#god do i love a good melon

[murderless-crows]

i just ate some melon and it was so fucking great guys

first bite, a mouth full of sweetness. i tear into the rest over the sink like some kind of starved animal, juice dripping over my chin

pure flavour explodes on my tongue, I'm devouring it like my life depends on it, i don't know if I'm biting or just straight up drinking it

my sister looks at me. i look at her and stop for just a second, whale eyes like a dog caught sinking its fangs on Christmas' dinner

she asks if i can cut some of it for my nephew

why yes, I'll share this piece of summer in unholy communion with him

anyways yeah it's a pretty good melon

[byanyan]

ok I'm gonna finish the last verse update tomorrow... didn't have dinner until fuckin 10pm and now I'm a lil drunk playin some ow so. yeah lmao

[iruiji]

SAGAU but Creator Reader has been tagging along with the Gourmet Supremos.

If you didn't know or have forgotten, Gourmet Supremos are one of those quest series that is randomized because some part of the questline can only be accessed with dailies (like Whispers in the Wind or Snezhnaya Does Not Believe in Tears or Garcia's Paean).

This questline spans from Inazuma up to Sumeru. I think there were 6-7 quests in total? I forgot. (it's 8).

(These are Julie, Parvaneh and Xudong in order.) There are more characters that made a cameo in here but we'll just limit it with these three.

Context dropped, onto the short HCs.

• Okay so, I didn't really read the whole story of this one so I'm just going to make some random HCs on the fly. I'm aiming for a goody-feel with this one so no heavy angst will be involved.

• Alright, so. Xudong is the leader of the Gourmet Supremos, and he only found you because when you land in Inazuma, you literally dropped into their camp and was about to steal a sausage from Julie's backpack (but there were so many ingredients there!!!)

• Xudong was fuming, lmao.

"THIEF!! SOMEONE, HELP!"

• Aight, geez, made you run a marathon there.

• The next time you've met, all three were together and they saw you roasting some lavender melon in some dilapidated tent you found while walking aimlessly. Hey, better than no shelter at all. For some unfathomable reason, your inventory only consists of food materials - with everything, and I mean everything, missing.

• God damn. It's like the heaven is telling you something. 🙄

• Anyways, yeah. So for some reason, the only access to the goddamn ingredients are locked, and you can't use it and you don't know when you would be able to use it, so you have to scrounge up whatever pitiful sources you can get.

• Sadly, it's mostly lavender melons.

• Like, you already made several dishes from this and it's really starting to grind on your gears, so you took a dive in one of the caverns and found some meat and was happily grilling it with the melons when the trio came out of nowhere.

"Thief!"

The hell. "I didn't get the sausage, though."

"But you still tried to!"

"I mean, I was dying of hunger, so.. you know."

Julie, bless her heart, gets in between you two. "It's fine, Xudong. They needed help, did they not?"

"But-"

This time, Parvaneh chimes in. "As they've told you, they didn't get anything, so let it go. And you." She points at you with calloused finger. "Who are you?"

That caught you off guard a little. Told them your name and, to Xudong's bewilderment, started chatting amicably with you. Some time later though, he softened a bit but still a little cautious. They traded cooking tips with you, and, to their utmost surprise, you exchanged many tips on cooking as well.

"How do you know all this?" Xudong asked as you finished explaining the difference between sauteing onion and garlic first.

"Oh. I'm uh, a professional chef back in our place. Been years though, so yeah." You replied as you took a bite of their chicken. "Holy shit, why is this so good?"

Julie and Parvaneh just smiled proudly.

• So like, you became a new addition to their team - but you actually specialize in desserts. Xudong has many a great views in cooking, as well as the two ladies, and together you journeyed the whole of Inazuma for rare ingredients and made some two or three journals that have been since published and loved by people. (The fangirling/fanboying is real when you saw Xiangling's message drooling about your own version of Tiramisu).

• One day, however, you lot came across a shrine - it doesn't look abandoned, oddly, but it looks really, really old. You asked them what's the deal with this one, and they explained about the Creator.

Oh.

You're in SAGAU?

Shit.

"People said they've come back, but we don't really know.."

Double shit.

• With that knowledge, you try and avoid the main cities as much as possible and only let the three buy on populated areas. Thank God they didn't really notice you suddenly covering half your face with a mask - which you only shrugged when asked.

"I like masks."

Fair enough, they suppose.

• ..oh fuck, is that Yae Miko?

"Ara, and who is this?"

Xudong, Julie and Parvaneh bows and you hastily followed.

"She is our new companion, Lady Miko."

She looks at you with an impish grin. "Oh?"

Dont act suspicious. Don't act suspicious.

"..yo."

Nice.

• Coming across the main characters from the game are very, VERY rare. You can actually count on one hand the characters you've met:

Yae Miko;

Thoma (he was going around asking for favors as usual and you bump into each other and only had quick apologies as interaction);

Kujou Sara (she was patrolling the area and asked about your mask - which you replied that it's part of your outfit. damn, her glare was fucking menacing!);

Kuki Shinobu (you were side to side buying groceries once), and lastly;

Kamisato Ayato (you actually didn't meet - you just saw him giving speech in a podium for some event you just came across).

• You figured, hey, maybe you're NOT the creator or whatever. And just tried to live normally after some time. The mask stayed though, because you just survived the pandemic back here and was cautious.

• About a year and six months with the team, Xudong suggested you come all to Sumeru to expand your knowledge. Holy shit, yes please!

• ..and then you met the Traveler on your way.

"Your Grace..?"

Triple shit.

😭 sorry for disappearing for about a year - i was too lazy finishing anything. And now, I added another idea not to finish on the list 💀 wrote this whole thing in like 30 minutes motivation really is a wonderful thing, huh?

[thepixelelf]

warnings: coarse language. wc: 793

[the amnesia card always declines]

If there's one thing Joshua Hong has above all else, it's the audacity.

If there's two things, it's the audacity and the most grabbable, stupidly defined, makes-you-wanna-bite-into-them man tits you've ever seen in your godforsaken, miserable life.

Well, okay, maybe that counts as three things. Whatever.

"Oh my fucking god," you hiss, ducking closer to the coffee shop/bakery's table and hiding your entire head with both arms. "What is he doing here?!"

Soonyoung, the least subtle person you know (but you've given up on fixing him at this point) turns 180 degrees in his chair to watch the loser posing for a "totally casual" photoshoot outside. He hums in understanding, putting his hand under his chin like an experienced detective. "He must've seen your instagram story."

"He doesn't even follow me..."

"Oh, he's following you, alright." Soonyoung turns back around and stabs his fork into his strawberries 'n' cream croffle.

You glare at him over the pastries on the table. "Very funny."

"I know I am," he says with a dumb smile that says your sarcasm was not effective! "When are you going to stop holding your stupid grudge?"

An offended scoff escapes you. "It is a completely reasonable grudge, for your information."

"What, you being mad at him for...kissing you at that party?"

"For smooshing that stupid pretty face on mine at that party then acting like it never happened!" You slap your hands on the table, but as soon as you spot Joshua outside start to turn his head, you duck back into hiding.

Soonyoung points his fork at you. "He was drunk."

"So was I," you argue with a sneer. "But I remember everything-- especially you being the reason we had to cut the night short because you started drunk-crying and I had to take you home."

Suddenly capable of shame, Soonyoung scoots forward in his chair and leans over the table. "Have I mentioned that I love you and you're the best friend in the world?"

"Whatever, buddy." You roll your eyes. "Just remember all the shit I've done for you when I'm the one crying in the club."

"Crying in the club?" echoes Joshua--

Joshua?!

Your soul escapes your body entirely and jolts back in a nano-second. "Holy fuck--" You put a hand over your racing heart and send a death glare to the smug offender. "You scared the shit out of me!"

Joshua just smiles that stupidly pretty smile and, damn it, you're supposed to be ignoring this jackass.

"Sorry," he says, but he doesn't sound sorry at all. "Are you free?"

Making a face, you look over at Soonyoung, who just shrugs, then back at Joshua. "...Right now?"

"Right now is good." He nods in thought. "Or later today. Or tomorrow. If not, then the day after that. You've been avoiding me."

You force your shoulders to relax and avert your eyes. "No I haven't."

Joshua's expression suddenly goes solemn, which you notice because, shit, you started looking at him again. "Did I do something?"

At that, you scoff, crossing your arms and shaking your head in disbelief.

"Seriously. That party... I don't remember much, except that I've barely seen you since."

"Don't play the amnesia card on me, Josh. It's so tired."

His brows furrow, and your stupid fingers want to massage the hurt look right off his forehead. As if the dumbass deserves it.

"It's not amnesia," Joshua says. "But it's fuzzy. I can't tell what really happened that night or what was just my dream."

"Really? We're talking dreams now?"

He shrugs, crossing his arms, which fold just underneath those stupid, huge pecs... "I happen to dream about you a lot."

"Mmhm... Sure..." Are they bigger than the croffles? The melon buns? The... "Wait-- what?"

Joshua smiles, and you just know he caught you staring, the little shit. "I said, I dream about you a lot. Kiss scenes included."

Your jaw drops, maybe to the floor, but you can't be bothered to check. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Soonyoung make a perfect circle with his mouth before he hurriedly asks the barista if they serve popcorn.

"Joshua Hong, you..." Standing from your chair, you fist the collar of his fleece sweater in both hands, primed to throttle. "...are so fucking stupid."

Then somehow, even though you're the one who pulls him in, he's the one who takes your breath away.

When your lips part, though, you open your eyes while his stay closed, and he leans in again.

"Wait," you say, halting him with the one word. "How did you find me here?"

Wincing, Joshua peeks just one eye open. "Please don't be mad at him."

You whip around, but the bell over the shop's door is already tinging, and Soonyoung is dashing across the street like his life depends on it.

Good, because it does.

"Kwon Soonyoung! You are so fucking dead!"

[moonstruckme]

Hello love, I just found your blog and I must say that I adore your writing!! I’ve been looking for some new marauder content and couldn’t be happier with what I have come across here! 🫶🏼🩷

Can I request a counterpart to Dizzy? Where the reader comes home super tipsy and roommate James has to deal with their affection and sloppy behavior :)) I think that might be a fun change of perspective for those two.

If not, no worries! Thank you for your amazing work 🥹 take care 🫶🏼

Hi gorgeous, thanks so much! Apologies for the wait, this got a bit long haha. Hope you like it <3

cw: drunkenness

roommate!James x fem!reader ♡ 2.2k words

James hears the front door open and close, a painful sounding series of thumps, and not much after that. 

He sets down his late-night snack of melon he’s been sneakily eating from the bowl you’d cut it up in earlier, leaving his fork sticking out of a piece. “Hello?” 

Your reply is quiet, barely echoing down the hallway to reach him. “James?” 

He gets up and goes toward the door. You’re slumped against it, cast half in shadow from the lamplight that filters through the window to fall upon one side of your face, brows bunched as you toy clumsily with your shoelace. You look up at his approach, and your expression clears. 

“James!”

James smiles; he can’t help it.

“Hi,” he says, with nearly as much enthusiasm. “Did you have fun tonight, sweetheart?” 

You nod happily. “I brought you something.” 

He feels his eyebrows raise. “Something for me?” 

“Mhm.” You twist onto your side, mouth screwing up concentratedly as you lift your bum to fish around in your back pocket. “Here!” You pull out a squished mars bar, looking rather pleased with yourself. “Those are your favorite, right?” 

