#giant beard worm

[pebbledoes]

Fishuary Day 11: They're Molluscs?!?!?!

I think they still count as deep sea fish.

@fish-daily

[frenziedfireworks]

Dating!

Dating the HL Boys!

(Sebastian, Ominis, Garreth)

masterlist

Sebastian :

I feel like he definitely has insomnia. He is not able to go to sleep easily and hates it. Help the poor guy to calm down & give him cuddles. If you pamper him he will go to sleep easier. 

He’s very thoughtful and remembers important dates and anything you look at. You kept staring at that book in the window? It’s on your desk. Your coat ripped? You suddenly have a new one. He doesn’t care how hard he has to work to spoil you - he will do it.

He’s very protective of you towards anyone - even Ominis. He knows you can handle yourself but he just wants to make sure you feel safe and nobody is pushing your buttons. That’s his job after all <3

You had turned in bed adjusting your position when a light woke you up. You begrudgingly opened your eyes, adjusting to the shine that was right next to you. Unsurprisingly it was your dearest boyfriend using lumos in an attempt to read instead of sleeping.

“Seb?” Your voice croaked and the freckled man looked down.

“Hey baby. Did I wake you? I’m sorry.” His hand danced over your cheek and a soft kiss was placed upon your forehead. 

“You should be asleep.” 

“I tried. Thought I’d read until I got tired..” You only sighed and pushed yourself up. 

“What time is it?” You looked for the clock and noticed how late, or more so early it was.

“Sebastian, it's 4 am. Merlin’s beard.. I’ll be back.”

“Darling it’s okay-“

“Be quiet and sit.” You grunted and made your way to the kitchen. You were quick to make him a warm cup of tea and flutter back to the safety of your bed. Sebastian’s face was red and he gave you a thankful smile as he took a sip.

“Thank you my love. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He leaned in to give you a quick smooch as you laid back down.

“You’re lucky you’re cute. Finish that and cuddle with me, you oaf.”

Ominis :

Once you truly get to know Ominis he is CHATTY. He doesn’t stop talking and asks you the most random questions. He would be the type of boyfriend to ask you if you would love him as a worm.

He makes very cute dates to take you on. Picnics and sitting outdoors kind of stuff! If you don’t like that then he will of course take that into consideration.. He wouldn’t mind sitting in a secluded spot just enjoying time together.

Ominis doesn’t show it as much but I feel like he gets jealous. He will admit it to you if you question him. He gets in fits of not feeling adequate for you. Just tell him you love him and it’s all fine!!

“Y/N?” Ominis’ voice pierced through the silence of your bedroom. You turned in the sheets to face him, hand coming to rest on his chest. 

“Yes?” You questioned. He had a small grin on his face that you could make out from the dim moonlight. You knew it would be another one of your silly nights.

“Would you still love me if I was a worm?” You automatically cackled at the question, expecting anything other than that.

“You’re just a worm?”

“Yes. Just a worm.” 

Ominis snorted again at the ridiculous question and you rolled your eyes. You pressed a kiss against his shoulder and hummed.

“I suppose. I think I’d take you everywhere in a nice cage. We would eat breakfast together while you squirmed in your dirt and you would enjoy your life. Then one day I would take us on vacation to the beach. Maybe even do some fishing..” You held back a giant laugh as he gasped.

“And I am not the bait surely?!” The boy's arm smacked against you and you couldn’t hold your breath. 

“I am not the bait, right?!” He repeated the question and you felt lightheaded. 

“Uhuh sure my love..” You mustered up a sarcastic response and watched as he bobbed his head in annoyance.

“You’re ridiculous.” 

“You’re the one who asked!”

Garreth :

He ALWAYS brings you homemade stuff. Some of it is mildly concerning but he just shrugs it off. After all it is “made with love” as he puts it.

Garreth always brings you on little adventures to collect supplies or sits with you on your hobbies. He thinks it’s the best to just be in your presence. 

He’s very attentive and handsy. Physical touch is definitely a high contender for his love language. I feel like it makes him more calm to always have a hand on you. You’re like a little safety blanket <3

I feel like Garreth has ADHD.. If he gets busy with potions he won’t notice ten hours have passed until you forcibly pull him away. You constantly have to remind him to eat or take a break.

“Garreth?” Your voice filtered into the empty potions room where your boyfriend stood hard at work. You had not seen him all day and was starting to worry that one of his potions had finally taken him out. Walking up behind the boy you let out a cough and rubbed your hand up his back.

“Oh!” 

Garreth jumped and turned to face you. His eyes were bloodshot and his grin was wavering on a questionable line of sanity.

“Have you slept? How long have you been down here?” You brought your hand to his forcing him to drop the feathers onto the counter. His forehead came to rest on your shoulder and he let out a deep sigh.

“It hasn’t been that long has it?”

“Baby it’s Saturday morning.” You whispered as your fingers skimmed through his ginger locks. He only grunted in response and dug deeper into your shoulder.

“Well I need to finish-“ The boy started but you cut him off quickly.

“You can finish this another day. Your brewing pot is not going anywhere. We are going to put you to bed. Understand?” Garreth only snorted and moved so you could lead the way.

“You’re cute when you’re bossy.”

“Don’t even start Weasley.”

[lynxgriffin]

Im not sure if someone’s already asked this but; does alphys have a favourite food? (The bearded dragon irl one haha) I used to have one named rango and he seemed to love these giant blue caterpillar things and apparently blueberries so I am curious!

Banana probably is her favorite food, which is why she's getting it as a special treat! But since bananas have quite a bit of sugar, it's a rare treat; she does not get it often. She also does like blueberries a lot! I haven't tried giving her a horn worm yet, but I should get one sometime and see how she likes it!

[anka-partizanka-from-pandora]

I am delighted with the creature that Varang flies on in the concept art. Please, please draw it sometime!

Ooooh i will!!!!

These are very interesting animals... birds... It doesn't matter! They look like banshees, but there are also differences.

Take, for example, their wings! Banshees have them like pterodactyls with dragonflies, and these new ones have a mixture of bat wings and dragonflies, I think! They have crests like bearded iguanas and a horn on top of their heads. It's like they're Pandora's fucking unicorns!

I wonder what other animals they have there. I think it's something like a carnivorous giant worm, like in the movie King Kong, huh?

[cheruv-ii]

The People have Spoken, here are my absolutely Baseless Ben Headcanons

(Cut because theres a lot)

-Has lower back dimples

-Is generally a "Will listen to anything" person, he started as a lil hater but eventually caved and realized that being a hater isn't fun (sometimes)

-Had a bunny growing up named Freckles

-His comfort food is his mom's homemade lasagna, she's make it for him whenever he had a bad day and it always makes him feel better

-Started going to public school after getting back to the mainland, but didn't really make any new friends because he was a hisser

-Can't grow facial hair, like the odd times he gets a stray hair but he's never been able to grow a proper beard or even mustache

-Not used to his height like, at all. Consistantly smacking his head on things.

-One of his favourite artists is Michael Jackson, and his favourite song is Dirty Diana

-Went for like a year with no clothes that fit him after his growth spurt, had maybe 2 pairs of pants he filtered through and any shirts he had fit him like a crop top. Brooklynn eventually caved and took him shopping for more clothes.

-Can secretly actually sing but like no one knows because whenever he sings in front of anyone its just for fun and therefore not his best work

-really good at chess???

-has freckles like everywhere, didn't have as many pre-nublar but they got 'worse' after the island due to the sun

-has a birth mark on his right hip that looks like a malformed heart

-(stealing this from a moot) likes bug shaped food like gummy worms and such

-Will eat out of a boot but won't touch vegetables with a ten foot pole

-The first time he broke a bone was after he got back to mainland and was playing with Bumpy, she knocked him down and he landed wrong and broke his pinky. Sammy does not let him live this down, ever.

-Daddy issues

-Can deal with bugs but has major arachnophobia, will freak out over a tiny spider. Would be horrendously fucked if Wu decided to make giant spiders.

-Spends a lot of time on his hair

-Used to be a mattress on the floor type of guy, luckily his dorm had a proper bed with a frame when he moved in (though prefers the floor mattress, tbh)

-Diagnosis cocktail I fear

-Gotten a little better at drawing with Yaz's help, though only at drawing dinosaurs, still not great at drawing humans

-Tried going to a bar with college friends for his 21st birthday, left the second an older woman started flirting with him

-has mimicking stims, will mimic things other people say or quotes he hears, was stuck saying "Ugh, as if" for months after Brooklynn made him watch clueless

-Says he's good with scary things but is the friend that clings onto whoever hes closest to in haunted houses

-Learned how to use a gun after nublar, doesn't carry or anything but he does have that skill in his back pocket if necessary

-Will buy literally anything that reminds him of Bumpy

-Terrible texter. Like absolutely ass.

-needs sound to sleep, as well as at least a little bit of light

-Sucks at math tbh

-Is the only one of the camp fam who's still ticklish, which makes him very vulnerable at times

-Lowkey king of puppy eyes

[smallgodseries]

[image description: A giant green floating head with an angry expression and an open frowning mouth that seems to be filled with smaller candies. It (and the contents of its open mouth) seems to be made entirely of some translucent sugary, gelatinous material – even its beard, mustache and staring eyes.  Text (in an overwrought stylized manner that would be more appropriate on a 70’s movie poster) reads, “197, UMMIBE, SMALL GOD OF GUMMI”]

• • • • •

He is for children and he is for adults.  He is for all.  He is made with animal byproducts and he is vegan; he is both kosher and not.  He is a texture and a medium and a confection, and he is a consequence of collagen, of starches.  He was first discovered in a pan of jelly, and has only been perfected since.  He is all.  He is eternal.  He is Gummi.

He can be found in the penny candy bins, cheap, filling, and questionably delicious, dusted with a layer of sugar to keep him from sticking to himself.  He forms countless shapes, bears and worms and sweet fish, soda bottles and long, tangled ropes.  He is snakes and he is ladders.  He is unconstrained.

He can be found in special shops where the air carries a strange, herbal tinge, shrines to Sativa which allow his presence for the kindness he can carry, for the familiarity of his shapes, which can ease the anxiety of those who are not yet comfortable with the idea of this form of worship.  He is no less sweet there, even as his sweetness masks the bitter, and he is distinctly not for children.

