#god idk how to even phrase my feelings abt it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mysticalsoot · 2 years ago

Text

miscommunications and mistakes

another fic of my self-indulgent boarding school au

A/N; this was fully based off a dream I had like under a week ago and in all honesty- also reader now has a sister in this au and said sister is dating Tom (don't ask questions okay-)

summary; reader harbours strong feelings for Wil but is too afraid to admit them due to the fear he won't see them for who they are. after they make a slip up after an evening out with him, Wilbur hatches a plan with reader's sister.

tw// swearing, use of bunny as a nickname (reader bounces when excited lol), uses of boy regarding the reader, kissing, lowkey a makeout, dude IDK-- it's like fluff central with dashes of angst..and I wrote Wil as gay in this fic- not making assumptions Abt irl wil- this is just fiction and like super super niche

words; 4.2k

pairings; cc!wilbur x transmale!reader (could be read as nb/non fem presenting, just avoid the uses of boy!)

pronouns; none really! but uses of boy, and uses of y/n!

masterlist

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Normally on weekends, you'd be back in the dorms, stay on campus and revel in what little alone time you had. The peace of silence draped over the halls. Only broken by a few dorm doors slamming from other levels.

But nothing was normal with Wilbur. He came prancing into the dorm, practically skipping when he dipped his head into your bunk and gave you the cheekiest grin he could.

"Heyyy, bunny-" You lifted your head immediately at the sound, lifting your attention from your book to his face and your annoyance at the interruption immediately fizzled out when you saw him. He took away all of your worries and anxieties when he looked at you, and you so desperately wanted him more than a friend--

"Hello to you too, bee," You smiled softly at him as you pulled up your legs to give him room to sit at the end of your bunk, "What's got you all giddy this fine Saturday afternoon, hm?" You knew you were smiling so wide that anyone who wasn't as oblivious as Wilbur would've clocked immediately. But Wil doesn't notice the romantic feelings that seep into your gracious smile or the way your eyes sparkle at the idea of getting more time around him.

"Sooo…" He trailed off, leaning to rest his cheek on your knees as he spoke, "I asked your dad if I could take you with me and go out for the day. Like around mid-city? Go to a couple of different craft shops maybe...You know, do what kids usually do these days-" He lifts his head and cuts himself off, a playful smirk replacing his grin.

"Wilbur, I adore you, but I don't think you have the best idea of what 'kids do these days'," You chuckle softly as you meet his eyes and they crinkle at the corners as he leans his head back against the wall, shaking his head and chuckling with you.

"Fine- but would you still like to go?" He asks, his voice soft, only meant for you despite how the question was one that wouldn't hurt if it graced another's ears. It was for you nonetheless but he made sure it was said just for you and god-- if you didn't know better, you'd say there was a reason.

He's straight, Y/N. Get a grip. You thought, like you always did. At this point the phrase was a mantra, said mentally anytime he did something that could even just barely come off as more than platonic. It was a reminder to you that he couldn't feel the same unless he didn't see you as you were. And he made sure you knew he saw you as nothing but a boy. Just as you are.

"Yes, I'd love to," Your smile was soft, warm and you set aside your book and pulled off your covers just to snake out of your bunk. If you'd look in his direction, you would've noticed Wilbur's sweet and soft smile and his eyes big and wide. But you didn't, and so you lived in ignorance any time he gazed at you for longer than a few seconds--which was every time.

"Wonderful.." The word was mumbled under his breath as you put on your shoes, tying them and hopping up afterwards to grab your wallet.

You walked over to the door and waved with your hand, giggling, "Well come on then! We have craft stores to venture into!"

Your words brought a bright smile to his face as he slunk out of your bunk and followed you, the reminder of his towering height now a thought on the tip of your minds.

"Yes, sir!" He giggles as he follows you, and you feel his hand ghost over your waist from behind, as if he was trying to guide you. Your breath hitches in your throat and stays stuck until his hand is moved back to his side and you let out a small breath, not of relief but you can't entirely tell what feeling lies underneath it.

It wasn't long until you were both outside of Hab 1, exiting into the parking lot and you started walking over to the bus stop. Wilbur grabbed you gently by your wrist and smiled. You turned back to face him, tilting your head to the side as you give him a quizzical look.

He lifted his other hand and dangled your dad's car keys in his palm and your eyes went wide, his hand letting go of your wrist.

"Wil- How?!" Your tone was more surprised as you stepped forward, grasping at the keys almost as if to assure yourself they were real.

"Apparently you're not the only one he favors-" He smiles mischievously and giggles as you grab the keys, before handing them back.

"He trusts you to drive his car? With his child as the passenger?" Your jaw might as well be on the ground with how you gape at Wilbur, at the idea your father trusts him this much. He won't even let Grace drive his car, but then again, she is fifteen and just got her permit so in reality, trusting a sixteen almost seventeen year old with a driver's license a year old actually isn't the worst.

"Yep, he does. I didn't even ask, he just offered. I tried to say no but- Your dad can be scary when he's determined. It also seemed like he wanted to get back to talking to Andy and I'd rather take the offer and let him…talk, than be at the receiving end of his annoyance," He giggles softly as he leads you along across the parking lot to your father's car.

"You mean flirting?" You chuckle softly at the mental image of your dad trying to flirt and falling short repeatedly, even though all he has to do is look Andy's way--

"Okay, that is what I mean-" Wilbur smiles as he scoffs, opening the passenger door and letting you step in before walking to the driver's side and getting in his seat.

The car ride is uneventful after that, music playing in the background as you both hum along to it. Wilbur's eyes intently focused on the road in front of him, more cautious than you've ever seen him before. He was so careful with every move he made, clearly he knew how scary your dad could be when his child is hurt. He could care less about his car getting a scratch or a dent, it's replaceable, expensive, but replaceable. You and your two siblings were not and if you asked any person he passed by through life, he thought the world of you three. You guys are his world and have been since the moment he adopted you. Who knew a mid 20s grad student could find such joy in raising three pre teens into adulthood? The three of you are not pre teens by any means now, and the thought in itself was daunting to him but he found great pride in his kids. Sometimes impulsive decisions you make when you're freshly an adult, pay off.

When Wilbur pulled the car gently into a parking spot, putting it in park and putting the emergency break on--just in case--he sighed and rested his head against the headrest, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. You smiled softly and chuckled along with it as you dipped your head to meet his eyes.

"You okay there, Wil?" He shook his head, as he smiled worriedly.

"Uhh, besides the fact I just drove one of my closest friends in his dad's car, ten minutes away from campus, I'm fine-" He took a few deep breaths as he took the keys out of the ignition and stepped out of the car. You started to follow suit, unlocking your side when he shook his head, "Nope, wait for me."

The words made a dusting of pink crawl up your cheeks as you looked down, smiling to yourself. Wilbur practically ran around the car to your side and he opened the door, "Such a gentleman," You giggled as you stepped out of the car, his hand held out for you and you take it. He closes the door behind you and holds onto your hand for a few seconds longer than what is platonically acceptable--

He's straight, stop it. Another thought, another mantra and you take a deep breath, walking with him onto the sidewalk. You smiled over at him as he smiled back, his eyes on you for a split second before refocusing on the concrete of the walkway and you felt his arm ghost around your waist again, hovering ever so slightly. It's there, but it isn't and you two walked into the first shop, a small bookstore combined with a bakery.

Your eyes lit up at the scents that wafted up your nose immediately, assaulting your senses with warm pastries and the smell of old books despite most of the books being sold are brand new. Wilbur noticed your glowing expression and giggled, the two of you finding a spot out of the way to look at the menu. He leaned down closer to you and spoke by your ear, "Get anything you want, okay? I'm paying, so don't even try to pull out your wallet." He smiled as he pulled back, readjusting his attention to the large menu board on the wall, his arm going back to his side.

You knew not to argue, you wouldn't win anyways, and he'd go as far as taking your wallet and hiding it from you if you even dared to pay. So you shrugged and tried to find a pastry that piqued your interest and it wasn't hard to--it was still before noon and while you ate breakfast with your sister in the cafeteria, you still had a hankering for something breakfast-y.

You told Wilbur your order and he guided you with him to the counter, him taking control of ordering and getting you what you ordered a long with a crossiant for himself. He was smiling politely during the interaction and you watched him the whole time, how he nodded at the cashier, bounced his head a slight bit as his card got rung up. The slight frustration in his eyes when the card wouldn't read the first time--every bit. It wasn't unusual for you to notice all of the small things about him, but to watch him do something like this, somehow felt domestic and just made the happy feelings erupt and flutter in your stomach.

He's straight, why can't you see that? Another thought and you're looking away, trying to hide the small frown that crawls onto your lips.

His arm ghosts again, your lower back now, and then his hand is on your side. You were zoned out, didn't notice the small smile on his lips as he nodded to something the cashier said and then he smiled over at you before guiding you to a table by a window.