“They are,” he agrees, taking it from you, “thanks. Where’d you get this?” 

“A man was giving them out on the street.”

James blinks. “Just giving them away?” 

“I know, very suspicious.” You nod sagely. “But I already had mine, and it wasn’t laced with cocaine or anything, so I figure it’s fine.” 

Right, then. James will just have to check on you in the morning to make sure you’re still breathing. 

“Well, thank you for the gift,” he says, and is rewarded with your gargantuan grin. 

“I’m glad you like it,” you reply, eyes full of an earnestness so sweet it makes James’ chest hurt. “I never get to do anything for you, and you’re so nice to me.” 

“You do tons of stuff for me,” he scoffs, but you look prepared to argue, and he doesn’t want that. He gives your shoulder a friendly squeeze. “Hey, wanna get some water?” 

You go quiet, considering this. “Can I have it on the floor?” 

James laughs. “You want to drink your water sitting on the floor?” 

You smile like you don’t quite understand what’s so funny but are happy to go along with it anyway. “The floor is good,” you say, as though it’s a simple fact of life. 

“Alright.” James weaves his arm under yours, hoisting you up. “Sure, sweetheart, you can have it on the floor.” 

He all but carries you into the kitchen, your feet barely touching the floor as they stumble inelegantly over each other and your one undone shoelace. You make a small sound as he eases you down on the floor next to the fridge, looking decidedly worse than you had over by the door. 

“Do you feel okay?” he asks, keeping a wary eye on you as he fills a cup from the tap. 

You hum noncommittally, waving him off. “Don’t worry about me.” 

“Sorry, you can’t stop me,” he replies teasingly, crouching in front of you to pass you the water. He can’t stop himself. “Do you think you’re going to be sick?” 

You make a face, mouth twisting in disgust. “God, I hope not.” 

A nervous laugh escapes him. “Okay well, uh—here.” James grabs a nearly empty bread bag from the counter, taking the last two slices out and setting them on top of the toaster. He passes it to you. “Just in case you do.” 

You give him a soft look, as if he hasn’t just handed you a vomit bag. “Thanks, Jamie.” 

His heart sputters. You never call him that, and certainly never while looking at him the way you are now. He has the sudden urge to squish your face between his hands. 

“Course,” he says quickly, looking down and getting to work on the shoelaces that were giving you trouble earlier. You’d double-knotted them and evidently forgotten. The action of prying the knot apart feels good, giving his body something productive to do. 

For a while, you only drink your water quietly. James disentangles the laces and slips your shoes off, setting them next to each other on the floor. You put your feet in his lap, and he lets you. When you gasp, he looks up, alarmed. 

“What?” 

“James.” Your eyes are wide and glossy. “James, I just remembered the most wonderful thing.” 

His heart calms slightly. “What’s that, love?” 

“I cut up cantaloupe earlier. We should eat it!”

James grins, taking your ankles to move them out of his lap. “Great idea. I’ve got you, sweetheart.” He stands, ignoring your confused puppy sound at his leaving. 

Your eyes light up when he returns a moment later, bowl of melon in hand. 

“Oh my god, you’re the best,” you gush, reaching for the fork he passes you from the drawer. “Where were you hiding this?” 

“In my room,” he admits, sitting beside you. “I know you don’t like it when I eat right out of the bowl, sorry.” 

“Oh, I don’t mind so much anymore,” you wave him off, forking a chunk of melon and taking a bite out of it. “That was a new-roommate thing. I didn’t want your spit in my food, you could’ve had herpes.” 

A laugh startles out of him. “Did you think I had herpes?” 

“I didn’t know!” you defend yourself, and it’s ridiculous how endearing he finds it that you’re comfortable enough to talk with your mouth full around him. “You’re a very pretty man, James Potter. For all I knew, you had a steady rotation coming in and out of your room whenever I wasn’t home.” 

James guffaws, bumping your shoulder with his reprimandingly. “Wow, thanks for that. At least you think I’m pretty.” 

“Just the truth,” you say into your cup, voice somewhat quieter than before. 

He looks over, and you’ve gone a bit bashful, shoulders pulling up towards your ears as you down the last of your water. James thinks that he’s lucky you aren’t like this often. It’d be very hard to keep things platonic between you if you were this sweet and open with him as a habit. 

“I wasn’t sure about you when you first moved in either,” he says to lighten things. “The first time I opened the cottage cheese and saw peaches inside, I almost moved out.” 

You turn to him with your mouth agape, hand coming up to grip his bicep in offense. (He presumes he’s supposed to be intimidated, but all he can think about is how you never touch him like this, usually. It’s nice.) “You said it was good when I made you try it!” you accuse. “You liked it!” 

“It was okay,” he allows laughingly, letting himself cover your hand with his under the pretense of loosening your grip. “It was just off-putting at first. That was a lot of weird right out the gate, sweetheart. Sirius wanted me to call the police.” 

His plan backfires, and you drop your hand. Your chin, too, giving James a deadpan look through your lashes. “It’s not that weird. Tons of people do it.” 

“Sure, sure,” James says, patting your shoulder placatingly when you seem like you could argue more. “Feeling like you might be ready for bed?” You seem to have eaten your fill of melon. Your fork lies discarded in the bowl, swimming in juice. 

You deliberate for a moment before humming in affirmation. He stands first, taking both of your hands to help you up and marveling at the fact that you let him. When he turns to walk towards your room and you link your arm through his, he begins to worry he’s dreaming this whole thing. 

“James,” you whisper up towards his ear. “Jamie-Jame. I have a secret to tell you.” 

Definitely dreaming, then. A secret? He wonders what you could have thought of to tell him at this hour, in the state you’re in. Surely a good friend wouldn’t let you spill your guts when you’re this out of sorts. It could be something serious. Anything you’re not willing to share sober, he shouldn’t want to hear.

“What is it?” he asks, hating himself. 

“I’m not going to take off my makeup before bed.” 

A giggle bubbles out of him, so ridiculous he’s glad you’re not in your right mind to hear it. “Wow. Dire measures, huh?” 

You nod somberly. “I’m gonna be so upset with myself tomorrow. I’m gonna wake up with crusty-eye and a million new zits, but I just want to go to sleep so bad, you know?” 

“Mm, I think I see where you’re coming from.” James tries to sound like he’s giving it due consideration while he sets you down on your bed. You scoot back to the side, making room for him to sit beside you. He does. (Who is he to refuse an invitation like that?) “Yeah, you’ve just gotta prioritize comfort sometimes. You’ll make it up to yourself, I’m sure.” 

You level him with what seems to be your best approximation of a stern look. It makes you look extremely cuddly. “You can’t hold it against me when you see my skin tomorrow, James. It’s going to be atrocious.” 

He has to bite his lip to match your seriousness. “I guarantee I will not mind. In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never not looked lovely.” 

“Oh, you wouldn’t get it.” You flop back onto your pillow, disconsolate. “You’ve probably never had a zit in your life.” 

“Actually, I went through a fairly bad stint in year eight—”

“That’s not fair,” you groan. 

He smiles at you patiently. “What’s not fair, sweetheart?” 

“You’re not fair.” You gesture vaguely in his direction as if to make your point. “You haven’t gotten zits since eighth year, first of all. Then on top of that, you smell nice. And you have really long eyelashes, which no boy should ever have. There’s no way you appreciate them as much as they deserve. And you call me sweetheart—what’s up with that?” James blinks, but you’re not done. “And you’re way too nice to me! It doesn’t make any sense.” 

“Right,” James says, considering. “So all I have to do is start getting zits, stop showering, and…trim my eyelashes, and then you’ll be satisfied? Justice will be restored?” 

Your lips curve, and you nod magnanimously. “Yes, please. Straightaway.” 

“Cruel.” He sets a hand on your knee, giving your leg a teasing little shake. “Should I stop calling you sweetheart as well, then?” 

You go shy again, looking just to the side of his face as a faint blush colors your cheeks. “No, that’s okay.” 

James has to bite the inside of his cheek to tamp down the full force of his smile. “Okay. Alright if I continue being nice to you as well? I’d feel like a bit of a prick if I stopped.” 

You give it a few moment’s consideration. “Fine,” you say, as if this is a large allowance and he really is on thin ice. James lets loose his smile. You copy him, your own grin lopsided and goofy. “Hey, can I ask you something?” 

“Anything.” 

“Can I have a hug?” 

“Oh, sweetheart.” The word tumbles out of his mouth before he can stop it, warm fondness oozing from every syllable. “Of course, come here.” 

Despite his own words, he goes to you, crushing you to his chest with perhaps a touch too much eagerness. You don’t seem to notice, drooping against him with your arms banded around his middle. He thinks he hears you breathe in. 

“Still feeling okay?” he asks gently, rubbing your back. You hum. “Ready to go to sleep?” 

“Not if you’re going to leave.” Your voice is muffled against the fabric of his pajama shirt. The skin beneath grows warm from your breath. “I like you so much, Jamie. You’re so nice to me, you know?” 

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned that.” He smiles to himself, palm sweeping over the bare skin of your upper back and the material of your dress. He wonders if you’ll regret having slept in it in the morning. He can’t stand the thought of wearing outside clothes in bed. Oddly, he doesn’t know if you’re the same. “I can stay for a bit, if you want.” 

“I like you, like, so much it’s a problem,” you go on as if he hasn’t spoken. You sound mildly upset. “You have no idea.”

Something tense and tentatively happy twists in James’ gut. It takes more effort than it should to keep breathing, keep rubbing your back. “I can stay, but you have to go to sleep, okay?” 

You ease out of his embrace to look up at him. Your eyes are somewhat focussed, but watery. “James, I like you so much.” 

“Let’s talk about it in the morning,” he says softly, heart a hard-to-ignore, thundering thing in his chest. “Let’s just sleep for now, okay?” 

“Okay.” You look reluctant but nod, laying back against your pillow. “Thanks.” 

James doesn’t know what you’re thanking him for. He’s not sure he deserves it. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.” 

“I’m going, I’m going,” you grumble, but reach up for his hand. He gives it to you, and you haul it to your chest with surprising strength, sending James slumping forward until he’s nearly lying down beside you. “Sorry,” you say drowsily. Then, after some thought, “Actually, no I’m not.” 

James laughs. He’s happy to know you, he thinks. You’re kind and funny and thoughtful, and apparently very talkative when you’re drunk. He likes you too. Loves you, maybe. He’ll think about it tomorrow.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hello... again! Are you hyperfixated on RedactedAudio?

Do you want (need) to know who to follow to cultivate your dashboard and feed your gremlin brain good, good boyfriend roleplay content and my first recommendation post of magnificent fan-artists and fan-writers wasn't enough dopamine for you?

Cool, I’ve got you, and I’ve got even more hyperlinks. Buckle up.

(Note: This is by no means a comprehensive, objective, or complete list, as I have biases and favorites and limited time. If you feel I've missed someone, please feel free to reblog with your additions! I just would have loved a guide like this when I got into the fandom back in August 2022 and wanted to spread some positivity~!)

Fanfiction:

@agentplutonium: they/them

Pluto is just one of the many gorgeous people who've migrated to Tumblr now that Twitter is, ya know, on fire. I've been following them on Tiktok for ages, and I'm so pleased they joined us on tumblr now! Highlights: "Constant" and "Inconvenience" mean the world to me, because there are just not enough aspec headcanons in the fandom, we could always have more.

