#god damn i'm lonely

[scholar-of-yemdresh]

As this year comes to a close here's hoping for more (I.e. any) Morally grey aroace protagonists in (adult) fiction. Because as much I love Ymir by Rich Larson, I can't just keep reading one book over and over again. I'm starving for Dirtbag Aces in media.

[nettlestingsoup]

needed a break from persistence (1/3 edited but the dialogue is a heartbeat under my floorboards right now) and decided that actually i wanted to think about something deeply, deeply tragic, SO please appreciate the concept of viktor, avatar of the end, and jayce, avatar of the spiral. they are now living rent free in my head.

[evilwizardcrab]

Assinging popular UK rollercoasters TMA fear entities.

Because sometimes your roller coaster autism and magnus archives autism combine into a secret, third thing.

Also, obviously most roller coasters are kind of inherently tied to vast/spiral, but for the sake of variety I'll only be assigning those entities when it happens to be really thematically relevant.

All clear? Good. Then in no particular order, let's begin.

1 .The Smiler (Alton Towers)

Figured I should start this out on what is quite possibly the UKs most iconic rollercoaster. At a whopping 14 inversions this Gerstlauer infinity coaster holds the world recor-

The spiral. It's the spiral. Yes, I know I literally just said I would be reserving spiral judgements for certain rollercoasters but just. Just look at this fucking thing:

This is quite possibly *the* most spiral aligned rollercoaster you could possibly make. In fact it might literally be the most spiral aligned rollercoaster ever, because with 14 inversions it literally is the most amount of spiraling you can physically do on a rollercoaster.

I mean, watch the goddamn TV Advert for this ride and tell me Fuckhands McMike didn't have a (yaoi) hand in the creation of this thing. Fuck Sanakov land I'm pretty sure the smiler singlehandedly counts as a failed spiral ritual.

It literally sends you insane! That's it, that's the theming! It's logo is a literal fucking spiral! Words themselves cannot get across how quintessentially Spiral this coaster is!!!! Even the FUCKING MUSIC is spirally!

It's even yellow.

So yeah, 10/10 spiral aligned coaster would ride again.

2. The Swarm (Thorpe Park)

From one heavily themed rollercoaster to another, let's take a trip down south to The Swarm, Thorpe Park. I'm going to be biased off the bat and say that the swarm is absolutely one of my faves (just look at that inverted drop!) not to mention the being only wing coaster in the UK.

That being said, despite my fanboying The Swarm was initially a hard one to place. My gut feeling was the Vast (mainly due to how it emulates the feeling of flying) or the corruption (literally called the swarm).

But then I took a step back,actually looked into the theming and lore itself, and it became clear. The Swarm is the Extinction through and through.

For those of you FREAKS no well aquiantted with Rollercoaster Lore, the story of swarm is as follows - an evil Swarm has destroyed humanity).

Thorpe Park even went as far as to put up fake posters around the park and release ARG Style adverts about it (and this song, because Merlin is nothing if not excessive when it comes to it's parks)

So with that in mind, swarm absolutely embodies the two main aspects of the extinction; both the active destruction of the apocolypse and the fear of something new replacing us (in this case presumeably sentiant rolercoasters)

3. Oblivion (Thorpe Park)

I'll keep this entry to roughly the same length as the ride itself.

You go in a Big Hole In The Ground

It's The Buried.

4. The Roller Coaster Formerly Known As The Pepsi Max Big One (Blackpool Pleasure Beach)

Finally, a coaster entry that isn't from a Merlin park. And being both the tallest and steepest rollercoaster in the world, let us introduce the pepsi max big one.

(off screeen whispers)

Wait what do you mean it's no longer the tallest rollercoaster in the world

(more whispers)

What do you mean, "or the steepest"

(even more whispers)

Wait, what do you mean it's not even the Pepsi Max Big One anymore? The Big One? really?

The Big One is an interesting case to me, in that despite technically being the tallest rollercoaster in the UK, there appears to be somewhat of a relative lack of discussion surrounding it. It's just ... there. Hell, while making this list I actually forgot it was the tallest rollercoaster in the UK. Not to mention the whole deal with its changing, corporate name. It just feels so Bizzare. Strange, even ...

