#go back and educate yourselves

[meetmymouth]

it made me sick when i shouted WHOOOOO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEAAAA in the class and none of the children joined in because THEY DONT KNOW THE LYRICS

[septembersghost]

some of you have leaned so hard into your utterly empty, intellectually devoid, frivolous language that masquerades as progressive radicalism and sociological purity testing that you have fallen all the way into dehumanization and condemnation of the "other" to prove from behind your screens that you have joined the "correct side" of what is tantamount to hardline dogmatic thinking. if you suppress individual thought, compassion, open discussion, and malign the free press, you are not a progressive, you are a functional conservative in a different outfit. if you have decided that your abstract language and frothy ideals should be elevated above actual human life, and are using said language to divorce it from humanistic approaches to others and concern for their welfare, or worse, are using it to actively harass and frighten them, you are, in fact, the very enemy you claim to be fighting, and you should not be trusted, because your philosophies are built upon sand and will shift with the tides to make sure you are not affected by the damage that you do.

[nicromancytarot]

WHO IS COMING INTO YOUR LIFE ROMANTICALLY?

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 20-30 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what you need to know about the next person who is coming into your life romantically, pick a pile and find out what they had to say!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

This person is embodying the energy of the king of cups, they are giving off much more masculine energy, this doesn’t mean that they are a guy, however this person is more in tune with their masculine, leadership side. When you meet this person, they will be going with the flow, allowing life to take them wherever, and coincidentally they will find you.

I am getting the feeling that this person is new to most, if not all of you. So I’m not seeing any exes or reconciliations in this pile.

This person seems to have been going through something which led them astray or possibly ended in them getting hurt, for some this may have been a breakup.

Around the time that the two of you meet, they’re going to act like a taster for you, they’ll give you these little moments with them, which leave you waiting for more, yearning for them to allow you in some more, but you only receive a drip, a dribble of what they could actually give you.

They’ll keep this going on for a while, keeping you interested and guessing, during this time they may have you lined up as an accomplishment or trophy, they may still have feelings for an ex, and have you as a second option.

It will take a while to get out of the situationship and bring yourselves to something more committed and long term, honestly I’m seeing around 6-8 months of no label.

All while it can absolutely end well, it can give you what you desperately want in a relationship, the agony and anticipation may turn to be too much for you.

For those of you who choose to walk away from this without letting it grow or become anything more, you are making a good decision, you’re embodying the queen of wands energy, you don’t need anyone to define you or make you any more worthy than you already are.

For those of who choose to stay, be careful of your heart, make sure to protect your dignity and don’t let this person get you down, you can build something beautiful with a lot of patience and determination, however you are always ok to walk away.

PILE 2

A lot of you are getting over something at the moment, I’m unfortunately getting an ex, someone from your past who I’m not too sure that you received closure from when you last saw or spoke to them.

I do see this ex coming back into your life, if they come back during mercury retrograde, dawg bin them, we are in no need of negativity during this time! However, for those who do not come back during this current moment, either you will contact them, or they will contact you. I do see that a lot of you have some stuff to talk out with this past person.

The closure conversation won’t exactly go to plan, you may be sucked in by their drama, trauma dumping or a poor attempt to get you back. I do feel as though you will entertain this situation for a little, perhaps not too long, but long enough for some emotions and feelings to arise again.

However on the other side of things, you have someone completely new, someone who is willing to give you things that this past person wasn’t able to supply for you. This person is coming in hot and heavy, they will be very direct about what they want with you.

I feel like you’ve always been the one to make the first move, or admit your feelings, this person will turn your life on it’s head, they will be honest, direct, real and just very straightforward about what they desire.

They may say something along the lines of not wanting to be with you until you’re over your ex, this could be a drunken confession where you try to tell them that you are, and they tell you you’re not. It will either end up with you crying into their hands as they cradle your head, or some hot and heavy make out session lmao.

This person is willing to wait for you, they will be on the sidelines for as long as you need them to be. It doesn’t seem like they will be letting go easily.

The ex person is giving me twin flame vibes, meanwhile the new person is a soulmate.

So it’s either out with the old and in with the new, or out with the new and back to the old.

The choice is yours.

PILE 3

You guys seem to have gone through some type of break up as well lmao, something which forced you to let go of someone that you cared a lot about. If it’s not a relationship, then it’s a situation that had you up at night upset and stressing.

During this time there was this one person that you would confide in, this person was there to rub your back while you cried, and tell you that everything was ok.

They watched you through your healing journey, helping you become one with yourself and your expression once again, help you build yourself up until you felt comfortable in your own skin. This person is a people watcher, especially when it comes to you, they’re observing to the point of writing down every little thing about you, you could ask this person the colour of your eyes, or how many freckles are on your face and they would be able to answer without a second glance. They know you like they know themself.

This person may call you their flower or petal, you may have a flower relating name, something to do with how delicately they view you, you’re like a piece of china to them, one wrong touch and you’d break. They don’t want to break you.

They metaphorically stand by your bedside as you sleep, protecting you from every scary dream, or any unwanted negativity that could come your way, they want nothing more than to protect you and keep your safe, it’s their purpose.

You are Barbie, and they are just Ken. (No gender affirmed)

This person will wait for the right time before making their move, and when they do, they will resume leadership and continue to look after you for as long as you allow them to.

This person will love you like you have never been loved before, they will caress every inch of your skin as though you were sculpted by the Gods, they want nothing more than for you to be theirs, and them to resume being yours.

Because they will always be yours.

[perfectsunlight]

( 𝟯𝟵 ) ✏ goodnight

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: none

𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲

minjeong had been to hundreds of important dinners. her father took her on his business trips often, allowing her to be well educated in table manners and etiquette.

but she knew this wasn’t just any important dinner, it was dinner with your sister.

she was more nervous for this than her upcoming finals.

however, dinner went better than minjeong had anticipated. after all, she had been practicing what to say and do in the car on her way over to your house anyway. but even besides her preparation, your sister made her feel right at home at the table.

but nothing prepared her for how beautiful you looked all dressed up. sure, you showed up to every tutoring session overdressed. however, she had never seen you dolled up to this extent. every time her gaze landed on you, her heartbeat stuttered and she found herself struggling to focus on the food in front of her.

“your top, it’s chanel, right?” jennie asked with a small smile as she tilted her head to the side, subtly raising her eyebrows at your tutor. minjeong knew without a shadow of a doubt that jennie had caught her staring at you. the blonde glanced down at her shirt before looking up and nodding. “yes, it is. i believe my mother got it for me a while ago.” the idol hummed in response before chuckling. “did y/n ever tell you what happened to the first chanel bag i got her?” immediately, your face turned red and you glared at your sister from across the table. “hey!” 

the president’s eyes sparkled with curiosity as she looked between you and jennie. “no, she hasn't. what happened?”

you groaned, burying your face in your hands. your sister was embarrassing you on purpose in front of the girl you were head over heels for. “jennie, please don’t.”

your older sister ignored your plea, her smile widening. “so, i bought her this beautiful one of one chanel bag for her birthday. she was so excited and loved it so much that she insisted on taking it everywhere. but one day we were out at some korean barbecue place in new york and she accidentally dropped it on top of the side dishes.”

minjeong’s eyes widened, and she covered her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter. “oh, that’s not good. what happened then?”

jennie laughed, shaking her head. “she was mortified and the bag was covered in sauce and kimchi juice. we had to get it professionally cleaned overseas, and that was a whole other ordeal. but she learned her lesson about taking expensive bags to restaurants.”

you peeked out from behind your hands, face still flushed. “i was just excited, okay? and i was trying to be careful.”

the blonde turned to look at you with amusement in her eyes. “is that why you make me carry your bag when we go out to eat?”

you laughed, feeling the initial embarrassment melt away. “maybe.” 

minjeong chuckled, shaking her head. “well, you’re lucky i don’t mind.”

your heart fluttered at her words, and you smiled back, unaware of your sister’s smile forming at the sight of you two.

the rest of the evening passed in a comfortable haze, the three of you watching a movie together. jennie eventually excused herself to get some rest, leaving you and minjeong alone. not before she told you two to “behave yourselves.”

the living room was dimly lit, the only light coming from the tv screen, casting a soft glow over minjeong’s features. and just like in the car, you couldn’t stop yourself from admiring how beautiful she was.

after a while, minjeong broke the silence, snapping you out of your gaze. 

“i’ve noticed how hard you’ve been working. i’m proud of you, y/n. i know you’re going to do great on your finals.”

your chest swelled with gratitude and affection. all your efforts had made a difference in your grades, but you knew that your finals would make or break you. to hear such words of affirmation from the girl who had helped you made you feel entirely more grateful.

“thank you. that means a lot coming from you.”

the blonde’s eyes wandered from the screen to meet yours. there was something different about the way she looked at you. it was a look of admiration, mixed with something deeper, something that made your heart race. 

“stay.” you whispered, the words coming out before you could stop them. minjeong’s eyes widened slightly, a visible blush creeping up her cheeks, even in the dark. “stay?” she repeated, her voice barely audible.

you nodded, gathering your courage. “yes, stay. here.with me. please.” the glow of the tv screen danced shadows across both of your faces. “i’ve already moved out of the apartment on campus because finals are this week and i don’t want you to leave.”

the president couldn’t say no to the honesty in your voice, or the way you looked at her. then again, she didn’t think she could say no to you ever. 

“okay.” she whispered with a small nod. “i’ll stay.”

“thank you,” you breathed, feeling a surge of warmth towards her.

minjeong returned your smile, though a hint of shyness colored her expression. you gestured towards the stairs. “come with me.” the invitation was soft yet inviting, and the blonde knew you were not asking out of lust.

nodding slightly, the blonde followed you to your room. the air was charged with a newfound tension, a mixture of anticipation and nervousness. once inside, she closed the door behind her, the soft click echoing in the silence.

minjeong glanced around the room, her eyes taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. your room was fairly large, and definitely had your touch. despite the darkness outside, the room felt cozy and inviting.

the walls were painted in a soft shade of white that reflected the gentle illumination, giving the room a soothing ambiance. large windows with open shutters allowed moonlight to filter in, casting ethereal shadows on the plush white carpet that covered the floor, creating a tranquil atmosphere.

against one wall, a queen-sized bed took center stage, dressed in luxurious white linens adorned with a subtle pink floral pattern. the pillows and duvet were arranged meticulously, and minjeong felt comfortable just looking at them. above the bed, a white canopy hung elegantly, swaying gently in the night breeze that filtered through the slightly open window.

on each side of the bed, a sleek white nightstand held a softly glowing lamp with a blush pink lampshade, casting a soft, warm light that illuminated the delicate features of the room. a small stack of books and a delicate vase of pale pink roses added a touch of elegance and serenity to the bedside decor.

across from the bed, a comfortable nook was decorated with an armchair upholstered in pale pink velvet, adorned with a fluffy throw blanket that spilled over the armrest. there was an acoustic guitar along with an electric keyboard. next to the instruments was a record player and white bookshelf that held several vinyl records inside of it.

she never would’ve taken you for a music enthusiast, but given who your sister was, it wasn’t too surprising.

near the window was where your desk stood, its surface adorned with a few personal items and a softly glowing pink himalayan salt lamp that emitted a soothing ambiance. above the desk, a gallery of framed art in shades of pink and white added a personal touch and a hint of sophistication to the tranquil space.

however, there was one photo that caught her eye – it was you and your sister. 

the blonde gently lifted the frame, studying the photograph with a soft smile. she admired the way your eyes crinkled at the corners, mirroring the joy reflected in your sister’s expression. you looked way younger, but it was clear from the photo how much your sister meant to you. it was still evident, even now.

it reminded her of how she once was with her brother.

as minjeong set the frame back down, her gaze drifted back to you, who stood nearby, watching her quietly with a soft smile playing on your lips. your hands were tucked behind your back, hiding something from her view.

“i have something for you,” you said gently, your voice carrying a hint of excitement as you brought your hands forward, revealing a pair of hello kitty pajama pants. “i accidentally ordered two, so we can wear these and match.”

amusement settled onto the blonde’s features as she took the spare pair from you with a small smile. “they’re definitely more your style, but i think they’re cute.” she said before she held them up for a better look, the soft fabric swaying slightly in her hands.

you grinned, feeling a rush of warmth at her acceptance. “you can rock them too, don’t worry. let’s change and get comfy.” you replied as you motioned towards the bathroom that was connected to your room. “the bathroom is there.”

minjeong nodded, and the two of you quickly changed into the matching pajamas. the president hated to admit it, but she did like the pants. as she settled back on the edge of your bed, she couldn’t help herself but stare at you while you brushed your hair at your vanity.

your hair fell over your shoulder in ways the blonde could swear were perfect. the way you, usually overdressed and complaining about the weather affecting your hair or your skin, could look so beautiful in hello kitty pajamas and slippers.

“i feel like i’m at a sleepover,” minjeong remarked with a chuckle, looking down at the adorable pattern on her pants. “well, it is our sleepover,” you replied, your eyes sparkling with excitement. “now,” you rose from your chair and grabbed her hand to pull you towards the bathroom. “it’s skin care time.”

minjeong followed you, a smile tugging at her lips. “skincare time, huh? when is bedtime?”

you grinned and gave her a playful eye roll as you replied to her over your shoulder. “soon. it’s barely 11.”

