#god sorry im exhausted and sappy

[checkinder]

It's 6am (basically) and I feel sappy as hell but like

I think the best thing in the world is when someone gives you something because they saw it and thought of you. Images randomly? Amazing. Was in the store and remembered you like this thing they saw so they picked it up? Incredible.

It's nice when someone just sees something and goes "I know exactly who'd enjoy it" because god you're right. You could be miles off and I'd still be thrilled that you just thought of me.

[coridallasmultipass]

TW for my usual unhinged stance on puppets, if you're following me, you know. If you're not, I'm sorry (not sorry). ((If you're the author or narrator, I'm actually sorry.))

Okay, so because I'm allowed to be freaky on main about puppets on this site, I just wanna tell everyone, because everyone should know that creepypasta narrator Lighthouse Horror just posted a story (by author Alonso Solis) about an evil puppet show a few days ago, and I just listened, and I loved it.

Now onto freaky business:

Headcanoning the main char as a puppetfucker bc c'mon, that bromance, the way he lovingly describes Mr. Smiley's appearance, what he does before leaving the old studio towards the end... Just... Mmmm... *chef's kiss* love this kinda content. I'll sleep soundly dreaming I could have someone like that. Y'know? Big, glassy eyes, big grin, secret evil laugh, mildly self-animate...

[sungbeam]

𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐲

ji changmin x gn!reader

1.3k words, est. relationship au, hurt/comfort, minor fluff but more angst?, a bit of silliness, mentions of work pressures, neck kisses, intimacy, mentions of playful biting, pretty much not beta'd or proofread (past my bedtime; written in an hour)

a/n: @kimsohn saw some of the goofiness first <3 ily (*breathes in deeply* idk what im doing guys. anyways, this belongs in the category labeled "i get yappy and sappy when im existentially exhausted")

In the dark, the clock on top of the oven screamed “3:22AM” in angry, red light. You stumbled past it, vision blurry and footsteps as quiet as you could make them against the hardwood. Your bones ached to the marrow and you could feel the blood throbbing violently in your skull; you could not sleep.

It had been three hours of tossing and turning before you completely gave up and slipped out into the kitchen. Usually, it wasn't too difficult for you to fall asleep, but alas, there would always be exceptions.

You managed to find the opened bag of tangerines on the kitchen counter, the orange, wiry mesh already torn from the last person who'd grabbed one to snack on. As your eyes grew accustomed to the dark, you dug your nail into its skin and began to peel it open.

Through your daze, you just barely registered the sound of the bedroom door opening—footsteps followed after and came closer; they weren't trying to stay quiet like you were, as there wasn't any reason to anymore. Hands patted you down from your shoulders to your arms until they could settle comfortably around your waist; his body slid flush against your back like a puzzle piece, still warm from being in bed. Hair tickled the underside of your jaw as he nestled his chin into the crook of your shoulder, the ghost of his breath fanning across your skin like a caress, relieved.

“Did I wake you?” You murmured, forcing yourself awake a little as you felt him lean more of his weight against you.

A low hum. “Bed got cold.”

The corners of your mouth tilted upward as you stuck a piece of fruit into your mouth—it was summer; the bed couldn't have been cold. Juice spilled over your tongue in a comfortingly sweet tang, and you went for another. “Sorry, love. Do you want some?” You asked, holding onto a piece of tangerine.

“Mm-mm,” Changmin hummed, shaking his head with a slight movement. You felt his arms give your body a squeeze. “Are you okay?” He asked, voice small.

You shoveled the remainder of the tangerine half into your mouth, hands reaching for another one to keep yourself busy as you chewed, then swallowed. “Tired.”

“Is it the thing?”

Just the thought of the thing—the project you were given charge of at work—made you wish the ground would swallow you up. Your hands stilled on the orange.

The project was the first you were given a manager role for, as they thought it appropriate because you came up with the idea, but it seemed to only be an excuse to overload you with every Herculean task they could think of. You were practically chained to your cubicle desk until day's end, only leaving to go to the bathroom and attend another god forsaken meeting. Where home was supposed to be for rest, you were often slumped over the dining table, stressing yourself silver.

The thought of Monday… no, you couldn't think of Monday. You'd gone so long working on this thing—how could they make you loathe an idea that you proposed?

At your lack of an answer, there came a small breath against your neck. His thumb gently rubbed your side back and forth, the ebb and flow of the tide. “I'm sorry, baby. I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm proud of you.”

“It does mean something,” you countered quietly, and moved one of your hands to place it over his that rested over your stomach. “I'm just—I hate it here sometimes.”

The two of you seemed to sigh at once, your chests raising up then deflating in tandem. It made the knots in your shoulders loosen for just a moment, and you could release some of the strain keeping you tight and awake.

“One more,” he coaxed lowly. “In—”

You both slowly pulled air up through your nose to fill the caverns in your chests.

“—Out.”

As all things came and went, so too did this breath.

“Good,” he murmured, his lips pressing something sweet against your throat.

You were too tired to cry, but you might have just then. Sometimes it was just a project, but other times it was everything to you. It was born from your two hands, your brains, your back, your bones. Plenty of blood, sweat, and tears had seeped into every proposal and presentation, but you could never tell if it was enough. Would it ever be enough?

Changmin's head shifted as you snuck another piece of orange past your lips. “Remember,” he said, “when we were in college, and I let you text girls on my Hinge?”

Your mouth sweetened into a smile at the memory. “It was only because I let you text the guy who'd given me his number.”

“He was so lame—he clearly just wanted you to go see that new Stephen King movie so he could hold your hand.” You could feel him roll his eyes in the dark, though his voice remained syrupy with sleep.

You held back a snort. “That's the point, hon. If I remember correctly, the pick-up lines I used on those girls actually worked.”

“Crazy.”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes. You chewed on the next piece of fruit, swallowing it down before speaking again. “At least one of us has game.”

You felt the light pressure of his teeth against your shoulder, and you let out a surprised laugh. You didn't jerk away though—awfully used to your partner's strange language of affection—but you did push back against his forehead in lighthearted reprimand. “We talked about the biting.”

“Yeah, and you said you liked it.”

It was a good thing you didn't have fruit in your mouth. You warmed the slice of orange in your palm as you let the heat leave your cheeks and your neck. He could undoubtedly feel how flushed you were, and he seemed to preen at it.

“Gotcha,” he said smugly, and the smile on his lips molded against your skin as he left a kiss behind your ear. He nuzzled his nose there, too, fingers dancing along your side.

“I love you,” he said next. These words were quiet again. “I hate seeing you like this.”

You knew he meant the state he found you in—hunched over in the dark, eyes glazed over, and dread thrashing in your ears to fill the silence. The laughter that lit up your face just now had been his doing, his attempt at easing all of that burden.

You laid your head against his. “I love you, too.” You hated feeling this way, but some things had to be done. You had to see this one through, and you would.

“Don't run yourself ragged for this,” he said, as if reading your mind. “Can't let you lose yourself.”

The corners of your eyes prickled, your vision going blurry again. Your chewing slowed and you finished the last of the orange in your hands to clear the way for him to grab your fingers to intertwine them with his. He rocked your bodies slowly, dreamily—he was the gentle swaying of the waves beneath the raft you laid upon—and he was keeping you above water.

“Senior year of high school—” a miniscule break in his own voice, “—when college decisions came out… you didn't speak for so long, didn't eat. It was so quiet, and I—I didn't know how to help you.” Back then, the two of you were only labeled as best friends; you still hadn't decided if what you had back then was what you had now, but it was love in some form of the word and feeling. You supposed in every phase of knowing Ji Changmin, what you felt for him was love. “Can I help you now, please? How can I help you?”

You sucked in a breath and it came out trembling. “I'm just tired.”

“Yeah.”

“Just—that’s all. Just be here with me.”

You could feel his slight nod that turned into a tuck into your shoulder. Your pulse fluttered beneath the brush of his lips, his hands tightening around you. (I'm not going anywhere, not without you.)

In a night quickly dissolving into daylight, he held you and held you and held you.

tbz m.list

permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @outrologist @rikizm @luumiinaa @lotties-readings @tinkerbell460 @kaaimins @hyunjaespresent-deobi @otterly-fey @gluion @floatingpluto @winterchimez @ethereal-engene @gyulfriend @polarisjisung @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @loveliestfelix @bless-311 @zhaixiaowen @leaz-kpop-life @amourdsr @pxppxrminty @kqyutie @sseastar-main @kxthleen14 @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @kflixnet @bjnet

[all4ston3]

my perfect girl

summary; you’re having a bad body image day, and matt comforts you

cw!!; talk of bad body image, not liking yourself, matt praises you, kissing

774 words, 5 min read time

note!! ;; this might suck so beware,, but i guess i wrote this as a way to comfort myself. im battling with an ed at the moment and my body image has really deteriorated, and i’ve been wanting comfort for a long time, but i have nobody to provide such comfort, especially so intimately. so thank god for writing. if anyone else id struggling with body image, you’re perfect the way you are. i know its cheesy but we’re just human. ur body is so uniquely your own, and that’s what makes it perfect. sorry for getting all sappy but dealing with this type of shit sucks ASS and i hate that other people have to deal with it 2.

————————————————

you were upset with yourself. you were having one of many bad body images days, where you wish you could just change your body to how you see fit. it was late, around 10:24pm. matt was at the south park studios, and you didn’t expect him to come home until around 5 in the morning. he texted you a few times that day, informing you on how “it was just one of those days,” and how they couldn’t come up with any ideas.

you were imperfect. of course you knew everybody was imperfect, but you thought you had too many imperfections. especially compared to your sweet, compassionate, tall, handsome, your perfect boyfriend. you found yourself staring in the bathroom mirror after finishing your night time routine. the longer you stared, the bigger the lump in your throat got.

you didn’t like your body, not one bit. you let the feeling build up, trying to battle it in your head. you burst into tears eventually, still staring into the mirror while feeling your body with your hands, feeling all of those imperfections and thinking of all the things you could do to quickly fix it. how to make yourself more loveable, more desirable for your boyfriend, who you thought deserved better.

you decided to just go to sleep, not wanting to be awake to think about your body anymore. you got comfortable in bed, reaching over and turning the lamp off.

you couldn’t fall asleep, your brain plaguing you with negative thoughts. you cried, constantly wiping your tears and sniffling. your bedroom door opened after 20 minutes and you froze. matt came home early and you hadn’t noticed. you hadn’t heard the front door of your apartment shut. you didn’t want matt to see you crying, quickly wiping your tears off of your face. matt never saw you cry before, you didn’t want this to be the first encounter either.

you felt the side of your bed dip as matt sat down, and a hand caress your side as he sighed, surely exhausted from working. you unintentionally sniffled again, and the hand froze. “y/n? baby? are you okay?” the sweet voice of your boyfriend broke the silence. his voice was a sigh of relief for you, the soft, low voice that you love. you sighed and rolled over to face him, your eyes still puffy from crying.

“oh, my poor baby, what’s the matter?” he was quick to pull you up and to hug you, gently rocking you back and forth. matt knew something was off the moment he entered the bedroom. he felt the negativity radiate off your body and it hurt him. he wanted nothing more than his woman to be happy. “matt, i’m not good enough for you.. you deserve someone prettier than me. you deserve somebody with a perfect body, someone that is perfect in every way. that’s what you deserve.” you spoke into his chest, new tears prickling at your eyes. you loved being held by him, you loved his smell, how secure you felt in his arms.

he immediately pulled you back by your shoulders, the light from the hallway illuminating his face. he looked genuinely offended before scoffing and shaking his head. he was hurt his pretty girl was feeling that way. matt thought you were the most gorgeous, sexy, and lovely girl. you were his charming girl. matt squeezed your shoulders, “what on earth are you talking about, y/n? are you kidding me? when i tell you that i love you, i mean i love every single part of you. from your mind, to your pretty face, your body.. every part. you’re fucking perfect for me. you were born to be with me. it’s okay to be insecure, i am too, but to think you don’t deserve me? that’s fucking outrageous, baby.. your body turns me on so much, to me you have a perfect fucking body.”

you stared at matt. you couldn’t believe this handsome man was saying those things about you. you were absolutely flattered, grabbing his arms so you felt closer to him. he was still rambling on about his love for your beauty, and how he couldn’t imagine a person more perfect than you.

you felt loved. you felt secure. you felt pretty, even. you leaned forward and kissed matt, quick to wrap your arms around his neck. matt grabbed your waist, gently rubbing your sides before hugging you. matt didn’t let you pull away from the kiss for a few minutes. he wanted you to know just how much you meant to him. how pretty you are to him. that you’re perfect.

[imaginespazzi]

CHAPPTTTERRR NINI YAYAYAAY

- NIVI BBY i’ve missed you so so so much! i hope your vacation was fabtastic 💛

- “TW: Explicit Sexual Content” AHHH I BET UR LITTLE FREAKY ANONS SRE JUMPING WJTB JOY RN

- DAMN KK SIDED WITH DAD. i don’t like conflict this is making me sad

- THEM SAYING IT IN SYNC GOD 😭

- “I wouldn’t have cared,” Paige shrugs, “running suicides would have been worth it for an extra hour with you.” bitch, it’s suicide awareness month aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?