@angelicaether: they/them

Aether is a fucking gem unto this fandom- not only do they run Sky Side, a friendly, closeknit (hehe) server for 21+ Redacted fans but they also were who we have to thank for Redacted Kinktober 2023, bless them~ Highlights: New Job Posting is magnificent if you’re in the mood for some David/Angel smut today and this cute couple crossover fic if you’re feeling more SFW!

@caelumsnuff: they/them

Phoenix is magnificent, creative, and endlessly sweet. I also respect the hell out of anyone that can take the anon hate that they get with as much grace and attitude as they do /gen /pos Highlights: I love this gift for the Quinn-fuckers they wrote, I do, but I have to admit I'm partial to the Imperium!Vincent/Imperium!Asher piece they did, because their tension and hatred was just too palpable to deny, I needed it.

@empydoc: any pronouns

Empy's Soul Eater AU has not only taken over my life but has also got me deeply wanted a Soul Eater rewatch. God forbid xe succeed because this post has already been delayed enough /j Highlights: I love the Marcus/Asset post, because that's my favorite pairing but also because Asset as both an android and a weapon is so, so interesting. Blake/Bestie's is also a particular gem, because being a meister just gives him a new dimension to his manipulation and I love it.

@floofdeloop: she/her

Not only is Floof a beloved fic writer but she's also one of the adored DJs of the fandom. Are you really a fan if you haven't looked up Redacted on Spotify and saved all her playlists? /j Highlights: Her whole playlist page is literally so good, but I love the cute, domestic vibes of this Geordi one or the tragic, angsty, Britrock vibes of this Porter playlist~!

@joshusten: they/them

Sten is one of if not the writer that comes to mind when you're looking for amazing Guy/Honey content! Highlights: Bitter Melon is my personal favorite of their work; what can I say? I'm a sucker for a little jealousy in my fics. You also can't miss Honeysuckle, their most recent piece which gets into Guy's canonically less-than-pure mind~

@pinksparkl: she/her

Gosh, where would we be without her? Pink never has a bad word or thought for anyone and just persists in being a delightful, sweet presence in the fandom. Highlight: I can't decide what I'm more obsessed with- their Adam-centric fic exploring the Progeny/Maker bond or their nsfw Gavin-centric with his tail exploring Freelancer nudge nudge wink wink

@redlikeredacted: they/them

Just as their blog says, they are the CEO of Dasher. In my head, they are the president of both the David/Asher and the Autistic!David fan clubs, and I'd vote for them a second and third term okay I love Red Highlights: Their "David bottoming for the first time" fic is everything to me okay I am here for nothing but this except maybe this Milo fic where he gets Aggro~

@teafairywithabook: she/they

A lovely writer, voice actor, and person, Cheri does it all! With a whole 34 Redacted works on AO3, they are a must-follow. Highlights: I'll provide the masterlist of previously mentioned works, but I must recommend her nsfw Avior/Starlight fic keeping us sated until we finally get an Avior BA and their fic of Alexis's POV of Sam's turning I couldn't not okay I'm just a person I have biases

@tepid-judas: he/they/it

My favorite Adam stan, my friend, and the person who converted me into an Adam/Brighteyes shipper, I thank Judas every day for that. Highlights: I love their series of epistolary fics, because who doesn’t love a good letter, but I would be remiss if I didn’t rec his DAMN polycule plus Xavier fic cause fuck canon let's add frosty the snowman to the orgy /lh

@themonotonysyndrome: she/her

Lady, my dearest friend and greatest foe~ How else do I describe the gorgeous, sociable, friendly person who bought Alexis/Christian into the world and ruined my life? (affectionate) Highlights: Let these two assholes in love take you on a ride, fall in love with them too. If that's not your vibe, I cannot recommend enough her insane, gen z Bright Eyes being an absolute fucking terror /pos

Fanart:

@androgynouspenguinexpert

Can YOU believe Penguin's only been posting art since, like, December? I certainly can't, because it's like they've drawn every boy at this point and each is as smoochable and adorable as the last. Highlights: Their Porter is one of my favorites; what can I say? Who can resist this high ponytail and cape combo? I also love their Hush, cause look at him~! He's adorable! Penguin gives all these boys such luscious, floofable hair; I love them!

@cute-brainz: she/they/it

Kindly, lovingly, respectfully, Cute's listeners designs reduce me to a sniveling, simpering puddle of a simp. I become nothing but a humble, simple straight man, and none of you came blame me good god their listeners are hotter than all the redacted men- Highlights: Like, look at their Lovely: the hair, the singlet, the VIBES? Fuckin irresistible; like Vincent, I'd give them anything their heart desires. And their ANGEL? The MINUTE David Shaw fumbles that bag, I'm on my knees with a ring hello earth angel will you be mine

@darling-solaire

Darl has been posting art for only a month and a half at the writing of the post, and yet I feel like I've loved their Solaires for forever. They, as a unit, are hot and tragic as fuck, and I love them. Highlights: I am obsessed, particularly, with the Solaire family portraits, but maybe that's because my girl Alexis is up there, and I love her. There's also this bust compilation of more Redacted boys in case you didn't find your favorite in the Solaires~!

@free-boundsoul: she/her

Okay so, like, vibe with me did you ever love Lisa Frank products with the bright, saturated colors and sparkling eyes but wish instead of cuddly animals that there were really hot men? Then Savvie is the artist for you~ Highlights: One, it's fun to see a Regulus that's not blue, okay? It's thinkin outside the box. Two, the CRACKS? WITH THE GOLD PEEKING THROUGH? I'm inconsolable my god. Speaking of daemons, Fool!Gavin is sort of everything to me. He's just really rocking that sweater vest!

@hotmcrodz: he/they

I know for a fact that I'm not the only one obsessed with the way Jai draws human anatomy. I have unironically seen a Jai piece in the tag and gone "WOWZA" like I'm Jim Carrey in The Mask; that's what they do to me. Highlights: This Milo was one of the pieces that made my eyes pop out my head like a cartoon wolf; I think it's the shirtlessness plus the muscle pose. I just couldn't handle it. I also reacted like that to their Babe because I am an equal opportunity pervert /hj

@izzuku: he/they

Izzuku designs characters with the most realistic and gorgeous body types; like, I love the soft jawlines and how warm and touchable they draw skin. Every Izzuku design is kissable as hell. Highlights: I have to recommend his Regulus and Hush designs, obviously, they're my favorite men. However, I can't let the world go by another rotation without recommending this special Halloween version of Vincent~!

@kilarthmac: she/they

In case we needed another reason to love and appreciate the iconic timestamping account we all recognize from the Redacted comments, we cannot neglect their fanart! Highlights: Like, look at this brought-back-wrong Vega! This Hush with his cute face and off-putting air! He's so cute and so weird! I also love this piece they've done for one of my favorite rarepairs, Imperium!Lasko/Adam~

@latenightsleeper: he/they/it/she

My kinfolk and my beloved, one of the few people who understand me and the vision that is beautiful, blonde, dumb and lovable Christian. They will give you so many feelings about Darlin and Christian, and they will cause you agony /pos Highlights: Obviously, I'm obsessed with the Tank/Christian art like this one (Christian is just so cuuute), but we're all obsessed with this Sam/Darlin animatic set to Eat Your Young.

@maxpaulll

An amazing artist that I'm so glad we managed to get to migrate to Tumblr from Twitter so I could put them on this list~ Highlights: I am obsessed always with their Indigenous character designs, especially David. Like, look at him, he's indescribably beautiful, outshone by no one except maybe Max's Imp!Vega, because oh my god look at him~

@nortyourself: she/her

I don't think there's anyone who's not obsessed with at least one of Rachel's pieces; like, I believe she'll get to every Redacted man with the speed and beauty she works. Even Reticuli has gotten the Rachel treatment and been made hot af. Highlights: Technically, this Imperium!Damien just takes me breath away; like, it would be blown up and framed in his palace (for all of his short and tempestuous reign). Personally, her Hush has a dear and special place in my heart. He's just my favorite~!

@penncilkid: any pronouns

One of the most gorgeous and darling and non-stop creators in the space! They're a true triple threat, kicking our hearts in the butt with their art, their writing, and their audio roleplay series~ Highlights: With so many mediums under their belt, it's so hard to choose. If you're looking for purely Redacted content, their art is prolific and so creative, I've got to share the whole gallery. If you're in the market for a new VA to fall in love with, you've got to check out their youtube channel~!

@pycth: any pronouns

I dont have anything creative or profound to say here- all of pycth's designs are smoking hot and would render me selectively mute with a glance, 'nuff said. Highlights: How can I PICK? Ugh, hottest of the hot that comes to mind has got to be their President Moore art; like, this pose isn't FAIR. On the other end of the spectrum, if you want your heart kicked in the butt, I don't think any of us are over this Sam piece or ever will be.

@rainingcatsandjune: any pronouns

Another new artist who's only been here since April, and yet- I would die for his and his fine-ass, touchable Sam. Like, hell, render any man pretty like that, and I'll die for him. That's how pretty this art is. Highlights: Like, look at him. How does one do anything but look at him, especially in this pose? Again, look at him! Look at the hands. The soft, touchable glow and how it lights and shades his and Darlin's skin. The broad shoulders good god~

@sainthowlzon: they/he

You can't turn a corner on tumblr without seeing some of Howl's adorable Scribble Dolls or Icons! (Or any other social media actually. I feel like I've deffo seem some of Howl's icons on Tiktok too.) They're cute, they're iconic, and there's one for almost everyone! Highlights: Here's that full set of icons for your perusal; my personal favorite is Asset's. And here's the full set of Redacted Scribble Dolls; my favorite is Regulus, I think, because of his freaky vibes, but it's so hard to pick!

@sincerelywhistler: any pronouns

Like everyone with a working set of eyes and a beating heart, I am obsessed with all of Wes's designs; like, who wouldn't fall in love at first sight with all those beautiful and often shirtless people? Highlights: There's honestly too many to pick from, but I'll TRY. Their Gavin is an absolute must, I share it with the Discord on sight, he's that it girl if you will. Oh, and one cannot neglect Avior's HBS piece; I'm not even an Avior girlie, and I was like daaaaaamnnnnnnn~

@slushiepizza: they/them

Where would all the guy-lovers be without Slushie and their absolute cornucopia of Guy and Honey delights? Like, where else would we get our homemade, MacGyver'd serotonin? Highlights: The "Everyday" series is everything to me, and I mean everything; Guy has become too relatable and has struck me right in the heart. If you're not in a Guy mood, I'm also in love with their older, cozy Anton~!

@s0lairee: she/they

Jo's style is just so clean, so cute, and I really love it when they play with lighting in their pieces. Like, we are almost, almost there to making me stan Vincent if you're gonna drape him in moonlight like that... Highlights: ...thought, if I had to pick, I'd probably lean more towards Vincent's partner. They're rocking the red eyes, I love them! I'm also obsessed with their freckle-y, sweet Lasko, because who isn't?

@strawberrybouvine: he/they

The artistic equivalent of gourmet candy, I am absolutely obsessed with the gorgeous colors of Jasper's art and cannot get enough of the sweetness! Is this sugar running through my veins or unparalleled cuteness? Highlights: I'm not even a David stan but, like, jesus christ, the long hair and hairy chest makes me want to go feral. Don't even get me started on the cuteness of his chibi art, I really will start foaming at the mouth.

@theflowersaremine

I don't know exactly what medium Haylin uses or what colors or effects they use, but goddamn it makes those men so dreamy. I'm not even a Sam stan, but that's a smoochable man right out of Gilmore Girls /pos Highlights: Like, are you seeing the Gilmore Girls vision? That's a handsome man from a wholesome show geared for women- almost as handsome as this art of David. I see this smile in my dreams; it's so beautiful.