He pulls out the chair to the left, smiling and waving for you to take a seat, you do with a soft smile on your lips and he takes his seat across from you. This feels so…nice. But misleading. It almost feels wrong to even imagine the possibility of this being more than a close platonic friendship. Anything more than the obvious.

He breaks the silence with a soft smile, resting his chin on his palm while his other hand rests on the table. You catch his fingers twitching, almost like he was going to reach out to you, but restrained himself, "So after this, craft store?"

"I need yarn anyways, it's dad's birthday soon-" You chuckle softly and Wilbur shakes his head with a smile, scoffing playfully.

"When do you not need yarn?" A small and teasing smirk crawls up on his lips as he folds his arms on the table, leaning forward just a hair.

"When I'm dead," Despite the monotone aura of your delivery, you're smiling widely, a playfulness held in your eyes.

Wilbur laughs softly at you, his eyes crinkling like they always do and his nose scrunching up while he smiles warmly, "Let's hope that isn't soon, alright?" His tone has a genuine warmth to it, like a part of him means what he says and you swear the way he says 'alright?' will be the death of you.

"Well, if I do die soon, Andy is going to have a handful with my father," You scoff slightly, shaking your head at the thought, the conversation topic is dark but your smiles and your playful tone makes it softer.

The moment you finished speaking, your order was called and when you went to stand and get it--Wilbur stopped you by placing his hand on yours for a brief moment, his eyes glancing at yours with a gentle warning in them. So he stood up and walked over, grabbing the two drinks and pastries he ordered for you both, and found his spot back across from you. He rested an arm on the table as he ate his pastry, watching as you eat yours with a happy sway.

"You like it?" Wilbur giggled as he watched you, putting down his pastry so he could rest his chin on his palm, and admire you with a soft smile.

You nodded your head excitedly, smiling wide as you chew. Wilbur smiles as he shakes his head in awe before he finishes his own pastry, you following suit.

The both of you had gotten up afterward, taking your drinks and wandering around the bookshop, picking out books or trinkets for one another. You found a space pen for your dad, Wilbur smiling at your thoughtfulness when you saw it, immediately going on about how much your dad would love it-- how he needed one after Evan stole all of his favorite ones. Wilbur found the moment endearing, seeing you so excited about getting something so small but meaningful for your father. You weren't even there for him, but you managed to think of him anyways.

The rest of your afternoon was spent together, walking around mid-city, going to different shops and making jokes, and sharing glances that should be a tell of mutual feelings but you both were much too oblivious. And afraid.

You feared he was straight or rather, you knew he was straight, whilst Wilbur feared that if you knew he liked you, you'd think he thought that way because he saw you as a girl. Which was not true by any means but he knew you too well, he knew how your mind worked, how those negative thoughts would seep in and infest anything positive.

It was inching closer and closer to dinner time for that evening, and you both promised that you'd be back beforehand, even if it was the weekend, neither of you liked being late for things. Regardless of if lunch times were flexible and merely a suggestion, it still bothered you both to be there past time.

"So, did you enjoy your day?" Wilbur asked softly as he looked down at you, a sweet smile on his lips as he admired you. You didn't notice the glint in his eyes or the way he bit his lip gently when he looked at you. How would you notice?

"I loved it, Wil," Your own smile matched his and as you went to open the passenger side door, Wilbur tsked and immediately opened it for you. You groan at him, in playful annoyance as you roll your eyes, "Seriously, Wilbur?"

"Yes, seriously. I am a gentleman, am I not?" The boy smiles softly, eyes crinkling and glowing with…appreciation and platonic love--which is what you decided to call it and you hoped it was something more.

“If I argue, I'm not going to get anywhere, am I?” You tilt your head to the side slightly, a teasing and playful smirk on your lips as you fold your arms over your chest. You lean against the side of the car door, chin up to meet his eyes. He looked away for a moment, smiling as a blush crawled onto his cheeks, and when he looked back at you, his lips curled into a coy smile.

“You’ll never win, darling,” He smirked softly as he dipped his head close to yours, not so far as to insinuate anything more than teasing, platonic banter, but enough to toe the line just a hair.

“Okay- Fine.”

You tried to ignore the way your voice cracked at the end, how your blush showed on your face, and how your voice entirely deceived you. Wilbur won't notice, you thought, he’s too oblivious.

He did, but he simply smiled to himself as he shut the passenger side door and walked around the car to the driver’s side. The drive was decently silent, a comment here and there but the drive back to campus was short anyhow so there wasn’t much you could say anyhow. Once he pulled into a parking space, he leaned against the headrest, turning his head to face you, a small smile on his lips.

You smiled back and as you looked at him, he felt too distracting. Everything about him, his stupid fuzzy curls, those puppy eyes--the way his dimples and smile lines showed ever so slightly. How his lips were so pink, curled into such a small and sweet smile--his cheeks softly dusted with pink- You wanted to kiss him right then and there, it was stupid but you weren’t sure how much longer you could let yourself hold back. And it wasn’t like you were the one to make impulsive decisions by any means. You weren't someone to let your feelings overtake your logical thinking but god…he looked too pretty to think about it. So you kissed him. You leaned over the central console and you kissed him, it was just a simple peck but it was enough to spark fireworks in your stomach. It felt like an eternity that you had your lips on his when it was mere moments before you pulled back and reality rushed in. How stupid you felt and now how embarrassed you were.

"God-- Wil, I'm sorry just-- Sorry." You mutter out, turning a deep shade of red and feeling that burning feeling of guilt build in your gut. You reached over and opened the car door just moments later and Wilbur did the same on his side, not saying anything in response. You wished he would just yell at you, it's better than painful silence like this.

He stopped at the gate, stumbling over his words, “Uh, I promised Tech I would hang out with him- like over in the Davidson Center so I- I’ll see you later, yeah?”

You nodded, trying to give a soft smile but ultimately failing and walking the other way.

You are an idiot, or at least that’s the conclusion you’re coming to. It isn’t greatly beneficial but neither is impulsively kissing your probably straight best friend, now is it?

You tried to shrug off every negative and intrusive thought, walking up the stairs to your dorm so you could vent and complain to your sister, and that plan couldn’t be spoiled at this point. A few more steps and you were swinging open the dorm door, sighing from relief when you find Grace entirely alone in the dorm.

“Jesus- knock next time!” She jumped in her place, nearly screaming as she got spooked from reading peacefully in her bunk. Her face was written in a slight scowl but her expression softened the moment you met her eyes, “What’s wrong?”

“I fucked up,” You run your hands down your face as you find a seat on the bench, leaning against the desk.

“How..so?” Grace’s voice was unsure as she climbed down the ladder of her bunk, walking over to you, and sitting next to you.

“I kissed him-”

“Wait really? Finally!” She was beaming with excitement and you shoot a glare at her, her demeanor changes immediately, “How bad?”

“Okay well for starters- after he didn't even say anything until we got to the gate and then he told me he was going to see Tech- and that’s fine honestly it could’ve gone worse but I really think I messed up big time now- I mean, he’s straight for fucksake!” You speak all in one breath, taking a deep breath afterward and leaning your head on your sister's shoulder.

She holds back a laugh as she whispers, “Did he kiss back?”

“Yeah-” She was about to cut you off when you spoke again, “But it doesn’t mean anything. It could’ve just been instinct,” You screw your eyes shut, the guilt building up into your throat, burning your insides.

“You’re not going to listen to what I have to say so I’ll say this; give him time to process and you won’t feel like such shit anymore, okay? Now, I think you should go lay under the Saturn V and decompress, yeah? It’s your spot,” Grace smiles softly as she ushers you up to stand, nearly pushing you out of the dorm.

“Fine- Fine- I get it, Tom is coming over isn't he?” You throw a playful smirk as you chuckle softly at the way your sister is acting. She scowls softly and a slight pink tint crawls up her cheeks.

“No- absolutely n- okay maybe. Now, go!” You roll your eyes playfully as you walk away.

A bit of fresh air wouldn’t hurt.

The thing is, the Davidson Center, which is where the decoy Saturn V sits outside, is on the other side of campus. So while it was mid-October and decently chilly, you still managed to break a sweat and be a bit out of breath. The hilly paths and the heat leftover from the day radiating from the asphalt also did not help. A few minutes passed and you were through the gate and under the large rocket.

You sighed a breath of relief at how cool it was underneath, not a single drop of sunlight as the sun began to set behind the hills and trees. So you found a seat underneath, closing your eyes and letting the wind rake through your hair and fan over your face, silence draping your being in a meditative comfort.

And then it was broken, “Hey, bunny,” Your eyes shot open at the sound of the familiar voice, the nickname processing only afterward, and the voice was quickly identified as Wilbur.

“I thought you had plans with your brother?” You ask softly, moving to stand from your spot on the concrete. You didn’t take any steps forward, but he took them towards you.

