#god forbid solomon ever find out

[hallowxiu]

i have a headcanon that my oc can stomach solomon's food, only for the fact that they're a simp, and don't want to hurt his feelings. they just keep a magical spell on themselves at all times whenever he's near that protects the lining of their stomach and temporarily disables their tastebuds LOL it's exhausting but it's helped them improve their magic

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

All Kinds of Trouble

Alfie Solomons x Reader, Fluff, 1.2k words

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: Hi guys!! Ok so maybe hiatus is over? I'm trying to be gentle with myself and not hold myself to high standards in posting schedules. Again, therapy and Bar prep are a lot to handle rn, but I was able to do this little piece! This is based of a request sent in by my sweet friend @jassiefayee !!!! I hope you enjoy this angel!! Anyway, love you all so much! Have an amazing day!

Alfie didn’t find peace in many things. The business and all. Made him toss and turn at night, and in the daylight caused him to explode from the pure idiocy of people around him.

But walks in the park with Cyril? Now that gave him peace. With Cyril by his side, anyone who may have wanted to cause trouble stayed far away. Cyril’s imposing stature and mean looking face kept many men looking to scrap at bay, but little did they know that Cyril was by far the sweetest dog in Camden. And the fresh air did Alfie good. Being out in the park, feeling the breeze, hearing children and birds milling about created a sort of temple for him. A quiet place for him to let his mind rest, talk to himself (or God if he had a particular question), or just hum to the beat of Cyril's paws on the ground. This was his rest. This was his peace.

Now it should be noted, that one of the reasons that Alfie loved this particular park was that it was free of distractions for both him and Cyril. While Cyril was a very sweet and good natured dog who hardly ever caused an unnecessary ruckus, he was still a dog. And dogs have this strange habit, if not fantastic ability, to completely change the course of their owner's life.

So it was during a brisk walk on a fine November day where Alfie was suddenly pulled with all the force of heaven’s angels by Cyril’s lead through the park. And just as quick as he was yanked he was halted, nearly tripping over his boots and coat, and falling into Cyril and what might possibly be one of those treacherous angels.

It had become a relatively new habit for you to take a few moments of your day to sit in the park. Whether strolling, reading, or simply listening to the music of the city, you found the meditative state you entered in the park particularly divine. Spending all day cooped up in the house was not doing anyone any favors, and your mother insisted that you look at the sky, breathe in fresh air, or do something to get your energy out. And you enjoyed the respite from your family’s eyes and ears, and the view you caught of other people’s comings and goings. Often making up stories for the familiar faces that passed your eyes.

You had seen Mr. Solomons and his a dog before. It was hard to miss them. Both imposing. Even if Mr. Solomons wasn’t physically too tall, the air in which he carried himself made him seem absolutely monstrous. And the dog he walked along with came with a silent stature to match. When you mentioned to your mother that Mr. Solomons frequented your park, she all but forbid you to go to the park again. He was dangerous. A brute. Nothing good was associated with him. He was an animal. Damned.

Everyone in Camden had a story about Mr. Solomons. Even if they personally had never met him, they knew someone who knew someone who had crossed his path and suffered greatly. Fewer than those who crossed his path, were the women who had the pleasure of spending an evening with him. Demanding. Particular. Incredibly cross with hardly a smile crossing his firm mouth and creased brow. You had heard them all, many a time. And each time you heard the stories more fantastical and gory and outrageous they became. From the way the neighbors spoke of him, he might has well been an ogre who ate good men for supper. A confidant of the devil himself.

Yet those stories never deterred you from letting your eyes wander over to him when he made his way to the park. Surely observing doesn’t damn one’s soul right? And wondering if stories are true surely cannot condemn. Besides, he was never close enough to truly make a difference. A glance and gaze and thought were all that you experienced with the fearsome King of Camden. Until this afternoon, when that monstrous dog came charging at you with a gleeful and slobbery smile. And for whatever reason you never moved from your seat. You stayed planted on your spot on the bench, waiting for whatever was to come. And your supposed attack was merely a disgusting kiss to the neck and chin from the dog, and happy pants from it as well. It’s master, cursing and bellowing at hundred pound puppy who was uninterested in the threats of its flustered master.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the reddened face of Mr. Solomons, clearly out of breathe from the exertion of the sudden chase. “Mr. Solomons are you quite alright? Do you need to sit?”

“Hmm? No, no don’t worry about me angel, m’fine. This damn dog knows better than to run full force in a park. You alright love? Hope Cyril didn’t scare ya.”

You smiled warmly at him, and he was convinced he must have died in the chase and gone to Heaven. Your sweet eyes and tempting lips all too pretty to be here in Camden. You scratched Cyril’s ears before answering, "Oh no Mr. Solomons, I'm fine. Cyril here is very very sweet."

"Now treacle, I think I'm at a disadvantage. Don't like that at all me. Now how is it yeah, that you know my name and now my dog's name... but I don't get to know your name sweetness?"

With a quirked brow you answer, "Oh Mr. Solomons, everyone knows your name. The ferocious King of Camden, and his demon dog. Lots of tales about you Mr. Solomons.”

Alfie allowed himself a smile at your cheek, “Lots of stories eh? Which one is your favorite?”

“The one where you bested the devil himself in a game of chess and won the keys to hell.”

Alfie made himself comfortable next to you on the bench, making sure that his thigh touched yours, “Is that so? Your mum tell you that little one?”

You shook your head, “No sir. She told me I wasn’t to go near you.”

“And yet here you are, talking to bad men. Tsk tsk tsk. Naughty ain’t you?”

“It’s fun to be naughty sometimes. Don’t you agree Mr. Solomons?”

Alfie couldn’t help but bring his shiny rings to your cheek, taking stock of your face. You never flinched away, keeping fiery eyes locked on his. He hummed a tune you didn’t know, and stated, “There’s an opera tonight at 8. You’ll come with me. Wear something nice.”

“I don’t go to operas with strange men.”

“I don’t go to operas with strange women. Yet here we are sweet. I thought you liked being naughty.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his brazenness. In truth, you couldn’t believe you allowed yourself to get this far. But it was too delicious to let go now. “You’ll pick me up on the corner of 10th and Victoria? At 6pm.”

“Now what will I do with you for two hours before the play treacle?”

You shrugged, “Show me how the King of Camden has a good night.”

Alfie laughed heartily, “Fuck me you really are a bad little thing aren’t you. Alright sweetness, I’ll pick you up there at 6. And let’s see what we can get up to.”

[everalii]

Random Hogwarts Legacy Boys Headcannons

Just bc I wanted! I'll post one for the girls later

♤ Sebastian Sallow ♤

• doesn't play quidditch, but was very good at it, much to Imelda's dismay. She fought hard to blackmail convince him to join the team, with no success;

• Is a night owl by heart, and if it wasn't for Ominis at Hogwarts, and Anne at home, he would lose much of the morning. However, feels he lost the day if he wakes up around midday;

• Has an expansion charm on his trousers pockets, makes it easier to smuggle some books from the restricted section;

• He'll never admit his feelings for MC, but still didn't realized his feelings for her are way too explicit. He can't shut up about how brilliant she is, Ominis can't stand to another night of his rambles about her. MC and Sebastian are clearly the only ones oblivious to his feelings;

• He and Solomon had a good relationship before he went to Hogwarts. His uncle taught him fishing and gardening, and that it a very fond memory for him. Another reason of why he resents his uncle so much;

• Hates the fact he is the spitting image of his father. Despite having a good relationship with his uncle before, Sebastian truly believes that his uncanny resemblance of this father is one of the reasons his uncle can't stand him;

• Is a fiery Sagittarius, his birthday is on december 14th.

♤ Ominis Gaunt ♤

• Plays piano like a god, almost like the keys are an extension of him. He pours his soul when playing, and makes everyone fall in love with his skill;

• His mother is desperately trying to stay close to him, sending many letters, begging to professor Black to ask Ominis to talk to her. But he couldn't forgive her for forcing him to torture muggles, and she's not sorry for it;

• Is hopelessly in love with Poppy, but doesn't know how to even start a conversation. Sebastian finds out and they make a bet on who will marry first (remember this is 1890-1900);

• Despises crowded spaces for obvious reasons, he can't distinguish the sounds and he gets dizzy, might even throw up. Someone must save this boy and bring him to somewhere peaceful, please;

• Is a romantic by nature. You may think Sebastian is flirtatious, but Ominis' simply a natural! The first date with Poppy, arranged by MC, ended with "It is much of a regret not being able to admire your face right now" Poppy turned red as phoenix feather;

• Has a sweettooth. You'll find him in the kitchens stealing cakes and candies, and he always have one in his pockets for when he gets anxious or overwhelmed;

• Is a lovely Gemini, born in May 30th.

◇ Garreth Weasley ◇

• His love for potioncrafting begun when his mother fell ill, and a St Mungus' potionist crafted a potion for her in front of Garreth. When his mother recovered, he knew that was exactly what he want to work with;

• Is a social butterfly, and is on for any gossip you may hear. Him and Cressida always have the hottest gossips;

• One may think that professor Weasley favours her nephew, but is quite the contrary. She demands and exceptional behavior from him, and grounds him for literally anything. But he loves his aunt very much;

• Adores to sing, but is very keen about it. His Gryffindor friends always get him drunk enough to sing. Garreth is the life of the parties;

• Is very aware of the uncanny resemblance with Sebastian, and boy they do take advantage of it. Isn't uncommon for them to trade school uniforms and transfigure their haircolor to avoid detention or enter locked spaces such as the restricted section or Sharp's office. Garreth even saved Sebastian's pittyisome grades in Potions once, and ever since, professor Sharp begun suspecting;

• Secretly fancies Anne, and may Merlin forbid anyone to discover. Was very preoccupied when she didn't showed up in the 5th year, asked his aunt casually and he's trying to figure it out some potion that might cure her curse;

• The boy is a proud Pisces, born on april 3rd.

◇ Leander Prewett ◇

• Oh, he's a bullied bully. Being the 4th son of the Prewett family, he tried to find a way to get attention, and unfortunately, it wasn't the best way. But he has a good heart, trust me;

• And he's trying! He's not an excelled student, but he tries very hard, he just haven't found what really makes him shine;

• Was once very close to Amit, but in his quest to become popular, being friends with the boy obsessed with the stars stained his record (in his mind, because no one actually cared). Amit was very sad for their strained friendship;

• Is incredible at linguistics, the boy can speak any language possible, and secretly loves to study foreign languages. Professor Ronen always praises him for his perfect pronunciation in Charms;

• His older brother is his greatest inspiration, as a very famous auror working abroad in France. Leander trully wants to excel in every subject that will make him a great auror, just like his brother;

• He did apologized to Zenobia for his bullying in his 7th year. Little did he know that she found that way too adorable for her own sake and pride;

• He despises astrology, as the good Aquarian he is. Leander was born in february 9th.

◇ Lucan Brattleby ◇

• the mind behind Crossed Wands is a highly skilled duelist. Before MCs arrival, he and Sebastian held the second and first place respectively. Their rivalry and friendship was well admired;

• His greatest dream is to become the head of the auror department, just like his grandfather once was. He thinks that he will eventually fight with Sebastian for that post, little did he knew that his friend is not interested in the auror career;

• Oh, if Sophronia knew how much he fancies her... He's the only one that truly listen to her trivia for hours. Lucan actually studies for her quiz, only to make her proud of him;

• Is definitely Professor Hecats favourite in his year. She decided to tutor him by the end of the 6th year;

• Loves creatures, you can see him petting the Puffskeins and Kneazzles in Creature's;

• Here comes another problem for Madam Scribner... Out of the 5 times he broke in the restricted section, she caught him twice. "I was just looking for a book about offensive spells", she swears she heard that before...;

• This is one a spicy Scorpio, born in october 30th

♧ Amit Takhar ♧

• We know he's interested in gobledegook, but after Lodgok, he never touched a book of the language. Poor thing;

• Much yo Everett's dismay, Amit owns a broom! And he's a very good flier, despite his insecurity. MC and Everett are helping him to trust his own skills;

• Still misses Leander very much, but wouldn't accept his apologies, he's very proud and knows how to stand his ground when needed;

• Amit's family came from India during the Regency Era, and he visited the country a couple of times. He's not very fond of the heat, but the night sky stole his heart, the many stars he has never seen... Breathtaking!;

• He follows rules, but breaks into the Astronomy Tower way too many times for professor Shah liking. However, she was very torn to send him to detention or not. She did, twice, to make him learn to follow the rules. Needless to say it didn't work until she threatened to lock him away from the astronomy tower;

• Loves to watch quidditch matches. He considered the tryouts for the Ravenclaw team, but he was way too scared of the bludgers (and I totally agree with him);

• He's a sweet capricorn, born in January 16th

♧ Everett Clopton ♧

• The best flier in the school, sorry Imelda. But since he doesn't own a broom of his own, he never got the chance to beat the Slytherin captain;

• Professor Kogawa pity him, and considered gifting him anonymously with a broom, but she's too correct. If he gets a broom, she must give one to every child in the school!;

• Is a prankster by nature, but can be cruel sometimes. Teamed up with Ominis once to lock Duncan in the Puffskein cage. A very gruesome friendship between him and the Slytherin was formed that day;

• He's an incredible artist as well, every single one of his parchment is covered with drawings. The professors tend to scold him for it, but secretly adores to see his drawings thriving. Professor Weasley encourages him to keep with the hobby;

• Was the first to perfectly cast a corporeus Patronum in DADA during the 6th year, besting Sebastian and MC. His Patronus is a deer. (SORRY, he's my Hogwarts Legacy version of James);

• Still tries to get Imelda off her tracks with his pranks and teasing, and she loses every time. He loves to have her attention, and understood why close to their graduation. Officially started courting her a few months after Hogwarts;

• Another Sagittarius, but this one was born in december 2nd.

Another boy to make headcannons? Lemme know :)

And sorry for any mispronunciation, english is not my first language

[neil-gaiman]

How Did you come up with the first eve in the story about adams wives? I haven’t been able to find anything about her after I read it and I want to know if she’s an actual biblical character or just someone you made

She's from the Midrash. I learned about her as a 12 year old, from my barmitzvah teacher. There was a point in there, long after I'd put her into Sandman, where I was starting to think I'd imagined her, when I ran across her in Robert Graves's Hebrew Myths....

Excerpt from: The Hebrew Myths by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai (New York:  Doubleday, 1964), pp 65-69

Chapter 10: Adam's Helpmeets

(a) Having decided to give Adam a helpmeet lest he should be alone of his kind, God put him into a deep sleep, removed one of his ribs, formed it into a woman, and closed up the wound, Adam awoke and said: 'This being shall be named "Woman", because she has been taken out of man. A man and a woman shall be one flesh.' The title he gave her was Eve, 'the Mother of All Living''. [1]

(b) Some say that God created man and woman in His own image on the Sixth Day, giving them charge over the world; [2]  but that Eve did not yet exist. Now, God had set Adam to name every beast, bird and other living thing. When they passed before him in pairs, male and female, Adam-being already like a twenty-year-old man-felt jealous of their loves, and though he tried coupling with each female in turn, found no satisfaction in the act. He therefore cried: 'Every creature but I has a proper mate', and prayed God would remedy this injustice. [3]

(c) God then formed Lilith, the first woman, just as He had formed Adam, except that He used filth and sediment instead of pure dust. From Adam's union with this demoness, and with another like her named Naamah, Tubal Cain's sister, sprang Asmodeus and innumerable demons that still plague mankind. Many generations later, Lilith and Naamah came to Solomon's judgement seat, disguised as harlots of Jerusalem'. [4]

(d) Adam and Lilith never found peace together; for when he wished to lie with her, she took offence at the recumbent posture he demanded. 'Why must I lie beneath you?' she asked. 'I also was made from dust, and am therefore your equal.' Because Adam tried to compel her obedience by force, Lilith, in a rage, uttered the magic name of God, rose into the air and left him.

