#give me a couple days i work for a living

[lady0mandy]

TL;DR: Fatshaming did not motivate me to lose weight, it programmed me to always hate my body, no matter the size.

Just wanted to weigh in with my personal experience with this matter. I was fat shamed, primarily by my mother, from the time I hit puberty. I was borderline underweight at this time, but my mother would still get on me about losing weight so I didn't get "bloatus of the toadus" or whatever the fuck she used to call it. In highschool it got a lot worse, with her criticizing my stomach every time she saw it and openly making comments about my body around family, friends, etc. I stopped letting her visit the doctor with me because I didn't want to hear her giving me shit every time they weighed me. She even asked the photographer who took my senior photos to edit them to make me skinnier (he was very uncomfortable and luckily did not do that). I repeatedly tried to explain to her why this behavior is inappropriate, and I would always get the same responses: "I'm just worrying about you" "I just care about you" "I just want you to be healthy" etc.

When I was 19 I broke my spine. As a result I put on about 15-20lbs and let me tell ya, all hell broke loose. The guy I was seeing at the time was fatphobic and would fatshame me on a daily basis while also trying to control what I ate and what I did in my spare time. I repeatedly tried to explain to him why what he was doing was hurting me, and all he could say was "it hurts because it is true" Eventually I had enough and kicked him to the curb. I remember trying to confide in my family about his cruel behavior and each time my mom couldn't help but chime in "he's right, you know!".

Do you know what over a decade of fatshaming did for me? Well, first of all it gave me a pretty messy eating disorder. Some days I wouldn't eat anything. Some days I would eat everything. Some days I would purge until nothing was left. However, it wasn't until I developed thyroid cancer that I saw a genuine change in my weight. I put on 50lbs fairly quickly and it had a detrimental impact on my self esteem. My entire life I had been told my worth was dependent on how skinny I was, and now I was rapidly gaining weight. I started hearing the same things my mother and ex used to tell me, but from a lot of other people as well. I quit making my silly little tiktoks and sharing my silly little opinions on the Internet because I couldn't handle the waves of trolls coming at me for my weight. I quit wearing makeup because I felt that I didn't deserve it. I quit dressing up because I felt I didn't deserve it. I couldn't look at photos of myself without wanting to cry. I couldn't eat a meal without feeling guilt and shame. I didn't feel motivated by their cruelty, I felt defeated. I felt helpless. I felt like a disgusting waste of space that didn't deserve to live.

I have made some major improvements over the past year or so. I have been working with a therapist on the ED for a couple years now and this past year I have done really well. I still have days where I don't eat, but I can't remember the last time I purged or over ate. I got my thyroid out, and my weight is returning to where it was. People have been complimenting me, telling me how great I look, how noticeable it is, how hard I must be working, etc and instead of making me feel happy or proud it just makes me feel like shit. I still hate who I see in the mirror. I still hate my stomach and my chin and the fat around my arms. I bought some new makeup and I'm trying to put more effort into my appearance, but all I see in the mirror is a clown. Fatshaming did not motivate me to lose weight, it programmed me to always hate my body, no matter the size.

Anyways, I doubt anybody is going to read all this but it felt good to type it out. Don't fatshame. It never helps.

The number of times I've earnestly seen the take "but it's good for fat people to be mean to them! It motivates them to lose weight!"

Also whenever you provide even light pushback that maybe bullying people does not magically make them skinny but instead makes them depressed, they immediately demand scientific sources as if "bullying fat people is good for them" is scientific concensus and you therefore owe them a peer reviewed paper.

No babe I'm so sorry you're not actually doing people a service by being an asshole to them you just want an acceptable target and have decided that fat people are one. You don't get to be a bad person until you've produced 3 peer reviewed meta analyses that being a dick to random fat people improves their health, OK? I'm sure people will thank you for your invaluable service of being an asshole.

[hyper-fixates]

Visions of a Life

Old Man!Logan x AFAB!reader (no pronouns/gendered language).

Explicit content (18+)

Word count: 5.7k

Tags/warnings: age-gap due to logan’s mutation (reader’s age not specified), established relationship, mutant!reader, not canon-compliant, fluff, domesticity, explicit language, dry humping, brief unprotected sex, angst (and i’m not joking), soft!logan, groping, a few uses of “baby”, mentions & allusions to death (no one dies tho), descriptions of blood (kindly let me know if anything was missed!).

Summary: What does an animal do when he’s sick? He goes away to die.

Notes: this was supposed to take a different route, but it just didn’t feel right as i went along…forgive me for being a bit of a LIAR 🙃

The dry Texas heat faded with each kilometre you travelled. The desert slowly turned into rangelands, and the rangelands eventually became the frozen, snow-covered ground of Alberta. 

The trip was only a couple days, and the stark change in weather almost made your bones nearly seize and shatter when you stepped out of the truck and were met with the sharp winter wind. 

The cold definitely made Logan’s bones ache more than they already do. 

Not even his red flannel and jean jacket can offset the negative temperature in the slightest. 

“Hm…wow. Cute,” you say in succession, taking a few slow steps toward the quaint cabin. 

It’s all dark, smooth wood that stands out amongst the bare, white birch trees and blue spruces that are covered in a light dusting of this morning’s snow.

The second thing you notice is the quiet. 

It’s so quiet. No neighbours, no highways—just silence, and the slight rustling of the wind through the tree branches. 

You’re deep in the bush, a spot near the south-west border that gives a partial view of the Rockies.

“Grab your bag,” Logan says as he shuts his door, the sound cutting violently through the still air. 

It’s almost eerily quiet. No chirping birds, no chittering squirrels, no howling wolves in the distance. Just you and Logan. Isolated. 

It’s everything he’s been yearning for since living in Mexico and spending more than enough time working in El Paso. 

It’s what he’s been missing desperately ever since living down south—Alberta—his real home. Yet it’s a place that holds no significance to you.

“Yes, sir,” you remark with a lazy, mocking salute of your hand, smirking at how Logan glares at you harmlessly as he walks by you to the cabin.

Logan decided it’s time. Time to come back. Time to be realistic about your future, or lack of, together.

He decided that he’s done fighting himself, and that there’s nothing left for either of you in Mexico even if it’s all you’ve come to know. 

He refused to let himself die in the desert and leave you with nothing but sand. There was no comfort there. No semblance of a promise.

The light snow crunches under your steps back to the truck, your breath swirling in small clouds around you. You yank your bag out from the backseat and slam the door as Logan did, hearing the sound echo into the wind before dissipating into nothing. 

If you focused heard enough, you could probably hear your heartbeat. That’s how silent it is.

“Creepy,” you mumble to yourself as you follow the imprints of Logan’s footsteps back to the cabin.

You go up the few rickety stairs, stomping your shoes clean on the equally rickety deck, and open the squeaky door. 

It’s definitely not a space that’s meant for more than two people.

It’s one level, open concept, and surely not heated by a furnace. The living room is directly to the left—you’re basically already standing in it—and a small kitchen is off to the right. The single bedroom straight ahead is the only room besides the bathroom that’s hidden behind walls and a door. 

And that’s it. Simple. Efficient. No walls, no doors, save for the bedroom and bathroom. It’s surprisingly intimate. 

“Please tell me there’s heat,” you lament, watching Logan dust off the few surfaces of fixtures and furniture as you toe off your wet shoes. 

Logan gives you a look. “There’s a fireplace.” He gestures to the barren, ash-filled pit that sits at the bottom of the chimney in the corner of the room. 

Above it, a mantle with a little T.V. “Cable?” You wonder aloud. This place is already more luxurious than what you had in Mexico, but at least in Mexico you didn’t have to worry about freezing to death in your sleep.

Logan limps along to the bedroom with his bag. “Satellite.” 

You suck your tongue against your teeth, following Logan to the bedroom. When you step through the doorway, you almost cackle. 

“Oh for fucks sake. We are never gonna fucking fit on that, Logan. Oh my God,” you moan in disbelief at the size of the bed. “You’re probably not even gonna fit on it.” Your voice pitches a little in exasperation. 

The mattress was maybe a twin. Maybe. It’s propped up on a thin metal frame that creaks and groans as you experimentally lean forward on your hands and bear some weight on it. 

“I do.” He tosses both your bags on the outdated armchair in the corner of the room. 

Your entire lives are in those bags. You only brought what you needed and what could fit. There wasn’t much to bring along from Mexico besides clothes and the necessary toiletries anyway. Anything else can be found and replaced back in town if needed.

He steps back to the bed next to you. “Relax. There’s always the couch,” he points out. “We don’t have to sleep together.”

You have never slept apart—he knows that—and that’s definitely not going to start now. This time is precious. 

You briefly recall the worn couch sitting in the middle of the living room in front of the fireplace: it’s a brown and red plaid pattern, probably from the 80s, and four cushions long. 

This cabin was stuck in time just as much as Logan likes to say he is.

“Help me grab some wood to get a fire going,” he says, giving the top of your head a chaste kiss. “It’s supposed to snow again tonight.” He slips past you out the doorway, the warm, lingering touch of his hand on your shoulder sends a shiver through your body. 

You saw a decent stack of pre-cut logs piled in the other corner of the living room when you came in, and you wonder who’s been taking care of things here while Logan’s been down south. 

The wood looked fresh, but the dust on the coffee table and window ledges suggests no one’s been here for months.

You figure that dust is the least of Logan’s worries right now.

━━━━

The fire crackles and pops softly, the bright light from the T.V. illuminating the dark room as you comfortably watch the Flames game horizontally—on Logan—from the outdated couch. 

The warmth from the flickering orange blaze in the chimney blankets you both, almost trying to melt you together like wax.

Logan lies on his back, legs spread to accommodate your body as you lay stomach-to-stomach, using his chest as a pillow while he uses the well-worn armrest as his. 

It’s the middle of the second period and the game is tied 2-2. You can feel yourself drifting in and out of sleep even though the analog bird clock hung next to the T.V. shows it’s barely 11 p.m. 

You know Logan isn’t asleep because he’s tracing a finger slowly up and down your spine. That’s what’s putting you to sleep, but the obnoxious ads pull you back into consciousness when the game cuts to commercial each time. 

Despite the volume of the T.V., you can still hear the rattling in Logan’s lungs with each breath he takes. 

The ear that’s pressed against his chest picks it up easily; it’s otherwise undetectable if you aren’t right up against him. 

You don’t want to forget that this isn’t, in fact, a fun little vacation that you’ll both return to Mexico from. This is where Logan will spend the rest of his days with you. There is no going back to Mexico, no future anywhere but here within these walls. 

Logan will die here. Like he wants to—at home, with you, surrounded by snow.

“Are you tired?” You say quietly. Your eyes aren’t even open as you ask.

A small chuckle makes your head vibrate. “I’m always tired,” he rasps, his voice rumbling deeply in his chest against your ear.

“Want me to put you to sleep?” You offer, thumbing the material of his flannel, eyes still closed.

He shifts, adjusting his neck. “No. I’m fine,” he explains, and you’re curious to see if he will fall asleep as easy as you can make him.

All it takes is a touch of a finger and a whispered command for him to slip into near unbreakable unconsciousness that lasts throughout the night. 

You hum. “If you need it, just wake me if I’m asleep,” you reassure. 

Almost every night in Mexico you’d knock him out cold, only you didn’t have to use a punch to do so. The press of your finger against his temple was enough. If he was in better health maybe it would take a bit more concentration and demanding, but it’s quick, nearly effortless.

Somnous is all you need to say—sleep. And his body can’t resist the surge of the pseudo-sedative that comes from within you.

━━━━

A chill that you’ve never felt before wakes you. It’s one that can only come with negative temperatures seeping back into the cabin.

Your body tenses and you peel your eyes open. The faint glow of red coals pulsing in front of you quickly tells you that no one made it off the couch last night, that no one slept on that sad excuse of a bed in the next room.

You and Logan are right where you left each other.

Logan breathes steadily under you, that rattling in his lungs still present even in sleep. It never wavers. It will never go away.