“I did, he had a meeting with his crew trainer that got in the way,” He shrugs, smiling soft and sweet as he took a few more steps towards you, the space between both of you, now gone.

You smile back, memories of fear and guilt so far gone that all you feel is that usual hoard of butterflies in your gut. He puts his hands gently on your upper arms, his thumbs rubbing softly as he looks down, shuffling his feet. Part of you wants to freeze at his touch, but you instead melt, letting out a soft and satisfied sigh.

“I need to tell you something,” Wilbur starts, his feet stopping their shuffles as he moves his eyes to meet yours.

“Yeah?” Your voice is soft and small, eyes widened only slightly as you search his face for any inkling of what he may need to say--and you come up with nothing.

“I think…” He trails off as his eyes dart from yours down to your lips and back to your eyes, “I think it would be better if I speak with action,” And so, he drops his hands to your sides, letting himself wear a small smirk on his lips before he leans down and captures you in a deep and passionate kiss. One that if it goes on too long, lips will be left pink and swollen from how much love gets poured into it. Wilbur then moves a hand up to cup your cheek, and then his other on your other cheek, thumbs rubbing the soft skin gently as you reach your arms up and drape them over his neck. You pull him down slightly, opening your mouth just a hair more to somehow deepen the kiss even more than it already is. His body presses on yours as you press yours upwards onto his. Soft sighs and sounds of excitement slip out, swallowed by one another as sweet smiles curl up on both of your lips. It’s only when you’re both desperate for air that he pulls back, running his thumb over your lips, admiring how pink they are. And he smirks, “Oh, I’m gay by the way,” He chuckles softly as you swat at his arm, smiling wide from euphoria.

“No fucking shit, Sherlock!” You both giggle and he drops his head down onto your shoulder, pulling you close into a hug.

“I’m sorry about earlier- I was… kind of shocked and I didn’t know how to react. I just- I hope this makes up for it,” He sighs against your shoulder before turning his face against your neck, rubbing your back as he smiles, “I like you, like, a lot. And in the gay way.”

You giggle in response, “You know, I like you too,”

taglist; @sleepyburs @lillylvjy @ella-fella-bo-bella

#wilbur gold #wilbur x reader #wilbur soot imagine #wilbur soot x gn!reader #wilbur soot x male reader #wilbur #wilbur soot fluff #wilbur soot x y/n #wilbur soot #wilbur soot x you #wilbur soot x reader #boarding school au my beloved

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elvhenmage · 3 months ago

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rambling thoughts abt dav after beating it in three and a half days (this will contain spoilers):

no kissing davrin whenever i want??? criminal. i miss being able to go up and chat with my companions in general

also idk if it’s just a davrin thing but the romance line wasss… i dunno. not as like, prevalent? as i wanted, i think. but i enjoyed it very much, i do adore him. i just would’ve liked a pet name or a second kiss scene at least

base combat gameplay is fun. i started to learn combos in my last ~four hours of gameplay but i think i like it too. but i don’t like how companions won’t use abilities unless i tell them to

goddamn i love the sprinting. this bitch hauls ass. the jumping and mantling is a little stiff sometimes but not enough to really bother me

the horror of the blight and of ghilan’nain in general!!! oh man. the blight is so disgusting and i love it. she is such a damn freak. they could’ve gone farther with it but i loved what we got

being able to pinpoint exactly when solas is thinking and then lying to rook is so delicious. when he said “if you help me defeat elgar’nan, i promise the veil will not collapse by my hand” or whatever i was like hmm. weird phrasing. and then to find out killing elgar’nan will bring down the veil?? i love it. what a fucking bastard

companions are good. found myself enamored by all of them in different ways. their individual quests felt like a LOT going on that i didn’t understand at first but i got used to it

this felt very high stakes even before my companions started actually dying in my doomed run. dai didn’t feel high stakes to me, but this did. maybe seeing the devastation from the blight made it feel more personal or something? idk

really big fan of being able to witness party banter by finding companions chatting around the lighthouse. and companions cheering you on in battle :) nice touches that make them feel interconnected ykwim

i stand by what i said years ago about wanting this to be a dual protagonist game. i think it could’ve benefited from more inquisitor but i also get how that could’ve been overwhelming and detrimental to rook’s story

oh my god also can we talk about southern thedas getting absolutely fucking destroyed?? that’s insane. when they said our choices in the south wouldn’t matter bc we’re in the north i didn’t think they meant the south would get wiped off the fucking map 😭 the inquisitor never catches a fucking break

getting to encourage nailah to take solas back was super cool and you know i jumped on that shit but the highlight of that scene for me personally was nailah then turning on elowen like “so tell me about DAVRIN” <3 it fit so well into the little backstory i had planned for elowen and nailah

i HATE the menu system. i put over forty hours into this run and by the end of it i was still hitting the button to close the map instead of swapping from local to world. i also don’t know why they put ability selection on the main character page instead of on the skill tree page, but i must’ve been playing for twelve hours before i found out how to swap that fucking thing 😭

speaking of the skill tree. i was right to be intimidated by that when it dropped bc what the fuck is going on in there. there are SO many options and it makes even less sense to only allow three at a time. i was leveling up like a motherfucker to the point that i wouldn’t even look at the skill tree until i had like five points to spend

i like what they did with inventory and gear. companions having set gear/weapons reminded me of da2 and it was much easier to manage vs having 7382 weapons to sell at the end of a section from looting every kill. that said, a LOT of armors for rook are ugly as fuck lmfao. it was kinda crazy going into the endgame with all my companions in their gorgeous legendary armor while i was in my simple dalish wraps

major endgame spoiler here but that’s on you if you’re still reading past the readmore: why the fuck did they make the one canonical and unavoidable companion death between harding and davrin. the amount of people that are going to kill him because harding has history in dai or because they just don’t like him is going to be obscene.

lavellan leaving the south to do whatever it’s gonna do to go with solas into the fade to seek further atonement is WIIILDDDD. i love you nailah. you are insane. who the fuck is going to take care of southern thedas <- this will never matter bc i fear bioware doesn’t care

why did it take so long to get all the companions??? was that just me or did anyone else feel like it took a thousand years to get the full party?

ok that’s enough outta me (for now). i’m gonna browse my mutuals’ blogs and then watch courtney play dav :)

#just wanted my thoughts here before i get poking around to see what other ppl are saying #jess.txt #dragon age #dragon age the veilguard #da #dav #dav spoilers #datv spoilers

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trans-leek-cookie · 3 months ago

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its past midnight and time to yap about Mouthwashing. Anyway obviously we don't see the Specific Events only how the characters react but with Anya... Okay I'm going to talk about the Sexual Assault not with Specific Details but that's what the post is about so

Anyways she reads to me as very like... trying to downplay the severity to herself. Like thinking through it (not having the exact quotes but) I feel like it'd be an unfortunately natural reaction- if you were stuck with 4 guys and the guy with the second highest position on the ship assaulted you depending on the situation. I feel like its not hard to imagine you'd try and reframe it as Less Bad to cope because let me be honest if I had to confront the implications of that, mainly the fact he could do it again and I wouldn't have any real way of dealing with it without complicating things even further bc he doesn't just have a close relationship with the guy with the Most Power on the ship, he also is in charge of keeping Me and The Other People On The Ship Safe, i would be in deep denial just to not lose my god damn mind like thats so fucking scary. And then the implication you tried to talk to the captain and even if he wasn't cruel he didn't Understand the Severity of what you were suggesting is like. Besides feeling afraid it could genuinely really fuck with my own perception bc like "if this guy who I trust says he's not a bad person maybe I'm just overreacting?" is. Again unfortunately understandable.

And again I'll say that Anya fully breaks down when the news breaks that pony express is fucked and like. 1. I think that's related to her own finances (and also. Literally just realized the way an abortion could interact badly with "no savings" like I Just Processed that fact. Like I knew "oh if she couldn't abort having to support a child wouldn't just be traumatic but also fucking nightmarish finance wise" but even having an abortion could make things so much harder.) 2. Jimmy LASHES OUT at Curly OPENLY. again based on my interpretation of Mildly In Denial To Cope this would. Like. Really fuck with that because it goes from "I trust the captain and I don't want to be afraid of my crewmate for a year" to "oh he is willing to verbally abuse the captain, who is his friend" and realizing I wasn't overreacting.