Adam complained to God: 'I have been deserted by my helpmeet' God at once sent the angels Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof to fetch Lilith back. They found her beside the Red Sea, a region abounding in lascivious demons, to whom she bore lilim at the rate of more than one hundred a day. 'Return to Adam without delay,' the angels said, `or we will drown you!' Lilith asked: `How can I return to Adam and live like an honest housewife, after my stay beside the Red Sea?? 'It will be death to refuse!' they answered. `How can I die,' Lilith asked again, `when God has ordered me to take charge of all newborn children: boys up to the eighth day of life, that of circumcision; girls up to the twentieth day. None the less, if ever I see your three names or likenesses displayed in an amulet above a newborn child, I promise to spare it.' To this they agreed; but God punished Lilith by making one hundred of her demon children perish daily; [5] and if she could not destroy a human infant, because of the angelic amulet, she would spitefully turn against her own. [6]

(e) Some say that Lilith ruled as queen in Zmargad, and again in Sheba; and was the demoness who destroyed job's sons. [7] Yet she escaped the curse of death which overtook Adam, since they had parted long before the Fall. Lilith and Naamah not only strangle infants but also seduce dreaming men, any one of whom, sleeping alone, may become their victim. [8]

(f) Undismayed by His failure to give Adam a suitable helpmeet, God tried again, and let him watch while he built up a woman's anatomy: using bones, tissues, muscles, blood and glandular secretions, then covering the whole with skin and adding tufts of hair in places. The sight caused Adam such disgust that even when this woman, the First Eve, stood there in her full beauty, he felt an invincible repugnance. God knew that He had failed once more, and took the First Eve away. Where she went, nobody knows for certain. [9]

(g) God tried a third time, and acted more circumspectly. Having taken a rib from Adam's side in his sleep, He formed it into a woman; then plaited her hair and adorned her, like a bride, with twenty-four pieces of jewellery, before waking him. Adam was entranced. [10]

(h) Some say that God created Eve not from Adam's rib, but from a tail ending in a sting which had been part of his body. God cut this off, and the stump-now a useless coccyx-is still carried by Adam's descendants. [11]

(i) Others say that God's original thought had been to create two human beings, male and female; but instead He designed a single one with a male face looking forward, and a female face looking back. Again He changed His mind, removed Adam's backward-looking face, and built a woman's body for it. [12]

(j) Still others hold that Adam was originally created as an androgyne of male and female bodies joined back to back. Since this posture made locomotion difficult, and conversation awkward, God divided the androgyne and gave each half a new rear. These separate beings He placed in Eden, forbidding them to couple. [13]

Notes on sources:

1. Genesis II. 18-25; III. 20.

2. Genesis I. 26-28.

3. Gen. Rab. 17.4; B. Yebamot 632.

4. Yalqut Reubeni ad. Gen. II. 21; IV. 8.

5. Alpha Beta diBen Sira, 47; Gaster, MGWJ, 29 (1880), 553 ff.

6. Num. Rab. 16.25.

7. Targum ad job 1. 15.

8. B. Shabbat 151b; Ginzberg, LJ, V. 147-48.

9. Gen. Rab. 158, 163-64; Mid. Abkir 133, 135; Abot diR. Nathan 24; B. Sanhedrin 39a.

10. Gen. II. 21-22; Gen. Rab. 161.

11. Gen. Rab. 134; B. Erubin 18a.

12. B. Erubin 18a.

13. Gen. Rab. 55; Lev. Rab. 14.1: Abot diR. Nathan 1.8; B. Berakhot 61a; B. Erubin 18a; Tanhuma Tazri'a 1; Yalchut Gen. 20; Tanh. Buber iii.33; Mid. Tehillim 139, 529.

Authors’ Comments on the Myth:

1. The tradition that man's first sexual intercourse was with animals, not women, may be due to the widely spread practice of bestiality among herdsmen of the Middle East, which is still condoned by custom, although figuring three times in the Pentateuch as a capital crime. In the Akkadian Gilgamesh Epic, Enkidu is said to have lived with gazelles and jostled other wild beasts at the watering place, until civilized by Aruru's priestess. Having enjoyed her embraces for six days and seven nights, he wished to rejoin the wild beasts but, to his surprise, they fled from him. Enkidu then knew that he had gained understanding, and the priestess said: 'Thou art wise, Enkidu, like unto a godl'

2. Primeval man was held by the Babylonians to have been androgynous. Thus the Gilgamesh Epic gives Enkidu androgynous features: `the hair of his head like a woman's, with locks that sprout like those of Nisaba, the Grain-goddess.' The Hebrew tradition evidently derives from Greek sources, because both terms used in a Tannaitic midrash to describe the bisexual Adam are Greek: androgynos, 'man-woman', and diprosopon, 'twofaced'. Philo of Alexandria, the Hellenistic philosopher and commentator on the Bible, contemporary with Jesus, held that man was at first bisexual; so did the Gnostics. This belief is clearly borrowed from Plato. Yet the myth of two bodies placed back to back may well have been founded on observation of Siamese twins, which are sometimes joined in this awkward manner. The two-faced Adam appears to be a fancy derived from coins or statues of Janus, the Roman New Year god.

3. Divergences between the Creation myths of Genesis r and n, which allow Lilith to be presumed as Adam's first mate, result from a careless weaving together of an early Judaean and a late priestly tradition. The older version contains the rib incident. Lilith typifies the Anath-worshipping Canaanite women, who were permitted pre-nuptial promiscuity. Time after time the prophets denounced Israelite women for following Canaanite practices; at first, apparently, with the priests' approval-since their habit of dedicating to God the fees thus earned is expressly forbidden in Deuteronomy xxIII. I8. Lilith's flight to the Red Sea recalls the ancient Hebrew view that water attracts demons. 'Tortured and rebellious demons' also found safe harbourage in Egypt. Thus Asmodeus, who had strangled Sarah's first six husbands, fled 'to the uttermost parts of Egypt' (Tobit viii. 3), when Tobias burned the heart and liver of a fish on their wedding night.

4. Lilith's bargain with the angels has its ritual counterpart in an apotropaic rite once performed in many Jewish communities. To protect the newborn child against Lilith-and especially a male, until he could be permanently safeguarded by circumcision-a ring was drawn with natron, or charcoal, on the wall of the birthroom, and inside it were written the words: 'Adam and Eve. Out, Lilith!' Also the names Senoy, Sansenoy and Semangelof (meanings uncertain) were inscribed on the door. If Lilith nevertheless succeeded in approaching the child and fondling him, he would laugh in his sleep. To avert danger, it was held wise to strike the sleeping child's lips with one finger-whereupon Lilith would vanish.

5. 'Lilith' is usually derived from the Babylonian-Assyrian word lilitu, ,a female demon, or wind-spirit'-one of a triad mentioned in Babylonian spells. But she appears earlier as 'Lillake' on a 2000 B.G. Sumerian tablet from Ur containing the tale of Gilgamesh and the Willow Tree. There she is a demoness dwelling in the trunk of a willow-tree tended by the Goddess Inanna (Anath) on the banks of the Euphrates. Popular Hebrew etymology seems to have derived 'Lilith' from layil, 'night'; and she therefore often appears as a hairy night-monster, as she also does in Arabian folklore. Solomon suspected the Queen of Sheba of being Lilith, because she had hairy legs. His judgement on the two harlots is recorded in I Kings III. 16 ff. According to Isaiah xxxiv. I4-I5, Lilith dwells among the desolate ruins in the Edomite Desert where satyrs (se'ir), reems, pelicans, owls, jackals, ostriches, arrow-snakes and kites keep her company.

6. Lilith's children are called lilim. In the Targum Yerushalmi, the priestly blessing of Numbers vi. 26 becomes: 'The Lord bless thee in all thy doings, and preserve thee from the Lilim!' The fourth-century A.D. commentator Hieronymus identified Lilith with the Greek Lamia, a Libyan queen deserted by Zeus, whom his wife Hera robbed of her children. She took revenge by robbing other women of theirs.

7. The Lamiae, who seduced sleeping men, sucked their blood and ate their flesh, as Lilith and her fellow-demonesses did, were also known as Empusae, 'forcers-in'; or Mormolyceia, 'frightening wolves'; and described as 'Children of Hecate'. A Hellenistic relief shows a naked Lamia straddling a traveller asleep on his back. It is characteristic of civilizations where women are treated as chattels that they must adopt the recumbent posture during intercourse, which Lilith refused. That Greek witches who worshipped Hecate favoured the superior posture, we know from Apuleius; and it occurs in early Sumerian representations of the sexual act, though not in the Hittite. Malinowski writes that Melanesian girls ridicule what they call `the missionary position', which demands that they should lie passive and recumbent.

8. Naamah, 'pleasant', is explained as meaning that 'the demoness sang pleasant songs to idols'. Zmargad suggest smaragdos, the semi-precious aquamarine; and may therefore be her submarine dwelling. A demon named Smaragos occurs in the Homeric Epigrams.

9. Eve's creation by God from Adam's rib-a myth establishing male supremacy and disguising Eve's divinity-lacks parallels in Mediterranean or early Middle-Eastern myth. The story perhaps derives iconotropically from an ancient relief, or painting, which showed the naked Goddess Anath poised in the air, watching her lover Mot murder his twin Aliyan; Mot (mistaken by the mythographer for Yahweh) was driving a curved dagger under Aliyan's fifth rib, not removing a sixth one. The familiar story is helped by a hidden pun on tsela, the Hebrew for 'rib': Eve, though designed to be Adam's helpmeet, proved to be a tsela, a 'stumbling', or 'misfortune'. Eve's formation from Adam's tail is an even more damaging myth; perhaps suggested by the birth of a child with a vestigial tail instead of a coccyx-a not infrequent occurrence.

10. The story of Lilith's escape to the East and of Adam's subsequent marriage to Eve may, however, record an early historical incident: nomad herdsmen, admitted into Lilith's Canaanite queendom as guests (see 16. 1), suddenly seize power and, when the royal household thereupon flees, occupy a second queendom which owes allegiance to the Hittite Goddess Heba.

The meaning of 'Eve' is disputed. Hawwah is explained in Genesis III. 20 as 'mother of all living'; but this may well be a Hebraicized form of the divine name Heba, Hebat, Khebat or Khiba. This goddess, wife of the Hittite Storm-god, is shown riding a lion in a rock-sculpture at Hattusaswhich equates her with Anath-and appears as a form of Ishtar in Hurrian texts. She was worshipped at Jerusalem (see 27. 6). Her Greek name was Hebe, Heracles's goddess-wife.

[finniestoncrane]

I would like to hear your headcannons on any of the riddlers (or all of them, if you're up for it) reacting to his s/o keeping a virtual pet, like a tamagotchi, and naming it after him. Does he think it's cringe or cute? (I'm having massive period cramps, so I need something silly)

Riddlers Co-Parenting Tamagotchis

Arkham!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: good god i had a rough day today and this is exactly the kind of thing that made me feel so much better thinking about so i pushed it up the queue, ty ty ty ty request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: urm this has capullo in it so there's obviously sleaze and suggestive content but other than that sfw

Arkham

ok so i have put this somewhere before, but i headcanon that he has a tamagotchi that he has kept alive and well since the 90s, and it's called Bruiser, and he loves it with all of his heart. so you KNOW he would love yours too. you can definitely trust him to take care of it when you're gone and take the duty of care very seriously. they're basically tiny computer pets, kinda like his robots, so what's not to love? and what's silly about it? god help anyone who mocks him for bringing out bruiser in the middle of his schemes and now, he'll also go toe to toe to defend you and your tamagotchi's honour too

Dano

"what's that?" *wide eyed wonder* "please can i play with it? oh my god you trust me with your little...thingy? it's for US!?" 🥺 this man would lose his damn mind if you produced a little tamagotchi and told him to help you name it. he's gonna spend hours researching themes and names. he never got to do flour sack babies at school so this is his first shot at looking after something. he says you're going to be a great parent, and he's excited to be a dad and you think he's joking but he is getting up regularly in the middle of the night to check on it so...he might be very emotionally attached very quick. also you're pretty sure you very explicitly said it's made of plastic, but he sits it on a little pillow anyway just in case

Young Justice

"this is stupid and childish and oh god wait what did you just do? you fed it? it eats? that's kinda cute. can i have a go?" aaaaaand good luck getting it back. that's his now. he needs something helpless to depend on him, it makes him feel genuinely useful. but you'll still have to sneakily look after it to make sure it doesn't die because that might destroy eddie. he's a big fan of video games, a very cute boy, he'd freakin' love it if you liked the same kind of thing as him. he'd definitely buy you more, all the cute little limited edition styles and stuff. your babies are his babies now

Gotham

the disappointment when he finds out it's not a remote activation for a bomb is immeasurable. but when you explain what it is he's kind of on board. "does it have a beak, we're naming it oswald. and can they die?" ok so maybe try only let him near one that's not too 'penguiny'. look he kept solomon grundy alive, you can trust him to help you keep a tamagotchi alive. he thinks you're cute for investing your time in something so completely innocuous. it's adorable! although if you ever wanted to put it down and pay attention to him and his schemes that might also be nice

Capullo

this is dumb and you are dumb. you sure it's not one of those...vibrating egg things...? if you want something to play with, he could think of something better for you to fiddle around with. "oh come on!" ok so fine show him then, hurry up. urgh, the stress of handing it to him, he's just clicking all the little buttons, dangling it in front of you, and teasing you about it. he's so mean, but he will insist that you name it lil ed after him, because god forbid something else take away your precious attention that should be on him

[boydiisaster]

It's so awesome there's blogs like yours out there trying to provide content for GN and Male fans. It's so hard to find anything even GN, and as a nonbinary person I just want you to know how much it's appreciated! If you're okay with taking requests right now, I have an Obey Me one? Do you have any headcanons on a poly/throuple relationship between a GN MC, Satan, and Solomon? Those two are surprisingly good friends in canon and alike in a lot of ways, I love them both so much!

throuple satan and solomon headcanons

reader: gender neutral, they/them pronouns

tw/cw: a bit of spoilers and fighting/blood mentions

author's note: AWW YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY YOU'RE SO NICE, ANON :,) i'm trying my hardest to provide more content for other male and gender neutral readers out there, so i really hope that what i write is enjoyable for yall <33 also i haven't the slightest idea of satan and solomon's canon relationship because i'm only at like lesson 30 smth and don't keep up with my messages so i just pulled most of their dynamic for this out of my ass ( ._.)

It was like a cat just met a dog when Satan and Solomon started dating. They have similarities, sure, but whereas Satan is cold and calculated with his spells, plans, and pranks, it's as if Solomon doesn't think. Like, ever.

How was someone so smart so insufferably stupid at the same time? It's as if Satan is his babysitter more than he's his boyfriend.

Oh god and when Solomon ropes you into doing something with him-

"I hate you both," Satan grumbles, checking your temperature and seeing how it's well above the normal temperature for humans. "Solomon, you can't just drag MC on all your dangerous adventures. They're much more human than you are."

"Just because I accidentally made a spell that cursed me with immortality doesn't mean I'm any less human than they are." Solomon crosses his arms at his boyfriend's hurtful words. "Besides, MC wanted to come with me. Isn't that right, MC?"

You didn't speak. That was probably because you had passed out from how incredibly fatigued you were. Your skin was sticky and noticeably sweaty, eyes closed shut while letting out painful whimpers.

"Tell me again just what happened to them?" Satan groans as he opens a spell book. God knows where he got it. He did that a lot. He was like a video game character or something the way he'd just pull books or spell jars from out his ass. He was always the one Mammon would ask for a pencil, because hell he had like hundreds on him at all times.

"Well," Solomon cheekily smiles and scratches the back of his neck. "We went looking for some herbs for a new spell I concocted."

"Uh huh?"

"And MC sort of... fell."

"What did they fall on, Solomon?"

Said man falls silent. "Solomon?" Satan drags out his lover's name, threatening him, to which all Solomon can do is smile again, this time more nervous.

"They kind of, maybe, fell into a bush of what could have been poisonous flowers...."

"What kind of poisonous flowers, Solomon?" Satan glares at him.

Solomon thinks for a moment, then clasps his hands together. "Let's just say that if we don't get Diavolo or Lucifer in the next," he looks toward a clock, "fifteen or so minutes, MC might fall asleep for probably a whole millennium."

That earns the sorcerer a big thwack to the back of his head by Satan's spell book.

That was probably the first major incident where you were dragged into Solomon's dangerous plans, but it certainly wasn't the last. Most of the time you either ended up with several scrapes or bruises, things Satan or Solomon could easily patch up on their own. But sometimes you'd come back missing a shirt or as a cat.

(It's hard for Satan to be mad at Solomon for accidentally turning you into a cat, but he manages it because you were furious.)

... You were a really cute cat though, MC.

A cat was frantically trying to climb up Satan's pant leg. He was out in the garden tending to his flowers when a kitty he'd never seen before made their way through the bushes and crashed into his leg.

"Hello little one," he smiled at the cat. "Are you lost?"

The cat let out a pitiful wail and latched themselves onto Satan's leg. Satan frowned a bit and started to get worried. "Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

He picked up the cat to examine them. They were a cute little thing with [eye color] eyes and a sleek fur coat. Satan couldn't see anything physically wrong with them. Their paws looked fine, and there was no blood anywhere.

"Did you lose your mom? Maybe your kitten?" he began to muse, then Solomon exploded through the bushes looking frantic as ever.

"Have you seen a cat?" he gasped for air. "About this tall, [eye color] eyes, clearly upset?"

"You mean this one?" Satan held up the cat he found.

"Yes! Give them here-"

The cat hissed and clawed at Solomon's hand, burying themselves further into Satan's grasp. They growled, then looked toward Satan to let out another pitiful whine.

"MC, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Solomon cried.

The cat hissed again.

"I'm sorry, did you just say MC?"