- AHHH SHE TOLD HER SHES GETTING THE DIVORCE!!?!!! Why are these freaks not confessing love rn

- “She’s confused when Azzi flinches, like a memory has just pinched her nerves.” THE PHONE CALL???? PAIGE RLLY DOESNT REMEMBER

- THESE BITCHES FUCKED??? yay them BUT YALL PLEASE COMMUNICATE

- OKAY BACJ TO THE NOW EEEEKK!!! don’t be shy paige go join azzi 🤗

- AWWW AZZI RIGHT YHERE READY TO KNOCK

- paige is a little freak with her short response… bitch say what u rlly want 😛😁

- S

- L

- U

- T

- S

- took them long enough

- “She’s always known exactly how to get Paige to shut the fuck up.” i laughed out loud

- “But there’s a part of Paige that had thought that there was no way Azzi could have missed her as much as she missed Azzi. Because missing Azzi had felt all consuming, like there was a constant noose around her neck that got tighter and tighter with every day that passed by” only you would turn them fucking into me being all sad

- stop azzi 🥹☹️ you’re gorgeous girl

- why the fuck am i crying rn.

- paige possessive little shit

- stop the left but you came back for the book joking around is actually making me cry because it’s literally them.

- STOP AZZI SAYING PAIGE ISNT HER DIRTY LITTLE SECRET🥹🥹 I JUST KNOW PAIGE NEEDED TO HEAR THAT

- “KATIE STOP LEAVE THEM ALONE

- The party,” Stephie cries out, “first you went to a party without me and then you had a sleepover without me. I can’t bel-ieve you guys would do that to me. Don’t you guys love me at all?” BYE IM CACKLING WHY IS STEPHIE ME… saying, oh so you hate me is my life motto😭😭 poor girl just wants a sleepover with her paige

- stephie really has paige wrapped around her finger azzi is gonna have to wrap her mouth in tape

- SLEEPOVER PT. 2?!?! where is paige sleeping is the question

- UGH LOVED THE NEW CHAPTER SO GOODDDD

- i am actually dying to find out more abt there actual break up

- ig my main question is abt like kk being upset with azzi was that her just being defensive of paige or has azzi not been talking to the others much?

-hey i finally stayed away from my cliff 🤞🤞

- sorry to say i don’t have rlly have questions and the short reactions today im so exhausted lol, HOWEVER im sorry happy you’re back and as always you’re my favorite evil genius

ily

🤩🤩

- BESTIE I LOVE YOU <3

- Lmao hopefully I've satisfied all the horniness now

- I am being nice to you....later in the chapter

- Ah you're the only person who caught that so far I think or at least who's told me they caught it. But no she does not in fact remember.

- LMAO the s l u t s killed me but yeah just a little bit. I mean can you blame them?

- Listen I couldn't make it all hot and sexy because I fear that's just not me so instead we got sappy emotional sex because you know it's me and that's all I know how to write

- Stephie's so valid for being upset like they really had a whole night without her and she's supposed to be their baby. #FreeHer

- There's been a couple of references but Azzi has actively avoided a lot of reunions and such so KK's anger is mainly from a place of missing her, not necessarily siding with Paige.

[kirschteinsj]

Pinky Promises

Nanami x fem! reader

Warnings: nothing too much! maybe language but overall just a bunch of fluff and lovey dovey stuff 

Word Count: 2.9k

Summary: Domestic Nanami and reader, just thinking about how much they love each other. sappy and cute stuff.

A/N: Hi! ^_^ Second time posting, I’ve had this one shot saved for a bit now! finally posting it lolz. I've noticed a lot of people have written domestic Nanami pics or drawn art, very glad society as a whole has this perception of him. it truly heals the soul I think. anyway, I hope u like this and sorry if there’s any grammar errors I wasnt able to catch U_U im thinking of doing a hc post next.... unsure hm, we’ll see ^_^!!

“I’m hooooome.” He says loudly as he steps through the apartment door, setting his briefcase down and taking off his beige coat. Putting down the grand kitchen knife she was using to chop up spinach, she rushed to the door with a smile and engulfed the tall blonde into a tight hug, saying hello. She took a deep breath, inhaling the soft scent of his cologne, the smell of something sour and musty soon taking over. Her face scrunched up and she let out a giggle.

“Oh god, Nanami, you stink, what did you go against today?”

“Nothing too bad. Just a grade 3,” He sighed “A smelly grade 3.” He sounded disappointed, probably because he knew he stunk too. Though the smell was horrendous, she still remained in his arms and he still held on just as tight.

“Are you tired? I was thinking of making dinner with you tonight but if you’re too tired I can-”

“No no. I’m fine. Just let me wash up and I’ll help out.”

“You sure?” She asked looking up towards him, questioning once more to reassure. He looked down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m sure, dear.”

While he showers upstairs, she gets back to readying the ingredients so they could begin cooking their masterpiece as soon as possible. Tonight she had chosen chicken alfredo with a tossed salad; One could say it was her favourite, but saying that would imply that she would eat it when cooked and served by whomever. But to her, she would only eat it when it was him who had made it for her.

Y/n adored him. He adored her. To her, he was her light. She could simply not imagine life without him, not after he had come in and changed her in such a way. She never in a million years would have thought to be so in love with someone. To have known someone who cared enough to hear all about her day or listen to all her tangents, whether they made sense or not. Who listened to her talk forever about anything just so he could see the faint glow of passion in her eyes. Someone who remembered the small details in regards to the things she loved and the things she despised; Like how she hated the feeling of peanut butter on her fingers and how she absolutely admired the scent of fresh pages in a new book. Sometimes, she felt undeserving of him.

He admired her like no other. Never did he believe he’d be capable of opening up to anyone in such a way, at least not until she walked into his life. He could write a million lists, all full of everything he loved about her. The way she smiled cheekily at him after a witty remark, how she'd give every hug as if it was the last, the way she was oh so patient with him. It took him time to become vulnerable in the slightest, he just didn’t know how to do so without burdening her. She knew his job was hard, he’d told her. But rather than running away like he expected, she stayed with him right by his side. She refused to leave him over that. If anything, it made her want to stay more since she felt the need to be there for him. It felt like a punch to the gut but a good one. ��So, is this love?” He had asked himself then. Nanami had someone who brought out the much more joyful side to him. At the end of the day, he knew he’d walk through the front door only to see her, arms wide open and with a big smile offering a cozy hug. She was his home. Sometimes, he felt undeserving of her.

Putting the final piece of broccoli into the container, she tidies any clutter and went back to their shared bedroom. Sinking into the bed and falling on it with a plush thump, she lets out a deep sigh mixed with some sort of a groan. She herself was exhausted from work too to say the least. She didn’t deal with curses or anything like that, but she did teach a class of 9 year olds which one could consider just as frustrating. Yawning, she checks her phone to read the time: 6:15 PM. Nanami hadn’t been in the shower for too long, a small nap wouldn’t hurt. Quickly, she settled for a little 30 minute nap. That way, she could get up soon enough to help him out in the kitchen and not abandon him to do everything on his own. She turns her phone off and slowly, her eyes shut.

…

Y/n slowly opens her eyes and notices a grey throw blanket placed on her, something that she doesn’t recall going to bed with earlier. “Must’ve been Nanami.” Grabbing her phone, she turns the screen on, wincing at the incredible blue light piercing into her skull. “Fuck.” she mumbles. Once her eyes adjust, she glances back at the screen for the time: 7:30.

“FUCK,” she says, voice croaking “I overslept.” With the speed of light, she leaves bed and runs down the hall to the bathroom to freshen up. She soon makes her way over to the kitchen silently, slightly ashamed and guilty. Y/n mumbles a whine with a frown, “He’s probably done making things now. I could have helped.”

The kitchen is filled with the delicate scents of sauces, cheese and herbs. She watches him from the door frame, admiring her boyfriend. He stood in front of the stove mixing at the sauce for the alfredo, which scent alone made her mouth water. Nanami seems to be in his own world, as he stands humming to himself softly, stirring the pot of sauce and adding in the broccoli and spinach, not seeming to notice y/n. With a final stir, he carefully sets the lid and turns to rinse his hands. Her gaze sits upon his figure, how his grey oversized shirt slightly clings to his shoulders and loosens as it goes down his body. Looking down, she noticed the bright red christmas pyjamas he had on, the ones with adorable little reindeers all over them. Grinning, she remembers how she had bought those for him. She purchased a matching set for the two of them and insisted on wearing them all day on Christmas last year. Nanami had responded to the idea with a stern “No” which left y/n in shambles. She didn’t expect him to agree, but hey, a girl can dream. However, on Christmas day, lo and behold, she had woken up to find Nanami sitting on the couch, watching the news with his reindeer PJs on. Immediately, she had attacked him with hugs and kisses and all Nanami did was sit there and accept them, secretly loving it the whole time.

A deep voice throws her out of her thoughts. “You know, it’s rude to stare, right?”

Y/n chuckles quietly and makes her way over, wrapping her arms around him from behind, snuggling into his back.

“I like to stare at you, you’re cute,” she breathes in his scent once again, “ah, you smell so much better now. Like the nami I know.”

“I am not cute. I am a grown man.”

“C’mon, you can’t possibly be saying that right now. Not while you’re wearing these pants.” She coos, gently patting his butt. He goes silent, refusing to rebuttal knowing that he’s lost. He leans against the counter, his front facing her. Though he didn’t say anything, y/n sees this as an open invite to his arms. The rope of his arms finds her waist this time, her arms in an embrace around his neck.

“Whatever, tell me, how was your day, hm?” He posed, changing the subject.

“Same old, yenno. The kids and I had a discussion today about drugs and safety. It was cute, hearing them rat out their neighbours for smoking cigs and talk about how yucky they thought alcohol is. It was… sweet. How was work for you, hon?”

“Shit.” He retorts, closing his eyes, “Work is shit.”

“Oh come ON, I’m sure it’s not always that bad, right? Say, how’s your friend doing, you know, the one who kinda looks like one of my makeup brushes! Isn’t he good company?”

“Yeah, if good company means having to deal with a nuisance to society on a daily basis then by all means, yes, Gojo is wonderful company.” He joked, loosening his grip on her and making his way over to the stove to check on his sauce. She follows, opening the first drawer and pulling out a silver spoon, “You’re so mean sometimes. I think he’s a great guy to be around! I met him once, such a flirt.”

He teases calmly, “If you love him so much, why don’t you get with him?”

Taking her spoon, she lowers it into the pot and brings it back up to her face, blowing on it carefully before she puts it to her lips to taste. “Hmm, I would. But I don’t think he’s as big as you. I’ll have to pass.” She smirked, putting the spoon into her mouth as he watched and sighed in disappointment.

He glares,“God, you’re something else.”

“I’m just kidding, babe.” Bringing her spoon down for another taste. He swats at her hand and she retreats it with a whine. “Don’t do that. You’ve tried it already, and will again when we get to eat.” He scolded tenderly, “Plus, you shouldn’t be given these privileges anyway. It’s not like you helped out or anything.” He smiled, teasing her.

“Nanamiiii, I’m sorry,” she whines, half laughing, “I promise, I was going to help! I just got a little bit sleepy and sort of lost track of time…” He turned over to her and lifted her face with a finger under her chin. Laughing, he delicately caresses her cheek, tapping it admirably with a curled finger. The blonde chuckles and looks her in the eyes, “I’m just joking with you, love. I know you’ve been tired lately, I can tell. Why haven’t you been resting?”

Her smile falls and she sighs. Y/n wrapped her arms around his waist and brought him into her, hiding her face into his chest. It was true, she was exhausted but she didn’t deem it to be anything so serious. Work was just heavy this past week from having to grade her students’ work in time for report cards. All she wanted was the best for her kids and was finding ways to get the kids out of their comfort zones enough to do well in class. That reminded her, Nanami also mentioned having a student of his own.

She takes her face out of his chest and glances upwards. “It’s just this week of work, I promise I’ll be back to normal soon. I’ve just been busy with lesson plans and activities, yenno. Anyway, speaking of students, how’s the one you’ve been assigned to?” She posed in a soft tone. Half smiling, he turned around to add the strained pasta to the sauce, scattering it into the pot.

“He’s special. Quite lively. And cheerful. He reminds me of you sometimes,” his voice strains as he stretches to grab the bowl of cooked chicken to finally add into the pot, finishing the meal, “He’s got potential.” Y/n beamed with happiness. Nanami really seemed to like this kid and if he thought you had potential, then it sure as hell meant you had it.

She lets out a squeal, “EEEEEEK!!! That sounds amazing! I’m so happy for you!” Nanami suppressed a laugh and rolled his eyes, “It’s not that-”

“This calls for a drink, don’t you think?” She babbled with excitement, “We should have some wine! Right?”

Grabbing her wrist as she skipped her way over to the bottle, he reminded her, “You have school tomorrow. You always end up having more than needed and struggle to wake up in the morning.” Y/n frowned at his words, to which he noticed and tried to fix, “Tomorrow’s Friday, you can drink plenty tomorrow, hm? I’ll drink with you.”

“Ugh, fine. You’re right. But you have to promise.”

