#getting to a point where i may just kill him in my playthroughs or let the gur do away w him

[coyoxxtl]

astarion just gets more and more unappealing

[thedomesticanthropologist]

In one of my playthroughs, my Tav is having a TIME with Astarion, and it's a version of his romance I don't see represented online as much and I want to talk about it.

If you choose more lightweight dialogue options, if you don't dig into his mind at the bite scene, if you get his Araj confession instead of his impromptu one,

Then by the end of Act 2, you do *not* have a secure relationship AT ALL, he has never said he's in love, and everything feels REALLY rocky.

All through act 1 he lays on the seduction heavily, but in act 2 a bitch is MAD. He is stressed, he needs to figure out his scars, he feels hunted and un-safe and because of this, he starts to take it out on Tav a bit.

SPOILERS FOR ACT 2:

when Raphael shows up to talk to him, he snaps at Tav saying "don't get in my way". When you do his quest and kill the orthon, you have to PRY a thank you from him by literally telling him to parrot your words ('thank you for helping me, it was very... Kind') and he spits it out like he really, really wasnt intending to say anything in the form of gratitude.

When you talk about what to do about Cazador, my Paladin chose 'youll never be free while he lives' because it's true. If he runs, cazador will hunt him. If cazador lives, he will never stop looking over his shoulder. His reply 'i hate that you're right'

Even when you say you'll join him to hunt his master down, you can watch his facial expressions and see: he's not convinced. Of course he isn't. He's terrified. And is he grateful? Yes, but again, it's guarded.

I then went to moonrise and talked to Araj, and I defended his autonomy 100%.

When his Araj-confession happened, it was absolutely NOT a LOVE confession. It was more like:

"thank you. This made me realize I was still acting like a slave even in freedom, and you supporting me there made me feel like I can start to snap out of that kind set. Sooooo... I should tell you, since you did me a solid, that I was using you for protection and manipulating you up until now"

If you DONT choose the top options, the MOST he tells you about how he feels about you is a single line of dialogue

'imagine my surprise when I started to actually feel... SOMETHING... For you'

This could be friendship, crush feels, etc. It's VERY vague, and important things to note is while WE THE PLAYER know more about him and what he may feel at this point or what he's gone through, YOUR TAV DOESNT.

He does not apologize for using you. He states his regret that his plan failed because he started to value you as a person instead of a tool for him to be used. That admission is his gift back to you for defending him in front of Araj.

If you then choose 'what do YOU want' he approves, but says he doesn't know. And then he defends that 'isnt it nice not to know?' You still get soft faces, your hand held. He's trying to *silently* communicate what he can't bring himself to say, but he *DOESNT* SAY anything to affirm you two are a couple/in a relationship/etc. Just a vague 'lets not talk about it but see where it goes'

Honestly, based on this experience via dialogue choices for this character, it almost seemed to me like "sounds like you need a friend not a lover" makes the MOST SENSE. Of course this is my Astarion Romance run, so my Paladin instead said, basically, I'll wait for you until you're ready. (She chose the 'what do you want,' and let it lay there as is)

Afterwards you can ask about your relationship with him and again, he's flustered, he's hedging, he's defensive, and he brushes it off. He's not ready to talk, he's not ready to commit, he's fully focused on Cazador and his safety.

You enter this waiting period where Tav has been manipulated, spoken down to, snapped at, bitten, and responded to without gratitude, but is ALSO given just the faintest, BAREST glimpse at the vulnerability beneath the surface. The player is being asked at this point to REALLY trust and WAIT without ANY evidence that this relationship could become healthy, or could turn into love, or could because a real relationship. And that's SO NEAT

If you don't romance anyone else and aren't put into the position to choose him, you never get a confirmation of dating. If you get the Araj scene and don't choose hug, and don't force him to confirm he was attracted to you etc, you can literally end the talk on "thanks for defending me, also haha I was using you this whole time just so you know, thanks for being nice about it"

From a Tav point of view, this *could* be fairly devastating, and even if Tav decides to wait and keep supporting him, at this point, even post "confession" there is VERY little evidence that things are gonna get better between you.

We know it does. WE do. We get the access to other dialogue and choices or the other confession IF we chose that. But this, this scene, these dialogue choices REALLY emphasize his Act 3 confession

"you were patient. You waited, through blood lust etc /even when it was an objectively stupid thing to do etc"

Cause yeah. He's RIGHT. If you don't choose VERY specific dialogues to get more out of him, most of his romance up until the Act 3 confession,most of how he treats you, most of how he responds to your decisions in game (if you're playing fairly good and not evil/durge) gives Tav no reason beyond faith to continue to pursue him.

I think he knows this, and it's why he's surprised when you state you don't want him for sex. Because up until Act 3, he KNOWS how he's been treating Tav and even HE wouldn't have stood for it if the roles were reversed, so h thinks 'it must be because I'm good in bed'. Then he takes the sex away and you still stay? Even when he's chasing power, hunting for revenge, snapping at you, refusing to commit?

It's a powerful story line. It's so engaging. And it has room for SO MUCH ANGST

Anyways thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

[tyran-the-tyranical]

I keep seeing people bringing up Raphael’s line about Mol and are coming out with (in my opinion) a little bit of extreme takes.

“What a lovely specimen she is a blushing Apple begging to be plucked”

Firstly, this is just gross and predatory behaviour regarding Mol, just not in the way people are claiming.

He calls her a blushing apple and what he means by this is that she stands out - he sees potential in her and he’s planning on plucking that and exploiting it to his own whims. Of course blushing seems to have its own connotations but in relation to the apple analogy it makes sense. The sentence in itself is very disgusting and gross, but not because it gives off “pedo” vibes, it’s because he’s being predatory but not in any sexual way, there’s nothing sexual about it, literally nothing.

It’s gross because that’s what devils do, they prey on the weak, sick, elderly and children, the most vulnerable in a society because they’re easy prey (in their minds, etc) he’s also may be planning on grooming her presumably into a future position that would serve him later on (like what Korilla does now), yet might I add there’s nothing sexual about it.

People also bring up Gortash as an example but theres also nothing to add with that either. Gortash was abused by Nubaldin (who is an employee of Raphael’s), who says it himself that he would beat Gortash until he was sobbing, there is no mention of Raphael partaking in this let alone any other sorts of abuse (tho he’s not innocent here either, negligent in the very least)

Also, when looking at Gortash’s design it’s clear he holds some sort of admiration for Raphael, he copies his outfit somewhat with the devil’s accessories and such, which would be strange if any abuse by Raphael happened.

Raphael is a devil and if we even look at his father, who in canon, takes good aligned children/babies and eats them so perhaps the leap to something just as sinister isn’t too crazy to come to. Yet, at the same time there is no evidence of this whatsoever other than vibes which is a weak argument in the first place.

His line about Mol is purposely made to be uncomfortable and weird, Karlach even comments on it being such.

“please let me smack this creep”

The line is supposed to show how predatory and deplorable he is, but where I think people are getting confused is that they think him being predatory automatically means he is a pedo, which just isn’t the case. No where else in the game is it stated he has an affinity for specifically children and especially not in that way.

Karlach I think even says more about it after the conversation on how she sees mol going down the same route she did, as in someone taking advantage of their naïveté but not sexually, just that they’re going to use them to their own ends and screw them over in the long run, I think if Karlach thought he was being sexual about it she would’ve been a bit more pissed or comment about it at the very least (more than just calling him a creep lol)

Like I know I might be crazy for this comparison but this feels like when ppl were saying William Afton is a pedo, on the basis of him being (literally) predatory around kids and vibes - you can be predatory and not a pedo, the two aren’t synonymous.

I also think it’s kinda disingenuous to push away criticism by saying you’re only defending Raphael bc ur attracted to him etc, I can like his character and still think he’s a shitty disgusting person, as well as having critical thoughts on that matter, especially since I love my girl hope (justice for hope fr) and I will most likely always kill Raphael in my playthroughs too since he’s such a lil freak anyway.

I really think it’s just a total lack of media literacy, just because these characters are preying on kids weaknesses/vulnerabilities (luring them into selling their souls or grooming them to work for you in the future) does not equate to them being pedophiles. Is it gross and deplorable behaviour? YES, that was the point, but does that mean they’re pedophiles? NO.

The line is gross, it’s supposed to be, and I understand if someone’s first thought might be is he a yknow, but to stick with that and to boldly claim he’s something that there isn’t any evidence for is wild to me. Call him a predator, a groomer, murderer, a literal devil, all things he literally is lol.

Look maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m being wild, I’m not trying to defend him, he’s disgusting and literally evil lol, yet I still think it’s a misjudgement of his character, since there’s other evil characters in game but that doesn’t mean you can just add every evil thing a person can be into them, like minthara, even Gortash, orin or ketheric or whatever, they have their limits, (tho orin is probably the one with the fewest limitations lol) but if you’re going to call anyone a pedo have it be Mizora, least she grooms Wyll and follows through with disgusting touching (everytime she’s licking him in the promotion, EW, tho that’s not in game so debatable)

I get that with such a clearly and obviously disgusting line that that might be the conclusion people will automatically come to but at the same time I just ask that you do some more thinking on the matter, like sure he’s just a lil pixel dude but at the same time it’s a bit worrying to see how quick people will confidently jump and claim he’s a pedophile.

