#god i'm really bad at keeping this up to date
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noemitenshi · 1 year ago
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Masterlist
Here you'll find all the things I create (all type of fics, gifs, metas), conveniently collected in one place. So far I'm obsessed with Cursed and Fear the Walking Dead (which has one common theme, Daniel Sharman). Enjoy 🧡
Fear the Walking Dead
Fanfiction
Troy Otto
Ghost 2,126 words, WIP, angst, sad, exploration of Troy's headspace immediately after the last scene we see him at the dam, what did surviving this do to him?
Troy Otto x Alicia Clark
s8 AU Troy Otto x Alicia Clark, no official wordcount, WIP, angst and fluff, What if Alicia were Troy's wife instead of Serena
[Series] Sick like you [01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05] Troy Otto x Alicia Clark, 9,850 words, finished, smut, so much smut, slight dub-con, D/s undertones, part one is canon compliant, Alicia is done being the good kid, but then she feels bad about it, cheating, enemies to lovers, unhealthy to healthy relationship
Troy Otto x Crazy Dog (Lee) || Troy Otto & Crazy Dog (Lee)
Addicted to mess Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 185,730 words, WIP, (lots and lots of) smut, fluff, angst, wholesome, enemies to enemies with benefits to lovers, watch them turn an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one , also have I said smut yet?
Fool me twice Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 33,449 words, finished, smut, dub con, unhealthy relationship, Troy Otto has a deathwish, Crazy Dog takes advantage
Just around the corner Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 4,185 words, WIP, fluff, AU - no zombies, In a world without zombies Troy finds a different purpose
Love, endless Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 1,029, finished (for now), unhealthy relationship, angst, dark, tragedy, COMIC
Moonlit Kisses Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 32,750 words, finished, fluff, wholesome, sweet, first kiss, first time, smut, canon divergent, teeny bit of angst, some whump
Paint your body in hues of red Troy Otto x Crazy Dog x OC, 1,933 words, finished, smut, fluff, established relationship, wax play, facesitting
Sex Worker AU Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, no official word count, no WIP and not finished but a secret third thing (idea I had I'll probably never write), AU - no zombies, Troy sells the ranch after his father dies and decides to have some fun, includes but not limited to hiring a sex worker (Lee), client to friend to lover, imagine
Soup Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 696 words, finished, fluff, Troy loves soup
Surprise Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 625 words, finished, fluff, Troy has a surprise for Crazy Dog
[Series] The easy part is always hardest to see [01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 04 (alternative version) - 05 - 06] Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 42,204 words, finished, smut, teeny bit of dub-con, a lot of fluff, some angst, pining, whump, enemies to friends to lovers
[Series] The melody of sand and waves and hope and schemes Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 2,629 words, finished (for now?), AU - Royalty, arranged marriage, fluff, cute, pre-relationship, Princess Troy series
The monster that brought me here Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 28,323 words, WIP, dark, angst, hurt, little comfort, sad, Troy is dealing with the trauma of having been raped, Crazy Dog has his own trauma to work through, canon divergent, second part of a series, fallout from 'I'd do it all again'
The moon bathes your face in gentle light no official wordcount, finished (for now) Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, angst, fluff, Troy survives s8, saves Tracy and runs into a familiar face - the two former enemies bond over their similar grief
This insanity you give to me Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 29,551 words, finished, smut, fluff, teeny bit of angst, instead of avoiding Crazy Dog after their initial encounter in 'Addicted to mess' Troy seeks him out. After all, that asshole can't just do things like that to him and then leave, spin-off of 'Addicted to mess'
What's it gonna be, Troy? Troy Otto & Crazy Dog, 8,146 words, finished, oneshot, soulmate AU, angst, fluff, pre-relationship, enemies to friends (soulmates)
You're the sin that I've been waiting for, Troy Otto x Crazy Dog, 19,450 words, WIP, fool me twice... spinoff (fluffier version), angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, Troy and Crazy Dog have been playing a dangerous game with Troy's life. A game neither one is able to (or wants to) put an end to. But maybe they can change it
 At least in this version
Troy Otto & Jake Otto
Cozy 353 words, finished, angst, some fluff, what was running through Troy's mind during the hug with Jake in s3ep9 (right before he was exiled)
Troy Otto & Madison Clark
Moral Compass no official word count, no WIP and not finished but a secret third thing (idea I had I'll probably never write), a stab at deepening Troy's and Madison's relationship (really just the beginning of it), a mututal madness
What should've been - Troy's revenge 1,242, finished, angst, hurt, some comfort I guess, fix-it I guess, how s8ep11 should've gone
When home becomes a strange place Troy Otto & Madison Clark, 3,370 words, finished, fix-it, hopeful ending, bittersweet, what would it take for Madison to actually start caring about Troy
Troy Otto x Nick Clark || Troy Otto & Nick Clark
I'd do it all again Troy Otto x Nick Clark, 10,185 words, finished, dark, angst, hurt no comfort, non-con (rape), suicide, not a happy story, what if things at the dam went a bit different - and how will they live with the consequences of their actions?
Sketch Troy Otto & Nick Clark, 337 words, finished, angst, hopeful?, fix-it?
That Crazy Bastard Troy Otto & Nick Clark, 728 words, finished, fluff, Troy had been vanishing for over a week now, refusing to tell Nick what he was up to. Until today
Troy Otto x Crazy Dog X OC
I can't stop imagining hurting you Troy Otto x Crazy Dog x OC, 9,424 words, finished, smutt, fluff, Troy gets introduced to the concept of spanking
Lost & Found Troy Otto x Crazy Dog x OC, 32,554 words, WIP, fluff, angst, Troy Otto being saved after the dam, finding his way back to himself, fast-burn, 'Addicted to mess' chapters 1 and 2 happened in this universe too, rest of s3 happened as in canon
No title Troy Otto x Crazy Dog x OC, no official word count, snippet, fluff, angst, abusive!serena backstory
Troy Otto x OC
Earn your keep 131,622 words, WIP, Troy gets a redemption arc, major character death (happens in the first chapter), Troy Otto centric, slow burn, grudging allies to friends to lovers, angst, fluff
Follow me (down the streams of sweat on your body) Troy Otto x unnamed female (could be reader, could be author, could be OC, could even be someone from canon), 5,612 words, finished, smut, slight D/s undertones, bondage, aftercare, fluff, praise kink
Kept 14,893 words, WIP, dub-con, past sexual abuse, AU - no Clarks, dark, angst, suicidal thoughts, bad BDSM etiquette, unhealthy relationship, slow burn to a better place, two broken people trying to figure things out between them, will get worse before it gets better
Unlovable no official wordcount, finished, more an imagine than a fic, angst and fluff, some smut, Troy's girlfriend finds a certain jacket in his closet. She proceeds to show him just how lovable he truly is
Troy Otto & his parents (Jeremiah Otto, Tracy Otto)
Childhood memories 2,084 words, WIP, angst, hurt, dark, child abuse, a study of Troy's childhood, his mother's complicated feelings, what happened with the rabbits
Troy Otto & Tracy Otto (daughter)
Reunion no official wordcount, Imagine, finished, angst, fluff, Troy survived s8 and rescues his daughter
Lark or And silently loom the shadows of my past Troy Otto & Tracy Otto, Troy Otto & Madison Clark, 2,148 words, finished, angst, hurt, some fluff, Troy's daughter loves to cause mischief - but this time she may have just gone too far
Gifs&Lyrics
I will do it again
Who are you to say that?
Asks & Metas
Jake Otto
Jake Otto as a Brother
even more
Troy Otto
...and Boundaries
...and the Horde some more thoughts on his headspace during that moment
...as a father
Favorite Troy scene(s) and why
'I don't drink'
'I'd do it all again'
...in a relationship
...in love
...being hit on
'It's the first time I've felt fear'
On killing Mike
Post s8 thoughts
Troy and Madison
Troy's feelings in his last moments (s3)
Troy's sexuality and more on his sexuality
Virgin Troy
Why Troy didn't get poisoned like the other Militia members
'You stayed at the ranch because you love me'
Cursed
Fanfiction
Empty ways can cloud your eyes The Weeping Monk x Reader, 20,268 words, WIP (though ch 11 is a good place to end things), redemption arc, crisis of faith, friends to lovers, fluff and angst, whump
Madness is a narrow bridge The Weeping Monk, finished, oneshot, angst, dark, no comfort, a heartbreaking glimpse into the weeping monk's mind while he hunts his own
Gifs&Lyrics
The Weeping Monk & Squirrel, AOV by Slipknot
The Weeping Monk & Gawain, Custer by Slipknot
The Weeping Monk & his faith (i guess), Broken Crown by Mumford and Sons
The Weeping Monk & his guilt, Lech by Slipknot
The Weeping Monk & his doubts, The burden by Slipknot
The Weeping Monk & Father Carden, The In-between by In This Moment
Daniel Sharman (rpf)
Fanfiction
You're not really my type~ Daniel Sharman x OC, no official wordcount, WIP, smut, fluff, angst, my kinktober contribution, daniel meets a woman who may be more than he bargained for, sub!daniel
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welcometogrouchland · 10 hours ago
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Noticing that TV and film will often have a character either have had an abortion in the past that isn't showcased on screen (and just used as part of the character's ~fucked up and twisted backstory~) OR contemplate getting an abortion in the present day but not to through with it. Just once I want to see someone delete that fetus within the events of the plot and not be like. Extremely majorly punished for it and/or be in the wrong
#ramblings of a lunatic#was watching a tv show w the fam recently and it's the 2nd series of a show that was clearly written with only 1 in mind#so in the 2nd season a character gets pregnant (bc ofc) and contemplates getting an abortion#only to do the whole 'omg she thinks she's lost the baby and realizes she wanted to keep it all along!'#which like. fine and valid and happens to ppl irl I'm sure#but like. this season doesn't establish if she wanted kids prior or if she has a stable job (she was struggling career wise-#-last season and the timeskip this season doesn't go into it)#AND has this fucking bizarre scene w/ her boyfriend (whos mostly been irrelevant and occasionally annoying up til now)#where he says it's 'our pregnancy' that she was going to terminate and when she (rightfully) bites back-#-saying 'you mean MY pregnancy?!' he just. storms off and deflects#which would be one thing but we have to wrap up the main plot so she just apologizes to him (for other plot stuff)#and we're never given any indication that his opinion has changed and they're just happily parenting at the end of the season#which just. left a bad taste in my mouth#like I KNOW i know not every bad thing said on screen needs a big blinking arrow that points out that it's Bad and Wrong#but idk how I'm supposed to feel in a series that has painted itself as explicitly feminist up til this point#presents the outcome of a woman dating and bearing a child for a man w seemingly zero respect for her bodily autonomy as happily ever after#w no follow up#like the whole series is centered on a group of sisters and this pregnancy story happened to the youngest one#who's always seen as needing to 'grow up' in season 1. so assuming this is meant to be building off that arc it's so WEIRD still#bc yes being a parent is an opportunity for many ppl to mature emotionally but that's not really something the character-#-reflects on all season. it's more abt her burying her past relationship w a season 1 guy (who was infinitely more interesting than new guy)#-than anything to do with that#AND EVEN IF IT WAS the notion of pregnancy as a punishment/reckoning meant to make her grow up or take responsibility-#-which is secretly a blessing in disguise i. god the show fell apart so hard here for me#and my mom and sister were just cooing over the baby at the end and i didn't speak up bc i didn't want to be a bitch#and in all fairness I'm probably being a tad uncharitable in this post but like. don't piss me OFF man#anyway. normalise abortion storylines that aren't backstory fodder and aren't fakeouts for baby plots. please
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eggmeralda · 1 year ago
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when I was 19 in 2019 I got these Vibes about 2023, it wouldn't be good or bad it would just be a Significant year
2020 was so bad that 2021 could only be better, it started good and then I got paranoid that 2022 was gonna be bad in comparison, so I mentally prepared myself for 2022 months in advance
then by the summer 2021 suddenly became worse than all of 2020 combined, but it improved by about september
bc of the mentally preparing myself months before, 2022 was amazing, but bc it started so good I got the feeling that it wouldn't end well
the last 4 months were pretty bad, and then came 2023
I got many different vibes for it over the past 4 years, but one of the main things was that there'd been a pattern going since 2015
2015: extremely good
2016: extremely bad
2017: average
2018: pretty decent
2019: extremely good
2020: extremely bad
2021: average
2022: pretty decent
so 2023 was expected to be really good? but also it had to get up from 2022's bad ending so the goodness was gradual
my brain is prepared for a good last 4 months to compare to 2022's bad last 4 months
but also following the pattern, 2024 should be extremely bad, and once I've got the thought in my head that a year will be bad, there's no going back. which would explain the extremely bad year following an extremely good year
2015 and 2019 were unreal, which meant 2016 and 2020 would've looked bad in comparison no matter what, so they just completely gave up and decided to be awful
but anyway it's 'getting paranoid about next year' season, also I can never escape the patterns of time etc etc
#in 5 days it's the 10th anniversary of the beginning of my memory and dates obsession. which is fun#oh time thoughts why must you run my life#why must you keep constant surveillance on my thoughts and if i think the wrong thing then something disastrous will happen#fun fun times 👍#also like *19yo thoughts voice* ''something very bad will happen in 2020''#*19yo thoughts voice* ''2023 will be a significant year'' and then me paranoidly thinking what could be That significant that i'm getting#info about it now? oh my god someone's gonna die#and then by 2023 someone died#bc i reblogged that post saying 'reblog to get good news in late march'#which meant i left the thoughts unsupervised by late march bc i thought i was protected by that post#then my friend and his toxic girlfriend had a massive fight and i was like 'oh my god they're gonna break up this must be the good news'#then they stayed together and my sister's friend died instead#as if the time patterns were reminding me never to let my thoughts relax like that again#i need to always remember every memory and make sure i don't accidentally control the future again#i know realistically i don't control the future and i didn't cause my sister's friend to die and i didn't cause the pandemic#and i know my brain is very irrational#but still#this happens way too much and idk i just don't want something really bad to happen in 2024#hopefully it'll do a weird swapover like with 2017/18#bc before that odd number years were good and even number years were bad starting in 2014#or like odd number years would start bad but end good and the even number years would be the other way round#but 2017 stayed neutral throughout and then 2018 started bad ended good#then until 2021 the pattern was swapped#2021 was weird bc it started and ended good but was horrendous in the middle#no other year has ever done that#so yeah 2024 could do something weird and swap with another year idk#but i'll have to see#ramble
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yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit · 6 months ago
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What the fuck it cut off my tags, whatever
I do deserve a treat :( Thank you <3
sorry for ranting, also sorry half the rant was cut off
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this is the single worst way i've ever read to describe an erection, frank herbert
#Well see he wrote dune and some young men are super into his work because of it but then they do something stupid like make me read#soul catcher and then complain when I didn't like it right before bitching I couldn't get through helstrom's hive#and like I never want to disparage something that someone I love is super into but oh my god are they dismissive of anything I like or very#superficially lip service encouraging with no actual engagement and then get super pissy that I don't think frank herbert is a genius#But they'll act like I can't have that opinion until I have read whichever books of his that they personally think are good examples#but like no... He's a bad author#sorry#you ever read someone's work and get the sense you would fundamentally disagree as people?#like you would just find them viscerally off putting and they'd have an automatically low opinion of you for no good reason?#and also get the nagging sense that they'd be bad at sex or in a relationship?#Anyway Frank Herbert DNI#Like read the books -I- like before forming your opinions ffs play myst games and then tell me what you actually think of them#stop demanding that I live up to your expectations or wants or engage with you in a one sided way I break up with people for doing that#also when I tell a partner about something I am writing or working on and their first words to me is "oh you should check out _______'s wor#as if to say this person is already doing that and probably doing it better instead of engaging with me over my _own_ ideas as a way to#shut the conversation down and stop having it#makes me want to scream#like if they were just making recommendations based on what I like I wouldn't take it that way#but they do this thing where the more I keep trying to engage over what I am working on the more they just keep repeating#“You should REALLY check out _________” [it's often something by Neil Gaiman or something similar in tone] as a way to shut down#having to continue the interaction that's when it reads like they are telling me to see what the greats have done with the idea#before I bother trying to do something that seems similar to them or try to bother them with it#I feel like that's a pet peeve about young nerdy menTM that only comes up when you are an afab writer#the inherent assumption and attitude that your every idea and project is derivative and not worth engaging with earnestly#and worse they seem to learn from each other that this is HOW you SHOULD respond to your partner sharing their writing ideas with you#to start listing off the talents that have already done something that seems similar... *screaming* I'm sure trans women get it to actually#just anyone socially interpreted as a woman who creates in nerd spaces#well I'm a man now and I don't date so whatever#but a guy doing this to me became a massive red flag because the underlying attitude was always a base level of contempt for me#and inability to see me as a fully intelligent and rational peer
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inbabylontheywept · 2 months ago
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The Motherfucking Lizard King
No one at work trusts my boss. 
