#go when i tell you i could FEEL my heart SHATTER into a million tiny pieces here ..............................

[usertoxicyaoi]

[Then, what is it? How would I know if you don't tell me? I can't just let you go again like this without even knowing why.] It's because I feel ashamed! I feel ashamed that I'm broke and that my family has become poor. I'm struggling to earn a meagre income to be with you and to spend the day together. But I'm even ashamed to be happy for a second when I received an expensive gift. It was the same back then.

BOYS BE BRAVE (2024). EPISODE SIX.

[yanderecrazysie]

Hello can give Is it crime part two please 🙏

This was also requested a ton on Quotev and Wattpad. Don’t know why lol.

Title: Is It a Crime Part 2

Pairings: Todoroki Shoto x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, light swearing

Summary: Shoto isn’t fond of the quirk marriage his dad has arranged. At least, he didn’t think so at first.

Part 1: here

“Is it a crime

That I still want you?

And I want you to want me too

My love is wider, wider than Victoria Lake

My love is taller, taller than the Empire State

It dives, it jumps, and it ripples like the deepest ocean

I can't give you more than that, surely, you want me back”

-from “Is It a Crime” by Sade

You’d never seen Shoto so desperate.

The red-and-white haired man was near tears when he arrived at your door and, in wordless shock, you let him in. The typically emotionless male had never shown this much emotion to you and it made you feel a little unnerved.

“I made a mistake,” Shoto said, “Please, sign the wedding contract again. We can get married and… be happy together.”

You only miss people when they’re gone. That saying rang true here more than ever. You had left his sorry self behind and he must have regretted driving you away. 

But that didn’t take back what you’d heard from him and how you’d been treated. It didn’t take back the feelings of disappointment and humiliation, the constant wishing that things would be different and the depression that followed when you realized things would never change.

Every day in that mansion had been awful, pointless, and heart-breaking. As soon as you had gotten home, you were sure you were in the right place.

You never thought you’d see Todoroki Shoto ever again.

Who’s to say that, once you went back, everything would be fine? What if everything went back to the way it was? What if he was only asking because you were a live-in maid and chef to him, and he just missed that? 

Either way, the answer was clear.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that,” you said softly, “I don’t want to marry you.”

Shoto flinched like he’d been shot. His eyes went wide for a moment before narrowing in anger.

“You’re going to sign the contract,” He reiterated. 

“No, I’m not. I’m not going back to that life, Shoto. I was miserable in that mansion and I’m not going to willingly walk back into it.”

Shoto stopped for a second, then spat, “Who said anything about ‘willingly’?”

Your expression turned stormy and you spun around, ready to walk away from him. He was a lost cause- a child throwing a tantrum. No way were you going to stick around and humor him.

Suddenly, a wall of ice appeared in your path. Shocked, you turned around to find Shoto with his right arm out as though he was pushing something invisible. 

Fury shot through you like a white-hot knife. Reaching your own hand out, you pressed it against the smooth ice and focused your energy into it.

The giant ice wall shattered into millions of tiny pieces in an instant. You felt a rush of grim victoriousness when you saw Shoto’s wide-eyed expression. He had never bothered to ask what your quirk was, and you had never bothered to tell him.

“If you don’t mind,” you said hotly, “I’ll be leaving now.” 

Shoto responded with a low growl and an air push from his left hand. Now, a wall of fire blocked your path.

“What the hell, Shoto?” you screamed, “You’re going to burn my house down!”

“I don’t care,” came the cold response. Shoto’s heterochromatic glare bored into you and you felt tears well up in your eyes. This was your childhood home! Your parents lived here! You lived here!

You ran to the kitchen and searched for a bowl big enough to fill with water. You had to put out the fire and fast, before it got out of control and burned this place to the ground. But as soon as you had surfaced, holding a mixing bowl victoriously, Shoto made a wall of fire that cut you off from the sink. 

You fled the house, tears running down your face as you abandoned the place you grew up. There was nothing you could do now except run away from Shoto.

But there was no escape. Every way you turned, you were met with fire, until the only way to run was to the red-and-white haired man. Tearfully, you trudged back to him, disappointment weighing heavily on your shoulders.

“You still can’t force me to sign that document,” you said sharply.

“We’ll see about that, (Y/n). We’ll see.”

[justalittlelilac]

My brother and his wife just welcomed another bundle of joy into the world, throwing me into the esteemed ranks of aunthood for the third time (cue the confetti and party horns! 🎉🎊)

Anyway, this got my brain running wild about how each of the love interests in OLBA might react to you having baby nieces or nephews (or 'niblings' for a more gender-neutral term) if you don't already have children:

Cove:

Ugh, Cove. Our adorable beach bum. Much like all of my headcannons for this man, his reactions shift depending on his age. The younger the Cove, the more nervous he'd be around the tiny one. However, regardless of age, I can picture him approaching the situation with all the caution of a skittish cat.

When asked if he wanted to hold the baby, he'd likely stammer a quick "No, thanks!" before immediately backpedaling with guilt. Eventually, he'd cave and accept the precious cargo, muttering something like, "They're so small... Are they supposed to be this small? Were you this small?"

Bless his heart, Cove would treat the baby like a Fabergé egg—utterly convinced that one wrong move could shatter the little one into a million pieces. He hasn't been around babies, and because it's an unfamiliar situation, he's unsure of himself. But fear not! As time passes, our surfer boy gradually realizes that babies are surprisingly resilient little creatures, capable of surviving the occasional awkward hold or accidental bump.

Once comfortable, Cove would transform into the ultimate cool uncle. I can just picture him and Elizabeth locked in a heated debate about the appropriate age to introduce the baby to surfing. "What do you mean two is too young? They'll be walking by then... right?" He'd whisper to you, panic in his eyes, "That is when babies start walking, right?"

Later that night, you'd find Cove hunched over his laptop, furiously Googling "baby milestones" and "safe surfing for two year olds."

His favorite pastime would become riling up Elizabeth with outrageous statements like, "Someone's gotta teach this kid the finer points of life. We can't have them growing up preferring some stuffy mansion over the sweet, sweet sound of crashing waves like someone we know." Elizabeth would roll her eyes so hard you'd worry they might get stuck, insisting there's not a snowball's chance in Hawaii of that happening.

And when he sees you with baby? Well, we can just say that the warmth that spreads through his chest is undeniable when he looks at you with so much love. Whether or not you are planning for children, it just makes him happy to see you happy with the new member of your family.

(My Cove route MC would be handing the baby back to Elizabeth, making some excuse that she and Cove had to leave early if she caught him staring like that 😏)

Derek:

Fine gentlepeople of the audience, I present to you: Derek in Uncle Mode. He has run the gauntlet and can't help going into helper mode as soon as you both walk into the door. Swooping in like a superhero, except instead of a cape, he's holding a casserole dish and wearing a "World's Best Uncle" shirt he was jokingly gifted but wears like a badge of honor.

Derek's already firing off questions like an interviewer on caffeine. "How's the baby sleeping? Do you need help with laundry? I brought a casserole! Oh, and I've memorized some lullabies and learned some baby sign language if needed!"

It's only when you, Elizabeth, or one of his family members (if the baby belongs to one of his siblings) tells him to slow down that he finally stops to meet the baby. He is immediately taken with them.

He offers to hold the baby so parent can rest or get anything done. He's cooing and making faces that would be embarrassing if they weren't so darn endearing. "Look at those cheeks! And that hair! Man, it's crazy how small they are! Y'know, they look a lot like me//you. So cool."

His enthusiasm is infectious. Of course, he involves you, asking if you want to hold the baby, saying how guilty he feels for hogging them. Total natural. Are we even surprised? This man loves his family, both his and yours, and having this time with you and his family will never get old. It fills him with a contended happiness he can't find anywhere else.

Prepare yourself for Derek to become a fixture at every family gathering, armed with a camera and a determination to document every sneeze, giggle, and adorable baby fart. He's already wanting to help plan the kid's first birthday party, complete with a petting zoo, bouncy castle, and a cake bigger than the baby.

When the little one gets older, don't be surprised to find Derek passed out on the couch after an epic play session, covered in glitter glue and sporting a tiara. It's a look that screams "Best Uncle Ever," and he wears it with pride. (I'm going to pass out from how cute that looks in my head help)

Baxter:

Now, Baxter's reactions are much trickier for me to pin down. At first glance, you might mistake him for a casual observer, watching from the sidelines, uninvolved, with that trademark soft smile of his. Very similar to the way he is in groups. It's not that I think Baxter wouldn't like babies; I'm just not convinced if he would have a tremendous outward affection for babies that are not his own, y'know?

But don't let it fool you — where Baxter would shine is in any outing. The man is on top of it. A Swiss Army Knife of baby preparedness. By nature of his profession, he would be keyed into many different things event-oriented.

Need to know the best time to visit the zoo to avoid crowds? Baxter's got a color-coded chart for that. Looking for a family-friendly restaurant that won't turn up their noses at a screaming infant? Baxter's already made reservations at three different places, just in case.

When it comes time for a family day out, Baxter shows up with a backpack that would put Mary Poppins to shame. Diapers? Check. Snacks? Check. First aid kit, portable fan, and a small library of children's books? Triple check.

I'm talking itinerary, scheduled bathroom breaks, and located family area so baby can be fed. He probably scoped out the location during his workday to know where everything was. He can't help working off the clock, it seems.

Now, he'd try to be subtle and respectful with all of this, not wanting to step on toes or upset your sister. He'd make sure to offer his services and back off if he was told no, but it's useless to try and get him to relax if it's just the two of you.

As the baby grows into a toddler, Baxter's true colors start to shine through. Leave him alone with the kid for an hour, still having that slightly interested, amused smile on his face, and you'll come back to find him covered in stickers, wearing a makeshift cape, and fully committed to his role as "Sir Baxter, Knight of the Pillow Fort."

It turns out that your niece or nephew has unlocked a side of Baxter that even he didn't know existed – his inner child. In these moments, you catch glimpses of the carefree childhood Baxter never had. A kid at heart who didn't really get to be a kid, and your niece or nephew gives him that space to be one with abandon.

And there you have it! Now, I'm gonna go brush my teeth, because I now have cavities from how sweet these three are in my head. (I need someone more skilled than me to draw these scenarios omggg)

[webslingingslasher]

tw: depression

hey! i was wondering, how would peter react or take care of reader with depression? can be either nerdy or frat peter or any peter rly :)

sorry i am very much kinda really going thru it rn 😞

felt that. depression is fucking brutal, anon. i'm here for you and i hope you're taking care of yourself for now.

--

you don't move when your window opens. you haven't moved for hours, you couldn't draw up enough energy to turn or eat, or breathe. the wall in front of you hasn't changed, it's been a blank slate of emptiness. just like the pit inside you.

'i know you're not sleeping.' it's teasing, your heart doesn't have it in you to perk up. you don't feel excited peter showed up, nothing could top the numbness that's burrowed its way into your chest and mind.

'you haven't texted me back all day, i was about to send a smoke signal.' your bones feel sharp, the idea of rolling over to face him stings, you think you'll shatter into a million pieces. you have nothing left to give, even talking seems exhausting.

'baby?' peter knows somethings wrong, he thinks he knows what's wrong. you had a good stretch, it had been months before the depression caught up and sent you bedrotting.

peter can't imagine how it feels for you, but for him, watching you go through this, kills him inside.

your mattress sinks, you close your eyes when peter reaches out for you, his hand on your skin is the most warmth you felt all day. it's peter; your rock, your safety net, your protector.

you think it's the first time you've talked all day. you had a permanent lump in your throat and you knew just by opening your mouth the tears would start.

but it's okay, because peter is here.

'i'm really sad today.' it's all it takes, your shoulders shake with your sobs, how could you feel everything and nothing all at once? peter's soft whispers have you curling into yourself. you don't deserve him, he doesn't deserve this.

'oh, honey.' it's full of love, his nose brushes your shoulder like a puppy asking to be pet. 'wanna give me a hug?' your voice wavers on your answer, it's raw and scratchy, begging to be hydrated, you don't think you've even had water today.

'yes, please.' your cheeks feel sticky but peter's holding you tightly, yet softly, it's like he's trying to hold you together. it's working. 'i'm sorry.' you feel bad. you should be more for him.

'don't be. i want to be here for you, and when you can only give twenty percent, i've got the other eighty. i love you. always and forever. no matter what.'

he needs to add the end, he needs to because he knows how it weighs down in your mind. how you've told him over and over it's unfair he has to put up with this and how he doesn't deserve what you bring to the table.

peter told you he's got a big fucking table and it's got more than enough room for your "mess." you don't say the silent part out loud anymore but he knows you still think it. peter would never admit it to you, but sometimes he really hates your brain and the way it thinks about yourself when your depression sets in.

it's selfish, you hate it about yourself but you need a reason to keep going.

'can you tell me how sad you would be if i died?' to anyone else it would sound morbid, to peter it means you're feeling better. peter slightly rocks you in his lap, he hums like he needs to think.

'you think you're depressed? just you wait, i'll make this look estatic.' a smile teases, he's determined to get you laughing. 'i mean it. i'd be on my knees, tears and snot all over my face, holding your hand at your funeral. i'd probably throw myself down the hole with you.'

it works, it's minuscule but you gave him a real smile and a tiny laugh. it's because you're picturing the teary-snotted face he'd be sporting and he's totally okay with that.

peter presses kisses over your hairline, he's speaking from the heart and you can feel it.

'because if you're not living, i wouldn't have a reason to either.' 

[itzsana-kiddingmenow]

ᴛᴡ: hurt/comfort, minho is a sweetheart, pinning, rough tickles, threats (min being min), and care

ᴀ/ɴ: @hearted-anon THIS THING WAS KINDA INSPIRED BY YOUR REQUEST but i did change a lot so plsss don’t hate me 😭

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕: @someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae @jeonginsdiary @leeknowstan33 @v--143 @wereallgonnadieonedaybutnottoday @inkytornpagess @lajanaa @a-wild-seungberry @channieissocute125 @soap143 @seungsluvv @skznccmlee @moony-9 @sunny-117

Hyunjin had a knack for knowing when something wasn’t right. He always had this quiet intuition when it came to his members, a gentle pull that told him when one of them needed someone to lean on. Tonight, it led him to the dance practice room. 

The dorms were silent, but Hyunjin knew better than that, knowing so many of the members preferred to cry alone, not under the eye of anyone else. 

He stopped at Minho’s room. 

He stopped, hand hovering over the doorknob. The thought of leaving Minho alone crossed his mind, but something tugged at his heart, telling him to go in.

Pushing the door open slightly, Hyunjin peeked inside. His hyung sat on the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees, face hidden in his hands. His shoulders were tense, like he was carrying the weight of the world, and the usually composed and stoic Minho seemed...too small. 

Hyunjin crossed the room quickly after closing the door, and Minho didn’t even try to hide his pain, Hyune sitting next to him and holding Min against his chest tightly. “Hey, hyung…you okay?” 

Minho shook his head; He wasn’t the type to lie about it (unlike a certain leader), and he knew nothing would pass Hyunjin’s impeccable senses. 

Minho didn’t move, but Hyunjin noticed the slight tremble in his fingers as they gripped his hair. Hyunjin’s heart ached seeing his hyung like this, knowing how much Minho liked to bottle things up and keep everything hidden behind that cool, unbothered mask.

