#get ready for cryptid pics

[lancernolancing]

Worlds 2024 Gala, Act 2 Photo Album

[sinfulforrest]

I would like to know more about Pillow 👉👈

Oooo I think this is my first Pillow specific ask, so thank you very much anon!!! :D Here's a pic of her, she's taken a bit longer to design than the others :3

Pillow is an online influencer who adores creating and streaming content to her fans! She's most well known for her monster hunting and abandoned building streams however, and people are in debate on whether what has happened during a few of them was real or not.

She's 26, 5'10, cis, bisexual and autistic, and has an intense fixation on cryptid hunting, becoming almost feverish when presented the opportunity to get up close and personal with something that could easily kill a human. She has a whole book full of research she's compiled over the years of actual monsters she has found, but she guards it with her life. In 'The Hunt for Love', you'll play as her collaborator/video editor and get to see quite a lot of her, and even help her out with research!

She's the childhood friend of Trace, becoming fast friends with him after he moved away from London, and she'd protect him from neighbourhood bullies who would mock him because of his rich background. She comes from a big family so naturally she puts family and friends first and is protective of them. Needless to say after teaching them a lesson, Pillow was able to help Trace come out of his shell, and she treats him like an older brother.

She's a very hyperactive and friendly person and is always ready to cheer up a friend or fight for 'em if they're in trouble. She's capable of holding her own in fights and doesn't mind getting into scraps, she thinks the wounds she recieves are pretty cool and shows them off when Trace isn't around.

When she's been in really sticky situations, she's silenced people and monsters with her trusty crowbar...though none of her fans know that~

[wetbananapeel]

I was able to visit one of my very dear and special best friends for the first time in a long while and it made my heart feel light and because we spent the entire day together and bc of that I wanted to jot down these things before I forget about them so I can remember the mundane intimate moments that feel special to me today.

°getting pink hair dye on my hands and helping a friend wash it out of his hair. He now reminds me of hello kitty and I love him for it

°laughing so hard in his bathroom about forehead pics (that specific bathroom is one of my favorite places in the world to get ready together in because of the laughter)

°Merlin screaming at me when I arrived at my friend's house <3 we played together until I had to stop because I was getting hives all over my hands and then he then plopped and took a nap by my feets (pictured)

°Fucking up the local Chilli's on a Wednesday night. We shared a long island iced tea with two straws cause there was a deal

°Going to one of my favorite places in my hometown and seeing the bar cat and local cryptid, Terri (pictured). He was doing airplane ears cause some people started yelling but look at his green little eyessss. I love Terri so much he goes to all the punk shows with us. One of my friends designed some flash of Terri's face for the tattoo shop next to the bar and I plan on getting Terri's face tattooed on me before I move.

°by dear beloved friend and I trying to take mirror photos at the bar together and him complaining of 'anime legs'

°Going to one of my favorite parks to sit with friends and watch the water. He and I talked about how the vastness of the water made us feel and what it represented and that conversation felt really nice

°a pinky promise

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, July 6th, 2024.

Do you eat or drink as soon as you wake up, or do you wait a while? I chug a bottle of water directly after waking up. If it's an animal shelter day, then I shower and get ready before making breakfast. If I'm staying home, then I might lie in bed for a while, listen to YouTube, then eventually get up, brush my teeth and all that jazz, then eat.

Tell me about some of your interests. Art, history, outer space, sci-fi, the paranormal, cryptids, conspiracies, philosophy, reading, spending time in nature.

What's your favourite kind of Oreo? Hmm…maybe golden, pumpkin spice, or red velvet.

Do you play any games on your phone? If so, tell me about one. I don't.

Do you have more male or female coworkers? I don't have a "real job," but I do volunteer at an animal shelter. I have almost exclusively female coworkers. There's literally only one male who works there, and I think he's been there the longest out of everyone - like 22 years!

What's the longest stretch of time you've spent completely alone? About a month, while my dad was in the hospital/rehabilitation center after his heart surgery back in 2019.

Do you use Instagram? If so, what's your current profile pic? Yeah. It's just a picture of myself.

What are your thoughts on kids being given iPads to keep them entertained? I think it's okay in moderation, but it shouldn't be a child's sole source of entertainment. This might just be my nostalgia taking over, but I'm truly grateful that I grew up during a time when life wasn't dominated by screens. Sure, I watched cartoons and played video games, but I spent so much time outside, with friends, reading, exploring, creating, or just within my own imagination. I couldn't imagine being a kid today.

[TW: SUICIDE] Have you ever thought about giving up on life completely? Yeah.

Have you seen the entire Harry Potter series? I have.

Do you still have both of your parents? Yes. I reconnected/reconciled with my mom last summer after nearly a decade of being estranged, and my dad and I continue to have a strong bond.

Do you play video games? No.

Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? They're similar, but not exactly the same.

Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? No.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? No.

When was the last time you went bowling? Not since I was a teen.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? I'm transgender. I don't think I know anyone in person (not that I'm aware of, anyway), but I know a couple of people online.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Last Wednesday. Groceries, toiletries, and cat stuff.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Would you judge a grown adult for doing so? I don't, but I wouldn't judge anyone for doing so.

Would you describe yourself as fashion-conscious, or do you just wear whatever feels comfortable? I just wear whatever feels comfortable. I'm definitely not a fashionable person and never really have been. I mean, I had some sort of ~style~ in the past, but now I'm like…whatever.

What are the main two colours in the room you’re currently in? Did you pick these colours out yourself? White (walls) and teal (carpets). I didn't pick them.

Do you have piercings anywhere except your ears? How many and where? Snakebites.

What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? I prefer baggy pants, but when it comes to other people, wear whatever you want.

Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? An ex.

Do you have a secret life? No. However, I am extremely guarded/private IRL and don't like to let people in much more than necessary. I've been back at the animal shelter for over a year now and people really only know the superficial basics.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yeah.

Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No, but my dad does know a whole hell of a lot.

Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Oatmeal.

If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? I don't want any new piercings.

The last time you held a baby: I have no idea.

Does your mom eat meat? Yeah.

What would be your reaction if one of your parents said they were having another kid? No…? You're not…?

What fish scares you the most? Sharks, I guess...? Not that I have much to fear from them considering I live in Colorado.

How do you feel about snails? They're cute.

If you were told by a professional that you were unable to become pregnant, how would that affect you? Is there something important to you about conceiving a biological child rather than adoption? And finally, if you even want to have children, would you choose adoption or surrogacy or would you go on childless? I would be fine with that. I don't want children anyway.

Are you physically affectionate with your friends? No.

Do you kill spiders when you see them? 95% of the time, no. I just let them do their thing.

What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? N/a.

What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I can't think of anything.

Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? The City Diner closed a few years ago and that was kind of a bummer.

How do you feel about TikTok? I don't use it.

Any current trends you dislike? Not really. I don't pay much attention to what's currently trendy. Plus, my city is like 20 years behind the times as it is, so most popular trends don't surface here in any meaningful way. Not among my relatively small social group, anyway.

If you had three daughters, what would you name them? N/a.

Would you ever adopt a child? No.

Do you like your name's meaning? Yeah.

Do you and your mom look like sisters? No. I mean, we do share similarities and you could probably tell that we're related, but it's clear that we aren't siblings.

Are you the same height as your mom? No. She's at least a couple of inches taller than I am.

Do you know anyone named Travis? I don't.

[TW: DOMESTIC ABUSE] Did your parents abuse you? Hmm.

What is something you've learned to never take for granted? My own health and the health of my loved ones (including my cats), days without migraines, stability, a working swamp cooler, having a safe place to live, food to eat, etc.

Tell me about something significant that happened to you in the past week. I can't think of anything especially significant. It's been slightly hectic due to one coworker leaving + a new coworker being hired at the shelter (well, technically she's not brand new because she worked there last summer, but you know), but other than that, nothing of note has happened. It's just an adjustment to the new vibes, is all.

What subjects do you like to read about? Backpacking journals, the paranormal (not like fictional stories, but an assessment of the phenomenon), sci-fi, fantasy, horror, history, etc.

What is the name of the last book you bought? I think it was the Dune series.

If you could change one thing about your home, and money was no issue, what would it be? New carpets (or maybe switch to some sort of hardwood flooring), fresh paint, renovate the upstairs bathroom and kitchen…and that's basically it.

Are there any (obviously fictional) villains you can't help but love? I wouldn't say there are any that I love, but sometimes I can…not necessarily empathize/sympathize (although there are times when I definitely can do that), but I can see why they turned out the way they did. OH WAIT. How did I completely space my past obsession with Vegeta (DBZ)? Or Bakura/Marik (YGO) and Mitarai Kiyoshi (YYH)? Mitarai wasn't even really a "villain," though...just highly misguided and in need of some serious therapy, lmao.

Can you name a villain who you could kind of side with? No. Like I said above, I might empathize or see why they came to a particular conclusion, but that doesn't mean I'd want to join them.

What color eyes does your significant other (or crush) have? (If applicable.) N/a.

Does anything around your home need repairing? Yeah.

[writingmeraki]

project : get the guy — enha hyung line smau.

SYNOPSIS : chaos ensues when you're assigned to do a project with the four supposed "cool kids" of the university and even more chaos when apparently one of them likes you, just that you have no idea who.

( or thinking being assigned with Heeseung, Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon would end with a successful project, a good grade, and perhaps even in Mr.Jeon's good graces was probably your biggest misconception rather you ended up with more irritancy for humans, possible grey hair from dealing with their questionable sanity, them having to deal with you *shivers* but on the bright side who would have guessed you might have just gotten yourself your dream boy? )

PAIRING : enhypen hyung line x gn!reader, ?? x gn!reader.

GENRE : short smau & written, crack/humour ( attempts ) angst, fluff and romance.

WARNINGS : attempts at humour, sexual jokes/suggestive tones, sunghoon ( yes he’s a separate warning ), possible making out, cussing, kys/kms jokes, mentions of alcohol…etc ( each chapter will have its own warnings )

FEATURING : all of enhypen, namjoon & jungkook ( bts), wonwoo & mingyu ( svt ), chaewon & sakura ( lssfrm ), more to be added !

STATUS : ongoing/hiatus.

TAGLIST : OPEN.

CURRENT TAGLIST : @strxwberry-skiess ; @whippedforbeomgyu ; @urszn ; @cha3w0n-hearts ; @cassie6392 ; @nicholasluvbot : @xiaoderrrr ; @eleanorheartschishiya ; @wonunuwoo ; @antonsgirlfriend ; @aygotnobitches ; @dimplewonie ; @hoeinthehouse ; @belovedsthings ; @cookiesandgravy ; @deffnotnia ; @winuvs ; @riksaes ; @sol3chu @starchasing-cryptid ; @lilactangerine ; @mawhve ; @rairaiblog

! PROFILES.

the slayers 🙏™ | F4 ( at home edition ) ��� | da krabby patty secret formula 🙀

¡ CHAPTERS.

project #1 : this is literally targeted hatred.

project #2 : fuck the correction he don't deserve that.

project #3 : we are 🚫NOT🚫 on the same level.

