#god i just feel so fucking ill rn dude
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geodetojoy · 2 months ago
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DAMMIT CHARLIE WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS UPLOAD WHEN I WORK
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bacchuschucklefuck · 6 months ago
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okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#not art#fhjy spoilers#its!!! gods I will Be My Ass in the tags rn. but thats so like. deliciously setting typical#like porter's desire is to transcend and his contempt for the world he's in feels. idk Real#like he plays the game bc he wants to win and be done with it. how do I word this#yknow. being a god would like. be his win state. when he gets that happening thats it his story is done he checks out#meanwhile the bad kids do actually just like playing the game lmao. like they love adventuring!#theyre so solidly Of This World. they carry the values that can only be born of it and they like having mastery over it#its a meta angle that I think is very fun specifically for d20 being in such a unique position in the zeitgeist when it first started#the rat grinders are from DnD Writ Large. porter wants to escape. but this is the bad kids' home its Their Actual Play Show#which makes it so fucking excellent to me that porter's question is somewhat of merit! its their show and it tries very hard to punish them#and they just straight up dont listen to him here lmao bc they hate him but! since the moment the academic track ended its been clear#that they save the world bc they Like Playing. With Each Others#thats what riz thinks the core of adventuring is! thats why fig stayed! and I also think thats why this hovers over elmville now and#a dead god is coming back in the school gym. porter is a shit evangelist but even if hes a good one I dont think it wouldve worked like he#wants it to. the only way he couldve escaped is if he'd not involved elmville at all. thats where the bad kids met dude#its a shitty place that fucks with them but they all come back here bc they wanna play with each others#and in that regard I think thats what the stress tokens ultimately means. Is This Game Still Fun To Play. ITS A RAGEQUIT LIMIT#Im literally running from one end to another of this conspiracy board Ive pulled out of nowhere#Ill draw after this I just wanna get this out. gods this episode has done nothing but furthering my delusion of grandeur actually#Im the hottest smartest manthing on earth Im king fucking midas over here. anyways uh! great ep!
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just-null · 1 year ago
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How do we feel about Beach wear Noritoshi....
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Everyone thinks he'd go covered head to toe wearing those wet suits divers use, but no. Noritoshi isn't the type to want to attract attention to himself when it's not needed, so he'd try to blend in. Emphasis on try.
He's the guy wearing a covering or some shit. I think you'd have to fight him to wear a translucent one. (if you splash him with water, you'll acheive the same effect thoughahahaha) even though it's a beach, he's trying to find an appropriate way to cover up, hes just like that. yes to sunscreen ofc. I can see him in a sun hat, but it's not his.. maybe he took it from one of the girls
HIS HAIR WOULD BE UP BC ITD BE TOO HOT AND THE SUN HAT WOULD HELP HIM FROM GETTING OVERHEATED H.H....H IS FACE WOULD BE FLUSHED BC OF THE HEAT AND. AND. AND.. he's like the beach babe on the shore, soaking up the sun and reading a book or smth. if you splash him with water, i can see him trying to get you back. then boom bam, hes in the water with everyone else.
OH FUCK that's even IF he goes to the beach. it's like seeing God in the flesh, idk man I'd go blind........... hed probably come along when he realizes theres hot people at the beach. he cant have you looking at people in that state, hold on hes going. give him five minutes..!
EXTRA
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[untied covering version under the cut. like his booefjehsaf are out aha.]
ahahahahahahahahaa *froths at the mouth*
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mf dont even begin to look at me like that
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adriartts · 2 days ago
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alas, turns out grad school is hard so i haven't been drawing much of anything BUT. now. some side characters for yall
#original#ocs#art#satyrs#artists on tumblr#character design#Heiti Varrater#Tcham Bakome#Angus Singh#HAII. i've needed to design these 3 in particular for EVER. finally i have done eet#i actually. really REALLY like how bakome turned out. he looks FANTASTIC#bang on with this guy. he looks great#also rlly like how singh turned out. that dude is singh for sure#heiti.... she's giving me problems. as she does best#this is her 2nd design now and it's better than my first but theres something still missing. idk what#ill probably continue to refine her with time#grouping her with these 2 is kinda odd cause like. she has nothing to do with them other than being in the same general storyline#like she never really meets them?? maybe once for a brief period. idk i havent thought about it much#they're on different ships. theyre doin different things#but theyre all side characters that are relatively important SO. put them together#ive resigned to just. drawing humans with pointy ears. bcause why the fuck wouldnt i#every other species gets fun ears. give humans some point to em why not#there is a. range. of feelings about these guys#LOVE heiti. she sucks (affectionate). she's fantastic. obsessed with her#bakome has lots going on and im not even sure of most of it. but he is VERY interesting and he occupies a cool middle space of like.#doing no harm but preventing no harm either. doing no harm but allowing harm to be done. he has morality but he turns the other way#idk. i like him and i think he borders on sucks but either way he's interesting#and then there singh. god he sucks. he sucks so bad. worst of em all. captain worst#the harm that is being done is allowed by him because hes the captain and that's if hes not just doing it himself. fuck that guy#i do think hes fun tho. hes. a little flatter than bakome rn but hes still got SOME interesting stuff going on. just a lil
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ashfdhfgdsfk · 1 year ago
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might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by
#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it#txt#el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg#putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now#nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left#would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck#shit im so hurt this is the worst#trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds#tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself#and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again#but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg#and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what#and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide#like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort#this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG#denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf#i feel sick#feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out#god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit#and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh#i could really go for a hug right about now s'all
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zoppzoop · 6 months ago
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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esoteric-altruism · 3 months ago
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i fucking hate being an addict i fucking missed my shot last night instead of waiting for my bf to come home and do it for me. i’m so tired of this back and forth battle i keep having with myself. 5 fucking years of this shit i’m tired of breaking the promises i make to myself. why can’t i just get over it already? why couldn’t i just be normal
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s0urte3th · 1 year ago
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GRAH
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hibiscusseaart · 1 month ago
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ok so i have some Tobirama thoughts cuz i watch Naruto rn and over analyzing everything
but whatever i need this character study to get my characterisation of him straight.