His dual nature means that he can be found on the evening news as Halloween draws night, argued by this report and that, accused of falling into children’s pillowcases to turn their minds to hazy dreaming.   The people who make these arguments have never paid Sativa’s tithe, refuse to understand the gulf between the penny candy bins and the medicinal tins of the herbal shrines.  He disregards them all.  He finds his worshippers in their own time, in the form that suits them best, and the people who would frighten them away are someone else’s problem.

He exists to be consumed, to join the communion of collagen already unfolding inside each and every one of his worshippers.

Beyond that, he has very little care.

[laceratedlamiaceae]

OFMD characters if they were worms

(and whether or not I would still love them)

Izzy: Pseudobiceros hancockanus

Also known as "Hancock's Flatworm," it has a distinct black coloring and is part of a genus known for engaging in "penis fencing" for reproduction, which I like to imagine is something Izzy does too. Obviously I would still love him; I don't think there's anything that could make me stop loving him.

Stede: Sabellastarte spectabilis

Also known as the "feather duster worm." It's popular in squariums because of its flamboyant plume of tentacles, which are almost as ridiculous as Stede's hair. If anything I think I'd love him more as a worm.

Ed: Eunice aphroditois

Also known as the "sand striker" or "bobbit worm." This thing is a horrifying monster that feeds on fish unfortunate enough to come near it with its sharp mandibles. The rainbow iridescence is pretty though. Sorry Ed but I've read too many horror stories about these; I would not love you if you were a worm.

Calico Jack: Trichuris trichiura

Also known as the "whipworm," which is the only reason I chose it. Unlike Calico Jack, I wouldn't want one of these in my large intestine because they're the cause of trichuriasis, a parasitic infection. I'm not that into parasites so I'm unfortunately going to have to pass on loving Jack as a worm.

Roach: Hirudo medicinalis

One of a few species of "medicinal leeches." Leeches are still used for medical purposes to this day because of the beneficial secretions in their saliva, and they're also cool as fuck. They're like vampires except they're worms, so obviously I'd still love Roach as a worm.

Frenchie: Lagis koreni

Frenchie is a "trumpet worm" because that was the only worm I could find with a name related to music. Also the tubes they build for themselves to live in are super cool and I wanted to include them somewhere. I would for sure love him if we was a worm.

Wee John: Megascolides australis

Also known as the "giant Gippsland earthworm." Because he's big, get it? 10/10, would still love him as a worm.

Lucius: Spirobranchus giganteus

Commonly known as the "christmas tree worm." The two spiral things on either side of its body function both as gills and to capture food, and they're also gay as fuck. Love that for him, and I'd absolutely love him as a worm.

Jim: Bipalium kewense

Jim is a "hammerhead flatworm," mostly because it kind of looks like it's wearing a hat but also because it produces a deadly paralyzing neurotoxin. Obviously I love that, and I'd love them if they were a worm.

Oluwande: Maritigrella crozierae

Commonly known as the "tiger flatworm." I chose this for Oluwande because they apparently often live together in pairs and Jim/Oluwande is the best couple in the show. You already know I'd still love him if he was a worm.

Buttons: Plagiostomum vittatum

Not much is known about this mysterious species of marine flatworm aside from the fact that it's native to the Atlantic ocean (by which I mean there isn't a Wikipedia article for it and I can't be bothered to do more research). I do like a mystery so yeah, I'd love him if he were a worm.

Fang: Hermodice carunculata

The "bearded fireworm," like Fang, looks soft but is also deadly. It's namesake white bristles are capable of penetrating skin and injecting a powerful neurotoxin. I would love him if he was a worm but I'd keep my distance.

Ivan: Arthurdendyus triangulatus

Known as the "New Zealand flatworm," it fades into the background a bit but it's still cool. Apparently they roll up when they rest which would be really cool if I could find a picture of it. Anyways yeah I'd love him as a worm.

The Swede: Caenorhabditis elegans

C. elegans is a species of nematode notable for being the first multicellular organism to have its entire genome sequenced, because it's so simple. I'd definitely love him as a worm.

Black Pete: Lumbricus terrestris

The common earthworm. It's a bit plain, but it plays a vitally important role in its ecosystem. Of course I'd love him as a worm.

Mary: Riftia pachyptila

Also known as the "giant tubeworm," it's capable of surviving in the extremely hot, toxic environments of deep-sea vents, which is almost as impressive as Mary being able to survive living in a house with Stede. Obviously I'd still love her as a worm, she's an icon.

[nullen-void]

The Heterodyne Boys and the Atomic Clank!

June, 2013 Canaima National Park, Venezuela

Today sucked, actually.

It was just supposed to be a lighthearted cryptid-hunting expedition. Something to distract Robo from all the everything. He could only listen to the fearmongering talking heads calling him a secret terrorist with false personhood for so long. It was supposed to be a vacation.

Best-case scenario, they discover some kind of South American Bigfoot or whatever and distract the public from that thing with the nukes for a couple weeks. The worst case, he had assumed, would be a nature hike in the jungle.

But no, apparently the actual worst-case scenario was a secret underground civilization of rock-people from before the dawn of time being mind-controlled by Dr. freaking Dinosaur. And now the mountain had been destroyed by a giant, allegedly immortal lava worm while the reptilian idiot's stupid bomb was going off.

Maybe he should take a break from action science. Maybe he'd spend the next decade or two just doing... I dunno, math or something. Or maybe I should look into medicine, take the time to finally get that second doctorate--no, knowing my luck I'd stumble into a zombie virus plague. Ugh. "AHAHAHA! Look at all that inevitable twenty-three dimensional doom!" the idiot shouted, dragging Robo's focus back to the horrible, horrible present.

"Nope. Nope, nope, nope. I'm NOT dying on the back of a giant lava worm," he pledged to himself.

"Magma!" Bernard shouted from somewhere below, which wasn't helping.

"Robo!" the radio in Robo's head crackled. "This is Dr. Sandoval. Do you read?"

He looked over at the helicopter circling the giant worm. "Yes. Doctor, I need you to get closer. I have a terrible idea."

Dr. Dinosaur continued rambling to himself above. Robo tuned him out as he did some quick math in his head. The bomb was continuing to gather energy, and was slowly approaching his position.

"We can't hold this position for long," Sandoval reported, the helicopter struggling to get close to the thrashing worm.

"Won't have to. I'm taking the shot." First things first, though. Robo slid down the lava worm's side toward his employees, grabbing them in his arms.

"What about the bombs?!" Vik yelled from his position over Robo's back.

"First, I need you guys to go limp."

Lang's eyes widened. "Wait, when you say that, you--"

No time to let them realize or they'd struggle. Robo heaved, throwing all three of his team at the helicopter. Vik made it to the side door, while Lang and Bernard managed to grab the copter's landing gear.

"Now get as far from this thing as you can!" he ordered.

The stupid bomb was falling in earnest, now, the worm's undulations sending it falling down its... back? Side? Whatever, doesn't matter. Dr. Dinosaur was nowhere to be seen, which was just typical. The machine was sparking something fierce, and Robo latched on as it fell directly into him. "I got the nukes!"

Now he needed to hurry and disarm this thing somehow before it went off, and who knows how long that would ta--

Everything went blue.

------------------------------------------

Winter, 1867 Somewhere North of Belgrade, Serbia

Miron stuck his tongue out as he worked something out from under his fingernails with a knife. Whatever it was, it was in there deep.

Opposite him across the campfire, Grishnarf turned the spit holding the boar over the flame. The shaggy Jäger leaned closer, drinking in the scent of cooking meat.

Miron glanced up. "Hy vouldn't get so close if Hy vere hyu."

Grishnarf looked up in time to miss his long beard falling into the fire. "Eh?"

Miron waved him away; he'd figure it out soon enough. "So, do ve know vat de Masters iz doink in Belgrade?"

One of the twins looked up from sharpening his sword. "Savink de day, vat else?"

"Hy was hoping for sometink more specific."

The other twin looked up from sharpening his axe. "Hyu vould know better den uz, Hy tink. Hyu got closest before dey entered de city."

Miron sniffed. "Dot vasn't dot close en hyu know et. Der Masters vouldn't be heppy to see uz."

The other grumbled at the reminder. It never got nicer to hear no matter how many times it was said.

"Prob'ly zum big clenk vat's makink a mess, Hy bet," the twin with the axe offered.

"Hoho, hyu tink somevun turned on old Master Nimrod's hunting clenk? Hy tink he left it somevere around here."

Grishnarf frowned in thought. "...Vas dat de vun vat hunted, or de vun dat got hunted?"

There was a distant explosion, and all of them paused to let the sound of far-away screaming wash over them.

"...De vun vat hunted, methinks."

"Aye."

Grishnarf suddenly howled as he finally noticed his fur was on fire, abandoning the spit to run around the clearing in a frenzy. The sword twin took over cooking while the axe twin shouted 'encouragement.'

"Careful, Grishnarf! It's almost at hyu hat!"

The furry Jäger yelped and dropped into a roll in the dirt.

Miron ignored all that, having finally found whatever was in his fingernail. "Dere hyu are, hyu liddle..." Setting the knife aside, he reached in with the claws on his other hand and gingerly gripped whatever it was. Wincing, he pulled out a splinter nearly the same size as the finger it was embedded in.

The sword twin hissed through his teeth. "Ooh, dat looks like it smarts, brother."

"Hy thought mine finger vas feelink stiff lately." Miron flexed his finger, working the kinks out, and studied the splinter intently. Then he picked his teeth with it for a second before tossing it away. "So, vat are ve tinking vit de pig? Hyu want to do it fancy-like vit de spices, make some stew? Or do hyu just vant to tear into it?"

The twin--his name was either Rem or Rom, Miron could never figure out who was who--gave the question due consideration. Another explosion echoed from the direction of the city. "...Hy tink ve gots time to cook it proper."

Miron nodded, standing to get the supplies. Grishnarf finally put his beard out, breathing heavily.

"Tank hyu so much helpink me, hyu guys," he grumbled, checking his hat for damage.

"Hyu looked like hyu vas having so much fun, Hy couldn't bear to stop hyu," Miron said, grinning. He tossed Grishnarf his knife, and the furry Jäger set about cutting away the burnt parts.

