#get dat snow

[lokiina]

👅❄️

[evadingreallife]

@ ao3 cmoooon, not even one tiny itty bitty kaiju no 8 xover with tokyo ghoul? Are you serious?? That cant be right

[restlessmaknae]

melody of your heartbeat // taesan

You had once given up Dongmin to chase your dreams of being an idol, and when your dream gets crushed, he's the last person you expect to see at your new agency. Turns out he's been looking out for you all this time.

➳ Characters: songwriter!Taesan x songwriter!female reader/you

➳ Genre: coming of age, high school au, music industry au, colleagues au, roommates au, second chances, mostly hurt/comfort with fluff and angst scenes too

➳ Words: 18.4k

➳ Warning: mentions of losing weight, lack of hunger, food, drinks, cursing, minor character death, grandparents' health deteriorating, emotionally unavailable parents, funeral, dieting, period

➳ A/N: The story's structure is present-past-present as indicated by the timers in caps lock. Places, names and characters are fictitious, and Taesan's birthname is used in the story.

➳ Dedicated to: @dat-town I love you more than words could explain❤️

PRESENT

You felt like you were in a daze these past few days; sleepwalking through days and not grasping reality around you. You felt like you were stuck in this limbo, this state of being and not being at the same time, lack of hunger chasing lack of interest, nightmares following sleepless nights. Sunrise was no better than sunset, and even if you saw the world around you in a brighter colour for a moment, you were pulled back into darkness the next.

You didn’t even dare look into the mirror for you would see the dark circles under your eyes, accompanied by their puffiness that didn’t seem to go away because you always had another reason to cry. When it seemed like you had no more tears to cry, you were proven wrong.

There were better days, of course, when your heart was a little lighter, and you could almost pretend that you were fine. Nothing happened, sure, nothing happened. The cashier at the corner store didn’t know what you had been through. The bus driver on your way back to the dorm had no idea who you were and what you had lost. The many people walking down the streets outside your dorm’s window went about their days just fine, and all you could do was wonder how they did it. It felt like such a distant phenomena to you; the art of being okay, or at least, the art of pretending to be fine.

You had four days to pack up and leave. It was a slap in the face. You had been a trainee at the company for 9 years, and now you had four days to wrap it all up. Four days that tasted like forever in your state.

“You have to understand. We’ll use all of our money to fund CLIQUE’s debut, we won’t have any money for trainees.”

You had to understand, of course, but what about them? Didn’t they have to understand that it wasn’t fair that though you had come out on top in all monthly evaluations, you didn’t make the cut for CLIQUE? You were now too old to debut with a bunch of 15-19-year-old girls as a 22-year-old one. They just couldn’t have told you before, through all those months when you had kept practising, singing, writing and dancing, your muscles aching, your vocal chords hurting, your heart breaking and yet... you were just tossed to the side because you were too old.

“Everyone was in agreement that you wouldn’t fit in with the final line-up,” they said as if it was of any condolence.

It wasn’t.

So you just stared out of the window of the room you had taken up as yours, where you had written and produced hundreds of songs, oftentimes accompanied by rustling papers of snacks and plastic cups of coffee, daytime bleeding into nighttime, lighting up the streets outside the window. You had seen trees bloom and leaves wither, snow weighing down on rooftops and rain washing away anything that got in its way.

You had started out as a 13-year-old girl with big dreams and a big heart, but as time went by, your softness turned into spikes and your naivety into pessimism. You had been put into a trainee survival show at 17, one where you would have made the final line-up if the voting had not been rigged. Though it had turned into a big scandal, you had not been given a second chance. Life wasn’t fair like that. You had lost your grandfather at 19, and you hadn’t even been granted leave for more than the day you had attended his funeral. And for what? For this...

For the past three days, you could only cry. Today, you were numb, moving through the day like a ghost, collecting your stuff from every corner of the building, and hating everyone because they were so bubbly, so lively, and there you were, lost and confused and just mad.

You managed to speak to the manager at the corner store where you worked besides being a trainee, and he let you work more hours, so at least you would continue to make money. Your aunt also offered to let you stay with her till you found your footing again since they had a guest room that you could use. It was either her house with your two little cousins (Hamin who was 8 and Hajin who was 6) and your uncle or a guesthouse because your parents lived on the other side of the country, and for now, you wanted to stay in Seoul.

It was 5:53pm when you walked out of the dorm, two suitcases, a handbag and a sports bag as your company, and stepped into the bustling, noisy outside world that was so in contrast to how you felt inside. It felt like walking through mud, heavy and never-ending, and you just wanted to stop the world around you.

But it didn’t stop, and you just hated it even more.

A honking sound pulled you back to reality, and you looked up in time to see your aunt waving from her car. You grabbed your suitcases’ handles tighter and headed towards the vehicle, only to be met with your rascal little cousins who - though tried to help with your suitcases - were too little to carry so much stuff, and chattered between themselves as if you weren’t even there.

“Hey, what about greeting your lovely cousin? Maybe give her a kiss?” Your aunt reprimanded them while putting your suitcases into the trunk. You couldn’t blame them though, you had only seen them once or twice a year since they had been born, you had surely not left a lasting impact on them.

“Kissing is so embarrassing,” Hamin said in all his boyish angst and made a gurgling sound. Hajin immediately followed his example, and then, they laughed about who made the weirdest sound.

“Okay, alright, but I’ll give her a hug,” the woman announced loudly enough for the kids to hear and did as she said so. She hugged you so tight, you were surprised at first but soon loosened up. “So happy to see you, Y/N. And so sorry about what happened. You deserve so much better,” she murmured into your hair, and you felt like you could cry. It was one thing being all in your head and wondering about what happened, but it was another thing hearing someone else acknowledge it.

If it hadn’t been for your cousins’ weird noises, you would have probably cried, but you could hold it back due to the circumstances. It didn’t mean that you weren’t visibly under the weather for the duration of the car ride, so much that Hajin even asked:

“Did somebody hurt you?”

You caught your aunt’s eyes in the rearview, and she answered her daughter’s question instead of you.

“Yes, Y/N was hurt. You can’t see it, it’s not like scraping your knee, it’s more like being really sad... like when you lost your favourite plushie, you know, Duckie, on vacation, and we didn’t know whether we could find it again."

“So are we searching for her Duckie?” Hajin blinked at you with her wide, bright eyes swimming in childhood innocence, and you nodded, your voice coming out raspy.

“Yes, we can say so.”

The next few weeks were a blur. You didn’t know whether it was Monday or Friday anymore, you didn’t know whether it was November or December, you lost track of time completely. You worked your shift at the store, and you spent your nights sending out songs to agencies, ones that were looking for songwriters and producers.

Even though your dream of being an idol had been crushed, you didn’t know what else to do apart from music, so you couldn’t give up. You just didn’t want to put yourself through the same ordeal you had gone through before, and decided that with your hundreds of songs - a dozen of those had actually been used by your previous agency’s girl group who had left the company after their 7-year contract was up and a few other up-and-coming artists -, you would give it a try.

To no avail.

Until one day, you got an email from KOZ, saying that they found your Soundcloud account, and they would like to hear a few more of your recent songs. You were so perplexed at first that you assumed that it was a scam, and didn’t answer. Then, you got another email, and decided to give it a try after checking that the email address matched with their Talent Development team’s official email address.

Then, it was all a blur again. You were called in for a personal interview, then a few days later, you were offered a fixed 1-year contract with the possibility of extension if you proved yourself to be talented and working well with their artists. Then came the usual legal stuff, the NDAs and the tour around the company, the many new faces and the many new introductory meetings.

You were in the middle of your first week at the company when you decided to test a few of its equipment and book a room for yourself. They said that all rooms that were in the system were free to take, so you randomly chose one, and walked into it at the assigned time slot, only for it to be scattered with a few oddly specific things. There was a worn-out notebook with pages torn out and put back in again on the desk beside a black cat figure, a half-empty coffee cup, a box of napkins and a black leather jacket thrown over the revolving chair in front of the desk.

You tilted your head in confusion and you were about to see if you were actually in the right room when someone walked into the place, and you froze on the spot.

The same jet-black eyes, the same jet-black locks, the same lanky figure, and the same galaxies in his dark orbs, ones that you could have gotten lost in back in high school. You felt them draw you in now, but your shock was greater than your amazement, so they didn’t get you this time.

“Oh… Dongmin, you…” You croaked out, not finding your voice at first. “Dongmin, what are you doing here?” You asked more confidently now, and there was an almost amused tilt to his lips as he leaned against the doorframe.

“I could ask you the same thing, Y/N,” the way he said your name sent a chill down your spine, and you were almost about to say that you were happy to see him, but his next comment made you backtrack. “Plus, to you, it’s Taesan sunbae.”

Taesan? Hmm, that was new.

Either way, the way he said ‘sunbae’ was the part that got to you more. You didn’t know whether you should roll your eyes or pin him to the ground with your unamused stare, but you didn’t appreciate the wording.

“I’ve been a trainee longer than you have.”

“But I’ve been here longer than you have,” he pointed out matter-of-factly, and sure, you could not argue with that because you didn’t know how long he had been at KOZ.

“How long have you been here? You were still at Seoul Sirens last time I checked,” you inquired, keeping your voice even, but you were actually very curious how he had ended up here.

You had been with him when he had been accepted into Seoul Sirens back in high school; you remembered how he had tried to seem unaffected because he had always said that he would get in, but he couldn’t hide his proud smile for the rest of the day. Truthfully, it had probably started for you back then; growing fond of him, that is.

Dongmin pushed himself off the frame and diminished the distance between you two in two long strides. You looked up at him, and though your frequent blinking probably gave you away, you tried to appear as unaffected by his proximity as possible. After all, Dongmin could not have wanted anything from you after your goodbye. There was no way he would still like you.

“Oh, you did check?” He quirked an eyebrow teasingly, bending his back, so that he could be at eye-level with you, searching for something in your eyes that you couldn’t decipher, but you just couldn’t tear your gaze away.

How much you wished to see him again after all those years, to look into his eyes and to hear from him that you would surely make it, and now that your wish was granted, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. It had been four years, why was your heart still racing?

Whatever Dongmin wanted to find in your eyes, he either didn’t succeed or he chose not to comment on it. Instead, he actually answered your question.

“Well, yeah. I was there for almost 4 years, and I switched afterwards, so it’s been around a year and a half here,” he explained, and you hummed. It was true that you had been looking him up more frequently after graduation and not so much in the recent year, so that could explain why you didn’t know about him working at KOZ.

“This is my studio, by the way,” he added, pulling you out of your thoughts, and now the randomly scattered objects seemed fitting. Especially the black cat figure.

“They’ve told me that the rooms that can be booked in the system are free to take,” you justified before he wanted to call you out on taking his place.

“Technically, yes, but it’s still my studio.”

There was no malice in his voice, no accusations, but whether he wanted to show off or just defend his stance, you couldn’t tell. It had been four years since you had last seen each other, and it seemed that you couldn’t read him as easily as you did before.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” you held up your hands as a sign of peace offering, and you walked around him to get to the door. You were almost outside when he called after you.

“Wait…” You turned around immediately, though if anyone asked, you wouldn’t know what you were hoping to hear from him. Nevertheless, you were still hoping, only for him to crash it with a simple:

“Nevermind. I’ll tell you another time,” he shook his head, and stepped up to his computer to restart it. He still turned around to watch the door close behind you, just like four years ago, when you had said your goodbye.

(He wanted to tell you that he was so happy to see you, and that he did see your name in the booking system, that’s why he left his producing room before coming back at the start of your time slot, so that he could bump into you.

Alas, words betrayed him, so he said nothing, just watched you leave like the fool he was.)

PAST

Han Dongmin was every girls’ high school crush. Tall, handsome and rumoured to be dreaming of a songwriter career, meaning that he was good with words. In his songs, at least. The reason most girls gave up on courting him was because he was awfully shy around girls, and barely talked to them. Except you.

Maybe it’s because you two were the only ones at your very much ordinary high school who dreamed of working in the music industry, and it bonded you, but still, he talked to you, but most of the time, you didn’t know what to do about it. Still, it fluttered you like it would flutter any 16-year-old girl who experienced what it meant to look forward to seeing a boy day after day for the first time, to get lost in his jet-black eyes, and to squeal a little when he got you some snacks from the corner store during lunch break because he said that you had seemed to lost some weight.

Dongmin’s parents were very supportive of his dreams, and he had his own producing software and kit at home before you even dared to use your agency’s resources. Maybe it stung a bit as well, the fact that his parents were so supportive when yours didn’t seem to care. Whilst it was better that they didn’t care than if they were against it, they were pretty distant either way ever since they sent you to live with your grandparents in Seoul, so that they could focus on work back home. So really, what were you expecting?

It wasn’t rare for kids to grow up beside their grandparents, and living in Seoul allowed you to chase your dreams, but at times, you wondered why they even had you if you had been living with your grandparents ever since you had been 6, meaning that you had already started elementary school in Seoul. As opposed to your parents, your grandparents always, always told you to dream big because they would be there to support you. Your grandmother had been there to hold your hand when you had auditioned for agencies, and she had cooked up the biggest feast you had ever seen when you had gotten in.

Then, your grandfather had been admitted into a nursing home after he started having trouble walking, and your grandmother had followed - mostly because she hadn’t wanted him to go alone. You had been 16 at the time, and though they would have let you live in their own flat, you had decided to move into the agency’s dormitory, so the empty flat wouldn’t remind you of the time you had spent there for nearly a decade.

So you started the first year of high school already living in the dorms, visiting your grandparents weekly at the nursing home without fail, restlessly chasing your dreams, and that’s when Dongmin showed up. He was there from day one, really, probably because he heard you say you were a trainee when you were doing the mandatory introductions during homeroom, and you defended his dream of becoming a songwriter when some douchebag thought it was funny to make a joke about how ridiculous kpop songs were, no one needed another one.

After a while, he seemed to be the first constant in your ever-changing landscape, and though you didn’t dare to show it, you were always looking for him in the hallways.

One day after school though, he was the one who came looking for you. You were packing up your stuff in the already half-empty classroom when he plopped down in the chair in front of yours.

“Hey!” Dongmin said casually as if you had not already spent lunch break together and talked about his favourite MCR songs in fourth break.

“Hey,” you greeted him back, waiting for him to say something because he always had something to say when his eyes were darting around the room like that; he was looking at anything but your face.

You finished zipping up your bag when he finally blurted out what he wanted to say.

“Can you help me choose out two songs to send in for an audition?”

To say that you were surprised would be an understatement. Though you had talked about music, auditioning and your trainee experience, he had never shared his songs with you before. To be precise, he always mentioned that ‘he was working on a song’ or that ‘he was trying this new technique with this song’, but he had never shown you his actual songs before. You didn’t push him because though you were a trainee, you knew that you weren’t an actual judge of quality when it came to songs.

Besides, Dongmin didn’t look like the type to just show anyone what he was working on, so the fact that he asked you to help him choose songs that he would use for auditioning was a big thing in your eyes.

“Of course,” you replied within a heartbreak, and you almost facepalmed yourself for being so overeager. Dongmin, on the other hand, merely smiled coyly - a rare sight from him -, and told you that he would send over the audio files, so you could listen to them whenever you saw fit.

“You don’t have to do this today or this weekend. It’s perfectly fine if you get back to me within a week,” he clarified hastily as if he was asking you to listen to days worth of audio files.

“Dongmin, it’s only six songs we’re talking about,” you reminded him with an amused smile, and the tip of his ears turned red. Your features softened at the sight, and something was pulling at your heartstrings. This meant a lot to him, you could tell, and of course, you could understand because you had been just as nervous to sing your audition songs to your grandparents in their living room.

“Besides, I’m really curious,” you admitted, and now it was your turn to blush. Gosh, you two really found each other with your teenage awkwardness and inability to hold a conversation without one of you flushing.

The boy cleared his throat before muttering, without even looking into your eyes:

“I hope you’ll like them.”

And you did. Though it was definitely odd to hear him sing about kissing ‘you’ and going crazy because of ‘you’ and other love-related lines (you just had to tease him about it when you gave your feedback), his songs were good. Not just lyrics or production-wise, but his voice was so good, too. It sounded different from his usual speaking tone, but there was this unique edge to his singing voice, and you didn’t tell him, but you didn’t listen to the songs just once. You kept listening to them when you wanted to shut out the hustle-bustle of the dorms, when you were commuting between the school and the agency, and you even showed them to your grandparents when you visited them in the nursing home.

And when Dongmin got into Seoul Sirens with the two songs you had chosen, you were ecstatic. He tried to hide his smile when he walked into the classroom that day, but you could tell something was up. He told you during the first break, on the rooftop of the school building with only the two of you there, and you couldn’t tell what took hold of you, but you found yourself hugging him out of joy.

“I’m so happy for you,” you squealed excitedly, and only let go of him when you realised how abrupt it must have seemed to him. Dongmin did seem shy and a bit awkward, but he seemed thankful as well.

In that moment, like a bright flash crossing the sky, you knew that you would like him to be happy, and you would like to be happy for him for a long time.

The survival show started during summer break between the first and second year of high school, but the last month overlapped with the first month of the new school year.

Since your teachers weren’t lenient with you because it wasn’t an arts high school where most students were trainees or already debuted idols, your attendance mattered, so you tried to squeeze in as many classes as you could without it affecting your preparation for the weekly performances. Dongmin was more eager than ever to seek out your company and he was the one who gave you notes when you were away. Though you always found it adorable that he had the handwriting of a middle school kid, now you were thankful that you could read everything.

Though it was tiring to juggle everything at the same time, and you couldn’t even see your grandparents in the meantime because you usually visited them over the weekend, and the show was on Saturday while you usually slept through Sunday, you pulled through. You were so close to making your dreams come true, you could almost feel it.

Then, of course, shit happened. Two weeks before the final show, you gave your best performance yet. You sang ‘Sudden Shower’, and the judges were thoroughly impressed, even joking that you looked like you sang from the bottom of your heart. Though you did neither confirm, nor deny it, rumour got out the next day that you were dating a boy at school, and though his face was blurred, the photos showed you and Dongmin walking out of school together, talking in the hallways and sitting beside each other at the canteen. You didn’t know who took them because you didn’t have enemies, but it was surely a classmate, and someone who didn’t wish you well.

