#getting long enough that it's going under a read more

[cressidagrey]

It's a Love Story - Chapter 1

Summary:

Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.

Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.

And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

Koschei the Deathless Sorcerer was killed by the Spymaster of the Night Court. 

It was less dramatic than it sounded. At least Azriel thought so. 

And if Lucien hadn’t been a fucking idiot and put himself into a position to be kidnapped by the very same deathless sorcerer…then they wouldn’t even have been in that kind of situation. 

But he had been and so it ended with Azriel so magically exhausted that he collapsed the very same moment Truthteller stroke true once more. 

At least Koschei was slayn. 

And the only reason Azriel had gone to rescue the red-headed male in the first place was the fact that  Lucien was Elaine’s mate. Lucien was the male Elain loved. Azriel couldn’t let him die. 

Couldn’t let Elain feel the devastation of a mating bond broken by death…so his decision making had been quick. Either he would manage to get Lucien free…or he would die trying.  There wasn’t many things that he wouldn’t do for the female he loved. Even when he knew it shouldn’t be. 

Azriel had never been very good at knowing when enough was enough after all, wasn’t he?

No price was high enough to pay when it was about Elain’s happiness, as far as Azriel was concerned.  

He hadn't expected to wake up, and yet… there he was. Alive and whole.

*I hope it was worth it, Master,* the shadows sniped at him.

He blinked, taking in the dim light of the room, taking in the familiar surroundings. His room in the House of Wind.

“You are a fucking idiot, you know?” Cassian hissed at him from his place at his bedside and Azriel blinked at him.

"Lucien?" he brought out hoarsely.

"Not as much as a fucking scratch on him. Thanks to you," Cassian responded. "You on the other hand...Madja thought you were going to fucking die from pure magical exhaustion!"

Even Azriel he had...it would have been worth it. Lucien had made it out alive - and that was all that mattered in the end. Elain would be happy. That was all he cared about.

He didn't say that aloud though. 

He took a deep breath, opening his eyes again. "How long was I out?" he asked.

"Three days," Cassian growled. "Three. Days."

Azriel sat up slowly, wincing at the ache in his muscles. It felt like his entire body was one giant bruise, every inch of him pained and sore.

"Lay back down," Cassian snapped.

Azriel shot him a glare, but sank back onto the bed nonetheless. "I'm fine," he grumbled. "Just tired."

"Yeah, well, we'll let Madja be the judge of that," Cassian snapped. "And when you are feeling better, I am going to kill you for going off on your own!"

Azriel just gave him a weary look. "Better me than you," he said dryly. He closed his eyes, feeling a deep exhaustion settle over him. Cassian had Nesta to think about. Azriel didn't. Azriel just had himself.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Cassian demanded.

Azriel didn't have the energy to answer

He dosed off, feeling the shadows twine around him. They were muttering, words he could c quite understand, bitching under their breath but for once it was comforting.

He woke up, feeling groggy and disoriented. His eyes felt like sandpaper, and his limbs were heavy. He groggily blinked at the room, feeling like he was in a haze.

It took him a moment to realize he wasn't alone. Cassian was still there, as was Madja.

Azriel groaned, pushing himself up into a sitting position. His head was throbbing, and his vision was a little blurred. He rubbed his face, trying to clear the fog from his mind. "Hey," he said, his voice rough and gravelly.

Cassian and Madja both looked at him, their expressions relieved. "How are you feeling?" Madja asked him, moving closer to the bed and waving a hand in front of his face.

"Like I was hit by a wagon," Azriel admitted. His muscles felt tight and sore, his body heavy with fatigue. His wings felt like they were made of lead, and every movement took a huge effort.

"That's unsurprising considering you nearly magicked yourself to death," Madja said gruffly. "Your body had a tremendous amount of stress and strain put on it. You're lucky to be alive."

He gritted his teeth. "Yeah, well, I didn't have a lot of other options," he pointed out.

Madja just let out a huff and began prodding and poking at his body, running her hands over his wings and checking his pulse. Cassian watched anxiously from the side, his arms crossed over his chest.

Azriel bore her ministrations in silence, trying not to wince as she poked and prodded at him. He knew she was just trying to help, but it didn't make the ordeal any more pleasant.

After what felt like forever, she finally stepped back, nodding to herself. "You're lucky, shadowsinger," she said gruffly. "You're lucky you're so damn resilient," she said, and he couldn't tell if it was a compliment or just an observation.

He looked at her blearily. "I guess I can add that to my list of things to be proud of," he muttered sarcastically.

Cassian barked out a laugh, but Madja just rolled her eyes. The door opened at that moment. "How's he doing?" Rhys demanded.

Azriel wanted to let out a sigh at the sight of Rhys. He loved his brother, but he didn't have the energy for a lecture right now.

Madja turned to Rhys. "He's weak and he's stupid," she snapped. "But he's alive."

Rhys let out a sigh, the tension in his shoulders easing just a little. "Thank you, Madja," he said. "Would you...give us a moment?"

Madja nodded, patting Azriel's leg as she got up to leave. "Rest," she ordered. "And no strenuous activity for at least a week."

As soon as the door closed behind her, Rhys turned to Azriel. "What were you thinking?" he demanded, his eyes blazing.

"I was thinking that I was saving Lucien's life," Azriel replied evenly, meeting his brother's gaze. "I couldn't let him die, Rhys."

"Wouldn't that have made it easier for you?* Rhys demanded sharply mentally. *You are the one that fancies himself in love with Elain.*

Maybe it shouldn't hurt him as much as it did. He didn't fancy himself in love with her. He was in love with her. Had been in love with her and Rhys had been the one to order him away from her, which had given Lucien the opportunity to swoop in and Elain had...Elain had given in. Given in to that Siren Song of the Mating Bond and was very much in love with her mate now. 

It hurt to hear Rhys say it like that, like it was just some passing infatuation that he'd gotten over.

*Lucien is her mate,* he responded simply. He didn't say what he really thought. He didn't say that he would rather have Elain be happy and never talk with him again than to have her wilt like one of her flowers because her mate had died and the mating bond would be broken… He didn't say that he loved Elain enough, that her happiness was more important to him than anything else. He didn't say any of that.

*At least you are recognising that now,* Rhys said with a snort.  Azriel didn't flinch. Didn't react.

He hid away in that little corner of his brain he went to when everything became too much. Where he could just shut up all his feelings, all these pesky emotions, and just be...nothing. Nothing. That's the only thing he still had left.

He just shrugged, schooling his face into a careless expression. "I did what I had to do, Rhys," he repeated stubbornly. "Lucien is a good male. He didn't deserve to die."

"Elain wants to thank you," Rhys said suddenly.

Azriel's stomach twisted as Rhys mentioned Elain. He felt a pang of longing in his chest, a desperate ache to see her, to touch her, to hear her voice. But he knew he couldn't. He couldn't subject himself to the torture of seeing her with her mate, seeing her happy in Lucien's arms.

So his answer was definite: "There is no need for that," he said simply.

Rhys gave him a sharp look. "Don't be an idiot," he said gruffly. "She's been worried sick about you."

But Azriel just shook his head, even as his heart thudded in his chest.

*You can keep it together for 5 minutes,* Rhys snapped into his mind.

"Rhys," Cassian said carefully. "If he doesn't want to, just let it..."

"He's being ridiculous," Rhys snapped, interrupting Cassian. "Elain is family.”

Azriel grit his teeth but didn't respond. He didn't have the energy for an argument right now. He just wanted to sleep.

*See her for 5 minute snad then you can sulk like a spoiled child until you feel better about yourself,* Rhys bargained drily.

Azriel hesitated. He knew he should see her, knew that it would make things easier for everyone if he did. But the thought of seeing her, seeing her happy with Lucien when he was so miserable, was like a knife to the gut.

"Does it even matter what I want?" he asked, his voice flat.

Rhys let out a frustrated sigh, looking at him with exasperation. "Az, stop being so damned stubborn. Elain has been worried sick about you - the least you can do is let her see that you are alive."

Azriel didn't say anything. Didn't respond. He just stared at Rhys, feeling like every fiber of his being was being pulled apart. He wanted to see her. Wanted to see her more than anything. But he knew that once he saw her, he wouldn't be able to hold himself together. He would break. He would shatter into a thousand pieces.

"Just...come on, Az," Rhys said finally. "Let her see you. She needs to know you're alright."

Azriel knew he couldn't say no. Knew he couldn't hurt her like that. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Fine," he said softly. "But just for five minutes."

Five minutes. He could do five minutes. He had to. For her…

She was still as achingly beautiful as she always had been. These devasting brown eyes, the caramel curls...

Azriel's breath hitched at the sight of her, and he felt a wave of conflicting emotions wash over him. Love, longing, sadness, and that bittersweet pang of being so close to something he could never have.

Behave, Rhys warned him sharply.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. Trying to push back that wave of feelings that threatened to drown him. It was just five minutes, he reminded himself. Five minutes. He could do this.

The shadows swirled around him, welling up with intensity, shrouding much of his body in inky blackness and Elain flinched back from them.

She had never quite warmed up to them. Azriel was just thankful for that display, for keeping her away from him as she entered the room, Lucien on her heels.

"How...How are you feeling?" she asked him, her voice soft.

He could tell that she was worried, that she was concerned for him. It warmed something inside him, and he hated himself for it. 

"I'm fine," Azriel answered hoarsely.  "Just tired.

"I...thank you," Elain said softly, binting her lip. "If you hadn't...if you hadn't killed Koschei and freed Lucien...I...Thank you, Azriel."

Hearing her say his name again was like a punch to the gut. It was both a comfort and a torture, to be so close to her and yet so far away. He swallowed hard, biting back the words that threatened to spill out.

"You don't owe me any thanks," he said quietly. "I just did what had to be done."

"I do owe you my life," Lucien disagreed. "Thank you. Without your interference...I wouln't have survived, " he said flatly.

Azriel just shrugged, feeling a wave of bitterness wash over him. He had saved Lucien, had risked his life to save the male who was mated to the female he loved. It was a strange sort of irony.

"It's fine," he said roughly. "I'm just glad I got there in time."

He couldn't look at her. Couldn't look at Lucien. It hurt too much. So he stared at the floor, willing the shadows to consume him entirely.

"We are all just happy you are feeling alright," Elain said softly. "I...I was worried about you. Everyone was."

Azriel forced himself to look up at her, his heart clenching at the sincerity in her eyes. She really had been worried about him. "I'm alright," he promised her, his voice rough. "Really. I just need some rest."

Elain hesitated, taking a step forward. He could hear her heartbeat, could feel the warmth radiating off her skin. It was torture to be so close to her and yet so far away. It was torture to know that she was so close and yet so unattainable. He wanted to reach out, to touch her, to hold her, but he knew he couldn't. He held onto that last shred of reason he had.

She tugged a piece of hair behind one delicately arched ear...and that was the moment he saw the gold and pearl ring that decorated her ring finger.

"Congratulations." He wasn't sure how he even brought out these words...how he managed to make them sound...appropriately happy for her.

It took a herculean effort to say those words, to offer a smile that barely reached his eyes. Every fibre of his being was screaming in protest, yelling that he should have been the one giving her that ring, that he should have been the one by her side. But he pushed back those feelings, burying them deep down inside of himself. He couldn't let her see how he truly felt. He couldn't let her know how much it was tearing him apart to stand there and look at her. Look at her with her mate, with the male she loved, the one she had chosen. 

"Congratulation," he repeated, his voice a little rougher than before.

"It wouldn't have been possible without you," Elain said, with a smile.

Azriel just nodded, feeling a lump in his throat. He couldn't find the words to respond, couldn't find the words to express the tangle of emotions swirling inside of him. He just sat there, feeling more alone and isolated than he had in a long time.

Elain took another step in his direction, seemingly ready to reach out, but Cassian intercepted her. placing a gentle hand on Elain's shoulder. "He needs his rest," he said softly. "Let's leave him be for now."

Azriel felt a pang of gratitude towards Cassian. Elain hesitated, looking torn.

"I wish you every happiness," Azriel brought out his voice hoarsely. Not even a lie.  It was the frank truth in these words and Elain gave him a smile, before Lucien's hand came to rest at her lower back, guiding her out of the room.

Thank the cauldron. They were gone. 

He slumped back into the pillow.  He was falling apart. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically. He just wanted to be left alone, to lick his wounds in peace.

"Az..." Cassian said carefully, but he cut him off.

“I am tired,” Azriel said, his voice hoarse. “I need to sleep.”

The shadows swirled around him tighter. 

Rhys and Cassian exchanged a look, before Cassian nodded, "Alright," he said. "Get some rest."

He laid down properly, closing his eyes, calling the shadows to him wordlessly. They swamred around him immediately. Damn Near suffocating him.  It was the only thing that kept him from starting to sob.

The shadows embraced him, wrapping him in their inky blackness, shielding him from the outside world. They were his only comfort, just like they had been for centuries. 

*We are there, Master.* They promised him softly. *It will be fine, Master.*

He didn’t believe a fucking word they said. 

*We are not willing to lose you, Master. We aren’t interested in finding a new master,* they told him seriously. He choked out a laugh that turned into a sob. 

*Sleep, Master. We'll keep watch,* they promised him.

And they did. 

Bone deep exhaustion meant that at least his sleep was dreamless. At least that was given to him. It was a small mercy. 

When he woke up again, Nesta was there, sitting in an armchair reading.

Azriel blinked, feeling disoriented and groggy. He sat up slowly, wincing as his wounds protested the movement. Nesta looked up from her book, her expression neutral.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him quietly.

"Fine," he answered, his voice hoarse. He was fine. He would be fine. 

"Thank you," Nesta said suddenly.

Azriel looked up at her, surprised. He wasn't even sure what she was thanking him for.

"For what?" he asked, his voice rough with sleep.

“You nearly got yourself killed to save my sister’s mate. I think Thank you is the least I owe you," Nesta said drily.

She mustered him with grey eyes and he knew that she knew. Knew that she knew or at the very least could guess about his feelings for Elain and probably be right. She wouldn't say anything, but she knew.

He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. It was over with. Done. 

Lucien and Elain could be happy and Azriel…Azriel would hide away somewhere. 

"You don't owe me anything," he waved Nesta off weakly, but she didn’t seem to want to take the hint, sticking out her chin. 

"Yes, I do," Nesta disagreed. "You are the reason why my little sister is happy right now," she told him fiercely. He swallowed down the unkind words at the tip of her tongue...didn't say anything. Didn't.... He didn’t want to think about this. He didn’t…

"Is there anything I can do?" Nesta asked him, her voice soft. "Anything at all, Az?" H knew that he could ask for anything and Nesta would do her level best to give it to him. She was stubborn like that. He had half a mind to ask her to use her silver flames to put him on fire and put him out of his misery. 

He didn’t. 

Even that wouldn’t fix it. 

There was nothing. There was absolutely nothing to make it any better. There was nothing that could...that could fix the ache in his chest.

"Porridge," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Porridge?" Nesta repeated incrediously.

"Porridge with honey. I am hungry," he repeated, meeting her gaze. Food. Food. More Sleep. More Work. He could fill his waking hours with useless things and everybody would be happy. 

Nesta just looked at him for a moment, then inclined her head.

"Porridge with honey. Alright," she agreed. Just a moment later a massive bowl of Porridge with honey drizzled on top, appeared on his bedside table, so hot it was steaming. Seemed like the house was in a mood to spoil him. He even got a whiff of cinnamon from it.

"Thank you," he thanked Nesta's creature aloud as the shadows fetched the bowl and held it up for him to eat a spoonful. "What are you reading?" he asked Nesta, changing the topic. 

She was polite enough not to say anything about it. 

Nesta held up her book. “The newest Sellyn Drake novel,” she replied.

"Is it any good?" he inquired, stirring his porridge gently.

“It’s brilliant," Nesta gushed, her eyes devoured the pages as soon as she looked down to continue reading.

"You seem to really like it," he pointed out, taking another bite of his porridge. "It is brilliant," Nesta agreed readily. “The plot is so intricate and twists and turns and the characters are so deep and complex and their emotions are so real and the romance is so...” she trailed off, blushing slightly.

He opened his mouth to respond...but then he heard her.

Mor. Of course.

He couldn’t deal with Mor. Not right now. But there she was, Rhys hot on her heels.

Nesta heard her too, rolling her eyes, curling back up on her chair, making it very clear that while she was going nowhere, she was letting him deal with it on her own. 

And he didn’t want to deal with Mor. 

But there she was. 

Mor came strolling into the room, her usual confident smile firmly in place. Rhys just looked at Azriel, his expression unreadable.

He didn't say it.  But Azriel knew. Behave. That’s all Rhys was telling him these days.  Either it was about Elain and Lucien...or about Mor and Emerie. Like Azriel would ever do anything to put that in jeopardy. Like Azriel was a jealous child that wouldn't allow Mor to be happy on her own terms. Like...

Azriel ignored the sharp pang of hurt that shot through him at Rhys's look.

Still it was better than looking at Mor…he couldn’t bear to look at Mor. 