So basically I just thinking over what an ass Tobirama is towards the Uchiha clan
and a disclaimer: i love Tobirama he's my fav, I just want to understand him better and PLEASE share your own opinions too! i feel like im making a whole paper on him or smth
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Tobirama was basically "I separated Uchiha in their own compound from the main cast of the village and ordered them to make a police force (and everyone knows how people "love" cops, especially in military settlement) not because I hate them. They're just dangerous and prone to mental instability (thinking of Madara much? Dude if ppl feel love intensely, and you don't, it fucking doesn't mean they're mentally ill). But I know some good Uchiha (Kagami who was under his command?? and Itachi who massacred the whole clan for the village????) so I don't hate Uchiha."
Like okay, he doesn't hate hate them, but he IS prejudged af. As much as I like to read stories where he isn't like this and kinda more forgiving, in canon he is an ass.
And honestly it makes sense for Tobirama to be like that (I'm not defending him, I'm just trying to lay his thought process down). Like he fought with Uchiha for most of his life and he doesn't have pink glasses on his nose like Hashirama. He knows they're dangerous and he learned to mistrust them since they're enemy.
And he has his own theories about Sharingan, but basically he thinks that bitches are so sensitive, they can't handle a little hurt and loss.
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I honestly think that he's wrong, like I think Sharingan awakens by high levels of stress (maybe cortisol levels shoot up suddenly?) Tobirama is only one man who tried to understand that and he barely interreacted with Uchiha personally.
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Ok i just found this but bitch really came up with this theory based on rumors. Dude, please stop spreading misinformation.
Though we don't know their medical progress at this point, so maybe he really didn't know? Like he didn't have enough medical knowledge to get this theory straight. He has his special interest in making jutsu and you don't need to know people well enough. You just need to know how to kill them effectively.
Also, dude, if you (or maybe Senju in general) don't react as strong as the Uchiha, it doesn't mean they're mentally ill or cursed.
Oh and Tobirama thinks he's done GOOD for Uchiha. I mean his brother thinks it's slight for the Uchiha to get separated, living near prison and being avoided by village since they're the police force, but for Tobirama it's a job well done cuz it helped the village. He's a practical man who doesn't even think about feelings like that.
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I think with Konoha he kinda played the game like SimSity but IRL. Optimised and used the resources he had to do the best working village. You don't think about sims' feelings when you make them pay higher taxes or make them live near dumpster just cuz you think it's okay and they will manage, right?
Before it was his brother to care for this kind of stuff. But then he died (how the fuck btw? I hc it was a disease but damn in some timelines he died when he was like 42 but damn WHAT could've killed The God of Shinobi) and Tobirama stayed alone. I assume his family wasn't much help and they had a 1st war near, so Tobirama had to work fast and efficient.
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just a funny strip "You don't know him like I do"
I think Tobirama was also offended at Madara since he tried to destroy the village he put a lot of work into (lets be real, Tobirama doing most of administrative work is basically canon, not a headcanon, it sits way too right)
Plus I think Tobirama like many people was impressed + scared of Madara. Like he's crazy strong and ofc you're afraid, I get it. But Madara is an exception, not the rule. He's just a freak of nature + I think being Indra reincarnation had its influence too. It's not the whole Uchiha clan, but Tobirama judges them like he'd judge Madara.
Maybe he's a bit paranoid. Understandable since being a ninja and it's what keeps you alive, but this lack of trust really showed through all of the history between Tobirama and Uchiha clan.
Okay maybe hc territory, but I think Tobirama doesn't get emotions much in general. He's very autistic coded and, being on the spectrum myself, I can get where he's coming from. I trained my empathy cuz not having one is considered wrong. Tobirama probably didn't cuz no one told him to or he didn't consume this type of content in his childhood (i trained myself by cartoons lol). He cares, but he doesn't get feelings and makes these kinds of theories, based on rumors (damn dude fact check please).