A/N: ah yes here we go, a remake/repost of this smau that I never did in fact write! i found the gc screenshots I made and suddenly it inspired me to want to write this cause there was potential 😔 tagging the people who asked to be tagged before ( the og post ), lmk if you want to be removed ! but hope you like this as much as I'm excited because I have the profiles ready and first chapter almost done :D let me know what you think!!

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2024

links : main navigation | enhypen masterlist | info

[mer-acle]

Gladly

George is an interesting character cos he's the only one from the resistance who was born within the organization (his father is high-ranking but in the secondary HQ, his mother died in childbirth it's a whole thing) He grew up with Dr. Scott and considers him his dad (the feeling is mutual gosh they're so cute I wanna eat them)

He's close to Marielle in age and when she was taken that kinda broke the illusion of a "perfect" childhood for him. He doesn't know the outside world and doesn't miss it, but she obv does and he gets that's not right. Over time, they grow really close, and he's very much ready to help her escape if he can.

Also something fun about him, he's obsessed with creatures and cryptids (mythology too obv) and since Marielle's an artist, they often sit together, he'll read out a story and she'll draw the creature in question for him. He may or may not keep every single one and he may also unknowingly be very important to the fragile thing that is Ellie's mental health lol

Also here's a pic:

Alisha might have slightly matching scars with her mother now...

Oh no 😭

Zeus why you gotta be such a megabitch???

(also did I tell you that Marielle has an electric burn scar on her wrist that looks like lightning? It has nothing to do with Zeus, it was an escape attempt gone wrong but still. She kinda matches too lol)

[elioshines]

Gerard I'm begging you : write captions please.

[cherry-flavoured-thot]

So I recently started obsessing over Jamil… but I’m in this little conundrum where I don’t entirely see him liking my self insert. She’s small, shy, doesn’t talk much, really nice, and kinda airheaded at times… well, till she gets comfortable around someone. Then she has a bit of a problem with volume control and can talk for hours as long as her friend is engaged. She’s more likely to cuss a friend out if they piss her off, but she’ll forget to be pissed after sleeping. Spiteful and petty, for instance she will learn a game or activity just enough to be an annoyance to the person that pissed her off. She’s still an airhead but she’s not gullible, she’s been taken advantage of and doesn’t like it. Lastly big helping of Depression an Anxiety where she sometimes doesn’t leave her bed for over 24 hours and is too anxious to have her inside thoughts in the outside unless in a comfortable environment. Chaos child, especially over the text. If she has a friend’s number they’re gonna get random sleepy thoughts and cursed pics at ungodly hours. She’s still a sweetheart that will do anything for people she cares for and ask for nothing in return except their company, but when bitten she will bite back. Or punch, she’s not afraid to aim for the kidney.

Anyway… maybe some headcanons of Jamil’s first reaction to her and then as he gets to know her? Please?

i love chaotic mcs so much.

Jamil:

-Jamil, who just thinks the mc is just there. Completely unassuming, and during certain events (his overblot lmaooo) thinks cool easy person to manipulate. Only for her to come back and be ready to throw hands because Kalim is like, yeah you're friend shaped. They are friends now.

-Anyways I think that's how him getting to know mc would start because Kalim exchanges numbers, and thinks the cursed pictures at 3am are hilarious and shows Jamil, who is like: :/ "why were you awake at 3am Kalim?" "Jamil ignore that and look at the funny picture!"

-Jamil gets mc's number is like: "please stopping sending memes to Kalim at 3am I don't want him falling asleep during class." He isn't impressed when the reply is just '"no <3" She has now made Jamil's list of people he would leave stranded in the desert.

-He thinks mc and Kalim are chaotic. Then he catches mc and Ace having the weirdest conversation before basketball practice which he hears every word of. "Mothman is the safest cryptid to smash, but I think I could take a Skinwalker." "I could take Siren Head." "Deadass?" "Deadass." Jamil doesn't know what either they are talking about, they have been talking about this for thirty minutes, please stop.

-Floyd casually mentions in passing once that Shrimpy bit him on the arm because he tried squeezing them. Jamil prays that you do not encourage Kalim to start biting because that will be the last straw.

-Development starts when Kalim asks Jamil to check on mc with him, because they haven't left their dorm for two days. Grim says she's sick, but they also aren't answering anyone's messages. When they enter the dorm seeing her wrapped up in bed, Kalim immediately trying to cheer her up, while Jamil stands off to the side.

-"Have you eaten anything?" a quiet no. "Let me make you something." He feels as though he owes them that much. He just doesn't intend for it to be a gateway that leads to him receiving random thoughts and cursed images.

-To which he uses them like receipts to remind mc that they better be going to sleep at a reasonable hour.

[volgdemagischewinx]

MY LOVE do you have any thoughts or hcs to spare about solarflare protecting each other from the press?? -lambofzenith

LAMB MY BELOVED I am not sure if this will even post since I'm still out in the middle of nowhere lucky to even get one bar but FOR YOU I WILL TRY

Bloom is actually fairly clueless about any issues related to the press in s1 because Stella tends to downplay it and Alfea does have protections against it on campus(I figure a school with multiple royal students would at least have a strict "no pics without permission" policy)

Also Bloom isn't on social media much because screens give her a headache. Stella made her get Magix twitter but she never checks it and the only people she follows are the Winx, so she doesn't even see the trends there. Stella pretends to be annoyed with how out of the loop Bloom is but she secretly kind of likes getting to decide for herself when her best friend finds out things about her

After the whole Diaspro fiasco Bloom becomes the media's favorite punching bag for a while. It could have been worse since Bloom is basically a cryptid with no record of her existence before she started attending Alfea, but she gets identified eventually and it's Not Good

She only finds out about it after the Battle for Magix and it really messes her up. That's when Stella finally decides to share her own experiences with this stuff so Bloom will feel less alone. It helps but now Bloom has graduated from self-loathing mode to being ready to burn the paps on sight

Bloom never actually makes any attemp to tell her side of the story with the Diaspro fiasco since she's afraid of making Sky look bad. Sky doesn't talk much about his private life either so Bloom is still kind of seen as a homewrecker for a good while afterwards? The only clue most people have about the actual details is one passive agresssive tweet from Stella that she deleted not long after she posted it

"If I were dating a naive civilian girl I simply wouldn't lie about my identity and keep my engagement from her. RIP to Prince Sky but I'm different"

Bloom refuses to start engaging in actual PR but Stella and the other social media savy Winx(Musa and Tecna) do hatch a scheme to improve Bloom's image by including her in their own pictures and videos from time to time. It actually works somewhat! She's still a problematic cryptid but that girl-next-door charm wins over a lot of people

The press gets really bad towards Stella after her princess ball. Bloom has always been protective in those instances but after that point she starts actively choosing violence instead of just threatening it. She's very proud of her collection of broken cameras

After Bloom breaks up with Sky, Stella starts pushing her to come forward with the truth about how it all went down, but Bloom still doesn't feel comfortable slandering his good name. It's not until after she starts dating Stella that she agrees to do it. If only because she's worried about it affecting Stella's image too

Much to Bloom's surprise the people of Solaria end up loving her? Turns out on that planet she's mainly known as the cute girl that sometimes shows up in their princess's posts, is willing to fight the press to protect said princess, and was also part of the group that helped save their king. Yeah, she's good in their book when's the wedding?

(In SH2HA she and Brandon both quickly become Solaria's sweethearts. The prince- and princess consorts are totally seen as a power duo, and you can bet they ended up making movies about how the 2 kids from humble beginnings stole the princess's heart)

[noirineverysense]

A.C.P 1

The Agency for Cryptids and the Paranormal.

The ACP are a group of detectives who investigate strange occurrences. From the paranormal to the supernatural. Spectres in your home, to aliens on your lawn, they work through the night to investigate it all. Admittedly, their track record for actually solving these cases is very low, but when your targets are either imperceptible or just plain non-existent, results are difficult to get.

But when ghosts of the past come to haunt the team, they’re thrown into a battle against monsters that are very human. And as they search for the truth, the detectives are left questioning both the world they inhabit and their own humanity.

Masterlist

Main story:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 - captured, Arthur pt.1

Chapter 3 - captured, Arthur pt.2

Chapter 4 - Zak, touch starved

Chapter 5

Chapter 6 - backstory: arthur/isaac, presumed dead

Chapter 7 - backstory: nasira gets hired

Chapter 8 - backstory: M.A.X

Chapter 9 - team whump, forced to watch

Chapter 10 - isaac, kidnap, secrets

Chapter 11 - isaac leaves

Chapter 12 - max, fever

Chapter 13 - zak + nasira, united we aren't

Chapter 14 - backstory: the boy in the basement

Chapter 15 - arthur shot

Chapter 16 - capture

Chapter 17 - backstory: monsters and men

Chapter 18 - showdown

Chapter 19 - backstory: MAX

Chapter 20 - backstory: the boy out of the basement

Chapter 21 - disaster zone

Chapter 22 - performing functions

Chapter 23 - it's really over, right?

Case files:

- A series of ministories from when Zak first joins the team. Prequel stuff basically.

Case file 01 : trapped

Case file 02 : aliens

Case file : halloween

Bonus chapters:

Nasira's backstory

Other stuff:

Zak collage

ACP playlist

Art of the team

Fanart!

ACP 2 here!

Character descriptions and picrews under cut.

Arthur Reyes - Team Leader (30)

A strong leader who can read people like a book. He's a military vet who was assigned to be part of a classified trial that changed his life forever. Started the agency to find answers to his past.

Isaac Yeong - Second-in-command (28)

Calm, friendly and rational. Arthur's long-time best friend who helped him found the detective agency.

Nasira Hudaifah - Medic (24)

Tired tm, intelligent, martial artist, quick to anger.

Zak Noor - Rookie (17)

Newest on the team, has a smart mouth, but desperate for validation. Thinks he's ready for anything. Looking for extra-terrestrials.

Max Reyes - Arthur's son (11)

The team found him alone on a mission one day and took him in. Arthur adopts him at some point later. Team baby.

