#god that must be so tasty

[aethersea]

thank you all for having such strong opinions about this, I got more votes than I ever expected! I'm also greatly cheered by how many people think this sounds bizarre but are willing to try it, and how many think it sounds tasty! it is, you should try it :)

notes roundup:

a lot of people are willing to concede that some other fruit (apples, strawberry) tastes good with cheese, so maybe this will too? since that sweet/savory combo is a proven winner? I applaud this lateral thinking

a lot of people think I mean plantains. I do not. I've never really liked them. maybe they're good if cooked? every time I've eaten one I've gone "oh ugh there's something wrong with this banana"

I should have added a pair of buttons for people who hate bananas and/or cheese. failed to foresee that eventuality, that's on me.

the cheese question: I usually use havarti, and in general I'll always choose a very mild cheese so it doesn't fight with the banana, which doesn't have that strong a flavor after all. but I also just don't like sharp cheeses, and I'd never presume to tell people they shouldn't try this with whatever cheese they think would be most interesting.

why is there a brazilian button: I got this from my dad, who used to have it at bob's (fast food chain) in his youth. bob's discontinued it before I ever got to try one there, though it turns out they briefly brought it back for their 70th anniversary in 2022. apparently this is a moderately popular sandwich in the northern part of the country!

@ the two people who suggested a hint of cinnamon or brown sugar: you are visionaries

@beastcouture wait what's a roti bakar pisang keju—

holy shit. alright pack your bags everybody we're going to indonesia

grilled cheese & banana sandwich

you take the bread, you put cheese on it, you slice a banana and put it over the cheese, you close the sandwich. you grill this, maybe in a panini press, maybe on the stove. standard grilled cheese, it's just got banana in there.

[causticflower]

the wild life!desert duo race/species(?)swap situation that @mambodork pointed out and who's post has inspired this. madness

'sugar plum fairy'/vex grian & parrot/avian scar

(thought of adding their 'lives' on their wings but ehhh idk. too many colors for me)

[infriga]

Compilation of Obikawa trying to feed/cheer up/take care of Tokinaga because they're giving me a heart condition

[heathermason1983]

Pasta in salads make me do a sinister little jig

[keferon]

So cybertronians do have a sense of smell right?

After a few days of being stranded in space and doing physical activity, I can only imagine what kind of football locker room nightmare Jazz’s cockpit must smell like. Dude needs a shower bad and I doubt the mecha program packed any soap with his emergency rations.

The good news is Jazz would most likely be the only one bothered by that. Body Oder only smells unpleasant to us because that’s our brains way of telling us to stay away from something hazardous to our health, like disease or spoiled food.

So to Prowl or other Cybertronians, Jazz just generally smells strongly of organic material. Something largely neutral, akin to if you met someone who really smells like penny’s for whatever reason.

So what would smell “bad” to a cybertronian?

Probably things analogous to festering wounds or tainted body fluids. Rust is likely at the top of the list followed by stuff like soldering fumes, paint stripper, dirty oil and burning coolant.

In conclusion, Jazz smells fine, but Ratchet smells like ASS.

Deadlock, holding up Ratchet: “Stinky.”

Ratchet: “Put me down.”

Deadlock, swaying him back and forth through the air: “Stinky bastard man.”

Ratchet: “Put me down or so help me god I will make you meet him.”

LMAO

Oh. Yep. I haven't thought about that before hahahajyjgkgod

On the other hand. I imagine some kinds of engineering smells would be considered tasty. Like. You know how in Animated they often drink oil? I think that old oil would smell bad but fresh one would probably make Deadlock hungry hehe

[darnell-la]

I can't stop thinking about how Logan would be like "yeah those boys are not enough for you you need a man like me to take care of you" pleeeese do a story based on that <3 Love you guys works btw

note: Logan Howlett is an eater.

———

Logan had originally come to y/n’s apartment to drop off dinner. Wade had told him she hadn’t been eating proper food because of her study hours, so he cooked and packed it, ready to foul her up.

When he arrived, he heard noises from the young woman’s room. Two voice. Hers and someone else’s. A man’s. A boy.

He held himself together, understanding that she was young and experimenting. At least she better be. She shouldn’t be dating right now. He won’t allow it.

The man went to turn around and leave, maybe come back in an hour, but he heard a moan. Her moan. “Fuck no,” the man said, changing his mind about experimenting after he heard her with another man.

“Y/n!” The man knocked on the door hard, making the two jump in the bed. “Fuck, that’s Logan — M-My friend’s friend. My friend. J-Just get dressed,” y/n got up quick as well as the boy.

“Goddamnit,” he cussed, angry that he didn’t get to finish after touching y/n for the longest to get her wet. “Can you just like shoo him away or somethin? I’m fucking hard,” the boy said.

“I can’t, he’s like family. And he wouldn’t leave anyway,” she said, making the boy roll her eyes. “Get him outta here or I ain’t comin’ back,” the boy said, making her roll her eyes, but she was also horny now. She needed something.

Y/n cracked the door, hoping to talk with Logan for a quick second before sending him off, but he pushed open the door, causing Y/n to fall back.

“You ain’t comin’ back. Get the fuck out,” Logan snapped at the boy. His attitude was unacceptable. Even his appearance in her room was unacceptable.

“Dude, get out of here — We just got-“ Before he could say anything, Logan grabbed the boy by his collar and pulled him out of her room. “Don’t come back, or you’ll regret it,”

Logan shut the door and then turned to look at y/n who was embarrassed. “Logan, I-“ she went to say but he cut her off. “You what? Fuck boys during your study time?”

“What!? No, I- I mean — Logan, why are you here?” She asked, trying to switch the conversation which made him chuckle. “To give you dinner that you never have time to eat. Now I see why,”

Y/n felt bad. Now Logan knew she didn’t show up on Friday nights because she was fucking some random boy.

“You ditch family for a boy that can’t respect you? Let alone, properly make you wet!?” The man asked, shocking y/n. “H-He does make me wet,” y/n said, not knowing why she would tell Logan that. She just felt defensive.

“Oh, really? You know I can smell ya, Bub. Right?” Logan asked the young lady as he placed her dinner down on a desk before walking towards her. “And you’re already all dried up,”

“Logan that’s- That’s very inappropriate,” she said as she backed up, the back of her legs hitting her bed. “Is it? Then I must be a nasty son of a bitch, because I smell for you every time I’m around you,”

Y/n didn’t know how that got her on her bed, spread open for him, but she was, legs spread and cunt leaking as he stuffed his face in between her legs.

“So fuckin’ tasty. Gotta lick that son of a bitch off of you,” Logan groaned onto her heat as her hands tangled in his hair. “Oh god, Logan,” y/n threw her head back as her bud swole.

“Sweetest pussy that lives, baby. So fuckin’ good,” Logan couldn’t stop eating at her. He lifted a hand up and used two fingers to push at her entrance until he could curl in the right spot.

“F-Fuck,” y/n cried, making him lean back to watch her as he finger fucked her cunt. “You like that?” Logan asked as she nodded, head still leaned back and eyes closed.

“Yeah? Gonna start callin’ me instead of the boys?” He asked her, making her nod quickly. “Yeah, these boys aren’t enough for you. You need a man like me to take care of you,”

Y/n whined as she grinned at his fingers, chasing her orgasm. She was close, and he had just started. He was definitely better than any boy she’d been with. He was even better than herself.

“Give it to me, baby — Cum on my face — Need my face drenched,” the man looked into the girl's eyes and began to cross and roll back.

“C’mon, baby, give it to me — Give it to your man,” Logan kitty licked her bud to give her a better sensation that Wii jot sent her over the edge with a loud moan.

Logan latched his lips around her lips as he continued fingering her, humming into her cunt to get this amazing feeling in.

She tried to push the man off and close her legs, but he kept slapping her hands away and speeding her legs further with his free hand.

“G-God, Logan,” y/n cried out, feeling a bit embarrassed, and he felt it. He slightly loved the idea of her being shy from now on. The animal in him loved the look of a deer in headlights.

[dycefic]

Tom Saves The World

Everyone knows that it’s super-heroes who save the world. They fight the aliens, or the monsters, or the bad guys. And mostly, that’s true.

But not always.

I’m a psychic. The thing is, my range isn’t that great. I don’t have much detail more than about 36 hours out, 48 for something really big. I’d had a nebulous sort of bad feeling for about a week before this one finally hit, and it was big. Something very tough and very supernatural was going to come up out of the harbor of Nova Roma, and the death-toll was going to be high. Crazy high.

I did all I could. I told the Unaligned Supers Job Placement Agency, and they put the word out to everyone on both sides of the Line. The Henchman’s Union don’t like natural disasters any more than anyone else, and they’re often quite helpful against eldritch horrors and stuff like that. Things that don’t hire henchmen and ruin the property values.

The trouble was, nobody big was around. The only really big team of heavy hitters on the West Coast were away dealing with some sort of doomsday cult - I never was clear on what that was about - and Guarde and Dog Fox were out of touch and even Mx Frantique was out of town at someone’s wedding. It was going to happen in less than two days and we couldn’t find anyone to help and I was seriously considering calling in some kind of bomb threat or something to get people away from the docks, at least.

And then, about eighteen hours out, it just… went away.

Which never, ever happens.

My powers might be short range, but they’re reliable. I don’t get stuff wrong, and I hadn’t been able to find any way to prevent what was going to happen, or even been able to identify anyone who could. But someone did. Someone had done something to stop the threat, something that happened literally while I was opening my car door. When I reached for the handle, thousands of people were going to die. By the time the door was open, there was no threat at all.

At first I thought it must have been a ranged thing. Like, whatever I’d been seeing (all those teeth, I saw them in nightmares for months after) had been distracted by something tasty on its way here and gotten off track, that it’d come up somewhere up or down the coast. My range isn’t that big, either. Anything outside about thirty miles might as well be on Mars for all I know about it. So we kept a watch out, and warned the chapters of the Union and the Agency in other cities.

But nothing happened. Nothing at all. I couldn’t explain it, and I was really unpopular for a while. Supers do NOT like people who cry wolf. There’s enough freaky shit we have to deal with without someone panicking everyone with a dire prophecy that fizzles out.

Thank all the gods that Tunny showed up. Nobody’s really sure what Tunny actually is - sentient fish creature, some kind of really mutated human, an alien, or what. She changes her story a lot. But she’s pretty friendly, especially for a twenty-foot-long horror-movie-mermaid-thing with four arms, so when she came into harbor to pick up some supplies a guy from the Agency went out to tell her what I’d seen. I’d gotten a wharf and dock number, so she went down to check.

I don’t think anyone had ever seen Tunny scared before. Her English wasn’t good enough to really explain what she’d found hibernating down there, but it was something very old and very powerful and very dangerous, and if it’d been woken up my vision would just have been the start of the crisis.