Maybe since he doesn't get emotions much he's used to depend on other people in this regard? Like people start saying these rumors and he watches himself and is like "Yeah that seems possible" especially since Madara got his big drama time about Izuna. He has big feelings = has strong Sharingan. It is plausible.
I dont think Tobirama wanted to check it for sure, since 1) WHO will let the White demon near their precious eyes to help him understand how they work; 2) it's not his point of interest. he had village to run, jutsu to make, kids to teach. the bitch was busy and it's only 24 h/day
so yeah Tobirama had his reasons but he's an ass lol. like dude did start this chain of Uchiha slander and then when they were massacred he was like "Oh boohoo they self destructed what a pity" DUDE 😭
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hearts-4-vicky · 5 months ago
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ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ꜱᴛᴜᴘɪᴅ ✧
ahn yujin
warnings: angst , (might be shitty tho cuz ive never written angst b4..) swearing.., lots of dialogue holy shit they yap a lot, aouad au, major character death(s) , yujins a FUCKING loser, unrequited love kinda.., blood n other nasty stuff so bewareeee if you’re sensitive to that kind of stuff🫡
wc: 1.3k (woah)
hi m like sad rn so yeah yay mwah😘
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“yujin”
“yn”
the two of you found yourselves star gazing on the rooftop, using it as an escape from the cruel reality you were living in
“do you think this will ever go back to normal?”
the girl paused, not wanting to demolish any sliver of hope you had left in your bruised body
���of course i do.. why? you doubting me?”
yujin playfully pouted at you, poking at your thigh
“huh? what- no. . I trust you”
an awkward silence developed between you two
“hey” yujin started
you looked towards her, waiting for her to continue
“m sorry bout earlier. . i didnt-“
you socked her in the arm.
“HOLY SHIT what the actual FUCK.”
the girl started to complain, though it fell upon deaf ears
“dude, i told ya it was okay. i shouldve made more attention”
leaning your head on the taller’s shoulder, you rubbed the spot where she was hit. you felt yujin stiffen at the lack of space between the two of you but you chose to ignore it
“ynnie.”
“yunjinniee”
“your ankle is getting worse..”
your gaze followed where her finger pointed at, there you noticed how swollen and discolored your ankle had gotten
“pfft- s whatever! ill jus walk it off-“
BANG!
both of you searched for where the commotion was, finding a few monsters had gotten to the rooftops entrance
yujin had to act fast, each time she struggled to make a decision could mean your death.
“fuck. yn can you walk?”
“uh- y-yeah. . i think”
yujin was too in her head to hear the last thing you said before she grabbed your arm and booked it to the other entrance, she slammed open the door, not thinking about the other zombies in the school
dragging you down the stairs, she watched as 3 more of those things saw the both of you
she froze.
“yn . . i-“
“GO!”
she heard a door slam open and felt the impact of the floor against her back
“ow- fuck. wait- yn?”
yujin watched as the door stayed open, your figure on the floor
“ynnie. . cmon! those things are getting closer!”
you crawled to the door while yujin got up to shut the door after you entered
pulling you to the corner of the classroom, you both began to catch your breath, grateful that this room was empty . .
a minute passed by before yujin looked at your disheveled form, feeling guilty once again
“hey- hey um.. im so so sorry this happened, god you have cuts on your face! fuck. if only-“
you put a finger to her lips.
“ stop rambling, i should be okay by tomorrow . .”
seeing the girls pout, you gave her a quick peck on the cheek
though it didnt help at all
“im in love with you.” she confessed
“what? are you serious?” you whispered, backing away from the girl
“oh. um yeah. . sorry the timing is so shitty..”
“you think so? oh my god yujin. i already told you we cant be together like this! plus, we nearly died out there what the fuck do you mean you’re in love with me?”
“m sorry really but i couldn’t help it. . i thought i shoulda told you cause what if we do die?”
“shut up.”
“okay. yes ma’am”
“ma’am?”
“ i meant yn. .”
you heard the girls voice break with each sentence, nearly making you cry but it would alert the monsters outside
minutes passed by. you only heard the screams of other students, before they were soon turned into just another shell of the person they once were
“y-yn” yujin whispered
“yujin. .”
“. . why cant you love me as much as i love you?”
“. . . you know i can't ans-“
“you say that every single time! please, just. . just say it.”
looking at the heartbroken girl tore you apart, if only this world hadnt changed so drastically, you could be happy with yujin
“ i want to be with you yujin. really, i do but . . you know im not here anymore.”
hearing that made the taller girl shiver. her vision getting more and more blurry with each second of silence between the two,
“oh. . r-right, fuck yeah you’re right”
she brought her knees to her chest, clinging onto them as if it were her dead lover, wanting to feel the warmth of anything in her arms,
“man. . this-this really fucking sucks”
yujins voice began to break due to her realization that you really were dead. she didnt save you. she couldn’t save you. how pathetic was that? the only person she cared about dead. dead, all because she didnt think quick enough.
