#day 205 without sex. seeing the light

[yandereshingeki]

i really cant wait to get to the smut in ch 7 because im going to make it so soft and sweet that its sickening and i really need that right now

[erin-bo-berin]

I posted 4,593 times in 2022

That's 4,481 more posts than 2021!

2,938 posts created (64%)

1,655 posts reblogged (36%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@king-keery

@snackycake1975

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I tagged 303 of my posts in 2022

#steve harrington - 205 posts

#stranger things - 200 posts

#steve harrington x you - 157 posts

#steve harrington x reader - 154 posts

#steve harrington x fem!reader - 150 posts

#steve harrington blurb - 149 posts

#steve harrington fic - 146 posts

#stranger things blurb - 133 posts

#stranger things fic - 131 posts

#steve harrington fluff - 117 posts

Longest Tag: 65 characters

#honestly the one thing i think of everytime i see a pic with that

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Last anon about horny Steve. It doesn’t have to be in specifics as long as we have some horny Steve! Go for whatever you’d like!

I can’t get the idea out of my head that it’s the older teens hanging out (can’t have the younger children around cause their poor innocent ears) and Steve is just so horny, he can’t take it, so he drags you to the bathroom, tells you to be quiet and fucks you harder and quicker than he ever has. And he expects you to be quiet?

Desperate Times

Steve x Reader

Warnings: Smut (like just gets right into it)

“You gotta stay quiet for me, ‘kay baby?” Steve whispered in your ear.

How the fuck he managed for you to stay quiet while he was thrusting into you like his life depended on it, was beyond you.

You’d spent nearly the entire day with your older friends, the ones closest to your age. You were in Eddie Munson’s trailer, hanging out with him, Robin, Nancy and Jonathan.

But, Steve had been battling a defiant cock all day, horny beyond belief. If he’d had it his way, he’d dragged you away from your mutual group of friends and home just so he could have his way with you.

That being said, he kinda had.

Which is how you’d ended up in Eddie’s bathroom with Steve’s cock buried deep in you.

You were sure they weren’t stupid after Steve’s horrible performance of claiming he had something in his eye and that you had to accompany him to the bathroom where the light was much better, to get it out.

“Steve,” you whined lowly.

You were pressed against the wall, your sundress hiked up to your hips, his strong hands gripping the bottom of your thighs as he held you upright, hips thrusting into yours without abandon.

“I know, baby, I know,” he mumbled, silencing you with a kiss.

The danger of being caught made the sex even hotter as you gripped his shoulders, moaning loudly into the kiss.

He had been desperate and wanted you so badly that his actions were bleeding with that desperation for you he’d been feeling. His cock hit so deep in you, it took all of the little concentration you had left to not be a moaning, garbling, noisy mess.

“Fuck, yes sweetheart. Been driving me crazy all day,” he mumbled against your lips, “Been wanting your pussy clenching around my cock all day.”

You whimpered at his words, your walls clenching around him as if your body understood what he wanted as he voiced it.

“Can’t get caught now, can we?” he muttered, biting your lower lip with just enough pressure to be tantalizing, “Don’t want to let everyone know how well I’m fucking you, do you?”

You shook your head, teeth digging as hard into your bottom lip as you could trying to will the moans in your throat to disappear. Your eyes squeezed closed, a whimpered moan accidentally escaping you lips.

“Steve, god, please,” you begged as quietly as you could, so close to losing it.

“Shh,” he scolded, one hand covering your mouth.

Your head banged against the wall with a loud thud as you came, stars shooting behind your eyes, his hand smothering your moans. His eyes were lidded as watched you, his own teeth sank into his bottom lip before he came inside you, tossing his head back with a grunt.

You looked up at him, smirking against his hand. You knew it was just as hard for him to stay quiet too.

Honestly, this was as quiet as you two probably could get, so it was impressive that you both had to manage to pull it off.

After helping you clean up, he pulled his pants back up causing you to giggle. He’d barely gotten them down his hips before he’d had his dick out, ready for you.

Once he was situated again, he helped you pull your dress down, patting your sides lovingly, giving you a quick, sweet kiss.

“Fix your hair, it’ll give us away,” you chuckled, trying to straighten the stray pieces.

He took a peek in the mirror, running a hand through it, tousling it in attempts to make it appear less suspicious of your activities.

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1,174 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

#4

ok ok I just randomly had another thought. Reader and Steve have always known they'd have kids eventually, but Steve's been trying to convince her to start trying for ages and she keeps being like yeah soon soon just not yet. so Steve's casually mentioning it the morning of his X birthday as he and reader snuggle in bed, and she's giving him the same old story later later--they've developed this whole routine so it's not a big deal when it happens. he has such baby fever it just comes up at any opportunity these days.

so they have his birthday party with the whole gang. and I don't know how you're going to do this but maybe Robin brings her niece?? and we get to see Steve interact with this little baby and his baby fever is just getting worse. and obviously he's adorable and so good with this baby and doesn't want to give her back.

and after everyone finally leaves the party you have two presents for him. first, some very sexy lingerie (you've never worn anything like this before and Steve is going to have to work very hard not to tear it to shreds when he rips it off of you) and so you're getting busy and you're about to really get into it but you have a second gift for him... you're finally ready to start trying for a baby so you give him something that signifies that. I like the idea of giving him your IUD in a velvet jewelry type box but maybe that's anachronistic? I have no idea I just want him to look up into your eyes and know exactly what that is and be like babe? are you serious?

and then we watch this poor boy lose his fucking mind going to town on you (opportunity for breeding kink but not necessary)

I know you have lots of other fic ideas you're working through Erin. I mostly wrote this bc I thought you might like it--no pressure to actually write it if it's not interesting to you!

ok love you bye 🔥🏀

YES HOLY YES. I love this so much I can’t wait for you to read this. Just IMAGINE the disbelief and happiness!

Yes, I’m using another gif of him shirtless in the upside down. Am I sorry? No.

Birthday Wishes

Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Smut

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to yoooouuuu!”

Steve groaned, opening his eyes, seeing you laying next to him, head propped in your hand. You were beaming and singing at the top of your lungs.

“Happy birthday dear Steeeeeve,” you continued.

“You’re a horrible singer, you know,” he mumbled sleepily.

You didn’t let that deter you from finishing the song.

“Haaaaappyyyy birthday toooo youuuu!”

He chuckled, amused by your performance.

“Thank you, baby,” he smiled, kissing your nose.

“Did you like the song?” you beamed.

“Eh. 5 out of 10,” he joked.

You gasped dramatically.

“Five out of ten? You hurt me.”

You knew good and well that you couldn’t carry a tune to save your life, so you didn’t take the teasing to heart.

“The look on your face when you woke up was priceless though. You looked like you were in pain.”

“I was. At least my ears were,” he grinned.

“Asshole,” you laughed, hitting his chest.

He laughed, pulling you closer to him.

“So, are you looking forward to your party today?” you asked, laying your head in the crook of his arm.

“I am,” he said, “I don’t know how I got so lucky to have such great friends and a girlfriend to throw me such an extravagant party.”

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1,283 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#3

I had a request for a smut where it’s your first time (obviously it’s not Steve’s) and he takes it nice and slow for the reader? -🦋

This makes me wonder, how old do you think Steve was when he lost his virginity? I know Barb made a passing comment about Tommy H. and Carol having had sex since middle school (which I know actually happens but the fact of kids THAT YOUNG having sex just blows my mind like wow)

But point being, I can imagine it coming up obviously between Steve and reader in a previous conversation and he said he lost his virginity at like 14 let’s say. And she’s just like “….you’ve got six years of experience and want to sleep with me what”

Harrington’s Got You

Steve Harrington x Reader

Warning: Smut

When the topic came up in your and Steve’s new relationship, your mind about exploded when he told you he’d lost his virginity at 14.

Not that it surprised you; you were sure there had never been a point he hadn’t been attractive.

Which made your confession even more embarrassing. He’d teasingly goaded you into telling him hold old you were when you lost your virginity.

“I’m…um, I’m still a virgin,” you mumbled, cheeks warming.

You knew it wasn’t something you should be ashamed about, but being with someone as gorgeous as Steve, as experienced as him, it made you feel a bit humiliated.

“Oh,” he whispered, the fact sinking in, “Oh. Oh shit.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, avoiding his gaze.

“Hey, no, no,” he said, reaching out for you, taking your hand in his, “I am in no way judging. I think I’m just more in shock.”

“What? Why?” you chuckled.

“I mean…look at you. I’m amazed guys haven’t thrown themselves at you,” he said, a smile twisting his lips.

“Well, thank you,” you laughed, “But, no. I just haven’t met anyone…special enough, I guess. That deserves it.”

But Steve had surprised you after that conversation. You were sure he’d be scared off, repulsed, maybe even pity you. He did none of those things.

He promised to never pressure you and if whenever you were comfortable, he’d take it at your pace. He stayed true to his word. It was so Steve-like, the memory made your heart flutter.

But now, you’d decided to take that next step in your relationship and you’d wanted it to be with Steve. When you’d uttered the words to him earlier during your particularly heated kissing, he’d looked at you in shock.

In fact, he still was, now.

“Are you sure?” he asked, hovering over you, uncertainly, “I don’t want to, if you aren’t absolutely sure.”

But, you were and you told him so.

“I’m absolutely sure,” you smiled up at him, biting your lip.

You were incredibly nervous, especially having very little knowledge of what to do when Steve had had years of experience. But, you trusted him. You trusted him enough that you didn’t have a doubt in your mind about your decision.

He kissed you so sweetly, hand gliding from the crook of your neck up to cup your cheek. Your mouth moved against his as he angled his head to deepen the kiss. His tongue swept over your bottom lip lightly, teeth gently tugging at it making you moan lowly.

As your lips parted, his tongue slipped inside your mouth, moving against your own. His hands slid along the contours of your body before easing you down flat on the bed.

He pulled away long enough to watch you as his warm palms slid under your shirt. This wasn’t anything new as there’d been plenty of bare skin touches between the two of you. In fact, you’d gotten as far as both of your shirts off before Steve would stop himself, wanting to respect your boundaries.

His fingers stroked your stomach softly as he studied you.

“You promise to tell me if you want to stop at any point?” he asked.

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1,466 notes - Posted August 24, 2022

#2

more with singleteenmom!reader x Steve harrington!! Please! We all need it!!

I’ll be happy to! Here’s another little blurb because my heart is warm for dad Steve 🥺 also I applies I might’ve gotten a little carried away.

You better believe Steve is so involved with baby girl from the moment he meets her.

Early in your relationship, every time he comes over, he’ll just pick her up and kiss her all over her face until she’s shrieking and giggling with joy.

“How’s my favorite girl?” he’d ask.

You joke that Steve is only dating you for the baby cuddles although you don’t mind one bit because you can’t help but fall in love with him just a bit more every time you see him with her.

Steve wants to help with everything. Feeding her, baths, bed time, although his first time changing a diaper, he was so confused and worried.

She’s at the stage where she’s a lot more active and fussy when it comes to having her diaper changed because she just wants to be on the go. The pure worry on his face when she’s throwing a fit crying is heartwarming, but a bit hilarious.

“What’s wrong? I’m not hurting her am I?!”

You obviously reassure him that it’s not him, she just hates staying still for a diaper change at the moment.

“Hey, it’s okay sweetheart. I know this isn’t fun, but I’ve got you, yeah? I’ll get this done and over with soon alright? Wanna hear a funny story? So yesterday Dustin thought it would be funny—“

You just might be a bit amazed as you watch your daughter’s howls slowly turn into sniffles as she becomes enraptured about Steve’s story about Dustin’s latest prank on his friends. You’d never seen her so calm for a diaper change.

It’s a new task and he’s a bit clumsy at first, but soon he gets the hang of it. When the diaper is on and her onesie back on, he picks her up, wiping her face of her tears.

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

She immediately melts into his shoulder, her head falling into the crook of her neck, her eyes drooping.

“Ah that looks like the problem. It’s time for someone’s nap isn’t it?”

Steve is always so cute asking if he can do something. He looks at you, asking if it’s okay if he rocks her to sleep and really, how can you say no? You settle him with her pacifier and the little stuffed bunny she likes to have and leave him to it.

He sits down in the rocking chair, placing the pacifier in her mouth and she instantly starts sucking on it.

“Do you want your bunny too?”

Her little hands grasp it, holding it to her chest between him and her.

“Would you like to hear a story?”

Her head now resting on his chest, she sleepily gazes up at him, fighting sleep as hard as she can.

“Okay. Well, once upon a time there was a little princess. She was tiny, but she was mighty. That’s because her mommy, the Queen had raised her to be. Unfortunately, the evil King had no interest in his daughter the Princess which I personally think is a shame because the Princess happens to be the most amazing little person. So is her mommy. Then, along came a peasant boy. He wasn’t Royal. But he instantly fell in love with the Queen. He loved the way her smile lit up her face every time she smiled. How sweet and kind she was to others. How even though the peasant thought he had no chance with her, she gave him a chance. He was the happiest guy ever. You wanna know why? Because she is the best thing ever to happen to him. You are too, my little princess.”

Steve glanced down and noticed she was fast asleep on his chest, but he couldn’t help but sit there a little longer to rock her before taking her to her crib.

Little did he know that you’d been outside the door listening to it all with a smile on your face and love in your heart.

•

Bath time is always interesting with babies. But if Steve gave her a bath? He made it a whole production.

“Now what is Mister Ducky doing huh?”

She’d babble back at him, still not entirely fluent in actual English, more so baby chatter.

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1,522 notes - Posted August 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

OMGG YES please do thigh riding with Steve 😩

Oh man I’ve waited too long to write this one 👀 Expect it to be dirty and dirtier.

Make It Fast

Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Smut

It was never a good idea to leave you and Steve alone together. Especially, when as of lately, you’d been acting like a cat in heat.

Situated in the Wheeler’s basement, you were horny as fuck for your boyfriend. Thankfully, the kids had accompanied Robin and Eddie to go pick up lunch, arguing the entire way out about what type of food to get.

Unfortunately for you, you had half an hour or less alone with Steve until who knew when. Which is why you’d practically jumped him the moment you heard the front door close. It also explained why you were currently in his lap, making out with him like your life depended on it.

It was one of those kisses that went from zero to sixty in a heartbeat. Apparently, eager to get you alone too, his tongue slid into your mouth with one stroke, teasing your own. You were wound up, body tight and eager for some sort of pleasure.

One of his hands squeezed your boob through your shirt causing you to moan into the kiss. His other hand slid up your skirt, over your bare thigh, reaching between your legs to cup your pussy through your underwear.

You’d been aching for him for hours and now the heated kissing and groping were putting you in a worse state. You clit was swollen with desire and throbbing and his touch against you was electrifying.

“Jesus, you’re so wet,” he murmured, amazed.

His palm left you and you whined, needing friction badly as he sucked on your jaw, tongue sliding over the area he’d been focused on.

You didn’t plan it, but your body started rocking against him, your core dragging along his jean clad thigh. The rough material of his jeans was amazing friction against your clit and you sighed, hips dragging slowly back and forth.

“Fuck,” he cursed, pulling you into another heated kiss.

Your hands tangled into his hair, him swallowing your moans and whimpers. You broke away with a gasp when his hands grabbed your ass, guiding your body as you continued grinding on his thigh.

Your breasts were heavy, your breathing labored as your riled up body desperately wanted a release and Steve was more than happy to help you find it. He sat back, lips red from kissing, gaze lust filled as he watched you, dazed.

“That’s right baby, rub your wet pussy against me,” he drawled.

You had to smother a deep groan at his words. Honestly, people would be shocked at how dirty of a mouth this boy had. But, that was your little secret.

Your hands rested on his chest as he left hot kisses along your neck, guiding you back and forth over the same spot of his jeans. You were so wet you were sure you’d soaked through your underwear and left your mark on his pants.

He tensed and un-tensed the muscle of his thigh, adding a new sensation and your lips parted, a breathy moan leaving your mouth.

“Steve, fuck baby,” you moaned.

You were on sensory overload between his taut thigh and seam of his jeans rubbing against you deliciously, his eager mouth on your neck, one hand on your ass and the other now kneading your boob through your shirt. It was pure ecstasy.

“Feel good?” he whispered against your overheated skin.

“Yes,” you croaked.

You made yourself stay focused long enough for your hand to cup the arousal in his pants. He was a fucking saint because you wouldn’t have been able to hold out this long if you were him.

He let out an anguished moan at your touch, especially when your nails raked over the material, hard enough for his throbbing cock to feel. He hissed at the teasing, but you gave him a reprieve. You rubbed him harder, earning another appreciative noise from him.

“Sweetheart,” he heaved, trying to control himself, “I’m gonna cum in my fucking pants if you keep that up.”

As much as you’d rather him cum inside of you, you didn’t have that kind of time. So you had to take what you could get.

“Kinda the point, Steve,” you smirked, palm gliding over him.

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3,247 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[quietmyfearswith]

girl at home ; andy barber x fem!reader ; 3/3

status — completed series

word count — 4,110  words

warnings — angst??? lil fluff?? SMUT, passionate sex, unprotected reader (tho imo she’s on the pill) swearing

pairing — andy barber x fem!reader

a/n — last part of girl at home! after this i’ll be working on my august walker series. lmk what you guys think of this one :’) also tysm for 205 followers!!

tagging @tonystankschild

masterlist | series masterlist

Y/N found herself aimlessly driving around. No known destinations in mind; she just wanted to stay away from the house that once made her feel welcome but now she began to rethink about how it just gave her a false sense of home.

Spotting a bar she decided to grab a drink — a non-alcoholic one, she wasn’t going to risk an impaired driving ticket. Upon entering the facility, she spotted a co-worker of hers, Sheila, and waved at her. “Hey Y/N, come over here!” 

She nodded and took the empty seat beside her, “You alone?” Sheila nodded as she gulped a bit of her drink. Ordering a drink, she turned to Sheila, “What brings you here?” Shrugging, the blonde answered, “I come here every Friday night, and before you ask it’s not to get lucky. But I just reward myself with a fancy drink after a week’s hard work.” 

Thanking the waiter for the arrival of her drink, “Well good for you for having a reason to celebrate.” Picking up the sadness in her tone, the blonde asked, “What’s wrong with you? It’s unlikely of you to spend time out.”

Her mind immediately went to her earlier conversation with Andy’s former wife, but she didn’t know if it would be a good idea on her part to open up about it to someone. Sensing her uneasiness, Sheila reassured her, “Don’t worry I can keep an open mind and a sealed mouth.”

Nervously chuckling, Y/N then found herself unloading her baggage after sipping her drink, “It’s just, you know how I rent a room in Andy Barber’s house right?” Sheila nodded, prompting Y/N to continue her story, “Well over the past months that I’ve spent with him, we became close. Close enough that I thought that there was something special between the two of us.”

“Oh snap! There goes your first mistake; you two continued on without clarifying the label between the two of you,” Her comment had her taken aback and Sheila just sheepishly shrugged her shoulders, “Sorry, shouldn’t have commented. Keep going with your story.”

“And I don’t know? I’m overthinking now because Laurie asked about Andy and I, then she said that the only reason Andy acts the way he was around me is that I’m convenient for him. That no other woman would look at him and take interest in him, so really there was no other option for him but me.” Y/N didn’t notice how there were a few stray tears that littered her face and she was quick to wipe them away. Sheila then rubbed the forearm of the girl who sat beside her, “Have you talked to Andy about this?”

Shaking her head, she wiped the remainder of her tears with a tissue, “I didn’t. But what for? To confirm that I was indeed just convenient for him?” Just at the thought of it Y/N could feel her heart breaking. “Well I don’t know but I think you need closure.”

Y/N rolled her eyes at her opinion, “Closure? What the fuck for? We never clarified if we were in a relationship therefore we don’t need to end anything,” She scoffed. Sheila just gave her a pointed look, “But  you and I both know this will eat you up alive if you don’t get to set things straight with him.”

“You have a point,” Y/N conceded before continuing, “But should I talk to him, I’m gonna need a new place to live.” Sheila scoffed at her statement before taking a swig of her drink, “Lucky for you I have a spare bedroom; so you don’t need to worry about that.” 

“How ‘bout I stay over on yours for the weekend? Just to see things out. Not really because I packed some things because I needed to get away,” She joked, which had Sheila laughing as well. “As long as you’re driving me home, we can have a sleepover.”