She rounded up a bunch of whales to help her move it, once she was sure it hadn’t been agitated and wasn’t likely to rouse if moved carefully. They towed it out before dawn, not wanting to scare the civilians, and when I saw the footage from the helicopter the Union sent up, when I saw how big the swell was, how many whales were pulling, I swear I nearly crapped myself. No wonder I’d been getting hints a week in advance. Somehow we dumbass humans had built a whole fucking city almost on top of some kind of Ancient Old… THING, and eroded the sea-bottom until it was exposed, and if someone hadn’t done whatever it was we’d all have been dead long before Tunny arrived. And not just all as in ‘all of Nova Roma’, it could have taken out half of the continent... or all of it.

It took me years to find out what happened. YEARS. It turned into a kind of hobby, tracking everything that might possibly have come into contact with Wharf 38 on that particular day.  

And what I found, eventually, was a city employee named Thomas Briggs.

I’d found out early on that 38 wasn’t in good repair. Not that bad, but not great. It was old, things were getting a bit saggy in a few places, but there’d been no sign that anything was likely to fall off on the day. It had sat there for a couple of years after the crisis that never happened,, doing its job without problems then been rebuilt without any drama at all.

Entirely, completely, and totally because of Thomas Briggs.

The story, when I finally pieced it together, went like this.

There’d been some project or other to build some sort of high-budget science project over on the other side of the harbor, hanging it off’ve Pier 8, the furthest out on that side. Something about tracking sea-life or ships or something. My conversational English is near perfect, I’ve been here for years, but I don’t speak science nerd in ANY language. It’d all been approved, some university was covering most of the cost, it was all gonna be fine. And it was gonna be over on 8 because that side of the harbor is the shallow end. It’s where the sailboats go. All the big stuff that would block visual sensors and deafen the thing with engine noise was over in the thirties, in the real deep water.

They were almost ready to install the thing when a bunch of rich dudes suddenly got their panties in a bunch over having a big sciency tower thing ruining the view from their yachts, and tried to get it moved.

To, and I’m sure you guessed this, Wharf 38.

Which was completely insane. It wouldn’t be able to do its job over there, it’d be way more in the way, and (although they couldn’t have known it) the installation would definitely have woken up the Thing sleeping by the wharf and we all would have died. But rich dudes with yachts don’t care about that stuff. They’d bitched out and bribed up their friends on the city council, and those friends had done their thing, and the scientists had been left in the dark, and it’d almost gone through. They’d figured to install it right away, so that when the science guys found out it’d be too late and they’d either have to pay a lot to move it or just use it where it was.

Enter Thomas Briggs.

Mr Briggs, Tom to his friends, didn’t give a crap about the yachts or the science. He was a senior money guy for the commercial wharfs, the one who figured out things like how much money they’d take in in a quarter, and what the repair budget should be, stuff like that. He found out about this thing two days before the disaster would have happened, and sat down and did the math.

Then he sent out an email to the guys trying to push this through, and he ripped into them like they’d threatened to knife his mother. I got my hands on that email, and I didn’t understand a lot of it any more than the council guys would have. It was ALL numbers. But at the top he wrote it out in plain English. Pier 8 was new, and rated to handle the weight of the thingy. Wharf 38 was going to be scrapped in a few years, and it was NOT rated for that kind of structure. Pier 8 had plenty of room around it. Wharf 38 was already a tight fit for the big commercial ships, and adding a structure sticking out on one side would block off at least half of the wharf to those ships completely.

Bottom line, putting the thing on Wharf 38 would cost the city hundreds of thousands of dollars more per year than putting it on 8, AND the city would have to eat the cost if 38 collapsed under it which it could easily do, AND the city would have to pay to move it in a couple of years anyway when 38 was due to be rebuilt.

And he cc-ed every important person he had an email address for, including the mayor, the anti-corruption people, and several reporters.

He must have sent that email right when I was opening my car door.

The whole plan collapsed right there, and some people got fired. There was no news story because the whole plan got killed before the reporters even got to the right office. The installation was started on Wharf 8 a few weeks later and I never connected it to a commercial wharf on the other side of the harbor.

One email, and a man who I never could have located in time, a man who had no powers at all, a man who was just conscientiously doing his job looking after the city’s money saved the city, and the continent, and maybe even the world.

Who could have predicted that? Not me, that’s for damn sure.

I can’t deny that I went home and got drunk off my ass that night. Just thinking about how close that had been made my hands shake. One man. One honest man who’d done the math.

I put the word out, once the hangover wore off. What had happened. That Thomas Briggs was the reason we were all alive and everyone better make his life real nice from now on, because he’d done what none of us could do and nobody but the supers would ever even know it.

He’s got a lot of luck coming to him, I can tell you. We don’t forget debts like that.

And I knew that’d freak him out, because honest men don’t like it when people start doing them a lot of favors for no apparent reason, so I tracked him down at the little bar where he likes to have a quiet beer on Friday nights before he goes home. Hell, I was the one who’d gone through it all, back then. I should get to tell him.

I sat down beside him at the bar and looked at him. I saw a thin, small, balding man who looked like he worried too much and didn’t get enough sleep, with lines around his eyes. Yeah, he looked like a man who’d do the math. “Thomas Briggs?”

He blinked at me through his glasses. “Yes? Do I know you?”

“No, you don’t. My name’s Barkhado Omar, and I’ve been looking for you for a long time.” I offered him my hand and he shook it, still looking confused. Which was fair, ‘cause I doubt a lot of seven foot tall Somali women came up to him in bars even when he was young. He’s got to be close to retirement now.

He frowned. “Looking for me? Why?”

I smiled at him. “Tom, let me buy you a drink and tell you about the day you saved the world.”

It’s usually us who save the city, or the world. We have all the intel, all the advantages, all the powers.

But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s someone like Tom Briggs, doing the right thing at the right time and never knowing that he changed the course of history.

Wild, huh?

--

This story is a direct result of me and my ex chatting about how different the entire Marvel Universe would have been if Jean’s first ‘resurrection’ - being found in a life pod under a wharf, IIRC - had happened at like... any other time. Earlier. Later. It would have changed SO MUCH.

And we speculated about how it could happen, how someone just puttering around in middle management might have unknowingly saved countless lives, prevented Madelyne’s corruption, the legacy virus, all of it, just by postponing that particular set of repairs a bit longer.... and I couldn’t resist writing a version of the story in which Tom does, in fact, save the world.

[arc-misadventures]

The Lady’s Next Door

The 'Milf next door' when she says she just going to say 'hi' to that cute blond boy your daughters friends with.

Kali

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: Why do you want to do that, Mom?

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: Why are you dressed like that?

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: Why do you want to talk to, Jaune?

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: Is it because he's a human?

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Blake: He’s just my friend, Mom, he is not another, Adam waiting to happen.

Kali: I just want to talk to him.

Jaune: Hi, Blake. Oh, hi Ms. Belladonna!

Kali: I just want to fuck him.

Jaune: Beg pardon?

Blake: What?!

~~~

Raven

Yang: Hey, Mom, I’m sorry, but can you do me a favour?

Raven: I don’t wanna.

Yang: Mom! Come on! I just need you to watch over my friend till I get back.

Raven: Back, back from where?

Yang: Blake got…?!

Raven: No! Say no more, since it involves your ‘girlfriend’ I can assume it’s something illegal.

Yang: She’s not my girlfriend!

Raven: But, was it illegal?

Yang: …

Yang: Well…

Raven: Ha! Love the bad girls don’t you? Fine, I’ll watch over your friend. Who is it you want me to babysit; It better not be the, Schnee girl! I swear I’ll shoot her one of these days if she…?

Yang: No, it’s not, Weiss. It’s, Jaune. Jaune’s coming over.

Raven: J-Jaune…?

Yang: Yeah, we’ve got a school project we’re working on together, and Jaune wanted to get ahead of the game. So he asked if he could come over here so we could work on it. Is that okay?

Raven: Jaune coming over here…? T-That’s fine! I’m totally fine with that tasty snack…?! I mean! That fine young man coming over here. W-When is coming over…?

Yang: In… half an hour-ish?

Raven: Half an hour? That gives me plenty of time… Time for a shower, and time to put on something spicy~!

Yang: What was that?

Raven: Nothing! Go, and save your girlfriend!

Yang: She’s not my girlfriend, Mom!

Raven: And, I’m not about to get laid, now get going!

Yang: Alright! Alright! I’m going.

Yang: …

Yang: Wait, ‘Get laid?’

~~~

Summer

Ruby: Mom?

Summer: Yes, sweaty~?

Ruby: What are you wearing?

Summer: A bikini.

Ruby: Why?

Summer: Well, your friend, Jaune is coming over to help clean the pool, so I thought I’d give him a show~!

Ruby: A what?

Summer: I thought I’d get a suntan.

Ruby: Oh… Then why are you taking the sunscreen?

Summer: So I don’t get sunburned silly.

Ruby: Okay, do you want me to…?!

Summer: No! No, noo, no. I’ll ask, Jaune to put it on~! That way I get those big muscular hands all over me, feeling me up~! Oh gods~!

Ruby: What was that mom?

Summer: Nothing~!

(Ding dong~!)

Summer: Oh? That must be my boy toy~! Coming!

Ruby: Boy what…?

~~~

Willow

Jacques: Willow! Where are you! Blasted, where is that drunkard!

Willow: …

Jaune: …

Willow: Well, that was close…

Jaune: Yeah… too close.

Willow: Jacques would have thrown an absolute fit if he caught one of, Weiss’s friends snooping about the mansion.

Jaune: I wasn’t snooping, I was lost.

Willow: In a supply closet?

Jaune: I thought it was, Weiss’s room.

Willow: Not even close dear.

Jaune: Okay… but can you open the door, you shoved us in here to get away from, Jacques, and this broom closet is rather cramped.

Willow: No can do… my hands are stuck here… Feeling your broad chest~! Y-You’ll have to open the door yourself.

Jaune: Okay fine… where is the door knob…? Eh? What is this, a pillo…?!

Willow: Ohh~!

Jaune: Ahh?! S-S-S-Sorry! I didn’t mean to…?!

Willow: Jaune?

Jaune: Y-Y-Yeah…?!

Willow: Harder~!

(Ziiiip!)

~~~

Athena

Athena: So tell me, why are you in such a panic to clean up, our already clean house?

Pyrrha: Ooooh… My teammates are coming over, so I wanted to spruce the place up for their visit.

Athena: Your teammates…? Does that mean… Jaune is coming too…?

Pyrrha: Yeah, he’s coming too.

Athena: I see… Well, then I hope he’ll enjoy visiting us in our humble abode~!

Pyrrha: Uhh… Mom? Your top has come undone.

Athena: It’s a little hot here, I just want to cool off.

Pyrrha: It’s not hot in here at all?

Athena: Oh~? What makes you think that?

Pyrrha: Mom, your top has come undone again.

Athena: So it has.

Pyrrha: Mom, I can see you bra.

Athena: And?

Pyrrha: Mom, do up your blouse, unless you want my friends to stare at your breasts.