Picrew sources:

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

The BNHA Group Chat Fic Nobody Asked For

Pairings: Todoroki Touya (Dabi)/Mr Compress (Sako Atsuhiro), Shimura Tenko (Shigaraki Tomura)/Chisaki Kai (Overhaul)/Kurono Hari (Chrono), Yamada Hizashi (Present Mic)/Aizawa Shouta (Eraserhead)/Shirakumo Oboro (Loud Cloud), Fukukado Emi (Ms. Joke)/Kayama Nemuri (Midnight), Bakugo Katsuki/Kaminari  Denki/Kirishima Eijiro, Iida Tenya/Monoma Neito/ Aoyama Yuuga

Word Count: 2,065 Words

Summary: Tetsutetsu's girl squad has a meeting, Halloween outfits, Sako and Touya are cute, and Kaminari comes out.

Warnings: Teen/Underage Pregnancy Mention, Period/Menstruation Mention, Food Mention, Blood Mention, Cursing, Death Mention, Half Blind Character, Deaf Characters, Mostly Mute Character (due to a different medical issue), Selectively Mute Character, let me know if I should add anything else.

Usernames: We Are Number One™ Aizawa: Dadzawa, Aoyama: immafiringmahlaser, Ashido: princessbubblegumknockoff, Asui: Galvan, Iida: Emergency Exit, Uraraka: 9.8, Ojiro: tailfloof, Kaminari: Pichu, Kirishima: baby shark, Koda: youredoingamazingsweetie, Sato: GuyFieriIsGod, Shoji: Cthulhu, Jirou: Jack Skellington, Sero: Spider-Man, Tokoyami: EdgarAllanCrows, Todoroki: WHERE?, Hagakure: cena, Bakugo: WHAT?, Midoriya: SmolMight, Mineta: Mineta, Shinsou: exhausted, Yaoyorozu: TheGreatCreator, Kurono: stopwatch, Chisaki: donthugmeimscared, Yukimura: choticgaydisaster, Bubaigawara: shadowclonejutsu, Shimura: idontfeelsogood, Awase: illrememberyouallintherapy, Kaibara: IDOWHATIWANT, Kamakiri: scyther, Kuroiro: itsmeyaboy, Kendo: Akimichi, Kodai: deadinside, Komori: shroomgurl, Shiozaki: wElCoMeToBiBlEsTuDiEs, Shishida: furry, Shoda: cryptid, Tsunotori: mylittlepony, Tsubaraba: airbender, Tetsutetsu: Iron Man, Tokage: t-rex costume, Fukidashi: glorifiedtextbubble, Honenuki: Eren Jaeger/spookyscaryskeletons, Bondo: Slimer, Monoma: HopeSummers, Yanagi: iLiEdImDyInGiNsIdE, Rin: snek, Toga: mystique, Sako: lostmymarbles, Hikiishi: queenofmagnetism, Iguchi: eye gucci, Shinokanri: stardust

Usernames: Emos Anonymous Kaminari: blackcloakedbrides, Shoji: fryingpan, Jirou: greentwentyfourhours, Tokoyami: myscientificinfatuation, Todoroki: twentyoneplotpoints, Bakugo: immobileinwhite, Midoriya: falldownboy, Shinsou: stabtheveil, Kurono: inhalecarolina, Chisaki: plummetingininverse, Yukimura: anxietyintheclub, Shimura: nappingwithsirens, Kuroiro: thousandfootcane, Kodai: marianaspit, Monoma: entiretimelow, Yanagi: recentyearsday, Sako: halfminutetomars, Aizawa: hollywoodlivingdead, Shouji: fryingpan, Kurono: inhalecarolina, Aoyama: phantomtown, Honenuki: visualizedragon, Sako: halfminutetomars, Awase: distressparade, Shinokanri: simplestrategy

Usernames: UA Teachers Are Tired™ Eraserhead/Aizawa: grumpy scarf cat, Present Mic/Yamada: screeching cockatiel, Midnight/Nemuri: chaotic goth gay Ingenium/Iida: gotta go fast, AllMight/Toshinori: actual sunshine, Vlad King/Kan: bloody hell, Power Loader/Majima: speechtotext, Ectoplasm: needalegup?, Snipe: kazoo cowboy, Cementoss: concrete block, Blackmist/Kurogiri: goth portals

Oh? Tea-Chapter 5

7:32 AM

We Are Number One™

WHERE?: [pic of Kumo, Ahma, and Sora playing tag with Kaede and Michi]

WHERE?: {pic of Hoshi, Tsuki, and Taiyo drawing with Asahi and Emica]

WHERE?: They're adorable today.

SmolMight: precious.

EdgarAllanCrows: I stan ten (10) good daughters of darkness.

SmolMight: Tokoyami and Dark Shadow helping with the girls is the cutest thing to see. I have been blessed upon witnessing this.

EdgarAllanCrows: They have claimed me as their weird bird uncle. I accept this. I shall cherish and spoil them.

chaoticgaydisaster: Thank god we have you to help, Tokoyami. I can't fucking move.

Emergency Exit: Why can you not move? Are you injured, Touya? Should someone help you to Recovery Girl?

chaoticgaydisaster: no, I'm just having my period and day two hurts more than day one.

lostmymarbles: I'll get your hot water bottle and ice cream.

Dadzawa: I got you excused from your hero training class today. Shoto, do you need to be excused today as well?

WHERE?: As much as I hate the assumption that me and my brother have the same cycle, we do and yes I do need today off hero training class.

mylittlepony: Why do they get off? Aren't periods normal?

SmolMight: they both have issues with their menstrual cycles where Shoto's is very heavy and Touya's is very painful.

mylittlepony: Oh, I get it, please excuse my ignorance of the situation.

chaoticgaydisaster: it's fine, Pony.

WHERE?: it's okay, you didn't know.

Iron Man: Do you two need anything?

HopeSummers: Tetsu, no, you can't abduct them into your little group.

WHERE?: I'm scared to ask, but what group?

Akimichi: Tetsutetsu is the leader of the UA Girls Protection Squad. He helps us all with our monthlies and just generally protects us from the grape gremlin in your class.

WHERE?: I agree to be abducted into this cult you have, Tetsutetsu.

chaoticgaydisaster: same here. let me join your cult.

Iron Man: These are now my children.

glorifiedtextbubble: great, he has more children

t-rex costume: meeting happens in one of you two's rooms tonight.

deadinside: We'll come at the meeting bearing food, tea, heat pads, and movies of you two's choice.

chaoticgaydisaster: I like disney movies.

WHERE?: pixar

SmolMight: oh god, this again.

SmolMight: just bring dreamworks movies. they can't fight over which is better then.

Iron Man: Thanks Midoriya.

SmolMight: you're very welcome. I just don't want to hear them have another pixar versus disney fight tonight.

Dadzawa: alright kids, time for class soon, make sure you're all ready except Yukimura and Todoroki.

4:07 PM

We Are Number One™

Iron Man: We come bearing zaru soba, oyakodon, curry bread, takoyaki, tonjiru, ice cream, and chamomile tea!

chaoticgaydisaster: so much food, jeez.

mystique: Tetsu insisted we make sure you two eat enough since you have bad periods and you might get anemic.

Iron Man: Plus, we also made sure they're all soft enough for you, Touya.

chaoticgaydisaster: hold on, gonna cry right quick.

WHERE?: don't cry too hard, it'll hurt.

chaoticgaydisaster: I know.

Iron Man: omw with the curry bread, tea, and cuddles! Girls, you better catch up, I'm running my way over to them.

chaoticgaydisaster: Thank you, Tetsu.

Iron Man: It's with my greatest honor.

6:24 PM

We Are Number One™

9.8: so what's everyone going as for Halloween?

cena: I'm going as the old school version of Mystique.

Spider-Man: only because I had to convince her to wear clothing and not do the movie version.

cena: you're no fun, Hanta! It's not like they'd see me!

tailfloof: anyway, moving on from the couple in aisle five, I'm going as Winter Soldier.

baby shark: me, Denki, and Katsuki are going as Mitsuki, Boruto, and Sarada

princessbubblegumknockoff: I'd kill to see Bakugo in a Sarada costume but we all know that's gonna be Kaminari.

princessbubblegumknockoff: also I'm goin as Eridan with Hatsume as Feferi.

TheGreatCreator: Me and Jirou are going as Sally from Nightmare before Christmas and Emily from the Corpse Bride. She insisted on scary and I cannot say no.

EdgarAllanCrows: This year, I'm going as a ghost bride. Last year I was a vampire, and the year before I was a witch. But this year, I am a ghost bride.

EdgarAllanCrows: And I have convinced my boyfriends to kind of match with me.

Cthulhu: What he means to say is he's going as a ghost bride, I'm going as a zombie, Koda will be a groom, and Sato is planning to be a skeleton.

Pichu: heh, four stages of life.

EdgarAllanCrows: He gets it. Our plan is working.

Galvan: I'm going as Harley and Ivy.

Emergency Exit: I'm going as the MCU Quicksilver.

immafirinmahlaser: I'm going to be the wonderful Viktor Nikivorov this year.

Dadzawa: I have been roped into group costumes this year

exhausted: what are they, dad, we're all so curious to know, I'm sure.

Dadzawa: you're going with us, don't act surprised.

Dadzawa: Mic and Midnight dragged me and Tensei into dressing up as the main cast of Heathers with Shinsou as a next generation Heather.

cena: which heather are you playing, Mr. Aizawa?

Dadzawa: Chandler with Mic as Macnamara, Midnight as Duke, and Tensei as Veronica.

cena: interesting. and Shinsou?

exhausted: well, ya see, I didn't want to go as JD so Mic came up with my character so it isn't the best character. I'm going as Heather Bay.

cena: and she is?

Dadzawa: Basically Chandler's kid that she gave up. Mic isn't very creative but we stan him anyway.

princessbubblegumknockoff: I think it's cute! you're still going as parent and child!

chaoticgaydisaster: me and Sho decided to go as Freed and Rufus from Fairy Tail.

Jack Skellington: so kinda twins but not really. crafty boys.

shadowclonejutsu: the rest of us ex-league are going as pokemon and Touya was supposed to be vulpix, but he wanted to be almost matchy with Shoto

chaoticgaydisaster: I know, I was supposed to wear a vulpix costume to match my husband being eevee but this is also my first halloween with my brother in well...forever.

princessbubblegumknockoff: Wait, so is this you two's first halloween?

WHERE?: yes. together at least. i've had one with my daughters and touya has had one with the League but we never had one together.

princessbubblegumknockoff: can I join the Fuck Endeavor squad @SmolMight?

SmolMight: I'm just the spokesperson of the Fuck Endeavor Squad. Touya and Shoto are the presidents. But yes, you can join.

princessbubblegumknockoff: good. yeet his stupid ass at the sun.

WHERE?: amen.

chaoticgaydisaster: preach girl.

8:34 PM

We Are Number One™

Pichu: babe, I need cuddles.