He's smart. He works hard. He's not trustworthy. He hasn't actually fucked anyone at work over, but he's ruined his last two marriages with affairs, and got dumped by his third fiance when he wouldn't sign a prenup. The fact that we all know this is just a hazard of working in a small town. 
Anyway: The thought process of the people in the lab is that if he screwed over his first wife, and his second wife, and was probably planning on screwing over his third wife, it would be insane for him not to screw us over. After all, what kind of idiot treats their employees better than their spouse? 
I dunno. His kind, I guess? He's had a few chances to fuck us over, and he hasn't taken them. Opposite really. When our parent company was doing furloughs, he stayed in the office almost a hundred hours, talking and talking and talking his way up the corporate ladder. And in the end, no one at our site got furloughed. 
He's pulled strings like that before. And it baffles me, right? Because it really does make zero sense. He'll move the heavens and the earth for us, but his wife and kids are afterthoughts. It feels like any moment, he's going to look into the mirror and realize how stupid that is. It feels like I'm betting on him making the same stupid mistake again, and again, and again - like it would be less cynical to believe he was, eventually, going to stab me in the back. But he hasn't yet, and as far as I can tell he's been making that mistake for close to fifteen years, and it's already cost him everything it can. If he was going to learn, he would have by now. 
So my position on him is that if he wanted to date someone I cared about, I'd warn them off. I don't trust him there. But I tentatively trust him to be my boss. Maybe one day he'll stick the knife in and twist, and everyone will say Ah, Babs, we warned you, but for now, I accept that he's doing a very predictable, very irrational thing, and I've made my peace with it. 
---
My job has glue traps. 
No one likes the glue traps, but we don't have a lot of options. Poison's banned by state law, spring traps are banned by company safety, and several non-lethal options tried in the past failed to work. The mouse problem can get pretty bad if it's ignored, and there's some real health hazards in that. Our site has never had a positive hantavirus test, thank God, but the big base about a half hour away has. That guy's gonna be on oxygen the rest of his life. 
If a mouse gets caught, we just euthanize it. But more than mice get stuck. Lizards can wander into those traps too, and the people working there have different feelings about the lizards. They don't pose nearly the same kind of risk mice do. They're chill little guys, and they keep the moths away, and they're just 
You know. They're friendly. There's something to be said about walking into a room, and hitting the light switch, and seeing two little guys on the wall start to do pushups as soon as they see you. 
People used to just euthanize the lizards too, but I had pet leopard geckos as a kid and I couldn't take that so I wound up googling how to free animals from glue traps. Now, when a lizard gets stuck in a trap - which happens once or twice a week - I get some vegetable oil from the breakroom, and a little plastic fork, and I'll spend fifteen to twenty minutes just kind of gently prying the little guys out. 
I have a team of technicians that help me operate one of the larger machines. They're real blue collar guys, ex-airforce, and they make me look like a little kid. Being an engineer means they'll look to me as a leader sometimes, which is a wild experience. And I started helping the lizards for my own conscience, but one of the crazier consequences of it has been that it seriously boosted my leadership cred. Because those guys see me, and they go: Hey. If he's willing to fight for a lizard, he's gotta be willing to fight for me. 
I cannot overstate how nice that is. Most engineers that want to make a change to a maintenance practice, or try an upgrade, they have to work their asses off to get the techs to buy in. But I can just ask. They already trust me to do good. They know I'm new, and they know I'm not the smartest engineer in the building, but they also know I'm the one who gets lizards out of the glue traps. 
And just because of that, they're willing to follow me. 
---
My boss has a meeting every month or two. It's typically basic house cleaning stuff - reminders about routines we've gotten lazy on, and updates on future projects. Maybe some warnings about problems coming from higher up in the company.
People are, in my opinion, a bit too cynical about the meetings. It stems from people not trusting our boss, which again, I understand, because it would make so much more sense if he wasn't trustworthy. It's a testament to the man's incredibly unhealthy priorities that he is. But as we made it to the end of the meeting, one of bullet points was: 
Do NOT mess with animals in the building. 
So I looked at my techs, and they looked at me, and when he got to the point, he was so scathing I actually just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. He said basically that he'd heard some reports about someone in the building handling animals that found their way in and got stuck, and that he just wanted to emphasize how insanely inappropriate that was, not to mention dangerous, and that if he needed to speak to anyone about it again, there would be severe consequences. 
I was willing to just take the shame and move on. I was. But one of my techs is old. Old enough he could've retired two years ago. And his actual literal goal is to one day get angry, yell at someone, and storm out. That's how he wants to retire. So instead of biting his tongue like everyone else, he stood up and said: I hate the glue traps. You hate the glue traps. We all hate glue traps. But we've all sat here for years, ignoring the little things that get stuck in them, watching them die, and then Bab's comes in, and he is the first person in decades to give enough of a shit to start pulling the lizards out. And I don't want him to stop. 
Get humane traps or shut up but we are not going back to the old way of just letting things starve. 
And my boss actually froze up. He got all wide eyed and stared at Marc, and then the other techs jumped in, and there was a very small but intense rebellion in the meeting and my boss kept trying to interrupt while getting absolutely bowled over by this gang of angry middle aged air force vets, and eventually he just went 
I will speak with Babylon about this afterwards! After! And then he will speak with everyone else, but I have more points to cover. 
So they went silent, and my boss rushed through the last five minutes, and we all adjounred. The techs really didn't like that I was going in alone - they thought our boss was going to try and shout me into compliance. Marc in particular was like, Look, if he tries bullying you, stand your ground, and if he threatens anything, just come get us, and we'll give him hell. 
So armed with that, I went to my boss's office. I sat in the chair across from him, and he kept his composure for maybe five seconds before just flopping back into his chair. 
I had no idea you were saving lizards, he said, but I'm glad you are. I always hated seeing them die in the glue.  
I wasn't expecting that. I was about to ask him what the comment from the meeting was about then, but he answered that before I even got the chance.
A snake got into the building last week, and - someone picked it up and chased a coworker around. Turns out that coworker was severely afraid of snakes, and now it's a shitshow. We're a small site, and now I can't ask those two to work together anymore, to say nothing about how the snake fared after all that. Being upset about that is a reasonable thing, right? 
And he gave me a look like he actually wanted an answer, so I said Yeah, totally, chasing a coworker around with a snake is a dick move. Especially if that coworker is already afraid of snakes. 
And he said Exactly! and then we sat there a few moments longer. He looked so incredibly tired that I did, actually, feel kind of bad for him. And then he somehow managed to sink even further into his chair, and said
Look, I know I'm not a good guy. But I'm not evil. I'm not some sort of crazy asshole that's going to demand that everyone watch lizards starve to death. When you go back downstairs, could you try to pass that on? That I'm not evil? 
I said Sure because it wasn't a hard request, and he looked relieved. I actually made it halfway out before I realized I had a question. 
Who grabbed the snake? I asked. 
Not supposed to talk about it, he said. But whoever comes to mind first is probably right. 
ThatGuy? I asked. And he looked me in the face, nodded his head yes, and said No. 
---
The techs seemed a little disappointed that they didn't get to storm the boss's office, but were otherwise in good spirits. They were actually a little bit embarrassed to hear about the snake story - apparently, it wasn't much of a secret. It'd just slipped their minds because it happened three weeks ago. 
We did maintenance after that, the same basic repairs we did every week. The meeting had been stressful and it was a relief to work with my hands. When the parts were reinstalled, everything cleaned and smooth and ready to go, Marc found me again. 
You know what the lesson of today is? he asked. And there were quite a few answers to that that I could have taken - from don't assume the worst of people to be careful with how you spend your trust - we all need it more than we think. 
But instead I said what? because I wanted to hear what his answer was going to be. 
That I got your back, he said. Then he clapped one very, very large hand on my shoulder, gave it a good squeeze, and walked back to dosimetry lab.
---
The next day, Marc gave me a package and told me to open it in my office. I was suspicious, but I followed the request.
Cardboard gave way to a small baggie, obviously full of fabric, which opened to reveal a t-shirt that read
"I Am the Motherfucking Lizard King."
I looked at it, I loved it, and then I got an idea. I went to my boss's office and knocked on the door. When he opened it, I asked him if he would be willing to allow something very unprofessional to happen for morale building purposes.
How unprofessional? he asked. I held the shirt up in answer. He gave the shirt a short look over and snorted.
You can wear it on weeks without customers, he said. Which just so happened to include that week.
I'll pass on that it came with your blessing, I replied, and he looked oddly relieved.
Thanks, he said. And then I went downstairs.
---
The techs were very, very happy to see the shirt. And while my boss's reputation remains in tatters, and probably will be until he moves (or dies), the next time there was a meeting, there was quite a bit less complaining about how mere presence. Which is, I guess, a start.
We'll see if he squanders it.
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angeltism · 1 year ago
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this doesn't feel fair
#➳ valentin vents#so much i could say. not that there's a point in saying anything. but also not that that's ever stopped me.#i knew it'd end. i knew i wouldn't be able to handle staying friends. but it still feels unfair.#i keep cycling through ''i am literally so chill i am vibing'' - ''ok i'm kinda sad but thats ok'' n ''throbbing chest pain why why why''#i don't know what i want. i can't think of a solution to feeling this way. all i can do is wait but i want to feel better now.#there was no way to fix things as there was nothing to be fixed.#but it still hurts. i'm still jealous. that's all i'm good at being.#i'm sad but i don't know why i'm sad. if i stop and really think i should only be a little sad.#i want to be angry but there's nobody to reasonably be angry at. nobody's done anything wrong.#i can only imagine how i'm the only one feeling this way lmao#maybe that's another of my ''source my anxiety told me'' thoughts but#i also just can't imagine why someone would actually be upset no longer having me in their life?#especially when there's other beings. there's someone else. there always has been.#i don't even know what i wantttt#i don't want to date again. bad idea. i'm too scared. i need to recover. i should focus on myself.#but i don't want to be alone. it's terrible.#i don't regret anything. i think. it's not like with my abuser where i regret each and every thing.#it was a good thing. if nothing else i know more about my needs. i know how to have courage to bring up issues.#i know when it's time to stop trying and to let go. i guess.#idk oh my god this is a fucking novel#again heyy could be worse. if uu think this is annoying ya'll should've seen me while i was w my abuser JDJFKJDNJD#i'd literally vent like every day abt him. which honestly fair he gave me a lot of trust issues. but rip to everybun who knew me in 2022 fr#* ok i have realized it's like. the exact same so far bc i've kept venting abt this LMFAOOO but uhh.#the venting back then was MUCH more colorfully worded and often. and less somber more ''i fucking hate c's guts i want that [insults] DEAD'#and like every 30 minutes. at least ya'll r getting pauses between my annoying ass posts HJDHJFH
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notascreepyasyouthink · 1 year ago
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i am very depressed rn gotta vent in the tags
#feeling extremely unfulfilled#i'm currently visiting my grandma with my mom#and being deadnamed and misgendered constantly for a week does numbers on me#but i'll be out of here in a few days and i'm both excited about it and dreading it#i needed a break from everything but now i'm getting really tired of my family#but on the other hand once i get back from my trip i have 4 days to move out of my shit apartment#and god i hate moving so much#also just depressed because my brain is convinced i can't really get what i want. especially in my dating life#the only people that want me are fucking miserable to be around#on one hand you got absolute assholes i don't associate with but on the other you have people with really bad abandonment issues#and they'll get really fuckin pissed at you if you leave because they're placing all responsibility for everything in their life on you#and i know i shouldn't put myself through that and a few friends have told me it isn't healthy for anybody involved#but it's difficult when the other person is friends with most of your other friends#and i don't feel like i can leave because those friends don't want me to#there's no easy solution to anything it feels like#i wanna just dump him. i dumped him once before but somehow ended up back together. and he's sweet and a good person#but i'm so exhausted. and i don't feel like i can leave because he'll just freak out and get really angry at me again#it's super unhealthy i know#idk man i wanna go but he just wants to keep me around forever#i just can't anymore i'm not happy#but i'll be the bad guy if i break things off and i won't have any friends
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writting-stuff-sometimes · 2 months ago
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Treat You Better - Lando x Fem reader
Summary: Y/n broke up with Lando a while ago. One night she overhears a conversation that makes her want to protect him.
