#getting sick just thinking about it
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consider sending me $10 before adding an unnecessary comment on my post
#deity dialogue#didn’t even have any tags other than my talk tag on here before#but jfc I should be allowed to charge people per ever annoying unnecessary comment where people take this post way too personally#I’ve decided that if you get big mad because of this post then it is actually specifically about you#this post is about every morning person or person in general who thinks they have to leave a comment#defending morning people or failing to grasp the concept of ‘some people have different sleep schedules for various fucking reasons and#deserve sleep just as much as people who’s whole personality is ‘I woke up at 6am’ :)’#sorry I’m sooo sick of when these kinds of posts get attention because yall are so annoying <3#send me money or shut up.
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i really cant wait to get to the smut in ch 7 because im going to make it so soft and sweet that its sickening and i really need that right now
#Im at the scene right before it and its so difficult bc i dont want to rush it but at the same time i watn to WRITE THE SMUT#eren is just so in love and obsessed he’d spent his entire life up to that point wanting to have you and when he finally get what he wants#its like a dam breaks and its rough and sloppy and unpracticed but god is it so intimate and loving#getting sick just thinking about it#i am unwell#day 205 without sex. seeing the light#yes that is an accurate number
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
#this is objectively bad advice#don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this#but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries#.... it IS fun#i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him.#bc i used to get SO fucking upset#i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it#and now i just LITERALLY do not engage#instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation#i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection#they like the rush they get from arguing#but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me#so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru#NORMAL CONVERSATION#he doesn't get it yet#i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?''#'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''
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AU based off Nature except I kept thinking about it too hard. Dales not a good dad, but its such an easy problem for him to throw money at, and what do you do when a part is damaged? Well, you replace it.
Basically an AU where Dev gets to experience medical trauma and realizes much sooner how much his dad doesn't love him
#I have IDEASSSS#but only if people are interested#fop#fairly oddparents#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#fop dev#fop dale#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop a new wish#fop nature au#moral orel nature#hurt no comfort#blood#child abuse#child neglect#medical trauma#implied gun violence#Dev only gets a week or two off school because his dad doesn't want people to think anythings wrong#Dale doesn't care thattt much about public optics but people knowing you permanently disabled your son is absolutely not good for business#Dev hates the leg and keeps it as hidden as possible#as far as anyone else knows he just took a week long vacation and came back lazier and crabbier than ever#Dale did it out of his own sick kind of love but to Dev its just a reminder of how replaceable his dad sees him.#just the same as any other of his machines#The doodle in the corner is Dev coming into his own a bit more. He stops trying to look like his dad#Did you know Dev and Dale have naturally curly hair?? They just hair gel it to all hell#I think in this timeline Hazel shows up pretty soon after he returns to school so the accident is pretty fresh#art#digital art#fanart
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i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen
#ramble#this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally#context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now#i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it#i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed#and also i don't want to like. jinx it#i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something
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thinking about sten again. thinking about him calling the warden kadan and never explaining what it means. thinking about him offering to take the warden back with him to par vollen, but it's never actually an option the warden takes, even if you agree. thinking about how sten responds the best to a warden who stands their ground even if he doesn't agree with them. thinking about how he loves sweets and art, and how he plays with kittens. "it's training," he says. but come on. he's playing. thinking about what else he's had to justify to himself for liking.
and he calls alistair kadan! shale as well! do you think it was ever extended to the other party members? just,, agh
#dao#dragon age#dragon age origins#sten#sten of the beresaad#clearly having a normal one#also leliana and sten is such an underrated friendship. i do think it'd be kind of difficult for them to get along at first m#(leliana being so devout and sten being so dedicated to the qun) but they get there#they were both in lothering together. i wonder if they talk about it sometimes#also the whole “the warden cant actually go to par vollen” thing makes me feel SICK with a mage warden. because its an offer that has no#good ending. it was an offer made where both parties already know that it cant happen but it is an offer made regardless#bioware you bastard let me romance sten#just once#cmonn
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I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr
not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work
believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody
#not art#listen#for real#this is not about any one person because i've seen posts about it from a bunch of people#you think i post everything here? buddy i dont even post half my stuff here#every drawing you see is preceded by five more just like it#that never see my cursor close to the save button#i have a sketchbook i draw in regularly that i do'nt show to a single goddam person#i make cutout art from gels i steal from work and stick them to my windows and do paintings in my living room just for me#because that it the only way you are ever going to be able to retain your original love of art#is by doing it for the sake of doing it#not for the sake of seeing how many people stop and stare#anyways i'm sorry if this sounds terse#but i'm so sick of seeing artists put all their self-esteem and happiness in the hands of a blogging website#stop selling yourself short by measuring your self worth by how many reblogs you get and what people say in the tags#your artistry and your happiness are worth more than that#if you're an artist for a living that's another story#but even then#even then#anyways sorry i'm done ranting
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Incase anyone needed a casual reminder that Norris is an utter asshole.
