#giving them deranged relationship dynamics.. which could mean nothing

[lelianaslefthand]

i already knew i’d be playing this game over and over bc that’s what i do but i’m like fuck i’m gonna need to romance everyone then romance them with someone in the same faction as them if i haven’t already and some of them have decisions in their personal quests that i want to see both sides play out in a romance like damn i do treat these games like dating sims sometimes huh…

[17magpiesinatrenchcoat]

TELL US YOUR PK HEADCANONS!!! (if you wanna)

Oh HELL yeah

I’ve already said a bunch of these on ig… but you guys get to have more 😈😈

putting a cut here bc it’s fuckin long lol 💀💀

My fan name for him is Astennu!! Means god of the moon.. and WL’s name is Faraway :D

pan/polygamous: ]

autistic ofc bc I love projecting he's very bad at masking too, he's good at keeping up one specific persona (typical cold ruler mask..) but as soon as someone doesn't act the exact way he expects them to do he doesn't know how to react, and the mask slips, very practiced and good but only in very specific circumstances, another reason why he's so antisocial

he is good at heart and has strong morals, but they're usually overpowered by fear, so he usually just does what's easiest instead of what's right, even though it hurts him more in the long run

he doesn't give a shit about gender, everyone just started calling him a guy and he was like "ok lol"

likes singing and is quite good at it too!! (or. in the case of my au, he was before his voice got messed up)

NO spacial awareness whatsoever, always gets lost in thought, constantly bumping into shit, , he has a bunch of gnarly scars just from that

his godly powers are too much for his mortal-ish body, he regularly gets sick bevause of them, and it was even worse before he used most of them to create hallownest, he was basically permanently in pain lol LOSER

he can't control his glow, so it betrays his emotions a lot (and he can accidentally flashbang people when he feels really strong emotions)

refuses to be vulnerable at all. pushes everyone away, somewhat consciously too, believing himself to be a burden and that they'd be better off without him

drinks literally nothing but coffee {or the hallownest equivalent to it anyway)

very bad memory (projecting again)

he doesn't know how to interact with. people. much less be a parent. he's a terrible parent LOL he tries but he's just not good at it whatsoever

kind of a shitty immune system due to his powers making him sick so often, another reason he's reclusive

ameteur painter (he doesn't understand it much but it makes lurien really happy so)

his special interest is just. inventing intricate technology in general, he completely hyper focuses on it and would spend literal days doing it if it wasn't for wl dragging him out of his workshop LOL

EXTREMELY deadpan and can be very rude without realising it

Stuff always gets stuck in his horns and he usually doesn’t notice until it gets pointed out (which usually take hours bc wl and lurien think it’s funny lol)

Literally does not know how to make connections with people whatsoever every connection he has made has been accidental

dating both lurien and wl obviously 🫶🫶🫶(wl is also dating dryya but I haven’t put much thought into that one yet I should) the gods do not care for monogamy

Hmm.. for his relationships with some of the other characters..

realising that I have not fleshed out his relationship with wl really omg what’s wrong with me I need to fix that ☹️☹️ but uh here’s the other characters for now lol

him and lurien are both deranged autism buddies <33 lurien does not take any form of authority seriously at all, and doesn’t like taking orders (pathological demand avoidance, autistic thing, pretty sure I have it lol) and so.. he never like. acted like pk was a god. he just treated him like a normal person. and pk had no clue how to react to that so he could not keep up his mask around lurien at all.. so eventually they ended up realising they have common interests and ended up becoming friends.. and later.. hmmm?? they are both incredibly awkward and socially inept lol so it took way longer to happen then it should 💀

but yeah they have a very funky dynamic LOL they can talk for hours about their common interests <3 and hmm.. their dynamic is basically this

He never thought that much of herrah other than being vaguely scared of her;; but she fucking hated him LOL she thought he was an inept cowardly moron

but.. the more time she spent as queen, she grew to understand him a lot more as she felt how much that role and pressure could tear someone down

She still doesn’t like him that much, but she understands why he is the way he is now, and tries to be nicer bevause she knows how it feels

He and monomon have a very weird relationship.. they’re kinda friends but also kinda fucking hate each other LOL;; like;; theyre really fucking mean and hostile to each other but it’s not really genuine, it’s more out of habit than anything, and they do care about each other and look out for each other, it’s just sort of the manifestation of them both being emotionally inept assholes who don’t know how to communicate, so they sorta take it out on each other, but neither of them mind, they know neither of them actually mean it

so yeah sorta like;; idk weird ass friendship where they both pretend to hate each other to vent at how shit the world is but they both know neither of them mean it bevause the anger isn’t directed at each other at all, and it’s kinda become a game between them who can come up with the most ridiculous insults LOL

Uhhh I guess that’s it lol!! Yeah I said there was a lot 💀 if you have any questions or more headcanon ideas for me… well you know where to find me 💜💜

[tirammansupreme]

10pm tsuzuten dynamic hcs thoughts

Local deranged man tries to decipher tsuzuten's dynamic for one hour straight (Reminder these are my personal hcs)

I see them as the sun and moon. The bright charismatic Tenma that leads everyone with confidence, and the strong dependable Tsuzuru who supports everyone with his stories from the sidelines. They have contrasting vibes and personalities, which would make you think they'll clash. But in reality they support and mellow each other out.

Tsuzuten has both relatively strong personalities with both having high pride and egos of their own, but they improved and worked on it as time goes on. Their relationship with each other is built upon their pre-existing development. However due to that development they are able to respect one another more than they could ever before.

They manage to see each other on a level playing field, yet at the same time put the other in a high regard due to an appreciation of the other's abilities and demeanor. They have a sense of formality, yet comfortability to them. They're not the most buddy-buddy, but do they really need to be?

The troupe can get hectic at times, and sometimes you just need someone you can relax and not do much with. Someone you're comfortable chilling with as you talk about nothing, eating your favorite snacks as you look outside the window.

The sun and the moon just coexist with each other sometimes with no meaning to it, and that's not really a bad thing. They support each other by just being there. However, they still can give much more given the situation.

The sun gives off light to the moon, it's beautiful on it's own but it can shine when given the boost. Tenma gives Tsuzuru confidence and lessens his anxiety during tough times. While apart, the moon will always be there to greet the sun again. Tsuzuru's reliability is something Tenma may need as someone who's always had to fend on his own.

I see them complementing each other more than completing each other. Their relationship is not special in any way but it's something that they both appreciate as a rest stop for their daily lives.

[tennessoui]

Same anon: would like to clarify I’m completely obsessed with omega obi-wan domming alpha Anakin and calling him sweet alpha, it was literal perfection and I couldn’t even hope to even master something so artfully done. I just got the funny image in my head of an omega nineteen year old Anakin, the night after getting railed by mobi-wan, being like ah yes I’m pregnant now through the power of love like the stories despite being on suppressants my entire life, I must collect my thirteen year old sister-daughter now, omegas give alphas children, I’ll be such a good omega like he said, I’ll be back sleeping alpha! While Obi-wan has a pretty bird esque freak out. Totally cool and understand if you do not like that, just wanted to clarify it had nothing to do with not absolutely adoring the dynamics of the story (I’ve reread it like twenty times and every time I swoon for omega Obi-wan being a total dom because frankly we need more of that)

aw thank you for the clarification!!

so i've thought about it a lot, right, i mean more than i usually think about things which is an hour and a shower, and i think i'm gonna say no, please do not 🥺

my friend weighed in and she thought that while i can't really claim ownership over mob fics, unhealthy relationships, sexual education through erotica, one person leaving for A Reason after a night of sex and the other person freaking out, etc (because those are all just serious tropes), i could probably claim at least some ownership of those happening in that specific order.

but!!! the addendum is i love mob boss obi-wan stories (obviously) and i love a/b/o dynamics and i love a slightly deranged feral mess of both alpha and omega so I would absolutely love to read a story with those elements if you'd be willing to write one that is perhaps inspired by my pretty bird (+ pb in space) stories, but feels less like a mirrored image of them. if that makes sense?

[septembersghost]

who said Dean can be removed from the show with minimal impact and how do I punish them? 😤

a deranged hater who for some reason thinks it's constructive to spend years on the internet tearing down and attacking an actor (and others) they don't know and who has never done them any harm, and his character by extension, under the guise of "knowledge of the industry" or something to give them a veneer of intellectualism and clout, when they actually understand absolutely nothing about storytelling, narrative intent, or how character development and the emotional center and foundation of a show is built. I won't link to it (although I'd like for a lot of us to be able to rebut it, it would be completely useless and they'd just call us names and block us anyway), but part of what they wrote in their diatribe was:

If you take Sam out of the show, it would destroy the premise, but if you remove Dean, the show will still be the same with minimal rewrites. Like have Bobby call Sam at Stanford that his father is missing. John sells his soul for Sam, Sam kills Lilith in revenge, leading to Lucifer rising, leading to Sam sacrificing himself into hell, and so on and on. Try it, other than season 10 if you take Dean entirely out of the story the plot wouldn’t be affected that much.

truly wtf

someone even had the audacity to reply in the comments that it's like if you remove Han from Star Wars, but still have Luke, the story is "less fun, but still the story," which is why I can't stand that comparison these days (and I love Luke and Han both btw), because it doesn't hold up to even the tiniest bit of scrutiny. it's an entirely different dynamic, entirely different archetypes, in an entirely different world. Kripke made that comment and it stuck in people's minds as fact, even though he made far more over the years about the vital importance of both characters and how fundamentally they shaped the story, and how Jensen and Jared themselves were a HUGE part of that because it was their chemistry onscreen and their bond that caused the writers to pivot from it being more monster-adventure-of-the-week to a character driven narrative centered on their relationship, and how that made the story better, and connected to audiences, and is its everlasting through-line.

