#glad to be over with the institution but i am going to miss some of my professors and most of my friends

[like-butterflies-and-glitter]

girlf finish packing? i haven't even started 😭

[mymoodwriting]

Because You're Mine

Female!Reader x Werewolf!SKZ

Genre: A/B/O

Warning: Insomnia, Anxiety, Panic Attack, PTSD, Pheromones, ABO Dynamics, Mentions of Assault, Physical Assault, Restraints, Gags, Abuse, Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Bullying

Words: 4.6K

Chapter One

(//Next) (@starillusion13)

Prompt: With omegas completely removed from society, they needed their own communities and institutions to grow. All your life you had lived and gone to school alongside your fellow omegas, and orphaned alphas. You had managed to keep yourself together, but now at the university level, keeping your secret had grown impossible. You had to face your fears and make friends with an alpha eventually, and now was the time.

“Can you believe it!? Tomorrow is graduation…”

“… yay…”

“Could you be any more excited?”

You sighed, staring up at the blank ceiling. You had honestly been dreading this day for years now, but it finally caught up to you. Graduation should be something to celebrate, but it just meant things were going to get harder for you. It was the reason why you were still awake so late into the night. You were anxious about tomorrow, whereas your roommate and best friend Jisung was excited. Even if he was making a joke he knew what was on your mind.

“Y/n… after graduation we’re gonna be moved to a different campus, a bigger one, and there-”

“I know.”

“You’re gonna get found out sooner or later… you should tell someone so-”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Y/n… you can’t hide this forever…”

“You can’t tell anyone!”

“Y/n-”

“Promise me, Jisung.”

“I promise I won’t tell anyone… but I am worried about you…”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll figure something out.”

“Don’t forget I’m here for you.”

“I won’t. Thanks, Jisung.” 

“We should probably get some sleep though.” Jisung chuckled. “Big day tomorrow.”

“Yeah… good night, Jisung.”

“Good night, y/n.”

♥♥♥♥♥

Even if you only slept a few hours you still needed to be up early for graduation. You woke up before Jisung, letting him sleep in a bit more before getting him out of bed. Both your outfits were simple, but you still had to check in early at the ceremony site. It was kind of weird to have such a big celebration considering no one was here to see you. All the alphas and omegas here were orphans, never having known their parents. Besides faculty and staff, and the graduates themselves, no one else would be present. It made it feel like something was missing, but then again you just wanted this whole thing over with. After the long ceremony everyone was given a few hours to refresh and rest before the big party would begin. Of course you had no desire to attend, so you were just glad you could turn in early and enjoy a quiet night.

“Are you really not going?”

“It’s not her scene, Felix.” Jisung explained. “You gonna be alright?”

“Yup.” You smiled. “The whole dorm is gonna be quiet, so it’s like I have it all to myself.”

“That doesn’t sound bad at all. I’ll message you when I’m on my way back.”

“Cool. Now you two have fun.”

“Will do.”

Besides Jisung, you didn’t have many other friends. There was Felix who you knew pretty well, but he was more Jisung’s friend than yours. You were just fine with your mini circle of friends, although you weren’t sure how it would develop going forward. After graduation everyone got a week to just do as they pleased before the moving began. No one really had much to their name so when it came time to move it was fairly easy. You got lucky that Jisung was still your roommate, and you both loved the spacious upgrade to your dorm situation.

While in your high school years your dorm was pretty small, and for omegas only, the alphas had their own building. The school itself was also a decent size that could accommodate everyone that was there. For those couple years the alphas and omegas were separated with a few classes being co-ed. It would still be the same at the university level, but there was more of a choice. The alphas still had certain classes to take that were only for them, but omegas could pursue any type of knowledge by either taking omega only classes, or the co-ed ones.

The campus itself was also different. There were more students around in general. Those a year ahead of you, and also other incoming freshmen from other academies. It did feel a bit overwhelming, but you had a plan to make things easier for yourself. Besides the classes, there were some omega only spaces, and you’d be sticking to those. You wanted to pursue science and learn more about your world, whereas Jisung was excited to get into the arts. He was always very creative and passionate so you were excited to see where things went for him.

You took omega only classes, and afterwards you’d continue your studies in the library. There was an omegas only section there, and you always reserved a study room for yourself. On occasion Jisung and Felix would join you, having homework they needed to do. If you weren’t in class or at the library you’d simply go back to your dorm. There were plenty of omega only activities that you could participate in, but you preferred to keep for yourself. Although you were glad there was an arts class you and Jisung shared, Felix too.

“Y/n, you’re not looking too good.” Felix commented. “Are you okay?”

“Hm? I’m just tired, stayed up late last night studying.”

“Why did you choose science? It can be pretty hard.”

“Yeah but there are some questions I want to find answers for.”

“But aren’t the more advanced classes co-ed?” Jisung mentioned. “You’d only be able to go so far.”

“I know.”

“What does that mean?” Felix questioned.

“Nothing.” You assured. “I’m gonna head back to the dorm and catch up on some sleep. You guys can use my study room reservation if you need to.”

“Thanks.” Jisung smiled. “You get some sleep.”

“Will do. You two stay out of trouble.”

“No promises.”

When you got back to your dorm you put your bag down and dived into bed, snuggling the sheets. Luckily sleep came easy, so you got some good rest. You woke up a few hours later, checking the time and seeing you still had some daylight. You got out of bed to freshen up so you could do your assignments. While you were in the bathroom you heard the door unlocking, a bit surprised to hear that Jisung was back so soon. Usually he’d barely be getting out of a class at this time.

You stepped out to go greet him, and then the scent hit you. Jisung wasn’t at the door, it was an alpha. You quickly scrambled back to the bathroom and locked the door. You were already finding it difficult to breathe but you needed to calm down in order to hide yourself. You had no idea why an alpha was in your dorm, or how they got a key, but you didn’t care for it. All you wanted was for them to leave. You heard some rummaging around, and then things got quiet. You thought maybe they had left, but then you heard the bathroom door knob jiggle, followed by a knock.

“Are you okay in there?”

The voice was not Jisung at all, nor was it anyone you recognized. Of course it wasn’t anybody you knew, you didn’t socialize with alphas.

“I’m fine!” You stammered out. “Please… please leave…”

“Are you sure? You sound stressed and your scent-”

“Go away!”

You wanted to get away from the door and wound up tripping over the floor mat. You hit your head against the wall, reaching over to the wound and feeling the throbbing from the pain.

“Are you okay!”

Now the alpha was trying to open the door again with far greater urgency. Your vision was a bit blurry, but hearing the alpha try to break in shot your fear up to eleven. With the pain in your head, and the feeling of impending doom it was becoming very hard to breathe or focus. You screamed when you heard the alpha throwing themselves against the door. You were frozen in fear, starting to cry, and desperately hoping they’d hear your cries for them stop. It didn’t help though, and soon enough the door swung open. You couldn’t see the alpha through your tears, but they didn’t hesitate to approach you, even if you tried to push them away.

“Let me see. Are you hurt?”

The alpha pulled you into their arms and moved your hand away, examining your head. Thankfully you weren’t bleeding, but now that they were close they could smell the fear and panic on you.

“What’s wrong? Did someone-”

“Go away!”

You tried to push the alpha away from you again, but they only grabbed your hands which made you squirm all the more. You desperately tried to pull away but they kept their grasp firm, and only pulled you closer to them. They spoke softly to you, looking at you with sincere concern on their face.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” The alpha asked. “It’s okay, you’re not bleeding. You’re not hurt, you’re just fine.”

You continued to scream and thrash, just wanting the alpha to leave you alone and go away but they weren’t listening. Instead they pulled you into their embrace and wrapped their arms around you, trying to sooth you.

“Deep breaths, it’s okay, everything’s going to be okay.”

You couldn’t get away from their scent now that your face was buried in their chest. They smelled nice, and you could definitely tell they were trying to calm you down but it was directly clashing with your desire to escape. You were still trying to fight, but their scent was getting to you, turning your screams into silent cries.

“There, there, you’re okay, you’re okay, I got you.”

“Y/N!”

Jisung returned to the dorm out of breath, looking around in a panic while calling your name. Soon enough he found you in the bathroom and his eyes went wide.

“Let her go, Chan!”

Without hesitation Jisung pulled Chan away from you, shoving him out of the bathroom and focusing his attention on you.

“Are you okay, y/n? Hey, can you hear me?”

“… jisung… is that… you…”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s me. Are you okay? I’m so sorry.”

“… jisung…”

You were still scared and out of it, your eyes were starting to tear up again. You could barely talk through your sobs.

“It’s okay, I’m here, it’s okay. Let’s get you out of these clothes and into a shower.”

Jisung got up to turn on the shower head, making sure the water was warm before putting you under it. He got you out of your shirt, and took off his own jacket, holding it out to you.

“Here. That’s my scent, just take a deep breath. You’re okay.”

“Jisung-”

“Get out!”

Jisung got up and pushed Chan away, shoving him out of the dorm. The other boy didn’t fight him, but was very confused over the situation.

“Jisung, what-”

“Get out before security realizes you’re here. And not a word of this to anyone!”

“What just happened!?”

“Nothing, now go.”

Jisung shut the door and took a breath before getting back to you. He found you with your face buried in his jacket, now completely soaked from the water. After a while he helped you out of the shower, drying you off with a towel and tossing your wet clothes in the corner. You leaned against him, resting your head on his chest, breathing in his scent and gradually calming down. You felt much better now.

“I’m sorry.” Jisung apologized. “It slipped my mind that you were in the dorm. I thought it’d be no problem to have Chan come and get something of his while I was in class. This is all my fault, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine… nothing bad happened…”

“I’ll talk to him, make sure-”

“It’s okay, Jisung. I’m glad you’ve made friends.”

“You can be mad at me, you know.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know. I put you in danger…”

“It wasn’t your fault.” You assured. “How did you meet this alpha anyway?”

“Oh, we’re in the same class and share a couple interests. So we kind of hit it off from there.”

“Look at you, making friends.”

“Stop it.”

“Just saying. I’m happy for you.”

It took a bit but you were able to put the whole thing behind you and continue with your life. Jisung didn’t bring it up again, but he was a bit more cautious around you. The only difference was that every now and then you would see Chan around Jisung. You knew they were friends and nothing bad was gonna happen, but you still felt uneasy. Whenever Chan would notice you around you’d quickly avoid his gaze and hurry along with your business. Besides all that you didn’t think anything would come of the previous incident, but you were wrong.

“Ms. y/n?”

“Uh… yes… how can I help you?”

“The headmaster wants to see you.”

“Wa… what for…”

“Please come with us.”

After one of your classes two faculty members, along with a security guard, approached you. Just seeing them put you on edge, so the fact they were asking for you specifically made it worse. You had no choice in the matter but to go with them.

♥♥♥♥♥

“Jisung!”

Felix came running into the cafeteria, finding his friend at one of the tables. He interrupted the group conversation but he didn’t care. He took a moment to catch his breath before speaking.

“What’s up?”

“It’s y/n…” Felix breathed. “I saw her being escorted by faculty and security.”

“What!? Why!?”

“I don’t know, but she seemed scared.”

“Scared… what would-”

Jisung stopped in his tracks and looked over at Chan. The boy was silent, but a glint in his eyes told Jisung everything.

“What did you do!”

“There’s something going on with your friend and I’m trying to help.”

“You’ve done the opposite of help.” Jisung snapped. “Fuck!”

There was only one place you’d wind up. Jisung got up, leaving his things behind and bolting out of the cafeteria. Chan chased after him and caught up to him, holding him back.

“Where are you going?”

“None of your business!”

“Jisung, whatever’s going on isn’t good.”

“You don’t know anything!”

“All I know is that she was panicking for no reason and I wasn’t actually helping.”

“You have no idea.”

“Then explain it to me.”

“It’s not my story to tell, and it’s too late now. So let go!”

“You’re not gonna get her out of this.”

“I know that, but she’s also not gonna be able to speak for herself.”

♥♥♥♥♥

You nervously sat outside the headmaster’s office, fidgeting with your hands and shaking your leg. This could be nothing related to what you were thinking, but at the same time it could be. If that was the case, well, Jisung always told you that you’d get found out in the end. While thinking of him you suddenly heard your name called.

“Y/n!”

Jisung came running down the hall towards you. He was out of breath but still took your hand, pulling you onto your feet and into a hug.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m scared…”

“I know, I know, but everything’s gonna be okay.”

“Jisung…”

“Deep breaths. I’m here with you.”

Jisung took his jacket off and put it on your shoulders, pulling you into his arms. Just then the door to the headmasters office opened. The secretary asked for you to step in, but Jisung wasn’t going to let you go in alone. He kept a hold of your hand and pushed his way into the office with you.

“What’s going on?” Headmaster Shim asked. 

“I want to ask the same thing.” 

The headmaster raised a brow and Jisung quickly apologized. Even if he had the strength to stand up for you, the headmaster was still an alpha and held power over any omega.

“… sorry… I… I need to know why you called y/n here.”

“Why?”

“The matter may pertain to me. I’ve been her roommate since high school.”

“I see. This may pertain to you as well. Sit. Both of you.”

You both sat down in front of the headmaster’s desk, Jisung still holding your hand. You couldn’t make eye contact with the headmaster, and kept your head low. That way Jisung’s scent was right in your face and could keep you calm.

“Now. I received a report of unusual, and concerning, behavior in regards to y/n. I’m beginning to understand the reason for the report. So, which of you will explain?”

“That depends. You-”

“Mr… what was your name again?”

“Jisung. Han Jisung.”

“Mr. Jisung, you seem to know more about this incident than anyone else. I’m not happy with what I am seeing right now, and I need to know what is going on in order to fix it. So please, tell me what is going on.”

Jisung glanced over at you. He couldn’t imagine how you felt right now being so close to an alpha, but he could feel a slight tremble coming from your hand. He knew there was no hiding this anymore. For your sake he needed to speak the truth, no matter what happened. Jisung got up and pulled you into his arms again, softly rubbing your back.

“It’s okay, everything’s going to be okay.” Jisung took a breath. “Headmaster Shim.”

“Yes?”

“Y/n was assaulted her sophomore year of high school.”

“Excuse me?”

You buried your face into Jisung’s chest, trying to focus on his scent and not his words. You couldn’t help the tremble in your body, biting your lip to hold back tears. You thought you could forget that horrible night, but it always lingered in the back of your mind. You feared the day it would come to light as you had no idea what the consequences would be.

♥♥♥♥♥

“We told you to back off!”

You were always a loner that kept to herself. You only managed to make friends with your roommate Jisung, and were kinda friends with his friend, Felix. Besides that you stuck to yourself. You didn’t cause trouble, and you never wanted to, but it wound up finding you. There was this alpha in your class. Super pretty and very popular. He had both alphas and omegas fawning over him. You weren’t interested, but apparently he was interested in you. Because of that you had a target on your back

Just because alphas and omegas were meant to end up together, it wouldn’t stop them from dating one another while young. Even then one didn’t know what the future held. It made sense for omegas to fawn over alphas, but the opposite wasn’t so common, especially when it was an alpha crushing on an omega. What upset everyone the most is that you weren’t already crushing on the alpha, so the others felt like you didn’t deserve his affections. You only thought he was being nice to you, and you were grateful for that, but you didn’t think there was much else to his kindness. Although you’d soon learn it didn’t come with consequences.

You’d always stay late after classes to get your assignments done. So by the time you left the library the school would mostly be empty. After one of your study sessions you were making your way through the empty hall when you were suddenly attacked. A bag was placed over your head and you felt multiple hands grabbing you and dragging you away. You didn’t know what was happening, but you knew you were being taken down some stairs. Then you had your hands tied behind your back, and your legs tied together. The bag over your head never came off, but it was pulled up in order to gag you.

Once you were restrained things got quiet. You could hear multiple heartbeats around you, and some low whispers. Then you began to catch scents. You couldn’t identify anyone at the moment, but you knew that they were all alphas. You had never been afraid of alphas before, or saw them as greater than you, but this was seriously scaring you. After a long while you felt this crowd approach you, someone kicking you over onto your back. You moved over to be on your side but got shoved onto your back again, someone putting their foot on your chest to keep you still.

“You should’ve known better.”

“An alpha like that wouldn’t choose someone like you. So what did you do!”

“She’s just a desperate omega trying to get attention.”

“If you want the attention of an alpha there are plenty others to choose from.”

“So how are we gonna teach this omega a lesson?”

“I have an idea. Got this from the infirmary.” 

“What is it?”

“No idea, but it’s not meant for students.”

“Are you sure it won’t kill her?”

“Doubt it, but we can give her a little bit just to be safe.”

You started squirming again when you heard them talk about giving you something, but the pressure on your chest only got more severe. You already felt like you couldn’t breathe, and the panic you were feeling only made it worse. You felt the bag over your head being lifted up, followed by a pinch on your neck. You started desperately thrashing around to no avail, and soon enough you began to feel uncomfortable in your own skin. It started off gradually, like a fever, but it was soon becoming unbearable. You didn’t want to cry, but you were certainly screaming into the gag, desperate for anything to make this feeling go away.

You could hear laughter though. Everyone had stepped back to watch the show, to watch you suffer. After a while you stopped screaming and were just crying for help, but they all ignored you. Sometimes they’d step forward to kick you, wanting to see your reaction. Your head was spinning, and your body was tired from fighting the restraints. You were certain you were going to pass out soon enough, but they weren’t gonna let you go quietly. Now that you had calmed down they got closer, poking at you softly. Even if they were so close you couldn’t identify anyone, all you had was a mixing scent of alphas and no one else. They kept bothering you until you actually passed out, realizing you were no fun unconscious.

Even when you woke up later you had no idea how much time had passed. You were still in the dark, your body sore and aching all over. You couldn’t even bring yourself to cry or scream, everything having been rung out of you. In this situation you weren’t even sure if anyone would find you, or if the alphas that did this would drop a hint as to where you were. The thought of dying there crossed your mind, it was so grim, but you had no idea what those alphas were capable of doing. At some point you must have passed out again, but with the bag over your head it was hard to figure out if you were really awake or not.

“Y/n!”

You heard your name being called, and even though you were exhausted your body tensed up. You were trembling from fear, whimpering as well. When you felt a hand on you your body flinched.

“I’m sorry… just…”

You felt the bag come off your head and immediately shut your eyes. You needed a second to adjust to the light. Whoever was here helped you sit up, giving your arms a bit of a break. You slowly peeked your eyes open, coming to find a familiar face. You felt tears well up in your eyes, your body relaxing a bit as well.

“What happened to you…”

Jisung undid your arms and legs, getting the gag off you as well. Once you were free you started crying and Jisung gently pulled you into his arms. Breathing in his scent further put you at ease, and he just held you for however long you needed him to. You’d later find out it was the next morning. After missing two classes Jisung ditched the next to go looking for you. Everyone thought you were sick but he wasn’t buying it. After all, he was your roommate and knew you weren’t in the dorm. Not to mention when he went to sleep and woke up you weren’t there. He retraced your steps and followed your fading scent from outside the library, finding you in a wretched situation in the basement.

You were in no condition to be going to class, although you pleaded with Jisung to just get you back to the dorm instead of going to the infirmary. Despite his better judgment he did as you asked. Back at the dorm you took a cold shower, wanting to wash everything away. You broke down again and Jisung held you, doing his best to assure you that everything was going to be alright. When you were strong enough you told him what had happened to you. He wanted to go to the headmasters office now more than before but you didn’t want to make a big deal of this or get them in trouble. You sounded crazy to him, but you begged him to keep quiet.

Jisung kept your secret, but he also kept a closer eye on you. He didn’t leave you alone after that, and he could also see how you changed. You avoided the alphas from the class, all of them. You didn’t know who was responsible but the scent of an alpha alone would make you panic. Jisung was weary of all the alphas too, but he just focused on looking after you and getting through the rest of the year. Over time you were able to be like your old self, but he knew you’d never be the same again. You still avoided all the alphas, even the teachers. You were doing okay, but Jisung knew that the truth would get exposed one day.

♥♥♥♥♥

“Why wasn’t this reported earlier?”

To say that headmaster Shim was angry was an understatement. For a second Jisung tensed up from the shift in scent, but they quickly composed themselves.

“I… she didn’t… she didn’t want to get anyone in trouble…”

“The reason for the OCPD is to look after omegas. If any alpha were to go against that ideal then they are not fit to be agents.” Headmaster Shim took a breath. “I will gather a list of the alphas from your high school class and we’ll need to-”

“No.”

You were shaking your head, trembling in Jisung’s embrace. The incident may have been nearly three years ago but it felt like just yesterday for you.

“I’m overlooking the fact that you didn’t report this to me when it happened, but the guilty party can not go unpunished. Miss y/n here may not be the only victim to this type of cruel behavior. Not to mention a staff member from the infirmary failed to report a supply discrepancy. This goes beyond just the two of you.”

“I… I’m sorry…” You mumbled. “I’m sorry…”

“What happens then?” Jisung asked. “After you catch those responsible.”

“They’ll be removed from the institution and miss y/n needs to begin therapy.”

“Therapy?”

“She’s been trembling since she set foot in here because I’m an alpha. And her records show she avoids any interaction with alphas in general, not to mention her behavior in regards to the recent incident. You also need to explain that one. An alpha shouldn’t be in the omega dorm.”

“Right…”

“For now the priority is with miss y/n. We can have a separate conversation later.”

“Of course, but I don’t want y/n going through any of this alone.”

“I appreciate that, but you are also an omega like herself. Part of her therapy will involve reworking her relationship with an alpha. I’ll need to find someone to-”

“Chan…” You whispered.

“Huh?” Jisung questioned. “What did you say?”

“Chan… he… he’s okay…”

“What?”

“Is that your choice?” Headmaster Shim asked. “You’d like him to assist with your situation going forward?”

“… yes…”

“That’s good. It gives us a good starting point.”

“You want to hang out with Chan?” Jisung wondered. “Really?”

“He was nice…”

[othernicknameisgaslighter]

The Wisp pt. 1

(Cross posted on tumblr and AO3)

__________⁅⁆⁅⁆__________⁅⁆⁅⁆__________⁅⁆⁅⁆__________⁅⁆⁅⁆__________

Masterlist - Next Chapter

Clink, clink, clink

Porcelain joints clinked together as Y/N walked. It was a soft sound, like little china tea cups clinking against each other. She smiled to herself at the smell of wet air from the recent rain, breathing in deeply before exhaling.