 Didn't want to look at Mor, in her usual bright red, skin baring dress, that clung to all her curves...didn't want to look at the female he had spent centuries in love with even when he had known that she was never going to return his affections...it hadn't helped him. He had still been in love with her.

And he had still hoped...hoped against all hope that maybe...maybe there would be a time where she would return his affection...that maybe there would be a time where...

But there wouldn't. He knew. He knew. And he had still been in love with her.

Would have given damn near anything for her attention, for that broad smile on her face to be directed in his direction...would have given anything for her to bound over to his bedside and envelope him in her arms...to feel her soft skin against his as she hugged him fiercely, cinnamon and citrus enveloping him.

Now...now it felt like somebody was pouring salt into a gaping wound. Now it felt as painful as the fire and oil on his hands had. She was flaying him alive and she wasn’t even aware that she was hurting him. 

"How are you feeling, Az?" Mor's voice was gentle, concerned. He knew it was genuine, knew that Mor really cared about him. But he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Not when his heart was bleeding out just from the sound of her voice.

"Fine," he answered, his voice flat. "Nothing that sleep won't fix," he promised her, even as her hands fluttered around him as she sat down on his bedside...

She was so close. He could reach out and touch her, could feel the soft fabric of her dress against his fingertips. He clenched his fists, willing himself to keep his hands to himself.

But he couldn't help it. He looked up at her, meeting her eyes. He could see the concern there, the worry. He felt a pang of guilt for putting that look on her face. He didn't want to cause her any distress. 

"I'm just glad you are feeling better," Mor sighed, gently patting his arm. "You had us all worried for a moment there," she admitted softly.

Even just the touch of her hand felt like she was branding him. He wanted to flinch away and forced himself no to.

It was like a bittersweet poison, the way she touched him. It was so familiar, so comforting. But it was also so painful, a reminder of what he could never have.

He looked away, staring down at his hands. They were shaking, just a little. He clasped them together, the monstrous scars that covered them, standing out starkly.

The shadows trembled around him, pulling nearer, growing darker and Mor watched them with a raised eyebrow. "Worried, are they?" she teased him slightly.

*You are fine, Master,* the shadows promised him. *No more fire,* they promised him fiercely. But it didn’t help. He didn’t trust himself to speak without his voice cracking.

Mor seemed to sense his discomfort and stood up, her hand slipping from his arm. "Just rest and get better soon, alright?" she said softly, taking a step back.

"Thank you," he thanked her, his voice hoarse.

He risked a glance up at her, just a quick look. Her face was soft, her eyes filled with warmth. He felt his heart squeeze in his chest and he had to look away again. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

"We should let him rest, Mor," Rhys said, giving Azriel another look.

"Right, right," Mor agreed, already turning towards the door. "Rest up, Az," she said again, giving him one last smile as she disappeared out the door.

Azriel felt a sense of relief wash over him as she left the room. 

Gone. Thank the cauldron. He couldn't take much more of her presence, not right now. 

He didn't even want to know why Rhys had accompanied her. Probably because he was worried that Azriel wasn't going to behave.

What was he supposed to do instead? Tell Mor about how much she had hurt him over the centuries? How she had given him jut enough scraps of her affection to make him yearn for more but never telling him that she didn’t love him like that? 

He wasn’t going to do that. 

He didn't want to look at Rhys right now, didn't want to face the scrutiny of his high lord's gaze. He just wanted to be left alone.

He knew that Rhys was watching him, that the male wanted to say something. But Azriel didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear the lecture, the warning. He just wanted to be left alone.

The room fell silent, except for the sound of his own breathing. He closed his eyes and sank deeper into the mattress. Maybe if he just pretended to sleep, Rhys would leave him alone.

"He's tired. You should let him sleep," Nesta said flatly.

Leave it to Nesta to tell Rhys to stuff it, he reflected weakly. He heard Rhys sigh, but he kept his eyes closed. And after a moment, he heard the sound of footsteps leaving the room.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. 

Alone. Safe. Mostly at least. 

Life went on. It always did.

The exhaustion went away after a few days... he caught up on Paperwork in the meantime. He sent the shadows off to find him one information or other and they didn't even bitch to him that badly, which told him that even they felt bad for him.

Behave. That’s all Rhys was telling him these days.

So he did. He behaved.

He did his job. He did everything Rhys could possibly want from his spymaster. 

He didn’t argue. He didn’t fight. He did his job and he trained and he did everyhting that was expected off him. 

And then he hadn’t tortured himself enough… and he went to visit Rosehall.

Where his mother lived.

Under the Mountains had it’s own kind consequences. This was one of them: His mother didn’t even want to talk to him anymore. 

50 years without him...and his mother had made herself a new family. A family that he wasn’t welcome in. A family that she wanted him nowhere near. He couldn’t fault her for it. Not at all.

She had been half a child when she had had him and it hadn’t been by choice.

So who could blame her for making a new family with people that weren’t as fucked up in the head as he was? Not Azriel.

Azriel didn’t blame her at all. Azriel left her in peace. He didn't reach out. He made sure that she was fine, that she had enough money to never worry about it and otherwise dissappeared from her life. 

His shadows kept an eye on her…He shored up the wards around Rosehall and caught a glimpse of her. And then he left it at that. She looked happy. That’s all he cared about.

Happy and safe and…she didn’t need him. She didn’t want him around her either, and he could understand that too.

And still, it hurt. It hurt so fucking much. 

But 

*You know the rules,* he told the shadows quietly. *You don’t need to report to me about her anymore. Keep an eye on her and only tell me if she is in danger or hurt.*

*Yes, Master,* they agreed readily. 

So he went back to the House of Wind. Back to Velaris…Back to work. 

He went back to his routine, back to his duties, back to his mask of indifference. He hid the pain behind his usual stoic facade, only letting his shadows know how much it hurt. He threw himself into his work, using it as a way to distract himself from his own loneliness.

And when he wasn't working, he would spend hours and hours in the training ring in the House of Wind, working himself to exhaustion. Anything to try and drown out the ache in his heart.

For gods sake, he even attended Elain and Lucien’s mating ceremony. And gifted them an appropriate gift. He behaved just like Rhys wanted him too.

He even summoned up a smile for them on their special day, hiding his own pain behind a mask of false happiness. He congratulated them both, feeling a pang in his chest at the sight of Elain's beaming face. But he didn’t let it show. He behaved. Like Rhys wanted him too.

He stayed for the whole thing. Stayed for the dancing, stayed for the feast. Stayed until he could physically take it no more. And then he had retreated to that training ring again, beating his pain and loneliness out on whatever dummy he could find.

He was so tired. Tired of hiding, tired of pretending. Tired of pretending like nothing was wrong. He wanted nothing more than to just scream and rage and shout and cry. But he didn’t. He held it all in. Bottled it up like he was so good at doing.

He was in the bathtub, sluicing off the sweat he was drenched in…shaking off his wings just because he could move them however he wanted to

*You should go out, Master,* the shadows suggested seriously. *Go out and find a female.*

He just snorted. *Not interested,* he sniped back harshly. *I am not getting my heart broken again.*

Everybody could just fuck off and leave him alone. Even when he was aching…aching for somebody in his life that loved him. For whom he could be everything. Somebody he could dote on. Somebody that wanted his attention, that wanted his love…that would like his ruined hands on their body and wasn’t paid to simply acccept it. 

*You could let us pick her!* the shadows suggested brightly.

His eyes snapped back open and he glared at the shadows swirling around the room. *Absolutely not,* he said firmly. *I mean it, you stay out of it.*

*We can’t do a worse job than you do,* they sniped at him. *Neither The Seer nor The Morrigan would have suited you at all.*

*Excuse me?!* 

*You heard us, Master,* the shadows said, sounding far too smug for their own good. *And you know it.*

Azriel just glared at them, feeling his temper start to rise. *I know I wasn’t good enough for them,* he snapped. *You don’t need to tell me that.*

*You think you weren’t good enough for them?!* The shadows asked him incredulously.

*They deserve better. So much better than me,* he said quietly. "I'm not good enough for either of them. Never was.*

What was he, after all? An Illyrian bastard? A monster? Either? Both? 

He had never said it out loud before, not even to himself. But in that moment, lying in the water, his heart so raw and exposed, he couldn't help but speak the truth that he had always known but never admitted to himself. "I'm not good enough for either of them," he repeated softly, the weight of his words settling heavily on his chest.

He knew it was true. Mor was a golden ray of light, the embodiment of beauty and grace. Elain was sweet and gentle and kind, a pure soul in a sea of darkness. 

And what was he? Damaged. Broken. Scarred. Inside and out.

He had done unspeakable things, things that would haunt his nightmares for centuries to come. He was nothing compared to them. He was darkness, they were light. And they deserved better than him, far better than him.

Even if he had loved Mor with every fiber of his being, even if he had yearned for her with every beat of his heart, even if he had dreamed of her every night, it didn't matter. It had never mattered. Because he wasn't good enough for her. And he never would be.

He wasn’t good enough for Elain. The mother hadn’t thought it to be prudent to make them mates. Both of his brother had been gifted with a mating bond, but not him. That should tell him everything he needed to know abotu the state of his own soul. 

So why…why should he even try anymore. 

Why shouldn’t he just stew in his own misery, alone and heartbroken and a monster and expect everybody to just leave him alone? There was no point of putting himself out there again. There was nothing out there for him. Nothing but more pain.​​

So he closed his eyes again, sinking lower into the water, letting the warmth soothe his aching muscles. He let out a long sigh, his mind already racing with thoughts of his next missions, his next assignments. Because that was all that really mattered now. His job. His duties. His responsibilities. That was all he had left.

Behave. That’s all he was good for. 

*Alright, that’s fucking enough,* the shadows snapped. *You are not letting The High Lord talk to you like that any longer, Master.*

Azriel was so surprised by their fucking vehemence that he could just stare at them. 

*The Morrigan used you for centuries to make herself feel better about herself,* the shadows snapped. *She used the feelings you had for her and that she was very much aware of to strangle you and keep you in line.*

Azriel swallowed. He knew they were right. He knew that Mor had used his feelings for her for a long time. She had led him on, given him false hope, only to yank it away time and time again. It had been a painful cycle, one that had left him feeling used and broken and worthless.

*She could have stopped at any time but she never did,* the shadows hissed. *But instead she hurt you on purpose. Instead of turning you down, she slept with other males to show you that you would never have her!*

Azriel felt bile rise in the back of his throat. Mor had flaunted her other lovers in front of him, making it clear that he would never be enough for her. She had used his devotion to her as a weapon against him, wielding it whenever it suited her needs. And he had let her. He had been foolish, desperate enough to cling onto any scrap of affection she might throw his way.

*And The Seer?! Granted she has never done that, but her feelings for you weren’t particular deep when she replaced you on her affections with The Fox as soon as you weren’t available anymore! If she had cared, truly cared, she would have thought about what happened during Winter Solstice,* the shadows snapped.

*And The High Lord? Don’t even let us get started on him,* the shadows snapped. *You haven’t even done anything since that Winter Solstice, and he keeps behaving like some kind of despotic Overlord, worried that his orders won’t be followed. If you wanted to punch him in the face, you probably had every right to it,* they mumbled.

Azriel couldn’t help but snort. 

*You deserve better, Master,* The shadows told him fiercely. *You deserve somebody that loves you.* 

. He wanted to believe the shadows. He wanted to believe that he was good enough, that he deserved more. But the scars on his body and the memories in his mind told him otherwise. He had done terrible things, things that he could never undo. How could someone like that be good enough for anyone?

*Alright,* he finally agreed weakly. *Find me a house,* he told the shadows, as he closed his eyes.

*A house? What kind of house?* the shadows gave back, sounding surprised.

*A house,* he repeated. *A home. Somewhere in Velaris. Find me a home.* Something that could just be his.

A home. The idea sent a flutter through his stomach. He had never…never truly had a home. Had something that could just be his and nobody else’s. Just…a place that was his, where he could be whoever he wanted, where he was accepted and loved...it was appealing. Maybe even more than just appealing.

He closed his eyes, picturing it in his mind. A cozy little house, just large enough for himself. Warm and cozy and filled with light.

*That’s what a male needs to take a wife after all, right?* He asked, a flicker of uncertainty crossed his face. Was that what he should want? What he was supposed to want? He had never really thought about getting married before. But now, at the mention of it, he couldn't help but feel a pang of longing. A wife...a family...love and companionship. It all sounded so…so nice.

*You want to get married, Master?* the shadows asked curioulsy. *To whom?*

*You pick,* he told the shadows. They swarmed out in pure excitment. Azriel couldn’t even remmeebr the last time they had been so excited. 

He couldn't help but chuckle at their reaction. Maybe they would do a better job than him. At least they could probably sieve out females that were in a romantic relationship or preferred females themselves. 

*Find me somebody that I could make happy. Somebody that….Somebody that could want me.* Some long-suffering female for whom Azriel could maybe try to be enough. Somebody that would love him.

*What should she look like?* they asked seriously.

*I don’t care. Find me somebody that loves me and she’ll be the most beautiful female to me anyway.*

[sqoa]

tutoring fratboy!sukuna is fine enough, he pays well and as long as he's passing his classes he's nice enough to you between classes as well. but his attention span is short, and his motivation to study is even thinner frayed. you can't get him to sit still for ten minutes—and when he doesn't pay attention, it's more to the fact he can see your bra outlined under your shirt.

you know he wants to get in your pants. he belongs to a frat: he's open about his intentions with you, but sex doesn't help his grades and he's paying you to help his future. he'd never pay for sex... except for that one time, and the time after that.

but your study sessions grow tedious the more his want boils over. because he insists on sitting closer to get a better look at the book you're referencing. and he's just leaning in to read easier, not to inhale your scent and wonder if you're as wet as he is hard. you cant handle every session running over by fifteen minutes just because he isn't picking up on things like he did when you first started tutoring him.

so, you propose a compromise.

you cockwarm him throughout your study session, and if he recalls the material you went over at the end, you let him fuck you.

and how easily he absorbs all that new knowledge makes you wonder if he really needed a tutor in the first place. more like motivation was what he was needing.

and he's happy to be an eager learner if it means he's rewarded with you splayed over his desk, legs parted as he drills his massive cock into you. you moan so pretty, just as he imagined you would when he first approached you to tutor him.

you cum twice on his cock before he flips you over and fucks you ass-up on his bed. and although his mind is preoccupied with just how well you take his length, how warm and wet and needy you are for his cock even three orgasms in—he also wonders how mad you're going to be when you realise he doesn't even take the class you're tutoring him in.

eh, you don't have to know.

[choochooboss]

Submas Sketchdump Vol. 4 July 2022 Part 2!!

I knew that particular month beat my all time record for productivity multifold but I had forgotten SO MANY PIECES from the original collection!! I think I finally got them all?? More stuff under the cut!!

BREAKMAS!! WIP of the first piece I posted of them, here's the link to the final version! I tried coloring this first but the black & white had ultimately more impact so I went with that!

TRAINS!! I like this base color version too! Link to the final version!

The top sketch is a direct reference to Cluedo! A spinoff game, "Missingo", starring certain familiar characters trying to figure out what happened to Ingo/trying to prove their innocence in the case! Also WIP sketches for these two Breakmas comic pages!

As you may know I adore butlermas! For the classy and stylish look which appeals to me in general, and coincidentally I had played PLA & got hit by submas train only one week before butler Ingo's banner rolled out! The pure bliss of finally meeting both twins in a game I felt was incomparable!! This moment in the Curious Tea Party event was really entertaining to me! We got to see submas get serious and stand up against this selfish collector thief! Two towering train twinks with commanding voices looming over the unfortunate guy was enough to make him change his mind ahah! They truly are the protectors

1-hour submas challenge prompt "Descend"! This is the actual one hour result before I continued rendering this!

Mmmmm not my first attempt at drawing them hug and definitely not my best OR last. I want to make that moment something very special when I finally go all out on it!!

Comic cover vibing~

The scrapped last page for this silly comic! Sorry the dialogue is all over the place on the first piece, might be hard to read! I wasn't happy with how I presented Elesa, I wasn't familiar enough with her character back then so I thought of her carrying a toy taser to threat her friend even as a joke was too much and I couldn't come up with anything else for it. This held me back from posting the other three pages for another 5 months! In the last panel

I prefer to not mess up the twins too much but my brain is still very curious and conjures some peculiar stuff like this sometimes.. I think I may have broken his arms there looking at the anatomy, ooops! I hope you don't mind the photo quality or the two weird guys in the corner, they escaped containment!

Idea of warden Ingo, being projected to modern era by his Alakazam, walking through crowd on a train platform & Emmet standing inside a passing train. Their eyes meet for just a few seconds...

Pokemas Ingo practise!

Another WIP of a piece I posted! I started this piece like this but then later I decided to flip the whole thing.

YET another WIP of something I already posted! No idea why I went and mixed up his suits but I like this sketch! They rarely end up looking this clean haha

Sketch version of the self-defense practise piece! I love getting creative with action stuff! I barely ever think of how difficult they are to draw, I just get so excited and fixated on visualising the scenes in my mind I just keep at it, pull out refs and pose in front of mirrors until it looks good to me! I want to draw more action scenes but besides being challenging to draw my brain comes up with more silly and cute ideas than cool ones unfortunately ahah

One more WIP, here's the link to the final results!! I really like how genuine their expressions look here even if the faces are a little off. I recall spending a long time figuring out this perspective. I thought it would be fun to you to see how all these pieces started and... looking at the sketch above and the stuff before that, you can compare some range of my style!