WHAT?: I'm on my way

Pichu: god, I love my husband

lostmymarbles: what a mood

chaoticgaydisaster: Atsu! don't make me blush! I have a reputation!

lostmymarbles: My husband is the best. God, I love him. He's amazing.

chaoticgaydisaster: Atsu, you're destroying my reputation!

lostmymarbles: sometimes I still hear him screeching when he blushes.

chaoticgaydisaster: I'm bout to be screeching at you, I'm blushing dammit

WHERE?: [pic of Touya blushing]

WHERE?: he's a tomato now.

chaoticgaydisaster: betrayed by my own brother. Monoma, may I join you on the roof?

HopeSummers: Sure, I guess but I don't want you to die so I'd have to shield you from the ground.

chaoticgaydisaster: worth it

lostmymarbles: babe no!

chaoticgaydisaster: Okay, I guess I won't.

HopeSummers: wow, that was easy.

chaoticgaydisaster: I am a simple man. my husband tells me not to jump off a building and I won't do it.

10:38 PM

We Are Number One™

Dadzawa: the name change paperwork is now done. now it's just the hearing and official birth certificate change.

Emergency Exit: That's great, Mr. Aizawa!

Dadzawa: we're having korokkes to celebrate. me and a few select Chosen Ones™ shall go get ingredients.

chaoticgaydisaster: sweet potato and chicken.

WHERE?: pumpkin and tuna

HopeSummers: Wow, you two have weird cravings.

idontfeelsogood: you should've seen Touya's cravings when he was pregnant.

shadowclonejutsu: It was even weirder combinations.

eye gucci: there was that instance with the pears and mushrooms

WHERE?: mine were bad too. but you can probably already tell that.

Dadzawa: anyway, anyone else want anything different than sweet potato and chicken or pumpkin and tuna

TheGreatCreator: shrimp please and pork for Jirou

shadowclonejutsu: I want shrimp too

SmolMight: I just like cheese in mine, Tokoyami says he likes salmon, Sako says he likes egg.

baby shark: Baku likes ham and cheese, Kami likes mushrooms, and I like shrimp too.

cena: Me and ojiro both like eggplant and Tsu and Mina both like peppers, onions, and cheese

idontfeelsogood: count me in for pepper, onions, and cheese

donthugmeimscared: me too

stopwatch: same here

GuyFieriIsGod: ya know what? I want octopus in mine.

Cthulhu: I second the octopus.

9.8: I like tomato and cheese.

immafirinmahlaser: moi likes ham and cheese as well, reminds me of home.

Spider-Man: spinach and tofu.

GuyFieriIsGod: Koda says kimchi and cheese for him.

Emergency Exit: ...kimchi and cheese as well

princessbubblegumknockoff: oh my god, Iida likes weird food combos too!? revolutionary.

SmolMight: we stan one (1) good fast boy

Dadzawa: and my son likes kimchi and cheese in his too. Ashido, Hagakure, and Yaoyorozu, you three are Chosen™.

Dadzawa: choose who you may to go with you.

cena: I'm bringing Tsu and Ochako.

princessbubblegumknockoff: I'm dragging Mei with me.

TheGreatCreator: I'll bring Jirou

cena: girls only outing with Mr. Aizawa!

Pichu: does that mean I go too?

GuyFieriIsGod: Kami, you're a girl?

Pichu: I'm kinda working on that.

baby shark: you sure you wanna tell everyone?

Pichu: yeah, it's not like they won't find out.

Pichu: I'm in the process of transitioning mtf. I'm just trying to get up enough money to get bottom surgery. then it's just my HRT.

WHERE?: is there a way I can convince you to let me pay for it?

Pichu: I...wait, did you just offer to pay for my bottom surgery?

WHERE?: yes.

Pichu: Todoroki, I can't accept that! I have to earn this myself.

WHERE?: okay

Dadzawa: anyway, girls, come on. (yes, you too Kaminari)

Spider-Man: Hey, Kami, is there a name you've picked out yet?

Pichu: yeah, I was thinking Akari or Uzume. I'm leaning more toward Uzume.

princessbubblegumknockoff: I love our good pichu girl Uzume Kaminari.

Dadzawa: I'll begin the paperwork for getting you switched to the girls dorms if you'd like after we eat.

Pichu: Thank you, Mr. Aizawa!

Dadzawa: I have a clinging pokemon daughter and I couldn't be happier.

princessbubblegumknockoff: [pic of Kaminari hugging Aizawa tightly in the van]

Izukrew

11:04 PM

We Are Number One™

WHERE?: I have an idea for Kaminari.

SmolMight: I'm all ears.

WHERE?: before that happens.

WHERE? has added WHAT? to Izukrew

WHERE?: where does Kaminari work, Bakugo?

WHAT?: Heiwa to Chowa in Kamino. Evening shift from 5 to 10 every day. I have a feeling I know what you and your brother are planning, Fireball.

WHAT?: And I greatly approve of what you're planning. Uzume is a stubborn woman, she won't accept help if she's put her mind to doing it herself. She's only got the last 300 dollars from the cost of the surgery to cover.

WHERE?: Good, thank you. I shall plan accordingly. Touya starts the same shift tomorrow so I have an excuse to be there if questioned.

WHAT?: I'm leaving now. I'll be there to watch at her shift start tomorrow. You better be nice to her.

WHERE?: I may be gay but I know how to treat women, I drink my respecting women juice every morning.

WHAT?: Good, drink your respecting women juice or else I'll explode your face.

WHAT?: With that lovely sentiment.

WHAT? has left Izukrew

9.8: I feel like I just watched a back-alley deal and I love it.

SmolMight: You get used to it. That's just how Kacchan and Shocchan interact with each other now that they're friends.

9.8: Kamino made you two scary close.

WHERE?: we're also pretty close with Shinsou and Bakugo had a real bonding moment with Touya.

WHERE?: you bond pretty well with a person when you're trapped together and happen to have your periods at the same time while kidnapped.

9.8: you got me there.

Emergency Exit: Todoroki, are you going to take money out of your father's card to pay for Kaminari's surgery?

WHERE?: you're getting it Iida. you are correct, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Emergency Exit: Then I shall go with you to make sure you don't do anything stupid.

Taglist: @logan-sanders-enthusiast @luckyicekitsune @whippedbel @lgbtforeverything @pinecone-chomper @mikmacmoo @wasinotwantedatthisexactsecond @purplespiderstormcloud @stankyratman @king-of-the-oranges @headcannons-and-random-things @fear-ze-queer @turtleluv799 @ymmm-someone

[halfgclden]

EPISODE 32: A MAJOR OCCURANCE

The sound of spooky intro music plays and fades out. As the microphone clicks on, faint sounds of water and traffic can be heard in the background.

JADE: Hello cryptwizzlers, cryptrackers, but never cryptormentors because we’re all friends here. Welcome to a very special episode of Cryptwins in which we are not actually researching a cryptid. But! Before you shut this off and call us hacks, we are instead researching the recent disappearance of social media fitness guru; Edison Major.

More spooky music plays. There is also the sound of fingers tapping a rhythm. It's typical Joel, unable to contain his energy as he taps the dashboard in time with their intro music.

JOEL: Weeeeeeeell...Maybe we are hacks. —a pause as he laughs— Nah, just kidding. This is the real deal. I'm not sure you're ready for this. This is some spooky, and excuse my French, spooky shit. Tell us more about this Major disappearance? —another laugh— Get it?

JADE: [A short laugh-sigh is let out at Joel’s joke.] Okay, before we begin, two things. One, get ready for the barrage of major and minor jokes, courtesy of Joel here.

JOEL: Got a whole list, be ready! He lets Jade finish, but listeners can still hear the tapping sound while she speaks.

JADE: Secondly, we’re still on the road here, so if the audio is bad or choppy... deal with it? —another small laugh— Anyyyyway. Spooky is right. This all began in September of last year, when @majored posted a picture of himself in a dark basement wearing a weird costume and then immediately went off the grid. And, you know, I’m all for a social media cleanse, people do it all the time. Buuut, what really brought this to our attention was a month later, on Halloween Eve of all nights, when a video popped up of him getting his ass kicked by someone in a Kakashi Hatake costume.

JOEL: Now, I know y'all are asking yourselves "Isn't he a fitness guru? Why was some weeb kickin' his ass?" And to that I say hey! Some weebs are strong, some are Super Saiyan, and others are Kakashi Hatake, the most talented ninja in Konohagukure.

JADE: lets out a laughing wheeze.

JOEL: We don't endorse fighting here. But I digress —a laugh— back on topic. So this guy just up and disappears out of nowhere? And there's not a peep of him until we see Kakashi givin’ him the business. What does this all mean?

JADE: Okay, so, let’s get the full story. @majored goes off the grid, comes back to get his ass kicked by a Naruto character, disappears again, comes back to spit on someone and call them a see you next Tuesday, and then disappears again. And he hasn’t come back online. So what’s up with that? Well... we did a little digging.

Another spooky noise plays over the sound of Jade organizing a stack of papers.

JOEL: Daaaaaaang. I’d say those are some fightin' words, especially from someone who keeps pulling a vanishing act, don’t ya think?

JADE: They really are! I mean, he is from New Zealand, but even so, I think you don’t use that word unless you want to attract some attention. -She clicks her tongue as she gets back on topic- The video was originally posted the night before Halloween of last year, by @ime.are on Twitter. Obviously they got a lot of hate and questions after posting this, but all of them were left unanswered. The only person in the video that was tagged was Major, but upon further examination, this Ime seems to follow and have pictures with someone who happened to be dressed as Kakashi that same night, which has led many to speculate that these ninjas are the same person.

JOEL: So we all know Halloween's a spooooky season. Perfect for parties and all that jazz. But all those costumes make it a perfect time for disguises. Was that even the real Major? Was the person who spit the real Major? Who is this Ime and how do they fit into the story? And who— a pause for dramatic effect and muffled laughter as he tries to stay serious— is this mystery ninja? Tell us more!

JADE: Alright, alright. So this mystery ninja goes by Abel, or @_kllledbycain on the Gram. At first glance, they look pretty much like every other TikTok e-boy; black and white photos, pet snake, the insinuation that they’re dead, whole nine yards.

JOEL: snorts when Jade announces their handle, and again at her eboy comment, wheezing. It's true, it's true!

JADE: And this stuff is so common right now, so nothing really raises any eyebrows, right? Right? Well, tell me, why would a Tik Tok goth go around beating the crap out of a random influencer? Stay tuned for the theory. First, we’re gonna take a step back and look at the whole situation, because, of course, it doesn’t end there.

JOEL: Ohhhh snap! I'm on the edge of my seat, and I bet our listeners are too.