I'm going to answer this in as unbiased a way as possible, because I could get deep into analysis and themes and symbolism and character definitions/resonance/emotionality here, but it isn't really the main point, and I don't want to come at this preferentially, I want to approach it as someone who cares deeply about the characters and their story in general. you have to have both of them. you can have a monster hunting story with young Dean without Sam, but it's not Supernatural. you...don't have the story with Sam without Dean because Sam would not have done a single thing he did without Dean! it's Dean who has to be the one to go ask for his help. it's Dean who's remained a hunter, it's Dean's world that Sam is enfolded back into. he doesn't come back for John! he doesn't choose to stay for John! even when he really embraces the life and is confident in that choice in later seasons, he still makes that decision to be with Dean! I don't know how this is hard to understand, but, he only leaves Stanford for DEAN. if Bobby (lol it's laughable! laughable they would make this comparison) called Sam at Stanford to say their father was missing, it has no meaning. the driving engine of everything is the bond between the brothers and the way they fundamentally shape and contrast one another. this person literally doesn't understand that a story can be about more than one character as a lead...? that characters actually flesh out and illuminate one another, that they require one another for a story to fit together? you have no story without Sam AND Dean. I put this in tags yesterday, but no one else would sacrifice their soul for Sam. no one else would've stood with Sam in Stull Cemetery and been able to reach through to him, where Sam could break out of Lucifer's control - he saves the world but it's BECAUSE he loves Dean! the examples are endless because the examples are literally the entire show.

"minimal rewrites" is an outright lie. actually I'm going to quote what Essie said to me yesterday when I ranted to her directly about this:

not to mention that no one else would’ve done a demon deal to save sam, and even if some side character had done that inexplicably, it would’ve been terrible writing because 1) it makes no sense that they’d do that 2) it’s not emotionally engaging to see your main get saved by some rando who then faces the consequences when we don’t even put a lot of emphasis on the emotional and physical aftermath of that decision and the consequences. like it would just be deus ex machina. in fact none of the plot, NONE OF IT!!!!!, works [in ANY way] without the twofold perspective of sam and dean, the opposing viewpoints and priorities and the conflicts

it's insulting to the show, it's insulting to the characters, and it's insulting to the audience to claim that the importance of the dynamic between the two of them didn't matter and wouldn't have affected the story if it didn't exist. it absolutely would have, as there would be no show without it. a story doesn't work without its heart and soul, and the mere concept that this blog was proposing excises it. madness luv

[callisto-rants]

Starting a new ✨series✨ that no one asked for! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Callisto-Rants presents...

Here's my Two Cents

Where we just throw down our two cents on how we would change a series to make it better, in our own personal opinion.

[You can Block this tag if you're not interested in this series: #Here's Our Two Cents]

Here's my Two Cents

Yarichin Bitch Club.

Ever since I had the misfortune of having that opening theme song stuck in my head because of countless memes and tiktok edits. . . I have wished for days to have the ability to create a time machine to prevent myself from saying. . .

"okay, fine I'll bite the bullet and check out the source material."

Now if you're reading this and thinking, "huh. I never heard of this series..." let me just tell you, GOD I WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW.

No one was going to tell me this BL Manga about a "pHoTogRaPhY cLuB" wasn't completely INSANE? I was just supposed to find out Three Volumes Later??

Now some of y'all who have read the source material might be thinking. . .

"Okay Callisto, get over it it's obviously supposed to be a comedy it's not meant to be taken seriously 🙄"

And to that I say... I mean I guess??? But do we really need all of THAT to make it a comedy?? I feel like you could still have an entertaining comedy BL Manga without 90% of the shit that goes on in that series..... But that's just ✨my two cents✨ take it or leave it.

FIRST THINGS FIRST, here's all the stuff I'd automatically remove from this series off the bat.

💀 The Gang Bangs.

💀 Teacher x Student Relationships.

💀 In fact all instances of unconsensual acts & sexual assault committed in this manga. Throw all of that away.

💀 the fact that the term Bisexual was used as a replacement for the term switch, and had nothing to do with the sexual orientation itself whatsoever.

💀 The High School Setting.

💀 Whatever the fuck Yuri was on.

💀 90% of the hyper sexualized traits these characters had.

Now here's what I'd change to make it better... Basically here's an AU of what if it was actually a normal photography club....

Actually make it a fucking Photography Club. Not a sex club that's in a fuckin HIGH SCHOOL. Hell, you could just throw this in a college setting too, for more mature themes.

Main character, Takashi Toono a college student that's trying to get out of his comfort zone more. So he decides to join the photography club, because he thinks it's not demanding to require anything of him compared to any other club on campus. He knows completely NOTHING about photography, and doesn't have any passion for the art media. His Character growth would be learning to appreciate the art media While learning what it means to him, as well as who he wants to be as he enters the adult world as a young adult.

Yuu Kashima, can stay as Takashi's love interest. Also, I feel like all the members should have a specific style of taking photos that correlates with their personality in some way. Yuu's photography style would be something the lines of Candid photography which is a type of photography style that's main focus is to take photos in the moment or in surprise. Something he has already done when he took that photo of Takashi. I also feel like Yuu would be the one to keep pushing Takashi to love photography, and understand it's more than snapping a photo.

Kyousuke Yaguchi, can stay as the Love Rival for Yuu Kashima and overall keep his personality? It was actually pretty interesting and I liked his Character dynamics with everyone else. Kyousuke Yaguchi can also stay as the outsider that directly / indirectly influences Everyone else in the club. Causing Takashi to explore his feelings and expand his social group, and make him think about what he wants to capture in his photos. Overall the same interaction between Kyousuke & Yuu Kashima with their rivalry and brotherly relationship at it's breaking point. As well as, Kyousuke and Yui's relationship being tense with miscommunication.

Yui Tamura, I imagine Yui's photography style would be more of Adventure (capturing shots in the great outdoors, usually involving extreme sports; mountain-climbing, skiing, kayaking, sky diving, etc) & Sports Photography. Which could create interesting interactions between Kyousuke and Yui. Cue Yui trying to cover up the fact that, every time the soccer club commissions Yui to take some photos of their club activity to promote their club, all of Yui's photos are of Kyousuke playing soccer. Causing Yui to complain to Kyousuke to get out of his shots and that he's ruining them by being in all of them. So, Kyousuke just shouts back "then stop following me around with your camera, DUMBASS". Just imagine Them bickering, because Yui 100% did not delete the photo he captured of Kyousuke getting knocked out by a soccer ball to the face.

Itsuki Shikatani would definitely be in the club, but only because he prefers to have his photos be taken, more than he likes taking photos himself. He would probably be a cross dresser, who enjoys dressing up in feminine articles of clothing and posing for photos. Everyone on campus who doesn't know Itsuki personally, always asks who the beautiful woman in these photos are, the club president and vice President always just says it's one of their cousins that happen to be in town. If Itsuki had to have a style of photography, it would probably be fashion.

Toru Fujisaki. . . This one is difficult only because his Character is purely centered around Yuki's Character. . . So I'm going to take some creative liberties here. . . Probably really insecure about himself, because he feels like he's a wall flower that's really forgettable, that no one cares about. Although, it's mostly because he's shooting himself in the foot by not letting one have the opportunity to get to know him to give him a chance, in the first place. Until, he meets Yuki who makes him realize that not everyone sees him as a wall flower and someone can notice his nicer qualities about himself that he's hiding away. Toru's Character development in this AU, would be for for him to learn to love himself more and try to trust people to accept him. As well as to expand his social circle with the support of not only Yuki, but the Photography Club as well. At first I bet, he would only feel comfortable with Yuki taking his photos and modeling only for him, but over time he'd let the other club members take his photo when he gets more confident in himself. While also, developing his own style of photography, that isn't just "cute photos of Yuri", it would probably be Still Life or Portrait.

Ayato Yuri, okay first. . . I'm still not over the fact that this boy was written like a deranged feral child, that was given access to a pornhub account way too early in life. While being dropped on his head several times, before and after his first words. Anyhow. . . I feel like Yuri would fit the trope of the genius, that no one understands in any capacity. His mind is 10 steps ahead of everyone else and he forgets to slow down and explain what the fuck he's talking about, when he goes into a passionate rant about photography. With endless rambles about golden ratio, gold lighting and blue lighting, and how he needs these specific props, that don't seem to fit the theme of the photo at all to make it perfect. But despite that, his photos always come out beautifully. No one can deny that his methods might be extremely weird, but they always work out way too well to give anyone the opportunity to chastise him. Anyone trying to work with Yuri often leaves the experience with a beautiful photo in hand, but an enormous headache. Even members within the photography club can't keep up with Yuri most of the time either, he's often in his own little world that just makes sense to only him. He can be a eccentric and passionate about his hobby and goofy to not make people feel too uncomfortable with the huge distance he unintentionally places between himself and others when he doesn't bother to slow down for anyone. But, he still has a good heart to make sure everyone gets a piece of art that'll always be memorable to them. Additionally, with that being said I feel like Toru would be the few people that would consistently attempt to keep up with Yuri, when he's a light year away from everyone else in his rambles. Toru wouldn't shut down and show disinterest in what Yuri says when he can no longer keep up, he's always being supportive and encouraging Yuri to continue because he knows it makes him happy to be able to express his passion. And sometimes, Yuri will pause and explain a bit to let Toru keep up with him, because he just truly appreciates someone trying to get closer to him, without making him feel bad. I would say Yuri is a jack of all trades when it comes to Photography styles. There isn't a single style he is terrible at, but he truly excels at Abstract Photography.