As they both got in the car and the only sounds came from the music playing on the stereo. “One thing though,” Sheila slurred out, “How come Laurie suddenly talked that way about you and Andy?” Not knowing the answer to it Y/N just shrugged, “Do you think that Laurie’s jealous of the two of you?”

Ceasing at a stop light, Y/N looked over to Sheila with a wrinkled expression, “What are you going on about?” Sheila explained as she gestured with her hands, “Think about it, she asked about the two of you, criticized whatever was going on between the two of you, and talked shit about you. Perhaps she’s threatened?”

Without moving her eyes away from the road she scoffed, “What if she’s right though? That I’m just there to warm up Andy’s side and make him feel not lonely.”  Slapping her thighs as the alcohol finally settled in her system Sheila guessed, “Doubt it. But really the only way to find out is by talking to him.”

“I’ll cross that bridge once I get there, but now I don’t even want to think about him right now.”

The weekend went relatively well for Andy. He didn’t have to spend time alone with Laurie, since there was always something the three of them did together. For one it was a great opportunity to bond with Jacob and that he got to know his new life more. 

As Andy was saying goodbye to his teenage son, the younger Barber joked, “So will you finally ask Y/N out?” The lawyer ruffled his son’s hair, “Maybe you should ask out the girl you had an eye on too, huh?” The two then joked around for a bit before Laurie told Jacob to get in the car already. Hugging one last time, Andy bade goodbye, “I’ll see you soon, okay, bud? Be good.” The teenage boy nodded against him, “It was good seeing you, dad. I’ll miss you.”

As he was watching his son head to the car, Andy felt Laurie’s presence behind him, “Whatever it is you said about me and Y/N was way out of line.” The woman could only scoff, “It’s true and you know it. The sooner you accept, the better.” Breathing heavily through his nose and crossed his arms, the lawyer willed himself to not lose composure and just said goodbye to her, “Bye Laurie, don’t expect that I’ll contact you.”

Laurie was about to say something more, but opted not to and instead just patted Andy’s back before strolling her way to the car. Waving adieu to his son, the smile that graced his bearded face dropped when they vanished his line of sight. Reaching for the phone in his pocket, his frown deepened when he noticed that there were no texts or calls from Y/N, despite the fact he was trying everything to reach out to her.

Hey Y/N, I haven’t heard from you since Friday. Please call or text me back. I’m really worried about you, honey.

As he sent the text, he lowered the phone on the dining table, staring at the phone as if he’d intimidate it well enough to earn back a reply from the girl he’s been missing. “Where are you, Y/N?” 

The remainder of the Sunday afternoon Andy spent it waiting for Y/N in the living room. He even ordered her favorite takeout just in case she came back hungry. But as the stars littered the sky and darkness took the place of light, there was still no sign of Y/N. 

As quietly as possible, Y/N opened the front door and entered the house. She had three hours before needing to go to work and she dropped by in order to shower and change into her work clothes. Tiptoeing her way to her room, she froze upon seeing Andy’s hulking figure fit itself into the couch. She peeked a bit and was relieved to see that he was fast asleep; but was also curious as to why the lawyer spent the night here and not in his bedroom. When he moved to lay on his other side, Y/N held her breath and sprinted quietly to her room in order to do what she came here for.

Once she was showered and dressed for her day’s work, Y/N decided to prepare some of her bags already; some having been already filled halfway with her clothes and other belongings. Looking down on her phone she noticed that Andy would soon be waking up given the time. In her haste to exit the premise, she wasn’t able to fully shut her bedroom door as she quietly made her exit. But before doing so, she glanced at Andy’s sleeping figure with sadness and longing.

Andy’s body was scolding him for not sleeping on his bed and instead making camp on the couch; he then decided that missing a day of exercise wouldn’t be too bad. Rubbing the sleep of his eyes, he peeped at the window to see if the compact car of Y/N was parked outside. Sighing heavily upon noticing that he still had a bit of time to just lay in his bed before heading to work; he then decided to rest on his bed for a bit. On his way up, the bedroom door he rented being left half opened stood out to him. The few times he’s been in Y/N’s room was so that they could cuddle as they slept together, and those instances flooded his mind as he entered the room and glared at the bags that were laid out in the bed — some of them containing Y/N’s belongings. 

“What the fuck?” He muttered to no one in particular, but a part of him was hoping the room would suddenly talk back and answer him about the questions he had racing through his head. Fumbling with his phone, he texted Y/N:

Where are you? Why are your bags packed?

Y/N had decided to grab some breakfast on her way to work, and as she was sipping on some hot chocolate, she saw how Andy texted her yet again. The man clearly did not grasp the concept that she wished not to speak with him. Yet she also felt guilty about how he bombarded her with texts and calls over the weekend and yet not one were opened or returned; so she decided to spare him with a simple reply:

I’m moving out.

And that didn’t sit well with the lawyer as his eyes bulged at the reply and immediately flooded her with texts, mixed with the occasional phone calls. The girl having had enough of it, turned off her phone before going on with her day at work.

The lawyer did go to work — however he wasn’t in his best state of mind that day. His thoughts preoccupied with questions about why Y/N was avoiding him and the reason behind her sudden desire to move out of the house. Knowing that she always got off from work earlier than him pushed Andy to leave work early. He fed his co-workers some bullshit about not feeling well because of something he ate over the weekend — well if he was being honest, it wasn’t really something he ate, but because of someone who made distasteful comments — and they believed him without a doubt after seeing how distant he was today at work.

On his way home, he again decided to drop by her favorite restaurant to grab some of her go-to orders. Arriving home, he prepared the dining table with the food he bought; they’ve only spent two days apart and Andy came to realize how much he’s missed Y/N considering how they’d spent so much time together. It was like she was engraved in his daily routine and with her absence, he felt lost.

Hearing a rattling of keys, the lawyer was hopeful that it was Y/N and that they could have the chance to talk. Seeing how she quietly walked around the room gave Andy the impression that she had been purposefully avoiding him. “Shit!” She slightly jumped when she peeked on the dining area and spotted the familiar blue eyes she’d grown to adore.

“Why are you so surprised?” Andy implored as he crossed his arms. Recovering from her initial shock she managed to offer him a valid response, “Well I always come home before you. And you were looking right at me as I entered.” 

The lawyer had to give it to her, it was a plausible excuse; but her surprise wasn’t his main concern right now. Standing up from where he was seated he walked towards her, planting a hand on his hip, “Why haven’t you been answering my calls and texts? And why are you moving out?”

Shifting the weight between her feet, Y/N refused to look up at him, “There’s no signed lease, I’m not infringing anything.” Displeased with her answer, Andy angrily exhaled, “No, but I’m owed an explanation.”

Chuckling at him, “An explanation? I don’t want to live here anymore; not when I’m only here to rid you of your loneliness,” Without realizing it, tears were starting to flow out of her eyes. Shocked with what she said, Andy placed both his hands on her shoulders to get her to look at him, “Rid me of my loneliness? What are you talking about?”

Pushing his hands off of her, she wiped her tears away then bitterly recalled, “Laurie talked told me; The only reason we have, whatever it is we have between us,” She pointed to the space she created between them, “Is because you know no woman would want you hence why you settled for me.” It was ridiculous how she was crying in front of him, but she just felt emotionally exhausted with the whole ordeal that she didn’t have the enough energy to fight back the feeling to cry.

Whereas Andy’s heart broke at the sight of Y/N breaking down; despite her frail attempts to push him away, he fought her against it and engulfed her in a tight hug. “What Laurie said isn’t true,” He tried to comfort her as she rubbed her back, “I’m not with you because I have no other option.” 

“You call me honey; and apparently that’s what you called her,” She scoffed, “Besides, we didn’t put on a label on what we had going on.” The lawyer’s heart shrunk in sadness at what she just said, he also realized how awful he was treating her and how badly she was feeling about the whole ordeal. 

“I’m so sorry about the whole nickname thing, sweetheart,” He said as he pressed a kiss on the top of her head, “It was the nickname on the top of my head and I should have known better not to grace you with that one as well.” He pushed her away from him slightly so he could see her face clearly, wiping the tears that tarnished her beautiful face, “And I regret not initiating for us to have a label.”

Y/N could only focus on the negatives and turned away from Andy, “You have nothing to apologize for.” She went for the fridge to grab some water, suddenly feeling thirsty after letting out a few tears. Andy looked at her and was patiently waiting should she have something more to say; which she did after sipping the water, “I’m the only one to blame for falling for you.”

Had he not been paying close attention to her, he would have missed what she just said. But his orbs widened, hopeful that she meant what she had just said and hopefully didn’t regret so. “You fell for me?” His question had Y/N suddenly realizing that what she had mumble didn’t slip past Andy; looking at the bearded man in front of her — who’s face glimmered with optimism — and she couldn’t bring herself to cover up what she mindlessly confessed, not when it looked like gave life to the man in front of her.

“Yeah, I did,” She admitted silently as her fingers circled around the rim of the glass, “But it’s fine if you don’t feel the same. If it was just a fling for you or whatever, it’s fine.” She sounded dejected that Andy swore to himself he’d do everything in his power to make her feel the opposite. Closing the distance between them, Andy wrapped one of his hands around her waist, pushing his front flush against hers. While his other hand grasped hers and held it against his chest, “Whatever bullshit Laurie fed you isn’t true. It was a mistake to call you honey and I swear you’ll never hear me say that to you or to anyone ever again.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion for she didn’t know where Andy was going with this; but she didn’t speak up as she felt that he had more things to say. “You’re not someone I’m settling for — whatever the fuck that means �� but you’re someone I actually want to be with. Ever since you came to live with me you’ve made me feel happy, loved, and cared for. I never thought someone would be able to make me smile again, but you did. You breathed life into me just when I was on the verge of giving up.”

Kissing her hand that he held, he spoke with the utmost sincerity on his voice, “I’ve fallen for you too and even though it’s terrifying to open up to someone, I don’t regret doing so,” He took a deep breath before revealing, “I love you, Y/N.”

Letting out an audible gasp, “You what?” Andy smiled softly before kissing the space between her eyebrows, hoping to rid her of the wrinkle she formed, “You heard me, I love you. I may have not said or shown it much to you, but I do.”

Her eyes were glossy with tears again, but not because of the earlier reasons. She felt her heart beat fast as it swelled with love and appreciation, “Andy, please don’t fuck with me right now.” The older man’s body vibrated with loving chuckles, “I’m not, sweetheart,” He kissed her lips briefly, they both could feel their bodies significantly relax, “I love you, and I understand if you don’t feel the same,” He added with his lips still touching hers.

Andy was nervous when Y/N untangled her hand from his and was preparing for the worst — that she didn’t feel the same or that she was still adamant about moving out from his house. But was genuinely surprised when her arms wrapped themselves around his neck, standing on her tiptoes so her forehead rested against his, “I love you too, Andy.”

Sealing his lips against hers was the only reply he could offer; his hands sliding from her back down to her thighs. Tapping on the back of her thighs he briefly broke their kiss, “Jump, sweetie.” And he caught her with ease as she did so. Her hands clawed at his long sleeves, unbuttoning it as Andy carried the two of them up to his bedroom. Once she got rid of his shirt, she planted kisses along his neck, “I love you, Andy. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it first.”

They were halfway through the journey to his room but the lawyer pressed Y/N against the wall as he stopped undoing her shirt, “I love you too; and I understand why you didn’t,” He sucked a hickey into her neck before saying, “I need you bad right now, sweetheart.”

When her back hit the soft mattress, Y/N removed her work pants along with her panties. Andy looked down on her hungrily as he took off his pants and boxers. Lunging towards her, he kissed her deeply, tongue wrestling against each other, his hands gently massaged her breasts. “God I missed your touch,” She moaned as the lawyer fiddled with her nipples, tweaking and pulling on them. 

“It will teach you not to run off,” Andy smirked as he enveloped a breast in his mouth. Moaning out loud about how good it feels, one of her hands pulled on his hair and directed him to focus his attention to her other breast. He complied with a smirk, “You’re such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I’m sorry for running off. I love you so much and I just need you,” She mewled out, chest heaving up and down. Declaring her love for him felt so natural and good that she couldn’t stop professing it. The same could be said for Andy; as his kisses trailed down from her chest to her pussy he kept on muttering with every kiss, “I love you. I love you, baby.”

Feeling his tongue lick and massage her hard nub, Y/N squirmed, “I need you inside me, Andy, please. I just need you inside me.” Stopping his assault, Andy made his way up to face her and kissed her lips before asking, “What are the magic words, sweetheart?”

“I love you, Andy. Please I need you inside me,” And the man was pleased with her answer as grabbed his cock and didn’t tease the both of them any further and slid in. “Fuck, I love you too,” He groaned as he could feel her walls clinging into his cock tightly. The juices she was producing gave him the lubrication to slide in and out of her without hurting her.

Andy made her wrap her legs around his torso, allowing him to rut into her deeper and harder — but still doing so with passion. He laced both his hands with hers and held onto them tightly, “There’s only you, sweetheart,” He placed short and sweet kisses on her lips before reaffirming, “You’re the only one I love.”

The tip of his cock hit her sweet spot and she let out a loud moan into Andy’s mouth as they both were passionately kissing — which resulted in the lawyer groaning and slamming into her faster this time. “I’m so close, Andy. You make me feel so good.” Fueling his ego, Andy let go of one of her hands to rub in her swollen clit. Her wails getting louder, “Only I can make you feel this way. You know why that is?”

Too blissed out with the simulations she was receiving, all Y/N could do was shake her head. And that was a good enough answer for Andy as he grunted out, “Because I love you; I’m gonna make you feel all my love.” His thrust then became rapid, harsh, and desperate; as if trying to convey what he felt for her.

“I love you too,” She moaned out before kissing him and Andy was more than willing to reciprocate the kiss. And as they both were making out Y/N whined out, “I’m cumming, I’m gonna cum hard.” Andy told her he was close too and focused on slamming into her hard and it did the trick since she climaxed and came so hard her walls gripped onto the lawyer’s cock so hard he had no choice but halt his movements because she was too tight. The way her walls massaged his cock had him spilling his load as well.

They both caught their breaths with their foreheads pressed against each other’s, staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Andy snapped out of their post-orgasm haze and laid down beside Y/N without removing his cock from inside her. Wrapping both his arms around her frame, he pulled her head against his chest, “That isn’t just a fling for me, okay?” She looked into his face and could see how serious he was. 

“I wanna be with you; take you on dates, go for vacation, have lazy days, bribe you to go to work late because I wanna have sex,” Y/N slapped his chest at his last remark and could not help but do the same, “So really what I’m trying to say is — will you be my girlfriend?”

Smiling so wide her jaw ached she nodded as she leapt so her face was right in front of his, “Yes, yes, I wanna be yours, Andy. I love you so much,” And she littered his whole face with kisses, each kiss coupled with a declaration of her love.

“I love you too, baby,” He mumbled in content and her head laid again on his chest; stroking her hair as a comfortable silence enveloped them. Andy was just more than grateful that he let her in his house, and she turned it around making it feel like home. A home that’s now filled with love and happiness.

[qqueenofhades]

I want to hear about gay knights. Please.

Ahaha. So this is me finally getting, post-holiday, to the subject that was immediately clamoured for, when I volunteered to discuss the historical accuracy of gay knights if someone requested it. It reminds me somewhat of when my venerable colleague @oldshrewsburyian​ volunteered to discuss lesbian nuns, and was immediately deluged by requests to do just that. In my opinion, gay knights and lesbian nuns are the mlm/wlw solidarity of the Middle Ages, even if the tedious constructionists would like to remind us that we can’t exactly use those terms for them. It also forces us to consider the construction of modern heterosexuality, our erroneous notions of it as hegemonically transhistorical, and the fact that behaviour we would consider “queer” (and therefore implicitly outside mainstream society) was not just mainstream, but central, valorized, and crucial to constructions of medieval manhood, if not without existential anxieties of its own. Because medieval societies were often organized around the chivalric class, i.e. the king and his knights, his ability to make war, and the cultural prestige and homosocial bonds of his retinue, if you were a knight, you were (increasingly as the medieval era went on) probably a person of some status. You had a consequential role to play in this world, and your identity was the subject of legal, literary, cultural, social, religious, and other influences. And a lot of that was also, let’s face it, what the 21st century would consider Kinda Gay.

The central bond in society, the glue that made it work, was the relationships between soldiers, battlefield brotherhoods, and the intense, self-sacrifical love for the other that is familiar to anyone who has ever watched a war movie, and dates back (in explicitly gay form, at least) to the Sacred Band of Thebes. Medieval society had a careful and contested interaction with this ideal and this kind of relationship between men. Because they needed it for the successful prosecution of military ventures, they held it up as the best kind of love, to which the love of a woman could never entirely aspire, but that also ran the risk of the possibility of it turning (homo)sexual. Same-sex sexual activity was well-known in the Middle Ages, the end, full stop. The use of penitentials, or confessors’ handbooks, as sources for views or practices of queer sexual behaviour has been criticised (you will swiftly find that almost EVERYTHING used as a source for queer history is criticised, shockingly), but there remains the fact that Burchard of Worms’ 11th-century Decretum, a vast compilation of canon law, mentions same-sex behaviour among its list of sins, but assigns it a comparatively light penance. (I don’t have the actual passage handy, but it’s a certain amount of days of fasting on bread and water.) It assigns much heavier penalties for Burchard’s main concern, which was sorcery and the practice of un-Christian beliefs, rituals, or other persistent holdovers from paganism. This is not to say that homosexuality was accepted, per se, but it was known about, it must have happened enough for priests to list in their handbooks of sins, and it wasn’t The End of The World. Frankly, I am tired of having to argue that queer people existed and engaged in queer activity in the Middle Ages (not directed at you, but in general). Of course they did. Obviously they did. Moving on!

Anyway. Returning to gay knights specifically, the fact remained that if you encouraged two dudes to love each other beyond all other bonds, they might, you know, actually bang. This was worrisome, especially in the twelfth century, as explored by Matthew Kuefler, ‘Male Friendship and the Suspicion of Sodomy in Twelfth-Century France’ and Ruth Mazo Karras, ‘Knighthood, Compulsory Heterosexuality, and Sodomy’ in The Boswell Thesis: Essays on Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality, ed. Matthew Kuefler (Chicago; University of Chicago Press, 2006), pp. 179-214 and 273-86. I have written a couple papers (in the ever-tedious process of one day being turned into journal articles) on the subject of the Extremely Queer Richard the Lionheart, some material of which can be found in my tag for him. Richard’s queerness has been argued over for a long time, we all throw rotten banana peels at John Gillingham who took it upon himself to deny, ignore, or minimize all the evidence, but anyway. Richard was a very masculine and powerful man and formidably talented soldier who could not be reduced to the stereotype of the effeminate, weak, or impotent sodomite, and the fact that he was a prince, a duke, and a king was probably why he was repeatedly able to get away with it. But he wasn’t alone, and he wasn’t the only one. He was very much part of his culture and time, even if he kept running into ecclesiastical reprisals for it. It happened. If you want a published discussion that covers some of my points (though not all of them), there is William E. Burgwinkle, ‘The Curious Case of Richard the Lionheart’, in Sodomy, Masculinity, and Law in Medieval Literature: France and England, 1050-1230 (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2004), pp. 73–85. Also on the overall topic, Robert Mills, Seeing Sodomy in the Middle Ages (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2015). 

Peter the Chanter, a Parisian cleric, also wrote De vitio sodomitico, a chapter of his Verbum abbreviatum, fulminating against “men with men, women with women [masculi cum masculis […] mulieres cum mulieribus]” which apparently happened far too often for his liking in twelfth-century Paris (along with cross-dressing and other genderqueer behaviour; the Latin version of this can be found in ‘Verbum Abbreviatum: De vitio sodomitico’ in Patrologia Latina, ed. Jacques-Paul Migne (Paris: 1855), vol. 205, pp. 333–35). Moving into the thirteenth and especially fourteenth centuries, this bond only grew in importance, and involved a new kind of anxiety. Richard Zeikowitz’s book, Homoeroticism and Chivalry: Discourses of Male Same-Sex Desire in the 14th Century (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2003), explores this discourse in detail, and points out that the intensely homoerotic element of chivalry was deeply embedded in medieval culture – and that this was something that was not queer, i.e. unusual, to them. It is modern audiences who see this behaviour as somehow contravening our expected stereotypes of medieval knights as Ultra Manly No Homo Men. When we label this “medieval queerness,” we are also making a judgment about our own expectations, and the way in which we ourselves have normalized one narrow and rigid view of masculinity.