That's right motherfuckers we got ourselves a Stranger rollercoaster! It perhaps isn't the most obvious choice, but I'll be damned if I hand over the tallest rollercoaster in the Uk to the Vast, that’s just boring. Plus, I personally find it quite thematically pertinent. Something about the idea of an object getting so subsumed by it’s corporate identity that when that is removed, it’s left with nothing. Something about staking a permanent identity on inherently shifting factors leading to a [redacted] Big One shaped void. 

If you want to, if you can imagine it was initially Vast before Fairchild enterprises took a hit and Nikola Orsinov swooped in to claim it. 

5) Stealth (Thorpe Park)

We've got ourselves our first pure Vast rollercoaster here folks! Coming in at a hot 5th place we have the 1st most fastest rollercoaster in the UK, that launches you 0-80 mph up 62 meters of pure steel baybe!!

And um.

It doesn't do much else.

But that simplicity is exactly what makes it so vast! The Vast wouldn't fuck around with complex things like "inversions" or "ride experience". It goes up. it goes down. If Simon Fairchild made a rollercoaster it would look like this. Take one look at this thing and tell me it doesn't embody the spirit of Mike "sought out the tallest ride at the carnival" Crew.

If the Spiral gets The Smiler as its quintessential rollercoaster, The Vast gets this.

6) Wickerman (Alton Towers)

Now, the Wickerman is another personal fave of mine, and (in my personal opinion) a key example of how amazing theming can elevate practically any rollercoaster. (To go on a tangent, I'd absolutely recommend riding this during the evening at fright night, if you can. The night serves an already great ride experience into something amazing)

Not only that, but the central theming of said rollercoaster centers around both a) Cults and B) Copious amounts of fire. So, in a manner clearly befitting its assigned entity, it doesn't exactly take an expert to put two and two together and get Ouch. That’s right, it's desolation. 

RIP Agnes Montague you would have loved this ride.

Scratch that maybe not considering how she seemingly felt about her cult. Let me change track.

RIP Gertrude Robinson you would have FUCKING LOVED this.

8) Nemesis (Alton Towers)

What, you thought I could make a UK coaster list without bringing up Nemesis? Surely not,I wouldn’t dare shaft  everyone's favorite (and currently unavailable!) B&M invert. Wait, what do you mean you don't want to hear about how it "holds up amazingly well over 30 years" and it's "Intensity rivals even that of modern coasters"?

Jokes aside, Nemesis was another hard one to place. Like Swarm, I had a very strong initial preference - this time for the slaughter, mainly due to the whole "trapped alien" deal it has going on.

But, once again like The Swarm, another look into the deeper RollerCoaster Lore (TM) revealed another core aspect of nemesis - this time, that of the Buried.

Specifically, the Lore of Nemesis centers around a mysterious alien entity (aptly named nemesis) found Buried deep underground, and having to promptly be pinned down with tons of steel (which also coincidentally, happend to be the exact shape of a rollercoaster). Hell, the lore even had a comic book made of it. 

Not only that, but the actual construction of Nemesis actively involved digging up the earth in order to create the space for it. And if that doesn't scream "buried" it's probably because you can’t hear it under all the layers of dirt. 

Honerable Mentions - Kiddy Coaster Edition

9. Flying Fish (Thorpe Park)

It's everones favourite Thorpe Park Kiddy coaster, Flying fish - a coaster with a title that is only 50% inaccurate.

In all seriousness I only chose this coaster because for some inexplicable reason I associate it with the Lonely. Specifically, Peter Lucas. No, I cannot justify this choice other than the fact that look at it and tell me you can't picture Lucas sitting on this, alone, going around and around. He doesn't move or make a sound. Just sits there. Silently .Having the time of his life.

 I like to imagine he buys out the entirety of the park for a day with the Lucas family fortune just so he can enjoy this one ride without having to see another human being (you wouldn't catch him dead in a theme park otherwise)

And this is probably as good a point as any to finish the list. Obviously there are way more UK rollercoasters you could assign fears to but these felt like some of the more interesting ones to explore. Anyway if you made it this far then damn. Well done, but also thanks for sharing in this incredibly niche magnus brainrot with me :)

[standfucker]

not gonna lie yall, it feels like all I do is either work or recover from work and it's bumming me out big time

[angeltism]

oh to be part of rentarou's massive sapphic polycule

[cobra-creampuff]

why are they laughing at him as he gets straight up killed??? he doesn't deserve this! he's a sweet kid at heart! he literally just needs one (1) real friend!!