When you went to school the following Monday, you asked Dongmin to meet you on the rooftop as it seemed like the safest option for you right now. You were fuming, but you didn’t want to let it show because you didn’t want to stir more drama. After all, anything could matter so close to the final show.

You let out a long sigh when you got to the rooftop. You looked around to check if it was just you two, but it seemed like it. One could never know these days though, it seemed.

Dongmin didn’t look differently than his usual self, but you had a feeling that he did see the rumours. Truthfully, when it came to anything survival show-related, he was already aware of it before you told him, so he must have been up-to-date with all kinds of news. That’s why you weren’t afraid to start with a statement:

“Dongmin, you have to tell them that we aren’t dating.”

“Why? They wouldn’t believe me,” he just shrugged his shoulders, and though he might have been right and he was usually this laid-back, you didn’t appreciate his calm and almost unbothered state under the circumstances.

“Why?” You felt your voice rise, something that was unlike you, especially towards Dongmin. You just couldn’t hold it back, hold yourself back anymore. “I’m currently on a survival show, and dating you might impact my chances to debut!”

Anything could impact your chances to debut. A contestant had been eliminated right after leaving an honest and constructive feedback about the show’s current no. 1 trainee, and another had been accused of being a bully back in middle school, and it got so bad that the girl had voluntarily left the show. You watched it happen stoically, blaming it on the competitive nature of this industry, but now that you were the victim, you wished you could be as cool-headed as before.

Dongmin leaned against the nearest rail, his hands in his pockets, his head hanging low. You just didn't get how he could act like this when he knew how desperately you wanted to make it, to make your dreams come true.

“Well, the fans who don’t want you in the debut group because you’re dating someone aren’t real fans,” he broke the silence, his voice neutral at best.

If you had been angry before, you would have been fuming now. You didn't even think of playing nice anymore, you just let it all out. Like a volcano that suddenly erupted, you let the words chase each other before you even thought about their impact.

“Argh, Dongmin, don’t you get it? Whether it’s a dating scandal, a bullying one or some weird edited photos emerging about me, it doesn’t matter which one, it’s going to have an impact. Even if it’s true, even if it’s not. You might want to be just a songwriter, but I want to be an idol who’s out in the public eye all the time.”

Dongmin snapped his head back to look at you, to look you in the eye, and for a moment, you thought he might understand. For a moment, you thought that it would be alright again, that the world would tilt back into balance, and he would be on your side again.

You were wrong though.

“Just a songwriter?” He repeated in disbelief, and if it had not been for him emphasising your wording, you would have not realised what you had just said. Obviously, you didn’t want to underestimate the role of songwriters, you merely wanted to show the contrast between someone who was out in the public eye and someone who was working behind the scenes, but you knew the moment he emphasized those words that you had lost this argument. Even if you tried to save it, it would be in vain.

“Dongmin, I didn’t mean-”

“Can’t wait for the time I will be the one writing songs for you,” he cut you off, and let out a snort. You had never seen him act like that, not towards you at least, and it scared you so much that you watched him walk away without calling after him, without him stopping at all.

Just like that, the volcano swept across the rooftop, and all it left in its wake was destruction.

You thought that you had lost Dongmin right then and there on the rooftop.

He had done his fair share though. Two days later, he had announced in the class group chat that you weren't dating him, and that everyone should refrain from making such allegations until checked with the parties involved. In a way, you were relieved because he did what you had asked him to, but it hurt that he didn't even reach out or want to meet you in the next couple of days.

However, you were too weary to care and too anxious to let something like further proof emerge, so you didn't seek out his company either. You didn't mind, you had your full focus on the show and practising, so you went straight to the company after classes and straight to the broadcast station for contestant-related duties. It was easier this way, you told yourself, it was better this way.

Though you couldn't help but feel thankful that the boy did send you a good luck text before the final show, something that you almost immediately replied to. It didn’t soothe your frazzled nerves, but you thought that it might be a kind of peace offering, and it reassured you a bit. At least that part of your life wasn’t a mess anymore.

Then, all at once, you felt like your world lost its axis and stopped spinning. It stilled, frozen in time and place, frozen in that moment when your name wasn’t called, when you couldn’t join the already announced members of the debut group, when you weren’t there hugging the other girls and shedding happy tears.

Because you didn’t make it.

You were so close to it, so close to making your dreams come true, you could practically taste the sweetness of success, and yet, the last step was missing from the ladder bridging fantasy and reality, and you fell into the pits of darkness beneath your feet that you tried oh so hard to ignore. You were helplessly clinging onto desperate hopes and reaching out for anything, anyone to break your fall, but to no avail. No one came to save you.

No one came to shelter you, to take you away from all the guilt, to keep you back from replaying your mistakes and slip-ups, to stop you from wondering about the what ifs. No one came to take your side against the agency and the other trainees who gave you belittling glances and looked at you as if you had been eliminated from the get-go. No one came to console you at school when you showed up for the first time after the show ended. Instead, everybody was staring and telling stories with their eyes or whispering behind your back. You didn’t know which one was worse.

No one came until Dongmin did.

You were on the rooftop like always when you needed some fresh air and a place to be away from the hustle-bustle of the busy classrooms and packed corridors. You were picking on a loose strand of your school uniform, your fingers absentmindedly fiddling with the fabric, while watching some first-year boys playing on the football field. They were playing seemingly without a care in the world, with a group of girls watching by the side and giggling over something between themselves.

All that childhood innocence, that carefree attitude was something that you envied because you never had it, you never had the chance to have it. And for what? For this? For sitting on the rooftop all alone because you didn’t have time to make friends and you even messed it up with Dongmin, and now even your dreams were crushed for the foreseeable future, and you didn’t know what else to do because that’s all you had been working for. You weren’t talented in anything other than music and dancing. Turns out you weren’t even talented enough in them…

You heard the rooftop’s creaking door signalling the arrival of another person, but you didn’t turn around to see who it was. You just hoped that whoever came up would leave soon, but when footsteps neared you, you turned your head the other way, not wanting anyone to see you in your state. To see the dark circles under your eyes, the puffiness of your face, the hollowness in your heart.

“Y/N…”

You would be able to recognise Dongmin’s voice anywhere, but instead of the butterfly wing-like heart flutters he usually triggered in you, now, all that was left was a squeezing feeling that made you want to gasp for air. You had to hold back a sob that was threatening to surface because he was still there, still calling your name even after everything when you deserved none of this.

“Y/N, look at me!” The boy asked you gently, something that he had never needed to ask before, but right now, you wished nothing but to hide.

Still, a tiny part of you decided to obey, and you turned towards him, but the moment you did so, and saw a guttural, vulnerable kind of empathy in his eyes, something that you had never seen before, something in you broke into tiny little pieces, the walls crumbling down around your closely guarded heart.

And just like that, the tears spilled again like a river, your vision blurring. The way the sobs surfaced was anything short of planned, it was some kind of inexplicable human need within you, something that you had no control over anymore, something that had been poking at you for the past few days, but you had tried to hold it in. You were stronger than this, you were better than this, and yet…

And yet… Dongmin didn’t look at you any differently. It would have been better if he had pitied you, thrown you disgusted glances or called you out on your sappy behaviour. It would have hurt less because that’s what you had been used to.

“Why aren’t you leaving?” You blurted out between two sobs. “I’m a mess,” you added as you reached to wipe away a few freshly shed tears.

Dongmin looked slightly to the side, and you were like, that’s it, this is when he would leave, but instead, he looked back at you, and took a step closer to you. Slowly, he reached his hand out, but it was hovering a few centimetres from your face. You weren’t sure whether it was because of your blurred vision, but it seemed like his hand was shaking slightly before he dared to touch your face. His touch was feather-like, gentle, despite the calluses on his hand, spreading warmth across your body, signalling to your brain that he was there, someone was really there to ground you.

“You aren’t a mess. You’re just hurt,” he spoke up so quietly that his words almost got lost in the cacophony of the world around you. Almost. You held onto them desperately, holding them close to your heart, and while he was wiping your tears away, he was wiping away the bandages over your broken heart, your most hidden thoughts spilling out.

“Apparently, I’m not enough, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be enough,” you croaked out, your voice coming out hoarse and raw.

He looked at you with so much emotion, so much care, so in contrast to his usual nonchalant attitude that your head was spinning, your brain was telling you to stop and leave him behind because you didn’t deserve him. Yet, your heart was there to hold onto him and his words and the galaxies in his eyes.

“You’re already enough, and those who didn’t vote for you can go to hell.”

You wished you could say that it was enough to hear this, but it wasn’t. There was something heavier weighing on you.

“What am I supposed to do now, Dongmin?” You asked him, the universe, anyone who cared to listen. “It’s already been four years, I feel like I’m slowly running out of time, and I have no idea what else to do. I can’t do anything else. I’m just… I’m just so lost.”

Your sobs reverberated through your whole body, and you closed your eyes to let the tears fall freely. You were shaking, internally breaking down, while Dongmin took another step closer to you, and a few seconds later, you found yourself embraced by him - tentatively at first but more and more tightly as seconds passed by. You sobbed into his chest, into the thin material of his school uniform, leaving wet stains on the white shirt like petals scattered in the wind.

“You’ve done well, Y/N,” he whispered like a secret, and if anything, you just sobbed harder.

Dongmin held onto you tighter, safe and steady, and though you had lost so many things in the past couple of weeks - years of practising that you could have spent making friends or studying harder, a dream that could have come true just in time for you to not think about giving up, your confidence seeing the results and a huge part of yourself -, at least, you didn’t lose him.

Everything and nothing changed at the same time after the survival show.

Though your confidence had taken a hit, it was a sickly twisted turn of events that the show turned out to be rigged. Just like the X1 scandal before, the final line-up had been rigged, a few entertainment company CEOs paying the production team to make sure their trainees would be part of the debut group. However, the news got out pretty quickly, so the debut group didn’t even have the chance to debut. They were back to square one just like you were. Turns out you would have been a part of the original line-up, ranked 6.

Your company tried to put a positive spin on it, and let you film a cover video that was later uploaded onto their Youtube channel, but it didn’t get the views they wanted, so they gave up on posting more about you.

At least, that meant that they didn’t work you to the bone, and you had time to focus on school. You did train diligently too, but the way this whole thing turned out made you realise that sometimes you couldn’t control the results of your efforts, so why lose yourself in the meantime? Not to mention that the company wasn’t looking to debut a girl group soon.

Dongmin was also training, taking lessons at Seoul Sirens where they had a two-year programme specifically for talented songwriter and producer-wannabes, and he was the youngest one who made it. You were so proud of him, and you were rooting for him so much that seeing him so enthusiastic made you want to learn about songwriting and producing, too. Though you had the equipment at the company and you could have asked for lessons, somehow, as a girl, you were offered neither. It was more acceptable for guys and especially rappers to write their own lyrics, and you were neither of those.

Dongmin was suspicious at first, not knowing why you wanted him to show you the ropes, but he didn’t protest. You had a feeling though that your argument on the rooftop was still engraved into him or maybe he just wanted to be careful, but instead of inviting you to their company building, he invited you over to his parents’ house where he had his own equipment.

The impressive set-up wasn’t your favourite thing about his closet-sized studio room though.

“No way you have a Jiji figure!” You pointed out the object on his table, the cute cat character from Kiki’s Delivery Service in all its glory. It even had a red ribbon around its neck.

“Apparently, I look like a black cat. According to my sister, at least,” Dongmin shrugged nonchalantly, but the way he shared it with you said that he didn’t actually mind being compared to the fictional animal. Otherwise, he would surely not have it on his table, let alone beside his computer in his own little studio.

That was the thing about Dongmin: though he said one thing, his actions advocated for something else. You had a feeling that he was just trying to hide his real feelings, or he felt like he needed to act all cool and tough, but you didn’t mind his behaviour. You saw all those shy smiles, awkward glances and secretly cute gestures that others didn’t even have the chance to see.

You cracked a smile at the black cat comment before you were offered to take a seat. Though Dongmin quickly realised that there was only one chair for the two of you, so he brought a chair from his own room just in time for his mother to come inside the studio with a plate of freshly cut fruit.

“Here. Have some of these,” the woman offered with a wide, kind smile as she put the plate on the table. This was the first time you officially met her apart from the times you saw her at school, so you quickly introduced yourself. “So nice to meet you, Y/N. I’ve heard so much about you,” she chirped excitedly after your greeting, her excitement genuine, but Dongmin looked like he wanted to dig a hole for himself right then and there.

“Oh really?” You asked back as you glanced in the boy’s direction who was fixated on his monitor, staring at it as if his life depended on it.

“Yes,” she bobbed her head. “It’s so good to finally meet you. You’re the first girl Dongmin brought home.”

“Oh, mom, please,” the boy grunted and looked at his mother as if he was willing to do literally just about anything to not have this conversation. Her mother got the signal and imitated zipping her lips before she prompted you once again to have some of the fruit. Then, she left you two alone, and though you caught sight of the tip of his ears turning red, you didn’t comment on it, you just smiled to yourself.

Dongmin recovered quickly, and changed into his professional mode, explaining techniques and beats and layers as if he had been doing this all his life. You brought a notebook with yourself, so you jotted down what he was saying, and if you weren’t writing, you were focused on the screen in front of you. He was patient with you, and you swore you could listen to him talk all day.

“Any questions?” Dongmin inquired at one point, and you turned your head to look at him instead of the monitor, only to realise that you were closer than you had expected.

There were only a few centimetres between your faces, and from up-close, you could see the slight blemishes, the last remains of acne scars and a few moles dotting his skin. From up-close, you could see the exact shade of his eyes and the way his lips stretched into lines. From up-close, you could see the pink hue that creeped onto his cheeks, a sight that would have made you crack a smile if your face hadn’t mirrored his.

“Uhm… nope,” you croaked out as you leaned back into the chair, your heart thrumming wildly in your ribcage.

Though you didn’t have such a close interaction for the rest of your little session, you would never be able to forget that feeling of looking into his eyes so closely, mapping out his features, engraving the sight of them into your memory, so that you could always come back to this very moment, to feeling so thrilled, shy and so endeared all at the same time.

Summer break meant that you had more time to yourself. Practising was one thing, but now that you didn’t have school and the company’s girl group was having a comeback, so they occupied the practise rooms during the day, you had a lighter schedule compared to last year when you were preparing for the survival show and then auditioning for it.

This also meant that you spent your free time messaging Dongmin, having a few more sessions in his little studio much to his mother’s joy, and hanging out a few times. You were careful, wearing masks when you could, because you knew how nasty people could be even about pre-debut photos and scandals, and you didn’t want history to repeat itself with your dating rumour. Though you were nowhere near debuting, you wanted to live your trainee life as drama-free as possible, and Dongmin didn’t protest either because he also knew the risks.

You went to the cinema a few times, you hung out by the Han River, and you went to a karaoke bar to sing your heart out. Surprisingly, the boy enjoyed singing trot songs, and you enjoyed watching him doing so. That was the thing about him: whatever he did, you could immediately tell if he enjoyed it or despised it, it was written all over his face. Plus, when he did enjoy it, the sight made your heart flutter, a smile immediately making its way onto your face.

If you hadn’t been sure before that you liked him, you would have been made aware of it by all those fleeting moments between you two during the summer when your hands touched while reaching for the same ramen at the supermarket, when you were standing close to each other on the metro, when you glanced at him only to see him already staring at you, when he willingly shared stories about his childhood, when he complimented the summer dress you wore to the cinema once, when he gave you his jacket while you were walking back from Han River after sunset, and when he walked you back to the dorms because “it wasn’t safe for girls to be alone at night”.

When he suggested going to an open concert one weekend, you said that you couldn’t go because you were visiting your grandparents at the nursing home. He knew about your grandparents, and he never got mad when you said that you would see them instead of meeting him.

This time though, he offered to go with you, and though you couldn’t understand why he would spend his time with your grandparents at a nursing home over going literally anywhere else, you didn’t reject the idea. Your grandparents heard a lot about him either way.

One thing that you didn’t expect was for them to call you out on it right after Dongmin introduced himself as you were sitting outside in the home’s garden. The garden was one of their favourite places to be at, though the communal rooms came close.

Your grandfather was in the nursing section of the home while your grandmother was in the independent living section as they needed different levels of care, so they didn’t share a room. However, they could still spend as much together as it was possible when your grandfather didn’t need a nurse to care for him. At first, he only needed a cane to walk, but then, his pain intensified so much that he was put into a wheelchair. On the other hand, his arms were still fully functional, so he could feed himself, read books, watch TV and hug you when you visited, but for bathing, for instance, he needed assistance.

“Oh, is he the boy whose songs you showed us?” Your grandmother inquired with a cunning smile, and now you understood what Dongmin must have felt when his mother had spilled the beans that you had been the first girl he brought home.

“Yes, he’s that boy,” you admitted because it was futile to deny, but you didn’t dare meet his eyes. You had never told him that you showed your grandparents his songs, and though you didn’t think he would be mad, you still felt terribly embarrassed.

“How wonderful! We’re fans of yours,” your grandmother chirped gleefully, and now you looked at the boy to look for his reaction. Dongmin immediately got shy, his hands covering his mouth while he was trying to hide his smile, his ears turning red.

“Ah thank you, but I still have a long way to go,” he refuted sheepishly, and it was such a cute sight, you wished that you had brought him here more often before.

“Nonsense. You’re already so talented!”

“You’re making that poor boy so embarrassed. Let’s talk about something else!” Your grandfather suggested with a knowing glance in your direction. He knew just how hang up his wife could be when she really got into something, and despite his physical health deteriorating, mentally, he was still very well. You were really grateful for that.

So you talked about the drama they were watching on TV in the communal room, the book your grandmother was reading, and that awful lunch they had served the other day. Dongmin listened attentively, kindly asking questions and being interested in the storyline of their new favourite TV show even though you knew he didn’t watch those. You had seen before that he treated his younger siblings well, and it had truly warmed your heart, but now seeing him interact with your elderly grandparents, you were really, really touched. You felt a kind of warmth that made you feel all fuzzy and hopeful and beaming.