JADE: [clears her throat] So if we go back to the original poster of the video, @ime.are, and we take a look at their Insta, who is on it but... @devinitely? Okay, so @devinitely is in the same place as @majored, clearly, and, for anyone that doesn’t know, she’s been doing a bunch of collabs with @loganvance. This places not one, not two, but three influencers all together in this place where weebs are running around assaulting people.

JOEL: Okay. Okay, I need to know! Where are they? What's bringing all these influencers together? Are @devinitely and @loganvance part of something much more sinister than it seems? [He makes a funny face at Jade and wiggles his fingers, before dropping his voice to a stage-whisper.] Is it some kind of twisted influencer cult?

JADE: Shhhh, Joel, spoilers.

JOEL: [He laughs.] Sorry, sorry!

JADE: [muffled laughter over the sound of more papers rustling.] So, any skeptics out there might say, oh, well, this Ime Are is just a lucky person who happens to be in the presence of more than one social media personality. However, Devin follows the weeb that may or may not have kicked Major's ass. And, according to a cast photo of Rocky Horror, on her boyfriend's Instagram, both the weeb in question and the hot man that tore the two apart were part of the cast. This would be a great time to mention that a link to the video is in the description, as are all the pictures from social media that I'm referencing.

JOEL: [to Jade but loud enough for the mic to pick it up at regular volume] Oh snap, you got everything together in a link? Like, I could click the link to check it out right now? — A pause as he does just that.— Woah, cryptwizzlers, she's not kidding. Click the link in bio, you won't be disappointed. Okay, Jade...hear me out. Given that it was Halloween, the night of nights. Do you think that...maybe it was all an elaborate event? Was it staged? Is any of this real?

JADE: Oh, my dear brother, always the skeptic. Don’t you think that it’s a bit much for him to stop posting entirely in order to get publicity? And we mustn’t forget the spitting on someone in South Dakota, that’s not exactly his brand. Unless he’s trying out something like Taylor Swift and Reputation but... I digress. No, I don’t think any of this is staged, and I’ll tell you why. Let’s go back to the weird cow print basement post. You know who also happened to post something about some cowboy party? Oh, um, Devin’s boyfriend? A picture of him, Devin, and Logan? Which... puts them and Major in the same place on the night that he disappeared.

JOEL: Not a skeptic! Just trying to get all these questions answered. —A laugh— You're right, that's 180 from the online presence he used to have. All theories aside, —a pause— I'd love to go to a cowboy party. Get me a glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat. You know they make 'em. —He laughs again, mouthing 'what?' to Jade.—

JADE: Oh, def. We're getting matching hats. Check out our merch in a few weeks —she laughs— Glow in the dark mothman themed cowboy hats, talk about a niche.

JOEL: Snap, we have to do that now, 'cause I want one real bad. But okay, back on track. This cowboy party. The origin of this theory, yeah? Oh snap...what were those three doing in the same place as Major? And all in cow print too? That's....majorly suspicious! [He trails off into laughter, his voice doing that wheezy thing when someone's trying to finish their sentence before cracking up. Recovering, he adds the following.] Wait, wait, wait. What about—

JADE: Yes, yes, yes. —she cuts Joel off as though he's finished his sentence, chuckling at his joke— Patience, my dear twin, we will get there. —the smile is evident in her voice—

JOEL: I feel like somehow, I ended up as your Padawan for this episode. — he laughs—

JADE: You heard it here, I'm absolutely schooling Joel this episode. — she laughs— First, we're going to backtrack all the way to the original poster again. You know we snooped their whole page, and they're pretty regularly posting pictures with this person, @rengaaay, who isn't an influencer but she makes some of those sick ass roller skating videos... this isn't sus, just cool, link in the description. —a slight pause as she tries to get back to her train of thought— Anyway, what is sus is that she tags two people in her photos all the time... But no joke guys check out their Insta profiles they look different in like every other picture. Which, uh, could just be editing but also could be something.... more sinister? Hold onto that thought.

JOEL: That's such a good handle, dang! Better than @lumberjoel, honestly. I have to say I'm jelly. We should get branded rollerskates, maybe @rengaaay can advertise for us if we ship them. JK...unless? —more laughter as he waits for Jade to get back on the train and pulls up the profiles in question to take a look for himself— Huh...is it editing? Are they masters of disguise? Makeup professionals? —He starts to say something else but is pretty sure he's figured out where Jade's going with this.— What could be more sinister than human chameleons?

JADE: [The sound of papers shuffling can be heard] Oh, yeah, so, it's weird but I think every time the siblings are in a pic together they look more like each other? I dunno if this really makes sense but seriously dudes check the post with this episode because it has a bunch of photos side by side and... yeah. You pull a photo of them by themself and it's like okay, I know what this dude looks like and then you put them side by side and... I dunno, makeup? Contacts? Cloning, mayhaps? And, just so that I'm not just holding on to one thing too much... check their post from August 12th, linked below. Their brother... doesn't have a shadow. Why would you edit that out of a photo? No way are they going that hard to be memelords.

JOEL: Okay, let me look at this. Wha— That's weird as hell. How much hair dye do these two use? Hm. Could be clones? —snaps his fingers—Definitely clones. —he snorts loudly, laughing before clearing his throat— Ahem, uh. No shadow? That's dedication! I dunno, maybe it's some new challenge for the 'gram. Oh...but wait. I found a video. Look, Jade. No shadow. In a video. What the—

JADE: A video, guys. —A moment of muffled laughter before her mic cuts out, but the sound of it clicking on again is followed almost immediately— This is a big family, guys, and a big weird one because their other brother @sleepyfinch... Okay, wait, he himself is pretty normal, super cute, shout out, but guys, ghouls, you know who he has tagged in a recent post? Yet another influencer. Except this one is from Italy? @gaborealis; essentially, he’s a medium, so if you didn’t believe that the supernatural were at play beforehand... buckle up.

JOEL: Wait, wait, I'm still on the video thing. Who has time to edit a video? —his voice cracks when he says video and he covers his laughter as he focuses—

JADE: [wheezing] Shut up —there is no malice in her voice, and she’s laughing too.—

JOEL: So weird, I love it. Oh snap— the @gaborealis? It's time to get ghosty! —echoes "ghosty" and hums the Cha Cha Slide tune for a couple seconds— Okay, so wait. Does this mean everyone's favorite medium is also in the same place as...three? Three other influencers and this weird family of....maybe shapeshifters? No? Too crazy a theory?

JADE: You know what they say, cryptoddlers; no theory is too crazy. Everything Einstein came up with? Theory.

JOEL: Bringing Einstein into it, huh?

JADE: Oh you know it. —a snort— Anyway, according to Devin’s boyfriend’s Instagram, it doesn’t end there. @spencerkeahi, a youtuber and disability rights advocate who comes from Hawaii is also there with that gaggle. Shout out to @elidrising for tagging people and location. So what are these influencers from all corners of the globe gathering together for? Well, let’s take a look at the original poster again. You go on their Twitter, and a few months back it’s all just videos of people... fighting? In some sort of underground place. Mayhaps... the same creepy basement that Major posted his last photo? —a small gasp, as though she’s surprised by this— No, that must be a coincidence... or is it?

Another spooky sound plays

JOEL: @elidrising is the man, dang! Are you tellin' me there's a...—he lowers his voice to a whisper— secret influencers-only Fight Club? I wouldn't put it past @devinitely TBH. Honestly, I'd join one...even though I guess I've broken the first rule but talking about it, huh? Actually— Jay, do you think we'd even be allowed to join? Are podcasters influencers? Poll in my story right now, let us know what y'all think.

JADE: Right now? Joel, this isn’t going up for another week, at least. —She’s obviously trying to sound less amused than she’s coming off— Once we get the blue check we’re influencers, so we’ve got a few million followers to go, I think.

JOEL: Yeah, right now! They'll hear that when the episode goes up and respond in real ti— Oh, no. You're right. Oops. No poll in my story, y'all. False alarm. Blue check, huh? You heard it here, cryptwizzlers, we're gonna get that blue check. Tell your friends, tell your family. Heck, tell that cute barista at your coffee shop to listen to our podcast! We might just do a giveaway when we get that lil' blue swoosh.

JADE: [clears her throat.] You know what’s a great way to get us that blue check, though?

A different, light sort of spooky music begins playing in the background, meaning that it’s time for the ad break

JOEL: Take it away!

JADE: Checking out a little app called Creature Comforts. Alright guys, not that this show isn’t one hundred percent real as it is, but for real, I love this app. A dating sim that features everyone’s favorite... for lack of a better term, monsters. Did you watch the Shape of Water and go, “Damn, I’d tap that”? Do you want to snuggle with a Sasquatch? Do you just wish you could find yourself a GF with more eyes? Well, have we got the app for you. Creature Comforts lets you do all this and more. A choose-your-own-adventure game where you can smooch beasts, marry Mothman, and ignore the outside world. It’s seriously all I want. And, if you enter the code cryptwins— that’s the name of the podcast you’re listening to, no capital letters, when you download the app, then it’s only 99 cents to play without ads. Which, trust me ghouls, is worth it. I don’t want anything interrupting my cut scene with the most stunning eyes in West Virginia.

JOEL: Don't forget that scuba diving date with Nessie! Or, or...that half-day hike with Bigfoot. —he's laughing again smh— There's a reason Jade does the ad reads and not me. But, I can tell you that Mothman is sure to sweep you off your feet. And it's not just because he can fly.

JADE: It’s the —a pause for finger snapping— alliteration for me. But that’s Creature Comforts, exactly how you think you’d spell it, don’t ask us ‘cause we’re dyslexic, and cryptwins, like the name of this podcast. Tweet us @cryptwins to let us know how far along you are, who you’re pursuing, and what mysteries you unlock about their backstories. Now... I think it’s time for a timeline, just to get us sorted out, what do you think, Joel?

JOEL: Personally, I'm still tryin' to land a date with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I guess we'll see what happens. Aw heck yeah! Give us a timeline, give us the dirt. — a laugh — Give the people what they want!

JADE: Okay — the shuffling of paper is heard once more — We start in September: @majored goes off the grid after posting a creepy picture of himself in a weird outfit in a spooky basement. This is around the same time that the Scarlet Surfer was in NYC for fashion week, which @majored accompanied him to, meaning that it isn’t entirely out of the question for him to still be in New York. Also on social media at this time is @devinitely and @loganvance also both is cowboy outfits, though the creepy basement is absent from both of them.

JOEL: I guess September isn't too early for weird Halloween stuff to start? What with the spooky basement and everything. Right? And everyone loves a cowboy moment— or have cowboys become the new clown? I heard there was a clown renaissance and people like them now? I don't really know where we stand on the whole clown— what?