Hyunjin rubbed circles down Min’s back, gently kissing the top of his hyung’s head as he tried to comfort the kitten. The younger knew that Minho had a habit of cracking under pressure. He needed to be gentle. 

Min inhaled sharply, trying to compose himself, but the cracks in his usual calm were too clear. Hyunjin could hear the hitch in his breath, the way his body seemed to fight to stay still. He wasn’t okay, and they both knew it.

“I’m fine—” Minho mumbled, his voice tight, but the way he said it felt hollow. There was no strength behind his words, no real conviction, and that’s when Hyunjin knew Minho wasn’t just hurting—he was breaking. Cracking and shattering perfectly into millions of pieces under the heavy pressure of daily life, unable to keep it above him. 

“You’re not.” Hyunjin whispered firmly, keeping his voice soft. He reached out, placing a gentle hand on Minho’s. “You know you don’t have to be…not around me. You don’t have to be okay. Just lean on me.”

For a moment, Minho didn’t say anything. He stayed in that rigid, frozen position, his hands still gripping his hair, his face hidden. But Hyunjin was patient, his thumb gently rubbing circles on Minho’s palm as he waited. The silence stretched between them, heavy with unspoken words, until finally, Minho let out a shaky breath.

“I’m so…so tired of everyone.” Minho’s beautiful eyes filled to the brim, and Hyunjin could feel his heart slowly breaking as Minho’s lips trembled. “I’m tired of myself, too…”

Hyunjin inhaled, hurt flashing through his head. How could he think so badly of himself when to me, he’s the most beautiful person on Earth? When he’s my everything, my always? When he’s there to pick me up, but never lets anyone reciprocate? 

Minho’s breath hitched again, his body trembling as if he was fighting the urge to cry. Hyunjin could feel the tension in him, the way he was holding himself back, not wanting to break in front of someone else. But Hyune wouldn’t let him suffer alone.

“Just…let me care for you, too, okay?” 

Minho looked at Hyunjin’s eyes, and ever last tiny bit of composure shattered, his walls crashing down on him as his chest heaved with sobs, how his quiet strength was crumbling right in front of him., Hyune immediately letting Min cry on his shoulder. He needed this. 

Minho didn’t resist. He leaned into the embrace, burying his face in Hyunjin’s shoulder as the dam broke, and the tears finally came.

Hyunjin stroked his back, his fingers tracing soothing patterns, whispering soft reassurances as Min cried into him. 

He could feel the weight of his hyung’s exhaustion, the emotional strain that had been building for so long. It hurt to see someone as strong as Minho fall apart, but at the same time, Hyunjin was glad Minho was letting himself feel it.

Minho’s sobs quieted after a while, but the sadness lingered in the air. Hyunjin pulled back slightly, just enough to meet Minho’s eyes. They were red and puffy, tears still clinging to his lashes, and Hyunjin gave him a soft smile, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb.

“There he is…” Hyunjin cooed. “You know, you’re kind of cute when you cry.”

Minho let out a choked laugh, shaking his head. “Shut up, Hyunjin.”

But Hyunjin wasn’t done yet. He smiled mischievously, his hand trailing down to Minho’s side. “You know what would cheer you up?”

Minho raised an eyebrow, still sniffling. “What?”

“This.” Hyunjin’s fingers dug into Minho’s side, squeezing gently but effectively. Minho let out a startled yelp, his body jolting in surprise as he tried to pull away.

“Nononono—You can’t be serious!” Minho cried out as he backed up, scooting away from Hyunjin as far as he could until his back hit the headboard of his bed. 

Hyunjin, knowing Minho was weaker when he was on his stomach, grabbed his wrists and twisted them behind Min’s back, making Minho gasp as Hyunjin pinned them agaisnt his back and pressed him into the mattress, much like how a police officer catches their criminal. 

“Gotcha~”

Minho yelped, legs kicking frantically behind Hyune. His body twisted and writhed, but with his arms pinned behind his back, he had nowhere to go. Hyunjin’s grip was firm, his fingers digging into every inch of Minho’s side, from his hips to his ribs, exploring every sensitive spot he could find.

“NOHOHOHOHO!!” Minho squealed, sudden laughter pouring from him as Hyunnin abused every sensitive spot on Minho’s poor body, moving his hands quickly and shuffling across the skin, making Minho twist frantically with high cackles. 

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!” Minho howled in frustration, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks. “YOU’RE SO MEAN!!” 

“Oh, really?” Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh at how instantly desperate poor Minho sounded. “Kinda hard to do that when the only thing you’re able to right now is laugh. And laugh, and laugh more.”

Minho shrieked in desperation, his eyes wide and teary as his red cheeks were stretched into an uncontrollable smile. His laughter was loud and desperate, each squeal sounding more frantic than the last as Hyune’s fingers pressed deeper into that tender spot between his ribs and armpits. 

“Ohoho my GAHAHAHAHAD NOHOHOT THEHEHERE!! NOHOHOT THEHEHEHEHEHERE!!” Minho lost it, tears of happiness trailing down his face and into the pillow as he squirmed side to side, bucking hysterically when Hyune moved to his back ribs. 

“Do you promise to come to me everytime you’re feeling down?”

“YEEHEHEHEHES!! YES HYUHUNJIN STOP I CAHAHANT LAHAHAUGH ANYMORE!!”

Hyune, laughing at his hyung, let go of Minho, who slumped into the mattress immediately and fell asleep against Hyunjin’s chest. 

“Such a ticklish little thing~”

Hopefully Hyune didn’t get his mouth stuffed with tissues. 

divider & header made by me! comments are appreciated but not required! <3

[mutilatemyheart]

Summary: You haven't heard from Fixer since the almost kiss. Now's he's at your door asking to come in. Warnings: There's like one curse word. Pairing: Fixer x fem!reader Word Count: 1169

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The overhead light buzzes like an irritated insect in your tiny room. Your caf has long gone cold, and the grey walls aren’t doing much to improve your mood. You’re not sure which is worse: the constant annoying sound that seems to seep into your skin or the waiting. You know they’re back on Coruscant. Scorch had sent you a transmission that their campaign had been a success, and they would ‘be back on Triple Zero in two rotations.’ Of course, it had been Scorch to let you know. You haven’t heard from Fixer in weeks. Not since the almost kiss in the medbay. You two have been teetering on the edge of something more than friends, but now, you’re not sure where you stand with him. Had he decided that he didn’t want to be with you after all? Had Vau discouraged him from being with you? You wish he’d just tell you what happened.

You’re half-tempted to go search for him yourself. Even if it is just a quick glance at a distance, you’ll feel better putting your eyes on him. Just to make sure he’s okay, of course. It’s not like you have to speak to him or approach or –

Two sharp knocks on your door echo around you. Crossing the room on shaky legs, you stand by the control panel and wait to see if they knock again. The last time someone knocked on your door, it was Sev telling you that Fixer was injured. Is that why he hasn’t contacted you? 

They knock again, and you hit the buttons to open it. Peeling green paint on white Katarn armor greets you. Fixer’s helmet is tucked under his right arm, and he stares back at you with tired brown eyes. Damn your stupid heart for beating so loudly.

“May I come in?” he asks.

His voice is calm and steady, and if he’s nervous, he’s hiding it well. So, why is your stomach in knots? Why do you feel like his words have the ability to shatter you into a million pieces at his feet? Your heart is just another target waiting for him to eliminate.

You nod and step back to let him enter. He takes in the cramped quarters that the GAR has given you. He keeps his back to you as if looking at you again might be dangerous. You focus your eyes on the glowing blue “40” on his backpack and cross your arms.

“Is there something you need, Fixer?” You try to match his tone.

He releases a deep breath, his shoulders rising and falling. It almost seems like he’s readying himself to take on an opponent. He turns to face you and takes a step forward but changes his mind and retreats backward again.

“I know every GAR regulation. I know protocol for every situation on the battlefield. I could calibrate my Deece blinded if I had to.” He moves to place his helmet on the little table that had been given to you for a desk. He stares down into the t-visor as if it will tell him what to say to you. “I’m a good soldier, but I don’t know how to be anything else.”

You open your mouth to tell him that he’s so much more than a soldier, but he continues before you can speak.

 “There aren’t guidelines or textbooks for what to do when you’re in love with someone, and Sergeant Vau sure as hell didn’t teach us. I can’t prepare for this, and I don’t know what I’m doing and that scares me.”

In love with someone.

You try to bite back your smile as you close the gap between you. He balls his hands into fists against the table top.

“I think that may be the most you’ve ever said to me at one time,” you joke, trying to lighten his mood.

Fixer sighs and rolls his eyes.

“But if it makes you feel any better,” you continue. “No one ever really knows what they’re doing when it comes to love. We just do our best and hope that’s enough.”

“No, that doesn’t make me feel better,” he mutters.

“What do you want to do, Fixer?” You run your fingers gently along his jawline and give him what you hope is an encouraging smile. “Just say what you want. That’s all you have to do.”

He swallows thickly, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. Having a choice in life wasn’t something a clone was used to, and this is something he has to decide for himself. There are no COs or Jedi telling him what to do. Had he discussed this with his brothers? Do the other Deltas know that he’s awkwardly standing in your room telling you that he’s in love with you? Had they encouraged him to tell you? They all know how you feel about their brother. It’s not a secret you kept well hidden.

“Any relationship we could have would end in tears,” Fixer says. He relaxes his hands and places them palm down on the table. “Probably yours. I wasn’t created for a long life even if I do survive the war. But… if the opportunity is still available to see where this catastrophe leads us, I’d like to see it through to the end.”

 You laugh, unsure of whether this is the best way you’ve ever been asked to be with someone or the worst. Does he truly think there is no chance for you two to have a happy ending? You hope not, but if he does, you’ll just have to make him believe otherwise. He deserves to be happy.

“The opportunity is still available. I can take the pain if this doesn’t end how we want it to. You’re worth it. Any time I’m given with you is worth it.”

He gives you a rare smile. “Uh, so, what is protocol in this situation?”

 You tilt your head and pretend to debate your answer. “Hmm. Well, you could kiss me,” you suggest.

“Yes, sir,” he breathes.

He leans toward you but stops just short of placing his lips to yours. His eyes search your face as if silently asking if this is really what you want. If he is really what you want. You grab the back of his neck and pull him in the rest of the way, your lips melding together in a clumsy kiss. His hands find your hips to ground himself. Or maybe he wants to be sure this is real. Please, you think to yourself, let this be real.

He breaks the kiss and places his forehead to yours.

“Scorch was right,” he whispers, his breath a ghost on your skin. “I should have done that a long time ago.”

“We have all night to make up for lost time,” you whisper back, afraid to break the bubble of peace that you two have found.

“And I don’t plan on wasting any of it.”

He pulls you in again.

[crazyunsexycool]

Worthy of love

Pairings: Thor x Jane Foster, plus-size!reader x OMC!Matt, Jane x OMC!Matt, Thor x plus-size!reader

word count: 9.8k

summary: you discover that your husband is cheating on you and you decide you’re going to leave him. Before you do that you tell the other person being hurt by the betrayal.

warnings: cheating, implied pregnancy, mentions of miscarriage, talk of having children, insecure reader, angst, smut, oral (both m and f receiving), p in v, ( I think that’s everything)

A/N: my first time writing a Thor fix please be kind but I’ve worked on it for weeks and I’m super excited to finally share it. Also first time writing plus sized reader!

8 years together wasted. 

There was no real feeling at first, not as you looked at your husband’s work phone lighting up with sexts from his coworker. A woman that not only you had met during a work holiday party months ago but you became friends with quickly. You confided in her when you had a miscarriage. She had your back when you decided to go back on birth control because you were scared of going through that again. Told her how insecure you felt because you had gained weight and were afraid Matt wouldn’t find you attractive. She had been kind and supportive but by the looks of these messages they had been fooling around since before the holiday party. It was almost as long as your husband, Matt, had been employed there. 

The only reason you even saw these messages was because he went out to the store and forgot his phone. The incessant pings made you grab it from the kitchen counter. You were only going to silence it but the screen lit up and you saw the first one. Matt was predictable so guessing his passcode wasn’t difficult. Once you looked through the messages you took screenshots of everything and sent them to yourself, then deleted all evidence that you had even touched it. For a moment you worried that he would see the message and realize there was no notification but she messaged a few more times so you were safe. A few minutes later Your husband walks through the door with the snacks he went to buy for himself, he grabs the phone off the counter and walks into his study without so much as a look in your direction. 

It makes sense now, how dismissive and distant he had been and the lack of sex or any type of affection really. It was all falling into place, how quickly your relationship had died. But somehow it still hadn’t hit you. Not when you went to bed and he kissed your cheek. You couldn’t bring yourself to be upset as he fell asleep next to you without a care in the world. There was absolutely no guilt on his part. Sleeping was out of the question as you meticulously pulled apart your relationship. If only you could pinpoint the moment in which everything went awry, maybe you could understand. As the night went on and you sat against the headboard and you listened to the snores of the man that was supposed to love you the only question you had was, did you want to fix it?  

You weren’t sure, the sun’s rays peeked through the curtains, letting you know you had spent the night awake. Silently you made your way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to make coffee. A few minutes later Matt walked out and dressed in a Henley and jeans. It was Saturday so you didn’t have any plans but then again just because you didn’t have plans doesn’t mean he didn’t. 

“Coffee?” You ask as you grab his mug. Maybe you could talk to him before he left.

“No, I have to head out. I’ll see you later. Love you.” He said, giving you a kiss on the temple and heading out the door. 

That’s when the reality of the situation hits you like a freight train. The man that you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with was out with another woman. You had proof in the messages. How could he possibly love you? His mug fell from your hand, shattering into a million tiny pieces just like your heart. You cover your face with your hands and cry. The pain is rooted deep, and as much as you try you can’t seem to catch your breath. Tears flow against your will and your shoulders shake uncontrollably as you stand in the kitchen wrapped up in a robe. It’s the only thing that provides warmth in this now cold house. How had you not noticed before? 

 After what felt like hours you finally get your breathing under control and you make your way to the bathroom. You can’t even look at yourself in the mirror afraid of what you’ll find reflected back to you. Matt always hated that you would sometimes focus more on your job than him. Was he angry that you had a miscarriage? Had he blamed you for it? Or that you decided to wait to try for a kid again because you were afraid it would happen again? Did he regret being with a bigger woman? How many flaws could you find if you looked up to the mirror? Would you see the reasons he did it? You didn’t know, still what he did was wrong no matter how he felt. But doubt loves to take control and just make you wonder what it was that you did wrong and not why Matt couldn’t just talk to you. 

Once you finished washing your face you cleaned up the shattered mug and sat on the couch in the living room. With your phone in hand you began to look at the screenshots you had sent yourself to really understand what was happening between them and to figure out what your next move would be. One thing was certain: staying married wasn’t an option anymore.

The rest of the weekend went by in a flash. Matt barely spent time in the house. Now that you knew you wondered how you didn’t notice before. He left his work phone on his nightstand this time and you could hear the vibration alerting to another message. You had promised yourself that you wouldn’t do it again but you couldn’t help yourself. Poking your head out into the hallway you listen to see if Matt is in the house or if he’s still out in the garage. After not hearing anything you grab the phone and look over the messages to see them making plans. Those plans give you an idea, you take another screenshot and put the phone back. 

A month went by since you discovered that Matt had been cheating. You had a plan in your head and it was time to go through with it. The private investigator that you hired had sent you everything you needed and you had already contacted a lawyer.