England then had two queer kings in the 14th century, Edward II and Richard II, both of whom ended up deposed. These were for other political reasons, but their queerness was not irrelevant to assessments of their character and the reactions of their contemporaries. Sylvia Federico (‘Queer Times: Richard II in the Poems and Chronicles of Late Fourteenth-Century England’, Medium Aevum 79 (2010), 25–46) has studied the corpus of queer-coded historical writing around Richard, and noted that while the Lancastrian propaganda postdating the usurpation of Henry IV in 1399 obviously had an intent to cast his predecessor in as unfit a light as possible, the accusations of queerness started during Richard’s reign, “well before any real practical design on the throne […] and well before the famous lapse into tyranny that characterized the reign’s last few years. In poems and chronicles produced from the mid-1380s to the early 1390s, and in language that is highly charged with homophobic references, Richard II is marked as unfit to rule”. E. Amanda McVitty (‘False Knights and True Men: Contesting Chivalric Masculinity in English Treason Trials, 1388–1415,’ Journal of Medieval History 40 (2014), 458–77) examined how the treason trials of high-status individuals centred on a symbolic deconstruction of his chivalric manhood, demoting and exiling him from the intricate homosocial networks that governed the creation and performance of medieval masculinity.

This appears to have been a fairly extensive phenomenon, and one not confined to the geopolitical space of England. Henric Bagerius and Christine Ekholst (‘Kings and Favourites: Politics and Sexuality in Late Medieval Europe’, Journal of Medieval History 43 (2017), 298–319) traced the use of ‘discursive sodomy’ as a rhetorical tool employed against five late medieval monarchs, including Richard II and his great-grandfather Edward II, John II and Henry IV of Castile, and Magnus Eriksson of Sweden. In all cases, the ruler in question was viewed as emotionally and possibly sexually dependent on another man, subject to his evil counsels and treacherous wiles, and this reflected a communal anxiety that the body of the king himself – and thus the body politic – had been unacceptably queered. Nonetheless, as a divinely anointed figure and the head of state, the accusations of gender displacement or suspected sodomy could not be placed directly on the king, and were instead deflected onto the favourites themselves, generally characterised as greedy, grasping men of ignoble birth, who subverted both social and sexual order by their domination of the supposedly passive king. 

None of this polemic produced by hostile sources can be read as direct confirmation of the private and physical actions of the kings behind closed doors, but in a sense, this is immaterial. The intimate lives of presumably heterosexual individuals are constructed on the same standards of evidence and to much greater certainty.  In other words, queerness and queer/gay favourites could not have functioned as a textual metaphor or charged accusation if there was not some understanding of it as a lived behaviour. After all, if the practice did not physically exist or was not considered as a potential reality, there could have been no anxieties around the possibility of its improper prosecution.

This leads us nicely into the deeply vexed question of adelphopoiesis, or the “brother-making” ceremony argued by some, including John Boswell, as a medieval form of gay marriage. (Boswell, who died of AIDS in 1994, published the landmark Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality in 1980, and among other things, controversially argued that the medieval Catholic church was a vehicle for social acceptance of gay people.) Boswell’s critics have fiercely attacked this stance, claiming that the ceremony was only intended to join two men together in a celibate sibling-like relationship. A Straight Historian who participated in a modern version of the ceremony in 1985 actually argued that since she had no sexual inclinations or motives in taking part, clearly it was never used for that purpose by medieval men either. (Pause for sighing.) 

The problem is: we can’t argue intentions or private actions either way. We can understand what the idealized and legal designation for the ceremony was intended to be, but we cannot then outrageously claim that every historical individual who took part in it did so for the party line reason. Maybe medieval men who joined together in brother-making ceremonies did live a celibate and saintly life (this would not be surprising). It seems ludicrous to argue, however, that none of them were romantically in love with each other, or that they never ever ever had sex, because surprise, formulaic documents and institutional guidelines cannot tell us anything about the actions of real individuals making complex choices. Even if this was not always a homosexual institution (and once again with the dangerous practice of equivocating queerness with explicitly practiced and “provable” sexual behaviour), it was beyond all reasonable doubt a homoromantic one, and one sanctioned and organised according to well-known medieval conventions, desires (for two men to live together and love each other above all) and anxieties (that they might then have sex).

The medieval men who took a ‘brother’ would probably not have seen it as a marriage, or as the kind of household formation or social contract implied in a heterosexual union, but as we have also discussed, the definition of marriage in the Middle Ages was under constant contestation anyway.  The church was constantly anxious about knights: their violence, their (oftentimes) lack of religiosity, their proclivity for tournaments, swearing, drinking, and other immoral behaviour, the possibility of them having sexual affairs with each other and/or with women (though Andreas Capellanus, in De amore, wrote an entire spectacularly misogynistic handbook about how to have the right kind of love affair with a woman and dismissed same-sex relationships in one sentence as gross and unworthy, so he was clearly the No Homo Bro Knight of his day). So, as this has gotten long: gay knights were basically one of the central social, religious, and cultural concerns of the entire Middle Ages, due to their position in society, their necessity in a warlike culture, the social influence of chivalry and their tendency to bad behaviour, their perceived influence over the king (who they may also have given their Gay Cooties), their disregard of the church’s teachings, and the ever-present possibility that their love wasn’t celibate. So yes. Gay knights: Hella Historically Accurate.

The end.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Forty-Two

Table of Content or Part Forty-One

Read here on Wattpad

Words: 3.6k

Warning(s): Explicit language, explicit sexual situations, miscarriage

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I had miscarried a week before the four month mark, and despite the large amount of stress I was under, I was told my body showed signs of preparing to discard the pregnancy, anyway, and it was estimated there hadn't been a heartbeat for almost a week prior.

I planned on telling Nikki before my stomach grew to an obvious size, but I managed to keep it under the radar and it just looked like I was gaining some weight.

Andy had taken me, in and out at consciousness, to the hospital after Nikki's blue color started to miraculously subside and he decided it was better to keep the freshly overdosed heroin junkie away from anyone who could notify authorities.

A D&C was performed, I was given hospital-issued pajama pants since I wasnt wearing any, told not to use tampons, insert anything into my vagina or have sex for two weeks, and I was sent on my way.

"I-I heard the nurse say something about a failed pregnancy." Andy tells me, hesitantly, as we head back to the apartment to see if Nikki's still there.

"They thought it might have been one, but I told them I wasn't pregnant and they decided it was a serious spell of period cramping." I reply.

"You don't fucking pass out from a period cramp, Vivian."

"I passed out because I was in shock from Nikki being blue." I argue.

"That was a lot of blood to be--"

"Andy, until you have a uterus that sheds once a month, you don't get to make the rules as to what's a normal amount of period blood and what isn't." I cut him short and he sighs out.

"Got it, Viv."

When we get back to the apartment, it's empty.

The Rat is gone, and Nikki's gone.

"Do you think he's back at the hotel?" Andy asks me and I pray in my mind he is.

"Maybe he is." I tell him.

I have to give it to Andy, he managed to get Nikki breathing again while simultaneously trying to get me to regain consciousness...all while on heroin himself.

Vince killed his drummer, and he still saved Vince's bassist.

I get back to the hotel, Doc interrogating the front desk, demanding to know where I went and if she's seen me recently.

"Doc, chill out." I tell him, rubbing my eyes and he sees me and relief washes over him.

"Where the fuck have you been?!" He shouts at me. "I was about to call the cops, Vivian!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I just had to go to the doctor for lady issues." I tell him and he looks at me like I've lost my mind, looks at Andy and throws his hands up.

"All you kids are fucking impossible, holy shit!" He calls out, stepping to the elevator.

I turn to Andy, smiling tiredly up at him.

"Thank you for helping Nikki." I tell him.

"I'd do it ten times over, Viv." He replies.

I try my hardest to memorize him, snapping a mental picture of his soft smile, his liner smudged eyes, his clothes...preparing for this being the last time I ever see him, because at the rate he's going, he'll be dead in a couple years.

Tears blur my vision, but never break over my lashes, and I hug him to me.

"Take care of yourself." I tell him calmly. "Please."

"Oh, I'll be fine." He replies, squeezing me back.

When we pull away, his hands hold at either side of my face.

"Keep your head clear." He tells me one last time and I nod.

To this day I still hear him in my mind when I'm overwhelmed.

"Keep your head clear."

I get up to the room to pack, thinking of what the hell to say to Nikki.

He's getting out of the shower when I get in, bruises covering him from where he was hit with the bat, and his chest is bruised from CPR.

I decide not to say anything, ignoring him when he tries to talk to me.

"Baby." He states, realizing I'm purposely ignoring him.

I just fold my dirty clothes up and put them in my bag.

"Vivian." He tries again. "I really don't need you to be pissed at me about this, Viv."

Again, I don't say a word.

I try to head to the bathroom before he's grabbing at my arm, stopping me.

"I over did it, I know I did. I'm sorry, alright? Just please talk to me."

"I'm going back home." I tell him and he looks shocked before his face suddenly scrunches up.

"What?"

"I am going back to L.A." I repeat.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not hanging around to see you pick up where you left off before you nearly died, Nikki, and I know that the second we get to the next city, you'll be pinpointing a dealer as soon as possible." I state.

"I--Viv, I made a mistake, I understand that I made a bad call." He tries to reason with me before snatching my shirt out of my hand before I can pack it. "Will you listen to me?"

"Why? You never listen to me." I hiss at him and his eyes glass over in tears.

Instead of yelling at me, or arguing, he puts my shirt in my bag for me, and helps me pack the rest of my stuff before he gets dressed and gets his own stuff together. "I just want to go home." I finally tell him, feeling a little guilty for being mean to him after what happened to him.

"I know." He says lowly, sitting next to me on the bed. "I just don't want you to."

"I'll only be a phone call away, and the tour will be over in less than a month and you'll be back in no time." I point out.

"Yeah, I guess." He replies.

"Just, please, be careful." I plead, grabbing his hand.

He looks at me and nods a little.

"I will, Viv. I promise." He assures me.

It was bullshit. Two days after that, he was hanging out with Tommy, Rodger Taylor and Robin Zander, at dinner and when lines of power rails of coke were offered to them, Nikki snorted all of it on his own.

But I wasn't worried about Nikki. I prayed for him before I left London and that was that.

I bombard Steven when I see him by Duff's car in the parking lot, wrapping my arms around him tightly, nearly crying tears of joy.

"Have you gotten taller?" I tease, ruffling his fluffy blonde hair.

"Nah, maybe you're getting shorter." He replies as I put my bag in the trunk.

"Short-stop." I shoot at him.

"Firecrotch." He replies without missing a beat and I can't help but laugh.

"You've been hanging around Izzy too much." I point out, getting into the car.

When we get to their apartment, I set my bag on floor by the door and look around at the shithole it is.

"The guys are out, I'm about to go see if I can find 'em if you wanna come." Stevie offers.

I shake my head a little, already knowing how I want to spend my night.

"No, thank you, just wanna shower and get settled." I explain, and he nods.

"You're gonna have to air dry because we don't have towels, and we don't have hot water." He adds. "Also, pee in the shower if you gotta pee because we don't have a toilet anymore."

"What about if I need to do the other?" I ask him and he rubs his lips together.

"We usually just do that in our friend's apartment down the hall. Apartment 205." He informs me and I raise my brows but don't say a word.

"Got it." I reply.

"Alright, well, I'm out." He tells me.

"Okay, see you later tonight." I reply, shutting the door behind him.

I turn to face the mess that is their apartment and I take a breath and get started.

I'm just getting out of the shower by the time I hear the front door open and close, and I hold my arms over my chest and peak my head out of the bathroom, seeing Duff's lanky frame in the kitchen, the only light is from the small lamp on the floor in the living room.

"Hey." I tell him, and he turns around, brows raised.

"Oh, shit, hey." He chuckles off his startledness. "Are you done with your shower?" He asks and I nod.

He's stepping to me, his hand holding out a cheap towel.

"Steven said you were crashing here tonight so I went and got some things...I knew you'd appreciate a towel." He tells me and I chuckle, grateful for his consideration as I step back into the bathroom to wrap up in the towel and step back out to my bag to get pajamas. "I got some shitty sheets for that mattress." He motions to the one bedroom. "And a blanket because we don't have any."

"How do you guys stay warm then?" I ask and he shrugs.

"We usually go home with girls who have blankets." He chuckles and I shake my head a little. "At least they do. Anymore I come back and crash here." He adds. "Also, thank you for cleaning." He notices the much more organized and clean apartment I'd been working on ever since Steven left three hours ago. "Which brings me to my last purchase I know you would need." He puts a can of disinfectant spray on the counter next to the blanket and sheets and I can't hold back to laugh that comes when I see it. "I suggest using the whole can."

"I'm planning on it don't worry." I chuckle as he takes can of spray and the sheets into the bedroom.

I'm assuming to spray down the mattress and put the sheets on.

I dry off and towel dry my hair before slipping on a pair of pajama shorts and a Crüe band tshirt.

Once I'm done in the bathroom, I see Duff sitting on the couch with his bass and I sit beside him as he goofs off with it for a couple minutes before I point to a note his finger is on.

"What's that?" I ask him, curiously.

"J." He tells me and I furrow my brows a little.

"There's a 'J' note on bass?" I ask and he nods, his expression serious for a moment before he cracks into a smile. "Duff, I'm serious." I push at his shoulder lightly and he chuckles.

"I don't know what note it is." He tells me.

"Bullcrap." I state.

"I'm being serious. I don't know a single name of any of the notes."

"You play by ear?!"

"Yep."

"Why?!"

"I just wanted to play bass. I didn't want to learn it step by step. It's obviously working out for me the way I do it now, so." He shrugs. "Is that not what Nikki does?"

"Yeah...but he's Nikki I don't expect him to know all of it. He sticks to the same template of decently easy notes in every song anyway because he's too fucked up to remember anything elaborate." I tell him and he chokes a little, looking at me.

"That's mean." He points at me.

I think about it for a second and sigh out.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just tired and moody I guess." I mumble, running a hand through my hair.

"Do you need to go to bed?" He asks me.

"Probably." I admit, seeing it's 1:17am on their crooked wall clock, standing up and stretching.

I look towards the bedroom, then to Duff and back to the bedroom before sitting back down.

"What is it?" He asks me.

"I'll just chill here with you for a few more minutes." I tell him.

"Okay."

I lay down, my legs curling to my chest as the top of my head brushes against the side of his thigh, my eyes closing.

I'm probably asleep for another hour before I'm being woken up.

"Viv." Duff slowly shakes me awake and I groan a little, blinking up at him.

"C'mon, I'm helping you to bed." He tells me and I nod sleepily, taking his hands as he helps me up.

I'm half asleep when I fall to the matress on the floor and he chuckles at me grabbing the blanket to cover me up.

"You good?" He asks me after covering me up and I nod. "Okay, I'm crashing on the couch if you need anything."

"Sleep in here." I tell him, rubbing the sleep from my eyes in an attempt to wake myself up a little.

It's obvious he's thinking really hard about the invitation.

"Please?" I ask. "I don't like sleeping alone."

He thinks about it for a moment longer before getting his boots off, laying down beside me as far away as possible, not even taking his jacket off.

"Goodnight, Viv." He says.

"Goodnight." I barely mumble back.

This is where the very strict "friends" line that separated Duff and I began to slowly blur, and I despised myself for it.

I'm tired, but I can't bring myself to sleep, turning to face Duff.

I wonder if he's asleep.

"Duff?" I whisper.

"Hmm?" He replies.

He's laying on his back with an arm tucked behind his head, the other across his abdomen.

I think about how he kissed me, and how did it like he meant it, openly and honestly, and I freaked out over it.

And why?

Because of Nikki?

I remember the reminiscent feeling I got with Duff, when he made his drunk move, mirrored how I felt when Nikki first made his five years ago.

My eyes go back to the blonde beside me, the temptation to either scare him away or draw him in more is pulling at me strong.

"Take your jacket off." I say to him lowly and he looks at me in the dark of the room, the only sliver of light coming from the neon glowing lights of the strip.

"Viv." He says it like he knows what I'm thinking he's begging me not to because he couldn't possibly resist.

I sit up getting on my knees, pulling my tshirt over my head and discarding it.

"Shit." He mumbles to himself, sighing out as I crawl to him.

All it takes is my leg swinging over his hips to straddle him and he's caving.

He doesn't dare make a move to touch me, probably trying to decide if this is real or not, until I'm pressing my lips against his, moaning softly as my nipples gently rub against the fabric of his clothes.

My hands grab either side of his unzipped jacket, pulling him up to a sitting position, pushing the leather from him, he discards the jacket across the room and my hands run down his arms to his wrists to guide his hands to my hips as I slowly start rocking against his groin as my forehead rests against his, my breath catching in my throat as pleasure sparks through me.

"Fuck, Viv..." he breaths out, finger tips lightly pressing into the flesh of my hips.

Pull up on the bottom of his shirt, leaning into him when it's off, feeling his skin against mine as our lips meet once more before I'm running my tongue along his bottom lip to give him the hint.

His hands move to my ass, guiding the slow, needy movements of the junction of my thighs against the hardness in his pants.

Our tongues tangle together as he moves one of his hands up to run his thumb against my nipple.

I whimper, the ache in my core growing stronger as he gets comfortable and shifts from being shy and acting like he doesn't know what to do, to complete dominance, pushing me onto my back, my hair hanging off the foot of the bed.

He takes his pants off as I pull at my shorts, rubbing my thighs together, looking up at him as he gives me a happy smile, pressing his lips to my ankle, working his way up inch by inch, worshipping me with each caress, each kiss, each move.

He's running his tongue against my clit, eliciting another moan from me, my back arching as my hands fall into his blonde hair.

When he hits a certain spot, I gasp, my eyes nearly watering.

"Right there, please, Duff." I quietly whine out a beg.

He listens, continuing to move his tongue against me, causing me to resort to shallow breaths as pleasure builds.

One of his hands goes to my breast, rolling my nipple between his fingers, only encouraging me to grind into his face with his slow, savoring, pace.

I'm coming before realizing it, my toes curling, his name catching in my throat as I arch my back.

He looks like he's about to go back for seconds but I'm sitting up and pulling his lips to mine before taking my hand and wrapping it around his prick.

The thought of it inside of me sends me into overdrive and he groans out as I run my thumb over his tip, my thigh hooking around him as my legs spread, wanting him inside of me.

I fall back on the matress taking him with me as our lips stay locked, and both of his hands are on either side of my head as we break our kiss.

"Are you sure about this?" He asks me. "I mean really sure. I don't want to hurt you, Viv, I--"

I cut him short, giving him reassuring kiss before looking up at him again.

He nods, as if convincing himself to disrespect Nikki and our marriage as he jerks himself off a couple of times before placing his head at my entrance.

He slowly pushes himself in, and by the time he's in as far as my body has room for him to be in, he's grasping the blanket we're on, under his hands, obviously trying to keep his control.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, giving me time to adjust to him.

I don't answer, my hands pushing at his sides to get him to pullout of me, and he thinks I want him off of me, nearly moving completely out of me before I'm wrapping my legs around him, causing him to push back into me.

The feeling forces a loud, wanton, nearly pornish sound from me and he realizes I want him to keep going.

He smiles to me, kissing me again while pulling out and thrusting back into me, gently.

"Duff," I start, breathing out.

"Y-Yeah?" He asks, stopping suddenly.

"I'm not gonna break." I tell him with a shy smile as a subtle hint to screw me into the mattress.

He's chuckling a little, loosening up, before thrusting into me a little faster, rougher, and harder.

"Fuck, Duff!" I can't control myself, my nails screaming against the skin of his back as his length moves inside of me addictively.

He repeatedly hits against my tender cervix, and the thought of him finishing inside of me is fucking crazy but nearly primal.

"You feel so fucking good." He tells me, his cigarettes laced breath adding to the comfort of him pulling pressing his body against mine, taking my lower lip between his teeth.

My fingers curl into his blonde hair, my nipples aggressively move against him with his desperate pace.

"I'm gonna come." I tell him, my eyes closing, my lips slightly opened as tremors course through me.

I cry out so loudly he has to put his hand over my mouth incase any of the guys are home.

Tears roll down my face as he picks up the pace, chasing after his high with my legs locked around him.

"I love you." He tells me, his lips brushing against mine.

"I love you, too." I say back, my hand going between my legs to play with my clit to try have another hit before he finishes.

