#god forbid women have complex relationships and emotions

[science-lings]

I will not stand for this botw zelda slander!!! she’s so awesome and there’s a lot of zelda characters that act worse to link at first but then change for the better bc they met him like midna and linebeck and groose. and botw zelda had a very good reason for acting how she did towards link and their eventual friendship is one of my favorite parts of botw bc they care about each other so much!!!! ack dude I love zelda in botw and her british accent and i cant believe she’s ppl least favorite zelda character when malo exists

Like there are some actually terrible Zelda characters, like people who are extremely creepy and abusive parents and who are assholes without redemption arcs and so many people get mad at a girl for having feelings and eventually dealing with them maturely. Like people LOVE Groose but he starts out as a total douche who only wants some tail.

‘Well, she yelled at him once and that reminded me of my middle school bullies so now I hate her and think that she’s toxic and won’t think critically about her as a character she’s just a meanie and is worst than EVERY OTHER ZELDA CHARACTER’

Give me a break.

[proxablemente]

the way the people who hate what the writers have done to alicent are being called butthurt by other fans is so funny. let's not even talk about what they've done to rhaenyra, i mean the whole point of the show has been trashed this way.

this "feminist" show has repetedly tried to make its female characters the most simpathetic they could, at the cost of butchering these characters and trash their motives, because a complex angry woman CANNOT be liked. oh and while alicent gets an "humbling" arc, blood-thirsty abusive men are getting a REDEMPTION arc! and are never expected to apologize for their crimes (like beheading a child, killing innocents, gr00ming), while alicent has to be humiliated for...being bitter and resentful??

with rhaenyra they're taking the dragon jesus lane, so i guess she might get brutal?? but who knows, they've made her so sensible all season because god forbid she actually wants war😝. women are peaceful! women cannot do war! alicent is no good for regent 'cause WOMAN 'cause EMOTIONAL. rhaenyra is always undermined at the council 'cause WOMAN 'cause REASONABLE.

the only people i'm seeing enjoying this sh1t leaked finale are rhaenicents and indifferents.

i want you to understand that just because rhaenyra and alicent are in the same room it does not mean the writing is good, making alicent oh so stupid! silly alicent keeps humiliating herself, she doesn't know better! is a disgusting character assassination. alicent has become NOTHING: they absolutley could have given her a deeper realization arc, but that was definitively not supposed to happen now nor the AWFUL way they wrote it. they made alicent AN IDIOT. she just knows how to cause herself humiliation, and if you're okay with this as long as rhaenicent happens you clearly don't give a damn about what those sh1t ass writers are doing to my girl.

the writing is BAD. oh SO BAD. it's BAD BAD BAD. please see it!! it's fanfiction level!

and rhaenicent has literally been butchered as well, since the very start of the season! i myself enjoyed rhaenicent prior to season 2, but it just sucks now. they've made alicent a little lost puppy that seeks rhaenyra's approval. last season rhaenicent for them was a memory of better times, when alicent was naive and free of the feeling of fear and remorse that haunts her, and rhaenyra was free of responsabilities and consequences, of the weight of the crown that she will one day wear: it was a pure relationship where they could just be happy with eachother, when none of their lives had been ruined. thinking about it made them nostalgic in s1's later episodes.

now rhaenyra is as stiff as a board with alicent and talks to her coldly, while alicent is mostly listening to her with puppy eyes?? this is what you like???

i am mainly an alicole (and seen the spoilers it looks like it has been butchered too so... bye bye to them too i guess) but even if criston and alicent didn't happen it wouldn't have changed much for me. i have always been interested in ALICENT THE CHARACTER first of all, not her relationship with her children or criston or rhaenyra. what pissed me off about the finale is not what she did to her children, but the fact that it was A STUPID DECISION. THE WRITING AND THE WRITING CHOICES SUCK. THEY SUCK ADMIT IT STOP DEFENDING EVERYTHING THEY CHOOSE TO DO. and it was probably made to be a stupid decision just to make alicent look even more stupid so😂whatever. i'm saying this because a lot of people on twitter are now saying "now they see you alicels as you are, you only care about her because of her relationship with her children :D" MY BROTHER IN CHRIST I DON'T I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THEM. plus these are the same people that threw tantrums and unstanned her when the alicole scenes leaked 🙃. THEY are true alicels.

people need to stop consuming material for the sole sake of shipping. if you're in it for that, at least have the decency to care about both the components of the ship separately PLEASE.

man i just hate this season, i needed to get this off my chest.

(i also tried really badly to like everything they've done up until now, so if i'm just exploding now there is a reason)

[historypoem]

Ohhh, so your life is the lyrics of Tears Over Beers by Modern Baseball? Really out here, with the self-pity playlist blaring, building an entire personality out of this one scene where you’re trapped in conversation with a girl who’s nice, pretty, and, let’s be real, out of your league, but instead of saying something remotely interesting, you’re mentally rolling your eyes, thinking “Ugh, meathead monologue? Really?” Like she owes you some world-altering epiphany about life and love just because you shuffled in with your pathetic sad-boy complex and thought it would be deep if you could suffer through it? Buddy, you’re not living out a poetic tragedy—you’re just a guy with unrealistic expectations and zero self-awareness, sitting there expecting some “angelic muse” to read your mind and fall head-over-heels for your imagined brilliance. Spoiler: she’s just talking about Brad, and you’re not getting a Pulitzer.

So this is what you’ve reduced yourself to? The eternally suffering indie sad boi, trapped in his own mental cage, sighing into a beer about how nobody understands the depth of his introspective pain because they’re all too busy with “shallow” things, like relationships or having fun or, God forbid, talking about things that don’t revolve around you? You’re the guy who hears one girl mention a bad breakup and immediately thinks, “Wow, she’s got no substance.” All the while, you’re sitting there, completely oblivious to the fact that you’re the most boring person at this table. “Oh, she’s ‘friendly and thoughtful and quite awfully pretty’—but she’s got a meathead monologue? Tragic.” My guy, if you’re that picky, why don’t you just date a character from Dostoevsky? That way, she’ll be as tragically boring as you are.

You think you’re deep? Just because you can sit there judging every word that comes out of someone else’s mouth? As if you’re some tragic sage, wallowing in your own self-important critique of society. “Oh, she’s just talking about Brad.” Yeah, well, maybe if you weren’t mentally drafting your next Reddit post about “why women don’t appreciate sensitive guys,” you’d actually realize she’s just trying to make conversation. And you? You’re out here thinking the world owes you an Oscar for enduring her so-called “meathead monologue” while you sit there like a wilted Victorian damsel, like, “Oh, woe is me. Will no one lift this curse of mundane conversation?” You’re basically the guy who thinks he’s too special for small talk, but if we ever got to your thoughts, it’d just be a never-ending stream of self-pity and outdated pop-culture references.

And the way you’ve internalized this Modern Baseball song? It’s actually impressive how much you’ve twisted yourself into thinking you’re some kind of romantic anti-hero because a pretty girl dared to bring up something that doesn’t align with your imaginary script for “How Interesting Women Should Talk to Me.” You’ve convinced yourself that the true tragedy is how she doesn’t understand you, even though you’re the one ignoring her every word and counting the seconds until you can get back to your endless, sad-boy doom scroll through obscure YouTube videos.

Like, you think people are just gonna show up and start spilling their guts with deeply profound insights the minute they meet you, without any effort on your part? You think you’re so special that others should sense your tortured soul, feel your vast emotional needs, and go, “Wow, he’s worth diving deep for.” Meanwhile, the most complex thing you’ve said all week is, “Nobody gets me.” You’ve got all the depth of a kiddie pool filled with store-brand energy drinks, yet you expect people to wade in like it’s some intellectual ocean.

And let’s talk about why Brad ran away, shall we? Because Brad probably ran the second he realized he was gonna have to listen to the same mopey, monotone monologue about “the pain of misunderstood love” for the rest of his life. Brad saw that bleak future coming and did what any sane person would do—he left. Brad looked at you, looked at the energy-sucking black hole of your self-obsessed sad-boy routine, and noped out, faster than you can say “My Chemical Romance.” And now here you are, painting him as a meathead, acting like you’re the victim of shallow people. But in reality, he’s just some guy who didn’t want to end up talking about 18th-century nihilism over beers every night until his will to live evaporated completely.

Let’s face it: you’re so caught up in this romanticized image of your life being some tragic indie song that you’ve forgotten how to actually interact with people. You think you’re the dark knight of loneliness, the patron saint of misunderstood dudes with too many opinions on anime and philosophy. But what are you really? A guy who thinks he’s too good for basic conversation, just sitting there with your arms crossed, mentally berating a girl because she dared to talk about anything other than you. You think you’re Hamlet out here, when really, you’re just a dude at a bar with too much time on his hands and an inflated sense of importance.

This “life is a Modern Baseball song” mentality isn’t a personality; it’s a defense mechanism. You’re hiding behind it because actually getting out there, actually putting in the work to get to know someone? Terrifying. Because then you might actually have to talk about your own life, your own choices, and who you actually are outside of this darkly romanticized pity party you’ve been throwing for yourself since age 15. It’s easier to sit there and sulk, pretend that everyone else is too basic, too boring, too “meathead,” while you get to be the tortured artist sitting on a barstool, counting all the ways that life just doesn’t understand you.

[lizardinkart]

when people are like "i'm going to Score A Win For The Gays by performatively decrying Taylor/Brian" but actually they're just being racist

Alright it’s almost 2 AM time for an unhinged rant

This is my #1 pet peeve actually. As a pasty white queer person nothing pisses me off more than white queer people (or even just queer people full stop) using their queer/gay/lgbt card to just be another kind of bigot. You can be queer and still be racist besties! Examine your beliefs and question why you believe them!!!