As expected, then came the embarrassing childhood stories about you, the time you had performed Gee in your grandparents’ living room, or when the corner store owner’s son had confessed to you with a pink lollipop, only for you to reject him because you were set on being an idol, and idols didn’t date.

“Can you imagine? She was only 8 back then, the boy was 7, and she said ‘idols don’t date’ as if she was twice her age, already in training,” your grandmother recalled with a chuckle, but Dongmin liked the story so much that he laughed out loud, hitting his thighs with his hands.

Your face, on the other hand, was resembling a tomato’s.

“Grandpa, you should tell her not to share embarrassing stories about me like you did at the beginning!”

“It’s not an embarrassing story. It’s cute,” he corrected you gleefully, but your shock must have been written on your face because Dongmin started laughing even more.

A few hours and a few more embarrassing stories later, you announced that it was time to go as their dinner time was nearing. You excused yourself to use the restroom, and when you came back, they seemed to be in a deep discussion, the boy bobbing his head like an obedient child. When you asked what they talked about, they just shushed you.

Even Dongmin didn’t tell you when it was just the two of you, heading to the bus stop. You shook your head, giving up on inquiring about the matter, and let a comfortable kind of silence fall over the two of you. It stretched into the early minutes of the bus ride until you decided to break it.

“Thank you for being so nice to them. They seemed to have a good time,” you admitted gently, your voice suddenly feeble, as you turned towards him in the loveseat. You had never had anyone accompany you to the nursing home, and the last time you had friends over at your grandparents place’ was back in elementary school. So it meant a lot that he not only volunteered to come with you, but he got along well with them.

Dongmin’s lips curled into a smile that was inexplicable in the best way possible; it was a mixture of gentle, empathetic and genuine. It was somewhere between ‘thank you’ and ‘you’re welcome’, friendly support and something more than that.

“Thanks for letting me tag along,” he bobbed his head, keeping the eye-contact for a few more seconds before adding: “I’m glad you have them, they love you a lot.”

“They really do,” you croaked out, suddenly finding it hard to speak up.

Sometimes you were jealous of his family; how his parents supported him, even letting him have his own little studio, how his little sister adored him, how his little brother teased him, and how he always had home-made meals to come back to. On the other hand, you were super thankful that you had grandparents who supported you from your very first audition to the last, how they had voted for you at the survival show, and the decade you had spent living with them was the best period of your life.

Even though it was different now, not different bad, just different, you were sad that those days were gone, but happy that they were still there for you. Sometimes someone’s presence was more than enough, and it didn’t just apply to them, but to Dongmin too who was there beside you now as he had been beside you for two years already.

Senior year rolled by in no time, and while your company was busy recruiting new trainees, so they could start planning for their new girl group - hopefully including you -, you were busy studying, so that you could graduate with good enough grades. You did it more because of your grandparents than anyone else, but you didn’t mind. At least the time spent studying wasn’t time spent worrying about your monthly evaluations at the company or your grandfather’s deteriorating health.

With each month passing by, you felt more and more determined to make your dreams a reality, so that you wouldn’t mind your choice of not choosing higher education. Dongmin did decide to apply for an online degree, so that he could focus on studying music, even after he would finish his programme at Seoul Sirens and hopefully stay there to start working full-time after graduation.

The stakes were high, and the tension was palpable at school, but you and Dongmin never argued about future plans or studying for the CSAT. May it be because you both knew what being in the music industry in South Korea entailed, or may it be because you both had many ups and downs during these years, but you were thankful for the peace and comfort you felt beside him.

That didn’t mean that you weren’t dreading finishing high school. Ironically, senior year felt more like summer break to you than the break before in the sense that it felt so finite and infinite at the same time, so life-changing and ever the same, and you knew that you would look back at this time as something you would reminisce about later on.

There was just something about those rainy afternoons when you ran after the bus together while chuckling or those early mornings you spent on the rooftop, away from the chit-chat of your classroom and the curious eyes of your classmates, or when you were staring at him when he wasn’t looking, trying to engrave his features into your memories.

Your feelings for him grew even stronger overtime, and sometimes you caught yourself wondering about the what ifs; what if you broke the rule of not dating like a rebellious teenager that you could never be or what if you left behind your dream altogether just so you could lead an ordinary life, and be with someone who made you happier than anyone else. Sometimes you let yourself be swept up in these big, strong feelings, in the daydreaming, in alternative versions of yourself and your life.

Yet, when it was time to say goodbye to your high school years together, you still chose your dream above him.

You were standing on the rooftop one last time, looking at the happy families gathering below, wondering why your own parents couldn’t take a day off to attend your graduation. Your grandparents offered to come by, but you told them they didn’t have to because the nursing home was further away and you didn’t want to inconvenience them. Even your aunt and uncle offered, but since they had two small children at home, you also didn’t want them to bother coming.

You heard the door to the rooftop creak open, but no sound of footsteps followed.

“Are you going to just stand there?” You asked without turning around to see who it was, but you had a very strong and sure feeling about the identity of the sudden visitor. When he cleared his throat, and the sound of his footsteps finally reverberated through the space, you knew that you were right. It was so funny how easily you could tell that it was him.

Or rather heartbreaking.

“I was just passing by,” Dongmin reasoned nonchalantly as he halted beside you.

“Sure,” you hummed, a lopsided smile plastered onto your face. One just didn’t pass by the rooftop by mistake, especially not on the day of their graduation when their family was waiting for them downstairs.

You just stood there in silence, looking at the crowd beneath your feet, and though you didn’t know what went through his head, you had a feeling that he was feeling the same way. This was the end of a chapter, but the beginning of a new story. Somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else.

Dongmin cleared his throat a few seconds later, and you snapped your head back to look at him when he did so. With the miniature version of you reflected in his orbs, your past and present self collided, flashbacks replacing one another as you stared into his deep, dark eyes. You had stood here beside him so many times before, but now, it felt so final, so bitter. This would be the last time.

This was the last time.

“I’ve just… wanted to say that you did a good job, and congrats on graduating,” he said it in one go, his face solemn despite a slight smile that was making its way onto his lips.

“Congratulations to you, too!” You found yourself saying, you found yourself smiling even though it took everything in you not to shed a tear.

“And thank you… for the past three years,” he blurted out, surprising you and probably himself as well because he ended up scratching the back of his neck after his confession. Something that he did only when he was shy. “I don’t think I would have enjoyed coming to school as much if it weren’t for you,” he admitted with a low chuckle, and you followed suit.

“You know, you actually sound like you like me,” you joked around and you reached out to push his shoulder gently, watching the emotions dance in his eyes like an ever-changing landscape. At first, you saw the same kind of cheeriness that you did when you were teasing each other, then it turned into something bitter before it settled at a curious kind of seriousness.

“Well…” Dongmin took a step closer to you, diminishing the last bit of distance between you two. It reminded you of that first producing session with him in his studio, when you had first been this close to each other. And you hated how you felt the same kind of butterfly-wing thrills. “Do you like me?”

You heard the emphasis in the question, but you decided to disregard it for your own sake. If anyone asked you years later, you would say that it was one-sided, even though his answer was hidden in his question, and your answer was hidden in your own statement.

“I can’t like you, you know that.”

This much was true, you weren’t lying, and yet, this was not enough for Dongmin. Though you saw hesitation flash across his orbs, he didn’t stop, both figuratively and literally, now standing so close to you that you could place a breath onto his lips if you weren’t careful.

God knows that you were good at being careful at all times.

“I didn’t ask if you could like me. I asked if you do like me.”

Seconds felt like an eternity, your heart a mayhem, your surroundings now quiet and distant, while you were wondering how to answer his question. Maybe that was just the way things went for you; you constantly needed to lose parts of yourself to rebuild yourself, so that you would be able to build up your own Babylon. Even Gods sinned, and you were just a mere human, but why did it feel like poison when the lie rolled off your tongue?

“I don’t like you, Dongmin, and I think it’s best if we put an end to it now. So that no one else misunderstands.”

It felt like the words came out of your mouth without your consent, but there was no other way to end this. You had already lost so much that you clung onto your dreams now more than ever, and you wouldn’t even be able to have school as an excuse to meet with him moving forward. It was better for both of you if you ended it here.

It had to be.

“Goodbye, Dongmin,” you breathed out, pulling the trigger on the gun, and though you heard him call after you while you were walking away, you didn’t look back.

Nor did you look back for the years afterwards.

(Dongmin, on the other hand, felt like he watched that door close behind you a hundred times - not just right then, but in his dreams (nightmares), in his memories and in moments when the line between reality and fantasy faded, and he always, always wished that you would still be a part of his reality.)

PRESENT

For the next few days, you worked in the producing room beside Dongmin’s studio. It was the one you had chosen when you had walked out of his room for the first time, and you had grown fond of it, especially because it seemed like no one really went there.

You didn’t bump into the boy during this time, but you did see the lights on, and you knew very well that Dongmin could get really engrossed into working on music, so you didn’t even want to bother him. You felt like you had both too many questions to ask and none at all. To be precise, you weren’t sure you had any right to ask him questions after you had told him to put an end to your friendship at graduation.

However, you were curious about his time at KOZ, and what he had been doing under the name ‘Taesan’, so you decided to look him up online. One of the first search results was the official KOZ website, and when you clicked on his name, you could see many of his songs being featured in different boy groups’ discographies under KOZ. He must have been busy for the past year and a half.

Though you were familiar with a few of the boybands’ title tracks, he mostly contributed to B-sides, so you decided to check them out. You were on your third track, surprised at the range of songs he contributed to, when the door to the room flew open, and you immediately paused the song, turning around in your chair in a hurry.

“Oh sorry,” Dongmin mumbled, but his face was quite nonchalant, so he didn’t really seem like he was actually sorry.

“No, it’s okay,” you justified quickly, and you tried to direct your chair towards the monitor where the song he had written was displayed. However, the boy didn’t seem to notice (or see?) what was behind you, he wasn’t really focused there.

He just stood by the door, seemingly not wanting to move, and you had this odd reassured feeling sitting in your chest. You wanted so desperately for him to stay, to talk to you, to share with you how he had been, but at the same time, you had no idea why he was just stalling there, whether it was time to call you out on your decision back in high school or not.

“Are you going to just stand there?” You asked instead because that much you actually wanted to know, and if he asked to stay, you would let him. Now, there was no reason to push him away, you were just wondering whether he actually wanted to be around you.

Dongmin’s lips twitched in a somewhat bitter manner, and you knew exactly what he was thinking even before he formed the question:

“Sounds like déjavu, isn’t it?”

You had asked the exact same question the last time you had seen each other in high school, on the rooftop you claimed as your safe haven, the day you had last seen each other before you met again. It was one thing that you remembered, but it was another thing that he remembered and he decided to bring it up.

Suddenly, you were back there, fiddling with your school uniform, watching the crowd of proud parents, wondering why yours weren’t there, and then Dongmin showed up. Just like how he did now. There were countless times you replayed that scene in your head, and played out different scenarios, but all that did was to leave you with an even wider hole in your heart.

You and Dongmin were both silent for some time, and then, he walked closer to you only to halt a step away from you. For a few seconds, he just stared at you, and you thought he was going to dive deeper into that goodbye, but instead, his eyes focused on the monitor beside you, on the way the list of songwriters was written on the screen beside the song title. You immediately turned back to the laptop to close the tab, but the damage was done, he had already seen it.

“Oh, I see someone is doing their research on this producer-songwriter named ‘Taesan’, ” he cooed, his eyebrows quirked in an amused manner. There were only a few times you wished before that you could wipe the smirk off his face, but damn puberty, and damn him for looking even more fine with that tilt of his head and that curl of his lips.

You wished the ground would swallow you up in whole because that expression on his face was enough to make you want to crawl out of your skin.

“I mean…” You cleared your throat, and you decided that it would be in vain to tell a fib, so you went with the truth. “I didn’t hear the name ‘Taesan’ before, so I was just wondering what you were up to while working here.”

“What did you find then?” Dongmin pushed, and now, he was leaning onto the table with his back, so he was watching you from the side. You tried not to let it affect you, but you were doing a terrible job at that because you even started stuttering when you spoke up.

“Well, I think it was… I mean, from what I’ve seen, you are doing well… great… doing great.”

Despite your obvious nervousness, it seemed that he was more interested in your words. He was fighting a smile, but failed, and his whole demeanor changed in his black leather jacket-black pants combo (it seemed like from last time as well that he liked this style and well… you liked it on him, too) with that smile on his face.

“What about you though? How have you been?” He threw the question at you without notice, and for a moment, you froze, all the hurt and frustration from the past two months coming back at you all at once.

Even though your aunt’s family was lovely, and the best kind of crazy and chaotic you could have asked for given your state (your little cousins were able to make you smile and laugh and your aunt was the most hospitable woman ever), your parents were of a different opinion. When you had told them the news of not making the cut for the debut group, they told you to give up on chasing your dreams and go back home instead of burdening your aunt, they could ask around for jobs for you. You had cried yourself to sleep that night.

Then, came the endless rejections from companies, the days that bled into one, the many times you checked the expiration dates on ready-to-eat products at the corner store, wondering where your life had gone wrong. You had not only been hopeless but so tired as well. So, so tired of failures, rejections, your best not being good enough. You had really been on the verge of giving up when the email from KOZ had come.

But it was so difficult to form whatever you were feeling into words, to say what was on your mind, especially when it was this life you had given up Dongmin for.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you shook your head, turning away from him. You gulped down everything that you wanted to say, and he took that as a sign to leave you.

You could hear his footsteps getting further away, but when he was by the door, he halted. You didn’t look back at him, but he probably did so.

“You know, there will always be people who can see your talent. Like I did. Like the company did,” he said loud and clear, letting the words sink in while he was walking out of the studio.

(Dongmin knew what happened. He read the debut announcement articles about CLIQUE, and saw the final line-up excluding you. He put two and two together, and that’s why he suggested for the company to check out your Soundcloud and reach out to you. He could see how talented you were, and because of him, KOZ could see it too, but maybe, this wasn’t the right time to talk about it.)

Just as you settled into KOZ, already working with their upcoming girl group on their first album, your aunt announced that they were expecting their third child.

You had kind of been expecting it due to all those medical appointments and your aunt’s behaviour, and you had already been looking for a flat for yourself because you didn’t want to burden them anymore, but this was still sudden. With the baby on the way, they were about to renovate the guest room (where you resided), and though they said it could wait for about two more months, you knew that it was time for you to go.

You knew that KOZ had some sort of discount for employees at a nearby building because a lot of their trainees lived there, but you didn’t know how it worked. When you asked around at the company, they said that Dongmin would probably be able to help, so you went to him to ask for more details, and indeed, he could help.

He knew there was a vacancy in that building, but the problem was that he knew it because it was the flat he rented; he was looking for a roommate since the previous one had moved out.

“Wouldn’t it be weird?” You asked one day after work when he showed you around the flat, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

“What?”

“Living together with me,” you broke it down to him, but you didn’t get how he didn’t think of it himself. You were a girl, he was a boy, wasn’t that kind of weird? Not to mention your shared history.

“No,” he replied simply, coolly. Sure, it was better to have a roommate you actually knew, but you were always ready to have a tense conversation with him about what had happened back then, about how you had pushed him away. You were so ready for it each and every time, but it never came. Sometimes, it seemed like you were back to your old selves: teasing each other, cracking jokes, talking about songs and discussing everyday topics, but other times, you felt like there was this unsaid tension in the air, the unanswered questions hanging above your head, weighing down on you.

“Why? Are you afraid you will end up falling for me if we start living together?” Dongmin quirked an eyebrow in question, tilting his head to the side. There was a lopsided smile in the corner of his lips, even his tone was amused.

“What? No! No way!” You vehemently shook your arms in front of your chest as a sign of your objection.

“Well then, I can’t see why not. It’s close to the company, the rent is discounted, it has everything one might need in a flat, and though the bathroom and kitchen are shared, you can lock your room, so it’s pretty good value for the money. Besides, you know that I’m a quiet person, and you know that I would never hurt you either.”

Dongmin’s monologue was pretty lengthy compared to his usual curt answers, and he might have realised that because his hand flew to the back of his head out of embarrassment. You couldn’t really argue with him, he was right about everything, and though you wouldn’t admit it, you were touched by the way he said that he would never hurt you. You knew it, you knew it all too well, but it pained you more because you had hurt him.

Nevertheless, he didn’t seem to mind the idea of sharing a flat with you, so you gave in, and from the beginning of the next month, you were roommates.

Somewhere along the way, despite your very perplexed self, this turned out to be the most efficient option. So after you packed up, your uncle helped you move and double-checked that you knew Dongmin personally before he left the flat. Your aunt was all fussy about it, sending side dishes, ginseng tea and a pack of toilet paper with you as if Dongmin lived in a flat with little to nothing in it, but apart from a raised eyebrow, you didn’t get a call-out on the apparent toilet paper in your hand.

And so it began; listening to the sounds in the corridor before you could go to the bathroom, wondering what he was doing when you saw the lights on in his room, not trying to think too much into the choice of snacks in the cupboard that was filled with your favourite ones even before you moved in, and navigating cooking, cleaning and doing laundry around him. You had lived together in one room with five other trainees before, so you knew what it was like to live with others, sharing communal areas, but it was different because it was Dongmin out of all people.

Though you didn’t want to be obvious about it, you did try to avoid him outside of work, so you ate breakfast in your room and you usually went to have dinner somewhere else, either alone or with the new songwriter girl, Lily.

This didn’t go unnoticed by the boy who was sitting by the kitchen table, slurping on some instant noodles when you got home one day, and decided to ask about it after you greeted him.

“Are you avoiding me?” He asked straightforwardly, making you halt in your steps. You stopped by the kitchen table, and you tried to fathom your most convincing smile as you looked down at him.

“No.”

“Y/N…” The way your name rolled off his tongue was gentle, yet firm. You knew that look on his face, you knew that he saw through you, but you wished that he wouldn’t push. However, with the way he kept his eyes on you, unwavering and intent, you knew that you lost this battle, and he didn’t even have to prompt you to confess to him.

“I just… I just don’t want things to be weird between us,” you admitted, chewing down on your bottom lip.

