#from early years where she was just a little girl to be seen not heard

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

Folk were really into the post I made about Tandie, the zoo lion with a (then) undergrown mane due a period of time on testosterone blockers. He's having quite the glow up this summer.

But!

Did you know that manes are hormone dependent in both sexes of lion?

Let's talk about maned lionesses!

To recap the previous post quickly: the existence of a mane, and it's color, appear to be pretty heavily androgen-dependent. Neutered males or males put on testosterone blockers, like Tandie was, will drop their manes - but like Tandie, if taken off the meds, it will generally grow it back. Darker manes are indicative of higher testosterone levels, and long/lush manes are generally a good signal of a male's fitness and mate quality. Females seem to show a preference for males with longer, darker manes and other males will preferentially avoid scuffles with them. (Yes, as many comments have pointed out, that means Scar was actually a hunk. Do with that as you will.)

The fascinating thing about androgens being linked to manes in lions is that it goes both ways - females with higher levels will also grow manes!

Mane growth in females lions is most commonly seen with elderly animals who have stopped cycling and are basically in lion menopause. And they have to get pretty old for it to happen - captive lions generally only live into their late teens and early second decade, and most of the maned ladies I know about started growing manes around like, seventeen.

Not all old female lions grow manes, but some of the career cat people I've talked to said it happened to about a quarter of the females they've worked with over the years. Which... is an interesting contrast to the news articles about Zuri, who we'll meet in a bit, that breathlessly reported in 2022 that her mane growth "left scientists baffled."

Old lady lion manes are just... precious. They grow in first at the chest and then around the sides or on the back of the head, but they don’t normally get the length, density, and connectivity seen in the mane of an adult male. It leaves the lionesses manes kind of awkward, in the way I associate with very young males, and they're absolutely adorable. Prepare yourself for the photo spam.

I have to start with Daisy, because she's the only maned lioness I've had the privilege to meet in person.

I don't know exactly when she started growing her mane, but she was over 20 years old when she passed in 2019 with these luscious locks.

Here's another female at the same facility, named Adeena. On the left is a photo of her from 2021, on the right is from this spring (I think she's mid-sneeze in the photo). She turns 20 in October.

If you've heard about maned lionesses before, it’s probably because of Zuri, at Topeka. She’s the most recent one to get media coverage and she went a little viral.

(Just a side note here, but I have some strong feelings about knowledge loss in the exotic animal management world due to political/philosophical schisms. This is one of those topics where it's clear: Topeka told a reporter that the zoo had “never" heard of this happening before, but it's common enough to be well known as a thing in other sectors of the exotic cat world. There's so much expertise and knowledge being lost due to infighting between accrediting groups, and it drives me up a wall).

Anyway. Zuri had one of the best manes I've seen on an elderly lioness. It grew long and lush and she totally could have done shampoo commercials. I mean, look at this.

Zuri lived with her sister, who didn't grow a mane in her old age. Here's the two of them together, Zuri on the left, Asante on the right.

We don't completely know what's going on with these golden girls to cause them to grow manes. It's theorized to be related to the end of estrus and higher levels of androgenic hormones, although it's not clear if that's just due to lower levels of other hormones during "meownopause" or if there's something else also going on.

There was some speculation with Zuri's mane growth that it was caused by the death of the male she lived with, in some biological need to "take over the role." The zoo dismissed that idea pretty quickly, and it makes sense, although there is one other instance where I've heard of that happening before.

The cat people I've talked to say that older lionesses who grow manes don't tend to act differently - they're not taking over new social roles in their prides or anything. Sometimes they can be less active, or be a little more nervous around males, and want to be left alone more, but it was emphasized to me that those behaviors could also just be associated with the fact that manes tends to develop in elderly lionesses.

The mane growth can happen pretty quickly, as we saw in the photos I've posted of Tandie over the last year. Here's Bridget, from the Oklahoma Zoo. The left photo was taken in March of 2017 and the right in November - look how much hair she gained over six months!

The zoo did some research into what might have cause Bridget's mane growth, and found that she had elevated levels of androstenedione, which is a hormone that can be converted by the body into either testosterone or estrogen, depending. In AFAB people, it's known to have a masculinizing effect. The zoo theorized that this was the cause of her mane growth, and that the elevated levels might have been caused by a benign tumor. Fascinatingly, though, blood draws revealed that her testosterone levels were the same as her mane-less sister, Tia.

Tia is on the left in the photo below, Bridget and the beginnings of her mane are on the right. Bridget was 17 when her mane started growing in.

I don't think there's any formal hypothesis that there might be a genetic component to lionesses growing manes in old age, but it's interesting to note that one of Tia's daughters, Zari, also grew a mane. (And she grew it young! It started around age 13, interestingly, also right after their male died). She's on the left in the photo below.

And to circle back around to where we began: Tandie is related to a number of maned ladies! His father, Xerxes, was Bridget's son; Zari was Xerxes' half-sister.

Here's a few more beautiful maned ladies to leave you with. In order, Ngala, Pepper, Skye, and Dandy Lion.

Next up, and last in this lion mane series, is the story of five younger lionesses in Botswana who not only have manes but also express a range of masculine behaviors.

.

.

.

A huge thanks to all the folk who shared photos of and stories about their golden girls for this post: M. Townsen, S.W. Simpson, E. Day, S. Cook, M. Stinner, M. Paul, K. Vanaman, D. O'Halloran, R. Simpson, D. Souffrant.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction - You Disappear While Pregnant [Mafia Edition]

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - January 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

TW: mentions of violence, blood and swearing

CHAN:

Things had been feeling weird all day to Chan, you hadn't replied to any of his messages when usually you were the text-back immediately type of person - with him at least. But he tried to put off the uneasy feeling he got when he thought about it all, the two of you were strong as a couple and him worrying you about not replying wasn't the type of man that he was.

"Changbin, make sure Yn has had something to eat today," Chan said as he came through the door of your shared home, expecting to see you curled up on the sofa doing something but you were nowhere to be seen. It was unlike you to not come and greet him so he figured maybe you were tired and had gone to sleep. Maybe even just popped into the garden and hadn't heard him arrive home.

"She's not here," Changbin called from upstairs, panic began to wash over Chan as he thought through his day. You hadn't said anything the night before about going out and you hadn't been responding to him. Within seconds Chan was making his way up the stairs and into your shared bedroom where he found some of your clothes missing and a suitcase was gone too.

"Fuck! Fuck!" Chan screamed making his way to the bathroom and finding a bunch of your overnight supplies were missing too. This wasn't like you, you weren't the type to run away and it wasn't as though the two of you had just had a fight. Everything was going great for you both, god, you were getting married in less than a year now and Chan thought everything was okay.

"I've started a search and Felix is watching the cameras to see where she went. We'll find her." Changbin said as he watched Chan in the bathroom, he was just sitting on the edge of the tub looking down at the floor trying to rack his brain for any reason you might have done this.

"Just find her, tell me when you do but don't make a move." He mumbles, standing up from the side of the tub and knocking over a bin failing to notice the positive pregnancy test that had fallen onto the floor. 

It had been eight months since you walked out on Chan and they had been the worst eight months of your life, every day was a struggle and it didn't help that you were pregnant.

"Not now, please not now." You groaned as you held onto your bump, letting out a sharp breath as you tried your best to ignore the pain in your back. God, it felt as though someone was stabbing you repeatedly as you prayed for the train to hurry and arrive where you needed to be.

"Mummy, that woman peed herself." A little girl giggled before the train stopped and you hurried off of it and in the direction of some metal seats on the train station platform. It wasn't time, it was too early for the baby to be coming right this second and you were nowhere near a doctor and you weren't about to give birth to your baby on a train platform. 

"Do you need me to call you an ambulance?" The mother of the little girl asked as she made her way over to you, you studied her face for a second before nodding your head. You'd grown a little paranoid since running away from Chan, you knew he was probably doing everything within his power to find you and it wasn't something you wanted to happen. You needed him to stay away from you,

"That won't be necessary." A voice said from the side, you stared over in the direction to see a very panicked-looking Chan making his way toward you. There was sweat dripping down his forehead and he was red in the face, clearly, he'd been running but you had no idea how he'd found you. You weren't in Seoul anymore, you left the second you had the chance to.

"She needs medical attention, she's in labour." The woman argued but you couldn't get words out to tell her to stop you were in far too much pain.

"I'll get her to the hospital," Chan said before Felix and Jeongin escorted the lady and her daughter away and you whimpered a little.

"Channie-" You whimpered out, tears streaming down your cheeks,

"It's nice to know you still like that nickname," His voice came out cold as a group of men began to make their way over to you and you stared at the one in the centre before trying to get up.

"Sit." He ordered gently placing his hand on your shoulder.

"I-I need to go, I can't be near you." You hissed trying to move but Chan was holding your hand, refusing to let you go.

"C-Channie please." You begged your eyes scanning the man at the other end of the platform.

"He said we can't...W-We can't be together." Just like that everything began to click into place for Chan. The only reason you'd left the way you did months ago was because of Hongjoong, he'd told you that it wasn't the right thing for Chan and threatened you to leave without saying anything.

"Who did?" He growled out, your eyes flicking behind him.

"Hongjoong...He said a baby will ruin things." Time suddenly moved slowly as you watched Chan stare over at his advisor and back down at you.

"That's why you ran?" You hated that you couldn't answer him with words and nodded at him.

“Fuck what they think, fuck what anyone thinks. It won't ruin anything, our little baby will only make things better." He promised you as you heard sirens coming.

He was right, of course, he was he always was, but your little girl had only made things better between you and Chan and even made some of his men more loyal to him. They protected you more than ever whenever you were out alone with just you and your little girl and Hongjoong had been demoted so he was no longer able to speak to you - something you'd begged Chan to do instead of killing the man

MINHO:

Everything was too much when you were with Minho and everything pushed you over the edge until there was no coming back from it.  For a while, it seemed that all the two of you ever did was fight and scream at one another and you'd finally had enough and just left. No note, you'd choose a week where you knew he was going to be so busy with his own world that he wasn't going to notice you gone. A week gave you enough time to disappear into the world with a new identity and to create a whole new life for yourself.

Or so you'd thought.

It had been even harder to do this for yourself since you happened to be pregnant. Something you had no idea at the time of running away until it was too late. It wasn't until your third month when you found out and there was no way you were going back, even if you didn't think you could raise a baby alone you were still going to do everything within your power to try.

"Are you sure you're okay walking home alone? I can get Angel to walk with you." Your boss stated as he watched you heading for the door of the bar. Angel was one of the bouncers who worked there, someone who looked like he could scare the stripes off a tiger.

"Nah, I'm good. I'll catch the train so there's no point." You shrugged before heading out into the dark of the night and making your way through the alleyway.

For eight months your life had been good, you'd gotten away from Seoul and everyone who ever knew you, you had a new identity you went by and no one could connect you to Minho anymore. You worked your own job, had your own place - sure it wasn't the best but it was still home - and your boss was even letting you bring your kid to work since he knew how badly you needed the money.

"So this is where you've been hiding?" A voice sounded from behind you and you didn't need to see him to know it was Minho and it felt like your whole world was coming down around you.

"How did you find me?" Your voice shook but you didn't turn around to face him just yet, you didn't know if he knew about your pregnancy.

"It wasn't easy. I taught you well."

"I was a fast learner." You mumbled a little, you knew this was going to end with him seeing your bump but you couldn't bring yourself to face him.

"Why did you run off, little bird?" The nickname he had for you made your heart flutter and you hated that he still had that kind of effect on you after all this time. But then again, it didn't matter how much time passed you still found yourself hopelessly in love with him.

"I had my reasons." You pulled your coat tighter around yourself but it did little to hide the bump that you were sporting,

"Another man?" You scoffed a little at him you both knew that there was no way you'd ever do that to him.

"You know I'd never do that."

"True. So what was it?" You heard his steps getting closer to you until he was right behind you and you slowly turned to face him, letting your coat fall down to the sides.

"Pregnant," His voice came out in a whisper and he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"You need to come back." He stated plainly, his eyes not leaving the bump you had but you were shaking your head at him,

“I don't think I can come back. Too much has happened, too much…water has passed under the bridge. I can't do with the fights anymore Minho, I can't." You choked out before you felt a pain in your back and you bent over a little clutching onto your stomach.

"You're pregnant with my child, you're coming home."

"N-No...I need the hospital," You whimpered looking at Minho who was already on the phone to emergency services.

"I've had Felix and Changbin fix the office into a nursery," Minho told you as he walked into the room to see you feeding your little boy.

"Did you tell them about needing to get more diapers?"

"I've got Chan and Seungmin on that job," He smiled proudly walking over and kissing the top of your head. It was going to take a long time to repair your relationship but a family together was something you were going to build from.

CHANGBIN:

You'd walked out on him, you'd just packed up your shit and walked away from him. You'd seen no point in staying in a relationship with someone who was never even there for most of it, missing birthdays and anniversaries that the two of you were supposed to share. You'd just walked out and tried to never look back, but it was damn near impossible when you were pregnant with his kid. Something he was also never there for, he'd never shown any interest in your baby, never came to appointments or shopping with you.

"Do you think he knows we're here?" You asked your bump as you looked out of the window. You were six months pregnant and constantly on the run which wasn't good, your doctors told you it wasn't good but what were you meant to do when one of the most powerful men in the world was looking for you?

There were sirens outside and you slid back into bed, sighing a little as you tried your best not to focus on what was going on outside. You were in one of the sketchiest neighbourhoods you'd ever seen and you were praying the lock you had on the door would be enough to keep you safe tonight.

“I've already lost her once I'm not going to lose her again,” Your eyes flew open and you saw Changbin standing at the end of your bed but it wasn't the room you'd fallen asleep in. Instead, all of the walls around you were white and there was a loud beeping coming from the side of you

"What the fuck?!" You screamed as you stared at him and then at the other men trying to see if you knew any of them but none of them felt familiar to you.

"Leave," Changbin ordered making a bunch of men you'd never seen before leave the room and you stared at him confused as to how he'd gotten you to a hospital without you waking up once.

"Glad you finally woke up princess," He sat down beside your bed and you stared at him, studying his face before folding your arms over your chest.

"You've resorted to kidnapping now?"

"If it means you'll come home, yes." You roll your eyes at him, of course, he would expect you to just come home after he'd done nothing to fix what he did in the past.

"Why? So you can ignore me and the baby for the rest of our lives?" You hissed bitterly before Changbin's hand took yours and he shook his head at you.

"I would never-"

"You never came to any appointments, you always forgot our anniversaries and my birthday. I was going to put our son through that!" You cut him off angrily and his eyes softened,

"He's a boy?" Tears began to build up in his eyes as he stared at you and you swallowed the lump in your throat.

"Yes...Yes, he's a boy." You mumbled before looking at the screen beside your bed, your heart rate and your son's were both displayed on the screen.

"I'll have them fix the nursery then. I'd been painting it to be pink." He chuckled a little taking his phone out of your pocket and leaving you even more confused than before.

"What?"

"I hadn't been ignoring you...w-well I had but I'd been working on a surprise. I was convinced we were having a girl so I had the nursery made up pink." He admitted before you whimpered a little.

"You did all of that?" You quizzed wondering where this side of him had been the whole time you’d known him

"I did, I would never just ignore you." You sniffled a little as tears began to roll down your face.

"You still kidnapped me." You reminded him as if he could ever forget. He’d spent months tracking you down and it was the best plan he’d ever done.

"With good reason." He added with a sly smirk making you giggle a little at him

"Still a crime," 

"When has that ever bothered me?" He smirked before kissing you gently.

HYUNJIN: EXTRA TRIGGER WARNING! Reader is slapped by a third party!

You slowly lifted your head and looked around your surroundings, nothing had changed in god knows how long you'd been here and you don't know why you held out hope for it to chance in the first place. The men that had taken you told you that the only reason you weren't dead was because of the baby, something that they were going to use as leverage over your husband.

"Morning sunshine, want some food?" One of the men - Lucas as you found out - taunted as he waved around food in front of you before eating it and making lewd sounds about how good it tasted. All of them made you feel physically sick to your stomach, they would taunt you with food or drinks whenever they had it only to give you just enough table scraps to keep you healthy.

"Hyunjin is going to kill you when he finds me." You spat out, looking up at the ceiling and whimpering a little. You were about eight months pregnant which meant at any point any stress could send you into an early labour and you were doing everything within your power to make sure it didn't happen. You weren't going to let a group of men take your daughter away.

"If he finds you, any day now you're going to pop, give us what we want and we'll kill you." You swallowed the lump in your throat because you knew he was right. If Hyunjin hadn't found you by now then there was a slim chance that he wasn't going to find you before you gave birth and it worried you.

You'd always had faith and trust in your husband but you didn't know how many days or even weeks you'd been here, you'd lost count since the men would sedate you to move you from a bed and back to a chair where they left you tied up for hours.

"The doc is coming later to check on the baby," Croft said as he looked at Lucas who simply nodded at him and went back to eating his food in front of you. 

The doctor who had come to see you was really nice, great even and you could have sworn you'd seen him before.

"The baby is healthy, both of them have a healthy heartbeat but there is one slight problem." Your heart broke at the idea of a problem with your child.

"Is she okay?!" You panicked earning a slap across the face from Lucas for speaking out when you weren't supposed to and you whimpered looking down at the floor.

"The child is fine, the problem is Lucas." Before Lucas could question what was happening shots rang out throughout the warehouse and multiple men were shot dead on the floor leaving just you, the doctor and Lucas alive with a gun pointed at his head.

"Cut her free," The doctor ordered as a metal shutter began to open, you squinted in the direction and saw Hyunjin making his way through with a giant smile on his face.

"I knew you'd come but what took so fucking long!?" You screamed as you were finally free from the chair and slowly stood up.

"The little rat is too good at covering his tracks," Hyunjin grumbled as he held your face in his hands turning it from side to side as if he were checking you over. Once he saw that you were fine he let you go and turned his focus on the man that had taken you.

"You know," You started as you stared around the warehouse where about 60 of Hyunjin's men were waiting with their guns trained on him,

“There’s an unspoken rule where if this many people are trying to kill you, then you should be dead already.” You grumbled before Hyunjin wrapped his arm around you and nodded at his men, giving them the all clear for what they needed to do.

JISUNG:

What on earth made you think that you could do this? You couldn't do this and you were nowhere near ready like you thought you were. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you laid your head back on the edge of the bathtub, the water filled with blood and whatever else was coming out of you at this point and you cried to yourself.

"Fucking arsehole!" You screamed gripping the edges of the grungy tub that you were laid in, screaming out in agony as you tried to do the breathing techniques you'd been reading about. 

Everyone had told you how beautiful birth was going to be but none of them told you about the pain you were going to feel, like how you felt as though someone was ripping you apart from your vagina. No drugs to help you, no one to tell you if you were dilated.

You were alone and in some sketchy neighbourhood and a dirty apartment with no one around you. No friends, no husband, completely alone because everyone had forgotten about you and left you behind.

"Why did you have to come now?! You couldn't have waited a few more weeks?!" You yelled through the tears, ignoring the sirens that were outside of the apartment building that you were currently residing inside. It was every day that sirens went flying through and you'd tried to drown them out but now it was impossible, you prayed that they were somehow for you. That Jisung had finally remembered you and came to get you but no hope.

Hongjoong had told you that Jisung would come and get you within a month of you hiding out in the "safe home" but it didn't feel much of a safe home when you were in the worst neighbour imaginable and felt at threat every second of the day. You did some deep breathing as you heard someone pounding on the door, probably telling you to be quiet but you were about to give birth in a tub there was no being quiet.

"Fuck...y-you," You whispered suddenly feeling as though your eyes were too heavy to keep open and you looked down at the water, it had to be time to push surely. There was no way you could keep going through all of this pain.

"Yn?!" The door to the bathroom burst open and Jisung was staring at you, wide-eyed as he took in the scene around him

"What are you-" Before he could finish asking you let out a loud scream as another contraction hit you and he was on his knees on the floor beside the tub.

"I've got you." He whispered as men rushed into the scene, looking away from your naked body.

“I feel like everyone just forgot I existed," You whispered out to Jisung, looking at him a little unsure if any of this was even real at his point.

"I killed Hongjoong," He mumbled wiping sweat off your forehead,

"Baby he made it look like you ran away, left me a note...I-I had no idea where you were." The pain from the birth and heartache all crashed into one as sobs began to leave your throat.

Weeks of hospital treatment later you were home once again but on bed rest, Jisung's orders not the doctor's. He was refusing to let you move for as long as humanly possible and did everything he could for you.

"I'm okay, I can run my own bath." You told Jisung as you watched him running a bubble bath for you while your baby slept soundly in the bedroom.

"I want to do this for you." He whispered as you held him from being. He was doing everything he could to make up for you being alone all this time, the guilt was overwhelming for him but you hadn't blamed him for a second.

FELIX:

Your head was killing you when you woke up and you tried to lift your hand to your head but it was met with resistance and the sound of metal clanging on the floor. You weren't home that was for sure and if you were you were going to kick your husband's butt for some silly prank he was pulling.

"What the fuck?" You looked at your wrists and saw a metal cuff around them and down at your ankles it was the same. Your eyes shot around the room and you saw a camera in the corner facing you and it had a blinking red light, meaning it was recording or live.

"Who the fuck are you?! What do you want?!" You did your best to sound as confident as possible but it was impossible since you had no idea who had taken you in the first place.

"Someone who wants revenge." A voice sounded before a door opened and an elderly man walked in with the help of a cane,

"Your husband took something...someone from me and I plan to do the same." He stepped closer to you and you were able to see a huge scar down the left side of his face and you instantly knew who he was. Jan was one of the men Felix had to take down in order for him to become who he is today, one of the biggest mafia leaders in the country. 

"He didn't kill your daughter, your own men did." You spat out knowing the story of his daughter already. Felix had tried to save her, getting her out of the house before he burnt it down but Jan's own men took her back into the building, shooting her to make it look like Felix had done it.

"You're a silly brainwashed little girl, your husband took what was mine and now I will do the same." He reached out to touch your bump and you slapped his hand away, you were almost ready to pop which made you more scared for your daughter's life.

"He'll kill you." You grumbled rubbing your bump as you stared at the man who simply smirked at you.

"Actually, he'll do everything he can to find you and slip up. I'll be waiting for him with his daughter in my hands and his wife dead beside me." You felt sick as he walked out of the room, slamming and bolting it shut before you leaned your head back on the wall.

"You stay in there as long as possible, you don't come early." You mumbled to your stomach, whimpering at the thought of this all happening.

As soon as Felix found out that you were missing he knew who was responsible, it really didn't take a genius to figure it out either and Jan hadn't been the sneakiest of people when it came to plans.

"I want men at every entrance, dead on sight," Felix ordered into the earpiece as he sneakily made his way toward the basement window. Men had been watching the building for a week now trying to find weak points in the security system and there was one. There were no guards, no cameras. It was just Jan on his own in a house that seemed to be abandoned,

"Lix?" You whispered when you saw him at the window, a smirk on his lips as he began to break it open, sliding through it with ease.

"How-" Before you could ask the door was opened and men came through, your men who were all smiling at you happy to see you were okay.

"Where's Jan?" You asked as you made your way through the home and up the stairs, a car was failing to start out in the drive and you all began to make your way in the direction. The frail-looking man looked panicked as he tried to start the engine of a very run-down-looking car.

“Running doesn't matter i’ll hunt you down if you do," Felix said loud enough for him to hear but Jan continued to try the engine again and again until clouds of dark smoke left the hood before he was pulled from the car and dragged toward a van.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" You shook your head, for the most part, he'd left you alone and just fed you and let you use the bathroom but Felix was still going to make him pay for taking you.

SEUNGMIN:

The old lady you'd made friends with over the last month was holding your hand as she walked you around the small spare room in her home. This wasn't supposed to be happening right now, you were supposed to be long gone from Seoul before you gave birth but it seemed as though your son was going to come earlier than you wanted him to.

"We should get you to a hospital," She told you as you gripped onto her hand and shook your head, hosptials meant that Seungmin could track you down and you'd been doing everything you could to stay off his radar and you were going to keep it that way.

"He'll find me, he can't find me." You pleaded, she knew your story and why you'd run away but for the whole month she'd known you she had been trying to convince you to go back to Seungmin and have him be there with you.

"He should be here for the birth of his son." She scolded and you rolled your eyes at her. No one seemed to understand why you'd walked away from him, the two of you were fighting more than usual. You'd heard him say he wasn't even sure he wanted a child and so you didn't give him a choice, you ran.

"He said he wasn't sure he wanted him, I took the choice away." You groaned before bending over with your palms flat on the bed, screaming out in agony as a contraction hit you.

"I'm sure he was just nervous and he never meant it," She pleaded with you before the door opened and someone walked inside. Your head slowly looked behind you and you groaned seeing your husband standing there with a doctor by his side.

"You called him?!" You screamed trying to push her hands off you as Seungmin walked over to you but the lady continued to hold onto you, rubbing your lower back.

"Of course she did, you really think I'd let you get that easy?!"

"You said you weren't sure you wanted him. I took the choice away from you, leave." You hissed out but he shook his head at you,

“Aren't you tired? Can we stop this and give our hearts a rest?” You hated that he sounded so poetic when all you wanted to do was hate him,

"She's almost ready," The old lady mumbled as you shook your head there was no way you wanted to do this here, you wanted drugs to numb the pain anything, 

"You need to push," Seungmin told you as he held onto your hand, your eyes meeting his as you let out a whimper,

"I'm not ready, we're not ready!" You yelled and he chuckled a little kissing your cheek.

"No one is ever ready baby." He held onto your hand and you whined out knowing that it was time to push.

As soon as Seungmin was holding your son in his hands he was smiling at you,

"I-I'm sorry I ever doubted this," He told you as he held onto his son's tiny hand, watching him sleep peacefully in his arms as you laid your head on Seungmin's shoulder tiredly.

"If you ever say it again, we will be gone and you will never find us," You warned him as he nodded at you, kissing the top of your head as he promised that it would never happen again.

JEONGIN:

You had no idea what you were thinking when you'd disappeared months ago, there was no way that you were ever going to do this alone. Maybe if it had just been you on your own everything would have been fine but after running away you found out that you were pregnant. The only reason you'd run was because you were scared of the life he led, you weren't sure it was something you could see yourself in but ever since you discovered you were pregnant you knew you needed to come back.

Your child deserved a father in their life, even if it meant co-parenting instead of getting back together with him but you still loved Jeongin. You didn't think you could ever stop loving him for that matter.

"Yn?" Jisung whispered as you waited inside one of the buildings that Jeongin owned, you knew sooner or later one of his men would see you and tell Jisung or even bring you to him.

"Hey, is Jeongin around?" You weren't showing yet, no one would know that you were pregnant by looking at you and you were thankful for that.

"In his office, I'll take you up." Jisung took your arm gently and began to take you up. It had been a weird few months with their boss who lashed out at everyone who was close to him and refused to speak to anyone unless he needed to.

"What?!" Jeongin snapped as Jisung knocked on the door and walked inside. As soon as Jeongin turned around you felt guilt prickling your skin, he looked rough and that was putting it lightly.

He hadn't shaven in months, he was sporting a full beard which you assumed was to hide all of the bags under his eyes.

"Yn?" His voice broke but he quickly cleared his throat as he stared at you, not moving from his chair. He was too scared that if he did you'd suddenly disappear again.

"Hi." You mumbled a little as Jisung silently left the room, shutting the door behind him and leaving you alone with the man you loved.

"What can I do for you?" He asked, putting on his business voice as you slowly stepped toward the desk and dropped the ultrasound photos down onto the desk.

"I don't want money...I want you in the kid's life, even if you don't want me." You told him as you watched him slowly pick up the photos, you waited for him to question if it was even his but those questions never came. 

"Move in, we'll create a nursery...we'll have everything ready."

"You'll forgive me? Just like that?" You were stunned at how he was just ready to throw everything into the past and come back to you. You expected some kind of resistance from him, or that he'd want a paternity test.

"You're the mother of my child...the love of my life, you could stab me and I would forgive you." You scoffed a little at him, of course, he would say something like that.

"That's toxic." You smirked at him before he shook his head at you.

"Shut up." He grumbled before shaking his head at you and looking back at the photos with tears in his eyes.

"You need to shave, I won't come back until the beard is gone." You told him as he moved to hold you in his arms.

@chiisaiblog @sw33tnight @kaitieskidmore97 @laylasbunbunny @stayconnecteed @saymyspringrain @toplinehyunjin @katnisspeetaprim @acciocriativity @wolfgurl2600 @just-aelia @choisoorin@straykids5star @minholythighs @midnightfrog625 @beccaskz @compersian @scarletemeterio @alicejustwakeup @halesandy @junhannies @gothic4under4lord @lixie-phoria @soulphoenix1618 @aerastus @jin-from-the-block @peachyproductions @lenfilms @elizaschuyler18 @piratequeen-impact @kpopmenace143 @minhosify @loveforred @kpopstuffs @chaeyoungs @delulu18 @stzatzch @b1nn1e-1s-cut3 @xyahrinx @katsukis1wife @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @blairscott @4-chan-inpadella

[reminiscingtonight]

Joyride

Leah Williamson x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: Only Fletcher can help get me out of a writing slump

[WOSO Masterlist]

You’re not sure how this happened.

You’re supposed to hate her, supposed to despise the very ground she walks.

But here she is, Leah Williamson, in your kitchen at hours so early they would be considered blasphemous to the normal everyday person. Dressed in nothing but one of your boxers and ratty college t-shirts, you can’t help but rake your eyes over her figure. 

Leah’s got half of her face buried in your fridge, looking for some food, but still, you’re not sure if you’ve ever seen anyone more beautiful.

Letting out a quiet sigh, you tear your eyes away and refocus onto the spoon in front of you. Given that you weren’t really expecting any company last night, Leah can’t really blame you for not having much in your fridge to offer as breakfast.

You were quite nearly asleep yourself when you heard the knock on your door. An extra long training session paired with the club you went to the night before left you with barely enough energy to shower and microwave some leftovers when you got home. Only about half of it was eaten before you decided to call it a night and trudge up your stairs, your bed already calling for you. It was there, halfway up the stairs when you heard the clear rap of knuckles upon the door.

Though you were bone dead tired, the second you opened the door to see Leah, suddenly all traces of sleep flew out of your mind. You fisted a hand in her shirt, dragged her in for a bruising kiss, and the rest was history.

You look back up when Leah lets out a cry of triumph. There’s an air of smugness around her as she takes a bite of the peach she found, somehow looking so goddamn attractive even as the nectar drips onto the table. If Leah was literally anyone else you would be up in arms about keeping your kitchen sanitary. But given the less than PG things she did to you here last night after showing up unannounced… well let’s just say it would probably be a bit hypocritical of you to tell her to be more mindful of your kitchen counter.

And there you have it. A very domestic scene with Leah, the two of you enjoying the minimalistic breakfast whipped up on the whim. 

God, how did you end up here?

Before a couple years ago, you only knew briefly of Leah. And then the Euros happened. The second England knocked you out was the second you decided to make an enemy of the English captain. It was bad enough your own captain tore her ACL moments before the entire tournament began. All hopes of making her proud ended with your own departure from the tournament.

In your dreams the quarter-final ended differently. You and the Spanish girls tore up the field and ended up bringing the trophy home. But then you woke and news of the pending transfers broke, and then you were sat with the idea of having to share your every breath with two Euros winners at training every day.

And thus came the beginning of the end.

In all honesty, you didn’t hate Leah long.

With the addition of her best mate to your squad, it was no surprise how often Leah came over to Barcelona. Keira’s appearance paired with Lia’s relationship with Mariona left Leah with a multitude of excuses to continue showing up to games and nights out with the team.

It sure didn’t help that after one particular night where the two of you drank a little too much, the two of you woke up tangled in your sheets wrapped up around each other. Despite your attempts at calling it a one night thing, one night turned into two and two into three and then suddenly every time Leah came to Barcelona the two of you ended up spending at least a couple hours together in bed.

Neither of you have really broached the topic much. Somewhere along the lines, everything changed. Though the sex was still very much there and still very very good, you guys began going on what could be considered dates. You showed Leah all the best places in Barcelona. She introduced you to her best friends at home in London. You surprised her by going to a couple of her games, she returned the favor just as quickly. In all pretenses the two of you were dating.

But you are a girl with standards, and those standards meant waiting until Leah came up with the nerve to actually ask you out before explicitly turning this into a real relationship.

And here you are, still waiting.

“I’m hungry.” 

You’re broken out of your thoughts by a sheepish looking Leah. Clearly the peach wasn’t filling enough by the guilty look still on her face.

It’s honestly more evidence of your failure as a host, but you can’t help but poke fun at her a bit.

“Well that seems like a you problem. I’m still eating.” As if to prove your point, you give your spoon another lick.

Leah raises an eyebrow at your clear challenge. “I want actual food.”

“What, peaches aren’t enough?”

“Peach. Singular. And I need more than one to be full. I’m an active girl after all.”

You snort. “Oh are you? I could’ve sworn I’ve seen you kicking balls around with the rec team down the street.”

Leah’s mouth drops open. You swear she actually looks offended at your jest. “Rec team? I’ll have you know Arsenal is the best football club anyone could play for.”

“Yet you’re here. In Barcelona. We actually have a big girl’s team here if you want to join.”

“As if I would ever,” she scoffs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” It’s your turn to be on the defensive. Having come up through La Masia, you were Barcelona bred through and through.

“Oh hush you, I know Kei has been trying to convince you to manipulate me to join. You guys may be my favorite people but I’ll leave Arsenal when hell freezes over.”

Your heart makes a strange flutter at Leah’s admittance of fondness for you, but you do what you do best and deflect instead. “And here I was, thinking you came to see me.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t.”

“Oh, so now I’m supposed to believe you hopped on a flight to Barcelona in the middle of the season just because you wanted a quick fuck?”

“Well I…” Leah looks a bit awkward as she tries to explain her presence. “Lia didn’t want to fly over here alone. So like a good friend…” she trails off with a wince.

Having too much fun to leave this alone, you continue to prod at her. “You call hooking up with me being a good friend to Lia?”

“Psh, semantics. She’s here to see her girlfriend too. It wasn’t like we were going to see much of each other anyways.”

“Oh, so we’re girlfriends now? Don’t think I ever got that memo.”

Leah’s face flushes a bright pink. “That’s not-- I wasn’t saying-- Don’t get me wrong--”

She buries her face in her hands when you burst out laughing, clearly having caught on to what you’re doing now.

“Stop teasing me! I barely got any sleep last night!”

“And whose fault is that?”

Leah rolls her eyes before breathing out a long breath. 

When she sets her shoulders, you can almost see the return of cocky Leah. She rounds the counter, coming dangerously close to you.

“Put the spoon down.”

It’s your turn to raise an eyebrow. “Make me.”

Leah’s grinning when she gladly does as you say. One hand comes to grab at your wrist, the other finding purchase on the tabletop behind you. 

You watch with half lidded eyes as she guides the spoon to her mouth, hand never touching the silverware itself. Before you know it, she’s licked clean the peanut butter, leaving you with nothing but a new kind of hunger burning in your veins.

Leah hasn’t even let go of your wrist before you’re hooking a hand behind her neck and dragging her in for a kiss.

If Leah wanted to see just how good of a girlfriend you’d be, you would just have to show her.

And what better way than to introduce her to your bed again?

[sassycheesecake]

The stadium is bursting with life and energy, people are ready to watch the long awaited game between Argentine and Japan‘s national volleyball team.

You came over to watch your husband play against his high school rivals, it’s been a dream of his ever since he left Japan.

Currently, you’re having a big heart attack, since you only turned around for a second to buy some onigiri snacks for you and your son, to find out said four-year old was just gone.

Panic flows through your veins along with adrenaline, you’re looking for that little brunette boy everywhere, when you remember that Mathéo has probably gone to look for his father.

Luckily at that time, Hajime Iwaizumi, 27-year old Athletic Trainer is currently helping Team Japan stretch for warm up when a heard a familiar voice of a child calling his name.

When the former Ace turns around in confusion, he sees Oikawa’s son, running towards him with big excitement in his dark brown orbs.

'Mathéo surely is a solid copy of his father.' Iwaizumi thinks as he greets his godchild.

"Mathéo, why are you by yourself? Where is your mum or your father?" The brunette crouches down as he looks around in concern to look for you or his best friend.

When you spot your son with Iwaizumi, you breathe out a big sigh of relief but you have to scold your son for pulling a stunt like that.

When the Athletic Trainer hears you, he is relieved that you found him and your son. But he is also happy to see you again, last time he visited you and Oikawa was almost over a year ago.

"Mathéo! Don’t do that again, I was looking everywhere for you! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" You scold the young boy and he looks incredibly guilty, almost ready to cry when he hears that you were so worried.

"I am sorry, mama. I just saw uncle Hajime and I wanted to say hello."

You sigh, feeling bad but also relieved that he is okay.

"I know but don’t run away from me again. Be glad it’s me scolding you and not your father."

"Yes, mama. I'm very sorry." Mathéo looks to the floor for a second, before looking at the Japanese players again, watching them with amazement and a big gleam in his eyes.

When you get up again from your crouched position, Iwaizumi notices something about you.

Your belly is having a small bump again.

"Has Shittykawa really knocked you up again?" He snickers a bit and raises a brow at you in amusement.

"Please don’t remind me, I had a moment of weakness with those eyes of his. Besides, Mathéo really wished for a sibling. He is already four years old. Can you believe that?" You look at your son in amazement and love, he looks exactly like his father, except that he has a very quiet personality, more like yours.

"How far along are you?" Iwaizumi interrupts your thoughts, looking at you with a smile, folding his arms.

"13 weeks now, Tōru really hopes for a girl this time." You grin at the brunette rubbing your stomach a bit.

"You shouldn’t run though, it’s not good for you during your early pregnancy." Still ever the concerned mother duck, Iwaizumi scolds you a bit.

"I know, I know, I was just in a huge panic mode, because I couldn’t find him." You sigh with a smile.

Iwaizumi smiles at you yet again and unbeknownst to you, a few players stopped their warm up, watching the interaction between you and their Athletic Trainer.

"I didn’t know Iwaizumi had a family." Hakuba states.

"Damn, she’s super hot. Too bad she is married ta our Athletic Trainer." Atsumu wiped a towel across his face, his brown eyes still captivated by the woman.

Hinata hears his teammates talking and looks over and sees Iwaizumi and a beautiful, breathtaking woman standing next to him, talking and laughing. For some reason you look very familiar but he can’t remember exactly where he has seen your face before.

All of sudden, you depart from Iwaizumi and the young boy who was watching the Japanese team, comes up to you to hold your hand.

When you turn a bit to see the players, you spot Hinata, giving him a bashful smile and a small wave at him, walking to the sides to look for your husband and his team.

Hinata can’t help but feel like you look extremely familiar, that young boy really reminds him of a certain brown-haired Setter that was once and honestly still is Kageyama‘s archenemy.

Iwaizumi turns back to the group and sees that some of the players are giving him weird looks.

"What?" He asks harshly into the round.

"Since when do you have a wife and a kid??" Suna frowns.

"What are you talking about?" Iwaizumi frowns back in confusion.

"The goddess of beauty itself that was just standin' next ta ya a minute ago." Atsumu clarifies.

"Also, I don’t know if you noticed but the kid looks nothing like you." Kageyama adds as well.

Iwaizumi finally understands but can’t help himself to be ticked off by Kageyama‘s last comment.

"Because she’s not? You have known me for what?Almost four months? You ever seen a ring on me or that woman visiting me at work? She is only a very good friend of mine. She used to be Aoba Johsai’s manager." The Athletic Trainer explains.

"That’s why she looked familiar! Her name is (Y/L/N) (Y/F/N) isn’t it?" Hinata is very excited and hopes to talk to you again, after meeting you in Brazil with Oikawa together almost 6 years ago.

"Well, believe it or not, it’s actually Oikawa (Y/N) now."

Another voice chimes in, the sentence carried with pride and smugness.

Some of the players tense up and almost growl at the sight of Argentine‘s official Setter walking up with an agonizing smirk.

"Nice to see you again Shōyō. Hope you and the suckers behind you are ready to lose." Oikawa just loves to rile people up, seeing the reactions of them are always a blast for him.

"The fuck did ya just say-" Atsumu growls and is ready to physically fight the opponent Setter when they hear that exciting voice again.

