#god dammit i talked myself into the plot of their fic

[bittersweetblasphemy]

*deep deep sigh*

now i have lesbian centaurs to write. someone please make me stop making OCs i want to smash together like barbie dolls.

[t00thpasteface]

do u have a post abt your martin/lucien headcanons and if not would you consider making one....

oh. my god. i have so many. SO MANY. so many headcanons and also so many posts about the headcanons.

i was going to link individual posts, but actually if you go to this blog search (the term "marcien shoutz") it will pull up all my marcien text posts and you can browse the whole lot at your leisure! and of course all the text posts i've posted and asks i've answered about marcien (including ask games and anon hour) are under the marcien tag just the same as the art posts ✨

that being said, a lot of my headcanons are actually kind of in a permanent state of flux depending on what i need/want for a particular drawing or fic. i'm torn between a few very specific possible setups for their relationship, and i jump between them (or blend them) as the rule of cool/funny dictates!

HoK introduces them as mutual friends: this could pan out in several different directions. there's the obvious one where they hit it off right away and are open about it, but there's also the version where they hook up secretly afterwards and don't tell the HoK. and there's even the third version where Lucien sees an opportunity and pretends like he wants to be closer friends with Martin while secretly plotting to exploit him... until he starts actually liking the guy for real. wait, isn't that just a Spongebob episode??

HoK sets them up on a date: i think this one is probably at its funniest when they don't get along right away. they agree to one or two dates mostly out of loneliness and/or curiosity, or just to humor the HoK, but then once it actually starts to pan out they're like... dammit, the HoK was actually right again.

failed love triangle: now this one's got some spicy potential for explosive drama. my HoK is a lesbian, so she really doesn't have a stake in a genuine love triangle, but another HoK who's already dating, crushing on, or (yikes!) engaged to one of the boys would have a lot more to lose. maybe it's not all sunshine and rainbows, but if you love angst, there's a lot of meat on this bone. you could also take the polycule route, but we're talking about Marcien and not Marcienhok, so i'm only interested in the illicit guilty hookups behind the HoK's back. muahahaha...

they met before the events of the game: these all have a very similar dynamic of the HoK independently & unwittingly befriending either half of an old flame that fizzled out, but they would start differently depending on what stage of his life Martin was in when he met Lucien: farm boy, prodigy guild mage, Sanguinite, or priest. there's a lot of potential for friction between how much Martin has changed over the years versus how constant Lucien would be as a lifelong member of the Brotherhood, and that would certainly color their expectations about reuniting and trying to get back together.

one of them has/wants to kill the other: obviously, this could refer to a scenario in which Lucien takes out a contract to kill Martin, but remember that Martin also holds a lot of influence and could absolutely have good reason to want to wipe out the Dark Brotherhood, or at least their influence in a specific area. there's a potential for bonus drama if the HoK is/was in the DBH, whether or not Martin knows about it. i'm always a sucker for the "i came here to kill you but i can't bring myself to do it anymore" dynamic you often see between an outlaw and their lover.

you can probably presume the sort of headcanons that would go along with each scenario but as always i'm happy to elaborate if there's one you want to hear more about. (and they're all on my To-Draw List… but so are ten million other things x_x;;)

if you're reading this, consider all thse ideas totally fair game for stealing for your own art/fic purposes. far be it from me to gatekeep a rarepair!! i've also beta-read some Marcien fic before and would be happy to do so again if anyone asks.

that's all for now!!! thanks SO much for the ask!!!!

[edotfightme]

The Harder Path That Could Have Been Walked

So I'm doing a live reaction to my own 10,000 word fic that I forgot I wrote. Link here. You'll probably have to read the fic to understand my reactions because I am not keying them to each part.

A lot of this is me complaining about my own writing.

Let's go!

-----<>-----

What the fuck are these tags? WHAT DO YOU MEAN KIND OF???

Why did I tag sad racoons?

Wtf do you mean "don't summon void dragons" why is that in the tags???

I finally got past the tags.

This is a lot of worldbuilding in the notes let me check how much. 540 words of worldbuilding in the tags alone.

Wtf where did I find that language what does it say?

I can't understand a single word that was said before it translated to English it doesn't really work for an effect like I clearly intended. Plus the paragraphing makes it hard to read.

Bruh the first part was badly written we're starting off strong.

Oh shit, I started recognizing the second part. Ish. Holy shit it's like a core memory was unlocked. I remember thinking this was super cool. Let adult (questionable) me be the judge of that.

Hang on I think I realized why the hook was so shit. I was trying to keep his identity hidden. Still sucked though but good on you younger me. Still too many paragraphing issues. This was before I sorted those out methinks.

Holy shit Technoblade was still alive when I wrote this. Just had a moment while I thought of it.

Eww more text I can't read. Gonna scroll to the bottom to see if I translated it. MF I DIDN'T TRANSLATE FOR EVERYONE???? Where is the fic on my computer I need to figure out the translation- I'll finish this first hold on.

Lmao Tommy got put in his place. Should've put some sort of descriptor on the text so people knew how the Piglin was talking and which ones were talking. It's too intuitive.

"What are they saying?" I wanna know that as well Techno.

I just looked for the document and couldn't find it. The meanings will be lost to time.

Oh shit I forgot about the racoons. I gave Tommy a ton of racoons. That must be the sad racoons I mentioned. Wtf am I going to do with a bunch of racoons???

I wish I didn't press 'enter' so much jfc. Learn to write a paragraph little me. Number 1 thing I'll tell myself if I ever time travel is to write a god damn paragraph. This is exhausting to read.

Ewww I forgot about "pog".

Lol he scared the shit outta everyone you go kiddo!

The references to the bits are actually pretty funny though. I just wish I could understand WHATEVER THE FUCK THE PIGLINS ARE SAYING!!!

Also the lack of racism in this book infuriates me. Don't get me wrong, I don't condone racism, but could they be just a tad bit more racist to properly set up that they are the bad guys. The cult stuff isn't enough. We need to really hate these guys. TREAT THEM LIKE SHIT!

Lmao Tommy just had a moment where he's just fucking experiencing a past life. Which is mood. Like when you're walking in a crowd and you lock eyes with a familiar stranger and you stop for a moment to stare, wondering who they could've been to you. But then the moment shatters and you're left standing with the broken remains of what could never be.

The pacing and plot convenience is shit though (where is the racism? The foreign and silent curiosity of who you are?) let me just continue the fic.

I WANT TO FUCKING READ THIS FIC NOT A TON OF GLYPHS! The whole fic will be like this god dammit. I didn't realize this was my era before I learnt how to write foreign languages.

Haha. The random moment where it's just gibberish and then "fuck".

For those of you who aren't reading alongside me, here's piglin dialouge for reference:

"ᛟᚺ! ᚺᛁ! ᛁᛟᚢ ᛊᛈᛖᚨᚲ ᛈᛁᚷᛚᛁᛊᚺ?! ᛏᚺᚨᛏ×ᛊ ᚷᚱᛖᚨᛏ! ᛗᛁ ᚾᚨᛗᛖ ᛁᛊ ᛉᛖᛈᚺᛁᚱᚢᛊ!"

wtf does that even say???

"... that good old pogtopia look in his eyes" what was younger me smoking???? I can picture the exact expression but jesus christ kid are you alright?

Why the fuck can Phil speak english? Are they all speaking a different language? What is happening right now?

"The door to their cell swung open and Mr "Goes missing and freaks everyone the fuck out but is fine since he joined a cult" runs in." Holy shit little me you fucking killed him.

"Don't worry mate you won't be sacrificed." What kind of reassurance is that? I know it's like that on purpose but it's terrible. The unknown is scarier than the known. That's what I was banking on with Sinners.

"Eventually, Wilbur stopped looking like he was 5 minutes away from war crimes and now looked like he was 2 seconds away from war crimes for a different reason." I'm sorry but these quotes are something else. Where is the comma? You could've made this a beautiful paragraph but it's just a sentence. DESCRIBE THE ANGUISH!

Which corner is Wilbur staring at? Shouldn't he just like... glare at Phil with murder in his eyes? Also why is Tommy the attack dog? I get that Wilbur is roleplaying a drama club goth but shouldn't Techno logically be the protective one here? Or them all trying to shuffle each other behind themselves like some weird fight. And Phil's just standing there confused and vaguely exasperated, like it's someone else's emotions.

Don't make me rewrite this fic I don't want to touch it again.

Lmao them being so distracted by roleplaying drama kid goths and they forget to escape. Most realistic thing I've seen so far.

WAIT THIS IS ME PRE-PANIC ATTACKS THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

Plaininnit lol that's actually a good one. Also why are they answering? Make him fight for the info you muppets! But the mental disorders though.

What was the point of that entire prison scene? It looks like it served no purpose. It didn't move the plot forward at all! It just served to show us that Phil can also speak normal? Like- we could've had that later?

At last, a piece of dialogue I think I understand! The X must be an apostrophe then.

Why is Wilbur speaking in percentages? I should've had Techno's chat run a poll and the odds not looking too good.

Why is Phil in the cult council? Did I explain that? Idk if it was in the worldbuilding or later...

Why'd Tommy also shout in another language? What is with younger me and making reading difficult? I can tell why this one was so poorly recieved, nobody wants to translate a book to read it.

Eww I used "snapped" twice in the same sentence.

Why is Tommy suddenly mute now? I know I had a reason, I just can't remember it.

Hang on I gotta scroll up and read some world-building rq.

Wait fuck what is the techno quote??? oh right- "WELCOME HOME THESEUS!" Just got to the part where Tommy mimes his name across.

*to the music of where is the justice* "Where is the pacing?"

Why the music memory thing? I know what I'm meaning for the audience to ask themselves but why did I do that? I should've introduced that later on. It would've made a better plot.

Lmao the warped fungus bit was funny though.

Bruh I nailed the creepy elder thing on the head. I don't know why I'm just good at writing sleazeballs taking advantage of kids (not sexually, just in a way that grates uncomfortably against the reader). I don't know where that comes from.

WAIT I THINK I MIGHT'VE REMEMBERED A PLOT POINT! Are all of Wilbur's snakes lavaproof? Is that why I had the scene?

Oh that is disgusting what is wrong with you little me? I should've tagged cannibalism. It feels like cannibalism.

The pandora's vault Dream being grounded bit is funny and I live for it. Little me had ideas. Offputting ideas but ideas.

Lol Elder took the jukebox.

This is so uncomfortable to read but not in the way an Elder scene is. Just Phil thinking that Tommy's eyes being red means he's happy but it's fake. And Phil hating it when Tommy's eyes are blue is just tragic. Because it comes across as Phil hating it when Tommy is himself and then he's happy when Tommy wakes up brainwashed but Tommy came to him for comfort because he was fucked I just- Little me you are one messed up kid.

HAHA He named Cat "Dream" because it envokes bad memories.

Oh wait that's what the beneath the surface intention was. The surface reference was that the colours reminded him of the people.

Phil dropped Ancient Debris on his foot. Wouldn't it be fucked up if Mojang added a weight limit in Minecraft?

KRISTEN!!!!

The typos in her description though... I want to cry.

OMG KRISTEN IS HIS THING! That's actually adorable though. Little me knows how to make me aww.

More Techno vs the Warped Fungus bit I am living for it.

What is with the blue and red strobe lights that are Tommy's eyes? What is wrong with him? Little me? Explain?

Wait why is everyone just vibin in the castle? What's with that? Also Phil being a moron for Kristen and she's just being a little shit. Dream joined a nether fortress as well lmao.

Oh that's what the warped fungus bit joke was for. So he could still be lava-proof.

BRUH WHY DID I WRITE THAT??? I SPOILED THE PLOT TWIST!

Wait why are we singing ten duel commandments? Did I organize the ending to that song? that sucks.

OH MY GOD I WROTE A CHILD GROOMER??? Holy shit that is foul. I was a child when I wrote this. What the fuck? No wonder why I was getting the heebie jeebies. I literally wrote the Elder as a character that is grooming Theseus.

The wills part was so out of place idk.

Double use of worried kill me now.

Oh damn the Phil and Kristen scene hit. That one definetly didn't feel out of place.

OH SHIT I didn't expect Phil to pull Tommy out of his ass. The jail scene looks important now.

They found him. Chat. It's only a matter of time.

Aww trauma babies. Them all being so traumatized that they're fully on alert and watching for fireworks.

LMAO SHIT HITS THE FAN AND PHIL DIPS WHAT A CHAMP.

Also the fact that I'm pretty sure the Elder was placing Tommy into a drugged trance and basically hypnotising him is fucked up. Younger me you are messed up.

Kristen's entrance was pretty darn good. Like the crows being death and just everyone and everything knowing who exactly is gracing their halls is terrifying and excellent.

Philza for the save finally! Let's go!

Lmao Techno's mates at the Bastion being right bastards and telling the gossip I am living for it.

OH shit, the author notes at the end. The entire flock was there. Damn, Elder was not escaping with his life after grooming one of his kids.

-----<>-----

And that's it! I hope you enjoyed my commentary on my 10,000-word book. I actually found it enjoyable to rediscover my own book. I can understand how other people got put off by it but after slogging through the dialogue I couldn't fucking read it was a decent story. A few issues but overall a fun experience.

[botwstoriesandsuch]

I recently read Shades of blue after you rwcommended it and Oh My God was it worth it. That was beautiful and amazing and do you have any other recommendations?

✨MISSIONS ACCOMPLISHED✨

AAAAAA I’m so glad you read it!!! Honestly I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me for recs for awhile because I have.........a few...

Miscellaneous ships here, not just Revalink but the first lot are

- Pinesong by @a-perplexing-puzzle D-Do I even need to explain myself more??? I talk about this fic every other day of the week..... it’s just great vibes....soft and fluffy and angsty just *chef’s kiss* two gay boys searching through their old memories to remember how gay they are 

- Shades of Blue by @unapologetically-asexual OK I know original anon just said they read this but for you idiots that haven’t read it yet....uhhhh get on that. Nothing I could say would really advertise this fic better than this post

- somebody’s always looking (nothing’s quite as sweet) by @kouzaires One of my FAV Coffee shop AU’s for botw....so sof......so tender...........so warrmmmmm.............they characters are written so well.....just love it...a lot

- Broken Spirits by @legendoftoad It’s just AAAAAAAAAA??!!? My boys are hurting and the malice for half of it is frickin doing things to my boy and then of course you got your PTSD themes meddled in there and hnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhghgh my hurt/comfort itch is sufficiently scratched go read

- Linger On by ICanFlyHigher [idk if they have a tumblr] Ok I actually haven’t finished this fic yet but it’s been recommended time and time again so I’ve been reading this in my spare time I’m on like Chapter 12 or 13 I think but I can say with CERTAINTY that the writing is fantastic and tender moments are off the charts and my boys are so precious and also the Yiga are actually cool in this so that’s nice

- Learning Flight by homewardbound This is just *chefs kiss* *standing ovation* *throws confetti in the air* quality quality Revalink. Just a delicious chocolate cake of botw and Revalink. You got your mysterious Revali waking up 105 years later batter, and your angsty PTSD gay boys duo chocolate chips, and then you can chuck in some engaging sideplot elements as a few tall tiers, and then the cake is all whipped up with the wooden spoon of subtextual writing just mmmm delicious. and ALSO I betaed a thing that is gonna happen and let me tell you shit is gonna happen like VERY IMPORTANT SUPER COOL plot twists be happening so you better read it 

- Conversations After The End Of The World by @bismuthllie Ok this one’s a oneshot but I always go back and read it because...idk it just strums my heart strings a lot...I’ve said Pinesong was my first big Revalink fic I’ce read, but this was like...my first, first piece of Revalink content I read ever so...yeah <3 ....and also the art for this comic is fantastic too even thought it gives me the emotions......hahaha ok Revali it’s time to stop being dead

- I See You Swimming In The Sky by @unavoidablekoishi OK OK I know my logic isn’t the best considering it’s the only Revali/Mipha fic I’ve read, but god dammit it’s the best Revpha fic I’ve ever read I still need to catch up cause I’m like 3 chapters behind but this fic CONVERTED me ok, miphvali went from a “huh yeah the art is nice I can kinda see it” to “THAT FISH IS SIMPING FOR THE BIRD 24/7 AND THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER″ This is some *claps* GOOD. SHIT. Ok? *slaps roof of fic* This bad boy can fit so much charming characterization and interaction (and also has made me scream both happily and not happily on several occasions)

- Guardian of The Wilds by @no-themes-just-memes in which I constantly miscall it “Guardian of the Wild” because I’m stupid This isn’t so much a ship fic but it’s so cool Link is a spirit, Urbosa and Zelda’s mom are a thing, Zelda is HERE and she is AMAZING like no spoilers but holy shit Zelda is here and slaying in more ways than one and riding Satori and hhnnnnhhhhhhhh it’s all about those ~plot twists~ and tone changes ya know? very very very nice...

- Firebird by @paellaplease Oh no, it’s Kip’s obligatory Firebird gush whoopsie poopsie who would have guessed surely not me. This is just my standard for Oc ship content now it’s so good I am gay for one fire girl Maiya is my spirit animal and I just wanna cup her in my hands softly even though I know she would probably burn me for it but it would totally be worth it. The writing is just superb and I am also gay for great imagery and action which this is chalk full of so go read it 

Ok it’s actually 2am right now and I still need to finish a bunch of AP work so I’m just gonna speed run the rest of these recs

@echogekkos writes such cute and soft Miphlink fics that are on my top tier list like this one and oh crap this post made me realize Healing Touch updated crap there are so many things I need to read and catch up on anyways want more miphlink angst? BOOM read the inspiration for eternity by Merakkli and oh what’s that? You want deep lore that was custom made with lots of hot ocs in a fic that spans way beyond BOTW welp here’s Hyrule Bound a universe entirely created by @themisadventurescrew which is yet another fic series that I am behind on crap but oh shit @kittmoon has started a chapter fic called Jaded Seas recently so you should go read that but also all of their oneshots are great as well so you should follow them and did I mention that everyone I’ve tagged are people you should follow because yeah anyhow here’s a crackfic about Goron children that had me shaking out of either fear or confusion for a few days by @angsttronaut ok moving on @thatsnotzelda writes beautifully just take a look at this angsty Revalink thing and also bambambambam you’ve been ambushed by @hatenostorms @going-fancognito @ashrel @lizards-writing-blog so now go request some from them because I said so they’re great also uhhh @idiotic-canadian and @moonchildrenn [Pins_and_Patches on ao3] hate happiness but that’s ok because I get to be emotionally wrecked by their angst and whump hurray! wait fUCK I completely forgot to rec this earlier but my first Zelpha fic was this gorgeous Coffeeshop AU by @theseventhsage called Dreaming of Coffee and Love so go read that *flipping through entire history of ao3* let’s see let’s see... All of the Rito Chronicles by  sturms_sun_shattered is great, and this Teba/Harth one is also a fav and oh CRAP my zelink content is just everything by @fatefulfaerie because it’s just *throws colorful streamers in the air* pretty and I love their writing welp I’m about to collapse lets just end it off with the z’s like @zzariyo and @zeawesomebirdie on ao3  they are some pretty radical french fries if i do say so myself and and ok ok read this other Zelpha coffee au which is also by @kouzaires and this Modern au also by @unavoidablekoishi ok that’s all I can remember right now bye 

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Hey, what about "fuckin"

Since.. you know it's mondo haha, laugh.

Dude, I straight up looked up how many times I used the word f*ck (yes, I censor my curses when I'm not writing fic. Yes, I understand how silly that is) because I was curious earlier, and it was well over 5,000 times (5,664, to be exact), including past and future tenses. The fic so far is 250,000 words. That means 2% of this fic is just the word f*ck. Sh*t was used about 2,500 (2,592 exactly) times, d*mn 600 times (less than I thought, to be honest, since that includes godd*mn, which had about 500 alone), d*mmit 37 times, and b*tch 41 times. Mondo is a foul mouth little boy who needs some gosh darn soap for his gosh darn potty mouth.

Because of this, I legit don't think I can do this request. I can straight up take any given paragraph and use it, ha. The only time I use f*ckin' in the story is during dialogue, most of which is shown in TPWP. But you know what? I'll take a look during the scenes that are unique to this story, ones without Taka, and see what I can find. I was curious if anyone would try a curse word, though, ha.

UPDATE: OH MY GOD I JUST LEARNED THAT MY HUGE FILE FOR ALL OF TPWM DIDN'T HAVE TWO CHAPTERS. WHICH MEANS THIS STORY IS EVEN LONGER THAN I THOUGHT. SORRY, I'M JUST FLOORED BY THIS. TPWM IS ACTUALLY 20K SHY OF 300K WORDS. TPWP ONLY HAD A LITTLE UNDER 200K WORDS BY THE SAME POINT IN THE PLOT. I'M SORRY TO DERAIL HERE, BUT I'M HONESTLY TERRIFIED BY THE LENGTH OF TPWM. HELP.

As it stands, the f*ck total has gone up to 6,299 instances. Mondo used the word f*ck 634 times in two chapters. I....... may have over done it with curses. Oop.

Anyway! I found a scene from a chapter that I added to TPWM since it got too long to go where it went in TPWP and I split it into it's own chapter. This chapter is why TPWM goes from two chapters out of order with TPWP to one in my little explanations for where these segments come from. It occurs right before the fall festival, when Mondo is waiting for Taka to finish getting the festival ready. I added quite a bit to have it all make sense, so it's a a pretty substantial segment. I also think I may have updated this chapter from what I have on my computer, I'll have to check my phone's note app later, but this should be fine for these purposes. Just know it may be different when I actually post in several months, since I recall extensively updating this chapter, but not if I emailed myself the document with the updated version. I hope y'all like!

send me a word & i’ll post a sentence from my WIP that contains that word

Fuckin': “Okay, then tell me... what /is/ your type, huh? ‘Cuz we’ve been friends for two months now and I can’t figure that shit out. You say that Maizono is hot, but too high maintenance. You say Chi is pretty, but too timid. And every other chick we talk about gets the same treatment! Always some problem or other. What chick could possibly hold up to your impossible fricken standards? Maybe that’s why you can’t score a date. You’re too picky. And don’t fricken get offended, I’m just saying, shit.”