You try to carefully peel yourself off of him, stifling a groan as your limbs stretch and twist for the first time in hours. The tightness in your shoulders makes you clench your teeth. 

A few pops and cracks release from your joints, and then you’re free from Logan’s warmth. From the looks of it, he seems comfortable, but you know he’s going to complain about his back and neck as soon as he wakes up.

Thankfully, you’ll help him with that, just like his sleep. Just like you do with everything else. 

Remedium, you’ll mutter as your fingers trace along his temple. Relief.  

You can fix the superficial—a sore neck, a headache—but you can’t fix something that’s as embedded and chronic as what’s killing him.

You’re the cure. The cure for everything except whatever is festering inside him. He says it’s the adamantium, that it’s poisoning him, but you can’t say for sure. 

The early morning sun, all pinks and oranges, shines brightly through the large windows around the cabin. Then you see the snow falling.

You tip-toe to the window across from the couch. It’s been snowing since 3 a.m., but you weren’t awake to see it start.

Thick, fluffy snowflakes wisp around in the light wind and you lean closer to the window to get a better look at the scene outside.

You arrived late in the afternoon yesterday, missing the morning snow that blanketed the ground and decorated the trees.

Logan’s seen many winters come and go, and you’ll see just as many after he’s gone. Well, maybe not as many.

A deep groan fills your ears. “Ah—fuck,” Logan growls, pulling himself to sit up from the couch.

You skip excitedly over to him, bending down to cradle his head in your hands and press your thumbs against each temple, your lips meeting the top of his head in a brief kiss.

“Remedium,” you whisper into his hair, and he makes a satisfied sound in response as his body adjusts and fixes itself.

You move down to kiss his forehead, ruffling a hand through his bushy grey hair before pulling away and going back to the window to watch the snow spiral and churn in random shapes and patterns.  

A grumbled “thanks” is heard over your footsteps. He’s probably not even fully awake yet. 

“Look at the snow. Look,” you say in awe when you hear him shuffling along the creaky floor behind you.

It doesn’t look like anything special to Logan. He’s seen every type of snow, every type of storm Alberta has to throw his way; however, this may be the most mundane snowfall he’s seen that he can remember.

“What about it?” He says. He doesn’t know what’s got you so excitable. 

You look at him over your shoulder. “I’ve never seen a snowfall before,” you explain. “The snowflakes are so fat,” you chuckle as he comes to rest a hand on your lower back, peeking through the window over your shoulder at the snow dancing in the wind.

“Mhm, it’s nice.” He still doesn’t get it. “Go get ready. There’s more wood coming in a bit,” he dismisses with a gentle kiss to your cheek, dense beard poking into the plush skin.

He goes to the bedroom. You should follow, but you keep watching the snow.

In the moment, you don’t realize that while this is your first snowfall, it’s probably Logan’s last.

━━━━

The man who brings the firewood is also the one who’s been “looking after” the cabin for Logan.

They’ve known each other for years, decades, and the man has been doing monthly check-in’s despite Logan not even being in the country.

Logan muttered something about cage fighting, explaining how he knows the man and the bar he owns in town.

You make a face, one filled with curiosity and confusion. “Cage fighting?”

“It was a long time ago,” he defends, tossing the last logs onto the now vast pile in the living room. You now understand why the room is as big as it is.

“Still keeping secrets, huh?” You joke, wiping your hands on your sweater.

A new fire burns strong in the chimney, preparing the cabin for the wind storm that’s meant to hit in a few hours.

“It’s not important.” Logan unbuttons his flannel—today it’s a dark red one; truly Canadian—and strips to his white tank-top underneath. 

It’s almost jarring to see him in anything other than a white dress shirt and blazer.

He throws the flannel on the back of the couch, overheated from the fire and throwing logs. A vicious cough catches in his throat for an exhale or two before it finds its way out.

“You okay?” You ask calmly, walking up to him and rubbing a hand up and down his bicep. His skin clammy and damp from sweat.

“I’m fine.” Another aggressive cough. “I’m fine,” he emphasizes, mostly to reassure himself.

You both know he’s not okay. That’s why you’re here, after all. But you can’t stop yourself from asking.

━━━━

The wind storm knocked out the power.

The raging fire will probably be your only source of light for the rest of the night and into the morning.  

So, without power, there’s not much to do. But, you and Logan sit on the floor with him resting against the front of the couch. You sit between his legs, feeling the heat of him on your back while you watch his arms reach over and around you to set various sized coins on the coffee table to entertain—and educate, as he would say—you.

“That one’s so big,” you point out, reaching for the gold coin. 

Logan wants to make a joke so badly, but he settles for a small smile at what little he can see of your perplexed expression from the side, resting his chin on your shoulder every couple minutes and occasionally pressing little kisses to your neck and jaw just to remind himself you’re actually here.

You pick up the gold coin and turn it over in between your fingers, watching it shine in the firelight. 

The bird on the face of the coin is unfamiliar, and it’s dated “2000” on the back below the Queen’s face. 

“It’s a loon,” Logan clarifies. “One dollar.”

“It’s pretty.” 

“We call it a ‘loonie’,” he explains, “and this is a toonie.” He picks up the other large coin, one that’s silver with a gold center. 

You take it from him. “A polar bear?” You observe the face of the coin. “There’s polar bears in Canada?” You turn your attention to him, nose almost grazing his.

“You…didn’t know that?”

“Why would I know that?” 

Logan chuckles, snaking an arm around your waist. “Well. It’s where most of the population lives,” he defends, his hazel eyes almost looking as confused as yours.

“Good to know,” you mutter, placing the coin back on the table.

He shakes his head. “Quarter, nickel, penny, dime.” Logan identifies the rest of the coins for you, pointing to each from biggest to smallest.

“The dimes are cute.” You push the thin, silver coin around on the table.

His tattered wallet sits on the corner by your arm, and something peeks out from the bill slot that you paid no mind to before. 

“You have Canadian bills?” You ask as you pinch the thing between your thumb and forefinger, snatching it before he could answer or stop you.

You unfold the worn thing with ease, holding it with both hands and expecting to see a historic figure or a bold number printed somewhere, but there’s neither.

The paper is a little thicker than a bank note yet it’s almost the same size, but it has Logan with a young girl plastered on it in black and white.

An old photo, folded up and kept in his wallet as a reminder of something, or someone.

“Who’s that?” You question, analyzing the picture with a seizing heart.

Logan doesn’t answer right away, but he doesn’t move to take the picture from your hands. 

It’s him, decades younger, giving the young girl a piggyback. An uncharacteristic smile on his face that you’ve never seen before while the girl peeks her head out beside his for the photo. 

“Marie. She was a kid I, uh, helped, I guess.” The deep timbre of his voice is enough to tell you that he’s suddenly forlorn. “One of Charles’ students.”

“You’re so…young,” you consider quietly, eyes filling with adoration and fondness at the boyish Wolverine in your hand. 

You never knew what Logan looked like in his younger years, and it never occurred to you to be curious about that. You’ve grown so used to your Logan that nothing before all this mattered much to you.

Still, there was someone else who got to experience the younger, more spirited version of Logan that only exists in pictures now, and you long to have been that lucky someone just to be able to have had more time with him. 

But this is your Logan; scarred, aching, dying. This Logan was meant to be yours. 

The Logan that stares at you from the wrinkled picture is barely recognizable against the one behind you, yet he’s still somehow the same. It’s like seeing a ghost after saying you don’t believe in them: you don’t really know how to explain it.

“And your hair is…” You squint at the photo, as if that will help you to find the right word to describe the quaffed points peaking from his head.

“Fucking ridiculous?” He finishes. 

You laugh. “Well, I was maybe gonna say majestic. Or even sublime,” you correct. 

The photo is creased along the edges and down the middle from being continuously opened and refolded, and you wonder how old it is—if it’s older than you.

“Yeah, well, that was a long time ago,” he exhales, stealing the photo from your fingers and folding it back up, making sure to bury it completely back in the wallet this time.

“Where is she now?” You know you shouldn’t ask but the curiosity is clawing at you. What you know of Logan’s past is extremely limited, but there’s a reason for that. You’re hoping he can at least give you this.

Logan’s shoulders grow taut. He debates lying, but he doesn’t. “Dead.”

━━━━

“Logan?”

No answer.

“Logan,” you say more firmly.

No answer.

“James,” you throw at him, watching his head quirk to meet your voice. 

“What?” He barks, quickly averting his attention back to whatever holds his attention in his lap.

You hesitate in the bedroom doorway, afraid of what you might see if you take another step, but you already know what it’s going to be. It was only a matter of time before Logan fell back into himself.

Logan sits on the creaky, old bed with his back to you, a tremble in his shoulders that no one else besides you would notice. He hates that you notice.

You lightly tiptoe around the bed and drop into a squat between his legs, resting a hand on his knee.

Three adamantium claws occupy the space between you, blood slowly dripping from his knuckles and staining the wood floor. His eyes stay on the claws, but you keep your gaze on his face anyway.

His fist shakes, either from the pain of pulling his claws out or the atrophying muscles.

“There’s no reason to keep doing that…that’s not what we came here for,” you gently scold, watching him take a shaky breath while you try to control your own.

You came here to escape the pain, even if you’ll inevitably face something far worse down the road.

He does this when he feels helpless. You don’t know what it achieves, but he seems to believe it does something other than marring his skin even more and making his forearm burn with white-hot pain from metal sliding against his aged tendons and ligaments.

“Put them away. Please,” you encourage, squeezing his knee comfortingly.

Logan closes his eyes. He doesn’t nod or say anything as the claws retract back into his skin, albeit at a snails pace. You worry that one day they’ll just get stuck in or out forever.

You can’t influence his body to physically repair itself or heal faster—you can only provide a barrier to the pain while it subsides on its own.

You stand, hand reaching for his temple to whisper the magic word like always, but Logan’s bloodied fingers wrap around your wrist.

His eyes finally meet yours. “No. Leave it,” he dismisses, sliding his hand up into yours and smearing the warm blood between your joined palms and linked fingers.

It’s futile to argue against him, so you let him have this; the pain he hasn’t been able to shake for years, the pain you can’t entirely stifle and fade, the pain he would never wish upon anyone, the pain he will only escape in death.

━━━━

“I can let you go,” you cry softly. 

He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead, letting his lips linger when he feels your hot tears fall against his bare chest one after the other. 

It’s one of those mornings—where everything just hits you out of nowhere. One of those times where reality has set in. 

Logan doesn’t say anything because he knows there’s nothing he can say to comfort you. He will die. And nothing can change that.

You lie on him, your cheek to the middle of his chest, unable to stop the silent, persistent tears.

The rickety bed, in fact, holds both of you, and a soft cotton blanket does little to save you from the frigid morning air that has snuck into the cabin yet again.

“I can’t do it,” you whimper quietly, shaking your head against him. “I can’t.”

He wraps both arms around you tightly, squeezing around your shoulders so snuggly that your lips form one of those sad, downturned smiles you make when you’re overwhelmed—happy or sad. 

“We don’t really have a choice, baby,” he mutters against your head. 

A gentle finger traces along the textured, angry scars over his bicep. There’s one that’s older, almost entirely white from the trauma to the skin. A small, round one sits directly above it—most likely from a bullet—and you know it’s more recent from how raised and pink it is.

It feels wrong to have Logan comforting you over his death when it’s him who will be the one dying, but he hasn’t shown any panic or sadness over it.

He’s ready to die. For some reason, that hurts you more.

Maybe he will make it long enough to see the first flowers of spring; those that are strong enough to brave the Canadian frost. 

Maybe, somehow, he will get better. Heal himself from the inside out. 

Maybe he won’t end up buried underneath the birch trees.

━━━━

You both barely left the bed today.

You let each other mourn, and Logan didn’t protest. He let you take the time to process what you were feeling. It felt good for him, too.

He reluctantly had to get out of bed to stoke the fire a few times, and now he’s gone to do so again before you call it a night. An early night. You’re worn out. From crying, from feeling, from everything.