"Papa!" At the sound of his son‘s voice, Oikawa immediately turns around with a big smile.

Little steps run towards the brunette and Oikawa bends down to his son‘s height to catch him.

Standing up again to his full height, Mathéo smiles widely with closed eyes as he hugs his father‘s neck.

"Mathéo, this is Shōyō Hinata, your pa played with him in Rio when he visited the city. Can you say 'hi'?"

Mathéo turns to the orange-haired Wing Spiker for a second and immediately hides his face in his father‘s neck.

"Sorry about that, got my dashing looks but his mother‘s shy personality." Oikawa chuckles a bit, patting his son lightly on the back.

Hinata walks a bit closer to Oikawa‘s son, being extremely good with kids.

"Mathéo, do you also want to play volleyball when you grow up like your papa?"

Mathéo turns again to look at the orange-haired Opposite Hitter and hides his face partly to look at Hinata while being attached to his father.

"I do." Mathéo whispers out, still wary of the stranger.

"Maybe later on, you can show Shōyō how good you can receive already." Oikawa suggests to his son and he slowly comes out of his shy shell and nods enthusiastically at his father’s words.

"After of course, your amazingly talented dad has beat every single player. Especially Kageyama or the blonde idiot that only ranked second place in Japan‘s best Setter." Oikawa‘s pointy finger booped the tip of Mathéo‘s nose and the little boy squeals in delight.

"Mama said you shouldn’t say those words. They’re mean." Mathéo's face changes immediately again and he scolds his father, who in return just scoffs lightly at the words.

"Mijo, I am just telling you the truth, watch the game and you‘ll see what I mean."

"Okay papa!"

Oikawa farewells Hinata and wishes him good luck.

When the Setter seeks out his wife, he sees her standing by the sides, talking to some of his teammates.

Making his way towards her, he feels a great amount of pride flowing through his system. He’s got a family now and he is ready to show the world what he’s got.

Unbeknownst to Oikawa, lots of looks of glowering eyes follow the Argentinian Setter‘s movements, getting riled up by his words, they are ready to fight.

Let the battle begin.

[hyperfixatedimagines]

The Queen’s Ward (Alicent x f!reader)

Summary: Alicent and the lady (y/n) Velaryon had never seen eye to eye but as Lady (y/n) is forced to be a ward underneath the Queen’s icy gaze she finds that Alicent is not all that she seems, and that while her gaze is icy her touch is quite hot.

A/N: This is my take on book canon Alicent. Very much not canon compliant. It’s a little smutty but nothing crazy. As always, let me know what you think!

From a young age (y/n) had been the very image of elegance and grace. Her manners were impeccable and her beauty immeasurable. Princess Rhaenys had weathered a lifetime of compliments about (y/n) by the time (y/n) was ten years of age.

The dragon egg placed in her bed never hatched but (y/n) claimed Silverwing at the age of seven. The she-dragon had been spotted resting in the sand dunes of Driftmark one summer and (y/n) was determined to claim her birthright.

And claimed it she did. Silverwing bonded to her instantly.

To the world, especially to lady Alicent Hightower, it seemed as though Lady (y/n) had no flaws. She was perfect. 

While Princess Rhaenyra was dubbed the realm’s delight, young lady (y/n) was dubbed the realm’s beauty.

As (y/n) grew, so did the pressure for her to marry. Lord Corlys had been approached by many, many, suitors by the time (y/n) had her first moon blood but Rhaenys had always fought against it.

Princess Rhaenys had realized that two of her children were different. Laenor did not care for girls and (y/n) did not care for boys. (y/n) was much more skilled in disguising such a fact but Rhaenys saw through it.

Unfortunately, Rhaenys would not always be able to protect her eldest daughter from the politics of their station.

-

(y/n)’s favorite summers were the ones she spent out at sea with her father, where court graces were not expected and it mattered more that she could successfully steer a ship than if her needlework was precise. Out at sea with her father and his crew she could breathe a little easier.

But her second favorite summers were those spent with her cousin, Rhaenyra, in King’s Landing.

Princess Rhaenyra was, in many ways, what (y/n) always wished to be. Princess Rhaenyra could do as she pleased. She had no care for propriety or what others would say. She was free.

(y/n) envied that in many ways. She was always painfully aware of how she had to behave to be the very image of perfection. It was the only armor she had in a world that would see her dead if she ever revealed who she truly was.

But when (y/n) was with Rhaenyra she could be a little freer.

The only downside to spending time with her cousin was the fact that Rhaenyra was good friends with Alicent Hightower.

Alicent was four years their senior but Rhaenyra had become quite taken with her.

Rhaenyra saw Alicent much the way Laena saw (y/n). So Rhaenyra never believed (y/n) when (y/n) expressed her distrust of Alicent.

(y/n) never had proof of Alicent’s duplicitous nature but she never felt at ease near the Hightower girl. She could never name why, but eventually she would know the reason all too well.

-

All Alicent’s girlhood she had heard the many praises of (y/n) Velaryon.

(y/n) Velaryon was graceful. (y/n) Velaryon was beautiful. (y/n) Velaryon was perfect.

Alicent hated (y/n) Velaryon.

And then she actually met (y/n) Velaryon.

She met (y/n) one summer early on in her time at the Red Keep. Alicent watched (y/n) and Rhaenyra play in the gardens from afar. 

She couldn’t help but admit that (y/n) Velaryon really was beautiful.

Alicent’s stomach filled with butterflies the first time (y/n) had spoken to her.

(y/n)’s smile was bright like the sun, and just as warm.

The two girls had been friends at first. But that friendship didn’t last long.

Alicent became ambitious. Just as ambitious as her father, Otto Hightower. With that ambition came the realization that she felt something sinful towards (y/n).

Alicent felt desire. Desire for a girl.

And she would not let that desire be her ruin. She was going to be queen one day.

-

Alicent had just turned eight and ten. (y/n) was four and ten, as was Rhaenyra.

The Queen had died, and the King needed to remarry.

Many young women had been brought forth as eligible brides, including Alicent and (y/n).

Lord Corlys had never pressured his daughter or his wife on the idea of (y/n)’s marrying, until the King needed a new wife. Corlys desired nothing more than his blood on the iron throne. This was his shot.

“(y/n), it is time for you to do your duty as a lady of House Velaryon and wed,” Lord Corlys had declared.

(y/n)’s protests fell on deaf ears. Her father would not be moved, and her mother could not help her.

So (y/n) sought refuge in the many empty halls of the Red Keep. She sat behind one of the hall’s large stone pillars and cried.

She knew that Rhaenyra and Laena would be in her chambers waiting for her and she could not bear to be near them in her state.

So (y/n) brought her knees to her chest and buried her face in her legs.

“I did not think you were capable of such cries of sorrow,” a cold but alluring voice said beside her.

(y/n) lifted her face and found Alicent standing against the wall opposite her.

Lady (y/n) wiped away the remaining tears with the sleeve of her dress.

“Lady Alicent. I apologize you had to hear that.”

Alicent shrugged. “Your tears matter not to me.” She approached (y/n) and lowered her face to (y/n)’s. “Although, seeing the realm’s beauty driven to tears is a pretty sight to see,” Alicent said with a smirk.

(y/n) stood and dusted herself off. She would not let Alicent get to her.

So she smiled a tight smile. “I must be on my way. Good day Lady Alicent.”

But just as (y/n) went to walk away Alicent reached out and grabbed (y/n) by the arm.

Alicent pulled (y/n) back. “We have not seen one another in quite some time (y/n). It would be rude not to dine and catch up as old friends do.”

(y/n) clenched her jaw. Dining with Alicent was the last thing she wanted to do. Then she sighed. She would probably be queen and as such she had to embody the best of the realm’s manners.

“Perhaps we can meet for tea later this evening, but I must take my leave now. Excuse me.”

(y/n) tried to pull away but Alicent would not let go. (y/n) looked down at her arm then up at Alicent. 

This was most impolite. (y/n) couldn’t imagine what had possessed Alicent to be so rude with her.

“You’re not excused (y/n).” 

(y/n) met Alicent’s gaze. She found nothing but determination, and anger, in Alicent’s gaze. It frightened (y/n), but it also made her feel alive. 

“Lady Alicent, I ask that you please-”

Alicent stepped closer toward (y/n), their noses just a breath apart.

“I know your father wants the King to marry you, but you will never be Queen.”

(y/n) furrowed her brows. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Because I will  be Queen,” Alicent spat in response.

“I care not for the crown. I will pray the Gods grant it to you,” (y/n) replied.

Alicent’s gaze flickered down to (y/n)’s lips then back to meet (y/n)’s gaze. 

“You are a fool not to take the crown for yourself.”

(y/n) pulled out of Alicent’s grasp. She stepped away from the older girl and shrugged.

“Then I am a fool, Lady Alicent.”

Alicent watched (y/n) walk away, the daughter of the sea snake had some bite in her after all.

-

Just as Alicent had declared, the crown was hers. Everyone but Lord Corlys Velaryon was in high spirits during the King’s wedding.

But no one was more gay than Lady (y/n). She had been saved by the girl she liked the least.

(y/n) made it a point to thank the new Queen.

The young Velaryon girl watched as Queen Alicent walked out of the great hall. 

She followed her.

Once they were out in the courtyard (y/n) called out to the Queen.

“Your Grace.”

Alicent smiled at the sound of (y/n)’s voice. She quickly schooled her features into feigned annoyance as she whipped around to face (y/n).

“What is it?”

(y/n) bowed and smiled at Alicent. “I wanted to thank you.”

Alicent almost didn’t register what (y/n) had said, the sight of the realm’s beauty bowing to her occupied her sole focus. After a moment Alicent looked away from (y/n). “Thank me?”

“I am safe from being married off once again. So I wanted to thank you.”

Alicent’s gaze snapped back towards (y/n). She furrowed her brows. 

“You truly are a fool (y/n). I am the Queen of the seven kingdoms. You can’t imagine the power I have now.”

(y/n) let out a small laugh. “I don’t wish for power, your Grace. But I’m glad you have what you have always wanted.”

Alicent stared at (y/n), confused. “If you don’t wish for power, what do you wish for?”

“I don’t know,” (y/n) replied, avoiding Alicent’s gaze.

Alicent stepped towards (y/n)

“Your Queen orders you to speak the truth.”

(y/n) looked up and swallowed hard. “I want to never marry.”

(y/n) sighed loudly. She had never actually said that out loud, to anyone.

Alicent’s stomach filled with butterflies. It made her very happy to hear (y/n) had no desire for marriage. Butterflies still filled her stomach whenever (y/n) was near, and the thought of (y/n) marrying filled Alicent with dread.

“Why,” Alicent asked.

(y/n) looked taken aback by Alicent’s question. She looked away from the Queen.

“That does not matter.”

Alicent furrowed her brows once more.  “If I ask you a question lady (y/n) you answer it.”

(y/n) clenched her jaw. Only Alicent would take (y/n)’s thanks as an opportunity to debase her.

“I do not wish to leave my family to bear children for some lord and be a slave to his every whim.”

Alicent stepped closer to (y/n) once more. “A woman’s highest honor is to wed and birth a man’s children.”

(y/n) held Alicent’s gaze. “I don’t agree, your Grace.”

Alicent tilted her head slightly, appraising (y/n) in the faint moonlight of the hall. “What if you loved  him, and he loved you?”

“I don’t believe in love,” (y/n) replied.

Alicent brows raised. “The realm’s beauty doesn’t believe in love?”

“Do you?” (y/n) countered, though she knew the truth.

(y/n) knew Alicent loved power. She didn’t think the new Queen was capable of loving anyone or anything else.

Alicent’s gaze flickered to (y/n)’s lips, then (y/n)’s bosom, then back up to (y/n)’s eyes. 

“Maybe I do,” Alicent whispered. 

No one had ever looked at her that way Alicent was looking at her.

(y/n)’s heart started to race. “You do?”

Alicent raised her hand and cupped (y/n)’s face. She ran her thumb across (y/n)’s cheek.

“Of course.”

(y/n)’s skin burned under Alicent’s touch, but (y/n) liked the heat. 

She had never felt that way before. (y/n) looked down at Alicent’s lips. 

She had kissed girls before. Silly games girls played, practice for their husbands they would say as they giggled and twirled their hair in between their fingers.

(y/n) wondered if Alicent had ever played such games.

(y/n) stepped towards Alicent, their faces just a breath apart. 

Alicent smiled. 

(y/n) detected no malice in her smile. She smiled back.

“I-,” (y/n) stammered. 

The magic of the pair’s private moment burst when Princess Rhaenyra ran out of the great hall and into the corridor, screaming (y/n)’s name.

Alicent pulled away from (y/n) and cleared her throat. She started down the hall, not once looking back at (y/n).

The night’s cold breeze replaced Alicent’s hot touch and a shiver ran along (y/n)’s back.

Princess Rhaenyra reached the pair and tugged on (y/n)’s arm. “Cousin, they brought out more lemon cakes.”

(y/n) watched Alicent walk away. Rhaenyra’s pleas barely registered in (y/n)’s ears.

All she could feel was the ghost of Alicent’s thumb on her cheek.

-

Many moons passed and with them came the dawn of war. Corlys Velaryon took his son and his men and set out for war alongside Prince Daemon Targaryen. They warred to secure the islands known as the Stepstones.

While Lord Corlys warred, his wife Princess Rhaenys ruled Driftmark. At her side was her eldest daughter, Lady (y/n).

Lady (y/n) had taken to helping her mother rule Driftmark. She had even been granted the final word on a few local disputes. Her mother beamed with pride at the sight of (y/n) taking her new role seriously. (y/n) studied every book of laws in the keep’s library.

The longer the war went on the more (y/n) worried about her father and brother. Laenor had become quite the sailor and dragonrider but he was still just a boy. Lord Coryls was fierce and a brilliant strategist but (y/n) could only imagine the worst.

She tried to put on a brave face for her mother. She worried just as much, if not more, than Lady (y/n) did.

So when a messenger arrived in Driftmark with the declaration that Lady (y/n) had to be taken to King’s Landing to be ward of the King, Princess Rhaenys cried a river of tears.

Upon hearing the message (y/n) knew that Alicent was behind it. The King would never make such a declaration of his own accord. Making lady (y/n) a ward of the King would further divide their houses, not mend the rift between them that occurred when the King chose Alicent Hightower over Lady (y/n).

Still, (y/n) packed her belongings and said goodbye to her mother and sister. She made the journey to King’s Landing atop her dragon. Both she and her mother agreed she could not leave her dragon behind.

Lady (y/n)’s arrival in King’s Landing was a quiet one.

Princess Rhaenyra had met (y/n) at the dragonpit to say hello. Her cousin was eager to see her and was overjoyed that (y/n) would be staying with her. The Princess confided in (y/n) that she had been right about Alicent. She was not Rhaenyra’s true friend.

The Queen had bore a babe, a boy, for the King.

Ever since then Alicent had been nothing but cruel to Rhaenyra.

(y/n) empathized with her cousin, and promised they would be a united front against the Queen’s cruelty.

When the two returned to the Red Keep no one was there to greet (y/n). Rhaenyra led (y/n) to her chambers then excused herself as she had the duty of being her father’s cupbearer and was already late.

Once alone (y/n) let out a deep sigh. The chambers that had once felt like a second home now felt like a gilded cage. 

(y/n) wondered why the Queen would call her to King’s Landing, after so many years apart. Her last memory of her was the ghost of her thumb on (y/n)’s cheek. Her stomach knotted, with excitement and nerves at seeing her again.

-

The Queen stormed into lady (y/n)’s chambers. 

 Lady (y/n) stood from the desk where she had sat, writing her family a letter on her arrival. “Your Grace.”

The Queen froze as she laid eyes on Lady (y/n) for the first time since their almost kiss outside the great hall. 

Lady (y/n) was even more beautiful than she remembered. 

Alicent hated her even more for it. She folded her arms across her chest as she looked around the room. 

“Lady (y/n), a shame to see you have not settled in just yet.” 

(y/n)’s head turned to the stack of unpacked trunks in the corner of her room. She had told the maids to only unpack one of them.

“I won’t be here long. There is no need to unpack everything, your Grace,” (y/n) replied with a strained smile.

The Queen pursed her lips as she tilted her head, examining lady (y/n).

“Your optimism is refreshing, Lady (y/n).”

(y/n) stood tall. She was no longer a young girl, she was a lady grown. 

“It is not optimism your Grace, but the assurance that once I have spoken with the King he will see there is no need for me to remain in King’s Landing.”

The Queen let out a huff. She walked to the table towards the far side of the room and took a seat facing (y/n).

“If that is the case then I must admit it is startling to see you have not grown any less foolish in your time away, Lady (y/n)”

(y/n) turned to look at the Queen.  “It is the truth, your Grace.”

The Queen looked over at the fruit on the table. She grabbed a few grapes and slowly brought them to her mouth. 

“Your father started a war without the King’s permission.” the Queen said in between bites of fruit. “We cannot allow for the realm to think such actions are allowed,” she finished with a small smirk. 

“Then why not impose taxes upon our lands? Why keep me as a ward while the war still rages.” (y/n) furrowed her brows. 

She did not believe Alicent’s motives were purely political. It simply didn’t make sense.

The Queen stood from her seat and walked towards lady (y/n). “That does not send a strong enough message to the other houses.”

(y/n) instinctively stepped back as the Queen continued to approach her. 

The Queen closed the gap between them and reached up to cup (y/n)’s cheek.

“Such behavior must be punished,” the Queen whispered.

(y/n)’s face flushed with pink. She looked away from the Queen’s heavy gaze but did not move away from the Queen’s grasp.

The Queen smiled. “The gossips of court spoke about how beautiful you had become in recent moons... .perhaps I brought you here to see if there was truth in their words.”

Lady (y/n)’s heart beat rang in her ears. She stepped away from Alicent and turned away from her.

The Queen watched in delight.

“I-,” (y/n) stuttered as she struggled to compose herself.

The Queen took a deep breath, schooling her features into polite indifference. 

“Or perhaps I brought you here to reveal that the realm’s beauty is nothing but a sick deviant.”

Lady (y/n) whipped around to face the Queen. “I am not a deviant.”

The Queen smirked. “Come, we must not keep the King waiting for dinner,” she said as she made her way towards the door.

Lady (y/n) clenched her jaw and followed the Queen out of her chambers.

-

The first few moons at the Red Keep were dreadful for lady (y/n). 

With no choice but to obey the Queen’s endless requests for (y/n) to wait on her every whim. 

Lady (y/n) had not yet been able to get a moment alone with the King. At the dinner welcoming her to the Keep the King made little comment to (y/n) being a ward of his or the reason why. (y/n) had not seen the king since. 

But everything would soon change for lady (y/n) and the Queen.

-

It was a night like any other.

Lady (y/n) had been called into the Queen’s chambers to prepare the Queen for sleep. 

She had helped Talia ready the Queen for bed before but this time (y/n) noticed she was alone. 

The Queen stood in front of the mirror, she stared at (y/n). 

“Well, what are you waiting for,” Alicent asked. 

Lady (y/n) stepped forward and unlaced the Queen’s dress. 

(y/n) made sure to focus only on the bodice in front of her. She could not let her mind wander, lest it go to carnal places.

Alicent watched (y/n) through the mirror. She could feel (y/n)’s fingertips leave goose pimples in their wake as (y/n) unlaced the bodice. It took all her strength not to close her eyes and savor the younger woman’s touch. 

Once the bodice was undone lady (y/n) walked around to face the Queen. Lady (y/n) avoided the Queen’s gaze as she tugged at the dress. 

Alicent’s voice caught in her throat as Lady (y/n) lowered herself to help her out of the dress. 

“You can step out of the dress now, your grace,” (y/n) said as she looked up at the Queen. 

Alicent looked down at Lady (y/n) and felt her heart thump faster in her chest. 

The realm’s beauty on her knees for me, Alicent thought. She bit her cheek. She knew better than to think like that. 

Alicent looked away from Lady (y/n) and stepped out of the dress that pooled at her feet. 

Lady (y/n) took the dress and placed it in a nearby trunk. She grabbed the Queen’s nightgown and returned to Alicent’s side. 

Alicent stepped into the nightshirt and avoided (y/n)’s gaze as the Velaryon girl fastened the buttons at the front of the shirt. 

Lady (y/n) fastened the buttons of the Queen’s nightshirt as fast as she could. She felt an overwhelming heat spread throughout her with every second she passed so close to the Queen. 

The final buttons were along the Queen’s throat. 

Lady (y/n)’s eyes briefly met the Queen’s. 

Her hands stopped. 

Alicent noticed. She swallowed hard. 

“Why did you stop,” she whispered. 

Lady (y/n) stared into the Queen’s eyes. 

Alicent hadn’t always been cruel to her, (y/n) recalled. They were friends for a time. They were closer to each other than either was to Rhaenyra. 

“You stopped first,” (y/n) replied mindlessly.

Alicent’s brow furrowed. “Excuse me?”

“You stopped being my friend first…your grace,” (y/n) said then looked away from the Queen. 

She quickly finished the last of the buttons on the nightgown then stepped away. 

Alicent turned and watched (y/n) walk across the room. 

“Why bring that up now?”

(y/n) made it to the window on the far side of the Queen’s chambers. The fresh air hit her face, a welcome respite to the blazing heat that bloomed inside her. 

The Queen stepped towards Lady (y/n). “I asked you a question lady (y/n).”

(y/n) sighed. “It was a thoughtless statement, your grace.”

Alicent frowned, she wanted to press (y/n) for the truth but she knew it would be fruitless. 

“Do not let it happen again lady (y/n),” the Queen replied. 

Lady (y/n) took a deep breath of night air then turned around. 

“If that is all your grace, I will take my leave.” Lady (y/n) curtsied and turned to leave. 

Alicent put a hand up to stop (y/n). “I have a final request for tonight lady (y/n).”

Lady (y/n) faced the Queen. “How can I be of service to your grace.”

(Alicent lays down in her bed and brings a cup of wine to her lips, watching the reader over the rim)

“I want you to read to me,” the Queen declared as she poured herself a cup of wine from the nearby table. 

“Read to you,” Lady (y/n) mused.

The Queen nodded. “Yes, now help me into my bed.”

Lady (y/n) approached the Queen’s bed and pulled back the furs and quilts so that the Queen could lay down. 

Once she was comfortable, the Queen looked up at (y/n) expectantly. 

lf a cup of wine from the nearby table then got into bed. 

“You may begin.”

Lady (y/n) furrowed her brow. “I don’t have a book, your grace.”

The Queen shrugged. “Then you can tell me a tale.”

Lady (y/n) swallowed the urge to roll her eyes. All she wanted was to retire to her own bed.

But alas, that was not an option. 

So lady (y/n) plastered on a saccharine smile and said, “As you wish your grace” as she walked to the chair by the mantle. 

“Not there,” the Queen barked. 

“Where do you wish for me to sit, your grace?” Lady (y/n) asked with a strained smile.

The Queen pointed a finger to the foot of her bed. “There.”

Lady (y/n)’s stomach dropped. But she did as she was ordered to. She walked to the foot of the Queen’s bed and sat down, her back to the Queen.

“Face me,” Alicent commanded. “I want you on your knees.”

Lady (y/n) turned to meet Alicent’s gaze. “On my knees?”

Alicent took a long drink from her goblet. “Was I not clear lady (y/n)?”

“As you wish, your grace,” (y/n) replied through gritted teeth.

(y/n) grabbed her skirts and lifted them as she knelt down on the bed. She could now hear the thrumming of her heart as it pounded in her ears. 

“What tale will you tell me tonight lady (y/n)?” The Queen asked, a devious smile on her lips. 

So pretty on her knees, Alicent thought. 

“Whatever tale you wish to hear your grace,” (y/n) replied lifelessly. 

“Tell me of your travels lady (y/n). I was told you traveled to Dorne with your father.”

“I did indeed, your grace.” (y/n) began. “Well the trip itself was quite long but we sailed and I enjoy the salt air.”

(y/n) felt herself relax as she recalled that summer she traveled with her father. She was quite young but had insisted on going. 

“Sunspear was beautiful, with water gardens and trees filled with various sweet fruits.The markets outside of the keep were lively and there was an aroma of spices that filled the air.”

(y/n) closed her eyes and almost felt the heat of the Dornish sun. 

Alicent watched with a small smile as (y/n) relaxed. The smile faded as she remembered that was the summer after she and (y/n) stopped being friends. 

“When my father took me to the market I found this emerald ring with a dove carved into the gold band.” (y/n) opened her eyes and met the Queen’s gaze. “It reminded me of you.”

Alicent’s voice caught in her throat again. 

“That was the summer after our big fight. Do you remember?” Lady (y/n) asked. Though she doubted the Queen remembered. 

Alicent looked away from (y/n). 

“You’re excused lady (y/n),” the Queen commanded. 

Lady (y/n) looked down at her hands as she got off the Queen’s bed. She turned and made her way towards the door. 

“I didn’t have a choice (y/n). I couldn’t be your friend anymore,” Alicent said as (y/n)’s hand reached for the door.

Lady (y/n) turned her head back towards the Queen but Alicent had already pulled the quilts and furs over her.

(y/n) opened the door and left for her quarters. 

-

A few weeks later Lady (y/n) entered the Queen’s chambers and walked to the bed. She knelt on the foot of the bed just as she had countless nights before. 

She had brought with her a book on the maester’s moon charts with her. She wanted to tell the Queen about how sailors used the moon charts when out on the ocean.

“What have you brought to read to me tonight lady (y/n),” the Queen asked as she emerged from the partition next to the bed. 

Lady (y/n) looked up from the charts and swallowed hard when she saw the Queen in her nightgown. It was cut quite provocatively at the chest and it was so thin (y/n) could see the outline of Alicent’s curves. 

Alicent smirked when she realized lady (y/n) was staring.  “Already kneeling at the foot of my bed, ready for me. Such a good girl.”

Lady (y/n)’s face went pink and she quickly looked down at the moon charts. 

The Queen got into her bed and settled in. “You may begin, Lady (y/n).”

(y/n) began to tell the Queen about moon charts but she was cut off my a loud knock at the Queen’s door. 

The Queen rolled her eyes. “Who calls?”

“It’s Talya, your grace,” Ser Criston’s voice boomed. 

“Let her in,” the Queen replied. 

Talya entered the Queen’s chambers and bowed. 

“The King has requested your company for the night, your grace.”

The Queen sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Alright, tell the King I am on my way.”

Talya nodded and bowed once more before leaving. 

The Queen kept her eyes closed for another moment before she got out of her bed and reached for a robe to wrap herself in.

Lady (y/n) gathered her charts and got off the bed. 

“What are you doing?” The Queen asked.

“Talya said-,” Lady (y/n) began.

The Queen cut her off. “I did not grant you leave.”

“But the King-,” Lady (y/n) argued.

The Queen cut her off once more. “Called for me, not you. You will stay put, on your knees, until I return.” Alicent bridged the gap between her and lady (y/n). “Is that understood?” She asked, their faces inches apart.

Lady (y/n) nodded. “Yes, your grace.”

A heat bloomed between (y/n)’s legs at the sound of Alicent’s commanding voice. She got back on the bed and knelt facing the bed. 

The Queen stepped closer towards lady (y/n). 

“Good girl,” she whispered in (y/n)’s ear. 

A chill ran down (y/n)’s back. She bit the inside of her cheek and closed her eyes. 

The Queen started for the door and slowly her footsteps started to fade. 

Once the Queen was gone lady (y/n) debated getting off the bed and going back to her chambers. 

She knew that Alicent would make her pay for not obeying her orders…a part of lady (y/n) wondered what that punishment would be, and a smaller part of her felt a rush of excitement at the thought of being punished by Alicent. 

Like the good girl she was, (y/n) stayed. She continued to knee at the foot of the bed. She poured over the moon charts as she waited for Alicent to return. 

Sometime after the hour of ghosts (y/n) ended up falling asleep. 

Alicent returned during the hour of the wolf, weary and spent from her time with the King.

She entered her chambers and smiled when she saw (y/n) asleep on her bed. Alicent walked over to where (y/n) lay. She reached out and slowly ran her finger across (y/n)’s cheek.

Lady (y/n) startled and quickly sat up when she realized the Queen had returned. 

“Your Grace, my apologies. I must have fallen asleep. I am so sorry your grace I-,” lady (y/n) rambled.

Alicent’s languid smile remained. She placed her finger on (y/n)’s lips. 

“Your Queen grants you leave,” she whispered. 

Then Alicent dropped her finger from (y/n)’s lips and made her way to her side of the bed. She pulled back the furs and quilts and got in. 

Too stunned to react, the lady (y/n) took a few moments to collect herself. Then she got off the Queen’s bed and made her way to the chamber door. 

Once at the door (y/n) turned back towards the Queen. 

The Queen laid in her bed, facing the window at the far end of the room and picking her nails absentmindedly. 

“I hope you sleep well, Alicent,” (y/n) said. 

Alicent snapped out of her thoughts and turned towards (y/n). She smiled softly. 

“Thank you (y/n). Sweet dreams.”

(y/n) returned Alicent’s smile then turned and left the room.

-

More moons passed.

 Lady (y/n)’s nightly visit to the Queen was now a welcome event as things had softened between them.

(y/n) entered the Queen’s chambers as she did every night. 

This night Talya was helping the Queen into her nightgown and (y/n) had walked in while the Queen was in her thin shift. 

Lady (y/n) quickly averted her gaze. “Apologies your grace. I did not see Ser Criston outside but I should have knocked.” 

Talya placed the nightgown on the Queen. The Queen smiled at lady (y/n). 

“It’s alright (y/n). We won’t be able to have our nightly reading.” Alicent stepped towards (y/n) and sighed. “The King wishes for me to stay in his chambers tonight.”

(y/n) shrugged. “I can stay if you wish. That way I can read to you when you return.”

Alicent’s smile returned. “That’s kind of you lady (y/n).” Then she let out another sigh as Talya left the room. “I won’t return until the morrow.”

“Oh,” (y/n) replied, a small frown tugged at the edge of her mouth.

“You look as though this upsets you lady (y/n),” Alicent replied with a small smirk. “I imagined you would be giddy at the news.”

(y/n)’s face warmed. She had been caught frowning. She looked away from the Queen.

Alicent stepped closer to (y/n). “Could it be that you don’t hate my presence as much as you used to?” She whispered.

“I appreciate routine, your grace,” (y/n) replied, a small smirk of her own on her face.

Alicent laughed and placed a hand on (y/n)’s arm.

“I needed something to lighten my mood. Thank you (y/n),” Alicent said and gave (y/n)’s arm a gentle squeeze.

Blush returned to (y/n)’s cheeks at the Queen’s touch. She was glad Alicent was already headed towards the door and wouldn’t notice.

The Queen walked out of her room and left (y/n) alone. (y/n) knew she could not linger so she turned to follow the Queen out the door but she stopped when she noticed the open bottle of perfume oil on the table next to the door. 

(y/n) reached for the handkerchief in her dress pocket and before she could think twice about it she dabbed a bit of oil on her cloth. She inhaled the sweet perfume of lavender and honeysuckle.

(y/n) smiled to herself and hid the handkerchief back in her pocket. Then she left the Queen’s bedchamber.

-

It was a night like any other. 

Lady (y/n) knelt in front of the Queen, reading a passage out of a book of history from Essos. 

But on this night the Queen had drunk a bit more wine than usual. And her gaze lingered on (y/n)’s lips longer than it usually did.

“Put the book down,” Alicent commanded. 

Lady (y/n) did as the Queen told her to. 

“Is there something-”

(y/n)’s words died in her throat. 

The Queen got out of her bed and crossed the room to pour herself more wine. She downed it in one gulp then turned to (y/n).

“Lay down.”

Lady (y/n) furrowed her brow. “Why?”

“You don’t need to know why. I am your Queen and I commanded you to lay down on my bed,” Alicent replied sternly. 

(y/n) was not sure where Alicent’s anger had come from. Alicent had been far more cordial to (y/n) in recent days. She wondered why the sudden change in demeanor. 

But Alicent would not give her time to wonder. 

“Now,” Alicent barked. 

(y/n) did as she was commanded to and laid down. Her heart started beating faster. 

She could not see Alicent but (y/n) could hear Alicent cross the room. 

Alicent sat in a chair opposite her bed. She had brought the pitched of wine with her and she poured herself another cup. 

“I want you to take your nightgown off.”

Lady (y/n) sat up. “Absolutely not,” she objected.

Alicent stood. “Are you defying an order from the Queen?”

(y/n) stared at Alicent, mouth agape. “No I simply don’t understand w-”

“It does not matter if you understand or not. I am the Queen,” Alicent replied. 

(y/n) swallowed hard. Her heart beat loud in her ears. She could not do what had been asked of her. 

“Fine, I’ll do it for you,” Alicent spat. 

The Queen approached lady (y/n) and reached for (y/n)’s nightgown. Lady (y/n) grabbed the Queen’s hands. 

Alicent met (y/n)’s gaze. 

“How dare you,” Alicent roared. 

“Just tell me why,” (y/n) replied. 

Alicent stared into (y/n)’s eyes. (y/n)’s eyes begged for any reason. 

(y/n) noticed how tired Alicent’s eyes looked. Then she recalled that the King had called for her many times the past couple nights.

Alicent swallowed hard. “I need it.”

(y/n) nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Alicent stepped back and watched as (y/n) stood and undressed herself. 

The nightgown pooled at (y/n)’s feet. She bent down and picked it up. (y/n) laid it down on the bed then laid back down.

“Now what,” (y/n) asked. 

The night air drove a chill down (y/n)’s body.

Alicent sat back down in the chair facing the bed. 

“Spread your legs.”

(y/n) did as she was told. She spread her legs open.

This is wrong, (y/n) thought to herself. We can’t do this. 

But desire started to pool below (y/n)’s stomach. So (y/n) quieted the voice inside her that told her to grab her nightgown and run out of the Queen’s room.

Alicent took a long drink from her goblet. 

“Have you done this before,” Alicent asked. 

(y/n) let out a laugh. “Have I ever been naked on the Queen’s bed before?”

Alicent bit her cheek to stop herself from laughing. “Have you ever touched yourself,” she reiterated. 

The smile left (y/n)’s face. She felt her face get hot. “I uhm- I,” she stammered. 

Alicent let out a chuckle. “I’ll take that as a no.”

(y/n) took a steadying breath. “I actually have,” she confessed. 

Alicent raised her brows. “Oh.”

“Do you want me to..uhm,” (y/n) started but couldn’t quite find the strength to say the words. 

Thankfully Alicent could.

“Yes, touch yourself,” Alicent commanded. 

(y/n) closed her eyes and let out a breath. She let her hands travel down her body, slowly working their way down between her legs. 

Alicent watch, rapt. She gripped the goblet of wine so hard her knuckles turned white. 

Soon (y/n)’s fingers slipped inside her. She started off slow, just like she used to back home in the comfort of her chamber. 

After a few strokes the pace of (y/n)’s fingers quickened. (y/n)’s chest heaved as her pleasure started to build.

Alicent bit her lip as (y/n) pleasured herself. The heat between her own thighs had built to an uncomfortable throbbing. 

“Say my name,” Alicent said, voice thick with want.

(y/n)’s pace quickened again, her chest heaved harder, her breaths quickened. 

“Alicent,” (y/n) breathed as she entered herself again and again. 

“Harder,” Alicent commanded. 

(y/n) slipped another finger inside herself and pushed her fingers deeper inside her. 

“Alicent,” (y/n) moaned. 

Alicent watched as the wave of (y/n)’s pleasure reached its crest. She watched as (y/n) came undone. 

“Alicent,” (y/n) moaned as she reached the peak of her pleasure. 

Alicent stood from her seat and swallowed hard as (y/n) came down from the pleasure flowing through her. 

There (y/n) lay, open and warm with a placid smile on her face. 

(y/n) looked over at Alicent. “What now Ali.”

At the sound of her childhood nickname a swell of guilt and shame washed over Alicent. She turned around and downed the last of her wine. 

“Get out,” she said. 

(y/n) sat up, confused. “But I..why?”

The Queen turned back around to face lady (y/n). 

“Leave, before I choose against mercy and drag you out of my room to expose what a filthy whore the realm’s beauty really is,” Alicent spat. 

Tears welled in (y/n)’s eyes but she would not let them fall in the Queen’s presence.

Of course it had been a trick. Everything with Alicent always revealed itself to be a trick.

(y/n) had been foolish enough to fall for one yet again. 

Lady (y/n) grabbed her nightgown and dressed herself as she made her way to the door. She left the room without another glance at the Queen. 

(y/n) wished to never see the Queen ever again.

-

Lord Corlys’ war ended with a victory for the crown but lady (y/n) remained a ward of the Queen.

(y/n) no longer read to the Queen. In fact the Queen had unknowingly granted (y/n)’s wish to never see her again. 

But in a bitter twist life not in the Queen’s gaze was cold and unforgiving. 

Lady (y/n) was practically confined to her room. She could leave to visit the Keep’s library or to see the other ladies of court for a few hours a day but the guards had been ordered to follow (y/n)’s every move and make her dine in her room alone every day. 

(y/n) was miserable, and she was sure it was exactly what Alicent had wanted. 

Lady (y/n) finally did get an audience with the King but all he did was confirm that the only way she would leave the Keep is if Alicent let her go, or if she married. 

Thankfully a celebration was upon the Keep. The King had betrothed Rhaenyra to (y/n)’s brother, Laenor. 

A tourney would be held for their nuptials. 

The King told (y/n) she would be allowed to attend the tourney if she wished to. (y/n) jumped at the chance to be among her family once again.

-

The day of the tourney came and (y/n) raced to her mother’s arms.

Her mother asked if all was well with the King and Queen. 

(y/n) lied and said all was going well. She did not wish to worry her mother with the truth. 

Laena and Laenor rushed to give (y/n) hugs of their own. 

Love and hope swelled inside (y/n). 

-

(y/n) sat between her sister and her brother at the tourney. 

It was Prince Daemon’s turn to joust a member of House Baratheon. 

He asked for Lady (y/n)’s favor. 

“Your favor would all but ensure my win, lady (y/n). You’ve grown more beautiful with age,” Prince Daemon said as he held his lance up for (y/n)’s favor. 

Lady (y/n) smiled politely and stood to grab her favor from the nearby table. 

As she grabbed the wreath of flowers with her house colors she noticed the look on the Queen’s face. 

Alicent was not pleased. 

(y/n) figured it was due to Prince Daemon’s presence. 

If there was someone Alicent hated more than (y/n) it was Prince Daemon. 

Lady (y/n) placed her favor on Prince Daemon’s lance. “I wish you luck, your grace.”

Prince Daemon winked at her as he galloped away. 

Lady (y/n) turned to her family. Her father wore a pleasure smirk on his face. 

Gods, (y/n) thought, he wishes to wed two of his children off. 

Lady (y/n) excused herself and exited the stands. 

She made it past a nearby tent before she felt a pair of hands pull her inside it.

It was the Queen. She was furious.

Lady (y/n) furrowed her brow.“Your grace, what is the matter.”

The Queen tightened her grip on lady (y/n)’s arms. 

“How dare you,” Alicent spat.

Lady (y/n) tried to free herself from the Queen but her grasp was firm.

“I don’t understand, your grace.”

The Queen scoffed. “You practically threw yourself at Prince Daemon like a commonborn whore.”

“I merely gave him my favor, as he asked of me.” Lady (y/n) bristled against the Queen’s grasp once more. 

But the Queen would not let go. 

She forced lady (y/n) to look at her. 

“Do you care for him? Do you wish to wed him,” the Queen asked, a slight tremble in her voice. 

Lady (y/n) looked into Alicent’s eyes. Alicent was angry, that much was clear, but (y/n) also saw a bit of fear in the Queen’s eyes. 

“I do not wish to wed anyone.” (y/n) sighed. “You know that, your grace,” (y/n) whispered.

The Queen let go of lady (y/n). She smoothed down the skirts of her dress and looked away from lady (y/n).

“I do not want to see you near Prince Daemon for the rest of the festivities,” the Queen commanded.

Lady (y/n) frowned. “That is not something I can promise your grace. He is the Prince,” (y/n) replied, defeated.

The Queen began to speak but lady (y/n) cut her off. 

“Why do you even care? It’s not as though it is of consequence to you if the Prince seeks my company,” (y/n) countered.

