#given it was written in the 90s
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grassbreads · 4 months ago
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I'm like 5 chapters into Pet Shop of Horrors and it's honestly a little embarrassing how much this guy was brewed in a lab to appeal to me specifically
He's vaguely sinister he's deeply silly he's beautiful he's super mysterious and he's a little bit fruity. He runs a needful things-esque pet shop he has an intense sweet tooth and his dentist is inexplicably a dominatrix. He already has the beginnings of a weird gay thing going on with the detective that's investigating the deaths the pets he sells keep causing.
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darthlenaplant · 1 day ago
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Rules: make a poll with five of your all-time favourite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favourite.
Thanks to @galadhir for tagging me 🥰
I tag: @the-stray-liger @pflanzidiezimmerpflanze @whoophoney @why0should0i @apples-only
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fritextramole · 2 years ago
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Gossip Girl 2x25 "The Goodbye Gossip Girl" // 3x07 "How to Succeed in Bassness"
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paceplace · 11 months ago
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it's kind of a shame the devs back in tto never thought to give certain NPCs, particularly the storyline and SOS-relevant ones, special outfits that no one can obtain as a way for them to stand out from the others. i'm pretty sure i've said this before but i've always been fond of the alternative outfits clara, flippy, and professor pete wore in their character trading cards and i think it would've been neat to see how they'd go about making personalized designs for all of them in accordance to their role in the tooniverse/personality/shtick (if applicable).
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pretty sure the closest thing the folks over at disney did to give their npc's "uniqueness" aside from their shops was altering flippy's in-game model/making it so that his name can't be something that's accepted by players so people can't make a toon thats an exact replica of him and giving two (2) npc's colored gloves but that's it.
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rawliverandgoronspice · 2 years ago
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every time I rewatch OoT cutscenes I am hit with the realization that Ganondorf OoT is so... unrefined compared to any of his other apparitions. Like he has, for the most part, zero idea about what's going on at any given time, he's just kind of jumping from temper tantrum to temper tantrum and going ????? every time anyone does anything, and just having kind of a lot of good luck that things align the way he hoped, but that's in very little part thanks to proper planning and more due to everybody being huge idiots concurrently to him also being a huge idiot, but like, slightly less? so he wins congrats ganon you made it because you flared two compatible braincells twice in the whole game, aka 1) following link to the temple of time and 2) waiting for zelda to appear on her own once link is running around, that's it that's the only big brain things you really did, and calling them big brain things is doing a lot of legwork here
(this take is brought to you by: me who had forgotten that he apparently??? discovers that Zelda and Link are the two chosen bearers of the Triforce ONLY when Link goes to face him in the final battle, which, I don't want to idiot shame him but come on)
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ssaalexblake · 1 year ago
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i'd forgotten how much i enjoyed txf when they Aren't trying their best to sabotage the show with their own overarching plots or treating scully like shit
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ectonurites · 2 years ago
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getting inspiration for another longfic when i still have to finish the one i have half posted… hrmmmm
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kumakuma-circus · 2 months ago
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i'm cooking rn. 😎 ignore the fact that this is like two months old-
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he will become visible soon.
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casscainmainly · 5 months ago
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My Top 10 Batgirl (2000) Moments
This is my list of top 10 Batgirl (2000) moments!! There were so many to choose from, but these are my personal favs :)). Counting down from 10 to my absolute favourite.
10. Volving
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An absolute classic. Perfectly encapsulates what Cass does throughout the entire run, and more writers should play with Cass' use of language like this!
9. Beat Up Every Mob In Gotham
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Perfect encapsulation of the early Barbara-Cass dynamic, and one of the funniest moments in the series. Just love the expressions and the way this shows so much of Cass' character.
8. Choosing to Write
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The entirety of issue #2 builds up to this heart-wrenching moment. After delivering a dead man's final message to his wife, Cass sees the wife's reaction to the written message and decides to learn to write. A foundational moment for her character, and a nice motherly Babs scene too.
7. Alpha Redemption
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Capping off issues 35 + 36, Batgirl unmasks herself to convince Alpha (an amnesiac villain) that he doesn't have to be defined by his past. Brilliantly displays her core belief that people can change, and the fact that her belief pays off makes this moment extremely moving.
6. For God's Sake
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Possibly a controversial pick, but I really like this moment because it underscores some of the fundamental conflict between Babs and Cass. They love each other, but they don't always understand each other, particularly in regards to each other's disabilities. A painful moment that should have been explored more.
5. Fight For Your Life
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My favourite Stephanie and Cass moment in this run. You can feel Cass' grief throughout this hallucination, but there's also so much hope and love (for Stephanie and for herself). It's an amazing conclusion to Cass' initial suicidal tendencies: instead of desiring death, she now actively fights to live.
4. Darknight Detectives
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This interaction sums up a lot of Bruce and Cass' best moments. Cass' unwavering moral beliefs, Bruce's pride, their instinctive understanding of each other; they just get each other in a way few others do. I picked this one instead of the 'instinct/good answer' moment because it also marks Cass' development in her detective ability. From Moment 8 above to here, the confidence in her mental capacities has grown so much. She really volved!
3. Perfect For A Year
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I mean of course this had to be here. These lines literally take up 90% of my brain space, it's an incredibly tense moment that illustrates Cass' desire to be perfect, her need to be useful and good. This issue is also just awesome.
2. You're... Not
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Another absolute classic. Illustrates Cass' compassion and her belief that people aren't defined by their lineage, which is particularly personal to her, given her own dad. This struggle between good/bad, parent/child defines many of Cass' best stories.
1. Who Do You Think You Are? + Father's Day
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What else would number 1 be?? Issue 33 is my favourite in the entire run, and the entire thing is stacked with moments that could fill up this list. I just love 'who do you think you are' because it's all of Cass' rage spilling out, and yet she still loves David Cain in her own complicated way (and he reciprocates, too). Then we have the ending, which is the BEST Bruce and Cass moment ever. The sparse, meaningful dialogue, the expressions, the reveal of the TITLE: comic book writing at its finest.
Honorary mention to the Shiva/Cass fight, which just narrowly missed out.
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msgexymunson · 1 year ago
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Dr E. Munson, D.D.S
Description: praise from your dentist is the last thing you thought would stoke your passions. During another meeting, intoxicated after surgery, you accidently tell him how he makes you feel. 
Warnings: Fluff, angst and smut, my favourite trio. NSFW Minors DNI, reader mid 20s and Eddie mid to late 30s but not explicitly stated, no real time given implied 90s but written as open, reader is AFAB, no use of Y/N, tooth extraction (don’t worry it's not gory), little to no knowledge of the dental industry (please don't come for me I tried my best), fem oral receiving, overstimulation, massive praise kink, p in v protected sex.
A/N: Well, the tale of my praise kink being activated at the dentist appears to have struck a chord with you all, so as unbelievable as this is, just go with it. Eddie's a dentist. Not just a dentist, but a soft pleasure dom dentist ;) I tried to make it believable!! Also, I can't write short fics anymore. I gotta get elaborate before I get into the good ole porn. 
🖤 Comments and reblogs are my lifeblood, please reblog if you want me to keep writing, it really makes my day sweethearts. 🖤
8.8K words
Masterlist
Fidgeting restlessly with your rings, your leg shakes compulsively as you sit in the sterile waiting room. You really wish you didn't have to go through this alone, but your best friend Alex is working and you are far too old to be going to the dentist with your mom. 
Needs must, though. Yesterday, whilst you were eating one of your nieces candy suckers of all things, you bit down and shattered a wisdom tooth. Just thinking about it you can see Dr Burke's stern face, with his ridiculously bushy eyebrows and wrinkled frown, telling you off for eating too much sugar. 
When the perky receptionist calls your name and instructs you to go to room 2, you're a wobbling bubble of nerves. Walking over the cheap linoleum on click clack heels, you pause for a moment outside the door in confusion. 
The little plaque on the wooden door is different. It used to hold old Dr Burke's name on it, but it's changed. 
Dr E. Munson, D.D.S.
Swinging the door open, you see a much younger man sitting on a swivel stool looking over some notes. His hair is long and wavy, so long he's scraped it into a low ponytail, and there's a sprinkle of stubble over his face. As he looks up, you're met with the deepest, most soulful brown eyes you've ever seen. And is that, an eyebrow piercing? He flashes a grin, one filled with such mischief that for a second you forget why you're here. 
“Well hello! You must be my next patient. Take a seat right here.” 
He pats the treatment chair but you still stand gormlessly by the door. 
“You're not Dr Burke.”
Well done idiot, state the obvious.
“Seems your eyesights OK.” 
He shoots a wink at you which immediately turns your insides to jello. 
“Dr Burke retired actually. I'm Dr Munson, I just moved to the city. You can call me Eddie.” 
He extends a hand out to you. Shuffling forward in your pencil skirt you click your way over to him and take his hand. It's huge, enveloping your own, but he holds your hand with care and shakes it very gently. 
He lets go to wash his hands and put a pair of latex gloves on. 
“You know you don't have to dress up to go to the dentist, but it's appreciated.” 
Is he flirting with me? 
“I-I was at work this morning.” 
You perch on the seat and pull your legs up, sliding your handbag to the floor. 
“So, what seems to be the problem?” 
“I was, well…” 
“It's OK sweetheart, I ain't gonna tell you off.” 
Sweetheart? Oh Holy Shit. 
You found yourself clenching your toes in your heels. This guy is far too hot to be a dentist.
“I was eating a sucker and I, well, I bit down, broke my back right wisdom tooth. It shattered.”
He scoots his stool towards you and instructs you to open your mouth. As he examines you he hums, feeling inside your mouth with a gloved hand. 
“Yup, that's broken up alright. I'm sorry, that must be painful. Don't worry, I'll do my best to help. I'm gonna do an x-ray, that OK?” 
“Yeah.” 
Pulling a little plastic T instrument from his desk, he wheels back over.
“Now, this is going to be uncomfortable, and I'm real sorry. Open your mouth and I'll slide it in gently.” 
Face flickering a violent shade of red, you nod. Surely he's aware of how this sounds?
“OK, open wide, that's it.” 
He puts the little contraption in your mouth.
“OK, now bite down. I know, it's uncomfortable. It'll just take a second. That's it, just breathe for me.” 
It's not intolerable but it's not exactly nice. A moment before it would have been too much he takes it out. 
“That's it, did so good for me. Well done sweetheart.” 
Now, this is not the fucking time to have these sorts of feelings. A heat had started  spreading between your legs that you haven't felt for quite some time. 
“Hmm,” Eddie said as he looked at the x-ray, “I definitely need to remove those pieces. I'm a bit concerned about the tooth above it. That's got a cavity, it'll need to be removed, but it'll need surgery I'm sorry to say.” 
“Surgery? Oh God.” 
“Hey, it'll be alright. I'd do it now but it's too risky. Never had to go into surgery before?” 
Laughing nervously, you fiddle with your fingers. 
“I've never had a tooth removed! I'm a tooth removal virgin.” 
The words just flew out and there was nothing you could do to pull them back. Eddie leaned in a little, a cheeky glint in his eye. 
“Well, then I'll be extra gentle.” 
A stare that's a fraction too long, and he scoots back over to his desk. Not long after he's got a needle in his hand.
“Now, I'm gonna need to numb the area, and this is going to be painful. But once this is done, that's the worst of it. If you need me to stop at any point, you just raise your hand. That OK?” 
“Sure, do what you need to.”
“Atta girl, so brave for me. Open your mouth wide.” 
My good God this man and his words; you can picture yourself on your knees in front of him as he says the same things.
Atta girl, take it a little deeper, that's it, so good for me… 
Squirming hotly in your seat, you do as instructed and his gloved fingers invade your mouth once more. 
“OK, you're gonna feel a sharp scratch, it'll go on for a few seconds, doing it now… good girl.” 