@venuslove-28: any pronouns

Venus's art is strawberry and vanilla soft serve injected straight into my heart; it's so familiar and cute, so charming, and I want to stim and bounce in excitement when I see it. Does that make sense? It'll make sense when you see it. Highlights: Personally, I have never and I will never stop thinking about this Huxley, I am simply not capable. Their Avior is also cuter than all get-out, I must admit.

@wingless-cupid

I don't think anyone does cute and colorful and pastel and kawaii quite like Cupid. You can't help but look and admire all the eye-catching colors and then want to hug their cheery, dynamic characters! Highlights: I'm highkey obsessed with their Freelancer and DAMNily and all their d(a)emons in general. Like, look at this! Minh is such a cutie and a simp, I love them! I'm also constantly thinking about this art in particular, because look at all these PRICELESS EXPRESSIONS!

@yoteako: he/it

Would you like stunning, high quality art and tragic, old man yaoi on your dash? That's a silly question; of course you do which is why we're going to follow and love on Yote. Highlights: See how beautiful, doomed, and intimate this multi-page comic is about two characters who've never canonically spoken? That's devotion. On the less forsaken side of the narrative, their Gavin/Lasko ship art is embedded into my heart.

If you’re reading all the way here, I hope you found the post helpful and smiled while making your way through it! Or both! The RedactedAudio fandom is truly one of my favorite spaces on the internet; it’s so intimate and creative, and I’ve found some amazing, perfect friends here, so I hope you will too 💖

[fillinforlater]

The Pull

Randoms x Ning Yizhou (NingNing) & Kang Hyewon

Length: 1165 words

Tags: gangbang, hair pulling kink, rough, a lot of positions, sex, being a willing toy for men and women

TW: gangbang, the hair pulling is kinda rough, QUICKIE

Inspiration: the two pictures below

(A/N: just a short quickie I had in mind for forever now. Sorry if it's just bullshit, but I hope y'all enjoy it lol)

"Okay, what is this?"

Ningning is perplexed. She let her imagination run wild when Hyewon invited her over weeks ago, the premise: fun with multiple people. Now, multiple can mean a lot, like sharing a couple, something Ningning is already familiar with or maybe two guys for each of them. That's about as many as she can handle simultaneously. Come to think of it, Ningning remembers Hyewon telling her about having three guys and two girls on her at the same time, though—

"Don't tell me you expected more?" Hyewon laughs as she pushes herself through the tall and small and buff and slender frames of horny people around her towards her Chinese friend.

"Less," Ningning quietly hisses when she sees the twinkle in Hyewon's starry eyes. This woman is truly like the night sky: thrilling, even if you can't see it, drop dead gorgeous when uncovered and always happy to surprise her with a shooting star—or in this case, almost twenty willing people. 

"Oh, can my small Ning-ning-ie not handle a dozen men and half a dozen women?" Hyewon's laugh is loud and echoes amongst the crowd whose eyes are all focused on the two. Ningning can feel herself getting undressed, hell, she might as well be bare in their eyes, clothes already on the floor and Hyewon is the same. 

"You're crazy." She puts her arms on Hyewon's shoulders and looks past her. A wave of blankness washes over her head. Now she is the one undressing all those strangers before her, the men whipping out their hard cocks, small, large, thick; the girls with their hairy or shaved pussies, tiny tits or gigantic melons—she is equally scared and excited, so she needs this final push to get her into it.

"And you are crazy hot, Ning-ning-ie~ and your hair…"

Unwillingly, Ningning throws her head back in a guttural, deep moan that has the entire room in goosebumps of thrill and blind lust. Hyewon has both hands in Ningning's endlessly long hair, the blonde fittingly forming tails to tug. There are a million reasons Ningning loves Hyewon, but it's the way she pulls her hair that made her addicted to the older girl.

"Don't keep them waiting any longer, Ningningie~ they can and will pull it and fuck you good.

"Trust me."

The two women are swarmed, torn from each other's grasp and covered in hands. A palm on her back, barely worth the mention, another on her chest, too bad that there's fabric in the way, a long, manicured pointer on her thighs, Ningning holds her breath—she shrieks when someone combs her hair and tugs at whatever they can grab. The doubts and fears she had about this are all gone when more and more people try to get a stronger reaction out of her and pull at her hair.

"Those tails—fuck—were a great idea," Hyewon half moans, half laughs from the other side of the crowded room, amidst a crowd, her frame the toy of the crowd. Her dress is easily removed, unsurprisingly, she likes easy access. Ningning then sees her friend drop to her knees, mouth on a cock, fingers on other shafts and pussies, while a large, burly man roughly pulls her hair back.

"Do the same to me," Ningning begs to the first person she can see, a bald guy, twice her age easily. He nods and pushes her to the ground while the pointy, manicured nails from before are shredding themselves through her top. "My hair, oh God, fuck, yes!"

Though unable to see it—a girl has buried the Chinese woman's face in her hairy cunt—Ningning can feel strong pulling from all sides, relentless, reckless how some are rubbing their cocks on it as well. She searches for the hard clit, her tongue twirling it, like Hyewon has teached her in a private session, way before gangbangs even came into the picture. Some greasy guy forces her to stroke his tiny cock, she can feel him cumming, hear him groaning, imagine the pearly white all over her arm. Not a good spot to finish. 

"In my mouth, ahh." Ningning opens wide and the guy finishes on her lips until two other men decide to suddenly pick her up. The rest of his load lands on her tits, but Ningning has already forgotten about it, too big is the thrill of a stranger uncovering her ass and showing it off to everyone. 

"Fuck me standing," she screams in euphoria. "As long as you pull my fucking hair, I don't care!"

Today is Christmas for Ningning, because as the guy carrying her aligns his cock with her soaking pussy, another woman has her ponytail in hand and starts to play tug of war against herself. In Ningning's brain, the pleasure and pain clash shortly, but soon find a rhythm—the same rhythm in which her pussy is getting pounded. Each thrust rocks her world and now the tug can send her into bliss.

"Oh my God, I'm cumming, don't stop!"

Hyewon meanwhile gets spitroasted in a quite unusual way: two men try to get their semi-hard cocks into her mouth while a young lady shoves a large strap-on in her ass over and over again—she literally pushes it all the way in, just to pull it back out again. The sight of Hyewon's gaping asshole has a guy close. He jerks himself to completion and his spunk lands in Hyewon’s messed up and torn locks.

"I want to cum again, please!"

Ningning gets dropped, but this is nowhere near the end of her wish fulfillment. There is always someone else to fondle her assets, be it tits or ass, and of course, her golden strands. In another team effort, her ass cheeks get spread wide to reveal a twitching hole, always clean, relaxed and ready, especially after the height of an all time orgasm. A cockhead eases itself inside her. 

"Oh fuck!"

"Get her hair!" a strong willed woman shouts at two men who were somewhat awkwardly jerking themselves off at the ever switching sight. "You pull here, you pull over here, on the other side.  Fuck her hair for all I care, ruin her somehow."

The same woman is not only successful with her instructions, she also puts her foot on Ningning's cheek and has her head trapped on the floor, unable to escape the cock that is destroying her ass faster and faster. Ningning can feel her knees give up slowly, they tremble with the force of an earthquake followed by a volcanic eruption, because a final tug puts her over the edge again. This time her orgasm is messy, clear squirt lunges out of her cunt while incoherent profanities leave her mouth.

"Fucking, th-thank you, shit, oh Hyewon, ahhh, fill my dumb ass, c-c-cum in my hair, ahh!"

"You're welcome," Hyewon moans back, small body upright, a cock in her pussy, hickeys on her collarbone, a tongue in her ass, her hair pulled.

Of course it's pulled.

[tubbytarchia]

Actually I'm gonna need a little insanity thread for all the rancher things I love as I watch their POV for the first time. I'll publicize this when I'm done with ep5

TLDR: Heavens, it is a long list. I cannot tldr this

Them running around in circles, completely lost after their first deaths whilst also not expressing even the slightest bit of anger (esp Jimmy because you know)

Them expecting the other to know how to build but neither of them can

Tango building a box of a house and Jimmy being absolutely smitten by it continuously

Tango praising Jimmy with full genuinity for bringing back... a bucket of water

Them cradling one little chicken like its their offspring before they can get more

Jimmy standing behind the door, calling for Tango in order to surprise him with cows.... god help my heart

Tango declaring them as team ranchers to immediately admit he might not be a very good rancher. This is good and cute because I love to see them struggle yet have unbridled support towards each other

Jimmy being cornered by Joel and Etho so Tango leaves to save him (or so he says at least!)

Jimmy ushering Tango into their house as Tango yells for help due to his hunger and being chased by mobs, and then Jimmy giving him two melon slices because that's all he has (They are so pathetically poor which only accentuates the wholesome and cute factor)

Jimmy accidentally picking up Tango's baked potato and then handing it back to him so they can eat together while Tango basically foams out the mouth because he's so hungry

"Welcome home honey"

Them celebrating being able to feed themselves to any degree

Tango all "I built that wall, it's ugly, continuing the trend" only for Jimmy to immediately proclaim that he likes it

Jimmy catching on that Tango can be a great builder actually and confronting him about it like he's just been cheated on

Tango blocking their entrance to prevent more cows from leaving for Jimmy to then admit that he was the one that broke the door, oops

Tango watching Jimmy escort two goats from a distance "he's doing great"

Them in total confusion wasting way too much time trying to figure out how to get goat horns as they're huddled in their house with said goats strolling around (and them continuing to get butted casually as they go about their normal activities) before eventually choosing to waste much more time by trying to do the same thing outside

Unrelated but Pearl of all people being the first person to come to them with genuine help rather than to fuck with them like everyone else

In the face of all their struggles, the thing that seems to bring the absolute most joy to Tango and Jimmy by this point is obtaining a silly little goat horn

The fact that they both got the exact same goat horn!!!

"I need stuff for tools, and I need stuff for Jimmy"

Tango defending their base's looks despite proclaiming to be a bad builder, because god, I want him to be doing that just because of how much Jimmy praised it

Nobody replying to their goat horns, but THEM replying to each other!! (They also toot at each other later when frantically looking for each other agh!!)

This time Tango interrogating Jimmy as if he's been cheated on because Jimmy went into the deep dark without his approval

"The R survived"

"Tango snap out of it; Tango's having a moment" *Tango yelling and groaning and grunting and laughing continuously*

"Tango, Tango, let's think about this. Let's think about this!" "Hold me back" "Tango, listen to the horn" Jimmy calming his deranged husband aw

Tango burying his head in a corner refusing to look at his beautiful ranch in complete ruin even as Jimmy coaxes him

Jimmy and Tango kind of begrudgingly accepting Scar trying to be nice but Jimmy still valiantly defending the foot tower before it burned to the ground

Their son/daughter :( (Tango refers to the Warden as a she one episode and a he in another. Their child was an icon...)

Tango expressing that he's proud of Jimmy for having stayed alive so long and Jimmy replying "It's all down to to you. Hey, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you"

Maybe Jimmy really didn't have a water bucket on him but it was so funny of him to casually turn to Tango whilst on fire and go "can you put me out?"