“ i know . . though, please know im sorry for whats going to happen”
“huh?-“
BANG!
the girl’s eyes snapped to the classroom door, through the glass she saw the face of the one she cherished most, amongst the mahogany colored blood and drool . . yujin recognized that face, how could she not? she grew to love every ‘imperfection’ you thought you had. she always thought you were the most breathtaking woman she ever laid eyes on, no flaw could ever lessen the amount of love yujin had for you
but she had failed you. she promised to keep you safe, with every part of her soul. it didnt seem to be enough . . since you here were, lunging at yujin with no thought in your head.
the remnant of sanity you had was gone, as the husk of the person you once were started clawing at yujins torso
she felt every bone in her body break into brittle pieces, making yujin open her eyes
as she gazed into your bloodshot eyes she wondered how things would’ve went if she pulled you into the room quicker.
each passing second was like hell, struggling to breathe as you had broken through her skin
coughing up the crimson liquid was loud enough to alert the other monsters to yujins location,
wanting to look at her lover’s face for the last time, she noticed a small tear slide down your dirtied face
yujin wiped it away just before a hoard of zombies decided to help finish her off
at least the both of you would be together, right?
.
.
.
a group of survivors discovered the classroom yujin had passed in, they found a letter dedicated to you
“𝓣𝓸 𝓶𝔂 𝓨𝓷
𝓔𝓪𝓬𝓱 𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓘 𝓼𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓘 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓿𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓴𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓪𝓯𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓮. 𝓔𝓪𝓬𝓱 𝓭𝓪𝔂 . . 𝓘 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯 𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓵 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓶. 𝓘 𝓻𝓮𝓰𝓻𝓮𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓽𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓫𝓮𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭, 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓲𝓽 ���𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓯𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻. 𝓘’𝓶 𝓰𝓵𝓪𝓭 𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓹𝓹𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓾𝓷𝓲𝓽𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓭 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓫𝓮𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮. . 𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝔂 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓹𝓲𝓭, 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔂𝓷. 𝓜𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓾𝓪𝓰𝓮𝓼 𝔀𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓿𝓮𝔂. 𝓘’𝓶 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓪 𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓵 𝓪𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼. . 𝓘 𝓻𝓮𝓰𝓻𝓮𝓽 𝓶𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓲𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓮 𝓫𝓾𝓽, 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓶. 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝔀𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓼𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓭𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓰𝓻𝓸𝔀 𝓸𝓵𝓭 𝓽𝓸𝓰𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻, 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓬𝓻𝓾𝓮𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶𝓼 𝓸𝓯 𝓷𝓸𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓵 𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓮 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷. 𝓨𝓷, 𝓘 𝓽𝓻𝓾𝓵𝔂 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝔂 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽, 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝔂 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓵.
𝓕𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼,
𝓐𝓱𝓷 𝓨𝓾𝓳𝓲𝓷.”
pls don burn me at the stake cuz i wrote. rhrisd😞🙏
anyways.. stay safe n i love you guys so so much
- vicky 💋
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pumpkinsy0 · 4 months ago
Note
HCs for Soda walking in on Pony and Curly making out/being all lovey
god damn these mfs suck at not getting caught dude😭😭
•first off, theyre in ponys room, and i dont mean like, pony AND sodas room, i mean ponys old room, in the book its stated that pony only started to share a room w soda bc of his nightmares so before that pony did have his own room, so thats where pony and curly r, in ponys dusty ass old room
•soda like, NEVER hears sounds from there so he’s like ‘what the fuck is going on’ cause the house isnt thee best built nor the sturdiest, but that CANNOT be just the creaking of the house
•he opens it and unfortunately has to beat witness to these two, may someone help him recover🙏🏽🙏🏽, doesnt scream or nothin, he loudly goes “OH” and looks away immediately, he doesnt even wanna memorize what these two look like rn, he wants to forget this as soon as possible and so therefore tries to not see/hear as many details as possible
•im letting u know rn, curly doesnt rlly gaf, in fact he will b teasing soda about this for a good while and soda will grind his teeth each and every time
•i dont think ponys AS mortified as he would b if it was like darry or somethin, but he sure as hell still is embarrassed and even if soda SOMEHOW doesnt passive aggressively tells curly to leave, pony will tell him he has to go, just to save the both of em some sort of dignity
