#gives me nightmares to this day
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hajihiko · 3 months ago
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lovesickeros · 6 months ago
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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tkachukisms · 7 months ago
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my mind is a beautiful place full of love | last post :)
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visions--of--collisions · 1 year ago
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miles opening up to hobie like he can't help himself "how are you even cooler under the mask?" "we got in a fight, but ... they just want what's best for me" "i want to be in a band; i wanna see my friends, and i need a watch to do that" when he knows him all of 30mins and is convinced the guy's his Rival For Gwen's Affections would be so fucking funny if it didn't make me so emotionaL
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sivilvendetta · 10 months ago
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The man dresses for the occasion.
Sinister Sweethearts Jack X Reader chapter two is a go!
Also bonus doodle of Reader's dress
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pretty girl u//w//u
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liamlawsonlesbian · 1 month ago
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shadyhouse · 4 days ago
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making a new post bc the other one is pretty bulky, im about to be severely overdrafted when i pay my rent in a few days and i really really really cant let that happen :( pls if you have anything to spare i'd appreciate it, im in the process of finding a new job because my current one refuses to give me hours. im transmasc and i dont have a car so finding a job has been difficult but im doing everything i can to make ends meet. even just spreading this around helps
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr
vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 🥺💕
90/450
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flortakuxd · 1 month ago
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Oh, it's Halloween, time to read my favorite horror book
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TRK - TKM
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vvkingofgaybisciutsvv · 28 days ago
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Listen sometimes you are simply possessed with the need to listen to Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY on repeat for as long as it takes. And thats okay.
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yippee-optimistically · 6 months ago
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from this concept:
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I now have a very cool, very soft, and entirely hand-made 2017 Louie plush !!!!!!
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Very silly tail ⬇️
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He has a completely functional pull-apart jacket zipper !!!
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Also completely functional: the pockets 😼
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And here is also a closeup on the little phone
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He is made up almost entirely of fleece, all hand-sewn. His shirt and some of his eyes are felt (also the scar on his foot). He's stuffed with polyfill . He's weighed down with lentils 😭 His pattern is made custom by me :) I'm not sure exactly how long he took, but I'd guess some amount of months. Maybe 2, but maybe only a few weeks of collective actual work days
He does also have a dog toy type squeaker in him
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sinlizards · 7 months ago
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Hi!! I super duper adore your art and am continually inspired by you. I didn’t want to sound overbearing by emailing you about this, but I’ve been wondering if you’re still working on commissions/bonus sketches. It’s totally fine if that isn’t the case, but I wanted to check with you to see if I just needed to check my spam folder or something. OTL. Take care, thank you! Your recent Buried Stars stuff is so yummy.
Hey sorry for the delayed reply but yes I'm still working on comms! For full transparency 's sake I did wanna give a rundown of whats been going on in regards to commission stuff: as the situation stands right now I've been offering refunds to those who have reached out via email since my jobs have been taking up all my time and energy and its already been an extremely long wait as is. If you still would like to wait/change your commission I am also okay with that it just may take a bit as I can only really work on art in-between work
I took on a bit more than I could chew back then since I was in a bit of an emergency to try to get funds to move before our lease ended. Now with 2 jobs it's harder to work on art but I still wanna try to finish up what i have or at least pay people back! I am deeply sorry about the wait and I hope I can wrap this all up soon :]
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somegrumpynerd · 8 months ago
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I'm actually super curious about Horror's over eating problem like, in the first two weeks? I'm kinda wondering how Nightmare helped with that!
In his defence, after what he went through pretty much any eating would have been too much.
Like Horror hadn't eaten in years, and suddenly he finds himself in a place where food just exists. Like it's just around and he can take it - he's encouraged to take it because after the other two Nightmare was making a point of saying you must eat to his henchmen when they joined.
So he did the only reasonable thing and went hog wild.
There was no problem as far as the others were concerned - Nightmare was honestly relieved to see he'd chosen a mortal who would feed himself, and hearing him rip into an entire loaf of bread dry like an animal was the right first impression to leave on Dust and Killer. (Not that either of them would kill a teammate for fun, but without any LV and no kills Horror was lacking the intimidation factor they had. It's amazing how after you watch a guy shovel dry pasta shapes into his mouth by hand like his life depends on it you want to give him a bit of space to settle in).
The problem really was that going from eating nothing for years to eating half a kitchen all at once is a terrible idea, and he ended up making himself pretty sick from it. But the next time he went to the kitchen he just did it again, because the fear of going back to starvation told him to just eat it all now so it couldn't disappear. This went on for days, to the point Nightmare was considering doing a tour of aus to find a doctor who could find out what was wrong (and not rat him out to Dream), until Dust came forward with the suggestion of building him up slowly.
It was rough having to limit him, Horror has never been as grumpy as he was in those first few weeks (it turns out he didn't need the pasta to match the others on intimidation, hunger mood swings work just fine.) But eventually he was able to keep food down, and by then Nightmare had made a schedule to make sure they weren't fed too much or too little which was useful for all three.
So he finally had all his henchmen eating properly! And it only took like 2 years c:
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spotaus · 1 month ago
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Hi guys, this is usually what a doodle page ends up looking like <3 (oh, and @ancha-aus thought you might like this! Not writing but certainly fuel to my fire lol-)
This one is New Age filled!!! (Close-ups abd Lore beneath the cut!)
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1) Night and Cross!