Alicent avoided (y/n)’s gaze. 

“I don’t have to answer to you, I am the queen.”

Lady (y/n) let out a small scoff. “You do as you please as you always have.”

The Queen met (y/n)’s gaze with narrowed eyes. “I did not grant you permission to speak so freely to me lady (y/n).”

Lady (y/n) crossed her arms against her chest. “Perhaps I’ve grown tired of this game you play with me, your grace. I am not a doll you can cast aside when you’re done toying with her.”

The Queen took a menacing step towards lady (y/n).

“You are done being mine when I command it,” the Queen declared.

Lady (y/n) would not back down this time. She remained firm.

“I will never be yours.”

The Queen pursed her lips. She stared at (y/n) for a few moments, searching for something though (y/n) was not sure what.

“You are a fool (y/n).”

And with that the Queen turned and walked out of the tent. 

Tears welled in lady (y/n)’s eyes. She blinked them away. She would not shed another tear for Alicent Hightower.

-

Lady (y/n) managed to stay away from Prince Daemon for the rest of the tourney. 

Not because the Queen told her to but because she had a real worry that the Prince meant to make her his wife.

The only thing worse than being ward of Alicent would be marrying the Prince.

But at the wedding feast she could not avoid the Prince. 

He sat to the right of her father and she had no choice but to be near him.

As the musicians started a lively tune Prince Daemon turned to lady (y/n) and asked for a dance. 

Lady (y/n) could not say no. 

She followed the Prince onto the dance floor.

Lady (y/n) didn’t need to look at the Queen to know the Queen was not pleased. 

Alicent stared at (y/n) and the Prince.

She downed another goblet of wine.

-

The song ended and lady (y/n) tried to leave but Prince Daemon pulled her close to him.

“How about another one?” 

Lady (y/n) smiled politely. “Of course, my Prince.”

She turned towards the table at the top of the stairs and sure enough, Alicent was staring daggers at her. 

Lady (y/n) turned away from the Queen and continued another dance with the Prince.

After a second dance the Prince and lady (y/n) returned to the great table. 

Lord Corlys joked they made a lovely couple. 

Prince Daemon remarked any man that could have lady (y/n)’s hand in marriage would be lucky indeed. 

“What do you say, your grace, shall we make this wedding celebration two fold?” Lord Corlys asked and raised a cup towards the King.

The King laughed and raised his cup to Lord Corlys. “A drink for the newly wed and another for the newly betrothed.”

The men laughed and drank while lady (y/n)’s polite smile faltered. 

Lady (y/n) looked to her mother for reassurance. Surely the men were not serious.

Her mother avoided her gaze. 

A lump formed in lady (y/n)’s throat. 

The Queen stood from her seat and declared she would retire for the night. 

She called for lady (y/n)’s assistance. 

Lady (y/n) sprang from her seat. “Of course your grace.”

Lady (y/n) followed the Queen out of the great hall. 

They did not speak until they were safely inside the Queen’s bedchamber. 

Lady (y/n) entered the room and immediately felt the Queen’s hands on her. 

Alicent pinned (y/n) to the wall.

“You will reject the Prince’s proposal.”

(y/n) struggled against Alicent’s grasp. “Why should I? I would wed and leave this wretched Keep.”

Alicent grabbed (y/n)’s chin with her free hand and forced (y/n) to meet her gaze.

“I will not allow such a betrothal.”

(y/n) scoffed. “It does not matter. The king approves.”

Alicent huffed. “I care not what the King approves.” She brought her face closer to (y/n)’s. “You will not leave my keep.”

(y/n) could feel Alicent’s breath on her lips. A heat bloomed inside her. Her eyes darted to Alicent’s lips then back up to her eyes.

“Why do you insist on keeping me prisoner?”

Alicent could feel (y/n)’s heart beat faster. She let go of (y/n) and walked away. “I do not need to explain myself to you.”

“Because you are the Queen,” (y/n) argued.

Alicent did not reply. She walked across the room to the pitcher of wine. She poured herself a cup.

“How long will you keep me here? Until I am old and gray?” 

(y/n) stepped closer to Alicent, demanding an answer.

“You said you never wanted to marry. I am merely fulfilling your girlhood wish,” Alicent replied as she downed the wine.

“What a gracious queen you are,” (y/n) said with a hollow laugh.

Alicent finished the last of her wine. “Lady (y/n) is beautiful, lady (y/n) is gracious, lady (y/n) is talented beyond measure.” Alicent mocked as she turned to face (y/n).  “All my girlhood I heard court sing you praises. I hated you so much.”

Alicent scoffed then started towards (y/n). “And then one summer you came to visit Rhaenyra, and I was determined to hate you…but you were so disgustingly kind.” 

She stopped when she reached (y/n). (y/n) eyed Alicent cautiously. 

Alicent tilted her head to the side and reached out to touch a lock of (y/n)’s hair.  “And you were so damn beautiful, just like they had all said.”

(y/n) turned away from Alicent’s touch. “So you hate me because I was kind to you?”

Alicent let out another hollow laugh. “You will never understand.”

(y/n) met Alicent’s gaze. “I understand that we were friends. I understand that you were kind until you became like your father, hungry for power.”

Silence lingered between them as Alicent gazed into (y/n)’s eyes. 

“I wanted you,” Alicent whispered. “I wanted you,” she repeated, a little louder.

(y/n) blinked hard. “I don’t-,” she started but Alicent interrupted her.

“My father wanted power, and he knew I wanted you,” Alicent confessed.  “He told me if I had power I could have you.”

(y/n) swallowed hard. Alicent’s voice rang in her ears, I wanted you.

At the sigh of (y/n)’s continued silence the side of Alicent’s mouth turned upwards in a sad kind of smile. “I got power, but I never got you.”

“You did that night,” (y/n) replied mindlessly.

They had never spoken of that night in Alicent’s bed.

Silence enveloped the pair, both rendered speechless by the weight of their confessions.

Alicent looked down and reached for (y/n)’s hand. 

(y/n) let her take her hand.

Alicent laced their fingers together. 

“Don’t accept Prince Daemon’s proposal.”

(y/n) sighed loudly.  “ If it’s what my father wills, I have no choice.”

Alicent looked back up and met (y/n)’s gaze, a playful smirk on her face.

“I could betroth you to Aegon.”

A small smile spread across (y/n)’s lips. “Would that please the King?”

Alicent shrugged, her thumb caressing (y/n)’s palm. 

“It would please me.”

(y/n) let out a small laugh. Alicent returned it and together they enjoyed their brief armistice. 

-

Talya walked into the Queen’s bedchambers with another pitcher full of wine. She poured the queen another cup full. 

The Queen was in a foul mood, even for her. 

Talya excused herself and took the old empty pitcher with her. 

That morning when she broke fast with the King he informed her that Daemon’s betrothal to the lady (y/n) was all but final. 

Alicent remained in her chambers the rest of the day, drinking goblet after goblet of wine. 

Her father had tried to chastise her for acting like a petulant spoiled child but Alicent didn’t care anymore. 

It was over.

(y/n) would marry the Prince, have his children, and be his. Forever.

Alicent pulled the furs above her and buried her head in the many pillows on her bed. 

The door opened. 

“I do not wish to see anyone,” she barked. 

“Lady (y/n) is here your grace,” Ser Criston called. 

Alicent sat up, and sure enough (y/n) stood at the entrance of the room, book in hand. 

“Leave us Ser Criston,” the Queen ordered. 

Ser Criston bowed his head and left the two women alone. 

“What are you doing here,” Alicent asked. 

(y/n) smiled softly.  “I’ve come to read to you, your grace.”

Alicent scoffed then grabbed the goblet from the nightstand and downed the rest of her wine. 

“Don't you have a betrothed to read to now?” She asked bitterly.

(y/n) walked to the foot of Alicent’s bed then climbed on and knelt in front of the Queen as she had done so many nights before. 

Alicent watched her, her brows furrowed. 

(y/n) set down the book in front of her then looked back up at Alicent. 

“I spoke with my father. I informed him I wish to become a septa.”

“You wish to be a septa?” Alicent asked slowly.

(y/n) nodded. “The keep is always in need of septas is it not?”

Alicent’s brow slowly unfurrowed as she understood (y/n)’s true meaning.

“You’re staying?” She asked, tears welling in her eyes.

(y/n) had never seen Alicent cry. She gazed into Alicent’s eyes.

“Does the Queen command me to stay?” (y/n) asked.

“Only if you wish to,” Alicent replied with a tremor in her voice.

(y/n) crawled across the bed and wiped the tears from Alicent’s eyes. 

“I wish to,” she whispered. 

Alicent returned (y/n)’s smile. 

(y/n) turned to the book she brought. “I also brought the moon charts. I did not get to tell you about them the last time I read to you.”

When (y/n) turned back to face Alicent their faces were inches apart. 

Alicent took a steadying breath. 

(y/n) looked at her expectantly. 

Alicent reached up and cupped (y/n)’s face. “Don’t move,” Alicent commanded. 

(y/n) waited with bated breath as Alicent slowly closed the gap between them. 

Lady (y/n)’s eyes fluttered closed as she felt the Queen’s lip against her own. 

The moon charts next to the couple would go unexplored for the rest of the night as the Queen finally claimed what was hers and lady (y/n) realized she did believe in love after all.

[orimuraa]

ᡣ𐭩 Baby don't cry - Park Sunghoon

(synopsis) 𓆩♡𓆪 sunghoon is in love with his best friend, but he's too stupid to realize how much he needs her in his life. so what will happen when he accidentally sends her the wrong singals? how will he fix it? or where y/n is painfully in love with her best friend, sunghoon, but she's afraid if she ever tells him, she'll lose her best friend. but what happens when she's finally had enough of it, of her heart breaking, over and over again? will she be able to move on from sunghoon? or will she be able to suck it up, and confess her feelings for him? ִ ࣪𖤐

best friend!sunghoon x fem!reader ❀˖° angst to fluff-ish? ❀˖° bsf to lovers ❀˖° oneshot ❀˖° wc 2k ❀˖° swearing, petnames, includes all of enha, karina (aespa), wonyoung (ive), chaewon (lsfm), angst, mutual pining, chae's rlly mean in this but ik she's a sweetheart irl so pls don't come at me

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.

y/n became best friends with sunghoon when she was 4, and he was 5. being the shy little girl she was, she didn't have a lot of friends. so when sunghoon approached her all those years ago on the playground, asking if she wanted to be friends, she couldn't help but fall a little for him. these two became inseparable. always seen together whether it was at the park, at one's house, in school, basically just anywhere. but as the years went by, and they both grew up, y/n found herself discovering feelings for her best friend that she had never felt for anyone else. being too scared to tell anyone about this, y/n hid her feelings and tried to ignore them. but when college rolled around, and y/n and sunghoon started seeing less of each other and making new friends, y/n finds herself lost in all her feelings.

beep! beep! beep! y/n wakes up to the sound of her alarm with a groan. picking up her phone from her night stand, she reads the time. 6:30 am. "it's too early..." she grumbles, dropping her phone beside her. despite not wanting to get up, y/n pulls herself out of bed, and drags herself into the bathroom to get ready.

stumbling out off the dorm she shares with her two besties, karina and wonyoung, y/n makes sure to lock the door before heading out to school. as she arrives, she sees wonyoung and karina already waiting outside for her, smiling and waving at her, and sunghoon. sunghoon is standing around with his group of friends, but he doesn't even acknowledge her. it aches her heart a bit, she won't lie, but y/n tries to shrug it off, heading over to wonyoung and karina. "hey n/n!" wonyoung greets cheerfully before dropping her smile at the sight of y/n's small frown. y/n is the youngest in their friend group, therefore making her the baby (rina's words). "what's wrong ynnie?" karina asks softly, trying to be as soft as possible with the young girl. "it's stupid..." y/n mumbles while fiddling with the hem of her skirt. "don't worry eonnies! i'm fine!" y/n says, forcing a fake smile on her face and walking away. wonnie and rina look at each other but decide not to say anything about it, walking to go catch up with y/n.

walking into class, y/n couldn't help but glance over at sunghoon, who currently had his arm being snuggled (?) into by chaewon, the snobby, rich girl of the school. sunghoon and his group of friends were considered to be the "popular athletes" of the school while y/n and her small group were considered to be the "it girls" of the school. but chaewon and a few other rich girls were always the "popular and rich" ones who didn't exactly have the brains, but they had the money. but who cares about grades when you have money, right? sitting down in her usual seat next to the window, y/n heard someone sit down next to her as well. "hey y/n! it's been a while since we last talked! i haven't really seen you around that much," turning her head to look at the person, quickly realizing it was sunoo! one of sunghoon's friends and also the one she is closest to in the group, besides sunghoon of course. all though it doesn't really feel like it anymore. "oh sunoo!! hi! i'm sorry i haven't been able to see you guys that much lately," she frowned, placing her hand on his arm. this caught someone's eye though, causing the person to frown at the sight. i wonder who. "don't be sorry! just promise me you'll hang out with us more! the res of the guys really miss you," sunoo says, putting on a small pout. "i will, i promise. but umm...what's going on with chaewon and hoon over there?" y/n asks, not being able to stop her nosy self. "ugh. don't even get me started on her," sunoo says as he rolls his eyes. "she's been flirting with him literally 24/7. but when we ask her to go away, she whines to sunghoon, and tells us that he wants her company, even though we all know, he most definitely does not. in fact, he's actually been crushing on this girl for some time..." sunoo adds, raising his eyebrows at y/n, which goes unnoticed by y/n as she feels her heart drop. what? sunghoon likes someone? how come he didn't tell me? y/n's thoughts get quickly interrupted by the sound of the bell, informing students that is time for lunch. "oh, bye ynnie! come by and hang out with us more often, 'kay?" sunoo says while packing up his stuff. "yeah, of course! bye sunoo," y/n smiles, turning and speed-walking herself to the cafeteria to spill everything to her besties.

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.

"and then i swear i saw chaewon smirk at me!!" y/n whined, slumping further into her chair. but she saw rina and wonnie widen their eyes trynna get her to stop. "what? all i'm saying is that chaewon is always a bitch to me! why does sunghoon have to like her out of all people?!" y/n continues, not noticing how her friends are literally making hand gestures for her to shut up. "oh? so now i like chaewon?" a voice says from behind her. a voice that y/n can easily recognize. slowly turning to face the owner of the voice. "oh my gosh, i'm so sorry! please forget you ever heard anything!" y/n cries, hiding her face in her hands out of embarrassment. "nah, it's all good," sunghoon says, pulling y/n's hands down. but his usual chill demeanor quickly vanishes as soon as their eyes meet. it's replaced with a frantic and anxious one. y/n couldn’t read into it that much but she felt her heart skip a beat when their eyes locked. wait, i shouldn’t be thinking about him like this…y/n thought to herself and her cheeks started heating up. "did you need something hoon?" y/n asked, trying to move on from her feelings. "o-oh right. uhh can i ask a favor from you?" he said, nervously rubbing his neck. "oh sure! what is it?" y/n asked, putting on a bright smile now that her best friend wanted something from her again instead of ignoring her. by now, her and sunghoon had walked out of the cafeteria and stopped in an empty hallway for more privacy. "well...there's this girl i like...and i don't know how to tell her i like her," his words instantly shattering y/n's heart. "she's so pretty and her laugh and smile are infectious, but i'm too nervous to say anything. so i was wanted to get your opinion on how you would like a guy to ask you out." every word basically crushed y/n's heart into tinier and tinier pieces. "oh...well i guess if you like her that much then you should do something really special. i would say flowers and a pretty date at a cafe or a restaurant are nice," y/n mumbled, trying so hard to keep the tears from spilling. "i'm sorry. i have to go now." y/n said, swiftly turning and speed-walking out of the hallway, leaving sunghoon speechless.

y/n had always helped sunghoon with his "girl issues" and although each time it broke her heart, she only wanted her best friend to be happy. but as the years went on, and y/n's feeling for the boy only grew stronger, she slowly started thinking she wasn't ever going to be enough to compete with each girl sunghoon had fallen for. the only people who could comfort her about her insecurities were wonyoung and karina. but there's only so much hurt the heart can take.

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.

"hey y/n!" y/n turned around to see chaewon calling out to her. "oh, hey chaewon. what did you need?" y/n said, trying to not act annoyed. "i just wanted to ask you to stop hanging around hoonie so much. he's my boyfriend now and it makes me feel uncomfortable, that another girl is so...clingy with him," boyfriend?? clingy??? "oh..yeah sure. sorry, i didn't realize you two were a thing.." y/n mumbled, wanting to end the conversation and chaewon. "great! thanks!" and with that, kim chaewon walked away, leaving y/n more lost than ever.

y/n tried not to let this effect her day but in reality, how could she not? the boy she had liked since forever had recently asked her on how to ask a girl out AND he probably used this advice to ask out kim chaewon. without realizing it, tears had started rolling down her soft cheeks. why is love so complicated? now fully sobbing and breaking down in the middle of the library, y/n couldn't help but feel so helpless and pathetic. crying over her best friend who would probably never like her back in the school library. what had her life become? thankfully, it was quite late so no one was really in the library at that time...or so she thought.

deciding she was ready to go home and to the safety of her bed and karina and wonyoung's company, she slowly gathered her stuff and right as she was about to stand up, she collided with someone. looking up with her red and puffy eyes, she saw the last person she wanted to see right now. park sunghoon. "y/n?? are you okay?? what happened?? why are you crying?" and at that moment, y/n knew that that was her breaking point. "you know what? i'm tired of hiding my feelings all the damn time. no! i'm clearly not okay. and you know why? it's all because of you park sunghoon! you make me feel loved and appreciated, making me fall more and more in love with you! but how would you feel if your crush of 15 years tells you that he's madly in love with someone? how would you feel if over the past years, your heart has been ripped apart every single time he needs help on how to ask out a girl, only to be fixed by that same fucking person? telling you that he's "always there for you" and "always gonna love you" when it's clear that it's bullshit! because i know i'm not the one in your heart. i know i never will be!" at this point, it was just y/n ripping out her heart and laying out for sunghoon to see, rapid tears streaming down her face. "i'm sick and tired of thinking i have a chance. goodbye sunghoon." and with that y/n turns around, fully ready to leave and attempt to move on from the boy. but sunghoon clearly has other plans. with a quick but gentle grab of y/n's wrist, sunghoon pulls her in and smashes his lips against her, the action shocking the both of them at his boldness. but y/n doesn't mind, as she has been waiting for this basically her entire life. when they pull apart, both breathless, sunghoon gently places his hands on the sides of y/n's face, pressing his forehead against hers. "baby don't cry," he whispers, wiping y/n's eyes ever so gently. "i'm so sorry for being so stupid. i've liked you for years, but i thought that if i said anything, it would ruin us. i shouldn't have ever led you on like that." sunghoon says softly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "will you give me a chance to prove how much i truly love you and only you, princess?" the small nod of y/n's head is all the confirmation he needs. pulling her small frame into his arms, and kissing the top of her head, whispering small "thank you"s and promises to cherish and love her the way she deserved to be.

although it took many years for the two to confess, they have finally ended up in each other's arms, their actions speaking the words they cannot say. "i love you, hoon," "i love you more, princess."

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ﾟ.

idk how to feel abt this tbh...it was a good idea in my head until i started typing it out (i deeply apologize if it sucks)....but anyway! i hope you enjoyed! likes and reblogs are so appreciated <33

[bellarkeselection]

I had an idea for rip. It’s kinda like the scene from season 1 where jimmy got beaten up by Fred but instead of Jimmy could it be the reader is rips wife and she’s secretly pregnant with their second child and she protects her stomach and then revel to rip she’s pregnant again. You can easily change bits to the story or even add a little bit of smut that’s fine with me .

The Rule Of Fighting…Especially my Wife

Threading my fingers through his black hair Rip broke the kiss pulling himself out of me where we laid under the covers naked. Running a hand over my face I began catching my breath. Moving my other hand over my growing pregnant belly until Rip grasped my hand in his. Rolling onto my side I whispered still not awake even though we woke up in a very pleasing way. “Do you have to go to work today. Can’t we just take a day and lay around the house?”

“You’re daddy wouldn’t like that. Besides I owe him everything for letting me work at the ranch.” He responded leaning forward and kissing me on the head gently getting up from the bed. He shrugs his jeans on and grabbed his black jacket with his hat off the hook.

Holding myself up on my elbow I held the sheet up against my chest even though he had seen me naked already. “Yeah you’re probably right, baby. Hey though where do you think our little Georgie is off too?”

“I ain’t too sure. He’s probably trying to sattle a horse or running around with his grandpa John. I’ll see you later tonight Y/n.” He placed his hat on his head coming over giving me one last kiss going to work.

Getting out of the bed, I ran my hands down my grown belly, looking myself over in the standing mirror we had in the corner of the bedroom. I slide on the pair of jeans that didn't press on my stomach, pairing it with a light orange flannel shirt that was tucked into them. With some light brown boots and a tan cowgirl hat on my head. Heading towards the barn, I grabbed the saddle for my horse about to throw it over until I heard someone make a remark about me entering the room. "Woah, I guess that Wheeler really couldn't let you go, so he just keeps knocking you up."

"I'm sorry do you have a problem with me?" Throwing the saddle over my horse I turned around on my feet with my boots kicking up dust.

My gaze met the appearance of one of the ranch hands who was named Fred if I remember correctly. "I've got a problem with you getting special attention from the boss."

"Your boss is my father, so.." Crossing my arms over my chest, I snipped in a slight tone.

Fred stepped closer towards me, glaring down at me since he was slightly taller than me. "I ain't talkin about your daddy, Dutton. You're sleeping with Wheeler and get off work early and still getting the same pay as we do. That isn't right in my opinion."

"First off, I get breaks more than you because of my five year old son Georgie and are you blind cause at the moment I'm pregnant again. Two, I'm heading to work now Fred - argh!" I screamed when he stomped up grabbing me by my hair yanking me backwards until I elbow him in the face.

He stumbled backwards holding his nose while I spun around on my feet. "You bitch!"

"You don't want to fight me, Fred." I warned him, getting in a fighting stance with my hands into fists ready to go.

Yet the ranch hand refused my warning and came charging straight for me. He tackled me to the dirt before I could really blink. He was throwing punches at me but I was blocking most until he gave a harsh one to my belly and I released a cry of agony. "God damn!" I cursed curling up in a ball for a second with him getting to his feet.

"You need to remember who is stronger here, Dutton girl." He spat down to me.

Sniffing through some tears i glared at him until I swiped my feet underneath his near mine where he topped to the dust. Forcing myself to my feet I held my stomach with one hand landing a good punch on his nose with the other. Fred came back trying to kick my stomach yet I buried my face close against it so he kneed me in the face. My nose begins bleeding where he quickly grabbed my arm throwing me over his back until we heard my son's sweet voice. "Mommy, why are you wrestling?"

"You're boys gonna see how weak you are - ohhh fuck!" Fred groaned in serious pain onto his knees when I kicked him in between his legs giving me the chance to rush to my son.

Grabbing his shoulders I croaked through tears and some pain myself. "Georgie, go find daddy now. Bring him here." He ran off when Fred started getting up until I charged tackling the man even though it was harder when I was pregnant.

Swinging a few punches at Fred I got some of his blood on my knuckles. He grabbed my wrists twisting them behind my back throwing me down again. "I told you I was stronger than you, bitch!" He growled in my ear where he about kicks me in the stomach again until someone harshly shoved his body against the wooden barn stalls.

Gasping for breath and some relief I sat upright seeing my husband Rip had him by the collar where he threw him against the stall and then did it again but it was down in the dirt raising his voice. "What's the rule about fighting, Fred. You wanna fight somebody, come fight me. I'll fight you all damn day!"

"That girl done started it with her saying that she deserves the same pay as we do but cuts out half the work. I guess you'll believe anything when you married a whore." Fred coughed looking at me when Georgie came over by my side.

Rip yanked the guy by his jacket holding him against the wall where he almost couldn't breathe by the choke hold he had on the ranch hand. "What did you call her!"

"She's knows I'm right that's she had to send in the little guy to get the big guns." Fred taunts until my husband kicked him harshly in the gut and he collapsed into the dirt.

He grabbed Fred up one last time against the wall for good measure croaking his deep tone with the words he declared. "If you ever hit or speak to my wife like that again I'll kill you, Fred! Are you okay, Y/n?" He released him from his grasp coming slowly over to me with his gaze softening.

"I hurt a little bit...here especially. But otherwise I think I'll be fine." I mumbled placing my hand in his with my eyes dropping to my pregnant stomach where he tugged me up to stand where he picked me up bridal style when I almost collapsed onto the dirt not able to stand on my own.

He carried me back to our cabin with Georgie following us and opening the door to the cabin, then our bedroom and finally the bathroom. "Georgie, go grab one of my shirts and the shorts off the foot of the bed for mommy." Rip spoke towards our son who quickly came back with what he asked.

"Is mommy going to be okay, daddy?" He asked with worry in his sweet voice.

Rip sat me down on the toilet lowering himself to his knees since I didn't have gotten my balance back yet. "She will be. I want you to go play with grandpa John while I help mommy okay little man." He nodded leaving us alone in the bathroom letting silence into the room.

He slowly tugged on my shirt shrugging it over and off my body giving him perfect view of my belly. "I'm sorry he did this to you..to our baby. I'll take him to the train station tomorrow morning if that's what you want." He placed his on my bump feeling me slightly pull away when he touched the sorest part of my body from the fight.

"Rip, don't blame yourself for this. Fred has always been a jackass from the day my father hired him. I'll go to the doctor and get the baby checked out." Resting my hands on his shoulders I sent him a half smile knowing he would start blaming himself for me getting injured.

He nodded, helping me remove my pants and slide the shorts up. He ran a hand through my hair once I slipped his shirt on that was like a dress on me. "I love you so much, darling. He will never touch you again I swear it." He softly took me into his arms carrying me into the other room laying me down in the bed.

He climbed in on his side and I snuggled up into his warmth knowing he would leave to deal with the rancher when I went to sleep and rested. "I love you, Rip and so will this second child of ours." Whispering up into his brown eyes I intertwined our hands together closing my eyes letting sleep overtake me.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[pixiesfz]

hi hi! can i request a fluffy jessie fic where her and reader have been together for a few years and reader has a kid from a different relationship (shes older than jess by a few years) and jessie just treats readers kid like her own because the other parent isn't in the kids life anymore!

I have the cutest idea!

little O j.f

plot: a year out of your marriage to your ex, you meet Jessie and so does your little daughter Olivia, it’s been a rough ride but the day finally comes that she calls Jessie mum.

warning: if you don’t want kids after this (I don’t blame you) I don’t know what will.

Olivia or liv of you were allowed (she was fussy) was your whole world and Jessie knew that, it was the first thing you brought up on your date but she insisted that it would be no problem for her.

“Jess” you started, it was now your tenth date without returning to your own home and you had both decided it was time for Jessie to meet you very sassy 3 year old.

“I want to meet her, I’ve been actually really excited for this moment for a while” she smiled and you leaned back “she’ll be confused she has never seen me date a women, well that’s also because I’ve never dated a woman long enough for them to meet her” you explained and Jessie nodded as she drove to your house.

“I’m sure it will be fine and if she doesn’t like me straight away I’ll just buy her ice cream” she said and you scoffed “no Olivia is a mini genius she will see through your plan”.

When you arrived at your home early in the evening you thanked and payed your babysitter who stared blankly at Jessie when she entered the room.

“When you told me you were going on dates, you didn’t tell me it was a Olympic gold winning soccer player” she smirked and you rolled your eyes “well that’s if Olivia doesn’t run her away like she did my ex boyfriend” you laughed as you remembered him “well maybe she did me a favour”.

The babysitter left and you made your way up to your daughters room to find her not in her bed.

“oh shit”

Unbeknownst to you your little 3 year old had heard voices when she was supposed to be asleep and got curious.

Now she stood staring at Jessie as she was looking into your pantry.

“You’re not mummy” she glared and Jessie’s eyes popped, how did a 3 year old scare her so much.

“No I’m not” she said before nervously pulling her hand out “hi my names Jessie” she smiled and Olivia stared at her

“Why are you here Jessie?” she asked with a scowl and your loud and quick footsteps entered the room “oh Jesus” you muttered at the sight.

“Jessie is here” you started as you picked up your daughter “because I want you to meet her, I plan on you two seeing eachother more often” you explained and your daughter looked in between you.

“Is this like meanie Michael?” She asked, saying his name as if it was a swear word “yes but no” you explained “Jessie will be here with me and you and-“

“And I’m not going to leave” Jessie stepped in and looked at you “I promise” she said this time looking at Olivia.

“But you’re both girls?” She asked out of curiosity and your eyes widened.

The next time Jessie came over to see you and Olivia was nice, you three went on a walk as Olivia demanded to be thrown, taking advantage of the fact there was two of you. Then you ate fish and chips at an oval and walked back.

When Jessie said goodbye she gave you a quick kiss on the lips and bent down to Olivia “I uhm- I’m going now” she said and Olivia nodded “are you going to come back?” she asked and she nodded “yeah I’ll be back” she smiled and Olivia nodded, suspicious of the girl.

Olivia refused to go to bed in her own bed that night and you were too tired to fight when she snuggled up to you in your bed.

“Mummy” she whispered out and you hummed “I don’t want Jessie to leave” she said, you turned around at her words “do you like Jessie baby?” You asked and she looked around “I like you and I don’t want you to be sad again” she said and you nodded “I don’t think Jessie will leave”

“You said the same thing about meanie michael and horrid harry”

You tried not to smile at the nickname your daughter gave your exes “Jessie’s different” you smiled at your daughter as you tan your fingers through her hair “how do you know?” She asked and you smiled “I don’t know” you admitted and Olivia frowned “but I’m glad to know you like her”

“I didn’t say I liked her” Olivia huffed and you nodded “okay then” you smirked and your daughter poured “I didn’t say I like her!”

Olivia watched as months went by, Jessie coming in and out of the house almost everyday as you now forced her to go to Jessie’s games where she promised Olivia she could walk out as her ‘mascot’ one day.

“I’m not nobody’s mascot” she replied and you both laughed “mascots get to be on the pitch” you told her and she smiled “I wanna be a mascot!” She yelled and Jessie laughed.

“This is your fault” you said as you pointed at Jessie who gasped “she now wants to be a football sensation”

“Like Sam Kerr!” Your now recently turned 4 year old yelled “what about Jessie Fleming?” You asked

“No”

Jessie shrugged “worth a try bye little O” she waved and Olivia looked at you “I’m not little” she said and you picked her up “course your not” Jessie smiled and walked back to her team but tan back to give you a kiss on the cheek then walk away again.

“I think-“ your daughter stopped before looking up again “I think I like-“ she stopped again “Liv what is-“

“I think I like Jessie” she admitted and you smiled “yeah?” You asked and she nodded “do you like her so much that you wouldn’t mind if her sleeping at the house stayed permanent?” You asked and the little girl rolled her eyes “she can’t take my room” she said and you kissed her forehead “it’s okay we’re gonna share mine”.

Jessie moved in and things were working nicely, she had signed up Olivia for soccer and now you were stuck driving the girl to trainings and games.

“Can Jessie drive me next week” Olivia asked as she got into the car, your heart swelled but you tried to hide it “have you had enough of me?” You asked pretending to be hurt but she grabbed your hand “some of the boys on my team don’t believe my mums dating a soccer star” she complained

“and also Jessie can tell them some tips because I’m running circles around them” she sighed and you laughed.

“I’m sure she would love to”

You got home and showered Olivia before sending her to bed when you joined Jessie on the couch. “Guess what?” You asked and Jessie shrugged “did Olivia injure another player?” she asked and you shook your head “oh god no, I do t think I’ve never been more angry and proud of her ever but no”

“Then what is it?” Jessie said as she leaned down on you “she asked if you could take her to training next week” at the news Jessie shot up to look at you, excitement filling her mind “really?” She asked and you nodded “I know your busy but could you-“

“Yes”

“But I know you have some team bonding-“ Jessie shit you up with her hand to your mouth “No I will call that off if Olivia wants me, I will not disappoint her” she smiled and went back to her seat.

“I love you”

The words poured out of you without you even noticing but when Jessie looked at you, your cheeks turned crimson red “I love you too” she said and she leaned down to wear you laid on the couch and kissed you.

You loved each other and lived with each other and your daughter was warming up together.

You were almost like a family.

It wasn’t until Sam and Kristies wedding that your daughter realised that.

She sat with other children at a small table where you and Jessie were sat nearby as you watched Sam and Kristie have their first dance.

She watched Sam and Kristie then to you and Jessie and wondered if you were going to ever be in the same position.

Then her mind got too excited when she was allowed onto the dance floor.

You and Jessie watched in awe as your daughter went up to another boy and danced with him, laughs filled as your whole table joined. Olivia came back to you with blushing cheeks as she told you his name was Dylan.

When she ran back to the dance floor she saw Dylan dancing with another young girl, heartbreak flowed through her as a tear ran down her eye.

This must be how mummy felt she thought before she looked back to see you with Jessie, you had a smile on your face as you slow danced.

Jessie made you happy.

So Jessie made her happy.

“Mama!” She yelled as she ran to Jessie, you turned your head with furrowed brows at the new ‘a’ sound that she didn’t usually call you but when you saw the girl jump into Jessie’s arms your eyes watered “hey little O” Jessie said as she tried her very hardest not to react weirdly at her new label.

“Dylan mama, he- he with another girl!” She complained before she cried into Jessie’s shoulder “which boy is Dylan” she said as she held Olivia closer.

You didn’t even think to slap Jessie out of her state as Olivia pointed him out and they made their way to him.

Kristie ran over to you in fear “oh my god” her American accent thick “why are you crying, are you okay?” She asked and you smiled “happy tears I promise, Olivia called Jessie mama for the first time”

Kristie gasped and grabbed your hands “really?” She asked and you nodded and you looked for your girlfriend and your daughter who were now walking back.

“Mummy why are you crying?” Olivia said “Is it because I took away Mama?” She worried as she passed Jessie towards you.

“No no darling you can have Mama as much as you want” you told her “good” she smiled “because despicable Dylan and is now too scared to dance with anyone at all” she cheered and you looked to Jessie.

“You’re now Mama so you get to talk to any angry parents who come looking for the girl who yelled at their son”

After that you heard little patters of feet walking up to your daughter.

“That boy sucks” the little blonde said and held out her hand “my names Harper” she smiled and Olivia took her hand “my names Olivia” she said and they walked off.

“Do you also have two mummies?”

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

There's a 100% Chance I'm Gonna Marry You | Spencer Reid

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: The team doesn’t even know of her existence but when Spencer can’t get a hold of her, he gets worried. Now he has no other choice than to tell his coworker about her.

Warnings: worry, guns, kicking down doors, mention of Maeve & Haley's death, fluff!

Author's note: I kinda love this like a lot???

Words: 3.4K

Spencer was happy. Considering the things he had gone through in the past ten years, no one had expected him to ever come back to his incredibly happy and constantly smiley self. No one had ever seen him so giggly and teasing his colleagues every single day. 

If you asked his coworkers, all of them would say something different. JJ, Alex and Penelope all swore he was simply in love. Hotch and Rossi knew what was happening – years of profiling in their back pocket that would catch onto the tiniest signs and being his boss had its perks. Morgan believed he was just getting laid, finally. 

If you asked Spencer, he’d simply shrug and say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

The truth was that he was in love, just like his female coworkers had guessed. 

He had met her a few years earlier at a bookstore. The two of them had reached for the exact same book at the exact same time, causing their hands to bump. Apologies floated through the air, followed by their awkward giggles when their eyes locked. Spencer offered to buy her the book that day and she insisted they read it together over a cup of coffee. Of course he didn’t decline, and neither did he alert her that he read as fast as lightning. For her, he’d read at her pace. 

Ever since that day, the two of them had been hanging out non-stop at bookstores, coffee shops, and eventually at each other’s apartment. It took them a good six months before finally sharing a searing kiss that sealed their relationship. 

That kiss was about a little over a year ago and now, the two of them were living together. Albeit, she kept her old address, with the help of Hotch who had called in favor, just to throw anyone that snooped into their personal affairs off. 

Without any of his colleagues knowing. 

At first, he didn’t want their relentless teasing, but then he was reminded of how the BAU’s family and partners were put in constant danger over being even slightly connected to them. Spencer almost wanted to break up with her over it, just to keep her safe. And they did, for a good week, until Spencer realized he couldn’t live without her. 

She was fine with being his little secret. Though sometimes, she wanted to get to know his colleagues after all the stories she heard from him. The gruesome details about those stories, however, she’d rather forget immediately. 

That was why the two of them kept in touch as much as they could during his cases. Quick phone calls, just to check in with one another, constant text messages, … There was never a moment where the two of them didn’t hear from one another. 

When one day she didn’t answer him, he grew immediately worried. 

That day had started early for Spencer. He'd been woken up at five am by a call from JJ, telling him to come into work as soon as he could, but not to bring a go-bag. Her eyes had fluttered open ever so slightly, but he shushed her and kissed her forehead. 

“Go back to sleep,” he whispered and tried to pull away, but her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him back. 

The girl whined and though her eyes were closed, her lips were pursed. “Gimme kiss first.” 

Chuckling, Spencer leaned down and kissed her on the lips sweetly. “I love you.”

“Mmh, love you too. Come back to me in one piece, Doctor Reid.” 

She tugged at the duvet to cozy up and doze off again. For a couple seconds, he watched her with a tender smile plastered on his face. He hated leaving the girl he loved behind. He’d much rather cuddle up to her underneath the covers. 

“I promise,” he whispered and kissed her head again before finally turning on his heel and walking out the apartment. It was always with a heavy heart that he left the apartment, but his mind was quickly occupied by the case at hand. 

It wasn’t until 10am when he received a text from her. The initials “L.G.” flashing onto his screen. It was her contact name that she had added. It stood for Lover Girl, she had told him, while putting his contact name as P.B.; Pretty Boy. 

L.G.: I actually slept until now. Got any statistics on that, Doctor? 

A smile took over his entire face. She often asked him for any statistics about whatever she was thinking about. It was her favorite thing to do, listening to him ramble off facts and statistics, which was why she’d asked for it. Even if it was merely through text.

P.B.: 55% of people oversleep at least once a week and 75% of those have missed work. A little over 30% said they oversleep once a week and 24% do it multiple times a week.

He waited a minute, she usually answered within a couple minutes and he and Morgan were waiting for their colleagues to compile their theories anyway. When her message popped onto his screen, he couldn’t help but smile even wider. 

L.G.: You never disappoint. – Thank GOD for bank holidays. ;-) 

Spencer chuckled before starting to type up a response. 

P.B.: What are you up to today? 

Before her reply came in, their colleagues filed into the briefing room where he and Morgan resided. He quickly chucked his phone in his pocket and focused on what his coworkers were saying. It took a couple of minutes as they put their heads together and piece together some of the evidence they had found. 

“Morgan, Reid, I’m gonna need you to go to the apartment building and ask around if anyone has seen Peter in the hallways that night. Alex and Rossi, you’re on the new crime scene. JJ and I will head to the M.E.”

Everyone nodded at their assignments before they got up and filed out of the briefing room. As Spencer followed Morgan out to the SUV, he grabbed his phone to check her message she had sent. 

L.G.: Just going to run some errands. Do you need anything from the grocery store? 

P.B.: Can you get me some of those rice crispy treats, please, angel? 

He put his phone back in his pocket before turning to his coworker next to him, who was sneaking glances at him whilst driving. “I do still wonder who you’re always texting with that dopey smile on your face.” 

Spencer coughed. “My-my mom.” 

“Are you ever gonna tell me the truth?” Derek asked, his thick brows raised. There was no answer at the top of that genius brain of his, so he simply grimaced and nodded his head. 

The two of them focused back on the case and went door to door at the apartment building, asking everyone if they had seen who they were looking for. None of them were much help and when they were done interviewing the inhabitants, one hour had passed. On the way back to the car, Spencer checked his phone again, but no messages from his Lover Girl this time. 

He frowned and sent her another text. 

P.B.: Back from the store yet, L.G.? Did you remember my rice crispy treats? 

It wasn’t usual for her to take this long to reply, especially when she had a day off. Her phone’s sound was always on and she had it closeby at every moment. Worry settled on his chest. He couldn’t act on the anxieties swirling around in his mind as he couldn’t just rush home mid-case. 

