#getting high is like the same as sleeping all day as much as possible re: coping w mental health ur just turning your brain off

[maretriarch]

im kind of a mom against weed i dont think its good for your mental health i think thats a big cope. getting so high you're dissociating through and emotionally numbing yourself isn't treating your mental illness, its abusing drugs. nobody says this about alcohol curing their depression even though it's used in the same way to cope and has (overall ) the same negative effects

[sttoru]

♯ 𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊.

⟣ sypnosis. kento has been extremely busy lately, going on business trips and so forth. he decides to surprise you by coming back earlier than expected. that’s how you end up finding your lover on top of you, showering you in his affection at 3 in the morning.

⟣ tags. nanami kento x female reader. fluff, bit of angst, suggestive towards the end. reader gets called 'sweetheart, angel, dear' wc: 1.8k

⟣ note. okayokay finally an adition to my event heheh ive almost forgotten about it but then i saw this prompt & was like . ok nanami , i must write this rnnn no delaying anymore so here i am :3 its also very bad. i hate it sm LOL i hope u at least like it t_t

kento often asks himself why he had returned to the world he despised — the jujutsu society; his old high school. the sprawling curses everywhere are the main cause of his current misery.

he had been sent out on missions left and right, not catching a break in hopes of reducing any more civilian causalities than necessary. kento had even thought that maybe his previous 9-5 job wasn’t as bad as he had considered it.

overtime was every day for the sorcerer now. that wasn’t the worst thing - no - the fact that he was pratically living a long distant relationship with his beloved irritated him most.

a thought he had in his high school days reoccured in a moment of distress: ‘why not leave all those missions to gojo?’

you were still pretty understanding of his situation. kento appreciated that, though the guilt still ate away at him whenever he tried to sleep. an empty bed welcomed him each time he re-entered his hotel room — you saw the exact same scenery when returning home to your shared apartment.

both of you were adults; both knowing that life was unfair. the two of you being unable to see each other from time to time was a part of your life. kento and you still maintained a healthy relationship. that was all that really mattered in the end.

11:49PM. . . tonight wasn’t unlike any other night; you were preparing yourself to go to bed—changing into your pyjamas after showering, snuggling to a pillow under the covers and texting your lover one last message.

‘good luck on your mission as always! stay safe, i love you.’

you stare at your phone screen for a minute longer than intended. even if you tried to be mature about it — you longed for kento’s warmth and undivided attention. you want him with you, his strong arms holding you to his chest as you rest, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine in the best way possible.

you sigh defeatedly and put your phone down on your nightstand. just two days until you could see your partner again. you can hold onto that hope to keep you calm.

despite you trying to stay positive, you tossed and turned in your bed as you thought about kento’s safety. there was always a chance of him not coming home to you — always the possibility of that bed to be empty for the rest of your life.

all you could do was pray for his safety in your head whilst your eyes eventually closed from fatigue, your mind drifting off to a deep slumber.

03:14AM. . . kento opens the door he had wished to have opened way earlier. the door that lead to the place where his heart lays; the person who claimed his heart and soul for eternity. you.

he didn’t think he’d actually do it. kento had originally planned to finish his last job as soon as possible and then get home afterwards, but there seemed to be a change in routine.

the special grade sorcerer simply assigned the mission to ino — the person whom he could trust most to finish the job in one piece. as much as kento dislikes to put his juniors in possible risky situations, there are also situations where it’s fine to depend on them. besides, the mission could easily be done by a grade one sorcerer.

kento sighs. the familiar scent of your home was one he could recognise from miles away. one that could calm his nerves instantly. it was that same distinctive scent you carry; thus why your lover sometimes calls you his home.

���i can’t wait to be home’ ‘i want to be home’ ‘i’m going home’ — all these sentences, which kento has uttered before in earlier conversations, weren’t referring to a place. rather to a person he held dear.

“oh, my sweetheart.” the blonde man whispers under his breath as his eyes catch the shape of your figure under the blankets. he quietly enters the master bedroom and closes the door behind him, not making a sound as to not interrupt your well-deserved sleep.

kento slowly undoes his dotted tie, along with the upper buttons of his blouse. he probably needs to go take a good shower before he could settle down with you — but that’d risk waking you up.

you look extremely angelic in his eyes. especially with your left cheek squished by the soft pillow your head rests on. you never once fail to convince him that you are indeed the woman of his dreams; the woman kento ever had and will have eyes for. it’s like you get more attractive to him as the days go on.

“mh,” your sudden and soft groan makes him realise just how disturbing his behaviour could be interpreted as. kento’s body was hovering over your sleeping one and he was just. . . staring at you with a soft smile. a smile which he didn’t even notice had permanently found its place on his weary face.

kento sits down on the edge of the mattress, callused hand gently tucking you in properly, putting the blanket over your shoulders to make sure you didn’t get cold. he can’t rest if you’re not comfortable— even if he himself was exhausted to the point his eyes were starting to feel heavy.

yet that exhaustion doesn’t last long. it never does when kento’s able to see you again after a tiring week of countless missions and other jobs. your presence alone grants him the energy to stay awake and take care of you. and himself. you’re the reason he keeps it going.

“i love you so much, my beautiful girl — my angel.”

kento sure was a romantic. even when you’re unaware and asleep.

he couldn’t help it; the feeling stirring inside of him. the feeling of adoration and love for you. you are simply resting, yet kento felt an urge to kiss you all over, show you the unending love he has for you. but. . that’d probably be disturbing your peace. you are sleeping after all. he

not that that would stop kento.

your eyes flutter open due to a sudden presence hovering over you. your entire face and neck area was feeling ticklish, like someone was placing tens of kisses all over the skin.

strands of blonde hair is the first thing showing up in your blurry vision. kento’s face follows afterwards as his head tilts back up, the warmth against your jawline disappearing along with it —

“ah, i’m sorry.” a low and almost guilty chuckle tumbles out of his sore throat. the visible confusion on your face makes him let out another, “shh, shh, it’s just me, sweetheart.”

your arms flew around kento’s torso the second the realisation dawns upon you. your heart went from a slow pace to one that caused your entire body to warm up immediately; the adorable reaction and increase in heart rate not going unnoticed by your lover.

you wordlessly hug him — almost still in shock by the sudden appearance. kento doesn’t fight off your tight embrace, instead, welcomes it with open arms. the delicate kisses on your skin continue, each being placed with precision whilst one of his hands keeps your head tilted a little — rough fingers being a contrast of the gentle grip they had on your jaw.

“i missed you lots,” kento murmurs, eyes closed as he basks in the warmth of your body, his lips refusing to let go of your neck, “i couldn’t wait anymore. i couldn’t be separated from you any longer or i’d lose it.”

his gruff voice sounded even deeper than it usually would. maybe due to the overuse of it during his missions. the lone thought makes you pout — the thought of kento working super hard just to provide for you both.

“i missed you more, love.” you mumble, bottom lip trembling a little as kento’s hug triggers a whole lot of emotions in you. his hugs were special, his muscular arms giving you a sense of comfort you couldn’t find anywhere. no one could hug you like he did, “you did well. you did so well.”

those were all the words kento needed. his lips come to halt right above your collarbone, his breath a bit heavy from how much he's holding himself back from doing more. one hand moves from your cheek to your waist, fingers toying with the fabric of your shirt.

“thank you, dear.” kento says. his words carrying a load of unending affection. your simple words of appreciation and encouragement makes him shiver in delight. this is what he longed for; this is what he did it all for.

it was clear. the answer to his question - of why he had returned to the jujutsu world, to become a teacher at his former high school - it was all for you. to be able to be with you, see you and hold you like this. to have someone like you appreciate all of his efforts.

“may i?” kento asks through a quiet whisper as he gently removes the blanket covering your figure, his eyes darting down towards your cleavage. he's asking for permission to cross that barrier — to cover you in the love you deserve.

you just stare at the blonde man above you for a second. you watch as he climbs onto the bed with you; the bed which was once empty and dull, now suddenly becoming your favourite place to be at. your fingertips graze against kento's sharp cheekbones. a habit you always did when you were appreciating his looks.

“go right ahead.” you answer with a confirming nod.

both of you were touch starved and had been deprived from each other's embrace for way too long. now was the perfect time to make up for all the time lost.

kento wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip past him. he smiles at you, a gentle and handsome smile, whilst a few of his blonde locks fall over his left eye — his hands already prying away the blanket covering your shape. it was time to show you just how much he has longed for you.

“hold on to me, sweetheart. i’m not stopping until you realise just how much i’ve missed all of you.”

[hannieehaee]

Hi, please do a continuation of your idol mingyu fics🥺 I really love me a nsfw idol mingyu fic so if you could continue it im gladly waiting for it!!

18+ / mdi

content: idol!mingyu x idol!reader, established relationship, secret relationship, simp!mingyu, afab reader, smut, oral (f receiving), etc.

wc: 2013

original fic

a/n: thank u for requesting idol!gyu i love him so bad <33

masterlist

handling a brand new relationship was already hard enough on its own. now add the extra stress of having to keep it a secret from the entire world, and then you have mingyu's current situation.

he had waited years to finally confess, never really expecting that the day where he could have you would ever come. and now that he had you, he was slightly frustrated at how little of you he could actually have.

not only did the two of you have constant conflicting schedules, but you also had to keep things as discreet as possible due to the nature of relationships within your industry (and maybe also due to mingyu's many exes being spread all throughout the industry).

mingyu tried not to be too annoyed by how little of you he got to keep to himself these past few weeks, with your schedules conflicting far too much for his liking. whenever he was off work, you just so happened to have a last-minute appearance at some fashion event in another country. in any occasion in which you were finally off idol duties, he suddenly had yet another shoot for a company he was the new ambassador of. there was just no way for the two of you to be in the same place for longer than an hour before one of you was called away to some over-complicated schedule.

and though mingyu really really did his best to not let this affect his mood, the inevitable eventually happened, and he finally snapped.

okay, he did not snap per say, but the drastic change in his mood was easily noticed by not only his members, but even staff.

throughout the past week, he had been the talk of the town (re: hybe) due to his unusual behavior. the usually high-spirited and highly energized mingyu everyone knew and loved had been overcome by a shell of his former; a grumpy and lazy giant who would grumble in response to any and every inquiry and would give his bare minimum during group activities (though never in front of carats – he could not help but always be a sweetheart to his carats).

for the past six days or so, mingyu had not been in contact with you. the most he could get were a few texts throughout the day due to both your groups having a comeback at practically the same time. he had not heard your voice or seen your face. not only were you promoting in america (giving you a sixteen hour time difference from korea), but you were also running on about four hours of sleep since your departure. in the meantime, mingyu was preparing for his own group's promotions, knowing that by the time you got back, seventeen would also leave the country and you would find yourself in the same situation.

the thought of yet another week with zero communication made mingyu lose his mind even further, causing him to be even more snappy as the days went by. one week became two, and you were finally due to come back, something that would've usually elated mingyu, except that his departure was scheduled just a few hours after your arrival.

today had been the worst day of all for his members, who had had to deal with mingyu's sour mood these past two weeks (and occasionally deal with his cries due to missing your presence). but enough was enough. not only was mingyu inadvertently messing with the synergy of the group, but a few members also felt bad for the pathetic mess mingyu had become due to your incidental separation. it was time to take matters into their own hands.

~

mingyu had never loved his members more than he did at this current moment.

sure, they'd been with him through thick and thin; since the beginning of his career up to the moment where they finally made it to the top. but none of those moments compared to the makeshift 'intervention' they had prepared for him just one day prior to your arrival (and consequent break from comeback activities).

he had been annoyed by it at first, assuming they were just going to grill him due to his lack of effort these past few weeks, but he was surprised to find that they had spoken to the company on his behalf. before he could protest about what he assumed to be some sort of punishment for his unusual behavior, he was informed by an easily-excitable soonyoung that they had convinced the company to allow him to stay in korea for an extra week before joining the rest of the members in overseas promotions. they had come up with a fake statement – something about conflicting schedules with one of the brands he was meant to promote for – in order to give justification to the public as to why he'd be staying behind. they comforted him and told him they understood his frustrations and knew what a hard worker he was, that they simply wanted to give him a few days to recover with you.

mingyu could've cried – and he did. he was beyond elated. he apologized profusely for becoming a weight to his members, getting on his knees to thank them for doing him such a solid, promising he would come back better than ever and that he would work as hard as he could to make up for the past two weeks. he was met with reassurance from his members and a few lighthearted curses due to jealousy of his free time with his girlfriend.

he spent the rest of the day with a reinstated good-mood and the most energy his members had seen from him in weeks.

~

as mingyu came to find out a few hours later, you were blissfully unaware of the sudden change of plans, still believing that he'd be out of the country by the time you got back home.

mingyu fell in love with you all over again the moment you gasped in shock and immediately ran into his arms as you found him waiting for you in your apartment, wrapping his arms around you with the warmest embrace he could muster, lifting you so that you could wrap yourself around him.

"gyu! what are you doing here?", you inquired excitedly as you pulled away.

mingyu didn't let go of you as he responded, "hybe gave me the week off. i get to stay with you til monday. surprised?", he grinned.

"a week?! oh my god! fuck, i've missed you so much," you went back to burying your face in his neck, drinking in the embrace.

"missed you more, beautiful. can't believe i finally get you all to myself again," he put you down slowly so that he could grab onto your hands, bringing them up to his lips so that he could kiss them over and over as you giggled at his antics, "i have so many things planned for the two of us."

"yeah?", you moved closer to him, placing your hands on his shoulders, "like what?", you flirted.

"gonna do everything ive been holding back on ..." he breathed out as he lowered his face down to yours.

"wanna show me?"

"yeah, angel, i'll show you ..."

those were the last words spoken before he took over your senses with a heady kiss, kissing you with so much strength that he physically pushed you back a few steps. his control was lost pretty quickly into the kiss, his senses weakened by the feeling of your body so close to his own.

wordlessly, he guided you in direction to your room, not allowing for your lips to disconnect for even a second as he laid you down on the bed and hovered over you. even as you began to lose your breath to the kiss, mingyu would only allow for your lips to disconnect for a few seconds at a time, taking a single breath before going back to licking into your mouth.

his hands had a mind of their own as they felt every inch of skin they could find, simply ridding themselves of any obstacles by removing your clothing as he unlocked new skin for his hands to touch.

"fuck ... did you get prettier, angel?", he finally disconnected your lips, though not without groaning at the way in which your lips chased after his despite your lack of breath, admiring the almost fully nude body under his own.

remaining fully clothed, mingyu could not feel your skin against his own, a circumstance that frustrated him too much to not solve it immediately. without a second thought, he ripped off his clothes and leaned down to kiss at your neck as his hands took care of the remnants of your clothing.

"hmm, angel? get prettier in my absence? were you keeping all this beauty safe and sound for me?", he was as soft in his words as he was with his movements, caressing the skin of your breasts as he removed your bra.

"gyu ... do something. please," you whined as he traced your nipple and kissed at your neck.

"what do you want, angel? cause i have a few ideas of my own."

"anything, just ..."

"anything? can i have that pretty cunt, then?", he breathed, his lips now against your ear.

"y-yeah, fuck. please."

within seconds he had made his way to the ground, kneeling before you as he buried his face between your thighs and went to town. his lips had already traced every inch leading down to your cunt, fully prepared to bring you to your first orgasm of the night with those same plump lips.

"so fucking good ..." he purred against your cunt, "grind it against my tongue, yeah, baby? wanna feel you gush on my tongue," his words were slurred, refusing to disconnect his lips from your cunt for even one second.

"g-gyu? i'm ... i, fuck ... gonna cum. need to cum. please ...", you whined, fully delirious from the feeling of his tongue.

"do it, angel. gonna lick it all up n give it back to you. been dreaming of you gushing all over my face," he breathed just a few moments before granting his own wish by leading you to your high.

you whined and cried as he continued to lick and suck at you throughout your orgasm, pulling at his hair and grinding against him simultaneously as your body fought against the sensitivity of your cunt while he refused to halt his attack on you.

after your high finally dissipated, mingyu made his way back up your body, once again kissing a trail through the entirety of it until reaching your lips.

he groaned against you as you gave him a kiss so nasty it had his eyes rolling back. he licked your taste right onto your own tongue, sucking it back as your tongues danced with one another. his cock was beyond hard by now, making him grind against your sensitive cunt as the two of you made out.

he reluctantly pulled away before he could get too carried away again.

"i really did miss you so much," he whispered against your lips.

"i missed you too, gyu."

"no, but i genuinely felt like i was going insane," he continued, "i didnt know i could miss anyone this much."

you cupped his cheek as you reciprocated the sentiment.

"now that i finally have you, being away from you at all is torture," he confessed, chuckling at how dramatic yet serious he sounded.

"i love you, gyu," you concluded, "i'm so happy i get to have you a whole week. i .. i'll make it so we can be together more often. i don't know how, but we can do this. right?"

he smiled and pecked you once, "yeah. not letting anything keep me away from you. i love you."

the soft moment was eventually interrupted by even more unseemly activities between your sheets. and the week was filled with constant love shared between the two of you as you finally reunited, fully determined to make this a frequent occurrence.

[andsoigotabutterfly]

Nothing else matters...

Scream fanfiction

word count: 4,9k

warnings: blood, canon typical violence, death, graphic scenes, death of a main character, Scream 6 spoilers, not greatly written madness arc, spoilers for all the Screams, madness, angst, loss, sorrow and anguish, not native english speaker writing, mad!Sam

Summary: You leave Woodsboro with your girlfriend and friends, just for your past to chase after. Sam is dancing on the edge of despair.

a.n.: Been working on this for a little while. The base idea was mine, but @chefboiblobbies helped a lot with giving me inspiration, and being the most wholesome human one could wish for while writing. Thanks a lot!

a.n.2.: This was NOT planned to be this angsty when I started writing. Still, love that it turned out this way. Lil' "fluff" at the end! Also I'm not a native english person, don't stone me for writing something badly please.