The wind has picked up again, howling and whipping harshly against the cabin. It’s supposed to snow in a few hours, but you don’t feel excited for it like you did a few days ago.

“That should burn all night,” Logan says as he comes back in the room.

You shuffle over on the bed for him. You don’t really fit, but you make it work by half-lying on each other. Either your upper body lays on his chest or his upper body has you almost tucked underneath him while he spoons you.

“Thank you,” you murmur with your eyes already closed, ready to forget about today.

The bed frame groans as Logan shuffles in beside you, slipping an arm around your midsection to pull you to tight against him. 

Despite the cold, and the fact that you both should definitely be wearing fleece pyjamas or something, you’re both almost entirely bare. It’s just habit. You usually opt to wear one of his tank tops while he just keeps his briefs. It’s familiar. It’s comforting. The skin-to-skin reminds you both that you’re real.

Tonight, however, you chose his white t-shirt. As if that will do you any better. Logan runs fairly hot on his own, so you ultimately trust him to keep you warm either way.

He nestles into you, curling his body around yours. He slots a leg between your own and situates you so that your ass is pressed against his front. You know it doesn’t mean what you think it does, but you can’t help yourself from jokingly wiggling back and forth against him a few times just for fun—just to lighten the solemn mood.

Logan kisses your shoulder, the hand around your midsection squeezing the flesh of your stomach through the shirt affectionately while pushing you tighter against him. 

“Yeah, yeah. Get some sleep,” he dismisses. He knows you’re just fucking with him.

You giggle quietly, interlacing your fingers with the ones he has against your stomach and turning to look over your shoulder at him. “Love you.”

His face softens. “Love you.” 

You pucker your lips dramatically. He gives you an eager kiss, placing small pecks gently down along your cheek and jaw when you break away to smile. 

Logan will never deny you of his attention when you ask for it. 

━━━━

Something pushes you out of a heavy sleep. You figure it was maybe the wind or a dream, but you feel it again. Something literally pushes you.

You blink a few times, trying to wake yourself up. Logan’s arm is still thrown around you, but it’s now fallen down over your hip. The weight of it keeps you in place.

Another push. 

Logan’s hips shove against your ass. You furrow your brows. 

You know he’s sleeping without needing to look or ask, so what the fuck is he doing—

A more delicate thrust rolls against you this time, then you realize. “Oh, Jesus Christ,” you sigh.

“Logan.” You poke his thigh. No response.

“Logan,” you growl, reaching back and pushing a hand against his firm stomach to shake him a bit.

A series of grunts and groans are his response. He pulls back from you a little, hand tightening against your hip.

“Mm. What?” He mumbles, eyes still closed.

“Stop trying to fuck me in your sleep,” you hiss through a breath, repositioning yourself against him.

“I’m not,” he says, nuzzling up to your back and ass again, half-asleep.

You roll your eyes even though he can’t see it. “Yes, you are,” you counter.

It’s probably just some sex dream that got him a little too excited. The thought makes you smile. 

It has, in fact, been longer than usual since you’ve fucked, the last time being in the truck when you pulled over at a rest stop in Montana, and you wonder if he’s starting to feel the effects of that. 

By the time you reached Montana, you were both antsy and restless. The days, and even nights, were naturally spent just sitting in the truck for hours on end with nothing to do—no way to stimulate or tire your bodies.

The final night in the state was the breaking point. You had unburned, pent-up energy and cramping muscles that needed to be worn out if you wanted to survive the last day on the road before you got to the border.

So you pulled over and fucked in the passenger seat. 

Logan let you bounce on his cock until the lactic acid in your thighs made you cry out in pain and you physically couldn’t ride him anymore.

He made you drag it out—for both of your sakes. He wanted your hearts to pump hard and your lungs to sting with each inhale. He wanted your bodies to be fucked into a state of relaxation afterwards.

So, he didn’t help you ride him like he usually does. He didn’t help guide you by your hips up and down his cock. He let you do it all by yourself while he licked and sucked over your collarbones and teased your clit with his fingers.

You both came hard, laughing at the fogged-up windows while cleaning yourselves up with those rough, brown napkins everyone has in their glove compartment for some reason.

Then you continued on, satisfied.

All of this has kind of thrown off your sense of normality. Sex went with that. It’s hard to be horny when you’re sad all the time.

You suppose you don’t need to wonder if he’s feeling the effects of no sex because you’re feeling them for him; his hard cock rests in his briefs against your ass, and you debate doing something you know you’re gonna do anyway.

Just like earlier, you circle your ass over him lightly, hopefully just enough for some payback for waking you up. You assume he’ll tell you to knock it off.

“Baby,” he mutters against the back of your neck tiredly, and you can tell he’s in need of a release.

You smirk. “Hm?” You rub harder over him.

He subtly joins in with your movements, rocking in time with you. His cock feels warm and heavy against your ass.

“Good dream?” You ask, a smile evident in your voice. 

Logan grabs at the meat of your thigh, measuring his thrusts. “It’s…been a while,” he deflects, but you know that just means he’s in need of an orgasm.

“I know. I’m sorry,” you apologize, swallowing a gasp as he ruts harder. 

“Not your fault,” he breathes, too preoccupied with kissing your neck softly. His beard tickles you, grazing against the slope of your neck with each kiss he drags over it.

His broad, warm chest keeps you from drifting off too far. Your cunt pulses and aches from the tease of his cock, undoubtedly soaking your underwear as he rubs along the space that’s just shy of your cunt. This is somehow more erotic than if he was actually fucking himself over your pussy between your thighs.

The bed creaks with his shifting weight, filling the silence in the room as the wind still beats against the cabin.

It’s never mindless, chaotic sex with Logan. Technically, this isn’t even sex. 

He always gave you an appropriate fucking. Not too much, not too little. It was always just exactly what you both needed at the time of doing it. This feels no different.

You can feel your underwear sticking to you—it no longer slides with his desperate movements. You’d be content with finishing whatever way Logan wants. These days, you take what you can get.

“Too tired.” For sex, he means. “Just wanna feel you.” He caresses his hand along your thigh appreciatively. 

You grab his wandering hand. “That’s okay,” you soothe.

His hips have slowed to a gentle rock, intent on taking a bit of the edge off without wanting to fully commit to chasing an orgasm and needing a clean-up. 

Logan isn’t really one to drop everything for sex. Maybe he was like that at some point, but that’s not who he is now. 

He’ll gladly blue-ball himself for some sleep. He knows you’re not going anywhere.

You let him feel you up for a bit, and his movements stop altogether after a few gropes to your chest and thighs—purposefully avoiding anything directly below your bellybutton. 

He rests behind you tightly, pelvis somehow closer than before. You still throb a little, but the warmth from Logan gradually pulls you back to a state of exhaustion.  

━━━━

It’s never been lost on you that you are the only one to have experienced a full, complete relationship with Logan. 

You didn’t die, or get killed. You didn’t leave him or grow old. You are the only one to have this moment. The seemingly immortal Wolverine has someone at the end of his life when he thought he never would. 

He never expected to be the one to go first. It was always the other way around. That’s how it was always supposed to be. 

Yet, there is a spot slowly thawing for him underneath the white birch trees.

here’s the photo reader pulled out of logan’s wallet <3

[genericpuff]

Update regarding HRT: I had my assessment today! It went very well! The nurse practitioner is a very sweet lady who I'm definitely gonna have a great time working with! And it's gonna take way less steps than I thought it would to get started on T! (largely owed to the fact that the nurse practitioner I'm working with is working independently now, so while that does unfortunately mean I have to pay for appointments with her out-of-pocket, it ALSO means she doesn't have to put her clients through the unnecessary and traumatizing hurdles and gatekeeping of institutionalized trans healthcare that are merely designed to wear people down / discourage them from transitioning)

Only thing that's an apparent hurdle at this time is trying to book bloodwork, as I currently don't have a health card for the province I live in, just the one I was born in (the plan was to get an updated health card once my legal name change went through but the postal strikes currently have that process in limbo so I'm waiting on an update from head office, hopefully they'll have good news and I won't have to go through that entire process again lmao) and that presents issues when trying to book with our online healthcare services because they're traditionally expecting the format of my current province's healthcare information, which differs from my birthplace.

That said, I have gotten bloodwork done in the past with my older health card, it just usually requires in-person trips with an actual human being who can file my health card info without any of the technical limitations of online bookings. Worst case, I have to wait for all that legal name change shit to go through, but hey, I waited this long, I can wait a couple months. Best case though, I just have to find time to book an in-person appointment for bloodwork, which is annoying, but doable.

It also turns out my ADHD practitioner and my new HRT practitioner are besties, so they're gonna work together to make sure I get the care I need and I'm just... so freaking thankful for that, because they're both so great and knowing that I now get to work with both of them throughout this journey is giving me so much more confidence and reassurance.

It's still scary, especially now that everything is moving along (and so quickly, too) but it's a good kind of fear, like conquering the big loop in a rollercoaster. Ultimately, no matter what I have to worry about regarding starting HRT, those fears are nothing compared to the fears of remaining the same, in a body that I don't feel comfortable in, with the side effects I have to cope with every single day simply because I was born female. Those side effects were always inflicted upon me, I never got to choose. Now I have a choice, and with that choice, I can embrace the side-effects of change, because it's change that's moving in a positive direction.

It's giving me such an adrenaline boost knowing that I'm finally making steps towards something that I had let sit within arm's reach for so long.

I'm just really happy, y'all. I expected literally nothing going into 2025 and while I'm still keeping those expectations low, my hopes are the highest they've ever been <3

[etchingsandepitaphs]

Down Time

MORE ARCANE FANFICTION I'M NOT SORRY it's CaitVi Hurt/Comfort this time tehehe enjoy

Word Count: 2703

Summary: Vi has a couple of hours to herself, and spirals when she realizes she has nothing to do. Caitlyn comforts her, and shows her something in the Kiramman mansion that brings up an old love.

CWs: Described panic attack, discussions of war-related PTSD, mentions of death, mentions of class imbalance, swearing

------------------------

No matter how long she spent there, Vi was certain that she would never get used to the overwhelming size of the Kiramman mansion. Even if Caitlyn had said it was more modest compared to some of the other councillor’s families, she in no way believed her. The place felt sprawling, endless hallways of rooms that had taken her weeks not to get lost in. Even now, despite living there, she still found herself getting turned around.

She’d found herself with a couple hours to spare while Caitlyn was busy, and immediately she was overcome with a deep-rooted anxiety.

“You sure there’s nothing I can help you with, cupcake?” She asked, hovering in the doorway to her girlfriend’s office. Caitlyn was staring at a machine that Vi knew held all of her mother’s decades of research, and she shook her head, clearly already in intense focus.

“Just give me a few hours, and I’ll be all yours. I just have a problem that I’m trying to work out.” She was chewing on her bottom lip, and sounded slightly dismissive in a way that made Vi know that the conversation was over. It wasn’t a personal attack, it was just the way she always got when she was trying to focus. 

“Right. Okay. Cool. No worries. I’ll see you in a few hours then.” She peeled herself away from the doorway slowly, allowing the office door to swing shut behind her and trying to keep herself from being stressed out.

It wasn’t like she was trying to be clingy. Caitlyn was allowed to do things without her; hell, it was healthy for them to do things without each other. But she still felt her breath quicken as she made her way down the hall, walking aimlessly in the opposite direction of the office.

She’d been in situations that would have been the stuff of nightmares for her teenage self. She’d fought monsters, and fought people worse than monsters. She truly had very little left to be afraid of.

So why did the idea of having free time scare the shit out of her?

She had genuinely nothing that she needed to do. And while her normal recourses would be to drink or to train, she’d sworn off alcohol after her weeks in the pit, and she’d just done a pretty intense full-body workout that morning. Not having to be a walking weapon anymore meant she had to learn how to pace herself. How to think a week ahead, not just a day.

She was struggling to grasp the concept.