“you do know i’m usually asleep by 10, right?” the blonde replied, but you ignored her comment and gently pinched her hand. “consider this your night of indulgence,” you teased, leading her into the bathroom. 

minjeong chuckled, shaking her head slightly but clearly enjoying herself. “alright, alright. i trust you won’t give me chemical burns or something.”

in the bathroom, you laid out a variety of products, explaining each one to minjeong with enthusiasm. she listened attentively, clearly intrigued by your routine.

at least, she was trying to pay attention, but it was hard to do so when you were so close to her face.

minjeong’s eyes flickered to your lips for a brief moment before meeting your gaze again. there was a playful, yet tender look in her eyes that made your heart race. “okay, i’m ready,” she said softly.

you gently applied the cleanser to her face, your fingers grazing her skin with a light touch. “see, it’s not so bad,” you said with a smile.

the other girl closed her eyes, clearly enjoying the sensation. “you’re right, it feels nice. feels expensive.”

“jennie got it for me, so i'd definitely bet on it being more than expensive.” you chuckled while the blonde took another subtle glance at your lips.

as you moved on to the next step, you found yourself leaning in even closer, your focus entirely on her. the room was filled with the soft scent of the products and the quiet sounds of your movements. when you applied the toner, you felt her shiver slightly under your touch.

“cold?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

“a little,” she admitted, her eyes opening to meet yours. “but it’s okay.”

you continued with the moisturizer, your fingers gently massaging it into her skin. minjeong’s eyes fluttered closed again, a content smile playing on her lips. the intimacy of the moment wasn’t lost on either of you.

once you finished, you stepped back to admire your work. “there, all done. how do you feel?”

minjeong opened her eyes, her gaze soft and appreciative. “amazing. thank you, y/n.”

you blushed under her intense stare, your heart pounding in your chest. “you’re welcome, minjeong.”

“do you want to sleep with me?” you asked on your way out of the bathroom. the blonde’s eyes opened wide and her jaw dropped slightly. “what?” she stuttered out, the sound causing you to turn around in confusion.

however, you quickly realized how you had worded your words.

“oh!” you exclaimed, “i meant like do you want to sleep here in my room or the guest room.” you rambled quickly, trying to explain yourself.

the president chuckled softly, a playful glint in her eyes. “oh, right. here is fine,” she replied with a warm smile, following you into the room. “as long as your sister won’t kill me in the morning.”

you chuckled, relieved that she took your clumsy phrasing in stride. “jennie won’t mind. she trusts you more than she trusts me.”

as you both settled onto the bed, there was comfortable silence that lingered between the two of you. however, you broke that silence after a few moments.

“i’m worried about finals.” you said in a voice barely above a whisper, eyes glued to the canopy above you. you had three final exams, which were all on friday, the last day of school. the blonde girl slowly turned her head to stare at your side profile, concern in both her irises and her heart. “you’ll do great, i know you will. i’ll help you get ready for them, too.”

your heart warmed at her supportive words, and you turned to face her, grateful for the reassuring presence beside you. “thank you, minjeong,” you replied sincerely, a small smile playing on your lips. “i appreciate that.”

she reached out and gently took your hand in hers, squeezing it gently while her heart raced against her chest. “i’ll be here to help you every step of the way.”

“but what about your finals?” you protested slightly, worried that the other girl would be too caught up in helping you that she would have no time to study for her own exams.

minjeong smiled reassuringly, her thumb brushing lightly over the back of your hand. “don’t worry about me. i’ve been studying since last week, and i’ll manage my time. besides,” she added with a gentle smile that reached her eyes, “helping you is just as important to me.”

you felt a surge of gratitude mixed with a touch of guilt. she had helped you so much this semester, and yet here she was, still willing to help you during the most important time.

“thank you,” you murmured sincerely, squeezing her hand in return. “i really appreciate it.”

her smile softened, and she leaned closer, her voice dropping to a whisper. “i want you to succeed, y/n. and i know you will.” the blonde hushed as she gently pulled you into her arms, the scent of your lotion and shampoo filling her senses.

you felt a rush of emotions as she gently pulled you into her arms, and you swore your heart was going to explode as it hammered. however, you could feel hers beating just as loudly once she fully pulled you in. her embrace was tender and supportive, just like you had always dreamed of it being.

resting against her, you felt a sense of calm settle over you. minjeong’s presence was a comfort to silence your nerves, easing the weight of impending exams and everything else that usually plagued your thoughts at this hour.

“now, let's get some rest. tomorrow, we tackle those exams together.”

“goodnight, minjeong.” you whispered as your eyes fluttered shut. you felt the blonde smile against you as she whispered back. “goodnight, y/n.”

but just as you were about to let sleep pull you under completely, you felt her lips pressing a feather-light kiss to your forehead.

𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧: @silantryoo @forever-in-the-sky2 @rosiehrs @urfriendlylocalidiot @chaewonluvsme @zhivaxo @baebeefyburrito @jisooftme @winterlve @mina1vr @rgxjsss @uzumakioden @bexisbomb @tzuyuscloud @cwpiqwon @dream-chasers-things @demtions @sewiouslyz @jeindall777

@writingficsblog @ad0rechuu @lauxymy4 @awkwardtoafault @popstaryunjin @hibernatinghamster @tocupid @myothegreat @yerevies @alexxis10 @sighsam @ddeulgiheree @kikelikesmc @ddoxhan @justalittledissociation @jenaissantex @captivq @lea-pg @skisk1 @justme-idle @neuftaeng

CLOSED.

[soobnny]

classmate au | kim sunoo

❝ no one is allowed to borrow my art materials except for (name) ❞

heeseung | jay | jake | sunghoon | SUNOO | jungwon | ni-ki

kim sunoo

sweet, sunshine, best friend kim sunoo

it was kind of SO obvious he wanted to be friends

like he wants to be close to you soooo bad and maybe it’s bc he saw u playfully bullying riki

it was love at first sight and an instant best friendship the moment you finally met

your seats were assigned so u were sat next to each other

THANK GOD U WERE

you two are basically inseparable now

sunoo strikes me as the type to just walk into the classroom and walk straight towards where you’re seated

at school events, he’d leave his backpack on the seat next to him to reserve you a seat

then he’d go “(name)!” while waving from his seat it’s actually kind of embarrassing

there is never anxiety of being seated next to a stranger bc sunoo has your back

he’d grab an extra mini fan from his bag to give to U bc these school events r always so scorching hot

sunoo does that “leaning against your locker while you get things” thing

he is so unaware of how HANDSOME he looks

oh and btw if you don’t attend class, he probably won’t in solidarity

in the chances that he does attend class, he usually sends you photos of his notes and everything you need to know

he’d be like i’m soooooo bored 2 minutes into the class without you like it hasn’t even STARTED

just prepare for his spam messages

after class, you’d buy street food and just gossip over it

you’d stare at what he bought and he’d roll his eyes before pushing the stick towards you so you can bite off it

YES feeding each other … normal best friend things

anyways moving on

another thing in my vision is that he’s the provider of art materials

the teacher suddenly lets you make a poster????

you know you’re secured bc sunoo is ur bff and will let only YOU borrow his supplies

“sunoo, let me borrow your colored markers”

“ok, which colors do you want” ☺️☺️☺️☺️

flat out will say no to everyone else tho

he’s kind of intimidating honestly despite having the sweetest smile

LIKE he’s friends with everyone but not friends friends

do you guys get what i mean

he is just a completely different person with you bc he trusts u the most and he just becomes CRAZY

like yall let him keep his crazy too much .. thank god you’re there for him to unleash it to

he’s one of the people who plays volleyball with riki and friends

but he’s absolutely horrible please save him

altho … why does he look so handsome playing even tho he can’t receive the ball? 🤨

he’d just laugh and crumble in embarrassment and you’d be the number one person cheering for him

(update after ella’s rb,, full credits to her) u would def put the blame on his teammates

“RIKI DO BETTER” even if it was 100% sunoo’s fault like so real

weird specific love language? buying each other water

he’s playing volleyball? you have a bottle of water for him in case he wants to sit out the game and watch with you

you’re finished with your physical education practical exam? he’s waiting for you with his big ass water jug

BUT LIKEEEE why is there a change in the air suddenly 😩😩😩

why is your best friend so boyfriend material actually

he holds your hand… holds it so firmly

sunoo gives the best hugs too

he makes you laugh and he’s so thoughtful with his stupid water and his art materials

even carries your things for you sometimes

AND yall take good photos of each other

“does my hair look fine?”

he’d reach out to fix it … tuck it behind your ear or look at you so intensely before going back to smiling n saying yup all good!

during the sports festival, yall are off joining some type of singing jingle cheer competition which is usually the first event

so you guys just joke around for the rest of the week, watch some events, and take LOTS of photos

you would laugh at your classmates

maybe even cheer for some of your friends

just as long as you’re next to each other

you probably bad mouth the opposite team BUT TO YOURSELVES .. not out loud

would clap so hard when your team wins a point !!!

also back to the taking photos detail

he’d just be dragging you everywhere to take photos bc when is the best time but NOW

ofc u do take his photos .. u ltrly take the Best

“sunoo, look, you’re so handsome here!”

and then you look up at him to see his reaction and he’s already looking at you

uh oh.

your faces are so close to each other like SO close

let’s step back and check the label 😂

BEST FRIENDS !!!!!

tho he does save u out of ur misery by asking you out a week later

bc apparently the sudden shift in air also happened to HIM

he brings it up as a joke first bc he’s testing the waters and he’s not trynna get rejected

“imagine if we were dating…..” and a long lingering pause in the air afterward

if you joked back with like a “LOL”, he’d know u don’t feel the same

but you ltrly go 😮 and so speechless bc why is he suddenly bringing this up when you’ve spent the last few nights thinking about him

did those tiktok manifestations work

did that tiktok audio actually get sunoo to like u back

“um… well! well, you see…”

“i like you”

“THANK GOD”

you guys are like waaaaay more inseparable now that you’re dating

your friends will fake vomit around u .. but don’t worry it’s just bc they’re bitchless

while u and ur bf sunoo are happily in love

btw he gets jealous easily TEARSSSSSS

he gets all pouty but don’t worry, you just have to Hug him and give him a kiss and he’s all smiles again

oh, and i feel the need to inform you that hugs are his favorite thing in the world

and CHEEK kisses like specifically cheek kisses.. he loves them

his ideal dates r just when you’re at each other’s house

you can order takeout and do your skincare together … watch the latest movies

his family loves you too

so much that they include your favorite snacks when they go grocery shopping

“sunoo, get those chips that (name) rly likes. u dont know when she might come over next!”

like they are ANTICIPATING you

enjoy dating i love sunoo

note. credits to user @.luvknow for the layout of this post! let me know what you think! please discuss these with me i’m crazy

[aespicysstuff]

Scream

Jenna Ortega x Fem!Reader

Description: "When Jenna can't help but fall in love with her coworker, but she's too much of a coward to confess believing you don't feel the same, however, the girl is wrong you would kneel for her."

Words: 18.1k

Saju: "ENJOY IT LOVE"

---

Jenna Ortega is a well-known name. She is an authentic woman with unreal beauty, creativity, cuteness, education, intelligence, and more. I could spend days complimenting her without getting tired. Like many people, I know Jenna from her works. Watching her performances on screen is already something gratifying and magnificent, but nothing compares to witnessing her talent in person.

How do I know this? Well, perhaps because, thanks to my job, I had the opportunity to work alongside one of the people I admire. Since a very young age, I have always been interested in parkour, martial arts, and boxing. Recognizing my potential in these areas, my father ensured I learned everything. Thankfully to him, I have the most enjoyable job – being a stunt double.

---

You logically started with small films and series, sometimes even commercials and a few games. You had begun to gain popularity among directors, especially after being the stunt double for Zoë Kravitz in "The Batman" and being the motion and body model for a new character in the Resident Evil game franchise. The director of "Scream VI" was looking for a stunt double for Melissa Barreram, the actress playing Sam Carpenter. Like other stunt doubles, you submitted a video showcasing your skills. After seeing your performance and how adept you were at both agile and heavy movements, they hired you for the role. You've been enjoying the experiences to the fullest.

At this moment, you were heading to the set and also meeting with the cast. During the filming, you had gotten close to almost all the actors, especially Jenna and Melissa. As you arrived, you spotted Jasmine and Mason from a distance, quickening your pace to reach them. "GOOD MORNING, BEAUTIES!" You kissed both of them on the cheek. "Good morning, lovely! You woke up in high spirits today," Jasmine said after you sat beside her. "I also noticed. Does it have something to do with a 5'1" Latina who loves playing characters with no sanity?" Mason teased while ruffling your hair.

You weakly slapped his arms, scoffing as they both broke into laughter. But when you were about to say something, a familiar scream interrupted. "MELISSA, STOP!" In minutes, you saw a small figure running towards you and hiding behind you. "Y/n, protect me, plea—" Jenna was interrupted by a furious Melissa chasing her. They ran around the table, making everyone laugh at the actresses' cuteness.

You decided it would be better to stop them before someone got hurt. You got up, caught Melissa in your arms, and held her tight. She struggled a little, but your grip was firm. Though she might be taller, you were stronger. You placed her beside Mason and sat back down, chuckling. Jenna sat beside you, and you offered her a water bottle. After she thanked you and turned to the group, you couldn't help but laugh at the situation.