Pairing(s): Tara Carpenter x fem!Reader

---------------------------------------------------

When Tara met you in Woodsboro high school, she never expected to fall for you. Yet she did. Hard. It didn’t require much time for you to ask her out too. Love was in the air, and it was as if you were meant together. You carried her books for her, got overprotective when Wes showed up and chased away her bullies more than once. Mindy made sure to let you know how cute you two looked which always resulted in Tara hiding in your neck, red from embarrassment.

Then she got attacked. You never left the hospital neither her side, not once. When Ghostface came for her, you stood beside her and got carved up. Again. For this happened to you before. Everybody in Woodsboro knew this. You were one of the survivors of the last attacks, when your sister and Charlie Walker decided to follow the tradition of the town. When the big reveal happened, Jill stabbed you and left you to die. The events still haunt you in your dreams.

After what happened then, you were offered to move in with Kirby, and you gladly accepted. She made sure to be the sister that you lost and helped you in any way possible. You were often visited by Gale and Sydney too, to make sure everything is okay. Everything was certainly not okay, but you managed just fine. You started high school two years after Kirby finished it.

Tara and you met on her first year at Woodsboro high. She was so lost it was almost written on her face, so you offered to help which she gladly accepted. After that you took her around school, showed her around. You quickly became friends, and you joined her friend circle as well. Until then, you were more like a lonely island with walls raised so high, the sun couldn't be seen at the top. The moment you two started getting along, these walls crumbled down like they were made of cards that got blown at.

You were so scared for her when you got the news from the police about the attack. You rushed to the hospital and barged in her room, not caring about the angry voices behind you. She was sleeping peacefully, her heartbeat monitors beeping at a steady state. You held her hand until she waked, high from all the painkillers she got. She was even cuter now. Cute, beautiful, and fragile. You wanted nothing more than to protect her. You got the chance to do that, not long after.

When Ghostface came after her, Dewey managed to shoot the killer three times with your help. You got stabbed the same amount beforehand, trying to protect Tara from the deadly blade. Then the late sheriff made the mistake of confronting the killer alone.

The shared trauma bonded you two even more. There wasn’t a night that you spent apart after the events cuddling and sleeping together, fearing to ever lose to other. When on Sam's decision they moved to New York, you followed suit, making sure to live close to them. Late night calls from Tara were often. Her nightmares always making her shiver and tremble until she was in your arms.

One day you were cuddling together in her bed, watching a movie. You were both relaxed, leaving the memories behind. You thought it was in the past now. You thought you would be able to move on, continue with your life. You were wrong.

---------------------------------------------------

After the grocery store, Sam didn't know who to trust. The movement of Ghostface was familiar. Her father's voice inside her head told her it was someone she loved. She ignored him.

She was dazed while Bailey questioned them. Didn't know where to look, what to do. She told him her alibi, then stayed in dead silence, half-listening to what you and Tara were saying.

When Bailey left and you two started to follow suit, she also joined. Her mind was still hazy and full of rage. She didn't know what to do with it. It was as if it were bottled up in her, but she couldn't take of the cap.

"Kirby!" She heard you exclaim in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Hello Y/N" she said before also acknowledging the other two women in the hallway.

"You know each other?" Bailey asked.

"Yes. Sam was a junior in Woodsboro high when I was a senior. With Y/N, we've known each other since..." Kirby stopped clearing her throat and looking at you. "Well, since 2011" she finished.

"She and her family looked out for me after my sister decided to end ours... I can't be more thankful for that" you said as you walked up to hug her tightly. She didn't protest and hugged you back.

"I've missed you" she sighed.

"Me too" you said, poking your chin into her neck. "But you haven't answered my question. What are you doing here?"

"I would really like to know that too" Bailey said, inching a little closer.

"I take special interest in Ghostface cases" Kirby started. "Last year I wasn't allowed to do my job for being too green, but now I got clearance. I'll help with your investigation detective."

When you walked back to the Carpenters Sam asked you; "How much do you trust her?"

You looked back, disbelief flooding your face. "With my heart and soul. She would never hurt me in any way shape or form." You answered when you realised, she was really awaiting an answer.

"Good."

---------------------------------------------------

The events unfolded way quicker than Sam would have liked it. Anika and Quinn were dead, killed by Ghostface in her apartment. Bailey has crumbled to pieces. Tara and you were glued together, Mindy was furious and exhausted. To make matters worse for Sam, Gale showed up again offering her help. She enjoyed the reporter's presence but she was high up on the suspect list.

Gale was nice with you as always, making sure you were okay or at least healthy. Of course you were not okay, your best friend, Quinn died. How does someone deal with that?

The reporter leaded the group to a cinema, where Sam tensed. Memories flashed through her mind that weren't hers. To add to the plate, her father was back again, whispering and influencing her in ways that seemed more and more acceptable.

Objects of the late Ghostface killings were displayed. The television, that ended Stu Macher, the blade your sister had used, even blueprints and drawings of the original house. Everything was here.

You had episodes too. Memories of that fateful night at Kirby's old house. Your sister's face as she grinned at you raised her hand and... You cut it out. Turned around and didn't look back until you left the stage to comfort your shaken girlfriend.

---------------------------------------------------

After the attack on Gale both you and Sam were on your heels. You both wanted revenge and with Tara’s idea, a plan was formed. It wasn’t that complicated; the only thing for you to do was to stay vigilant the whole time. The grid hallway would trap anyone who would come inside after you and then Kirby would shoot them. No compromise, no jail, and no police. With Mindy and Ethan being cut of from the team, you started without them. Kirby locked the shaft and held onto the gun. Sam protested but the agent wouldn’t hear any of it.

Kirby decided to sweep the are one more time, before getting comfortable. Tara and Chad went to the bar of the cinema, to try and find something edible. Sam, drawn by an invisible force went upstage to the mannequins. You followed her, trying hard not to look at that robe.

Sam kept walking towards the middle figure. Step by step she got closer, the air around her suddenly becoming suffocating. Her heartbeat was out the roof once she pressed her fingers lightly on the glass door. Then she saw his face, reflecting at her. Wide warm smile on his face as if he was welcoming her home. Maybe he was.

“All hail Sam Loomis!” he said “You know there’s only one way this will end for good. With you, finishing my job.”

“Shut up” she mumbled effortlessly.

“Sammy, Sammy, Sammy… You just don’t learn, do you?” he asked. “Pick up my legacy and finish the job.”

“Please…”

“He isn’t wrong you know” this was a new voice. A woman’s voice coming from behind her. Sam turned around and saw herself, just older. No, this wasn’t her. This was… “When I tried to get revenge for my pretty boy, they killed me and made a movie out of it!” Nancy’s voice was low, full of hatred. “But you! You still have the chance to avenge our family!”

“N-“ Sam started but was cut of again by yet another new voice.

“They don’t deserve to live!” her voice sounded familiar. Sam turned right, to see who’s speaking and found you. No, this wasn’t you either. “They all cheated death. What makes them think they can escape his cold, white grasp?”

“That’s the catch!” Billy spoke again and chuckled. “No one can! No matter if they die sooner, so this may not happen again and let others live for more! It doesn’t mean a thing. Why protect them then?”

“There really is no point babe!” now, Sam knew who this was coming from. It haunted her in her dreams and made her days miserable as well. “Why wouldn’t you hunt down and slice up those, who have wronged you? Just think about all the slicing you could do. It felt good to slice me up, didn’t it?"

Yes.

“Imagine how good it would feel to kill your haters.” Amber spoke from beside Richie. “Oh! What a gran finale that would be!”

“You would be a star!” Charlie appeared. “Loved by everyone!”

No. Feared!

“Feared would be even better wouldn’t it Sammy?” Billy spoke as if he heard her thoughts. Maybe he did. Maybe he was right.

“We all know failure, there is no denying it” Roman said. “You could beat everyone of us! The one that got away. The one that finished the job. The one that could kill Sydney fuckin’ Prescott.”

“Now wouldn’t that be just… Liberating?” said Mickey while gently caressing her back.

Maybe.

Sam could feel his hand getting grabbed and yanked upward. As she turned towards the man who yanked her arm, she could feel shaky breathing on her fingers. Stu was holding her half laughing, half panting. Maniac smile plastered on his face. “The moment when the knifey enters the body! It’s so… Uplifting!” he yelled and threw her hand up, to prove himself. “You know I’m right.” he growelled.

Yes.

“You’ve felt it” Billy joined in the chanting.

Yes!

“And you want to taste it again” almost all of them were yelling at this point.

And again, and again, and again.

“Finish the job…” Billy said, looking deeply in her eyes.

Before Sam could answer him, she got turned around, away from the glass. You were holding her shoulders, lightly shaking her up.

---------------------------------------------------

You needed to do something. Sam had been staring at her father’s robes for almost five minutes now mumbling and shaking. So, you did the only thing you could. You grabbed her by her shoulders and yanked her away.

Something changed in her. You saw it the moment she turned and broke the trans state she got in. Your brain could register Tara's laughter in the distance, but you didn't pay attention to it right now. Sam's eyes were burning with hatred, and you weren't sure it was not directed towards you.

"Everything okay?" You asked, worry in your voice.

She didn't answer, just looked at you like you asked her whether she wants to die. After a few moments, her eyes widened, and her expressions softened. She put one of her hands on your shoulder reassuringly and spoke quietly.

"Yes. Sorry for that. I just..."

She couldn't finish her sentence, because her phone rang, Bailey showing up on the screen. You pointed towards it, gesturing for her to pick up. She nodded and pressed the green button on the screen.

"Hel..." she started, but was interrupted again, frustration washing over her face. You could hear Bailey's voice but couldn't make out what he said. It was something about Kirby and the FBI. Sam's expression changed to fear, to anger and then to determination. She hung up, ripped open her father's cabinet and picked up the bloody knife. She looked at you in disbelief, like she was reconciling something.

"You said you vouch for Kirby being on our side!"

"Because she is!" You said, your voice trembling with fear at the recognition of her words.

"Well, Bailey just told me she was suspended from the FBI a year ago, for unpredictable behaviour" Sam told you. "She was lying to us this whole time!"

What? How could this be? Could Kirby really be a cold-blooded killer? The woman who treated you like her sister when yours turned out to be a psycho. The one that protected you and took care of you after the events of 2011. It couldn't be. It can't be.

"Well, she very much looks guilty now" Sam answered you. As it turns out, that last part, you said out loud.

You couldn't move from the shock. It was as if you were glued to the ground, the weight of pressure finally nailing you down. You didn't even register Sam storming of to find Kirby. You couldn't comprehend anything that was happening around you. It was like if the robes around you faces had, all of them staring you down. One of them was smiling. Oh, how you missed that smile.

She was there, in the place of the mannequin. Her hair messy like the last time you saw her, knife in hand. Sydney on the floor, under her watchful gaze. There were other bodies, but none of them recognisable. The moment flashed vividly before you. Your sisters face changed when she understood what you were seeing. Her smile turned from the one that you loved so much to one that you feared. One you were terrified of. The same she stabbed you with more times you wanted to remember.

"Looks like our friend finally came to her senses" Jill said as she started to giggle. The giggling quickly turned into laughter, then to shrieking. You dropped to your knees, crying, screaming at her to stop. She didn't. You could feel the other Ghostfaces moving from their places behind you, each having the same purpose; to slice you up like they did to Quinn.

You were crumbling on the floor, the weight feeling impossibly heavy, when a scream woke you. You turned to its direction. It came from the bar. Why was that important? Oh right, your girlfriend was there. Why did that matter?

It hit you like a train. In seconds you were running to the others. The sight that welcomed you was worse than what you lived through just moments ago. Two Ghostfaces had Chad on his knees, taking turns on striking their knifes into him. Tara was held back by a frozen Sam, Kirby nowhere to be seen. You rushed towards the Carpenters, pulling them backwards but for no avail. Sam was rooted to her space, holding onto Tara so hard, you were afraid for her. Blood was pumping in your ear, muffling the sounds of the Ghostfaces work and Tara's pleads and screams.

You tried again, this time more forcefully. You didn't expect what would happen. With lightning speed, Sam shoved you forcefully backwards, pushing Tara back as well. Then she shot out with a speed you have never seen yet. In just milliseconds she threw herself onto one of the attackers, tackling them. Then she strook down with the knife.

You couldn't believe your eyes. The other Ghostface quickly threw Chad to the floor, trying to help his accomplice but he wasn't successful. Sam blocked the attack by punching away the hand that held the knife and plunged her own inside of him, tearing on his robes. He fell over, a feminine scream leaving her. Sam was over her in an instant, driving her blade into her once again. The other threw himself onto Sam getting her off her. When he tried to stab her, she punched him in the neck and tried to disarm him, since her knife was still in the other Ghostface. She gripped his hand, hard and smacked it against the wall beside them.

You started moving to help, but then saw the raging fire that was burning inside Sam's eyes, and you froze. She wasn't the woman you knew. She was more like a version of her that reminded you of... Of Jill. The raw strength, the rage, the hatred. Every little detail reminded you of her, of the ruthless predator that sliced you up. The sister that showed no remorse in trying to eradicate her family.

So, you just watched, Tara in your arms, also frozen. Her sobs stopped and was now watching horrified of what her sister does.

A gunshot's sounded through the room, its discord slowly fading away. You snapped your head back, seeing Bailey edging towards you with Kirby held as a hostage wounds on her stomach and arms, blood dribbling out of them. You saw that he knew you were there too, but his eyes were fixated on what was happening on the other side of the room. You turned back, in time to see Sam pulling the knife through one of their throats and spinning quickly behind the other, placing the blade on their now exposed neck, drawing blood. The other stumbled to the floor like a ragdoll.

"Put. Her. Down." Bailey spitted out, voice full of loss and hatred.

Sam laughed before answering, a manic smile plastered on her face. Her eyes were filled with joy and fulfilment as she held back the other woman, who was struggling against her firm, unescapable grip. "How nice of you to join the party that you orchestrated. I've been waiting for you!"

"How did you know it was me?" He asked tearing up at the sight of one of the Ghostfaces dropping to the floor. This was the moment you realised how deeply you were betrayed. Not just by him, but by your best friend too. You looked at the Ghostface that was held captive by Sam, disgust written all over your face.

"Should you be really worried about that with a knife held to your bitch daughter's throat?" She asked back, her voice trembling from joy. "I would just need to press a little harder and your family would be o-ver" and she did, carving into the flesh to make her point. "Every one of you, killed by me. Ironic, isn't it? Since you were the ones that tried to fuck with mine" she growled the last sentence.

"What..." was the only thing that left Tara, her voice dying in her throat.

"Oh, don't you worry sweety. I figured it out. I figured out how to end this once and for all!" Her excitement was palpable.

"H- How will you do it?" You asked, fearing the answer.

"I will kill everyone who had anything to do with any of this. After that, no one will do it, ever again!"

A chill ran down your spine. Her smile was like a wretched and rotten corpse ready to be cremated. She was talking about everyone and both you and Tara knew it. You knew you were on the list that formed inside her head.

"We need to get out of here" you whispered to Tara, who nodded slightly.

“Let her go and I will let Kirby walk away” Bailey started. It was like he didn’t hear what Sam just spoke about. “This is between you and me!”

“I should have known it was you from the start!” Sam stated pointing at Bailey with her blade. “You know, you have the same nose as your son. The earlobes are similar as well. How was I this stupid?! I wonder if your screams and whimpers are the same as well.”

Bailey’s face darkened at that sentence. He went rigid, his muscles tensing, veins showing on his face.

“That’s it!” Sam called out, victorious grin on her face. “Show your daughter what a monster you really are!”

You leaned down to Tara, whispering in her ear. “When I push, you run behind the counter. Don’t look back. I will be right behind you…”

As the last word escaped your mouth, Bailey pushed Kirby away from himself and shot at Sam three times. Immediately you pushed Tara, who started ducking and running towards the location you told her. You saw Sam taking cover, using Quinn as a human shield. You rushed for Kirby, yanking her by her arm and dragging herself with you. Another shot was fired, and you felt immense pain in your left leg. With a final force you pushed Kirby forward and fell to the floor. She made it. She must have made it.

You looked back behind your shoulders to see Sam racing towards her enemy. Two additional shots were fired but neither one hit Sam, who was now on her opponent striking down with her blade. She stabbed him two times in the stomach, then pulled her blade high, and finally plunging it in Bailey’s face. His blood dribbled out, covering Sam. She tasted the blood and revelled in the feeling. You looked where she was originally positioned. Quinn had her mask taken of a huge opening in her throat, gasping for air that would never come. Not long after, her moans also faded away leaving silence in the room. You fearfully watched Sam whose eyes were wide as if she just had the most fulfilling euphoria in her life.

Sam sat over Bailey, still as a statue. You didn’t dare to move either. Whatever happened to her, you didn’t feel like she was safe. You were right.

As the blood from her blade dropped to the floor, her head snapped to where you were, her eyes wide. She slowly started moving towards you, while you desperately tried to push yourself further away from her. You could hear low whispers coming from the counter, so you made even more noise, trying to keep them hidden.

“Oh, Y/N” Sam started. “I’m sorry it had come to this. Truly…”

“Sam” you started shaking. “Sam stop! What are you doing?!”

“Tell me where my sister is and I swear I’ll make this quick for you” she said, then plunged the knife deep into your stomach. You didn’t need to try making sounds now to cover for your girlfriend. The scream that left you was louder than you imagined you could be.

“Where. Is. She?”

“Fuck you- Arghh!” you moaned out in pain as she twisted the knife in you.

“Sam stop!” Tara cried out, standing up from behind the counter. “Why…”

“To stop this from happening ever again. I thought I said this already.” she answered while standing up. From below, you could see the cuts and wounds that were left by the Ghostfaces. How is she still moving? “Now come here! I’ll promise it will be painless.”

