#god sorry i love him so so so much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skrunksthatwunk · 2 years

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GOD sorry. i am once again thinking about how tragic kiryu is as a character bc it's hurting my feelings. idek if I've made this post before but fuck it I'll make it again.

he just wanted to protect the ppl he loved. he just wanted to love and be loved and that's literally it his entire life and everyone who despised him did so because he was too good or because he hurt them by protecting himself.

he swore up to prove something to his foster father with his childhood best friend. when he got into hot water by chance and that same best friend tried to kill him to save him from torture, he accepted it blamelessly. and when he came back to save kiryu, he welcomed him, despite having pushed him away after the whole attempted murder thing. when that same bestie shot their patriarch to protect their other childhood friend (who they were both in love with), kiryu took the fall, went to jail for ten years, and accepted the title of patriarch killer. all to keep himself from having to figure out a world without nishiki, or to have to watch him suffer like that. and when he got outta jail there was no one (minus majima) to welcome him. suddenly the daughter (presumed niece) of his love shows up and he's got to seek yumi out. in the process he loses friends in shinji and reina, his father in kazama, his love in yumi, and, of course, nishiki. basically everyone in his life is dead and he's about to go to jail before date tells him he's gotta step up for haruka because she needs someone. no matter how badly he wants to tap out of life and go back to wasting away in prison, he's got a responsibility to yumi's daughter, now his.

so despite living one of the worst possible months of his life, he takes her in. he's traumatized, obviously. he moves away from kamurocho (idr if it's out of kamurocho or just further away from the center, but it's not the same spot) and tries to raise haruka somewhat normally. he doesn't want to get wrapped up in further tojo business. he's the ex-chairman and a legend, but he's got a daughter to raise and he's very aware of how simply being around him can endanger her. but if he doesn't help the tojo, a lot of people are gonna die. so he has to help. has to find daigo and get him out of his funk. legit i don't remember the plot of yk2 that haruka's kidnapped again despite his best efforts. he gets stabbed. he's almost blown up. ryuji (supposedly) does, as does... idk.. that racist cop? there's probably someone else. point is him moving a bit away wasn't enough and he needs to cut things off entirely.

so he decides to leave. he moves cross country to okinawa, leaving the tojo (and thus his son daigo) in majima's capable hands (one of the few friends he can trust to take care of himself). he starts an orphanage, a dream of his stemming from his own childhood as an orphan. he just wants to give back, to help these vulnerable children. and for a couple of years it's alright he adjusts to raising 8 children. he thought he was in danger by the local clan, but he smoothes that conflict out relatively easily. it's alright. things are peaceful here. and then the local patriarch is shot. and daigo. his son is in a coma. and people are trying to take the land his orphanage rests on. so he's got to go back to protect his new life. he reconnects with majima and date and the others, and it's so tempting to stay, to be with them. but the orphanage is destroyed. rikiya is killed. it's been a couple years since someone's died in his arms and you can just feel that "oh god not again" feeling in that scene. daigo wakes up just in time to watch his boyfriend most trusted friend due by suicide for their sakes as redemption for almost killing him. after declaring his love for him of course. kiryu is stabbed, but recovers back in his rebuilt home. it is a little emptier, but mostly still intact.

i also legit forget 4's plot but like. a stranger washes up on his shore in a position kiryu was once in. he has to help him. and he just so happens to be majima's sworn brother. so he helps him back. then due to reasons i do not remember he's back in kamurocho and immediately finds out majima's getting arrested. it's daigo's doing and he has to beat him up about it. yasuko dies. idk it's a mess. he gains new allies but he is once again dragged back in. knowing this series he probably has another fakeout death idk