When Monday morning rolls around you stay in bed, having already decided to call in sick to work. Matt walks around the room getting ready for the day and as he’s about to leave he looks over at the bed to find you watching him.

“Aren’t you going to work?” He looks slightly annoyed. 

“I don’t feel good. I was going to call off.” 

“Oh ok.” He says before leaving for the day. 

Before all of this he would have walked over and checked for a fever, asked what exactly were you feeling and even offered to stay home or leave work early to get you medicine and take care of you. You stay in bed for a while and allow yourself to cry again. This week is going to be intense to say the least and you have to get yourself mentally prepared for it. You haven’t even told any of your family or friends. The shame you feel is overwhelming, how could you possibly tell anyone? 

Well there was one person you could and would tell. In fact it’s why you were standing in front of Odinson Inc. to talk with the CEO and the husband of your husband’s lover Jane. You had talked yourself up on the way to the company but now that you stood near the front doors you asked yourself if you should tell him but if the roles were reversed you would want them to tell you. 

“Are you ok?” A deep voice asked besides you and you recognized it immediately.

Thor. 

You looked up at the blond. His hair was longer than the last time you’d seen him and he had it half tied up. The navy suit he wore was tailored to perfection and fit like a second skin. How could anyone cheat on someone like him? 

“Y/N?” 

“Yes, I'm fine.” You close your eyes and take a deep breath before looking back up and meeting Thor’s eyes. “Actually I’m not and I was wondering if I could talk to you. It’s a very important and personal matter.” You added when you saw his assistant get closer. 

“Well any friend of Jane is a friend of mine, please let’s go inside.” He motions for you to go ahead before turning to his assistant and telling him to hold his calls.

You and Thor reach the elevator banks and he again motions for you to step inside. He looks at you offering a reassuring smile, one that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle. You started to feel guilty even though you hadn’t been the one to sleep with his wife. In that moment as the elevator ascended you wondered what was wrong with both of you for your respective significant others to cheat on you. The elevator doors open and you step out and follow Thor down the hall and into his massive office. Was everything that he had this huge? Maybe.

“Please have a seat. I was just going to order lunch, why don’t you join me?” 

“No thank you, I'm not really hungry.” You moved to sit on the deep red couch in the lounge area he had.

“Ok.” He moves to sit across from. “So what is troubling you?” 

You open your mouth to speak but you fall short. How are you supposed to start this conversation? Tears threaten to spill as you look at him, his brows furrowed with concern as he looks at you. 

“I’m sorry.” You choke out as you try to contain your tears. Thor moves around to sit next to you, grabbing a box of tissues from the coffee table and holding it out for you. “Thank you.”

“No worries, take your time.” 

“I don’t really know how else to say this. And I really am so sorry but I just thought you deserved to know and if it were the other way around I would want you to tell me.” 

“What do you wish to tell me?” 

“Jane is cheating on you.” There, it’s out in the open. You watch him, trying to see some kind of emotion but he’s difficult to read.

“I’m sorry Y/N but I must ask you to leave. I will not tolerate you talking about my wife like that. Isn’t she your friend?” His tone is clipped, anger evident on his face. Thor moved away from you as if you’d burned him.

“I thought she was, but she’s sleeping with my husband.” You add. 

Thor is silent, he stands and walks over to the bar, pouring himself a drink and downing it in one go. He pours himself another and turns to look at you. Waiting for something, for you to say it was a cruel joke or worse to show him evidence.

“I found text messages on his supposed work phone first. So I hired a private investigator. I can show you everything.” 

Unable to say a word Thor nods. You know what he’s feeling, the numbness almost as if someone dumped ice water on you. The PI you hired gave you multiple copies of everything and you prepared an envelope for him. Thor crosses the space again and grabs it, he paces as he looks through it. His grip on the pictures tighten and his jaw is clenched. The more he reads and looks at the pictures his wife sent your husband and vice versa the angrier he gets. 

“How long have you known?” 

“I found out a month ago, the last Friday of the month. She wouldn’t stop texting him.” 

“Friday?” He lets out a humorless laugh. 

“Yes. Why?”

“We were celebrating our anniversary. But during the whole evening I couldn’t get her off the phone.” He said.  

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” He turns to look at you with a frown. “They cheat on us and you’re the one who’s sorry?” 

“For telling you. I don’t know, I thought if it were me I would want to know. I should have thought this through.” 

Thor’s rage filled eyes soften as he looks at you. The way your shoulders sagged and your eyes were puffy and red rimmed. You looked tired and heartbroken. Thor moves to sit next to you, one of his massive hands rests over yours. 

“For what it’s worth I’m sorry too.” He sighs. “Do you know what you plan to do? What did he say when you confronted him?” 

You tilt your head to look up at him questioning how you’ll bring up the plan you have. With pursed lips you shake your head. 

“I already have a divorce lawyer working on the documents for me. As for your other question, I had an idea to maybe do it together.” 

“Confront them together?” You nod. “How would we do that exactly?”

“They have reservations at that new French restaurant for Thursday. I thought we could make our own.” 

“So we’ll show up and then what?” 

“Well I plan to give Matt divorce papers. I know he’ll try to make it seem like I’m going crazy, that he isn’t cheating so I want him to see that I caught him in the act.”

Thor didn’t respond, he sat there quietly weighing his options it seemed. He loved Jane, they made it work even when their interests and wants in life were polar opposites sometimes. Even on bad days he never thought that something like this would happen. 

“You don’t have to get divorced, maybe you and Jane can work it out. I just know there’s no going back for me.” You said sadly. It was true the more you thought about it the more you realized how unhappy you were in the marriage. 

“I don’t know if I can do that Y/N, I’m sorry.” 

You shake your head. “Don’t worry about it.” You took a piece of paper out of your purse and held it out to him. “My number, just in case you need someone to talk to.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I’m sorry about all of this Thor. You deserve better.” 

“So do you.” He replied as he stood with you and brought you in for a hug. One that you had desperately needed. With teary eyes you looked up at him and gave him a sad smile before walking out of his office. 

After Matt left Tuesday morning you got dressed and headed to the house of 2 of your 3 best friends. Standing on the stoop of their brownstone you’re about to knock when you hear your name behind you. 

“Doll what are you doing here?” 

“Buck-“ you did your best to hold back your tears. You weren’t expecting Bucky at the Rogers-Romanoff home so early in the day but still his presence was welcomed. 

Bucky hurried up the steps and wrapped his arms around you after seeing your red rimmed eyes. 

“Shh, it’s ok doll I’ve got you.” He cradled the back of your head against his chest as you cried and reached for the doorbell with his free hand. 

“It’s about damn time you got here Barnes… Y/N? What happened?” Nat asked as she opened the door wider to let you both in. 

“Come on Doll.” Bucky let you go so that you both could walk in. 

Nat ushered you into the kitchen where you found Steve typing away on his laptop, a rare day where he stayed home instead of heading into his own company. He looked up when he heard footsteps and surprise passed his face before his eyebrows furrowed. 

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” He left his laptop behind as he moved to hug you. You could feel Nat’s hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. Bucky stood beside the three of you with his hands crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break down like this.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, go sit at the table we made breakfast.” Nat pushed you gently toward Steve and he guided you to sit down while Bucky and Nat put some plates together. In a few short minutes they had filled the table with all types of breakfast foods, coffee and orange juice. Sitting there watching as they made a plate for themselves you realized that you’d barely eaten since Monday morning but still you couldn’t eat a thing. A plate is set in front of you, just a few of your favorites.

“Eat and tell us what’s going on.” Bucky said from beside you. 

You sighed and ate a piece of fruit and then another. “So I want to start by saying that I’m already handling the situation.” 

“What did that fucker do?” 

The rage in all of their eyes made you tense and you questioned if it had been the right idea to come here. But you needed your friends and you had known each other since primary school. You had been as thick as thieves since you were little and you grew together all throughout school and life in general. They would find out anyway so you decided to tell them, it’s why you came in the first place.

“He’s been cheating on me.” You whisper as you look down at your plate, pushing around some of the other food around with your fork. 

“What?” 

“I’ll kill him!”

“Asshole.”

The three of them said at the same time. 

“When did you find out?” Steve asked

“A month ago.” 

“How long?” 

“I’m not sure but I’m thinking close to a year.”

“Do you know who he’s been with? Is he sleeping around with different people?”

“No, just one person from what I saw.”

“Do you know who it is?”

You nod as you look at the three of them.

“You know her too. It’s Um- it’s Jane.” 

They stared, jaws slacked. A couple of seconds of silence go by before they start talking over each other. Mostly they talk about how Steve is going to make him pay, a few curses in Russian from Nat and Bucky flipping the butter knife around and saying no one would ever find his body. 

Never in your life did you think you would have to go through a divorce. But here you are on a random Tuesday morning with your best friends. Listening to their different versions of revenge and you can’t help but start laughing. They exchange worried glances.

“Are you ok Y/N?” Nat asked.

“Am I ok? Of course I’m not. The man that I was ready to spend the rest of my life with is cheating on me and I’m listening to Bucky plan his murder. And this orange juice has no alcohol in it.”

Steve moved and grabbed a bottle of vodka and handed it to you.

“Better?” 

“Not really but it’s a start.”

“So what are you going to do, Doll?” 

“I’m getting divorced. I hired a PI and I have more evidence and I already have the divorce papers all he has to do is sign them.”

“Good, you deserve better than that asshole.” 

“Did you talk to him already?”

You shook your head.

“Wait, isn’t Jane married?” Nat inquired.

“Yeah, she’s married to Thor. He runs Odinson Inc. I wonder if he knows.” Steve said the last part under his breath.

“He does.” 

“How do you know that he knows?” Steve narrowed his eyes.

“Well I may or may not have shown up at his company yesterday and told him. Also showed him proof.” 

“Let me see the proof” 

You grabbed your phone and gave it to Nat and both men moved to hover behind her as they read the messages you had. 

“How did he react?” Nat asked

“When are you confronting him? Do you want us to be there?” Bucky added.

“He was obviously upset. Apparently their anniversary was that Friday and she was sexting Matt the whole time. I told him that they made a reservation for that new French restaurant and that we should confront them there but he didn’t want to. I guess I’ll just talk to him Friday and give him the divorce papers.”

“Oh sweetheart we are so sorry.” Steve moves around the table and hugs you again. “You’re more than welcome to stay with us for as long as you want.” 

“Or if you like living with normal people, you’re more than welcome to stay with Sam and me.” 

“I’ll let you guys know, maybe he’ll leave the house.” 

The rest of the morning was spent listening to your friends talking shit about Matt. Then it shifted to what was next, and somehow they convinced you to go out to a club and find a rebound. That wasn’t going to happen any time soon though. Your body had changed, you gained weight and the insecurities were bound to rear their ugly heads. Not long after that you head home. There were a few things you needed to start doing, like looking for an apartment just in case Matt fought over the house. That night Matt got home very late, you didn’t ask where he was and he didn’t offer an explanation. 

Wednesday is no different. Matt is gone for the day and you take the opportunity to go through your wedding album. With tears you looked back at the day you promised forever. It seemed like forever would only be 8 years. It was mainly uneventful, Nat, Steve, Bucky and Sam messaged you to make sure you were ok.  

Thor stayed in his office until late at night. It wasn’t unusual anymore. At the beginning of his marriage, when his father first stepped down and handed the company over, he used to feel so guilty. There had been so many nights where he ended up sleeping on the couch in his office because he had to clean up so many of his father’s mistakes. His marriage had been affected by it but after a few months everything started to go right. He had more time for Jane. They were able to spend weekends together and go on trips. Thor loved to spoil her. But that was almost 10 years ago. 

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed the change in her behavior. How she started dressing up again. Thor just thought it had been a slump in the relationship and it was over, now he knew better. For some reason he felt more upset for you than for himself, maybe it’s because he knew his marriage had been over long ago. 

When he did manage to get home Jane was already asleep. So he showered and put on his pajama bottoms and went to bed. He didn’t sleep at all that night. 

The next morning Thor was already up and getting dressed by the time Jane walked into their walk-in closet in search of a work outfit. Even though he was sure his marriage was over he had a smidge of hope left that he would be able to fix it. He didn’t know where he went wrong but he had turned his back on his father in order to marry Jane. Now his father’s words of them not having a long lasting marriage rang in his head. 

Thor silently turned to Jane and he wrapped his arms around her waist before resting his chin on her shoulder. She chuckled as she turned her head to get a good look at him. 

“What?” 

“What do you say we go away this weekend? Anywhere you want. I can have everything booked and we can head out on Thursday. All you have to do is ask for two days off.” 

Jane sighed and stepped away from Thor. She turned to look at him, guilt already in her eyes.

“I’m sorry but I can’t this weekend. I have a lot of meetings and I can’t miss any of them.” 

Thor nods. “It’s ok I understand.” 

“Hey, maybe we can get away next weekend or something.”

“Yeah, I’ll see what I can put together. See you later, I have to get to the office.” 

Jane said a quick goodbye over her shoulder. Thor grabbed his phone and dialed your number but changed his mind. You probably had enough to worry about and didn’t need to listen to him ramble on about his own relationship. Instead he calls his assistant and tells him to get a reservation to the restaurant you had mentioned and a dress for you. 

You met with your divorce lawyer one more time on thursday. He tells you that you can expect Matt to get his own lawyer and there could be some back and forth before the divorce is final but that he will handle all of the communication, something you’re grateful for. 

As you step out of a coffee shop near your lawyer’s office your phone rings. 

“Hey Nat, what’s up?”

“Hi babe, just checking in. What are you up to?”

“Just left the lawyer’s office.”

“Oh, how is that going?”

“Good, I guess. I mean getting a divorce wasn’t really on my to do list this year you know.” You tell her as you get to your car.

“I know. Do you want to come over for dinner? I’ll invite Sam and Bucky.” 

“I appreciate it but I’m going to try to talk to Matt today.” 

“Ok, text us if you need anything.” 

“I will. Thanks Nat.” You day before hanging up.

When you arrive at your place you find someone standing at your front door. As you get closer you realize you’d seen him at Thor’s office.

“May I help you?” You asked as you walked up behind him.

“Oh, hello there. I’m Korg, Thor’s assistant.”

“Hello Korg. Why are you here?” 

“Thor asked me to give this to you.” He held up a white box with a note attached to it.

“What is it?”

“I’m not sure, he just said to make sure you got it before tonight.” 

“Ok, thank you I guess.” You said as you grabbed the box from him. 

“No problem ma’am. Have a good day.” He said as he walked away. 

You hurried inside and put the box on the table. Curiosity was pushing you to open the box but you grabbed the note first.

Reservation at 8:00. See you then.

-T

You reread the card a few times and even flipped it over to make sure you weren’t seeing things. The box sat unopened and now you really needed to know what he had sent. When you open it you find a beautiful black dress. You were unsure if it would fit but as you pulled it out and pressed it against your body you realized it might. 

Without a second thought you went into your room and started getting ready. Hopefully confronting them would be easier with Thor next to you than doing it alone. 

Your hair was just right, you went with a simple winged liner and red lipstick and black heels you’d bought a while back for a date night that never happened. As you’re about to grab your car keys there’s a knock on your door. When you open it you find a man in a suit and tie standing there. 

“Yes?” You look at him confused.

“Hi I’m Skurge. I’m Mr. Odinson’s driver.”

“Ok?”

“He sent me to pick you up for dinner.”

“Oh ok, I’ll be right out.”