Warnings: Slightly suggestive, bad words, alcohol consumption.
Word Count: 16K
Notes: Nosey me really wants to know what happened at that nightclub. I hope you like it, and as always, feedback and requests are very welcome.
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You hated this situation, you felt so bad for Lando. You couldn't shake away the memory of the model walking in that bathroom with her friend talking about how Lando was going to be the best way to help her career, and that she just had to deal with all the F1 bullshit, his and his friends' childish behavior for a couple of months to get enough contracts, and then she'll try to find true love. Honestly, you couldn't believe someone like her could love anyone but herself.
“I think you should warn him”
“I don’t know. If he still hates me as much as he did when I left, he’s going to think I’m doing it out of spite, or that I want him back”
“And you don’t?” Your bff looked at you with a knowing look.
“Off topic” You took a sip from your wine glass.
“Fine. But don't you think it is super weird? What were the odds of you and her being in London, at the same restaurant, inside the same bathroom as she decided to spill her stupid plan?"
"I must be paying some freaking karma" You sighted drifting into your own thoughts,
"Ok, enough about this, are you ready for tomorrow?"
"Are you seriously making me go?"
"Of course! Y/N, you need something to keep your mind off things and I don't want to go on my own, I barely know the guy"
Ellie had met a DJ through Tinder and he had invited her to a private party he was playing at, in one of the Monaco nightclubs.
As much as you wanted to stay back and melt into the anxiety the situation had put you in for the last month, you agreed because that was the best friend thing to do.
_________________________
You got to the nightclub, it was a launch party for a cosmetic brand. As you were led to the DJ booth, memories rushed back. You had joined Lando for a couple of nights during his DJ era. Fuck, you had missed this, and you missed him. You needed to keep those thoughts away and an open bar seemed like a good solution... or so you thought.
It had been a few hours and a considerable number of drinks when Ellie grabbed your hand and pulled you to talk to your ear, a strange choice since the music wasn't even that loud, it was one of those parties where influencers and models try to get contracts and to get known by PRs.
"Please, promise me we're not leaving"
"What?"
"Please, promise me. I'm having a good time" She pulled the puppy eyes trick, but what was she talking about?
"Ellie, how drunk are you?"
"Look over there" she discretely signaled to a table towards the exit.
What was she doing there? Was Lando there too? You almost panicked, but he couldn't be. He had raced in Baku that same day. Yes, you still knew his calendar by heart. Usually, he would fly back home the next day. This explained why she was throwing herself at some guy on her table.
"Fuck"
"You promised"
"I didn't"
"Please"
You knew this was a bad idea, you already dreaded the girl, and seeing her hump all over some guy, as Lando was away, made your blood boil. You tried to stay and keep her off your mind but it was impossible, there was no amount of alcohol in this world that could make this situation bearable.
"I'm going home"
"Y/n, please"
"If I have to see her dry-hump another guy for two more seconds I might actually punch her"
"Don't go! C'mon"
"Elle..."
"Fine, let me know when you're home"
You hugged your friend goodbye and rushed towards the exit. On your way out her voice caught your ear, that voice you couldn't keep out of your head. Clearly, you had offended the gods.
"Oh no! I'm single at the moment. I'm sooo tired of dating man-childs, like, they're fun but it's so exhausting trying to have a conversation when all they can talk about is themselves and how cool their little toys are"
Before your brain could catch up with your body, you were already making a beeline toward her.
"Hi, sorry, can I steal her for a second?" You faked a smile to the PR as you grabbed Mila by the arm and pulled her toward a dark corner of the club.
"What the fuck? Let me go!" She tried to shake your hand away when she recognized you. You finally let go of her and stood cornering her against the dark wall.
"Listen to me, you're going to stop this nonsense about Lando"
"Why? Does your career need a boost and you want him back?"
"At least I have a career people can talk about, and not just who's going between my legs"
"Fuck you" She tried walking away but you blocked her path.
"No, you're going to listen to me, you little shit. You and your stupid friends can think whatever you want about Lando, but I won't let you damage his image just so you can have your five minutes"
"I don't know what you're talking about" Her shit-eating grin seemed even worse to your alcohol intoxicated eyes.
"Really? So it wasn't you who told one of your friends that you just had to deal with this F1 bullshit for a little while to get enough contracts?" Her breath hitched for a second but then the smug face returned.
"Please" she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. You wanted to punch her stupid grin away.
"Last warning, either you stop this nonsense, or everybody will know what a shitty person you are"
"Honey, no one's going to believe you, they will just think you're a jealous, bitter, ex-girlfriend"
"Are you sure? Have you seen the comments?" You pulled your phone from your bag waving it in her face " You don't seem to have the crowd on your side. So, listen, "honey", you want to date him, be my guest, but stop talking shit about him, he doesn't deserve it"
"Fuck you" She pushed you to the side and walked back to her table. You turned around and people were staring at you, also a few phones were pointing your way. Fuck, this was going to be all over the place.
_____________________________
You were still shaking when you got home. You hadn't been this angry at someone in a long time.
You took a cold shower to ease the heat inside you, took a sweatshirt from your closet, and went to bed.
_____________________________
"I'm surprised you didn't punch her in the face, you're such a grown-up" Ellie sat by your side on the couch.
"I wanted to, bad. But I'm not jail material. What about you? I was expecting Mr. Dj to be here this morning"
"We went to his house"
"And?"
"It was nice and all but you know I don't sleep out-"
A hard knock on the door caused a stinging pain in your head. Stupid open bar.
"I'll get that" Ellie walked to the door as you laid your head back on the couch and closed your eyes trying to ease the hangover pain.
"Please tell me Mr. Dj sent coffee"
"I guess you're in for disappointment" His voice made your heart stop.
You took a deep breath before opening your eyes and leaning back up to look at him.
"Can you give us a minute, Ellie?" He spoke before you could say a word. Your best friend who looked as shocked as you, turned your way. You nodded yes.
"I'll be over there. Nice to see you Lan" She walked to her bedroom and mouthed "Tell him" as she passed you.
"Care to explain?" You could hear a slight hint of anger in his voice, and like the psycho you were, it was making your heart rush. You were always playfully pushing his buttons to anger him enough that it would lead to rough sex, but sex was not the final outcome this time. So you had to take another deep breath to ease the heat inside.
"Y/n?" His saying your name did not make things easier. The space around you started to feel smaller by the second. You stood up and walked towards the kitchen.
"Coffee?" Your voice hoarse, as if you had been screaming for hours.
For a second his mind drifted off topic, your outfit being nothing but an oversized sweatshirt caught him off balance, even more when he realized it was one of his. A buzzing on his phone brought him back to reality and the name on the screen back to the topic.
Mila Where are you, baby?
"No thanks, I'm not here for coffee, I'm here to find out what the heck happened last night?" He followed you but kept a safe distance.
You started working the coffee machine, a cheap way to escape his presence, as a fight took place in your mind, should you tell him? Was he going to believe you?
"Y/N, I don't have all day, why did you attack Mila?"
"I didn't attack her" You finally spoke.
"That's not what the media says, and what the video shows"
"There's a video? You can't be safe anywhere" You joked.
"I'm being serious" He finally walked up to you taking the empty mug from your hand. "What the fuck was that? just because you don't have anyone in your life, it doesn't mean you have to ruin my relationship with Mila"
Low blow, Norris.
"Relationship?! Please, Lando" You spat before you could process the words.
"What? Just because you didn't want a relationship with me it doesn't mean other people won't want it either"
"What made you think I didn't want a relationship with you?"
"Umm, the fact that you ran away in the middle of the fucking night after ONE fight, ghosted me for two weeks, and just sent an "I can't do this anymore" text before blocking me from every single place? I'm not stupid"
"It wasn't just one fight. We had been fighting so much for the last month, and that last time the only difference was the volume"
"But that happens, just because we love each other it doesn't mean everything is going to be sweets and roses"
The word love sent lighting throughout your body.
"Lan, I didn't leave because of those fights. I left because you weren't happy with me, with us" Your eyes started watering, leaving him had been one of the toughest decisions.
"What?"
"You were lying to me, you were hiding. Does that seem like a happy relationship?" He stared at you confused "I knew about your nightclub and dinner escapades when I wasn't going to the GP's. I never minded you going to those things without me, I don't know why you started lying about them?" You could see it on his face he knew he had screwed up.
"But I never cheated or anything, I promise"
"I know, but it felt as if I was keeping you from doing stuff you wanted and that you felt the need to hide from me" You felt like he was being forced to be with you, like you were keeping him from things he liked.
"Y/n, I was so fucking happy with you, I just...I wasn't thinking. I saw how others got in trouble for going out alone and thought, I... I fucked up" He walked closer toward you and shily played with the hem of your sweatshirt.
"Lan -" His phone rang in his hand, Mila's name on the screen shattering the moment completely. You sighed and stepped back "Just be careful, ok?"
"Careful?"
"She might not be what you think she is"
"What are you talking about?"
You bit your lip still unsure about spilling it all out.
"Y/N"
"I heard her at Scully's a month ago. She was with some friends, I was in the restroom when she got in and I heard her tell her friend that she just needed to deal with F1 for a while to get enough contracts" You kept the details to yourself, they felt unnecessary.
He looked hurt but not surprised.
"I'm sorry" You whispered.
"Is that why you were fighting yesterday?"
"Yeah, basically" You weren't sure if telling him the "attack" had also been fueled by seeing her dry-hump two different guys was good, it seemed he had received the message.
"Why would you care?" He softly asked, his green eyes fixed on yours.
"Lan" You turned back to the coffee machine, the noise grounding you and keeping your mind from drifting into the romantic scenarios it was dying to go to.
"Tell me" He took a step closer. You could feel his body heat radiate towards you.
"Just" You knew where this was leading, what he wanted to hear, but you weren't sure you wanted to say those words.
"Bull" His hand landed on your hip. The electricity from his touch made you jump.
"Lando, stop it please" You stepped to the side escaping his touch.
"No" He took you firmly by the waist and turned you around, trapping you against the counter. "Why would you do that?"
"What do you want to hear?"
"Just tell me why did you do that?"
"Please just leave it" You closed your eyes and threw your head back, this situation and the awful hangover were killing you physically and mentally. But all Lando could see was your neck, it was almost begging him to kiss it, but he fought the urge, he needed you to accept you wanted him too.
"No, I don't want to" His voice was almost childlike.
"God Lando, damn it! I did it because I couldn't stand her talking shit about you. Yes, you can be stubborn, annoying, and sometimes such a child that I want to kill you, but you're also a loving, caring, responsible, smart and such a wonderful human being you don't deserve someone treating you like that. Happy?!"
"Yes" He pulled you from your waist and joined your lips.
His flesh touching yours felt like a breath of fresh air. You couldn't fight it anymore, and as much as you wanted to deny it, you loved him, you loved him deeply.
Your hands found their place behind his neck, softly playing with his curls.
His hands traveled down from your waist to your thighs, caressing them and indulging in the warmth of your skin. He then squeezed your ass and pulled you to carry you to the sofa.
He sat on it as you straddle him. He gave one last peck to your lips and started kissing down your chin, reaching that sensitive spot on your neck right below your ear as his arms pressed you harder against his body. Making you moan at the feeling of the bulging sweats under you.
"I've missed you, don't leave me, please" He whispered softly against your skin.
His phone buzzed again inside his pocket.
"Lan, wait" You pushed his head away from your body.
"What?"
"You're with Mila"
A breathy laugh made his chest bounce.
"C'mon, we were just fooling around"
"Does she know that?"
"Now you care about her?"
"It's not her. But I can't be a hypocrite. I don't want the bad karma"
"Fine" He took the phone from his pocket and dialed. After a couple of rings, you heard that damn voice coming from the speaker.
"Baby, I've been calling you for hours, where are you? Lucia and I are waiting for you to go to the marina, I promised her we would tan on the yacht today"
"Mila, we're done"
The line went silent for a few seconds. You could almost picture the shocked face on the other side of the phone.
"What?" Her voice was a thousand octaves higher.
"What you heard. Go find someone else to leach from. See ya" He hung up with the biggest grin.
"Happy?" He said as he turned off his phone and placed it to the side.