His hand is moving mine out of the way and rubbing at me far better than I can in my love-high state.

More of my juices flood onto him as my brain fills with more endorphins, my eyes heavy with a floating high.

"I'm about to come." He tells me.

"Come in me." I tell him, hazily, not thinking clearly.

"Viv, I--"

"Please, I wanna feel it, Duff. I wanna feel you." I beg, arching into him, pulling his hips into mine with my thighs.

He doesn't argue, cursing out as streams of his cum pump into me.

He doesn't get off of me until he's finished, the both of us laying in silence as nausea forces it's way through me.

I'm sitting up, throwing up, my body sweating and my face soaked with tears.

I realize I'm throwing up on the living room's stained carpet as Duff startles awake from where he fell asleep beside me on the couch.

Izzy's passed out on the floor on the other side of the coffee table and I look at the clock to see it's 5:00am.

"Viv, are you alright?" Duff asks me, but all I hear in the sound of his voice is the terrifying idea that I just dreamt up an entire fantasy about him that seems so unbelievably realistic, that if he weren't still fully dressed, jacket and boots included, I would swear it actually happened.

My heart sinks to my stomach.

I need Nikki.

It was one hell of a foreshadow.

[tonpensdora1980-blog]

Update! Thank you all so much for your help. Wanted to let you know I found about 45 potential AirBnBs around Chicago and have a short list of 10 places (based on price and proximity to the L and the things I want to do). Average price for all these AirBnBs is $205 (that includes fees and taxes) and the short list has me near:. I am a STRONG believer in lights needing to be on in fog and rain, but my car ( Mercury Mariner) has automatic lights. I cannot tell when they on versus off. I don know if I missing something, but the only way I 울진출장샵 can tell when they switch one way or the other is my radio light goes brighter or darker, but I can only tell the difference if I watch it happen. I have a bottle since October and used it all over my body as well and it still going strong. My only gripe with this product is the packaging is awful, the dispensing is hard to control. I am getting my friend in India 울진출장샵 to send this to me when I close to finishing my tube.. I loved my construction jobs other than when the weather was awful. It was starting to really kick the crap out of my body by 30 though. I switched to an office job and most of the aches and pains went away and everything was awesome until I started to get really fat. The animals in training at SeaWorld au are there because they can be released, and have come to the park through needing veterinary care or from private zoos and collections. Training is part of their environmental enrichment, so they don go batshit crazy. And they aren forced to train either, they get fed either way.. This type of insecurity isn necessarily a bad thing, nor is it a criticism. But a man who has had relatively few partners is more likely to feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable, insecure, or just generally worried when a woman has had significantly more partners than him. ("Am I good enough/big enough/is she comparing me to other men/do I risk getting an STI/if she has sex so freely does she even care about me/etc.") The same is true with women, but we generally don tend to talk about it as much. I used one part micronized zinc, one part silk powder, and one part Pearl powder and then sometimes added micronized titanium dioxide as well. And a little dash of allantoin. Sometimes a little beige mica for just enough color to be able to see where I had applied it, because it was completely sheer and invisible without. I don't know about you, but their vegan burgers are gross and over priced. A lot of the bread at California Adventures that comes with hot dogs/chili has milk so be careful. All the sit down restaurants have options, I believe. "To proceed, then: Don Fernando finding my presence an obstacle to the execution of his treacherous and wicked design, resolved to send me to his elder brother under the pretext of asking money from him to pay for six horses which, purposely, and with the sole object of sending me away that he might the better carry out his infernal scheme, he had purchased the very day he offered to speak to my father, and the price of which he now desired me to fetch. Could I have anticipated this treachery? Could I by any chance have suspected it? Nay; so far from that, I offered with the greatest pleasure to go at once, in my satisfaction at the good bargain that had been made. That night I spoke with Luscinda, and told her what had been agreed upon with Don Fernando, and how I had strong hopes of our fair and reasonable wishes being realised.

[heartslogos]

the unclassified texts of the inquisition’s elite [6]

(205): We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"

/

(850): i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay

“Well,” Herah says as Ellana squints out the window of their motel room, “You better tell them that you’re okay. Josephine’s in the shower right now but you can have it after her.”

“Thanks,” Ellana says, “For some reason the outside light is okay but looking at my phone feels like someone’s jabbing my head with my brother’s sharp, sharp, bone-spur elbows.”

“Bone spur?”

“He once popped a pool floaty. I’m not sure how, I was like - six at the time and trying to stuff as much food in my mouth as possible before my parents found out I was in the kitchen. It was our cousin’s favorite one, it was shaped like a watermelon slice and I don’t think he’s forgiven us for it since.”

“So grudges go deep in the Lavellan family, huh? Good to know. Give me your phone, I’ll text Bull and the others that you’re fine.”

“But am I fine, Herah?” Ellana asks, “Am I really fine?”

“You’re dramatic, you’re being theatrical, and you’re doing yoga and sounding perfectly coherent. You’re better than most people after a night like that. What happened to you?”

“I’ll have you know I didn’t drink anything, I just got hit on the head a few times,” Ellana says, “I probably shouldn’t have gone to sleep without someone checking on that, but I was tired. I had a long day of being beat up and beating people up and escaping probable trafficking and maybe indentured servitude or. Like. Illicit shit like that.”

Herah pauses and erases what she had ready to send to the Iron Bull and sends a text to Stitches and Dalish instead for immediate medical attention.

She then sends the Iron Bull a quick text from her own phone to let him know that not only is his life-partner alive but she’s also probably caused some shit that they’re going to need to clean up before they head back to base.

“I think I stumbled on some sort of trafficking ring,” Ellana concludes. “If it’s trafficking people or drugs or weapons I’m not sure, I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. What are the chances, though, right? We’re on our way back from a long months long assignment to work on setting up our newest Inquisition base and we go out for one nice night before returning to work at Skyhold and I stumble upon some bullshit like that. Unbelievable, really. Hey, Herah, did I happen to throw up at all last night? I don’t remember that part.”

“Honestly, Ellana, we though you were drunk,” Herah says, “And Josephine and I took turns staying awake to make sure you didn’t kick it in your sleep until we were sure you were really okay. Maybe next time lead with recounting the violent encounter, yeah?”

“I was very tired.”

“We were very concerned,” Herah returns. “Put that skinny ass back in that shitty motel bed, Stitches and Dalish are on their way. I’m going to get breakfast.”

-

“First of all,” Ellana says, waving her phone at Mahanon, “What the fuck was Theron doing in our apartment? Second of all, why was he using Bull’s PS3? Third. Did no one tell our dumbass cousin that everyone in the family is some kind of queer except for him?”

“First of all,” Mahanon parrots back, “If you would read the family newsletter you’d know that our parents made us host Theron over for the past week while he was in the area because the Gray Wardens and the Inquisition have some kind of sub-contract thing going and we have good living accommodations on base in that we have a fucking apartment in official housing instead of a dorm or barrack situation. Second he was using it because you and the Iron Bull moved the PS4 to your room last weekend because you were doing some disgusting couple shit with it.”

“Hey,” Ellana jabs her finger at Mahanon, “Watching youtube videos of stupid cats being stupid while cuddling isn’t disgusting couple shit. That’s what you do when someone’s depressed and stressed out and you want to zone out but also aren’t in the general zip code for sex.”

“Third,” Mahanon continues, “Theron’s the dumbass cousin for a reason, what do you think anyone told him?”

“Oh my god, don’t tell me I’m going to have to explain the concept of open relationships and pansexuality and asexuality to Theron,” Ellana groans. “Elgar’nan why. Thirty-ish something years of being queer and it’s only become an issue now?”

“On the upside he’s not going to be a dick about it,” Mahanon says, “Thereon’s dumb but he’s nice. You’re going to be stuck with him being energetically supportive of you for the next fifteen or so years before some other new revelation strikes him.”

“Can I just tell him you’re the guy Bull went to have sex with and have him work that bit out?”

“No, because you’d still need to explain the concept of an open relationship to him,” Mahanon says, “And I don’t want any part of your drama.”

“You are about one third of all my drama at all times, I don’t see why you wouldn’t be part of the rest of it,” Ellana frowns. “Wait. Bull was meeting up with guys on the Play Station network for sex? Ugh, Mythal’s mercy, that man needs to set some fucking standards. Was he too lazy to stand outside our apartment door without a shirt? That’s all he needed to do if he wanted to get some genital action going. Ugh, what if he landed some weird rando? What do I do then? Ugh.”

“First you’ve go to deal with our well intentioned cousin,” Mahanon says, “And then you can worry about the gamer your life-partner might accidentally have brought into your lives. Maybe you should have Lyna explain it. She explained non-binary identities to him pretty well.”

“Okay, but have you ever managed to get ahold of Lyna and get an answer within twenty four hours? In contrast to Theron who’s replying to you as you’re texting him? I don’t think that’s going to work, Mahanon. I need an answer and I need it now.”

Ellana’s phone chimes and she glances down at it before letting out an irritated groan.

“And that’s the Iron Bull. Complaining about his booty call being very off putting now that he’s got clothes on and isn’t dying for some action. This is not my day, Mahanon. Boys, I swear to Sylaise, boys are not worth this much trouble.”

[workingclassdan]

All albums I listened to in 2017

1. David Bowie - No Plan (ep) 2. Ryan Adams - Prisoner 3. Gone is Gone - Echolocation * 4. The xx - I See You 5. The Flaming Lips - Oczy Mldy 6. Cloud Nothings - Life Without Sound 7. Japandroids - Near to the Wild Heart of Life 8. Foxygen - Hang 9. Ty Segall - Ty Segall 10. Camp Cope / Cayetana - Split EP 11. Cuddle Magic - Ashes/Axis 12. Hand Habits - Wildly Idle 13. Son Volt - Notes of Blue 14. Sun Kil Moon - Common as Light… (notable for shitness) 15. PVT - New Spirit 16. Steve Vai - Modern Primitive 17. Dirty Projectors - ST   (little bubble) 18. Middle Kids - EP 19. Father John Misty - Pure Comedy 20. The Waifs - Ironbark 21. Bruce Springsteen - (Odds & Rarities) 22. Thundercat - Drunk 23. Animal Collective - The Painters EP  (kinda bonkers) 24. Los Campesinos - Sick Scenes 25. Grandaddy - Last Place  (lost machine) 26. Methyl Ethel - Everything is Forgotten 27. Kingswood - After Hours, Close to Dawn 28. Holy Holy - Paint 29. Vagabon - Infinite Worlds 30. Spoon - Hot Thoughts  (do i have to talk you into it 31. Brian Eno - Reflection 32. The Shins - Heartworms 33. Laura Marling - Semper Femina * 34. Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - The French Press EP * 35. Temples - Volcano 36. Roy Buchanan - Telemaster Live in 75 37. Real Estate - In Mind 38. Depeche Mode - Spirit * 39. Mastodon - Emperor of Sand * 40. Drake - More Life  (Passionfruit) 41. Ben Wright Smith - The Great Divorce 42. Sleepmakeswaves- Made of Breath Only - (hailstones) 43. Aimee Mann - Mental Illness 44. Jesus and Mary Chain - Damage and Joy 45. Steel Panther - Lower the Bar 46. Evyltyde - Rising 47. Spiral Stairs - Doris and the Daggers 48. Julia Holter - In the Same Room * 49. Boss Hog - Brood X 50. British Sea Power - Let the Dancers Inherit the Party 51. Anjou - Epithymia 52. The Melker Project Remix 53. New Pornographers - Whiteout Conditions 54. Future Islands - The Far Field 55. Craig Finn - We All Want the Same Thing 56. Smith Street Band - More Scared of You Than You Are of Me 57. Cold War Kids - La Divine 58. Clark - Death Peak 59. The Black Angels - Death Song 60. Arca - Arca 61. Luke Howard - ? 62. Kendrick Lamar - DAMN. 63. Prince - ep 64. Incubus - 8 65. Amy Shark - Night Thinker ep 66. Mew - Visuals 67. Gorillaz - Humanz 68. Ryan Adams (b-sides) - 69. Tim Rogers - An Actor Repairs * 70. Feist - Pleasure 71. Bill Baird - Easy Machines 72. Bill Baird - Baby Blue Abyss 73. Thurston Moore - Rock n Roll Conciousness 74. Colin Stetson - All This I Do For Glory 75. Bob Dylan - Triplicate 76. Pond - The Weather 77. Alice Coltrane - The Ecstatic Music of Alice Coltrane 78. San Cisco - The Water 79. Doug Tuttle - Peace Potato 80. Big Walnuts Yonder 81. Perfume Genius - No Shape 82. Penguin Cafe - 83. Mac Demarco 84. Afghan Whigs - In Spades 85. At the Drive-In - interalia 86. Slowdive - Slowdive - falling ashes 87. Dead Letter Circus - The Endless Mile - Lines 88. Nick Murphy - Missing Link ep 89. Bob’s Burgers - s/t 90. Fleet Foxes - The Crack-Up 91. BNQT - Volume 1 92. Do Make Say Think - Stubborn Persistent Illusions 93. The Beatles - Sgt Pepper's 94. Dan Auerbach - Waiting on a Song 95. Ben Ottewell - A Man Apart 96. Bernard Fanning - Brutal Dawn 97. Roger Waters - Is This the Life We Really Want 98. Underground Lovers - Staring at You Staring At Me 99. Elder - Reflections of a Floating World 100. Half Waif - form/a ep 101. The Kills - Echo Home non-electric ep 102. Bleachers - Gone Now 103. Amber Coffman - City of No Reply 104. Marika Hackman - I’m Not Your Man * 105. Husky - Punchbuzz 106. U2 - (some bootleg of latest tour) 107. Alt-J - Relaxer  (3WW) 108. Beach Fossils - Somersault 109. Mount Eerie - A Crow Looked at Me 110. London Grammar - Truth is a Beautiful Thing 111. Lindsay Buckingham/Christine McVie - 112. Phoenix - Ti Amo 113. Sufjan Stevens, Bryce Dessner, Nico Muhly, James McAlister - Planetarium 114. Big Thief - Capacity Mythological Beauty 115. Kirin J Callinan - Bravado 116. The Magpie Salute - The Magpie Salute (Live) 117. Portugal. The Man - Woodstock 118. Lorde - Melodrama * 119. Royal Blood - How Did We Get So Dark? 120. Ride - Weather Diaries 121. Cigarettes After Sex - s/t 122. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard - Flying Microtonal Banana 123. Jeff Tweedy - Together at Last 124. Tara Jane O’Neil - s/t 125. Baby Driver soundtrack 126. UNKLE - The Road pt1 127. Silicon Valley soundtrack 128. Haim - Something to Tell You 129. Broken Social Scene - Hug of Thunder 130. Jay-Z - 4:44 131. Tex, Don & Charlie - You Don’t Know Lonely 132. Oh Wonder - Ultralife 133. Radiohead - OKNOTOK 134. Waxahatchee - Out in the Storm 135. U2 (live Vancouver) 136. Japanese Breakfast - Soft Sounds from Another Planet 137. DJ Shadow - The Mountain Will Fall 138. Vera Blue - Perennial 139. Lana Del Rey - Lust for Life 140. Nine Inch Nails - Add Violence ep * 141. Singles soundtrack deluxe 142. Arcade Fire - Everything Now 143. Boris - Dear 144. Perera Elsewhere - All of This 145. Manchester Orchestra - A Black Mile to the Surface 146. The Murlocs - Old Locomotive 147. Dan Sultan - Killer  (fire under foot, kingdom) 148. Fountaineer - Greater City, Greater Love 149. Benjamin Gibbard - Bandwagonesque 150. Juanita Stein - America 151. Saskwatch - Manual Override 152. Kid Koala with Emiliana Torrini - Music to Draw To: Satellite 153. David Rawlings - Poor David’s Almanac 154. Damian Cowell's Disco Machine - Get Yer Dag On! 155. Jen cloher - s/t 156. Queens of the Stone Age - Villains * 157. Paul Kelly - Life is Fine I smell trouble 158. Davey Lane - I’m Gonna Burn Out Bright 159. Mogwai - Every Country’s Sun 160. Alvvays - Antisocialites 161. Ben Frost - The Centre Cannot Hold 162. Grizzly Bear - Painted Ruins 163. Iron and Wine - Beast Epic call it dreaming 164. Gang of Youths - Go Farther in Lightness 165. Gold Class - Drum 166. King Gizzard and Mild High Club - Sketches of Brunswick East 167. Steven Wilson - To the Bone 168. The Preatures - Girlhood 169. Filthy Friends - Invitation 170. The War on Drugs - A Deeper Understanding 171. Chris Forsyth and the Solar Motel - Dreaming in the Non-Dream 172. LCD Soundsystem - American Dream 173. Cloud Control - Zone rainbow city 174. Liars - TFCF 175. Neil Finn - Out of Silence 176. Deerhoof - Mountain Moves 177. Jake Bugg - hearts That Strain 178. Gordi - Reservoir 179. Meg Mac - Low Blows 180. The National - Sleep Well Beast 181. Beaches - Second of Spring 182. Chad Vangaalen - Light Information 183. Nothing But Thieves - 184. Foo Fighters - Concrete and Gold 185. Tori Amos - Native Invader 186. The Belligerents - Science Fiction (Sorry to Say) 187. Rostam - Half-Light 188. Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions - Until the Hunter 189. Ariel Pink - Dedicated to Bobby Jameson 190. Davey Lane - Back/Here/Forward 191. Lisa Mitchell - When they Play That Song ep 192. Tired Lion - Dumb Days 193. Mastodon - Cold Dark Place ep 194. Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Luciferian Towers 195. Lee Ronaldo - Electric Trim 196. Neil Young - Hitchhiker 197. The Killers - Wonderful Wonderful 198. Hyla - Osaka 199. Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Vietnam War 200. Moses Sumney - Aromanticism 201. British India - Forgetting the Future 202. Matt Cameron - Cavedweller 203. Hammock - Mysterium 204. Ben Frost - Threshold of Faith 205. Philip Selway - Let Me Go 206. Prophets of Rage - s/t 207. Phoebe Bridgers - Starnger in the Alps 208. Pearl Jam - Let’s Play Two 209. Wolf Alice - Visions of a Life 210. Torres - Three Futures 211. Ibeyi - Ash 212. Wolf Parade - Cry Cry Cry 213. Liam Gallagher - As You Were 214. Andrew Bird - Echolocations: River 215. Bladerunner 2049 soundtrack 216. The Horrors - V 217. St Vincent - Masseduction 218. Kurt Vile & Courtney Barnett - A Lotta Sea Lice 219. Beck - Colors 220. Robert Plant - Carry Fire 221. Alex Lahey - I Love You Like a Brother 222. Destroyer - Ken. 223. William Patrick Corgan - wpc 224. Custard - The Common Touch 225. Love Migrate - Somewhere, Over the Mangroves 226. Protomartyr - Relatives in Descent 227. Polish Club - Alright Already 228. Ecca Vandal - s/t 229. Grooms - Infinity Caller 230. Lean Year - s/t 231. Kevin Devine - Instigator 232. King Krule - The Ooz 233. Portico Quartet - Art in the Age of Automation 234. Weezer - Pacific Daydream 235. Hans Zimmer et al (Blue Planet ll soundtrack) 236. Fever Ray - Plunge 237. Julien Baker - Turn Out the Lights 238. Jim Lawrie - Slacker of the Year 239. REM - Automatic for the People (25th Anniversary) 240. Angel Olsen - Phases 241. Stranger Things 2 (Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein) 242. Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats - Live at Red Rocks 243. Tame Impala - Currents (deluxe) 244. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard - Polygondwanaland 245. Sharon Jones - Soul of a Woman 246. Bjork - Utopia * 247. Aldous Harding - Party 248. David Gilmour - Live at Pompeii 249. Queen - News of the World (deluxe) 250. Stella Donnelly - Thrush Metal ep 251. U2 - Songs of Experience 252. Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds - Who Built the Moon? 253. Taylor Swift - Reputation 254. Kamasi Washington - Harmony of Difference 255. Wand - Plum 256. Weaves - Wide Open 257. Mavis Staples - If All I Was Was Black 258. Neil Young and Promise of the Real - The Visitor 259. Pony Face - Deja Vu 260. The Orbweavers - Deep Leads

Stray tracks: Hans Zimmer & Radiohead Lisa Hannigan - Oh! You Pretty Things Jarvis Cocker & Chilli Gonzalez Jack Whiter Glen Hansard (2) John Butler Trio Ryan Adams - back in your head Brian Eno & Kevin Shields Tropical Fuck Storm (2)

2016 catchups:

Ryley Walker & Charles Rumback Alex Isenberg Lisa Hannigan Margaret Glaspy Catfish and the Bottlemen Badbadnotgood 1 Mile North Chris Forsyth Peep Tempel Tash Sultana Rogue Wave Damien Jurado Love Migrate - Luke Howard Kaleo

[mementosfromhome]

Not All Heroes 1

N was, potentially, the most entirely androgynous person I had ever met.

