on my dash, I am willing to forgive you bc I love you so much. your gifs are so beautiful like ma’am didn’t you just start?? icon shit. your hate for photoshop is iconic and you are awesome. you’re always sending me asks and responding to my posts and you’re so nice and it makes my heart go whooosh. anygays you’re cool and ily💙🧡

@starmansander nina when I tell you that you give off the best vibes- okay sorry I had to start with that. I love how you are so nice and supportive of me, it really means a lot. I really like the stuff you reblog like,,, cool art? pretty women? those hopeful little posts? iconic. also youre a noor stan which is a sign of good taste. love you🤎❤️

@ijzermanora daniiiiiii madam you are so epic and iconic and I really could go on about that forever. you are so kind and you’re following all my joke sideblogs (even the ch*cken l*ttle hate blog??? why???) which is very brave of you. I love reading all of your lil wholesome posts and hearing about school and how much you hate chemistry (even tho you like sushi???) anygays we were already sending memes 10 hours into our mutualship so I think we were soulmates from the very beginning. I love you so much and I have no idea what I did before i knew you💜💗

@alwaysin-myhead okay, you give off cool person vibes and I had to acknowledge that. your art is so beautiful and you are so incredibly talented!!! I hope to get to know you in the future🧡💛

@alexiaugustin here she is!!! the queen of good opinions!!! you are such a smart cookie and you use that power to make long paragraph posts that I can actually read without falling asleep. which is impressive honestly. never has a person been so kind and funny and genius in such a well rounded way (that makes no sense) I’m so happy that I have you in my life ilyyy💚💗

@ijntba hihi you’re such a sweet person and I literally love your skam blog sm. I am so honored that you’re using one of my icons you have no idea. even though I’m confused when you post about anime, I still appreciate your passion lmao. mwah💛🧡

@hidden-joy liz!! you are such a kind soul and I absolutely love looking at the things you reblog and reading all the nice things that you put in the tags, it’s always so sweet and supportive!!! we’re relatively new mutuals, but I do hope to get to know you better in the future!!!💚💛

okay sorry to group y’all together but @fudgetunblr and @alexiswoke I like just became mutuals with y’all but I do love you and I’m glad you’re here and I hope 2021 treats you well and that i get to know you better!!❤️❤️

aaand one last final message for max and sarah, i know yall wont see this but ily🧡 💜

okay yeah I know I already said this but I really do love each and every one of you so much and I am so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life💕💕💓💕💖💖💕💘💕💗💞💓💕💖💖💘💕💓

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Ok I’m obsessed with your GoodPlaceNatural post, but is Eleanor both a Winchester and Gabe’s daughter? Cuz if so... who did who?!? This has been nagging me for hours...

ahhhh yes. i explained it in a post before the big long post and then figured. no one would look at any of it. rip me? here is the post but also in case you’re. like on mobile idk and the link doesn’t work, or you just don’t want to Test the Hellsite’s ability to function, here it is:

actually, wait, first:

I am okay with Eleanor just being. A Secret Winchester. Because I think it’s absolutely hiLARIous that she is. Also a near-perfect vessel for Michael? “yeah, dude, EVeryone wants to get inside this, buh-bye” and I don’t think she can be a vessel if she’s a nephilim. “Dress Bitch” Eleanor, who has a reputation in Hell, and Michael, Head Dick of the Archangels, BEGGING her to be a vessel. Also, architect!michael/good place!michael possesses her at some point (he gets permission first) and nobody can tell that it’s not Eleanor. archangel!michael just. gets constantly ROASTED by eleanor/michael and archangel!michael can’t DO anything about it because he can’t hurt his vessel. at least not permanently!! also eleanor’s burns are really sick and he’s not good at thinking on his feet. 

BUUT, to get back to your actual question, I fully believe that Donna Shellstrop would let Gabriel use her as a vessel for both legal and horny reasons. Being possessed by an angel? Sounds kinky, she’s in. And Gabe being all “hellz YEAH i can get you out of this parking ticket” (actually several and an arrest warrant but who’s counting?) “would you mind being my vessel? no hangovers as long as i’m here!” I mean. She faked her own death. This is small potatoes compared to that.

he probably has to use a vessel for some. idk. hiding from other gods thing, or loki needs to be the only one with that face for a few days, idk, or maybe gabe is just bored. And Donna like. Does Not Care. Sometimes she doesn’t remember a few hours when she lets Gabe take over, that’s like being blackout drunk. Nothing new for her! I don’t think Gabriel actively possesses her much, he’s mostly just chillin and enjoying his front row seat to the Donna Show, and it’s WILD. (do angels need to be the one in charge of the body in order to create a nephilim? I’m going with no for this. It’s enough that his grace is residing in her body) but ANYway, Donna meets John and they have a fling and LOOK, how was gabriel supposed to know Donna is that bad at taking her birth control? He saw her take it one whole time!! (she took it with a glass of chardonnay)

Which is how Eleanor can be both John Winchester and Gabriel’s daughter. How does heaven not know about her? Why do her powers not manifest until after she dies? Why doesn’t she end up in the empty? I’m gonna go with “Gabe pretending to be Loki messed some stuff up” and leave it at that. 

[softluci]

omg, hey, how r u, hi, so nice to see u; welcome to my 3AM (now 6AM bc miss hellsite deleted everything) ramblings (which i will try to make as close to the original as possible); this one’s gonna be a Doozy

now that ap testing is over and i have more time to care about literally everything else, i realize that i . i am So Bad at taking care of myself. like, so bad. and i actually realized this months ago but i didn't have this account months ago and i didn't think of this months ago so—

((i was debating whether or not to limit this to gen z but i know it isn't just us who do this; or maybe that’s wishful thinking and it Is just us, but idk, man,, i feel like millennials be doing this too))

sometimes, a lot of the time i just . don't eat . and i don't have a bad or difficult relationship to food or an eating disorder or anything like that, i just Don't Do It because i either legitimately forgot or i didn't feel hungry even if i hadn't eaten for a significant period of time (6-18hrs, we'll say, because i do lose track). like,, when quarantine started, i was in my room, door Locked, for 15 to 19 hours a day + i wouldn't leave unless i had to use the bathroom or shower. i only started eating and leaving my room more because my mom had to ask me to. oh, and this should be obvious, but i don't sit and eat dinner with my family either.

additionally, and this is Much More Frequent, i don't sleep. i know i don't sleep because i slept for nine hours today and woke up dazed and confused. when we had school, i would either sleep for 1-6 hours or just not at all. and then i'd go to school and not pack anything to eat :p. i actually think the longest i've gone without sleep is a full day. and i don’t have insomnia or anything like that, i just be Staying Up

so, with those things in mind, i've been wondering, like,, like how the boys would react to an m/c like that, you know?

like, okay, first of all,, there's No Way mammon is gonna let mc sit alone in their room all day. his emotional support human?? alone without him??? unacceptable. it just isn't happening. he would Literally break mc's door down if they tried to keep him out, unless they, for some reason, really, really, really needed to be alone, and even then it is a Tossup. and then not sleeping or eating? hello, what do you think this is? he would accommodate them for a little while by bringing them food and making sure they slept but after a while he would literally drag them out of their room because there is no way. there is No Way he’s letting them turn into levi. not on his watch 

an mc like this would give luci an ulcer. a literal ulcer. why are you a human and playing with the limits of your body?? who are you, do you think you’re made of metal? do you realize you have classes to attend and that you’re surrounded by demons literally All The Time? you cannot be caught lacking (i.e. feeling faint or fatigued because you haven’t eaten in seventeen hours or slept in a day). he would bring food to your room so he could make sure you ate, but when it came to sleeping? get ready to literally be dragged/carried out of your room and into his because he has work to do and he needs to keep an eye on you because Clearly you cannot be trusted to take care of yourself. he would probably go as far as to stop doing work and go to bed so you have nothing to hold against him. can’t sleep at a regular time because of your nonexistent sleep schedule? that’s okay because, beloved, He Is Putting You To Sleep. how he does so is up to you; and if you try to play like you’re Fine?? 