When there was no answer another hour later, Spencer knew something was up. He tried to call her when he and Morgan were waiting on the rest of the team to regroup, but it went straight to voicemail. 

“Hiya! You just missed me, but leave a message and I’ll call you back when I can.” 

The sound of her voice calmed him down a little bit, but the fact that it was her voicemail only made his worry grow. Two steps forward and one step back, it felt like. 

“You okay, Reid?” Morgan asked when he noticed his coworker in distress. 

Spencer internally groaned at the fact he couldn’t tell Morgan what was stressing him out because he had decided to keep his girlfriend a secret. Especially at a moment like this when there could be something wrong with her. For all he knew, she could be hurt. The exact reason for keeping her a secret in the first place.

“Uhm, yeah,” he lied. “Yeah, I’m okay.” 

It was crystal clear that Morgan didn’t believe his coworker but with the height of the case nearing, he decided not to press any further. It was only hours later, when they closed the case, and Spencer was clearly spiraling that he decided to ask further. 

“Reid, seriously, what’s going on?” he asked when Spencer hung up his phone for a fifth time, not getting the answer he wanted. 

Spencer sighed and chucked his phone in his pocket, his hands trembling as he did so. “I-I need to go home. Something’s wrong.” 

“With your mom?” Morgan asked as he watched Spencer rush out the BAU. The resident genius didn’t even bother to answer, which left Morgan with no other choice than to simply follow behind him. “Hey, Reid!” he called when he caught up to Spencer near the SUV. With furrowed brows and trembling hands trying to unlock the car, the younger man looked up. “Let me drive.” 

And with that said, Derek and Spencer got into the car and drove off to Spencer’s apartment. Derek wasn’t even sure what he was in for, but he trusted Spencer enough to follow him blindly. The two of them entered Spencer’s apartment building and rushed up the stairs to apartment 23.

A scream echoed through the door and reverberated in Spencer’s chest, causing his heart to plummet to his stomach. Derek and Spencer both reached for their guns, ready to shoot whoever’s hurting this screaming person. Another scream came from inside and Derek quickly and swiftly kicked down the apartment door. 

Another scream, but this time because of the sudden disruption. Once Spencer was certain there was no immediate danger, he holstered his weapon, as did Derek. His eyes scanned over his girlfriend. She had her hair scraped back into a messy bun, an old CalTech shirt of his that reached just beneath her bum and underneath it the tiniest of shorts that were barely visible. 

Once her heart had calmed down from the near-heart attack, she tugged the earphones out of her ears. “Fucking hell, Spence, way to give a girl a heart attack.” She threw a cushion from the couch at him. 

“Me?! You weren’t answering any of my calls or texts! I thought you were kidnapped,” he argued before stalking up to her and taking her into his arms into a much-needed hug. 

She pressed a kiss to his jaw. “I’m sorry, I was too wrapped up in that new Taylor Swift song and singing along.”

“Ah, that was the screaming about,” Morgan muttered, shaking his head with a chuckle.  

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Spencer whispered and kissed her head before remembering there was someone else in the room. Coughing, he looked up at his coworker and only slightly let go of her, keeping an arm around her shoulders. 

“So, you’re ready to tell me the truth now?” Derek asked, a smirk on his face. 

Spencer smiled down at the girl. “Morgan, this is y/n, my… girlfriend.” 

The girl reached out a hand for him to shake and Derek did, but not without eyeing her up and keeping that teasing demeanor. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. Spence has told me so much about you.” 

“Wish I could say the same about you, but unfortunately, Boy Wonder never mentioned you once,” he told her, chuckling. “How did you keep this a secret from all of us?” 

Spencer shrugged. “I thought it would be better to keep our relationship a secret from everyone to keep her safe. We all know what happened to Haley, I don’t–” He inhaled sharply, unable to get the words across his lips. Noticing his sudden tensed shoulders, she interlaced her fingers with the ones on the hand on her shoulder, squeezing them reassuringly. “She kept her old address, just so no one could trace her back to me. Only Hotch and Rossi know.” 

“I wish we could’ve met under better circumstances,” she told him, gesturing to her appearance. 

“Shut up, you look cute,” Spencer reassured her and kissed her temple again. 

The smile never left Derek’s face as he looked at the sight in front of him. “I’m happy for you, Reid, you know that, right?” he asked happily, a hint of pride in his tone that caused her insides to grow mushy. 

From Spencer’s stories, she could tell the team cared about him a lot, but hearing it in real life and seeing it in Derek’s eyes and face meant the absolute world to her. She knew he was safe whenever he was with them, she knew she didn’t have to worry too much when he was out at work. They would protect him no matter what. 

Sensing Derek wanted to talk to Spencer alone, she excused herself and removed herself to the bedroom where she looked for something more appropriate to change into. All while keeping an ear on the conversation between the two coworkers. 

“I know,” she heard Spencer mumble. “I’m just scared, you know? She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don’t want that to be taken away from me… again…” Heat crept to her cheeks as she listened to her boyfriend talk about her. 

“I get that,” Derek said. “She’s important to you – she’s family. Family of yours is family of ours, Reid. You don’t want anything to happen to her, and neither do we. We’d do anything in our power to protect her.” 

“Like we did Haley and Maeve?” 

She knew all about Maeve and Haley. Spencer had explained everything to her. It scared her to death that something like that could happen to the family of the BAU agents as much as it scared her something terrible could happen to Spencer. 

“You know that was out of our control, Reid,” said Morgan. 

A short silence fell and she knew Spencer inhaled deeply before continuing. “I know, but what if the same thing happens to her? I can’t lose her, Morgan. I wanna keep her safe, out of harm’s way.” 

“Don’t you think your best shot at keeping her safe is to have us informed about it? At least then, we can keep her safe and help you protect her,” he explained and she couldn’t help but agree with her. With her heart a little heavier and her outfit changed into jeans and a top with her hair down, she walked out into the living room. 

“He’s right though, baby,” she mumbled, capturing the boys’ attention. 

Spencer sighed, “Y/N.” He shook his head. 

“Don’t “y/n” me, Spencer. Your little family sounds amazing and I wanna be part of that, too.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, placing her head against his chest. “I know you wanna protect me, but don’t you think we both got a better chance if we got them in our lives, too?” 

Another sigh heaved Spencer’s chest, causing her head to move along with it. “Okay, you’re probably right.” He kissed the top of her head before looking at Morgan again. “Text everyone to come over here for dinner.”

“We don’t have enough food for that many people, honey,” she gasped, almost in a panic. 

Spencer shrugged. “We’ll order Chinese.” 

Within half an hour, the entire team had arrived at Spencer’s, one by one getting acquainted with the one he had kept secret for so long. Neither one knew why they were invited to apartment 23 but when they did find out, their reactions melted y/n’s heart. 

First, it was Penelope. The chirpy, colorful blonde she had heard so much about. 

“What’s the emergency? Are you okay, Reid? I–” she stopped in her tracks when her eyes landed on the girl beside the resident genius. “Who–Wha–” she stumbled over her words, her brain short-circuiting. 

With a smile, she reached out her hand to shake Penelope’s. “Hi, I’m y/n.” 

“Reid’s girlfriend,” the brunette that had come up behind her moments after, deducted. 

Penelope’s eyes widened before taking the girl into her arms. “Oh, my God! I knew it! I knew our Boy Wonder was in love!” 

Giggles filled up the apartment. Spencer and y/n couldn’t help but lock eyes, happy this was the reaction from his coworkers to his news. “Happy to meet you, too, Penelope.” 

“Hi,” the brunette greeted when Penelope pulled away. “I’m Alex Blake.” 

One by one, the team filed in, greeting y/n as though she was part of the family. With Chinese food scattered around the dining room table, the whole family sat, ate and asked the couple all the questions they needed answers to. 

“When did you first meet?” The blonde y/n has come to be known as JJ. 

Y/N glanced over to Spencer and took a hold of his hand, entwining their fingers in his lap. “We met at a bookstore, we were reaching for the same book–”

“Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver,” Spencer interrupted. 

“That one,” she concurred with a giggle. “He insisted on buying it for me and I insisted we read it together.” Her nose scrunched up while her lips pressed together, remembering how adorable Spencer was that day, and still was. 

“Damn, boy,” Derek commented. “Didn’t know you had game.” 

“What do you do?” Alex then questioned, moving on from their meet-cute. 

“I’m a primary school teacher,” she responded. “I try to mold and form these brilliant little minds to become something that somewhat resembles this genius’ mind.” She placed her free hand on Spencer’s head and lovingly squeezed. 

A collective bubble of laughter spread through the apartment, causing y/n’s heart to flutter. She loved being around Spencer’s friends. They were lovely and brought out the best in Spencer. While he always had his guard down when he was with her and showed her his soft side, his friends brought out a completely different side in him. A side she had seen before, but never with people other than her. 

For an entire night, the team asked the couple questions, told stories about Spencer even she didn’t know yet and she easily returned the favor. It turned out to be a lovely night that would be grafted into the couple’s minds for a long time. 

“I enjoyed spending time with your friends,” she told him when they were cuddled up in bed afterwards. 

As soon as they hit the mattress, their limbs entangled and her head ended up on his chest. While his hand trailed up and down her back, hers was drawing patterns on his chest. A position they had found themselves in almost every night. 

“Mmh,” he hummed. “They loved you.” 

She let out a giggle. “Of course they did.” 

A laugh rumbled Spencer’s chest, reverberating through her head. It was her favorite sound and feeling in the whole wide world. She lifted her head from his chest to properly look at him, finding him looking up at the ceiling. From this angle, she had a perfect view at his sharp jawline, his curls sticking out here and there, and his long lashes fluttering to keep himself awake. 

“Got any statistics, Doctor?” she then asked, putting her head back in place, right over his heart to hear it beat just for her. 

She could feel him turn his head to look at her. “About what?” he asked. 

“Anything,” she answered. 

He sighed. A content sigh, one where you could hear the smile in his breath. “There’s a hundred percent chance I’m gonna marry you,” he muttered and kissed the top of her head. 

A smile curved her lips upwards while her eyes slowly shut. Her body was completely relaxed, her heart fluttering in his presence. She could see their entire future flash before her eyes. Spencer getting down on one knee at the bookstore, her father walking her down the aisle while his friends and coworkers and his mom sat in the pews. She could see ten tiny toes and ten tiny fingers. 

She could see forever with him. 

“There’s a hundred percent chance I’m gonna say yes.” 

Everything taglist: @calamitykaty @littlemissaddict @n0wornever @wanniiieeeee @unnowhatthisistbhh

Criminal Minds Taglist: 

@boimlers-gonna-boimm @samsbirks @tinaasthings @dysphoricsanity @love4lando @elenamoncada-ibarra @r-3dlips @magstheslayer @astess 

[nthspecialll]

Arthur's love stories and the overlap

I need a cannon story line pre game, specifically because I want to know how Eliza and Mary connects since their timeline makes little sense... Unless.

When Arthur talks about Eliza he says "he was such a sweet kid, she was too I guess," hinting at the fact that he did not see her as a kid when they were together, meaning he was either around those 19 years as well or younger.

There is also a dialouge where Arthur compares issac to Jack so we can assume Isaac was around four years old as well when he died.

I can follow this far. That would mean they met sometime around 1882, five years later 1887, they die, that would place Arthur at 24 years old.

But now I question when Mary comes in, because they met at "an early age," the majority of people even say when they were teenagers. I would definately say that compared to the fact Arthur is 36 in 1899, 24 years old is not that early.

Also he does not look 24 years old. (Personal opinion)

Now we could go ahead and maybe say Mary was first, it would match with the fact that he was young and it would match with the fact that they hadn't seen each other for a bit, but now we face another problem.

Abigail knows Mary, all the camp girls does (except Sadie) and Abigail joined in 1894. Jamie also knows Annabelle and Bessie whom have been dead a while.

(Added!) Abigail does not just seem to have heard about Mary, but also seen her from this dialogue she can have with Arthur "I remember you and Mary used to play dominos together" "Yeah" "I always liked her."

Isaac and Eliza has also been dead a while, meaning it couldn't have just happened withinthe last couple of years.

Now with none of the time lines matching up, I do think he slept with Eliza while "courting" Mary. Back then courtship took forever and it was a process that included parental agreement and with the heavy purity culture and the fact that loyality was only really seen as something after marriage, I don't see why he should not.

(Tags: @pinescent-and-gingerbread @photo1030)

[burnednotburied]

Chapter 5: The Aquarium

AO3 Link | Masterlist

Pairing: Abby Anderson x fem!reader

Fic Synopsis: Abby goes looking for Owen and ends up on the wrong end of your knife.

Tags/CWs: angst; slowburn; enemies to friends to lovers; talks of purity culture/ideals and “sin”; internalized homophobia and some comp-het feelings (they’re both so gay but so dumb about it); animosity between WLF and Seraphites; blood/gore; descriptions of being hanged; religious/cult-like ideas; sorry (but not that sorry) to any Owen fans, but he’s kinda a huge asshole in this

Note: I added chapter titles and finally figured out exactly where I’m going with this story lol. Hooray for having a plan!!

(Sorry it took more than two weeks to get this chapter out! End-of-semester craziness, ya know? I hope this chapter being like twice as long as usual makes up for it!)

----------------------------------------------------------------

Abby realized too late that she probably should’ve warned you about the life-sized whales on the ceiling.

By the look on your face, she could tell you’ve never seen anything like it.

Which made sense. She hadn’t either before she and Owen found this place three years ago.

She paused to watch you for just a second, taking in your amazed expression as you marveled at the enormous hanging sea creatures above you.

Abby could easily remember what her first time here was like. How incredible and other-worldly this place felt. She imagined it must be even more overwhelming for you, this fractured piece of a world you were not a part of and knew little about. A world where humans built a place where they could go to look at fish for no reason other than that it was entertaining. A world where people did things just for fun.

Of course, Abby had also never been a part of that world, but at least she knew about it. She’d caught glimpses of it, carefully and intentionally gathering bits and pieces. She watched films and documentaries. She read novels and history books, newspapers and magazines if she could find them.

Knowledge was power. And, to Abby, having power was important. Having power meant being able to keep the people she cared about safe.

And if you had enough power, no one could ever take it away from you.

So she dedicated herself to becoming powerful, both of mind and of body. It’s all she had known and cared about since she lost her dad.

It’s why she lost Owen.

She still wasn’t sure if that had been a good thing or a bad thing, but she knew she felt guilty about it.

Three years ago, Owen had quickly claimed the aquarium as his own. He cleaned it up, made it feel as homey as possible, and spent as much time here as he could get away with. Abby didn’t tell anyone, not even the rest of the Salt Lake crew. It was right around the time they were breaking up. She felt like she owed him her discretion at the very least. Not that it really made up for anything.

Yesterday morning, when Nora told Abby that Owen was missing, she assumed he’d come here.

God, she hoped she was right.

Abby shifted the injured Yara in her arms, her muscles burning from carrying the girl for so long.

It was early in the morning now. The sun had just begun to rise as the four of you had been making your way into the aquarium.

“Owen!” she shouted, leading the way down one of the hallways off the main entrance. Abby thought he would most likely be out on the boat, either sleeping or continuing in his never-ending attempts to get the thing in working order.

“Owen!” she called out again. “Owen! Are you here?”

She paused for a moment, listening. Nothing.

“Owen—”

“I’m here.” She heard his voice just before he rounded the corner, stopping short when he saw the whole group of you. “Are those Scars?” he asked, genuinely surprised and definitely confused as hell.

Abby ignored the question. “I need whatever medical supplies you have.”

Before Owen could respond, Alice came barreling around the corner, barking aggressively at the perceived enemies.

The next few seconds were chaotic to say the least.

You screamed and jumped back. Lev reacted quickly, his bow drawn and an arrow notched.

“Alice, no!” Abby yelled out.

Owen grabbed for the German Shepherd, holding her back as she continued to lunge forward, trying to attack.

“Put the bow down! It’s okay!” Abby shouted.

Owen gripped the dog’s harness tightly. “Put that down!”

“Alice, shut up! Lev, put the bow down!”

“Alice, stop—Abby, what the fuck?!”

“Lev, listen to them! Put it down!” you insisted, putting a hand on his shoulder as you tried to push him behind you.

All of this happened simultaneously, muffled by the sound of deafening, echoing barking.

“Alice!” a new voice, one that Abby knew belonged to Mel, shouted. To her, the dog listened, sitting down obediently with one final bark.

Mel stood next to Owen and Alice, staring.

There was a moment of silence.

Abby turned to the young boy. “Lev, lower the bow. It’s okay.”

Reluctantly, he listened.

“Abby, who are these people?” Mel asked.

“They saved my life,” she said, hoping that would be enough of an answer for now. “Can you take a look at her?” Abby looked down at Yara, who seemed to be barely conscious in her arms.

Mel dropped a hand on Alice’s head, instructing her to stay, as she slowly stepped closer, eyeing you and Lev cautiously.

“This is Yara,” Abby said before nodding over to the kid at her right, “That’s Lev. And that’s—” She stopped short. She wasn’t about to introduce you to them as Prophet.

Behind her, you spoke, offering up your name. Abby and Lev’s eyes both swung to you, widening for two entirely different reasons.

Abby’s because she was hearing your name for the first time. It was your name. It was like she discovered a brand new piece to this puzzle she had been frantically trying to assemble since the moment she saw you.

She wasn’t sure why Lev looked shocked, but it seemed like a big deal, for you to use your name in place of the title that had been forced upon you by the other Scars.

Abby quietly repeated the name, committing it to memory.

Mel gave a small nod, unaware of the mini revelation that was happening right in front of her, instead focusing on Yara with a concerned look on her face.

“What did this?” she asked, looking down at the girl’s mangled arm.

“A hammer,” you said, stepping forward until you were standing right next to Abby.

“It wasn’t me,” Abby quickly added. Guilty, despite her innocence. She was ashamed that she needed to make that clarification. Worried about what you would think about it.  

Mel hesitated, regarding each of the Scars one by one again before sighing. “Alright. Let’s lay her down.”

----------------------------------------------------------------

The pregnant woman—clearly someone Abby knew but wasn’t exactly friendly with—decided that Yara had compartment syndrome, which apparently meant they would have to cut her arm off.

While everyone else argued about the best way to accomplish that task, you stood off to the side, feeling sick. If you had been able to stop Emily’s men last night, this wouldn’t be happening.

It shouldn’t be happening.

Yara was going to lose her arm or die because you failed her.

You were trying not to spiral. Trying to be helpful now. (Too little, too late.) Trying to pay attention to the Wolves’ conversation.

They didn’t have the supplies they needed to perform the amputation safely. Yara didn’t have time to wait the couple days it would take Abby to travel all the way to the hospital and back.

“What if we could get you there in two hours?” Lev asked, hands grasping the metal table where Yara laid in the center of the room. “The Wolf hospital, right? On the west side?”

The man—Owen—stood, interested. “How?”

“The bridges,” you said, realizing what Lev was getting at. All eyes turned to you. “Our people built them. High up.”

Lev nodded. “It’s how we get around the flooding. And… you people.”

After a quiet moment, Abby stepped forward. “Can she handle two hours?”

The woman considered this, her hand comfortingly placed on Yara’s shoulder. “Probably, yeah.”

Abby nodded. “Then make a list of what you need.”

Owen stepped closer, joining the circle the rest of you had formed around Yara. “Wait. Are you serious? Abby, these bridges are used by Scars.”

The fact that he was arguing against the plan frustrated you. Yara didn’t have time for this.

“They only send in small groups at a time,” Lev said.

“You heard that? Small groups.” Abby said, watching as the other woman jotted down the supplies on a loose piece of paper and handed it over.

“This isn’t a joke.” Owen looked only at Abby, trying to catch her eyes. She seemed to be actively avoiding making contact.

Instead, she turned to you and said your name, followed by, “Let’s go.”

You looked up at her, at a loss for words. It was sad that something as simple as hearing your name could have this effect on you, but it had been eight years since you’d heard it… And this was already the second time Abby had said it.

You wanted to turn and walk right out the door with her, happy to follow her anywhere, but reality set it.

“I can’t,” you said. “I don’t know where the hospital is. And I don’t know our bridges well enough to guide you. It will have to be Lev.” It looked like Abby might argue with you, or at least tell you to come with them.

You wanted to. The idea of letting Lev go back out into danger without you made you sick with worry. But, foolish as it may seem, you trusted Abby to look out for him. And you didn’t understand these other Wolves and the strange dynamic at play here. You certainly didn’t trust them to be alone with Yara.

“Someone needs to stay with her,” you said, holding Abby’s gaze.

She nodded, grabbing her backpack off the floor. “Alright. Lev.”

He looked to you, taking your hand in his. The group splitting up must’ve felt wrong to him, too.

Almost on instinct, you did what you had been trained to do. You offered a bit of comfort.

“May She guide you,” you said quietly, giving him a small, encouraging smile as you squeezed his one hand between both of yours.

The words were familiar to you both, a common Seraphite mantra. He reciprocated your tight grasp and finished the line, “May She protect you.”

When you released his hand, he placed it on Yara’s shoulder, as if to tell her goodbye as well. She was unresponsive.

You felt a hand fall on your own shoulder and looked up to find that it was Abby. She nodded her head to the opposite end of the room, impatiently taking your wrist in her hand and leading you over there when you didn’t immediately catch her meaning.

She didn’t let go.

Abby stood close, speaking quietly so that no one else could hear. “We’ll be back as soon as possible. Yara’s going to be fine, okay. And I’ll keep Lev safe.”

You couldn’t help the slight upward curve of your lips. “I know,” you said. “I trust you.”

She blinked, caught off guard, but continued. “I wouldn’t mention the whole you-being-the-Prophet thing to Owen and Mel if I were you.”

“I’m not a prophet,” you deadpanned.

She let out an exasperated breath. “Okay, sure. Well I wouldn’t tell them that the Scars think—”

“Seraphites,” you interjected.

“—Seraphites—Just… you get the point. Don’t mention it, okay?”

“What if they ask questions?”

“Dodge them. Be vague.”

“You don’t trust your friends?” you asked, more serious now.

“No,” Abby said. “Not with you.”

You couldn’t begin to guess what she meant by that.

“I trust them… for the most part.” She glanced at them over your shoulder before meeting your eyes again. “I just don’t know how they would react to that information. It’s not exactly a small thing. I don’t know what they would do with it.”

You looked at her for while longer, then nodded your head. “Okay. I won’t say anything.”

“Abby?” the man’s voice came from behind you.

She let go of your wrist immediately, as if she had been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to.

You turned around to find the woman—Mel—and Owen both looking at you like they were witnessing something truly insane, instead of just two people having a conversation.

Lev stood on his own by the door, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eager to get moving.

From behind you, you felt Abby’s hand wrap around your wrist again, squeezing lightly and then letting go.

“We’ll be back,” she said, this time at a normal volume. She joined Lev by the door, opening it and leading the way out.

“Abby!” Owen said again, moving to follow them out.

Mel groaned, frustrated. “God! Owen, just let them go.” When he ignored her, she went after him, the door slamming loudly behind her.

You stayed behind with Yara.

She was blinking slowly, barely awake, her shallow breaths too few and far between for your liking. You felt helpless, knowing there wasn’t much you could do other than sit and wait.

You pulled up a chair.

Just outside the door, the two Wolves were arguing. Although, you only caught bits and pieces of it.

Something about Abby and Scars and a cloak… Something about someone who looked like she just stepped out of The Lord of the Rings. You didn’t know what that meant, but it was clear they were talking about you.

Again, you unfastened the cloak and freed yourself of your top layer. Whether that was due to embarrassment or a sudden recognition of the uncomfortable warmth of the room, you couldn’t tell.

“Did you see how she was looking at her?” “Owen, why do you care? Why does it matter to you?” you heard through the door.

The dynamic here was becoming more and more confusing.

You’d assumed that Owen was the father of Mel’s child, just because they seemed to live here together. But that didn’t explain Mel’s rather apparent unfavorable opinion of Abby. And it definitely didn’t explain Owen’s preoccupation with Abby.

Their conversation continued for several minutes, volume rising and falling periodically. There wasn’t much you understood and even less of it seemed important or interesting to you.

Eventually, the door swung open again, making you jump in your seat. Mel reentered the room, offering you a strained smile as she checked on Yara. You quietly watched her work.

“There’s not much we can do for her until Abby and your friend get back,” she said to you, eyes still focused on Yara. “If you want, I can get you set up with a place to sleep while we wait.”

“No,” you said, too quickly to be polite. “…Thank you. I’ll stay with Yara.”

Mel pulled her lips into a tight line and nodded, leaving the room again. She came back a few minutes later with water and a shiny red apple, offering them up for you to take.

“Sorry. I know it’s not much. Owen isn’t well-stocked on food right now,” she said after you’d accepted the snack.

You smiled. “Thank you. You’re very kind to be helping us at all.”

Mel didn’t really answer, instead gesturing to the door as she walked toward it. “Well, we’ll… be around. If you need anything. And I’ll come in and check on her periodically.”

You nodded, quietly thanking her again. The discarded cloak that you’d left on a table by the door caught your eye. “Oh. Wait.”

She turned to face you again, eyebrows raised in question.

“What is The Lord of the Rings?” you asked.

----------------------------------------------------------------

An excursion that was supposed to take two hours ended up taking nearly all day.

But hey, Abby had done the best she could.

She faced her deeply-rooted fear of heights on that sorry excuse for a bridge. She fought off Infected and Scars. She was, let’s say, detained by her fellow WLF soldiers at the hospital. And then she had to fight and kill what must’ve been the biggest, gnarliest, freakiest blob of cordyceps infection to ever exist.

She barely got out of there alive, but she managed to leave with the medical supplies in hand. Plus tons of new material for her future nightmares.

Mel had started operating as soon as they got back to the aquarium, with Owen assisting her.

You and Lev sat just outside the door the entire time.

The surgery had gone well. Yara was doing okay, all things considered.

After, Owen handed Abby a pile of sleeping bags and blankets and walked off without saying a word.

Abby handed them off to you and carefully lifted Yara again, this time to move her to a more comfortable spot to rest. She led the way to the next room, you and Lev trailing behind.

There was a long couch in the new room. You motioned for Lev to lay down on one end while Abby set Yara down on the other.

She stepped back and watched, amused, as you fussed over the two of them for a few minutes, using most of the blankets on your young friends.

When you were sure they were both as comfortable as possible, you left them to rest and walked back over to Abby. In your arms, you held the two sleeping bags that you hadn’t used on the kids.

You offered one of them to her.

She shook her head, motioning to the space on the floor in front of the couch where there was an old, worn-out rug.

“Lay mine out for me? I have to go do something before I go to sleep.”

“You’re leaving?” you asked, looking concerned.

“I just need to talk to Owen. I’ll be right back.”

You studied her face, like you were trying to figure out whether or not she was being truthful.

Abby doubled down, pointing again. “Go. Get some sleep. I’ll be back.”

You sighed but went where she had pointed and began laying out the two sleeping bags.

One for you. One for her. Right next to each other on the floor.

You had been doing a good job of hiding it, but Abby could tell you were exhausted. She couldn’t blame you. Hell, she was exhausted. And the sooner she touched base with Owen, the sooner she could come back.

She turned and went out to track him down.

----------------------------------------------------------------

You didn’t know what was wrong with you.

You had been awake for almost forty-eight hours, but you couldn’t fall asleep. Your mind was racing. Filled with worry for Yara, concern about her condition, guilt for having been unable to prevent the injury from happening in the first place. Thoughts of your own people hunting your friends with the intent to kill them. Fear that, despite your desire to keep them safe, your lack of knowledge and experience in the world outside of Haven would make that impossible.

You thought about the woman you killed yesterday. How she’d so tenderly and earnestly called you her Prophet just moments before you snuck up behind her and ended her life.

You wondered if you too were now an apostate. If the Seraphites had found the bodies of Emily and her men and assumed you were dead, or if they somehow knew that you betrayed them all the very moment you were given the chance.

You wondered if your mother knew what you had done. If she would be punished for your sins.

You thought about Abby, hoping that your faith in her was not misplaced. Hoping that your attraction to her hadn’t clouded your judgment.

This was crazy. All of it. It was too much.

You had tossed everything and everyone you’ve ever known aside, thrown the first twenty years of your life to the wind like it meant nothing at all, and run off into the forest with a Wolf without a second thought. And now that you, Yara, and Lev were finally (seemingly) not in immediate danger, you had time to think things through. Contemplate what you’d done and try to figure out where it left you.

By your own hand, your life had been irreparably changed forever. It was done. There was no undoing it. No going back.

You would stay with Lev and Yara. You would stay with Abby if that’s what she wanted.

But where would you go? It wasn’t safe for any of you to stay here.

That wasn’t a question you could answer. You didn’t know of anywhere else. You wouldn’t know how to find a place that was safe.

All of these thoughts bombarded your mind at once, taking turns at the forefront. Contradicting emotions swirled, adding to the chaos.

There was a sadness, a sense of loss for the people you had always belonged to.

Guilt and shame. Two feelings that were not at all foreign to you, but you had never felt as strongly as you did now.

A lightness. A happiness. Almost a thrill. A hopeful nervousness for the freedom you had claimed for yourself, the agency you had uncovered, and the possibility of what was to come.

Sadness, again, for the mother you would miss, and the realization that you had already been missing her for a very long time.

Frustration—simmering anger—for your childhood that was stolen and the shame that did not originate within yourself. The unrelenting voices that lived in your head, weighing in on every thought and critiquing every action. But those voices were not your own. You would take your dagger and cut their presence from your mind, carefully carving them out of your head and disposing of them yourself if you could.

And, amongst everything else taking up space inside of you, demanding your attention, it felt stupid and frivolous and wasteful, but you couldn’t keep Abby from your thoughts. She kept appearing, in the middle of it all. This was something that you truly did not have time for and should not be putting energy toward.

But you had never felt intrinsically drawn to someone in the way you were drawn to her…

Behind you, you could hear slow, heavy breaths coming from either end of the couch. You were glad that Lev and Yara were getting some rest. You’d do your best to make sure they got their fill of it this time.

You got up quietly, trying not to disturb them but feeling like you needed to move. You shook out your arms, rolled your neck around, wiggled your fingers, stretched your legs.

Honestly, you wanted run. Or hit something. Or scream. Loudly and for a long time. Until you ran out of air and your voice was ragged.

But you didn’t do any of those things.

Instead, you went to look for Abby.

----------------------------------------------------------------

“Seriously? You’re telling me Isaac’s top Scar killer just… turned over a new leaf? Decided to befriend and help three Scars?” Mel was staring into Abby’s soul, her words dripping in disbelief.

Abby had found her and Owen upstairs, in the same room that had once housed the boat man’s skeleton and the couple’s Christmas stockings (not at the same time, of course).

Owen was angry. Exactly what she had done to earn his anger, she couldn’t say. He held a jar of his homemade moonshine. A jar that was somewhere between three-quarters and one half full. Abby assumed it had been filled to the top just a few minutes ago.

He had apparently decided to be a silent, brooding drunk tonight, so Mel had been the one to interrogate her.

Abby tried to explain everything, albeit keeping things pretty vague. She didn’t want to give them too much information about you specifically, and she didn’t want them to get the wrong idea about you, so she made sure to omit the part where you nearly gutted her. And the part where you were the new Scar Prophet that Isaac was after.

Mel wasn’t buying the part where Abby simply had a change of heart.

She shot Owen a cautious look before she said, “Abby, do you—I thought you might—Is it possible that you’re…” Mel stopped, gathering her thoughts, trying to find the best way to word it. “It’s not… like… a problem that she’s a woman. It’s just… it is kind of a big deal that she’s a Scar—”

“Abby isn’t into a fucking Scar,” Owen interjected, his knuckles white around the mouth of the jar. “And she’s not fucking gay.”

Then he started chugging the jar’s contents, forcing down swallow after painful swallow.

The women were both silent for a second, surprised by the anger in his words.

Abby didn’t know what to say. She knew she was into you—and she’d be lying if she said that wasn’t at least part of the reason why she was helping you and your friends—but she had never considered if that made her gay.

She honestly didn’t really care to label herself as anything either way. It felt stupid—in the honest-to-god post-apocalyptic hellscape that they lived in, where they had been engaged in a never-ending war since they were kids—to care about that kind of thing.

Why should it matter—when her family was dead, her friends were constantly in danger, and there were enemies closing in from every angle—if she was romantically or sexually interested in men or women or both? Wasn’t that almost guaranteed to be the least important detail at any given moment? And why should she waste any of her time or energy trying to define herself in that way?

This was all really new to her. She hadn’t really let herself be interested in anyone since Owen, and she honestly wasn’t sure if she had ever been into him for the right reasons. Again, she remembered how uncomfortable it made her feel to kiss him, to be touched by him…

She couldn’t imagine that it would feel like that if you touched her. And just the fact that she hoped one day she’d find out was probably telling enough.

So maybe, in the Old World, people would’ve called Abby a lesbian. Maybe she would’ve identified with that title if things were different, if her life was lower stakes, and if she’d had more time to explore herself and her interests.

What-ifs didn’t matter. What mattered was that she was here now. You were with her—and she needed to figure out a plan of how to proceed from here—so she could make sure to keep it that way.  She could figure out the rest later.

Mel was the first to speak, annoyed, but addressing him calmly, like she was talking to a rabid animal. “Owen—”

He didn’t even let her get a word in.

“No. This is bullshit! Abby—” He looked past Mel to meet Abby’s gaze, insistent. “I’m going to Santa Barbara to find the Fireflies. If you’re smart, you’ll ditch the Scars and come with me.”

Mel slammed her hands on the table, causing both Abby and Owen to jump. “What the hell do you mean, you’re going to Santa Barbara?! We are going to Santa Barbara!” They weren’t used to seeing violent outbursts from Mel. She was the queen of passive aggression, but she rarely lost her cool. “What is wrong with you, Owen? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? This is all so seriously fucked up.” She turned away from them, clenching her fists at her sides, looking like she might cry. Or hit something. Or both.

But for the first time in years, Abby wasn’t on the receiving end of her disdain.

Guess all she had to do for her old friend to stop seeing her as a threat was get entangled with the Scar Prophet. No big deal.

Owen, in a moment of clarity, seemed to realize how huge of an asshole he was being to the mother of his child. He set down his jar, stood, and walked over to Mel, putting his hands on her hips and pulling her into him, her back pressed against his front. He was swaying on his feet, his cheeks flushed, hands clumsy. If he hadn’t been drunk before, he definitely was now. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. We are going to Santa Barbara. Of course it’s we. Hell, the Scars can come too for all I care. We’ll make it a party.”

Abby rolled her eyes at his quick switch-up and turned to go. Clearly this conversation wasn’t going anywhere productive tonight, with Owen drunk, Mel upset, and all of them exhausted beyond belief.

There was a creak by the door, and all three of them turned to look, Owen’s reaction far more delayed than Abby and Mel’s.

You stood there in your long white dress, hesitant to come in. Shy, having clearly interrupted a tense conversation.

Abby wondered how long you’d been standing there unnoticed. Her instinct was to meet you in the doorway and take you back to bed, away from Owen’s rude drunkenness and Mel’s inquisitive eyes.

“Hey! Scar! How the hell are ya? Come join us! We were just talking about sunny California. Ever been?” Owen pulled away from Mel and plopped back down on the couch, finding his jar again.

“Umm…” You looked to Abby for guidance, but she was just as unsettled as you. “No. I haven’t… Sorry, I was just looking for Abby.”

“Yeah, I bet you were,” he mumbled under his breath. Abby wasn’t sure if you caught that, but she wasn’t interested in having you hear any more of this.

“Let’s just go,” she said to you, moving toward where you still stood in the doorway.

“No! Come! Sit! Let’s talk,” Owen insisted, slapping the spot next to him on the couch.

You gave Abby another hesitant look before walking past her to join Owen. Mel sighed and lowered herself into a nearby chair. When it became clear to her that retreating with you wasn’t an option right now, Abby walked back over. She stood right across from the couch so she could see you, leaned against the wall behind her with her arms crossed over her chest.

You sat next to Owen, although not so close, putting as much distance between you as possible.

“Atta girl,” he chuckled. Abby wanted to punch him.

All of this was out of character for Owen, but she knew that he was always kind of unpredictable when he got drunk. With everything that had happened and emotions running so high, everyone really should just be going to sleep.

With that in mind, Abby would continue to stand nearby until you were ready to leave. She wouldn’t let things get out of hand.

“So… Scar—”

“Seraphite,” Abby corrected him. He scoffed and took another swig.

You smiled softly at her, looking grateful.

“Scar,” he said again. “Can I perhaps interest you in some hooch? Made it myself.” He offered up the jar for you to take, tilting it towards you with unsteady hands.

“No,” Abby immediately answered on your behalf. “She does not want any of your hooch.”

“Well give the girl a chance to answer,” he slurred. “What? Your little girlfriend can’t speak for herself? She can’t make her own decisions?”

You glanced back and forth between him and her, reaching for the open jar of clear liquid, properly baited by his taunting words.

Abby tried to remember that Owen was her friend—her best friend—and that he wasn’t usually like this.

“What is… hooch?” you asked, staring down into the glass jar suspiciously.

“It’s moonshine,” Abby said. When that didn’t clear things up for you, she added, “Alcohol.”

“Like wine?” you asked, tentatively sniffing it.

Owen laughed. Abby nodded, “Kind of, but it’s much stronger. Seriously, you won’t like it.”

There was a flash of something that looked like defiance in your eyes, offense taken at the idea that you wouldn’t be able to handle something that others could.

You put the jar to your lips and tilted it back enough to take in a generous mouthful.

Abby watched as your eyes went wide and you struggled to swallow it. Honestly, she was impressed that you didn’t immediately spit it out. You managed to choke it down before breaking out in a harsh coughing fit.

Owen laughed, accepting the jar as you shoved it back into his hands. Your eyes watered as you tapped on your sternum, taking a second to regain the ability to speak.

“You made that?” you wheezed in disbelief.

“Yep!”

“On purpose?”

Abby laughed at that, leaning back against the wall again once she was convinced that you weren’t dying.

“Hey, that’s prime hooch! You should be thanking me right now.” Owen took his own swig of it, lounging back against the couch with his arm resting along the back.

“Thank you?” You squinted your eyes but tried to be polite.

“I was kidding, princess. You don’t have to thank me.”

Abby, again, resisted the urge to punch him in the face.

“So,” Owen began, “tell me. How is it that you’re a Scar… but you’re not scarred?” He chuckled to himself, as if he had made a joke.

Your eyes shot to meet Abby’s, clearly unprepared to answer that question.

“Not every Seraphite has facial scars,” you said, keeping things vague.

“Every Scar I’ve ever seen does.”

“You’ve seen me, haven’t you?” you shot back.

Abby let out a surprised laugh. Owen clenched his jaw.

“Every Scar has face scars. It’s like your defining thing. It’s why we call you Scars.” He was adamant, unyielding. And the playful mask was starting to slip back into anger. Abby could tell this wasn’t going to end well.

“Well I guess you don’t know as much about Seraphites as you thought you did.” You were frustrated now, pressing yourself further into the far end of the couch to put more distance between the two of you.

Owen opened his mouth with a rebuttal, but Abby jumped in. “Lay off, Owen.”

He threw his hands up in surrender, leaning back against the brown cushions. “Fine, fine. Whatever. Forgive me for having questions. Fuck me, I guess. I’ve just never seen a hot Scar befo—”

Before he could finish the sentence, Mel was on her feet. “Alright. That’s it. You’re done.” She had been sitting silently up until then, ready to intervene if things got out of hand, just as Abby had been. Apparently, Owen calling you hot was where she drew the line.

Abby was glad Mel was saying something. Because if things had gone much further, she really might’ve hit him.

“Get up,” Mel instructed firmly, standing over him. “You’re going to bed.” He let her take the jar out of his hands and, with much effort, pushed himself up off the couch and started walking toward the door. Mel was right behind him, hands hovering on either of his sides in case he lost his balance. He was grumbling under his breath the whole way, like a toddler whose bedtime was being enforced.

Abby watched them go.

Once they were out of sight, she looked down at you, only to find that you were already looking at her.

“Sorry,” she spat out. “About him. He’s not usually like that.”

You nodded, but you didn’t seem sure that you believed her.

“So you guys are… friends?”

Abby cleared her throat. “Uh, yeah. We’ve known each other for years. Joined the WLF together. Me, Owen, Mel, and a few others.”