 As she walked through the streets, some people stared, it wasn’t everyday they’d see such a small girl walking alone in the city. Especially with some of the people living there. Or, maybe it was because of the uncanny look she had.

Clink, clink, clink

Y/N’s skin looked like glass, similar to a porcelain doll. Her eyes had a shiny gleam in them even though it seemed as if they were soulless. Her smile was… Nice. She was smiling as if nothing was wrong in the world! Even though the smile never reached her eyes.

Clink, clink, clink

She had black gloves on that made the handle of her umbrella slightly slippery. The porcelain doll had a long-sleeved, white, ruffle blouse underneath a black suspender jumpsuit. Almost as if Y/N stepped out of a vintage magazine. 

Earlier, she found a small crack in one of her hands and her mask underneath her eye hole. Even though she didn’t need to wear a porcelain mask, she preferred to. Her face was ugly.

Clink, clink, clink

That was the reason why she was out (not to fix her face), the cracks troubled her and kept her awake. So, she went to her personal repairwomen and asked her to fix her. Thankfully, Hela did the job well. Hela ended up fixing her mask and hand pretty well.

She repainted the red lipstick and green-blue eyeshadow. Y/N was thankful because she had noticed earlier that week that her paint was chipping off of her mask.

Clink, clin-

She suddenly stopped in front of a TV storefront, which was weird since most of those weren’t even around, and her slight smile turned into a frown as she watched the news.

Moments ago, police reported the death of the most eccentric and reclusive billionaire, Reginald Hargreeves.

Y/N was Number Eight, The Wisp or The Doll. She preferred her original title over her most recent one. It reminded her that she was no longer fully human and sometimes it was better to bury things deep down.

_____________________________________________________

The mansion was designed in a Gothic style with dark, looming stone walls, high-pitched roofs, and ornate detailing. The tall, narrow windows that give it a somewhat eerie appearance. 

The building is massive, with multiple stories and wings, making it feel more like an academy or institution than a typical family home. Y/N supposed that was why it was called ‘Umbrella Academy’ and not ‘Umbrella Family’.

Y/N’s hands clinked together as she removed the gloves from her hands and opened the front door hesitantly, as if something or someone was going to jump out at her at any second. 

Upon entering, the familiarly large and dramatic foyer, Y/N sighed, nothing had changed throughout the house. The foyer had a sweeping staircase that led to the upper floors. The space was adorned with dark wood paneling, heavy drapes, and antique furnishings.

“Ah, Miss Y/N. I’m glad that you’re doing well.” A familiar voice called out to her. It was a soothing voice, one that calmed almost everyone down. It was nice to hear her fathers ape assistant, Pogo.

Y/N turned and smiled, “Hello, Pogo.” She smiled, her shoes tapped on the ground as she walked up to him, “How are you?”

“I’ve been doing well, thank you Miss Y/N.” Pogo said, “I wasn’t expecting you to come knowing that you were very busy with repairs.”

“The cracks come and go, my family won’t wait for me.” Y/N said.

“As graceful and elegant sounding as ever.” Pogo nodded as the door opened to reveal… Luther.

“Am I… Early?” Luther asked awkwardly, his gaze staying on Y/N for a few more seconds than it did with Pogo.

Y/N’s slight smile became a bit wider, “I suppose you are, Luther.” She said, “How was the moon?”

“It was… The same old moon as always. Sent some stuff to dad, almost ran out of food.” Luther smiled slightly, “I’m gonna go up to dad’s room.”

“Luther,” Y/N said, “Are you doing well?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just that I can see my father's experiments.” Y/N said, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well it’s not gonna change anything.” Luther said, his voice getting defensive.

“I know what that’s like, Luther.” Y/N smiled, tapping her finger on the side of her face, making a clink sound. “It’s good to see you again.” She said as Luther walked up the large wooden staircase.

“... Good to see you too, Y/N.” Luther eventually said.

After a moment of silence, Y/N turned to Pogo, “Pogo, do you know where Mother is?” She asked.

Pogo nodded, “She’s upstairs, looking at the paintings.” He said and Y/N thanked the ape before going into the parlor.

The living areas in the mansion were grand and old-fashioned, with large fireplaces, vintage furniture, and an overall sense of formality. Despite the fanciness, the rooms always felt cold and lacked the warmth of a typical family home.

 Of course, this living area wasn’t much different. Y/N walked upstairs to the main landing before seeing her Mother sitting down, looking at one of the paintings with eeriness.

“Hello, Mother.” Y/N said, walking up to her chair with hesitation. Grace snapped her head to the side to see Y/N and smiled.

“Darling, welcome back home.” Grace said and stood up, hugging Y/N tightly.

“Um, everyone’s going to be downstairs. So, if you’d like to greet everyone when they come in, maybe you’ll…” Y/N’s voice trailed off.

“Of course I’ll meet everyone downstairs. Don’t you worry, darling.” Grace said before sitting back downstairs.

Y/N frowned, her Mother was acting weird, but shrugged it off and went to go back downstairs to the parlor. Maybe she’d see Vanya or Klaus first. 

As she came back down to the parlor, she sighed to herself as she saw the portrait of Five above the fireplace. She pursed her lips as she remembered the boy. It was such a long time ago when she came here…

_____________________________________________________

“Please, we cannot take care of our daughter.” Y/N’s father pleaded to Reginald. The old man pursed his lips.

“I have no need to have another child in this household. I already have the designated children that I need.” Reginald said sternly, “I cannot help you two. You said you wanted a child, there you have it.”

“She’s different.” Y/N’s mother explained, “She has… She does weird things.”

Reginald, although skeptical, asked the desperate woman to continue. The parents both looked at each other before exhaling slowly.

“She controls things. Whenever she plays with her toys, they move on their own. She moves things around the house, we can’t find anything.” Y/N’s mother explained, “We’ve always wanted a child but… Not this one.”

“And it’s been five years. Surely you’ve had enough time to discard the child.” Reginald said. The parents widened their eyes, shocked by the man’s heartlessness.

“We’re not going to kill a child.”

“I did not mean that. I meant that you could put her in every other orphanage and household.” Reginald crossed his arms, “Why mine?”

“You warned us, we ignored you. We thought-”

“Well, you thought wrong.” Reginald frowned, “Now, get off my-”

“Mama…” A small voice whispered. Reginald snapped his head towards the five year old girl tugging on the woman’s red skirt. The five year old girl had a black suitcase with her. “I wanna go home…”

“This is our daughter.” Y/N’s mom pushed the five year old girl from behind her and in front of Reginald.

Reginald pursed her lips, “What can you do?” He asked. Y/N looked at her parents nervously.

The couple nodded with tight smiles before Y/N turned back and dug through her pocket to reveal a pen. She opened her hand and the pen slowly floated up and started spinning. 

Reginald paused before nodding, “Very well.” He said and opened the door behind him. Circe looked at her parents with a confused look.

Y/N’s dad knelt down to the girl’s level, placing his hand on her shoulder. “You’re going to be staying here. It’s a new school, a… Special one for kids like you.” He explained.

Y/N blinked before turning to look at the old man once again, “I don’t wanna go with the scary man.” She whispered.

Y/N’s dad smiled, “You’ll be alright. It’ll be just for a little while.”

Y/N knew it wasn’t going to be for ‘a little while’. She heard their conversation, she wasn’t stupid. The girl knew that they were throwing her away like some doll. 

Something in her gut told her that something was wrong, but brushed the feeling off as she saw the grand foyer of the Umbrella Academy Mansion.

“This is where you will be staying.” Reginald placed his hand on the girl's shoulder and guided her up the steps of the foyer.

She looked up and down the halls as Reginald stared at the girl, observing her expressions. “Down the hall to the far left is Number One, Number Three, and Number Seven’s rooms as well as the bathroom” Reginald pointed down the hallway, “These two rooms next to us are Number 4’s room and Number 2’s room.”

He walked down the hallway and the both of them turned to walk up green stairs. “The two rooms up here are Number Five’s and Number Six’s. Your room will be this empty one.”

“Um, sir, where is everyone?” Y/N asked. Reginald turned to look at the girl.

“They are on a mission, Number Eight.” Reginald said. Y/N frowned at the name.

“My name’s Y/N, not-”

“Think of it as a nickname, everyone is assigned these nicknames and everyone will be called these nicknames unless I say so, Number Eight.” Reginald said, walking down the hall and leaving her alone, “Get used to your new home.”

Y/N sighed and opened her room, it was fairly empty with a single window. A plain bed, a small dresser, floor-length mirror, and desk were all that sat in the room. She frowned and dragged her suitcase in.

Y/N decided that this place needed some decorating and opened her suitcase to reveal a small stuffed bear. She placed it on her bed with a slight smile.

_____________________________________________________

“We have a new member of the Umbrella Academy, Number Eight.” Reginald stepped aside to reveal the girl. She breathed in and out slowly, standing up as tall as she could and raising her head slightly.

She wondered who Number One was. The kids in front of her, probably her age, were in a straight line as Reginald walked beside each of them.

“Number One.”

Blonde, probably the leader.

“Number Two.”

Second tallest, impatient looking.

“Number Three.”

Curly haired, probably the prettiest.

“Number Four.”

Third tallest, looks like he’s antsy to move

“Number Five.”

He has a sort of smug looking smirk, probably arrogant

“Number Six.”

Nervous looking, might be the kindest

“Number Seven.”

Quiet.

Y/N pursed her lips, looking at all of them nervously. “And this is Number Eight children.” Reginald said, standing next to the girl.

“What does she do?” Diego asked. Reginald turned to the girl and Y/N shrugged, she wasn’t sure what she could do exactly.

“Today’s agenda is to test exactly what she can do, Number Two.”

_____________________________________________________

Y/N breathed in and out harshly, “I wanna take a break, I’m tired.” She complained.

“Taking a break won’t be possible out in the field, Number Eight!” Reginald barked, “Now, fight.”

The six children were watching through the glass windows, they were intrigued with the new guest. After losing to Number Three, Number Five, and Number Six, Y/N didn’t seem to have much hope left.

Y/N and Number One looked at each other before Number One charged forward. He swung a mighty fist toward Y/N, aiming to end the fight with one powerful blow. But just as his fist was about to connect, Y/N's eyes flashed with a yellow light.

Number One was suddenly pushed back into one of the glass walls at lightning speed, shattering the glass.

Y/N blinked, her eyes going back to e/c as Number One groaned and got up. There was a moment of silence before Reginald spoke.

“That is quite enough, all of you go back to your rooms.” Reginald said. The children awkwardly shuffled past each other and went upstairs, going to their separate rooms. Y/N breathed in harshly, biting her lip to stop tears as she sat on her bed.

She was so tired, she just wanted to go home to her mom. She missed her dad’s warm hugs, their nice meals, and the rest of her stuffed animals.

She clutched onto the small stuffed animal she had brought with her and hugged it tightly, burying her head into her arms. Y/N heard a strange sound, looking up to see Number Five.

She wiped her sudden tears and sat her back against the wall. “What do you want?” She asked, her voice shaking violently.

“How’d you do that?” The boy asked. Y/N buried her head back into her stuffed animal. The boy sighed and sat down next to her on her bed.

“I’m not supposed to talk about it.” Y/N said, her voice muffled.

"Well, maybe you could talk about it with me.” The boy said. Y/N lifted her head to get a good look at him and slightly smiled.

“My mama tells me it’s not good to use it.” She said, her voice so quiet it was almost a whisper.

“So you can control people?” The boy asked. Y/N shook her head.

“I can control objects... Not people…” Y/N dug into her pocket to reveal the pen from earlier and spun it around with a slight smile. “This and…” She raised her stuffed animal and brought it back down with her hand. The boy smiled slightly as Y/N leaned forward to get a good look of his face. She looked at him before stating, “You have dimples.”

T he boy looked at her with a weird look. “Yeah, so?”

“I think it’s funny.” She said as the boy frowned. “So, if everyone here has a cool power, what can you do?” She asked.

“ Okay, I’ll show you. But only if you’ll help me with something after.” The boy said. Y/N nodded and Number Five held out his hand, she hesitantly took it as the air around them whooshed and she was suddenly in the parlor.

“Woah! Teleportation’s your power?!” Y/N exclaimed, smiling as if it was the coolest thing ever. The boy wasn’t used to someone being so excited about… Him before.

“No, it’s spatial jumping. It’s the ability to instantly move from one location to another without physically occupying the space between.” The boy said.

“Oh! I… Guess that makes sense?” Y/N frowned. The boy snickered before holding her hand and jumping to his room.

“This is my room.” Five smiled, sitting down on his desk chair. Y/N looked around, sitting on his bed.

“ So, what’s the deal with spatial jumping? Like, the whole thing.” Y/N asked. Number Five thought about it before speaking.

“Spatial is the transfer of matter or energy from one point to another without traversing the physical space between them…” Number Five rambled before turning red, “Sorry, I don’t mean to ramble.”

“Why’d you stop? I wanna know more.” Y/N smiled. Number Five brightened up as he sat down next to the girl, continuing to talk about the scientific theories around it such as quantum tunneling, quantum teleportation, and wormholes.

_____________________________________________________

She missed him. It was hard for her to admit it but she did miss him. Y/N let out a small breath before turning to see her mother was sitting down and looking deeply at the fireplace.

Y/N shrugged off the weirdness of her mother before the wooden door of the mansion opened to reveal… Vanya.

Vanya looked around to see Y/N and smiled nervously, “Hey, Y/N.” Vanya smiled. Y/N walked over with a wave.

“Vanya, it’s nice to see you again.” Y/N said with a genuine smile, not the polite one she gave to Luther or the default one she had masked on her face, but a genuine smile.

Vanya looked hesitant, she wasn’t sure of how her sister would react to her. She thought she’d be angry, or sad. But she felt a bit relieved as she hugged her sister tightly.

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Post-Surgery Day 35 (but three days late)

cw: surgery, bodies, medical

- Good news! The wound separation in my nipple has healed closed and scarred up, and all the scabs are gone. I'm so, so frickin' happy and glad I kept my anxiety in check over it. There were so many times I wanted to pull the scab away and see the damage, or send a billion questions to the surgeon. But I trusted what the nurse told me to do, and it's fine.

- I've been a biiiit naughty with the reaching and the stretching and I've got a bit of a ache in my ribs, like, just beneath the incision? I think it's muscular in that I've obviously been hunched over and fairly stationary while I heal. I figure I'll be getting some physio and exercises after my appointment in a week. The incisions are fine and neat AF, I can't remember whether I mentioned that the part under my arms is already so faint? I thought I'd need to get some tattoos to camouflage it but I don't think I will.

- Still chonk. Sigh.

- I am exhausted after my first week (and a half) back at work. I've been relatively good and not lifting stuff too heavy, or reaching too high. My colleagues have been awesome, and I mean awesome. I've received so many hugs and big smiles; they genuinely missed me, which... I'm actually shocked? I didn't realise how much healing I still have to do in terms of self worth. The damage done by a handful of people a year or so ago has clearly impacted quite deep. But, anyways, people keep coming up to me to tell me their kid is trans or non-binary or gay, or they know someone who is, or their kid's partner is... They are so excited about it.

- I have had one encounter with someone I think has terfy leanings. It was an assessor from a training body we use for our trainee teachers. She kept using my deadname, even though her institution has been updated. Now, I need these teachers to pass so I bit my lip. My headteacher, however, a big Welsh dude, informed her that if she couldn't address his teachers with respect she could leave the premises. I was... shocked. So was she. I was named appropriately for the rest of the day, and when I thanked him later he just said that some people have no class, and ambled off to herd some kids. 🤣

- My driving license came through! That's the second government body that has acknowledged my new name and gender. My bank is sorted too. I'm going to sort out the mortgage (second bank, land registry), the vehicles (car and bike) and my passport. The passport I am worried about because I've reached that they can be picky about the GIC. We'll see.

- I am delivering a conference for the first time tomorrow as myself and I'm actually a little bit nervous? I don't think anything of talking to rooms full of 100s, usually. I'm an expert in my field and that's why I'm there. But. As me now? The person I've had to keep protected and quiet for years? Scary.

- Six more days until my final appointment with my surgeon. I hope I get good grades in healing so I can go back to the gym. :3

[waterfire1848]

Hello! Not sure if you're still doing AU 5 headchanon asks but...

Au, on the day of Zuko's agni kai, rushes to his defense before Ozai's hand touches his skin burning herself instead. But this is Azula, somehow she manages to trick everyone in the room by saying, "She, as the second born daughter, gladly takes the punishment for the first born son in order to protect his honor" or some nonsense like that appealing to all the old misogynistic geezers and gets away with it. (Ozai can't exactly challenge both his children to an agni kai on the same day. And Azula is already burned)

Meanwhile, Zuko is confused and thinks this is all some sort of sick joke orchestrated by Azula, and Ozai now knows he doesn't have complete control over his daughter. Fast forward a bit, Azula gets her signature blue flames, and Ozai starts to feel threatened about his position. He killed his father for the throne, so what's stopping her? She had already acted against him once before. So he pulls out this idea that her blue flames are a sign that she isnt well and therefore must be sent away in order to be cared for.

Where you ask? The institute where they send all the unmanageable young ladies of the firenation *looks at the asylum in the comics*

I'm not sure if i want Mai and Ty Lee to be sent in alongside her, with their parents wanting to cut off ties with their daughters who befriended the princess who caught the fire lords ire. Or if they are outside the institute but working on a way to bust Azula out.

Either way, this is my crack au idea i randomly thought up at 3am in the morning. There are no end-game ships, everyone is brotp. Thank you for listening to me ramble.

Hello, anon!! I am! (Just FWI - My inbox is turned off for the time being so I can answer some questions but it will be turned back on very soon!)

Azula does care about Zuko. She really does. Okay, maybe they don't have the best relationship in the world, but he's still her brother and Azula doesn't want Zuko to get burned and banished. (It also has nothing to do with the fact that she's terrified to be alone with Ozai. Not at all). When she sees Ozai on the stage with Zuko and sees Zuko refuse to fight, she knows this isn't going to end well and she can't stand to see him get burned. Azula runs from her uncle and Zhao and onto the stage. When she pushes Zuko, she's burned on the side of her face (not in the same was Zuko was through. This burn mostly affects her ear, hair and the side of her face just barely missing her eye). (Zuko: AZULA! Azula: AHHH!! Zuko: Azula, hang on. The physician is coming. It'll be okay. Azula: I...I can...I... Zuko: Azula! Azula! Ozai: Get away from her Prince Zuko! Zuko: NO! Stay away from her! Ozai: *Turns to the audience* When the Princess wakes up we will find out what possessed her to interrupt a sacred fight!). Azula is taken away to the healer, leaving her brother, father and uncle utterly confused.

Azula wakes up a few weeks later and is immediately confronted by Ozai. He rants that she was an idiot for going on the stage and that he was going to make her crown princess once Zuko was gone. All Azula says is that she is the second born daughter and was happy to take Zuko's place in the Agni Kai to protect his honor. Ozai is angry at her but there's nothing much he can do since Azula did nothing wrong. He doesn't want to banish his prodigy and he can't fight Zuko anymore, so he's kind of at a loss of what to do. The matter is settled a while later and Zuko confronts Azula about why she did it. (Azula: No thank you for saving you. Zuko: I didn't need you help. Azula: Yeah. You looked like you were doing great up there. Face it, Zuzu. You needed my help. Zuko: No. I didn't! Azula: Yes, you did! I saved you! Why are you yelling at me!? Zuko: Because you didn't do it for me! You did it for you! You just wanted to show everyone what a great bender you are! Azula: I saved you! Zuko: You just wanted to show off! I'm glad you got burned! Maybe now everyone will see that the great prodigy isn't indestructible!)

Azula and Zuko's relationship starts to get worse and worse as time goes on. Zuko thinks that Azula did what she did for her own glory and because she couldn't stand not having the spotlight on her while Azula is angry that Zuko isn't thankful that she saved him. Years pass and the family continues to be cold to one another. Finally, at fourteen, Azula creates blue fire for the first time. While she is beyond excited, Ozai is anything but. He killed his own father for the crown and he knows that Azula jumped in front of his fire for her brother. So what if Zuko wants him dead? Would Azula help? What if Azula wanted him dead? There's no guarantee she would win but she certainly would put up a fight. Ozai continues to grow more and more uneasy (especially when Azula starts to learn lightning bending) until he finds a solution: a decently close institution for misbehaving daughters. The institution promises to turn all misbehaving daughters into good members of society or keep them there until they learn to be quiet. Azula is sent there only four months after turning 14 year old. (She pretends not to notice Zuko pack her mochi in her suitcase).

The institution is awful. They treat Azula like trash and like she’s not even a human being. For the first month she’s not allowed any outside contact, not allowed to bend and forced to attend classes where, if she does something wrong, she’s put in a straightjacket in her room. Mai, Ty Lee and Zuko are the first ones to visit her the second they’re allowed to and Azula does not look good. Her hair is dying, her skin is pale, she’s in pain from the straitjacket and she’s a lot thinner than she was before. (Ty Lee: Zula! Staff: Back away from the patient. Mai: Patient? Staff: All our patients are classified as such because there is something wrong with them and we are helping them to become better. Princess Azula has been doing much better this last week. She went four days without needing to be placed in solitary or getting the dragon’s poison. Ty Lee: Dragon’s poison? Azula: It’s a drug they give you. Takes away your bending. Ty Lee: You took away her bending?! Staff: Only for a short time. It’s a necessary part of the process. Zuko:….Azula, when was the last time you ate? Azula: *Shrugs* Staff: She’s joking. She at lunch today. A nice meal of fish and rice. Zuko: Zula? Azula: Yeah. Yeah. I ate lunch.). When they leave, Mai, Ty Lee and Zuko know that they have to get her out of there. The girls confront Zuko about him wanting to get involved, saying he’s never shown much care towards Azula before. (Zuko: She doesn’t deserve that. I might be mad but she’s still my little sister and she doesn’t deserve to waste away here.)