But in all seriousness people performatively decrying Taylor/Brian as either “uwu Taylor must be a wlw untouched by the impure hand of Men” or “Not-as-slick-as-y’all-think-you-are racists” gets on my nerves so bad. Because you’re missing the chance to appreciate the actual text of the story AND the bittersweet tragedy of it all. Just because (spoilers) they didn’t work out and Brian dies unceremoniously without Taylor knowing or bothering to double check (right before she scrambles her brains and uses the fabricated idea of Brian in a cabin as her anchor to reality), doesn’t mean that they didn’t impact each other and make each other better (and worse) people in long-lasting ways. Yes, Taylor MAJORLY fucked up Brian by abandoning/betraying him when he really needed that stability and she promised that she could deliver it, and it’s cathartic to get out of Taylor’s head and see that he actually did find someone he could lean on in Cozen, but also we can see how this kind of young, naive, and well-meaning but ultimately destructive kind of love that I’m sure many of us encountered when we were young and fucked up in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) could manifest in someone like Taylor. Because we saw her at her best, when she was able to be what she needed to be for Brian, when Brian made her finally feel good about herself for the first time since Emma turned on her, when they found comfort in each other when their worlds fell to shit. The wounds they healed could only be matched by the wounds they made, reflexive and thematic of them being in the right relationship at the wrong time. If I made that dynamic into a queer relationship or a same-race relationship, bet people would be talking about this ship a whole lot more. But no. We have to be racist and put down het ships because everything that’s het or “Not White/the Acceptable kind of POC” is Bad and Icky and we can’t be bothered with that. God forbid it be both! Fuck riiiight off :)

(Also side tangent but a healthy dose of biphobia oft sneaks in here because everyone’s quick to write off that bi people can be in het-passing relationships too. I do in fact fanon Taylor/Brian as both being bi because men and women don’t talk about women like that *gestures vaguely at how Wildbow writes florid descriptions of women in Taylor’s brain and like, the barest bones musings for Brian, repressed bisexual <3* and not end up being some kinda fruity.)

To paraphrase my much-smarter-than-me partner, it is still revolutionary to see a black man and a white woman in a real relationship in media, especially one that doesn’t play into the tired racist stereotypes and is (at least somewhat) healthy and optimistic about the fact that interracial relationships are not only viable but completely normal and harmless and desirable. Taylor/Brian was by no means perfect, but my god was it refreshing to see a character like Taylor, a very complex feminine character that wants to be perceived as strong, smart, and capable while also being feminine and desirable without being conventionally attractive, who just wants to know she can be loved despite her trauma, and Brian, a deeply emotional man struggling with the interconnectedness of his life’s traumas with his practice of masculinity as emotionally restricting/repressing, and his desire to protect the people he loves despite the literally crippling PTSD and a tendency to hold on just a little too tight, get into a relationship and actually work out there for a sec. And the fact that you get all of this obvious love and care and attention put into an interracial relationship on TOP of that is just chefs kiss 11/10 best shit I’ve seen in my life. It is such a welcome change to your average tasteless, de-clawed straight or even gay relationships in media or fandom and I would actively pay to see another Taylor/Brian style pairing over 2 conventionally attractive twinks/femmes being uwu cute at each other.

This was a very meandering and scattered rant but yeah. This is by no means excusing any of the actually racist stuff in Worm, because it’s certainly in there, but I can talk about that a different time.

Thinly veiled miscegenation-phobias and generalized racism begone! Stan Taylor/Brian for clear skin and an actually well-written romance.

[ninareviewsfilms]

The Fantabulous Comeback of Harley Quinn

“Behind every great man is a badass broad!”

Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn follows the iconic antiheroine: Harley Quinn, as she navigates life after finally leaving her abusive and dependent ex, Joker. Unlike her previous fetishized depiction in Suicide Squad, Harley is no longer hyper-sexualized through the male gaze. Instead, the sequel consists of a female-fronted team, of all ages, races, and sexual orientations. Thus, the film is shown through both a female and queer gaze. It intentionally and unapologetically subverts the male gaze, but in an authentic way by focusing on the relationship between the five female characters. From cinematography to characterization, Birds of Prey quite literally said “fuck you” to Suicide Squad and completely reconstructed the gaze, surpassing its predecessor in every way possible.

Perhaps the most circulated image of Harley Quinn, is Margot Robbie stripping her clothes in Suicide Squad in an overtly sexual manner, shamelessly catering to the male gaze. It is interesting to note how only Harley had an undressing scene as her male counterparts stared in desire. Her body is constantly objectified by the camera through closeups of her bare body, almost never focusing on the face.

In Birds of Prey, a similar scene of undressing occurs, except this time, the cinematography does not objectify the female victim. The villain of the film, Black Mask, forces a man to undress a woman in public, with spectators all over. Instead of the camera closing in and panning on the undressed body, the cinematography focuses on the horrified face of the woman, and those around her. It reveals the villain’s nature without the expense of sexualizing the female victim. It doesn’t glorify rape culture like most, if not all, scenes of assaults on women do. Instead, the film accentuates the sheer pain and horror women feel when being sexually harassed or assaulted. And with that, a message to all male directors: it’s really not that difficult to show violence against women without sexualizing them.

In Suicide Squad, Harley was only seen through the views of others, but in Birds of Prey, she narrates her own story, displaying her independence and fun personality without being sexualized, or de-sexualized. The spectrum of women in superhero films is often either innocent and cute or overly sexualized and mischievous. Character development is non-existent. God forbid women are allowed to be complex and flawed. Relentlessly, Birds of Prey addresses this and seeks to set a new spectrum for women to exist outside of male desires. This is also seen in the characterization of men. The men, including the villains, are not all displayed in a “macho” or “manly” style. Instead of the sexualization of their ab muscles, we see their reserved personalities. Men actually show emotions (one even cries) in this film! They don’t have to be unemotional or bold, they can be calculating and resourceful – something apparently only women can be.

Moving on to the most obvious difference – Harley Quinn’s fantabulous ‘I-need-no-man’ makeover. Previously, Harley’s appearance in Suicide Squad is truly voyeuristic-scopophilia come to life, fetishized beyond belief. Thankfully she now sports colorful, and playful, outfits that put comfort above all. Yes, it is still revealing but it is evidently a creative choice made by Harley herself, reflecting her explosive personality. Instead of wearing lingerie to sexily fight (sorry boys), she can now comfortably kill in t-shirts and pants.

Finally, slipping in my favorite scene when Harley offers a hair tie to Black Canary mid-fight, I thought to myself: “this is it... this is what it is to be a woman.” As a woman, this is the ultimate form of solidarity. A small but powerful act that I’m sure all women have experienced. Truly, this is a film made by women, about women, for women.

Birds of Prey flips the switch from Suicide Squad, and introduces a new Harley Quinn: no longer Joker’s property, she becomes fiery, vibrant, and most importantly, an individual woman. Yes, she still has faults, and sure, she has brutally tortured and killed many, but it is precisely this freedom of flaws that breaks stereotypes and solidifies Birds of Prey as a superior woman’s film.   

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

I've been binging Ray Donovan. This may be a impertinent question. However to all or any straight men. Does it ever get boring and pathetic and sad and just plain revolting to constantly wanna stick a dick in it? Because as a lesbian and woman I'm like WOW! I'm completely nauseous with just the amount of women he's fucked but with how many he no doubt wants to fuck. I just be over these women that either have daddy issues or I need a white knight complex. Some of those women are so pathetic. If I was him I'd be like no bitch with the sad please fuck me face, I'm not fuckin you!! It will not slove any of your fuckin problems and if I do I'm just gonna be a dick to you later is that what you want? Damn bitch! But Ray Donovan would have far to enlighten as human being to do that... so instead it's stick my dick in it!!

One of the things I've found I truly hate about Ray Donovan character is constant need to fuck almost every woman he has as client or one of his clients sends for him to help... but their only women of current age of course. God forbid he fucks a woman of his own age or older that's not allowed! 🙄

I really would of liked to seen Ray Donovan and Susan Sarandon's character Sam Winslow have a sexual relationship that would of been badass!! But did that happen of course not! It also could of been because Ray Donovan couldn't handle being with a powerful woman!! Because he be a little bitch! But ultimately I think it's because the show deemed her "too old" for his character. I know this series is from 2013 - 2020 so not that long ago but can we move on from this main lead actor mid 40s - early 50s in series can only date/marry/fuck women 20s - mid 30s 🙄. It's so fucking over, it's so fucking boring, it's so fucking pathetic, it's soooo lame!!

When I was in my 20s, shit in my late teens, early teens, fucking ever I never wanted nor I date women in their 20's, I wasn't even attracted to them! I'm sorry their boring... so boring! Especially when I in my 20s and lord we were dumb! I always... always was attracted to women in their 40s! So I'll never understand straight men ever! Maybe the truth is their as dumb as the 20 year olds they want to fuck so much!

I know this isn't a true statement of a hetero men... thank goodness but I think of them as human beings first then their gender. Where men are just their gender, it sums up their whole being, their personality, their emotions, their mind set, maybe it's their shit dna or something but they have yet to evolve pass, lizard brain, monkey brain, caveman brain. Their also tend to be abusers, violent, angry, mean, assholes, criminals. Now they can choose to evolve, but it takes work, time and consistency. They aren't known for that.

[sexysilverstrider]

I did not realize I sent that ask to a Leaf fan blog, you're just one of my most frequently found mutuals if that one time I liked and reblogged 300 posts from you is anything before getting jumpscared by you and learning you weren't a fancy named bot and also active. Anyways. You GET my vision, don't you. Look at how sassy Leaf is in Pokemas, look at how many character traits you can pull from Evolutions (if you are a greenleaf truther) even if not...Trace calls her big sis in the japanese version and cross-canon counterpart Pokespe Blue and Silver are chosen siblings.....let a girl have relationships and a life with people that isn't dragging Reguri to a diner to hype romance before shashaying out is all I'm thinking. Have you read "The Ash Connection?" It may be an acquired taste to some people but gosh I'm always shaking the screen over Lance and Leaf's relationship there like UGHHH. Mentor-Mentee relationships I tell you. Agatha telling him that if he makes an exception for one, then he has to for all after learning how some kids fall into Team Rocket and all the messy stuff there and Lance, gruff as he is, still caring sm, and being shooketh when he meets kid Leaf and her words reflect a rocket grunt's situation sm, and taking her as a student and owjihsnj her being so smol in his giant chair and reading big books and telling Steven she's a g-men agent too and him being all?? yo?? when did we induct pre-teens here?? you're literally 10? and Lance going "just turned 11 actually" and Steven being like...that is not helping your argument. they are SO silly pls, PLSSS. and even though im OOF at Silver and Leaf not getting along they are still fun because whoop whoop they ran into each other at Lake Rage where Silver had his "btw G-Men guy you might wanna watch the lake" and then dipped from TR to run away moment while ALSO going "oh I see. so the G-Men also take kids in like TR" moment which causes a "oh that kid was YOU" realization years later and a fight of "when you ran away from TR, you feared for your life. I'm fearing for my happiness" bc Leaf getting dragged along with Ash Shenanigans and straying from the plan means Lance may be TICKED with her and kick her out and cue lots of insecure "oh. he deactivated my card. im fired fr..." and Lance going "actually no, I did that to protect your identity in case we had a data breach. which we did." and his Serious Walk Talk about how "*insert lots of names* would be if so and so didn't step in"* and that's why he kept her and mild 😅 over how "in some ways, you are like me" but also be better. and then the symbolism of her backing away until she stood at the tip of his shadow. and also just how much Lance keeps reading into her schemes and actions and Leaf being annoyed by it but also when she finally gets a sneaky ;) "I did wonder if he ~ could ~ call a draw. checkmate I win ;D" to drop the pieces so the Indigo title gets split in half. like THAT IS MY LEAF. also when Unova Guy Dad told Lance "is she your student or your child" and "do not make the same mistake as I did with you" like HELLO??? and Lance on the plane learning she got hurt and just leaning an arm against the plane and all the Champions in the room are like "yo?? that's sm emotion from him..." meanwhile fandom is like "god forbid women be complex, or let teenage girls have confusing feelings to work through and be children" I gotta do everything myself around here le sigh. and that wonderful OP who wrote that fic of course. sorry I dunno if you'll even read all this but I had to blab.

we can write a wholeass essay in asks now?????