"She's going to kill you"
"Good thing I have my own personal bodyguard" He buried his face on your chest, inhaling your scent, he had missed so much.
"Oh, now I'm your bodyguard?"
"Yup, fuck Jlo's bodyguard, now I have the hottest one"
"You're such an idiot"
"As long as I'm your idiot I don't care about anything else"
You pulled him to kiss again. His hands sneaked under the sweatshirt, caressing the soft skin inside it.
"Nice outfit by the way" Hi said against your lips.
You turned to look down at it and then realized you were wearing one of the sweatshirts you had stolen from him. You had worn it nonstop for weeks after the breakup until his scent had faded.
"I'm sorry I stole it"
"It looks way better on you"
He pulled you back to resume your makeout, as your hands played with the curls at the back of his head.
"You've been awfully quiet over here..." Ellie said out loud walking the hallway. "I just want to make sure you've not killed each oth-" She stared at the scene with a terrified look on her face.
"Please tell me you weren't having sex on the sofa"
"You're about a year too late"
"Ew, please tell me that's a lie. I really, really like that sofa and I don't want to have to burn it" She stared at you, disgust all over her face.
"He's joking" You punched his side playfully.
"Promise?" she asked
"Promise"
"Ok. And, as much as I'm happy you two are back together, please take it to the bedroom and give me five so I can be far far away before you start your unholy activities"
"Three is the most we can give you" Lando stood from the sofa carrying you.
"Two" he said kissing your neck and walking toward your bedroom.
"Nooo, c'mon, stop it" Ellie rushed to her room "Just let me get dressed and I'll be out of here, please!"
"You're mean" You smiled against his lips.
"And you're mine" Hi bit your lower lip closing your door with his foot.
"Send me a message when you're done and I can return"
"See you next week!" Lando yelled back. He returned his lips to your neck, removing the only piece of clothing covering you.
"Very funny!" Was the last thing you heard before the front door slammed.
As much as it sounded like a joke, Lando was determined to make up for lost time.
Tag List: @wtrmlnsgr94, @ricsaigaslec, @ironmaiden1313, @formulas-bitch,
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Pity Party.
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Synopsis - Carmy just wants to see you treated the way he thinks you deserve. He decides to take matters into his own hands.
Pairing - Carmen Berzatto x Female Roommate Reader
Word Count - 3k
Warnings - smut. cursing. alcohol mention. carmys filthy mouth.
Age Rating - 18+
Author's Note - hello hello hello!! i am back!! i had a wonderful vacation soaking up the sun, and i am feeling refreshed and ready to go. i have had so many ideas over the past few weeks, so i'm excited to get some of them written asap!! this was a fic that came to me randomly, as i was thinking about roommate!carmen and how much of a menace he'd be if you ever talked about other guys. this was written as a part of my carmen roommates collection. it doesn't follow on from Finders, Keepers or Sweet Dreams, but it does exist in the same universe - so you can decide if this takes place before or after!! as always, feel free to send me any ideas or thoughts or burning desires you have. so much love <3
as always, reblogs, comments and feedback (even anonymous feedback) are immensely appreciated!! your reblogs are the only way to circulate my fics, which keeps me going <3
Series Masterlist. Masterlist. Inbox.
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"You're back early."
Carmy had swung the door open, expecting to come home to an empty apartment. Instead, he's met with the sight of you, sitting on the couch, undoing the straps of your shoes.
"Fuckin' disaster," you mutter, loud enough for him to hear.
He breathes out a chuckle at the stormy look on your face. Carmy thinks you're cutest when you're angry. He aches to smooth the crease between your brows with his thumb.
"That bad?" he asks, taking a seat next you and kicking off his sneakers.
"You wouldn't even believe."
He rises and makes his way to the kitchen, filling the tea kettle and placing it on the stove top. Grabbing two mugs, he casts a glance over his shoulder at you, frowning at your body language. You look defeated.
Carmy steeps two cups of tea, placing one of them carefully into your waiting hands. He resumes his seat on the sofa, pressing his thigh against yours and turning to face you.
"You wanna talk about it?"
You think for a moment before replying.
"You're gonna laugh at me."
His face instantly crumples, confusion written all over it.
"I'll never laugh at you. I'll laugh with you, sure. But never at you."
He nudges your shoulder with his, urging you to go on.
"Okay, fine. The actual date was pretty good. He took me to that Italian place downtown-"
"Dolce Vita? Did you get the truffle pasta I told you about?" Carmy interrupts you before you can continue.
"Yes, oh my God. It was incredible. Do you think you can recreate it sometime?"
"Fuck yeah. They're pretty secretive with their recipes, but I think I can figure it out. You can help me if you want - I'm gonna need a sous chef."
He pulls a reluctant laugh from you, the sound echoing off the ceramic of your mugs. You both know that being the sous chef involves you sitting on the counter drinking wine while Carmy does all the work.
"Of course. I'll always be your sous chef."
"I'll hold you to that."
You smile at him gently, a little taken aback by the sincerity in his voice.
"Anyway. The dinner went great. He seemed super interested in me, asked me questions, told me about his job, his hobbies, his dog. He was hot, and good to talk to. I thought I'd hit the jackpot."
"And then?"
"And then we went back to his apartment. And it all went to shit."
He chuckles, blue eyes glinting in the moonlight.
"Tell me more."
"You really want to hear about all of this?"
It's not like you and Carmy aren't close. You absolutely are. It's just that there's always been this unspoken connection between the two of you. A bubbling, fiery attraction that you both shut down repeatedly, screwing the lid on tight whenever it rears its head. So, you tend to avoid talking to Carmy about dating. You're scared you'll accidentally blurt out the truth - you compare every single date to him.
"Of course I do."
His answer is so genuine it makes you ache. You continue, hesitantly.
"Well... things got a little... heavy. He wasn't a bad kisser, I guess... he just wasn't... a good one? He kept biting my lip super hard and it kinda hurt. Then he pulled my clothes off like a high schooler, and he's on top of me, and I'm waiting for him to sort of... do... anything? And then he's finished. Like, completely done. And then he has the nerve to ask me if I finished."
Carmy's mouth has fallen open, shock etched across his face. After a long, heavy pause, he speaks.
"What the fuck?"
You look at him for moment, before bursting into contagious laughter. He joins you, both of you with your heads thrown back, giggles reverberating around the lowlit room.
"I mean, seriously," he pants, still laughing. "What the fuck?"
"I didn't even answer him. I just put my clothes on, grabbed my bag and left without saying a word."
Every time you try to stifle your laughter, a giggle escapes. The situation wasn't funny at the time, but looking back, it's hilarious.
All of a sudden, you both go silent. You're deep in thought, reflecting on the seemingly never ending stream of bad dates that you've endured. Carmy is watching you intently, ocean blue eyes glued to your face.
"Fuck," you breathe. "This is kinda pathetic."
Carmy inhales deeply, and turns his body so it's facing yours on the couch.
"The way I see it," he begins, "you have two options."
You quirk a brow in confusion and stay quiet, waiting for him to explain.
"You can sit here feeling sorry for yourself, or, you can let me fuck you the way you deserve."
Your mouth falls open in shock at the exact same moment your brain seems to shut down. You can't think. You can't process his words. All you can focus on is the way he's staring at you. You suddenly feel hot under his gaze, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. A shiver runs down your spine, and you have to remind yourself to breathe.
"Wh-... what?" you choke out.
"You heard me, honey. You can wallow in your little pity party, or you can let me show you what it's like to be with someone who can actually make you come. Your choice."
His voice has dropped an octave lower than usual, the tone warm and honeyed. He's still staring at you, blue gaze unrelenting.
"Is this gonna fuck everything up between us?" you whisper hesitantly.
Carmy reaches out and places a gentle hand on your cheek, thumb stroking careful circles into your skin.
"I don't think anything can fuck up what we have," he murmurs. "You're the only thing in my life that makes sense."
His confession seems to sober you up, the honesty in his words snapping you back to your senses.
"Okay."
He almost does a double take at the sureness in your voice.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Put your money where your mouth is, Carmen."
"There she is," he chuckles. "You scared me when you went quiet for a second there."
"Well, if what you say is true, you're not gonna be able to shut me up for the night."
He laughs darkly, and slides closer to you slightly.
"Oh, honey. You're gonna wish you hadn't said that."
He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, tracing the journey of your neck with his fingertips. He rests his hand lightly at the base of your throat, the heavy weight of it making you pant.
"If there's any point where you don't like something, or you want me to slow down, just say so. Okay?"
You nod your head, entranced by the sudden dominance he's displaying. You've never seen this side of him before. You can't believe he's been hiding it this whole time.
"Words, pretty. Need to hear you say it."
"Yes. I understand. I'll tell you, I promise."
He doesn't say anything in reply, just smirks. He lets you sit in the silence for a moment too long, the anticipation slowly killing you.
"Please, Carmen," you breathe. "Please."
"Fuck," he groans, shuffling closer to you. "You sound so pretty when you beg."
Carmy leans in and kisses your cheek gently, testing the waters. He presses a kiss to your other cheek, and pulls back to watch for your reaction. When he's happy, he tilts forward and leaves a careful kiss on your chin, then your forehead, then both of your closed eyes, before kissing you on the side of your mouth. His closeness makes you whine, desperate for him to give you what you want.
Finally, he connects his lips to yours, starting off slow and tender. When you tangle your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck and try to pull him even closer, his resolve snaps. His tongue sweeps into your mouth, exploring eagerly. You clamber over him and climb into his lap, straddling his hips and pressing yourself into his body.
Carmy can't decide where to put his hands. He's grabbing at your waist, running his fingers up your back, pulling you into him by your ass. You're both groaning into each others mouths, enraptured by the other person and the all consuming way they kiss.
"Can I take this off?" he asks lowly, pulling at the hem of your dress.
Instead of answering, you pull it over your head, throwing it onto the floor in front of you.
"Fuck," he murmurs. "Most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
His hands are roaming all of your exposed skin, as if he can't get enough. He's terrified he won't ever get to see you like this again, so he's not going to waste a second.
You grind your hips down into his, eliciting a groan from the both of you. His hands tighten their grip on your waist, as he leans up to press open mouthed kisses to your jaw. Your fingers fly to the hem of his t shirt, pulling it off swiftly. You manage to shove his jeans down and off, before attempting to pull off his underwear. Carmy stops you in your tracks.
"Nuh uh," he tuts. "This is about you. Not me."
He pulls you off his lap gently and shuffles so his back is resting against the couch cushions. He spreads his legs wide, and gestures for you to sit between them. When you don't move, he looks at you carefully.
"Give me a color, pretty girl."
You take a deep breath, and smile at him softly.
"Green, Carmen. Promise."
You manoeuvre sideways, so you can place yourself with your back to his chest. He wraps his arms around you for a moment and holds you tightly, as if he's scared you'll disappear any second. You relax into his embrace, all the tension leaving your body. You have nothing to worry about. It's just you and Carmen, in the place you call home.
You drop your head back into Carmy's shoulder, and allow yourself to get lost in the feeling of his hands on your skin. He's begun tracing patterns down your arms, your sides, your stomach, until he reaches your underwear. He plays with the band, dipping his finger underneath in a feather light touch. Goose bumps rise across your body and you shiver, practically vibrating with need.
"Carmen," you whisper. "Don't tease."
"But that's half the fun," he murmurs into your ear, and you can hear the smile in his voice.
You can picture it perfectly, too. The way his eyes crinkle, the way his mouth curves, the way he bites his lip to stifle it. The image in your mind makes you melt into him further. You want to be as close to him as you physically can be. You'd completely disappear into him if you could.
He brings you back to reality by cupping you over your underwear, groaning when he feels the saturated material.
"Oh, pretty girl. Is this all for me? Fuck."
Suddenly, his game of teasing has lost all its fun. Carmy twists his fingers into your underwear and pulls them off in one swift movement, throwing them in the general direction of your dress on the floor. He places a hand on each of your thighs and spreads them apart, hooking them over his legs.
Carmy starts off slow, careful. He caresses over your skin, gentle and almost apprehensive. When he gets to your core, he swipes a finger through, testing the waters. When you buck your hips into his hand, he knows you're both on the same page.
"Just relax, okay? Gonna make you feel good."
His deep, smooth, whiskey like voice is doing nothing to help the heat bubbling in your stomach. You only whine in response, wiggling your hips to urge him to keep going.
Carmy throws one arm around your stomach, keeping you plastered to his body. You can feel him hot and hard against your back, and you so desperately want to feel him that your mouth is watering. You grind back into him, and he reads your mind.
"Not yet," he whispers. "This is about you, remember? Need to show you what you've been missing."
With that, he circles your clit with two fingers, slowly but surely. He revels in the noises you elicit. They're making him dizzy, disorientated. He never thought he'd be the one to pull a sound like that from you. He's quite convinced he's dreaming.
"Let me hear you. Don't hold back on me, okay?"
You nod your head frantically, willing to give him whatever he asks if you get what you want.
Carmy slips a finger into you slowly, moaning under his breath at your warmth. When he thinks you're ready, he adds a second finger, and sets a steady rhythm, trying to figure out what you like.
After he's set his pace, he starts to curl his fingers on the up stroke, grinning to himself when he finds the spot.
"Yeah? Right there? That's it, isn't it?"
You're nodding and shaking and pawing at his forearms, trying to tether yourself to reality in any way you can. You think you might be floating, on cloud 9, in some sort of euphoric trance. You can't believe no one's ever made you feel like this before. You're convinced no one ever will again.
Carmy quickens his pace and basks in the glory of your moans. He thinks this might be the most beautiful you've ever looked, spread out completely for him. Every inch of your skin is touching his, and it makes his heart skip a beat for a second.
He presses a kiss into your hair and keeps his mouth there, murmuring honeyed praises into your ear.