Solomon stiffened. He started to laugh nervously, fiddling with his cuffs. "Uh... would you break up with me if I told you I turned our darling MC into a tiny cat...? If so then no, I didn't say MC."

"You did what?!"

"Oh would you look at the time! I have a meeting with Lord Diavolo I must attend to right now, goodbye Satan, I love you!"

And then Solomon left, leaving Satan to fix whatever spell he put on their partner by himself. Satan wasn't angry about it, but the look of pure rage on your little furry face was enough to let Satan know that if he kept you as a cat for a moment longer you'd raise hell upon everyone in the vicinity.

Having a pact with a demon means that pretty much everything you do is shared with said demon. You feel emotions stronger, god forbid if you feel their specific emotions. You could be angry at Mammon for swiping a bag of candy you bought for yourself, but you act as if Mammon robbed you of every last thing you had just because of the pact you share with Satan. He feels awful about that, even though you reassure him time and time again that:

1.) It's not his fault, and

2.) You wanted a pact with him

Even so, please give Satan cuddles and kisses after he gets all sulky. He acts composed, but on the inside he's so incredibly self-conscious of both his sin and his pact with you.

"You need to be more careful," Satan quietly mused as he bandaged your hurt hands and face. You had gotten into a fight at school because a demon shoved you, and now you were currently inside Satan's room, getting blood all over his pretty carpet.

"I know," you softly sighed and hissed once the rubbing alcohol came into contact with the cuts on your face. "I just, I don't know. It set me off for some reason."

Your boyfriend hesitated for a moment, then applied a bandage to your cheek. "It's because of the pact."

"Satan-"

"You know I'm right, MC." Satan didn't look at you when he talked. Instead he looked at his lap, which had the first aid kit he was using to fix you up in it. "I know I talk about this a lot but... I am truly sorry for doing this to you."

"Hey," you cupped his cheek. "It's not your fault. I can learn to live with this. I learnt to handle my greed, envy, and gluttony when I built pacts with your brothers, right?"

"You shouldn't have to though. Maybe it's best if I-"

You silently kissed him. It was a bittersweet kiss, one filled with love yet unspeakable sadness and hurt. Satan was so self-conscious of his sin, yet you loved him still anyway. You wished he could see that.

"Don't finish that thought," you whispered as you pulled away. Resting your forehead against his, you continued. "I love you. Despite your sin, despite how you were born, despite everything; I love you. I chose you, and I wanted a pact with you." You smiled, and Satan couldn't help but blush at your next sentence.

"You silly demon. You really can't see how amazing you are, huh? It's okay though, because both me and Solomon will always be here to remind you."

Solomon touches all your pact marks constantly. When you take off your shirt it's hard to stop him from touching Leviathan's mark located directly on your back. He's always rubbing his fingers over Beelzebub's symbol on your stomach, always outlining Mammon's mark on your wrist. Sometimes he kisses Belphegor's symbol on your throat. When meeting your eyes, he never fails to stare into the one that holds Lucifer's mark, and even though you cover your thighs almost all the time, it's like Solomon can tell where Asmodeus's mark is. It's his favorite place on your thigh to touch.

You sighed whenever you felt Solomon's lips touch the small of your back. A smile made its way onto your own lips as you giggled.

"I didn't expect Satan to place his mark somewhere so... subtle," he admitted as he popped up to press a kiss to your cheek.

You looked at him out of the corner of your eye. He was playing with your wrist again, looking at the symbol of greed that adorns your skin.

"Solomon," you started.

Your lover hummed. You could tell he was beginning to grow drowsy. His eyes were closed and his movements slowed.

"Are you... jealous?"

That woke him up. He made you face him, and the expression he wore was unreadable. It worried you. Maybe you shouldn't have said that.

"I just mean, like," you grew embarrassed. "Um... you're always touching my pact marks, or always looking at them, and I don't know. Are you mad at me for them?"

The sorcerer gently grasped your hands. His fingers were weirdly soft considering how much he uses them. He sat there for a moment, just running his thumbs over your palms before speaking.

"I am a little," he admitted. "But I'm not mad at you. If anything I'm proud."

You smiled a bit. It was a lopsided and awkward sort of smile, but to Solomon it was the most beautiful thing in the world, as cheesy as that sounded.. He loves seeing his partners happy. He loves seeing you happy.

"You're much stronger than you think," Solomon continued. "Being able to hold seven different pact marks, ones belonging to Avatars, as a human with no sort of prior knowledge on magic?" He beamed. "You're incredible."

That only embarrassed you more. You groaned a bit and tried swatting Solomon away to hide your face, but your lover only pulled you in for a short yet loving kiss.

"You're cute, you know that?"

"You're cuter," you retorted. Solomon just smiled.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, dear. Speaking of which," he leaned back on your bed and made grabby hands at you, indicating that he wanted you to lay next to him. "I'm tired. Cuddle me."

"So needy," you joked, but instantly complied to Solomon's request. He was never like this in public. It was nice seeing him so open and vulnerable... and cute.

[diavolosthots]

Could you make a fic about Barbatos meeting his mc's strict religious parents? Idk if he would use his time travel power or not. I don't even know if he's allowed by Lord Diavolo. But that up to what you think

Idc if Solomon is left for this series i am completely and utterly done with this just FYI for anyone who suggests it.

Also! I remember in the game they said diavolo forbids him from using his powers and i have my own theories on that

Warning: religion

Who Has the Time? (BARBATOS X GN!READER)

“I won’t be able to stay long, (Y/N), you know that. Nothing can or will go wrong in the short time that I will be there.” And even that didn’t calm your nerves. Barbatos was probably one of the most well behaved demons, actually people in general, you will ever meet, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he is a demon. Diavolo didn’t even allow him to see into the future because “It will be fun, Barbatos! Just be yourself! And be back for dinner, please…” How is this fun, Diavolo, huh?! You were freaking out and what’s the point of having a time travelling demon boyfriend when he can’t even see into the future so you could prepare yourself for any possible outcomes?! If you weren’t sure Barbatos would fight you for this, you would’ve fought Diavolo right then and there. “That doesn’t give me peace of mind, Barbatos.” He only chuckled. Seriously, what could go wrong? What has he ever done that even remotely resembled bad manners? 

“They’ll like me, (Y/N). If they won’t, I’ll simply never see them again.” Seriously he wouldn’t see an issue with it, either. Like, he’s dating you and not them and if they have an issue with him, well, that’s their problem. Barbatos is a very simple man and he doesn’t like to overcomplicate things, so he just doesn't. “I know… I just want everyone to get along. At least we’re meeting in a public place and we can leave whenever we want.” Truthfully, you hated dealing with your parents on most days and you hid most of your relationships from them because they were always so strict and “oh they aren’t God-like, (Y/N). You deserve better.” After hearing that for every person that you introduced to them, you just kind of gave up and dated quietly, understandably so. 

“Is that them?” You decided to meet at a bar, weirdly enough. Your parents don’t drink a lot but they like the snacks they lay out so you figured this would be a nice ice breaker. Minimal amounts of alcohol and tasty snacks, why not? “Yes. That’s them.” they’re standing outside the bar, waving at you and you managed to smile and wave back, clutching Barbatos’ arm, which he offered so kindly, a little tighter, “okay… here goes nothing.” He’s smiling, as always. He’s also dressed as always, which you had advised him not to but he refused to change for your parents when he was just going back to the castle to work later on anyway, “Good evening Mr. and Mrs. (L/N). It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Barbatos beat you to the greeting and you silently cursed him for it but managed to smile too, “hey guys…. How are you? Do you wanna head inside?” The quicker you got inside, the quicker you could get this over with. 

Both your mom and dad eyed him suspiciously. “Is there a reason you’re dressed like count Dracula?” Barbatos, bless his soul, was still smiling even at your dad’s somewhat insulting words, “Yes, as a matter of fact there is. My job requires it.” Your mom nodded, glancing at you and then shaking her head, “well, at least you have a job. That stands for something. Come on.” She led the way inside and your dad was about to get the door when Barbatos reached for it, “allow me, sir.” but instead of being impressed by Barbatos’ offer, your dad almost took offense to it. “Dad. Let’s go.” Thankfully you can tell by his body language that he was about to say something and Barbatos really didn’t deserve that so you just pushed everyone inside and joined your mother who had already found herself a seat at the bar. “So… tell me uhm… I don’t think I caught your name.” “Barbatos.” Your mother narrowed her eyes and so did you like dude, you couldn’t have come up with something else for the time being like Bob or something like that?

“Well… Barbatos…” the way she said it was almost venomous and you really hated her for that, “what is it that you do?” You held your hand up for the waiter because you needed a drink before any of this actually went down and I’m sure Barbatos would appreciate one too, “shots for everyone, please.” “oh no, I’ll just have a beer.” Leave it to your dad to kill your fun. He needs that shot, you know he does. “Well, I’m a sort of… nanny, if you will.” You laughed a little because yes, yes he is. Diavolo is a giant man child and Barbatos is the paid parent he never signed up to be; thus, Barbatos is a nanny. Perfect. “A nanny? Son, don’t you think you should have a more manly job? You don’t look weak or chronically ill or anything.” Barbatos is still smiling and you seriously wondered how, “please refrain from calling me ‘son’, sir. I’m not your son, nor am I a child, and it makes me rather uncomfortable.” 

Your mom looked at you and shrugged softly, leaning in to whisper to you, “at least he can stand his ground and isn’t like some of the other wimps you brought home.” You glared back at her like, did she have to remind you of your past mistakes? Your dad nodded, surprisingly, “Well? Won’t you answer my question?” “I fear your question is embedded in some old school tradition I simply wish to take no part of. I am, in the simplest of terms, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, and a host on certain days and I assure you that there’s more to my job than meets the eye and is sure to measure my strength; however, I doubt you are simply concerned with my occupation and rather that there is something else. So tell me, Mr. (L/N), what is it that you actually mean to say?” Both you and your dad stared wide eyed at Barbatos because not only did he just call your dad out, he did so passive aggressively, and now he’s even downing his shot as if nothing ever happened?!

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Yes you do.” Was Barbatos using his powers? No… you doubted it. He’s probably just that good. “Fine. you are the man in this relationship and thus, you should be taking care of my (Y/N) financially and physically. You can’t do that by nannying little kids, which is supposed to be their future job.” “Says who?” Wow Barbatos really isn’t holding back here, “says the Lord.” Barbatos actually laughed for once before shrugging softly, “My Lord has said no such thing.” He’s being vague enough so that your parents don’t know what he’s talking about, or more so, whom he is referring to. “As a matter of fact, the Lord that I look up to encourages everyone to do as they please as long as no harm is done.” Well… somewhat correct, but yes Barbatos, go get them. You couldn’t help but smile at him because even though Barbatos is talking about Diavolo right now, this could also apply to their God. “Elaborate.” 

And Barbatos did elaborate, and to your surprise, your dad and mom actually listened. Not once did Barbatos mention their or his actual faith but what he spoke of was interesting and entertaining and it was close enough to their version of the truth that they didn’t mind. “Very well… It seems you know the Lord very well.” You snorted. You didn’t doubt Barbatos met God at some point but you did doubt that it was in recent history. Whatever Barbatos had sold them though, they seemed to like and they actually ended up congratulating you on finding such a nice man.

“He still looks like Dracula, though, (Y/N).” 

[oh-boy-me]

I just read both the australia and museum post and the chaos levels are top tier, but like imagine the chaos that ensues if lord diavolo discovers about amusment parks and immediately just buys tickets to disneyland. Lucifer is basically the dad trying not to loose his children(lord diavolo included). Lord diavolo wanting to ride a loopy rollercoaster and just having the time of his life! (Also I highkey see diavolo ordering lucifer to make a disneyland in devildom tbh) Also mouse ear headbands!

This..... this took forever

Hey there anon!  Sorry it took literally a year to answer this!  If you’re still into Obey Me, I hope this was a pleasant surprise.

Also for the first time ever a scenario post is being put under the cut for length purposes.  This scenario is 2.6k words Jesus

Please note that the last time I went to Disney was in 2015, so anything that’s newer than that is taken from the extensive reading of Disney advice blogs I read in preparation for this post.  Anything older than that is likely from experience.

Also, I tried my best to keep this spoiler free for the attractions that can be affected by it.

--

So the Devildom DOES have the concept of amusement parks.  I slept on this ask for so long that we’ve learned about Devil’s Coast.  It seems to be more akin to a smaller-scale theme park, though.  Small-ish.  I’m used to NYC idk what constitutes as small.

Something like Disney World is on such a larger scale!!  When Diavolo heard about that, he knew they had to go.

They are going to Disney World in Orlando because it’s the only one I’ve been to.

Lucifer is REALLY getting tired of these field trips, but there would be no weird animals, and there would be no sobering lessons on global extinction events at a family-friendly amusement park.  He.  He can handle this.

Solomon has actually been banned from all Walt Disney theme parks.  We’re talking blacklist-level banned.  He’s barred from ever entering any Disney park ever again.  However, this was back in 1976, so this must be, like, his son or something, right?  There’s no way this is the same guy.  Thought the security guard who let him in.

What did Solomon do to get banned?  When asked, he only gave a curious hum.  “Yeah, I wonder.”

The place is split into four parks, so they’ll spend one day in each.

Barbatos continued to flex his power as the only one in the group with a brain cell, being sure to get them all fast passes.  He even set time back just for the passes while they were booking the rides they wanted to cut the lines for, so if they don’t get used he’s going to be very snippy.

Also for convenience sake this is taking place in an AU where everything is the same but COVID doesn’t exist to shut down some rides and attractions.

Day 1: Hollywood Studios

MC and Simeon basically have to coerce Lucifer into letting everyone run free instead of making them all line up with a walking rope all day.  He relents on the condition that everyone checks in periodically so he can at least know they haven’t killed anyone.

Nobody will check in except for maybe Beelzebub and those at Purgatory Hall.

Levi immediately gathered his fellow Star Wars fans (which basically meant calling over Mammon Belphie and Asmo and then pulling in two unsuspecting people suddenly given the title of “Star Wars fan”), and made a beeline for Galaxy’s Edge.  There’s a LOT to do there and damn it if he wasn’t going to hit all of it.

First up for their group is the interactive Millennium Falcon Smuggler’s Run.  They fail the mission.  Levi’s pretty pissed, but everyone agrees that it was fun nonetheless.  They really felt like they were doing a mission in the Falcon!  Plus, the gameplay element was totally up the alley of most of this group.  Simeon does feel a little nauseous from Luke’s jerky steering, though.

Did you know that Diavolo loves Toy Story?  He does.  He’s very much enjoying the Slinky roller coaster with Barbatos.

Barbatos would rather be spending time at the shows and performances, but oh no god forbid we don’t get an autograph from Doc McStuffins.  Lucifer please come find him and save him.

Lucifer somehow wandered into the Frozen Sing-Along Celebration.  He wants out.  Barbatos please come find him and save him.

In general, Lucifer isn’t a fan of these sorts of places, so honestly he’s just hiding from the others and waiting for today to be over.  Barbatos told him that there are parks that don’t revolve around rides and characters, and he’s holding out for those.

Luckily for them Diavolo wants to do LITERALLY everything, and that does include the shows, so Barbatos and Lucifer can have at least some fun today

Levi, Asmo, and Beel are about to start their relay for getting character autographs when Satan shows up out of nowhere and starts dragging everyone over to the Tower of Terror.  Solomon bars all attempts to flee on a certain Avatar of Greed’s side.

The line to the Tower is so long, and honestly?  Satan feels like the ride didn’t live up to the literal hour they waited to get on.  Like yeah it was fun, but way too short.

He voices those thoughts, and Levi, who Satan knows is afraid of heights, is pretty fucking livid and drags him to Rock n Rollercoaster as revenge.  Satan hates roller coasters.

As for the others, Asmo and Luke have a lot of fun on the thrill rides.  Mammon and Simeon do not.  Beel is a little spooked by them but still manages to have fun, while Belphie and Solomon think they’re alright.

Eventually, Simeon gets too sick to move, and they assign him to Luke.  They say it’s because he’s too short to ride some of the rides (even though he’s literally not, screw you guys.)

Barbatos messes with time a lil bit so they can enjoy the Fantasmic Show and Fireworks to wrap the day up.

Levi is very jealous of Diavolo’s Doc McStuffins autograph.  Somehow Asmo has Buzz Lightyear’s number.

Day 2: Animal Kingdom

Satan is vibrating

He literally instantly sprints to the Kilimanjaro Safari.  And good for him; that’s something best done while the sun isn’t high up.  The whole gang actually agrees to check that one out, and while Satan isn’t thrilled to be within 50 feet of Lucifer, he’s glad Simeon is there because he remembers how his presence lured animals out in Australia.

Simeon also finds himself pulled along the trails by Satan and parents watch in horror as a gorilla gives him a friendly pat on the back.