If you hear that drivers were sick and your first response is to be mad about them admitting it, you are an ass
#anti norris#fuck this guy are you serious#it’s one shitty thing to go idk if the heats that bad just train harder#and to be clear that is shitty#but it’s another to get indignatantly offended about someone saying they were sick#britcedes#the thing about lando is he constantly acts as if he was the most oppressed driver to ever live#and anyone else complaining doesn’t know his hell#while also acting as if he’s a champion for overcoming it#think the comments he made about Lewis a year ago#it’s very Dan ticktum esc
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god i can’t remember which book i read it in but i remember reading a philosophy book that said something along the line of “deduction and diagnosis are essentially one in the same; this is why dr watson is the perfect companion for sherlock holmes” and i nearly wept. scientifically proven soulmates for real
#if i find it i’ll show yall i swear#goddddd just thinking about it makes me sick!! they’re made for one another!! in any way you see it#sherlock holmes#john watson#acd holmes#personal#personal tag aka eden needs to get a life
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I am having thoughts about Law being extremely worried any time Roci gets sick, just because he remembers how miserable he was when he was sick, and maybe he thinks it’s his fault, because his immune system’s been compromised by Amber Lead
this one really got away from me it really was just supposed to be the first one with a different ending but anyway here it is lol
#I think that he never really gets over it#and as she gets older it just becomes one of those Things You Know About Your Parents#like she probably sounded sniffly or something on the transponder#and once she realized she gave herself up just made herself easy to find#so laws like lol my rambunctious daughter#and she’s like oh no dad u found me oh nooo#also I think she wouldn’t be sickly or anything#just gets a normal amount of sick like a regular person#no monkey immunity nonsense lol#my art#one piece#lawlu#lulaw#law x luffy#luffy x law#trafalgar law#monkey d luffy#my asks#holdyourbreathfornow
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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I see a lot of people in the Mouthwashing tag frequently listing 'keeping Curly alive' in the list of crimes Jimmy has done, implying or sometimes outright saying that not mercy-killing Curly was a cruel and unusual act...and would like to caution against that.
There's a long history of abled people deciding someone's quality of life is too horrible to merit letting them live (usually to nonverbal or otherwise 'low functioning' people lacking a clear means to communicate) and condoning the murder of disabled people under the guise of kindness. Curly is an extreme example, and one could argue he might prefer to be 'put out of his misery,' but it's important to note that we don't know, no one asks, and there's no attempt to communicate either which way.
How extreme pain and 'low quality of life' are handled are very nuanced and complicated topics, but you can never decide for someone else what kind of life isn't 'worth living.' Curly is obviously a videogame character, but these attitudes can and do affect the lives of real people & are worth being aware of.
#I say this as a disabled person who has heard ''I could never live if [condition] happened to me'' and claims my life was over#and all sorts of shit that made me think everyone would jump at the chance to put me down like a sick dog#just hits close to home so wanted to type a gentle word of caution#there's also a lot to be said about the history of disability rights and how DNRs have been used to purge us in hospitals#but i won't get into all of that for a fandom post#idk if i wrote this out well bc I'm trying not to get too In My Feelings about it but. yea#sometimes people deal with exceuciating pain & disability but would still very much like to live thank you#Mouthwashing
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merlin (immortal) giving arthur (pendragon) the only blade that could kill him
#they make me SICK#i hate them so much#if arthur had found out about his magic earlier and took it poorly…he’d be the only person able to kill him#merlin handing over the sword as a symbol of his utter trust in arthur#god imagine arthur finding out (au everyone lives) and being torn between wanting to cast the sword away but also wanting to keep it on him#he hates the weight of merlins life that now seems attached to the blade#he doesnt want it#but he cant cast it away bc what if someone gets their hands on it?? then merlins life is in their hands#he is BAFFLED that merlin would give HIM - uther pendragons son - the only thing that could kill him#he asks after days of fitful sleep and consideration and merlin is just like#‘its /you/ arthur.’ he says like its painfully obvious#NCJGSKSNSDIBSKSB TEYH MKAE ME VIOELTNT#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#excalibur#immortal merlin#merthur#im just thinking of percabeth when percy tells annabeth where his mortal point is and she is the ONLY person who knows#and she has to carry that tidbit of information around like its not the heaviest burden shes ever carried - more so than the sky#that one quote 'love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to'#idk you get it#arthur and annabeth being the only people who can destroy the one they love#merlin and percy having unwavering trust and faith in their other half that they place their life in their hands#literally#sorry im done
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic#even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space#so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now#like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her#or a blind bag with a character keychain#and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad#starts to diminish#my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it#or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces#i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables#my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons#like i dont get it but i get it#maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort#sara shush#ramble
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