Anyway, media literacy is dead and we’ve killed it.

[pempeeeperem]

HELLO after i gave u that ask I did take a nap and it was a very good nap but I have some more thoughts,

For whatever reason I like to imagine that Sylvia was originally nervous to go and fight with Finn (Potions thingy) but like once she sees him get a bit nervous viva his lines 'how are you keeping your head above water?!' or him going 'stop delaying the inevitable, would you?'

but I saw another line, from the wiki page you so kindly started and it says "I like watching you try so hard" WHAT EXCUSE ME?! THAT IS JUST BLANTENT FLIRTING, AM I CRAZY FINN WAS DOWN BAD DAY ONE AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

but another thing since I like to yap. great white sharks or some sharks in general have an amazing sense of smell so that means if like Sylvia got hurt Finn would be able to smell her blood or vomit or whatever happened all the way from his beach thing,

also do you think Finn and Sylvia cuddle in water together, like the go for a swim, and they just hold each other and chill, I think that would be fishy, get it? (I'm so sorry the pun wrote itself)

Oh, I bet she was nervous! Sylvia always puts on a brave face with everyone, but once in a while she admits to Oswald and others that she has doubts. For example about Finn she talks with Oswald that Finn is different from her previous competitors and asks if she has what it takes.

Also Finn stressed me so much on my first playthrough it was insane that I somehow pulled through. Roxanne and Corsac were cosy in comparison. So, my headcanon is that Sylvia is dying on that competition stand.

I bet he could tell, too. Electroreception is one hell of a buff... but let's not get into how aura reading could lead to interesting insights... not now at least.

I didn't think of that yet, but you're right! Finn was super sure of himself the entire time until he says those lines. They sound super anxious, he's slipping in those moments. Most of his comments are taunts and these few lines stand out all the more.

If you eye the "watching" comment, then may I point your attention to:

The more you talk, the hungrier I get. I don’t mean to be so intimidating. It’s just the alpha energy, you know? Don’t let me into your head, now. I know I can be distracting. All this thrashing around’s got my attention. Time to go in for the kill.

They all are so ambiguous! Something is going on with Finn, but I'm not so sure he realises that. He's so flirty! That one comment towards Robin also sounds super flirty D:

I just... I dunno. I suppose you could argue that's just his character or part of his public persona. But it's much funnier if you interpret it as Finn being curious.

Oh, yeah a shark's sense of smell is crazy. It makes me wonder how Finn could stand making potions. Sylvia's customers regularly comment on the smell in her shop. Does that mean Sylvia smells like her potions or her ingredients? Boy, Finn sure goes through a lot for her.

He sometimes greets her with "Smelled ya coming" and... he could mean that literally. Oh, is that why he's abusing his body spray? To cover up the potion smell? I do wonder where he brew them since we never learn. I think he's had his own shop in town where he brewed. Wouldn't want that stink at home.

It does mean that he would instantly know when she's injured. Maybe even know where she has been. Doesn't that get your fanfic brain going? Oh ho ho

Ahh cuddling in water is cute! Sylvia has got to stay warm somehow!

My favourite swimming idea is the underwater scene from Water World. Kiss under water to breathe thihi. Are they in trouble? Doing it "for science"? Just making out and forget to come up?

Who knows?

[thelikesoffinn]

hi! Just found your blog, and your analysis of Astarion is so interesting and in depth, Iove it! I'm debating whether writing a story with a human monk Tav because I think that can be a fun play on opposites attract, where she's solemn and stoic, but weirdly funny and and ready to help those in trouble, so he warms to her slowly because where was she etc. now in my playthrough he got mind controlled by Nere, and attacked Tav. I can't put down how he would feel? My opinion is that he'd try to distance himself (approval was quite high by then) because he's reminded of cazador 's control and that he's more monster than man. Also, would it be realistic for him not to want tav to go to cazador because he's ashamed/afraid for her life at this point? Or is it too early in his healing for him to think like that? Sorry, long one, thank you!

Well hello there! Thank you so much, duck, I'm so so happy you enjoyed all my rambling! Really honestly, you chaps all have no idea how happy your enjoyment makes me ♥

First: Human Monk Tav x Astarion will definitely be glorious and I hope the muses bless your creative process! We all love a good slow burn opposite attracts romance, that's the good stuff. (And I'm so hyped someone else sees the humour in stoicism. That shit is genuinely funny and not enough people appreciate it, I'm calling it.)

Then, regarding the mind-control issue: Pew! That's really a pickle, because I think it definitely toes the line between what Astarion would want to do and what he is actually able to do.

Generally, I'd say Astarion is one to shy away from dealing with his problems head on - especially the problems he's caused himself because guilt is something our boy absolutely can't face. So I absolutely do believe there's some part of him that just wants to up and dust.

I don't think, however, that distancing himself is something Astarion would ever actually do for a multitude of reasons, really.

First off, and possibly most importantly: The nere-battle is still rather early in the story. That means Astarion is still very likely in survival mode, which means he is painfully aware of every dangerous thing around him.

So that means, he is acutely aware that he needs Tav and their group to survive which, in turn, means he needs Tav right there by his side because they're the only thing that stands between him and the rest of the group. He can be somewhat safe as long as Tav is there vouching for him, so he can't let anyone get in between them.

In order to achieve that, he has to stick close to Tav. Distance creates an opening that someone else could take and the minute someone else slides in, Astarion "knows" (i.e. believes) he's done for. So distancing himself is more dangerous than staying close to Tav, who may currently be miffed because he's attacked them.

Furthermore, Astarion is a master of minimsation. (Only where he is concearned, of course, he's all drama regarding everyone else.) And he's brilliant in blaming other people for things he does.

So instead of distancing himself, which could harm him more than it'd do good at this point, he's more likely to just shrug the whole thing off. He does so when he kills Tav while feeding and that was really entirely his fault, so in a situation like this? Where he can actually blame someone else, too??? Damn, that's easy pray for our pointy-toothed scoundrel. Time to down play the issue and turn up the sexy to make good old Tav forget he was a bad boy for a minute there!

I do agree, however, that being controlled like that is definitely difficult for Astarion because, as you said, it reminds him of how Cazador used him. The wounds are still extremely fresh at this point, to the point that even I as a social worker would hesitate to work on anything regarding that area of his life, because it could easily lead to a melt down. Sometimes people need to calm down and heal a bit before you can tackle specific topics in a good way, which is definitely the case here.

Regarding the last point: Difficult to say, to be honest, as I'm not 100% sure which time frame we're specifically looking at. If we're still around the same point in the story as before - the Nere part - I'd definitely say it's slightly too early for him to worry much about it. At this point he's only just getting more comfortable around Tav and it's still a while before anything close to a relationship happens. Right now, he wants to be free and he wants to be safe and that likely takes precedence.

The further we get in the story, the more likely it is that he'll have mixed feelings about bringing Tav anywhere near Cazador and his old "home". Facing down your abuser leaves you really vulnerable and, more importantly, there's a chance Tav might leave him after finding out about all of the things he's done. Of course he slowly learns to trust them, but I think we're all well aware that this will take time.

Before Tav, he was all alone for so so long. Nobody helped him, nobody stayed with him, nobody ever did anything for him. It will take a long time to unlearn that.

Puh, you said yours was long and here's me making it even longer! I'm sorry, duck, but I hope I answered all your questions! ♥

[missizzy]

Narrative Interlude: Faerunian Relationship Behavior(Shadowzel)

(Takes place in the universe of my first playthrough, right after the House of Grief.)

By the time Shadowheart walked back into the tavern, Sara and Gale had already headed upstairs, and Astarion was getting up to follow them. It was actually him who spotted her first, and turned to Lae'zel with a, "Your girlfriend's back. A word of friendly advice: you might want to go and pay attention to her." He then smirked as he left.

He had used that word already that day, as they'd been exiting the Sharran cloister. "And you didn't even introduce them to your new girlfriend," he commented, "they," of course, presumably being the parents Shadowheart had just been forced to kill. Lae'zel was fairly certain all three of Shadowheart, Sara, and herself had needed to resist the urge to smack him. None of them had said anything back to him at all. Lae'zel hadn't known how to respond. She thought Shadowheart probably hadn't either.

Nor did she entirely know what to do now. Which had more or less been her situation since the battle against the Sharrans. She was aware that everyone had been expecting her to offer some sort of comfort to her new lover, that this was the custom in relationships such as theirs in Faerun. And she herself very much wanted to help, to make Shadowheart feel better. But she had no idea how to do that.

Even now, it was Karlach who called out, "Oi! Shadowheart! Over here!" and waved at her until she came over. She nudged Wyll, who got up from where he was seated between her and Lae'zel. "Maybe take her hand? That might help," he murmured as he did so, before moving over the seat on her other side Sara had left vacant.