Mondo clenches his fists again, the anger inside him rising. /Again/. He glares at Leon bitterly, his insides squirming with his rising rage. Fuck, does he want to let that shit out and just fucking /scream/ at this jackass. To not be forced to listen as his so called ‘friend’ insults him. But... he’s been doing his best to work on shit like this. On not exploding over simple shit. Taka always is saying careless things that sound rude on the surface, but actually aren’t, so he’s had to practice not blowing up over tiny slights. But it sure as shit is a close thing... Leon sure is lucky Mondo is friends with Taka and that he is trying to learn to control his anger, shit...

“Okay, this is your last fucking warning. Shut the /fuck/ up! So what, I know what I like?! Not everyone is fuckin’ content chasin’ after anythin’ with legs! God fuckin’ /dammit/, shit!” Mondo curses, fighting to keep his voice level down. Leon is glaring at him now, and Mondo is more than content to glare back. But if that motherfucker says /one more thing/...

Luckily, again, Leon seems to realize this. It takes him a moment, but soon he is sighing, his shoulders relaxing from the tense bunch and his face no longer all pinched and angry. Hrm...

“Shit, man. I’m not trying to offend, goddamn. I just mean... seriously. What /is/ your type? Maybe if you tell me, I can try and help you find someone who matches. Or is at least close, shit... ‘cuz seriously, man. You honestly don’t seem interested in chicks, not gonna lie.”

Shit. Shit. /Shit/, the fuck does he fucking mean by that?! Not... not interested in chicks?! Is he- is he trying to- to /imply/ something, is he- h-he-

Mondo’s racing thoughts get interrupted by Leon again, the teen’s voice softer than it had been, though it still holds a hint of agitation.

“I can see you fricken overthinking over there. Look, I know I say shit that can be considered rude, but I would have thought you’d know by now that I don’t fricken mean it that way. I’m not trying ta insult you. I just wanna help. Okay? Shit...”

Okay. Okay, okay. Mondo... /did/ know that, yeah. It’s one of the reasons he still isn’t sure if he actually enjoys hanging around Leon or not, as big a douchebag as he can be. But the teen has some good parts and does seem to like hanging out with him... plus, it ain’t like Mondo’s not the exact same, so it would be fucking hypocritical if he were to get angry at the teen for it... ugh. Fine. /Fine/. He won’t get angry. /This time/.

“Ugh. Whatever, dude. But I am, alright? Interested in chicks. I ain’t fuckin’ gay! Not that there’s any fuckin’ problem in bein’ gay, but I fuckin’ ain’t! But since ya asked... fine. I’ll tell ya. But if you fuckin’ laugh at /anythin’/, I will straight up knock you the fuck out, don’t think I won’t!” Mondo growls, glaring at Leon again.

Leon rolls his eyes at the bluster, but nods readily enough, leaning in so their conversation can be a bit more private. Ugh... fine. Here goes nothing...

“Just... I don’t want a fuckin’ one night stand or shit like that, okay? When I look fer chicks, I’m lookin’ fer someone I think I can, ya know... /be with/. Fer longer than a fuckin’ night. Daiya always had some chick or other in his room, an’ he seemed ta enjoy that kinda shit, was always polite an’ kind ta them and they were polite an’ kind back, but I... I never fuckin’ wanted that shit. Seemed... I dunno. Empty ta me. I always wanted somethin’ with more substance than that. So... I got my standards. Things I know would ruin a long-term relationship if a chick did or didn’t have it. Unlike what most people think, I do fuckin’ know what I’m like, shit. Ain’t exactly the easiest person ta talk ta or be close ta, an’ I fuckin’ know that. So just... shit. Fuckin’...”

Mondo feels discomfort rise inside him, absolutely /hating/ the goddamn /vulnerability/ he’s showing right now. He can feel that discomfort turning to rage, his body wanting so bad to flip the table and scream up a storm and head out to his baby and ride until he can’t ride no more, but before he can, Leon... Leon replies. Shit...

“Huh. That... that makes sense, shit. Didn’t realize ya’d be that kinda guy, but I get it, man. Ain’t no shame in it. Some dude’s just want commitment, an’ while I don’t personally care, I can respect that. But, uh... thanks for telling me that. Know ya don’t like saying shit like that, heh,” Leon mumbles, looking a little awkward, but mostly genuine. Fucking... huh. Wouldn’t have expected /that/ from the musician. It helps settle something inside of Mondo, making the anger fade. A little. Enough so he isn’t standing and storming off, at least.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Stop bein’ a little bitch ‘bout it,” Mondo mumbles back, his cheeks warm. Leon snickers, leaning across the table to push against Mondo’s shoulder, playfully.

“Alright, whatever. But dude, come on! Tell me. What is your type? You’re being so cryptic, shit. If we’re gonna act like goddamn school girls, might as well go all fricken out, shit. What, ya only like chicks who are cross eyed or something? I mean, hey, if that’s your thing-“

“Oh, shut up, ya jackass,” Mondo laughs, shoving back, snickering at the ridiculous fucking eyebrow wiggle Leon does. Bastard.

After a moment, Mondo sobers up and lets out a forceful sigh, his shoulders tensing at the question. He doesn’t like talking about shit like this, damn. It always embarrasses him, even though it’s perfectly natural to have a type, ya know? But... ugh. Fine. Dudes talk about this shit, he knows that. His gang would always talk about shit like this, talking about what kind of chicks (or dudes, for those who favored dick) they liked. It ain’t anything to be embarrassed about, right? Shit...

“But ya know what? Fine. I’ll tell ya. Again, laugh an’ ya’ll regret it, but... I’ve got a few standards that matter most. First, chick has ta be hot, duh. Or at least she’s gotta care ‘bout her ‘ppearance, ya know? Ain’t gonna date a chick who don’t put any care inta how she looks, shit. Second, she, uh... she’s gotta care ‘bout shit. Like... she’s gotta have drive or shit like that. Somethin’ she‘s passionate ‘bout. Can’t have someone who is just... passive, ugh. Third... shit. I dunno, she’s gotta... gotta be patient an’ shit. Understandin’. ‘Cuz, ya know... ‘m kind ofa fuckin’ douchebag, heh. Shit...”

Mondo pauses for a second, hating how warm his cheeks feel, but Leon isn’t looking at him weird. He just... shit. Looks thoughtful and shit. Hmm... whatever, don’t fucking matter. Taking a deep breath, he averts his eyes and continues.

“Fourth... she’s gotta- gotta... gotta be fuckin’ kind. Nice, ya know? Don’t wanna be stuck with a stuck up bitch, goddamn. An’ this ain’t a make ‘r break thing, but I’d like her ta care ‘bout other people an’ shit. Wanna help others. Shit like that. An’... an’ fin’lly, uh... she’s gotta have her own mind. Her own ‘pinions. Can’t be afraid ta say what she thinks. Maybe even be a little stubborn, ta even out my stubborn ass. There’s some other, smaller stuff, but mainly... shit. Main thing is, she’s gotta be able ta put up with me. Which, uh... ain’t exactly easy, shit. Now, ya fuckin’ satisfied? Gotta tell ya my preferred sex positions or somethin’, or can we let this shit drop now? God fucking damn...”

Mondo looks up at Leon then, his insides a fucking /mess/. Fuck, but he hates being open like this. If he were talking to /Taka/, then shit, that shit would be just fine. Taka don’t ever fucking judge, he’s too fucking nice for that. But he ain’t talking to Taka. And Leon... while he’s a decent guy at times, he can be the biggest fucking douchebag at others. And Mondo is honestly tired of getting angry every five seconds, shit.

However... the look Leon is giving him is hard for him to decipher, even as good as he is at that kinda shit. He... he is definitely giving Mondo a Look, but what it means is just... baffling. He honestly looks kinda... constipated, the fuck...?

“Holy shit. Okay... shit. /Shit/. I... I know this is gonna make ya lose your shit, but ya know what? Whatever. We’re friends an’ I think /someone/ has gotta say this shit ta you, at least once.” What... the fuck... Mondo is getting super fucking freaked, especially at the kinda panicked but also /determined/ look that is rising on the musician’s face, which is... so fucking concerning... “But... damn. Ya- y-you do realize... shit. You do realize that you /straight up/ just described Ishimaru... right? L-like... every single thing ya said matches the tightass to a fricken /tee/. Well, outside of the ‘hot’ one, but I guess he does seem to care about his appearance, s-so there is that. But, uh... shit. He’s got drive, he cares about people, he can be patient and he sure as shit can be stubborn... ain’t afraid ta say his mind... almost a little too unafraid of that, h-heh... an’ he, uh... he most definitely seems more than capable of putting up with your ass, goddamn. U-uh... ya know. Shit like that...”

Holy... shit. Holy, goddamn, motherfucking /shit/!

Mondo is fucking /frozen/ again, eyes wide as they glare at the table, unable to meet Leon’s /goddamn/ stare. Because... n-no. That ain’t... /no/, fucking... /no/. W-while yeah, Taka /is/ all of that shit, it’s not... it doesn’t mean anything! That- that’s just why they work so well together, that’s it! Just because the kid checks all his boxes means nothing! He... he ain’t fucking gay, shit! How many goddamn times does he gotta /say that shit before people realize he fucking means it, god fucking damn/-

(Occurs during chapter 12 of TPWM, corresponding kind of with the end of chapter 13 and the beginning of chapter 14 of TPWP. Also, I have no idea what male friends talk about. Girls? Do they... do they talk about girls???)

[zankivich]

An Unexpected Romance: Chris Evans x Black! Female Reader Part 2

a/n: this one was really fun to write. I’m back in my bag tbh. These are some cute characters if I do say so myself. Like everything I write I feel like  this could be a fully blown multi-chapter fic. Also it’s finna get smutty so I hope you’re prepared for that. Let me know what you think? K bye. 

WARNINGS: Smut, softness, too much cuteness? 

Part 1 Part 3

The call comes two days later. Not that he leaves any room to be forgotten. No, Chris had texted you bright and early the next morning to thank you again for giving him a chance, and to apologize if he’d been in any way aggressive. You were quick to reassure him there’d been no aggressiveness on his end, certainly not any that was unwanted. He was a good texter, happy to provide details about himself, and to notice the details you, yourself, provided.

Chris: What are you up to this morning anyway?

Y/n: I had an early meeting with the company I just signed on with for a project I’m spearheading, and now I’m in my office preparing the debrief on that meeting which will be presented at another meeting.

Chris: Wow. Sounds intense. What do you do for a living?

Y/n: I’m a senior level consultant at a consulting firm. I basically just get hired to tell folks what they’re doing wrong and how to fix it. Then I leave before they fix it.

Chris: Ah so you liked to be in control huh?

Y/n: I...trust my gut, and my gut has yet to lead me astray. I only make decisions I believe in.

Chris: And what is your gut telling you about me y/n?

Y/n: It’s telling me to keep texting you even when I shouldn’t. Even when I’m busy. I like the things you say.

Chris: I like that. My gut is telling me you’re important. I can’t really explain it further than that. I just think we could be really good together.

You bit your lip, eyes roaming over the words in the message a few times. It was sweet. Damn him all to hell.

Fast forward to the next day where you’d spent all day outside of the office meeting with clients. He caught you in the middle of your lunch break between bites of sandwich that wasn’t very good. You’d put his name in your phone as just Chris, and yet when his name flashed across the screen the letters may as well have been hieroglyphics. It took you ten seconds just to get your shit together.

“Hello?” You swallowed into the phone, trying to manage an up-beat cadence.

Chris was like honey through the phone, as if the weight of the conversation was nothing to him.

“Hello. God, I gotta tell you it’s good to hear your voice. I thought I was starting to lose it in my memory for a second.”

You chuckled. “I’m sure it’s been exceptionally trying for you.”

“It has, it has. So perhaps you won’t think I’m being too pushy by asking you out tonight?”

You moved the phone just far enough away from your ear to wordlessly praise the lord to the air. Or whoever was up there.

“Um...tonight, huh?”

“Yea do you already have plans?”

“No, no. I just have a pretty long day ahead of me. I might not be able to make an early dinner.”

“Well that’s okay. Dinner isn’t even what I had in mind. What if I picked you up at, say eight-thirty? Would that be enough time?”

You bit your lip. “It would...Can I ask, if we’re not going to dinner, where are we going?”

“Now that....is a surprise. Send me your address, I’ll be there at eight-thirty sharp.”

“Oh lord. Okay I guess I’ll see you then.”

“I look forward to it.”

It took you a moment to remember to put the phone down. Men were usually very simple. Dinner, usually somewhere they can order a steak. They like to do dinner on the earlier side, give them ample time to order drinks. The more drinks they order the higher they believe their chance of sleeping with you goes up. In all your years of “grown up dating”, you could count on one hand the amount of men who had offered to take you somewhere other than dinner on the first date, and never had that place been alcohol free.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was more that understanding men; their preconceived notions, their inadequacies, their mentality etc. was about safety for yourself and for others who may fall victimized. The patriarchy was toxic afterall and perhaps no one knew this better than Black women.

And yet Chris seemed to be evading your expectations, and not for the sake of keeping you on your toes. It was as if his aura existed outside of your expectations all together. He didn’t need to trick you, or convince you. He was just himself, and that self was perhaps better than the vast majority of men you’d met in your life. Could that be? Was it really possible? It seemed like you’d find out regardless.

***

Large hoop earrings are truly a staple piece for any iconic outfit. Without the dread of a formal dinner, you were excited to play with your wardrobe a little bit. There was a beautiful pastel pink camisole that matched a floral set of pumps quite perfectly. The slicked back ponytail and the knitted cardigan are simply added bonuses. Ya girl looked good as per the usual is the moral of the story.

By the time he knocks on your door there’s a giddiness to you. Grownup dating seemed to lack a certain excitement at that point in your life. Oftentimes priorities didn’t match up, men didn’t say what they really wanted, or truly were after. But it really did seem like Chris just wanted to show you a good time. And as much as you were trying to keep the walls up and stay smart, you couldn’t help but be hopeful that he might prove you wrong.

“Hello.” He smiled warmly at the threshold. “You look beautiful.”

Your brain had short-circuited. This was basically nuclear warfare and you were not having it! He was wearing a thin black sweater that stretched tightly across the firmness of his chest. There was a level of scruff that was absolutely tantalizing, and the way his eyes were one step away from twinkling like an anime character was a reality that suffocated you with the weight of it. It was truly too much. This man looked straight out of a factory. The wind had been zapped from your sails. Dammit.

“You look...really good yourself.” You hummed. “Like, unnaturally good actually.”

He only laughed wild and carefree arms coming up into a shrug.

“I gotta keep up with you somehow, right? So you ready to go?”

“Yes actually, let me just shoot a quick text…” You mumbled, swiping your fingers across the screen.

y/n: Okay we’re leaving the house. Remember if I don’t text back for an hour without stating why to track my phone.

Raya: don’t worry girl ain��t nobody gone call the police on captain america. Yo black ass wouldn’t make it a second

Jesse: Me and my cousins will ride up there swinging if need be. You just say the word mija

Tanya: or not word….cause the girl might be dead????

Jesse: Oh...you right

Y/n: okay BYE NOW

Usually the group text for dates was centered on safety and precaution. You had a feeling this one was going to be fully for them to clown your ass for the rest of the night.

Chris gets the door for you, and it’s easy to note immediately that you’re sliding into a tesla. The fact that it looks like a spaceship on the inside is a dead giveaway. But the car is warm and the second he slides into the driver’s seat, his large frame takes up precedence in the vehicle. His non-driving arm lands on the middle console sending parks of heat over to your seat with stark intensity.

“So, you’re still not gonna tell me where we’re going? You know that’s like prime serial killer talk right?” You noted.

He smiled again, this wide grin that seemed to transform his entire face. It seemed infectious just to look at him.

“Gosh you’re totally right. I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, we’re heading towards the city and not away from it. It’s a public place, I promise.”

“Okay Chris. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt...for now.” You teased.

He looked over at you instead of the road.

“I like the way you say my name.”

Oh chile….

“Mmm. Noted.”

There had been a certain energy the night you met. It had existed in the non-existent space between your bodies as he held you against his chest. A sort of aura that pulled you, pulled the both of you in. It had felt a little overwhelming then, but to know that it existed now within the small confines of the car was another thing entirely. Your body tilted in the direction of his unconsciously, your elbow propped on the console directly next to his. You were drawn to him. And the good news was he seemed to be too.

You were both confused and happy to see him steer clear of the usual Beverly Hills or Hollywood spots. Where does one such movie star as Chris Evans take a woman on a date anyway? Your girls had discussed everything from WolfGang Puck to the Rosevelt. The sun was sinking low and heavy in the sky as night began its arrival. As he navigated you to the Santa Monica Pier you felt the giddiness from early wreck havoc in your belly. It was so far from anything you could have ever expected in the best way possible. All the nerves of being with this guy you really liked sort of melted away and gave way for excitement.

“The boardwalk huh?” You grinned out the window.

“Yea. There’s great street food, games, views. I figure it’s pretty tough to have a bad time here. Increases my chances of you agreeing to a second date.” He smirked.

You laughed a little louder than your flirting giggle and turned to face him straight on.

“Oh so you already plotting the second date now!”

He laughed right along with you.

“Sweetheart I’m on date number four up here.” He pointed to his forehead.

“Sheesh! Well I don’t want to disappoint, but I played point guard in high school so if we find some hoops I’ma have to put your ass to shame.”

“Oh she’s trash talking me already ladies and gentlemen!”

You were already taking your seatbelt off and reaching for the door handle. It was the most excited you’d ever been on a date, couldn’t even remember the last time someone took you some place to be goofy and play games. You typed your destination into your group chat and told your girls not to bother you. It was finna be a night.

It comes to no surprise that you end up at the arcade. He buys the tokens, you buy the beers. And then...it’s on.

“I want to start by saying that I am firm in my masculinity. Basketball is not my game, and I stand by that.”

You rolled your eyes around your beer and quickly took off your cardigan to free your arms.

“Boy, put the tokens in the machine and quit playing.”

He only grins at you so sweet it makes your teeth hurt.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Side by side in front of the basketball arcade game, you each take shots at the swinging net. Unfortunately there are no bonus points for fine looking biceps while missing shots. This leaves you to crush your opponent--date, whatever--by over twenty points. Though Chris was “firm in his masculinity” this did not stop him from being competitive, so he quickly threw more tokens into the machine and tugged the sleeves of his too-tight sweater up his arms. He makes a shot while you just stared at him, a little dazed. You only beat him by eight that time. Rude.

“Okay,” Chris panted. “I lied. I do play basketball. I like to think I’m pretty good at it too, but you definitely just kicked my ass.”

“I was MVP all three years I played. It’s not your fault.” You giggled.

“You play in college at all?” He asked as you took your beers and moved on to a new game.

You shook your head. “I went to Howard for both undergrad and my masters. We’re D1 and I wasn’t that good. I got an academic scholarship instead.”

“So brains and a killer arm? Anything else I should know?”

“Hmm...I have an irrational fear of mice? I found a mouse once in my kitchen when I was a little girl. I got so scared that I literally fainted.”

“Brains, killer arm, faints at the side of mice. So, I guess Cinderella for date number two is out.”

You placed your arm on his shoulder as you laughed. The sheer volume of muscle was not lost on you, nor the way your mouth salivated in response. Woops.

“I’d be down to watch Ratatouille. That’s my favorite food movie ever, I think. I guess animated equals not so scary.”

He smiled and let you keep your palm on his shoulder for much longer than was necessary.

“Duly noted. Shall we?”

Chris beats you in skee ball, and you beat him in some random zombie shooter game. Eventually he lets you lean on him to take your shoes off so that the two of you can do a dance revolution game. It’s silly and awful, and you laugh the entire way through it. There’s more arm touching and at some point he finds an excuse to touch your waist again. The way you bite your lip and stare up at him is only interrupted by the squeal of children’s laughter. There’s an increase in your heart beat that can’t be explained by the physical activity of the game alone, and the heat in his eyes is not nearly PG-13 enough.

“Should we uh...go get a snack or something?” You mumbled still peering up at his lips.

His grip on your waist only grows tighter, and you swear it’s past them kids' bedtime.

“Sure, why not?” He grins before slowly letting you go.

Sweet jesus.

It’s only when there’s a foot of space between the two of you that you can breathe normally again. But then he reaches for your hand and intertwines your fingers. Breathing is clearly overrated.

You buy two different flavors of icecream to split and find a bench tucked away in the lights of the pier to keep talking.

“So what about you?” You asked between globs of cookie dough.

“What about me?”

“I know what you do for a living obviously but like...Where are you from? Do you have siblings? What’s your favorite food? How do you take your coffee? That kinda shit.”

He beams at you and holds a spoon of his rocky road to your lips. You hold eye contact as your lips wrap around the spoon. His lips part just barely and you know you’re not the only who can’t get a grip tonight. Good.

He clears his throat. “I’m originally from Boston, but I grew up in a town like thirty minutes away called Sudbury. I have two younger siblings, a brother and a sister, and an older sister. They’re all much smarter than me I promise. My uh father remarried so I’ve got some half-siblings too. I can break out the family tree sometime if you want. I really enjoy seafood. I think it has something to do with where I grew up. I take my coffee black.”

“Boston, eh? LA must have taken some getting used to.”

He chuckled. “I still don’t think I’ve gotten used to LA. I have a place in Massachusetts. It keeps my mom happy, and makes it easy to go home. I’m between projects for now, but its easier sometimes to just be here for the talk shows and the meetings and what not. I’ll be honest it’s been looking up lately though.”