“mc, it’s seven pm, when was the last time you ate?” “five.” “am or pm?” “...” “well, when was the last time you slept?” “i haven’t.” “MC.” 

you haven’t slept in just over a day? baby, levi’s record is three. he would be absolutely terrible for an m/c like this; he would enable them So Hard. maybe he would bring them food (and that’s Snacks, not actual food), and Maybe he would tell them to go to sleep once or twice, but Other Than That? he can’t take care of himself for Shit either, sorry you had to hear it from me, leviastans <3

asmo,, you are worrying this man Sick. you haven’t eaten in fifteen hours? are you on a diet? no? you Forgot To Eat? how many hours of sleep have you gotten? one? you Think? oh, Maybe it was two? ah, yes, mc, because that is So Much Better. seriously, though, if you won’t eat, fine, but if there’s one thing you’re doing, it’s sleeping. you can’t sleep at a decent time because you have no concept of a sleeping schedule? sweetie. beloved. he is putting you to sleep, be it through relaxing self care or something else, darling, you are knocking out. and when you wake up, he’ll have a full course meal ready and he will literally feed it to you himself.

what’s that? you haven’t eaten since Yesterday and it’s three in the afternoon? oh,, you sweet summer child, beel is heartbroken. keep insisting that you aren’t hungry while you can barely stand and his eyes will fill with tears. you don’t wanna leave your room? fine, but that is the only thing keeping him from throwing you over his shoulder and going to the kitchen. he would literally bring you as much food as he could carry and only eat a little bit on the way back to your room. can’t sleep? not a problem, wait there while he gets belphie to charm your pillow. do Not worry, teddy bear beel always has your back MUAH

speaking of belphie,, tell that man you haven’t slept in a day and he’s stopping what he’s doing, dragging you to the nearest cushioned surface, and laying down with you; you’ll be out in No Time. and once you’re up?? he’s dragging you to the kitchen and you’re eating any and everything he puts in front of you, and he’s not leaving you alone until you’re functioning like a human and not a gremlin, or so help him, you’ll die a second time. 

you’re like, op,, y did u put satan last?? i couldn’t think of anything for him until now, i Swear i love him, okay, Anyway, you haven’t eaten in almost a day? do all humans do that? no?? why can you Barely Stand??? do you need to be carried to the kitchen? he is so confused as to why you just Haven’t Eaten when that is a basic function that humans need to complete or else they literally die; now wait in your room while he brings you something to eat. you can’t sleep?? do Not worry, that man will curl up with you and read to you until you’re Knocked Out, which won’t take long because he has a calming presence and a soothing voice, sweetheart, u r in good hands

ok it’s 7AM and i’m contemplating doing the undateables,, should i do the undateables? i’m gonna do the undateables. 

oh my god,, if luke finds out that you haven’t eaten in, eighteen hours and you haven’t slept in like twenty,, the way you’re gonna have to put in Work to convince him that you did those things of your own volition and the demons you live with aren’t starving or overworking you and No they aren’t forcing you to lie about anything. after you’ve done that, he is seeing to it that you eat something right away; it does not matter where you are, you are a human and you’re feeling Faint around literal demons, are you Dumb? are you Dumb of Ass?? come with him immediately before you hurt yourself or get hurt, he is feeding you and then you’re sleeping in his room and he’s Not taking no for an answer; don’t even think about telling him no, he’ll cry at you. 

you cannot tell me simeon is not the doting/fussing type, okay, and he is appalled. Appalled. what did you just say. the reason why you don’t look so good is because you’ve been up since Yesterday and you haven’t eaten since then either? why? what do you mean you forgot to eat; what kind of human Forgets To Eat? oh, you didn’t forget? you just didn’t feel like getting up? you’re gonna give him an ulcer. if he doesn’t do anything else, he is getting you something to eat, you literally just activated every older sibling/parental instinct he has from luke being an angel. he will literally take you to the closest place with food, sit you down, and buy you whatever you want, and if you say you don’t want anything, he’ll buy you one of everything and give the leftovers to beel, do Not test him. and when you’re done eating, you’re taking a nap. where? anywhere. no one will disturb you so long as he’s there, you’ll sleep perfectly fine <33

dia is half horrified and half intrigued. you haven’t slept in how long? are humans supposed to do that?? NO??? like,, part of him wants to see how long you can last without sleep or food just to see the limits of the average human and part of him wants to feed you and make sure you sleep immediately. he would have to fight every urge to do the former, but once he did, you are eating everything he finds and you are sleeping for however long his Humans 101 manual says you should sleep for. 

i am so thoroughly convinced that solomon literally would not care at all you have No Idea- 

like,,, i just feel like he’d ask you if you were alright because you looked a little off and you’d tell him you hadn’t slept or eaten in a while and he’d first look at you like you were literally out of your mind and then depending on where you were, Maybe keep you company (read: make sure nothing happens to you) while you take a nap, or Maybe buy you food, or take you to the house or purgatory hall (whichever’s closer) because he wouldn’t leave you alone,, surrounded by demons, ever; let alone in your current state. ok wow maybe he does care what a sweetie

barbatos would literally. he would keep his ^_^ cool facade, but on the inside he would be Screaming. full throttle internal screaming that has been going on for centuries just got several notches louder because you can’t take care of yourself, i hope ure happy. you haven’t slept since yesterday? one notch. you didn’t eat breakfast or lunch? another notch. you feel faint? oH WOW REALLY??? I FUCKING WONDER WHY another notch. come with him. please come with him before he blows a fuse for the first time in 400 years because you think you’re an exception to the rules of being a human. he’s feeding you and putting you to sleep whether you think you’re fine or not; don’t argue with him, he already takes care of his immortal boss who is the equivalent of an excited child on most days or a troublesome teenager on others and he Does Not Lose Arguments. 

ok it’s almost 11am goodnight now <3

[pluviophile-bookworm]

I feel like I need to talk about this...

I’m very open about being aroace. At least here on Tumblr I am. (Outside of Tumblr, I am technically out, but some issues with my mother and grandmother have forced me back into the closet. I felt miserable about that initially, but I’m learning to be fine with it.) But it wasn’t always this way. In fact, I didn’t even know what aroace meant until I was 18. So how was I supposed to know when I got my first ‘celebrity crush’ that those last words do not, in fact, describe very accurately what I was experiencing? I didn’t know I had ADHD, either. I feel like that might have helped me realise some things about my experience. But let me go back a bit and actually tell you what happened and how it happened. [side note: I’ll be starting from a bit earlier than the ‘crush’ thing happened because I feel like it’s important for whoever reads this to understand how my circumstances shaped the experience I had]

Backstory:

I had always been different from my peers, so it was not surprising to anyone that I was bullied in middle school. [side note: Judging from my and my little brother’s combined experience, I feel like bullying is, quite unfortunately, something of a universal experience in middle school - in my day, I was on the receiving end. This last school year, my brother was the bully. Gosh, I wish I could tell my story without many deviations and without crying as I type, but I’ve already thrown both of those intentions out the window.]

So anyway, things got so bad that I was driven to suicidal thoughts. One night I was just lying in bed, thinking about going through with it, but I was like, well, I’ve got a test in the morning. Maybe after that. 13-year-old me had very weird priorities. I kind of still value my work over my mental health, but I’m working on it. So that night, I didn’t do anything. The next day, right before school, I was on the internet and I found out a new show had premiered. And then, as I was watching the pilot episode, that was when it happened. I saw this boy, whom I will not be naming, and I listened to him sing. I felt nothing much at the moment, but I couldn’t get the song out of my mind all day. Up until that moment, I had had a weird attitude towards music where I’d only listen to female singers. My ‘boys have cooties’ phase, I guess you could say. But this one, he was the first one I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I felt like I could listen to his voice 24/7. I’ve had that feeling hundreds of times by now, but I hadn’t before then. So I figured, this must be what a crush means, right? This must be what all my peers are talking about. The next day, I confided in a girl from my class with whom I was kind of friendly (though not actual friends, I’d say). I asked her if she’d seen the show, if she knew this person. She said yes and we kind of gushed about the song together, and I felt normal for a couple of minutes. I never knew the difference between my experience and what is considered ‘normal’ until years later.

For the time being, the thought of this special person was what was keeping me alive. I started having visions of him walking with me through the school hallways or sitting next to me on the bus home from school. I knew perfectly well those visions weren’t real, but they made me feel better. Happy. Safe. Seen. Full disclosure: I still have such visions, I’ve had them with different people through the years as my hyperfixations change. My latest one is what has enabled me to deal with some of my worst phobias (and I have a long list of them). I’ve never told anybody what it is, and I won’t be telling because I feel like if I do tell, the vision will not be strong enough to work against my fears. But I’m getting sidetracked again. Sorry for that.

So, I was pretty much obsessed with this guy. He was all I could think about, he was keeping me alive through what was possibly the toughest time in my life to date. So naturally, thanks to my heteronormative, amatonormative surroundings, I was convinced I had a crush on him. In fact, after this experience had lasted about a year, I was sure I was in love. 