Your eyes roamed every detail of her face, from her freckles to her dimple, her button nose, and the lips you wanted to feel so badly. Jenna felt her heart jumping in her chest, as if she would pass out from how intensely you were looking at her. She started leaning her face towards yours, interlinking her gaze between your eyes and your lips. Hypnotized, both of you were so entranced by each other that you didn't notice when you were called, "LOVE BIRDS!! WE HAVE SCENES TO SHOOT!! STOP EATING EACH OTHER AND GO TO THE SET!!" Jasmine, always the sweetheart, got your attention, making both of you jump a little and put some distance between yourselves.

The staff and some actors had already entered; only you and Jenna were missing. You remained in silence, trying to tame your heartbeats and your blush. You heard Jenna clearing her throat, "Uh... I-I think it's better if we go inside too." Jenna said while getting up and walking to the set, not giving you time to reply. You stayed for a bit longer, trying to absorb what just happened. Would you guys really have kissed if you weren't interrupted? You put your hands on your head, sighing, and started your way to the set.

You had started the recordings, and now you found yourself restless and apprehensive. At the moment, you were shooting the theater scene, and seeing Jenna hanging there wasn't pleasant. You couldn't believe how many times this girl faced danger without fear. She had mentioned loving to do her own stunts, and you couldn't blame her. You felt incredible after your own acrobatics. Still, you feared that one day she might get seriously injured. You couldn't help but worry about her.

You almost ran towards her when the director gave the order for her to fall, but you held back and sat down again. Her character and Jack's had a brief dialogue, and following the script, Tara thrust the knife into Ethan's mouth. You couldn't deny that seeing her smile of relief after her action and the blood on her face made you more infatuated with her than you already were.

Just as it was said, you knew Jenna from other works, and since then, you admired her. Just like her fans, you couldn't resist the charms of this Latina. Since the first day of filming, you've been falling more and more in love with her. She doesn't help much in easing these feelings since, from the first day, she hasn't let go of you. Not that you're complaining, but trying to stop liking her is almost an impossible mission.

You would really like to confess your feelings to Jenna, but you feel that she deserves someone better, someone who understands her (in the work sense) and who is a beautiful woman that fits with her. You're just the stunt double, the tomboy, as some call you, simply because you have a more sculpted body, a muscular physique, and a tomboyish style. You've always faced these kinds of unpleasant comments for these reasons. Your friends always comfort you, and your small fan community defends you as much as they can.

Jenna also always comforts you when some of these comments shake you. She always says that you're like a Doberman, always with a stern face, ready to snap at anyone who comes close. She said she feels safe with you, as if she were at home. Lost in your thoughts, you hadn't noticed that they had finished the scenes. You also didn't see a certain short girl watching you attentively.

Jenna observed every trace of your face, every bit of you. From your curly hair to your tattoos, she loves every part of you. She finds herself hopelessly in love with you, every aspect of you, habits, words—you leave her fascinated. It wasn't in her plans to fall in love, but on the day she saw you, she knew her heart wouldn't hold up. She perfectly remembers how her heart skipped a beat after seeing you. You were in simple clothes that highlighted your curves and, most importantly, your muscles. But the fatal blow was the smile you gave her after hugging her.

But Jenna is afraid of this, of these feelings. She has always been more focused on work, never paid much attention to romance. But now, after getting to know you, she daydreams about your life together.

She wants to confess, but she never manages to. She always retreats before revealing her feelings, afraid that you won't fit into her life or even that you'll distance yourself because of it. That's why she hasn't confessed yet. But the desire is there, what's lacking is courage and a bit of shame.

Jenna shook her head slightly to get rid of these thoughts and silently approached you since you were still distracted. She came close to you, laughing at your expression, and on impulse, she squeezed your shoulders and gave you a kiss on the neck, staying with her face there. "Jenna! Why did you scare me like that?" You said in a playful manner, covering your face, hearing the girl laugh at the situation. "Sorry, mi corazón, it wasn't my intention, but you looked so beautifully distracted, and I couldn't resist." She hugged you, and you turned a bit, pulling her onto your lap, hugging her waist and resting your head on her shoulder.

Jenna put her arms around your neck and planted a kiss on the top of your head. You didn't say anything, just enjoyed each other's presence. It was enough. The connection you two had was visible for everyone to see, and it was a beautiful thing. That's why many didn't bother you two. Unfortunately, your moment was interrupted by the director calling you to shoot some stunts. Both of you sighed; you gave Jenna a little pat on the thigh signaling her to get up. "No! I'm not leaving. I'm home..." She said in a cute, whiny voice, and your heart skipped a few beats. "I'm home," you couldn't help but smile.

You tightened your embrace. "It's okay, my love. I promise to spend the whole rest of the day with you." You cupped her face, caressing her cheek. Jenna felt butterflies having a party in her stomach. Ugh! How she wanted to kiss you until the air evaporated from her lungs, but she restrained herself, moving away a bit and raising her pinkie finger, "Do you promise with your pinkie?" You laughed at her cuteness and joined your pinkies, "I promise, mi amor." You kissed her fingers, making Jenna even more infatuated.

"Then go do those stunts quickly because I want to be cuddled up with you all day." You picked her up, making her squeal and then burst into laughter. You put her down and started walking toward the actors, but you stopped, turned back, and ran towards Jenna. However, what she had to say got stuck in her throat. You had given her a kiss on the eyebrow and whispered in her ear, "See you later, mi amor."

You ran off after the director shouted your name, leaving a paralyzed and tomato-red Jenna behind. She snapped out of her trance and ran to her trailer, laughing like a love-struck teenager.

---

The sun had already set when everyone was released from the recordings. The sky was partially orange, and its dim light guided you to your trailer. You knocked on the door, and it didn't take long for Jenna to open it. "You took your time!" She pulled you into a hug. "Mi amor, you were the one who got released early, haha!" You squeezed her in your arms, resting your chin on her head. You stayed like that for a few more minutes.

"Let's go inside; you must be tired." She led you in, closing the door once you entered. "Can I take a quick shower, princess?" You asked, seeing a cute pout forming on her face. "But... I wanted to cuddle with you now." She pouted, and you couldn't resist the cuteness, pinching her cheeks, making her pout intensify.

"My love, this will only take me a few minutes, and then you can have me all to yourself." Jenna looked at you with those bambi eyes and agreed, going to sit on the couch while you prepared. As you had said, after a few minutes, you were already by her side, watching none other than "Puss in Boots 2" haha. You were lying on the couch, and Jenna was lying on top of you.

There was a pleasant silence between you two, only the sounds of the movie were heard. You lowered your gaze to Jenna, observing every detail of her, from eyebrows to lips. You became (once again) hypnotized. Jenna felt your burning gaze on her head and turned her face, resting her chin between your breasts, "What's wrong?" She asked, giving you a small smile. You just shook your head, watching her, seeing how every part of her reacted. God, you were hopelessly in love and didn't know what to do.

You wanted to shout at the top of your lungs about how much you love her, wanted to kiss her, love her, take care of her, wanted to be with her. But you are a coward who can't take action and is afraid of losing her in every way. You ran your hand over Jenna's face, gently caressing her with your thumb, watching her close her eyes and practically melt into your embrace.

Jenna turned her face, depositing a kiss in the palm of your hand, still with her eyes closed. She felt the temperature of her body increase with each touch of yours; to feel you so close is a blessing and a curse at the same time. She wanted to have you like this but as her girlfriend, as the love of her life and not as "friends"; she hated that term. She wants to have the freedom to kiss you, love you, but fear and insecurities consume her, and gradually she gets closer to possibly losing you.

You were in your bubble; no one spoke anything, just felt the touches of your bodies and souls. Jenna opened her eyes, seeing your eyes fixed on her, and you realized you’d been caught. So, you sent her a crooked smile with your cheeks reddish. You realized how close your faces were, and with courage taken from your ass, you gradually started to close the distance between you two.

Jenna also started to close the distance; she felt her body tremble in anticipation. She put her hands on your shoulders, grabbing your shirt. "Kiss me… Kiss me please Y/N." Jenna grabbed your face, putting her forehead on yours. She slightly dragged her lips across your face, whispering, "kiss me mi amor."

"F*ck it," you pulled her neck and kissed her. The kiss was hurried, but firm. In it, love and desire stored for so long were transmitted. Sighs were released, hearts accelerated and synchronized, bodies hot like the embers of a bonfire, hands exploring every part of the bodies, every curve, caressing the skin like a brush caresses.

The air became scarce, and both, reluctantly, separated. Jenna had opened her eyes slowly, trying to reason if what just happened was true or just another one of her dreams. She lay on your chest, still panting, and looked at you, waiting for you to open your eyes and snap out of the trance.

You felt like you were in the clouds, more alive. You opened your eyes, seeing the woman of your dreams watching you. "Are you real? Like... did this really just happen, or am I delirious?" You asked her while caressing her hair. Jenna smiled, showing her dimple, and hid her face in your neck.

You both were euphoric, finally! You had fulfilled one of the wishes, but the doubt still lingers. Even though you had just kissed each other with all of you, with your hearts, you can't help but question, "Does she really like me?"

You cleared your throat, bringing Jenna's attention back to you. "Uh... I know we just kissed as if the world were ending, but... uh... what are we now? Like, do you really like me? Because I like— No! I... I love you, Jenna." You confessed, watching Jenna react with disbelief. "I've loved you since the day I met you, with your more reserved way, your somewhat eccentric humor, your sarcasm, your freckles." You said everything with a smile on your face and a special sparkle in your eyes. "You can't imagine all the times I held back from kissing you, telling you how much I love you. All the tears I shed for you, feeling insufficient for you." You let out a shaky sigh; getting all of this off your chest is a relief.

Jenna couldn't explain what she felt at this moment. Relief? Happiness? Sadness? She couldn't believe that you were really saying all this; her heart felt like it was going to explode with so much happiness. But she felt sad hearing your last words, "How dare you feel that way?!? Y/n, I've never felt so happy, safe, and comfortable with anyone like I feel with you. It's like my heart already knew that you would take care of it with your life." She passed her hand over your face, wiping away the tears that you didn't even realize were falling.

"You make me feel so many things at once, but none of them is something bad. You always take care of me, make me feel beautiful, make me feel like I can conquer the world and the universe. You are my star; you are more than enough for me, mi amor. And answering you, I love you too, and I want this to turn into something more. I want you as my partner for the rest of my life." She chuckled lightly; her soul felt light after confessing, after knowing that you also love her.

You hugged each other with big smiles on your faces. Both have a lot to learn, but now, they won't do it alone. You have each other, and this union will be hard to break. Your love is special, like the love of the sun for the moon.

[russo-woso]

Falling in love || Kyra Cooney-Cross x Catley!reader

Prompt list here. Request here.

Summary The beginning of yours and Kyra’s story

“Kyra meet my sister Y/N, Y/N, Kyra.” Steph introduced you both as Kyra walked into the living room.

Kyra had just moved to Arsenal and still didn’t have any electrical products, like a tv, sorted so Steph had invited her round for a movie night to save Kyra from boredom.

Unlike your sister, you didn’t play football, instead you dreamed of becoming a teacher, but you didn’t want to live in Australia, hence why you followed Steph to England.

Steph had promised your mum to look after you and the best way to do that was if you moved in with her and her fiance, Dean.

“Nice to meet you, Kyra.” You told her, jumping up from your spot on the couch to greet her.

Kyra didn’t respond straight away, instead just looking at you.

You had to admit, she was very cute but you couldn’t date one of Steph’s teammates.

Although she’d never stated it, you felt like you were betraying her if you did.

“So, I thought we could just order some pizza and then watch some films, sound alright?” Steph asked you both, desperately wanting to change the subject to save the awkwardness.

“Sounds perfect.” Kyra spoke up

—

After watching a movie and putting on another, you looked over to find Steph fast asleep, but Kyra still wide awake.

As you were looking over at her, she looked at you.

There was clearly a sense of awkwardness that had risen so you tried your hardest to try come up with a conversation starter.

“So, Kyra, how are you enjoying London?” You asked, stuttering a few times as you looked at the girl.

“It’s nice, the weathers bad, better than Sweden though.” Kyra responded, a small smile resting on her face.

“I know, I went to Sweden last year with my friend from uni and she’s Swedish and had pre-warned me that it would be cold. Long story short, it snowed the whole week I was there.” You explained, and Kyra let out a giggle.

“It does tend to snow a lot there. You mentioned university, what degree are you doing?” Kyra questioned, continuing the conversation.

“An educational degree, I want to be a primary school teacher.” You responded and she nodded.

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and getting to know each other.

The sounds of talking and giggles taking over the sound of the movie.

Steph, who had woken up at some point due to laughter erupting from you and Kyra, couldn’t help but smile at the sound of her sister and close friend.

That night, as Kyra was leaving, you swapped numbers, promising to meet up again soon.

What you didn’t realise was that soon meant soon soon. Like in the morning soon.

It was a last minute decision but you’d asked Kyra if she wanted to meet for a coffee before she had training.

Kyra messaged back saying yes almost immediately and you replied back with the address of your favourite cafe.

“Hey, Ky.” You said as you saw her sat down at a table.

She got up and hugged you, before you both sat down opposite each other.

Similarly to the previous night, the conversation flowed and you found yourself staring in awe at Kyra.

There was just something, everything, that you loved.

After that morning, you both found yourselves making up excuses to see each other.

As much as you loved seeing Kyra, you couldn’t help but feel guilty.

You could feel yourself falling for the girl but she was your sister’s teammate.

Could you do that Steph?

You didn’t know the answer to that question until the match against Chelsea.