As he says ‘good girl’ two things happen. He injects your gum, and you flood your panties. The pain is inconsequential at this point, you just want him to keep talking to you like that.
“OK, one more sweetheart… that's it, so brave, look at you, taking it so well.” 
He stares at you with those soft brown eyes and once again you forget entirely why you're here. 
“Now, you should start to feel your lips tingle, it'll mean it's working.” 
Your dirty mind can't help but think; which lips? 
As a numbness invades your mouth, you let him know. 
“Yeah, it's definitely working.”
“Good stuff. Now, I'm gonna feel in your mouth again, OK?”
You nod, beyond words, and he puts his fingers in your mouth. 
“Now, if you need me to stop, what do you do?” 
Sheepishly you hold your hand up.
“That's it, atta girl. Such a good listener.” 
Nothing you can do but beam inwardly at the praise.
“Now, you can feel me right here, but there should be no pain, yeah?” 
Resisting the urge to moan around his fingers, you make a sound akin to a muffled ‘uhuh’.
“Awesome, now just hold still, you'll hear some crunching and feel pressure, and then it'll be done.” 
As he pulls a shiny implement from a tray and starts working the tooth shards from your mouth, you focus on his forehead, at the look of total concentration. How the lines on his forehead furrow. How his beautiful eyes harden slightly. How his perfect pink tongue dips out… 
“All done.” 
“Huh?” 
He laughs, a rich, bubbling thing, and nods.
“Yup. You're good. Need to make an appointment at the desk for the other tooth though.”
“Will you be doing that?” 
It rushes out in a blather which you can't control. 
“Sure thing sweetheart. Just ask at the desk for me.” 
“OK. Thanks.” 
“Not a problem. Got to be there for my favourite patient.” 
He flashes another wink at you which seems to rush straight to your knees as you get up and leave on newborn foal legs. Reaching the door, you hear his voice ring out behind you. 
“And what should we do with suckers next time?” 
Turning to face him, he raises an eyebrow, awaiting your response with the most serious expression he's given you so far. 
“I should… suck?” 
“Yeah you should.” 
A mind altering grin later and he's turning back to his desk. 
I should suck? What the hell is wrong with you! You need to get laid like, yesterday.
********************
It's a couple of weeks later and you're laying in the most unflattering hospital gown known to man with your best friend Alex who is trying to distract you. 
“Honey, you'll be fine, they're putting you under! It's like, free drugs!” 
You laugh at his antics, smiling with nerves. 
“It's not the surgery, its-” 
You hear mumbling in the doorway, two nurses gossiping in what they must think is out of earshot. 
“Did you hear? Dr Munsons performing the surgery?” 
“Yeah, he's not even supposed to be here. I hear Dr Stevens is pissed.” 
As they walk away, continuing their whispering, you look over to Alex who is smirking at you. 
“Oh, so he's not even supposed to be here? Ooh he likes you!” 
You blush, thinking about the other day. 
“No! I… I asked for him, that's all. You know I don't like this sort of shit.”
“Ah, so you thought Dr Dreamy would make it bearable huh?” 
“Shut up!” 
Dr Munson walks in then, smiling that smile that held a firm grip on your panties. Alex's eyes widen as he mouths the word ‘hot’ to you. You subtly nod your agreement and then smile at Eddie.
“Well, fancy seeing you here.” 
“Couldn't stay away,” you respond, rolling your eyes. He chuckles back and looks you up and down. 
“I told you sweetheart, no need to get dressed up for me.” 
“What, this old thing?”
You share a laugh whilst Alex's eyebrows raise practically through the roof. This is clearly crossing some line, this banter between you, but he's the doctor and he started it. 
Soon, the procedure has been explained and they're wheeling you out of there and putting you under anaesthesia. 
“OK, good job, such a brave girl. Now, countdown from ten for me.”
“Ten, nine, eight…” 
********************
Blinking bleary-eyed, you look around and catch the eye of your friend. 
“She's awake! You OK?” 
You are OK. In fact, you're fantastic. 
“I'm great! M'I goin’ in surgery now?” 
“You've been, it's done! It's all fine.”
“Huh?” 
A fantastically handsome man walks in, entirely distracting you. Long hair, sparkling eyes, a gorgeous smile, and a slender tall frame. He's so hot. Wait, you can just say he's hot, right? 
“Wow, wh'ryou? You're suuuper hot.” 
He laughs, looking a little embarrassed. 
“I'm Dr Munson, remember? Eddie. The er, drugs will wear off soon.” 
“Eddie!” 
You sit up immediately, despite the hands that shoot out to keep you still. 
“Now, take it easy, the ketamine makes people act a little funny. How are you feeling?”
“M’great! All… floaty like. S’good shit.” 
Eddie laughs as Alex holds his head in his hands. 
“Good to hear. It'll wear off soon, I'm sure your boyfriend will take good care of you.” 
“Nooo he's n’my’boyfrien’. He's suuuper gay. Ya’single? I no’had- not had any for nine months!” 
Alex pipes up. 
“Honey, you know I love you, so much, but you need to shut your mouth.” 
Eddie laughs, flashing his perfect teeth. 
“He's got a point. Glad you're doing good, the surgery went smoothly, so you'll be good to go in a few minutes.”
“Thank's'much Eddie. God, you're s’gorgeous. Did I do good?” 
Eddie looks like he wants to be anywhere but here. 
“Course you did. The best. That's why you're my favourite patient.”
Holding your hand up to your mouth and doing the worst stage whisper known to man, you look at Alex. 
“See? Tol’ ya, his wors’ make me wet.” 
“...aaaand that's the line. Thanks for taking care of her Dr Munson, I'll get her home safe.” 
With protests from you, Eddie shuffles awkwardly out of the room. After a little while you're discharged, with Alex promising to look after you until you're back to normal.
********************
The strong coffee aroma assaults your nostrils; you take a massive inhale of your cup as if the caffeine could be absorbed by smell alone. The coffee shop was busy this Saturday morning but you'd managed to carve out your little comfy seat and tiny table so you can work on your writing. It was a relief after the busy week you've had to actually focus on something you love. 
The noises and chatter of the place wash over you as you zone out, thinking of how to handle the plot twist coming up. It needed to be thoughtful, but unforced, as if the characters… 
“Well, if it isn't my favourite patient.” 
“Huh?” 
You look up and see a very familiar pair of eyes. Eddie. The rest of him however, looks very different. 
Eddie's in an old Iron Maiden t-shirt, worn with age, and tight black jeans. A chain hangs low at his hip, and his large hands are adorned with silver rings. His hair is loose and unkept around his shoulders, but his signature smile still beams at you. His forearms are on display, covered in tattoos. It's certainly not what you were expecting. How did he just get even hotter? 
Remembering what Alex told you about how you made an utter fool of yourself brings you out of your revelry. The stuff you said to him after surgery makes you visibly cringe. You were torn between wanting to ask him out and wanting the ground to swallow you whole. 
Cheeks blazing with heat, you find your voice.
“Eddie! Er, hi.” 
“You mind if I sit here? It's pretty packed.”
Gesturing at him to make himself comfortable, he swings his leg over the stool opposite and sits down, mug of steaming coffee in his hands. 
“What brings you here?” 
“Well, I write. As a hobby, you know? Needed to get out of the house and get some done. And you?” 
He points a thick finger across the street and you gulp in your throat, remembering the feel of those fingers in your mouth. 
“There's a record store across the way, I was scouting for anything I've missed. Unlucky today it seems.” 
It was weird seeing him here. Like when you see a teacher in the wild. Except you're not a kid, and the teacher is fucking fine. 
You nod and share a very uncomfortable silence. 
“Listen, I'm sorry for anything I said-” 
“Hey, don't worry about it sweetheart, it was the drugs. Trust me I've heard some weird shit!”
He seems to shrug it off and you breathe a sigh of relief. The last few weeks all you've managed to think about is how much of a fool you've made of yourself. Hopefully he's chalked it all up to the drugs. No need for him to know you were speaking the truth.
“I gotta say, you don't look like a dentist.” 
Eddie laughs, a perfect deep laugh that has you squirming in your seat. 
“Yeah, I get that alot. I er, used to get beat up when I was a kid. I got punched real hard once, broke my jaw. It was wired shut for like six weeks. After that, well, you find some respect for dentistry. Thought I'd give it a shot, went to school. Seems I have a knack for it. I have an impeccable bedside manner, apparently. Or so I'm told.” 
I'll say. 
“I can- I can see that.” 
He blazes a grin at you that damn near combusts your insides. And that's what you blame for the thing that's about to fall out of your big mouth.
“Listen, I know this is crazy but can I have your number?” 
What the fuck are you doing?? Hitting on your dentist?
It seems your word vomit was indeed something that happened in real life and not just in your head. Eddie looks pained as he warms his hands on his coffee mug. 
“Listen, sweetheart, you're a very pretty girl but… I can't. It'd be wrong of me, you're my patient and-” 
“No, I get it, it was dumb, ignore me.” 
You grab your belongings at the speed of lightning and stuff everything into your bag. 
“Hey, sweetheart, wait, I literally ca-” 
Hell no. 
You've made more of an idiot of yourself than you're prepared to be comfortable with. Now, cheeks burning hotly you shoulder your heavy bag and bustle out of the store, leaving an open mouthed Eddie sitting there with his arm outstretched.
********************
Today was the cherry on top of the icing on top of the cake of embarrassment. You've never asked a guy for his number before and the first time you do you're shot down? Confidence well and truly knocked, you called around and found a new dentist, and then called your old dentist's office to let them know. There was no way you could face Eddie again after you'd made a fool of yourself three times. 
In an effort to cheer yourself up after that disastrous rendezvous, you'd dressed up, put on your highest heels paired with your shortest skirt and a red silk blouse, and went out for a night on the town. 
Now, you don't make a habit of sitting at the bar on your own. You've dealt with enough creeps in your time to know that it was a bad idea. However, when it comes to your friends, you can give a little leeway. 
Hence why you sat in your very short black skirt, heels tapping on the little rail on the bottom of the bar as you sip your Manhattan, watching your friend Alex out the corner of your eye have a make-out session with his new boyfriend. They were sitting at a table just to the right; you were on a barstool giving them a couple feet of privacy. 
It was getting a little old though. In the past half an hour three men had approached you. You can't lie to yourself, it was the reason you'd agreed to be a third wheel in the first place. Trying to manifest the right kind of man clearly wasn't working however. 
The first guy looked around twelve, with the wispiest facial hair you've ever seen. As he'd nervously bumbled a line at you, you told him you've never seen a theoretical moustache before. That saw the back of him. Contestant number two was the sleaziest douchebag in the whole bar, perhaps the entire city. He was the hardest to deal with; you'd ended up just turning away and ignoring him until he'd left. Number three was some balding, middle aged man with a pot belly and a stained tie. Exhausted by the previous two, you interrupted his practised line with one clear and concise ‘No’.
Almost certain that your date tonight would involve you with your vibrator, you order another cocktail. On your left directly next to you a guy starts leaning on the bar and calls to the bartender. 
“Hey Jack, can I get a beer please, and whatever this lovely girl is drinking.” 
Rolling your eyes and turning to look at contestant number four, ready to tell them to fuck right off, you realise its Eddie. Of course it fucking is. The universe seems to have a horrible sense of humour today. He's still in his jeans and boots, but now sporting a burgundy shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Stupid dentist and his stupid hot tattooed forearms. 
“Are you following me? I don't need a pity drink thanks, I'm good.” 
You reach into your purse to pay for the drink you ordered but Eddie already has cash in his hand. He pays for it anyway and leans on the bar facing you. 
“It's not pity, it's an apology for earlier. And I think you're the one following me, I live two floors up.” 
Lips pressed into a firm line, you stir your drink with its cocktail stick and pretend that dentists don't exist.