I also wanna point to the dead pixel conversation and obv it's symbolic but idk if it's meant as "there's a dead pixel that Anya noticed and she's using the topic to like test the waters" or if it's "anya is literally just trying to figure out Curly's thought process" which isn't like super important but like. Focusing on the way she starts the conversation by saying that she "Likes the illusion the screen has". (I don't remember the exact words sorry) But that's really interesting to me bc obviously you can read into Curly not seeing the dead pixel and instead focusing on the bigger picture (and how the dead pixel "doesn't ruin the illusion") but I think it's really interesting that Anya starts by talking Positively about the screen even though the dead pixel is there (and she can't stop thinking about it)

Like thinking through implications option 1: she's talking about the screen and uses the dead pixel to get a feel for how Curly responds to her bringing up issues

2: she's being entirely metaphorical and still trying to sort of self soothe- seeking external validation that the dead pixel Isn't Actually That Big A Deal (and therefore she's just overthinking)

3: idk how to phrase this exactly but ppl have talked Abt the way she talks to Jimmy, how it indicates a sort of "Fawn" response where she tries to keep him calm with compliments and stuff, and her talking about "enjoying the illusion" is her trying to do something similar with Curly- essentially starting the metaphor by downplaying the issue

Anyway. I don't know if I have a full conclusion but another thing is I think ppl need to acknowledge that while Curly fucked up and harmed Anya (mainly thru inaction). He's not uniquely shitty. Most people will be in a situation where they act similarly, and that DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS. I AM NOT SAYING CURLY IS ANY BETTER. I am saying that you need to be able to recognize your capacity for harm thru inaction and understand that like. He's not uniquely terrible he's just Normal Levels Of Unhelpful, which in a situation like Anya's is Dangerous

Like. Basically you can say "fuck jimmy fuck curly" all you want but you need to be able to understand that everyone including yourself has the same capacity for harm

#Mouthwashing spoilers #Rape ment #SA ment #Ask to tag #Idk I will say with the Anya thing: I'm a little bit speaking from personal experience #Of. There are things that I think about like ''ppl say These Things (that I experienced) are Very Bad but I don't think that's the case #For me'' like. Not consciously ''oh I'm over reacting'' but more ''well maybe my situation is different'' and it's really hard to figure ou #How much of that is genuinely the case and how much is denial y'know. 👍#Also Curly is a trans guy to me bc I'm hungry for characters who are trans men and just as culpable of willful ignorance and harm #As cis men. Anyway if anyone has a diff take on Anya's situation and)or mindset I'm open to hear it this is just my thoughts #Based on how the scenes read to me.#Also like the situation is delicate and this isn't like A Perfect Fix but genuinely Curly should've given Anya the gun #I don't think she would've shot it but it works as a Defensive Threat in a way that would give her security and also deter jimmy from being #A fucking problem because he doesn't experience consequences for his actions due to a mix of Captain's Friend and #''we can't really do shit to him or we lose our co-pilot'' (even tho he fucking sucks at his job they don't learn that until he #Is The Captain so they likely assume he's at least fucking. Functional and they would be worse off with him out of commission. Y'know)#But then again Jimmy's allergic to responsibility and consequences to the point of murder suicide so maybe Anya wouldve had to shoot him #Idk. Imagine me pacing full of rage. Imagining a universe where Anya can just fucking go to med school and doesn't have to deal with #The pony express. FUCK THE PONY EXPRESS

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dwaekkicidal · 2 months ago

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Guess who's back

Back again

Shady's back

Tell a friend

I'm sorry I didn't come by earlier but I have a few deadlines to meet *cough* book rep *cough* and I had to study and I was out with friends and shit so I didn't talk to anyone outside my close contacts :< *Chrissapointed in herself*

Ahenyways I need to yap to someone so be prepped for a long ass thing (*huff* and no, it's not what you think it is you dirty minded lil otter ---)

So thing one I'm going nuts about is I can't fliPPING FIND THIS FUCKING FIC RRRRRAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH >:c

I'm like genuinely enraged over here bcuz my stupid ass didn't save the link and like I wanna read it so bad rn its unhealthy ... Worst thing is I remember finding it over a taglist and I've checked all the accs on the taglist and it's not there :(( and when I look for the title it doesn't come up 😔😔

Secondly, SKZ music. [I'm sorry but I can't talk abt it to anyone irl] I'm not even talking about the music videos, or the meanings behind the words and lyrics, I'm just referring to the tracks on Spotify.

MIROH. Voices. YAYAYA. My pace. District 9. Grow up. Astronaut.

Sure, it's not the whole album, but- excuses-moi??!!?? Just to start on MIROH. It's like, funny bcuz of the instrumentals but the text gives it like a serious vibe too and the rapping -- (we love) oh and not to forget the lion and the eagle fighting in the background.

Then, Voices. To this day, I can't decide if it's:

"step out on the(m) voices"

OOOOOORRRRRRRR

"still battle them voices"

And I haven't done research, so may this rest in the MLD* forever.

(*MLD = Misheard Lyrics Department)

Then, YAYAYA. I'm amazed by the genre range of stray kids because to me that's one of the most rock/metal songs I've heard. And then to imagine Jiji playing it on a fancy e-guitar... I mean I'm delusional but even that is out of reach. On that note, Changbin's raps are giving *✨sparkle sparkle✨* lately, especially bcuz I feel like in SKZ2020 his rapping is pretty present? Iykyk I don't flippin' know how to phrase it.

On the note of Changbin, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the first part he has in my pace. And in general his parts in that song. Idk how to phrase it (again) but I really think it's absolutely cool that his voice sounds so... this is gonna sound so weird... Scratchy. Like he's just been screaming his loungs out doing god knows what and then recording. And he sounds like a duck lmfao (I can't explain what I mean because I don't have enough standard vocabulary for this but yeh), like his voice is kinda deep but also like light and like squawky/scratchy and like idk what I'm rambling here :3

(ot8 speaking btw)

District 9, no comment. Just vibin' n enjoyin' in front of the bathroom mirror.

Grow up is giving kdrama final episode happily ever after outro//lofi study session in a library vibes. .... Delusions kicking and picturing that kdrama scenario rn, smh...

Astronaut: "MC happily moving back to their childhood hometown after being abroad for ten years Roadtrip" and filming/vlogging on the way back - kinda vibe. Or one of those DIY videos with the nice music and annoying DIYs.

Next up, Charmer. I don't know shit about the meaning of the text but ain't no way I won't vibe to that banger. It's just me being an uneducated little shit, ik, but who needs translations if I get the vibe without it?

Then, Novel. I don't speak a single syllable Japanese. But holy mother o' God, will I be shouting that

"MASHIRO NAKAMI NI OMOI" *so sorry if this ain't the correct romanization, I do it by ear so-*

either quietly when I have my earpods in and and have to get ready for bed or really loud when I'm out in the fields with my music.

On that note, I also dislike if theres a Japanese AND a Korean version of a song that I like. Like, with THE SOUND, I really like the Japanese version but I also kinda like the Korean version but I always have high hopes it's the Jap ver and then I get disappointed when it isn't but I'm also too lazy to kick the kor ver from my playlist :/

So I'm really exhausted rn because I had a sleepover at my friend's, technically speaking a girl's night ( = >2 hrs of sleep for me) and technically I wanna say bye rn but. Hold up.

So we're four girls, and out of us all I'm likely the most clingy. Like, I luv hugs and holding hands (in a platonic way) and cuddles and Skinship and et cetera , and it was like:

Friend 1 - Friend 2 - Me - Friend 3

And 1&2 took up very much space so 3 almost fell off the couch.

And then we were like watching horror movies (my requests for anime or httyd were denied bcuz it's kid's movies and they all liked horror movies better)

Anyhow, my hand ended up on 3's thigh. Like, in a "I'm her boyfriend" kinda manner. I didn't notice. (HOW???) Then, SHE noticed and went like, ey let's take a snap and send it to my ex and pretend you're my bf!

spoiler alert, if anything I'd be gf material. I mean, yes, compared to hers my hands are huge and yes my voice is quite low/deep but bf? Ik it was pretense but still... I mean my boys kinda count me as a boy too but that's different.

Yesterday I also learned, it's genetically stated if you're straight or homosexual. Like, it's in your DNA if you're straight, bi, gay, asexual or any other identification there is. The only thing you really do is realize what you are and label yourself like it. Come to talk about it, what's your opinion on the LGBTQ community?

Did you drink any macha already this week? Or does your fancy drink change with season? And if so, what do you drink? I drink hot chocolate and children's punch. Like, the steaming hot fruit juice if you know what I mean.