RANDOM SUBMAS MISSILES GO

OHHH looks like some nasty passengers got the best of them!! If I recall correctly there was no fight because they managed to paralyse the two before they could act. Fully awake yet completely helpless... how convenient unfortunate. Thank you so much for checking these out!! Not every sketch is that exciting but I'm always happy to hear your thoughts on these!

Previous posts: Sketch dump Vol. 1: April-June 2022 Sketch dump Vol. 2: July 2022 Sketch dump Vol. 3: August 2022

[rowdyluv]

WHAT’S MINE IS MINE jh⁸⁶

disclaimer: you are responsible for your own interactions with posts on the internet. the text of this post is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. if you are a minor and choose to ignore the disclaimer, other warnings, and continue to read you, yourself, are at fault.

summary: in which y/n has wondering eyes while in a relationship with jack, jack gets fed up and reminds her who she’s with.

word count: 3.08k

warnings: porn with a lot of plot, protected p in v, degradation, praise if you squint, sad jack if you squint, spit kink, nicknames (baby, babygirl, etc) to cover: downright filth

notes: hi there request finished for @sweetestdesire after rewriting five times? i think? her and basically wrote it together in our texts so I scratched that one and we ended up here 🥲

The fire crackled and spit, throwing shadows across the faces of the small group huddled around the makeshift pit. The scent of roasting marshmallows filled the night air, mingling with the faint whispers of the surrounding forest. Y/n, caught in the warm embrace of Jack, leaned back into his broad chest, her heart racing in a way it hadn't in months.

The friends surrounding them were all familiar faces, all people she was comfortable with. There’s one. Just one she was particularly a little too comfortable with.

At least in her desire for him. Which she knew was wrong. She knew she shouldn’t have some silly crush on her long term boyfriend’s best friend. But she did.

Trevor.

Tonight, Trevor sat across from her and Jack, the flickering firelight playing across his jawline and the sharp lines of his cheekbones. His eyes met hers every so often, the intensity of his gaze sending a shiver down her spine. Y/n felt Jack's arms tighten around her waist as if he could sense her wandering thoughts about Trevor, and she forced a smile engaging in a conversation with someone on the opposite side of his direction, pretending she hadn't noticed the way Trevor's eyes lingered on her.

Jack’s body tensed. He was looking at his supposed best friend, watching him practically eye fuck his girlfriend right in front of him. He’d had enough of this shit. This summer was supposed to be a time for all of them to kick back, relax, and enjoy the lake house. But every time Trevor was around, Jack felt like he was fighting for Y/n’s attention.

The one person he shouldn’t have to fight for.

The tension grew thicker than the smoke rising from the pit, and the conversation around them grew quieter between some of the non-regular Hughes guests. Y/n felt it too, her heart fluttering as she tried to ignore the dance of the shadows on Trevor’s face. The way his teeth glinted as he took a sip of his beer. The way the flames reflected in his eyes, making them look like molten gold. How his eyes squinted when he laughed at a “joke” Quinn told, that wasn’t really a joke, so the rest of us would laugh at Trevor for laughing so hard.

Jack's grip grew firmer over time, his thumb idly stroking her side. It was a gentle touch, but one that sent a possessive message that wasn’t lost on her. She took a deep breath and turned her gaze back to the fire, focusing on the hypnotic dance of the flames. She knew Jack was watching her, waiting for her to acknowledge the tension. But she couldn’t. It would only make things awkward the next three months.

Her eyes flicked back over once more, shocked to see Trevor’s eyes narrowed and his eyebrows furrowed. Jack’s hand slid to her thigh and gripped slightly. Just enough to make her jump.

“Up. Let’s go.” he murmured in her ear, his voice a dark rumble that sent a shiver down her spine.

“Wha— What?” Y/n stumbled over her words, standing up as Jack started standing before she was ready.

“You heard me. Let’s. Go.” He repeated through gritted teeth and grabbing ahold of her hand. “G’night everyone.” He muttered before pulling her inside.

Once they were out of earshot and inside the dimly lit cabin, Jack pushed her up against the first blank wall he could find. The suddenness of his movement made her gasp, but she didn’t resist.

“Did you just forget that I existed out there? I’d say not fucking likely since you were on my lap.” He huffed. “What the fuck was that huh?”

He didn’t give her time to answer before taking ahold of her hand again and continuing on to their bedroom.

Y/n's breathing grew heavier with each step, her heart racing as Jack's hand remained a firm presence around her wrist, almost as if he was afraid she'd bolt. The room was dark when they entered, the only light coming from the crack under the door from the hallway, but it was enough to illuminate the anger on Jack’s face. He pushed her down onto the bed, his eyes blazing with a mix of jealousy and desire.

"What is it about him?" Jack’s voice was low and gruff, so different from his casual softness that always fills the air around him. Y/n felt the heat rise in her cheeks, her body betraying her with the way it flushed in desire.

"I... I don't know," she stumbled over her words, trying to pull her hand away. But Jack's grip was like iron, unyielding as he leaned into her. She could feel the heat of his breath on her face, the scent of his minty gum and the woodsmoke clinging to him. "He just... I don't know, babe."

Jack's eyes searched hers, his jaw clenched tightly. "Is it because you think he can give you something I can't?" His voice was a dangerously low whisper, the kind that promised both passion and pain if she didn't give him the answer he wanted.

Y/n felt her stomach tighten at the accusation, but she couldn't deny that the thought hadn't crossed her mind. Trevor was... well different. There was something about his filthy stories that made her curious, lustful. Something raw and primal. But she didn't dare voice it. Instead, she tried to play it cool, her voice a shaky whisper. "It's not like that, Jack."

“Bullshit. I bet if I touched you right now you’d be dripping.” Jack dropped his hold on her wrists and moved to her thighs. “Would I win that bet?”

Y/n swallowed hard, trying to keep her cool. But the way his eyes bore into her, the way his hands ghosted over her skin, it was hard to resist the heat that was already building in her core. He was going to prove to her that she didn’t need Trevor. That she only needed him.

"Jack, it's... it's all for you always for you," she blurted out, her voice trembling. "I swear, it's just... I don't know, curiosity."

He stepped away from her. “Curious? You’re curious about if he can fuck you better than me?” There’s a hint of playfulness in his tone.

“Oh sweet, sweet pathetic baby girl, there’s no one else that will ever be able to make you cum like I can. Especially not Trevor Zegras” He took a hold of her by the side of the neck, the tips of his calloused fingers gripping the back.

“Do you understand that, or do I need to fuck your tight little cunt to remind you?” Jack says confidently, pushing her back against the bed and kneeling over her.

Y/n bit her lip, the heat of embarrassment and arousal mixing in her cheeks. She couldn’t resist the urge to look back up at him, his eyes gleaming with a mix of challenge and desire.

Jack smirks and without saying another word, he tugged at the waistband of her shorts, pulling them down in one swift motion along with her underwear, leaving her bare and exposed. A cool breeze kissed her skin, making her shiver. He spread her legs wide, his eyes darkening as he took in the sight of her.

He placed a single finger at the apex of her thighs and dragged it along her slit, parting her folds. Y/n's breath hitched as the sensation sent a jolt through her body. The warmth from his touch was a shock compared to the chilly air of the cabin, causing her to jolt her body up to meet his hand.

Jack's smirk grew into a full smile at her reaction. He knew she was sensitive there. He knew how she liked it. "Mhmm, looks like I won that bet," he said, his voice filled with a smug satisfaction. He pushed a finger inside of her, a silent burning challenge in his eyes as he waited for her to react.

“So wet, just like the little slut that you are.”

He quickly added two more fingers, and they delved inside her, working deeper into her each pump in, his digits coated with her slick arousal. His other hand worked in tandem with his fingers, his knuckles grazed her clit with every stroke. Y/n’s eyes rolled back in her head, a soft moan escaping her lips followed by whimpers.

She couldn’t believe she was letting him do this out of sheer jealousy, but the way he touched her, the way he claimed her, it was all of the intense emotions she’d been wanting from Trevor. All of the stories she’d heard them share where he was such an intense partner in bed, she wanted that, craved it truthfully.

Yet her body responded to her boyfriend with such an urgency that surprised even her. Her hips bucked, pushing her closer to the edge of ecstasy. His fingers were relentless, a constant rhythm that seemed to sync with the beat of the music now playing in the distance outside. The all familiar warmth spread through her, her pussy clenching around him as she grew closer to her orgasm with every second that passed.

“Jack.” His name left her lips in the softest breathless whisper one could ever share. “More please.”

Jack leaned in closer, with a menacing chuckle as he studied her already fucked out features.

“You’re such a needy whore, aren’t you?” He murmured against her ear, his teeth nipping at her lobe. He watched her face contort with pleasure, her eyes roll back slightly, and before her back could arch he removed his fingers abruptly.

“Not so fast.” He tsked. His slick coated fingers grazed her bottom lip, which she took in her mouth without hesitation. “You’ll cum when I cum. If I decide we’re going that far.”

Y/n whimpered, unable to form coherent words as she nodded frantically. She could feel her wetness seeping from between her thighs and onto the bed beneath her, she was aching, begging for more of his rough touch.

“Jack.” His name drawn out the only thing she could manage to string together.

Jack chuckled darkly.

He grabbed her hips and yanked her to the edge of the bed. His mouth claimed hers in a bruising kiss, his tongue invading her mouth. His hands were everywhere, running up her thighs, grabbing her ass, moving to cradle her head. His hands moved down her arms, rough palms grazing her skin, sending goosebumps in their wake, until he reached the hem of her shirt.

“Take it off.” He demands of her, and with a swift upward motion, y/n lifted it over her head. She had made the decision to go braless a simple tease to both boys, yet a fact she hadn’t even noticed herself in the heat of the moment.

But now, her nipples were peaked and begging for attention, standing tall against her pale skin.

“You wanted him to look at you. You wanted him to think about what these,” Jack pinched her nipples at the same time “felt like in his mouth, how you reacted when they were played with. Didn’t you?” He accused her. She avoided looking up at him, until he grabbed her chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look at him.

“I asked you a fucking question.”

“I did it for both of you. I wanted you both to look at me.”

Jack shook his head in disbelief, his eyes smoldering with a new intensity.

“Listen to me y/n. Trevor,” he growled, his voice low and dominant. “Is not your boyfriend, he’s not to look at you the way I do. He’s not the one who is supposed to lean into you when you talk, throw his head back laughing at your silly jokes.” There was a small growl in his words. “Most of all he shouldn’t be looking at your tits like I get to.”

Y/n nods and her eyes fall from holding eye contact with him.

“Because you’re mine. All fucking mine.” He huffs before spitting on one nipple and gliding his fingers across it while pinching the other, earning him a delighted gasp and her eyes jerking back up.

"Is that what you want me to do?" He asks, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "You want me to spit on you, claiming you this way?"

Y/n's cheeks burned with a mix of shame and arousal, the words hitting her like a slap across the face. She nodded, unable to speak, her heart racing as Jack leaned closer to her body and spat in the middle of her chest, the saliva landing on her cleavage, his finger spreading it down her stomach, and teasingly slipping down and over her clit.

His hot breath ghosted against her ear as he whispered, “If you’re good and do as I say the rest of the time, I may just reward you and spit in your mouth like I know you’re really wanting.”

They shared a heated kiss, his hands on her chest working their way down to her thighs spreading them wide. “Bend your knees and put your feet on the edge of the bed.” His tone back to demanding.

Jack's hand smacked down onto her pussy, his fingers plunging back into her without warning for a teasing few thrusts. His thumb and forefinger pinched her clit roughly, then rubbing it in a way that made her back arch off the bed. The sting of his touch mixed with the pleasure, a delicious cocktail that made her head spin.

After snagging a condom from the drawer and rolling it on, he spat once more aiming for and perfectly hitting her clit. Taking his painfully hard cock he rubbed the spit across her pussy.

“Jack. Please just,” Y/n whimpered.

He kept teasing her. Sliding the head of cock just barely in and right back out, the back up over her clit.

“Are you sure you deserve it,?” He teased.

She eagerly nodded and at that he thrust into her, burying himself to the hilt in one swift movement.

She cried out his name, her nails digging into the bed sheets as he filled her completely. He didn't pause, didn't give her time to adjust. He just started moving, his hips pistoning into her with a brutal rhythm that had her seeing stars. Each thrust was punctuated with a grunt, his breath hot on her neck as he claimed her over and over again.

Y/n's body was on fire, each stroke of his cock sending waves of pleasure crashing over her. She could feel herself getting wetter, her walls tightening around him as she neared climax. Jack's hands roamed over her body, his rough calloused touch a drastic difference to the smoothness of her skin. He pinched her nipples, rolled them between his thumb and forefinger, drawing out her moans.

He knew her body like he knew hockey, knew every button to push, every spot that made her whimper and writhe with pleasure.

The room was filled with the maxed out sound of their heavy breathing and the slap of skin on skin. The headboard banging against the wall was a steady metronome to their passionate symphony.

Y/n's eyes rolled back in her head as Jack's thumb found her clit again, rubbing it in tight, fast circles that had her teetering on the edge of release. She could feel the tension coiling in her stomach, the heat building between her legs.

"Jack," she screeched. "I'm going to come."

He smirked, his teeth grazing her earlobe. "Come for me, baby. Show me how much you're mine."

The words pushed her over the edge, and she shattered around him, her orgasm ripping through her like a tornado. She clung to him, her nails leaving half-moons in his back as she rode the waves of pleasure. He didn't slow, didn't stop, his rhythm relentless as he pushed her through the aftershocks of her climax.

Her legs were trembling when he finally pulled out, his cock slick with their combined juices. He flipped her onto her stomach, his hand pressing into her back as he re-entered her from behind. The angle was deeper, more intense, and she moaned into the pillow, her body still sensitive from the first orgasm. He meant what he said earlier, she would cum, when he came and he was keeping that word.

Jack sat them up, still fucking her from behind, hitting all new areas, and all new angles. An entirely new position for them.

“Baby, I’m so.” She couldn’t finish her sentence as her body shuttered.

“Let go, pretty girl.” His voice was at its most normal all night at that moment. His resolve breaking.

As she came again, her pussy spasming around him, had Jack letting out a something like a roar. He pulled out, his cock pulsing with his own release into the condom. He grabbed her hair, pulling her head back giving him access to suck on her collarbone, marking her, not caring who will see for the days to come. The act was a reminder of his earlier promise, he grabbed her by the hips, flipping her over so he could see her face.

“Open baby girl. You were so good for me.” He said tapping her lower lip and leaned over, spit pooling in his mouth, and without a moment of hesitation, he leaned in and spit into her mouth. She swallowed, her eyes locked on his watching, waiting.

He kissed her hard then, his tongue pushing into her mouth, tasting himself on her. It was a claiming, it was desperate and a branding of her as his own. And as he pulled away, the hard tough man look from before was gone. It was replaced with a look of insecurity and worry.

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to get you a towel and start you a bath.” His voice soft as if he was concerned now that someone may hear him.

He grabbed his underwear and was pulling them on when Y/n reached for him.

“Jack, I think you should say what’s on your mind.” Her voice just as soft as his seconds ago.

Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at his hands that he was fidgeting with.

"Please… Please tell me that you're only mine. Just mine," he pleaded his back to her, his voice thick with need. If his words had been drawn out heartache would be circling every letter of every word.

"Of course I am," she whimpered, her voice muffled by the lump in her throat. "Always yours, only yours.”

Jack turned and looked at her, “Always?”

“Always.”

© property of rowdyluv ; do not copy and re-upload as your own - anywhere. do not place my work inside AI codes, do not translate.

[strawberrystepmom]

cw: alcohol mention, suggestive. narumi x f!reader. anatomy is mentioned (breasts). reader works for the jakdf as a seismologist and is specifically not japanese or from japan. | word count: 1.2k, reading time: 5 minutes.

“Tachibana is such an asshole.” 

Narumi’s rant, the one that started while you gently scrubbed his back in the shower after scurrying back to your apartment hand in hand, has managed to continue all the way into your bedroom. 

“I swear to anyone listening I’m going to make him run until his legs fall off tomorrow.”

Tonight marked the third time the first division has invited you out to enjoy drinks and dinner with them in the three months you’ve officially been here. They intentionally sat you and Gen next to each other, pouring gratuitous amounts of alcohol into both of your cups the moment they were emptied. 

“That’s not very nice,” you tut from your side of the bed, comforter still pulled down so your boyfriend can climb in beside you. He does so with a groan, instantly reaching for your chest to squeeze one of your t-shirt clad tits. 

“It’s not very nice of him to look down your shirt while I’m sitting right fucking there either, now is it?”

Your nipple pebbles in response to the stimulation and he chuckles to himself, kicking the blankets around his legs until he’s settled.