The plan is a simple one: bust Azula out and go on the run. Well, maybe on the run is a stretch. The plan is to get Azula somewhere far away where Ozai can’t find them while trying to reason with him to let Azula leave the institution. Once they come to an agreement, everyone goes home. The break out itself is not terribly difficult. Zuko gets a one on one meeting with Azula, which he ordered since he’s the crown prince, and told Azula they were getting her out. (Azula: Why? You hate me. Remember? I stole your moment. Zuko:… Azula: Don’t pity me, Zuzu. I’m doing fine. Zuko: You’re not fine! If you stay here too long you…you need to come home. Azula: Home to a brother that hates me and a father that sent me here to die? No, thanks. I'll remain here. Zuko: I...Azula, please. I don't want you to die here. We can talk more when you're free from this place. Azula: Will you apologize? Zuko: What? Azula: Will you apologize? I got burned helping you! Zuko: Azula- Father threw me in here because I helped you! Zuko: Azula. And you don't even care! Zuko: I DO CARE! Staff: What's going on in there!?). Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee return that night and, working with some staff that Zuko paid off, get Azula out of the institution. They then flee to the Fire Nation countryside and Zuko sends a messenger hawk to Ozai. Time passes, but eventually the four learn that Ozai has no intention of allowing Azula back and has even made orders to some of the generals that Zuko is now a traitor. Terrified to return to their families, the four kids run off to the Earth Kingdom.

[whatiswhump]

Christmas 1957, Alfred Finch

A continuation of this series

Hi I’m back :) and this one’s LONG and I’m proud of it. Yay happy holidays

***

“Merry Christmas, Alfie,”

His head had just been shaved again, lice were making their way through the wards. It made his cheeks look so hollow despite the paper crown that had been clumsily placed on his head by a nurse.

Words didn’t come right away to Fie so he nodded back to Sean. He was aware today though, Sean could tell.

Turkey and mashed potatoes were unceremoniously still strewn across his tin tray. So much for a holiday meal. Sean wished he would eat it though.

“Th- that’s why I’m wearing this?” A wry smile snuck in as Fie nodded to his flimsy holiday accessory.

Sean felt an instant warmth that made his heart swell and he laughed a bit too loudly, “Yes it's what they call it holiday cheer, although I think Eddie took the square of chocolate you got with it.”

The wry twist of Fie’s mouth remained a bit longer signifying what would be a strong response these days.

Sean had read the charts this morning, Harris’s crony, Capshaw, hadn’t given up on the hydrotherapy yet. He had been scheduled in for it nearly every day this week.

He was surprised Fie was okay enough to even be in the cafeteria considering his typical response to the treatment.

“Hey how about you eat a few more bites of the Christmas feast for me, eh?”

Fie’s eyes trailed down at the sloppily served bits of meat in tepid gravy and potato. But despite his hesitation, he didn’t disobey, he lifted his fork and got to work. It twisted something in Sean to see how easily he followed requests... when everyone else in the institution ignored this and acted like he was feral, immediately going for force before bothering to request.

“Also Sophie says hello by the way,”

His patient paused mid attempt to skewer some meat with a confused expression.

“My wife, I think I’ve mentioned her, she and I got married a few months ago, yeah?” That had been during the no contact stage.

This did seem to jog his memory, he nodded but still seemed surprised. Sean spoke about him outside of work?

As if he read his mind, Sean continued, “Yeah, I tell her about you, especially your paintings. She’s an art history professor you know… Anyway, she asked me to wish you a merry Christmas.”

Alfie paused completely, clearly half here-half somewhere else, lost in thought, “...What year is it?”

“It’s 1957 'bout to be 1958, buddy.” Sean didn’t like thinking what that entailed for his friend, nearly four years in here now. Where had the time gone?

He was four years older than Delano now.

“Merry Christmas, Alfred.” 

Both young men jumped slightly at the arrival of Dr. Harris, how long had he been close by?

Alfie just stared back at him frozen, some of that old fear was returning as well.

Harris smiled, “I am glad the nurses are spreading some cheer,” and gestured to Alfie’s ridiculous hat, “And I am glad to hear that you’ve been trying harder to tolerate the hydrotherapy Alfred. That is brave of you as we all know how much it has frightened you in the past.”

Fie looked down at his plate ashamed. He remembered that. Over and over. A room full of people- him bare and being forced into water by so many hands. Harris watching…

“Dr. Harris, I hope that you’ve had a pleasant holiday?” Sean politely responded after a few beats of silence and an awkward cough.

“Thank you, Sean, yes. In fact I will be off soon, the wife and children are expecting me for Christmas dinner. Just like to stop in today every year. The holiday can set many of our patients off, I like to be assured that everything is under control.”

Sean agreed with that, many patients preemptively were given extra sedation today. It made him a bit sad but then he remembered the alternative- them suffering unnecessarily- missing family, memories, some even waiting for a visit from Santa Claus that would never come… It was cruel to them. Such a happy happy day turned cruel.

Dr. Harris gave Sean what was probably meant to be a polite smile, “Sean, would you give Alfie and I a minute? I’ll call you back over if you’re needed.”

An alarm bell went off in his head but he could only say, “Sure, Doctor,” And then glance to Alfie, who was still looking at his plate and walk to the perimeter of the room to join a few of the other orderlies.

“Alfred, please be polite and put your fork down and look at me.”

Fie dropped his fork almost robotically and wrapped his hand in the other in his lap.

“What else did I ask?”

He dragged his eyes up to the doctor standing up above him. He was wearing a red and green tie.

“You have children?” It came out before he even realized it, surprising both of them.

Harris smiled in amusement, “Yes, I generally keep my personal life separate, part of the profession I am afraid. Two boys and a girl. The eldest is sixteen.”

Harris could see the cogs turning in his patient’s head, new information about a man he knew surprisingly nothing about. He prided himself in being strictly a doctor to his patients, nothing else, no extraneous details. It was all about the patients after all.

He loved how painfully clear some of Alfie’s thoughts could be. And this was such a nice little Christmas gift dropped into his lap, especially since his initial plan was just to discuss water therapy again.

“I can tell you are surprised, what are you thinking about right now?”

“And stop picking at your hands.” He added with a touch of sterness.

Alfie’s worrying hands stilled instantly. His eyes looked bigger when they clumsily shaved his head like this. It was a shame they didn’t do a better job, he could have been a handsome young man. Even still.

“It’s just that you’re always here- I didn’t think- I didn’t know-” That he had children of his own? That he was someone's father…

It was natural that Alfred would see him as a father figure, it happened with a lot of patients, it was difficult to avoid. 

“I know you see me as a father, Alfred. I’ve helped you and taken care of you, it’s natural.”

Then Fie looked surprised again.

“This is why you still need so much more therapy, you’re a clever boy but you’re not making the most simple connections related to your psyche.”

Fie wilted a bit and after a brief moment nodded back to Harris. Sean had told him to agree when he could, he said it would help.

“Now Dr. Capshaw will restart hydrotherapy again today- only one day off. If you cooperate in our next session when I return tomorrow maybe we can consider reducing those sessions.”

Alfie looked back to him and nodded in understanding. He really would like that. He was getting better at hydrotherapy but afterwards he still cried every time. And really anything to see less of Capshaw.

“That’s a good boy. Now behave the rest of today, the nurses have enough to deal with, and you don't want to be sedated- or worse get a lump of coal, on Christmas do you?” He said with a smile and bent over and ruffled his hat partially crumpling it where it sat on his head.

“Merry Christmas Alfred, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Harris beamed in his good cheer and turned on his heels to leave the hospital for what Alfie imagined was a roasted goose with all of the trimmings and three smiling children. 

Maybe he was a good father? Maybe he played catch in the backyard and read stories alloud by the fire?

A shiver went through him as he was lost in this thought, only to jump again when he felt a hand on his back.

“Just me, bud,” Sean’s voice rumbled kindly.

Alfie deflated a little in his seat, “He said I have to have treatment today.”

Sean’s eyebrows were creased as he came into his vision, rounding the table, “On Christmas? What do they say? No rest for the wicked?”

“Is that me or them that's the Wicked?” Alfie replied dryly but lacking the smirk a joke would require.

Sean elected to ignore the dour comment and move forward, “I was watching you though, you did a good job, I saw you nodding- agreeing- just like we talked about. I know it isn’t easy.”

“You said that before- at one point… I used to fight it?”

It was Sean’s turn to smirk, “Like a tomcat, a force of nature,” He replied with a tone of distinctive pride, “You really stuck it to them.”

“Sometimes I feel like I still want to…”

Sean paused, sensing the dangerous territory, “Fie, listen, that’s not a bad thing but-”

“But then they’d erase me again… I know. So I won’t.”

He sighed, “It’s just not fair, Fie. You should be able to fight and I should help you-”

“But it isn’t fair no matter what and if you’re gone...”

Fie was frankly amazingly lucid today. It was reminding Sean of how painful it could be when he was.... as opposed to the other special kind of torture of when he was out of it- this way he was aware of the injustice, the cruelty.

“You’re right,” Sean breathed out, feeling decidedly un-cheery.

As if reading his mind in turn Alfie responded with a wry smile that didn’t match his eyes, “Merry Christmas to us then.”

Sean then smiled bigger than he should have, ���I do have one thing that might tip the balances of today…”

Alfie actually looked mildly curious.

“If you’ll do me the honor of escorting me back to your quarters, there may or may not be a surprise waiting there…”

Fie tried to suppress a small smile and nodded. He almost got up but then looked apprehensively at his tray, reflexively ready to be told to eat more.

“Clean plate club as far as I’m concerned.” Sean shooed him up gently with a smile. 

Fie wobbled a bit and wasn’t fast by any stretch of the imagination but when they made it back to his cell Sean gestured inside like a prize show girl.

Fie raised his eyebrows when with a cursory look nothing was visible. 

“You think I’d let the nurses take it home for themselves? Look a little closer-”

Alfie stepped inside as he had hundreds of times before. The only thing in the white cell was an iron bed with white sheets and a gray scratchy wool blanket. 

He looked back at Sean, now really confused.

“Check the sheets” Sean smiled.

So Alfie did, tucked right within was a small bundle…

Alfie immediately sat on his bed with the green wrapped bundle on his lap and then just stopped, staring at it.

“You can open it anytime,” Sean reminded him in a teasing voice.

Fie looked up at him, almost surprised again that he was there, already so distracted by this new object.

But he nodded minutely and looked back down to the parcel.

It was wrapped with a thin red and white twine bow that he gingerly pulled loose. Before it fell away he rubbed it with his fingers, savoring the touch.

Gingerly, so gingerly he began on the paper. There was no tape so at his little tug it easily came away. First visible was a card.

“Merry Christmas! From the Cyril’s” read in cheery red script around a green snow covered tree with little yellow lights dotting it. Fie’s finger brushed slowly over the pressed inks. After a long moment, he opened up the card and something fluttered out.

Sean jumped over to retrieve it and embarrassedly spluttered as he handed it back, “Sophie wanted to give you a card but each one has our snapshot in it for family and friends out of town- it’s corny, i know...” his cheeks were red.

Fie just silently took the thick glossy cutout back and stared at it. It was Sean, that he recognized, but bizarrely out of uniform, in a knit button-up leisure shirt. And a woman beaming at the camera in his arms below him. She was so happy- beaming wasn’t enough of a word to describe it. Her hair was done stylishly in medium curls that swept off her face and her dress, even in the black and white, was obviously colorful and jubilant.

They were beautiful.

He looked at the writing in the card, “Dear Alfred, Merry Christmas from us. Good tidings and continued wishes for your improving health. With cheers and fond wishes, Soph and Sean.”

The script was decidedly ugly which unexpectedly made Fie laugh, scrawled with sharp points and careless dots and crossed t’s, somehow even that was amusing and warm.

“Oh her writing? I know!! Apparently the nuns used to use a ruler on her hands in grade school for it- she thinks she’s talented for it!” Sean laughed warmly.

Fie closed the card and smiled at Sean, “Thank you, Sean.” He couldn’t believe they would give him this, it was almost too kind.

“Well thats just the card! Look at the rest!” Sean replied giddily.

And sure enough, to his surprise, (as he had forgotten about the lumpiness of the parcel) there was more. First was a little pie, the size of a hand and absolutely delicious looking, then… a tiny notebook, again no larger than a hand with a little pencil fit into the spine. 

Fie picked up the notebook, dumbfounded. Green leather bound with tissue thin pages turned over and over in his hands.

“Mostly for drawing…. If you ever felt like it when i can’t take you to the art room but also I don’t know...” Sean rubbed the back of his neck, “For remembering things you don’t wanna forget- important things-”

Fie shifted the contents of his lap beside him to jump up and hug Sean but clumsily more fell into him than anything.

“Thank you-” He mumbled into the warm winter uniform sweater, “Thank you.”

Sean held him securely, “Merry Christmas bud, you probably deserve a helluva lot more than this.”

---

@cursedscribbles @voidwhump @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @aliceinwhumperland @whump-it @professional-idiocy @ziptiewhump @angrystudentgoopfire @jaxonjekkels @clubbem @simplygrimly @whole-and-apart-and-between @bumpthumpwhump @rosesareviolentlyread @whumpasaurus101 @hurting-fictional-people @burtlederp @thelittlegirlwithcurlyhair @crystalquartzwhump @rotfern @sentientpileofmoss

[alatabouleau]

Musings on celibacy

So.... I've been thinking a lot lately, after coming back from the Roman-Catholic pilgrim trip in France I go to every year, about rooms for queer people in churches, as I often do.

And why I, a bisexual probably-woman who never had a romantic relationship and doesn't plan to have one soon, feels so much more at ease over there than in my original congregation.

And it's simply because I feel a lot less pressure about that fact in Roman-Catholic circles than in New-Apostolic ones, even though these two churches have very similar opinions on my "life choices".

Because as much as I'm hating on obligatory celibacy for clergy (That should simply not be the only way to enter priesthood, how will families ever be heard with their needs if decisions are made by a bunch of dudes who never had any familial responsibilities?), there is one thing I really like about it: It presents an actual and respected alternative to the married life. And that is something I really miss in the ""Protestant"" world.

How often do I have to hear in my circles something like "Oh, when are you going to stand at the altar??? :D :D" and me internally going "Well Janet, I would first need a partner for that and even if I had them, there would be about a 50-80% chance that we would not even be allowed to stand at said altar because we happen to have the same set of genitals. 😃"

And of course, in the Roman-Catholic world, I would be even less allowed to do that (If you can maximize "not-allowing") and yet, I experience a lot less pestering with that question from my Roman-Catholic friends. Because they see me participating in prayer with the priests, monks, nuns and sacred virgins (that's basically a nun who doesn't live in a coven but works for congregations instead, don't ask me why the call them that), they see me having theological discussions with them and for some, it makes sense that because of this, I am not in a romantic relationship. Maybe never will be. Maybe "am not called to marriage."

Of course, some simply leave me alone because I am not in their denomination, therefore work on different rules. And some may just be relieved that they have not to deal with a sapphic couple in their direct contact.

But it is just so relaxing to find other people, even older than you, who do not live a "romantic" life. Whose closest persons are also "just" friends. And who are happy when in my church, I was always told that this is impossible. Meeting persons who are even respected for that.

Am I neglecting the very sex-negative aspects of Catholic belief that led to this institution? Oh by G*d, no. Some of my very real sexual intrusive thoughts come directly from that environment.

But when I think about the big entourage of queer nuns, monks and priests, who could escape the burden of a heteronormative life through celibacy, I find myself the tiniest bit glad that it exists.

Even though there are of course aro-/ace people who experience discrimmination in the Roman-catholic world because not everyone feels drawn to become ordained. And even then, they still have to hide what makes them different and this hurts my heart. This is not how you help Christians to "Let their light shine"

In the end, I would just wish for us to find an actual and respected alternative to the married life in our modern world. To let people live the life they chose for themselves. To see friendship as just as valid and crucial as romantic relationships.

That's all.

Any thoughts?

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Corrupted Snippet: TMA x Malevolent crossover

Tim opened a book he shouldn't have, and now has the last remaining god in the universe stuck in his head.

In the process of dealing with that, he was marked by the Desolation - a Fear entity, based on rage.

He's turned - reluctantly - to the Magnus Institute for help.

There is a lot going on here.

Tim feels out of his league.

Maybe he is.

But he's unnervingly certain that he could still burn it all down...

(As always, snippet is unedited, tenses are screwy, etc. Still fun!)

-------------

Bouchard is waiting for them. How about that.

The old woman looks disappointed. 

“Thank you, Gertrude,” says Elias. “Tim, if you please - right this…” He stops.

Stares.

“Interesting,” he murmurs.

“Are you sure you want to handle this?” says the murderous old bat.

“Yes, it’ll be fine. He’s not a danger,” says Bouchard.

He’s lying. You are.

Tim is not in a position to respond to that, but he wants to. With something. Probably sarcastic.

Except… Bouchard’s look.

“Jon,” says Bouchard, suddenly. “I will need to see you after this meeting. All right? Clear your schedule. It’s going to be a bit of a thing.”

Jon looks absolutely spooked. “Sure, of course, Elias. Right.”

“You’re not being fired,” says Bouchard, almost gently.

Lara “Gertrude” Croft looks highly suspicious.

“Right,” says Jon, glancing back and forth.

Then he flees.

Aww, Tim thinks. “That guy needs a movie night,” he says out loud.

Gertrude blinks at him.

“You know. With friends? A bit of beer, or something? Snacks? Everybody cozy in socks? Bras off?”

She stares harder.

“Right. Maybe you need one, too,” says Tim.

Bouchard clears his throat. “Shall we?”

“Sure.” Tim gives her his brightest smile.

She does not respond.

Well, now she’s a challenge.

Tim, warns Yellow, who could mean anything.

Bouchard waits, holding open his door.

Tim walks in.

Bouchard’s look has not changed. Thoughtful. Penetrative. He gestures to the seat across from the desk, and sits behind it, fingers steepled.

“You really make a guy sweat with a look like that,” says Tim.

“I’m glad to hear it,” says Bouchard like that wasn’t creepy. “And please - do call me Elias.”

“Sure,” says Tim.

“So you’ve had an adventure of some kind since I last saw you,” Elias says.

“Yeah. That old bat out there tried to kill me for no damn reason.”

She was rather aggressive, says Yellow.

Elias grants Yellow a little nod - not quite a bow, but a distinctly respectful movement.

Tim can feel immediately that it worked - that Yellow liked it, responds to it, maybe is weak to it.

Manipulation. It was manipulation.

Tim frowns a little.

“I must apologize for her, not that I have any control over her, really,” says Elias Bouchard. “The fact is that when it’s time to stop her, I’m going to have to kill her - but she makes a marvelous distraction in the meantime, doesn’t she?”

Tim gawks.

Yes… I see your point. And of course, she’s done so since before you claimed this body, am I right?

Tim gawks more, this time at himself. Or the one in his head, anyway.

Elias does that little bow again. “I see you don’t miss much.”

No.

“I am mindful of it.”

I’d guess… in the neighborhood of two centuries?

“Very good! Yes. I’m surprised one such as yourself would be aware of such mortal lifetimes.”

More manipulation. Because Yellow responds like a cat petted along its spine, arching its arse in the air.

I’ve had to pay attention to such things. Human bodies are… regrettably fragile.

Tim frowns this time, feeling the anger rising, trying to push it down. “Hey, old guys. I’m still here, you know,” he says, and can’t help himself, because "so young" feels like it must be branded on his forehead right now, guaranteeing he’s ignored. 

“Yes, and that is a perfect segue,” says Elias, smooth as fucking butter. “I don’t know what happened yesterday. I know Gertrude came back with her memory altered; I know whatever you got involved with raised a sort of… fog through which I could not see.”

Tim stares. “You were watching?”

“I watch everything I can, Mister Stoker,” says Elias, as though this is perfectly normal. “That is how I serve my patron. But I could not see what happened.”

Tim doesn’t care to tell him. Elias just rubs him wrong.

Chaos. That’s what happened.

“Fair enough. Unfortunately, there is one thing I do see: Mister Stoker… you have been marked.”

I had a feeling you could see that, says Yellow.

Tim feels… bad?

He hunches a little. It’s not a familiar feeling, this. He's not even sure "bad" is the right word.

“This does place me in an awkward position,” says Elias. “You have, in a manner of speaking, been claimed by a patron other than mine, and they tend to be… possessive.”

Yet you have not thrown us out, says Yellow warmly (because the manipulation seems to have worked), and Tim frowns just a pinch harder.

“Naturally. I’ve never seen anything like this - which means, I fear, that you are practically catnip for me.”

And the two old assholes laugh, and Tim has almost had enough.

(But should he have had enough?)

(Wouldn’t he be more patient with this nonsense, normally?)

“Right,” he says. “So. What do we do? Because Yellow here thinks we should hide, and I know fucking well that won’t work.”

“I have to agree with you, Mister Stoker.”

Tim rolls his eyes. “We’re all on first-name basis here, I guess. Tim.”

Elias does a little gracious nod - but it is not the same one he gave Yellow.

Tim knows the difference.

He’s angry.

“Fascinating,” Elias whispers, then - Tim can tell - focuses on Yellow again. “Will you forgive some prying? What is your actual name?”

“You don’t have to tell him,” says Tim.

I know. I’m weighing whether his aid is worth whatever price he extracts.

“I assure you, whatever ‘price I extract’ is going to be observation-based. That is, after all, what I’m all about.”

Weird.

Very weird.

Because Tim thinks Elias just lied.

There’s no reason for it. He can’t see any difference in face or body language.

But he’s sure Elias lied.

The anger bubbles, slowly simmering.

And Yellow… doesn’t seem to see it. I’ve had… various names.

Elias is looking so damned intense. “I would love to know. It might even help me refine my current thought on how to give you some… support.”

“I don’t know that we should trust you,” says Tim.

And is ignored.

Are they trying to make him mad?

Maybe they are. Maybe it’s test, two assholes playing a game, to see how he handles his weird, growing rage.

Tim licks his lips and barely keeps the lid on.

I see no reason to hold this back, Yellow decides.

“Yellow,” warns Tim.

I have been called Hastur. I have been called… the King in Yellow.

So that’s where the name came from! “Ah-ha!” says Tim.

Elias’ eyes light up like he just won the lottery. “Phenomenal,” he whispers. “Lord of Carcosa. Regaled in a gown of yellow, twice as tall as any man! Majestic, he glides over the ground to take his throne in lost Carcosa, for he is the king that was and shall be!”

Tim actually rolls his eyes. “Really? Fucking really?”

But that is not Hastur - Yellow’s - reaction. Yes.

“Well… I am, I will not lie, deeply honored,” Elias lies, and does a proper bow.