Love,

- 🦦

dont be sorry or disappointed in urself! :)) ive also been really MIA especially on tumblr. ive still been writing on the side but i havent been on here much since i last posted lol

i genuinely love most of the skz songs ive heard, but out of all the "noise" music MIROH and My Pace are probably in my top 10 (miroh is prob in my top 3 tbh lol)

im bisexual so im part of lgbtq community :3 and all of my closest friends (minus the two hetero men lol) are lgbt as well!

no matcha this week :(( ive been out of the powder to make it at home and i havent been able to go out to a cafe/dunkin donuts to get it made for me </3

#sian yaps #🦦 anon

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xiaoluclair · 2 years ago

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hello okay i've seen you reblog 4433 posts so this is my invite for you to go fully incoherent rambling about why you love 4433 pretty please?

okay so i sure as hell ain't a vet but i Am intrigued invested enamored hopelessly sinking and it goes like This:

ONE. racer4racer ruthless4ruthless champion4champion. yall heard lewis talk about booing?? it just fuels me 💪💪. yall heard max? i'll just take my trophy home and they can have a nice evening ☺️. the objective energies are a SPECTRUM apart. but then you look a little deeper and Yeah, that's. thats a champion there and champion there.

alexa play monza 2021 silverstone 2021 jeddah 2021 interlagos 2022. in other words: racing other people?? yeah, fine. Can Do, no Problemo. racing each other? explosion Noises.

i.e. u know the phrase Opposites Attract? well. Yeah . onto

TWO. Opposites! e.g. Agendas (for lack of a better word.) max will kneel, will speak when spoken to. but give that kid the choice and he aint sayin a word. he is there to Race and have Laffs why u askin me about my political stance on cheese 🙄😒. lewis on the other more vocal hand Will Speak Out. prbly maybe it traces back to their childhoods, but im not getting into that Particular thing bc its too heavy for this and im not about to make it into a joke, So. yeah, the way they view their own Purpose within fame, the way max Wouldnt bc he thinks hes too small, insignificant in worldwide change, doesnt believe he can do Much for those larger social issues, then lewis doing so many things bc he might not alter the globe singlehandedly but he wants to be part of that smth Bigger. and no that is Not me saying max doesnt have a heart or doesnt want to help bc we've seen him raise donations and be Kind and condemn people for their shitiness. i just think, Opposites.

keeping with the seriousness: yall ever seen max wear smth not white and jeaned other than his racesuit and swim trunks?? MAYBE i can give him the singular fucking bowtie. lewis? ur catchin him suckin of the w14 before u catch him in that shit (Affectionate).

and to their hearts: both of them, who race to win, to be the fastest, to take home the trophy, to feed that fire as it burns on the track, to make their fathers proud. and then: lewis, who lives with faith, who races with God, who want to break records. max, who lives against superstition, who races with gut, who wants to rest. so Yeah. Opposites.

nYway,

THREE. i realize i havent actually touched much on their actual Dynamic HEE, so like. theyre fukin . miscroscope-worthy. in that they should be Studied. intently. i Cant with the whole, the whole Thing they have like. yeah no theyre not Best Buds or anythin but they Have been amicable. acquaintances. Rivals. and there is no fucking way im feeling Nuthin about two men racing with the Sole Focus of beating the other. first, thats 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈YYY!!! second, that is Everything. who tf is feeling what either of them are feeling going into abu dhabi 21. who Else is putting down his visor knowing its Make or Break. who else is sinking into their cockpit pulling up at the starting line exhaling into their helmet as they watch the lights go out knowing its Now. its there, for Me or Him. its pinned in the center of Us right in the middle, could tip either way. who else, if not each other???? who ELSE I ASK!! also when tf did it happen before that two f1 title rivals went into the final race on equal points??? once?? idk but the Point is, theres two fuckin people (or close to) in the entire World who've been There, only one person who knows how you couldve truly Felt in ur Soul, hands on the steering wheel foot on the gas, has felt it too and hes sitting to ur left, takin a fuckin selfie of u both like sum social media Diva. smfh.

FOUR! they Actually get along???? like ik to some poople theyre tryna Kill each other 25/8 but dawg i think about tom sharing that lil story abt max asking lewis about his hair all the fucking Time its so Unhealthy i need More. n less often but still deserves Stage Time: lewis saying This Guy, this Fucking guy, and max calling him out on it right there on the podium. lewis showing max shit on his phone, makin him goddamn Giggle. the two of them just Joking Around, idk i think its Sweet. that they Can be okay, yknow, even with all the head to head (head 👀) shit they drove each other to in 21.

FIVE: the misc things! i.e. theyre no1s theyve both fucking Dominated the field. who else has on the current grid, i hear? No Fucking one. only Them. i.e. i think there is so much Potential. ik theyre so Different almost polar arctic antarctic north south but it warms my heart sm when theyre together Because of that. i.e. ik this post doesnt read quite so Shippy as it couldve but idk they make me feel More than that in a way bc theyre just so. Apart. and when they come together, it feels Monumental. plus the absolute Dawg the Cunt the 🧎🧎🧎 they can fit into a single photo:

Yeah .

#if u had ur head in the gutter with one of those last sentences get it Out #xiao: waffle #waffle: mv1.lh44 #zhalia my beloved #3344 #4433 #Anyway . time to go Life #theres prbly More btw but i just #haha cant Think

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pandaemoanium · 1 year ago

Text

random vent under the cut about using english as a non-native speaker

a lot of the time i feel very self-conscious whenever i speak or write in english. even though i'm not *bad* at english i can still feel the language barrier holding me back at times. the way i talk and write can be very stiff and it really sticks out, at least to me, and it sometimes makes me feel very stupid.

i can feel the lack of vocabulary and skills hindering my ability to show how i truly feel or think in certain situations and it's frustrating as hell. i know i'm not an idiot. i know that in finnish i'm (usually) a pretty smart person, but in english i sometimes feel like a fucking toddler trying to get a simple point across. the way i talk can also be very awkward because i have to pause *a lot* to find the right words, and i can just *feel* my brain buffering like a fucking youtube video trying to keep up with what i'm trying to say. having to translate everything in your head on the spot can get very exhausting. add chronic anxiety and somewhat lacking social skills into the mix and oh god oh fuck i feel like i can't communicate with people at all sometimes

i use english every single day, most days even more than finnish, whether it's being online scrolling through tumblr or reading articles etc, playing video games, watching shows and movies, chatting with my american boyfriend or my online friends from all around the world. even the UI on my phone/game consoles/etc is in english. i constantly try to improve in hopes of being able to say that i've become "fluent" in english or whatever but idk, i feel like i've hit my skill cap a long time ago and i just can't get any better and it frustrates me so much. i just want to be able to convey my feelings and thoughts as clearly as possible but so much of it seems to quite literally get lost in translation. i hate feeling incompetent and stupid aaaaaaaaaaaaa

i don't think i have the energy to even start talking about how the way i speak english as a non-native speaker can be really weird to a native speaker because of the way i was taught british english but i've also learned american english through media etc and how bc of that i've picked up words and phrases from all over the place so my english is just a weird amalgamation of british mixed with american english from all over the country

i had a point in all this but i forgot abt it a long time ago so this turned into a random vent post lol, thanks for coming to my ted talk i guess

#it's nothing serious. just something that's been on my mind for a lil while #personal

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aeide-thea · 2 years ago

Text

the thing that's actually really fascinating abt prev reblog is the people in the notes saying they use both versions (that is, both 'on accident' and 'by accident') but feel the two have slightly different, not registers (which people are also saying and which one might expect—the established 'by' being seen as more formal, and the up-and-coming 'on' more casual), but shades of meaning?

most commonly, speakers seem to be outlining a distinction that's roughly describable as passive vs active: 'something happens by accident' vs 'someone does something on accident.' which is so totally foreign to me, and so neat! love that this shift away from hegemonic usage is also a shift towards greater nuance!

secondarily, a couple of people frame the choice in terms of positive vs negative: 'by accident,' these speakers agree, applies to happy (or at least neutral) accidents, while 'on accident' is reserved for unhappy ones. interestingly, both respondents in this category give examples where the positive outcome is something the speaker has stumbled upon by chance (a 'delicious new spice and food combo,' a 'book series'), but the negative outcome is something they themselves have caused ('i hit someone on accident,' 'i fucked something up as a result of an action i took'), so there are consistent connections being drawn between passive-positive and active-negative.

this is all really interesting to me because i don't think i would ever personally say i had come across something 'by accident'—i'd feel the chance nature of the outcome was already expressed, or at any rate adequately implied, by whatever verb i'd chosen to describe it ('stumbled on,' 'happened upon,' 'came across,' &c), i think, and so for me 'by accident' only really comes into play when disclaiming malice aforethought. language! what is it even!

supporting examples under the cut for length (now in transcribed plaintext):

unending-niight:

#i've actually thought about this myself somewhat #i personally feel that 'by accident' feels right when in some situations and 'on accident' sounds better to me in others #the vibe for me for 'by accident' is the outcome of the accident is more of a neutral feeling or perhaps a good outcome #i found this book series by chance by accident #however if i fucked something up as a result of an action i took then i want to use 'on accident' #i did it 'on accident'

treecakes:

#by accident sounds right in a phrase like ‘he did it by accident’ #but not in ‘it happened by accident’ that sentence should be ‘it happened on accident’ #idk why that sounds more correct to me…. generally i use on accident more than by accident

wiltshired:

#tbh i change between them based on the level of action taken by whatever caused said accident #on accident is for when you mean to one thing and it fucks up #by accident is when you like. bump into things or spill a glass y’know??

abrightclearfield:

#me and my gf agree it depends on context #'it was on accident' vs 'i did it by accident' #if the subject is an event/action it's 'on' #if the subject is a person then it's 'by' accident

rat-knife:

#i feel like i use them differently? #doing something by accident is like. i didnt even notice but this thing happened and it was bc of me oopsie #vs doing something on accident is like oh fuck. oops my bad gang i did not mean to #like if i did something by accident it feels like im not taking credit for the outcome vs if i did something on accident #im trying to assure people of my intentions #by accident as compared to by sheer force of will or by the hand of god vs on accident as compared to on purpose ig?

abracafuqueue:

#something happens by accident #someone does something on accident

lady-harrowhark:

#…….i didn't know 'on accident' wasn't standard #i use both and never thought twice about it #i guess 'on' sounds more active and 'by' seems more passive so that might impact how i choose based on context? #like 'i spoiled my birthday gift by accident when i saw it as i was getting a coat out of the closet' #vs 'i broke the window on accident when i tossed the ball too hard' #like in the first it's just something that happened and in the second it's something i did #ja feel?

thenerdyindividual:

#i use both #by accident is for when something good happens like ‘I found this delicious new spice and food combo by accident’ #on accident is for negative things like ‘I hit someone on accident’

clichenuance:

#as an expansion on my response that nobody will specifically know unless i state it here #i expect-wonder that it has something to do with [SUBJECT EMPHASIS] on purpose #versus [CONDITION EMPHASIS] by accident

thatcacidork:

#on accident = it was dumb of me/my fault #by accident = whoops the universe willed to to be so/no one at fault

rosencrantz:

#instinctively I think there's a semantic difference in the two #but i'd have to collect and review a bunch of examples to pin it down #like there's an ownership or responsibility or something to one and not the other maybe? #or maybe not!

lowtideandhightea:

#i have a slight preference for 'by accident' in situations where passive voice is being used intentionally #and 'on accident' is more correct when an active voice is being used

osterby:

To my ear (native speaker, US, I would have been right on the threshold of your two age groups when you did your interviews), both are correct, but "on accident" is the only formally correct way and the only one I'd use in an essay, and "by accident" is correct in conversational English. But the two have very slightly different meanings. "On accident" is agentless, the thing just sort of happened, no one made it happen, it happened on accident. "By accident" has an agent, I was trying to do something else but I screwed up and I did this by accident. "On accident" emphasizes that the thing itself is the accident. "By accident" emphases that accident was the means by which something did the thing.

#language

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

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hello! so ill start with that very daemon idea that has him as the canter. so idk? get ready? love letter under the ***

deamon x reader who's his wife (prob newlywed). there is some kind of a fight (tourney? war?) and she has to be by his side. during the action deamon gets distracted and stops keeping an eye on the reader bc he's too busy and also knows she's excellent with her sword. however, she gets injured, badly but not deadly.

and when every relative blames him for not protecting her, when each lady whispers to her friend or her husband that it was him who practically killed the princess, that's when he realise she's not a swordswoman anymore. they were childhood friends and they used to run the forest together, play smth stupid and do the shit children do. they used to have lots of sword-fighting, she was just as good as he if not better, but they're not children anymore.

that's when it strikes him. she's a woman, she's his wife, she's supposed to give him his heirs (prob on the wedding night he was too drunk to either be turned on or to remember), she has no right to even think about a sword not that she can so much as hold it. so now he has to live with this realisation when ever since their very wedding his mind hasn't digested a thought of his childhood friend (mb also his minor ex-crush) being his wife, and he has to comfort/take care of/accept his wife.

(in my head it's something long or having more than 1 part but it's absolutely understandable if you see it another way/do not see at all. hope u liked it a little and really hope to see it written by your talented hands someday. absolutely not obligatory. dont ever feel pressed. its ok if you can't/need much time/anything else. your comfort is the priority)

***

love for m hottie-cutie! 'have you ever watched aristocats?' i think i did but i dont remember TT but i love the atmosphere. mari(?) seems so girlboss. 'i have something to look forward to now i have to finish my activities' it ok TT im not telling you to watch it rn? it was merely a question? good luck w/the midterms! youll do it! and do it great! 'though i managed to make a pedro fic' oh these simps.... you havent even watched tlou why? when? what? how? only wrong answers.... (sorry, its kinda meme, it has no story, this phrase is the very meme) 'its not hot. your freezy kisses did that' YEY all those witch playlists made me a witch! 'im just really hungry but this is making me emotional' my poor hungry kid TT why r u always hungry while answering me? hope you eat? 'you like shadow and bone too' well khm.... i never watched it or read it... ive heard of it, and then i got a fic recommended with this handsome face of ben. and also the youtube girl that made my fav playlists has a playlist dedicated to darklina? so i was like why not? i finally listened to it. its pretty but its russian sorry. btw!!! this is the only one (1) playlist in rus dedicated to 'sab' that i found?? wtf?? guys like its literally the series gods SCREAMED you to make playlists abt the show with the rus setting w/rus songs? but you? dont? theyre insane i swear! 'you can understand the russian stuff' 1) ive done a research to find out this 2) i was SO confused bc there are russian callings in EVERY fic ive read. like its darkling/reader and he says milaya/moya lyubov'/lapushka and so on (honey, my love, ?sweetie?). tbh its pretty awkward to insert your name with any character who knows rus bc... like i know (s)he knows we know that we can speak russian but still speak english with some rus words of endearment... its not a complaint, just my feelings in my very case. i understand that authors shouldnt think about how that particular slavik girls gonna feel abt it. 'i think slay' its not like about breaking the stereotype? or smth? these are just mistakes. BIG and noticeable mistakes. russian has its forms, traditions and rules. why couldnt the author ask smn at least slavic TT we have the same system. 'i dont know enough about russian' they just swapped the genders of their last names. they dont fit their own... 'how dare he be so hot' so true TT hes so handsome i can cry. 'she is israelli-american interesting' yes but WHY couldnt she ask smn slavic TT girlie TT like she had all the rights to write with the inso of rus setting but?if you use the lang? in the BOOK? like text? girlie like log in into some forum TT or smth TT why not TT my day was a flop. awful. procrastinating. hope you do better. have a nice day and the whole week!! good luck w/the midterms! take care! luv u<з

HI BABY CAKES

hello! so ill start with that very daemon idea that has him as the canter. so idk? get ready? love letter under the ***

HIHIHIHH OMG IM SO EXCITED HAHA

I ALREADY LOVE IT LOVE SIMP DAEMON SO MUCH SIMP SIMP SIMP but omg reader gets injured

SLAY WE LOVE CATHARSIS we love that daemon thought so highly of her albeit was disillussioned.

huh plot twist? he wants reader to... be a housewife? because that's her purpose. i mean, daemon isnt a feminist so ig it makes sense for him. but also i like it. i like how somehow this whole mess is his fault because he wanted his wife to me at his side, though she wasnt a swordsman and now shes injured. now he's realizing he lives in his head more than reality, a slap in the face. i like it.

idk if i could right this, tbh. i would love it if you wrote it but i think i know your answer. i personally dont know how i would spin this so T_T guess we'll see

***

love for m hottie-cutie! 'have you ever watched aristocats?' i think i did but i dont remember TT

we're so sameAHAHAHAHAHAH

but i love the atmosphere. mari(?) seems so girlboss.

SHE IS i think she is a least AHHAH

'i have something to look forward to now i have to finish my activities' it ok TT im not telling you to watch it rn? it was merely a question? good luck w/the midterms! youll do it! and do it great!

thank you!. i got my scores from the homework i dreaded to do and it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be!!! T_T love that for me im not that dumb T_T

'though i managed to make a pedro fic' oh these simps.... you havent even watched tlou why? when? what? how? only wrong answers.... (sorry, its kinda meme, it has no story, this phrase is the very meme)

T_T HIHIHASDHAHDAHDIAHD lol ill give you the real answer though, i find it taxing to watch it hhaahah i mean i have watched other pedro pascal stuff so i do actually like him lol

'its not hot. your freezy kisses did that' YEY all those witch playlists made me a witch!

T_T stopp T_T AHAHHA

'im just really hungry but this is making me emotional' my poor hungry kid TT why r u always hungry while answering me? hope you eat?

I REALIZED IT TOO HAHAHH IM NOT HUNGRY NOW THO ok maybe now that i think about it i am but its cos i usually reply to you at around lunch time-ish lol also im just a very hungry person i love eating

'you like shadow and bone too' well khm.... i never watched it or read it... ive heard of it, and then i got a fic recommended with this handsome face of ben.