A night out that turns into a grudge isn’t an entirely uncommon occurrence for him. Every time you come along he ends up frustrated that someone wants to grab your attention from him, asking you questions about your personal life and how you’re finding Tokyo now that autumn has slowly started to give way to winter. Does everyone have to be so friendly all the time?

Turning your head to face him for a moment, you raise a brow and smirk. 

“Are you jealous?”

Sighing, he tips his head back against the pillow that has been designated as his since the first time he slept over and stares at the ceiling.

“No, I just don’t want him thinking he can look at what belongs to me.”

A puzzled giggle escapes you, Gen still kneading at the soft flesh of your breast. 

“Is that not the textbook definition of jealousy?” There’s the faintest trace of a pout across his handsome features, dimly lit as they are in your dark bedroom. “Besides, it’s not like you publicly claim me. He has no way of knowing and I have a feeling that if anything, he was trying to distract me long enough for Shinonome to talk to you.”

The pout is gone, replaced with gritted teeth. A nerve has been struck, although you didn’t quite intend it to end up that way. It’s enough that he had to watch you be ogled by another man as you graciously leaned forward to fill his cup as he has done yours, now you’ve brought up his subordinate he knows bothers you thanks to her open admiration that leans on more than just hero worship in your opinion. 

Clearly he isn’t the only one suffering from a little condition that starts with a J and has a tendency to turn someone green. 

“That’s your decision not mine,” he shoots back, shifting onto his side so he can curl his body around you. His grip on your flesh will leave behind marks if it goes on too long. With a hiss, you reach for his wrist but he untenses his fingers before you can. The touch returns to the same gentle massaging motion although his mouth remains open and sneering. Narumi sighs and his second hand joins the first in squeezing. 

“Even if they found out, what would they do? Kick me out?”

You turn onto your side, facing him, fingers making their way around the back of his neck to gently scratch his neck and scalp the way you know he likes. It isn’t hard to make him putty in your hands and although you try not to resort to extremes, you need every tool you can get when he’s this worked up. 

His eyes flutter shut and the clench in his jaw slowly relaxes under your gentle touch, softer than maybe this level of petulance deserves but love makes us all soft in ways we don’t always expect. 

It’s why the fear of being found out always tinges these intimate moments with a bit more gray than you’d prefer. You used to simply like Gen. Enjoying his company gradually turned into being unable to function without it which has now led to this, two bodies in one bed, both smelling a bit of sake even though you showered together before peeling the sheets back. 

Somehow being here with him feels more fleeting than loving him from just over 5,000 miles away. 

The fraternization policy at the JAKDF is loosely enforced for enlisted members. Unfortunately, you are not enlisted nor is your work that of killing kaiju which automatically makes you slightly more disposable than your partner. 

“Maybe not you but they’d definitely fire me. Then I’d have to go home, we’d be long distance again, and you’d never get to sleep at night.” Shaking your head, you lean in to press your nose against his. “Not an ideal situation.”

He dips his head to press his nose right back against yours. 

“I could just tell them you’re essential to keep me happy,” he offers and you giggle. “I’m not joking. Keeping me happy should be their first priority anyway.”

There is a bit more humor in what he’s saying than he’ll let on, especially since you both know his subordinates are onto you to some extent. 

Giggling, you rub your nose against his again. He takes it further, dipping his head so that your lips brush against his. Ever greedy, he kisses you so much it almost makes you forget what you’re about to say. You break away before any further distraction can appear, lips still touching even if they aren’t locked. 

“Let’s pretend that you gave them such an ultimatum. What would you even say?”

The once gentle scratching against his scalp has become light tugging at his dark strands of hair and his knee has shoved its way between your thighs, the room growing warmer with each touch. Any distance remaining between the two of you has now been diminished, skin touching skin while he gazes down at you with heavily lidded eyes.

“I’d remind them of how difficult I was before being able to cum in you all the time.”

Opening your mouth to dispute his claims, or to at least ask him to have some decorum, he takes the opportunity to kiss you again before you can. His tongue slides between your teeth to tangle with yours, hands sliding from your chest to your hips and ass that are now being squeezed and kneaded.

Pulling away to catch your breath, lips slicked with spit and pussy resting warmly against the taut muscle of his thigh while he grinds it against you, you giggle breathlessly.

“And who else can say that they do that? Certainly not Tachi –”

Gen captures your lips once again, preventing another man’s name from spilling out of your sweet lips hurriedly. He can let bygones be bygones and if tonight keeps up how it’s going so far, he won’t make him run until his legs break in the morning for stealing a peek.

Maybe.

[yeosanitycheck]

I really need to read something about Wooyoung, any genre.. pleeese🙏🏿

i took forever on this i feel like, im sorry!! but i had such joy and delusion while writing it, enjoy <3

Being the photographer at bf!wooyoung GQ shoot

pairing: wooyoung x reader

warnings!: mdni-- suggestive mature themes & a lil jealousy

a/n: wooyoung's shoot still lives rent free in my mind & new text fic loading!! (i won't write smut in requests unless asked for! :))

You and Wooyoung have been together for about a year, your career paths go hand in hand—but they’ve never crossed until now. The studio is bustling with other crew members, all focused on making the shoot flawless, but that doesn’t stop him from subtly making you the center of his attention. Every time you try to steady yourself and focus on the job, he catches your gaze, his smirk just for you, layered with a touch of mischief.

As Wooyoung stands under the bright studio lights, looking like a vision in luxury designer wear, his gaze locks onto you—the one behind the camera. He gives you a smirk, his eyes holding a playful glint that only you know too well. His hand brushes through his hair as he adjusts his jacket, but you notice how his eyes linger on you just a little longer than necessary, as if silently reminding you that this show is only for you.

One of the assistants, noticing the tension, leans over and whispers, “He’s really working that look for you, huh?” You laugh it off, cheeks warming, trying to brush it aside as professional admiration. But Wooyoung catches the exchange, giving the assistant a subtle side-eye before turning back to you with an even more determined look as if he’s intent on making it impossible for you to look away.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re getting a little too distracted over there, baby,” he teases, breaking his intense stare with a wink. You roll your eyes, trying to keep things professional, but he definitely doesn’t make it easy. With every pose, he pushes the boundaries just a little—giving you a smoldering look that’s clearly meant to fluster just you.

Between takes, your phone buzzes with a message from him. “Bet you’re having a hard time focusing on the job with a view like this ;)” You glance up, catching his eyes over the top of your phone, and he grins, clearly pleased with himself for making you blush.

“You sure you’re taking pictures of my face?” he asks, his voice dropping to a low, suggestive tone that only you can hear, his smile becoming even more mischievous. You catch yourself biting your lip and quickly turn your attention back to the camera. “Focus, Wooyoung,” you utter, fighting a grin as you adjust the lens. He chuckles, taking another step closer, his voice lowering even further. “I’d focus a lot better if you were a little closer,” his tone dripping with absolute mischief. He tosses his hair back with a little more flair than usual, and you click away, capturing every detail.

When another photographer comments on how photogenic Wooyoung is, he gives a faint, barely-there smirk, but you don’t miss the way his gaze sharpens as if silently claiming that only you get to admire him like this. He knows exactly what he’s doing, letting his gaze drift over you with a look that’s almost…possessive.

During a break, he steps forward, catching you by surprise. “Did you get the shot?” he asks softly, his voice low as he brushes his hand over yours on the camera. “Or should I give you a few more to make sure?”

Your cheeks heat up, and he laughs, delighted by your reaction. “Just one more?” he teases, leaning in until his breath tickles your ear. “Unless you’re enjoying this view too much to stop.” With one last smirk, he steps back, holding your gaze just long enough to make your heart race.

As the shoot wraps up, he doesn’t move immediately, his gaze still lingering on you. “Let’s get out of here after this,” he whispers, just for you. “I think we both deserve a reward.” The promise in his voice makes your heart skip a beat, leaving you with the thrill of anticipation.

[kazumist]

EPISODE 23 ✦ PLEASE DONT SAY YOU LOVE ME

LOVE, MAYBE — A CHILDE SMAU

masterlist / prev / next / wc: 838.

with an ice cream already consumed, ajax is walking you home now. it was a silent walk; only the sounds of the leaves slightly rustling around you as well as both of your footsteps can be heard in the area. 

you liked childe—it took you long enough to realize that. but it’s still a lot for you to process. you think it’s mutual, but how can you be so sure? maybe childe is just like that to the people he cares about, right? but god, it surely makes your heart drop to your stomach at the thought of someone else also receiving this treatment from him.

is this an effect of an eldest daughter who’s also a hopeless romantic? perhaps. romantic love was an unfamiliar concept to you, after all. no matter how much you read or consume media that consists of the theme of romance, it will never be enough to give you the understanding that you wish to grasp with the concept. before you knew it, you had already let your words slip.

"why are you doing this?"

"why shouldn't i be doing this?" he asks back, slightly tilting his head to the side.

"i don't get it, childe. why are you doing this?"

childe pauses for a moment, realizing that you are actually serious with your question. he doesn't reply immediately, finding the right words to say first.

"it's because... i love you," he says, only realizing it now as well. he had always liked you, of course, but ajax had only realized that he loved you. he had loved you for a while now.

"what?" you asked him in disbelief.

"i love you, (name)."

"but... why?"

"is a reason necessary?"

your breath hitched at his words. "i—of course it's necessary! i don't get it. i'm a difficult person. i refuse to communicate. i push people away even though deep inside i know i need help because, even as a child, i never got any sort of assistance to begin with. i pressure myself to the point it's way too overwhelming. i fear that one day i'll end up being useless in my own life. i can hardly even understand myself so what more if others would try? i... i find that i'm undeserving of love because there are others who need it more than me."

"so please, ajax. there's no use in loving me. you'll just get tired in the end. there's someone out there who's more deserving of the love you have to give."

please don't say you love me, because i might not say it back.

"no."

"what? didn't you hear what i just said? i'm difficult to love, ajax—"

"i heard it, but that doesn't change the fact that i still love you nonetheless," he replies, taking a step closer.

"(name), i love you with everything i am, everything i've been, and everything i hope to be, and i'll continue to love you even when you push me away. i will always find my way home to you. i'll be there to pull you back up before you sink any further under the pressure you give yourself. you'll never be useless—i'll make sure that you never feel that way. i will understand you no matter whatever it is that needs to be understood with you."

"you are not undeserving of love, because if there's one person in the world that i'd choose to pour my love on, it would be you," he finishes.

“i… no.”

“what?”

“no—i.. i can’t. i’m sorry, tartaglia.” the use of his last name stung for him a bit. “it’s fine if you can’t right now; i’m willing to wai—” you cut him off before he could finish the word. “don’t!” he flinches at the sudden raise of your voice and is taken aback. “why?”

“please… just don’t. there’s others who are better and more deserving of you than me. why me? you’ll just be wasting your time if you wait for me. i probably wouldn’t be able to give you a proper answer. i.. how are you so sure that you love me?”

“that’s fine with me, (name). it’s okay for me to go through all of that because i know i would be doing it for you.” 

stop it. please.

“my answer is still no.”

i’d rather not risk it. i don’t want to take someone for granted, especially if that someone is you.

“but—”

this is for the better.

“go away, ajax.”

he could feel the weakness in your voice when you said those three words. he tried to get closer by taking a step further, but you took a step back. that was when ajax realized that you were sure of your words. “let me still walk you home, just for tonight—this will be the last one,” he says. as you were about to decline, he spoke again first. “i don’t want you to walk home alone when it’s dark.”

even if this might be the last time i’ll get to do this.

extra notes.

wow double update ?!?! watch me ghost this app again for 2 months ... kidding !

had this episode sitting my drafts for MONTHS. im pretty sure this episode has been written ever since i was still uploading ep 5 maybe? somewhere during the making of the early episodes LAWLZ

smau playlist linked here !! pls give it a listen it gives u the extra feels 😋 this episode is highly inspired by please don't say you love me by gabrielle aplin <3

taglist (open): @xianyoon @mitsvriii @kizakiss @kissingkzuha @aethion @phtogravi @ell1e2010 @esthelily @b4tm4nn @hcmay @ivvieene @morganadorodo @kaitfae @kentply @scaranthropy @kyon-cherri @kookiibun @kochothehoe @mekiiiii @ibyobi @iuspired @tetsuskei @kunikuzushis-darling @morgyyyyyyy @chluuvr @scaradooche @kissmiere @a1-ic3 @bubblegum-angelquartz @tiredjxnna @levlucs-kiru @angeilix @cerisescherries @saeskiss @a-talkative-corn @briluvspnk @kamisatoyato @bbysatoruuu @viviixoxosblog @bambisz @chemiru @eternal-dokja @bflyprincess @jamieexistss @monocerosei @enjisthings @jangyung @hahalame @cupid-spams @snzhrchy @ukinya @luciledreamz @bisatanica @bananasquash @almond-t0fu @thegalaxyisunfolding @jaguarthecat [1/2]

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

Yanno something I don't think is explored nearly enough? Ambrosius's relationship with the Director, and I'm referring to both versions here because they're both interesting in both similar and different ways

For the movie version (I will talk about the comic version on this post too, don't you worry) first of all my pal @walrus150915 wrote an incredible fic exploring this for the NBB please go read it right fucking now, but moving on from that, Ambrosius arguably saw the Director as his mom, or at least a stand-in for his mom.

She was (or seemed to be) a nurturing but authoritative adult who guided him in the role he was supposed to fill. A lot of people like to write her as an overtly nasty bitch in pre-canon fics, and while I completely get that, let's not forget that Ballister, at the beginning of the movie, found it potentially believable that he was her favorite student. He was dumbfounded and devastated to see she had been the one to frame him, he couldn't believe it and never suspected her for a second. I'll talk more about Ballister's relationship with her in another post, but the point is this is an Oscar-winning actress, people!

Ambrosius had every reason to look up to her and believe she cared about him. And she went from (in his perspective) treating him with patience, kindness, sympathy and respect, to trying to MURDER HIM.

You don't just get over a parental figure doing something like that to you (then oh yeah, promptly fucking d y i n g). The pain, the loss of realizing someone you loved and trusted was never who you thought they were (after he'd been battling those same feelings about Ballister) and never really cared about you as a person, it would be devastatingly traumatic. Like poor guy what the fuck. He had to cope with that WHILST trying to repair his broken relationship Jesus Christ

And that's not even getting INTO the comic version, which I will be getting into now. There's a big difference between the two and I think that's in no small part due to the timeframe. C! Ambro has been under the Director's thumb a full 15 years longer than his counterpart. This gave her time to exert more control over him, and also gave him time to grow more aware of her behavior. M!Ambro and the Director have the relationship of a person and their (non-sexual) groomer, while C!Ambro's relationship with her is more overtly that of a person and their abuser.*

She's regularly seen threatening him, threatening to have his loved one (Ballister) killed if he doesn't obey her thereby forcing him to do things against his will (like murder a child), insulting him, and showing him absolutely zero sympathy or kindness, even when he's seriously harmed. I think Ambrosius would, by this point, know that the Director isn't a good person and that she doesn't love him, but she's had much more time to sink her claws into him.

He's not going to leave her. This life, being the Champion, working for her, it's all he knows, and it's all he has. Where is he going to go, back to Ballister? Ballister hates him (because the Director took measures to isolate Ambrosius from him) and he's worked for the Institution his whole life. He knows the Director is bad, but he still trusts her. This is the devil he knows, at least, so by the time the story takes place he at least feels confident that they have a mutual understanding.

I imagine it took time to get to this point. He saw her as a mentor and spent most of his life desperate for her approval. After the joust, I can only imagine this got worse. She was all he had, and he'd do anything to prove himself worthy of the championship title he knows deep down that he stole. He probably saw her as a real friend for a long time, no matter how obvious she made it that the feeling wasn't mutual, and that he'd have to try ever harder to earn her praise.

What I'm saying is this man spent fifteen years under the boot of his abuser, then after fifteen years of grooming and psychological abuse she threw him in the trash, stripped him of his title and everything he'd worked for, tried to have his lover executed, then fucking died. And NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT??? HELLOO?????

*this is not to say that M! Ambro's relationship with the Director was not abusive, it was, or that C! Ambro wasn't groomed, he was. Simply that for him, the grooming had more time to develop into overt, recognizable abuse.

[mightbeimpossiblenotto]

Halloween - Oct 31 - @rosekillermicrofic - 646 words - Warnings: none

A/N - sorry this is so late! But I am taking the opportunity to remind any Americans reading this to go vote!!!

Barty

The party was already in full swing when they arrived, dance music audible from outside the house. Barty and Evan parked on the street and crept behind the cars to get to the back entrance. Evan slipped the spare key from under the mat, sliding it into the lock with a barely audible snick as the door opened. Once open, they could hear the light chatter and laughter of their friends coming from the living room. They waited in the dark hallway.

“I’ll go get more drinks,” Regulus said, “Anyone want anything?” People chimed in with their preferred beverages, but Barty ignored that, sneaking into the kitchen to wait for Regulus.

“Oh, I have to pee!” Pandora said, and Evan was stepping into the bathroom, pulling back the shower curtain before Barty even had to direct him.