JADE: I see our next hot debate. Cowboys: Hot or not? Personally, I liked cow print, but I can see cowboys going out soon. Once they reach killer clown status is when it’ll be ideal for me.

JOEL: Personally, I vote hot. And uhhh, not to kinkshame you Jay, but killer clowns are a no from me.

JADE: [tsks] Kinkshamed, by my own brother no less.

JOEL: [a loud laugh] You know I'm just kidding. No kinkshaking, ya heard? I'd literally let the Jersey Devil step on me so. To each their own.

JADE: [snorting] Um, gross.

JADE: Now to October: There is a production of Rocky Horror, a cast photo is uploaded to @elidrising, the account of @devinitely’s boyfriend. This places not only @devinitely and @loganvance in Montauk, but it also places @crispyboiz and @_kllledbycain in Montauk too. These are two of the people that are suspected to belong in the video by @ime.are, in which (suspected) @_kllledbycain, dressed as Kakashi Hatake attacked @majored, only to be torn apart by good citizen @crispyboiz. This video is the first that we’ve seen of @majored since his last post, and he offers nothing in response to it.

JOEL: Okay. Okay. Now, you know I love a good shadow-cast of Rocky Horror. I've always wanted to play Frank. I would rock that part. Am I wrong? —he laughs— But okay, that's - count 'em - three influencers in one place? If @elidrising is there, we can assume @devinitely is too because she was in the same location as, uh, whatshername? Logan? And that's the same location as @ime.are. Who took the video of  Kakashi kicking @majored's ass. @_kllledbycain— more like killedbyKakashi, eh? Seriously why are all these people together?

JOEL: [as an afterthought] It's gotta be a cult.

JADE: November to December: Nothing happens with @majored, @ime.are also offers nothing except for quote unquote “#teamkakashi”, which is funny because they never tagged Kakashi, but anyways. Upon deeper inspection, there are videos on their Twitter from last May, of people in a fighting ring. And then people fighting on a lake? But the fighting ring looks super dangerous and I dunno, like you said, cult-y? Fight-club-y? Call it what you will. In any case, we are led to believe that this fighting has been going on for some time in the background.

JOEL: Okay, come on. That’s definitely a cult. I’ve seen the movie, can confirm. — he groans— Literally what is an Italian astrologer doing there? Wait, wait, wait. Montauk? You said Montauk. Montauk, as in on Long Island. As in like —he drops his voice to a stage-whisper— the part of Long Island that peeps believe to be the site of a government cover-up involving kidnapping, mind control, and time travel? The part that inspired Stranger Things? That Montauk? Snap. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together sooner. Jade, Jade. What if this is, I don’t know, like, MKUltra 2.0?

JADE: Yes, yes that Montauk, I’m glad you picked up on that. Look, I’m not saying that it’s an influencer’s-only thing, but I am saying that some might be in the area, and maybe involved. At the same time throughout all of this, we have a culmination of more influencers seeming to know this network of people. @gaborealis, an Italian astrologer, is seen in pictures of @sleepyfinch, who was also in the production of Rocky Horror, and has pictures with @crispyboiz and, god, this name is a freaking nightmare, @_kllledbycain. Not to mention this guy has many pictures of weird… family members? Who sometimes look alike? Okay, but seriously, @kodakola and @sonofpeter, how is your hair not straw at this point? Is it wigs? I think my hair would simply fall out. And y’all using Insta filters or what, cause… I’m not gonna get into it, let’s keep going.

JOEL: Maybe they're makeup vloggers or something. Gotta change up the look for views, right? Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and uhhhh, smash that follow button— or whatever YouTubers say. —he laughs— Okay but seriously, yeah. @sonofpeter, @kodakola, whatever you two are doing to your hair, let me know because I'm trying to bleach my hair and dye it bright purple without it falling out. And since we're doing it at our next stop, well, your advice will probably be too late. But still, what are your secrets? Is it...clones?

JADE: Joel! —she’s laughing again.— Timeline and then theories. —she clears her throat— After that long silence, a Tweet emerges. January 8th. "Can’t believe @majored SPAT on me and called me a C-Blank-Blank-T when he checked into @SDFamilyMotel last night”. This places Major across the country from where we believed him to be, but acting so strangely that one must wonder… was that really him? Or was it someone that just looked like him? Or was it a cry for help? Nothing’s been heard since from @majored, which I guess… leads us to our theories. —a pause— You were saying… clones, Joel?

JOEL: Sheeeeesh, this is not @majored's year. I gotta say, this sounds totally different from the vibe that this guy used to put out on his social media. Obviously Instagram is fake blah blah blah, you know the spiel, but like. Damn. He spit on them? —a pause as he considers what his sibling has said— You know....I think that's a really good point. Was that even the real him? Will the real Ed Major please stand up?

JADE: I know. It just seems out of character, and terrible for a reputation, but it also would make sense if... One, this is a fake @majored, meant to stir up controversy before he goes underground again. And with an action like spitting on someone and calling them a name like that? Who cares what the dude does after that? Unfollowed, cancelled, whatever. And why would this guy want to go underground, well, I'm glad you're so interested. Well, the official Cryptwins theory is that maybe... just maybe, the crazy, government cover-up Montauk that we all know and love isn't that far from truth. We see that they have means of covering up shadows —she lets out a laugh— and people whose faces just change? And who else is there, @spencerkeahi, someone who explains rehabilitation, maybe someone who has experience helping people get used to being a clone? @ime.are, a nurse who enjoys taking videos of people fighting? It all adds up, people!

JOEL: Yeah, seriously. With the real @majored MIA, there would be no one to combat the backlash from this supposed...clone? Imposter? And maybe that’s what they want. Looks like Montauk isn’t the ideal vacation spot anymore, huh? Even if their seaside cabins are super chill and homey. But I digress. Something sinister is going on. Something bigger than we can even imagine. A secret underground facility that’s...cloning influencers? Training them? Your guess is as good as mine. And that’s why we’re on this road trip, isn’t that right Jade? To get some answers?

JADE: Exactly. —it sounds as though she is holding back a laugh or a cough.— Cross country roadtrip in which we explore different topics like this one, and on the way, we'll document our progress and any spooky encounters. Check out our insta, @cryptwins to get all the updates, and consider hitting us up on Patreon if you want us to be able to afford the gas to get all the way to the east coast.

JOEL: I’ll be posting behind the scenes content in the “ROADTRIP” highlight on my Insta throughout the trip so be sure to check my stories. You might get lucky and find some special codes for Creature Comforts but, hey. You didn’t hear it from me. -he laughs and there’s the distinct sound of a bag of chips being opened- What Jade meant to say is gas and snack money. So yeah, go go go! Check out the Patreon! We might even do a giveaway at the end of our trip, get you guys some cool souvenirs we pick up on our travels. Not a bad idea, eh?

JADE: Joel, my ears are literally bleeding right now. Thanks. Anyway, our second theory will also be exclusive to our Patrons, so be sure to get the full video there. Cryptwins... out...

Her voice fades out and the music from the beginning fades in, takes over, and plays until the end of the track.

[dyketectivecomics]

Cassandra Cain

HELL YEAH LETS GO

Favorite thing:

Cass is so bright and has such a great sense of humor actually??? Like. From start to finish her batgirl run was so much FUN and had so much HEART and she’s just such a good character??? I love her

Least favorite thing:

Other than fandom treatment of her, I really fucking hate the Orphan moniker. That’s felt more and more like a slap in the face with each passing month honestly. I’m just 🙃🙃🙃 very bitter.

Favorite line:

“The only thing more ridiculous than thinking I don’t know how to cheat... is choosing to wear that outfit into combat.” -said to Huntress and tbh... I cried laughing lmao

Friend-Ships:

Her and Babs relationship makes me v 🥺🥺🥺 otherwise I just wish more of her relationships with her brothers could be like. Properly explored. DC rlly said ‘yeah we’ll have Bruce officially adopt her’ only to then push her out to Hong Kong just aksjak THANKS I HATE IT

Romantic-Ships:

Oh god, Stephcass, CassRae, CassCass, there’s others uhhh I like KonCass but only just as a comphet thing now (esp from Cass’ end lmao she’s wlw and y’all Can’t convince me otherwise) OH. CASSROSE!!

Don’t Ship:

Other than the Obvious uhhhh, again, not too fond of shipping Cass with boys haha she’s a lesbian harold

Random Headcanon:

When Cass is Batman she doesnt take like, selfies with Gothamites or anything BUT she DOES make it a point to randomly show up in pictures like the lovable cryptid she was always meant to be lmao. Bruce WISHES he could’ve attained #ConfirmedUrbanCryptid status.

Unpopular Opinion:

Cass is??? Actually a pretty angry character? And it esp obvsly gets erased when fandom portrays her as the demure/quiet Favorite Child but??? The reason WHY she’s the perfect bat to take on the mantle is BECAUSE she DOES reflect a lot of Bruce’s passion and especially his anger! (How she channels it is a bit different but that’s a convo that the greater batfandom Isnt ready to have 💅)

Song I Associate with them:

“Speaking Voice” by Coin! I was listening to the band a lot around the time that I started getting into Cass so... this just kinda will never be unassociated with her now lmao. And yknow... I think it works actually.

Fav pic of them:

There’s a lot of pics of Cass that slap, but this outfit from the HQ&BoP tie-in just REALLY makes me happy I just 📸📸📸

[skekheck]

27-29 for skekMal. 1-4 for skekSo.

SkekMal:

27. Is there anything they’re bad at?

Being a decent being, that’s for sure. And socializing: skekMal has no social skills or manners. He’s basically Thra’s cryptid and lives by his own rules so he feels he doesn’t need it. 

28. What’s their morning schedule?

He gets up very early, just before the first sun rises over the horizon. He does stretches and maybe runs around the forest a little to get the heart pumping. He’ll stop by a water source to drink, fill up his gourd, or (on rare instances) bathe. Sometimes he might stop, find a rock, and sharpen his blades as he waits for the first sun to come up. Then, he’s ready for a day of hunting. 

29. Any past injuries?

Too many to count. His body is riddled in scars, plenty of which he sees as mistakes and victories of his previous hunts. He could tell one the stories behind them if there was anyone he would allow to listen. One in particular, a giant X that sprawls across on the palm of one of his hands, is a different reminder.  A self-inflicted scar of independency and severance, splitting away from the one thing that held skekMal back. It is a symbol of his full dedication to the Hunt. But on some days, when the aches in chest are at their strongest, the scar angers him. Then it becomes a reminder of the one good thing he gave up. 

SkekSo:

1.How do they feel about people shorter/taller than them?

As the Emperor, he prefers everyone to be shorter than him. He feels he has greater control and a sense of superiority being able to tower over his subjects. But this isn’t always the case as plenty of skeksis in his court are taller than him. He can’t stand that they make him feel... small. Weak. He makes sure those skeksis in particular bow extra low to him.