“Why does it have to be weird between us? We’ve known each other for years,” he pointed out matter-of-factly, his tone so genuine that you wanted to believe that he seriously didn’t mind sharing living together with you, but you did. The guilt was gawking at you, crawling at your skin, sending nightmares in your way, and triggering flashbacks of your time together.

You had been so afraid of Dongmin bringing it up that it had never occurred to you that you should bring it up, but now, you thought that it might be time to tell him why you were tip-toeing around him.

“It’s because of how I pushed you away four years ago. I did it without notice, without discussing it with you, and just left you there without turning back. I hurt you, and I thought that you would forever hate me for it.”

Once the confession was out, you didn’t feel relieved. Though this weighed down on you, saying the words out loud didn’t make you feel better. What’s more, you were more anxious than ever to hear his opinion, his side of the story, and you were ready to hear that it was true, that he hated you, and now that you mentioned it, it might be a terrible idea to live together, and you would lose him again.

Instead, Dongmin kept the eye-contact, but his features softened, his eyes shining more bitterly than before.

“I knew that you would push me away. I prepared myself for it.”

This was definitely not what you were expecting to hear, not at all. You were so flabbergasted that you merely looked at him wide-eyed with your lips parted, and the sight must have prompted him to continue.

“To be precise, I knew it because of your grandparents. When I went to see them with you, they gave me their phone number, and asked me to keep in touch with them. They had a feeling that you didn’t want to burden them with your worries and hardships, that you kept them to yourself, so they asked me to tell them what was really going on with you,” he started as he rose from his seat, so that he could stand in front of you. The more he talked, the more your heartbeat picked up its pace.

“When graduation was nearing, they told me that you didn’t want them to come, nor did you want your aunt and uncle to come, and that you might push me away once our school days were over. Because idols don’t date as a very smart young girl once claimed,” he continued, and there was an amused curl to his lips when he recalled what you had said at 8, and what your grandmother had told him when they had met.

Despite the fact that the thought of your grandparents always churned your heart, you found yourself smiling. It immediately faltered though when he continued with what your grandfather had told him.

“Your grandfather asked me to let you choose your dreams over me, but if your dream changed or didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, he wanted me to reach out and to take care of you. And so I did,” he confessed, his words hiding so much more of his unsaid feelings; of the selflessness he had shown back then, of the promise he had kept to your grandpa, of the way he had always, always let you chase your dreams, even when you had asked him to deny the dating rumours and even when he had helped you learn the ropes of producing.

Despite learning to live with the grief of losing your grandfather at 19, you found yourself tearing up at the way he had taken care of you even when you had not seen it. Indeed, he had always emphasised that you should have a job that you would enjoy, that you should do what you want, that he would root for you no matter what, and the best gift you could give them was to live a happy life.

So how could you tell them when you didn’t feel enough? When your world shattered after the survival show? When your parents wanted to talk you out of your dreams? Of course you had not wanted to burden them with your hardships because you had been afraid that they would ask you to give up on your dreams, just like your parents had done. Of course you had not told them about the constant comparison, the competitiveness and the vile nature of the industry when they had closed their beloved restaurant because they had both been too old to take care of it and your father wouldn’t want to take over, and though your grandmother had never stopped cooking when you had been living together, you knew that it had not been the same for them. Of course you had not told them everything because it would make them sad, and they always said that they wanted you to be happy and healthy and see you shine on stage.

“If I hated you, do you think I would have asked the company to check out your Soundcloud or suggested we live together? If I hated you, do you think I would have followed the news of your agency, and kept in touch with your grandmother?”

Dongmin’s voice was hurried and almost desperate by the end, but with each and every word of his, your tears just fell more and more vigorously. It wasn’t enough that the reason KOZ had reached out to you was because of him, but he had also monitored you through all these years, in hopes of any news from the agency, and stayed in touch with your grandmother. The latter also meant that he must have known about your grandfather’s passing, and if anything, that just made you sob even more.

You really didn’t deserve him.

“Y/N, I know it’s been hard for you, and I know you’re capable of taking care of yourself, but please… don’t push me away again,” he asked, and his voice cracked by the end. Though you couldn’t see him from behind the curtain of your tears, you had a feeling that he was getting emotional. Something you had very rarely seen from him, and the fact that it was because of you, the thought of losing you… it truly broke you.

Dongmin didn’t care about you falling apart, shattered into tiny pieces, he waited until you made the first move, until you nodded and told him that you wouldn’t push him away, and that you were sorry, so very sorry, before you took a step closer to him, and he immediately embraced you.

You cried into his chest just like you had done so after the survival show, and though you felt like you had lost so many things again since that embrace on the rooftop, you were not only lost but also found. He came to find you, and you let him.

(Because Dongmin had never hated you. He never could. Though it did hurt him when you had pushed him away, he knew what being an idol meant to you. So when he saw the news of you not debuting with CLIQUE, he was just as broken as you were. It was as if his own dream was stripped away from him because in a way, it was.)

Something changed within you that day.

You had been telling yourself that Dongmin must hate you, that he must not want to tolerate it, and after a while, you had believed it. You had believed it so much that you were surprised when he told you that he actually didn’t hate you, and he asked you not to push him away. You had always felt ashamed that he had seen you at the worst, and he had been the only person who had seen you cry after the survival show, and you had convinced yourself that he would like to let go of you either way.

Yet, it was the opposite. Whilst it was difficult to grasp the reality at first, and you were afraid that this newfound trust and affection between you two would burst like a bubble at the touch of your hands, it didn’t happen. What’s more, your bond deepened as you realised that you could tell him anything, and his behaviour towards you wouldn’t change.

You told him how evil the trainees at your previous company were, how sick a lot of you had gotten while trying to live up to the expectations, how it had been living with five of them in one room while they had talked about you behind their back, how you had been working at a convenience store to make some money, and how much everything had been a blur since graduation.

You also told him what had happened at the end and how you had not made the cut for CLIQUE, how you had stayed with your aunt and how your parents had wanted you to give up on your dreams. You had also told him about your grandfather, and how you had only gotten a day off for his funeral, and you felt like life had moved on while you had been stuck in the past, feeling guilty for not spending enough time with him and wishing that he could see you shine on stage as he wanted to.

“But he did. He once told me that he was glad that he lived to see you on stage during the survival show. His favourite performance was ‘Sudden Shower’,” Dongmin explained thoroughly, and yet again, something within you broke and mended, changed in a way that only this revelation could change it.

Then, he told you that he had attended the funeral because your grandmother had asked him to come, but he had been at the back of the crowd, so you couldn’t have seen him. You had hid behind your hair, letting it cover you, letting it hide you from the curious eyes around you, from the outside world that lacked only your grandfather in it.

Dongmin squeezed your hand when you teared up at this part. Your maternal grandparents had passed away when you had been really young, so you had not gone through grief like this ever before, and sometimes you felt like you didn’t have a proper closure with your grandfather because you had been expected to move on swiftly, to go back to training like nothing had ever happened. It sucked, really, how life had just gone on when someone’s life had been taken away.

So with this newfound information, the next time you went to visit your grandmother, you asked her about everything she had kept silent about for your sake. She did so, and now everything made more sense. She even admitted that though your father was and had always been distant towards them, she felt like raising you and watching you grow into this beautiful, strong young woman made up for it.

Though your questions never seemed to stop, she was curious about your side as well, and despite the fact that you had been holding so many things back before, you knew that Dongmin had been a bridge between you and your grandmothers because of that, so you didn’t keep quiet this time.

Even though it was difficult at first because you felt like you were just venting to her, especially when you opened up about what really happened at your previous company, she didn’t seem to mind. She listened with that attentive look of hers like always, and reached out to hold your hand when you said that you felt like you wasted so many years of your life for nothing.

“I know it must have been tough for you, but wasting time on something that you enjoy is never time wasted.”

“But I didn’t really enjoy it by the end,” you admitted, and this was the first time you dared to say it out loud. It might have surprised you, but your grandmother didn’t seem taken aback. Instead, she squeezed your hand tight, and looked out of the communal living room at the care home, musing out loud.

“It’s true that we can see life in a different light after a certain age, and I don’t mean to undervalue your feelings, but it seems to me that everything happened for a reason. You might not have ended up at this new company if you had not held on, you might not have met Dongmin again if you had left earlier and you might not have found your new path if you had done something differently. As much as it hurts, sometimes, we learn the most from pain and loss. I know that all too well,” she confessed with a reminiscing smile, something that was both bitter and sweet, heart-wrenching and heart-warming.

Now it was your turn to squeeze her hand, and you just sat there for a while, holding each other’s hands. That is, until she decided to bring up a few embarrassing stories about your childhood, but now you didn’t mind. You let her talk, and laughed along with her, wondering how much would have changed if she and your grandfather had not been such an integral part of your life growing up.

Though she was getting older, she was still in good health, and even joined a retired community club, one that organised trips into the city centre and hikings and visiting museums, and you were so grateful to see her live on, to still enjoy going out and wanting to meet people. You knew that it had been really hard on her when she had lost your grandpa, especially because though your father had helped with the funeral and the administrative work, he had gone back home very quickly afterwards. She must have been heartbroken and lonely, and it pained you that you had not been there for her even though you had been the same.

On the other hand, she must have sensed that you were feeling a bit guilty after everything that had come to the surface because she squeezed your hand one last time and told you that she didn’t regret a single thing when it came to you and she hoped that you felt the same way.

She said that people saw life in a different light after a certain age, but you started to think that with everything changing within and around you these past few weeks, you started to see it differently, too. With each new untold truth coming to the surface, with each new emotion you were displaying that the people around you accepted as it was without forcing you to hold back, you started to see who you could be if it weren’t for all the external circumstances.

Who you could really be.

Spring came early that year, or so it seemed.

You had never paid much attention to the seasons changing, but with the harsh winter covering up the last remains of your time at your previous agency, you were glad to welcome something new, something warm that would bring about change. Though it seemed that your days were filled with change - more so internally than externally -, you also found this peaceful sense of stability, especially beside Dongmin.

Even without actually discussing it, you naturally started having breakfast together before heading to work together. If your workload or meetings allowed, you also went back home together. If not or you were staying out later, you would notify the other, so that they wouldn’t worry (after Dongmin once hung out with one of his friends until midnight with a dead battery, and you kept walking up and down in the corridor until he actually came home).

The other girls’ presence in the dorm always made you alert and tense, so you grew to feel comfortable only in your own company. However, with Dongmin by your side, even if you didn’t say a thing during dinner, you knew that it was because neither of you wanted to speak up, not because it was awkward. With him, even silence was comfortable. With him, each new day seemed like a new opportunity. With him, even grocery shopping seemed fun because he kept teasing you about holding products above your head or scurrying away with the trolley when you wanted to place your items in it. With him, you felt safe and sound, so much that you developed a very healthy sleep and meal schedule, something that you had not had for years. Dongmin was a very quiet flatmate, he never once managed to wake you and he always reminded you to eat, even if it was something small.

Of course, it wasn’t just because of him, and it didn’t mean that learning how to take care of yourself was linear. When your probation period ended, you were given the chance to talk to a counsellor at the company as an employee benefit, and you took advantage of it, knowing fully now that you needed help. It wasn’t easy, talking about your feelings to a complete stranger, that is, but she helped you to see where some of your behaviours stemmed from, and she was always there to reassure you that you were doing good, even if you felt like you took one step forward and two steps back. With each session, you felt a bit closer to someone your 13-year-old self would be proud of.

And it showed. Your aunt said so when you went to visit her, your grandmother noticed it when you spent another Saturday with her, and even Dongmin made a remark when you asked him why he was staring at you one day during dinner. He said that you looked at peace these days, and you nodded because you actually felt like it.

On the other hand, life was full of ups and downs, so there were bad days, too. Days when you felt like an impostor writing songs for KOZ’s upcoming girl group, wondered if Lily was actually trying to be your friend or she was just pretending to, looked into the mirror and wanted to pick apart your skin because it looked less than flawless, brought up the walls around your heart once again, and when everything just seemed a bit too much. Days when you wanted to push everyone away because you didn’t need help, you could deal with it on your own. Until your body decided to give signals, and you decided to listen to it.

That day too after another sleepless night when you wondered if you were brave enough to resolve something that needed resolving for a few years now, prompted by your counsellor, you were waiting for Dongmin to come back. He didn’t notify you that he would come home later, so you assumed that it wouldn’t be long until he showed up. However, you must have dozed off on the couch while waiting for him because you only noticed that he was home when he was in the middle of covering you with a blanket.

“Oh sorry, did I wake you?” Dongmin asked, apologetic, as he sank back onto the couch, keeping an appropriate distance from you, who was leaning onto the side of the couch in a fetus position. You loosened your limbs and pushed yourself into a sitting position, resting your arms in your lap.

“No. It’s okay. I just dozed off a bit,” you admitted with a light chuckle. His features immediately softened, his lips curling into a smile. The sight prompted you to tell him the reason behind being in the living room at this hour without the TV on. “I was actually waiting for you.”

“For me?” He quirked an eyebrow, more curious than concerned, but you could still see the way his jaw tensed slightly.

You nodded, pursing your lips, trying to pull yourself together to ask the question. You knew that Dongmin would say yes, he would understand, it was just… difficult to let the words roll off your lips. To admit that you needed someone to be there with you when you would face something that you were scared of. You were just getting better at this - as in actually communicating your feelings and needs -, but suddenly, the words didn’t seem to come.

He seemed to notice it too because he moved a little closer and reached his hand out slowly with his palm facing up, his eyes following the way you slowly looked down at his outreached hand, and then at your own one resting in your lap. You heaved a sigh and reached out, slipping your hand into his. Only then did he interlock your fingers, anchoring you in the moment.

He didn’t say anything, just held your hand, held it gently, held it confidently, held it safely. You knew that he would let go the moment you wanted him to, but that’s exactly why you didn’t want to let go.

You felt safe.

“Will you come with me to visit my grandfather?” You blurted out in the end, your voice quiet, almost a whisper. Then again, Dongmin understood you without words, and he heard you loud and clear even if you were quiet.

“Of course,” he answered within a heartbeat. No questions, no hesitation.

“His birthday would be this Friday, and I want to visit him after work.”

“I’ll make sure to finish work on time on Friday,” he promised without you even asking him to. You looked up at him, into his jet-black eyes, ones that were warm and comforting; watching the way his chest rose as he took a breath, the way his dark locks fell into his eyes, and the way he kept his distance to give you space. Your intertwined hands were the bridge between you two, but suddenly, this wasn’t enough for you.

This time, you were the one who hesitated, who leaned forward slightly to give him space, to give him time, to give him a chance to pull away, but when he didn’t, you let go of his fingers only to rest your hand on his back as you leaned into him, resting your head in the croak of his neck. He followed suit, framing your body with his arms, holding you close to him, to his heart.

You never noticed how beautiful the melody of his heartbeat was, but this time, you made sure to remember it.

(And he made sure to remember yours, so that he could write a song about it one day. Maybe he wouldn’t show it to anyone, but it would be his, and it would remind him of this moment, of this feeling of certainty. You might not have said it out loud, but in that moment, he knew, more certain than ever, that you liked him just as much as he liked you.)

You used to hate summer, at least the summers following graduation.

You wanted to go out, to bathe in the sun, to have a picnic by the Han River, to cycle along the streets, to eat ice cream and to watch the sunset with your friends - like common people did, like youngsters around you did, and like you did once, with Dongmin, before everything fell apart.

You couldn’t go out though, you had to keep a low profile because pre-debut photos could come out any day that might ruin your and your group’s reputation, you were always dieting, and you didn’t have any friends. So though you yearned for that kind of freedom and joy that girls around your age displayed during those months, you were also heartbroken over the fact that summers weren’t the same anymore without Dongmin. Despite the fact that you were the one who pushed him away, you missed him so badly, even more so during summer.

Summer this year, on the other hand, was literally like a breath of fresh air. After you suggested going out to the Han River to Dongmin once, he didn’t seem to run out of activities to do together and places to visit together. Even though your interactions were limited to your shared flat and your workplace before, you slowly began to explore the city together. You had a feeling that he needed that push to let him know that it was okay on your side if you spent even more time together than already, and you appreciated that he was patient and waited for you to let him in.

How could you not though? After letting go of him once, you didn’t intend to make the same mistake. Your circumstances were totally different now, you didn’t have to push him away to keep him safe, and there was no external pressure to choose otherwise, to choose something else above him. Your dreams changed along the way, and being content with this life of yours beside him was your new dream. You might have still grieved those nine years you had spent chasing your dream of becoming an idol, but now, you were also ready to move on, to have new dreams, and to see that maybe everything worked out for the best even if it hurt, even if it didn’t seem like it before.

This kind of life was better in a lot of ways. You could eat ice cream by the Han River with Dongmin without being afraid of tabloid photos resurfacing afterwards; you could indulge in as many smoothies as you wanted without being terrified over the number of calories in them; you could lay on the couch multiple nights in a row, letting yourself rest when you regained your period without feeling like you were lazy; you could go out whenever you wanted and visit your grandmother with a lighter heart, sharing anything with her no matter how mundane or serious; and let’s be honest, you could still make music without sacrificing your health, your happiness and your privacy.

And summer this year was spent doing exactly what you had been missing out on, and what you had been yearning for. Not just the activities, places or foods, but the presence of Dongmin, too.

He didn’t have a loud, bright, full-of-life kind of presence; it was rather subtle but constant, his actions speaking louder than his words, with the kind of attentiveness that didn’t let him not ask about your state when he noticed that something was off. He was like a shadow, always there in the background, following your steps and looking out for you even when no one wasn’t.

No wonder you wanted to surprise him when his birthday rolled by in August, and even though he said he didn’t want anything huge, you didn’t just want to stay inside and watch a movie.

“We aren’t going anywhere weird, right?” Dongmin asked teasingly when you told him to dress casually. That was the thing about him: once you warmed up to him again, he started teasing you in little ways, enjoying the way you rolled your eyes or huffed dramatically at his antics with that little propped-up smile in the corner of his lips.

“No. Who do you take me for?”

“That’s good. I thought this is going to be the time you send me bungee jumping or something,” he shrugged, amused, and you chuckled when you heard his words.

“You know, that’s actually not a bad idea for your next birthday,” you pointed out in a similarly playful manner before you both went to your own rooms.