"Doin' so good for me."
"You got it, honey, that's it."
"Atta girl. Keep going. Almost there."
"You look so fuckin' pretty like this. Fuck. Gonna be thinking about this forever."
"I'll ruin you, baby. Nothing's ever gonna compare to this, to what we have."
All you can do is moan in response, his filthy words pushing you closer and closer to the edge. You're almost there, but something is stopping you. You whine in frustration, tears welling in your eyes. Carmy feels the tension suddenly grasp your muscles, and leans down to mutter to you softly.
"What is it, sweet girl? What do you need? Just tell me. Anything, and I'll give it to you."
You're not sure how much you trust your voice right now, so you decide to show him instead. You take the hand that he's using to hold you to him and move it up your body until it's resting against your throat. You tighten your fingers around his, and moan in response to the pressure.
"Oh, baby," he coos. "Filthy fuckin' girl. Here I thought you were so innocent, and this whole time you wanted to be choked like a whore?"
The way he degrades you so lovingly makes you mewl. You'd never ever trust anyone else to speak to you this way in such an intimate moment - but with Carmen, there's no hesitation. You know he's just telling you what you need to hear in the heat of the moment. And you love him for it.
"Fuck, Carmen," you manage to choke out. "Keep going. Don't stop, please."
"I'll do anything you want if you keep saying my name like that," he whispers.
"Carmen," you moan in response. "Carmy Carmy Carmy Carmy Carmy."
You're chanting his name like a prayer. He's rutting into your back, hips grinding and circling in time with his fingers that are maintaining their steady rhythm. His fingers tighten around your throat as he crooks his digits just right, and the result is a devastating moan from you that Carmy wishes to have on repeat for the rest of his life.
"So close," you whisper hoarsely. "Harder."
Carmy uses his thumb to circle your clit with one hand, other hand pulling you by your neck back into him tightly. He grinds his hips dirtily into you, and the feeling of him so silky and warm against you is what sends you over the edge. The corners of your vision go white as you arch into him, head thrown backwards into his chest. The sounds you're making are so melodic, so borderline angelic that Carmy almost cries. Heaven, he thinks. This is salvation.
Carmy finishes with you, climaxing onto the soft skin of your back. You both relax simultaneously, chests heaving and panting. He removes his fingers gently and wraps both arms around you, pulling you into him tightly despite the mess. He reaches to brush the hair out of your face, and the gesture is so tender it makes your lip quiver.
"Thank you," you whisper after what feels like hours of comfortable silence.
"Sorry I called you a whore," he murmurs back.
You let out a surprised laugh, vibrating with amusement in his arms.
"I know you didn't mean it."
"I mean I did give you the best orgasm of your life, so... call it even?"
"You're forgiven," you chuckle. "Completely forgiven."
You trace gentle patterns over his forearms with your fingertips, following the black ink of his tattoos. He sighs in contentment and places a kiss into your hair, relaxing further into the couch.
You sit together like that for a while, neither of you too concerned with the time. It's not often you see Carmy so relaxed, so serene. You're enjoying it for as long as you can.
"We should clean up," he says quietly, eventually. "Sorry about the mess."
"It's okay. Worth it," you tease, pinching his thigh. He pinches your side in retaliation, which makes you jump.
"Come on, trouble."
He stands from the couch, never letting go of the grip he has on you. You have no choice but to stand with him, yelping as he half carries you through the apartment towards the shower.
The sounds of both of your laughter bounce off of the abandoned mugs of tea still sat on the coffee table, melodic and joyous. The moonlight seeps through the windows, illuminating the beginning of something special in the living room of your shared apartment.
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littlelamy · 4 months ago
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the one where he wants you again
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s2!rafe x reader
rafe was pissed at himself. was he really that dumb to dump you so quickly? you were his bunny, his princess; if he asked you to jump, you would ask him how high. you were his. he didn't deserve you. but, God, he wanted you so badly. he needed you not only for your perfect body but because you did what others couldn't. he'd never tell himself that he loves you, but he does.
it was almost like an obsession. something about you that made him needy for you. something that made you a guilty pleasure for him. you are the only one who has ever made him think of a future. marriage, babies, anniversaries. all things that meant forever.
but rafe was scared. he was scared that one day you'll leave him. one day you'll listen to others and think his too crazy to be with. so he ended it before you could. now his sitting at this party after 10+ shots thinking of you while your smiling and giggling with a damn pogue right in front of his face.
you made it seem like you were okay but you were feeling just as sad as him. but you'd never say it. you want rafe to learn that there are consequences to actions. it took a lot for you not to jump into his lap and wrap your arms around his neck and kiss all over him, but rafe need a lesson. you are a gift, and he needs to treat you as such.
"y/n you there," pope says snapping his fingers in you face. "are you still thinking about rafe." yes. "if you want him so bad just tell him, maybe he'll change." no, you don't know rafe. you say to yourself.
"he's special to me, pope," you groan, annoyed at how bad you want him. "i can't just jump in his lap and play house with him. he hurt me, pope," you say feeling those familiar eyes watching you. "but, God, he looks so good," you complain looking at rafe out of the side of your eyes.
rafe couldn't take it anymore. he needed his bunny back. "pogue leave," rafe says sneaking up behind you and staring daggers at pope. "kook business so go," rafe rudely commands.
"rafe, stop being disrespectful," you turn around angrily. "his name is pope, and if you need to speak to me, you ask me nicely and take me aside. but you will not disrespect my friend." you say, turning back to pope, who is shocked. "i'm sorry, pope, I'll see you tomorrow at john b's party."
"it's fine, y/n, I'll see you tomorrow," pope says, still shaken up, walking away. you turn back around to an embarrassed rafe, as you gaze upon him his cockiness returns.
"so just because i dumped you doesn't mean, you come to this party looking like that," rafe gestures to your tight, short white dress looking like heaven on earth. "i told you that you can only wear that when you come to parties with me."
"um let me get this straight," you start. "you dumped me two days rafe, two days before my birthday, with some dumb excuse that ward didn't want you to be with me," you say, getting angry all over again. "then i see ward at the country club saying that he loved that rafe decide to date me because i make rafe a better person. so if i want to dress slutty, i can and you cant do any thing about it."
before you storm off, rafe gently grabs your arm, pulling you to his chest. rafe was not going to let you leave this time. "don't do it, bunny," rafe whispers in you ear. "i messed up, baby. and i miss you. please don't do this," rafe pleads with his cool minty breath blowing in your ear. "please, princess, please." he's doing it again the begging thing that you love. everything felt so intense.
you fed up with the neediness pull rafe in by his neck and give him a quick but passionate peck on the lips. "rafe, you have to promise me, that you will try to do better," you order him, caressing the back of his neck. "i love you but you can't keep pushing me away," you say looking into his blue eyes.
rafe needs you. rafe wants you and only you. rafe gently nods his head, leaning down to give you another peck on the lips, mumbling an 'i love you.'
"come on, baby, let's go back to tannyhill and take a bath," you say to a love-struck rafe. "then we can talk more tomorrow, okay?" you finish.
"yes, princess, whatever you want," rafe agrees, pulling your hand out of topper's house. even though he messed up, you can't possibly give up on him.
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bluemoon-fever · 4 months ago
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needy
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pairing: steve rogers x fem!reader
summary: steve rogers is a very needy man.
word count: 2.45k
warnings: fluff, smut, dub-con (reader is tipsy, but not drunk), unprotected sex, possessive steve, allusions to DD/lg (but not really), D/s undertones, daddy kink, soft!dom!steve, begging, hand job, oral (male and female receiving), rough sex, fingering, light choking, spitting, dacryphilia, praise kink, grinding, mention of safe words, nipple/breast play, cum play, creampie, aftercare, it's filth, but it's also fluffy MINORS DNI
a/n: so i've been having this in my head for over a week, and i'm excited to finally share. i also have something else planned with steve (maybe a mini series or something. i'm still planning). while all can read, i do write with black/poc readers in mind! i hope you all enjoy! Reblogs, comments, and likes are much appreciated! <3
not edited.
DO NOT COPY OR STEAL THIS POST. I do not give permission for my work to be posted on another site.
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A symphony of giggles and clumsy steps lets Steve know that you’ve just arrived home. He’s at his desk, working on a new art piece. It’s a drawing of you sleeping soundly in your shared bed based on an image he snapped a few days ago. He goes to hide the drawing, wanting it to be a surprise for you when he’s done.
He hears you fumble with your phone and tell your friend through a fit of giggles that you made it home safe. Then, Steve hears the sound of you taking off your heels and walking into the kitchen. He sighs, waiting for you to finally finish up whatever you were doing and come back to him. It had been about three hours since he last saw you, and he had missed you.
On his days off, Steve cherishes your time together. It’s very rare that he gets days to be home, draw, and just relax, but when you told him you had plans to go to brunch with your friends, his mood soured a bit. He didn’t want to keep you from his friends, but he was feeling very selfish over you. He wanted you all to himself. This morning, he tried to convince you to stay in bed, but after about an extra 15 minutes of cuddles, you told him you had to get ready. He threw a pout at you that made you giggle, and you kissed his cheek all sweet before you got up to get ready. He watched as you got dressed and put makeup on which he constantly told you, “You don’t need it.”
“Thanks, babe, but I just wanted to be dolled up. It’s been forever since I’ve gone out.” Steve winces at your words. He had just gotten off a long mission, and since he had been back, he had been more focused on relaxing than taking you out on dates. Even though you never complained about it, he knew you were in need of a fun outing. That’s why he couldn’t be too mad that you were so quick to agree to brunch with your best friends. You knew he wasn’t in the mood to be out and about, and he didn’t want you to sacrifice your need for socialization just for him.
Well, he did, but he would never ask you to do that. Not when you’re his perfectly sweet, beautiful girlfriend.
Steve volunteered to drive you to brunch, but you said you already agreed to a carpool. When he volunteered to bring you back home, you shot that down (unintentionally). One of your friends agreed to be the designated driver. Steve held in a grunt, but his frustration dissipated slightly when you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and lips. “I love you! I’ll be back before you know it.”
And here you were, but what was taking you so damn long?
Steve was about to rise until he heard you slightly stumble towards the room. Your cheeks were flushed red, a sign of the bottomless mimosas he knows you downed at brunch. Your lipstick was long gone, leaving a slight pink tint on your lips. The rest of your makeup looked fine, and you were actually glowing. Your outfit, a black mid-length, bodycon dress, clung to your curves perfectly. Steve felt his dick start to stir. 
God, he wanted needed you so bad.
“Hi, baby,” you said. You held a bottle of water in your hand and took a sip as you walked in the room. You weren’t drunk, but he could tell you were tipsy. You threw a playful smirk as you sauntered towards him. “I missed you.”
For some reason, Steve didn’t want to give into your sweetness. While he had missed you and missed your body, he wanted you just as needy as he was. He wanted you to need him so bad you were begging for it. While his exterior remained stoic, something feral bloomed inside of him that he had to stifle his own smirk.
You moved directly in front of him and leaned down to give him a kiss. When you didn’t feel him return it, your face flashed concern. Did you do something wrong? Was he mad at you? You began to feel nervous under his gaze. Rather than say anything, you moved to straddle him and began to burrow into his lap. You faced him directly and wrapped your arms around his neck. When his expression didn’t budge, you buried your face into his neck and inhaled his scent.
God, you needed him so bad.
As you shrunk yourself in his lap, Steve gave a small smile. Seeing you become so little was making him harder. He knew after one drink that you were affectionate and needy. At events, you’d seek him out, attaching yourself to his side or finding some way to touch him. He had you right where he wanted you. You had mumbled something into his neck that took him from his own thoughts.
“What was that?” he asked, keeping his voice firm.
“How was your day?” you said softly, almost at a whisper. You turned your face and looked up into his sparkling blue eyes. You were so damn sweet he felt he was getting a cavity. “Are you enjoying being off?”
“It was fine,” he said, telling the truth. It was just fine. If you were with him all day, laying naked next to him, it would have been everything he needed. But seeing you concerned about him, being so sweet and kind, made him want to just pick you up and make sweet love to you in his bed. But a strong part of him didn’t want that; he wanted to ruin you and make you more pliant. “How was brunch?”
“It was nice,” you began, playing with the hairs in his beard. “But I really missed you, Daddy.” 
Fuck, he thought. Here you were, his perfect girl, wrapped up perfectly in his lap and pliant. He couldn’t hold back any longer. He gripped your face in his large hands and began to kiss you passionately. You didn’t even try to keep up, letting him push his tongue past your lips and claim your mouth. You began to whine, and Steve felt you begin to grind against his hard-on. He shifted his hands to your neck and pulled you back.
“If you missed me so much, baby girl, then show me.” Your eyes were blown wide with lust. Your lips swollen and pink. You nodded and began to pull his dick out of his sweatpants. You began stroking him, creating a steady rhythm that made Steve catch his breath. “Fuck angel.”
You shifted off his lap and moved his rolling chair back. You settled yourself between his legs. You began giving kitten licks to the tip of his cock before staring up at him with the kindest eyes; Steve had to fight the urge to blow a load on your face. You teased him a bit more with the licks before swallowing his own length down. Steve gripped the back of your head, pushing his length further down your throat. You struggled to take all of him, and the sensation of it made him pulse a bit down your throat. He pulled you off of him and took in your state. Your eyes began watering, your mascara starting to smudge under your eyes. Your mouth was wet with saliva. Steve wishes he could take a picture of you, seeing you ruined made further awakened a beast within him.
You reached for his cock, moving your mouth back on him. He watched in amazement as you tried to deep throat him on your own. You began looking up at him, your eyes looking as big as possible. How you managed to make yourself still look innocent while sucking his dick was something.