2. What are they like on social media? (What’s their username, profile pic, etc.)

He’d be one of those political influencers, spewing propaganda about how great the skeksis empire is and all the “great” things they do for the gelfling.

3. Their sexuality?

He be gay. 

4. Preferred weather?

He rarely leaves the confines of his castle so he no longer cares what kind of weather goes on outside it. But on those rare occasions he prefers a nice clear day with all of the three suns overhead. He’ll step out onto the balcony and look out, seeing his empire in all of its glory. It’s these moments that give him a sense of peace. 

[lonelypond]

Moonlight Becomes You: Apocalypse Midnight Dance Party, Ch. 24

NicoMaki, NozoEli, RinPana, KanaMari, YoshiMaru, YouDia, Love Live/Love Live Sunshine, 1.9K, 24/?

Summary: Rin arrives on the scene, Nico ignores the problem, Hanamaru prepares for a trip.

Rin To The Rescue

“MAKI!!!!”

Maki was sitting in the room You had taken her to, staring at her phone, wondering what she could say to Nico, wondering why Nico wasn’t texting her, angry that Nico could just leave. Maki had been there through Nico’s rabid feral roommate crisis and this, this...Nico had just gone out the door.

“MAKI!!!!!!”

Rin? Here?

Pounding on the door.

“Maki?!?!?? Are you in there? Are you arrested?!!???! I’ll break you out.”

It was Rin. Only Rin would be yelling things like that in the middle of a police station. Maki almost giggled, forgetting Nico for a moment.

“Get in here.” Maki opened the door, grabbed Rin and dragged her inside, “Why are you here?”

“You left me in Canada.” Anger was a rare look on Rin’s kind face, but Maki could feel the glare.

“It was an emergency.”

“Leaving me in Canada is an emergency, Maki.”

Maki slumped, “I’m sorry, Rin.” Head in hands, Maki was torn between aggravation at Rin here confronting her and relief that Rin was here, confronting her. Wait…”How are you here?”

“Kayo-chin tracks our phones.”

“WHAT?!!!” Maki was on her feet again, looming, but Rin didn’t back away.

“That’s not the problem.” Rin wagged a finger under Maki's nose.

“That is the problem.”

“Why are you under arrest?”

“I’m not.”

“You were locked up.”

Maki sighed. Rin was a very literal person.

“I did that.”

“Why?”

Maki didn’t even know where to start. Why was she here? Nico left...Dia, Dia…”Oh gods.”

Maki closed her eyes and sank to the floor. “Mama.” Dia had called her Mama. And Eli had three tails and Maki’s mother was buddy buddy with cryptid central’s favorite cop…

“Maki, what’s wrong?” Rin was sitting beside her, only concern in her voice. Of all Maki’s blessings, the biggest was her friends. Rin and Hanayo had been there so many times. All the music Maki could ever write couldn’t repay them for helping her acknowledge what she wanted in her life.

Maki always told them the truth.

“Dia thinks I’m her mother.”

“Who’s Dia?”

Oh right, Canada. Maki stood, “C’mon, it’ll be easier to show you.”

“Oooh, field trip.”

“There’s a lab. Don’t blow anything up.”

Rin saluted.

###

Nico paid the driver, forgot to tip, or smile, or speak. Step out of the car, walk to door, unlock door, open door, throw phone into couch where the vibrations would be absorbed and Nico could ignore them, head to room, pack for trip. Be a professional. Maki obviously didn’t know anything about being a professional with her house that could be used for an action movie set and gigs she could have her lawyer on retainer cancel at a whim. Not professional. Nico would never cancel, unless it was a family emergency…family...

No. Not going there. Nico survived by focusing. And Nico always survived. And thrived. Everything would work out.

Nico wasn’t sure if that was the buzz of her phone she heard before she slammed her bedroom room door.

###

Hanamaru enjoyed visiting Riko. Although this occasion was not so pleasant, with Yoshiko so worried. But Hanamaru always relished opening the shop door and stepping out into a future where more care was being taken of people and the planet. That care, that hope made the entire atmosphere more...sparkling, like water droplets in sunlight over cresting waves, a tingling exhilaration. But Yoshiko’s nightmares were concerning. The candles and incense as Hanamaru entered her meditative state had soothed the worries, just long enough for her to focus on Riko, the prophet's bright tone dampened by anxiety. As Hanamaru stood there, centuries of books a fortress, ready to leave this safe space to meet Yohane’s prophet, she wondered what would be changed on the other side of the door.

Open, step out, breathe in, the sparkle gone, replaced by the slightest tang of ash burn. Then hurry.

###

Dia stared. Younger Rin was exactly the same as the Rin she knew, all bouncy energy and pushing Maki ahead of her into rooms and adventures.

“So where’s this Dia?”

How had Rin got here and what had Maki told her? Probably everything. Rin had always known more about Maki than anyone other than Nico. Dia wasn’t sure if she should actually look up from where she was titrating a test mixture to add to a milliliter of Eli’s blood. Nope, she was just going to keep glancing shyly.

Rin hmmed, extravagantly, hand on her chin, circling Dia. “No eye contact, tall, smart, mole like your mom…” And then Dia was in a crushing hug.

“Bzzzzzttttt…let go!!!” Dia jumped back off the stool, dropping the glass burette she was using. Startled, Eli started whining, Nozomi trying to shush her.

“She’s a Nishikino, all right. All prickly.” Rin hugged Dia again, “Welcome to the family. Your Aunt Kayo-chin will be so excited to meet you.”

Maki rolled her eyes. Rin being here made everything less strange but a lot noisier. Dia seemed to have relaxed slightly.

Rin threw questions out, rapid fire. “So are you from Norway? Do you like lamb and cabbage stew? Did it hurt?”

“What?!!!!!???” Dia hissed.

Of course Rin went there. Maki doubled over with laughter. Dia looked so confused. “There is still no such thing as mystical monkey time travel, Rin.”

Rin, a ridiculously smug look on her face, raised and lowered a hand pointed at Dia and then widened her eyes at Maki, sticking out her tongue.

Dia giggled.

###

You hustled down the hall. She'd done all the Dia errands she could while here and now it was time to check on her friends. Who were doing exactly what she expected. Not coping well. Yoshiko anyway. You's office was way too small for Yoshiko’s increasing cloud of gloom and her worries over Dia. Kanan was her usual unruffled self, sitting at You’s computer, texting Mari and laughing at the memes Mari sent back.

“We’re all going to die.” Yoshiko muttered as soon as You entered.

“Cheerful.” You closed the door quickly.

“WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!”

Yoshiko’s wings unfurled, slapping You on the cheek, Kanan glanced up, snapped a pic, and sent it to Mari.

Yoshiko, panic transforming into kinetic energy, was now hovering several inches off the floor that all of You’s loose paperwork was now occupying due to wing windspeed.

You grabbed Kanan’s phone, “Take her somewhere. Where’s Hanamaru?”

“ZURAMARU!!!!!!” A wail. “Zuramaru walks into a future that no longer exists, to risk all for a chance to gain wisdom from the prophet who sees into my dreams.”

“Riko.” You rubbed her forehead, cheek still stinging. “I’d like to take care of this with common sense, not more people ‘borrowed’ from the future.”

Kanan snorted, “Common sense lost the race when the dark angel here dropped her kidnap victim into the pool.”

“I didn’t kidnap her,” whining, “We could have had a simple chat, but she had to…”

You held up a hand, her voice edged with anger, “Just stop there, my friend, before I think too much about what you actually did to Dia.”

Yoshiko landed, wings pulled over her head, subdued.

Kanan leaned back in You's chair, arms behind her head. “Least it’s quieter in here now. Can I have my phone?”

“You are not helping. Please get Yoshiko out of here. I’m going to clear everybody but Dia out of the lab and try to do damage control.”

“Look cute. Use your adorable smile.” Kanan winked, “Charm her.”

“This is not a date.”

“You can’t date her, you can’t mix someone from the now now and someone from new then, or someone from the now then and someone from…” Yoshiko paused, temporarily choked up, confusion had put panic in a full nelson, “It’s a now no no.”

“I’m not dating anyone. I’m not interested in anyone. I’m just someone Dia doesn’t want to clock on the jaw.”

Kanan raised an eyebrow, but after a glance at the quivering Yoshiko decided to help You, not contradict her. She stood, her hand on the fallen angel's shoulder. “C’mon, Yoshiko, Hanamaru might be back by now. Mari says she dropped her off more than an hour ago.”

“See you later and tell her I said ‘hey.” You was half out the door, tossing Kanan her phone. “And text me what she finds out.”

“You.” Kanan sounded serious.

“Yeah?”

“Be careful.”

A grin and a cocky salute, “Ay Ay.”

###

There was a new person in the room. You counted again. Dia, Maki, three tailed Eli, Nozomi, and the new person. “Why is there a new person??”

“I’m Rin, Maki’s bestie. I rescued Maki from jail. Are you the cop?” Rin and Eli were nose to nose, and You couldn’t shake the sudden image of a ginger cat facing off against the Russian very mixed breed. “You’re pretty.” Rin reached for one of the tails. Eli swatted her. “And weird. Want to play fetch?”

“Rin.” Maki winced, glad Nico wasn’t here to hear that.

“What? She’s probably bored. Science is boring.”

“No, it’s not.” Dia muttered as she added to the list of things she needed You to acquire. “I need some more supplies.”

“Gimme the list.” You hopped over to the table.

“She seems helpful for a cop.” Rin was now standing next to Maki. Eli was following You. Nozomi seemed to be thinking.

“I’m a Coast Guard officer.”

“Lieutenant Commander and police liaison.” Dia slid her notepaper toward You.

“Why don’t we just call Mama?” Maki frowned at a stain on the wall, “There are much better labs at the hospital.”

You rubbed her hair, “Yeah, that might be a good option. We can just tell Dr. Nishikino we’re working on…”

“An antibody therapy.” Dia filled in.

“I thought you were working on a vaccine?”

“Those other cryptid blood samples you found and I tested had the same viral material as Eli’s. I think it’s much more prevalent in that population than anyone is aware so an antibody treatment would be of more immediate help.”

“So would anybody’s infected blood be good?” You asked.

Dia shook her head, “There’s something else in Eli’s blood. I think it’s helping her fight it.”

Maki sighed, “She is a lot calmer. Nico had me bring a muzzle…”

Eli growled a warning.

Maki held up both hands, “Sorry.”

“If I had a sample from when she had a single tail, it would be easier to isolate.”

“Is Eli in any danger?” Nozomi asked softly. Everyone jumped a little.