Shadowheart was close enough to see him do it, and she maybe smiled a bit as she sat down next to her lover. Lae'zel, hoping Wyll was right, put her hand out. Shadowheart looked at it for a second, then took it. Her hand was slightly cold, but Lae'zel still felt better, just having a hold on her. "How are you?" she asked, since that seemed a safe question, and also, she wanted to know.

She considered it for a moment, then said, "Well, I'm better than I was earlier this evening. I think I might finally know what I'm doing with myself, at least. That's a comfort."

"It certainly is, when you know that," Lae'zel said. She knew well how much easier her life had become, when she'd had the freeing of Orpheus to focus herself on.

"You are a good guy, now," Minsc told her, from across the table. "I think it must always feel better to be a good guy. I know you must feel terrible that you could not save your parents; that truly is very awful. But you may carry their name with pride for the rest of you life."

"Well, I'm keeping my current name," said Shadowheart. "I said that to Sara; I don't know if she's told you that. But maybe you're not entirely wrong."

"She told us that," said Jaheira. "She didn't tell us much more, but it's okay if you don't want to talk about it yet. Maybe you'll feel even more better after a drink?"

"Maybe just one," said Shadowheart. "I don't know how long I'll stay down here, but I'm afraid I won't be the liveliest of company."

"That's all right," Karlach assured her. "You do know we're all just glad to have you here, Shadowheart."

"You don't have to be anything more than here, as you are, for your friends now," Halsin added. "Those days are over for you."

They all of them knew what to say to her. Even Minsc. Although Wyll just went up to the bar to get her a drink, because he knew which one to get. He got her a mug of Baalor Ale, and when she appeared to enjoy it, Lae'zel noted the name of that drink. At least she might know to get it for her at some point in the future.

Neither of them talked much, as they sat there. They let the others do the talking. At one point Lakrissa came over, and told them a comic story about a pair of patrons she had dealt with that afternoon. Eventually Shadowheart let go of Lae'zel's hand to more easily hold her mug, though she tried to look reassuringly at her as she did so.

When she finished the ale, she said, "I think that's it for me. I'm going upstairs."

"Shall I come with you?" Lae'zel asked. "I have also drunk as much as I wish to drink, and been down here as long as I wish to be."

"Well, if that's true, then absolutely," Shadowheart replied, and she did look pleased.

Still, Lae'zel felt very awkward, and a bit anxious, as they started up the stairs. Surely there were words she was supposed to say here, but she didn't know what they were.

Although she could provide Shadowheart with some immediately practical information: "Sara has said she plans to go after Cazador tomorrow. She has likely just allowed Astarion to feed on her..." Then she drifted off, as they came up to the landing just in time to see Astarion come out of their suite, hastily wiping his mouth clean, and actually looking a bit embarrassed. "What has happened?" Lae'zel called to him.

"I'm afraid I might have just revealed to Gale that Halsin propositioned Sara," he sighed. "I honestly thought she would've told him by now. I suppose she was worried he'd be more inclined to blow himself up if he knew she had an alternative to him. I'm going back downstairs." He hastened past them and downwards.

Lae'zel and Shadowheart looked at each other. "Maybe I had better go restore her immediately," Shadowheart said, and Lae'zel followed her to the double doors.

They both stopped, however, when she first hear Gale's angry voice, then Sara's louder, firmer, "He never would have done that. He made that very clear to me. He just wanted to be an extra lover. I don't think that's at all an unusual thing amoung the druids. Not everyone sees these things the way city folk do. My own tribe had no notion at all about being 'exclusive.' Hells, during our early years together, Morton and I used to laugh with each other about our other sexual partners. Though we did have less of those as time went on."

"Is that really what you want?" Gale now sounded alarmed, as well as angry. "Call me selfish, or old-fashioned, but I cannot agree to that. We dedicate ourselves to one another. I will not have you otherwise."

"And I am perfectly capable of that!" Now Sara sounded angry, too. "I've had to do it for the other relationships I've been in, and I can assure you I was good and faithful in all three of them. I never even cheated on Jack, not even when I had doubts about whether he was faithful. It's you over everyone else for me, and I turned him down, and he accepted that and said he'd never bother me again about it, and I thought the matter could end there, so can't it?"

There was a brief silence then, before they heard Gale still sounding a little put out, but calmed down, sigh, "I suppose I do understand why you didn't tell me. I wish you had, though. I just, I don't...I don't know..."

Another pause, and then Sara, softly, "Gale, you do know it's all right if you're angry with me right now? It's even all right if you've got mixed feelings about me right now. Maybe you felt like you had to try to avoid that with Mystra, but in a relationship like ours? It's perfectly normal for that to happen sometimes."

"It's...I don't want to feel this way," he said, now just sounding frustrated. "Especially not after what happened to you today. I know you haven't been talking about it because things were far worse for Shadowheart, but what that bitch did to you, making you think you'd actually ceremorphized, that's one of the worst things anyone ever has done to you, isn't it? I shouldn't be another problem for you right now. How can you even...and you're just going to accept that?"

"As someone who was married for over a century? Let me assure you, this is hardly the most painful time I've had. I was in love with Adelie every single day I was married to her, but there were days we screamed at each other. Moments where I didn't want to look at her. We did everything we could to make up before the end of the day, but we didn't even have a perfect record there. You've made me happier than I've been in years, Gale. If I make you happy in the same way, it's worth it if we have to have a spat or two."

Gale's response was too soft for them to catch, as were Sara's next words. Then Shadowheart said, "Maybe it can wait until morning. Let's leave them to sort that out by themselves." She turned to head into the other room.

Lae'zel followed her, her mind completely preoccupied by all she'd just learned. She had already seen the level of devotion and investment lovers could make to each other here in Fearun, but she hadn't known they even could, let alone regularly did, have these kinds of complications as well.

It was, possibly, even more disturbing that the thought of Shadowheart causing her this kind of trouble did not at all change what she wanted when it came to her.

They found the room clean and the bed was made. Shadowheart sat down on it, and Lae'zel sat down next to her.

"I was hoping to tell my parents about you," Shadowheart said then. "Tried to figure out exactly how I'd do it, how much I'd say to explain you to them. It would've taken a lot. When, in the end, I only had minutes with them, there wasn't any way they would've understood."

"Then you would have only caused them further distress," said Lae'zel. "You made the better choice by not troubling them with it. If you think I would ever be offended by that, then know that I am not." It was hard for her to even think she should be offended by someone behaving with such basic sense, but she was getting the impression many a Faerunian would've been.

"And of course," Shadowheart continued, "I would've had to talk with you anyway, before I tried to tell them what you are to me, exactly." She stopped then, and looked away, as if that conversation now frightened her.

Lae'zel could guess why that was. "I do not know everything about what it means here," she said, "to be someone's 'lover,' or to be their 'girlfriend.' But I will say that with what details I have seen attached to both those terms so far, I actually do not think I would object at all to them, with regards to the two of us."

Shadowheart turned back towards her, and there was fear, and hope as well. "It's probably only going to be days, you know," she said. "Until we kill Gortash, and free your prince, and destroy the Netherbrain. And I know once that's all done, you'll want to rejoin your people, to be in the fight that's going to happen then. And I think I've got my own plans, now. They're not completely set in stone. I might not even mind going with you initially for a while, or joining you later for a while, or something like that. But I can't devote myself completely to your people's war."

Well, she had just received the warning, that getting involved with someone like this could cause pain. Lae'zel felt it, how it made her heart turn heavy, and angry with her lover, even though her head absolutely understood and respected Shadowheart' words. It was unsettling, to feel two parts of herself as odds with each other like that.

Assess the situation with a clear mind, and with clear facts, she told herself. "Do you have any notion by what you might mean by 'a while'?" she asked.

"Well..." It seemed she hadn't. "Enough time to help them fight, maybe. There'll be things I can do. Maybe even fight with you, a little bit. I really do want to help."

"Help must be welcomed," Lae'zel replied, because that much was easy to know. Then she thought about it, about what awaited her, the way she had a few times already. "But I have also been thinking, especially since I will likely have a child to raise very soon. I do not think I want them to spend them earliest years surrounded by nothing except battle. They will learn to fight, of course, and I will raise them to fight for our people. But I want them to see more than just that, to know more than just that, perhaps not unlike in the way I have known more than that in these pasts weeks and months.

"Any help you need, you can probably get from any of us," said Shadowheart. "If they're your kid, that means we all care about them. So you think maybe, yes, we can still see each other from time to time?"

"At the very least," said Lae'zel, and she wondered and how quickly her heart lightened to hear it. "And for the immediate future, at least, you will always be welcome in my arms, and in my bed, whenever we do. If you want to be there."

"I think I will," said Shadowheart. "I think I feel the same." And she kissed her then, a firm, deep kiss, one made more as a statement, than anything else. Another thing Lae'zel was newly learning to appreciate. "You know," she added, "I don't think I've ever been in a relationship like this either. Seeing what we saw in that cloister, it sure didn't look likely. So I hope you're not going to look to me to know what I'm doing."

"Then neither of us know," said Lae'zel. "But you seemed to more know what to say tonight. I still do not, really."