“You’re crazy” you huffed out but got cut of with a kick from her into your open wound. You curled into a little ball, muffling your sounds whit a hand tucked inside your mouth.

“Tara, I won’t kill her until you left us, so you don’t have to see her die! Her pain is on you.”

Tara’s eyes widened even more and stumbled backwards, still not believing her eyes and ears. “Don’t say that.”

“Oh, but it is” she chuckled. “Don’t you see? This could have ended by now.”

You noticed something moving behind Sam, but your eyes were too blurry with tears to identify it. You could tell it was someone not something, but no more.

“Tara, sweety. Just come here. I’m not in the mood to play catch.”

“You won’t need to” said a voice behind Sam, making her spin around. You wasted no time, and jumped to tackle her by her feet, screaming in pain while doing it. You felt a sharp sensation in your shoulders, as she plunged it into you, but you managed to throw her of, grabbing her legs as hard as you could to make her unable to stand up.

This was something you and Kirby practised for months while living together. As soon as you heard her voice, you knew what you had to do. So, you did it. Holding onto her legs with slippery, bloody hands was way more challenging than you thought, but it did the trick. You could hear Kirby running closer, trying to hold Sam down as well. Even your best wasn’t enough for her. She managed to get one of her legs free, kicking you forcefully of and focusing then on the agent before her.

You could do nothing but to watch as they scrambled of the nearest weapon, fighting over who gets a hold of it quicker. You didn’t see clearly but you knew Sam was winning. Then you felt the sharp sensation in your shoulders again, as someone pulled the blade out of it. You bit your lips not to scream out and give away the third opponent Sam had.

You saw Tara rushing toward them and stabbing her sister in the back. As she screamed out in pain, Kirby ripped the gun out of her hands, quickly pointing at her and pulling the trigger. It didn’t go of. The blonde cursed and threw herself at Sam but got kicked away. You started crawling towards them.

You saw your brunette getting smacked against the wall and dropping to the ground. Sam stood up and looked at her, hesitating for a moment. That was all you needed to reach her, trying to rip her leg out from under her. She cursed, but left Tara alone and turned towards you kicking your arm. You screamed even louder as you could feel and hear the bone crack. She crouched down to lift your head looking in your eyes. Your sight was darkening, you could feel yourself passing out. Or away.

“Bye Y/N” she said as she raised her arm to strike down.

You hearing was muffled after that, but you heard someone screaming, and you didn’t feel the cold steel inside you. The last thing you saw was her body dropping to the floor before your sight darkened and all you could see was black.

---------------------------------------------------

When you woke up, you were in a hospital bed. Your throat felt soar, and everything hurt like hell. Your right hand was hanging from a suspension. As you tried to move your other hand to touch it, you felt warm fingers around your palm. You moved your eyes over and saw Tara, bloody face, and even bloodier clothes. Her eyes were shining with hope and happiness as she looked at you.

“Hey!” she said softly.

You tried to say something, but your throat was too sore. The only thing you managed to get out of you was a low growl. She chuckled at even that, smile wider than ever. A nurse handed you a glass of water, which you gladly accepted and drank from it slowly, your stomach hurting form every little movement. After that Tara asked for some privacy, which the nurse gave you.

“I thought I lost you Y/N. I did, for four minutes.”

“What happened?” you struggled to say every letter of these two words.

Tara’s face darkened, her face overcoming with sorrow. You wanted nothing else than to take back your words, but you couldn’t. A tear fell down her face as she took a deep breath, to explain.

“After you saved me, Sam was about to strike you down, when I got up and stabbed her twenty-eight times” her voice dropped, low and slow. She couldn’t look at you. “After that, I picked up Bailey’s handgun which was hidden in his boot and did the same thing as Sam did with Richie. Just with the whole barrel.”

You held her hand tightly, gripping it harder than ever. She finally looked at you, your eyes connecting. Her sorrow, hate and desperation could all be seen. Immediately she started tearing up and moments later she was crying herself out beside you, while you whispered soothing words to her.

You didn’t know how much you held her, and how much time did you two spending crying, but it didn’t matter. Her body pressed to your side, rising, and dropping with every in- and exhale. It was the only calming thing you had right now, so you gripped onto her as tight as you could.

“The others don’t know yet” she said, between two sobs.

“The others?” you managed to ask back.

“Mindy and Chad survived. So did Kirby, but she was there. Sam saved Chad by rushing towards Ethan. Gale wanted to visit you too, but they didn’t let her leave her room. I refused to leave your side. Wanted to be here when you wake up.”

“Thank you” you said, tearing up again. “Thank you so much Tara.”

She didn’t answer, just curled up even more beside you.

“I love you Y/N” she said finally, voice low and unsure. “Nothing else mattered to me, but you. Nothing else matters.”

“I love you too” you said inhaling her smell. “I would do anything for you.” Then you chuckled and pulled a little away, to be able to look her in the eyes. “Took us long enough don’t you think?”

She nodded, and went back to curl up beside you, her face in your neck. You placed your hand around her, inhaling her again. She filled your senses, pain dissipating, thoughts evening out. There was nothing you could think of but her as you drifted back to sleep.

[yarameijer]

Hello!! I just wanted to say i love your fics so much, when i first saw it in around 2022, i was amazed! Your writing style is so good, and it inspired me to be able to write fanfics aswell. I've gotta say, your fics are very interesting and entertaining! My most favorite fic of yours is probably Warped and Accidental Reverse. (I re-read those stories atleast 54 times i think?) Anyway, i was thinking if you had any headcanons for the Gryphon Trio? (Tsurugi, Tenma, Shindou) Also, if possible, DONT ABANDON ACCIDENTAL REVERSE PLZ🙏

Heyhey! Thank you for all the kind things you said <3 and good luck with your own fanfics!

Ohoho you don’t wanna know how many people asked for headcanons for these three and it took me ages because apparently I’m very bad at coming up with headcanons?? Who knew??

Tenma loves hugs

This means that when he gets excited he tries to tackle Tsurugi with hugs, and Tsurugi normally tries to evade him but every once in a while is caught off guard and then has to deal with octopus-Tenma

As time goes on Tsurugi starts accepting physical affection a bit more, but he's still a tsundere about it

It’s actually quite the normal sight for Tenma to hang off of Tsurgi if he gets the chance

Tenma’s less quick to hug Shindou, and for the first few months in their friendship, hugging Shindou is a very big no! in his mind because that’s his senpai, he can’t just hug him!

Over time the two of them grow more comfortable with each other and after talking out a pretty major argument (that I will be writing at some point) they hug for the first time, and get more comfortable doing so

Tenma’s still kinda shy about it tho so Shindou’s usually the instigator

Tenma is a bit more hesitant to tackle-hug Shindou than Tsurugi

Shindou is actually quite quick with giving minor physical affection! Usually shoulder touches during excitable moments, whether that’s after scoring a goal during a match or when one of his friends is upset - think light squeezes or just laying his hand on someone’s shoulder

They all live on different sides of Inazuma Town and the riverside soccer field is more or less in the middle of their houses, so if they want to meet up for soccer outside of school, that’s where they go

Usually when they hang out for non-soccer activities, they just agree to meet at the place they’re going

They like hanging out at Tenma’s place because Aki always has the best snacks, they like hanging out at Tsurugi’s place because his parents usually are working so they’ve got the place to themselves, and they don’t like hanging out at Shindou’s place because Tenma and Tsurugi feel very out of place

Despite that, Tsurugi and Tenma love listening to Shindou playing the piano

Shindou has the worst sleeping schedule out of all of them because he gets caught up in whatever he’s doing (reading a book, ridiculous research on whatever caught his attention this time, thinking up hissatsu techniques or strategies for the team, etc.) and Tenma and Tsurugi judge him for it

Tenma and Tsurugi had a lot of fun training for Fire Tornado Double Drive and end up continuing their hissatsu training together in their free time

They don’t tell anyone about it but Shindou figures it out when they keep coming to him for ‘’hypothetical’’ hissatsu questions

Tsurugi, every chance he gets, rubs in the fact that he’s the tallest out of the three of them

He bullies Tenma by raising his hand too high for high-fives or keeping things above his head out of his reach

He tries the same thing with Shindou, but every time Shindou just stares at him wordlessly, incredibly unimpressed, until he lowers his hand

In fact, Tsurugi is not that much taller than Shindou, but still the one time Shindou tried pulling the ‘’I’m older’’ card in an argument, he didn’t hesitate to play the ‘’then why are you so short’’ card and Shindou didn’t talk to him for two days

Shindou and Tsurugi also have this habit of high-fiving without looking (‘’because they think it makes them look cool’’ ‘’Tenma shut up’’) but one time they missed and Shindou slapped Tsurugi in the face by accident

It was during a match so it got caught on camera and every once in a while Tenma sends it in whatever group chat they’re all in (Earth Eleven, Raimon, etc.) to humble them

Tenma’s a lot quicker to tease them both in group chats than face-to-face

In person, Shindou is the one who teases the others the most, because their reactions are very funny

Tenma gets very shy and starts stuttering

Tsurugi tries to pretend it doesn’t bother him but he’s also very pale and it’s very easy to see when he turns red

For Tenma and Tsurugi both Shindou is (one of) their go-to person(s) for advice, although Tsurugi is a lot more quiet and subtle about it than Tenma

I’ll probably add to this later, because recently I’ve really been building these characters to my liking and I’m starting to notice that it’s easier to come up with this stuff once I’ve developed them more individually.

That being said, I should probably do headcanon lists for them individually!

[the-forests-blessing]

Chapter 22

 Lukas has never felt so nervous about re-entering the forest until today. As the morning sun shines just south of the extensive grassy pastures within the surrounding biomes, our antsy author leaves his spotted companion behind for the day, wanting Dewey to catch up on his much needed rest, and so that Lukas has time to himself so he can… think. 

     The frost coated stalks of the uncut grass grace the cuffs of his formal dark brown pants, along with dampening the tops of his shoes while he walks alone. It’s a brisk morning, with wind chills encouraging him to pull out his heavy brown peacoat. The coarse woolen cloth keeps him somewhat warm, plus his magenta scarf to keep the rest of his exposed skin protected from the cold. He lifts his hand, adorned by black leather to give his tucked-in scarf a little adjustment. 

     Waking up early always helps to clear his mind, but on a day as strange as this, he finds himself lost in an endless fog. After his realization yesterday, everything feels strange.

     Sleep evaded him last night. Most of his time was spent losing his mind at his desk, going through that same passage over and over again, then reluctantly pulling out his own journals just to see… for himself, the evidence behind his own obsession. Ever since he met Admin, he knows he’s been a little preoccupied, but he himself believed it all to be because of the truly unrealistic circumstances of such an encounter leading him to the unheard of discovery of a forest dwelling god. Walking the same earth for creators knows how many years! How can he not be a little obsessed?

     It’s not like he was expecting it to turn into… to turn into this-! 

     Lukas has to pause at the beginning of the treeline. He stops just before the trees, looking into the dark overshadowed interior. His gaze shifts, lingering on those most absurd danger signs that still stay out here to this day. He’s passed them countless times now, rolling his eyes or just straight up ignoring them before heading into the deep forest to meet with the very creature this town fears.

     “Ooookay, Lukas, we can do this,” he says to keep his spirits high, even as his beating heart shakes in his chest, knowing now the lengths at which his fondness for the deity has grown. He steps into the forest, and with frost coated twigs crunching under his footsteps, as well as the cold breeze passing through the trees, prickling at his nose, he begins to feel more and more uneasy the closer he gets to the Admin’s domain. Using that same fallen tree he’s climbed up for weeks now, then passing by that frosty moss covered boulder that Dewey loves to tear at, he gets closer.

     Aaand closer to going crazy.

     “I can’t believe this…” Lukas has to pause, holding his face in his gloved hands. Shaking his head, he repeats himself, “I can’t believe this,” with an even more lost tone. 

     He came to BeaconTown for one thing and one thing only. Work. To come and study, gather the knowledge he needs, and leave. But no. No. Now… Now he’s… Purposefully dressed out of his work attire, knowing he isn’t going to be coming here for work today. Come carrying cookies no less-! For a man and his allay that he’s… come to really start liking over time. 

     “Everyone is right. I’m crazy, possibly insane , even,” he continues to mutter to himself, throwing around all kinds of random gestures for no one else to see. “What am I going to do, walk up to him and be like, oh by the way, I think I like you. Like-like you. Yeah, Lukas, what a good idea! Sure, he’s totally not going to think you’re chicken-brained for that. At least if you tell him, you may discover he’s capable of laughing, because that’s what he’s going to do! Heh, he’s gonna laugh , right Dewey?” He looks back, remembering the ocelot isn’t there. “...Okay, yeah, I’m definitely losing it.”

     He hasn’t lost himself completely though. Right?

     It’s not like he woke up from his ‘impeccable’ four hours of sleep, just to eagerly get out of bed, dress nice and neat in something warm and new– or at the very least, new to visiting the Admin. And he may or may not have spent ample time styling his hair back as nice and stylish as possible today, while also paying close attention to shaving away any pesky blond stubble growing in. The bruising around his eye is still there, but the darkest colors have faded. There’s still a big purple splotch, but he can at the very least see out of his eye now. The Admin’s healing magic is certainly working.

     Lukas stops in his tracks, pausing at the expansive fog layer that preserves the most special parts of this coniferous woodland. His heart pounds in his chest as his gleaming gaze settles upon its comforting presence. Usually he just walks right in, but today, he can’t help but hesitate. With no real plan set in mind, he has absolutely no idea what he’s going to say to Admin about his latest discovery. Not when he knows deep down that such a confession may lead to irreversible consequences.  

     The longer he hesitates, the more the fog near the base of the endless cloud travels outward, drifting around Lukas’ feet where it then clings to him as if to tempt him closer. Lukas fails to notice this as he nervously clutches the strap of his bag, holding it as he stares forward into the mist. With one deep breath, he exhales a cloud into the cold air.

     “Ahh gosh… Okay.” Deep breaths, Lukas. “Heeere we go.” Reaching into his inventory, his hand suffers from a light tremble as it draws out the soul lantern. After the other day's incident, he really wants to avoid burning his hand again. When he draws the lantern out this time, the flame ignites just as the fog itself reaches further outward, wrapping around our author and following him in. As he walks, the welcoming fog already begins to subside as the forest becomes clear to him almost instantly. 

     Lukas stops. The deep, dark blue forest overtakes all of his surroundings, meanwhile Lukas’ gaze stays shaken, locked onto the glowing irises watching him from a nearby tree not even ten blocks away. His heart rate skyrockets, pounding in his ear drums as the near silence of the forest feels deafening. A chill encases his body, just as a flurry ignites in his stomach as he stares back at the deity who awaits him in the darkness. He stands there, petrified by the nervous butterflies in his stomach. The Admin stays unmoving, which tempts Lukas to uproot from his spot on the frosty forest floor, the earth beneath his feet crunching as he slowly draws closer.

      I wasn’t expecting him to be waiting for me like this.

     “H-heeey, Admin,” he says a bit awkwardly. The forest dweller stays unmoving, watching the little blond male approach him. As Lukas draws closer, he can see more of the deity’s current posture. He’s relaxing against a tree, his plaid arms crossed and one foot kicked back, resting against a massive pine residing behind him. To Lukas, the posture is pretty laid back. “Lookin’ cool,” he says with a sheepish smile, doing the lamest finger guns imaginable.

      Oh my god. He must resist the urge to facepalm. What is wrong with me? What on earth am I thinking??

     Lukas watches the Admin let out an amused scoff before coming to a full stand. The blond is immediately silenced, watching the deity take only two steps closer before stopping and… mimicking the finger gun with one hand, a bit lazier with the gesture, but then drops it and opens his arms for the shocked author. 

     Lukas is stunned by the rush of butterflies he gets from the open invitation. He cannot help the second of hesitation though, experiencing these feelings in real time in an entirely new light freezes him to ice. This makes the Admin’s dark brows furrow, frowning with a tilt of his head and his hands lowering just slightly. Seeing this, Lukas panics and quickly steps forward. Closing the distance, wrapping his arms around the deity’s pudge, then to feel those crushing arms grapple around and squeeze him so tight, it causes the human’s back to pop from the eager bear hug.

     “AH! Crushing-! Crushing me-!! Oh gosh A-Admin-” Lukas’ strained voice pleads until the hug relents, Admin backing up to give the human some space. One spine-realigning hug from Admin later, he sucks in a breath of air, feeling the lingering hug all over his torso. “Creators, you are strong. Heh, did you miss me or something?”

     The deity’s blank expression lowers into something unamused, closing his eyes then turning away. Crossing his arms, he shrugs, then nods. 

      Really? Lukas perks up at that.

     “Well, heh, you know,” he grabs his own arm, blushing and glancing away. “I missed you too. Had a full day of– of uh… Total nothingness yesterday! BeaconTown is really boring, you know?” Admin doesn’t respond to that, instead gazing tiredly at Lukas before lifting his hand, pointing at his satchel. “Huh? Oh–” Lukas glances down to his bag, and he cannot contain his warm smile, a soft laugh escaping him as he reaches into his bag and pulls out a wadded cloth full of fresh baked surprises. “Always looking for something sweet, aren’t you?” 

      Lukas cannot make eye contact after making a comment like that. He feels so unbelievably nervous right now, it’s hard to think. He hands off the wadded up bundle of treats though, placed gingerly into the politely waiting palm of the Admin. He turns away, unable to watch this, so he looks elsewhere. “Where’s Berry at? I’m surprised it’s not here with you this morning.” 

     After a few moments of pretending to look around, the author looks back now, feeling his entire body run as cold as the glacier water running through this forest’s rivers. He sees the Admin, holding up and staring at the one heart-shaped cookie in the entire bundle. He picked a variety to keep it from standing out! 