Koshiro Itome I think Koshiro would fit the silent type trope, but with a lot on his mind. Always over thinking things, and although he looks calm his mind is always buzzing with 500 things at once. Because, of this the only way he can find some semblance of peace is by going out for a nature walk and letting the environment take his mind off things. He's always worries about deadlines for projects, meeting up with clients face to face for the first time, whether or not a company will like his photos he submitted, if his boyfriend Akemi is okay, what if he doesn't find anything to take a picture of or if he's missing the perfect shot right now, will the club be okay after they all graduate, what else can be learn to improve his skills etc etc. Akemi can always tell when he's actually calm and when he's just zoned out and drowning in his own worries behind his calm demeanor. Luckily for Akemi, he knows exactly what to do to make him feel better, like a life boat to his pleas for help in the vast ocean of his thoughts. Koshiro is 100% the mom friend in the club, always helping newbies out on how to properly take care of their equipment, and the general basics, stopping people from bickering and carrying around a Mary Poppins bag of useful items. "Damn I forgot to bring my infrared lens with me!" "It's okay I brought a spare, here you go." Koshiro's photography style would be Nature & Wild life, cue everyone wondering how the hell he managed to capture a photo of baby bear and it's mother so close up with such clarity with the equipment he has on him. It should be impossible there's no way he could it's just unlikely, but all Koshiro does in response is just shrugging calmly "I just slowly walked up to them, and took some photos and went my way after I was done, they weren't bothered at all." At first no one believes him, until they see the next photo of him petting the mother bear, and within the next photo of him holding the baby bears paw. I like to think Akemi is always bragging at how his boyfriend is basically a Disney Prince, with the way animals just trust him enough to let Koshiro approach to take the photos. Of course Akemi has the proof that his Boyfriend is not making any of these up. With photo evidence he had taken from a incredibly safe distance away, of Koshiro just interacting with wildlife at such a close distance. Because, Akemi was not in fact gifted the ability of a Disney prince, to be doing that shit that Koshiro pulls on a daily basis. I feel like because of this Akemi can be a bit over protective of Koshiro, always telling him to text him before he goes to work and he gets back home, so he knows a feral bear didn't devour his boyfriend in the woods. He tries his best to join Koshiro while he works so he can be at peace of mind that Koshiro is in fact safe, but they both know it's very difficult for Koshiro to focus. When his boyfriend is being incredibly cute how could he remember he's here to take photos of the wild life and not his boyfriend? That and Akemi always accidentally scares away the wildlife, when he accidentally reads the animals body language wrong as any attempt to devour his boyfriend. Akemi will lose 25 years of his life with amount of false alarms, he has encountered in those damn woods.

Keiichi Akemi, Akemi is definitely one of those smug bastards, that has an ulterative motive or an ace up his sleeve. Appearing sweet and kind until you realize it was a facade. But one way or another you find yourself wrapped up in his convoluted plans, where you're either in his photoshoot as a model or you're carrying all his equipment, while he goes from one job to the next. Akemi's photography style would be Wedding Photography & Landscape something he definitely would've picked up from the countless outings he had with Koshiro in the outdoors. Akemi's friends are almost always married or paired up together, and that's no coincidence. This man is a match-making demon, a hopeless romantic who loves to see a budding romance finally bloom. So, he can snag a fat check when they thank him for brining them together and hire him as the official wedding photographer. His intuition is never wrong about the perfect pairings and how to push the right buttons to move things along, without getting directly involved until the right time comes. Something, that will be a pain in Toono's ass down the line as he stays in the Photography Club.

Overall, I feel like this could've been a really nice BL Manga which was a love letter to the art media of Photography. As Toono figures out what Photography means to him and how he wants to use it to express his feelings. "Why do you take photos? What do you want to say in these photos and tell people without the ability of using your words?" I feel like at first Toono, would just be confused "it's just a photo what's so special about it? You take it as a cool momento for something."

But, as time goes on, and he learns why everyone in the club enjoys photography and why they're here, he learns it's more than that. Whether it be to vent something you're unable to express in words, express your love for something or someone, to tell a story, to inspire others, to feel free, to share something with someone. All these different forms of expression, will let Toono figure out what he wants from photography and how he plans on expressing it.

Also instead of the whole "have sex with someone in one month or we gang bang you against your will" dilemma. . . I feel like another suspenseful situation could have been, "Create a photo album, that will impress all of us in one month, or you have to help us all out with our next projects." Which at first doesn't sound terrible, until you remember...

Yui is a thrill seeker, and would probably push you off a cliff to snag a cool photo. Or force you to be his pack mule as you climb up serval mountains.

Itsuki would force you to cross dress and model different fashion styles to make you look like a clown for his own amusement. All the while he revels in your shame, and points out how these colors don't suit you at all, but ignores the fact he's the one who put you in that outfit in the first place.

Yuri is such a wild card that you honest to God don't know what the fuck will happen to you, it'll be like being on an acid trip the whole time. And not knowing what will happen brings you more fear than knowing what will.

Koshiro would probably bring you to a wolf den full of hungry ravenous wolves, and let you accidentally get eaten alive by a pack of wolves. While he takes pictures of puppies, without a care in the world.

Akemi... Akemi just scares Toono, he seems like the safest bet out of everyone else. But Toono knows better to trust that sweet smile. Toono would be safer walking into Satan's house than spend a day with Akemi at work. Whatever he would have planned for them if he were to lose this challenge would not be good for his sanity. He hates how he knows Akemi wants just that for Toono to know he's not going to be safe either. Akemi would probably make him cry with prying questions about his romance life. While hitting too close to home with all his assumptions about him that he can't argue back. It's losing battle from there on out.

The only problem for Toono is Everyone in this club is so different, that it's almost impossible to be able to impress them all. None of them agree, which style is better or having almost anything in common photography style wise. Toono can't just half-heartedly replicate anyone's style either, he's going to actually try and fail miserably to understand this art media better, like everyone else. I think after losing the challenge and spending time with everyone, Toono would come to really like the club and everyone else in it.

And that's my ✨two cents✨ on how this story could've been better if it didn't focus too much on the whole pwp aspect.

Take it or leave it.

[cristalconnors]

BEST SONGS of 2019

20. “MOTIVATION”- Normani

“Why would we ever do something instead of falling into the bed right now?”

Watching the 2019 VMAs, it was easy to feel despondent about the current state of mainstream pop. And then Normani descended from a basketball hoop, breaking up a string of lifeless performances of cookie-cutter top 40 with a preposterously physical tour de force that harkened back to an era when pop fame felt like something closer to a meritocracy, when talent mattered more than spectacle. It felt like a major arrival: at last another pop goddess that truly had all the goods. The public may not have caught up to her quite yet, but “Motivation” is a statement of purpose for Normani: I’m here, I’m very fucking talented, and I’m not going anywhere.

19. “SO HOT YOU’RE HURTING MY FEELINGS”- Caroline Polachek

“I cry on the dancefloor, it’s so embarrassing”

The charms of “So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings” are seemingly endless. First, there’s that title that makes you chuckle the first few times you hear it. Then, there’s the pre-chorus that title is effortlessly plugged into: a crystal clear image of lovelorn insecurity placed atop a sublimely simple melody that builds into a harmonious, show-stopping chorus. But the song’s zenith has got to be that bridge, marrying a mind-bending, distorted vocal solo that more closely resembles electric guitar with the singsongy refrain “show me your banana,” effortlessly striking a balance between the highbrow and the silly, casting Polachek as the carefree pop diva she perhaps always should have been.

18.“WAY TO THE SHOW”- Solange

“Candy paint down to the floor”

“I want it to bang and make your trunk rattle.” I think about that quote a lot when listening to “Way to the Show,” the grooviest track on When I Get Home- the one whose meandering funk bass line and countless key changes build to an explosion of synth runs and gun cocking, showcasing Knowles’s growth as both a songwriter and curator of mood as she crafts a singularly hallucinatory, heavenly vision of Houston and the sounds that raised her.

17. “WONDER BOY”- ARTHUR RUSSELL

“I’m a wonder boy. I can do nothing”

The back catalogue of notorious perfectionist and genreless chameleon Arthur Russell is so vast, so varied that even 27 years after he was taken from us, we’re still being treated to new material. Every single song of his that’s been released posthumously, including all 19 tracks of Iowa Dream, feel like their own revelation, each of them a uniquely dazzling bucking of all your expectations of what a song of his should sound like. “Wonder Boy” is unique in how tidily its melancholy, frosty images of impermanence sum up the tragic story of Arthur Russell the man- the brilliant artist who never found success and only ever managed to put out a single album while he was alive- the wonder boy who could do nothing.