"Maybe, right now, could you just hold me?" Shadowheart asked. "I'm so lonely, and tired, right now, and I'm still finding it hard to believe...I'm still so angry about it..."

"I know," said Lae'zel, because of course she did. She pulled Shadowheart into her arms, and they lay down on the bed together. They might stay there, she thought, until the others came back upstairs, until Sara and Gale had hopefully gone to bed feeling better about each other. They had eaten much of the food they had plundered from the cloister that day before they'd gone down to the bar, but they'd saved some of the fruit for Shadowheart, so she would have to show her that.

"Also," Shadowheart said, "could you do me one favor? You know that book we found about me, in the dormitory?"

"You still have it with you?" Lae'zel asked.

"I do," she said, "but I don't think I want to read it, at least not for a while. Could you take it? Maybe even read some of it for me? At least if you ever feel ready to? It might be easier for me if someone else knew my history, could answer questions for me, but I won't want that either yet, so there's no hurry. Though if it ever becomes to much for you to read, you can tell me, and then neither of us need open it again if we don't want to."

"I will take that book," said Lae'zel, "and I will read it for you." That was something she could do for this woman she cared for so deeply, a way she could ease her burdens and help with her pain. It was knowledge she was grateful for, a new kind of knowledge for her, and a new kind of gratitude as well.

[ceeridwen99]

BG3 Companion Endings !!Rant!!

Hello there.

I...I just need to get some things off my chest, and this seems like as good of a place to do it as I will get.

So, exactly 100 hours of documented time into my campaign, and I'm about to start a fresh game because I don't want to finish act 3.

Let me explain. Also !!!!*SPOILERS*!!!!!

This may be a bit of an unpopular opinion, but the conclusions to a lot of the questlines, once we reach BG, are either unsatisfying or utter trash. My main gripe comes from the choices--or lack there fucking of--when it comes to the conclusion of certain companion questlines.

(Note: This is NOT a post about whatever companion ending one thinks is "good" vs "evil". I honestly don't give a shit about what endings people choose for their games. My issues come from the endings themselves.)

This stems from my main group setup, Shadowheart, Karlach, and, of course, Astarion (also my romance). I played a bard!Tav. It goes without saying that I love all the companions, even the ones that I didn't mainly use. They're all beautifully layered and I love that they are actually influenced by your playthrough...for the most part.

We'll get there in a moment.

My point is, after spending a good 100 hours with these characters, you end up caring a great deal about them. I really looked forward to seeing how their arcs were going to come to a head when we finally reached BG...

Act 1: Phenomenal.

Act 2: Fucking Fantastic.

Act 3: What the hell was that!

Never mind the complete and utter lack of pacing in the third act compared to the first two, what the hell are those questline endings?! I've never been so fucking disappointed and furious in my life. Again, this isn't a post about "good" vs "evil", but my irritation that NONE of the endings are good, or in my case, satisfying.

For a game that really stresses choices mattering (and for the most part they do to a certain point), it really suffers from Telltale syndrome in its final act, where none of the choices actually end up mattering, but in truth, you're pigeon-holed into two, and if you're lucky three endings.

Shadowheart's ending (in the Selune path) is either losing her parents but freeing her from Shar's control. Or gaining her parents but being tortured for the rest of her life. I don't even want to go into the Shar ending.

Karlach's ending is just fucking sad no matter which choice you make, and even the patched ending--supposedly giving us a better conclusion--is just bittersweet.

ASTARION'S FUCKING ENDING! Oh my god, his fucking ending is either selling his soul and the souls of seven thousand innocent people to not get a fucking sunburn. OR being banished back into the shadows and releasing seven thousand feral spawn into the world-- because yeah that sounds like a fucking good idea. Even if you don't release them, you have a choice between leaving them behind to rot or fucking killing them, but in this instance, their lives really would have been for nothing. By the end of this questline (and it is beautifully acted I'll give it that) I just sat there with a pit in my stomach feeling like I fucked up somehow no matter what ending I chose. To top it off, I learned that we don't even get any information at the end about how our choices affect the world after! What the hell!

Even Wyll's quest! Why the fuck an "I" of all people making this choice for him?! Where the fuck is the option to make him choose, or even ask him what he thinks/wants. In fact, where is the option to make anyone choose for themselves? Only Shadowheart (I found) really has one during her quest.

I find it really hard to believe that one could write such complex characters with strong, differing, opinions--so strong that they will leave the party if they dislike your actions too much--but then make them rely on the PC to make the most important decisions in their fucking lives. This is such fucking lazy writing and a cop-out. All of the conversations, all of the growth, really is just boiled down to "What do you as the player want for them?" *feral scream*

More than this, why the hell are there only two (maybe three at the max) options in the first place? You give us dozens of ways to resolve quests in acts 1 and 2, and yet, here is where you want to pull the "Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, everyone has to lose something to gain something in return" bullshit? What the hell, Larian!

Don't get me wrong. I'm a writer. I get that narrative. But not here. Not in a game like this. In a game like this, these "choices" feel like a slap in the face. This is DND, there are always more than two to three ways to solve something.

I know there are limitations. I know this doesn't have a DM who can make adjustments to the story on the fly to give an ending based purely on your choices. Even so, it is still highly disappointing (even more so for someone who plays DND and is a DM). I was so mad after these questline conclusions that it soured my playthrough. I don't want to finish this campaign because what's the point when I know the people I've spent 100 hours with, are going to get the short end of the stick no matter what I choose.

I went and looked at spoilers for the main story ending after this, and that just pissed me off more. Two or three endings and a piss-poor epilogue are what we get. Not even credit slides to let us know how our choices actually affected the world in the end. Why. Why. I don't even want to mention how dirty they did Astarion. That wasn't funny. Just fucking sad.

This game is overall a 10/10 for me when it comes to acts 1 and 2. It's fantastic. But Act 3 is a solid 2/10 for me, I'm sorry. There isn't enough content to fill the third act out either. I don't know if my game is bugged, but I can barely find any quests outside of what's picked up in Acts 1 and 2 and it's making running around the city seem aimless.

In conclusion, I'm mad and sad. At this point, I'm just going to replay acts 1 and 2 until this supposed Definitive Edition Larian is apparently good at putting out for their games irons out these inconsistencies, hopefully. (This post is just about companions, I also have many issues with the main story. *sigh*)

At least there is plenty of content in the first two acts to keep one busy, and even with 100 hours, I know I haven't seen everything. I'm also curious to know if my perspective of the third act will change with the Dark Urge, as I've heard good things about them being closer connected to the plot.

Who knows, we'll see.

Lol, this isn't how I expected to come back to this blog. If you've made it this far, thank you for listening to my rant.

Final disclaimer: Please remember this isn't about "good" vs "evil" endings. Also, if this is not at all how you felt, I'm glad you had a better experience than I did lol.

Alright, time to go write AU/homebrew fanfiction.

Stay tuned. ;)

[decks-writing-blog]

Use This Power for Good

Summary: Gordon discovers that upon dying, he comes back and everything resets, including other people who had died.

[A/N] I'm a sucker for video game protagonists having the power to reset via death. It's neat and full of good angst opportunities. Also when I played Half-Life for the first time I was fairly save-scummy to save as many scientists as I could so upon Youtube reccing me a video about just how many it's physically possible to save, I of course watched it (I missed a bunch in my playthrough). Which, combined with the first thing, is what inspired this fic.

Also, my first Half-Life fic, yay! I'm late to the party but that's okay. Such is the case with most of the fandoms I write for these days.

Content Warning for temporary Character Death. He also commits suicide to purposefully trigger one of these resets.

~

Upon stepping out of the destroyed test chamber and realizing just how bad things had gotten, Gordon had been pretty sure he wasn’t likely to live much longer. The military showing up to clear out the alien invasion and all who knew of it made death inevitable. The HEV suit had done a lot to keep him alive but it could only do so much. But hey, he’d made it further than he ever would’ve thought he might, if he’d been given the time to think about it anyway. Along the way he’d helped as many as he could. Hopefully a few of them would be able to get out… somehow.

Gordon shifted in a vain attempt to make himself more comfortable. All he accomplished was sending a fresh stab of pain through his side as more blood welled out between his fingers. It was pooling on the floor around him and smeared on the wall behind him, filling the air with its now familiar coppery smell. If it spread a little further it’d soon start mingling with the pool of blood leaking out of the solider that had snuck up on him while he’d barely manged to fumble his way into taking out the rest of their squad. They’d died for the effort – Gordon may have never killed anything before today but he had been taught how to use a gun – but the fatal blow had already been made.

Perhaps something profound could be said about their blood mingling in death whilst surrounded by more dead, both alien and human alike. Something about the fragility of life even amongst beings from another world. Or maybe about how violence and killing wasn’t just a human trait but that of all life, regardless of its origin. … Or maybe Gordon was just starting to grow delirious with blood loss.

The end couldn’t be far off. His extremities, gone cold were now growing numb. He couldn’t even properly feel the blood oozing from where he clutched his side, his grip weakening letting it flow even more freely. Not that he’d been able to staunch it particularly well anyway. If his attempt to do so slowed his demise, it hadn’t been by much.