Damn him and his ocean eyes and his dumb dumb smile and his stupid facial hair. And...now he’s putting more ice cream in your mouth. Diabolical.

“What about you? From DC to LA?” He asked.

“Ugh it does feel pretty cliche, I know. I never in a million years though I’d live out here. It’s tough cause all my family is east coast as well. When I was fresh out of grad school I got offered a job at a firm out here. The salary and the benefits were some of the best of my class. I couldn’t really say no. And now I mean...you saw me and my girls. I found community out here. It’s scary to think of losing that.”

“Hey that makes sense. You’ve made a life for yourself here. That’s really admirable.”

“Yea I guess. It helps to live away from the worst of it all. And I suppose LA does sometimes come with perks.” You smiled in his direction.

“I could not agree more.”

*Meanwhile in your phone*

Raya: what do we think? Is she still alive?

Tanya: Girl please. The only thing that girl is at risk for is a good dicking.

Raya: sljgdlkfgjkl you goin to hell

Jesse: Should we take our bets now?

Tanya: I’m putting five on the captain throwing her back out TONIGHT

Raya: I’m putting ten on y/n holding out just to be stubborn af

Jesse: I’m with Raya on this one.

You walk through the sand together with his arm wrapped around your shoulder. There’s everything from playful jabs to probing questions to heavy flirting. At some point it transcends the innocence of a first date. Perhaps it's the moment when he offers to carry your heels so you can feel the sand between your toes. Or the moment when you tell him something funny and he laughs into your neck till all you can feel is the rumble of his chest and the warmth of his skin. Maybe it’s the feel of his fingers untangling your hair from your cardigan when the wind traps it. There’s a softness to him in all his overt physicality. He thumbs at your chin playfully and smiles down at you. It’s not just softness then. It’s tenderness too. And you melt into him.

“Hi.” he whispered till you smiled.

“Hi.” You whispered back.

“Can I kiss you by chance?”

Your arms slide closer wrapping firmly around his neck.

“Absolutely.”

If his chest is rock-hard muscle then his lips are the antithesis of that. The kiss is soft and yearning when he wraps them around your own, and his hands ain’t bad either. Before you know it you’re wrapped up in him and he in you until there’s no clear discernment of where one begins and the other ends. But it doesn’t matter when his tongue is just as teasing and probing at his personality, and you fingers scratch roughly through the strands of his hair.

The only thing that could possibly bring such a perfect moment to an end is the need to breathe. You pull away with a stuttering gasp, and he hides his face in your neck with a whine that awakens a whole new fire with you.

“Wow.” He sighed.

“Yea...Wow.”

You blinked a couple of times to try and bring yourself back to reality and out of...whatever the hell that was.

“I should uh--I should get you home right? You had a long day.”

He squeezed at your shoulders before pulling away and you swore it was colder without him near. As the night suddenly hurdled towards a close, you felt a sense of longing. You weren’t quite ready to let him go yet, and the anticipation of being without him was already wreaking havoc on your nerves. The only good news is he holds your hand the entire walk back to the car, and his shoulder makes for lovely resting space.

The car ride feels like a fraction of the time it took to get there. Perhaps it's because you know each other better now, have a taste of what it’s like to be next to one another. Like a junky you were hooked. White, Black, or green, there wasn’t anything that could stop you from wanting to be near him. He was infectious, and he’d gotten himself directly under your skin.

“Could I walk you to the door?” He asks.

“Please.” You nodded.

You take smaller steps as if that will make it all go slower. And a grin forms slowly on your lips when you notice his much lengthier legs attempting to do the same. It’s the kind of PG-13 shit you’d never really experienced before. How pathetic that the second you got just a tiny bit of it you were practically begging for more.

The light beneath your door illuminates the movement of your bodies. You turned with your back to the door to face him, aware for the first time that you’d been smiling for a while, that you had no idea how to stop smiling.

“I gotta say I had a really great time.” You murmured. “Thank you for the effort and the fun and...the kiss.”

“That means the world to me. All I wanted was for you to have a good time. Honestly I think that was the best first date I’ve ever been on.”

“You know, I think that was the best first date I’ve ever been on as well.”

He smiled widely at you. “Good. So now we’ve set the bar so high that it really only makes sense for us to go on another date right?”

“I think I could be up for that, yea.”

“Could you be up for another kiss?” He teased.

“Could you be up for coming inside?” You countered.

His eyes widened at that, the intricate game of you both keep each other on your toes unfolding. You weren’t even sure where the idea had come from. You certainly hadn’t planned it. At some point you realized you had to go inside, and the thought of him being on the other side of the door just didn’t feel right.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose if you’re tired. I know your work day was long.”

You nodded eyes skimming from his ankles to his hair.

“Suddenly? Not so tired.”

“Me neither. Let’s go inside.”

That’s what you thought.

You unlocked the door to your place leading him into the living room.

“Um make yourself comfortable. I just gotta let my girls know I got home alright. Do you want anything to drink?” You asked.

“I better not. Still gotta drive home.”

There was something about his lack of confidence about getting laid that had you pausing in the kitchen. Few men had ever made it past the threshold on the first date. The threshold may as well have been a neon arrow towards your vagina. Not that you’d decided to have sex with him. Of course not...

Y/n: I know y’all are not placing bets that center around my pussy. Get a life.

Raya: Girl I’m married with two kids and you just went out with Chris Evans. Your life is my life. Don’t take that from me.

Tanya: Now sis, why are you texting us when there is some red, white, and blue DICK to be had.

Jesse: djdflkjgdf

Raya: lmao. She got a point. Did he drop you off?

Y/n: He did.

Tanya: Annnnnnnnnnnd?

Y/n: Annnnnnd my date ain’t over. I simply must be going. Night night!

Your phone began to erupt with buzzes in your palm. You quickly set it to silent to ignore the peanut gallery and headed back to your date.

Chris was in your living room staring at a photo you had set up on the wall. It was you, your mother, and your little brother all wrapped up in each other from your graduation the second time. The fact that his ass was poised like a piece of fruit begging to be plucked from the tree is a secondary detail.

“Is this your family?” He grinned. “You look just like your mother.”

You stalked closer, ready to be in his space again, and smiled.

“This was for degree number two. I’m the first to ever get a master’s, and my mom couldn’t stop crying the whole day. This is the only picture I had where she wasn’t obviously in tears.” You hummed.

“That’s beautiful. She’s got so much to be proud of. You’re clearly an amazing woman.”

Most may have tilted their head in shyness, maybe looked at the ground and ignored the compliment. Such a cliche. You had learned long ago that the most radical, most self-loving thing you could do was believe your own hype. Others will rarely do it for you. Chris seemed to be the exception to many rules.

You raised your chin proudly. “Thank you. Every ounce of it, I get from her. I can assure you of that.”

“I believe you. Mothers really are the superheroes of the world, no pun intended.”

You reached for his hand slowly, heart warming at the way he instantly went to intertwine your fingers. He was truly nestling himself inside your head, your walls coming down one by one. Silence pursued as you led him towards the couch, his eyes raking over every inch of you as you moved. As his back hit the couch, you stepped out of your heels. His legs were deeply parted and the thickness of his thighs looked like the perfect seat. It didn’t help the way his hands were gripping his thighs like an invitation. That knot that sometimes appeared in your belly when he was around tightened.

“Can I sit with you?” You hummed.

“You can sit anywhere you’d like.”

His voice had suddenly gone husky and deep, your eyes fluttering wantonly at the sound. You were mostly definitely going to take him up on that.

You placed your foot on the space of the cushion right next to his thigh, and used the leverage to climb yourself into his lap.  His hands immediately came to rest on the small of your back pulling you close, close, close.

This kiss is better. Much better.

Whatever gentlemanly urges he’d proudly displayed throughout the night, quickly gave way to a new urge, a hunger that boiled hot for each of you. It was the same feeling you’d felt when he first caught you at the bar, multiplied by a million. His facial hair rubbed tantalizing along your jaw as he kissed and bit and marked you with reckless abandon. Your fingers turned to fists in his hair and tugged sharply. The moan he released in response had your hips bucking up against his.

“God, come here.” He muttered against your throat.

His too-large palms went from your back to your ass and suddenly he was tugging you rougher, firmer, right against something firm of his own.

“Oh shit.” you whimpered thighs tightening around his waist. “Touch me.”

His lips began a trail from your neck down your cleavage, beard scratching up the flesh until your back was arching in lust.

“Take this off.” He demanded with a tug to your cardigan.

No problem there.

“You next.” You whined and reached for the bottom of his sweater instead.

Your camisole joined the rest of the pile on the floor and suddenly his tongue was finding the patch of skin right between your breasts. Wet didn’t begin to describe what you were experiencing in that moment.

“You’re fucking gorgeous you know that?” He huffed.

Your fingers gripped at his knee for leverage and you leaned back just enough to give your hips room to breathe. And move.

“Fuck.”

You giggled at Chris, your hips sliding against his in the most amazing rhythm.

“I like it when you lose that little nice-guy thing you got going on. What else do you got hidden from me, Chris?”

His hands moved to the thick of your thighs and squeezed hard until you lost your own grip of self-control.

“I think you like to take the reins. I think every part of your life is carefully constructed to your liking. But I’m starting to wonder what it might look like if you lost a little control, y/n. Do you think I could make you do that?”

Your eyes, though hooded with the overwhelming emotions he was making you feel, found a way to burst open at his words. Because in just one single night he saw you. Saw you in a way that you had not willingly given out. There was an armor that you put on to walk out into the world, something intentionally crafted to keep you safe. How had he disabled it in just one night? As sexy as it was, it was also scary. Were you ready to let him take control?

“Look if you wanna make me lose control? You better have something damn good to show for it, sir.” You grinned.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay.”

And just like that you were being lifted into the air like a spaceship taking launch. A man had never lifted you with such ease since you were a child. A grown ass woman of your size wasn’t just thrown around like a rag-doll. Dainty had certainly never been used to describe you. And yet, Chris had managed to stand with your legs and arms wrapped around his like a kola to a tree. His hands on your lower body only throw you further out of whack.  This shit was insane. And your pussy was transcending physics with how wet he’d manage to make you.

“Can I take you to bed?” He panted, breath harsh against your lips.

You groaned. “God, yes, boy scout. Please take me to bed.”

Your bed seems perfectly crafted for two, or maybe that’s just the feel of him sucking at the skin of your pulse point. His tongue is suddenly everywhere. On your neck. Below your sternum. At the jut of your hip. He strips you of your jeans and falls victim to the slim space between your thighs. His palms now work on mapping them expansively but not without exploring the thin piece of fabric that separates him from the wetness of your inner folds. All it takes is the tip of his nose to rub against the pubic mound, right above your clit, and you just kind of lose it.

“Holy shit! Please. Just please.” You whined, hips bucking closer to his mouth.

A grin descended upon his face that held all of the cockiness of a man who was sure of himself. It was the first time he’d ever looked like that to you. And lord was it hot.

“Sweetheart listen to me.” He said smoothly. “I’m gonna make you cum now. But you gotta be good for me. Can you do that?”

Your lips parted in shock. What does one say to such a thing?

“Okay.”

He’s not interested in torturing you, at least not this time. As soon as you promise to be good, his tongue snakes out of his mouth and he’s on you. Firm flicks of his tongue and hard sucks of his lips quickly leaves your underwear sodden. It appears he has no interest in taking them off, and you might just care if it weren’t for the way he was rocking your body. Most men couldn’t find a clit if there was a neon sign pointing to it. Chris finds it like it's his damn address. He sucks and licks and drools until your thighs pulse, until your back arches, until your body feels poised like spring begging to break.

Your fingers dig into the meat of his shoulders trying desperately to pull him closer. You’re not gonna make it.

“I--I gotta...I gotta cum.” You huffed.

He nods while he’s eating you out and takes your statement as a direction to slip his fingers between the soaked material of your underwear. You’re so wet that there’s barely any hit of tension as his finger slides deep inside of you. You can hear it now right beside the desperate pants of your mouth, the crude slip of his fingers digging into you, searching and pumping. He curls it just right, touches that place, until you can’t breathe,  until your bursting for him like an overripe fruit.

Your body throbs and pulses as the orgasm rocks its way through you and he never moves, just licks away your release with the same intensity. When you collapse, he lays his head against your thigh and grins up at you with wet lips and a wet beard and eyes completely void of anything but tenderness.

“Oh fuck off.” You whined pushing your hand tiredly against his face.

He chuckled but absolutely did not fuck off. Instead he took to placing kisses along the skin of your inner thighs as if he was rewinding the coil inside of you so that he could make you come loose all over again.

“You done?” He hummed nosing at your pubic bone. “We can be done, just let me know.”

“Really?”

“Of course, really.”

You bit your lip and watched him for a few minutes. His fingers were drawing patterns on your leg, his lips feeling like they shot sparks all across your skin. You wanted him bad. Whoever said consent wasn’t sexy hadn’t had Chris Evans in their bed obviously.

“Come up here.”

His eyes finally left the dream of your thighs and locked with yours. He trailed slowly up your body, thighs and arms bracketing either side of you. Your back arched involuntarily until your chests touched. He kissed you long enough for the taste of yourself to get lost in your own mouth. His facial hair still scratched hotly at your flesh.There wasn’t anything you wanted more than for him to destroy you in that moment. So that’s exactly what you said.

“Chris?” You mumbled against his lips.

He immediately backed away. “Yea?”

You reached over to the drawer of your bedside table and grabbed aimlessly for protection. The condom wrapper fell into his hand and your legs came naturally around his waist.

“I’d like for you to wreck me...please.”

It didn’t sound like a question. It was much more a demand than a plea. But your boy scout aimed to please. And please he did.

“I can do that.”

Suddenly when Nicki Minaj said You’ll never catch me in a light-skin nigga’s bed, it took on a whole new meaning. Surely she meant light skin like Drake, and sis definitely had a point. But... surely Nicki couldn’t hate you for the choices you made that night, and all the ones you’d go on to make for this man in particular. After-all, it was technically your bed.

buy me a ko-fi? 

[cyclogenesis]

For the writing ask (you don’t have to answer all of them since I probably picked too many, sorry!): 1, 2, 7, 8, 10, 19, 20, 26, 30, 31, 32, 36, 38, 39, 40. (Thanks 💜)

I did it, I answered all of them!! (Yes, it took me a couple of days aha.) Thanks for asking anon! 😘

1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?

Generally speaking I would rather die than rewrite anything ever, and most of the stuff I’ve written I can look back on and be like “nice”. I did recently reread a few bandom fics I wrote and felt mildly horrified by the fact that some of the writing was so spare that the dialogue sections were like reading a screenplay, so I’d have to say those would come the closest. Like I wouldn’t actually ever rewrite them, but were I to write them today they would read very, very differently.

2. Anything that you’d like to write but feel like you’re unable to?

Honestly I read soooo much Hydra Trash Party stuff and would love to vibe with Bucky’s sexual trauma in fic more but I feel like I’d really struggle to write that kind of background given my usual writing style. That’s the kind of super iddy thing I usually do in chatfic, but unfortunately I don’t have anyone to do that with in this fandom, so I’ll just keep whining internally about the lack of HTP Sam/Bucky while doing absolutely nothing to address that glaring lack.

Rest of the answers behind the cut!

7. Your favourite ao3 tag.

I cruise the Bottom Bucky Barnes tag like a 50s kid dragging Main.

8. How slow is a slow burn?

HERE’S THE THING. So if I ship something super hard, like hard enough to write or read fic about it, then I have already interpreted the canon itself as a slow burn because presumably they haven’t kissed yet, and I’m writing or reading fic because I’m ready for the kissing to be happening. I also don’t tend to read a whole lot of long fic. So basically I’m gonna need kissing by at least the 15k mark unless it’s like, masterfully written.

10. Top three favourite fic tropes.

You know, I’m honestly not usually drawn to stuff that’s very traditionally tropey! I don’t write it too often either, usually with fic I’m just a simple gal who wants to look at canon and then figure out a way to get them to acknowledge they want to kiss each other. I do love fake relationships though!

19. Share a snippet from a wip without giving any context for it.

“There’s more than one Loki,” Sam is disturbed to tell him. “A bunch more. One of them is a good guy now.” Actually, Strange had described him as ‘moderately helpful and uncomfortably sincere’. “Another one, uh, broke time, and now there are multiple timelines that have created different universes.”

“Got it,” Bucky says, in the tone of someone who in no way has it.

20. Do you work on a single project or many at the same time? How does that work for you?

I usually have a couple of things going at once that I bounce between until I decide that I’m Going To Finish Something, Dammit and force myself to focus on just one. It’s generally fine because I’d rather have too many ideas than none at all, though I’ll sometimes inadvertently cannibalize myself and have to edit out things I’ve used in two different WIPs.

26. What would you describe as OOC?

I’m honestly pretty forgiving about that, having been trained to suspend my disbelief by liking really dark fic hahaha. One weird thing that tends to throw me in not-dark fic is a lack of humor in the dialogue. I tend to like fandoms with pretty funny characters or people, so I like to see their sense of humor reflected in fic. Sam and Bucky in particular are really funny characters in their own ways - gimme the banter, please!!

30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn’t.

In so many fandoms I’ve had visions of an OTP epic spanning years and years, and in zero of those fandoms have I ever completed one of those stories.

31. What was the most difficult fic for you to write (but in the end you made it)?

There is a point where every fic feels like the most difficult thing I’ve ever written. Something particularly cute that I do, which I love, is writing very intensely up to the sex scene, and then getting shy about it and wandering away and not working on it again for a little while, despite the fact that usually the whole point of the fic is that I want to get to the sex scene!!!

32. Do you have a word/expression that you always use in your writing?

I’m sure I have plenty of things like that!! I try to edit repetitive things like that out because when I’m reading a lot of a writer’s stuff little phrasing quirks always stand out to my copyeditor brain. That said, I know when I’m doing it and still tend to huffily be like “well that’s the best way to phrase that action!!” so, whatever.

36. How do you come up with fic titles? What’s the one you’re most proud of?

I either have a title from the jump or I’m combing my music library for a lyric snippet I can use like ten minutes before I post the fic. I’m pretty fond of This Is A Song About Fucking in that I committed SO deeply to jacking myself off there; it’s a phrase that Brendon Urie used to say to introduce Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off during the Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour (I had to look that tour name up. Thank GOD I had to look that tour name up) and I used it for a 5SOS group sex fic posted a cool eight years after that tour (which I went to multiple dates of, oh god) ended.

38. “This never happened” fix-it fics or “this happened but” fix-it fics?

Definitely the latter, when a canon makes a lousy choice I’m usually like well here we are, let’s talk about where we go from here. But I don’t really look for anything with the fix-it tag in general, once the canon breaks something I loved I’m usually so moody that I just abandon ship and stop reading fic haha.

39. Wildest AU scenario you have written?

I verrrry rarely write AUs for posting, but have chatficced some truly bonkers nonsense in my time. My old writing partner in bandom and I used to get weird with Brendon/Ryan - the satyr/fairy and fisherman/selkie days were really something.

40. Write a 9-word fic.

I’m too invested in the thing I’ve written 5k words of these week to think of anything new, so here’s a snippet from that instead.

“Come here,” he chokes out, and the helpless hope on Bucky’s face in response nearly undoes him completely. He sits up to meet Bucky halfway, grabs at his shirt the moment he’s within reach and drags him close, Bucky climbing onto the bed all long limbs and graceless need. The kiss is a surprise only in how rough it is, a hard press of lips like Bucky’s greedy to touch Sam any way he can, like this is just another way for them to collide.

[bettsfic]

Hey! I was just wondering if you would soapbox a little about your creative process. I absolutely adore your writing advice but was wondering a bit more about how your ideas form and how you choose which to pursue and do finished products look like you want them to? What's a bad habit you're trying to break? No obligation to answer, especially cause an anon is like tell me your secrets! But thank you for all you've written, you are so helpful and kind

thanks for the great question anon! i wrote a bit about my drafting process here but that doesn’t encompass the idea building side of things (also i’ve made some changes to the process so i was thinking about writing a more cohesive, updated version at some point).

i tend to think of project ideas as piles of aesthetic, and usually i only begin writing once the pile has toppled over and i can’t not write it. that’ll make more sense in a moment. 

i’ll walk through 2 examples of my idea generating process, from how they started to where they are now. 