“You can't just ignore me, you know.” 
Taking a sip of your drink you continue to stare resolutely forward. 
“OK, you can just ignore me, but I'd like it if you didn't.” 
Another sip, and you pull the little cherry off its stick and chew it. 
“So, you got a thing for dentists or is it just me, sweetheart?” 
That's it, you turn angrily to face him and scowl. 
“That's totally unfair you can't just-”
“Ha, got ya talking.” 
He's grinning at his little victory, laughter lines creasing near his eyes. If your eyes could shoot daggers you're sure he would have died from blood loss at this point. 
“Listen, I'm sorry, OK? I would have said yes in a fucking heartbeat, but I could lose my license.” 
Your eyes soften; he's clearly telling the truth and it does make sense. His licence hadn't even entered your mind. 
“I understand. Sorry for being rough on you.” 
“Don't worry about it. I just thought I better clear the air if I'm gonna be your dentist.” 
“Oh, don't worry about it. You're not.” 
“Huh?”
Looking down at the bar and drawing circles in the condensation from your drink with a finger, you explain. 
“I couldn't face seeing you again, so I, ha, ran off to a different dentist. It's a half hour out of my way, but never mind.” 
Eddie's posture changes immediately, standing fully to attention. 
“You're not my patient anymore?” 
“Nope,” you reply, and knock back the last of your drink, “I'm not.” 
“You're not my patient anymore.” 
You risk looking back at him; he's wide eyed, nodding in your direction, as if he's just told a joke that you didn't get. Face scrunched with confusion, you blink it away as a light bulb pings on inside your head. 
“Oh. I'm not your patient anymore.” 
The grin that slowly unfolds across Eddie's face is damn right sinful. 
“You wanna come upstairs?” 
“Hell yes.” 
Leaping lightly off of the bar stool, you turn to dislodge your coat from the back of Alex's chair and wave at him frantically to tell him you're leaving. He turns to you, then Eddie, then back to you with what can only be described as A Look. If you weren't so excited you would have admonished him, but who the fuck cares. 
Eddie grabs your hand firmly and pushes through the thronging crowd with you in tow. The cold night air hits you like a blow to the chest when you escape, as does your rash decision. 
Eddie seems to sense your hesitation. Pulling you into a doorway he grabs your other hand and looks at you. 
“Sweetheart, you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to. We can just go upstairs, have a drink, or not, and chat. Really.” 
“Really?” You cock your head with the question as he licks his bottom lip with a pink tongue, dragging it to his perfect teeth to bite. He looks nervous, and for some reason, that is doing it for you right now. 
“Really. I'm just saying we don't have to rush-” 
The rest of his sentence is swallowed whole by your kiss as you tip your head up and push your lips against his firmly. Eddie grabs your waist with one hand, the other snaking into your hair to cradle your head. 
For a moment you forget about the cold, about the fact that anyone can see you like this right now. All that matters is the pounding heat of his body smashing against yours and the passion pouring from his tongue as it swipes and rolls and fills your mouth with unexpected moans.
Nails digging into his back, as if attempting to claw under his clothes, you force his body against the wall in the wanton desire to be closer. His hand massages the silk of your blouse at your waist, warmth spreading from his palm into your very flesh and seeping down between your legs. 
You'd have him, right here, against this wall, right now, if he hadn't pulled your head back softly to break the kiss. The tips of your noses rub together as you both gasp for the same air. He's smiling and biting his lip again, but this time it looks like a distraction to stop himself from devouring you. Eddie breaks the feral spell first.
“So, just a chat, yeah?” 
You both laugh, a giddy silly thing reserved for the two of you. 
“Yeah, you're probably right. Don't want to rush these things.” 
Nodding sagely, you take his proffered hand and let him lead you inside and up the stairs. 
You're not sure what you expect his place to look like, but you're pleasantly surprised at how open and spacious it is. Hardwood floors, big windows, a big black sofa, and an open kitchen area with a little breakfast bar. There's a wall of shelves with what must be hundreds of records, CDs and tapes on it, all neatly organised and displayed, and an expensive looking sound system. Two guitars sit by the couch as if they'd been played recently, along with an amp that seems to be doubling as a side table. There's a small pile of boxes over by one wall that have yet to be unpacked. And that's it.
No wonder it looks so spacious, there's nothing in it. 
“Eddie, it's a great place, but er, where's all your stuff?” 
He looks a little sheepish as he flicks a standing lamp on and shuts the curtains. 
“Yeah. Got the basics sorted; kitchen, bedroom, music. Honestly, never lived anywhere this big before, and my last place came furnished.” 
He gestures widely at the sofa with a swing of his arm and you perch on it, ankles crossed, fully aware of how short your skirt is. 
“So, you wanna drink? Unfortunately I can't make a Manhattan but I’ve got rum, some vodka, sodas, maybe a beer?” 
“What do you mean you can't make a Manhattan? What sort of establishment is this?” 
You huff dramatically, folding your arms. 
“I'm terribly sorry Ma’am, I shall have a word with the management.” 
Eddie falls to one knee in a low bow, a mock plea for your forgiveness and the sheer goofiness makes your heart do a little hop inside your chest. 
“What can I possibly do to make it up to you?” 
His eyes are open, honest and sincere. But the grin fighting to crawl over his face is naughtiness personified.
“Well I shall have a beer now, and maybe you can make it up to me later?” 
Smirking, he presses a soft kiss to your knee, then another, to the side of it. Letting his teeth drag further he playfully nips at the outside of your thigh and smooths the area with a lick. 
Breathe. Remember, you need oxygen to live. 
You take a harsh, ragged breath in as if inhaling for the first time and try to concentrate on slowing your heart rate. This is madness, you feel wrecked from a sprinkling of kisses. 
Feeling Eddie's soft chuckle as the air from it dances on your thigh, he gets back up looking far too pleased with himself. 
“You know, you shouldn't be that forward with a lady.” 
Throwing his head back and laughing loudly he walks around the back of the couch. Directly behind you, he begins talking again. 
“I don't see a lady here.” 
Whipping your head around to reprimand him, he bends to your level and whispers in your exposed ear. 
“I see a very good girl.” 
Words die in your throat having never reached your tongue. There's no witty repartee, just an odd noise that blurts out of you, halfway between a whimper and a squeak. 
Eddie walks away towards the fridge to grab your drink, no doubt with a very smug look on his face. In his absence you fan yourself to try to quench some of the raging heat within, but at this point it's like throwing a water bomb at a house fire. Undoing one button on your blouse, you let the girls have a little air at least. 
He returns, drinks in hand, and offers one to you with a bow of his head. 
“Milady.” 
You take it and sip as Eddie sits next to you. 
“I thought I wasn't a lady?”
“You are right, absolutely right,” he responds, shuffling closer to put an arm around you, and nuzzles your neck teasingly, “and I am not a gentleman.” 
You reach out to the side, and realise there's nowhere to put your beer. 
“Eddie, you need a coffee table or something.” 
“Just, put it on the floor.” 
Placing it gently on the floor, wincing as you do so, you mumble half to yourself, “if my mother could see me now…” 
“I'm sure she'd have more important things to say than about the lack of coasters, sweetheart.” 
“You have a very good point.” 
Eddie holds your jaw, softly turning your face to his own, and presses a kiss to your cheek, then your jaw, and finally to your lips. It's more gentle than the searing heat of the last one; a languid spell of tongues finding their way against each other. 
As you both break away, Eddie strokes your bare thigh, whispering in your ear as he does so. 
“God, when you walked in my office, I thought I might have to switch professions. I just wanted to hike that tight skirt up and bury my face right here.” 
His hand moves up your leg, a finger ghosting over the top of your panties that makes a shiver work all its way to the tips of your toes. It's a bold move, and one you wouldn't stand for usually, but this is Eddie. You've been fantasising about this for the last two months. Hell, this scene has played in your brain so long it was almost like it didn't feel like the first time.
So, if he's going to be that bold, then bold it is.
“Well, I gotta confess, it took a lot for me to not moan around your fingers in my mouth.” 
Eddie groans loud, throwing his head against the back of the couch. 
“Fuck that's so hot. C'mere.” 
He's coaxing you into his lap and you follow his lead, swinging your leg across him and most likely giving him a choice view of your lacy underwear. His large hands wander over your frame, mapping out your curves with his eyes as well as his fingers. 
“Eddie.” 
You breathe it out, your hands resting on his shoulders. He's getting hard beneath you, you can feel it as your hips start to move back and forth of their own accord. 
“Hmm?” 
He doesn't look up, busy stroking your sides, thumb brushing your breasts with each pass. Every nerve feels like a live wire, feeling more needy than you think you've ever been. 
“Eddie, please, just kiss me.” 
“No.” 
“No?”
He does look at you then, giving you a cheeky smile.
“I think I've got the hottest girl in the city on my lap right now, let me savour it a little.” 
Rolling your eyes, you reach to the front of your blouse and start unbuttoning it slowly, letting the silky fabric fall off your shoulders and away. The fates seem to be in your favour for once; this is your best bra, adorned in satin and black lace.
“Well, someone's eager. Were you looking to get lucky tonight?” 
Eddie says as he smirks at you, a hand stroking up, over your laced covered chest, coming to rest on the side of your throat. 
“It's been a while Eddie, forgive me for being keen.” 
“Oh yeah, what was it? Nine months, right?” 
Cringing at his words whilst he chuckles, you rest your forehead on his shoulder to hide your face. 
“Technically no.” It's muffled into the fabric of his shirt.
“No?”
Still unwilling to look at him, you reply, “that was a few weeks ago. It's ten now.” 
Pulling you upright again, he playfully pouts, a little mocking face that's making your insides pulse. 
“Aw, poor, poor baby. Guess I shouldn't tease so much. Why don't you take this ridiculous skirt off and sit for me sweetheart.” 
It's comical how quickly you follow his directions, shuffling your skirt off and laying back on the sofa, ass near the edge, as he drops to his knees on the floor in front of you. 
“That's it, right there. Such a good listener.”
As he runs his hands up the inside of your thighs, you spread your legs to make room for him, breath quickening in anticipation. 
“I suppose I better check,” he says as he looks up at you with a serious expression, pierced eyebrow arching. 
“Check what?” 
“How wet my words made you.” 
‘Oh God!” you squeak, hiding in your hands, “I can't believe you remembered that!” 
“Remembered it? I can't think of anything else.” 
His thick rough fingertips reach higher and higher; he slips two under your panties, hooking them to one side as his digits glide through your wetness. 
“Oh sweetheart, you're soaked. That must be uncomfortable. Don't worry I'm gonna do something about that.” 
You're thinking of something clever to say back but your mind empties entirely as his touch moves to your clit and rubs slow, deliberate circles. 
The relief of him finally stroking just where you need it has you near tears, breathy gasps pulling from your chest and rushing out your mouth. 
His fingers leave you suddenly and you resist the urge to stamp your foot like an impatient toddler, fists tight at your sides. Eddie raises up on his knees, leaning toward your chest. 
“I'm gonna take this off first, that OK sweetheart?” 
He runs a finger between the valley of your breasts as he speaks, making your back arch into the hint of a touch. 
“Y-yes.” 
“Atta girl.” 
He reaches behind you and flicks your bra clasp, opening it with such ease that it makes you question internally how many times he's done that before. Then, he pulls the straps down slowly and with such reverence that you forget your thoughts. 
“Jesus Christ, you are just perfect aren't you.” 
Solid knuckles rub gently over a pebbled nipple making you whimper and bite your lip. Leaning in, his mouth is wet and warm, almost leisurely massaging your nipple, then giving the same amount of care and attention to the other. 
When his teeth graze you an unfiltered moan shoots out from you, entirely unbidden. 