“No worries.” He said before walking back to his car.

You walked back inside and grabbed your purse, keys, phone along with the envelope that contained the divorce documents and all the evidence. Once you’re outside and the door is locked, Skurge opens the car door for you before getting in the driver’s seat. You tried to keep calm. Deep down a part of you wanted to work this out and forgive him. Try to find a way to make it work. But the other part of you thought back to your own parent’s relationship. How your father’s cheating hurt your mother so much and she never left, and you couldn’t understand why. She wasn’t happy, she was constantly checking his clothes for any signs of another woman. She was angry all the time, you can’t remember the last time you’d seen her smile. You couldn’t turn into her. 

Your door is opened by the valet at the restaurant and when you step out you find a hand being offered to you. 

Thor.

He stands beside the car as he helps you out. His hand finds its way to the small of your back to guide you towards the entrance. He looked amazing. Thor wore a black suit but instead of a button up, he wore a black t-shirt tucked into his trousers. His hair was tied back in a half up, half down style. You met his eyes, no longer sparkling. Instead they looked dull and the bags under his eyes were more prominent but you weren’t sure if that had to do with his job or with the situation. Still he smiled down at you. 

“You look beautiful.” He said as he moved to open the door of the restaurant. 

“Thank you,” you said. “You look pretty great yourself.” The words spilled from your lips with such ease that for a moment you forgot what it was you were here to do for a moment. 

As he speaks with the hostess you look around the room. Part of you was trying to find them but the other part was hoping you didn’t. It was too late to back out. Not with Thor there willing to do this with you. There was still the question of why he decided to come in the first place. The plan you made for yourself was set. You were going to wait for him tonight and confront him. 

“Right this way Mr. Odinson.” You heard the hostess say with a happy tone in her voice. Wordlessly Thor again placed his hand on your lower back and guided you through the tables until the hostess stopped toward the back of the room and placed some menus down. Thor pulled the chair out for you before taking a seat next to you. His back to the wall, giving him a good view of the open space. You picked at the cloth napkin that had been folded into a beautiful pattern and sat on the plate before you. 

“Are you ok?” 

“Not really.” You finally look up to find him observing you. “How are you feeling?”

“To be honest, part of me doesn’t want to believe that Jane could actually do something like this, even with the evidence. It’s why I decided to come. To see it for myself. Why did you want to do this?”

“I don’t know, I guess I wanted to see it. But part of me thought that if I confronted him in public he wouldn’t argue.. I want him to know that I know and not give him the chance to argue or try to convince me to stay.”

“So you don’t like confrontation?” 

“No that’s not it. It’s just… He’s my husband, I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him and start a family, you know. Now I had to hire a divorce lawyer, think about selling our home and try to put my life back together again.  Besides, he would probably sit there and try to convince me that I have no idea what I’m talking about or that it’s now what it looks like.”  

He just gave you a small nod. The waiter came by and you distracted yourself by looking around the room as Thor ordered some wine. Your hand flies to his when you finally see them in the middle of the room. His hand shifts and gives you a reassuring squeeze.

Your chest tightened as you watched them together. If you were a stranger, unaware of the situation you would think that they were a couple very much in love. Matt was attentive, he pulled Jane’s hand to his lips and smiled into the kiss. Jane looked beautiful as she blushed at the gesture. They were face to face with a small movement and their lips could connect. You had wished that the affair was nothing more than physical, that no one could give him that emotional connection you had but it was obviously not true. They kept their hands on each other and you realized that Matt had never been like that with you. You looked away as your vision blurred with tears. The waiter appeared with a bottle of wine, he presented it to Thor and then filled both your and his glass. Thor spoke with the waiter again while you grabbed the glass and drank it in one gulp before grabbing the bottle left behind and pouring more into the glass. When you looked up at Thor you saw a mixture of anger, sadness and acceptance in his eyes. His jaw was clenched and his fist was balled up so tight his knuckles were turning white. 

While you and Thor had just gotten there, Matt and Jane were almost done with dinner. It seemed like they had asked for the bill, instead a dessert was placed on their table and a bottle of wine presented to them. You looked at Thor for a moment and then back at them.

“Be ready.” He said under his breath.

“You sent them a dessert?” 

“What’s dinner without something sweet.” Just then you saw the waiter motion toward your table. You’re not sure where the surge of confidence came from but once Matt and Jane looked your way you brought your wine glass in the air, a silent cheers sent their way. All the color drained from Matt’s face once he realized that he’d been caught while Jane just stared wide-eyed. “Come on, we should go.” Thor whispered in your ear and you did as he said. 

Hurried steps followed yours as you walked out of the restaurant. Thor headed toward the car that was waiting for you both but you walked down the street. He turned and followed when he realized you were walking away from the restaurant to not cause a scene. There wasn’t a chance to check in with each other when Jane stopped in front of you.

“Thor I can explain.”

“What are you doing here?” Matt asked, angry and annoyed at your presence. 

“I could ask you the same thing.”  You said before he pulled you away from Jane and Thor to have a more private conversation. Thor followed you with his eyes, he didn’t like the way Matt had grabbed you, Thor could see the way his fingers were digging into the soft flesh of your arm. He knew you didn’t want to be alone with Matt at the moment and he all but walked over to end the conversation. 

“Thor,” Jane called out. “It was just a business dinner.”

“I’ve never had a business dinner like that before.” Thor scoffed when he looked back at her. She looked at him and then at the floor. 

“When did you find out?”

“Monday. Y/N came by the office. You know at first I didn’t believe her, how could she accuse you of such a thing, you’re friends. But she had proof, sexts and pictures you had sent her husband.” 

“It didn’t mean anything. It was just a fling.” Jane said with a shaky voice. 

“A fling.” His voice fills the quiet night air. “It’s lasted a year. If I wouldn’t have found out how long would it have kept going? If you were so unhappy with our marriage you should have just said so. There was no need for this. I love you so much, I would have done anything for you. Even if that meant letting you go.” 

“I’m sorry, I love you too. Please give me a chance to make this right.” 

The crack of skin to skin contact was heard and Thor looked up to see you bring your hand down from having slapped Matt. Even on the poorly lit sidewalk he could see your tear filled eyes as you looked at your husband. 

“What, are you mad that I’m telling the truth? You’re pathetic.” Matt walked closer to you, his hands balled into fists. For the first time ever you were afraid he would hit you. He opened his mouth to say something else but was stopped when Thor’s fist connected to his face, knocking Matt to the floor. 

“Come on, there’s no need to subject ourselves to this any further.” He said as he turned you toward the waiting car. 

“If you want to talk you can do so with my lawyer.” You inform Matt as you take the signed documents along with all the evidence and throw it at his feet. 

“Thor.” Jane reached for him. 

“Don’t Jane, there is nothing you can say right now that will make me feel any better about this situation.” 

Thor opened the car door for you before walking around and getting in himself. You looked down at your hands in your lap. Tears fell freely as the car drove you further away from them. Matt’s words echoed in your head. The harshness in which he spoke to you when he had pulled you aside as if it were you ruining his relationship with Jane. Thor’s hand covered both of yours and you remembered he was there. When you looked up, his eyes held unshed tears, he offered a tight lipped smile before you looked away. As you slipped further into a neighborhood you looked back at Thor confused.

“Where are we going?” 

“My apartment, or I can drop you off at home or anywhere else?” 

You shake your head, you didn’t want to be alone but being with your friends would be overwhelming. 

The elevator doors open directly into a foyer. It’s simple in decor, a table to one side with a bowl for keys which Thor uses as he leads you further into the apartment. The decor is almost regal and it flows throughout all the rooms. You sit on one of the couches in the living room and take off the heels you’d worn. 

“Would you like a drink?” Thor asks from the bar in the corner of the room. 

“Something strong.” 

Thor grabs a glass and a bottle to pour you a drink. He moves swiftly through the living room and offers you the glass before sitting down beside you. In the silence all you could do was think of what Matt had said to you. How had he been able to talk to you like that so easily? Did your relationship mean nothing to him? 

“You shouldn’t waste your time thinking about him. He’s wrong about you.” Thor broke the silence and you scoffed. 

“It’s easy for you to say when you look like that.”

“And what exactly is it that I look like?”  

“Pfft I don’t know a god maybe?” You knock back your drink before placing the glass on the coffee table.

“Is that all you think that it takes? All you have to do is look good.” He looked at you, his jaw clenched.

“No, I’m sorry.” you said after a moment. It was true you and Thor couldn’t be more different if you tried. While he was tall and fit, you were shorter and you were heavier than when you first married Matt. “It’s what he says drove him away though.” 

Thor’s hands found their way to your thick thighs and he pulled you into his lap so that you were straddling him, causing your dress to ride up. “He’s a fucking idiot and it just shows he wasn’t a real man.”  His eyes burned into yours before he looked at your lips and back. “Let me show you how you should be treated.” 

Thor’s hand finds its way to the back of your neck and he pulls you in, connecting his lips with yours. You froze for a second before you started kissing him back, your hands moving from his chest up to his hair. You felt Thor’s hands move to your hips and he pulled you down so that you could feel his hardening length.

“That’s what you do to me.” 

 A moan escaped your lips as you rolled your hips trying to find any sort of relief from the ache building up between your thighs. Thor explored your mouth with his tongue and your body with his hands. Your red lipstick stained his lips, and he trailed it down your jaw and onto your neck where he nips and leaves marks. He pulls the strap of your dress down your shoulder and peppers your chest with kisses as your black lacy bra is revealed. Thor looks at you before pulling the cup down and swirling his tongue around your hardened nipple. 

Feeling bold you reach for the zipper on your dress and pull it down. Thor grabs the hem and pulls it up and over your head before reaching for the clasp of your bra and removing it as well. Suddenly Thor stands, his hands firmly gripping your ass as he encourages you to wrap your legs around his waist. Your lips found their way to his jaw as he walked deeper in the apartment and suddenly your back hit a mattress. He was fully dressed and you were in your lacy black underwear and you felt too exposed, Matt’s words started to echo in your head and you wanted to hide. Thor moved to hover over you and you realized he had removed his shirt. He kissed you tenderly before pulling back.

“Do you want this?” 

You nodded.

“I need to hear you say it.”

“Yes, I want this.” 

He smiled before kissing you again and slowly moving down your body. Thor nipped and kissed every part of you that made you self-conscious. His lips were soft and his eyes burning with desire as they looked up at you. With every touch, whether it was his hands or his lips, you felt need and slick pool between your legs and when you were finally completely bared your arousal was evident. You sucked in air when you felt his thick fingers trace along your folds. Thor brought it up to his mouth and cleaned them. 

“So good.”  

You swallowed thickly as he moved to lay between your thighs. The way Thor was talking was enough to have you clenching around nothing. He alternated between kissing and leaving small bite marks on your inner thighs, his beard gracing your sensitive skin all the way up until you felt him kiss your mound. Thor licked a slow long stripe from your weeping entrance to your clit before he took the sensitive bundle of nerves into his mouth, a groan escaped his lips. He would change it up from focusing on your clit to teasing your entrance, you moaned and whined until you felt a finger push into you. The man who was currently reducing you into a puddle started at a slow pace and slowly built it up until he added another. You feel that coil low in your belly tighten as he adds another finger. Your hips jerk toward him and he puts his free arm around you to keep you still. The combination of his tongue and fingers driving you closer to an orgasm.

“Right there. F-fuck.” you gasped as you reached to grab and tug on his hair. “Thor I’m go-”

“That’s it,” he said as he looked up at you  before latching on to your clit again and sucking hard. Thor feels the way you clench around his fingers, urging him to keep going. You throw your head back with a moan as the pleasure he’s so freely giving you builds. “Let go, dove.” 

His words push you over the edge as your orgasm washes over you. You can feel he continues to lap up your release not wasting a single drop before he’s kissing his way back up to your mouth. Thor’s beard glistening with nothing but you. When he kisses you again you can taste yourself and you moan. 

He pulls back and looks down at you, pupils full blown with lust and a smirk on his lips. Your hands go to his belt and you undo it quickly before pulling it through the belt loops. You make quick work of unbuttoning his slacks and pulling on the zipper. Thor moves just as you're about to push his pants and boxers down. He removes the offending clothing and tosses it somewhere behind him. Before he could get settled again between your thighs you pushed against one of his shoulders. You felt him tense slightly but he laid on his side to allow you to get up and leave if that’s what you wanted. But you didn’t stop when he moved, you continued to push until he was on his back. 

“My turn.” You say with a smile as your hand slides up his muscular thigh. He’s heavy in your hand and you appreciate how big he is as you begin to move your fist up and down. Thor groans when he feels your mouth on him. 

You run your tongue from the base to the tip before swirling it around and tasting the bead of precum. Thor’s hands find their way into your hair just as you take the head of his cock into your mouth. His hips jerk upward and you take more of him. He moans as you begin to bob your head up and down. 

“Fuck, just like that. Show me what that pretty little mouth can do.” 

It’s your turn to moan at his words. Your nails dig into his thigh as you hollow out your cheeks. His cock twitches against your tongue and soon you find Thor pulling you off of him. A string of spit connects you to his length before he pulls you in for a filthy kiss. 

“Such a good girl for me. But I want to be in that tight little pussy when I come.” He all but growled against your lips. Thor sits up, his hands are on your hips as he guides you over himself. You move to straddle him, placing your hands on his shoulders as you move. He stops before things go further. “fuck I don’t have protection.” 

“I’m clean, and I’m on birth control.” You reassure him. 

“I’m clean too.” Thor aligns himself with your entrance and you gasp as you feel him stretch you out. You rest your forehead against his, taking a moment to adjust to his size before you start moving. Thor’s hands are on your hips as he helps you bounce on his cock. Nothing but the sound of both your moans is heard. It doesn’t take long for you to feel closer to another orgasm. Thor kisses, nips and marks your neck as you grind into him. 

“Fuck, so good.” You whimper as he thrusts up to meet you. 

“I can feel you’re close, Dove. Come for me.” He growls into your skin and it’s all you need to fall over the edge. You throw your head back as the second orgasm washes over you and suddenly you’re on your back. “You are so beautiful.” He murmurs before he starts moving again. Your nails dig into his back as Thor’s pace quickens. 

It’s a bit overwhelming, the intensity of his electric blue eyes as he looks at you come undone, the smirk he gives you when your eyes meet, the way he rolls his hips hitting your g-spot over and over again. But most of all it was the way you feel connected with Thor. It’s somehow more intimate than what you’ve felt before, maybe because of the situation you find yourselves in but you’ll take what you can get and you pull him down for a kiss. 

You aren’t sure if it’s an entirely new orgasm or just the last one still sending waves of pleasure through you but you feel your legs shaking as Thor continues his fast pace. His hips stutter and he curses under his breath. After a few more thrusts you feel his cum coat your velvet walls. 

Thor kisses you again before slowly pulling out and then laying next to you. The bed dips and you follow his movement with your eyes, too tired to actually move. He comes back with a damp cloth and his hand disappears between your thighs as he cleans you up before pulling the covers over you. He tosses the cloth somewhere behind him and lays down again. You turn to face him only to find him already looking at you. 

“C’mere.” He says before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer. 

With your head resting on his chest and his hand moving up and down your back it doesn’t take long for your eyes to close. It’s the best sleep you’ve had in a month and the best sex you’ve had in years. 

The last thing you thought about was how could anyone leave someone like Thor for someone like Matt.