To be fair, when I first met them my senior year, I wasn’t incredibly active within the LGBTQ community. I was barely beginning to understand and accept my own identity as a woman, let alone understand others’ identities. So, at the time, N’s incredible ability to convince people they were a woman one day, a man the next, and neither the following absolutely blew me away.

They worked at Snoozy’s—the on-campus café here at Vanderson U. Snoozy’s was a pretty relaxed employer downtown. They knew their audience well. Managers were the only ones who were really required to dress a certain way. So, every day, when I came in, I got to see N in a new getup.

As I stood in line, I studied them as they worked behind the counter. Their hair was blue and short, almost touching their shoulders. Yesterday, it had been green and tied up in a pigtail that weaved through the back of their uniform ball cap—not to mention that it had been about a foot longer. They wore studs shaped like spades in their ear lobes. There were no marks or holes where their auricle piercing had sat last week, nor any other scars on their fair skin that might tell of them having ever worn any other piercings.

I took a step forward in line. N’s eyes were clearer to me now. They were a rich blue, almost the color of the ocean. They were vibrant and shined in the moody light of the shop. If I hadn’t seen them with green, brown, and red contacts over the course of the past month, I might have assumed they were just blessed with the kind of eyes that drew you in.

Another step forward. I could see N’s body now. Even it gave little away about them. They wore no tattoos and their clothes were unisex and flat, giving away nothing more about them. I couldn’t help but wonder if they were intentionally hiding their sex or just impartial to how they were perceived; though, I assumed it was the former from their use of a single letter as their na-

“What can I get for you?” N asked, the cheerful flair of an employee dealing with customer #205 during their shift ringing in the back of their voice. Their voice was more feminine than masculine, but rode the line enough to firmly not give away any information about N or how they identified themselves.

“Uhm, can I get a chai tea latte please?” I replied, blinking as I snap back to reality.

“What size would you like that in?” N continued, their smile cracking on the edge of their lips as they tried to contain their amusement at my apparent air of detachment from the physical plane while reaching for a marker.

“Just a regular is fine,” I choked out, my cheeks warming in embarrassment.

“And can I get a name for that regular chai tea latte?” N had grabbed a cup to compliment her marker.

“M.” I replied firmly, yet still not fully grasping the word as it came out of my own mouth. I normally placed my order under my birth name. I wasn’t fully confident using any other name with strangers. I was getting better with my support group and those who knew, but… I was honestly scared. I don’t know what part of me grew the confidence to say my initial instead.

Of course, N didn’t know that. They cocked an eyebrow and pursed their lips. I couldn’t tell if they were offended, amused, or impressed. I know there was no way N knew me by name, but I was fairly regular. They had to know M wasn’t my full name. They must have thought I was mocking the name they had stamped across their nametag.

“Alright, M,” N said, my name biting and stinging the air around their tongue as they spat it. They marked the cup with a large, singular, letter M before I could manage to try to explain myself. “It’ll be just a minute.”

I stumbled out a thanks and hurried away to wait for my drink. N wasn’t the one to eventually hand it to me, and, after I grabbed it, I slid out the door and on to the rest of my life.

The next day, N was making drinks instead of working the register. Their appearance was mostly the same from the day before, but their hair was even shorter—barely peeking out of their cap—and a bright orange-red in color. I ordered my usual and went to sit in the corner to hide from N’s gaze as I waited.

Of course, that didn’t matter, as N was the one fixing my drink.

“Regular chai tea latte for M?” N called out, staring me down.

I blinked, glancing up at them. I couldn’t tell if they were challenging me, teasing me, or encouraging me. I know I had given the cashier my name, not just the letter M. I stood shakily and walked over to grab my drink. N’s gaze didn’t falter as I made my way to them and took the drink.

“Have a nice day, M,” N continued, still staring me down.

I squeaked out a, “you too,” and bolted for the door.

I wouldn’t have been surprised if they continued to watch my back as I left, but I didn’t really know.

This continued for the rest of the week—with N either calling me out as M or marking me down as M, depending where they worked. I was starting to feel like I’d made an enemy, although they did get less aggressive about it throughout the week. Despite this, I continued to not see N anywhere but Snoozy’s. I would have imagined, the way N carried themselves, that they would stick out like a sore thumb around campus. I didn’t know if our schedules just didn’t match up, or if they removed their wigs and clip-ons and contacts and looked so different during their classes that I had just passed them hundreds of times without knowing it. It was terrifying, realizing that, if I had pissed N off, they could be stalking me all the time and I wouldn’t know it.

On Friday, however, things changed up a little.

It was a slow day. The business school didn’t offer many Friday classes because a lot of the business students worked Fridays, so a chunk of the school was absent. When I entered the shop, the only other patrons were already enjoying their beverages.

So, naturally, N was able to ring me up—not even stopping to ask me what I wanted, merely scribbling it down on the cup as I walked up with a casual, almost bored, “the usual, then, M?”

“Yeah,” I replied a little too softly.

The lack of a line behind me gave N the opportunity to make the drink too and hand it right to me. “Have a good one,” they said—almost dismissively—as they turned to head into the back room of the shop.

I glanced down at my cup. Everything seemed normal about it—nothing in my drink, no hole in the cup….

And then I saw it. N hadn’t just written “M—CTL” on the side of the cup. N had written my first name followed by a phone number. It wasn’t my phone number. I could only assume it was N’s.

Was N flirting with me? Had my assertion somehow stirred up an infatuation within my acquaintance? I had to admit, I’d been thinking about them a lot too. It’s funny how the mind focuses so hard on the things we want to think about the least. Maybe they’d been dying to understand me too so we can both move on. I smiled a little. At the very least, it meant they wanted to talk about it. I slid out the glass door and headed to my classes, not worried if N was staring me down behind my back.

Part 2 ->

[past---caring]

The Glass Heard Around The World:Stonewall,Revolution, Truth & Legend

Past Caring takes a look through a personal and historical lens at the legacy of Stonewall,the figures who played a part in it and the following mobilization and activism and what the truth of the event and the shaping of its historical and legendary status conveys about the good and bad aspects of the lgbt community and rights movement. Historically accurate terms are used where they have been mentioned in sources and recollections. (A piece I did for Pride earlier this summer)

Sylvia Rivera with her partner Julia Murray and Christina Hayworth at the New York City Pride parade, 2000;Sylvia Rivera in her 40s;Bob Kohler,Sylvia Rivera and friend,1960s-70s; Storme Delaverie in her later years; Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera at the Christopher Street Liberation Pride March,June 1973;Marsha P Johnson at a march;Zazu Nova, Gay Liberation Front meeting,June ,1970; taken by Diana Davies, ;Sylvia Rivera in front of a fountain,1960s or 1970s;Sylvia Rivera and a friend 1970s;Gay Liberation Front on Times Square, 1969. Diana Davies, NYPL;Close up portrait photography of Storme Delaverie;Jackie Hormona with Gay Liberation Front banner, New York(1970); Miss Major at San Francisco Pride,2014 ;Sylvia Ray Rivera (front) and Arthur Bell at gay liberation demonstration, New York University, 1970 by Diana Davies;Raymond Castro ,young and old; Marsha P Johnson at a protest in the 1970s with a plaque saying “STAR people are beautiful people”.

The Stonewall Inn,Taken by Diana Davies in September 1969,New York Public Library.

The World before Stonewall.

As two-hundred and five odd people readied themselves for a Saturday night out at the Mafia-run Stonewall they lived in a world that hated them. Clyde Hoey had argued in 1950 that gay people were “security risks” and thus thousands of public sector applications were denied and contracts discharged. Loitering in toilets was a blacklisting offense with arrestees often listed in newspapers and homosexuals were barred from having professional licenses. The Post office would keep lists of addresses pertaining to those who engaged in a homosexual life and the FBI kept track of names too. Confinement to abusive mental institutions was common with California’s Astascadero Hospital described as “Dachua for queens” , and even castration was a possibility as during the period psychiatric views were influenced by the prejudice that saw the 1952 DSM declare homosexuality a mental illnesses. Prison was another avenue that could await. Come the 1960s only Illinois did not overtly ban homosexuality and New York’s Penal code caused terror and anxiety for those dressing outwith the gendered clothing expectations of the heterosexual establishment at the time with those like Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P Johnson , Delaverie and others expected to wear three pieces or more of clothing ‘appropriate’ to their gender. If not arrest was forthcoming.The Stonewall bar was breaking the law that day ,but it had to do so to exist. The early sixties saw New York impacted by Mayor Robert F. Wagner Jr’s order to revoke the liquor licenses of homosexual bars and entrap as many people as possible in the lead up to the 1964 world’s fair there. Stonewall was one instance of bars being run by the mob in this climate enabling the gay bars to exist  ,but with all the problems gang connections caused. Its owners were the Genovese crime family who had turned it into a gay bar in 1966 and handed over lump sums as payoffs to cops to keep things going as it had no liquor license. The bar was badly run with no running water, glasses were cleaned in a dirty bathtub of still water which gave some people hepatitis, there was no fire exits and the toilets overran constantly. Nowhere else was same-sex dancing allowed however so for the lgbt people who descended on it , for all its terrible flaws, it had elements of freedom they could not find in other bars or in their daily lives.

"Street Kids" including Jackie Hormona fighting with the NYPD,New York Daily News,(28th of June,1969)

At the time there was conflict between the more radical side of gay society, often those with the least to lose and the most oppression bearing down on them such as the not exclusive street kids, transgender people called drag queens or transvestites and sex workers and those who joined groups like the Mattachine society which was one of many groups to use the term “homophile” over gay thinking the former less sexual and thus more acceptable for heteronormative society. The decade leading up to the event was also influential due to things like the Civil Rights movement and Feminism which influenced terms like gay power(after black power) as slogans and the creation of the first gay university organization in the Student Homophile league at New York Columbia University from 1967. It was not even the first gay revolt against oppression by groups like the police. In 1959 the drag queens and sex workers who meet at Cooper’s Donuts despite the LAPD’s harassment fought back resulting in three arrests of those like John Rechy and the police’s baptism with donuts and coffee cups. In 1966 two other events occurred The Black Cat Tavern Riot in Los Angeles and the Compton’s Cafteria Riot in San francisco’s Tenderloin district. Susan Stryker has called the Compton raid the first known incident of collective militant queer resistance to the police in the USA. Following it the people who took part still faced multiple struggles but the community of San Francisco remembered it and would slowly learn from it.Friday Night at the Stonewall Inn….You are getting ready for your night out and find your way down to the Inn in your nightlife splendor. A bouncer looks through the peephole at you…If you are known by the doorman or look gay you get in easy otherwise it will be difficult to impossible as they needed to keep out undercover lily laws,alice blue gowns and betty badges.You give over three dollars and get two tickets to be swapped for two drinks to start your night off well. Signing your name in a book to prove it was a legitimate ‘bottle club’ you will often use a fake one with the aforementioned Judy garland a common choice.There is a jukebox and interior is black and pulsing and black lights are above,if the white ones come on then it’s a raid you will find out. The bar is mostly frequented by gay or bi cis men with some lesbians coming too. The trans women who were known as tranvestites usually and those who were known as queens or drag queens coverse and meet in the space in the smaller room and converse with friends. It was one of two bars where effeminate men ,wearing make up, who dressed in male clothing could go ,but despite the importance of transgender women in the events to come those in ‘full drag’ were seldom let inside as Sylvia Rivera noted later to Eric Marcus. Younger homeless adolescents try to get in so customers can buy them drinks and thus its as active outside as inside. The bar includes those of all races, ages, sexualities and genders unlike many of the other establishments…It is as Vito Russo said a place where the rich ,often blackmailed by the mob, white gay bankers and brokers of wall street mingled with those “too young,too poor or just too much to get in anywhere else”.As you mingle and dance Miss Major Griffin-Gracy meets a girlfriend and chats behind you, Maria Ritter,putting Steve behind her, arrives in a car at 10pm with her makeup artist friend Kiki in her mother’s empire waisted cocktail dress excited to celebrate her 18th birthday with her real id being shown to the bouncer instead of the laughable fake ones she had used before. The 17 year old Sylvia Rivera is there with her first lover at the bar for the first time in a bell bottoms suit with beautiful makeup and hair.Marsha ‘Pay it no mind’ Johnson is there with Zazu Nova..Is she carrying the large chain she often did for defence in her purse tonight? You see the dashing male impersonator Storme Delavernie and the faces of visitors like Raymond Castro and Martin Boyce who is in drag tonight as Miss Martin. Danny Garvin,once in the navy now lives like a hippy in an all-gay commune on Bleecker street in Greenwich and arrives.Two policewomen and two policemen have got by the bouncer and mingle undercover near you as they await a raid being planned by Seymour on behalf of the NYPD Public Moral Division in Greenwich Village. Stonewall had been raided recently before that day as well with minimum fuss. The recorded reason for the raid was the lack of a drinking license and bootlegging ,but as historian David Carter has noted, the mafia owner’s and manager’s blackmailing of their wealthier costumers made extortion more profitable than the liquor sales and due to lapsed bribery payments from this and thefts of negotiable bonds the police had other reasons to undertake the raid. Often when the fees were paid to the cops any raids that did have to happen were acts of theatre played out by the bar and policemen. That night no tip off had occurred like usual and as Duberman has recorded, a rumour some heard seemed false as it was said to be for much later than raids usually happened...

The Main Event.

At 1.20 am it finally comes. Four plainclothes policemen, two patrol officers and detectives Charles symthe and deputy inspector Seymour pine arrive at the doors announcing “POLICE!WE’RE TAKING THE PLACE!” Back up is called and the blinding white lights come up above you. People stop dancing and let go of each other quickly. Some veterans of this ritual run off ,but police bar the doors and thus it begins here. It starts. The cops gathered up 28 cases of beer and 19 liquor bottles while starting to check the documentation of the 205 odd patrons there. Morty Manfold discusses in Marcus’s work that to be arrested were “the transvestites”, “the underage” and “the undocumented without identification”. Pine would later note that he had not expected to need to arrest so many transvestites so duly he called for more police vans. Maria Ritter stood in her mother’s dress terrified about her possible arrest ,but also that she would be pictured in the clothing she felt more comfortable in a newspaper or television report which her mother would see. She knew what “happened to queers in jail” and it scared her. While some were freed after 15 minutes the other wagons began to arrive. Around this time Marty Robin and Morty Manford say that Marsha P Johnson threw a shot glass at a mirror and said “I got my human rights”. Although Carter’s work notes how often these accounts of her taking action first came almost always from secondary or third hand sources he ends by arguing whether she was first to take action or not she was almost certainly ONE of the first. Jackie Hormona ,the bleach blond kid in the most famous stonewall image, is equally a possible person to have first acted. Jerry Hoose arriving at the scene later due to his friend John Goodman’s phone call was told that “Hormona had kicked a cop, maybe,or punched a cop” and thus everything got going. As Carter argues no single person can be deemed the only agent to act and thus cause events all by themselves…A large group in unison came to the conclusion that fighting back was necessary.Marie Ritter notes how those who were to be taken in were kept together within Stonewall’s coat closet ,something that she notes was extremely ironic. During the searches of people Micheal Fader notes that some lesbians were touched up during their frisk rousing more tension and anger. Those released did not fade into the night and privacy like usual to escape..Most stayed and the crowd outside grew. Joel S ,one of the first related how the crowds outside gathered and milled around. Nearby as the crowd grew the Village Voice employee Howard Smith saw it in the offices with his bincholars and went down meeting the writer for the paper Lucian Truscott.The couple, Danny Garvin and Keith Murdoch were discussing the black panthers leading the revolution to come soon when they saw the crowd as well and joined it.The journalists mentioned would portray it homophobically discussing limp wrists ,but as those not to be arrested were freed and joined friends outside they are described as playing to the crowd some bowing and one person saying hello fella to the detective at the door. Some people were handled roughly Smith noticed as they left. The first police wagon was loaded with the mafia members to cheers by the crowd then regular employees to cries of “gay power” and the singing of we shall overcome. A second arrived with the doorman and bartender and three transvestites and drag queens from inside were put in and took away to boos.Then a lesbian in masculine clothing was took out roughly in handcuffs. Some people state that other butch women were arrested at this point as well.  This “typical New York butch” was hit on the head with a baton for, as one witness said, complaining of her handcuff’s tightness. Storme’ Delarverie, a male impersonator, has been identified by different people as the woman, including by herself. In a 2008 interview for Curve magazine Storme’ told Patrick Hinds that it was her and that she was told to “move along, faggot” to which she refused thus being clubbed in the face. A butch woman, perhaps this same woman, Storme or otherwise, was then put into a car with the door unlocked and numerous times got out the other unlocked door to cheers. After around ten minutes they were apprehended and took off. Whither it was the same woman or different women the action of a lesbian arrestee being hurt at this point and a cry by the same woman saying “why don’t you guys do something?’ prompted the crowd to surge forward and start throwing things. Rumours spread of the supposed unpaid bribe so people started throwing coins shouting faggot cops, pigs and lets pay them off. A nearby building site provided bricks for throwing too. Roy McCarthy arrived as the fireworks kicked off and noted high heels flying. Different drag queens and transvestites were noted to have hit policemen with their heels and handbags.This led to prejudiced figures like the New York Daily News Jerry Lisker joking about how the transgender women and crossdressers involved were “exhibiting Queen Power” and throwing “femme fatale missiles”. While others like Raymond Castro were put into wagons to cries of “let him go” they thought back with Raymond resisting and knocking cops to the ground.He would later get a laywer to represent himself in relation to the crimes he was charged with ,but in addition paid for a lesbian woman’s fees who had been in the same wagon.Someone else threw a drink at a cop leaving him bleeding and thus he got partners to aid him in beating the supposed culprit until he was dazed. Marsha ,Heide suggests, became a force to be reckoned with, throwing rocks and screaming, like “Molly Pitcher in the revolution” he said. 

As people’s fury was unleashed in so many ways Pine ordered the police there to flee into the inn away from the hundreds of people there. As Morty Manford notes once they were inside the second floor window was smashed by someone leading to people saying ooh ,a cop with a gun threatened people with it through the door and a fire was started. Edmund White and Fader also discussed how “some adorable butch hustler boys” pulled up a parking meter using it as a battering ram. Roy McCarthy jumped on a cop in the chaos and was beating him before it turned around and he was left seeing starts until four transgender women saved him and patched him up in a basement. After around 45 minutes the TPF(Tactical Police Force) arrived in riot gear. Vito Russo and others mention how the TPF were tainted from behind by transvestite women and crossdressers in a rocket style kick line singing “we are the stonewall girls,we wear our hair in curls,we wear no underwear,we show our pubic hair!”.Bob Kohler saw the clash with the TPF while walking his dog and said it was a sign “the fun was over” as the “cops were totally humiliated” because “fairies were not supposed to riot” and this resistance made them want to kill. The fear they expressed is noticeable in Pine’s statement that it was the most terrifying night of his life despite the fact he was a veteran who had fought at the Battle of the Bulge.The kickline of people was attacked with nightsticks leaving one of the crowd to say “I felt rage” as people were being hurt “for what?a kick line.”

 By 4am the TPF cleared the street ,but Saturday 28th of June was a new day. People had woke from a sleeping spell to a new reality. Thirteen people were arrested, some hospitalized and four officers injured ,but as one person noted “there was a certain beauty in the aftermath of the riot” as people recognized “this was our street”. That is the thing about Stonewall…It was not the first case of revolt against oppressive authorities by lgbt people…It was not the first of many things. However it was the birth of a consciousness and reflectiveness in regards to lgbt history and events. Before and After Stonewall. BS and AS.

Close-up of handwritten chalk text on a boarded-up window of the Stonewall Inn (53 Christopher Street) after riots over the weekend of June 27, 1969.