“You can’t be buying this,” Tim snaps.

Tim.

“No! He’s lying! Don’t you see that he is?”

What I see, Tim, is that he’s playing the game, as am I - and which you will have to learn if we are going to survive.

Oh, and now Yellow’s reprimanding him?

The metaphorical lid is beginning to bounce on the pot of Tim’s anger, clanging, jarring out of place with rising rage.

And Elias sees.

Tim knows that he sees.

Elias is enjoying this.

Rein it in, Tim tells himself, because this isn’t like him, this isn’t usual, he’s a patient man, he’s dealt with shit like this from shitty managers all in the past, this isn’t new, this… he doesn’t have to… he…

“Your self-control is extraordinary,” says Elias, softly. “I’m very impressed, Tim. And I appreciate it. I don’t particularly want to be burned - so I thank you.”

And that time, he wasn’t lying.

He did that on purpose, Tim thinks, struggling, because Tim was an idiot and revealed he could tell when Elias lied, and that smooth son of a bitch has already adjusted tactics.

Tim.

“What?” Tim snaps between clenched teeth.

Please.

Well, fuck, what was Tim supposed to do with that?

They’re both waiting to see what he does with that.

If I give in now, Tim thinks to himself, as clearly as he can, I’m destroying me, for no fucking reason, because Yellow won’t trust me anymore, and Elias won’t help. So come on, you. Pull it together.

He breathes slowly. Deeply.

Shuddering.

“You are remarkable,” says Elias. “I wouldn’t have guessed - forgive me.”

He is, says Yellow, as though he somehow fomented this himself.

“I think I hate you both right now?” says Tim.

“Fair,” says Elias. “And I apologize for putting you in the position we have - quite unintentionally, I assure you. I had not intended to make you feel in any particularly unpleasant way.”

Again - he’s telling the truth now.

Elias, Tim realizes, is a fucking dangerous piece of work.

“Okay,” says Tim.

You have an idea? says Yellow.

“I do. This is, of course, based on research and memories from those in my line going back some thousands of years. If I understand correctly, your current vulnerability is largely based on… well. Your host’s mortality.”

That isn’t… fully accurate.

“As opposed, let’s say, to possessing a body closer to what you had before?”

There are no bodies here closer to what I had before.

“What if one could be created? How would that affect your situation?”

Tim has no idea. “What, give him his own body? Separate us?”

There’s a long silence.

“So…” Tim prompts.

I need to… consider this. You say it as if there were a possibility of such a thing.

Elias’ eyes lid. It’s like he knows he’s hooked a fish, and can take his time reeling it in. “Well. You no doubt feel the… stored power of this place. That is because we collect artefacts. This particular hobby is not a new one. I may - theoretically - know of some deific flesh, carefully preserved in crystal. And I may - theoretically - know someone who could potentially use it to craft you a new body.”

“Why would you go to all that trouble?” says Tim.

“Because it will be an amazing thing to watch, and as things currently stand, you won’t live long enough to… ah. I apologize.”

“Scratch your itch?” says Tim, dry. “Get you the fuck off?”

“Something like that,” says Elias, who isn’t so easy to ruffle.

I need to think about this.

“Of course you do. Might I suggest you stay here until you do, though? No obligation, no payment - well, beyond watching you, which I will be doing anyway, no matter where you are.”

“Creepy,” intones Tim.

Elias shrugs like a prince.

Tim wants to hit him.

Keep it down, he tells himself. You’re not the rage. You not the… whatever the fucking wrath monster god thing. You.

And what would we benefit from it?

“Protection,” says Elias. “We are not, of course, impervious to invasion, but we are far safer than a hotel, or an apartment, or, gods forbid, the street.”

We aren’t alone, are we? says Yellow suddenly, and Tim can feel the fear lift its head, feel it spike right through all the smugness and preening and ego.

“No,” says Elias, almost gently. “Three agents I can see followed you here - two of the Corruption, who would devour you with mold, worms, maggots, disease; and one of the Desolation, who… well, to be frank, I don’t know what she’d do, given that you, Tim, are marked - but I assure you, she is not here on a mission of mercy.”

“You didn’t notice? I didn’t,” says Tim, softly.

I didn’t. Fuck.

“The offer remains.” Elias looks back and forth between Tim’s eyes.

He’s looking at them both. That’s what he’s doing. He even knows which fucking eye Yellow’s claimed.

We shall stay, says Yellow as though the favor being given is them gracing this place with their presence. 

Tim realizes with a shock that he isn’t sure his opinion is any good right now.

He’s too angry.

It’s not his rage.

But it’s… spilling into everything.

Tim has never felt unsure in his life. This is… a horrible feeling.

He wipes at his eyes, surprised to find them wet.

“Come.” Elias stands, not revealing whatever he thinks of this display, and heads for the door.

Are you all right?

Yellow… seems to mean it?

Can Tim trust that, either?

Yes. He knows he can. Whatever else is wrong with him, he knows he’s reading other people correctly, including Yellow. “Not really?”

I will do what I can for you once we are alone.

“Alone,” Tim scoffs.

Comparatively.

“Sure,” says Tim, and follows Elias Bouchard deeper into his spooky Eye palace.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3264

it's apparently like 60 bucks to get forklift certified in the US right now, usually it's 100. if you got sixty bucks, go on and get forklift certified if you want, kids. but you gotta be at least 18 for it.

today at work i wrote the high-level briefing after getting feedback from my other notices i wrote yesterday. totally good. we learned a bunch of stuff about tracking shipments and supply chain impacts and the physical security part of it today, which inspired me to look up forklift certifications.

after work, though, i got my train, but i missed my stop. so i had to get off at a different station and wait for another train to take me back, and i almost missed the 5pm bus. thankfully i didn't, because a very nice lady asked me if i wanted to read the sign in front of her and i saw it was at a different dock, so i ran over there as fast as i could without bowling anyone over.

after the bus ride i went to see marissa, and we got dinner and worked on homework and talked for a few hours. i just got back, and now i'm in bed, so that's a nice turn of events.

i have wanted cuddles from joel today, who i haven't seen since i left this morning earlier than i intended because i woke up before my alarms. which sucked. but it's okay. because it was unbearably hot today, i elected to wear my pink sundress, and because business i put on a duster cardigan once at work. i was able to be cooled down and comfortable all day. which was nice.

also i'm getting along better with the other new guy, which i'm glad for, because i'll be working with him for my shifts. he's pretty funny, and i'm glad i'm getting to the point where i can see that we are different to appreciate the fact that we're not the same and he's not better than i am, nor am i than he. i struggle with an inferiority complex of some sort, which makes some things harder than they should be and makes me resent others who i assume are better than i am because of one thing or another. talking to others really helps overcome it, though. and having other people around, i've realized, is not because i'm not good enough to do the task at hand; it's that the task is too big for any one person to do alone. i shouldn't be jealous of the other new girl who's being offered a job. i don't need to be. we're different. it'll be good to have another person around so we have stations with people at them. it's okay she has more experience than i do, it's okay that everybody there has more experience than i do. i've had a long path to where i am now, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. sure i'm mad at some of the institutions that made me believe this stuff and held me back from getting help sooner, but that's not something i can change now. i can't rewrite the past. all i can do is pick up the pen and write a new ending.

and besides, i only feel old because my body is malfunctioning. i'm not actually that old. 30 isn't old, not really. it's weird, sure, because my supervisor is younger than i am, but who gives a flying fuck! he's just a guy! a dude!! and so am i!!!

i'm working on it.

oh! joel is here. time for cuddles!

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Listening to NPR can sure make me grumpy.

I mean, in some ways I do love listening. Most days it’s my first news, and the radio stays tuned to it. I trust them about as much as I trust any news source. But DAMN , they live in another world than me!

I know they can’t help being utterly clueless about the lifestyle of the poor an rural. Most news sources, ad pop culture for that matter, does not get it. People live in bubbles, and it’s hard for folks in my bubble to move into another. To transition to a world in which they get to have a “voice” in the culture they have to transform a bit, through classy educational institutions, living location, money, or whatever. Even if they were born in my world it’s easy for them to forget.

Today I caught a bit railing against dollar stores. Someone actually was actually like “If they don’t have grocery stores, why don’t they just start food co-ops and community gardens?” Rather than have those icky Dollar Generals. And at another point a man was saying how it was 10 miles to the nearest grocery store and the host actually asked if they had “robust” public transportation!

Ok, so I live in a town with a Dollar General, and let me tell you that I’m actually kind of grateful for it! No, I’m not delighted with chains like that in concept, but when it has been over 20 yrs since the gas station (the only one in town) wasn’t the only source of “groceries”, no one else was going to be opening a store!

We are a town of less than 500 people, 10 miles from a grocery store, mostly consisting of the poor and old, and public transit does not exist. You need to either be able to drive a minimum 20 mile round trip, or have someone give you a lift, and considering the road is a busy four lane highway I SERIOUSLY advise against biking. The people that live here either are working too hard or too unwell to do the work of organizing a co-op. As for a community garden, you have any idea how hard it would be for a community to grow all their own food AND pay the bills?

So yeah, I’m no Dollar General fangirl, but I am glad there is a place people can get to easily, even walk to, where they can get necessities on a pinch.

Oh, and let me add , once every two weeks I do my shopping and my first stop it Dollar Tree to tick things off my list. Why? Because I am broke!! Every single penny counts for my survival.

I admit I feel sensitive. I’m trapped in this rural hick town, worried that if anything goes wrong with my body or car I won’t be able to even run errands. I don’t have people to turn to and donn’t have money to pay people. I am too poor to live except in the most post-apocalyptic way, like someone gave be food they were throwing out to give my pig, and I ended up sorting out half to eat myself. (OOOOOH BLUEBERRIES! How I’ve missed you!) I have $15 right now, and I have to figure out how much of that to use for gas and still have a little for mailing something, ‘cause I’m running way too close to empty. Too close to drive 10 miles!! So hearing people with a ton of advantages full of “just” suggestions annoys the hell out of me!

[onceandfutureoshainspector]

- went upstairs to find Quinlan.

Quinlan: Oh, Knight... I was told you were coming. Sorry about this business with Danse. Cat: What do you know about this situation? Quinlan: While I was decrypting all of the data you acquired from within the Institute, I came across a list. It appears that the Institute keeps exemplary records where their synths are concerned, including logging those that were reported missing. As I was perusing this list, I came across an image of Danse under the heading "M7-97". A quick DNA comparison with our own records told the rest of the tale. I'm certain this comes as quite a shock to you, Knight. I'm sorry.

- hm, i wasn't under the impression that the Institute was this on the ball. not gonna cry misinformation just yet, but i am going to have to check exactly what i've been told re: their synth-tracking capabilities.

Cat: He'll be missed. Quinlan: Doubtful. I wouldn't "miss" a synth any sooner than I'd miss a transistor radio. I was merely sorry that you'd been duped.

- fucking christ, this guy turned on a dime. zero hesitation in forgetting every human interaction he had with Danse. >:(

Quinlan: No matter. I've been poring over Danse's duty reports and unfortunately, I haven't found any concrete information. As you're well aware, Danse had intimate knowledge of the Commonwealth and I'm afraid he could be seeking refuge anywhere. I think our best approach would be to identify every location he's ever visited and eliminate them as possibilities one by one.

- Nick Valentine would point and laugh at this guy lol.

Quinlan: You may want to get comfortable, this could take quite a bit of- Haylen: What the hell is this crap about Danse being a synth!?

- oh shit, here comes Haylen with a steel chair! kill him Haylen!

Quinlan: I assume your outburst was a reference to some doubt regarding Danse's identity. I can assure you that my findings are quite accurate, Scribe. Haylen: So he sets Danse up, and then you knock him down. Is that it? Cat: How did you hear about it? Haylen: Maxson's made it clear that we're to locate Paladin Danse, and if we find him, report his location to you. That can only mean you've been sent to hunt him down.

- frankly, i'm glad of the lack of good options here. c'mon, Haylen, ixnay on the akingasceneinfrontofthisdudemay. how about we go for a walk, yeah?

Cat: Orders are orders. Haylen: I can't believe that after everything Paladin Danse did for you, you're just going to turn your back on him like this! There's obviously been a mistake, and we need to get to the bottom of it. Quinlan: Scribe Haylen! You're addressing a senior officer and you will show her the respect that she's due or so help me I'll have you brought up on charges! Now, unless you're here with information that can assist us, I suggest you return to the police station immediately. Haylen: Of course. My apologies, Proctor. I believe I have some information that's relevant to the search. Quinlan: Very well then, would you care to enlighten us, or do we have to wait until you decide to grace us with your knowledge? Haylen: Knight, if you'd accompany me to the Flight Deck, I'd like to show you the information I've compiled first hand. I've stored the data on my vertibird gunship's computer.

- THERE we go!

Cat: I'll take anything that gets me closer to finding Danse. Haylen: Yes, ma'am. If you'll follow me, ma'am?

[afamstudies112b]

Blog Post 5

In this blog posting, I would like to go over Professor Due’s ideas more in-depth regarding AI. This blog post is related to the lecture in week 8 of this course. Professor Due stated that AI is not so bad to use to gain ideas and different types of topics for an assignment. Artificial intelligence has the potential to provide fresh ideas and viewpoints that might encourage students to think outside the box. By utilizing AI, students may examine a variety of sources, extract pertinent data, and get insights that they might have otherwise missed. This has the potential to greatly improve their research and deepen their comprehension of many subjects. Professor Due's examples helped to make this clear, and she even suggested that her students might use AI for some of the course assignments. Depending on AI to replicate information verbatim does not support a true learning environment or academic integrity. The practice of plagiarism, which involves claiming someone else's work as one's own, is a significant ethical transgression that compromises the values of education. From the word going around about students using AI at the UCLA institution, I have noticed that students are denied the chance to practice critical thinking, express their ideas clearly, and interact with the material. The development of creativity, innovation, and personal growth is hampered when information is copied verbatim from AI-generated sources. Furthermore, replicating AI-generated text verbatim prevents the development of critical abilities like writing, analysis, and interpretation. The goal of education is to develop students' capacity for independent thought, argumentation, and information. The opportunity for students to develop their writing style and intellectual independence is lost when they only use AI-generated material. Even though AI has the potential to be a useful tool for producing original concepts and advancing knowledge, students must utilize it ethically and responsibly. Accepting AI's aid for inspiration and advice while maintaining uniqueness in one's work fosters true learning, intellectual development, and personal progress. Students come to such a prestigious university and then think they are doing themselves a favor by not doing their own work and cheating themselves. To move forward and go deeper into Professor Due’s lecture, we talked about a really interestingly created film by the name of “District 9”. To my understanding, this film was made inappropriately due to the message it was trying to strongly portray. Intense violence, frequently involving battles between humans and aliens, is depicted in "District 9." Some viewers may find the film's depiction of graphic visuals and explicit material upsetting, especially those who are sensitive to violence or who prefer a more restrained narrative. The heavy use of violence can obscure the movie's main point and possibly turn off some viewers who find such material uncomfortable or unneeded. Something else that got me feeling weird about the film was the representation of Nigerians in "District 9” as corrupt and criminal characters, which is a noteworthy area of criticism. By linking Nigerian characters with criminal activity, black market transactions, and witchcraft, the film reinforces unfavorable preconceptions. This representation has drawn criticism for maintaining unfavorable stereotypes about a particular ethnic community, perhaps strengthening prejudices, and fostering unfavorable attitudes. To me, this was not appropriate in any way, and I am glad we had the chance to discuss this in the class time we had. It is essential for stereotypes like this to slowly vanish as well as for new ideas and ways to treat mental health disabilities of that sort in responsible ways to create a very healthy society for all kinds of people, races, and genders to live in.

[ketso]

Episode 13

I am waking up in my upmarket stylish pent suite in Sandton – within the most expensive square meter in Africa. I could honestly get used to this life. I mean... wow!

My daughter is now living with her husband. I still have casual sex with her father. I am driving a Ferrari and a Bentley. I am living it up! Suddenly, all those years behind bars were worth it!

I am making my way to Tholoana Kingdom today. I want in on some critical projects of the church. I'm thankful for the legal church that Laura and her family are running, but I'm ready for real work. I am meeting up with Thabi Mohale, Ona Mohale and Khotso Mohale. I'm sure Maboko Seete will be there too, but with him, all I can do is just look at him. I can't touch. I can't even let him touch. So, I'll dress in something nice so that him and I enjoy looking at each other.

I take a bath, lotion myself and dress up like the real Maphuthi Ngwenya. My bags are packed so all I do is just leave. I'll have breakfast when I land in the kingdom. I don't want to miss my flight.

As I drive out in my 2-door Bentley Continental GT Sport Coupe, I dial my daughter to check in on her. Only Thandeka the ex-wife needs Nathi to buy her cars and houses. Me… I’ve only ever wanted sex from that man.

"Hey mommy", she answers her phone.

"Sthandwa sami, kunjani?"

"I'm good. I'm still asleep. Why are you awake so early in the morning?"

"I'm going on a business trip, baby. My flight is in the next hour, so I want to beat traffic and make it there on time."

"Oh okay. Ubuya nini?" She asks me.

"Probably tomorrow. Why?"

"Senzi invited his parents over ukuvula indlu and ukuyithandazela. I was hoping that you, dad and Khanya would also come. Khanya and dad have confirmed. Khosini is still annoyed that it's you that is coming and not his mother. So, he won't be here. Will you be able to come?"

"Of course I'll be there, baby. I'd cancel my trip if you even told me it's today. Just text me all the details. Ngizofika." I say.

"Thanks mommy. Well, enjoy your trip and I'll see you tomorrow", she says.

"Thanks baby. I love you."

"Love you, mommy."

We hang up.

It feels good to be her mother. I know it's late. I know it's missing the building blocks. But I'm glad she's letting me in anyway. I'm happy that there's enough room for me and Thandeka in her life. I'm thankful that when only one of us can come to something, she chooses me.

-

My flight was good. I flew first class. Economy class sometimes gives me the hibijibies of prison. There's too many of us in one space. When I land in the kingdom, Khotso and Ona Mohale are the ones waiting to pick me up. Khotso is the one looking at me like a snack. I smile at him too. Yes, he can definitely have me. By the way, he's the single twin brother now. His wife, Remo, divorced him because he cheated with some soccer player's widow. Then he tried to marry that girl, but things didn't work out because Remo threatened that girl to the core. Apparently, she went madhouse on her... stalking her, moving shit in her house then hiding, messing with the breaks of her car and causing the poor girl to use taxis because she no longer trusted cars after accidents caused by that lunatic, driving her into a mental institution even. Lol! Remo made the side-bitch pay for the role she played in ruining her marriage. And when that Ndalo girl was threatened by social services to have her kids taken from her because of her being so unstable, she dropped Khotso and told him he wasn't worth it. So, the Mohale chief leader is single!

"Gentlemen", I greet them.

Some men-in-black creeps who are apparently the Mohale security take my bags.

Ona greets me with a handshake and smile. Professional, okay.

Khotso hugs and lays a kiss on my cheek. But it's that hug man... you know that hug that tells you that there will be more fraternising as the day goes on... I hug him back and even brush myself slightly past his penis. He holds me tighter. I think the deal is done.

"You look good", Khotso tells me.

"So do you", me.

"That means I look good too. We are identical twins", Ona says.

"Yeah, but you have two wives to tell you that", I say.

Khotso laughs. He still has his arms around me.

Ona looks at us, shakes his head then says, "We need to get going. You can fuck each other later."

I ride in their Maybach with them. They are both busy on their phones and tablets. So, I switch on my phone and check my messages. I have a few work emails that I reply to. I don't understand how a church can be run this corporate. I'd be keen to know if these people even pay tax. I should actually ask Laura. When I'm done replying to work emails, I check my text messages. Wandi has left me the details of her lunch what-what that she's planning. I reply and confirm, yet again, that I'll be there. She sends me smiley faces and asks me if I've arrived in the kingdom.

"Yeah. Just headed to my hotel now", I reply to the text.

"Senzi's mom wants me to work in her office now that I'm marrying Senzi. Apparently, I have to be close to the first lady. I told her I'd work in your office instead. She's giving me hell and Senzi says he's not getting involved. He knows his mother doesn't like me. Why would anyone want me to work with her?" Her text message.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll sort it out. You'll work in my office." I reply via text.

"Thanks mommy. Enjoy your trip." Her.

I send her kisses.

We arrive at the Royal house.

"I thought I was staying at a hotel", I say.

"Why? We have enough room here." Khotso says.

"And we are just on time for breakfast. Everyone is waiting for us", Ona.

Who the hell is everyone?!

I am led to the dining table. Ja, everyone is here. Ona's two wives are here. Ona's twins and their wives. Ona's other four kids are here - including Thandeka's child - are all here. Khotso's two kids are here too. Then the grandkids are here too. This is a big table. And there's just a lot going on. The queen-mother passed away, so she's the only missing person at this table. Ona and Khotso did not take her death well at all, but everyone says that they took it better than they took King Mohato Mohale's death. But at least the queen-mother is now reunited with her man.

We are already digging into the breakfast and the table is very chatty.

"Aus'Phuthi", a child calls me.

I look up from my plate. It's Khotso's daughter, Rena.

"Yes?" Me.

"Do you have any children?" She asks me. But she's smiling at me. I heard she doesn't like anyone. I heard she's a bit of an ice queen.

"I do. I have one child. A daughter. But she's all grown up and married now." I say.

"I see. Do you miss her?" She asks me.

I look around the table. All the adults are observing us carefully. Khotso is even smiling at us.

"I get to see her every day, so at least she's still in my life. Plus, I didn't lose her. I gained a son too. So now I have two kids." I say.

"Is that how it works? So if I get married, my dad would gain a son and not necessarily lose a daughter? I thought getting married meant leaving behind your family and focusing on your new family", she says.

Yoh, this kid's questions. At breakfast vele? Her brain is this active so early in the morning?

"I'm not allowing anyone to take you away from me, baby girl." Khotso rescues me a bit.

"So, my husband would become Mr Mohale?"

We all choke on our food a bit.

"Did someone ask you to marry them, Lefatselabarena?" Ona enquires.

"Not really", she says.

"Not really?!" Khotso and Ona both say.

Ja no, this conversation.

"Someone tried. But he's not worth it. So, I'm not interested." She says.