Then things changed. I started high school. I found a couple of friends, and the people in my class in general made me feel like I could finally be myself. Be open about what I thought and how I felt. So by the end of the first semester, all 27 people in my class knew about my feelings for this guy. What I didn’t know was that they didn’t know that it wasn’t exactly like I was describing it. Because I wasn’t aware that a straight/ allo person’s idea of being ‘in love’ was different from mine. I was just putting things in words I thought I understood. 

So it came as a total surprise when some people from my class started teasing me about it. It wasn’t malicious teasing, that much I could tell. I had been bullied mercilessly before. What my new classmates were doing was asking genuine questions in a slightly teasing manner. For example, it would be known that my special person had a girlfriend, and so they’d ask me ‘aren’t you jealous’ or ‘do you wish you were that’, or stuff like that. And those questions felt so weird. So stupid. I thought, wait, why would I be jealous? Why would I feel bad about this person who has made me so happy, being happy himself? Why would I want to date him? That had nothing to do with how I felt. I told my classmates so. They gave me weird looks in response. So I started feeling like there was something wrong with me. Like I wasn’t doing that ‘in love’ thing right. Suddenly, I felt like my feelings were being intruded upon. Tarnished, somehow. I had always been aware that my visions were anything but real. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. And all of a sudden, somebody was suggesting that I should want to date this person. Why would I want to date anyone, I thought? Even if it was him. Dating people was awkward. Making physical contact with anyone outside my immediate family made me shudder. It still does, though I can hug some of my closest friends without any negative feelings. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Back to my first time I questioned my experience. I was about 14 at the time (in Bulgaria, high school starts from grade 8, ages 13-14 or 14-15), and, well, I didn’t do much questioning at the time. I just told myself that they didn’t understand my feelings, and I stopped being so open about the topic. 

My hyperfixation on this person lasted long. Longer than any other I’ve ever had to date. Maybe it was because I clung to it like it was what tethered me to my mortal life. But by my final year of high school, I could feel it fading away. I was forcing myself to think about this person, to conjure up the old visions; the song that had started it all was drained of all meaning that it had held for me. I was moving on to other hyperfixations. I felt like I was betraying myself, like I was breaking some sort of unbreakable vow. It was time to face the music. So I let go. I allowed myself to move on. It was kind of made easier by the fact that my special person had changed, too, and had moved on to projects that I could not enjoy due to some triggering content. And I moved on.

Then I joined Tumblr. I discovered some things. Among them was Hellenic polytheism. It had been a while since I’d found my faith in the Hellenic pantheon, but Tumblr was where I found out I was not alone, that there was an existent religion. And step by step, I realised that... I had been projecting Apollo’s presence onto my special person. And my old connection to that person had started fading away when I had realised I believed in the gods.

This explained a lot of things. But there was still the fact that I had never been able to look at another person the way my peers were looking at each other. I had been asked out two or three times during high school. I had rejected those people without even thinking about it. My best friend at the time was a boy and most teachers seemed to ship us together because, well, let’s be real - we were constantly fighting like an old married couple. It took him getting a girlfriend and seeing how happy I was for the two of them for everyone to realise that things between us were, and had always been, purely platonic. And now I was going to uni and I had never had feelings I was apparently supposed to have. 

It was also thanks to Tumblr that I discovered the extent of the LGBTQ+ community. I considered myself an ally at first, and I was a passionate ally, too. I still am nothing but supportive to my fellow LGBTQ+ people of all identities, but it was not until I was 18 going on 19 that I discovered the term ‘asexual’. I knew quite suddenly that this was the term for me. I knew what I was and how I felt. I felt mature enough to know the difference between ‘I’m not experienced enough to know for sure’ and ‘I’ve just never had those feelings, I don’t even know what they’re supposed to be like’. It took a bit longer to find out there was a difference between sexual and romantic attraction, but by the time I was 19, I had proudly labelled myself ‘aroace’. I still feel at home with this label. I am completely open to the possibility that it might change with time, but this is what feels right at this time. 

Fast-forward another couple of years to about 8 months ago. I had always known that I got really invested into stuff - shows, books, hobbies, people - only for that investment to wear off after a time. The timespans varied, but I realised I had experienced this ever since I was in pre-school at least. I didn’t have a term for it, though. And then, all of a sudden, Tumblr started offering me posts tagged ADHD. I could relate to maybe 95% of them. At one point, it felt like whatever algorithm this hellsite operates on was shoving the ADHD posts in my face, as if screaming ‘DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF, WELL, YOU?!!!’ in my ears. So I did some tests. I did a lot of self-reflection. I went to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed in March. I started educating myself on the terminology and found out that what I was experiencing is called hyperfixating. So here I am now.

Here I am now, reflecting back on my experience from 8 years ago, connecting the dots. Realising what it was that I went through, allowing myself to go through it again, with different things and people. I don’t feel the need to cling to hyperfixations anymore because I know that is what they are and I know I can’t keep them forever. Of course, I do feel bad about stopping caring about something that used to be my light and life for a time. I dread the time I’ll get over my current hyperfixation, but I also know it’s inevitable. My ADHD brain needs the change and it happens naturally. And somehow I’m ok with that.

Well, this is it. This is the story of how Tumblr prompted me to discover aspects of myself that have been there for as long as I can remember. What better place to talk about it than Tumblr itself? What better group of people to understand and accept me than my lovely mutuals and followers? If you’re reading this, thank you. For being here, for listening to me, for allowing me to be who I am. You’ve got no idea how happy this makes me, even though I can barely see what I’m typing through the tears. Thank you. 

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 508

I mean, shame on me for allowing myself to get my hopes up that the show might have turned a corner last week. I should know better by now.

At least Young Ian’s back. And Marsali had a nice moment. And that’s about all I have to say about this episode that’s positive. I swear to fuck, this show hates Claire as much as the author of the books does. Where the fuck is the lead protagonist, show? Can she come back? Can she get a story line of her own that’s more than just a random scene every few episodes, please? And can Bree please be given something to fucking do that doesn’t involve Roger, Jemmy or rape? Does Fergus still even live on the Ridge?

But yeah, I guess let’s just all watch the episode twice so our dumb lady!brains can understand that Matt’s stupid silent movie gimmick was actually ~ArT~ and not, you know, a stupidly bad creative choice. Seriously, fuck that guy.

I can’t tell you how much idgaf about watching Roger teach. Also, Bree’s like his students’ age since she was in college too. So really all this bit is doing is to make me skeeved out about their age difference.

“Can you tell me why anyone would go to the trouble of burying one?” he said, condescendingly, like the doucherocket he is. Do not disrespect Young Ian like that, asshat.

“People live and die by their words.” *gestures to the beautiful shitposts on this hellsite* sure jan dot gif.

I already want to fastforward.

Would 100% rather sit through a lecture on suspension bridges than watch silent movies, tbh.

Hate the title card. Hate this whole gimmick.

Hate.

HAAAAATE.

Roger got hanged. Roger was dumb, Buck was an abusive and toxic fuckwad. But still, Roger got hanged and this is how we find out he’s alive and how he was saved?

It should be this big emotional moment. It should make me feel a thing in spite of myself. But nope! Gotta do this fucking silent movie thing. Which is hilariously terrible. And I laughed at it the whole time. In a mean and judgey fashion. What a craptastic creative choice. Whoever’s idea that was is a fucking idiot. *stares at a certain pompous af showrunner*

Ok but for real though, does LJG just like live in North Carolina now? Why is he always around, besides, you know, so we don’t forget he’s a character who exists.

For real though, he lives in Virginia and gets more screen time than fucking Fergus and Marsali who live fucking next door.

At least writing this recap is gonnna be quick and easy since they waste so much time re-showing the stupid silent movie footage.

Yes, I know, they’re trying to show Roger’s PTSD. Which involves flashbacks. And gradually turn it to color once he’s like come to terms with what happened and starts to move forward. But the execution is so bad that the whole arc is wasted because it’s just so poorly done.

Oh hey! A Claire and Bree scene! I love those. Except oh wait, it aggressively fails the Bechdel Test.

I JUST WANT THE FUCKING WOMEN ON THIS SHOW TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO THAT’S COMPLETELY FUCKING SEPARATE FROM THE MEN. ARGH.

Jocasta singing at Murtz’s cairn is a reminder that everyone should check out MDK’s music.