1. Vandal

Vandal is a novel i’m working on that i really have a lot of hope for. i’m about 60k words in right now and 75% finished. it’s about a teenage girl (sierra) who casts a spell on her hot, helpful neighbor (frank) to bind them together. the spell ends up working but backfiring when he becomes her foster father. then, in his custody, sierra gets jealous and casts a spell on his girlfriend (jenny) to break them up, but that backfires too: sierra gets taken out of frank’s custody and placed with a manipulative and abusive foster brother (leo). frank more or less kidnaps sierra and they have to Run From The Law. throughout the novel, sierra is inwardly battling Vandal, an immortal archangel that has possessed her and is trying to get her to kill herself so he can break free of the prison of her body.  

the idea for that story has a looooong breadcrumb trail and a huge aesthetic pile. since i couldn’t manage to get Baby traditionally published, i had a lot of that dynamic i could adopt into something else. i wrote at length about where that idea came from but i can no longer find that post (UPDATE: here it is). it’s somewhere in my training wheels tag. in short, i spent an entire summer watching/reading age gap stories and the male perspective in them bothered me a lot, so i wanted to write a story from the younger party’s perspective, and do the reality of those situations justice. i wrote that story, though, so i didn’t want to rewrite it. 

then, in december 2019, for reasons i don’t remember, i started reading snape/hermione fics. i really liked the dynamic, but it was a little too angsty for me, and none of the fics gave me the catharsis i was looking for, which was basically Grouchy Soft Boy Takes Care Of PTSD Weary Girl. being unable to find anything that fit the exact no-conflict, angstless dynamic i was looking for, i decided to write it myself using an A/B/O reylo idea i’d been kicking around for about 8 months but i could never land on, because i didn’t know if i wanted ben or ren. that fic turned out to be Reclaimed.  

to answer one of your questions, Reclaimed didn’t turn out the way i wanted it to at all, and i’m still kind of shocked by the traffic it has. i felt bad about writing it, because i was setting down so many other things to work on it, and it was a struggle from start to finish. at the time (and this is a major theme of my process), i thought it was a waste of energy.

but it opened a very important thematic concept to me, which is the idea of voicelessness and trauma, and recovery through finding one’s voice.

fast-forward to february, i’m headcanoning with @star-sky-earth just days before i have to head to nebraska for a writing residency. she and i are talking about a certain male celebrity who shall not be named, flirting with his younger female costar who shall not be named, and i said something along the lines of, “wouldn’t it suck to get a crush on a dude like him, only to find out he likes you back, and then you realize he’s actually kind of shallow and boring?”

i remember distinctly saying, out loud, “god fucking dammit,” because, right then, an aesthetic pile had toppled over, and an entire novel unfolded itself in my brain. i pound out an outline. it’s garbage. i play around with a vocal gauge. it’s not quite right. then, two days later, i write an opening scene that i don’t think is great but i send it to some people and they’re like, oh this is fire. 

the aesthetic pile looks like this:

lolita, where dolores is the one in control

delusions of grandeur born from a major traumatic event

obsessions with fairy tales and the escapism they provide

the consequences of extreme neglect

forced voicelessness as both a theme and a major structural constraint

a lot of wolf imagery

non-chronological timelines

i proceed to spend the next two days driving across the country brain-writing. by the time i reach nebraska, i hit the ground running, and write for basically 30-40 hours a week for 5 weeks. then, because pandemic, i decide to stay 2 more weeks, but i hit a snag. i write about 14k of really boring drivel and realize my outline has failed me. i toss the 14k and re-outline and try again. then, my attention is rattled by a crush on a composer who has no interest in me. 

i go home and fall into my annual summer depression and i lose focus. so, that’s where i’m at. i really miss vandal but it’s gotten super dark and i’m finding it difficult to manage darkness with everything going on. which brings me to my next aesthetic pile that has recently toppled over.

2. Eden

that’s not the title but it’s the project name. i’ve begun writing a YA sci fi comedy with an ensemble cast. this aesthetic pile took years to build before it toppled. it started with Elixir of Erised, hands down the best fic i’ve ever written by a huge margin. i reread it this past winter and was kind of amazed i’d written it. 

i really liked the idea of a potion showing you your deepest desires, but until recently have not had the patience to build an entire world around it. so, for the past 3.5 years, i’ve kept a document of “if i WERE to a YA SFF book with the themes of EOE, what would i want to include?” over those 3.5 years, here’s what the list became:

dark academia vibes

heist plot

soulmates

that list is not really conducive to an entire universe, and i never had the motivation to sit down and think through it. 

then i watched breaking bad, and a lot of things started clicking. at the same time, i was talking to my buddy kyle about my fallen knight archetype schematic, and i began fleshing out all the archetypes that went with it. i came up with 12. i built a database. i thought, wouldn’t it be cool to write something with ALL 12 ARCHETYPES?? haha but who would be dumb enough to do that?

me. i would. 

with breaking bad as the missing plot piece (which introduces the idea of conflict around the MANUFACTURE and DISTRIBUTION of addictive substances, with an ensemble cast of morally grey characters, which leads to a war), i had enough to get started. 

i wrote an outline. i wrote another outline. i wrote a third outline. i stopped to write some histories of this place i’d built. i wrote a fourth outline. gdocs became a mess so i downloaded scrivener and taught myself how to use it. i wrote a gauge of the first chapter and landed the voice on the first try. then i did a rough sketch of how a trilogy would go. then i outlined each book in the trilogy to make sure my character trajectories were on point. then i did a lot more worldbuilding. now i’m working on my fifth outline, which breaks the entire novel down scene by scene. 

and for Reasons, i’m tasking myself with writing the first draft in 6 days across two weekends. it’s a high-stakes adventure story with a very tight timeline, so i think it’s conducive to being written quickly.

which brings me to another question you asked, which is, what bad habits do i want to break? i always, always slow down at the halfway mark. sometimes i even give up. i have no idea why. no matter how much preparation i do, no matter how solid my endgame is, at the halfway mark i either slow to a crawl or set the whole project down and pick up something new. i do this with reading books, too. i can only ever read the first half of books. then i either skip to the end or put them down forever. it’s definitely something i have to figure out because at this rate i’ll never finish anything.

okay this took way longer than i thought it would to write but i hope it answers your question. tl;dr i follow aesthetic and thematic interests until they lead me to a point where i can’t not write the stories that develop from them. 

[dianadragonfly]

Okay, hang on bitches, cause Imma bout ta rewatch “The Final Problem.” I’ve seen it once since 2017. And because there is no commentary on the disc I have, I will be providing the commentary.

[[MORE]] Since I started my “rewatch and comment” spree, I’ve been pleasantly surprised. Things that had previously stood out in my mind as being particularly not-good are really not that bad. Most were actually really short moments that stood out in retrospect because they seemed incongruous with how well-written and acted everything else was.

Up till season 2, the writers could do no wrong whatsoever. The exact moment I experienced a “well that was overdone” moment of questioning the writers was when Sherlock broadcast a picture of Mary on the outside of the facade in “His Last Vow.” From there, I had moments of doubt and questioning plot and directing choices that took away from the narrative. But, except for the moment John sees Mary die, I never ever questioned the acting choices. The actors are so amazing. And I’m not just saying that because Ben and Martin are hot.

As I prepare to watch the episode, there are several scenes that I dread. Opening with the girl on the airplane reminds me of how much I hated this trick. If the girl is Eurus messing with them, then why do we see it acted out? If we cannot trust that what we see is a reality, then all of the “Mind Palace” theories of TFP (i.e. that it actually took place in a dream or in the head of a character) have some authenticity to them. Ugh.

Damn. I’d forgotten the “Hello. My name is Jim Moriarty” part of the intro. No need for that if the girl is just something in Eurus’s imagination.

Oh shit. I hate hate hate hate everything about this scene of Mycroft.

First of all, there is security in Mycroft’s house.

Second of all, he would have skewered any of those actors with the umbrella sword or shot one of them with the gun.

Why are the paintings crying blood? John and Sherlock couldn’t accomplish that... once we add scary clown it’s just too much. Even for Sherlock.

Oh stop with the heavy-handed East Wind references. Dammit, I loved this show for its subtly. Killer clowns are not subtle, even in pranks.

Now with Mycroft here, in the client position, refusing to sit, with the Baker Street Boys in their chairs - this is what I came for. The light, the look on their faces, the composition of the shot.

Oohh Hudson throwing some shade. John’s half smile...

Is the skull portrait glowing? I can’t tell.

“That’s why he stays!” Fuck yeah. John’s half smile again...

“Middle child. Explains a lot.” As a middle child, I resent that remark. And sort of get it.

So the flashing back and forth in time, with the ashes of Musgrave Hall in the apartment, 5 year old Eurus answering grown-up Mycroft’s questions, the pebble: all of that would be okay, if not a tiny bit less than subtle, had we not just fought a goddamn clown in the scene before.

Oh goddamn. The stupid fucking patience gernade and that song.

Of course Mrs. Hudson vacuums to Iron Maiden.

It’s Sherlock’s turn to half-smile. Cute.

Beautifully shot here with the above view and all three of them at different points on a circle around it.

Ugh. I have to turn away at the “action shot” of them jumping out the window. This is not “Die Hard.” It’s not a cop buddy movie. We just got a really well played, fun little scene where they talked a about Oscar Wilde to avoid talking about the fact that they might die. That’s what I watch Sherlock for.

There was a fan fic written around 2012 that mentions “The Importance of Being Ernest.” Coincidence? Creators reading fanfic? I know Wilde and ACD were contemporaries, but it’s interesting. I can’t think of any other literary works that are alluded to in canon. It’s funny it should be this one.

And now we’ve commandeered a boat. Seriously.

All of the other episodes, I had more patience with on this go-around where I get a chance to type out reactions and reflect on how they are put together. But I’m finding that isn’t the case with this one. I’m just pissed. Give me one or two unbelievable moments or plot twists in an episode and I can sustain it. But between the airplane, killer clowns at Mycroft’s, the patience gernade, and this, I’m already done and we’re 20 minutes in. Sherlock looks like a goddamn vampire bat. And seriously, why does Mycroft need to steal a boat? And write a message in the sand? What the hell? Why dress up?

Sherlock’s security guard act cracks me up.

Oh his face when he sees Eurus. His. Face. Curiosity. Heartbreak. Empathy. Pain. Doubt. Fear. THIS is my show. Not patience gernades, killer clowns, dressing up like a sea captain etc in one damn episode.

She “enslaves” people... magical Eurus who makes people kill their family. Really?!

Oh no. He ignores “Vatican cameos.” I forgot that. He chooses to ignore John’s warning.

His face.... Jesus Benedict can act.

Big bouncy red alert! Okay, what was with the spinning John face when he gets knocked out?

This constant shift between wondering what the hell is happening, wondering if the show has become a parody of itself, and then bouncing back to this heart wrenching narrative — is that the point of this episode? Like “The Empty Hearse” or “The Abominable Bride”? But those episodes explained themselves after they pulled the rug out. As soon as something got to the point of absurdity, it was explained. Sherlock didn’t swing in a window at Bart’s and kiss Molly but we briefly were led to believe he did. Moriarty and Sherlock aren’t really kissing on the roof. (By then we knew what was up though). Sherlock didn’t really attempt to dig up a dead Amelia Rocoletti. We understand it’s a drug-induced dream.

This rapid jumping back and forth with half-assed explainations — I’m coming to believe this off-balance feeling is the point of the episode but I don’t like it. I like it even less than I did before.

Oh Andrew Scott. I love you.

The bastards wait till 5 minutes into the Moriarty scene to tell us it’s 5 years ago. That constant pulling out the rug — I will at least excuse that because there is a plausible explaination given. But it’s a cheap trick. This episode is one cheap trick after another, with only a few moments, here and there, of characters actually interacting.

So it’s late and I don’t know if I have the heart to make it through this whole episode tonight. To be continued....

Edited:

Starting at scene 5 on the DVD because that's when Sherlock sees Eurus for the sort of first time. I kind of just want to bask in Ben's performance here again.

After the last episode, clean-shaven Sherlock in a suit is a relief. He's back... at least a little.

His small smile when he asks her how she got out. . .

I'm realizing how much of this scene had to be Benedict looking directly into the camera and talking to Eurus. That had to be intimidating.

***I've skipped ahead to closer than where I was last night because the small people in my house will want food soon. Parentig gets in the way of fangirling. ****

I still love the Hungry Donkey story.

OH MY GOD! I forgot how much I love Andrew Scott here!!!

Are they making out through the glass?

And now the four of them wake up in a cell but this one has glass. Ugh. The plane again. I love how Sherlock changes his voice here to talk to the girl. He isn't incapable of reading people and reacting to them. He just usually can't be bothered. There’s a fan theory that says Sherlock is autistic. I was going to comment that this skill of his is evidence that he’s not but I stopped myself. He -knows- HOW one needs to act to get people to respond to him, but it’s a learned skill. Which actually might add evidence to the “autism” theory more than the sociopath theory.

Mark Gatiss - I forget what an incredible actor he can be. Whoa.

These scenes - these scenes where they have to apply themselves to a task that Eurus sets for them -- they are so fucking good. Tense and well-acted. I can see every emotion on every actor's face. The rest of the episode should have been better to make it worthy of these performances. It physically hurt watching John try to shoot the governor.

Someone said that Jim Moriarty went from a criminal mastermid to manical Thomas the Train Engine on this episode and I can't unthink that any time he flashes on the screen.

I had a moment, when Eurus was using such clinical language of behavioralism ("prompts") etc that I flashed back onto my life as an ABA instructor. Seriously. I know they are a million miles away but no one watching this would ever think, even for a second, that Eurus was morally right. Why, then, do we do a smiliar thing to autistic children? I had a moment of revulsion then. (Restirct physical liberty and autonomy, make them complete a command that's nonsensical for either reward or aversive. Give prompts. Follow through (deny reward) if one deviates from the prompt). She might as well been saying "Touch table, Sherlock." ("Touch table" is one of the first directives often given in ABA. It's easy to manually prompt (force) a kid to do and helps the kid realize the link between following the requests and obtaining rewards.)

Sorry. ABA rant is slightly off topic.

To be continued in comments ..

[starker-stories]

My Virgin (Revisited), Chapter 2

This chapter on AO3

By @thestarkerisobvious​ and @starker-stories​​

All links are to AO3. As everyone knows by now, starker-stories blew up his starkerstories blog, losing everything that was below a readmore on tumblr-full-text posts. So the safest place for fic is AO3. You don’t need to be a creator to have an AO3 account. You can have one solely as a reader. But to read anything at all in this series, you can just be an anonymous reader and/or commenter.

The entire Messages Series.  All links are to AO3.

Messages Unsent  (complete & posted)

Nothing More Than A Machine  (complete & posted)

Tomorrow  (complete & posted)

My Virgin (Revisited)  (complete & posted)

The Cold  (completely written) posts every Thursday  

Untitled Book 6  ( in progress )

Untitled Book 7  ( in progress )

Tags: Sexual Roleplay, Virginity Kink, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Kissing, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, A teeny weeny bit of plot for the next book hinted at, Happy Ending, Happy Sex

Chapter 2: You’ve been kissed

But Peter had been thinking all day, hadn’t he? Been thinking about the things they had talked about, and the things Peter still had yet to say. Some of those things Tony might not like, Peter was still worried about that. But some of those things...

“Tony?” Peter asked breathlessly, pulling his face away enough to speak.

“I love you.” Wait, that wasn’t it. He tried again (but dammit Tony’s hands were making it really hard to think.)

“Iwannatellyousomething” Peter blurted out before Tony’s mouth distracted him again. That worked, but unfortunately it left Tony looking up at him and Peter with nothing to say.

His brain flitted back to the things that had been on his mind that day — The Cold, and how Tony might react when he explained it, and something else.

He decided to go with the Something Else.

(Even though it was really embarrassing.)

So he ducked his head into Tony’s neck (his favorite hiding place) and whispered it.

“I have a confession to make.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wished he hadn’t said them. Why talk about it now, when they had discussed it thoroughly (and tenderly!) the night before?

But dammit, it made him hot to talk about it. And, ah hell maybe… maybe Peter had initiated the kissing on the couch just in case he did work up the nerve to ask…

“I only ever lied to you once, Tony. Ever. That first night. You asked and I… I told you I had done ‘it’ before. And I hadn’t. Not with… people I mean. Toys don’t count. So that means I lied. That was my first time.”

“I know baby. I told you, I could read you like an open book.” Tony casually reached around Peter’s waist, sliding his hand up under the hem of his t-shirt, caressing him with a firm touch, with the warmth of his palm.

“But I’m still mad at myself for not telling you. Because…

“Okay, maybe this is wrong but…”

He blushed furiously and ducked his head. But hiding his face wouldn’t make him understood, so he tried whispering it into Tony’s ear.

“Maybe I… always wondered… what would you have done if I had told you?”

“Wanna find out?” Tony said, playfully leering.

“Oh god.” Peter whimpered, closing his eyes and hiding as best he could in Tony’s shoulder even as he grinned from ear to ear. His heart skipped a beat and his stomach tightened… and his cock immediately stood at attention. “Um… yes.”

“In that case… This has to be in my bed.” He smiled, hoping Peter would catch the inflection. Because while it was their bed now, that night it had been his. “I loved carrying you there. Should do it more often. Do what you did that first night. Arms around my neck, legs around my waist.”

When they arrived, Tony didn’t just dump Peter onto his bed, he let him down slowly, kissing him the entire way until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Tony climbed in and wrapped his arms around Peter, gently guiding him to the center of the enormous bed.

“Baby, I will never get over the way you look right here. We can be together ten years and I’ll never get tired of this sight. But this isn’t about ten years from now. This is about my beautiful virgin who I want to tenderly take apart until he’s screaming from how good it feels.”

Peter giggled and blushed and covered his face with his hands. Oh well — it wasn’t egotism if you really were that good.

“I’ve waited so long to kiss you, Peter.” Not untrue then, not untrue now.

Tony brought their lips together so slowly. His fingers stroked the side of Peter’s face, slid into his hair, with just enough firmness to let him know that he was in the hands of someone who knew what he was doing. In the hands of someone who appreciated what he was being given.

Lips together but not kissing, Tony moved the words across them. “I love you.”

He kissed them into Peter’s mouth, probing softly with his tongue at the line between them. Teasingly light, exploring the boy’s senses, listening to his responses. Learning Peter’s body. For the first time. All over again. It had been so long since they’d made love in this bed, made love like this, it was almost like it was their first time.

He found the touches with his tongue that made Peter shiver. Too much. He found the ones that made him gasp. The ones that made him moan. The ones that made him pant into Tony’s mouth. That made Peter want more. He waited, deepening the kiss bit by bit, always leaving Peter wanting more.

Tony broke the kiss and stretched out over Peter’s body, holding most of his weight on his elbows and knees, just letting the heat from their skin touch. His hands on either side of Peter’s head when he kissed Peter again, his hands tangled in Peter’s curls, fingers twisting them, playing with them, while he kept his kiss teasing again, not deeper like they had been doing before. He waited again to sense Peter’s need.

Tony used to be so crude in bed. It was all take. Didn’t matter how inexperienced his partner. He didn’t hurt, but neither did he care. It took time for him to learn. To appreciate. To observe the little reactions that a body made. Until making someone have those reactions became almost as good as the finish itself. Maybe moreso. Definitely moreso when it was Peter having them. Tony devoured every sound, every breath, every tiny movement he made — realized and unrealized. Peter’s responses were dialed up to eleven. Then add at least double that because Tony was so hyper-focused on them.

When Peter was ready and not before… when it wasn’t just want but need, Tony slipped one hand behind the boy’s neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He lowered a little of his weight onto Peter’s body. Grounding him all along its length. Their kiss never truly broke. Only enough to take half a breath and then resume, it fell into a circular rhythm of a single, endless kiss. Until Tony felt the boy shiver and he noticed a change in the texture of his gasping breath.

Tony loosened his hand from Peter’s neck and broke their kiss entirely, separating, leaning back to look into the boy’s eyes. His cheeks were flushed, the delicate skin of his face a little irritated from the scrape of his beard, his lips strawberry red from his kiss. And Peter’s breaths were still too fast.

“Baby,” Tony whispered. “Right here baby. Shh. Look at me, Pete. I’m here.” He smiled softly as he felt Peter’s chest moving more steadily. “Beautiful.” Careful not to be too gentle and set off Peter’s senses so soon after he’d just brought them under control.

Peter whimpered, but he obeyed. Looking into Tony’s eyes, he sighed. This was better than he could have imagined. For so many months now Peter had missed the afterplay, that peaceful laying-beside-each-other and talking-all-night time that meant so much to him in the beginning.

Only now did he remember — foreplay was a wonderful thing, too.

Then Tony started talking and his whole body glowed.

“It’s all right, baby. I have you. You’re safe. You can let go and know that I’m going to catch you. Always, Pete. I won’t let you fall. Beautiful, you can let yourself feel all of it. I’ll hold you through it all. Through everything. You’re mine, Peter. That means I’m yours. Every night, but especially this night.”

Peter’s eyes fluttered shut. He moaned even as he smiled. This is what he had been asking for, what he had been daydreaming about. Tony always talked during sex, but this? This crooning, this gentling, this was a thing of beauty.

Tony ran his thumb across the boy’s smiling lips. “Has no one ever properly kissed you, Peter? No one but me?” He knew that Peter hadn’t had sex with anyone before him. But this? He hadn’t asked because Peter was so insistent on keeping up his ruse. “Are all your kisses mine, baby?”

Oh well, it had been lovely while it lasted.

Peter kept his eyes closed, so he didn’t roll them. But he couldn’t keep the perturbed look off his face.

He lifted his head and looked above them — okay that WAS the full-head-eye-roll but he tried to disguise it.

“Tony,” he said, looking at the vast expanse of the Alaska King they were laying on. “I don’t think this bed is big enough for you, me, and your ego.

“Of course I’ve been kissed before… hello? And for the record I am not a virgin, I just haven’t done… that… one thing before. With people. Toys don’t count. And if I’ve never been kissed like that before it was because I didn’t want to…”

He stopped short.

Of course he had never been kissed like that before! He had kissed boys before, but it had always been one quick step on the way to something entirely different. There wasn’t a single person on Earth, or on other planets, that he wanted to kiss for that long. So, really, Tony was right.

That bastard.

“You’ve been kissed…” Tony put a chaste kiss on Peter’s lips. “Like you kissed your girlfriend at a dance. You’ve been kissed…” He opened his mouth and did a poor example of the typical teenage moray eel kiss. “Like you kissed your first boy, too excited to even think about doing it right. You’ve been kissed…” He shoved his tongue into Peter’s mouth like boys do because they think that kissing is basically tongue fucking. “Like you kissed your first college boy at a party. You’ve been kissed…” That time he did a proper French kiss, not clumsy, but without finesse. “Like you were kissed by your first date who was a couple of years older than you.”

Tony cupped the back of Peter’s neck again, his fingers tangling into the soft curls at the nape. He brought their lips slowly together, repeating the way he kissed Peter earlier. Making Peter want. Letting Peter know how much he wanted as well. Holding it, repeating it, letting it build from kiss to passion to desperation. “Now, baby, you’ve been kissed.”