Ona and Khotso look at each other. This child is a teenager. Khotso has told me that she is in grade eleven and is nervous about how she will be when she is in matric. He keeps telling me he was wild in matric to a point where a fellow matric student passed away at a weekend away where they were celebrating their eighteenth birthday. So he isn’t entirely excited about Rena turning eighteen or going to matric.

"Aus'Phuthi, have you ever been married before?" Moloko asks me. He's Khotso's son.

Yerrr!

"No, I haven't." Me.

"Would you ever consider getting married?" Moloko asks me.

I take a deep breath and say, "Probably not."

"Not even to our dad?" Moloko.

Now I seriously choke on my food. These kids stare at me, waiting for their answer. I'm just drinking water and trying to get the food to go down the right pipe.

"Well, we think that you are pretty and we think that you are cool. We wouldn't mind if you married our dad", Rena says.

I'm still coughing on the food I'm choking on.

Yoh!

Ona and Khotso set me up! I should’ve gone to that hotel.

…

We are in Shaka's office now. The pope. Maboko Seete is here. But he's son is here with him. They look like brothers. Zithulele is also here with his two sons. The Mohales are here with their boys. I notice that Reahile is very close to Khotso – much closer than what he is to Ona… and he’s biologically Ona’s. But I have also been told that Reahile just chose Khotso to be his father and Khotso is the one who has been raising him. Ona has tried to bring him closer, even letting Reahile stay with his second wife. But apparently, the minute that Khotso settles with a stable woman – stable enough to even live with Rena and Moloko – Reahile will move into that house with his wife and kids. I feel for Ona a bit. I’d die if Wandi chose another woman over me to be her mother. But bonds are bonds I suppose.

Thabi is here so I don't feel as singled out as I would have been had I been the only woman here.

Shaka finally walks in with his son, Ntuthuko.

"Sorry to keep you waiting", he says as he walks in.

We are all silent.

"Phuthi, welcome." Shaka says.

I nod my head.

"We heard your cry about wanting to be more involved in the church. We had you running mines before you did time. You are good at the corporate face of things. The crime side of things requires a lot of training. And right now, we don't have time." Shaka says.

I don't say anything. I'm slightly annoyed though.

"But I do understand your frustration of working at that church under Laura. Mining is dangerous for you right now. Putting you back there would attract more cops for you, and that's not good for us. I'm thinking a hospital", he says.

We are all a bit confused.

"I'm not a doctor, though". Me.

"You will be managing a hospital that we will be building. It would even make our organ trading a lot easier. Thabi will help you", Shaka says.

"I'm a queen. I can't be -

She's silent now. Everyone is staring at her.

"Will you be able to move to the kingdom? Permanently." Shaka asks me.

I was loving being close to my daughter. But I guess she can always visit.

"Sure", I say.

He nods his head then moves on to the next thing on the agenda. Thabi is not happy at all. At all.

We finish the meeting after about three hours. Then people leave the office. I just want to go and sleep. But the Mohales are my ride. Fortunately, we are driving back to the royal house. I'm dropped off at the guests' wing then they proceed with whatever business that they have for the day.

I spent the afternoon enjoying a nice long bath, romancing myself really with candles as I lotioned myself and dressed up in a cute dress.

There's a TV in here, so I find myself putting on some movie. I don't even make it past twenty minutes. I pass out.

I am woken by a presence hovering over me. It unsettles me because it instantly reminds me of prison. I count to ten before I open my eyes. I'm reminding myself that I'm not there anymore. I don't have to jump out of bed and immediately defend myself so I live another day. I turn around gently then open my eyes.

"Hi", Rena says to me waving her hand at me.

This child.

"Hello", Moloko says. He's even sitting on the bed.

These kids need to learn a thing or two about manners. I mean REALLY!

"We thought we would come and sit with you", Rena says.

I force a smile on my face. What I want to do is tell them to get the fuck out of here so I can sleep.

"We really like you. So, we want to hang out with you", Moloko says.

Gold star for me I suppose.

I sit up and pay them some attention.

"How has your day been?" I ask them.

"It was okay. I got 97 percent for my advanced programming mathematics test, so I'm excited. That thing has made me cry real tears in the past. Before this test, I was two marks away from beating the child that is first in our grade for the term. Now I caught up and I'm number one in my grade! My best friend, Ruri, is number two. But she's number one in English and Social Sciences. Oh, and design. But she has an unfair advantage. She's already a designer. She and her mom have a shop together. I wish my mother were still here", ja, Rena can TALK!

Lord, give me strength.

"You miss your mom, huh?" Me.

She nods her head, feeling so sad all of a sudden.

"I love my dad very much. But sometimes, I wish he could marry someone who at least has a clue. Someone like you." Rena.

She's starting. Moloko has just taken over the TV.

"Have you ever told him that?" I ask Rena.

"All the time. But you know papa. No one tells him what to do with his penis." She says, catching me completely off-guard and I choke on my spit. How old is this child again?

"You need to stop coughing so much", she says to me.

I make some space on the bed for her to climb in. She smiles at me then climbs in.

"So tell me, how can I do some of the things that you'd want to do with your mommy? I know I could never replace her. And I don't want to. But how can you and I have special things that we do together?" I ask her.

She cuddles up to me with excitement.

"You can tell me what the secret is to stay clean when I'm on my period. My teacher taught me how to use a sanitary towel. I didn't even tell my dad that I had started my period." She says.

This breaks my heart.

I wasn't even there for Wandi.

It's sad really. My baby and Rena grew up without mothers. But Rena's mother is a better woman than I am. She passed away. I was alive and still couldn't be there for my only child.

"You know what, I can do that. In fact, twice every month, I'll make sure that we have girls' weekend. Then we can chat and I can just be there for whatever you need... even if I'm not with your dad. Would that be okay?" Me.

"YEEEEEESSSSS!" She screams and says.

I laugh and hug her. She has a very playful spirit and a child-like excitement about her. I don’t think she will be an eighteen-year-old nightmare. I think Khotso can relax a bit. Rena is one of the good ones.

Khotso walks into the bedroom. Yeah, the kids left my door open.

"I hope they are not bothering you", Khotso says. Actually, they woke me up from some really great sleep, dude!

"Papa, Aus'Phuthi will be taking me on girls' weekends every month", Rena says.

Khotso smiles then says, "Really? So, when will she be spending time with me?"

"She said she doesn't need to be with you to do fun girl stuff with me", Rena.

"Oh really? But she's my friend. You are stealing her from me?" Khotso.

"Yep. Me and Moloko. I'm going to do mommy and daughter things with Aus'Phuthi now... like Ruri does with her mommy." Rena says.

Khotso and I look at each other. You can just see that a part of him is still in pain.

"I'm happy for you, baby girl", Khotso says.

"Loko, come on. Let's go get a snack. Daddy want to ask Aus'Phuthi to be his girlfriend", Rena says. I'll probably never get used to Rena's tongue. Like ever.

"Oooooohhhhh la la", Moloko says.

We all laugh then the kids leave, leaving just Khotso and I alone.

"You know, I'm going to fuck you. There's no need for you to suck up to my kids", he says.

"Wow! Now I see where Rena gets that mouth from." I say.

We both laugh.

He climbs on the bed and lies does next to me, putting his head on my lap now that I'm sitting up.

"She also told me that she wishes that you could marry someone who actually has a clue", I say.

"Yep, that's definitely something that came out of the mouth of Lefatselabarena Mohale." He says and we laugh.

"What broke my heart though is her saying that some girl that's her friend has an unfair advantage at one of the subjects at school because she has a mother." I say.

His face also drops.

"She told me her teacher taught her how to use a sanitary towel when she started her period", I continue.

He tenses up.

"You know, my daughter grew up without me too. She was a few days old when I went inside. I came out, she was seven. I went back in before she was even eight. I was never there. Rena's mom is a better woman than me. She passed on. She genuinely couldn't be there. I was alive and she grew up without a mother. She was raped. She was abused. She was moved from house to house every time Nathi's wife didn't feel like having her around. I failed her. I'm a bad mother. I'll never have any of those years back. And I know I'll never make up for it by being there for Rena... I'll probably never even let go of the guilt I feel inside of me for not being there for Wandisa. But, I'll do my best with your daughter - regardless of what happens between you and me."

He holds my hand.

I didn't realise that I was crying.

"You are a brilliant mother", he says.

I don't believe him.

"You were in jail, yes. But I remember a large portion of money from the church paying for some expensive boarding school for your kid because you blackmailed a shit load of people into making sure that your daughter was okay. There's a whole trust set up for her that you said you'd gift her when she goes to university".

I laugh and say, "then she chose to not go to university. I don't know what to do with that money now."

"The bottom line is that even from behind bars, you were a mother. You ordered hits on every man that touched her. You are not the ordinary mother, yes. But you are a mother. A damn good one. And she knows it. That's why she goes above and beyond to "tefa" now that you are around." He says.

I smile at him.

"Thank you", I say.

"Can we fuck now?" Him.

I just burst into laughter.

[solarisrasa]

All I Could Bring Myself to Want is you pt 2

A Malec fic canon divergent from the moment Alec hands the Family Ring back to Maryse Lightwood.

Read it here on Ao3

Part One

The Jade Wolf almost looked reputable under Maia’s care. The walls were freshly painted and the menu was a lot broader than it used to be but Magnus was glad to see that he could still order dumplings.

He was reading over the various named dishes when a loud series of sounds drew his gaze to the kitchen doors.

“Maia!”

“-not welcome! Bat, stand down.”

Magnus stood, ready to help if needed. He’d spent the past week trying very hard to recapture the hedonist, devil-may-care self he’d been hiding behind before Alexander had pulled him out of his misery and it hadn’t worked. He was here now trying to rebuild connections with the people he cared for and if there was already a threat he was more than willing to face it.  

Maia, curls held back with her usual headband and fire in her rapidly shifting eyes, stormed across the restaurant. Toward him.

“Maia-”

He was cut off by the Alpha spitting in his face. Literally.

“Get out.”

Magnus, shocked, wiped at his wet cheek and stared at her.

“Why?”

She sneered, “You come back from wherever the hell you’ve been, you don’t bother to tell  anyone who’s been worried about you. You don’t even try to check in on Alec, and I could understand that, but you didn’t fucking get in touch with Izzy either. Then, you sleep with the first Shadowhunter you run across. It’s like you’re  trying to finish the job.”

Magnus blinked and an odd sense of shame filled him. He knew the girl was a bad idea, knew it when he did it and doubly when he’d woken up to runed arms slung over him in his guest room. Because he hadn’t been able to stomach the thought of the bed he and Alexander had shared.

His confusion and loss must have shown on his face because Maia doesn’t demand he leave again, just stared him down with her searching eyes.

“I’ve not been entirely sane, I don’t believe.”

He didn’t mean to be  that honest, but there was nothing else he could say.

Maia’s anger started to crack, he could see the concern that edged in, “Sit down Magnus. I think we need to talk.”

He sat. Maia sent Bat, who hovered until it was clear Maia wasn’t going to disembowel him, to put in a double order of dumplings.

“So.” Maia’s shoulders jerked toward him.

Magnus knew a cue to spill when he saw one.

“I was in Edom-”

“What?”

He started again, “I was in Edom. I was stuck there because the magic I used to close the rift in Alicante wouldn’t hold without me constantly refreshing it until I killed Lilith-”

“That was you? You closed the rift and killed a greater demon?”

Maia looked almost impressed and somehow still pissed.

“If you keep doing that I’m not going to tell you anything.” Magnus’ tone was mild and more fond than he cared to acknowledge. He’d missed her too.

“If you didn’t keep us all in the dark, granted it makes more sense now, I might say sorry.”

He huffed and kept going, “My point is I was stuck in Edom. I gained enough power to permanently close the rift and come back to New York. I was here for twenty minutes before I learned that the Shadow World here is getting cozier, which I applaud, and that Isabelle is somehow the head of the Institute now. The next day I learned from Catarina that she’d, in a misguided moment of friendship for me, done the warlock equivalent of blacklisting Alec.” The name stuck in his throat and he saw Maia wince, “So, yes, I went on a bit of a bender and made some particularly poor choices. I probably deserved your reaction and certainly deserve your anger.”

Maia reached for his hand and squeezed it firmly when he allowed her.

“I am definitely not happy with you, but I think there’s some things you should know too. First though, what do you think?”

She waved her hand around the building and Magnus smiled, “I think it looks great. I am glad that I will get to see what kind of Alpha you’ve become. I know it’s a strong one.”

Maia’s eyes softened and she gave him a small, more real smile. He cleared his throat as Bat set the dumplings on the table, looking relieved that they were still civil.

“I also think that biscuit’s going to get a big head about having a dish named after her.”

He scooped up a dumpling and made a happy sound as he bit into it. He swallowed quickly, magic helping keep him from scalding his throat, as he took in Maia’s desolate expression. He set the dumpling down, rings clinking against his plate, and straightened up.

“Maia. I think you’d better tell me what I need to know.”

“Clary’s uh, she...after the rift was sealed it wasn’t good here. Jonathon was cutting his way through Institutes and we needed to stop him. Clary went and she used one of her runes but I guess the Angel’s didn’t want her to do that anymore.” At Magnus’ look she explained further, “She made the Alliance rune. Izzy and Alec were trying to find something to deal with Jonathon but he was so strong and Clary started trying to make a new rune. It linked a Downworlder and a Shadowhunter temporarily, I was there and it was pretty neat but the Angel’s didn’t approve. They took her memories of the shadow world. She’s doing well I guess, at the art school. Jace goes to see her sometimes, glamoured. Izzy and Simon are trying to stop him but...I think he deserves some kind of happiness.”

Magnus slumped further in his chair, staring off to the side, “Oh, biscuit.”

“Yeah. Well, that’s like, the tip of the shit-burg. I probably shouldn’t be the one to tell you this but...I don’t think anyone else can handle it, not with all the other stuff they’re going to one to talk to you about.”

Magnus had so wanted to come and just enjoy reconnecting with a friend, and now there was more being dumped in his lamp. He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, ignoring the return of the burning feeling in his chest. He opened his eyes and nodded.

“Maryse Lightwood is dead.”

He sucked a breath in as the burning feeling turned to solid ice and slid into his stomach. Maryse. They’d had a rocky past but the last time he saw her, smiling at him in her shop and so full of love and potential he’d been filled with love for the woman in return.

Maia took a shuddery breath, “I didn’t know her, but I saw what it did. Izzy got through, she’s strong and Simon was able to reach her. Jace, he’s rough but no one knows how much of that is just him and how much is Alec right now.”

The dumplings were going cold and Magnus pushed them away. If he had any less control he would’ve been sick. As it was he could feel the tears wetting his cheeks.

Maia reached for his hand again and he held on tight.

“How?”

He would kill someone if he needed to, though he figured her children, oh  Lilith , had already done it.

-

Alec turned his arrow slowly in his hand, inspecting the runes running along the shaft. Beside him Jace was meticulously cleaning his blades, neither of them spoke. They were alone in the armory, as they were often alone anywhere now. Most of the others gave them a wide berth whenever possible, as though the sorrow that weighed on them was contagious.

The exceptions were, of course, Izzy and Simon.

In the rare moments he felt anything but the suffocating absence of Magnus and the grief for his mother, he felt guilty at how badly he was hindering Jace’s ability to heal. Moments like this.

He couldn’t close it off from their bond, it was all they really had left most days and neither of them could bear to hide anything anymore. Instead he felt Jace pause, heard him sigh, and then felt him continue his methodical motion over his seraph blade.

Alec knew, could  feel, that Jace was hurting, for Clary and their mom and in his own way for Magnus too. He knew that it wasn’t all him, the deafening soundless drowning that lay between them. It was just, he could feel the feedback his pain had stuck them in. The times that Jace managed a laugh with Izzy or got enthusiastic training Simon that fizzled like electricity down their bond only to slam into the tidal wave that was Alec’s suffering.

His pain wasn’t greater than Jace’s exactly, but it was different. Jace knew where Clary was, knew she was safe and  alive-

His thumb slipped where he was testing the arrowhead and a bead of blood welled up. Jace didn’t seem to notice and Alec watched the droplet trek over his palm. It felt good, almost. Pain made physical, something he could see, could comprehend with his senses.

Behind him Jace finished and strapped his weapons back to his legs.

Alec didn’t need to ask to know that they were going back out. It was the routine, not one Izzy was happy with, but it was theirs. Patrol, come back long enough to clean the worst of it off, go back out, wear out a stamina rune, sleep until Alec couldn’t and do it again. Sometimes Alec went alone, when Jace was needed for other things.

They headed into ops, Alec following Jace, his shadow. They moved silently enough that even other Shadowhunters didn’t notice them and Alec let Jace talk with Underhill, finding out where they might be needed next. He was zoning out, focusing on his breathing and pressing a fingernail into the sliver on his thumb when he heard it.

“...at  Pandemonium.  I went home with him! I didn’t know he was  the Magnus Bane.”

His whole body turned toward the girl who was talking, one of the newer recruits from Idris with her friend. They were clearly just getting back from a patrol, chattering as they turned over their weapons.

He strode up to her, uncertain what his face was doing as it worked to keep up with the swell of hope, then confusion, then anger, and finally more despair that swept through him.

“What did you say?” His question came out harsh and she jumped, eyes blown wide.

He could see that she was afraid of him and made an effort to stop looming over her but didn’t back off.

“Oh, uh, I was just talking about going out clubbing on my night off. I thought it was allowed?”

Alec frowned, he could hear Izzy’s heels approaching, “No. About Magnus Bane.”

His voice wasn’t quiet and every Shadowhunter who’d been there a year ago, and many who had not, seemed to freeze in place, listening. Izzy’s steps faltered behind him and Jace’s hand gripped his shoulder.

“He-” The girl blushed, “I went home with him?”

Alec stumbled back and Jace made a noise like an animal in the back of his throat. The room blurred and Alec could hear Izzy taking control of the situation, sending the girl to her office to talk in a moment and re-focusing the others.

“-lec? Alec? C’mon buddy.” That was Jace, sounding frightening.

Alec pulled in a ragged breath, aware that he was pressed back to chest with his parabatai and his legs were shaking. Izzy was looking at him in concern, her cool hands pressed to his cheeks.

“I will find out if it’s true. Alec, I’ll find out if he’s back. I swear.” Izzy spoke quickly and looked at Jace, “Get him out of here.”

Izzy turned for her office and Jace manhandled Alec back to their now shared room. It was Jace’s old one, Alec’s had too many memories he couldn’t face and Jace hadn’t wanted to leave behind the memories in his.

Alec collapsed onto the bed, breathing harshly.

  Magnus.  

He was back. He was safe.

  Maybe.

He was...sleeping with random Shadowhunters. Alec shuddered and told himself it didn’t matter, as long as he had his magic, as long as he was safe Magnus could be happy again and that was all that mattered.

Jace was humming, running a hand over Alec’s arm as he sat beside him.

He was overwhelmed, Alec could tell. Their closer connection meant that Jace could feel too well the renewed heartbreak that Alec was trying to bury. It was almost worse now, he had no time to prepare and no warning. It was like his mom all over again but this was  Magnus.

Jace lay down behind him, curled an arm around him and just breathed with him.

Eventually the tremors faded and Alec drifted into an exhausted sleep.

-

  “She’s not been to the shop. I’m worried about her.” Luke said, frowning around wolf fangs.

  Alec could hear the screech of brakes and the sound of his mother screaming in the distance but he nodded along.

  “We’d better start searching.”

  The street bled into the sterile interior of the morgue, the sheet over his mother’s body. Another body next to hers.

  “Gentleman. Thank you for coming. I am hoping that you won’t find who you’re looking for here but these are our only unidentified persons.” The man in the scrubs pulled back the first sheet.

  Maryse Lightwood frowned up at Alec, “You’re hurting Jace. It would be easier if you broke the bond. Let him heal. Let everyone heal.”

  Alec stumbled and Luke caught him, “It’s her. She’s right, Alec.”

  “I don’t know how.”

  “Yes you do.” A new voice. Alec turned to the second table, Magnus was standing next to it, fingers bunched into the sheet. The girl from Idris was pressed against his side and he watched as other’s, strangers, appeared, running their hands over Magnus’ shoulders and chest.

  “You had the answer at Max’s rune ceremony.”

  Magnus pulls the sheet off without his usual flourish and Alec stares at his own face. His body is naked and cold, the betrayer mark stark where it sits beneath the stitches on his chest.  

  “How hard could it be Alexander? Just, don’t watch your six when you patrol alone.”

  He looks into Magnus’ golden eyes and he nods.

-

The knock on their door pulled Alec from the vestiges of his dream and he felt Jace sit up behind him.

“Yeah?” Jace called, voice deepened with sleep.

Izzy opened the door and smiled a little at them, “I came by earlier but you guys need the rest. I have some answers.”

Alec pushed himself up as Jace stretched, cracking his back loudly.

“So, Meredith was right. Magnus is back. I talked to Maia and Catarina. Maia didn’t know but Catarina said he’d been back for a few days. She said that he probably needed some time to adjust before he really made it known.”

Jace scoffed, “From the sound of it he’s  adjusted just fine.”

Alec didn’t have the energy to cringe, but he still twitched in discomfort.

Izzy levelled an unimpressed stare, “I don’t think so. From what Catarina said I’d say he’s making shitty choices because he’s trying not to give himself time to think. I found out what happened to him.”

She paused and Alec felt his heart in his throat, shifting forward on the bed. It was only knowing that she was going to tell him that stopped him from grabbing her and making demands.

“He closed the rift over Alicante. I don’t know all the specifics but, he had to do it from Edom and was stuck there until he could permanently close it.”

Alec braced his elbows on his knees and clenched his hands together, thumb digging into his hand. Jace finally settled beside him. Edom. They’d left Magnus to Edom for a  year.

“That’s….holy shit. That’s  badass.”  Jace sounded impressed, tired, but impressed.

Alec gritted his teeth until it hurt as Izzy continued, “Yeah. He also banished his father to limbo so that’s not a problem anymore.”

She gave Alec a pointed look.

“Izzy. We left him in actual hell after I broke his heart. We left him there for a  year. I don’t think there’s a way to fix that.”

She opened her mouth to protest but Jace cut her off, “If Magnus was in Idris, why didn’t the clave say anything?”

“It was a mess. There was no time.”

Alec didn’t like where this was going but he had to add, “Not that day, but after. They’re tracking all activity in and out of Idris now. After Valentine.”