Miron was in the middle of trying to figure out where the herb jars ended and the poison vials ended when suddenly, every hair on his body stood on end. He blinked. "Dot's inneresting. Hyu guys--" he began, turning to face the others and finding them in similar states. Grishnarf's face completely vanished under his fur, and electricity arced between his hairs. "--Hy guess hyu feel dat too, yez?"

"De Masters must have got dat lightning gun vorking after all," the sword twin guessed.

"No, dat feels different, and hyu can taste it in the air ven it goes off. This is different," Grishnarf said.

Miron held out his hand, and the shaggy Jäger tossed his knife back. With that in one hand, Miron drew his sidearm and sniffed. Something on the edge of his senses drew him... north-by-northwest. Without a word, he leapt into the treeline, climbing into the hgih branches. His brother followed behind him.

Static jumped from his fur to his weapons, and Miron vaguely wondered if that would be enough to set off the gunpowder in his bullets. That would be a neat trick. As they went, the charge grew, and one of the twins sneezed; there was something in the air.

On some signal none of them could directly perceive, they stopped over a patch of bare forest ground.

Grishnarf looked troubled. "For zum reason, Hy find myself tinking of old Robur," was all he had time to say before the world lit up blue.

Miron pulled the brim of his hat down to shield his eyes as, down below, an sphere of blue light ten feet across appeared with a crack of thunder.

"What--"

Then just as suddenly as it started, it was over. They blinked the spots out of their eyes and looked down, not knowing what to expect. They weren't too surprised to see a bulky silver clank lying on the ground. More interesting was the way that all the matter the sphere had encompassed simply wasn't there anymore, perfectly smooth trunks of earth and tree deleted from reality.

Most surpising of all was that the clank was wearing tattered green pants. That was unusual.

"Did de Masters do that?" the sword twin asked. When they looked at him, he clarified. "Hyu said it might be a clenk dey vas fightink. Is dat it? Did dey send it here?"

Grishnarf shook his head. "Not Nimrod's. Dat vun was big, gold, und looked like a gorilla. Tho Hy guess ve don't know dot's vat they vere fightink..."

"Hy didn't tink zo," the twin said. "Too small."

The other twin smacked him. "Then vy did hyu say it, eediot?!"

"Hy thought it vas vorth asking!"

The two of them bickered while Grishnarf noted that the charge in the air was gone, patting his fur back down. Miron's eyes were locked on the clank. Aside from the clothing damage and some minor scratches, it was entirely intact. He'd fought a lot of clanks in his time, and he'd never seen one quite like this. It was incredibly humanoid, but also very... plain. No insignias, no obvious signature, no paint ... could be a new Spark, he supposed, but it would have to be an unusual one to create a clank so devoid of decoration. Most Sparks had a developed sense of aesthetic.

The clank's eyes flashed.

"Shuddup, it's waking!"

The twins froze as the clank's eyes lit up, glowing a sky blue. Then, bizarrely, it groaned, which was a very weird thing for a clank to do.

"Ughhh..." The clank sat up, rubbing its head in a veyr human way. Maybe it was a man in armor instead? Its legs looks too skinny for that... It looked up, and the four of them back up into the shade of the branches. They needn't have bothered, since it was looking away from them. "Daylight? How long was I out?" it said in clear English.

It stood, dusting itself off. It looked around, scanning the environment. "Wow. Must've flung me for miles..." It squinted. "Or more. This is a temperate forest, not a jungle."

Miron looked over at Grishnarf. What do? he mimed. Grishnarf shrugged. Then he grinned hopefully and punched his hand. Miron considered it, then relunctantly held up a hand to wait.

The clank put a hand to the side of its head and started talking to itself. "Hello, Tesladyne. This is your robot-in-chief checking in. I appear to be alive." It waited. "Okay. Civilian bands then..." it muttered.

The twins shifted, readying their weapons. They clearly weren't content to wait. They weren't looking at Miron either, so he couldn't tell them otherwise. He tried anyway, taking a step towards them.

Something cracked under his foot. All four of them looked down. The branches they were standing on all looked fine. Miron looked further down. The tree that that ball of light cut into was this tree.

It started falling. Miron and Grishnarf had time to exchange a wide-eyed look before they went down.

The twins got in each others way and became tangled up in the tree branches. Grishnarf jumped for the trunk and held on for dear life. Miron instead elected to jump clear and away, flipping twice in the air before landing feet first one the ground.

Directly behind the clank.

It whirled around, arms spread in a ready stance.

Miron blinked at it.

It blinked at Miron.

Then it heaved a sigh. "Oh, the crazy isn't done yet. How disappointing."

Miron grinned. He opened his mouth to make some sort of clever comeback; something along the lines of the clank not having seen crazy yet, or perhaps getting offended that he was considered a disappointment.

Unfortunately, before he could get a word out, the clank punched him in the mouth, and the fight was on.

[kadavernagh]

TIMING: Current LOCATION: Regan’s "apartment" PARTIES: Regan and Jade SUMMARY: Jade is thrilled after trading some innuendo-laced conversation online with Regan. She thinks she's about to score. Regan thinks they're about to discuss ulcers, for fun.

Honestly? This didn’t even crack the top 3 of weirdest booty calls in Jade’s life. Without looking at a list, from the top of her head, she figured this would be more in the 10 to 6 category. Maybe push top 5, depending on where the night took them. The potential was there. She couldn’t wait to figure out who Regan was and why she liked using medical terms to get in the mood. 

(Yep, her browser history was currently filled with anatomy questions, so what?)

(The facial nerve was her favorite cranial nerve. Mostly cause she didn’t trust herself to say glossopharyngeal correctly)

And anyway? Weird was subjective, cause usually Jade ended up having a great time. 

(Usually. Number two, you know what you did)

After Waze almost navigated her straight into a river, delaying her arrival in several minutes, Jade finally parked her motorcycle outside the building’s address. Cute. Way better than anything she’d seen in Worm row. She’d never banged a doctor before (cause like, chiropractors totally didn’t count, right?) (She got rearranged alright, though). Where was she? Right, though she had never been inside a doctor’s home before, she imagined it had to be super fancy. Like, well lit, and big tubs and giant beds. Maybe she could ask for a tour before they got down to business. And… Pft, why would she be imagining things, when she could just go up and check? That second floor called for her, so she hopped off her bike, locked everything there was to lock and strutted inside the building. 

She reached for the second floor, carding her fingers through her hair to get rid of her helmet head before she rapped against the door once. Firm. Then followed it up with three knocks in quick succession. 

It wasn’t often Regan allowed herself to indulge in a meeting of the minds. She had little to no interest in regular social excursions, but it was rare that she met someone so enthused to discuss medicine – except for Dr. Rickers, who she wished was less eager to share his thoughts with her. Jade’s interest in the subject won her over. And she probably wasn’t a bearded pathologist with far too many progeny. As Regan prepared the living room, it occurred to her that the only other person that had ever been here with any frequency – aside from herself, rarely – was Reilly. The apartment was practically a prop to convince him she was well-adjusted and absolutely not living in the woods. Maybe it would convince Jade of the same.

On her laptop, she had a PowerPoint loaded with a couple of exceptionally compelling case studies and then a few slides of her favorite ulcers. Set on the table next to it was a dead squirrel, still fluffy, but rapidly stiffening as rigor mortis took it. Regan had also taken the liberty of pulling out a couple of choice texts and underlining some discussion points. What would Jade bring? What kind of medical professional or scientist was she? Did she like squirrels? 

The knock on the door derailed her train of thought. The wondering would stop now. Right?

Before opening the door, Regan took a deep breath and held it, almost for as long as she could tolerate. The room started to grow fuzzy. She palmed the wall for balance. With a gasp, she let her lungs spill out and bring in fresh air. They seized in acknowledgement of the oppression. Whatever Jade thought, no matter how out of place Regan felt, she would be prepared and in control.

When she was ready, she opened the door. Her eyes drifted past the beautiful woman and down to the driveway; she noticed a motorcycle residing where there was definitely not a motorcycle before. Didn’t Jade know how dangerous – right, Jade. She found herself staring right into her face. Jade was young, though Regan wasn’t sure she could cast a stone there – she probably looked about the same age. A professional was a professional, even if they were light on the seasoning. Her eyes stayed stuck for a moment. Jade had windblown waves and what were probably lovely zygomatic arches under the skin of her face; she was easy to look at. 

Regan felt herself stiffen. Did that deep breath do nothing? Right. Say something. “Hello. I’ve, um, prepared.” She shifted around inside her winter coat, nerves getting the best of her. She wasn’t sure of Jade’s profession, but given her years of experience Regan wanted – admittedly – to impress her. What if the presentation wasn’t enough? What if Jade already had all of her books, well-read and dog-eared? What if she didn’t think the squirrel was high quality or in her preferred stage of decay? Swallowing her hesitation, she opened the door and allowed Jade inside. The setting was obvious: the only things in the living room were two chairs, a table, and bookshelf. There wasn’t even any art on the walls to drive attention elsewhere. She let Jade get her bearings before speaking up. “It’s nice to meet you. In person. I think. I don’t – I mean, I don’t do this often.” Doubt trickled in. She tried to cut it off with a hopeful question. “Did you bring anything?”

“Regan,” Jade greeted, low and teasing, lifting a curious eyebrow at the sight of the woman wearing a winter coat. In… the middle of summer? But then it clicked, when she said she had prepared. (In hindsight, it really didn’t click. Like, at all). Oh, wow. Lucky her. Her lips curved slowly. “I can see that,” she dragged her eyes up and down the other woman, before stepping inside the apartment. Normally, she would’ve waited to be guided in, but well…they were past that, weren’t they? Regan dropped her address for a reason. So she made herself at home, moving closer to Regan, until they were inches apart. Her eyes twinkled, hazel locked on blue as a mischievous smile spread across her face. “Watcha hiding in there? Did you prepare a show for me?” Having said that, she resumed her walk inside. “Actually don't answer that, I love a good surprise”. 

“Oooh, okay. Feeling jittery?” Jade couldn’t say she did this a lot either. Not with complete strangers at least. (Mmm, okay. Maybe that was a tiny lie). Fine, maybe not the strangers part, but dropping right into someone’s apartment without any previous face-to-face meeting? Yeah, that was newer. Cause that felt straight out of a horror movie. Like… begging to be murdered. But she had this under control. She was carrying a switchblade she could always use in case of emergency. Not that anything bad would happen, she and Regan were like, totally vibing. “It’ll be fun, don't sweat it. We’ll ease you into it. And it stops when you want to” cause sure, it was a little annoying if she almost drowned for this booty call to end up void, but like…nothing ruined the vibe more than being pushy. She could just stop by the bar, she’d find company there if she were to be clam jammed. “I brought…uh, all of me? Should be enough. Like I said, I’d prefer a more… hands on approach for now”. 