A few nights before the match, you had been at Kyra’s apartment, her having cooked dinner for the two of you, when she’d asked in conversation if you could come watch the match.

Now, normally, you didn’t go to many matches, only going to watch big games that meant a lot to your sister.

But Kyra asking you was different, you wanted to watch the match, you wanted to watch her play.

Steph couldn’t believe her hearing when you told her.

She must have asked about four times for you to repeat before the message actually went to her brain.

The following Sunday, you travelled to the sold out Emirates stadium.

Although you hated watching football, you had a really good time, getting to see your sister and Kyra win 4-1 over Chelsea.

You made your way to the players exit, hoping to see Kyra before she went home.

“You played amazing, Ky.” You whispered into her hair as you hugged her tightly.

“I only played like five minutes.” Kyra pointed out, a saddened smile on her face.

“Yeah but you changed the whole play when did come on.” You tried to cheer her up, genuinely telling the truth.

“I guess.”

“Anyway, Steph’s waiting in the car for me. I told her that I wanted to wait to see you and that I’d only be five minutes but someone is a slow changer.” You teased her, and a light pigment spread over her cheeks. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

As you were walking away, you heard your name being called.

“Y/N, wait.” Kyra shouted. “Go on a date with me.”

“A date?”

“Yeah, only if—” Kyra started but you cut her off.

“—I’d love to, Ky. Message me.” You told her, pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek, before walking away.

You got into the car with a massive smile on your face making Steph look at you with the biggest smirk ever.

“Something’s got you happy, huh? Is it Kyra?” Steph playfully questioned you. “Aw, look at you blushing.”

“Fine, fine. Kyra asked me on a date. Would you be okay with that?” You asked her hesitantly.

“Of course I would. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because she’s your teammate and I don’t know.” You told her

“Ladybug, you’re my sister, I just want you to be happy, and if that’s with Kyra, then I’m happy for you.” Steph said, using your childhood nickname.

“Thanks, Steffy.”

“Now, when’s the date? What are you wearing? Where is it?”

You groaned as the questions kept coming.

“Do you know what? I really do love you Steph, and I know I don’t mean this, but I really hate you right now.”

—

The following Saturday, Kyra took you to a small restaurant on the outskirts of st albans which just so happened to be your favourite restaurant.

“How did you know this was my favourite?” You asked her as you sat down at the table.

“I remember you telling me back when we first met.” Kyra replied, sending you a smile.

Your heart melted at the fact she’d remembered something so little from months ago.

Over dinner, you and Kyra laughed, and spoke, and just told each other everything and anything.

To say it was an incredible night was an understatement.

After paying the bill, you and Kyra went back into the car and started to drive back to Steph’s house.

Once more, the conversation never died down, you and Kyra finding something to laugh about.

The drive came to an end as Kyra pulled outside the house.

You turned to look at her, resting your hand on hers which was still perched on the gear stick.

“Thank you for tonight, Ky. I think it was genuinely one of the best nights of my life.” You told her and she smiled.

“Me too.”

As you went to leave the car, Kyra grabbed ahold of your arm.

Without needing to be told anything else, you turned to face her again, but smashed your lips onto hers.

Kyra immediately kissed back, smiling into the kiss as it came to an end.

“That was amazing.” Kyra said, a smile taking over her face.

“I’ve waited to do that for months.” You told her and she hummed in agreement.

“You know, my mom used to tell me what it was like to fall in love. Even in my wildest dreams, I never thought it'd be this good. The past few months have been the best ones of my life because I’ve been given the gift of falling for you.” Kyra admitted and your heart melted at her words.

“Oh, Ky.” You didn’t know what to do, there was no words that could express how you felt so instead, you placed your lips on hers. “I can’t believe you chose me to fall in love with.”

“You should believe it. You’re kind, you’re gorgeous, you’re clever. Ways there not to like?”

“You know, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about you over the past few months, it’s that you’re a sweet talker, Kyra.” You joked, and she laughed lightly.

Once again, you connected your lips together, but it was soon interrupted my your sisters face staring at the two of you through the car window.

“Steph!”

[jesawyer]

A big thanks to you and your team for making Pentiment, it's an amazing game and it'll be with me for a long time I think, especially the personal and emotional character writing.

I'm curious about what was the inspiration behind, and creative motivation for including, the motif of the labyrinth. The church's painting of the Virgin Mary with the labyrinth seems striking in particular, especially because I don't remember ever coming across a strong association with labyrinths in Christian imagery.

Thank you. I'm glad it was so impactful.

Labyrinths have a long association with Christianity going back to the 4th century, when one was placed in a cathedral in Chlef (now in Algeria). This is known as the St. Reparata or St. Reparatus Labyrinth.

The Chartres Labyrinth was built around 1200.

Christian labyrinths are meant to be walked while contemplating. The path twists and turns, but there is only one way to go. They also all clearly take inspiration from labyrinths of the classical world even if their purpose and origins are effectively lost to those who see them.

As Beatrice says to Andreas (paraphrased), the foundations of our memories become buried and invisible. And she is paraphrasing and abbreviating Plato speaking to Solon in Timaeus,

whatever happened either in your country or in ours, or in any other region of which we are informed-if there were any actions noble or great or in any other way remarkable, they have all been written down by us of old, and are preserved in our temples. Whereas just when you and other nations are beginning to be provided with letters and the other requisites of civilized life, after the usual interval, the stream from heaven, like a pestilence, comes pouring down, and leaves only those of you who are destitute of letters and education; and so you have to begin all over again like children, and know nothing of what happened in ancient times, either among us or among yourselves. As for those genealogies of yours which you just now recounted to us, Solon, they are no better than the tales of children. In the first place you remember a single deluge only, but there were many previous ones;

I also wanted the association with the labyrinth from The Name of the Rose, which in turn was inspired by the Reims Labyrinth.

The Reims Labyrinth was constructed in the late 13th century but was destroyed in the 18th century by superstitious priests. It was through the discovery of drawings that modern scholars were able to recreate and project the path of the labyrinth onto the cathedral floor.

The cover of the 1st Italian edition (and therefore, first edition overall) of Il Nome della Rosa prominently incorporated the drawing of the Reims Labyrinth.

Note the map of the Aedificium:

The final lines of The Name of the Rose are:

Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemus.

The original rose remains only in name, we hold those names stripped.

This refers to a specific object in the story, but more broadly symbolizes historical records, art objects, and other artifacts lost to time. The Reims Labyrinth remains only in drawings, stories, and light projected on the ground where it once stood; the labyrinth itself was destroyed.

Nomen est; res non est. - The name exists; the thing does not.

As a side note, France uses the Reims Labyrinth as its symbol for historical monuments - an important reminder of how fragile their existence can be.

[armaegddn]

hi guys! i know there's not a lot of you here on my account but i hope you will rb and share this as i've seen little to no coverage of this in international media.

Bangladesh has followed a quota system for high paying government jobs till 2018, where 30% of the seats were reserved for the descendents of the freedom fighters who fought to liberate our country against pakistan in 1971. due to mass student protesting in 2018, the quota system was scrapped, allowing more eligible students to secure the jobs.

The quota system was then reinstated this year with 56% of the seats reserved: 30% for the descendents of freedom fighters, and the rest for women, minorities and the disabled. University students are yet again left to suffer due to rising rates of unemployment in government jobs. The children of freedom fighters are given more priority by the government as an act of nepotism, so they can plug their own people into the jobs, putting the university students at a massive disadvantage.

On July 15th, the students of Dhaka University and Jahangirnagar University started a peaceful protest march with the slogan #QuotaReform. They were met with resistance by the Bangladesh Cchatro League (Cchatro meaning students), a government organisation known for its violence. They launched at the students with weapons such sticks and sharp blades and later guns and ammunition. Police soon surrounded the protests as well and shot at multiple students, threw tear gas, sound gas and other forms of ammunition into the campuses.

7 students have lost their lives so far and there are hundreds injured with many hospitals refusing treatment. A 2 year old child was shot today...

The students have all been kicked out of their halls, and yet they are still protesting through the nationwide shutdown today (18/07/24). Our Prime Minister refuses to acknowledge the government's own violence towards THEIR CITIZENS.

I beg everyone who sees this to interact with and stay as educated about this to their best ability. #QuotaReform is barely trending anywhere and media coverage is difficult in Bangladesh due to the control of the government. The most we've able to do (those who are unable to protest on the streets) is share the news on our social media and spread awareness. Please take some time out of your day to talk about this. This country was built on the backs of student protests. We are reliving the student massacre of 1952 but instead of Pakistan its our own government and police firing at us...

Please rb and educate yourselves on this topic to spread awareness and if there are any Bangladeshis here going to protest please be safe we are all praying for you.

[thetarotbitch]

PICK A PILE

pick whichever object you feel most drawn to (the heart, the earring or lip oil) and find the corresponding reading bellow

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Pile 1 (the heart):

wow okay, so you lot have missed an opportunity some time in the past. likely a job offer, a business partnership or some kind of income source. when it first came across, you either didn't see the value in it or in yourself strongly enough to pursue. however, lately you find yourself regretting that decision and trying to rectify it. you're putting a lot, and I mean * a lot * of energy and time towards it and placing a tremendous amount of pressure on yourselves because you're going about it as if it depends solely on you and your capabilities. it doesn't. sometimes we let things slip and we can't get them back. no amount of hard work or dedication is going to change that. let it go. give yourself peace. move on to things that have a chance of working out.

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Pile 2 (the earring):

you guys feel cheated. the potential you can recognise within yourselves hasn't manifested in your day to day life. you're not as independent as you thought you'd be by now, not as educated, as capable, as stable etc. it has you feeling very low but, be very careful of playing the blame game. do not navigate the world as if it's supposed to automatically see your talents and give itself to you on a silver platter. our potential is meant to be honed and crafted, we're not born fully formed. and when we try to protect our egos by placing blame on others for lack of results we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to grow and become who we could be.

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Pile 3 (lip oil):

you had a blast from the past! you crossed paths with an old friend, lover, crush, someone you haven't seen in a long time, and it woke up some nostalgic feelings. it's almost like you forgot how good life can feel, and you crave it. however, this poses a bit of a problem because you're faced with some kind of a choice now. to go back to that feeling some things in your current life you're attached to would have to change or be gone completely. it is a difficult decision and you have my sympathy, but do your very best to remain calm, don't make moves in the heat of the moment, pull your focus back on the big picture. make sure whatever you end up doing is something you'll be okay with 5, 10, maybe even 20 years from now. best of luck.

[bunnycvnts]

Request for John b: reader finds out she is pregnant and is scared to tell John b because they are still teenagers.

pairing: john b x reader

warnings: teen pregnancy. one mention of throwing up. i think that’s it.

tears filled your eyes and your hands shook, the positive pregnancy test trembling in your tight grip. you couldn’t believe it, you’d done everything imaginable to practice safe sex. from condoms, birth control, and even a few plan b’s. the bathroom felt colder than it had three minutes ago, and goosebumps rose on your smooth skin.

standing in the mirror, you pushed your belly out, trying to imagine what it’d look like when it was swollen—you and john b’s child growing inside you. you loved him, truly, but you guys weren’t ready for a child. hell, you were still children yourselves. both sixteen and living life carefree, only focused on getting the gold, careers and education be damned.

you wiped at your eyes and cheeks, trying to clean them from the spilled tears, and called the only person you could think of. pope.

pope was your best friend, having grown up next door to each other and being in various classes together throughout your educational lives. his family was yours, and vice versa. he even introduced you to john b. the rest was kind of history.

when pope arrived, slightly panicked from your cryptic call, he found you still sitting on the bathroom floor, your back leaning onto the cold tub. his eyes shot around the room, trying to make sense of your watery eyes and distressed breathing. it didn’t take long for him to narrow in on the small test lying on the sink. you watched as he surveyed the situation, and knew when his eyes practically popped out of his skull that he had noticed it.

“pope, what do i do?” your tone was meek, like a small child who was scared to get yelled at.

pope’s mouth opened and shut, searching for the right words.

“you have to tell him.”

this only made you sob harder. you were horrified of telling john b. he was so close to finding the gold, and you didn’t want to ruin that for him. he was more and more hopeful every day, and you just knew that he’d be disappointed in what was now forming inside your womb.

pope sank against the tub, wrapping his arm around your shoulders to pull you into his side.

“hey, it’s gonna be fine, we’ll figure this out. we always do. i mean, a baby isn’t ideal but statistically, it was probably bound to happen. teen pregnancy is far more common than you think.” pope rambling off statistics made you let out a small chuckle, which prompted a smile from the boy.

“i promise, we got this. the first step is telling him.”

you nodded at your best friend, his figure bleary from your watery eyes, but you knew his gaze held nothing but kindness. you talked for the next hour, going over possible scenarios of telling john b, both of you still lying against the uncomfortable bend of the tub.

by the next day, you were ready to tell john b. you’d driven to the chateau, making sure he’d be home beforehand, and that jj or any other pogues were long gone. when you raised your fist to knock on the wooden door, he surprised you by swinging it open before your knuckles made contact.

“are you like … breaking up with me?” a frown sat on your boyfriends lips, hesitation clear in his eyes. a small gasp left your mouth, and you shook your head ‘no’. you pushed past him, dragging him inside the home, and sat on the couch while he sat next to you, a larger distance than normal placed between you.

“i have to tell you something, and you have to promise you won’t freak out or end things or whatever. okay?” your hands shook nervously as you picked at your cuticles, which were now torn apart from the anxiety consuming you the night before.