Jimmy being comically kidnapped??? (Actually being put into gay baby jail instead) And asking Tango to help save him

"You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go." (insert a bunch of crying emojis)

Other stuff: I think by virtue of Jimmy being a real tall guy, his character is usually depicted as taller than Tango's if not significantly so. As such... Tango calling Jimmy "little man" tickles me greatly and sounds like a very fond pet name

Briefly brought it up earlier but goddd. I will absolutely hc that Tango only became proud and defendant of his work because of how much Jimmy liked what he built. And Jimmy always being there and calming Tango in his crazed outbursts <3 Tango is such a goddamn creature isn't he

And the uhh... Tango dying quickest out of anyone because of a creeper, to then express that he was proud of Jimmy for doing well even though he got them killed the first time around, and then Jimmy unceremoniously dying to an Enderman to end their series for good... As funny and poetic as it is, god, the canary curse fuckin hurts!! And yet there were hardly times that Tango showed disdain towards Jimmy, and then never genuinely. He knew their series could end quick with Jimmy as his soulmate and even when their positivity faltered, their support towards one another never did

For having read all this (or maybe just glancing and scrolling)... some unfinished rancher doodles just for you that I made while watching their POV

:)

[a-spawn-on-my-lawn]

date with astarion hc 😆

thinking about spawn astarion trying to be romantic. this man has been forced to stay in a fucked up palace for 200 years; only leaving it at night to seduce people in the shabbiest taverns and brothels.

he's not so much into details, he never had to think about taking his love to a date, because there was no one he loved and vice versa.

this man has no idea about what a "romantic date" is supposed to be, even if we consider that "romantic" is probably subjective, but you get the gist.

so suppose Wyll is not around the corner so he can ask him for help, what is he gonna do? what would he come up with?

He'd probably make a checklist.

Romance, that has something to do with flowers, doesn't it??(ew, flowers, they are only good for poisions!). But he'd bite the bullet for you, so... he knows there is a woman at the graveyard who sells flowers, how handy is that? he gets you a spray of flowers (that is supposed to be for a funeral.)

Flowers ✅

Now he really needs a nice location. That location should probably be shadowy and also provide some privacy for sure, he can't have any prying eyes near him when he's having a date with you. Thank the gods, there's an old crypt nearby, of course it is locked but what is he a skilled lockpicker for? yes it's perfect. no one is going to disturb them or make any weird remarks about him drinking a chalice of blood for dinner. There will be enough space to have a picnic. Maybe even a table. And possibly there's some loot left to find on top. Wouldn't it be extra romantic to find you a nice necklace in a coffin? it definetly would.

Romantic location ✅

Next one: Food. Astarion suddenly asks himself what you like to eat most. He figures he never paid attention to that. He's not into insignificant details, so he has no idea. He needs to get you something to eat and to drink for a dinner date, that's for sure! Drink: No problem, wine, lots thereof. Food? Needs to be handy and easy to transport. Food is food. He's going to stuff anything into his bag he gets his hands on: raw potatoes, carrots, sausages, pieces of cheese, a melon, other fruit, bread...

Food for his date ✅

And of course some food for himself, a generous bottle of some yummy blood. Ofc he counts on you letting him have a nibble.

Food for him ✅

Is there anything left? Oh, of course. A romantic dinner requires one (1) candle.

A candle ✅

The most important asset is of course

Astarion ✅

He's ready. 🥰

Ok, he's also slighly nervous about you enjoying the evening. But the better part of him is convinced you'll LOVE it.

(I would! :p)

[slyblonder]

Sweet Treat

Friends w/ benefits!Mark x GN!Reader

(reader has afab anatomy)

word count : 0.7k

“Wheres my treat?” “Your what?”

You and Mark have been friends for a little over two years, but only friends with benefits for about 6 months. This all came into agreement after a very wine drunk, slightly stoned,bored mentality. You were attractive. Mark was attractive(and big). What’s the worst that could happen you thought and agreed.

You hate to ring your own bell but the dick is AMAZING. Going into this you would’ve never guessed Mark would have the stamina he did. Especially with being on the bigger side than most, he’d manhandle you with ease. Yeah you were gonna keep this going for as long as you possibly could. “If you keep doing that I’ll cum again… I-I can’t anymore.” You were practically shaking,overstimulated,and a sobbing mess as mark ate you out. He was too pussy drunk to care about your pleads to stop, taking in your sweet taste as if it was his last. His fingers quickly replaced his tongue as he looked up at you, smiling as how broken you looked. “Then cum baby, let loose for me.” Thats all you needed to hear for that band to snap, letting out the most erotic moan either of you have ever heard.

You both lied there holding one another as you tried to recover, shaking a little every now and then which definitely earned a small chuckle from Mark. “Dude I’ve never heard you moan like that before, it was pretty hot honestly.” You looked up at him with a joking blank stare not wanting to give him any satisfaction. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Plus I literally just stopped shaking, please give me like an hour before you get horny again.” You let out a small laugh and pat his chest before sitting up a bit and stretching. “I need to start getting ready for this event though. If I’m late there’s no doubt Chenle will kill me.” Standing up and tossing on whoever’s hoodie was at the edge of the bed, you noticed Mark staring at you blankly but not how you did earlier. This boy was truly perplexed.

“Where’s my treat?” “What treat?” Upon first glance you would’ve thought Mark just got told Justin Bieber quit music. He looked down heartbroken and couldn’t believe what he just heard. You like sweet treats and sharing them with people so you keep small bowls of different candies,chocolates, and other similar things in several areas of your home. Since Mark has been over so often, the bowl in your room had ran out and you never refilled it. After you both were done exploring each other you gave him one. Everytime. You basically trained and conditioned him. By accident at that. “Oh sweetie…thats-“ You couldn’t help but laugh and leave the room and come back with a melon candy. “Here you go baby.” Watching his face soften to a small pout was too cute for you to bear. “I thought I didn’t do a good job so you weren’t giving me a treat. Wait do you give other guys one too when they’re done if they do a good job? Did I do a good job? Wait are there othe-.”Before he could finish his list of questions you laughed and shook your head as you moved to sit across from him.

“You just fucked me, came in me, the ate me out until I came 3 times. I think you did more than a good job baby. And no there is no other guys, You have more than enough for me.” You watched as he listened and began to unwrap the candy. “Isn’t this like positive reinforcement like they use on dogs? oh my god you're treating me like a dog.””You know I do question what goes on in your head sometimes. No I’m not treating you like a dog, I just like sharing sweet treats with you.” You looked over at the bowl on your dresser and nodded towards it. “You finished that in a month. You’re here very often.” Mark looked over at the bowl and grew shy, he really was over often but he truly loves being in your presence. He does like you after all but you don’t need to know that right now. His eyes flickered down to your lips, suddenly growing a strong urge to kiss you.

“Let me share my sweet treat then.”

©️slyblonder

(Helloo thank you so much for reading please feel free to like a reblog pleasee I hope you enjoyed it🤍😞 im currently writing this at 1:27am(i wish i was joking) also feel free to request or ask questions in the ask box🤍🤍)

[yogurtyogitup]

Okay, here's the purple essay as promised.

Rythian doesn't have any purple on him in season 1, except the eyes on the back of his cape and the little that Enderbane has on it. Also in season 1, he's sort of idly pursuing revenge but being diverted by Zoeya at almost every turn. He's simultaneously trying to put his past BEHIND him (cape) and carrying it with him (Enderbane). Not only that, but Enderbane is literally an athame--a ritual weapon. An athame isn't really meant for use in combat, it's more of a symbol. Sort of the same way that Rythian only makes silly, playful overtures at revenge in season 1 (see the whole "man in a melon suit" interaction with Sjin).

Then, Zoeya has the screens in the basement, and Rythian's is purple. The color that, to him, means endermen, the dragon, and basically only bad things. Probably a shock, to see that Zoeya associates that color with him. In season 2, Rythian's eyes turn lilac and he wears those purple armbands as well. Endermen start appearing more around the castle and even the dragon comes to harass him at one point. Now alone and trying to reject the emotional attachment he has to Zoeya, the purple of anger and loneliness is in full swing.

The really interesting part is how when Zoeya comes back, she TOTALLY dismisses the importance/severity/whatever of Rythian having been attacked by the dragon. What I think gets sort of revealed is that, since she associates endermen with Rythian, she likes them. She thinks they're friends. Not only that, but the entirety of the color purple has a positive association for her, in complete contrast to how Rythian sees it.

In season 3, Rythian wears more purple than he ever had before...but his eyes are turquoise. He's left behind his mission of revenge, now just wanting to be left alone, but he still wears purple, and that's really interesting! A fun thing to consider is that Zoey (the irl person) made his skin, and she, like her character, associated purple with Rythian. Zoeya (the character) says "purple is safe." Purple is Rythian, therefore purple is good. And throughout what we got of season 3, we can see Rythian and Zoeya's differing views on endermen, especially when they go to the Twilight Forest. Rythian is suspicious and borderline hostile, Zoeya is...well, Zoeya about it. (Which is extra interesting, given that she might've been princess when the End invaded. Would she feel different if she had all her memories back? Was the hostility towards Rythian that B.A.R.R.Y expressed a reflection of war tensions?) (I don't mean Barry, btw. I'm talking about Rythian's screen. Zoeya did NOT come up with that herself and I'm dying on that hill)

Ultimately, I think that Zoeya's own positivity towards purple and endermen would chip away at Rythian's self-hatred and hatred of endermen. The word of god ending that irl Rythian gave back in 2016 says that they would battle the dragon and Free the End, which of course has interesting implications. Not only is Rythian getting that ultimate revenge for the dragon ruining his life, but he's also sort of siding with the endermen, killing the tyrant that ruined their lives. I would've loved to see some sort of truce between Rythian and the endermen, an acknowledgement that they didn't want to do what they did.

TLDR:

To Rythian, purple is danger. To Zoeya, purple is Rythian and therefore purple is safe. You Rythian is not immune to propaganda Zoeya.

[linmmelonz]

Guess the Build Doubles Quotes Part One

“We love a good twist ‘round here” Joel

“I am notoriously good at this” Skizz

“It’s a real flood of vom” Martyn

“[the lizards] he loves-they’re like children to him” Joel

“He’s WIIIIIDE!” Joel

“Otherwise it looks like he’s a bit of a contortionist” Joel

“It’s not gone…well” Grian

“There’s a lotta noise in this melon buddy” Skizz

“A pizza…ITS A PIZZA!!” Jim

“What the great googly moogly is this?” Grian

“Right, this is as far as we can get without things getting weird.” Grian

“Long…philangies coming out the top” Grian

“You’ve forgot eleventeen!” Martyn

“SABOTAGE HIS VIDEO JOEL!” Grian

“We’re best buds! We will not sabotage!” Joel

“When someone says: ‘there’s no such thing as perfect’ you just say: ‘the other side of the pillow’” Grian

“Su-phea what’s a su-phea?” Joel

“They’re stupid” Joel

“Yeah, yeah, um. Listen. Do your best. Lateral thinking here Jim!” Grian

“I just saw it-it jus-IT HAPPENED OK?!?” Skizz

“He looks absolutely baffled. He’s never seen that block in his life.” Jim

“He’s like ‘what is this dude? What is this man? I’ve never seen this block man before man! Grian what are you giving me man?’” Joel

“QUICK QUICK QUICK QUICK QUICK QUICK QUICK!!! YELLOW, BIG, DONE!!!” Grian

“I am all busted up here.” Skizz

“Skizz doesn’t process information as fast as the rest of us” Grian

“Right so this is a bit of a puzzle” Grian

“You-you made us do equations!” Jim

“HE KNEW WHAT IT WAS AND HE LET ME BUILD THIS!” Grian

“Let’s agree. That was a disaster.” Jim

“No but genuinely what the heck is this thing?” Joel

“Oh! What are you doing back here???” Joel

“It’s far better than wizard pig” Grian

“Oh my god” Grian

“Gravity is a bit stronger and that Jim” Grian

“It’s not really important I’m just teaching you a lesson” Grian

[ddejavvu]

hi mei, for mvm can you do dbf!james watching as reader as they change, like he's watching from the door or something, and reader just has a smile on their face

this post is 18+ (and so are its characters), minors dni.

my apologies to non meat eaters, i couldn't resist making a meat-themed sex joke so this one might not be the most relatable for you </3

"Sweetheart," James calls, hand reaching for your doorframe before he's even reached the threshold, "We're getting started on- dinner."