so, he's had enough. haruka wants to pursue her dream, and he's told outright that he can't be in the picture if she's to succeed. so he leaves. he moves far away to work on his own and provide for the orphanage from afar (unsuccessfully sneakily). he adopts a fake name. he drives a taxi. it's okay. he has a framed photo of the orphanage that he keeps facedown on its table. he's fine. daigo hops into his taxi one night. he did not want to be found. he can't do this again. he gives clipped advice. daigo disappears and kiryu is sought out to explain it. and suddenly he's back in it. again. and for the first time in the series he says outright that he cannot escape being yakuza. it's a part of him, and it will follow him forever. he's trapped. no matter what he does, sooner or later, he's going to get dragged (kicking and screaming) into a new conflict. he will be hurt and scared, and he will watch people die. people he could have saved, and failed to. the only thing he can do is run away from it all as fast as possible, because then, at least, the people he loves might be outside of the splash zone. and then majima dies. kiryu wasn't even in the same part of the coutnry as him, but he could have been... and now he has to investigate. and then he gets tied into a plot involving his daughter. they're trying to kill her this time. he cannot support her, even though she's come so far. she is so strong, and so like her mother. he can't even go near her, but he has to protect her, no matter the cost. and he fights. he fights incredibly hard and he's injured. his daughter finds him, having sacrificed her career and endured public scandal to reunite with him, because she doesn't think it's right to abandon her father for her career. he is bleeding out, and has nearly frozen to death. he doesn't believe she's real. he's hospitalized.

he doesn't even get to see some of his visitors before he's hauled off to jail. it's another few years. he can handle it. he waits, and he waits, entrusting the orphanage to haruka. her career is ruined, in a way, because of him. in the way mirei told him it would when she found haruka, when he agreed to leave. eventually, haruka stops visiting. just like the others when he was in for a decade. it's probably nothing. it's nothing. at the very least, he can't do anything about it now. and he finally returns to his children after three years in jail and months before that in fukuoka. and haruka's missing. she hasn't been there in years. so, immediately, he has to leave to find her, and bring her home. what's the point of sacrificing everything for family if you can't be together? so he does a bit of digging and it turns out she's in a coma. she was hit by a car. and she has a baby. she is around 19. kiryu is now a grandfather. no one knows who hit haruka, why (if there is a reason), or who the father is. child services doesn't recognize him, and is going to take the baby away, his baby's baby. so he kidnaps haruto. he starts seeking out answers. suddenly people are after the baby. of course they're after the baby. god, he's so tired. he gains a few more ducklings to chase after him and call him aniki. this hasn't gone well the past few times. one of them is haruto's father, unbeknownst to anyone but their patriarch. kiryu punches him through a glass door for being irresponsible. he goes on this big fucking thing to help everyone out yadda yadda. the patriarch dies. haruka wakes up and he and haruka, haruto, and yuta reunite. yuta promises to take care of her. he scolds her for leaving, even though it's a classic kiryu move. and it's here that he sits down and pens a letter to daigo. his will. it is here that he decided to die or fake his death, and leave it all behind. to cut himself out of their lives and their love completely, so that haruto, at the very least, could grow up in peace, with the loving family he deserved. no violence, two parents. a dream he could not provide haruka, or daigo, or any of the morning glory kids. they'll be okay now. he does not ask if he'll be okay. it doesn't matter anymore. he pens a letter to daigo admitting he feels as though he is daigo's father, and that he is a shitty one. he gives him one last piece of guidance before he disappears. it's a confession. (unbeknownst to kiryu, daigo reads this letter. he begins to refer to kiryu as his father directly. kiryu will never know his feelings are reciprocated by his son. he will never know the fondness the letter inspires in saejima and majima, two of his closest friends). he watches someya die for nothing, then another friend (the mama?? idr her name) die (he doesn't know she survives). he is tortured. he's getting too old for this. he fights, and it's bloody and desperate. it doesn't really matter if he dies anymore, because he'll be as good as dead soon anyway. he "dies" in his daughter's arms. he negotiates the faking of his death. and he returns to morning glory one last time to see haruto begin to walk. they don't need him anymore. it may be hard, but they are beginning to walk on their own. he's got to trust that they'll figure it out, eventually.

and that is the last time he lets himself see any of them. he's gone.

idk what his role in y7 is because i haven't gotten that far, but ik he's there. the trailer for y8 has him (w his kpop hair jdhsj) so it's not like he's disappearing completely. but at the very least during the kiryu saga that's it for him. that's the end of his story. god.

kiryu, a character defined by his love for and loyalty to others, is torn between protecting his two families, and someone always, always slips between his fingers. he is such a deeply passionate and warm and thoughtful perosn. literally all he does is try to help people dude. but because he's too fucking good at helping people everyone's in danger all the time. he is constantly torn between protecting the people he loves and the greater good, and he distances himself further and further from his loved ones because he just can't stop pulling them into hurricane kiryu. so he tries to separate himself from the love that's kept him going to the point of abandoning them completely just to protect them. in the fight between love and duty, love lost. he decided he wasn't able to protect them, and he left.

idk man.. i just think it's sad. he tried so hard and he definitely fucked up but so mucb of what happened was not his fault, not really. but does it matter when people's lives are at stake?

they're better off without him, anyway.