“I promise you ca-”

“No! You have to pinky-promise.” She demanded, pouting as he stuck out her pinky finger.

His heart skips a beat. Was she always this cute? Her angelic eyes stare into his tired ones. Bottom lip poking out, awaiting Nanami’s pinky to interlock with her own. He knew she took pinky-promises very seriously despite her grown age. It was among one of the many petty details that he cherished. Something about this pinky-promise was enough for her to ensure trust onto someone, it made him laugh. Her naivety is what made her so kind hearted, what allowed her to see the best in people. He felt that this naivety is why they’re together to begin with. He didn’t ever think she’d give him a chance. He reminisced of their first few encounters. The way she did her hair back then, the way she dressed, her shy smile and how she’d look at the floor whenever she’d blush. Maybe it was her timid nature that made him fall head over heels for her. Or maybe it was her generosity. Perhaps her beauty. He was unable to simply confine the reasoning for his infatuation with just a few traits. She grew overtime, more comfortable and less shy, she was more confident around him but he knew he could still make her blush so badly that she’d have to hide her face from him. He enjoyed their banter, her company. He felt it was luck. Or maybe it was fate. Who knows. He didn’t want to think so much about it. He wanted to live in the moment, adore her in this present time. In that instance, he felt the strong urge to kiss her. And so he did.

The kiss was short and sweet, yet full of an unfathomable amount of love. It took her aback, she didn’t quite see it coming. She too stood in the present moment, then and there, cherishing the man she loved.

His lips leave hers and he extends the smallest finger on his hand, declaring, “I pinky-promise.” And a ginormous grin washes over her face. In a whisper, she squeals and scoops her arms around his torso, resting her head onto his chest. They stay like this for a while, not too long really, but to them it felt like an eternity being in each other’s affectionate embrace. He goes to speak and she feels the vibrating boom of his voice make his way up from his chest.

“I love you.”

She sighs, “I love you too.”

Turning her head, y/n smoothly gets on her tip toes and clasps her arms around his neck, giving it a tender kiss and attempting to make a trail leading up to his sharp jaw. Catching onto her tactics he laughs, putting his big hand against her face and pushing her back.

“Seriously?” He chuckles, “You couldn’t wait till after dinner? Come on, take out the plates.”

“Wait for what? I was just kissing you! You’re so dramatic, Nami.” She lies, playing innocent. She knew damn well what she was trying to do. She wasn’t going to admit to it though. Taking out the plates and utensils, she readied the table.

…

After dinner and meaningless conversation, the two lovers tidied and headed towards their room. “Do yo wana wah a mohee tomowwow nie?” Y/n proposed from the bathroom as she brushed her teeth. He perks his head up, confused, “Do I want to what?” She spat into the sink and rinsed her mouth, repeating her question.

“I said, do you wanna watch a movie tomorrow night? Like at home? There’s this documentary I saw on Netflix, it looks really good! It’s crime related.”

“That sounds fine with me. Though, that’s only possible if you don’t end up drinking too much. I always have to get you to sleep early when you drink.” He states nonchalantly, nose poked into a thick book. She rolls her eyes and smiles, “I promise I won’t drink all that much.” Shifting his book to the opposing hand, Nanami silently takes his pinky finger and holds it out to y/n. She snickers and reciprocates.

“You’ve now pinky-promised. Don’t break it, y/n.”

“I never do.”

The nightstand lamp illuminates the room with a soft yellow glow. Shadows of objects on the nightstand hang on the walls. Laying in bed on her phone, y/n turns over to Nanami, who was still reading his book. “Nami, come lay next to me, I wanna cuddle. Please?” Her voice faint. He looks down at her and puts his book away immediately. He could use a cuddle too. Bringing himself down, he lays on his back, y/n closing the gap between the two. Their legs intertwine, her arm and head resting on his chest while one of his hands rested on her bum, the other dotingly playing with her hair. Neither of them spoke a word for a while. Until y/n broke the silence.

“So, were there no other pairs of pants you had left to wear or-”

“Please, be quiet.”

[kashimos-hajime]

no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh 

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care. 

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up. 

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time. 

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that. 

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but 

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms. 

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone. 

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile. 

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

.

Distantly, he remembers flashes. 

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted. 

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.” 

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing. 

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows. 

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it? 

It has to be. 

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality. 

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him. 

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing. 

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up. 

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks. 

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field. 

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

 Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop. 

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.” 

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you. 

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything. 

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing. 

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner. 

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach. 

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years. 

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise. 

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.” 

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.” 

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off. 

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you. 

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head. 

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

[liv-laugh-die]

||Admiring|| 💖Miya Osamu x Gn!reader

trope: strangers meeting in the park (ik its random bear with me😭)

warnings: its not proofread all the way through (im sorry im tired), so theres probably grammatical errors or typos but other than that none

genre: fluff pretty much just sappy stuff

pairing/s: osamu x gn!reader

wc: about 2.5k

a/n: oh my god idk where i came up with this but i think its cute so :p i hope you enjoy!!

You stared at your blank computer screen, hope of finishing your assignment before its due date at midnight slowly vanishing. 

     The clock on your desk read 11:27pm, the green lines wavering in your vision as your eyes slowly drooped, trying to drag you into the depths of slumber. You wanted to sleep, you really did, but you knew there was no way you could give up writing your essay, even now, knowing you weren’t going to submit it on time, because you would stress too much about it if you didn’t at least try to complete it before the due date. 

     Pushing yourself away from your desk, your chair squeaking against the floor ever so slightly in your dead silent dorm room, you tried to think of some excuse that your professor might believe. You doubted there was anything you could think of, but hey, your professor was better than what your roommates’ had mentioned theirs being, and you were grateful for that. Maybe you could tell him that you were exhausted from working extra hours at your job since you had had to cover your coworker’s shift and that’s why you couldn’t complete your essay on time? Or, maybe you could get away with a simple “I was lacking interest in the material, and couldn’t understand anything, and I didn’t ask for help because I knew that you are such a busy man trying to do so many things at once. Another hopeless near college drop-out wasn’t something I thought you needed on your hands.”

     ....Maybe not the latter.

    You sighed, running a hand through your tangled hair, practically feeling it screaming at you to wash it. You barely had time in the mornings to take showers anymore, and when you took them at night, you never had the strength to wash your hair, always knowing that putting a hat on overtop or throwing on your hoodie would make it seem fine on the outside, and that was good enough for you. As long as you looked at least decent and somewhat presentable.

    Your dorm room was fairly small, like every other one, but the lack of furniture made it seem larger than the rest. Nothing more than you and your roommate’s joint desk, the mini fridge in the corner, and the beds filled the space. You almost tripped over your backpack lying next to the bunk bed pushed up against the wall, falling to what would’ve been inches away from your roommate’s sleeping body.

    In an attempt not to disturb them, you tiptoed through the room, stepping over the occasional heap of clothes or homework, until you reached the bathroom. You fumbled over the door knob before almost tumbling into the small space. Glancing in the mirror, you didn’t fail to notice your messy hair, the dark circles tracing beneath your eyes, or the way you looked like you were seconds away from passing out. The sound of running water rang in your ears as you turned on the sink faucet, cupping your hands together and bringing your face down to meet them, rubbing the cold water all over you in an attempt to keep you awake for just a few moments longer.

     Your eyes returned back to the mirror as you sighed at your dripping wet face. There was no way possible you were going to finish your assignment on time. You knew it, your roommate knew it before they passed out, and you had noticed your professor’s wary glance this morning in class as a sign that he knew it too.

     An idea sprang into your head, part of you dreading the optimism that seemed to seep through your brain slowly. You didn’t feel like being energetic right now.

---an hour later---

You weren’t exactly sure how, when, or why you decided it would be a good idea to take a shower (you did end up washing your hair, thank god), get your things together in your bag, and head to the off-campus coffee shop (since the one on-campus had already closed), but you found yourself with a warm cup of coffee in hand as you exited the shop, the cold midnight air enveloping you in an unwelcome embrace.

     You shivered. The only thing your spontaneous brain had forgotten had to have been your jacket, the one thing your normal brain would’ve remembered if it weren’t already past midnight and if you weren’t majorly sleep-deprived.

     You most certainly weren’t done with your essay yet, nor was there any possible way for you to finish it on time since it was now approximately thirteen minutes past the due time, but you let yourself breathe for now.

     There weren’t many people out at this hour, and it made the usual busy city streets seemed like a ghost town. There were a few restaurants still open as you strolled along the sidewalk, their lights responsible for illuminating more than half the area in front of you. You passed by an onigiri shop your friend had recommended to you, but you just weren’t that hungry. Most nights, you’d kill for a midnight snack, but your single shot of espresso coffee was satisfying your needs for now.

     You decided to head to the park after seeing a rabbit hop its way across the vacant street and into the bushes in that direction. The fresh air was nice and cool against your dry and croaky lungs, and your ears needed a different sound than that of you miserably attempting to touch type quickly, your fingers rapping against the keyboard with vigor.

     A stream nearby flowed softly, the dripping of the water against the rocks complimenting the noise of the crickets chirping in sync just downstream. Your footsteps cut through the grass slowly, not bothering to follow the stone path. The park was a nice change of scenery. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been here by yourself in peace, it was always you and your rambunctious friends who ran through every now and then just to see the dogs running through the sprinklers, or the occasional poor cat whose owner dragged them out into the daylight for exercise. This was peaceful, though, and you appreciated that.

     A few more rabbits crossed your path, giving you that wide-eyed, side glance before darting off into the darkness, outside the reach of the lampposts emitting light. The sound of the stream soon faded out as you continued to walk through the park, sipping your coffee every so often. The warmth from your cup was soon dying out, and you figured you’d have to start walking back to your university sooner or later. Maybe you could crash at your friend’s house who lived just off campus, though you had forgotten your phone back at your dorm and had no alarm, no laptop to complete your work, and no contact with anyone else who might worry where you’d be. You had really no choice but to trek back to your dorm in the darkness, cutting your peaceful visit to the park short.

     You let yourself have a few more minutes of stress free relaxing as you sat down on a bench just before the ground let out into a downhill slope overlooking the rest of the city below. The trees around you swayed in the breeze, and for a moment, you thought it was the wind talking, and not an actual human being who had somehow made his way beside you without gathering your attention.

     “Didn’t think anyone else would be up at this hour,” the stranger mumbled. You glanced up, almost startled that, indeed, someone else was actually awake and strolling through the park.

     The boy couldn’t have been much older than you were, maybe the same age. He had his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, the wind tousled his dark hair ever so slightly, and the moonlight played along, illuminating his face just so you could actually see how gorgeous he was.

     You cleared your throat, averting your eyes back to the ground as you shifted over, creating more space on the bench in case he wanted to sit down beside you. “I decided to actually take care of myself for once and give myself some time to breathe before facing the wrath of my professor tomorrow when he finds out I didn’t turn in my essay on time.” You let out a low, breathy chuckle, not exactly sure of what would happen next.

     The guy sat down on the bench next to you, though he made sure to give you some personal space, which you were grateful for. He laughed along with you a bit, and you could tell just from his tone just how tired he really was.

     You gave him a side glance, raising an eyebrow. “So, what the stressful thing that brought you here in the middle of the night?”

     He smiled half-heartedly, eyes trained on the moon. “Work stuff. Jus’ been busy, I guess.” He shrugged. 

     You waited for him to continue on, but he stayed silent. You didn’t complain, though. Wasn’t your whole reason for coming out here in the dead of the night for some quiet? Plus, it wasn’t awkward either. You were comfortable sitting next to this stranger.

     “What do you do for work?” You waited a little longer than necessary to ask, but he didn’t seem to mind the long pause.

     “I own a restaurant a few blocks away. I love the job, it’s just tiring havin’ to deal with rude customers like my brother who won’t get the hint and get out sometimes. I got into an argument with him earlier today and he just wouldn’t shut it.” He rolled his eyes and took his hands out of his pockets, making eye contact with you as he went on about his day, and you couldn’t help but smile at his passion. “The guy thinks he can just walk in when I’m working with a new employee and just act like he runs the place! Quite stupid if you ask me. Such a jerk, he is. Thinkin’ about just banning him from the place, really.” 

     You snorted. “He really bugs you that much, huh?”

     The guy smirked at your laugh, admiring it, though you would never had guess that was what flashed across his face in a million years. He nodded. “Yeah, ‘course I love ‘im ‘cause he’s my twin and my best friend, but he really knows how to annoy the hell outta me.” He shrugged. “Maybe I’ll just get a sign in the window that says “no shirt, no shoes, no service” and cross it out and write my brother’s name instead,” he reasoned, and the pondering look in his eyes made you wonder if he was actually considering the idea.

     You smiled. “You’re funny.”

     “You say that like ya weren’t expectin’ it.”

     A laugh made its way out your lips. “Well, when you’re approached by a stranger in the middle of the night you sort of expect the worst.”

     The guy glanced off in the distance, away from you, furrowing his eyebrows. “Sorry, didn’t think of that comin’ off that way.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Guess it’s a good thing I’m funny then, and not some creep, eh?”

     You nodded, the smile on your face not fading as he changed topics.

     “So, what’s your essay on? Any way I can help ya finish it?”