•sodas more so disappointed than mad tbh, ots like he wants pony to see curly isnt rlly allat good, however pony feels like he’s right here and theres more to curly than what he thinks
•ponys upset that sodas disappointed of course but he cant just abandon curly like how he wants, bc soda just doesnt rlly get it
•like i said w darry, even if it WASNT w curly, i feel like soda’d b a lil upset bc this shows that ponys growing up and its just like “damn😕”
•soda aint no snitch tho, he’s not telling anyone about what he saw, partially bc he is NOT trying to describe what he saw to the gang but also bc thats way too private of a moment w someone he doesnt like to talk about it and this his brothers business
•ill tell u one thing though, woulda been way worse if it was in pony and curlys room, soda would feel so uncomfortable on that bed, violated even
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thatdeadaquarius · 2 years ago
Note
Theres a lot of cuss words in this one so be warned lol
Bro i just had this-- insane fucking idea when i saw your "flowery words" post and i just-- omg I just had to shareee
So reader right? Very blunt, straight to the point sentences that dont dance around the bushes for 6 hours trying to tell you "oh no your house is on fire" or something, yeah? Well-- what if it turns the OPPOSITE when they start to SWEAR--
Because like-- i know myself. Me and like, so many people i know speak like that (blunt and straight to the point) but like-- when i get even MILDLY inconvenienced, i will start swearing like i have a masters degree in cursing out you and your entire flippity flappity bloodline
So id imagine the contrast to be like--
Reader, chill: aether, we're supposed to be going that way, this is literally the wrong direction
Reader, stubbing their toe: oW FUCK SHIT TITS-- WHY HAVE THE GODS FORSAKEN ME SO-- I CAME OUT HERE, TO THIS POINT, TO THIS PLACE, HOPING AGAINST ALL HOPE AND DESPITE SIGNS AND PORTENDS SUGGESTING OTHERWISE THAT I MIGHT, SOMEHOW, FIND MYSELF HAVING A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE, AND YET, HERE I STAND, ALONE AGAINST THE WORLD, FEELING ASSAULTED, ATTACKED ON ALL FRONTS, NOT KNOWING MY ENEMY'S NAME NOR HIS FACE NOR WHETHER OUR BATTLE IS DONE--
(Yes this is the "i came out here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn" post)
I can just imagjne the sHEER WHIPLASH-- like, this dude has been speaking in the "divine tongue" or whatever and then suddenly theyre immediately reverted to their "lowly mortal jargon" or something-- AHAHA
Or like-- if it just turns into a reeeeeally long string of curse words, everyone would probably be so scandalized or something lolllll
YES YESS PSPSPSPSPSPSSS COME TO ME ASKS, COME TO MY INBOX COME ! !
Anyway, with our sponsor's message out of the way,
Bless you for this 🙏 my pets are fed, my crops are watered, my skin is clear
✨️This is gorgeous, just a gorgeous idea ✨️
I LIVE for Teyvat being scandalized maidens from the Victorian era, gOD BLESS ITD BE WONDERFUL
Like our modern music?? Absolutely would give heart attacks, not even the most stoic of them would escape the blush
Esp with cussing pretty please i wish i could see the looks on their faces, they'd also probably blush at how creative it can get lmao
(daresay, maybe even impressed?)
oh the whiplash, its be so funny, every time. No one can keep up with you, you've got Teyvat linguists stumbling, the older beings cant understand you sometimes, the newer ones only understand you SOME of the time, and apparently most often? Only when you're cursing??
(I think various characters would find an ancient deity only deigning to speak their lang. when they gotta cuss smth out the funniest shit ever, like Venti, Itto, Cyno?, Diona, Hu Tao, Kaeya, maybe Kazuha, Lisa, Nahida probably would get a giggle, Rosaria, Heizou, Childe, Tighnari might like, be trying desperately to hold back a laugh but it's not working, Scaramouche/Wanderer, Xingqiu, Yae Miko would def commission a light novel for this, and Yelan - im so sorry i listed who exactly, this is so long ill stop, i just thought someone would like to see it 😭😭)
(I CAME OUT HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND IM HONESTLY FEELING SO ATTACKED RN LMAO U MADE IT SO LONG AND FLUFFY THAT WAS PERFECT)
THANK YOU!! FOR THE ASK!! WHAT A LOVELY TIME!! COME BACK AGAIN!! WHENEVER!! :DD!!
Cheers,
🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘
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fluffypotatey · 3 months ago
Text
leverage 2x03
WE GOING IN!!!!
Oooooh ok called “The Order 23 Job” 👀 so my guess is that it either has to do with hitmen or law related (OR MAYBE BOTH?????) 
Oh wait episode description say they take over a hospital floor????? What????? TO STAGE AN OUTBREAK?????? LEVERAGE??????
Y’all what am I about to get myself into holy fuck 
COURT ROOM
WE IN COURT AGAIN
wait a minute…..is it just me or does this defendant guy look familiar…..either he is the same dude from the Miracle Job or he’s just a new dude
NOOOOOO GOVERNMENT WHY
ugh gross 🤢 18 months????? fucking bs
Ok rip to me because I don’t remember the guy from the Miracle Job well but I think this guy is not him
Also, this Ronald man (paused it and the show his name on the cast list! thanks prime????) is either gonna kill the Eddie dude or be Leverage’s new client
He might assault him tho. That isn’t off the table. Assault and then he goes to jail LONGER than the white collar crime dude. Yes…..I can see that
OH HE HAS A GUN
NATE YOU FUCKING KING
AND HE STILL PUNCHED HIM!!!! I hope that felt good
Oh good just a warning
Guys am I getting a Hardinson episode??????
THEY ARE FUCKING FOCUSING ON HIM WHILE RONALD TALKS ABOUT HIS SISTER GUYS AM I WINNING?????? (I am so sorry Ronald your story is tragic and I am currently misty eyed BUT AM I WINNING YALL???)
Oooooooh did that cut close to you Nate???? An illness that could have been prevented and yet help was not afforded to you? 