(p.s. i think this is part of what makes kiryu and majima such interesting foils when it comes to this kind of sacrifice. with makoto, majima quickly decided that she was far safer without him, and cut her out of his life. his entire adoption of the mad dog persona, to some extent, could be him keeping others distant for fear of entangling them in violence again. kiryu, on the other hand, tried desperately over and over again to protect people and failed until he finally came to the conclusion that majima did, that people like him are dangerous. that the noble thing to do is to avoid company out of love, to sacrifice your own happiness for others. to view that companionship as selfish. majima resigned to the fate kiryu fought for decades, and lost to. and once saejima's out of prison, majima slips right back beside him. and he cares for daigo, as promised. and he cares for kiryu. he's becoming closer to the people around him as kiryu's drifting away. (y3 is really where they intersect most in this, which is also why it's the most gay kazumaji-wise). god they just really won't let themselves be happy or love people even though they're such naturally caring people. what the hell. and part of why they don't quite distance themselves from each other is because they're both super duper strong. there's a safety there that numbs their protective instincts bc they're true peers. gah anyways love them)

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #kiryu kazuma #rgg analysis #god sorry i love him so so so much #kiryu is not perfect but he is trying so fucking hard and he's not having a good time of it

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stevebabey · 1 year

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you thought it would be all sweetness??? nooo u got to have a little miscommunication angst before anyone gets any hickies. but they will. in time >:) part one. part two. this is a part three :)

Steve blames it all on the clock.

That stupid cuckoo clock on the wall of the Munson trailer. It's an absolute horror of interior design that would make Steve’s mom shiver if she ever laid eyes on it. It’s probably why Eddie loves it — and the god-awful cuckoo! noise it makes when it goes off.

Because the moment Eddie utters that delightful question, asking for a hickie, the nerve of him, Steve loves it — and Steve is more than ready to oblige him — the stupid clock goes off.

It gives them both a fright, Steve more than Eddie. He gives a whole-body twitch that shifts them both, his head snapping to the wall, a breath forced out of his lungs at the sight of the mustard-coloured bird. Shit. Stupid fuckin’ clock, Steve thinks.

But it seems to break the trance over the room. The sweet tension of their shared closeness is sucked out of the room in an instant. Steve is suddenly aware of the time the popping out bird is announcing. It’s late. Far later than Steve intended to stay over, especially considering work tomorrow.

Without meaning to, the prickle under Steve’s skin rolls through his body. It steals away the comfort that he usually feels with Eddie, tenseness filling his body. Steve hates it — hates how he can’t stop himself from tensing up beneath Eddie.

Eddie notices. He's quick to to retract himself from Steve, pushing up and back, giving Steve his space. He sits beside Steve on the couch, still close. Not close enough to touch.

It helps. The rigidness of Steve's body relaxes just a bit but Steve doesn’t want that. He wants Eddie back on him. Wants his hands gripping Steve’s side. His breath fanning over Steve’s face, cheeks cherry red and pupils blown wide. Steve doesn’t say any of that and he sure is shit isn't brave enough to ask for it.

Instead, he croaks, “It’s late.”

Steve reluctantly pushes himself up from his slumped position, eyes already searching for his scattered shoes. He misses the way Eddie’s face falls, the way he tries to tug his hair in front of his face to hide the hurt. It takes another second to school his expression.

Steve hears a cough and then Eddie agrees with a murmur. “Yeah, sure.”

The words ache. No part of Steve is relieved to have Eddie agree with him. He’s not sure what he wanted; for Eddie to egg him to stay just a little while longer? To prove that their kisses hadn’t been a heat of the moment impulsivity? There's nothing to prove they weren't.

No, it was Steve who said he had to go. It is late. But then again maybe, Eddie wanted him to leave. But, no— Eddie just asked for a hickie, he wouldn’t—

“Don’t you have work early tomorrow?” Steve’s spiral cuts short at Eddie’s voice, tinged with… irritation?