“i promise. just tell me.” john b was on the edge of his seat, and worry laced his tone. he had no clue what his girlfriend was about to tell him, but her words scared him slightly.

“so, i don’t know what happened, or why it happened. i don’t know, john b. but i started getting sick like a week ago, and im so tired lately. then, i missed my period. and, well, i got worried and took a test and im pregnant.” tears filled your eyes, and you chewed on your lower lip harshly, scared to meet his eyes as he let the information sink in. after lingering silence, you looked up at him and were surprised to find him grinning at the floor. you sat in the quiet for a bit longer before he decided to speak.

“so, i’m gonna be a dad?” you could hear the excitement in his voice, furrowing your eyebrows at him. you nodded lightly, overall confused by his reaction. you’d thought he’d cry, vomit or even throw something, but grinning? that was never on your list.

your thoughts were cut off by john b picking you up and swinging you around, laughing excitedly.

“baby, we’re gonna be parents! little pogues running around ‘n shit! jayj is gonna fuckin’ flip!” his laughter echoed in your eyes and you cried harder, laughing softly as he spun you around. he stopped abruptly and grabbed your cheeks to hold them in both of his large hands, the size of which encompassed the entire sides of your face.

“no, what? what’s wrong, love? why are you crying?” his thumbs reached out to wipe away your fallen tears. your bottom lip trembled when you went to speak.

“i just..i was so scared of how you’d react. i never imagined you’d be happy about it.”

john b’s face softened at your words, and he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“how could i be anything but excited when finding out the love of my life is literally walking around with a piece of us forming inside her.”

taglist: @sunkissedrafe @mousie101 @cxsmiclore @mirellef2001

[leclerc-s]

who's daniel ricciardo anyways?

series masterlist

NEW HEIGHTS | EP 50

comments

user01 is jason a secret daphne jones fan? he knows about the eagles t-shirt.

user02 i'm so here for the daphne jones/travis kelce love story

user03 months later we're going to look back on this and know it was the start of the greatest love story ever.

user04 as a daphne fan. it's a cute idea but like do the other people in the comments know anything about daphne?

↳ user05 right? like at least educate yourselves on daphne lore before you start shipping her with someone.

user06 jason's doing god's work for daphne and travis.

user07 and the award for biggest daphne and travis' biggest shipper is jason kelce!

user08 reading these comments is making me cringe a little bit. do people not know a thing about daphne? like i'm not even a fan of her and i know.

↳ user09 know what?

↳ user08 daphne's married. she's been married for almost a year.

user10 the reason daphne probably didn't talk to him is because she's married and doesn't want to give anyone the wrong idea.

↳ user11 SHE'S MARRIED? HOW THE FUCK AM I JUST NOW FINDING OUT?

isabella perez to the americans, who the fuck is travis kelce?

logan sargeant nfl player for the kansas city chiefs

zoya torres do you mean football?

logan sargeant I AM NOT GETTING INTO THIS ARGUMENT WITH LANDO AGAIN ZOYA! DROP IT!

rowan todd is this about the daphne thing?

daniel jones-ricciardo what daphne thing? who's talking about my wife? who do i have to fight?

isabella perez nfl crazy fanboys who are demanding your wife divorce you and date travis kelce because "who's daniel ricciardo anyways?"

max jones-verstappen i'm throwing hands. is that the right way to use the phrase?

mae jones-verstappen yes max, it is. max jones-verstappen as i said, i'm throwing hands

charles leclerc are they insane?

dulce perez they watch grown men chase after a ball for over 2 hours. yes.

logan sargeant there are specific rules!

dulce perez you're literally the only one who cares.

daniel ricciardo that's not true! go bills! logan sargeant boo! go dolphins!

alex albon are you proud of what you've started dulce?

dulce perez i now realize that i've made a huge mistake.

mae jones-verstappen i'm american and i don't get the sport.

logan sargeant that sound like a you problem. mae jones-verstappen you've grown bold since you were added to the group chat logan sargeant it's the effect you people have on me.

natalia ruiz who the fuck is travis kelce and why is hitting on my wife?

daniel jones-ricciardo we are not doing this again nat. she's my wife! natalia ruiz you keep telling yourself that honey.

oscar piastri so natalia's like, in love with daphne, rowan, and penelope?

natalia ruiz don't forget my other wives, lily, mae, and carmen. dulce perez she just says that to piss them all off and it works. natalia ruiz men have such fragile egos

daphne jones she's not wrong.

isabella perez daphne! what do you think about travis kelce?

daphne jones-ricciardo i know his brother is jason kelce? he plays for the eagles. why?

daniel jones-ricciardo no reason! no reason at all! please ignore it!

max jones-verstappen travis declared his love for you on the internet and now daniel feels insecure you're going to dump him and date travis.

daniel jones-ricciardo sometimes i hate that we're related now. max jones-verstappen no you don't you fucking liar. you love me. daniel jones-ricciardo because i happen to like your wife so i tolerate you. max jones-verstappen you're a big fat fucking liar jones-ricciardo!

liked by maxverstappen1, maejones, isabellaperez and others

danieljonesricciardo who's daniel ricciardo anyways?

tagged: daphnejonesricciardo

view all comments

user93 not the wedding picture! daniel jones-ricciardo, the man that you are!!

maejones tell me you're jealous without telling me you're jealous

↳ danieljonesricciardo i'm not jealous! but i don't know who daniel ricciardo is, i only know daniel jones-ricciardo.

isabellaperez yeah, daniel you tell 'em!

maxverstappen1 oh my god. of course you would do this.

↳ danieljonesricciardo it's a problem when i do it but when you lost your shit over mae and joshua getting shipped by the internet over their "rekindlement" it was fine

↳ maxverstappen1 that's different! you're married!

user81 the fucking wedding picture is taking me out. this man is trying to prove a point.

nataliaruiz she's my wife ricciardo, don't you forget it.

↳ danieljonesricciardo i will steal your child if you don't stop.

↳ charles_leclerc you leave my daughter alone jones-ricciardo!

user87 SHE'S MARRIED? HOW DID I MISS THIS?

user59 oh my god daniel jones-ricciardo. i fucking love you

vancityreynolds the only person allowed to steal your wife or profess her love for her is my wife.

↳ danieljonesricciardo see you get it. just like only i can profess my love for you or steal you from your wife.

↳ vancityreynolds that's right my love!

↳ user02 i fucking love this duo!

scottyjames31 oh brother! this guy's so jealous

↳ danieljonesricciardo i know where you live scotty.

NEW HEIGHTS | EP 54

comments

user12 i for one did not know daphne jones was married.

user13 to everyone who was pushing the daphne x travis agenda, you sure look dumb now, don't you?

user14 i was so wrong when i said this would be the greatest love story ever.

user15 so she's a wag but not a wag for the person or sport we all thought?

↳ user16 people wanted her to be a football wag when she's been an f1 wag for over 7 years.

user17 jason kelce developing a man crush on daniel jones-ricciardo was not on my bingo card for 2023

user18 f1 silly season is silly seasoning so good. i thought we had gotten past this with the daphlonso thing but nooo

user19 the kelce brothers not knowing what formula one was before all of this is so fucking funny to me

↳ user20 them not knowing what it was and now jason kelce having a crush on daniel is so fucking funny to me

↳ user19 right, this whole thing is so fucking funny.

user21 okay but i would also be like travis, i just wouldn't put the signs together. like what if one of her last names was her mom's last name? i'm just dumb like that

↳ user22 must be all the hits to the head getting to travis.

isabella perez daniel, this is very important, did you or did you not receive an apology from travis kelce for hitting on your wife?

daniel jones-ricciardo i did. why is it important? arthur leclerc so we can secretly stop shitting on him.

sebastian vettel they have a group chat away from the "responsible adults"

sebastian vettel i wasn't aware fernando was responsible but here we are.

fernando alonso do not tempt me sebastian, i can still add mark.

daphne jones-ricciardo i feel like i'm owed an apology because jason kelce just hit on my husband.

rowan todd reminder, your husband publically flirts with ryan all the fucking time.

esteban ocon i fear we may have to keep him away from ryan in vegas.

mick schumacher get them both drunk enough and they'll try to get married by elvis.

daniel jones-ricciardo that is so not true. i would marry max. max jones-verstappen and we would do it sober! bailey winters you two are worse than my parents, and they've been married for over 20 years.

freya vettel so we can stop hating on travis?

isabella perez i think we do freya. this is tragic. i was enjoying it.

oscar piastri you said he was built like brick wall. that was it.

isabella perez i know but i enjoyed george's presentation on why daphne and travis would never work out. it was very informative.

daniel jones-ricciardo HE MADE A PRESENTATION? george russell yes, and my main reason was that everyone would think it was a publicity stunt for that one game that everyone tunes in to watch but it's simply to watch the halftime show and not the actual game.

logan sargeant i watch the game!

zoya torres that's because you're part of the small percentage that watches the game. speaking of, who do you guys think is performing next year?

lewis hamilton will it finally be the year daphne says yes?

daphne jones-ricciardo will xnda record a song with me? lewis hamilton no daphne jones-ricciardo there's your answer

rowan todd i think shakira should get a solo halftime show

logan sargeant the council has suggest i recommend daisy jones & the six

isabella perez peso pluma.

dulce perez you're joking, right? isabella perez of course i am. i think a huge reggaeton number works better.

freya vettel hear me out. one direction reunion.

isabella perez or, hear me out, daphne performs with one-hit wonder xnda

lewis hamilton one-hit wonder? isabella perez you recorded one song and dipped lewis. you are a one-hit wonder.

ollie bearman you people are insane.

carlos sainz tell us something we don't know oliver. isabella perez that is my son! watch it sainz!

fernando alonso i hate every single one of you and i can't stand any of you.

sebastian vettel liar! fernando alonso especially you.

taglist: @burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @applopie @lorarri @mypage-myfandoms @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @cowboylikemets1989 @justtprachisblog @rmeddar123 @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @Smnthnclj @dan3avocado @melissayalene @nothanqks @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @namgification @jensonsonlybutton @chezmardybum @d3kstar @weekendlusting@anytimeanywherebitchblog @ragioniera @burberryfilms @trouble-sistar @lesliiieeeee @leclercsluv @33-81

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¡leclerc-s speaks! honestly, this opportunity was too fucking funny to pass up. i like to think i fucking hilarious when i'm sleep deprived. this is 100% not funny. i also probably got the dates wrong but that's on my sleep deprived brain. i cannot be held accountable for the mistakes it makes.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[wnobin]

BIT BY BIT… 💭 anton lee socmed! au

pairing: college student! anton x campus crush! reader

genre: college! au, social media! au with written portions, slow burn, pining, strangers to friends to lovers.

series synopsis: in which the quiet girl in anton’s language class who seems to never sit with anyone catches his attention. anton makes it his mission to get closer to her bit by bit and break down her walls. the only issue? she’s the last to arrive and first to leave, never allowing anton the chance to approach her.

series masterlist | 04: mismatched pyjamas

it was 8:57 and seunghan was still nowhere to be seen. anton shook his leg as he bit the inside of his cheek anxiously. professor won had already arrived and begun to set up the projector screen whilst making small talk with the rest of the students. the words ‘self-introduction’ on a blank slide was displayed and anton immediately begun to panic, trying to remember at least one fact about himself. all of a sudden his mind was blank and the only fun fact he could think of was that he’s… a first year? totally not a fun fact.

anton was too occupied with blowing up seunghan’s phones with angry texts to notice you walking in to the class, two minutes late. he lifted his head from his phone screen only to make eye contact with you for a split second, immediately looking at the seat next to him. the seat that had his bag on it. the seat that made it look like he was saving it for someone else. he was about to take away his bag but you had already turned away, sitting at your previous front row seat.

you had left your dorm early in an attempt to make it to class early this time but it just wasn’t your fault that the classroom was all the way on the other side of campus, a 15 minute walk away. when you made it to class, you noticed only 1 seat that wasn’t in the front row was available. you were about to walk towards it when you noticed a black bag on the chair, seemingly belonging to the boy sitting next to it, who had his headphones on and was busy typing furiously on his phone. he was dressed rather nicely, even wearing a beanie, in contrast to the rest of the class who were all wearing their pyjamas since it was a 9am class. the two of you made eye contact for a millisecond before you looked away. the last thing you wanted was for someone you didn’t know to offer you a seat he was probably saving so you decided to sit back down at your old seat.

you rested your chin on your palm, listening to professor won give instructions to the self-introduction activity for the day. “so for this activity, i’ll need everyone to stand up and go around introducing yourselves, your major, and one fun fact about yourself! all in japanese, of course. let’s start with… you, over there in the front row!”

professor won’s eyes had landed on you unsurprisingly, as you were the only one in the front row and first in his line of sight. you cleared your throat and got up from your seat, turning to face the rest of your classmates. “hi, i’m y/n and i’m a first year majoring in nursing, and… i’m a first year…?”

in your defence, this was only your second lesson and your japanese vocabulary was extremely limited, hence the repetition and boring self-introduction. you could tell from the hesitant and scattered claps that even your classmates were confused as to why your fun fact was that you were a first year when everyone in that class was a first year too. you proceeded to zone out for the rest of the class, absentmindedly clapping along with the rest whenever someone finished their self-introduction.

when it got to anton’s turn, your ears perked up at the sound of his voice. he was unexpectedly soft spoken and sounded like he was whispering, prompting professor won to ask him to speak up, making a joke about how old he was getting. “um, i’m anton, a first year majoring in early childhood education, and i like swimming.”

everyone’s introductions went by relatively fast due to their inability to say anything more than a simple five second sentence. seunghan’s turn was skipped when professor won saw him fully sleep, quietly snoring as the rest of the class laughed at the sight. he remained asleep the entire time, only waking up when he heard the word ‘dismissed’. he was gathering his things and getting up when he saw a glimpse of you leaving from your seat in the front row, turning to look behind at anton who was packing up alone in the back row. “you sat alone? what happened?” anton simply walked past the half-awake male without saying a word, glaring daggers at him. “hey, wait for me!”

taglist (closed due to the limit!): @andromedawillburyyou @imsiriuslyreal @beckiiee00 @dreamiestay @babigriin @kyusqult @eumppappaswife @sserafilms @annswwa @lecheugo @llearlert @nyuoqi @thesunoosshining @yangasm @mmsriza @myizhous @miyawakiblossoms @hyucksdelicate @ilovejungwonandhaechan @snowyseungs @soobiary @ilovejaketoomuch @cla1r20 @darlingz99 @chiiyuuvv @lilacarat @ohmykwonsooyoung @sonjuyeonnie @nicholasluvbot

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[unabashegirl]

Different 5 | College HS

Harry's quiet, routine-driven life changes one weekend when he meets Y/N through a mutual friend at her party. She comes from a superficial, materialistic world with absent parents who believe money solves everything. Despite their differences, something clicks that night, and Y/N can't stop thinking about him.