Athena: So long as it’s him, I don’t mind if he stares, or even copes a feel. I’ll be very happy by the end of it all~!

Pyrrha: C-Cope a feel? Who are you talking about?

~~~

Carla

Carla: So that’s the, ‘loser twerp’ you’ve been bullying?

Cardin: Yeah, his name is, Jaune Arc, complete loser.

Carla: Jaune Arc…? Jaune ArrrrrrrrrC~! Hmm… Rolls off the tongue.

Cardin: Pff! That’s part of the idiot’s stupid catch phrase.

Carla: What catch phrase?

Cardin: “The nAme’S JaUNe ArC; roLLLs of tHE tonGUE! LaDIEs Love it” Pff! How stupid can you be?

Carla: ‘Love’s it?’ So, he is the boy you are being forced to apologize to?

Cardin: Yeah, the teacher says they’ll end my two month long detention early if I apologize to him… I have no intention of apologizing to that loser.

Carla: I see… You know what, Cardin. How about I apologize on your behalf?

Cardin: You’ll do that?

Carla: Of course! He may not accept it, but he’ll at least get that apology he is owed.

Cardin: You’ll do that? Thanks, Mom. I probably would have decked him in the face if I went over there to apologize to the loser.

Carla: Then I best go over there. Don’t worry sweetie, I’ll make sure he accepts your apology. After all, what better apology can a boy get than fucking his bully’s own mother~?

Cardin: W-What was that…?

~~~

Ruby

Ruby: Amethyst, honey? Why are you dressed so… slutty?

Amethyst: Oh… uhh… Parent teacher conference is tonight…

Ruby: I’m aware…

Amethyst: Yeah… so… Professor Arc is coming over to…?!

Ruby: Jaune?! J-Jaune’s coming over here?

Amethyst: Yeah, he told me so himself.

Ruby: So, you’re dressing like a slut to seduce him?

Amethyst: Yeah… That is the plan…

Ruby: Nonono! That won’t work at all honey! He won’t give you so much as a fleeting glance if you dress up like some common harlot!

Amethyst: He won’t?

Ruby: No! You need to dress in something more conservative, something that shows nothing, but something that emphasizes everything~!

Amethyst: Like what?

Ruby: I’ll show you after I’ve seduce him~!

Amethyst: What?! But, I want to sleep with him first!

[mellowwillowy]

𝐃𝐮𝐦𝐛 𝐁𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐬 NSFW

⤷ Synopsis: Your boyfriend loves it when you show him that stupid face of yours, cum drunk as he fucks you raw nonstop, and perhaps the imaginary love that forms in your gaze.

⤷ warnings — hints of manipulative behavior, oral receiving and giving, overstimulation, GN

Yan! Boyfriend is the nicest boyfriend you will ever have! He is a prodigy so he is naturally great in everything that will help you, including fucking you dumb until you feel like nothing but his cocksleeve.

"You like it when I angle my hips this way right?" Your boyfriend teased you as he rammed your insides, his tip hitting that one spot at a steady pace. You could not bring yourself to word an answer, all you could do was to be vocal with your moans.

"Pukuku, you really are adorable," Blue licked your tear-stained cheek upward, tasting the saltiness in your tears, "fucked dumb now? I still have a lot stored in me." You did not doubt his words, this was nothing but a 1/3 of what he could really do to you.

You complained, arms flailing around to push him off from you, legs thrashing against him and mouth blurting out curses at him. He just wouldn't budge, if anything, his erection did not soften up despite the ejaculation he had earlier inside of you.

"Still have shit tons of cum unloaded for you hun. Don't pass out on me just yet." He flashed you a toothy grin as he mouthed your breast, sucking it like a baby. His teeth occasionally grazed your perked-up nipples while his tongue circled your areola. "My favorite milkers, aren't you?"

He started out slow and steady again, his hand feeling your throbbing sex again, offering you another relish of pleasure as your body still trembled from your previous orgasm. "Hmm~ always ready for me to take you aren’t you?" He pulled himself out and shifted his mouth into your sex, tongue working itself skillfully, fingers squelching inside your cum-filled hole. He relishes in how your thighs squeezed his face, hips still instinctively bucking toward his face, "There there, eager aren't you?" he spreaded your thigh open with one of his hands, "Patience, love."

Your arousal was built to the brim again, evident by how you were squirming beneath him, your consciousness at his mercy now. "Ohh, it must have felt so good, to have my tongue edging you to the point you are brimming with tears honey!" You were not sure whether he was demeaning you or being attentive, he had always been an enigma in your eyes.

Even so, you managed to question him, "Is that, khk- s'posed to b-be degrading me?" Blue looked at you doe-eyed, cocking his head to the side, "You think so dear?" Was that supposed to guilt trip you again? You clenched your jaw as you tried to contain your moans, unbothered to answer him. It didn't go unnoticed as he started to pick up his pace, fingers, and tongue diligently working even harder to coax more noises out of you. You have always had the best voice in his opinion after all. "Pretty things with pretty voices shouldn't be this silent yeah?"

You could hear how he might actually slurp your bodily fluids like a thirsty beast, "Cum" His fingers pumped in and out of your hole fast and steady now, "Come on, cum for me yeah?" God, just how was he so skillful with his mouth and hand? Blue's attack did not falter, at least not until he had you creamed in his mouth, swallowing everything you had for him in a large gulp. The way his Adam's apple bobbed was so arousing to watch, especially how your fluid was all over his lip. Blue dragged his finger and tongue to make sure none of it go to waste, sucking his cum-coated fingers clean.

"Tasty aren't you? You are just so addicting honey." His eyes watched your panting figure, overstimulated again after rounds of orgasms. You wanted to spit at his words, to do just anything. You tapped your lip, "Mouth," Blue raised one of his eyebrows, "I want a taste of you, hun." Blue smirked, his pearl-white teeth visible as he gave his cock a few pumps before lining it in front of your lip, "You sure honey? I might rut into your mouth like a rabbit in heat."

You grinned at him, "Anything for my bunny in heat."

You knew oral would not be enough to save you from another round of being pounded raw but at the very least you could have a taste of what was overflowing inside you ♥

[chatterbox-73]

Kinktober 2024.

Day 5 - Kitten’s treat.

Shota Aizawa x GN!Reader

This story is a smut story for Kinktober, I’ll be writing more characters x reader one shots for Kinktober and if you want to see a character please let me know...

You must be 18 years or older to read this...

🔞⚠️NO MINORS ALLOWED⚠️🔞

Summary: Aizawa has a very tasty treat for his little kitten, though the only thing is you have to work for it.

Word count: 930

CW: NSFW and adult content, swearing, role play, pet play (leash and collar), pet name (kitten), oral (GN!giving/ implied GN!receiving), eating cum, facial.

Sitting on the floor with your legs tucked under you, your head resting on the top of your boyfriend’s thigh, while he stroked your head and held tightly onto the leash and collar around your neck, “you’re such a good kitten, you know that” Aizawa hummed his hand moving down to cup your cheeks, while he pulled on the collar forcing you to kneeling position, “so good in fact, I’ll give you a tasty treat” his thumb gently brushed over your lips, before pressing past them and into your mouth. Aizawa’s digit pressed down on your tongue and he opened your mouth, “so pretty… I bet you’re so hungry for your treat, right kitten?” He asked and you nodded quickly.

You reached your hands up and rested them on Aizawa’s thighs as you looked down at the very visible bulge growing in his pants, he smiled and moved to slide his pants down, as he did his erection sprung free, “come on kitten… start earning your treat” Aizawa hummed as he held the base of his cock and pulled you closer but the leash, you opened your mouth and moaned as he slowly rubbed his tip over your tongue and lips.

“Aww such a wet mouth… you hungry little kitten, your drooling all over for my cum” Aizawa chuckled and you nodded still licking and kissing his tip, “well try harder or that tummy of yours is gonna stay empty, and you’ll just have to go hungry” he watched as you took his tip in your mouth, wrapping your lips around him and sucking on it, you slowly began to take him deeper in until you couldn’t anymore, “come on now… that’s pathetic, you said you were hungry” he laughed and you began slowly bobbing your head, trying to warm up so that you might be able to take more. You moaned and felt yourself getting quite hot and bothered, all while Aizawa patted your head “good little kitten… you take me so well” he hummed and you tightened your grip on his upper thighs, all while you continued to suck him, gradually taking him deeper and deeper until your lips hit the base of his cock, at the sudden realisation you had taken all of him, your brain kicked in and activated your gag reflex, you gagged but continued to suck and deeply bob your head.

“Oh yeah, keep going… you’re getting me there” Aizawa groaned and rested a hand on the back of your head, while slightly tugging on your leash. Your cheeks hollowed and your tongue pressed the underside of Aizawa’s manhood, your eyes watered and your legs pressed together, the feeling you got from only sucking him was so close to orgasmic you wondered how long it’d take you before you released from sucking him alone, though before you could get too lost in through Aizawa grabbing the hair on the back of your neck as leverage and support before he began thrusting his hips up into your mouth, “I’m… oh fuck… I’m so god damn close” he grunted as he shifted before standing and holding both sides of your face, while unconscious tugging your leash tighter, “suck… harder a-and move your… tongue” he muttered through gritted teeth as his hip snapped harder and faster towards you, “that’s it… roll that tongue” Aizawa eyes rolled back as you followed his instructions to the letter, you began moaning around and you hands grabbed his butt while you pressed your legs together, you didn’t dare touch yourself in fear Aizawa would take your reward away, “you ready… I- I’m cum- cumming” he huffed and suddenly he pulled roughly on your leash and you were pulled off his cock just as he began to release his load, it spurted into your lips and chin, it also ran down his shaft and onto his sack before three drops made it onto the floor.

You grabbed the collar around your neck as you gasped for air and Aizawa loosened his grips, “whoopsies… now lick it all clean, kitten” he demanded and you began wiping the cum of your chin before you sucked your fingers clean, you then moved onto his cock and you liked up and down his messy shaft slowly, while keeping eye contact with him the whole time and continued this as you move down to suck his sack clean, “you’re enjoying this too much… my little perverted kitten” he laughed and you sat back on your legs looking up at him. Aizawa raised a brow and frowned, “I said clean it all” he growled and pointed down to the ground, you looked down to the ground and felt uneasy, was this all going too far, you thought to yourself and your hesitation was clear, “hey… let’s stop here for the night…” Aizawa hummed as he knelt down before you and began removing the collar around your neck, you nodded and looked away for him, “I’m sorry, you really wanted this and I really wanted to do this” you sighed and your boyfriend laughed, “it’s fine, you’re the cutest little kitten… your too cute even” he hummed and cupped your face, kissing you deeply before wrapping his arms around your body, “let’s go bathe…” he hummed and lifted you to stand with him but paused, “or shell I lick my sweet little kitten’s sweet spot” he whispered as he sat you down on the chair he was on before kneeling before you, he opening your legs wide and holding your legs up and out of the way.

Kinktober Masterlist

Day 4 - Levi Ackerman: In plain sight.