O-kay. Now Steve’s not sure what to think. What had been the source of immense joy because Steve had asked for a kiss and Eddie said yes is suddenly… tilted.

The beginnings of embarrassment begin to cling to Steve like a thick fog. He’s done it again. Been overly eager. Asked for too much, too soon— fuck, that had been Eddie’s first kiss too.

“Yeah,” Steve replies, standing and shoving his foot into the one shoe he can find. He spies the other one under the table and wiggles it out with his toe. He can’t find in it to look at Eddie, not just yet. “Yeah, uh, I should get going.”

It’s all wrong. Steve shouldn’t be leaving — not on these terms. Not when he can’t look at Eddie for fear of what he’ll find. Regret? Steve’s not sure if he could face Eddie again, not if there’s even a trace of it on his face. It would feel like Halloween all over again, a bludgeon on Steve’s too-soft heart. It’ll crumble, he just knows it.

Steve wants to stay. He really wants to. He wants to ask for another kiss, ask for a dozen more kisses. Wants to give the hickie Eddie asked so nicely for and receive one back; matching love bites, like a gentler version of their matching twisted scars adorning their sides.

But he’s always asking for more. Steve always needs more. It’s greedy. It’s embarrassing how much he wants it, how he’s already gotten patient touches from Eddie but it’s not enough. Eddie had sounded a pinch annoyed — even aggravated at Steve.

It doesn't cross his mind that it might be for any other reason. Really, Steve thinks he’s doing Eddie a favour.

“Um,” Steve clears his throat, takes the wobble out of his words. Nods to himself and chances a glimpse at Eddie. The older is staring down at his lap, locks of hair trapped between twitchy fingers. They should talk about it. Steve’s not brave enough to risk his heart tonight.

“Well, g’night.” He says quietly, letting himself out the trailer door. He closes it behind him gently, shoes tapping against the stairs on the way down. It feels wrong, it feels wrong — but it would be selfish to turn back.

He repeats the sentiment over and over, raspy whispers beneath his breath as he climbs into his car. It would be selfish. The engine turns over and he hesitates for just a moment, hoping to catch a silhouette in the kitchen window. It’s empty. Of course, it’s empty.

Of course, Eddie is not chancing for a glance at him on his way out because Steve just asked for more and more and more, and he took Eddie’s first kiss and then— He whispers it to himself again. It would be selfish to turn back.

When he thinks about it on the drive home, Steve’s sure it all comes back to that stupid fucking clock.

Eddie stares in the mirror.

He’s not sure why he was so convinced there would be some radical change in him upon popping his make-out cherry but… well, here he was. Staring in the mirror like he had this morning. Except 10 hours earlier, he had been unkissed.

Tonight, the difference shows. His lips are rosier than usual, a swell to them given by hasty sweet kisses. It’s the only evidence of his spit-sharing moment of passion with Steve on the couch. The rosy colour is already beginning to fade.

Eddie sinks his teeth in. He doesn’t want the only physical proof that he even got to kiss Steve to be gone so soon. Even if that fact seems terribly bitter now.

“What the shit did you do, Munson?” He murmurs to himself in the tiny bathroom mirror.

It’s got toothpaste specks splayed across it. Eddie stares past them. Stares into his own face, reading every change in his features as emotions inside him churn. It’s heading for a distraught expression, the upturn of his brows and quiver in his lips giving him away. He always was a crier. Eddie really wishes he wasn’t.

“Idiot!” He pairs the word with a bang on the wall beside the mirror, frustration leaking out. The toothbrush on the sink shudders in its cup with a clink.

Eddie hates the welling in his eyes. He hates that he ruined the first fuckin’ good thing to happen to him in this town. Loathes that he drives away the first person who actually knows him and still wants to kiss him.

Well, wanted to kiss him.

Eddie’s pretty sure Steve scampering out of the trailer is more than a big enough sign. It’s a blazingly bright neon sign — light up words that say ‘This was a mistake!’

Except, it hadn’t felt at all like a mistake to Eddie. It had felt wonderful, better than anything he had thought, the soft curve of Steve’s lips, the grip on his hands on Eddie’s face, the heat in his face, the— Eddie growls, wiping his hand down his face to shake the thoughts. Too good to be true was what it was.