The further she stepped into the apartment the more Jade realized this big, fancy, doctor apartment she created in her head for all of five seconds was…not like that at all. In fact, it looked like Regan had recently moved in. And she was waiting for the rest of her stuff to be delivered. (Was she being catfished?). “Huh, this isn't very Feng shui of you…” At least they had some surfaces. And…was that a squirrel!? She so needed to ask about that, but first, what they came for. (Hah) (Yeah, alright, fine. Maybe Ruby was right, she did have to grow up). She removed her jacket and folded it on one of the chairs, popping the second button of her blouse before turning back towards Regan. And speaking of hands, “would you mind if I use your sink or your bathroom? My hands feel dirty and that's...obviously not gonna be good for you”.

Jade was close. So close. Why was she so close? Regan was too stunned to move, and found herself staring down into Jade’s eyes, close enough to admire the pink of her lacrimal caruncles and her narrowing pupils. How could such a small person have such an oversized presence? She had met banshees who carried themselves with less confidence. The scent of mint rolled from Jade’s lips. Regan had her face in a septic chest cavity just a couple hours earlier, and while Jade’s breath lacked that character, it still tickled her nose. 

The moment snapped in half as Jade walked right past her, inside, and Regan was stunned once more. What was that? “I do not get jittery.” She frowned, jittery, suppressing the cramp in her stomach. 

Jade seemed to be assessing things, appraising them to make sure they were to her liking. Did she have something in mind? It sounded like she wanted a show. One she thought Regan might have in her coat. Did she think there were more squirrels in there? Did she want more squirrels? Regan could get more squirrels. Did she have a squirrel in her shirt? For a second, it seemed as though Jade might have been about to show her, her hands expertly poking at pesky button. Regan tilted her head, confused. She could feel that there was no squirrel in there, but of course Jade didn’t know she had that advantage. Just as Regan felt like she was on the precipice of figuring something out, Jade declared that she needed to address her hands.

“Oh, of course. I always appreciate good attention to hygiene. It’s over there.” Regan jabbed a thumb toward the bathroom. “Are you ever going to tell me what it is you do? I can peg someone as a surgeon if I see how they wash their hands.” Jade wouldn’t mind that the mirror was shattered, right? She had never gotten around to scream-proofing this place, given how infrequently she was here. Unfortunately, Reilly’s presence was destabilizing enough that investing in some military-grade glass was probably a good idea. Though it was not a priority. As Jade strutted off toward the bathroom, Regan poured out two glasses of Sprite – Jade’s noted favorite – and waited patiently, staring at the door. Why did everything feel so tight? She didn’t think it was just her wings crammed into the winter coat. Something was off. Jade brought no books, never shared her credentials, and didn’t seem to understand the concept of personal space. Did she… have other motives? 

No, Regan decided; she was just nervous, strange. Regan wouldn’t judge her for it. The image of Jade’s delicate fingers plucking open that button on her shirt stayed glued in her head. Nervous… strange… yes, that was all. When did it get so hot in here? Right, the coat. Regan slid the window open, mindful of the glass, and cleared her throat. Her lungs seemed to want to fill it. They pulsed in her chest, greedy for oxygen. What was happening? There was no threat, no flood of bothersome emotions clouding her judgment. Cliodhna would have pointed her to the blade, reminding her she was clearly not good enough if such uneventful circumstances were leading to flimsy control of her faculties. Regan shrank away from the thought, and the opening door of the bathroom offered further escape. 

“You’re back.” She brightened. “I got Sprite. Like you mentioned. I thought, if we’re going to be engaging in such vigorous activity, your performance might be improved if you had access to your favorite beverage.” Regan found herself close to Jade again, enough to smell mint and the lemony scent of the soap her bathroom was stocked with. She hoped she carried some of the last autopsies’s assortment of smells on her skin for Jade to appreciate. Only because it would enhance the experience they were about to have. That was all. “So, uh,” She ran a hand through her hair, “Would you like to start? I don’t do this often. I mean, I haven’t in years, really. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to engage with like-minded peers in this way.”

Oh okay, Regan didn’t get jittery. Yeah, alright. Sure, like she was some sort of machine, a soulless robot. (Though maybe she couldn’t say that anymore, with the state of technology. Yikes). Jade almost gave her an eyeroll, but she suppressed it on time, dismissing her with a head shake instead. It was silly, everyone got jittery. Even she got jittery (like when there was a concert pre-sale). (Or her father’s booming voice whenever anger took over). And that was fine. Normal. She had already figured out Regan liked appearing impenetrable, though. That she couldn't hurt or whatever the conversation had been. It wasn’t something they could discuss right now, or ever, if things went south tonight. She chuckled at the question, cause why was Regan so insistent on knowing what she did for a living? This wasn’t an interview. So she blatantly ignored her in favor of washing her hands.

And as soon as the door closed, she launched onto one of her favorite activities: snooping around. You could tell a lot by a person’s bathroom. Jade opened every single cabinet and door, reached for every shelf she found (except the top one because…she had some limitations). Things got weirder the more she searched. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not even a pathetic 5 in 1 shampoo and worn down dish rag in the shower. Even guys had those. Crap. This was a red flag, wasn’t it? Ugh. It wasn’t a deal breaker per se (that top 3 looked to remain unchanged unless Regan pulled something outlandish), but maybe this was a warning to tread more carefully once outside. Which, she was taking a little too long, right? It’d get suspicious. Shoot. She washed her hands quickly and exited the bathroom, looking cool and collected when her eyes landed on Regan.

Jade almost joked about the window not being big enough for her to escape, but then she spotted the glasses of sprite and she squealed, her smile widening. “For me? You're spoiling me, babe" she let out a dreamy sigh, choosing to walk over Regan’s side instead of rounding the counter to stand across from her. If Regan was trying to make up for the fact that they didn’t even have a couch, that was fine. It meant she felt a little bit guilty, right? Not something a murderer would feel. She leaned in, shoulders touching as she happily took a sip of her drink. A sip she didn’t get to fully swallow because Regan’s comment caught her off guard. Some sprite spilled down her chin. Alright, geez. Maybe the doctor had a few tricks up her sleeve too. Color her excited. She cleared her throat, thumb brushing under her lower lip. “planning on wearing me out?” she joked without missing a beat, batting her eyelashes. 

And Jade thought that was gonna be it. The ice breaker kicking things into gear, but Regan was nervous again. (Or something, cause she didn’t do nerves or whatever. The filthy liar). She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, studying the other woman for a moment. She could tell Regan was all thoughts, all the time. How exhausting. Sometimes those were her favorite kind of people. The most fun to work up, at least. Like, it was amazing what an attentive touch and expert mouth could unravel. There was nothing more beautiful than a blissed-out person, and she hoped to see that side of Regan later. For now, it seemed she totally had to ignite some of that fire she’d seen online. “Nuh huh, nope”. She shook her head. Maybe Regan needed incentive? To show her what she was missing with all the nerves? (Again, liar. And not even a good one). Yeah, that was it. She left the glass on the counter, an idea springing to mind. 

She moved quickly behind Regan, forgoing touch not to rattle her further. Jade walked backwards to one of the chairs, making sure Regan’s eyes were following her. “Show me what you prepared,” she stated plainly. That wasn’t going to do the trick, obviously. Incentive, right. She flipped her hair back, curls no longer spilling around her shoulders, leaving her neck exposed. Her left hand crept up steadily, searching for that third button. A crowd pleaser, generally. She flicked it, the fabric sliding lower down her shoulders, just enough to get a small peek of lace underneath. Her piercing gaze found Regan's, beckoning her. The intention was clear in her smile: The rest were for her to undo, if she wanted to. “Show me,” she coaxed gently, taking a seat. Hands resting on her thighs, fingers dug into her jeans to restrain herself from reaching and ripping Regan’s coat herself. Patience (Always a problem for her). The slow rise and fall of her chest grew shallow in anticipation. “Please? I wanna see”.

Jade’s presence behind her set off Regan’s sense of alarm, as if it wasn’t already blaring warnings and pointed questions at her beforehand. There was something not adding up here, and she liked to think that she was skilled at putting pieces together, like assembling a shattered plate of the skull as she’d done earlier in the day. But Jade was harder to figure out than a pile of bone fragments, and while Regan’s body had practically glided through the earlier task on instinct alone, it hung limply now, betraying her. Jade’s shoulder swishing against her coat – the motion and the sound of it – was enough of a shock to make a screech nearly spill out of Regan’s lungs. It came knocking and she wasn’t fast or strong enough to slam the door on it. But she caught it in her throat, not letting it leave her mouth. Her teeth vibrated and with one huge gulp, she forced it back down her esophagus. She was prepared. Ready, always ready. And that was why. Regan stared at Jade’s lips as her finger glossed over them, thinking about how close they had been to flying right off her face. Jade, completely unaware of the near accident, seemed to have something more important on her mind and abandoned the half full glass of Sprite with a saunter Regan could only watch. 

Oh. Her eyes caught on Jade’s shiny hair – which seemed to be exactly where Jade wanted them – and then snapped to her neck. It was gracile and elegant, and as Jade exhaled another winter fresh breath, Regan studied ripple that ran through her suprahyoid muscles. And there was her hand. Climbing. Back to the buttons. Caught between her fingers like a pea, and then released. Was it hot in here? She couldn’t tell, given the coat. It always felt hot. “I can, um, turn down the temperature, if you want. If you’re hot. You know, you do look hot. I should, uh, go… do that.” But she had trouble meeting Jade’s eyes, instead drawn to that glimpse of lace, white under green, which was far more potent than it ought to be. Her throat went dry, and she had to swallow hard, with just as much effort as pulling back an errant screech. The thermostat went untouched.

Show me.