16. “I THINK OF SATURDAY”- Moodymann

“I called you on Thursday... I called you on Friday...”

“I Think of Saturday” starts simply enough, listing the days of the week almost as a gimmick, evoking soul and early rock filtered through a house lens, until halfway through the song when the beat drops away, introducing a brief sample of Joe Simon’s “With You in Mind” that’s followed by the reintroduction of the beat, but now accompanied by a recurring distorted, dissonant chord that reframes the song as a sinisterly rousing account of unrequited desire and delusion that refracts itself over and over again. 

15. “SOFIA”- Clairo

“I think we could do it if we tried”

The opening bars of Clairo’s “Sofia” sound like a really good Strokes knock off, but the song quickly reveals itself to be something vastly more interesting, unfolding itself steadily over the course of three minutes as she and producer Rostam Batmanglij subvert well worn pop tropes to craft an exquisitely textured, soul-baring, and ultimately hopeful anthem for young wlw everywhere.

14. “LARK”- Angel Olsen

“What about my dreams?”

Olsen’s widescreen, abstract vision of a break-up song is thrillingly unbound from the constrictions of song structure and narrative, favoring instead the visceral power of strings and drastic dynamic contrast to craft a symphony in miniature, a “journey through grief” as Olsen herself describes it, that announces the bold, panoramic vision of her fourth album.

13. “WALK AWAY”- (Sandy) Alex G

“Someday I’m gonna walk away from you. Not today...”

“Walk Away” evokes the sense of being trapped, stuck in a cycle of recognizing unhealthy relationships or habits and being unable or unwilling to do anything about them, looping the simple two line refrain over and over and over again to weave a hopeless, woozy tapestry of crunching beats, acoustic and electric guitar, mournful piano and harpsichord, and distorted vocals.

12. “THIS COUNTRY MAKES IT HARD TO FUCK” (BJÖRK REMIX)- Fever Ray

“That’s not how to love me!”

Björk isolates the most memorable line from Fever Ray’s “This Country”- “this country makes it hard to fuck!”-and explodes it, distorting it and stretching it across a fearsome sample of the droning, discordant flutes from “Song of the Alféreces and Dances of the Chinos,” evoking a kind of tortured funhouse mirror image of the current state of reproductive rights that rightly recasts Fever Ray’s song as a horror film.

11. “ABOUT WORK THE DANCEFLOOR”- Georgia

“I was just thinking about work the danefloor...”

“About Work the Dancefloor” is Georgia’s ode to the cathartic, restorative powers of the dancefloor, where your worries fall away as you melt into the crowd and language abstracts itself, as evidenced by that perplexing chorus that doesn’t seem to mean anything- and why should it? When you’re lost in her pounding bass and gurgling synths, that incoherence is strangely comforting. You can cast whatever meaning you want onto it and work through it physically, together. 

10. “GONE”- Charli XCX & Christine and the Queens

“I try real hard, but I’m caught up by my insecurities”

The jelly squiggles that criss-cross Charli XCX and her collaborator’s faces on the artwork released for the singles from her latest album Charli suggest a kind of symbiosis, a cosmic intertwining of sorts. But only “Gone” achieves a true melding of the minds, where Charli and Chris’s best and boldest instincts collide, complimenting one another seamlessly in this dizzying vision of insecurity and isolation that unravels into a stunning pop abstraction. 

09. “CELLOPHANE”- FKA twigs

“Why don’t I do it for you?”

Usually for FKA twigs, more is more. Her songs are busy, even the slower ones, packed to the brim with glitches, unusual rhythms, and a million little details that pull attention, giving them texture and making them extremely immersive listening experiences. “Cellophane” pares those idiosyncrasies back. They’re still there, but the focus is twigs’s voice, which bends and cracks and really emotes in a way we’ve never heard. Her voice is naked and unvarnished, allowing her to be truly vulnerable in a way we’ve never heard either, and it’s heartbreaking. 

08. “CINNAMON GIRL”- Lana Del Rey

“If you hold me without hurting me, you’ll be the first who ever did.”

“Cinnamon Girl” is the culmination of every other ballad she’s ever written. They were practice and this is the real deal- a painterly missive on tumultuous love that reads like a pained confession whispered in confidence, something Lana’s always done well, but her composition has never been so exquisite or immersive, so beautifully in concert with her poetry or her velvet voice, or so flawlessly constructed, effortlessly building toward a show-stopping finale that asserts Lana as the postmodern princess of Americana.

07. “COOKIE BUTTER”- Kim Gordon

“Industrial...metal...supplies...”

“Cookie Butter” has got to be the most stunning showcase of the power of Kim Gordon’s voice, as she drags out some vowels, muffles others, attacks consonants and bends words until they don’t sound like words anymore, all atop a trance inducing beat drives towards the song’s unlikely climax- Kim Gordon saying “cookie butter” in the most impossibly distinct way you could imagine that carries the weight of an EDM drop, leading the track into it’s disorienting second half that both clarifies and obscures the half that came before it. Haunting and addictive. 

06. “CATTAILS”- Big Thief

“You don’t need to know why when you cry.”

To hear Big Thief talk about the process of writing and recording “Cattails” on their episode of the Song Exploder podcast, one is struck by how organic it was. Adrianne Lenker describes it as a “magic wind” that swept through the studio, the song kind of falling out of them in one take. That sense of life comes through in the song, the simple, sublime repetition, bounce, and build of it sounding like a transmission from deep within the soul, a cosmic image of nostalgia and grief that is as cathartic as it is heavenly.

05. “GOD CONTROL”- Madonna

“I think I understand why people get a gun.”

“God Control” is ostensibly about gun control, though you’d be forgiven if you had a hard time discerning what exactly she’s trying to say. Like some of her best work, it’s provocative and maybe a little empty, but damn if it isn’t supremely interesting and compelling as hell. Madonna taps into a sense of apocalyptic malaise and skepticism of authority that feels at times remarkably in tune with the public consciousness, at others a grotesque caricature of it, to uniformly fascinating results as she spins a deranged disco yarn that, once those swirling strings hit, is downright euphoric. 

04. “GOLD TEETH”- Blood Orange, ft. Gangsta Boo, Project Pat, & Tinashe

“We gon’ rumble in this ho!”

Blood Orange takes Project Pat’s “Rinky Dink II/We’re Gonna Rumble” and explodes it, gifting it both playful levity and added depth with a rollicking beat minor chord synths respectively, effortlessly criss crossing Hynes’s many disparate strengths and interests in the most effortlessly rousing and joyful track in his entire ouevre, elevated by the powerhouse Three 6 Mafia reunion verses of Gangsta Boo and Project Pat himself.

03. “INCAPABLE”- Róisín Murphy

“I don’t know if I can love, in all honesty.”

“Incapable,” Róisín Murphy’s virtuosic disco epic, stops time. That indelibly simple bass line loops over and over and over again until you’re lost in it, the song slowly building itself on top of it, adding claps here, hi hat there, rising towards a stunning sequence backed by whooshing synths where the song really comes alive, where an almost boastful breakup anthem morphs into a glamorously melancholy self-indictment in which she ponders that maybe it’s her there’s something wrong with, creating a dazzling dichotomy between the pitfalls of introspection and the bliss of the dancefloor.

02. “MOVIES”- Weyes Blood

“The meaning of life doesn’t seem to shine like that screen.”

“Movies,” appropriately, plays out with a big screen gloss. Those arpeggiated synths feel like they’re slowly expanding as Natalie Mering coos atop them, wondering how if movies are fake, how come they’re more real than anything in real life? As the synths suddenly give way to frenzied strings, the song splits itself open, giving itself over wholly to the melodrama, the sweeping enormity of feeling that Mering so masterfully conjures as she longs for the vitality, the simple answers, and the meaningfulness of movies.

01. “DO YOU LOVE HER NOW”- Jai Paul

“There’s a time for everything.”

On June 1, 2019, when I first read the news that Jai Paul had released new music, news so momentous it was accompanied by a red “breaking news” banner on Pitchfork’s home page, I immediately found my headphones and sequestered myself. I knew whatever I was about to listen to would require my undivided attention. Quite frankly, I was shocked it existed at all. After the notorious, devastating leak of his music in 2013, he’d exiled himself so thoroughly that it was easy to believe he was just gone forever. But here it was, the second coming- two (2!) new songs, effectively doubling the amount of  (completed) material he’s released in an official capacity. 

Pressing play, I was a little nervous that it wouldn’t live up to my expectations, that it might somehow diminish the work of his that I’d loved so much, that changed the way I think about pop and R&B. That didn’t end up being a problem. While “He” is excellent, “Do You Love Her Now” is maybe the most stunning piece of music he’s ever written. Billowing, moseying guitars provide the heartbeat for what starts as a straightforward, sublimely simple send up of 60′s and 70′s R&B. But this Jai Paul we’re talking about, and nothing he does is simple. Nuances and complexities creep out organically from the fabric of the song- synths whiz in and out, harmonies soar to the forefront of the soundscape seemingly out of nowhere and fall away just as suddenly, crafting an immersive, richly textured listening experience that is unpredictable, washing over you like a wave, building, cresting, and crashing over and over again. 