“Wow, you're really sensitive,” he says when he unlatches his mouth. He pinches one abruptly and you cry out, hand grasping at his bicep in pleasurable shock. Licking his lips, he grins at you. 
“Oh we are gonna have a lot of fun sweetheart.” 
Running a finger just under the hem of your panties, he pulls them down as you assist him, lifting your ass to give him room. He shakes his head, biting his lip as he takes all of you in with his eyes now that you're entirely exposed, as if he can’t believe his luck. 
Kissing down your quivering form, he finally slips that overbold tongue of his between your folds, running it back and forth over your sensitive nub. His tongue searches you, taking care to leave no spot untouched. It's deliberate; a slow and intense exploration of your sex, as if mapping out every sweet spot, spurred on by the moans spilling from your lips with ever increasing frequency. 
Each sound you make is echoed, mirrored by Eddie, as if he was taking as much enjoyment in eating you out as you were in receiving it. The build up is as slow as his movements, but that certainly isn't a bad thing. Far from it. The feeling fizzing in your very blood is deep and profound, and it keeps building. 
Until Eddie does this twirling thing with his tongue that makes your eyes cross, that sets each one of your nerves on fire, fingers desperately grasping at his soft waves as you moan even louder. 
“Fuck, Eddie! Right there!” 
His words are muffled, a hint of amusement in them, but you're sure he says “yes ma'am.”
Then he does it again, and again, tongue twisting like it's independent from his body, swirling you into a deep pool of overwashing ecstasy. Back leaving the soft confines of the couch you clutch at his hair as your hoarse moans pound out of you, until you flop back down, a glistening panting mess. 
Eddie's still kissing your delicate parts, leaving soft, almost innocent kisses. He presses his lips to your clit again and you squirm, trying to get out of his gentle, grasping hands. It's a soft touch, but his hands are immovable, like velvet wrapped around a steel bar. 
“Eddie, fuck, I-I'm really sensitive-” 
“Oh I know sweetheart,” he says, pressing his mouth against you over and over, “but we're not done.” 
Staring at him wide eyed, he lifts one hand, ring and middle finger outstretched, and brushes the tips of them to your kiss bitten bottom lip. 
“Can you get these nice and wet for me sweetheart?”
Parting your lips slightly, he slips the fingers inside and you do as instructed, licking and suckling on them, surprised by how fiercely you wanted to. They felt rough and heavy on your tongue. Eddie's staring at you with a burning admiration in his eyes, still pushing his lips to you. He suckles softly at your clit making you writhe and moan around him. As he pulls his fingers out you call to him. 
“Eddie, I can't it's too much-” 
“Shhh, princess, do you really want me to stop?” 
A little drop of shame trickles down your throat at the thought. 
“No,” you whisper. 
“That's what I thought,” he says as his fingers circle your silken entrance, “be good for me sweetheart, good girls come twice.” 
You're not sure if the heady moan that you release is due to his fingers slipping inside you, or his words. It could be a combination of both. Stroking at you incessantly, his fingers drive into you, perpetually caressing that soft spot inside that makes your toes curl. 
Your release creeps up unsurprisingly fast. It's all force and pressure, a tightening, full feeling that's gripping your insides in its strong claws. One minute you're holding on to reality and the next, you're gone, floating away as the pressure melts and cascades from you like stardust. 
Your vision unblurring, you realise what's happened when the sound of it reaches your ears. That squelching, soaking noise of Eddie's fingers working you through the last throes of your pleasure. 
As you look down Eddie's staring at your dripping pussy with awe, having to pull his fingers out of you with a bit of force since you don't seem to want to let go. He sits back on his heels with a smile that could rival the Cheshire cats, absolutely coated in your juices. It's covering his face, his hand, and it's even darkened the front and sleeve of his shirt. 
An apology nestles on the tip of your tongue, but it stays there when Eddie speaks. 
“Atta girl, did so good for me. Fuck, I kinda want to see if you can do that again.” 
Opening your mouth for a witty remark, it escapes you. Your usually sharp mind is now the consistency of spray cheese. All that comes out is a soft little noise, a cross between a hum and a thank you. 
“Stay right there, I'll be back.” 
You giggle a little as he runs off. Where on earth does he think you'll go? And more importantly, how? 
When he returns his face and hands are clean, and crucially, he's shirtless. Lean muscle gleams in the low light, decorated with a dozen or so tattoos. He's got a cloth in one hand, and a glass of water in the other. 
“Here, drink up sweetheart, you need it.” 
You search for a hint of playfulness or smugness in his face and come up empty. In fact, he's staring, waiting for you to take a sip. When you do, he smiles, and goes about wiping the tops of your thighs. The cloth is even warm. You've never been given a warm cloth before, the closest being a handful of scrunched up tissues. 
“Eddie, where have you been all my life?” 
Laughing loudly, he sits next to you, stealing a sip of your water. 
“I came as quickly as I could.” 
It was a cheesy line, but you're beyond caring, a goofy grin smeared all over your face. 
“Can I take you to the bedroom?” 
You nod and before you can get up he's scooping you into his arms. 
“Eddie, I can walk you know,” you say as you drape your arms around his neck. 
“Oh I know, I just want to take care of you.” 
Fuck. You could move in tomorrow. 
The only things you notice about the bedroom are the soft blue of the duvet as he places you gently on top of it and the bedside lamps he flicks on that bathe the room in a warm glow. The rest doesn't matter, not right now. Your eyes are on him as he stands at the edge of the bed, looking at you as if you were a beautiful sculpture carved from the finest marble. 
Getting up on your knees, you smile cheekily up at him as you hook your fingers into the worn denim and pop the top button. 
“And what do you think you're doing?” He asks, hand moving up to cradle your face. 
“I was going to return the favour.” 
You unzip the fly and pull them down, eyes widening at the swollen bulge in his trunks. They're tight, leaving little room for the imagination, but anything you may have imagined couldn't possibly compare to the real thing. 
“Not tonight sweetheart. Like I said, I want to take care of you.” 
He turns to the nightstand and rummages around, pulling out a packet of condoms. It's new, you notice, as he unwraps the film and takes one out, placing it on the side whilst he rolls his underwear off.
As he's putting it on you gawp shamelessly, truly wondering if it's actually going to fit. No wonder he's so confident. 
“Did you actually just turn down a blow job?” 
He smiles, crawling between your legs and caging your head between his arms. 
“What can I say, I'm a giver.” 
He stops for a moment, knuckles stroking your cheek. 
“You sure you wanna do this?” 
Smiling gently, you reach down and grasp his solid member making him jolt, and rub the tip through your slick. 
“Yes.” 
You line him up and his smile turns into an open mouthed groan, eyebrows knitting together as he starts slipping inside of you. 
“Eddie, holy- fuck.” 
“You're OK sweetheart, doing such a good job for me.” 
He pushes in further and you realise why all the foreplay was necessary. Clearly, he enjoyed it too, but you're not sure you could have taken him without it. When he's finally sitting flush inside you wince a little, hands tight on his shoulders. 
“You feel incredible, so tight for me.” 
Whimpering, you can feel your cheeks heat with the praise. 
“God you really do like my words don't you?” 
Grinning mischievously, he plants a soft kiss to your lips. It weirdly feels more intimate than him being inside you. 
“Y-yeah, it's really sexy Eddie.” 
His cock kicks up inside you, making you gasp a little. 
“You're really sexy. The little sounds you make, your moans.”
As if demonstrating that, he pulls out a little and thrusts in gently, forcing a quivering sigh from you. 
“See? Fucking perfect sweetheart.” 
He begins rolling his hips into you, never pulling out too much, as if he couldn't stand to be any further apart. 
One of his sinewy arms snakes its way underneath you, holding you close as he playfully nips your earlobe and breathing whispers into your ear. 
“How many times?” 
“Huh?” You respond, utterly lost in the feel of him dragging against your gripping walls. 
“How many times do you want to come?” 
You giggle, despite the situation, or maybe because of it.
“I don't usually, oh, get t-to choose, is there a- oh fuck- there a menu or something?” 
He chuckles and slows down just slightly, pushing into you devastatingly deep. 
“What's the most you've managed?” 
He's so thick, and the feel of him is otherworldly; it had you wondering how it'd feel without the layer of latex between you. 
“I can't- fuck- I can't think- like two?”
He stops, looking at you incredulously  with a furrowed brow.
“Two? We can do better than that.” 
He speeds up, leaning on one arm as his other hand finds its way down your torso and begins to rub your clit. That pulse inside you is sent into overdrive, mouth open and panting as you cling to his back, nails digging into his skin. 
Your release swells inside, growing, and intensifying, until it suddenly pops, showering you in pleasure. Tears spring in the corners of your eyes as you moan out your release an inch from his face.
“Atta girl,” Eddie says as he nudges you with his nose, “do that again.” 
Your clit feels a little sore, swollen and sensitive after so much pleasure. His touch is gentle, but it's still overwhelming. 
“Eddie, I-I can't, please-” 
“You want me to stop? I'll stop if you want that sweetheart.” 
The sharp feeling begins to dull, making way for another wave of euphoria that washes over your whole body. Legs twitching uncontrollably, you whine long and low, a flood of noises bursting from you that no damn could ever stop. 
“That a no, sweetheart?” 
“Don't stop don't stop don’t stop - oh!” 
You'd be embarrassed by the crazy noise you made as you come again, if you were even aware of it. A screeching loud moan, eyes scrunched as your body leaves the bed and your nails drag across his bare back. 
“That's it, knew you could, so good for me. Fuck, nearly lost it.” 
He does stop then, biting his lip to stop himself from unleashing his own orgasm as his breath comes in short huffs. 
“Eddie, you don't have to- ohmygod!”
The last of your sentence evaporates on your tongue as he hooks his arms under your legs and pushes your thighs flush to your chest. It seems even Eddie has lost the power of speech, dirty moans pouring from his mouth that rival your own. 
He's so deep, impossibly deep; as if he were in your guts at this point. You've never felt so full in all your life. Your third release is almost there, a tightening string wound around you, pulling and twisting and contorting your body into a writhing sweaty shambles. 
You're clenching and convulsing around his pumping length as he twitches inside you, his groans and grunts spurring you on. It's faster now, his thrusts becoming more erratic. Sweat clings to the very air, the heat in the room creating this cloying humidity that dampens each breath out, making hair stick to skin and creating loud slapping sounds of your conjunction. 
Eddie's face is red with effort, teeth gritted and lips tight. 
“Are you gonna come again? I can feel you. Please, sweetheart, please- fuck- I need it, I need it, come with me!” 
You let go. The tight string breaks and your orgasm spreads through your very soul; it's so profound and savage that tears spill out and down your cheeks with its intensity. Eddie joins you, coming as one with a drawn out groan that borders on feral. 
For a moment, you both revel in it, just panting, feeling sticky skin against skin, heartbeats slowing, muscles unwinding and relaxing. 
He finally unhooks his arms from your legs and you lay them shakily on the down as he clambers off, collapsing next to you on the bed. 
“You OK sweetheart?” 
“Hmm.”
It's all you can reply with, a little satisfied noise. Scooting closer to him, you place your hand hesitantly on his chest. 
“Hang on a sec.” 
He gets up and disposes of the condom, slowly padding out the room. Returning again with another glass of water for you, he hands it over with a raise of an eyebrow. This time you take it gratefully, chugging half of it before passing it back. 
A moment of panic grips your chest, followed by shame. You barely know him, yet you'd gone to his place with hardly any hesitation. 
As he lays back down next to you, scooping his arm around your back, you clear your throat. 
“I just, er, wanted you to know I don't usually do this.” 
“Hey, it's alright. Neither do I.”
Feeling slightly less trampy, you stroke his chest with delicate fingers, wishing for the moment to last but knowing it can't. 
“I don't think my legs work anymore, I think you'll have to call me a taxi.”
Eddie sits up suddenly, looking at you with anguish written all over his face. 