Darkness pulled at him, eating at the edges of his vision, tempting him to close his eyes and fall asleep. He didn’t. Fighting was futile but he’d known that for a while now, far longer than he’d been sitting here waiting to bleed out for. He was going to keep breathing for a long as he possibly could if for no other reason than to spite the world for just that little bit longer because fuck it for trying to kill him so hard.

~

Gordon blinked. Before him was a familiar hallway, leading to a closed door. On the other side of which would be a military squad, waiting to ambush him. He shouldn’t know that but he’d already gone through that door and… hadn’t survived the encounter.

Shaking a little, he looked down at himself. He was holding his shotgun as he’d been upon first going into that room, down but ready to snap up and fire should the need arise. The HEV suit was a bit scratched up and dented in a few spots but it was intact, no glaring hole in the side from an almost point blank shotgun blast that also tore up his side bad enough to leave him to slowly bleed out. It was fully charged too, meaning it could likely take such a blow and leave him only a little bruised. A quick check with the suit revealed all his ammo wasn’t as depleted as it should’ve been either.

What the hell was going on? One moment he’d been bleeding out, struggling for each and every breath. But now he was hearty and healthy again, as if the last twenty or so minutes hadn’t happened. … A dream or hallucination perhaps? This was the single most stressful day of his life after all, surely such things weren’t too far out of the question. It had felt so real though, especially the pain. Surely such pain couldn’t have been a dream. What else could it have been though?

If he went through that door, would the military squad be there again? Would the fellow who’d killed him? Only one way to find out.

He crept forward and pressed his ear to the door. … Nothing for a while but then… low muttering and the shifting of heavy boots. The door muffled the words to the point he couldn’t understand them but someone was certainly on the other side. Multiple someones since the speaker was most likely talking to someone else.

Straightening, he reached up and pressed the button to bring the HEV’s helmet up before adjusting his grip on his shotgun and bursting into the room. Exactly as before he was met with three soldiers immediately. Last time, he’d been somewhat surprised and had had to scramble. This time he knew exactly where to go and wasted no time in doing so.

Two more soldiers were waiting for him there but he was ready for them this time. As he got into position, he lifted the shotgun and blasted the closer one in the face, making their head explode in a shower of gore. Kicking the body into the guy behind them gave the perfect opportunity to blow their head off too. He hadn’t gotten a good look at either of their faces in either instance he was here but they had been standing in about the same exact spot. No time to think about that now though.

In response to Gordon moving to cover, the next two soldiers moved to the same positions as before. And then, sealing the deal that his death hadn’t been a dream, while Gordon was looking at them, the third came up behind him, ready to try to blast through the suit with a point blank shot while he was busy taking out the others. Knowing it was coming, Gordon turned and fired before they could get that close. Another close range head shot. Effective, especially with how heavily armored the soldiers’ torsos were, but gosh were they horrific. But with that guy down, the last two weren’t too much of an issue to take out as well.

As the gunshot’s echoes petered out, he lifted a hand to lower his helmet, allowing him to see properly once more. These military guys all looked similar, especially with their heads blown off, so there was still technically room to doubt they were the same ones he’d killed before dying himself. But they’d been in the same spots and had tried the same tactics to kill him so that doubt was rather small, bolstered only by the impossibility of not just Gordon coming back to life but the soldiers too.

Then again, before staring to work at Black Mesa almost a handful of years ago now, there’d been plenty of other things Gordon had thought impossible that proved to not be. Perhaps direct exposure to the resonance cascade had done something to him, altered the way time affected him or dropped him in a parallel universe upon dying. Or something else he was too frazzled to consider right now.

It was fascinating whatever it was. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to be back in the lab, studying it. … Except well, testing it would likely involve him dying some more or just again, assuming it could only happen once. In which case he didn’t really want to test it after all. After he got out of here, he’d try to find a way to study it that didn’t involve dying… assuming he ever got out of here. He’d just learned the hard way that, no matter how many aliens, zombies, or military goons he killed, he was still a soft squishy animal protected only by a hazard suit that even as advanced as it was, was still far from infallible.

~

Three more accidental deaths sealed the deal that when he died, he came back a seemingly random amount of time before that death. As before, with his death, everyone and everything else who’d also died in that time came back too, ignorant of the revival. Annoying when it came to the beings responsible for his death – though it did make killing them again easier – but a great good for the scientist he managed to save as a result. Which sealed the deal on him using this power for good.

How long had he been in this state? Presumably since the resonance cascade. If only he’d known, there were so many he’d tried and failed to save. Too late now though, he’d just have to do whatever he could to save everyone else that he could. … Which would undoubtedly mean he’d have to eventually face the decision of killing himself to reset things. Not a thing he was looking forward so he could only hope it wouldn’t happen soon. But of course it did.

The scientist screamed as the giant worm-like alien burst through the window to impale him with its sharp beak like protrusion. He kept screaming, his voice gurgling and wet, as it dragged him across the floor and out the window. It finally stopped a few moments later, leaving Gordon in a heavy silence as he stared at the trail of blood, leading to the broken window.

He took a couple steps forward and peeked out. There were three of them and they were huge. Or perhaps it was just one being with multiple appendages. Even after the horror he’d just seen it commit, it was still awe-inspiring. Alien life was likely just a complex and varied as that of Earth’s. Biology wasn’t Gordon’s passion or expertise but he still had an interest in it, enough to make him wish studying these beings were an option. … Especially since that would mean they wouldn’t be killing people because now he had to make a choice.

Continue forward and if he happened to die and come back at time to allow him to save the fellow he’d just watched die horribly or kill himself now and save him for sure. Not a comfortable choice. He didn’t even know the guy, this wasn’t the part of Black Mesa he worked in. But if he had the the power to help, he was morally obligated to, right? He certainly would’ve if he’d known it was an option back when he failed to save people he did know.

With a heavy sigh, he pulled out back stepped to where the alien creature couldn’t easily reach him through the window. That had looked a painful way to die, he had no wish to experience it. Instead he pulled out his pistol and placed it to his the side of his head. It was cold against his flesh, held steady only by how firmly he pressed it there. It would be okay though, he’d already died and come back four times, a fifth wouldn’t be too bad and this should be a much quicker death, maybe even painless. He would never be able live with himself if he had the power to prevent people’s death but refused because he was frightened.

If he had to do it though, it’d be really damn nice if he could send himself all the way back to the start though. Even if that meant restarting this whole nightmare, it’d be worth it. But even if he hadn’t known of his power then, he did now, meaning he had to use it. So after taking a deep breath, he held it for a few seconds before pulling the trigger.

~

Sirens blared as lights flashed and sparked around him, making him feel dizzy and unwell. Pushing himself up and the back to his feet, he looked around. … He was in the test chamber again, right after all everything had gone wrong. Seems, his thought of wanting to go back had somehow brought him back here; he had some control over whatever this was.

A good thing, this was what he’d wanted. But also… he’d made it so far. Now he had to do all that again. Lying down for a nap first would’ve been great but he didn’t have time. Lives were at stack and depending on him. Also, he was bound to learn more about this power of his along the way. That was going to be interesting, though likely unpleasant as well, to say the least. So he squared his shoulders, shook himself off as best he could and marched out to begin the nightmare again. This time, he was going to save everyone he possibly could, even if that meant dying a dozen more times.

[sullustangin]

SWTOR 7.3 Feedback

Non-spoilery stuff first

No technical glitches that I experienced on two playthroughs on Pubside.  Minus one or two moments with Odessen NPCs wandering around, nothing broke the game or immersion.  All the quests worked for credit; I had the weekly for Ruhnuk not work the time round, so this was nice. 

I am aware that there are some financial changes they’re trying to patch back.  Basically, too much is being charged between trades with other players directly and when mailing to alts.  Also!  There is now a 30-day cooldown period between joining a guild and being able to access the guild bank. So get those alts in sooner rather than later, especially if you plan on raiding/doing group stuff with them.

On the Gunslingers and Snipers you now have a 2% per 3 seconds passive heal while in cover  -- level 64 option.  This is a big deal for survivability for these two classes.  I ran dailies and set my companion to DPS.  I had to pause and heal the comp after combat, not myself.   No more glass cannon, but this might be nerfed soon, since it’s a little op.  I’m going to have fun with it while I can.

If you love the Mantellian Privateer or Mira’s Armor from KOTOR II but can’t afford either on Cartel Market, good news:  the Mira set from Bounty Association (the event that comes around every 1-2 months) is now unlockable in collections.  So if you have a Mando char that goes hard on Bounty week, you now have a new cert sink + unlock with Cartel Points for the whole account.  There are some subtle differences in the outfits for the discerning Space Barbie player.

The Date Nights don’t happen in this patch; I would guess it will probably be activated during Night Life in July. Speculation on my part, though

Non-Spoilery Plot Stuff:  A lot of characters that we had the previous option to kill are present in this patch.  This really gives me hope for future content; I previously complained that Bioware was writing to the deadest version of the game (where they assume everyone is dead and only work with Lana).  We got A LOT of coverage with ‘optional’ characters, so this does give me hope for the future writing: assume everyone is alive, and some people get less content.  I’ll talk about what that means later for this patch.