And her wearing the necklace Murtz gave her makes the existence of show!Duncan even dumber. Like oh hey, new husband, don’t mind me, just mourning my dead boyfriend and wearing his jewelry. But it’s totally normal since my niece-in-law still wears her abusive ex-husband’s ring.

Sorry, show!Duncan, but a more pointless character was never included. Show!Duncan wins the prize for most BeCaUsE tHe BoOk dumbassery.

Repeatedly showing what’s basically a snuff film is...a choice.

LJG has no sense of personal space when it comes to the Frasers. And it’s fucking creepy.

Oh look, another scene where all Claire gets to do is comfort someone about a man.

*BANGS FIST ON TABLE* GIVE CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP THE STORY LINES SHE DESERVES.

Jemmy aged like 3 years in the 3 month time jump.

Ok, I totally get why Roger hadn’t spoken yet. But once he did, the seal was broken. Not talking after he yelled to stop Jemmy, even a little bit, is just a dick move. Not that he’d be magically better. But he like refuses to even take baby steps.

CAN WE PLEASE GET THROUGH AN EPISODE WITHOUT A MUSICAL INTERLUDE. I FUCKING HATE THE CLEMENTINE SONG.

GRANNIE CLAIRE AND GRANDA JAMIE ARE MY FAVE.

OMFG AN ARROW. THAT CLEARLY MEANS...YOUNG IANNNNN!!!!!

So glad he’s back. So fucking glad. Yes, it means one more character to dilute how much time we can spend with any given person, but it’s a character that I like so hopefully he takes away from some of the time given to ones I don’t like?

Aaand Roger can’t even bring himself to try to talk to the guy who gave himself up in his place. Fuck Roger.

Claire does a better job at first than Jamie at picking up the vibes Young Ian is putting off, but like, for two people who are supposed to be emotionally intelligence, neither of them do a good job at first of really *seeing* Ian.

John Bell is really good in this episode.

Omfg Marsali has tarot cards. She’s like leaning full on into being the white witch’s apprentice and I fucking love her so much.

Also, the Hanged Man card is representative of self-sacrifice and martyrdom rather than like being actually hanged as a punishment. But whatevs.

Ok I think the reason Jenny yelling at Jamie to snap out of it in S3 bugged me where this scene with Bree yelling at Roger doesn’t is because sibling dynamic is completely different than spouses where both of them have gone through something unimaginable.

That he can’t even say anything here. Or give her any kind of sign that he’s still in there is a dick move. He *can* speak. He knows that now. So does everyone else. He’s actively choosing not to. Even to say that he just needs more time to work through his shit. No one’s asking him to be a chatterbox and totally back to normal.

Young Ian just sitting there while everyone else does grace is literally me at every family holiday.

Oh look, a wild Fergus appeared!

Ok, I never got the surveying thing. Wouldn’t the land already be registered? Since they were given the paperwork and shit for it from the governor? I know there was some bit about it in the book about keeping it after the Revolution but like, who the fuck else are they registering it with that would make a difference? The gov’t is still the English gov’t?

“But there are things you keep hidden from others. You and Claire both.” Ok, can he please be talking about time travel? I mean, I know he’s talking about his wife and their miscarriages, but I just want someone else to know about time travel already please and thank you.

HOW THE FUCK IS MARSALI STILL PREGNANT?! SHE’S BEEN PREGNANT FOR LIKE A FUCKTON OF TIME.

Fuck yeah not-Catholic-anymore-Ian. No grace, talking about the creator in a way that isn’t explicitly the christian god. Good job, kid.

My parents called me to say happy easter and I had to be like, uh, you remember that I don’t celebrate that, right?

Happy Zombie!Jeebus Appreciation Day to all the still christian people. And happy chance to have fun with burner zoom accounts named Elijiah to the jewish folks.

Jokes aside, the scene with Young Ian and Marsali was really nice and Marsali remains a fucking saint. It’s nice that Young Ian has someone who like actually gets what it’s like to find a home in a group of strangers.

Oh Claire, think more highly of your assistant. Also, what a clunky fucking way to be like oh hey, one of the emo!bros is gonna try to off themselves.

Ok but with the paper airplane now too, can we please show Young Ian finding out about time travel? Please?

Ok, but Claire automatically jumping to Roger wanting to off himself with her herbs... It’s making me judge both of them a little that neither picked up on just how clearly Young Ian was suffering. Like come the fuck on, y’all. It wasn’t subtle.

Also, can we please have more Adso?

SOMEONE GIVE YOUNG IAN A HUG! NO, NOT YOU, ROGER! SOMEONE GOOD!

Yada yada yes they both have been through something shitty and call me a biased asshole, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything about Roger and I feel all the things about Young Ian.

So Roger won’t talk when his wife begs, but he’ll talk when someone calls him on his bullshit. Cool. Cool cool cool. Nice dude.

NO ONE WAS ASKING FOR THE OLD ROGER, YOU TWATWAFFLE. THEY WERE ASKING FOR *A* ROGER. INSTEAD OF A ZOMBIE.

Again, there’s more to that tarot card than a literal hanged man, but whatever, show.

Oh thank fuck the episode is finally over. Expectations are back down in the gutter for the rest of the season. Please pleasantly surprise me, show, but I will not make the mistake again of thinking you’re actually gonna be consistently good again.

[savage-rhi]

Pssssssst talk about some of your favorite mutuals, how you found them, What makes them special to you? Btw CONGRATULATIONS!!! 👍👍👍👍

Nonny, you opened up pandora’s box and there’s no fucking going back! Also THANK YOU! I got a long way to go, but knocking that dental test out of ze way was great! 👍

@argetlam007 I love their personality and charm and I admire the photo edits they’ve made of Death Stranding along with the awesome Higgs audio! Overall, cool person, great presence to have, and friendly AF! 

@chloe-3-price This sweet little turtle dove is a phenomenal fanfic writer! She helped give me pointers on some of my smut fics, and is one of the sweetest peeps this site has to offer. I love talking to her when I get the chance. She’s got an interesting life! 

@lucyfer-thorn Sweetheart, and offers great feedback. I love reading their reactions when I drop my fanfic updates. They are terrific to be around!

@mcbacondaddy A cool peep with a lot of sass and wit! I haven’t spoken much in a while, but their writing is so damn good. The details are insane. Like–how do you get to that?

@ruinerofcheese I love this little shit, okay? A great person, always seems to have a funny thing to contribute to a post. Every time I see them on the dash, I light up. 

@imagineleonkennedy I’ve known this babe for several years now, and though we haven’t talked in a while, I admire and send love their way. She was one of my first fanfic readers when I was writing a long Resident Evil story and she’s partially the catalyst for why I kept going and why I returned to writing drabbles and such. I don’t think I would have pursued writing like I did have it not been for her. 

@faegrifted Okay, this peep is still fresh to me, but so far their personality is fucking cute. Like I couldn’t ask for a better person to liven up a dashboard. They give really good feedback on my writing in the tags and I love their ideas they’ve sent my way. 

@ruvik-royal-sunflower A very strong person who I look up too. They got some great content on their blog, and I love the shit out of them for reblogging most of my drabbles. It goes for many people, but I get a lot from them. 

@disneymarina A little positivity sprite spirit that I love getting the chance to talk to when I’m not busy! She is very giving and selfless. 

@starivaille THIS, THIS ADORABLE LITTLE SHIT RIGHT HERE. THE ONE THAT COMES INTO MY HOUSE AND SLAM DUNKS ME WITH NEW IDEAS AND FEELS ON MY OWN DAMN FICS. THIS LITTLE BUTTON IS GRAND. Seriously, great artist, and a great writer. Check out their work! 

@troy-the-beastmaster Has the cutest little spaghets in the entire world (snakes!) and sends in awesome drabble requests! 

@chiralcrystallization Awesome Death Stranding blog, and an energetic peep that has thrown some great drabble ideas my way. Check em out! 

@crystaldwightsworld A Leon Kennedy fan and a Higgs Monaghan fan? Kills two birds with one stone in my book! Always has something cool on the dash! 

@nemodoren THIS MOTHER FUCKER RIGHT HERE IS A TALENTED ARTIST AND I FUCKING LOVE THEIR OC KHAIO HMMKAY? Please for the love of gods, check out their Death Stranding art! You won’t be disappointed! I’m in awe every time they whip something out. 

@dominionovershadows I love this gal because she’s been with my blog for years. One of the few rp people I have left on this hellsite. She’s got amazing ideas, and her writing material is stellar. I recommend approaching her if you ever want to rp! 