     “Oh– I– Uh, you know they were selling all sorts of stuff at the bakery this morning. I was the first one there so I kind of got a ‘one of everything’ deal. After that last day we spent together I kind of figured you deserved a lot in return for accepting my apology. You know, because you didn’t have to but you did and that means a lot and–” Lukas’ clamps his mouth shut, looking back at the Admin who now with narrowed eyes as he takes a bite of the cookie. Even in this cold weather, he feels like he might break out into a sweat. “Oh, hah, look at me…” Nervous shrug. “Rambling again…”

     The Admin doesn’t linger on the weirdness Lukas displays. Instead, he shoves the rest of the tiny sugar encrusted cookie into his mouth and approaches the human, reaching out and giving his blond head an affectionate ruffle as he passes by him. Lukas is subsequently left in his constant state of shock, reaching up to touch and feel his now mess of hair– and the crumbs of dirt left behind from the Admin’s dirty glove.

     “What! Seriously? Dammit Admin, you do realize I spent a good chunk of my morning working on this!” He complains, following the Admin regardless. He can’t see the smirk on the deity’s face ahead of him, so the most the author does is grumble and attempt putting his style back together. Once his blond tuft is tidied back into place, he stops complaining.

     “So where are we going anyways?” Lukas asks, trotting up to walk a few blocks behind the towering man. “Do you have a plan for today?” Of course there’s no response, but not even a huff or a glance back at him either. Lukas waits mere seconds for any sort of reply but when he has none, he crosses his arms. “You know, I told you we’d be working on your penmanship next time we hang out. I hope you haven’t forgotten that. I even brought some extra books for you to practice from.” 

     Suddenly the deity stops, nearly causing Lukas to walk straight into his mossy pelt. The author pauses just in time, then looks up to see the Admin turn and glare down at him. Before Lukas can open his mouth to speak, he’s being teleported. The flash of light disorients him. Shaking off the feeling, he blinks and allows his eyes to adjust to the new… oh. Familiar surroundings. They’re back at that magically crafted shooting range.

     Lukas now finds his bow being taken from his own inventory and placed into his hands, then the heavy handed push of encouragement towards the targets by the Admin himself has Lukas struggling to adjust to the whirlwind of changes. 

     “Auuugh… Seriously? Already?” Lukas looks back at him, clearly displeased with this predicament. “I just got out here! It’s not even close to noon yet,” he states, gesturing with an outreached hand towards the rising sun. Admin remains unfazed by this sassy little human’s constant complaints. He grabs another cookie from the bundle and eats it without so much as offering Lukas a sugary sweet crumb of sympathy.

     Lukas huffs, turning away from the man. Creators. He can be so… so- ! He shakes his head, holding up his bow and, with the retrieval of an arrow from his inventory, Lukas aims and shoots the nearest target head-on. Thunk! The arrow pierces the hay bale, only a few rings away from the bullseye. Lukas beams at the accuracy, turning to look back at the Admin proudly. 

     “You’ll be pleased to know I wrote down a ton of notes in my journal about our last practice session.” A lot of confidence from a guy who still hardly knows what he’s doing. Lukas turns back to the targets, and thanks to the infinity enchantment the Admin gifted his bow, another arrow pops into existence, only to subsequently be aimed and shot within seconds. This arrow lands on the second closest target. 

     Lukas smirks again, this time looking back at Admin without any bold remarks. The deity is on his third cookie, simply munching away quietly, watching from closer in towards the treeline while Lukas soaks up the sun's rays. He’s given a thumbs up, and that’s enough to make the human flourish with self confidence. 

      If it’s practice he wants, then it’s practice he’ll get.

     As much as Lukas was looking forward to working on penmanship, he quickly eases into the archery session for the highlight of his morning. He does need way more training after all, and morning is the best time for him to really put his skills to the test. It’s cold, there’s moisture in the air, and the wind kicking up forces Lukas to think more strategically about his aim. It’s strange though. Last session he had with Admin, the man was by his side for almost the entirety of it. Today though, he keeps his distance. When Lukas looked back again, he noticed the deity sheltered himself even closer to the treeline, hiding within the blanketing shadows beneath the trees.

     Maybe he’s just giving him room to expand his range? Lukas isn’t quite sure. He focuses on practicing, getting better and better with each shot as the clouds pass by overhead and the sun ascends high above. 

     Eventually he begins to be bothered with the lack of attention. Lukas determines a break is in order for how much time he’s already spent practicing. There’s got to be over fifty arrows sprinkled across the field by now! Entering the chilly shade beneath the trees, Lukas approaches the Admin, the man sitting up against a tree quietly with his arms crossed and expression unsurprisingly blank. 

     “Hey, uh, are you doing okay back here?” Lukas can’t help but ask. It’s not often he stands above the Admin. Even while he’s sitting and Lukas is standing, the man still feels so much bigger, imposing on Lukas in more ways than one. Under the shade, the deity stays accustomed to the darkness surrounding him, with his glowing irises being the part of him that proves to be the most eye-catching. 

     Admin doesn’t respond immediately, staring forward for a few moments before giving Lukas a shrug and turning his head into the opposite direction. The student marksman sighs, his gaze resting delicately on the man before turning back around and looking over the crystally, frost covered field. 

     “Is there anything you would like to do, Admin?” Lukas asks on a whim. “We can come back and practice a little bit, but I could really use a break. Hands are getting kind of tired.” Admin glances at him finally, eyeing the author silently before making his next move. He places a hand on his knee, the other on the grass as he grunts and heaves his hefty weight up and off the ground. Once again he stands a foot and a half taller than Lukas, but the blond stays unbothered. “It always kind of feels like we’re doing something for me, but I was hoping to try and return the favor today.” Lukas stuffs his hands in his peacoat pockets, glancing down at his own feet. 

     “Maaaybe you could show me some place you like? I’m not going to beat around the bush, I’ve been really wanting to learn more about you.” Lukas looks up now, shrugging. “If that’s okay with you?”

     A prolonged silence followed that fateful question. Lukas has been extremely patient these past two months. He's wanted Admin to find comfort, as well as trust in him, for whenever he feels the time to talk… really talk, is right. If he doesn't want to, then that's okay. 

     Admin’s glowing gaze averted, the blue deity lifting his head to look up. To Lukas, it looks as though he may be searching his thoughts, taking his time to think of a response. There's this look of… Lukas’ eyes narrow, analyzing his friend closely. Is it uncertainty? Or is it fear…

     The author's gaze softens, his posture relaxing with a sigh. If Admin doesn't want to, then he doesn't have t–

     A flash of light snaps Lukas’ eyes wide open as he's teleported… The teleportation sequence lasts seconds, longer than any he’s experienced yet, giving Lukas time to stare in unbelievable shock as the white light forms into binding colors of light twisting together and forming what appears to be another dimension. Then everything comes to an abrupt halt. The human is falling forward, only to be grabbed mid-fall by a quick and strong hand clutching the scruff of his peacoat. Lukas stares wildly, gasping for air as he stares at the new ground below him. 

     Grass. Of course it's grass. Lukas breathes heavily as he looks around, eyes adjusting back to his normal reality. They're still in the forest, but where? 

     Admin pulls Lukas back onto his feet finally, holding the man's back gently as he allows the human to find grounding. Once he looks to be stable, Admin relents his hold and steps away…

     It's a meadow. Lukas walks forward a bit, taking in the picturesque landscape. It's not completely wide open, there's still plenty of trees and foliage scattered sporadically throughout the long grass, but there's a sprinkling of wildflowers everywhere. 

     “Admin…” Lukas’ breath is taken by the scenery, feeling almost a bit… unworthy to be gazing upon it with his own eyes. There's something so magical about it. Pure. Untouched by people, grown by mother nature's hand herself. Above the trees are the mountains Lukas has looked upon from afar, but this time they are so, so much closer. Realizing how far they must have traveled, Lukas looks back up at the man who continues to take his breath away.

     “How big is this forest exactly?” He can't help but ask, feeling excitement pump adrenaline through his veins. Admin just shrugs, then puts his palms together, then pulls them apart to gesture a long span of space. Big, Lukas assumes. The author doesn't reply, instead looking back at the lush meadow. How the breeze rustles the grass, making it look like running water. Speaking of water, Lukas’ ocelot senses catch the sound of a nearby creek flowing and water lapping at rocks. 

     “Admin, I'm…” Lukas steps forward a few blocks, spreading his arms out to take it all in. “All these incredible places! In such a vast, beautiful forest! I just can't believe how much there is, and how much more there must be left to discover!” 

     The human turns back around, looking at his friend with so much joy and so much admiration. Even though the Admin looks back at him with only a tired expression, he hopes he knows just how much this– to be trusted so much to keep being brought along and shown around to such amazing places– truly means to him. The deity merely nods, then begins walking, so of course Lukas follows. 

     The grass is tall enough to grace his calves as Lukas walks, the author noting the grass only touches the top of the Admin’s heavy boots. So tall… Lukas looks upon him as he guides the little human through the grass. The sound of water gets louder, and soon enough Lukas’ feet are stepping on wood. Lukas stops to watch the Admin walk ahead over a small wooden bridge that crosses over the narrow riverbed. 

     A built structure? He wonders as he walks over the bridge. The wood looks very old… The edges are in rough shape, being chipped away over time. Moss grows along some parts of it, while some spots look a bit unstable to step on. The wood creaks under the weight of his steps until he's greeting the ground on the other side once again.

     “Did you build this?” Lukas asks. The Admin merely nods, not bothering to stop or look back at him. So he does build things… Lukas realizes with an increase in questions formulating in his head. 

     “So do you like this place?” He asks, receiving another quiet nod. Lukas sighs, simply resting his gaze on the man. 

     There's something so special about seeing the Admin walk beneath the warm sun. Lukas watches him, his eyes falling upon the way his dark blue head of hair keeps its shadowy shade of color, as if sunlight has no effect in bringing light to his godly form. He is like a walking shadow atop a meadow of the aether. That is at the very least until shade encompasses him once again. Lukas blinks, pulling himself out of his infatuated spell by looking upon a tree so radiant and pure, free of all malice in the world. 

      A willow tree?

     Lukas is awestruck, pausing to admire the extremely rare specimen in all its gracefulness. “A willow tree! I can't believe this is out here, do you know how rare these are?” Lukas says with an excited tone, absolutely beaming. Reaching out, he touches over the golden yellow leaves, knowing once winter arrives, this tree will be barren; nothing but drooping colorless branches. 

     He takes his time admiring the beauty before following Admin. Admin settles at the base of the tree, and here the grass on the ground shortens in length, making it easy to find a comfortable spot next to his friend. There’s plenty of fallen leaves scattered around the grass, so Lukas grabs one and picks it up before approaching the man.

     “Do you come out here often?” Lukas asks as he grabs his satchel off his shoulder and sets it down upon the grass, then turns his back towards the tree and settles beside Admin. Admin shrugs, shifting his gaze to watch his human companion sit beside him. Lukas hums softly, smiling as he twiddles the golden leaf between his fingers. “Well it's beautiful. I swear Admin, everything you show me here in your forest is absolutely incredible! The most amazing place I've ever seen! What else is there left to see?”

     Admin merely nods at that, then reaches down to the pack on his thigh. Opening it, he takes out the journal Lukas gave (Admin took) to him and the quill adorned with a duck feather follows. 

      ‘L oTs’, he writes.

      Lukas nods, putting the leaf to his lips as he thinks on that response. “Okay, so you've still got a lot left to share with me, huh? That's pretty exciting.” Lukas smiles, blushing a bit at the thought of going on more of these one-on-one adventures with Admin. “Well, let's save those for another day. It will give us something to do together in the future.” Admin is silent at that, keeping his gazing averted from Lukas, resting elsewhere in the distance. 

     “Well, how about some more of that handwriting practice? I can't think of a better spot to do it than here.” Lukas looks around, very much enjoying the shade and shelter the willow tree provides. With its long dangly leaves, the most he can see of the outside world is the grass, and what lies beyond it a mystery. 

     Admin nods again, repositioning his criss-crossed legs and laying them out straight. Journal and hands in his lap, he waits for Lukas’ direction. 

     They've already done this once before, although the session didn't last very long due to time constraints. Lukas can only stay in the forest for so long until his presence is required back in BeaconTown. Usually just to reunite with his bed once again.

     “Still have that letter sheet I gave you?” Lukas asks, and in response, Admin grabs a sheet of notebook paper from his inventory and plops it down atop his journal. The sheet has every letter from the alphabet in both capital and lowercase, written by Lukas himself. “Awesome! I brought some pretty easy books for you to copy from today. They’re, well, supposed to be for newspawns, but I keep them on hand because I really like looking at the illustrations and thought you might enjoy it too. That, and I figured it would be less overwhelming for you.” 

     The first book Lukas hands off to him is about a chicken and a duck becoming friends. It’s cute, and Lukas has always had a soft spot for the artistic style of the illustrations in the book. They’ve inspired a lot of his own art direction for his own work, so getting to share something like this feels pretty special. 

     That, and watching Admin look through it is both funny– and kind of adorable. The way the forest deity picks the book up in his massive hands, fixes it with a curious look, then turns the pages and takes his time reading and looking at the pictures. Jeez, Lukas feels that fuzzy feeling all over again. Gazing at his hands, remembering how cold they feel the two times they’ve ever touched his face. How big they are compared to his own.. And just how gentle he was when caressing his face.

     Lukas is quiet while he watches the Admin slowly attempt to copy the sentences in his own handwriting. His hand moves slow and steady, his expression stern and focused on the process. Once the sentence is complete, Admin rests his hand on his journal and looks at Lukas. The author examines the words on the paper. Still very unsteady with his hand, the letters are all sorts of wobbly, but the words are intelligible. Lukas nods. “Looks good! Keep practicing like this and you’ll be a professional in no time.”

     Admin only huffs at that, then looks back down at the book.

     “Before you keep going, I can’t help but ask, have you always struggled to write?” Lukas asks, then receives a pensive look from Admin. The man squints, looks away in thought for a few moments before shaking his head. “Oh? So you used to know how to write?” 

     The Admin grabs his journal, turning a page in it and writing, ‘LO Ng TIm E AgO’

      “It’s been a long time huh?” Lukas says casually, understanding with a nod of his own. “I can see how that can affect your penmanship. If you don’t write, then I imagine you lose that skill over time and it makes it hard for your mind to remember the shapes and grammar of letters and words.” The Admin only sighs at that, crossing his arms whilst glaring with a frown down at the journal in his lap.

     “Is… that what happened to your voice?” Lukas asks quietly. Admin winces, then looks away, causing the human to fix him with a worried expression. “Sorry, I just figured, you know, if you ever feel like talking again, I want you to know you’re safe to talk to me.” Leaning in a bit, he places his hand over his heart to project his honesty, but Admin only looks further away from him, keeping his eyes averted. A feeling of sadness washes the author down, his posture sulking as he lays back against the tree once again. 

     Seconds of silence pass, and finally the Admin uncrosses his arms and grabs his quill and journal again. Lukas perks up, but keeps the obviousness of his interest to himself as Admin writes… then shows his answer.

      ‘NO pOINT’

      “No point?” Lukas reads outloud. “What do you mean no point?” His blond brows knit with confusion. The page is tapped over and over again by a heavy finger, the Admin’s expression turning from relaxed to frustrated, that prominent frown returning to him. 

     No point in talking?

     “So you don’t feel like there’s any point in talking verbally? Does… that mean you used to, you know, talk?” Lukas shrugs nervously, hoping not to enrage the deity’s wavering temper. Admin’s eyes narrow, the glow in his irises dimming and his frown everlasting as he scrunches his scarred nose up, looks away, then nods only once.

     “Oh? Really?” Lukas’ eyes open wide with intrigue. Hands twitching, resisting the urge to grab his own journal for some more Admin focused entries, he keeps them in his lap as he speaks. “So you feel like there’s no point in talking? Is it because of how you sound.. Or?”

     ‘Bad’, Admin writes.

     “Bad?” Lukas is taken aback by the vagueness. “Talking or… your voice?”

     The Admin bares his teeth in a deep, gravelly growl. He clutches the quill in his hand and writes with his fist, ‘BAD’.

     “Well…” Lukas’ voice softens, uncertain of where exactly the deity’s response truly lies, but… The human eases himself away from the tree, scooting a bit to sit further out into the grass, right beside the Admin’s legs, this way he can see his friend’s face better. “I hope you don’t take me asking these things the wrong way. I don’t mind that you don’t talk verbally with me, it’s just important to me to get to know… that part of you.” 

     Admin’s arms cross again, returning to his defensive posture. After a few seconds, his intense expression softens, although his frown lingers as he listens to Lukas’ words. 

     The wind picks up, a light breeze carrying across the little meadow and passing through the pendulous branches of the weeping willow. The gentle breeze swirls around our author, enticing him to look up and catch sight of the swaying branches, as well of the rays of sunlight peeking in on occasion. The wind carries the sweet aroma of the wildflowers, coaxing Lukas to close his eyes and breathe in, enjoying the cold, clean air, and the sound of the swaying leaves. It’s peaceful, despite the heartache he feels for his mute friend. 

     “You know,” Lukas says after some time basking in nature's soothing spell. “Maybe this could be our new spot.” Admin finally looks back at him, fixing him with a curious look. “Well, it’s just that I like everything there is about your forest. You’ve taken me to so many different parts of it, that it’s hard to believe it's all a part of a singular biome. The only difference is, this place is meaningful to you, which makes it all the more special to me, you know what I mean?”

     Admin’s gaze softens a bit at that, blinking at Lukas before looking down into his lap again. 

     “And well, I’ve… I don’t know,” the blond says, holding himself while he speaks with a nervous edge in his tone. “Been thinking about what you asked.. About me staying..” With his gaze turned away, he doesn’t notice the way Admin tenses up. “I was thinking maybe we could try building something? You know, a place for me to stay here..” Lukas’ swallows the block forming in his throat just in time for his cheeks to turn about as pink as the wildflowers growing in the meadow around the willow. “With you..”