If you didn’t know, Animal Kingdom is divided into the two continents of Asia and Africa, as well as the secret eighth continent Avatar (2009).  Diavolo heard great things about the Flight of Passage ride, but he totally forgot to tell Barbatos about it, so they’re stuck on a three hour wait line now.

Levi takes Luke on the Everest roller coaster because Simeon saw it in the distance and looked like he was about to cry.  Levi wouldn’t shut up about how the yeti effect needs to be fixed and Solomon had to explain that the effect literally couldn’t support itself.

Simeon, having escaped a roller coaster for the first and only time on this trip, grabs lunch with Lucifer and Solomon and they enjoy the Lion King performance together.  Solomon’s the only one of them who’s seen the movie, but the others still found it fun.  Solomon keeps making up random plot points that don’t exist, though.  Remember when Simba was captured by pirates?

Mammon found the Bugs Life show very scary.  Normally Asmo would laugh at him, but he’s afraid of any bug he’s never seen before and at least Mammon was afraid of the things that were supposed to get you.  They agree that bugs are still not their friends.

Satan has many things to say about the Dinosaur ride and most of them aren’t good.  Belphie thought it was pretty ok, though.  Lucifer can’t believe there was a sobering lesson on a global extinction event at this family-friendly amusement park.

Diavolo is still in line.  Barbatos abandons him.  He accompanies Luke to the kiddie fossil thing and actually finds it more tolerable.  Oh yeah that’s the other secret ninth continent, Dinoland.

Beel and Belphie spend most of the day together at the various petting zoos.  Belphie comes back knowing more than he ever wanted to about conservation.  He thought Rafiki’s Planet Watch was going to be about watching other planets, not this one!

Asmo gets very interested in the costumes of the performers, as well as the parrots in the bird show.  He could probably make some really colorful designs with those as inspiration.

Nearby, Mammon runs into Kevin and squawks in surprise.  The zoo staff spend the next two hours trying to find the bird that escaped.

Diavolo says the ride was worth it, don’t worry.

Honestly this park has a lot of stuff that wouldn’t translate well to a funny scenario post so this part might be a little short compared to the others.  I can only talk about a zoo for so long.

Anyone remember the Honey I Shrunk the Kids 4D show?  Apparently it closed in 2016 to make room for more Star Wars stuff.

Anyway, at the center of it all there’s the Tree of Life, which is really pretty all day.  Lucifer is thrilled to have a decently obvious meet-up place, too.  They get to catch the brief awakening show at night.

They’re very bummed to learn the Rivers of Light show isn’t happening anymore, so Levi pulls it up on his phone so they can watch it in spirit.

Then Satan learns about the Wilderness Explorers badges and the others spend the rest of the time preventing too much collateral damage over the fact that nobody told him.

Day 3: Epcot

Finally, Lucifer thinks.  Boo, Luke thinks.

Beel didn’t expect this park to be that interesting to him (he’s much more into the wonder and immersion of Hollywood Studios and Magic Kingdom), but then he learned about the restaurants.  China, Norway, France, Mexico, Germany, Morocco, Italy, Japan, Canada--Canada?  Huh.  Canada.  There’s so many different restaurants from so many cuisines to try, and yeah he knows that it’s definitely not the same as going to the place and it’s overpriced (sorry Lucifer), but it’s all right there.  He makes certain to take MC on a deluxe Epcot restaurant tour.

Oh yeah MC.  That’s the first time we’ve heard from them in a while.  They’re doing whatever you want them to I guess.

Levi buys so much from the Japanese gift shops that he has to go back to the hotel for a bit to drop his bags off.

Satan and Diavolo aren’t much better, but their stashes are more varied.

Also, Diavolo found Mouse Gear, and bought everyone a pair of ears.  Lucifer says that everyone has to keep them on because it’s what Lord Diavolo wants, but he is by far the most upset about them.  Mammon snaps a picture and Lucifer throws his DDD into the lake.

Asmo and Belphie decide they’re gonna take it easy this day, and they nab Solomon and Barbatos for some exhibition hopping.

Luke finds Mission Space and please father no Simeon thought he was safe he thought he was safe here no please

Aside from that, though, Luke honestly finds this part of the park boring.  He’d have been more interested in these attractions elsewhere, but as a kid he’s in Disney for roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.

Simeon is very grateful that Luke doesn’t have much that he wants to do, because it means that he can enjoy the Gran Fiesta and Living with the Land boat rides and have a single moment where he doesn’t feel like he’s about to be sick.  He’s not even afraid of the rides; he just gets motion sick easily.

Asmo makes sure to see the Chinese acrobat show, and Mammon catches that with the show-hopping gang since there isn’t much he wants to do here either.

Epcot has alcohol and Solomon hasn’t been able to drink in ages so he really wants to spend some time doing that with MC.  No demons allowed, thank you very much.  He doesn’t hold his liquor as well as he’d like you to believe, but he just gets really talkative when drunk so it’s ok.

Epcot is a nice day to take a breather and Lucifer and Barbatos definitely needed a breather before tomorrow.

Day 4: Magic Kingdom

This is the day Diavolo has been waiting for.  The crème de la crop, the best park for kids and kids in a future king of the Devildom’s body.

Also I feel like now is a good time to mention that this probably isn’t a reasonable order of events because I don’t remember the map layout of these places idk Disney city planning

This time.  This time, Levi, Asmo and Beel are gonna get those autographs, dammit.  Levi doesn’t even know who half of these characters are but hell if he’s not getting their autograph.

Mammon actually really loves the mascots too, but he’s embarrassed about it so he’ll only try to get one if he can use the guise of MC wanting one.  MC, please help him out

Belphie isn’t big on rides, but he does have a soft spot for the more retro ones like Dumbo and Seven Dwarves.  And like I said before, Beel loves Magic Kingdom for its wonder.  So Belphie is perfectly happy being led (read: piggybacked) around by Beel today, because their favorite attractions match up pretty well here.

Actually, Beel’s favorite Disney movie is Lilo and Stitch, but.  RIP Stitch’s Great Escape ride 2004-2018

Diavolo and Lucifer take a moment to enjoy the Carousel of Progress, and they reflect on how much the Human World is always changing and how much about it they still don’t know.  It really does make them think, like.  Grandma found the VR games at Christmas!  The Devildom doesn’t have grandmas!

Mammon is terrified of the Haunted Mansion ride, and Satan has literally never felt so much schadenfreude in his life.

Mammon’s afraid of most rides to be fair, but he likes water rides, so Levi eventually takes pity on him and they go on Splash Mountain together more than once.

The Peter Pan ride broke down

Luke wanted to go on Space Mountain and Simeon was the only one around, so.  RIP Simeon ????-2021

Diavolo was That Guy.  If you know, you know.

Beel accidentally spun the teacups way too fast.  Not even Solomon got out of that one unscathed.

Following that, Solomon manages to drag Barbatos onto the Jungle Cruise while Lucifer is busy.  What is Lucifer busy with?  Riding the Buzz Lightyear shooting ride over and over until he hits every single target and gets a perfect score at a Disney ride, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.  Anyway, Barbatos finds it really charming and Solomon finds it a nice break that he didn’t know he needed.

While looking for a food place that sells water for a reasonable price, a kid runs up to Asmo asking for a picture and autograph.  He’s kind of confused, but goes along with it to make the kid happy.

Turns out, Asmo’s so naturally charming that they mistook him for a prince.  Other groups see that family and follow suit.  Mammon eventually catches wind of it and shows up to charge a fee.  The parents are pretty sure Disney doesn’t charge fees like that, but their kids really want a pic with Asmo so they hand over the two bucks.  (“Oh it’s so low” come on Mammon’s not a dick to children.)

And that’s the story of how Mammon and Asmo ended up in Disney Jail.  You’re very much not allowed to pretend to be a cast member and then charge money for it.  Lucifer has to bail them out as their “guardian,” and as punishment they aren’t allowed to opt out of It’s a Small World.

Small World isn’t that bad imho, and those like Diavolo, Satan, Simeon, and Levi would like it a lot.  But Lucifer has been playing parent all day, Belphie does not like the noise, and Solomon has literally been on this ride at least fifty times.  Very mixed feelings on this one, but it feels fitting to end with that and a fireworks show.

All in all though this wasn’t the worst trip Lucifer’s been on (cue everyone applauding for some reason).

Barbatos by far had the least fun of them all because for four days he was stuck in a park where the mascot is a fucking rodent and he wasn’t allowed to annihilate Mickey Mouse where he stood

“Disneyland Devildom when” “Lord Diavolo, no”

Masterlist

[jawabear]

Hi 😊

Could I request a one shot please with Alfie Solomons? Some fluff and angst, with these phrases from your prompt list:

"You owe me for this" "That's four favours now, right?"

"That's the first time you've said that"

"Seriously?" "Seriously"

You can make it as angsty or as fluffy as you like. Whatever you're in the writing mood for! Thank you ❤

Together (Alfie Solomons x Reader)

Not my GIF

A/N: hey. So. It’s been a little bit of a whole since I actually wrote something. Life sucks you know? But maybe I’m back. But I am so incredibly sorry about how late this is. Recently I’ve just had zero motivation to do anything. But I really hope you like this!! Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Genre: fluff

Warnings: fem!reader, fluffiness, little bit of angst at the end, I don’t think there’s anything else

Summary: Alfie isn’t the best when it comes to feelings, but he knows when to seize the opportunity

When asked, Alfie Solomons considers himself to be a well mannered man. Which is true enough. He certainly knows how to make a deal. Of course, most of the time it involves using a gun or some sort of violence. But taking away his gangster lifestyle, he was in fact a well mannered man.

But he never had much luck when it came to the ladies. He never really took much notice when it came to a potential partner. He was far more concerned with running a business. But he would take note when a particularly beautiful lady crossed his path.

And he knew the most beautiful one had walked into his life.

Befriending her wasn’t so difficult. She was a nice girl who was probably the complete opposite to him but somehow they got on like a house of fire. Opposites attract after all. Trying to ‘woo’ her was the difficult part. Alfie liked her a lot. He knew that. But because he had little to no experience with the world of dating, he was completely clueless about how to approach it. And he couldn’t ask for help. God forbid he ask anyone to help him ask a girl out on a date. It would crush his reputation completely.

So he had no choice but to go it alone. But luckily the perfect opportunity had arisen.

Being friends with her meant that it wasn’t unusual for him to drop by her house for tea. Most Wednesday afternoons were set aside for tea with her. Unintentionally of course, but they both seemed to make a habit of it. So that’s where he found himself now. Sat in her kitchen, a cup of perfectly made steaming tea before him and her sat in the chair opposite him. He figured now was as good a time as any to ask her his request.

“I know that you don’t like them” he began in an unusually hesitant voice. But it wasn’t completely unusual. He was never really himself around her. He wasn’t the confident man he claimed to be when he was in her presence. She looked up at him and set her tea on the table giving him her full attention. “but I’ve been invited to another charity even. And I...well I was gonna ask you to come along with me...”

“Again” She said holding back a laugh.

Alfie let out a soft laugh and scratched the back of his neck “again...you don’t have to come”

“It’s fine Alfie” she smiled “I’ll come with you. But you owe me for this”

“Yeah yeah” he nodded “I know. That’s four favours now, right?”

(Y/N) let out a laugh “more like four hundred. But yes. It seems that is the score”

-

The charity event now seemed to be in full swing. Alfie and (Y/N) had made their rounds, many people grovelling at his feet asking for payments and support. Alfie never exactly agreed to their offered but he managed to weave his words well to make it sound like her did. Although (Y/N) knew it was most likely that he wouldn’t follow through. But then again, it wasn’t like anyone there was going to follow him up on it. The wouldn’t risk the wrath of Alfie Solomons.

However, as the crowds grew (Y/N) began to feel a little dizzy. She never was one for large groups and the tight dress she was wearing certainly wasn’t helping.

At some point, she had lost track of Alfie, he had wandered off with some other men who looked to be quite young and very over excitable. She didn’t quite like the idea of having to mingle with snobbish people on her own for the remainder of the night so she managed to quickly slip through the crowds and out to the gardens of the large house where the event was being held.

It was the autumn months so the air outside was getting colder and it was especially cold due to the late time of day that it was. But despite the harsh bitterness, she relaxed in the fresh air feeling like she could actually breath again.

She wondered where Alfie was and if he was alright. There was always the threat of an enemy lurking around the corner. Alfie would probably flip out if he knew she had gone outside on her own, but she had her guard up. She knew Alfie could handle himself just fine but that didn’t stop her from worrying about him. Especially since she knew she was head over heals in love with him. She didn’t know exactly what it was about him, and to anyone in their right mind they would never think to fall in love with someone like him. A London gangster. But she couldn’t help it. She did love him.

So the longer she waited alone the more worried she became. She was tempted to go back inside and look for him but each time she turned around the crowd seemed to grow more and more. (Y/N) knew it would be difficult for her to find Alfie in such a crowd even with his distinctive looks. She thought that maybe she stood a better chance of finding him if she stayed where she was. Alfie did know that she didn’t like crowds, so he would figure out where she was quite quickly. If he was okay that was.

(Y/N) shook her head to rid herself of the though. He was okay. She knew he was. He wouldn’t let anything happen to him. Not in a place like this. And not while she was there waiting.

Thankfully her worrying was for nothing.

“It’s cold out here” came his rough voice from behind her.

“I know. But it’s far too hot in there” she answered him.

“In that case” she heard rustling from behind her but didn’t have time to look before he draped his large overcoat over her shoulders “take this to keep you warm”

She gave him a soft smile “thank you Alfie”

“It’s the least I could do. The beginning of payment for all the times I’ve dragged you to these things”

“Despite the extravagance of these, they are somewhat enjoyable” she said quietly before taking a sip of her drink.

“That’s the first time you’ve said that” he told her “but I’ve told you before that you are meant for these things. You fit right in”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously” he nodded “you’re always the most beautiful girl. No matter where you are. There ain’t no one in this world who can compare to you”

“Alfie...” she whispered, her cheeks flushing red. She looked away from him in embarrassment. She didn’t know what to say in response to him compliment. She was used to many things about Alfie, but not him being like this towards her. It was a little awkward but at the same time she didn’t want him to stop. It felt like a dream to be complimented by the man of her dreams.

“(Y/N), look right. We’ve been friends for...years now. And well, you mean more to be than that. I don’t want us to be friends any more. I ain’t never felt like this about any one before. You are something else. And I think that I...well...I love you”

Her head snapped back to look at him. Her eyes were wide and the drink nearly fell from her hand. She let out a shaky breath and just stared at him for an uncomfortable amount of time. “Y-You...can’t...”

“What?”

“You can’t...love me. That’s...that’s impossible”

“What are you going on about?” He asked taking a step forwards. She took a step back, her look of shock now turning to that of fear. “(Y/N)...”

“I don’t...want you to...”

“You don’t want me to? Why not?”

“I’ll hurt you”

“(Y/N), love, what are you taking about, eh?”

“I don’t know how to love someone. Anyone I’ve ever loved I’ve lost. And I don’t want to loose you because I’m incapable of loving someone the way they love me. You’re too important to me!”

“Hey,” He said as he took a long stride towards her, taking her face in between his large hands “I don’t know how to love anyone either. But we can learn. Together, yeah? You’d never loose me. I couldn’t live without you. So...let’s just try, yeah? Together...”

Her eyes flicked between his. She could feel herself tearing up at the overwhelming amount of emotion that was filling her body. But she managed a soft smile and let herself relax a little “together...” she whispered.

27/03/21

[in-tua-deep]

Hufflepuff Five is so good! Are the Hargreeves lives as students as adventurous like the main crew from HP? What about the Ministry of Magic? Would they get involved if someone caught wind of the sibling’s powers that weren’t just magic?