Peter turned his head to one side and tried to recover. Both his ability to speak, and his pride. Damn Tony, they were supposed to be recreating their first time together, the first night he had lost that particular v-card. Not to admit he had never been kissed like that before.

He pushed Tony away by a few inches to increase the space between them, breathing in what air he could find there.

It didn’t work. He just sighed in frustration (it came out more as a growl) and covered his face with his hands. He didn’t want Tony (who had done exactly as Peter had asked) to see his forehead crease, but it was creasing now. Dammit, he had asked for this! Had fantasized about it for ages! How could he not realize that now, in the moment, his ego would be getting in the way?

While Peter's face was covered, Tony smirked at the sound the kid made at having been proven wrong. Tony did have all of Peter's kisses.

Peter had moved them apart just enough for Tony to slide his hands along the hem of Peter’s shirt. His hands worked underneath the soft fabric. Palms flat, warm and firm, he moved them up, one along Peter’s back, the other caressing his stomach. As they rose, his forearms lifted the boy’s shirt. Tony pushed higher in the back, dragging Peter’s t-shirt up over his head, then down his arms and off.

Peter moved his hands away from his face to let Tony have his way (besides Tony was doing that thing to his stomach which certainly took his mind off anything else. It always made him melt when Tony touched him there — WAIT did he do that on purpose? That bastard.)

“Peter, you are beyond beautiful,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss from the crook of the boy’s neck, down his shoulder, onto his chest until he came to the center of it. “Look at you. You take my breath away.” Tony lifted Peter’s arms until they settled lightly around his neck. His hand trailed from his lips on the boy’s chest, down to the button of his jeans. “I need to see all of you. Every bit of you is perfect. And you’re giving all of you to me, aren’t you baby.”

Too breathless to speak, Peter only nodded in assent. His injured pride wasn’t hard to ignore if Tony kept talking like that.

[auncyen]

writing scraps from this year

- "Everybody's Fool" [...I'm pretty sure this had no context besides being an Evanescence song that I like and that sounds like it could fit Joker, especially in a Palace fic.]

- Ryuji worries--he messed up and killed Okumura's shadow, too aggressive, everyone is appalled at the thought, tells him no -Ren brought Futaba in on the significance of Akechi knowing about the Metaverse, upsetting Morgana [both these bullet points were for things in Shuffle Time, but I'm pretty sure I'd probably use them for independent fic if I used them now. Okumura goes down REALLY easily once you get to him himself, and I just had this stray thought that, especially since head injuries can be unpredictable in the real world--like, Ryuji in the boss fight, worked up for Haru's sake because shitty abusive dads, just winds up and absolutely slams Okumura's Shadow, surprised but satisfied that he instantly goes down--and the Shadow seems fine, if weak, in the conversation afterward, so all's well that ends well, and even after the mental shutdown Ryuji doesn't immediately think of it--but then one night he just happens to think of the way his bat connected and Okumura's head banging against the helmet when he hit the floor and concussions and sometimes they're fatal and oh god he ruined another team, it's his fault Okumura had a shutdown, he killed someone-- thankfully he goes to Ren about this before he goes to Haru or the police, but he's nearly having a panic attack and Ren is just like no. NO. This was not you, something else was going on, calm down. just hold on and we'll figure it out. I imagine this is while Ren is suspecting Akechi but right before he's sure enough to tell the team so like. HE'S EXTRA PISSED OFF BECAUSE NOT ONLY IS ONE FRIEND'S PARENT DEAD, ANOTHER FRIEND IS BLAMING THEMSELVES FOR IT the point of Ren telling Futaba about Akechi early on was just to add another little wrinkle to Morgana getting upset enough to leave the team, I think. He'd felt "special" as Ren's confidant at least, and he'd liked knowing that only he and Ren knew about Akechi even if he knew they'd tell everyone else as soon as he showed anything concerning. But Ren thought it might be prudent to know about Akechi's background, so he asked Futaba to look into it as well as why Akechi was a person of interest, and Morgana understood that it made sense to tell Futaba, it just...became another way that he was no longer needed/important.]

Ryuji & tutoring? Ren paying Kawakami to help him figure out study method for Ryuji--doesn't want her going directly to Ryuji because it might embarass him/make him stubborn - or Makoto tutored Ryuji when he was a first year--both found it frustrating, but he got acceptable grades before the Kamoshida incident happened--she wants to do better this time. (Sojiro helps them figure out what's getting in Ryuji's way, gives a mini-lecture to both of them? Tells Makoto that if she's going to be in charge of people she needs to help them achieve their best rather than forcing them to follow a method that doesn't work for them)

-Ren has a guess that there are PT-like people in hometown of Inaba, but for the completely wrong reason-- Adachi's sudden confession seems like a change of heart, as well as the oddities in the confession (which probably aren't public but Futaba would hack that shit as soon as Ren started talking about the odd midnight channel and weird murders and supernatural-seeming shit and everyone goes METAVERSE???) - Ryuji thinks it's a shame the group never went big, Ren points out that they couldn't really do much in sleepy Inaba - the overall thrust is that Ren is deeply invested in being able to continue Metaverse activities even after he goes home, and Futaba and Morgana both enable this instead of thinking more and becoming concerned about why this is so overly important to Ren

- Sae gets Metanav on her phone? [...This is...all I wrote down for this. as an aside of the whole interrogation room plot, Sae would theoretically be granted the app on her phone--at least, if Yaldabaoth thought she'd be useful to Ren. Since canon does nothing with this, I guess he didn't. BUT WHAT IF? idk]

- Mishima accidentally Metaverse with Ryuji [THIS IS ACTUALLY HOW I WROTE IT? lol the idea was he was telling Ryuji about a Phansite request while they were trying to verify its authenticity, so naturally he manages to hit all the keywords while they're in the vicinity of the Palace] - Ryuji panics, gets them back immediately, tells Mishima to NOT mess with any apps that might appear on his phone - tells the others at PT meeting -and Ren just...sighs. "now he's going to flip when he doesn't get the app" - hold up, Ren. How you know that? everyone pumps Ren for more info on Igor once he comes up, Mona is tipped off that something is wrong with Ren [this was...actually another thing that was supposed to come up in Shuffle Time! GEE, MAYBE THE ISSUE I'VE HAD WITH SHUFFLE TIME IS TRYING TO DO TOO MANY THINGS. basically this was playing with both the fact that Ren doesn't really seem nice to Mishima sometimes and that Ren knows more about the app than the others do and for some reason doesn't tell them. Ren is pretty sure Mishima's not ready to awaken to a persona, so he'd be useless in the metaverse, so he's not a candidate for the app. While he's right, at least within the timeline of the fic, the way he acts about it rubs Ryuji wrong and the fact that he knows things about the app and hasn't been saying rubs EVERYONE wrong. This was supposed to be set before the rank where Mishima is challenged to change himself and Ren acknowledges afterward that even if Mishima isn't ready for a Persona yet, he has more strength than he gave him credit for. He also apologizes to Mishima for holding a grudge about the leaked record and tries to be kinder to him afterward.]

KO Gamplay & Story integration -Ren gets knocked out in mementos, bad fight - cut to interrogation room: "...And that's when 'Ren' died." - Sae is not impressed & Ren needs to stop bsing. he smiles & tells her to be patient so he can explain...the crime she truly wanted to ask him about... - back to fic's main time: others manage to revive Ren, but he's acting strangely - his 'ego' has been wrecked & his personas are out of control. his friends can help keep him in check but only for a while, and even then he's not quite himself; whoever is with him gets responded to by a Persona of their arcana, so he flits wildly between personalities between meetings with confidants and pretty much needs to be supervised in public settings to make sure he acts...semi-appropriately (morgana being around means he's usually in Magician mode) - eventually, though, the matching arcanas is an issue with Akechi drawing out Justice personas that know 1) there is an assassin in the Metaverse and 2) Akechi has access to the Metaverse. Principality, which guards nations, waits until he is certain Akechi is the Black Mask. Then murders him in the real world. And that's why Sae is interrogating Ren in this timeline.

-Ren's POV of Stall & Crash -"warden" Arsene, punishment/handcuffed/restraint -"I know you're not real" "I am as real as your sense of self... ah, but you don't have a good grasp of that, do you". [u know how in p3 out of control Personas hurt their real selves and p4 is basically EVERYONE'S Shadow being pissed off at their real self? yeah this was basically Ren's guilt at considering selling out his team, albeit while heavily drugged, causing Arsene to manifest as an abusive warden who 'allows' Ren to still be able to use his Personas but makes it very clear he's not worthy and hurts him at times. I don't think I did this mostly because while it's proposed as Ren's POV of Stall & Crash, Ren being unstable to this degree beforehand wasn't really evidenced in that fic and I thought it might be fun to play with but also I would HOPE he wouldn't start Shido's Palace while like this. ...may work better as a completely separate fic?]

- Clean-Up the Heart - Ren calls Kawakami before realizing BAD IDEA - she gets suspicious and invents a reason for him to request her so they can talk - they have a heart-to-heart - that's it that's the fic [...lol. to add a bit more: the idea was to set this either while Ren is still playing dead, or right after he's allowed to come back to school. He really needs to talk to someone about everything that's happened but he doesn't want to place more stress on Sojiro or his teammates, so he thinks about the other confidants he knows and...Kawakami should be okay, right? He shouldn't tell her about any of the scarier stuff, but maybe he can just talk a little except he clams up as soon as she answers and hastily says it was a misdial Kawakami doesn't quite buy that as she can tell he sounds genuinely off, so she just...makes up on the spot that actually. she's a little tight for cash, and she knew she said she'd do things for him for free, but if he could hire her just one last time? and ren's just like "oh. okay. sure" she basically cleans up his room and then goes 'okay, one, I'm not actually having money problems, you don't need to pay me, and two, now I KNOW something is wrong because I lied and said I was having money problems again and you haven't been nosy about it even once. What's wrong?" and that's how she gets Ren to open up, at least a tiny bit.] holy cow this got long so I'ma do the rest in a different post I guess

[ladyluck852]

Winner Winner (Hanbin x Reader)

A/N: chicken dinner. Here I go, finally writing a fic about my ultimate bias, pls enjoy I thought this was v cute. Also, the fun cousin stuff is v accurate if your cousin is like your sibling, I have one of those and I would sell him for a corn chip...

Word Count: 3.5k

Genre: fluff, meeting the parents lol

Warnings: I put on my big girl pants so there’s the usual, cussing with the addition of some suggestive content :)

Summary: Meeting his chronically nervous girlfriends parents for the first time should scare Hanbin, but it scares his girlfriend more.

“You’re more nervous than I am. God dammit I know I should have made a move before we left the house, I think I have a bottle of tequila in my car” Hanbin fussed, not being able to watch his fidgeting girlfriend stress out without stressing himself out. He was meeting her parents for the first time, introductions long overdue by about a year and a half just because y/n could not comprehend having her parents and Hanbin in the same room. Hanbin was ready, he’d been ready like three months into the relationship, but y/n kept putting it off until her own mother yelled at her. Of course everyone thought it was hilarious, especially her cousin...

Hanbin and y/n met when Bobby decided to bring his cousin around, they were like two peas in a pod and he just wanted her to meet his best friends. Bad idea, Hanbin swept her off her feet and now Bobby was just slightly uncomfortable. Being as close as he was to the both of them, he really didn’t want to know about their personal life whatsoever, Hanbin was strictly forbidden from talking about y/n whenever he was around because he had a habit of oversharing.

“Babe, I want to leave. I don’t wanna be here” she whispered, burying her face in his chest as he tried to cover her with his jacket. He rubbed her back, her arms, played with her hair, anything to calm her down. She was always nervous and the only time she wasn’t nervous was when she was bossing him around or with Bobby, the fact that it took this long for him to meet her parents just made it worse for her.

“We’re already here. Come on, I’ll give you a massage when we get home” Hanbin said excitedly, wincing when she smacked his arm.

“A massage? You know I hate massages, is that a code word for you getting some? You’re terrible Hanbin, please don’t even mention anything like that in front of my parents” y/n groaned, ringing the doorbell as Hanbin smirked. He knew her, he knew if he acted stupid she’d go into mom mode and boss him around, get a bit of confidence. She was so cute.

“What? You don’t want you parents to know their 23 year old daughter has a private life with her boyfriend? So I shouldn’t mention that you drink either right? Or that you let me-“

“Oh, it’s you two...” Bobby muttered, grabbing y/n by her jacket and trapping her under his arm as he dragged her into the house. Y/n was whining and hitting him but to no avail, the cousin/sibling dynamic was something Hanbin would not get involved in. He just shut the door and removed his shoes, hearing yelling coming from Bobby’s mom to let the poor girl go and his poor girlfriend coughing up her lungs.

“Where’s my son in law? Gosh you’re all red what happened?” Hanbin heard a voice say, his eyes wandering all over the house as he crept through the hallway, making his way towards the kitchen, but not before taking photos of the pictures her parents had up on the wall. Lots of hilarious photos of a young Bobby and y/n in hilarious poses, bad haircuts, missing teeth. Adorable.

“Your nephew tried to choke me to death. Why is he even here? He’s so chaotic mom, why do you guys love him?” Y/n groaned, seeing Hanbin creep into the kitchen with a nervous look on his face. Everyone noticed him in an instant, he’d never felt so weird in his entire life and it was just y/n’s moms intense stare. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but suddenly she smiled and pulled him into a hug.

“Oh you’re so handsome! Wow y/n, your kids will be gorgeous”

“Mom!!!”

Y/n was back to being a nervous wreck, her hands fiddling with her shirt until it was wrinkled and Bobby lent her his sweater, but not before making jokes about her nervousness. His theory was that she was probably pregnant and that’s why she couldn’t deal with the pressure, this had resulted in her chasing him around the entire house and upstairs.

Hanbin was a good boy, sitting at the dinner table waiting for his girlfriend and best friend to settle down, trying to ignore the loud thud he heard from the stairs but silently hoping it wasn’t y/n.

“Jiwon! You idiot, my ass hurts!” Y/n was whining, Hanbin peered around the corner to see both y/n and Bobby sitting on the stairs. Well it looked like they had both fallen, probably wrestling or hitting each other like idiots, y/n was hitting Bobby and that’s when Hanbin decided to stop being nosy.

“Can you two stop acting like children, your father is going to be angry if you break something” y/n’s mom hissed, sending the children to the table. Before y/n could sit next to Hanbin, Bobby occupied the space and gave her a smug look, winning one last time as she went to sit across from them.

“Father? Your dad is here?” Hanbin asked, nervous for real this time.

“Yes, yes I am. Nice to meet you, you’re the boyfriend?” Y/n’s dad said, coming into the room as Hanbin immediately got up from his chair. Bobby and y/n laughed at him, watching his interaction when he went into proper formal mode, finally seeing eye to eye when it came to making fun of her boyfriend.

“Honey you’re so sweet, y/n hates it when I cut up her meat for her” y/n’s mom cooed halfway through dinner, Hanbin had jumped out of his seat to serve his girlfriend and everyone had watched when y/n turned bright red.

“That’s because she loves-“

“Shut up Jiwon” y/n hissed, stopping her cousin before he could make a filthy joke at the table. She was finally beginning to relax, all without the aid of alcohol or five minutes alone with Hanbin, the evening was going by so well that her hands didn’t even shake when Hanbin kissed her cheek when he was done serving her.

“Before I hear about you from you, I want to hear what my daughter likes about you. Clearly you and Jiwon are good friends, but if you’re anything like him and you’re dating my daughter I’m going to be disappointed. So y/n what do you see in Hanbin exactly?” Her father asked, skeptical of the first boyfriend his daughter had brought home to meet the family. He’d been waiting for this day, and he didn’t expect to like her boyfriend but he didn’t think anything bad of Hanbin yet.

“M-me? What I like about him?” Y/n asked nervously, Hanbin watched her hands clutch her napkin and her eyes widen and he tried not to sigh out loud. Nervous y/n was not a friend to either of them, “well he’s really nice...”

“I’m sure he is” her mom said from across the table, her spot next to Bobby’s mother certified a good view of her nervous wreck of a daughter.

“He’s really helpful and smart, um...he’s a good eater,” y/n mumbled, watching Hanbin grimace slightly before Bobby started to choke. No one really caught on, Bobby was the only one who found it funny and in turn he’d begun to choke on his food like an idiot, “he likes it when I cook, oh my gosh you’re so annoying!”

“In conclusion, he really loves her whatever, Hanbin talk about yourself” Bobby muttered, wiping tears from his eyes as his cousin glared at him from across the table. Y/n had been plotting to get rid of him ever since his first comment of the night, now even more so, if she remembered correctly Bobby was dating someone and no one knew.

“Talk about myself? Or how much I love y/n? I guess I can do both, I don’t think I am a particularly good boyfriend,” Hanbin laughed, honestly speaking but making y/n stare at her plate to avoid everyone’s eyes suddenly on her, “but y/n makes me a good boyfriend. My life is chaotic, I’m always busy, I get frustrated and angry all of the time but it seems like y/n never falters no matter what. So in turn, because she’s so supportive, I’m always trying my hardest to be the type of man she feels comfortable and safe with. Even if she is crazy I’m-“

“Don’t say it” Bobby whispered under his breath, kicking Hanbin in the leg before the both of them turned to stare at each other.

“I’m crazy for her. I love her, so I hope you guys think I’m a proper fit for her, I can’t imagine a day without her” Hanbin finished, smiling cutely at y/n who was swallowing a whole cup of water.

“This chicken is really spicy” y/n said, her whole face red as she stood from the table and disappeared from sight.

“Is anyone else touched or is it just me? Hanbin I think you should go handle your woman before she uses up all the tissues while crying her eyes out” y/n’s dad said, giving Hanbin a thumbs up. It was mostly an excuse to talk about him while he was away, but Hanbin didn’t catch on as he went searching for her. He heard crying when he passed the staircase, pulling open the closet underneath the stairs and watching y/n as she stood there sobbing between the coats.

“Harry Potter are you okay?” Hanbin chuckled, closing the door behind him as he squeezed himself into the closet with her.

“You’re so sweet, my mom adores you, I’m just freaking out right now okay?” Y/n cried, not budging when Hanbin tried to hug her.

“What’s wrong my love? Why are you crying so much? You didn’t even cry this much the first time I told you I loved you” Hanbin joked, not getting a reaction out of y/n who just buried her face in his chest.

“You’re so special Hanbin, so the thought of losing you terrifies me. And I knew my parents would love you, that’s why it took me so long, I don’t want to lose you” she confessed, not seeing Hanbin’s reaction since it was so dark and her face was plastered against his chest.

“Ah, baby, sweetheart, my love, don’t be stupid. You’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, what makes you think I’d ever let you go? Do I need to kiss you to make it better?” Hanbin whispered against her ear, notoriously warm hands creeping up her shirt until she jumped.

“I’m going to choke you in this closet Hanbin” she grumbled, trying to remember where she saw the pair of random shoelaces.

“And?” Hanbin snorted, finding her mouth in the dark and covering it it with his, the both of them leaning against the wall of the small closet as he slipped his hands underneath her shirt. And Bobby’s sweatshirt.

“You can’t seduce me. They’re waiting for us” y/n whined, Hanbin ignored her as her hands said otherwise, tugging at his hair while he kissed down her jaw.

“Your parents think you’re crying your eyes out, plus I think they’re talking about me so they definitely want us there. What would you do if I-“

“Are you two DONE?!”

Y/n had never moved so fast in her life, tripping over her feet to separate herself from Hanbin as the door opened and Bobby turned on the light. Hanbin pulled y/n in front of him, giving a nervous smile as he fixed her hair and clothes.

“Shut up, she was so sad and inconsolable, my poor baby” Hanbin cooed, petting y/n’s hair as Bobby rolled his eyes.

“Her dad wants to see you. I’ll give you five minutes to get rid of your problem, y/n come with me there’s cake” Bobby said, pulling y/n with him and shutting the door on Hanbin. He sighed as he stood in the dark, banging his head against the door because now he was nervous about what her dad wanted. Problem solved.

“Do you drink?” Her dad asked, his meeting room of choice was the laundry room and Hanbin stared at the clothes spinning in the washer.

“Yes but no. No?”

“Do you want to calm your nerves or are you okay?” 

Hanbin sighed, “I’m okay, just curious”

“I’ll get to the point then. Do you want to marry her?” He asked, Hanbin felt his heart beat against his chest as he rubbed at his stomach nervously.

“Um, please? I adore her” Hanbin laughed, blowing air out of his mouth as her dad nodded.

“Do you have a ring yet? Are you certain because... I don’t think it’s in your best interest to even consider breaking her heart. You know, Jiwon would kick your ass”

“Yeah,” Hanbin mumbled, “never in a million years. I want to spend my life with her, and I did buy a ring already. I don’t have it on me, I’ve been waiting to ask you for her hand for what seems like forever”

Y/n’s dad laughed, patting Hanbin on the shoulder, “she’s a special case, nervous as hell, I’m glad she likes you”

“I’m glad she likes me too”

The rest of the night went by smoothly, Hanbin had invited y/n back to the dorms with him and they gave Bobby a ride too. Hanbin was in a tremendously good mood, cracking jokes and offering to buy everyone ice cream for a movie night, sending Bobby to the store while he kissed y/n in the car.

“Someone’s in a good mood” y/n laughed, pulling away from Hanbin who looked like he had hearts in his eyes. He adored her, she was his whole world, his pretty lady.

“I just love you so much, can you blame me?” Hanbin laughed, sitting back in his seat with a smile while y/n poked his stomach.

“I love you more! Like you handled everything like an expert” y/n said, holding onto his hand and watching him smirk.

“I can handle you like an expert”

“Shut up”

When they finally got the the dorms, it was somewhat of a frenzy, Hanbin didn’t quite understand why everyone was suddenly coming to him to solve their problems but everyone freaked out even more when they saw y/n.