It wasn’t anything weird, really. First, you took him to a vinyl store where he was like a child, noticing more and more of his favourite albums, and he had a hard time choosing just one. You told him that it was on you, so he could choose as many as he wanted, but he insisted that he didn’t want to take advantage of you, so he opted for an Oasis LP in the end.

Then, you took him to a thrift shop because you knew that he always found such gems at his favourite stores, so you thought he might like this one, too. You had a fun time watching him try on different outfits - from actually well-fitting ones to purposefully over-the-top ones -, and though you told him that this day was about him, he ended up buying you a top and a leather jacket, one that eerily reminded you of the one he wore.

Your last stop was the karaoke bar you had gone to the summer before senior year, and after a few serious songs, he asked you to sing one of those boy groups' songs he produced, and in return, you asked him to sing the most popular song you wrote for the girl group at your previous company. It was all in good fun though, but you couldn’t shake the sight of him swaying his hips - aka doing the choreography to the girl group song - out of your mind while you were walking back to your flat, your tummies full after your stop at a tteokbokki place.

“I can’t believe I’ve never seen you dance like that before!”

“Not just anyone can see me dance, you know,” Dongmin retorted playfully as you got inside the building, the boy following you, taking step after step until you reached your floor. You shook your head, smiling to yourself as you got the keys out of your pouch.

“Oh, so I’m not just anyone?” You asked equally playfully as you let yourself inside, and you stopped in the entryway to wait for him, and to see his reaction.

The boy closed the door behind him, and as he turned towards you, his smile was gone, replaced by a kind of sincerity that made the words freeze on your lips. It was so sudden, so in contrast to the mood before, but it made your heart race in a good way.

“No. You were never and you will never be just anyone to me.”

The confession fell off his lips like one of his artfully crafted lines, so naturally and so genuinely. As if it had not been obvious from the way he had been looking out for you silently yet consistently - attending your grandfather’s funeral without you knowing, keeping up with the news of your previous agency in hopes he would hear from you, listening to your Soundcloud and suggesting for KOZ to check it out, offering the other bedroom in his flat, so that you could stay with him, and letting you have space but always being there for you when you needed someone to pick you up ever since -, this now confirmed it.

Years ago, you might have outright lied to him to keep your heart guarded, and to keep him away from the twisted world of the idol industry. That girl had even believed that he had not genuinely loved her, that he would eventually forget her, and move on.

That girl was gone. Now you could believe his words, now you could feel his affection, and you had no doubt that he had never, not even for a single second, wanted to stay out of your life. And now, there was nothing holding you back from reciprocating it.

“You too,” you whispered, taking a step closer to him. You reached out to gently push the fringe out of his eyes, so that you could look into them, those dark galaxies that had once been your only escape from reality. Now, you were glad that you could wonder at them, in them whenever you wanted. They weren’t an escape anymore, they were a part of your days now.

As your hand travelled down to rest on his cheek, you could feel him slightly shudder under your touch. Maybe he knew what was coming, maybe he was trying to prepare himself for it. Maybe he just liked the way you weren’t afraid to go to him, to provide the same kind of safety that he did for you.

“I love you, Dongmin. I love you so very much,” you let the words roll off your tongue loud and clear, though your voice broke a bit by the end.

Dongmin’s eyes shone a bit differently now than they did before, but you didn’t have time to wonder if they were tears or something else, he was already hugging you in the next second.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

(He was wrong. He didn’t need to write a song about it. You were constantly writing the song he was a part of, and he hoped that it would never end.)

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine! Let me know what you think!

Header taken from the Congratulations cover video.

Click here for my BND masterlist!

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for BOYNEXTDOOR or for other artists, consider signing up for my taglist here. 🥰

Also, a lengthy explanation about this story, but actually, this was not the original storyline. So the first idea was that she would debut but end up leaving her group because of a dating scandal with an actor, and his fans would send her horrible threats. However, the part about her meeting Taesan at her new agency would have been the same. I actually made a whole music playlist because she would have written many songs about her toxic ex that other artists would sing.

However, I realised that there are so many stories where trainees aren't selected at the very end, and a lot more people end up not debuting than those who do. So I switched it up and left out the toxic ex, but for this reason, this kind of hit harder for me because I had dreams that were crushed because of external circumstances (like Covid and parental pressure), so I felt like writing about it was more relatable for me.

Also, the grandparents wouldn't have had that much of a part initially, but I started writing this story about 30 minutes before I got the news that my maternal grandmother passed away, and so, this story is kind of like a 'thank you' letter to grandparents like hers among many other life lessons (I hope so). My grandmother also used to say that I should have a job that makes me happy, and that she wants me to be happy and healthy always, and she would root for me no matter what. So writing about reader's feelings losing her grandfather and being grateful for both of their support came from the bottom of my heart, and helped me to deal with her loss a bit better.

Another thing that is not mentioned here because I couldn't include it in a way that seemed natural is that she unconsciously started dreaming of becoming an idol because of her parents' lack of love. She thought that if she performed on stage, her parents would care more and come to visit her in Seoul. However, nothing would have been enough for them, not even debuting, so her letting go of her dream of being an idol is her letting go of that need to be something more in her parents' eyes. She would have been made aware of it during counselling, but I didn't end up including it.

Last but not least, I just want to say that I hope you'll make your dreams come true, and that only good things will come your way. Even if it's not the case, don't forget that there are people who will always be rooting for you, including me. ❤️

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

[ovaryacted]

They’re making Joel Miller so fucking gray in the second season of this show…my coochie is not behaving y’all. IM GETTING OVERWHELMED! I need to be snowed in with that man in a cabin a bit ways off from Jackson on patrol and fucked STEWPID for a couple of days until the storm passes. NEED DAT OLD MAN SO FUCKING BAD YOU GUYS DON’T FUCKING GET IT!!

[damaramegido]

Hi my name is Frank Hard'Boiled Detectia Parrot Columbo and I have a long tan coat (that's how I got my name) and disheveled hair and soulful brown eyes like chocolate fountains and a lot of people tell me I look like Peter Falk (AN: if u dont kno who dat is get da hell out of here!!!!!) I'm not related to Philip Columbo but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a detective but my attire is messy and disheveled. I love Detective Outpost and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a long tan coat, a white shirt, a gray tie, and lavender pants. I'm also married, and I have a wife who I love more than anything (I'm middle aged). I was walking outside a crime scene. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was unhappy about because it washed away some evidence. A lot of suspects stared at me. I began my line of questioning.

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

9-1-1 Masterlist

Oh gee finally a place I can keep these! Thank you to my bestest most amazing friend in the whole world for making these headers for me i literally actually literally could not do it without you

Two of a kind

Buck can’t stop thinking about his coworker, so he does what every guy at 3am does on a 24 hour shift!! He sneaks out to his car to get off. But it turns out, certain coworkers (that might possibly be the love of his life) have the exact same idea!

Fairest of Them All:

The party downstairs rages on as Buck decides to do something about the pretty little thing he’s been staring at all night

Clothing Optional:

I can’t. I can’t keep writing summaries. I’ve done 2

After a stupid work shift, in the stupid heat, Buck just wants to enjoy a sweet little sundae, fortunately it comes with a side of dat ass (I’m not sorry)

That Should Be Me:

Buck has never ever been jealous ever a single damn day in his life

Gamer Girl

Buck thinks you’re so, so pretty. You’d looked even prettier with your thighs around his head

Now You See Me:

✨Mirror sex✨

Sleepy Hollow, 1999

Scream, 1996

The Exorcist, 1973

The Shining, 1990

Grease Lightning

The Polar Express, 2004

All The Rage

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Cootie Catcher

Growing Pains:

Everything is all wonderful and cool and dandy until you nearly die from your appendix!!

(I KNOW. THERE IS. AN AMBULANCE.)

Cry To Me:

Eddie loves when you’re crying during sex, nothing turns him on more… except when those tears are very very real and he’s very very worried

10 Things I Hate About You:

You guys freaking h a t e each other… or do you? Wink wink wink wink enemies to lovers wink

I Spy:

Eddie is the sweetest neighbor in the entire world… who knows where you work

Better Than Revenge:

You and Eddie get locked into a closet at your job after an accident, it also turns out your now EX boyfriend is a cheating asshole! Eddie has absolutely no problem filling in for the revenge role

Front Row:

Why do firehouses have to work f o r e v e r. Eddie needs a freaking shower and to pass out for the next six years on an overnight shift. It turns out someone has the same idea, and possibly another idea on how to left off some steam

Yeti Point:

Eddie finally takes you on that skiing vacation you’ve been begging him for and it’s going great! Until you get snowed in. But that’s okay, Eddie has a secret plan to keep you both warm

Slow and Steady:

Buck helps Eddie into the house, holding him up as you frantically get the bed ready for your injured boyfriend. Turns out, pain killers make Eddie horny!

(Hahahahahaha)

Encanto:

Dad!Eddie x Daughter!reader

Nightmares never get easier no matter how old you get. Especially ones where your father dies

Smoke Dector:

Eddie always has to be the hero, okay not really but it’s hard when you see your boyfriend running into a burning building for the first time

One Puff Or Two:

Take your freaking inhaler Eddie 🔪🔪🔪

Into The Fire:

(PTSD WARNING, PANIC ATTACK WARNING)

You’ve been on edge lately, and Eddie knows there’s something up. One night things come to a head when you have a nightmare about what happened and Eddie wakes up to a very bad situation

Night Changes:

Eddie comforts you after a bad nightmare about him dying over and over in different ways (based off of 5.14)

Busy Bees:

Two words ✨Sex Pollen✨

Soup or Salad?

✨I’ll freaking summarize this later✨

Sink or Swim

I Was Made For Lovin’ You

Halloween, 1978

It, 1990

Die Hard, 1988

The Easter Bunny

For All The Marbles

Adventures In Babysitting

P.S I Love You, 2007

Hitch, 2005

A Rose by any Other Name

This is one of the funniest titles I've ever made up. Buck finds your simple collection of toys and shows them to Eddie... and now they want you to put on a little show for them

Finish Line:

A little game of "whoever cums first loses"

Twice Bitten:

Double Penetration from my kinktober list!

Alexander Hamilton:

Buck can't stop having feelings for Eddie's girlfriend... but what if that's okay?

Captured, With Love

[chaos-has-theories]

(AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way

I have long ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back

and icy blue eyes like limpid tears

It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.

(that’s how I got my name)

“VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.

“Hajimemashite gurl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese)

“Tara, I see drak times are near. You see, you must go back in time.”

(geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth)

“U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him."

She Walks in Beauty (1814) / My Immortal (2006)

[basu-shokikita]

Skwistok 7 or 41 I think would be interesting 🤭

Hell yes I wanted to do 7 for these two

From this ask meme

7. (Kiss) to shut them up

It was just another morning, Skwisgaar was peacefully fretting in his room and looking at the wolves prance around the snow, his mind a whirlwind of irrelevant thoughts that didn't last more than 5 seconds each. Suddenly, the door was violently slammed open, startling him.

He turned around to see an angry Toki standing at the doorframe, arms crossed and a deep crease between his brows. Before Skwisgaar could ask what was it, Toki pointed a finger at him accusingly.

"Yous lyins to Toki!" He said, like it was a matter of fact.

Skwisgaar had been on a really long string and he didn't want to stop now, so he kept fretting as he asked, "Whats?"

"You-You says we were eggsclusives and yous still seeings sluts!" It was as his face was reddening with each word, body trembling from anger. "You liars!"

Skwisgaar was pretty sure he had never used that word to define them, too much unnecessary weight to it, but he had not sleeping with people that weren't Toki in a long time, either.

At least not that he could remember.

"Eugh, ams not seeing any sluts." He countered.

"Not trues! Moidaface says he saws you searching for gmilfs online!"

"I was deleting my gmilfs folders- waits a minute, Moidaface?" He felt his fingers hit a wrong note, though he continued playing.

"Ja, he says yous cheatings on me!"

Skwisgaar narrowed his eyes, his playing hastening to reflect his emotional state. "And you believes him. Moidaface."

"Wells, he ams mine friends and cares abouts me!" Toki shouted from across the room. "Unlikes you!"

"He loves makings de dramas Toki. For de laughs." Skwisgaar shook his head. "He ams totallies prankinks you."

Toki blinked in dismay and Skwisgaar could tell he had become aware of his idiocy. Yet, his stubbornness could more and he glared at Skwisgaar like he was real the culprit. "Thats nots true!"

"Ja, it is." Skwisgaar rolled his eyes. "Now gets in here insteads of yellingks likes a dildo."

"I-I hates you!" Toki stammered angrily, walking in Skwisgaar's direction.

As en exercise, Skwisgaar tried to match his playing to Toki's pace. "Okays."

"I hates you a lots!" Toki claimed, still getting closer.

"Shores."

"And I donts likes you no mores!"

Skwisgaar smirked. "I thinks you gots it backsways."

Toki stood in front of him, trying to appear imposing. Shimmery eyes were looking up at him, trembling lips pressed together. "You donts even likes Toki."

"Heugh, whos lyingks now?"

"Yous!" Toki swayed forward dangerously. "You wonts even stops pla-"

Skwisgaar grabbed him by the shoulders, watching the way Toki seemed to lost track of his words.

"W-Whats ams you-"

Unresponsively, Skwisgaar moved Toki to the side, so that his back was to the wall and his front facing Skwisgaar. "Dats betters." He nodded to himself.

Irate, Toki tried to shove him away but Skwisgaar caught his wrist in the air with one hand, the other supporting his weight against the wall as he leaned in to lock their lips together.

Toki whined against Skwisgaar's mouth but lowered his arm, allowing for Skwisgaar to press him against the wall. Satisfied, Skwisgaar messed with him some more before pulling back, the way an artist would to look at his work.

Like a deer in the headlights, Toki's face was flushed pink for an entirely different reason, his lips semi-parted as if they were missing Skwisgaar's. And his gaze was somewhere far, far away from Mordhaus.

"You knows you can acks me to seduscke you normallies, rights?" Skwisgaar said, removing the guitar off himself. "Or if you wants roleplays, I'm downs with dats, too."

It took a few seconds, but eventually Toki recovered his motor skills. Instead of yapping back, he frowned, arms wrapping around Skwisgaar instead. "I gets scares you gets boreds wif me..." He confessed.

"Pfft." Skwisgaar gently rubbed the top of Toki's head. "Dats imposskibles. Yous too impredictables."

Toki laughed softly. "Goods..."

"Hm..." Skwisgaar glanced at the ceiling. "Does you wants to pranks Moidaface backs?"

"Ja."

Skwisgaar smiled. "I has an ideas."

[snowsonlylove]

Looking So Crazy in Love

Pairing: Academy!Coriolanus Snow x Enemy!Reader

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N and Coriolanus Snow have been butting heads since the very first time they met despite their parents being mutual friends, which makes them frustrated as it means that they have to see each other every time the families gather. Now, they’re both 18 and are considered young adults. Their friends, Arachne and Festus, are sick of them arguing and throw them in a closet to sort it out (Arachne secretly setting this up with Festus after seeing how Coriolanus looks at Y/N), which leads to them having rough, hateful sex.

Fic Type: Smut (NSFW) 18+, Enemies to Lovers

Warnings: blowjob, unprotected sex (don’t do this people, wear it before you tap dat ass), degradation, mommy issues, lmk if i missed anything

Word Count: 2.3k

I do not own Coriolanus Snow or Y/N Y/L/N (cuz it’s you, boo). All credits go to Suzanne Collins and her team. Song credits also go to Beyonce and her team. 

Also, ageless and empty blogs will be BLOCKED as this is a 18+ fic. Report my fics and you’re blocked cuz if u don’t like it, LEAVEEEE.

Y/N Y/L/N and Coriolanus Snow first met during the tender age of 3, both being the only children of their families and the apples of their fathers’ eyes. You may think that this makes it so that they have something in common, however that is totally not the case. Since the first time they’ve looked into each other’s eyes, all they saw was someone who can take away their parent’s love because of how similar they are.

Coriolanus felt that Y/N was someone that his parents would really love as there was a time where her mother mentioned having a girl instead of a boy. That statement made him blind with rage since he thought that his mother never saw him as good enough. He professed this to his father, who looked shocked as he comforted him before confronting his mother after, which led to a huge fight he would rather not discuss.

Y/N however had it worse as her mother always saw her as someone who could take her spot as the sole love of her husband and hated her since birth. Whenever she looked into Y/N’s eyes, all she saw was hate, burning aflame as she saw red with how much she hated her daughter. Y/N not only took away her beauty, but added to her life baggage as she started to have droopy eyes, saggy breasts and a flabby stomach, making her hate Y/N more.

15 years later, both Y/N and Coriolanus are now 18, both preparing for their coming of age gala hosted in the Y/L/N’s estate. As Y/N got ready for the upcoming gala, she thought about how much better life had been had her mother accepted her for who she is. She doesn’t know why her mother hated her, always criticising her looks, her weight, her actions. She was just sick of it. She wanted a way out of it, and she would find a way.

Coriolanus on the other hand, had started to notice how Y/N’s features have benefitted her lately, her ass plumper, her breasts more prominent and her facial features all enhanced into a perfect symphony. He doesn’t know what this tugging feeling is, but he always felt it when being in proximity, especially when in the same room with Y/N. He tried to be discreet as he took glances from time to time, admiring her features. Unfortunately, he was not as sleek as he thought as a certain Arachne Crane saw this exchange and devised the perfect plan before running to her go-to pal for chaos, Festus Creed.

As Y/N finished getting ready, Coriolanus arrived to the Y/L/N mansion looking exceptionally handsome with his curls perfectly tame, his dress shirt clinging to his perfectly sculpted muscles and his blazer and dress pants a perfect blood red, referring to the Snow’s love for roses as the Snow family entered the estate, the picture of perfection if there ever was one.

Coriolanus looked around the crowd, before treating himself to a tall glass of posca, anxious to see what his arch-nemesis looked like when all of the sudden, the lights dimmed in the estate as the Y/L/N family walked down the ginormous flight of stairs, all made of expensive granite as Y/N’s parents walked down hand-in-hand before Y/N joined shortly after. All eyes on her as they stared in either awe or jealousy as she sauntered down the flight of stairs like she owned it (which she does fyi). 