You considered this for a second before responding. “Where were you before?”

“Salt Lake City,” she said, looking down at her feet. “Utah.” Abby didn’t know if that would mean anything to you.

“Mel doesn’t seem to like you very much,” you said, observant, not trying to offend. Abby smiled, despite the meaning behind your words. You added, “And Owen doesn’t seem to like me.” You stated it like it was a fact, like it was neither good nor bad, just true.

“He’ll get over it. He’s just drunk.” Abby didn’t know if that was true, but she wanted to comfort you in that moment, not that you actually seemed to care all that much about Owen’s opinion of you.

“Can I ask you a question?” You were looking up at her, eyes wide and vulnerable.

Anything, Abby thought. Out loud, she said, “Sure.”

She pushed away from the wall and came to sit next to you on the couch, filling the spot where Owen had been.

“Why do you people keep calling me princess?” you asked. Abby laughed quietly under her breath, turning her body to face you.

“I don’t know. There’s something about you that’s very princess-like I guess.”

You made a face at her. She smiled wider.

“It’s not a bad thing. You just come across as soft. Delicate. I don’t know… Graceful.”

“I am not delicate,” you said, defensive.

“I know.”

“I’ve killed.”

“I saw.” Abby was being serious, although she did find the conversation amusing. “You’re very skilled with a knife.”

You nodded, satisfied with her response, and fully turned to face Abby. “And what does hot mean? Why did he call me hot?”

“Oh—” Abby stuttered, “Uh—He meant… He was saying that you’re very pretty.”

“Oh.” You considered this, eyes wandering away. “Earlier he said I look like The Lord of the Rings.”

Abby smiled again. There was something about you that felt like it might’ve been taken straight from the high fantasy genre.

“Do you know what that is?” she asked.

“Yes. Sort of. I asked Mel. She said it was a film about a magical land. With fairies and stuff.”

“They were books first.”

“Have you read them?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you read a lot of books?” you asked, genuinely curious.

“I try to read as much as I can. Whatever’s available.”

You nodded, thinking, letting the conversation die down.

After a moment, “Abby?”

“Hmm?” she hummed. She liked the way you said her name. Just the sound of it made her heart beat a little bit faster.

“Owen also called me your girlfriend.” You were studying her face, trying to read her reaction.

“Yeah. He did.” Abby said, looking into your inquisitive eyes.

“Does that just mean friend? Or is it something else?”

“He was just trying to piss me off.”

“So it does mean something else?” Your eyes were on her lips now, and you were ever so slightly leaned forward. Almost subconsciously.

“It doesn’t matter,” Abby said. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

She was pushing you away, and she didn’t know why. She could’ve answered that question so differently. Maybe she should’ve.

Abby wanted you. And she was almost certain that you felt the same way. At the very least, there was a curiosity. A hesitant attraction.

But she couldn’t shake the feeling that it was wrong. That anything with you would be something she wasn’t good enough for.

Something she didn’t deserve.

Something she would ruin if given the chance.

So tonight, she didn’t give herself that chance.

Was that noble or cowardly? She wasn’t sure.

You pulled away, turning to face forward as you let out a long breath, puffing out your cheeks.

“I’m tired,” you said, standing. “And I should check on Yara and Lev.”

“Yeah.” Abby nodded. “Okay.”

She remained in place, ready to mentally beat herself up some more and stew in her thoughts alone for a while.

You cleared your throat lightly, swaying on your feet. “Umm… I’m not sure that I can find my way back to the room. Can you… please—?”

“Oh.” Abby hopped to her feet. “Okay, yeah. I’ll… I guess I’ll go with you.”

She avoided eye contact, leading the way into the dark hallway.

[ctimenefic]

just had to write this out of my brain, I'm sorry pierresteban lorekeepers if I have fucked up the dynamic, I'll go back to my corner at once

2k of post-Brazil stuff tentatively titled something like slow lane, fast lane, parallel lines

Pierre didn’t pack a podium-worthy outfit for the triple header. Certainly not for Brazil. A party outfit, sure, in case Charles did well – that’s still fucked, a crumpled bundle rank with sweat at the bottom of one of his cases, shipped back home without him two weeks ago after Austin. He hadn’t seen this coming.

No one had seen this coming. 

He has to settle for a creased button up, undone so far the team will be able to see his heart still thudding against his ribs, hours after the last bubbles swirled away into the standing water on the track. It’ll do; he tries to smoulder into the mirror, but he can’t stop smiling. It’s just going to get soaked with sweat anyway, in whatever bar backroom they’ve secured. It was Harriet, he heard, shaking with hope from the moment the red flag came, ringing round Sao Paulo venues with broken Portuguese and her heart in her mouth.

It is strange, being alone for this clutch of minutes, to shower and shave and press cologne against his skin like anointing oil. The team had been all around him the moment he was out of the car, all the way to the hotel. Esteban next to him for hours, hip to hip. Pierre had been warm, despite the rain, the perpetual grey of track and sky.

The shirt is not so white that he’ll look filthy, later, if he’s touched. He undoes another button, just in case. Kiki said, once - if he won, and she wasn’t there. Then it was fine. She’d been joking, maybe, but he hadn’t pressed her. There are many beautiful men and women in Brazil. 

He goes down to the lobby early, already sick of the quiet. He wants the roar back, the force of it against his skin. He wants hands on his back, fingers on his neck, in his hair. Three girls from the team are huddled waiting for a taxi, by the doors, but they hover six inches away now, like without their uniforms he’s unsafe to clasp. Apart, again. 

Pierre drifts away, to the spot where the lobby leaks into a bar and - George Russell is there. As out of place as usual, squinting at his phone, folded up in an armchair that’s too low for him. It turns his knees into a ski slope. He only looks up when Pierre gets right up beside him; then he unbends upright, gets halfway to a handshake before he’s gripping Pierre’s shoulder instead. “Good racing, today,” he announces, like he hadn’t said it hours ago, dripping wet and still horribly sincere, all his natural animosities tucked away.

“Thank you,” Pierre replies, automatic. “I did not think Mercedes were slumming here though?” It is a fine hotel, but not so very nice. The lifts are slow. And Mercedes take up space. They have a sponsor deal, he thinks; some foolish video Charles had sent him last year with a string of emoji. 

Russell snorts. “No. Meeting Alex for our sad bastards dinner.”

Of course. Because for Mercedes, fourth is a disappointment. Which trophy did Russell imagine he’d be snatching today? Pierre’s? Max’s? He hopes Alex charges his meal to Russell’s card. 

“I am going out with the team,” Pierre offers. Immediately feels foolish. He meant- the point was to not invite Russell. It is fun, usually, being rude to him, watching his jaw tic. He is very English about it. 

Now, though, he seems unfazed. His eyebrows jump just a little. “I gathered.” 

His gaze drops briefly down the deep V of Pierre’s shirt. It is perhaps not an achievement with the most notorious homosexual on the grid, but still. There’s some satisfaction to it.

“Where are you- oh!”

The cooldown lap had felt a hundred years long, after an impossibly drawn-out race. Pierre had felt like he could count every drop of spray between his and Este’s cars. 

It is a little like that now, watching Russell’s eyes slide over his shoulder, the way his face changes slowly and utterly. Cheekbones lifted, so his eyes get a little smaller, the start of crows feet at the edges. The top of his face starts smiling before the rest catches up. His shoulders roll too, back and down and open. It happens in a blink, and yet it changes the whole shape of him. Like sunlight through clouds. 

Pierre doesn’t need to look round to guess what he’ll say next. “There he is,” Russell adds, regardless. “Have a good evening, Pierre.” He strides off before Pierre can find the right sniff for such an abrupt dismissal. 

He turns to wave at Alex, but he’s already turned back towards the lift, shoulders up around his ears until Russell slings an arm over them. He hears Russell teasing: “Don’t be a lazybones, Albono, you’re on the fourth floor, we can walk it.”

And then they are gone, and the girls from the team come to collect him for the car, and they are squashed up close enough that he does not have to think about it for too long. Just long enough. 

How many people look at him like sunshine? He had friends like that, once. More than one of them, once.

Tonight, he will say something gracious. Tell Esteban he raced better. That Pierre could not have caught him if he tried. (Perhaps not if he tried. Perhaps that is ungracious. Perhaps he should not remind Esteban that he is the better teammate. That he is keeping the team.) He has a whole taxi ride to find the right words, the olive branch that Esteban will not reject, or discard, or ignore.   

They will hug, and it will not be the last time. The Haas is not so bad; that will help. And ten, or twenty years from now, Pierre can walk into a room somewhere in France, some gathering of old men who raced fast cars, and someone will smile to see him. 

It is twenty minutes to Harriet’s bar. By then he can see it; where in windswept Normandy it will be. Snow on the ground and overcast. He will keep most of his hair, he decides, somewhat against the odds; he gives Esteban a little gut but fewer lines, no jowls. Silver in his stubble, but not his hair. Comfortable shoes. Bracelets on their wrists. 

The bar is good, for a last minute get. The staff on the door know his face, gesture him through. There are beautiful people in clusters, grapes on the vine, ready for picking. And on the dancefloor, Alpine, Alpine, Alpine. In the centre of it, Esteban, tall even there. 

There’s a whoop from near the edge of the throng as someone spots him - one of the pit crew, Marc. It spreads, fast, a sea of heads turning his way, a cheer Pierre thought he might not hear again. They tug him in, hands on his shoulders, back, feet already bouncing, the strange wistful sadness in his stomach already lifting as he raises his hands, shouts with joy and-

Esteban looks across to Pierre and smiles like clouds parting.

---

The carpet in the hotel stairwell has a dizzying pattern, geometric but impossible for the eye to follow. Or perhaps only impossible for someone who has been awake for 24 hours now, staring at it in the half-dark of emergency exit signs. But Pierre has to try, has to trace the thick black lines up and left and down over and over, or the choking gluk sounds Esteban is making round his cock will drive him mad. Tip him over ten seconds into the best-worst blowjob of his life. 

They had taken the stairs because it would be quicker than the ancient lifts. Not quick enough, for Esteban. Despite the risk, Pierre does not want to make up the distance. He wants this to last.  

Esteban pulls off for a moment; his smile is a slice of white in the darkness. Pierre doesn’t mean for his hand to drop to his face, thumb along his bottom lip, down his chin, but it does so anyway. He catches Esteban’s spit on his thumbpad; sucks it into his own mouth. There’s salt to it. 

“You are very wet for me,” Esteban murmurs, matter-of-fact, and Pierre gives up on the carpet, shuts his eyes and lets his head fall back into the corner with a thunk. He has been wet all day, drenched in rain and champagne and sweat. What is one more? He can feel it, the way precome rolls down the underside of his dick to Esteban’s fingers, until Este’s tongue drags back over him, a long side up the inches he cannot fit in his hand. 

(“It’s bigger,” he’d said, and Pierre had failed to hide his smirk. He hadn’t made it up, tripod. And Esteban’s hands are bigger now, too.)

His shirt is undone, bunched at his elbows where hands - some familiar, some strange - had dragged it down to trace the shape of his shoulders, the rise and fall of his arm muscles. He’d tugged it back up in the car back, but not enough to stick, not with Este’s long fingers at his neck. It makes him feel on display now, naked from his thighs up, Esteban’s dark head the only modesty he’s been afforded. 

He’s cold where Esteban had slicked down his happy trail with his tongue. It makes him shiver when Este gets back to bobbing back and forth, and his hair whispers over Pierre’s stomach. He has been touching him all night, never a hand off him, and yet Pierre is still so sensitive to each new collision. He can feel Este grin, smug, around him, like he’s noticed. It doesn’t rankle like it should. 

Esteban divebombs down Pierre’s dick again, and he comes before he can get out a warning, choking on thick air, hot and tight in his lungs. Este surfaces seconds later, cracks Pierre’s mouth open with a finger and thumb on his jaw, and feeds him his come in long, loving licks around his teeth. He’s still got his other hand wrapped around Pierre’s softening dick. As Pierre blinks up at him, stupefied, those clever fingers slide to cup his balls instead. A single digit taps at his taint. 

“Dry here,” Esteban muses. Pierre’s mouth falls open, panting. He thinks his come must still be gleaming on his tongue. He can still taste it. “We can fix that.”

And then there is light, crashing through the dark, as the door to the stairwell on the floor above opens, and the perpetual glow of the corridor shines through. Pierre clutches Este to him like cover. The bastard still has all his clothes on, at least, even if Pierre’s bare thighs are obvious either side of his too-skinny frame. 

The shaft of light falls a little to their left, not quite a spotlight. Perhaps they will not be noticed. Perhaps there is still enough luck for one more miracle. 

Soft steps, on the stairs. And then-

“Fuck,” someone hisses from above them. 

Not someone. Familiar. Far too English. 

Someone who should not be in the stairwell of the Williams team hotel at 4am. But. Pierre is in no position to throw stones. His stones are still in Esteban’s large, warm hand. 

Esteban is being no help. He snickers into Pierre’s neck for a moment, so lightly his lips barely leave his skin. Then: “Take the lift, George,” he calls, apparently deciding plausible deniability is for other motherfuckers. 

His voice is a little rough. Well-used. 

Russell, at least, understands how to play the game. It is silent, except for the hurried steps up and away. The whine of the door. 

“Shit,” Pierre groans. Esteban’s finger presses again at the space between his arse and his balls. “Shit,” Pierre says again. It echoes differently. Higher. 

Esteban is snickering again. “Always so dramatic,” he chides. But his hands are gentle as he pulls Pierre’s slacks back up his legs; does up precisely one button on his shirt and slides his palms down the sides like that will make him presentable for the CCTV in the corridor. “Come on, two floors more to mine. I shall have to fuck you in the morning, you are too spooked now.” 

Pierre doesn’t like the needy sound he makes; Esteban’s eyes gleam. He won’t beg for it, but: “When is your flight?” Pierre’s is late, commercial. They book different flights, more often than not. Esteban’s gaze wavers for a second. But only down to Pierre’s mouth, his navel, and back up. 

“The same. It is the same. I asked- said to change it. After. At the track.” Este must bite his lip – his bottom teeth disappear for a moment. Pierre wants the light back, wants to see his face. “We were-” he says the rest with his hands, palm to palm, parallel – two cars moving in sync around a curve. “And in the cooldown. You smiled at me.”

“I smiled?”

Este huffs. It is just enough like his cruel silences to make Pierre feel alert again, hands twitching to grasp a wheel he cannot see.  “I cannot change it back. It will be sorted by now.” 

There is an inch between them that has not been there all night. Esteban’s weight shifts, like he means to step back further. Pierre has to lunge for him, cram their mouths together. They had not done this at the bar. Touching, yes, everywhere they could get away with, but this was different. Private. 

Este whines a little into the kiss. His fingers get grabby again.

“Fuck me now, and later,” Pierre demands against his mouth. Esteban nods; in the dark his lips leave a smear against Pierre’s temple. 

His echo sounds like a promise. “Now and later.” 

[everythingmp3]

𝐚 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭

Tess Servopoulos x fem!reader

AO3

this is a combination of the ideas: no outbreak AU + reader starts working at a summer camp + Tess runs the place + instant attraction + forbidden relationship

authors note: hi, I´m back with a new Tess fic! I recently read the book "The God of the Woods", which I really enjoyed, and one character reminded me of her, so that prompted the idea of making the setting a summer camp. it is a slow-burn, but still, a decent part of this is them being together! I tried to make the vibe of this fic warm and atmospheric bc I wanted it to be easy to escape into! I put a good amount of love and thought into this, so I really hope you’ll enjoy reading it<3

warnings: minors dni. large age gap (reader is in her early 20s, Tess is in her early to mid 40s), smut (reader receiving), brief mentions of injury/blood (nothing graphic or violent)

wordcount: 30k

the first thing you thought, when you stood in front of the entrance to the camp on that first day, was “why the fuck did I agree to this”. 

you were sweating from the strain of carrying your bags, from the relentless heat of the midday sun, you were surrounded by kids and teenagers who were bidding farewell to their parents, and in the middle of all that, you had no idea why on earth you´d picked that of places to spend your summer. you´d already spent the entire year of college surrounded by people in classes, in lectures, in the library, in your dorm, so it seemed like you´d blacked out when you had sent off your resume to a summer camp, a place where you would have just as little space and time to just be by yourself. 

still, there were two things that put you at ease in that moment of regret: firstly, the undeniably stunning scenery, the woods that reached as far as your eye could reach, trees taller than any you´d ever seen, the faint glistening surface of a lake visible in the distance; secondly, the girl who was a few years older than you, clearly a colleague, who noticed the forlorn look on your face and immediately took you under her wing. she´d already worked there a few summers, so she gave you a quick rundown of what you had to do to get settled as you made your way onto the camp-grounds. she succeeded in calming your nerves by saying things like “it´s really not that much work, we have a few hours of activity during the day and then some get-togethers at night, but other than that we´re usually pretty free to do whatever we want”. 

by the time you joined her in the staff building and got signed in, received a card of the grounds and got told which cabin and group you´d be the leader of, you felt like you might have overreacted, that you might end up having a better time than anticipated. 

the girl you´d just gotten to know, pointed at a door down the hallway of the building and said “I´ll go but you should probably check in with Tess, since you´re new. she´s the overseer of this place, the boss so to speak, the one you have to respond to if there´s any issue with the kids. she can be a bit.. well, intimidating let´s say, but don´t worry, she´s cool, for the most part. she´ll tell you the rest of what you need to know.” 

intimidating. you considered it, an interesting word to use for someone who spent all their time working with kids, it peaked your interest, so you knocked on the office door, and cracked it open once you heard a “yes, come in”.

the first thing you noticed when you walked in and saw Tess sitting there, was her hair. she was in the process of pulling a hair-tie out of it and adjusted it a bit as she beckoned you closer, the ashy brunette color with faint streaks of gray fell down her face in a way that briefly had you standing there in the doorframe, before you averted your gaze and went to sit down in the chair across from hers. she was striking in a way few women had ever been to you. it wasn´t easily explicable, the way no immediate, deep attraction to someone is. it was purely physical, a tingling sensation as soon as you felt her attention turn towards you, her forearms exposed where she´d pushed her sleeves up, her voice smooth and deep, her clothes comfortable and worn out but perfectly suited for her. before she said anything, she took a good, long look at you, scanning you to get the first clues about what kind of a girl she was dealing with, no hint in her expression whether she was pleased by who her superiors had sent her, a brief nervous shifting in your seat, which made her soften a bit, just a bit, as she launched into her usual introductory meeting with new workers. 

her first thought when you walked in had been “thank god it´s not a guy”. the most trouble she´d had in her time there, had always been with male workers, it was undeniable, that Tess favored the women, in more ways than one, but that wasn´t on her mind yet in that moment, not yet.

she presented you with the rules very matter of factly, leaning forward, her hands folded on the table, looking straight at you as you tried not to let your eyes wander to her fingers, a sternness to her tone that somehow made you feel warm, that wasn´t unpleasant. 

“so, new girl.” she said, “the work here really isn´t complicated. we have a few basic rules: you don´t leave the premises on your own, unless there´s a very good reason and you notify me or someone else on the team. there is no service, no wifi, except for in this building, so if you need to call someone or send an email or whatever, you can only do it here, during the day. there is breakfast, lunch, and dinner but we have a staff kitchen in here, where you can help yourself out if you want to. if you get sick, we have medical staff who will take care of you, they have pain killers and other things you might need”.

she went on, a few more obvious rules about behavior with the kids, dos and don'ts for the staff. the last part she said, was said with an inflection that signaled that she was aware you wouldn´t always follow those specific rules, that she just had to say it for protocol: “lights out and curfew is at 10. no walking around outside after that hour. no drinking, no smoking, or whatever other drugs you might be into.” that made you smile then, a nod, you understood, she could tell that you weren´t daft, that you were picking up what she was putting down: “break the rules if you want, but be clever about it, don´t let it get out of hand, be fucking smart”. 

the entire time she was talking, you found yourself enjoying her unflinching gaze, the way she didn´t soften her voice or her demeanor to suck up to you, you could tell that she was not the type for chit-chat or flattery and you liked it, it suited her, it felt reassuring, to have someone like her overseeing the place, someone who was tough and unyielding but not in a mean way.

it was clear that Tess cared about one thing: good work and reliability. she would overlook certain miniscule things that more strict bosses might not have, but it became clear very fast that you´d suffer consequences if she caught you slacking off. she was deeply invested in the kids´ safety, telling you “when you´re out and about with them, walking around, keep count. keep fucking count, I mean that, do it more than you think is necessary, if you´re walking, or sitting around somewhere, just take a few seconds every few once in a while to make sure they´re all still there. we´ve had it happen that someone didn´t notice for hours that a kid was gone, and I won´t have that again. got it?”. 

you nodded, in fact a bit intimidated then, but she just needed you to understand how urgent it was, to avoid another scandal like the one the summer before where a kid had been missing for three hours until the responsible worker noticed. 

if there was one thing Tess couldn´t stand, it was a blasé attitude of those who were in charge of other people´s safety, she didn´t play about it, she was a fierce protector and expected everyone around her to be too. there´d been times where kids had thought her to be heartless until someone randomly hurt themselves and was carried to the medics by her with a care and tenderness that stunned them. it was a reason why the camp had loyal returners, the fact that she instilled a kind of style in all of the workers that made the kids feel both safe and free. 

just as you got up after that first meeting and went to leave, she called your name, meeting your eyes for a last time as she leaned back in her chair, the first genuine smile from her as she said “oh, almost forgot: welcome. I hope you´ll have a good summer here. we´re glad to have you” playing with a pen and overdoing the friendliness in her tone, a hint of humor there because Tess was aware that she´d completely missed the opportunity to open your conversation the polite way, the way others might have, but you gave her a nod that made it clear that you were fine with her straight-forwardness. “thank you, I will, I´m sure. see you around.”

once you left the room, she just stared out of the window for a moment, watching some of the others walking around, the sky a perfect blue, while she thought “at least a few kids are gonna have a huge crush on her”. she was not gonna admit it to herself, that she was projecting, not after only having exchanged so few words with you. Tess thought of herself as better than that, better than meeting a new employee and fawning over her after only a few minutes of talking. she´d succeeded in steering clear of any complicated employee-boss dynamics for years and years, and she wasn´t gonna jeopardize that, she refused. at least, that´s what she told herself during the beginning. still, she took a good long glance at the file on you she´d been given, scanning it for any interesting info, sounding out your full name under her breath, until she eventually put it back down and pretended she hadn´t just given herself away, even thought there was no witnesses who could hold her to it. 

you had a similar experience. you weren´t thinking explicitly about your attraction to her, you just felt an inkling of it, while walking back out of the building with a faint smile on your face, her voice still fresh in your mind. it was the thing that had left the strongest impression, how she talked, her mannerisms, something about it was exactly to your liking. you found yourself hoping she wasn´t just the kind of boss who stayed out of everyone´s way, that she´d join in during activities and hang around here and there, that you´d have the chance to know a bit more about her, see her interacting with others, get a read on her, because you could tell that she was not the type to give anything about herself easily. you even hoped for a moment that one of the kids would give you trouble, so you could have a reason to go back to her office and talk to her in private again, but then, you quickly got distracted yourself by the task of inspecting the campgrounds and talking to your new coworkers, most of whom luckily seemed chill and welcoming. to your relief, you had a room to yourself in the back of the cabin that you´d been assigned to, glad to feel like you´d lucked out with your group of girls, most of them aged between ten and fifteen. 

later that night, after successfully managing your first day (settling in, unpacking, making your bed, attending the welcome meeting, lunch, some ice-breaker activities, all that) you walked over to the building you´d been to earlier, to go to the staff kitchen and get some iced water from the fridge, your empty bottle swinging back and forth as you walked there, freshly showered, dressed for sleep in some shorts and a thin tank top. it was still hot at that hour, the lingering July heat hanging over the camp in a way that was not oppressive because there was enough freshness in the air from the lake nearby. 

the building wasn´t dark, so you figured that Tess was still in her office, as you made your way down to the kitchen, which she was, until a few moments later when she locked the door behind her and heard you moving around. 

she could have just left, but something told her that it might be you, and she was curious how you were doing after your first day, so she stood in the door frame for a moment, slightly taken off-guard by seeing more of your physique than earlier, before she knocked, accompanied by a quiet “hey there”. 

you toned down your smile a bit before you turned around and closed the cap of your full bottle before you looked at her. “oh hey! still here at this hour?” you asked, walking over to her to follow her outside, since you were done there. she nodded, “hm, yeah, first days are always a bit busy, but it´s fine. what about you, how was it? you regretting it already?” a grin as she said this, holding the door for you to step outside ahead of her. “oh sure, it was awful, horrible, really, I´ll put in my resignation tomorrow morning”, you joked back, eventually facing her as you both stood outside in the pleasant evening atmosphere, she nodded, a smile, pleased by the fact that you weren´t shy around her, weren't afraid to mess with her a bit.

“how are the girls in your cabin? all behaving so far?”, she asked, the word “behaving” from her lips somehow a turn-on. “oh good, all good” you said, reassuring her, trying to come across as laid-back, to match her energy, “tired from traveling here of course,  but they´re all sweet, funny too, which is nice. did have to comfort one of them earlier who was homesick already and embarrassed about it”. that peaked her interest then, your first test of sorts, “oh yeah? how´d you do that?” she crossed her arms and eyed you with a curious smile.

you shrugged, shifting your weight, clutching the cold bottle to your chest, “well, I told her that soon there´ll come a time where she´ll wish she had some distance between her and her parents. to enjoy the freedom, to do or say things her mother wouldn´t approve of, just for the sake of it, all that. it worked, thank god”. you´d passed the test, she could tell that you were somehow naturally skilled at your new task. “hm. sounds like they´re in good hands then, good job”, “I try”, she nodded, fussing with her keys then, her hands busy as she looked at you, “well, whatever it is you´re trying, keep doing it, new girl”, a sudden sparkle in your eyes as the nickname hung in the air.

her gaze fell to where you were scratching your arm absentmindedly, a mosquito bite probably, so she pointed at it, more serious then “okay stop that, don´t scratch it open” she pulled something out of her bag then and handed it over to you. “here, aloe cream, it helps. keep it, I´m sure the girls in your cabin might need some too. apply it generously over night”, a nod from you as you took it from her, a brief brushing of her fingers that sent a shock through your whole body. “okay I will” a moment of silence then, a shared look of “I think I like you”  between you before you cleared your throat and said, “well then, have a good night, Tess”. 

you didn´t have to say her name like that, a simple “good night” would have been polite enough, so she took note of it, a restrained smile, that didn´t give away how eager she was to figure you out, to understand how much of your friendliness was really just friendly. “yeah, you too” she didn´t say your name, she was better than you at feigning indifference, but something about the way she´d looked at you, a certain flicker in her eyes, it was just visible enough to give you a fragile sense of hope, that you weren´t entirely alone in your unexpected feelings. 

on her way back to her cabin, she took a deep breath and told herself “she´s your employee. even if that was some kind of flirting, even if she did like you, it´s irrelevant, she´s off-limits. she is not the one for you.” 

but she knew that the fact that she even needed to give herself a reminder, was a bad sign. all the years before, she´d noticed when workers were attractive, when one or two of them were maybe her type in some way, she´d caught glances here and there when they were near her, but it was never connected to an actual desire to act on it; that was the key difference, with previous interest it had always been light and fun, she was fine with enjoying small-talk with a pretty girl who worked for her, since she had never felt the urge to reach out and touch them.

she´d never felt a sense of danger in her attraction but with you, it was palpable, she laid in bed later that night and felt both thrilled and afraid - thrilled because it had been a good while since anyone had challenged her, had intrigued her and pulled her in without even trying hard, afraid because she could tell that you were getting under her skin already, because she had to banish any thoughts of you in compromised positions from her mind, because she told herself “you cannot get fired over some fucking fling. forget about it.”. 

that night she didn´t sleep much, drifting in and out of dreams that gave her flashes of someone, completely nude, a glimpse of a girl´s thighs as she got out of the water and dried off, water dripping down her body, the sun glistening on her wet skin, she never saw a face, but she didn´t have to, when she woke up, she knew it had been you in the dream, her body hot all over from it, the urge to do something about it, a brief moment of almost giving into it: getting off to the images that were still fresh in her mind. but Tess was stubborn, she kept her hands over the covers, let herself suffer through the lingering need she felt, that her subconscious had forced upon her, despite everything she´d told herself the night before. she´d have to try harder, to overpower her instincts with sheer willpower. she´d have to get a grip.

after agonizing about it for a few minutes, she got up and tried to shrug it off. she splashed her face with cool water, put on her tank top and flannel and shorts, laced up her boots, and stepped outside, the cool morning air helping with getting back into her usual mindset: focused, unshakable, stoic. 

the next few days, you rarely spoke to Tess for more than a few seconds, only brief encounters, seeing each other from across the main area and nodding politely, or saying “good morning” when you entered the dining hall at the same time, but still, her presence was always affecting you in a way, she was like a shadow, a quiet magnitude to her aura that could easily be missed by people less intrigued by her than you. 

there were hundreds of people around you, all day, and yet, your attention was subconsciously drawn to her, always a brief scan over the dining hall or the main area to see if she was sitting or standing somewhere near you. the feeling was comforting in a way, to be tethered to someone by a strong pull, a warmth to it, that thrill you felt when she was close, when you were both talking to people but you hoped that she´d glance over at you, your posture immediately better when you thought about this, your face more expressive. 

her presence always made you more aware of your own body, your mannerisms, and it was a delicious kind of secret, to move around the camp grounds with the constant anticipation of seeing her, being seen by her, preferably both. it was useless to pretend otherwise, you were already wondering if she found you appealing, if you could somehow find a way to get closer to her. 

 the fact that she wasn´t a worker, that she wasn´t assigned to a specific group, made it so that she just drifted in and out, watching some of you as you did your activities with the kids, leaning against a tree for a few minutes and observing it all, or stopping on her way to walk somewhere else to talk with some of the kids or counselors. 

you could tell that everyone seemed to respect her, seemed to gravitate towards her when she offered a few minutes of her attention. 

one afternoon you were busy sitting around and drawing with the kids, when out of nowhere you looked up and saw that she was at the table next to you, helping a girl out with her painting, diligent and skilled, a pleased smile on the girl´s face when Tess adjusted some of the details for her, before getting up and drifting off again as quietly as she´d joined in. this happened more than once, that she didn´t make a big announcement and just checked up on everyone, never overbearing or judgy, always curious and generous with her subdued way of showing that she cared, about everything that was going on.

one afternoon, about four days into your stay, stood out in your mind. it was a particularly hot day, everyone was dressed in as little clothing as possible, including her: cut off shorts that ended mid-thigh and a white tank-top that showed off her tanned arms, her shoulders, her generally very impressive physique. she didn´t have the kind of muscles that people gained by going to the gym, they were the natural, slightly softer kind of muscles that were the natural result of a lot of outside activity, her upper arms big and strong but not freakishly so, not in a way that seemed try-hard or vain, you could tell that she was just naturally a muscular woman, that it didn´t take much for her to look like that, your eyes constantly drawn to her thighs, the faint freckles that somehow made her look even hotter. 

you were sitting in the shade, drinking your third bottle of water that day, trying but failing to read a book, when you spotted her from afar, checking up on the other people who were lingering around, all sluggish and lethargic from the heatwave that had hit the woods that day. you smiled as you realized that she was making sure everyone was healthy, drinking enough, not at risk of heatstroke, reminding the kids to not jump into the lake but to let their bodies adjust to the colder temperature, reminding them to minimize physical activity overall, to reapply sunscreen, to eat enough, to tell someone if they felt dizzy or needed a break, a nap. 

she was about to turn around and go back to her office, when she saw you looking, and felt the need to make sure you were okay too, so you tried to act normal as she approached you, putting her foot up on the wooden bench across from the one you were sitting on, a casual air about her as she asked, “hey there. how are you holding up? all good?”. 

you nodded, putting your book down to pay full attention to her, her face instead of her legs or arms. “yeah thanks, I´m managing. I mean, I feel a bit dead but other than that, all good”, that made her smile, “I hear you, it´s rarely this hot, tomorrow´s supposed to be cooler again, don´t worry”.

she grinned then, something was amusing to her, so you leaned forward, eyeing her, “something funny?”. Tess pointed at your book that was laying facedown on the table, “I saw you yesterday with that and from the looks of it you haven´t made a dent, at all” an admission in there: that she´d seen you, when you hadn´t been aware. it made your face feel even hotter than it already was. you pretended to be a bit offended “well, in this heat, can you blame me for not being able to concentrate?”, she put her hands on her hips, “sort of yeah. where there´s a will…” she was teasing, you couldn´t help but smile. “right. well, guess I´m just lazy, you got me”.

she dropped the act and talked a bit more earnestly then, sensing that she was venturing into territory that was a bit too friendly, but she didn´t care, “or the book just isn´t good enough to keep your attention. I could give you one of mine later, I think I have a good guess what you might enjoy”, that wasn´t what you'd expected, it seemed like an offer she wouldn´t just make to anyone, but maybe she did, maybe that was her thing, lending people books. still, you hoped it wasn´t, that it was her way of breaching the distance between you a bit further. you nodded, “okay, sure, I´ll take that”,“you´ll have to actually read it though, I´ll ask you questions to make sure you are”, a sort of challenging tone then, a hint of something in her voice that you wanted to read as flirtatiousness. 

your face felt hotter by the second as she kept standing there, so close, her hair wavy from the shower she´d took earlier, her face glowing from the sun, and she could tell, you were not hiding it well enough. she found a thrill in it, the sense that she was making you a bit nervous, which reflected her own feelings because she was distracted by the labored breaths you were taking, the way you ran your fingers through your hair, the way you leaned your head on your hand at one point, an exhausted but deeply endearing expression that you directed her way- she had the urge to sit down and just watch you as you pretended to read, to go and get you an iced drink, to spend time with you, get to know you.

you changed the subject then, preventing her from leaving when you saw that she was about to. “you seem fine though, considering the weather, how do you do it?” you asked, pointing at her, the way she didn´t even seem to be sweating at all, she shrugged, “willpower? maybe?”. that made you laugh, “right, you refuse to be overpowered by the sun?”, she nodded, “something like that, yeah”, a moment of silence as you smiled at each other, as you both had the brief fantasy of retreating back to a cabin, to undress, to see the remaining parts of your body that were still hidden by clothing, to feel the warmth of each other´s skin, to tire each other out, to leave each other flushed and eager to feel the eventual cooler night breeze on your bare skin. 

there was something about the life at the camp, the constant focus on physical activities, that made it hard not to become all body, all instinct, all animal, you could tell with other counselors that couples formed quickly, that some people randomly disappeared after eyeing each other up and down all day. you could tell with the kids too, that crushes were being added to catalog of infatuations between boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys all day, one shared moment of sitting on the ground and touching knees enough to activate some part of the body that wants to be wild in the surroundings of nature, impulses that were impossible to fight back against. 

Tess was the one to interrupt your shared moment of want, removing her foot from the bench and standing upright again to give you a brief goodbye and leave you alone, the image of your fingers drawing circles on the wooden table in front of you burned into her mind for some reason, just like the image of your lips and cheeks flushed from the warmth, the tone of your voice, sweeter and slower in that moment than before, reaching a part of her that had long gone untouched, unmoved. 

sure enough, later during dinner she made sure to keep her promise. 

you were about to leave the dining hall, as you saw her waving you over to her table, so you abandoned your group for a moment and stood in front of her as she held out a book to you, a relatively big one, by the looks of it well-loved and read multiple times. “here. I´m expecting you to finish this by next week” she was fucking with you, but part of you wanted to prove to her that you could actually manage that, so you said “alright. I will” taking it from her and flipping through it briefly, delighted by the fact that there were underlined passages in there, comments in the margins, you wondered if she´d forgotten about all that when she picked it out to give to you because that was a pretty intimate thing to hand over, her thoughts all over hundreds of pages like that. you were both tired from the hot day, both silent for a moment, a sort of shy smile from you then, as you looked down at her confident expression, the obvious joy she took in being a bit teacher-y with you, having a rapport that was bordering on something other than just boss-employee. 

eventually, you saw that your group was leaving, so you pulled yourself out of that moment of quiet, warm familiarity with her, and said a brief thank you, following the girls you were in charge of back out as she finished her dinner and tried her best not to let anyone at her table clock the way she was staring at your back as you walked out.

a moment during that first week that stood out to her was one a few days later. you took your group to go swim in the lake because it was a perfect day, the breeze just right. you spent some of the time making sure all of the teens were behaving, not overdoing it with how far they were swimming out, lingering in the shallow parts of the lake with the younger kids and enjoying the cooling water on your body. a while later, when everyone was bit tired out and tanning in the shade, you laid on your towel and read the book she´d given you, your bikini still damp, your skin slowly drying, flipping over on your stomach every once in a while.

what you weren´t aware of, was that during the middle of all that, Tess had sat down at the dock nearby with a bit of paperwork she had to get to, so she could do it while dangling her legs in the lake. you were near enough for her to realize that it was you, and it was impossible for her not to stare. she was enthralled by it, everything, how you looked getting out of the water, how the water had dripped down your back, the way your body looked in the sun, every single outline of your muscles visible, every detail on display, an almost guilty feeling then, as she couldn´t tear her eyes away even when you were just lounging in the shade. a few times that early afternoon, she caught you sitting with your head on your knees, your arms around your shins, staring off into the distance, not a sad but pensive expression, something about your demeanor that made her wonder, “what is she thinking about?”.

Tess felt a very human thing then, she craved intimacy and connection all of a sudden in a way that she hadn´t in years. she was good at telling herself that she could do without all that, for years she´d been in denial about her desires, but there you were, and she wanted nothing more than to just sit down and talk to you over dinner, to ask you questions, to watch you. it wasn´t even just with the motive of wanting you in a physical way, even though that was a big part of it, it was also just the rediscovery of a humbling feeling, the feeling of “I want a woman in my life. I want someone to be affectionate with, to show my softer side to.” it was all still there, deep down, and you were bringing it all back up.

she was also increasingly desperate to figure you out because something about you seemed so familiar, in the way that you carried yourself, the way you somehow seemed alone even in the midst of all of the kids and other workers. you seemed to be of a similarly solitary nature, something told her that you were someone she could feel seen by, understood by, and that she might offer you the same in return. she didn´t get shit done, so eventually she dried off her legs, put her shoes back on and abandoned the lake, throwing a last admiring glance your way just as you were getting up to shake out your towel and get dressed. 

that night, a few of the kids urged you to go raspberry picking with them in a field nearby, and because you had little else to do, you said yes. 

on your way back, carrying the goods in little buckets you´d brought, you were enjoying the soft evening atmosphere, the light of the blue hour, the kids walking in front of you with their fingers and mouths stained red, as Tess made her way down the same path to the main area. 

you were too lost in thought to realize that she´d caught up with you, so eventually she smiled and gave you a nudge, “hey”, you startled a bit but quickly returned the smile “oh hey”.

“still at work even at this hour hm?” she said, pointing at the raspberries you were carrying, her voice raspy from talking to people all day, an instinctive step towards her to close some of the distance. “well, this isn´t really hard work, is it?” you smiled at her, she returned it, “ate like half of them already when we were there, they´re really good right now” she nodded, endeared by the image of you kneeling down and plucking them off the bushes, paying close attention. 

without asking, she reached over and grabbed a few of the berries, putting one in her mouth as you looked at her, a mischievous flicker in her eyes that told you that she was expecting you to shove her hand away of protest, but you didn´t, a nod instead.

“I don´t mind, in fact, you go and take these, I ate so many already, and they won´t be as good tomorrow”, you said, holding the small bucket out to her as she ate a few more, a squint of her eyes, “if you´re trying to get in my good graces to be employee of the month, I have to disappoint, we don´t do that here”, she was teasing of course, but as always, you played along, “oh fuck, well, that was my plan of course. wasn´t just being nice or anything”. Tess looked like she was enjoying herself, she took the berries from you and put another in her mouth, a vibe between you that felt friendly, too friendly, further away from professional than mere days before. “so, what are you up to now?”, she said, as you neared the area where her cabin was located, which you´d have to pass by to get to yours, “well, not much, shower, take them to bed, try to sleep”, she cocked her head, an inquisitive look then, “try? you're not sleeping well?”, a hint of concern in there. “no, I mean,  sometimes it just takes a while to fall asleep. I´m not used to dead silence at night, but it´s fine, it´s cozy in a way”, “sure, takes a while to get used to it. well, if it ever gets too bad I have a tea I could offer, always helps when I can´t sleep. just tell me if you ever wanna try”.

it somehow only added to her appeal, that she always seemed to be invested in everyone´s well-being, everyone´s comfort, yours in particular, it felt special in a way, after months of being entirely self-reliant.