“Look at my pretty girl, sucking her Daddy’s cock. You’re doing so good.” You keened over his praise. He watched as you attempted to move your hand under your dress to gain some relief, but he grabbed both of your hands and held them above you. He removed your mouth off of him as gently as he could. You stared up at him waiting for his next words.
“Get on the bed.” He let your hands go and watched as you moved quickly to kneel on the bed. Steve didn’t even bother making it, leaving your bed sheets at the foot of your mattress. You placed your hands in your lap. He got up and cupped your face in his hand. He pressed a soft kiss to your lips before his hand moved to pull the thin strap of your dress down. “How are we feeling?”
“Green,” you told him. You gave a small smile. “I need you.”
“I know. Be patient, baby.” If that wasn’t the pot calling the kettle black

He pushed your shoulders back as a sign for you to lay back on the bed. He moved to pull your dress off, you lifting your hips to help him. You were left in just a lacy pink thong and strapless bra. You moved to pull the bra off and placed it on the floor next to your bed. You grabbed his hand and placed it on his chest. You were so desperate for some sort of relief.
Steve began massaging your breast, his fingers pulling at your nipple. You let out a breathy moan from the sensation, happy to finally feel something. Steve’s eyes darkened when he saw your hand slip inside your panties, and you began to play with yourself.
“How bad do you need me? How bad do you need your Daddy?” he asked, almost mockingly.
“I need you s-so bad,” you cried out. “I’ve missed you so much. Thought about you the whole time at brunch. Please, I need you.”
Steve removed his hands, causing you to whine. When you looked up at him, you saw him frantically stripping out of his sweatpants and white tank top. He didn’t even bother with underwear, secretly praying that you came home exactly like this, and he would have easy access.
His mouth began an assault on your neck. He pulled your hand out and roughly pulled your panties down, flinging them somewhere in the room. He kissed down your body, spending precious time kneading and kissing on your breasts before he found himself in between your legs. Without asking, you opened yourself up to him. “Please, please, please,” you whined.
Steve dove in, essentially making out with your pussy. You cried out, and he placed his left hand on your stomach to hold you down. His other hand began to push into your core, finding that spongy spot that instantly had your hips bucking. He looked up at you through his thick lashes, watching your face contort into pure ecstasy. He found your bundle of nerves and began to suck while continuing to play with you like you were his favorite instrument (you were). You immediately began singing out, a sign you were close. It was music to Steve’s ears, your incoherent cries.
Steve lifted up, removed his fingers from your core, and watched as your face fell in betrayal. “If you’re going to come, it’s going to be on my dick,” he spat at you. “Open.”
You opened your mouth, and Steve spit down your throat. He captured into another filthy kiss, you grabbing onto his back to pull you into him, trying to become one. He lined up himself at your entrance before pressing in quickly, filling you up quickly. You broke the kiss to moan, tears spilling from your eyes from the pressure. Steve felt himself grow harder as he began to lick at your tears. You felt so defiled, so nasty, and you couldn’t get enough. You began scratching at his back, desperate for him to move, for him to finally let you come.
“D-daddy, please. Please move. Please!” you begged. “Please, I need it. I need to cum. Please let me cum!” Tears began to spill from your eyes. Your face was so utterly fucked out that Steve could have came right then in there. But you were giving him everything he wanted, and now, he finally could oblige.
He began roughly fucking into you, pulling your legs into his arm to change his angle. Your back arched off the bed, and your moans grew louder. Normally, Steve would cover your mouth, not wanting to face your neighbors after this, but he didn’t care. He wanted the whole world to hear him fucking his perfect, sweet girlfriend on this beautiful Saturday afternoon. You grabbed at your breast and Steve brought his face down to one, popping one of your hard nipples into his mouth. You clenched harder around him.
“Steve, I’m s-so close. May I cum? Please, may I cum?” you asked so nicely. 
“Yes.” You came with a cry, your body shaking as Steve continued to fuck into you. Seeing you fall apart gave him a second wind and he kept fucking into you. You fell into a second orgasm, your eyes beginning to close in exhaustion, but Steve didn’t relent. He pulled out and turned you on your side like a ragdoll as you laid limp on the bed. He immediately rutted back into you, his pace relentless. His release was building up. “Come on, baby. Come with Daddy. Just give me one more.”
Steve came with a roar. He looked down at your coated juices on his dick and fucked it back into you. He couldn’t wait to see himself leaking out of you. Honestly, if you gave him a minute, he could go again and have you filled with him for days. The idea of you filled with him, possibly making his child made him cumming again.
He collapsed on top of you, softly kissing your face. You started giggling before turning and grabbing his face in your hand. You captured his lips in a long, soft kiss. You whined as he pulled out of you, and Steve shifted next to you. Looking down at your legs, his eyes darkened seeing his spend leak out of you. He gathered it and pushed it back inside of you. You winced at how sensitive you were, but Steve knew you loved when he’d play with your mixed releases. 
Steve rose and grabbed your water bottle, making you drink a considerable amount before placing it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. He lifted you up and placed both of you under the covers of your shared bed. He pulled you into his chest as you lazily rubbed circles into his chest and him on your shoulders.
“I love you,” you whispered before softly kissing at his chest and closing your eyes.
“I love you too.” Steve was happy. His perfect girl was finally in his arms, just like he needed.
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alchemistc · 1 month ago
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Tommy has a bad date and goes to visit Abby at her loft, only shocker, Abby left months ago and The Himbo is staring at him from the other side of the door.
He tips his chin. Raises an eyebrow. Scans down, back up, just in time to meet the kids eyes.
"U - uh hi?"
He gets it immediately. What would have drawn Abby in despite the age difference, despite the knowledge that all her friends and family were gonna give her shit, despite -
Well. He's fucking adorable, for a start. Bright bright blues eyes that look like maybe they're always a little wet, the foundation for a really great muscle base, even though he clearly hasn't figured out how to balance cardio and weight lifting, pink full lips, an adorably puppy-dog slash to his face, legs for fucking days. God. Yeah okay. Tommy'd been younger than Abby too but not this young.
"Is Abby home?"
Something strange crosses his face. Confusion, upset, maybe some genuine pain. He shakes his head, opens his mouth. Snaps it shut. Tommy's had a shitty night and honestly for a second he thinks making the look on this kids face go away for a few minutes would fix him.
"Patricia?" Tommy asks, because maybe at least Pat will be lucid enough to sit and with him and mope to the tune of whatever's on Hallmark.
The kid swallows, brows knitting together. "She uh. She passed. A - a few months ago now."
Tommy has to dig his nails into his palms to keep himself from being rude as hell. Sure, things with Abby hadn't ended great but Christ he'd loved Patricia. She could have at least sent him a fucking pigeon. Smoke signals. Something. It's not this kids fault though.
"And Abby ...?"
This kid doesn't know him from Adam. He'd have every right to kick Tommy off the welcome mat and shut the door. Something sad and vulnerable crosses his face. "Are you Tommy?"
Tommy's brow jumps. His posture shifts. "Cross my heart I'm not here to steal her back from you." He doesn't know what Abby's told people. He'd promised he wouldn't do what he'd done to her to another person and left it at that. They'd been together for years and Tommy honestly doesn't know if she'd go the bitter route and tell everyone, or if she'd be ashamed and hide it.
The kid laughs, watches Tommy's fingers make an x over his left pec. The face falls after a moment. "I - uh - I actually don't think she's coming back," he says, choked up just a bit, rising inflection on the end of his sentence. The wet eyes look a little watery now. "S -she went to find herself after her mom died and I don't think - I don't think I'm gonna be a part of whatever she finds."
Yeah. Fixing him will definitely make Tommy forget how terrible his date with Frank had been.
"Can I buy you a drink, kid?"
He blinks. Swallows. Does a piss poor job of hiding the way he's feeling, and Tommy wishes he remembered how to be so open. "Evan. Buck. I - Evan Buckley."
Tommy nods. Grins. "Kind of a mouthful. You mind if I just call you Evan?"
Something passes across his face. He takes a step back. "Uh - if you're serious, I would - that'd be - I just have to grab my wallet?"
Tommy shrugs. He'd offered to pay, but it's entirely possible he still gets carded at bars. "I've got time."
Evan opens the door wider. Gestures him in. Tommy passes the threshold and takes in the space. It looks fucking exactly the same. Evan hasn't made a mark on this place at all.
Tommy's got no room to resent Abby, but if he did...
Evan reappears in record time. He's changed his shirt.
Tommy is absolutely not going to read into that.
"You like craft beer, Evan?"
Evan pulls a face, and Tommy laughs, letting himself be ushered right back out the door. His keyring, Tommy notices, only has a house key and a car key.
Tommy slaps him on the back. "Fine, I won't subject you to my refined palette. I know a place that has a PB&J special."
Evan's stride is fucking ridiculous, as he keeps an easy pace with Tommy down the hall. He turns his face, his body, fully into the space Tommy occupies. Tommy's just waiting for him to trip over his own goddamn legs. "W-what uh - what's a PB&J?"
He already looks brighter than he had five minutes ago.
If Tommy were a shittier person, he'd spend the night trying to to get straight into his pants.
"Pabst and a shot of Jameson?"
He blinks. "Oh. Hey, that's clever. Sorry, when I bartended all the drinks were either in Spanish or some hokey touristy lingo. I mean I memorized like a thousand drinks but no one ever ordered them."
He's honest to god pouting as he says it. Tommy wants to bite that bottom lip.
He babbles all the way down the elevator, across the parking garage to Tommy's truck. Doesn't even pretend to make a fuss about driving separately. Tommy's a virtual fucking stranger and Evan just hops right in the passenger side and asks him about his license plate.
"No shit? I'm at the 118!" Evan says, and Tommy forces himself not to make the joke about stranger danger he'd been planning. That's an awful coincidence, unless it's not. Maybe a few drinks in he'll feel a little less tight lipped about the Abby of it all. Maybe this kid will do just as good a job of patching Tommy's night as Tommy plans to patch his.
He barely stops to breathe the short drive to the bar, and Tommy can already tell he's in way over his fucking head.
After he drops him off, tucks him into bed if he needs it, he's pretty sure he's gonna have some choice words for Abby.
Until then, he's gonna spend the next few hours doing everything he possibly can to keep the sad look off his face.
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erosjournal · 1 month ago
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☆ curse of aphrodite !
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~ percy jackson x child of aphrodite reader
~ synopsis : your mom likes to play pranks on the partners of her kids , this including you and percy - based on this post !
~ tw(s): implied sexual content , nothing actually sexual , i promise !
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When Percy and you first got together, after your first kiss, you decided you needed to tell him something.
"Percy--" You stuttered, him nipping at your lip. He looked up to face you.
"Hm?" You hesitated, unsure how to explain the situation to him.
"... I need to tell you something," You muttered nervously. Percy looked at you, concerned.
"What's up?"
"Uh, promise not to freak out," He nodded, growing more concerned. "Well, uh, so you know I'm a child of Aphrodite..." You started. Percy nodded.
"Yup. That's probably how you got me," He teased, trying to lighten the mood. You rolled you eyes.
"Focus, Perseus. Now, I need to tell you beforehand, she really likes to play jokes on people that date her kids."
"Jokes... like how?" Percy asked. "They can't be that bad, right?"
"Well, it depends. They can be as simple as candy hearts always under their pillow, to having vibrators in their jacket pockets..." You blushed, looking away from Percy. He seemed to flush too.
"How long does this curse usually last?"
"About a month, I promise." Percy nodded, kissing you again. "I can last a month for you."
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Turns out Percy's curse was on the worse side.
You were sitting in the cabin, fidgeting with some decor in the room, when Percy rushed into the room.
"Oh!"
Percy was out of breath, exhausted. He heaved, trying to stutter out words.
"Fuck your mom! She must not like that I'm a child of the big three," He groaned. You blushed, noticing something off about him. First of all, his voice. His voice had a really hot accent and it set something off in you. His hair was fluffy and clean, his clothes without a single wrinkle.
"Percy...?" You muttered, walking over to him. He looked up, frowning.
"I've been talking like this all day! And..." He reached in his pocket, a handful of condoms being pulled out. "I keep getting these! I've been donating them to Will for his sex ed classes, but I can't do this for a month," He whined. He runs to hug you, clutching you like a child. You card your fingers through his hair, feeling a little bad.
"I'm sorry Perce," You sigh, kissing his hair as he sighs into your shirt. He looks up at you.
"I don't like your mom." He whines. You worry a little, knowing that the Gods usually took this to heart, especially with Percy Jackson. You kiss his hair again, hushing him.
"I love you," You offer. He snickers.
"Love you." He looks up and kisses your lips, sighing. "You know what, I don't care."
"You're worth a month of dumb pranks."
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~ an : omg i love this hc so much i had to write a lil thing on it ! i hope u liked , and i think this is so cute and silly !! also sorry , i ended it awkwardly , ong didnt know how to end it.
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yameoto · 23 days ago
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RUSSIAN ROULETTE. CAITLYN KIRAMMAN
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piltover / zaun civil war
tw; dark!caitlyn, prisoner!reader, blowjob, gunplay, gunjob? gunfucking, drastic power dynamics, degradation, humiliation, bondage, hate sex, bratty!reader, noncon. dead dove. rape. wc; 1.9k ao3 vers.
WHEN Piltover's oh, so fearless leader strides into your humble abode, you can already tell she's having a bad day. Caitlyn's eyes are bloodshot. Hells, she’s still in her uniform. The tresses of silken, inky locks are no longer taut ponytail—stray strands dangling, tangled, cheeks nicked with dried blood. You doubt it's her own.
Your first instinct, as a prisoner chained to the wall and completely at her mercy; is to act like a right fucking brat. Because that’s been working out so well for you, thus far.
“Rough day?” not that you could give a single fuck. “All tired out from gassing out children on the streets? Poor baby."