     You shook your head dismissively. “Oh, no. It was due thirty minutes ago.” You quickly explained the topic you were writing about in class before getting side tracked. “My professor had said he would allow it to be turned in the next morning, but I doubt he actually meant it.”

     He smiled a wide grin, making butterflies flutter in your stomach. “You go to the university nearby, right?” 

     You nodded in confirmation, raising an eyebrow. “If I’ve got any luck, there’s a chance you go there too?”

     He laughed a little, shaking his head. “Nah, I don’t, sorry. I’ve visited campus a few times because some of my friends go there, but I just usually focus on work.”

     His gaze was tilted upwards towards the sky, and you couldn’t help but admire how the exhaustion still shone in his eyes, but somehow that same passion gleamed there too just mentioning what he did for a living. You wished you were that passionate about something that would actually support you financially in the future and make you happy.

     When he glanced back at you, you were still taking his essence in, and he made a look of confusion. “What?”

    You shook your head, chuckling. “Nothing. I just admire that you can dedicate yourself to something and make it seem so easy.” He looked at you, interested to hear what you had to say, even though you were sure you couldn’t be the first person to tell him this. “I haven’t even known you for more than ten minutes and I can already tell you’re passionate about what you do and if you’re stressed about it, it must mean you’re dedicated to seeing your work through, and that’s more than enough to admire and appreciate, especially when that can be so difficult sometimes.” You finished your short tangent, looking back up at him to see him staring intently at you, seemingly in awe of what you’d just said. You felt a blush creep onto your face as you quickly blurted out, “Sorry- I didn’t mean to be so straightforward and weird like that- I sound like some crazy secret admirer or something...”

     The crickets chirped in the silence between the two of you, and it felt like it would never end.

     “Y’know, I wouldn’t mind havin’ a secret admirer. I mean, wouldn’t be so secret, but...” You saw the smile creep up onto his face. “It’s nice being appreciated. Nobody really tells me that kind o’ stuff, so... thanks, I guess.” 

     The heat on your cheeks didn’t go away by any means, but you grew more comfortable with it as you mumbled, “Maybe I wouldn’t mind admiring you.”

     Now, it was the boy’s turn to blush, and you smiled at how his cheeks grew redder with every passing second, and how his subtle grin spoke a thousand words he didn’t need to say.

     “Miya Osamu.” The boy’s hand came into your view as he extended it for you to shake. “I own Onigiri Miya across from the grocery outlet.”

     You smirked, grasping his hand in yours as you said, “L/N Y/N. I own an official license for being a horrible driver and an ID that proves I’m a sleep-deprived college student and that’s about it.”

     He laughed, shaking your hand and standing up, letting go too soon for your liking.

     Because for some weird reason, his hand felt right in yours.

     Osamu said a quick goodbye, mentioning something about how he should get going and how you should get some sleep before he disappeared down the stone path back into the darkness.

     You stood up not too long after he’d left, your coffee now entirely cold as you plopped the half full cup into the trash can on your walk back to your dorm, not needing the pathetic warmth anymore. Your heart was beating fast and the feeling of Osamu’s hand resting in yours lingered on your palm, and that kept you warm enough.

     Maybe you’d be visiting that onigiri place your friend recommended to you a little sooner than you’d originally planned, and maybe more often than you would’ve expected.

[evilkennedy]

love letters [p.p.]

pairing: peter parker x reader

word count: 1.4k+

summary: you and peter had been childhood friends, but you both decided that maybe that wasn’t enough?

warnings: none!! this is pure fluff. (it’s probably badly written though, I suck hshs)

a/n: ahhhh!! i hope this is okay. im thinking of starting a tag list!! so let me know if you’d like to join it. also??? uhh!! little fall of rain has almost 200 notes?? that’s insane! thank you all so much. hope you enjoy this ♥︎

“Harry Potter isn’t even the best movie series. It has to be Star Wars and that’s the tea.”

You and Peter are hanging out in his living room after school like you usually do. Somehow you both got on the topic of what was the better movie series. “Literally, Peter. Star Wars isn’t even that good! Harry Potter is THE best.” You turned to face him, crossing your legs on the couch. He gasped, theatrically putting a hand over his heart. “I don’t know why I’m friends with you, Y/n. This is simply a monstrosity that I cannot have in my house.” He feigned despair. Now it was your turn to gasp jokingly, “Did you just basically call me a monstrosity? And here I thought I was your best friend for life. I’ll just go.” You acted as if you were going to get off of the couch to leave, but before you could even fully stand, Peter had pulled you into his lap. He had his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. You giggled, slightly squirming as if you really wanted to get away. “Peter Benjamin Parker, if you do not let me go right this instant, I will lick your face. Don’t test me. I’m close enough.”

He snorted, “As if I couldn’t just lick you back, you nasty snake. If I let you go, do you pinky promise not to leave me?” You turned your head to face him. You blushed at your close proximity. You definitely had at least a little crush on your best friend. It was hard not to get lost in his wide, mocha eyes. You could see the blush coating his own freckled cheeks. He was pouting. “How could I say no to those puppy eyes?” He chuckled and loosened his grip on your waist. You sighed at the loss of contact. You wish he held you like that all the time. You scooted out of his lap and sat next to him again on the couch, closer than you were before. You wrapped your arms around his waist and laid your head on his should. You felt goosebumps raise on your arms, not just from the chilly air. Peter laid his head on top of yours. The two of you sat in comfortable silence for what couldn’t have been longer than 10 minutes, until you spoke again, “Hey, Pete?” You spoke softly, not wanting to startle the curly-haired boy that sat beside you. “Yeah, Y/n/n?” He lifted his head up to look at you as he responded. You continued laying on his shoulder contentedly with your eyes closed. Peter felt his chest become warm with adoration as he admired your calm form still laying on his shoulder. You are so beautiful to him. Your words broke him out of his thoughts, “Could I maybe borrow a hoodie for the walk home? I- It’s just chilly out and I forgot to bring a jacket and-“ He cut off your rambling. “Of course you can borrow a hoodie, love. I wouldn’t want you to get cold.” You felt your cheeks become warm for what felt like the twentieth time in the past hour. Peter had that effect on you.

“Thank you, Pete. Sadly I gotta get home soon, so..” You moved to get off of Peter and the couch. You stood, stretching out your limbs and yawning. You were exhausted. Peter had gotten off of the couch and nearly repeated the same actions as you. The both of you feeling the effects of the school day. You put all of your stuff into your backpack and got ready to leave as Peter went to his room to grab a hoodie for you. He grabbed one that was sitting on his desk chair. It was your favorite hoodie of his to wear. He made his way back toward you in the living room. “Here you go, Y/n. Let me walk you out.” You put the hoodie on quickly and threw your backpack over your shoulder. The hoodie felt a little heavier than usual, but you paid no mind to it once Peter wrapped his arm around the small of your back. You felt your chest heat up and your stomach flutter with the same butterflies you had anytime Peter touched you. You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t realized the two of you had reached the exit of the apartment building.

You turned to Peter and wrapped your arms around his waist in a hug. He quickly reciprocated the hug and kissed your forehead. When you pulled away, you looked to the floor to hide your blush. “I had fun as always. I’ll see you tomorrow, Peter.” He smiled and your heart melted, “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow. Be safe and text me once you make it home, please?” You started to back your way out of the door, now looking at Peter. “Of course. Bye, loser!” You could hear Peter laughing as you fully walked outside of the building. You had a slight skip to your step. You always did after seeing Peter. He made you feel giddy and warm inside. You really adored him.

Once you walked for a minute, you decided you would pull your phone out to listen to music. You didn’t live too far away from Peter, but you didn’t like the silence. You pulled your backpack onto both of your shoulders, so it wouldn’t fall off as your were walking. After getting that situated, you reached into the pocket of the hoodie for your phone and pulled it out. You stopped in your tracks when you felt something else in the pocket that wasn’t your phone. There was a neatly folded up piece of paper inside that had your name written on it. This must’ve been meant for you. Your heart started to beat a bit faster as you became slightly anxious. What could it be? You decided that your nerves could handle waiting until you got home to read it, so you sat on the nearest park bench and opened it.

Dearest Y/n,

I feel like this letter is probably the most cliché thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I just knew that I couldn’t ever tell you this in person. You’re just so damn beautiful and amazing. I don’t know what I would do if I told you this and you laughed in my face or something.. I’m probably overthinking this, so I’m going to just say it. Or write it. Whatever. Y/n L/n, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’ve had a lot of crazy shit happen in my life and you’ve been there nearly every step of the way. You are a light in the darkness. You’re like my own personal ray of light, and most importantly you are my best friend for life. When I told you that in kindergarten, I had no idea exactly how true that statement would be. We have been through thick and thin together. It’s so hard not to adore you. I just want to hold you and to protect you from anything bad this world can throw at us. I want to hold your hand and kiss your forehead and be able to say that you’re mine. God, this is so mushy. You make me so sappy, Y/n. I love you. In more than a friend way. I hope that doesn’t change anything, but also I pray it does. I pray that you love me too. If not you can just crumble this up and pretend it never happened if you like. I’m sorry for the rambling, I just needed you to know. I really do hope you are my forever.

Love, Peter (aka loser)

You let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. Peter liked you. No, he loved you. You felt tears falling down your face. What had you done to deserve this much affection. You folded up the letter neatly and put it back into the hoodie pocket. You shakily reached a hand up to wipe away a couple stray tears. You looked up to the sky and let out an airy, disbelieving laugh. You looked back down toward your lap and reached into the hoodie pocket once more to grab your phone. You stood up off the park bench and opened the contacts in your phone. It took no time to find the contact you were looking for. You hadn’t made it home safely yet, but you were sure he wouldn’t mind this call.

Let me know what you think? <3

Taglist:

[curanonemu]

ateez as angels

tags/warnings: slight angst, very slight violence in jongho's part (not against reader i promise), very sappy things, second-person reader, lowercase, DISCLAIMER: im sorry for making some things up jdskgfk idk angel lore.

word count: 2,733

notes: big thanks to @stray-lids for listening to me cry about this and supporting me ♡ they are spectacular go give them love tyvm now on to the post

-

hongjoong - ✧ dominion ✧ 

dominions preside over the lesser angels, regulate their duties and ensure that God's wishes are carried out.

it’s hard watching over angels, but hongjoong likes it. it may be tiring, it may just be a routine by now, but it feels equally rewarding at the end of the day, when everything is peaceful, in heaven and on earth, nothing out of place.

after all, he could have it worse; he could be a power or a guardian, and those seem much more tired than he ever feels.

being a dominion, he knows all angels, even if they’re not under his command. it’s necessary to know them all, each one of them is important to heaven, and to him as a result.

that’s exactly why it comes as a surprise when he sees one that he’s never met before. he’s on earth for once, and he’s not sure he even knows which one of his comrades you serve.

he’s about to float right over to the stranger, ask questions when he stops in his tracks.

you’re a human.

he feels the telltale rush of blood as his face warms, and he scolds himself for making such a mistake.

are you really so heavenly as to cause such a misunderstanding?

he shakes his head, looks again. it’s still the same.

you still look like the prettiest, most ethereal being he’s laid his eyes on in all the time he’s spent on earth and in heaven. you still are the prettiest.

and hongjoong feels very human when he looks at you.

he wonders if you’d feel the same, were you able to look at him. maybe not. you probably won’t be surprised; hongjoong is an angel, of course. but maybe he won’t be the prettiest being you’ve laid your eyes on.

after all, you must be in possession of a mirror. surely?

(other members under the cut!)

seonghwa - ✧ principality/ruler ✧

principalities rule over other angels and send them on missions in order to accomplish their protection role.

seonghwa has a problem.

he assigns his subordinates to take care of people. entire groups, that is.

he doesn't have to think about individuals.

he shouldn't have to.

but he does. there's one that he can't stop thinking about.

you.

you are so annoying.

he's not a guardian angel, he's a ruler, for heaven's sake. he's not your personal wingman.

(no, that's not how the word is used, is it? he wants to be more than your wingman.)

there's exasperation within him. exasperation at his desperate antics. he's above them, yet he continues to indulge in such things.

desperation. another emotion warring within him, which largely makes up his thoughts. he wants you a lot. so much that he's starting to experience other feelings, like those of nervousness, fear, and he pines.

you're making him feel human emotions, act like a little guardian instead of the ruler he is, and he is. not. happy.

he is more than happy, being the fool he is.

he's convinced you are more powerful than all of his brethren combined. isn't that the only reason why he is so smitten with you? how you have him wrapped around your finger like it's nothing, living your life like you don't know a thing about the predicament seonghwa is in. well, it's precisely because you don't.

that's why, when he needs to assign angels to protecting your town, he stations them all as far away from you as he can.

and then, happily neglecting all his obligations, duties, his very nature, he skips off to protect you himself.

and if he somehow gets to interact with you, that'll be the feather on top.

that is his goal now, come what may.

yunho - ✧ virtue ✧

virtues bring God’s blessings to earth in the form of miracles, and are associated with acts of heroism and bring courage when needed.

it hurts to watch people when they're sad. yunho doesn't like seeing crying children, crying parents, young or old. he's especially not enjoying seeing you cry.

just a while back, you'd asked for courage and now you're crying, regretting standing up to people who were - in yunho's eyes - undeserving of the importance you give them, with the pain they brought you.