Regan’s legs felt tangled, torn between backing up and allowing herself to get reeled in like she’d just spotted an entire deer carcass by the side of the road. Intentional or not, she found herself approaching. What was wrong with her? Jade had joined her for innocent edification and Regan’s own traitorous mind was soiling it, scampering off into other territories when it should have been focused solely on the task at hand. It was a lesson she had needed to learn in Saol Eile, too. Wandering eyes were met with sharp reminders to focus on herself, her own body. But Jade’s face was so bright, her eyes daring, and her teasing voice twisted around Regan’s willpower like the snaking ivy of a promise bind. 

Regan brought herself down to Jade’s level, her eyes darting between Jade’s eyes and that damned button. Her fingers burned to be used, and her wings fluttered beneath her coat. 

…Right. Reality came crashing back. The wings. The coat. The danger. She hadn’t realized her expression had softened, and just how close she’d inched to Jade, a near stranger, even lowering herself, until the bubble had burst like a blister, and she forced herself to harden once more. She jolted upright as if she’d been jabbed by a fire poker and gazed at pretty much the only other thing in the room: the table and laptop.

“I, um –” She stammered. “Sorry. I – distracted. I got distracted. It is my own failing. Why don’t we skip straight to the best part?” She floundered to her laptop like it was a liferaft and gave the trackpad a couple of frantic taps, setting off a cascade of ulcers of every size, shape, and color. They zoomed onto the screen, shiny with bodily fluids and the flash of the camera. Refreshing. Attention-grabbing. Distracting from the distraction. Regan paused on one particularly colorful ulcer – a beautiful marrow-yellow with swirls of red, decorated with peacock spots of inky black. “Uh, so these are – um, are you familiar with Wischnewski ulcers? Some of the finest gastric mucosal erosions. I think this one is especially lovely. It, um, compliments your – shirt. Yes… shirt.” Somehow, it felt hotter in here yet. “You know, why don’t you share? I’m sure you prepared something special. And I don’t want to take up too much of your valuable time.”  

Jade’s eyes crinkled in delight, her confidence soaring as she watched her effect on Regan. Not only was she following her, but the icy blue in her eyes thawed beautifully, black expanding the more she allowed herself to look at what was waiting for her. So, so black. Whatever teasing remark Jade had left died in her throat, no longer interested in sounding smooth or funny, not when she had Regan’s full attention. Her lips parted, watching Regan level with her. Jade’s eyes sparkled, encouraging and keen, waiting for whatever apprehension held Regan back to slip away. Impatience coiled tighter below her navel, each time Regan dared dragging this longer with her dumb, wandering eyes. But okay, it began flowing in tandem, her own gaze flicking to Regan’s lips each time hers dipped lower. She liked that. Whenever they’d climb up, finding each other again. Lungs taking in less and less air. She leaned forward, fingertips burning to trace Regan’s jawline, hoping to anchor her until she was enticed to close the distance. Or maybe, wishing the touch would tip the scales in her favor.  

But…Regan was gone. Quick and sharp and already out of reach before Jade could even process. She gulped. Her mouth dropped, letting out a shuddering breath, snapping out of the moment. Wow. Okay, yep. Regan was so fooling her with the nerves act. Game recognized game. It only made this more exciting in the long run. Her eyes followed her, confused when she reached for the laptop, but soon connected the dots (in hindsight…yeah, nope). Regan was obviously gonna put on some music, cause she had a show for her, duh. 

Her eyes bulged comically at the hideous sight on the screen. Good thing she had a strong stomach cause those were some nasty, nasty pictures. Jade froze, watching in horror, and couldn't even comment on the adorable stammer because… What? WHAT!? Had she suddenly stepped into a different dimension? Regan’s monologue forced her to trace back several steps in their conversation. What was happening? She almost reached for the phone in her jacket to find proof of their previous interactions, to convince herself she hadn’t gotten this entirely wrong. Oh. Oh.

Jade looked at the screen, then at Regan, looking all professional and doctor-y. Oh, no. No. This was bad. It was so so bad. Astronomically bad (but not ‘elder vampire in the wild’ bad, at least). Naturally, she reacted the way any other human being would have in her position.

She cackled. 

If Regan had neighbors, they heard her. If Regan's neighbors' had neighbors the vibrations must’ve traveled far enough to feel the disturbance. “I’m so sorry,” came out breathless. Jade covered her mouth with her hands as she dissolved into a laughing fit. “It’s not you. I’m not laughing at you,” she amended quickly, but couldn’t get her laugh under control. She probably looked like a lunatic now. “This is all me” she closed her eyes, fingers tapping the space between her eyebrows. She really had to explain that she thought this was a booty call? Oooh. Buttocks, she had mentioned buttocks…Why didn't that give her a pause? Who the hell used buttocks in 2023?

Her eyes were shiny with tears when the laughter subsided. She let out a content sigh. Yeah. It was funny. And silly and… “I thought—” her smile didn’t waver, her tone remained unaffected. It was a mask too perfectly crafted for one little inconvenience to wipe it off. The pillars of her self-worth stuck to the ground by sheer stubbornness, even when it was all rubble at the foundations. Nothing would crumble over a misunderstanding. But a finger did poke the hole in her jeans, repeatedly, throat unusually heavy. “I thought you wanted me” Jade rolled her eyes, chuckling at herself. She inhaled sharply to forget the sting of rejection. Cause really, was it even rejection if Regan had never thought of her like that? Flipping that switch was all she needed. She breezed through the feeling, saved it for when she had her coping habits in hand and put herself together in record time to segway again.  

Jade rubbed her forehead, chest rising with another powerful cackle. She stood from the chair, hands fumbling over her buttons, but neglecting them when a thought hit her. “So, so the whole skin and organs talk, was that not an innuendo… At ALL!?” How was that not some weird type of foreplay? What the… “I thought you had like…some kinda thing for bruised and battered. Not judging, some girlies dig that. I came with like, empirical evidence or whatever you dorks call it? I googled it for you!” she emphasized this with a wave of her hand. She was so excited for Regan to discover her weekly collection of bruises, thinking it’d get her all hot and bothered. But nope. Not at all. They were truly talking about…science. Medicine. Cause she was a doctor. Duh.

(Once she stopped reeling from the revelation, maybe she’d come to appreciate the fact that all of this oddly made Regan less of a weirdo in her eyes). (At least a smidge. There was very much a squirrel lying on the table. Still. Both physically and in terms of permanence). (And actually, what was the squirrel for?)

Shoot, right. Irrelevant.

“I’ve no idea what Wazowski ulcers are,” she whined, eyebrows knitting together in apology. Jade was out here wasting a freaking doctor’s time. And her effort. Like, it was super fun to mess with people, but doctors? She wasn’t evil. She could make up for that at least, right? “I could still see what you got. Obviously you worked on it and all” A whole Powerpoint? She hadn’t used Powerpoint since college. Geez. Ugh. She hoped it didn’t sound like pity. But like, she did feel ultra bad. No, maybe Regan was too proud for pity. With her aversion to being human and all. “Or! I can be out of your way…Yup! That sounds way better, this wasn’t on your mind. Again, my bad. Not yours,” she tilted her head, squinting at Regan. She flicked her wrist, gesturing an estimation. “Eh, maybe a little bit yours”.

Regan could hear her own laborious heart beat in her ears. Each second ticked by. And Jade stood unmoving, with seemingly nothing to share. No PowerPoint of her own, no prepared information in her pocket, nothing... except a laugh. A rich, howling laugh like a giddy hyena that practically threatened the windows just as much as one of her own screams. It was harsh in Regan's ears. Not painful. Harsh. Her spine stiffened and part of her wanted to spill her own lungs back at Jade. If this was mockery, she would not stand for it. She had been mocked enough for two lifetimes. But then came the clarification, as Jade's laughter still echoed through the nearly-empty room. Regan tilted her head, her eyes narrowed at Jade's. Why the smile? She did not return one. "Why– I do not understand." She bristled a little. She had prepared all of this and didn't expect or appreciate to get laughed at. 

Jade was red in the face, difficult to hear as the occasional huff was still leaving her lips. Not laughing at her? "O...kay." Regan blinked, less wary but more confused. Her lungs deflated. Slowly, quietly.

Never mind. Her whole body pulled tight and inward again. I thought you wanted me. Regan's forehead scrunched. "I do. That's why I've invited you here..." There was something else, though, something she wasn't getting. But then, Jade asked about innuendo. And it clicked like a bad patella. She thought of the buttons squeezed between her fingers, the way she'd addressed the coat, the tantalizing way her face had hung so achingly close to her own before, the scent of mint rolling out of her mouth. "Wait. Are you saying–" Regan thought she had been wrong. That she was so starved for physical affection of any kind that she'd conjured up what she could not have. But Jade was never here as an intellectual pursuit. She thought they would have sex. That interest, bold and clarion in her mind, now seemed blazingly obvious. An intense heat crawled across Regan's face, and she turned away from Jade with an awkward wobble. Her chest felt like a big old moth was thrashing about inside of it, and it was never good when that happened. 

Her tongue was dead in her mouth but she brought it to life eventually. She crossed her arms, the fabric of her coat swishing, as she took offense to the reason behind Jade’s offer. It at least gave Regan something to hook her thoughts around that wasn’t imagining – “You have no interest in ulcers.” She rubbed her temples with her hands. She didn't want to berate the girl. This was a misunderstanding. One on both sides. And... how much of a misunderstanding was it really? "Do you know what an ulcer is at all? You're giving me one. No, don't–" Leave. Stay? She wasn't sure. "–I – sorry. I'm catching up. You're ahead of me. I'm – is that why you're –" She waved a hand toward Jade, though she wasn't entirely sure what she was gesturing toward herself. Attractive? Was that what she'd wanted to say? She couldn't form the word. "I don't, I'm not, I can't, I – my ulcers need me. I'm busy. You know. Doing other things. I mean, not that I was going to do –" Her lungs could take no more of this. The glasses exploded, seemingly out of nowhere. Sprite geysered across the room. “Sorry! I’m sorry!” Regan barked, eyes wide and white with panic. At least the drink had been on the table, far enough away that Jade didn’t get soaked. “You know, I think you should go. Not that you did something wrong. I am a fool, a failure and a – I need to go clean this up.” She swallowed with great difficulty, and her face still felt like it was radiating heat. “Here.” Regan plucked the dead squirrel from the table and frantically pushed it into Jade’s hands. A peace offering. “Be off.”