[lale-txt]

chief of the autopsy department Y/N and god of the death Matsukawa send tweet

[lucyvaleheart]

.

[dumblildog]

Nobody cares about romance anymore do they?

[hollandorks]

I'm just having absolute shit luck these past few days.

Like the fact that half my coworkers were off yesterday and the one I was supposed to work with suddenly got sick and went home. Or the three meals I've ordered out that all ended up wrong--even at a place that's neverrrrr gotten my order wrong before. Or my brother sending me two books for my birthday except one mysteriously disappeared in the mail despite it showing as delivered. Or the fact that the one time I go to my parents house in weeks and two of their dogs try to kill each other.

It's extra bad because this is a long weekend with cooler weather and I've been looking forward to it so much and now it kind of feels ruined?

[thebleedingeffect]

.

[sparkly-skies]

@mondscheinprinzessin

LAURA LAURA LAURA

.... I might need to revise my meme. I haven't even slept yet but all this song makes me want to do is... idk, get better? Rob a bank and be able to pay for therapy and go get better? Get better and go to their concert and dance and sing along to the "oh damn it will get better even if I have to claw my way to it with my bare hands" song?

[noxtivagus]

i love final fantasy.

[uncannyandi]

[arminsumi]

cws; smut, rough s*x, mentions sq**rting, milkman cliché, namecalling, sum back scratching, this is goofy asf LOL 🐥

Milkman!Gojo who doesn't just 'dick you down'; he fucks you into the 4th dimension. His strokes are actually insane. You can't keep up with him and he's laughing about it because up until now it's been you who's the horniest — the lonely single hottie flirting obnoxiously with the way too fuckable milkman. Shit, it was you who begged him to fuck you dumb in the first place. He's jus' delivering! One second he's giving you milk and the next he's stripping his uniform off and letting his cock spring out to give you... well, more milk?!

Locking you into the nastiest mating press you've ever endured, milkman!Gojo's slamming into your sensitive pussy so hard and fast at the perfect angle that you're actually scared of your orgasm — how he works it out of you with such violent thrusts that you hiccough and feel like you're about to cry. He just gives it to you without mercy, no breaks no bullshit he is dicking you the fuck downnn

"Holy shit! Nng! Fuck! Don't you fucking stop!" you squeal, clawing desperately at his back and leaving raw red lines, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Ahhh ummm I'm gonna c-cum?! Nnn!! I'm gonna cum... I'm cumming on your cock... I... um... shit, I-I'm ahh cumming...!"

His dick has you stressing out — like actually. Your pussy's under pressure like she's taking a big dick exam. Each inch he packs into your spasming cunt is changing your world perspective. Did you squirt? You can't tell. But you came without touching your clit for like, the first time, which is insane to you. His cum is pumping into you and he's shuddering, calling you a slutty bitch or whatever other foul names — with affection, you know, he's a charming guy. And he's left you with a charming creampie to ooze out your abused cunt.

He's stifling laughter once he's done filling you up with his milk, sliding his cock out with a nasty squelchy pop! and he's asking if you're okay after literally ruining you; you can't move a single muscle, you can only "bask" in the afterglow which feels more like an aftershock because that orgasm was some high-level earthquake shit.

"What the fuck... I need t-t-to lay here and think about life for a bit..."

He's howling with laughter, "Damn, did I fuck your brains out or what?"

"Nah, shut up with ya bullshit — your dick is insane, no wonder you can't keep a girlfriend. Like, there's dicking down and then there's whatever that was — plowing me into the fourth fucking dimension... don't laugh!"

So now after that, you call your milkman up whenever you need "insane 4th dimension dicking down" and he snickers, ready to deliver — knocking at your door and waiting to cum inside.

[kaydalixza]

Making yourself a tuna melt bagel at midnight to eat watching Outnumbered because being an adult is hard when you're a 25 year old teenager carrying the weight of the world :')