Author's note: Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well! Here is another chapter of Different. Let me know what you think! 🫶🏻

check out my patreon (starting at $2) and get full access to all 25 chapters, various one shots and much more :)

masterlist

“Holy shit,” Mitch screamed as they all piled into the car. “What the hell is going on?” He pounded the steering wheel. “Did she really invite us over?” Jeff and Liam laughed in the backseat as they buckled up.

“She’s so attractive,” Liam said, scrolling through his phone. Harry wished he were in the car with her.

“Are you done?” Harry asked as Mitch started following her toward her apartment.

“Hell no!” Mitch replied, slamming the wheel as they stopped at a red light. “Are you planning to sleep with her tonight?”

“What do you mean?”

“The only reason she’s letting us stay over is because she wants to be around you,” Liam said, giving Harry’s shoulder a firm slap.

“So, are you sleeping with her or not?” Jeff asked with a chuckle. Harry suddenly felt nervous and regretted coming. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with her, but he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation if it arose. He was a man and had seen porn, but he knew it was all staged. Most importantly, he had feelings for her and genuinely wanted to make her feel good.

Harry had always put girls on the back burner. He’d never been one to desperately seek out casual encounters. His main focus had always been his education, aiming for a stable future, providing for his family, and having better opportunities. But since Y/N had come into his life, she had become his only thought, consuming his mind day and night. He was constantly thinking about her and how she was doing.

“She’s just being nice,” he shrugged, dismissing their comments.

“You’ve got to make your move, H,” Mitch said as he drove. Harry didn’t respond, keeping his thoughts to himself. He mentally played out every possible scenario that could develop in her apartment. “And don’t you dare start stuttering and get all shy around her.” Harry wanted to punch him but held back and bit his tongue.

A few minutes later, they arrived at Y/N’s apartment. It was stunning—large for a single person but cozy, thanks to the numerous carpets, cushions, pillows, and warm lighting.

“What does her dad do again?” Jeff asked quietly as Y/N closed the door and slipped off her shoes in the foyer. Harry shrugged, unsure.

“Welcome! Make yourselves at home,” Y/N said with a smile, hanging her coat in the closet beside the front door. She watched as they scrambled to remove their shoes and hang their coats.

Meanwhile, she wrapped her arms around Harry’s torso waiting for everyone to settle down and arrange their shoes.

“There are two bedrooms upstairs and one downstairs. So, it’s up to you where you want to sleep tonight!”

“Shotgun upstairs!” Sarah called out just as the others began to argue. Y/N giggled as Jeff and Liam pushed each other, covering her ears and shaking her head at Harry’s friends.

“I’m sleeping upstairs and ON MY OWN!” Sarah shouted after the noise subsided a bit.

“Makes sense. You’re the only girl.”

“So, who’s sleeping with whom? Does Mitch sleep with Liam or Jeff?”

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Liam suggested, placing his hands on his hips.

“Deal.” The three of them started playing, with Mitch winning the last room upstairs.

“Where are your parents?” Jeff asked as he sat on the living room couch.

“Business trip. They’ve been gone for four months.” Y/N said this with a casual tone, but Harry could sense it bothered her. Everyone nodded and continued exploring the living room.

“Do you guys want to use the pool?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

“There’s a pool?!” Mitch exclaimed, surprised. Y/N nodded and walked to the sliding doors. She raised the blinds and opened the doors, revealing the heated pool.

“Oh!

“It’s fall. It’s too cold,” Liam pointed out as he stepped onto the terrace.

“It’s heated.”

“We don’t have bathing suits,” Sarah reminded them as everyone tested the pool’s temperature.

“You can borrow one of mine. I think my stepbrother might have left some clothes upstairs.”

“You have a stepbrother?” Harry asked, confused. He had never heard of him or seen him in any family photos, and Y/N had never mentioned him.

“I do. He had a falling out with my father and doesn’t come around anymore. He’s a jerk,” she admitted as they watched Mitch attempt to pick Sarah up and throw her into the pool. “I’ll go get them.” Y/N recalled the distress her stepbrother had caused their father. Although her father wasn’t perfect, her stepbrother was far from it.

“I’ll come with you,” Harry offered, following her upstairs. The upstairs was decorated just like downstairs, with numerous paintings and plants. It felt warmer and less modern compared to the other house he had visited. They walked to the last room down the hall. Her bedroom was painted a warm cream color, with a huge bed dominating the space. Everything was neat and thoughtfully arranged.

“Let me change quickly,” she said, disappearing into her closet, which was larger than his dorm room. Harry was left alone with his thoughts.

As he wandered around the room, he noticed the numerous picture frames and stacks of books beside her bed and desk. It surprised him to see how many books they had in common. He hadn’t guessed she read so much in her spare time. He could hear his friends laughing from upstairs, which eased his nerves.

“I’m ready,” she said, startling him. She emerged in a lime green bikini from a trip to Mallorca years ago. It left little to the imagination, and Harry found it hard to keep his eyes off her. “I’ll be right back!” Y/N went to the guest bedroom where her stepbrother had stayed last. He had arrived while she was at school, demanding to stay, and left a day later when her father forced him to leave. He promised to send his clothes, but he never did, as he never contacted them again.

“Do you want to change here or downstairs?” she asked as she reentered her bedroom.

“Here is fine,” he replied, choosing a pair of navy-blue shorts. Meanwhile, she selected several bikinis for Sarah to choose from, in various colors and styles.

“Are they comfortable?” she asked as he emerged. “Are you okay? You’ve been unusually quiet.” Her head tilted, curious and concerned. Harry didn’t feel prepared to handle her bare skin against his fingertips.

“I guess I’m just overthinking,” he said with a frown. Mitch and Liam’s comments had gotten to him and affected his enjoyment.

“Okay,” she said, and he noticed how close her lips were to his. He smiled and gave her a gentle kiss, sweet enough to make her smile. “Let’s go downstairs before Sarah gets thrown into the pool,” she giggled as they pulled away.

As they walked downstairs, hands intertwined and smiles on their faces, Harry braced himself for the reactions from his friends when they saw Y/N. He walked in front of her, trying to shield her from their prying eyes, feeling protective.

“Here,” Harry said, handing them the trunks.

“The bathroom is at the end of the hall on your right,” Y/N instructed. The boys, too excited to notice her appearance, raced to get into the pool. She wrapped her arms around Harry’s torso, hiding her nearly naked body from view. She then walked over to Sarah, giving Harry’s neck a quick kiss before presenting the bikinis. “I brought you a few options because I wasn’t sure what you’d prefer. This one is just like mine but white.”

"Absolutely not. I don’t have the confidence to pull that off or the body."

"You don’t," Harry confirmed, earning a glare from Sarah and an elbow to the ribs from Y/N.

"Yes, you do! It’s 2024. Anyone can pull it off. Don’t listen to him," Y/N encouraged, but Sarah still declined. Y/N continued showing her different options until she settled on one. "You’re a jerk," she pouted, turning her attention to Harry after Sarah disappeared to change. Y/N then took some towels out of a closet and placed them on the three tanning beds outside, by the edge of the pool.

"I was just being honest," he shrugged, walking to the steps of the pool and getting in. The water was warm, feeling more like a jacuzzi than a pool, but he didn’t mind. It helped him relax. Y/N connected her phone to the speakers and started playing music, setting the ambiance for everyone. Meanwhile, Harry swam around, trying to clear his mind. When he came back up for air, he noticed Y/N had also submerged and was staring at the starry night.

"Beautiful, huh?"

"Kiss me," she demanded. Harry reached out, cupped her face in his hands, and pressed his lips and body against hers. Even though he had her pressed up against him, it still didn’t feel like enough. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and as he had imagined, her skin felt like silk under his touch.

She was surprised by his sudden burst of confidence, until he pulled away and his cheeks reddened. Y/N pecked his lips a few more times before the moment was cut short by Mitch, Liam, and Jeff running out and jumping into the pool.

"It’s so nice," Mitch smiled as he came up for air.

Sarah walked out wearing a two-piece, but a bit less revealing than Y/N’s. Harry had made her feel self-conscious and reminded her of her insecurities. He made a mental note to personally apologize to her. It had been a joke, but he had accidentally taken it too far. They swam and joked around for hours, even making fun of Y/N, who laughed and joined in. Harry watched, as she yawned, arguing with Mitch. He swam up to her and wrapped himself around her.

"Tired?" he whispered as Mitch started another argument with Liam. Meanwhile, Jeff floated around, looking at the dark sky, and Sarah sat by the steps with the water up to her neck, laughing at Mitch.

"A bit," Y/N admitted. Harry was also starting to get tired. "I think I’m going to head upstairs and get into bed," she announced. "You guys stay here if you like. Just make sure to close the doors and turn off the lights." Everyone muttered and waved goodbye.

"I’m going to go as well," Harry confessed, following her. Liam winked at him as he swam past. Y/N slicked her hair back as she stepped out, leaving Mitch and Liam with their mouths open wide. She was unbelievably irresistible, and Harry couldn’t blame them. She had curves in all the right places.

"It’s freezing," she complained, quickly wrapping a towel around her body. Harry followed her, closing the door behind them as they tiptoed, dripping water, up the stairs.

Chapter 6

[zenkindoflove]

Hi, not an Elriel, but when I first saw jinart369’s drawing, I straight away believed it to be AI. I actually thought it was quite obvious that she had traced from an AI image. The poses and facial features are all 100% reminiscent of AI. And although it’s not foolproof, I put her drawing of Gwyn in an AI image detector, and it came out at “94% likely to be AI”.

I don’t know the ethics around using AI to trace your work (is it more or less acceptable?). But scepticism about her art is valid. She doesn’t deserved to be harassed or ridiculed (neither does her husband), but imo, it’s clear she is using AI, and people are allowed to be frustrated with this (or at least allowed to educate about why this is harmful).

So let me get this straight anon who is "not an Elriel" (y'all really love to not claim yourselves). You thought that she was "tracing AI" so you put her art into a generator which uses Machine Learning/AI algorithms to "detect AI". So you're using AI to ask "is this AI".

Girl, STFU and get out of my face with this.

So you think this artist took images of AI art, which literally steals art and photography from other artists to look hyper realistic, printed it out and then traced it and then used her own artistic skills to finish the drawing?

If she was going to trace, why the fuck would she even bother with ugly AI art in the first place? She could just use photographs.

You aren't educating anyone because you can't even keep straight what the accusation is. Is she using AI? Is she tracing AI? Is she tracing at all? The only thing you're doing is stirring up shit to cause people to harass an artist. Full stop.

It's clear you guys hate that she makes beautiful Gwynriel art and you want to pick at SOMETHING because it LOOKS GOOD.

Now go back to your little fucking play pen with all the other pigs you roll around in the mud with.

[eff4freddie]

Touch | Part Eight

You and Ellie grow closer in Joel's absence. Jackson holds its breath for the return of the second expedition.

Words: 6k

Warnings: descriptions of injuries, angst, no smut I'm sorry

A/N: So this is the last big chapter of Touch. I'm planning a smutty epilogue because these two need a proper send off, but the main storyline ends here. Just want to thank you all for your support of this story, which was my first foray into writing fics for a long time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Part Seven | Series Masterlist | Epilogue

You and Ellie fell into a routine of sorts, occupying yourselves while waiting for news. In the morning Ellie would go down to the stables to ‘check the horses’, which you knew was code for her looking to see if Joel had slipped back into Jackson overnight, but he was her dad, and you didn’t begrudge it. You hated when she came back with her shoulders slumped.

Ellie had already decided she didn’t have to go to school given the circumstances, and you had no authority to fight her on it. Occasionally you would mention that Joel probably wouldn’t be pleased when he got back to discover she’d missed classes, and she had been so dismissive of the very idea that it took you right back to eighth grade, trying to hang out with the cool kids and being summarily ignored. You were basically her roommate. Roommates don’t nag each other to do their homework.