Onward to spoilery stuff.

Torian does get an Alliance alert, which his ba’vodu Eva answered; this is unromanced I feel good about the Torian piece I just reblogged, because it seems consistent with what we see here.  Torian thought the drama over his father was over, the shame was done, the name redeemed -- and there is all is, resurrected from the dead.  Even more content with our neighborhood Mando really does make me want equivalent content with Vette; given that (shitty) decision was almost 7 years ago now and we JUST got a storyline with payoff for that choice, Vette needs some love now, romantic or platonic, beyond Date Night. 

The only downside to letting Torian live at the moment, especially if you’re a smug or bh, is that you lose quality screen time with Akaavi Spar on Ruhnuk. She comes to your rescue in the final fight.  I also feel as if this scene should have been back with the 6.2 content drop, when the banner is first stolen, but it does work here as well, with the burning of it compounding all of Torian’s feelings about his history. 

While Eva does hate that burnt tater thot, the content for Arcann was really good.  I actively wonder if they are pulling things from the aborted third KotXX expansion.  THIS is the character development many of us wanted to see before romancing him: we wanted to see the realization of what he’d done, the desire to fix things, the acknowledgement it may never be enough for some people.  Ding Ding Ding!  I did view both versions of the Darth Nul investigation -- I killed him on DS Eva and let him live on my sunshine and Rainbows LS smug Dyo -- and the version with Arcann in it is so much better.  You also get an additional scene with him; romanced folks get a hug! 

Like the Torian scene, this Arcann development probably should have been earlier in the plotline, but WAAAAY earlier -- like 6+ years.  I think before the romance trigger, most definitely, but at least by the time of Nathema, especially if the Commander takes any of his advice to heart regarding Theron.  I think this falls to fan fic writers to fix, in terms of char dev. 

As I mentioned above, both of these guys are killable.  And they got some great content this patch.  The story feels better with both of them in it. 

As for our dynamic duo, Lana and Theron do show up and play a vocal role with Shae in regard to the interrogation of Malgus.  Theron does get to call Shae out on her working with Malgus to sack Coruscant 2x years ago (I have no idea what year we’re in since COVID screwed everything up).  We also get wonderfully protective partners in Lana and Theron.  Theron makes a comment that the work among other “benefits” keep him young if you’ve romanced him -- poor Lana.  There is noticeable smoldering going on between him and the romanced PC.  Theron does provide significant dialogue content and reaction shots, even though he’s killable.  And of course you get a Theron letter, which alludes to Date Night.  In sum, I don’t think Theron was at all side-lined compared to Lana.

The one weak part of all this is the tenuous connection between the Voss and Malgus’s plans.  In part, it’s becacuse Sana Rae had to be on Voss and decided to kill a few birds with one stone (or one Commander).   It boils down to a vision in which the PC saves the galaxy again.  We do get the tidbit that if we outright kill Malgus, things happen faster, but ‘things’ are ‘inevitable.’  Some of the ‘mundane’ quests verge on the ridiculous, but Star Wars always stomps on character hubris when it can. 

Did I enjoy going back to Voss?  Yup.  Did it make sense, given the nature of the Arcann content?  Yup; if you didn’t spare Arcann, this feels more contrived than if you did, in my opinion.  If I recall correctly, Voss was supposed to be visited in an earlier expansion but that was also canned. 

The transition from Bioware to Broadsword may be bringing old things back to life to ‘finish’ the game -- or start a new beginning.  I remain optimistic.  I will say that the old story of Voss and the new story post Eternal Empire does spin together well.

Good patch, in my opinion, minus the issues with the economic system that are ongoing.

[daybreakrising]

okay quick little post with my thoughts on the update. i'm gonna have to go and watch a playthrough at some point bc i zipped through it at 3am and probably missed some stuff in the process bc my brain is Shit but-

i am so very, very intrigued by the yaoqing trio for a number of reasons & i absolutely believe there's some ulterior motives going on as to why j.iaoqiu and m.oze were sent down to the shackling prison beyond "hey we want this mortal enemy of our people under our watch kthanks". i feel like we got a glimpse of one of them with j.iaoqiu already so i'm looking forward to seeing how that plays out. and sending m.oze away in the midst of the fight? yeah, highly sus. they have a plan for sure.

also absolutely love the dynamic between the two of them. i want to sink my teeth into their background so bad. they're clearly highly aware of each other's capabilities and i've touched on this already in dms but like....... i believe m.oze was being truthful when he gave his practical answer of 'no point getting myself killed trying to save him' to j.iaoqiu's capture, but also... he doesn't need to save him. he knows what j.iaoqiu can do. (he's also probably exactly where he wants to be - just a theory, we'll see how it pans out eventually i guess)

some slight negatives based on what we've seen so far:

not enamoured by all of the new characters, which isn't necessarily anything to do with the characters themselves but the writing. y.anqing, the prodigy, getting stamped on again? that's getting real old, hyv. i'm hoping that will be redeemed later but i don't have high hopes for it. i just want to see a glimpse of this prodigy he's supposed to be without him going up against insanely powerful people who are basically playing with him, if anything. let me see what he can actually do on a more level playing field. i'm sure that's what they're trying to do with this weird little rivalry thing with y.unli but it already feels skewed against him from the start and i... hate that.

and the insulting dismissal of everything that happened to the high cloud quintent by saying they "went their separate ways" ????? what the actual fuck ???? now i might be biased bc i love the HQC, but. come on. no, no. a group of people who choose to disband to seek new paths - that is "going separate ways". not a group that is viciously torn to pieces by grief and death and suffering. fuck that one general in particular.

that aside, intriguing plot so far. i love the new enemies (look, i'm a sucker for anything wolf-adjacent), and i'm hoping that bc she's been named specifically a few times, we'll get to see j.ingliu again. please, hyv, please don't disappoint me on that.

and bc i care so very little for march (and find her voice incredibly grating, no hate to the va ofc), i was spam-tapping through all the dialoguue of her swordplay event (except for the bit involving j.iaoqiu bc... well, i'm biased) so i may have missed any lore that might have been dropped in there, but i also found the whole "teach march swordplay" thing very boring in general >_> so i may have to look that up again

i'm reserving full judgement on any of the characters until this little interlude chapter is complete and we've seen everything we're gonna get, but so far i'm fairly neutral on most of them. l.ingsha does seem interesting, i will say, but we've not had enough of her yet to form a proper opinion.

[tatjana-fantasy]

(Part 6)

I finished my replay of The Quarry! Some thoughts (Chapter 10 + Epilogue):

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Max looks freaking great in Emma’s Laura's clothes <3

Also, the game did him so dirty. Not only is his playable segment insultingly short and contains only one linear choice, it may not even occur at all! Because of this, I personally treat him as a prologue character – technically playable, but not someone you would mention when talking about the amount of playable characters.

I miss Dylan :-(

Damn, Jacob turning into a werewolf while being completely alone is so depressing D:

Even though my Kaitlyn is infected, I was a little scared during the lodge showdown because I kept thinking about how she died in my first playthrough (I missed the shot with Caleb T__T)

The lodge finale in itself is pretty good. I like how replayable it is and I especially like how previous choices you made throughout the game can change its outcome :)

Huh, it was surprisingly easy to prevent the car from crashing! In my memory, it was a lot harder, maybe because of how rarely I played this path XD

I always give the vial to Ryan :) The “Ryan appreciates your sacrifice” is just way too heartwarming to be missed ^_^

I’m glad the game tried to humanize Silas at the end, but I really wish there was some way to spare him without killing everyone else :-(

Because I knew what to expect, the montage was not that bad this time, but it’s obviously not a replacement for a satisfying conclusion. It’s useful for Let’s Plays, but not for much else.