Izzy shrugged, “How could they have known? All those demons had to be sending everything haywire.”

Jace leaned forward, “But a warlock’s portal? That has a different signature and everything is catalogued so even if no one was monitoring it, they would’ve caught it later. That day’s been reviewed thoroughly. They were trying to find out how the rift was closed, there’s no way no one noticed.”

With a growing dread Alec looked between them, “You think the clave covered it up. Why?”

“The type of power, they probably didn’t want it to get out that a warlock could wield enough power to close a rift to a hell realm like that. That’s why they were so adamant we find Magnus, they had to have guessed it was him. They’re probably freaked out that he could open it again.” Izzy shifted uncomfortably, “I don’t like this. Not just because we could’ve helped Magnus, this whole time we could’ve helped. The clave has been asking more questions about the Downworld deputies and the dual team patrols. I hoped it was because they were starting to come around but I’m afraid it might be worse.”

Alec held up his hand, “I don’t know how to deal with that right now. Until we know why they’re asking questions and what they hope to achieve there’s nothing we can do against it. I can’t really investigate, you know they’re still angry that I stepped down and still managed to bring the Downworlders into the fold here. I just…” He swallowed compulsively, “I think we have to talk to Magnus on this one. You’re going to want to call a meeting with him.”

Izzy looked between Alec and Jace, “I will. But not yet. He still needs time and...so do you. Rest if you can, I’m going to see what I can dig up.”

She pressed her hands to both of their arms and left them.

“Alec?”

“Jace.”

“You holding it together?”

“Are you?”

“I can hold a sword.”

“I thought it would get better once he came back. I thought if I could just,  see-” He cut off with a deep breath, clenching his hands together until his bones ached.

“I hoped so too. Maybe it will, but this is all a lot more than we thought it would be.”

“Yeah. It is.” Alec forced himself to let go, “Let’s pick up a patrol. Clary’s exhibit is the day after tomorrow, I’ll stay in if we can take one now and one tomorrow.”

He’d made that promise before, that he wouldn’t go alone when Jace was training Simon, or watching over Clary, or helping Izzy. He had yet to keep it, but Jace didn’t hold it against him and Alec was grateful.

“Alright. Underhill said there was pretty heavy activity cropping up, we might get lucky and get a real workout.”

“Good.”

-

Magnus didn’t think he’d ever miss walking around a city. He’d spent such a small, awful, amount of time without his magic and yet he’d thought he’d never pass up the opportunity to use a portal when it was just him again.

Now he was somewhat aimless as he walked. He’s been aimless since leaving the Jade Wolf and it was reminiscent of what he’d done after Alexander left him. It’s decidedly different in that he wasn’t homeless this time, he had somewhere to sleep when he was bored of it.

He was still hurting over Alexander but also for him and his siblings. Maryse had not been the greatest mother, by turns too harsh and distant or too invested in their lives but she learned from her mistakes and she was their  mother . Even without her death coming on the heels of Clary’s memory loss Magnus couldn’t imagine what it was like for the Lightwood siblings.

He didn’t know if he was unintentionally following the thread of demonic energy or if it was just his luck tonight but the snarling of demons pulled him from his thoughts. There were familiar sounds of battle under them and he sighed at himself, more Shadowhunters.

He summoned the glow of his power to his fingertips and headed to join them. Several demons were blasted aside before he saw them.

Jace was fluid motion with his blades, cutting down the enemy and holding a line while Alexander fired off arrows. The fletching grazed Jace’s cheek even as Magnus watched and the blonde didn’t flinch as the demon behind the one he was stabbing went down. There were too many of them to maintain the strategy though and Magnus watched them move past Jace.

Without a signal of any kind Jace threw his blade to Alexander without looking and Alexander caught it in his free hand, stabbing through the nearest demon. He slashed the next one and ducked under his bow to free his other hand and grab his own blade. Jace’s hand moved to catch at the same instant Alexander tossed his seraph blade back.

It was synergy in perfection. They moved and breathed like they were one thought, more in sync than he’d ever seen them, and Magnus hardly noticed the demons he was incinerating as he approached them.

  Alexander.

Jace looked much the same, more tired around his eyes maybe and Magnus could see there was something shuttered about his spirit. Alexander, on the other hand, was thinner than before, the light layer of healthy weight that he’d had (and Magnus had shamelessly contributed to) was gone. He was still obviously strong but it didn’t look like he’d had a real meal and a day's rest in the year since Magnus had been gone.

That wasn't the most startling change though. As the fighting wound down and Alexander wiped Ichor off his cheek Magnus realized what he’d taken for blood and shadow was a rune scrawling up Alexander’s face. It was echoed on the other side.

Jace caught sight of him and his expression flickered before steeling into resolve and nodded at him. With that Magnus stopped holding back and let his magic flare bright, burning the demons that were left to nothing.

As the light faded he turned back to the parabatai and his breath caught in his lungs. Alexander was staring at him.

“Magnus.”

His name was barely a whisper but it reached inside of him and tore out what was left of his heart. If he’d been able to move he’d have sunk to his knees at the sound alone.

Alexander walked toward him slowly, face guarded and Magnus wanted both to cry and to laugh. He never wanted Alexander to look at him like that and yet, what right did he have? He’d shattered Magnus so completely that he’d been prepared to turn to stone in Edom, unmoving and uncaring of his own imprisonment there.

Jace reached Magnus first.

“Please. Magnus, talk to him. Come back with us...or we’ll come home with you, but just, please.”

Jace’s voice was soft, desperate and Magnus really looked at him then.

He was exhausted, not just in the circles under his eyes but in his soul. The hand that pressed to his arm in askance wasn’t as steady as he had come to expect from Jace and the longer his silence went the shakier it became.

“Magnus.” Alexander repeated his name, standing closer and looking at him with hazel eyes. Magnus couldn’t look away. There was so much pain and so much guilt in Alexander.

Finally he nodded, “Yes. Come home with me.”

He summoned a portal and watched as Jace gently took Alexander’s arm and led him unsteadily through before he followed.

It snapped shut when they were through, leaving the three of them in the living room.

“You should get cleaned up, then we can talk.”

Magnus’ voice was soft as he watched Alexander shift like he wanted to bolt in what had nearly been his home. He closed his eyes for a second, unable to bear the squeeze in his chest for a moment.

“Sure. C’mon buddy.”

“Some of your things...some of your things came back when I put the loft back to rights before I left. Feel free to them, they are yours after all.” Magnus opened his eyes again to see Jace nod and Alexander already out of sight.

He sighed and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. A moment later Jace called his name.

“Yes?” He replied, moving toward them.

“Do you have any cream we can use for this?”

Magnus rolled his eyes, “Jace I can’t see you. What do you need-”

He pushed open the door to his bathroom and stared.

Alexander’s shirt was off and there were more runes than skin now, iratzes and stamina runes almost overlapping with more runes than Magnus even recognized and centered over his heart, angry red, was the  betrayer mark.

He tore his gaze away to meet Alexander’s eyes and swallowed hard.

They had well and truly ruined one another.

Part three

[the-great-lightwood-bane]

doubt truth to be a liar

Malec | Rated general | tw implied/referenced cheating but no actual cheating

Day 15: Emotional Damage | Lies | Breathing through the Pain

Summary: “Alec, Magnus is cheating on you.”

Or, Izzy and Jace overhear something at Magnus' loft that makes them think Magnus is cheating on Alec.

A/N: title from Hamlet:

Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.

inspired by a thread on the @malecdiscordserver

Read it on AO3 or below the cut.

“Let’s drop by Magnus’ loft after this,” Izzy suggested, killing the last demon with a slash of her adamas whip. “We need to restock on healing potions at the Institute, and it’s easier to pay Magnus directly rather than going through the Clave.”

Jace agreed, so they took a detour into Brooklyn and climbed up the stairs of Magnus’ brownstone. The door didn’t open when they tried it, though, so Izzy knocked, then listened for an answer. 

Rather than approaching footsteps, she heard heavy breathing and the sound of regular movements, and turned to Jace with a smirk. “Sounds like Magnus is getting some.” 

“I did not need to know that much about Alec’s sex life, thanks,” Jace said with an eyeroll. “Magnus probably warded it shut so we don’t walk in on them again. You’ll need to ask him for the healing potions tomorrow.”

Izzy nodded and led the way back down the stairs. 

~

Alec glanced up from his pile of paperwork when the fire message came flying out of the air and caught it on reflex. 

Opening it, he recognised Magnus’ handwriting. 

Sayang—

I’m sure you recall that particularly volatile invention I’ve been working on. A cure for firewort plague is valuable, of course, but I’m really not sure if it’s been worth the time I’ve spent away from you to work on it. But now, I’ve (finally) come up with a reproducible potion, which is sadly going to result in more time without your company. 

The Spiral Labyrinth has called an immediate Council meeting to “discuss the importance” of my invention, i.e. try to find fault with my methods and, if they can find none, talk about how they all could’ve come up with it if only they’d had the time away from their Very Important Duties (insert snide comment about the irrelevance of life outside of the Labyrinth). Worse, said discussion usually takes place over two or three days, during which time fire messages (and, predictably, cell phones) are prohibited. 

Therefore, I am devastated to admit that I must relinquish the joy of spending time with you in order to attend a wholly unnecessary, ridiculous, and unpleasant meeting which is nevertheless compulsory for the “proper certification” of every invention of such importance. If I end up turning the Council into toads, I trust you will accompany me as I flee from their retribution. If I do manage to retain a fragment of unfortunate self-control, I will return to your arms posthaste the moment I am freed from my torment. 

Until that happy time — which I look forward to with all my love for you — I must sadly say goodbye. 

Yours, as always, 

Magnus Lightwood-Bane

P.S. I don’t need to remind you to feed the Chairman, so I won’t. However, I do need to add that I miss you already, and that I sincerely regret not being able to kiss you before I go. Also, please remember to eat three meals a day; I will know if you don’t. I have spies. EAT FOOD. 

xoxo ❤ ❤ ❤

Alec huffed out something between a laugh and a sigh, fondness at Magnus’ writing style warring with disappointment at his departure. He was glad Magnus had finally finished with the potion — the inventing process had been long and Magnus had spent hours working on it, which had meant even less time together than usual. At least once Magnus was back, that would be over; until then, Alec resigned himself to a cold bed and Magnus-less days. 

At that moment, Alec’s office door swung open without a knock, which meant it was Izzy and/or Jace. He looked up, eyebrow raised, to inquire why they’d come barging in, but the expressions on their faces stopped him. 

“Alec,” Izzy said, something like pain on her face. “We — you’ve been here all morning, Underhill said.”

“I got here at nine,” Alec agreed, looking from one to the other. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“We…” Izzy glanced at Jace, then back to Alec, clearly steeling herself to deliver some unpleasant news. “Alec, Magnus is cheating on you.”

Alec’s held breath huffed out of him in a laugh, tension releasing from his shoulders. “Magnus isn’t cheating on me, Izzy. I thought you had something actually worrying to tell me.”

“Alec, I’m really sorry,” Izzy said, looking near tears, “but he is. We dropped by the loft at around eleven to ask for a refill on some healing potions, but the door was warded shut and we heard sounds like he was having sex with somebody, so we assumed it was you, but if you’ve been here all morning—”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Alec told her. “There’s some other explanation—”

“Do you think we’d tell you this if there were another explanation?” Jace broke in. “Alec, I know you don’t want to believe it, but we heard him—”

“You’re right. I don’t believe you,” Alec said, lips compressed, and tilted his head at the door. His siblings hesitated, then left, but not without casting him a last, anxious glance. 

~

Left alone, Alec huffed, clinging to his certainty that they’d been fooled. There was another explanation; there had to be. 

And yet his spinning thoughts couldn’t find one. 

Was it possible? Could it be? Magnus wouldn’t — he wouldn’t — but what if—

Alec shook his head, trying to shake free the doubts. Magnus had married him three months ago. Why would he cheat on him? Magnus wasn’t the kind of person who’d do that to somebody; he’d suffered so much from what Camille had done to him. If Magnus wanted to break up with Alec, he’d do so to Alec’s face, not cheat on him with somebody else. 

Right?

Frowning, Alec turned back to his reports, trying to focus, but the words blurred, and all Alec could think about were the whispers in his mind: Magnus is cheating on you. Do you think we’d tell you this if there were another explanation? 

Magnus wouldn’t cheat on him. Magnus loved him. But there were other words whispering now, hidden insecurities that had wormed their way into his mind: How come you never go out to clubs with us, Alec? You’re such a stick-in-the-mud! (You’re so boring. Why are you like this. Why can’t you have fun for once in your life.)

Maybe your best just isn’t good enough. (Not good enough not good enough not good enough, never good enough, always falling short.)

Dial it down a notch, Alec. — You have a switch that’s always on. (So tiring to be around you when you’re like that. Nobody likes being with somebody so intense. Stop worrying about everything, it’s depressing.)

Stop being so grumpy. (Boring, annoying, a pain to be around, why should any of them put up with you, you’re just unpleasant to talk to.)

Other words drifted in and out like curses. Selfish. Boring. Naïve. Foolish. Weak. All of it was true, Alec knew that, Alec should never have forgotten it. 

He’d always known it was far from inconceivable that Magnus might tire of him, might leave him when he realised that Alec couldn’t be all that he deserved. There had been so many times when he’d done something that should’ve been unforgivable — keeping secrets about the Soul Sword, the deal with Asmodeus — and yet Magnus had forgiven him each time. Had Magnus’ patience finally run out? Had Alec done something to make it run out? Or had he simply not been enough for Magnus, failed to meet some unspoken expectation? 

No. No. Magnus wasn’t cheating on him, wouldn’t do that. This was ridiculous, as he’d told Izzy and Jace. 

But the point remained that Magnus probably would get tired of him eventually. Alec had never been meant for happiness; that had been an incontrovertible fact of his childhood, and if he’d forgotten it when he was with Magnus, that didn’t make it any less true. Pride comes before the fall. He’d let himself believe that he could have this dream of a life Magnus had given him, and this was a wake-up call to remind him of reality. Alec was not meant for this kind of happiness. Even if Magnus wasn’t cheating on him, even if there was another explanation — there was still no reason for Magnus to stay with him for long. 

Alec had never been enough for anyone in his life. Why should Magnus be any different?

He thought of the fire message he’d received under an hour earlier, of the endearments in every line. Was it all a lie? 

With a shake of the head, Alec pushed the thoughts away. Even if all that was true, he’d already known it all, and none of it meant Magnus would cheat on him. 

Maybe Magnus would leave him, but he wouldn’t cheat. That wasn’t the kind of person Magnus was; he’d never intentionally hurt somebody like that, no matter how little he wanted to be with them. 

Unless — unless Magnus thought this was the kinder option. Unless he felt bad for Alec, pitied him, didn’t want to hurt him by breaking up with him. By divorcing him. Unless his relationship with Alec meant so little that a lie was better than a clean break. 

Alec was mortal; more than that, he was a Shadowhunter, destined to live fast and die young. What hardship was it to Magnus, to let Alec believe they were in love, while he dated somebody else on the side? If it hadn’t been for Jace and Izzy, Alec would never have known, would have gone on believing he was enough for Magnus despite all evidence to the contrary, and then when he was dead, Magnus would be free again. 

Then again — Magnus was kind, but he wouldn’t sacrifice decades of his life just so Alec wouldn’t get a broken heart. Magnus wouldn’t stay in a relationship out of pity. If it came down to that, if he didn’t love Alec anymore, he would divorce him; of that much Alec could be sure. 

But even if he did still love Alec, to some extent, that didn’t mean Alec alone was enough for him. (Why would he be? When had Alec ever been enough for anyone?) Perhaps Magnus still loved Alec, still wanted him, but wanted more, too. Perhaps he really didn’t want to break up with Alec; perhaps whatever he’d seen in Alec in the first place was still there, only less than he’d thought. Why, then, wouldn’t he simply date somebody else at the same time? If Alec never found out, it wouldn’t hurt him; Magnus could have Alec and anyone else he wanted. 

Magnus was bright and beautiful and so much more than Alec deserved. It only made sense that he needed more than just Alec to be properly happy. It was reasonable. It explained everything. 

Alec lowered his head on his desk and cried. 

~

He tried to work, but he couldn’t. 

Tears were blurring his eyes no matter how often he wiped them away, and his head was spinning with thoughts and worries and wonderings, and his heart ached far more than it ought, seeing as he should’ve known this would happen. 

There were reports to do and supply requisitions to file and patrol schedules to organise but Alec couldn’t do it, couldn’t bury himself in work and forget the pain. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t think; his world had slid sideways and he was still adjusting, still unable to comprehend the shift, still struggling with the weight of the emptiness that had descended on him. 

It should not have been so unexpected. He should have known. He should have guessed. He should have braced himself for it. He should be able to overcome the heartache, the idiotic heartache because hadn’t he just figured out that Magnus still loved him? He shouldn’t be feeling so upset about this revelation that should have been known already. 

His failure to do what he should was just another weakness, just another fault in him that he should be able to fix but somehow couldn’t. Just another gaping hole. What’s one more?

Still, despite all he should be doing, he was not, and sitting in his office crying like a child was unproductive. He’d train; training helped, training would push back the heartache to a manageable level. 

~

Izzy and Jace were waiting in his room when he got there to change, sitting on his bed, Jace’s hand pressed to his parabatai rune. Alec realised that he’d forgotten to mute it, and did so; some of the tension leaked from Jace’s shoulders, although Jace himself didn’t seem to consciously notice. 

“I’m so sorry, Alec,” Izzy said, standing up as he entered. “I — I hate that I had to tell you this, but you had to know—”

She was crying, and Alec hugged her instinctively. “It’s alright, Izzy-belle. I don’t blame you for this.”

Comforting her was easier than thinking about himself. 

“You shouldn’t blame yourself, either,” Jace said quietly. “The only one at fault here is Magnus.”

Alec flinched at the name, at the anger clear in Jace’s tone. “No. It’s not his fault. I’m just not enough for him.”

Jace’s face creased with sympathetic pain. “Alec…” 

Hesitantly, Izzy put an arm around his shoulders and guided him down to sit beside her on the bed. “It’ll be okay, Alec.” 

The reassurance was hollow, but Alec nodded anyway. 

She paused again, fingers fidgeting with the hem of her dress as she did when she had something to say but wasn’t sure if she should say it. Alec remained silent to let her decide, and eventually, she spoke up. “It’s — you’re so different, Alec, maybe it just… wasn’t meant to be.”

Alec carefully suppressed a flinch. She took his silence as an invitation to continue. “Magnus, he’s — he likes dancing and partying and sex, and you — you don’t, and any relationship like that… it wouldn’t really work out, long-term, you know?” She glanced up at him, comfortingly. 

She was trying to be kind, to tell him that he shouldn’t feel bad because their love had only ever been temporary, lasting only until Magnus grew bored and needed somebody more interesting. She wasn’t wrong, but the words still cut like knives. Alec had hoped their love had been stronger than that, hoped Magnus loved him because of their differences not in spite of them. He knew those hopes had been foolish, but it hurt to know that she’d always thought their relationship doomed — that she’d always known he could never be enough. It hurt more than he’d thought he could hurt, anymore. 

Jace sat down on Alec’s other side, putting an arm around his shoulders to echo Izzy. The two of them had little practice in comforting Alec; he was their older brother, he was supposed to comfort them, and their attempts left Alec’s heart as aching and empty as before. 

He wanted Magnus to hold him, to comfort him, to whisper words of love in his ears, but Magnus wouldn’t want to be saddled with Alec’s heartache, even if he’d been in New York. As it was, Magnus was at the Spiral Labyrinth — unless, Alec realised with an unpleasant lurch, he wasn’t. 

All the time Magnus had been spending working on his new invention. The two or three days he’d be away for the Council meeting. Had that been a lie, too? Had Magnus spent all that time with his other lover, with whoever it was he’d found to fill the gaps that Alec couldn’t? Was he off somewhere with them, enjoying the break from Alec’s presence—

He wrenched his thoughts away, back to the present moment. The topic had changed while he’d been off in his own head; Jace was speaking. “I knew he was a bit of a playboy, but I thought maybe his reputation was unwarranted. I should’ve guessed he’d cheat.”

It was clear who Jace meant by “him”. “Don’t say that,” Alec said tiredly. 

“Why not?” Jace was standing again, fists clenched, righteous fury on his face. 

“He’s not at fault here,” Alec tried to explain. 

“He cheated on you,” Jace hissed. “I thought he’d at least have the courage to say it to your face.”

Alec pushed down the ache at the realisation that Jace, too, had always expected their relationship to end in heartbreak. “He’s trying to be kind, Jace.” 

“I don’t see how,” Jace said mutinously. 

“You don’t need to,” Alec snapped. “Don’t cause an incident by attacking or insulting him. That’s an order from your Head.”

Jace subsided with a sigh, but Alec was already climbing to his feet, shaking off Izzy’s touch. He’d planned to train; that was productive, that would help him get his head back on straight and bury the pointless heartache. Listening to his siblings’ attempts at comfort wasn’t helping anything. 

~

Training didn’t help. 

It had always been Alec’s reprieve, the way to beat back the demons in his mind that made confusion rise and blocked out clear thought. Physical pain pushed away mental pain; that had been the way Alec had lived for two decades. 

But then he’d met Magnus, and Magnus had showed him another way — had helped him deal with the ache rather than shoving it down, helped him loosen the knot in his chest in his stomach in his head rather than tightening it and pushing it away. 

He couldn’t push away this. 

Idiot, he told himself, weak, desperate, needy. But none of it helped, none of it allowed him to strengthen himself against the ache. He was falling apart and he couldn’t hold himself together. He was falling apart for no reason because he should have known all this anyway, but the confirmation had somehow shattered him into useless bits and pieces that couldn’t cohere into rational thought. 

Every time his fists landed on the punching bag, every time he released an arrow at a target, the broken bits of him fell apart further, rather than compacting together again. He was brittle and he was cracking under pressure rather than merging into something stronger. 

He stopped before blood welled on his hands, because that would only make him think of Magnus, and thinking of Magnus was why he was falling apart in the first place. 

~

Alec didn’t sleep that night, but spent the time struggling to focus, struggling to hold in his hurt. Rather than working, he ended up thinking, and that was unproductive but inevitable. 

What should he do, when Magnus returned? Tell him that he knew? Offer to divorce him? Pretend nothing had happened? 