     Admin sits forward suddenly, his mangled and scarred brows furrowing as his face takes a nasty twist into heavy disagreement. He shakes his head with a deep, unpleasant scowl that makes the heart in the human’s chest plummet. 

     “Wh–what?” Lukas stutters. “But I thought you–... I thought you wanted me to stay,” his tone weighs heavy with the hurt in his heart. Admin’s expression stays intense, glaring the blond down before he’s snatching his journal up from his lap and writing something down. The longer he takes, the worse Lukas begins to feel. 

     The page the Admin shows Lukas next reads, ‘TrappEd’

     “Trapped?” Lukas shakes his head in bafflement. “What on earth do you mean by that?” 

     A growl of frustration. Admin’s dragging his own hand down the side of his shadowy blue complexion, then writes more. 

      ‘YO u StAy. You TrappEd.’

      Lukas searches the words for meaning, but it doesn’t take him long to understand where Admin is going with this.

     The hunters, if they were to ever find out Lukas is hanging out with the man they’ve been so long trying to capture, let alone kill, then they will surely have it out for him. To stay here in this forest with Admin would be a dream come true. He loves the world here, even for the short time he’s known it, he knows in his heart that this is the kind of place he’s destined to thrive in. A world flourishing with nature, protected by someone who too seeks to protect the environment. It would be a life Lukas can see himself settling down in, but that would come after his journey is complete. 

     If he were to be caught though, then that could mean that he too would be hunted, and without god powers, he’ll stand no chance against a squad of prestigious warriors with years, perhaps decades of combat experience compared to someone who has less than a week of experience in his boots. Trapped is the correct word for it, and… Lukas cannot be trapped if he is to ever finish his book. 

     “I see…” Lukas laments, feeling crestfallen no matter the logic behind the reasoning. Then, like the touch of redstone, an idea comes to light within Lukas that perks him right up. “Well, wait, what if you joined me instead?”

     The deity’s response is quite priceless. The way his jaw goes slack and shock sketches across his dark blue features. Lukas can’t help but chuckle, feeling a flurry of excitement with the idea. “Hear me out, okay? What if you and Berry come with me and we can finish my journey together? That way no one has to feel trapped here! And uh… I would really, really enjoy having your company.” Pink stains his cheeks all over again just at the thought. 

     They could travel together, just him, Admin, Dewey, and Berry! Make spots to camp out at, lay underneath the stars together, and even explore biomes with each other. To finally have someone by his side… Someone who makes Lukas happy , the idea is just too good to turn down. That, and maybe getting Admin away from BeaconTown will solve all his problems! That would leave those stupid hunters aimlessly searching for an already uncatchable creature who isn’t even there anymore.

     “You can finally be rid of those hunters, Admin. We’ll go far away, so far that they will never be able to track you down. So… ah, what do you say?” 

     The moment Lukas finishes the proposal, the Admin’s expression diminishes into something painful, making an uneasy feeling coil in the human’s gut. The deity slowly picks up his journal and writes, then applies heavy pressure in drawing a long dark line under a new, ‘No. ’

      Why is this day only getting worse and worse? Lukas sulks in his spot, staring down at the written expression of denial. He’s really got to stop letting himself get his hopes up.

     “B-but why?” Lukas’ tone is small, unable to understand.

     Admin writes, ‘I belong here.’

     “Why do you say that?”

     Tap tap tap

     ...

      ‘Monster.’

     Lukas reads the word and feels the deepest pang of sorrow he has ever felt resonate inside him. His posture deflates with the weight of the word pinning him down and keeping him from speaking his heart out. From speaking all the true feelings he feels towards the man who deems himself a monster . It’s all so… So unbelievable! Sadness, disbelief, frustration. 

     What those people have done to this man… The irreversible damages they have caused-! Burning down parts of this beautiful biome in a futile and most pathetic attempt to reach a god that cannot be seen by those he deems unworthy. So what if he looks different or… or has inhuman powers that no one else possesses? What on earth has those people thinking they are in the right for psychologically torturing this poor soul into feeling trapped here in the first place? Lukas’ heart aches, and he cannot stop himself from desperately asking.

     “Why… Why do they want to hurt you so bad?”

     Each wave of silence that follows Lukas’ questions are like a tidal wave crashing against the author. He can see this vacant look in the deity’s blackened eyes, how the glow in his own irises dim as he relieves himself of a heavy, deep chested sigh. There is no anger etched into his features. There is no annoyance or stress… There is an indescribable kind of sadness that Lukas can feel . The Admin slowly writes to him, taking his time and steadily writing this time…

      ‘I’ m SOrrY’

      Lukas’ confusion spikes as he stares at the paper. “Sorry? But… what for?”

      Tap tap tap…

     ‘EvEry thIng’

      “What…” Lukas’ eyes widened, readjusting to sit on his knees. “Admin you have nothing to–”

     A hand reaches out, gesturing for him to ‘stop’. Lukas clamps his mouth shut and watches as the deity takes his time now, writing something quite lengthy. This time, Admin is glancing at the page of letters while he writes. For this, Lukas is patient, and when he’s finally being shown the open side of the journal, his heart begins to melt. 

      ‘No. I Am SOrrY. You Are nic e. Kind to me. Im nOt saf e for you.’

      “But…”

      Tap tap tap…

     ‘I LiKe you. I do n ot wAnt to hurt you eve r Ag ain.’

      Lukas remains in a state of shock. He re-reads that sentence over and over and over again until the Admin is pulling the journal away and setting it down beside him. 

      There's no way he means that the way I think he does… does it? Lukas cannot help but question his own thoughts, not wanting again to get his hopes up for a false reality that will only end in heartbreak. 

     He spent all of yesterday afternoon, into the late evening, and well past midnight, thinking about just how much he likes Admin. The results startled him, how adventurous his mind would get when thinking of what might come of two people who like each other. He's not stupid, but he is in every way inexperienced. He knows what couples do, and trying to piece together images in his mind only lead to him blushing like a lovestruck fool and shaking his head away from the thoughts. There's just no way Admin means it like that. Lukas knows better. But he also knows…

     “I like you too…” He sighs. “And I'm… so relieved you like me too. I mean, jeez, I was worried for so long that you hated me. It made me want to do the best I can to be a better friend to you.”

     And what of the hurt Admin writes of? What happened the other day, Lukas feels as though he deserved it. He knows how wrong it was going along with the hunters, and he knew deep down he could just flee the scene, or at the very least make up some kind of excuse not to tag along, but creators, any opportunity at acquiring some kind of intel from the enemy is a substantial development in the progress of coming to understand what exactly it is that's going on between BeaconTown and it's bordering woodland. 

     That's why he stayed with them, but he was so wrong for it in the end. Admin was in no way out of line for feeling betrayed. Lukas’ hand moves on its own, feeling along his neck where the Admin’s powerful grip threatened to choke him that day. He didn't though, and in the end, they were able to hug it out and come to an even greater understanding of one another. And Admin still put effort into healing Lukas, something the author denied numerous times, yet the deity insisted on. 

     “I'm not upset with you about anything that happened the other day. You were right to be upset with me… Every time you've ever been mad at me, you were justified.” Lukas glances up at him, looking the Admin in the eyes, huffing a soft little laugh. “I'm just a dumb little human after all. I… still have a lot to learn about you, and I just hope one day, maybe… You'll feel comfortable enough to let me in.”

     ~ 

     There's a smirk that flashes upon the Admins expression, shifting from crestfallen to amused when Lukas refers to himself as a dumb little human. He believes Lukas is by no means dumb, but it is still amusing. Especially after feeling that warmth blossom inside him hearing that yes, Lukas does like him. While he to some degree knows this.. it’s something he could easily become addicted to hearing. 

     The Admin writes, ‘I trust. you a re comfor t. But cAnt. Not ye t.. Need time.’

     Lukas seems to not quite believe what he’s trying to convey. From his furrowed brow and determined expression, there's a glimmer that shines as Lukas shifts his gaze back to the Admin.

     “Not yet, huh?” Lukas says softly, casual and unassuming. Patience with a sense of relief, even if he knows the clock is ticking on his time in BeaconTown.

     Admin only nods as he raises the journal again to keep writing. His sense of awkward embarrassment lays dormant as he practices penmanship and proper spelling. If anything he enjoys it, truly wanting that skill to return to him. Truly yearning for the capability of communicating with Lukas on his level rather than just.. Always having issues with trust and hiding away in the shadows.

     He wants Lukas to know more, but it is very, very hard to express and share it with him. He needs Lukas to be free, to live out his dreams. Not to be sympathetic and stay where Admin must be, it wouldn't be fair.

     A good amount of time passes, the sun has shifted high in the sky. Opening the clouds to bring on the autumn cold and it's chilly winds. For someone so hefty and boring thick, protective gear, he hardly feels the wind aside from on his face.

     The wind pushes Admin’s hair from his overshadowed forehead, his curls bouncing back into place after a gust. The raising pages of his journal must be held in place until the Admin hears a brisk shiver and adjustment from Lukas. He turns his head and tilts it, Lukas is holding himself and rubbing his own biceps for warmth.

     “Jeez, when did it get so cold all of a sudden?” The author comments, the tip of his nose beginning to turn red and sniffly. Lukas is much smaller than Admin, thinner too. While his clothes look warm, Admin can tell they're much more tailored toward fashion rather than function.

     Neither of them want this day to end, especially Admin, so he comes up with an idea quickly, one that will benefit them both. 

     Admin sets the journal aside, letting the wind blow the pages as he grasps the straps nestled into his shaul that connect it to his armor. He unclips the metal buckle in the middle, then pulls it outward, tugging the connected dark leather straps off and allowing the thick garment to descend halfway behind his back. 

     He then pats the space beside himself, inviting Lukas in closer just before he pulls the shaul out. Without a word or preparation, once Lukas is right beside him, Admin tosses this mossy pelt around his shoulders. Shrouding him in the safety and protection of its thick, weaved fibers. The leaves and moss keep the wind from cutting through to his naturally warm skin and hold in all of his heat wherever the protection lays.

     Admin quickly writes, sloppy so he can get the first word in. ‘d bE tt e r now?’

     Lukas looks so taken aback, yet relieved to have this garment surrounding him. Its glowing, glittering moss harnesses his warmth and smell of Admin’s natural earthly scents.

     “Much..” Lukas nods. “Thank you.” He says with a comforted smile, taking his chances in scooting just an inch closer so he could peek at the page Admin’s been writing on. 

     “Looks like reading is helping a lot. I’ll bring more books tomorrow.. Do you want to hold onto any of these? They’re library books so I'll have to return them soon, but..”

     Admin takes in a deep, but nearly silent breath when Lukas comes closer. Adoring his warmth and scents, Admin is practically overcome with the urge to put his arm around the little human and keep him even closer. He nods to reply. Even if the reading is simple, writing is becoming important to him and it's been quite a long time since he’s read anything that didn't weigh on his mind. 

     “Okay! Cool..”  Lukas hums in unabashed delight. “Keep going.” 

     Admin does just that. He takes his time in curating each letter so he isn't held back by capital letters disrupting the middle of words. It gives the text a strange structure and tone, he wants to be clear in his conveyed messages. As clear as he can be, anyway. Grammar and punctuation are beyond his skill set for now, he knows he needs to focus on proper spelling. Alas, the alphabet itself as well.

     They fall into a comfortable silence, a long one at that. So long it brings Admin out of his focus, tuning into the warmth that's pressed up against his side. He turns his head just a bit and spies Lukas’ dropping head of hair. Admin feels no longer dormant heat rise to his cheeks as a realization dawns on him. 

     Lukas had fallen asleep-! For how long now?

     Lukas’ silent affection and comfort makes the Admin’s heart flutter. 

     After all that I have done to him…

     Admin sighs silently, his breath a thin white cloud streaming from pouty lips. This affection is more than enough to call for a break, it beckons his yearning for closeness and motivates his next actions. He puts the journal aside quietly and puts his arm around Lukas’ protected shoulders. Using his powers so as not to wake him, he adjusts himself and the slumbering man beside him until they're both laying on the ground together.

     Lukas moves easily, moving without hesitating and bringing himself closer than Admin could ever imagine. There's so much more than affection at play here between them. 

     Lukas turns his whole body and presses against the Admin’s side. His cheek pressed upon the dark leather chest plate and his little first balled upon the fabric on Admin’s thick flannel. He isn't snoring, but his lips are parted just enough for him to drool. 

     Admin himself is careful, nearly breathless with swirling emotions. This moment is something he’ll never forget. He stares down at Lukas and does everything he can to memorize how he looks and how this feels. It's wonderful, and by the creators he may even recognize it as blessed. 

     He then reaches over and tugs the cape over Lukas’ body again. The pretty blond snuggles into it and sighs after emitting a quiet grunt, rubbing his face against the armor to get even more comfortable.

     Admin doesn't move again, his gaze lingering on Lukas until he feels the breeze blow over them. He lays his head back in the grass and stares upward to the long, wispy vines of the willow tree where he watches them blow yet never tangle with the winds.

     The sun occasionally dappled through the vines, shining upon them in bright speckles. And the long grass will gently brush up against Admin’s side as he simply lays there and enjoys this private moment with this human he’s come to care deeply for.

     He raises his arm for a moment, going in to wrap itself around Lukas to hold him tight until a small flicker of reality stuns him.

      No.

     What is he doing? He can't.. do that. This. 

     He cannot take Lukas off the path that's laid out for him, he must control his wants and just.. let Lukas live his life. Not shroud it in confusion and emotions. The powers that entrap his heart lock in like a snare, withholding his yearning for closeness… to finally put an end to this decade long loneliness. His eyes glow as the sunlight dapples against his horribly scarred, inhuman blue skin.. 

     There is nothing normal about him. There is nothing in him for Lukas but a sense of company until the time comes where the author’s presence can stay no more. The offer Lukas laid out to him earlier is enough to make his blackened eyes glisten with emotion. His exterior shows no physical effects to the onslaught of devastation that comes with denying Lukas of his idea. What Admin would give just to experience a normal life once again. 

     To walk alongside Lukas… To protect him… To stand by his side as he riles himself up over discovering something new. Or how he would look if he were to excitedly show Berry the tidepools of the warm ocean biomes he spoke so passionately of. What he would give to lay beside him, just like this, with Dewey purring in his arms…

     What would it be like to sit beneath the stars and watch Lukas point out constellations once again?

     Jesse would lay there for hours and listen to Lukas talk and talk about the same things over and over, so long as it meant he didn’t have to be alone anymore.

     Jesse would close his glassy eyes whilst bearing a genuine smile on his face, and bask in the wonderful feeling. 

      But I’m not that man. Not anymore…

     So, Admin lays his arm back down and closes his eyes. Enjoying his time with Lukas for as long as it will last.

[hazardworld]

It’s that time again where i haven’t posted gay for awhile so all the bots start following me. Conveniently, it’s also WIP Wednesday, so here’s two WIPs for the world:

-------

1. Graduation

(As HS class of 23 also I claim the modern au kids as HS class of 23 because none of us returned to school after freshman spring break either)

Dustin groaned awake as his alarm blared in his ear. He scrubbed the sleep out of his eyes and squinted at the bright light of his phone screen—9:00 am—pressing the stop button.

He sat up and yawned, then reached for his glasses. The world came into focus as he put them on, both physically and mentally.

Today was May 26, 2023.

High School Graduation.

Dustin leapt out of bed, comforter flying. He put on his pajama pants and swept out of his room to the smell of breakfast food, specifically pancakes (or possibly waffles; the hard yet better option).

He was about to make his way out to grab a plate, but an alarm blaring further down the hallway caught his ear.

He made his way down to Max’s room, careful to open the door quietly. Her alarm was the worst one: the one that sounded like some sort of jail alarm, and it was always at max volume. Dustin plugged his ears (as best he could) and turned it off before shaking Max awake.

“Max, Max get up,”

A groan. Dustin rolled his eyes.

“Max, it’s grad day!!”

No response.

“Max,” Dustin smirked and whispered in her ear, “Lucas is wearing a sexy Sailor Moon costume,” he singsonged, and Max jolted awake.

Quickly, Max settled herself back down with a groan, and Dustin’s heart sank.

“Fucking fuck,”

“Wheelchair?” Dustin asked, resigned. Max had been trying to build up her strength the past few days to maximize the possibility of having an aid-free day. After 2 1/2 years of PT, aid-free days were just as common or crutch or wheelchair days, but planning one was near impossible. It was lucky Max had them in the first place anyway: she’d been told the day she woke from her coma that she’d never walk again.

What the doctors hadn’t realized was the best place for her to stay (one story, not in the middle of the woods, two people) was the Henderson home, and Henderson blood was some of the most stubborn around. Claudia and Dustin (plus Steve when he still lived with them, and the rest of the Party) all made sure Max got as much practice walking as she could get.

Max nodded solemnly, and Dustin grabbed the chair—the Party decorated it ahead, just in case—from the corner of the room. As he did so, Max put on her own glasses and re-sat up slowly.

“So, graduation. You ready?” Max smirked lazily, and Dustin raised his eyebrow.

“What do you think?” Max laughed, and seamlessly scooted herself into her chair.

“Push or no push?” Dustin asked.

“I’d take a chauffeur,” Max responded cooly, and Dustin pulled a section of her hair in retaliation. He was not a chauffeur. “HEY! Okay, okay, jeez. I should be fine,” Dustin nodded and walked towards the door so she could change.

Actually…he probably should too.

Stained pj pants and no shirt wasn’t really a look the school was looking for onstage.

“Call for Ma or me if you need anything,” Max rolled her eyes as she nodded, and Dustin left grinning. He made his way back to his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He grabbed the dress shirt and pants he’d washed and hung up the previous night from his closet. The dress shirt was a light lavender with small vertical stripes, and was brand new for the occasion. His dress pants were black, and the same dress pants he’d used for choir or any other special event for the past 4 years.

God…4 years. 4 years at Hawkins High and now it was all over.

His thoughts weee interrupted by a heavy bang-bang-bang on his wall.