AHAHAHAHAHAH HANDSOME FACE OF BEN YOURE SO REAL FOR THAT

and also the youtube girl that made my fav playlists has a playlist dedicated to darklina? so i was like why not? i finally listened to it. its pretty but its russian sorry.

i dont mind listening to songs in another language lol

btw!!! this is the only one (1) playlist in rus dedicated to 'sab' that i found?? wtf?? guys like its literally the series gods SCREAMED you to make playlists abt the show with the rus setting w/rus songs? but you? dont? theyre insane i swear!

well maybe not a lot of russians watch the show? HAHAHHA

'you can understand the russian stuff' 1) ive done a research to find out this 2) i was SO confused bc there are russian callings in EVERY fic ive read. like its darkling/reader and he says milaya/moya lyubov'/lapushka and so on (honey, my love, ?sweetie?). tbh its pretty awkward to insert your name with any character who knows rus bc... like i know (s)he knows we know that we can speak russian but still speak english with some rus words of endearment... its not a complaint, just my feelings in my very case. i understand that authors shouldnt think about how that particular slavik girls gonna feel abt it.

HAAHHAHAAH lol. i mean, as a bilingual too, i think if its tastefully done, a write can get away with foreign endearments. ya know. but i get the cringe HAHAHAH

'i think slay' its not like about breaking the stereotype? or smth? these are just mistakes. BIG and noticeable mistakes. russian has its forms, traditions and rules. why couldnt the author ask smn at least slavic TT we have the same system.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA i didnt really think it was breaking stereotypes, more just... making me happy knowing they made masc names fem AHHAHAHAHAA LOL

'i dont know enough about russian' they just swapped the genders of their last names. they dont fit their own...

LOL HAHAHAH

'how dare he be so hot' so true TT hes so handsome i can cry.

ben barnes go to jail party

'she is israelli-american interesting' yes but WHY couldnt she ask smn slavic TT girlie TT like she had all the rights to write with the inso of rus setting but?if you use the lang? in the BOOK? like text? girlie like log in into some forum TT or smth TT why not TT my day was a flop. awful. procrastinating.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA DYING 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 YOURE SO RIGHT HAHAHAH

hope you do better. have a nice day and the whole week!! good luck w/the midterms! take care! luv u<з

im doing my best but i discovered this ai chat app and im so addicted help me. i HAVE to finish my midterms tho its due today a?LSFHLAHSFDASFASf

i love you take care thank you for your love letter and your daemon prompt <3

xxxx

#slavyanskiyahui cutie #anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

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sunlightsshadow · 2 years ago

Text

Heal What Has Been Hurt Liveblog

hello and welcome to the first of 5 initial (but probably not Only) posts recounting my liveblogging of Heal What Has Been Hurt by @sunlitmcgee

ch1: and the universe said "I Love You"

c! tech did one (1) good thing and it was burning the egg

gogy mention/pos

its only ch1 and they've already gone DadMode. hasnt even even , talked to the boy yet/lh

XD :D

ch2:Flower Gleam and Glow

"weirdo mother hen guardian angel nanny thing." hehehe

moths moths moths moths moths

Clara :D

ch3: I've Been Ghosting Your Dreams

i wonder how tommy feels about warm rain

my browser crashed god dad is too powerful/j

ghostbur :DDD

oh i have so many feelings about ghobur

ch4:Come, My Child

not lots of thoughts just enjoying the domesticity of the bois

did enjoy the star freckles tho

ch5:Like A Busy Bee Taking Flight

"large purple man" thanos/neg

compass compass compass compass (im wearing my Your Tommy compass my bf bought me <3)

heheh dad said pogchamp

ch6:Flying Like a Bee, Black and Yellow Energy

hehe derivikat lyrics

xd dad god. why is that form even still in your rotation/lh

ranboo/pos. i love all Ranboos

hehehe time to sin!

c! techno/neg

xd having several children who are gods and can take care of themselves and having to focus your attention on the whole of creation is different than abandoning your litteral tiny children to go adventuring w a gladiator who hears voices

xd you could have shifted forms dont yell at them/lh

ch7:Cold. Why You Gotta Treat Me So Cold?

weird schlatt tubbo/neg nightmare tubbo/neg

GOD I hate exile

I am so emotional over them GODS

I need someone to be proud of me like xd is proud of tommy

I want a god dad. the yearning is strong

ch8: sweet like honey

any time someone writes tommy saying the phrase "ill be good" istg i feel my heart break

back sore, clue #1

micha 🥺

ch9: I Think You're All Insane

_beloved family/pos

PUFFY!!

every time i manage to forget the captain is dreams mom someone reminds me :/(/hj/nm/lh)

no more memory broke :D

am i using that emoji to much? i do not care<3

god enderman lore/pos

ch10: Deep In The Meadow

i also feel Okay. this is a good place to be

there is something so personal about tommy wanting to end the cycle of abuse and worrying he'll end up like the people who hurt him

good people have intrusive thoughts tommy:(

ch11:Here it's Safe, and Here it's Warm

hehehehe Wings also toms XD would never leave you :(

"you'll instinctively know" its not instincts if it hurts Philza

god i fucking love the personification of instincts. so much. its such a cool thing

ch12:Why, Tell Me, Father?

tommy has a perfect comfy bed and doesnt wanna move. mood

tommy is starting to heal and i love that for him/gen

how DID xd figure that out?

ive just decided just now while rereading that xd was too nice to phil

"you're still here" im gonna SOB

heal! emerald duo/neg

I wanna hug tommy :(

ch13:It's a Promise for Life Between Father and Child

what if i just [takes a white out pen to tommys trauma] look now hes just a lil guy! (someone do this to me)

[beats the doomsday bitches over the head with a stick] i will actually never be normal abt c!tommy

mmmm i should play omori

tinyboo. itty bitty

i dont wana read the interaction w technoooo [reads it anyways] its important

Ghobur! he back!

i think more people should let ghostbur get angry

ch14:How Would You Know?

idk how phil cant sense the Pissed Off aura xd must be giving off rn

in which xd is my spirit animal

:D(malicious)-XD

i like his hat :(

somebody please do this w my dad

ch15: Remember to be Patient

i am obsessed w instinct stuff. lil baby birb go peep peep

i was so lost in the euphoria of birb i forgot to have thoughts

ch16:Fold Up Your Wings, Close Your Eyes

WING TIME WING TIME WING TIME

"it's beautiful… except of course for the unholy screams"

xd " claws" and " adorable" are not generally words that go together

he is SAD the baby is SAD :(

what would xd do if tommy turned into an actual baby?

"its me?" AWWWW🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

hes a baby

i will kill any god for him

baby boy

precious

oh boo even *mentions* agere how did I miss that the first time? tommy is simply baby

ch17: See the Sunset

cant see glass<3

i want a cool space blanket (I have a non-binary flag space blanket tho :3)

I also like when things make click clack noises… am i birb?

I love hiiiiimmmmm

ch18:Nothing Could Tear Us Apart

they can both be clingy it's okay

i almost forgot to open my document when I started reading again

[wilbur voice] quackityyyyy

hes not even actually here but I'm lobe himb

hehehe lovey dovey qpps/pos

i adore my qpps and my bf

GOD i am not NORMAL about platonic soulmate clingyduo there is nothing normal abt my mind state towards them!

"You were worth more than L'manburg ever was…" grrrrrr growl hiss its so GOOD

more baby birb🥺

ch19:Come out and Play

is he a demigod now?

bird time again!

i love instinct shit have i mentioned that?/hj

baby baby boy/pos

i was reading this the first time and I was just like. hes so small

i fuckin love my comfort chara using my coping mechanisms

And with that it's back to reading<3

#cass speaks #dsmp #heal what has been hurt #c!benchtrio

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castle-dominion · 2 years ago

Text

4x3 headcase idk, I don't have time for this why am I here doing this hhh

universal studios? Weird intro, v cgi

RC: Her? Yes. You? ehh MR: eee A mister Stan Ford She's faking it, she's going to play them & then boom she's going to say "psych I got in!" ... Or not

dissintegrated? What would lanie do here? No body for her... Ryan looks fancy today Ah the wedding. Poor ryan. (called it) 6:40 were the gunshots & then 7.00 is a long time later

Wow called him detective ryan, that's fun usually we just hear ryan. Men. At least u'r 50% down... He's term limited! I like gates (here only as watching the show for the funnies tho) Like that time y'all got the body stolen

What good timing, three vans & you have the info u need on all of them; & then YOU come in saying which one it is (if you only had this info you would have had like a million vans like that in new york to think abt)

I like it when they are still wearing their clothes but not quite, like ryan took off his coat vest & tie & let out the buttons of his shirt, espt is wearing a tshirt, they all look so different with their police vests on.