It’s because of what he said. Of what he asked for. It had to be that. But— but Steve had looked eager and almost excited and then the stupid clock had gone off, scaring the shit out of them both. Maybe it was then that Eddie’s words had sunk in and Steve realised what he’d gotten into— and who he’d gotten into it with.

“You had to ask for more, huh?” Eddie scolds himself angrily, wiping his cheeks harshly when a tear streaks free. Another follows, just as fast. Eddie wipes roughly at his face to clear them. Doesn’t care about the streaks of red he leaves on his cheeks. Another trembling reprimand comes out. “You just had to push it, huh? You fuckin’ idiot.”

Eddie can’t stand his reflection anymore. He tears his gaze away as he spins and heads straight for his room.

The button on his stereo is sticky and it takes a few forceful clicks to turn it on, but when he does, he cranks it. It’s loud enough he’ll surely wake some neighbours. Eddie can’t find it in him to care, not even when the neighbours dog starts off with its incessant barking. Anything to stop hearing himself cry.

“Something’s up with Eddie.” is the first thing Robin says when she comes in the front door.

Steve’s mid-yawn when she does, a result of a night of tossing and turning, and he somehow manages a strange choke at her words. In a haste to shut his mouth, he chomps on his fingers covering his mouth — then hisses, pulling it away from his face. He ignores Robin’s perplexed expression, shoving the hand deep in his pocket. His ears feel a tad hotter.

“What? Why? What makes you think that?” Steve asks the questions in rapid succession. Very chill, he chides himself. At this rate, Robin would have him all figured out 10 minutes into their shift.

And it’s not like— well, Robin’s advice is usually great. A bit cut-throat, sure. She doesn’t have a problem trodding on his feelings on her way to tell him the hard truth. Usually, it’s fine. Steve could probably do with a bit of ego-bruising.

Today, he’s… It’s different. That’s what Steve tells himself. This thing with Eddie, he wants to fix it himself. And with too much meddling from Robin’s advice, even if it was with the best intentions, might mix things up too much. It’s hard enough keeping his half-baked apology that’s been brewing since last night in proper order in his mind.

Thankfully, Robin doesn’t comment on his odd demeanor. She just bustles into the back room — there are a couple sounds of her dumping her stuff. When she comes back out the front, she’s fixing her Family Video vest. It looks perfectly straight to Steve.

He checks his own — it’s sitting askew, part of the collar flipped over. He hastily fixes it, running his hands down the front to smooth it a bit.

“Just,” Robin starts, talking as she sits in front of the computer, beginning to take a crack at the admin she managed. She likes doing things as she talks, Steve knows. Helps keep her from letting words run away from her.

Steve’s thankful for it now because she isn’t looking at him when she says, “I think he might have had a bad nightmare last night, or something of that sort. I don’t know. Maybe I’m way off — you know how I am with trying to read people, Steve. I’m not good at it! But when I saw him, he just seemed…”

Robin seems to take an extra moment to deliberate her word choice. Steve’s really glad she’s still facing the computer so she can’t see the myriad of emotions that show on his face.

“…Off.” is the word she decides on.

Which means bad. Steve feels like he’s swallowed a stone. It sinks deep into his stomach. It burns, sour and scorned, twisting up his gut. It means Eddie is bad — it means disappointment, means he regretted it. That Steve had been right; that he’d been too eager, too soon. Too much.

Right. Of course, this happens again. Really, Steve had brought it on himself by asking for so much. It had been one thing to ask for a hug — who actually has to do that? — and then to expect he might get Eddie to kiss him too? What a overstep. Christ, he's an idiot.

“That’s not…” He hears himself say, still lost in his thoughts. It's only when Robin turns on the stool, brows raised, that Steve realises he hasn’t finished his sentence. “Good. That’s not good. To hear.”

Steve turns and starts shuffling around the films on the returns cart, picking them up at random. He stares at a copy of ‘The Princess Bride’ in his hands, a new release, and forces out a causal question.