"do you really care that much?" he wants to ask, but it's obvious that you do, and he can't ask you.

he'd give anything to talk to you, tell you that it's not worth it, you are so much better than the things holding you down. all he can do is watch you cry.

well. there is something he can do.

he wills a flower into existence, petals soft against his palm where the bud rests, and yunho looks back at you.

you can't see him, but you'll be able to see the flower. that's enough for him.

the window to your room is open, and he tosses the flower inside, the breeze carrying it to you.

you lift your head, looking confused before noticing the flower.

you turn it around curiously, frowning. and then you smile through your tears, and the flower's beauty pales in comparison.

you get up slowly, then go out of your room, leaving the door ajar. with the flower in your hand, you're most likely looking for some water to preserve it.

from his place outside the window, yunho allows himself to smile too.

he hopes the message reaches you.

gladiolus.

yeosang - ✧ virtue ✧

virtues bring God’s blessings to earth in the form of miracles, and are associated with acts of heroism and bring courage when needed.

you're finally done for the day, which had been so hectic, and you're exhausted and irritated and feeling absolutely dead, wishing you were for real too.

'please, just get me away from here now,' you think, hoping that any deity of the world is kind enough to listen to you.

yeosang's the one that hears you, and that's when he first meets you. he manifests himself a little ways behind you, frowning as he wonders if you're serious. he hears such prayers on the daily, and half of them are tossed out casually. he's never acted upon any, though. his job is to give people hope, not tear it away from them.

he watches you for a minute, then decides to let himself look into your soul.

it's. unexpected.

under the cover of weariness, it's bright, insanely so. it leaves him breathless for a moment; a feeling he's not familiar with because he's never needed to breathe, born an angel. but the pressure is there, a feeling welling up inside him which makes him take in much needed air.

it's the first time that he's seen such a bright soul. it makes the grace of some of his brothers pale in comparison.

you're just tired. he doesn't like that.

for now, you may want to go. but you definitely don't need to.

and yeosang will do all that he can to make sure that you stay where you are, on earth. if that means stepping out of bounds with his duties, that's fine. he will do his best to drive away the forces that plague you. it's in everyone's interest. your soul is unique, a work of beauty and he doesn't wish to see it tainted. it's only natural. he's the embodiment of miracles, your soul is a reflection.

heaven doesn't need you yet, nor does heaven need you broken beyond repair.

that's why he needs to protect you.

that's all there is to it.

san - ✧ archangel ✧

archangels are the chief angels, guardians of people and all things physical.

san is an archangel, for crying out loud. he's strong, majestic, fierce and all things big. his wings are beautiful, sharp yet soft feathers, and as him. he's not... a butterfly. he's not a tiny creature, smaller than his own little finger and wildly colourful.

but there he is, having resorted to pretending to be a butterfly of all things, just so he can solve his latest problem.

the first time had been a necessity, and that was what led to the whole mess.

he loves flowers, and he loves how many varieties earth has. it's a habit of his to turn into bugs and enjoy said gifts of nature. (it scares that baby angel mingi as well, which san finds insanely amusing despite adoring the other.)

except, the one time he turned into a butterfly and sat atop a pretty flower, you'd passed by, stopped, backtracked and stood in front of him, eyes wide.

he doesn't know if you like butterflies or not, if you're scared of them or not. your expression didn't give away any of that. it wasn't even the emotion behind your eyes that he was drawn to. it were your eyes themselves that reeled him in, left him reeling.

they're so beautiful, magnetic and all things gorgeous, and he wants you to look at him. you can't see his true form, but you can see him like this, when he's a tiny, harmless creature, and not the intimidating archangel he's meant to be. he never really understood the idea behind some of the other angels' posturing, who, like him, had once been humans that ascended to heaven. now, more than ever, he doesn't see the point of it.

he's strong, yes.

but his interest in you is stronger.

he shouldn't have to try and be a big, bad angel (not that angels are meant to be bad) and go against his heart's desires.

so he doesn't.

he lets himself enjoy your presence, flitting about you often in the hopes that you'd see him.

but you never do.

whenever he's trying to get your attention, there are other matters that you need to attend to.

it's all so well-timed he's starting to think someone's messing with him on purpose.

last month? he'd almost caught your attention before someone asked you a question, and then you just up and left without so much as a glance in his direction. last week? pretty much another distraction that hindered him from being noticed.

he doesn't like this at all.

is someone pranking him? it could be another angel. san's never been unsuccessful for this long.

should he resort to serious measures?

what was it, go big or go home?

that's it. if being a butterfly doesn't work, then he's going to be a BETTERFLY.

he's going to be the best of the best, and he'll be big, not a teeny tiny innocent pretty creature. san's going to get your attensan one way or another.

soon.

mingi - ✧ guardian angel ✧

guardian angels stay with their human throughout life, dedicated to helping them navigate and make the most of the journey.

mingi likes helping people. fellow angels, humans, and the odd demon, he's helped them all. the last was unintentional, but he doesn't regret it. the demon turned out to be nice, anyway, so mingi did nothing wrong by helping him.

but sometimes, he feels like no matter how much help he gives, it's not enough.

presently, it's not in the negative sense wherein he feels he's not enough to aid them.

what he feels right now is just. he wants to help you.

he wants to do all that he can for you, because he adores you.

you're the charge to his guardian angel; you're his charge. that means he's allowed to help you as much as he can, right?

it's normal for random notes to flutter down to the ground next to your feet, inspiration quotes calling out; it's normal for you to stumble upon a reminder in your phone to drink water. you think your friend left it. that's fine, he can be a nameless friend too. you don't need to know.

when you're sick, he'll nurse you back to health all night, make sure no wayward germs try to attack you. a 'miracle,' you call it when you wake up refreshed the next day. he's no virtue, he's no miracle-maker, but your existence itself is a miracle and he's the one who's blessed.

it reminds him of his human life, his inclination to fawn over his loved ones and living off of their appreciation.

the gratitude makes him thrive. being a guardian angel makes him happy.

he's happier being your guardian angel.

he just has one more wish, and that's to let you know just how much he loves you.

he's not sure how, but one day he'll tell you. till then, he'll stay with you like this.

wooyoung - ✧ guardian angel ✧

guardian angels stay with their human throughout life, dedicated to helping them navigate and make the most of the journey.

wooyoung doesn't like his charge.

you're clumsy, forgetful and always getting into all sorts of situations that he has to wrestle with in order to keep you intact and alive.

you get into trouble, one problem after another and he has to push it all out of your path as you go on with your life, blissfully unaware of all that he's doing.

he dislikes it.

he dislikes you.

he dislikes how he likes doing things for you which he would never want to, were it not his duty. he dislikes how you give him a purpose, how you're much better than the other human he was stuck babysitting while the human drove himself right off the virtuous path and into satan's lap.

and then at times, he dislikes how lovely you look and how whipped he is for you.

he's meant to be your guardian angel, not a loverboy stalker. but you make it so hard, because you smile at the small things - flowers, sunlight, whatever - and your laughter is like light itself; searing and precious and everything wooyoung cherishes.

you're so cute, he hates your little habits and he hates how much he loves them too. his days are full of you, your smile, your everything.

nights are spent hoping you're not plagued by demons, fighting them off if one tries to creep into your dreams.

he's tired of how you're taking over his mind, how his job to guide you has become a pastime, his favourite thing?

he's tired, and he wants to do something.

he needs to do something.

but should he? can he? can he really throw away everything just because he's found a human that make emotions well up in him?

can he disregard heaven, go against it all for a mortal who doesn't even know he exists?

the scariest thing is, as days go by and he watches you, the answer he gives himself is increasingly close to yes.

jongho - ✧ power/authority ✧

powers are the most loyal of all angels; warrior angels who fight demons.

jongho was called down to fight demons that had invested a town and were leeching off of people’s spirits.

he’s busy doing that, killing demons left and right with two fellow Powers, when one of them shouts something and gestures behind jongho. he turns around, fully intending to break a demon in half, but is faced with a human instead.

you.

your hand half-raised, as if you planned to touch him. that wouldn’t have ended well.

“are you alright?” is what he hears, and he stills, not sure how to respond. he allows himself a second to glance back at his comrades, who have almost finished off the demons in the area.

his skin itches, the feathers on his wings ruffling. everything in him is screaming to break skulls, but if he leaves there’s no knowing what the human will do. jongho can’t sense any dark aura from you, so you’re not a demon. but you still unsettle him.

you shouldn’t be able to see him. he’s an angel, just as powerful as the rest of them despite not being born as one. he’s probably more powerful than most of his brethren.

“is there a reason why you’re punching air?”

you think he’s punching the air, and not creatures from hell out to get humans. beautiful. this is what he gets for his hard work.

he’s about to open his mouth and reply, affronted, when the temperature suddenly drops and his feathers tremble. then he’s acting on instinct and slashing at the demon behind you.

face pressed close to his neck, you can’t see anything, and ideally you should be able to, but it’s as if there’s a soft curtain over your eyes preventing you from doing so. a moment later, he lets go and places you back on your feet, and you’re staring at him, wide-eyed.

eyes flitting away, he looks at a point behind you, and you turn around suspiciously. there’s nothing there, it’s all spotless, but you can’t help but feel that something had been there.

he needs to get away, you’ve not given any indication of seeing the other two powers, which means there’s probably something up with him. and he needs to fix it. you’re the first human who’s been able to see him, and he doesn’t even know if you have anything up your sleeve.

“it was a fly,” he makes an excuse, and pulls away as quickly as he can.

he absolutely ignores your look of… something and walks to the other side of a building, before teleporting back to heaven.

absently, he allows the thought to enter his mind.

it’d felt nice holding you.

-

-

well that was my first attempt at writing ateez! i hope you guys liked it ♡♡ thanks for reading!!!!!! ♡♡♡♡

[pumpkinselfships]

“I’m here for you, Kadan.”

hi im jack! and its 3:45 am and I’m being sappy for the Iron Bull.

So uuh, meet one of my few DA:I sonas, Burari. They’re a qunari mage :)

big friend

here’s something I wrote under the cut :3c it’s 880 words, baybee!!

there’s gonna be mistakes, its late.

Burari threw their staff down before lumbering up the stairs, an exhausted look their face. Maker, everything was just.. Horrible. This saving the world business and being a blessing sent from the Maker is much more work than one Tal Vashoth mage could handle. The Inquisitor shrugged off their coat before plucking off all their armor, changing into something more lightweight and comfortable to wear around. They still need to look presentable out at Skyhold. They feel a need to keep up appearances, afraid to show weakness.

 They sighed before stumbling over to their balcony, looking over all of Skyhold. The feeling of dread and worry suddenly manifested, making Burari second guess themself and worry for just a second. Until someone had entered the room, quietly closing the door behind them. Burari had a lot of visitors, any of them are for sure welcome. Normally it was Sera or Bull, sometimes Cole or Varric. Unfortunately, Cole doesn’t make any noise when he enters for a visit, and it’s normally in the dead of night to ask the weirdest of questions, which causes a lot of fuss for the Inquisitor. There were heavy footsteps before a gentle, “How’re you doing, Kadan?” His voice was soft, most certainly softer than it would normally sound. Bull walked over to the spot next to them, gently grabbing onto their hand. He normally is rowdy and aggressive, but around them, he’s quite soft. Burari lifted their head a little bit, a slight pout on their face. “I.. could be better.” It came out a bit whiny, which was exactly what they wanted to avoid. “Just tired.. Is all.” They tried to laugh that off which was followed up with a soft sigh before leaning against The Iron Bull. “What if I disappoint everyone? What if I ruin everything, so much is my responsibility. What if I.. mess up?” Their voice cracked a bit before they went silent. “What if I get us all killed? I don’t want that, Bull.” Silence, all there was at that given moment, was silence. “I’m sorry, I-” They paused, getting caught off guard by Bull just picking them up and walking them over to Burari’s bed. He pulled them onto their lap and just held them for a moment before speaking up. “No, it’s alright. I asked. Though, even if I didn’t, it’d still be alright. I’m here for you, Kadan.” He let out a little laugh, “If anything, I’m glad you’re honest. I’d rather have someone be miserably honest than some lying bastard. You know?”

 Hearing that made them feel a bit better and a bit less weary, “Thank you, Bull. That means a lot to me.” It was obvious they were fighting back tears.

 After that, the two talked for a while after that, passing comments back and forth. After a while, Burari just ended up passing out and Bull just let them sleep. They really needed it, especially after all that happened at the temple. He really worried about them and their wellbeing, all this must be a lot. Yeah, he knows others have it bad too but.. They were right, a lot of people depending on them and it was easy to disappoint and mess up. They’re currently fighting a monster who believed he was a god, it’s easy to mess up. Not to mention the fact they have to keep appearances up too, it just.. All seemed tiring to him. He gently ran his fingers through their hair and shifted so they can both be more comfortable.