You were doing your own maths, anyway. If Marla had ridden through the night with Jacob strapped to her back it meant that the site of the ambush was a two-days ride away at a normal, non-life-threatening pace. It also meant it was a two-day ride back. If they encountered any nastiness on the way there or the way back that could waylay them for a few days, maybe more if there were injuries. And then, of course, there was the infinitely more complicated mathematics of how it would tally if they died. You weren’t sure what you would count, if that happened, if it wasn’t the days until they came back.

You wondered, if none of them made it back, where you would go. You would obviously have to leave Jackson, the destruction you, Ray and Marla wrought on the small community complete at that point. You just weren’t sure where, in which direction. Salt Lake sounded bad, and you were getting tired of the cold. You wondered if you would be able to make it down to the Gulf of Mexico, if you just headed south for as long as you could until you hit ocean. You knew it was unlikely you would be able to do it on your own, and you also knew that you would have to. That at the end of all this it was always going to be you, alone.

It didn’t hurt to think about. You were matter of fact about it. If they didn’t come back, you didn’t deserve to stay. You were pleased with the almost complete detachment you felt at the thought of it. At the freedom.

--

Maria and Robin dropped by while you were teaching Ellie the muscles of the back and neck, in the hope that she would have some kind of education upon Joel’s maybe-return. She was good at it, too, getting the hang of the Latin despite the language now being even more dead then when you leaned it. When they arrived, Ellie took Robin from Maria and cradled him in her arms, Maria showing her how to support the head while he dozed. For the first time since Ellie had arrived she was still, quiet, over-awed by the tiny, precious life in her arms. You took Maria into the kitchen and poured her some tea.

‘This takes me back,’ she said, and you grinned at her, offering to massage her feet. She demurred. ‘You don’t need to see what I’ve got going on under here,’ she said. ‘I mean, I haven’t seen it for months.’

You knew that Maria was checking on you, and you loved her for it and hated that she had to do it. Robin was only weeks old, barely a month, and yet she was nurturing you. You had barely seen her since the birth, since she had made you feel so necessary, so wanted, and your cheeks burned at the thought of it. The last two friends you had ended up dead or banished. You were just bad at it.

‘Hey,’ Maria said, like she could read your mind. She reached out and put her hand on yours, warm from the tea. ‘It must be weird…no, awful, to be the one left. I can’t imagine.’

You weren’t going to cry in your kitchen with Ellie in the other room holding Maria’s baby. That just wasn’t a thing that could happen. You swallowed hard, heard your jaw click under the strain.

‘I really like Ellie,’ you said, pain blooming from your temple into your eye socket. You consciously stretched your jaw, your hand over your mouth to try and cover it.

‘She’s a good kid, been through a lot,’ Maria agreed.

‘She’s a good distraction,’ you said, and Maria smiled at you.

‘I want you to know you have a place here,’ she said, and you wondered how she always knew the right thing to say, wondered if she could actually hear your thoughts. ‘Tommy…and me, well both of us, Tommy’s worried about you because…not just because of the expedition and the pharmacy and all of that going wrong, he’s worried that…’ Maria gathered herself for a second. ‘He’s worried that you only think of yourself in terms of what you can offer other people.’

You felt the sting of it, the little nerve Maria had unearthed, opened up to the chill of the air. You flinched away from it, but she was still holding your arm, and you realised you hadn’t noticed she hadn’t yet let you go. ‘Listen,’ she said, but kindly, and so you did. ‘When you came here, and we made you stand in front of the town council and basically said you could only stay if you contributed to the community…’

‘I understood that was how it works, of course it does,’ you said, and she raised her hand to shush you. You obeyed, again. She was growing into this mother thing.

‘I realised, we basically told you that all you’re worth to us is what you can do for us. Yes, its important everyone can contribute because that’s how we keep the place running. But I need you to know that’s not your value. I need you to know that.’

It was getting really hard not to cry. You could see her eyes misting over, her mouth in a grim line to bite back the tears. ‘I asked you to help me, to help with Robin, not because I wanted you to do something for me. It was just because…I just like you, is all.’

You didn’t even really think about it, you just grabbed her into your body and held her, and you felt her shaking a little, like she had been so terrified to tell you, and you didn’t want the Gulf of Mexico. You wanted her in your kitchen and Ellie in your loungeroom with Robin. You wanted Tommy chopping wood or storing coal or doing whatever the fuck manly shit needed doing around the place. You wanted Joel standing in his socks at the counter burning the toast and swearing under his breath about it. You wanted what you had always wanted, which was just to belong.

You pulled back from Maria, rubbing furiously at your eyes. She wiped the tears from hers.

‘I like you too,’ Ellie said, from the doorway, and you both startled, which made her jump a little, which jostled Robin, who delivered several pointed arguments about his thoughts on the experience.

‘Fuck, sorry,’ Ellie said, the panic written all over her face. ‘Oh fuck, I said fuck,’ she said, looking at you for help. You looked to Maria, who regarded you both with an amused expression on her face.

‘You two are as bad as each other,’ she said. She took Robin from her, and Ellie settled down at the table. For a second there was just the sound of Robin, grizzling in his mother’s arms.

‘Hey, Maria,’ Ellie said, lifting her hand to point to the muscle at the side of her neck under her ear. ‘Levator scap-yew-lay’ she said. You applauded her; genuinely, warmly, proudly.

--

You weren’t really ready to emerge from your cocoon, would have stayed hermitty and weird forever, except that Ellie wasn’t having it. For one she couldn’t sit still in the house for days on end, but she was still only fourteen and the idea that something might happen to her because you let her go out while you let yourself rot on the couch was even less palatable than having to be social.

The first time she took you to the mess hall you felt the anxiety at the bottom of your lungs, your sternum feeling like it had shrunk in your chest cavity. You were convinced people were staring, resentful of you and all that you brought with you. You didn’t want them to worry for Ellie, didn’t want them to wonder how you were going to corrupt her, end up with her dead or thrown out of the gates. You wanted to sit at one of the back tables, but Ellie was determined not to make any of it easy on you, and steered you over to the main table, the long one in the middle of the room, where a bunch of townsfolk were already chatting. You joined at the end of the row, feeling how you retracted into yourself, feeling your shoulders round over. Ellie sat opposite you and smiled at you, brightly. You realised she was treating you like some kind of project, a rehabilitate-the-crazy-lady experiment, maybe some kind of pet.

‘This is the soup they had the other week,’ Ellie said, gulping it down so fast you were worried she’d give herself indigestion. ‘The chicken one? Do you remember?’

You had no idea what she was talking about, and you stared at her.

‘I brought it round with half the loaf of bread. The kitchen ladies did not want me to have it. So, I swiped it while they were washing up.’

You felt something heavy roll in your stomach. ‘That was you? You brought the food?’ you asked, and you weren’t sure if – when you were finished being flawed – you were disappointed or relieved.

‘Yeah, didn’t you know?’ she asked, and you shook your head.

‘You didn’t leave a note or anything,’ you explained, feebly.

‘I guess not,’ she conceded.

‘I thought it might have been Tommy,’ you lied, unconvincingly, but Ellie wasn’t paying attention.

‘I mean, you were close. It was Joel’s idea,’ she said, and what you now realised was a full-sized boulder turned again in your gut.

‘It was?’ you squeaked, and she nodded into her nearly empty plate. You pushed your soup around, your mind trying too hard to digest this new information to turn itself to eating.

‘Did he say anything else?’ you asked, but you were interrupted by Tommy bursting into the mess hall, his eyes wide and scanning over the crowd.

‘They’re back!’ he called, and several people immediately rose, hustled for the door.

‘How many?’ someone yelled back, and Tommy nodded, but there was something wrong, something grim on his face that you didn’t want to acknowledge, didn’t want to even consider.

‘All of ‘em,’ he said, but then he faltered, and swallowed hard, and you knew, then, were already getting to your feet. ‘Some of them are in a bad way,’ he said, and he was looking at you and then looking at Ellie, and you were tucking her under your arm as you pulled her towards him at the door.

‘She shouldn’t see,’ he said to you, quietly, and you shook your head at him.

‘Try and fuckin’ stop me,’ she said, before you’d even had a chance to speak. He sighed, but you were past him then, your arm on the door pushing it open for her, shoving her through first.

--

The infirmary was only three rooms connected by a short corridor, and in times of serious outbreak or multiple injury it was woefully understaffed, under resourced.

There had already been some kind of make-shift triage for the returned residents, two of the men assigned to one room since they only needed looking over and could then be let go, but Dougie told you, pulled both you and Ellie aside to murmur in your ear, that Joel had his own room. The one next to the surgery.

‘Is he dead?’ Ellie asked, and if you didn’t know her as well as you now did you would have mistaken her bluntness for coldness, for desensitisation, but you knew instead that she was steeling herself, that if there was going to be pain she wanted it now, fast and hard, to rip into it with bared teeth.

Dougie shook his head, and you exhaled for maybe the first time, ever, in your life.

‘He’s not in a good way,’ Dougie said, but Ellie was already marching down the hall to see him, and you were already trailing behind her, your head over your shoulder to offer Dougie your whispered, harried thanks.

But you stopped when you got to his door, let Ellie slip through without you, suddenly considering that you could be intruding, that he had no interest in your being there, didn’t even know you’d been caring for his daughter while he was gone, or that she had been caring for you. You didn’t even really know him, weren’t sure how you felt about him, weren’t sure that you wanted to see him bleeding and broken, weren’t sure that you could handle not feeling his touch on yours again, his whispered encouragements as you came undone underneath him, the rise and fall of his chest under your ear as you both fought back sleep to stay awake together for just a little bit more increasingly precious time.

You’d marched down to the infirmary without even thinking about it, and now you were trapped in thinking too much about it, and what if he woke up and was angry at you again, found something else to throw in your face, and had you forgiven him for that or did that not even matter when he had nearly died, did arguments and anger and hurt just become nullified when the other person endangered themselves to protect you and the community you lived in, because that seemed like a dangerous precedent, and-

Ellie wrenched the door open and stared at you, paralysed, three steps away.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’ she said, reaching forward and pulling you in. ‘Get the fuck in here.’

It wasn’t like the movies. There wasn’t a beeping machine, a screen counting out his heart rate, his breaths. He had a little tube up his nose feeding him oxygen but he wasn’t in a white gown, wrapped up neat and tidy under a woven blanket. He was lying, still in his boots, crooked on an old, rusted gurney. Your eyes travelled over him, taking stock; the left eye swollen shut, the abrasion to the cheek suggesting a fractured orbital bone, the red and purple swelling across his brow and up to his temple. The blood under his fingernails, the makeshift splint trying and failing to straighten his obviously broken wrist. You stepped forward and opened his shirt, scanning for more injuries across his skin, found a deep gash in his side and countless bruises, something mottled and purple underneath his ribs. Like he’d been kicked while he was on the ground, while he was already down.

You felt a flash of anger, tears spilling over your cheeks. He was out cold, pale and shivering, and you raised your hands to his midsection, felt the wound there, deep and angry and so close to his spleen.

‘We checked him already, he’s not bit,’ Dougie said from the doorway, and you wiped at your face, set your mouth in a line, intended to turn and address him but couldn’t move from Joel. You felt Ellie standing at your shoulder, observing you as you checked him over. ‘He’s going to need half the supplies they brought back with them,’ Dougie said, laughing a little as if this was funny.

‘They got them?’ Ellie asked, and Dougie nodded to her.

‘Some are dangerously expired, but others are just…expired,’ he said. ‘I gave him some of the morphine, even though he was already out.’

‘He has a head injury,’ you pointed to his collar where dried blood was staining the pillow brown. ‘Are you sure that’s safe?’

‘I stitched him up,’ Dougie said, defensive. 

‘What if there’s internal…’ and you stopped yourself then, because Ellie was in the room, and her eyes kept swivelling back to Joel, back to his body, back to the blood. ‘The mottling,’ you said, without further explanation, in the hope that Dougie had managed to find that part of the textbook.

‘We don’t have many options, if there is,’ he said, and you felt yourself get woozy.

‘What have you done so far?’ you asked, and Dougie just stared at you for a second, and you were going to throttle him, actually kill him in this place of healing, if he didn’t answer at least one question properly in the next twenty seconds.

‘We can give him a transfusion, keep his blood pressure up.’

‘Tommy,’ Ellie piped up. ‘They’d have the same blood right? They’re brothers.’

You nodded at her, and she ran from the room. In her absence, you turned to Dougie.

‘Tell me,’ you said, simply, and he sighed.

‘It’s a wait and see game,’ he said. ‘If there’s serious internal bleeding we’d need to operate but…’ you looked around the room, observed the notable absence of a sterile field.

‘I can’t,’ you said, and you weren’t totally sure what exactly you were referring to, but that didn’t make it any less true.

Joel stirred in his sleep, just enough for you to swivel around to him, plant yourself down on a chair and grab at his hand.

‘Joel,’ you said, not sure if he could hear you, hoping he could, hoping he wasn’t in any pain and knowing it was impossible that he wouldn’t be. ‘Joel, I have Ellie, and she’s doing so well,’ you said, murmuring into his unresponsive face. ‘I have her, Joel, so you just rest, OK? You just get better.’

You reached up and gently, carefully, put your hand in his hair, rested it over his right temple, seemingly more intact than the left.

‘We just need you to get better, Joel,’ you said. ‘We all do.’  

You thought for a second you heard a grunt under the gentle rhythm of his breath. ‘Be OK, baby,’ you said, one hand in his hair and the other gripping his. ‘Just rest, and be OK.’