“You're not leaving, are you?” 
“Well, I don't fancy doing the walk of shame tomorrow in that outfit.” 
He pouts, looking much younger than he is. 
“Oh. Well, you can always borrow something to wear?” 
“That's even worse!” You laugh, hitting his chest softly. 
“Fine, then I'll go out in the morning and buy you something to wear.” 
Staring at him wide eyed, you realise he's not joking. 
“Really?” 
“Sweetheart, I'd buy you a whole new wardrobe if it meant you’d stay.” 
Heart beating just that little bit faster in your chest, you fight the tears that want to build up. 
“I just thought, you know, well, we don't know each other that well and that you might think this was just, a thing.” 
“You mean a one night thing?”
You nod, not trusting your voice. 
“C'mere.” 
Melting into his open arms, he kisses the top of your head.
“I want you to stay. I'll take you home Monday and-” 
“Eddie, tomorrow's Sunday.” 
“I know.” 
“Eddie, I have to work Monday. So do you!” 
You laugh, trying to break free of his arms but he doesn't let up. 
“Fine, I'll take you home tomorrow. Late. Then see you Monday night.” 
Face hurting from smiling, you settle into the cuddle, the swell of feeling in your chest almost too much for you right now. 
“Eddie I can't stay. I don't have a toothbrush.” 
You say it jokingly, and he squeezes you. 
“It's fine, I've got like 20 of them from work.” 
“Thief.” 
“I prefer to think of it as resourceful.” 
Suddenly he pulls you on top of him making you squeal. 
“So you gonna stay?” 
“Yeah, fine I'll stay.” You try to say it in a mocking manner but your silly grin belies your rolling eyes. 
“Good.” 
Holding you close, Eddie breathes such a sigh of relief; a deep one, one that sounds like he's been holding in for some time. A sigh that makes you feel special. 
Permanent Taglist (couple of these are assumed, if you want off let me know! Same if you want to be added sweethearts)
@liminalpebble @eddies-puppet @rip-quizilla @micheledawn1975 @vanilla-demon @millercontracting @roanniom @josephquinnsfreckles @leelei1980 @mrsjellymunson @usedtobecooler @eddiesprincess86 @ali-r3n
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teleit · 2 months ago
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Sometimes I hate this show, and then I come to my senses and just despise it
I'm a feminist because I'm a woman and deserve all rights and opportunities. But this show, I swear to God, does everything it can to make me feel like a terrible person.
The show's adult Rhaenyra is just…ugh. There were a thousand ways to transfer her personality, actions, and decisions from page to screen, and the writers chose the worst possible one. Somehow, they managed to strip her of her personal qualities while simultaneously filling her to the brim with other people's accomplishments.
Young Rhaenyra was practically perfect, given the changes the writers made to the book plot. She was a young, capricious, selfish girl whose world collapsed in an instant, and she had to find her way on her own. She was unpleasant, nasty, mocking, charismatic, charming, sweet - and very real. Her actions could be condemned or supported, she was interesting to watch, and I loved her. Not everything Rhaenyra did was to my liking, but when she was on screen, I watched her without taking my eyes off.
Adult Rhaenyra is literally Frankenstein's monster, assembled from incomprehensible junk from the attic of Condall and Hess. She does not have a drop of the charm that young Rhaenyra had, as if they were written by completely different people. Every questionable action of hers is whitewashed, 90% of her decisions and achievements are recycled and reused plots of other characters from the books, any actions are extolled to the skies. It's like eating cold unsalted French fries, you feel punished for some unknown sins by tasteless crap.
I want to love Rhaenyra, I really tried the entire half of the first season and whole second to feel at least a little love for this homunculus, but it is simply impossible. Just when I'm starting to sympathize with Rhaenyra grieving so heartbreakingly for her son and wanting justice, and getting involved in show, the writers decide to indulge their nun fetish and have Rhaenyra dress up as a septa and go talk to Alicent about some useless bullshit. One minute she's not afraid to defend her opinion, the next she's playing Mother of Dragons 2.0 (Vermithor scene was indescribable cringe, as was posing with a goofy grin with three dragons while Aemond scampers away with his bloodthirsty granny). Here's Rhaenyra having a great dialogue scene with her son, and here she is kissing a SA victim who just shared her tragic backstory, but don't worry, it's very romantic and everyone is happy.
And it wouldn't be nearly as bad as it feels if Rhaenyra were like young Rhaenyra, whose flaws were real and not smoothed over by the constant reminder that this woman was the best thing to happen to the world since the invention of latte macchiato. Young Rhaenyra, if she were in the sept with Alicent, would have yelled at the woman, risked getting caught, and wouldn't have been shy about reminding Jace who was in charge and that he had no right to scold her. Would she have been right, or smart in her actions? Still no, but she wouldn't be hailed as fair, peaceful and perfect - she'd be a selfish, confused, grieving woman who'd lost so much and was desperately trying to figure out how to salvage what was left and take back what was taken.
The show does everything it can to make me despise Rhaenyra. She's selfish, self-righteous, smug, arrogant, delusional, self-important, dumb as a rock, spineless, one-dimensional cheap knockoff of Daenerys from the early seasons of Game of Thrones. And the worst part is that all of these qualities would be interesting if the show would just stop holding me by the balls and demanding that I must love and adore her for every little thing because Rhaenyra is always right, the best girl in the world, worthy of all praise, and perfect to the core. Let me decide for myself whether I want to like a character or not, because unlike some people, I have an IQ above room temperature and can empathize with a complex, ambiguous character with adult morals, not just Bloom from Winx in a white wig.
I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay to dislike a female character if she's written terribly, and that doesn't make me a bad person.
Ps. Still not native speaker and dgaf about mistakes, english can suck my imaginary dick; apparently somehow part of text was translate in my native language wtf
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shapelytimber · 2 days ago
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Wanted to paint some of my favorite characters, nothing more nothing less
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[COMMISSIONS]
Way too much yapping like an embarrassing amount, the individual portraits and the template I used below vvv
I shouldn't be allowed to talk about my favorite characters- especially to people who (presumably) don't know them xjfkdk apart from the very popular ones ofc
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ILLYA KURYAKIN (The man from U.N.C.L.E)
gay ass little Russian spy I love him he is so *dramatic* and a huge nerd and a Beatles fan and into fashion design- perfect pocket size blorbo ;w; also seeing a Russian character being given a positive leading role in an American tvshow from the 60s ?? Yes he lives in New York and works for UNCLE America.... But he is still a communist ?? Incredible ! Also I really like the fact he isn't given the cliché personality traits often given to Russian characters i e anger issues drinks a lot violent ect (looking at you shitty(imo) modern remake... What did you do to my little guy ;;). In a close contest with Spock for the "gayest man from tvshow" of the 60s..... And in my heart he is winning djdkd for me the gay subtext of muncle hits so much more because it's not a scifi show- it's closer to home, Napoleon and Illya were *like that* in the present day of the 60s, they were both human, and no alien fuckery made them go to the village more than once or play house in the suburbs or get attached ass up to get pegged on a regular basis... Truly a show that feels written by an old queen and a guy with the biggest fem dom fetish jkvjjkb (don't get me wrong tho I adore star trek tos and spirk too <3)
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KUROO HAZAMA and PINOKO (Black Jack)
sometimes I rewatch some of the oavs from the 90s when I'm sad :) I had a huge phase a couple years back when I read nearly all the manga (should really finish it... Or reread the whole thing frankly), watched *all* the shows (bar young black jack, hated that shit) and idk I just love this venal bitch so much- him and his daughter and his conflicted feelings for his tboy ex that he still loves kfkfkf btw I'm dying for a modern take on this like please please please I'd love to see Kei Kisaragi's story rewritten a bit (trans character in the 70s sure was progressive but oh boy-), because him and black jack's relationship makes me so *weak*.... And maybe see him a bit more than in one story- anyway ! When it comes to his daughter Pinoko, it's very hit or miss- when the writers lean on the cute father adoptive daughter relationship it's great, when they lean more on the whole "she has a crush on him" (very much like a child in most case, and he *never* reciprocate thank god) and bring up the fact she is technically 18 a lot (she was an evil tumor trapped in her sister before he created a body for her- black jack shit dw), and she gets jealous of other women.... Well it's terrible and I'm uncomfy :(
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EVA KANT (Diabolik)
Look.... You just can't show me danger diabolik 1968 and not expect me to become insane djdkdkdk she is so cool ;; !!! Her and her devious eel of a man (here as a panther, because even tho I haven't read the comic yet, I'm taking an educated guess that all the panther imagery is here to represent him, the lethal twunk always in the all black gimp suit... And if it's not then fuck my entire life ig fjfkkd), the cuntiest het couple you've ever seen, such freaks I love them ! Partners in crime that will blow up the tax offices of the whole country if you try to put a bounty on them <3 they are in the guilty faves category only because I'm this invested in these characters after 1 (one) movie fkfkf watched the first two remakes and was hmmm let's say underwhelmed, could have been worse but going after the 60s one ie peak cinema was hard... I went in fully invested in these heterosexuals and they still fucked up their romance and relationship ;; (don't spoil me the third one btw haven't seen it yet ! I know it's the yaoi one- which doesn't give me much hope for Eva tbh...) I'll soon start reading the comics tho ! Managed to find all twelve volumes of "Il grande Diabolik" in french for pretty cheap so I'm excited for that :D (might scan them and upload them online because omg I tried finding scans in *any* language and only found a dubious website that sold digital copies for 7€ a volume ??? What is this)
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UTA (The Void / Тургор / Turgor / Tension)
Apathy girlyyyyy she just like me for real for real nfkfk what absolutely charmed me about her is yes her design, but more importantly her chamber's design (if you've never played the void, a sister's chamber is a space that represent her. You get a sense of who she is by exploring her chamber before finding her and talking to her soul it's great). The lonely island out at sea, her laying down on a suspended steel boat in a grotto, looking passively at the moon by a crack on the ceiling.... And the moon is looking back. Incredible ! I love this game so much
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KIM KITSURAGI (Disco Elysium)
Do I really have to explain this one ? When I played the game with quiji I remember I kept saying "when Kim talks, we *listen*" djkdk we did get a good grade in Kim Kitsuragi and got him to dance in the church <3 this fucking centrist cop wormed it's way into my heart and many others because of course he did. The only Kim K in my eyes. Also funny anecdote : before I played Disco Elysium, I had one concept art masterclass where a kinda famous concept artist came to give advice, make us really stressed then give us a shitty grade.... And when I tell you this man looked so much like Kim ??? Same haircut, glasses, face with a scar *exactly* where Kim's portrait has a stark shadow on his cheek and he was dressed in an orange top- truly uncanny. Anyway, Kim is so fucking cool how does he do it
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DARK VADOR (La guerre des étoiles)
*sight* not surprising if you know me... and to be clear when I say Vader I don't mean Anakin Skywalker, post barbecue only zouz here. I refuse to yap about this man djdkdk I already do that way to much in ao3 comment sections
And here is the template I used ! Don't know who made it tho sorry...
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PS : all these where made in 2-3 hours each :D wanted to challenge myself by painting quickly, and I mostly (looking at the Eva Kant one that gave me trouble) succeeded !
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phaedraismyusername · 1 year ago
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Happy International Lesbian Day! Here's some super brief book recs to celebrate
Books dealing with love, loss, longing and abandonment
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This is How You Lose The Time War is a short but beautifully written epistolary novel between two agents on opposite sides of a time war as they slowly fall in love.
Our Wives Under the Sea is one of the most beautifully written debuts I've ever read about a woman whose wife comes home wrong after they thought she'd died at sea and how it feels to grieve the loss of someone who's still in your home.
Lucky Red is a western novel about a young girl working in a brothel who meets her first female gunslinger and falls head over heels for her, and the consequences that come with loving dangerous people.