You were in Steve’s office. Him and Nat were definitely surprised to see you early on Friday. But you had promised you would tell them how it went. So while Nat and Steve were face to face you facetimed Sam and Bucky. Telling them everything that happened.

“So let me get this straight,” Bucky said. “He said he found you disgusting and that you were pathetic for thinking he could still be attracted to you?” 

“Yeah, and he said he was glad that I miscarried because he didn’t want to be tied down to me.” You sigh and you blink back tears. “He said that no one would ever want me and that I didn’t deserve to be happy or have anyone love me.” 

Steve put an arm around you and held you close to his chest, just allowing you to shed those tears you had been holding in.

“I’m gonna kill him.” Nat said and the others voiced their agreement. 

“It doesn’t matter what's done, it's done. I just have to focus on what I’m going to do next.” 

“What happened with Thor?” Steve asked.

“What do you mean?” 

Nat eyed you suspiciously, in the whole conversation you had barely mentioned him. And now that she was really looking at you there was something different about you. You seemed to get a little flustered every time he was mentioned. Suddenly she gasps. 

“You whore you slept with him!” She announced excitedly. You know she didn’t mean it in a negative way but you still grimaced when she jokingly called you a whore. “Tell us everything.”

“What is there to tell? We were at his place and then we slept together. I left this morning before he woke up.” 

“But was it good?” 

“Let’s just say 3 times and I’m gonna be walking funny.” 

Nat and Sam smirked, Bucky had his mouth hanging open and Steve just looked confused. 

“3 times what?” 

“Oh babe.” Nat said before leaning in and telling him what you meant. Immediately Steve blushes and clears his throat as he nods. 

“So What’s next?” 

“I have no idea.”

A year and a half later

There was still a hint of winter cold in the spring breeze that blew gently. It was enough to make you shiver slightly even though you were dressed warmly. You weren’t standing outside of the shopping center just for the fun of it though. No you currently had a fussy 9 month only child in your arms and she had been screaming her head off just a few minutes ago. You had decided that taking a moment outside would do everyone good. As you rocked her and cooed sweet little nothings you heard an all too familiar voice, it was deep and with an accent that brought back sinful memories.

“Y/N?” Thor asked. You turned in his direction. Damn he looked good. 

“Thor, Hi.” 

He opened and closed his mouth a few times. Slightly at a loss for words. After you left he had tried to reach out but you were nowhere to be found. He would be lying if he said he didn’t think about you constantly. Although at the moment his concern was something else entirely. 

“Is she mine?” He finally asked. It was only fair to ask, if you thought about it of course it made sense he would think that. 

“Oh my god,” you chuckle as you shake your head. “No, she's my niece. We were just taking a break from the flashing lights.” 

You nodded in the direction of a photography studio just behind him. There was a moment where his reaction looked like a mixture of disappointment and then relief.

“So how have you been?” 

“I’m better now but to be honest I struggled a bit over the last year.” He answers. “How about you?” 

“Good. Better than I thought I’d be actually. My job actually had me in Europe for a while. I just got back a few weeks ago. I think it really helped me.” 

“That’s good. Are you back for good?” 

“Yeah. No more galavanting around Italy for me.” You smile up at him and he returns it. 

“Listen. I was wondering if-“ 

“Thor?” He had been cut off before he was able to finish what he was going to ask. Jane had walked up to both of you while you were distracted with each other. Her arm wrapped around his before she turned to look and smile at you. “Y/N, It’s good to see you. How have you been?” 

“Great, oh I almost forgot. I never thanked you for sleeping with my husband. Best thing to ever happen to me.” So maybe you weren’t great and sometimes you were still angry about the whole thing. But you have improved immensely since first finding out all those months ago. 

Thor held back his laugh, instead shaking his head and smiling in your direction. Jane stood there stunned for a second before turning her attention to Thor. 

“Are you ready? We’re going to be late for our reservation.” She doesn’t wait for an answer and instead walks away from both of you. 

“It’s not what you think.” 

“It’s ok Thor. I should head back anyway.” You say, sounding more disappointed than you would have liked. He calls your name but you quickly make your way back into the studio.

“Hey is everything ok?” Steve asked as he made his way over to you and took his daughter. 

“Yeah, everything is good.” You smile at him but it doesn’t reach your eyes and he notices. He decides to keep you occupied instead of pressuring you to tell him.

“Come on then, we want some pictures with you.” 

Your afternoon had been busy. After finishing up at the photography studio you and Nat went shopping. It had been fun but your mind kept thinking about Thor. You had no choice but to be honest with yourself, you knew that there had been a connection that night and you thought he felt it too. But seeing him still with Jane made you question if he had felt it or if it had been a figment of your imagination. A knock at your door stops your thoughts from spiraling anymore.  

“Thor, what are you doing here?” You ask as you open the door. 

“I wanted to talk to you. I think there were things that were left unsaid. I’ve already waited a year and half. I don't want to wait anymore.” 

He gives you a hopeful look and his gaze is just as intense as you remember. His eyes brighten when you open the door wider and ask him to come inside. You apologize for the mess of boxes and show him to your living room.

“Do you want anything to drink?” 

Thor shakes his head before taking a deep breath. You stared at him, waiting for whatever it was that he had to say.

“Jane and I, we’ve been divorced for a couple of months now.”

You stare at him, disbelief evident in your gaze. 

“Today was actually the first time I’d seen her in months. She called me and asked to talk. Apparently Matt was seeing someone else. She wanted to talk about possibly working things out.” 

“Then why are you here Thor?” You looked away from him, bracing yourself to be told that that night was a mistake. That he could never be with someone like you. That it was a moment of weakness on his part.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you. Not since that night. When I woke up and you were gone I was disappointed.” You can feel his eyes on you and you finally meet it.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you either. But Thor we were both heartbroken and looking for comfort. It just so happened that we found it in each other.” 

“Come on, Dove.” 

You swallow thickly at the nickname and he notices. A mischievous grin appears on his face and he moves closer to you until he can pull you up onto his lap. You’re straddling him just like you had that first night. Thor’s hands settle on your hips, and you feel him squeeze your soft curves.

“I know you felt it too.” He leans up and places a flurry of kisses on your neck and jaw while you keep your hands on his shoulders.“One chance is all I ask for. Let me take you on one date.” He looks up at you, eyes full of hope.

“As long as you don’t take me to any French restaurants.” 

He laughs and you can’t help but join him. 

“I’ll take you wherever you want. You just have to tell me.” 

You lean down, and capture his lips with yours. It was needy and passionate. You had almost forgotten how his lips felt against yours and it felt good to get reminded of it.

“How about my bedroom for now.” 

“As you wish, Dove.” He stands and you wrap your legs around his waist and point in the direction of your room. 

After what happened with Matt you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to trust anyone with your heart anymore. But along came Thor who had been hurt just as you had and gave you hope. He showed you that you were still worthy of love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

permanent taglist:  @kunaikunari @rebekahdawkins @cjand10​ @nalny5  @sturchling @angywritesstuff @seitmai @writing-for-marvel​ @goldylions @darkhairedmenrule @little--baby--bear @almosttoopizza​ @littleseasiren

[justabigoldnerd]

Thank you so much @the-golden-comet for the tag!!!

This week's fic is "Lost On You"

⚠️Warning⚠️ for internalized and period typical homophobia in this one, but also this has one of my favorite arguments I've ever written 💕

Under the cut because this fic's whole premise is kisses lmao so it's a long one

1.

Illya's hands were violently shaking and they were being watched by the enemy. Solo had to think of something and fast. His eyes darted around the room, looking for whatever the goons were not looking at. When he found the pattern, he took in a quick breath, closing his eyes to calm his racing heart. "Illya," Solo whispered, and his friend's dark gaze shifted towards him, "I'm sorry." Before Illya could possibly process what he meant, Solo slid his hands up his arms and locked his fingers behind his neck, pulling him into a rough kiss. It would've hurt less if Illya pushed him away. If he'd shoved him off and spat at the ground, hurling strings of curses that Solo had heard a million times before. However, Illya sighed into the kiss, his hands hovering with uncertainty over Solo's waist. One of them finally landed just above his hip and his heart shattered. Solo broke the kiss before either of them had a chance to do something they'd regret. Illya's hands left him like he was the eye of a hot stove and he stepped away, his eyes wild but no longer shaking. "We'd been spotted," Solo told him through gritted teeth, "I had to lose them."

2.

Thankfully, Illya nodded and found a path to the exit, guiding Solo along by his elbow. When they finally slipped through the side door and into the alley, Illya checked the entrances then pushed Solo against the brick wall opposite the door. He expected a fist fight. A screaming match. A knife to the gut or a bullet to the brain. What he got was Illya ducking his head and kissing him again, angling so that it was deeper this time. His thigh brushed close to Solo's crotch, and he hummed into Illya's mouth. Without warning, he pulled away, leaving Solo trailing after him. "They were watching again," Illya shrugged, turning to start the short walk to Gaby's waiting car. Solo exhaled softly and smiled. He was one hundred percent certain that there hadn't been a single soul in that alleyway.

3.

"Sure we can." Solo's eyes were heavy now, from more than the drug, so the kiss he pulled Illya into was lazy and chaste, but just as sweet. "See?" Illya's eyes stayed closed. With a heavy sigh, he reciprocated, his hand finding its way to cradle Solo's cheek. His lips moved slowly, nothing behind it but simplicity, and it made Solo that much sleepier. After they parted, he could feel Illya's breath on his face as he whispered, "Goodnight, Cowboy."

4.

"Uh, I don't give them names," Illya was lying now, and obviously so. "Of course you do," Gaby countered, taking one of the cat's paws between her fingers and shaking it like a hand, "What's your name, little one?" "Zvezda," he muttered, "Star. Because of the spot." Illya ran his thumb through a patch of white fur on the cat's chest. "Pleasure to meet you, Zvezda," Gaby cooed, planting a kiss on Zvezda's forehead. Solo saw a flash of a different universe, one where they weren't spies in Istanbul, but friends in a hospital in West Berlin, and the tiny thing in Illya's arms was an infant rather than a cat. She had Gaby's eyes and a shock of blond hair like Illya. Solo's heart ached for a timeline he'd never see, the notion of a welcomed baby vanishing from his mind. This will do, he thought, watching Gaby rest her head against Illya's shoulder to babble sweet nothings to Zvezda. This will do.

5.

"I'm going for lunch," Gaby said after a length of comfortable silence, "I haven't eaten since London." "I'll join you. Give Peril some alone time with Zvezda and friends." Gaby nodded in agreement, then stood on her toes and gave Illya a kiss on the cheek. He smiled softly, a loving look in his eyes. Solo couldn't tell if it was love for her or for the cat. It didn't really matter. She retraced their steps and Solo waited until she was out of sight to ask, daringly, "You ever thought about kids?"

6.

Quickly, before he could psyche himself out of it, Solo took a step closer and pressed a gentle kiss to Illya's cheek. "I'll see you at the hotel," he remarked as he walked away, not allowing himself to see how Illya reacted.

7.

Gaby's sea legs were horrible. They always had been. So she stumbled the moment she stepped out of the boat. Illya was there to catch her, helping her balance with a gentle hand on her waist. Her hands held his arms, and she looked up at him sweetly. A pit formed in Solo's stomach as he saw her fingers dance across his cheek. Gaby's lips parted ever so slightly, and Illya accepted the invitation, dipping his head to kiss her slowly.

8.

"Are you taking responsibility for a fuck up right now? Wow, you must be really in love with him," Gaby laughed, finishing her previously untouched glass and refilling it with the wine. "I could still murder you and hide your body where no one will find it," Solo reminded her unseriously. "You love me too much," Gaby grinned and leaned down to kiss his cheek, "Join me on the couch? I want to see what's on TV."

9.

For the next few hours, Solo enjoyed Gaby's one man performance that only got funnier with each glass of wine. A weight had been lifted off of his chest. When Illya got home, looking absolutely bored out of his mind, Solo greeted him with more warmth than he had in weeks, even grinning as Gaby kissed him hello. She shot a knowing glance over her shoulder at him and he rolled his eyes.

10.

"What now?" Illya asked carefully. Solo took a small breath to steel his nerves, then said, "Well, I'd like to kiss you now, if you don't mind." Nodding softly, Illya turned slightly so that he was facing Solo, their knees pressing together. "Okay." Tilting his head, Solo smiled adoringly at Illya, then carded his fingers through his hair. "You can tell me to stop any time." "I don't want you to stop," Illya whispered, his eyes falling closed. Solo rested his hand on the side of Illya's face, and he leaned into the touch. "Then I won't," he purred, leaning forward to capture Illya's lips in his own. It was soft and exploratory, a question more than anything.  Illya answered, his hands coming up to hold Solo's jaw. Humming in delight, Solo gently pushed Illya backwards until he was laying on the couch, then angled his head to deepen the kiss. Tonight, he tasted of peppermint tea and fresh starts. Illya's hands found Solo's waist, and he straddled his hips in response. When they parted, they were gasping for air, making them both laugh. The skin around Illya's eyes crinkled at the corners in that adorable, genuine way and Solo pressed a chaste kiss to the side of his mouth. "I love you, Illya," he breathed.

11.

"Thank you," Illya's eyes shone with love, "Thank you, Solo." Solo quite liked his name on Illya's tongue when it was said like that. Pleased, he stole one more languid kiss, then laid on top of Illya, his head on his chest. "I'm a cuddler," he told him, muffled by the fabric of his dress shirt, "So be prepared for a lot more of this."

12.

Solo didn't even bother to look up. "Welcome back, Gaby." "I told you you were safe," she ruffled his hair, then bent to give Illya a kiss that was cut short by the smiles they couldn't contain. 

13.

Illya was thoughtful for a moment, then decided, "I want to try." "You can kick me out if it gets too much," he soothed, climbing out of his arms with another quick kiss, "I'll get started on the food."

14.

Illya caught his hand, and Solo looked back at him curiously. He took a breath as if to speak, then stopped. Instead of saying anything, Illya brought Solo's hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. An understanding passed between them, and Solo beamed, giving Illya's hand a squeeze before heading into the kitchenette.

Open Tag for anyone who wants to join!!!

[draganwhorror]

Started thinking about writing a prequel to Moonflower. Got a little squirrely and wrote a possible scene to get myself started. Two questions:

Would anyone want a prequel to the story?

What do you guys think of this "scene" I wrote as a possibility to be part of said prequel?

For reference, Moonflower is a sad story involving Wes (from Supernatural), and if you'd like to read it, you can find it on my Tumblr here or my A03 here.

And here is the scene I wrote (without using names right now, 'cause I don't know if I'm actually gonna use it)

His lips were soft. Warm. Hesitant. He tasted sweet, like chocolate. She kissed him gently, knowing she needed to take things slow. She wasn’t sure yet just how ready he was to acknowledge the passion she knew fueled him, even if he had hidden that part of himself away. He had buried it deep within, unwilling to let it burst free. Her lips brushed against his once more, her tongue gliding across the seam of his lips before she pulled back and slowly opened her eyes. She offered him a small smile and stroked his cheek as he met her gaze, his eyes filled with an unspoken need for love. He needed this. Her. He needed to trust that she wouldn’t be like all of the others. That she wouldn’t laugh at him or go on a date with him as a dare, only to toss him aside like yesterday’s garbage right after. He swallowed audibly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he blinked and tried to find the words to let her know exactly what he was feeling right now.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he whispered, his voice breaking. His eyes fluttered closed and he let out a sigh. His shoulders hunched in defeat, and she could feel her heart breaking all over again. The pain this man had been through… the suffering… it was all so heavy against his soul. She wasn’t sure if she could fully free him from the misery that was slowly chipping away at him, but she knew she would do whatever it took to bring him back into the light. She would spend the rest of eternity proving to him that he was more than worthy of love. Her love. He deserved every ounce of happiness she could give him.