Dustin rolled his eyes and grinned, zipping up his fly before going back to Max’s room.

“Pants?” He asked immedeately as he opened the door. Sure enough, Max was in her pink floral blouse and pajama pants, with her own pair of black dress pants laid haphazardly on her bed.

She nodded. “Pants.” Dustin nodded in response and shut and locked the door.

When Max had a moderate amount of pain or more, usually it meant she needed help getting her pants on. Sometimes there were days where she needed help with nothing or everything, but if she needed help usually it was just for pants.

Dustin lifted her out of her chair and squinted his eyes shut while holding her sturdy from behind.

“Done!” Came Max’s voice, and Dustin opened his eyes to help her back into the chair. Dustin snatched her palm gloves from her bedside drawer, and chucked them in her lap.

“Thanks, ass,” Max smirked and slipped on the gloves, and wheeled herself out the door Dustin held open for her.

The scent of heavenly fatty food wafted through Dustin’s nose once again as he followed his sister out to the kitchen. Ma had her back turned, frying up something—sausage or eggs, probably.

“Ma!” Dustin called, before noticing her earbuds in.

“We should not have introduced her to noise cancellation.” Max commented.

“Agreed. She’s deafer than Steve with those things in,” Ma had forced Steve to go see a ear doctor after she noticed him not hearing anything unless he was facing her---something Dustin regretted not noticing sooner. Apparently, all the concussions had lead him to being hard of hearing, which lead to him wearing hearing aids and everyone in the Party learning sign.

------

Sibling Summer Camp!

(A modern summer camp au with an inhuman twist. This excerpt is from the first chapter, where everyone is first arriving at camp.)

They parked and got out, walking to their luggage in the back. A few seconds into opening the van door, and another van raced past them, parking close on their right. Whoever was inside was blaring music, and singing along so loud Suzie could hear every word they said.

"Put your hands up and reach for the sky, CRY FOR ABSOLUTIOOOON!"

Rock music wasn’t Suzie’s fave, but yikes.

Suzie noticed their Florida license plate as the van shook to the song’s beat. 

Typical Floridians. Probably.

There were a bunch of various rainbow magnets and bumper stickers, though, so at least the rockers were safe. Their van was maroon and tan, though Suzie could see hints of washed off paint across the side and back. Had it been graffitied?

“Hey, Suze, a little help?” Oh, shit. Suzie pulled away from her people watching to help Argyle unload their suitcases. He had taken care of the larger few, but the smaller ones were all the way in the back. They were here for a month, after all, and while they were promised laundry service for their clothes, there were many things neither of them wanted to leave behind.

Suzie shuffled a bag sounding like a bunch of glass bottles, and paused, sighing.

“Argyle, how many bongs did you bring?” Argyle smiled and shrugged.

“I didn’t bring my whole collection, if you’re asking.”

She hit him with a glare.

“How many?” 

“…13?”

“YOU BROUGHT 13 BONGS?" Suzie exclaimed, and Argyle shrugged.

"Could be more, could be less, I dunno,"

Just because the two of them got on swimmingly didn’t mean they never got into disagreements. Usually, these disagreements had to do with bongs.

"Why are 13 ish bongs something necessary for camp! I’m sure you won’t even use half of them!” Suzie grumbled angrily. She couldn’t expect Argyle to not bring his stash, but an entire bag of 13 bongs??? In a state where recreational weed wasn’t even legal??

“I heard 13 bongs,” Suzie looked up, and standing at the mouth of the van was a lanky tall boy with the darkest color palette she had ever seen. Seriously, the black hair, band tank, and jeans were so stark against his pale skin, he almost looked like a vampire.

“Who the heck are you?” and “Wanna borrow one?” were said at the exact same time. Unluckily for Suzie, the boy only heard Argyle’s question, and not hers.

"Nah, I packed a few myself, but nice to know I’ll have a smokin’ buddy!" This guy—obviously from Florida—had southern slang with a midwest accent. Weird.

"EDDIE! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!" Called another voice, and Suzie’s question was answered. "YOU AREN’T LEAVIN’ ME TO DO ALL THIS WORK, YOU SLIMY SACK OF DICKS!" This was likely Eddie’s sibling, left to do all the work unloading their things. Argyle and Eddie exchanged goodbyes, and Eddie ran off to his sibling.

"I found a weed guy!" Argyle grinned, and Suzie shook her head while smiling. 

"Yes Argyle, you found a weed guy,” Suzie panned to the remaining luggage in the back, “now can we please get the rest of our bags out? Otherwise you won’t be seeing weed guy for a month,” Argyle nodded and started pulling the luggage onto the ground.

[capturingmyexperience]

Autism for 11 year old

vent about me and my daughter, is there any young adults who are autistic who can help shed light on this. my daughter is dwindling away in front of us unhappy shell of herself who wants to keep herself in her own we bubble.

so fast forward to a lot of trauma in school and we decided home education was the best avenue for her, now we are a year in and the reality has hit for her that nothing is getting better, I really wanted home ed to work for her but she won't engage with any groups or anything outside the house even the work she will do it for the tutor 2 hrs a week and thats ok I don't push it. the only reason she even has a tutor is she wants to give big school a shot which I'm baffled by, why go back to a system that helped break you in the first place but this is her journey and we have to support her decisions so we have to follow the curriculum and do our own thing and help her explore herself and herself as a person. we have found she needs structure and routine and doesn't know any other way than school etc. I think the going back to school idea is for friendships which we all know how hard that is in school. Im like you have all this at home and I have reached out to home ed children which has never amounted to anything as she does struggle to maintain socially, but I'm like there is a big world out there and other ways and she doesn't want to engage and I'm not sure why.

but she does not want to put any effort into making changes etc like accepting she struggles to sleep etc hence why she sleeps until 12 the next day and even thats hard waking her up.

through this and high levels on anxiety we are trying to work with her I know I'm putting my own trauma onto her by worrying that she's going to end up on anxiety medication as it never worked for me it just masked the person I was to fit into society, so what I'm trying to say is I'm trying every ave possible that could help her before medication today we were supposed to start on brain supplements which help low mood energy levels and all rounder for everything really. But that was a fail as I couldn't wake he up which ended up in a screaming match am I worrying to much about getting her into routine for school in sept? and I'm pushing to much? I obviously am and sometimes writing it out there answers your own questions. but I also feel like I'm failing her if I let her sleep most of the day and waste away to non existence.

we done face mask together last night we made a plan for today to clean her bed etc but that has all went to flop as she didn't want to wake up and face the day . she will not engage with anyone outside the house so even if I did ring drs to get her something to at least help her sleep she will not go she is strong willed and determined young girl and I don't want to knock that out of her and I was exactly the same at her age, you could not tell me what to do end off not matter who it was lol taste of my own medicine eyyyy lol.

yeah again if you get this far in my long mind posts well done cause I struggle myself to read others long posts lol but letting this go into space out of my own mind and hopefully my daughter will be in a much better place this time next year she doesn't realise that we care a lot even tho she thinks were nagging etc the love for you're kids is just something you cannot describe especially if you have struggled yourself and watching them struggle makes it tens time harder.

positive vibes it will all work out the way its supposed to

ps now I have re read my post and recognised I've wrote Im a lot I need to point the finger at myself and I'm letting all my own worries bury me on this journey and just wanting the best for her..

[episbep]

seven days clean (again)

against my will may I add lol- I’ve tried to pick up for the last 3/4 days to no avail which I am pleased about now that the worst of the cravings have passed but also that mental obsession is still here in full force and I just wanna get high despite being so aware and certain of how much better sober life was/is. I’m falling back into a life of addiction with short periods of sobriety, but that is not the same thing as recovery. I’ve basically stopped going to meetings, I don’t have a sponsor, I’m not working the steps…I’ve been drinking Smirnoff ice (???)…life definitely isn’t as bad as it was pre-rehab when I was using every single day but I’m still chasing drugs/intoxication…I’ve been mugged off for £100 lmao (it’s not rly funny tho is it the first time I sent over £60 and he aired me for almost 2 days then got back to me like ‘oh I got nicked with it sorry’ then the next day I sent another £40 and was another day til he got back in touch, apparently he’d slept the whole day and now he’s fallen off the face of the earth again hehe haha I’m a fucking mug🤪)

spending far too much time thinking about my ex and tryna see/speak to him as often as possible, eating like shit, gaining weight again, my skins a state, I haven’t worn makeup or nice outfits for weeks I’m just, idk I’m not progressing I’m not recovering I’m just not back in full blown active addiction yet but given the means and opportunity I have no doubt that I would be…

On the plus side things in the bigger picture are getting better, the consequences of my past use are subsiding, I’m able to cope day to day and convince others enough that I am making progress and not actively using. My house is clean, I’m attending relationship therapy and mood management groups, I’m getting back into the swing of day to day life but in a healthier way, not sleeping all day, not wishing I was dead…idk, I’m struggling to see the brighter side of things- I had an issue with re-ordering my prescription and only have 3 days worth left now so didn’t take it yesterday which evidently was a huge mistake, bc I’m spiralling now, I’m stressing out, I don’t feel good. (also period is imminent which never helps and there’s a full moon so yh)

[wanderingviera]

[ pillow ] sender pats the pillow next to them, encouraging receiver to climb in bed beside them (Haurchefant 🥺)

Dawn could not possibly be that far off. Despite the warnings of catching her death, Kenzie had spent a fair bit of the night wandering the wooded perimeters of Camp Dragonhead. Sleep was ever elusive, and she was naive enough to think that maybe the feelings of paranoia and guilt would fade the longer she spent time here. Knowing what was coming in the day ahead riled something within her though. 

Today they were due to enter Ishgard proper as wards of House Fortemps. They would be leaving the safety of Camp Dragonhead, and though they were promised the same in their new temporary home, Kenzie was not fond of the thought. The political game that waged simultaneously with the war on Dragons was intimidating enough. But, her companions and herself were refugees, and people were sure to turn up their noses and sneer. Ishgard may keep to itself, but she was certain the word of her criminal charges would have reached at least the three remaining high houses already. The name Gates of Judgment would be laughable if it were not so godsdamned ironic. 

Finally the Viera stopped pacing the high stone walls when the birds began rousing in the treetops, signaling that the first rays of light were not far off from peeking over the horizon. It would be hard enough to keep Tataru from fretting today without knowing she had not slept, and she was not quite in the mood for another motivational speech that sounded more like a lecture from Alphinaud either. If she snuck back now and crawled into bed, she may even miss the soldiers milling about for the sunrise changing of the guard. A few winks of sleep would do her good, the energy would be needed for the pageantry to come. At least that was what Kenzie told herself as she re-entered the building that housed the remaining Scions and a few members of camp that were higher up the chain of command. 

As suspected, all was quiet. Her only companions were the flickering oil lanterns on the wall, lighting her path through the command room and back to the common area, where the stairs would take her to the upper levels. On her way through, her gaze flickered to Lord Haurchefant’s desk. It was odd to see the high-backed wooden chair empty, but it did not surprise her. In fact, she was thankful the Knight Commander was getting rest for once it seemed. 

Residual warmth from the large hearth in the common room began to thaw her, bringing relief to her frozen ears and nose. Getting warm would be difficult given how long she had spent out in the frozen dark, but she couldn't complain too much when she had done it to herself. Gloves were discarded and shoved into the pocket of her thick woolen coat as she approached the fireplace. Her hands stretched out before her, trying to warm them faster, but as the heat licked along her skin it left not much but tingling ache in its wake. Just as quick as she shoved her hands outward, Kenzie withdrew all together, opting to warm them by cupping her hands over her mouth and blowing hot breaths into them. The process was much slower, but it was less painful, so she would have to settle for it. 

Who knew how long she stood there basking in the warm glow of fire before turning on her heel, deciding to head for the stairs. Kenzie hardly made it a step when she froze all together, halted by the sleepy-eyed Elezen that silently greeted her on the steps. It seemed Haurchefant was not resting like she believed or hoped. 

Of all the possibilities, she was thankful it was him who caught her sneaking about in the wee hours of the morning. The kindhearted man was not prone to questions, and it seemed now was no exemption. Instead of speaking, all he did was search her face with heavy eyes and a sleep-addled smile. It was almost enough to make her sigh a breath of relief. One look was all it took to know Haurchefant saw her, reading her like an open book. He saw her worrying, freezing, exhausted. And instead of interrogating her or lecturing her, he simply waved a hand for Kenzie to follow as he turned and began making his way back up the stairs to the private quarters.

The moments that followed were confusing, but Kenzie didn't dare speak. Noise would likely wake her companions and bring them to the halls, and that was the last thing she wanted at present. Instead she wordlessly followed Haurchefant as he led her the way opposite of her own accommodations. If she had even an onze of brain power left, maybe she would have hesitated at the door her companion held open for her. It was his room. Not as if she would be able to guess by the decor, or lack thereof. But where else would he have taken her? 

The realization of where she was finally hit her when she stood nearly in the middle of the room, taking in the sights of a place she surely should not be. His bed was stationed against one wall, a fireplace took up nearly the entirety of the wall opposite, to the side of the hearth sat a threadbare sofa, and finally a wooden armoire stood against the wall near the door. Finally when she gained the cognizance to speak, Kenzie turned back to search for Haurchefant behind her. 

She nearly expected to find him at the door, but the knight had knelt at his armoire to pull clothing from the drawer that ran the width of the bottom. When he rose, he offered what appeared to be a spare set of sleep clothes with an outstretched hand. The most explanation she would get came in grumbled whispers when she took them with a raised brow. “I will not look, nor do you have to change, but I think you may be comfortable in something a bit more warm and dry. You may lay your coat out near the fire, it should dry by the time you wake.” With that, the pale-haired Elezen made his way back to his bed, climbing under the thick layers of covers. Haurchefant rolled to his stomach with a quiet grunt, his face toward the wall, and eyes closing just as promised.

Kenzie contemplated his kindness for a moment, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot where she stood. But her desire to be warm eventually won. As quietly as she could, she undressed near the fireplace, doing as told and laying her coat out on the stone floor before it. The rest of her clothing was carefully removed and folded, the stack left on one side of the couch and her boots sat before it. The top given to her was much too large, the sleeves covered her hands and the bottom hem reached far enough to excuse it as a dress. The pants were not much better, but she was thankful for the cord at the waist, allowing her to cinch them in place to keep them up on her hips.

“I-” Kenzie started when she was no longer sure what to do, but she was quieted when Haurchefant shifted, moving his head to face her and peek a bleary eye open. She was still so far from his bed. A hand emerged from under the covers and patted the spare pillow beside him, before he drew back the layers of covers for her expectantly. “Whatever plagues you, my friend, it must wait till morning. You need your rest, come.” Even when groggy with sleep, Haurchefant's words were true and stalwart. 

Kenzie knew there would be no room for argument, nor did she have the will to do so at this hour. Once more she did as told, crawling into the slightly too small bed and letting the knight toss his covers over her as she settled on her side facing the fire. He may be inviting her into his bed to warm herself and rest, but she didn't dare encroach on his space, giving him plenty of room while she laid near the edge and watched the flames dance on the other side of the room. It was not the most comfortable way to lay, but she would gladly take it. Being here was safe, comforting, now if only she could manage to drift off to sleep with someone so dear to her laying so close…

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary138

1/30-31/2024

tomorrow: the final day.

of moving. and then after that: the first day of working. or just orientation. orientation is probably gonna tell me how to not die if there's a shooting. that's funny to think about. there was a shooting in the shopping zone right next to that place, before, so it's possible. i don't think anyone died i think it was just a fucked robbery thing. they lit up party city i think? fucked up i guess. they can't party anymore.

today was relaxed cuz we didn't move stuff, we just organized a bit, i put a rack together for coats. it had these funny male-male screws, never seen them before, strikes me as a weird thing but maybe it's sturdier, i hope it is, the last thing we had like this was so insane and wobbly, slanted like crazyyyy.

i've been adjusting the problem song still, it's getting very good, the issue for me now is a good one, trying to get it a little more disgusting sounding, messed up distortion stuff, hoping this works well, and if it does i will have a better process for this later on. i could try sin waveshaping but that'd be a bit much, i'm just bumping up some distortion values + messing with the spring reverb settings cuz they're like tone knobs basically, fun stuff w/ reverb into distortion. it's such a fun hack. another idea, the classic lossy effect rack thing maybe on the high end guitar. just for some scrape on it. if it's not good after this pass, i'll sleep on that i think. patience is paying off here.

i also basically completed a draft of the trailer music... very excited about that, it kind of came together, it's very weird, idk if it's good at all, but it's like this fucked up industrial thing, it has one sound i really really like in it, some others too, actually, so i'll probably pilfer that and use them certain places.

spent a lot of today w/o internet, just decided to shut off, this is free internet we get while we move, from the building, so that's okay i'm not very upset about that, and the internet is so basically bad anyways, not having it felt almost the same, maybe better, cuz i just focused on other things, but it made it impossible to send out the demo. but it made finishing the demo (roughly) possible.

i did mess with the song more, actually, i am currently not sleeping on it.

1 more tiny adjustment.. and i should be good.

all our friends are gonna be helping us move tomorrow, i am excited to see them, i am very grateful, for this, and for them, i am also grateful to my gf's family of course, but they also create a lot of insane stress.

he brother now is talking about using his middle name instead of his first. to become a new person, he's saying it's a new chapter in his life. he is thomas now. which is great because that is one of my closest friend's names. he will probably see him tomorrow, and re-introduce himself, forgetting that he introduced himself to him before. whatever. i can call him that if it makes him happy. maybe it will make his life better. who knows.

anyway, i need to sleep to be ready for tomorrow, and then the day after, i kind of need to sleep to be ready for every day of my dumb life (funny, not sad).

so

byebye!!!!!!!!!

[grappel-writes]

Re: Previous Ask Post

HUGE Writing exercise answering a bunch of character building questions about my Tav, Orion, under the cut.