Their lives are SO wack honestly like, they just vibe. They just are going through their magical youth being absolute feral children who don’t trust adults as far as they can throw them while trying to hide their weird funky powers and also ravenously going through magical feats like they’re going out of style

Luther is every sibling’s go-to practice partner because apparently durability extends to being like? Slightly magic resistant? Basically if you hit Luther with a spell it will only be like, maybe half power? So the siblings use him as a magical shield half the time and an experiment the other half and Luther just Suffers Through This until it all goes wrong and he ends up as a werewolf, oops

(But at least Ben is alive! Honestly the only reason Luther wasn’t straight up mauled to death was a combo of his durability, Ben’s proficiency in healing magic, and Ben managing to befriend the acromantulas)

(Luther eventually gets a sense of humor about this after long years of working on accepting himself and constantly threatens to bite his siblings or makes comments about them looking extra tasty when they irritate him)

Allison is a quidditch star, super popular and athletic as all hell. She probably ends up being the Slytherin team captain, honestly. Allison is all glamor and charisma and in her later years of hogwarts has an absolute blast. Allison is very much functional passing so she’s usually the front man to get the professors off their backs, but she also is the front man for a lot of the shit that the family sell for extra spending money. Five and Ben might make potions, but Allison rules the underground black market in slytherin with an iron fist (which gets them into shenanigans involving other kids who Owe Debts)

Diego is on the gryffindor quidditch team and so him and Allison are constantly at each other’s throats on the pitch (Allison sometimes rumors him during matches when she gets within earshot which makes all of the siblings yell at him but she maintains that he gets to use his stupid powers to score points so she should get to as well). Diego gets roped into everything because he’s super soft. He starts a lot of fights because he has vigilante genes so he serves a lot of detentions. His house tolerates him losing them points because the man is a wizard with a quaffle

(Diego and Allison actually practice a lot together, which their respective teams are like HMMMM over but they’re siblings and slytherin knows that Allison would never hesitate to knock Diego off his broom and wave cheerily as he falls to his death, and gryffindor is aware that Diego can, should, and must throw a ball directly at Allison’s dumb face if she gets too close to him because of the Cain Instinct)

(Honestly Allison and Diego do a LOT for interhouse unity, showing that you can still be ride or die for each other while also wanting greatly to kill each other uwu)

Ben is too independent for his own good, which is what gets him into trouble. He likes gardening, and he likes herbs, and sometimes he’s just GOTTA go into the forbidden forest on a full moon to gather these very specific ingredients, c’mon. He also just. Likes spending time in the forbidden forest. He’s Hagrid’s favorite student because he doesn’t bat an eye at all the weird magical creatures, bc homeboy got an eldritch horror in his navel. Ben makes friends with the acromantulas (who have a healthy respect for him after the Horror ate a few of them), patiently avoids the centaurs, and bribes the pixies into giving him their shed wings through liberal application of jam stolen from the Hogwarts kitchens. 

You know what Allison is functional passing and Ben is distinguished passing, all their teachers assume that Ben is the most put together of them but they’re WRONG. They haven’t seen Ben at two in the morning yanking Vanya out of ben because if they don’t break into greenhouse four and help those poor fucking plants the first years are tending to they’re all going to DIE and that’s not fair??? ben is single handedly going to save all those poor plants (and all those first year’s grades)

Vanya is just VIBING, he ends up coming out as trans in fourth year and gets to be roommates with Ben which is pretty sweet. If only Ben didn’t drag him into shenanigans?? All the teachers are like “ah yes Vanya, such a quiet boy not like his siblings at all” but Vanya can will should and must climb onto the roof of the astronomy tower to play his violin because He Just Likes To Be Tall. Vanya once punched a snobby ravenclaw kid in the nose and then stared them down saying “the teachers will never believe you.”

Vanya steals Luther to practice his powers with in unused classrooms the most?? he’s durable. he’ll be fine if Vanya blasts him into a wall with his powers lol

Vanya’s solution to all their problems is “do you want me to blow it up with my powers?” or “do you want me to kill them for you?” 

(All of the siblings now refuse to duel with Vanya except for Luther bc Vanya is RUTHLESS. He WILL murder his siblings (almost) given the chance. They’re all so lucky that Ben is so good at healing and carries extra vials of healing potions on his person otherwise Madame Pomfrey would be VERY CONCERNED)

Five and Klaus probably get into the most shenanigans? Klaus gets less and less afraid of ghosts the more he runs into nice ones like Fred Weasley. Fred also lovingly nurtures Klaus’s absolutely terrible sense of humor and encourages him to prank the whole school. Klaus knows ALL the secret passageways thanks to Fred, a previous owner of the Maurauder’s map, so he’s just like. Constantly in the walls. He once dropped out of the ceiling to get to transfiguration in time and nobody even commented on it because Klaus is just Like That.

(A few people see Klaus’s boney elbows and knobbley knees and thinks he’s a good target for bullying just because he’s a slytherin and interhouse awfulness absolutely it at an all time high so recently after the war. YEAH his siblings step in and put the fear of god into any bullies, but Klaus fights like a cornered raccoon.)

Five is just way too smart and curious for his own good. He likes to poke around, figure things out, and also make money. Five does people’s homework, charges them for potions or rune work, tutors, dismantles shit in the chamber of secrets, ALSO explores the secret passageways (and finds some that weren’t on the map), is lovingly bullied into Friendship Activities with his housemates, breaks into the other houses’s common rooms for funsies, and keeps getting fed by the house elves who found out he can ‘apparate’ like them (without a wand) and have apparently adopted him against his will

Five is the sibling who has his fingers in like. ALL the pies. and just constantly pops up and drags them into things. Five will be helping Klaus with potions homework then glance up and tell Diego he’s cashing in the favor he’s owed for carving runes into Diego’s knives and that Diego now gets to break into Douglas Eddington’s room to steal back Lana Delwich’s diary so that Five can trade it to Lana for her rare Solomon Babik chocolate frog card which Five can give to Barnaby Beeson in exchange for a Large Distraction of Five’s Choice and a sketchy book on ward breaking which Five needs so he can break into the headmaster’s office to get a confiscated dark magic book that has some information Five needs to alter a potion that he’s probably going to make Luther drink later

Five is the sibling who is like “Ugh, I thought I was trading for some nundu ingredients but now i have a Whole Baby Nundu in the basement :/”

Which, of course, Klaus wants to keep despite the poison breath.

“This is literally one of the most dangerous magical creatures, we are not keeping it.” Luther says, unimpressed. However, he definitely has it cradled in his arms and makes kissy faces at it when he thinks no one is looking. (Apparently baby toxic nundu breath only makes Luther sneeze, so there’s that?)

“If you guys are arrested for smuggling I am not bailing you out.” Is Allison’s only decree about the matter.

Honestly I wouldn’t be shocked if someone DID eventually find out about one of the siblings’ powers - however, they would come to entirely the wrong conclusion about them?? Because this is a world of MAGIC and so everything magical has to have a magical explanation, right???

Luther is durable as all fuck???? Uhhhhh maybe he has some like. Troll blood or giant blood something back in his family line, obviously not something he would ever want the world to know about bc of species-ism

Allison can make you do whatever you want with her words????? Maybe she’s part veela? With that charm appeal?

Five is doing. Wandless apparation?? I mean, that’s rare as FUCK but wandless magic is,,, grudgingly accepted though it’s usually only used for small or very familiar spells and not usually something as complex as apparation but OKAY just sit him down and forbid him from doing it anymore bc boy boutta be SPLICED or some shit

Klaus can. Klaus can talk to ghosts. Who are not full ghosts. Hmm. huh. Maybe it’s?? A family ability??? a super rare one? like being a metamorphagus? (What the fuck??????? what the FUCK???????)

Primarily the kids started off paranoid because they believed that their abilities indicated that they weren’t the same type of magic, and they didn’t want to be returned to their father, and then it progressed into “these abilities might make people scared of us (looking at you allison, with your imperius-ass abilites)” or “we can’t afford that kind of scrutiny or curiosity about our powers (they might find out luther is a werewolf or something idk)” and “if we are ‘desirable’ children with ‘rare abilities’ the government might try to split us up and adopt us into weird pureblood families or something OR might try to lock us up (like where would they even put Ben??)”

honestly if ben ever got found out he’d just deadpan “it’s a curse, hand me the black wormroot would you?” and be like “oh yeah it’s under control i just go vibe in the woods every so often and rip up a tree or something. I think the horror wants to be the whomping willow when it grows up actually, so just don’t get too close when i’m in the horror zone. if you can live with a murder tree on campus you can live with me on campus”

someone sees vanya fuck something up with his powers and is like ???? and Vanya is just like “accidental magic lol” 

“aren’t you... a bit... old for accidental magic...”

“accidental. magic.”

[timeforafuckingcrusade4]

Oddly specific Solomon headcannons (requested by a friend)

A lot of these will be very self indulgent because I'm literally in love with him.

Everyone talks about Solomon being a cat lover and you're absolutely right, but also consider him being a bird lover. He most definitely loves owls and other birds of prey, but he thinks aviary birds are extremely cute (finches, cockatiels and budgies and so on) and he has most definitely sat on his windowsill imitating owls at early hours in the morning on multiple occasions.

He absolutely loves going to aquariums and that's his ideal date place, he just loves admiring the fish and all their patterns and the way they swim.

Dresses in very monochrome colours, but I feel like to make an impression he would slap a colourful tie on for a date or a patterned one. Can we all see this man in a really nice tailored suit with a galaxy tie????

A relationship with him? Literally amazing, but he believes heavily in the "if you don't bully your partner at least once are you even partners?" But despite having a bit of fun taking the piss out of you he would be so supportive and affectionate and he would feel awful for making you upset.

Solomon with tattoos? Solomon with tattoos. Why else do you wear long sleeves all the time? You're hiding tattoos for sure.

When first becoming acquainted with him he gave very awkward hugs because people don't like taking hugs from him so he barely has the chance to give them out...please someone hug him he deserves all the hugs. In short he's touch starved.

He most definitely likes going for walks in the countryside but wherever he goes he has to take sun cream with him because he burns suuuuper fast (me too honey me too)

If you're in a relationship with him and you have pets be prepared for many texts, be it asking for photos or asking how they are and god forbid he ever came round to your house...he would not stop admiring your pet.

To add onto the statement above he probably dislikes owning pets because to him they have very short life spans and it really upsets him.

Laughs or remains indifferent at sad films/movies and is always the supportive friend/boyfriend who consoles you if you watch them together

Would literally slay Karaoke. Like everyone expects him to be terrible, but he puts everyone to shame.

Always willing to listen to your music taste because he's very open-minded and he likes being included in your interests be it music, art even sports. He just wants to be involved be it to only hype you up and be supportive or to fully include himself.

He forgets to eat a lot of the time so he can never quite pin what he wants to eat at any moment in time...that could also be why he's so bad at cooking he wants everything at once so it all goes in.

He's both chaos and a chaos enabler. He would spam cursed images in the group chat at stupid times because he thinks it's funny.

He has insomnia, but he often uses lavender scented things to try help him sleep (look at him go like a sexy Karen but without harassing hardworking people) and he also likes hugging his covers when he eventually sleeps :))))

He's amazing with Makeup due to Asmos input he helps you shop for it even if he finds it tedious...if it's with you then it's worth it.

He/They Solomon rights guys.

Give this man more love please he deserves it. He deserves all the kisses and cuddles.

[phairfantooooom]

Dancing with the Devil(s)

In which the brothers try to teach you how to dance (Read: WALTZ)

Mammon

hahahahaha

Oh is he just a ball of nerves!!!!

“Of course the GREAT Mammon can teach you how to dance!”

“I mean how hard can it be, right?”

He doesn’t know where to put his HANDS and his face is just constantly red. Don’t call him out on it he will just get more flustered and start stammering

HE CAN DO THIS DAMMIT

Lol no he can’t Fhskfhskf

He is very gentle and goes verrrryyyy sloowwwwllyyyy because god forbid he accidentally steps on your foot he would probably cry please give this boy a hug he gets stressed out easy

Levi

Mammon v2

He is so stiff and worried he is gonna mess up you gotta guide him a bit

Audibly counts out the beats and is staring at the ground to make sure he doesn’t accidentally hurt you

“Is… I-Is this pace okay with you?”

He actually has good form but he can never relax enough to show it off

His grip on you fluctuates between firm and loose cause he wants you to be comfortable and overthinks how you might be feeling

If he ever relaxes a bit there is a chance that you may hear him humming the melody of the instrumental piece that was currently playing

Beel

It’s like dancing with a big teddy bear

He doesn’t find slow dancing awkward or strange at all and doesn’t mind that his hands are on you

“If you start to feel tired, or your feet start to ache don’t hesitate to tell me.”

Finds dancing with you quite relaxing to be honest

Having you close and mirroring his steps reminds him of when he was a kid and he himself had to take lessons with Belphie

He tends to daydream while you both make your way across the floor, his eyes get a faraway look and sometimes you catch him staring at you with warmth in his eyes

100% would give you a kiss on the top of your head when the dance ended

And then promptly suggest going out to eat

Satan

Has “some” experience

That experience being from him reading books about dancing, he has studied it but never applied it in the actual ballroom this nerd i swear

Although you’d never know this unless he told you, because when he held you in his arms and glided across the floor you fully trusted that the guy had had professional partners before

He enjoys trying out more historical dances from the Baroque era and Renaissance period as he prefers the quaint and modest ways of dancing over modern-day practices.

Can and will twirl you and do complex moves on his part to show off and impress you

He does his best to bring out that charming smile of yours that he fell in love with

“If you want, I can make this an experience one you will never forget.”

Asmo

Oh boy

He is EXCITED

Waltz? Waltz??? “Why don’t I show you how to do the horizontal tango instead”

This boy WILL try to get in your pants at some point while teaching you

Spends less than half the teaching session showing you how to waltz and tries teaching you how to tango instead

Fucker puts a rose in his smug mouth and knows exactly how to work his body to get you flustered

He will dip you, kiss you, and take your breath away in more ways than one

Honestly one of the best dancers of the brothers if not the best

“Perhaps if you perform well enough I’ll give you a private dance…”

Belphie

I mean

The man is the Avatar of Sloth

You are leading most of the time and he is sluggishly following your footsteps while just laying his head on your shoulder

If you aren’t watching he will just straight up fall asleep and his body will go on auto-pilot and sleepwalk his steps

Despite the strangeness of it, he never weights down on you, as if his body regardless if awake or not was constantly trying to not to burden you

Eventually, if you go to take a break and sit down with him beside you he will lie his head gently on your shoulder while quiet murmurs left his lips

“Having you in my arms is one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced.”

Holds your hand even after the session ends and has a soft small smile gracing his face as he gives you a kiss on your cheek

Lucifer

The Pride Dude

It strokes his ego that you came to him for lessons until he remembers that not many people in the house even know how to dance, and then he deflates a little

When you first start out you receive constant reassurance from him, and praise for accomplishing steps in the proper order

Graceful as hell, all his movements are calculated and he has an aura of professionalism around him

If you two are close he might even take his gloves off and hold you with his baRE HANDS It’s scandalous I know

He is a patient and kind teacher, but ONLY because he is soft for you

Makes sure that you have a good time (While still being professional with his teaching) If you try to tease him while dancing you can expect swift revenge

“What sweet punishment should I enact on you, hm?”

BONUS ROUND: The Unobtainable Quartet

Diavolo

Can and WILL sweep you off your feet with his skill

He acts as if its no big deal to dance with you, he’d make a show of it if Barbatos didn’t stop him. The man wants to show you off to the world cause he is so happy to have you by his side

He has been tutored in dancing since he was a kid and you can BET he will take advantage of it to impress you

Will reserve the most extravangent ballroom just to practice with you cause the boi is ExtraTM

If you aren’t careful he might try to sneak in a kiss during one of the times he twirls you

“You’d make an excellent date for my coronation... surely you wouldn’t mind being my partner for it, right?”

Barbatos

The elegant of the elegant

He knows his shit, he was the one who taught Diavolo how to dance

Probably the best teacher next to Lucifer

Also the biggest tease about it. He will not hold back his criticism, but will always provide constructive feedback that you can immediately apply in practice. Even when he corrects you he has this sly smile on his face as if he knew something you didn’t

Classy but also sneaky with his methods of teaching, its hard to get a read on what he is thinking until its far too late

“Surely you didn’t think I’d just teach you for free, did you?”

Simeon

The saving grace

Hasn’t danced in a long time so he is a bit rusty but he warms up quickly with you in his arms

Dancing with him tends to leave a warmth in your heart that makes you feel at home

While teaching you he also teaches Luke and god if that isn’t the fucking cute shit you have ever seen

Luke totally tells Simeon to make a move on you cause he is tired of seeing you two mutually pine for each other but not DO anything he doesn’t want to you end up with one of the wack demon brothers

Simeon asks you on a date after the session and Luke demands to come along as a chaperone

Solomon

"Oh? You're approaching me? Instead of running away, you're coming right to me?" 

"I can't ask you to dance without getting closer, you dumb shady crackhead."

Seems like he has only minimum interest in teaching you while internally he is like fuck yeah

He takes you to this little secluded spot that you didn’t even know existed and then you get to watch him cast enchantments

“It’s so we won’t be interrupted...”

O_o

Ensures that the lesson has a mystical spin on it and will make it it seem like you are dancing in the sky or on the stars and moon.

Surprisingly good at setting a romantic mood and will have you wondering just what the hell had happened after the session ended

“Perhaps next time I can teach you some more... intimate dances.”

--

A/N: jesus this took forevER also lmao so many fucking tags kdjfghsdfg shorter cause god so many characters

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Burned Part 21

Summary:  Alfie Solomons is in need of a secretary. Tommy Shelby mentions a young woman in need of employment. From there the two step into a dangerous dance together.

Part 21: Louise through her pregnancy 

        Louise slowly regained consciousness. She’d never fainted before in her life so the experience was frightening upon waking.

           “Easy.” A voice soothed when she tried to sit up too quickly and got another wave of nausea. A gentle hand guided her back onto the sofa she was lying on. "Can't get up too fast."