“Oh hey y/n, come look at this dog I saw!” Yunhyeong said, dragging y/n away as the rest of the boys seemed to be wrestling on the floor.

“What the hell is happening right now?” Hanbin groaned, heading to the kitchen to put the ice cream away while everyone followed. Bobby helped, just as skeptical as Hanbin when Donghyuk dragged Jinhwan into the room. Jinhwan looked terrified, everyone looked terrified, he was holding his arms behind his back and almost crapped himself under the heavy stare of both Hanbin and Bobby.

“W-we found the um...the ring” Jinhwan whispered, flinching when Hanbin looked entirely shocked. Mostly because they were in his room looking through his things and he had a lot of things in there, and a lot of y/n’s things as well.

“And? What the hell” Hanbin hissed, watching Bobby walk around the counter and grab Jinhwan’s arm. It took Hanbin a while to figure out what was happening, but as his eyes focused on Jinhwan’s left hand he felt a mix of emotions. The strongest one was anger, confusion as to why the hell they’d done it.

“Cut his fucking finger off,” Hanbin muttered, everyone in the room collectively losing their shit while Bobby tried to pull the ring from Jinhwan’s finger, “are you guys insane?! Do you know I was planning on proposing tonight?  She’s literally here right now!”

“It was an accident! We’ve tried everything!” Donghyuk whimpered, terrified for his life when Hanbin slammed open the fridge and grabbed the mayonnaise.

“Oh god, no” Jinhwan whined, covering his face as Hanbin dropped some onto his hand and gripped the ring, yanking hard and nearly tearing his whole finger off. Jinhwan was practically crying at the end, everyone watching Hanbin like he was a ticking time bomb as he rinsed off the ring and made sure the diamonds were free of condiments.

“Touch my shit again...I dare you” Hanbin whispered, leaving the room and finding y/n waiting patiently in the living room, “baby, wanna go somewhere?”

“Didn’t we just get here?” Y/n laughed, watching Jinhwan sulk by and knowing Hanbin was probably a little on edge and being mean to them.

“Yeah but...let’s get out of here” Hanbin shrugged, giving her a cheesy lopsided grin when she nodded. They took a walk, he bought her an ice cream cone that they shared while he told her about how much fun he had. Y/n was delighted, trying not to fight him when he ate half the ice cream in one bite, but snuggling close to his side anyways.

“It’s cold and you bought me ice cream, seems like you’re trying to get rid of me” y/n mumbled, sitting on a bench after Hanbin and draping her legs across his lap.

“The complete opposite, I swear. I just wanted to talk to you in private” Hanbin mumbled, catching her chin between his fingers and making y/n blush.

“In private? We couldn’t just go to your room. Are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend? I don’t think you ever asked” y/n teased, scooting closer to kiss him while Hanbin stopped her. Uncharacteristic for him, he would never deny kisses, especially when there was no one around to see.

“Ah,” Hanbin sighed, shaking his head while his girlfriend got impatient. Hanbin was only like this when there was something important going on, it kind of scared y/n, “would you ever consider spending the rest of your life with me?”

Y/n snorted, covering her mouth with her hand, “What a question. Duh, do you want me to prove it to you?”

“How?” Hanbin mumbled, suddenly interested in her tone and losing sight of his objective.

“We can go home and I can-“

“Wait wait. No, now is not the time. Sit here I’ll be right back” Hanbin said, kissing her cheek before running off to god knows where. Hanbin sat at the next bench out of sight, trying to psych himself up to do this, he really wanted to but he also didn’t want to cry. He heard footsteps and thought it was y/n but it was really just garbage blowing in the wind across the way, a clear reminder of something Hanbin felt like without her...

“Okay, you were gone forever” y/n teased, watching Hanbin come back with a blank look on his face. She raised an eyebrow, not knowing what he was up to at all, his idea of a poker face usually was just a mean face. Y/n watched as Hanbin knelt between her legs, she glanced around the park with a blush on her cheeks and Hanbin just rolled his eyes as he held his hand out.

“Can we get married? I want to be your husband forever”

He didn’t know what he expected out of her, the crying definitely, the clinging yes, the public displays of affection were something he didn’t expect but he could only allow so much of it before he was tugging her back towards the dorms.

Bobby was eating ice cream alone in his room, missing his cousin and hoping Hanbin would bring her back soon to play video games when his phone rang. He couldn’t pause his match but knew Hanbin would explode if he didn’t answer so he did, “yes?”

“Please clear out the dorm, get them out of there, I’m on my way home”

“Does this mean she said yes?”

“Jiwon your cousin is seconds away from getting handsy with me in the elevator and I fear for my life, just get them out of the dorms”  Hanbin pleaded, sounding desperate in a way only y/n could make him. They were so annoying, now Bobby and Hanbin were going to be related. Now he had to take care of their kids.

“Fine. You owe me”

“I already told your mom you had a girlfriend and she didn’t kill you. Now you owe me” Hanbin muttered, hanging up while Bobby groaned, throwing a pillow at his girlfriend who was sleeping in his bed before quickly going to kiss her forehead.

“Sorry babe, we have company tonight”

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

K

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

oh my god how can I pick just one???? 😱 

Hmmmmmmm, the main ones I want to mention are ones I also want to keep to myself until I write them/finish writing them because I feel like they’re very unique...I don’t wanna hear if they’ve been done before cos then I won’t want to write them anymore XD

Let’s see...something I’m not super protective over....tbh I lot of my super angsty ideas involve sad/hopeless endings tbh. I’m a sucker for them.

I had a really angsty time travel idea where character A goes back in time to save Character B from dying, and they do, but then after that conflict passes, another springs up and Character B dies again. So A time travels again and saves them from that too, and lo and behold, a third conflict springs up and B dies again. And so on, A is just completely incapable of letting B die, and suffers over and over again because B’s death is inevitable and unchangeable, but they also don’t get desensitised to it cos it’s always different and they can have months and years in between giving them false hope that they’ve finally saved them. And then, ooh boy, compromised morals as they get more and more desperate to save them, until they can’t even recognise the person they are anymore and maybe Character B even ends their relationship over how much they’ve changed (may or may not be aware of what’s happening, who knows, not me)

Actually...that’s not that angsty enough that’s kind of bland and done to death

dammit

I really like angst ideas where for whatever reason, a character is going through hell in the story, suffering a lot, for a perceived purpose. I have a few ideas like this, but then when it comes down to it, at the end, their suffering was pointless for whatever reason (there are a few alternatives) and that’s like, oooh that hits where it hurts, even with a happy ending, there’s a lingering sense of just...despair, cos they could have avoided so much suffering but they didn’t notice something, or were too in their heads and perpetuating their own misery because of it etc. Those ‘what if’s man, they hurt.

The long soulmate au I wrote three years ago was like that, Draco suffering through the years keeping quiet about Harry being his soulmate (and not even Harry knew) and he was telling himself he was protecting Harry (only slightly true, but once he made the initial dumb decision he was kind of locked into it since he stupidly decided to keep Harry away by making him hate him *cue eyeroll* Draco you dumb fuck), and everything happens as in canon, but with that undercurrent of him loving Harry because they’re soulmates (but also hating him because when he starts suffering (and oh boy I made him suffer from after GoF onwards, torture and nastiness from the DE for sport and all that, and he blames Harry, if it wasn’t for Harry being his soulmate, and he feels so afraid all the time of someone finding out and using him to get to Harry and suffering even more, and maybe he’d be better and not get hurt so much if not for Harry and blah blah) and then near the end (8th year) they’re sort of becoming friends, and Draco went on a killing spree when Harry died, so he’s known as a hero now and fucking hates it cos he only sees himself as a weak coward for always running away and hiding from the DE and only fighting because he was mad with grief when he realised Harry had died and didn’t actually mean to save any of the people he saved, and he still hasn’t told Harry, even though Harry talks to him about soulmates a lot once they start talking, cos Harry still wonders where his is (papers printed a pic of his mark in 1st year so everyone knows what his mark is, and Harry assumes his soulmate just doesn’t want him) and Draco is fucking miserable, and trapped in his habit of hiding and completely incapable of telling him, so when Harry makes a move on him, Draco pushes him away because he’s so afraid XD 

I mean, it ended happily, eventually, but all his suffering, esp his angsting about how Harry would react after being made to feel unloved and unwanted for those years, and how miserable he made himself with it, was pointless and for nothing because Harry accepted him, even if they moved very slow after that to build trust (cos Harry is no idiot and Draco gave a lot away when they talked about soulmates even if Harry didn’t realise at the time Draco was talking about them)

I got so much fucking hate over that though, which is why that fic is not online and won’t ever go back online. and yeah. That actually might be my angsiest, just from the sheer pointlessness of his suffering, which was the point (lol), but very very unsatisfying for readers even though they got a happy ending, and oh boy they let me know and I was a wee baby writer only on my second fic so yah. Never written anything that angsty again actually, now that I think about it...

I mean, the technical writing of that fic was shit (no, really it was terrible) because it was only my second fic and I didn’t edit as I posted, but no one said a word about the writing quality, it was all hate for the plot and my handling of the characters and that damn ending, but everything they hated was intentional and what I loved about the idea myself soooooooooooo, awkward

Anyway, yeah that soulmate au is probably my angstiest thing, just cos the suffering has no purpose or meaning and could have been avoided if the character had just made different choices, and it dragged on for 7+ years. And it’s just delightful the way he shifts between loving Harry because of being soulmates and all the societal conditioning therein (but also knowing they’re soulmates making him really pay attention to Harry and see what kind of person he really is and all that) and then hating Harry and wishing he was dead, and then feeling overwhelming guilt for feeling that way about his soulmate, and then cycling back around to rage, and then relief to see him again after every summer of suffering, and just, ughhhhhhhhhhhhh that’s my kind of angst right there, so good.

Fuck I rambled so much. probably littered with typos and shit. ugh I’m tired I’m just gonna post it how it is XD

Send me a letter for this fanfic ask meme if you’re curious =)

[dazais-guardian-angel]

A lot of thoughts about All Might, Izuku Midoriya, and My Hero Academia’s themes of empowerment and hope

So a few months ago I finally jumped on the infamous My Hero Academia bandwagon, and I’m finally getting around to talking about what it is about this series that has me so utterly captivated and emotional beyond belief, something I’ve wanted to discuss for a while now. MHA does a lot of things right, and at the same time, some things wrong, I can’t deny, (and man, I wish it didn’t do some of those things... alas), but there is one aspect of it in particular it (that expands into a few different things) that affects me more than anything else, that I wasn’t expecting at all when I first walked into it... something so special to me purely because of how so few other series focus on topics like these, and so beautifully and profoundly.

Below I’ll go into what I believe is MHA’s biggest strength, what makes it stand out from other shounen series, that resonates with me and so many others so deeply. This post is super long and rambling, with way too many pictures, and all of this has been said before by others, but hey, this is really damn important to me so I need to cry about it myself in-depth okay. Hopefully this all makes sense? lmao. Oh and lots of spoilers ahead.

It all has to do with our two main characters, and how they embody and exemplify more than anyone else the themes at the heart of the series:

First off, the main point: All Might is a disabled superhero.

I haven’t read/watched a ton, at least compared to many others, but I’m still confident in saying that, like other marginalized groups, finding disabled characters in media, main ones that are handled well, and don’t have their disabilities magically cured or made irrelevant somehow, is really fucking rare. And even in these cases, the disability is usually something such as blindness, deafness, muteness, an inability to walk, or lack of limbs. Which by no means am I saying that it isn’t important to represent those disabilities as well, far from it (I want more characters in wheelchairs, god dammit); I’m only saying that there’s even less chance of seeing more complicated disabilities, ones that might not be obvious from the outside, or on the flip side, ones that are very obvious on the outside (to the point that they might seem “unsightly”, disabilities that writers, especially in Hollywood, wouldn’t be eager to want to attempt properly, unfortunately), because of that.

All Might is arguably the secondary main character in the series, and he has a very specific set of issues due to the injury he received in the past: the blow to his torso meant they had to take out his stomach, much of his lungs were mangled and destroyed, and he had to have many successive surgeries just to get to a stable point, all of which left as emaciated as he is, and with a massive, ugly, bruised scar that caves inward like an impact crater, which looks like it hurts like hell. Losing his stomach means getting enough nutrition is virtually impossible for him (since he doesn’t have the time nor the discipline to eat as regularly as he needs to), making him even more dangerously skinny, and losing so much of his lungs wreaks havoc on his stamina and breathing, as well as causes him to cough blood on a regular basis.

...and All Might is the strongest superhero in the MHA universe, while still having all of these problems.

Now I won’t say that this is the absolute pinnacle of disability representation or anything, absolutely no way; All Might’s blood coughing is used for comedic effect, which I wish weren’t the case (though that happened the most near the beginning of the series; you don’t really see it anymore), and it would honestly be really nice if his disabilities were made more of a focus/point in the normal, mundane slice-of-life parts of the story, instead of just when the plot demands for it to be relevant, which so far has only been in the USJ arc, the Kamino Ward arc, and I suppose you could argue with the reveal of his death prophecy in chapter 131; it would be really amazing to see the other characters helping him when he needs it, and to see him using medical technology, even. Fanfiction is a blessing that I am eternally grateful for for doing this, but it’s not a replacement for canon. However, having said all that, it is incredible, something that I cannot even put into words how thankful I am, that Horikoshi has done even this much. All Might is not only the strongest of the strong, but he is simultaneously weak and sickly as well, he is both, and the best part of this is that when his “weak” side is revealed to Izuku, and later on everyone else, no one considers that part of him “lesser” or “inferior”: he is still strong, he is still “All Might”, to them, no matter what he looks like, and no matter what he can do.

In essence, having this in a Superman character is genius, because heroes are meant to be inspirations, beacons of hope, people who the characters, and the audience, watch, and are able to think “I can be strong and do good like them, too”, and one of MHA’s main themes is that heroes are heroes ultimately not because of what physical strength they possess, but because of their hearts... so how reassuring, how inspiring, how perfect is it for the top hero to actually be so ordinary, so human, underneath all the bravado and physical strength? Someone who is not some godlike entity on another level entirely, impossible to reach, but simply someone as normal as anyone else, filled with nothing but kindness and an entirely selfless earnestness to help the world, who worked as hard as he could to reach where he did, even despite all odds, despite everything he endured... someone that almost anyone can relate to, and feel like they can become. That is why everyone continues to love All Might no matter what he looks like and what he can or cannot do, and to have someone with so many physical disabilities be so beloved and considered so strong in the story?

That is powerful. That is the kind of character so many more stories need, who, again, people like myself can relate to, both in feelings of weakness and frailty and insecurity, but also in feelings of inner (and outer) strength and motivation and confidence, too. All Might is disabled: that’s just a fact of him, he is never going to ever recover any more, and no one faults him for his disabilities or treats him differently or delicately for it, except for Aizawa a couple times (out of concern). And I love him for it, because I can see my disabilities in him, I can easily picture him going through so many of the hells I’ve been through throughout my life, and god I’m just so emotional to have All Might. I was sobbing during the Kamino Ward All for One fight, seeing All Might be allowed to fight and WIN in his non-powered up, weak form, seeing everyone cheering him on because they held unwavering faith in him no matter what he looked like, to the very end. You never truly understand how important representation is until you are given some, finally. Could there be more to it? Yes, absolutely, and I wish there was. But it’s so wonderful to have a character like this at all, who is an endless sandbox of headcanons and art and fics, all of which are very likely based on what canon does tell us about All Might. It’s just... so nice to simply have a character like him there, shown positively. Thank you, Horikoshi.

However, it goes beyond just All Might; there is the other half of this representation (and relationship), as well:

In MHA’s universe, being quirkless is likened to having a disability; only 20% of the population do not have quirks, and being in that percent is considered strange, a tier below so-called “normal” people, and something to pity and sympathize, if the adults and kids around Izuku in his middle school years are any indication. It’s bad enough knowing that actual disabilities are often treated this way (All Might doesn’t want anyone to see his true body, out of shame, guilt, and fear that people will worry about his ability to continue helping them, even though he is the most beloved and strongest hero of all time, and proves for six entire years with these injuries that he can still work!), but the fact that this then happens to people without inhuman superpowers, something that no one had and wasn’t at all a part of society and everyday life generations ago, that not being cool (basically) will get you looked down upon too, is awful to think about. But that’s the situation Izuku is put in, and it’s because of this specifically that All Might has such an incredible impact on him: that is, not just because of what he does for him, and how he starts off admiring him from a young age, but also because of All Might himself (I’ll get to this).

Izuku admires and tries to emulate All Might as a child, dreams of becoming him when he gets older, just like any kid would; like many children probably did with All Might. But once he’s told that he won’t develop a quirk, clinging to that dream, clinging to All Might, becomes even more fervent and desperate and necessary and important, no matter how impossibly out of reach now All Might’s level may seem, no matter how foolish it is and how deep in denial he goes, because believing that he can become as great a hero as him, believing his heartfelt and motivational words and actions on TV, is all Izuku has to keep his spirits up, to still have any hope. Everyone around him loses faith in him ever becoming someone great, becoming as strong as others with powerful quirks will become, even someone with a pointless quirk means more in society’s eyes than someone like Izuku (ableist much??? ugh) but Izuku continues trying to shoot for his dream, though he has no idea how besides researching other quirks, refuses to give up on himself, despite the pitying, despite the constant, horrendous bullying (bullying that is, again, essentially the way a disabled person would be bullied for having a disability. Think about that. why is Bakugou painted as so forgivable in the narrative again), and I really do believe All Might’s existence for all those years before he met him was the only real reason for that. Izuku is stubborn, but it’s clear at the beginning of the series how badly everything has affected his confidence and self-esteem... if he had never met All Might, it haunts me to think about when Bakugou’s suicidal taunts might have finally pushed him over the edge, possibly literally.

But then, he does meet his hero. And who is it that he finds?

A depressed, broken, and unhealthy man, the complete opposite from the person he had known and looked up to and clung to all his life, who tells him that his heroic smile is no longer real, but rather a mask, and that Izuku should face reality: he can’t become a hero without a quirk.

Now, initially, of course, this utterly devastates Izuku, and one can’t blame him. He reacts exactly as All Might believes anyone would act if they saw his true form, true self, and then his hero rolls with the unpleasant mood and makes it worse, and deals the killing blow and shoots down his eternal dream, the scraps of hopes he’d been clinging to. And hearing it from the man himself, someone who is literally in the same situation Izuku is in, essentially, forces him to give up entirely, because if All Might says he can’t do it, then that’s the end of it, isn’t it? No more lying to himself, after this... not after his hero has basically just told him that everything he projects to everyone is a lie. All Might is the best of the best, and yet, still, he ended up like this, so how on Earth can Izuku think he can do even a FRACTION of what the number one hero has done, with no power at all, and come out of it alive??

All Might is depressed, and weak, and powerless (despite having so much power), just like Izuku is, but he has no inspiring words of comfort about pushing past boundaries or defying odds and expectations, because he doesn’t see himself as anything inspiring, anyone to shoot for, not like he is, doesn’t want anyone emulating him and getting themselves hurt like he is, and he’s not going to be cruel to someone and tell them that they can do things they won’t be able to just to make them feel better; he knows the harsh reality better than anyone. He doesn’t intend to hurt Izuku on purpose, he’s only trying to keep him from doing something reckless that will get him hurt (oh the irony, minutes later), and in his depression and self-loathing and guilt, he’s forgotten how he originally felt when he wanted to become a hero, way back when, the same way Izuku feels... he has lost all hope himself, so of course he has none to give to Izuku, someone sitting squarely in his similar, currently-hopeless position.

In short, all of Izuku’s insecurities and fears are confirmed by that first encounter, which is like looking into a mirror, (and, again, that is heartbreaking, for that to happen with All Might, of all people) and at that point, he’s ready to give up.

But then, the sludge attack happens soon after, and everything changes completely when they meet again.

My Hero Academia’s most beautiful and unique quality to me is how overwhelmingly hopeful and uplifting it is, the message it carries of realizing that you can achieve your dreams, in some way, in some form, no matter how out of reach they may seem and no matter how insignificant and lost you may feel; it is so positive and moving, heartfelt and sincere, wholesome, in everything that happens in it, even when “bad” things happen, compared to many animanga nowadays that steep themselves in darkness and depression (not to say they’re not good, of course I love many of them, but it’s still true), and that’s why it’s so incredibly refreshing and so beloved, I think, despite how very simple the story is. And all of that starts right here, in this scene where Izuku is first told that he can become a hero, that is probably one of the most iconic scenes in the entire series, if not the most iconic.

People like Izuku need to be given hope, encouragement, to know that they’re believed in, that there can be opportunities out there for them; on a most basic level, they need to be treated with normalcy and positivity, just like anyone else would be treated. Lying and giving false hope to unreasonable levels isn’t right, but neither is wallowing in and validating the utter misery, sorrow, and hopelessness the person is feeling, which is exactly what Izuku’s mother does; she doesn’t mean to hurt him, she’s still a good mother, but ultimately she does, unfortunately (especially when added to the school bullying that no one makes any attempt to stop, least of all Izuku himself, his self-esteem as low as it is). At the end of this scene, All Might offers to give Izuku his quirk, and the thing is that you can definitely say this is, in essence, Izuku’s disability being done away with, and I’m not going to say you’re wrong; I, too, was initially disappointed, because I had hoped that this was going to be a story of Izuku becoming a hero without a quirk, cliche as it might be (ideally with the support gear introduced later in the series that I didn’t yet know existed). What makes it more tolerable, though, is knowing that he doesn’t end up recieving One For All for a very long time after this, and even when he DOES get it, he has to work so, painstakingly hard to fine-tune it over the course of the series (reaching only All Might’s level will take him years, I imagine), harder than anyone else who had a quirk from an early age, to even reach a state where he can use it without breaking his body. But getting back to the point I’m trying to make: the focus of this scene is not on Izuku being offered a quirk (because, again, it hasn’t happened yet), but rather simply on the words All Might says to him. In this very moment, what impacts Izuku so strongly is being told that he can become a hero.

