#god of fatherhood because he is the best dad to ever dad in the existence of dads

[elykyle07]

GOD ODYSSEUS AU ART!

Okay so I have made some art of Odysseus in my god Odysseus au! (For context i have an epic au where 20+ years after the odyssey Odysseus dies and ascends to godhood as the god of fatherhood, cause he is the ultimate dad afterall)

So anyway I wanted to make God Odysseus a statue like other greek gods have! Like the kind you would find in their temples that people would pray to, so after finding pictures of greek statues on the internet, cobbling them together to make a base for me draw off, sticking to stone colours to make it actually look like a marble stature, and trying to make Odysseus look “godly” enough its finally done! (I would like to clarify i am NOT an artist but simply an epic nerd powered by adhd and the gay audacity)

Here is God Odysseus! Depicted helping one on the children of Odysseus (name for all the children Odysseus went around adopting after becoming a god) fire a bow! A pretty fatherly thing to do if you ask me!

Hope you all like this art and introduction to my God Odysseus AU!

[scarletttries]

Dad! Roman Roy x Reader Headcanons:

Pairing: Dad! Roman Roy (Succession) x Pregnant! / Parent Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Author's Note: We're back to sweet and sad Roman Roy over here 💕 I've written a couple of headcanons and fics about the moment Roman finds out his partner is pregnant, so for everyone that requested a follow up to that, here are some Roman as a dad headcanons 😊🌸

During the Pregnancy:

- This is life changing news for any couple, but when you grew up as sheltered and neglected as sweet, broken Roman Roy, this cracks open your universe all the way to its foundations. He will be in a constant state of panic and sarcasm as he tries to rebuild his world view by your side, but he'll make sure you know that he never has any doubts about you and your future together, his fears land squarely on his shoulders and his abilities to love this new tiny human. But he used to think he'd never love someone the way he loves you, so that fills him with hope that he can surpass his own expectations again.

- He's never had to take responsibility for his actions before in any meaningful way, so don't be surprised if he's a little bit useless when it comes to making plans and getting organised. He'll need help making it to every appointment on time, but by god will he be there, holding your hand and staring at the little screen with an uneasy look in his eye, like he can't quite fathom that there's a life starting inside you.

- Kendall is so excited that his brother is becoming a father that he tries to give him all his best advice, even though most of it is borderline insane. In the end Kendall recommends some 'galaxy brain parenting podcasts' to Roman, and you come home to find them echoing through the penthouse's sound system, Roman scribbling notes like he's trying to cram for an exam at the last minute.

- Prepare to have the absolute highest end luxuries that money can buy for your nursery, a room bigger than your first apartment and that looks like something straight out a catalogue. Sometimes when you're up at night because the wriggling baby inside you won't let you sleep, you'll find Roman sat up in the corner rocking chair, just doing his best to feel at home in this new space, trying to see himself as the kind of father he wants to be.

- Every word he utters for the full nine months is soft, gentle, calm, even when he doesn't feel any of those things. It's like he's trying to make sure this new life doesn't hear the sound of anger or ridicule at any point in its existence, starting as soon as possible in his desperate efforts to be less and less like his father by the day.

- When the time comes for the delivery, Roman has to keep running in and out of the delivery room, struggling to keep still or take a full breath. Finally when it's the moment of truth, he'll be there. Clutching your hand, wailing into your shoulder in a mixture of fear and being completely incapable of seeing you in pain without it eating him alive, and in a flash you two are cradling a little life in your arms, and your time to get ready is up.

Fatherhood:

- From the moment your child is laid in Roman's arms for the first time, fighting every instinct to keep himself physically detached and just let you handle the touchy-feely stuff, he knows this is going to break him, then piece him back together stronger than ever. He knows he's never going to want to put this little one down, the sheer innocence painted across their face and wonder in their eyes as they stare up at him, it's the only way he ever wants to be looked at again. It reminds him of the first time you smiled his way and suddenly he felt like he could be forgiven all his sins.

- Roman is immensely protective, leaving it weeks until any of the family are allowed to visit, not wanting to put either of you at risk, and not wanting anything to burst the bubble of those perfect weeks at home. Yes, it's exhausting and draining and everything feels like you're doing it wrong, but it's easily the happiest Roman's ever felt in his life.

- Conner and Willa appear first thing when visitors are finally allowed, bringing a generally appropriate gift for a newborn and genuine excitement to be a part of your little one's life. Next up is Ken, who brings the latest in baby technology, claiming it will practically raise the child for you, a sentiment that leaves Roman reluctant to even let his brother hold the newborn. Finally Shiv arrives, her gift of a vintage Mercedes parked downstairs for the minute your little one is old enough to drive, a time Roman claims will never come because they're definitely staying a tiny perfect baby forever.

- His family can tell that something has shifted in Roman as he smiles and plays affectionately with little baby Roy, like a warm, loving part of him that had been beaten into a corner and stifled by his father had finally been allowed to break free again and thrive in the light. When Caroline turns up two weeks later, her gift to you a full time nanny that neither of you asked for, Roman sends her away, wanting to take on this role, using his immense privilege to be there for his child in every moment rather than letting a stranger provide help and reduce that responsibility.

- The fact that you brought this light into his world, only makes Roman look at you with even more reverence, truly the greatest gift he could ever hope for. He's not shy in telling you how amazing what you did was, how incredible you already are as a mother, how lucky he and your child are to have you in his life. While he kept himself pretty PG during your pregnancy, prepare to constantly be called a Milf, and to have him slide up behind you when the baby is sleeping, unable to keep his hands off you and asking when you think you should expand your family to include a few siblings.

- As your little one starts toddling, Roman wouldn't want to keep them as locked in an ivory tower as his childhood felt, taking walks through the local park and meeting the other local parents, trying to just be a regular person and normal father for his baby's sake. Watching how easily they can make a new friend and connect him with others feels completely unbelievable when only a few years ago he wasn't sure he'd ever even have a friend of his own, let alone a family full of love.

- When he has to go into Waystar, you best believe 'the world's smallest executive' is coming in too, toddling hand in hand with their father all across the top floor. By the time they're finished for the day, Gerri's bought them an ice cream, Franks brought a balloon and Carolina is looking up how to get a carousel installed in the lobby. And every one of them is so proud of Roman, the picture of growth and stability (or at least trying so hard to be), far from the man they used to worry about on a daily basis.

- It's challenging for any new parents, but Roman still tries to prioritise having the occasional night as just the two of you, spending some time in an adult establishment with adult beverages, even if half your conversations circle back to how incredible your child is, and how hilarious it is that Roman's taught them to call cousin Greg a monster and run away every time he walks in a room, and how you never needed to worry about taking this step together, because you make a perfect team. As long as you work together, you two can really make it through anything, and your growing family is the best thing yet.

- A couple of years later, when you start to realise the feeling inside you is familiar, you aren't even a little bit scared. You'll come running out the bathroom at the little blue tick on a plastic strip and Roman will erupt into cheers like the two of you just single handedly won the superbowl, tackling you to the ground and covering your face in tears and kisses as he realises this is exactly where, and who, he was meant to be.

[necros-writing-stuff]

Imagine this: a younger/kid PC finding out about the attic, maybe even a picture from when Bailey and Eden were still in school, and is now determined to find Eden, and try to bring the two together again

———

Basically The Parent Bait, but there’s only one (1) annoying and stubborn kid (except anon has never seen the movie)

Bailey knew you were a menace as soon as you were dropped off on his doorstep. And he was right. You break out of the youth wing and wander around, you latch onto him as he passes by despite his best efforts to not be fatherly, and of course he caught you coming down the ladder from the loft.

Now you've followed him to his meeting with Eden, staring up at both of them with a big smile on your face as they feel a mutual relief that they kept their pants on.

"One of yours...?" Eden looks jumpy, ready to get gone. Its best that people don't know he exists, and if this kid is some sort of spy (a terrible one if they are), then it could mean trouble.

Bailey flicks some ash off the end of his cigarette. "You're meant to be at school, kid."

His glare doesn't change a thing, you're still there, swinging your arms back and forth as you rock on your feet, a giggle bubbling up from your chest.

"Is this your boyfriend from that old photo?"

Both of them freeze. There's an old photo? You used the word 'boyfriend', too, which doesn't help with how god damn fragile the line of friendship and lovers is between the two.

"We aren't boyfriends, what fucking photo, kid?"

Your little hand dives straight into your pocket, producing a faded picture with creases marking the material. "This one! From an old box in the loft. I don't know why you don't like me up there, it's just dusty."

There's so much innocence still in your eyes. So much lack of knowledge about the world leaving blank spaces in your head that you fill with dreams. You don't even seem to realise how the mention of the loft makes both men grow pale.

Bailey snatches the photo from you, briefly glancing at it to ensure its really them. Eden looks away from it. He'll have to burn it later.

"Wait here kid. Don't move - not an inch, do you understand? I need to talk about something you're too young for, so no listening in."

He grabs the fabric of Eden's coat, hauling him several feat away before speaking once more in hushed tones. "I'm worried about this one. They'll give me a stress heart attack when they're older, I just know it. Hope someone just adopts them so I won't have to put up with them."

No response from Eden as he looks at you over his shoulder, nodding his head when you wave at him.

Bailey continues. "They think I'm like. Their dad or something. It pisses me off, Eden, how can one kid be that dumb? I mean-"

"Or whoever raised them this far was just as much of a cold bastard as you and they think it's normal cause they don't know anything else."

Sometimes Eden says smart things. Sometimes. Bailey rarely likes it. "Yeah well they should learn better anyway."

Eden has something in his eyes when he looks back at you once more. A hint of pity and wistfulness.

"I want kids, I ever tell you that?" They're speaking quietly, but this one is whispered.

The hunter can't adopt. He doesn't have the paperwork, can't pass inspections. But you're an adventurous kid who runs off a lot.

"I can just report them missing. You'd be doing me a favour, and it's better than killing them because they know we used to be just like them."

A month passes before he's able to see Eden again. A month where it looks like the man hasn't slept and has claw marks on his face. He's smiling, though.

"The kid decided we needed a pet badger."

Fatherhood looks good on him.

"But also is asking when their other dad is coming for tea."

And you're still finding ways to make his life difficult.

[tarysande]

S6 Thoughts: A Tale of Two Brothers

But wait! There’s more. Thoughts on the overall arc of the series, Heaven and Hell edition:

In S1, Lucifer is “vacationing” on Earth but doesn’t plan to return to Hell. Amenadiel spends that season trying so hard to force Lucifer back to Hell, where he “belongs,” that he himself Falls. We’ve got this role reversal of an angel doing evil things to return the devil (doing ... good things, like solving crimes) to Hell. It’s all very “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” 

In S2, Lucifer still has no plans to return permanently to Hell, but he’s willing to face it to save Chloe. Of course, this then leads to him experiencing his own forced hell-loop. Amenadiel is also conflicted. Though he’s changed enough that he no longer wants to force Lucifer back to Hell, he’s still uncertain where that leaves either of them. In fact, even when Lucifer pleads with Amenadiel to return him to Hell, Amenadiel refuses. However, when Mum plants the idea of returning to Heaven as a family, Amenadiel clings to that. He’s looking for a purpose. Lucifer, on the other hand, is still very much aboard the Heaven nope train. Here, we also get the foreshadowing of celestial war, and Lucifer’s rejection of Mum’s plan because “In war, there are always casualties.” He would rather sacrifice one--Mum, Uriel--for the many. But it hurts him. If he belongs anywhere, he thinks, it’s Earth ... but, ultimately, that’s shortsighted because we know he doesn’t actually want to be on an Earth that doesn’t have the people he’s coming to care about on it.

S3 is, as we all know, a bit of a mess. But, hey, it’s actually thematically appropriate! Lucifer’s having an identity crisis (wings) that just keeps giving (or taking), and even though subconsciously (we later realize) he gave himself the wings because he was, in fact, making progress reconciling his past and present, his conscious is backsliding like (pun not intended) hell. Much as he wants Earth to be home, he’s got these non-stop reminders of both Heaven and Hell. It makes complete narrative sense that this season reaches the point where he can no longer hide from himself--or from Chloe. 

In this season, we also see Amenadiel really start to settle into the idea of staying on Earth, of embracing humanity. He’s shedding the aloofness he once had. He’s learning (we later realize) how to be the kind of God who sheds mysterious ways in favor of boots on the ground. I mean, he doesn’t realize this. But Dad ... well, he has a Plan. Lucifer begins the season with sudden wings. Amenadiel ends it with his wings’ very deliberate return. 

In many ways, this season is about Hell on Earth and torture at the hands of an entity far more intentionally and deliberately evil than the actual devil. This is why the catalyst of Cain is so important. He is all the things Lucifer has been accused of being, only he embraces it in ways we’ve seen Lucifer reject and recoil from again and again. This season is torture (lol). It’s Hell. It’s every ugly thing lies beget. And much as we love Lucifer, we’re given an extreme close-up of how his omission of truth is very nearly as devastating as Cain’s outright lies. Of course, this nearly results in Chloe’s death (in more ways than one; you can’t tell me that godforsaken marriage wouldn’t have been like dying), and the devil’s vengeance results in the removal of Lucifer’s choice about the where and when to reveal his true nature to Chloe. 

Which brings us to S4, aka The Season of Angst. For Lucifer (and Chloe), anyway. Not so much for Amenadiel, who is set on the path of fatherhood, of responsibility, of partnership and not just commands he expects to be followed. In case we’ve forgotten how much Amenadiel has changed, Remiel “mini-Amen” shows up to remind us. In Linda’s “When angels fall, they also rise” of it, Amenadiel is rising again. He’s not the same as he was, no, but ... we didn’t like old Amenadiel very much, did we? Like Lucifer, Amenadiel is on a journey of learning who he is, the good and the ugly, so he can choose the parts he wants to keep with both eyes open. 