His go to drink order is beer, but it better be good. Things like an unfiltered wheat beer flavored with cardamom or an oatmeal stout. If it's more than $7 a glass at a gastropub, he's all about it. Could be persuaded into wine with company.

On his own and separated from his parents' bank account, his money now goes to armor, weapons, and the keep and care of them. This isn't just for fun. He's learned with the best equipment and knows how deadly poorly fitting armor and a dull blade could be. They need every advantage they can get, and if he has the means to make sure no one ever has to worry about a loose hilt or boots that slide in the mud, he just sees that as another way to take care of his little crew. Outside of that, he's always willing to splurge on little luxuries like finer fabrics and meals.

His grooming routine is more involved than most. He keeps his hair pulled back when fighting, so he has to walk the fine line of keeping it long enough for that, but not so long it gets in his way the rest of the time. His nails are kept short, and care is taken that there's no jagged surfaces or wild cuticles as best as he can manage. Just because they're traveling the wilds doesn't mean they have to look the part. His right hand (sword hand) is more calloused than the other, especially on the inner edge of the palm/index finger. Not much to be done about that, and he kind of likes that it gives way his experience when shaking hands with someone in polite society. Less so on the road and in survival mode, but usually he trains regularly and maintains a balanced, useful build. Both for vanity and practicality. He looks forward to one day indulging and feeling like he doesn't have to maintain that, but for now, it's necessary. He also refuses to go to sleep dirty. Will drag himself after even the hardest days to at least a wash basin and rag before he sleeps covered in road dirt and gore. He keeps a backup change of clothes that are at least presentable in cases of emergency.

Before he got worm'd, he didn't have any significant scarring. He's racked them up over the journey, though. A burn on his right calf from the grymforge, a jagged one over his right pec where he was bit so hard by a spectator. his armor cracked and cut into him, and of course, two faint dots on the left side of his neck. They're uneven from repeated abuse but easy to miss on an initial glance. He's also littered with other very faint scars from various battles that will likely be gone in the next decade.

The right side of his neck has an intricate flower tattoo, punishment of his brother's lost bet. He keeps it covered when possible with high neck collars.

In armor or out, Orion wears the same bespoke leather boots he has for years. He maintains them himself, scratching the soles for extra traction when needed, and replacing the soles altogether when that no longer works. They have straps for interlocking with sabatons, and wouldn't dare to switch them out while in dire circumstances like these. He's so calibrated to these, and extension of himself, that something as slight as stiffer leather could throw off his calibration. Better to stick to what he knows.

Last time he cried was 10 days before his abduction. His brother and childhood best friend announced their engagement, and while he was outwardly their biggest supporter, he broke apart later that night. Oddly, it was the first time he cried about the ordeal. When they began courting and discussing marriage, he was fine. The announcement made it too real. This was the first time he cried as an adult. It's difficult to move him to tears.

He's the youngest child, with a half brother that is 5 years older. He's his father's second son and his mom's only son. There was a brief time where he lived with his mother when he was very young as an only child, but she wanted the stability of the city for him, and he's lived with his dad, stepmother, and stepbrother ever since. Baldur's Gate is what he would consider home, even if he has fond memories of "camping" with his mom.

His brother, Dallin, has always been his idol and best friend. Even as they grew older and began to develop opposing ideas on how Baldur's Gate should be protected and lead, Orion always yielded to his brother's insistence.

Favorite holiday is Greengrass - the holiday that welcome the return of good weather, the sun, new beginnings, and renewal. Lathander is revered by the house, and this holiday holds special weight to their family (and many other Baldurian families). He spends the morning in quick, private prayer, before joining festivities outside in the city.

His bedroom at the family home is smaller, cozy. It looks befitting the house and name. He's got a four-poster bed that dominates the space, a large window that points to the back patio and topiary garden (and a small training yard). The fireplace in the room is small, and the floor is tiled, but a large rug covers most of it. Squeezed in where they can fit is an armoir and weapons rack. Compared to the rest of the house, it's obvious that this room was an afterthought. Before him, it was a sunroom for entertaining guests during daytime gatherings. All the other bedrooms are upstairs, and he's located right next to the kitchen, so the noise of the staff getting things ready for the day has been his alarm for as long as he remembers. At camp, he's secured a round marquee tent, light brown, and attached a small fly to the front to extend the habitable area of it. Flags hang off the edge of the tent in goldenrod yellow. Inside is a cot, with basic belongings stored underneath. This includes a box full of his clothes, a basket full of dry goods, and a box containing towels, bandages, and polishing rags. If they're stained with blood, oil, or polish, it's probably best not to ask. Rugs spill from the inside to the outside, laid down and overlapping haphazardly. In front, he's got a nicked up wooden table, adorned with a map held in place with a knife. Small baubles and coins are used as place markers on the map to work through battle drills and strategies. Master of the battlefield, just don't ask him to navigate. Next to the table and entrance to his tent are a pile of pillows (some with elaborate embroidery that's obviously much newer than the pillow itself). This is where he sits to repair armor, mend leather straps, and sharpen blades. There's always enough room next to him for an elf working on the knee of a pair of pants to comfortably fit.

Like any good fighter, Orion always keep a knife on him. He has smaller, more delicate ones for polite events, and a large dirk carried horizontally on the back of his belt for all other situations. Additionally, he keeps his wallet and any valuables inside his clothes. Perhaps a bit paranoid, but he's seen too many rogues work to allow himself to be an easy target. He knows he'd be mocked relentlessly if he fell victim to a pickpocket.

[aikasjournal]

Journal #8 - 8.16.23

I am going crazy. Crazy with worry and no one with the patience of a saint to listen to me. I cannot stop obsessing over my daughter possibly having ASD. I'm so scared. I keep googling these fucking symptoms, I keep going down the rabbit hole of AskReddit forums of parents who had the same worries as me. Whenever I read a negative outcome, the more I get this sinking feeling in my stomach that something is wrong with Noa.

Let me be honest and recount the stuff that's been bothering me. She has recently turned one year old and:

she's still not babbling properly. no mamamama, no dadadaadada. no canonical babbling. even the sporadic "ma" and "da" and "ba" were gone. she doesn't make any of those sounds anymore. she used to babble a bit back in June.

she has some ticks, repetitive movements with her hands, not sure if these are "stims"

she doesn't understand "give" nor does she bring any of her toys when I ask her to or just for the sake of trying to show it to me. she doesn't have much of "joint attention."

she doesn't mimic any of the words/sounds I tell/read to her. no meow, no woof, no mama, no dada. not even attempts of trying to copy these sounds

she can't keep still. she is mostly just standing, walking, falling all day every day.

she doesn't point or do any gestures I ask her. she has recently learned "wave" but I don't think she understands what it is. she copies our gestures sometimes. clap and high five are both hit and miss.

she is more interested in mundane things as toys like diaper cream, remote control, laptops, cellphones, hangers, paper wrappers

she is not very interested in books, or being read to

she does not seem to understand when I try to teach her sign language. when she wants something she consistently just screams/cries instead of pointing or possibly trying to sign with us

she doesn't do pretend play just yet

What about positives?

she answers to her name about 60 percent of the time

she turns and looks for noise/sounds

she plays peek a boo but mostly her smiling trying to look for us

she does look for us when we hide

she has good eye contact

she copies some of the gestures we show her, although not consistently

she smiles and laughs with us

she is curious about new people

she can sometimes sleep through the night

she is working on her walk

she is very interested in our dog Elmo

she can sometimes correctly "go to" the things I ask her like Doggy the Dog, or Dillon the Duck but no pointing

she eats just okay

she reaches out to us when she wants to be picked up

she cries when we leave the room

she smiles when we re-appear or come back home from outside

she engages with us when we play with her

she likes to snuggle and seems affectionate most days

I don't know why I fear ASD so much. It's hard for me to be extremely honest about it but it seems like

[rebelwrites]

Winner Takes It All || Six Ready For A Fight

Charles Leclerc x Valentina Hendrix (OC)

Winner Takes It All Masterlist

Summary: Valentina feels like she is reaching breaking point.

As always reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated ❤️ if you want tagging in future parts let me know ❤️

The car slowly came to a stop, pulling up onto the driveway of the Leclerc house. The sight of Charles’ ferrari caused my stomach to churn. This was it, there was no going back now. Taking a deep breath I pulled the hood further over my head hoping that if I made myself small enough everyone would forget that I was in the car but I wasn’t so lucky.

I felt Mum take my hand in hers giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s time sweetheart.” she hummed. “Things will be okay.”

But they wouldn’t, how could they expect me to be in the same room as him and still enjoy Christmas, one of my favourite times of year. I stayed frozen in the seat as I watched everyone pile out of the car. I thought I was going to puke as I saw Arthur and Lorenzo appear on the front porch, followed by Pascale, Charles and Becky.

“Sortez de la voiture. Get out of the car.” Pierre said, re-appearing by your side.

“Je ne peux pas, Pear. I can’t, Pear.” I whimpered, hiding my face in my hands. “It’s too much.”

“Just take a deep breath.” Pierre whispered, taking my hands pulling them away from my face. “How about we make a deal?”

Raising my brow at him I was intrigued, whenever Pierre made a deal it was normally a good one.

“I might have preempted that things would get too much for you so I have booked a hotel room for you.” he nodded, brushing his thumb over my hand. “But you have to put on a brave face and stick out the next three days okay. We spend Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day together and if you need to dip out to the hotel.”

Letting out a shaky breath, I pulled my hands away from Pierre's, wiping my cheeks in case any tears had fallen.

“Okay, just three days though.” I nodded, unclipping my seat belt, finding the strength to climb out of the car.

It felt like all eyes were on me, which was true. Taking another deep breath I slammed the car door behind me, before pulling the hood down.

Always hold your head high, no matter the situation.

Jules’ words rang through my mind, running my fingers through my hair. I felt Pierre wrap his arm around my shoulders as he guided me to the porch where everyone was waiting.

The moment I was within reaching distance I felt Pascale pull me into the tightest hug possible. Wrapping my arms around her I hugged her back. I realised that I had missed Pascale’s hugs and her warmth in general.

“C'est bon de te voir, mon petit ange. It's good to see you, my little angel.” she whispered, against my hair. She leant back slightly pressing kisses against my cheeks. “Have you been keeping well?”

“Yes, Maman.” I nodded, my voice was quiet as I spoke, scared that if I spoke any louder I would break. “Glad to have a break if I am being honest. Last season was brutal.”

“As long as you are eating and sleeping.” she hummed, raising her brow at me.

“Don’t worry, no more fad diets for me.” I nodded, feeling myself getting pulled away from Pascale and into a bone crushing hug from Arthur and Lorenzo.

I couldn’t help but laugh as they practically squeezed the life out of me. It was safe to say they had missed me and the truth was I had missed them.

“Trous du cul, je ne peux pas respirer. Assholes, I can't breathe.” I chuckled, digging my elbows into their ribs.

“Loving the hair, bear.” Lorenzo smirked, running his fingers through it. “Brunette always suited you.”

“Thought I would go back to the old me, you know.” I shrugged, wiggling out of their grasp, tossing my head back and quickly tying my hair into a messy bun.

“Hopefully, not the trouble maker that drove us round the goddamn bend.” Arthur winked, draping his arm over my shoulder, guiding me into the house.

I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief that they had helped me avoid Charles. I knew I couldn’t avoid him for the entire time we were here but at least I wasn’t bombarded the moment I arrived.

“Maintenant bébé Leclerc, tu as dit que tu avais une bouteille avec mon nom dessus. Alors donne-moi la marchandise et que la fête commence. Now baby Leclerc, you said you had a bottle with my name on it. So give me the goods and let's get this party started.” I grinned, starting to feel a tiny bit more settled, maybe being back in the house I spent a lot of my childhood would do me good.

“Thought you had a hangover?” Pierre questioned, raising his brow at me.

“Si je veux passer les trois prochains jours, j'ai besoin d'alcool. If I want to get through the next three days, I need alcohol.” I shrugged, narrowing my eyes at him. The moment Arthur returned with a large bottle of champagne I smirked, pushing past Pierre wrapping my fingers around the neck of the bottle prizing it out of Arthur’s grip.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Charles leaning against the door frame of the kitchen, a sad smile on his face as he watched me pull the bottle to my lips downing the champagne.

I knew this wasn’t the thing to do but it was the only way I knew how to cope in these situations.

I went into self destruct mode.

Hours had passed, the champagne bottled was being passed between myself and Arthur. I was definitely feeling tipsy which was making being here a little easier, well I thought it was until Charles and Becky joined me and Arthur outside.

I felt myself sinking down trying to make myself as small as possible and tried to avoid eye contact with Charles but that proved harder than I thought as he sat directly in front of me, right in my eyeline.

“So you been keeping well?” Charles asked.

“Yuup.” I nodded, pulling the bottle to my lips, this was awkward. I could feel Becky staring into my soul, turning my gaze to her. I couldn't help but scoff, it looked like she was sucking on a lemon. “You got a problem?” I spat, causing Arthur to wince.

“Yeah, you.” she huffed, folding her arms across her chest. “You shouldn’t even be here! You are just spoiling Christmas. For everyone.”

I could feel my blood boil at her words. This was my family no matter what had happened between me and Charles in the past. Slamming the bottle down on the table, my fingers balled into a fist as I rose to my feet.

If this bitch wanted a fight then she had messed with the wrong girl. I was ready to rip her to bits.

“You have a fucking nerve.” I growled, cracking my knuckles stepping around the table. I wasn’t afraid to square up to some skank. My heart was pounding against my chest and my ears were ringing from the anger that was buzzing inside of me. I was ready for a fight. “You are the one that doesn’t belong here bitch. This is my fucking family, it always has and always fucking will be no matter the history.”

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Charles get up, rushing to my side. The look on Becky’s face was priceless seeing Charles come up to me and not her.

“I will fucking end you, bitch.” I screamed in her face, feeling Charles wrap his arms around my waist pulling me off her.

“Wouldn’t be the first time, would it?” she smirked, checking her nails.

“Excuse me!!” I growled, trying to lunch for her but Charles’ grip around my waist was too strong.

“You heard me.” She said, rolling her eyes. “If you wanna play games with me I can end your career within a matter of seconds.”

I found myself thrashing about in Charles’ arms, trying to get out of his hold but it was no use, he was stronger than me. I felt him pick me up, carrying me inside away from his girlfriend.

“Get the fuck off me, Leclerc.” I growled, thrashing about even more. He finally released his grip from my waist and I had to hide the disappointment from the lack of his touch. The moment he let go of me I tried to make a run to the back door.

Once again he was too quick and his arms were wrapped around me, his grip was tight but he refused to let go.

“Allez Valli, s'il te plaît calme-toi. Come on Valli, please calm down.” he whispered against my hair. “Ça n'en vaut pas la peine. It's not worth it.” His voice was soft as he tried to calm me down.

I needed him off me, I couldn’t take his arms being around me after all these years have passed. My heart was racing at the speed of light, I hated how his touch still sent me into a frenzy. Taking a deep breath I stopped trying to fight knowing it was the only way to get him off me.

Once I had calmed down he removed his arms from around me, the moment I was free I shot across the kitchen trying to get my breathing under control. Automatically I hid my head in my hands letting out a muffled scream.

“Valli,” Charles whispered, resting his hand on my arm.

“Ne me touche pas, putain ! Don't fucking touch me!” I growled, shoving him away. “Everything is your fucking fault.”

“I’m sorry, Valentina.” he said, looking down at his trainers. “For everything.”

Pascale and Pierre came rushing into the kitchen, their eyes widening at me and Charles.

“Of course you fucking are.” I screamed, pulling my hair free from the bun before running my fingers through it as angry tears streamed down my cheeks. “I bet you fucking love this don’t you, me being here so you can fucking rub things in my face.”

Pierre wrapped his arm around Charles shoulders guiding him out of the kitchen as Pascale pulled me into her arms. Her soothing touch on my back was helping me regain control of my breathing.

“Maman, je ne peux plus faire ça. Mum, I can't do this anymore.” I cried into her shoulder. “Je ne pensais pas que ça allait être aussi dur. Comment suis-je censé le voir chaque week-end de course sans me sentir aussi brisé. Je pensais en avoir fini avec lui. I didn't think it was going to be this hard. How am I supposed to see him every race weekend without feeling so broken. I thought I was done with him.”

“Valentina, qu'est-ce que tu racontes ? Valentina, what are you talking about?” she whispered, running her hand through my hair.

“Maman, I got into Formula One,” I sniffled, pulling away from her, wiping my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie. “No one knows yet, well Mum, Dad and Pear does but we are keeping it under wraps until the week before testing. I’m an Alpha Tauri driver, Maman.”

She stood there staring at me for what felt like forever before she threw her arms around me in an even tighter hug.

“Je savais que tu pouvais le faire, mon petit ange. Je suis tellement fière de toi. I knew you could do it, my little angel. I am so proud of you.” she cried, planting lots of little kisses against my cheeks. “Oublie Sharl, tu me comprends ? C'est peut-être mon fils, mais sur le circuit, tu ferais mieux de lui botter le cul pour avoir été assez stupide pour quitter la meilleure chose qui lui soit arrivée. Forget about Sharl, you understand me? He may be my son, but on the track, you better kick his ass for being stupid enough to leave the best thing that ever happened to him.”

A small laugh escaped my lips, I knew Pascale would end up being one of my biggest fans.

“Why don’t you call it a night, try and get a decent night's sleep.” she hummed, once again running her fingers through my hair. A proud smile permanently planted on her face as she spoke. “I promise you will feel better after a good rest, we all know this is your favourite holiday so it would be a shame to let that bitch get under your skin.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her words, she hated Becky as much as I did.

Maybe she was right, maybe I just needed a good night’s sleep, tomorrow was Christmas Eve afterall.