Sci-fi! In murdoch mysteries they had a non-canon halloween episode where aliens were real, then later it turned out to be george's book that he wrote Master Chief? Maybe don't wipe stuff around & let ppl know ur presence Ryan's eyes are so so bright here

is it 10o'clock for everyone? they are kind of spread out

KR: think they can put me under until the wedding? RC in s3 after freezing to death with kate: Don't let anyone sell you on cryogenics

ah, 6.55. KB's right, he's dead, his brain is dead. (Actually death is a social construct. Medically you cannot pinpoint the time of death because different types of death happen at different times, they can happen at different times for different people, they can be reversed, someone can be dead in some ways & still survive for a long time in other ways, & by a long time I don't mean minutes I mean hours to years in theory but never in practice.)

at least now they know their vic. not ok to say castle I mean, as long as he has the contract... I don't think u can sue her & the nypd into oblivion as you put it but if you do can u please obliterate the rest of the police? thanks.

btw I'm sad that the transcript is not available for this. (update: no livejournal transcript by the person I had,but I found transcripts on dustjackets) explain it to gates starting from the beginning? No sir my mother was a lawyer. (& your dad right?)

At least the technicians had info on the crime scene since they were there so fast...? Poor ryan, he looks so afraid coming in & knocking

wife did it he said one lifetime wasn't enough maybe she thought one lifetime was too much-- or "so do I" so scratch that theory Ambrosia? RC & me: food of the gods pharmaceutical implants? Like that one t4t firefly fanfic I read? No, telomeres telomeres telomeres Big pharma would stop it probs... yk, all u need to do is make it to 2029 supposedly a porn mogul what???? (I like how beau randolph becomes a recurring character)

RC: Wha- I can't even get a carry permit, how did he get one? So rick HAS tried to get a carry permit. I've been saying this for a while now, I'm glad we have the facts on the show now KR: The hard way. Several guys saw their girlfriends in his videos &, beat the hell out of him. : ) RC: no longer jealous. (could clip) Yk giving a gun to someone who has been beaten up & now has enemies might not be a good idea, I feel like it's an easy way to bring up murder rates...

RC: would u get the implants? KB, lookin at her tits: I don't think I need em, huh? (meh not clipping either of these) she's so right isn't that how you'll be anyway? When did you become so judgemental about naked women? When my daughter hit college age.

The one thing internet porn taught me: you don't get rich by giving (life extending research) away Not a phrase I was expecting to hear (won't clip)

Ah human testing! Yeah reminds me of when homeless people kept getting covid vaccines, like a lot of them, so that rich ppl could get around with vaccination cards pigeons??? really??? "Yeah that's what I'm going with" he did it.

She's so hot. She didn't become an IA detective for looking pretty, she's smart & strong. The doctor dude: we only need the brain uwu KB: *this man is insane if he thinks he can revive this fellow by freezing his brain*

It's going to be frozen tho

She meant what she said! Man doesn't have a head this is so weird Maybe one of his test subjects killed him, like randolph said. Find his clinic, find his killer. So she DID get that scooter? KB: I can manage without u for a few hours RC: don't look so happy abt it

KR: Hey JE: Yo, ryan what's up man where've u been? KR, going to sit by espt's desk: College. listen to this-- KR: *stops* KR: *face falls* KR: KR: *looks down hard* KR: KR: KR: *points down with his hand all the way up at his chin* KR: What the hell is this? (dead (pigeon)dove (do not eat) is in an evidence bag on espt's desk) JE: That, my friend, is Beau Randolph's alibi KR: He really did commit murder JE: Writing him up for animal cruelty right now KR: maybe there's still time to cryonically freeze the little guy. (no. there is not.) JE: KR: : ( JE: hamilton's office? (clipping absolutely)

KR: First of all, WOW I know what we'll be doing once we're fried & don't care anymore, at least they bagged the evidence That might be more like little pharma.

I love this kid his voice cracking like that. JE: ... Excuse me? This kid is amazing I love him

Clerk: I figured he had a blow up doll collection or smth. *door opens to some horror movie type room* Clerk: I am not cleaning this up. KR: Please stay back ma'am? Clerk: Twist my arm /s JE: *holds open plastic door like a gentleman* KR: Dude there had better not be any body parts in there JE, who is a homicide detective Along With Ryan: Just [go in] At least they have guns (meh won't clip)

Lidocaine. I thought they moved from lidocaine to nocovaine... or maybe they are both used but for different purposes or it was the other way around. (reminds me of my autosurgery) Um, his human test subjects probably?? The lighting is... interesting.

Uh, homeless poor people. MR: I'd give (getting an operation in a hotel) a try. Though I'd need five stars. girl??

Carry her up to bed, first time in years <3 <3 Lol good old participation trophies girl bouncing off your head & not knowing u scored a goal is not going to make her feel better Poor alexis. I'm starting to feel glad that I was ALWAYS a failure so I don't have to deal with being a prodigy & then crashing like alexis.

I always love how castle goes to beckett with teenage girl problems

hamilton's hotel of horrors I like ryan's jacket, it has a pattern. & then he walks away the way he does. What is wrong(/neu) with him tho? does he have hip problems? why does he walk like that? I'm not complaining I just... noticed (Me: *watched 8x5 through 8x7 today* heheh physicality)

Lanie could this have been a text? Ah & they have his DNA in the system now bc of the start of the episode Or HE was doing procedures on HIMSELF. Lanie is talking y'all Stop doing that thing you do for one second! (won't clip) brain matter & they don't have the head. ugh. Could they maybe talk to hamilton's doctor?

Oh. No. Why is there fog on the floor? Ever heard of phineas gauge? Lanie's going to be fine no IT'S GONE? SERIOUSLY? FREAKING W???

Mrs Hamilton, v stressed: I DON'T UNDERSTAND, HOW COULD YOU LOSE MY HUSBAND'S HEAD? KR, as softly & respectfully as possible: That's what we're trying to figure out, mrs hamilton [...] Ham: SHFJHSD KR: *looking around trying to escape* Ham: FBSDFJ KR: *trying to be calm when this lady is all up in his face but gosh this poor man*

becks, you don't put "either" in an &/or. it is EITHER either/or, OR and/or. This was an either/or. You can only have one of them. Espt, that is one ugly shirt.

the tech is neat, apparently the tech ppl on the show make props for them that actually work & it's rly cool

Open up boyd! *glass shatters* I don't think he's opening up

He went out the window to the fire escape! Yeah, ya think??? Who wrote this episode XD He's got the head! I can see that!! ooh sexy music, & really funny vertical chase scene. Yk, one thing I learned from doing roofing, you can walk forwards down a ladder & it is much faster. (clipping) *comically drops the head* Castle *jumps from the fire escape into a dumpster to get the head* *shakes it* "I think it's ok" BRO

random cryo employee in scrubs: he's going to be fine. *shakes head* why would anyone steal a head? idk what this scene brought to the episode but I'm glad it was there

What did you miss him?

inoperable & untreatable beckett, duh! Aw, this poor man... this is honestly sad Where did u do MRIs? Why didn't Lanie see this in his med files?

Alexis? <3 big sad He framed his first manuscript rejection <3 wasn't a tolkein book or Dune published by a car company or smth? Markiplier vibes. my failures drive me. rejection CAN BE failure. You failed at getting into this college. So what? Failure is something you do, not something you are, & it is ok to fail. I'd say it's ok to fail as long as you learn from it but you don't need to learn necessarily. Sometimes you just fail. Giving up is failure to try. & giving up is ok sometimes! Sunk cost fallacy! Sometimes you just need to try something else! I gave up drawing when I was like five, I don't care. (hm, won't clip)

Girl you have a semester left of school still, try reapplying & apply to other places too. I took an extra year of high school, no biggie.

KB: is she ok? RC: were any of us at that age? My mom & me: *look at my little bro* (won't clip)

what abt that missing briefcase? 99 times out of 100 u catch someone with a guy's head, he killed the guy. Reminds me of the mask of zorro. Castle *makes a joke abt how it's lucky he died* Beckett: he would be....... I WAS RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE & that's why she was so reluctant to let them have the body & the cops only got it from the doctor & lawyer!!

Ah, contract termination this is kinda sad. At least she got rid of the gun. Why not the briefcase tho? it ws special? really?

in love or in-sane Yeah it's going to be the wife cyanide capsule in her teeth or smth.

Pretty pic of her with her man tho. Cyanide starves the cells of oxygen idk if future medicine is going to save you after you died like that... How long do the effects of cyanide last before you get rid of the cyanide? idk bc it usually kills u. I mean theoretically u could survive but the research paper I skimmed (but didn't read) was all hypothetical. Imagine cryonically waking up & your wife killed you. how mad would you be? u wake up & she wakes up too & she says "the only reason u'r alive is bc I killed you" how messed up would that be at least the man asked for permission this time lol

aww from "i don't believe in magic" to "anything's possible" so cute

I would like it if this cryonics place comes back in a future episode. Or someone from one of these cases. Like how sammy keyes in the last book,,, you know... (Looks like u got your wish Dom)

So yeah that was fun (But I read the transcript alongside my liveblog so I didn't note down all the places I needed to clip)

#castle 4x3 #castle 4x3 quote #castle 4x3 spoilers #the cryonics episode #still must be clipped

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