Caitlyn remains silent as she dismisses the guard with a flick of her wrist, and you're still talking. Yipping away like a dog snapping at her heels. "There are other ways to solve wealth inequality than killing all the poor people, you know." Her stare is glacial.
God, the mouth on you.
She’s considered moving you to her family’s personal prisons. Though, keeping Zaun's lauded revolutionary locked-up in the Kirramman's basement would draw a couple eyebrows. The dungeons under the council-room you so lovingly blew up, along with her mother, suffice.
“Paint a portrait,” You sneer, like the little shit you are. A bloodstain clinging to her sole, that she hasn't scraped off yet. "How 'bout you shoot a gloryhole and fuck that instead, princess."
So you do see the bulge she's packing. Good. She's been aching to unload in you, all day.
"I'm not in the mood for talk." Caitlyn says, coolly, shoving the cellblock door open and stepping inside. Clearly. Her cock is pulsing. She hasn't even made the effort of the usual charade, in drilling you with that perfunctory interrogation sequence—for the benefit of the enforcers stationed at your cell. (Shame. you take your petty joys in turning up your nose and spitting in her face, like some structured caricature of foreplay).
You have such tight lips. Caitlyn delights in prying them open.
“Knew you couldn’t resist. Come back for another round, already?” Somehow, you manage to sound cocky, even though there's a smear of her dried cum streaked just below your brow, from just this morning.
Caitlyn tries to be good. She really does. You just make it so hard.
“Hold this for me.” She orders, like you're one of her little soldiers waiting on her hand and foot. A snarky reply about the shackles around your wrists is on the tip of your tongue. No matter. Caitlyn forces the barrel down your half-open mouth anyway, before you could so much as say bang.
“Mmf—“ Cold metal forces your mouth apart. your eyes widen, pupils swallowing up your irises. This is new. For a moment, blind panic seizes your body, because there is a gun in your mouth. It's not like you don't know there's a guillotine with your name inscribed. (All, 'cut the head off the snake', or whatever eloquent, prissy-spun bullshit Caitlyn spits in your ear as her nails scrape the walls of your cunt).
It's been too long. The war could be over, for all you know. Though, you wouldn't put it past her to keep you past your expiration date.
Speaking of, Caitlyn doesn’t even bother to hush you. She only thrusts, further—far enough to bruise your throat and stop your incessant, muffled whining. Your gag reflex triggers. Unbidden, tears sprout, to burn behind your eyelids. Silently, you buck.
“Oh, don't be so dramatic. You’ve taken worse.” Caitlyn rolls her eyes, languidly pushing the pistol in, and out. In, and, out. She guides in smooth, composed motions—never letting up enough to allow you more than seethe, breathing harshly through your nose. “It’s good practice."
The fiifth time you gag, she finally lifts the barrel out. You were never one to waste the opportunity to snark, even if you really should be saving your breath.
“Holding a dress rehearsal for my public execution? I'm. You must really like me, doll.”
“Oh, no,” Caitlyn drags metal, over your lips. It's warm, from the time it’s spent crammed down your throat “for gagging on my cock.”
Even though you’re expecting it, you lash out—momentarily ripping the veil off your faux swagger. Caitlyn tuts, though she gets a vivid lick of satisfaction from seeing you, bare, for once (and goodness, how much effort you take), before shoving the gun back in place. You fix her with a glower that seeps with pure, divine, hatred—chapped lips puckering goadingly around its muzzle. Screaming for her, to just fuckin' do it, already. Caitlyn almost admires how you haven’t lost your rage, your viciousness. It's the one thing you have in common.
She swiftly upticks the revolver, and jerks it out, callous. The roof of your mouth snags on its sharp-whetted sights, and blood sluices down your throat. You can’t tell the taste from the metallic tang of metal. A string of pink saliva connects its spitsoaked barrel to your sputtering lips, chest heaving.
“Don’t have the balls to take the shot, huh?” You spit, as if there isn’t enough of that smeared over your chin, pooling helplessly into your collar.
“Should you be so lucky.” Caitlyn smiles, the bitch, as she swoops downwards, markedly unblemished hands grasping your jaw. Of course, you think, lividly. Of course Piltover’s own general doesn’t get her hands dirty.
Although, she makes an exception for you. How sweet.
Caitlyn foregoes further fanfare, pushing you downwards. Your limbs fold in on themselves—a lion, declawed. The feeble thrash of your arms, bound at the wrist and hastened to the iron-wrought wall—are no match for the demanding brace of Caitlyn’s thighs as she slides gracefully to her knees, elegant hand seizing you by the throat.
"But I’d make such a pretty martyr," You wheeze, hyperaware of the click of Caitlyn’s belt unbuckling. All of a sudden, you miss the cool sensation of a pistol in your mouth.
Caitlyn, on the other hand, adores this angle. How your eyes sear. Jaw clenched, hollows sucked in rage and hunger—as if you would blow the brains out her head if you could. Seething, at how she has the opportunity herself, but denies you the satisfaction.
Instead, you get this. She untucks herself at a leisurely pace, almost marvelling at the way her cock descends in a mighty shadow, darkening your face. You scowl. Her free hand shoots out to smush your cheeks, the moment you bare your teeth and open your mouth to talk back. So predictable.
“Perhaps if you didn’t spit your food out at the guards, you’d have the strength to put up at least a little fight.” Caitlyn teases, too lightly for the context, as she lines up her flushed, swollen tip against your furiously jammed lips. A gob of pre-cum spouts from the slit, marring your cheek
"Maybe I was saving myself the trouble of hurling it up after we're done."
Caitlyn rolls her eyes. Pushes her head up against your pursed lips. “What are you? The world’s most grating ventriloquist?” She remarks, snide. She's weary of playing games. She needs it, now.
How she's grown so painfully hard, over this whole ordeal. You'd think she’d feel shame over it—so turned-on by something she sees clearly beneath her—but who wouldn’t get off on using their worst enemy like this? You'd do the same, if you were in her position.
At least, that’s what she tells herself when she shoves her cock down your throat.
"Ah.." Caitlyn shudders, the same time muscle memory has you sucking. Her neck arches back in open relief, hips bucking as she presses you, nose flush against the trimmed strip of dark pubes.
Her strokes are torturously slow. The most humiliating thing is the plap, plap, plap sound of her balls slapping against your chin, resounding in the empty dungeons. there is no audience—probably because nothing about this screams Noble House of Kiramman—or even legality. then again, neither does launching nukes into Piltover's place of governance. Tomayto, tomahto.
She withholds her moans for your own benefit, just so you can listen to the obscene sound of yourself, suckling along her dick. Caitlyn’s drags are lazy, relishing the beautiful suction of your lips. Slips herself far enough down your throat, for your swallows to turn to audible gulps, as you try not to choke.
She's not quite yet done. Her fingers dart downwards, twisting your panties aside.
“I don’t even know why you bother wearing these. They’re disgusting.” Rock-hard, a sore reminder of how routine this has become. She hooks them on her pistol, before promptly flicking them across the room, revealing the miserable, glistening wetness of your cunt.
Fuck. Your pussy is sodden like a cat left in the rain, dripping all over the carpet—much to your self-loathing. Caitlyn’s smirk is unrepentant.
“You're getting off on this? You're even dirtier than i thought.” She muses, as you glower hotly upwards, cheeks full of her. “I do hope you used your tongue.”
You're briefly confused by the comment, because, well—you are using your tongue and more—until the slick heat of your pussy swallows cold steel, and you gasp—walls straining, clenching around the foreign intrusion. Caitlyn eases the revolver in, with surprising gentleness. not that it does you any good.
Your spine arches off the wall, mangled noise ripping from your throat. Caitlyn shoves her length in, deeper, an impromptu silencer. “Don't whinge, darling.” she husks, knowing you loathe the pet-name. "It's unbecoming."
She never hurries, despite having places to be. Is it her fault that it feels so good to fuck your throat, like this? To pulse her gun in your cunt, almost playful, as she watches with the hooded eyes how your pussy greedily slurps the pistol to its hilt, before coming out again, glazed with the evidence of just how filthy she knows you to be. Her finger slides over the trigger, voice coming out in a breathy murmur.
“Bang.”
Caitlyn cums in thick, gooey spurts down your throat. Her head lolls back, shoving your head to practically kiss the sharp angles of her pelvis as you take it. Of course you take it. All your bravado, and still, you swallow her load like a beaten dog lapping at water, all the while, her pistol stretches you open. You don't plan it. God, it's like your body has a life of its own—a Pavlovian response, to the taste and feeling of Caitlyn trickling down your throat—but you orgasm like your life depends on it. Maybe it does. Your legs quake, limbs jerking, shoulder-blades scraping against the gritty brick walls as your entire being yanks itself upwards, like a marionette on strings.
When she pulls the revolver out from your cunt, this time; it is creamy white that strings from your helplessly pulsating folds to its hollow. You hiss, cheeks burning, panting—scrabbling back. An animal backed into a corner.
Caitlyn holsters her revolver, dripping with your sweat, your blood, your cum. Always on her person, yet as uncocked as the day it was minted—chamber still full. It’s only purpose is to fuck you stupid. She stands, buckling her belt back up, as you lie there.
“I'll break you, yet.” She promises.
Blood rushes between your ears, back scratched to all hell, bruises at the back of your throat. She’s splattered all over you. You grin.
“Should you be so lucky.”
Caitlyn scoffs, and iron bars screech shut behind her. You know you'll see her again, come sunrise. Or; you’ll know sunrise, come Caitlyn, again.
Tomayto, tomahto.
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appocalipse · 9 months ago
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that guy âŠč steve harrington
summary: After he's been to yet another failed date with yet another random pretty girl, Steve Harrington, your best friend, stops by at the diner your family owns for a late-night chat, same as he'd done a thousand times before. Steve is totally unaware of how much he's hurting you with his endless parade of dates, because after all — the two of you are only friends and nothing more, right? It's not like you have any secret feelings for him
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── àŁȘ˖ àŁȘ âŠč àŁȘ ˖ ──
The moment Steve steps through the glass doors of the diner, you wonder, for about the millionth time that month alone, what is it that you've done so wrong to deserve this kind of punishment.
It's Friday night, and on Friday nights, Steve Harrington goes on dates. It's just like clockwork, really: he meets a pretty girl, thinks she's the one, takes her out on a date, realizes quickly enough that she isn't quite what he was looking for, then comes here after having dropped her back home to sulk with you, in the diner that your family runs, still clad in the outfit he'd chosen especially for his failed date.
To be honest, he never looks sad, per se — more like disappointed. Frustrated, maybe.
You watch as he weaves around tables occupied by laughing friends, past booths filled with couples sharing desserts, then slides into a seat in front of you at the bar. Steve sits down with an exhausted sigh, ruffling up his hair before shooting you a tired smile.
"Hi."
You don't look up from where you're polishing the counter. "Bad date again?"
"Not even close. She talked about horses non-stop."
A quiet laugh slips past your lips despite yourself, and finally, you tear your gaze off the dark wooden surface of the counter to look up at him; he's got this pleased little smile on his face, the corners of his eyes crinkled ever so slightly in the way they always do whenever he succeeds at making you laugh, even if just a little.
How are you supposed to keep acting like nothing's wrong when he looks at you like that?
You clear your throat awkwardly and make yourself busy stacking clean glasses next to the coffee machine.
"So...not the one, I take it?"
Steve leans forward against the counter and props his head up with his hand, sighing deeply.
"I'm starting to think she won't ever show up," he says quietly, running his other hand through his hair. You chance another glance at him and note how genuinely worried he looks. It breaks your heart almost as much as it annoys you. "What is it that's wrong with me, huh? I just don't get it."
"Nothing is wrong with you."
"You don't need to be nice to me. We've been friends since forever, remember?"
The word 'friends' makes you wince a little bit inside, but you hide the reaction behind a neutral frown. "Do you think there's something wrong with me? Because I haven't found the one yet either, you know."
Steve's expression softens as he looks at you, and once again you feel that horrible twinge in your stomach that you wish would just stop already.
"It's different. I mean—you're not actively trying to find someone." He reaches out to pull one of the half-melted mints out from the glass bowl on the counter and pops it into his mouth with a shrug. "I go out looking for her and she just doesn't come. If she even exists, that is."
"She does."
"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I wouldn't hold my breath. God, why am I such an idiot, y'know?" Steve slumps over the counter with a groan, burying his face into his crossed arms. "My love life is a trainwreck."
"At least you have one."
He glances up at you curiously and lifts an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing. Forget it. Do you want some pie?"
You're not about to tell him what you've only admitted to yourself mere months ago — that you're actually hopelessly, madly, stupidly in love with him, and that you have been ever since the two of you were just dumb kids racing around your parents' diner.
What makes it even worse is that you had no idea your feelings went that deep until Steve started going on these dates of his again. Before then, everything was normal — you met up every weekend and binged on candy, watched bad movies on your couch, drove around town together blasting The Clash on his BMW's speakers...it was good.
Until it wasn't.
"Wait, c'mon, you can't just leave me hanging like that," Steve presses. He shifts a little on his stool to better face you, then gestures at you with his hands. "You've clearly got something you wanna say, so, like—hit me. Lay it on me."
"Nothing. I'm just saying...at least you're trying, you know," you say carefully, measuring each word before speaking them. "And at least you're the one doing the rejecting. Could be worse."
Steve's eyebrows rise high up on his forehead and he looks at you incredulously. "Whoa, wait—are you trying to tell me you've been rejected?"
You busy yourself by filling two tall glasses with soda, then slide one to his side of the counter and keep the other for yourself. "Uh...kind of, yeah. But it's fine."
"But who the hell would even do that?" he blurts out. There's anger in his voice all of a sudden, a defensive fire in his eyes that makes you feel as if someone has punched you in the gut. "To you? You're like, the nicest person on the planet, and super pretty to boot. That's just—that's crazy!"