“okay. thanks, I´ll keep it mind”. with that, you´d reached her place, so she excused herself and told you “see you tomorrow” with a pleased grin on her face, which made you wonder what part of your casual exchange had prompted it, what about you made it so that she didn´t just walk past you, but took a moment to say hi, to talk, to slow down her pace to match yours.

once she was gone and you were trying to catch up to the kids in front of you again, you kept thinking about her hands, the image of them reaching over to steal the raspberries, the way her fingers were always clean, even though she lived an outdoorsy life. you´d noticed it before, that she took care of her hands, made a point of keeping her nails as short as possible, no signs of dirt, ever, it made it easy to obsess over that feature of hers, to fantasize, in different ways. in general, Tess always had a fresh air about her, there was this scent that you could pick up on when you were close to her, you had no idea if it was a perfume or cologne or her laundry detergent or her natural scent or a mix of all of those, but it always pulled you closer, always made you want to breathe it in from up close, to have it all over you after embracing her or doing other things. it made you dizzy to imagine having your face by her neck, to kiss her there, to take as long as you wanted to get lost in all the sensations of her body. you tried your best to forget about all this as you had to get your mind straight to not fuck up during your nightly head-count, since nothing would lose you her affection faster than overlooking a missing kid. it made you better at the job, your eagerness to please her, so it was a win-win-win, for her, for you, for the kids, the fact that you were obsessed with her by that point. 

a few minutes after leaving you, Tess sat at her dining table, eating the remaining berries, lost in thought, enjoying the feeling of somehow being physically connected to you via the contact all of the berries she was eating had had with your hand, your fingers, your skin. 

she liked it, the implicit eroticism of it all, she savored the taste, silence in her cabin as she took her time eating, wondering what you were up to, if you were already laying in bed, if you were maybe also letting your thoughts wander to her, or if something else completely was on your mind, something she had no idea about. she imagined you sitting at the edge of your bed, tired and spent from the day, your room dark, only the moonlight illuminating your outline a bit, she imagined the tired look on your face, how you might sigh and close your eyes for a moment before getting undressed, how it would feel to be there, to offer you something, to say “come here” and hold you as you fell asleep, how it would feel to share a bed with you, to feel your skin warm against hers, to wake up in the middle of the night and hear you breathing slowly, deeply. eventually, she abandoned her kitchen and tried to repress the urge she had to go out and look for you, a long stare into the mirror as she brushed her teeth and told herself “calm down. you´re being fucking insane.”

at the end of the week, there was a bonfire night. the air at that hour was cool enough for the fire to be a pleasant sensation and most people quickly broke into groups, the younger kids, the older ones, your colleagues, a few of them standing around and talking, others playing games or entertaining each other with gossip from the day. 

you were tired form the eventful week, your limbs a bit heavy and sore, so you briefly left the two other counselors you were on good terms with for a moment to go sit on near the fire and just relax for a moment, watching the flames dance in the dark forest air. what you hadn´t noticed, was that Tess had been leaning against a tree near where you´d sat down for about fifteen minutes, just quietly observing, the way she always did, and for a few minutes she just looked at you, how you were holding your body, what your face might give away about your state of mind, before she decided to go pick up a drink from the cooler nearby to hand it to you as she sat down next to you, unannounced, a genuine smile from you as you took the drink and thanked her, wondering if she´d been able to tell that you were a bit tired, slightly touched by her attentiveness that you were still getting used to. 

“so”, she started, “how has it been”. you knew she was asking about how you felt after your first week there, that she was curious, so you turned to her, the desire to make sure she knew you were enjoying it, even though you must´ve seemed a bit exhausted in that moment.“oh I´m all good so far, thanks, no complaints yet, I´m getting moving my body much more than at college, so that´s good” you said, “even though I´m kinda scraped up”, pointing at a few scratches and bruises that were the result of various hiking and climbing and running activities. Tess glanced down at your legs, a grin, “oh just wait, there´s more to come”, somehow it sounded lascivious the way she said it, you leaned a bit closer to her, “oh, I don´t mind, after being stuck in the library for months this is great, I do feel better than a week ago, I have to say, I needed a break I think”, Tess nodded, a smile, the restrained kind she usually gave, that somehow pleased you much more than wide, toothy smiles from other people, 

“a lot going on up there, hm” gesturing at your forehead, a smile. the tone she used in that moment was the softest you´d heard her up until that point, it was clear she was trying to comfort you in some way, so you returned the smile, a tired sigh, “unfortunately, yeah, kinda. it´s hard sometimes to have this much time to myself. usually so many things distract me but, not here. kinda hard to just enjoy the peace and quiet sometimes, funny enough”. she nodded, messing with a twig absentmindedly, breaking small parts off. she briefly started into the distance, before turning back to you, “not for me” she said, smiling.“yeah, i´ts impressive to be honest. I don´t know how you do it. guess you´re already enlightened, zen, all that” you were half-joking, it made her laugh, “hardly. just years of practice. my early life was anything but quiet or serene, so, took some time to get used to it. but now I wouldn´t go back”,  you made a sound of understanding “I believe you, yeah. sounds nice, peaceful”.

she paused for a moment before changing the subject, the hint of a grin on her face,“you know, I´ve been hearing a few things through the grape-vine about you.” you faced fully then, the immediate thought being “oh god what did I do. did I do something embarrassing without realizing” even though you couldn´t recall anything, and the slightly panicked expression was funny to her, maybe cute too in some way, so she let you hang in that fear for a moment before saying, “oh don´t worry, glowing reviews across the board so far”.

that surprised you, the fact that people had gone out of their way to talk about you generously, “really?”, she tilted her head, studying your face for a moment, “why are you so surprised?”. she wasn´t gonna go into detail because she wasn´t big on flattery but a girl who´d worked there for two summers already, had come up to her earlier and told her that you were much better than the new girl the year before, that you were popular with the kids because you were patient and not too strict, that you´d offered to take over her group for a day because she was about to take a bunch of pain-killers for her headache to power through. Tess had heard a few other things along those lines too, and it was an easy way to get into her head, to win her over, being a good influence on her beloved space. 

you pondered the question why you were surprised about the praise and shrugged, “guess I just didn´t try all that hard”, she nodded, her voice lower, slower, “well, that´s the point I think”. “I could honestly do this job all year I think. but well. academic career calls” 

she smiled, “well someone´s gotta be the brainy type”, “you are too and you're here, so”, she took the compliment, “well but thats different. I´m people smart, life smart, you´re more book smart”, “how would you know?”, you said, tickled by her read on you, “well, you have that sophisticated “I write essays about complex niche shit”-air”, she was teasing a bit, gently, “oh damn, thats what I give off? really?”. 

“maybe, a bit. well you´re not like them, that´s for fucking sure”, she said, pointing at two guys and girls who were screeching as they were play-fighting, pushing each other, more the frat and sorority types, you laughed “right. can´t argue with that”. 

“so who do you hang out with?” you asked, which caught her off guard, “huh?” you looked at her more closely then, your faces both orange from the fire, glowing, easy to be mesmerized by, distracted by.“I never see you with anyone.”, you continued, waiting for an explanation, her voice was lower then, for emphasis,“well that´s on purpose, sweetie. I don´t “hang out” with people”. the pet name made your face feel even warmer, you were curious if she was bluffing,“no? you´re all alone, all day?”, she smiled, angling her body a bit more towards you, “well I´m never alone, am I?”, pointing around at all the others.“you know what I mean. no friends, no..” you didn´t say it out loud, the other kind of company you wondered about.

“no. just me and my mind palace” she whispered, tapping on her forehead. “right. well, could be worse, you seem very…” “very what?” she asked, not sure what you were about to say. “I dont know.. solid” you said,“solid. okay I´ll take that”, she wasn´t sure if you were being serious, so you went on“I mean it as a compliment, you never seem anxious or desperate for praise or approval or anything really”. “right. unlike…you?” she said, trying to get a rise out of you, clearly not meaning it, “ouch??”, you said, obviously not hurt but thrilled be the sudden playfulness that she was offering you. “no I´m joking. that´s more her thing, isn´t it” Tess said while pointing at a coworker of yours, she was right, the girl was notorious for giggling and talking in a higher voice around the male staff members, so you laughed a scandalized laugh, nudging her leg, a burn where her knee briefly brushed yours, her index finger on her lips “shh, I didnt say anything”, she whispered“no, sure”. 

Tess realized that she´d fucked up, just a moment too late. she´d crossed the boss-employee boundary of gossiping with you about your fellow worker, when she was in charge of both of you, you weren´t her peer, she knew this, but it felt too good, to sit there under the stars and actually have fun talking to someone. it was a small thing, but it was the start of something, of creating a sense of familiarity, a signal to you that she saw you as an equal, which she shouldn´t do, she knew it, she´d have to reel it back in, but she didn´t want to, not at all. 

you didn´t press on, you just gladly took what you got, pleased by the fact that she seemed to trust you in some way, that she wanted to make you laugh, create a feeling of kinship. just in time, a guy you were friendly with came over and told you to come join him and the others for a game, so you bade her farewell, and followed him, a hint of jealousy to her then as she watched his bright smile as he talked to you, as she saw some other girls hugging you, their hands on your lower back. she´d never wished she was part of the counselor group, not until that moment. she tried not to think about it, that some of the girls and guys around you would maybe shoot their shot with you, that you might want them to, that she´d have to witness a post-getting together flush on your face while you stole glances at another person across the dining hall table. she was perceptive, those kinds of things never escaped her, so she hoped and prayed that she´d never pick on something like that from you. unless. unless she was the one being looked at.

the next day, the plan was for everyone to go on a hike together, deeper into the forest because about thirty minutes away, there was a river that was shallow enough for everyone to be allowed to swim in without worrying about any safety issues. 

the plan was to spend a few hours there, for everyone to as they pleased, either swimming or laying in the grass or reading or doing whatever you wanted.

 about ten minutes into the hike, there was a steep hill you all had to go down, and two kids from your group didn´t realize that it was not a good idea to hold hands, until one of them lost their balance and nearly pulled the other one to the ground, had it not been for you and your sudden sharp reflex. you were walking a few steps behind them when you saw the first signs of what was about to be nasty joint fall to the floor, so without thinking twice, you hurried over to put yourself between them and the ground, which worked out, but forced you to the floor, because of the sudden impact of two bodies on you. 

at first, you weren´t aware that you´d even gotten hurt in the process, your mind clouded by the rush of adrenaline, but there was a sharp pain in your shin that made itself noticeable as the kids were saying your name, breathless, followed by a “look” pointing at your leg “I´m so sorry” the other one uttered, “it's my fault”, but you quickly said “no it´s okay, you´re good, I´m good, no big deal”, but you weren´t really all that good: you´d fallen right onto the sharp edge of a rock and your shin was dripping blood, a stream that already nearly reached your ankle. “Tess!!” the kids yelled, aware that she was always the one to look for in emergencies, but she was close enough to have seen it all, already in the process of hurrying over and kneeling down by your side, a hand on your back, checking the injury, “fuck” she said. “yeah, no, this can´t be left like that. we need to go back and clean this up”. “it´s fine really, I-” you tried to downplay it, but she shushed you, a sharpness to her expression then, she was gonna spare you the lecture she could have given then “what did I tell you about wounds? always, always turn back around, no open wounds out in the wild, infection is not something we want here”. 

you were embarrassed by the attention, she could tell, so she quickly looked up and announced to the others, “guys it´s no big deal, she took a fall, it looks worse than it is but I´ll go help her back so we can bandage it, you guys go without us. we´ll see each other for lunch later, okay?”. everyone respected her, so her words settled quickly and people kept it pushing, the two kids you´d shielded briefly giving you a pat while saying a shy “thank you. see you later?”, “yes, don´t worry guys I´m okay”. they smiled then, glad that you weren´t mad at all. Tess was still busy checking your injury, she´d pulled a tissue from her bag and had cleaned some of it up but the blood kept coming, so she said, “okay, come on, we need to fix this. I´ll help you up, okay?”. you nodded, putting weight on your uninjured leg as she pulled you up, with ease, her arm around your waist then to steady you, her hand firm, you could feel it well through the thin fabric of your shirt, intimate in a way that made you forget about the pain. part of her felt guilty, that she was glad to have an excuse to touch you, that she could disguise it as worry, the fact that she enjoyed feeling you close. 

“god this is so stupid” you sighed, as you made your way towards her cabin, walking slowly, your leg not really all that hurt but enough to make you limp a bit, she smiled, a light squeeze to your arm, “well, at least there are two girls who will see you as their savior now, just you wait, they´ll start writing you love-letters”, “anyone would have done that” you said, dismissive of the supposed bravery of your little moment of protectiveness, but she shook her head. “no, I don´t think so. you´re kind of a mama bear with them, I can tell”-

“ew Tess, not that fucking word”, she laughed, her grip on you just as firm as before, briefly turning to look at you, “don´t like that, no?”. “no. besides, I´m more of a big sister I think, you´re the.. mama as you said it. they like me but they respect you”.“I don´t know about all that”, “they do, it´s cute, they talk about you with hushed voices, all reverent. I overheard them once, they like that you´re not like their moms”, that made Tess smile, “hm, they have a point there. I sometimes think they´re scared of me though”, “no. I mean, maybe some of them, but can´t hurt, to have a tiny bit of fear in there. I´ve never seen any of them give you trouble”, she nodded, her tone low, a hint of pride in there, “oh, I´d like to see any of them try”.

“you good? we´re almost there” she asked, hoping you weren´t in too much pain, “yeah, yeah, all good, haven´t bled out yet I think”. “you sure, looking a bit pale there” she was messing with you, it felt nice, “you telling me I look bad?”, “no, never”, she realized too late that that was the kind of subtle flirty thing she´d have said to someone she was dating, not the kind of thing she´d say to an employee, so for the rest of the way she just kept her mouth shut, as you smiled to yourself, despite your bloodied shin, because slowly but surely, you were sensing that she wasn´t impossible to crack. 

once you were inside her cabin, she rushed down the hallway to get the stuff she needed from her medical kit, while you took a look around her living room that was connected to a kitchen. 

the cabin was different than yours, the layout was more like a real apartment, moderate in size but cozy, inviting, a couch with some bookshelves behind it, a fireplace, a coffee table with various candles and lighters and magazines, so for a few seconds you slowly walked around the room, until you heard her whistling your way to get your attention, she was standing in the kitchen, waving you over, “stop snooping and come here” her tone pretend-stern, you could tell that she wasn´t really bothered.“I wasn´t” you insisted as you watched her pulling out two chairs from the dining table, one to sit on and one to put your leg up on, she was impatient, not even addressing your protest, focused on getting you cleaned up, “sit down” another order, you suppressed a grin as you walked over, it felt good, to be bossed around by her, and she could tell, it wasn´t the same way with others, they sometimes perceived it as rude or cold, but there you were, almost giddy because she was being a bit authoritative, it only made the thing she had for you worse, but she kept her mind on the bandage she was cutting. 

you sat down and lifted up your leg on the chair, as she knelt down next to you, a reassuring hand on your leg as she used a wet tissue to clean up most of the blood, careful, slow, focused, in a way that felt so intimate that you felt a blush creep up on your cheeks, silent as she discarded of the tissue and looked up at you.“okay, this part always sucks but I need to make sure the wound is clean, so I´ll put some rubbing alcohol on it, alright? it will sting, but only for a few seconds”, you looked down at her, your hands in your lap, a sense of trust radiating from you. as you said “it´s fine, I can take it, don´t worry” a sudden rush of heat to her face to then, as the words “I can take it” hit her, but she pushed that feeling away and nodded, “good. you can touch me by the way, hold my arm for support or whatever” pointing to your hands, the way you were sitting there sort of shy, so you did, your hand on her shoulder.

Tess did what she had to do, a wince and clenching of your teeth, as the aforementioned sting hit you, she could feel your fingernails digging into her skin, another thing that could have distracted her, had she not been busy getting it over with as quickly as possible, so you could relax again.  “okay, done”, she caught herself just in time before “good girl” could leave her lips, a shake of her head as she went over to the trash and threw away the bloodied cloth. 

you sat there, smiling, enjoying the way she was tending to you “you´re good at this” you said, a smile from her then as she fussed with the bandage and knelt down again, slowly wrapping it around your shin, a brief glance up at you, “well, gotta be with this job, I won´t have anyone walking around with a festering wound, not on my watch”, “yeah I can tell. bet you´re good at calming them down when they get seriously injured, not just like this”, you could imagine Tess in an emergency, her being the steading presence if someone fainted, getting them in the right position and telling them in her soothing voice to mimic her pattern of breathing, you could imagine her in pretty much an serious situation as the person to look to for help, for a calming influence, it was somehow only making it all worse, your attraction to her, how gentle but deliberate she was as she finished wrapping up your wound, her fingers never shaky or fumbling with anything, your eyes on her face as her gaze was fixed on your patched-up wound, a nod from her then, “okay, this should work. we´re done here”. 

you squeezed her arm then, lightly, “thank you. it doesn´t even hurt much”. that was a relief to hear, the cut had been in an unfortunate place, right above your bone, where the skin was thin, “you´re tough, huh. didn´t complain the whole way back or just now”, you took the compliment, “not much to complain about here” you said and gestured around, vaguely, but she knew you didn´t mean her cabin or the environment outside, it was clear what you were saying, and she knew she should have pushed back a bit, said something very clearly professional and distanced then, but she didn´t want to, it was nice, to have that exchange with you. she could feel herself getting reckless, and she couldn´t stop it, not fully.

for a moment she just stood there, leaning back against the counter, taking in the sight of you, still sitting at her table, clearly a bit exhausted. “you good? need anything? a drink?”, “a drink?” you said, grinning a her,  “like what, a beer? whiskey?” she knew she´d phrased that a bit oddly, so she laughed, shaking her head, “no, I´m not stupid enough to get my workers drunk, at least not yet, but, I do have something else that might lift your spirits, now that I think about it”, initially she was gonna give you water, but she felt generous, felt like spoiling you a bit, which was not something she´d have usually done for people, but she was already past the point of pretending, you weren´t like the others to her, she could admit it to herself.

she walked over her fridge and got something out that you couldn´t identify at first, before she walked over to you and placed them in your lap, “here, knock yourself out”. the moment you realized what it was, a bottle of coke and some chocolate, your eyes lit up in a way that made her laugh then, “damn, you look like you haven´t eaten in three months, you´ve only been here for a week, sweetie”.

“well, I haven´t eaten any non-organic food in days so this- yeah this is gonna hit. where the fuck did you get this?” you asked, before taking a sip of the coke. she liked it, watching you savor something, the way you licked your lips after, “well, unlike you poor souls I have a car here. I can drive to the nearest town whenever I want”, “oh so thats what you do when you sneak off? go have fun elsewhere?”, she shook her head, “no fun, just pragmatics, I am kind of picky with my food, so, yeah, I like stocking up on stuff I can make myself”. “hm.  interesting. wanna take me with you sometime?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at her. “absolutely not, no favoritism and no outside-work shit, you know that”, it was bullshit and you both knew it, what was going on in that moment was the definition of favoritism, but you played along, “damn. your a hard-ass huh?”, licking some of the chocolate that had melted onto your fingers, her eyes drawn to your mouth yet again, her composure getting a hard hit, yet again, “only now noticing are you?”. 

“well. they´ll be back in like three hours so… you´re free to do as you please now”. “right. I can stare at a wall and bore myself to death”, she was amused, something about your dry humor matched hers, it felt familiar, “or, maybe, just a thought, you could enjoy the surroundings?”. she had a point,“I know but, the novelty has kinda worn off there”, she knew what you meant, you spent day and night under those trees, it wasn´t exactly thrilling to spend a few hours sitting there, “right. have you ever been up on the hill? the one behind the lake?”, “no, is it cool?”, “kinda, yeah, you can see pretty far from there and there´s a bench there”, you grinned, “so your secret spot?”, a shrug, a smile that gave away the answer, “sort of. but, I´d make an exception for an injured person”.

“you can put weight on it, right?”, she looked at you, that uninterrupted kind of attention that you weren´t used to, her gaze seemingly never flickering somewhere else when she was talking to you, with you. “yeah, wait let me see” you placed your foot on the floor, she instinctively held out her arm, so you could put your hand there, “it´s okay, doesn´t hurt”, she seemed relieved, still, she monitored your walk as you went towards the door, she could tell were a bit tentative still, which made her feel more protective than she should have, you weren´t dealing with a broken leg, you were fine, but she cared about you, genuinely, and for her it was rare to feel that way, so inevitably, she made it her job of sorts to look out for you. 

the way up the hill wasn´t long and she made you go in front of her once the path started inclining, to prevent any possible tripping falling, and also. if she´d met you in a dating context, in a context outside of work, that would have been the moment for her to say “let me carry you, come on” to show off her strength, to feel you against her back, holding onto her while she´d have her hands on your thighs to support you. 

she liked it when the kids' eyes went wide when she showed off her capabilities, but she missed it, having a woman to impress, having someone to maybe turn on with it. instead, she just watched you, the sight of your bandaged leg somehow deepening the tenderness she already felt for you, the sudden desire to kneel down and kiss your skin above the wound. eventually, you reach the bench and both sat down, you a bit more winded than her, catching your breath as you said “oh, yeah this is nice” while realizing how far you could look, almost all the way to the town nearby. 

for a moment you both just sat there and enjoyed the silence, the sounds of various birds, the moderate heat of a summer day that wouldn´t be unbearably but pleasantly hot, until she spoke up, “you know. this is a bit.. well not ideal, but I usually come up here to smoke” you were being trusted with a secret, you could tell, she obviously smoked up there because everywhere else a kid could see her, make a big deal out of it, tease her for it, it was clear that she wouldn´t give anyone a clue about her vices, except, you in that moment, and you wanted to think that she wouldn´t just do it with any of her employees, that not all of them were aware of her habit, “okay, not a problem with me”, you said, nonchalantly, so she raised her eyebrows, “you don´t mind?”, you shook your head “no, not at all”. 

within seconds she had her lighter and a half empty pack in her hands, quickly lighting one and taking a first drag that gave away that it had probably been a few days, a deep exhale as she leaned back and looked different than usual, more like the private version of herself, more like she probably looked around friends or lovers, her posture softer, her demeanor less intimidating. you had to be careful not to stare because she looked hot smoking, the way nonchalant blew smoke in the opposite direction of your face, which made you laugh, “it´s okay you know, you can face me”, she turned to you then, tilting her head, a challenging look, “you want me to shotgun you, huh?” she joked, leaning a bit closer to you before taking another drag. “sure, I wouldn´t mind” you said, a bit too earnestly, a beat of silence then, she shook her head, exhaling a bit closer to your face then, “you´re funny”, almost like she was saying it to herself, not to you. 

somehow, the scent of tobacco suited her, the woods around had an earthy smell anyway, it kinda matched it, a scent profile that added to her slightly masculine air, she seemed at home in the woods, they too were imposing and dangerous in some way, but comforting and still too, it reflected her, you could tell why she´d ended up there and she could tell that you were looking at her side profile, and she let you, her arm behind you on the bench, a tranquil feeling, an unusual silence, no shrieks from kids, nothing, just you there, the awareness of your body close to hers a warm, revitalizing sensation. 

“can I ask you something?” she eventually said, turning her attention back to you as you were fussing with your bandage a bit, her hand gently pulling it away, so you´d leave it alone, a hint of that caring dominance that made her so alluring to you. 

“sure, whatever you want” , you were hoping for something juicy, but she wasn´t that careless, “why´d you come here?”,  she asked, genuine interest in her eyes. you thought about it, a brief pause, her body turned more to you then. “well. to be honest, I didn´t wanna stay in my college town and I didn´t wanna go back home either, so. thought a job might be good, get away from everything. and so far, seems that I had the right idea”. she nodded, considering that, “makes sense yeah. you do seem like you´ve been here for much longer than a week. would you come back again next year?”. 

that was not what you expected her to ask, “already offering me an extension of the contract?” you said, a smile, slightly playful, she nodded, “yes, actually I am, because we don´t get new people here too often, and you´re good. would be one less job application bullshit to go through next year. besides, some of the kids will come back, and they like you, so, win-win”, you almost asked her “and you? you want me to come back too?” but the subtext was already there, you knew she wanted you to, and you knew she wouldn´t admit it. “sure, I mean, I don´t see why not. unless of course.. I fall madly in love and wanna go be an annoying happy couple on vacation” you joked, which made her laugh then, “oh sure, feel free to cancel on us if that happens, wouldn´t wanna get in the way of love” her tone was dripping in irony and you smiled to yourself, glad that you´d found a way to signal to her that you were in fact not currently in a relationship, which she´d figured before, but it felt good for her to have it confirmed, too good, she suppressed the joy that could have been read on her face then, had she been less careful. 

“I´m kinda glad that I could turn around to be honest” you said, stretching your limbs a bit and enjoying the peaceful vibe, she turned to you, “ah, let me guess, Marc and Carla, trouble in paradise earlier, huh?”. you turned to her, of course nothing passed her by,“oh so you picked up on that? that fucking dating drama” you asked, she nodded, an amused expression as she also leaned back, “oh yeah, they´ve worked here for years, they go to different colleges and always have this dramatic on and off thing going on all summer here. they´re good with the kids, so I don´t care, but I imagine it gets a bit.. tiring when you´re working together, huh?”.

you nodded, “yeah, a few days ago some girl warned me not to be too friendly with him because they´re both always crazy jealous. which is so.. like how old are we? but Carla sized me up and decided that I wasn´t competition, so”, she furrowed her brows, “really, that was her verdict there?”, her surprise was a giveaway, the subtext clearly being “if I was him, you´d be competition, for sure, she should be jealous if she saw you talking to me, because I´d maybe ditch her for you”. something along those lines was in there, so she changed the subject,“well, good for me I don´t have to deal with any of that, so”, you nodded, “yeah lucky you. but I stay out of it too, all of that is not my style, I´m not into the whole public dating mess, I like it to be a bit more.. well, private guess.”, “clever girl” she said, her eyes briefly closed, the sun hitting her face.

that was the first time she´d heard you express a preference dating wise, and it didn´t escape her, that you were basically saying “I don´t mind keeping it a secret”, which was exactly what you two would have to do, if it ever came to anything. she was also relieved that you seemingly had no interest in any of them, because she had no way of knowing what went on when she wasn´t around, who you might sneak out for during the night. you were both saying thing without actually saying them, and it was a bit too exciting, the air was a bit too charged, so before anything worse could come out of her mouth, before she´d really slip up and ask something like “so, what´s your type then?” or “have any of them tried shit with you?”, she interrupted the silence, slapped her knees, and signaled that the time up there was up.

“okay, come on, let´s go back, you should go lay down and rest for a while, you did take a bit of a fall there. gotta have you fit again for tomorrow”, so you got up too and let her help you, yet again, even though you could walk perfectly fine on your own, she let you link arms with her, your supposed unsteadiness a good cover for the casual intimacy, the way you were touching without assigning it any other meaning than “she needs a little help getting down the hill” when it wasn´t about that, at all. you felt yourself enjoying it, the feeling of her flannel, soft against your bare arm, the faint smell of smoke lingering on her, watching her from time to time as she spoke, her eyes pretty in the midday sun, your gaze constantly drawn back to them to figure out if they were light green or blue or both. 

you were near your cabin then, so she turned to face you, and it hit both of you at the same time, that the vibe was the exact same as at the end of a date, that charged, slightly awkward moment of “are we gonna kiss? should I go in for the hug? should I do anything at all? is she gonna?”. 

you hadn´t even thought about it but the previous hour or so you´d spent together was far off from any professional exchange, it was tinged with something intimate, the feeling of dancing around someone as you´re figuring out if a crush is requited, so for a moment you both just stood there staring at each other, waiting, until she found way to bring the mood to a more neutral one again, at least slightly, “so, you go and rest, and after dinner come back to my place for a moment, so we can switch that out for a band-aid” she pointed at your shin, “that will be nasty after a shower, so”. she was thinking ahead more than you were, that practicality hadn´t crossed your mind at all, and in a way you thought, “is she looking for an excuse to see me again?” because she could have just told you to ask someone from the team for a bandaid later, surely someone would´ve had one, but she specifically told you to come to her. it was not clear, but you felt like reading into it, so you did, allowing yourself a bit of hope as you nodded, “sure, yeah I´ll come over when I´m done showering”. 

after you parted ways, you didn´t even take off your shoes before laying down on your bed, your legs dangling off the edge as you dozed off, half-asleep as you tried to cling to the sensation of sitting next to her, talking to her, the giddiness that she made you feel without even trying. 

you had vague dreams about her, fantasies that you´d briefly indulged in playing out in your mind as you slept, you and her sitting next to each other at some assembly, her touching you under the table, in the dream you were lovers, you could tell, from the smile she gave you, the kind that said “can´t wait to be in private with you again”. when you woke up from the noise of everyone returning to camp, you were groggy and hot from the vision you´d just had, disoriented until you looked at your bandaged leg and realized what day it was, what had happened. 

for the next few hours, the girls you were responsible for all doted on you as if you´d broken your leg, even though you could walk just fine, you could tell they loved acting like little caretakers for that afternoon, bringing you water and snacks and presenting you with flowers they´d brought back from the hike. until dinner you were busy with all that, and then, after you´d all eaten and you were done showering, you found yourself growing nervous because it was time to go over to Tess´s place. you took more time than other nights when picking out what to wear to bed, you looked at yourself in the mirror for longer, until you told yourself to stop making it all bigger than it was, that you were just going to her to get your injury checked up on, and yet, you felt the jitteriness you would have felt before a date, not the kind you´d feel before a doctor´s appointment, hope bubbling up inside of you, not dread. 

on your way over, the evening air did help a bit with relaxing and getting yourself together, until you knocked on her door and she opened it looking different than you´d seen her any of the days before, a shock to your system. Tess leaned against the doorframe, dressed in baggy plaid shorts that reached until her mid-thigh, vaguely reminiscent of boxer shorts, a white t-shirt that was worn out in way that made the fabric hug her figure perfectly without being tight at all, and, you realized that for the first time you were seeing her without shoes, just a pair of white socks that went up over her ankles. the white accentuated her tan and it was clear that she´d also just gotten done showering because her skin was glowing, her face looked younger somehow, her hair was down, and that first glimpse of her alone was enough to feel nervous again, you were seeing her the way lovers would see her if they came over at night, it was intimate in a way, to see each other like that, and she didn´t let it show, but she had similar feelings after she said “hey there” and waved you in, a brief flicker of her gaze over your body when you walked inside ahead of her, glad that she had an excuse to touch you. 

the vibe of her place at night was even better than during the day, she´d lit a few candles and a round orange lamp cast the living room in a soothing warm light. she saw you looking over at the kitchen, so she said “oh, you can just sit on the couch, it won´t take long”. you almost said “please take as long as you want” but stopped yourself and did as she told you, taking your place, sinking into the cushion, your hands on your knees, another look around the room as she went to her bathroom and got everything she needed. you briefly talked about the rest of the day when she returned, you telling her “the girls tried to play nurse with me”, which made her smile, a glance down to where you were sitting as she approached you, “they´re trying to take my job, huh”, more of that hope you´d felt earlier, you could feel that something was in the air, it was more intense than earlier. 

“so, how is it, does it hurt still?” she asked as she knelt down next to you and used a small pair of scissors to carefully cut off the bandage that had gotten damp in the shower, a shake of your head, “no, I think it´s fine”, already a warm expression on your face because you loved being tended to by her, it was not what you were used to, to have someone take care of you like that, even just in small ways, it didn´t feel small, to see the concern in her eyes when she removed the bandage, and said “okay, there´s some bruising here. but the wound itself doesn´t look too bad without the blood, I don´t think it will scar” she almost added “either way, a scar wouldn´t take away from your beauty”. for a moment she held your leg still, taking in the sight of the purple and red bruises below your knee that would soon turn green, a sting in her chest, the urge to lean in and kiss the tender skin, a brief moment of wishing she could just throw caution out of the window and ask you to stay the night, so she could take care of you, hold you, whatever you wanted her to do. 

instead, she cleared her throat and reached over to peel the plastic off the bandaid and placed it so that I wouldn´t crease or come off too easily, her fingertips light as she was focused on final act of medical care for you. 

she had no idea how affectionately you looked at her the entire time she knelt before you, too busy with what her hands were doing, but after she said “okay good, all done here” and gave you a light pat on your thigh, she saw a trace of it in your eyes, you weren´t hiding it well, and maybe you weren´t even trying anymore.

she got up and knew that that was the moment where she should say “okay then. have a good night and I will see you tomorrow!”, she knew what she “should” have done, but just like you, she was growing increasingly worse at caring about all of that, it was simple: she liked having you there and you obviously liked being there, so she wouldn´t interrupt that moment, not yet. 

her rationality was fading into the background as her body, her spirit took over. Tess had gone so long without close relationships, without even so much as a crush or a fling, that she had convinced herself she was fine without it, but being confronted with you had shattered that belief. it felt like she´d lived in a perpetual dark landscape for a while and had told herself that it was fine that way, that her eyes were well-adjusted to, only to be stunned by a sudden light, drawn in by it, warmed by it. it was pointless to tell herself “you´re her boss, make her leave, stop this”. she stood there for a moment but went to sit down on the other side of the couch quickly after, careful to leave some distance. as she sat down, you stretched your limbs and groaned lightly, your muscles a bit sore from the days of outdoor activity, and she felt her whole face go hot when she caught a glimpse of your midriff. “fucking hell” she thought, when you leaned back and your shirt rode up from your attempt to alleviate some tension, thankful when you pulled it back down and got comfortable, turning to face her. 

she wasn´t trying to look hot but she did anyway, there was no position she could have sat in that would have made you enjoy the view less, so you gave her a genuine smile, and started a conversation. 

“so. what do you do here all night?” you asked, glancing around the room. her face gave away that she was amused, and you realized that it had come out a bit suggestively, “well I mean-”, she finished the question for you, “you mean, what do I do with all my alone time here?”, you nodded, “yes. you never have guests or anything, right?”, she shook her head, “no. just me”, unsure if it was relief that she could read in your expression, relief over her clear lack of a dating life.

“do you drink?” you asked then, which made her laugh, “you think I need to get drunk to enjoy my own company, hm? I´m that insufferable?”, you rolled your eyes, “you know what I mean”, she liked it, riling you up a bit, she´d always done it with girls she had a thing for. “yeah, I mean, sure I drink, I smoke, as you know, moderately. but I am not all that different than you guys, I download films and shows when I am in the office building, I watch some stuff here and there, or I read, sit outside when it´s a nice evening, or.. you know, just stare at the walls and lose my mind” she added, while crossing one leg over the other, her hand on her thigh, her body titled towards you, her demeanor completely different than during the day. there was something open and soft about her at that hour, something you hadn´t seen outside of her place, and it was predictably just as attractive to you, if not more.

“hm, sounds kinda nice to me. I mean, I do get the appeal of all of this” you said with a slightly wistful tone, clearly insinuating that your life back in college was less vitalizing for your spirit, less relaxing, she liked the sound of that, since she didn´t know what you really thought about your job, “yeah? that´s good. so, your verdict after the first week is not that you don´t feel horrible dread at the idea of being here all summer?” she said, nudging your arm briefly, reckless, she shouldn´t have touched you, shouldn´t have given you another taste, your eyes changed, a sparkle, “yes, for sure. I mean, on my first day I was kind of stunned by my weird decision to come here, I won´t lie, but I´m glad I did, it´s good for me I think”, that first part made her laugh, she was playing with the hem of her shorts absentmindedly, her fingers running over her own skin, your gaze drawn down there. “yeah you are kind of different than the others, makes sense that you felt a bit out of place initially”.

“different? like in a freak way?” you teased, of course you knew that she was trying to say that you occupied a special place in her mind, that she was admitting to you that you were unique in her eyes, but you also knew the way to get to her was through humor, through indirect flirting. she nodded, visibly pleased by the vibe that was slowly building up between you, “sure, yeah that´s what I meant, you´re odd as hell”. 

for a moment you both smiled to yourselves, silence until she realized that while you were there, she might as well be a good host, “i´ts kinda warm still, do you want something to drink?” you nodded, glad that she seemed to be in no hurry to make you leave, “yeah, sure”. while she went over to the kitchen, you looked at the coffee table and saw a half empty pack of sour candy, which was kind of endearing to you, the fact that she of all people had a sweet tooth. you grabbed the bag to put a few of them in your mouth, chewing and enjoying the intense flavor with a hint of mischief in your eyes when she came back with two opened cans of soda.

“oh sure, just go ahead, feel free” she said, trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably, way too charmed by the way you sat there and licked the sugar off your lips. “is she doing that un purpose?” she thought. the thing that made it so hard for her to resist you, was the you seemed so at ease around her. nothing turned her off faster than apprehension, Tess might have come across as aggressive at times, but with other women, she was anything but that, she had to be sure that someone wanted to pursued in order to do it. she had never been the type to beg people or to run after them, nothing killed the mood for her like a feeling of “is she actually into me?”. so, seeing you lounge on her couch like it was your own, obviously glad to be there, all smiley and content, it made her wonder “why am I holding back exactly? I know what would make her even happier right now”. 

you put the bag down and took the drink from her, a polite “thank you very much”, followed by a big sip and a sigh, the orange taste a nice mix with the peach flavor of the candy you´d just eaten. you briefly pressed the cold metal to your cheek, a nice contrast on a summer night. it made Tess look over at you with a mix of desire and tenderness, she was painfully aware of your body, and you of hers, all of your talking was just a thin veil over the reason you were really sitting there: to watch each other. to feel each other close. to get a rush from it all. 

you were both hyper-sensitive to everything about each other, the way your bare skin looked in the dim light, that space on your thighs where your shorts stopped, your voices lower and quieter than during the day, easy to get turned on by, your faces glowing from the mix of sun-exposure and a fresh shower, a distinct scent to the both of you that the other was able to pick up on. you tried not to stare at her hands, she tried not to stare at your legs, while you both drank and stayed quiet, which only made the tension worse each passing second. 

she was the one to speak again, “you´re kinda hard to figure out, you know” she said, eyeing you with interest. “I could say the same thing” you responded, your tone unmistakably flirty by that point, she smiled, trying to look unfazed, even though she was close to breaking. “well, that´s not your job sweetie, I´m the one in charge, I should know what I am working with”. the way she said that went straight to your core, the way she invoked her authority only made you want her more, an undeniable thrill at the thought of making her cross a boundary she normally wouldn´t. 

“well, I am not hiding anything” you went on, taking another sip of the drink before setting it down on the table and moving closer to her when sitting back again, she noticed and felt her heartbeat speed up, her face grow hot. she shook her head, a faint scoff, “I don´t buy that for a second. everyone hides some things.” you challenged her, sensing the sudden opening in your dynamic, the threshold you wanted to cross so desperately, “what is that you´re hiding then?”, she smiled, stubbornly fighting back against your attempt to catch her off guard, “we were talking about you, not me”.“I´d prefer to talk about you though”, you wouldn´t let it go, she´d have to be meaner to get you to back off. 

Tess was quiet for a second, you looked at her, she seemed to be debating something, and you felt it, that you were both close to losing your composure. your bodies betrayed you, you were both breathing too heavy to mask your thoughts. 

you knew her, you knew she would not allow herself to make the first move, you´d have to show her what you wanted, so you pushed your nervousness aside and tried on shamelessness instead. 

you moved closer to her side of the couch and brushed her leg with yours, a complete change in her expression, immediately, she didn´t know you had it in you, wasn´t prepared for it, for any of the things you made her feel. for once in her life, she felt weak. she uttered your name under her breath as you touched her thigh, her eyes shut for a second, but the way she said it didn´t sound like a warning, it sounded like a plea, like she was saying “come here”. 

so, finally, you leaned forward and grabbed her face to kiss her. 

for a second, she didn´t move, didn´t do anything, she wanted to feel you come onto her, wanted to make you work for it, your kiss eager and lingering, a pause before you realized that she wasn´t gonna push you off, didn´t want you to stop, then another kiss, waiting for to join in, and all of a sudden, there was complete change to her, like you´d turned on a switch, like her whole body woke up at once. 