Day 6 - Suguru Geto: Paying tribute.

[azen13]

Your thoughts about yandere zhongli but in the au where you are the archon are tasty.... unfortunately, I don't think Zhongli will keep your Gnosis because it would be reneging on a contact and he is Contracts. But imagine... what if you sealed Morax away, and he (much like Azhdaha in canon) managed to split off a small part of himself to exist as a human, "Zhongli" the funeral parlour consultant? Your most devout worshipper.... until he frees your old enemy and friend, Morax. ♡

anon ur so real for this. i 100% agree zhongli wouldn't keep ur gnosis bc. god of contracts. the part about splitting off a small part of himself??? u truly ate. anyways here's a little drabble based on that idea! i had to rewrite it bc my laptop died and i lost my progress sobs

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

CW: Yandere Themes, Implied Stalking

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

Every prayer made in your name is like a melody. They float across Teyvat, weaving together in a resonant unceasing chorus. From a young child wishing for protection for her father, to an old man begging for more time with his wife.

But beneath all the moving lines, beneath all the trills and mordents, is a peculiar prayer. A low, droning hum, one that seems to have gone on for centuries. When you listen to other prayers, you can glean out what it is saying. But while this one speaks in a language you know, it utters words you cannot understand. No matter how many sleepless nights you spend trying to decode its desires, they remain incomprehensible.

All that you know is that the person speaking it is deeply, utterly in love.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

You hear it one day when you walk through the streets of Liyue, masquerading amongst mortals to understand their troubles. The sun has barely risen, its first rays turning the eaves of homes a warm amber color as you walk through Chihu rock.

Then you hear it. That low, rumbling tone, like an earthquake. It's coming from all around you, but you can't see anyone in front of you, so you spin around.

All you see is a man dressed in fine clothing, a slightly confused expression plastered on his face. Harmless. Unassuming. Even still, you cannot help but think that he looks strikingly like Morax.

"My apologies, I thought I heard something." You offer a kind smile, ready to turn away quickly, but the stranger steps forward.

"You are quite alright. It is quite early in the morning, so some exercise must be cautioned," he says, Cor Lapis colored eyes gazing at you intently. He even sounds exactly like Morax. His voice almost brings you to tears, but you sidestep your sorrows. "Perhaps we could walk together if you are concerned about danger?" The stranger asks.

You shake your head. "Thank you, but I would hate to impose on your time," you say. For some reason, the stranger's face tightens, almost imperceptibly so, but you see it in the slight frown of his lips, the narrowing of his eyes.

"I assure you," the man says, taking another step towards you, "I have no plans this morning." His words have an almost godlike authority to them, though you quickly brush aside that thought. You sense no such power from this man.

Taking another step back, you look into his eyes, as beautiful as polished amber, and stand firm. "I insist, I'm alright," you say, faking levity.

There is a moment of silence before the stranger lets out a soft sigh. "So be it," he says, pausing for a moment. "At the very least, may I know your name?"

By this point, you already want to leave. This man, human or not, is simply off-putting by how similar he is to Morax, in appearance, in voice, even in mannerisms. Still, you manage to stay smiling. "I'm Y/N," you say, offering your hand.

The stranger grasps your hand quickly in an almost vice-like grip. "I go by Zhongli," the man responds. He holds onto your hand for just a millisecond too long, but you don't pay it much mind. Letting go, Zhongli gives you a slight, almost unnoticeable smile. "I sincerely hope we meet again, Mx. Y/N," he says, turning around and casually walking away.

Something tells you that you will, in fact, meet him again.

[princesssmars]

alone together

a karlach x princess!reader.

in the blink of eye, you go from a carefree heir to a throne to a damsel in distress stuck in a tower. but there's a strange woman stuck with you, and maybe you can make each other a little less lonely.

wc : 8,655

contains: fxf. fem!reader. skin color not described. fluff. some light angst. smut. g!p karlach. oral and penetrative sex.

a/n: fuck that poll i'll do TWO fics for her i never cared! karlach has a little soldier because those bg3 mods have affected my brain and i need her to take me to pound town. sorry i rushed the ending i need this fic out NOW. enjoy :3

throughout history, many tales have been written about the failures of monarchs.

there was thaymor the vain, whose search for everlasting youth to sustain his envied beauty led to him making a deal with faeries for a youth spell, but they didnt tell him he would absorb this youth from his entire family, killing his lineage in only a few short years.

atreyu the acceptable, whose father went from being the hero who defended his village from raiders to the king who turned it into a flourishing kingdom, while the most his son accomplished was developing a new bread recipe in the palace kitchens. to be fair, it was rather tasty. bit too many nuts.

but the one story you loathed the most was cassara the chilled. a young, beautiful, and promising young princess who was locked in her room for nearly half a year as punishment for a false accusation of pushing her brother, the crown heir, down a flight of stairs. in her lonesome and desperation, she had turned to dark magic to sustain herself, and by the time her parents found her, she was a cold and petrified shell. nothing more than a glamorous statue.

you would read these stories in the palace library and, admittedly a bit morbidly, laugh to yourself. your family line was known for its intelligence and charisma, able to control your kingdom with ample care for its citizens and contributing greatly to its numerous advancements.

it'd been this way for decades - so how on earth were your parents so damned stupid?

you had noticed things like this before. the pair of them listening too closely to what citizens had to say while holding court. a few years back a fanatical farmer had told them he saw a sign from one of his gods that unless the kingdom slaughtered half its cows it would be leveled, and the king quickly gave the order. then it was later revealed that the farmer had eaten some contaminated mushrooms he had found on his farm and didnt even worship any gods.

the kingdom ate a lot of chicken that year. some of the court mages used spells to increase the egg output from the livestock to make up for it, which led to you quitting the meat for two years. those magic chickens were...odd.

but besides that, your life was nothing short of amazing. you were the only child and the crown heir, so even though you had the unbearable weight of the heavily bejeweled crown in your future, with all the luxuries you were afforded like dresses, jewelry, lavish balls, and dinners, it was very much worth it.

on a day when you had political tutoring instead of attending court, your parents must have done something to piss someone off, because the next time you came in you'd never seen a citizen have such nerve. it was an old woman dressed in black rags and holding a weird-looking staff, most likely a witch.

your family had no qualms against magic wielders as far as you knew, seeing any amount of help to grow their empire as worthwhile. but that changed when she aimed her stick at your parents and spoke.

"your contempt for life that does not fit your 'purpose' is an affront for everything your kingdom supposedly stands for. a kingdom i helped your ancestors build. and all i asked in return is for you to remember my terms. to not disrespect me after all i've done. but you have failed. and for this you must be punished."

you were going to call her insane, call the guards to seize her and make an example out of anyone who would threaten and say such baseless claims about your family. you had heard the story of how your ancestors built this kingdom from the ground up hundreds of times, and not once was it mentioned that they received help from a witch.

you weren't afforded time to think it over when her staff pointed at you, her gaze making your blood run cold. the trinkets and bones attached to the end of the warped dark stick brimming with glowing tendrils of magic.

"your daughter, such beauty, such grace, such a beacon of what your family stands for," she taunts and moves her head side to side as she mocks you. "i will give you a choice. your daughter or your kingdom."

you scoff at her and the panicked whispers from the commoners and guards around you. this is bullshit. for all you knew she was nothing but a druid playing dress up, most likely hurt that her flower farm was torn up in one of your father's recent expansion projects.

"this is crazy, we all know this is crazy, right?" your head whips to stare at your parents, who won't even look you in the eye. you start to feel sick, refusing to believe for a second that they could actually be considering this. "mother, father!"

your father raises his hand and the room goes quiet. he stands, an imposing figure by himself, and his cloaks and crown make him more so. the family crest glimmers from his chest, a golden dragon with its wings bared. you try to remember what it stands for to quell the fear in your chest.

your family is strong, your family has knowledge that goes beyond others, your family is more powerful than this pathetic pretender-

"please, just...just don't hurt her, we beg."

your eyes strain at the sight of your father, the king, on his knees with his hands clasped together.

he's pleading with her. this woman is threatening your life and he's begging to her.

you only manage to have one last thought before you're enclosed in a cloud of black and feel your body being ripped through space.

your family is fucking stupid.

your new life is far from what you're used to, but you become suspicious of how pampered elisia - the hag - has made everything for you.

you live in a tower, a tall and black and imposing thing that if you weren't a damn hostage you'd probably think thrice about entering. it stood at the top of an abandoned keep you think you'd heard of in another bedtime story, something about an ogre and a damsel…whatever.

elisia had made it extremely clear that there would be no way for you to escape. her magic would keep the place functional while she was gone; the dark halls lit up, kitchen stocked, library filled. but try to navigate the gigantic lower level that led to the exit and you’d end up in an endless loop that left you feeling dizzy enough to give up for the day.

(for good measure the keep was also situated on a crumbling mountain above a pit of actual lava. have to applaud her efficiency.)

but then you asked if she had planned on you going insane, as would eventually happen if you were left here alone.

the sound of her cackle rang in your head for a few days.

‘what makes you think you're alone in here?’

the cloth of your bed was soft, the gentle canopy making you long for the glamorous and full one you'd had at home. but even the mocking familiarity couldn’t rouse you into sleep that night. every tumble of a rock echoed throughout the halls of the prison that was now your home, making vomit rise in your throat as you remembered the witch’s words.

you tried to calm yourself down, convincing yourself she only alluded to another thing being here to scare you. for the first day you tried to follow your daily schedule as well as possible. wake up, clean and dress yourself, eat some breakfast, focus on hobbies and interests, tea in the garden, etcetera.

but to say it was a struggle is an understatement. you forgot how everything was made easier by your maids and lady’s in waiting, having issue with just doing your hair alone. you didn’t even want to begin on breakfast, fighting with the damned bewitched oven and settling for a fruit salad.

and so you stick to reading, it’s not like you need help doing that. it reminds you of when you were younger and your governess would call out “sick” and when a replacement was being prepared you’d wait on the cushy classroom chaise and read and read and read until your eyes started to hurt.

and now you’ve resorted to reading a cookbook. you’re halfway through a recipe for grilled cheese when you hear it, the displacement of rock in the walls and a dull, eerie humming. you feel the goosebumps rise on your skin and try your best not to let your fear show as you pass a quick glance up at the doorway.

and an eye is staring right back at you.

the book falls from your hands and hits the ground with a hard smack, throwing you from holding the eyes gaze as you make sure it’s alright before looking back at the doorway, only to find nothing there.

this is getting weird. and unsettling. and annoying. and so you muster up all the foolish courage you can, pick your dress up by the hem, and chase after the creature.

you recognize it’s not the smartest idea, chasing after something potentially dangerous and definitely stalking you. but if it’s resorted to staring at you from doorways it can’t be prone to violence. hopefully. curse your father for burdening you with his impatience. and dimwittedness, apparently.

whatever the thing is its fucking fast, tucking and weaving around corners almost faster than you can keep up with.