@thewriterandmuse A wonderful person with cool ideas. I love how laid back they are. 

@hismrsalbertwesker Another peep that has been on the bandwagon with me for some time. She’s a terrific person, and someone I look up to. Been through a lot, but she’s getting to the good. 

@yancy-trash I adore this peeps presence and think they have a lot of potential. I love their contributions to fandom things!

@fridgesama I don’t know if we are following each other? But either way, I like their content and think they’re a great individual! 

@partypede This peep sent me one of the first fanart pieces of my fanfic SOA and I love how flipping nice they are. 

Edit: Gonna give a shout out to @sadunacc for being a great supporter and for making my day with their comments!

Honest to gods, there are way too many people to list. I hope no one feels excluded and left out, that’s never my intention but realistically I can’t list everybody in one go. 

I have something nice to say about everyone I follow. It’s great knowing all of you, and I hope this makes anyone reading this feel welcome to get on the bandwagon and have some fun with us all 💙

[onychaos]

Observing Tumblr bugs

So I did some more work digging and observing around on tumblr wondering why posts are missing in on dashboard search tags, since you know? You have the power to search for terms in a post or tags on the dashboard. I also noticed that some posts don’t show up at all..

UPDATE 2/13/2020: Gonna update this post. As a warning, retweets of the post don’t have updated info

So, for WordPress when post don’t show up, you would change the date the post was made (The current time and date) and it would be added back to WordPress search where everyone can see it.

With WordPress, It’s a very easy fix to deal with. Not really a problem when you think about it.

Now with Tumblr, Dear lord. I can kinda see why Tumblr is seen as a hellsite.. Mainly for the issue, the site breaking search engine. It’s a mess..

So, for tumblr, it’s very different. Things I noticed.

A notice: Should go without saying but if your blog and posts are adult themed and not meant for anyone but adults, your posts will never show up. You can show a like of things but porn is a no go here.

1. There are some tags on Tumblr that will show your post for 10 mins+ before removing the post from the tags recent tab. If your post is popular (I.E. 3 notes or more) It will still show up there.

The tags I know where this happens is the tags “Twitter”, “WordPress” Let me know if you know of any other tags that act like this.

1.2 There are times when your post has 5 main tags but they won’t or don’t show up in search or tags. Retagging works in some cases but most of the time, it does not work.

2. Sometimes when you have 5 tags you want your post to be found in dashboard search, they just don’t show up. Sometimes if they showup, they show up on a new post (i.e. Re-upload) with the same tags will fix the problem.

2.1 Please remember this, as it may be another reason. If you have links in your post that are blacklisted, remove them. I can not say if having blacklisted links after the URL ban dropped may affect your post in the future or not.

Tags make it easier for readers to find posts about a specific topic on your blog. For instance, you could tag your landscape photographs with #landscape or posts about your butler with #butler. Tagging your posts is as easy as you’d expect. When you create a post, enter the tags in the field at the bottom of the post form.

Tips:

You don't need to put a tag in quotes or start with a hash symbol (#).

Hit enter to separate each tag.

Only the first 20 tags on a post will show up in searches. After that, you’re just tagging for show.

Tags on Tumblr can have spaces in them. They are the most legible tags on the internet. Hooray! - Tagging your posts

3 It also seems the URL ban + being able to search posts for terms in the post or tags has had a weird effect on posts. Reblogs don’t count, as they only show up on your blog and not searchable

I was looking in a part of tumblr called “tags not working” and I’m not the only one with this issue. Some post seems to suggest the election day and/or tumblr tag system is broken (No shock about it being broken)

Search for multiple tags or terms

To search for multiple tags or terms, all you have to do is use the right syntax. For example:

picnic lunch - returns posts with the terms “picnic” and “lunch” anywhere (e.g., #picnic basket, or #lunch break, or a post using the word picnic).

#picnic lunch - returns posts with the #picnic lunch tag.

#picnic #lunch - returns posts with both #picnic AND #lunch tags.

There is a 4th option that a user or bot may have reported your post for spam or  mass Automation by a user/bot. (If you post too much) If you use tags that someone thinks is not fitting for a post of yours or if you used any import tools to upload posts from one site to Tumblr. You may fall under this rule..

What I can assume is that Tumblr system for keeping spam like post out of search + the URL ban + being able to search posts by terms / any tags has hit a great number of posts made by users..

If that is the case, you have to re-upload the post to see in search or find it by terms.

I will talk about this later..

And there is a 5th option which I can’t prove to be true or false.. I have heard the porn bots that like or retweet your posts is another reason to why your posts may not show up in search / tags but can not prove this but something to keep in mind..

If you have a secondary blog account on your main that posts or reblogs adult things, be careful, I can’t say how much this may or may not affect you since there no way to test this but keep that in mind

I don’t know if adult blogs that like / reblog your posts will affect you or not.

There is one last option.. And this is a very extreme case.. but..

If your posts aren't appearing on Tumblr-wide tag pages, it might be because your blog is pretty new and we need to make sure you’re not a robot or a spammer.

Make sure you’ve verified your account via the email we sent when you joined Tumblr. Once you’ve used your account for a while (and done normal, human things with it like follow other blogs and like or reblog posts), your posts will start appearing on tag pages.

If you are a robot or a spammer, you should visit our article about account deletion.

On the help center page for Troubleshooting tags. The post I quoted worries me. There could be a chance your account is marked as a robot or a spammer. If, at that point happens.

You have 2 options. 1. Contact Tumblr support and tell them your problems and pray to god that they do something to help out, and hope they don’t send a automatic response which can amount to “we will try to do something but won’t“

2. Backup your blog, make a new account and re-post everything there by hand, and let your followers know of the new account. Your current account may be marked as a spammer account or a robot.

So… How do you get your post to show back up on Tumblr Dashboard search with the power to search for terms and any tag on your post, and tags that are after the 5th tag on posts?

ANSWER: Re-upload the post or posts that is not showing up in tags or is no longer searchable on Tumblr Dashboard. It’s the only current fix to the problem for why posts are no longer showing up in tags / searched by terms

Update:  

treygocray said: onychaos HEY! I got it to work. Delete all your tags on the photo and re-tag it. Mine worked so I thought I’d share! :D

This does work but if the post didn’t have a banned link. This is worth a shot but be warned that your post may fall under the 5 tag or less rule.

end update

For users who only reblog or like, this will not affect you. But those who don’t reblog and make posts, this affects us greatly. When our posts can’t be seen by other users besides followers.. I don’t man, not feeling it since most followers may / are no longer active.

Since the dashboard search engine is awful and tumblr @staff don’t seem to want to fix this issue or know how to fix the issue. This is the only way from what I tested.

If you have this issue but don’t want to re-upload posts to fix it. You have to go by the 5 tags can be searched, and you can’t term and your posts may or may not show up in tags. I could be wrong but I know there are people who don’t want to use a wrong around for this bug if you got more then 50 posts.

You can test to see if your posts are searchable by making an empty tag that has never been used, ever. Then go to mass post editor and add the empty tag as the 6th tag to 30 or 20 posts at a time and search the said tag.  If your posts that you tagged with the empty tag show up in that tag under the “most recent” search and not tagged.

A empty tag (Your username) seems to be able to hold 40 or 20 of your posts at a time. That’s why it is best to do 20 or 10 to test them. You may need to wait a bit as there is delay for posts to show up. Or you can add the empty tag to 3 of your post as the 6th tag or anything after the 5th tag works.

However, if the tag being used is brand new or barely used it can affect some post from what I tested.

Brand new tags (Never used aka no posts in the tag) Can hold 40 of your posts.. Sometimes it can hold more?

non-empty tags (Tags that get used once in a while) Can hold 3 posts and there is a post delay

Very active tags can hold 3 post but if you post a lot, your older posts in a tag will be hidden after a fourth post is made but will show back up after a week or so. Sometimes Tumblr may break and the post might not show back up if hidden and you probably have to reupload it or re-tag?

If you see the post in most recent or popular search, your posts can be found by terms / any tag but this is me just observing and testing about 20 posts

Now should say this. New tags that never been used can hold 40 of your posts sometimes more? But this is if you are trying to search by term and not tags

This means users can search for your posts by tags and tags after the 5th tag as well or terms in your posts on tumblr dashboard. (That is good, very good)

Because I tried to bring my posts from WordPress to Tumblr via a defunct import tool named wp2tumblr and as a result of my post falling under these  rules of spam here what I took note of.