Barty hid behind the pantry door, which was conveniently made up of horizontal slats that Barty could see through. He could see He waited until Regulus had placed all of the empty glasses onto the counter before leaving his hiding spot silently, He tiptoed behind Regulus as he opened the fridge, reaching to grab something — just as Barty wrapped his arms around him and pressed a plastic knife to Regulus’s throat.

“What the fuck?!” Regulus struggled in his hold, squirming until Barty let him go with a sharp laugh. “Oh, fucking hell, Barty. When did you even get here?”

“I scared you!” Barty chuckled, lifting the mask up to grin at Reg, who was glaring at him. “Aw, c’mon Reg, don’t you like my costume? It’s a classic!”

“Of course Scream is your favorite scary movie,” Regulus scoffed, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, and what’s your favorite scary movie, then?” Barty asked, smiling down at his shorter friend.

“It’s not Halloween,” Regulus deadpanned, referring to the opening sequence of Scream. “And we’re not on the phone.”

“What’s your answer, Reg?” Barty goaded.

“Psycho. Obviously.” Regulus had returned to the fridge, pulling out what he needed to make everyone’s drinks.

“Ah, ‘we all go a little mad sometimes,’” Barty quoted, pulling his mask back down. Regulus shook his head at Barty, but he caught a secretive smile on his friend’s face as he headed into the living room to greet his other friends.

Evan

Perhaps it was wrong to wait in the bathroom behind the shower curtain for his sister to walk in, but Evan was doing it anyway. He waited only long enough for her to enter the room and pull the door shut behind her before tearing open the curtain, making her jump and yelp.

“What’s the matter?” Evan said in a voice deeper than his own. ‘“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’”

Pandora stared at him inquisitively for a moment before shaking off the brief scare. “‘No, please don’t kill me, Mr. Ghostface! I wanna be in the sequel!’”

“You were supposed to be more scared than that,” Evan groaned, tugging his mask up to reveal his face. Pandora just beamed at him.

“You have to get out now, so I can go pee,” Pandora informed him, and Evan scrambled out of the bathtub and into the hallway, the door slamming shut behind him. He trekked down the hall to the living room, where Barty had already joined the small crowd.

Barty had saved him a seat on the loveseat in front of the fireplace. James scoffed when he saw the two of them together, complete with Ghost Face masks and costumes.

“You two look like a couple of psychos,” Sirius commented, despite his slutty Red Riding Hood costume.

“Movies don’t create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative,” Evan deadpanned. Barty ducked his head to muffle a laugh against Evan’s shoulder through the mask. The cheap fabric was itchy and the plastic had an unappealing smell, but Evan was more content than he’d ever been.

[izzymissi]

BOOKWORM Chapter 1, Daniela Dimitrescu x FemReader Slowburn Romance fic. 🥰💕🥰

Any feedback or Suggestions are appreciated!!

As the days in Castle Dimitrescu wore on, you found refuge in its grand, dimly lit library. It was a place untouched by the cold stone walls outside, warm and inviting with rows of endless books that whispered of lives, lands, and mysteries far beyond the reach of the village. You’d been a maid here long enough to know that silence and discretion were your safest companions. Yet, in the solitude of the library, you allowed yourself to indulge in the fantastical worlds nestled between the dusty pages.

You were drawn to romance, to tales of knights and hidden love that swelled with longing glances and trembling hands reaching across dangerous divides. Each evening, after your duties were done, you would steal away to this secluded corner, tucking yourself between the towering shelves with a well-worn novel. And it was in these quiet moments, bathed in the soft amber glow of the reading lamp, that you felt a rare sense of peace.

What you didn’t know was that Daniela had noticed your little routine long ago.

Daniela Dimitrescu, the vibrant, fiery, and notoriously mischievous youngest daughter of Lady Dimitrescu, rarely went unnoticed herself. She had a certain energy that crackled around her, a grin that was both charming and intimidating, and a boldness that left others stumbling. Yet even with all the attention she could command, Daniela craved something else—something that, perhaps, lay hidden in the pages of the books she so often wandered off to read. When she saw you, the castle maid, repeatedly disappearing into her favorite spot, the spark of curiosity soon grew into something else entirely.

At first, she simply observed. She’d peek around corners or catch the faintest glimpse of you, head tilted down, lost in your reading. But after a few weeks, she was itching to see what kind of person could lose themselves so completely in a book.

One evening, she finally made her move. The library was quiet, and you were entirely unaware of the quick, eager footsteps approaching behind you. Absorbed in the pages of a particularly intense romance, you didn’t notice her shadow fall over you until—

“Oh, you little bookworm!” Daniela’s voice broke the silence, making you jump. You looked up to see her grinning down at you, hands on her hips and eyes alight with mischief. “I knew I’d find you here! What’s that? Romance? Ah, I didn’t peg you for a romantic, but I like it!”

You felt your cheeks heat, embarrassment flooding you at being caught. “I… didn’t hear you come in, my Lady,” you stammered, frantically closing the book, but her hand shot out, catching your wrist with surprising ease.

“Oh, don’t be shy! Let me see!” she demanded, pulling the book toward her. “Is it some steamy forbidden love story? It is, isn’t it?” She looked back at you with a wild grin, her face mere inches from yours as she tried to get a better look at the cover. “Ohhh, I see! You really like these stories, huh?”

“Yes, my Lady,” you mumbled, your cheeks burning even more under her gaze. But she only laughed, a warm, delighted sound, and let go of the book, though she didn’t pull back from you. In fact, she seemed entirely too pleased by your shyness.

“Well then!” she announced with a grin. “Since I’ve caught you, I demand to know why you’re always hiding out here reading alone! You could’ve told me sooner, you know. I’m dying for someone to read with me!”

The idea of sitting beside her, reading with her, was thrilling yet terrifying. “I… I didn’t know you enjoyed reading, my Lady.”

She raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Of course I do! You think I just sit around all day? Besides, I bet I could recommend a few books that’d knock your socks off,” she said, nudging you with her elbow as if you were sharing some sort of inside joke.

“Maybe we could read… together?” you ventured, heart pounding. The look of excitement that spread across her face was instant, her eyes wide with a mixture of delight and mischief.

“Oh, you’re on!” she said, practically bouncing. “Starting tomorrow, I’m dragging you in here with me every night. And don’t think you can weasel your way out, because I’ll hunt you down if I have to.” She was grinning, her fingers tapping excitedly against your arm as if already picturing all the stories she’d share with you.

And so it began. In the evenings that followed, Daniela would wait for you by the library, greeting you with the same irrepressible enthusiasm each time you arrived. She’d grab your hand, leading you to the armchairs by the fireplace, practically pulling you down beside her, her eyes already shining with excitement for the next story. She’d insist on sharing passages with you—laughing, poking your shoulder, and reading with exaggerated drama that made it impossible not to smile along with her.

You tried to keep your heart steady, but it was nearly impossible with Daniela’s hands brushing against your arm, her laughter echoing so close to your ear, and her leg casually pressing against yours as she leaned over to read what you were reading. She was bold, unafraid of the touches and gestures that sent your heart racing, and entirely oblivious to the effect it had on you.

[howlettloki]

Less smut, more meaningful words with such eloquence, well executed plot, characterizations and world building.

A Loki (Marvel)/Reader Fic Recommendation

If you’re like me, who loves to read longer fics then this blog post is for you. This list features beautiful books I have read featuring Loki and the reader for the past 5 years. This is long overdue I have been planning to do this for a while now. I’ll do my best to share all of them in one post (might probably edit this once I remember more). One thing, I really love when an author finds a way to not use Y/N. Enjoy the list!

Completed Fics

Frostbite by Maiden_of_Asgard

Synopsis:

Iceland is nice - sure, you probably should’ve picked a time of year when the weather was a little warmer, but it isn’t too bad, and at least you’re away from your desk job, right? It’s a pretty big adventure.

You’ve always said that you wanted more adventure in your life.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This one you’ve probably read, if not go check it out. It’s one of the best out there. I mean, need I say more?

The Proposal by BirdsofHermes

Synopsis:

An AU gender-reversal of the 2009 romantic comedy The Proposal. You work for Loki Laufeyson at Asgard International Publishing. He accidentally lets his work Visa expire and is about to be deported back to England, so he blurts out that he's marrying you. Now you have to convince an immigration inspector as well as your own family that you're in love with Loki or he gets deported for life and you face five years jail time.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have read this more than one can count fingers in their hands.

Broken Crown by Michelleleahhh

Synopsis:

Your betrothal to Thor was convenient - brokered as an alliance between two powerful families.

Your marriage to Loki... is unimaginable.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Please proceed with caution and read the tags. When I read this the first time, I was new to this world but I remembered enjoying reading this piece. I just recently re-read this, and I just found some minor stuff I didn’t really enjoy. Overall the story and the plot got me hooked however, there’s just few chapters that I feel could’ve been explored more and executed better. Still, I enjoyed reading this the second time around.

Fǫruneyti by Evaldrynn

Synopsis:

A story in which a herbalist makes a decision that will drastically change her life, and in which a prince begins to realise that there might still be hope for him yet. A tale of danger, adventure, friendship - and, ultimately, love. 

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️✨

This one I stopped reading at 70%, I have certain icks when it comes to reading and once I reach that ick jar I’m done. It was still beautifully written, got me hooked and all, loved the progress. What can I say, I love slow burns.

The Devil Inside by Ursus_minor

Synopsis:

You're a free lance artist and just running short of rent money for the month, so when your good buddy Thor offers you a one-off job at his sister's company, you take it - even though helping his little brother out with some paperwork sounds awfully tedious

I always wondered what Loki, Hela and Thor would do if they were 'mere mortals'

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️✨

It’s deleted but I was lucky enough to have read this way back 2020. It was one of my favorite back then, because it was hard to find a long fic where Loki is not the God of Mischief but just a mere mortal living amongst us. I honestly forgot most about this story, I only remember bits and pieces, you’re Thor’s best friend and he helped you gain money by working under Loki, like the synopsis said.

A Study In Suit by lowkeyorloki

Synopsis:

You've worked too damn hard to get into Professor Laufeyson's course, and you're not about to let your pesky attraction to him get in the way. Your Professor, however, has other plans.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Professor Loki. That’s it.

From the Void, With Love by pilotisms

Synopsis:

Torn from time, you have to navigate the TVA with the one person who singlehandedly tried to conquer NYC. Turns out you & him have a future-past. Time is weird.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is one of the best I’ve read, this is my second to The Proposal. I fucking love this you have no idea. Wished there was a longer sequel though.

Litklœði by GoldTrimmedSpectacles

Synopsis:

“And the sire promised that he would spend the rest of his days searching for the cure of the flower disease which took his friend. And he did find this cure, but not without a cost,” Frigga explained and stroked Loki’s head as the illusions vanished. “But now, when one is fraught with flowers in their chest, a völva can remove these flowers with seiðr – saving the victim’s life and removing the vines from their lungs.”

The Allmother paused and looked at your small, childish face. Her smile was kind and full, but her eyes lay empty and sad. The knowledge of yet to come lay heavy on her features.

However, be warned my child, that with the removal of lung flowers the feelings of unrequited love will be removed too. As will any remaining trace of friendship. So be careful how you give your heart, my dear. You may never know what you could lose.

Review:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Hanahaki Disease AU? Anyone? This one is from my previous blog post. Pure feelings. Loved young loki and young reader.

In Progress or Abandoned Gems

Mea Culpa by OlympianWine

Synopsis:

Six years ago yours and Loki's relationship came to an abrupt and messy end, leaving resentment and hurt in its wake. Now you haven't heard a whisper of him in years, until he turns up at his brother's wedding, seemingly changed for the better, and you're thrust into facing both him and the memories you had buried. But a dangerous figure from Loki's past looms overhead, and Thanos is determined to hunt Loki down and make him pay for betraying him.

Review:

💔💔💔💔💔

I mean based on the synopsis who wouldn’t want to read that? Last update was last year, here’s to hoping it’ll update more or I’m gonna have to kms.

Anagapesis by OlympianWine

Synopsis:

You have a perfect life; a loving husband, a beautiful baby. But when it all comes crashing down, you must put survival ahead of sentiment and turn to a darker prince - your husband's brother. Loki is cruel and cold, and he hates you with a burning passion. Or so you think.

Review:

💔💔💔💔

Just when you think you’re falling, he makes you remember what type of person he is. I feel for Loki, but he’s just cruel man. I wish there was more so I could understand him a bit more.

Seiðmaðr by GoldTrimmedSpectacles

Synopsis:

Amidst the fallen brethren of the Vanaheimr war against Muspelheim, the dark prince of Asgard finds himself lost and riddled with amnesia. His words are barbed, his tongue is gilded and his eyes are sharp. He has no recollection of his name or family, but he soon comes to realise that perhaps it is best for the past to be shadowed by the future, and that life as a beloved commoner is better than life as a miserable prince.

Review:

💔💔💔💔💔

I’m a sucker for fantasy and a well executed world building. I love how I’m instantly transported into the world created by the author and I feel alive inside. I wish there was a way to find out what happens next. I just love this so mich I wish there was more.

[mikad0ll]

♡₊˚ work yourself to the bone | reiner braun

Part one of Wild Wild West series

Summary: It's your first day on a farm, and everyone seems to take you for a dumb city girl. That gets worse when you start working for one of the farmers named Reiner, and he's eager to teach you how to work hard and work yourself to the bone…

Content: fem! Reader, farmer! Reiner, oral (f → m), size kink, praise, ass and boobs fondling, doggy style, p in v, a bit of overstimulation, slight degradation, semi-public sex, unprotected, creampie, dirty talk

Word count: 4k

"So here is your room: "your caretaker- Jim says, "it's not much, but I am pretty sure you have read the conditions. "His large frame brushes against your shoulder as he inches his way out of your room,

It really is nothing pretty for your liking. The walls are moldy, and your bed looks more like a rock than a regular human bed. But as he said, you have signed up for this.

"What about the food? "you ask shyly; part of you doesn't even want to know what the meals will look like. The man lights up his cigarette, taking time to answer your questions. You follow the smoke with your eyes, waiting until he tells you.

"The breakfast is at 6 typically, but I'm not changing you to the wall, so if you wake up early, just take something out of the fridge. "You gulp at his statement; what does he mean if you wake up earlier?

"Does anyone wake up earlier? "you try to joke, but your nervous laughter at the end makes it more awkward. He raises one eyebrow at you, smiling under his cigarette.

"You're a city girl, right? "he knows the answer, but he can't let the opportunity to ask you get away from him, "Most of my boys wake up at 4 to go feed the animals. It's just you and the other volunteers that sleep late. "

To be honest, you would be glad if you could meet the other volunteers, but the distance is too long, and everyone works under each of your boss's boys.

"Okay, unpack yourself and meet me in front of the house; we won't labor you to death today. "You calm down at the smile he gives you before walking away and out of the house. You look at the door for a good minute before returning to your consciousness again.

You gaze at the door again, just hoping that something will change in the meantime. Nothing changes. The bed still looks hideous, and the mol is, in fact, still there. You notice antlers above the door, and you cringe at it. What can you expect? You're in the middle of a wild state, and these people here are the modern cowboys. You chuckle at the thought in your head.

You open your suitcase, unpacking your clothes and putting them on your bed. Your eyes wander around the room until they lay on a wardrobe in the corner of the door. It's old and shabby, like everything in the room. The door squeaks as you open the wardrobe, it's like you have experienced but enough for storing your clothes. You start to wonder about your life as you put your clothes inside. Maybe you have made a wrong decision. Perhaps you don't fit into this kind of lifestyle at all.

Overall, you come from a middle-class family, and the closest you've ever been to a farm was on your middle school field trip. People here seem friendly, but they can smell it off you that you're not their kind. It will also be hard to find a good friend here to talk to about what is giving you problems. The West boys are wild, and it's apparent that you will look like a trophy for all of the boys to win.

You wear a little white dress; it's nothing fancy but feels like the atmosphere here. It flows softly down your legs, making you look angelic and sweet. This place needs a bit of sweetness, after all. You Pace yourself on a little chair next to your window as you start braiding your hair. The sun shines through the curtains, making you squint your eyes at the brightness. There aren't really any trees to hide you from the sunlight, only fields full of crops. You've noticed an orchard on the other side of the farm, which could be your hideaway spot.

You swiftly run out of the door, shutting the door behind you. The corridor is full of hunting trophies people on the far won. You run to the porch, where Jim is waiting for you. You notice more men around the farm. Some of them carry stuff from trucks, while others work around the barn.

"What can we do with you? "Jim says, eying your little dress. You feel a bit nervous with his attention on you. He rolls his eyes, sighing, "You really are a city girl. "

You rub your feet together nervously, this is starting to get really uncomfortable. Other men also notice you even though they are scattered around. You swear you can hear some whistles in the distance, just hoping they aren't directed at you.

"Reiner, "Jim screams at a man carrying a stack of hay from the barn, "I need you to take care of this. "You almost feel aggrieved that he talks about you as this.