[ichayalovesyou]

Spock In A Box

I’m noticing a really ironic pattern in the ways people are getting mad and complaining about the way Spock is characterized in Strange New Worlds.

Frequently, people seem absolutely CONVINCED he has to be a certain way, a or b, him leaning more heavily into one or the other, or god forbid, neither. Has people up in arms

He has to be gay! Spock interacting with women he cares about or loves, nevermind that the female characters he has relationships with (and their actresses) have their own complex opinions about the matter, or that he might be a different sexuality than you assume he is, that’s NOT MY SPOCK

This version of Spock is too Vulcan/monotone when he speaks, he’s not Human enough, NOT MY SPOCK

This version of Spock is too human/emotional, he’s not Vulcan enough, NOT MY SPOCK

Spock doesn’t punch bullies he is an no-exceptions pacifist (no he isn’t and yes he does, see: Where No Man Has Gone Before, This Side of Paradise, Yesteryear and many more), NOT MY SPOCK

Spock doesn’t make jokes he’s too Serious to be a goofball (no he isn’t and yes he does, see: A Piece of The Action, I, Mudd or pretty much anytime he messes with McCoy), NOT MY SPOCK

Have y’all considered how a decade is a long ass time, and that chances are you are not at all the same person you were ten years ago (I know I’m not, I was a middle schooler!) and that maybe that’s neither a good or bad thing?

Have y’all considered that you’re putting Spock into the exact same boxes he puts himself into that is deliberately framed as a bad thing because it is? That Spock’s whole journey is teaching himself (and us, the audience) not to do that?

Have y’all considered that Spock contains multitudes that will come out in different degrees depending on circumstances, like, idk, most people?

Have y’all maybe even considered, that Spock being able to contain these multitudes is the reason why he’s such a unique and beloved character that many minorities can project onto? And that it’s kinda soul crushing to watch people who love that character get offended when he tries to be more than he is?

Have y’all considered? Considering?

[studiojeon]

bitterness in goodbye | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. sadly, you can't read this as a stand alone (meaning: feel free to check the previous parts ♡)

| summary | - You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

warnings: none (?) i mean chaeryeong insults jungkook which is an atrocity in itself but-

contents: we diving into the angst my friends. jungkook is an innocent, kind hearted soul, i promise. oc's got the feels (out oct. 1) for jk. idol!jungkook × student!reader.

author's note: I EDITTED THIS FROM MY PHONE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS? also, thank u for the amount of support i've been receiving lately, i appreciate everyone lots. feel free to ask away or suggest anything btw, i would love to write for any prompts you guys come up with. 💞💗💖💘💓💕

words: 1.57k

playlist: honey by halsey

Four weeks later, the receptionist of your apartment complex hands you over a cardboard box with the hoodie Jungkook and you had talked about that day on the Han River. Jungkook kept pestering you to please please please send him your address for confidential purposes, which you knew had to do with his determination to literally provide anything that catches your eye right away. You assumed it was a sensitive topic for the boy whether people had purposefully taken advantage of his money before, so you didn’t dare to say anything when the man asked you for your size literally two hours after he dropped you off, scared to either reject his solidare intentions or piss him off for bringing unwanted memories back. In  your defense, your personality type keeps oscillating between INFP and INFJ so it’s only natural that you take extra care to make sure those around you have as much peace of mind as possible in your presence. 

As pretty and comfortable the piece of soft clothing is, an important factor is missing, something that you can’t recreate buying two of the same size and color, and that is Jungkook's escence and how good it looks on him in comparison to anyone else in the world. Meaning, you didn’t like it as much as you thought initially would. And it absolutely did not have to do with the fact that your short stature made you look like a toddler who stole their dad’s jacket.

Still, in order to show Jungkook how much you appreciate his gift, you bring it to work the next day, and the rest of the days after that, with the excuse that with winter rolling around you needed something to keep you warm in the office. Jungkook doesn’t miss the opportunity to confirm your assumptions regarding your appearance whenever he barges into your office randomly throughout the week, arguing that ”you look so adorable” and doesn’t stop for two weeks more, until he gets used to seeing you wearing something you shared with him. Which doesn’t help ease your growing romantic feelings for him whatsoever.

Because yeah, you liked Jeon Jungkook, just like every human being with eyes and sexual desires, except, you didn’t just like him in a superficial way, and that’s where the problem with him resides. Though you are sure everyone has fallen in love with the endearing boy at some point - especially the excluded and invalidated women of society - you can’t help but place some blame on you for allowing yourself to be swooned so goddamn easily. Your mom had said to you at some point to be wary of the way some men would talk to you when you grew up, their intention usually being getting inside your pants, which has happened to you more times than you'd like to admit. And with the argument that she knew you better than anyone, she claimed you would comply right the second someone talked sweet to you; you despised the fact that was the case with Jungkook (and Jungkook only), although he had never shown any sexual innuendos. What your feelings could do to your relationship with Jungkook and your rather chill lifestyle scared you to death, shiver me timbers and all that shit, having romantic feelings for someone else is embarrassing, especially when your chance with them has been scratched out the second you laid eyes on them.

Jungkook sits on your couch, legs spread on your thighs as you two pretend to watch some series on netflix. “I don’t buy for a second the act you’re putting on right now.” he speaks randomly after staring at your deep-in-thought state for a few minutes and laughs when you snap at him for not letting you overthink in peace. “What’s going on?”

Truth is, you don’t fucking know. A few hours before he arrived at your place (you had to pick him up at the dorm and sneak the both of you through the subterranean parking lot, because god forbid someone saw Jungkook arriving at some chick’s dorm on a saturday afternoon) you swore you would be able to conceal whatever emotional turmoil you had going inside of you without compromising your regular behaviour around the man, but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to keep yourself from wondering how far you could go before that special someone found out what was going on inside of your head.

Jungkook’s phone rings in his pocket with some annoying tone he had downloaded illegally from youtube the same day the company had handed over the device as a gift for him (you still were a little bitter over how they neglected the rest of the staff but you also knew it was kind of impossible for the human kind to just gift a-thousand-dollar-phones to almost five hundred people out of solidarity). “Hyung?” he picks up, still wary of your unusual behaviour, concerned eyes looking at you. “No, uh- i’m with Yugyeom right now.” and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

You have been suspecting for a while that Jungkook is being hesitant to introduce you to his social circle. Although, you’ve tried your best not to take it personal, it is getting harder to resist the urge to ask him what the fuck is up with that. The fact that Jungkook had to lie about the person he was hanging out with broke your ego; he could’ve just said he was with a friend, right? You suddenly feel like you’re fifteen again, when the guy you liked would love you in the dark but pretend he didn’t know you in the light. 

Holding your tears back, you gently push him off and make your way towards the bathroom in the most nonchalant way you could. This is your fault for falling for the nice popular guy in the first place, you remind the reflection staring back at you. Still, as bad as it hurt, there was no way you were going to cry over a stupid boy, let alone when he was literally sat on the next room. He can go fuck himself if he thinks he can just toss this behind as if nothing ever happened.

You text Chaeryeong instead.

“chaery bom bom: i swear to god i gonna throw hands the next time i see the bitch.

chaery bom bom: like who the hell does he think he is? fucking squidward looking asshole.

chaery bom bom: he ain’t even that cute bub, you’ll get over him. i know jinyoung wouldn’t treat you like this”

You sigh. Chaeryeong has been enamored with the idea of you and his former company colleague from GOT7 since the day she met the guy (which was somewhere around ten years ago), and although he was all that, you didn’t like his quiet and cold aura, it intimidated the fuck out of you (Jungkook was the entire opposite of that).

You spray on some perfume just to have an excuse as to why you randomly ran to the bathroom when Jungkook’s inquiring eyes stare as you sit back on the couch, which is exactly what he does. “You done with your call?” you ask, bitter.

Jungkook frowns, a bit taken aback by the sudden question but still unaware of the way his words had made you feel, not even sensing the hostile change in your mood. “Yes, it was one of our managers. He was wondering if I could come back to reshoot some...-thing.”

Okay, now you kind of understand as to why he lied in the first place and to say you feel guilty is an understatement. “I supposed he backed down once you mentioned you were hanging out with Yugyeom.” playfulness makes its appearance on your tone and Jungkook rolls his eyes at you, tongue poking on the inside of his slightly red cheeks.

“Sorry for that” he moves closer and cuddles your arm, like a sad guilty puppy. “It’s just- I don’t want them asking questions''.

You understand. He is a very reserved and private person after all. It took you a bit to crack him open yourself. Plus, you kind of share that trait with him, you’d hate it too if people were constantly on your nerves for the people you decide to hang out with. 

And that’s all it takes to forgive him. Not very cash money of you.

“You better not pull that shit again, though” you shift in his hold and he looks up at you. One look into your eyes and he knows what you mean. “I’ll kick you out.”

After nodding, Jungkook resumes his concentration on the series you picked out for him. Due to your short attention span, you are very picky about what you invest your time in, especifically with audiovisual pieces of media, so Jungkook trusts you whenever you recommend something on very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, Jungkook was busy attacking your kitchen counters for snacks (which you didn’t have) when you mentioned Money Heist. “Munch on some grapes instead” you suggested to soothe his disappointment.

You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

[vidalinav]

Rant Obvi... This time about age gaps

Now that I’m writing a fic where the bat boys are the age they were during The War and thus wayyy younger and more mentally similar to the Archeron sisters, I wonder why SJM made the age gap so obvious... and also so large. 