Of course, while Amenadiel is rising, Lucifer is falling. In having to deal with Chloe’s reaction to his devil face, Lucifer is put in the uncomfortable position of either growing enough to face his own darkness and self-loathing or retreating, very literally, into who he used to be because it’s comfortable and less frightening than the prospect of change and the unknown. Until it isn’t, right? The more he becomes the devil Eve remembers, the more uncomfortable he becomes. And the more frightening he becomes. Not to Chloe, as he fears, but to himself--though it takes a while to recognize it. If nothing else, we have to hand this to Lucifer’s subconscious: when it wants him to PAY ATTENTION DUMMY, it’s pretty good at getting its point across. If S3 was Hell on Earth starring Cain as the devil, S4 is Hell on Earth starring, well, the devil as the devil with bonus demons. It’s Lucifer’s earthbound iteration of a guilt-induced hell-loop. And at the tragic end, he chooses to return to the place he swore he’d never return, losing everything good in the process, but doing it for selfless reasons. So, that’s new. And it’s why there was still a sliver of hope even when things looked impossibly dark.

S5 begins with Lucifer in Hell--farther from the things he cares about than he has ever been, but also closer to his true calling. Not that he realizes it; this is Lucifer we’re talking about. So, of course it makes sense that as the season goes on, he’ll end up confused by suddenly having everything he always thought he wanted within his grasp. The Lucifer who led a rebellion against his father because he thought he could do better than God? Of course that part of him wants to be handed the job now. No--he wants to earn it. And while some of his reasons are not great, others are. His heartbreak about the injustice and unfairness of life, well ... who hasn’t felt that way? Who hasn’t wanted the power to unilaterally make things better? But that’s not how free will works. That’s not how choice works. While Lucifer wrestles with the necessity of becoming God, Amenadiel recoils from what his S1 self would have seen as his right and his calling. S1 Amenadiel would have made a terrifying and inflexible and absolute and judgmental God. Perhaps even a God closer to our imaginings of Evil than Good.

S6 is about how sometimes personal growth means we grow out of old dreams and acquire new ones. Sometimes, it’s about reimagining those old dreams, rebuilding them with new information. For Amenadiel, that means recognizing that the person he is now is the best man for the Big Job. It means recognizing that Heaven can be (a place) on Earth if he wants it to be. It means he sets aside the pride of “If God wants something done, he sends ME” in favor of delegation and accepting help--and in doing so, helping others (his siblings) discover their callings too. He learns to lead by example, tempered with love and humility.

In Paradise Lost, Milton’s Lucifer famously declares that it is better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven. But our Lucifer ... his calling isn’t ruling in Heaven. That’s the old dream of a person who no longer exists. Ironically, Lucifer’s calling is to serve in Hell. Not to serve a distant, ineffable, unfathomable being’s mysterious ways, mind you, but to tangibly serve the humans he has come to love, and who have taught him so much about himself. Who have taught him about love and sacrifice and light and darkness and second chances and hope and faith. When Lucifer chooses to return to Hell, he does so with his eyes open, just as Chloe returns to the LAPD with her eyes open. It’s a lesson that revisits the first episode of the season: Truth and wonder don’t have to be at odds. They can go hand in hand. The mysteries at the heart of pain and suffering and trauma--those are the ones Lucifer wants to solve. Because solving them isn’t about trusting to a higher power (aka the justice system, which is flawed) or designing the perfect torture. It’s about quite literally helping others set themselves free. Finding release. It’s about being a guide, not a judge. And it’s about fulfilling not the temporary desire that merely scratches the itch, but offering the tools necessary to help others determine--choose--their path to the desire they may not even realize is buried beneath the layers of scar tissue within them. And what could be more wonderous than that? Especially when you have a partner who makes you better at your calling, even as you make them better at theirs.

In the end, Heaven and Hell are what we make of them. One person’s Heaven is another person’s Hell. Love is what matters. In all its many, many forms.

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//fatherhood headcannons//

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou / Bokuto Koutarou / Daishou Suguru

Warnings: none 

Word Count: 1.7K (~550 a piece)

Notes: don’t come for me and my self-indulgence. Also >:C if you’re of age and living in the United States, go fucking vote.  i am not asking. 

Kuroo Tetsurou

He goes into this whole fatherhood thing with complete and utter confidence.  Kuroo Tetsurou is convinced that he doesn’t need to have a single parenting book.  How hard can it be?

It’s all just making sure his kid doesn’t die, right? R I G H T?

He tries really hard to understand all of your discomforts during the pregnancy, but wowowow he’s bad at it.  You were complaining that your feet were sore and he just looked at you weird.  You had just gotten out of bed?  How did your feet already hurt?  Your back hurts? How? You’re laying down?

He recognizes that you’re in discomfort and he, of course, doesn’t look past that.  He’s going to do whatever he needs to do to ensure your comfort, but he just struggles to comprehend it.

I promise that Kuroo was so calm and cool and collected throughout the entire pregnancy and honestly, even during delivery, he was there to tell you how great you were doing, holding your hand, letting you crush his fingers in your tight grip.  He would pat your head and occasionally give you little kisses on your temple.

But when the nurse asks if he wants to hold his new little girl and places her in his arms, oh he’s crying.  He doesn’t even realize that he’s crying until he feels the tears stream down his cheeks.

It was in the following weeks that he realized just how hard this whole parenting thing would be.  Sleep?  Kuroo didn’t know her.  The baby religiously started crying every night at 2:27 a.m. and it would take nearly an hour to get her to fall back asleep.  By the time that hour passed, he was already back to being wide awake and would just lay in bed, unable to fall back asleep for hours.  

The first time he ever had to change a diaper, he had to pull up a YouTube video to figure it out, but he’s not about to tell you that.  

He has no idea how to dad, but Kuroo ends up being a really incredible father.  While he may be lacking in the basic skills like knowing the correct formula temperature or how to properly hold his daughter, he makes up for it with his constant companionship.  

You’ve walked in on him in the nursery so many times.  He’s really not even doing anything.  He’s just leaning against the crib, running his fingers across his little girl’s skin, still not believing that this is real and that that little baby is his, something that he helped create.  Oh, it just makes him so soft to think about.   He talks real quietly to her, telling her about his day, like she has any idea what he’s saying, but he still smiles so wide when she looks at him.

His little girl is his entire world and I just know that he’s an incredibly protective father.  He knows that the world is a scary place and he wants his daughter to be able to grow up having the best life possible, even if it is difficult.

Bokuto Koutarou

It was an accident.  It was 100% an accident.  But, the absolute joy that lit up his features when you told him your happy news, well, you don’t think you had ever seen him smile so wide.  He had picked you up to spin you around and covered your face in kisses.  Bokuto had set you down and immediately squatted down to place a kiss on your non-existent baby bump, telling his little baby how excited he was to be their papa.

Bokuto does prepare, well, at least a little. He owns one book, but he has read it cover to cover.  When he was reading through it, he would stop at something that he found particularly interesting and show it to you.

He didn’t really know how best to take care of you, but he tried his best!  He would rub your shoulders or feet when you asked.  He would make dinner after practice.  He is absolutely running to the store in the middle of the night because you had a sudden craving for Cheetos and vanilla ice cream.  Bokuto thought it was best not to ask what the hell you were doing when you proceeded to dip the Cheetos in the ice cream.

Bokuto forces you on walks.  He read in that one pregnancy book that walks can help induce labor, so in the time leading up to the due date, Bokuto was taking you on strolls around the block multiple times a day.  

But, he gets really busy with MSBY ;-; like. . . a lot.  He wants to be there every step of the way, but he just can’t.  Even after the baby was born, it seemed like there was rarely a day off for him to just spend with you and the baby.

Nothing hurt more than seeing the video of his little boy taking his first steps, knowing that he wasn’t even there to see it for himself because he was stuck on a bus in another city for a game.

This boy B R A G S about his kid all the time.  Sakusa might just beat his ass if he has to hear Bokuto coo about his son one more time.  

Games that happen at home are Bokuto’s favorites because he knows that whenever he looks up into the stands, you’ll be there, the baby in your arms, a tiny black knit hat with gold detailing pulled over his head.  It always made his heart so warm and he seemed to always be on top of his game just so he could secure a win quicker.  He just wanted to rush to you and cradle his little one in his arms.

He likes to toss his little bean up into the air, but he has absolutely bonked his son’s head on the ceiling and then proceeded to fail to catch him because he was so in shock that he just hit his son’s head on the ceiling.  Insert one (1) bokuto koutarou suddenly regretting every life decision that he has ever made.  

Surprisingly, he’s a really good parent?  He understands the balance between being caring and supportive, but also having a firm hand on discipline.  He isn’t much for punishments, because he’s going to feel bad, but he won’t hesitate to sit his son down and have a talk if he needs to.  

God Bokuto is such a good dad please i’m so soft i just know that he would sob his eyes out the minute the baby is on its way

Daishou Suguru

please i don’t even want children, but i would make an exception for daishou suguru

Suguru is so?? stupidly?? prepared?? 

Like the two of you decided that you wanted to have a baby and this man went to the bookstore and asked one of the workers which pregnancy books were the best.  The poor high school student had no idea

He took notes and was just constantly studying up on things.  You’d think he was back in university again with how much he poured himself over these books.  

While Daishou may have all of the technical stuff down like knowing the exact female reproductive anatomy and how it all works to produce the baby and he can definitely change a diaper with his eyes closed by now, but-

When the time came to put together a nursery- oh the boy was lost.  He had no idea what to do.  He’d never built a crib before.  He wasn’t really sure why he was expecting it to just unfold or magically form together when he took it out of the box, but now he was just sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by bits and pieces of a baby crib, pouring over the instructions, only to get more confused.

Please go sit with him in his time of need.  He’ll rest his head on your shoulder and rub tiny circles over your bump.  

Suguru probably jumped a foot in the air when he felt that itty bitty kick against his hand.  It took him by complete surprise and his eyes were as wide as saucers, but this really slow smile took over his face and you don’t think you had ever seen him so happy, a complete smiling and laughing mess.

He takes the best care of you b y e 

Morning sickness?  He’s right there to pull your hair away from your face and get you a glass of water.  

Too bad he spent all this time looking up information on the actual pregnancy and had no idea what to expect for actual childbirth.  Overnight bag?  He said, “How long does this take?”  He had no idea what to do during delivery.  His dumbass just stood there until you demanded that he give you his hand and definitely screamed when you nearly crushed his bones in an absolute death grip, nails digging painfully into the back of his hand, but who was he to object.  He wasn’t the one pushing a child out of his body.

Oh, did I say child?  Try children.  Suguru nearly fainted when the nurse said that there was “one more.”  He didn’t remember seeing a second little peanut on the ultrasound, but maybe he just forgot in the overwhelming panic of the moment?

He was so good all throughout the pregnancy, but the minute the kids are born?  It’s like he completely forgot everything that he read over the past nine months, but the softness in his eyes and the gentle smile on his lips the very first time he got to hold his kid?  It made it all worth it.  He didn’t know that it was possible to love someone so quickly, but he looked at the faces of his newborn children and he couldn’t have been happier.

Daishou has fallen asleep in the nursery chair more than once when he was up with the babies.  You’d get up to see what was taking so long, only to find him leaned back, his head lolled to the side, two tiny bundles held securely to his chest.

In conclusion.  I love daishou suguru and he would be a really good dad once he figured it all out

{Taglist: @moncymonce​ @nicka-nell​ @celosiiaa​ @kuronekomama​ @lovinnoya​ and @nekxrizawa​ @boosyboo9206​ bc you both got me thinking about them as d a d s and now i can’t get it out of my head onyx please take this as a bribe to receive the daishou suguru hip dermal edit you made i need it}

[orionares]

BTHB: Handcuffed

Psych

@badthingshappenbingo

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the name of the father, my Colt 1911 and the universal hatred of hippies, I will not strangle Spencer with these cuffs….

"Psst...Lassie?"

We will get rescued and then he'll go back to San Francisco with O'Hara….

"Lassito? Can you scratch my back?"

And I will get a reward from the Mayor for self-control…

"Laaaaaasssie, please? Can't reach it- Hey! Do you ever use your cane as a back scratcher?"

"SPENCER!" Lassiter hisses loud enough for the bearded well, hippie guarding the arid decrepit living room to hear. The Police Chief scowls at the blank eyes of the guard and waits for the man to turn back to whatever the hell he'd been doing.

What fresh hell is this- he had told O'Hara that a fishing trip alone with Shawn wasn't going to end well. But then Marlowe had joined with O'Hara's puppy dog eyes and-

"What?" Shawn replies with the irritating casualness one isn't supposed to have while handcuffed back to back.

And also after being kidnapped.

Lassiter lowers his voice down to a loud whisper, "What did I tell you?"

"When Ron and his friends took us from the boat?"

Of course Spencer would figure out their captors name.

"How in God's name do you know that..man's name?" Lassiter asks, already prepared for the idiotic performance sure to follow. In the briefest of moments, Lassiter's heart lifts at the delay in response from Shawn and the beautiful possibility of a semi-mature response.

"'Cause I'm psychic."

Idiot.

Ron lumbers over from his near hour long guard at the door and sneers heavily, "You two needa shut up."