           “Where am I?” Louise blinked a few times and looked around.

           “Birmingham.” Polly smiled and rested a damp cloth on the woman’s forehead. “You fainted, luckily Alfie caught you just in time.”

           She felt uncomfortably clammy and still dizzy. “Where is he?”

           “Downstairs with the other men.” Tommy’s aunt answered. “Had to push him out of the room to give you some space to breathe.” Polly had been taken aback by how devoted Alfie appeared. He’d come upstairs in a full panic with his wife in his arms. He shouted that they needed an ambulance but Polly was quick to calm him down. She wasn't aware the man had such a capacity to care.

           Louise closed her eyes, relieved that everything was okay. She took a few deep breaths and feeling began to return to her hands and feet. Still, nausea lingered.

           “When are you due?”

           The question alarmed her. Had Alfie told Polly about the baby? She thought they were keeping it under wraps at least until they couldn’t hide it anymore. “I uh…I don’t know…” She opened her eyes.

           “It’s okay,” Polly assured her and removed the cloth from her forehead. “I won’t tell anyone, not even Tommy.”

           Louise nodded slowly. “I should be ten weeks along, I think.” She answered.

           “Here, try and sit up to drink something.” Polly helped Louise prop herself up against the arm of the sofa. She handed her a cold glass of water. “Do you want to know the gender?” The older woman asked.

           Louise took a few sips of the water and frowned with confusion. “I didn’t know it was possible to know before they were born.”

           “Some have a gift for it,” Polly informed her.

           “Huh…” Louise smiled slightly. “Thank you, but I think I’ll wait. I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise for Alfie. He's impatient but sometimes likes to be surprised by good things.”

           That’s when her husband burst through the door. “She alright?” He’d waited long enough downstairs and refused to linger around another second. He trusted Polly wouldn't harm Louise, but he was still on edge about the pregnancy.

           “She’s perfectly fine,” Polly assured him. “She probably just didn’t eat enough this morning. You need to make sure you’re getting enough food for the baby.” She told Louise and stood up.

           Alfie frowned when she mentioned the baby. He hadn't said anything to the woman when he brought her upstairs. And Louise had agreed they wouldn't tell anyone. “Right…”

           “I’ll let you two have a moment,” Polly said and left the room.

           Louise finished the water and saw the look of worry on his face. “I didn’t tell her.” She clarified. “She just figured it out. Says she could tell me the gender of the baby too.”    

           “Gypsies,” Alfie muttered with an eye roll and went to kneel by her side. “You sure you’re alright? Fucking scared me half to death when you just fell over like that.”

           “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting it either.” She touched his cheek. “But I’m alright now. Guess I can't skip breakfast again like that.” She smiled and tried to ease the tension on his shoulders.

           “Shouldn’t’ve brought you here. Didn’t want you to hear all that.” His jaw clenched. He should've trusted his initial gut reaction when she asked to accompany them to Birmingham. Small Heath wasn't a place for her.

           “Not even when you said I was an angel?” The color began to return to her face.

           He smiled and pressed his forehead to hers. “I’m sure, right, that you already knew.”

           “You’re sweet, Mr. Solomons.”

           “And you, yeah, are the fucking love of me life, Mrs. Solomons.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

           After the fainting spell in Birmingham, Louise was put on bed rest for at least two weeks. She returned to Inglewood for fresh air and took along some medical books she’d requested from the library. It would help pass the time in the dead of winter without him in the countryside. Alfie eyed the books when he drove with her to Surrey.

           “What’re those for?” He grunted when he slid into the backseat of the car.

           “Just something to read while I’m on bed rest.” She answered simply.

           “Yeah? Something ‘bout cancer in there?” He asked when the car began to start down the road.

           “So what if there is?” She challenged and side-eyed him. “I can read about whatever I want.”

           “That wasn’t me point.” He grumbled and fidgeted with the rings on his finger. “M’just saying, Lou, you shouldn’t waste your fucking time. There ain’t anything in that book that’s gonna heal me. The doctor knows what he's talking about, don't he?”

           Her husband’s cynical view didn’t deter her. “I can still read them.” She pointedly looked away from him. She rested a hand on his knee but kept her eyes focused on the streets of London passing by them.

           He grumbled but didn’t put up a fuss. Instead, he focused on her hand. It never failed to make him feel blessed, albeit confused. She was petite to begin with, but something about the delicate nature of her hand baffled Alfie. Especially when she chose to remain so close to him. The odd comparison between her and him was ever-present. Her skin was pale from the persisting English winter, soft from floral-scented creams she’d bought from Paris during their honeymoon. The sapphire on her engagement ring shone just as brightly as the day he picked it out for her. She was diligent in keeping both it and her wedding band clean and polished.

           Such ornate beauty compared to him. He picked up her hand, letting it rest in his palm. His tattoo just visible, several scars poked out from under his sleeve, his cancer was beginning to spread across his already rough hands. Marred and worn down, he never wanted to taint her appearance. Yet she never moved far away. Her orbit was snug around him. A magnet undeterred by disfigurements.

           Precious and the rings on her finger reminded him that she was his. His ring, the one he loved the most, reminded him that he was hers. He smiled to himself and lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles.

           She glanced over and smiled. “I have a present for you back in Camden.”

           “Yeah?” He raised an eyebrow. “So I hafta wait till I get back to see it?”

           “Yes, you’ll have to be a bit patient.” Louise teased. “It’ll be good practice for you. Children require patience, Alfie.”

           “I can be patient, love. I would wait for you for decades if I had to.”

~~~~~~~~

           Alfie returned to Camden Town the next morning. Louise had managed to convince him to stay the night at Inglewood. As she’d instructed, he returned home and went into the china cupboard in the parlor. On the second shelf was a box.

           He sat down, resting the box on his lap to open it. A folded note rested on top of the white fabric that was folded inside. His wife’s handwriting was neat and clean across the piece of parchment.

           For you for Yom Kippur. These past few days, I’ve found myself very upset with God. I could not understand why he would allow such a thing to happen to the person I love so dearly. And yet, I know that He must see the same good in you that I see. These trials we face will be difficult, but I am confident that we will come out just as strong. But I leave a lot of it to you, as there’s only so much I can do as your wife. I hope that you find the strength that I know you have to fight this adversary. You are not the man that others make you out to be. You are the man I love. And who God loves as well. I’m sure of that.

Love, Lou

           Alfie felt overwhelmed when he finished reading the note. He closed his eyes for a second so he wouldn’t cry. Only his wife could bring him to tears with just written words. He took a few deep breaths before opening his eyes and taking out the present. It was a beautifully made tallit with blue stripes near the hem and the traditional knotted fringe. He smiled and held it for a long while, sitting motionless in the parlor.

~~~~~~~~~

           It snowed a few days after Louise arrived at Inglewood. The grounds covered in a good deal of sparkling snow and icicles forming on the eaves of the home. It was a sight to see the crystal scenery left behind, but the freezing temperature was hard to fend off with only fires and quilts. But the cold didn’t keep her from leaving the drafty home. Bundling up in her fur-lined coat and Alfie’s scarf; she made her way to the stables. The groundskeeper had cleared the path, knowing that the lady of the house always made the journey to see the horses no matter what the weather was.

           Alfie made sure Louise wouldn’t ride Paris until after the baby was born. Although the mare was very sound and well behaved after training from May's groom, one could never be careful enough. God forbid something should happen and she should fall off. And although it made her sad, she knew it was a wise decision. She wouldn't risk the safety of her child and there was plenty of time to ride after the baby was due. So she left it to the groom, Mickey, to exercise the mare in her absence.

           The black Friesian poked her head out of the stall when she heard the barn doors close. She nickered softly to her owner, her ears pointed forward in excitement.

           “Hello, gorgeous.” Louise smiled and reached into her pocket for a few sugar cubes. “To much snow to go outside?”

           The mare’s lips were careful as she ate the treats from Louise’s hand. When she was done, Paris stretched out her neck to sniff at her coat.

           “That’s all I’ve got for you.” Louise laughed softly and stroked her cheeks. “I’ll come back with more later today.” She promised.

           Paris snorted and lowered her head, allowing her owner to lavish her with attention. Her big brown eyes slowly closed.

           “So gentle.” Louise murmured affectionately. “You’ll be so happy to meet the baby, won’t you? Such a fierce looking beast, just like Alfie.” She giggled and sighed. “Of course he’ll be perfect.” She pressed her forehead to her neck. The mare’s winter coat was warm against her face. She could hear every breath Paris took. “I’m not worried about him.” Her voice was nearly silent as she spoke to her horse. “Not at all. I’m worried about the rest of the world. I’m worried what the Shelbys have brought to our doorstep.”

           Her mind couldn’t help but replay the conversation Tommy and Alfie had in the cellar. Eleven men. All of them willing to do anything to eradicate the Shelby family, even if it meant harnessing the power of other firms. For all she knew, Luca could have already visited the bakery. She doubted Alfie would tell her right away lest she panic. Certainly, the boxing match would attract attention from all sides. The Shelbys weren’t hiding away. They were standing out in the open with targets painted on their backs. But Louise had little faith that the Italians would ever hit their mark. The Shelbys were good at getting out of trouble.

           But that didn’t mean they didn’t cause collateral damage in the process. Could Louise and Alfie be the collateral damage this time around? Or would it be the cancer that took Alfie away from her? It remained to be seen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

         The winter melted away into spring in due time. Inglewood’s grounds began to flourish again. Louise remained in Surrey instead of traveling back and forth with Alfie. It felt safer and was certainly a calmer place to stay while pregnant.

           One Thursday, Alfie returned to Inglewood after being two weeks away. He was anxious to see Louise and was sick and tired of being separated. His moods were like night and day depending on where he was. In Camden, everyone knew to tread carefully. Little things would set the man off and he wasn’t holding back on punishments. But when he returned home to Louise, his short temper dissolved into nothing.

           He stepped out of the car and glanced at his pocket watch. It was nearly lunchtime so he assumed Louise was inside or maybe on the patio because the weather was beautiful.

           Evelyn greeted him at the door. “Louise is by the stables.” She told him. “I figured you could see if she wanted lunch.”

           Alfie furrowed his brow. “She out there alone?”

           “’Course not.” The young woman, as well as the rest of the staff, knew it was unwise to let the pregnant woman of the house out without an escort. Louise tolerated it, although she thought it would be nice to take a walk by herself. But Alfie insisted, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If he couldn’t be there to protect her, someone else had to be.

           What Louise didn’t know was Luca Changretta had already graced him with his presence. He’d stayed in Camden a little longer just to make sure things were in order. Truly, the man was caught between a rock and a hard place now. Luca would not take no for an answer although Alfie had told him to fuck off many times. If Alfie made enemies with the Americans, he very well could be signing his wife’s death certificate. If he made enemies with the Shelbys, he was signing his own. He was nearly certain that Tommy would spare his wife but Luca would not.

           So he made a deal with the devil and come time for the boxing match, Italians would be there. And it was all because of him.

           “Right.” Alfie nodded. “I’ll ask her ‘bout lunch.” He agreed and started to head around towards the stables.

           Louise was standing by one of the fences, chatting with the stable hand. May Carleton’s groom was leading Paris around in a circle on a long lunge lead.

           Not wanting to spook her, Alfie called out her name as he approached. She turned and a bright smile instantly formed on her face. She trotted a few steps over to him. He embraced her tenderly, kissing her hair. “Sorry I’ve been long.”

           “That’s alright, as long as you’re here now.” She murmured and touched his cheek.

           “Fucking hell, look at you.” He held out his arms to see how much her bump had grown since he’d been away. “Look ready to pop!”

           She couldn’t help but giggle and lightly smack his arm in reprimand. “Stop it, I still have weeks to go.” She reminded him. “I don’t want to get any bigger than this.”

           “Nonsense, you look beautiful. Glowing.”

           “You’re only saying that to flatter me, Mr. Solomons.” She retorted and stuck her tongue out at him.

           “I wouldn’t lie to you, love.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and walked over to the fence where she had been standing. “You well, Aidan?” He greeted the stable hand.

           “Yes, Mr. Solomons, thank you, sir.” The young man replied politely. “M’afraid Paris has gone a bit lame though.” He reported.

           Louise sighed and rested her arms over the top of the fence. “Yes, she must’ve been playing in the field and stepped on a stone. Poor thing.”

           Alfie watched the mare plod around. Her right front was limping, the hoof dragging across the ground. “Will she be alright?” He couldn’t imagine how upset Louise would be if something happened to the mare. Especially when it had been so long since she’d been able to ride.

           “Should be fine with some rest.” Aidan nodded reassuringly. “Nothing too severe.”

           “Well, let me know if there’s anything else that needs to be done. May should be able to handle things as well.”

           Louise rested a hand on her abdomen. “I think I need to sit.” She said and glanced over her shoulder. “My feet are hurting a bit. They've been such a bother.”

           “Of course, love. Let’s get you inside.” Alfie thanked Aidan and led her back to the house. “How’re you feeling other than that?” He wondered. “No pains?”

           “No, things have been going very smoothly.” She nodded and walked slowly alongside him. “How have you been? Getting into trouble?”

           “Trouble?” Alfie chuckled. “Me?”

           “Oh, of course. My Alfie would never get in trouble.” Louise laughed softly.

           “That��s right, perfect angel.” He grinned cheekily and stopped to pull her close. “I love you to bits. I fucking missed you. Like the sun were gone.” He cradled her face in his hands.

           “Then you shouldn’t go away for so long next time.” She replied coyly and drew him close for a deep kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           That night, Alfie could finally rest at ease. The two weeks he was in Camden he didn’t sleep very well. He was always afraid something would happen. During the day, he was too busy to ruminate on his worries. But in the still of the night, he had nothing to think about but his expecting wife.

           Now that he was back in Surrey, he could relax knowing she was right by his side.

           “I hope Cyril’s kept you in good company.” Alfie raised an eyebrow when he spotted a few tell-tale strands of dog hair on his pillow.

           Louise looked a little sheepish as she lay down in bed. “You know he’s gotten more protective.” She tried to defend herself. “Besides it’s lonely without you in this big bed.” She pouted.

           He sighed and brushed the fur off. “Can’t blame you.”

           The bullmastiff plodded into the bedroom and eyed Alfie. He walked over to Louise and rested his chin on the bed. His sad eyes looked up at her.

           “I’m sorry, love, you’ve been replaced.” She chuckled and patted his head.

           “Spoiled mutt.” Alfie rolled his eyes at how much his wife coddled the dog. “C’mon, Cyril, you can sleep on the end.” He let the massive dog curl up on the foot of the bed.

           Louise happily cuddled up next to Alfie, snuggling into the crook of his arm. “Here, I’ve got a surprise.” She reached for his hand and rested it on her stomach.

           “What’d you mean?” He looked confused but let her gently press his fingers against her.

           “Sh…just wait.”

           Patiently, the two remained there almost motionless. Then, like a sudden spark, Alfie felt a small pressure against his hand. His lips parted slightly in shock. “Lou…”

           She smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it just started happening a couple days ago. At first they just felt like butterflies in my stomach but now it really feels like a kick.”

           “Fucking hell.” Alfie let out a stunned laugh, not moving his hand away from her stomach. “Does it hurt?” He had a hard time imagining having something kicking at you from the inside.

           “No, but I’ve still got some ways to go. Might kick a bit harder later on.” Her thumb rubbed circles over the top of his hand.

           “That’s…that’s really something.” He really couldn’t put to words how he felt. It was overwhelming because it was the first physical touch from their child. The first movement of this brand new life. It was surreal and for a moment, Alfie wondered whether or not it was truly happening. He scrunched up his nose and stared at his hand over her stomach. “Oh, Lou, I’m fucking terrified.” He admitted shakily.

           “Of what?” Anxiety struck her face. “Alfie, did something happen in Camden?”

           “No, no.” He waved her off. That was only partly a lie. Something had happened in Camden but that wasn’t the only thing worrying him. “Terrified of that little bit in there.”

           She sighed in relief and smiled. “Scared of your own child?” She reached up to smooth her fingers through his unkempt hair. "Of all the things you could be afraid of."

           “Well,” He rolled his eyes and huffed out a grumble. “M’scared about the whole…fathering thing I guess. It’s fucking silly, innit?”

           “Alfie.” Louise drew his eyes back to her face. “I haven’t the faintest clue how to be a mother. Does any parent truly know when it's their first child?”

           “S’pose not. Should be all instinct, yeah?” He shrugged sheepishly because he still felt unsure of himself. “I’m excited, right, I am. Guess I just never thought I’d end up in a place like this.”

           “What sort of place?” Her hazel eyes were warm as she rested her head on his shoulder. She wanted to distract him from his worries and instead focus on the good things happening in their life together. “Describe it to me.”