Body horror galore
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Camp Damascus is about a young woman living in a super conservative christian town built around the worlds most successful conversion camp and the horrors that are uncovered there when praying the gay away fails.
To Be Devoured is about a woman whose fascination with the local vultures turns into obsession and the urge to know what carrion tastes like overtakes her life and leads her down stranger and stranger paths.
Chlorine is about a girl whose entire life revolves around being a competitive swimmer, and how abuse, neglect, and obsession with being the best takes its toll on the young women caught up in these destructive cycles.
Flawed character studies
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Big Swiss is about a woman who has a kitchen floor reset in her 40s, moves away and starts a new life as a transcriber for a sex therapist and becomes obsessed with one of his clients before inserting herself into this poor woman's life.
The Seep is a speculative sci-fi set in a future where there's been a quiet alien invasion that has given people the ability to make almost any changes to their own bodies and what that world feels like to someone who doesn't want to partake.
Milk Fed is about a woman in therapy who feels cut off from almost everything until she meets another woman who triggers in her a melding of sex, hunger, and religion and where that takes her. Huge trigger warnings for ED content. It gets tough, y'all.
Fantastical wlw books
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Bitterthorn is an amalgamation of fairytales retold as a slow burn sapphic love story between a sad young girl from a cursed land and the evil witch who takes her as a companion in the latest of the generational sacrifices made to appease her.
All the Bad Apples may be set in contemporary Ireland but it is a fairytale following a young girl as she travels across the country looking for a sister she refuses to believe is dead and the people she meets along the way.
Gideon the Ninth needs no introduction on this site but for the sake of formatting - lesbian necromancers in space who find themselves in an isolated murder mystery plot. It's not a romance but it is a love story and this series will change your life if you let it.
Translated novels
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Boulder is a short character study following a free spirited woman when she accidentally settles down with the woman she loves and how love and resentment can take up the same space in your chest when life doesn't turn out the way you hoped it would.
Notes of a Crocodile is a cult classic coming of age story about queer teens in Taipei in the 1980s. It was written in the 90s so please keep that in mind if you choose to read it.
Paradise Rot is about an international student studying in Australia and her growing obsession with her housemate as they share a space that allows no privacy. I've never read anything that feels stickier.
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wisteria-lodge · 1 month ago
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And now for a HP fandom question - do you have any thoughts on queercoding in the series and if JKR ever actually intended it, and then backtracked, or if it was always completely unintentional? I'm thinking specifically about Lupin and Tonks (as individuals, not as a ship) Inspired by your post about the intention vs how fans perceived Draco Malfoy. Thanks!
So the first thing I want to do is make a distinction between femme-coding and queer-coding. They're tropes with very similar histories, and a lot of works treat them as the same thing. But Harry Potter doesn’t, and I think we can chalk this one up to JK Rowling’s habit of grabbing aesthetics and visuals without really thinking through the history behind them. 
(Like - the goblins. She says she didn’t mean to write an antisemitic thing, and I actually do believe her. But did she use a lot of tropes and images with a long history of being tied to antisemitism? yes.)
So when I say “femme” I mean giving a male character traits stereotypically associated with femininity. Heightened sensitivity/emotionality, an interest in hair, clothes and being attractive, a love of lace/pink/frills, a dislike of violence and physical confrontation, and a preference for the soft power of manipulation, character assassination and poison - versus the hard power of direct confrontation and physical prowess. Are these things super stereotypical? Yes. But they’re ALSO traits you see all the time on male villains, especially ones that you don’t want to seem that threatening. Femme-coded villains show up a lot in children’s media, or as the Big Bad’s #2. They’re not meant to be heroic or sympathetic (since all these feminine traits are not desirable, especially for guys.) But they also aren’t scary, and you can pretty much always play them for comedy. 
For example: see almost every male Disney villain. And JKR was writing children’s literature in the 90s, so of course she’s pulling from the same zeitgeist as the Disney Renaissance. 
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JKR loves herself a femme villain. The absolute gold standard is of course Lockhart - who wears pink, wants to start his own line of hair care products, is self-centered, vain, obsessed with popularity… but he sucks in a fight. His entire MO involves manipulating people into thinking he has these traditional masculine qualities when he just doesn’t. But there’s also fussy, prissy Percy wearing his prefect badge on his pajamas. Bitchy, emotional mean-girl poisoners Draco and Snape (especially early book Snape - which is Snape at his most villainous.) Draco, Percy and Snape are also unusual for being male characters who we see crying for reasons other than grief (apparently the only truly acceptable reason for masculine crying). 
Lucius Malfoy is an interesting case because he starts off quite masc. He’s threatening to curse people, the governors are scared of him, etc. But, as the books go on… and he gets less powerful… he also gets more femme. When we meet him in Book 5 he’s no longer threatening people, but bribing them, spreading rumors, and giving interviews to the Prophet casting Arthur Weasley in a negative light. He's also getting really into peacocks. In Book 2 he was a major threat, but as he gets recast as Voldemort’s #2 he becomes a more femme, soft-power villain. When he leads the attack on the Department of Mysteries, he absolutely bungles it, which defines his character (and relationship with Voldemort) for the rest of the series. And it makes sense that Lucius is given this kind of treatment! It’s a way of communicating that there's a new villain in town, a real villain. 
So, are any of these femme-coded villains additionally queer-coded? I’m actually going to say no. Queer-coding is (like it says on the tin) finding ways to imply that your character is specifically gay. Like maybe giving them a same-sex relationship that is written romantically, but not explicitly called out by the text. Or pairing up all of the characters except them. Maybe have other characters joke about them being gay, and use that as a way to talk about the subject with some plausible deniability. Or they could just play suggestively with a cigar, or a walking stick. There are different strategies.  
But Lockhart doesn't get any of that. Honestly, I think that if JKR actually thought of him as gay, she would have been a lot more wary about a scene where he keeps Harry alone with him in his office for way longer than he’s supposed to. And she might have skipped this joke: 
“Harry was hauled to the front of the class during their very next Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson, this time acting a werewolf (...) “Nice loud howl, Harry — exactly — and then, if you’ll believe it, I pounced — like this — slammed him to the floor — thus — with one hand, I managed to hold him down — with my other, I put my wand to his throat (...) he let out a piteous moan — go on, Harry — higher than that — good —” 
Like. At least she would have picked a different word than “moan,” right? Which unfortunately has slightly sexual connotations. Especially if she wanted to keep Lockhart a buffoon, to properly set up the twist at the end. 
Slughorn also gets femme-coded in a similar way: he loves his candy, his parties, his smoking jackets, his lilac silk pajamas, his web of connections he can use to get stuff (Lucius style.) We are introduced to him squatting in specifically a “fussy old lady’s” house. He’s also unusually emotional, getting weepy at Aragog‘s funeral. But I don’t think we’re meant to read him as actually gay, or else his relationship with Tom Riddle might’ve read a little too close to Tom seducing/trying to seduce him. Which is a beat JKR does subtly play out with Hepzibah Smith, but idk. by that point at least Tom is a legal adult.
(As a side note - the Harry Potter series got so lucky that all of its adult characters are played by absolutely top-shelf actors who are aware of the connotations and history behind various symbols, and do consider these things in their performances. Kenneth Brannagh and Jim Broadbent are good enough to make sure there’s not even a hint of iffy subtext when they play Lockhart and Slughorn. Also, Emma Thompson took the potentially very problematic character of Trelawney and made her cute and sympathetic… and not Romani in the slightest.) 
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Draco, Snape, and Percy all have a case of the not-gays. Percy has a girlfriend (we don’t really see her or anything, but we’re told she’s there.) Snape of course gets his whole thing with Lily, and Draco… after one too many beats where it’s clear that Pansy is into him, but he’s not into Pansy…  gets a scene where he’s talking to his buddies with his head in her lap. (JKR uses “no one‘s good enough for me” beats with Blaise, Draco and Sirius, and the idea there seems to be more that they have undeservedly high opinions of themselves, and less that they don’t like girls.)
But, I do agree that a lot of JKR's characters do come across as a little more queer than intended. It boils down, I think, to the general lack of any kind of romance in the Harry Potter books and JKR being generally bad at/uncomfortable with writing male attraction directed at women, BUT being perfectly happy writing attraction directed at pretty guys. And because of that… yeah, it can sometimes feel like maybe Harry has a thing for Cedric. Especially when Dudley goes on to tease him about Cedric being his boyfriend, which I believe is the only actual mention of gay people in the entire series.  
So is there any intentional queer-coding in the book? It’s really subtle, but yes. I think Dumbledore is queer-coded. He is unusually emotional/cries unusually often for a Rowling guy. He is also given a scene which emphasizes his “flamboyantly” cut plum-velvet suit, and his relationship with Grindelwald is implied to be romantic for one book and two movies before being actually confirmed in Fantastic Beasts 3. (With the line of dialogue “I was in love with you.” Big step up from “We were closer than brothers.” which is an odd thing to say about someone you are interested in romantically.) 
But you brought up Tonks and Lupin, two characters very commonly interpreted as queer. So let’s get into that. JKR has said that she considers Lupin’s lycanthropy to be a metaphor for stigmatized diseases like AIDS. And… as incredible as it is to say… I actually do not think that she made the jump from there to thinking that maybe the character suffering from AIDS should be gay.
Because the narrative places so much weight on Lupin being bitten young and then on maybe not being allowed to attend school, I’m pretty sure that he’s not intended to be queer so much as he’s meant to be Ryan White, the literal poster child for AIDS activism who got infected via blood transfusion when he was two. Tragic, absolutely. But not gay. Honestly, I hope JKR was thinking of ‘lycanthropy’ as a metaphor for stigmatized illness in the abstract and not as a comment on gay people specifically. Because otherwise, Greyback’s thing about biting children becomes a mash-up of two of the biggest homophobic boogeymen from the 80s: gay men infecting people with AIDS on purpose because… idk, they hate the world or something. And the influence of gay men somehow “turning” children gay. Both absolutely real, if ridiculous, moral panics.
On top of that, Remus and Sirius do get a pretty clear case of the not-gays early on (“He embraced Black like a brother.”) Buuuut Alfonso Cuarón did think through those implications for Movie 3, absolutely saw Lupin as gay, and directed David Thewlis to play him accordingly. No reports confirming or denying whether Alfonso Cuarón ships Wolfstar, but I think that if I’m an actor trying to make sense of Lupin’s motivations… and I know he didn’t show Dumbledore the Marauders’ Map and didn’t tell anyone Sirius was an animagus… and then I’m told my character is gay… well. Anyway, I think there are absolutely hints of Wolfstar in that performance. 
And there's Tonks. Tonks is introduced during a very spooky segment in Book 5: Harry has been going through it, been left alone at the Dursleys while having what sounds like a depressive episode. It’s dark, he hears intruders. It's a really good piece of writing. But JKR knows that it’s the good guys who are coming and thinks, okay. Let’s make that as clear as possible from the word go. And so the first thing Harry sees is Tonks' pink hair. And what kind of person has pink hair? A young adult. A punky young adult. And what power would a teenager think was cool? Well, the ability to change the color of their hair at will. That, by itself, would have worked perfectly fine for this character.
But then (for reasons best known to herself) JKR goes further. Even though Tonk’s hair changing color is easily 90% of the transformations we see and there is no plot reason her appearance needs to change more than that, we see her drastically change her age and body type. When you think about this power for more than five seconds, it becomes kind of OP. For worldbuilding reasons alone, my instinct would’ve been to tone it down a bit. 
But no, we have this counterculture character who seems interested in her career and not in a relationship, who can easily change anything about her body, and (if her ability works anything like Polyjuice) that means she should definitely be able to change her gender. Cool.