[lunelantern]

~Sasusaku analysis ~

                               ~~ Sasuke and Sakura - - pair analysis ~~                                            ~THE BRIDGE SCENE~                            (Team 7 Reunion - - after the Five Kage Summit)

                                           ---   PART 4---

How would anyone act when given an impossible choice: be a shinobi or a lover.

This scene suggests that one can't be both (Zabuza states that they can't be both and the human wins every time, albeit Naruto begs to differ and state that it is realistic and achievable to balance the two antithetical perspectives).

"Kill her and I'll accept your offer." Sasuke gives her a pill of her own medicine. Because he doesn't speak randomly for the sake of conversation, cruelly with seemingly no remorse lingering in his heart, Sasuke gives Sakura one example of how her life would be if she were to join him; the life of an outlaw where murder and disposing of people like nothing would be ordinary.

Plus, the scene is also symbolic; Sasuke asks a famous medic - - his following sentence is more than revealing for he knows very well that Sakura is a medic - - to kill a suffering person, when the very essence of her jobs nature AND her symbolism in the manga as the representative of rebirth and regeneration  is to heal, to cure, to lessen one's pain.

By joining him, Sakura would give up on her own self (Naruto answers to her shrouded confession that no sentient bring should event lose himself and betray his own morals, principles and feelings "I hate people who lie to themselves"). Hypothetically, Sasuke shows Sakura a glimpse into how her future beside him would look like.

Albeit is kosher and nuanced, barely noticeable, Sasuke still has a good nature and he proves he cares; he doesn't snap at her, he doesn't launch an attack, he takes his time to lecture her in his own blunt and sarcastic manner.

In the light of the most recent events - - Itachi’s death, the Kage summit, Danzo, Obito and his confession about Uchiha - - Sasuke might arguably have his ration altered, with interlaced moments of lucidity and madness, triggered by the emotional trauma, extreme stress and because he is being provoked. And that makes his moves seem mad, unusually erratic and exaggerated (his famous mad  laughing moment when he shouts to Kakashi that no one could ever bring his family back and restore that status quo - - a doctrine that the manga embraces).

But that's not the case; not with Sasuke and not in this scene.

The overly popular consent postulates that "Sasuke went mad/ he is crazy". Which isn't the truth at all, but it's so facile to superficially judge a character with no proper introspection.

He is not mad at all. Nothing in his demeanor reveal that Sasuke lost the clarity or the ration and his furious state must not be mistaken for insanity.

Sasuke is perfectly lucid. He's, calm, composed, enigmatic, his words have double meaning, he is coherent, analytical, tactical and he knows perfectly well what he is saying; he has complete control of his thoughts.

The fact that his following  conversation with Team 7 steals exacerbated reactions from him is due to the fact that he's more emotionally attached to them and thus his emotions would be pushed to extreme; he'd be more expressive and his rage would be more evident.

Sasuke is less reserved with Team 7 because he's emotionally involved; it’s very personal. But that doesn't make him a mentally deranged man.

He even kept his lucidity and perfectly placated Danzo with a sparkling strategy; he had enough lucidity to analyze Danzo's attacks and outsmart him, despite the emotional trump card of psychological upper hand that Danzo supposingly had on him. Even Obito himself thought at some point that Sasuke has lost it and he's only launching at Danzo erratically, aimlessly in his crazed mind, like Juugo. But it wasn't the suicidal rampage of a crazed man. Sasuke fooled everyone into thinking that he does not know what he is doing / that he lost it.

Nowhere in his attitude or his manner of speaking does Sasuke seem crazy and that's luckily to Sakura because she exposed herself to a ridiculously deadly situation. She came before him like it's a cakewalk with a confusing and conflicting strategy - - if it even existed.

That's the beauty of this pair. It's refreshing and novel, the dynamics are exciting, it lefts the reader constantly guessing and the finale isn't predictable. They aren't a cliché couple. Their movements, the inner feelings, the evident indecision and introspective turmoil is fabulous.

Sakura's ambiguous intentions and Sasuke's personal manner of speaking, his body language, her evident conflict and bedraggled approach are confusing and enigmatic. We keep in guessing what did she hope to accomplish?

Her presence alone holding a lethal weapon that she plans to use on Sasuke and the mention of the word "kill" on her lips when talking about Sasuke the man she loves might be symbolic for how much she treasures the bond with Naruto and how much she regrets for her innocent, naïve plea to bring Sasuke back.

A bond of blood, pain, rancor and emotional torment that she created, a harpoon of tm emotional trauma and torture for Naruto who didn't deserve it. Her present alone with murder intent is an attempt to free Naruto her best friend from this curse (a repentine decision taken after her "confession" failed - - her attempt to free Naruto from that promise failed because Naruto suggests that the supposed burden of her promise was also a conjoined personal motivation).

And maybe Sakura wants to confirm her own feelings and proceed from there: does she love him now when he's gone to this lengths or did her feelings changed for this new Sasuke and she'll be able to fulfill her shinobi duty?

That's how her disarrayed moves and the lack of any proper prior plan could be explained. She wanted to confront her own emotions and the best way to do so was to meet Sasuke herself and assess the situation with her own eyes and her suspicions coupled with the rumors about him lead to the verdict: he is not the same Sasuke that she fell in love with.

Solidifying Sasuke's role as a character with great development in the Manga (a Bildungsroman which follows the evolution of a character from childhood to adulthood, which emphasizes and supports the moral of the story). In antithesis with Naruto who is a linear character who didn't change in the bit, Uchiha is a dynamic character who evolves and never stays the same.

Both Sakura and Karin make it perfectly clear that Sasuke is not static like an unperturbed lake with no ripple to break the mirror-like stillness of its surface. He's a vivacious ocean - - unpredictable and fulminant with constant vicissitudes between tranquility and serenity and turbulent storms.

Sakura confronts her own feelings by approaching Sasuke and realization almost costs her life - - her heart gives us the painful confirmation that she loves him, still helplessly loves him ardently, in a moment when there's no safe turning back.

A moment of hesitation is lethal for a shinobi. A moment of indecision or unfortunate choice comes with devastating consequences.

She reveals her poisoned kunai from under her clothes while indecision takes control over her reeling emotions and fogged lucidity. Simultaneously, Sasuke prepares his Chidori and prepares to strike his attack.

The manga is very descriptive and suggestive. The transitions denote melodious cursively and the flow and cohesion of their interplay is assured by the constant introspection into the characters minds and hearts as the silent face expressions and body language emphasize their dialogue.

Sasuke sees Sakura's internal turmoil. He notices how she reviews her own feelings for he did the same when he heard the truth about Itachi. She's analyzing her feelings for him as he silently allow her to make a decision, up to the very last moment - - he wait for her to get close to him while he won't let any other enemy with murder intent to get so close to him.

Waiting for her to decide, to make up her mind, to choose the road to take and dictate the course of action. Up to the last moment when she reveals her kunai and her mind decides that "she doesn't matter", meaning that she won't comply with his request to kill Karin and "prove" her loyalty and feelings to him.

The implicit dubiety in Sasuke's voice has a moral purpose behind: in a couple, trust is fundamental for a healthy relationship. Love isn't enough when it’s not coupled with trust and respect.

When trust misses, there can't be any romance between two parties and that's what Sasuke's ironic and daring words mean when he dares Sakura to prove her loyalties and back up her confession.

Yes, she might love him but she won't do everything he asks and she does not NEED to comply to his requests. Sasuke tells Sakura that she does not BELONG to his world now. To this version of reality, according to the script of this play he can't be her lover, the one she dreams of.

His eyes, the mirrors of the soul as the symbols of the Third Eye in Buddhism - - the omnipotence of the one who beholds all the wisdom and knowledge / the spiritual part represented by Sasuke's Yin avatar - - are always scrutinizing and introspective. Sasuke is following Sakura's mimics, gesture and reactions with hawkish diligence, attentive and meticulous.

He sees right through her deception; he might not have accumulated enough life-experience, wisdom and information to unravel Itachi's truth ("how far can you see with that Sharingan of yours, Sasuke?"), but he sees right through Sakura's soul, reading her like an open book, every page and every line. She's transparent in front of the man she loves.

It can't be any different because romantic bonds are unique; nothing can begin to compare or come close to. There's nothing else tangible to compare romantic love with, nothing that can offer such a complete body and soul experience.

It's very difficult to draw a kokeshi doll mask on the face of a lover because primal instinct makes one react differently, in a peculiar manner in the presence of the loved one.

Is primal, animal instinct to entice and attract the attention of a potential match and thus it makes it difficult to fight against such strong innate reflexes.

For both Sasuke and Sakura, the primeval instinct to be a couple is very difficult to placate and hide. Sasuke makes it obvious from his tempered gestures, for how he allows her closer to him than anyone, and from he way he talks to her - - the syntax of the phrase and the choice of words are all very intimate, very personal.

And Sakura's pendulating actions shine with confusion and indecision, the inner turmoil revealing as theatrical and dramatic: she alternates between blubbing and shouting, rasping and barking at him and getting emotional and mellower with him.