           “Alright love, you want a story?” He teased playfully earning a pout. “Right, this place…ain’t like something you read in a fairytale, is it?” His arms wrapped snug around her, keeping her as close as her growing stomach would allow. “But s’beautiful. Lots of things ‘bout it are beautiful. The house is a fucking palace, innit? Beautiful gardens and pastures. Beautiful horse and a handsome looking dog.”Cyril glanced over at Alfie as if he knew he’d mentioned him.

           Louise laughed. “A very handsome dog.”

           “Very handsome.” Alfie grinned. “But you wanna know the most beautiful part of this place is?” He murmured.

           “The man of the house.” She replied matter-of-factly.

           “Ah, no.” He shook his head. “Bit funny looking, ain’t he?”

           Louise frowned and lifted her head. “Absolutely not. He’s stunning in every way.” She argued.

           Her husband smiled and held up a hand. “Now, hang on, this is my story. You can tell me your story tomorrow. ‘Sides I was just getting to the best part.”

           She wanted to correct him again but decided to let him have a bit of fun. “Fine, continue.” She relented and rested back against his chest.

           “Thank you.” He kissed her forehead before continuing. “As I were saying, the most beautiful thing ‘bout this place is the woman who lives here. Fucking gorgeous. Looks beautiful in every color imaginable. Real posh, but has a big heart. ‘Cause that’s the most beautiful thing ‘bout her. How she can love someone like me. Ain’t never had anyone care so much. And I’ve never cared about someone else so much. Now she’s carrying our child.” His hand returned to her stomach. She laced her fingers with hers and let their entwined hands rest there. “There’ll be a family living here. Beautiful family. And m’fraid you’ll have to wait to find out more. ‘Cause we ain’t there yet.”

           Louise smiled contently. She raised her head a bit to press a kiss to the corner of his lips. “Soon.”

           “Yeah, love, soon.”

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla​ @giftofdreams​

Tag list: @vehement-care​ @kimmietea​ @eleventhdoctorsangel​ @fire-treasure-iii​ 

[sparklingichigo]

BEACH VACATION

Part 7

So here they are in the grocery store, the only missing thing is cheese but apparently Diavolo and Asmo decides to make things worse. Poor Luci... 

Asmo: Are you sure that’s a good cheese? I think mozzarella is better! 

Diavolo: Oh? But I bought Cheddar earlier. 

Lucifer: [sigh] Just get both. 

Asmo: Okay! Oh, I also want to get- 

Lucifer: No Asmo, no drinking... 

Asmo: But- 

Lucifer: No, we will not have alcohol. It may harm the humans 

Asmo: Solomon’s a good drinker though?

Lucifer: I’m not talking about him! He can get drunk for all I care! 

Asmo: Ichigo’s a good drinker! 

Lucifer: [smacks Asmo] No! You will not harm the girls! 

Diavolo: If you want alcohol so badly I have wine in my room 

Lucifer: Don’t encourage him! 

Diavolo: Oh don’t worry, I’m sure we’re all responsible drinkers right?

Lucifer: I wouldn’t say that if I were you, Diavolo... 

Asmo: You have wine?! Okay! We’ll your wine then! Let’s get paying and get this party star-

Lucifer: Asmoooooooooo!!! 

Asmo: Okay, okay! 

Meanwhile at the twin’s room, Beel and Ichigo are snacking on french fries that he orders, mostly Beel because he’s quite hungry. 

Ichigo: I think that’s enough Beel, the barbecue party is soon and you might get full 

Belphie: Bold of you to assume he was ever full

Ichigo: I know but this mountain of fries? 

Belphie: Just leave him be, if he doesn’t get “full” he might get cranky and destroy this whole hotel

Beel: No, of course not! I won’t! 

Ichigo: [sigh] Beel, we’re gonna have barbercue anyways, do you mind sharing it with the others?

Beel: I think I should, does Asmo want some? Satan? Levi? I bet the wants some while watching his anime 

Ichigo: That’s a good idea! Let’s go! You coming Belphie?

Belphie: I guess, so I can have more pillows 

Beel: Let’s go then! 

Before they can even go, they hear a knock on their door. Of course Beel being Beel he opens the door and sees Solomon there. 

Solomon: Have you guys seen Asmo? 

Beel: Not that I know off, why? 

Solomon: We were sleeping together earlier and now he’s gone 

Ichigo: Who is it Beel? 

Beel: Oh it’s Solomon, he’s looking for Asmo! 

Ichigo: Oh he went to the grocery store with Lucifer and Diavolo 

Beel: Yeah, as she said 

Solomon: Oh thank God- 

Beel: Solomon no- 

Solomon: My apologies... oh thank Simeon

Suddenly a heavenly portal opens up with Simeon peeking from it 

Simeon: For what? 

Solomon: Oh nothing, these guys forbid me from saying the “God” word so I’ll just use you for it 

Simeon: Don’t??? 

Solomon: Why not?? 

Luke: OMG SHUT UP DONT MAKE ME ASK SIMEON TO PULL YOU HERE!! 

Solomon: Please don’t-

Luke: Exactly

Simeon: Oh well, I’ll go back to work 

The portal closes with Beel and Solomon staring at it awkwardly. Well that’s a ride... 

Beel: So... we’re going to Levi’s room later you coming?

Solomon: Sure, I’m lonely anyways. 

Ichigo: Normally Solomon, normally 

Solomon sighs and closes the portal he just opens. 

Ichigo: Why waste on your magical energy when you can just walk? It’s just two rooms away anyways. 

So all four of them go to Levi’s room to join him to watch Anime, there Levi and Mammon are still arguing on which anime to watch. 

Mammon: Can’t we just watch this one? I thought we both like TSL! 

Levi: I’ve watched that one! Let’s just watch Ruri’s newest episode! 

Mammon: But- 

Before he can even continue, Mammon hears a knock on the door so he annoyedly opens the door. 

Mammon: What do ya want?! 

Ichigo: Hey, can we join you? 

Beel: I brought snacks and there’s Belphie and Solomon too 

Levi: Oh? You normies wanna watch too? We’re not watching TSL though. 

Ichigo: That’s okay^^ If you wanna watch Ruri’s newest show we’ll go with that 

Levi: [happy crying] S-So moe... 

Belphie: Stop your simping already, can’t we get the show on the road? I’m getting sleepy! 

Levi: O-oh right, let’s go! 

Levi lets them in to watch the show while they’re waiting for Lucifer, Asmo and Diavolo to return. Meanwhile with Satan and Reika, the two are walking around the shore with the beach wind blowing and the moon shining beautifully. 

Satan: Aren’t you cold? You seem to be shivering the whole time?

Reika: N-no.. I’m fine^^ 

Satan: [sigh] Why didn’t you use your jacket? It’s gonna be cold at night 

Reika: ... 

Satan: Oh why do I bother, here use my jacket. 

Satan takes off his jacket and puts it around Reika so she won’t get cold. 

Reika: But what about you? 

Satan: [shrugs] I’m a demon and I use this jumper so I’ll be fine. 

Reika: Oh okay, thanks a lot! 

Reika gives a peck on Satan’s cheek as appreciation causing the avatar of wrath to turn slightly red, he was not used to such affection. 

Satan: Yeah.. you’re welcome^^ 

He was calm on the outside but inside he’s freaking out. It even causes Reika to stare at him confusedly because he’s so quiet after all his intellectual talk. 

Reika: Are you okay?

Satan: Yeah, I’m fine. Anyways, as I was saying... 

Satan continues to explain about the wonders of the ocean from the books he read back in devildom, he barely visits the human world so finally seeing everything in real life is so fascinating to him. 

Reika: Maybe I can take you on human world trips some time? 

Satan: Unfortunately the one with human world’s acces is only Lucifer, I can’t open such portal, it needs great power and even Mammon can’t open it. 

Reika: Then I’ll ask Diavolo 

Satan: You sure? There’s no need for that^^ 

Reika: Alright then 

Satan: Oh my, what time is it? 

Satan checks his phone and turns out it’s 8 p.m  

Satan: Oh no! It’s already 8! Let’s go back! 

Reika: Oh, alright! Let’s go! 

But on their way back, Reika turns thirsty and ask Satan to accompany her to buy some drinks. Luckily the two find a minimarket near the hotel. Satan ends up with coca cola dan Reika buys sprite. Reika is about to pay for her drinks but Satan stops her. 

Satan: Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it. 

Reika: Noo, there’s no need! I have enough money for this- 

Satan: Come on, Reika, it’s our date. It’s the least I could do 

Reika pouts and nods agreeing to Satan paying for their drinks. After that they return to the hotel with Lucifer glaring at the two of them. 

Lucifer: Where were you? 

Satan: So? She’s with me anyways! She’s not in danger and even if she does I can protect her! 

Lucifer: That’s not why I’m worried! I’m aware of your powers, what I’m worried about is YOU being with HER, ALONE! 

Satan: How is that your business?! Yes, we are dating! And so what?!

Diavolo: There there, Lucifer... it’s okay, they’re just hanging out. She’s not harm now is she?

Lucifer: [sigh] Fine... 

Lucifer storms away leaving the three of them alone. Reika is worried because the fact that they’re dating just ruin their brotherly love. 

Reika: Lord Diavolo, is Lucifer okay? 

Diavolo: He’s quite cranky ever since Beel ate the cheese... maybe it’s the stress... he keeps on overthinking everything. 

Satan: That’s Lucifer for you 

Diavolo: In your case, the least you could do is tell some of them about where your abouts so he won’t get worried! 

Satan: [sigh] I’m a grown adult! Why can’t he just not be overbearing for once?! Just because he’s my biological dad I ended up being his brother anyways! 

Diavolo: Alright then, I’ll let you calm down. Just let us know if you’re up for the barbecue party 

Diavolo leaves them alone going to his room to comfort Lucifer after all the stress he’s having. Poor Lucifer... he shouldn’t be overthinking things but that’s just his nature. 

[buckys-beach]

A Shelby Caught Out With A Solomons

PART ONE   PART TWO   PART THREE  PART FOUR

Imagine: Your secret relationship with the infamous London gangster was going extremely well. Well, as good as it could be considering you were a Shelby. But it all comes crashing down once your brothers discover you on your knees in front of him.

Pairing: Alfie Solomons x Shelby!Reader

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: A bit of smut, swearing (obvs) and name calling :(

“Fuckin’ hell luv what you doing’ here?” the gruff voice of the infamous London gangster boomed throughout his office

“It’s a surprise Alf” your grin spread from ear to ear, clearly excited to see your boyfriend, or your secret boyfriend.

Suddenly Alfie jumped off of his chair to encase you into your favorite pair of arms. His beard scratched away at your ear, but you didn’t mind. You treasured moments like these with Alfie, as you didn’t get them all that often, especially since you live in Birmingham and especially since you were a Shelby.

“As you know, you have a meeting with my three darling brother’s tomorrow, so I made up an excuse for them to bring me with them so I could see my favorite gangster” You explained

“(Y/N) don’t be saying that too loud or else Tommy will hear ya and get sad that he’s not your favorite” He joked, “Now get that arse over here and give me a proper kiss”

Almost running over to him your lips collide together in desperation to feel one another again, you instantly melt at the familiar feeling which automatically sends butterflies whirling in your stomach. Alfie deepens the kiss, swiping his tongue across your lip asking for entrance, which of course you grant without a second thought. A small grunt escaped the bearded man, your hands work up to his hair, gently massaging, knowing full well how much he liked it, you smirked into the kiss.

“Luv, look what you’re doin to me, Alfie fuckin Solomons like putty in a fuckin gypsy’s hand” He muttered. This in turn rewarded him a hard slap on the side of his head.

“Hey, you know I don’t like it when you call me that!” you protested, a frown forming on your once glowing face.

“I know I know, just kidding I was, God you can’t make a joke now a day” he exasperates. But you two soon crack a smile at each other, unable to stay mad at him at any time, which was an extremely annoying quality you found that Alfie had, love just radiating from both of you.

“I love you Alf, and I bloody missed you” You admit shyly, neither of you were that good at sharing emotions, but surprising your relationship had blooming well over the last year. Although you did spend weeks upon weeks apart, you two made the most of time when you eventually got to see each other.

“I love ya too pet, and you’re here now so no more whining, and no more hitting. You’ve got quite a swing on ya, that fucking hurt” He grumbled, holding his hand to his head in exaggeration.

Bringing your lips to his ears, you whisper “Well, I suppose I have an idea to make up for that”

His face suddenly hardens, along with other parts of his body, eyes cloud with lust and mind flooding with images of you on your knees

“Well, I’m not sure what you could do to make me forget about the pain, because that really really hurt luv” He played along, a cheeky grin adorned on that beautiful face, even though both of you knew full well that Alfie Solomons could get shot and not even grimance.

“Oh trust me sweet, you’ll forget all about it” You knew Alfie loved it when you were confident, and the thought of any of his workers walking in, hell even hearing what you two were doing only egged him on further. Though your relationship was very much a secret, Alfie’s men were an exception to that rule. It’s not that he trusted any of them, Alfie only trusts you and he makes that clear almost every single day, it’s just that they could only imagine the kind of torture Alfie would reward them with if they spilled your repeated visits to his office and his house to the rest of the Shelby’s.

You gently pushed Alfie back into his chair, he fell into with a small huff, but quickly sat up straight, staring into your eyes, anticipation coursing through his veins. Reconnecting your lips, but not for long, as you soon descended onto the your knees and under the desk in front of you boyfriend.

The cold sensation of the floor hit sending shivers up your spine, being able to already imagine the red marks that will stain them for the next couple of days. But you quickly stopped worrying about your brothers finding out and set on the task of giving your boyfriend the best blow job of his life to show him just how much you love and missed him.

Gently you glided your fingers from the bottom of his legs to his firm thighs, which never failed to get you rather flustered. Your fingers left ghosted patterns across the top of Alfie trousers, but never touching him where he truly desired.

His breathing was already becoming deeper and heavier, impatient eyes bore into yours, signaling that he was more than ready to have your lips wrapped around him after almost 3 weeks a part.

Giving in to those puppy dog eyes you began unzipping the man’s trouser, where he finally sprang to attention. A sigh of relife slid past the lips of your lovers and you urgently jumped into action.

Sliding your tongue from the base to the tip, circling it when you eventually reached the top, never missing a beat and never wavering your eye contact with Alfie

“Fuckin’ hell luv I sure have missed you” He moaned, roughly his hands grabbing handfuls of your hair, which would inevitably make it look like a birds nest but you could deal with that later.

Just as you’re about to take him all onto your mouth, a knock on the door sounds. Despite this you carry on, Ollie would catch on that you two were very much busy and leave you guys alone, as he always did, but the knocking this time was persistent and rather annoying.

“Fuck off Ollie I’m fuckin busy” Alfie shouted in frustration, ready to shove the rest of his cock down your throat.

Luckily if Ollie did come in you would be completely concealed from view, as you were on your tucked away under Alfie’s desk in front of him, so you continued working you mouth up and down him like it was the last time you would.

“Sorry to interrupt Alfie, but it’s important” A voice cut through the silence of the room, your actions suddenly halted, that was certainly not Ollies voice.

“Hi Alfie” Two other voices called to the gangster, both yours and Alfie’s actions completely faltered. Those voices didn’t hold either Alfie’s black country accent, or even the wishy washy accent that the Londoners had. No, this accent was identical to your own and those voices belong to your older brothers. Panic begins to pump through your body, you were in a room with your brothers and a dick was in your mouth.

Without making the usual pop sound, you slid you lips from Alfie, gently tucking himself back into his trousers for him, knowing that if he did it would draw their attention. Silently thanking Alfie for buying this ridiculously sized desk, which was now a blessing.

“You guys are fuckin early, not saying I’m not happy to see my favorite gypsies, but I was in the middle of somethin’” Alfie jumped back into form, standing from his chair reaching across to shake each of their hands, with the hands he had just a second ago tangled in their beloved sister’s hair. You pushed the thought aside, kneeling like a statue.

‘Okay this isn’t that bad, I’ll just stay like this until their meeting is over, then Alfie and I can carry on seeing each other and Tommy, Arthur and John could carry on thinking I just take regular visits to London to see our dear sister’ you thought.

“Sorry about that Mr. Solomons, but some other business has come up back in Birmingham. So we will be leaving straight after this” Tommy grunted back, the three taking a seat in front of your boyfriend’s desk, not even a meter away from you. But at this statement you perked up, what business?

“Well what the fuck is going on there that you had to interrupt me for?” Alfie grunted, half wanting Tommy to answer because he knew how crazy your mind must be whirling with immediate worst case scenarios, and the other half because the Shelby brothers interrupted his precious alone time with you.

“Nothing for someone like you to worry about” John replied, you could only imagine the glare Tommy was sending him for talking to Alfie like that.

“What my brother means is, that it’s just some family business. We’ve just found out our dear sister, who often travels down to London to presumably stay with our other sister, hasn’t actually visited her for the past couple of months. So as you can imagine we are concerned about our little sister’s whereabouts” Tommy explained, trying to reason with Alfie to get him into a good mood.