Posts that don't show up or can not be seen working well in tags or at all and not coming up in the search terms. Out of 147 posts.  only 113* of my posts do not show up right in tags or search nor can they be searched by terms or tags (Some tags do not show these post after 2 weeks. You have to wait a week to see them but nothing happens..)

So only 34+ posts can be searched by tag / terms / seen in tags or searched by terms

113 posts have bugged / shadow flagged for spam / search from the effects of using wp2tumblr to import my wordpress posts to tumblr..

Only way to fix this is by re-uploading the post to allow it to be found in tumblr tags and search terms.

Again, if you don’t see your post show up in search or tags, you will need to re-upload the posts in question.

And for me, I hate having to re-upload posts to have them be seen again but I will have to do it if I want my posts to be seen. Even if that means re-uploading my rants, vents, talking about users, and other things. So you will be seeing me upload some posts that may be 2017 or 2018 related.

Your followers may or may not be annoyed with you as a heads up if you re-upload posts to fix this issue.

And even if you do this, there is no 100 % plan yet or there is a chance someone may see you re-upload a post as spam.. Or the post may not show up later

But I thought I share what I have been observing how things been working on tumblr. If anyone has a better way of dealing with this, let me know.

Because when you make a new post, it is seen in tags / search. And it is searchable be terms or tags after the 5th tag

Again, if your post is not showing up in tags, re-upload the post in question and it will be back in search to be seen by everyone

However, another issue came to me. If you reupload the post it can be found in search and by terms.. now however If you edit/delete the tags when having more then 5 tags on the post and go down to 5 or less. 

Your post may fall under the 5 tags or less rule and may also lose the right to search for that post by terms but something to look out for.

Update: It seems some of my new posts are not searchable by terms anymore.

I contacted Tumblr Support but got a fast reply but it was a copy and paste. I don’t know what Tumblr Staff is doing but it’s anything but helpful.

Here a list of my posts that got hit or don’t show up.. I added clear to the post name meaning it works / shows up. I need to look at all of them. I have since deleted some old posts so this list is outdated and this is not all of the posts yet..

Some post below don’t have the right name but keep that in mind

Nothing important below. :3

my plans for 2017 - clear 12:20 AM 12/11/2019

a new discord server archive it - 11:16 PM 12/10/2019

Twitch channel updates - archive it 11:16 PM 12/10/2019

Sonikchan update archive it - 8:08 PM 12/10/2019

Updates for Sonikmage twitch archive it - 8:08 PM 12/10/2019

Sonik muffins - clear 7:34 PM 12/10/2019

Future Update archive - 4:13 AM 12/11/2019

Shutting down Sonikmage twitter archive - 12:21 AM 12/11/2019

My little guide to streaming archive - 4:13 AM 12/11/2019

New twitch streams archive - 4:14 AM 12/11/2019

Twitch rant

mini twitch rant

one trick pony archive - 4:14 AM 12/11/2019

Sonic adventure SX 2018 clear - 12:02 AM 12/11/2019

how I been feeling

game progress

sonic speed R 2018

update log 6

The Tumblr purge

game dev update 2

game overhaul

kyle and lucy

Tumblr purge 2

Done with Pangya

Tumblr purge AM

Last speedrun to do

Twitch and youtube let's play

srb2 teleport

Sonic beta clear - 3:35 PM 12/11/2019

twitter rant

facebook update

srb2 update

Speedruns I plan to do clear - 10:03 AM 12/15/2019

Second Discord channel update

how to use twitter

Thoughts on SXSW

Thoughts on Sonic Speed 2017

What's next for me?

Thoughts on Pangya celebrity

Thoughts on Pangya celebrity big ann clear - 8:58 PM 12/17/2019

Thoughts on speedrunners

Why do you stream?

New personal discord channel update 3

Sonic adventure 2 livestream

New thoughts on Pangya c

A side project

Mini server update +

sonik rp story clear - 10:05 AM 12/15/2019

another twitch rant

birthday livestream

my thoughts on spinball

The future for sonic 1 hell

Zelda shine hunting

Sonic Forces custom character

Revio shutting down

new personal discord server clear - 9:32 AM 12/15/2019

SRB2 forfeit rules clear - 9:30 AM 12/15/2019

my forum

moving out update

duel link replays

Mario Maker 2 experience

My Tumblr experience

Gave Pangya debug one last shot

Frozen Snowman Land - clear 9:30 AM 12/15/2019

Images of my fan game

venting about video games

changes and moving forward

sadx question

Playing duel links on twitch

Hyper's quest 2

video of srb2 kart

srb2kart rainbow road

mini update about my posts clear - 9:31 AM 12/15/2019

levels i forgot

srb2kart darkvile garden

tumblr theme bugs clear - 9:32 AM 12/15/2019

SRB2Kart final fall

Beaten nep

Zelda BOTW master mode stream

My review sonic spinball

streams this weekend

Why I dislike twitch fight streams

Thanks for watching

A long vent / rant

A message to a friend

Cyberscore review

What I done in 2 months

Youtube planned let's plays

My goals for 2018

Final post on speedrunning

Clicker heroes 2 thoughts

final Pangya c post

Chaos realm race nights

My CyberScore Ideas

New Start

Sonic Gather Battle

Pantufa the cat dx review

SRB2 review

Dungeon Souls revisit

Sonic R review

update log

my new server updates

Sonic World R8 review

Pangya C tea time

Sonic and Shantae 2017 demo

Sonic ages 2017

Update on Sonic hell

Sonic Forces review clear - 3:51 AM 12/12/2019

Battle for the internet act 3

game mode ideas

New changes for this year arc - 2:57 AM 12/12/2019

Sonic Mania delay archive second account -

rant: twitter archive

2 rants for the price of one

Twitch bits

Sonic Mania stream today archive - 4:44 PM 12/11/2019

SRB2 testing clear - 9:29 AM 12/15/2019

Sonic Grand Adventure clear - 10:03 AM 12/15/2019

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 333

Golden Time/Can You Hear Me?

“Golden Time”

Plot Description: Sam’s efforts to help Eileen include a trip to Rowena’s old place, where and ambush awaits. Castiel goes it alone as he works the case of a missing boy

(I thought Eileen was DEAD dead)

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I don’t know if she’ll die but I hope she does. *I* wouldn’t trash Rowena’s residence (end of sentence…but I also wouldn’t do it and expect to live). Yeah. She’s dead. I’d be ok

Cas is goin by Clarence again 🥺

Eileen got dragged to hell by the hellhound that killed her…ok…but like…i can’t remember if that’s a new rule from Chuck or whatever because they’ve definitely taken a soul from hell to send to heaven before. They rescued Bobby, why can’t they do the same for Eileen?

What IS goin on with Dean? His nihilistic attitude is irritating

They were so cute and deserved more than they got (San and Eileen)

Oh are there witches keeping an eye on this place? But like, in a bad way

Not to bring in Stranger Things but this woman whose son is missing and her relation to the town is very much giving Winona Ryder’s character

Sam! No!! You cannot possibly be proposing bringing Mary back again! One, you KNOW she’s happy in heaven and two, you’ve still just clearly never watched fullmetal alchemist. OH!! Bring EILEEN back. That’s a lot better, for arbitrary reasons.

Ah fuck. The ambush. One of the witches looks vaguely familiar but apparently we’ve never seen her

This mom is really testing Cas’s patience

Yeah, just looking at Emily, I can tell her sister (and probably mother, too) didn’t like her (Omg the actress was Bree in the Twilight series…she apparently was also in an episode in 2006)

They found her son! Oh and the sheriff is behind it all. Cas stabbing him to death was unnecessarily attractive

This best be three on three. Where are you Eileen?

Oh, no. Poor Emily 😭 I get that she was gonna kill Sam but she was a victim of her mother and sister’s abuse and deserved a longer life

Can a ghost choke out another ghost?? Neither are alive nor need to breathe

Why is your power fading, Cas??? I hate this

Castiel being at all happy makes me worried, and that sucks (12 more episodes til THE one)

I’m glad they at least allowed her to wrap a towel around herself before Sam turned around

Dean being proud of Sam and Sam needing Dean by his side to defeat god 🥹

(Ok but like I’m glad we got some explanation for why people were saying Sam ended up marrying Eileen off screen in the finale)

“Can You Hear Me?”

Plot Description: a cry for help from across the stars. Terrifying creatures in 1380 Aleppo. And in Sheffield, something is infecting people’s nightmares. The Doctor and friends investigate

That felt very first five minutes of a Supernatural episode, not Doctor Who

Does Chris Chinball not trust people to write their own episodes??