Like for me personally every time Feyre doesn’t actively show that she’s involved in court politics or not in a meeting with the IC or having sex after she has a disagreement and that being highlighted as a regular occurrence for Feysand, and when she’s disadvantaged in any way with her decision being last as opposed to first or them looking to Rhysand for confirmation to listen to her whether it had a rational/reasoning or not, WITH the added baby plot, both her not knowing about the risk and then ALSO getting pregnant at 23 when in previous books she’d said she’d wanted to wait and Rhys himself was scared she’d resent him because she was so young, I notice the age gap. I can’t ignore the age gap. The age gap whether meaning to or not makes a problem and the text enforces that problem because it’s never taken care of, never disputed with evidence. We see Feyre being more disadvantaged in this book then we ever see her being given some sort of power. In theory she has power, but no evidence that has she has true equality. 

In ACOSF, when Nesta was making friends with people mostly her age, them bonding over similar experiences, similar mind frames, hobbies, even doing maybe more childish things like making friendship bracelets, having sleepovers, this is juxtaposed with her relationship with Cassian who is supposed to be “the real man” in her narrative and also the instructor/trainer and also the keeper because he is the one who’s supposed to watch her during this intervention which she doesn’t have a choice really about, (because having bad options is not a choice, as proven many times even past the actual intervention). She has no money, and she has no place to go, which he is then plotted to be her emotional stability in a time where she is not emotionally stable, and every time she disagrees with him and they have an argument, he lacks control of his emotions even being the older person and then doesn’t apologize in the text and the text doesn’t make him accountable, but Nesta is accountable. Nesta feels guilty. Nesta feels ashamed, whether her feelings are caused directly by him or not. And then Nesta consistently puts him on a pedestal that he doesn’t deserve, and none of this contradicted because Cassian neither acts her age, nor is not advantaged by the situation, nor has the growth needed to show that perhaps he is learning to be better.

Then we have possibly Gwynriel/Elriel scenarios, but both of them have the same issue. Because we have a rather toxic male figure, who is stereotypically troubled, who is going to fall in love with one of these girls, when he has had an unhealthy obsession over his best friends that he’s never gotten over. Both of these girls are seemingly in a bad place. Both of these girls don’t have a lot of control. Elain doesn’t have control over anything, which she is trying to negate. And Gwyn is afraid of the world, which you know of course growth. And even though either relationships could potentially be about collective healing, because we already know Azriel has a very skewed perspective and relishes in torture, also never voices his troubles, but glues himself to an idea of a woman that can never be fufilled... it doesn’t point in a very good direction. 

So then I ask why make them so old? Why not plan for them to be young? The War lasted 7 years. Make them 100 as opposed to 536, and cast it off as fae grow idk slower. OR make their mind frames and their attitudes not so blatantly older than their love interests. Or make a scenario where the women are not obviously disadvantaged. I hate to be that person and I never thought I would be that would say that SJM whether she knows it or not is writing some OVERTLY problematic things. And it’s not something that can just pushed off as character flaws or world building or misinformation, because it’s happened more than once and it’s not actively negated. It’s not these characters are bad, it’s these characters are written like that because SJM is not paying attention. I think she needs to examine some of her values, or at least what she conveys aware of it from the start or not. It takes more than giving women power (and then taking it away) and making them warriors to show that women have complex narratives. 

Why the lack of healthcare in this world for women? (i.e. Feyre and Emerie). Why the constant assault on women, to a point where they have a library full of SA survivors? Why is it that the only LGBT character must hide who she is I’m assuming in direct result to the actions of a male character? Why the emphasis that only these female characters need a healing arc, but god forbid the male characters have any growth or do anything but supply the D? Why no women rulers in Prythrian up until Feyre, when there’s so many human queens assumedly having power? What story is SJM trying to write? What is so empowering about this? I have heard that so many times. Show me the empowerment. Show me how she writes progressively. Show me where the healing is.

Tell me why I am still reading this series. Like for real? 

[ghoste-catte]

multiples of 3 ✌🏼-sgmdrcklee

@sagemoderocklee you’re really trying to kill me lol

This got long as heck so I’m throwing it behind a cut. Read on for answers and fic recs! (Mostly the fic recs)

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

This is a tough one to answer for me generally because I tend to spit words onto the page and once I have written them I no longer remember writing them. And 2020 has stretched on so long that as I’m looking at some of the stuff I wrote in the beginning of this year, I hardly remember what’s even in it. I think at one point someone (@goblin-draws maybe?) mentioned a line in Sleeptalk with Me where the innkeeper calls Kankuro “chubby boy”, and I was like “Oh ... did I write that? Yeah, sounds like something I’d have someone say to Kankuro ...” 

It might be easier to talk about this in other terms. One of the scenes I worked the hardest on this year was the fight scene in Chapter 3 of Skeleton Key. The original draft of the scene was a lot shorter, and a lot of the backstory for Misaki’s revenge quest was elided. The scene as originally written was clunky, confusing, and as my lovely wife/beta put it sounded “like a Naruto villain” was doing the dialogue, when previously she’d found Misaki sinister and intriguing. Which wasn’t what I wanted. I basically entirely overhauled the scene and re-wrote it several times. I wouldn’t call it a ‘favorite’ scene (I hate writing fight scenes generally; having chosen to immerse myself in a fandom about ninja where much of the drama comes from battle is my eternal regret), but it is a scene that I put a lot of effort into, and I’m moderately satisfied with the improved product that resulted.  

6. least popular fic this year

By far my least popular fic by kudos ever is Pitch Perfect. Which makes complete sense to me. It’s a fic where I’ve written 2 characters who are men in canon as cis women, which pushes a lot of uncomfortable buttons for a lot of people. It contains F/F smut, which is something that a lot of people who choose to read GaaLee probably aren’t out there looking for. And people comment and kudos less on smutfics, I assume because they don’t want their username attached to porn or because they’re embarrassed (which I totally get, no shame there). It’s a modern AU with a sports twist, and AUs are often less popular than canonverse in my experience. I will say though that it has a surprisingly high number of private bookmarks compared to other fics with comparable hit and kudos counts. So I assume people are just a bit more shy because the premise is so ‘out there’. I will say as far as my fics go, it’s one of my personal favorites and probably one of the most intimate and true-to-life things I’ve written? So it actually is a little comforting to know that something so vulnerable has relatively little attention. 

9. longest wip of the year

If we’re going based on stuff that’s partially published but not complete, my Gaara-adopts-Shinki fic On My Way Home is my longest in-progress fic at just over 20k words, although technically I started it in 2019. It will probably end up being right around 40-50k when it’s complete, which might end up situating it as my longest fic ever? 

12. favorite character to write about this year

Okay, this is an easy one. I love writing Kankuro. I think he is hilarious. He is the devil on my shoulder and a creature of pure id, and every time I write a line of dialogue for him it’s the summation of my rudest thoughts about a situation put in the crudest possible terms. If there were a megaphone directly from my unfiltered brain giving running commentary, that would be Kankuro.

15. something you learned this year

I have learned SO much this year! This is only my 2nd year properly ‘focusing’ on writing fic and investing any substantial time into it. I think the biggest thing I have learned, though, is how to overcome a lot of my self-consciousness about writing stories with NSFW elements in them. Starting out, I was so extremely shy and mortified about writing fic at all, much less things like hugging or (god forbid!) kissing. So taking on the smut prompts I took this year and really buckling down on learning to write the mechanics and emotions of sex has been a massive learning experience. (And sorry, by the way, if I haven’t gotten to a prompt you sent me in January yet. I do intend to write all of them eventually!) 

18. current number of WIPs

Ah. The call-out question. My general fic process is idea -> outline -> wip -> edit -> ready to post (where the final draft sits in my docs until I gin up the courage to actually post it). So skipping fics that are just “ideas” on the big mega-list, I have 3 fics in the “outline” stage, 13 fics in the partially written “wip” stage, 1 fic in the “editing” stage, and 2 that are complete but yet-to-be-posted. So, like, 19 total in the offing. (The “ideas” list is even worse lol.)

21. most memorable comment/review

This is such a difficult question because every single comment I get makes me do a little dance for joy. That’s not an exaggeration btw I really sit there and like bounce around in my seat for a moment before I open the Ao3 email. I am not an especially emotive person irl, but there have been times I’ve been brought near tears by comments. I’ll also occasionally show them to my wife like !! look at this nice thing this person said !! and she’s indulgent enough to actually read them. There have been a couple comments that have really stuck with me, that I starred in my inbox and return to frequently, but I don’t want to bring attention to someone else without their permission. I will say there was one person recently who mentioned (not in the comments on one of my fics) that they had found someone who does physical binding of fanfiction and they were about to ask my permission to do that, but then the person who does the binding only does certain ships that she likes ... so that, just, absolutely floored me. The idea that someone might actual want a physical copy of my stupid little ninja fanfictions is, like, so truly immense and completely overwhelming?

24. favorite fic you read this year

You can’t make me pick just one!! (For reference, I have bookmarked right around 180 fics in the past year, and that’s not including fics that I just read, really enjoyed, but didn’t think I could ‘handle’ a second time around.) So, skipping over the ones that AREN’T Naruto ... here is a brief sampling of some faves:

Silica by deepestbluest (rated E, GaaLee, ShikaTema, and Kankiba) - An absolute emotional powerhouse of a fic that manages to skillfully interweave three complex relationship dynamics, satisfactorily resolve them, and give you ALL the sandsibs feels in just over 10k words. 

Childhood Not-Friends (series) by MegaWallflower (rated G, KakaGai) - @megawallflower is a KakaGai god for good reason. Absolutely adorable relationship development fics (five of them!) with the premise that Kakashi thinks he and Gai have been dating since they were kids ... Gai just hasn’t been clued into it yet. These stories will give you heart-eyes.

The Bright Side by gidget_goes (rated T, GaaLee) - This is the Buffy AU I never knew I needed, because I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But truly you don’t need any Buffy knowledge to enjoy this fic. @gidget-goes command of imagery is masterful, and the way they manage to snap from snark to tugging at your heartstrings is awe-inspiring. Gaara breaks my heart in this. And did I mention Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat? Because Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat. 

Nature vs. Nurture by Bidiza (rated T, GaaLee) - So introspective and so poetic. This looks like a WIP but it’s actually multiple oneshots, although by the end of the second one you’ll be dying for the rest of the promised series. 

I’m a Fool to Want You by BeelieveRosemarie (rated M, GaaLee) - Turns out @tuttiefruttiegaalee isn’t just an amazing artist, they’re a writer, too! Slow-dancing that will break your heart. Listen to the Frank Sinatra song while you read this for extra tear-jerking effect.