Having downtime wasn’t something she had been used to, in recent years. Definitely not since Vander died, but probably a bit before that. She’d been itching to fight from the moment she was old enough to comprehend the hand that the undercity had been dealt.

So she made sure that she could. She honed her skills in every spare moment she had. She got in street fights to practice, she went running to improve her stamina in case they needed to escape. She was watching her family, or she was training. Those were her only goals. For years.

And then she got thrown into Stillwater, and all of the sudden she was in survival mode.

She was almost certain that she’d never left.

Her breath was coming quicker now, and she mentally berated herself for being so ridiculous. She was perfectly safe. She had nothing to be afraid of here.

Yet her body was reading signs of panic anyway, on the edges of her mind and threatening to overwhelm her system. Her hands had begun to shake, and she couldn’t help but sink to the ground in the hallway, back pressed to the wall. She felt dysfunctional and childish; she shouldn’t have to rely on her girlfriend to give her tasks. What happened to having hobbies? She was certain that she’d had hobbies once, hadn’t she? Things that she wanted to accomplish with her time, before it had all been overcome with war?

She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, trying to calm herself down. She didn’t even know what she was freaking out about, truly. Was she honestly that upset about not having anything to do? She could go take a nap, for fuck’s sake. This wasn’t that big of a deal.

But her brain wouldn’t listen to any of that, not once the panic attack had started. All she could do was sit on the floor and unravel while she waited for her mind to get its bearings. She only hoped that nobody would —

“Vi? What’s wrong?”

Fuck.

She moved her hands away from her eyes and saw a very concerned looking Caitlyn Kiramman at the end of the hall. Caitlyn rushed over to her side instantly, clearly scanning her body for physical injury as Vi was overcome with an undue feeling of embarrassment.

Of course she’d find her like this. Of course.

“Did something happen? Are you okay?” She seemed to have concluded that there were no external signs of damage, and Vi just shook her head slightly as she attempted to breath well enough to speak.

She held up a finger signaling for Caitlyn to wait a second, and she gave her the space she needed, watching in concern as Vi forced air in and out of her lungs. After a moment, Caitlyn joined her, sitting up against the wall next to her girlfriend and taking in calming breaths.

Vi had no idea how long they sat there like that. How long it took for the fog in her mind to clear and for her thoughts to unscramble themselves. Only that when they did, she was overcome with the urge to cry.

Caitlyn seemed to notice that she’d calmed down, because she turned to her again, lightly placing a hand on her leg to get her attention. Vi flinched a bit, refusing to look at her for a second before Caitlyn spoke.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked, and Vi’s heart broke at the concern in her voice. She turned to her instantly, shaking her head.

“No, no, it wasn’t anything you did. I just… got overwhelmed. For a minute.” It was a bullshit explanation, and they both knew it. But Caitlyn just gently wrapped an arm around her girlfriend, allowing Vi to fall into her embrace.

She didn’t want to cry, but she couldn’t help it. Her body relaxed instantly, tears running down her cheeks as she let her head rest on Caitlyn’s shoulder.

“I don’t think… I don’t think I know how to be a person anymore,” She said, struggling to get the words out, voice choked with emotion. She had a hard time crying around other people, but that had long since gone out the window with Caitlyn. At this point, they’d both seen each other cry enough that they were well aware of what the other one needed.

And Vi just needed to get it out of her system. She pulled herself back together pretty quickly as Caitlyn gently ran her fingers through her cropped hair, but she still didn’t move from her girlfriend’s arms even after the tears had stopped. She just sniffled, feeling suddenly exhausted.

“What do you mean, you ‘don’t know how to be a person’?” Caitlyn asked once her crying had slowed. Vi just sighed, shaking her head.

“I don’t know. I’m being ridiculous.”

“Hey,” Caitlyn said, tilting Vi’s chin up so she was looking her in the eye. “If it’s impacting you, it’s not ridiculous.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “I’m pretty sure I haven’t had free time since before Vander died. Before… all of this. I don’t know what to do with myself now.”

“Oh, darling…” She was clearly thinking hard for a second, nodding to both herself and Vi. “I had a similar experience after my mom died. Everything in my mind was war, and anything that wasn’t didn’t feel like it had any place at all.”

“Exactly. And now that it doesn’t all have to be war… it’s like I don’t know how to be a regular functioning adult anymore.”

She felt Caitlyn’s arms tighten around her, and both women sat there in silence for a second, thoughts racing. Finally, Caitlyn spoke again.

“Well, what did you like to do? Before, I mean.”

Vi laughed a bit. “Hell, Cait, I was like ten. I don’t even know if I remember.”

Caitlyn laughed as well, before shaking her head. “Okay, then what did you wish you could do when you were a kid? Like, when you had free time, what did you want to do?”

“I mean, I’ve always genuinely loved boxing…”

“But aside from that. I know you love boxing and that’s great, but that’s also a survival tactic. What sounded like it would be fun to do, if you were able?”

She thought about it for a minute before her mind was drawn back to the job they’d done that started all of this. When she broke into Jayce’s lab, and the first thing she’d run to was the bookshelves lining the wall.

“I’ve always wanted to get more into reading. We didn’t have a ton of access to paper books in the undercity, but I remember when I was little devouring whatever my parents could get their hands on.”

She looked over at Caitlyn to see her grinning, a slightly mischievous smile that made Vi’s stomach flip. “Well in that case, I have something you’re going to be very excited to see.” She unwrapped her arms from around Vi’s frame, before asking, “Can you stand?”

“Yeah, I’m all good now.”

She rose to her feet, holding her hand out to help her girlfriend up and remembering the first time they were in this position. On the streets of Zaun, right after Vi had been stabbed. The first of many times that she had called her “cupcake.”

That felt like a thousand years ago now.

Still, she shook off her reverie as she felt Vi’s hand firmly in her’s, pulling her to her feet and quickly taking off in a brisk walk down the hall. Vi jogged a little to catch up, watching Caitlyn with a wary enthusiasm.

“Cait, where are we going?” She asked. Caitlyn just grinned again.

“You’ll see!”

They turned the corner to a hallway that Vi had never seen before, and were soon standing in front of a pair of double doors. Caitlyn was practically bouncing on her feet now, and she looked over at Vi excitedly.

“Are you ready?” She asked. Vi just raised an eyebrow at her, trying to act concerned even as a small involuntary smile flickered over her face.

“I think so?” She replied, the answer taking the form of another question. If Caitlyn noticed though, she didn’t care, just throwing open the doors in front of them to reveal the most beautiful room Vi had ever set eyes on in her life.

Just when she thought that Kiramman mansion couldn’t get any nicer, all the air left her lungs as she walked through the doorway and into an ornate library. Floor-to-ceiling shelves filled with books lined the walls, and she wondered to herself how anybody could possibly read all of these in their lifetime.

And her second thought was of how badly she wanted to try.

She didn’t say any of this to Caitlyn though, of course. Instead, she just smacked her arm and said, “You fucking people have way too much money.”

“Hey, don’t look at me! I didn’t build the house.” She put her hands up in defense, even though it was clear that Vi’s tone was lighthearted. She still wasn’t really sure if she was truly upset or not when she marveled at Piltover’s wealth. There was a strange sense of guilt that ate at Caitlyn every time she mentioned it, despite the fact that these were simply positions they were both born into.

“How…” She was snapped out of her thoughts by Vi’s breathless exhalation, the two of them having now moved into the middle of the room so that her gaze could trace every single shelf. “How many are there?”

“Oh god, I have no idea. A lot. Some of them are my parents’, but a lot of them belonged to my grandfather as well. He was quite the collector.”

“But they all belong to your family?” Vi asked, hardly able to believe it. Caitlyn just nodded. She had never viewed the library as mundane, but she was relishing in seeing it through new eyes. Recognizing just how beautiful it truly was.

“And you can read every single one of them, if you want to,” Caitlyn said, and Vi’s gaze snapped to hers. She was grinning like an idiot now, and it made Caitlyn’s heart melt.

“I cannot believe I’ve been here for two weeks now and you haven’t shown me this yet,” She remarked, her tone carrying a joking accusation. Caitlyn just laughed.

“I didn’t know you were passionate about reading! And also, in my defense, we were both a little bit preoccupied.” The cleanup and restoration efforts after the fight with Viktor and The Arcane had been immense, and were nowhere near done yet. This was just the first time that either of them had had even an hour of downtime.

Vi just laughed, though her expression turned a bit more solemn with the reminder of everything that had happened over the past few weeks. Still, the shine in them wasn’t dimmed as she looked at the room around her. “So… you’re sure you don’t need help with anything?”

Caitlyn laughed too, and she shook her head. “Nope. Nothing. I’ve got it all taken care of, and you’re welcome to spend as much time in here as you want.”

Vi grinned, pulling her girlfriend in for a kiss. When they broke away, both of them were smiling. “Thank you so much.”

“Of course. I’m just glad that I could help.”

“You always help,” Vi said, a sincerity in her voice that made Caitlyn’s eyes water.

“I love you,” She said, pulling her in for another kiss before Vi could get a word out. She laughed when they broke apart again.

“I love you too, cupcake.”

Caitlyn took her leave from the library after that, leaving Vi to stand there marveling at her family’s collection. For a moment, she wasn’t even sure where to start. The shelves didn’t appear to be labeled in any particular organization system, and none of the titles sounded very familiar.

Until her eyes caught on a book that dragged up a memory she had completely forgotten that she even had.

“Holy shit,” She exclaimed under her breath, pulling it out and assessing the cover. It was in significantly better condition than the copy that she’d had as a kid, but the memory was vivid all the same. She opened it up, thumbing through the pages as scenes came rushing back to her.

Her ninth birthday, when her parents had given her a small package. It was her favorite gift she had ever been given. She read the entire thing that night, and then the next day she read it again, and again, sitting curled up in a corner booth at The Last Drop as she devoured the pages until they were practically falling apart. She’d lost it at some point in the move from her parents’ house to Vander’s after they were killed, and the loss devastated her.

And now she had it in her hands again.

It was a children’s book. It wasn’t like it was the peak of literature. With all the books in this library, she could surely find a better one. But at that moment, there was nothing she wanted to read more.

 She held it tightly in her hands like it would slip away again, moving over to one of the armchairs in the corner of the room. Surrounded by books, nestled into a safe spot in the Kiramman mansion, she allowed herself to relax for what felt like the first time in years. She opened the cover.

And she felt the warmth of home.

[episodes-ff]

Can I Love On You?

Armando

Walking around the house with the event coordinator, I pinched the bridge of my nose trying not to strangle her as she discussed the current details surrounding our New Year's party. That's right, a damn party! Diamonté was absolutely insistent upon us having a big celebratory bash to ring in the new year with our loved ones. We could have sprung for a cozy, quaint get together at Mike's but nooooo, it had to be special! I agreed because she's my Queen and I'd give her the world, but she's taking the whole thing to the next level. Entertainment, caterers, live music (I told her that was a hell no and she refused to look at me for a few days), and planners. Two chipper, annoyingly perky and overly expensive planners, named Sabrina and Becca, who were willing to give Dee her wildest dreams no matter the cost or aggravation to me.

"Are you listening, Armando?" Sabrina pondered in her disgustingly happy voice as she looked up from her planning book. "Uh, y-yea, you said we'll be doing an entrance?" "Precisely! Once the fire dancers do thei-" "Fire dancers?! What fire dancers?!" "For the New Year's extravaganza! They will be stationed at the-" "No! Hell no! Matter of fact, hold on just a moment." Nodding swiftly in fear, she clutched her planner to her chest as I turned and stormed up the stairs. "Diamonté!" "I'm in the bedroom, baby!"