"Can't? I working. "The man – Reiner shouts back at him. Your ears notice that his Southern accent is even stronger than Jim's. He must have been risen here. Jim groans next to you, "Get your ass over here. "He shouts. Reiner throws the stack of hay on the ground next to him as he makes an angry walk towards the front of the house. He doesn't even acknowledge you standing right there.

"Watcha want? "he asks Jim almost arrogantly. He's breathing heavily from the hard work, tears of sweat falling down his arms as he's wearing a white wifebeater and a pair of work slacks.

"I need you to get this missy to work: "Jim mentions to you on his right- Finally, Reiner looks you up and down. He doesn't seem interested at all, and his look is almost annoyed. You want to hate this man at first sight, but you can't help but find him attractive.

"Are you mad? "Reiner exclaims, "I can't let this princess carry the hay. "He growls; he's angry at your caretaker. It's not the first time he has had to endure something like that, as Jim has been running this Exchange business for some time. The incompetent people always end up with Reiner, but they don't warm up for too long, as he always kicks them out.

"Listen, "Jim sighs, "I need you to give her some work. Make her toss the damp grass or something. "You feel like an outsider standing between the men while they argue about how incompetent you are. You've heard that southern men are like that, always thinking they can do the job best and never even acknowledging the women. The best example of sexists.

"You know what? "Reiner asks, his eyes roaming around your body once again. It was almost like he was trying to catch something he missed the first time, "Come on. "

You follow him like a lost puppy in the barn. To be honest, the barn is magical, and the smell of hay fills your nostrils along with the smell of petrol. Reiner does not say anything the whole walk there, and you are glad because you are not ready for small talk.

"Right, let me get this straight. This is hay, "he points at the dried grass in the barn. If he thinks I am stupid, you think to yourself, "and this is the sack. Put the hay in the sack. Easy. "

He turns around just as he finishes his sentence, leaving you standing in the barn. Reiner doesn't look behind as he walks to his truck to start putting the stacks of hay in the trunk.

"Hey, that's all? "you yell after him. This man is unbelievable. YOu hate men full of themselves, and this douchebag is the prime example. The worst part is that you don't know what to do with the hay, and he doesn't look willing to explain it to you.

YOu feel entirely stupid. Everyone on this far is treating you like a bimbo. Nobody has even a drop of respect in their body, and you can feel that the times here are gonna be utter hell. Tears try to leave your eyes, and you blink them away. You're not the kind of person to just give up on this whole thing, but all of this is so foreign to you.

You fall into the hay on the ground, resting in its soft embrace as its pointy blades prickle through your dress. It's Reiners fault, after all; he didn't tell you exactly how to do your job, so you're just gonna wait for him until he comes back and explains how to do it. YOu feel your eyelids slowly losing life, and you start drifting to sleep. What's the worst that can happen? He yells at you for not working? He should've told you what to do, and the drive here was long, so you deserve to rest before you start working.

"What the fuck are you doing? "Reiner yells, waking you up from your pleasant slumber. You stretch your arms and legs, not daring to open your eyes just yet, knowing that angry Reiner is standing above you. You feel excitement run through your body. You've never been the type of girl to do bad stuff, but not behaving in a situation like this is making you feel good.

"Get up. "He grips your elbow, making you stand up and finally open your eyes, "Are you my punishment? "his words resonate with the most desperate type of anger. He's gripping your elbows, looking at you as if you were a devil. His gaze falls down to your dress and you follow it, noticing the blades of hay sticking into the fabric. You smirk at the mess it makes on your dress; it looks cute.

"Get your ass to work. I'm not joking here. "You have never seen a man this mad. Fear replaces the excitement in your body. He's not being gentle with you as he shoves a pitchfork in your hands. His body flushes close to yours, his hands grip yours, and he starts to toss the hay with you.

"Is this that hard for you, huh? "he spits out. Your cheeks turn red; the hotness of his body close to yours is intoxicating.

He seems to notice the tension, too, as his body shifts behind yours, but he doesn't let it distract him from teaching you what he wants. Your hands cramp from how hard he is clutching them, making you feel like a puppet in his arms as he navigates your body just like he wants. You're also getting pretty aware of how your skirt is slowly inching upwards as it catches on Reiners's front button. You try to wiggle out of his arms, but he's holding you tight.

"Don't try to get away from me; it's not done until I say so. "Reiner grunts. Your mind feels fuzzy; he's taking this whole situation so seriously that your mind starts to wander to the more lewd side. You know it's just the button of his pants that is rubbing against your backside and making your dress go up, but this position is not innocent at all. Reiner doesn't seem to notice any of this.

"Reiner, "you whine out; you can't stand being humiliated like this; your bottom half is basically bare in front of him, "My dress. "Reiner laughs at your comment, still oblivious.

"If you don't want to ruin your dress, you shouldn't have a sign for this. "He says. Your mind is screaming at all to end all of this. This isn't real. You know Reiner doesn't care less about your dress, but at this moment, you just want him to look down and look at what his pants are doing to your dress. You laugh mentally; you don't want him to look down at the same time because your panties are on display for everyone to see, especially Reiner, as he's the only one with you in the barn. His breathing on your neck doesn't change the situation, as it's slowly turning you on. How can he be so professional while rubbing against you?

The truth is, he isn't at all. He's painfully aware of how his dick is rubbing against your ass. He can't help but be mad at you, mad at Jim, angry at everyone for being such an angel here. But you need to be taught a lesson, too. It's always the sweetest princesses who are so naughty. Reiner thinks you are the most spoiled thing the organization sends here because who would care about a dress while he's trying to teach you a lesson? You must be really a spoiled brat. And why would you even wear such a short dress for work like this? He noticed how the plush of your thighs was visitable as you were standing, and he knew that if he looked down, he could probably catch a glimpse of your ass.

Oh.

"I'm so sorry. "He tears off his body, leaving you with emptiness on your backside. He curses to himself; he was so caught up with teaching you a lesson that he didn't even notice your skirt rolling up. The tension is evident in the air, and it doesn't help but that your eyes are looking right into his. What does she want from me?

You aren't sure what possessed you to say this, but you've been tasting his waters for a second already, and even though you have a lot to lose, you let your words speak for you.

"Maybe you could fuck the attitude out of me. "You say with the most innocent tone. To be honest, you are scared, not knowing how he's going to react to that. Reiner's body is going stiff, and his breathing is hitching in his throat. Of course, you are this type of minx, but he never thought you would say it so openly. Reiner is trying so hard to avoid eye contact with you, looking down at the ground… and down where your skirt hiked up.

The words he wanted to say left his thoughts long ago; on the other hand, he wants you so badly, but on the other, he doesn't want to get on bad terms with Jim. He had many Exchange workers work for him, but he never fucked anyone on Jim's team. But look at you, there's no way you are going to stay on the farm for long, and as much as he tries to deny it, he needs to get laid.

"What's your name? "his voice sounds timid as if he is fighting inside of himself. And that's precisely what he's doing. But if he's gonna fuck you, at least knowing your name would be nice.

„Y/N.“

His lips crash into yours, his tongue rolling into your mouth, not wasting any time. You moan into his mouth, and Reiner answers you with a soft hum. He is so good at kissing, even if you call it kissing. He's hungry for you, for your mouth, and he's not shy to show it.

Your mind is spinning, and you're not sure if it's from surprise or because of how good his mouth feels on yours. He is rough; even his lips are chapped, but they fit so well together with yours and your soft cherry lipgloss.

YOu whine as his mouth leaves yours and moves to your neck. Reiner licks the side of your neck before latching his lips to your pulse point, sucking on it, and leaving a brand new mark. It's gonna be obvious to everyone what you two did. Reiner doesn't care; you're cute, and cute things should be corrupted. He's sure you've done something like this a lot of times; there's no way a little thing like you hasn't been treated like slut before. Look at you; you were basically asking for it.

"Fuck baby, "he groans against your neck, "You smell so good. "He is used to the smell of hay or gas, so this is new to him. YOu smell like cotton candy, and he's eager to eat you up. The difference between you is intoxicating to him; you smell sweet and so innocent and have all sweat and gas, "Baby, can you suck me off? Is that a thing you're good at? "

His comment makes your knees weak, and you would fall on your knees if it wasn't for him to ask you first. You kneel before him as he pets the side of your face. It's such a sweet gesture, but you know he's not gonna be sweet with you. How is it possible for you to look even prettier on your knees?

He grips his belt, unbuckling the loops, almost tearing it off his body, before pushing it down his legs. Your eyes meet his boxers, but you're more interested in the bulge in them. Your hand curls around his clothed cock, stroking it slowly. He's big, exactly how he looks, and you can see it through the fabric; you want him so much. The fabric of his boxers finally inches down, his cock sprinting out of it, hitting you slightly in the face. Reiner laughs at you, "Také it in your mouth; be good for me. "

You place his cock into your mouth, tasting the saltiness on your tongue. Drops of precum are already gathered at the top for you to lick off. YOu focus on his tip, teasing him with his tongue, making him want more of your hot mouth. He's heavy on your tongue, and you could get addicted to him, to his taste. You slowly inch his dick deeper into your mouth, coating the shaft with your saliva, some of the fit even leaking down, drenching his pubes. He seems to like the sigh of fit as he groans, thrusting into your mouth to meet you.

"Messy girl. "He whispers, his voice faint but still audible to your ears, and you smile around his cock. Your tongue focuses on the vein running up front from the base of his cock to the tip. He shudders in your mouth at the contact with the vein, pulsing softly. You can feel that he's close even though he tries to remain collected and calm. Reiners moans get louder and breather when you take him even deeper, forcing him to grip your face, making you take him out of your mouth. You whine at a loss, and he asks at you, showing you how cute you are and making you feel good inside. You blush intensely at the gesture.

"Baby, I really wanna eat this pussy, "he says, gripping your mound through your panties, "but I need to fuck you, or I'm gonna go crazy. "

You moan at that; nobody has ever talked to you like that. You look it. Just the sound of his voice and his accent is driving you crazy, desperate for more. Desperate for him.

Reiner bends you over a larger stack of hay, his finger brushing against the damp cotton of your panties. You're already drenched, and you would lie if you said you weren't drenched since you saw him for the first time. Maybe working here won't be so bad if everyone is as hot as Reiner.

He doesn't dare to take off your panties yet; he's playing with you, tasting the water before he can fuck you, dumb. Your clit flutters every time his fingers graze over the aching bundle of nerves. Finally, he tugs your panties to the side, gathering your wetness on his digits. YOu gasp as his first finger slips past your entrance. His finger is so long, and his rough hand pressed against your pussy isn't making it any less enjoyable for you. You're having a hard time focusing on anything else than Reiner's finger inside of you. It makes you feel so full, and it's only a stupid finger; you drool at the thought of his cock stretching you out.

Soon, another finger joins the first, making you hiss at the stretch, but your eyes roll to your skull at it. Why does it feel so fucking good? Your wetness is making gushy sounds, resonating in the barn, and you should be embarrassed about it, but you don't care at this point. YOu feel too good to focus on anything that's not him.

Your mouth opens to say something, but it shuts when you feel Reiners tip kiss your entrance. He doesn't press in just yet, just teasing you both with the hotness of your pussy.

"You ready, baby? "he asks, kissing your face. You nod, moaning in response.

Reiner presses into you; inch by inch, he guides his aching cock into your waiting pussy. Silent cries leave your mouth as you get used to his size. He's big, and the stretch is undoubtedly here, but the pleasure overtakes the pain. He gives you an apologetic kiss on your hair before pulling out just to slam inside of you again. You scream silently to be silenced by Reiner's hand on your mouth.

"We don't want any of them catching us. "He says, pushing his hips even deeper into you. He's gripping your hips tight, sure to leave marks on them, not that you would care now that he decorated your neck with deep red marks. His cock is hitting deep inside of your body, making out with the soft spot you have inside of you. Reiner feels his muscles tensing with every thrust he makes, and he starts to wonder how much force he can release before he breaks your tiny body.

One of his hands comes down to smack your ass, making you yelp at the unexpected pain running through your body. Your ass jiggles at the hit and Reiner has to slow down; otherwise, he would come right and there. He's always been an ass type of guy, loving how the soft flesh jiggles with every thrust of his hips. He slithers his hand to roll up your dress, feeling the softness of your tits. So perfect, he thinks.

"Good girl, just like that. "He teases you, helping your ass to bounce back against his cock. You are skilled at what you do, but he can still feel uncertain in your moment. Is this thing that inexperienced? Reiner feels his orgasm nearing at the thought, slowing down again to savor the moment, wanting to be in your pussy for a little longer.

The hotness in your body is getting more intense as he pistons his cock against your gummy walls. The stack of hay is soft against your bully as Reiner teases your nipples, twisting and pinching them until they are all red and swollen. The air in the barn is getting heavier with each smack of your hips, lewd sounds filling the old building.

"Are you gonna cum inside? "your question catches Reiner off guard. He didn't thinks about the fact that he's fucking you raw, and it's enough for him to tick him off the edge. Reiner presses his hips to the hilt one more time, the hard thrust knocking the wind out of your lungs, emptying his load inside of your hole. You follow him with a muffled scream, your walls squeezing around his cock, making him hiss at the overestimation. Your body trashes with aftershocks, your abused hole fluttering on his softening dick, almost as if wanting him to fuck you more again.

Reiner softly pulls out, his breath rigid, but he needs to, or he will lose his mind. Your pussy is just too much for him. You don't dare to look at him just yet as you try to catch your breath, and for the spam of your pussy around, nothing to stop.

 He's not sure how to start a conversation, but that's no need for that after he looks at your spent body on the haystack. The reason he fucked you good was to give you a lesson, to teach you how to be a good girl, and he did an excellent job at that.

"Reiner, is Y/N working? "a voice calls out from outside the barn, threatening to come closer to find you messy in the barn. Reiner quickly puts on his pants, trying not to look like sex.

"Yeah, "he calls out, his voice cracking, "she worked herself to the bone. "

@jadeddangel @sweetsformysoul

[yourdearestblogstalker]

Transformers One is such a huge breath of fresh air that it made me realize just how incredibly frustrated I’ve been with this IP.

Cause how are you going to make world building, lore and character SO fucking good and then REFUSES to use them in anything even remotely mainstream?!

Listen, I love Good vs Evil narratives, I actually think we could use some more of them nowadays, but it just DOESN’T WORK with Transformers.

Like, how are you gonna look at Megatron, who was born a slave and lived his early years under the control of a people that, in some iterations, physically disfigured them from birth to make them more manageable. Megatron, who led a rebellion whose aim was (usually) equality. Megatron, who sow that the ones in power didn’t care and decided to never again allow anyone but himself to have power over them. Megatron, who became a heartless warlord so that no one could ever enslave them again. Megatron, who led the decepticons to war for thousands of years because they deserved to live on their home planet and he knew that the autobots will never accept them as equals.

How do you look at all of that and go

[Pure Evil]

I mean, don’t get me wrong, Megatron is by no means a good person, he is a WARLORD. What I’m saying is that shit’s more complicated than just good and evil.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that Optimus Prime is considered THE good guy when he’s literally on the side of the oppressor. Like, he literally knows that the sistem if fucked and still usually waits around for shit to get better on it’s one even though he 100% has the power and influence to change things.

(Once again, I am a fan of transformers, I am just picking and choosing universes and characteristics that best illustrate my point that this characters are morally gray)

And all of that is not even talking about the absolutely INCREDIBLE relationship between the two.

Just that fact that they were so close that even after over 9000 years of war “Brother (by Optimus Prime)” is still somehow third in Megaton’s “Also known as” is interesting enough, but their reasons for being enemies?

Megatron’s “I respect you more than I knew I was capable of. I look at you and I see everything I once thought the world to be. You bring out the child in me I thought was dead and buried. I cannot bring myself to truly hate a race that fostered someone like you. And that is why I have to kill you.” alone.

But next to Optimuses “You have chosen the wrong path. You have caused the death of thousands. You have betrayed me. You need to be stopped. But I can’t bring myself to do it. To be the one to break all that you’ve built. To be the one to seal the quote marks around your message.” is fucking legendary.

This is legitimately one only good reason to have a 9000 year long war.

And the fact that NONE of that has been properly explored should be declared a crime against humanity!

Also, seeing as “present time” Megatron is a sassy bitch, the ending of the movie implies that he had a betrayed gay ruled by hate-read to diva whore pipeline, witch is real as fuck.

[evenmoreofadisaster]

Hi, it's me again, I left a note in my reply, but now I have another question or request<3 Can you tell us a little bit more about Kendrtwollo? Like how did those two meet? What kind of dynamic and relationship do they have? How does it evolve until it becomes romantic? And what is their dynamic or relationship like when it's romantic? How does his family (Especially One) react to their relationship? (Please tell me he becomes jealous and overprotective XD) While we're at it, how does the rest of the family react to One and Usagi's relationship? (I already read the post about how Two reacts, and I love it<3) And anything else you can tell us about Mikey's future daughter? Having said all that, if there are things you can't tell because of spoilers or because it's not fully planned yet and you'll change it in the future, I'll understand, thank you very much for your time<3

Lol, yes! Response is under the cut bc it's a bit long lmao

This is a minor spoiler for s2 chatper 3, but Kendra and Two actually meet off-screen, when Two enrolls in April's school as Donnie. He joins the purple dragons before moving into April's class. By chapter 3, Donnie is no longer associated with the purple dragons and knows Kendra's just as deceiving as One.