“What made you think that?” He asks, shoving the film into an empty slot, like he was arranging them. He’s relieved when Robin’s clicking on the keyboard resumes, along with a dramatic sigh.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I can be trusted to read anyone’s emotions correctly at any given time, honestly. Remember that old lady? I thought she was being sweet that whole time and then you told me she was being rude! And I couldn’t even tell…”

Robin’s ramble is comforting and helpful to Steve in a way he didn’t know they could be. He presses the cart out, finally getting a move on with it, but delivers a quick nod to Robin when she’s looking to let her know he’s still tuned in. He listens to her get distracted by another topic and leaves Eddie’s name in the dust. It’s a silent relief.

It’s a task to multi-task, listening and devising a plan, but Steve has all shift to find the balance. It’s sometime between finishing re-stocking the action section and starting the romance that Steve decides he should apologise. He should go over today and apologise.

Eddie’s a big boy but Steve’s fairly certain now, if he regretted it, Eddie had probably felt obliged to kiss him back. Probably hadn’t minded the first kiss but- but— Something sticks in his brain; it was Eddie’s first kiss.

It makes Steve feel worse. It doesn’t matter, really, Steve should say sorry for all of it. God, he’s such an idiot.

By the time he’s clocked out, it’s all set in place. He’s got a dozen different apologies running in a loop in his head, reciting the words in time with his anxious tapping on the steering wheel. It’s not a long drive out to Forest Hills Trailer Park. The drive is well-known now. Steve tries hard not to wallow in what he might be losing today. What he lost because he’d been too greedy with want.

The sight of a brown van parked roadside yanks him from his thoughts. Eddie’s van. Steve’s stomach turns, nerves gnawing faster. He slows, trying to catch eye of the other boy as he rolls to a stop behind the van. The sun is beginning to dip closer to the horizon, the temperature going with it.

At the same time, they see each other; Eddie’s head popping around the raised hood to see who had stopped, right as Steve pops his door. Eddie retreats in an instant. Steve's chest grows a bit tighter.

Gravel crunches underfoot as Steve takes a few wary steps closer. It doesn’t take more than a couple before Eddie calls out. He doesn’t bother poking his head out again.

“Go away, Steve.”

Steve swallows thickly. Yeah, okay, he deserves that. He deserves probably worse than that. But more importantly than that, Eddie deserves to hear this. And Steve... needs to not lose Eddie.

“Can I… can we talk?” Steve asks, taking a couple steps closer. A car whizzes by on the road, hidden from Steve's view behind the van. He still keeps his distance, hovering. His hands clench nervously at his sides. Steve shoves them deep in his jean pockets, wiping the sweat off them as he goes.

“What part of ‘Go away’ isn’t clear enough for you?” Eddie snarks back. He still doesn't stick his head out, still won’t look at Steve. It stings.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Steve starts, another instinctive step forward taken. “I-I just, I shouldn’t have left like I did last night. I wanted to apologise.”

There’s a clattering from behind the hood like Eddie’s dropped a tool. He swears. Steve wants to take another step, wants to see Eddie — wants to read every emotion and apologise for causing any of the ugly ones.

“Well, apology accepted,” Eddie responds. There’s a bite in his words. His next words are grumblier, quieter. “And message fuckin’ received.”

What? “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That—” Finally, Eddie steps away from the van, rounding the hood to march up to Steve. His arms cross over his chest, a wrinkle set between his brows that pull his face into a glare. Robin was right; he is off. This isn’t normal Eddie. Fuck, Steve had fucked up bad.

“That means message received, Steve.” Eddie seethes. He uncrosses his arms to gesture wildly. Steve misses the wobble in his bottom lip. “Message received loud and clear! I get it!”

And all Steve wants to ask is: get what? He doesn’t ask that. He should know what. That would be an idiotic question, would make Eddie more irritated. Lord knows, Steve has been enough of a fool in the last day. So, he doesn’t ask.

“Look, I just…” Steve starts, words a bit weak. They die in his throat as he tries to recall a single apology he had practiced all day and comes up empty. “I’m just- I just wanted—look, I’m sorry I took your first kiss!”

It’s not exactly what he means to say, but Steve certainly is sorry for it. Eddie’s expression wavers, some anger slipping away. Confusion takes its place.

“What?” Eddie says with a tone of bafflement. “What are you talking about?”

“And I’m sorry I kept… kept asking for more.” Steve continues on, pulling on the thread inside him, connected to the terrible stone he swallowed earlier. He tugs it. Hopes pulling it will unravel the guilt sitting heavy in his stomach.