Marching into the confines of our room, I saw her in the closet organizing and folding clothes. "Hey, sweetie, everything ok?" "Everything ok? This party is getting out of control, Dee. I'm putting my foot down!" Looking up at me, she frowned her big puppy dog eyes but I wasn't budging, not today. "But papa, I want this to be special! It's our first New Year's together as a family and I wanna celebrate that properly." "Fire dancers? Jugglers? All these crazy fireworks? Baby, we don't need all this craziness to celebrate our family." I cooed as I saw the beginning of tears forming in her eyes. "But I want it." "Next year, baby. We can plan and e-" "No!" She stomped snapping into a full on tantrum as my brows furrowed in disbelief. "Que?" "You heard me. I really really really want this party." She murmured staring in fear as I leaned in closer. "And just who do you think you're taking that tone with?" I gritted against her ear as I felt the goosebumps cover her skin. "U-Um, I-" "Tsk tsk tsk, nah baby girl. I don't think you heard me clearly. You'll understand in a few minutes though."

Terry

Hearing the ringing of my phone, I groaned before picking up the call. "Hey, Tee! Change of plans, we're doing the party over at Mike's. Just something simple and intimate if you still wanted to come." Armando clarified as I nodded. "Thanks for the heads up. Um, I'm still a little busy but I may stop by to show my face for a couple minutes." "Ok man, just hit me up if you do come." "Will do, thanks!" Saying our farewells, I ended the call before looking around and huffing as I grabbed another box. Hoisting it up onto the counter, I huffed before going through the remaining of my things.

After the filing I knew the best thing for everyone involved would be for me to leave, so I did just that. I gave Anaya the house and bought a small apartment a little bit away from work so that I could still provide for her and the kids and give her some peace. We agreed to co-parent for Maya's sake, but I don't want to hurt anymore and I'm trying to make good on my promise not to. I can't really say the same for her, but again that's my own doing...

**ONE WEEK EARLIER**

It was Christmas Eve in the Richmond household and things have been anything but cheerful. Despite the best efforts from my parents to have a cozy and warm gathering, tensions were still at an all time high, and getting more petty by the minute. "Terry, will you please let Anaya know that I'm putting the ham on now so she can use the stove to start the greens?" "You could have texted her." I muttered to myself earning her scowl. "On my way." I sighed before trudging upstairs. Walking up to her door, I heard her giggling sweetly in what felt like forever. Quietly smiling to myself, my grin quickly dissipated as I heard the smooth chuckle of another man. "Boy, shut up! You steady lying!" She chuckled as my brows drew together in anger. Who the fuck?! Waltzing in, I watched her shift her eyes up to me as her bright smile transitioned to a deep mug while pulling her phone to her chest. "Can I help you?" "Kitchen's available." I spat before slamming her door and heading out for a jog.

Coming back from my jog, I ignored hellos and greetings as I headed up to the room. Changing out of my clothes and hopping into the shower, I let the steam overtake me as my thoughts ran wild. Damn, she just gone hop to the next nigga like that?! Nahhh, Tee, you can't really fault her, you know you caused this. But she just fucking filed two days ago, what the FUCK?! You did her foul though, can you really blame her for wanting to move on so quick? True true true. NAH FUCK ALLAT SHIT?! WHO THE FUCK IS THIS NEW NIGGA?! Ending my shower, I tossed on some sweats and a tank before barging down to the kitchen. Seeing her by the stove, I pulled her toward me and stormed off with her in my grasp. "Hey! Wh-" "Mama, watch the stove please?" "O-Ok." "Terry get the fuck off of me!"

Walking into the garage, I slammed the door shut as she jumped from the rush of cool air. "Terry, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Don't be fucking snatching me up like that! And why you bring me down here in this cold ass shit?!?!" "Aye, shut allat shit up! Who the fuck is this new ass nigga?!" "Wh- Ahahaha!!! Yo you serious?!" "Anaya, I'm not fucking playing with you!" "And nigga I'm not mothafucking playing with you!" She shouted poking my chest before I grabbed her hand. Staring each other down fiercely, I silently fumed huffing as she puffed her on fiery breaths at me; our eyes trailed down slowly, almost memorizing one another, landing to each other's lips. You could hear an ant piss how tensely we were eyeing each other.

Leaning forward slowly, I caressed her cheek pulling her into a deep and sloppy kiss. Immediately tangling her hands in the nape of my neck, I hoisted her up feeling on her juicy ass as she wrapped her legs around me grinding her center against my waist as the kiss heated up. Smacking her ass as I held her close, her moans coated my ears beautifully before a voice called from beyond. "Anaya, sweetie! You have a guest!" We heard my mother signaling Anaya to jump off me and scurry into the house in confusion at her actions. Looking on in my own confusion, I followed her before stopping in my tracks as I saw another man standing at my mother's doorstep with flowers for my wife.

**FLASHBACK OVER**

Ever since that day it's been all about her and Rome. I can't even lie, a nigga was livid, hell I'm still livid! I did some of the lowest shit possible but am I really not worth a second chance? This is my first time ever doing something this crazy to Anaya and immediately I'm thrown to the wolves?! I think that crushes my spirit the most, but it just motivates me to do what I gotta do to get my family back. Terry Richmond is once again, a man on a mission of a lifetime.

Anaya

Waking up, I stretched before feeling warmth as his strong arms wrapped around my waist. Looking over at him, I smiled as he placed a kiss on my cheek. "Good morning, beautiful." "Good morning to you too, handsome." I giggled before he got up to relieve himself and take a shower. Listening to Rome humming from the bathroom door, I blushed before opening my Snapchat and taking a few pictures to match my glittering mood. Choosing one from the bunch, I smiled typing my somewhat petty caption before posting it to my story and getting up to go join my new man in the shower.

Rome and I have started dating and while things are still pretty casual for us, they're starting to heat up. I took that chance and texted him after the encounter at the grocery store, and he took me on our first date on Christmas Eve. Of course, Terrence was royally pissed but he'll be ok. I told him off the bat about my pregnancy and he's been so accepting and caring of the situation. It's only been a week since we had our first date but he's been treating me like a princess nonstop, even agreeing to come to Miami for New Years so I wouldn't spend it alone. We haven't slept together, but if he keeps this up, I might be breaking that rule.

Getting something for Maya to snack on, I smiled as my phone continued to buzz and ring with plenty of congratulations and well wishes for the new year. I decided I wasn't going to hide this pregnancy or separation from the world or the people in it. I was in fact a new woman, and I'm damn proud of the new woman I'm becoming. I do wish sometimes that things could've been different, but everything happens for a reason. Walking into her nursery, I smiled as I handed Maya her fruit and checked her before heading back into the room to see about Rome. I haven't had them interact yet because for me it would be too soon but I can’t wait for the day. I just hope Terry doesn’t try to ruin this for me.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Tags: @theereina @violetmuses @kumkaniudaku @kaylaahisthebestest- @kimuzostar @simpledopeme @mymindisneverhere @believeinthefireflies95 @tbmotw @brisunique @madxlov3 @playgurlxoxo @mauvecherie-writes @casualsludgeshoetoad @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @geneziesm @ghettogirly @goldenjasssy @megamindsecretlair @vivaalenaa @ranikyani @luuvprincess @perfectlyimperfectme @comfortzonequeen @melanin-honeyy @qdancer22 @strawberrymoon45 @luckygirlszn @kindofaintrovert @secretlifeoofmarpessa @cmbmjbfan @summwerella @ihateyallniggas @rebelrel0987 @cheracherachera @bhristpher @cocooned-butterfly @theblessedcap @deijalee @catha2003 @magik22 @pinkbuzzlightyrrr @sweettea-and-honeybutter @j0joworld @liv10002 @justicefordeanthomas @withoutmusiclifewouldbflat @brattyfics

[blueskiestarot]

Update

Hi, friends. I just wanted to check in and let y’all know why there has been a lack of posts over the last week. My boy crossed the rainbow bridge a couple of days ago. I’m not doing so well. So, I’m just giving myself some time to grieve and heal before jumping back into things. Thankfully, there has been a big snowstorm where I live. So, I’ve had a few days off work to rest and spend time with my family. I will get back into readings soon. I’m going to be answering messages I’ve gotten in the next day or so. So, if you sent me a message or email, I hope you know I haven’t forgotten you. I’m also planning to reopen my store for personal readings by the end of the month. I’m also going to launch a Patreon page for y’all if you want extra readings and guidance throughout the week. So, keep an eye out for that soon.

Thank you for being here, for sending me extra love and support right now, and for just being you. I’ve missed y’all and hope you are all doing well. 💛🫶

Love,

Tara

[frillydolle]

Hiiii! This is my first time requesting ever, I really love your writing and was wondering if you’d be interested in a fic where Arthur Morgan and this high-class lady love each other but due to their reputations can’t ever meet in public. So Arthur has to sneak into her bedroom or vice versa??

Maybe she ends up abandoning her high class life for him?? It’s up to you!

Sorry if this is confusing and please don’t feel the need to respond, I’m sure you have so much other work to do. thank you so much!

arthur morgan x rich female reader

꒰ 𝝑𓏲 ꒱ sooo ur like mary linton , slightly aka very suggestive near end

he was an outlaw from the west. and u were a high society lady living in the big city saint denis. it could never work... a lady couldn't live and love with a cowboy, could she?

with the magic of letter sending and meeting up during the night, the two of u always enjoyed your time together. he'd give some flowers or a necklace (that he totally didn't steal) to u, as action spoke louder than words. arthur wanted nothing more than to make sure that u knew he absolutely adored u. even if the small voice at the back of his kind tells me that he shouldn't be pursuing this.

he's practically letting u be in the hands of danger. he's an outlaw, anything could happen. he could be jailed.. or even worse- which u didn't dare to think about. or just what if something does happen and he goes cold? he just hates the idea of upsetting u in any way. it was something he couldn't handle.

you were in the comforts in ur bed, reading some fantasy novel u got from the bookstore a couple of days ago. even if your mother suggests that a lady shouldn't waste her time on such things, u didn't care. books were like your brain, a sort of escapism from your strict, wealthy life. since you would do anything to leave this heavy life of urs. and that's when u heard some footsteps..

and this caused me to look to ur right, watching the window fiddle and shake for a little bit. u adjusted urself as u sat up, putting ur book down beside u. and soon, seeing a thick arm come through before his leg goes through, and oh, u recognise that gun belt from anywhere.

“...arthur? i didn't think i'd see you again, the papers-” “oh, i have my ways, sweetheart.” he says as he pulls himself through your window, staying aware of his surroundings as not to bump into anything that will cause your parents to walk in. and how glad u were to see him! a sight of relief left ur lips before u stood up, leaning up to give him a kiss on his cheek.

“i missed you, arthur.. how is everything?” u ask him as u sit back down on ur bed, and he follows ur action, sitting next to do as u felt his callous hand reach for urs. and soon, ur fingers intertwine with his, a small subtle of intimacy. eveeytime he let himself into ur room, those same feelings that bubbled up inside from the first time u met him. ur eyes would be in such adoration for the man, like he was a forbidden fruit, a desire that wasn't good morals.

“'m better now that 'm with ya.” he says before he leans into u, his lips soon landing on urs as a giggle as u felt his hand provocatively slide up ur thigh. “dutch wants to rob the bank here.. but i ain't sure of it.” he murmurs before he moves down, lightly kisses your neck as he feels ur arms snake around his neck.

“... your life is always more exciting than mine.” u reply softly, trying ur damn best to stay so as not to make a sound in fear of ur parents hearing either u or arthur. and by ur words, he leaned up slightly to look at u, his head tilted slightly. “if yer thinkin' what 'm thinkin' then it ain't happenin'...” he replied before going down to ur neck once more and then to ur collarbone. it was like he was trying to distract u, that damn-

“i'd rather leave in the middle of the night to come see ya, knowin' that nothing ain't happened t'ya.” he hummed softly before he bit down ur collarbone, and that left a pretty mark on ur skin. it always made u giggly, knowing that he was often careful like that to make sure that no one didn't see anything. i mean, he was always so observant, until now.

until the two of u heard the sounds of ur parents' footsteps making way to ur room.