The look in their eyes is one of this pair’s most symbolic feature. Since Japanese people aren't overtly extroverts with displaying emotions in public, subtlety is the key of this representative pair. There is an entire repertoire that composed the aria of love songs between this pair. There are heated glances, angst stares, incredulity and confusion. This time Sakura does not eschew her eyes from Sasuke; she doesn't glance shyly and flirtatiously aside from him like she does at the end of the manga. She holds Sasuke's gaze, leveling his piercing gaze as she knows she risks a lot because this man's eyes can see through everything.

He... Was always capable to see right through her deception. She can never hide from him.

Sasuke instead can perfectly mask his emotions, but chooses not to.

Considering how this couple's love story is embroidered into the tapestry of scorching passion, it’s no wonder that Sasuke is the one who initiates most the innuendos between them. No pronouns are more idoneous than the repetitive "Me" and "you" and the syntax of their dialogue; the flow of the conversation, the order of the words and the feelings elicited are extremely intimate.

There is history behind this couple and their now earmark stares and glances exchange support it.

Sasuke and Sakura are subtle but their body language is unique and a expressive. No fustian description can give their story justice, for it's far too complex.

That's why passion and intimacy scorch like a pyre with this pair. Every feeling, every emotion and every sentiment is augmented and exacerbated.

While he's clearly deranged by the women's litany of flirts and attempts to seduce him, he listens to Sakura's every word. He doesn't brush off her confession, he doesn't ask her to keep her distance from him, and he doesn't repay her confession with brusque scowls or growls (like he does to Karin, Ino and Mei).

Sasuke and Sakura's love story is very reminiscent to the compelling elements of Shakespeare drama in terms of its characteristic elements: the tragic hero who's suffering is the product of a peculiar  trait of fate or an extraneous force (the Uchiha curse/ manipulation and lies that surround HIM); his inner struggle (the struggle between good or bad), darkness and hatred and evil  that destroys any iota of goodness in the hero's heart, the stupendous internal and external conflict and the effect of catharsis that their feelings produce.

The strong, Naruto-esque happy ending is the only thing that differs, as Sasuke and Sakura don't end in a veritable tragedy, emphasizing the triumph of good in the manga.

I'd end by citing Obito and Hagoromo's hermeneutics:   "When a man learns how to love he must shoulder the burden of hatred."

The negativism and pessimism that attributes a negative connotation to life and suggests that pain and suffering are inherent to life and win over positive emotions - - the reign of pain and suffering.

... In conjunction with:

"I hope that this time is hatred which turns into love."

The positive overview of the humanist manga conclusion.

The positive, idealist triumph of peace, love and happiness, with love winning over pain.

It's Sakura who returned the lost peace and gave Sasuke happiness. It's her love that turned his hatred (Sasuke set on redemption journey because of lingering Uchiha demons he's scared to hurt people).

[wristic]

Death Pact

Pairing: Jerome Valeska X Reader Word Count: 2300 Warning: None

Anonymous Requested: :DDDDD could u write something for Jerome when he's in Arkham and the reader's there too and she's got everyone wrapped around her little finger and he's impressed :) also if their relationship dynamic could be v flirty that'd be super cool :)))) if u wanna change anything feel free! xxx 

~~~

What was the trick? The tactic? Why the hell did smiling and being coy work so well for you but ended with him being punched in the face? Jerome squinted harder from his spot in the med line. Sweetly, you complimented the young woman handing out medication, you joked with the guard beside her. You always had a hefty load yourself, half the plastic cup filled and colorful like candies. The cup wavered as you talked and talked and they laughed and laughed.

Come time to down the meds, you took the cup of water, winking as you walked away. Jerome’s jaw dropped, watching you walk away without them hounding you for cheeking your meds, which you did, pretending to scratch your face as you slipped them out, pocketing them to share with your more hungry inmates.

He tried it too, chatting and smiling with the staff. However they had the opposite reaction, growing more and more annoyed with him, pushing him to take his meds and prying his mouth open to check every cranny, making him take another drink and really swallow them this time lest he get a needle in an unpleasant place. Walking away to angrily toss the empty cups in the trash, he power walked up behind you, startling you with a “Hiya!”

“Oh, hello.” You bashfully smiled, twisting and shy. Quickly you tried to side step away from him, but Jerome hooked an arm over your shoulders and yanked you back to his chest.

“You seem like a good friend! The kind of friend who knows how to help a fella out!”

Still keeping up the innocent act, he giggled to himself over your forced stumbling, “I-I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I’m just trying to do my time-” You were spun into the caged cafeteria, the guards giving him a hard glare for entrapping you like he did. They all seriously bought into your demeanor? They do remember you being charged for convincing entire groups of friends into occult death packs right?

“Come on now, no one who earned the title The False Harbinger just sits and thinks pleasant thoughts all day. You must know someone who could be our ticket out of this thing right?”

Your shock was adorable, getting more and more nervous, glancing to people left and right, the guards stiffening to your defense they weren’t supposed to care about. “I-I-I’m not sure what-”

Jerome shushed you, tapping your nose after he did. “I get it, I do, never know when someone's watchin’.” He winked, “Just think on it, Gorgeous. I know how you like to have toys-oh! I mean friends!” he laughed, walking away in all confidence.

It wasn’t until night that he saw you again, oddly enough in a place he shouldn’t: his own room.

Just outside his door he could hear you whispering with a guard, Jerome sitting straight up in anticipation. When the keys jingled and shuffled into the lock of the thick iron door, he stood up and waited with a smile. The door screamed open and there you were. Sweet and shy as always, the guard breaking every rule in any asylum anywhere glaring at him, Jerome chuckled. “Well well well, what a surprise.”

The guard whispered to you, “You sure about this?”

You nodded, whispering back with a gentle smile, “And remember, no listening, this needs to be genuine.”

“But-”

“Don’t you worry about me.” You patted his shoulder, “I can always scream.”

The man’s lips went tight, his brow knitting in worry. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“I know.” You gave him one last smile and nod, stepping in and watching him shut and lock the door. The man was hesitant to leave, his footsteps slow to fade. Turning your face to Jerome, the quiet innocence didn’t let up, not even as you admitted, “For someone who wants to escape you sure are noisy about it.”

Jerome clapped, jumping up excited, “I knew it, I knew it!” A half smile slipped on you, looking about his room covered wall to wall in art, contraptions and set ups, daydreams of setting Gotham into a blaze of chaos. “I got a sense for these things ya know, nobody knows crazy like crazy!”

“I don’t like to call myself crazy.” You admitted. “More curious than anything. What can I convince people to do? How far can I push them before they realize they’re at the edge?” You softly giggled, “Dr. Strange says I have promise in his field. That if I make a full recovery he might enlist me here.” You pulled a picture of a clown, looking menacing with his smile reaching his ears and wild deranged eyes, but in a surprisingly nice suit. “Something tells me helping people isn’t his main goal.”

Jerome snuck up behind you, slipping the picture from your hand and tossing it to the side. “Does he know you’re playing his staff like sparkly-eyed dolls?” Arms snaked around your waist, spinning you back to the center of the room. “Does he know you can escape anytime you want?”

“I wouldn’t say anytime. There’s a certain piece that’s been missing...” You looked up at him, looking so chaste and mild mannered. “By myself it would be awfully suspicious to ask to escape. However, it’s just plain cruel to keep apart two crazy kids in love.”

He raised a brow to that. “You want to pretend we’re falling in love?” He snickered, “How would that work to convince anybody to sneak us out?”

You tapped on his arms still hugging you, “Clearly it wouldn’t be hard to fake, and you’d be surprised how people bleed for a good love story. All I’m asking for is some patience and a decent performance.”

His arms suddenly left you to strike a casanova pose, “Performance is what I’m all about, baby!” Jerome held out his hand which you took with a giggle, him kissing it and pulling you back to his chest where he held you again, swaying in a subtle dance. “Just say the word and I am at your mercy!”

Your laugh died down in a sigh before you pointed out, “You might want to tone it down a bit.”

“Now you’re not being any fun.”

~~~

      Jerome’s foot tapped fast under the table, glaring past the windows, caged and frosted, blocking the outside with a sheet of dusty light. He heard your voice in the background, talking with the guards. It had been a good three months of you devising every step, asking a few strange things here and there, but now you asked him to get mad at you.

It wasn’t hard. The only way he could see this going down was with him getting locked up tighter and the staff carrying you off on a golden sympathy chair to freedom. You came around, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Jerome?” He looked away. You were playing him, you played everyone and he let himself become another piece. You ran a hand through his hair and sat down with a nervous smile, “Jerome, what’s wrong?”

The only rule was not to physically hurt you. You made it imperative, no physical retaliation no matter how amped up he got or else it would ‘ruin everything’. He was tempted on that alone to rip your hands from him and shove you to the ground. Instead he jerked away from your touch, mumbling, “Go away.”

You scooted closer, trying to see his face. One thing he had to hand to you, you were a damn good actor. Worrying your lip, concern dripped from your words. “I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”

He mumbled, twisting a stray string on his shirt and you asked for him to clarify. “I said, Leave me alone!” He shouted, jumping up. As he walked away, you frantically stood up and followed after him. You grabbed his wrist, agitating him into suddenly grabbing you by both arms, raising you to your tiptoes. He halted, feeling a conflicting knot in his head. The guards held their breath, waited for him to give them a reason. To lock him up in a small chest and never let him out. 