“I believe she’s past the riskiest stage.” Dia smiled at Nozomi.

“Will she stay like this?” Nozomi knelt, to gather an eager Eli into her arms.

Dia glanced at You, then spoke confidently, “The Eli I know is in complete control.”

You threw up her hands, “Got the winning lottery numbers for tomorrow? I need a change of luck. Yoshiko’s rubbing off on me.”

Rin petted You on the head. “You’re fun. And cute." Rin gave Maki a thumb's up. "I like our new friends, Maki.”

Maki was going to cry if she laughed and Nico still wasn’t calling or texting. Maybe that room You had taken her to was still empty.

“I’ll go call Mama.”

Dia watched her leave. Rin came around the lab table to give Dia a hug, “She’ll be okay.”

Dia nodded, desperate not to cry. You pulled a clean, delicate handkerchief embroidered with little flowers from somewhere and handed it over. “We got this.”

It was the wink that did it, launching Dia into full tears into Rin’s shoulder. You should have just kept quiet.

A/N: May

[snapecanslytherinin]

How are they still employed??

I hope you enjoy!! No warnings just fun times!!!

Word count: 2099

..........................................

How they got employed? Well that is relatively easy to answer; they all aspired to be a part of the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico, Virginia and showed great strengths with the ability to easily pinpoint the places the criminals would flee, along with having an outstanding skill in getting information from them that they needed. How they STAYED employed? I can promise you that it is a mystery to each of them at this point. Between the pranks they pull, how much they truly annoy Strauss and how they all barely manage to turn in paperwork done correctly and on time, it is truly an American mystery by now.

There is the time that Kira was caught posting criminal dick pics on Strauss' facebook account, thank god Aaron was the one to catch Kira, or they may have gone missing. Or the time Vel kept hacking the main sound system and played emo hits for the entire day which only made her sad. Then you have the time that Sammy 'kept telling Reid blatantly incorrect facts which ended with him crying in Hotch's office and Hotch taking away Sammy's internet at work for a week. While they may be crucial to the team and how they function, everyone has thought about giving them three their own office to share, hoping to keep the chaos controlled. I feel the best way to explain how these heroes function is just a list of the chaos from the past month.

Kira

1. Monday morning, at precisely 8:30, the bull pen is filled with the sound of a scream from Vel who is currently standing on Reid's desk, using him as a personal shield. Hotch comes flying out of his office, only to see a cackling Kira in the corner and instantly knows Vel has been pranked. Sighing and walking to the back of her desk he sees a rubber realist spider, and rips it off from where its taped. Kira instantly knows they are in trouble when they see the famous Hotchner glare.

"My office. Now."

2. "So how do you think he will react?" Kira asks perched at the edge of Sammy's desk.

"I don't know, but keep me out of it. I'm still in trouble for stapling Hotch's tie to the desk." Before Kira could react, a bombing Italian voice sounds from behind them.

"Kira, I know you are the culprit. Stop putting pasta sauce in my drawers. Do you understand how infuriating it is to expect a pen but get A JAR OF PASTA?!?"

3. Sitting in front of the criminal with Emily at Kira's side, they stare dead at the creep, surprisingly making them shift uncomfortably in the seat avoiding eye contact. The team needed information and decided that Kira was best fit to make him regret ever keeping a secret.

"So" Kira finally speaks up, " you like to murder people huh?"

"Yeah, sure. Why else would I do it?" They answer back sarcastically?"

"Tell me, how would you murder me?"

Walking from the interrogation room, criminal pulled off behind them, Kira walks straight to Hotch, a Proud look across their face, Vel and Sammy running over to hear the news.

"How did you get him to talk?" Hotch questions, a weary eyebrow raised.

"Well I asked how he would murder me, and he isn't a sexual sadist, so APPARENTLY vigorously letting out sexual moans when he explains what he would do and talking about getting some alone time together, it can really make a murderer uncomfortable, and fess up."

Vel

1. Rolling in to the bull pen, Vel slides by Morgan and spins to face the others desk, sitting on top of her own, slushie in hand. Losing a deal with Kira, Vel had to show up to work in roller skates, and deciding to spice it up some, she chose to add heart sunglasses, a work appropriate red flared skirt and a FBI navy shirt she found at a goodwill a year back.

"What in the world are you wearing?" Morgan asks a smile making an appearance.

"I lost a bet, so this is my work outfit. Nowhere does it say I can't wear roller skates. The sunglasses and space buns are just to add to the effect. I think it's very work appropriate!"

The first two hours of the day went along without a hitch until she was called into Strauss' office, for some unknown reason.

"What are you wearing Agent?"

"Well ma'am, I looked through the entire handbook and it says nothing about roller skates, my skirt is the correct length, and if I'm honest, I think I look amazing."

She was excused from the office since, she was correct and Strauss couldn't say a word about it, having her get back to work. Instead of doing the files she needed done, she chose bother Morgan by trying to talk him into getting a pair, showing them off to a proud Rossi and also getting avoid by Hotch, since every time they crossed paths, Vel would grab his sleeve for a free ride, and he refused to let the office see him cackling at the interaction he actually found amusing.

2. It was a rainy Friday afternoon, which resulted in Vel choosing to stay in for lunch, and bug the shit out of Hotch until he murdered her, or found a way to shoo her off; which would be quite hard, because she knew how to talk her way out of a goodbye, jesus does this child have issues? (yes)

Hanging upside on the couch, legs crossed over the back, Vel sat there as a disgruntled Hotch was placed a few feet away at his desk, trying to finish his current pile of work.

"Do you think star fish have feelings?"

"I don't know, Vel."

"Would you kiss Rossi for 500 bucks?"

"I'd rather choke."

"If I lost my voice what would you do?"

"Cry happy tears, probably."

"Fuck, marry, kill; Me, Morgan, JJ?"

"Language, Agent."

"Answer the question."

"Kill Foyet, get rich, never play this game again."

"Nothing about that answer was correct!"

"Fine, fuck, marry, kill, me or Morgan. Only two choices."

"Kill myself."

"WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS!!"

"You are super pretty, Hotch, you know that?"

"Thank you. Please shut up."

"Do you like me?"

"I can't imagine where I would be without you and the other two migraines."

That left a smiling Hotch and a quite Vel, choosing to take a nap, now tired from all of her questions. Plus who could pass up a nap on his couch?

Sammy

1. "No okay, but hear me out, Reid. It's a talking Mongoose!"

"It isn't real Sammy! why would you believe that!"

It is the last time Reid will insult Sammy's cryptids, I mean what kind of monster do you have to be to argue with Sammy about something so fun and exciting!

It is a week later on the jet, coming back from a long case in Ohio and everyone is thrilled to finally go home. After take off everyone does their own things, Hotch and JJ do some finalizing on paperwork, Morgan listens to music, Rossi and Emily share a drink, Kira and Vel watch a horror movie together, which normally Sammy would join, but instead he sits next to boy genius, rereading a book.

"Wanna play some chess?" He asks with a chipper tone.

"Of course Sam, I'd love to!"

Pulling the board over to them, Sam asks if Reid will grab them some drinks, to which he obliges leaving Sammy alone with the board. Quickly setting up the pieces, he adds a little extra love to Spencer's pieces, him arriving shortly after.

"Let's get this game started!" Trying to move a black piece, Spencer's eyes grow wide before letting out a girlish screech, realizing that Sammy glued his pieces down to the chess board.

While that action got him work grounded for two months, and the out of pocket money to buy a new board, Sammy was content, and Reid learned to not question the cryptids ever again.

2. Sammy wasn't one to often interrogate, usually bored by the slow place or ready to fist fight the room's occupant, but when he does enter that work area you can imagine, just like Kira and Vel, he himself also has an interrogation quirk that shows itself in each case.

"Listen, just fess up to the fucking murder, and I'll hand over the candy of mine you've been eyeing the entire time."

"THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL ASK! ARE YOU GOING TO ADMIT TO FIRST DEGREE MURDER, IF I CAN PROMISE YOU'LL GET A LIFE TIME SUPPLY OF COOL RANCH DORITOS!?!?"

"Okay I know this is super serious, and I usually offer the snacks to the criminals for information, but Hotch, if I can talk Vel into sharing her Mac n Cheese cups with you on the jet, will you go drink some water, you look like you could pass out."

All of that is relatively normal, but the next encounter is not something anyone on the team expected to happen, and frankly, caused Vel to have to use her inhaler from laughing so damn hard.

There the team sat, a long dark wood table in the court room, under their clasped hands as they awaited the trial for themselves. The BAU has gotten in trouble before, but when they failed to remove all by standers before trying to take down and apprehend a bomber, resulting in injuries, there they all stood on trial for their actions. In front of them were the supervisory board, all very scary mean looking men, who were bound to scare Penelope and Vel more than any criminal they've seen before. Each person got their own moment alone with the board to speak, although he others were still near by and could hear the events of each private session. Sammy's came third to last, passing Emily who was on her way out. Sitting down he crossed his arms on the table and looked as professional as Hotch could convince him to, waiting for the question to be asked. After arguing with them for what seemed like every question, Sammy had, had enough and knew he was going to be suspended anyways, so thought to have at least a good exiting line.

“Would you like a snickers, Sir? They say you aren’t you when you’re hungry and you are being annoying as fuck right now.”

With that last comment he was excused with a week extra of suspension, but he couldn't care less. He got to get away from that grouch bag and that's just an extra week to go visit his favorite folklore.

THE THREE PIGEONS (DON'T ASK, NO ONE KNOWS)

1. No day was greater for the pigeons, than when they decided to hide tiny plastic babies around the office. They put them where ever they could manage; in everyone's coffee cups, taped to pens, glued to paperclips. The best was when Hotch when to open his bottom desk drawer only to find it filled with tiny babies, the look on his face causing the trio to burst out laughing, and out themselves as the culprits.

2. When I tell you they like to mess with Hotch, I mean this man can never get a moment of silence when they are around (Even though he enjoys their company, he would never admit it) which brings us to the great season of summer, when he couldn't get them vacation time to go camping, he walked into his office the next day, to see a tent step up in the center of the room and his furniture pushed to the side. On the floor sat the group, in pjs, laying in sleeping bags and watching a movie on a tv they somehow managed to get in. The day was filled with forcing to watch one with them on his lunch break, having to quiet the laughter when he got a phone call, and by the end of the day, the whole team was in Hotch's office to do paperwork and enjoy the "camping".

Although they create mass chaos and definitely made some things harder than they have to be, the team would be lost without them, and they sure in hell would be lost without each other in this work force. Now just wait until you hear the story of how they become the BAU teams fuck toys ;) [for legal reasons that last comment was a joke....unlessssss]

@davidrossi-ismydad @good-heavens-chris-evans