“yes”, you thought, “this is what I wanted”: she grabbed your face and kissed you back, a confidence and ease to her kissing, that made you weak in the knees, her lips warm against yours, impossible to keep it tame, a needy sound from you, that made her need you even closer, so she grabbed your thigh and pulled you onto her lap, not fully straddling her but draped over her, the kissing turning more desperate by the second, your tongues touching, hot and sweet, your tastes swirling into one as you made out. 

you moved your hips and felt yourself growing impatient, you were burning up for her, you wanted more, so you climbed fully onto her, her hands on your waist, a groan from her as you leaned forward and pushed your fingers into her hair, to tilt her head and kiss her again, your lips swollen red by that point, the divine sensation of her bare thighs under yours turning you on even more. she nearly lost her mind from the feeling of you moving on top of her, her hands roaming over your back under your shirt. the moment she did that, you pulled away out of breath and helped her out, tearing it off to reveal your upper body in its naked for to her, and  the way she looked at you then was enough to want to give yourself over to her entirely, there was both reverence and hunger in her eyes, something soft and violent at once, “you´re so fucking beautiful…” she whispered, out of breath, before she pulled you close and kissed your neck, your head thrown back, pure bliss as she covered your entire neck in kisses, ran her tongue over the sensitive spot under your jaw, slowly making her way down, her hands grabbing your tits as she did this, eliciting soft moans.

you felt bold and sighed “wanna put them in your mouth?”. Tess didn´t hesitate, she´d always been into it, always had a thing for it, and it had been too long, so you saying that made her abandon all restraint. she put her mouth to one of your tits while gently squeezing the other, kissing at first, before circling your nipple with her tongue, a whine from you that made her want to hear more, so she sucked on it, hard enough to make you fear you might just cum from that, a heat between your legs, a throb, a sudden helplessness to you as she switched between sucking and kissing your tits, self-indulgent, lost in the softness of it, the bliss of having you unravel on top of her, giving you pleasure from something that brought herself pleasure too, deeply. she held back with biting because she knew you´d wear a bikini out again and didn´t need a hickey there, but the desire to bruise you was there, the desire to leave her mark, you could tell, from the hums of pleasure that escaped her, the slight pain from being sucked raw by her. 

eventually you grew sick with lust, so she stopped and faced you, soothing you in your state of utter need, “you good?” her lips glistening with her own spit, you nodded, your voice cracked and husky, “yeah, so good.. I just. fuck-” you held onto her arms, “can we go to your room please?” you said, followed up by another “please”, no chance of being subtle, you wanted her, badly. she nodded, also worked up and fighting an ache at her core, that was growing unbearable, that could only be relieved by getting more of you. “yes, come, let me take care of you”. you climbed down from her and she grabbed your hand to lead you to her bedroom, neither of you registering a single thing about your surroundings, overwhelmed by that unfathomable heat rushing your system, painful and in the most exhilarating way, that moment right before getting what you wanted, almost sick with anticipation, your bodies vibrating with it, the thought “finally, finally, finally she´s mine”. 

once you were in her room you quickly pushed down your shorts, not even waiting for her to help, your underwear too, no need to pretend or wait any longer. the second you were fully nude, she found herself at a loss. your body was perfectly lit by a small lamp on her bedside table, your silhouette like you were a vision of an angel, she stared in awe, forgetting for a second that she was allowed to touch you, that you were waiting for it, that everything she´d dreamed of was being offered to her.

you sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for her to come over to you. you looked at her as she took her place, standing between your legs, her hands on either side of your face, your eyes soft and docile as you stared up at her, a smile of disbelief on her face as she pushed her hands up into your hair and watched you surrender to her touch, your head tilted back, your throat exposed, inviting, everything about the picture of eager submission. “god, you´re fucking perfect” she whispered, caressing you, watching you lean into it,“are you really sure about this?” she asked then, unwilling to do a single thing you weren´t truly dying for, an instant nod from you, a pleading tone, “yes, I need this, I need you, I´ve wanted this all week” you confessed, almost stumbling over your words, a nod from her as you grabbed her waist then and pulled yourself forward, towards her, your fingers moving to the hem of her shirt, a brief sound of protest from her.

“please let me see you, you´re so beautiful”, you begged, and she was defenseless against that, so she pulled her shirt up and pulled down her shorts, which left her in her underwear and bra, a simple black one, that revealed more of her cleavage than you´d ever seen out during the day, your hands immediately on her sides, sliding down, a shiver as she felt you touch her bare skin. you were in awe the same way she had been before, the sight of her strong upper body, her subtly defined abs, the point where her waist dipped in slightly, the warmth and softness of her skin, it all surpassed what you´d dreamed of, and she could tell, so she gently pushed you back against the bed, waiting for you to move and lay back, so she could climb over you. the moment you were on your back, she moved on top of you, your body flush against hers then, your hands on her neck as you went in for another kiss, desperate as you felt her chest pressed against yours, her thighs brushing yours, the full body contact driving you insane. you held onto her as you started making out, an instant rhythm, your hips moving up, hers pressing down, whimpers and sighs as you kissed and grew needier and needier, grinding up against each other, savoring the complete melting together of your bodies. 

for a few minutes you got lost in the heat of kissing, desperate to draw out the sweet feeling of a makeout that grew more and more uninhibited and intimate each second, a slow, nasty kind of kissing that was enough to make you both moan into each others mouths without shame, a delicious friction where your hips kept meeting, where your thighs were rubbing together, she moved her hands from your face to your chest and that broke the kiss because you were too worked up, too turned on from her kneading your tits, so she moved her lips to your neck instead, pleased by your sighs, your nails lightly scratching her back. 

Tess couldn´t wait any longer, so she looked at you and whispered “I wanna taste you, do you want me to?”, an instant “yes, please”, there was nothing you wanted more in that moment, both of you were dying for it, so she moved herself down between your legs and kissed your thighs while settling down between them, gently pushing them apart to have enough space, a few light bites to your inner thigh. you leaned back and tried not to sound too pathetic already, deep breaths as you surrendered to her.

the second her tongue touched you, you whined, so she caressed your thighs and looked up at you. she was starved, for the taste, the scent, the feeling, so she took her time, a slow up and down movement of her tongue between your lips, a few kisses in between, broad strokes to work you up, before she felt you growing impatient and spread you open, her mouth on you as she pushed her tongue in deeper, building up a rhythm that was intense but not too fast yet, exactly what you needed to lay back and relax, to open your legs a bit wider and sink into the heavenly feeling. 

she knew what she was doing, you could tell, from the start you felt free to let go and enjoy yourself, unselfconscious as you moaned quietly, her fingers firm on your thighs as she got into it and made sounds of pleasure herself, she was clearly not just doing it to please you but to please herself too, you could feel it, from how she switched between licking and sucking, from how she lapped up your wetness with devotion, that she was the type to eat pussy out of her sheer need for the taste, the sensation of being slick with someones cum, and her eagerness only turned you on more, your hips bucking up as she increased the pressure and speed, sloppy, lewd sounds as she got a high from being trapped between your legs, pure heaven for her, to feel your hot and throbbing against her lips, to have you all weak and open like that, to see you spread out on her bed, your chest rising and falling rapidly, your mouth open. 

the thing she did then just made you feel even more insane with lust, she grabbed your hands that had been holding onto the sheets, and din´t let go, giving you a reassuring squeeze as you kept holding hands, something deeply romantic and intimate about it, the act of interlacing your fingers with hers while she was focused on making you feel as good as possible. she loved feeling the instant effect of her tongue-fucking from the way your fingers tightened around hers harder when she hit certain spots, a signal for her to stay focused, to be relentless about it, fast flicks of her tongue then, over and over, your cunt raw and pulsing to a point of overwhelm, “fuck, that feels so good”, you praised, breathless, a whispered, “god, you´re a fucking dream” from her before she targeted your clit and applied more pressure, her tongue broad and flat at first, a softer kind of friction, a warmth spreading all the way through you, your hips still moving to meet her mouth, lost in the dream-like feeling of being hidden away in her room, held in place and tended to, then, she only used the tip of her tongue, harder and more intense flicks, that quickly forced louder moans out of you, the sound so hot to her that she involuntarily rocked her hips too. 

she let go of your hands then to hold your thighs in place as she kept you from moving up the bed even an inch, sucking on your clit then to really give you the final push, and what she did then was a move you didn´t expect and weren´t prepared for, she interrupted the intense sucking on your clit to bring one of her hands up to your slick core and aggressively rubbed all fingers but her thumb over your sensitive lips and clit, a few seconds of that, a helpless whine from you, a pleading “fuck Tess…”, before she licked over your clit again and kept switching between those two actions in intervals that absolutely wrecked you. 

you had no idea where to put your hands, so you ended up squeezing your own tits as she fucked you to a point of ecstasy, eventually returning to only using her tongue when she felt you nearing your orgasm, “fuck, don´t stop, please” you cried, as she sucked even harder than before. her hands gripped you as your back arched up because you felt the climax spreading from your core to the rest of your body with a burning, rapid heat, your muscles all tense, your cunt soaked and throbbing under Tess´s lips, your eyes shut and pathetic moans falling from your lips as you came, your hands in her hair and your hips rocking up to ride it out. she held her tongue in place and got lost in the bliss of feeling you hold her in place, feeling your sweet taste get smeared all over her lips and chin, hums of pleasure as she patiently witnessed your orgasm in all its beauty, your inner thighs soft against her cheeks as you pressed them together, your high-pitched sounds, your naked body all angelic looking in the dim light. 

Tess loved few things more than making women cum, it addictive to her, the feeling of pleasing someone so well that they were left all blissed out and speechless, which was exactly how she left you in that moment. once you had tired yourself out and savored the full effects of your finish, you slowly calmed down again, your legs shaking and your whole body on fire as you went slack and tried to catch your breath. Tess was still between your legs, looking up at you with a satisfied smile before she kissed your inner thighs, softly, while whispering “such a sweet girl, hm”, lost in a feverish affection for you, out of breath and turned on to a point of soaking her underwear from all the sounds you´d just made for her. 

after a moment of gentle care, she moved up to sit next to where you were laying and put her hand to your cheek, a smile from you then, “that felt really good” you said, genuine, unable to make any jokes, she smiled back at you, her hand traveling down to your chest. she could tell from the way you were moving your legs a bit, from the slight restlessness, that you might not be fully done yet, a gentle tone as she asked, “do you want a bit more?”.

you were worn out but not to an unpleasant degree, and you did want to keep going, so you nodded, a hand on her arm, “yes. might need a bit of help though” you laughed a quiet laugh that made her heart melt, she was determined then, “I´ll give you all the help, don´t you worry, I´ve got this. come on, sit up for me” she gave your thigh a light slap and moved to the middle of the bed to kneel. “come here” she beckoned you towards her and didn´t have to say it twice, you mirrored her position and got on your knees too, right across from her, your hands on her shoulders for support. she looked at you, her hands on your waist for a second, “you wanna ride my fingers? would you like that, hm?”, she would never push you to do anything you didn´t feel thrilled about, so she made sure, but you were eager, “yes, please”, so she leaned closer and breathed against your lips as she put her hand to where you were still wet and slowly pushed two of her fingers into you, a gasp from you, a tightening of your hands on her arms. “you good?” she asked, “yeah, keep going”, you breathed, needy and desperate to feel her inside of you. Tess knew how to do it, she let you adjust to it as you felt yourself stretching around her, until she was knuckle deep and kept her hand still for a moment, so you could find a good position, a whining sound, a sighed “fuck..” as you slowly started moving. the thing that drove you insane almost immediately was that she wrapped her free arm around your lower back to hold you close and support you, that tender care she always showed even while dominating, a reassuring grip on you as you were face to face and you fucked yourself on her fingers, trying to see what pace to go at, your eyes shut, a deep ache at your core that was even more intense from all the stimulation you´d gotten before. you were still raw and it made her fingers slide in and out with an ease, the sensation of the hot, soft inside of your cunt, the wetness all over her fingers, enough to make Tess lose her mind too, her lips parted, her mind taken over by the thought “I´m gonna die from this, she´s too beautiful”. 

you threw your head back and found an angle that made her fingers hit you at the exact right spot, so you let her hold you as you moved your hips, that were sore by that point. she was cooing at you, her tone soft as she said “that´s it, keep going sweetie”, her fingers curling up inside of you to help you out, to hit your weak spot, overwhelmed by the dream-like feeling of having you so close, in that utterly vulnerable state, all hers to please and admire. 

you clung to her, a cry as you felt yourself lose all composure, “fuck, fuck, Tess” a kiss to your cheek from her then, whispered encouragements, “I know, shh, it´s okay, I got you, breathe”,  she could tell that you weren´t in pain but fully lost in the intense pleasure of it all, so she talked you through it and held you tight, her hand firmly between your legs, never moving away, letting you use her fingers however you wanted, your hips more frantic as you chased another orgasm, both of you at risk of thinking you were in love then, as you breathed heavy in unison and felt each other´s body heat radiating, smelled each other´s scent, a dizzying mix of being freshly showered but sweat-striken, a hint of sweetness to it, her lips on your neck, taking it in, kissing you where you had given her perfect access from leaning back against her arm, your head turned to the ceiling. 

“fuck I´m close” you sighed, followed by a serious of moans, which made her tighten her arm around your back, “good, I wanna see you cum again, pretty girl” she breathed, watching you intently, which gave you a final push, her intense gaze, her steadiness and strength as you took your hand and rubbed your clit to really finish hard, a mess by that point. the second climax was less violent but somehow deeper in your core, an intense shudder as you felt yourself clenching around her fingers and moved your hand away to hold onto her neck, your hips slowing down until you were truly exhausted and put your head on her shoulder for a second. she slowly moved her fingers out of you and wrapped her arms around your back to support you during the aftershocks, your limbs soft, your body hot, a content sigh, that made her rub her hands up and down and whisper, “you good now, hm? enough?”. you gave a tired laugh and peeled yourself away from her chest to face her, to give her a kiss, the taste of you still faintly on her lips. “it´s hot that you´d keep going, but if you did more right now I´d pass out” you said, which she took as a compliment, a pleased smile, watching you as you crawled back towards the pillows and slumped down onto your back, your eyes shut for a second, bliss written all over your face. 

Tess moved up from the bed then, to open the window next to her nightstand and let some fresh air in. during sex she´d never keep it open, but it was safe to do it when you were just talking, since the other cabins were far away and her bedroom window faced the forest. 

afterwards, she claimed the empty side of the bed, laying on her side as she looked at you, her finger tracing your outline, enamored by your post-sex glow, the relaxation and joy you excluded, the knowledge that she had it in herself to make you feel that way, the urge to do it all over again, as soon as possible. you felt similarly struck by your intense affection for her and reached out to take her hand, laying it on your stomach and turning to get a better view of her, her beautiful, strong physique in just her underwear, your leg draped over hers to have some skin contact. 

you both looked at each other then and shared a smile that said “what even is there to say right now?” because nothing seemed like a proper way to just start talking again after everything that had just happened, after your lives had drastically changed in just under an hour. 

“you want me to be obsessed with you, don´t you?” you asked, which made her laugh, a faux-bashful batting of her eyelashes at your admission that she was a great lover. “couldn´t hurt. I mean, now that I have broken my rule of not getting involved with anyone who works here, might as well do it right, go all in”. the way your face lit up when you realized what she´d just implicitly told you, was incredibly sweet to her, the apparent relief you felt over being special in that way, a bit of pride in there too maybe. you leaned closer to her then, “wait, really? you never did this before, ever?”, she shook her head, amused by your disbelief, flattered by your belief that she might be a bit of a player, “no, and that´s why I kind of lost my fucking mind this week, because I thought I was fine on my own but uh… turns out celibacy really isn´t for me after all.” that made you smile, “I´m glad I could help then” you joked, playing with her hair a bit, she nodded, a caress over your side. 

you both could have asked each other a million things then, but it was not the moment for that yet, you wanted to let your intimacy expand in that warm, dark room, to use the time you had in private for wordless affection, to bask in the glow of that first revelation as new lovers. 

your strength had come back, so you moved on the bed and got on top of her, your legs on either side of her thighs, smiling down at her, her hands on your waist, as you saw how much she liked having you on herself like that. “you´re killing me you know” she whispered, “am I?” you said, grinning, before leaning down and kissing her neck, a sigh from her, a moment of you  being in charge and making her feel good, before she grew too hot from the feeling of your lips and tongue on her pulsepoint and pulled you down, to have you laying on her, her arms firm around your back. the second she did that, you gladly surrendered, your cheek against her chest, the front of your body full engulfed in her warmth, a deeply soothing feeling, a soft gust of wind in the room, the faint sound cicadas outside, a moment that you wished you could live in forever.

she spoke, quietly, her voice low, “I wish you could sleep here”, a sigh after. you knew why you couldn´t of course, but you wanted her to know you also desperately wished you could stay, “I can´t?” you said, your tone dramatic, clearly overdoing it, which made her smile. she traced patterns on your back. “I mean, if you want me to lose my job, feel free to get caught leaving my place tomorrow morning”, that made you laugh, reminded of the fact that you were technically doing something that was considered scandalous and fucked up, even though it felt so pure and sacred. “oh I´d just take the fall for you, don´t you worry. I´d say I drugged you or something”.

Tess laughed, she loved having someone with her who matched her humor effortlessly, “okay easy on the savior complex, I appreciate the sentiment though. but we´ll just have to get creative, we´ll find ways, I will think of something”, you agreed, eager and emphatic, “yes, exactly. and sneaking around is kinda hot, isn´t it?”. Tess knew what you meant, it did add a layer of eroticism to it all, the fact that you´d have to restrain yourselves in front of others, “sure, yeah. a bit of torture, why not ”, you looked up at her then,“torture? that bad huh?”, she put her hand on your head, gently, ruffling your hair a bit, “yes. but then again, building up tension could be good. for you.” a suggestive tone, a sparkle of desire in your eyes, “oh I know. looking forward to it”. 

you moved up to kiss her then, which ended in her pushing your to the empty side of the bed to have some control again, a lazy, late-night kind of kissing that was slower than before, the tension already relieved, so you could just melt into each other and draw it out, sensual instead of aggressive making out, smiles in between, brief breaks for her to kiss your cheek or for you to kiss her shoulder, a familiarity to it that made it fee like you´d been together many times before. both of you had gone a while without intimacy, so you shared a kind of gratitude and wonder, a feeling of “oh right. this is what I was missing”, a sudden clarity about your deep need for another woman´s care, touch, attention. 

eventually, you both realized that it had gotten late, so you knew you´d have to go to her living room and get your clothes. before you could get up to leave the room though, she said “wait, I think I have something you could use”, remembering that you´d shown up in a thin tank top and that it had probably gotten a bit chilly out. you sat at the edge of her bed, still nude, and somehow fully comfortable, her bedroom a safe haven of sorts, the sound of the forest at night, the cozy vibe of the wooden furniture and wood beams on the ceiling, it all made it hard not to sulk over having to leave. 

she went over to her wardrobe and reached up to grab something, which gave you a moment to just admire the sight of her back, her shoulder blades, her hair falling down in beautiful waves. “here” she said, as she walked back over to you and handed you a shirt, “nobody´s ever seen me wear this, so, you can keep it”, a conspirative smile. it was a black oversized t-shirt, which was worn out in a way that made it perfectly soft to the touch, you smiled back at her and stood up from the bed to pull it over your head and see how it fell down your body. “look at that, perfect” she said, a nod of approval, very into the idea of you maybe wearing the shirt out and about in the coming days, everyone else blissfully unaware that it was hers. there was certain possessiveness to the pleasure she took in that image.

once you were in the living room again, you quickly went over to the couch and picked your own top up from the floor, while she left you alone for a moment and went over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. she stood at the sink and drank a full glass in seconds, realizing just then how thirsty she had gotten, and filled it up again after to come over and hand it to you. you took it and gulped it down just as fast as her, thinking about how nice it was, to experience a simple intimacy like sharing a glass with someone, she could have given you your own, but she opted for the romantic option, which made you feel hopeful. 

something about the way she treated you seemed far from casual or like you were a hook-up to her, it was somehow an unspoken thing between you, that you´d behave like girlfriends even though you weren´t, that you´d skip the awkwardness and guessing games and go straight into the depth of your affection, without fear or shame, without thinking “it won´t last, what´s the point”. there was a generosity in your connection, an immediate willingness to bear the uncertainty and potential heartbreak of being so into each other but so unfit for a proper relationship, there was no question about it, you would not ruin the joy you felt by comparing your affair to something conventional, you were both too glad to finally have someone you felt so seen by, someone you simply liked to be around, as much as possible. 

both you and Tess walked towards her front-door after you were done drinking, standing there, face to face, her leaning against the wall, you staring at her, quiet and unsure how to part ways. you wanted to go in for an embrace but weren´t sure if she wanted you to, which she could read in your body language, so she stepped forward and helped you out. she put her arms around your back and felt you relax immediately, your head in the crook of her neck, your hands on her lower back, a satisfied sigh, your eyes closed, as you said “fuck. I really don´t wanna leave”. 

she smiled, you could feel her nod, “and I don´t want you to. but, I will think of something for the next few days, we will have time alone again, I will go fucking insane otherwise, so”, you laughed then, you knew that she was strong-willed, so you trusted her to figure it out, besides, you had a few ideas of your own on how to be in private. you stole a bit more time with Tess by staying in her arms for a bit longer, not moving, trying to soak up the last bit of her warmth that you would get that night, until you let her go and put your hands on her shoulders to look into her eyes, deeply, with urgency. “I hope you can tell that this isn´t just some random crush or fling for me. I really like you, Tess”. 

it touched her that you were brave enough to spell it out, so she returned the honesty, a tender smile, “I can tell, yes. and it´s the same for me. I wouldn´t just do this for fun, I care about you, in whatever way I can or should. I just want you to feel comfortable, alright?” you put your hands on her face then, “I always feel comfortable around you. that´s why I´m here, I feel good with you”, the plain way you put that went straight to her core, she shook her head and laughed quietly, “okay, you need to go, or I will do something stupid and let you stay”, “well, I´ll go then. let you keep your job for a bit longer”, she nodded, “thank you. very generous. besides-” she pointed behind you at a small clock on the wall “you broke curfew. it´s 10:20”, a grin as she said this. “damn. am I in trouble now?” you joked. she shook her head while stepping forward and whispered “no, I´ll excuse it” before tilting your head back and giving you a soft kiss goodnight. 

you both braced yourselves for the separation then, she opened the door for you and felt a cool gust of wind rush into the room, goosebumps as you stepped out onto the porch and put on your shoes that you´d left there. the night sky was dark but a few stars were visible, the forest was both eerie and calming at that hour, it felt cinematic almost, how you both stood there and gave each other a longing last look. “goodnight, sweet dreams” Tess said, leaning against the doorframe the same we she had when she´d let you in earlier, that same confident stance, but a different expression, her feelings for you more transparent, no effort to hide anything anymore. “you too. see you tomorrow” you said, before tearing your eyes away and walking down the few steps to make your way back. 

the walk back was bittersweet. you wanted nothing more than to turn right back around and beg her to let you stay. you wanted to get under the covers with her and fall asleep in her arms and wake up in the middle of the night to find that she had her back turned to you and to wrap yourself around her and to to wake up the next morning while she was already in the kitchen making coffee. that would have been the dream. but, there was also something beautiful about having a moment to yourself, to process everything that had just happened, in disbelief as you thought: “she liked me all along. she wanted to kiss me. she wanted to touch me. she wanted to hold me. she wants to do all of it again. she´s mine, for now, she´s all mine.” you almost skipped the steps up to the cabin, giddy and beaming with love. you quietly let yourself in and found all the girls sleeping soundly, so you were careful not to make a sound as you walked to your room, that was located at the very back of the cabin. 

while you were doing that, Tess had decided against taking another shower because she wanted everything to linger. she left the glass that you´d drank from on her coffee table, she left the bag of candy right where you´d dropped it, the pillows exactly how you´d abandoned them when you´d gone to her room. every proof that she had of your stay, she wanted to preserve, at least til the morning, to remind herself that it hadn´t all been a dream. 

the thing that made falling asleep so heavenly for her that night, was that her bedsheets still smelled like you, not intensely, but enough for her to press her face against the fabric and breathe in with her eyes closed and her mind flooded with flashes of from before, the way you´d looked at her before kissing her, the way your hands felt on her back, the way you sighed for her touch. Tess fell asleep smiling, which was not a regular occurrence. 

it took you a while to fall asleep, but for once, it was because being awake was too good to cut it short. you laid in bed, in total silence, the moonlight shining through the curtains, and let your mind wander. it was that unmatched feeling of having such intense feelings for someone that you suddenly loved everyone and everything, out of nowhere, you saw the beauty in your situation, the utter luck you´d had with coming to the place you found yourself in, nothing but slow summer days and sun and fresh air and a life-changing connection ahead of you. 

Tess was an early riser, so the next morning she got up around 5:30 and went outside at 6:00 to take her usual walk around the camp grounds. 

she loved the solitude of it, the feeling of being the first one to greet the day, the knowledge that she´d notice if anything had disturbed the collective peace over night. it was a stunning start of the day, the sky a muted light blue as the sun rose and a light chill still hung in the air. she was in vintage levis jeans, and a grey t-shirt as she made her way towards the area where most of the cabins were located. she was lost in thought, until she saw something she usually didn´t see: a girl sitting on the steps up to her cabin. at first, she didn´t realize, but then she thought “that´s a bit too good to be true”, because it was you. 

you had slept for a good while but eventually you´d become restless and wanted to take a moment to just appreciate the sunrise on your own, similar to her, a dream expression as everything from the night before came rushing back to you, your arms wrapped around your knees, your head resting on them until you spotted her and sat upright. your bright smile gave away that you were just as pleasantly surprised as her to meet again so soon, neither of you had gone outside thinking it would happen, and it was clear from how you both struggled to mask your desire to just run up to each other. 

it was painful but also hot in a way, that you could not be too friendly in that moment because other cabin´s windows were facing you, you were out in the open, so you had to keep it cool. Tess walked close enough to balance one of her feet against the lowest step of the small staircase you were sitting on, giving you charged look while casually saying, “up so early, hm?”. you wanted to stand up and kiss her. she could tell, she was thinking the same thing. “yeah, couldn´t sleep for long. eventful night, much to process” you said, leaning back and watching her enjoy the subtext, “is that so?” her hands in her pockets, a smug expression, a nod from you, neither of you breaking eye-contact, the one act of intimacy you were safe to indulge in out in public. “and you?” you asked, “did you sleep well?”. 

Tess knew what you wanted to hear, “I did yeah. I was really worn out for some reason” a suggestiveness to the way she said it that made your cheeks flush, already eager to feel her hands on you again. you were both quiet for a second, then she spoke more earnestly, “okay listen-”, she said, which made you perk up and look at her expectantly. “I am driving into town later, and I wondered if you might wanna come with me? I could show you a good place for coffee, I have to buy some stuff, you could tag along, get out of this place for a few hours. just a thought”. she was presenting it in a friendly, unassuming way, like something she might just offer to anyone but you were aware of what she was actually saying “I thought about it and this is the easiest way to get a few hours of time together. complete privacy, out of everyoneone´s sight”. you didn´t expect her to come up with something like that so quickly, but you should have known, she was always a few steps ahead, always reliable and unlikely to disappoint. 

you were obviously all-in but you wanted to tease her for a moment, so you leaned back and eyed her with a smug grin, “I remember you saying that you don´t take people with you. no favoritism. no outside work bullshit, if I remember correctly”. she respected it, your cleverness, it turned her on frankly, to be messed with a bit, to be challenged, entertained, “well, I had a change of heart. and I do have a favorite, so, that is over anyway” a light nudge to your shoe from hers, a playful gesture she allowed herself, a second of letting herself be flirty. 

you nodded, “you´re taking me on a date then, hm” she immediately shook her head, waving her index finger in the air, “absolutely not. I´m your boss, that would be fucked up”.  you liked the game you were playing, it was somehow a good front for just how enamored you were with each other, but it shimmered through, “sure, strictly professional, got it”. 

Tess removed her foot from the step then and pulled her hands out of her pockets to stand more securely again, “I leave at 11:30 sharp, so, be in the parking lot by then” she instructed, “I´ll be there” you said, giving her a look that said “I wish I could touch you right now”, her returning it as you both told each other to have a good morning and that you´d see each other later. you watched her walk away and counted down the minutes already.

by 11:25 you made your way up the entrance of the camp and spotted Tess leaning against her car when you exited the gates. again, you couldn´t just go up and be sweet because you were still on the premises, someone could see, so you got into the car after she opened the passenger door for you and waited for her to join. she didn´t waste any time and started the car to pull onto the small winding road. you smiled and eyeed her as she pulled down the window a bit and put on the radio, waiting, patiently. the road was empty, and you were out of everyone´s sight by then, so you leaned over to her and distracted her from driving, your hands on her face to finally give her the first kiss of the day, hard and passionate because you had to keep it short, two brief feathery kisses after the proper one, before you let her go and slumped back into your seat. to know that you were still just as eager for her touch the morning after, that it hadn´t just been a late-night moment of weakness, stunned her for a second. it was still a touch surreal to her that you´d picked her of all people to shower in affection like that. 

she breathed out heavily and gripped the steering wheel hard to make sure you were safe, a grin on her face, her cheeks flushed, a glance over at you where she found you looking all happy with yourself. she reached out to touch your thigh then, a gentle caress followed by a squeeze, her eyes back on the road, “I think I don´t mind the whole sneaking around thing if this is what I´ll get from you”. you put your hand on hers, “oh that was nothing. I don´t want you to crash the car so I held back”, she nodded, aware that you weren´t bluffing, that you probably would have climbed right onto her if you could´ve. “sweet, very thoughtful.”

you closed your eyes for a moment and enjoyed the breeze coming in through your window but were ripped out of that relaxed state by a sudden buzz buzz buzz from your phone. it had connected to service again, and you hadn´t bothered to get internet access yet, so the notifications from the past days came popping up on your screen. you pulled it out of your back pocket and Tess took the opportunity to tease you a bit,“girlfriend tryna reach you?”, her tone low. you laughed, “oh yeah, sure”, and held out your phone to her to make her see the unspectacular nature of your lock screen: two messages from your phone provider, one from a college group chat, and one from your mother that was already a few days old, nothing more.

she took a brief glance at it before looking back at the road, a grin before she said, “well, that´s a bit pathetic, isn´t it?”, clearly not actually degrading you, still, you threw her a faux-offended look. “oh let´s see your phone then, miss, I don´t think I have much competition either” she nodded, amused by your attitude, you were right of course. “sure. looks like we ended up like this because we´re both lonely and desperate, huh?”. 

you both knew it wasn´t true, you´d have been into each other, even if there´d been other people you were talking to, but it was fun to mess around, so you said, “exactly, two losers”, both of you smiling to yourselves smugly then as you watched the trees passing by, the forest getting thinner as you neared the town. 

the drive wasn´t too far, so about fifteen minutes later she pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. before moving to get out, she looked in the rearview mirror and tried to do something with her hair, to put it up. 

it reminded you of that first time you´d seen her in her office, a loving sound to your voice when you said “your hair is very pretty by the way”. it made her smile even though she was struggling with her hair tie, unsure if she should put her hair up all the way or only half. “thank you. I really don´t love it right now, though.” that gave you an idea then, “should I braid it for you? you wanna have it out of your face, right?” you asked, which made her pause what she was doing. 

Tess knew how to braid her hair but she wasn´t gonna say that, she liked the idea of having you do it, so she agreed, “okay, yeah, sounds like a good idea”. 

you told her to get out of the car because it would work better if you could stand straight behind her, so a few seconds later she was facing away from you as you gently pulled all of her hair back, taking a moment to just feel it soft in your hands, brushing it with your fingers to make sure there weren´t any knots in there. you could tell that she loved it, the sensation of what you were doing, so you took a bit longer than necessary, to part her hair into three even sections, the sound of her barely suppressing a sigh too delicious to speed to process along. 

you diligently braided her hair in a way that was not too tight, that would give it a slightly messy look, the way she usually wore it, carefully tying it together at the bottom and giving her an order for once “turn around”. it made her smile, she didn´t mind being bossed around a little, even though that was more her style. once she faced you, you pulled the braid to the front, a move that charmed her, and reached up to add a finishing touch, making her hairline look effortless and natural by pulling two face framing pieces out of the braid, a satisfied look to you then. 

“yeah. you look good, suits you” drawing out the “good”, which made her laugh, her hands on your shoulders then, “I could get used to that you know” she said, her expression soft and content, you smiled “I have more where that came from. could give you a proper massage or something”. she raised her eyebrows, her hands still on you, “well, I think I know where that would lead”, you shrugged “and?”, you were bold, yet again, and it did feel good, but she wasn´t gonna fold that easily, “and.. I´m not gonna be on the receiving end so fast”, you didn´t buy it, that she wasn´t into the idea at all, “no?”.

Tess insisted, “no. I´m the giver here, for now”, you felt like pushing her a bit, “damn. I thought I could persuade you. you dont wanna see me on my knees, no?”, she peeled herself away from you then, afraid she might flush from that way of phrasing it, “easy” her tone a bit stronger than,“you do hm, you´d love it”, you liked seeing her a bit flustered, “okay you had your fun here, we should go now” an intense look from her then that made you surrender, still, you were smiling, “I´ll bring it up again eventually, see if your feelings might have changed”. Tess just shrugged it off “sure, you go ahead and try”. secretly she was turned on by it, the feeling of having someone that eager to please her, and she knew you´d have no issue being used by her in a way, to let her have control even when she was the one unraveling, she did feel a heat from the image of you begging to touch her, have her, taste her, it could be really hot she thought, to draw it out, to watch you confess how much you wanted it, the pleasure of returning the favor for her. “we have the whole summer” she thought, “we´ll have some fun”, already dreaming of what you might get up to.

the vibe in town was peaceful and slow, the sun not too intense yet but the light golden and ideal to give the few stores a flair that gloomy weather would have made impossible. the walk to the cafe wasn´t far, so a few minutes later you were ordering your coffees, her paying for both of them as you looked around the room at the few other guests, the rustic but somehow very comforting interior, the windows all open to let fresh air in, a smile permanently frozen on your face because it felt good, to stand in her shadow, to feel what it would be like to be her girlfriend, the casual intimacy of going out for breakfast together. 

eventually, you both took your places at a table near the door as she slid a plate over to you, saying “here, eat” while pointing at the pastry she´d gotten, aware that you had only had some fruit earlier that morning, unwilling to let you remain hungry in her presence. 

the vibe between you then was sweet and charged with intense infatuation, there was a feeling on both of your parts of “I desperately wanna know more about her but I also don´t wanna bore her with obvious stupid questions”, so neither of you asked the big existential things like “tell me about your parents” or “what was your childhood like” or “what are you scared of”, but got into a rhythm of asking more specific questions that seemed less intense but naturally lead to a discussion that was exciting, that gave space for you to reveal some things that the other might be amused or entertained or touched by, her dropping some things about her wilder years when she still lived in a big city, when she did shit that you could not compare to any of your stories, you confiding in her about how it was to finally move away from home, how your first months at college went, how you settled in, the better moments, the darker ones too. 

there was a contrast to both of your lives, not just because of the age difference, that made it easy be fascinated by each other, to keep wanting more information, to try and get a full picture of who you were so enthralled by, it was a rewarding and enjoyable task, to sit there and look at each other, to pay full attention, to smile and be charmed by each other mannerisms, as you let certain aspects of your personalities shine through, that most others didn´t often get to see. 

at one point you asked her “be honest, what did you think of me when we met? I had no idea, couldn´t tell, at all”, which she used only one word to answer “hot.” a grin as she said it, while leaning down to take a sip of her coffee. at another point she was telling you about some of the previous summers, lore about the place, including one of her less composed moments that others had told you bits and pieces about already, when a male worker had gotten a bit too friendly with the teenage girls, which ended in her smacking him so hard over the head he almost lost consciousness. it almost got her fired, had the other workers not testified that he was in fact a creep and had to be let go. 

she liked the way you smiled when she talked about it, like you were eager to see it first-hand, her rightfully putting someone in their place with a little violence, or more than a little. “well, I think it´s cool, I could´ve used someone like you in my younger years” you said with a look of approval after she told you all that, which she didn´t press on about, unwilling to let herself get riled up by past stories of men being inappropriate with you, still, it was a nice feeling, to know that you weren´t turned off by her intensity, by her unwillingness to shrink herself or make herself more demure or feminine to appease others, whatsoever. 

neither of you noticed the time passing as you had already finished your drinks because you were so at ease and lost in conversation, you taking her hand in yours for a moment while she spoke, her sometimes leaning back in her chair to watch you with her arms crossed, the kind of attention that always got to you, both thrilling and soothing at the same time. Tess quickly grew to love it, that you never seemed nervous or unsure with her, the way you reminded her of a cat basking in a patch of sunlight whenever she made a point of letting it shimmer through in her eyes, that look she got when she was into someone, a quiet intensity about it that made you feel warm and open whenever you felt her gaze on you.

eventually, she knew it was probably about time to get going, but as she leaned forward then, she had an instinct she couldn´t suppress, her palm flat on your thigh, an immediate change to your breathing as you stared at her then, your lips parted, a delicious shock to your system as she moved her hand up and down a little, caressing you in a way, while pretending she had no idea what she was doing. “shall we?” a nod of her head towards the door, her hand still right where she put it, a reminder of the night before, shamelessly using it to her advantage, how easily affected by her touch you were, drinking in the sight of you growing desperate for more. you placed your hand on hers then, shaking your head, thinking “you started it, let´s finish it then”, “not yet, we should go freshen up, right?”, your tone not hard to interpret, a slow nod from her, something like respect in there, “always the quiet ones hm” she whispered to herself as you both got up, still in disbelief over how into her you were, that it wasn´t just a light crush born out of boredom but genuine desire. 

you were the one to close the door behind yourself, and someone else might have grabbed you the moment you did that, but Tess reliably just stood there, patient, waiting for you to give in first, again, which you did, unable to put up a composed front, a quick step toward her to grab her face and pull her in for a deep kiss, a few seconds of restraint from her until she took charge and pushed you back against the door, finally, as close as you´d been dying to be all morning. both of you were clumsy with your kissing for a moment out of sheer need, breathing into each other´s open mouths for a second before continuing, working each other up, on purpose, an immediate heated mix of embracing, making out, and feeling each other up, her knees brushing up against yours, both of you frantically trying to dissolve any boundaries between your bodies, that thing of early stage infatuation where no amount of touch is ever enough, her hands under your shirt, pushing it up to grope your chest, yours on her back, her skin warm and soft as you let your fingers slide to her sides, right above her hips, holding onto her as you felt her thigh between your legs, that shared feverish bliss of being new lovers, faint stifled “hmm” sounds as you kissed, your tongue against hers as the kissing slowed down and turned more sexual, closer to the kind of kissing that happens before getting on top of each other, far from anything you could ever do in public. 

because of you, Tess remembered how fucking divine kissing the right person felt, how easy it would be for her to spend a good while doing just that, she would find a way to have you over and just make out to build up tension until one of you would cave, drawing it out to see how pathetic you´d both get with it, how you´d maybe end up just finishing from grinding against each other. 

for a good two minutes you did your very best to leave each other breathless and flushed with your clothes out of place. you were still obsessed with her scent, just like the sound of her heavy breathing, and the feeling of being in that enclosed dark space with her, her body flush against yours, the vibe of something akin to sex that you got from your wandering hands, the movement of your hips, doing something you shouldn´t be doing but would again and again, turned on by it all, the way you were both suppressing louder sounds and holding back the urge to undress each other.

Tess had an idea of how she could see you fold a little, she was usually sparse with her words, with confessions, she preferred subtext, but in that moment, she wanted to be bold, to catch you off guard, so she leaned in, right next to your ear, her voice husky and low as she whispered, “I want you all over my mouth again. have you sit on my face.”, an immediate violent rush of heat to your core.