Typically, when Jade proclaimed her intentions of sleeping with anyone, the reactions were a lot more positive. (Like that one dude who full on sobbed). Don’t get her wrong, people were allowed to have no taste and reject her. Their loss. But Regan’s tiny wobble was baffling and unprecedented. She couldn’t take it too personally. It was more like Regan had her own issues to deal with, right? She wondered if no one had ever come onto her before. No, that felt all kinds of absurd. Of course others had shown interest before. Like, she was totally doing it for Jade even with the hideous winter coat she never got to take off. (And that ship had sunk now. Bottom of the ocean, chilling with the titanic sunk). So what was it?

Her eyebrows pinched together, watching Regan process the misunderstanding. And alright, damn, she didn’t know she was headache inducing (eh, well…). Should she be offended Regan wanted nothing to do with her? No, better not open that can of worms until she hit a club later. She chucked that thought aside, hanging her head in mock shame when she was grilled for her lack of interest in ulcers. Her lips pressed together, failing to suppress a smile. She chose to ignore the little dig at her intelligence. Just cause she wasn’t a woman of science didn’t mean she was dumb. Ever heard of the school of life? 

“In terms of wet openings nooo, nope. I can’t say ulcers make it to my top 3, no” Jade scrunched up her nose, schooling herself not to snicker. She didn’t want Regan to think she was laughing at her. It was the situation that was super hilarious. (Ignoring the rejection of it all). Maybe they could both laugh about it some day. If Regan was someone who laughed. The jury was still out. “But I’m very sorry I’m giving you one, that’s like…so not what I wanted to give you tonight”. She swallowed the word multiple, cause at that point she feared Regan might as well combust if she uttered it.

“Totally fair, that powerpoint looked so kickass, by the way. I mean, except for all the ulcers… I didn’t know you could make that sorta transi—” her body jerked at the sudden explosion, gaze quickly landing on the two non-existent glasses. Crap. Alright…weird. Like, actually strange behavior. She had glossed over the broken mirror in the bathroom, cause… who hadn’t had a bit of a drunk meltdown at 3am and then taken it out on their reflection? That was womanhood, baby. But the glasses exploding as Regan spiralled? Gave her a pause. Though, of course, it was possible they had shattered due to the scorching UST in the room. It had been documented to happen in her presence before. (So flattering). But what if it was something else? Checking in with her slayer senses didn’t reveal anything problematic either. Sure, her skin thrummed, but not in the usual 'hot vampires in your area' way. That was just...Regan’s doing.

Regan, who didn’t wanna give her time to think and grabbed the dead squirrel, storming toward her. Nope, not happening. Jade moved quicker, managing to snatch her wrist. She barely felt it under the silly coat she was wearing. (Though, actually? Maybe Regan was onto something. Super soft fabric. 7/10. Three points deduction based on how little she could actually feel Regan). “Okayyy. Chill out, babe” she tried gently, exerting inhuman power not to pay attention to the dead squirrel being thrusted against her partially bare chest. She pushed against Regan, the dead animal dangling between them, brushing against her skin. Her breath hitched. Nope. Ew. She could not look down, or she’d lose it too. She locked her eyes on Regan’s again. “I’m off, I promise. And you’re not a fool or whatever. I just have this effect on people” she pushed more forcefully against Regan, unwilling to take the dead animal. What was it even for? Why did Regan have a dead animal just lying around? And why on earth did she think she wanted it? “Nuh uh. Keep it. I think it’ll make you way happier”.

Jade let go of her, if the animal landed on the floor, well…it wasn’t up to her anymore. She reached for her buttons, less allure and more fumbling as she worked her way up this time. Maybe the black lace would’ve sealed it. Yup, that was her real problem. “I’d say it’s been a pleasure but…” she trailed off with a smirk. It was entirely possible Regan didn’t get the double entendre, and honestly? that was for the best. She moved into her space again, but instead of trying any last minute tricks that proved effective in the past, she simply reached for her jacket. Then stepped back, offering a dazzling smile in hopes of providing comfort. This stuff happened. Not to her, mind you, and certainly not with a dead squirrel in the vicinity, but there was a first time for everything. Taking advantage of Regan’s inaction (the squirrel was totally working!), she walked backwards toward the door. “Yup. Leaving now. If your ulcers stop needing you, you know where to reach me,” and with that, she twirled and exited the apartment.  

Jade’s hand clinging to her sleeve brought on another wave of panic, this time of a different flavor. Why wasn’t she accepting the squirrel? Regan thought it would get her out of there faster. Take it and go. But she was being met with force, and if Jade didn’t want the squirrel, it was her loss. Yes, Jade was the only one losing here. Only Jade. Regan lost out on nothing at all. “Okay, fine, don’t take it then. I’ll – it’s not going to make me happ – forget it.” The thought soured in her mind and she could smell mint mixing with the earthy dead squirrel’s scent and she still just needed Jade out of there before the windows exploded. 

Jade got the hint. Regan nodded emphatically, all the while stepping backwards. She tripped over the chair but caught herself at the last second. “Yes. Right. Pleasure. Goodbye. I will not reach you. I mean, contact you. I’m not going to do that. The ulcers, you know? They always need me. I’m constantly in demand because of ulcers. Do you know how many people have ulcers? Almost everyone – the living, the dead, ulcers everywhere. I’m always busy.” 

She watched Jade swoop out – keeping the promise she surely hadn’t realized she’d made – and stared as she walked out the door. When she realized where her gaze had dropped to, she frowned at herself. The squirrel dangled by the tail for a moment before her fingers just went too numb to hang onto it, and it hit the floor with a soft thud as the door clicked shut with finality. The carcass barely flopped. Rigor had taken it, Regan noted, trying to focus on that over the motorcycle thrumming from the driveway.

Regan placed her forehead in her sweaty hands and bit back whatever strangled thing was trying to worm its way up her throat. “Regan, tá tú ina ulcer rectal iomlán pléascadh.”

[dasenergi]

It is the absolute most perfect day out there. I just got home from our local wetlands nature preserve. It's 75°/ 24° C out there. A slight breeze, 8 mph. The sunshine feels so good on my skin! When I got into my car this morning, it was covered in pollen. Spring is here!

I went to the nature preserve to work on the "The Sacred Trees" module from the Inner Temple Mystery School.

When I arrived I did an intuitive nature walk and let my crystal pendulum guide me along the path, it told me which direction to go. First it took me down a hidden path to a tree where I used to have sex with an ex-boyfriend. When I arrived under the tree, it is a great old tree with stories to tell, but the pendulum was telling me, "No." So we went back to the main path.

It eventually led me off of the main trail to a young oak grove. When I was in the middle of three young oak trees it told me, "This is the spot!" (It was swinging in a circle.) So I setup camp to spend about 90 minutes in meditation, limbs from the trees overlapped above to create a canopy protecting me.

First I did a grounding meditation, planting my roots in the soil, connecting to the trees and life around me. My hands reached down to the soil. When I do reiki (energy work), my hands get so hot. The same this time. My hands hot, the energy tingling down my arms. My energy field was reaching out to the trees on either side of me. Connection.

I felt held, supported, inspired by the interconnectedness of all life around me. The bees gathering pollen from the trees above me. Beneath me the dark and rich soil full of life, bacteria, fungi, insects, and worms, breaking down fallen leaves and dead wood releasing nutrients back into the soil. The warm breeze, carrying pollen, and life-giving oxygen, fresh and clean from the trees, the sound of leaves blowing in the wind. (Later, when I opened my eyes I found fallen leaves in my beard, shoulders, and on my shirt and lap.)

I was in bliss. This is what a forest bath is all about.

I did a Rebecca Campbell guided meditation, "Earth Pulsing With Trees." It was so calming, deep breathing with the pulse of the Earth, leaning into the trees, supported by the warm breeze. So much interconnected life energy surrounding me. I felt the balance of, "We are One." Humans are a kindred of the trees. Distant cousins. We both come from water and need water to survive. But trees also provide us with oxygen that we also need to survive.

Then I did the "Tree of Life, Soul Journey" meditation. I already did this one a couple of weeks back. Again, the Green Man came to me as my nature spirit guiding me through the Enchanted Forest. It told me its name is Kneebog. (The same name it told me last time.)

Whenever I visit the Enchanted Forest during my "Tree of Life, Soul Journey" meditation, I am reminded of the fantasy forest in the 1985 Tom Cruise, Ridley Scott, Tim Curry movie "Legend". I think I need to watch it again soon.

As always, my "Tree of Life" is a giant Majestic Oak like the one at the Botanic Garden near me in Claremont. So big. Such a huge canopy. Hundreds of years old. I've always imagined Queen Titania, King Oberon and the rest of the faeries dancing around the tree in Claremont on some midsummer eve. (As a druid, it truly is an ancient, sacred, holy tree. The Tongva tribe, native to this region also thought so.)

The Tree of Life didn't give me any new information today, as usual it tells me I am on the right path and to keep doing what I am doing. My job in this phase of our awakening (evolution) is a sower of seeds. It is important to keep sharing this wisdom on Tumblr, spreading seeds. This wisdom will take root in other minds and the knowledge will grow.

I didn't try kything with the trees too much today. I actually got an odd feeling from them when I first tried. The trees are too young, and they aren't naturally grown from that land. They were planted there. Kything with them almost felt like reading the mind, emotions, and energy of an awkward confused and insecure 12 year old going through puberty. It was very complex and challenging. And I wasn't in the emotional state to handle that. I wanted calm and grounded.

But I touched them all, and thanked them all. I told them I will revisit them again in the Spring/Summer. And I will see how much they have changed in that time.

Then I did a closing ritual, packed-up, and began the walk back to my car. All the while, simply enjoying what a beautiful perfect day it is today. Not too hot, not too cold, but just right.

The dark days of Winter are behind us. Life and renewal are here.