 Bull eventually let out a quiet yawn.. “Hm. Well, a small nap won’t hurt me.” He mumbled to himself. He’s got nowhere to be, he goes wherever Burari goes. So, at this given moment, he’s just here! Everyone deserves some time to rest and forget the world for a while, he might as well enjoy some peace and quiet. As much as he enjoys the environment and noise in the tavern, it’s nice to be able to admire some silence. It can get a bit overwhelming, even for a man like him.

 The two were almost a match made in heaven. Bull has someone with an equal energy level, the two could be as loud and rowdy as they could want! He also got one of the most empathetic and caring souls in all of Thedas, allowing him to vent about what he’s been through and Burari who has someone to protect them. They might wreak havoc on a battlefield, they’re miserably soft and it’s easy to get to them and mad them falter. Bull helps them grow more confident in themself and defends them when they can’t defend for themselves, on certain occasions. Burari also even somehow spikes confidence in Bull that he didn’t even know he needed! So, it’s truly a win-win for the two.

 They’re perfect for each other and they for sure both know it. They complete each other like a puzzle and they’re both alright with that. Their relationship wasn’t entirely one that started off of romance like this, but it sure did end up that way. Who know encounters like that could end in something so.. Oddly pure. Something like this is the purest form of love, what was nothing anyone expected.

[bikerfaggot]

Soulmate (Day 6: AU)

sorry im posting this later than ive posted the other ones we started full day band camp today and im. exhausted lol but anyways i hope everyone likes this!

Bruce leaned against the pool table with a tired sigh, his eyes falling on his watch. It was well past eleven, and he hadn’t slept in...longer than he’d like to admit. Tony’s elbow brushed him, drawing his attention.

“Hey, Bruce,” he said, absently grabbing chalk for his cue. “Will you please get me another whiskey from the bar?” Bruce almost asked why, but he didn’t have to once he saw Tony lean back down to the table. He was playing Clint, and everyone there knew that he was going to lose. Clint was a trained assassin and marksman, there was no way that Tony could ever defeat that pure skill. He was trying, though, so Bruce took pity on him and made his way up to the bar. On his walk up, he noticed that there was a new bartender, a man who was tall and built, his blond hair falling loose around his shoulders. Bruce had this insanely weird feeling that there was a magnet in his chest, pulling him forward until he was sitting on one of the stools.

“Hello!” The man greeted. “What can I get for you?”

“Can I get a-” Bruce’s voice died in his throat as he made eye contact with the bartender, the startling blue shaking him to his core. He’d never before seen the color blue, only heard about the deep blue of the ocean or subtle tinge to lightning, but now that he had this color locked in his sight, it almost felt like he was drowning in it.

They stared at each other for a long time, neither of them saying anything. Bruce hoped that the other man’s silence was caused by awe, rather than disgust, but he tried to push that thought away. Why would he be soulmates with someone who wouldn’t be attracted to him?

Soulmates.

Soulmates.

He drew in a slow breath and tried to swallow his panic. The bartender spoke first, his lips curving into a nervous smile. “I’m Thor Odinson,” he said, his voice a little shakier than it had been the last time he spoke.

“Bruce Banner,” Bruce replied, putting his elbows up on the bar. “The color blue is really nice,” he mentioned with a grin, clearing the anxiety from his chest. He had to make a good first impression, he wouldn’t let them get off on an awkward foot.

Thor sputtered a bit, fiddling with his hands. “As is brown,” he finally managed. “Would you like a drink? On the house?”

Bruce shook his head with a slight grimace. “I don’t drink, I’m their DD,” he said, pointing with his thumb back to where he had come from.

Thor’s mouth made a slight ‘o’ shape and he nodded. “A Shirley Temple, then?”

His smile was shy but playful, and Bruce let a grin slide onto his face, a low chuckle escaping his lips. “A Shirley Temple sounds great.” He scooted the stool closer and they talked for a few minutes, before Bruce heard his name being called over the music. It was Tony, and he remembered that he probably had to get back to his group. “Are you okay with me coming back up to the bar to talk to you more?” He asked, sliding from the stool. “I mean, you don’t have to say yes, of course. I just want to keep talking to you, your voice is so nice-” He stopped himself mid-sentence, feeling fire creep onto his cheeks. “Fuck, I mean, I want to get to know you. I don’t want to miss this opportunity.” Thor was smiling calmly, his eyes silently studying Bruce as he floundered. “Since we’re soulmates- oh man that feels so weird to say- I’m rambling! Oh god I’m so sorry, this is not a good first impression.” He took a breath, internally noting that the anxiety had finally caught up with him, but Thor just kept smiling that warm smile.

“Nonsense,” he said, and it struck Bruce that while he was rambling, Thor had probably been preparing himself to speak, “I’d love for you to come back up and ramble as much as you’d like.” He slid a coaster across the bar at Bruce, and the doctor picked it up, noticing with flaming cheeks that it had a phone number scrawled across it. He pocketed it and turned towards the pool tables, starting to make his way back. “Oh, and Bruce?” Thor called after him, prompting him to stop walking and redirect his attention.

“Yeah?” He asked, looking his soulmate in those gorgeous blue eyes.

“It was a perfect first impression.”

“Whose blush compact exploded all over you?” Tony asked when he reached their table. “And where’s my whiskey?”

“Sorry, I-” Bruce started, feeling the smile taking over his face, but Tony cut him off, glancing between him and the bar quickly.

“You met Thor?” He asked, earning a nod. Bruce blinked slowly and returned his gaze to Thor, earning a cheery smile and a warm blush. “You know,” Tony said, reaching for Bruce’s arm, “he’s a god.” Tony pulled Bruce in so that they were making eye contact, and Bruce felt like he was melting.

“Yeah,” he said dreamily, “he really is, isn’t he?”

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes. “Bruce, stop being sappy for one second. Your soulmate is a god. An actual, honest alien.” That snapped Bruce from his blissful trance, earning Tony a confused glance. After a moment, he sank back against the table, awestruck all over again.

“My soulmate is a god,” he whispered.

“You’re unbelievable.”

[bitsfordays]

Just Like Broken Glass To Me

I had a funny idea and accidentally made it lowkey angsty (bc of @ctrlpunk) and then I couldnt figure out what to do with it, so here, have this

“Zimbonni! Come here!”

When Jack saw Tater, Marty and Thirdy all gathered around Taters laptop,  he immediately felt unsettled and worried. That feeling only increased when he saw Bitty on the screen.

“What are you watching?” Jack said, coming up behind them.

“Vlogs.” Marty smirked. “Did you know that your boyfriend has a pretty extensive backlog of vlogs?”

“And they are funny too.” Thirdy added.

“Youve watched, yes?” Tater asked.

“Uh, not actually.” Jack scratched the back of his head and sat down next to Tater. “He once had the whole team promise to not watch them when we found them and i guess it just…..slipped my mind.”

“Well, you really should watch them Jack, a lot of them are actually pretty cute. And funny. This one is already my personal favorite.” Marty grinned and clicked to another video.

The video was obviously a faily old one. On the walls behind Bitty, Jack could see the typical trappings of a Samwell dorm room. Bitty himself was also a give away. His hair was longer and fluffier, showing the fact that he was clearly a Frog. He also looked exhausted.

“Good morning Ya’ll.” Bitty yawned. He looked adorable. “Im gonna start this video off on what's apparently my favorite segment, Reasons Why I hate Jack Zimmermann.” He yawned again and continued. “Reason number 17 to hate Jack: He woke me up. At 4am. On a sunday.”

Bitty rest his chin in his hands and gave a long tired blink. “Because Jack Zimmermann works harder than God.”

The three of them burst out laughing and Jack covered his face in embarrassment. He and Bitty had worked past the way Jack had treated him his Frog year well enough that Jack could kinda laugh at it now, but it was still embarrassing to know that Bitty had a whole section just on just the various ways Jack had made him upset. Of course, Jack knew that it didn't really matter anymore but it still stung.

As Tater, Marty and Thirdy laughed, another video from the playlist they had open auto played. Jack didn't really pay attention until he heard the words “love life”. He looked up at the new video to find a very different Eric Bittle looking at him.

The haircut placed the era to Sophomore year and Jack remembered the outfit Bitty was wearing. It had been a new one and one that Jack hadn't seen Bitty replicate in the same way since. It brought forward the memory of a sunny day, making in the kitchen with Bittle.  Bittle eyes were red and there was flour on his hands and across his chest. It tugged at Jack’s heart.

“-its something I should've learned a long time ago.” Bitty rubbed his hand down his face, leaving streaks of flour across his face. “Never fall for a straight boy.”

The words seemed to echo between the four of them and Jack felt  deep guilt rise in his chest. He reached out and closed the laptop, a bit more forcefully than he probably should of. Jack took a deep breath and stood. Up. The others looked at him but Jack turned away.  “Im gonna go call Bitty, Ill be right back.”

Jack darted to one of the more private corners of the training center and pulled out his phone. It was only 11:30, Bitty wouldnt have left for class yet. Jack dialed.

“Hey darling.” Bitty picked up on first ring. “You usually dont call until later in the

afternoon. Whats up?”

“Im sorry.” Jack burst out. “Im sorry I didnt say anything before graduation but I didnt know and I didnt realize you liked me for so lo-”

“Jack, Jack, Jack.” Bitty cut him off. “Dear Lord, boy, what are you talking about?”

Jack took a deep breath and tried to clear his head a bit. “Marty, Tater and Thirdy found your vlog somehow and we watched a few of them. We ended up watching one where you talked about your love life and you said you fell for a straight man and I just. Im sorry Bits.”

“Oh honey.” Bittys voice took on the sappy, slightly sad tone that it got when he  was concerned and full of love at the same time. Jack heard t mostly pointed at the Frogs. “Im still not sure exactly what your apologizing for, but just know that I dont mind that you watched those videos. If you had told me that last year, I would've flipped out but its alright dear. Im not sure how I feel about the boys watching it though…..”

“Ill tell them to stop watching them.” Jack promised. “Im not really sure what I was apologizing for either. Just, hearing you talk about falling for a straight man and knowing it was me….It was strange. It freaked me out for some reason. It made me feel….guilty. Like maybe I should've been more open. If I had been, we would have gotten together sooner maybe, I don't know.”

“Maybe so. But maybe not. Personally, Im pretty dang happy with how everything shook out. Arent you?”

“I am.” Jack smiled. “I love you Bits.’

“I love you too, sweetpea.”

[honeyjaehwan]

TELL ME WHY U LUV KEN. ESSAY IS WELCOME

oml okay!! before i start i’m going to link the time i did this eloquently bc what i’m about to write will be all over the place: read this for my sappy intellectual answer

sometimes in life you get a quick glimpse at peoples ministering angels or their hearts or souls or whatever you want to call it and lee jaehwan’s is absolutely divine it’s so perfect and without flaw. he is kind, compassionate, observant of others’ feelings, careful, and sweet. he wants to give and receive love constantly you can just tell how big his heart is. if someone’s uncomfortable he’ll redirect the attention to himself, if someone is quiet he’ll check on them, if someone is sad he’ll tell a stupid joke. but he knows also when to be reserved and when to listen he’s got a heart that responds to others in such a way that allows him to give love so consistently it’s so affecting!

he’s also so talented and motivated and he works so hard to get where he is, he’s undergone such trials and yet he’s still so driven. he’s done musicals which he says are his dream and he’s got a full time schedule month after month and yet he still has time to connect with fans and with his friends and family he never publicly lets himself be exhausted he’s consistently putting us first and making sure we’re aware of his love and appreciation, he’s at once so hard working and so humble it’s unbelievable!  

he’s also hilarious like his sense of humor is so good it’s often so pure and never at the expense of anyone but himself! like earlier we were talking about that time he dared fans to get a cold bc he hasn’t given permission for us to get sick like he’s genuinely so funny and more than that, he uses his humor towards kindness like he’ll joke to comfort others or make a fool of himself when another member doesn’t want the spotlight he wields his humor in such a way that it betrays his big heart it’s so beautiful to see

i also love his confidence it’s so admirable and i’m so happy that it’s increased over the past years like i love to see him posting selfies of his body or just being aware of his cuteness it’s so inspiring to see self-love performed in such a beautiful way like i’m so impressed that he’s worked so hard to get to this point of appreciating himself it’s so warranted! he’s also just such a great extrovert he’s always talkative and engaging and genuinely interested in other people it’s so beautiful to see that kind of behavior! 