I imagine Kendra and Two's relationship is kind of like enemies to lovers, but they never quite reach the lovers stage. They're kind of like in an endless game of cat and mouse, where Kendra gives Two the attention or validation he needs, then uses his tech (either with or without his permission, depending on what her angle is). She plays him. Two knows this, and, depending on how Two is feeling depends on whether or not he lets Kendra get away with it.

I don't think they'd ever be lovey-dovey or have an official relationship, but Kendra genuinely thinks that Two is a genius which is probably why Two goes back to her. I wouldn't say they develop 'feelings' for each other, but I’d more of an unhealthy attachment.

I don't think Raph and Mikey would know the full extent of Two and Kendra's relationship, but they're not big fans of her. She's thrown Two under the bus and has gone under his nose to steal from him, which they don't appreciate. One KNOWS. He knows Kendra is a bad influence-- this is how Two got into vaping-- he knows Kendra is using Two for his tech and he doesn't like it. I don't think there's anything for One to be jealous of-- since this would most likely happen in the time One goes to Japan with Usagi (post movie arc), therefore isn't around often enough to be jealous-- but One does get super overprotective.

My version of Kendra does kickboxing, so she can beat Two in hand-to-hand. Against One, though, she'd die without her tech.

For One and Usagi's relationship, everyone is pretty much chill with Usagi except for Two and Raph (at first). Raph knows that Usagi is unpredictable and dangerous, so he's definitely on the fence when One hangs out with him post s2. When Raph sees how One can handle Usagi going nuts (more info about that here) and how he calms him down, Raph knows that there's nothing to worry about. Usagi frustrates Raph sometimes, but not any more than his brothers do. They get along. This drives Two insane. Mikey, generally, is just happy that One can be happy and himself around Usagi. You can read about Draxum's thoughts here.

Yes! So far, I'm thinking that Mikey's adopted kid will be EMD's version of Renet. Mikey finds her as he travels the world to help people in need. The details are still fuzzy, but the idea rn is that Renet lost both her parents. Her mother was the apprentice of a time lord, who's either exiled or imprisoned. The mother stole the time scepter that is now in Renet's possession. Renet has no idea what it is or why people are after it, until Mikey finds her and helps.

[pedrostylez]

The Gray: Chapter 5

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

rating: 18+ (no minors please)

word count: 5k

chapter warnings etc: NOT CANON JOEL MILLER, swearing, mentions of violence, punching, kicking, blood, anger, SMUT, dirty talk, riding, hella consent, some size kink stuff okayyyy, pet names including Eminem references and nicknames but not to be associated with the appearance of reader. NO USE OF Y/N.

A/N: If you didn't see my personal post, I've had a wild couple months, and finishing this was last on my mind. BUT I want to thank those that have stuck around to read it. I apologize for errors, mistakes, and grammatical issues-I was inspired enough to finish it so let's give some woop-woop for that huh? Anyways, love yall <3

 Be mindful, and control your own reading experience.

Joel doesn’t want to think it was a mistake.

Laying you out on his bed, fucking you and letting you ride him the way you did. It’s not like he can help himself, really. Once he got a taste of what it was like to have you, he couldn’t stop.

From round two of bending you over the couch and eating you out while you whined and called his name, to letting you suck him off in the shower, Joel doesn’t think he can go back to the routine you had before. 

He’s easily distracted by you now. The way you float out of the training room, ready to take on the next file of paperwork to review. The way you blink at him slowly from the bed, silently asking him to join the warm blankets when it gets late. The way your teeth sink into your lip when you want to ask him for something that he’s more than happy to give. 

He wants to give, give, give.

It’s been so long for him. 

But the battery of one of his camera’s goes out during the week and he swears to internally, knowing he has to go fix it. When you ask if you can go with him, he realizes how easy it was to say yes. 

“Just a dead camera, sugar.” He mumbles out, cheeks tightening with a smile when you scoff at him.

“We should stick together, in case anyone recognizes us.” You point out, leaning back on the couch and stretching like a cat in the sun. Your shirt rises, tempting Joel to go for the smooth skin beneath the fabric, but he refrains.

“We could go tonight. I don’t want the system to be down for too long.” He turns back to the screens, eyes hovering over the darkened one before shrugging. “I should probably check my mail too.”

You turn your head, frowning for a moment. “You actually get mail?”

Joel lets out a laugh, turning back to you.“I have to get those care packages of cereal sponsorships from somewhere.” He finds himself sitting down next to you, your legs easily lifting to lay over his lap. His fingers tickle at your calves, your smile the only indication that you notice he’s doing it.

Your eyes close as if you’re exhausted, yawning. “How are you still sponsored by Honey Nut Cheerios if you’re considered a villain?”

His hands tighten around your legs, squeezing at the muscles. “Don’t hate on my hussle.”

You burst out in a laugh, trying to pull your legs away but he holds on tighter, pulling you toward him until you’re able to sit up and straddle his lap. It’s almost instant how you lean into him, lips brushing his and sighing out happily as you grind your center against his own. 

He shouldn’t get used to this, but he wants to. 

Joel’s feet felt heavy on the sidewalk, his hood blocking his peripheral vision and the cover of dusk barely enough for him. 

But you’re under his arm. 

Your hand is wrapped around his waist under the sweatshirt, your own hood pulled up as he directs you. Your breath is fanning over the open zipper, one hand holding a bag of packages from the post office before you peer up at him. “Do you think we look crazy?”

Joel grunts, not giving you an answer as he turns his head to look into the road. The street lights are beginning to turn on, and the people on the streets are heading home. The temperature is dropping, he can feel it through the fabric, and your arm is so warm around him. No one notices or cares about your shared presence, and it sets his mind at ease.

The alleyway is coming up on the right, his body turning toward you, walking you backwards into a wall. You huff out a breath, confusion clear. “Kiss me.” It’s a demand, purely for the disguise he tries to tell himself, but he feels this pull toward you that he just can’t tame. You breath catches, your pupils widening as he leans in, pressing his lips to yours. 

He’s trying to keep control of himself–your hand is snaking up to around the back of his head, keeping his hood in place. Your lips are so soft, and he can’t help but groan when he tries to pull away, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. “We need to go here.” He mumbles into your ear, letting you explore the rest of his body with your hands. “Keep going.”

“I think you just wanted to kiss me.” You tease, turning your head to capture his mouth again, sighing happily. 

He pulls you away from the wall, taking another glance around before pulling you down the dark alleyway into the shadow. His hand is stuck to your back, and Joel is trying to get ahold of himself. 

He unlocks a door in the back of the alley, no lights in sight as he pushes you into the hallway, the door shutting quietly behind you both. Joel feels your breath catch, how you hold it until he squeezes around your hip. “Alright?” He asks gruffly, feeling you nod against his chest. 

You hum in a high pitched tone, breathing in sharply and reaching for his hand and squeezing roughly. “I can’t see.” You squeak.

Joel frowns in the darkness, tilting his head to look down at you. His eyes have adjusted, used to this, his powers kicking in to accommodate, and your eyes are wide and searching around in the shadow for anything. Terrified. 

“Just step forward, sugar.” He says quietly, giving you another squeeze. “Your eyes will adjust.”

His attention is fully on you, steering you in the direction he wants to go, you still blindly trusting him. This thought in the back of his head that you shouldn’t be trusting him, and he shouldn’t trust you goes quiet, keeping a firm grip on you. 

He feels you shake, unable to relax enough for your eyes to take in what little light there is, and he lets his body relax against you. “There is a room at the end of this hallway where I can turn on the lights.” He says quietly, letting you set the pace for how fast you both walk but still directing you. 

You let out a shaky breath, nodding without a word as you continue on. His hand lets go of you, your back stiffening against his front, until a light flickers on and you’re both bathed in the yellowed bulb. 

Joel steps in front of you, a small smile on his face as he looks you over. “Should train you in the dark instead of running.” He comments, hoping to lift your mood. 

When all you do is nod, biting at your lip and looking around, he frowns. 

Here in the light, he can see the wires he’s haphazardly put up, messy but working. His eyes find the backup battery, crouching over to begin opening it. “Just a quick fix.” He grumbles, letting you stand in the center of the room as he works.

Joel notices the way your lips upturn for a moment, pretending that you’re fine as you stare only at him and not behind you. He pulls batteries out of his pocket, hand gliding over the different stations and replacing the old with the new. 

“What happens if one of the wires goes bad?” You ask quietly, eyes trained on his features as he glances in your direction.

“It hasn’t happened yet, but I would replace the wire. It doesn’t go very far, just to a wireless router that lets the visuals come to me virtually instead of the wires being all around town.” He speaks quickly, feeling embarrassed for a moment before he shrugs. “Not too complicated.”

You nod, placing your hands behind your back and taking a step toward him. “Anything I can do?”

Joel is already shaking his head, frowning internally. “No, just…stand guard.” He mumbles, turning his back to you even though everything in him tells him he shouldn’t be trusting you this way. It’s only for a few more minutes.

You’re standing awkwardly a few paces away from Joel still, 30 minutes later. You had offered again to give him help, but he grumbled that he “needed you to stay put.” and you chose to lean against the wall instead. 

Something felt off. 

Joel over the past few days has been either fucking you or observing you. And to be honest with yourself, you prefer it when he’s fucking you because at least then you can both shut off your brains for a moment. 

Now that it’s happened, whatever this is between you, Joel is closing himself back off. You thought you were making progress, showing your interest, your shared goal of getting revenge was opening him up, loosening him so that you could truely work together. 

But now…

Joel suddenly stands, breaking you out of your thoughts as he turns. “All done, let’s go.”

“What took so long?” You question, wincing when he shuts off the lights again, the green and red indications on the battery packs and where the wires connect the only thing you can see until Joel stands in front of you, blocking the light. 

“The old battery leaked, I had to clean it out.” He mumbles, his warm hands landing on your shoulders and you can’t help but jump. He turns you, ignoring your physical reaction and leading you back down the hallway. 

When you feel the cool metal at your fingertips, you breathe a sigh of relief, the latch opening into the night that is somehow just as dark. But the street lights are nearby, and your eyes are more easily adjusting to out here than to in the alleyway. 

The silence between the two of you, Joel arm wrapped stiffly around your shoulder again, your hand clutching the fabric of his sweatshirt as he leads you back the way you came, has you retreating into your mind again. 

Back at the hideout, the bag of his mail being placed gently on the table, you look over to Joel. He’s grabbing at his hair, pulling at the roots of the gray by his ears and looking to the security system. You glance at the screens, taking a double take when you see Marianne in town square, AJ at her side as they walk casually into The Organization headquarters. 

Joel grunts unhappily, turning to look at you. “We have to get this plan moving.”

He’s back to sharing with you, a wave of relief filling you as you sit down on the couch, taking off your sweatshirt. “I agree. They shouldn’t get too comfortable.”

Instead of sitting beside you, he pulls a chair out from the table to sit across from you, leaning forward with his elbow on his knees, scratching at his chin. You bite the inside of your cheek, doing your best to keep your thoughts to yourself, no matter how much you want to jump him right now. 

The ease at which he leans, his biceps straining against even the sweatshirt he still has on, has your eyes trailing over him as he talks. “We have to grab AJ, minimum, tomorrow during his next PR stunt. That’s the only way. We’ve let them do their thing for a few weeks now, letting them get comfortable, but it’s not wise of us to assume that they aren’t preparing as well.”

“Of course.” You cough, eyes looking back up to him after catching your thoughts wandering too far to pay attention. 

His eyes, deep brown crinkle at the sides as he smirks at you, a glimmer of mischief. “Watch it, sugar.”

“I didn’t do anything.” You feign innocence, not bothering to shoot him a smirk of your own when he leans back, his arms crossing over his chest and his chin tilting down to examine you better. 

“Maybe not.” He says quietly, the roughness of his voice making your insides clench. He pushes a foot out, the toe of his boot barely brushing yours. “But you’re thinking of something.”

“Not a thought behind these eyes.” You squeak, crossing your own arms to mirror him. This is what you prefer with him; this banter back and forth that keeps him relaxed around you. When he gets stiff and awkward, as if he’s hiding things from you, makes your own guard come up. 

His tongue peeks out, licking his bottom lip as he taps his foot one, two, three times. “Want to know what I’m thinking?” He asks, leaning back forward and letting his arms release and reach for your knee. Joel doesn’t wait for your response before he continues. “I’m thinking about how you would look right now if you were riding my cock.”

You widen your eyes, almost choking as his fingers sink into the skin on your leg and pull you toward him, as if inviting you right now. “You want me to?”

“If you want.” He says quietly, his gaze glancing down to your shirt, to where his hands are holding your legs. 

You tilt your head, biting your lip and letting your hand land on top of his. “I always want to.” You admit, smiling at him when his eyes come back to meet your own. 

His cheeks slowly fade into a shade of red, shaking his head at you in disbelief before he stands, grabbing your hand to pull you up with him. 

He switches places with you, spinning you around so that he can slowly lower himself on to the couch. His lips trail along the front of your shirt, a path of heat left in his wake. Joel quickly squeezes at your hips before he fully sits down, leaning comfortably with his neck exposed to you. 

Like there are no thoughts in your head, you press one knee down into the cushion by his thigh, pressing your center to his as you sit in his lap. “This is what you wanted?” You ask breathlessly, resting your hands on his shoulders. 

He hums, letting his eyes half close before pressing his lips in to your collarbone. “You’re just so pretty propped up on my lap like this.”

Your heart races under his mouth, closing your eyes and sighing to try and keep it together. “You just want me to do all the work, Joel.”

He chuckles, fingers digging into your hip as an answer before he lets his fingers drift up under your shirt, skating the fabric up over your ribcage. When the shirt comes off and his eyes are trailing over your chest, you can’t help but reach down to his jeans, unbuttoning them as quickly as your fingers allow. 

You almost don’t notice how Joel brings a hand up, squeezing you before pinching a nipple to listen to you hiss. “Let me see you, baby.”

You’re barely able to move his zipper out of the way fast enough, the strain against the fabric making it hard to manuver. He grunts as your fingers wrap around him, pulling him out of his briefs as best as you can to look down at the weeping head. 

You feel your mouth dry, seeing the length of him catching you off guard like it has previously. But he doesn’t allow you to think for much longer about it, shifting your hips forward to let the head of his cock press at your opening for a moment before lifting you just enough to fit himself in. 

You groan in unison, eyes closing in bliss as you attempt to adjust to Joel’s size. He gives you little time, fingers pressing into your hips and torso, urging you to lift yourself on your knees and press yourself into him over and over. 

“Lift that perfect ass up.” He growls, snaking his hand down to the roundness of your ass and squeezing. 

“Let me just–” You moan, the slight lift from his hand before rocking back down on him has you losing focus. “You’re just so–”

“I know.” He coos, his other hand pushing your hair back, hooking around the back of your neck and jaw. Your eyes blink open, leaning into his hand to see how his pupils have blown wide, his mouth open with his own breath. “I know, baby. It’s a lot, huh?”

You furrow your brow at the tone, the light teasing as if he is challenging you. You fall into his trap, lifting yourself slowly to being riding him, picking up the pace as you gain momentum. Your hands support yourself on his shoulders, his head lolling back at the feeling of you squeezing him. 

“That’s it.” He breathes, lifting a hand away from your ass and landing a light smack to the skin. “So fucking good like this, sugar.”

You sink your teeth into your lip, closing your eyes as you feel your end approaching. The way his cock has been brushing against your walls, the press of his fingers into your skin…

“Joel.” You warn, digging your nails into his shoulders. “I-I’m–”

“Go ahead, baby.” He pants, lifting his own hips to meet yours as your rhythm begins to falter. 

When you finish around him, your walls squeezing him to the point that his own moan is choked, you almost fall completely into him. Your vision goes completely white, unable to know which way is up or down, not knowing how long it lasts for.

Joel holds you steady, pumping his hips up from the couch into you for only a few more times before he comes himself. “Fuck–sugar–” He calls faintly, your ears ringing as you rest your forehead against his neck. 

You both sit there for a few moments, catching your breath as you cuddle into his chest before he lifts you with him still inside, standing and carefully walking toward the bedroom. 

“Tomorrow?” You ask breathlessly, referring to AJ’s PR stunt. Your eyes are drooping, heavily closing and reopening with less and less ability to keep them open to focus on him. 

Joel sighs, a new shirt covering you and him, his jeans replaced with pajamas as he’s pulling the blanket up past your shoulders and pressing his lips to your temple. “Y-yeah.” He coughs, laying his head down on the pillow next to you. “I’ll wake you up so we can be in position before they get there.”

“Okay.” You respond, drifting off into a dreamless sleep. 

But Joel doesn’t sleep. 

Instead, he lays next to you until he knows you’ve truly passed out, standing up and grabbing his jeans before shutting the door behind him and heading to his stash of weapons. He’s only given you the information he knows you would have already had if you were still in contact with AJ and Marianne. 

You wouldn’t do that to him. 