Let Love be Known (series) by TenTomatoes (rated G, GaaLee) - This is the twist on the arranged marriage trope and Beauty and the Beast that I didn’t realize this fandom was missing. I’m absolutely obsessed with their concept of Gaara as the Beast

I Could Be by LilacNoctua (rated T, GaaLee) - I know I big up @lilac-writes Worthwhile series a lot (deservedly so, because it’s so good it makes you look at the series and go “Why the fuck didn’t Kishimoto make this canon exactly like this?”), but this story made me absolutely die between the butterflies in my stomach and how hard I was laughing. There’s one line--you’ll know it when you read it--that absolutely bowls me over every time I re-read this. 

And Then Continue by EgregiousDerp (rated E, GaaLee) - Obviously I’m biased because this was a gift, but @egregiousderp writes some of the the best characterized porn I’ve ever read. You will read this and go “Wow! This is exactly how it would happen!” It’s such a tender, beautiful exploration of Gaara’s insecurities and a very real feeling first time, for all its soft edges. 

Cake by citronelle (rated E, KanKiba) - I don’t even know what to say about this one other than ... phew, this is extremely well written, extremely hot, and extremely in character. Just read it. I promise it’s worth it. 

Saudade by YumKiwiDelicious (rated M, GaaLee) - I’ve run around reccing this to just about every person on the face of the earth at this point. If you’re in the GaaLee Discord you probably saw everyone salivating over every new update of this fic and with good reason. The twists and turns of this fic will have you on the edge of your seat, second guessing every single moment. And it will break your heart in the meantime. What more could you want?

the love potion commotion by floating_cats (rated T, NejiSasu with background GaaLee) - One of those fics where you wish the author’s sense of humor was your own. So many hilarious moments in this story, and it brought me a new appreciation for a ship I never would have even considered. 

Finger Lickin’ Good by whazzername (rated E, GaaLee) - Whazz is another one of those authors where I literally want to rec every single thing she’s ever written, she’s just that good. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Fools Rush In and its sequel Degrees of Separation, you’re missing out on the best possible Metal origin story of all time. Don’t deprive yourself of this.) But this story is just ... so incredibly in character for a situation that reads like crack. It’s handled with the utmost straight-facedness and it’s so. freakin’. good. 

heart lines by winterberry_holly (rated M, NejiTen and GaaLee) - I don’t even have the words to describe how perfect this fic is. It’s a truly beautiful exploration of Tenten’s relationship with her palmistry hobby and with the people in her life. My heart ached with every single line. 

Standing on Ceremony by kuroashi (rated E, GaaLee) - This is just ... such a beautiful wedding story. So lovely, like getting the best possible warm hug from someone you love. If that love one was slightly strange and socially inept, because, well. It’s still Gaara doing Gaara-things. @baphometsss is another one of those authors whose handling of smut scenes is so stupendous it makes me wildly jealous. 

Thrall by RokiRiot (rated T, GaaLee) - Idiots-to-lovers with a magic AU twist! This is such a wonderful story, and Gaara’s internal monologue is absolutely amazing. And Lee is Deaf in this fic, which I never ever get to see and which absolutely made my entire day/week/month/life. 

Make-Out Consequences by LuxaLucifer (rated M, KakaGai with background canon Boruto ships) - I laughed so hard reading this that I had to take a breather to stop crying. That’s not an exaggeration. The characterization in this fic is impeccable and the humor is to die for. Naruto’s buffoonery truly shines here, and the author’s wit is just beyond anything I could even properly summarize. Hysterical. A++. 

Thirteen Strokes by Luna_Lee (rated T, GaaLee) - Again, like, if you aren’t reading literally everything @sagemoderocklee writes, are you even really a GaaLee fan? But this fic is beyond even for one of Eeri’s incredibly excellent writings. The worldbuilding in this, the cultural notes, the imagery ... it’s all so lush and so fulfilling and so beautiful. It’s a story about love and it’s a story that you can tell has love poured into every single line. I can’t recommend it enough. 

Checkmate by shadowstrangle (rated G, GaaLee) - The pettiness vibes ... this is so funny. Such a cute story and I love Gaara’s sense of humor here. Not a lot of writers give him a sense of humor, but I love how @shadowstrangle gives him a slightly odd, slightly left-of-center take on humor that still manages to be so funny. 

To Court a Village by FanFictionEngineer (rated G, GaaLee) - Another one where my bias is perhaps slightly obvious, but the premise of this fic is amazing. I love cultural misunderstandings, and the idea of Lee trying his hardest to court Gaara ineptly is just so perfect. 

affliction of feeling by theformerone (rated E, SakuHina) - One of those ships that it would never have occurred to me to seek out but that absolutely works with how the author’s set it up. The dynamics here are delicious. It’s so rare to find good F/F porn but this is one of them for sure. 

Tried and Tested by twentysomething (Rated M, KakaIru with background canon Boruto ships and GaaLee) - Iruka’s narration in this story is just incredible. I haven’t laughed this hard reading a fic in ages. And the concept alone (that Naruto can’t be promoted to Hokage until he passes his chuunin exams ... as an adult ... and Sasuke gets dragged along for the ride) is just brilliant. Amazing concept, amazingly executed. 

a fireside waltz by winterberry_holly (rated M, GaaLee) - I really tried not to rec a single author more than once here but for this one I had to. I got about halfway through this fic and immediately started running around ringing the town crier bell like READ THIS FIC! READ THIS FIC! An absolutely smoldering Regency AU with such beautiful, intimate dance scenes. My heart was racing every single time their fingers brushed. If you don’t read anything else on this list, at the very least read this. 

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

I really can’t pick just one. I am lucky enough that @egregiousderp passes me her drafts under the table before (or without) publishing, and getting to read those is a private treat of unparalleled proportions. Some of my favorite things I’ve read this year I can’t even rec because they’re her unpublished stuff. 

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

This is gonna come off strange because I just wrote such a long Naruto reclist, but I recently watched What We Do in the Shadows, and found an incredibly talented group of authors in that fandom with really amazingly good dialogue and narrative voice. I also read a lot of fic for the new It movies (even though I couldn’t watch the 2nd one for ~reasons~), and damn if there isn’t a talented crop of authors in that fandom, too. And finally with ATLA making its way onto Netflix, I had the chance to start watching that for the first time and found a ton of really good fic there as well! 

fanfic end of the year asks!

[shoyouth]

*falls in* hi :D may i request a reaction (or actually analysis if that works better) with dazai and chuuya and their thoughts/feelings on committment?

chuuya ; it’s not a question of whether chuuya can commit, but rather to who, and to what level of importance.

I wholeheartedly see chuuya as a romantic and a family man, the kind to sprinkle roses on the bed, treat you to fancy dinners, and to take your child to school. I believe it’s realistic to imagine that chuuya does want that (he’s oddly very normal, sometimes), but it’s not a priority in his life at that moment—I mean, he’s in the port mafia and constantly in conflicts, so presently, he’s very focused on himself, his work, and feelings of anger within the same regard.

If given enough time to simply rest, he probably likes to fantasize about romance and spoiling a partner. He probably likes to flirt around the town (not as terribly as dazai did though, of course, make sure to never compare him) but in terms of actually committing, well, that’s an entirely different issue. chuuya would like a relationship, someone to cherish, but he isn’t sure if it makes sense for him, for the time and his lifestyle.

We know chuuya can be caring—he hates dazai, yes, but isn’t he the one who made dazai stop shooting the dead body in their old days? Did he not let himself get bossed around by the sheep because he wanted to look out for them? He’s on the “evil” side but he himself is not without reason, feelings, or morals.

The most crucial point of whether he can commit or not is based on his loyalty to the port mafia. If you were to somehow become involved, you would have to understand that you come second to the port mafia, no matter how much he loved you. After the sheep betrayed him, he committed himself wholely to the port mafia; his workplace is his family, his purpose—it must come first.

But we must remember that chuuya is not the kind of person to half-ass his loyalties; you either receive all of him or none. Therefore the easiest way for him to be willing to commit to someone/feel comfortable being romantic and starting a family, is if you’re already with the port mafia. If not, it would be more complicated.

I don’t see chuuya ever pretending to not be with the port mafia; he is a genuine, direct person and would despise the idea of fooling you, and if he is going to give you all of him, he must show all of himself to you to begin with. You must accept him as he is, and he would only ever dare to do more than flirt if he felt like you were not hiding anything either. And, if you were determined to stand by him, you would have to give up your old life and join the port mafia. If you weren’t willing to accept all of him or, God forbid, beg him to leave the mafia, he would cut off your romance (no matter how long you’d been together/loved each other) and never return.

When mori was out of commission due to the virus, chuuya was the stand in leader. Therefore, with the power he possesses, you would instantly be a target as his lover. You would have to give yourself over to him as he did to you, and you’d have to trust that he’d protect you in the port mafia, whether you worked for them or simply stayed in their headquarters. He would hate to take away your normalcy and freedom, so whatever was in his power he would grant you; chuuya would love to spoil you and make sure you’re safe and comfortable.

So, in essence, chuuya would love to eventually fall in love and protect his partner, but he would only commit if it was an all or nothing for both parties. The bond he would probably have with his lover would be deeper than many other relationships, and I believe a trusting romance would do a lot to make chuuya feel comfortable, stronger, and to heal.

There is a constant reminder of danger though: the port mafia always comes first. And if you were ever kidnapped to get at chuuya, he would do anything in his power to save you, and if he were to fail, he would probably never forgive himself nor would he ever be the same. But if there was nothing he could do and he was forced to choose between either you or the port mafia, well, you knew what his choice would be from the beginning.

dazai ; simple answer, no, he cannot commit. very, very complex answer? yes.

We know dazai is emotionally very complex, even “dead” sometimes, because he is quite morally grey. This is in due part to his traumatic experiences with mori and the mafia, but he joined the port mafia to fill the void in him. Something in dazai is, with lack of better wording, not right, and there is some kind of psychological clog in his emotions and mentality. So to reach him romantically? That would be very difficult.

Possibility, a romance could “fill the void” in him, and though I don’t think he would even want to try that approach, it wouldn’t work for him. dazai wants to find meaning in living for himself, and that can’t be found through proving his worth and protecting others, like it works for atsushi (because even oda told dazai that saving vs killing didn’t matter much to him, but it would be more “beautiful” and more meaningful for dazai, though it’s debatable whether dazai‘s view of the two has changed). If he were to enter a relationship with this broken mentality, the romance would be shallow and only damaging towards both parties.