Your heart dropped at this statement, fuck. They knew that you were keeping a secret, and you knew that they wouldn’t stop interrogating you until they found out the true reason for you to lie to them. But if they found out the truth then they, especially Tommy, would forbid you from coming to London ever again! All your family wanted to keep you from the family business, they all decided that you were too innocent to stomach what went on behind closed doors. Even if this at first bothered you, you now thought of it as a relief. As what they didn’t know was that you were very much hands on in Alfie’s business, so as long as you didn’t know any secrets of your families, then you couldn’t betray either businesses.

“She sounds like a fuckin’ handful. But if yer like I’ll ask around the men and see if they’ve heard anything about the infamous Shelby sister running around London. What’s her name again?” Smooth Alfie, asking for my name and pretending like you weren’t moaning it only 5 minutes ago.

“(Y/N) Shelby” Arthurs voice answers, this slightly broke your heart as you’ve always been closest to the oldest Shelby, him acting as a sort of father figure to you. You weren’t the youngest out of the Shelby bunch, but being in between Ada and Finn, you were one of the youngest. Which meant each of you brother, even Finn, had that instinctive protectiveness to keep you away from any danger they deemed necessary.

Imagining the look on your families faces if they discover that you’ve been fooling around with once enemy and now ally Alfie Solomons, would break their hearts. Surely they’d drag you back home and keep you inside the betting shop for the rest of your life and probably come back up to London to do the unimaginable to Alfie for corrupting their little sister. It came to your attention just how important it was that this relationship was kept hidden, at least until your and Alfie’s relationship was ready to be told.

Unfortunately, the spider that decided to crawl up your arm did not get the vital message, as you felt the little legs race up your arm. The blood drained from your face, once again, and without even thinking a screech left your lips immediately jumping from beneath the desk, shaking around like a lunatic trying to get the buggar off of you.

Your brothers automatically drew their guns to point at the new person who was hiding in the room, but all three of their actions wavered upon meeting the familiar figure of their little sister.

Alfie’s composure immediately sobered, knowing that there was no way this would end well, so he trying to diffuse your screams, took you by the arms, halting your frantic jumping.

“Luv it’s gone now, you probably bloody killed the poor thing” He tried to soothe you, the simple pet name just rolling off his tongue. This gesture calmed you, but caused all three of your brothers to freeze.

“(Y/N/N?)” Arthur was the first to speak.

This brought you back to the situation which you now found yourself in. Almost getting whiplash in how fast your head snapped up to meet the eyes of your brothers, you could only imagine what sort of state you were in. Messy hair, red knees and swollen lips, it was abundantly clear as to what you were doing to the bearded man standing before them, you shook off Alfie’s touch and edged towards your family.

“What the fuck is going on?” John was next to speak, a look of anger was washed upon his face, eyebrow creasing as proof. You glanced at Arthur, who just had pure confusion plastered on his face. Reluctantly you turned to look into Tommy’s eyes, the brother which you did your most best to impress, unlike usual, there wasn’t that blank stare in his eyes. No, you would have preferred that stare, anything other than the look of pain and betrayal that was situated there now.

You tried your best to come up with an explanation, but the words just failed.

Alfie looked at you, seeing the person he loved most in the world in this sort of pain, he shrugged off the hurt he initially felt when you brushed off his touch and decided to say something.

“Well, at least ya know where she is now” His failed attempt to diffuse the situation, of course only made things worse.

Arthur suddenly pulled out his gun, aiming it straight at Alfie’s head, “You shut the fuck up, I want to hear from (Y/N)” He bellowed, gun waving in rage throughout the air.

In response to this your brain began to function normally again, springing immediately into action you positioned yourself in front of Alfie, protecting him from your brothers. Your protective stance was apparently shocking to you brothers, because once again confusion filtered through each of their expressions,

“Right, I know that I haven’t been honest with you for the past year” You began, already creating a whole new problem

“A FUCKING YEAR?!” John interjected, Arthur let out a started laugh but Tommy stayed dead silent, staring right into your eyes, waiting for an explanation.

“Alfie and I have been seeing each other over the past year. And I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you would react like this” You pleaded at each of them, but holding the most eye contact with Tommy, knowing full well that it was Tommy’s opinion which matter, because what he says goes.

“Of course we fucking wouldn’t, no sister of mine is going to be Solomons fucking whore” Johns words felt like a slap across the face, you couldn’t believe your own brother would assume that about you. Tears began to prick behind your eyes, Alfie sensed your distress, anger began to fill his body.

“Right, don’t fuckin talk to her like that alright?” He snapped, rage warning John to back down or this won’t end very well for his wellbeing.

“She’s our fuckin sister you listen to me, she may have had your cock in her mouth but we are the ones who bloody raised her” John spat back, your cheeks erupted into flames and you stomach turning.

“(Y/N) get away from him” Arthur seethed, gun back in its original place, pointed straight at Alfie’s head.

“No” You screamed, tears now freely running down your face.

“Luv, just please move out of the way of the gun, I don’t trust your fuckin’ monster of a brother with that thing, yeah?” Alfie tried to reason with you, but your feet were planted in front of him, as if they were screwed into the ground.

It now became a shouting match between Arthur and John threatening Alfie, and Alfie shouting right back at them.

“Tommy please” You chocked, gazing into those piercing blue eyes which were identical to your own.

He just remained silent, as if he was formulating a plan out of this situation. The shouting had now stopped, Arthur and John both waiting for Tommy’s input in the situation, knowing full well if Tommy allowed it, they wouldn’t hesitate in blowing out the brains of the man who held your heart.

“It’s not a fucking business decision Thomas, I’m your sister” You seethed, why couldn’t they just accept it? Tommy knew full well that he couldn’t judge who you were in bed with, especially with his choice of women.

“You should have thought about that before you betrayed this family” His cold words sliced through your skins, it almost felt as bad as if he swung his razor blade hat at your heart.

“I love him” You declared, Arthur and John scoffed, Tommy’s face remained unchanged. But Alfie’s hand slipped into yours, this action caused yet another round of shouting from the two brothers, but Tommy just stared.

“Tommy, I know this isn’t the best circumstances mate, fuckin hell even a blind man can see that” Alfie took his turn to try to reason with the man, “But I bloody love her, and I can tell you honestly, no matter how fucking hard I tried, she never once gave me information about your company”

Tommy looked between you and Alfie, almost as if he believed that truthful statement, but all too soon his eyes changed. From the blue eyes of your older brother, to a stranger who held no emotion towards you.

“Well then (Y/N), I hope you have a happy life with Mr. Solomons here, at least before he throws you out of his bed when he gets fed up with you. But when that does happen, don’t bother coming home” With that final statement Arthur and Johns eyes dart between you and Tommy. Your heartbroken expression clear through the tears cascading from your face forming a small puddle at your feet.

“Tom, that a bit harsh-” Arthur was cut off by Tommy’s hardened stare, and with one last glance from John and Arthur, all three turned their backs on you and walked out of Alfie’s office, where you crumpled to the floor, your cries drowning out Alfie’s comforting words.

[ninequestions9]

Ureem, 25, Actuary

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

I think it would be just to balance everything in life because in life you’ve got so many priorities. You’ve got work, you’ve got your family, church, God, and making sure you’re being satisfied there. Essentially you’re learning, you’re continuously finding answers to your questions. At work, I wouldn’t say it’s frustrating. I would say it’s a bit more challenging. I was talking about this with my godmother, she lives in England. A couple of days ago she wished me happy birthday so I just responded to her with a rant. She lives in the town of Lincoln and she’s a missionary. She became my godmother because she was very good friends with my mom in Pakistan while she was visiting so my mom wanted her to be my godmother.

    Anyhow, so she and I were talking about how life as a Christian in a corporate world can be challenging because everyone keeps saying you have to climb this imaginary ladder and the only way to get anywhere is climbing up. God forbid you take a step down. Then everyone has their own secular based opinion on what kind of projects you want to get on, networking, even if you don’t like talking to people, you’re supposed to be this version of yourself. That’s been the most challenging part. Being in an environment where people are focused on career rather than viewing career from a very spiritual level. I think the one thing I concluded in the conversation with my godmother was that after much going back and forth with my own self, side lining my ego, and just saying to myself “It’s ok if I don’t get on the most career benefitting project.” And it’s ok if I don’t love what I do. One thing when I was in college, everyone said if you love what you do you’ll never work a day. I was like “Ok, great, that’s fine.” Unfortunately, with what I love to do, you can’t always put food on the table. So there’s always that inherent responsibility. I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter if you love what you do, as long as you mildly enjoy it. I guess I’m there. But it matters that you love who you do it for and to me that’s God. So if I love God, whatever I do, I do it for him. Coming to that conclusion has definitely been the most challenging part and finding those answers is frustrating. We’re now at the back end of it all, but yeah that was definitely the most challenging and frustrating part of this past year.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

Patience. I feel like at times I act on impulse before praying about things; that’s not my go-to thing. I think I act on impulse and I feel like certain things can be avoided if I had prayed about it or was a bit more cognizant of it. Definitely patience. Definitely a bit more time to think about things, to think about steps, decisions. I’ve definitely learned from my mistakes. There are definitely things I’m a bit more cognizant about when I take my time to think about them. And to be fair, I think that acting on impulse is a kind of general theme around our generation. As much as I’d like to distance myself from people my own age, unfortunately, I tend to make the same mistakes. Some people will say that’s youth, but I try to find ways not to use that excuse. Just be a bit more wise or ask God to grant me wisdom. If Solomon can do it, why can’t I?

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Loyalty and honesty. They kind of go hand in hand. Just loyalty in general is one of the first things I look for. The second thing…it’s important, but it’s not that important; It helps bridge the gap a lot easier, coming from different cultural backgrounds, but having a similar world view. If it’s faith based, that’s good, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. It just has to be a bit more rational in leaving space for question. I think that’s a good foundation for a good friendship. Lastly, probably a good sense of humor. A good sense of humor is kind of subjective. I was with a friend and he was showing me certain memes and I didn’t really find them funny, but I snickered, just to be nice. But I guess that’s why it’s important to have a similar world view because the jokes that he was sharing with me stem from a very different world view. So that’s why we didn’t really click on the sense of humor as a consequence of not having a similar world view.

4. What makes you feel brave?

I was reading something by Winston Churchill once and he said something like if you do have enemies, it’s a good thing because it means you’ve stood up for something in your life. Not sure how much I level with that, but it’s a good starting point. What makes me feel brave is if I do something that I know I’m not Biblically incoherent or outside of God’s will. If I’m standing for something that is Biblically coherent and within God’s will, then I know I have nothing to fear. If you think about it, people like Abraham, like Joseph, they were asked to do some really incredible things. Joseph was asked to take his wife and his child to Egypt and, overnight, he was asked to take a pregnant woman, who might have been stoned to death for adultery. Abraham was asked to pack up and leave home and go to Egypt. But there was this sense of bravery in them mainly because they knew it was God’s will. I’m not going to bring up the argument of Biblical coherency, but for them it was that God asked them to do something, they did it, and that’s why they felt brave. Not because of their own bravery but because they knew God was leading them. So moments like those.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

As odd as it sounds, I guess, surrendering control because there are many times in life when you have to do it and you’re only in control of your life when you know that you’re not in control of your life. At least that’s what I’ve experienced. I’ve only ever been content with my life when I’m not planning things or plotting moves for the future. None of them are nefarious but anyway…but yeah I think that’s the only time when I’ve not felt vulnerable. I’ve always constantly felt vulnerable when I’m planning for the future and I guess that’s the error. I’m trying to enthrone my own will for my life and I need to stop doing that. The more I stop doing that, the more content I am with the present. I’m sure God doesn’t say “Don’t plan for the future.” God doesn’t endorse the whole YOLO thing. He doesn’t endorse the brand, but he knows it’s true. God definitely wants you to plan for the future, but he doesn’t want that to be your thing that you’re doing. In the Bible God says the animals and birds in the sky I take care of and you are more valuable to me than these things so why wouldn’t I take care of you; why wouldn’t I see what’s best for you? Why worry about these things? Vulnerability strikes when I try to control things and then when things go out of my control I’m like “Oh, crap.”

6. What was your proudest moment?

I don’t think I’ve ever been that proud of myself. I don’t think I’ve done anything noteworthy. As strange as that sounds. Noteworthy things have happened in my life, but I don’t think I’ve deserved them. I kind of shy away from taking credit because I know how much work I put into things and how much is God’s grace. That’s why there’s not many things I’m proud of in my life, but I’m proud of my parents. They showed immense bravery for leaving everything in Pakistan behind, leaving their positions, leaving all the hard work they put in to get to the places they wanted to be in order to hit the reset button. I’m proud of them for that because that takes immense bravery. I haven’t done anything like that to be proud of myself about.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Personally, I don’t like to have role models, especially humans. What I do like to have are people that I can learn from. My dad is not the perfect father, but he has qualities that I’m proud of and experiences that I have learned from. Earlier on, we were talking about my career and somethings that have been challenging; my father’s actually experienced that and I was too young to understand what he was going through, but now I do. I’m learning from some of his experiences that he went through when I was fifteen and I’m gaining context now when I’m twenty-five and kind of going through similar experiences. Similarly, I’ve got other individuals around me who when they were going through these experiences I was too young to understand them, but now I’ve reached a point in my life where I understand them a lot better. I wouldn’t say I have role models, but I have a lot of people I can learn from  and lean not to make the same mistakes. I’ve got good mentors who advise me not only on the good things they’ve done but also on the bad decisions they’ve made.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

The world is shallow. Don’t get swallowed by the shallowness of it all. You see so many things, bright lights and all that, but it’s very hollow and it will never satisfy you. In my own life, I’ve experienced that. It’s always when I’m in New York unfortunately. That’s like my go-to thing. Nothing against the city or the people who live there, but I think that what I’ve always experienced is this amazing sense of loneliness.

    I was in church last week and the pastor was referencing a quote from Mother Teresa and I think Mother Teresa once said essentially, the West is stricken with a poverty of loneliness and I think that stems from us chasing after things that really have no long lasting meaning. In life you go from graduating high school, some people don’t even get to do that, then some people either go to college or some people go to vocational school or wherever. Check. Then some people find a girl, settle down, get a family. Check. I feel like people around us who think from a secular view think about life as a check list; keep marking off things, keep marking off things. That’s where the shallowness comes from. In 2018, you need these clothes, this hairstyle; 2019, this is in. The color of the year is magenta now. Who comes up with this stuff? Then people go to cocktail parties and say “I’m wearing so and so” and you’re just like “Cool. Great.” It’s such a shallow chase. It’s good to have money, but the chase of it is so shallow and hollow. It doesn’t satisfy you. I know on Instagram you see so and so with so and so and we all just wind up competing with one another and then some of us lie. It’s just an endless chase of being something that the world wants you to be. On the other hand, Jesus says come to me all who are labored and I will give you rest. At times to some people, that sounds too good to be true. In reality it’s not. So that’s one thing I will impart to the younger generation is stop chasing after life and the shallowness of it all and start searching for truth.  

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

Jesus was a very interesting figure. There are a lot of tags and labels you can put on Jesus. There are many times I think about what it must have been like. In the academic world, when Jesus started his ministry, it’s referred to as the ‘Jesus Movement.’ Just because the things that he said that were so controversial; “Love one another,” “Pray for your enemies” and all those things. I love how he responded to people. My favorite response of his was when he was in Jerusalem and the teachers of the law come and they want to trap him because the Roman soldiers were there and they wanted him to commit some sort of blasphemy. They basically wanted him to say don’t pay taxes to Caesar because they thought he was a nationalist Jewish leader. They ask him, “Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar?” What happens is, Jesus responds by asking for a coin and he asks the crowd “Whose face is on this coin?” They say, “Caesar.” Then he says, “Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. Give to God what belongs to God.” A lot of people have said that if the questioner was asking from a place of honesty, he should have had a follow up question. The follow up question should have been, “What belongs to God?” More likely than not, Jesus’s response would have been “Whose image is on you?” That would earn a Mic drop! And that is such a great way of how he maneuvered through people’s questions. I think that was the most fascinating thing to see was God’s wisdom. That’s just amazing. There’s a reason that to this date we haven’t seen anyone speak like that or we haven’t heard anyone say things like that.

    More secular people like to refer to Gandhi and bring up his examples, but Gandhi wouldn’t have been here had he not attended a lecture on the Beatitudes at UCL in London. So his nonviolence movement actually stemmed from the Bible. It didn’t happen because Gandhi was nonviolent. So the originator of this idea of nonviolence and this sheer sense of wisdom stems from Jesus. There are a lot of labels, but I think it’s really God’s wisdom and how he and Jesus brought everything back to God’s relationship with man and his identity and what he’s going to do for us. That’s what fascinates me about him the most because he always tries to show us what’s important.