this may be repetitive but he cares so so much like this warrants stating again bc it’s so central to his personality he cares so much about us and about every creature tbh (remember when he gave a frog a bath!?) jaehwan sees the beauty in life and in others and works consistently to manifest his appreciation of it like even with ants he cares so much and sings for them he’s the kindest most compassionate person on this earth and he’s messed up in the past but since i’ve stanned i’ve not seen him do one unkind thing he’s always concerned with making others feel comfortable he cares so so so so much

 and not to be vapid but i have to include it: he’s absolutely gorgeous. i know i often say that he’s the prettiest person i’ve ever seen but i’m not exaggerating. there is no one more beautiful than him he is so stunning he’s the most handsome man i’ve literally ever seen. i started stanning after i saw pics of him like all it took were two pics (from 160820 ofc) and i was deeply and madly in every kind of love with him. i love his lopsided smile and his nose and when he wears his hair up and when it’s down and his jawline and how his face is a little asymmetrical and his eye color and his eyebrows and how he looks in makeup and especially how he looks without makeup and when he wears hoodies and looks comfortable and when he dresses up like, there’s a verse in the bible that says “you are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you” that’s literally about him. he’s the pinnacle of beauty he’s unmatched and preeminent he’s stunning looking at him is like seeing god it makes me feel so warm like i’m sitting in the sun he’s my entire world and my heart feels heavy in a rly rly good way when i see him 

like this is so random but one quote that has been stuck in my head for years is from some scholar who said that “milton saw heaven, milton knew god” and its a beautiful quote and i always wondered what that mustve been like and genuinely after seeing jaehwan i can say i’ve seen heaven and i know god, lee jaehwan brings meaning to every beautiful poem or scripture or quote he’s literally my entire world i dont exagerate when i say he means this much to me like, there was my life before i met him and there’s my life now he’s impacted me that much!!! i have a sticky note on my computer of all the bible verses he reminds me of and i just love thinking about him and about love and his heart he has such a perfect heart he makes me such a better person

truly though loving him makes me kinder and more compassionate and loving like, i was not always this bubbly or soft or kind but loving him motivates me to be someone worth loving him. i want to embody all the virtue in him and i want to be someone whos heart is worthy of his heart (in an abstract way, not like i plan on marrying him or st) like loving him is the best thing that’s ever happened to me i have made so many friends and become a better person all because i want to be sweet like him or express love like him etc! 

i have more to say but i’m going to stop myself bc i’m literally crying lol if you read any of this thank you i love you im sorry it’s a mess i really am frustrated! i wish i could coherently put my emotions together in a cogent testament of my love but there are no words i just can only say that looking at him feels like sitting in the sun that’s all i feel my heart is warm and heavy and full i am blessed and aware of my blessings i wish i had words for it i really do

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 14 – A Few Cheerful ‘Hell Yeah‘s, Followed By A Swift ’Hell Fucking Nope’

In which I am too invested in Orange Cheerleading, Neil is an Oblivious Gay™, the Foxy Team Spirit gains bonus XP, we meet the awesomeness that is Fearless Neil Josten and everything goes so pleasantly well that I really should have seen the bone-chilling fuckery at the end coming.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I am prefacing this by saying that this is probably my second favourite chapter of this book so far. It may even be on a par with my previous favourite chapter, the Neil Sassing Riko To Hell And Back At The Fall Banquet chapter.

There is GOOD SHIT HAPPENING!! Finally!! And when the bad shit happens it’s still SASSY!! And AWESOME!! And then it’s fucking terrifying but like – what else is new.

I really, really liked this one. And I feel like I’m going to need that bit of love for the next two chapters, which are promising to be 50 Shades of Fucked Up.

Let’s go.

           “When Andrew finds out you’ve stolen his car,” Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken.

           “Andrew knows,” Neil said. “He left me his key.”

           Matt stared at him, startled. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Homeboy can’t believe it I am HOLLERING.

The Foxes slowly realizing that Neil is starting to get through Andrew’s shell is such, such a delight.

Neil being entirely oblivious about it is an even greater one.

Also, Matt is going to start teaching Neil how to fight! Yay for self-defense! <3

Now that Katelyn is kind of not a secret anymore, she starts hanging around with the Foxes, apparently. Will I start liking this character, finally?

           Katelyn seemed nervous at first, but she warmed up quickly and chatted almost nonstop through dinner. She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her, but Aaron looked so alive in her presence Neil couldn’t hold it against her.

FUCK YES I WILL.

This is such a small detail, but I actually had to put the book down at that part and just silently contemplate life for a bit because honestly – few sentences have described me as well as “She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her.”

I feel this so much, you have no idea.

Of course, that means I have adopted this character now, she’s in my heart and there are no take-backs. <3

Being newly invested in Katelyn also means being newly invested in Orange Cheerleading, and this is the point where all the info I have soaked up via my cheer-loving best friends really comes in handy.

This is a very good visual for what the Vixens would look like at a Fox game – the squad in the video is Clemson University which is TFC is based on!

And this is Clemson’s cheer championship routine from last year, which is infinitely more awesome than a game routine because it’s made for their own championship, not for someone else’s game, and it really shows off what a team can do.

Keep in mind though that this team is co-ed (meaning both men and women), and as far as we know the Vixens are an all-girl team, which means they’d have considerably less partner stunts (one person on one person) and more group stunts (one person on four, three or two people).

Also, this is their uniform and now one can tell me otherwise.

Brb making an orange bow to wear to our next cheer event.

Info dump done! Let’s move on!

           “We should celebrate,” [Dan said.] (…)

           Aaron looked at [her] as if she’d grown three heads. “We don’t socialize with you.”

           “You do tonight,” Matt said. “Tell Katelyn to come. (…) The Vixens can come too.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH, BONUS XP FOR THE FOXY TEAM SPIRIT.

I am so for all of them having fun party times together that a) don’t involve going to Eden’s Twilight and b) involve all of them.

Also, I am so, so for the Foxes and the Vixens finally being friends.

Seriously, there are few things as shitty as ignoring the people who cheer on you every night no matter how bad you are, and I can’t believe we’ve never addressed this until now.

BE NICE TO YOUR CHEERLEADERS, FUCKERS.

           “Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil,” [Nicky said.] “You’re a real friend.” (…)

           “Are we?”, he asked. (…) Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn’t know. “Friends?”

Oh my goooooooooooood literally HOW.

“It almost meant something” I am going to punch this idiot so hard his angst will finally come shooting out of his oblivious ass.

           “You’re going to be the absolute death of me,” Nicky said. “Yeah, kid. We’re friends. You’re stuck with us, like it or not.”

Nicky, my man, my sunshine, thank you for finally saying this to Sir Angstlord McDramatic, also I’m crying a lil.

I was already so happy about that scene, I thought we were done with our quota of good things for this chapter, but no – Thanksgiving happens somewhere along the way, and it’s not The Thanksgiving That Shall Not Be Named, but Happy And Sappy Abby Thanskgiving, where the food and the feels are plentiful.

           “It’s not really about the food. It’s about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one,” Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. “The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about.”

           “I’m trying to eat here,” Wymack said.

Wymack <3

Also, NICKY <333333333333

Brb, crying a lot.

Kevin later offers to not drink wine after dinner so Neil can have some, which neil declines, but which still makes me grin like a sappy motherfucker because Kevin offered to do something nice for Neil.

I feel like I’m in a happy fanservice episode of an anime. Is this real, am I witnessing this shit with my own two eyes?

           Somehow [the Foxes] all ended up at the dining hall at the same time. (…) On Tuesday Katelyn tagged along, and on Wednesday they went downtown together as a large group: all eight remaining Foxes and four of the Vixens.

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

At the restaurant, this girl Marissa starts hounding Neil, and absolute hilarity ensues as Neil tries to not talk to her or at least talk to her about Exy, and she wants to talk about everything but Exy.

Absolute lack of chemistry nonwithstanding, she still chats him up after dinner:

           “I can give you my number,” Marissa said.

           Neil didn’t remember asking for it at any point that night. “What for?”

How is this boy real. HOW.

           “I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You’re very interesting, Neil.”

           She wasn’t the first to say that, but Neil wondered if Andrew’s opinion of him would change when he was off his medication.

OH MY GOD.

I AM HOWLING.

Neil: gets blatantly obviously hit on by pretty girl Neil:…………………….. Neil: hmm I wonder what Andrew would think about this

Honestly………………. This is the most I C O N I C Andreil scene to this point, and 50% of Andreil aren’t even present.

           “There’s a way to let girls down gently, you know.” (…)

           “Do girls need kid-glove treatment? I thought they were tougher than that.”

           Dan’s grin was approving. “Most of us are. Some of us are like boys, though, and have delicate egos.”

Shoutout to Dan for coming around to remind me how much of a flawless sass queen she is whenever I dare to forget it.

Also: Renee is going to be Neil’s platonic winter banquet date! Dan and Matt are getting each other cute shit for Christmas! Matt invited Neil and the cousins to his home over Christmas!

I am currently bathing in a golden pool of my own happy tears, please leave me here for all eternity and supply food occasionally.

However, if anyone thought it would all stay happy and banter-y now they must have been reading  than me, because Nora is waiting right around the corner to snatch me the fuck out of my happy pool:

It’s time for another Fancy Orange Sportsball Banquet, including our friends from Tall, Dark and Dramatic University.

Thankfully, our boy Neil has one thing in common with fandom by now, and that is being ready to protect Kevin at all costs.

           “Neil” might be an easily-spooked runaway, and “Nathaniel” was a hunted young man, but “Abram” was the one shielded from and untouched by his father’s bloody business. Neil would pull on every murder he’d ever seen and every endless, desperate night, and he’d face Riko unflinching.

This is yet another wonderful, wonderful development in Neil where I cannot begin to tell you how much I like it. But more on that in a minute.

First, another point on the list of Things That Absolutely No One Saw Coming, and By No One I Mean Everyone.

           “The following four teams have qualified to represent the southeastern district in spring championship games. I will list them in order of ranking, first to fourth. Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, Belmonte.”

Aka the only teams we have seen the Foxes play against so far. What a surprise.

Also, I did mention that Neil and Renee are going as platonic dates, right?

Did I also mention how much I love Renee for going on platonic dates with people?? Bc same?? Also I love her??

           “Sorry,” Neil said.

           Renee sent him a curious look. “Why?”

           “I’m no trying to ignore you.”

           “It’s all right if you do,” Renee said. “Kevin needs you more than I do.”

I love you :( <333

Also, hate to say this, but homegirl is right.

           “Your lack of survival instincts is supremely distressing,” Riko said. “Take that look off your face before I carve it off.”

That Fucker™ is back, everyone, and as always ready to supply us all with shitty input exactly no one asked for.

           Neil hadn’t realized he was smiling, too, a cruel look he’d inherited from his father. Neil lowered his cup so Riko could get a better look at it. “I would love to see you try. You think I’m afraid of your knife? I’m the Butcher’s son.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

After having met Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten, Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten, and recently Responsibly Neil Josten, may I now introduce you to my newest favourite Neil Josten:

Fearless Neil Josten.

           “I am the family your father was afraid of.” (…)

           “Not of you,” Neil said, with fierce emphasis. “You’re not part of that family, remember? You’re the cast-off.”

Oh yeah, also Fearless Neil Josten is Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten’s meaner twin brother.

GET FUCKED, RIKO.

           He hoped it would hit, but he didn’t realize how deep it would cut. He’d never seen that look on Riko’s face but he knew he’d signed his death warrant.

Oops.

           “A dog who bites his master’s hand deserves to be slaughtered.” (…)

           “I am not a dog. I’m a Fox.”

           “You are nothing but what I tell you to be.”

           “We talked about your delusions.”

Neil, as much as I am enjoying your witty comebacks At All Times, I sagely advise you to shut the fuck up right about now.

           “Let go of me, King.”

           “I am King,” Riko agreed, “and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You’re coming to Evermore for winter break.”

I would have loved to dish out a few amused comments here in the style of lol, dream on Mr Fuckface Dramatic – however thanks to y’all I have been told time and time again that there was absolute shit going down on Christmas.

Which means that now I am not amused. I am incredibly scared.

           “Drake was an interesting man, wasn’t he? I should thank the police for leading me straight to him. I might not have discovered him otherwise. Did you know, Nathaniel? Oakland lawyers are some of the cheapest to buy off.”

He set Andrew up. He set. Andrew. Up.

That FUCKER. I knew there was going to be a reason why Drake was there at that point exactly.

THAT FUCKER.

           “Did you know I’ve bought one of the doctors at Eastaven, too? Unless you want these little therapy sessions of his to turn into therapeutic reenactments, you will be on a  plane to West Virginia tomorrow morning.”

THAT FUCKING FUCKER.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I will personally punch him in his shit-eating face – no, wait.

           Neil didn’t have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn’t have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth.

NEIL will punch him in his shit-eating face.                    

I have been waiting for this since we first bloody met That Fucker™. I am living.

A short brawl ensues, which Neil would have totally won imo if the Coaches wouldn’t have separated them.

As it is, though, the Raven Posse is out of sight, though definitely not out of mind.

          “What happened?”

          “Neil hit Riko,” Matt said. “It was beautiful.”

          “What?” Nicky squawked. “Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again.”

I am actually laughing so hard. Nicky, you are the best.

Neil explains the situation to the team – how Riko used the promise of getting Drake’s charges dismissed as bait for him to come see Andrew one more time – and then continues being unexpectedly and brilliantly badass.

          “I’m going to kill him,” Nicky said.

          “No,” Neil said, with a ferocity that had even Matt eyeing him warily. “We’ve got to break him first. If Exy is the only thing he cares about we’re going to take it away from him. First we destroy his reputation, then we destroy him.”

Have I mentioned how Fearless Neil Josten is my fucking FAVE.

          “I don’t want us to lose a single game this spring. Can we do that?”

          “Not a single damn game,” Dan said in a hard voice.

Hell yeah.

          “I don’t have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me.”

          “He will break you.”

          “He wishes he knew how,” Neil said. “Trust me. I promise I’ll come back, and when I do I’ll bring Andrew back with me. It’s going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or not?”