“I love you,” she murmured, offering him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I know you don’t believe me yet, but just know that my heart belongs only to you. Every part of me—mind, body, and soul—is yours to keep. Forever. I want you to know that. Every beat of my heart, every breath from my lungs, is all for you. Only you. I love you.”

A sob escaped him, tears springing to his eyes. Deep down, he knew she was telling him the truth. Every word was sincere, wrapping around his heart and comforting him in a way he’d never known before. But he wasn’t ready to admit it. He wasn’t ready to fully believe it yet. He couldn’t. There was still that small sliver of doubt niggling at the back of his mind, whispering that her words meant nothing. That she couldn’t be trusted. Every other woman he’d asked out had seemingly shunned him. Ruined him. Broken him. Why should she be any different?

He shook his head and pushed her away from him, swiping at the tears trailing down his cheeks. He hated feeling so weak and hopeless. So worthless. But he couldn’t help the warring emotions swirling inside him. Another choked sob tumbled from his lips, and he turned away from her, unable to look at her anymore. He couldn’t handle the thought that she might be lying, and if he looked into her eyes, the only thing he would see looking back at him would be pity. Or worse—scorn.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “Please go. I need to be alone right now.”

She stood there for a moment, staring at him with her own eyes brimming with tears. Then she reached out and gently ran a hand down his back before saying, “You know I’ll always be there for you. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be waiting. I meant it when I said I loved you. I’m yours.”

With those final words, she turned and walked away, her heart shattering into a million tiny pieces as she did so.

[cruzisded]

A Culmination of Life

i needed somewhere to put this. somewhere where i know it can be out in the universe but never really seen by the world. this is the place i come to when im met with so many difficult thoughts and even more conflicted emotions. a place i can truly let loose the words i do not have the courage to speak. and to let my emotions run rampant as i gather them all in a single - or several - thoughts on paper. a lot has occurred since i last posted on here. many life changes. both professional and personal. professionally speaking, i think i was ready for change at the time. but to be utterly transparent, with reflection, i think i was ready to move on from my past life. i think from a personal viewpoint, i knew changing my professional life would ultimately affect life outside of that. i enjoyed what i did for work before now. it was fulfilling and i truly enjoyed it. but the environment was not good for me. it hadn't been for a really long time. but i kept that job bc it was sustaining me. it was survival over wants or desires. looking back now, on my birthday mind you, i realize just how negatively that atmosphere affected my life. i lost bonds with people i hold dear to my heart. i fell down a dark hole and lived there for so long that i lost sight of myself. who i am. what i stand for. i had pride in my work and i had pride in my work ethic. but it seemed like for months thats all i had pride in. it's all i could manage. my mental health was greatly affected by the work atmosphere and i think being in that dark hole became just a comfort at that point. i became complacent. not out of the want to be complacent, but bc my soul had been trapped in that hole for so long i never truly saw a way out. i lost the girl who was everything to me, i watched us fade away like a campfire drifting into the night as its embers pop and crackle every now and again. it's been 6 months and my heart still feels like at any moment it could shatter into millions of pieces again. i've gone through deep and thorough therapy and psychiatry over these last 6 months and have found myself. i have been able to work through many of the emotional turmoils i harbored with this loss. and yet, i still have that tiny voice in the back of my head telling me that i would still break. i guess that means i truly did feel something. a feeling like no other. i don't hate her, i don't dislike her. hell i don't even care who she sees or who she dates. at the end of the day, i wish her happiness. even at the cost of my own, i know, dark and unhealthy. but i have always been told growing up, if you love something. let it go. there's another part to that, but for my delulu ass i'll refrain from finishing it. i'm not unhappy with my life, it's solitary for sure. but in truth, i think in the last 3 months i have felt more like myself than i have in years. of course i still feel the pain, i still mourn, and i still have flashbacks like its second nature. but with all of that, i've been able to move forward with my life. i've got a new job that i truly feel like is my niche. i'm in my own apartment again -- starting over -- but who cares. i'm finally at a place in my life where i can see a near future. where i can go out and do things for myself i wasn't able to do before. i get to come home and feel peace once again. that's not to say i don't experience chaos and confusion. but for the most part, i'm at peace with the life i have right now. i was able to go out and get a tattoo i have wanted ever since i saw a picture of it. i was able to rekindle a relationship with my parents after having a really bad falling out with them. i was able to leave a horrible boss and a toxic atmosphere and finally grow into someone i can be proud of. i've been learning so many new things and been given a lot of responsibility. i have a roof over my head and food to eat (when i eat lmaoooo). i have the best cat i could ever ask for and he never fails to show me he loves me. as much as i don't want to be 25 today, i have a lot to be thankful for now that i am.

[sweetmusingss]

Charles swallowed hard, feeling like his heart was shattering into a million tiny pieces after hearing every word that you said. To be fair, it was probably exactly how he had made you feel tonight. "I thought I could do this but I can't. It's killing me too.. I would rather put an end to things now before I lead you on any further. I know that I can't give you the things that you want. You might hate me now but I know you will be thankful in the future when you have everything you want," he says softly to you, his voice almost breaking. He wanted to scream and just run away from everything. The thought of not even getting to see you or speak to you any more absolutely wrecked him. "I won't hold it against you if you tell Pierre. He won't think any worse of me than I already do," he said, almost wanting it because he was a sadist. He already felt pretty low of himself in the moment. There was nothing anyone could say or do that would make him feel worse than he already did.

“I said stop victimizing! You don’t know what I want because all I fucking wanted up until 10 minutes ago was you and you threw it away! I was willing to deal with you and your weird insecurities around love, I was willing to help you and love you unconditionally through it! I even told you tonight I don’t need you to say it back, I just wanted you to know that you were loved! So stop acting like you’re the one who’s hurt right now! You had nothing to lose while I had everything to lose and I just fucking lost it all!” I storm away from him, unable to be in the same room as him anymore, opening the door. “Have a good rest of your summer, Charles.” I slam the door shut behind me before making my way down the hall and to the elevator, keeping my head down, hoping I didn’t look like too much of a mess.

__

I smile happily when you wrapped your arms around my waist and you held me close. I wasn't used to a man being so affectionate with me and I couldn't deny that it made my heart soar. I press another soft kiss to your neck before kissing gently over your jawline and finding your lips in a kiss, getting a little too addicted to kissing you. I smile against your lips before finally pulling away and starting to wash your own body with the more 'manly' body wash. "It's pretty frustrating how hot you are, you know.. I don't understand how I am ever supposed to leave this shower when I have you in here with me, wet and naked," I say, not even being subtle as I checked you out, running my hands slowly over every inch of your body.

Seb smirked, nodding in agreement. "I could say the same about you... I'd stay in here forever." His eyebrows raise and he realizes you two had been in here for a while, opening the shower curtain and glancing over at his phone, seeing you both only had 20 minutes before you needed to be ready for dinner. "OH, Renee is going to kill us... or just make fun of us endlessly because we got distracted with sex. Shower sex." Seb's cheeks pinked just at the notion of Renee and Chris knowing that they were late/rushing around because you both got caught up in the shower. Together.

[pinacoladassmau]

27 🍹

Stede finished the tie, knotting it gently across Ed’s collarbone, before stepping back to admire his handiwork.

“There you go. Like I said, you wear it well.”

Ed’s fingers traced over the meticulous folds and lines of the silk. “Am I a fancyman too, now?” He asked.

“I think you might be.” Stede mused, his hand moving to rest on his chin; a place it didn’t stay for long as a woman joined them by the bar, sidling up to Stede’s side.

She was a small, petite thing; with blunt cut bangs, chocolate hair and a pointed but not unkind stare. Ed would have described her as a swan or a gazelle, yet there was a quiet intensity that didn’t suit either. Next to Stede’s ridiculous get up, her baby blue dress looked particularly understated; accessorised only by a simple brown belt cinched at the waist and-

And Stede’s hand. Stede’s hand on her hip.

Ed’s heart dropped in an instant; the electric, intoxicating feeling of Stede’s touch evaporating immediately as his mouth went dry and his head buzzed painfully and his body grew cold.

“You must be Edward,” She smiled politely, nestling into Stede like she belonged there (Ed supposed she did) “I’ve heard all about you.” And I’ve heard nothing about you, Ed thought, bitterly (hating that he was so). The silence that followed was thick, palpable; so dense one could have cut it with a knife.

When Ed continued to say nothing, Stede jumped in, attempting to salvage the interaction.

“Yes! Mary, this is Ed.” Stede introduced, gesturing towards him. Ed. God he felt sick. Hadn’t he been happy a minute ago? “Edward, this is my wife, Mary.” His hand moved gently to the small of her back, and Ed wanted to scream and scream and scream.

Wife.

Maybe he wanted to cry instead; to fall to his knees and sob and weep like a small, mewling child.

Wife.

Or maybe he’d fling himself into the roiling, unforgiving Pacific Ocean, letting the sea salt and brine and waves wash away the hollow, unjust ache that had found a new, tender, wounding home inside his naive chest.

Wife.

God, he’d do anything, anything if it meant not feeling like this.

Ed had never wanted an old fashioned more in his life.

Stede Bonnet had a wife.

Of course he was fucking married.

“You work together, right?” Mary asked, as though nothing was wrong. As though she hadn’t unwittingly shattered Ed into a million tiny fractured pieces. As though she hadn’t stepped on his rose coloured glasses as soon as she’d arrived, pressing against Stede in all the ways Ed craved, but now understood he’d never have.

“Um, kinda. Work adjacent to each other, I guess.” Ed said tersely, not entirely sure how he was grinding out any words at all.

“And you made the cake? It looks lovely.”

“No, I- my friend Roach made it. Should check him out if you’re ever in Compton, he owns a bakery. Not that you’d ever be in Compton- Would you excuse me?” Ed asked, releasing himself from this hellish conversation of small talk and unspoken truths, walking off without waiting for a response.

—-

Stede found Edward sometime later, hiding away in his study, perusing his impressive library-esque collection of books as Ed returned his copy of The Beautiful and the Damned. “Two souls are sometimes created together—and in love before they're born” Gloria had said. It settled over Ed with a great, heavy melancholy; a once sweet, sentimental quote turned bitter and ashy on his tongue. Was Mary that for Stede? Were they in love, before they were born?

“There you are!” Stede exclaimed, half-breathless, half-relieved as hell entered the room. Ed didn’t look away from the bookcase.

“Here I am.” He said numbly.

“Are you okay?” Stede joined him, his soft warmth radiating beside him. Ed hated the gentle care in his voice. How could one man be so considerate and inconsiderate all at once?

“Yeah. Needed a breather. ‘M just not good at these things, man.” Ed half-lied; dancing, flitting around the truth. “You didn’t tell me you had a wife.” He tacked on, trying to sound as casual and noncommittal as possible.

“I- it never came up.”

“I know your favourite colour is blue but your wife didn’t come up?” Ed laughed, an empty, vacant laugh.

Stede was quiet. Ed could feel him fidgeting nervously next to him, wringing his hands like wet cloth.

“I was… afraid.” That was…not the answer he was expecting. “We got married so young. Basically as soon as we graduated. I suppose I never mentioned it, because I didn’t want you to think less of me. For having a highschool sweetheart shotgun wedding.”

Ed turned to him, and fuck was that a mistake. Stede looked so devastatingly soft, and so devastatingly unsure.

“What part of me makes you think I’d ever judge you, Stede?” He asked, brows furrowing.

“I- god, you’re right. I’m sorry Edward, you’re lovely, of course you wouldn’t have- I should have known-” Edward ignored the lovely and held up a hand to stop Stede’s apologetic rambling.

“It’s fine, mate. Caught me off guard is all.” Ed lied and Stede’s shoulders visibly relaxed.

—-

Ed spent what felt like an extended eternity in that study, surrounded by Stede and Stede’s things and Stede’s books. But he had to rejoin reality eventually, so he slunk out of the room many many minutes after Stede had exited to host his own party; careful to the outskirts of the already former social circles.

He had no desire to join any conversations, but the talk he overheard was interesting enough.

“ Did you hear about the embezzlement? How pedestrian. ”

“ I heard a rumor that he was sleeping with his second cousin. His cousin! Could you imagine?”

“ You simply have to visit France in the Winter. It’s divine. Never did quite develop a taste for snail, though.”

“You’re positively glowly. When are you due? Not that you’re showing my dear!”

“ November. A thanksgiving baby, if all goes well.” It was Mary’s voice, pleasant and polite and gracious. She smiled courteously at an older woman, nursing a chilled glass of water— no wine, no liquor, no cocktails, not with a child on the way.

Ed wasn’t sure what he’d expected. That’s what married couples did, right? Buy a home, build a family. Fancyman was as nuclear as they came, it should have been no surprise that he’d want the traditional perfect job, perfect house, perfect 2.5 kids. And yet— it still stung.

Fuck did sting; a thousand tiny wounds eating, chipping, slicing away at Ed’s heart. A heart he had thought had found love. But, as he was learning, it was a tainted and dark and painful kind of love. An unrequited kind of love. A dangerous kind of love.

And still, Ed couldn’t bear to let it go.

Even if-

Stede Bonnet’s wife was pregnant.

Start here 🍹

[lale-txt]

comforting their lover on a bad day w/ Rayleigh & Roger & gn!reader

a/n: i was having ✨a day✨ and needed to write my silly little men for comfort. that's it. maybe they bring you some, too <3

word count: 793

It was one of those days where you just wanted to disappear. 

You couldn’t tell why, but the tiniest things felt like walking on glass and made you want to scream and cry for three days straight; you despised your own mood so much and were a menace to be around, snapping at the people you loved the most. When your favorite plate slips out of your hands and shatters on the ground, sending what was supposed to be your comfort snack flying, you simply burst out in hot, angry tears. 

You were so fucking useless.

Not being able to stand the worried faces of your crew members, you run off to your cabin, ignoring the voices that call out your name until you slam the door close behind you, your vision blurry. Your face felt so hot from the rage and the shame and you could hardly catch your breath. If only you could crawl out of this skin or rinse your brain under cold water. You kick off your shoes with quiet sniffles and crawl straight into your unmade bed, pulling the blanket over your head where you allow yourself to bawl until your head hurts from all the crying. At least the throbbing muted your horrid thoughts for a bit and let you slip into a restless slumber. 

It is already dark in your cabin when you wake up again, a big hand carefully brushing your hair out of your face. You could have sworn you heard some knocking on your door earlier in your dreams. Sadness still had a tight grip around your heart; it was the kind which didn’t just disappear after some sleep, it never did. You lean closer into the touch, trying not to cry on the spot again. 

“Today is rough, huh?” Rayleigh’s voice is soft and forgiving, pulling on your heart strings. “But we’re here now.”

You blink a few times, letting your eyes adjust to the darkness in the room. Rayleigh is sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over you, his hand resting on top of your head. Next to the bed is Roger, squatting down, his shirt loosely unbuttoned, his big captain’s hat sitting on the table in the corner. You can tell his eyes are full of worry as he gently takes your hand peeking out from under the covers and places a big kiss on top of it, mumbling your name.