Then, in everyone’s least favorite romance, Tonks and Lupin are paired up. I have heard the argument that this was meant to walk back queer-coding, or to punish people who thought they were queer... but I don’t think that’s the case. I don’t think JKR expected these two to be fan favorites, and then was kind of surprised when everyone wanted to hear about their continuing adventures. 
(There are a handful of characters who JKR clearly really enjoys - and really enjoys writing - that fandom honestly could not care less about. Mundungus Fletcher and Ludo Bagman spring to mind. But the reverse is also true. She had one story for Lupin and people wanted to see more. Tonks is probably supposed to be her comment on immature young adults: she is loud, in your face, causes mild destruction and is “a little annoying at times.” But the fans fell in love with her.) 
So JKR has these two fan favorite characters and nothing for them to do. A romance is something for them to do. JKR also has a kind of weird pattern where good people need to either have kids or take care of kids. It’s not good to be a woman who isn’t involved with taking care of children in some fashion: see Rita Skeeter, Dolores Umbridge, Bellatrix Lestrange. This is also (I think) why Harry names his kids specifically after Severus, Sirius, and Albus. Since they’re good men, JKR had to find a way to give them kids after the fact. 
So yeah. I think we were meant to read Tonks and Lupin having a kid as kind of a reward, or at least as proof of their intrinsic goodness. There also just isn’t another guy in the right age range to ship Tonks with. The only other option is Sirius. 
(Harry in the books and Lupin on Pottermore both suspect that Tonks/Sirius is a thing. Completely forgetting, I guess, that they're cousins.)
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rewritingcanon · 1 year ago
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i’ve seen relationship therapists and psychologists analyse hermione and ron’s relationship and conclude that they wouldn’t work out in the long run. they’ve argued for hermione to be with harry, krum, even DRACO (don’t understand how a counsellor can vow for canon dramione but alright) as an alternative partner for hermione since ron is “too insecure” to be with her and match her intelligent prowess or what have you.
i seriously don’t understand this sentiment. ron and hermione genuinely seem (almost) perfect to me, maybe not in the movies (a common denominator of people who don’t like romione is that they always cite evidence from the movies, since the films took a lot away from ron’s character and his growth), but definitely in the books.
looking at ron’s insecurities, a lot of people dredge his inferiority complex up to toxic masculinity primarily, when it was more explored how it was an effect of his home life (not gonna argue toxic masculinity wasn’t a factor, they’re teenagers in the 90s written by a pretty misogynistic woman so…). he was the youngest son out of how many children? all of his older brothers were brilliant in some way. bill was an extremely gifted spellcaster, charlie was gifted with magical beasts, percy’s academic score was unmatched, and fred and george (despite their trouble) were entrepreneurial inventor-geniuses. ron, on the other hand, was quite literally born a disappointment to his mother, who conceived him specifically because she wanted a daughter, whilst ginny was born her favourite (though, even then, ginny was gifted at quidditch). ron was mediocre in every sense of the word, and his two best friends were harry (one of the most famous wizards) and hermione (the smartest witch of her age yada yada). and i’ve seen people argue that harry was more welcomed by molly into the weasley household than ron ever was. this isn’t even mentioning the amount of bullshit he copped for being poor (people always downplay the blow to confidence being in poverty can have on a person who is constantly surrounded by people who not only have more, but look down on him for simply being unlucky as to not have what they do).
so yeah, ron was an envious kid, but he was that way not because he was an evil patriarchal conception but because he was lowkey neglected. and even then he was overall an extremely devoted and loyal friend to both harry and hermione, because he did genuinely love them.
there were many moments of ron standing up for hermione that was cut from the films, not as a guy who was romantically interested in her, but as a friend. ron arguing with snape for making hermione cry is one of my fav scenes in the books ru kidding me, and in the movies he AGREED with snape RU KIDDING ME. not to mention how ron was a sobbing violent mess when hermione was getting tortured in the last book, whereas he wasn’t nearly as bothered in the films. and the films cut out harry being a dick to ron about his familial concerns (in dh), so when ron left it seemed like a random dickish move over his jealousy towards harry and hermione’s relationship.
there’s also a million moments where they minimised ron’s usefulness in the books for comedic purposes (forbidden forest with aragog, troll scene, devils snare scene) so ron seems dumber than he is. like, he’s actually smart and a really good spellcaster…. in the books.
so simply by stating this most of the arguments against romione become void. “he’s too stupid/weak for her” simply not true. “he’s a terrible friend who doesn’t stand up for her” also not true. “he’s too insecure to have made a move on her,” yes, but given the context i don’t think people would freak on about ron’s upbringing, i think many would be more understanding, especially considering his growth. even if he wasn’t insecure, hermione is beyond incredible and is bound to make anyone nervous when pursuing her (not an excuse for ron to act like a dick, but it does explain a lot where the movies don’t). “they argue too much” they bump heads, none of the arguments they have are actually super damning, with the exception of ron leaving in deathly hallows.
maybe i’ve covered everything (excluding the abhorrent amount of classism that clouds people’s judgments around how they view ron when harping about how hermione deserves better? hopefully).
now, i know people won’t like me mentioning the cursed child, but i’m going to considering we actually get an insight of their life as a longterm married couple there. a lot of ron stans hated how ron was the only character that wasn’t doing something incredible. harry was head of the aurors, ginny was a famous quidditch player retired to a famous journalist, neville was a hogwarts professor, hermione was quite literally minister on magic. and ron…. ran the joke shop with george.
and i think this was almost the perfect route to go down for ron. because he was average, and was perfectly fine with just being average. hello?? that speaks leagues of growth for his character. he’s supportive of hermione’s work, he grounds her when she gets too caught up in being the literal president of wizarding society, and he still viciously defends her, minister or not. in fact, he’s proud to simply be known as hermione’s husband because he doesn’t feel the need to prove to anyone else his worth. the people he loves most know his worth, hermione never downplays or underestimates him, they are complete equals in the relationship in every single way that matters. they kept ron’s best qualities whilst making him seem more of a healed person. they work so well as a married couple without it seeming like mischaracterisation (not to mention the cursed child literally shows how those two are in love in every reality, so there quite literally can’t be a better partner for hermione or ron according to canon).
so i really don’t understand how professional relationship counsellors can go online and denounce it. probs because they only watched the movies, but it’s 2023 and ron stans should not STILL be fighting for their lives trying to defend him from people who simply don’t consume media with as much depth (which is fine, but one should clarify if they’re talking about the movies because i’ve seen people state they’re talking about the hp BOOKS when it’s simply just…. the films). anyways. romione on top, thanks to coming to my ted talk.
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perotovar · 2 months ago
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this protector — oneshot
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moodboard by me
pairing: dieter bravo x din djarin rating: E (18+) content: slight angst, mostly fluff and smut, weed, dry humping, heavy makeouts, unprotected p in a, anal fingering word count: 3.1k dividers: @/saradika-graphics beta: @for-a-longlongtime (ily)
a/n: written for @burntheedges 's Roll-A-Trope! i got "dieter + only one bed". apologies for this being a couple days late! 🥺
summary: dieter and his bodyguard, din, get the wrong hotel room. i wonder what happens...
masterlist | follow @oakslibrary and turn on notifs ♥
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“I don’t see an issue.”
“Of course you don’t.”
“Hey, I’m just trying to make the best of the situation!” Dieter exclaimed, planting himself on the lone bed in the hotel room then flopping onto his back.
Dieter’s bodyguard, Din, felt like he’d aged ten years in the last five minutes. He exhaled a heavy breath and watched the actor’s form carefully.
“Besides, it’s not like I’m taking this threat seriously. I get death threats on social media all the time,” Dieter scoffed, sitting up to cross his legs on the mattress. 
Din blinked, looked toward the ceiling, and rolled his eyes. “I wish you’d take this one a little more seriously. They had addresses.” Din made his way to the table in the corner of the room and removed his backpack, taking out his supplies for the evening. His hands brushed over the cool metal of his sidearm at the bottom of the pack. Hopefully he won't need it this evening.
“We’ll be fine,” Dieter groaned, rolling across the bed to ungracefully get back onto his feet. “I’m gonna take a bath, go ahead and do whatever it is you do!” The hotel bathroom door slammed shut shortly after, leaving Din in the room alone. 
“I’ll be calling the hotel staff because they didn’t give us the right room,” Din grumbled, punching the numbers on the room’s phone.
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Dieter was more worried than he let on, but he knew he’d be okay. Din was his personal bodyguard and had been longer than anyone else. Dieter knew he could be a lot for some people, but he was glad to see Din’s professional stoicism outlasted any personal issues he may have had.
Resting in the hotel bathtub with some 90s R&B playing quietly from his phone, Dieter exhaled a heavy breath and shut his eyes. 
The threat came from an account that had his own face as their profile picture. He knew his fandom was just as weird as he was, but he didn’t think they’d threaten his life or his career like that. Unless the person was pretending to be a fan of his. Somehow, they knew which hotel he’d be staying in and where the film would be shooting, so he had to have Din attached at his hip at all times. Not that he was complaining, Din was hot as fuck. 
Who was he kidding, Din had never given Dieter the indication that he ever wanted to sleep with him. Did that hurt Dieter’s feelings a little? Obviously, but he wasn’t going to let anyone know that.
After spending long enough to prune up in the tub, Dieter got out, wrapping a towel around his waist. 
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When Dieter came back into the hotel room, Din was focused on his phone, typing away. 
Sometimes, when whatever upper he’d taken earlier in the day had worn off, Dieter would come back down to his normally introverted self. He quietly made his way to his bag and put on some pajama pants and comfy socks. He decided against wearing a shirt tonight.
“Hotel won’t give us a room with another bed,” Din sighed, looking away from his phone and setting it down on the table next to him. “They say all the rooms are booked for the next couple of weeks.”
“Oh,” Dieter hummed quietly, pulling out a baggy of weed and his favorite pipe. 
“I don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”
Dieter frowned as he cracked open the hotel window. Crawling onto the bed, he got all the pieces necessary laid out in front of him. “You don’t have to do that,” he said softly.
Din’s face was always hard to read, but it was especially so now. “Are you suggesting we both sleep in the bed… together?”
Dieter took a hit, held it for a moment, then exhaled. The smoke hovered around him as he shrugged noncommittally. “Why not? I’m not going to… do anything to you so,” he coughed.
Din blinked, his eyes softening slightly. “I didn’t think you would, I just… I figured it would be unprofessional.”
Dieter’s head started to feel a little lighter, fuzzier, and that made him chuckle. “Yeah, because that’s so easy with me,” he rolled his eyes, taking another hit. 
“True,” Din huffed and stood to take out his own pajamas from his pack. “I’m going to change in the bathroom.”
The bathroom door was shut before Dieter could protest.
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Everything Din did was efficient. His nightly routine took exactly twelve minutes, but this time he stayed in the bathroom for three minutes more.
Sleeping in the same bed with Dieter, technically his boss, wasn’t how he was planning to finish his evening. He knew Dieter, probably better than most people, so he knew the actor was harmless.
But Dieter had this boyish charm to him that Din couldn’t fucking resist. He couldn’t believe he voiced that he was worried about things being unprofessional. He wasn’t worried about Dieter breaking any unspoken rules, but himself. 
Din always kept a respectful, professional distance between him and the Oscar-winner and it worked for him. He hated that he fell for Dieter’s charms like so many others. The only difference was that they all had just an idea of who Dieter was, whereas Din knew his true self.
Dieter’s true self was sweet, shy. Definitely eccentric and weird, but he had an incredible sense of humor and great taste in music. Din wasn’t very good at… people, or talking, so he never really engaged in Dieter’s excited rants about things, but he always appreciated them from the sidelines.
A knock on the bathroom door startled Din out of his thoughts.
“Hey, are you done in there? I gotta pee so bad!”
Din couldn’t stop the smirk from growing on his face.