"Kidnapping a Police Chief and a civilian-"

"Psychic," Shawn interrupts because, of course.

Lassiter rolls his eyes and continues glaring at Ron. "Is making things worse. And a hippie like you, destroying this-"

Shawn wiggles in his spot and somehow manages not to irritate Lassiter's injured arm. He dramatically tsks and states," Look, Ron, my good man, as we had tried to tell you while we were on our boat before you swooped in and took us, we are just two men doing manly fishing ...manly...ly."

Lassiter sighs and quickly weighs the pros and cons of persuading Ron to duct tape Shawn's mouth shut. No, they were two men , forced by a pregnant detective and her puppy eyes to "bond".

"Wai, you's kinda young to be a puh-lees chief," Ron says, cocking his head to the right like a German Shepard. Normally, Carlton Lassiter would tear into Ron head to toe for well, everything, but it's the man's current attention that leaves Lassiter well, speechless.

Attention directed solely on Shawn.

Shawn chuckles, not even attempting to stifle down his delight at Ron's comment. "As much as I am delighted at the compliment, alas, I am not the Police Chief in this dynamic duo. No, I am Shawn Spencer, Master and commander of Psychfransico in beautiful San Francisco. This silver haired fox is my idol and Police Chief of Santa Barbara, Carlton Lassiter. "

Ron naively scoffs at Lassiter and chuckles, "You 'ain't a Police Chief. You look like his Daddy."

The squeal of delight from Spencer- is it possible to double the mortification he's already drowning in?

"Stooop," Shawn replies with giddy shyness. "I'd shake your hand , good man, if I could. Speaking of hands, I know you and your merry man of kidnappers-"

"Ya'll went on our land and we can't have that," Ron counters.

Lassiter blinks out of his daze of mortification and snorts at the happy conversing between Ron and Shawn.

How cute.

"Can you two stop sharing your feelings and get back to the fact that you and your little pals kidnapped a Police Chief-"

"And psychic!"

"Spencer, I swear to God-"

"What? Accuracy is important!"

"STOP!!" Ron bellows before staggering back to the counter. The over dramatic fall is one of the many reasons he had taken Lilly to a small gathering of hippies banging drums and reviewed in great details the detrimental behaviors of tree huggers.

A great activity for a four year old, despite Marlowe's eye roll.

"Are you really a Police Chief?" Ron blubbers. Lassiter groans and opens his mouth for another smarmy comment. Unfortunately, the motormouth champion of the West Coast beats him to it.

"He is. One of the best in the west. Just like I am and my psychic skill. Just how I predict that you make that right move and let me and the man who sleeps with two pistols in his bedside go."

It's three- one in the dresser, one under the pillow and one in the ejection slot on the bed frame, Lassiter thinks before the non- irritable side of him sparks a thoughtful observation.

Has Spencer been giving me compliments this whole time?

Ron opens his mouth and gawks momentarily at Lassiter before clumsily turning and lumbering out the door. Shawn sighs louder than necessary and then comments, "He seems nice."

"Do you two want a room to braid each other's hair," Lassiter growls with increasing volume," AND MAKE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS?"

"Gus and I did that last week," Shawn replies calmly," the friendship bracelets, I mean." He leans towards the wall, humming softly, before pressing a small sharp object against Lassiter's wrist. "I was going to just cut us free instead."

Lassiter Scrunches his nose and imagines his Lilly and his Marlowe smiling back at him and how he'd miss them dearly if he would be arrested for strangling Spencer. "You had a sharp object this entire time?"

"No. I found it but didn't want to use it with our main man Ron in the room,” Shawn states. Lassiter can feel Shawn’s hands fidgeting with the handcuffs. The Police Chief lets out a frustrated humph as Shawn continues to work before the glorious sound of a click from the handcuffs.

“Lassie, can I ask you a question?”

"No."

"No, seriously."

He'd bang his head against the wall if he could. Lassiter inhales and exhales slowly, knowing full well that Spencer could and would keep this game up if he wanted to. "Fine," he says slowly, "What?"

"How do you be a good father?"

Oh.

Oh.

The pain in the ass, the bane of his existence, the-

The handcuffs click and the cold metal around Lassiter's wrist drop to the ground. "Hold on," Shawn mutters as he continues to fidget with his own cuffs until they also drop to the ground. Shawn turns around and repeats his earlier question, "So yeah, how do you be a good father?"

Turning on the floor to face Shawn would take an awkward, frustrating set of movements so Lassiter stays back to back with Shawn. "Is that why you asked me to go fishing?"

Shawn grunts as he rolls onto his hands and then pushes himself up onto his knees. He shrugs and admits, “Me and my dad aren’t- well, we butt heads. With Jules being eight months pregnant, she figured out that I wanted to talk to you but-”

“Spencer, “ Lassiter hisses, softening his expression at the look in Shawn’s eyes. Is that puppy eyes? “How about this? We get out of here, I shoot some hippies and then I’ll give you six minutes.. and forty five seconds to ask me questions about fatherhood.”

Just as his daughter, Shawn perks up and grins as if just being told about a trip to the ice cream store. He stands and helps lift Lassiter to his feet. “There are six doors- two on the left and four on the right. We went down two flights of stairs with eight steps on each,” Shawn rambles, “and….when we were blindfolded in the back of the jeep, we took three left turns and a right turn from the boat.”

In normal times, especially back in the days when Shawn and Gus were causing chaos in Santa Barbara, Carlton Lassiter would scowl and walk away from the idiotic smile on Shawn’s face with Juliet on his heels. Right now, as he’s aggravated for being kidnapped, hungry and really wishing Marlowe hadn’t talked him into taking one pistol with him instead of his usual three, there is a small part of him that he will never outwardly admit that is a bit impressed and proud of Spencer.

A very, very small part of him. A minute size part of him.

“Ready?” Shawn asks as he pulls Lassiter’s uninjured arm over his shoulder for support.

Lassiter nods, thinking- Ready.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Escaping comes way too easy.

Lassiter isn’t the least surprised to find only two of the six men that had surrounded them on the boat sitting in the room at the top of the stairs. He really isn’t surprised when Shawn manages to sow doubt in Ron’s mind long enough to give Lassiter the chance to grab the closest item and whip it across the room and clock the second man in the back of the head.

After calling for assistance, arresting Ron and his unconscious friend and threatening the two arriving SBPD officers with hell if they even think about saying a word, Lassiter stands in front of a police vehicle, watching Shawn talk animatedly to Juliet O’Hara on the phone. The same small part of him that was impressed by Shawn triggers a faint smile on the Police Chief’s face.

“I’ll be home soon. Yep…..tell Gus that he can breathe…..I love you too….kiss the belly for me. Ok, bye!” Shawn exclaims happily. He pockets his phone and tries to calmly cross the lot to Lassiter. Lassiter can feel the excited energy bouncing off the younger man as he asks quietly, “So…..how can I be a good father to my little girl? Like you are?”

Good lord. Lassiter sighs and replies, “You’ll be fine, Spencer, but ask any question you want.”

“For six minutes and forty five seconds?”

He’ll regret this dearly. “I will open it up to ten minutes-” he holds up a hand as Shawn’s eyes widen with excitement, “-don’t make me regret this.”

[googledocsdyke]

i have not seen any episodes of spn past season 10. but i am asking u because i trust ur opinion. should i watch the other 5? or is it not worth it?

oh ABSOLUTELY watch the other 5. you'll get some big hits and some big misses. my opinion on ~dabb era~ as a cohesive concept changes every time the wind blows but (and i was yelled at on discord for this) season 12 is one of my singular favourite seasons of supernatural. some general pros of seasons 11-15:

- genuinely post-carver supernatural just feels like it's less afraid to have fun. like you get yockey and perez who specialise in writing an all-caps WHAT IF... on the top of a whiteboard and just fucking slamming the gas from there. but like WITH the reading. the 3-episode season 12 yockey hat trick is like. BING BANG BOOM. angel gender! cas backstory! hunter funerals that aren't lonely devastated burnings but a big crowded house full of drinking games and collective community lore! THEE banes twins! other one-episode wonders include the chitters, scoobynatural, baby, regarding dean, tombstone, ouroboros, mint condition..... late seasons supernatural is at its best when it says fuck the very tiresome molasses mytharc and let's be insane and do a Concept. and it WORKS. like the finales mostly drag but many individual episodes are so good that i could live there

- you get claire's coherent arc!! miss newton killed it in 10x09 and 10x10 and 10x20 but a lot of it is claire having like. the worst fucking life of all time and being prickles and thorns and too much anger behind too small of a gun. her relationship w jody is SO good and aching and the wayward sisters setup is super fun even if. yknow. they didn't follow through

- BILLIE is truly one of the best chars they've ever done though they did her dirty at the end. like she haaaates the winchesters but rather than being some deep seething hyper-personal resentment she has a fascinating relationship to like. the desire to generally bring order to the universe — not imposed power, but just like the natural cycle of being in the world. in a way she's not so much working against the winchesters as she is the like very existence of the entire show — what dies Should stay dead and what is clearly dying Should be put out of its misery and YET the show rolls on. like it's deliciously uncomfortable every time she's on the screen because she's RIGHT! the only reasons the winchesters "should" survive another day is like.... they want to. her style her flair her lines her philosophy her position as Librarian mwah!

- rowena as well. god. milfnatural REALLY goes crazy in the later seasons i don't know what to say she's so good. the FLAIR the drama the royal court shakespeare production of it ALL

- MARY PLOTLINE HIIIIII. WOW. Well. if i think about mary for too long my brain does microwave noises but like the fact that they Literally resurrect the ghost of an inciting incident, the mother-as-plot device who does not speak, never the mourner eternally mourned???? And they stick her into the living world????? And she takes off that stupid nightgown???? big qualms w mary in lebanon and lack of john followthrough BUT LIKE. and her relationship with dean like she cannot meet his eyes. she cannot meet his eyes. multiple dean mary scenes that i cannot physically watch it's like a live wire MMM DELICIOUS

- JACK. SO important to understanding cas' arc. he is gay and he is a dad and he is a dad ON PURPOSE w such sweetness and sincerity and presence like i will become so fiercely father-shaped it's just quite excellent like the dude queers fatherhood. i am of split minds of how they did the dean jack relationship bc at the risk of over-spoiling it i think it's all setup and no followthrough/denouement/proper resolution. and like this is a general problem w supernatural in general that doesn't go away in late seasons you can see the moving parts of something great and then they kind of shrink back and explain it away in the vaguest way possible. But still. jack amazing mesmerising so much potential much of it realised it IS ABOUT father and sons

- you get to see dean and cas build up to 15.18. which is just, like, delicious and SO rewarding. season 12 almost-get together! widower arc! divorce arc! tenuous quasi-parenting debates! all building to I Love Every Body Be Cause I Love You

basically like much of supernatural, it has a lot of truly delicious moving parts with a lacklustre mytharc and some truly egregious writing decisions thrown in. it's not coherent in a way that supernatural has never been and arguably gets worse. BUT it has some of my personal favourite characters and writers of all time and if you want to see any of the above it's like. entirely worth it. and there is something delightful if disturbing in watching a show go on for so long that it parodies itself and references itself and eats itself whole. it is so often so much FUN let's hear it for cwification

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,835 Words

Summary: Off to a chaotic start, I see. Bakugou gets dared to start a 1-A group chat. The beginnings, Shinsou gains a father figure, and the bakusquad is chaotic.

Warnings: Dead Body Mention, Death Mention, Cursing, Anxiety Attack Mention, Caps, Mental Breakdown Mention, Fire Mention, Choking Mention, Injury Mention, Murder Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Notes: Shigaraki's alias in the group chat is Ren and Dabi's alias is Haruhi. ¥11,055 is about $100 and ¥110,550 is about $1,000 on the day I wrote this.

Usernames: Area 51   Ashido: aggressive chicken dance, Kaminari: pikachoo, Kirishima: ordained, Jirou: neko neko kneecaps, Sero: wine and cheerios, Bakugou: mother i crave violence, Shinsou: its a mental breakdown

Usernames: Emo Sanctuary  Jirou: tell tale heart, Tokoyami: eldritch peep, Todoroki: i love you 3000, Bakugou: knife tag, Midoriya: bitchasaurus, Shinsou: unhappy meal, Kuroiro: meth and deadamine, Shigaraki: depresso extra shot, Dabi: *sad kazoo*

Into The Group Chat We Go: Chapter 1

1:45 AM

Emo Sanctuary

i love you 3000: I require attention.

unhappy meal: is that so?

i love you 3000: Yes, it is, otherwise I wouldn't have said it.

unhappy meal: @bitchasaurus, your man is sad.

bitchasaurus: He's not my man, Shinsou. Pretty sure he's no one's man, actually. And it's not like I'd have time for a relationship anyway.

i love you 3000: True. I'm not in a relationship.

unhappy meal: regardless, get your friend. the man wants attention.

bitchasaurus and i love you 3000 are now offline

*sad kazoo*: I dare someone to start a group chat with 1a and say something weird.

knife tag: Would I get paid for this?

*sad kazoo*: I'll give you anywhere from 11,05 yen to 110,550 yen.

knife tag: Deal.

2:00 AM

Bakugou has started a group chat

Bakugou has added Hanta, Mina, Eijiro, Denki, and 15 others to the chat

Bakugou has renamed the group chat to Area 51

Bakugou: His body is ready to be taxidermied. It's what Shinsou would've wanted.

Sero: What the fucketh?

Aoyama: Quoi?

Midoriya is now online

Midoriya: You didn't add Shinsou, you ass.