“oh, yeah?” you sighed, quietly, which gave away how easy it was for her to render you weak, she knew she had you exactly where she wanted you, eager to hear her say more, your hands clinging to her shirt. she kept her mouth close enough for you to feel her breath, her hands slipping into your shorts then, the space between the fabric and your thighs, your heartbeat quicker, “hm, wasn´t long enough last night, I kept thinking about it after, your taste, couldn´t sleep”, she said after a moment of silence, a labored breath from you, a sound close to a whimper that made her push further, “you think you could last long?”.

“yes.”, you´d let her turn you into a mess, she could take however long she wanted, you wanted her to. “think you could finish just from head more than once?”, another nod, “yeah” you knew that with her you could, easily, “hm, I´ll try my best next time then”, she gave your face a brief kiss, “won't have to try too hard” you said, a smile from her, “no?” she tilted her head, one hand on your cheek then, her thumb brushing over your lower lip. 

you had an idea then, “here, you didn´t even touch me and yet” you guided her other hand into your underwear, her fingers to where they got slicked up from the wetness that had gathered there, her eyes wide for a second as she felt it, “jesus… just from kissing me? you´re a fucking dream, huh”. she was clearly not used to it, being wanted that badly.

you sighed, your breath hitched, your hands on her sides, she was just moving her fingers a bit but got the feeling you might be in for more. she knew you couldn´t take much longer in that bathroom, she knew they´d get suspicious or pissed off, but Tess had to know, “could you.. right now?”, “easily” you said, convinced, already basically halfway there.

“really?”, she asked, moving her fingers up to your clit, a convinced nod, a light moan from you, a pleading tone,“give me a minute of that and I´m done”. she took the challenge, impressed by your forwardness, turned on by it, “okay then, show me”. she looked at you as you shut your eyes and leaned your head against the door, fingernails digging into her arms as you held onto her, her hand between your legs, a fast movement of her fingers over your clit, savoring the feeling of your arousal, a hunger in her, the desperate need to find a way to eat you out again as soon as possible. you bit down on your lip to stay quiet but she was giving you exactly what you needed, the kissing had gotten you so worked up that it didn´t take long of her jerking you off to make you finish, her left hand over your mouth, a cocky smile as she watched you have an orgasm that was satisfying but not violent, the kind that  was perfect for the middle of the day, quick but sensual and romantic in a way, a sweet release. 

she stared at you from up close when she took her hand away, “god, you´re so pretty”, a few more touches from her until she stopped and watched you open your eyes, a tired smile, a sudden move that made her crumble completely: your hand reaching down for hers, so you could pull it to your mouth lick yourself off her fingers, her voice pained almost, “okay, I´m losing my mind here, we have to go”

there was a bi-weekly farmer´s market in town, that was a large part of why Tess kept up her routine of driving there about at least once a week. the one clear advantage of being in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by land, was the fresh produce that she´d have no access to in the city. the market wasn´t too big, about a dozen stands, but every single table looked enticing in its own way, strawberries and homemade jam, various shapes and sizes of tomatoes, jars of honey and other condiments, fresh pastries and bread, you let her take the lead since she clearly knew most people there, friendly smiles thrown her way or a “the usual?” when she approached the vendors. 

anyone you spoke to, man and woman alike, made a point of being sort of flirty in a polite way with you, giving you a few things to try since you were a new face and they clearly wanted to win you over, and Tess felt smug as hell witnessing all that, thinking “if you knew why she´s actually here with me”, whenever someone seemed charmed by you. she felt a sense of pride over the fact that she of all people was the one who you were focused on. she made you pick between a few choices, she enjoyed it having someone there with her for once, letting someone else make the decisions, asking you “this one or that one?” when deciding between two options. it felt domestic and couple-like almost, so you gladly helped out, until you both walked away, sharing a piece of the fluffy sourdough bread that had just been baked a few hours earlier, a shared sound that bordered on a moan as you both nodded at each other in approval. 

you asked her if there was anything else worth showing to you, and she almost said “no” before she thought of something and lead you down the street. there was a used bookstore that she sometimes stopped by when she was in town by herself, and she had a feeling you might like it, the slightly shabby but charming atmosphere, the endless rows of obscure books with the occasional gem here and there. 

the elderly woman at the back of the store thankfully just gave a brief hello and a nod and left you to it as you looked around, both of you quiet for a moment as you scanned the shelves for something interesting. it felt like you were somehow outside of the world, in a little space where nobody could reach you, the smell of aged paper and dust and the old building creating a deeply comforting atmosphere, it felt like time had briefly stopped, like you were hidden away from everything, so without any hesitation or fear of “is this too much?” you used the moment of peace and the to proximity to her, to lean your head against her shoulder, not because you were tired but because you felt so at ease and wanted to go slack for a moment, your eyes closed, a deep breath out, as you felt the fabric of her shirt under your cheek. 

for a moment Tess just stood there, frozen, because she was not prepared for a random show of affection, one that was so undramatic and soft and yet so intimate, she knew then that she was already far gone, and she tried her best to not think about the inevitable heartbreak of parting ways at the end of the summer, she tried to stay present and to soak it up, so she didn´t say a word, didn´t break the sacred feeling of it, and put her arm around your back, her hand on your side, to pull you closer and let you stay like that for a moment, suppressing the instinct to whisper “my sweet girl”, scrapping the word “my”, saving it for later down the line when it would be less insane to call you hers, even though she could feel it, that for the time being, you were. 

eventually, after briefly getting lost in the feeling of being patiently held by her, you peeled yourself away and said “okay, how about you pick one out for me and I pick one for you?”, a nod from her, “okay, deal”. 

a few moments later she pushed a book into your hand with the comment “here, this should be right up your alley” a grin that gave away that she was fucking with you, an eye-roll and a shove to her side from you after you read the blurb, a god awful straight romance.“okay haha very funny. I was being sincere you know” she laughed, “not your thing? no?”, so you played the same game and handed her a book in return, a dry tone as you said “well, this should be your thing, I think”, some old novel from the 50s about a guy having a fucked up affair with his young assistant, but she wasn´t bothered,  “sure, sounds hot”, a shake of your head, a suppressed smile, “go and find me something good now” you instructed. 

you both did end up finding something rather fitting for the other person, leaving the store with the promise to underline and annotate your favorite passages and swap them once you were done, to see what the other person had thought. “guess I was romantic all along” Tess thought, when she realized how good it felt to not just date women in a strictly sexual way, to allow herself the pleasure of going out together and sharing her routine with someone. she´d walked those streets countless times, seen the same buildings again and again, and yet, the light that day seemed different, everything had a new shine to it, she looked at everything more generously, and it dawned on her how much she´d been missing out on, by telling herself that neutrality was the best thing to aim for, that a life completely devoid of surprise and change would be wisest for her. it seemed a bit too good to be true, that she was being rewarded that intensely for giving into her attraction to you, for a few seconds that day she had the feeling of being in some prolonged dream, that something would come and rupture it, but nothing came, you were there, next to her, and wouldn´t go anywhere for the next few weeks. 

before getting back in the car, she leaned against the facade of the building next to where she´d parked, while you leaned against the passenger door, her smoking a cigarette while you pretended to be doing something on your phone, but quickly abandoning all that to watch her instead. it didn´t go unnoticed, a “what?” from her as she felt your eyes all over herself, a shrug from you, a smug smile, “nothing. you just look hot”. 

she had one of her feet up against the wall, a relaxed and confident demeanor, her natural way of excluding security and strength, a sight that never got boring to you, she smiled, slowly exhaling in a way that she knew looked good, “your vision okay, sweetie?”, she joked, since she was still a bit unsure why she of all people was the one you were eyeing up and down the way you were, hungry in a way. she was not used to it, at all, being that overtly flirted with, pursued by someone, so it overwhelmed her system during those early days at times, to feel herself be the object of your desire in such an obvious way. still, she was a bit cocky after all and felt comfortable with playing her coolness up a bit to watch you falter, she wasn´t entirely devoid of vanity, so she let you look at her however you wanted while she finished her cigarette and already wondered about how and when she´d next be able to get her hands on you, to make good use of all the need you clearly had for her, to reward you for the way her body had been woken up and infused with vitality by your attention. 

instead of going to her side of the car she walked over to you, her eyes fixed on yours, and took your face in her hands, gently, and the look you got in your eyes then, the way you leaned your head back, so she could run her fingers through your hair, that instant surrender to her touch, it all made her feel violently tender for you; she could tell that you wanted her to kiss you and that you didn´t expect her to do it in public, but the street was empty, so she took advantage of her position and leaned in to kiss you right next to your lips, her hands still at the sides of your face, a lingering kiss, a gentle one, a rush as you felt her show this soft side of herself to you, her, the woman who was so often described as intimidating and tough, using her strength to show you a kind of affection that nearly got a few tears from you.

just as she pulled away, a breeze swept through the street, a perfect mild gust of wind, both of you closed your eyes instinctively to properly feel it, the early afternoon sun just right on your skin, not burning but soothing, a moment of pure bliss as you pulled her back in to feel her lips against yours, trapped between the car door and her body, no place you´d have rather been, the faint taste of smoke as she returned the kiss, Tess turned on by the fact that you didn´t seem to mind at all, that you seemed to like it, judging by the way you kept kissing her until you both pulled away and smiled, shy and pleased, unsure how to process all the intense feelings you were bringing up in each other. 

her hands slid down your body then, to your waist, her tone low, a bit cracked from the adrenaline, “you know.. ´m not big on airing out my feelings, but, you should know this has been really lovely. haven´t had a day like this in a good while” she was downplaying it, you could tell, but it wasn´t time for big confessions yet. “me neither. I´m really glad you let me come”. she grinned, her hands on your back to pull your hips against hers, “such a generous boss, aren´t I?” you put your hands in her back pockets,“oh for sure. easiest work-day of my life, I´d say”. “well, let´s see. might add some shit to your work load later. exhausting stuff”, you grinned“I´d hope so”. 

on the drive back, you were both quieter than before and you without meaning to, you dozed off with your head leaning against the window.

Tess knew that falling asleep, or drifting off, the way you had in that moment, was a sign of a certain level of trust, and it warmed her heart, that even after only knowing her for about a week, you already felt that way around her, safe to not be fully conscious, to rest your head against the window and let the movement of the drive lull you into a relaxed state of being. she drove slower than she usually would have, to glance over at you every once in a while, to see the way the sun was hitting your neck, the shadows it was casting onto your face, a sudden desire to reach over and caress you, to pull over somewhere and wake you out of that state with a light kiss to your face, a moment of sleepy tenderness, she wanted to hear a faint laugh from you as you realized what she was doing. you didn´t realize it when she parked her car, didn´t get woken up by the stopping of her engine, so Tess decided to just sat there for a few minutes, instead of immediately telling to wake up. 

she felt a sense of possessiveness in that moment, born out of her instinct to protect and shield, she loved having you in her car, to be in charge of your safety, to see you with your limbs slack, fully relaxed and taking deep slow breaths, unguarded and vulnerable, with only her there to watch over you. it wasn´t obvious, because you were good at not explicitly mentioning it, but Tess could tell from certain things you mentioned off-handedly, or certain subjects you purposely avoided talking about, that some memories were still weighing on you, even though you were presently in a good place; she could tell during certain moments where you thought that weren´t being observed, something about your face, your eyes when you were lost in thought, that your way of dealing with everything so calmly stemmed directly from your resilience in certain inescapable situations you´d been put through, had been made to survive through without breaking. 

Tess knew she was predictable that way, that it wasn´t anything new, the fact that she was not built for casual attachment, that the idea of “we´re just having fun” was a foreign one to her; the moment she cared about someone, she had the natural instinct to take on a responsibility for the other person's sense of safety, not in a belittling or condescending way, she was well aware that someone like you was more than capable of handling their own shit, but she wanted you be able to put down your heavy feelings in her presence, like a bag you could leave at her doorstep and forget about while she was around. the desire to be that person for you wasn´t born out of the belief that you were easy to break, but that you should have at least a bit of experience with what I feels like to have a place where your resilience would not be tested, where the softer part of your heart could be exposed without any threat of bruising.

she couldn´t think about it all for too long, she was getting too intense about it already, she was aware, but still, she made a mental note to herself, to make it clear that it wouldn´t be burdensome at all, if you wanted her to listen to any of it. 

Tess felt a deep need to have you with her for longer, she hated the idea of parting ways again, of sitting around and waiting for the next moment you´d get alone, she wanted to take you back to her place and make you lay down in her bed and rest there while she read or just sat there next to you, the window open, the intimacy of a warm afternoon spent in private together, but she knew she couldn´t do that, she knew she couldn´t just walk through her front door with you in the middle of the day while people were all around, at least not without finding a good excuse first. 

for about five minutes she just sat with her back against the driver door and watched you, a mix of intense feelings swirling inside of her, not just desire, but other things too, a tenderness, a feeling of affection that was so far from anything she usually felt, so much so that she felt herself almost welling up, Tess of all people, the one everyone looked to for unwavering strength, moved to tears by the simple sight of a girl sleeping next to her. she thought “funny, how long you can go without something, until it´s there and you realize how badly you´d wanted it all along.” she might not have sat down at night and thought “I want a lover” but that didn´t mean she hadn´t always had that dream, the dream of feeling something again, of being stunned into a state of openness, after shutting herself off from the world for so long. she found herself thanking however had had the good instinct to hire you, to pick you, to send you her way, she wasn´t spiritual, but she did feel blessed or looked after by some force in that moment. 

until she realized what time it was and got herself to finally place her hand on your shoulder, shaking as softly as possible, which made you sit upright again, to open your eyes and try to mask your obvious sleepiness. 

“you could´ve woken me up” you said, slightly embarrassed, but she shook her head, “no, I´m not in a rush here” a grin, “besides, you look cute sleeping”. you cocked your head as willed yourself awake, “well, you could see it more if you let me stay the night” a batting of your eyelashes, she wasn´t immune, “maybe we can do something about that. I´m gonna think about it”.

both you and Tess got out of the car then and as you walked back towards the camp, she said, “you know, there´s this outdoor film thing later, and it´s not mandatory, so I doubt anyone would care or notice if you and I both happened to skip it. for all they know we could be doing god knows what on our own.” you glanced at her from the side, “oh, so I can come over later?” in slight disbelief over how easy it seemed. Tess nodded,  “yeah, I´m asking you to. and don´t eat too much at dinner, I´ll make you something”, that got your attention, a lovestruck vibe to you then as you said, “yeah?” and studied her face to make sure she was being real. “yes, I didn´t ask you for your preferences earlier just to make small talk”. of course, she was always thinking ahead “you´re kinda spoiling me you know.” you mused, she protested, “hardly. this is bare minimum I´d say”, you shrugged, “to you maybe, but not to me”, she threw you a playful look then, “raise your expectations then, hm.”. you smiled, amused by her, “okay, I will.”. 

Tess nudged you in the side then, “make me work for it a little” she teased, “sure, I can do that. but I´ll find a way to repay you for all of that, of course”, you said, a suggestive tone, she nodded, “I´m sure you will”. 

you were both quiet for a moment, walking through the gates and gauging the vibe, thankfully it wasn´t crowded because it was a Saturday and everyone was free to do whatever they wanted during the day, which meant that during noon most of the kids were indoors, sleeping, relaxing. 

Tess reached into her bag and tapped you on the shoulder, “here, take this”, she was holding out a ripe peach, one of a few that you´d picked out before. you took it in your hand and felt the soft fuzzy skin, “thank you, I will find a place in the shade, eat this, and think about you. that´s my plan for the rest of the day”. she was almost pissed that your overly romantic way of saying that, clearly eager to get a reaction, worked that well on her, a frustrated shake of her head, a smile, a hint of irony to her tone “perfect”. you stared at her then in a way that said “and you?”, so she gave in and nodded, “you want me to say it out loud, huh? that I´ll just be waiting to have you back?”, “yes, I do” you said, fully earnest, which hit a soft spot inside of her, the part that liked it, when someone didn´t make her guess about their love, at all. “clearly I will be doing just that. you did a number on me, in case you couldn´t tell”, you did know that of course, “we can just drive each other insane then” you joked, which she agreed with “yeah, I think that´s what´s gonna happen here. I´m not complaining though, to be very clear”, “me neither” you said, just as she let out an audible groan and said “god, what the fuck does he want now”.

you followed her gaze, you were back on the camp grounds by then, approaching the main area, and saw that one of your co-workers was making eye-contact with Tess and came walking in your direction. her open disdain made you laugh and nudge her in the side, “come on, lighten up a bit, he´s already scared of you, I think”. “good. I don´t need him to cozy up to me” you were amused by her lack of patience for him, compared to the limitless kindness she showed you, it made you feel like you were her partner who had to keep her in check, who had to remind her that not everyone was turned on by her intimidating aura. “okay, well, I will go deal with that, and you go relax. I´ll expect you by 6” she said, a warm smile towards the end of the sentence, a touch to your arm, that nobody would read as romantic, but that still affected you, the way any small gesture of hers could. you nodded, giving her a light touch too, “okay, I´ll be there.”

when you parted ways, both of you felt it, that no temporary distance could ever take away from the joy of having each other. it seemed like a beautiful thing to you, to spend the following weeks doing separate things during the day, but to always be aware of each other´s presence near, to always have each other to return to, to know that regardless of whatever stress or frustration you might face, you´d be able to look forward to relaxing into each other´s embrace again sooner or later. it was a kind of relationship that was hyper-specific to your circumstances, the kind that was too sacred to ever share with anyone, the kind that was invisible to other even though it had changed the light of your life, a softer, gentler feel to it, the way the sun hit your face, everything around you. 

both you and Tess knew it, without a doubt, that you had a summer ahead of you that no other would compare to. it already seemed like a memory that you´d look back at and think: 

“how did I get that lucky? how did she just enter my life like that? so quietly and gently, and yet, so capable of changing it beyond recognition.”

[jeon-ify]

that night : j. yunho - pt. 1

a/n: this is my first actual fic since i’ve just been posting scenarios and requests :3 !! this idea came from listening to ‘you broke me first’ by tate mcrae. its a great song and it reminds me of yunho but toxic yunho. it would kinda be good if you listen to the song while reading !! idk girl i just write

genre: smut, drama, early 20s- mid 20s romance, toxic/dark romance, 18+

warnings: smut, dark romance, toxic!yunho, yunho has a threesome with y/n’s best friends, yunho is a cheater, reader swears a lot, yunho calls reader a psychotic bitch, san is a druggie, alcohol, cocaine, yunho begs, yunho gets sad and guilty, reader claims she moved on, san is annoying as hell, wooyoung is readers bestie!!

“san! i haven’t talked to you in so long, i’m sorry! how have you been?” your phone rang, you look to see that san called you about 20 times. you’ve been ignoring him, since he’s done almost every drug under the sun in the past year since you all have moved to different cities.

“man I called you 6 times. stop playing dumb. yunho’s asking about you again, please call him back. i’m sick of his shit.” san sniffles sharply. you’re sure he’s doing crack again, but when is he not?

you did not want to hear about yunho. you haven’t heard about or seen him in almost 4 years now, recovering from that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~

you call yunho, in hopes that he’d pick up. you left him a voicemail asking if he’d want anything from target when you were off work tonight.

*hello!! it’s yunho, sorry i couldn’t take your call. leave a message and i’ll call back!*

“i’m gonna stop at target, babe. did you want anything? love you, call me back.”

you finish your target run, grabbing a set of shampoo and conditioner and other necessities as you’ve been out of your favorites for a week now. you step out of the car, grabbing your bags and unlocking the door to yunhos apartment. you didn’t live with him, but you practically did since you were there almost every day of the week.

“~yuyu, fuck its so good! so big!” “you fuck us so good oh my god.”

“you’re both so fuckin’ pretty. my god.”

no fucking way.

your heart dropped to your ass, at a loss of every word in the dictionary. you felt like you were being run over by a truck 100 times over.

it felt like every moment with yunho was flashing at once.

he told you he loved you a million times a minute, you thought you were the only one. you thought that yunho would love you and only you, but how could you be so stupid to trust anyone else again?

you walk to where the noise is coming from, tears flooding your eyes, threatening to fall. the door is cracked a little, you see a pile of black hair and red hair mixed, one on top of the other. one of the girls has a tattoo on her wrist while the other has one too— it looks all too familiar.

one tattoo being a moon, the other being a sun.

your best friends.

you want to cut off the star tattoo on your wrist so fucking bad. how could they ever betray you like this? they never approved of yunho, but he’s inside both of them, fucking them on your shared bed. in your (what was once) home.

you didn’t even want to acknowledge the situation, instead you dropped the target bag at the door of the bedroom, leaving as soon as you could.

hours later, yunho calls. no answer.

you stare as your phone rings.

*32 missed calls from yuyu 🫶🏻✨*

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: hey, sry i didn’t call back. where’d u go?

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: babe?

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: y/n, pick up the phone.

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: not funny.

Read at 12:43AM

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: ur reading my fkn messages but ur not answering n its pissing me off

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: alr whatever lmao dnt pick up.

Today at 5:21AM

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: i cnt sleep, thibkin about yoj

*2 missed calls from yuyu 🫶🏻✨*

you watch your phone ring, waiting for the ringing to stop. your tears flow, deciding to call him back.

“baby? my fucking god, i mis-missed you. *hiccup* had me worried sick.” he slurs. he’s fucking crying.?

“you’re a fucking liar. my best friends? you’re drinking, you piece of shit. and you’re fucking crying?”

“relax, they’re not your best friends and i know that cus they did that to you, plus me and you baby, we don’t belong to each other. been wanting to leave. felt so fucking locked up. you won’t let me do what i want, you controlling fucking psychotic bitch.”

what the fuck.?

you watch the time on the phone call increase as he mumbles what you really meant to him.

you feel like you really did trap him, but you both didn’t agree on a poly relationship. for him to fuck your best friends is an insane thing to do to someone.

you end the phone call after 57 minutes of yunho talking about how much he fucking hated you for never letting him fuck your friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“i’m never talking to that piece of shit again and never bring him up to me. i have things to do, i’ll text you.”

you hung up the phone after 35 seconds.

you’ve grown past the situation with yunho, healing and becoming a better person. you were single, traumatized from your past relationships being a burden on you. but, your best friend wooyoung always supported you through and through. he wanted what was best for you, even though he introduced you to yunho. it wasn’t wooyoungs fault that yunho had fucked up (or was already fucked up), he just wanted to help you find someone. you had your own apartment, your own car and your own lash studio. you were booked for days on end, always working and being your own person.

but, with healing comes pain.

you’d occasionally think about yunho, how he’d pamper you in gifts and he’d take you anywhere you wanted. you thought about the nights that you’d cried to him, he’d hold you in his warm chest, making sure you were held and you didn’t feel alone. you sometimes still toss around in bed, thinking yunho was next to you, on your right side. you’d still bake matcha and white chocolate cookies as if he’d eat them with you, a reminder that you loved yunho— as your love language was baking— and every time you see those cookies, your heart begins to ache.

you pick up your phone and text your best friend, as he’s the only person you go to for anything.

—————-

to: woo 🧍🏻‍♀️

y/n: bitch get up

y/n: r u awake yet

y/n: GET THE FUCK UP BRO ITS AN EMERGENCY

y/n: if ur not up in the nect 5 minutes i’m calling the cips

y/n: next *^ & cops^*

y/n: man i just need to talk 😩 san called me

*seen*

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: girl what the FUCK

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: did u call the cops yet

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: is the cop hot

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: bitch WHI CALLED

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: im calling u rn answer

your best friend calls you in no less than 3 minutes after your series of texts.

“why is san calling you? what’d he want?” wooyoung asks, concern masking his voice.

“woo, i just started feeling like i finally moved on from all that bullshit. he fucking calls me like ‘oh yunho wants to talk to you’ and i’ve been dodging yunho for fucking ever. i know he’s been calling me but-“ you ramble to him. he cuts you off, questioning:

“did you ask him what he wanted from you?”

“it doesn’t matter because im over it and im over fucking everything. its all bad news and i don’t wanna go down that hole again, woo. if you’re so curious ask him yourself. i don’t care and i honestly don’t wanna know.”

“okay. i won’t ask.” wooyoung says in defense. he has a sixth sense, and his sense is telling him that maybe something is wrong with yunho, or maybe he wants to try to give you the closure you deserve. though he already gave you closure— just not the kind you expected from someone you’ve loved for 6 years.

but a part of you really wanted to know why he called. a little portion of your heart still aches for yunho, but you’re healing, remember?

the phone call ends after small talk, and you stare at yunho’s contact info for 7 minutes. you open messages and read the last message he sent you. you have him blocked, but you know it’s his number.

May 19th, 2021 at 3:21AM

*You have new messages from (***)***-**** *

(***)***-****: baby, i’m so sorry.

(***)***-****: you won’t ever forgive me, but i’ve changed. my star, my love, my moon, my sun.

(***)***-****: i can’t sleep anymore.

(***)***-****: i’ll leave you alone, okay?

December 10th, 2022 at 1:21AM

(***)***-****: i can’t live without you.

(***)***-****: it’s been so fucking long

(***)***-****: js need to see ur face. keep staring at the same pic but it was so long ago

(***)***-****: my messages are green, why are they green?

(***)***-****: i met someone today, his name started with an M but i can’t remember what his name was

(***)***-****: he’s helping me heal. ik i don’t deserve to heal but i wanna be better bc u deserve better

(***)***-****: i wanna be the one for u my love

(***)***-****: i fucked up but pls believe me when i say i’ll change for u bb

(***)***-****: i’m going to sleep, goodnight my angel

January 8, 2023 at 7:08PM

(***)***-****: everythibg remjnds me of u baby

(***)***-****: ur everywhere i go

(***)***-****: ur everything i see

(***)***-****: mingi won’t let me live diwn what i did to u

(***)***-****: i deserve to fucking die

(***)***-****: i really lost u

Today at 10:32PM

(***)***-****: i still miss you, my love.

(***)***-****: want you to carry my children and be in my life forever.

(***)***-****: i’ve bettered myself. i’ve changed, please let me see you again.

*seen*

shortly after you open his book of messages, your phone rings.

*2 missed calls from (***)***-**** *

———————

you watch your phone ring twice, your heart dropping 6 times over, you didn’t think he would be this bad about it, but maybe he aches for you the same way you ache for him.

maybe yunho is sorry. maybe he changed and maybe he wants to be with you again.

your phone rings again, the same phone number showing up, as your shaky hands press the green button.

silence. the first 8 seconds is silent as yunho tries to process and come up with what he’ll say to you.

he tried calling you for 3 years on end, you’d blocked him. he was so used to your voicemail being the only thing left of you to heal him.

“h-hello?” there it is. the voice you refused to hear for almost 4 years, its there. it’s no longer only in your head, it’s his voice on the other side of the 7 inch screen against your ear.

his voice makes your stomach twist and turn, your hands sweating as your chest forms a hole within itself.

“you don’t need to say anything, just listen to me, hm? you can hang up any second you want, but if your heart still aches for me the way mine does for you, you’d listen.

my love. i’ve ruined you and tore you to shreds. i don’t even know where i begin. you are the most precious thing that has ever happened to me. the minute you entered my life, i took you for granted and fucked up. i didn’t realize how much i loved you or how much you meant to me until you left. that night is a blur to me, you didn’t deserve any of that. you deserve to be treated like royalty, you deserve to be treated in the most beautiful and enchanting way because that is how you made me feel. but i went and fucked that up for the both of us. i didn’t mean what i said to you. i was drunk but that’s no excuse to talk to you the way i did. it’s not right. it never was.

the only time i ever find myself doing right is when i beat myself up for doing you wrong.

i stay at the same apartment, san comes over and does whatever he needs to do but i haven’t touched a drug since you left me. the minute you left was the minute i decided to better myself. mingi is helping me be the person i want to be for you. my god, i hate myself for everything ive done to you. i’m not asking for your forgiveness, i know you won’t give it to me. but i want you to know that i still am here and i still love you. i love you better and i love you the way you deserve.

are you still with me, y/n?”

he breathes. you breathe. you finally breathe.

“i- yunho. i don’t know how to feel about any of this, you really hurt me and i can’t trust anyone anymore. you fucked my best friends, in our room. i don’t even know why i even looked at my phone or why i even answered san when he called me. i’m doing better, but you calling me again is really making me feel like i’m falling down that hole again.” you try your hardest to not let him hear you grow weak to his confession. his heart caved in, and his stomach grew empty when you’d brought up his mistake.

“i understand. i won’t push or do anything to make you uncomfortable. but, i want to have coffee with you, or one of us can come over and we can talk about this, hm?”

you sigh. you felt like all the healing and all the self care you’ve been doing is going straight down the drain.

but do you wanna listen to what he has to say?

“i’m free tomorrow afternoon. but i can’t stay long.” is all you say. you don’t wanna keep this conversation going, nor do you even want to talk about this at all. you are growing selfish; only wanting to see yunho because you miss the attention you used to get from him.

“as long as i get to see you, its okay. i look forward to talking to you, y/n. been waiting forever. is 4:30 fine with you?” he sniffles and lets out a calm chuckle from within his throat.

he’s aching just as much as you are.

“yes. goodnight, yunho.”

“goodnight, star.” that nickname. the same nickname that dragged you into his lore. he speaks lightly. the phone call ends and he sounds like an angel, making your head spin and your heart confused.

you don’t know whether to trust yunho again because, maybe, he is sorry. maybe he wants to make things right with you.

for the rest of the night, you cannot sleep. you don’t decide on going tomorrow, you really don’t want to face yunho after what he did to you. after 4 hours of tossing and turning, rereading texts from yunho, drinking water, and listening to nothing but the buzzing in your ear, you finally manage to get sleep.

—————————————————————————————

first fic!! yay!! i know yall are gonna hate yunho because what he did to y/n is trash and ass and all of the above. i hope you guys start to understand yunho further in the story. idk what im gonna do with this fic but i hope i come up with part 2 in a timely manner cus i dont want it to be dragged lol. but!!!!!!!!!! i hope you all like this fic just as much as i HATE it 😋

[ot9snumber1]

craving

son chaeyoung x reader

summary: you never understood why chaeyoung refused to show you her sketches until you find her sketchbook on your desk. warnings: smut, thigh riding, fingering, degradation, perv!chaeng notes: let's pretend this hasn't been in my drafts for months... dedicated to my favorite @nr1chaedickrider <3

———

"wait for me, chaengie! i just need to grab my keys!" you yell at chaeyoung, who was already halfway through the front door by the time you dash back to your shared room.

a loud groan can be heard, and you only chuckle at the response. you nearly burst into the room, but you don't rush to find your keys.

you think to yourself, why the hell did i take them up here when there's a place for it downstairs...? but there's no time to have thoughts when your roommate is already yelling at you to hurry.

"y/n! come on!" you hear, imagining chaeyoung's pout accompanying her whiny voice. "you promised me we'd be early tonight!"

you scoff, poking around a little bit faster around your desk. your eyes eventually land on the keys, and you whisper a little hell yeah! as you pick them up.

you're about to go back down, until you see the sketchbook your keys were previously on top of. it was chaeyoung's, for sure. you were aware that she's an artist, but you never really get to see her art.

chaeyoung didn't like showing her art. to you.

her friends have talked about her art a lot, even showcasing different shirts and knickknacks that chaeyoung had designed for them. it always made you feel a bit jealous, why is chaeyoung so protective of her art around you?

it was wrong to look at someone else's sketchbook without permission... but you've been chaeyoung's roommate for two years and been her friend for even longer, you feel like you deserve even a glimpse into her artistic mind.

you flip through the pages carefully and your jaw drops. her art is beautiful! why had she been gatekeeping it this whole time? the whole world deserved to—

oh!

you're being dramatic. drawing naked figures are completely normal! chaeyoung's just studying anatomy for sure. sometimes studying the human body requires putting them in provocative positions, of course.

...

she really likes anatomy, huh? you don't even know how she comes up with the positions the figures are in, you haven't seen her bring a girl home in forever! you chuckle at your own thoughts to ease nonexistent tension.

...

okay, maybe it's a little weird how the drawings are starting to look a bit too familiar. you try to convince yourself it's just chaeyoung improving as time goes on, but your eyes can't help but notice that you and the figures are starting to share the same hairstyle, same body type, eye color, facial features, even down to the body hair?

you also can't ignore the elephant in the room. those hands. there are two pairs of hands accompanying each figure, always groping their tits or fingering them or choking them or—

was chaeyoung really drawing you?

you decide to just forget about it. maybe you were seeing things? still, you felt weird about it, and maybe a bit turned on by the fact your roommate had a very vivid imagination.

you close the sketchbook with a long sigh, turning to leave but freezing when you see chaeyoung in the doorway. she looks just as surprised as you, color drained from her face.

the two of you just stare at each other.

"did.. did you get the keys?"

"were those drawings of me?"

you ask at the same time, and chaeyoung feels lightheaded. you were never meant to see that sketchbook! she doesn't even know when she left it on your desk.

neither of you speak for a moment. you were waiting for her response, not letting her get away from this scot-free.

chaeyoung wanted to lie, to forget about this and move on. but where was the fun in that? it's not like you slapped her in the face for obviously drawing you being fucked over and over again.

"so what if they were?" chaeyoung says confidently, crossing her arms. "why, you liked them?"

you pause, taking your time to actually think about what you felt. it was definitely weird and maybe creepy that she was drawing you naked. on the other hand, it meant she'd been thinking about putting you in those positions.

you must have been taking too long to think, because chaeyoung takes your blush as a sign and traps you against your desk. she leans in close to whisper, "you wouldn't mind skipping the movie and staying home to help me draw, right?"

you felt unsure, so you just shook your head. chaeyoung frowns, "aw, come on. i'm sure momo and jihyo wouldn't mind watching without us."

"plus, we were going to be late anyway."

"i thought you wanted to impress jihyo?"

you both stare at each other again. chaeyoung's eyes were dark, it made you uneasy and horny at the same time. "i've got more important things to be doing than impressing her now."

you raise an eyebrow. "me?"

chaeyoung blushes, her 'cool' act dropping immediately. "...yeah." she nods shyly. you chuckle, she was being incredibly adorable—but it wasn't what you wanted from her.

"only if you recreate what i saw." you whisper, bravely putting your finger under her chin to make her face you. chaeyoung's smile grows, the lustful glint in her eyes returning.

"i can do that."

—

you're gagging on two of chaeyoung's fingers as she presses her clothed thigh against your bare pussy. "you look so pretty, all slutty for me." chaeyoung chuckles when she sees your arms jerk as your wrists strained against the cloth she tied behind your back. "you'll tire yourself if you keep doing that." she hums, making you huff.

you desperately wanted to tug at her hair, leave scratches on her back, anything—but she decided that you were being a brat prevented you from doing so. if you weren't desperate for your release, you would've protested her decision entirely.

the way she bit her lip as she looked you up and down got you even more wet—you were sure her jeans were ruined by now. your movements grew erratic, nearly putting chaeyoung in a trance.

"god, you're such a whore. you don't even care that i've been drawing you while you slept." she snickers, removing her fingers from your mouth. all you could reply with was a moan.

maybe you should care. but does it matter when she replaces her thigh with the fingers you were choking on seconds ago? not really.

the ring on her finger brushing against your folds made you wince. the cool metal feeling so delicious against your wet heat. "fuck—fuck, don't stop." you beg, making chaeyoung chuckle.

"so needy." she mumbles, her fingers working in and out of you at a quick pace. the sharp gasp you let out when she pinches your nipple combined with the lewd sounds of your cunt made her own underwear damp.

"and so cute." chaeyoung adds, pulling your shirt all the way up and making you bite down on it to keep it there. "you like it, don't you? the fact i've been spying on you?"

you nod, almost looking pathetic in your roommate's eyes. chaeyoung's grin grows as she curls her fingers in you and makes you scream. "don't worry, baby. i won't stop anytime soon."

the way your thighs closed around her wrist as you came all over her hand gave her the biggest smile. "what a good girl." she coos, kissing you as she helped you come down from your high.

you ended up calling jihyo to tell her you couldn't make it. the reason she heard was that chaeyoung got sick suddenly.

sick with lust, maybe. the way chaeyoung had you bent over your desk confirmed that neither of you would be stepping foot outside of this room for a long while.

[homeofthelonelywriter]

Your lips | Epilogue

(A/N) Here is that epilogue. Hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Simon x fem!pregnant!Reader

Warning: mutual pining, medical stuff (nothing graphic), mention of scars, pregnancy, kissis, birth and everything it entails

Synopsis: Your baby is here. How will your life turn out.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Epilogue

“Heard someone is getting ready to go home?”

You looked up, smiling at John who was standing in the doorway to your hospital room. He was grinning from ear to ear as his eyes fell on the little bundle of joy in your arms.

“We sure are. Simon is filling out all the paperwork right now, he should be back in a few.”

John nodded and walked up to the bed you were sitting on. He sat down next to you and peered at your daughter who was sleeping.

“Oh look at her, precious little thing. She healthy?”

You nodded, your eyes returning to your baby girl, gently stroking her little soft cheek.

“She is perfect.”

John nodded but quickly got to his feet when Simon entered the room.

“Love, I need to put in her name here. Have you decided yet?”

Once he spotted John, he nodded in greeting before focusing his attention back on you. You smiled up at him, before looking back at your baby. Love swelled in your heart as you took in her features.

“Annie.”

You looked up at Simon, taking in his expression. His eyes were wide in surprise before they relaxed and the skin around them crinkled as he smiled at you.

“Okay.”

With another glance at you, he left the room and returned to fill out the paperwork. John just looked at you confused. He had never seen his Lieutenant so soft.

“It’s his mother’s name.”

John’s eyes widened before he nodded with a smile.

“Good choice.”

A few hours later

“She’s finally out.”

Simon looked exhausted as he walked into the living room. He had just spent the last hour or so rocking your baby to sleep. You tried to tell him that you could do it, but he insisted, wanting to spend some time with his little girl. The second he called her that, you knew that you would spend the rest of your life with that man.

Instead of responding, you just opened your arms in a silent invitation. And like you suspected, he immediately laid down, resting his head on your chest. Your fingers immediately started combing through his hair, softly scratching at his scalp.

“I love you.”

He raised his head to look at you, a soft smile on his face.

“I love you too, Si.”

A few years later

“She’s finally out.”

You chuckled, Simon saying the same thing every time he’d finally get your daughter to go to sleep, ever since day one. Within a second, you felt his arms wrap around your waist and pull you back into his chest. His lips quickly found your neck as he started trailing kisses up and down.

“Simon.”

You were laughing, reaching back with your still-wet hand, from doing the dishes. He just hummed against your skin, a smile spreading on his face, as you gently pulled at his hair. You needed to get his attention before his charm pulled you under.

“Si, wait.”

He kept going, so you quickly spun around in his arms to stop him, smiling when he grumbled in annoyance.

“There is plenty of time for that later. I need to tell you something.”

He reluctantly let go of you, giving you the chance to turn off the faucet, before grabbing his hand and pulling him into the living room, where you quickly sat down on the couch, pulling him with you. Once the two of you were sitting, you started to grow nervous, not sure how he’d take the news. Sure, you had been talking about it for a bit, but it was never a serious conversation or anything like that.

“Love? Where’d you go?”

He reached up and gently stroked your cheek, pulling you back to reality.

“I’m sorry, I…”

Simon’s eyebrows pulled together in a frown, concern starting to show on his face.

“Are you okay?”

You nodded, swallowing and taking a deep breath before looking him in the eyes.

“I’m pregnant. It’s still early, but I just found out yesterday, and-”

“You’re pregnant?”

You nodded, not sure what else to do.

“You sure?”

You nodded again. Then there was silence for a few moments and you started to grow nervous. But then Simon jumped to his feet, pulling you up as well before he picked you up and spun you around.

“You’re pregnant. You’re pregnant!”

You started to chuckle, all anxiety leaving your body as you looked into his overjoyed eyes. He kept spinning you, until you gently slapped his shoulder, asking him to stop as you were starting to grow nauseous.

Simon set you down for a second, before pulling you into a tight hug. You returned the hug, smiling against his chest as you felt his lips against your hair.

“I love you so damn much.”

“I love you too Simon. More than I ever thought possible.”

You kept holding each other for a few moments before Simon spoke up.

“It they’re a boy…can we call him Tommy?”

You smiled up at him.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Please consider reblogging and following me! It helps a lot!

Call of Duty - Masterlist

Master-Masterlist

Tags: @brinteylovesaliens @m3ntally-unstable @gingergirl06

Like what you're reading? Buy me a coffee!