I actually like Grace’s and Anton’s dynamic and the fact that the evidence is actually important … but once again, it’s not a satisfying conclusion and it would’ve been much more powerful if we got to see the protagonists reunited/arrested/acquitted/etc. But since we don’t, you kinda wonder what the whole point was :-/

Not to mention, the entire podcast is so long. I always get tired when listening to it, it’s just so hard to pay attention. But I do want to mention one thing: I believe that we, the players, sent the evidence to them. Since it arrives even if every single character is dead, and since we are treated as a real character by Eliza, I think this meta explanation is quite probable :)

So, this is it, my replay of The Quarry! Overall, I did like it more than on my first few playthroughs, where I felt very underwhelmed by it. My biggest issues are the Chapter 7 flashback and the lack of an ending, but this replay thankfully reminded me that the game has plenty of good things, too :)

Thanks to everyone who followed my little journey! Enjoy the montage~ (And yes, of course I plan a replay where I save as many characters as possible :D)

[kyluxtrashpit]

So, as some of you may know, I've been playing bg3 for a while and @nivaliente gave my an insane idea that has not left me alone and thus is happening now lmao (and I've already started the play through 😅). For those unfamiliar with the character creator, the face options are very limited so this was genuinely the best I could do. His hair also covers his scar, thus the bald pic, but it is what it is. And I’ve lost my mind, so I’m kinda alternating between my Durge and him cause why not

Here's my ruleset for this playthrough (behind a cut cause it got a bit long lmao):

The concept is we're just going to take him right from star wars canon, post-TFA, to somehow ending up on the nautiloid (so like. Idk maybe after being rescued off Starkiller he took a shuttle ahead to Snoke and it got waylaid). So he knows nothing about anything (as far as the game allows at least) and we're using post-TFA characterization, so he's in his peak 'doubts and instability' era

He’s a paladin with oath of the ancients to represent the jedi but I broke the oath as soon as I could (that made sense), so he's an oathbreaker, since you can't start as that

We're also doing Tav, not Durge, even though Durge suits him a lot, simply because I want to stick with my 'literally straight from canon' background

DREAM GUARDIAN OG REN

We're also going to pretend he can't see the map/nav points cause my boy would just run from main objective to main objective and do 0 side objectives, which would be a Problem levelling wise lmao. I still expect him to refuse to get involved with some (okay, probably a lot of) things, but I need him to encounter as much as possible if we don't want to be insanely underlevelled the whole time and make it impossible for bad-at-strategy-games me to get through the game lmao

I'm not planning any of my decisions with him, because Kylo would never plan out his decisions lmao. We're doing largely just raw rp based on what dialogue I think makes the most sense for him (regardless of consequences 😅). That also means that all decisions will be based on what he knows and discovers and figures out about possible ways to resolve a situation. So if I know something he hasn't found out, I will not use that knowledge to help him. I expect this will lead to some Non-Ideal situations (though who knows, maybe it'll help him in some ways lmao)

This also means that if I know he would want x to happen, but the thing he would say would lead to y happening, I will let him fumble into that. Kylo's entire life story is about doing things that never had a chance of resulting in what he actually wants to happen so. It's really the most in character I could be lmao

The exception to this will be in cases like. Where he would want to kill an NPC but there's no 'attack' dialogue unless you take this one specific route that doesn't match what I think he would say, simply because I don't want to glitch anything by killing those NPCs out of combat. So there will be an occasional fudge there

And with the dialogues, we’re gonna pick the closest in vibes, cause even early on there’s a lot of times where I’m like ‘well I don’t think he’d say any of these things’ so. We’re going with what we’ve got and that’s the best we can do

I'm also not going to do anything that's like 'well Kylo is a villain, so we'll just click all the evil options'. We're picking what I think he would actually do, or as close as I can get at least, with no regard for what the outcome will be in terms of either my or his preferences

I'm not planning any romances, but if one just Happens, well, we'll go from there (I do headcanon Kylo as gay though, so male options only, he will turn down the women if/when they offer)

I am gonna try not save scum so much (keyword being ‘try’ lmao) just to kinda make it more realistic but I’ll still probably do it sometimes

The one thing I am gonna do that's technically ooc is, if he does fight the goblins (I'm kinda expecting him to, he's gonna fight everyone lbr - boy is not the alliance making kind of person), I will at least try to spare Minthara (I didn't get a chance to on my first run and on my second run, I'm not at Moonrise yet so I don't actually know if I did it right). This isn't because Kylo would, this is because I'm very worried about how many companions we're gonna have near the end of the game lmao. I am expecting to lose at least a few 😅 So we're just gonna pretend that she managed to survive a seemingly fatal blow, something that happens in star wars literally all the time anyway

Also I’m kinda breaking characterization to recruit most of the companions in the first place, given Kylo isn’t much of a ‘well let’s buddy up’ kind of person so. Instead of like ‘good luck with that, I don’t need any company’ we will largely make/accept offers to buddy up cause otherwise we would be playing this game entirely with hirelings and that’s no fun lmao. He's also not really the type to chat away with them either, but we need some interactions here to make anything happen so. Gotta fudge some things for the sake of an interesting playthrough

I am including some of my personal headcanons into his characterization, like I see him being the type to prefer animals to people, so indiscriminate animal violence is something I don't agree with him doing (yay, Scratch is gonna be okay!). Self-defence only. I also think that while he doesn’t necessarily like children, he doesn’t like to see bad things happen to them (especially if those things remind him at all of things that happened to him)

And I think that pretty much covers it? Idk how many people would be interested in hearing about his adventures, as idk how many on this side of my internet activities have played, but I might post a bit depending on how things go. I am expecting a wildly chaotic neutral sequence of events skdskdsl

[ageless-aislynn]

First off, I'm ashamed to admit I was too startled when I got the flirt option to actually click it, lol! I kicked myself immediately because I really wanted to know what they'd both say! And then, d'oh, of course, I remembered that Youtube exists and went looking for this!

I'm actually surprised at his response, I thought he'd laugh his head off at Sara or something but daaaaaang, Drack, what was that octave drop when he said "property damage?" 👀🤔😂

I love Drack, I just didn't expect to get the option to, you know, loooooove Drack, lol! 😂

I'm staying strong for Jaal, though, and YAY, we finally got a hug and he invited me to meet his mother, so PROGRESS. It's almost romancing time!

Jaal's ready to get his flirt on, yep. *nodnods* 😂

I'm nearly 90 hours in now and have done almost all of the side-quests so far. The hardest ones are the ones without any waypoints or indicators to let you know where to find a series of data pads or whatever. But I've decided to try to get all of them since I'm this close! Here's the benefit of doing lots of side-quests:

All my current worlds hit 100% pretty quickly, yay! My plan has been to established forward stations as soon as I move into a new area (since the weather or conditions are inevitably trying to kill you, so having a forward station to retreat to is very helpful) and to get the Remnant vaults working as soon as I can. *points to the part where the planet is inevitably trying to kill you* Then I work on the missions, tasks and quests without worrying that I'm going to freeze, burn or be fried by radiation. 😱😎👍

I've made good time on things, I think. Mainly because of my "prioritizing forward stations and vaults" strategy and just that I've gotten better at driving the NOMAD (I only had Cora scream, "RYDER, LOOK OUT!" one time -- and, to be fair, I was accidentally driving us off a cliff to our deaths on the asteroid with low gravity but hey, it was just ONE TIME *proud* 🤣😎👍). I've found a good load-out for my gear that suits my style as well: a Kett nightstick-looking thing for my melee weapon and a Widow sniper rifle and Hesh shotgun to give me power at both distance and up-close.

Vetra is my ride-or-die, I always bring her no matter what the mission, and Drack is excellent when you need a heavy hitter (don't fight one of those frigging ginormous Architects without your one-Krogan army!). I've got everybody as upgraded as possible so Cora is great at reviving everybody's shields, which has proved really helpful. And then I bring Jaal if I don't need heavy hitting or shield regenerating because, honestly, I think he gets a bit of cabin fever being left on the Tempest too long, lol! I love how he complains that he hates Kadara but if you keep finding him there and talking to him, Sara eventually will ask why he doesn't just stay on the ship and he pauses before saying that he's afraid he'll miss out on something. I love that he first appears to be this hulking alien warrior dude and then you start realizing he's actually very insecure about a lot of things. It's refreshing, honestly. 😍

Of course, now that I see Drack as a love interest option, I may have to change my playthrough plan...

*gigglesnort* Okay, so I know that he's not a romance option, but I do think it's way too much fun to get the option to flirt with him!

I really embarrassed myself in that barfight, BTW. I'd let Sara egg that dude on but I wasn't expecting a DODGE prompt to pop up and didn't have my hand on the controller so Sara got totally sucker punched. 😱 I reloaded a save point and redid that section because I couldn't let Drack down like that. You could tell he was so disappointed in me! 😐😉

Annnd that's my Mass Effect: Andromeda update of updateyness for today! 💃😁👍

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Grind

No, not the employment-related one. I mean the grind that seems to come standard with so many video games these days. Because apparently the employment-related one isn’t enough for people.

When I first played Dragon Age: Inquisition, I was trying to do it spoiler-free, and ended up flailing so very hard that I missed out on a lot of stuff. Some people I needed to talk to didn’t get talked to, some side quests didn’t even trigger... Let’s just say it’s a really good thing that the Trespasser DLC wasn’t out at that point because I entirely missed Bull’s loyalty quest the first time through. (Though I am still annoyed that they sold us the actual ending as DLC later; so tired of shit like Legacy and Trespasser ripping out stuff we really need to understand future games and then selling it back to us for more money. It’s one thing when a game comes out in chapters; at least you know you’re buying the next installment when it’s chapters. But of course they’re not going to tell us, “Oh, by the way, we’re not giving you the real ending until you pay us more, and there’s a whole bunch of stuff you might need to know about for the next game to make any sense that you can only get if you pay us even more.” It’s ... kind of disgusting.)