Coriolanus felt every movement around him slow down as he took in Y/N’s appearance as one of an angel, with her feathery dress cut down to a modest length, ending just above her thighs as the dress had jewels and rhinestones echo around her in a wave of beauty, wrapping around her features like a second skin of sorts. As he glanced at her, she suddenly met his gaze and gave him a look of confusion, which immediately made him snap out of his trance as he walked away.

Y/N reached the floor of the gala as she glided through the crowd to the drinks station, in which she entertained herself to a glass of posca, swallowing the harsh liquid in one go. She examined the crowd as she saw her friends talking and decided to join in their conversation. “Hi guys, what are we discussing?” Arachne looked at Y/N, feigning surprise all the sudden, “Oh! Look who’s joined us, the star of the moment.” Y/N looked at Arachne with a pointed look, tilting her head to the side, “That, I am. Thank you for saying that, Arachne. Always looking forward to hearing something so unprofessional from that dick-sucking mouth of yours.” She gave her a snide smile after.

Most of the friend group around them laughed, some even slapping their friend’s arms in disbelief. It was at that moment where Coriolanus showed up and swung a hand over Y/N’s shoulder, acting as if they were best friends. Y/N then looked at him incredulously, shoving his hand out of her shoulder. The group looked at them as if they were watching a movie. The atmosphere was tense for a moment before Clemensia let out a frustrated sigh, “Oh my god! Guys, what is up with you two? You guys always fight every time you’re together and it’s killing me over here!” 

Both Y/N and Coriolanus looked at her, shocked before their arms were pulled by two bodies. Arachne pulled Y/N and Festus pulled Coriolanus as they dragged the two to a quiet shady place in the Y/L/N estate before shoving them in a nearby closet and locking it from the outside. “Y/N! Coriolanus! We’re sick of you two fighting! You two better work it out if you want to be let out!” Y/N’s and Coriolanus’s hands were turned to fists as their hands furiously banged on the closet to be let out. “Let me out, you bitch! Oh, just wait until I get out of here!” Y/N screamed as her face turned red. Arachne and Festus laughed from outside the closet before pulling each other towards the gala, leaving the two of them alone.

Coriolanus sighed as Y/N gave up and tried her best to sit with whatever space they had. “Hey, are you okay?” Coriolanus said as Y/N looked at him, her face the picture of female rage. “Okay? What the fuck do you mean am i okay Coriolanus?! Are you fucking kidding me?! God! I can’t believe you’re that dumb!” Coriolanus was offended by that statement as he stared at her for a moment for furrowed brows before responding in an equally frustrated tone, “I’m just trying to comfort you, Y/N! God! I can’t even be civil with you anymore! Genuinely, what do I have to do to make you show me just an ounce of respect?!” 

Y/N looked at him with a deadpan expression, “Are you actually fucking with me right now? Coryo, we’ve never been friends! The fact that you think we'd be best friends now is seriously beyond me. Why do you even care, huh? Every time you look at me, all you do is look at me like I crushed your favourite Barbie doll or something, why do you think I’d be civil with you?” She kept on riling him up as Coriolanus stood in the closet, heaving huge, deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down before he suddenly exploded, “Because I like you, okay! Good God! I don’t know when or how I like you but it. just. happened. There! Happy now?!’

Y/N looked at him, her breaths slowing down as she looked at him with an expression of disbelief, “What… W-What? H-How, Coriolanus?” “I don’t know, Y/N! All I know is that I’m in love with you and it’s killing me that you’re not even looking at me whenever we’re together.” Y/N looked at him, her mouth turned to an “O” shape, “Oh…” Coriolanus continued, his hands suddenly going to cup her cheeks as he leaned his forehead towards hers, “Y/N Y/L/N… I have been in love with you and I haven’t been honest about it. I’ve gone from wanting to kill you.. to wanting to kill for you. Please, don’t push me away. Let’s work this out..” 

Y/N reluctantly leaned in as she closed the gap between them, their teeth and tongues clashing together in a crazed frenzy. It was almost like a battle between them as Y/N pulled on Coriolanus’s bottom lip as he pushed her against the closet with what little space they had, making the closet move with great force as they stumbled a little without breaking their kiss. They continue this battle as they roughly shoved each other’s clothes out of the other’s as Y/N tore Coriolanus’s dress shirt open after shoving his blazer off, ripping the fabric and tearing the buttons off in the process.

Meanwhile, Coriolanus’s hands went to the back of her dress and quickly pulled her zipper down before roughly shoving her dress down, tugging her lace underwear down and unclipping her bra with one hand. Y/N’s hands roamed around his chest as she moved from kissing his lips to kissing his neck, collarbone and shoulder before continuing all the way to his barely visible happy trail, tugging the zipper of his pants down just enough for her to pull his huge, aching hardness with pre-cum leaking on its tip.

Y/N tried her best to kneel as she looked up to him with her eyes glazed with lust as she pumped his dick up and down a few times before swirling her tongue on the tip of his dick and working up until she was able to take about half of his dick until she suddenly felt this force on her head, pushing her down further to take more of his dick. She then heard one of the most slutty groans ever as she smirked in accomplishment. She started with a slow but deep pace before Coriolanus aided her in increasing her speed into a rough, unforgettably fast pace as the closet echoed with his groans and her gagging on his cock.

This did not last long as Coriolanus groaned a final time before shoving her head all the way to the hilt of his dick as he came into her throat. Y/N moaned as she felt the warm liquid in her throat as she swallowed dutifully before looking up at Coriolanus with her mascara streaming down her face, her lipstick smushed as when she pulled his dick out of her mouth, there was a noticeably red print on his dick. After pulling it out her mouth, Coriolanus continued grabbing her hair as he pulled her into another rough kiss and lined his dick with her pussy before stroking it to her clit a few times and finally pushing it in her dripping wetness, both of them moaning loudly in the process.

Coriolanus moaned, “Ohh, so good, Y/N. Such a dirty, dirty girl. You enjoyed having my dick in your mouth, huh? You're my nasty little slut, yeah? My. dirty. little. whore..” He said as he thrusted his erection in her center with every word. Y/N sighed in pleasure as she shakily moaned while she played with her tits, “Y-Yes, Coryo. Fuck me h-harder, I’m y-your little slut. I’m such a dirty little w-whore.”

This fueled Coryo as his thrusts became rougher and he continued thrusting himself into her harder and harder, causing the closet to shake in tandem as their moans and groans echoed around the closet. There was also a very distinct sound of skin slapping echoing as his balls slapped her ass, both Y/N and Coriolanus wrapping their arms around each other as Coriolanus lifted her right leg up to his waist as his thrusts became deeper with him getting close.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come, sweetheart. Such a good little whore..” His forehead was glistening with sweat as he felt his body becoming warmer and warmer with Y/N moaning incessantly as she also felt herself getting closer, “O-Ohh, Coryo! I’m so close, so so close. Oh, you’re gonna make me come.” She panted, “I’m coming, Coryo. I’m coming. OHH GODD!”

“So good, Y/N. So good..” Coriolanus panted as he quickly pulled out of her and pushed her down to her knees before pumping his cock and cumming on her face and breasts. His cum was everywhere. It decorated her nose, her eyebrows, her eyelashes, her forehead, down to her cheeks and lips, which were covered with his pearly white, spent. The rest was all over her collarbone, shoulder and her breasts as well as the valley of it. She damn looked like a whore, his whore.

“Y’so pretty like this.. covered in my cum everywhere. Just like one of those district whores. But now, you’re all mine sweetheart, you’d do well to remember that.” He said with an evil smirk. Y/N looked up at him, her eyes gleaming with mischief as she gave an evil smile of her own, “Who’s to say I am? You know, I might as well be fucking someone else. Sejanus looks pretty handsome tonight. Might even invite him-” Her words were taken out of her as his eyes turned a dark hue and he dragged her towards him and kissed her lips hard before going down and sucking a big, fat hickey on her. He tasted himself on her tongue but he didn’t care as he kept sucking, therefore preventing her on finding any other guy. 

Y/N moaned as she tangled her hands in his hair as as he pulled his face from her neck, he said with a dark tone, “No, sweetheart… That’s never gonna happen with me. Unless you look forward to seeing Sejanus’s decapitated head on the news one day? That is not happening anytime soon.. You’re mine, understand? No one is gonna touch you from now on.. You’re mine as much as I’m yours, understood?”

Y/N gave him a small smile as she responded with a soft tone, “Understood, Coryo.”

[hhanxue]

"There's places in there nobody won't never see into—nobody knows what lives in there either."

Returning to some horror (?) classics inspiration for the new lcb sinner oc. Here comes Défago, based on a character from Algernon Blackwood's "The Wendigo". Subtitle: [RÔDEUR] (fr. "Stalker) ***

Born in District 12 Nest, Joseph Défago was drafted into the Smoke War as a teen. He fought, he ran, and managed to move to the outer Districts, where he carved out a new life as a guide to the Outskirts. He was unlicensed, unafraid, and alive in ways his past life never allowed. For him, the wilderness was a calling.

Until that expedition. Deep in the black pines—where no human had ever walked and returned—Défago was dying. Bleeding out, fingers blue with frostbite, he fumbled with his lighter. The fire wouldn’t catch. And then... something spoke. Not to his ears, but to the hunger in his bones. "Défago." "Do not weep. Give it to me." "Your feet—lusting for horizons." "Your eyes—hungering for beauty." "Your memory—defining the essence of humanity." "I will take it all."

When he woke, the cold was gone. So were his wounds. His pack sat beside him, untouched. The snow bore no footprints leading in—only the mangled remains of something vaguely human, half-buried behind him.

He blinked at it, uncomprehending, then turned back toward the City. His name was Joseph Défago.

*** "Your file says you've stopped guiding," the man in the owl mask noticed. "Interesting."

Défago smiled good-heartedly.

"Stopped? Non, non, just… took a break. Guess I miss the City, me." ***

Intro: "Ah, Manager Boss! Good to see you—eh, real good. Joseph Défago, at your service."

Particulars: Sense of direction, Cheerful

[A seasoned guide from the Outskirts, this sinner exhibits exceptional adaptability and teamwork. While his optimism might seem excessive for someone in his profession, it’s proven effective in keeping the team functional. He respects authority, yet operates best with minimal oversight; give him a direction, and he’ll carve a path through most problems.]

E.G.O: Call of the Distance ("Hear dat, eh? Somebody's callin' homeward...") Sin Affinity: Gluttony

Facts: - Finds rational explanations for every quirk he has. Genuinely believes in them. He never gets cold? "Built up immunity!" He eats for three people? "A guide's habit—never know when the next meal comes, non?" His fingertips are always cold even in hot weather? "Eh, bad metabolism." - The real Défago was a quiet, introverted man who hated the City. But this one is quite the opposite. In his opinion, he's "just become a bit more mature." - Older brother energy. (ironically he's one of the nicest and outgoing sinners on the team)

[rebelliousstories]

Seasons Greetings

25 Days of Ficmas

Relationship: Remy LeBeau/Gambit x Reader

Fandom: X-Men

Request: No

Warnings: Fluff

Word Count: 1,078

Main Masterlist: Here

X-Men Masterlist: Here

Summary: Being so far away from home at the holidays, it was not something that most people could do. But leave it to a Cajun in love with another Cajun to bring home to him.

Consider Donating: Here

“Remy, ya ‘round ‘ere somewhere?” Poking her head into another room in the mansion, the woman was on the hunt. Looking around for her lover, she was trying to locate him so that he could come have some dinner.

“Remy, where ya at?” She called again, dipping into a random study. Finally, the familiar head of hair sitting against the windowsill. Sighing in relief, she was not sure whether or not she had gotten his attention, but came over to sit next to him.

Wrapping her arms around Gambit, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Whatcha doin’ up here, mon amour?”

“Just thinkin’, chere. Dats all.” Remy grumbled, keeping his eyes outside on the snowy ground below. He pressed a kiss to her warmed hand in return.

“Gon’ need more den dat, Remy. Ya been upset for da past few days. Tell me what’s wrong,” she tried to prompt him onto speaking more.

“Well, I just… guess da Gambit is feelin’ bit homesick, or- or like, nostalgic tonight ‘s all.” Muttering into the sweater the covered her arms, he tried to almost disappeared into the soft wool.

“Oh, Remy,” she cooed, nuzzling into the side of his head. “Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout dat’s got you feelin’ so down?”

He took a minute to answer, looking very hesitant to say what it was. “‘Member dem bonfires up and da road on Christmas Eve? I miss those da most.”

“Maybe we should show these Yankees what a proper Cajun Christmas looks like, yeah?” She shook the other Cajun slightly, looking deep into his eyes. There was a twinkle there that had not been there before as he got excited at the prospect.

“It’s snowin’, but dat jus’ means dat de ground no set ablaze.” Her smiled widened as Remy was getting into the spirit again.

Rushing to throw on the proper outside attire, she barely managed to get her coat on when she was being pulled out the door by her boyfriend. Giggling, they set out together to gather enough dry wood and sticks to build their little fires. It was a little difficult with the snow, but they made it work.

Once they gathered enough to make one, now the real fun began. The more wood they gathered became different shapes and creations. Remy managed to find just enough to turn into a log cabin looking thing, while she attempted to make one that looked like an alligator. All the while, they kept laughing, and smiling. Reminiscing about their childhood Christmas’s.

“What are you two doing?” A sudden voice came through as they were building a fleur-de-lis. Ororo stood there, white hair nearly blending in with the snowy background.

“Cajun Christmas, Storm.” The woman beamed, adding small twigs where she could.

“And what do you do with these wooden structures?” Noticing just how many there were around the front yard of the school, Storm was utterly confused as to what these two crazy Cajuns were going to do.

“We light ‘em up.” Remy stated.

“That checks.” Storm shrugged. “Want an extra hand?”

And just like that, now three people were working on building. Ororo was intrigued as the two southerners explained to her why they did what they did. “In Cajun country, these bonfires light the way for Christmas mass. Dey serve gumbo, and make sure people reach church before Pére Nöel reaches der houses. We must put up a hundred o’ these before Christmas Eve.”

“Yeah. And Pére Nöel to us Cajuns don’t come in a sled wit’ da reindeer. He come wit’ a pirouge pulled by gators. Dis why Cajuns da best.” She added to her boyfriend’s explanation.

The stories from their childhood around these bonfires demonstrated clearly just how much this tradition meant to them. She also noticed that Gambit was in a much better mood than he had been recently. Perhaps this is what he needed; a little taste of home.

What the three did not know was that they were slowly accumulating an audience. Students watched from the windows, or they made their way to sit on the front porch of the school. The other adults were also finding ways to watch what the three were doing. Only when they began lighting them up, did they realize what had happened. Oohs and aahs sounded off, making them look over to the front of the school.

However, one person that did not understand what was going on was Charles. As he rode through the school, he became more and more confused as he could not find a single student nor teacher. That is, until he felt the culmination of all of their thoughts out front. Wheeling closer, he panicked a bit as he saw the flames but calmed down when he actually made it outside. With a smile, the professor found a spot to sit and watch the display of beautiful flames, and enjoy the warmth they provided.

Lighting the last structure, Remy grabbed his girlfriend’s hand and pulled her up to where the students and teachers sat. He sent a smile to Xavier, who winked a him in return. Storm went over to stand with Rogue and Wolverine who watched with rapt attention.

“This makin’ ya feel bettah, Remy?” She asked, leaning her head back onto his chest while she sat in front.

“Yes, it is, chere. Merci beaucoup.” Gambit pressed a kiss to her neck, and watched as the flames danced higher and higher. The chill of Christmas was gone, and he knew it was not about the temperature outside.

The fires went out a few hours later, but they continued watching until the wooden structures had been reduced to cinders. Only then, did everyone begin making their way in.

“Gambit,” Storm called, “thank you for letting me help you both. That was a lot of fun. Perhaps we can do it tomorrow for actual Christmas and you two can make some gumbo?” She left to go back into the warmth of the school before her after that.

However, the couple was stopped by Charles before they made their way in. “That was wonderful, you two. Next time, let me know first. I almost panicked when I saw the smoke rising.”

The couple looked at each other with matching smirks. Stepping forward, she rested her hand on the professor’s chair to lead them all inside. “Tell me, Charles. You ever had proper gumbo?”

Oh yeah. Remy was definitely in love with this woman.