How over his son’s death is Nate btw? Asking for a friend
Eliot and Hardinson shitting on rich people my beloved
Yes Nate :))))) he is a germaphobe :))) ABUSE IT
dam ok y’all just gonna talk about how you swindled some people in front of an officier (tho not like he can do much. you got your sentence and also government aid.) Jesus you must feel so invincible rn
I hate him. Eddie fucking sucks. 
“It’s about shifting fear” lmao i love irony 
Love you Bob
Man what did they drug him with?????
NATE YOU ARE NOT!!!! YOU ARE NOT PLAYING A DOCTOR (he is 🥰🥰🥰)
“Let’s go steal us a hospital” y’all i love this show
Awwwww Parker’s mini panic (same girlie. I would be asking the same questions in your situation)
Oooooooh they got ambience audio
THEY DID NOT ASK PARKER THAT LMAO
y’all Eliot and Hardinson fighting over clothes help 💀
Lmao the way they are playing up his paranoia 
YES PARKER PLEASE PLAY IT UP
HARDINSON AND ELIOT POLICE DUO????? Let’s fucking gooooooooo
Awwwww little baby boy 🥺 why he sick 🥺 awwwww it’s ok baby
Eliot stop staring at him that’s creepy
OH
oh ok understood
Eddie being all smarmy lmao you have no idea what you got into
SOPHIE!!!! 
I hate Eddie 
Awwwwww Nate giving Parker a 101 on how to manipulate people 🥺
That’s how zombie movies start
LMAOOOOO 
the plot thickens :)
Yes Eliot :3 play with their rational
“My wife just had a baby. 🥺” “His wife just had a baby 😔✊”
Hardinson repeating people’s words my beloved 
Sophie you play this so well 👏👏👏👏👏👏
Oh no Eddie 🫢 you are handcuffed 🫢
Hardinson be careful 
“Yippity skip!”
Eliot help the kid 🥺 
Nate do not rational that lmao
Sophie no 💀 what about your “boyfriend”
Eliot! You hide your ear piece! 
God I am stressed 😫 Eliot stop!!!! ELIOT
ELIOT MY KING BUT I AM STRESSED 
YES HE IS YOU BITCH
ok Eliot I was wrong. Kill that man
Awwww poor security man
“You have been exposed to an antigen that is repelled by water” STOP IT 😂😂😂😂 IM FUCKING WHEEEZING
Hardinson: doing his job
Eliot: not doing his job and instead put for blood
OH I FUCKING KNEW THAT MAN WAS SHIFTY!!!! CHARLIE!!!!! I KNEW IT
goddam why they always need to double check shit :( let the con men be free from double checking
Dammit Eliot, Hardinson is giving you some pretty good info AND YOU STASHED THAT EAR PIECE AWAY!!!! ELIOT PUT IT BACK ON
Of course it’s the fucking mob 🙄 should have known but seriously 18 months???? Why not 5 years :/
Oh of course, OF COURSE ELIOT GETS TO CHARLIE NOW!!!! Put that ear piece back or so help me!!!! SO HELP ME! SO HELP ME! SO HELP ME!
Is he gonna be chucked into a fucking morgue drawer 😔 Eliot run
OH NO
ELIOT RUNNNNNN
thank you Hardinson!!!!!! 
Y’all those are special equipment!!!!! The hospital needs those!!!! 
Ok Eliot now put the ear piece back on
Lmao Nate 😂😂😂😂 THE FUCKING SOVIETS??????? LMAO
Sorry I shouldn’t be laughing but it’s so fucking funny
IN THE DRAWER??????
Yes Parker!!!!! You are playing your role so well 💖💖💖💖
LMAO
Bob love you but please stop being good at your job
Awwww Eliot 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 
He said his real name 🤧🤧🤧
No I’m not crying leave me alone. I’m okAY
shut up
NO!!!! NOOOOOOOOO 🫠🫠🫠🫠 Randy baby boy 🤧
Alrighty. What now :/
It’s night?????? Already?????? When did that happen??????
IN THE COURT ROOM???????? EDDIE WHAT??????
LMAO 
Love you Parker
“Everyone of you is looking to 25 to life” oh baby, they have a way longer sentence if they ever get caught lmao
LMAOOOOO 
Eddie dude 😂 you are so bad at this
I love their gloating 🥰
“Kiss ass” 💀💀💀💀
Eliot stop giving Bob ideas
Eliot tell him about Randy 🥺
YEAHHHHHHHHH
YEAHHHHHHHHHJJJJHHH 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧
A-okay broskis 
I’m sooooo good 🥲
Good episode 🫠 tbh the epidemic plot was funnier than I thought it would be but like on the flip side it would be so scary to have that be played on you. Real pandemic is enough for me. Y’all don’t need to con me that shit
The fucking side plot with Eliot and the kid 🥺 y’all I’m am sobbing 😭 just how Eliot clocked that so fast and how he tried to hard to help and finally gets Randy away and safe for good (well, maybe not for good bc foster system but he shows that kid that help CAN come and he’s not alone and 🥲) 
Also, this was not a Hardinson episode *kicks dirt* BUT I LOVED ALL OF HIS MOMENTS!!! I love him so much and I want a focused episode on him so badly is that so wrong?