@chibsytelford @dragon-of-winterfell @ohthemisssery @a-distantdreamer @sgkophie @stillbreathin @angywritesstuff @miamedyu @enchantedbytomandhenry @scribbuluswrites @dangerouspursepeachbear @micks-afterglow @livo67 @buendiabebeta @pleasedontfollowinlost @ferrarifwendvale @hungryhungarian @theplobnrgone @charlesleclercje @sunf1owerrq @queenslife @panicforspec @inesramoss30 @justme2042 @liv67 @sessgjarg @derpinathebrave @idkiwantchocolatee @littleobsessionsandlifeslessons @alynoa @clcspeonies @pleasantducktimetravel @organasith @inchidentwithmax

[sapphicwhxre]

ASTERIA'S 2.5K FOLLOWER FIC REC LIST

i read fics just as much as i write them so here are some of my favourites. tysmsm for this milestone, i love you all <3 quick note: i didn't re-tag anyone if i recommended more than one of your works because of the tag limit.

───────── girls ─────────

hermione granger

tuesdays - @stupxfy

probably one of my all time favs for hermione. it's just so well written and adorable and fluffy and yes.

if i could tell her - @hellounicorn

pining, pining, PINING. the way these emotions and hermione's described is just... art. perfection. there's a happy ending and it is so worth the build up.

darling dearest - @dracolvr

fluffy goodness. read to be hopelessly in love with hermione ─ which, let's be real, we all are.

november rain - @pansydaisy

uhm i love this one sm. it's so simple but amazing ─ everyone has their days like this and having hermione to cure them? it's what everyone needs.

i need more - @15-dogs

i sobbed the first time i read this. it'll break your heart but it's so amazingly written that it's worth the sadness. actual gut wrenching / mindblowing writing.

how the potter girls react to you in lingerie - @pottersanime

the title. need i say more?

honeyed eyes - @minty-malfoy

HEAVEN. being hermione's first kiss as friend? but both of you idiots liking each other? oh my god, sign me up.

hugging her from behind - @pastanest

again, the title. read to feel 🥺💙

grey days - @pepperimps01

PANSMIONE 😌😌 it's angsty with a happy ending and i love it sm. this does such a perfect job of capturing pansy and hermione's relationship growing and having its ups and downs with just a few paragraphs. honestly so good

grenade - @hellounicorn

another one that'll make your heart shatter. but in the best way. these are the fics i live for where the you can't help but feel like it's really happening to you and hermione and god it's so fucking powerful. underrated writing right here in general. and also pansmione is the loml so it hurts in that way.

honeybees - @pansydaisy

fluffy aesthetic heaven.

lead the way - @teacup-tai

more pansmione but this is pure filthy thinking and satisfies all the sexual tension dreams pansmione shippers have.

two queens in a king sized bed - @shysneeze

domestic christmas morning with hermione and it's angelic.

would you still love me if i turned into a worm? - @minty-malfoy

one of those blurbs i never imagined i'd read or love so much. not to mention it's spot on and adorable.

pansy parkinson

right and wrong - @starrkidmalfoy

a first kiss and the overdone trope that i will never get sick of, the bitch who's soft only for you. the descriptions in this are perfection and the writing is beautiful <3

messed up - @writseo

toxic, messed up love fics will be the death of me. insane how well you captured it all and i just yes damn fucking props.

pansy parkinson imagine - @moonlight-imagines

*screams* THE BEST FRIEND BANTER + THE ENDING OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ─ I SCREAMED WHEN I FIRST READ THIS. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

dating pansy would include - @lotsoffandomimagines

ABSOLUTE POWER COUPLE SHIT and to this day, pansy saying "jealous much?" when being scolded for pda remains iconic.

grey days - @pepperimps01

as i said before: PANSMIONE 😌😌 it's angsty with a happy ending and i love it sm. this does such a perfect job of capturing pansy and hermione's relationship growing and having its ups and downs with just a few paragraphs. honestly so good

new rules - @silversslytherin

excuse me this is immaculate ─ pansy is the best friend and the second you see that she's also the best s/o, you're done for. perfection.

study "dates" - @turning-dreams-into-chaos

the title is self explanatory and this whole thing is fluffy heaven <3

how the potter girls react to you in lingerie - @pottersanime

read the title, thank me later.

lead the way - @teacup-tai

more pansmione but this is pure filthy thinking and satisfies all the sexual tension dreams pansmione shippers have.

traitor - @hufflepuff-writings

a masterpiece where pansy chooses the wrong side in the battle of hogwarts. this ties up so well and the writing is so powerful.

back alley love potions - @a-simple-imagine

this actually hurts but in a beautiful way. watching pansy give draco a love potion is such a fucking concept and this is executed incredibly.

my little bunny - @emmamarie7708

pansy making you do this is so dirty yet she's slightly sweet and i am a sucker for it. god is a woman and her name is pansy fucking parkinson.

pansy parkinson imagine - @moonlight-imagines

i'll let pansy beat people up for me all day. they put me in madame pomfrey's, feel my girlfriend's wrath.

ginny weasley

blissful - @enyastasia

fluffy ginny goodness. the friends to lovers? the amazing kiss? 🥺🥺🥺💞💞 this fic lives in my heart <3

bubble pop electric - @hunnypot-imagines

this is hotter than a lot of actual smut and the chemistry is so... wow. ginny weasley owns me.

dear ginny - @alyssamalfoy

how does this short ass letter manage to make me feel so much. it's sorcery but i don't even care, it's beautiful.

wildflower - @pansydaisy

will i ever get tired of cheeky i love yous? not when loves like ginny weasley and ayli's so so pretty writing exist.

all i want - @hellounicorn

ouch. fuck you harry :) quite possibly the best ginny fic i have ever read. insanely talented writing, i genuinely feel every touch of emotion you put down and you need to know how amazing that is. keep breaking my heart.

linny hcs - @bluebirdlinginthenest

who doesn't need good linny content in their life?

how the potter girls react to you in lingerie - @pottersanime

sexy bitch, fuck me up.

willow - @padmeamiala

ginny is the loml. her brothers can cry about it.

bellatrix lestrange

attempting to bake with bellatrix - @carters-coffee

MY FAVOURITE BELLA FIC ─ there's not enough bellatrix fluff out there but this makes up for the lack of. heaven.

bellatrix prompt - @carters-coffee

this gives me chills. she knows she's a bad bitch and that's what we love about her.

change of plans - @dumb-sbian

why THE FUCK have i not had a rainy morning with bellatrix? she can sleep and mumble something just like this and i'm still head over heels for her.

being tortured as bellatrix's girlfriend - @writings-of-a-british-fangirl

definitely a concept BUT this makes me feel some type of way and i recommend giving it a minute of your time 😌

bellatrix finding out you're a muggleborn - @carters-coffee

the beauty, the nuance omg. this is art.

bellatrix prompt - @carters-coffee

yep jealous bella. trust me, im all yours mommy <3

sex with bellatrix would include - @onegayastronaut

so short but... sign. me. up.

luna lovegood

never leave - @/deactivated

luna smut is hard asf to come by and this is my favourite. it's so luna and the pain over her not knowing, not getting that closure about how you feel until this is an amazing rollercoaster.

she - @hunnypot-imagines

the beauty of falling in love with luna, through this majorly talented writing. ten out of fucking ten. i will not elaborate but there's also majorly good association in this imo.

silver berries and flickering fireflies - @duskgrangers

i love this fic so much. she's so herself and that is why we ✨ simp ✨ and the scene set just sounds so prettyy

how the potter girls react to you in lingerie - @pottersanime

luna + this title? yes please, ma'am i am simping.

would you still love me if i turned into a worm? - @minty-malfoy

put me in your pocket luna. im begging you.

dancing in the rain with luna - @/deactivated

only luna would get you a dress to go dancing in the rain and this is the stuff of blissful, fluffy dreams.

hugging her from behind - @pastanest

short and cute, do me a favour and read it :)

dating luna lovegood would go like - @glossymalfoy

life is NOT worth it if you don't read these cute little headcanons and imagine dating ravenclaw's baddest bitch.

linny hc - @bluebirdlinginthenest

like i said, who doesn't need good linny content?

cho chang

strawberry kisses - @pansydaisy

the only cho fic i've been able to find and it's SO WORTH IT. the cutest, it flows so well, and i absolutely love it. i need this with cho tbh.

fleur delacour

toutes les etoiles - @coffee--writes

im in love with fleur and this amazing writing. and for the first time since i started high school, my three years of taking french feel good for something.

being best friends with fleur would include - @harrypotter-imaginess

not romantic but actually so sweet pls. i want this friendship in my life so bad.

nymphadora tonks

dating nymphadora tonks would include - @imaginesforgirls

dating her + that warm little feeling of bliss that only HCs can give you

taking care of her after the war - @random-imagines-blog

this kind of hurts in that good ass way and i lovee it. they're simple hcs but i feel for tonks so much and then there's that warm lil feeling when you're the one to put her back together aand now my primary life goal is to help this woman heal.

───────── boys ─────────

harry potter

phosphenes - @minty-malfoy

ok shakespeare, the fuck?? this fic will never not get me right in the heart. the angst, holy fuck. and for once, the reader doesn't hurt harry and let draco walk all over them and it's just done so well. the transition from a toxic relationship to a sweet, loving one PLEASE. it's beautiful.

happy memories - @15-dogs

how does this manage to be so. smutty and fluffy at the same time? this is one of those short ones that has lived in my head, rent-free since i read it. and tbh any fic that includes expecto patronum is guaranteed to be good.

come back to me - @wondernimbus

right from the beginning, it's a mess of emotions both good and bad. that kind of good ass writing that hits you in the heart <3

making out with harry potter would include - @badfvith

read this title. done? now thank me later.

harry prompt - @thoseofgreatambition

harry x a sarcastic swooning bitch is an elite trope idc. short and sweet, i'm marrying this fic.

keep your eyes on the prize - @rowema-ravenclaw

first of all, showing harry up and second, pure fluff (and a little steam) right after. i also love how she writes harry in general because he's totally safe/in love with the relationship but still has that awkward lovable shyness and i just... *sighs*

always - @pansydaisy

uhm i will always love him and always reread this a thousand times so its a fit title + a good read.

late night studying - @lumosandnoxwriting

fuck studying, let his hand stay in my shirt. once again recommending fluffy bliss in the form of a short read that makes me feel things <3

would you still love me if i turned into a worm? - @minty-malfoy

he's so stupid. but he still loves you + this is from our resident perfectly talented writer so its a win.

cuddling after a rough quidditch practice - @badfvith

harry james potter is : b a b y

gryffindor's victory - @rowema-ravenclaw

make me gryffindors fucking cheerleader because HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT. AND THE WRITING IS IMMACULATE PLEASE. just read it, you won't regret it.

draco malfoy

silent treatment - @slytherinwh0re

andy's mad talented and this is just... insert a cheesy chefs kiss. unbelievably adorable but so fucking hot and an actually good smut plot (which is rare lmfao). remind me to give draco the silent treatment every time im upset.

rewards - @malfoysstilinski

so hot PLS. hype him up for the match and get your reward, bye. so good.

reading between the lines - @minty-malfoy

i've said this a thousand times but that's what happens when you've got a mad talented mutual BLESSING everyone with beauty like this. butterflies and warm feelings all around when i read this 💓

point of view - @draconisxcaput

its angst for hermione and fluff for you but overall ethereal writing. i am never going to recover from the pure talent that this is.

im not kidding im dying - @malfoysmatrioshka

i hate being sick with a passion but this... this would make it worth it.

hogwarts express - @/deactivated

draco fucking you because he knows harry's watching. the shit of legends and god is it hot.

draco laughing at you because you can't walk after sex - @glossymalfoy

*motions to the title* fluff with this loser 😌

the cheeseburger - @slytherinwh0re

really short read but this is one of those things i just. didn't know i needed. you're missing out and haven't even realised it if you haven't read about introducing him to cheeseburgers. and that ending is so funny/in character to me i fucking love it.

four am - @malfoysstilinski

domestic draco 🥺 but also sad draco 🥺 and then fluffy draco 🥺

hugging him from behind - @pastanest

real short and it'll brighten your day <3

would you still love me if i turned into a worm? - @minty-malfoy

how is it that this is so stupidly adorable. i love it 💘

ron weasley

heather - @hellounicorn

always making me cry with your fics i swearrr. this is a must-read. having someone but them not really being yours is a beautiful trope and this fic absolutely does it wonderful, poetic justice. your angst is addicting.

apple pie - @pregnant-piggy

ABSOLUTE DOMESTIC BLISS I AM IN LOVE. i don't even like kids or baking that much but this made me so soft. the whole cozy, heavenly vibes from this fic yes yes yes.

jealousy - @writeroutoftime

cliché jealousy turns friends to lovers and i am a sucker for it all over again <3

shaking and trembling - @ronsbadidea

if ron doesn't finger fuck me and then make a cheeky comment about it in class later then WHAT IS THE POINT :(

mixed signals - @iamthecabbage

i've always figured ron is this awkward idiot cutie with a crush and yea, this is it.

fred and george weasley

i love you, but you don't - @george-fabian-weasley

fred's a character i really don't read for often but goddamn. it's the saddest, most beautiful mix of rejection and pain and fred desperately caring but not in the way you want him to ─ an angsty masterpiece.

cockwarming george - @roonilwazlibimagines

because of this filthy gem, i one hundred thousand percent believe that he could make me cum without even fucking me and this is just... it's a good fucking read.

would you still love me if i turned into a worm? - @minty-malfoy

their responses are so wonderfully chaotic and adorable and GOD you're missing out if you haven't read these lil blurbs.

─

[ongaku-ato-kakikomi]

Request: Hello I hope you're having a good day (And possibly spring break) Can I request A Heather C X Fem! reader where The reader is friends with the heather Gang (and Veronica.) And comes to surprise Heather Chandler only to walk in on her being poisoned by J.D and Veronica Before being killed by J.D a few minutes later (I understand if you can't write this or if I wasn't clear enough Anyways have a nice day!)

You give out a soft smile as you look down at the gift package in your hands, your lips growing onto your cheeks as you observe the neatly wrapped red bow you've put so much effort into tying it up. Today was a special in your heart, the most important anniversary of them all; five years ago exactly, you and Heather Chandler became best friends, and both have been celebrating its anniversary ever since. Some people might call it childish, especially now that you're in high school, but Heather always made a point to never miss it... and you were not going to do the same either.

You give out a shaky breath as you arrive at her house, nervous as you already imagine her unwrapping her present. Would she like it? You really hope she would. Heather was known for her particular taste for gifts, but you've never once disappointed her. Oh, you can't help but wonder what she got you!

You give out a giggle, a slight blush taking over your cheeks. You'd be lying if you said you didn't feel special. You knew how she treated your other shared friends: McNamara, Duke, Veronica... she were merely even treating them with respect, but you? She always had a soft spot for you, and you'd promised to never give up on one another, for no reason.

"Heather!" You scream out her name just as you enter, knowing that her parents are out of town for the week. "Happy BFF's anniversary!"

A dreadful silence follows your words, a frown of confusion coming to your face. Usually, Heather would immediately respond, whether with a "coming!" or a "shut your fucking mouth, I'm sleeping!".

She must be quite asleep if she's not answering.

"Got you a gift, as usual!" You gently shake the wrapped box, putting it down on the kitchen counter on your way into the room. "Whoa, have you decided to re-organize your shelves or something?"

You quirk an eyebrow as you take in the amount of stuff pulled out of the shelves and spread all over the kitchen counters: a few knives, glasses, dish soap, some bleach... An uneasy feeling grabs your goats as you realize most of the items are deadly, your feet proceeding to take you upstairs towards your best friend's bedroom nonetheless.

"Heather?" Your expression falters down to a worried one, not liking this heavy silence lingering in the air. "Heather, are you okay?"

You give out a yelp when Veronica steps out of your friend's room, a look of pure shock and confusion taking over your features.

"What the-"

"I'm sorry." Her eyes water up, her bottom lip trembling as she makes a small move with her hand towards the bedroom. "I'm so sorry..."

"Ronnie?" You slowly approach her, your worry increasing as you notice her tears. "Why are you sorry for? Did you and Heather have another fight?-"

Your words get stuck in your throat as soon as you get a clear view of the room, your heart dropping inside your stomach at the sight of your best friend's body lying on the ground. A feeling of confusion and dread washes over you as you notice her glass table broken all over the floor, a blue-like mixture spreading onto the carpet along with traces of vomit.

Bleach.

"What...? What happened...?" You shakily point at your best friend's body, already feeling your heart breaking in a million pieces as tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. "What the fuck happened, Ronnie?"

"We killed her." She rapidly shakes her head, her hands hiding her mouth. "We killed her! I'm so sorry!"

"You killed her...?" You take a step away from her, fear now grasping onto your heart as you realize the full intent of her words. "Who's 'we'...?"

A scream comes out of your throat when Jason's face appears in the doorframe, his lips stretched into an unsettling grin as he tilts his head.

"Hi, (Y/N)." He looks you up and down for a quick second, his lips stretching onto his cheeks as an idea pops into his head. "Goodbye, (Y/N)."

"Wait, wait, wait-" Veronica speaks those words faster than she can think, her eyes widening when she witnesses her boyfriend already pushing you off the stairs. "No! No!"

You scream when you feel your body fall into the air, gravity rapidly doing its job as it cruelly drags you down the stairs like a mere doll. You yelp with pain with each jump against the wood, your mind coming to an abrupt stop when your neck gives out an awful cracking sound.

Veronica gasps as she watches you land on the first floor, your eyes already lifeless as they stare into nothingness.

"... well, that wasn't part of the plan, was it?" Jason chuckles, a sigh escaping his lips as he stretches his arms. "But don't worry love. We can make it look like an accident. She found the suicide letter and was so shocked, she didn't even notice her feet reaching the stairs! And then she tripped and fell to her death. Brilliant, is it not?"

Veronica gives out a muffled cry as a response, her head slowly nodding in agreement. She became a murderer; there was no way back from it now.