I would even go so far as to say that dazai has either locked his emotions far below the surface or there’s an actual disconnect. I don’t see dazai as “guarded” so much as “calculated” because it’s obvious that dazai thinks very logically and he is intelligent, almost to the extent of rampo. He predicts many moves of enemies and he seems to always know what to do. Though he may flourish an emotional/dramatic attitude, when left by himself, he is a lot colder and it sends a shiver up your spine. He is, after all, still an ex-mafia member, and he carries those experiences with him, whether locked away or present on his sleeve.

At the very least, dazai has trust issues. He may care for his coworkers, but at arms length. The only true friend dazai had was oda, and I believe that part of dazai died with him. It was only when oda planned to kill that dazai’s calculating and dramatic exteriors dropped and he panicked. dazai most likely never wants to open up to that kind of pain again, for he hates it, doesn’t he? Just like physical pain, romance entails fights, betrayal, jealously, anguish—dazai probably wants a double suicide because he must admire the deep kind of bond lovers have, the idea that you would only want to go out with them by your side—but he wishes to escape all of the pain and skip right to that bond, just like he searches for a painless death.

If you wished to still pursue him, to take him and all his psychological wounds and bandages, it’s like a gamble because of how unpredictable yet perceptive he is. You would most likely have to know who he is inside, who he used to be, who he is consistently hiding to instead be who oda told him to be. but to do so you must be very, very careful. Based on your wording, your circumstances, your body language, you could be perceived as an enemy trying to get at him and he will block himself from you with no entry, even if you prove yourself later. It’s easier to maintain an act on high guard than it is to tear down the barriers and bare himself, to think through his past and actions.

The only people who have really seen that past dazai were the old mafia members: mori, chuuya, akutugawa. I’m sure he doesn’t pretend everything in front of the ada, but similar to chuuya, for him to open up there must be some acceptance of him wholely, that there’s no chance of you running away after so much is exposed; he would only clamp up further, more intent on becoming the “good man” oda told him to be. To take off the bandages, you must be patient and understand that you may never get them all off, that he may never fully open up to you.

I do not see dazai as a very romantic person. Yes, he flirts with many women and always talks about pleasing a woman, but I don’t see him as the type to desire a partner to rely on and love, like chuuya. He is a very private person, and most likely loathes the idea of sharing all of himself with another—even from a logical standpoint, it would only prove as a potential weak spot. He may joke, but he wouldn’t be the type for flings, one night stands, or marriage.

If you were able to enter a romantic relationship somehow, he would perhaps put on a show of physical affection for the ada, holding your hand and boasting about you. If you’re made for him though, you would also know it was exaggerated, and the truest way to know he cares is if he is able to relax that tiny bit with you in private, that he lets you gently unravel his bandages, that he kisses your lips with a slight hesitation. You may never have a relationship with an official title and he may still talk about suicide, but you know you’ve found a place in his heart if he speaks seriously and may question committing the act, even if his uncertainty is brief.

[girlsbtrs]

Patriarchy and Pop Punk

Written by Theresa Cambe. Graphic by James N Grey

Yes, misogyny exists in almost every genre of music. Rap and country are usually at the forefront of this conversation, however, today we’re going to dive into the misogyny in pop punk. Lets face it, the misogyny is just covered up with layers of nice-guy, sad boy introspection but deserves the criticism just like everyone else. Just because a man holding a guitar gets vulnerable for a second, it doesn’t mean he is exempt from possessing misogynistic tendencies.

Despite the sexism built into this genre, I am more than guilty of partaking in my fair share of pop punk music. I would try to be at every State Champs, Neck Deep, Real Friends, The Story So Far, and every band of the sorts in between, concerts in Southern California between the ages of 14-16. I finger pointed and yelled those angsty lyrics right back at the bands while crowd surfing towards the stage in whatever sweaty venue in LA they happened to be playing at the time. I bought the merch, I hung their posters up in my room, I reblogged their concert pictures on Tumblr, I was about it. And trust me, “No Good” by Knuckle Puck could come on shuffle again and have me passionately screaming the lyrics while driving alone in my car around my god forsaken hometown (but I love my hometown, contrary to the popular sentiment). However now, I am more conscious of its problems.

I think this is the case for many other non-male enjoyers of this music when they also recognize its misogyny. Of course, there is nothing wrong with enjoying pop punk nor do I think enjoying this music makes you a bad person or inherently anti-feminist. A good portion of the demographic for these bands are women. With this large and important part of the fan base, we should start considering the safety of the environments and attitudes they create.

The attitude of misogyny and objectification is built into the foundation of pop punk. It is apparent in whichever “wave” of pop punk you want to point to. Early Blink 182 and All Time Low music videos had women in them to be silent sexual objects parading around the rock star band. There’s Weezer’s infamous sexist, nerd-rock anthems. “Thank God for Girls” sings “Called upon to employ your testosterone / In a battle for supremacy and access to females glued to the TV”. In a Genius lyric annotation of the song, lead singer of the band, Rivers Cuomo himself wrote “I’m so jealous of the hooker-uppers. Seems like it’s so easy to get laid now. All these good looking athletic guys are getting so much free sex. It kills me. Such a bummer. Such a bummer. To be evaluated by women. To be graded. To be rated. Where do I stand? How big? How strong? How enduring? How energetic? How inventive? So sad that it comes to this. So sad. It IS a competition and I AM being compared”. It is really quite ironic that Cuomo writes this but in the same breath has lyrics “The thing I finally found with these other girls in town / She got hot, and they did not” from the song “The Girl Got Hot” and also “You come like a dog when I ring your bell / I got the money and I got the fame / You got the hots to ride on my plane” from the song “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived”. Then there’s also every song on the album Pinkerton that we don’t have time to get into. Even if this self-deprecating behavior is no surprise from Cuomo, it’s concerning and rooted in some serious hate. If you want to argue that it's all satire, they’re still weird thoughts to have.

I can go on about these recurring lyrical themes. For example, there is The Story So Far’s song “Roam” with the lyrics “I know where you’ve been, you’re ruining men, never again will I let someone in”. And the classic from “Mt Diablo” that sings “Do you look at yourself straight in the eyes and think about who you let between your thighs?”. Then there’s FIDLAR’s song “Whore” which as we can expect from the title, says “Why did you go betray me? / You’re such a whore”. Then there’s the mess of “Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis'' by the band Brand New, which writes “I got desperate desires and unadmirable plans / My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent / Bring you back to the bar / Get you out of the cold / My sober straight face gets you out of your clothes.” Look into any corner of pop punk and you’ll find these questionable attitudes, but I digress.

These men play the nice guys and aim at making you believe he is the protagonist in every situation. The commonality between all these artists is that they obsess and fantasize over a girl then turn completely sour once rejects them or leaves a relationship. They want a “cool girl” to listen to underground music and really comfort their sad, misunderstood selves but won’t allow them to make a decision outside of his own benefit. Because god forbid these women have their own thoughts and exercise their own actions! Their fantasy is essentially a manic pixie dream girl that doesn’t speak or act out against anything. These men beg to be at the center, and get aggressive when they aren’t.

This is not to be confused with writing a sad song after you got broken up with or hurt by someone in a relationship. This is also not to say that all women are exempt from having toxic behaviors or from being written about. The guise of the patriarchy also harms those it seeks to benefit and therefore enforces rules of masculinity that restricts men from expressing their frustrations and emotions. I believe that writing music about unrequited love or difficult feelings is a healthy way to combat these roles. However, there is a major difference between processing rejection and hating women for rejecting you, which is an area many of these men seem to blur together.

I still have love for these bands and this genre. I can still go to their shows and have the time of my life, easily. But it wasn’t until I got a little older and more realized with my femininity did I revisit these songs and wake up to the fact that it might have not always been in my favor . I was probably too young to notice or care and was distracted by the catchy, yelly tone and how fun it was to jump around to that I never really sat with what some of the lyrics really meant. It was a major factor in my own internalized misogyny back when I was in the throes of it all. I didn’t want to be like those awful girls that these pop punk dudes kept singing about. They were always described in such a terrible way, that all they do is betray and backstab people. They wanted a “cool girl” to understand them and not be like them. So I rejected femininity and disliked other girls as if I’m in this sort of competition for the sad band dude’s attention. I was idolizing these men whose music mainly centered around their disdain for the women they had experiences with so much that it stuck in my brain that I shouldn’t be like them, that I should be appeasing these people I look up to. But I’ve grown to realize that I was only hearing one side of the story. It was a straight white man’s voice constantly, no one else. This one sided narrative created a false perception of reality, one rooted in a sad boy victim complex, that women are the enemy that shouldn’t be trusted because they couldn’t fit the weird male fantasy these dudes possess. Rarely are women represented in this music except through the lens of a man, which as we saw is almost always disdainful or as a character rather than a fully realized and autonomous person. Women are portrayed as commodities to obtain. It alters our perception of reality.

But with most things you love, you want to see them get better. This music has a fond place in my heart and signifies a really fun time in my life where I found my love for music and concerts. But the genre and the spaces it creates has its own set of problems that I want to see improve.

We have to realize that music has a greater impact on culture. The attitudes that create the genre of pop punk affects the audience that consumes it. The one-sided narrative they build implants harmful ideas about relationships and dynamics into their young fans, as it did to me. Regardless if you want to say lyrics are just lyrics and are meant not to be taken so seriously, artists have so much influence on their fans. They are perpetuating the nice guy narrative that men are owed something from women. And sometimes we unfortunately see this point of view reflected in these band member’s actions. The accusations against them for sexual assault, grooming, and manipulation of young girls runs rampant in these spaces and remains to do so. They abuse their positions of power and influence. Using self-pity in songs does not excuse the shitty things you do.

[svpervixen]

This was my entire life for 3 years. I’ve spent the last year working desperately to recover from manipulation and endless gaslighting.

Gerard gaslights like it’s a second language, and as if there’s absolutely no shame in doing so.

1-2. I’ve caught him in lies, WITH PROOF, only to be demonized and attacked for asking about it.

3. Green Day, Final Destination 3, my sisters, my friends, my parents- the people and media I care about the most- I was either restricted from seeing/indulging in, or was actively insulted/demonized for having any interest/love for it/them. It’s as if everything that made me who I am, everything that made me passionate and zealous were a threat to him simply for empowering me. And god forbid anyone who cared about me attempting to protect me from him. They were either kicked out of my life, or I was shamed/guilted for trying to spend time with, quickly leading me to never see them at all.

4. There are too many examples to list. Oh my fuck even thinking about the amount is overwhelming. “I’ll be better”, “I would never do that to you”, “I care about you”, “I care about your interests”, “I’ll get a job”, “I won’t ever do that again”, ETC ETC ETCCCCC

5. He was insecure so I was made to feel insecure. He felt lonely so I was made to feel lonely. He had a history of cheating on people so he endlessly accused me of doing the same. He hated a lot of people for stupid, immature reasons and expected me to hate them too, and in some cases actively go after them. He had zero patience with several different kinds of people and expected me to act the same. He hated himself and constantly accused me of hating him. To name only a FEW.