(you mentally thank your fitness educator for making you routinely run laps around the gardens when you became too lazy for your parents liking back when you were twelve. sucks you’ll never see her again, she was always funny.)

the mysterious being messes up and you cheer to yourself when you hear it stop itself from crashing into the wall.

“hah! looks like you’ve-“

gods above you must look like a dunce, panting in the middle of this dark hallway as you stare at the big bad that was staring at you in your entrapment. but it’s not what you expect. it’s not a monster, or a creature, or the angel of death here to free you from the torment of boredom.

it’s a woman. a devil woman. a very large and disturbingly attractive devil woman.

gods above, you’d been involuntarily celibate for far too long.

it’s clear she’s not going to start conversation first, appearing as if she’d rather sink into the walls themselves than explain herself to you.

“are we going to keep staring at each other or are you going to explain why you’re stalking me?”

“i’m not stalking you!” she blurts, clearly annoyed by your accusation. well, if she only responded to being called a pervert you’d just have to deal with that.

“you were standing in the doorway and ogling me as i was reading, sounds pretty stalkerish to me.”

“that’s not- i wasn’t ogling-“

“and you’ve clearly been in here with me a while, i’ve heard that weird humming and seen that light before. why not introduce yourself if you weren’t being a creep?”

“i’m not a stalker! i’m supposed to be here!” her eye twitches and you figured you’ve pushed her far enough to the truth. you didn’t want to annoy her too much, the giant woman looked like she could snap you in half with ease.

no, don’t think about that. stop staring at her muscles. stop it-

maybe she notices your silence or maybe she notices how you are not no politely checking her out, because she takes the infernal axe off her back, - which you hadn’t even noticed, survival skills going down the drain - sets it gently on the ground, and slowly starts to walk towards you.

you try your best not to show weakness or fear as she approaches, clearly trying to show you she doesn’t mean to harm you. she could have easily harmed you earlier when you chased her like a mad woman through the keep, and you start to feel a bit flushed with embarrassment.

“i can kind of explain why i’m here, if you’d like. somewhere more comfortable preferably.”

she leads you back to the kitchen and the whole time your eyes never leave her body, taking in every detail you can to try to piece together her story.

she has numerous scars starting from her face and trailing down her body, the gaps in her leather outfit letting you see the raised veins and literal vents in her arm and shoulder. add the injuries and incredibly well defined muscles together and it’s not hard to figure this woman is no strain her to hard battle, and could easily overpower you if she so desired.

(yet again you have to trample your inner libido at the thought. you need to get out of this place and fast.)

once in the kitchen, you both shit down and you listen as she tells you everything you want to know, answering every question you have without failure.

“what’s your name?”

“karlach. named after my mum. what’s yours?”

“princess y/n of tuquestia. are you a devil?”

“an actual princess, eh? here i thought that old witch was exaggerating. and no, i’m a tiefling. blame the burning skin and engine on that bitch downstairs mizora.”

“mizora? why the hell would you get mixed up with her?”

“i didn’t ask to. it’s a long story. i think your foods burning, love.”

“gods damn it. whatever. why are you here? how long have you been here?”

“guess that wicked witch is old buddies with my devil because they made some bet way back when that if she managed to screw over some kingdom they both hate mizora would give up one of her best soldiers to help her.”

“so what, your an extra ounce of protection to make sure i don’t jump out of a window?”

“guess i am. and please don’t, wouldn’t end well for either of us.”

after an hour of trying to make a simple meal and glaring at karlach whenever she’d tease you, a warmth bloomed in your chest uncaused by the infernal being across from you. until that point you had pondered when the effect of the endless days of loneliness would seep in, when you'd start talking to visions in your mind before slowly going insane.

but now you had karlach. big, loud, always yapping karlach.

you didn't have many friends back home. you had your handmaidens who were respectful but always too careful, brief flings from when you snuck out to the local towns taverns and polite conversations with visiting monarchs and royals. but never a true friend.

so you’re unable to tell if the way karlach acts is…normal. it’s not like she’s just standing behind and watching you as you try to live your life during the day. not that you’d mind that much.

it’s quite the opposite; she’s always talking. maybe it’s because during your first conversation you made a one off comment of resorting to talking to an old teddy bear you’d found in your closet for company, but there doesn’t go a minute where’s she doesn’t just strike up a conversation with you.

she asks what your home is like, how did you grow up, what it was like to be a princess (that ‘was’ stung more than you expected), if you ever had any pets, any friends, a boyfriend.

you’d snorted at that, telling her if there’s one thing you were grateful to your parents for it was respecting your preference for women. she goads you to go on and listens intently to your story of the time you and a neighboring princess got caught in the quite the situation behind one of the curtains at a large gala…

you figure it’s only polite to ask her all of her questions back, and clearly it’s the right option since each time you do her face lights up almost literally and she animatedly explains every little detail of her life and adventures before she got screwed over and stuck in avernus.

and oh, avernus. if there’s one thing to smack you into reality it’s when she finally deems you trustworthy enough to tell you how exactly she’d become one of mizoras best. you were not the least bit surprised that someone like gortash would screw her over.

(you’d only met him once at your parents invitation and faked food poisoning when he had asked you for a dance. karlach laughed so hard at that her fingers scorched the table you were sitting at. it felt in that moment that you’re stomach was even warmer than her.)

but when she explained everything after he gave her up, the pain of being taken from her home, having her heart replaced, turned into a killing machine and mistaken for a devil, your heart ached. all you wanted was to reach out and touch her, to place at least a comforting hand on her shoulder, but another pain she felt was going without contact with anyone because of her engine.

your old sociology instructor would weep in joy if she could see you know, mourning for the life of someone you just met could have had. all you wanted wasnt to escape this tower, or to wear the latest dress made custom by your tailor and drink some of the not sneakily hidden wine in the kitchens stone walls. it’s just to make her feel better.

so you come up with a plan. probably not the smartest one, but the only one that’ll get you results quickly.

you go about the morning as normal. wake up, clean yourself, meet karlach in the kitchen for breakfast. easy peasy.

now there’s just manning up and going through with this. you had told karlach you were making omelets, the tiefling practically bouncing in her seat as she cleaned off her axe while she wanted. as soon as you could tell she was distracted, you raised the vegetable cutting knife to your hand, took on a deep breath, and then-

“fuck!” her head jerked up at your cry, body standing up on automatically as she watched you cradle your hand to your chest and keel over. she goes to place a hand on your back to help you up and see what’s wrong when she stops herself, so close she can nearly feel the fabrics of your dress brush against her skin.

“damn it, princess. um, ok, it’s not too deep, i’ll get you a towel.” she rushes around the kitchen, searching for a piece of cloth to help you with your wound. but once she sees one sitting not even two feet from you by the fireplace, she’s stopped from alerting you by a swooshing air coming in from the hall, specks of magic floating through the air.

“what on earth are you doing?” elisia‘s voice comes out in a screech, looking like a cloud of darkness as her tall frame draped in black cloaks moves into the kitchen with a quickness. she’s just as quick to dig her nails into your wrist and bring your injured hand up to her face, ignoring your whimper that sends a pang of worry into karlach.

“what, are you turning into an idiot like your father? how can you be so inept?”

“ok ok, it was just an accident!”

she spits out a curse in a language you don't understand and drops your wrist, ignoring your grunt of pain. “the whole point of this is for you to be trapped here, not for you to end your life because of pure foolishness.”

her eyes zip to karlach, and you admire how the tiefling doesn't stand down to the hag's piercing gaze, squaring her shoulders almost like she is preparing for a fight.

“you. did you forget about our precious zariel’s little gift?” elisia smiles down at karlach’s chest, which noticeably glows brighter as her frustration rises. “one touch and you could have burned it closed. do you enjoy watching my hostage bleed out on the stone?”

“i don't think making her pass out and likely die from excruciating pain is in your plans either. i can't help her if i can't touch her without endangering her life!”

the echo of her booming voice leads to an eerie silence, both of you waiting for what elisia says next. your eyes meet from across the room, glowing amber trailing down to your hand before you give a quick nod to let her know you’re okay.

elisia groans, tapping her staff on one of the sturdy counters. “fine. what do you need in order to do what you’re here for?”

”i…i need an engine upgrade. just enough to be able to make contact.” you can't help but notice the tick in karlach’s voice, a slight glimmer of hope at just the idea that she’ll be able to touch someone again, even if it’s just you.

“you’ll still be able to use it as protection, yes?”

karlach nods, and after a few seconds of contemplation, the witch wordlessly disappears into a plume of smoke.

“do you think she’ll consider it?” you question, voice strained as the stinging of your palm reaches a new high. in a rush the woman is collecting the things needed to take care of your wound, gesturing for you to sit on top of the table while she helps as much as she can without hurting you further.

“focus on me, yeah? it’ll be over in a second.” she holds a bottle of alcohol over your hand waiting for your confirmation that she can pour it on the slash to sterilize it. you wish you could say you reacted gracefully, but based on her facial reaction it’s safe to assume the sound you cried was anything but pretty. quickly she guides you to dry it off and wrap it in a bandage, a sigh of relief escaping you when the would is properly covered.

“thank you. sorry if i made you worried, didn’t mean to cut so deep. still not very good with knives.”

“of course i worried, you’re - wait, you did this on purpose?”

you give her a sheepish smile as she stares at you in shock, eyes darting from your hand to multiple spots on your face before she bursts into a loud laughter, your body going stark straight from the surprise of her mood shifting so suddenly.

“glad to know i was right about there being something more than air in that head of yours, princess. now i’m aware you’re also crazy.”

“hey, it worked didnt it? now you’ll get your engine upgrade, and you’ll finally be able to touch me.”

“yeah looking forward to wrangling your stubborn ass from trying to find more secret tunnels in your bedroom.”

“i know they exist! what keep doesn’t have a secret tunnel?”

you’re thrown into a playful argument about how she’s certain that secret tunnels that you remembered dearly from your old castle wouldn’t be in every type of royal origin, while you try to persuade her it’s basically an untold law for building a keep.

all the while she’s trying to ignore how the light of the fireplace brings out the warmness of your skin, while you decide not to bring up how to the idea of touching you made her bite her lip and stutter her breath.

karlach gets her upgrade sooner than later, the itch appearing with a nice but scared-looking tiefling who uses a strange-looking metal to fix karalch up. you can tell she's trying to stay calm through the endeavor, not wanting g to risk the poor man due to her excitement. and the whole time you stay by her side, eyes trained on the rather strange way the procedure is done.

but once its done she stands there, almost unable to believe what she hopes to be true. she turns her body to face yours, eyes near begging for either of you to do something when you wrap your arms around her neck and push your body into hers.

and gods, is she warm. like cuddling up with a wool blanket in bed during the chilling midsts of winter. you can tell your sudden act of affection scared her at first, but once she realizes whats happening she wraps her arms around your waist so tightly it feels like shes trying to fuse you into one.

you hear elisia in the back, groaning at the act before leaving with the stranger in a hurry. when their footsteps are no longer heard karlach lifts your body up with ease, twirling you around before setting your body back to the floor.

her chest is having, excitement coursing through her body as flames rise and retreat from the vents in her shoulders.