[tobacconist]

the hardest of men shave with a blowtorch. and they put garlic in their socks. i smoke my pipe upsidedown in the rain. behold, i see a woman riding a pig backwards. wait, its not a woman. its a man in a dress. look! she has an elaborate headdress on her head, it looks like a big castle made of smaller castles, with heather about it. and theres a little dog too, no, wait, i dont know if its a dog or a pig. it could be a small pig. its a small hairy animal, and it has wings. it could be a bearcub. hes swimming beside her and there is a mongoose with him, but the mongoose doesnt have wings. the 'woman' is called an angel, and she plays the saxophone. i see a hexagon, and the inverse of a seahorse, and a high heeled boot kicking a football. i learned long ago that there is a certain kind of rare jewel which glows in the darkness, which has medicinal virtues. and it is possible to dissolve it in wine, and it has the power to change the past and the future. but i cannot tell you its name. it is obtainable only in the far far east. so far east that youre almost west again, 'weast', as we call it. hark! hark! hear the dogs bark! news from the west! you must wear a vest! news from the north! let us go forth! news from the east! a fast and a feast! news from the south! shut your mouth! but i shall not. she is a mute, yet great is the multitude of her words, she is the barren one, and many are her sons. i am the mother of my father and the sister of my husband, she said, once. i dont think anyone knows what she meant by it. beware, there are serpents crawling at your feet, i wear a snake around my neck. was i not there when the earth began? when jesus rode on dinosaurs, and all the forests were full in plenty? and no one hurting eachother, and all was merry, and all the aminals living in peace, and adam and eve aswell, and the fountain, and the angels that walked then amongst us, and the glory of the garden. it was precious, and i remember it well. and i remember the tower of babel, and the green man who lived on the island, and the giants and dwarves; and the dragons which are now slain. and was i not there at the sacred touching-of-the-beards ceremony? i wove mine in with the rest, wizards we, and it was for the greater good. when mary and elizabeth met, their babies jumped for joy within their wombs. and know that the baby jesus never once cried, and that he was born with his eyes open, and that his smile is most precious. once, peter and jesus went out upon the fields, and they ploughed three furrows and brought up three worms. one was black, one was white, and one was red. in ancient days, the world was divided in three parts: the waters, the lands, and the skies. and they were three separate kingdoms, and only the swan could move freely between them. when we die, worms eat our bodies, then birds eat the worms, and we eat the birds. its a little bit disgusting, actually. twice, mary ran to the shore carrying three worms, one black, one white, one red. the first time they were living, the second time they were dead. and she cried for her son, like no woman has cried. we all heard it, in heaven and in earth. and didnt the earth tremble? and the sun and moon look away? worms wriggle and writhe. the black one was called ignorance, the white one was called shock, and the red one was called pain. when jesus was a little boy, he made some sparrows out of clay. thrice, the cockerel crowed for peter. the boat was lost at sea. three worms mary held in her hand, one black, one white, one red. and didnt the salty wind whip her about as she stood there on the beach? the flight to egypt was perilous, airtravel wasnt as good back then you see. they were stopped at customs many times and accused of stealing their gold and smuggling their incense.

[snarkymonkeyprime]

What good is a self-made OTP if I can't make them grope each other in a closet?

     Kai was sure he'd never get tired of the sight of Ethan frustrated, pale blue eyes hazy with lust.  Didn't mean he necessarily wanted to be groped in a coat closet with half of Portland's upper echelon milling about only a few feet away.

     Still.  He rested his arms on Ethan's shoulders, hands loosely clasped.  A boldness he didn't always feel crept over him and he cocked his head slightly, blood singing at the way Ethan's eyes never left his.  "Problem, officer?"

     Ethan scowled.  "Do you have any idea what you look like?"

     Kai fought a grin.  Instead, he blinked innocently.  "Why, whatever do you mean?" he teased.

     Ethan's fingers dug into his waist drawing a hiss.  He leaned in, resting his lips against Kai's jaw and growled, "They think you're Xerynn's."

     Kai did laugh then.  "Wh-what?"  Still snickering, he watched Ethan draw back, a very obvious pout on his face.  

     I love you, you idiot, he thought with affection, his own heart stuttering at the realization.  His humor softened and he cupped Ethan's cheek, dragging a thumb against his boyfriend's neatened beard.  "Who does?"

     Looking every inch a petulant giant, Ethan looked away.  "I kept hearing them say how . . . how surprised they were by Xerynn's new arm candy."  His throat worked as he frowned and looked steadily away from Kai.  "Like, like they thought you weren't good enough."

     Kai's heart overflowed in that moment.  He brought his other hand up to Ethan's face and forced the man to look at him, smiling at familiar want and affection in those eyes.  "Ethan, are you seriously angry that they didn't think I could get Xerynn?"

     "Maybe," he mumbled.

     You idiot, he chided, grinning.  He leaned close and kissed the tip of the man's nose.  "Frankly, they should be wondering if something's wrong with me mentally if they think I'm here with him because anyone he actually seems to want to pursue always has a few wires missing," he retorted.  Granted, he only had Jac as an example but it was a hefty example.

     Ethan's eyes flicked to Kai and away, but beneath Kai's fingers, the man's jaw no longer jumped.  

     "Ethan," he murmured.  Eyes swung back and locked on Kai this time.  His heart jittered at the heat there.  "Ethan," he repeated.  He kissed Ethan gently.  "Were you jealous?" he teased.

     He gasped when Ethan pinned him to the wall again, startled by the sudden movement.  He didn't fight when Ethan took Kai's wrists and held them above his head.  

     Of course you only need one hand you goddamn behemoth, he mused as Ethan drew his empty hand down his neck.  Thank fuck.  His eyes fell shut and he lifted his chin, shivering at the blunt scrape of fingernails along his skin.  By reflex, he widened his stance and whimpered when Ethan pressed close, letting Kai know just how affected he'd been.

     "You're mine, remember?" Ethan growled, leaning in to fasten his mouth to Kai's neck.  He dragged his teeth along Kai's skin, lips curling in response to Kai's startled yip.  "Wish I could mark you.  Wish I could show them you're mine."

     Kai squirmed, growing hard and flush at the want in Ethan's voice.  It was the same for him, though.  Everywhere they went eyes followed Ethan.  Lust trailed after the man like an unending river.  And while Kai knew Ethan would always be faithful, it didn't prevent the tiny doubts that would worm into his head when they were separated for long periods.

     "I am though," he whimpered.

     "Are you?"  Ethan's voice changed, darkening.  He huffed a puff of air across Kai's dampening skin.  "Are you mine?"  He let go of Kai's wrists but when his arms began to drop he growled, "Keep them there."

     Kai shut his eyes and nodded frantically.  The whine that came out when Ethan reached for his waist might have embarrassed him once but now, he only fidgeted, his imagination filling in the next steps.

     He shifted again as air passed along his now bare stomach, Ethan having yanked his dress shirt from out of his tux.  He bit his lip at the moan that burst in his throat when Ethan slid one hand down the back of his boxers, squeezing roughly.

     "This," Ethan hissed, fingers digging into Kai's ass, "is mine."

     "Yours," Kai gasped, hips bucking against Ethan, his dick already throbbing and seeking.  "Ethan, anyone ever tell you," he swallowed, opening his eyes to slits, a loopy grin slanting his mouth, "that you're kind of horny?"

     His boyfriend surged forward, knocking him to the wall as he brought their mouths together, a spark of pain rapidly fading under the welcome onslaught.

[zehobereian]

gamora & eden grimm-masters one shot

"have yourself a merry little christmas"

word count: 1370 | (not proofread) | timeline appx dec 21st, 2015

(TW: mentions of religious imagery surrounding Christmas)

“Chris-muss?”

Startled, Eden looked up from where she was curled up by the window of her bedroom to be met with the confused face of her older sister peering back at her.

“Sorry, what?” She replied, holding her place in the novel she had been reading with her thumb and raising her brow.

“What is Chris-Muss?” Gamora asked again before crossing the room and taking a seat on Eden’s bed.

“Do you mean christmas?” Eden questioned, setting her book aside. She hadn’t even thought about Christmas, or how its reach may not extend beyond Earth.

“That’s what I said”

“No, it’s not.” She shook her head, “You said Chris-Muss. It’s all one word. Christmas.”

“I don't see the difference.”

Eden sighed and shook her head. She felt in her bones that this conversation was going to open another can of worms.

Most conversations about Earth did. Ever since she’d known her, which was only about a year, Eden had adored her older sister. She knew she tried her best to understand, but Gamora wasn’t from earth, and from what she knew about her, she definitely didn’t spend most of her life somewhere where they’d celebrate anything. Especially Christmas.

Eden felt her heart squeeze at the thought of Gamora's childhood. the guilt of being the one who got away still gnawed at the pit of her stomach.

Standing up, she crossed the room to join Gamora on her bed, flopping onto her back and staring at the ceiling.

“What do you want to know about Christmas?” she hummed, tilting her head towards Gamora so that she could at least partially see her face.

She watched as Gamora hesitantly laid down beside her, her hands folded over her stomach as she fidgeted with her rings. Gamora still struggled with the constant need to be on guard. They were working on it.

Eden smiled at her, an acknowledgment that they were safe here, in the Baxter building, in her room. Eden knew inviting Gamora to New York for the holidays was a big deal, but her sister so rarely had time off to visit properly that she knew she had to jump at the opportunity. Plus, bribing Peter Quill with promises of candy canes was far easier than it should have been.

“Well… what is it?”

“It's a holiday,” Eden began before Gamora cut her off.

“I understand that much. I mean… What is its purpose?”

This made flora pause for a moment. She knew that Gamora had seen the Christmas lights, and the majority of the decorations when she arrived. She also knew that her dad had tried his best to immerse Gamora in the Christmas spirit. However, a giant man made of rocks wearing a Santa Claus hat with a bonus fake beard was probably an overwhelmingly odd sight with zero context.

“Do you want to know the origins, or the social customs?”

“Both?” was Gamora's reply. for the deadliest woman in the galaxy, she sounded unsure of herself. Eden wondered if that was how she would sound when she finally got to travel long-term with the Guardians like Gamora had promised.

Eden nodded, turning back to look up at the ceiling. “In some religions, Christmas is a holiday for people to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, who people believe is the son of God.”

“Is he?”

“I don't see why he’d lie about that. Anyway, there’s a whole story about how Jesus’ mother was told by an angel that she was going to have the son of God. Mary and her husband, Joseph travelled a long way but couldn’t find anywhere to stay except for a barn, and Jesus was born there.”

“Mary had a husband but was having the son of another man?” Gamora asked, raising her eyebrow at Eden.

“Yes, but she was chosen by God because.. well, actually I don't know why, but that’s basically the religious story about Christmas. not everybody believes in that though. There are tons of different beliefs.” Eden shrugged slightly before continuing, “But, I think Santa Claus is the most believed in part of Christmas… Until you’re about ten”.