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An hour later, Din was laying on the bed close to the edge with the hotel blankets covering him from the waist down. He was checking in with Dieter’s manager and signing off for the evening. Dieter was curled up next to him a respectful distance away.
“Hey, Din?”
“Hm?”
“I’m sorry,” Dieter mumbled.
Din plugged his phone in and set it down, looking back at the actor with a frown. “What for?”
Dieter sighed. “Making you share a bed with me, I know it’s not… I know you probably don’t want to.”
“You didn’t make me do anything, Dieter,” Din said softly. “Besides, this is my job. If anything, I can guard you easier from here.”
A flicker of sadness crossed Dieter’s features before he chuckled humorlessly. “True. G’night, Din,” he mumbled, turning onto his side away from Din and turning the lamp off.
Din bit his lip in thought, but ultimately didn’t push anything. “Goodnight, Dieter.”
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3:37 AM
Din has always been a light sleeper, but especially so when on the job. So, when he hears Dieter moaning and groaning in his sleep, it doesn’t take much for Din’s eyes to open.
Dieter was often very cuddly, but he always kept a respectful distance from Din. Din supposed that changed once he was asleep, because it wasn’t long before Dieter was curling his arms and legs around the guard’s entire body and squeezing tightly.
Dieter made a satisfied hum in his sleep and cuddled closer, resting his head on Din’s broad chest.
Din froze, then subtly moved his arms so it was more comfortable. The actor made a quiet noise in his sleep, making Din watch him carefully. Dieter’s hair was a mess, sticking up in all directions. Din thought it was adorable, and before he could stop himself, tangled his fingers into the thick curls. 
“Mm, keep doing that,” grumbled Dieter, voice thick with sleep.
Din froze, tugging on Dieter’s curls in the process. A quiet gasp left Dieter’s lips, making the actor lift his head to blearily look at his bodyguard. 
“Wha’ y’ doin’?” Dieter slurred, rubbing a big hand over his face.
Din’s face was like stone, but he blinked rapidly as his cheeks warmed. “Um. Y-you were cuddled close and it woke me up,” he whispered.
“Ohh, sorry. I can move–”
“No, it’s okay. Just– Just go back to sleep, Dieter.”
Dieter furrowed his brows, assessing Din’s motives before a smirk grew on his face like he’d just clocked Din from across the room. He saluted Din sleepily and giggled. “Sir, yes sir!”
Din rolled his eyes, but smiled to himself when Dieter rested his head on his chest again.
“You’re warm,” Dieter hummed. It wasn’t long before he was snoring again.
Din snorted and shut his eyes. “Thank you.”
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Din woke up at 6:30 every morning. It would be a miracle if Dieter got out of bed before 10am. Thankfully it was a day off, so Dieter didn’t have anywhere important to be for once. 
Even though Din’s eyes were open and he was awake, he didn’t move. Couldn’t move, actually.
Dieter was clinging to him and subtly, well, humping Din’s thigh. There was no way Dieter was fully conscious. 
Din took a deep breath and steeled himself. He looked down and the sight before him was probably one of the most erotic things he’d seen in a while.
All in Dieter’s sleep, the actor was rolling his hips against Din’s muscular thigh and burying his face into the bodyguard’s torso, mouthing at the thin material of the shirt. Din was sure if he weren’t wearing anything, there’d be a hickey on his chest.
“Mm,” Dieter moaned quietly.
Din blinked, then looked towards the growing bulge in his own pajama pants. 
“Dieter,” Din whispered. When the actor didn’t respond, Din tried again, voice sharper.
”Huh? What, what happened?” Dieter stirred awake, eyes still mostly closed.
”Um, y-you…” Din gulped, unsure how to say anything. This was probably the least composed he’d ever been on a job.
Dieter squinted at him, trying to figure out what was wrong. When he felt something twitch against his leg, he looked down, then froze. Dieter slowly looked back up, but never removed himself, his leg still curled around Din’s waist. 
“You, uh…” Dieter cleared his throat, a shy smile gracing his features. “You want some help with that?”
Din’s eyes widened as his mouth opened and closed like a fish.
Dieter giggled, leaned over, and kissed the bodyguard languidly. Din made a noise in the back of his throat, but slowly melted into it, kissing the actor back. Dieter hummed happily, crawling onto Din’s lap properly.
”I have lube, gimme a sec,” Dieter breathed and nipped Din’s bottom lip. He quickly got up from the bed and tossed his pajama pants to the floor, leaving him stark naked in the hotel room as he dug through his bag for the lube.
”D-Dieter, wait, this isn’t—“
”Do you not want to?” Dieter asked, standing over his bag, hard cock protruding proudly from between his legs and lube in hand.
Din blushed. He looked away for a second and asked whatever god above that would listen to make this not weird afterwards. He exhaled a heavy breath, and turned back to the actor.
”I do.”
Dieter felt like his face would split in two from smiling so hard.
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They’d been making out for what felt like hours. Din’s cock was starting to throb between them. Dieter had removed Din’s pajamas like he was a piece of precious art and Din wasn’t sure how to react to that.
”Din, please, I’m ready,” Dieter pouted, humping Din’s thigh impatiently.
Din chuckled and nodded. “Alright,” he paused, holding Dieter’s pudgy hips. “Hand me the lube, please.”
Dieter grinned and leaned over, passing the bottle to Din’s strong hands. Din drizzled a generous amount onto his two middle fingers before pulling the actor closer to him. The sensitive heads of their cocks brushed against each other, making Dieter gasp weakly, and Din hiss in pleasure.
”C’mere,” Din grunted, pressing Dieter’s chest against his own so the actor’s ass was poking out and slightly spread from how he was sitting. “Relax for me,” he whispered.
The first press of Din’s middle finger against Dieter’s rim had the actor’s eyes rolling into the back of his head. The temperature difference between the lube and Din’s warm body had him shuddering hard. 
“That’s it,” Din hummed, pressing his middle finger inside to the second knuckle.
”F-fuck—!” Dieter gasped, his face buried in Din’s neck.
”Mhm,” the bodyguard grinned, slowly working Dieter up to a second finger. It wasn’t long before Din was pumping his two middle fingers inside Dieter’s tight hole, the lewd squelch from the lube nearly echoing off the hotel walls.
Dieter moaned, rolling his hips back against Din’s fingers as he tried to fuck himself on the thick digits. His eyes were half-lidded and his cheeks were flushed, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the handsome, competent bodyguard underneath him.
His cock oozed pre-cum onto Din’s belly, the head flushed a deep red color. “Want you… inside me,” Dieter panted, biting his lip to keep from moaning too loudly.
Din watched Dieter closely, fucking his fingers at a steady pace. “That what you want?” He asked, his heart pounding in his chest. He tried his best to keep a cool head, but Dieter could tell from the sweating beeding at his temples that he was holding back a lot. The actor wanted to see him let go for once.
”Y-yes. Please, Din,” Dieter pleaded, leaning over to kiss the guard’s neck tenderly.
”Alright,” Din groaned, slapping one of Dieter’s cheeks, but not enough to leave a mark. Maybe next time, Dieter thought. “Get up. You wanna ride me?”
Dieter’s cock twitched hard between them. “God, yes, more than anything,” he groaned.
Din got comfy against the pillows and squeezed Dieter’s thighs. “Go slow, okay? I don’t…” He bit his lip in thought. “Don’t want you to get hurt, okay?”
A crooked smile grew on Dieter’s face. “This ain’t my first rodeo, cowboy,” he winked. Dieter knee-walked until Din’s shaft was nestled between his ass. He hummed at the feeling and relished in Din’s big hands on his hips and thighs, but he could tell Din was a little nervous.
Dieter cupped Din’s face and kissed him properly, easing Din down from whatever ledge he’d led himself to. “I’ll be okay,” he whispered, lifting his hips. He reached between his legs and slowly, carefully sank down onto Din’s cock.
A punched-out groan left Din’s lips at the tight heat enveloping him. He breathed hard, closing his eyes. Dieter smiled, his chest heaving as his body grew accustomed to the stretch.
”It’s… It’s been a while, gimme a sec,” Din wheezed, pressing his head into the pillows underneath him. 
Dieter hummed happily and ran his hands over Din’s strong chest. He did this often enough that his body was already starting to relax. This particular stretch though, knowing it was Din’s cock inside him, had Dieter going a little lightheaded. 
Din nodded and looked up at him. “Okay,” he smiled shyly. “I’m ready.”
”Good, because I’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” Dieter smirked. He lifted his hips and slammed them back down, making himself moan out loud.
Din joined him, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration and lips parted in shock.
Before either of them knew it, Dieter was treating Din like his favorite dildo, fucking himself like his life depended on it. He rode Din’s cock lewdly, his own dick bouncing between them and covering their skin with pre-cum.
Dieter tossed his head back as Din’s cock hit his prostate. “Mm, fuck,” Dieter giggled, resting his weight onto his hands on Din’s chest. He rolled his hips, watching Din’s fucked out face closely.
”Fuck,” Din breathed. “You’re so…”
Dieter’s breath hitched a little and he smiled, wrapping his arms around Din’s neck. He kissed the bodyguard’s cheek. “So what, huh?” He teased.
Din groaned and gripped onto Dieter’s pudgy hips tightly, digging his nails in. “C’mere,” he growled, planting his feet onto the mattress to get better leverage. He lifted Dieter’s body enough so he could fuck up into the actor’s body.
Dieter moaned out loud, throwing his head back. Din set a punishing pace, fucking Dieter hard. “D-Din! Fuck,” he gasped. He could feel the weight on his tummy and thighs jiggle with each of Din’s thrusts and it made him blush all the way down to his chest.
A loud smack broke through the heavy, sweaty air as Din lost himself in the pleasure. Dieter felt a sting on his left ass cheek and it made him bite his lip. 
“I’m gonna c-come, Din,” Dieter whimpered, feeling his cock throbbing between their bodies. 
“Good,” Din growled again, holding Dieter’s soft body close against his hard one. “Come for me,” he panted, not letting up on the pace he had.
Dieter whimpered into Din’s neck and stilled, coming hard over Din’s chest and tummy. He moaned weakly in the aftershocks as Din followed the waves with his thrusts. 
Dieter deflated against the bodyguard’s broad chest, catching his breath. Din pet his hair, moving the sweaty curls off his forehead. “Did so good,” he hummed happily. Dieter’s eyes lit up with the praise and it made his head go a little fuzzy. 
”Now you. Wanna suck you off,” Dieter decided, voice full of determination. He was down there between Din’s legs before he could protest.
Dieter hummed appreciatively and curled his fingers around the thick shaft, lightly tapping the head against his tongue
”Jesus, Dieter,” Din groaned, hips bucking slightly. Dieter engulfed him in one fluid motion, bobbing his head in a steady rhythm. Din moaned, arching his back off the mattress. His fingers tangled through Dieter’s curls and tugged hard. Dieter whimpered, his whole body shivering in response. 
His cock twitching heavily and before he could warn Dieter, Din came hard down the actor’s throat. Dieter moaned in shock, but swallowed everything down happily. 
Dieter lifted his head off of Din’s cock with a lewd suck and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He grinned and crawled up the bed to cuddle against Din’s chest. “We’re doing that again.”
Din laughed low in his chest. “Not anytime soon, gimme a minute,” he chuckled.
Suddenly, the hotel room phone started ringing, startling them out of their afterglow. “I got it,” Dieter said, standing next to the bed and answering quietly. He hummed along in response to the hotel clerk before saying, “Oh, that won’t be necessary. Thank you.” He hung up shortly after.
”What was that?” Din asked, stretching his body like a lazy cat against the sheets.
”Oh, a room with two beds opened up,” Dieter said, jumping back onto the bed.
Din blinked, his brain slowly catching up with itself. A smile slowly grew on his face when he realized Dieter turned it down. 
“C’mere, you.”
Dieter giggled as Din pulled him close.
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