“i cant believe it. i never thought i would- that you and i could-”

she cuts herself off with the most joyous laugh you've heard from her yet, pulling you into another hug and burying her face into your shoulder, minding not to scratch you with her horn.

its almost adorable how cuddly karlach becomes after that; a giant war fighting barbarian nervously asking if she can receive a random hug in the middle of the day, standing behind you as she makes sure you're following the steps of a recipe you found, even indulging you when you ask for her hands to warm your stomach when your moon week arrives.

only two weeks after her upgrade do you realize that you have feelings for her. maybe you've known for longer, only denying it in the fear that you'd lose the only true friend you'd ever had. even if she didn't return your affections, the reasonable part of you knew she would never turn you down in a harsh way. but you knew yourself, and knew the embarrassment would lead to you distancing yourself from her and ignoring her at any chance possible, which was the opposite of what both of you needed at this time.

you try your hardest not to make it obvious, but when she catches your eyes lingering on her a few times too long she decides she cant ignore it any longer, choosing to finally have that long awaited talk with you before you head to sleep.

she was escorting you from the library back up to your room for the night, gently guiding you with a large palm on your back while your attention was focused on a book you had found deep in the history shelves. it was endearing, how you'd pay little attention to where you were going and nearly trip over a stair before cursing it under your breath.

“i knew you were a bit of a history buff, darling, but you cant exactly learn if you give yourself a concussion.” karlach smiles.

you don't reply, mumbling something about being too engrossed in the text. with a choked back laugh she shakes her head and bends down to pick you up, one arm under your back and the other under your legs. she can see your eyes widen over the edge of the pages before going back to what you were doing. once she reaches your door she not-so-delicately kicks it open before placing you on your bed, bending down to start helping you take off your slippers.

once she's done she starts to look up at you when she takes a quick glance around your room. she’s only been in here a few times, when you’d fall asleep hunched over a tome in the library and she had to gracefully put you in your bed. there isn’t much in here save for the bed and a simple closet. but her eyes catch on the tally’s you’ve been keeping on the wall, inching closer and closer to the three month mark.

she starts to second guess herself. why would you have any feelings other then basic ones of friendship with her, a barbarian ordered to prevent you from leaving a tower you were trapped in? as much as you tried to hide it it was clear how much you missed your home, your parents, the grand lifestyle in which you were raised.

she’s about to make a quick exit after asking if you need anything else when you're doing it again: staring into her soul like you apparently so enjoy doing.

“is there anything else you need, princess?”

you feel a sharp pull below your stomach, not expecting the effect her words would have on your body, only increased by the feel of her large hand still around your ankle, the heat radiating from her and hitting you full force as whatever shes feeling grows in intensity. you gently reach a hand up to feel over the ridges of her cut horn, down to the slit in her eyebrow and the shaved cut of her hair. the whole time she waits, chest rising and falling as she tries to keep her composure while your touch continues its journey down and down until your gentle fingers are grazing over the curve of her nose and her lips.

you finally kiss her, and despite how damned good it feels she can't help but feel bad about how desperately she wants so much more. with all the carefulness she can muster she kisses you deeper, pulling you to the edge of the bed so that your legs are on both sides of her body.

“karlach, please…” you whine out into the quiet room, eyes closed at the bliss of her pressing her body closer to yours, her mouth deciding to start kissing down your throat when you stop kissing her to speak her name. not like she seems to mind, for every time you moan out her nails dig into the fat of your hips through your dress.

“gods, i’m so glad i was right. knew you wanted me, i had hoped you did.” her words are muffled by a quick bite to your throat, her mind going blank at the high pitched moan you let out at the press of her sharp teeth into your skin. she sucks a few more marks into the flesh before dragging her tongue in a line from the bottom of your neck back to your chin, staring into your eyes once she stops.

“clothes. clothes off, now.”

she obeys your demand, standing straight up to start working at her boots before tugging off her shirt like it’ll burn her, your slight giggling doing nothing to help her speed. once she’s done she looks back down at you, rolling her eyes to the sight of you laid pretty on your stomach, arms cushioning your head as you wait for her to undo the basic laces on your dress.

“you really are a spoiled princess, huh?” karlachs deep laugh does nothing to stop the need growing inside you, and neither does the feel of her hands ghosting over your back.

“don’t be mad just because i know my worth, brute.”

you can only let out a gasp when her fingers dig into the fabric and rip it down the middle, yanking the ruined dress out from under you. she waste no time in getting you into the position she wants, spreading your legs apart and pushing you down by the middle of your back.

“if i’m being too rough you’ll tell me, yeah?” you weakly nod your head from its place in your covers, but with a small pinch to the left cheek of your ass you know that was the wrong answer. “give me words, baby.”

“yeah, yes, fuck i will.” you don’t have time to be embarrassed by the desperation in your voice, since as soon as the affirmation leaves your mouth her fingers are spreading apart the lips of your cunt and licking a hard slow line up into you.

if she wasn’t explicitly put inside this keep to keep you safe you would have thought she was trying to kill you in the most euphoric way possible. she eats you like she’s starving and isn’t sure when she’s going to eat again. you then remember that before you the last time she slept with someone else was back when she was free in baldurs gate, so a decades worth of longing and lust has been steadily building inside her body.

and now she’s going to take all of it out on you. the thought just makes more cum run down your legs, eagerly caught by the hot mass of her tongue.

you thought she’d be more talkative but instead she’s laser focused on your center; she spreads you farther and farther to get a better view of you, rubbing at your clit with her wide thumb before pinching it when you wiggle your hips back at her. she ignores your whines in favor for drawing those deep sounds from the inside of your chest when she takes the bud inside her mouth and sucks, pulling roughly until your legs start to shake.

“karlach, fuck ‘m close, ‘m close!”

“that’s it, come on princess, cum for me. cum so i can split you open around me and make you mine.”

and like she’s a god that commands it you do, back arching near painfully as your hands fist the sheets and your throat goes raw with the force of your moan bordering on a scream. the whole time she refuses to slow down, sucking even harder as you cum so hard you fear you’ll pass out.

a minute later your high starts to die down, slick covering your thighs and a light sheen of sweat coating the rest of your body. you knew you’d been pent up these past few weeks with only your hand and pillow for satisfaction, but that was…intense.

you feel karlach pressing light kisses to your backside, leaving more little bites and marks around your hips and up your back. she briefly settles her body on top of yours, and while the weight and feel of her sends fireworks up to your brain and down to your cunt, the warmth of her is making the sweat on your back feel even worse, a pout forming on your lips.

“mmm, you’re hot.”

“glad you noticed.” she laughs, the deep timber of it rumbling through her body and into yours. for a brief second, you think you’d like to feel it for the rest of your life. the thought of it only makes you more desperate, trying to burrow your face deeper into the bed.

“think you can handle another? or does the princess need her bath and rest already?”

with a newfound determination, you try your best to lift her off of you, pushing your hips back into hers in the hopes she’ll feel enough pity to give in and roll off of you. instead, you get the opposite, both of you moaning at the grind of your ass against her groin. and fuck, does she feel big. bigger than you've ever taken, and there were some heavy hitters at the tavern you'd frequently sneak out to. soldiers who were big and strong and looking for a pretty thing to make their troubles go away for the night.

and now you had the upgraded model of all of them combined in front of you, lips still covered in your cum as she stared at your body like she wanted nothing more than to get her hands on it and not let go until she was fully sated. you crane your neck back and up to kiss her, tasting yourself as the two of you share a sweet yet intimate kiss, tongues fighting for dominance before you give up and let her win, hips continuing to buck when her long muscle pushes its way into your mouth and starts to explore.

you can only hold on to your small amount of patience for so long, and karlach starting to suck and bite at your tongue isn't helping in the slightest. your hands desperately reach up to grab at her, any part of her you can reach. you grasp helplessly at her large hand that's gently wrapped around your throat, her claws just barely scratching the sides. she squeezes the tiniest bit and you nearly cum from that alone.

“aw, you’re so desperate for it, aren't you baby?” she chuckles, loosening her grip so you can give a weak ‘mhm’ in response. “tell me what you want and it's yours.”

you tilt your head back farther, big wet eyes staring back at hers and clearly having the desired effect if her lip bite and groan are any indication.

“just want you. want you inside me so badly it hurts.”

in under a second her strong arms are flipping you around like it is nothing, spreading your legs and holding them up for you to hold, your brain instantly following her lead and doing as she intends. while you do that her hands are busy pushing the fabric of her pants down her hips, throwing them to the floor with a huff before she settles back in front of you, staring at you as you stare at her. well, a part of her.

she takes a few seconds to revel in the attention you’re giving her, pretty eyes trailing up and down her body, spread out oh so obediently for her while you willingly give yourself to her to indulge in. she’ll have to remember to tell you how much it means to her in the morning because all she can focus on now is fucking you until the both of you pass out.

and so she fits herself into place, swollen thighs helping to keep yours apart as a red hand goes to align herself with your entrance, catching your eyes again and waiting for your enthusiastic nod before pushing herself inside. you moan at the combination of pleasure and pain, grip on your legs faltering as your head falls back onto the bed. karlach isn’t doing better, moaning at the same time as you at the feeling of finally getting to be inside you.

“gods-fuck,” she groans, pushing her hips further until she’s finally fit her entire length inside of you. you’re given a few moments to adjust, but impatient as ever you buck your hips, whining as despite the fullness it’s still not enough.

she smiles, resting her body on top of yours, throwing your legs over her shoulders, and kisses you before starting to thrust at a speed that makes your eyes cross.

there are no words to describe how it makes you feel, just like there are no words you’re able to speak as she wrecks you oh so beautifully and oh so roughly. the only sounds in the room are the rough plap plap plap’s of her thighs meeting yours, the wet sounds of her length coming in and out of you, and the squeaky moans being exerted from your chest that had your cheeks hot to the touch.

needing to ground yourself you reach out for any part of her you can, fight hand gripping around the thick keratin of her horn. your left can only grip onto the stub of her other one, but as your nails dig into the skin at the bottom of it a loud cry leaves the barbarian as she somehow makes her thrusts hit even deeper.

you can’t even begging to imagine what you look like, the (former?) esteemed and regal crown princess spread out and moaning at the top of your lungs as a blood war fighting tiefling barbarian fucks you six ways into next sunday. but with each passing minute of her dick pressing into that oh so good spot inside of you, you can’t find it in you to care. you deserve this. karlach deserves this.

and gods is it so hot to see how much she takes advantage. she has all the stamina of a titan, only momentarily stopping her brutal pace to make sure your weak legs stay up and apart. if you didn’t know any better you’d think she was in a trance, gaze fixed on the sight between the both of your legs.

with a gentle tug on her horns you bring her head back up to look at you, those beautiful amber eyes droopy as her mouth falls open in another moan. you whine and yank slightly harder, pursing your lips at her confused face when you realize you’re still unable to communicate anything other than squeaks.

she brings her lips to yours so fast your heads bump, both of you giggling into the kiss. despite the continued frenzied movements below its sweet and intimate, a soft and fuzzy feeling growing in your chest as she pulls away and starts to press short kissed to your lips and cheeks.