Hell fucking nope.

Is this happening?

This is the fuck happening.

Oh dear.

If you like this and you wanna help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

[itookmynamehere-blog]

Caught in the crossfire chapter 5

namjoon/reader/jin madness continues

   Yoongi POV  

   When I found Jungkook's body lying in the snow I mirrored his lifeless form, frozen where I stood-Yes death was no rare feat in this job, one of the only rules of getting into this life is never to get too close, because they could be snatched away in a moment, but it stung like no other. He was family, and he deserved better.          I traced my fingers over his cold skin closing his eyes before searching the body for any indication on what could have gotten him shot. His wallet, untouched remained in his coat pocket and his overpriced watch sat against his wrist which meant this wasn’t a robbery. Alarm bells began to ring in my head as I continued to search his body, the thick, cold blood that covered his chest and the ground around him began to find it's way on my hands-great now I needed to shower- the more I searched the more red flags began to pop up in my head, if this was another gang they wouldn’t have left his body. At least not in the condition it was in, if this was a rival of namjoon's they would have mailed his head in a neatly wrapped box.          My suspicions continued to grow as I found no weapon on him which meant he wasn’t on the job, only thing misplaced was his phone, he never went anywhere without it, I can't recall how many times I'd teased him for always being buried in it. I pulled away just as puzzled as before but now I had some sort of idea, whoever shot him had his phone, and by god I was going to find the bastard who did this. I stepped away from the body, forcing my anger down, wiping my hands on the black fabric of my jeans I pulled out my phone, this was going to be a long night. My thumb hovered over Namjoon's contact name before a thought stuck me, whoever had his phone might respond if I text and if they do I can trace it. I sent a text to his phone as if I was intending to reach out to him, it took a lot of will power not to call whoever it is out. A twisted mixture of rage and sadness bubbled away inside as I waited for a response, I knew it was a long shot which is why I waited only a few minutes before giving up and calling Namjoon

        "Jungkook's dead, his body's downtown- come get it."

         "Alright."

        That was it.

        Now I wasn’t expecting a deep declaration of grief from the man but to hear the causality in his voice, the unmoved tone he kept it at, made me fume. He hung up almost as soon as the words left his mouth.

        I stared in disbelief for a moment, how could he be so uninvolved with this? Before I knew it a black car skirted to a stop next to me and the body now covered in a small layer of white. I found myself ready to go all the way off on the man when a face I didn’t know recognize crawled out the drivers seat, he said not a word as he picked the limp boy up and slung him over his shoulder. I stood there until my fingers went numb, trying to process the cocktail of angers in my mind. I was angry he had died in such a way, the kid was no saint but he was good at heart. I was angry Namjoon hadn't the balls to come get the body himself, but most of all I was angry at myself for grieving in such a way instead of finding his killer. It was all beginning to feel like too much. 

        I shuffled into my car and pulled out into the black sea of a night.

        Despite my best efforts to push it from my mind I couldn’t help but remember the last time I'd seen the kid, it was about a week ago, he'd gotten off of that crazy Kim's leash long enough to stop by my house and or office.  We usually gathered up every month or so to hang out and relax but he'd been cooped up with that asshole trying to find some lost cause who was probably at the bottom of Han river.

        If I'd known it be the last time I'd see him I wouldn’t have let him gone back to work. Almost as if a storm cloud was over my head my thoughts soured the longer I brewed over everything. My phone startled me with a sudden vibration, I answered it, not paying attention to the screen.

        "Help me." a hoarse whisper called out, I pulled away to look at the caller ID and just about dropped my phone.

        It was Jungkook's number.

        I wanted to scream, respond, trace the location and then scream again but I knew that wouldn’t get me anywhere, instead I cleared my throat "Um- what?"

        "I need help." the voice whispered so quietly I almost didn’t hear  "Please I don’t have time- my name is (Y/N) (L/N) and I've been kidnapped." 'holy shit-holy motherfucking shit' I thought staring at the phone silently for a moment not believing my eyes, or ears for that matter.

         "(Y/n)?" I asked unsure

        "Yes!- yes I'm hiding in the bathroom right now and he's bound to get suspicious."

        "Who took you do you know?" it was silent for a while, almost as if she was afraid to give his name- though I had a hunch I knew who it was.

         "I can't help you if you don’t help me okay?"

        "Kim Seokjin."

Bingo

        "Do you know where you are by any chance?" I asked tearing my laptop from the backseat. I heard a exhausted exhale before her voice muttered  "If I knew I'd have left sooner." I rolled my eyes at the surprisingly snarky answer, plugging my phone into the laptop to trace the call I remembered the situation.

         "I'll help you- I have your location traced- only if you tell me how you got this phone." it was a few moments before (y/n) responded "I don’t wanna ask how you traced this but um, this guy he-" her voice cracked like she was having trouble speaking "This guy tried to help me but before he could- he was um-."

        "Shot, I know."

        "You know?"

        "I found his body."

        "Who even- look he slipped me the phone before Jin could notice and your literally the only person I can get too so please, help me."

 I pondered my next move, see I could help her, get my revenge on Jin, do right by Jungkook, or I could let her rot and find him another day. That be salt in the wound for Namjoon.

I paused my movements long enough for her to ask if I was still there, I could hear shuffling on the line and a muffled voice somewhere in the distance "I'll be right out!" she yelled to who I can only assume was Jin. She spoke in a rushed whisper "I know I don't know you and your probably not going to come but if anything- could you give a message to my friend?"

I contemplated the situation for a moment before nodding. I realized she couldn’t see me and smacked my hand against my head for being stupid "What kind of message?"

        "That I'm sorry- and I love him, Kim Namjoon that is."

I felt what's left of my conscious gnawing at me to be the bigger person, with a sigh I did something I know I'll end up regretting.

        "No need for sappy love confessions I'm on the way."

        "What- no way call the police or something don’t come here this guy- he'll kill you."

        "I don’t do cops, I'll just come get you myself. Simple." I said slamming my laptop and tossing it in the back with a handful of other technology littered about.

         "You don't understand the man who has me won't hesitate to kill you just-"

         "Don’t worry." and with that the call ended.

Namjoon POV

        I hadn't left my office since Jungkook planted the seed in my head taehyung could be behind this, A tug of war had begun to take hold in my head, it didn’t sit right with me, the idea of him being so malicious to involve an innocent woman. Despite our, past, I couldn’t find it in me to believe it. Then on the other side I was clinging to any form of hope there was, any kind of ending to this where she was okay. Me and Jungkook had been working non stop, covering every inch of land, interrogating Taehyung's men, and even a little bit of unorthodox bribing, but we got nowhere. Last night I told the kid to take off and enjoy the holidays as best as he could, and to my knowledge he was, that was until Yoongi called me.

        I had a rule when it came to my men dying, I hire more but this, this was different, it was personal- at least it felt personal. I don't remember much of the phone call, I think I went numb. After I hung up a merciless wave of exhaustion hit me, forcing me to lean on my paper covered desk. My body was screaming at me to do something, to sleep, to eat actual food, I can't remember the last time I had something that wasn’t instant ramen.

        I figure im better off alive than dead so I headed home for the first time in what felt like years. I drifted in and out of reality as I drove to my house- i'm shocked I managed to make it home without causing at least one accident. See when the love of your life gets kidnapped by the actual worst human on the planet and its your fault- it really can fuck you up, add the fact that one of my best men, my second in command was now dead when I needed him most and you got a shit-show of a conscious mind, which explains why somehow on the track to my house I ended up in front of (Y/n)'s place.          I stared at her door confused on how the hell I'd gotten there for a moment before a loud yawn escaped my throat reminding me of my body's low battery. Walking past the new door I'd gotten put in there, I tossed my heavy coat on the couch. The house was unchararistically quiet, it unnerved me more than anything else. No matter how much time passed, I still wasn't used to her being gone. Sure she was a busy college student and I was always swamped with work (i.e. choke slamming information out of people) but one way or another we'd find our way back together, like a pair of oppositely charged magnets, she was the good, the person my mother wanted me to grow up to be. I was bad news, like a gateway to shitty situations.  I rubbed my eyes, not bothering to switch on the lights, I had her place etched into my memory, I'd forget the ABC's sooner than I'd forget anything about this house. My fingers traced over the aged walls as I mindlessly walked into her bedroom. I allowed the nostalgia overwhelm me and suddenly I was seven again, sitting in the corner of this very same room, only it was brighter, warmer, and I was hunched over (y/n)'s Nintendo.         Things were simple.          Easier.

        I spent a lot of my childhood in this house. My parents never cared too much about where I was or what I did, I guess that’s one of the forces that pushed me into Taemin's arms. It was a night almost as cold as this one, me and (Y/n) had gotten into a petty fight about me dropping out of school, I just barley let the words slip from my mouth before she was up and pacing. "Don't talk like that joonie your future depends on school no matter how shit it is." I rolled my eyes getting more irritated by the second "Look I don't need your permission to do a damn thing." I tried to walk out the door but she placed both of her hands on each side of the frame stopping me from leaving. "Get out of the way your being annoying." "Nuh uh no way am I letting you walk out here to do something stupid." Thankfully I hit my growth spurt before her so I just lifted her out of the way and walked downstairs, of course her stubborn ass followed me, "Namjoon don't- I can't shake the feeling your doing this for a stupid reason." I turned around causing her to slam into my chest "I don't need you to baby me like i'm some kind of responsibility okay? leave me alone."          When he first came to me  I was hesitant to join him, after all it was a life of crime he was proposing, I don't even know how he found me, but in the state i was in, too hot headed and too stubborn to care about the aftermath of it all, I walked down to the docks, where he always lurked around this time of night with a handful of his men playing poker or hassling someone, they always looked like they were on top of the world,  I realize now it was because they owned it.         I ran there out of breath and as fast as my thirteen year old legs could take me, stumbled before him. I opened my mouth to take up his offer but he seemed to read my mind, he motioned me over with a swipe of his hand, patting the seat next to him ( not before kicking his lackey out of it of course) he slapped his large hand on my back and shook my body back and forth in what i'm sure was supposed to be an affectionate way. "I knew you'd come around kid, you got that look in your eye, like you want more outta life." I nodded gaping like a goldfish, he walked around like a movie star after all. Wealth and power were what I craved, I needed more from life than a pencil pushing job- I knew school could never give me the things he could.

        "I can see myself in those eyes boy." I said nothing but smiled , he laughed and handed me a beer "After all you’re a man now right?" The lackeys shouted in responce and already I felt like I was meant to be there. I learned rather quickly why he scouted for me in the first place, for all his charms the man was obsessed with himself, his legacy to be more specific. He needed people to prtcet the empire he'd buillt, that and his son Taehyung. Taemin figured the most loyal soldiers were the ones who'd been with you the longest. I felt my bloodshot eyes narrow at the memories, he changed my life for sure but thinking of him made me feel like I was covered in filth, like someone had ashe'd a cigarette on my whole body then kicked me down a hill. Despite the protest my body put up, I walked the rest of the way and landed stomach first on her bed, it was soft and smelled like her which instantly relaxed me, if I closed my eyes it was almost like she was still there. Almost

        I settled into her bed like I'd done so many times in the past and though I was drained emotionally and physically my mind raced as if I didn’t feel like walking death.

I rocked between thinking about Taemin and (y/n)- I chose the ladder.

        My thoughts flashed with all the memories we'd made in this room, the stupid fights we'd forget in an hour, the late nights watching full house reruns and falling asleep on each other. I think, the moment I realized I cared about her way more than the average best friend is when we made up from the fight about school. It was the longest we'd gone without talking, a whopping two weeks, I'd been getting used too my new life and she'd been dealing with middle school without her best (and only real) friend. I showed up at her door with the intention of telling her we couldn't be friends- that I wasn’t going to be around. Then I saw her smile and I was gone, she went off telling me about how much fun she was having and how weirdly nice everyone was, the fact that not even two minutes of her talking could wipe out the nasty mood I was in- it kind of felt like getting punched in the chest but it was a warm punch, a punch I wanted to keep getting, if that made any sense. That night we perched in her backyard with an old blanket and talked like it was going out of style, it was mainly her talking about how much she missed me and how I couldn't leave her life as long as she lived "That pact from fourth grade is still valid, I'll kick your ass if you go anywhere okay?" I stared at her for a while, she had no idea but she was comforting me in the biggest way.         "Yeah I'll stick around, only because your mom makes the best food." she smacked my head lightly making me laugh.

        "Don't joke I'm serious joon."

        "What- do you want a pinky swear or somethin' ?"

        "Yeah maybe I do."

I scraped my body into a kneeling position and raised my pinky in the air, she smiled and copied my actions.

        "This is so childish-ow no need to get violent." she retracted her hand from pinching my arm and resumed her position "I hereby swear, to treasure you as the wonderful best friend that you are, and no matter how ..different we chose to live our lives." she nodded hooking her pinky with mine "And I hereby promise to keep all the gremlin prepubescent's from school away from you if you decide to come back.." I laughed at her declaration before trying to pull away but she only tightened her grip "But if you don't come back I'll just have to keep the real world gremlins at bay yeah?"

        I curled into myself breathing in her sent, praying for that moment to replace the reality I was in.