The Continued Revolt and Aftermath 

While papers like the New York Times, New York Post and Daily News focused on events with the latter placing coverage on the front page , rumours spread through Greenwich that different revolutionary groups like the Black Panthers had caused it. People started expressing their affection in public with one witness describing “we were just out”. A fog stifling the reality of people’s lives and loves felt lifted. If you had went you would have seen graffiti brightening the walls declaring “drag power”, “they invaded our rights”, “support gay power” , “legalize gay bars” and the defiant statement after the raid: “we are open”. That morning Craig Rodwell and his partner Fred Sargeant printed and distrubted 5000 leaflets one saying: "Get the Mafia and the Cops out of Gay Bars." And others saying gay people needed their own establishments, that stonewall should be boycotted and that the Mayor had to investigate the "intolerable situation". Saturday night saw things continue with hustlers, street youths and queens being joined by police provocateurs , bystanders and even tourists. While fires were set off again a hundred policemen watched and arrested who they could. The road was blocked and only those sympathetic to the cause or gay themselves could pass, Sylvia Rivera watched as a friend pounced on a car trying to get through and Marsha broke a police windshield with a heavy object leading to a poor bystander to be targeted and beat by the police who didn’t see her do it. Those like Vito Russo joined as a crowd again until the TPF arrived at 2am on the 29th . It ended again at 4am. Monday the 30th and Tuesday the 31st saw not much action due to bad rain. On Wednesday Black Panthers and Yippies joined to create a thousand strong crowd standing in solidarity. The Village voice article by Howard Smith and Lucian Truscott was published that day with homophobic language and slurs a plenty stoaking anger and leading to more clashes. The police ever angrier left young people, many who were queens, lying bleeding on the street  ,but people still stated “the word is out. Christopher Street shall be liberated”. The bar itself went up for rent soon after ,but the street,all streets would be liberated. The inn had birthed a new movement and could fade away:its job done.

Photo taken on the second night of the riots of some of the Street Kids by Fred McDarrah.Lanigan-Schmidt is in the stripped shirt. He knew the other young people by their street names included Twiggy,Black Twiggy,Missy,Besame and Drag Queen Chris.

Elsewhere The Mattachine’s annual picketing at Independence Hall,Philadelphia on the 4th of July the air was electric. Organiser Craig Rodwell who felt things had to change convinced people to exhibit affection publicly at it. The press attention was more than any other march by them. Rodwell returned to New York with plans for Christopher Street Liberation Day in mind. At the same time an ad hoc meeting of Mattachine New York to organize a march turned into an organization the Gay Liberation Front. The group told a underground work The Rat “we are a revolutionary homosexual group” and that they believed sexual liberation was tied to abolishing existing social institutions. Solidarity was emphasized with them saying “We identify ourselves with all the oppressed: the Vietnamese struggle, the third world, the blacks, the workers…all those oppressed by this rotten, dirty, vile, fucked-up capitalist conspiracy”. A paper called the Gay was started within six months due to the Village Voice’s refusal to print the word Gay in GLF ads within it. The GLF became increasingly tied to big theories and discussion regarding all oppression over community action for gay people in the eyes of those like Bob Kohler. A friend and ally of Sylvia Rivera ,who had been at Stonewall, he was attempting to get clothes and money through it to help the homeless youths so instrumental to the revolt. He was met by a discussion on capitalism’s downfall instead. December 1969 saw the creation of the GAA(Gay Activists Alliance) in response who were concerned with liberating homosexuals and focused only on this fight for  rights and resources.Both groups however would come together for protests against other raids and for the Stonewall march that began the following year. Some of their victories during this time was having homosexuality removed from psychiatric handbooks as a mental illness in 1973 with the American Psychiatric Association gaining a caucus of lesbian and gay psychiatrists in 1978.

Pride and Today  

The 28th of June 1970 saw Pride as we know it born with the first annual Christopher Street Liberation march in New York, Los Angeles and Chicago. From these earliest days however when the victories of the revolt were so close to hand the massaging of history to fit different perspectives was already beginning. One reader wrote to the Advocate in 1970 saying the parade had done more harm than good as “silly freaks” “those queens” were lowering the movement’s image in his eyes prompting him to sniff “where were the normal looking” gay men from colleges and so forth? Dick Griff in a letter replying stated “It was the drag queens who fought back last year!Not we closet queens!”. Just over a year after Stonewall the outsiders of the lgbt community who had been so instrumental were already having their agency and momentous actions ignored. Their presence was unwanted.Those like the Gay Activist Alliance and Lesbian Feminist Liberation ,like the Mattachine before them , following the revolt began to champion assimilation so that laws like the proposed Anti-Discrimination Bill Intro 475 would view them as worth protecting.Those who stuck out and were different be it due to their class, race, gender identity, homeless status and more brought down the rest of the community. In response the GLF asserted their commitment to LGBT people of all backgrounds including  transgender people  attracting many trans activists ,but the climate was against them.  Stonewall’s homeless Street Kids ,and  transgender women ,grouped under terms like drag queens or transvestites at the time, became liabilities while on the day of Stonewall they had been indispensable. Marsha told Bob Kohler in an interview how upon attending GAA meetings they would notice everyone looking at her and Sylvia because “they’re not used to seeing transvestites in female attire”. Transgender people were therefore kicked off the anti-discrimination bill in hopes it would pass. Another example of this alienation that groups, especially transgender people faced as the gay rights movement grew, is that of a 1973 New York Liberation rally where Sylvia Rivera jump on stage with Lee Brewster following a speech by the early TERF Jean O’Leary in which Sylvia cried “You go to bars because of what drag queens did for you,and these bitches tell us to quit ourselves” before she asked them “how dare you???”. Whither because of transphobic prejudiced views concerning trans people,Second Wave Feminism being famous for this, or the need to exclude them and all other people who did not fit a white,cis, often middle class standard, to latch onto any aspect of acceptance by straight society that they could due to privileged, groups like trans women were coldly excluded from the fight. In answer those who were not accepted fought their own fights when others would not return their support. For instance Marsha and Sylvia formed Street Transvestite(eventually transgender from 2000) Action Revolutionaries (STAR)  in 1970 which provided safety and help for transgender people in a myriad of terrible situations such as living on the street or in prison. Marsha who was HIV Postive would later support and march for many AIDS causes. Miss Major Griffin-Gracy also started providing for her community with an early service run by her from 1978 in San Diego providing help for trans women in prison,addicted to drugs or homeless.She has now worked tirelessly into her 70s for many groups.

Aids would rock the LGBT community to its very core and would take the lives of people who had been at Stonewall. It both brought people together as they had to care for each other when no one else would. This is something my own mother as a charity worker saw in 1993 while helping a man care for his partner who was dying and trying to convince doctors to treat him. At the same time however the dangers of the crisis made some feel all the more that gay identity had to be portrayed in a rigid way to ensure people were accepted.It has been 48 years now since the revolt. Its victories stand alongside its failings…Mobilizing requiring a homogeneous group in some people’s views....The events of the night being shaped to fit the ideology of the gay rights movement in the 1970s onwards. While works like Pay it no Mind ,about Marsha, give us stories of figures on the night that need heard , other things like the film Stonewall have took to the views that exclusionary groups have presented.

Today the fights for all lgbt people,not just a specific group, to have the rights,safety and support in their lives they need still goes on. We need to read the true tales from stonewall in order to get past the conflict we have dealt with in past decades….We need to remember the lives behind it …Mourning those veterans of it like Marsha and Sylvia who died young as well as caring for our elders like Miss Major and Storme Lavernie(who sadly passed away in inadequate care practically forgotten). Yes pride is for celebrating ,but we need to all come together in unison against the institutions around the world which impact LGBT people negatively instead of mistreating each other or assuming the fight is over. The truth of Stonewall is beauty and the beauty of the people involved acting as one on that night is truth. We need to speak Stonewall’s truths every moment so it lives on forever…Not give way to the type of hate it was sparked by.

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[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Twenty-Eight : STONEWALL

50 years to this day. I was really looking forward to this one. (breathe) (breathe again) (keep breathing). With three articles left, we’ve come to the most important of them all. Think of it as Game of Thrones’s 9th episode of the season. Today, we’re talking about America in the 60s, how the Stonewall Inn became the set of such remarkable events and what the Riots of 1969 have left of as a legacy (Spoiler : close to everything).

GETTING RID OF THOSE FAGS : 60s EDITION

The end of the Second World War saw a need for the American population to “restore the prewar social order and hold off the forces of change”. Now, let’s make it clear. Homosexuals were not a welcome bunch before the war. But starting with the 50s, their life became considerably more difficult. A witch hunt of Anarchists, Communists and Homosexuals started. With the creation of a list of known homosexuals by the U.S. State Department and the F.B.I, came the firing of thousands of government employees either homosexuals or under the suspicion of sodomy. No pity. In a 1950 report, an investigation from the Senate noted “it is generally believed that those who engage in overt acts of perversion lack the emotional stability of normal persons” and “sex perverts in Government constitute security risks”. The 60s saw a rise in the homosexual population in NYC. More and more young queers would run away (of be thrown out) from home and take refuge in an up-and-coming neighborhood, Greenwich Village. The risks were heavy (frequent raids of bars and cops all over the streets ready to arrest you for less than nothing) but at least, for the first time ever, homosexuals were able to meet and discover what would soon become a community. In David Carter’s book Stonewall, it is said “it has often been pointed out that no specific statute outlawed being homosexual, that only homosexual acts were illegal. While this is technically true, the effect of the entire body of laws and policies that the state employed to police the conduct of homosexual men and women was to make being gay de facto a crime”.

By 1961, American laws reprimanding homosexuals were harsher than those in Cuba, Russia or East Germany. If you were to have sex with another adult of the same gender in the privacy of your home and got caught, you could get anything between a light fine to life in prison. Loitering in public toilet became a new law, just as laws concerning “sex psychopaths” in at least 20 states. Sentences on sodomy were harshened while professional licenses could be revoked on the basis of your sexuality, making it impossible to survive.

It would be a mistake to think that no attempt at organizing and change laws were made until that fateful night of 1969. Many protests that preceded the Gay Rights movement were made starting in Los Angeles in 1959. Between 1964 and 1968, numerous protests were held in L.A, New York City, San Francisco, Philadelphia. Some were organized, some were not.

Several amazing activists like Dick Leitsch (1935–2018) and Craig Rodwell (1940–1993) were pioneers in smart marketing actions and counter attacking the Police. Leitsch was instrumental in stopping the automatic shut down of bars and clubs that would serve known homosexuals and in ending the campaign of police entrapment while Rodwell opened in 1967 the first openly gay bookstore, the Oscar Wilde Memorial Bookshop and is considered by some as the leading gay rights activist of the early 60s. I digress, I know. There’s so much to talk about.

ANYWAY, organizations like One, Inc and the Mattachine Society (initially created by a communist activist in 1950, so you can see how easy  the link between chasing communists and homosexuals was made back then) were more and more vocal about the treatment of their kind by the government. BUT only in big cities and only in very small and peaceful gatherings of people. Not powerful enough. Queer people were too scare to organize fully, and I kind of get it. If you were too feminine to pass for a heterosexual, you would end up on the streets, selling your body for a penny. If you were discovered with another man, your life was ruined. Frequent raids in homosexual clubs by incognito cops (who would sometimes go as far as exposing themselves to lure you into an inappropriate situation) were not appealing to the masses.

“Thankfully”, the social repression of the post-war climate resulted in a cultural revolution in Greenwich Village. Beat generation poets like Ginsberg and Burroughs (who were not hiding their sexualities) moved there. Their personalities and writings attracted liberal-minded people to the neighborhood, giving more space to the slowly-forming gay community. Interestingly enough, none of the bars frequented by gay men and lesbians in the Village were owned by gay people. Most of them were controlled by organized crime. Those places were terrible, with poor treatment of clientele and watered-down drinks but the mafia was paying off the police so gays kept coming back.

The Stonewall Inn, located at 51 and 53 Christopher Street, was owned by the Genovese crime family, because of the interest of the son of one of the important mafioso, called Fat Tony, for gay businesses and the exploitation of this minority. Originally a regular straight bar in ruins, it was turned into a gay establishment in 1966. The Stonewall Inn had no liquor licenses, but that didn’t keep the drinks from being poured. It was the only gar bar in New York City where dancing was allowed but otherwise, this bar was a shit show.

All the bribes didn’t keep police raids away — just averaging them to once a month. During a typical raid (that the owners knew in advance due to police tip-offs), the lights were turned on, the customers were lined up and their ID cards checked. Those without IDs and dressed in women’s clothes were arrested while the rest of them would be left alone. The police would leave and the party would continue. The short period before June 1969 saw an increase of raids and the closing of the Checkerboard, the Tele-Star and two other clubs in Greenwich Village.

JUNE 28th, 1969

On the night of Friday, June 27th to Saturday, June 28th, 1969, revolution began. You also have to remember that the events that occurred that night divert from one person to another and we might never completely know how it truly went down, here’s two things everyone who had been at the Stonewall Inn that night could agree on : what happened had happened fast and it had been entirely spontaneous.

At 1:20 am, four plainclothes policemen in dark suits, two patrol officers in uniform, a detective and a deputy arrived at the Stonewall Inn’s and announced “Police! We’re taking the place!”. Four undercover police officers had entered the bar earlier to gather evidence of immoral evidence and the Public Moral Squad was waited outside for their signal. The music was turned off and the lights were turned on. 205 patrons were inside the bar that night. A few that understood what was happening started to run for doors and windows in the bathrooms, but the police kept them inside. The raid turned badly from the start. Clients dressed as women refused to follow female officers to the bathroom so that they could verify their gender identity (the procedure at the time. Yeah.) and many refused to produce their identifications.

The police decided to take everyone who did not cooperate to the police station AND take the bar’s alcohol in the process. Fortunately, the patrol wagons had not yet arrived and the arrested clients were told to wait in line for about 15 minutes. Those free to go were told to leave by the front door but this time, they did not run away. They stayed outside the bar as a crowd began to grown and watch. By the time the time the first wagon arrived, the crowd was ten times the number of people arrested. The first to be put in wagons were the mafia owners and that did not create any anger inside the crowd. Edmund White, who was passing by, recalled “Everyone’s restless, angry and high-spirited. No one has a slogan, no one even had an attitude, but something’s brewing”.

A transvestite was shoved by a police officer while getting escorted to a wagon and responded with hitting him with her purse. A lesbian in handcuffs, identified as Stormé DeLarverie, escaped repeatedly, fought with four police officers and screamed at the crowd “Why don’t you do something ?” before being hit on the head with a baton. Rumors of some patrons still stuck inside the Stonewall Inn being beaten and lesbian being molested started to spread around the 150–200 people around the bar. The crowd became a mob and “it was at that moment that the scene became explosive”.

I used this expression way too many times this past month but it’s never been more appropriate now : SHIT JUST HIT THE FAN. The police became overwhelmed by the response of the bystanders, knocking a few people down in panic, which gave more rage to the crowd. Those handcuffed in the back of the wagons were left unattended, which allowed some of them to escape. Two of the police cars left immediately when they saw the angry mob trying to overturn the police wagon, creating even more panic for those police officers left. Coins sailed through the air towards the police as the crowd shouted “Pigs!” and “Faggot Cops!” — remember, it might not all be 100% accurate but DAMN. By that time, at least 500 people were kicking the shit out of the police force, throwing beer cans and screaming at the top of their lungs. The police retaliated with everything that they had, forcing some to found shelter near a construction site. nevertheless, it wasn’t enough. 10 police officers barricaded themselves inside the Stonewall Inn, taking with them several detainees with them for their own “safety”. Garbage cans, bottles, rocks and bricks were thrown at the building, breaking the windows.

And now a quick flashback to yesterday’s articles. I told you that Marsha P. Johnson was known to had thrown the first brick at Stonewall, starting the Gay Rights Movement in the process ? Well, it’s a great story and it suits Marsha but it ain’t true. Johnson, though designated by many as one of the three individuals to have started the pushback, said herself in 1987 that she had arrived at around 2:00 am after hearing about the riots and informing her friend Sylvia Rivera and that the riots had already started. Nevertheless, someone reported that Marsha threw a shot glass at a mirror in the torched bar (Oops, spoilers) screaming “I got my civil rights!” and it became famous as “the shot glass that as heard around the world”. Well, almost definitely a legend.

Back to our regular broadcast.

The mob spirit was at full speed. Parking meters were uprooted from the streets and used to kick the doors in. They lit garbage on fire and stuffed it through the broken windows. The police grabbed a fire hose but break the crowd but the water pressure was low and it did nothing but encourage the people to go harder on them. When the demonstrators broke through the windows and the door flew open, the police officers pointed their weapons at them, threatening to shoot. Someone squirted lighter fluid into the bar and lit it. 45 minutes had passed since the beginning of the raid. That’s when the fire trucks AND the Tactical Patrol Force (TPF) arrived at the scene to free the police officers trapped inside the Inn. One passerby said “I had been in enough riots to know the fun was over… The cops were totally humiliated. This never, ever happened. They were angrier than I guess they had ever been, because everybody else has rioted… but the fairies were not supposed to riot. No group had ever forced to retreat before, so the anger was just enormous. I mean, they wanted to kill.” The TPF formed rectangular mass formation, marched slowly and started to push the crowd back. The mob openly mocked the police. Some were singing :

We are the Stonewall Girls We wear our hair in curls We don’t wear underwear We show our public hair

As the line got into a full kick routine, the police rushed in a cleared the crowd. One account said “I just can’t ever get that one sight out of my mind. The corps with nightsticks and the kick line on the other side. It was the most amazing thing (…) I think that’s when I felt rage. Because people were getting smashed with bats. And for what ? A Kick line”.

Participants were chased through the street by police (as they were in bigger numbers, it was easier for them). But do not think the mob got overpowered by the pigs. Oh no. They kept on running and coming back to the Stonewall area and started overturning police cars that were blocking the streets. To some reports, it was the crowd that was screaming “Catch Them!” to the police officers running away. It took until 4 am for the streets to be cleared out. Thirteen people in total had been arrested. Some were hospitalized, and four police officers were injured in the fight. The Stonewall Inn was destroyed. Pay phones, toilets, mirrors, jukeboxes. All smashed. By the morning hour, the feeling of electricity and rebellion was still in the air. This was not over.

ROUND TWO

News of the riot were quickly known to all, inside and outside Greenwich Village. The New York Times, the New York Post and the Daily News all covered the events during the night, with the latter putting it on its front page. All day, people came to take a look at the Stonewall Inn or what was left of it. Graffitis were written on the walls. “The invaded our rights”, “Legalize gay bars”, “Support Gay power”, “Drag power” and… “We are open”. 

That very night, it all happened again. Opinions differ on which night was more violent but the attitude was different. A form of structural unison was present, and the demonstrators — most of those from the previous night — were showing their true selves openly for the first time. Hugging, kissing, holding hands. “We were just out. We were on the streets” said one witness. Thousands of people gathered in front of the Stonewall before being dispatched all around the neighborhood to keep police force to intervene. They surrounded buses and cars, harassing occupants to either admit their homosexuality or their allegiance to the gay cause. 

Marsha P. Johnson (yes, and this time, it’s more solid information) climbed a lamp post and dropped a heavy bag onto the hood of a police car, shattering the windshield. Fires were once again started in garbage cans. More than a hundred police officers were trying to contain the situation and little after 2 am, the TPF showed their faces again. For the next two hours, war was upon Christopher Street and its surrounding blocks. Demonstrators were arrested, with their companions fighting back to free them. Dozens of people were hurt and bled heavily from baton kicks. At 4 am, it was over.

When recalling the events, Allen Ginsburg said to a friend “you know, the guys there were so beautiful. They’ve lost that wounded look that fags all had 10 years ago”.

AFTERMATH

At the annual picketing in front of Independence Hall in Philadelphia (organized by the Mattachine Society) on July 4th, there was some sense that things were changing. People who felt oppressed now felt empowered. Many, moved by the two nights of rebellious spirit, started attending organizational meetings, with the intent to take advantage of the opportunity for the better. But not everyone in the not-so-community was happy about what happened on Christopher Street. Older homosexuals, many members of the Mattachine Society, were embarrassed by the display of violence and effeminate behavior during those nights, as they tried for years to convince the general population that homosexuals were no different to heterosexuals. Early homophile activist Randy Wicker said “screaming queens forming chorus lines and kicking went against everything that I wanted people to think about homosexuals… that we were a bunch of drag queens in the Village acting disorderly and tacky and cheap”. Anyway. Rodwell (remember him ?) left the July 4th demonstration with a strong determination to change the established ways to get attention. All that led the creation of the Gay Liberation Front and the Christopher Street Liberation Day AKA the first pride — but that’s a story for tomorrow.