[justabigassnerd]

'Till The End pt. 1

Pairing - JJ Maybank x reader

Word Count - 4,597

Series Warnings - swearing, smoking, angst, fluff, violence, weapons, blood, injuries, death, some canon divergence, drugs, alcohol, mentions of physical abuse

Summary - After coming back from your adventures discovering El Dorado with the Pogues, you thought your treasure-hunting days were behind you. However, soon enough, you and your friends are dragged into another race for a priceless treasure with twists and turns you never could’ve anticipated.

'Till The End masterlist

'Till The End playlist

A/N - hey y'all! it's time for the first part of one of my two JJ Maybank series and I'm super excited to be giving this out into the tumblr world! this is a little birthday gift from me to y'all so I truly hope you guys enjoy this because I have been working on it for a couple of months now and I never want to let y'all down or disappoint you. as per y'all please send in requests, feedback, and enjoy!!!

You couldn’t help but smile as you followed behind JJ as he took in every inch of the newly built ‘Poguelandia’, it was like watching a puppy discover his new home. Everyone followed JJ as he excitedly led them through the house, designating rooms for everyone before excitedly dragging you into what he had dubbed as your shared room.

“I can see it now. The business takes off, and then you and I can get a place of our own. Oh, maybe we could use some of our share of the gold money to put aside for a house.” JJ rambles, taking in the new room as your eyes widen slightly in shock at his words.

“Hey, Baby. Eyes on me for a second, okay?” You stay, smoothly stepping in front of JJ and cupping his face in your hands, his eyes struggling to focus on you for more than a millisecond.

“My eyes are here JJ, just look right here.” You say softly, gently coaxing JJ into looking you in the eyes.

“Sorry. I’m getting too ahead of myself aren’t I?” JJ says apologetically, his eyes flicking down to the floor as you brush your thumbs over his cheeks softly, a small smile on your face.

“No, Baby. You’re excited and that’s okay. But we don’t need to worry too much about that stuff at the moment. Let’s focus on getting the business up on its feet with the others first, huh? I’m so unbelievably happy with you and that’s not going to change even if we live in a house with the others.” You say softly, smiling as you shake your head. At your words, JJ gets the courage to look back up at you and offers you a weak smile.

“You sure?” JJ asks quietly, and your heart sinks at his words. You knew about the damage his dad had done to him over the years which had an everlasting impact on his attachment issues. He clung to his found family like they were his lifeline and you knew he would burn down all of society if it meant you and the other Pogues were safe.

“I’m positive, JJ. All I want is to be by your side.” You assure him softly, your smile refusing to falter for even a second. At your words, JJ’s shoulders sag slightly in his relief before he carefully manoeuvres closer, silently asking for permission to kiss you. Without even answering his question verbally, you lean closer, pressing your lips against his in a delicate kiss, your hands traversing up to his hair, messing with the fluffy strands as he deepens the kiss, his hands drifting to your waist as he pulls you impossibly closer. The two of you continued the soft kiss until the need for air became too much and you pulled away slightly, immediately resting your foreheads against each other as you gazed lovingly into each other's eyes.

“I love you so much,” JJ mumbles gently, his smile boyish and lovestruck as his eyes refuse to break the gaze.

“I love you too.” You reply, your voice matching JJ’s in softness as you smile back before he pulls you back in for another kiss. You didn’t know it was possible to love a person as much as you loved JJ.

Both of you had been part of John B’s friendship group for years and as you grew up, your crush on JJ hit you like a giant wave all at once. At first, you thought you could ride it out, act as if it was nothing more than the waves you so regularly surfed on but it soon pulled you under. You often found yourself searching for JJ in a crowd, longing to be near him as much as possible. For the longest time, you thought your crush was unrequited and that JJ would never look at you the way you looked at him. But by some miracle, JJ did reciprocate your feelings, and after a particularly close call, you and JJ had been separated from the rest of the Pogues and while you hid, JJ hurriedly confessed his feelings, both of you terrified that it was going to be your last few moments alive.

Hearing JJ confess that he had feelings for you made your heart flutter, a feeling you’re sure you weren’t supposed to be feeling when your life was at risk. All you could do at the moment was stare, wide-eyed before the sound of footsteps approached nearby and instinctively, JJ wrapped an arm around you, tugging you as far back against the wall as he could, making sure he was shielding you from any potential harm. You both waited anxiously with bated breath, swearing you could feel his heart pounding strongly against your side. You heard the people mingling nearby, their footsteps scuffling along the concrete as they called for you to come out from wherever you were hiding, their voices growing angrier by the second. When one of the men suddenly shouted, you let out a slight whimper which made JJ suddenly press a hand over your mouth to keep you quiet when the men thought they heard something. Your eyes had flicked over to JJ’s in a panic, your shaky breaths now muffled by his hand. Yet somehow, JJ looked calmer than you did. He still carried the tension of a prey animal listening out for a predator, but his eyes were ever gentle, like he was convincing you that everything was going to be okay. When the men began to grow frustrated and walk off, JJ carefully removed his hand from your mouth and apologised quietly. Sensing that the coast was now clear, JJ helped you to your feet and with your hand in his, quickly rushed you back to the Chateau where you discovered that you were alone, giving you the chance to finally confess your feelings to him after his sudden confession. This led you to where you are now, both of you insanely happy and in love.

You were shaken from your thoughts when you heard someone's fist slamming against your closed bedroom door, making you and JJ jump apart in shock.

“Are you guys done sucking face in there? We want to make some food and then set up a campfire or something.” You hear John B call through the door before hearing the unmistakable sound of Sarah giggling outside as well, making you roll your eyes at your friends.

“I’m going to kick his ass,” JJ mumbles as you chuckle at his faux annoyance at his best friend.

“Come on, we should probably eat, it’s been a long day.” You say with a smile, getting ready to exit the room, grabbing one of JJ’s stray hoodies and tugging it on, smiling at the faint scent of his cologne that still clung to the fabric. Just as you moved towards the door, you felt your phone buzz in the pocket of your shorts and you pulled it out without a second thought, turning it on and eyebrows furrowing when you saw the text displayed across the screen.

“What is it?” JJ asks, picking up on your change in mood and instantly wanting to protect you.

“It’s Mom and Dad. They know we’re back from the Oricono and they want me to go over for dinner.” You say with a sigh.

You didn’t have the worst relationship with your parents. They just constantly pushed you to do things that they wanted you to do as opposed to letting you pick your own path. Your family was an outlier in the Outer Banks. You had enough money to get by, so most of the Pogues considered you a Kook. But you weren’t rich enough to own a yacht or a membership to a country club, so the Kooks all considered you a Pogue. It didn’t help your family’s reputation that you were constantly hanging out with the most troublemaking group of Pogues and it definitely added to the tension between your family. And with the way your dad’s business was going, your family was inching closer and closer to becoming Kooks and you knew it was only a matter of time before they bought a house on Figure Eight so the last thing they wanted was a daughter who associated with the Pogues as much as you did.

“Do you want to go? You know you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” JJ says softly, instinctively taking your hand in his and squeezing it softly. He knew about the growing tension between you and your parents. JJ had been witness to a lot of arguments and it broke his heart to see the hurt on your face when your parents tried to convince you to leave behind the Pogues and dubbed it ‘silly’ that you hung out with them.

“I owe it to them to go. It’s just dinner and I can come back home after. I don’t want to miss out on a campfire.” You say, seeing the smallest of smiles crossing JJ’s face when he realised that you had referred to Poguelandia as ‘home’.

“I’ll drive you over. I’m not letting you head over alone.” JJ says, ever the protective boyfriend as you sigh softly before nodding, knowing you’ve lost the battle before you even tried.

“Okay.” You reply softly, opening your phone so you can reply to the message, letting your parents know that you’ll be coming over.

“Let’s go then. John B will let us use the Twinkie.” JJ decides, already leading you by the hand towards the door, quickly locating John B the moment the two of you leave the room and whistling quickly to get his attention.

“Yo, John B! I need the keys to the Twinkie,” JJ says as the two of you approach John B.

“You need the keys to the Twinkie? What if I need the keys to the Twinkie?” John B says, placing a hand on his chest as if he was scandalised by JJ’s demand.

“You boys are ridiculous,” Sarah murmurs with a roll of the eyes and an amused smirk on her face at the antics of JJ and John B.

“It’ll be for a few minutes max. JJ is just dropping me off at my parent's house for dinner. He’ll come straight back after.” You say quickly, conscious of the time and what your parents could be like and at your words, John B was instantly digging in his pocket for the keys to the Twinkie, handing the keys to JJ before offering you a friendly smile.

“You’ll be back for the campfire, right?” John B asks with a raised eyebrow as you nod.

“I’m planning on coming back as soon as I can but also no promises.” You say as John B and Sarah nod.

“Well, we’ll keep stuff aside for you just in case,” Sarah says, her smile ever-friendly as you nod, grateful for your friends.

“Hey, tell the others I haven’t ditched them and I’ll make dinner next time, promise.” You say as you and JJ make your way out of the house to head for the Twinkie, smiling as John B offers you a salute and a friendly wink.

“I won’t have anything to drink tonight. You can text me when you want me to come pick you up.” JJ says, opening the driver's side door and getting behind the wheel while you clamber into the passenger seat.

“You don’t need to do that J, I can make my own way back.” You say with a smile, not wanting him to miss out on the fun.

“I want to. I’m not letting you walk home in the dark. Especially if those damn Kooks decide to roam around.” JJ says, his eyes narrowing at the thought of any Kooks trying to seek out and hurt Pogues and finding you in the process.

“JJ…” You mumble, thinking of another fighting point but just seeing the look on his face was enough to get you to back down. He had made his decision and you knew there was no way you’d be able to talk him out of his choice.

It took no more than ten minutes for JJ to drive you over to your house, and when you saw the all-familiar Jeep parked in the driveway you couldn’t help but tense up slightly, a movement that JJ noticed instantly.

“Is that…?”

“Leo’s car.” You confirm, feeling your stomach twist as your anxiety takes hold. You had a much more tense relationship with your older brother. Leo had always tried to fit in with the Kooks while you were happy and felt much more at home with the Pogues which helped to aid the tension between the two of you.

“Do you want me to come with you? The others won’t miss me.” JJ offers, resting his forearms on the wheel as he looks over at you with a soft gaze that was reserved for you only.

“It’s best you head back to Poguelandia. The last thing I need is a fight breaking out.” You say, looking over at JJ who fights back a frown.

“I’ll be on my best behaviour.” JJ tries bargaining, not wanting you to be alone.

“I love you, JJ. But it’s best I go in alone.” You say softly. JJ was very vocal in his hatred towards your brother, he often enjoyed pushing his buttons to get a rise out of him and there had been multiple occasions where you’d had to step in when it grew physical. You knew JJ’s heart was in the right place, it always was, but you didn’t want him getting hurt on your behalf.

“If you need me, call me. I’ll be there as quickly as I can.” JJ says, his gaze focused solely on you as you lean forward to press a tender kiss to his lips, the moment gentle before you pull away offering JJ a small smile to convince him you’ll be okay.

“I’ll be okay. I’ll come home before it gets too late.” You vow quietly, giving JJ one final soft kiss before turning to get out of the vehicle, offering him one final wave before approaching the front door of the house, knocking tenderly and waiting for the door to open.

“y/n, it’s good to see you.” Your dad says as he opens the door, his smile faltering when he catches sight of the Twinkie, his glare hardening when he sees JJ behind the wheel, studying the interaction carefully.

“Is JJ staying?” Your dad then asks, his tone sharp as he continues to glare.

“No, he just wanted to drop me off. He didn’t like the idea of me walking over alone.” You explain, looking over your shoulder, smiling and waving at JJ to let him know you are okay.

“He better not be hanging out here the whole time. I don’t need people thinking I tolerate that boy.” Your mom then says, sidling up alongside your father as they both watch JJ carefully.

“He’s not staying I just said that. He’ll move on in a minute.” You insist, navigating your way into the house just so your parents would stop glaring at JJ. The moment you were in the house, the door was slammed behind you and you made your way through to the living room where Leo was lounging on the sofa, watching some tv show you knew most Kooks loved.