“I’m so sorry, I just–” 

And here came the tears again. You cover your face with your free hand, sobbing quietly. Everything was just too much, everything felt so fragile, as if you could shatter into a million pieces any second. You felt like you didn’t deserve their love, that they were better off without miserable old you; as if you robbed them of their sunshine with your existence alone. You curl up into a ball, unable to look your two lovers in the eyes, their touch burning on your skin with deep desire and guilt.

The captain and his first mate exchange worried glances but immediately know what to do. Roger doesn’t let go of your hand, no matter how badly you try to pull it away; instead he gets up and crawls into bed with you, pulling your figure against his broad chest. Rayleigh robs in the niche between you and the wall, hugging you tight from behind, nuzzling his face in the back of your neck, soft kisses trailing down your spine. 

Sandwiched between them you allow yourself to wail, letting go of all the frustration that built up inside of you over the past few days. You still felt miserable but their reassuring words, whispered into the dark, found their way into your heart, sending tiny sparks through it like fireflies. There was no place like home except in their arms, it was where you felt the safest you ever had. Rayleigh is kissing the spot behind your ear, mumbling how much he loved you while Roger had his arms around the two of you, kissing you both on top of your heads. 

You can feel your body relaxing a bit, sinking deeper into their embrace, letting them love you in a way you feel like you don’t deserve it but still crave it; your heart bathing in their adoration for you. It will take a while until you shake off this darkness inside of you, but you have a feeling that everything will gonna be okay in the end as long as these two would be there to pick you up again, both holding out a hand for you to help you spread your wings so you could fly towards the sun again; knowing they would be there to catch you, too.

[ithebookhoarder]

“You’d eventually had to return to your duties, leaving your moment of passion in the library, to remain as one of the stories contained there.”

my fav line!!!! i loved your eloise x reader fic it’s stunning. if you take requests then perhaps something with a little angst? your writing is beautiful

This Love (Eloise Bridgerton x F!Reader)

A/N: I... I'll be honest. I just teared up. I originally wrote 'The Sun and The Moon' for Eloise when I first got into this fandom, so to know you enjoyed it makes me giddy. I was also listening to Taylor Swift and she makes me feel too much - hence the title.

I'm combining it with this, if that's ok, as it's Eloise pain train - apparently, in my inbox. Y'all like some angst 😅 and who am I to deny you? 👇

Masterlist:

“Your kiss, my cheek, I watched you leave Your smile, my ghost I fell to my knees When you're young, you just run But you come back to what you need”

(‘This Love’ - Taylor Swift)

You didn’t want to leave. 

It was that simple, even if the circumstances that took you from England’s shores were not so. Then again, you’d learned very early on in life that one couldn’t chose who they were blessed with - or cursed, in your case - to call family. 

Why, if you’d had any say in the matter, you’d have cast off your biological ancestry some years ago and wouldn’t now be faced with being dragged off to the continent so that your father could attend to business, in Italy of all places. 

Of course, it wasn’t exactly your grandfather’s fault he was dying, but you still felt like blaming him for being the cause of such disruption to your life here in London. After all, it was his death that took you across the ocean, and to inherit the fortune left now in your father’s name - something you had been told was as good as done, whether or not you liked it. 

You did not like it. 

Why did you have to go? Surely your father could handle his business without you and the rest of your family in tow? Did it really mean you had to leave for almost half a year? And that was travelling … who knew how long your father would insist on staying at his ancestral home, once you arrived? 

The whole thing made no sense to you, yet that didn’t change the outcome. Hence, you were now stood, hidden behind a wood shed, a few metres from the gangplank that would take you onto the ship set to sail half way around the world. 

Well, in fairness, your current predicament was actually due to the woman stood in front of you, who had somehow managed to abscond her family home in London and ride through the night to Dover, without anyone stopping her. 

Then again, that was Eloise all over. It was why you loved her… she was so stubborn, and headstrong, and a hundred other things… all of which, caused your heart to feel as if it were shattering into a million tiny pieces. 

It was also why you had written to her, telling her of your imminent departure, and that any and all affection that existed between you would have to be forgotten - it was for the best after all. One couldn’t be expected to care for someone who was disappearing for some godforsaken amount of time, with very little indication when you would return. 

It wasn’t fair to her and it wasn’t fair to you… or so you had wept, bitterly tossing the small lock of hair she had granted you into the fire. Just like that symbol, your love would have to be reduced to mere ashes, swept away out of sight and - hopefully - memory. 

It was also why you had written to her, telling her of your imminent departure, and that any and all affection that existed between you would have to be forgotten - it was for the best after all. One couldn’t be expected to care for someone who was disappearing for some godforsaken amount of time, with very little indication when you would return. It wasn’t fair to her and it wasn’t fair to you… or so you had wept, bitterly tossing the small lock of hair she had granted you into the fire. Just like that symbol, your love would have to be reduced to mere ashes, swept away out of sight and - hopefully - memory. 

It was also why you had sent that letter, rather than calling on her in person to deliver the news; you knew you weren’t strong enough to say goodbye. Not when it meant breaking the heart of the woman you loved, and had loved, for as long as you could remember. 

You and Eloise had been close since your infancy. 

In a way, you considered the Bridgertons and their home, as your own - much more so, than your actual family and their residence. It wasn’t that your parents weren’t good people, more that they had just never understood you. 

That, and they were far more occupied with their precious eldest son - the heir to the family’s estate and business in England - to pay attention to you.  

In fact, that was how you and Eloise had originally met, all those years ago. Your family had taken you all to the park for the day, but in the midst of flying kites, had failed to notice when you disappeared. 

Your own kite had drifted away into the trees, so you had hurried to fetch it, after telling your mother you were doing so. She had simply nodded, but had most likely not actually heard a word you said… why else had they moved on without you? You had barely been gone a whole five minutes, yet when you emerged from the undergrowth, kite in hand, they had been no where to be found. 

That had been when Eloise had found you… and practically adopted you then and there. 

You would never forget Violet Bridgerton’s face as she spotted you and Eloise, hand in hand, emerging from the woods towards the blankets where she and her other children sat. 

Eloise had taken you by the hand and tugged you forward, like some great treasure she’d found buried. “This is Y/N. I’ve brought her to join us,” she’d announced helpfully.

Lady Bridgerton, with fewer grey hairs than she had now, had blinked in surprise. “Does Y/N’s family know she’s here?” she’d asked. 

This consideration had, indeed, eluded both you and Eloise. Eloise considered a moment. “No.”

Her worst fears about her daughter’s role as kidnapper confirmed, Lady Violet looked sternly at her wayward daughter. “Well, you are going to have to return her.”

“It’s all right,” you said, matter-of-factly. “They don’t want me returned.”

“Oh. I see.”

And she had - in fact, for Violet Bridgerton, that had been that. You were firmly ensconced in the Bridgerton household. 

A few weeks in to you spending most days in their home, Violet Bridgerton did write a letter to your parents, on the theory that they might somehow resent the appropriation of their offspring, who seemed to spend almost every day with them. 

However, she received a reply that seemed so devoid of the slightest concern for you, that Lady Bridgerton muttered a few very uncomplimentary things in the general direction of your parents, and set about having a bed put in to Eloise’s room, for whenever you chose to stay the night - something she assured you, you were always welcome to do so. 

Needless to say, some years on, you loved the Bridgertons with all you heart, and their headstrong, wild, daughter, Eloise. You loved her, even now, as she stood before you with a face like thunder, ranting and raving about the fact you had almost left the country with only a few scraps of parchment left behind as an explanation. 

She was ethereal when she was cross. 

It was like witnessing a wild stallion racing across the countryside, free and utterly unrestrained, with her chestnut mane loose and dishevelled in the sea breeze that whistled down the alleyway. 

Her eyes were wide and her chest heaved with every enraged breath, her arms waving wildly like some actress upon the stage. 

Oh, how you wanted to kiss her. 

“I am not some carpet bag, for you to discard with barely a word!” 

“I know.”

“-and do you know what it’s like? To be cast aside so carelessly?-”

“Eloise.” 

“And another thing. It was cruel - cruel for you to decide what was best for me, without ever giving me a chance to decide for myself. Otherwise, if you had, you’d have realised I want this. I want you, no matter how far apart we are or for how long! I don’t need someone perfect in the eyes of everyone else. I just need someone perfect for me, and that is you.” 

Eloise’s words left you breathless… and her too, given the fact she seemed to be panting by the time she stopped, letting the magnitude of her declaration linger in the air between you. You didn’t know what to say. Somehow, she seemed to have voiced all the words you could ever dream of saying. 

It felt as if you were back in that library all over again, the day you had both first declared what you felt for one another. The same butterflies you had experienced then, a mixture of love, uncertainty, and pain, consumed you once more as you faced yet another impossible decision - a choice to step into the unknown, to risk what you both had together. 

Was it any wonder tears poured from both your eyes? 

“I… I’m sorry,” you choked, hoping she could see your sincerity. “I never wished to hurt you, and I’d hoped that perhaps your anger at me would eventually help dull the pain of my departure. That, and that I could spare us both this pain of saying goodbye in person. After all, you are the person who means the most to me, Eloise, in all the world. I am incomplete without you, and yet that is what I must be now, for who knows how long. I - I can’t ask you to wait for me… for us.” 

“And why not?” Eloise snarled. “Why not? Because you were afraid I wouldn’t? Or because I would?” 

She was right. 

There was no hiding from that fact, especially now. Not when she had come all this way, not when time had all but run out, and not when she was stood there, confronting you with the truth you had kept hidden deep inside. To hear someone else say it, aloud, was all it took for you to feel the shame and pain you’d been doing your best to suppress since the moment you had sent that blasted note. 

“I was trying to protect you.”

The words sounded as weak as you’d feared them to, the truth all too clear beneath them. 

Eloise could clearly sense it given the way she scoffed, looking almost offended by the very notion. “I do not need your protection. I never have, y/n. I chose you all by myself, fully aware and apprised of the risks of doing so.” 

“I know that, but what else was I supposed to do?”

“Talk to me? Trust me?” 

“You’re right,” you sighed. “I’m sorry.” 

“Well, at least you’re sorry,” Eloise grumbled under her breath, even if your words had clearly gone some way towards appeasing her temper. 

Maybe that was what gave you the confidence to continue your confession. After all, there was no point fighting it, not when this was the last chance either of you may ever have to say what you needed to in person. 

“What do you want me to say, El? The truth? That, leaving is the last thing I want to do? That, every part of me aches at the idea of being without you? That, all I want in the world is to be with you and to have the life we’ve been dreaming of?”

“… that would be a start, yes.” Eloise took a deep breath. “Look, I know I may not be the most eloquent when it comes to these things, but I needed to at least look you in the eye before you left. To say I love you, that I want to be with you, and that I am willing to wait for you if you are willing to have me - that is what I would have said right away if you’d told me about all this in person.” 

A ghost of a smile tugged at your lips. “I am sorry I didn’t get to hear that, but at least you said it now.” 

“In all honesty, I don’t know how I’ll manage without you the next couple months. Which is why I want something for us to hold onto, a promise of what’s waiting for us when I return.”

She reached into the pocket of her coat, and removed a small leather pouch. What she pulled out had you gasping in shock. 

“Rings?” 

“Yes. As a symbol of a promise,” Eloise explained, her cheeks burning with sudden embarrassment at the idea. “Like engagement rings, but we can wear them on whatever finger we chose - and they’re for us, rather than anyone else. A sign for ourselves of our love, and that we will be together again.” 

She sounded so resolute that you couldn’t help but also believe it. 

“You brought us rings?”

Eloise nodded. “I apologise, as I was almost late coming here I was in such a rush trying to find them, but I needed something to show you… to prove what I’m saying.” 

“Oh, I believe you. I believed you the moment you got out that carriage and dragged me behind a wood shed,” you half laughed, half sobbed, an overwhelming surge of emotion consuming you. “But I love these, all the same. They’re beautiful.” 

The rings were cold as they slid onto your fingers, the metal bands glimmering in the morning sunshine. 

It was odd, and thrilling, and just a little bit terrifying.

Yet… gratifying, too. You’d both done something crazy, opening yourself up to one another in such a way, even now. Especially now, if you were being honest. 

After all, Eloise had run off in the middle of the night, hoping to find happiness with you - even though you were set to leave the country by daybreak. And you? You had it in you to hope… to risk opening yourself up once more, even though your future remained uncertain.

It was a relief to think that maybe it hadn’t all been a complete mistake, that maybe you’d both gambled with your futures and won.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The kiss was passionate, even if brief, cut short by the loud bell of the ship ringing out in warning it would soon be departing. Your mother could also be heard calling your name in the distance, clearly anxious by your absence. 

“I… I should go.”

“I should also leave, before Mama sends out a search party,” Eloise sighed, holding you close for just a moment more. “I may have bribed the footmen to bring me here and I fear she will be waiting for me when I return.”

“Eloise!”

“What? I didn’t have time to ask her. She was already asleep when I found your note.” 

“Well, I’m glad you came,” you chuckled. “Your mother will understand, I’m sure. If not, blame me for she cannot punish me if I’m in Italy… Mine is less forgiving.”

As if she could hear you, your mother chose to once again call your name, clearly becoming agitated by your absence. However, you knew you had a few moments more before you had to fear discovery. The chances of your mother venturing down this alleyway were slim to none, let alone her risking a peak behind a woodshed. She was far too concerned with her pretty hemlines to dare stepping off the well swept streets. 

“Indeed,” Eloise acknowledged. “I will await your letter with confidence, for I know you will keep your word… else I shall be forced to sail after you and deal with your myself.” 

“Don’t tempt me. Who knew it would be so easy? Withholding a letter could bring you to my side again-”

“Ha,” she chuckled. “Colin will likely be travelling soon again, so I can always send him in my place, to hold you accountable.”

“Well, he would be more than welcome to visit, but I promise to write anyway - without your brother’s persuasion. I swear.”  

“Good,” Eloise whispered, taking a deep breath. “Now, go… leave, before I am unable to let you - or worse, your mother finds us and throws us in the harbour.” 

“You’re a menace!” 

“Yes, but your menace - and don't forget it.” 

“As if I possibly could.” You meant that whole heartedly, and you knew by the watery nod she gave in return that she understood it. “This isn't the end, merely a new chapter in our story. One, which we will keep on writing.”

It was an oath you both swore then and there in the first rays of sunlight, a new day dawning all around. 

You swore it with the final kiss you stole. 

You swore it with the ring you now wore on your hand, never to be removed for as long as you lived. 

You swore it as you climbed aboard the ship, catching her eye one final time across the crowd as she stood by her carriage and waved. That was the image you would hold on to until you were next standing on English soil - a fact you were sure to mention in your first letter, which you wrote that very night. 

You would send it - along with the rest you would write for her, everyday - the moment you reached the next port. For, as you signed the bottom of the note, you were: 

Eternally yours - until we meet again, my love,

Y/N

[aamalaaa]

river | knj

pairing: idol!namjoon x reader

genre: fluff on top of fluff

warnings: bike accident, Joonie is a bit sad at first but it’s very short :((

word count: under 1k

a/n: this is just a very sweet little drabble I hope you like it!

// I made a second drabble on this pairing here

-

-

The moment Namjoon had met Jungkook’s new girlfriend at the Jack In The Box pre-release party and had seen how enamoured with each other they were, it’s like something had clicked within him. Like he realized at that moment he didn’t have to be alone.