Oh, Doc. She doesn’t want to be without her friends for more than a few moments 😭 she wants to skip straight to tomorrow

Why’s Ryan’s friend need like five locks on his door?

Girl, who are you talking to?? Oh she just automatically assumes her companions are with her

Oh it’s like an especially jacked werewolf but weirder. HER SCREWDRIVER ISNT PICKING UP A SPECIES AT ALL??

I thought their nightmares were supposed to be invaded, they’re fully awake

Oh, Ryan’s friend is having the nightmares…and he’s seeing the dude from his nightmares all over the place. The locks make sense now

Yaz’s sister is an icon and a hero. I don’t care that she’s been fired from her last three jobs, sometimes customers need to be told they’re annoying. And she wasn’t afraid to tell them

What are Yaz and her sister…not celebrating but acknowledging with this dinner and a movie? I hope we get told

Oh that’s the guy from the TARDIS, and I’m sure that’s also the guy Ryan’s friend has been seeing in his nightmares

I didn’t know that guy ate an offshoot of the chop chop fruit! Still…I prefer Buggy to this creep, and it seems he can only remove his fingers and…do…something…

It’s not all the time that the Doctor takes someone from a time much much earlier than ours far into the future and to a different galaxy altogether

What if—I got really distracted by the fingers covering so much of this place. I have a bad feeling about the girl Graham wants to save, but that might be my previous experience this evening with ambushes

So this dude can create your worst nightmares if he sticks one of his fingers in your ear. Gross

Seems we’re getting bits and pieces of what Yaz and her sister were acknowledging in her nightmare

Ryan is getting flashbacks from orphan 55 combined with his friend guilting him for not being there

And of course Graham has Grace angry he didn’t save her while also being told he’s sick and dying

What the fuck did that girl do to this guy that he’s torturing her with EVERYONE’S nightmares?!

Ah, fuck. I knew she shouldn’t have been freed. All of what this dude did was a ruse to get the Doctor to free the more powerful immortal…these two bet each other on who could cause more death and destruction on two innocent planets?

Again with the finger to the ear 😑

Yeah, I figured hers would be about Gallifrey (and to a lesser extent I thought it would be about this subtle timeless child plotline)

I love Ryan so much. He had ZERO tact telling his friend where they were and how they got there. Fantastic

Interesting how the guy wants to immediately gorge on nightmares and she wants to savor them

I’m less and less impressed with his power especially after seeing her smoky tendrils collecting nightmares

Oh damn!! They managed to trap the immortals by using the girl from Aleppo’s nightmare creatures and the guy immortal’s fingers

Something is going to happen to this woman who’s come to help bring Yaz back home, isn’t it? Maybe not…why was this THE nightmare for Yaz?

This is literally the first time 13 has had this kind of one on one emotional conversation with a companion, and it’s Graham

I WISH we were gonna go see Mary Shelley, but that probably won’t happen

[kaoarika]

I was selected to test the new beta Tumblr design in one of my side account blogs (hence, not this one), and I’m... a bit mixed up.

Like, I know it’s still beta. There’s stuff that the staff (pre-Verizon, at least) have been wanting to implement for years, while there’ a bit of stuff that the users may have wanted for YEARS (and extensions like Missing e or xkit have provided as alternative tools for it... but, as always, this hellsite is never going to go functional as the ppl behind those extensions (still) wanted this to be).

Basically, Tumblr wants desktop Tumblr be like Mobile Tumblr, and we all know the mobile app is a mess already.

My issues in functionality are mostly... “why they want this to be like the mobile app”, lol, and “why the ppl in the design team ASSUME everyone have screens that are over 1366x768″ and we all need big font sizes (same issue in Twitter, but at least they give you the choice to reduce the font size).

The mobile experience is not something I have. I have always been a desktop user since day one (and I was a late smartphone adapter), and I am not all day online in my social media. 

So, Endless Scrolling is definitely not my idea of fun back in the day (I mean, thanks tumblr purge, at least you did something good and killed my dashboard activity EVEN more) - because I REMEMBER going back to... like, page 25 or 30 when I was absent due to daily school routine. Endless scrolling is “bleh”, like death to me. It doesn’t help that they later implemented the automatic refresh and brought you back to the top of the dashboard. It LOOKS they are removing this silly “feature” no one liked, though... but now we have those loathed mobile gradient loading placeholders for pics that haven’t been loaded yet :).

Opening/Reblogging/Editing posts in the same page is also a no-no in my book. Sorry? That’s what I "open in new tab” is for. It alters the flux of my dashboard and the time I take looking at the posts if I can’t do that. 

Sure, it looks like you can delete and edit your posts more quickly and on point... but... uhm...

Other thing I didn’t like, the tags. I still see the tags, thank god, they are also implementing that tag crawler thing from LABS... but I would prefer them taking me to the tag page itself in DASHBOARD (you know, the “/tagged/whatever-fill-the-blank-here” ones) than the blogger’s tag page instead. Especially because tag pages and search stuff is still malfunctioning in the blog’s side/mobile-esque sight, so you cannot see everything in there? I mean... I MEAN, I still access those if I use the URL bar, but clicking right and open new tab or whatever was a good option to do so *sigh*.

I do think there are a few positives... but I wish they could improve them a bit more. Seeing stuff in thumbnails in tag pages is nice (hopefully they respect blacklisted stuff?) and as well in Likes pages... but it’s still the same “dashboard’s endless scrolling” issue and it gets annoying too fast. Imagine wanting to scroll down for posts that are from months ago in a popular tag you wanted to visit or if you are trying to clean your likes’ page... EXACTLY my point.

I MEAN, in paper, not a bad idea... but it’s... hum. Kinda wishing they could do the same (with improvements, obviously) with the Archive page... after it got updated, it’s more annoying... and I REALLY wish a pagination would be implemented there (or just let me see the gdm month I selected, don’t go bck FURTHER). Same could be said when you are looking at your posts in dashboard. REMEMBER how annoying it already was when this hellsite never TOLD you which posts were flagged and you had to go WAAAAAAAY back into your dashboard to see what was flagged? AND sadly, your blog is over 5 years old and you are already in the 30k+ posts’ mark? YEAH. Me too.

The dashboard themes. OH, the dashboard themes. This is a thing that I have seen using xkit for with scripts since god knows when and, at least they are implementing predetermined ones, like a dark mode one (which was already available in mobile, so... ymmv if it was time or not... it really does look like they are giving the mobile users more priority than basic desktop users as myself.

But some colors and choices are eyesoreing (I only got the “haha, cybernetic/matrix” one joke and “ah,,, ye old tumblr times... pre purge, at least, color”, but the light colors... :T).

All this, and it too late... post-purge, post-Wordpress ownership... *sigh* what can I say, really. I don’t think they are making more users go away... but, you know...

My only objection is - they are testing this new design... YET, they haven’t fixed their gdm VERY flawed and VERY useless flagging system... pr0n bots are still on rampage... I mean... CAN WE FOCUS ON THAT FIRST TO MAKE THIS SITE MORE USEFUL?

[simplelinesunfashiond]

Highway to Hellsite

Because @abalonetea low-key encouraged me to finish an AU scene despite not knowing what it was, and @idreamonpaper and @drabbleitout actually encouraged this weirdness at one point, and I have no willpower when it comes to both spoiling and embarassing the hell out of Jackson Alistair Lewis. A short non-magical AU about blogging and your obvious crush on a celebrity going viral.

Jackson Alistair woke to the sound of his phone obsessively buzzing in his ear. He moved, stretched, felt something pop in his back and slowly lowered himself back onto the pillow, blinking at the ceiling for far longer than he supposed he really needed to. He had some things to consider, though nothing so much to worry about, he thought. He had survived the gala, uploaded a decent number of shots, and, overall, not completely flopped at his first press event. Good. It all faded out, a little, in comparison to the real reason he was even invited. Being the administrator of the first known DawnShadow fan page wasn’t much for a marketing resume, but damn if it wasn’t good for getting in close with DawnShadow’s marketing team when the band reformed and started catching on. So, maybe his interests hadn’t been one hundred percent professional.