Magnus wasn’t at fault here, and he didn’t deserve to be hurt because Alec had been foolish enough to think they could have a future together. Alec didn’t want to confront him, to be angry; there was nothing to be angry about, nobody to rage at but his own stupid self. Stupid, stupid, stupid… 

He couldn’t pretend nothing had happened. It was weak and unworthy of him, but he couldn’t bear to look at Magnus and imagine that Magnus wanted him and only him when he knew that was false. If he did that, he’d be able to convince himself that nothing had happened, perhaps hours of letting himself believe the lie, and he couldn’t bear to have his dreams shattered again. He couldn’t. 

Which meant he had to tell Magnus that he knew, as soon as Magnus got back. Magnus hadn’t divorced him, hadn’t said anything about wanting to divorce him; he might still want Alec, although he wanted more than that as well. If Magnus wanted Alec to stay, Alec would stay, and he would go on loving Magnus with all that he was regardless of what Magnus did. 

Or, if Magnus was really just waiting for a chance to leave Alec, then Alec would let him leave, let him find somebody who deserved the gift of his love. 

Either way, Alec would need to learn to live with the pain. 

~

The whole Institute knew something was wrong, but Alec had asked Izzy and Jace not to talk about it, and he trusted they’d do as he asked. Nobody needed to know what was going on; they’d misunderstand the situation, like Jace had, try to blame Magnus for something that wasn’t his fault. 

So Alec did his best to pretend that nothing was wrong. (Nothing was wrong; this was only a reminder of what he should have known, he told himself, again and again and again.) He’d lived for years without Magnus in his life; this wasn’t any worse than that. 

Except that it was worse, because he hadn’t known what he’d been missing, and now that knowledge sat inside of him like a dream of light that he could never touch. 

Alec pushed the thought away. He had only a day or two until Magnus returned; he needed to pull himself into the shape of a functioning human being by then. 

He still hadn’t succeeded when, in the afternoon of the next day, his phone chimed with Magnus’ text tone. 

Magnus <3: i have returned from the hell that is a meeting with millenia-old warlocks !!! 🎉🎉🎉

Magnus <3: i am starved of your presence and require kisses 😘😘😘

Alec stared down at the incongruously cheerful, loving text, and willed himself to stay calm. He needed to talk to Magnus; sooner was better than later. 

Alec: omw

~

The door of the loft swung open at his approach as it always did, and Alec somehow managed to summon a smile as he stepped through it into the familiar surroundings of the loft. 

Magnus was waiting for him with a beam, and Alec found himself immediately pulled into a tight hug. For a moment, he breathed in Magnus’ familiar scent, let himself relax in Magnus’ arms as he hadn’t in days. 

But then Magnus pulled back, a frown appearing on his face. “Alec? Is something wrong?”

Of course he’d noticed — he always noticed when Alec was upset, even when Alec tried to hide it. 

Alec opened his mouth, then closed it, hesitating, and Magnus made a soft, worried noise; Alec realised that he was crying again, tears welling up and rolling down his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, before Magnus could ask what was wrong again in that voice that sounded like he cared. “I’m sorry I’m not enough for you, I’m sorry for always being so boring, I’m sorry for making you do boring stuff too.” Magnus was shaking his head, about to say something else, but Alec cut him off through the stream of tears that blurred Magnus’ face. “I’m — I know I’m not enough for you, I’m so sorry for that, I’m sorry for — for being so upset, I know I shouldn’t be—”

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed, voice desperate, eyes flicking worriedly over Alec’s face, “Alexander, you’re always enough for me, I don’t understand—”

“Izzy and Jace heard you having sex with somebody else while I was at the Institute,” Alec said, trying to keep his voice steady. It cracked anyway, and he had to choke back a sob so that he could go on. “And I don’t — I get that I’m not enough for you, I know that, it’s okay, I’m sorry for crying all over you, I didn’t mean to, I just—”

“Alec—”

“I was just upset for no reason, but it’s fine, I know I’m not enough for you, you deserve better, if you’re getting that from whoever they are then I’m fine with that, I swear, I understand, it makes sense, I’m not going to force you to let go of them if you don’t want to—”

“Alexander,” Magnus said, eyes wide but firmness in his tone. “I would never, have never, and will never cheat on you. Ever.” 

“But they — they said they heard you, the morning you left for the Spiral Labyrinth—”

Magnus frowned, brow creasing for a moment, and then it cleared. “Alec, I was working on the potion. They must’ve overheard me and misinterpreted it. I swear, Alec, I would never do that to you.”

“Oh,” Alec said, and then the tears poured faster down his face in mixed relief and terror and lingering heartache and he was sobbing into Magnus’ shirt, arms wrapped around his husband, holding him as close as he could because even if Magnus did eventually get tired of Alec, he hadn’t done so yet. Not yet. He hadn’t cheated, hadn’t needed somebody else. 

Magnus’ arms were wrapped around him, and he was guiding the two of them to the couch, curling protectively around Alec as Alec cried on his shoulder, ugly and messy and desperate. 

“I’m right here,” Magnus murmured. “I’m not leaving you, I’m never leaving you, sayang, not ever, I promise. I love you, Alexander. You’re enough for me, you’re always enough, you’re all I ever need, love.” The reassurances washed over Alec in waves of warmth and comfort, and he kept his hands fisted in Magnus’ shirt, clinging too tightly but Magnus didn’t seem to mind. 

~

He cried himself out, eventually, buried in Magnus’ arms, and he was only vaguely aware of Magnus carrying him into their bed. He fell asleep like that, still holding Magnus like a lifeline, and if Magnus left while he was asleep, he came back and resumed the same position before Alec awoke. 

Alec’s throat was dry and scratchy, and one night of sleep couldn’t cancel out the thirty-six sleepless hours he’d spent beforehand, but Magnus was holding him like he was the most important thing in the world to him, and nothing else really mattered. He nuzzled in even closer to Magnus, losing himself in the light of his presence and the warmth of his hold. 

“Sayang,” Magnus murmured, fingers moving to run through Alec’s hair. “You’re awake?”

Alec hummed in response. 

“We do need to talk about this, love,” Magnus said quietly. 

That was unfortunate. Alec blinked open his eyes to meet Magnus’ unglamoured ones. “Do we have to? I was wrong, I was an idiot, but everything’s fine now.”

“Is it?” Magnus asked, meeting his eyes. “When you thought I was cheating, your reaction was to apologise for not being enough for me.” 

Alec looked away first. “It’s fine. You’re not cheating on me, so it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” Magnus said, running his fingers through Alec’s hair. “You need to understand, Alexander, that I am not going to get tired of you, or leave you, or think you’re not enough. Not ever, love. You are all I want.”

“I…” Alec trailed off, caught between denial and a longing for the promise in those words, the oath on Magnus’ tongue. “I can’t ask you to promise that,” he said weakly. 

“You can,” Magnus told him. “You can. Ask me, love.” 

“Promise me,” Alec blurted out, the words tumbling past his lips. “Promise me you’ll stay, Magnus, promise me, I couldn’t bear it if you—”

Magnus kissed him, his lips, his cheeks, his forehead. “I’ll stay, sayang. I’ll stay as long as you want me, because I’ll never stop wanting you, I’ll never need more than you. I’ll stay.” 

Alec wrapped his arms around him with a half-sob and pulled him closer, trying to breathe through the love rising in him, because he could hear the certainty ringing in Magnus’ voice, the love he didn’t deserve but had received. He might not understand why Magnus loved him, but Magnus did love him, and that was everything. 

~

Magnus held Alec as he drifted off to sleep again, running his fingers through his husband’s hair soothingly. 

Anger was burning under his skin at everyone who’d hurt Alec: his parents, who’d first told him he wasn’t perfect exactly as he was; his siblings, who’d supported the lesson, and then told Alec about Magnus’ supposed cheating rather than confronting Magnus himself about it. He would certainly be having a conversation with them — Magnus might have been more generous with them, but Alec had spent two days convinced Magnus didn’t love him above all else, and then he’d spent hours sobbing into Magnus’ chest from the pent-up heartbreak of it all. 

But talking to Alec’s siblings could wait, because Izzy and Jace were far from the most important thing. 

All that mattered right then was holding Alec close until the terrible pain faded from his features and he could properly believe in Magnus’ love.

[randomshyperson]

The Scarlet Witch Prophecy - The Second Year

Series Masterlist ||  Read on AO3

Summary: As the youngest daughter of Howard Stark, you have ordinary expectations for your years at Hogwarts. Little do you know what adventures await you when your destiny is intertwined with the legendary Scarlet Witch.

Warnings: +16. Adaptation of the Harry Potter Saga, Magical Thematic, Prophecies, Mentions of Violence, Torture and dark magic, Language (swearing and minor/major offenses), manipulation of will, Underage kissing, insinuation of smut with minors, Smut (overage), descriptions of death, aggression, obscurity, angst, fluffy, soulmates analogies.

Tag list ( let me know if you want to be tagged or removed idk haha) @mionemymind​ / @abimess​ / @stephanieromanoff​ / @yourtaletotell​ / @tomy5girls​ / @justagaypanicking​ / @thegayw1tch​ / @idek-5​ // @myperfectlovepoem​ // @helloalycia​ // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @imapotatao​ / @aimezvousbrahms​/ @ensorcellme​/ @helloalycia​

//-//

You missed the train in your second year.

You and Tony overslept after staying up late watching a television series, and Jarvis mentioned that he had to pick up some packages from your father at the Ministry of Magic, so he wasn't home to wake you up or take you two to the station.

It was already half past eleven when you both woke up.

"You lost your mind." You said to your brother as you watched him put your school luggage into the trunk of the muggle car your father had bewitched. Tony laughed, ignoring your protests.

"We can drive there, and then I'll charm the car to come back. No one will know."

"We could wait for Jarvis to come back too." You retort but Tony denies it.

"Jarvis will be at Mystery all day, you know how bureaucratic these orders from daddy are." He argues. "Come on, it'll be all right."

Things were not all right.

Tony couldn't control the car after you guys arrived on the Hogwarts grounds, since the magical barrier destabilized the entire muggle structure of the vehicle.

"That shouldn't happen." He grumbled as the car began to vibrate and its image became almost frosted before it returned to normal. 

"Tony, we're falling." You said, and your brother tried to pull the steering up, but the car did not obey.

A loud noise later, and you two landed hard against a tall tree. The Whomping Willow.

"I should have known that the Starks would think they can do anything in this school." Said Professor Erik Lehnsherr as soon as you were rescued from the top of the Willow, and taken to Principal Harkness' office.

"We're sorry, Professor Lehnsherr" You asked while your brother just clenched his jaw at the provocation. You nudged him in the ribs and he crossed his arms, apologizing afterwards.

"Sorry I'm late Erik, we're having some problems in the greenhouses" Principal Harkness said as she entered the room, she smiled at you and your brother, her posture was friendly and good humored, very different from the other man in front of you. "What was the immeasurable problem that you mentioned?" she scoffed lightly and Erik cleared his throat before speaking.

"The Stark siblings arrived at the castle in a magically enchanted muggle car, Headmistress." He narrated and Agatha blinked in surprise. "They broke at least three hundred laws of the institute of International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy, and on top of that, they caused the damage to the Whomping Willow, which has been at the school since before they were born!"

"Wow, that's pretty serious." Commented the teacher, and Erik frowns in surprise at her tone. "Tell me, what spell did you use?"

Tony blinked in confusion, the principal was not angry. She was just curious. Before he could answer, however, Professor Erik let out an exclamation.

"Agatha, they broke the law and..."

"Are you the principal, Erik?"

"I... No, but..."

"That's what I thought." She interrupts with a sharp smile. "Give them some punishment, I don't know, a month's detention, those things we do here."

"Agatha, I think..."

"That's all, Erik, thank you."

Professor Lehnsherr looked as shocked as you. The principal waved with a smile at you as you left the room in company with the professor.

"Starting tomorrow, boy, you will be in detention with me every day." Announced Erik sternly to his brother. "And you, girl, I will discuss the conditions of your punishment with the head of your house and you can be sure I will tell him everything that happened in that garden." 

You and Tony swallowed dryly, intimidated by the menacing posture of the adult in front of you.

"To your dorms immediately." He ordered, and you walked side by side to the stairwell.

//-//

"I can't believe you did that!" Gamora impressedly remarked as soon as you joined her at the Slytherin table the next day, Nebula and Mantis by her side.

"Everyone is talking about it now." Nebula added as she ate some cereal. You felt your cheeks heat up as you looked around. There really were curious looks being cast at you.

"It was an accident." You said. "The car wasn't supposed to break down."

"It was dangerous and irresponsible." Rebutted Nebula without looking at you. "Typically Gryffindor, so my opinion is that you are walking around with Quill too much."

You rolled your eyes, laughing lightly.

"Hey, soon I'm going to start thinking you're from Slytherin, punk." Announced Tony as he approached the table, Steve and Bucky behind them. 

"You wish." You teased lightly. Noticing the quidditch uniforms, you bit the inside of your cheek. "Do you have practice now?"

"No, we' re just going to play a little bit." He says. "There's really nothing to improve here."

Steve and Bucky laugh at Tony's cocky statement, and you roll your eyes, smiling a little.

"You're so full of yourself, aren't you, Tony?" Steve says afterwards.

" That''s just facts." He retorts, reaching out to steal one of your toasts. "See you later, kid."

After they leave, Gamora looks at you.

"Did you tell him you're going to try out for the team?"

"No." You reply with a chuckle. "I want it to be a surprise."

//-//

The following week, tryouts for the quidditch team were being held at the stadium, and all the team captains, including the Flight teacher, James Rhodes, were present. 

He arranged the students in rows, and when Steve Rogers saw you he smiled encouragingly, waving. Tony walked over to you, equally excited.

"Pesty, why didn't you tell me you were going to take the test?" He asked as he hugged you quickly, and you felt your cheeks heat up as your classmates looked at you two with curiosity.

"It was a surprise." You retorted smiling and Tony messed up your hair before walking back with the other captains.

"We'll start with trios among everyone, and then separate you by houses." Announced Professor Rhodes with a smile. "Good luck everyone."

Your first trio were two students from Gryffindor that you didn't know. You would have liked to have taken the test with Peter, but he took the test with Pietro Maximoff, who had a wicked grin on his face, and almost knocked Peter off his broomstick when they were flying together. You grimaced angrily, and Wanda Maximoff glared back at you, as if daring you to do something against her brother. You rolled your eyes, and tried to pay attention to your own test. 

"Hey, could you try to stop that bludger for me to throw?" Asked the short boy who was from the trio you were facing. He was from Hufflepuff, and his name was Peter Parker, but you actually never met him, and you only knew his name because the blond Ravenclaw girl in the stands was cheering him on.

"Sure, i got it." You said waiting for the bludger to arrive. You blinked in surprise when the object changed course in the air. The bludger wasn't going to mess up your test, or hit any of your friends, but on that course, it was going to hit Pietro right in the back. You sighed, hesitating. Then you shouted, "Yoy, Maximoff, look out!"

Pietro blinked in surprise at your warning, and managed to duck at the last second. You didn't look at him again.

Next, your partner was Peter Quill, thank goodness. He smiled charmingly at you riding beside him, and you nudged him slightly.

You were going up against two other students who looked older, but neither you nor Peter were intimidated.

"Come on brat, you don't want to embarrass your brother, do you?" taunted one of the boys as you prepared to hit back the bludger coming from Pietro's direction. You barely thought about it, and shot back, hitting the boy who had provoked you right in the chest.

He let out a sharp exclamation of pain, and fell backward. You blinked in fright, and dove in with the broom, grabbing him by the cape just moments before he hit the ground. You let go of him next, the boy had a pained expression as he massaged your chest. But he looked annoyed at you next.

"Pay attention to your surroundings." Said someone next to you. You looked up to notice Professor Rhodes looking at the two of you seriously. You swallowed dryly, flying away afterwards.

You made it to the Hufflepuff team. Your brother smiled contentedly, waving to you as he greeted Wanda, who also made the Slytherin team.

After the Quidditch tryouts, you had a few classes, and then your first detention.

You were going to help the elves with the castle services, and were almost glad to know that you didn't get the same detention as Tony: cleaning the greenhouse.

In the second week, one of the elves asked you to seek a special concoction from Professor Lehnsherr, so you walked to the potions room.

"I am so disappointed with you, girl." You heard a male voice say from inside the room, the door ajar. For some reason, you hesitated to enter. "I told you before, you can't lose control. That puts everything at risk."

"I'm sorry, papa." Mumbled a female voice, almost tearful. "It won't happen again."

You raised your hand to knock, not wanting to be nosy. But the door opened in front of you. Professor Erik Lehnsherr had his hand outstretched in the air, and you swallowed dryly, feeling your cheeks flush.

"What do you want?" he asked angrily and you shifted your weight between your feet, recognizing Wanda in the room. 

"S-sorry to interrupt professor." You said. "I am looking for the cleansing potion for the elves. You know, for my detention."

Erik let out an impatient sigh.

"Maximoff, you can go." He said to Wanda. She nodded, ducking her head as she turned around. She glanced quickly at you as she left, but looked away when you stared back at her.

You left the room several minutes later. A package with several potions in it lay on your arm.

Whistling softly, you tried not to be intimidated by the dank, dimly lit corridors of the dungeon, but you were quite disturbed when you heard a noise.

You bit your lip, deciding if it was worth investigating. Leaving the package in the corner of the hallway, you drew your wand, walking toward the metallic sound.

As you turned the corner, you froze. A few meters ahead of you in the hallway was a troll. Metal chains on its hands and feet, the sound of them echoing down the hall.

But he was quiet, practically motionless. His reddened eyes sent shivers through your body.

You looked down and gasped.

Wanda had her arms raised in the air, and you saw her standing behind the creature, red magic escaping from her hands.

"W-what?" you found yourself whispering in confusion and then the monster's eyes flashed and he roared, the sound echoing loudly in the halls.

Wanda fell to her knees next, her hands returning to normal. You moved as the monster reacted again, enraged.

He was slow, so you dodged his attack easily, turning around. Before you could cast any spells however, there was a magic field around the monster.

"Return to your dormitories immediately, girls." Ordered Professor Lehnsherr with his wand raised. "I will control the creature." He was facing the troll, focused on his containment spell. You were annoyed because he didn't even look at his daughter.

You ran to Wanda, helping her to her feet. She blushed at the gesture, then thanked you. You took one last look at the monster before walking out into the hall.

"Hey, are you okay?" You asked once you and Wanda were alone.

"Yes, I... "She started and then widened her eyes, turning to you and pushing you by the shoulders. "You can't tell anyone what you saw!"

You frowned in confusion.

"Easy, there!" You exclaimed pushing her hands away, "You don't have to hit me."

Wanda sighed, running her hands through her hair.

"Just...please don't say anything to anyone." She ordered, in a much calmer tone now. 

"Merlin, it's okay." You retorted putting your hands in your pockets. "I don't understand why you don't want to tell something this cool, but okay."

Wanda blinks in surprise.

"Cool?"

You smile shrugging your shoulders.

"Sure. You did magic without a wand, that's amazing."

Wanda looks after you for a moment, her cheeks reddening.

"Don't you think it's scary?" She asks and you frown.

"What, of course not!" you assure her. "You can make as many pranks as you want and no one will ever prove you did it." 

Wanda smiles shyly at your joke, and then looks away.

"I promise I won't say anything, Wanda." You tell her and she sighs, nodding.

"Do you have any idea where the troll came from?

"No." She says. "I was walking back to my dorm, and I ran into him. There was no one else in the hallway." 

You make an understanding noise with your mouth, not quite understanding how the creature escaped from the castle dungeons.

You walk in silence to the corridor leading to the Slytherin dormitory.

"Well, here we are... I'll see you tomorrow" You say half-heartedly. Wanda smiles as she waves goodbye and you walk back to your common room.

None of you notice the figure hidden between the shadows and the purple light around the walls.

//-//

You begin to notice new things after your short conversation with Wanda.

The way the students at school talk about her is one of these things.

In a single day, you hear at least ten cruel comments about how quiet, mysterious and scary Wanda was. A lot of people at school thought that she and Pietro were some kind of evil twins, because nobody ever saw their mother, and there were rumors that maybe Professor Erik Lehnsherr had made them in one of his cauldrons. 

You didn't tell your friends what you saw that day, but you tried to bring up on the rumors you heard, and Gamora let out a giggle.

"People make a lot of things up here" she said while you were in pairs in Herbology class. "As far as I know, the Maximoff's mother is a muggle and that's why so many people in our house treat her that way."

You couldn't tell why these things were bothering you, since Wanda wasn't even your friend, but you guessed it was because you had always learned to hate the whole blood purity thing, since your father was a pureblood, but he married a muggle, and suffered a lot of hatred from the witch community that called him a blood traitor for years. You had a certain natural sympathy for Wanda now.

When Halloween came around, you ate too much candy, and your stomach hurt. All your friends were the same, and you decided to bet on a ghost race, a mixture of catch one, catch all and hide-and-seek through the castles.

You were being the ghost when you saw Peter Quill sneaking down one of the corridors, and you rushed to follow him, but then you heard a whistle, and you stumbled to hide quickly, and ended up falling on someone.

"Sor-Wanda!" You started to apologize but when you realized who you had bumped into, you exclaimed the witch's name awkwardly. "S- sorry" You hurried to say, feeling your face flush when you noticed her gaze on you. You stood up quickly, reaching out your hand to help her up. "Everything okay?"

"S-sure." She said smiling, and then she looked down. Your hands were still together and you quickly let go as soon as you noticed, feeling your face heat up.

"Err... you didn't see a Gryffindor boy walking by here did you?" You asked trying to lighten the mood, and looking around."I'm playing Ghost Race."

"This is a children game." She teased with a smile and you looked at her in surprise, blushing even more.

"I... I’m...."

"I'm just messing with you." 

"Oh, right." You sigh laughing lightly as Wanda follows you. The sound of her laughter makes your stomach turn, and you don't understand why, so you clear your throat and say you needed to get back to your friends.

"See you around, Hufflepuff." She says as she says goodbye. You try to focus on finding Peter after that.

//-//

Quidditch is as fun as it is stressful.

You eventually discover that Steve Rogers was extremely competitive when playing against your brother.

Slytherin's game with Hufflepuff was scheduled in three weeks, and he was already making the whole team practice the rehearsed plays daily.