--

Tommy’s transfusion raised Joel’s blood pressure, which was good but also indicated that he had lost a lot of blood. Dougie showed you how to check his blood pressure manually with a cuff and a watch, and you kept an eye on it every hour. If it kept dropping, there was likely internal bleeding.

It remained stable through the night.

What had happened out there became clearer as the morning progressed, as the other riders were patched up. The group from Jackson had managed to find the pharmacy, had cleared it out and secured the perimeter, before turning back the way they came.

The remaining raiders, those who had managed to escape their pet clickers, had been tracking Marla’s path back to Jackson. They had seen how well-equipped Marla was, how strong Jacob had been, how well he had been able to muster up a defence. They’d figured that meant they were well fed, well stocked, that there would be somewhere worth pillaging if they could get to it.

They were young but they were clever, probably only just born on outbreak day, and they’d managed to circle the group before Joel had noticed them. He’d shot one of them point blank, rearing his horse back to try and get to the others before they could clock what was happening, but the younger men had been quicker. He’d fallen from his horse, or maybe shoved off, it wasn’t clear in the chaos, and they’d tried to drag him, pulled him by the arms away from the group, stomped on his ribs a few times. He’d fought them the whole way, scoring a couple of gashes to his chest and abdomen in the process. It was only when the dust had settled, when the three raiders were dead and Joel was struggling to mount his horse, seemingly unable to coordinate his limbs, that they noticed the blow to his head. He’d been woozy, then, stumbling over his words, but they’d managed to get him upright on the horse enough to limp back to Jackson. They’d almost made it back when Joel blacked out completely, falling forward into his horse’s neck and not sideways, this small stroke of luck possibly saving him from an even worse fate.  

You listened to all of it, this breathless retelling of actual and near death. You could hear, even through the exhaustion and the pain, the awe the second expedition party held for Joel. That he had seen the raiders, maybe heard them, maybe smelt them, that he was so fast on the draw, so accurate with his shot, so quietly deadly. That he had gone down swinging. That he had come back up.

These stories drifting down the hallway to you, to where Joel lay. Your eyes raked over his body, his wrist now properly splinted and bandaged, his wounds sewn up. He drifted in and out of consciousness, aided by the expired morphine, but he tended to come back to the world fighting. The first time he’d nearly knocked Ellie off the end of the bed, had ripped the breathing tube out of his nose so hard he’d permanently bent it, had been wild eyed and terrified and so lethal, so deadly, as you grabbed his face and turned it to yours, told him where he was, told him who he was, while Dougie injected more drugs under his skin. After he had slipped back under, you liked to imagine that before the drugs he had been relieved to see you, that you had eked out a measure of comfort for him, that he knew you were there, that he wanted you to be.

The second time you sent Ellie away. It was late and Joel was finding new and creative ways to swear the infirmary into the ground, and you could sense the worry in her. You reassured her you’d stay with him, that you didn’t need anything to eat, could sleep in the chair by the bed. That she shouldn’t have to see this, that she didn’t need to hurt herself just to keep him close. You would do that for her. You would reach into yourself and carve away a space for him. Keep yourself hollowed out and aching, should he decide to make a home between your ribs.

You had already decided that when he woke properly you would leave him there, go and get Ellie and Tommy. Not intrude on the family. Go and sit in your little kitchen and run your fingertips over the kitchen table, let the wood grain catch on your skin, scrape the cells from you where you had held his hand.

You didn’t expect to sleep, so you startled awake, confused and aching in places you didn’t know you had from the stupid fucking chair, when Joel stirred again. Judging by the darkness it could only have been 3 AM, maybe 4. You steeled yourself for whatever destruction Joel was about to bring down on his own sick bed, lifted his hand in yours to your cheek, rested your face in his palm, hoped the weight and the heat of it would settle him, would ground him. You heard him clear his throat. This time, however, he was just exhausted, just himself.

‘I can go,’ you offered, too quickly considering he was still orienting himself, and you cringed, started to backtrack. ‘You’re in the infirmary,’ you started again, collecting yourself, watching his face for any hint of fear, any hint of anger.

‘Ellie,’ he croaked, his voice dry.

‘She’s staying with me, she’s OK,’ you said, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder and then pausing, doubting, dropping it instead to the pillow.

‘Thirsty,’ he grunted.

‘Oh,’ you said, immediately snapping upwards and nearly knocking yourself out on the lamp over the bed. ‘Right, of course.’ Dougie had brought you water and a packet of dry ramen noodles approximately seventeen years past their use-by-date. You poured him a glass, cradling his neck to help him angle himself to drink it. You felt the heat of his skin on your arms as you lifted him. You didn’t think about it. Not at all.

‘Do you hurt anywhere?’ you asked, and he grunted at you. You knew it was a stupid question, and you tried again. ‘Do you want me to get Dou…the doctor, to get you some more drugs?’

‘Not yet,’ he whispered. You leant in close to him so that you could hear, and he fixed you then with a gaze sharper than anyone who had been unconscious for as long as he had should have been able to. ‘Makes me fuzzy and I want to…’ he trailed off, his eyes scanning your face.

‘I didn’t come to you about Marla because I think you’re a killer,’ you said, realised you had been waiting to say it to him, hoping he would wake up so you could finally set him straight. ‘I came to you because I knew you wouldn’t be cruel. I knew you’d do it well. Respect her.’

He lifted an arm as if he was going to cradle your jaw in his hands, but his face shifted into pain the moment he moved. You realised his ribs would be screaming in protest, and you grabbed his arm and forced it back to the mattress. ‘Don’t,’ you said, ‘it’s OK, I’m here.’

Joel turned his eyes to the ceiling, and you could tell that he was hurting. ‘I’m going to get you the drugs, you can’t just lie here like this…’ you said, standing up again. He grabbed your arm to stop you turning away from him, his grip strong, as he kept his eyes on the ceiling.

‘Ask me why,’ he grunted, through gritted teeth.

‘Why what?’ you asked, and saw the way he was bracing against the pain, felt a shot of frustration with yourself for prolonging it with your stupid fucking questions. ‘Why?’ you asked him.

‘Wanted to be a good man for once,’ he said. You sucked in a breath. ‘For Ellie,’ he went on, closing his eyes. ‘For you.’

You could feel something coming loose in you, a snapping of a hinge, the whine of a rusted and long-abandoned cellar door.

‘Joel,’ you said, because there wasn’t much else you could say in that moment, trying so hard to hold down the stirring turmoil in your chest. He held up his hand to stop you, almost waving you away, and you knew it was because it was hurting him to stay awake, hurting him to say it out loud, hurting him to hear you upset and not being able to soothe it for you. So much hurting in this bruised, bloodied body.

‘Let me…the drugs,’ you said, pulling yourself away from him, feeling his fingers grasp for you. ‘I’ll be here when you wake up,’ you reassured him, his eyes closed and his jaw tight. ‘I’ll be here,’ you said again, saw him nod, took the permission to finally, finally relieve him.

--

You weren’t there.

Couldn’t bring yourself to be, unnerved by the way his gaze snapped to yours, the way he had grasped for you, the way you felt the fracture of something vital, something that had kept you alive all these years. You sent Ellie in first thing in the morning, told her that he was calmer overnight and that you needed a proper sleep, set yourself up on the couch and tried not to think about it, tried to close your eyes and let sleep take you, felt it abandon you like you’d just done Joel.

You figured he wouldn’t remember it, what you had promised him, what he had said. The morphine would wash it away, would cleanse it from him. You would need to carry it, feel it sloshing around against your legs as you walked, but you were OK with that so long as it was only yours.

You busied yourself, cleaned up a little around the house because living with an un-housebroken teenager was a challenge in itself, went to the mess hall and bartered for a loaf of bread and a parcel of butter no bigger than a quarter, wrapped up in grease paper. That butter was going to cost you two massages but you knew Ellie preferred it, that without it there was so little flavour you could offer her.

You thought about going to Maria’s, thought about lifting Robin’s forehead to your lips and feeling his gentle, simple warmth thaw you out. But you worried Tommy would be there, that he would ask you why you weren’t with Joel, that he would ask you why had been, why you’d spent nearly three days at his bedside only to abandon him the second he was vaguely aware you were there.

You didn’t know how to explain. You couldn’t even get it straight in your own head. You wanted to cower from it, the strength of it, the weight. You took the back way back to your house, hoped you would slip out of everyone’s mind if you stayed out of sight.

Tommy was on your doorstep when you got there. Of course he was.

‘He’s askin’ for ya,’ he said, simply. You felt your shoulders drop, the defeat ripping up your spine, and you shrugged at him, your bottom lip wobbling.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ you said, simply, the six words that could kill you in an apocalypse. Tommy didn’t pretend not to understand. He took the packages from your arms, left you standing on the porch while he went inside and set them down. Came back out carrying a warm jacket for you and a cushion from the couch.

‘That damn ‘firmary chair is awful,’ he said, and you gave him a watery smile. ‘He’s askin’ for ya, so that’s what we’ll do,’ he said. You nodded at him. He took your elbow, led you down into the town.

‘It’ll be Spring soon,’ he said, making conversation, as you sniffed into the midday cold. ‘Jackson’s so beautiful in Spring, the wildflowers, the new leaves on the trees. You’ll love it.’

You nodded again, barely listening, wondering if you would ever be able to form actual sentences again. ‘S’new life,’ Tommy went on, ‘everything feels new. Like comin’ out of somethin’. Like a crack under the door where the light gets in.’

‘I don’t know if I can do this,’ you said.

‘Which part?’

‘All of it,’ you answered, sweeping your arms in front of you.

‘Well, you gotta do somethin’, so it might as well be this,’ Tommy said. It occurred to you that Maria’s ability to drop truth bombs at exactly the right moment was rubbing off on Tommy. You’d need to have a word to her about it.

Tommy led you into the infirmary, as if you didn’t have the place mapped like the back of your hand at that point, and down towards Joel’s room. He stopped at the door, and you realised he’d come as far as he was going to go. You looked at him, hoping for some final wisdom that might push you over the line.

‘What if he’s mad at me?’ you asked, feeble and weak.

‘He’s askin’ for ya,’ Tommy said, one last time, and you finally understood. You felt prickling heat at the back of your eyes, but Tommy had the good grace not to mention it, not to try to comfort or soothe, knew that it would make it worse somehow, bring it too close. With a shaky hand, you pushed open the door.

Joel was propped up, awake and gazing out the window at the street. He turned to you as you walked in, and your breath left you. The swelling around his eye had gone down, he was already looking less purple and bloodied than the night before, was more alert, was more him. You paused in the doorway, took him in as he waited for you.

‘Hi’, you said, barely above a whisper. You were gripping your hands in front of you, shivering in the doorway. You waited for him to yell, to thrash, to chew you out for leaving him to wake up alone and in pain.

You didn’t expect his eyes to mist over, for his bottom lip to tremble. For him to be soft, for him to need you.

‘C’mere,’ he said, lifting his good arm up to beckon you, and you fell into the four steps to him, launched yourself at his bed, gripped him by the waist and lay your head on his good shoulder, ignored his sharp intake of breath as you jostled him. You felt the tears spill over, your face tucked into his elbow while he ran his hands through your hair, and he held you as you sobbed into him.

This time, you knew it was for all of them. For the entire balance sheet, for the grand tally. For your parents, for Marla and for Ray, for Maria who so very much reminded you of your sister, for nearly losing Joel, for Ellie tucked up in your bed pretending she wasn’t counting the seconds until his return. For the love you held for all of them, your collection of losses and grief, for the realisation that all this time you hadn’t been feeling the absence of love but the presence of it, its full force, that it hadn’t gone anywhere, that so long as the love stayed so did they, in just enough of a way to sustain you.   

‘M’sorry,’ you muttered after a while, trying to pull back. He held you firm to him, his chin on the top of your head.

‘Scared ya, I guess,’ he said, and you could only nod.

‘There’s so much that scares me,’ you whimpered, and he grunted his agreement.  

‘M’scared too,’ he said. You raised your head to look at him, to understand, and he gazed down at you. ‘This is somethin’. Right?’ he asked, his voice giving out on the question.  

‘Think so,’ you said. He smiled, warmly, down at you, lifted a hand to rub at his face.  

‘We did it arse-backwards,’ he said, and you waited for him to explain. ‘Haven’t even dated ya, and here we are clingin’ to each other like…’ He trailed off, and you weren’t sure how you wanted him to finish that sentence, were sure you just wanted to continue to rest your head on his chest while he spoke, wanted to hear the timbre of it, feel the resonance.

‘Like it’s the end of the world?’ you finished for him, eventually. He chuckled.

The two of you fell into a silence, a warm one, a silence filled with all the words you were going to get to say to each other, when the time was right.

‘Is there anything you need? Anything I can do?’ you asked, after a long while.

‘Don’t need you to do anythin’ more than you already have. Just be patient with me, baby. S’been a long time since I felt this’ he said.

You reached over and took his hand from where it rested on his belly, turned his fingers over in the grey light from the window, examined the cracks, the swelling, the cuts. You lifted a knuckle to your lips, tasted the copper across your tongue, the tang of it, the life under his skin.

Gently, so gently, you held him there, felt his pulse against your skin, felt his body give, the tension in his muscles unspool. Heard his breathing slow, his other arm gripping tight around you. You let your eyes drift close, not having to see him to know that he was right there, in this moment with you. That he was with you, that this was the two of you.

That you had his touch. That he had yours.

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