His breath stops short in his chest and cuts off his words. He marvels at how careless you've been, leaving the door open while you strip out of your wet bathing suit. James can see flecks of sand on your skin from the beach, and you drape your bathing suit carelessly over the back of the rental house's desk chair.

"Alright," You hum, turning to peer over your shoulder at him, "What are we having?"

James's eyes go wide and vacant, his mouth struggling to form words as you don't dart for cover behind the changing screen that's only a foot away from you.

"Huh?"

"For dinner," You laugh, and he thinks maybe you're laughing at him, "What are we having for dinner?"

You've turned to face him now, chest and the slight curve of your cunt on display. He's frozen solid in his place, eyes unable to focus on anything but the parts of you he's never seen before.

"Earth to James," You call, waving your hand in front of his face, subsequently shaking your chest, "I don't think the answer is 'melons'."

"Sorry!" James snaps out of his trance, cheeks burning as he straightens himself up and pulls himself together. Fuck's sake, he's your dad's coworker, he shouldn't be staring at your tits. Even if you are flaunting them so nicely for him.

"Your dad's firing up the grill," James informs you, calm and collected now that he's staring at your face. You pull on a set of lace panties but he refuses to look, eyes widening where they're resting on your smile.

"Mm," You hum, "That's good. 'Love meat."

James's knees go weak. He honest to god almost collapses right there and then in the doorway, like he's not a grown man.

"Really," James tucks his lips into a prim smile, eyes scrunching at the corners, "That's good."

"I hope it's sausages," You muse, reaching for your jeans that are on the floor and giving James a perfect view of your clothed cunt, "I like really big, meaty sausages. James?" You call, and he's clenching his teeth so hard he's surprised he hasn't cracked a tooth, "Is there sand on the backs of my thighs?"

James shuts the door. He steps hastily through the doorway, shutting the wood behind him and gripping your arm, hauling you upright where you'd been bent over.

"Darling," He starts, voice sickly sweet and weak like his knees are, "What are we talking about here?"

"Dick," You clarify with a smile, batting your lashes like you hadn't just rocked his world and made his cock twitch. You hike your jeans up to your thighs, and the low waistline means he can see the curve of the denim run along the curve of your waist. He's still frozen, and you manage to shake his hand off of your arm long enough to slip your shirt on. Once you're clothed, pointedly without a bra, you lean in to kiss his cheek, looking entirely too bubbly for how turned on you've made him.

"Well come on," You urge, waiting patiently at the door. When James doesn't move, still cautiously processing your flirting tactics, you huff out a laugh, "Alright, fine. Stay here. M'panties are in the drawer, James, if that's what you're after." You send him a quick wink, paired with that growing grin on your face as you turn on your heel and flounce down the stairs of the beach rental home, "Don't get caught!"

[howlingday]

White Knight Marital Bliss

Setting - Jaune and Weiss have been married for decades and their chemistry is pretty much Mung Daal and Truffles from Chowder.

---------------------------------------

Jaune: She wants to go out with me?! Well, come on, out with it! Who is she? Is she cute?

Adrian: No, she's icky!

Jaune: Icky, huh? Well, it's a good thing I'm a married man.

Adrian: What if you weren't married?

Jaune: If I wasn't married? (Starry-eyed, Giggles)

Weiss: (Summons glyph)

Jaune: (Whacked in the head) I LOVE YOU, BABY~!

---------------------------------------

Jaune: Weiss, mind the home and hearth! I'm heading into town. We need more spice!

Weiss: ...Well, I'm glad at least one of us is willing to admit it.

---------------------------------------

Weiss: What's with all the yelling?!

Jaune: Not to worry, my beautiful snow angel, your knight in shining armor is on the case!

Weiss: Ugh! I don't have time to wait for him! You do it instead!

---------------------------------------

Jaune: Providing support is Weiss, better known as "The Mouth".

Weiss: "The Mouth"?! What is that supposed to mean?! YOU SAYING I'M LOUD?! I'M NOT LOUD, YOU'RE LOUD! (Barking)

---------------------------------------

Jaune: I'll do whatever it takes for you to stop ruining Griffball!

Weiss: We'll see about that! You're going down, old man!

Jaune: No! You're going down, older woman!

Weiss: No, you are!

Jaune: No, you are!

Weiss: NO, YOU!

Jaune: NO, YOU!

The two then proceed to furiously make-out in the middle of the playing field. They then shove each other off, simultaneously shouting "Get off me!"

---------------------------------------

Weiss: Is everything ready for my elegant Atlesian lady debutante association luncheon, my big, strong, cuddly-wuddly, poopsy-woopsy yummy boo-boo bear~?

Jaune: Ready and able, my lovely snow angel~! No need to worry because everything will be perfect!

Weiss: (Sobs into his chest) Oh, thank you~! You have no idea what it's like to be surrounded by ugly men all day, every day!

Ren: (Stops, Stares at Weiss)

Adrian: (Stops, Stares at Weiss)

Weiss: (Pulls away) So, my wonderful knight, just for today, don't make me come into this kitchen for any reason at all. OR I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF.

Jaune: ...Uh, I love you, too?

Weiss: (Kisses him, Skips away giggling)

Jaune: ...Oh god, they're here. REN, RUN OVER THERE! ADRIAN, PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!

Jaune: Remember, if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! (Points at you) NOT EVEN YOU!

---------------------------------------

Weiss: Oh, and one other thing. If I hear any of you say anything bad about my husband or his hard work, so help me, I will hunt you all down, rip your arms off and poke you with them until you cry for mercy! NOW GET OUT!

---------------------------------------

Jaune: Oh! Oh! You did not just give me the hand! Ooh! Ooh! It's on now, GIRL-FRIEND! (Picks up rock, Tosses a few feet)

Cinder: Ha! You throw like an old woman!

Weiss: That is not true! I throw MUCH better than he can! (Uses glyph to lift boulder, Bullseye)

---------------------------------------

Weiss: Jaune?! WHY YOU...

Jaune: Um! Uh! This is a dream!

Weiss: No... You're NEVER in my dreams!

---------------------------------------

Jaune: Great... She's using fireworks.

Weiss: I completely forgot what fireworks are.

Weiss: In my marriage!

Weiss: WHO SAID THAT?!

---------------------------------------

Jaune: No.

Weiss: Yes!

Jaune: No!

Weiss: Yes!

Adrian: Fight! Fight!

DING!

Jaune: (Limbers up in one corner)

Weiss: (Barking in the other)

Jaune: (Pinned by Weiss)

Weiss: (Spider-Man kicks him)

Jaune: (Broken over her knee)

Ren: (Holding Weiss' hand high)

Weiss: We will do the mission!

---------------------------------------

Adrian: Uncle Jaune, are women always this emotionally draining?

Jaune: No! Of course not!

Weiss: (Opens big faucet in Jaune's chest, Filling cup with emotions) Ah~!

Adrian: (Watches in horror)

---------------------------------------

Adrian: I'm back! Here's the white-haired melon you needed!

Jaune: But we already put in the white-haired- Uh-oh... (Opens oven)

Weiss: (Inside the oven, Growling)

Jaune: (Slams shut) Not done yet! Adrian, we need to talk about your shot attention span-

Ren: Mhm.

Weiss: (Inside the oven) OH, DARLING~!

Jaune: RUN, MAN! RUN!

---------------------------------------

Jaune: Oh hiya, Weiss! Did you have a good trip to the store?

Weiss: Mhm. Yup. No problems at all.

Weiss: EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE MY GIANT BUTT WRECKED THE TOWN!

Jaune: Your what did who know?

Weiss: Jaune, be honest with me. Have I become a little... PLUMP IN THE RUMP?!

Jaune: ...Adrian, cover your ears. Um... No?

Weiss: Was that a question?

Jaune: N-No.

Weiss: So I put on weight?

Jaune: I didn't say that.

Weiss: So I need to go on a diet?

Jaune: I didn't say that!

Weiss: Come on, out with it! Have I become

Weiss: FFFFAAAAA...?

Adrian: Fat? Yeah!

Jaune: (Covers Adrian's mouth)

Weiss: S-So it's true! (Runs off crying)

Jaune: Adrian, life lesson number one; never tell a woman she's fat.

---------------------------------------

Jaune: Well... I give up. If anybody needs me, I'll be spending quality time with Weiss.

Adrian: It's that bad, huh?

Jaune: Yup. That bad.

---------------------------------------

Weiss: And here I thought I married a huntsman, not a crybaby!

Ren: Ooh~!

Jaune: WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!

---------------------------------------

Weiss: I love you, darling~.

Jaune: I love you, too, pumpkin~.

Weiss: What do you mean pumpkin? You sayin' I'm orange and round? Is that how you see me?

Jaune: No! Of course not, dumpling!

Weiss: Oh, so now I'm a dumpling?! I'm puffy and stuffed with meat and cheese! Is that it?!

Jaune: No, honey, that's not-!

Weiss: (Readies glyph) HONEY?! OH, SO NOW I'M ALL STICKY AND GOOEY?!

Jaune: No! You're, uh, my dilly-dally-daloo!

Weiss: ...Aw~! You're lucky I have no idea what that is.

---------------------------------------

Jaune: I've got the blueprints right here! (Opens scroll, Shows off lewd Weiss)

Adrian: My eyes! (Screaming in pain)

Ren: Jaune!

Jaune: Oh, right! Heh heh! Wrong picture! (Taps) Here we go! (Shows off lewd Ren)

Adrian: MY EYES ARE BLEEDING! (Screaming louder)

Ren: JAUNE-!

Jaune: I know, I know! I said I'd deleted it.

[cyrusthedragon]

Gentleman

Teen And Up Audience

Let's talk about Simon Riley being a gentleman for you but not the way we usually think about gentlemen.

Relationship: Simon "Ghost" Riley / f!Reader

Tags: domestic fluff, no "Ghost", established relationship, married couple, playful bullying, newborn children, Simon Riley being BIG and SOFT (and bullied), husband material

Please, comment if you liked it, it means a lot to me!

Notes:

Reader is from a rich family, but still joined the military

Reader and Simon serve(d) together

Simon Riley without his mask

AO3

Stand up so you can sit down; take off your outer clothes; pull up a chair for you; kiss the back of your hand; do not raise voice at you; if you walk on the sidewalk, then stand by the road; make sure you feel comfortable when you go out; if you bend over to pick up something under the table, then cover the corner of the table with his hand; lay his head on your shoulder just because; make two cups of tea anyway; try to say when he feels uncomfortable (not just swallow it cuz he don't wanna bother you! mister it's-not-that-deep); talk with you when something is wrong; when you look good — say out loud that you look good; ask if you need some help and actually help you, massage your tired feet.