“y/n. Didn’t think I’d see you around here.” Leo says snarkily as he rises to his feet, the tv show now forgotten as he stares down at you.

“Mom and Dad are my parents too in case you forgot. I could be asking you why you’re here.” You snap back, glaring at your older brother.

“Figured I earned myself a break. I wasn’t going to spend all my time at college was I?” Leo says with the roll of his eyes as he folds his arms across his chest.

“I wish you did.” You mutter under your breath as you turn around, already beginning to make your way through to the dining room.

“What did you just say?” You hear Leo ask as you leave, beginning to trail behind you.

“It doesn’t matter Leo. I was just thinking out loud.” You say, annoyed by your brother bothering you.

“You’ve gotten real mouthy because of those Pogues. Why do you hang out with those assholes?” Leo asks, goading you.

“Those assholes are my best friends and one of them is my boyfriend. I don’t give a shit about what you think of me but don’t you say a fucking word about any of them.” You growl angrily, turning to face Leo.

“Language y/n. What have those Pogues taught you? To disrespect your family?” Your dad interrupts, a steaming dish of food in his hands as he enters the hallway to make his way to the dining room. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at your dad’s comment, he always took Leo’s side.

“I wasn’t- you know what? Let’s just eat dinner. I’ll help bring food out.” You say, throwing up your hands in exasperation as you move to the kitchen where your mom is organising the food into separate dishes.

“I’ll take the vegetables through, Mom.” You say, forcing a smile as you pick up the dish of steaming vegetables.

“Thank you.” Your mom says, barely glancing over at you, her focus staying on what she was doing. You take the dish through to the dining room, fighting the urge to roll your eyes when you see Leo sitting at the table, already plating up his own food while no one is sitting at the table. When all the food was brought through, you and your parents finally settled down at the table and plated up your meals. At first, the silence was welcomed, nothing more than the sounds of cutlery against plates. And then Leo decided to open his mouth.

“So, how well did that supposed ‘treasure hunt’ go?” Leo says with a smirk, convinced he was going to embarrass you.

“It went well enough that we were able to get a business starting soon.” You answer nonchalantly, bringing another forkful of food to your mouth.

“What do you mean?” Your mother enquires, all eyes suddenly on you.

“We bought the Maybank plot. Did up the house and built a little shack out the back, a little waterside surf shop. We’re going to sell live bait, snacks, drinks, all that stuff.” You shrug, watching as Leo’s eyebrows furrow in annoyance.

“You Pogues think you’re actually going to get anywhere with that? No one will want to buy from you guys. Especially using the Maybank plot as your home. No one wants to go near land associated with Luke or JJ, they’re both as bad as each other.” Leo says, raising an eyebrow as you clench your jaw.

“Don’t say that about JJ. He’s nothing like Luke.” You say firmly, fighting the urge to slam your fists down. You’d seen the damage Luke had done to JJ over the years. You had been the one cleaning his wounds and hugging him even when he insisted he was okay. JJ was nothing like his pathetic excuse of a father and you told him as much.

“We all know JJ has a temper to match his old man’s. It’s only a matter of time.” Leo taunts, smirking as he senses your growing anger.

“JJ is ten times the man you’ll ever be. You look down on the Pogues because you’re so damn desperate for the Kooks to notice you. News flash, the Kooks think our family are Pogues. They don’t give a shit about you. Just because you splashed Mom and Dad’s money on a fancy Jeep, people aren’t suddenly going to accept you. Going to college is the best thing you’re ever going to achieve so use it. Get the fuck out of OBX.” You say angrily, your eyes narrowing as you stare at your brother, his shit-eating grin only angering you further.

“Enough of the language, y/n.” Your father snaps, his glare cold as he looks over at you.

“That’s a good point you mentioned, y/n. When are you planning to go to college? Have you looked at any?” Your mother changes the subject, looking pointedly over at you.

“No, Mom. I don’t want to go to college.” You say, exasperated by the question you had been on the receiving end of for years.

“y/n, you can’t throw your whole life away for a silly group of friends. This treasure hunting isn’t a career and neither is that silly surf shop. You can’t make a life like that. You’re only eighteen years old.” Your father says, his voice gruff and firm.

“Dad, they’re not a silly group of friends. They’re my family. I don’t recall many silly groups of friends becoming millionaires the way we have.” You say firmly.

“No. We are your family, not those Pogues. That money will run out sooner or later. You lot don’t know what to do with it.” Your father then says, his fist pounding against the wooden table loudly.

“My bet is JJ will waste it all. Just like his dad.” Leo mutters, making you fight the urge to throw something at him.

“Look, what we’re trying to say is that you’re not going to stay friends with those Pogues forever. And your relationship with JJ won’t last forever either. You’re on a time limit and we don’t want you throwing your life away just for a boy and his friends.” Your mom says, painting on her faux kind voice as you feel your eyes building with tears. Without warning, you push your chair back and get to your feet, darting for the front door and ignoring the annoyed calls of your parents as you exit the house. As you stepped into the cool night air, you debated on texting JJ, but you didn’t want to bother him, he deserved to have a good night with his family. You could make your own way back to Poguelandia.

You tugged JJ’s hoodie further around you as the cool night air settled around you. You couldn’t stop the tears from falling as you relive the comments your family made about your friends and your boyfriend. The walk wasn’t one that would take you too long, but JJ’s concerns about the potential of Kooks roaming around just to bother Pogues rattled you slightly. Every time a car drove past, you felt yourself tense up, worrying about whether you needed to get ready to protect yourself from anyone. When you were about halfway back to Poguelandia, you heard a car pull up alongside you, and your head whipped around, ready to come face to face with a Kook and instead seeing the Twinkie and JJ sticking his head out the window.

“y/n, you gave me a damn heart attack when I saw you were walking home. I said you could text me.” JJ says, holding his phone up and showing you the screen where it displayed your location.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper, your voice thick with tears as you look at JJ, seeing his whole demeanour shift when he notices your glassy eyes.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” JJ asks, his eyes growing wide in shock as you shake your head, crossing to the Twinkie and climbing in, tugging the hoodie sleeves over your hand so you can furiously wipe at your eyes.

“Can we just go home?” You ask before JJ can begin asking more questions.

“Yeah, of course. We’ll head home and go to our room, call it a night.” JJ says, looking over at you as a tear rolls down your cheeks despite you trying to conceal your tears.

“No, I want to hang out with the others. I need to take my mind off everything.” You mumble thickly, not wanting to ruin the mood.

“You sure?” JJ asks, briefly removing his gaze from the road to look at you, concerned.

“I’m sure.” You confirm with a nod, your focus on the world going by. Wordlessly, JJ reaches over and rests his right hand on your thigh, squeezing lightly which brings a small smile to your face. Without even trying, JJ was always able to bring the smallest of smiles to your face. It took practically no time to get back to Poguelandia and you were greeted happily by the Pogues who were all sat by the campfire, waving you over.

“You were gone too long, y/n. You could’ve saved us from John B’s cooking.” Kiara teases as you approach the group, turning down the offer of beer from Cleo.

“Sorry guys. Tomorrow, I’ll make the food.” You reply, trying to sound as upbeat as normal but your parent's words were plaguing you. Hovering over you like a cloud. Instead of joining the others by the campfire, you beeline for the hammock, climbing into it and curling up.

“Room for one more?” JJ asks quietly, asking for permission to join you.

“Always.” You mumble in response, waiting patiently for JJ to clamber in alongside you, settling in the hammock alongside you as it sways gently. JJ soon tucks you against his side, his warmth inviting and comforting as you curl into him, resting your head on his chest and watching the others at the campfire whistle and hoot.

“You two lovebirds.” Cleo teases as Pope laughs, wrapping his arm around Cleo.

“I mean come on, Baby, we’re just as bad,” Pope says teasingly, pressing kisses to Cleo’s cheek as she laughs but leans into the embrace. You laughed quietly at their antics, feeling JJ press a soft kiss to the top of your head as his hand tightened around your waist in an attempt to hold you closer.

“You doing, okay?” You hear JJ ask quietly, wanting to check in on you.

“Better. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” You mutter in response, curling impossibly further into JJ, his cologne and his natural warmth comforting and making your eyelids flutter shut, the exhaustion of the day sneaking up on you. JJ seemed to sense your exhaustion, and so his hand moved from your waist to play with your hair, setting his free hand near yours so you could tiredly reach out and fiddle with the rings that sat proudly on his fingers. It had become a nightly routine for you to play with his rings as you dozed off, it helped you relax and take your mind off anything that might’ve bothered you during the day. You were vaguely aware of JJ whispering over at someone but you didn’t bother to strain your ears to try and listen. All you heard was hushed voices and then the sounds of footsteps and twigs crunching before a blanket was placed over you. It was one of the fluffy blankets you and the others used when sat around the campfire. The smell of smoke clung to the blanket after nights of use and it helped to provide even more comfort to you as you pulled the blanket up to your nose, making sure it covered JJ enough too.

“I love you, y/n.” You hear JJ whisper softly as you begin to drift off to sleep, only able to cuddle closer to JJ before you finally slip under the comfort of sleep with JJ’s steady heartbeat pounding beneath your head.

[msschemmenti]

under one roof 🏠

an installment in the girl next door universe

summary: an unwelcome guest pushes JJ and Emily to ask their girlfriend to move in with them.

a/n: just had to work this into the girl next door universe somehow– shoutout to my fav-- @nikoniclove -- for inspiring me to use my lived experiences in this one. that being said, this is essentially based loosely on a true story. dropping this here while i work through the last chapter of girl next door.

Y/n’s lease was ending pretty soon and she was pretty much all set to sign for another year. Yes, she’d been officially dating Emily and JJ for about 8 months now, sleeping with them for longer, and knowing them for almost a year and a half. This was definitely the longest she’d waited in a relationship to move in but this was also the first relationship she’d seriously been in with an established couple. So there was a bit more to think about when establishing new living arrangements. As of right now, she liked her space, and JJ and Emily hadn’t outright asked her to invade their space so she wasn’t pushing it. Even if most of her things were over there and she spent almost all of her time over at their place. But at the current moment, she really saw no reason to give up her space just yet– until there was a reason.

“Hello,” Y/n sang down the phone as she turned her vacuum off to answer the call. It was the first Saturday of the month and she always used this time to clean. JJ and Emily had been gone for the last week in Nevada and had returned late last night after Y/n had fallen asleep. Per their agreed-upon routine, the morning call was expected by now. What wasn’t expected was the sheer panic and chaos that filtered down the line. There was some frantic breathing, what sounded like moving furniture, and maybe even a battle cry of sorts.

“You have to get over here,” Emily spoke grimly, fear clear in her voice.

“It’s 7:35 am, there’s no way you wanna have sex right now–” Y/n started with an exasperated sigh.

JJ’s voice was next, “I mean if there’s a will there’s a way. But that’s not what we called for. We really need your help.”

“Oh hush, you,” Y/n chuckled at the older woman’s words but got serious at Emily’s fearful wiper. “Now, what’s the deal sugar booger? Are y’all finally reorganizing your office or something? Or going through Em’s shoe closet?”

Emily huffed indignantly, “No, we were trying to have a sleep in but there’s something in here with us.”

Y/n’s eyebrows rose in confusion as she slipped into a pair of shoes by the door, “What do you mean something is in there with you? If there’s a person in your house right now, I think you’re both well within your right to shoot ‘em.” 

“Not someone, something. It won’t stop whining and I’m not going to see what it is. But I need it gone now.” Emily practically whined. 

JJ’s voice sounded from farther away, “We’re in the bedroom and Em won’t let me open the door to see what it is. Whatever it is, has to be up here with us. It sounds pretty close.” 

“Right right, I’ll be right there,” Y/n replied fighting to contain the laugh fighting to break through. As she headed for the door, she thought enough to turn back for a broom and then headed to her girlfriends’ house to hopefully save the day. Letting herself in and disarming the alarm, the professor scanned the first floor for signs of anything out of place. She’d been in and out during the week to retrieve certain things and she’d even popped in to clean a bit while they’d been gone. Everything seemed in order as far as she could see but just as she made it to the second floor she heard a whaling whimper from the hallway. 