Bakugou: Oops, fuck.

Bakugou has added Shinsou to Area 51

Shinsou: hi I guess.

Aoyama: So your corpse is not being stuffed by Bakugou at the moment?

Shinsou: I mean, he can always taxidermy me while I'm alive. it's not like I'd stop him.

Midoriya: He's not. Kacchan was dared with cash to start this group chat and say something weird. Goodnight, filthy heathens.

Midoriya is now offline

Ojiro: Wow, Midoriya isn't messing around.

Aoyama: I feel ✨insulted✨ being called a filthy heathen.

Ojiro: I mean, it is an insult, Aoyama.

Aoyama: Yes, Ojiro, I understood that.

Sero: Why on earth are you two awake?

Ojiro: Because I can't sleep?

Aoyama: I got hungry.

Sero: Well, go to bed.

2:15 AM

Emo Sanctuary

knife tag: It's done.

knife tag: chatscreenshot.jpg

*sad kazoo* has sent a money transfer to knife tag

*sad kazoo*: Your money's pending to whatever card is attached to your number.

knife tag: moneytransferscreenshot.jpg

eldritch peep: wow, you really sent him 11,055 yen?

knife tag: This man's out here fueling my savings since UA instituted the no job rule since the dorms went into effect.

unhappy meal: they instituted a no job rule!? that's why I got that paper!? I thought that was a joke!

*sad kazoo*: Better put in a two weeks, kid.

unhappy meal: I literally can't. if I don't work, I don't have a way of feeding myself!

*sad kazoo*: Can't you ask your parents to send you food money, Toshi?

unhappy meal: okay, Haruhi, I know you weren't here when we started this chat with just me, Katsuki, Shouto, and Izuku so you don't know but I literally don't have parents, man. I lived in an orphanage until the beginning of the school year and, after I got in, I began renting an apartment near the school so I could attend. which means I'll lose my apartment where my cat and dog stay and it has all my stuff in it too.

tell tale heart: He's having an anxiety attack, someone go get him. I don't know where his room is.

meth and deadamine: I'll check on him.

knife tag: On my way.

eldritch peep: I'm coming, hold on.

*sad kazoo*: I've finally become a father at 28. I knew this shit would happen eventually.

*sad kazoo* has sent a money transfer to unhappy meal

*sad kazoo*: That's your monthly allowance. Do whatever you want, kid.

unhappy meal: I'm gonna cry.

unhappy meal: moneytransferscreenshot.jpg

meth and deadmine: You got 110,550 yen!? Haruhi out here paying kids to exist.

*sad kazoo*: That sounds weird, don't say that. I'm here because I'm Ren's best friend and Ren is Izuku's brother. I've effectively adopted both Katsuki and Hitoshi, I'm not sending random kids money for no reason, they're my sons.

eldritch peep: Ignore him, Kuroiro likes making things sound weird. How does it feel to be a father, Haruhi?

*sad kazoo*: Fatherhood? Guess that means I need to shape up and be a dad, huh?

eldritch peep: Step the fuck up, Haruhi.

*sad kazoo*:  I am, I am. Toshi, kid, don't cry or whatever, everything's gonna be fine.

unhappy meal: thanks, dad.

*sad kazoo*: My heart hurts. Why does it hurt? What the fuck is this feeling?

knife tag: It's called pride. It's because you're happy.

*sad kazoo*: This child is mine now, I'm going to find a way to legally adopt you.

unhappy meal: that would actually be really cool if you did.

*sad kazoo*: Looks like I'm re-evaluating my life tonight so I can make it hospitable for a son. I'm gonna go see if I can figure out how to fix some shit. Night, kids.

knife tag: hitoshicryingabouthavingadadnow.vid

Transcript Begin

"Hito, it's okay." -eldritch peep

"I have a dad now, Fumi." -unhappy meal

"We know, Shinsou." -meth and deadamine

"I have a dad." -unhappy meal

"Time to sleep, Toshi." -knife tag

"Okay. Time to sleep." -unhappy meal

Transcript End

*sad kazoo*: I love my son. Take care of him.

8:25 AM

Area 51

Ashido: ALERT- MY ALARMS DIDN'T GO OFF, PLEASE STALL AIZAWA FOR ABOUT TEN MINUTES

this message has been marked as an emergency

Shinsou: On it.

8:40 AM

Area 51

Ashido: What'd you do to distract him, Shinsou?

Shinsou: Oh, gave myself an anxiety attack.

Ashido: SHINSOU!

Shinsou: It was an emergency! You'd be in detention right now if I hadn't. plus I had one last night too so it wasn't hard to do.

Ashido: Shinsou, don't ever do that for me again but thank you. You're getting big bakusquad hugs at lunch.

Shinsou: It's not like it was difficult. I got lots to break down about.

Ashido: Me too, bitch.

4:00 PM

Area 51

Shinsou has changed their name to its a mental breakdown

Ashido: Oh my god, Shinsou.

its a mental breakdown: I figured while I'm at it.

Ashido: Speaking of at it.

Ashido has changed Kaminari's name to pikachoo

Ashido has changed Jirou's name to neko neko kneecaps

Ashido has changed Sero's name to wine and cheerios

Ashido has changed Bakugou's name to mother i crave violence

Ashido has changed their name to aggressive chicken dance

Kirishima: Could you not think of one for me?

aggressive chicken dance: More like can't decide.

Kirishima has changed their name to ordained

pikachoo: You're ordained, Kiri?

ordained: Yeah. I got ordained for my moms' wedding in a few months.

pikachoo: So cool, dude.

ordained: Oh, Shinsou, dude, you said you had an anxiety attack last night, you good, man?

its a mental breakdown: one sec.

4:05 PM

Emo Sanctuary

unhappy meal: can I talk about it, Zuku?

bitchasaurus: Yeah, why not? Because it involves Ren? It's not a big deal, Hitoshi!

unhappy meal: just making sure, some people don't like their personal lives talked about by other people.

bitchasaurus: I don't mind, Hitoshi.

4:09 PM

Area 51

its a mental breakdown: alright. so we had a chat from right after the sports festival with just me, Midoriya, Bakugou, and Todoroki which became an emo chatroom when we added Tokoyami, Jirou, and Kuroiro.

its a mental breakdown: And then Midoriya got in contact with his older brother, Ren and added him and Ren's best friend Haruhi to the chat because he wanted to show off Ren but Ren didn't feel comfortable talking without Haruhi lurking in the chat.

its a mental breakdown: you guys probably don't know but I was an orphan from a really really young age because my parents died when I was young and my other family members didn't want me. and at the beginning of this year, when I got into UA, I moved out of the orphanage, got an apartment close to campus and all, I'd had a job for two years prior.

its a mental breakdown: and last night, Haruhi gave Bakugou 11,055 yen as a dare to start this chat. then Bakugou and Haruhi were talking about the no-job rule because of the dorms and I'd thought it was a joke when I got the paper so I didn't have anything saved up and I don't exactly have parents I can ask for money if I need to buy food and I'm definitely not asking my friends and bothering them.

its a mental breakdown: I mean, I have enough I could coast for a month or two without pay but I feel like Aizawa would kill me for not eating right.

its a mental breakdown: anyway, I had my anxiety attack, Haruhi sent me money, Kuroiro made a sentence creepy like always, and Haruhi called me and Bakugou his sons. him, Jirou and Tokoyami joked about him being a dad for a bit and then he actually told me when I went back online that he wanted to legally adopt me.

mother i crave violence: Thus why I didn't wake up Pinky this morning. I was busy in the Gen Ed dorms with my new brother.

its a mental breakdown: I will have another breakdown, don't tempt me.

ordained: Shinsou, man, that's so awesome! You have a dad! We should have a party for Shinsou getting a dad!

its a mental breakdown: if it makes you guys happy then go for it but if you go crazy with the party again. we already had the incident on my birthday, we're not having another.

Asui: What incident, kero?

its a mental breakdown: Kirishima's hair got set on fire at some point, Sero got tangled onto the railing of my balcony and was hanging from my fifth floor apartment's balcony railing, Mina choked on a piece of burnt tofu, Kaminari slipped in the bathroom and fell into the full bathtub where he then electrocuted himself, Bakugou got his face shoved into the cake and sat in the corner pouting while my cat Ume and dog Anzu tried to eat the cake off his face for the rest of the night, Jirou got lost inside my apartment building, and I hit my head on the counter and had a concussion for a week.

Hagakure: Why is your friend group so chaotic?

mother i crave violence: I like to think I've cultivated a well-functioning group of chaotic demons. At least if one of us is doing something dumb, usually the rest will either follow or do something dumb of their own.

neko neko kneecaps: I'd like to plead innocent as well as shift majority blame to Midoriya's friend group because I just know those idiots could and would collectively kill and hide a body and nobody would ever know it was them.

Midoriya: Bold of you to assume we haven't already.

neko neko kneecaps: Yeah, hi, mom, pick me up, I'm afraid of Midoriya again.

Midoriya: You can run, Jirou, but you can't hide.

neko neko kneecaps: You can't kill me, Bakugou would be sad!

Midoriya: You may live...for now.

neko neko kneecaps: Oh, thank the gods.

Taglist: @lgbtforeverything @rin-tanaka

[spurgie-cousin]

How do you nicely ask someone to stop reducing the point of your existence to becoming essentially a human incubator (hold on I have a reason for calling pregnancy that)? My bf and I have friends much younger than us (by 5-7 years) that recently had a baby and every time we see them as part of our covid bubble, I’m told by the mom that I need to have one, I need to get pregnant, I have to get pregnant next, look how much my bf wants a baby, look at how much he loves their, look how good he is with kids I need to give him one asap, and my personal least favorite but the one that’s come up a few times recently: I’m depriving him of fatherhood. Hence where my “human incubator” feelings come from because I’m not at a point in my life where I’m ready to have a kid and be fully confident that I/we can take care of kid(s) and ourselves. I want to study abroad and finish college, and currently I barely have a license let alone my own car and own place to live and steady job and insurance. My own personal feelings are that me bringing a kid into the world right now would be hella irresponsible of me. But I’m beginning to believe that she’s of the mindset that if you can be a mom you should be a mom and it’s never too early to be a mom, no excuses, they did it at this young age so the two of us in our mid-late 20s should have no problems pulling it off. Our situations would be completely different from theirs though, I already know that (I can explain that in a different ask so I don’t make this longer than it already is) but I feel like there’s no way for me to get the reasons across to them without sounding like a total bitch sounding like I’d be saying “you had it easy”

I feel incredibly fortunate that my bf is on my side with feeling unready right now but maybe ready like 5 years from now when we have everything figured out, he’s in no hurry to be a dad but mom friend would make you think otherwise. He even said today “every time you ask us when we’re having a kid is another 6 months we don’t have one” and mom friend was like “that’s bullshit that’s not you talking you’d never say that, that’s all Anon! 😏” ok yes, I said that to bf just on Friday night but I never told him to say it today so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

She actually told me/us today that she was getting annoyed that I kept saying I’m not going to have a kid yet. My answer has been “no” ever since she first got pregnant, idk if she thinks that one day I’m finally going to say yes? If she thinks she can just wear me down? But the only thing wearing down is my patience. Saying “no”/“I’m not ready” clearly isn’t a good enough answer anymore even though that should’ve been more than enough. Bf said to just ignore her completely when she brings it up but she’ll continue to ask until I give her the same answer I always do and then comes the comments about I need to give my bf a baby. I can script it at this point and I feel ready to snap but at the same time I’m not a confrontational person and being bitchy to a new mom doesn’t sound like it’ll be good for me in the long run, even if my reasons for snapping are/were justified.

Since bf only told me to ignore her and my mom really had no advice, just listened to me vent, idk what I should do. Stop answering her like bf says and hope she just stops asking because I’m no longer giving her a reaction? Ask him to back me up next time she brings it up since she thinks he’s so deprived and maybe apparently his input as future father means more than my input and feelings as the one who would actually be the pregnant one? Lay it all out on the table why I’m not ready to have a kid and why my experiences would differ from hers and if she takes offense just shrug and say “you asked, there’s my answer next time don’t ask me something if you may not be ready to hear what the answer may be”?

I’m sorry this turned into such a long ask but since fundies like to pop babies out all the time and think it’s woman’s god-given duty to do so no matter what, I figured maybe fundieblr would be the best place to drop this

Ohhhhhh anon, if I could say this in person I’d give you a big glass of wine, bake you something, and tell you the following:

You can’t politely tell someone to stay out of your reproductive life. The *only* other person who matters when it comes to having babies is the person you’re having the baby with. Absolutely nobody else has the right to influence you in any way.

If there are people who are either pressuring you or just making you feel uncomfortable about the fact that you’re not immediately pregnant, you need to put a boundary there. I’ve had to do this with some members of my family and it’s intimidating but it’s better than me having one too many eggnogs at Christmas and telling them all to f**k off forever.

No but seriously, you need to address this with anyone who is making you feel uncomfortable in this way. It’s not ok for them to do that and you shouldn’t have to feel like shit when you’re around these people. In my experience doing this, people don’t realize how abrasive they’re being and usually will agree to calm down and at least try to recognize your point of view. If they don’t, it is then unfortunately up to you to decide if you want to continue to entertain those assholes or not. 

TLDR; You don’t need to take any baby-making advice from anyone except yourself the one you might make the baby with. Put up solid boundaries between you and anyone else who feels like they have a say in your reproductive life.

[elykyle07]

GOD ODYSSEUS GODLY WEAPONS

Hello again! I return with more content on the God Ody au! (Check the #God Odysseus au! Hashtag For more info on that!)