Simply those five words. That is all Izuku wants, what he needs more than any actual power itself. What he has been wanting someone to tell him for years upon years, to simply believe in him.

And this is where I’m extrapolating some, but I think that All Might’s condition/situation also has a hand in causing Izuku to react so emotionally to this: previously, All Might’s secret was devastating to him, coupled with his hero rejecting his hopes and exposing nothing but a bleak, harsh reality to him, with no hesitation at all, but here, when All Might completely turns around, inspired by Izuku’s actions and remembering that strength does not make the hero, but heart (”remembers his origins”, as it were), and finally tells him what he’s been craving from someone for so long, it is so much more powerful that it’s coming from All Might in his normal, human, sickly body, and not the heroic one everyone else sees. The “heroic” form of All Might might give off more confidence (especially in his own mind), but that is also the version of him that seems so much more impossible to reach, that seems so untouchable and as far away from the current Izuku as a hero can get, and not to mention is the version of All Might that is “fake”, that he doesn’t consider truly him, and able to convey his most genuine feelings; instead, All Might chooses to give Izuku his offer not as the beautiful hero the boy has idolized all his life (that, to him, is the only version of him he’d recognize, and like, especially since his normal form is the one that, just hours ago, told Izuku to give up), but as himself, as Toshinori, in all his weak, flawed, normal humanity, and it speaks volumes that Izuku is still so incredibly moved, so happy, to hear these words from this All Might that is so different from the one he’s always known. To other kids who have quirks already, powerful or not, they can easily look to the All Might that the world sees and be inspired by him (see: Bakugou), just like Izuku did all his life, be inspired by the power of that All Might, but this new All Might becomes infinitely more relatable to Izuku, just like a child in a hospital, who can look at Toshinori’s character (heart) and body instead, that is so strong despite being so frail at the same time, and can think “If he can do everything he does like he is, then maybe even I can, too.” And what makes it even more poignant to me is knowing that, ultimately, Toshinori essentially tells Izuku what he himself has been wanting someone to reassure him of for the past five years, too; he not only sees the younger, quirkless him in the boy, but also sees the him of now, who has been losing hope and confidence rapidly under crippling weakness for years, and hasn’t had anyone to convince him that he still matters and can do good for the world.

There’s a post I’ve seen that talks about the advice “never meet your heroes, because they’re sure to disappoint you” and how this ends up being subverted when Izuku meets All Might, and it’s absolutely true. What’s so beautiful is that meeting All Might, and seeing all of his many, many flaws, actually causes him to admire him more instead of less. Everything that Toshinori despises about himself, feels guilty over, are what leads to Izuku having an even greater amount of respect for him than ever before, knowing the human side of him, the person beneath the hero; his strength despite his physical ailments is already something Izuku is moved by, but then later finding out that All Might, too, started out quirkless, just like him, causes him to feel even closer to him, and more hopeful that he can become a great hero. He no longer remains simply a fanboy of All Might, but rather, someone who intimately cares about him as a human, as his savior, as his teacher, as his father figure, and finds so much in common with him. The “buff” All Might is everyone else’s All Might, but Toshinori is Izuku’s All Might, the person who told him he could become a hero, the person who shared his heroic spirit and dreams and lack of a quirk as a kid just like him, the person who is reckless just like him, and caring and strong (yet weak) and everything Izuku is and aspires to be. Izuku knows for the entire period All Might is still able to use One For All that his time is running out, that his era is rapidly coming to an end -- and he does cry when that end finally comes, mourns for the ending of the greatest hero he has ever known and the person he looks up to more than anyone else in the world, but even when that happens, his respect and admiration for All Might still does not waver one bit. Even when he can’t fight anymore, Izuku forever considers him All Might, and he’ll never stop doing so: from the moment he tells him he can become a hero, “All Might” and “Toshinori” blend together to him, and becomes someone he eternally loves and respects all the stronger, someone he wants to make proud, someone who he never wants to stop teaching him, and being there for him. All Might starts off as a vague, figurehead idol to Izuku, an image of someone that he loves from far away, and comes to him and becomes a person, and Izuku grows to love that normal, ordinary person more than he loves any other hero. It is the best and most touching version of a “meeting your hero” story that I can think of, where their flaws are embraced, and shown positively, and empowered, adding to their best qualities instead of taking anything away.

And Izuku’s love for Toshinori is, quite literally, saving his life.

As I alluded to, after sustaining his injuries, it’s clear that Toshinori falls into a deep depression, and changes vastly from the person he was when he first started out and for most of his career. After Nana is killed by All For One, he momentarily loses himself to anger and acts selfishly over the selfless duties of a hero, and tries to murder AFO out of revenge, and nearly dies as a result. Besides the obvious ensuing terrible trauma and ptsd he would have had to deal with, and an excruciatingly long recovery period (with probably many relapses), on top of his continued grief over losing his master, not being able to work nearly as much as he could before is absolutely devastating to Toshinori. Being All Might, helping people, saving people, being a hero is what he considers his only real value, which is why he desperately and recklessly continues pushing himself to keep working for however many hours he can, even if it hurts his body, even if his “All Might” smile and jovial personality turns fake and becomes a facade only for the peoples’ sake, not something he genuinely feels anymore, because to Toshinori, if he can’t be the number one hero anymore, he is nothing.

Toshinori has never been in it for the fame or glory; from day 1, from the moment he told Nana about his idea of becoming a “symbol” for people to rely on to keep their world safe for them, so they don’t let their fear lead them into crime, he has always been incredibly humble about everything he does, and extremely self-sacrificial. Of course, a hero needs to be selfless, at least to a degree (Ochako might be doing it for personal gain, but her desire to help people is still 100% genuine, for example), but after the major turning point is his life is when Toshinori begins to take it too far. When he goes after All For One is the sole time that he loses sight of how a hero is supposed to act, and he is punished severely for it, and continues to punish himself in order to make up for his mistake and do what he believes is his necessary duty, having completely forgotten how it felt to want to be a hero, for himself, for his own dream. Being the Symbol of Peace no longer is something Toshinori feels truly passionate about, like he did in the past, but now something he does on autopilot, something that he feels like he has to continue doing just because he’s already done it for so long, been so famous and so relied on for so long, even though it’s utterly exhausting for him, exhausting on his body and exhausting on his mental state, to keep up his normal upbeat personality that everyone knows and loves, but he continues on because not being able to continue serving the people is worse than literally anything else to Toshinori. He doesn’t have anyone there to prove to him that he has value as a person, not just as a hero, let alone to tell him that it’s okay for him to finally stop and rest. As far as we know, it seems like Gran Torino and Naomasa didn’t try to dissuade him much, and though Nighteye tries, rather violently, his approach isn’t the kind that’s convincing to him, and unfortunately his revelation that Toshinori will die in five or six years if he continues working as a hero seems to backfire, and instead makes him want to continue working more instead of less; he most likely believes that he won’t be around much longer, anyway, with the state of his health, so he’s convinced that he needs to do as much as possible before accepting the inevitable end. And then, Nighteye leaves him, so Naomasa is essentially the only person to support him Toshinori has left (seriously, Nighteye, I know you care; come on!).

But this is why meeting Izuku is so important for Toshinori, as much as it is for Izuku; everything changes for him when he does. At first, all he sees in Izuku is another fanboy, trying to chase a dream that Toshinori knows very well is completely unattainable for him without any power, because of how he can do nothing, is nothing, when he runs over his time limit and can’t use his quirk anymore, and he tries to shut him down as reasonably as possible, even admitting how unfair it is (because everything about himself is unfair now, to him); he knows how he must look to a fan of his, and hates it, and doesn’t have the energy to give him any small amount of hope or comfort, because he hasn’t known what it’s like to have hope in years, so he cannot give out any in return, when to him, now, being a hero is only something that will get you hurt, get you guilt-ridden, and, for someone like Izuku, get you killed. ...But it’s when he sees Izuku in action, sees his pure, unadulterated, selfless desire to help (however foolishly), it’s like a light turns on in his mind again, because actions always speak louder than words, and Toshinori is finally, truly reminded of that feeling, that innate, original, burning desire to be a hero that he had had when he was Izuku’s age, and also quirkless, and Izuku’s passion ignites his own passion once more, after so long, and lets him see the light and inspires him to act.

And because Izuku moves him, awakens something inside him again, like this, he chooses him to be the next One For All inheritor, partly because, as I said, he sees his younger self in him, but also I think because he understands exactly how hopeless Izuku feels, and wants to do something to change that, since he can (since he believes Izuku is worthy); his own dreams have been long since crushed out of helplessness, he doesn’t want this child’s to be too, when he himself got a chance from Nana when he was just like Izuku, back then. The thing is, at first, despite the spark that Izuku initially ignited in Toshinori, he still believes that he is going to be ready to die when the fated time comes, however it may happen; he starts teaching at UA, but knows that his time with One For All is running out, and believes that once it does, or once he dies, whichever comes first, that will be the end of things, and he won’t regret it. He knows he is not a good teacher, not knowing how to help Izuku train One For All so that he doesn’t hurt himself, and he initially believes that it is simply good enough that he managed to pass on his legendary quirk before he died, the one true urgent thing he’d been worried about since he became injured.

But then, over time, Izuku starts changing him.

Slowly, without even realizing it, Toshinori is affected by Izuku’s presence, his admiration for him, his care for him even when he’s in his normal, “inferior” state. He begins to be reminded again, truly, of what it means to be a hero, why he does what he does, why he loved it, and grows to again find value, importance, confidence, in the ideals he created for himself all those years ago, that his master encouraged him to stick to, again, and shows pride in them again, despite his “shameful” and “weak” appearance. The battle at Kamino Ward is truly the turning point for Toshinori, because he goes into it believing that his prophesied death will occur there, while taking down the person who took everything from him in the process, but it’s during that battle that he suddenly truly realizes not only what I said above, but also that it’s not enough anymore for him to simply win here, it’s not enough anymore for Izuku to solely have One For All on his own: now, All Might wants to live. He wants to live for Izuku’s sake, to be there for him and support him and care for him, and for his own sake as well, because Izuku has become more than just his successor to him. He wants to live, wants to defy his fate, he refuses to die, and tells his sworn enemy as much, multiple times, has a true will to live that Toshinori has not felt so strongly ever since his injury, and it’s thanks to his students, his fellow teachers, but more than anything else, Izuku. Because Izuku never takes advantage of him, never takes him for granted, never scorns him, never makes him feel as weak as Toshinori always felt; Izuku looks at him as if he’s the sun in the sky, he respects him, trusts and wants his guidance, he loves him, and in the same way that Toshinori empowered him on that day by telling him he could become a hero, Izuku gives strength to him right back, every single day, simply by being with him, and letting him know how much he needs him, how much he can do for him.

yeah I just wanted an excuse to put these panels cause they fucking kill me bye Just as much as Toshinori no longer wants to accept death, is determined to fight against it, Izuku is determined to stand by his side and make sure he succeeds in that, by helping him and protecting him however he can. No matter how many years pass, and how much stronger Izuku becomes, and how much weaker and more “unneeded” for his training and guidance Toshinori becomes, Izuku will never, ever, ever give up on him, or stop wanting him and believing in him. It is for Izuku’s sake that Toshinori has come as far as he has, not just mentally and emotionally, but even physically: he’s making a conscious effort to wear clothes that fit him now (obviously, now he can, without his quirk, but I think it says something that he’s made the change at all, since he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t wish to), and he’s trying to get in shape as much as is possible for him; anything he can do to extend his lifespan even a little bit more, for Izuku, something he didn’t care about at all before meeting him.

And of course he doesn’t want to simply live; he tries to make a conscious effort to become a better teacher, that Izuku desperately needs, even though Toshinori knows he’s not good at it. He realizes how important it is that Izuku stop injuring himself, stop being so recklessly heroic, lest he get himself into a deadly situation just like he did six years ago (something that Toshinori had to have thought about initially, when he first turned Izuku down that day, but since became ignorant of after giving him One For All and not knowing at all how to handle the teaching/mentoring side of things), and implores Izuku’s mother to let him continue teaching him and helping him become a hero, not only because of how deeply he’s come to care about the boy, but because of how much he genuinely believes he can achieve his dream, and how much he wants to make sure things go right with him, after everything in his own life went so horribly, depressingly wrong. Wants to make sure that he doesn’t lose his precious mentor, his source of guidance, the way Toshinori did, doesn’t want him to have to struggle alone, wants to make sure he can have someone to share his feelings with, someone to lean on, so he never has to hide anything, someone he can get everything he needs from, because Toshinori, as the number one hero, has been through it all. Toshinori wants to pour his all into Izuku, protect him, raise him, lift him up, as his successor and who is basically like a son to him, after everything Izuku has given him in return, after he has done nothing but save him the entire time they’ve known each other.

And that’s ultimately the core of their relationship, in the end: two people who saved each other, are still saving each other, in the most poignant and moving of ways. Both of them acknowledge somehow that the other being there is what kept them going. For Toshinori, I most certainly believe Izuku is why he is still alive today, and I honestly believe the same for Izuku as well. Without All Might, Izuku would not have made it through the bullying, and the pitying, and the loneliness and despair, and without Toshinori, he wouldn’t have been blessed with the gift he’s been given, wouldn’t be able to being living out his dream and trying to achieve it, wouldn’t have found friends, best friends, people to talk to, happiness, encouragement, support, strength, and above all, a father figure who he adores almost as much as his mother. Without Izuku, Toshinori wouldn’t have been given someone to guide, and nurture, and protect and want to see grow, wouldn’t, I believe, have had the same relationships with the teachers and students at UA, wouldn’t have been given a family, a son, a reason after he lost One For All to keep getting himself out of bed every day and keep living. Izuku and All Might parallel each other in so many beautiful ways: both of them begin quirkless, but hopeful, with strong ideals, a desire to do good, and kind and earnest hearts, and eventually they lose their way, Izuku gradually and hesitantly, and All Might drastically, devastatingly, and messily, agonizingly and bleakly, though both of them retain their kindness despite their internal despair, and then they meet each other and... save each other, become each other’s world, give each other so much. They both look past what they consider to be their weaknesses, and see the beauty and potential in each other, and bring out the best in each other, make each other happy.

More than anything else, All Might must live to the end of the series. He must. At the beginning, he started off depressed, dying, and ready to die, but now he is hopeful, still weak, still disabled, still dying, in a way, but trying so damn hard to live, and he deserves it so much. His arc is all about him doing everything he can to make sure that happens; he “should” have died at Kamino Ward, if this were any other series, he would have, but he didn’t, because he knew Izuku needed him, just like he needs Izuku. I want him to live, I want him to age, and become old and grey, and to need more help and need technology to help him (give him a cane, give him a wheelchair, give him oxygen, give him everything), but still be alive, alive to see Izuku become a great hero just like he always knew he would be, alive to see him graduate and get married and have children, and see that for all his other students too. I want him to live, for himself, for Izuku, and for everyone in the audience who he touches, just like he does to me. I see myself in Izuku, in his emotional state and his insecurities and his tears and his uncertainty about what he can accomplish, and I see myself in All Might, in his body (so much of his body) and his pain and his frustration and his shame and his insecurities. Both of them represent what it feels like to be disabled, in different ways, literally and figuratively, and being shown that you still matter, that you’re still important and can do so much greatness, and are given the opportunity to do so, to go beyond.

That is why All Might and Izuku matter, why My Hero Academia’s hopeful, uplifting, and inspirational outlook matters. The two of them are each other’s heroes, not because of any grand spectacle, but because they made each other feel needed, important, and strong when no one else was there to give that to them, at their lowest points. That’s why they are, to me, one of the absolute best mentor/mentee relationships in anime and manga, ever.

All Might will always be there for Izuku in some shape or form... but please, Horikoshi, from the bottom of my heart, let him live. He’s still important, always will be. Don’t let him fade into irrelevance. Don’t let him die.

Izuku needs him. I do, too.

(and let him wear this outfit in canon, it’s so badass; look at those oxygen tanks! SO MUCH POTENTIAL)

“Between my inferior self, and the world that surrounds me, I form an image and try to grasp it, but it feels so far away.

That endlessly expanding sky held no clear destination, so I started to feel scared. But no matter how many times I stumbled, you were right there, smiling.”

- “Heroes” by Brian The Sun

“And when it gets too hard, and nothing seems to work, I think about the reason why you kept pushing forward. I’m meant to be the savior but you saved me instead, I tried to hold your hand but you just held me in the end.

But then what’s left for me? With no one else around, I’m stuck here with the guilt that I can’t be left alone now. But keep looking ahead because you know that you should, and don’t be sad it changed, because I’m happy that it could!

And when I feel like giving up and doubting myself, I think of every letdown, the pain that I felt. But the things that I have lost are now the weapons I wield, each one of them a flower that is always concealed.”

- “Long Hope Philia” by Masaki Suda

[fortysevenswrites]

11/11 Writing Tag

Tagged by one of my fav Rogue One writers, @theputterer, and I’m glad I came across it on my dash because I didn’t get the email about the @, so…thanks Tumblr…

I was also tagged a couple weeks ago by @incognitajones, so I’m going to answer their all 22 questions in one long post, so—be aware of that.

Rules: Answer the 11 questions of the person who tagged you; make up 11 questions; tag 11 people to answer them.

@theputterer’s questions:

What is your favorite fandom to write for?

I think my favorite fandom to write for would have to be whatever fandom is in the forefront of my mind. I’m not exactly one to hop from fandom to fandom. It’s more - here’s the current fixation, watch how it takes over my life. It’s how it’s been since…as far as I can remember.

So, I guess for an actual answer, it would mean The Punisher, which—I’m not going to lie—I started about thinking about writing for before I watched anything from either Daredevil or The Punisher. And I thought to myself, I have to be good and start from the beginning, but I didn’t feel like slogging through DDS1 (still don’t), so I said fuck it and started season two. Best. Decision. ever.

Remember - do whatever the hell you want.

What is your most “hot take” of a headcanon?

Hmmmmmm. That’s a good question.

For Star Wars, I’d say that Padme is definitely force sensitive as fuck (which also probably explains why I bring her in as a Force Ghost in all my Sequel Trilogy fic. Also, Leia Fucking Badass Organa is more force sensitive than Luke.

For Daredevil/The Punisher, I head canon that Karen doesn’t actually think of Matt as her ex-boyfriend. I really don’t. They went on a date and a half, and made out once. (I will give them credit for having a nice make-out scene, even though I definitely do not ship them and Matt’s not high in my hierarchy of favorite Netflix-MCU characters).

Is there a trope you just can’t stand?

I’d have to say a tie between ABO and Poly, but now that I’m typing it, ABO definitely comes out ahead. I just can’t. For poly ships, it has to be written REALLY well for me to be about it.

But mostly just, no.

In what writing area or style would you most like to improve?

I’d love to get better at action scenes. I’m great at exposition and dialogue, and dropping epic plot-twist bombs, but fight scenes are hard, yo.

What’s an AU you’d like to write but haven’t, and why haven’t you written it?

Since binging Star Trek Discovery this year, I really want to do a Kastle/Star Trek Disco AU, and that’s if I have to pick an AU. I’m really best served in the canon-divergence side of fandom, but if there’s one I’d like to try to tackle eventually (like after The Big Indulgence), it would be that one. Especially after how ST:D pulled off the season 2 finale, because holy shit.

Describe an OC you created for a fic in five sentences or less.

From my stilllllll unfinished MCU AU, Just Fake It (And No One Will Know You’re In Over Your Head) Charlotte Lewis:

1. Darcy Lewis’ younger sister.

2. Adorable genius.

3. Insomniac.

4. Badgers Bucky until he agrees to teach her Russian.

5. Is very, very, very (SPOILERS).

I promise, I’ll finish it someday.

What is your best writing tip?

Just write. Inspiration isn’t going to hit every single day, but if you want to be a consistent writer and churn out fic at whatever pace you want (or even your own original fiction work), then you have to just write. It doesn’t matter if it’s shit, as long as you get words on the page, you can go back and make them suck less.

Name a writer who has influenced your writing style, and how.

That woman who wrote Harry Potter (whose name I do not like using anymore, because reasons) inspired me to be interested in fantasy, and open the door to my love of reading and creating stories (including stories that are, you know, better).

Which character do you wish you wrote more about, and why don’t you?

I want to write more Mitchell Ellison, specifically Ellison interacting with Frank. The stories I read where they meet are some of my favorites. The only thing stopping me is that I haven’t had the chance to fit him into any of my current plots…yet.

How do you deal with writer’s block?

I have 2 favorite things to do. One is to just talk out the overall plot of the fic or story with a friend (that usually helps me fill and plot holes and get around blocks), or I go on a walk and run through the story in my head. That’s a great way to go about it.

If you wrote a story that was a fusion of two separate fandoms, which would they be?

Well, I’d also like to write a Kastle/Veronica Mars fusion, and damnit now I have another potential plot bunny to throw into my ALREADY FULL HUTCH DAMMIT.

@incognitajones’ questions:

What was the last book you read, and what did you think of it?

Fiction-wise, I recently re-read my one of my favorite easy reads, The Givenchy Code by Julie Kenner. It’s The DaVinci Code, but with fashion.

Are you a multishipper or an OTP type of fan?

It really depends on the fandom, but I tend to lean more toward OTP.

What’s a song you always sing along to?

Throwing it back to 2006: Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence since

If you could be adopted by a Star Wars character, who would it be?

None of the men.

But probably Padme or Sabe (#HandmaidensForLife)

A movie you can’t help but stop and watch when it’s on TV

Battleship. It has its problem, but it also has Taylor Kitsch.

What city/country would you really like to visit?