But he can’t be too careful. 

There’s this alarm in the back of his brain, telling him that he’s gotten too sloppy with you. That he played right into your hand, got too comfortable because he likes burying his cock into you, likes having you around. 

Likes you. 

But he can’t think about that too much right now; he puts on his gear and straps a few extra weapons to him in case something goes wrong. He can do this alone like he had always planned before, and he will deal with your wrath after. Assuming you would be upset with him and not impressed that he caught on to some ulterior motives you may have. 

Joel swears to himself as he looks at the closed bedroom door, not daring to open it in case it wakes you. 

He knows he will get his revenge, whether you’re with him, or against him. 

The roof of this building is just like the rest, the wind whipping through and slapping him in the face roughly. He squints, doing his best to not react any further and hold himself still, watching as the shadows get darker around him. 

He watches the camera crew, come and go, come and go, and come and go again. Setting up their equipment, being berated by Marianne over the phone, changing out the gear. Joel remains patient, prowling, keeping his eyes on what is in front of him. 

He’s so intently focused, that when the sun begins to set, and the time that AJ and Marianne gets closer and closer, his thoughts wander to you. He had set up his cameras to detect when you left, to alert him, but nothing. He refrains from checking his watch, knowing he may miss what is right in front of him. 

And then suddenly, AJ strides in front of him, just as Joel knew he would scanning the area curiously before turning to the cameras set up but abandoned. 

That worries him, but only long enough for him to think about it before the person he is after is in front of him again. “Am I early?” He calls, turning his body away from Joel’s direction unknowingly.

Joel creeps out, the shadows around him covering him for a second longer before he lets it drop. “AJ, how nice to see you again.” He says gruffly, tilting his head as he watches AJ turn slowly. “Expecting me, I see?”

“Joel…” AJ says with a warning tone, clenching his fists at his sides, tilting his chin down and breathing in deeply. “Why are you here? Where’s our little friend?”

“I figured she would be with you…” Joel trails off, realizing now that he was wrong…of course he was wrong. He’s been too paranoid to know the difference. “I’m not letting you leave this roof alive.”

AJ scoffs. “Like hell, old man.”

Joel doesn’t wait any longer, rushing him and letting his fist connect with the side of AJ’s face. AJ turns, blood spilling from between his teeth at the uanticipated blow before shaking his head back. Joel hears the crack of his bones, and rocks another into AJ’s shoulder before he can send one back. 

AJ sneers at him, spinning and launching himself forward with a powerful kick aimed at Joel’s midsection. Joel dodges, barely getting the toe of the boot to his ribs as he lets his open palm slam into AJ’s nose. 

"Pretty good for an old man!" Joel laughs, following up with a series of quick jabs into AJ’s kidneys from behind. But AJ is able to turn, wrapping his arm around Joel’s neck quickly with his lightning speed before Joel even has a chance, letting his knuckles bruise Joel’s cheek. 

He keeps connecting his fist to Joel’s face, over and over and over again, to the point that Joel suddenly regrets being here alone. This feeling swells inside of him, his arms flailing, trying to catch on to AJ’s sleeves, or on to anything before AJ completely obliterates his face, but he can’t seem to get a grip. 

“Just like always, Miller.” AJ says breathlessly, taking a break long enough to tilt Joel’s face up to get a better look at the blood, at the bruises blooming below the surface. “You always start it, but I will always finish it.”

Joel should have known better than to do this alone. But he just couldn’t help himself. 

Another blow to the face before the ringing in his ears increases, the break from AJ’s fists only temporary while he feels the vibrations of AJ’s laugh. Another punch to his cheek, his hands becoming weak from holding at AJ’s arm, not able to provide air for himself any longer. 

But suddenly, the arm is lifted from his neck and he is able to kneel roughly, coughing into the concrete and supporting himself on his hands. Joel looks up, the ringing subsiding, his heartbeat still loud in his ears to see you, standing above AJ leaning over the side of the roof. 

And it’s not like the movies, with anything said between the two of you, or him pleading for his life. No, Joel watches as you reach down, your foot pressing deeper into AJ’s sternum and wrapping your hands around his head, quickly twisting and snapping his neck. 

Your suit glows around the arms, the strength you used not your own, as you stand there and stare at the life you just took, before releasing your foot and letting AJ’s body fall over the side of the building. 

Joel releases a sigh, breath heaving as he looks at you, turning your body to face him as if he is next. Your eyes are glued to him, blood on your hands, splattered up your wrists from your own punches thrown, and all he can see is fury. “Why did you do that?” He asks, husky and dry on his tongue. 

You stare at him a bit longer, a frown of confusion on your face for a moment before you lift a hand and point at him. “You don’t trust me.” You spit at him. You suit continues to glow, and Joel realizes that you’ve made your suit work off your emotions; your anger.

Joel coughs, closing his eyes from the pain radiating through his face, before the words spill out of his mouth.  “I couldn’t. I had to be sure. I had to do this myself.”

You laugh, shaking your head and looking down to AJ’s still body over the edge of the roof. “Yeah well I finished it.”

At first, Joel doesn’t know what to say. He’s not sure if he should thank you, or if he should be upset with you. He settles on indifferent, sighing heavily. “I know. I’m at peace with that.”

You turn you back to him, shoulders coming up to your ears in defense as if Joel is going to take a step forward and touch you. Part of him wants to–to put a hand on your shoulder, to turn you around, to whisper how thankful he is for you. For saving him. He was literally about to be pummeled to death. 

But he doesn’t, he stays where he is, one knee on the ground and the other supporting his elbow. He begins to stand, grunting and groaning at the feeling before resting on the balls of his feet and staring at you. 

You open your mouth, straightening your back and turning to him again, but this time you’re even more stone cold. No anger, no anything, just looking at him. “I’m not at peace.”

Joel is confused for a moment, eyebrow furrowed as he waits for something else to come out of your mouth. “What do you mean?” He concedes. 

“If you can’t trust me, I can’t trust you.” You say matter-of-fact, looking at his feet before snapping them back up to his face. “I’m done.”

The silence of the night fills the air between you, the distant sound of sirens reach Joel’s ears as he begins to understand what you mean. You can’t trust him, and so you won’t stick around. But that can’t be right, he just got used to you. 

“You can’t be done with me.” He scoffs, shaking his head. 

“I can. I am.” You clear your throat, crossing your arms over your chest in defense. 

“Slim, please,” He caves, suddenly hyperaware that the sirens are getting closer, and they are likely coming here. The overwhelming feeling to fight for you comes over him, and he reaches out for you. 

You try to dodge him, but his fingers graze your wrist. “Don’t fucking touch me, ever again.” You snarl, the cold exterior dropping for a moment and he swears he sees your eyes pool with tears. “You used me this morning, and nothing you say will change that.”

Joel shakes his head. “I know, baby I’m sorry–”

“Stop.” You cut him off, taking a large step away from him. The sirens are ever present, and you begin backing up toward the edge of the roof where AJ was standing. “I’m leaving.” You announce, twisting yourself to get ready to launch and fly off the edge. 

“Will you come back to the hideout?” Joel persists, stepping forward and reaching for your hand. You’re already mad, maybe this won’t help, but he has to try. His fingers graze yours, and you pull away as if burned. 

You shake your head, hissing. “Never. You can’t trust me, I can’t trust you. We’re done Joel, do you hear me?”

Joel lets his hand fall back to his side, the feeling of something warm dripping down the side of his face as he whispers. “Is that what you want?”

You gasp, eyes searching over his face, not expecting him to ask that. He sees you nod your head, the tears back. “Yes.”

Joel nods, stepping back toward the shadows, the sound of yelling filling his ears. “Get out of here.” He nods at you, covering himself in shadow as he launch yourself off the side of the roof. 

When Joel is able to make it back to his hideout, the news on the TV already covering AJ’s death, he roughly sits down on the couch and sighs heavily. He looks to the open bedroom door, the sheets and blankets a mess, and can almost see the panic that you endured as you began to get ready, trying to find where Joel was. 

He almost laughs, the feeling on the side of his face radiating a pain he hasn’t felt before. His eyes flick back to the screens in front of him, Marianne plastered over every single one as she tries to work the PR crisis. 

But Joel doesn’t feel anything about it, about Marianne being on the screen. Instead, Joel stands and clicks a few buttons, his surveillance cameras turning to the rooftop he just came from, rewinding the time to see what exactly happened. 

He watches, emotionless, until you appear on the screen. He commands his security system, a few clicks of triangulation, and now the security system is focused for him. Focused on finding you. 

Joel knows you don’t want to be found; you made that very clear. But…he knows he can’t help himself. 

If he can help protect you, even though you can do it yourself, then he will try. 

[writingtraumaforever]

Uncontrolled Chaos: Chapter 4

Notes: Okay. So this chapter might be more Knuxouge than anything. But it’s background building, okay?! I love those crazy two, and I like to think their dynamic when Knuckles leaves to go have his own adventures after Sonic Frontiers would be a bit conflicting and revolutionary for them. Plus, Rouge is worried about Shadow. They’re besties!

Summary: Rouge tries to get in contact with Sonic.

Chapter Select: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Support my Ao3!

Start:

This was all very stressful. Shadow was on the brink of losing his mind being held there at the GUN HQ. He didn’t trust these people. He didn’t know them, and yet they all seemed to know him far too well. It wouldn’t shock him since GUN has been watching both him and Sonic for years, but they talked as if they knew him on a personal, violating level..

Just how closely had they been watching him??

His ears twitch when he hears footsteps approaching the room they’ve had him resting in, turning his head to watch Rouge come in with a doctor in tow.

“Well, good news and bad news. Good news is the CT scan is showing no signs of head trauma, Agent Shadow,” the doctor smiles as they say this— a dark headed woman with darker skin. She seems nice, but Shadow isn’t going to let his guard down that easy.

“Bad news is we don’t know why the hell you seem to not remember certain things..,” Rouge adds, crossing her arms and leaning against the nearby wall as she looks at Shadow with a pondering expression.

Shadow, ignoring this, goes right back to asking what he’s been asking on repeat the past few hours, “Is Sonic here yet??”

“Sweetie, I told you, Big Blue wouldn’t touch GUN HQ with a ten foot pole,” Rouge frowns, her brow quirked at him, “Why do you need him here?? Has something happened?? You can tell me, Shadow, something is obviously up—“

“I just want to see Sonic..,” Shadow says quietly, his eyes shifting downward towards his gloved fingers twiddling with the blanket laid over him.

Rouge just sighs at this. Shadow seems different. He’s calmer.. She’s shocked he hasn’t lost his rocker and tried to break out of here yet. He doesn’t typically accept help so easily, let alone under the guise that he’s waiting for Sonic of all people to show up.

Rouge looks at the doctor and nods to dismiss them, the doctor nodding in return before excusing themself out the door to give them some privacy.

Rouge looks back to Shadow with pursed lips, chewing on the inside of her lower one in thought before giving with a little groan,

“I’ll call in a favor with Knuckles.. he owes me for keeping an eye on the Emerald when he disappeared to those weird islands. Maybe he can get ahold of Sonic..”

Shadow looks at Rouge a moment as if a bit thrown off by her words before he nods and, “Thank you..”

Rouge hums at that, pulling her phone out with a, “No problem, doll,” and little smirk before she walks out of the medical room to dial Knuckles’ number.

Holding the phone to her ear, she paces down the hall with a little frown and groaned, “He so owes me for calling this little—“

Call declined.

Rouge gasps, staring at her phone with disbelief a moment and then growling at the absolute audacity of that shithead.

She tries again.

Call declined.

Huffing, she texts him instead.

‘Pick up you Knucklehead! This is an emergency.’

She waits.

Sees it’s read.

The three bubbles popping up to show he’s typing. She rolls her eyes.

‘This the same kind of emergency as last time??’

She types back quickly with her thumbs nearly breaking her screen with how annoyed she is,

‘You wish it was~’

She waits.

Read.

Then her phone starts vibrating, Knuckles’ image popping up. It’s a picture of him laying in front of the Master Emerald, so if anyone asks, she’d say she just has it to look at the emerald itself.

Holding the phone back to her ear, she huffs,

“Took you long enough..”

“I’m sort of in the middle of something, Rouge..,” Knuckles says with a slightly apologetic tone, but Rouge doesn’t give a damn.

“Yes, yes, your grand solo adventure that’s too good for me to tag along on. I know.”

“Hey! You said you had work to think about and—“

“Not now!” Rouge interrupts, not wanting to have this conversation again, “I’ve got a problem.”

There’s a long pause.

Then Knuckles voice comes a bit quieter, “Are.. you okay??”

Rouge can’t help the slight smile that curls on her lips at that. He worries about her..

“I’m fine, Knuckie,” she coos, hearing a slight sigh of relief from Knuckles’ end.

“Then what’s the problem?? I’m low on signal out here, and I probably won’t be able to reach you much longer—“

“Shadow is needing Sonic.”

Another long pause.

“…Huh??”

“I know,” Rouge sighs, rolling her eyes and leaning against a nearby wall.

“Why does he need Sonic???“

“I don’t know,” she groans a bit, impatient with this whole situation, “He won’t talk to me..”

“Well that’s weird.. you’re the only person he does talk to. Outside that crazy robot—“

“Omega.”

“Right. Whatever. Either way, it’s weird.”

“That’s not it, Knuckles, he’s—… he’s different.”

“Different?? Like how??”

“He’s calmer. I mean— Shadow is relatively calm with Omega and I aside from his usual grumpy, gruff ways. But this is different. He’s been pretty chill with everyone here, but his eyes almost look scared. Like he’s hesitant to make a move or is just lost altogether..”

“Shadow doesn’t get scared..”

“I know. And that’s not it..,” she sighs and readjusts her phone, mumbling a bit quieter as to not be heard, “When he looks at me-… when he looks at me, it’s like he doesn’t even know me.“

“What do you mean??” Knuckles asks with a frown in his voice, Rouge hearing the crunching sound of gravel beneath his footsteps stopping on the other end of the phone.

“I mean he doesn’t trust me. It’s like I’m back to square one with him, but worse because I have no idea how to handle this new, vulnerable version of him..,” Rouge hugs herself a bit. She’s more concerned than she lets on.. “He’s really worrying me, Knuckles..”

Knuckles takes a deep breath and sighs it out on the other end, Rouge chewing on her lower lip as she listens.

“…Do I need to come back??”

“No!” Rouge answers immediately, brows knitting as she stands up a bit straighter.

“I’ve been debating on it anyway. It wouldn’t be a big—“

“No, Knuckles,” she insists, her voice softening uncharacteristically to show she’s sincere, “…You need this. Even if I can’t be there for it.”

Knuckles is quiet a long moment before he eventually hums and then, “Okay.. Then what do I need to do?”

“I just need a way to contact Sonic,” she says simply, rubbing her hand back through her hair with a tired sigh, “Heard from him lately??”

“Not since I left those islands,” Knuckles frowns, voice a bit gruff with annoyance at not being a better help. Then she hears him snap his fingers and, “But Amy did. She went and saw him before she took off on her girls trip with Sticks and Cream.”

Rouge huffs at that, grumbling quietly, “Everyone is taking off on trips without me, I see..”

Knuckles chuckles at that, “Well, you don’t exactly giving off inviting vibes, bat.”

“Whatever, you blockhead!” Rouge snaps, huffing with a scowl as she listens to Knuckles laugh more on the other end, “At least my best friend isn’t a rock!”

“Hey! I’ve got friends!” Knuckles snaps back, his laughter stopping.

“Yeah, yeah, and they like you enough to watch you run off on your own instead of going with ya!”

“They had their own journeys to take! And I needed the solitude after having you up my ass all the time!”

“You mean that literally or metaphorically~?” Rouge teases with a grin, knowing that’ll get to him.

She hears the familiar sound of Knuckles stumbling angrily over his words, knowing good and well his face is as red as his quills in both embarrassment and anger in that moment.

“METAPHORICALLY YOU DUMB BAT!!”

Rouge hums out a chuckle, shrugging with a, “Just checkin’..”

Knuckles growls a moment before it goes quiet between the two again..

She’s missed this..

She’s missed him.

Her smile softens from that knowing little shit-eating smile to something a bit sadder and longing, her head pressing to the wall beside her as she hugs herself a bit tighter, “..I should go.”

Knuckles is quiet a moment before he sighs and, “Yeah, me too..”

“..You stay safe, understand??”

“I can take care of myself. Don’t worry.”

“I know you can,” Rouge sighs with a small roll of her eyes, “…Just-.. stay safe.”

Another pause. Rouge can hear his smile when he speaks, though.

“I will.. you too. Keep me updated on the Shadow situation.”

“I will.”

“…I’ll talk to you again soon.”

“Answer my damn calls,” Rouge scolds before smirking and, “Bye, Knuckie~.”

She hears him grumbling again all flustered before she hangs up her phone and closes her eyes a moment. She's grown more attached to him than she’d care to admit,.. and him going away like this has just made that more obvious to her. Taking a deep breath, she sighs it out and look back to her phone.

Calling Amy Rose..

“Rouge!! It’s been so long!!”

“Hey kiddo, I need some info..”