Your heart gives a violent little jump in your chest. He thinks you're pretty. Steve Harrington thinks you're pretty.
Pretty as a friend, you correct yourself immediately, and sigh as you sip your drink. Of course, it's nothing more than that — just meaningless words spoken in a moment of unthinking kindness.
"Seriously, who?" he presses on. "Give me a name. I'll fight him."
"You mean like you fought Jonathan Byers?" you smile behind your glass, looking at him from over its rim.
Steve looks embarrassed at the memory and drops his gaze for a second or two before meeting your eyes again with a playful little smile of his own. "Different situation, okay, but that's not the point. So? Who's the guy?"
"You...don't know him," you hedge.
"It's Hawkins. I know the stray cats here by name."
"Fine, well, even if you did know him, it doesn't matter. He didn't reject me, exactly...not really."
Steve frowns a little. "Okay, you're gonna have to start making sense now. This is hurting my head."
The funny thing is, he actually looks confused, as if he can't possibly fathom the idea of someone rejecting you. It's sweet, really — way too sweet for your liking, especially when you know fully well he doesn't see you in the way you'd want him to.
You lower your gaze to avoid his and instead focus on drawing random shapes on the counter with your index finger, where tiny droplets of condensation from your glass have pooled up on the dark wood. "I mean, I never really told him how I felt. Not directly. It just
never happened."
"Oh. Well, then how do you even know if he feels the same way?" he asks you, looking rather doubtful.
You steal another glance at him and almost regret it instantly. His eyes are trained on your face, patient and attentive like you're the only thing worth watching in the world. It makes you feel horribly small and selfish and guilty, because after all, what right do you have to want him when he so clearly wants someone else?
You feel like you could cry. You might, if you don't distract yourself with something fast enough.
"I just know. Do you want some pie? I'll go get you some pie."
Without waiting for a response, you rush off to the kitchen even though there's plenty of pies sitting on the display counter at the bar, and you make a beeline straight for the back exit.
The alley behind the diner is blissfully empty as usual, just a lonely dumpster and a handful of sad-looking shrubs and weeds peeking out from under the concrete.
No, you aren't going to cry.
This is stupid.
You press your back against the rough brick wall of the diner and breathe in deep the warm night air, then exhale slowly as you count to ten in your head.
When the door opens behind you and the diner's familiar chatter and clatter of cutlery spill into the alley, you wince, mentally cursing yourself for being so goddamn weak. You should have known better.
You don't have to look up to know that it's him.
"Are you hiding from me?" Steve's voice comes, quiet and curious and maybe just a little bit hurt, even.
"I got...suddenly nauseous," you explain weakly, still refusing to look up and meet his eyes.
There's a long stretch of silence, and you feel Steve move closer to you until he's leaning against the wall by your side. You finally look up and find him smiling, this gentle, amused little thing that makes your traitorous heart skip a beat.
"You look just fine to me."
You stare up at the sky, head against the wall. "I thought I was gonna throw up."
He's still watching you, you can tell; you're keenly aware of his eyes on you, so much so that your skin prickles at the attention. "No, you didn't."
"No, I didn't," you admit with a sigh, and turn your head to finally look at him. He's got this little half-smile on his lips, the very same one you fell for years ago, and you curse yourself silently for never learning how to let him go. Really let him go.
"Hey. Listen. You don't have to tell me, okay?" Steve says gently, pushing himself off the wall to step closer to you. He brings his hand up to your face and tucks a loose lock of hair behind your ear, letting his fingertips linger on the edge of your jaw for the briefest of moments, just long enough for you to wonder whether he knows what he's doing to you.
You don't dare to move. You're afraid of breaking whatever spell has seemingly come over him.
"I should've never asked. That was selfish."
"Forget it," you say.
He's standing close now, close enough that you have to tilt your chin up to be able to look up at him properly. There's a strange kind of tension in his eyes, something dark and unsure and tentative, and his gaze darts down to your lips just the slightest bit.
You're fairly sure you're just seeing what you want to see, your foolish heart playing tricks on you. But you panic nonetheless, feeling a sudden, irrational fear that if he moves any closer, he'll realize the truth — that you're a liar and a coward, that you've been harboring these feelings of yours for him for years.
"I should—I should go. Back inside," you mutter, pointing vaguely at the door with your thumb. "In there."
"Sure, yeah. Okay. In there," he echoes, not making a single move to leave. "Not out here."
"Yup. Exactly. In there."
"So you said."
"Yep."
The wall of the diner is digging into your spine uncomfortably, and your mouth is dry, and your knees feel weak, and your stomach is doing somersaults, and the longer he stares at you with those eyes of his the more you feel like you're burning from the inside out and—
He's not moving. All he does is look at you, really look at you, as if it's the first time he's really looked, as if he's seeing something that wasn't there before.
"Okay, so—"
You try to push past him towards the door, but Steve grabs your arm, making you stop dead in your tracks. He lets go as soon as you look up at him, lifting his hand in front of him in an apologetic gesture.
"Sorry. I'm sorry," he says. He swallows hard and rubs his palm on the front of his jeans, a nervous little habit you think he's always had. He runs his hand through his hair, mussing up the carefully gelled strands, and it's probably the first time you've ever seen him look so flustered.
He laughs nervously and gestures at the ground with his hands as he speaks. "Look, this is just—this is just crazy, okay, but I think I, uh, maybe sort of realized something."
You blink at him, not quite certain you're hearing him correctly.
"Realized what?" you ask, the words barely more than a whisper.
Steve clears his throat and nods at you, seemingly pleased that you've finally spoken. "Yeah, well, this is stupid, but you know how you're always telling me to listen to my gut?"
"You're not making a whole lot of sense right now, Steve."
"Just bear with me for a sec, okay? This is like, totally new to me." He holds his palms up, and you notice his hands are shaking a little. "I just need a minute, alright?"
He breathes in deep and exhales slowly, then shoots you an apologetic look.
"Sorry, this is just...really weird," he confesses. "Weirdly real."
"You're freaking me out," you tell him, but Steve only smiles at you.
"Maybe I should just show you. Because, I mean, what if I'm wrong? That'd be terrible, obviously."
"Steve."
"Yeah, I know, but hear me out, okay?" he says quickly, and takes another step closer. You stand your ground this time, if only because you don't trust yourself to actually move without your legs giving out. "So, look. Here's the thing. You're, like—you're one of the most important people in my life. You've been there for me when nobody else was, and I...you mean a lot to me."
"Steve—"
"Shut up, you're ruining the moment."
He takes another step forward until he's crowding you against the wall, hand coming to rest next to your head on the brick. He's close, so close that you can smell the scent of his cologne and shampoo and laundry detergent, and if you were to lean in even the slightest bit, your faces would bump.
Steve is a little out of breath, his lips parted ever so slightly. And he's still looking at you with that strange, searching expression of his.
"Is this okay?" he whispers.
"I don't—what?"
Your voice catches in your throat. There's no room for doubt in his eyes now, not even the tiniest, slightest sliver of uncertainty left.
"This," Steve murmurs.
He tilts his head to the side a little and leans in until you're sure your noses are touching, and you feel your eyes slip closed in anticipation.
"Is this okay?" he repeats in a whisper. "Please tell me I'm not crazy."
"I think I am."
His lips brush yours. It feels like an accident, doesn't last long enough to be anything but a dream. You can still taste the faint, sweet trace of sugar and mint on your tongue when he pulls away, though.
"Just to be clear," Steve whispers, his fingers brushing lightly over the skin of your neck, tracing invisible lines that make you shiver, "am I the guy from earlier? The one you like?"
You don't have it in you to deny it anymore.
"Yes. It's you."
A wide grin breaks out across his face, and suddenly he's everywhere; he cups your face in his hands, pressing eager, fervent kisses along the line of your jaw, trailing hot and open-mouthed down the side of your neck.
You giggle helplessly, grabbing Steve by his collar to pull him away from you and up to your eye level. He's breathing just as heavily as you are, his hair messy and his eyes bright.
"How do you do this to me, huh?" he pants, kissing your forehead, the tip of your nose, the corner of your mouth. "You just—you just completely knock me out."
A pleasant little thrill rushes up your spine at that.
"Oh yeah?"
"Completely."
You kiss him this time.
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shiplessoceans · 3 months ago
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Moments in House MD that made me absolutely feral as an O.G fan that watched it as it aired back in the naughties, shipping House/Wilson hardcore and not realising I was queer:
1. Wilson loudly reciting a poem to House as he enters the hospital lobby which contains the line: "His manly chest, his stubbled jaw, everything about him leaves me raw.'
2. The look on Wilson's face when a random clinic patient gives House advice about his date with Cameron.
"Do her....or you're gay."
*cue Wilson looking to the side like...wait a minute...*
3. House: "They were not Prada! you wouldn't know Prada if it stepped on your scrotum."
4. Wilson: "House I believe you're a romantic, you didn't just believe him, you believed IN him! Wanna come over tonight, watch old movies and cry?"
5. House (yelling across a crowded lobby to Wilson): "How long can you go without sex?"
6. The look on Wilson's face when he gets a masseuse for House (!) and she massages his hand, causing him to begin moaning orgasmically.
7. Stacey: "What are you hiding?"
House: "I'm gay... Oh that's not what you meant! But it does explain a lot thought. No girlfriend, always with Wilson..."
8. House watching Wilson sleep on the couch in his apartment, then quietly erasing a voicemail from a real estate agent saying Wilson's apartment application for a new place went through.
9. Wilson, explaining his infidelity during his previous marriage, to Cameron when she's feeling awful because she considered cheating on her husband while he was dying:
"Well my wife wasn't dying, she wasn't even sick. But I met someone who made me feel...funny. Good. And I... didn't wanna let that feeling go."
The lack of pronoun haunts me to this day.
10. Gay male patient harassing House and questioning why he won't treat him:
Patient: "Because you're a closet case?" (Eyeing House and Wilson who have just emerged from House's apartment)
Wilson: "Uh...we're not...together..."
House: "He is so self-loathing."
11. House nearly kills himself to attempt to prove there is no afterlife, Wilson waits over his bedside and then calls him an idiot and orders him extra pain medication. House's response is:
"I love you."
12. House: "Big romantic weekend in the Poconos could change everything."
13. Wilson refusing to participate in a board vote to oust House from the hospital and consequently losing him job for House. Wilson's furious with him over being put in that position but forgives House easily.
14. Wilson (speaking to House about dating a woman eerily similar to House): "Why not? Why not date you? It's perfect! We've known each other for years, we put up with all kinds of crap from each other and we keep coming back. We're a couple!"
House: "Are we still speaking metaphorically?"
15. (Less than a minute later when House keeps trying to convince Wilson he and Amber are a bad idea).
Wilson: "Wait a minute, every time I agree with you, you come up with a new argument. What are you trying to avoid?"
House: *Stares at Wilson with the most meaningful eye contact to ever eye contact*
Wilson: "Oh! Well if you'd looked at me with those flashing eyes before I was involved (clicks tongue)."
16. To Wilson's new girlfriend in a threatening, 'stay away from my man' voice:
House: "Give him back his sweatshirt... Pit stains don't become you."
17. House: "This isn't just about the sex! You like her personality! You like that she's conniving. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves..."
*tense pause*
House: "Oh my god. You're sleeping with me."
*flees restaurant*
18. House: "I have really gotta get you laid. If I have to plough that furrow myself, so be it."
19. Wilson: "I have a headache."
House: "We don't have to have sex, sometimes it's nice just to cuddle and talk."
20. (To a bellboy at a hotel House is staying at, while gesturing to Wilson)
House: "After he and I have sex, I'm gonna slit his throat and disembowel him in the bathtub."
21. House going to interview all of Wilson's ex wives to figure out how best to break him and Cuddy up when they aren't even dating. The look on his face when Bonnie explains how good at sex Wilson is? Priceless.
22. House: "Probably my deep and very unconscious desire to get Wilson into my bedroom."
22. House: "If you're coming back because you're attracted to the shine of my neediness. I'd be fine with that."
23. House borrowing money off Wilson in increasing amounts to test the limits of their friendship. He later admits to Wilson that: "Maybe I don't want to push this til it breaks".
24. House being convinced the male CIA agent who approaches him in season 4 is a stripper and sitting on a bench saying:
House: "You wanna close that door?"
CIA agent: "Why?"
House: "Well I assume you're gonna drop trou at some point during the dance, I don't see why I should share."
25. Wilson: "I want a threesome"
House: "Shouldn't we try a twosome first?"
26. All of that episode where House is talking to Dr Nolan and says Wilson is not a consolation prize. Legit became convinced halfway through that this was going to be House realising he's in love with Wilson and wants to keep living with him.
27. House hiring a P.I. to stalk Wilson after they've had a falling out to see if he misses him. The P.I. clocks this immediately and treats the case like that of a scorned lover needing to know if the other party is pining and if theres anything that can make him come back.
28. Wilson proposing to House in a restaurant to throw a wrench in his plans to date their neighbour.
29. Wilson got mad that Cuddy hurt House. So he bought her dream apartment out from under her in sheer spite and moved into said apartment with House.
30. Wilson being indecisive and unable to buy furniture for himself because of a flimsy sense of self and an inability to figure out who he is and what he wants. House teases him about this and challenges him to buy one peice of furniture that says something about who Wilson is.
The peice of furniture Wilson buys?
A piano organ for House.
31. House: "You were thinking about Wilson while were were having sex? That's cool so was I."
32. Wilson: "If things go wrong, I just want you to know..."
House: "If you're gonna say that you've always been secretly gay for me? Everyone just kind of assumed it."
33. Cameron: "Where do you put the cane?"
House: (referring to Wilson) "If he buys me dinner he can find out."
34. That gay as fuck ending, fuck I'll never be over it.
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