As for the Stonewall Inn ? By October 1969, it was up for rent. Rodwell’s boycott and the too-notorious riots discouraged business from interfering. Another Stonewall Inn was opened in Miami in 1972 under the same management but burned down two years later. The original Stonewall Inn was eventually leased as two separate spaces to a number of different businesses over the years. The historic vertical sign was removed in 1989 after the closure of the a two-year-life bar. Someone leased the place again with a new name but a year later came back to the original name.

Since 2006, Stonewall Inn has been owned and operated by the same person. It has been listed as a National Historic Landmark in the early 2000s and on June 24th, 2016, the Stonewall National Monument, which is directly across the street from the Stonewall Inn, was put together as the first U.S. National Monument dedicated to the Queer Rights Movement. And just so you know, I bursted crying about 6 times since I’ve started the article. This one’s the hardest.

WHAT NOW ?

First of all, do not watch the biopics about Stonewall (there’s two, and I’m not even gonna name them or their release dates because they’re horrible. Everybody’s white, no transgender people anywhere, it’s shit, shit, SHIT). Go read the overly-detailed book by David Carter named Stonewall (duh) or watch the documentary that followed called Stonewall Uprising if you want to know more that my mere 3,000+ words.

Second… Well, everything talked about in my previous articles comes directly from that life-changing night of June 28th, 1969. And so much more.

I get to have a boyfriend, to openly say that I’m queer, to write Queer articles about our struggles to at least a dozen people, struggles and beauty.

That’s all because of what happened at Stonewall Inn. Landmarks are not my thing. I do not care about buildings. When Notre-Dame burned, I was like “well, that’s too bad”. If the Tour Eiffel was to disappear, I wouldn’t cry over it. That’s because I have no emotional attachment to those kinds of things. Surprisingly, I do feel an attachment to 51–53 Christopher Street, although I’ve never been there. I don’t believe in ghosts and every time I think of this place, I feel surrounded by the spirits (alive or dead) of the only queer ancestors that we have. Because our History has been erased time after time after time. To the world, we’ve been nothing. A error of judgement from a god that doesn’t exist. Not after June 28th, 1969. 50 years ago, some homeless queers and good-for-nothing drag queens and ignored black trans women impacted our world so much that from this day on, we couldn’t be ignored.

I feel immense gratitude towards those people. That’s why I always ask Queer people I met if they know about Stonewall. Most of them in France do not. Well, they should. This article might give you a general idea of what happened but I truly invite you to go look further for yourself.

We, as Queer people, need our History to be remembered. And to make it official, it started at Stonewall.

PS the cover photo is the ONLY picture from that night. It shows Queer homeless youth trying to resist police force. The rest of the picture were taken from other nights of protests. Just so you know.

[moonsault-fics]

Extreme Deadline Exchange Letter!

Dear Exchange Writer: thank you for taking part in my favorite exchange and being willing to write one of my requests!

An advance apology: I’ll have family visiting when the collection goes live—I’m hoping to have time to get to my gift quickly anyway, but if I run late on my response, that’s why.

General likes: Gen and slash are both fantastic. Romance can range from pre-slash (I actually love relationships written as just a shade more emotionally intense than canon but not explicitly romantic) to NC-17.  Mutual pining, I love mutual pining, especially if it’s eventually reciprocated (but angsty mutual pining that doesn’t get consummated is great too!)  I love dubcon and just about any scenario where characters are forced into sex that they want but refuse to admit they want, maybe even to themselves—and that desire can remain angstily unacknowledged or enthusiastically consensual by the end.  I really like stories about the actual world of wrestling—I love plotted-out fantasy bookings, descriptions of feuds and matches, details of life on the road or backstage moments, etc.  On the other hand, I also enjoy non-mundane AUs—fantasy, science fiction, spies, pirates, feel free to go crazy!

I’m fascinated by the Firefly Funhouse right now and the possibilities for brainwashing and weird dubcon scenarios with any possible pairing.  I’m not usually into ageplay, but I could definitely have a taste for an attempted rescue of a mentally-deaged character that goes horribly wrong and sex is required to snap someone out of it or get Bray to let them go. Non-sexual scenarios are also interesting—Sami having to deal with a Kevin wiped back to a teenager could be super angsty gen or non-sexual romance as well.  Physical de-aging seems possible too (though keep anything like that non-sexual, please, that would be a bridge too far for me).

DNW: Anything non-kayfabe compliant (the characters shouldn’t know the results of matches beforehand; no wallet names). Rape, non-con, infidelity—if you write sex or romance, please simply un-marry any married characters and remove their spouses from the story entirely. Alpha/omega dynamics. Rimming, scat, water sports, vore, daddy kink.

Requests:

Brian Kendrick: just about any character study or plotty fic with Brian!  What caused his recent change of heart?  How does he feel about his relationship with Tozawa and how does that alliance work behind the scenes?  Now that Jack Gallagher seems to be shifting face-ward, does Brian get in touch with him? And how does he feel about Daniel Bryan’s return from retirement and fall into darkness?  None of those relationships were in the tag set [update: I’m a blind dork I think all of them were nominated, I just... failed to see them.  Consider them on the table one way or the other!] and , but if you feel like writing any of them as romantic, feel free (but absolutely not required).  He lost his beard and cut his hair recently and immediately looked 15 years younger—how do he or others feel about that?  And he’s said that he still dreams of wrestling Daniel Bryan—if you want to fantasy-book that match with Bryan, that would be lovely.

Sami/Kevin; oh gosh, anything at all. Gen, pre-slash, slash; from fluffy to romantic to angsty to downright dark; from their earliest days to right now to a hypothetical future.  I’d love something from a champfuck beltworld AU where a battered, bruised Sami is required to have sex with new NXT champ Kevin (though please keep it dubcon and have Sami secretly or explicitly be into it by the end).  More recently, how did Sami feel, watching Kevin have fun with New Day, and how did he react to Kevin’s turn on Kofi?  What happened when they were both injured that led to their friendship apparently cooling off?  They teamed up against New Day on the European tour—did they get along outside the ring as well?  I am a sucker for mutual pining with these two and will not complain if you literally write them as having pined for each other for 16 years, I don’t care how implausible that is. On the kink front, with this pairing blood play, pet play, and informal BDSM are all delicious.

For Kevin or Sami alone: any piece about their motivations or storylines at the moment!  I'm fascinated and wracked up by where they both are emotionally right now, broken and miserable and cut off from human connection, whether with the fans or other wrestlers. Explore what you feel about their situations, fantasy-book them a path out of the misery, both are good.  You can write a story about Kevin without Sami, or about Sami without Kevin, that's fine--but please don't write either of them in a pairing with another character, they're the OTP that I cannot multiship (Kevin being married is fine if he's not attracted to Sami, though!)

Naito/Hiromu: Either as comrades or as lovers! I love their dynamic, where Hiromu’s passionate caring about things breaks down Naito’s shell of not-caring.  This is another great one for mutual pining, since there are some compelling reasons why Naito wouldn’t want to risk coming on to a subordinate and Hiromu, for all his brashness, might be hesitant to risk the rapport of LIJ.  Since it looks like Hiromu’s injury won’t end his career, feel free to write some h/c about his recovery, or to fantasy-book his return. Does Naito win the G1 in honor of him?  The two of them lost and bewildered on some hypothetical foreign tour that lets them explore an area you know well might be fun. And how does Hiromu feel about Naito’s complex relationship with the IC title?  I love the found family of LIJ, so feel free to include any or all of them in a fic as well.

Mustafa: Anything based on his recent switch to the main roster—his reactions to Daniel, his observations about other wrestlers. Does he miss 205 Live?  Have his relationships with the 205 wrestlers (who of course he still sees backstage every week) changed at all?  He wants a match with Kofi—a story fantasy-booking an eventual title match (maybe a win?) would be wonderful.  He’d be fascinating to see feuding or teaming up with Aleister Black—the darkness and the light.  And I think Bray would be fascinated with him as well, as a possible captive firefly in the dark.  I’d be happy with either gen or slash and would be amenable to seeing him with Daniel, Drew Gulak, or Aleister if you find any of those interesting.

Drew Gulak:  Drew seems to be spinning his wheels a lot right now.  Any reflection on his current status or fantasy-booking leading to title win at last would be great!  Why does he keep desperately forming factions and alliances, and why do they never seem to work out?  How does he feel about Jack and Humberto going off on their own, apparently?  If you want to go back to bad old times, does he have any memories of his days in the Zo Train and do those humiliations still drive him?  Does he miss Mustafa at all?  If you want to write slash, I happily ship him with Jack, Mustafa, Humberto or Tony, but gen is very welcome too.

[hwaryungrp]

SPOTTED! KIM SAERAN . 22.

Looks like they’ve been wandering around Hwaryung! You can find them living at RYEON APARTMENT #205 working at HOME AS A FREELANCE ARTIST or DRUG DEALING. If you can’t find them offline, feel free to message them @SaySaeran.

BIOGRAPHY

Even from birth Saeran Kim had been an intense child. The angry curve of their eyes, the stoic expression that continually painted their features, and the light pout to pink lips. Other children knew good and well to steer clear of the smallest child in the back of the classroom—the one that kept their head down and scribbled quietly with a box of crayons that if one even dared to touch would send them into a screaming fit

It wasn’t hard to see that even at such a young age, Saeran was angry. At what, well, it really just depended on the day. Most of the time it was over petty, little things. They were always the shortest child in all of their classes, their hands weren’t large enough to carry more than one bottle of juice at a time, their head ached. All of these things were enough to have the child wailing loudly. Teachers found themselves at a loss when it came down to him—what did they do with such a disruptive kid? How would they deal with that while they tried desperately to teach the others their numbers and letters? This often resulted in Saeran being sent home.

Despite his in-class outbursts, however, Saeran was a quiet child. They preferred sitting in their bedroom to playing outside. They spoke with a soft voice and only when totally necessary. They did not appreciate the company of other children. This worried his parents.

The Kim household was one of highly traditional values and expectations. Saeran was to do well in school. He would learn to handle himself accordingly in public situations. But riddled with anxiety and misplaced annoyances, this was increasingly difficult.

As Saeran grew, their relationship with their parents became strained. Of course, it had never been particularly strong to begin with, but as he began to find confidence in small ways, and his mouth began working faster than his self-control, fights became the norm.

Though Saeran is hesitant to call his parental upbringing abusive, the sharp slaps to his small face each time he spoke out of turn was enough conditioning to follow them into adult life.

Saeran’s family often worried about him. Be it his attitude being the reason he would never do well in the workforce, his lack of drive to do much else than draw in his room, or his sexuality that remained up for grabs well into his preteens (he rarely socialized, much less talked about dating) it was obvious that on levels that remained strictly images based, that his family cared.

Saeran, on the other hand, did not. Their clothes often full of holes, their hair shaggy and falling in their eyes, and their face set in a scowl. More than once his parents urged him to care about the way that he looked and more than once he ignored it.

That was until Saeran fully began to understand themselves. From a very young age, Saeran had felt different. That could have been applied to a lot of things about him, but his identity was certainly one that remained the highest on his list of things that he felt out of place about. His eyes would linger on girls—not because he liked them or felt any sort of attraction, but because he could feel fits of jealousy raging in his stomach. Did he want to be a girl? No. But still, he found himself feeling an ache in his chest when he looked away from them. If not a boy and if not a girl, what did Saeran feel like?

He had heard tell of people like that—people who dressed as men or women even though their given sex was the opposite—and it frightened the young child. He heard the way his family talked about those kinds of people. They had enough reasons not to like Saeran and at only ten years old, he didn’t want to give them another. But still. He needed to know, didn’t he? Saeran needed to understand himself, right?

So, in small ways, they began to experiment. A bit of clear polish over his nails. Sometimes he stole his mother’s eyeshadow and smeared it across his lids. There was comfort in these small acts of rebellion. There was comfort in the stash of skirts that Saeran hid in his bedroom at only twelve. It was that year that Saeran’s life changed.

He wasn’t certain how, or why, but he came home to his things strewn across the counter. Flashes of his childhood when his father would rampage through his bedroom, tearing drawings to shreds came to mind. The skirts. The tops. The makeup. All scattered across the surface where they often shared meals. Of course, his family had seen him concealing redness on his face, and they had seen the way that he began to take into account the way he looked, but they had never…

They had never seen these things.

A fight. That was all it took for Saeran to be sent away.

He was gay. He was a homosexual and they didn’t want him in their house. His parents didn’t want him turning the local children or his sister. They wanted him far, far away.

They called his aunt. A sharp-voiced woman with a pinched nose became his new housemate. And still, Saeran fought. He argued. He wore what he wanted.

As he grew older, so did his temper. So, did his insistent need to wear skirts. The makeup. Whatever he damn well pleased because he was going to be judged anyway—why not give them something nice to look at while they did it? This attitude resulted in many nights spent locked in closets without dinner.

Despite the way that Saeran carried himself—surviving his teen’s fight to fight—he still managed to do well in school. There was no one whose grades marked higher than his. There was no one who learned as quickly as he did. And in his final year of school, it seemed that things were looking up. It seemed that he was finally going to figure everything out.

Until a much older boy caught his eye while out with an acquaintance from class. Saeran didn’t have many friends, but there were people that he tended to sit with when he ate—ones that’s voices didn’t annoy him. Saeran had never seen anyone with naturally blonde hair or blue eyes, he had never seen anyone with that many tattoos—he must have been a foreigner.

His name had been Levon.

This relationship that began as Saeran awkwardly batting away the boy’s advances turned into nights spent sleeping in the blonde’s car. Drinking in excess. Stealing food from convenience stores. And though it seemed self-destructive and stupid, it all seemed to make Saeran happier than he had ever been in his life. Maybe he even smiled once or twice.

Days that had once been spent studying excessively because it was better than thinking about how lonely he was turned into long nights kissing a boy that told him he was pretty even when not an ounce of liner existed on his lids.

And then it all stopped.

And then Saeran was back to being alone.

And then he was graduating at the top of his class and finding no pride in it. He could do anything with his life and all he wanted to do was do nothing at all. To be nothing at all.

He left his aunt’s house, moving into a small apartment with the company of a black cat he’d found out on the streets. He began selling paintings to keep from starving. He survived off of take-out meals because he rarely felt confident enough to go outside. But this lack of drive and darkness that surrounded them was enough to cause his only source of income to dwindle too. How was he supposed to pay bills when he couldn’t even bring himself to do the commissions that kept stacking up.

Eventually, he found himself looking for a way out—maybe not out of life (Though his mind had certainly wandered) but out of the depression that came with being forgotten about and thrown away. Initially, it had been he just wanted painkillers, a rather literal way to numb the things that he felt in excess, but as he began to pay these people what little money he could scrounge together, Saeran found that maybe he could find help the same way. Maybe he wouldn’t have to go hungry again.

So, he began to sell drugs.

The occasional pain pill got him through the days so that he could dash through enough commissions to make ends meet, and then the nights spent anxiously slipping bags of god knows what to those feening for the same release he did.

But at least that was progress, right?

PERSONALITY

( + ) loyal, caring, intelligent  ( - ) belligerent, sarcastic, angry

[beasts-beauty-lyssaxx]

Wanna get to know me?

1: My name? Elyssa Felber

2: Do I have any nicknames? Lyssa, Syssa, bitch

3: Zodiac sign? Scorpio

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? Kingdom Heart, Batman Arkham Series, Bioshock, Final Fantasy,

5: Book/series I reread? Crank

6: Aliens or ghosts? Ghosts

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? Any

8: Favorite radio station? 98.7

9: Favorite flavor of anything? Watermelon

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Holy Shit

11: Favorite song? Lost - Three Days Grace

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? Who you be?

13: Favorite word? Lordy

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? Hmmm

15: Last song I listened to? Paris - Chainsmokers

16: TV show I always recommend? Futurama

17: Pirates or ninjas? Ninjas

18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? Beauty and the Beast

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? Wobble

20: Favorite video games? Mortal Kombat

21: What am I most afraid of? Bein alone

22: A good quality of mine? I try to find the good in people

23: A bad quality of mine? I try to find the good in people

24: Cats or dogs? Both

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Robert Downey Jr

26: Favorite season? Fall

27: Am I in a relationship? Yes

28: Something I miss? The Seasons

29: My best friend? ....

30: Eye color? Brown

31: Hair color? Dark Brown

32: Someone I love? My son

33: Someone I trust? My husband

34: Someone I always think about? Son/Husband

35: Am I excited about anything? Not really

36: My current obsession? Anime (My always obsession)

37: Favorite TV shows as a child? Code Lyoko

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? Yes

39: Am I superstitious? Yes

40: What do I think about most? Everythin

41: Do I have any strange phobias? Mmmm Don’t think so

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind it

43: Favorite hobbies? Drawin

44: Last book I read? Seven Deadly Sins

45: Last film I watched? Spirited Away

46: Do I play any instruments? No

47: Favorite animal? Wolf

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? Ehhh

49: Superpower I wish I could have? Power over the elements

50: How do I de-stress? Draw

51: Do I like confrontation? Not really, but i will if need be

52: When do I feel most at peace? At night

53: What makes me smile? My son

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off

55: Play any sports? Volleyball

56: What is my song of the week? To many

57: Favorite drink? Orange Fanta

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? High School?

59: Afraid of heights? Nope

60: Pet peeve? Certain things need to stay in place

61: What was the last concert I went to see? Uhhhh Bullet for my valentine, Three Days Grace, Avenged Sevenfold

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? None

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? Vet

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Uhhh?

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? ONce upon a time

66: Something I worry about? Nothin really

67: Scared of the dark? Nope

68: Who are my best friends? My sister

69: What do I admire most about others? Nothin really

70: Can I sing? Ha! No

71: Something I wish I could do? Not care so much

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? Vacation

73: Have I ever skipped school? Yuuup

74: Favorite place on the planet? To many

75: Where do I want to live? North Carolina

76: Do I have any pets? Yes, 2 cats 3 dogs

77: What is my current desktop picture? Anime Girl in Space

78: Early bird or night owl? Night Owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunsets

80: Can I drive? Yes

81: Story behind my last kiss? Best one ever

82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones

83: Have I ever had braces? No

84: Story behind one of my scars? Kicked a chainsaw

85: Favorite genre of music? Any

86: Who is my hero? My Father

87: Favorite comic book character? Poison Ivy

88: What makes me really angry? Stupidity

89: Kindle or real book? Real Book

90: Favorite sporty activity? Baseball

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? Uhhhh

92: What was my favorite subject at school? Art

93: Siblings? Yes, 3

94: What was the last thing I bought? Food

95: How tall am I? 5′8

96: Can I cook? I guess

97: Can I bake? Sure

98: 3 things I love? The moon, Anime, Manga

99: 3 things I hate? Hot, Stupidity, People

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? Uhhh? Equal I guess

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? Both?

102: Where was I born? Pennsylvania

103: Sexual orientation? Bi

104: Where do I currently live? Florida

105: Last person I texted? Misser Mike

106: Last time I cried? Uhhh, I can’t remember

107: Guilty pleasure? Sweets

108: Favorite Youtuber? Uhhhh, 

109: A photo of myself. Nooooooo

110: Do I like selfies? Nope

111: Favorite game app? Word Cookies

112: My relationship with my parents? Is good

113: Favorite accents? Scottish

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? Japan

115: Favorite number? 13

116: Can I juggle? Kinda

117: Am I religious? Not Really

118: Do I like space? YES!

119: Do I like the deep ocean? Yes

120: Am I much of a daredevil? Kinda

121: Am I allergic to anything? Not that I know of

122: Can I curl my tongue? Sure

123: Can I wiggle my ears? Nope

124: Do I like clowns? No

125: The Beatles or Elvis? Beatles

126: My current project? A drawing

127: Am I a bad loser? Not really

128: Do I admit when I wrong? Sometimes

129: Forest or beach? Forest

130: Favorite piece of advice? Don’t change for anyone

131: Am I a good liar? Sure?