Night is actually very clingy once he's a teen. He doesn't usually realize it, but around the castle he'll snake to be closer to his Knights so long as there's no one he needs to keep his composure infront of is nearby. Cross is the one who's not used to physical touch (when it's not Ink ofc) so Night in his personal bubble makes his heart melt but also scares tf out of him <3
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2) Error and Night's Meeting!
Error was carrying his whole life on his back and trying not to get arrested for unintentional property damage at this point, so when he saw the chance to get back at his brother and prove he was strong enough? Yeah, he got that on chance instantly. And was VERY smug when Nightmare chose him. (Also, Error is wearing gloves, so less Haphephobia)
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3) Dream and Blue designs!
I think these are good tentative designs! Dream probably has a more regal fit, but he likes to play up that rugged exile look- He's inspired by Archers, while Blue takes on that classic Knightly-vibe. Their equipment is mostly stolen from Night's troops or brought with them from Blue's home kingdom.
Also, Dream is approx Killer's height at this point, shorter than Cross and *much* shorter than Apple!Nightmare. (Hc that Skeletons tend to be tinier in stature thanks to weird monster beauty standards. Horror and Geno's fam are outliers.)
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4) Horror and Dust designs!
Horror is naturally a very *large* monster. He's very malnourished when Nightmare meets him, but by the time he's a Knight Nightmare has made sure that's no longer the case. He actually loves comfy, simple clothes, but to play up the whole 'strong mysterious' bit he wears a more barbaric Knight's garb. He doesn't mind acting scary, it's more fun that way :]. Dust is very very small, and envies horror sometimes for his size, but his tiny stature let's him control his body and move a lot quicker. He's very much based on a rogue, and usually covers the lower part of his face w/ a black cloth, and the upper part w/ his hood or mask. Dust only removes both to bathe, eat, or relax in a safe location. (Ignore that I can't draw the stupid gaster blaster lmao-)
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These last two were space-fillers, but Cross and his Borzoi (Windmill, otherwise known as Milly (Killer named her-)) and really bad first wips of Ccino! I think Ccino was a chubby, happy toddler, but lost a lot of 'weight' (bone mass? Magic?) due to stress and pressure and bad eating habits. So it isn't until a while after the Coronation that he starts to relax abd feel safe enough to eat normal meals (Nightmare used to guilt him into eating snacks together, but as his boss (and younger brother) he can encourage it more often). By the time Killer shows he's still not quite healthy, but he's better. As more weight is lifted off his shoulders, the better he is. (That 'beauty' most people saw was a more stereotypical slimness, but Killer never stopped seeing Ccino as beautiful-) I think he never looked traditionally underweight, so no one noticed, and it was only much later that Night processed it. (And maybe it's why Dream hardly recognized him later on-)
#new age au#I love showing mundane life things-#and also these designs beamed into my brain#I can't draw Ccino for anything but the others? yeag#Blue is definitely my fave. and just like every au I will draw Blue perfect the first time and draw Dust 6 billion times 😔#Horror is kinda banger too tho#makes me laugh to imagine Horror picking up Dust mid-fight out of convenience and Dust weighs nothing to him#(also this size difference is exactly why Dust and Horror fight in the non-magic training. and why Horror accidentally obliterated his#shoulder later on lmao- Dust needs to be able to dodge any enemy. Horror needs to aim for small and quick targets.)#(Meanwhile Cross is the newest and Killer the oldest and if Cross adapts to Killer then he'll adapt to the others more easily.)#oh! and Ccino w/ his arc? I think I really like the idea of a Ccino with a plump body-type. but that conflicts with my vidion of Ccino kinda#losing track of eating and being co-erced by adults to skip meals just enough to make him the 'right amount' of curvy#so when Nightmare takes over it's a habit he's so used to he hardly notices that he's doing it. but. Night picks up on it because Ccino is#almost akways with him. their relationship is very much Ccino giving his life to help Night#but it's also Night recognizing that and giving it back to Ccino along with more the moment he can#just smth smth this au is full of fit and exercized people and I think Ccino deserves some comfort and healing and positivity <3#also I am SO fond of Nightmare getting up in people's bubbles. he does it most to Killer and Ccino for obvious reasons but#god forbid a noble be talking behind his back because he *will* twist around and shove under his knight's arms or sides just to#read them the riot act or stare them down <3#and I think when he was an adult Night was... kinda like the big brother? like. not an experienced one by any means. but he wasn't *not*#affectionate then either. he was better at being serious about it and more discreet. but like#Nervous Cross escorting him in public? Night nudges his shoulder briefly with a Tendril to try and comfort him. Dust having a magic overload#? personal Training against just Night so there was no risk of harming anyone else. then snacks and tea after.#Horror is homesick? Woah look at that a scheduled trip back to visit with Crop and side-track back to Horror's village? huh?? wild...#Killer upset at all? Night will find a solution. just you wait. a cat. two cats. perhaps even a cat in a little sweater? or y'know. just a#chat or a combat?#Nightmare showed his affections but was just more distant about it.#Oh also. all four were used to tendrils lifting/tugging them subconsciously. usually during trainings to avoid them hurting eachother by#mistake in their early days. Killer misses it sometimes
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mcl38 · 1 year ago
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girl!drivers part six: 81
(series)
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one-time-i-dreamt · 2 years ago
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I gave birth to a fully dressed toddler. I could physically feel his little shoes and jeans slip out and he had on one of those little plaid hoodies from the 2010s. I couldn’t stop screaming.
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apricote · 1 month ago
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