6. ALL of the friends we made together have sided with him. He gets close to them, “admits” to a watered-down, purposefully-vague and misleading version of the truth to PRETEND he’s taken SOME form of accountability, and then goes on to exaggerate EVERY aspect of my own problematic actions I exhibited in response to being terrorized, beaten down, and cornered ENDLESSLY. He uses fine, real-life details and a shameless delivery to convince these people I’m something that I’m not, all in the pursuit of covering his ass. He tells them I’m toxic, “psychologically destructive”, that I was a “drunk who battered him”, etc, when all of it is a bullshit lie or gross exaggeration lacking vital context. Losing my friends to this was one of the things that scared me away from leaving him for a while because I KNEW it would happen, as I watched the ways he demonized and lied about people for 3 years leading up to it, knowing it would happen to me and he would utilize any and all people who showed any leeway in not believing me.

7. It’s really easy to dismiss my speaking out at this point by calling me an obsessive, psycho, crazy ex set out to ‘hurt you’, isn’t it? There’s already such a grand misunderstanding and prejudice towards emotional women voicing their pains, ESPECIALLY in the form of a relationship with a man. But really, is that all you have? Calling me ‘crazy’? Telling everyone else I’m ‘crazy’? You ever consider telling them the truth? That the REAL ‘crazy’ was the barbaric mind games, manipulation, and dismantling of self you put me and the others through? Hm? How about that? Or is that too integral for you to comprehend?

8. I was told my exes raped me when they hadn’t, I was told the love I felt for people in my past wasn’t real, I was fed antagonizing bullshit about my own family and friends whenever any of them got too close to me or too curious about my shutting down after getting close to him. Anyone who dared to threaten his righteous spot in my life was an ‘enemy’ and treated as such, through and through.

9. Do I need to say anything on this one? The only reason he’s “owning up to” anything is because he KNOWS he can’t escape ALL of it. If he were to deny everything outright, the backlash would be far greater. Instead, he cherry-picks, he utilizes white lies, he gives an inch of bullshit and expects you to run with it for miles. He sells it well because he’s soulless. But what he has ‘owned up to’ is bullshit because he NEVER dives into the extent of it, he never acknowledges just how fucking awful he was, he leaves the majority of the abuse he caused out of it, and he plays the victim in order to form allies because empathy is a very strong and molding emotion. This is exactly why all those he’s closest to are empathetic as hell; he knows what works.

10. I was never allowed to have my own truths. Things as simple as words like “trigger” extending to the most fundamental parts of myself (my journals, my favorite band that saved my life as a young teen, the time I spent living in a different state) were rewritten to be something they weren’t. All because my strength, character, and the people who helped shape me were just a massive threat to him. And for what? All I can reckon is his god complex.

11. Apparently I’m overreacting now just as much as I was then. All of it was projection, as he was the one constantly overreacting instead of communicating with me. And it makes sense; he’s always been the one with something to lose. Not me.

The physical abuse was awful, but nothing was as damaging or lasting as his endless gaslighting and manipulation. I’m not ‘letting go’ of the way I was treated and the lack of humility he exhibits that leads me to conclude he will do it again. He is a dangerous liar and no one will convince me otherwise, and especially those who didn’t spend nearly 1,100 days of their life being subjected to it.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Ad Astra or This Movie Was the Brad Pitts

Ad Astra was the worst movie I have paid to see since 2015’s Kill Your Friends, which is my least favourite cinema experience of all time. It was a dry and dreary story about emotionally stunted white men in a bleak and boring capitalist version of space, with jarring and superfluous Christian undertones. The plot and everyone’s motives were so non-existent that Brad Pitt had to narrate the whole thing in a monotone so flat and dead I literally screamed all the way from the cinema to the bus stop when it was over, partly out of a frustration so deep it was non-verbal, but also just to finally hear some pitch variation.

*Ad Astra spoilers follow*

There technically were women in this movie. Lots of women, particularly women of colour, occupied high ranking positions and were addressed by their titles, a touch I think is important and that usually tips the scales in favour of a good review for me. We were graced with Adjutant General Vogel (LisaGay Hamilton), Captain Lu (Freda Foh Shen), Sergeant Romano (Kimmy Shields), Tanya Pincus (Natasha Lyonne) and Lorraine Deavers (Kimberly Elise), as well as several unnamed female personnel (Kayla Adams, Elisa Perry, Sasha Compère and Mallory Low). I would like to particularly highlight Natasha Lyonne’s performance as apparently she was the only actor employed to play a human being and not a replicant. She was on screen for maybe twenty seconds, as is sadly the case with most of these women, but was a glorious breath of fresh air as the only character to simultaneously emote expressively and speak with inflection and enthusiasm. The only one! In a two hour movie!

All of these women appear to be respected and capable members of various illustrious teams, but are always outnumbered by men. There are two male generals alongside Vogel and Deavers is initially outnumbered 4:1 on her space craft by men. Tragically, whenever a team is being picked off, it is always the people of colour who die first. Not only is this obviously racist, it is just a disgusting cliché that we just don’t need to see anymore in movies. Deavers dies first when Roy (Brad Pitt) forcibly invades their vehicle, followed by Franklin Yoshida (Bobby Nish), an Asian man, and Donald Stanford (Loren Dean), a white guy, is the last to go. Roy cradles him in his arms and attempts to save his life. I hope it’s not just me that sees something wrong with the order of events there.

A similar scenario takes place in the lunar chase, which absurdly seems to occur in the same crapy looking buggies as the original moon landing, a confusing visual choice considering we’ve just seen a vast and impressive modern concrete moon base. The film takes the time to introduce us to Willie Levant (Sean Blakemore), a black officer who will be escorting Ray across the moon. As soon as we see he has a photo of his wife and child taped to his tablet screen I knew he was going to die - in the year 2019 I should not be able to predict that a black character is going to die because we saw a family photo. Can we just not anymore? Again, aside from the racism, that’s just shitty writing. I like to think that as a species, if we can conceptualise something as vast and seemingly impossible as solar travel, we can also move beyond basic and derogatory cinematic tropes.

I was most excited by the appearance of Helen Lantos (Ruth Negga), a woman of colour who occupies a position of power on Mars and introduces herself assertively using her full name. Also, her whole look was excellent. However, this brief release of serotonin was very short lived as she literally walks Roy down a corridor then is immediately cut off and superseded by a white guy with a man bun. Lantos does return later, but alas, as an exposition machine to give Roy some plot news about his dad. Even as she explains that her parents were murdered by his, Lantos falls victim to the dire, emotionless monotone that I can only assume was forced on the entire cast of this film. Then, she is an actual chauffeur and drives Ray to a manhole so he can continue his dad quest. A character brimming with original potential is presented as nothing more than a device.

The final woman to mention is the first one we see, Roy’s ex-wife Eve (Liv Tyler). We see the blurry, out of focus back of her head in the background of a shot before we see her face, and this is incredibly telling, because that’s all Eve is, the simulacrum of a woman. She could be anybody - so why she is Liv Tyler defies belief, I can only assume they held her loved ones hostage - her story is untold and entirely irrelevant. Again, she is only a device, although this time not for Roy’s forward momentum, but this time seemingly to emphasise that Roy is a total sociopath with no emotions whatsoever. We don’t learn Eve’s name for another twenty minutes, and it is an hour and twenty minutes before we hear her speak. Even then, it’s not a live conversation, because god forbid this film have too many of those, but a voice recording explaining that their relationship is over. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure that’s what it was, but everything she said was so generic I have no memory of it whatsoever. She is presented as a ghost, a blurry image on a screen, a memory fixed in time, not a real person with agency and personality. At the end of the movie we finally see her in real time, and that is when she has made the unfathomable decision to meet Roy for coffee. Even her face in that moment gives no emotion away, perhaps because Tyler had no idea how to act this entirely nonsensical decision. To our knowledge, she would not have seen any change in Roy, only received news that he survived a dangerous space mission, which is apparently enough of a reason to get back with this emotionless egg of a man?

I almost didn’t want to devote words to them, but I think it’s important to address just how dire Roy and his dad H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones) are. This is their film, they are the reason that all of these women’s stories are passed over. It is made clear over and over again that both Roy and Clifford believe they are the only people capable of completing their various missions. Roy hijacks a ship and inadvertently kills everyone on board because he thinks that it’s his destiny or whatever to get his dad back, never mind that they were all highly trained space personnel who were arguably better suited to the mission precisely because it wasn’t their dad. Clifford straight up murders his whole crew because they are too “small minded” to fly off further and further into space forever on a mission that has yet yielded absolutely no evidence of their goals. A variety of talented human beings are destroyed because of the entitlement of white men, their delusional and unshakable conviction that they are at the centre of the universe and that no one else could possibly accomplish the lofty goals that kismet apparently calls them to.

The way they speak about themselves and to each other is absolutely psychotic. Roy’s solo musings include, “The flight recorder will tell the story, but history will have to decide,” and “In the end, the son suffers the sins of the father.” Clifford imparts his son with the delightful greeting of, “There was never anything there for me, I never cared for you or your mother or your small ideas.” In addition, they both physically flinch from human contact at various points in the move. Now, I totally understand that we live in a neurodiverse world and that many people experience emotions and social interactions in any number of ways, and that is a beautiful thing that makes our world so interesting to live in. However, that these men both abjectly state that they have no empathy is presented within the context of their megalomaniacal ideals that they must accomplish their god-given quests irregardless of how many people they have to kill along the way. It is a facet of their strangely two-dimensional, arrogant and narcissistic personalities, not one part of many complex features that make a complete and relatable human being.

Roy has to literally say out loud that he is a human being at the end of the movie; “I will rely on those closest to me…I will live and love,” which makes him sound more like a learning AI trying to pass a Turing test than anything else. The music swells as Clifford throws himself towards the surface of Neptune in an orchestral deluge that is unsubtly significant in this very quiet film, as though I’m supposed to start crying and think anything other than, “well thank fuck, it’s about time this murderer dies in the cold vacuum of space, I hope Roy stays spinning and screaming here forever too.” We are supposed to feel sympathy for them as the heroes of this movie, despite the fact that they show no care for anyone else throughout the whole thing and act entirely in their own self interests.