Last time I introduced the man/god himself and his design and today we are gonna talk about his arsenal aka his godly weapon! You know how gods have those, Zeus’ thunderbolt Poseidon’s trident so i figured lets give Ody one!

Now obviously Odysseus is an excellent archer with that being his most iconic weapon but bow and arrows do somewhat overlap with Artemis so i figured focus more on the arrows and quiver being the godly aspects than the bow itself so here it is!

Here is the text on the images in case you can’t read it

Wolf arrows

Godly arrows made of olive wood and the essence of wolves (fur, blood etc.)

When fired the arrows transform into wolves hunting down their target following the directive implanted in them by their archer, but will always default to the command of Odysseus.

Odysseus can bathe the arrows in the blood of fallen heroes (mainly parents) and they can be reborn as one of his arrow wolves.

The bow of Odysseus

The palintonos bow Odysseus carried as king he continues to wield in his divinity with new adjustments he has made over the years such as a carving of a wolves head howling at the moon and a sharp metal spike at the bottom for close combat.

Over the years he has carved many more of these bows to bestow upon those he favours including a bow for each of his children when the prove themselves strong enough to wield it. until they prove themselves strong enough to wield the palintonos bow they train with the standard training bows within Odysseus’ armoury of bows, filled with bows he has collected over the years from travels and offerings, as well as the many bows he has carved himself.

The quiver of Argos

Once just a normal quiver Odysseus wielded in battle but when he faced a tough foe seemingly unbeatable the spirit of argos his loyal hound escaped from hades having bested Cerbarus to aid Odysseus in battle, now Argos’ soul is bound to Odysseus! Quiver even taking on a shape similar to argos, with this physical object tethering argos’ soul to the physical realm argos now assists Odysseus fetching his fired arrows, even after death he is still playing fetch with his master, truly mans best friend.

Argos rested in hades for many years after passing on, eventually joining penelope when her time came as well and when argos learned of Odysseus’ new found godhood he was delighted in knowing his master would be able to help so many people now but when he saw his master in trouble against a strong foe in a battle that waged weeks he knew he had to do something, so argos went to cerbarus the guard dog of hades to ask for entry to the living world, when Cerbarus refused reiterating the orders given to him by his own master they fought with argos leaving defeated, coming back time and time again to no avail, but when argos came across hermes and explained his situation to the messenger god, hermes feeling bad for argos(and wishing to cause mischief for his uncle) blessed argos with holy moly, now empowered argos fought Cerbarus a final time coming out victorious! Argos then bolted across the mortal plane and helped odysseus slay his foe!

Argos is the pack leader of the arrow wolves (the wolves that form after being shot as arrows) if Odysseus or the archer isn’t around its argos’ orders the wolves will follow as argos leads them back to Odysseus.

So yeah that God Ody’s godly weapon(s)

[my-arlington-academia]

The Sweet Elite characters as tarot cards

Ooooookay! This is something I wanted to do for a while now (totally not because I'm a huge persona nerd) but yeah, my understanding of tarot cards is really basic and limited so don't take this too seriously! I just thought that it would be fun to make.

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Scholar: The Fool/ The Jester/ The Madman (number 0 or XXII but most times without a number)

Obviously, as the main character, Scholar is the one going on a journey. The Fool is often portrayed as wearing ragged clothes and carrying a small bag with their belongings, showing that they're going on an adventure. The card represents freedom, madness, inexperience and chaos.

Here the description is pretty self-explanatory. I think it's easy to see how Scholar fits this card 👌

Alistair: The Sun (number XIX)

Well, another obvious one! The Sun Arcana is often portrayed as a child or children playing in a field of sunflowers under a blazing sun meaning that their innocence will be replaced with knowledge. The card represents optimism in difficult situations, hope, happiness, discovery and accomplishment.

Now we can make the joke that Alistair is literally a ray of sunshine! 😂☀️ (Not that anyone ever doubted it.)

Axel: The Star (number XVII)

I swear I'm not making these puns on purpose! But since Axel is literally a rock *star* the card does fit him...

The star is often portrayed as a woman with one foot on the ground and the other in water (which is apparently a metaphor for the conscious and unconscious mind) and the star shining above is her core essence. The star in itself can allude to a person with great influence, a star shines above it all but is fated to fall one day. Thus, the Star Arcana represents self-confidence, loss, faith and peace.

Claire: The Empress (number III)

This one may seem weird but when I looked more into it, I realized that The Empress Arcana fits Claire a lot!

The Empress is often associated with the goddess Venus in Roman mythology (and Aphrodite in Greek mythology.) The Empress is seated on a throne in a field meaning that she looks after nature, she also wears a crown meaning that she's the one ruling over nature, not only growing it. The Empress Arcana represents motherhood, romance, life and fruitfulness.

Basically, Claire is like a mom rather than a cold-blooded queen. She just looks after the people around her and that's why the Empress fits her.

Ellie: Fortune/ Wheel of Fortune (number X)

Okay, this one was hard to choose. Believe it or not but at first I gave Ellie the Death Arcana. Though it doesn't mean literal Death but rather starting anew I kinda didn't want to give that card to her since her biological parents are dead... thus I went with the Fortune Arcana instead which is surprisingly similar to the Death one but much more light-hearted!

The Fortune Arcana is portrayed as... Well, a Wheel of Fortune. The card represents opportunity, fate, luck and success.

The reason why I chose this card for Ellie is because even though her parents' death was unfortunate, that bad luck brought her good luck too. If her biological parents hadn't died her dads wouldn't have adopted her and from what we've seen so far, she always says that she's really happy with them and that they're great parents. The Fortune Arcana is all about big changes through luck, be it bad or good luck.

In the end, I'm happy that I changed her card to Fortune because while the Death card also means a new start, that new start is achieved through the end of something else. But in the case of the Fortune card, that new start is achieved through a particular event involving good or bad luck. In Ellie's case, I believe it was both.

Karolina: The High Priestess/ The Popess (number II)

This is another odd one, isn't? Karolina sure doesn't look nor sound like a Priestess 😂 But like with Claire I looked more into it and that card does in fact suit her I think.

The Priestess Arcana is most times associated with Pope Joan, a woman who pretended to be a man in order to become the Pope. It is unknown if she really existed but it is said that the church was so ashamed of their "mistake" that they tried to get rid of all records that had Pope Joan in it. Unfortunately, it is said that she was stoned to death because of her "betrayal".

The High Priestess card represents power, passion, wisdom and tenacity.

Karolina is really headstrong and she's the type of person who would be able to do anything to get what she wants. Thus, I believe that the Priestess fits her.

Neha: The Lovers/ The Twins (number VI)

This one took me a while to find but after thinking for a bit I think this card fits Neha after all.

The Lovers card is often portrayed as a naked woman and a naked man standing before eachother. While the card is in most cases seen as a sign of an irreversible relationship, it is said that sometimes the card doesn't even have anything to do with a romantic relationship but rather having to make an important choice which will lead you to two different paths in life. That's why the man and woman in the card are often separated by a crossroad. The two paths can represent the "right" way and the "easy" way, that's why the decision is so hard to make between those two roads.

The Lovers Arcana represents trials to overcome, beauty, failure and love.

I chose this card for Neha because I think that she's the kind of person who has a hard time choosing between her feelings and her logic. Between the right path and the easy path. I may or may not be completely wrong about this one. There's maybe another tarot card that would fit her better but I thought this one really suits her.

Raquel: Justice (number VIII or XI)

This one is easy to see! Raquel was really vocal about her anger and really protective when the whole Nakano scandal happened.

The Justice Arcana is portrayed as a King or a Queen holding a sword and a balance meaning that they will punish whoever breaks the law. The card symbolizes a strict trial of justice. It represents objectivity, rationality, equity and triumph.

Finally a simple one to explain! At first I was considering on giving her the Strength Arcana but I like Justice better for her. It might be a stupid reason but I think that the Justice Arcana sounds cooler than the Strength Arcana 😅

Tadashi: The Emperor (number IV)

I legit wanted to try and give him the Death card somehow to keep up with the trend of "haha, you like bullying Tadashi!!" (Which is not wrong but sshhh!🤫) The Death Arcana just didn't fit him in any way I think. I mean, you could say that when his father was arrested and he broke ties with him it could be seen as a new beginning for him and a big change in his life. However... to apologize for all the time I treated him like shit I decided to give him the Emperor Arcana (which sounds really cool, right?) Also, this card really fits him so I'm happy with how it turned out!

The Emperor is portrayed as... Well, an Emperor (duh) sitting on a throne, he's often associated with Mars, the god of war in Roman mythology. However rather than mindlessly going to war, he's considered to be a guardian who fights for the peace of its people. That's why The Emperor Arcana represents fatherhood, compassion, stability and protection.

But of course, to diss him just a little bit, The Emperor Arcana can also mean that maybe you're trying too hard to look after everything, you have a strong desire to control everything in your life (which is obviously impossible to do) and that mindset may or may not end up with you giving trouble to the people around you.

Yep, it sure sounds like our mister student council president 😂

Tegan: The Hermit (number IX)

Oof, okay. I'm not totally sure how to explain this one but you'll see that this card suits him.

The Hermit card is portrayed as an old man in a dark place or on a cliff carrying a lantern to illuminate his surroundings. The card represents introspection, inner guidance, prudence and wisdom.

Basically, the way I see it is that Tegan is someone who helps others from behind the scenes. He never puts himself on the spotlight however he's a really smart and driven individual. Kind of like a candle in the dark if we want to go into cheesy descriptions 😂 But yeah, he has a great value and he often does his good deeds in the background so he's seen as a support even if his place in the team is really crucial he rarely takes credit for it. (Probably because he does his best to turn the attention away from him 😅)

Tyler: The Moon (number XVIII)

And finally we have Tyler! Oh godddd I love him 😭💗 Anyway, here goes.

The Moon Arcana is portrayed as a wolf and a dog howling at the moon, they symbolize our fears in the conscious and unconscious mind. The card represents inspiration, illusions, fear and creativity.

From that conversation we had with Tyler in chapter 8 I think it's pretty obvious that he has some self-confidence issues. He's scared that he isn't good enough. He's constantly comparing himself to others and doesn't see how amazing he is 😥 But of course there's also the creativity and inspiration part which hints to his talents in the fine arts 👌

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Aaaaand that's a wrap! This actually took me longer than I expected but I'm happy I did it! It makes me feel like I was productive today even though I didn't finish my homework... yet.

[aion-rsa]

Star Trek Discovery Season 4: What to Expect

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Yes, we’re already looking forward to Star Trek: Discovery Season 4. Season 3 saw the show go where no Star Trek has gone before – literally. Flung almost a thousand years into the future after saving all sentient life as we know it, Michael Burnham and her crewmates had to navigate a new and alien reality that bore little resemblance to the one they left behind.

Yet, the decision to send Discovery to the future is possibly the best decision the series has ever made, giving the show a much-needed narrative reset that cut ties to things like Klingon wars and The Original Series legacy characters and sends it off to blaze its own path, unencumbered by the strings of existing canon. But now that Discovery is firmly established in the 32nd century, what can we expect from Star Trek: Discovery‘s upcoming Season 4? We have a few educated guesses…

Michael Burnham Finds Her Feet as Captain

Despite her colorful history as an officer – replete with mutiny, insubordination, and general recklessness – it’s been obvious for a long time that Michael Burnham was destined for the Discovery captain’s chair. The only question was a matter of when. But now that she’s there – what kind of captain will she be?

She could very easily turn out to be one of the Starfleet greats. Despite her flaws, Michael has proven time again that she is smart, capable, and brave. A risk-taker who always comes through in the clutch, she has saved her crew more times than most of us can count and she is a shining example of someone who absolutely believes in the mission of the Federation and the good it can do.

But she’s also often rash and impulsive, and just a few short episodes ago wasn’t even all that certain that she belonged in Starfleet anymore. Granted, many successful male Starfleet captains (cough cough James Kirk cough) are remembered as great precisely because they weren’t huge fans of following the rules, either, so there’s certainly precedent that generally refusing to play things safe is a workable leadership strategy.

Yet, Michael has always found her greatest success as a character when she has an authority figure or structure that is set in opposition to her, so it will be interesting to see how she evolves now that she is the authority she once pushed back against.

What’s Next for Saru?

At the conclusion of “That Hope Is You, Part 2,” Saru took a leave of absence from the Starfleet to go with the young Kelpian refugee Su’Kal back to their home planet of Kaminar. What’s next for him is unclear, but there’s no way Discovery’s planning on writing off this character completely – or losing the talents of actor Doug Jones.

So what’s next for Saru? If he does return to the Discovery, what role can he fulfill now that he’s no longer captain? Does his future lie in the Federation hierarchy somehow, possibly working for Admiral Vance or serving as some sort of ambassador to his people?

A third option could involve Saru taking on an entirely different kind of mission, one that looks a lot like fatherhood of a sort. Ever since his arrival in the 32nd century, Saru has longed to reconnect with his people. Perhaps showing young Su’Kal the stars he’s missed out on all his life is something that might allow him to do just that on a smaller, more intimate scale. (And indulge his dorky dad vibes at the same time.)

Gray Will Return Somehow

During Adira’s trip to the dilithium planet to ferry medicine to Saru and Culber, we learned that the holodeck program on the abandoned Kelpian ship could extrapolate Gray’s consciousness and give him a holographic form. This allowed him to be seen by the other Discovery crew members present, which means that the technology clearly exists which can bring Gray back to life again. Sort of, anyway.