“feels so good, princess, you’re so damn good.” she pants, resting her head in the crok of your neck. the small bit of praise makes you whine and clench around her, her thrusts stuttering for a moment before she digs her knees harder in the bed to make up for the extra resistance.

“aww, you like that?”

you turn your head in the opposite way out of embarrassment, hoping she’ll drop it and bring her focus back to the view of how her cock gradually comes back sticker each time she pulls out of you. instead she nudges her forehead into your chin, bringing your eyesight back to her.

“you like to act like a brat but you just wanna be all good and pretty for me, don’t you? it’s alright, you can tell me.”

face scrunching, you scratch your fingers again at the stub of her horn and she lets out a mix between a groan and a laugh, quickly hitting her hand down to the apex of your thighs and rub harsh circles on your clit.

“oh fuck, karlach, fuck!” your words are high and slurred, mind going blank at the pleasure she forces onto you. you feebly try to slow her down, gripping around her wrist to try and calm the overwhelming pressure building up. “i can’t, can’t it’s-“

“cmon baby, can talk a bug game but can’t take it? do it for me, yeah?”

she doesn’t wait for your answer, cutting off any potential sass as her finger rubs faster and harder and she tilts her hips ever so slightly upwards so she’s pressing directly into your spot, and in under a minute you’re clenching around her and nearly losing your mind at the sheer force of your orgasm, too blinded by the pleasure to notice karlachs strained keen as her thrusts come to a halt and the warm feeling of her cum flows inside of you.

she allows you to bask in the euphoric peace between sleep and consciousness for a few minutes, pulling herself out of you and gently shushing you at your strained whimper. her fingers brush away some of the stray sweaty hairs from your forehead and pressing sweet pecks to your cheeks.

“need some help, hun?” she asks, already predicting your tired nod. without a hitch she gently picks you up, not wanting to disturb you from the peaceful state you were currently in. with all the grace of a ghost she carries your limp body to the small bathroom, turns on the enchanted tub faucet, and gently placed your in the warm water with her sat behind you.

you go in and out over the next hour. you remember the feel of her rubbing the sweat off of your skin, her gentle praises whispered into your hair, her body warming up your towel to dry you off before tugging your nightgown over your head. when she rests your body on tops of hers on your bed, with the gentle hum of her engine calling you to slumber, your final thought is that you wouldn’t mind staying in this tower a little longer.

for the next few weeks everything is nothing short of perfect. the introduction of romance only brings the two of you closer, never going more than an hour separated. its nice to pretend that the two of you aren’t trapped and are instead two lovers on a really weird vacation, spending your days eating magic food, reading books, and making love before doing it all again the next. day.

elisia surprisingly only visit once, silent as a ghost when she appeared in the doorway of the simple chamber room when karlach had decided to join you on a small couch while you were napping, staring at the both of you silently before huffing and leaving in a plume of smoke.

now, you've always been a deep sleeper, something that worried your parents in infancy but became something they were glad for when they heard comparisons to babies that cried all throughout the night. as soon as your head hit a pillow? it was lights out, your body quickly drifting off into a peaceful slumber until you were ready to arise exactly eight hours later.

when you finally start gaining those first few bits of consciousness you feel floaty, high off of what happened the night before, and your body ready to cuddle up to the warm and cozy tiefling still in bed with you.

but when your fingers extend to the soft sheets next to you they feel nothing. she's not there.

your body jerks up, grasping the shirts to cover your chest in a grasp for self-comfort as you look around your room, which is also empty.

you know logically she’s probably off for a short while to get something to eat or doing her daily rounds around the keep, your brain coming up with any scenario other than ‘regretted last night and left you in the dust.’.

before you can come up with more ways to drive yourself crazy, you can hear faint noises in the distance and below you - metal clashing, grunts of exertion, before the sound of someone hitting the wall so roughly that there's no way they didn't break any bones rouses you from your bed, quickly throwing a robe over your body before rushing down the spiraled stairs.

you let out a shrill shriek when a large airborne object nearly takes your head clean off as soon as your foot touches the last step, heart racing so quickly you fear you’ll pass out. your eyes focus on the space in front of you as you quickly try to figure out what danger has entered your ‘home.’

karlach, dressed only in her small sleeping top and trousers is rigid and staring straight at you, clearly disturbed by your scream and unmoving until your subtle nod lets her know you’re unharmed, she has a few bumps and scrapes including a long bleeding gash on her arm, blood trickling down until it reaches her fingers which are gripped around one of the large kitchen knives.

you don't need to ask what the danger is because it'd be hard to miss it even if you were blind. there's a knight standing just a few feet away from her, donned in shining silver armor and holding a similar shining steel sword. his helmet has been thrown aside to reveal an admittedly dashing face and blonde mane, the stereotypical look of a prince charming.

well. charming until he opens his mouth.

“princess y/n! finally, i have found you! your father the king has been contacting numerous kingdoms to track you down and bring you home safely. don't worry about this beast, i will slay it and you will finally be safe from your captors!”

“oh you want a beast i’ll show you a beast, pretty boy-” karlach moves to attack the knight before you step in front of her, placing a gentle hand on her chest to stop her in her tracks.

“how did you get in here, sir?”

“its sir garrick, your highness…” the man answers, eyes flicking between you and the hand you have on karlachs chest. you don't care to move it, though.

“and how did you get in here? you just.. walked through the drawbridge? no other obstacles?”

he nods. and though its an answer it does nothing to help you or karlach answer the question on your minds.

“do you reckon she’s dead?” karlach asks.

“i doubt we could be that lucky.” you roll your eyes and turn to face her, the woman relaxed at your touch but still on guard because the knight is still staring at the two of you like he just saw an owl bear pick up a lute and start singing. you do suppose this was rather odd, a lost princess found in a tower and gravitating to the giant barbaric tiefling rather than the knight in shining armor.

when you look into karlach’s eyes you can see a glimmer of hope inside of them, just the same as when you revealed your feelings for one another and when she’d tell you her dreams of returning to her home city again in the dead of night.

“well clearly she allowed this guy to get in here, or else he’d probably have a goats head and a cows arse by now-“

“excuse me, what’d you say?”

“which means she might allow us to leave, right? probably with some invisible strings attached?” karlach’s hand lightly grips your waist, her smile wide as she even considers the possibility of the both of you leaving.

and while you try your hardest to outwardly match her enthusiasm, your mind is racing with questions and hypotheticals. this woman had a vendetta against your father, went through the trouble to take one of zariels prized soldiers and have her watch over you day in and day out, and now you could just…walk out?

karlach goes to retrieve some proper clothing while you and the ever-so-confused knight stay where you are, the man thankfully answering every question you have while you wait for your companion to come back. you can tell he desperately wants to ask about your closeness, subtly reminding you that he's been trained to take on large threats in enclosed spaces, even fighting numerous devils in his travels. you ignore it as your mind continues to race with the possibilities of what could happen when you walk through that door, if this is all some sick joke and as soon as you walk through the doorway you’ll throw up your own guts.

but it fades when karlach comes bounding back down, fully geared and with a small bag slung over her shoulder, failing to hide the optimistic smile on her face. her large hand encloses around yours, and you cant help but to return the smile and grip her hand just the slightest bit harder.

“alright pretty boy, show us the way home.”

the knight hurriedly nods and starts towards the entrance. when you reach the large stone door, the one you've stared at so many times with despair in your heart, its indescribable the feeling you have when the sun hits your face and the sounds of birds tweeting fills your ears.

karlach is shaking your hand, smile wide and eyes bright at she looks up at the sky for the first time in a decade. as you start to walk she rambles about all the foods she cant wait to try, visiting her home city again, sleeping in a real bed for once, and all you can think is that you would stick yourself in that tower again just to keep her by your side.

[hawnks]

You're in that dress, and Keigo just can't help himself. Tossing you on the bed and peeling it off you, inch by heavenly inch. His lips seek out every new piece of you revealed, nibble, sucking, moaning. But that's not all his mouth is doing.

He lays on the praise. Thick.

"You're so beautiful. So soft and gorgeous and delicious. God the sight of you in these straps--" He snaps one for emphasis, not even pausing the stroke of his other hand as he moves down your thighs. He grins at you when he reaches your panties. "And how did you know this is my favorite color?"

You're not even sure you remember which pair you're wearing. You're not even sure he knows, if it even matters or if any pair that's presently on you is his favorite.

He nibbles at your waist, the pliable v where your hips begin. He tells you how tasty you are, how he just wants to swallow you whole. You drive him mad, the feel of you, your scent in his lungs, the way you groan when he does this, or squeak when he does this.

And suddenly it's all too much. Squirming not just from the constant stimulation, but the nonstop compliments. Flustered and overwhelmed, you reach for his hair, intending to tug him off you until you can get your heartbeat under control.

But he's faster than you, grabbing your wrists and snapping them back to the mattress. Trapping you there.

"I must admit, there's nothing I don't love about you," he says, edging closer towards the apex of your thighs, "but if I had to choose, this must be one of my favorite parts. Life changing, to be quite honest."

And if you don't believe him, he waxes on it for the rest of the night.

[shadesoflsk]

OLDER LEON HEADCANONS

pairing: older!Leon x gn!reader.

warnings:  age gap implied, fluff, no explicit nsfw, basically Leon being an old man.

After retiring, you thought Leon would use his free time to sleep more. After all, he has served the country for more than twenty years. But you always find yourself on an empty bed with no signs of your partner being in the room.

Leon religiously wakes up at 6 o’clock. No matter if it is a rainy Sunday morning. He says he wants to see the news, but he falls asleep pathetically fast as soon as he hits the couch. Sometimes, holding a mug that has been replaced several times. Old man can’t understand that if he falls asleep, all of his body does too. No… you’re not the one who is spilling coffee all over the rug. Why the hell would you do that?

Talking about mugs, he has an obsession with them. Since most of his own “magically” break, he has a whole ass collection. “Best dad ever,” says one. He has no child but he thinks it’s funny as hell. It isn’t, you tell him. “You don’t get me”, he responds back with a roll of his eyes and a grunt as he sits down.

You may have lied about something. You’re guilty for breaking one of his beloved mugs. However, it wasn't your fault. You were in charge of doing the dishes that day, Leon was comfortably laying on the couch, playing candy crush at full volume. He wasn’t deaf… not at all yet it seems that hearing “tasty” every time he swipes on a candy is fucking hilarious. What your poor heart didn’t expect was Leon sneezing so hard that God may have heard him. Your heart dropped, and so did his beloved mug. Shattering in pieces as soon as it hit the floor. 