The event certainly had been, at any rate. A fundraiser, a big deal. He hadn’t actually known much about the organization up front, just that it was run by the founder of a network of medical facilities. He knew who that man was, though. And he knew who that man’s second-in-command on his medical staff was. And if there was one thing that was bound to get Nathaniel Ettonridge out into the world, it was his crazy-genious daughter. Even if the band hadn’t been contracted to perform at the more public part of the event (which, thank whatever powers, they had), Nat would be sure to make an appearance. And what an appearance it had been, though the tailored coat was nothing compared to the guitar god on his arm. There had always been rumors, but this was…Well, whatever it was, it felt important. Maybe just because he'd spent so long looking at ancient pictures and wondering, but...maybe not that, really.

The phone buzzed again, and he finally bothered to look at it. A lot of new notifications, more honestly than he’d expected – in fact, suspiciously many. And a few messages from Sydney, who hadn’t dragged herself clear across the country just to watch him snap pictures at an event she wasn’t actually invited to. Understandable. The messages were about what he expected. How was the event, was it exciting meeting everyone, how did he end up getting on stage? And then, a little bit of a different one.

“Did you bring anyone back with you? ;)”

Of course not, and what sort of strange question was that? He asked her as much.

“I’m just teasing. But we’ve talked about this. You can tell me anything. I did figure it was probably a joke, though…” A joke? What was a joke? After a minute of him not answering, another alert snapped him back. “…” And then another. “You haven’t seen it yet?”

He flipped on instinct back to the notifications. A lot of new traffic, likes, reblogs, retweets, notes from all over the series of pages he’d been maintaining across their different platforms. And then, before all that, the ominous truth of the matter.

“Kim ‘at’ed me in something?” he asked, out loud, and then paused to consider the odd sensation of trying to say “@” out loud. What was more, it was a post from another blog, someone he had met the night before. He paused, thought about it before he even attempted to open it, and couldn’t recall anything that had occurred between him and Sarra being interesting enough to go viral. Finally, he went to her account, and stared for a long moment at the odd gradients that served as placeholders for what must have been a completely unreasonable amount of pictures. He glanced over his shoulder to his laptop, and wondered if it was worth another attempt to connect to the hotel’s terrible wifi. Finally, after far too long, the images began to materialize. He scrolled around a little, not looking, just moving the screen up and down, and wondered in an aggravatingly sincere confusion how someone else’s hellsite post had managed to send that much attention to him not just on said hellsite, but across the board.

He scrolled back to the top.

It had only one line of explanation. “The most interesting thing that happened all night.” And the first picture under that wasn’t one she had taken. It was a screenshot of one of his. And so were a few of the ones after that. And there were a few of her pictures, of him, usually of him taking pictures, of…Well, until he saw them all in one place, he hadn’t realized just how many pictures he had taken of the same person. The first large swath of reblogs were all Sarra, adding more pictures to the string.

People, at first. It was just a very striking image, one he couldn’t possibly pass up. The fact that Dr. Orion Lourandera’s other main celebrity contacts were royalty in the fashion industry, and his own siblings, was too good to be true. At first glance, the twins were almost indistinguishable from each other. Jackson wasn’t totally sure if the garments they were wearing would be considered gowns or coats, but the long gauzy material, all blue and green and teal with glints of gold, trailed to the floor like peacocks’ feathers. The sister was the one with her hair swept up and pinned, the one who never took her sunglasses off. The other, with short hair swept back and impractically high heels, was the brother. At some point, his outermost layer – apparently some sort of jacket – was discarded, to reveal that the rest of whatever sort of couture clothing item that was, was open down most of the back. Intricate scrolling tattoos of very small text ran from the base of his neck down his spine to the small of his back, and Jackson remembered wondering just how close one would have to get to actually be able to read it. He did not, on the other hand, remember just how many pictures he'd tried to get of it. Or how long he'd actually stared while wondering, though that was apparently long enough for Sarra to notice and snap a few pictures of Jackson frozen like a statue with his camera half forgotten as the rest of the guests moved around him. It was a decently long exposure, if the motion blurs on everyone else were anything to judge by.

He finally managed to scroll past the vast swath of his pictures of Anderson Lourandera, with its handful of pictures of himself, before the next section started. This one was all pictures of Jackson, posted by an instagram account he'd never heard of before. Something private maybe? The first one had managed to clearly catch the moment the doorman had IDed him, and how much taller everyone else around him was, and was simply captioned, “Whose baby is this??? Why is he here alone???” with a teary-eyed emoji and a random selection of hearts. The one after was Jackson, as well as a few other camera-wielders, and based on the small lock of blonde hair in the corner of the image, this was a picture that Anderson had discreetly taken over his own shoulder while leaning dramatically on the bar. “These media boys think I'm posing for them. They must never learn the truth. #too drunk for these heels #i will literally fall over #no srsly #someone #stop ogling and help me #dammit."

The captions weren't all exactly coherent, but there were…Well, there were a lot of pictures of Jackson. Including a very zoomed in one of him showing his ID to the bartender. His info had, thankfully, been blurred out, but based on the small excited-looking key smash, whatever had been seen was exciting. Oh, Jackson realized, thinking back to the first picture, the fact that this man had thought he was a child, my age I guess.

And then, there was one of him talking to Sarra, who was pointedly side-eyeing the camera. “Askfbsi I've been caught,” and then a very distraught little emoji.

Then, there were the concert shots. A couple of Jackson in the crowd, looking particularly giddy, and captions pointing it out. Then, a few posts with no pictures, just black, with very over-excited and unspecific captions. And finally, the part where he ended up on stage, himself.

Jackson still remembered the feeling of awe, like a coronation, when the strap of the PRS was lowered over his head, the feeling of the strings under his finger, the mother-of-pearl inlays glinting under the stage lights. Nix, with the same ancient red Fender, cluing him in on the set, testing his knowledge on a couple things. No problem. That's why Jackson was here – he was the guy who knew it all.

It was only screenshots but it was clearly a series of videos. When he got to tear into his favorite solo. The moment of shock he'd hoped nobody had noticed when Nathaniel hit that note in Firebird. Nathaniel daring Jackson to do the vocals for Twilight Angel. People cheered, good-natured but egging him on, until he agreed. Sarra had interjected in the next post to add the link to the full video, with a struck-through comment of “no but for real he was amazing go watch it.”

And, in glorious conclusion, a picture Sarra had taken herself, a panoramic view of the scene, of the over-dramatic rapturous look, head tossed back, laughing out loud, of Jackson killing the last solo in the outro of Visions of Midnight on one edge of the image, and, on the other side, Anderson Lourandera, gaze locked on the stage, skin tinted with a faint alcohol-induced blush. One shining with energy, and with the aid of stagelights, the other a vibrant beacon standing out of a sea of dark suits and satin and velvet winter dresses. It was, Jackson concluded, a very odd scene, and it suggested that people had shown up with the image of a more political event in their minds. That seemed like it should have been important, but he couldn't place why. Couldn't quite care. Found himself forgetting, failing to notice, a little more every time he looked back at the picture. He did manage to notice that the artistry of it put every one of his shots to shame.

A few other comments came up under that, a lot of people gushing about various aspects, and a few repeating the demand to know who this kid was. And then, the conclusion, which had been reblogged back to Sarra's page as well. A screenshot of a select few of the posts from Jackson's “house of light" tag, which had existed long before the gala but which now included a couple of last night's pictures, and a screenshot of part of the House of Light's official blog, including a couple of shots of Jackson walking out in a long-hemmed vintage velvet coat that, now that he thought about it, was actually from HoL. The tags underneath included the phrase “#if you see this #call us.” And that was where the “@” appeared. Kim's commentary read, “Admins for @visionsofdawnshadow and @houseoflight-courtofshadow need to quit being horny on main.”

Jackson stared at it for a long moment, then took a screenshot of the whole thing and, after another minute if hesitation, sent it to Sydney.

“Is this what you meant?” he asked.

“Don't freak out,” Sydney answered. “Besides, like I said, I was already pretty sure nothing happened…”

“Why?”

“Well, I know who you are so…I called? The west coast shop. Mostly talked to Eva. (Cuuute accents, by the way).”

Jackson's brain failed to formulate more than “…,” so that was what he sent her.

“It's no secret they work a lot with the band, so he's heading back east with them.”

…

“Aaand it wouldn't hurt to have an assistant/photographer/model/killer musician on board for that kind of project?”

. . .

“…We sort of figured…you might want the job. She thought maybe you could meet with them before you leave? If you don't want to I can totally call her back!”

Jackson switched back to the page of Sarra and Kim's pictures, stared at that panorama for a minute. Saved it. Looked again. Reblogged it to his own page, added a relevantly embarrassed-looking gif. Wrote back to Sydney, “Just tell me where to go.” Then, a second later, “Also, I love you.”