[bloodyinkandquill]

Valk x Reader

alright got permission from the requester to just do general hcs, i woke up 4-5 hours before my alarm because we’re having a late start day due to the snow, don’t feel as shitty mentally but i’m still not doing great, reasonably

- You weren’t entirely sure how you ended up dating one of the Inpherno’s most famous idols, who is also a demi deity and technically a prince, but hey you aren’t complaining

- Valk is an incredibly sweet partner and an overall very loving guy, he always lets you know just how much he loves and adores you, wether through actions or words, he can be super cheesy about it but it’s incredibly sincere and loving, so even if you roll your eyes at how sappy he’s being you love the way he treats you

- He is an incredibly touchy guy, he is constantly touching you, holding your hand, giving you hugs and kisses, cuddling, bumping horns with you, just any way for him to touch you really, since he’s very likely shorter then you he’s usually little spoon or he just lays on top of you, he’s surprisingly light honestly, unlike Dom he loves when you touch his wings, they’re small and sensitive but it’s an intimate and trusting thing for him to let you touch them, so if while you’re cuddling you pet his wings he literally melts

- He sends you those cheesy videos of two cats doing something loving or even just sitting next to each other that have the caption ‘us<3’, he sends you so many of those it’s not even funny at this point, if one of the cats is an orange cat he always calls being that one, he is very orange cat coded

- He uses those embarrassing over the top pet names for you, you groan and light heartedly swat at him but he just laughs and keeps calling you them, if you retaliate you end up in a war of who can call each other the more embarrassing couples pet name, Dom just looks exhausted by it

- Speaking of Dom you obviously get to know him more, you can tell the differences of the brother’s personalities a lot clearer, but you also see their real personalities not their stage ones, he’s totally chill with you since you make his brother happy but you did get some serious shovel talk when your partner first introduced you to his brother

- Valk unsurprisingly loves karaoke, it’s probably his favorite date night activity, he doesn’t mind if you can’t sing you’re doing the thing he loves, and besides half the fun of karaoke is sucking absolute balls at it, if anything he’s the one ruining the fun being a professional trained singer, but it’s nice to have a private room where you let loose, maybe have a drink, eat some like ice cream parfaits and sing out music like maniacs

- Other dates you two usually do are nice fancy dinners, or nights in gaming, he can and will kick your ass at whatever the equivalent of Mario Kart is, maybe also going to an arcade together, unfortunately most of your dates are in their home or yours because he gets recognized in public, he can to some extent to undercover and make himself less recognizable but it only works so well, you promise him you don’t mind you knew what you were signing up for by dating him

- His love language is yes. He basically falls into all of them, he may slightly prefer some over the others but for the most part he shows and feels loved by all of them, so whatever yours is he’s absolutely fine with, he feels loved regardless and can love you regardless

- His work hours are so inconsistent it’s crazy, sometimes you have two weeks of him barely doing anything other days he and Don have to go into the studio at 5 am, but between it all he reminds you just how much he loves and treasures you, sending you long winded texts about how much he adores you, any and everything about you

- If you’re insecure about anything about yourself he’s saying the most loving and sweet things about it till you want to cry over how amazing he’s being towards you, you feel inferior sometimes seeing as you’re dating him who has so many fans and people who’d kill to date him, but he just reminds you how much he loves you and that there’s no one else in the entire Inphinity he’d rather be with

- Meeting his grandpa was stressful to say the least, not only is he the legal guardian of your lover, he’s a literal god, and your king, so that was not a good time you were incredibly anxious but it went well and eventually it became less scary to see Firebrand

- On the other hand it never became any less scary to see any of his siblings, you see them a lot less so never can really get used to them, the family dinners Firebrand hosts once or twice a year are like a game of mental chess, but Valk is by your side the whole time reassuring you and comforting you, his family isn’t so scary when you get to know them, you disagree but you aren’t saying that

- You call him Mic/Microphone, that’s his name so why wouldn’t you? Valk is just his stage name, you also call Dom by his real name Meg/Megaphone, only a handful of demons have the permission to call the brother’s their real names so it’s nice

i self ship with both flipside brothers so this was a nice break to write, i’m fucking starving right now i’ll probably make myself some breakfast here soon, anyways hope you enjoyed adios

[babyzzai]

hiii!! hewwwoooww!!! i weawwy loves ur hcs!! i juf found uw blog an i love it sm!!! i saw dat u make mostly lil!dazai hcs, but could i get lil!chuuyah hc?? if u not comfy w makin it/u no wanna do it, itz fine!!

little chuuya headcanons ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

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i actually LOVE little chuuya. hes so special to me, but my favorite character just happens to be dazai which is why i talk about him so much, but i am MORE than happy to write babychuu!! :3

⋆ ˚｡⋆⟡♡⟡⋆｡˚ ⋆

headcanons below the cut! . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ chuuya regresses to 5 years old! hes a flip with a caregiver lean! hes a very polite kiddo, and is honestly an easy kid to take care of. youd think with his confident personality when hes big hed be a bit more of a louder kid, but honestly, hes very calm and polite. he says please and thank you, he cleans up after himself, a very good baby :3

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ he LOVES those airbuds movies, i made a post about it around a month ago, those movies with all the golden retriever puppies, like santa buddies, spooky buddies, snow buddies, treasure buddies, etc. theyre his absolute favorite!! he gets so excited to see them! anything puppy themed is his go to, seeing as how much he loves puppies. i can also see him liking paw patrol, and hell get all excited and keep on saying "chase is on the case!".

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ he likes to go outside a lot! in the spring and summer hell play in the mud and get pretty dirty, but chuuya knows its not good to track mud and dirt and grass around the house, so hell allow himself to get cleaned up at the end of the day and then have a nice little treat as a reward :3

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ hes mostly verbal when regressed, hes not really a baby baby, moreso toddler/kiddo age, he can vocalize his wants and needs pretty well, but there are a few times he needs nonspeaking time, or help with big words.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ hes had a few caregivers in his lifetime.

♡ in the sheep, regression was common (i mean- theyre all kids having to act like adults with no parents, living on the streets. it makes sense that some of the sheep would use regression as a coping mechnaism). no one in the sheep really had a set caregiver, but shirase and chuuya were close, so shirase would babysit chuuya.

♡ then albatross was a caregiver for chuuya. ill admit i havent read stormbringer yet... i wanna but idk why im procrastinating 😭 i know a decent amount about it, and about the flags from fanfictions and just being in the fandom though. i dont think albatross really knew a name for what chuuya was going through, but i do think he loved and cared about chuuya, and understood he was traumatized and not doing well mentally, and figured it would make sense for chuuyas brain to seek comfort in a childlike way. he already viewed chuuya as his little brother, he didnt care what age that meant, he just wanted to be there for him! the rest of the flags would babysit for chuuya as well, doc would bandage any ouchies hed get and give him a lolipop to keep him from crying. lippman would love to dress chuuya in fun outfits, and vice versa. iceman would spend quiet time with chuuya and color with him, let him sleep on his lap, pet his hair and make him some tea while he drank his coffee (giving caffeine to a five year old doesnt go over well, lol, he didnt want chuuya too excited- that part he left for albatross lol). i hc specifically that iceman would give chuuya sleepytime tea to get him tired and to fall asleep lol, he likes a quiet environment, and though chuuya is by no means a rowdy kid, sometimes its just nice to relax with a sleeping baby in your lap! i dont know much about pianoman tbh... but he babysat for chuuya too!!

♡ i could see adam being a caregiver as well, and this is where chuuya discovered that what he experienced had a name- age regression. adam, being a robot, was able to inform and educate chuuya about it in a way that the sheep or the flags couldnt. chuuya didnt see anything wrong with it. from all of his life that he could remember he regressed, other people he knew regressed, no one had a problem with it, and if they did they could mind their own business, so help him, lol.

♡ and then ofc, dazai caregives for chuuya! whereas i headcanon chuuya as a flip, dazai is solely a regressor, and has problems accepting his own regression, but would take care of chuuya no questions asked at the drop of a hat. he knows chuuya would, and does, do the same for him, and theyre partners. having each others backs and taking care of each other is what they do. and if taking care of each other means watching paw patrol for hours, or taking chuuya to the park to pet some puppies, or cradling him as he falls asleep, drooling onto dazais chest, then thats what hes gonna do.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ the caregiver headcanons were so long... but its not my fault, everyone loves chuuya!! they all wanna take care of the baby!!

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ pet names!! i think chuuya would like to be called baby boy, honey, kid/kiddo, pretty common ones. dazai would ofc use chibi, mackeral, and slug, i read somewhere the hc that he calls baby chuuya neonate, which is the baby version of a slug lol, and i love that. adam calls chuuya very basic names, like sweetheart and honey. i like to imagine shirase calling chuuya little lamb, cuz they were in the sheep, and singing mary had a little lamb to him, and chuuya was the little lamb.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ speaking of the sheep, chuuya has a sheep nightlight. he uses it when not regressed too, because hes scared of the dark. it gives him nightmares and reminds him of his time in the lab. so his sheep nightlight lets him sleep easier.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ bed time is relatively easy for chuuya. hes an active baby, always wanting to get his hands onto a new activity, be it playing, coloring, tv, drawing, games, whatever. hes always a bit tuckered out by the end of the day and will easily fall asleep in his caregivers arms. he really, really likes to be cradled to sleep, or hugged in someones arms, because the warmth and safety of his caregiver's arms is a welcomed difference to the cold, loneliness he felt in the lab, or when he was afraid and breaking down all alone :(

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ chuuya is a trauma regressor (he is heavily implied to have cptsd, and i also headcanon him to have bpd). he regresses to cope with not remembering his childhood, and moreso from what he does remember of his childhood.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ chuuyas a bit of an older kid, and he doesnt usually suck his thumb, but if hes feeling especially nervous or had a bad day or is having a panic attack or flashback, i think hed start sucking his thumb for comfort (despite telling dazai not to when hes taking care of him lol). dazai never understood the sentiment of pacifiers, but he knew when he was regressed and sucked on his fingers, chuuya always made him sue a pacifier, so he thought in the long run chuuya would appreciate if he gave him a pacifier to suck on. chuuya accepts it, he has nothing against pacifiers, he just needs the sucking sensation to calm down.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗ the baby loves cuddles!! even when hes not little, too, but especially when hes feeling small!! hell tuck his head under his caregivers chin and nuzzle into the neck, and he loves to sit on his caregiver's lap! and yknow whats even better than cuddles...? KISSES!! chuuya, the eversweet little guy he is, loves to give his caregiver kisses, and loves to be kissed!! he loves to shower them with kisses on their cheeks, and feels so warm and cozy when hes being put to bed for the night and his caregiver gives him a sweet, tender kiss on the forehead.

ugh i have so many more headcanons but this is getting really long... im so into little chuuya especially with the release of the stormbringer manga... like theres no way this poor child doesnt regress to cope ☹️ i lowkey had to remind myself not to make this caregiver dazai centered because im brainrotted by soukoku lol. hes there vaguely, but i wanted little chuuya to be the center of attention!!

[raya-hunter01]

Let It Snow

One Shot

Jey Uso x Black Female OC! (Mila)

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut; oral, sex, fluff,

Summary: It's Christmas Eve and Main Event Jey Uso is upset that the trip that he planned for his girlfriend Mila is not off to a good start. Frustrated, Jey goes live on his Instagram complaining about the snow. Now going through a snow storm the couple decide to make the best of it..

Let it snow!

“Yo’…… What is this shit? All mountains…… Yo, this that stuff ya’ll don’t see though,” Jey sighed full of frustration as we were going through a snowstorm warning. “Come on babe, we’re almost there,” I sighed as he ended his IG story.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m just frustrated nothin’ is goin’ right. Our first rental broke down, and I almost missed the show tonight. Now with this rental, they let damn third and second-row seats down to inspect them and now they stuck, looks like we drivin’ a bed,” Jey said as I looked in the backseat. 

He had a point, but if he knew what I wanted to do on those seats, I don’t think he would mind.

“Babe, it’s fine at least they were able to get us this SUV at the last minute and they cut the price down,” I said trying to see the good in the situation.

“We could have been stranded in that town until after Christmas, but the rental place came through at least on that part,” I said trying to point out what we should be thankful for.  

“Yeah, they did so I’ll give them that, but the hits just keep coming.  How does a snowstorm warning come as the snow is falling? We stuck drivin’ like old people make love, slow as snails,” he ranted as I bit back a smirk at his analogy. 

“Look just breathe, It’s ok baby. Everything is working out, it’s just takin’ us a little longer than planned to get to the cabin,” I said as he kissed my hand.

“I know I’m trippin’ and I’m sorry.  I just wanted something better than this for our first Christmas trip together Mila.  It’s been a disaster, nothin’ has gon’ right at all,” Jey said glancing at me as I played with his hair.

“Jey, you can’t help what happened with the rental and you can’t control the weather. I’m just happy we’re here together," I said as he sighed, rubbing his hand over his beard.

“You right, but I still should have just requested the house show off today. We could have been warm in the cabin, and watching the snow fall instead of driving in it,” he said caressing my leg.

“Uh no, you shouldn’t have, the fans loved you tonight. Many people got those tickets as Christmas gifts and you guys made so many little kids dreams come true tonight. Never take that for granted because in an instant it can be gone,” I said as he smiled at me.

“I just love you da hell outta you, you know dat right," he said glancing at me as I blushed. 

Unbuckling my seatbelt, I leaned over slowly caressing his chin, gently kissing him on the neck as he groaned in pleasure.

“See you startin’ shit, don’t make me throw yo’ ass in the backseat and have my way wit you,” his deep voice warned as I smirked against his neck before returning to my seat looking innocently at him.  

“Then you lookin’ at me like that. I’m serious Mila, you gon’ bring in Christmas full of dick and carpet burns on yo’ ass, keep playin’ he said as I laughed.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, you gon’ have to stand on business you keep talkin’ like that now. I just wanted to tell you, that I love you too,” I said turning up the radio as he smirked keeping his eyes focused on the highway.

Jey’s POV

“Everyone here at the quiet storm would like to thank you all for tuning in on this cold, snowy Christmas Eve. Tis the season to be with the ones you love.  So, fellas grab ya ladies and make some beautiful memories,” the DJ said as Let It Snow by Boyz II Men and Brian McKnight began playing. “A’ight ya’ll set the mood,” I said as the slow ballad filled the car.

Let it snow

Let it snow

Let it snow, let it snow

“I know right, it doesn’t even feel like Christmas until I hear this. It’s one of my favorite Christmas songs,” Mila said leaning back in her seat, humming as I smiled at her.

Having an Idea, I looked at my road markers and turned off the highway. “What are you doing?” Mila asked as I backed off the road a little in between two trees turning on the brights making the deserted road covered with beautiful white snow glow.

“You’ll see baby,” I whispered turning up the music before I got out and went around to her side of the car, opening her door. 

“Jey, it’s cold as hell and we already ain’t dressed for this type of weather. You got on a hoodie, and I got on this dress,” she stressed as I laughed grabbing her blanket off her lap and helping her out of the car.

Hey, it's another Christmas Holiday

It's a joyous thing let the angels sing.

Cause we're together.

“You heard the DJ, he told me to grab yo’ fine ass and make some memories,” I said leading her to the front of our rental as she smiled shyly at me.

“You are just full of surprises,” she whispered as I twirled her around, wrapping her blanket around us as we swayed to the music. “Gotta keep you on your toes,” I said as she laughed.

“Nah, what you doin' is makin’ me fall even harder for you Mr. Fatu,” Mila whispered running her fingers through my hair. I felt my heart swell as her beautiful eyes held me captive.

“That means I’m on the right track Vaivai,” I whispered as she blushed at my use of my native tongue.

We got a thing here, can't let it slip away

Though outside is rain and sleet

When our bodies meet...

I don't care 'bout the weather

“So, you think I’m beautiful?” Mila asked as the light shone on her beautiful face making her even more stunning than she already was.

The snow seemed to be falling harder and I knew we should get back on the road, but I didn’t care I was in the moment with her and that was all that mattered.

“You my beautiful angel,” I confessed, pulling her closer as she laid her head on against my chest, slowly grazing her fingertips across my chest making my heart race.  

Let it snow, let it snow

Outside it's cold but the fire's blazin'

So baby let it snow

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Feeling her shiver against me I wrapped her blanket tighter around us as she looked up at me smiling brightly.

“I would have never dreamed we would be out here dancin’ in the snow, I know you hate it,” Mila said as I gently kissed her.

“It seems to be growin’ on me…Especially since you here wit me,” I said, her hands caressing my face as I fell deeper into the beautiful pool of her brown eyes as she shyly nibbled on her bottom lip.

Mila's POV

Talk about a core memory…. Jey’s strong arms around my waist holding me close as we danced in the snow. I felt safe and loved, something he always promised me I would feel if I just gave him a chance.

I wanna wrap you up, baby

Then you'll see you're the only present I need

There's so much more

Waiting for you in store

 “You just keep biting dat lip, you know what that does to me, Mila,” Jey moaned gently caressing my lower lip with his thumb, his words making my pussy quiver.

“Stand on business then ma ave au,” I whispered kissing his thumb, slowly opening my plump lips, swirling my tongue around it as he growled lowly.

From this precious day

I can gladly say

There's no place that I'd rather be

“Mmm, you want me to stand on business and take you? That what you want baby?" Jey asked as I released his thumb. "Yes," I panted breathlessly as he used his thumb to once more caress my lips before finally taking me in a slow sensual kiss.

My knees became weaker by the second as we explored each other’s mouths, desperate to get closer. Three weeks had been too long for us both.

“I been dreamin’ bout you and what I’d do when I saw you again. You ready for me baby?” Jey asked, tortuously moving his kisses to my shoulder, playing with the straps on my dress.

And oh, you are my everything, come a little closer

God must have sent you down from heaven

Let it snow, let it snow

My hands trembling as I gripped his shirt. “Mmm, Yes, I want you so bad,” I moaned into the blistery night air unafraid to say what I wanted and needed.

Jey growled suddenly grasping my thighs, wrapping my legs around his waist, carrying me back to our SUV as I nibbled on his neck.

I don't care 'bout the weather baby

All I need you to do is be with me, baby

Let it snow

As long as you're here with me

Let it snow

“Once again Merry Christmas from the crew here at the Quiet Storm goodnight, everybody,” I heard the DJ faintly say as I feasted on Jey’s neck, his moans urging me to have my way.

Carrying me around to the back of the SUV, Jey opened the liftgate and gently laid me down as I slid back towards the front, avoiding our luggage.

 “Shit, the lights. We don’t need anybody stopping thinkin’ we need some help. We ain’t got much time, and you betta be naked when I get back Mila,” his deep sexy voice commanded as he ran back around to the driver’s side.

I quickly discarded my clothes laying on my blanket and using my dress as a pillow.

 I felt a blast of heat above me, feeling thankful he turned the heat up. Planting my feet and opening my legs I closed my eyes in anticipation.

Hearing the liftgate close, my breath hitched and my heart began to race as I felt Jey’s hand caressed my legs.

“Fuck, you look so gorgeous like this, waiting for me to take you,” Jey moaned as I trembled feeling him between my thighs lightly running his fingertips across my hips.

“Baby please,” I begged not ashamed in the slightest as his lips lightly brushed across mine.

“Look at me Mila, I want you to watch me… Watch me pleasin’ you baby,” Jey moaned grasping my chin, making me look at him as I trembled against him.

“Jey don’t tease me,” I whimpered against his lips as I felt him smirk. “I wouldn’t dream of it beautiful,” he whispered slowly inching into my welcoming fountain.

“Mmm, Fuck!” I exclaimed as each thrust was better than the last as I felt him growing more and more inside me.

“Yea, you love feelin’ dat dick rock up in dat pussy, don’t you baby?” Jey asked biting back a moan, clawing his back.

“Yes, baby, fuck yes,” I moaned, my back arched in ecstasy exposing my ever-sensitive neck. Growling in appreciation Jey began sucking greedily on my neck as my pleasure continued to climb higher with each powerful thrust.