After another exhausting practice, you sighed as you flew toward the empty bleachers, four seats occupied only by your friends.

"Do you have to chew so loudly?" Complained Nebula to Peter Quill as he ate a piece of apple pie that he probably saved from lunch. The boy made a face, shrugging.

"I can't wait until we can go to Hogsmeade." Gamora commented a moment later. "We saw the third year kids go out last weekend, when you were playing explosive snap with all those older gang."

You smiled as you took off your Quidditch gloves.

"That "gang" are Tony's friends, Gamora." You explained and the girl shrugged, looking almost jealous that you had other friends, making you smile.

"That Romanoff is scary." Mantis added and your friends nodded, making you laugh.

"Natasha may seem threatening when you first meet her, but I assure you she is a sweetheart." You hit back and then steal one of the mini apple pies that Quill brought. "By the way, I wanted to invite you guys over for Christmas. Tony is calling all his friends."

Mantis and Quill seem excited about the invitation, but Nebula and Gamora exchange a look.

"Look, I'm happy with the invitation, I really am." Gamora began. "But we can't accept it."

You look at them with confusion, finding it amusing in the seriousness.

"Why not, girls?"

"It's just... Your family..." Gamora mumbles trying to find the right words.

"They are blood traitors." Nebula adds seriously. Quill and Mantis both widen their eyes, and Gamora lowers her gaze in shame. You feel your stomach turn in irritation.

"I beg your pardon?" you retort angrily, but Gamora puts her hand on her sister's forearm, asking her to shut up.

"We like you, Y/N, you are our friend." She says. "But our father, he would never allow us to go to Howard Stark's house, not after what he did."

You let out a short laugh.

"And what exactly he did?" you retort, already gathering your gloves and broom from the bench. "What a horrible crime to fall in love with someone isn't it?"

"Please, we didn't mean to upset you..." Gamora starts but you huff in irritation, riding the broom.

"I can't believe you were thinking that about me and my family all this time." You interrupted angrily, shaking your head in disbelief. You flew away the next moment, toward the ground, intending to return to the castle.

//-//

You hadn't talked to Gamora and Nebula for a week. It was weird eating at the Hufflepuff table again, but at least Mantis and Groot kept you company. Quill seemed torn about choosing a side, but you teased him that he could stay with his girlfriend without thinking that you would no longer be friends, and he turned red as he walked over to the Slytherin table for coffee.

At the weekend, the quarterfinal game of the Quidditch championship took place, and you could barely eat properly at breakfast in anticipation.

Mantis wasn't much into quidditch, but she dressed in your house colors and knitted a little yellow sweater for Groot as well.

"Ready to play with me, kid?" Teased Tony as soon as you stepped onto the field, the Slytherin team on the opposite side. You smiled confidently, nodding.

"Attention, players, I want a fair game." Warned Professor Rhodes, who was also the judge of the match. "Mount your brooms and ascend into the air please."

In the air, your gaze met Wanda's, and you smiled slightly, but she just glanced away, appearing upset. You didn't understand why, but you didn't really have time to ask.

And then the whistle for the start of the match sounded.

Being a beater was especially tricky on cloudy days, because you couldn't see the ball clearly with the dark background of the sky, but you had enchanted your glasses before you set up, so you were doing a decent job.

It was during the second half match that you almost died.

Loki Odinson was the seeker, and he was almost reaching for the golden snitch when you looked at him. Your job as a beater was to keep the bludger away from your teammates, and to precisely prevent Loki from catching the snitch. You aimed the bludger at Loki's broomstick, to destabilize him, and it worked. But he didn't take it very well. 

Flying toward Erik Killmonger, the Slytherin beater, he grabbed the stick out of the boy's hand, and glared at you angrily before firing the incoming bludger right at you.

You managed to dodge it for a second, frowning as you looked back at Loki. But he had a mean look on his face, and before you could understand what happened, something hit you hard in the head, and you fell off the broom.

As you fell, your eyes grew heavy, and the last thing you saw were emerald eyes, accompanied by Tony's scream.

//-//

Your head hurt a lot when you woke up in the nurse's office.

Healer Cho smiled gently at you when she gave you some water as soon as she noticed that you had woken up.

And then you noticed the other curious faces around you.

"Will she get a cool scar?" Quill asked excitedly only for Gamora to slap his arm next. 

You fiddled uncomfortably with the bandage on your head. Tony looked at you worriedly.

"Damn it, don't ever do something like that again." He complained and you looked at him with confusion.

"It was your mate who shot the ball at me." You retorted and he sighed.

"Yeah, Loki is an idiot." He retorted angrily. "If Thor hadn't interfered, I would have broken his nose."

Then you found out that as soon as you fell, the game was stopped and everyone went down to the field. Tony tried to fight with Loki, but Thor stopped him, and all the teams almost started beating each other. You were taken to the nurse, and Professor Rhodes disqualified the Slytherin because Loki used non-verbal magic to bewitch the bludger to attack you. Even though you were angry, you were impressed that a twelve year old boy could do such advanced magic.

"Good thing Wanda reached you before you fell." Tony added after telling all. You felt your face heat up, and Gamora noticed and looked at you curiously. You decided to change the subject quickly.

"What are you two doing here anyway?" You asked snidely looking at them. "Since when do the health of blood traitors matter to you?"

Tony blinks in confusion, but Gamora takes a step to the side of your bed.

"We wanted to apologize for that." She says. "Our father is the one who thinks those things, okay? You're our friend, and we don't think that of you. Or your family"

You looked away from Gamora to her sister. Nebula nodded in agreement a moment later, and you bit one inside cheek before sighing.

"Right." You said trying to smile. "Can I go back to eating with you two then?"

Gamora laughed, agreeing. When you tried to laugh, your head hurt and your exclamation of pain attracted Tony's attention.

"You know what, I forbid you to play Quidditch forever."

"Shut up, you idiot." You retort, smiling.

//-//

Thanos won't let Gamora and Nebula spend Christmas with you, but that's okay. You ask Iron to deliver the gifts to her house with the pseudonym "Apple Pie" in the name, and received their response in thanks a few days later.

All of Tony's friends come to your house during the holiday.

Bucky goes on a joke saying that his brother spread all those mistletoes around to get some action, but you don't understand what he means.

There is a new kid named Sam Wilson in your brother's group of friends, and he becomes one of your favorite people quickly. He is very funny, and makes everyone laugh during dinner.

Quill almost knocks the tree to the ground when Bucky agrees to charm his shoes to fly, and everyone laughs when he gets hung up on the decorations. 

Your father arrives just before you cut up the turkey.

He is covered in soot, and looks exhausted. But he smiles and kisses you and Tony on the forehead, saying he will clean himself up before joining you.

"Can the little guy eat food?" Howard asks when Groot walks around the table. Mantis seems shy about explaining anything to your father, making you chuckle.

During the gift exchange, you giggle when Tony and Bucky start playing wrestling and Bucky miscalculates the punch time and hits your brother in the nose, who behaves like a crying baby, even though he has no mark on his face.

You fall asleep with a smile on your face on the carpet in the living room next to all your friends. 

Without having any clue about the worried look your father exchanges with Jarvis a moment after everyone falls asleep in the living room.

//-//

When you return to Hogwarts, there are many new announcements on the bulletin board that catch your attention.

You are not sure if you will really have the time, but decide to sign up for the dueling club with your friends.

This is how you end up in the main hall after the last potions period. The wooden tables had disappeared, and in the center you would find a large golden stage. Professor Stephen Strange was beckoning students to spread out across the room when you arrived.

"Come on dear, come closer" Professor Stephen asked the crowd, standing on the stage. "Can you all see and hear me? Good."

Professor Stephen spent the next five minutes explaining that the club was back in activity after some teachers had talked with Principal Harkness, and also spoke about the basic rules for participating and dueling correctly. Soon the students were all divided into pairs. As the crowd organized itself, you noticed the Maximoff brothers in the back of the room, and you looked away quickly when Gamora, who was your partner, caught you staring.

"Let's practice the disarm spell." Announced Stephen next.

It was easy because you already knew. Your father, in the few moments he was home, taught defensive magic to you and Tony. Spells were not your brother's strong suit, but he didn't mind helping you practice.

Gamora smiled impressed when you approached her to demonstrate correctly how to make the movement with the wand.

Your colleagues, however, didn't seem to be making much progress, so the teacher interrupted their practice with a whistle.

"I will demonstrate how to use the disarm spell correctly." He says as he takes the stage again. You exchange a look with Gamora when by your proximity, you hear him mutter that if the students paid attention to his lessons they would know how to duel correctly. "Please, Erik, could you assist me with this lesson?"

Professor Lehnsherr had been quiet throughout the practice, watching the students from afar. He did not smile as he walked on stage, his silver wand in his hand.

"Pay attention, please." Strange asked noticing the buzz that arose as soon as Erik took the stage. "Thank you, Erik."

The two professors got into a dueling position, and then Professor Stephen made a motion with his wand. A white glow escaped through the air towards the other man, but Erik made a quick movement with his own wand, and it was as if he absorbed the spell. You recognized the blocking spell easily.

"It is important that you know how to defend spells during a duel." Professor Stephen then spoke, smiling quickly at Erik, who did not reciprocate. "That could save your lives in a situation where you don't know which spell has been cast on you.

"It might be wise to teach the students some counter attack spells, Professor Strange." Added Erik with a slight challenge in his voice. Professor Strange didn't seem to mind however, smiling at the crowd.

"Great idea, Erik!" he said putting away his wand. "I need two volunteers, please."

A lot of people raised their hands, making Strange give a chuckle.

"I think it's best to choose students who won't turn the other one into a frog during the duel, professor." Lehnsherr commented bitterly, and Stephen sighed, running his gaze around. He smiled when he looked at you.

"Stark, would you like to join in?"  He asked gently, and you felt your cheeks flush as all eyes in the room went to you. Nodding shyly, you stepped onto the stage. "Who could your opponent be..."

"May I suggest someone from my own house, professor?" Interrupted Erik next, and without waiting for an answer, he turned around, "Wanda, come up here please."

The crowd erupted in hubbub as soon as the words echoed in the hall. But Wanda didn't hesitate, rushing to obey. You swallowed dryly, stepping forward.

"Great girls, let's start then." Said Professor Stephen smiling standing between you and Wanda. You didn't understand why she was looking at you so seriously. "Let's try the finite Incantatem, shall we?"

You and Wanda nod in agreement and the professor smiles, patting you two on the back to get you moving.

When you reach the dueling position, you raise your wand and wait for the teacher's order.

Wanda attacks first when he signals. And you just defend, which makes Professor Stephen give a little smile.

"Stark, remember to counter attack instead of defend, okay?" He asks and you nod, ignoring the stares at you. Wanda has a neutral expression as you get into a dueling position again.

A bright red spell comes at you as Wanda attacks again, and you have a second to think about fighting back, but hesitate, blocking it again. The crowd lets out a chorus of disappointment. 

Professor Stephen looks ready to say something, but it is Erik's voice that fills the room.

"The Stark girl is clearly hesitating to fight back the spell, Professor Strange." He says, and you feel your cheeks heat up, looking down at the floor. "Perhaps she should try to attack Wanda first instead."

Stephen exchanges a look with the other professor, and then turns his head toward you.

"Is it okay if we do it this way, Stark?"

You glance at Wanda quickly before nodding, feeling very nervous all of a sudden. "Let's get started then."

Raising your wand again, you take a deep breath. Wanda also gets into a dueling position, her eyes watching your movements. You swallow dryly, and think of the least offensive spell you know. And you say the words.

Nothing happens. 

Your wand lets out a small golden sparkle, and you frown in confusion. Some of your classmates laugh, believing that you have failed to cast a simple spell, and you feel your face heat up.

"I..." You start to say, wanting to apologize.

Professor Lehnsherr steps forward next to his daughter, looking at you curiously, but his tone is severe when he says.

"Again."

You ignore the stares and try again. It doesn't work. Your wand simply doesn't obey you. Feeling frustrated, you repeat the spell again. And again, louder this time. Your classmates seem as curious as you are.

Professor Erik moves around the stage, stopping a few feet in front of you.

"Try it against me now."

"Professor, I don't..."

"Now."

You swallow dryly, and aim in his direction. Ignoring the tremor in your hands, you repeat the same incantation. The magic immediately escapes, the golden glow rushes forward. Erik blocks it masterfully. A mixed look of curiosity and displeasure.

You immediately lower your wand when he takes two steps toward you.

"I don't know what happened, professor." You begin to explain quickly. "I don't..."

"Erik." Warns Professor Strange placing himself in front of you. All eyes on the three of you. Professor Lehnsherr forces a smile, which brings chills down your entire spine. 

"I'm just curious, Stephen." Said the other man, putting his wand away and raising his hand to smooth the professor's cloak in front of him. "Just innocent curiosity."

"Let's continue tomorrow night, please. " Professor Stephen announces in a loud voice afterwards. The students begin to move quickly in the hall. You want to ignore the feeling that everyone is talking about you as you come down from the stage. Your gaze immediately seeks Wanda, but she has her head down as she joins her brother, leaving the room quickly.

Gamora is very impressed when you join her.

//-//

"And then nothing came out of her wand!" Gamora told your friends impressed as soon as you were all together at breakfast.

You woke up feeling especially tired that morning, and were eating your cereal lazily.

"That's so weird." Nebula commented. "Do you have any idea why you can't bewitch Wanda?"

You deny it, eating a little. You got a lot of looks this morning, and you were getting pretty upset about the whole thing.

"Maybe it's because you like her." Gamora suggested a moment later, and you choked on your cereal.

After Mantis helped you, you took a deep breath, your cheeks flushed.

"Where did you get that from?" You asked annoyed. 

"I just meant that you seem to like her." She said with an insinuating smile. "Like a friend."

Gamora's tone clearly suggested something more, and you grumbled, turning your attention back to your cereal.

When your friends began to theorize about what the whole thing could possibly mean again, you stopped paying attention.

//-//

Tony laughed when you told him.

"I've never heard of anything like that, kid." He said as he took the scarf off his neck and threw himself on the couch in common room.

Technically, you couldn't be here. But it wasn't like people respected those rules anyway. 

You didn't come to the Slytherin common room much, because it was cold and empty, and Slytherin students weren't very welcoming to visitors. 

But Tony had many different classes than you, so you would only find him in the commons room by the end of the day. After you dismissed a free-flying session with Quill, you went to tell him what had happened at that morning.

"If you had joined the club, you would have seen it." You said straightening your position on the leather couch. Tony laughed.

"As if I was going to be a part of that." He scoffs. "I hate charms, you know that."

"You know it's one of the most important subjects, right?" you retort wryly, and Tony shrugs.

"I won't need that when I study Magic Mechanics with Dad."

You sigh, not wanting to talk about it again. Tony wanted to be like your father. A respected mechanical witch inventor. You didn't like the idea because it meant that Tony would be as absent as your father.

"Hey, why don't you try to figure something out in the reserved session?" He suggested next and you looked at him wryly.

"You're an example of a brother, you know that?" you teased making him laugh.

"Hey, if you're careful, no one will know you were there." He retorted and you sighed thoughtfully. "If you get caught, I'll say I dared you to do it."

"I doubt it." You retorted with a smile. 

Tony invites you to a game of wizard chess, but you tell him you need to get back to your dorm before some prefect comes to question you.

On the way out, you bump into someone who shouldn't be there either.

"Sorry." You say immediately, and Pietro looks at you curiously.

"Are you here to talk to Wanda?" He asks snidely, but although his tone is accusatory, his eyes are warm.

"What?" you reply confused, "No, I...I came to see my brother."

Pietro doesn't seem to believe you, crossing his arms.

"What's your deal with my sister, anyway?"

You frown in confusion.

"I don't know what you are talking about." You say uncomfortable with the conversation. 

Pietro stares at you for a few seconds, and then his expression lightens quickly and he smiles amiably.

"I'm just messing with you, kiddo." He mocks. "By the way, I never thanked you for that day at the Quidditch test. If you hadn't warned me, I wouldn't have made it as a seeker."

You blink in confusion and then smile awkwardly.

"No problem, Maximoff."

You nod in farewell, walking back toward the Hufflepuff dormitory, not noticing that Pietro continues to stare at you until you turn the corner.

//-//

The next morning, after your spell class is over, you tell Mantis to go ahead, because you want to talk to the professor.

"This is about the dueling club, isn't it Stark?" Professor Strange asks abruptly still with his back to you as he fiddles with his desk before you say anything. He turns around then, his expression slightly concerned. 

"I was just wondering if you have any idea why my magic didn't work, sir?" You say with your hands in your pockets. "Everyone at school is talking about it."

Stephen sighs, and he seems to hesitate about something. But then his expression softens, and he smiles.

"Don't worry about it so much, okay?" He says. "Maybe it's just the similarity of the core of your wands. If the material is the same, maybe your wands are sisters and won't harm each other."

You believe this for the first two seconds, but then frown.

"But Wanda was able to cast spells on me sir." You say and Stephen widens his eyes slightly, as if he has been caught lying. He clears his throat quickly, amiably smiling at you as he nudges you out of the room with him. 

"I'm sure there's a good explanation for this, but I don't have the answers right now, Miss Stark." He says and you have a frown as he is turning around, walking away down the hallway. "See you next class!"

You sigh, realizing that maybe your best chance to know what happened is Professor Erik.

//-//

Your next potions class isn't until midweek, so you try to do a little research in the library as Tony recommended you to do.

There is almost no material on magic connections in the library's common session, and you figure it's because it's an advanced and dangerous kind of magic.

"You know you could end up expelled if you try to take anything from the restricted session, right?" Gamora comments as you are sitting in the library, dozens of books around you as she helps you investigate. 

"I'll try for a permit first." You say with your face propped up in your hands. "If no teacher is going to tell me why this is happening, I'm going to have to figure it out on my own."

No teacher allows you into the restricted session. They justify that a second-year student has no reason to read such advanced magic, but you just feel that they all seem willing to stop you from finding out what is going on.

You plan to sneak in then. After the last period on Tuesday, and as soon as the library is empty, you ask Gamora to help you distract the librarian, and while she does so, you sneak between the shelves.

You look back to check that everything was all right as you enter, and almost fall backwards in fright when you bump into someone. Your heart races with fear when you observe Principal Harkness right in front of you, a curious look on your face.

"P-professor?" You exclaim. "I'm sorry! I was just..."

"Sneaking in." She completes with a smile. You feel your stomach sink, but the woman makes room for you to enter. "Come on honey, you don't need that. Make yourself at home."

You hesitate for a second, but then step forward, your curiosity for answers getting the best of you.

Following in the way the head master points, you end up deep in the library, many books you've never seen around you, their covers dark, and mystical, some of them moving on the shelves as if they were trying to break free.

"I heard about your little accomplishment at the dueling club." The principal comments beside you as you run your fingers through the covers. You shrug. 

"Nobody wants to tell me what's going on."

"Does that make you angry, dear?"

You blink in confusion, looking at the woman behind you. She looks back as if she was evaluating you.

"N-no, professor." You say putting your hands in your pockets.  "I'd just like to know what's happening."

Harkness blinks and then looks away. She makes a flick with her fingers, and there is a book flying toward you. It has a dark, medieval cover, and there is a magical shadow shrouding the entire book. It 's mainly scary.

"I found a lot of information about magic connection incantations, dear." She counters. "But it's nothing a second grade girl could understand, you know? Advanced magic for even the most experienced witches."

You frown, wanting to say that if she explained it properly, you could understand it perfectly, but being the director, you thought it best to just add:

"Please, professor. I just want to know what's going on."

Agatha smiles, and then puts the book back on the shelf, her eyes have a purple glow that makes your body chilly.

"Don't you understand, dear?" She starts by stooping down to your height, her hand caressing your cheek lightly. "You came in here, and flipped through the books. So many words you didn't know. You found nothing." She says and you see flashes in your head, her words taking shape like a memory. "And when you left, it just stopped being important."

Agatha smiles at you as she rests her hand on your shoulder for a moment, and you face her back. Giving her one last look, you walk in the direction you came from. 

When you leave, you only remember what you have been allowed to.

//-//

In potions class, you feel a tingling behind your eyes when you see Professor Erik. 

You have the feeling that you want to ask him something, but can't remember what it is.

Gamora mentions that maybe you wanted to know about what happened at the dueling club, but you smile as you deny it with your head, telling her that that story wasn't really that big of a deal.

She frowns slightly, but doesn't insist, believing that you had lost interest in the subject as well as the rest of the school.

//-//

You don't do very well on your Transfiguration test.

If you had to find an excuse, you would say that you haven't felt very well since the dueling club. Your magic has been difficult to shape and control. You don't want to think about it, though, so you just study until everything is back to normal again.

Professor Rocket gives you an "Acceptable" though, and you grumble slightly when the results arrive at your house during the vacations.

You write to your friends over the summer, sharing the results of your assessments. Gamora did well in everything, her grades as perfect as Nebula's. Mantis failed in Charms, but got Brilliant in Herbology, and surprised no one by that. Peter had at least three "troll" grades, and Gamora sent him a chocolate cake to make him feel better.

The week before last, there was a big commotion at the Ministry of Magic, and your father was away from home for three days.

Jarvis didn't let you and Tony run to hug him when he arrived, and before you could protest, you noticed that he had apparated in the house garden accompanied by two other wizards you didn't know.

No one seemed willing to tell you what was happening, and when the wizards left, your father locked himself in his office for the night.

Tony was very upset, and said he wanted to be alone in his room. 

"Jarvis, will you tell me what's going on?" You asked the butler when he put you to bed, worried that you were going to stay up waiting for your father. Jarvis sighed, sitting up with you. 

"Miss Y/N, there are many things that are not concerns for children." He begins, and you sigh impatiently. The man smiles gently at you. "It may not seem fair, but innocence is a privilege of the few."

"I just want to know why dad and Tony are upset." You complain with your arms crossed, not understanding the man's previous words. Jarvis fluffs your pillows, pulling the blanket to waist height. "Please, Jarvis, tell me."

The butler sighs.

"Just know that there are people in our world who don't have the best of intentions." He explains mysteriously, causing you to frown. "But that's not something for you to worry about, because the adults have taken care of everything. Now, go to sleep miss."

Jarvis reaches out to turn off your lamp next and stands up. You sit in the dark for many minutes before you decide to fall asleep.