 Because, of course, Gray is technically dead and his consciousness only exists as part of the Tal symbiont inside of Adira, which raises many questions this subplot will eventually have to answer, including how much agency and sentience post-Burn holograms even have to begin with. (Eli the Federation lie detector hologram certainly seems independent enough.)

Culber has promised both Adira and Gray that he will find a way for him to be seen again. But what that will ultimately look like, we don’t yet know. There is precedent for the idea that one part of a Trill’s symbiont memories can live outside it, but does that mean Gray will become a hologram himself permanently? Or can his consciousness be housed in something that has a more physical form?

What’s Book’s Actual Job Now Anyway?

Now that Cleveland Book – and we’re still waiting for the story behind that name, btw – is officially a part of the Discovery crew, it’s time for the series to define his role in this universe beyond his relationship with Michael. Is he technically part of Starfleet now? Is he an officer on Discovery? Does Grudge get a tiny decorated insignia collar? (Please say yes!)

Much of Book’s role in Season 3 was to support Michael in one way or another, whether that meant to literally help introduce her to the new rules of the 32nd century or to provide emotional and tactical help when needed. And don’t get me wrong, Book and Michael have somehow managed to form one of the most functional, normal relationships in Star Trek history. They’re honestly great together. But David Ajala is a tremendously appealing actor and if he’s going to stick around – which I think we’re all in agreement he should – Book needs a meaningful story of his own.

Tilly’s Promotion

Following Michael’s promotion to the Captain’s chair, it certainly looks like Tilly is getting some sort of command-level promotion in Season 4.

Technically she was still an Ensign when serving as Saru’s Acting First Officer, and while she conducted herself admirably during, well, everything, if she’s going to be Michael’s legitimate First Officer – which that last scene would definitely seem to indicate – she deserves to at least become a lieutenant.

Stamets and Michael Will Have to Work Out Their Issues

One of the lingering unresolved plotlines from Season 3 is the massive rift that formed between Paul Stamets and Michael following her decision to physically jettison him from Discovery while it was under Osyraa’s control. To be fair, her choice was completely the correct one, as he was the only one capable of operating the spore drive, and removing him from the equation meant that the Emerald Chain couldn’t just jump back to the Verubin Nebula and all its dilithium.

But, Stamets basically took that decision to mean that Michael was fine with condemning his family to horrific radiation deaths, and that’s going to be a hard thing for him to get over. If you notice, he’s the only person who doesn’t exactly look thrilled at Captain Burnham’s promotion, and we don’t see the two interact again once the ship is reclaimed.

There’s also the question of the spore drive itself. Stamets has tied his own identity – and his worth as part of the Discovery team – pretty tightly to his ability to communicate with the Mycelial network. Now that Book can do the same thing, how will this change things for him?

We’ll Probably See More Episodic Storytelling

Solving the mystery of The Burn and battling the villainous Emerald Chain were both season-long arcs that helped establish Discovery’s place in the future, and allowed Discovery the show to set up the new rules and players of its universe. But now that both those tasks have been accomplished, don’t be surprised if we see a shift toward more episodic storytelling in Season 4.

After all, with a fresh new supply of dilithium to distribute and the entire future to explore, isn’t it time we spent some time seeing what the 32nd century looks like? Some of the most entertaining moments of this season came when Michael and the rest of the Discovery crew found themselves on new planets or adjusting to changed cultures (including their own). Since Discovery purposefully removed itself from all known Star Trek canon, isn’t it time the show got about really establishing some new ones? The revelation that Vulcan and Romulan reunification has indeed happened feels like it should be just the beginning of the surprises this universe has in store for us. What has happened to other species such as Klingons or the Borg? Wouldn’t it be fun to find out?

The Grudge Content We Deserve

One of the few things Discovery fans of all stripes can agree on: Grudge is amazing. And we deserve to see more of her. Whether that means all our initial speculation turns out to be true and she’s actually the secret god of a planet full of telepathic felines we’ve yet to visit or just that she gets her own bridge-safe cat basket so she can hang out with Book and Michael next season, just give the people what they want.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Can we at least find out how she and Book ended up together? Throw me a bone – or I guess a cat treat – here, show. (Truly, if we don’t at least get a Short Treks episode about Grudge what are we even doing here?)

The post Star Trek Discovery Season 4: What to Expect appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[musicnoots]

World’s Best Dad

Bill Guarnere/Reader

Synopsis: You wake up to find your husband putting your baby back to sleep but in a rather strange way.

Tags: @gottapenny @croatianbagudna @higgles123 @dustyjjumpwings @wexhappyxfew @medievalfangirl @bandofmarvels

You woke up in the early hours of the morning to the sound of your two month old baby crying in her nursery for the third time in six hours. When you found out that you were pregnant, you were ecstatic, crying tears of joy into the chest of your husband, but when the time did come for you birth an actual human being into existence, you questioned yourself and your capability of being a mother when you couldn’t even take care of yourself.

When you heard the cries of your baby, you groaned, both tired and irritated from the amount of times you’ve had to come running to feed your daughter in the middle of the night when all you wanted was to sleep. You sat up half awake and before your feet could ever meet the hard wood floor, your husband took your hand and kissed it with his chapped lips.

“Stay here, Mama. I got her.”

You took his word for it and laid back down on the bed, holding a fistful of the blanket as you felt Bill’s shirtless form leave the bed, mumbling something along the lines of Jesus fuck! My fuckin’ toe! when he stumbled and stubbed his toe on your nightstand. You smiled hearing the string of curses escape his lips, your mind imagining your husband trying to soothe your baby in the middle of the night.

Bill was thankful to have you in his life, you were his rock, his star. He was thankful for every moment you spent with him, every date that ended up with a walk to the ice cream parlor down the street, and every time he had to convince your father that he wasn’t a bad man because his nickname was Wild Bill. He thinks you’re too good for him—well, you did birth his child into the world! Not only that, but you’re probably the smartest and most beautiful person he’s ever met. Gorgeous? He’d consider it, but Bill thinks he’s gorgeous. Oh, and you’re sassy. Yeah, he really likes that one. Especially when you threatened to walk up to a federal government building to demand that the army give him full disability. He almost let you do it.

But it’s true that he thinks you’re too good for him. Sometimes he gets too ahead of himself and wonders if you’d be better off without him. With another man. Other times, he just feels bad for making you do all the work, so he tries to do as much as he can, even if it’s out of his reach. If Bill wants to do it, then he’ll do it.

Bill getting up to take care of your crying baby at four in the morning is just another one of those moments. 

“Hey, grumpy pants,” he says to his daughter, picking her up from the crib and plopping down on the rocking chair next to it, trying to shush her back to sleep because of course, saying Shhh repeatedly will always put a crying child back to sleep. “You’ve woken your Ma three times already, and she’s not gettin’ any sleep. When your Ma’s not gettin’ any sleep, she gets upset, and when she’s upset, she don’t wanna have sex with your daddy.” 

To no avail, the little tot keeps crying and Bill tries to rock her to sleep—anything to get her to stop crying. She’s probably hungry, but Bill told you to stay put, so he can take care of the situation himself and let you catch up on some sleep. He’s still new to fatherhood, but he thought he could put his little angel to sleep single-handedly like a pro because good old Gonorrhea is the best at everything. It’s a skill he’s been working on lately.

You hear her cries continue from the other room, so you crawl out of bed to assist your husband but they stop once you reach the hallway and stand in front of the doorframe. You expect to see your husband playing with your daughter and keeping her entertained for the meantime, but what you find is truly out of this world.

“Hey, Mama.” Bill smiles when you enter the nursery, your expression screaming confusion yet being alright with what you saw. “Pretty creative way to put her back to sleep, huh?”

You raise an eyebrow. Creative?

Your husband was literally in the crib with your daughter. Him, an actual adult. He was laying right next to her with a hand on her back while she held his thumb as tight as her little fingers could. It was a beautiful yet strange sight. You loved the sight of seeing your daughter and husband so close together, but you were also wondering how in the world the crib could support the weight of both of them.

“Did you really need get into the crib?”

“Woah, there—“ Bill smirked, “no need to get jealous. There’s plenty of lovin’ in this household from old Gonorrhea. Guess we know who she likes the most.”

You roll your eyes and walk over to the edge of the crib, taking in the entire scene. While Bill wasn’t the most experienced person when it came to caring for little children, let alone babies, he was sure dang good at it. A natural. “See, you’re good at this. She likes you.”

He scoffed. “Yeah. Just for my stomach. She loves sleepin’ on my tummy, tell me—am I really that fat for her to sleep on me in the crib?”

“I meant to ask you that—how and why did you get into the crib? You know you could have, I don’t know, picked her up?”

“Well, I knew she was probably hungry ‘cause she kept slappin’ my nipples, but I didn’t want to drag you from bed because I told you to stay put. And she was grabbin’ for me anyways,” he defended himself, looking down happily at your child. She’s definitely going to be a daddy’s girl. “Look at how beautiful she is, Y/N. Look at her! I probably can’t get up for the next three hours, but look! This is so cute. It’s cute as shit!”

“At least she didn’t try and suck on your nipples.”

“Damn...that would be weird. My nips would be all red and shit. Will you still love me if my nipples were red?”

“Yes, Bill, I will still love you even if your nipples are red. And you know you’re gonna have to give her up because I have to feed her now.”

“What?” Bill was shocked. He didn’t want this moment to end! It may have been four in the morning, but he felt so connected with his kid now. She may have dragged him into the crib for God knows how long, but he feels like an accomplished dad now. “Really? You’re gonna make me give her back?”

“Bill—“

“Over my dead body, Y/N. I like this. She likes this. She loves me! Our kid fuckin’ loves us!”

You laughed at your husband and rested your hand on his shoulder. “I bet she does. You are the world’s best dad, y’know.”

Bill smiles. Not because he realized how hilarious and ridiculous he looks being ten sizes too big for a crib, but because he actually feels like he’s done something right as a father. It was countless weeks of him being unsure of how to care for a mini human that he made, him sitting on the couch and watching you put her to sleep like it was nothing, him rocking her sleep for fifty minutes while also enduring the screeching sound of her cries. He’s never really felt like he’s doing a good job at being a parent. He wanted to get better, wants to be as good at his friends and his parents, wants to make his daughter laugh and smile at his square face.

This was a start, and Bill was willing to work on it some more. However, there was one thing he knew for sure when it came to parenting.

He was pretty damn good at it.

“Yeah,” he says, “I am the world’s best dad.”

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, six times.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Five (35.71% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Nine.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Film Quality:

The pacing is a disaster, the story is weak, and if the style of comedy isn’t to your taste it can be very grating, but the central theme has at least some glimmers of genuine quality.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Gamora passes with Ayesha. Nebula and Gamora conflict. Gamora asks Mantis about her empathic abilities. Gamora passes with Mantis. Gamora and Nebula fight. Gamora confronts Mantis.

Female characters:

Meredith Quill.

Gamora.

Ayesha.

Nebula.

Mantis.

Male characters:

Ego.

Peter Quill.

Drax.

Rocket.

Groot.

Stakar Ogord.

Yondu Udonta.

Taserface.

Kraglin.

OTHER NOTES:

Nice of Ayesha to randomly exposition on the way her people are created, even though it is not relevant to the plot or anything else at all. 

Gold Ben Browder is the highlight of this film. Because it’s Ben Browder. And he’s gold.

The immature escape-from-the-Sovereign-fleet bickering between Quill and Rocket (with chimes in from Drax) while Gamora is the Token Female and Wet Blanket is just...chafing a really tedious cliche. 

Drax hanging out the back of the ship as they’re crashing is one of those things where the characters are so unrealistically indestructible it makes it hard to engage with the idea that they’re ever in real danger. That happens a lot in this movie.

Android prostitutes. Sigh.

Daddy issues. Never seen that done before. Thrilling.

First time I saw this movie I thought it was a weird choice to make the raccoon the main character of the B plot, but to be honest, Rocket is the best of the Guardian characters and front-lining him is one of the better choices of the film.

The whole idea that Quill was able to hold an Infinity Stone because he’s half god really fucks over the whole ‘the Guardians teamed up to withstand the power of the stone together’ thing. Like, nevermind, that whole climactic moment from the first film didn’t mean shit, Quill is a half-god.

Kraglin thinks that Nebula would be the type to buy a pretty necklace or a nice hat and this is just one of those weak, gender-stereotyped jokes that makes me annoyed at the lack of awareness in writing ALIEN CULTURES and also just, like, the basic ability to comprehend character personalities. I complained about this when I reviewed the first Guardians film, but honestly. Whether in throwaway lines or entire plot arcs, these movies are rife with gendered writing, more than any other films in the MCU so far, and that doesn’t make a lick of sense. ALIEN. CULTURES. GUYS. 

He’s playing catch with his dad and MY GOD, glowy god power should not be this trite and boring. 

This script has a bad habit of over-playing its jokes. You gotta know when to stop, y’all.

URRRGGH, the momentum of this movie straight-up dies every time the plot shifts back to Quill and his dull daddy issues. The imbalance between the A and B plots is staggering.

Gamora and Nebula’s conflict and eventual reconciliation is one of those few quality emotional beats in this movie; the recognition that the hate that has been engendered between them comes from the abuse they suffered at Thanos’ hands, and that they are both victims of him, not of one another. It’s a kind of insightfulness that is surprising, considering the cliches and under-developed arcs that populate the rest of the film.

Credit where it’s due for genuinely funny jokes that they don’t overplay: the Mary Poppins gag, Drax’s nipples, the giant Pac-Man.