A piece, a very very small piece of Jerome wanted to think you were still on his side, that all this wasn’t for nothing. Pretending to be dating for the past three months had been fun. It was impossible to tell how much of it was fake or real, but you were easy to get along with. You laughed at his jokes, you took part in his stunts, you didn’t at all mind letting him have the limelight. You did it all with a smile.

However Jerome refused to believe he’d fall for your charm. You didn’t care for him, it was a plan, he was only a piece in a plan.

Gently, he put you back down. Fighting with his raging self to not remain passive, old memories throwing themselves at him of just where passive got him.

Pulling his shaking hands to himself he huffed through his nose. “Just-just leave me alone.”

You’d better hold up your end. If you didn’t he supposed it wouldn’t be a problem. You’d just be on his list, and you might be able to escape Arkham but there would be no escaping his wrath.

~~~

This time as night came, the Dr. Barros who handed out meds and her guard were there with you, both completely silent as you stepped in and shut the door behind yourself. Jerome stood, something in his bones telling him this was wrong. Instinct twisted in his gut, whispering he should run. You walked toward him steadily, assured. Without any hesitation, your hands came up to his face, pulled him down to your lips.

It was the first kiss you gave him and the first allowed. Always assuring baiting held people’s interest tighter. He was entirely put off, stiff in not expecting this and it only spoke louder about something being amiss here. The shock didn’t stop it from feeling nice though, needy but as gentle as you always played.

Hesitantly Jerome raised his hands to your shoulders. You pulled on his shirt, signaling him to give in and keep playing into the forgiveness act. It was hard to tell how far it was supposed to go. There were people outside after all and they hadn’t left. However every slip of your lips, every soft touch of your hands and fingers, you kept deepening it, pulling him closer to some edge until you broke to breathe, short soft panting heating the air between you.  

Something sharp pressed into his neck. He couldn’t see it, but very clearly recognized it as a thin needle itching just barely under his skin. It was hidden in your sleeve, but you wouldn’t empty it. You stared up into him, wide doe eyes asking for his permission. The tension was clearly making you dizzy as your other hand clutched his shoulder. You wanted his consent, begged for it.

He felt a bit cold, a bit hesitant, this was crazy. Good thing crazy was his constant state of mind. With a chuckle Jerome pulled you into his chest in a big hug, right back into that invading kiss he didn’t realize before he wanted so badly.

The needle burned as it sliced the rest of the way into him. Jerome grunted by the pain, a fresh wave of cold rushing up the veins in his neck. Yet as soon as it when it, you pulled back, holding the empty needle before him. A dizzy wave hit him as you stepped out his grip, a beautiful giggle echoing in his room, watching him stumble to his knees.

“Wha-what did you-... is this going to kill me?”

“Sorry,” You whispered, dropping the needle and falling on your knees beside him, pretending to hold him dearly, “I just had to see if you’d actually do it!” The more his energy was sapped from him it seemed to go to you, looming over him with the biggest smile he’d ever seen.

As he tapped his fingers to your ecstatic grin, Jerome fell in love all over again. With a snicker he got one last word out, “Crazy.”

~~~

      The blinding white light was out of place. So was the smell of oolong tea and the sound of people chattering, dulled behind a screen. Blinking, a massive headache started beating against his skull. Jerome groaned and started rubbing his burning eyes.

“You’re up!” A very familiar, very sweet voice came. Suddenly his feet were tossed up for you to jump out from under, carelessly letting them drop on the couch and shaking his migraine. You came back with some water and some aspirin. “She said you’d be a bit groggy until you drank some water.”

He couldn’t take his eyes off you. The more psychotic version of you wouldn’t leave his head, craving to see it again. For now he forced himself to sit up, taking the cup. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you, I knew-”

“Don’t you worry, Dr. Barros knocked me out afterwards too, I just wanted to see how much you trusted me.”

“Which I don’t anymore.” He mumbled between gulps of water he was hungering more with every sip.  

“Oh! That reminds me! I saved it for you!”

“Saved what?”

You ran over to the stand of videos, pulling an untitled one out and pushing it into the VCR. What played was a news report, talking about young love found in the oddest of places, how it ended in a double suicide, a true tragedy. You listened, placing a hand over your heart in an exaggerated amorous sigh.

It was then he really looked around, a small apartment decorated with old age femininity. Floral green couch with knitted colorful blankets, vases of flowers and decorated mugs and plates. Was this supposed to be Barros’ apartment?

“We’re out?” He asked in disbelief.

“We’re out!” You excitedly jumped up, a little of that well hidden energy seeping out.

Just as he was about to celebrate he snapped, “And you did it by making me think I was really gonna die!?”

You were actually shocked by his reaction, shrugging with an innocent defense, “I thought you’d think it was funny!”

You were lying, but damn if it wasn’t a cute reason and damn if it didn’t have an effect on him. “You little scamp! Get over here!”

You hopped onto the couch next to him, where Jerome yanked you up the rest of the way, crashing you into a bear hug. He stole a kiss and you tensed in surprise. He held you against him like a snake. Letting you know no guards were going to make him hesitate anymore. Maybe Arkham had been your game, but out here, it was his turn to call the shots.

[tomatomagazine]

Meditations on First Idolatry: Why We Overdose On Love

By Polden Grey

I have an instinctive urge to answer the question “What is love?” with a line from a famous song, but more often than not, I find myself earnestly pondering the question. This nocturnal reflection, therefore, will serve as an accretion of thoughts on Romanticism and the Human Condition. We will travel through time, look at how love is depicted in “The Myth of Pygmalion and Galatea” in the ancient world, proceed to Hector Berlioz’s Symphonie Fantastique (1830) and arrive at Martin Scorsese’s “Taxi Driver” (1976). Love is a narcotic, and it is often too easy to overdose.


Have we truly changed how we love? The social dynamics of love are still dictated by ideas set forth by Romanticism; 18th century ideals that drastically changed how we perceive love, sex, work and life in general. Our love lives are influenced by Romanticism to a point where it is difficult to take a step back and rethink what it means to love. We are minions set out to find our soulmates, and we are told that when we find “the one,” we will understand the meaning of life, and all our problems will be solved. However, if we happen to fail, a sad lonely life full of suffering awaits us. This forced pursuit of happiness gives rise to what we will call the “Galatea Effect”. Ancient Greek mythology tells the story of Pygmalion, a sculptor who set out to carve the perfect statue. He worked day and night, almost in a state of frenzy. To his surprise, when the statue was finished, he found himself beholding the most beautiful creation he had ever seen. He fell desperately in love with a statue that was so real to him, yet could in no way requite his love. He was filled with unbearable pain. In the myth, Aphrodite, the goddess of love, could not ignore Pygmalion’s pure devotion and took pity on him. One day, as Pygmalion came home, he hopelessly touched Galatea’s hand and felt a warmth he had never felt before. Her hand grabbed his; their lips touched. She, and therefore all his projected ideals, were given life. 
    

In the real world, however, there is no divine intervention. The universe is indifferent to such trivialities. It is fairly easy to see that in our era, Pygmalion would be just another deranged man. There are many Pygmalions out there who try to project qualities they find desirable or relatable on to their love interests, whether these are accurate or not. There is a need to find a soulmate as soon as possible, or they will be forever incomplete. That is when the “Galatea effect” kicks in and they begin to force their love story as one would desperately carve the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle to fit. They look back at Romantic literature, and keep the stories and ballads close to heart. There is a strong urge to recreate what they have read and heard. They cannot quite understand why they are so strongly attracted to their person of interest, but their pursuit and suffering feels justified. Every line, every gesture from their beloved is framed in their mind. Their hearts ache and affection grows stronger, just as Pygmalion’s did as he toiled to create an artificial representation of his love. Romantic literature and songs tell them that love always finds a way. 

Then reality hits them hard. The beloved does not requite their love. They cannot wrap their heads around it. Soon many questions flood their brain. One unanswerable query after another, and the feeling of anger and frustration seeps in. Finally, like many of their Romantic heroes, they resort to extreme measures. This three-phase pattern of projection, rejection and cathartic violence is found frequently in Romantic narratives and constitute what we call the “Galatea Effect.”    

Now we will look at the Galatea Effect in two works that are strikingly similar in ways that they depict the matters of heart. The works featured will be Berlioz’s Symphonie Fantastique (1830) and Scorsese’s “Taxi Driver” (1976). This back-and-forth comparison will shine light on the glorification of obsessive behavior in Romanticism.     

First movement of Symphonie Fantastique,  named “Reveries – Passions”, opens with a slow introduction quite similar to the sonata form in pieces from the Classical Era. The veiled strings in the introduction echo the operatic lament of a lonely man, a “young musician, afflicted by the sickness of spirit,” as described by Berlioz himself. The laments are brought to an abrupt end, followed swiftly by a haunting memory of the beloved in the form of a musical motif called idée fixe. This forty bar representation of the beloved will reappear throughout the symphony, all the while undergoing alterations in instrumentation, rhythm, meter, and tempo. A continuously rising phrase reveals an ardent yearning for the beloved. Later on, the motif, much like his hope, dies out with falling intervals. The last bars of the movement, the coda, are marked Religiosamente, and consists of “Amen” cadences, voicing the spiritual calm before the storm.   