He could want to fall in love again. It wasn’t selfish or egoistical, he deserved to find someone, to be happy and share that happiness with another person.

And so with that mindset, he went on a few dates, never finding exactly what his heart was longing for.

It’s not that they’re not good enough or kind enough. They just don’t stir something deep within him, he never feels the urge to kiss them after walking them home or contact them again for a second date.

And thus, he began to feel unmoored and disenchanted.

Like maybe, he just isn’t meant to find that someone.

And so he does what never fails to bring him comfort, he goes biking along the Han River. Watching in awe how the wind blows through the green summer leaves, wondering if there’s a melody to it that the human ear cannot quite catch.

He basks in the warm breeze, watching people go by, children laughing, couples holding hands.

That’s when he sees you.

You’re like a magnet and he finds himself caught in your magnetic field, under your spell. Soft gusts of wind keep blowing strands of hair in your face, blurring your vision.

And that’s how you fall off your bike, hands right in front of you to try and soften the fall.

He gasps and immediately start biking faster to get to you, heart skipping a beat.

When he does, you’re still down, probably a bit shocked at the sudden accident and he gets off his bike in a hurry, the vehicle falling to the side instantly. He can’t bring himself to care at this moment.

He kneels down next to you. “Are you hurt, how do you feel?!” He asks, voice laced with concern.

You turn your head towards the deep voice, cheeks an endearing shade of cherry red.

“Y-yeah.. I think so..?” Your voice comes out a bit shaky.

You’re very much embarrassed, that he can tell. He feels an urge to help you, tuck the strands of hair that had fallen in front of your eyes behind you ears and keep you safe.

Instead of doing something that embarrassing and inappropriate, he simply extends his arm towards you, palm up.

You eye him, gaze a bit wary before you accept his silent offer and take his hand. You yelp in discomfort when he squeezes your hand to help you up, your palm being bruised and cut.

“You are hurt,” You stare into his dark eyes and your own pair seem to widen, like you’re recognizing someone you know.

Except, if Namjoon already met you, he’s positive he would’ve remembered.

How could someone ever forget meeting you? You have the most beautiful presence he’s ever been lucky enough to witness. He would be the stupidest man known to existence to not at least try and get to know you.

“It would.. seem so yeah” you whisper, like you’re both in a tiny space where there only exists you and him, afraid that if you speak just a little too loud, the moment’s going to end, shatter into a million pieces, like glass, all around you.

Namjoon is enthralled by you. He feels possessed by your being and those sharp orbs. They seem to hide secrets and dreams that will probably never be uttered. He never believed in love at first sight, never will.

What he believes in is two souls meeting and immediately feeling comforted by each other, drawn to each other. That’s what he feels with you, he’s certain of it.

“I can help, I have a first aid kit in my backpack, can I..?” His voice is deep and just shy of a whisper.

You nod and he smiles, beautiful dimples on display. His presence feels like a warm hug from a dear friend, you feel fuzzy and safe, it’s strange. In a good way, a comforting way.

You both settle on the grass a few feet away from where you had fallen and he tends to your wounds. You blush profusely while he laughs and comforts you. You both get to talking about life, your wildest dreams, family, the meaning of words.

Before you know it, sunset comes, bringing you back to reality. But what is reality? It isn’t the reality he had known barely a few hours ago, he feels hopeful and reinvigorated now. Funny how one meeting can change so many things.

“Will I see you again?” He questions shyly, picking at the grass.

You smile coyly at him and your cheeks adorn a cute shade of pink. You’re adorable he thinks, for probably the hundredth time today.

“Same place, same day, next week?” You look at him, eyes hopeful and a little embarrassed maybe.

He takes your hand in his and rubs his thumb on the back of it, your skin is so soft and he, is simply human. How could he resist?

“Can’t wait” He replies, gaze locked into yours, unwavering. And he means it, god he means it.

[princehrry-writings]

Legal Guardian

ugh this took way too long lol, but here it is!!! i forget exactly that sparked this but i thought it was a cute idea.

warnings: injuries (nothing major), hospitals, cursing, harry being a protective dad 🥺, talks about adoption and legal guardians, crying

wordcount: 2481

harry styles x reader, stepdad!harry x reader, stepdadharry x oc!stella

masterlist

Stella gets hurt and Harry is the only one there- but he has no legal jurisdiction…

.

.

.

It all happened really fast. Harry can’t even recall how it started, but he knew very well how it ended. A sobbing Stella strapped into her car seat as he raced to the emergency room, frantically calling Y/n who was in a different state on a work trip.

The 5 year old didn’t understand what was going on, she just knew she was hurting… really bad. And that she wanted her mommy and daddy.

The traffic seemed to be working against him, getting in his way at the most inconvenient times, all the while he was trying to console his weeping daughter, crying out “Daddy it hurts so bad!” effectively shattering his heart into a million little pieces.

Stella had been playing happily in the backyard at home, showing off her wonderful dance moves to Harry who watched with an adoring smile on his face, taking little videos to send to his fiance, when suddenly she was laying on the ground, clutching her ankle, and crying for him to come get her. He rushed into action, not having seen her take the fateful step into what must have been a hole in the ground or something.

Screeching into the hospital car park, he stops somewhere he obviously wasn’t supposed to but he couldn't care less. His mind was racing. What if she broke her ankle? Or tore a ligament? What if she has to get surgery? All of this is what he worries about as he flings the back door of his car open, trying his best to appear calm for his daughter (but it’s not really working), and scoops her carefully into his hold, bringing her inside and shouting for someone to please help him.

A few nurses rush to his side, asking him different questions and asking for someone to “Page Dr. Robbins, tell her we need a peds consult.”

Stella is whisked away from him and before he can start to follow after her, a hand is placed on his chest, stopping him in his place.

“Sir, we can’t have you in the room with her. You’re not on her file as a legal guardian!” A doctor tells him. In that moment, he sees nothing but red, steam pouring out of his ears.

“The hell I can’t, I’m her father! I’m not going to let her sit in there all alone while strangers poke and prod at her!” He all but yells at the man. Harry is not violent. He really isn't. But he’s not afraid to lay somebody on their ass when it comes to his girls. With kindness or course. And maybe a black eye.

From the room she was taken into he can hear her crying for him.

“Wan’ my daddy! Daddy!” Harry didn’t think his heart could break any further than it already had but he was proven wrong by the ache in his chest that only grew stronger the longer he was kept away from his lovebug.

“Doctor, respectfully- if you don’t move the hell out of my way, I will move you myself. That is my daughter, and my fiance is in a different state right now on a business trip so I am the only parent she has right now. If you try to keep me from my child I will take legal action against the hospital and sue for everything you’re worth. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Harry is seething, trying to move past the man in the white lab coat and light blue scrubs. Again, he is stopped.

“I will call security, sir!”

“DADDY!” Stella is now screeching, her little voice hoarse from all the yelling and crying.

“Don’t you fucking hear that? She needs me, and you’re telling me I can’t go be with her! What the hell kind of doctor are you?” Harry is in the man's face, pointing at him vehemently. He doesn’t care that people are starting to watch the scene. Doesn’t care that some people have recognized him and are recording the ordeal. Let the people see him fighting for his family. He doesn’t give a rat's ass if his “image” takes a hit. His daughter is on the line and he won’t back down.

“She’ll be fine-”

“No she won’t! Go ahead and call security. My daughter needs me and you’re not going to stop me from being in that room with her.” With that he pushes past the doctor (who must be an intern or something with how he’s handling this situation) and rushes into the room where his baby is screaming for him. He’s at her side in a matter of seconds, wiping the tears from her face, peppering kisses onto her head, petting her wild hair back from her face, just consoling her in any way that he can.

How fucking dare they try to keep him from her, especially when she’s in a state like this.

“It’s ok baby girl, daddy’s here now. I’ve got you. You’re ok, you’re ok!” He mumbles into her hair, doing his best to stay out of the way of the people examining her but still close enough so she knows he’s right there with her.

Little tears still streamed down her face but she was much calmer now, her breathing more even and body less tense.

“Mr. Styles we’re bringing in the portable x-ray to take a look at her ankle, so you’re going to need to wear this.” He nods and takes the vest given to him, putting it over his shoulders like he sees the others do. A similar article is placed over Stella, who is clinging to Harry’s hand, fearing that she’s going to have to be without him again. But he promises he isn’t going anywhere.

As they’re taking the x-ray his phone starts ringing in his pocket and he checks to see that it’s Y/n calling him back.

“H, what’s wrong, is she ok?” Her panicked voice rushes out as soon as the call connects.

“We’re in the ER right now and she’s getting an x-ray to see what’s going on with her ankle-”

“You’re in the room with her right? She’s not alone?”

The little shards of his heart keep breaking into smaller and smaller pieces as her voice breaks.

“Yeah, I’m right next to her. Don’t worry m’love, she’s not alone!” He glared at the doctor that tried to keep him out as he said that, letting him know he hadn’t forgotten.

“I’m gonna facetime you so I can see her.” She said and he nodded, waiting for it to come through. When it did he quickly accepted it, seeing the love of his life’s face on the screen, with her puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks as she wiped away the remaining tears so she didn’t freak out her baby.

“Stell, mumma’s on the phone, she wants to talk to you.”

“Hi baby girl!” Y/n said as soon as Harry held the phone so Stella could see her mom. The little girl's tear stained cheeks looked exactly like her moms, and her heart broke for her baby.

“Hi mumma,” Stella pouted into the camera, clutching onto her daddy as tight as her little hand could. Harry was a little uncomfortable but he would take this over not being in here at all.

“How do you feel, baby? You ok?” She asked.

“My foot hurts and they wouldn’t let daddy in here and I was scared, but he’s here now so I’m ok.” The little girl rambled off. Y/n almost missed how she said they wouldn’t let Harry in the room but when it finally registered, she was fuming. Absolutely, royally pissed.

“What do you mean they wouldn’t daddy in there?” Stella shrugged and looked up at Harry for an answer. He brought the phone back so he could see her after looking around at the doctors in the room, all doing their job and pretending they weren’t listening to this conversation, but a few of them winced when Y/n asked her question.

“Some bloke tried to keep me out of the room while Stella was being examined but she was on the verge of a whole breakdown. It was like Disneyland in Paris all over again.” He said, referencing the time Harry took his girls to Disneyland while they were in Paris and Stella got separated from her mom and dad. She had never not been able to see at least 1 of her parents before. Needless to say… she didn’t handle it very well. Screaming, crying, and hyperventilating (which freaked her out even more- causing her to scream louder and cry harder) ensued very shortly, disturbing every person around her. But it made it easy for them to find her and she spent a very very long time clutching her tiny arms around her daddy’s neck, not letting him set her down for anything. That was an interesting trip to the bathroom …

“Why would they try to keep you out of the room? You’re her father!” Y/n was on the verge of popping a blood vessel. Of course the one time her baby really needs her, she’s hours away.

“Uh, Mr. Styles, I’m so sorry to interrupt! But the x-ray is complete. There’s no break, it looks like a sprain at worst. Also, about why my intern was saying you weren’t allowed in the room, not that I was listening to your conversation, with ped’s cases we typically only allow legal parents or guardians in the room and your name isn’t anywhere on her file or on her records so he was just trying to follow safety protocols. He didn’t go about the situation as well as he should have because we always want to make sure our patient has what they need and that was obviously you- but that is the reason why you initially weren’t let into the room. You’re not a legal parent or guardian. Based on your situation- you’re legally considered a step-parent and that title doesn’t come along with any legal jurisdiction.” Dr. Robins explained, in quite a few words Harry thinks, but he doesn’t say anything about it. Just sits and realizes that while for the better part of a year and a half, he’s been calling himself Stella’s dad but the whole he’s not been anything… not legally anyway.

Y/n realizes this too and makes a mental note to call their lawyers to do something about that.

“That makes sense… Thank you, Dr. Robbins! I have her mum on the phone, but you knew that, so if there’s anything else I legally can’t do, she’ll have to take care of it like thi-”

“Mr. Styles, we won’t tell if you don’t! Anything else that needs to be signed, we’ll just go ahead and have you do it. Save the hassle for everyone.” Dr. Robbins interrupts him and he smiles, silently thanking her.

“Daddy, what's a legal guardian?” Stella asks after a quiet moment.

“A legal guardian is someone who takes care of you because the law says they can. So because I didn’t help mumma make you and I came into your life a little later, I’m not a legal guardian of you. Not yet anyway.” He mumbles the last part but Y/n catches it.

“Does everyone have a legal guardian?” She hiccuped, rubbing at her eyes with the hand that wasn’t clutching Harry’s.

“At one point yeah, but once you get older you don’t need one anymore because you can take care of yourself.”

The girl pauses, thinking about her daddy’s words before muttering “Don’t wanna take care of myself. Wanna stay with you and mumma forever.”

All the little shards of his heart slowly start to piece back together.

“I want you to stay with me and mumma forever too lovebug.” He cooes. Y/n’s eyes light up, her gaze filled with adoration for her little family.

. * .

*

“The documents are all drawn up Mrs. Styles, everything is ready for your husband to sign.”

“Thank you so much Ben!”

. * .

*

“Baby, c’mere. Wanna talk to you about something.”

“Yeah mommy?”

Y/n took a deep breath, trying to quell the tears she could already feel threatening to fall. Her newly wed husband sat beside her on the couch, running his hand along her back and squeezing her shoulder and letting her know he was there if she needed him.

“Do you remember when you and Daddy had that conversation about legal guardians?” The woman asked, pulling her baby into her lap, brushing her hand over the girl's hair affectionately.

“Uhhh, kinda.” She murmured, curling into her mom.

“Do you remember what a legal guardian is?” Y/n rephrased, hoping to jog the girl's memory. Stella nodded and when prompted by her mother explained that “It’s someone who takes care of you until you're old enough to take care of yourself.”

“That’s right baby, very good!”

“And do you remember when we were at the hospital and that doctor was being mean, not letting Daddy into the room with you?” Harry chimes in, scooting closer to his girls. She nodded with a roll of her eyes and a huff of breath, causing a little giggle to erupt from her parents. She really is her mothers daughter.

“Didn’t like him.” She mumbles.

“Do you remember why they didn’t let him into the room?” Y/n asks, knowing she should probably get to the point before her little one checks out and gets bored.

“Cause daddy’s not my legal guardian.” Stella huffs again, rubbing her eyes and nuzzling further into her mom.

“Do you want him to be?”

Stella’s quiet for a moment, tapping her little finger on her chin like she’s thinking hard. “Yeah.”

“Yeah? You want that baby?” Harry asks, pulling her into his lap. The girl wraps her arms around his neck and lays her head on his shoulder, nodding.

“Yeah, Daddy. Want you to be able to come to the doctors with me.” She mumbles sleepily.

The tears Y/n had been fighting off finally broke through, despite her efforts. It’s official. Harry is going to adopt Stella and they would be a family in every sense of the word. No one would be able to take Harry's little girl away from him. All he had to do was sign the paper. Harry felt tears spring to his eyes as well, smoothing his hand along his baby’s back.

“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that…” He says, squeezing her a little tighter. Y/n snaps a quick picture before she snuggles into them.

“Love you Mommy, love you Daddy.” She murmurs before falling asleep in Harry's arms. Something that isn’t new, but feels different now for some reason. Things felt a little more official and he hadn’t even signed the papers yet.