Yondu deserved a better movie, man. I don’t know why the rest of this story is such a mess when the little slivers it gets right are so spot-on.

So, daddy issues. It’s one of the most overdone cliches in the history of storytelling, typically stemming from a very performative-masculine root (the father as the only/most important role model for his son, specifically in modelling manliness), and/or the old-fashioned patriarchal idea of the son as his father’s heir (and the idea that that makes the relationship between a father and son more profound than any other). Men love to write stories about their daddy issues, despite the fact that they’re rarely interesting or unusual or different to the billion other daddy issues stories that have already been told. As such, the fact that this movie is built around that same-old-same cliche is a fact distinctly to its detriment; that said, it’s also the one well from which it draws any spark of meaningful inspiration. 

The dot points above have already made it clear to which sparks of inspiration I refer; the Daddy Issues threads with Gamora and Nebula and their abusive father Thanos, and Quill’s realisation of the way Yondu ended up filling the fatherhood role in his life. Gamora and Nebula’s Daddy Issues are automatically fresher than the average on account of them not being dudes (Ant-Man had the same thing going for it, though that movie made a much greater strength out of it); that said, the fact that Thanos’ terrible parenting forms the backbone of the two sisters’ conflict and eventual unification is not what makes that slice of the plot work: it’s the sibling bonding, not the Daddy Issues. The sibling bonding is where the fire’s really at (again, enriched by the fact that the characters are female; funny how the under-representation of women (or any group) in media can make even small amounts of representation seem impressive just for existing), but unfortunately, that bond is pared down to the absolute minimum number of scenes possible for functionality as a subplot, and therefore we never really get to enjoy what it offers so much as we kinda point and wave at it as it goes by. Yondu gets a bit more play, both through the character’s own ruminations on his life/personality/relationships while hanging in the B plot with Rocket, and through Quill’s Daddy Issues whining in the A plot to which Yondu’s relevance provides the only saving grace. Still, Yondu’s place in the plot and in Quill’s life only gains narrative weight in the final act, leading to a cathartic denouement for the character, but not for the film itself. The bloated emptiness of the A plot with Ego is something which Yondu’s meaningful sendoff cannot retroactively undo.

I’m...trying to figure out if I have anything nice to say at all regarding Ego and all that he entails, but I’m not coming up with anything. A godlike character who is also kinda-sorta a literal planet should not be so devoid of interesting factors, and yet, here we are. With every overdone boring Daddy Issues cliche in the book, played straight. We’ve got ‘I never knew my father!’ abandonment-resentment! We’ve got father-son bonding (heavy Americana edition)! We’ve got the heir-to-my-empire, follow-in-my-footsteps schtick! If it’s overdone and boring, we’ve got it! The fancy special effects visuals can’t make up for the total absence of compelling plot (the first movie in the franchise also made that mistake, though it at least faked it on the plot front a little better), and the shapelessness of the story on Ego prior to the reveal wreaks havoc on the pacing of the movie; where the B plot has trajectory from the jump, the A plot just kinda wanders around, having nothing new or interesting to do or say, nor even any thoughtful ways to bring itself around to that aforementioned reveal (as with the first film, things just kind of conveniently happen and characters go places and say things at the opportune times; nothing flows naturally from one event to the next, cause and effect style. I am baffled that people think James Gunn knows how to plot).

Speaking of characters going places and saying things, this film also does a very poor job of utilising its cast in a meaningful way, which makes it kinda embarrassing that it’s called Guardians of the Galaxy as if the whole team actually matters. Much like in the first film, Drax is just an extra without any real plot or purpose of his own, no narrative or character arc to speak of beyond being a total douche to the new female character on the block, Mantis (the fact that the movie uses Mantis as a punching bag and laughing stock for the so-called good guys is among its more tasteless sins). Groot, meanwhile, was already more of a gimmick than a character, but that’s up to eleven now, and like Drax he could pretty easily be excised from the story without lasting effect. Gamora’s interactions with Nebula are really her only good fodder; her tangential attachment to Quill is incidental and has no personal relevance for Gamora, she’s just providing someone for Quill to bounce his inane misogyny off, because how would we recognise him without it? Quill being the centre of this plot does at least make sense this time (sleeping pill that it is), unlike in the first film where he was frankly pointless to the story; nevertheless, the drudging Daddy Issues cliche of this movie fails to make anything insightful or impactful out of Quill’s experiences. As noted earlier, Rocket is, bizarrely, the only character who feels like his story matters, and it’s his and Yondu’s character exploration that wins the prize as the highlight of an overall weak, spectacle-laden film that thinks it’s much funnier than it really is. 

It’s no secret at this point that I don’t care for the Guardians franchise, but it isn’t complete absent glimmers of good promise and creative storytelling. Unfortunately, it’s also largely overrun with lazy plotting and vaguely-connected strings of shenanigans that prioritise rapidly-staling comedic beats over any semblance of narrative cohesion or character development. A rocking soundtrack and a smattering of toilet humour does not a worthy film make; it’s not like I’m going in looking for some high-brow drama, I just prefer my entertainment to hang together a little better than this does, and it surprises me a bit to hear people sing the praises of something so very, very messy. Whatever. It did its job for Marvel’s bottom line, so I don’t expect they’ll cook up any quality improvements for the third film of the franchise, when it comes. I sure would be glad to be wrong, though. There’s so much potential they’re wasting here.

[honey-bri-books]

Raising Hell: Castiel

A made-up excerpt from episode 15x02 of Supernatural. I do not own any of the characters, do not own rights to the show, etc. All characters created by Eric Kripke. For enjoyment (hopefully not a waste of your time!) Supernatural Fan-Fic. A nod to Rainbow Rowell and fans.

Kid 1: Hey! Give that back!

Kid 2: I had it first!

Several children from the town, restless sitting on their cots with nothing to do, have wandered off from the high school cafeteria to the library. With a lesser or non-existent supply of picture books, the few adventurous children settle at the young adult fiction section, drawn due to the colorful full-sized pillows left in a pile.

Kid 1: Really, Maddy!? This book is mine! ..gripping the book and raising it to block her sister’s view.

Maddy: Isabella, no! You only want it because it's green on the cover. I actually know what it's about. You don't.

Isabella lowers the book and closes it, hugging it to her chest. She rolls her eyes at her sister. She always considered herself the better reader. She didn't have to ask her parents or teachers as many questions as Maddy did, about how to pronounce strange new words. 

Isabella: You probably won’t understand the story, anyhow. Why don't you find a new book?

Maddy: Because I saw that one first! 

Kid 3: Shhhhhhhh! Will you two be quiet? We'll get in trouble and the adults will come and get us.

The twins look over at the boy by the classics section. Something called The Red Badge of Courage is open and in his hands. It looks old and boring to the Maddy. The boy slides down and onto his back, trying to read. Isabella suddenly loses interest in Fan Girl, and moves over to inspect the boy's book. Maddy snatches up the book discarded by her sister, and flips through to look at the black and white pictures, stopping to try and really read when she sees the word 'vampire'.

Isabella sits next to the boy, who ignores her. Ahem she says. The boy looks up at her.

Kid 3: What?

Isabella: That book looks like a fake book. 

Kid 3: A fake book?!

Isabella: Yeah! It's too small to be a real book. It looks like it only has 10 pages, or something. The boy sits up and looks at her. 

Kid 3: Would you be quiet, already? Thanks for leading me to the library and all, but...

Maddy: What are you reading? It looks old!!!! Can I see? The boy starts to lose patience. 

Kid 3: God!!! Would you both please just.....

Castiel: What are you three doing in here? All three children look up at the FBI agent, in charge of the evacuation. 'Evacuation” apparently meaning “Giant sleepover, with no games, no tv or computers, and crabby parents.” You shouldn't be in here, alone. Where are your parents?

Isabella: Don't you know where they are? You said you would watch over all of us. Remember?

Maddy: Isabella! Sorry. She has a looootttt of issues. The boy rolls his eyes 

Kid 3: Oh whatever! Then to Castiel. Look, we know we have to go back with you and stuff, but can I bring this with me? Holding up The Red Badge of Courage. Castiel looks at the boy and nods. Not wanting to be left out, the girls go back for Fan Girl, at the same time. 

Maddy: Hey! I was reading that!

Isabella: You were not!!!

Castiel: You could read to each other... the girls look up at him.

Maddy: What? 

Castiel: You could read to each other. One could read a chapter and then the other could read the next. I could decide who gets to read first, if that would help resolve any.....issues. Both girls consider this for a moment. The boy again, loses patience.

Kid 3: You know, she (pointing to Isabella) seems to be the smart twin. She obviously is a really good reader. She was holding onto the book the longest without talking. So she was really reading, unlike her (pointing to Maddy) who only looked at the book for two seconds. She probably just wants to look at the pictures. Can’ t even read, at all! Isabella beams, while Maddy looks to the floor, crossing her arms in defeat. Her struggle in school was always a subject for discussion at dinner, which would later lead to a fight, between her parents. It didn’t help that her sister never got bad grades. Isabella said that if their parents ever got a divorce, it would be Maddy's fault. Maddy begins to cry. Castiel reaches past her and selects a book with a dark purple cover jacket and hands it to Maddy.  

Castiel: I personally think that this book is very entertaining. Let your sister keep the other book, and you can take this one, instead. Maddy sniffs, wiping the snot from her nose with her sleeve.

Maddy: I don't...really.....read....good. I don't understand all of the words. She looks up at Castiel with tears in her eyes. Castiel kneels to her and attempts a small smile. 

Castiel: Well, the title of the book is Carry On. By a person named Rainbow Rowell. He opens up to a random page in the book, and points to one of the character’s names. His name is Baz, and his name is Simon. Simon Snow. Those are the best words to start with. Any other words....if you don't want to ask for help right away, try sounding it out. Think about the alphabet. For the parts you still don't understand, try and guess on your own. That way, you can make up your own story. Maddy sniffs and takes the book. She nods her head, and wraps her arms around the book, as if protecting it from the other two children. Castiel looks over at the boy, who is now looking down at the floor, shuffling his feet. Castiel walks over to him, next.

Castiel: I think you owe her an apology. The boy looks over at Maddy, guiltily.

Kid 3: Sorry. I....I'm sorry for what I said....You know, at first, I couldn't really read either. My parents got me a teacher, to learn extra at home. So, I learned at home and school...for awhile. Maybe your parents could do that with you. Then looking at Castiel...Um, can I still bring this back with me? Indicating his book. Castiel nods. Isabella looks at her sister, feeling bad...

Isabella: Mmmsory. Let's just go back now. I'm getting tired, anyway. 

Castiel accompanies the three kids back towards the cafeteria, and they start off down the hall, exiting the library. The boy comes up to the left of Cas, with the two girls lagging behind, slightly. Cas looks down at the boy clutching the book in his hand. 

Castiel: And what's your name? The boy smiles, and looks up at Cas. An FBI agent! Talking to him, and him alone. Wait until his friends hear about this. He puffs out his chest proudly and says....

Kid 3: I'M JACK!! Castiel stumbles. He looks away from the boy, his face falling. Jack’s smile disappears. He looks worried that he hurt the FBI man’s feelings, somehow.

Jack: Mister? Are you alright? Don't you like my name? Is it....is it a bad name? Castiel quickly recovers and fakes the best smile he can. 

Castiel: I think it's a wonderful name. And it was a brave thing you did back there, apologizing...and...recognizing your mistake.....Making things right. You did a good job, by apologizing. 

Jack: Really? Why was it a good job, to say I was sorry?

Castiel: Because I could tell that you really meant it, when you did it.

They've all reached the cafeteria at this point. The girls sprint to their cots, their parents arguing on the next cot, over where their next vacation should be and when. Jack spots his parents. He turns to Castiel one last time.

Jack: Thanks for letting me keep the book. And I really am sorry about what I said, before. About the girl not knowing how to read good, like the rest of us. I guess I really...how does my dad say it, again?.....dropped the doll....duck...….NO!........puck! I think it's puck! Yeah! I’M SORRY I DROPPED THE PUCK! 

Castiel waits until Jack is sitting on his cot, comfortable and reading his stolen library book. He looks around for sign of Dean. After describing him to a few of the locals, Castiel walks towards the hallway, where ‘one of the FBI agents’ had recently disappeared into. Shortly afterwards, he sees Dean through the windows of one of the classrooms. Castiel swallows hard, not knowing if he preferred Dean's angry silence to his sometimes violent, verbal lashing, that was sure to follow the much delayed confrontation concerning Jack's final days on earth. He turns to head back to the cafeteria and then stops, giving himself a minute to steady himself. 

Castiel was tired of waiting. Every other moment spent wishing he could just disappear. That he could leave and never come back. For once, that he could just leave this family alone. But there were too many words left unspoken, between him and Dean. And as painful as it would be, Cas knew that Dean was waiting for him to admit his involvement in Mary's death....in Jack's. In heaven, Castiel's sacrifice to Jack was out of his love for the Winchesters. For all of them. But even with everything to consider, his main concern and driving thought was that Jack was Dean's one and only chance at fatherhood. 

It was understood that any mention of Lisa or Ben was not to be considered, ever again, under no circumstances. But Jack was more than Dean or Sam could've ever wished or dreamed for. He was their excuse to finally allow themselves to be happy. For all of them to let their guard down. For each of them to finally love a person as only a parent could, without worry about the consequences. Jack's power seemed to discard any thought of harm ever coming to him, so the thought of losing Jack anytime soon....Castiel needed to take the blame for Jack's death, for Mary's.....so that Dean didn't have to, anymore...