But man. Imma cool down and breathe then go to the next episode 
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just-null · 11 months ago
Note
Just curious, have you read a Noritoshi x reader fanfic on Quotev titled Body is one, mind is a million?? It is SO. GOOD. SO. GOOD.
Tumblr media
^^^real image of me reading that fic in every chapter
Anon, I need to make out with you rn. Why was this gem hidden from me. Tysm for telling me about this, i will think of nothing else.
heres the link if you want to read it for yourself!
[my rabid ramblings and fanboying under the cut]
FORGIVE ME FOR THE PERSON ILL BECOME ONCE I FINISH READING THIS ALL. IM GONNA TRY SO HARD NOT TO MAKE THIS MY PERSONALITY.
I read the first chapter and intro, and I'm already hooked. Stoic and PINING NORITOSHI??? + TEASING GN READER?????????? I COULD FEEL THE PINING FIRST CHAP IN IM FUCKING DONE.
dude, you have no idea how badly I needed this in my veins. it's so tough finding fics that I like, and this one is so //PUNCHES MYSELF.. man if i tweak how i write for Noritoshi bc of this fic, i'll die. tysm to the writers out there.
IM GONNA GO DELUSIONAL BRO OH MY GOD AFJEK the way Kuzure (the author) wrote Noritoshi to be annoyed by you but grow to love you. its. ITS MY FAVORITE TROPE.. kuzure........ i have to add you to the wall of heros..
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akaakeis · 3 months ago
Note
HEY HEY HEEEEYYYYYYY bokuto moment
HI SAV<33
first of all shut up and pretend I didn't see ur sideblog posts THE THING IS I LOVE LOVE LOVE SENDING ASKS BUT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW IF ITD BE FREAKY TO SEND RANDOM ASS ASKS TO YOU EVEN THO I BLEAT IN UR DMS EVERY OTHER SECOND
N E WAYS HIIII im having lunch rn !! IT RAINED SO BAD SO ITS LIKE 5PM AND IM STILL IN MY UNIFORM AND STUFF i had like.. stuff planned on my schedule and stuff :cccccc
dude the way i do NAWT feel like writing at all but also im dying to get yns pov in the first chapter like PICK A FUCKING SIDE OMFG literally had to pause writing this to think
TODAY I CORRECTED THE ENGLISH TEACHERS GRAMMAR IT WAS SO FUNNY LIKE I WAS WRITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS HUGE ASS WHITEBOARD SO I WAS KNEELING ON THE GROUND AND SHE GOES TO CORRECT SOMEONE'S (ALREADY CORRECT) GRAMMAR AND I LOOK UP TO HER LIKE UH NO THAT'S RIGHT ACTUALLY AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION IT JUST TOOK IT LIKE A CHAMP??? LIKE GIRL WHEN EVEN U KNOW UR WRONG????
THE SENTENCE WAS monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation AND SHE MADE IT WEIRDER SOUNDING "during vacation" LIKE GIRL NO??????????? sorry for ranting god im such a hater
AND LIKE THESE FUCKASS TEACHERS WONT SEE MY TEXTS (i love them) BUT THE EXACT SECOND I PULL UP TO THEM AT SCHOOL IM GETTING MY CHEEKS TUGGED AT LIKE "oh em gee alina u did such a great job we r sooo proud of u" DIE. AND IM SO SCARED CUZ IM NOT STUDYING PROPERLY OR ENOUGH I THINK AND MY SCHEDULE IS SO FREAKY AND WEIRD AND THE !! RAIN !! EW 🤮🤢🤮🤢 not that i hate the rain, it just conveniently happens NOT when im at home ready to go to school, but rather otw to school or otw home so i'm just late everywhere. also MY WATER BOTTLE DISAPPEARED?? AND THERES A GIRL W THIEVING TENDENCIES IN CLASS LIKE IM NOT POINTING FINGERS BUT BUT BUUUUUUUT um. ANWYAYS I SAW A SUBMERGED MOTORCYCLE AND ALSO MY CHEM TEACHER TAKING PICS OF THE FLOOD LIKE WTF HE WANT THEM FOR "look wife im not cheating im actually trapped in school"
dude.. biceps r so..... like... kuroo... IM LOWK A KUROO ENTHUSIAST HE IS SO YUMMY LIKE U JUST KNOW HED LET U BITE IT (my intrusive thoughts r like. if he existed irl. nom nom time) NOT EVEN IN A SEXUAL WAY BTW I JUST NEED A CHOMP
ANYWAYS I FOUND OUT LIKE RN THAT I GOT 77/90 IN PAPER 1 AND 95/110 IN PAPER 2 OF BANGLA AND I ONLY GOT AN A* BECAUSE OF THE THRESHOLD (171) LIKE WHAAAT. (I GOT 172)
ITS 5:18PM RN AND IM GNA TAKE THE FASTEST FUCKING SHOWER OF MY ENTIRE LIKE CUZ MY HAIR GREASY ASF AND ITS SO EW AND THEN ILL DO CHEM NOTES HASHTAG STUDYING TRUST ME ! ! !