He doesn't mind your youthful behavior. The generational differences didn’t seem so big when you two were in love. You love going out, drinking and dancing. He does too, he swears. But for him, nothing is better than a little trip to the supermarket. 

He loves comparing prices. Why the hell has the jar of pickles’ price risen? “No babe you don’t understand, it shouldn't be so expensive.” He tries reasoning with you with no avail since you get the damn jar and place it in the basket. That same jar of pickles would be the cause of one embarrassing moment with Leon.

Leon takes pride in his humor. He’s funny, he’s hilarious, and he deserves a spot on stand-up comedy night. Or at least he thinks so. You were at the cashier as the employee did his job. His actions, though, were interrupted when the code from the product couldn’t be scanned. “Please Lord… don’t make him say it.” You think to yourself as Leon watches the scene developing. Time seems to slow down as you see his lips moving. “Must be free then.” He laughs as if it was the funniest thing he ever said. 

Leon was a provider, economically and intimately speaking. He loves surprising you, especially when you are busy with something else. Are you doing laundry? No, that can’t be. You were unexpectedly attacked with wet kisses on your neck, his breath caressing you from behind as he whispered sweet nothings against your ear. Years made him a needy man but God he loves your scent. As his hands were holding your waist, you decided to turn around and kiss him better. When you did, your eyes traveled from his blue orbs, to his lips, to the moles adorning his neck and throat, to his broad chest, to his waist, to his… Why the hell is he wearing crocs with socks? You didn’t expect to be turned off almost immediately. 

You often find yourself looking for Leon in your apartment. Sometimes you would find him watching TV or playing with you guys’ dog. “Have you seen your dad?” You pet the golden retriever on its back. It obviously doesn’t respond back, but by the way its eyes are glued to the door that leads to the garden, you assume Leon has to be there. 

Eventually, you found him there. You have to hold back a giggle as you observe him with the classical dad stance. Hands glued to his hips as he watches the sky. “Is God trying to send you a message?” You lean against the door frame with a teasing look on your face. “No, but I know for a fact that it’s going to rain.” Leon quietly replied as his eyes remained focused on the now cloudy sky.

Texting Leon was… something else. Don’t misunderstand him, he worships the ground you walk on but texting him was like talking to a wall. You could be in a life or death situation and Leon’s answer would be a thumbs up. Or when he’s finally typing something? It’s all in caps.

“DARLING I'M AT THE STORE DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?” Why is he yelling? What point is he trying to make?

“OK BABE CALL ME IF ANYTHING HAPPENS.” He continues yelling.

“LOVE YOU.”

“😃👍” Those emojis…

He has a buddy. He has many buddies. He loves helping, or rather he loves watching someone else struggling. Not in a bad way, really. His life as an agent made him dependent on the feeling of being useful. One day, someone’s car broke down right in front of your home. He took this opportunity to be the good citizen that he is. “My buddy Chris would surely know what to do…” Leon mumbles after thirty minutes of trying to help this poor man with his car. 

Overall, you love this old man of yours. He’s the sweetest partner you’ve ever had. You can always lean on him whenever you need someone to take care of all of your problems. He loves you and definitely loves showing you off as the romantic partner he is. Dates are a must every weekend, dressing all pretty and fancy to eat some dinner at a place which name you don’t remember. However… you could never escape his dad’s jokes.

“What’s the damage?” he asks the waiter as he pulls out his wallet. God you love him.

[evolutionsvoid]

As the lumberjacks of old times could tell you, the forest is full of mysteries and dangers. In some cases, though, there can also be mischief. Sometimes, the creatures in these woods aren't here to cause bodily harm, instead finding amusement in causing confusion and the occasional fisticuffs.

While most folk call this species "Toteroad Shagamaw," its original name was simply "Shagamaw." That is what the natives in this region used to refer to this odd creature, with the "toteroad" part only coming in when lumberjacks began to encounter it. To the first people of this land, the Shagamaw was a tracker's entry test, to see if one was skilled enough to follow the ever-changing footprints. At first they would look like bear tracks, but then later moose, when in truth it was neither of these beasts. Shagamaw were rarely hunted, but were kept away from settlements due to their taste for cloth. Due to their shifting bodies, changing tracks and thieving ways, they were seen as an embodiment of a trickster god. When settlers came to these lands, and the lumber industry began, these strangers were quick to learn why the Shagamaw earned such a reputation.

The arrival of outsiders to their woods must have been a joyous time for the Shagamaw, as they now had a new crop of ignorant folk to torment. The natives here had long figured out the Shagamaw's tricks and deceptions, even knowing that they walked 440 steps on one set of limbs before rotating. But this fresh batch was unaware, and had the tendency to ignore the locals. And as their industry moved in, so did a new supply of cloth and cotton for them to eat.

Thus the Shagamaws began to pop up around logging camps and travel the tote roads. They would swipe whatever clothing had been left out, and use trickery to make workers leave behind tasty pieces. Their tracks leaving camp would garner attention, and thus the lumberjacks would pursue. However, their efforts would inevitably fail, as the tracks shifted into different shapes. While this was meant to confuse their pursuers, it also caused quite a few fights when inebriated loggers would accuse one another of misidentifying tracks and following the wrong beast. Shagamaws would purposefully choose tracks that would best garner a response: be it a moose for eager hunters, or a bear's when looking to scare folk away. All of this was done to lure lumberjacks away from camp or their washings, and then the Shagamaw would swoop in for dinner.

While they had good times at the loggers' expense, they would not last forever, as even these folk would grow wise to these antics. Eventually they would identify the Shagamaw and learn how to spot their tracks. Lumberjacks refused to get baited by them, and they would instead start using traps to catch these buggers. While the meat on these creatures was a bit lacking, folk found amusement out of their strange pelts. To have the fur of both a moose and bear all in one! Trappers and hunters would catch them for these furs, selling them as wonderful oddities and quaint trophies. Even as the years went on, the strangeness of a Shagamaw's pelt still delighted folk, and their hunting continued. Thankfully, these creatures are smarter than most other woodland critters and knew when to make themselves scarce. They would eventually retreat deeper into the wilds to avoid hunting, and their populations spent quite a few years in hiding. However, the pressure would soon relent, and the Shagamaw's would start spreading back out again. Times had changed, which helped in some regard but infuriated in others. What were the Shagamaws to do when they found that humans no longer cared about simple tracks?

In modern times, the Shagamaw is an odd relic that earns an amused snort and that's about it. Man was no longer deceived by their baffling tracks, but mostly because they didn't track any more. A person walking the woods would only point at such markings and then move on, never taking the bait. Such deceptions were lost on the common folk, and thus the gimmick of the Shagamaw was ineffective. While the species is still appreciated in some regards, like two-in-one stuffed animals and hunting club mascots, the Shagamaw wound up slipping into unconcerned obscurity. Maybe you may hear the old tidbit about how there used to be the "Shagamaw" unit of distance. Be it "two legs of a Shagamaw" (that is 440 steps), or "one leg" (220 steps) or "four legs" (880 steps). But the most they do now is torment the occasional rookie camper, scaring them with bear tracks near their tent and making off with left out hiking socks.

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"Toteroad Shagamaw"

Okay, may have gone a liiiiittle nutty with the design on this one, but I really didn't want to draw a regular ol satyr for this. Oh hi, Buer!

[tenjikufag]

OO SHOULDVE ASKED AGES AGO BUT

Thoughts on the other male dungeon meshi characters? Shuro, Senshi, Chilchuck, Kabru, etc?

Also would like to hear about the female cast too, if that tickles some fancy to your brain to spoot (spit) out about them too :}

I adore all the men in this series, cmon they’re all so edible and tasty. My personal faves (outside of Laios) are Chilchuck, Mithrun, Thistle, and ofc Senshi. (When it comes to the men specifically!)

These characters all have very different personalities so I’d probably make a whole hc post or even relationship Drabble post for them some time in the future. I have lots of fun and nasty cute thoughts about them. But to satiate you momentarily before I get to those, I’ll give you a one or two hcs about them.

read below the cut, as usual. sfw. not proofread

Chilchuck

Man is a jealous guy, like JEALOUS jealous. He can’t help it. Even he thinks to himself how childish it is to have these feelings as a grown man dating ANOTHER GROWN MAN. It’s not something he outwardly expresses either, it’s hard to decipher him being jealous or if it’s just a bad day for him. (To him, it’s both.) under his breathe he’s muttering threats and such towards whomever is taking your attention or flirting with you- maybe they’re simply too friendly for his liking. Maybe they brushed your arm or shoulder while talking and it takes everything in him to take on the Not Half Foot at your heels. Even if it is another half foot he still wouldn’t outwardly act on it- he knows better and knows he needs to learn how to deal with these situations and emotions.

Mithrun

He is not one for physical affection, privately and obviously in public. But, he’s come to enjoy sitting infront of you while you card through his hair and thrum your fingers on his neck. Gently prying apart the small, loose knots in the strands he’s gotten throughout the day. He can’t help but lean into you, with his eyes closed with the softest smile to pair with it while you massage his scalp, moving down to gently circle or tap the soft skin on his neck. You could be talking about your day, talking about everything or anything, or maybe even nothing. The feeling of your hands so lovingly passing over the tension stored in him lets him fall asleep quite easily these days. It’s unknowingly become a routine for the two of you. When the two of you reunite at the end of the day, he’ll find you and sit infront of you regardless of where you are. And he sits there, not once has he ever had to ask and by gods he wouldn’t ever want to ask.. but luckily for him, you’ve grown to enjoy the intimate routine.

He’s comfortable. He never knew such a simple thing like a scalp massage could ease so much tension in his body and mind.

Thistle

Enjoys doing your hobbies together. Whether it’s baking, cooking, sewing, crocheting; he is more than content to sit beside you and either watch or partake in the activity. Sometimes the two of you will chat while doing it, listen to whatever music you happen to be into- maybe he’s sharing his own taste of music with you- and other times, like when he’s watching, it’s a nice time for him to relax in the presence of someone he actually enjoys and finds himself comfortable with. You don’t expect anything of him, and it lifts an unknown weight from him. It’s a safe space and time for him, with you, in these moments, he doesn’t need to worry his pretty little head about anything.

Senshi

Weirdly enough, in my head, he will not let you cook. You’re his significant other and he wants to feed you! He barely lets you eat out aswell. Even if you enjoy cooking, he’d much rather you tell him what it is that you want or tell him how to do it. You can be his sous chef but to him, when it comes to you specifically, this is an intimate act of love for him. Being able to satiate any cravings or wants in regards to food fills him with nothing but pride.

Must remember to be mindful if you happen to enjoy cooking from someone else if you’re away because he will always find some way to make it far better than however whoever else made it. Acts of service, like making food and meals for you, is his love language.

—

As for the women, I ADORE Marcille, Fleki, and Tade. Even though I don’t see myself writing for female characters (aside from maybe platonic plot lines in fics) I do like them a fair bit!