“Santa Claws? Is he celebrated for his abilities in combat?” 

At this, Eden turned back to Gamora. “What?” she asked.

“For his fighting abilities? You know with the claws?”

Eden grinned, shaking her head. “His name is Santa Claus, not Santa Claws. And I don’t think he’s a very good fighter. He’s very… jolly, and has a huge beard, and an even bigger pot belly”

“So, he’s fat?” 

“Yep. He’s fat and he brings gifts to all the nice children of the world on,” Eden craned her head up to check the calendar that hung above her desk. “Thursday night, so they can open them on Christmas morning during the other traditions.”

“So… he’s a criminal? Who breaks into houses?”

Eden laughed lightly. “No. He’s a welcome guest, and he magics himself through the chimney when everyone is asleep so that there’s a nice surprise on Christmas morning for when you’re with your family”

“What does your family do on Christmas morning?” Gamora asked quietly, ignoring the logistics of Santa Claus’ travels..

 The topic of family was a sensitive one, no matter how much they tried to dance around it, it was always there, glaring back at the sisters. Flora had grown up with a family, Eden had a warm home. Gamora had Thanos. Gamora didn’t have holidays. not ones she could really remember anyway.

“We’ve always celebrated together. Stella and I used to wear matching pyjamas and on Christmas morning we’d wake up as early as we could,” she smiled at the memory. “We actually still wear matching pyjamas and have Christmas slumber parties,” she added, watching Gamora smile softly. 

“Stell and I used to sneak out to the Christmas tree— You saw it when you got here, the big green thing with the shiny ornaments on it.”

Gamora nodded in response, she had seen it. She didn’t fully understand why they were dressing trees but she thought it was beautiful nonetheless. 

“We’d get so excited about seeing the gifts all wrapped beneath the tree that we’d immediately wake our parents at the ass crack of dawn,” she laughed. “The biggest challenge has always been getting Uncle Reed out of bed. He's always so mad that we were interrupting his schedule. We know he secretly loves it though.” 

“I think I’d be inclined to agree with Reed,” Gamora mused.

“You won’t feel that way on Friday, you’ll be just like us.” Eden teased. “Once everyone is awake, we all gather by the tree to give gifts to one another. Christmas is the best time to give gifts to the people you love. Thoughtful gifts, to show you care and appreciate their impact on you throughout the year. It's nice.”

She watched Gamora's face, trying to see if she could notice any signs. Signs that it was too much for her but she didn’t see anything and took that as a sign to continue.

“After gifts, we do Christmas breakfast. Dad likes to go over the top with Christmas meals, he and Aunt Sue like to make everything picture perfect. Uncle Johnny tried to help one year. It went badly,” She sighed, rolling her eyes.. “Then we just sort of spend the day together, enjoying the time to just be a family.”

Gamora smiled at Eden, “That sounds really nice, Kalle.” The older sister said softly, still processing everything she’d just heard.

Eden reached over and took Gamora's hand, squeezing gently. “I'm really glad you’re here, Mora”.

“Me too..”

Gamora sat up at the sound of something clattering to the ground in the kitchen, her enhanced hearing elevating the sound. “What was that?” she asked and Eden grinned.

“Gingerbread man time” She replied getting up from the bed. Still holding Gamora's hand, she pulled her up with her.

“What is a gingerbread man?” Gamora asked as she followed behind her little sister.

“One of the best parts of Christmas Eve” was Eden’s only response.

“Christmas Eve?”

“Oh, you have so much to learn, come on! It’s your very first Christmas!” Eden beamed, dragging Gamora into the festive chaos of the Baxter building.

(a/n: full "chris-muss" credits to enigma731 on ao3)

[thedemonconnie]

The Second Circle

The second circle of hell is nicknamed"still the 80s”

For starters it’s an upside down city with humans constantly falling and getting crushed on the rocks below forever and ever 

But there is some symbolism to this

Lust itself is not a sin, it’s as normal and human to feel lust as it is not to feel it 

When it gets out of control, however it becomes a problem, it can cause violence, obsession, unfaithfulness 

It can become a spiral into madness 

As these humans fall into the madness of lust led them to hurt those around them, so shall their eternal fall hurt themselves

The nightlife here is insane, it's always happy-hour, they have strip shows, burlesque, hookers, and even live sex shows!

(It is the circle of lust after all)

You can also delight in narcotics of your choice and are able to get them as easily as getting a drink from a vending machine (and there are drug vending machines) 

The ruler of this circle is None other than the beastly Prince Asmodeus (He/she/they), 

He looks to be in his 40-50s, he has blue eyes with rectangular pupils (cuz he’s a goat) rectangular glasses, and a beard, and chestnut brown hair, and he dresses like it’s still the 80s, he also has six horns

He has “hooves” that look like he’s constantly wearing heels

He also doesn’t have any… “blemishes” per say other then his animal features (It makes it much more easy to attract people to tempt)

Well maybe aside from his slimy worm-like tongue

And a whip like tail (classic succubus feature) with poison thorns that ends in rooster tail feathers (because in some interpretations he’s a c*ck

He also advocates for consent; “one sided lust isn’t lust but violence”

He’s also not alone! He’s actually has a spouse, Princess Lilith, (in my version of you marry into nobility in hell you always inherit the fem version of the title regardless of gender) 

His pronouns are He/She

She and Asmodues and both aromantic but not Ace, they’re queer platonic partners with benefits and their relationship is open

Lilith is a bit younger looking early to Mid 20s 

(I figured since I made Asmodeus a DILF Lilith should be a twink)

She prefers to present as intersex 

(More specifically the variant known as “kinefelter syndrome” in which individuals are “Technically” male but have some differentiation including; wider hips, lack of frontal baldness, lack of chest hair, small testies, female pubic hair pattern, narrow shoulders, long arms and legs and possible boob growth.)

Lilith has dark skin, with vine tattoos, 

Dark Feathers were his hair should be (he’s a screech owl because Lilith in.mythos is a screech ow”!) and she has screech owl “ears” and the tail of a black cat 

And rectangular glasses similar to Asmodeus’

The two of them are in an open, queer-platonic relationship with benifits

[aurumfracturado]

Chats in the Silver Scythe

''I swear to you, I saw what I'm telling you, a tiefling as red as blazing fire, a giant goliath, and a desert semi-elf coming out of the castle when it fell! I swear on my wife, may she be devoured by a purple worm!'' Karsn said as he banged his empty wooden mug on the bar.

''Look, Karsn'', Izin answered. ''I know you're an alcoholic, but you won't convince me that you saw a goliath down the mountains. It's just not possible, and if it were, there would already be rumors of seeing one of those. Honestly, you should consider quitting drinking. Also, them being the cause of the castle's downfall? It seems more like this was the result of a magically teleported ice giant, destroying the castle and then vanishing. I truly don't know what's happening, and honestly, I feel like something else is going on. I just hope it's not something that will take all of us with it!''.

Yeah, well, I guess you're right. What do you think about all of this, Corun? Karsn asks, addressing the bartender.

The big and muscular bartender, with a long brown beard and long hair, sets down a tankard he was cleaning on the table, "I think we need to take charge of the situation. Hopefully, the new Queen can keep control of the city while she's in power, even if she's a bit wild. But, well, who are we to judge? Just five minutes ago, we didn't even know the heir was a woman. I'm glad things have changed, even if just a bit. But well, anyways, do you want another round?'' says with a big smile on his face.

[sleepless-strawberry]

[WP] Spirits of the dead are placed into objects in mystical forges. Due to a mix-up, a soldier is placed in a pen and a poet in a sword.

The streets of the town where busy, bustling and rumbling with the crowd of happy shoppers as they went from stall to shop, inspecting all the everything from the wonderfully bizarre trinkets sold by a long tongued lamina wearing yellow robes to the local butcher dwarf with a scruffy beard and a full belly displaying rats, wolves, giant lizards and much more.

Only one place was excluded from those festivities, an old and run down looking store, hidden in the shade, by the name of "Arizel's Antique Shop". As the name would suggest it was full of clutter and items ranging from ominous dark oak doors to kitchen utensils made out of slimes.

The shopkeeper, Arizel, was an old human lady who was sleeping peacefully behind her desk in a rocking chair. Yet despite what one might expect from a store devoid of clientele it was far from quiet.

"Pez you fucking idiot! Why would you think that could possible work?!"

"First of all, my full name is Pessimistus and I know that you know that that is my name, Alexander. Second of all how was I supposed to know that I was meant to slay the treeant!"

"For the umpteenth time my name is just AL! How hard could that possible be to remember! Unlike your name it's a mere 2 letters! Also, what in Tiryus' name did you think you were meant to do with the treeant?!"

"Why I was intending on carving into it my latest work of course! A poem titled 'Treeant's are scary, I rather fight a little fairy'!"

The noise was coming from two people... well if you could call them that. Certainly at one point in time, long, long ago they have been people. Pessimistus was a famous poet, adored by women and favoured by muses. Whilst, Al was a great general that led his lord's armies towards countless victories. Both were great mortals, favoured by deities. Which was why when they died the Gods that cherished them came to a master forger Dwarf that carved their souls into powerful magical items.

There just one teeny-weeny little problem. The orders came at the same time and so a soldier was placed in a pen and a poet in a sword. Over the years, the two artefacts have swapped many hands, yet without fail have found themselves back on these dusty shells looking across at each other chatting or rather bickering for the most part.

"Is writing silly words all you're good for!" the pen was almost shaking from anger as it roared. "A brittle twig would be more suitable in battle than a magical sword as pathetic as you are!"

"Oh please, you taunt me so yet you are nothing but an earth worm taunting a wingless dragon for not being able to fly!" The sword rebuked with a snarky remark and kept going. "Besides, even if I may admit my lack of talent in the art of war at least I accomplish something. You, my old friend, have yet to succeed in writing out a full paragraph before stabbing through the page!"

The room was filled with chaotic arguing as one side was trying desperately to out scream the other not even hearing the other side over the sound of their own voice.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS WOULD THE TWO OF YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T HAVE IT NEARLY AS BAD AS I!" A third voice interrupts the conversation from across the room, laying on the bottom-most shelf, a shiny cleaver knife with a cow head depicted on the handle.

""Well who are you then?"" Al and Pessimistus asked in unison.

"I WAS A FUCKING VEGAN MINOTAUR!"