ANYWAYS last anyways of the day HRU MY BABY POOKIE PIE DARLING SWEETHEART POPEYES MUFFIN CUPCAKE HONEYPIE POPSICLE POOKIEBRO HOW WAS UR SLEEP HOW WAS UR YESTERDAY HOW IS UR LIFE WHATS GOING ON AND ALSO ALSO ALSO i forget give me a sec um erm ueueue OH I GOT IT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE U FOR READING ALL OF THE THINGS I SEND U LIKE!!!!! SHIRRJSKSKSOKSKS ILY okbye!!
HEY LINA!!
yeah im gonna act like u didnt see that sideblog post bc i SAID i wasnt trying to hint at anyone... AND NO THATS NOT FREAKY?? idk man i send in asks to ness like every day bc i think its fun to talk that way!! paragraph asks are genuinely so fun to receive!! ALSO USING THE WORD BLEAT IS CRAZY YOU R NOT BLEATING IN MY DMS
omg i hope you had a good lunch!! im answering this like an hour later so i assume u already finished? idk its weird that we're 12 hrs apart 😭 AND NOOO THATS AWFUL :(( sorry to hear that love :( hopefully the rain didn't flood any area and you and your fam are all good!!
HELP THATS SUCH A REAL FEELING i was battling with that yesterday so bad omf... i feel like sometimes we can attach somewhat negative connotations w writing bc sometimes it can feel like a chore? so sometimes it's a struggle to get up and decide to write? maybe thats js me but like yeah 😓 BUT GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR YOUR APOCALYPSE AU!! ITS BEEN AMAZING SO FAR!! AND ANYTHING IVE READ FOR IT MAKES ME WANT TO LET OUT AUDIBLE SOBS ‼️ that sounds negative but i feel like you get why i want to LIKE GOOD GRIEF anyway write whenever you feel like it!! dont force it <3
THERES NO WAY??? PLEASE THATS SO FUNNY TO ME 😭 I LOVE THAT SHE DIDNT EVEN QUESTION IT OMG? YOU PROBABLY SPEAK MUCH MORE FLUENTLY THAN HER ANYWAY LMAOAOAO BUT PROUD OF YOU!!
okay like maybe im stupid but i feel like both of those sentences make sense? like "monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation" makes sense but so does "monica went to her grandmother's house during vacation" it's just that it doesn't specify whether it's during summer vacation so it can sound awkward ig?? idk man ive been stuck reading old english for the last couple of days bc of the hobbit (I DESPISE THAT BOOK IT CAN GO DIE) sigh
HELP?? I MEAN IM SO HAPPY YOURE GETTING GOOD GRADES THO!! AS LONG AS YOURE ABLE TO STUDY JUST ENOUGH SO THAT YOURE CONFIDENT IN THE TOPIC THEN I THINK YOURE GOOD HONESTLY 😨 and the rain sounds like its out to get u thats wild??? PLEASE im not pointing my finger at anyone... im just agreeing here... there's a chance 😭 having classmates with tendencies to steal is such a pain in the ass tho i hope you're able to retrieve your water bottle!! AND HELP I LOVE THE WAY YOU DUBBED THAT "im not cheating im actually stuck in school" had me giggling sm
HELLO? BITING KUROO'S BICEP IS INSANE (but lowkey i would too VERY LOWKEY because i feel like im not super attracted to big biceps and stuff idk?? but just a little chomp 😋😋)
WHATATATAT AT LEAST YOU GOT A* THOUGH ‼️ GOOD JOB!!!
AAA ENJOY YOUR SHOWER! I HOPE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!! AND YES WE LOVE A RESPONSIBLE STUDIOUS GIRL 😋
AND IM ACTUALLY DOING GOOD MY POOKIE WOOKIE SUGAR PLUM COOKIE BROWNIE PUMPKIN PIE HONEY LOML (i laughed an obscene amount while writing that)!! TODAY IM GONNA BE SUPER BUSY.. I HAVE SPEECH AND DEBATE AFTER MY SCHOOL DAY IS OVER AND THEN I HAVE VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE UNTIL... 7 PM???? I THINK???? GOD. AND I SLEPT SUPER DUPER WELL I WOKE UP RLY COZY IN MY BED AND IM STILL HUDDLED UP IN HERE LMAOAOAO 😭 YESTERDAY WAS GOOD!! I DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING I NEEDED TO DO SO I GOT TO CHILL AT HOME AND LISTEN TO MUSIC AND LITTLE PODCASTS (i listen to the bit my tongue podcast by nailea devora SOOO MUCH) AND AWHAGSHHA LINA!! I ADORE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ANYTHING YOU SEND TO ME!! ILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO READ SOMETHING YOU SEND ME!! ILY!! <3
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griancraft · 9 months ago
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Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen
Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post
Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn
The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.
I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.
But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol
Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.
with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth
And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.
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