Overall, the women in this film are given about five seconds of potential as they introduce themselves variously as decorated soldiers and otherwise capable personnel, before being shoved to the side, or murdered, for Roy. This is obviously objectionable, but is made so much worse by the fact that Roy is an emotionless, entitled, empathy-less white man who doesn’t care if other people have to die for him to get what he wants. That is what these women are being passed up in favour of. I felt like I was watching a two hour long Voight-Kampff test. Space movies like this should be about what we can achieve if we work together as a species, not about how white men will still be the kings of dreary capitalism, even on the moon. We can do better than this.

And now for some asides:

What the actual fuck was the font at the beginning? I guess a red serif all caps should have alerted me to the fact that I was about to watch a horror movie.

As a lover of space horror, I was absolutely gutted that it was a bad CG angry baboon and not a cool gross alien. Also, what was that scene? “Hmm, we need to get rid of this loser because Brad Pitt is the best at space ships and he needs to be the captain. Uhh…what about…space monkeys? Yeah! Space monkeys on a deserted Norwegian ship. That makes sense.”

Can I just have a film bout those moon pirates fighting space capitalism please? I was more invested in them that anyone else in this garbage movie.

Credit for the Bradd Pitts joke goes to the talented and lovely Ed Cheverton

[redrobin-detective]

Lesson One: Be Yourself, Lesson Two: Forget Lesson One

I’m back on my bullshit again with a Wayne Girls shot. I think I’d mentioned waaay back in the day when I was talking about my genderbent Robins/Batgirls that fem-Tim/Tabitha would have a much more complex and kind of ugly relationship with her father. Jack Drake strikes me as a man who wouldn’t be happy to learn that his precious princess was actually a scarily competent combatant. Uh expect more stuff like this because I’m trash. 

“Don’t stand like that,” Jack Drake said in a quiet, irritated voice out of the corner of his mouth while Dana was on the other side of the kitchen putting away leftovers. Tabitha looked over at her father in confusion as she set down the dish she was drying.

“Like what, Daddy?”

“Like you’re about to punch some hopped up junkie drug lord out,” he responded harshly, taking a moment to frown at her in a way he probably thought was intimidating but she’d learned to weather Batman’s disappointment so it was lukewarm at best. Still, she mentally assessed her position and posture. Had the reveal and forced retirement of her cape caused her to slip into fight mode even at home? Her shoulders were back, she was comfortably balanced with one hip jutting slightly off to the side. True, she could be battle ready in moments but she didn’t feel like Robin right now. She felt just like Tabitha Janette Drake, as much as she knew who that was nowadays.

“I’m just standing here, I’m not-” she defended

“Are you two keeping secrets from me?” Dana teased from across the room causing her and Dad to freeze but Dana seemed oblivious to the palpable tension. “Well I think it’s great the two of you are connecting, I’ll be watching TV in the living room when you’re done conspiring.” She added with a wink before leaving the kitchen entirely. Tabitha wrung out the semi-wet dishcloth, trying to figure out how to navigate this awkward situation. Robin training didn’t cover ‘how to cool your parent’s jets about your vigilantism’ if only because pretty much everyone else was an orphan. Dad sighed roughly, rubbing his eyes with one hand while the other braced on the counter.

“Honey, we’ve talked about this.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she frowned back, putting her hands on her hips. “All I’m doing is washing the dishes; you’re the one making this weird.”

“No, this is what I’m talking about,” Dad said, angrily gesturing over at her. “You never used to do this before, you never used to-,” he stopped suddenly, pressing his lips together into a hard line.

“Never used to what?” Tabitha asked with annoyance.

“You never used to talk back to me like this,” he said finally. “Before, before Wayne you used to respect me. It was always ‘Yes, Daddy’ or ‘sorry Daddy’ and you were my perfect little princess. And now, now you’ve got scars and muscles and you’re looking at me like you’re contemplating the best way to crush my windpipe.”

“Daddy, that’s not even close to true,” Tabitha soothed, holding up her hands.

“See?” He gestured back, “Even my name doesn’t sound sincere, it just sounds fake. Everything you’ve been doing since I found out has seemed fake.”

“That’s because it is fake, Dad, it was all just an act to get you off my back,” she snapped before retreating back, demurely crossing her arms over her chest. So much for Father-Daughter bonding time. “I- you and mom didn’t want a scientist or president or, god forbid, a fighter. You wanted a princess and so I played the part, it began long before I approached Bruce and then it became a convenient way to divert suspicion about what I was doing.”

“What? So you faked your entire personality? Jesus Tabitha,” Dad laughed, leaning back against the counter and running his hand through his hair. “I feel like I don’t even know who you are anymore!”

“Well you never even bothered to learn about me in the first place, just as long as I was sweet and pretty and compliant you let me do just about whatever I wanted,” Tabitha shot back.

“That’s not true,” Dad retorted.

“Did you know I used to sneak out late at night and take pictures of Batman and Robin throughout Gotham when I was eight? I caught a plane to San Francisco when I was trying to convince Dick to become Robin again, used your credit card and everything. I’ve come home with everything from split lips to broken bones but as long as I covered it with enough make-up and charm, you didn’t notice. You were too busy chasing after your physical therapist.”

“Tabitha Drake that is uncalled for, you apologize right this minute,” Dad growled, putting his finger in her face. In the past, Beth would have simply lowered her eyes, said what her dad wanted to hear and that would have been the end of it. But now that he’s in on the big secret, taken Robin from along with all her friends, confidence and independence, she’s grown tired of all the deception. She looked him in the eye and gently but firmly brushed aside his patronizing finger.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, Dana is the best thing that could have happened to you but my other points remain,” she said resolutely. “You’re my dadd- my dad, I love you very much but this is who I am, who I’ve always been. It’s true I like sundresses and cute things but I also like punk music, skateboarding and putting together puzzles. Did you know I’m considered one the best bo staff users in the League and people look to me for answers and help. I understand why you don’t like me being Robin but I feel like I was doing something meaningful with my life, I felt like I was finally me.”

“No,” Dad laughed dismissively. “That’s Wayne talking, he turned you into this. You might think you like all this fighting and other nonsense but I know men like Wayne, they make manipulating sweet young girls like you into an art form.” He set his hands on her shoulders, “and now that I’ve gotten you out, you’ll see. You’ll go back to being my little princess and forget all about this nightmare.”

“Oh what, you think you saved me?” Tabitha spat, “like I was some damsel in distress? I was doing just fine before you decided being Robin was ruining my life.”

“You’re just a child, Tabitha, you don’t know what you want and don’t act like I’m some raging misogynist here to crush your dreams,” Dad rolled his eyes. “I’ve always supported women’s lib, your mother was tough as nails and Dana is smarter than me any day of the week. You’ve got to learn being a strong woman doesn’t mean you have to be, well, strong.”

“Because you’d prefer being the strong one in any relationship, usurping Mom’s family company and running it into the ground, pursuing Dana until she caved to your advances. You just want to control me like you have all the other women in your life,” Beth sneered, knowing she was going too far but when one truth came out, the rest tended to come along for the ride.

She saw it in his eyes, in his body language before he even started to move. It began with the twist of his back as his arm came up, preparing to strike her. Time seemed to slow down. She’s stunned in a way, her parents may have been negligent but they’d never raised a hand to her. True, she’d never spoken like this before but it’s still a bit terrifying in its own way. Had he ever hit Mom? Or Dana? Was he going to try and hit her anytime she said something he disagreed with? The open hand approached her and she watched it with detachment, as if it was a scene from a bad movie instead of her life.

She supposed she could let it connect, god knows she’s taken far worse hits. Maybe hitting her would release some of the tension and things could go back to normal. The thought startled her enough that pretty soon her instincts cut through the fog of her emotions and reacted. Her hand darted out and expertly struck his elbow, throwing off his momentum and allowing her to easily grasp his wrist before he managed to slap her. She could easily subdue him from this position but this was her Dad and instead she locked herself before she really hurt him. For a second, they stared at each other with matching looks of horror over what they’d each almost done.

“Are you guys still whispering in there?” Dana called from the other room and the spell was broken. Tabitha’s grasp slackened and Dad pulled his hand away and held it against his chest.

“Oh god Tabitha, I’m, shit, I’m so sorry I don’t what came over me, I- you know I would never hurt you, right baby?” Dad babbled, looking sad and pathetic. The hand that had almost slapped her said otherwise but she decided she’s spilled enough ugly truths tonight. She pulled the curtain closed around her heart and started in on damage control.

“I’m sorry too Daddy; I said some things I shouldn’t have,” she said, lowering her head and playing lightly with her fingers. “Is your wrist okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, quite a grip you have there, Tabby Cat,” and that brought a small smile to her face. He hasn’t called her that in years, hardly anyone called her Tabby anymore. It’s a childish name for someone who punched out people’s teeth on a nightly basis but she liked hearing it none the less. It felt a little bit like normal, even the fabricated normal she’d learned to live with. “And Tabitha, don’t- don’t act like that.”

“Like what?”

“You’ve got to stop pretending, baby girl,” he sighed and turned away from her. “I’m clearly not as good a parent as I thought I was, letting you live this whole other life behind my back. I’ll do better to get to know the real you if you stop hiding behind this imagined person you think I want you to be. Just be yourself, that’s all I want. Now that this Robin nonsense is over with, we have a chance to start over.”

“And what if you don’t like the real me?” she asked quietly.

“Oh I will, I’m sure,” he mumbled before twisting his mouth and looking away. “Come on, Dana’s waiting on us,” Dad said sternly before shoving his hands in his pockets and stalking out of the kitchen. He’d never been much of a liar preferring to ignore and redirect. Her mother had been great at it, telling bold deceptions with a sweet smile. Tabitha wondered if Dad saw Mom in her or if he saw something else entirely. 

Either way, the full truth wasn’t going to do this family any good. Dad was already strained by recent revelations, her constant mouthing off and bossiness would be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. Bruce and Rachel would give anything to have their fathers here, alive and worried about them, she should make more of an effort to get along. He doesn’t like this new, confident, domineering Beth and he’s seen through her saccharine pretend Tabby so perhaps something in the middle.

She’ll exchange ‘Dad’ for ‘Daddy’ and tone down the sweet, submissive innocence she’s used to sprinkling around him. It’s not quite the real Tabitha who swears like a sailor and can fit 8 marshmallows in her mouth and orders adults and metas around with the expectation of being obeyed but it’s close enough. Well not really but if she’s lying to everyone else she might as well lie to herself.

“Tab, are you almost done in there? Bring out some ice cream when you come,” Dana’s voice carried from the living room.

“Sure Dana,” Tabitha smiled a sweet smile that would fool almost anyone, and set out to do what her stepmother asked. It was what a good daughter did after all.