His chest tightening with each step closer, Castiel enters the class room where Dean is surveying a map of the area, the barrier circled in red. At the sound of Castiel's footsteps, Dean starts to turn. Realizing who it is, he snaps his head back to face the map.

Dean: Hey

Castiel: Yeah – Hey.... Cas falters. Then braces himself. Convinces himself that he's doing the right thing. Owning his faults and confessing his sins, to the only person he sees fit to judge them.

He'll have every reason to hate me for the rest of our lives. But that's better than him hurting himself. It's worth it, if it means that Dean can move forward, fight harder than he ever has in the past. And pass the pain onto someone more deserving of it. It's now or never...

Castiel: Dean, I recognize that I dropped the puck

-The End

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

I cannot figure out how to sign up or log in to gizmodo to explain directly to the author how wrong and broken they are so this will have to do. If anyone is able to post on this site I’d love them to link to this.

 “Although Peter Parker had several love interests in his early comic book history—most notably, of course, Gwen Stacy—when Mary Jane Watson was introduced, she was clearly the be-all and end-all of Spidey relationships. ”

 This is wrong on two counts.

 If we define MJ’s introduction as ASm #25 where we first see and hear her then she was absolutely not the be all and end all of Spidey’s relationships. They weren’t in a relationship and she existed as a gag nothing more.

 Fair enough though, few people count that preferring her furst full debut in ASM #42. Even then that statement is wrong.

MJ was introduced as a rival and foil to Gwen Stacy who was the actually intended endgame be all end all love interest.

 “Before that, early issues of Amazing Spider-Man spent almost a year teasing her as a potential romantic partner for Peter, with Aunt May constantly trying to set up a date between Peter and the mysterious, unseen Ms. Watson. Peter wouldn’t first meet MJ until the final moments of Amazing Spider-Man #42—with the cry of her famous line, “Face it, tiger... you just hit the jackpot!”—and it was love at first sight.”

 Oh okay so they do know about her pre- ASM #42 appearences they are just wilfully ignoring it.

 More importantly it was never love at first sight. Peter was attracted to her but he wasn’t in love with her at all and like 2 issues later was thinking how he actually didn’t like her.

 “Peter immediately began dating her, but it didn’t last that long, and the couple eventually broke up for the first of many times. ”

 Again wrong.

 Peter and MJ at best casually dated. They were not exclusive and not going steady therefore no break up ever occurred.

 “This led to Peter dating Gwen again while MJ, still a good friend to the duo, hooked up with Harry Osborn.”

 Again wrong. MJ and Gwen being friends is contentious. They were in the same friendship group but were not particularly close. Moreover Peter and MJ as I said never broke up. Peter began courting Gwen and said nothing to MJ who had herself been casually dating Harry too.

 This was the 1960s and college kids there was a lot of freely traded flirting and dating at the time. In truth Gwen and Harry were dating slightly more seriously but they didn’t even break up and when Gwen and Peter began courting that pissed Harry off.

 MJ didn’t even immediately begin dating Harry after Peter and Gwen got serious and when she did they were again not exclusive though Harry believed they were. Hence the famous panel in ASM #97 wherein Harry tells MJ she’s his girl and she dumps his ass telling him she’s no one’s girl but her own.

 “Gwen’s now-iconic death at the hands of the Green Goblin in Amazing Spider-Man #121 drove Peter and Mary Jane together again as they both tried to come to terms with the loss of Gwen.”

 This is also not strictly speaking true. Yes Gwen’s death was the catalyst but they were not bonding over a mutual loss of Gwen. MJ supported Peter in his time of need which led to their friendship deepening and spending more time together and from these interactions they fell in love.

 Had other circumstances served to allow a (single) Peter and MJ spent more time together, gotten to know each other better, showcased a lot of care and loyalty to one another the same scenario would’ve occurred. But Gwen’s death was such a big deal it threw them together is all.

 “But once more, it didn’t last that long—Peter’s dual life as Spidey began to tear them apart, and when Peter offered a hasty marriage proposal, Mary Jane turned him down, and decided to escape her stressful life with a move away from New York, leaving Peter on his own again.”

 Again this is incredibly incorrect.

 The first time Peter and MJ were explicitly dating on the page was ASM #136 (the debut of Harry as the new Green Goblin btw) in 1974. Their relationship BEGAN to fall apart after Peter’s proposal in ASM #182 and her rejection of it in ASM #183 in 1978. They were still together though but there was an understanding they were no longer exclusive or going steady so they saw other people whilst still seeing one another and steadily drifting apart in spite of efforts to try and repair their relationship. The final end came though in ASM #1992-193 in 1979. Peter made one last effort to fix things with MJ and convinced her to go on a date with him but Spider-Business made him miss it and so MJ decided she was done with him, telling him as much in the next issue.

This means Peter and MJ had some form of relationship, USUALLY a serious and exclusive one (across THREE titles!) for four to five years!  So ‘didn’t last long’ my ass.

Moreover MJ’s move out of New York wasn’t immediate. She appeared two more times, once in Spectacular Spider-Man #38 and then again in ASM #201 both in 1979.

Only after this did MJ move away and at the time it wasn’t even talked about IIRC. She was just phased out of the series without mention and only later did we learn her absence was due to her having moved away. It was even later that we found out her move away was partially prompted by Peter’s proposal and more significantly her learning he was Spider-Man.

 “Upon her return (and the reveal that she had figured out that Peter is Spider-Man), the two remained friends.”

 Again this is grossly over simplifying things.

 MJ returned in ASM #241-242 in 1983 and revealed she knew Peter’s identity in ASM #257 in 1984. During the interim Peter and MJ were still friendly with one another.

It was the reveal of her knowledge of his dual life along with her own painful past that made them CLOSER friends and confidants.

 “But dual traumas—Peter losing his close friend Ned Leeds, and Mary Jane confronting her crooked father—led to the two getting closer again, and this time Peter’s second marriage proposal stuck. Well, actually, MJ turned him down again but eventually reconsidered.”

 Again no.

 Peter and MJ grew closer following MJ revealing her secret history in ASM #259 and then they CONTINUED to grow ever closer thereafter.

 Ned Leeds death and MJ confronting her father were part of that sure, but they weren’t the root cause.

 Ned’s death was likely the motivation Peer needed to propose a second time and dealing with her Dad is THE thing that led MJ to accept the proposal, but they were already in love, already effectively dating and already very close.

 “Peter and MJ’s married life was defined by a frankly absurd amount of drama. ”

 God. An absurd amount of drama in a SUPERHERO story. Who’s ever heard of such a thing.

 Thank God there wasn’t as much drama in Superman and Lois Lane’s relationship across 70 years or Reed and Sue’s marriage across 45 years.

 It’s not like at one point they split up because Reed put their son into a coma   or Sue miscarried their child only to become reimpregnated with her years later.

 “Mary Jane’s modelling career hit new highs after her marriage, only for her to be stalked by her former landlord, who not only ruined her career but then kidnapped her (the first of many, many kidnappings during her marriage). ”

 Again kidnappings of a superhero’s loved ones! *clutches pearls*

Also MJ’s career was ruined by Jonathan Caesar AFTER he stalked and kidnapped her. FFS at least get the sequence of events right Wikipedia explains this better!

 “Meanwhile, Peter was distraught by the arrival of a couple claiming to be his long-thought-dead parents. Once they were revealed to be Life Model Decoy robots sent by the Chameleon (hired by Harry Osborn in an attempt to get revenge for the death of his father Norman, a.k.a. the Green Goblin) to kill him, Peter had a total mental breakdown, abandoning Mary Jane for a while before they eventually reunited.”

 The article pretends like the above event quickly followed the former when it didn’t.

 Moreover it claims Peter’s mental breakdown was specifically due to his parents being imposters but it wasn’t. It was actually multiple incidents gradually putting him under immense strength and the straw that broke him was actually Aunt May’s coma.

 Like...maybe fucking READ the comic where he breaks down maybe?

 It’s also debatable to say he ever actually abandoned MJ. He went off the rails briefly in that story but it was actually MJ who temporarily abandoned him though she made it clear she would be coming back.

 Then after a lot of other stuff they reunited.

  “And then, oh and then, there’s the Clone Saga, one of the most infamous Spider-Man stories ever told. ”

 FALSE! Peter and MJ’s reconciliation happened DURING the Clone Saga not before.

 “In between all the wild nonsense about Peter clones, Ben Reilly, and Peter being convinced that he’s a clone so he abandons being Spider-Man altogether, Mary Jane became pregnant, only to tragically give birth to a stillborn child after she was poisoned by an agent of the Green Goblin. ”

 Again not true.

 Peter didn’t abandon being Spider-Man because he was a clone. The story arcs ‘Exiled’ and the ‘The Greatest Responsibility’ make it explicit that just because Peter is the clone doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be Spider-Man. It was decided peter SHOULD remain Spider-Man but it was actually his impending fatherhood that led Peter to retire and hand the mantle to Ben.

 Also MJ giving birth to a stillborn child is at best debatable.

 It’s HEAVILY implied Norman merely faked the baby’s death. This makes more sense for his character too.

 “The horror and stress of the whole event—which culminated in the return of Norman Osborn, the apparent death of Ben Reilly (don’t worry, he got better too, eventually, sort of), and Peter’s return to the Spider-Mantle—understandably put the couple’s relationship on the rocks.”

 No it didn’t.

 The story arc in which Norman returned, Ben died and the couple believed their child to have died actually ends with the reaffirmation of their relationship and shows them growing closer and stronger from it.

 This is then corroborated in the very next issue, Spec #241 which again reaffirms they’re relationship is strong.

 “Then MJ got kidnapped (again) by a telepathic mutant who wanted to steal Peter’s life (and his wife) and staged a plane explosion in Amazing Spider-Man#13, which led to Peter believing MJ was dead for over a year. ”

 FALSE!

 Not only did he skip over more than TWO YEARS worth of stories by jumping immediately from the end of the Clone Saga in 1996 to the Mackie/Byrne era (which began in 1998 with the plane crash in 2000) but he also falsely claims Peter believed MJ was dead for over a year.

 He didn’t.

 MJ was presumed dead by the public for just 6 months and for the MAJORITY of that time Peter was in denial over her death. When he found her alive he even admitted he never truly believed she was dead. Meaning Peter NEVER thought she was dead and felt that way for 6 months not 12.

 “As if all this wasn’t more than enough kicks while Peter and MJ were down, Civil War broke out in the Marvel universe in 2006, which saw Peter’s identity made public, the superhero community tearing itself apart over something that is in equal parts tragic and dumb, and Aunt May and MJ having to go on the run after Spider-Man’s ginormous roster of foes started chasing them in the wake of Peter’s big, foolish reveal.”

 Wow there is so much misinformation to unpack here.

 Okay, so first of all Peter and MJ WEREN’T separated or dealing with the fallout of MJ’s trauma when Civil War occurred.

 They parted ways in 2001, got back together in 2003 and Civil War was 2006!

 Furthermore the Parkers didn’t go on the run because of Peter revealing his identity, it was because he no longer trusted Tony Stark and thus decided to go on the run...I said the author was wrong I never said the story was logical.

 “That still left the problem of Peter’s identity being made public during Civil War, however. Peter asked Doctor Strange to cast a spell that would wipe his identity from the mind of everyone in the world, including Mary Jane, in Amazing Spider-Man #641—only for Peter to protect Mary Jane from the spell’s effects at the last minute. Despite being kept in on his greatest secret, Mary Jane ultimately decided she couldn’t keep risking the danger of being someone special to Spider-Man, and told Peter to move on and find someone else to share his life with.”

 Again this misrepresents the sequence of events. The author pretends that these events occurred after Peter and Mj broke up in the new revised timeline when in truth the mindwipe was the thing that led to them breaking up (stupidly).

 Moreover the break up was spawned by MJ (stupidly) not wishing to risk her family not herself.

 “The two remained friends and confidants over the next few years, until another wild Spider-Man event—The Superior Spider-Man, in which a dying Doctor Octopus took over Peter’s body and seemingly sent Peter’s consciousness into the villain’s previously dying body, effectively killing Peter”

 FALSE!

 In Superior Spider-Man Doc Ock created back ups of his own and Peter’s minds and uploaded said copies into one another’s bodies.

 The Peter who died in Otto’s dying body was never the original, the original was simply a passive observer within his own body.

  “When Mary Jane noticed that something was up with Peter, the two quickly broke up again”

 SUPER FALSE!

 MJ DIDN’T NOTICE anything wrong! THAT was why the story sucked shit.

 Otto himself ended things because he believed that they shouldn’t be together because he’d always endanger her.

 “And when Peter was eventually restored to his body and Otto’s deception was revealed to her, Mary Jane decided once and for all that Peter’s absurd life as a hero shouldn’t define her life as well, choosing to remain friends with him but remaining mostly separated from his life. (Valid.)”

 No. INVALID.

 MJ victim blamed  Peter and wasn’t saying his crazy life defined her. She was saying some nonsense about wanting a normal life but still wanted that in the city where Skrulls invade ever summer.

It was toxically out of character.

It also wasn’t ‘once and for all’ since oh I dunno she still stuck around in his fucking life.

“The revitalization of Marvel’s continuity in the wake of 2015's Secret Wars kept this status quo for MJ and Peter—although fans jonesing for the couple’s time together were thrown a bone by Marvel in the form of Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows, an ongoing series that began in 2016 about an alternate-reality version of Peter and MJ that remained married, had a daughter together, and currently fight crime as an entire Spider-family.”

 Okay true but how is that relevant to the point of the article?