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? None

133: Do I talk to myself? Sometimes

134: Am I very social? Not really

135: Do I like gossip? Drama,

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? No

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? Yes

138: Do I believe in second chances? I guess

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? Return it to whoever it belongs to/ give to lost and found

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? No

141: Have I ever been underweight? Nope

142: Am I ticklish? Nope 

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? No

144: Have I ever been on a plane? Yes

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? Don’t know

146: Have I ever been overweight? Still am LOL

147: Do I have any piercings? Yes 10

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Riku

149: Do I have any tattoos? Yes

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? Don’t know

151: Do I believe in Karma? Yes

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? Glasses sometimes

153: What was my first car? 1972 Chevy Nova

154: Do I want children? I have one

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? My Dad

156: My most embarrassing memory? Dating someone

157: What makes me nostalgic? Not Much

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? Yup

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? Brains

160: What color mostly dominates my wardrobe? Black

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Yeah

162: What do I hate most about myself? Everythin

163: What do I love most about myself? Nothin Really

164: Do I like adventure? Yes

165: Do I believe in fate? Yes

166: Favorite animal? Didn’t I already answer this?

167: Have I ever been on radio? No

168: Have I ever been on TV? No

169: How old am I? 23

170: One of my favorite quotes? “Life isn’t about findin yourself, Life is about creatin yourself

171: Do I hold grudges? Yeah

172: Do I trust easily? Not Really

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? Nope

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? My home

175: Do I dream? Yes

176: Have I ever had a night terror? Yes, All the time

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? Yes, The one about the Haunted Mansion

178: An experience that has made me stronger? Don’t know

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? Live forever?

180: Do I like shopping? Not really

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? Bank Theft

182: What does “family” mean to me? Everythin

183: What is my spirit animal? A wolf

184: How do I want to be remembered? Nice human?

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? Playin the piano

186: What is my greatest failure? Hmmm

187: What is my greatest achievement? Uhhhh

188: Love or money? Love

189: Love or career? Love

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? I don’t know

191: What makes me the happiest? Sittin at home with my hunny

192: What is “home” to me? Family

193: What motivates me? My son/Husband

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? I love you

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? Sure

196: A movie that scared me as a child? It

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? Rice

198: Zombies or vampires? Vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? Suburbs

200: Dragons or wizards? Dragons

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? Watchin a loved one die

202: How do I define love? Somethin not easy to find

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? Nope

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? Yes

205: Do I like my handwriting? Nope

206: Sweet or savoury? Sweet

207: Worst job I’ve had? Ehhh 

208: Do I collect anything? Manga

209: Item of clothing or jewelry you’ll never see me without? My weddin ring

210: What is on my bucket list? Travelin over seas

211: How do I handle anger? Not very well

212: Was I named after anyone? A cabbage patch kids doll

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? Noooooooo, Never!

214: What TV character am I most like? Rukia

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? Bein Me

216: Favorite fictional character? Poison Ivy

[christineamccalla]

Psychological torture to Northcentral University Students via forums including NCU Community Forum, by McCalla, Christine Ann

From: McCalla, Christine Ann and all variations thereof

To: Interpol and all variations thereof, et al

Date: Friday, June 22, 2018

Re: Psychological torture to Northcentral University Students via forums including NCU Community Forum

A central communications link is Northcentral University’s Commons where there are numerous forums facilitating communications between students, an essential part of distance education connection. Archer (1999) argue that the age of the internet facilitates distance education as an attractive and appealing option for individuals wishing to pursue university-level education.

Archer (1999) argues distance education as being of three (3) generations, print package afforded to students, audio-teleconferences, and face to face group sessions. As such, the forums afforded to students can be deemed as print packages, and audio teleconferencing available through web-based sessions including tutorials as well as dropbox options. One advantage of distance education is the students’ comfort and agility in which they pursue academic activities regardless of geographical locations (Archer, 1999) at their convenience.

In providing these forums and student communication links / outlets, Northcentral University has complied with statute,

U.S. Code, Title 20, Chapter 31, § 1221–1, 20 U.S. Code § 1221–1 - National policy with respect to equal educational opportunity - Recognizing that the Nation’s economic, political, and social security require a well-educated citizenry, the Congress (1) reaffirms, as a matter of high priority, the Nation’s goal of equal educational opportunity, and (2) declares it to be the policy of the United States of America that every citizen is entitled to an education to meet his or her full potential without financial barriers.  Retrieved from https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/20/1221%E2%80%931

In review of exhibit A (below / enclosed below), Northcentral University’s students has not seen fit to apply statute TITLE 17. COPYRIGHTS CHAPTER 1. SUBJECT MATTER AND SCOPE OF COPYRIGHT 17 USCS § 101, definitions,

-A "collective work" is a work, such as a periodical issue, anthology, or encyclopedia, in which a number of contributions, constituting separate and independent works in themselves, are assembled into a collective whole. -A "compilation" is a work formed by the collection and assembling of preexisting materials or of data that are selected, coordinated, or arranged in such a way that the resulting work as a whole constitutes an original work of authorship. The term "compilation" includes collective works.

-To perform or display a work "publicly" means-- (1) to perform or display it at a place open to the public or at any place where a substantial number of persons outside of a normal circle of a family and its social acquaintances is gathered; or (2) to transmit or otherwise communicate a performance or display of the work to a place specified by clause (1) or to the public, by means of any device or process, whether the members of the public capable of receiving the performance or display receive it in the same place or in separate places and at the same time or at different times.

Thereby the benefits, gains, appreciations, and accolades brought on by statutes,

(1) TITLE 17. COPYRIGHTS CHAPTER 1. SUBJECT MATTER AND SCOPE OF COPYRIGHT 17 USCS § 101, definitions,

An "international agreement" is-- (1) the Universal Copyright Convention; (2) the Geneva Phonograms Convention; (3) the Berne Convention; (4) the WTO Agreement; (5) the WIPO Copyright Treaty; (6) the WIPO Performances and Phonograms Treaty; and (7) any other copyright treaty to which the United States is a party.

(2) TITLE 22 - FOREIGN RELATIONS AND INTERCOURSE

(3) TITLE 15 - COMMERCE AND TRADE

(4) TITLE 12 - BANKS AND BANKING

(5) TITLE 26 - INTERNAL REVENUE CODE

(6) TITLE 31 - MONEY AND FINANCE

(7) TITLE 41 - PUBLIC CONTRACTS

(8) TITLE 42 - THE PUBLIC HEALTH AND WELFARE

(9) TITLE 29 - LABOR

(10) United Nations Convention on the International Sale of Goods and Services

Given that I participate in the doctoral school, the name of the game is competition as governed by statutes  U.C.C. - ARTICLE 2 PART 2. FORM, FORMATION AND READJUSTMENT OF CONTRACT § 2-205. Firm Offers, § 2-206. Offer and Acceptance in Formation of Contract, § 2-207. Additional Terms in Acceptance or Confirmation, and, § 2-210. Delegation of Performance; Assignment of Rights. Lucrativity is expected as well as protection by the brand that is my university, Northcentral University. In the competition process, I will encounter international denizenry of equally or greater measures as I, and I must prevail.

The communciations listed below is of a subpar, illiterate, and substandard nature, such as the no longer disabled student considering Northcentral University elite based on her opportunity to participate in statute TITLE 26 - INTERNAL REVENUE CODE. Be able to earn a living, something I have been denied by the Department of Labor to whom my certified public accountancy licensure, designated certified public bookkeeping was presented by email, with numerous responses resulting in violation of the US Constitution’s woman’s suffrage, the fucking bitch, the fucking whore, the fucking slut, financed battery and assaults including the fucking bitch sits by the side of the road 4.5 hours day. I have sued said agency for the use of my name as prostitute, for murder, and violation of statute government records; copies in which it is alleged the personnel receiving my license by email responded, I am expected to find her a job; the license is fraudulent. As you can see, I have a conflict as I am unemployed and in my 5th year of such trauma, despite my accolades, MBA, MS, BS, CBME, CBDE, CAHR, CTW, CPB. My point, I have complied substantially with no reward with statute U.S. Code, Title 20, Chapter 48, Subchapter I › § 3401 20 U.S. Code § 3401 - Congressional findings The Congress finds that— (1) education is fundamental to the development of individual citizens and the progress of the Nation; (2) there is a continuing need to ensure equal access for all Americans to educational opportunities of a high quality, and such educational opportunities should not be denied because of race, creed, color, national origin, or sex; (4) in our Federal system, the primary public responsibility for education is reserved respectively to the States and the local school systems and other instrumentalities of the States; (5) the American people benefit from a diversity of educational settings, including public and private schools, libraries, museums and other institutions, the workplace, the community, and the home; (6) the importance of education is increasing as new technologies and alternative approaches to traditional education are considered, as society becomes more complex, and as equal opportunities in education and employment are promoted;

Although unemployed for over 4 years, I must continue to pursue opportuntiies. With the cohort such as this listed below, it will not be found.opportunities

EXHIBIT A

Americans with Disabilities Accomodation re-evaluation for a documented PERMANENT disability or is there any other way to get extended time to complete studies for those of us who work for minimum wage?

So, if I am no longer disabled because my dr says it's not his place to sign the paper work and I work 2 jobs -55 hours a week to keep a roof over my head and eat and sleep 3 hours a night - I guess I am not good enough to attend NCU because there is NO way I can keep up with assignments.  Is this just a school for the elite? What options do I have?  Say I am suicidal so I can get a diagnosis and then submit new forms? Help me under stand this cuz I cannot see any lights at the end of my tunnel for completing my schooling. Nobody said life was fair.  I put so much into my studies only to be turned away. Sadly, Susie

======

Linda Bloomberg  added a Forum in NCU Community Forum Diversity InSight – Dissertation Spotlight follow up: Dr. Alethea Henry, ... On June 4, 2018 UDC hosted a Dissertation Spotlight on Dr. Alethea Henry’s dissertation, which she recently completed, Exploring minority teachers’ experiences pertaining to their value in education: A single case study of teachers In New York City. This presentation was co- facilitated by Dr. Alethea Henry and Dr. Linda Bloomberg. This discussion forum is to support further discussion around the themes, reflections, and questions that arose from this presentation. A recording of this presentation will be available in the future for those of you who are interested and were not able to attend.

======

I solicit the prayers of each of you. I took my ... I solicit the prayers of each of you. I took my father to the hospital Tuesday. On Wednesday while talking to my sister, he had a stroke and coded. They were able to bring him back but he remains in critical condition. He has made some gain today but is not out of the water. I believe in the power of prayer and pray that you will stand in agreement with me for his total healing and recuperation. Exhausted, Darlett Lucy-Gulley

======

Grandma Ann is asking for a pat on the back. I am... Grandma Ann is asking for a pat on the back. I am taking Stats. II and due to some glitches the class ends a week after my pre-scheduled major surgery, instead of the week before it. So, I had the surgery, gulped down my pain pills, & turned in the Week 11 assignment. Today I got it back with a 98% on it (-: Week 12 is nearly done, too. During this class my husband had a stroke, I turned 70-oh no-a child moved back home, and we visited another child.10 hrs. away. With 1 assignment to go, I have 92.5%.

Added by Ann Stressman

======

Archer, W. (1999). Delivering university-level communications programs at a distance: Benefits, costs and disruptions. Canadian Journal of Communication, 24(3), 367. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com.proxy1.ncu.edu/docview/219607528?accountid=28180

[beardedwinnerobject-blog]

Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

"Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

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Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

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Statistics show that US citizens pay almost exactly 2X per capita for health care compared to countries with government-supplied general health care. As with so much of our ...show more

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Insurance co.deducted $334 from my settlement so the policy is paid in full till July 2010.If I buy another car the policy doesnt transfer to the new car!They have robbed me $334 ? Wont mention the insurance co.(RACV) ooops!

SR22 Insurance?

My 22 yr old sons car was repossessed. He cancelled his car insurance policy since he no longer owns a car. He was required to carry an SR22 because of a bad driving record. The California DMV will suspend his license if he does not have proof of car insurance. Hes not driving and plans to not own a vehicle for the next 6 months. How does he meet the California DMV requirements without purchasing a car insurance policy? Also, if were able to get an older vehicle and get liability insurance only on it and add the SR22 can it satisfy the California DMV? My son is desperately trying to clean up his driving record too. Even if literally purchases an older vehicle and never drives it just to meet his DMV requirement. Will his past actions of too many tickets and accidents ever stop haunting him? Finally, his car was stolen in mid 2013. The car was reported stolen and it was eventually recovered and the insurance did repair significant damages does this also count against his driving record? The damage to the vehicle all occurred after it was stolen. I'm sorry I have so many questions I'm just at a loss. I need to get him back on his feet within a year but I need to know he will be able to drive too. He realizes now he messed up. He's got a great job and makes good money but I want to make sure that these past mistakes do not haunt him forever. The good news is there are no DUI's or reckless driving. Thanks for any help!""

Any car insurance agents out there? Or at least somebody who knows a lot about car insurance?

I will be driving on my sixteenth birthday if I can get a job, because I will be responsible for paying ALL of my insurance. How much am I going to have to pay? I drive a 1989 Chevrolet Silverado. Plus I heard good grades have something to do with it (sometimes), I have an A average. Help!""

Car Insurance?

I am just trying to get some quotes on maybe what my car insurance would be. I don't have the kind of car that I want yet but I was just trying to get an estimate and check and see what it would be around.. Can I get any quotes without the Vin Number?

Most affordable auto insurance?

I need a cheap auto insurance cuz my husband is laid off. We have two cars and we only have one ticket in the last three years.

Can you get life insurance on a non-relative?

I am legally still considered a minor child, although I am 16. My parents are divorced and I live with my Mom in Georgia. My natural father is dying of cancer, and lives in Illinois. Is it possible to get a life insurance policy with me as the benefactor even if me and my father live in 2 different states? Technically my Mom & Dad are divorced and she would not be able to get a life insurance on him on her own, as she is a non-relative. But I am his only son, so couldn't I get one on him? Even though by law children cannot legally engage in any sort of contract.""

Do you have health insurance?

what kind of deducatable do you have?? how much per month? how old are you?

""I am looking for affordable auto insurance, quote that i get online with AA is confusing, any suggestions?""

I am looking for affordable auto insurance, quote that i get online with AA is confusing, any suggestions?""

Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

Does a junior instructor need insurance?

I have had a few people around my barn asking me to give lessons, just little beginner lessons, nothing major. The barn owner said if would be alright, but I had to look into what type of insurance I would need and so on. I am not exactley sure how much insurance would cost, and if I would even be making a huge profit. My question is, do you need insurance if you are under 18? Are you then considered a junior instructor and it is not needed? If it is, about how much is the average insurance?""

Need a car with VERY cheap insurance. 17 year old male.?

Im just about to pass my driving test and i'm looking to buy a car, something very small like a 1.1L. I've had a few insurance quotes and then results are coming up as 7000?! Even for a ford fiesta or a peugot 306. I put the annual mileage down to 3000 and put my dad as a named driver but it is still very high. What cars could be lower thn this, and any good insurance company that offer low quotes for younger drivers.""

""Car Tax, MOT, insurance cost me 500; others pay much more; time for a consumer revolt?""

Car Tax, MOT, insurance cost me 500; others pay much more; time for a consumer revolt?""

Is honesty really the best policy when insuring a car?

Is honesty really the best policy when insuring a car?

Whats the difference between molina & caresource health insurance?

Whats the difference between molina & caresource health insurance?

Can i transfer moped insurance from one bike to another ?

ive got insurance on my piaggio fly 50cc which expires august this year, i can no longer drive this bike as i accidently got super glue all around the breaks and throttle and it wont budge, im going to maybe buy a new moped today for 300 and was just wondering if i get this do i have to cancel my old insurance and get a new quote and pay all that money again or cani just ring my insurance company and transfer it from my old bike to my new bike? thanks for any help! :)""

How much will I get under insurance of my car?

It was a Ford Fiesta SXi, I met with a serious accident & ma whole car was damaged. It was recommended for a replacement as it was of no use. I don't know how much I need to pay now for my car. It was new just 2 months old.""

Fastest and cheapest auto insurance?

I want to know the fastest and cheapest auto insurance online?

Car insurance for a 1969 Camaro?

I'm 20 and was wondering about how much a 69 camaro would cost me a month under my insurance.

How much wil Car Insurance be when i get my temps in Columbus Ohio?

How much wil Car Insurance be when i get my temps in Columbus Ohio. im going to be under my moms insurance. how much will i have to pay. or will i have to pay. my mom dosent kno, neither do i. can she put me on her car insurance for free or do i have to pay or what. whats the rules so to say""

Cheap health insurance for college students?

I live in Orlando, FL and i'm a non-smoking college student. Does anyone know of any cheap health insurance or even health discount plans that I could get on just to cover the cost of my Bipolar disorder meds and possibly a couple of visits to the psychiatrist? Yearly physicals and examinations I can handle, but this psychiatrist that I see is $200.00 a visit PLUS the cost of all of the perscriptions he prescribes to me. HELP!""

Best insurance companies for 21 year old passed my test.?

ok ive pased my test a month on friday and i gettin a car this week and i need some insurance on the car obviiously lol, well basically whats the cheapest car insurance all you 21 year old have and who is it with, please :)""

HEY TEENS! How much are you paying for car insurance?

Anyone under 20, what do you pay for auto insurance? And what do you drive? Are you on your parents insurance? Did you use to pay more or less before?""

Buying GAP insurance after an accident?

I had an accident of my financed car back in May, however I don't have any GAP insurance and I am worried that the insurance company will write my car off. If I buy GAP insurance now will they cover me for my accident back in May? The insurance company are taking forever and a day to sort it out and they haven't even looked at the damage to my car yet, I have only sent pictures as I am awaiting liability from the third party. Thanks""

Why the difference in Insurance availability between developing countries vs. industrialized nations?

Why has insurance traditionally been more common in industrialized nations, and why is it uncommon/not possible for people in developing worlds to have insurance? At first I thought it was simply because insurance is not affordable by people in developing countries, but maybe there are other reasons?""

Do insurance companies operate on bank holidays?

I wouldn't mind getting some insurance for my moped tomorrow, but I heard its bank holiday monday...Will this stop me getting through to them?""

Where can i find a good healthcare plan for myself and my kids? more inside?

39 weeks prego with number 2. and neither have insurance except the smallest will have ga medicade when he is born.i am looking for insurance to cover them mostly. and everything i see has at least a $1000 deductible. what is a good way to do this? i am 21 and don't know any thing about insurance. help please :-) i

Car insurance ?????????

Which is cheaper to go in a car insurance office or over the phone or the net.

Cost of insurance for 1998 Porsche Boxter?

Hi, I'm a high school student and I recently purchased my uncle's 1998 Porsche Boxter. However, I would like to know the cost of insuring this car. Please don't give me websites, I would actually like a figure without inputting a ton of information into an untrustworthy site. I'll give 10 points to the best answer. Information that may be useful: -high school student (first year of driving) -GPA: 4.0 -Drivers Ed: taken -Gender: male Thanks in advance for any helpful answers! If you don't know for sure, an estimate would be appreciated as well.""

Do you have health insurance?

if, so, How much is it per month? How old are you? what kind of deductable do you have?? feel free to answer also if you do not have insurance.""

When can i refinance my car loan ??

i bought a car on June 5th this year ( 200-7-) Now i pay around 425 dollars for it every month , and as per insurance around 198 . i make around 750 dollars a month . i am doing this because i want to be independent from my parents. If i don't start somewhere then i will never be on my own . anyway emotional stuff aside..hehe. When can i refinance my loan , currently it's around 6-7% I think my credit score went high , my equifax is 669 , when i checked right now on creditinform.com. I have chase bank , you think they can lower it ? do you know how much lower they can go ? around 300 maybe? i am goin to take defensive driving class also , i heard that saves a lot of money also on insurance.. Please help , : ) thanks , have a nice day.""

Where can i get affordable insurance?

i got 8pts i need affordable insurance please send me a link please

Do you know where I can get a Flood Zone Determination and Flood Insurance Quote In Ca?

If you are looking for more information on FEMA's recent flood map changes in oxnard California where can you find it? Im interested in some type of flood zone determination and a quote. My insurance agent doesn't know very much about it. How much does flood insurance cost? I have lots of questions any ideas?

How much would insurance for a 17yr old cost?

the car is a cts-v coupe. I need to know if i can afford the insurance b4 buying for my son. -thanks

Best Car For Cheap Car Insurance?

I am looking for a used car that will be of good quality, reliability and value. In addition, I would like the insurance to be as low as possible. Any thoughts on specific models that meet these requirements?""

Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

Richfield Pennsylvania Cheap car insurance quotes zip 17086

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