Anyway. Point is that when I first started playing Inquisition on the very first run, I had no idea exactly how completionist you had to be to get the entire story. I didn’t realise how much I’d missed until I played a second playthrough with spoilers and walk-throughs and all manner of other shit. I don’t think that should be necessary, y’know? I don’t think you should have to go through the Wiki or be a completionist of the highest order just to get through a game, and I sure as hell don’t think you should have to hack through ninety-eight thousand miles of sweet fuck all in order to get through everything. And yet, that’s exactly what you have to do most of the time in Inquisition. A friend of mine put it best - I like the game that’s buried under the busywork. It just means I have to really be in the mood for the busywork before I can pick up a playthrough again, so it generally takes months to finish one, because I set it aside for weeks on end until I feel like pushing through.

Suffice to say that I finally finished most of a playthrough with an elven mage, something I haven’t really done since my nearly abortive first spoiler-free playthrough when it first came out. In that one, I didn’t get half the loyalty missions done, I never locked in the romance with Cullen I was after (which I think meant I was one of the first in my Tumblr circle to discover that Josephine turns up to offer a friendly shoulder if your Inquisitor’s single during that whole thing in the Winter Palace) ... and Trespasser wasn’t even a thing at that point. I’ve finished Jaws of Hakkon and Descent (I always do that before endgame, even if I don’t want to bring Solas, because I like being heavily overlevelled when I kick Corypheus’ ass - I KILLED HIM ONCE AS HAWKE AND REALLY RESENT HAVING TO DO IT AGAIN; FUCK’S SAKE, COULD WE PLEASE HAVE FINAL BOSSES STAY DEAD?!? DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE END OF ABSOLUTION), and I’ve only got Trespasser to go. I don’t know what the Fade sections of that look like for an elven Inquisitor ... and I hear rumours about a Cullen wedding before everything goes to the “Dead Qunari” place. I loved the Sera wedding, and I will admit to loving the whole thing where, at the end of the main game, the advisors bow and then Cullen is, “Okay, don’t care if we’re supposed to be dignified and official, I AM HUGGING YOU NOW”, so I’m looking forward to the culmination of that ... even as I hope he’s still surrounded by mabari puppies. (I may dislike Greg Ellis immensely, but I’m not taking that out on a very well-written character who Ellis just happens to voice.)

Honestly, I am still of the opinion that Dragon Age 2 should have been the open world free-for-all and Inquisition should have had a similar (if at least slightly less copy/pasted) structure to Dragon Age 2. I would have been happy to traverse ninety-eight thousand miles of sweet fuck all with Hawke because frankly that’s what Hawke was about, particularly in the first act - trying desperately to make ends meet in Kirkwall as a refugee. Hawke’s story was a sprawling thing where they ended up in the right (or wrong) place at the right (or wrong) time to be pivotal to changing the world, and wandering around doing random grindy shit is part of that. Whereas an Inquisitor should be getting letters at all hours telling them to go to a rather less huge area to fix a thing. Isn’t it funny how, while Dragon Age 2 was the rushed game of the two, Inquisition is the one that leaves you spending a lot of time poking through the turnip and wondering where the meat is, and being told you can’t  have your dessert until you eat at least most of said turnip? DA2 just has the higher story-to-faff ratio, when it feels like that should have gone the other way.

I have hopes for DA4. (No, I am not calling it that idiotic name; Dread Wolf is two words anyway.) I don’t know how high they are, but I have them. There’s the meat of a good game in the stew that is Inquisition, once you get through the turnip. I just hope they fix the story-to-faff ratio in DA4, is all.

[aquadestinyswriting]

More Baldur's Gate 3 Stuff

Putting this whole thing under a cut because, potential spoilers.

So an update on the BG3 playthrough. I finally managed to get Astarion to not pout every time I stop to help someone, and I knew he wouldn't be able to resist the beard :p. Finally managed to nab him after I saved Halsin and ruined the goblins' day entirely. The night after the party ended was very pleasant, thank you (and omg, Larian 0-0. My biromantic greysexual ass was severely beat by that romance scene).

That's the only picture you're getting from that scene because it's the only reasonably sfw one I have and I was too caught up in the moment to screenshot much more.

I did find Karlach on my way to the goblin camp, and the look on Merri's face when I did... well I'll let the screenshot speak for itself

"I need you to lift me into those big burly arms to snuggle into your chest now please. No I don't mind being half burnt to death."

There was one very unexpected development though. Apparently Lae'zel also totally has the hots for this short, stout woman with, supposedly, too much facial hair. To the point where... y'know, this happens.

Again, Larian, my biromantic greysexual ass cannot take this! Once you get past the exterior though, Lae'zel's actually really quite sweet. She just needs someone to put her in her place occasionally, which Merri is quite happy to oblige to.

Also! Doggo!

Best boy in Video games, don't @ me.

When I finally got around to remembering to change Shadowheart's class to something that wasn't cleric and brought her into the party.... this happened

Girls! Girls! Get a room and then tell me where it is so I can join you later, k? We absolutely don't need the fellas ogling this. Oh, you're actually trying to kill each other? *sighs and almost literally knocks their heads together* Kiss and make up! Now!

On the plus side, the night after that, this happened

I think I made some of my neighbours think there was an alarm going off with the squee I let out the minute this cutscene happened. Butbut! Owlbear cub! He finally found his way to us! Now I get to give double the scritches!

Sadly, the following morning, this asshole showed up when we went to go and find the Githyanki creche for Lae'zel

What part of Lawful Good Cleric of Moradin have you been completely ignoring, my guy? (Let's agree to ignore that I'm getting into bed with and feeding a literal vampire, please) Get the fuck out of here before I learn how to Flamestrike your ass into oblivion three levels too early.

Bonus picture because this screenshot is a mood:

What the fuck, Astarion? You know animals are terrified of you. No you may not snack on the cute, fuzzy cub! Go back to bed! No! No blood for you tonight! Bad Vampire Spawn!

[embraceyourdestiny]

I don't blame Laura myself (she's one of my favorites, after all), I was giving my perception of how it was to Travis. And Travis, "You said no more killing, ma," Hackett isn't likely to stab someone without feeling like they deserve it.

While he might initially view her as young, by trying to (from his perspective) take his life so that she can harm his family, she likely became an adult in his eyes. "Legal adult" is internet terminology in that context, but the core concept of someone old enough to be responsible for their actions is everywhere. Chances are, the Hacketts set the age of responsibility significantly below average in his case, so the number is more malleable in his mind.

Communicating clearly could have avoided a lot of trouble, but can be physically difficult if you grew up having your words used against you and/or dismissed. Travis goes into conversations assuming the person is going to ignore or weaponize everything he says. Obfuscating is safer for him, because he is less likely to be punished for "bad reasoning" and he expects them to do what they want regardless of his concerns. He told Laura about the white wolf, and she decided to kill his brother instead of helping him end the problem at its source and save his family along with her boyfriend, which only confirms to him that honest communication is dangerous.

While the game warns us that he will kill Laura because she shot him, we don't know that he would have done so if she had left his family alone. I.e. if she took a car and tried to put as much distance between herself and North Kill. In that situation, he may have let her live if he caught her, but approached her as a fugitive who deserves to rot in jail. I personally see Kaylee's death as his breaking point, not being shot.

She was his proof that people can be good. If Laura chooses not to hurt him, then she is her own proof. Kaylee may be gone, but he still has hope that humanity is able to be better than what he knows. Without a light to turn to, he succumbs to the darkness he was raised with because being "better" is pointless if all it does is get you hurt.

I don't think he was a "good guy", or making the right choices, I just can understand his perspective.

(Thanks for chatting!)

Here a more in-depth reply continuing a similar conversation with another person

I don’t really have much to say to this because I feel like I covered this in the other post but I will say a lot of the thoughts you bring up are mostly inferences / assumptions / hypotheticals and not anything founded by canon (like the assumption of ‘good communication and consequence’, unless you have evidence which id love to see, or if Laura found a car) so I don’t really wanna touch that because it’s gonna turn into semantics about things that aren’t canon so imo i don’t wanna talk about that when I’m specifically talking about what happens/ can happen, (if you wanna analyze / character study Travis in my inbox tho, go right ahead!) so I hope you’ll understand where I’m coming from with that. Cuz if we wanted to get into the nitty gritty of character motivation and our assumptions and such we absolutely can but that is an entirely separate conversation than the one I was having originally, where the point was that in that specific playthrough the math isn’t mathing for Travis to me. Like I said, feelings are justified, but his actions? Personally, I think no. Because Travis is forgetting Laura is still a victim. He’s a victim too, in some regards, but when it comes to her and max he’s literally their capturer and he WOULD go to jail if anyone found out (and if our system was just 🙃)

Oh and in case you don’t read the other post, the biggest thing is that he kills human Laura after the curse is broken. Werewolf Laura ofc makes sense for various reasons, but killing Laura after everything is over? It’s just petty lmao like idk I have a real shit family life and know how easy it is to get involved in family bullshit but he didn’t see Laura as an innocent because she… angered him? Escaped? I guess you can say she “foiled the plan” but still, is that enough to be determined to murder someone that you stab them multiple times with a broken mirror, and then try to kill another person there who was also a victim?? Maybe something deeper is being hinted at though. The animalistic nature. Because Travis definitely looks crazed when he charges for Ryan. Maybe he metaphorically had a wolf in him the whole time. Who knows.