Japan and Australia. I’ve committed myself to traveling more now that I’ve left my job and started my own online business that lets me work from wherever I want.

If you had to live in a historical era (i.e. more than 50 years in the past), which would you choose?

Oh god, I don’t know if I could live without my laptop.

Would you rather be rich or have amazing talent in your chosen field?

You can have both.

That one little pet peeve you know is irrational but still bugs you

We don’t have time to list them all, but probably people who are bad at reading aloud. That’s been a big one since I was in school.

What’s a favourite small indulgence when you want to treat yourself?

Since cookie dough shops (like, places that are just like ice cream shops, but they sell edible cookie dough instead) are super in right now, there’s a shop around the corner from my place, and it’s super dangerous. I try to go only when I have something big to celebrate.

As a child, did you have a favourite toy or stuffed animal?

I had (and still have) a yellow blanket that’s super worn and threadbare and soft. It still lives with me in my bed. I’ve also had a stuffed cow since. Was 17 that’s traveled with me wherever I’ve lived. Including 10 months in Alabama.

And now, I’m going to tag for my 11 questions: @ck90, @the-restless-brook, @nxbodygoesafterher, @arms-and-arrows, @tuntematonkorppi, @heidiamalia, @ninzied, @thevampirecat, @ejunkiet, @kteague, and @jynirso (and anyone else who wants to answer.

Are you more of a Crowley or more Aziraphale?

What is your favorite fic you’ve ever read? (Give me recs, people!)

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve ever written?

If you had 8 million dollars to spend on your dream home, where would it be?

What is your Oh-Hell-No-est of NoTPs?

If money was no object, what would your career be?

What is a fandom you’ve never written for, but would like to?

One shots or series?

If you walked into a library and could not find a new book to read that tickles your fancy, what would your default be?

Are you afraid of clowns?

Do you prefer writing short-fic or long-fic?

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X21 AND 3X22 - “Snow Drifts” AND “There’s No Place Like Home”

Watch what happens when Miss Swan tries to EMMA-ncipate herself from Storybrooke! 

Bwahahahahah!!!!

Anyways, let’s do the time warp agaiiiiiiiinn!

You better WATCH yourself because we’re going back to revisit the Season 3 finale below the cut! XD

I’m sorry this is so late! Super Smash Bros Ultimate kind of stole my life for a few weeks, but I’m back now!

Press Release

While Mary Margaret and David celebrate the naming of their son at a coronation in Granny’s Diner, Emma and Hook are pulled into Zelena’s time portal and find themselves in the Enchanted Forest of the past. But in their quest to discover a way back, they must be careful not to change ANYTHING or risk altering the lives of their friends and family – as well as their very own existence.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past/Present/Everything (?) XD

“Back to the Future” is my all time favorite movie, so is it any surprise that I fucking love this two parter? No? Well, good! Now let’s talk about why!

Revisiting this finale really shows me just how many story and plot points were set up in those first few minutes in such a natural way. This is easily one of the tightest finales in the show’s history in that regard. The story and plot here is so well paced. Never does anything, even for a second feel off or poorly spoken or anything of the sort! It’s just good! The absolute best instance of this is the two Hooks scene. Like, that was just so fucking CRAFTY for how Killian and Emma organize and enact the plan to get Snow to work for him.

I like how the opening of the episode finally lays out all the cards: Emma’s decision to go back to New York is a selfish one. She plainly admits this and spells out why. It’s framed as a bad thing to do and the episode’s goal is to tackle that. It’s the heart of the episode and it’s incredibly effective thanks to those opening shots that show just how much pain Emma’s been in throughout her past.

Oh my fucking God, all of the actors are just amazing here! EVERYONE gets a great moment! I talk a ton about Emma and Jen, obviously, so let’s give a shoutout to the others! Robert Carlyle gets to put all of Rumple’s delicious character aspects on display, from Rumple’s silliness to Mr. Gold’s snarkiness to both of their more sympathetic sides. Lana gets some fucking delicious ham as we see her Season 1 Evil Queen come out! Josh pulls off the perfect mix between being everything that Prince Charming is supposed to be with a more modern snark that makes him human. The same goes for Ginny, though the placement of this episode has Snow showing off a more believably cynical side to the character, which she nails! Jared Gilmore performs a fantastic Henry, understanding though still always tugging at Emma to come and stay home. Emilie de Ravin’s heart and soul during the wedding scene is just so present, so much so that I just feel myself bursting out in tears throughout the whole scene. And Colin, who boy! Colin had to take on two versions of himself and every moment of that was just delicious!

”Lovely ball the other night.” ...Is this to say that there was a day break between Emma being caught by Regina’s guards and being put in her cell? It makes sense, but WOW! I never thought of it like that!

The execution scene. The fucking kills me. I know Snow’s alive, but I don't fucking care. I still feel every bit of that sense of dread and disgust as the fireball takes her. And how that affects Emma, she can barely speak and when even the possibility of Snow being alive comes to light, Emma’s immediately back to full energy! Emma’s love for Snow is such an effective driving force behind the solving of her conflict of finding home. The moment that choked me up this time was Emma shouting “you’re alive” to Snow right before hugging her. Just...and then we have to sit on the reaction when Snow doesn’t recognize her. It’s just too much.

And Emma’s revelation. I love how slow and emotional the moment gets to be as she tells Killian why she wants to stop running and how she values her mother and life in Storybrooke. It’s so heartbreaking and heartwarming in the same vein. It’s this gentle breakdown that understands that yes, Emma has been selfish, but she wants to do and be better for everyone, including herself. She wants to be like the rest of her family. She wants to be a part of something. And the smile on hers and Killian’s face as she comes to terms with that lesson...it’s just the best kind of payoff! And then the reunion, accompanied by that GORGEOUS melody as Emma finally remedies her behavior towards her parents. It’s one of the most beautiful moments in the entire show.

So let’s talk about Baby Neal briefly, or rather, his name. This is one of the most contentious points in the entire fandom. I...don’t love it (but don’t hate it), but only because Snow and Charming didn’t interact with Neal all that much. Had they had any meaningful time together, I think this naming would’ve been not only good, but great. Even still though, I don’t really care too much one way or the other. I’m one of those people who is completely fine with kids on this show being named after the dead. Maybe that’s because it’s the case in so much of the other media that I’ve seen throughout my life and apart of the Jewish culture I grew up with, but I don’t understand the fandom’s hangup with that reason for names. People are named after the dead. It’s not that big of a deal.

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-Guys, that is just cruel and unusual punishment to make all of the kids stand outside and watch a kid get adopted right in front of them. I get they’re trying to be polite and inspire hope, but they’ve GOT to know that that’s difficult for the non adopted kids to watch! Like, the actual fuck?!

-Dammit. The cameraman who kept the shot on Emma as she sees a kid driving off with a new family fucking is an evil genius and fucking WRECKS me! *sobs into infinity*

-Do you think Lucy had a coronation ceremony?

-Potluck at Granny’s, huh? I don’t know if that’s good because you’re thrusting less work onto Granny or bad because you’re denying her the business.

-Okay, I know Emma’s running away from her problems and all, but that retort about Snow and David stalling for time was fucking hysterical! XD

-Robin, that is one luxurious spread! But why are you guys sitting on the floor?! Don’t you know that Regina’s a queen and a bit more refined? XD

-”I would’ve walked through hell to be with my Marian again.” ...Dammit. I really want a Robin/Marian Underworld fic.

-”That [vault] was only for the most dangerous and unstable magic.” Then that sounds like a GREAT place for the dagger! “And this doesn’t qualify?” “No.” YES!

-To tell you the truth, I guess when you factor in both Rumple’s sacrifice AND the fact that he’s scary powerful, it makes sense that Maurice would bless the marriage. Like, he’s still a shit person, but the decision makes sense. I do feel though like they just stuck him in so that there was one extra person at the wedding, but I’d honestly think Ruby would’ve been a more appropriate choice since she was closer to Belle and even helped out Rumple on occasion, especially since she was actually in the episode.

-The entire back-and-forth about the origins of Snowing is the greatest thing in the world! XD

-KATHRYN! My sweet cinnamon roll!!! You look so happy and you’re talking with Best Matriarch!!! <3

-Okay! The Captain Cobra moment here is so fucking underrated! Henry trusts Killian with his fucking storybook! Like, this book just gave him back his memories and Henry trusts Killian with it to help his mom! Just...YES PLEASE!!!!

-”Stubborn like her...all of our family.” To be fair, have you MET your family, David? That correction is pretty accurate.

-”She would curb any homicidal tendencies.” ...I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works, mate!

-I love RC’s “oh shit” face.

-...To tell you the truth, now that we know Zelena survived, that corrupted footage isn’t that far off the mark.

-”You defeated the bloody Wicked Witch. You defeated Pan.” ...You’re not fully on the mark, Killian, but I do agree that she had a big part in taking them down.

-I LOVE THIS FUCKING MIRROR LAKE!

-Lana! Lana! There’s so much beautiful ham here and I love you for it!!! This scene where she’s intimidating the villagers! Just...this is perfection!

-BOOBS! I mean...Emma’s EF attire looks great! ...BOOBS! <3

-I just LOVE Emma’s smile as she watches the set up for her parent’s first meeting. Like, I legit reared up because that smile alongside the Snowing theme just...it was fantastic.

-”It’s a miracle you two fall for each other.” I love that ‘da fuq, Emma’ look Killian gives Emma.

-I love that look Killian gives Emma when he says “me.”

-...Damn, Killian looks good funny encased in shadows.

-And then he has to say “privacy” in only the way Killian Jones can do.

-”Ooh confidence. I like it.” And I like your confidence. ...Damnit, OUAT men! Stop being so attractive!

-Regina just ROCKS her every entrance!

-”It’s all about the tumblers.” I spell it differently, but I feel you, man. XD

-I love the way Neal describes his past with Rumple. The tragedy of their separation comes from the fact that they loved each other so much, but Rumple couldn’t overcome his demons in a way that could help them stay together.

-I LOVE this Captain Charming scene. The bros are so supportive of one another, though David doesn’t fully grasp who Killian is to him!

-”Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up with them again.” ...That hurrrrts!

-Ruby is such a badass!!!

-”Hook!” How strange must this nickname be to everyone else in this room?! XD

-*Snow sneaks up on Regina* Oh SNOW you didn’t!!! XD

-Aww! I love that Red Snow hug!!!

-You know, I really like the design of the trolls and am sad that they weren’t used more often.

-”I’m devilishly handsome again.” Yes you are!

-Gee! Is that urn important?

-I love both Rumple and Emma’s reactions to Neal’s name. That subtle happiness, especially on Rumple’s face, is just so beautiful!

-So I have so many feelings on Killian ‘ditching his crew.’ I actually wrote an entire fic about it. BUT that having been said, I think the choice he made was the right one.

-Archie, they’re getting married, not going ice skating. Wear a fucking suit!

-I can’t get as swept up in the OQ tragedy because Roland says “mama” and that is too fucking cute!

-Okay, that reveal of Elsa was SO FUCKING WELL SHOT! I love the slow buildup to her reveal, from the icy blue liquid in the urn to the forming of her dress to the shape of her hair to the dismissal of the liquid and finally, to the reveal of her powers! What an EPIC intro! Best one ever! Now I know you’re upset about that, Regina, but you just have to *takes deep breath* LET IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (And THAT’S how you close out a season!)

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

Emma Accepting Home - So look, I love how every season touches upon another aspect of Emma’s acceptance of people into her life, but on some level, I do get how the fandom got sick of it after a certain point. I firmly believe that this was the best and ultimate moment of culmination of this aspect of Emma’s character. That’s not to say that I didn’t like it in other seasons. Fuck no, I loved it in other seasons, but this was the best handling of it. The idea of those Emma loves and their philosophies on home and family all come together in this beautifully blended way. Emma’s parents, Henry, Killian, Neal, and more all contribute to her outlook on her life in Storybrooke and how her walls can be detrimental. And seeing Emma realize that makes for such a beautiful journey.

Killian’s Redemption - “That man sitting there, you don’t know him. Just be careful.” I feel like this line speaks to Killian’s improvement. He doesn’t want someone he cares for to see how lousy he was. And Killian’s redemption really gets its proper payoff here. With many of his past wrongs righted, Killian is finally given appreciation for helping get Emma back to Storybrooke. I think there’s an added layer to “you traded your ship for me.” Basically, Emma has to press him unyieldingly in order to find this out, meaning that he was never going to tell her on his own. He was willing to give up his home and have the act go anonymous.

Regina’s Redemption - ….Fuck. So, I’ve gone on about how I loved Regina’s Redemption this season. That is completely true. And this is where we take a GIANT step back. I GET that Regina feels resentment towards Emma. In this episode, it’s even at an okay level. BUT, going forward, this gives way to perhaps my least favorite Regina arcs. Thankfully, it only lasts for five episodes and I like the handling of it in the first four...you know what? We’ll talk about it when we get there! Apart from that aspect, I felt like Regina had reached a good place here! Her character is becoming more concrete.

Rumple’s Redemption - This is one of those episodes where Rumple’s decision to hide the real dagger and the truth about Zelena’s death makes things really sticky. And don’t forget, I was on his side for her death, but now’s the time to come forward! Apart from this aspect of it, something not at all glossed over in the episode itself, Rumple is framed as good. His wedding is a moment of character payoff and the happiness he feels as he gets married and Snowing’s son is named after Neal feels earned in a lot of ways. And the weirdest thing is that that’s Rumple for you: Undeniable someone with a big heaping helping of darkness, but a fuckton of character in there too. Like, this doesn’t ruin the episode by any means, but it’s there and it’s weird.

Neal’s Death - “Home is the place when you leave, you just miss it.” I think it was a fantastic story element to make one of the most poignant and thematically present lines in the episode something Emma learned from Neal. Not only that, but even some more of Neal’s minor advice comes in handy, like how to unlock the prison cell!

Favorite Dynamic

Emma and Killian. ...Look I work hard not to incorporate too much shipping into the meatier parts of the review and I’ll keep the romance out of it, I promise. So just give me this one. Cool beans? Cool beans. But seriously, I do actually have completely non-shippy reasons to love this dynamic as it works in this episode. For a time travel story to really work, there needs to be at the heart of it characters who know what’s going on and can interact with one another. It’s the most important dynamic in the story and if they fucked it up, the rest of the tale would’ve fallen apart, but thankfully, with Emma and Killian together, the special thrived. Killian and Emma both bring something to the table. Emma brings that fresh face and serves as a focal point for the story. Her naivete of some of the fairy tale elements and personal relationship to the people from the past is what keeps the story going and engaging. And Killian in a lot of ways helps to keep her grounded. While he cares deeply for Emma, his existence is not the one on the line and his lack of a familial relationship allows for some space between him and the events. He gets to be the clear thinker when Emma panics and her guide since this is his world as well as the voice of reason. And in return, Emma gets to perform the cool stunts, save people, and stand up to the past version of the Evil Queen. She even gets to save Killian’s ass in the case of royal balls and keeping his past self distracted. Together, they get to bounce around ideas, make jokes, and share moments of revelations that other characters in this episode aren’t and can’t be privy to. These two characters come together and make for a good and balanced dynamic for that reason. Additionally, Jen and Colin’s chemistry allows for a balance between things being lighthearted and serious when they need to be. Whether you like them as a couple or not, I don’t think it can be denied that they are the reason for why the main story was as entertaining as it was.

Writer

We have four writers here, two per episodes. David Goodman and Robert Hull worked on “Snow Drifts” and Adam and Eddy wrote “There’s No Place Like Home.” And they all did so freakin’ well! You can tell how careful these guys were with most every writing decision ever made. They managed to rework a fantastic episode, “Snow Drifts,” while still keeping to the dignity of it at the same time. It gels so well into also being a family story and allowing for as many fun character interactions as possible.

Rating

Double Golden Apple! What more can I honestly say? It’s as close to perfect as OUAT can get for me!

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

CAPTAIN SWAN, MOFOS! - THERE IS A REASON THIS BEAUTIFUL EPISODE IS CALLED THE CS MOVIE BECAUSE HOT DAMN IT IS A CS MOVIE!!!!! As I said in the “Favorite Dynamics” section, Killian is a constant source of support for Emma. He knows that she belongs with her family, respects her ideas, and challenges her. And just, let’s get through the moments, okay?! Like, he goes through a time portal for her! “One of these days, I’m gonna stop chasing this woman.” The fuck you are, buddy. You’re chasing her for all eternity! And just, he’s got her. He keeps her sane as she freaks out. He helps her relax. And just...the LOOKS he gives her! Like, look at how they joke around when Emma changes clothes, those little flirty looks! XD And speaking up, how about that loosening up of the corset and “you and I both know I’m his type?” Because that kills me. It utterly kills me! Someone drag my soul out of the Underworld because that scene destroys me in the best way possible! And the dude gets jealous of Emma kissing his past self, so fucking jealous that he needs to take his-fucking-self out! XD AND NOW WE GET TO THE BALL! THE FUCKING BALL THAT OWNS MY ETERNAL ASS! First, look at those smiles as Killian compliments Emma. THEN look at how Emma covers for Killian like a mofo’in boss! FINALLY, THE DANCING. IMMORTALIZED IN THE BOOK FOR ALL TIME IS MY FAVORITE CS MOMENT! EMMA GETS TO PLAY PRINCESS AND FEEL LIKE A ROYAL. KILLIAN GETS TO TREAT HER TO SUCH AND TEACH HER HOW TO WALTZ. AND THEY”RE SMILING AND HAVING SO MUCH FUN. IT”S PERFECT! HONESTLY PERFECT! Okay, I’m semi-recovered from that. Now, I also LOVE how Emma holds that ring to Killian and it looks just SO much like she’s proposing! And THEN “I’d go to the end of the world for her. Or time.” Just...you need to stop loving Emma so much because my heart cannot take it! And notice Emma’s smile when she says “Hook.” Then, we get an interesting callback to the Neverland Arc. When Emma asks Killian about his brother, Killian’s unwilling to talk about it, but here, knowing she needs that, he tells her what she needs to know. AND “I always knew there was a little pirate in you Swan.” She’s certainly getting there! And just...I love how Killian’s both harsh and gentle with Emma as she has her moment of realization. And THEN, Emma, after being with Killian for most of basically two or three days, goes out to see him again because he’s all alone! Just...the confession about giving up The Jolly Roger for love. I love how Killian never intended to reveal this and how Emma knows the weight of that choice. It just makes the subsequent kiss so satisfying!

Rumbelle - Oh yeah...There are other couples in this episode too! XD Sorry, but yes, I ADORED the Rumbelle in this episode. Like, in the past, I love how Rumple gets so embarrassed by Belle thinking that he talked about her and how he dismissed her. It’s so cute! And now, that wedding! That wedding! Just...what can I say about these vows? They’re perfect. The editing allows them to encompass every other couple while the lines are still completely their own and work perfectly for Rumbelle as a couple. Rumbelle is every other couple at their best and worst, a mix of best and worst traits and I feel like this wedding is a celebration of that fact. On a funnier note, I love how Rumple and Belle didn’t even wait for the fucking “I do’s” and just went at each other with  a kiss!

Outlaw Queen - Robin and Regina’s office picnic is so adorable and honest and open and beautiful! Like, they put everything on the floor, emotionally speaking.

Robin/Marian - Talking about Marian is difficult when you know that she’s actually Zelena, but this episode allows for her mostly to be herself, allowing for an accurate take on her. And to tell you the truth, I like this couple in a lot of ways. I love how much Robin misses Marian and that while he has moved on from her death, still cares for her so deeply. And Marian adores Robin! As soon as she’s free, she basically says “fuck it” to the stipulations of her freedom in order to be with him and Roland. Their love for each other is such a subtle and prevalent thing!

Snowing - Okay, so before we get to the past, let me say that I LOVE all of the Snowing banter at Granny’s! You can just TELL that a couple’s truly great when they can just joke and bicker about how they met and they have that down in SPADES! And in the past, I love the care that went into re-making Snowing’s story, but in a way that was still true to the original version. Though Emma, Killian, and Rumple are pulling the strings, Snow and Charming’s love is so carefully made to be all their own doing and that was so important. And I love the mix of new and old content so much. The repetition of lines just shows how true Snow and Charming’s love really is! And honestly, there’s something so special about Snow and Charming’s daughter being the one to bring them together!

Golden Hook - ...There’s so much FOETP goodness in here. Just, those hate-filled looks in the forest, that suffocation, the quips about burying the hatchet! There has never been true hate in all the lands! <3 Also, when Emma asks about how Killian got his hook, Killian’s next response is to say that she knows “who he is.” This hook and it’s origins, Rumple, are who he is.

Swanfire - That amusement park date was too cute and I really love how Neal’s advice is something that sticks with Emma. It shows Emma’s nuance as a character, as she can accept good and bad things about Neal, even during periods of time where she hated him. And I legit fucking BAWLED when Emma was telling Rumple about how she loved Neal and how he was a hero. Like, just...don’t talk to me! That was too much!

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Again, I am SO sorry this review took so long and wasn’t as deep as some of my others! Super Smash Bros, guys. Fucking dangerous. There was more that I wanted to talk about in this episode, but I’d rather you get the review than spend any more time! Thanks, as always, to @daensarah and @watchingfairytales!!! Love you guys so much!!! Hopefully, I can get the Overview done within the next few days and then we can get to season 4!!!!

Season 3 Total (207/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (59/60)* Kalinda Vazquez (34/40)* Andrew Chambliss (42/50)* Jane Espenson (28/30)* David Goodman (39/40)* Robert Hull (40/40)* Christine Boylan (20/20)* Daniel Thomsen (28/30)*

* Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Links to the rest of my rewatch will no longer be provided. They take posts with links outside of searches and I spend way too much time on these reviews to not give them that kind of exposure. Sorry for the inconvenience, but they still can be found on my page under Operation Rewatch.