“There it is again!” Sounded behind the closed bedroom door. Y/n shook her head and turned her head down the hall. The sound was familiar enough for her to recognize it was an animal, probably a baby, and they were most definitely in distress. She saw a flash of gray fur skirting across the hall to hide behind an end table and sighed. 

“Okay don’t freak out,” Y/n called through the door. 

“Too late!” Emily groaned. 

“What is it?” JJ opened the door a crack. 

“I think it’s a baby squirrel.”

“A squirrel?! Do you know how many diseases they carry?” Emily all but shrieked from the bedroom. 

“I definitely think I said ‘don’t freak out’ Em and it sounds like you’re freaking out, dear.” Y/n chastised through the door as she watched the squirrel duck its head out to look at her. 

“How else should I act while you’re out there with a wild animal? I don’t understand why you’re so calm right now.” Emily replied, her brown eyes appearing in the crack in the door.

“I’m calm because I know how to follow instructions, unlike you. I also have a bit of experience evicting scared baby animals. So you’re in luck.” Y/n grinned up at the older woman through the cracked door. Emily huffed in annoyance as both JJ and Y/n laughed and her brown eyes disappeared from the doorway. “I’m gonna open this window and go look for a box. Make sure you keep your door closed so it doesn’t confuse it for an exit.” JJ saluted through the crack and watched as the younger woman got to work. She turned to face Emily and fanned herself a bit. 

“Gotta say– she’s sexy as hell when she’s all Bossy Steve Irwin.” JJ hummed flopping on the bed dramatically.

Emily, completely ignoring JJ’s libido-driven musings peaked out the window impatiently. “All I know is if she gets that squirrel out of here– she’s never going home.” Over the last few weeks, both JJ and Emily had found themselves lamenting about how great it felt waking up to Y/n every morning. How right it felt when having work to make dinner or breakfast in their kitchen. How easy it was to start putting her things away in their closet. How well she fit into their lives. Obviously they knew she lived about as close as someone could without living with them, but every morning they spent without her only made them want her there all the time. So while they’d been heading back from Nevada they both decided they’d plan a special date to ask Y/n to move in once her lease was up. But apparently this little intruder was shaking things up.

JJ laughed, “I thought we were going to plan a whole thing? A little squirrel’s got you ready to abandon all that?”

Emily shrugged, “Absolutely. If she gets that thing out of here, I’m never letting her go.”

-

It was about thirty minutes later when Emily and JJ’s bedroom door creaked open. “You can come out now, your squirrel problem has been solved.” Y/n smiled leaning against the doorframe. 

“Our hero,” JJ was first on her feet and draping her arms around the younger woman eagerly. “Our very bossy and sexy hero.” 

“Bossy, sure. Sexy? Jen, I’m in bunny slippers and yoga pants right now.” Y/n rolled her eyes but leaned into the older woman’s body. 

“Bold of you to assume that I wouldn’t find your bunny slippers and yoga pants extremely sexy. Especially after you saved poor Emily from having a heart attack.” At the mention of her name, Emily scoffed loudly and made her way over to both of her girlfriends. She wrestled JJ’s arms away from Y/n and pulled her into her side possessively. 

“You’re sure it’s gone? Not just hiding somewhere in the house?” Emily asked, lips pressed against the younger woman’s temple. 

“Yep, Tracy the squirrel is back outside where she belongs.” 

“You named it?” Emily asked incredulously. 

“Yes, Tracy was struggling to get out the window so I ended up luring her into a box and took her out by the tree in the backyard. Her mom came out pretty quick and snatched her up so I think you’re all good.” Y/n motioned toward their bedroom window before reaching to pull JJ over to her other side. 

“Well, what if there’s more? Or if this Tracy you speak of comes back? What are we supposed to do then?” Emily hypothesized. She locked eyes with JJ over the professor’s head and winked discreetly– keying JJ in on where she was going with all of this.

“Yeah,” JJ piped up. “What if they come back and bring more? What do we do then?” 

Y/n looked between them both curiously, “Call me the same way you did today? But I doubt they’d come back. With the way Em was acting, I’m sure Tracy’s already warned all the squirrels in the neighborhood against breaking into this house.”

“Ha ha ha, you’re so funny.” Emily rolled her eyes and pinched Y/n’s side affectionately. “Seriously, the time it’d take you to get over here could be detrimental to one of us. The squirrel could bite one of us.”

“What? It took me maybe 2 minutes to get over here…” 

“Too long, we can’t risk it. We need you closer, right Em?”

“Absolutely. I was thinking right about here.” Emily said pulling Y/n toward the bed and pushing her to sit at the edge. Y/n eyed both Emily and JJ suspiciously and paused at their hopeful expressions.

“Is this y’all asking me to shack up?” 

“God, how old are you? That saying is at least 60 years old.” JJ teased. Y/n scoffed and readied herself to respond to the blonde’s words but Emily sent them both pointed looks. “Yes, we’d like to shack up with you,” JJ confirmed. 

“We know your lease is up in a little bit and it’s not like you don’t spend most of your time here anyways. And who will protect us from the animals outside when they break in?” Emily reasoned logically. 

Y/n fought the laugh that sat at the back of her throat as she pretended to think over Emily’s words. “Hmm, sounds like y’all have really thought this through. I mean with the animals and all.” She rubbed at her chin in thought a bit longer, really milking the pause for as long as she could. By now the women knew her well enough to know she was prone to be more dramatic, and after the first couple of seconds, JJ’s lips twitched up in a knowing smirk. Once Emily’s face mirrored JJ’s the younger woman dropped the facade and grinned. “Alright, I’ll be your live-in animal control. My favorite form of payment is kisses.”

“Well, I personally think it’s time we compensate you for your work–” JJ started already moving to rid the Y/n of her top. But when Emily leveled her with an unimpressed look she hurried to amend her statement. “And celebrate this milestone in our relationship!” 

[thornfield13713]

...it's kind of funny, and also really sad, that you can always tell when one of these Angel dreams is a dream and not a real scene between Angel and Buffy, because they're actually engaging in a shared activity together that isn't snogging and he doesn't look bored or checked-out whenever she's talking about her life.

...I'm sorry, I swear, I will stop bitching about this eventually, but, like- Even during their ice-skating date in 'What's My Line', Angel's not on the ice, but watching from the sidelines while Buffy skates. Which- okay, some people aren't natural skaters, I'm one of them, but even having him comically fail at ice-skating while Buffy tries to teach him would have been a cute little bonding moment that would have made me believe a bit more in them as a couple.

Their big moment in 'Halloween' is him essentially going 'I basically hated all the women I knew back in the day, but you're different', which...if a guy says that to you, it is a bad sign.

In 'Ted', while he does eventually give some decent advice, he's clearly bored out of his mind listening to her talk, which- I get it, partners complaining can be exhausting, but we never really get any counter-examples of him actually taking an interest.

I just-

I feel sad for Buffy about all the shit she went through because of her relationship with Angel. But I am never going to mourn the tragedy of them not being able to be together, because of my deep conviction that they'd fall apart completely after about a week if they were ever actually asked to live together and make an adult relationship work.

[dirtgrubber]

“i didn’t realize you wore suspenders.”

“yes well, there’s quite a bit you don’t know about me.”

do i even have to say it- from @morningstarwrites super amazing one of a kind fic

[deoidesign]

Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between

[le-songproj]

Live Emotion Song Spreadsheet Project

I've started putting together a simple spreadsheet of song information for the game in hopes it'll be useful for the various events we get!

Includes: Singer(s), Song Titles, Length, and Note Count for all the difficulties!

It's also color coded by Singer color(s) and the difficulty, PLUS it's set up so the songs involved in the current event will be highlighted for easy comparisons too~

Currently we have: - All current event songs, Easy+Normal+Hard (4/6 have Expert) - All Group/Duo/Trio songs, Easy+Normal (1 has Hard)

I would love to ask for your help filling out things much faster! If you happen to know any note totals for any of the songs (or just have a screenshot of ur score page) please let me know!!!

Hard+Expert notes are most appreciated as I personally only just started doing those higher difficulties after the last event so those will take me the longest for me to get through. But anything and everything you guys can provide regardless of what difficulty is appreciated and will save me so much time!!

Just shoot dm/ask/submission or even reply to this post please and thank you <3

[vulpinesaint]

it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me

[sweetandglovelyart]

It’s a little bit late for Valentine’s Day but here’s the reveal of my cursed Kirby crack ship as promised: it’s Dyna Blade/Captain Vul and I envision their relationship dynamic as being like Donkey and Dragon’s relationship dynamic in the Shrek movies.

[kuriboo]

Hey i hope you don't mind or find this weird/rude. I just wanted to reach out here because i saw you have this blog linked on another account and i also saw you was the one running that ygo server promo'd in tags awhile back? ( a year or so ago. ) i wanted to check in with you if you're doing well? I know you are probably busy with IRL stuff so please don't feel you have to reply to this at all. before realizing i think i know you from somewhere else i wanted to ask if the server still active and chill? i'm shy in big groups so i wanted to check before considering. I hope you had a wonderful christmas/holiday!

i'll be honest anon i have not been doing so hot.

which is why, i'm not entirely sure what other blog you found this blog on (which is totally fine!) (i have an inkling it might be my rp account but i may be wrong), but there is a good chance i have been dead silent there for months.

to put it mildly, i've been overwhelmed with life. i keep having house issues, there are so many health issues going on between myself and family (i may be looking at gallbladder surgery in the near future, and if not that, i need wisdom teeth removed and i have to find a surgeon that takes my insurance for that still. and that's just me.), house issues, car issues, and work. i love my job. i feel fulfilled at my job. my job is genuinely fun sometimes. however things keep happening (client actions) that genuinely fuck with me. like the guy who keeps getting drunk and harassing my coworkers [but not me? but that puts me in a VERY awkaward situation being hte only staff he'll talk to.]

the amount of stress this has put on me is LARGE. which is why i've basically been silent everywhere besides this account (kuriboo) and the yugioh server. and the yugioh server, i love the people that are there greatly, but if i was not running that server my anxiety might keep me from being active there too.

holiday's been good, though! i took about a week and a half off bc i had pto to use up before losing it at the end of the year (i did work a couple hours on christmas but it was the kind of work that renewed my faith in humanity and gave me christmas cheer), i'm out at my brother's place for a couple more days, i've been spending time with family and things have overall been good this past week and a half, house issues be damned.

all of this to say, i'm positive the account you came to kuriboo from has been basically ghosted by me and i feel so bad and i'm very sorry. i've been so overwhelmed that my anxiety won't let me do a lot of things.

The yugioh server is still active! Honestly, more active than ever. Which is crazy to me, haha. It's chill most of the time. I host poll tournaments on there (we're currently running a yugioh villain tournament) and sometimes we get a little over the top about the proproganda of who we want to sway votes towards (i think a powerpoint presentation is being created) (the last match [pegasus vs spectre] devolved into bribes and ended as a draw anyway), but that's like, not the usual vibe.

most everyone currently active is very nice and chill though from what i've witnessed. lots of writers in the server, and we have an rp section in the server that's fairly active but extremely casual [currently there is a huge rp thread going on named simple rescue. it's not nearly as simple as the name implies.] i do rp in this server, and we all encourage each other with writing projects and do sprints together and stuff. that's not to say there's no artists. we've gotten more artists recently! and i love seeing everyone's art <3 it's a fun creative place and this server is the only reason i've done any writing in the past six months or so honestly.

but i mean like, you don't gotta be a writer or an artist or an rper to join either. it's perfectly fine not to. genuinely, i think it's a cool place to see some art and fics. or just talk about your favorite yugioh series, or to get into some yugioh analysis or whatever. there's a whole squad of us watching go rush (not simultaneously) and we just talk about how much of a roller coaster it is.

it's a good vibe for me, and i hope it's a good vibe for everyone else!

if you wanna join we'd be happy to have you!