Steve scrunches his eyes shut and rubs the bridge of his nose. “I know, okay? I know that I can be a lot.” He sighs and drops his hands.

“But I didn’t mean to… shit,” He wrenches his eyes open. Eddie’s a bit wide-eyed now, brown eyes watching him intently. Steve doesn’t know what expression he’s wearing, can’t tell if it’s good or worse. He continues, soft words scraping out his throat.

“I didn’t mean to be like that with you.”

Eddie searches Steve’s face, eyes darting and wild. He licks his lips. His hands are in motion, fingers twisting rings, quick and fast. It’s a nervous action.

“What do you mean by ‘like that?’” Eddie asks, voice gentler. It's lost its snarl from before.

Steve blinks, a scrape of teeth worrying his bottom lip. He murmurs his admittance lowly, just one word, “Selfish.”

Eddie doesn’t try to hide his surprise; it ripples across his face in a wave. Confusion melts away into something closer to, Steve hopes desperately, relief. Steve can feel his own heart thudding hard inside his chest — can feel the beat it skips when Eddie steps closer.

“Steve?” Eddie says, sounding unlike himself. Steve’s never heard his voice that small. He nods, wordlessly. Eddie searches his face once more — wide brown eyes scanning and devouring. Steve can’t help but do the same.

He drinks in the details of Eddie’s face; the soft scruff along his top lip, the darkness of his lashes and the way they kiss in the corner that Steve adores. The pink of his lips. The familiar ache to kiss Eddie surges up within him, still as violent and strong as it had been the night before.

Steve should really stop looking at Eddie’s lips. He’s supposed to be apologising. He drags his eyes up and meets Eddie’s gaze full-on, prepared for whatever he might say. Except, he’s not expecting him at all to say;

“Can I... try this again?” It comes out a ragged breath, Eddie's scared eyes conveying the weight behind his words.

And this time Steve doesn't even need to ask what because he knows. Because Eddie's hands are reaching up and holding either side of Steve's face so gently. Steve can't recall a time he's ever been held so softly. His own hands come up slowly, draping around Eddie's wrists to hold them, to keep them there.

Eddie's thumb traces. It draws a sweet line of that familiar fire beneath Steve's skin along til it's settled on Steve's bottom lip, resting. The blood under Eddie's thumb thrums, gloriously warm, aching with want. Yes. Steve thinks. Yes, yes, yes.

"Yes, please." Steve breathes, so sincere the words comes out as a kiss against Eddie's thumb.

So, Eddie kisses him.

now with a part four !

tags below! sry if i tagged u and u didn't want it just tagging everyone who replied <3 @they-reap-what-we-sow @impeachy @anaibis @resident-gay-bitch @ediewentmissing @newtstabber @original-cypher @invisibleflame812 @hunterbow04 @leather-and-freckles @dracoswifeandlokispet @foolofentirelytoomanyfandoms @lfaewrites @sundead @call-me-big-eyes @the-redthread @goblinmanifesto @etaka @bishopextractions @ketterfuck @persephone13 @beckkthewreck @maya-custodios-dionach @autumnal-dawn @yourstrulyjoko @gleefully-macabre @princess-eddie @savory-babby

#EHEHE SORRY I CANT RESIST A LITTLE BIT OF MISCOM ANGST #MORE SWEETNESS COMING THO!!!#on god eddie needs his hickie #and im gonna GIVE HIM ONE #AND SO MUCH LOVE!!!!!!#BEST BOYS NEED TO BE HAPPY IN LOVE!!!!#maybe one more part :)#i had only one more idea for the can i's and i BET u can guess what it might be <3 #and it needs to draw back to touch cos that was the POINT of this fic originally #IM ALL BOUT PARALLELS BABEY #hope u find this delicious #gay ppl in my phone... this for u #can't wait to write the relieved kisses w the 'YOU THOUGHT WHAT???'#they're such goobers <3 #steddie #steve x eddie #steddie fic #steddie ficlet #can i series #HOW MANY CAN I'S CAN U SPOT THIS TIME !!!#ruby writes steddie #steddie angst #steddie fluff #uhhhh don't flop challenge #or do flop. i can't control the masses #hopefully this hits the brainrot just right

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