Paralleling this descent-into-hell narrative is the story of Travis Bickle in “Taxi Driver.” In the opening scene of the movie, the camera locks on to the paranoid eyes of “God’s lonely man” overlooking urban isolation. Very much like Symphonie Fantastique’s first movement, with its unequal phrases that focus more on expression than structure, the ever-moving camera and the off-center framing gives a subtle hint at looming emotional instability. A misanthrope, Travis is ironically obsessed with relationships, convinced that it will fill the existential void in his life. This is the premise of Romanticism, the promise of ultimate truth and happiness. So it is no surprise when Travis, in a menacingly sluggish voice reminisces the first time he saw his Galatea: “I first saw her at Palantine Campaign headquarters at 63rd and Broadway. She was wearing a white dress. She appeared like an angel. Out of this filthy mess, she is alone. They...cannot...touch...her.” Now he has someone on which to project his own loneliness. Like many victims of limerence, he is unable to fathom that she may never requite his interest, no matter how many times he calls or how many roses he sends.     

The second movement of Symphonie Fantastique, “A Ball,” depicts the musician being content during a waltz, but some bars in, we hear the iconic idée fixe,  which is now in triple meter and accompanied by the waltz. He has seen the beloved once more in the ball, and now the ingenious tremolo strings in the background speak of a man trembling at the presence of the beloved. One can imagine her slowly fading back into the crowd, and the waltz goes on, After a while, he sees her again. The reiteration of idée fixe is unaccompanied, as if time has slowed down. With a sudden outburst of the orchestra, the waltz snaps back fortissimo risoluto and she disappears once more into the crowd.   

The third movement, “Scene in the Countryside,” opens with the musician observing a conversation between two shepherds in the background of a sleepy meadow. The introduction starts with a call from the English Horn and an answer from the off-stage oboe in the distance. Vestiges of idée fixe surface from the flute and oboe with altered basses. Not even this calm scenery can stop his mind from racing to her. As time passes, the ascending phrases from idée fixe are accompanied by increasingly unsettling falling scales. The memory of her is now tainted with anger and confusion. The outro has the horn call the oboe again, but this time only thunder is heard. The English Horn tries calling one more time,  and the sound produced from the four timpanies create yet another formidable thunder. He calls her many times, but to no avail. He spent almost three movements carving out the ideal soulmate, just to find that his devotion has fallen on deaf ears.     

In “Taxi Driver,” Travis decides to don a red velvet coat and go see his beloved, Betsy, in person. He rushes into her office. When he asks her out for coffee and pie, she asks about his intentions. “I think you're a lonely person. I drive by this place a lot and I see you here. I see a lot of people around you. And I see all these phones and all this stuff on your desk. It means nothing. Then when I came inside and I met you, I saw in your eyes and I saw the way you carried yourself that you're not a happy person. And I think you need something.” Travis replies, again not realizing that loneliness, confusion and unhappiness are projected qualities that belong to him. She coyly accepts the invitation. Just like the beginning of the third movement (English Horn and oboe), the audience can feel an authentic connection between Travis and Betsy forming. It is not long before he comes up with the idea of taking her to an adult theater for their date. This will be the last time they are together as she walks out of the theater in disgust and takes a cab home. Initially, this may come off as a crude sexual innuendo, but if you pay attention to Travis’s earlier visit to the theater, his facial expression is one of melancholic curiosity and not arousal. He truly believed it when he pleaded with Betsy that “all kinds of couples go here.” He was genuinely confused by the negative outcome. Feeling no sexual desire for Betsy, he synthesizes sexual tension by going to the adult theater. In an attempt to appear normal, he became abhorrently abnormal.       

A day after the incident, he tries calling Betsy, the conversation’s awkwardness is heightened as the camera slowly pans away from Travis and shows us the narrow hallway that leads to a dark alley. Sparing the audience from having to witness his struggle. “I tried several times to call her, but after the first call, she wouldn't come to the phone any longer. I also sent flowers but with no luck. The smell of the flowers only made me sicker. The headaches got worse.” He remembers the rejection, almost mirroring the English Horn-Timpani exchange at the end of  Symphonie Fantastique’s third movement. “I realize now how much she's just like the others - cold and distant, and many people are like that.” We hear Travis’ voice while we watch him burn the flowers he bought for her in the sink. Despite his relentless efforts, he now has to deal with the full weight of being rejected. “I really, you know, I really wanna, I got some bad ideas in my head, I just…”  he warns of an imminent eruption of repressed desires.     

The fourth movement of Symphonie Fantastique, “March to the Scaffold,” opens with a fearsome environment where the musician tries to commit suicide by overdosing on opium. Instead of dying, however, his mind sinks into a nightmarish world as he imagines an angry crowd carrying him to the scaffold for the murder of his beloved.  The feeble and innocent idée fixe appears for the last time in its unadulterated form during the coda, letting us know that the musician is still thinking of the beloved. The orchestra suddenly surges, and the guillotine blade falls, decapitating the musician. A repeating chord is played triumphantly as the crowd cheers at this scene of violence.     

Final movement, “Dream of a Witches' Sabbath”, places the protagonist yet again in an ominous environment. Berlioz creates a believable demonic atmosphere through dynamic variations and a host of instrumental effects. Out of darkness the screeching laughter of the trombone taunts the musician and fades away. Idée fixe resurfaces, but something is not right. The motif is now played vexingly, giving a vulgar representation of the beloved.  Bells are tolled and Dies Irae, the Gregorian chant of death is heard. The musician can be faintly heard screaming in agony, diabolical excitement churns in the orchestra as it victoriously plays the finishing major chord. Thus, delivering the long awaited coup de grâce to the musician.

It is a strange conclusion that has always puzzled me. Why the joyous ending? Did he wake up from the opium induced nightmare? Is his death or insanity the ultimate display of love? Are we to sympathize with him, and celebrate his martyrdom? “Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man. June 8th. My life has taken another turn again. The days can go on with regularity over and over, one day indistinguishable from the next. A long continuous chain. Then suddenly, there is a change.” Travis narrates over a shot of him once again devoured in the dark demonic streets of New York. He continues to surround himself with criminals and sets out to buy a .44 Magnum. Similar to the musician’s case, suicidal tendencies are visible, yet Travis wants his death to be more meaningful; he wants to become a martyr. “All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go.” Now the only way he can satiate that need is through death. Marking his entrance to the “cathartic violence” phase.    

In the second half of the movie, we see his obsession shift from Betsy to Iris, a young prostitute. We see another restaurant scene with Iris mirroring the one Travis had earlier with Betsy, but now his charm is replaced with disillusionment. He tells her that she is too young to be doing what she is doing, that she needs to go back to her parents. Iris does not take this well. “So what makes you so high and mighty. Will you tell me that? Didn't you ever try lookin' in your own eyeballs in the mirror?” 

After much paranoid preparation and rocking the ritualistic mohawk, he goes out to the devil’s lair where Iris works. He guns down her pimp, and proceeds to brutally murder the child molesters, criminals, “fuckers” and “screwheads”. He executes Iris’s client in front of her eye and she screams as the blood spatters on the wall. He then proceeds to shoot himself in the head, but no bullets remain. He falls on the sofa as police storm the place, and greets them with a murderous grin. With his blood soaked hand he makes an imaginary gun and puts it against his head, pulling the trigger three times. During final scenes we see that Travis has recovered and hailed as a hero. He has returned to being a taxi driver, and the last customer we see is none but the elusive Betsy. “How much was it?” she asks, and Travis grins and drives away. Camera moves to the high contrast New York streets, much like the beginning of the movie. The imagery eerily speeds up as Travis adjusts the front mirror to look in his own eyeballs. Credits roll.   

 These stories are more than a century apart, however, the love dynamic is almost identical. There is a reason we relate to these characters, and there is a reason that a phenomenon like “Galatea effect” is so prevalent in our modern lives. We have experienced it first hand, know someone close who has, or worse, were in the position of rejecting someone. Open the radio, and listen to a recent trending song. You are likely to hear a work heavily influenced by Romantic ideas. The narratives are reinforced over and over again, inviting us to reenact them. This urge to participate is so strong that listeners find it a cause for celebration when they can finally, truly connect with such songs. We built upon what we've established so far to  make one last point: 

Romanticism is a dated frame of reference that continues to influence popular culture. It is based on the music, poetry, and essays of key figures who were nearly exclusively male. Romanticism persists to define our current societal notion of expectations for love. Men are encouraged through popular culture to fall obsessively in love and relish in the pain of rejection. Women are offered up as targets for this obsessive love, and labeled derogatorily if they spurn a suitor. Popular culture is based on love stories from 18th century male viewpoints that alienate the female perspective. We need a new notion of love fit for this century where suitors are not encouraged to fall into unhealthy obsession, and the people on the other side can feel free to reject without fear of repercussion. When we reflect on love a century from now, may we be able to draw upon contemporary works that promote a healthy, inclusive perspective on love.  Romanticism stopped being truly romantic a long time ago. A new chapter on love is waiting to be written by the thinkers of tomorrow.