Yeah, he doesn't really know about the etiquette and other stuff, but he knows exactly how to cherish you, trying so hard to give you that normal life he knows you deserve, even though he's so dumb that he didn't really understand you do not need 'normal life', you're as battle-scarred as he is, you just need life with him. Civilian or not, you don't give a damn about it, maybe he didn't know how to use that god-awful melon spoon, but it's okay as long as he is happy, cuz the melon spoon never was so necessary. You just love watching him, so clumsy with small and delicate things, that you can't help but just stay silent and admire how he's trying to deal with that nappy for your tiny little newborn baby daughter, who literally can completely fit in two his palms.

He was big compared to normal guy, was huge compared to you, and now he's damn giant compared to your daughter.

"Fatherhood suits you," you said, looking at him from the threshold, and laughed when he literally shuddered. The man on purpose lowered his guard down, 'cause he felt himself safe with you. Both of you, now.

"The hell are you tolkin' about... Help me instead, I can't understand how this shit works.." grumpy, messy, baby powder on his cheek, brows furrowed. If Johnny saw him right now, he'd definitely shit his pants from how scary Simon looked at that poor nappy, like it, idk, killed his beloved puppy. But as how scary it was for everyone esle, as much it was funny for you; you couldn't resist your laugh coming out, trying to hide your face with your palm, when he looked at you as severely as physically possible.

And blushed.

"Shut up."

You smiled at him widely, coming closer: "I said nothing, baby." but that wasn't true. Technically, that wasn't a lie, too. You said a lot of things, but not with words. "You can't handle one diaper?"

"I didn't say I can't handle it, dammit," he groaned, focussing on swaddling the baby who couldn't stop giggling and twitching from side to side; you rested your elbow on his shoulder, and he theatrically sighed, looking at his daughter: "Rocket fuel in your veins..." and, stooping to kiss her on her belly, added: "Just like your mother."

"I don't get it, are you bullying her?" before he realized it, you pucked girl up. She giggled, sucking on her own petit fingers, moving her legs. "You're bullying my daughter, Simon?"

"Oh goodness, love..." he clicked, you cackled, holding baby closer and moving two steps away from him, "you wanna start a fight now?"

"I don't", but considering how you smiled and looked at your daughter's very pleased reaction, you obviously wanted this: "Do you?"

"I don't," he answered, "but if you're going to continue whatever you're doing, I'm-"

"You what?" and you moved the child in your arms accompanied by her contented laughter, so Simon could see it:

You sly thing.

He can't do with you anything when you're holding the baby.

"What, you swallowed your tongue, darling?" your footsteps were coming closer to the living room, and he followed at your heels, looking almost the same as on the military, about to scold one of his soldiers. "Love..." almost growled, making the baby laugh harder, clapping; the fluff on her head swayed when you moved left and right, skirting the furniture: "Love?" you repeated after him, looking directly into his eyes without a single blink, "Now I'm love?"

"You always were my love..."

"No, five seconds ago you were threatening me!" you smiled, moving your gaze to your daughter. "He was threatening your mama, sunshine, look at him!"

"No-o!" Simon exclaimed, holding out his hands to the little one, "Princess, don't listen to her! She's lying! She was bullying me!"

"Bullying you? How can I bully you? I'm a victim here!"

"You're not!"

"Of course I am, princess saw how you were telling me you're going to do something!-" laughter, quick steps, radio talking in the kitchen, child's giggle, Simon's sighs, and two grown-ass adults argument in which each of you tried to convince a three-month-old child which of you is really a victim.

Was that the life you were expecting from joining the military?

No.

That was the life that Simon Riley gave you without your request. He just was there, silently, very bad at any good feelings, not knowing what exactly to say or how to act in some situations, learning from you by just watching how you talked with everyone, and simply remembering small things. From small things about how to interact with people, who are not broken as fu-. Ahem. To small things about you, and one day he understood — you became his healing pill. Somehow, by doing literally nothing, only existing in the same universe as him, winking to him, talking to him — actually talking, not just having some nonsense chat about the weather or your job, but discussing with him, asking about his opinion, you became a person who was so damn comfortable to him, that he couldn't deny how he's attached to you anymore.

This man appeared in your life like a silent company, then your partner on missions, then your partner for life, then your husband, and then the father of your child.

And now you were testing his limits, 'cause you wanted so.

This girl in your hands — she was the third most precious woman in his life, after his mother and you, and you knew exactly what you were doing by teasing him, not letting him go closer to you, or take her from your hands.

"What? What? Wanna say you're not bullying me? Princess, look-"

"No, princess, don't. Look at your daddy, daddy loves you, daddy would never bully your mommy."

"Liar!"

And then once again: he sighs, you giggle, baby girl made her baby sound, and the three of you were whirled around the house, from room to room, until finally, he cornered you. Literally. You pressed yourself into the corner of the bedroom with your whole body, never stop smiling, but knowing for sure that this man would not leave it so easily. You blinked, he towered over you like a mountain, put his hand on the wall and you automatically bit your lower lip, chuckling: "Are we like... In some kind of third-rate young adult drama?"

"Give her to me. Now."

A hoarse, hot, deep voice sounded right in front of you. His blue eyes into yours, and you had to tilt your head to keep eye contact, but it was completely worth it.

"Or what?" you whispered; the little one's eye's shifted from you to her father, from him to you again, Simon leaned over to you, and before this whole situation started to get too spicy, you quickly gave him the child and came out from under his quite skillful confident kabe-don. Ah, but you remember times when he was too shy to kiss you... "You can have her," you said, looking innocent, watching him trying to handle girl as delicate as possible, hissing at your actions as if scolding because you simply cannot treat such tiny, fragile creatures like that.

You can break her!

He.

Scolding you.

For not being gentle.

He.

Holding her so, so gently, carefully, holding her head straight, because she didn't know how to do it yet, frowning at you, you, an irresponsible woman!

This behemoth of a man with such a little girl in his hands.

"She's already daddy's girl, isn't she?" You murmured. Simon put her on the changing pad, you followed him. "Try again," you said, when he took the open diaper.

He sucked air deep into his lungs and began to swaddle this little giggly monster.

Action after action, extreme care, total concentration, as if he was defusing a bomb, unblinking stare until the last details, and only when girl was laying there, completely swaddled, with a pacifier in her mouth, he exhaled, closing his eyes.

"Holy f-..."

"Good job! It was that hard, baby?" You chuckled, stroking his back, when he turned to you, hugging your waist softly. "No," he whispered, breathing in your scent, mixed with perfume and the smell of a hair conditioner, "I was trying not to hurt her. She's so tiny..."

Oh, that man drove you crazy.

The level of happiness in your blood exceeded all permissible norms, you pressed into him, cheek on his cheek for a second, and kissed his cheekbone, smiling like a fool.

Or it was just him?

Big protective fool, so scared to hurt his little daughter...

You love him like this: in your arms, mumbling about how afraid he is that one day he'll do something to her, due to miscalculated strength. You weren't afraid. You knew he simply won't let it happen.

"You wouldn't." You answered, gently running your fingers through his short blonde hair, "Wanna know why?"

Simon looked into your eyes, moving away a little, so you could see him properly: "Why?"

You smiled: "Because she's our daughter," and before he let himself relax, you added, grinning nastily: "If you'll ever try to hurt her, she'll kick your ass, like it's a fucking football, darling."

Well.

Maybe... Just maybe... Maybe he wasn't a liar...

Maybe you truly enjoyed bullying him, so he can "get angry" and finally shut you up with the most delicious kiss in the world.

Simon's lips pressed to yours, your hands over his hot red cheeks, because someone's still too easy to tease, his hands around your waist, just to be sure you're not going anywhere, your eyes closed so you can remember every moment, every note of his taste. And the softness, but the conference of his movements.

Simon Riley was the best example of the word "self-control".

You never saw an another man with such power over himself that he can hold the most fragile teacup tightly and not break it.

And he was afraid?

He?

Oh, you were planning to live a life beside him and for once and for all make him see how amazing he really was.

Yes, he doesn't have some fancy private university diploma, maybe he's not a philosophy Ph.D., but, god forgive me, was he less incredible because of it? Not even a little.

He doesn't know about a melon spoon, he doesn't really like all these luxurious restaurants, he can tell nothing about Gucci house, then fuck it, fuck it all, fuck the etiquette, fuck high table manners, fuck meticulous elegance, prim ideality — the way Simon kissed you, keep you close, the way he looked at you with his eyes go wild, the way he was sucking your scent, burying his face in your neck, after holding your common child, as if both of you were priceless treasures from the depths of the sea.

Squeezing you, carefully touching her chubby pink cheek with a pad of his finger, and slowly, lightly kissing the back of your hand, pressing her close while rocking.

Yeah, he wasn't a gentleman.

He didn't have a fantastic talent for anything, couldn't distinguish Manet from Monet, and mathematics wasn't one of his strengths.

But he had his stubbornness, willpower, desire, and love for work.

Simon Riley was a hard-worker.

And that's exactly what you love in him.

"We should..." you swallowed, licking your lower lip after that disastrous kiss he gave you, "We should go on a date..."

"Why so?" just his hoarse voice made you snuggle into him, hugging his neck so tightly, as if you wanted to kill him with your own hands — that's how much you loved him. But you did nothing.

Just breathing heavily, feeling him lift you by your hips, seating you on the windowsill in your bedroom. "Because," you murmured, smacking him on the lips, "I want you to eat molecular crap in your only black suit, and grumble that this berry foam is not a real food."

And when you laughed, already hearing his old man's grumbling, his huge hands grabbed your waist again, squeezing tightly, as if purposely ignoring your mouth-watering sides.

You told Simon last morning that even though it's been three months since you gave birth, your pelvis still hurts sometimes —

Oh.

What a gentle man he was...

Haha.

[feederheart]

CW: Humiliation and lots of it. Also some bdsm and weight gain.

Death of Dignity: PART 1.

It was all mine and it was beautiful.

The towering monuments cut from stone, the opulent palaces that once housed The Kingdom’s disgraced aristocracy, the shining, golden temples to their false gods, the ports and markets trading goods from leagues beyond our borders, the grain fields that stretched into each horizon, and the bustling streets between homes, shops, and temples that had been rebuilt after the coup seven years ago, all of it was visible from my royal palace balcony that stood high above everything. As the body of the former king turned to dust beneath the city, my brethren have been hard at work restoring order on the streets above, protecting the borders from opportunistic raiders, and enforcing our vision for The Kingdom, making it the most prosperous it had ever been. Our sailors have reached new lands and are already returning with exotic trade goods that had never been seen in by anyone in The Kingdom. Our coffers have never been fuller, our grain deposits have never been greater, and our reservoirs are at maximum capacity and teeming with fresh fish.

Of course, it wasn’t always like this. As I mentioned before, countless good, strong men and women lost their lives during the aftermath of our coup; there were even thirteen straight days when I had to stay locked up in a temple without food, water, or any hope of relief before I was rescued by the gods that chose me for this. At the time, so long ago, it seemed that despite living every waking moment crushed by heavy taxes and unfair laws written only to benefit the aristocracy’s cavernous appetite for luxury, the common people believed that their false gods chose those bastards to rule us all.

I had an ingenious solution to this problem.

“My King?” called out the voice of my beautiful queen.

“What is it, my love?” I responded.

“I need you,” she whined pathetically, sounding like a turtle stuck on it’s back (which probably wasn’t too far from reality)

“Where are the servants?” I asked.

“They’re still rubbing my belly, I’m still eating remember?” she responded. “And I’ve run out of food. Can you send one of the guards outside to get some more?”

“Sure, of course,” I replied warmly.

I turned around and stepped past the silken curtains that led to my private lounge. Lazily reclining on a large, reinforced, golden throne was my wife and the daughter of the former king, The Queen. Her corpulent rolls of fat spilled over the armrest and onto her lap, completely covering her silken sarong. Two chained and naked women, the daughters of the former archpriest I had executed inside a temple to the false gods, tirelessly rubbed down the bloated fat hog of a queen as she digested her gargantuan meal that included a whole pheasant, four loaves of bread, three pounds of butter and a gourd full of sugary wine. Her fat, blubbery arms rested atop her stomach just beneath her massive melon-sized bare breasts, giving the servants plenty of room to rub her down. Beneath her enormous belly were two fat legs that hardly ever saw any effort expended to walk and were even growing their own fat rolls. Wrapped around her flabby neck, ankles, and wrists were rows of glittering gold jewlery that had to be custom made to fit the corpulent queen. On her head atop her long, shining, black hair was a tiara covered in The Kingdom’s finest gemstones. The double chins on her fat, lipstick and foundation-laden face quivered with each labored breath as her lungs fought against the hundreds of pounds weighing down on them.

She was once the real owner of the throne she sat on. Now, it is mine; she only sits there because it is the only piece of furniture up here that doesn't crumble beneath her massive girth.

“What would you like for me to bring?” I asked her.

“Just more of everything, please,” she pleaded “I’m going to eat it all, I promise.”

“You know you don’t have to do that anymore?” I said to her, wondering that if in her food-fueled stupor she had forgotten that little fact.

“I know, I just don’t want you to think I’m wasting food,” she replied innocently. “I know you hate that.”

“You’re right, I do,” I added with a warm smile as I headed for the lounge door.

As I was saying, she was once the occupant of that throne, ever since I had slain her father. One may think she would hate me and would never take me as her bride but that wasn’t the case at first. She, like I, were both young, impressionable young adults who wanted change for the dogmatic kingdom, the only difference between us was that I was a lowly junior officer enlisted from an impoverish outer province and she was a bright and beautiful princess. She caught wind of our plot and sought the help of my brethren and me to overthrow the king and put herself on the throne. I had little idea I was so charming but apparently she was absolutely smitten with me and she was happy to risk her life to be our woman on the inside.

It didn’t change the fact that I had no interest in toppling the throne for her or anyone tainted with their bloodline. They too had to pay for the luxuries they took from us and I wasn’t going to let any of those thieves get off easy.

After we succeeded and installed ourselves as the new rulers, I immediately stabbed her in the back; metaphorically, of course. She begged and pleaded with me to help her understand why I had betrayed her as I had her dragged to the dungeons beneath the palace. I simply ripped the jeweled tiara off of her head and pointed at one of the diamonds.

“This alone could have saved the mountain tribes from the Great Famine,” I snarled with anger. “We could still be listening to the epics and tales of my people’s heroes as they were sang atop the mountain peaks for The Kingdom and the true gods to hear, but their voices now fall silent and their spirits were taken by starvation.”

With nothing to say, she simply sobbed as she was dragged away.

The next months were filled with assassinations, betrayals, riots, and invasions, making my struggle to seize power all the more difficult. The biggest problem by far was securing my legitimacy as I was not a scion of their false gods. I was busy trying to increase the royal palace’s security when I received word that the princess was on a hunger strike and demanded to speak to me.

So I decided to pay her a visit that night.

“You need me,” she said to me, skinny, frail, covered in rags, and bound by chains deep in the dark depths of the royal palace. “There’s trouble and you need me to help you.”

“I think you just want to get out of here and go back to your luxurious life,” I growled at her, seeing right through her ploy.

She began to break down and cry.

“Please, I’m so sorry what happened to your people,” she bawled. “Please, I’m begging you, let me out.”

“Goodbye,” I said, perfectly happy to let her waste away so that I may be done with her family forever.

She sobbed harder as I left, bemoaning her failure to trick me. I turned one last time at the doorway and saw how pathetic and defeated she looked, fighting desperately and pathetically by the chains she bound herself in for her family’s greed.

I then paused in my tracks and had a thought; I realized that she was right and she could help me after all.

“On second thought, I have an idea,” I said, turning around and walking back to her cell.

Her crying ceased and she looked up at me with her red, swollen, tearful eyes.

“A-a-an idea?” she stammered.

“Yes, an idea,” I replied. “I’ll let you not only have the throne but I’ll even return you the excessive luxuries that your spoiled self is used to, but on one condition.”

I leaned down and grinned with glee as the details of my plot materialized in my mind.

“You will do everything I say,” I whispered sternly. “And I mean everything. I’ve got my brothers stationed all over The Kingdom and if any of them even catch a whiff of something foul, they will happily convene on the palace and rip you to pieces like they wanted to when we overthrew your family. You are not in charge, I am. You are just a figurehead to keep those cumbersome loyalists happy. Is that clear?”

The princess nodded quietly.

“Your wish is my command,” she replied, knowing that she had no room to protest. “What do you want from me first?”

“To begin, despite what rumors you may have somehow heard from down here, everything is going quite well,” I lied. “We found the food that the aristocracy had been hiding for themselves and it was more than enough to end the famine. The excess, however, is takes up too much space and risks spoilage because you pigs had them for so long. Our first harvest is expected soon and our stores will be overflowing for the first time in this kingdom’s history. I need someone who will eat that excess food so that it does not go to waste.”

She looked at me sideways as if I were speaking a foreign language.

“Wait, all of it?” she asked.

“As much as I put in front of you,” I said. “Unless you want to end up here again.”

She stared at me wide-eyed in disbelief, not so much horrified but simply baffled.

“I’ll do it,” she agreed. “Just let me out of this place.”

I smiled and ordered a nearby guard to oblige her request.

After I had her restored on the throne, word got out that the princess became The Queen and nearly all of the riots had disappeared. My own supporters, however, demanded answers and some started riots of their own. One even made an attempt at my life. I pleaded with them to trust me; I had a plan.

The meals commenced shortly after The Queen’s release. She had her dignity back along with her silken clothing and jewelry with a new piece I had made for her; an iron collar to remind her of her place. She was not allowed to say a word to anybody without my explicit approval. Every night I would lock her in her bedroom with two servants as they stuffed her with bread, meat, stews, cream and butter until she could take no more. I would watch and pace around holding the same sword I used to slaughter her despotic father. Despite that, she did not seem intimidated by me. She kept her cool and her composure as she stuffed herself, hiding her discomfort as she got full. I watched as she finished every bite.

“I'm finished,” she said, looking up at me as she rubbed her tight stomach.

“No, you’re not,” I replied as I walked over ot the lounge door and knocked twice.

A moment later, the door opened and three cooks entered the room with an entire pheasant for The Queen to eat. She stared at it wide-eyed and slackjawed as it was set before her and the cooks left.

“Well?” I said as I brandished the sword. “Get eating, pig.”

The Queen closed her mouth without argument and began to eat. She took quite some time to do it, sometimes stopping to rub her stomach. If she stopped too long, I would swing my sword at a random piece of furniture to remind her to hurry up. If she gagged or retched, I held my sword up into the air to remind her that the food belonged inside her, not outside. After many hours, long after I could feel myself falling asleep, she finally finished. Satisfied, I let her rest and digest her meal.

These feedings would go on for weeks as the troubles that plagued The Kingdom slowly disappeared over time and my control was sealed. Although she was the one holding the holy scepter, the symbol of The Kingdom power supposedly handed down by their false gods, she was sitting at my feet wearing nothing but a sarong, her jewelry, and the iron collar around her neck, now attached to a leash held by myself.

I decided it was time for the entire kingdom to see my new pet hog. The there was a grand procession for Heroes Day that had to be attended by the ruler of The Kingdom. However, she could not go anywhere in public without me behind her holding her chain. This, combined with her softening flabby figure that was bare for all to see, drew shocked looks from crowds of both her family’s loyalists and my own brethren and supporters when she emerged from the palace for the first time. Her supporters looked embarrassed for her and some were even angry. However, The Queen did something that I did not see coming. She maintained her poise and even wore a smile on her beautiful face as if nothing had ever happened. Her nonchalance tempered their anger and they quietly accepted the new status quo. My brethren and supporters, on the other hand, seemed to forget their anger and instead basked in The Queen’s humiliation. Despite this, she remained poised as if she could not hear their taunts and jeers.

That night after her first outing when it was time for her to feast, I kicked the servants out of the lounge and shut the doors.

“You seem to be taking this well,” I said, frustrated by her lack of embarrassment but unwilling to let her know.

“I’ll admit, it was a little embarrassing,” she admitted. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“What are you trying to do?” I growled. “Are you trying to fool me into undoing everything that my brethren and I have accomplished?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she answered, still poised like the queen she was. “I’ve never seen the city so full of life and excitement. Nearly everyone in The Kingdom came to see you.”

“No, they came to see you in chains and fattened like a pig.” I spat back. “They came to see your humiliation and finally cease their efforts to overthrow me.”

“You miscalculated,” she replied matter-of-factly. “If I were to break down in tears and bemoan my sorrows in front of them on a sacred holiday, they would take such great offense om my behalf and they would riot and fight until their last breaths. You would never be able to restore stability in The Kingdom if that were to happen.”

“Oh really?” I snarled, angered by her audacity. “Well how about I throw you back in a cell if I’m fucking up so bad?”

“Well then you would lose your bargaining chip keeping the loyalists in line,” she said calmly, unmoved by my threat.

I was now steaming at the ears with fury. I was ready to reunite her with the rest of her greedy, despotic family. However, something about the calm and unafraid way she looked at me, while still aggravating, reminded me that losing my cool would solve nothing.

“So what?” I said demandingly, throwing my arms up in the air. “Are you telling me you helped keep the peace by hiding your embarrassment?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” she confirmed.

I scoffed.

“Why in the name of the true gods would you do that?” I demanded. “You passed up a perfect chance to fuck everything up with never-ending riots? Why?”

“The people are well-fed, richer, and happier than before,” she answered as she slowly walked toward me, swaying her hips back and forth seductively. “Like I said before, all of those people filled the streets to see you because they love you. When life was bleak, you helped them rise up and take back what was rightfully theirs. You did what my family and I failed to do; earn the respect of The Kingdom.”

My fiery rage was supplanted by dizzying bafflement. Her being a step ahead of me and still submitting to me made me deeply uncomfortable as was her approach. I grabbed the chain and yanked it; The Queen yelped as she fell onto her hands and knees right in front of my feet.

“What is your ploy?” I demanded, sounding more intimidated than intimidating.

“My ploy is that my kingdom needs a hero like you,” she said. “And I want to help you and keep you happy.”

“You want to keep me happy?” I growled. “How about I double your fucking meals, how does that sound?”

“Only if you stay with me all night as I eat,” she crooned as she kneeled at my feet and looked up at me, her eyes shining fearlessly and seductively. “Something tells me that you like seeing me stuff myself and ruin my body with excessive calories. I think you enjoy seeing me stuffed full, unable to move because of my gluttony.”

The brain in my skull was screaming at me to kick her for stepping so far out of line. The brain between my legs, however, kept me paralyzed as she rubbed my crotch over my tunic.

“Fine, I’ll stay,” I said, the latter brain having won against the former.