“That's it, that's what I wanted...Just like dat Mila, you beautiful baby,” he praised as I shivered, his teeth lightly grazing my neck.

 I began to move against him as he hissed, stilling my hips.

“Not yet, I don’t want you to cum yet,” he declared sitting back on his knees, one hand grasping my hips, sinking slowly and deeply inside me setting a steady pace as the other lightly grasped my neck.

“Baby…babybabybabyjey. Mmm, you so deep,” I purred as he took me how he wanted.

“Mmhmm and you takin’ it all Mila. Fuck!  You such a good girl, I love dat shit,” Jey praised me as my eyes rolled back in pleasure.

“I love it too,” I proclaimed, sitting up wrapping my arms around his neck, and bouncing to meet his thrusts. Claiming his lips in a powerful kiss, our tongues met again with urgency.

"Fuck, Mmhm! Bounce on dat dick and show me how much you missed it", Jey whispered, intertwining our hands givin' me leverage as I bounced with wild abandon, on a mission for us both.

"Mmm, you like that baby," I groaned flicking my tongue against his lips as a low growl escaped them.

“Yes! Fuck yes,” Jey moaned, releasing my hands, lowering me down, and spreading my legs wider. His thrusts never faltered as a strangled moan fell from his lips as he snapped his hips forward, going deeper inside me.

"Jey! Shit!" I gasped, drowning in pleasure as he pleased me. His intense gaze holding me captive.

“Uh huh, I ain’t forgot bout that spot baby, fuck dat pussy getting’ even wetter for me. You close ain’t you?” Jey moaned as our hips pounded against each other.

Yes! I'm so close," I cried, my eyes glazed over in pleasure as I finally gave in and allowed them to close. Biting my bottom lip, I shyly put my hands over my face.

“Look at me, Mila stop hiding from me. If you don’t, I’ll stop,” Jey declared as I forced my eyes open." Jey, please,” I moaned as he began rubbing his thumb and forefinger against my clit sending shockwaves through my body.

“I got you, baby, I promise,” Jey moaned as I began moving against him again as he groaned. “Mmm, I know baby,” I moaned as his fingers swirled around my clit again before he traced my lips with the same two fingers.

“Open up for Daddy baby,” he whispered, slowly slipping his fingers inside my mouth. Groaning, I greedily began sucking on his fingers as he smirked at me.

“You taste good, don’t you? Let Daddy see,” He whispered, with a carnal gaze rendering me speechless as he pulled out abruptly.

 Whimpering at the loss of him, Jey threw my legs back, and greedily began sucking my clit between his lips as I squirmed beneath him. “Oh my God Jey!” I cried  gripping his hands on my legs as he controlled my body.

“Yea, It’s me, baby, It's been too long since I've tasted you," he moaned curling his two fingers against my g-spot.

“Yes, it has! Eat your pussy, baby,” I praised as he devoured me whole as I used as I began moving against his mouth with a purpose.

“Mmmhm, you taste so good, I been waitin’ on this,” he proclaimed curling his fingers even faster as he flattened his tongue lapping it against my clit his gaze never leaving mine.

“Oh, fuck! Yes, get nasty with that shit, lick it all up baby,” I purred as Jey growled, simultaneously moving his fingers and tongue together even faster in sync.

 My body whimpering in need, steadily climbing heights I didn’t even know existed until I had nowhere else to go.

“God, I love you!” I cried reaching my peak, spilling into his awaiting mouth as he drank my essence humming in satisfaction.

“Mmm, I love you too baby,” he moaned caressing my thigh as I fought to catch my breath.

“That was amazing ba- Shit!” I exclaimed as he entered me swiftly towering over me, his lips overpowering mine we tasted each other.

“Yes, it was but I ain’t done wit you yet,” Jey moaned thrusting long and deep inside me as felt my body begin to tingle all over again.

“I want you to cum when I tell you to. Do you hear me?” Jey grunted nibbling on one of my nipples while caressing the other before giving the other the same equal attention as I continued to melt into him.

I knew Jey felt I was close, as he began thrusting harder. "Jeyjeyjeyjey….…. Oh, baby!” I gasped almost chanting, pushing at his lower abdomen. Each thrust was more powerful than the last as he went deeper, rendering me unable to think.

“Move yo’ hand, why you tryin’ to run,” Jey groaned biting his lower lip never stopping his thrusts as I felt myself about to tip over the edge of ecstasy again.

“Stop runnin’ Mila, all this is just for you… Don't be scared, get your nut,” Jey moaned moving my hands as he went deeper.

“Mmm, fuck, I can take it. I can take it all ” I moaned as Jey leaned down, grasping my throat, taking me in a possessive kiss as he continued to take me deeper and deeper.

“I know you can take it all baby. You look so gorgeous takin’ it too,” he groaned against my lips as I writhed beneath him, both of us chasing climax.

“Mmm, right there. I'm bout to cum,” I moaned as he trembled against me as my pussy pulsed, engulfing him tighter.

“Shit! Me too, cum wit me beautiful,” Jey moaned as I fell apart in his arms “I’m cummin’!" I exclaimed as we went over the cliff together slowly falling back to earth as he collapsed in my arms, his head laying on my chest as I played with in his hair.

Totally spent and trying to catch my breath, I looked up at the clock on the radio, damn 12:30 a.m.

“Merry Christmas,” I whispered as Jey gently kissed me. “Merry Christmas baby,” he whispered, sighing against my lips as his phone rang and interrupted our moment.

“Damn it’s Jimmy,” Jey said reaching up front, getting his phone as I started putting my clothes back on.

“What’s up, Uce,” he said putting Jimmy on speaker phone, pulling up his sweats and putting his hoodie back on.

“Aye, where the hell ya’ll at?  We just got to our cabin and I didn’t see ya’ll's SUV next door. Ya’ll left before we did, is everything good Jimmy asked as Jey sighed.

“Yea, we good, Uce,” Jey said as he stared at me licking his lips as I blushed, not believing what we had just done.  

“I checked your location and you been in the same spot for awhile. Ya’ll didn’t break down, did you?” Jimmy asked as I shook my head.

“Nah, we bout to get back on the road, Uce, we just stopped for awhile the snow was getting to me,” Jey said as I raised a brow at him. “Damn liar,” I whispered as he smirked.

“Uh huh, more like seeing Mila again was getting’ to yo’ ass,” Jimmy snickered as I climbed back into my seat as Jey opened the liftgate and went back around to the driver’s side to get in.

“Bro, chill we on the way, and the snow ain’t too bad now so it shouldn’t take us long,” Jey said starting the SUV as I bundled back up under my blanket.

“A’ight well text me when ya’ll get here, maybe we can all do breakfast a little later on today,” Jimmy said as they exchanged their goodbyes.

“Well let’s gon’ knock this last hour out,” I said as Jey smiled at me.

Yea, let’s do that cause when we get to the cabin….Oouu you in for a long ass week. I doubt we gon’ be goin next door to have breakfast with Jimmy and Trin later on today.. Maybe tomorrow but definitely not today,” he said as I laughed.

“Well I’ll hold you to that,” I said as he kissed my hand. We had another hour to ride in this snow but one thing was for sure…

This Christmas was definitely shaping up to be one to remember.

Taglist:

@reci24 @southerngirl41 @vebner37 @jeyusos-girl

@melaninsugababy @romanreignkisser @bebesobrielo

@arination99 @2-muchsauce @bakugoumarianawrites

@empressdede @alyyaanna @christinabae @anonandwannakeepitthatway @venusesworld @jeyusosgirl  @theninthwonder @mya2real 

[pikachicachan]

Omggg, after seeing the news of the winter storm, I had to write this! This is as fluffy as snowww:

[At the Table]

Gov: Alright, let's do a weather update! California, how are you doing?

California: [cough] Horrible! The winds have picked up again and a fire started near San Diego like what the [censored] is happening?!

Gov: [winces] Well, that's not good... and the southern states, you guys got a historical amount of snowfall! Tell me about that —

Texas, Louisiana, Florida, Alabama: [dazed and smiling]

New York: [gestures to those states] What tha [speaks New York] is goin' awn with dem?

Gov: I... actually have no idea.

Georgia: [sips coffee] I've been gettin' snow for a while so I'm used to this, but they haven't had snow like this in ages so... [swings his mug to the southern states] they're frozen in awe, so to speak.

Louisiana: [chuckles] Mais, NOLA has neva looked more gorgeous! Last time it saw snow like dis was in 1963... da streets looks amazin' in tha snow! I don't even need a daiquiri with all dis joy in da air!

Texas: [hums] I can't remember the last time I felt ma people be so... happy. [smiles and sips on Mexican Hot Chocolate] It's nice seein' them havin' fun for a change. [mumbles to himself] Ma power grid is also holdin' up so that's a miracle in itself too...

Florida: This white stuff... is snow?? I'm actually seeing snow?? IN FLORIDA?? AND IT'S COLD?? CALI, SWITCH WITH ME. THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!

California: [cough] You'd rather have fires??

Florida: I'm literally surrounded by water like I'm pretty sure I can handle it.

California: [pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs] if only we could switch...

Texas: [grins] awe, chin up California! Ya know whut, I'm in a good charitable mood. HEB will be donatin' $1M to ya and we've sent about 6 truckloads of supplies to the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank! You'll be back up on yer feet in no time!

Gov, New York, Georgia, California: [stares at Texas]

California: More help from you? I [cough]... I don't know what to say.

Texas: [shrugs] You don't need to say nuthin'. Just accept it.

California: [cough] Right... thanks dude.

Florida: [shudders] I felt a chill go down my spine, but I don't think it was because of the weather... anyway if y'all wanna have a snowball fight at the beach, let's go! [snaps away]

Texas, Georgia, Louisiana, Alabama, California: [snaps away]

Gov: New York, are you going to go?

New York: Yeh. Ain't no way Florida is nawt gunna put rocks or sumthin' in his snowbawls.

Gov: Yep, yep, you have a point. I'm going to call CDC just in case.

New York: Hold off on dat. I wanna see wat he does an' who gets hurt. [grins] Ma monies on Alabama. [snaps away]

Gov: No stop — ugh! [snaps away]

Hehe, just a cute little thing that I wanted to write.

I'm not even sure how to write Gov anymore cuz he's not our good ol' Gov anymore... 😔

I feel like the bad parts of Texas are always emphasized, so I want y'all to know what good things Texas is doing too! We're more than our bad government, I swear! 😭😔

But also, I'm burning with envy that a huge chuck of Texas got snow BUT NOT WHERE I AM. It hurts seeing the news about it and not being able to play in the snow with everyone else 😭

Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed! ✨

[ari-cuno]

HAPPY (LATE-) BIRTHDAY AIM!!!

To celebrate I spedran a little drabble to celebrate the boys day^^

***

Fresh snow fell gently outside the foggy windows in the living room, obscuring the warm light of the fireplace. Axel tossed a piece of construction paper into the trash can next to him, sighing heavily as pixels buzzed around him. Several arts and crafts materials were thrown out onto the coffee table in the center of the couches, and he made sure not to spill the several containers with beads and charms for bracelets all over the floor, knowing his parents would give him an earful for it.

The little skeleton found himself at odds with himself, a pen taped to the side of his skull as the young boy attempted to start on a new piece of paper, taking out one of his mom's several pencils. Snow continued to trickle down outside, despite the questionable weather conditions the Omega timeline provided its residence. 

Winter was always one of his favorite times of the year. It was cold out and it made him sleepy ever since he was younger. It was still magical, of course, 5 years of growth didn't mean he wasn't a kid still. He liked the feeling of snowflakes landing on his face, and part of him wondered if maybe he should go outside, have some fun and think about this gift a little less. Axel frowned as he looked down at the drawing he'd worked so hard on, crayons and markers strung about as he'd forgotten to put them away before writing his card. 

He continued to stare as he folded the paper in half, getting ready to decorate the front with stickers, tapes, and glitter. Did he get the features right? The drawing contained two little figures in the center with big, happy grins. It conveyed happiness and love, the pair surrounded by little hearts and stars. The little skeleton could recognize himself well enough. He'd drawn himself in his old clothes he'd worn up until recently, the warm coat, the simple yet comfy pants, and a scarf resembling his father's. But he felt his face warm up staring at the other figure, little orange pupils staring back at him. 

He remembered they were orange, a sort of Mac and cheese color he found silly to point out, but the other skeleton had found his little joke funny, and something about that made him smile. Did he still wear overalls? Axel had worked hard drawing the set, finding it incredibly difficult and painstaking. No matter how much his mom taught him, he could never really get the hang of drawing certain things. Despite this, Axel was proud of his achievement. 

“...I wonder how you're doing.”

“How who's doing?” A little voice asked next to him. 

Axel made a sound of surprise, trying to jump up but catching his knee on the edge of the table, a small wince coming from the ten year old's mouth. “Ow!! Aelis! Don't do that!” He cried out, before her words registered in his head. “No one! I'm just- making…something.” He trailed off. 

His little sibling gave him a pleasant little stare, a mug held in her small hands. The small of chocolate and cinnamon filled his nostrils, and he let out a little huff of disappointment. Aelis was holding a cup of warm hot cocoa, little drops of marshmallows and a swirl of whip cream sprinkled with cinnamon made his mouth water. But no, no chocolate for him, he was stuck with warm milk, or some other non-chocolate based beverage. 

“...Writing?” Aelis asked with a curious glint, peeking over in an attempt to see, but noticing his drawing. “Mmm…who's dat?” She asked, pointing at the foreign orange skeleton. Axel immediately hid the drawing, his face a shade of soft, cool blue. “Go awayyyy! I thought you were supposed to be outside in the snow.” He pointed out. 

“Mhm. Was cold so Mommy got us hot cocoa. They said to come tell you so dey can give you something warm to dwink.” Aelis said, taking a sip of her chocolatey goodness.

Axel blinked in surprise. Was he that focused on his word he didn't even see his sister or hear her open the front door? The snow sounded so much fun to the little glitch, his gaze held longingly towards the outside, where his parents were out with his sisters. But no…he had to put his feelings into words correctly! 

It had been five long years since he'd seen the only skeleton he'd deemed a close friend, despite their short time together. Aim didn't make fun of him, or taunt him, or make him feel bad…he was nice, kind…and Axel had taken the time to make him a little bracelet. 

Looking back, that little thing was held together by string and glue. It surely must've broken by now. But, he'd improved his craft and his string magic. His dad had been kind enough to teach him how to tie knots and use his strings like thread, much like how he made dolls and plushies for him and his siblings. 

Axel looked towards a bracelet and a few other trinkets off to the side, tied together with blue threads and decorated with colorful charms and beads. Three letter beads were threaded together in the center of the bracelet next to two stars, the word simply reading: ‘Aim’. He felt all giddy just thinking about the orange skeleton seeing his creations and actually receiving them. Their time had been cut oh so short from each other, but Aim had no idea how much of an impact his presence made on him. 

His dad didn't understand it, and his mom found his ‘infatuation’ or whatever that meant cute. Axel felt inspiration growing within him as he opened the paper turned card, getting ready to write his new ideas in the blank space. 

“...Should I tell Mommy you don't want it?” Aelis chimed in as she watched her brother. 

“Uh? Oh, yeah, no, I'm good… I don't want anything.” He reassured his little sibling, despite how nice of an idea something warm and sweet sounded. The sound of his sister walking off before heading outside barely registered in his head as he went back to work. 

.

.

. 

. 

. 

Hi, Aim. 

If you're reading this letter, this means that my 

m̶e̶s̶s̶a̶g̶e̶  letter got to you! Do you remember me? I'm Axel, the boy whose name sounds like that silly frog looking thingy? My parents call me that all the time! What's the word spelled? Axolotl! Yep! That's me! It's been 5 years, right? You said your birthday was today, right? Well, I wanted to-

Axel paused as his focus was taken away from the card, hearing the sound of the front door opening this time. He expected to see his younger sibling, but the actual person wasn't who he was expecting. Ink exhaled a frosty breath, wearing a warm coat and their scarf tucked more closely to their body to preserve warmth. 

“You should be playing outside.” His mother said, multi-colored eye lights staring at him as they approached, light sprinkles of show sprinkled across their face. They were holding a cup that smelled sweet and creamy, topped with cinnamon. “Aelis told me you didn't want anything. But I figured I'd bring you something just in case.” The short skeleton said, walking over to them. 

“I'm not hungryyy…” Axel whined, his face warming up as he attempted to hide his work in the making, although his workspace was far too broad to hide well. 

“You haven't eaten since this morning, now drink this, it's eggnog, with no adult drinks, it's nice and warm.” Ink said softly, setting the warm cup down on the table. Axel made a sound of acknowledgement, knowing he couldn't really disobey his mom, besides, a sweet drink did seem really nice…

“If you don't wanna play with dad and your sisters, I'll keep you company here.” Ink said sweetly, offering him the mug. 

“...Thank you.” The little boy mumbled politely, taking the mug, temporarily letting his protective grip on his prized work go. Ink eyed the little mess of art supplies on the table curiously, eyelights shifting shape and changing color as they blinked. They took a second to observe the drawing Axel had placed neatly next to the little charms he'd worked too hard to make on his own. 

“Who's that?” His mom finally asked curiously sitting down on their knees next to him. Axel flinched, putting down his mug in a quick motion. “I- uhm…it's- gift- It's-its not done-” He stuttered out, partially hiding his face in the fabric of his scarf. Ink took a second to remember, looking lost in thought as they studied the features on the other skeleton doodle curiously. It clicked in their head finally. 

“Oh! Is that the little boy you met when you were four?” Ink asked, picking up a pencil from the stack of supplies enthusiastically. 

Axel felt like he'd been caught with a hand in the cookie jar. “...Maybe.” He fessed up, his face a darker tone of blue. “Wait…I was four? Ugghhh-” He mumbled, knowing he'd have to cross out and erased some words in his yet to be finished letter. 

“Hm…I thought you'd stopped thinking about that kid for a while now, why are you doing this now? It's been a long time.” His mom pointed out, “I'm not saying it's wrong, but you don't even know if he'd remember you.” Ink said, giving his head a little pat of reassurance. 

“It's his birthday today…”

Ink blinked in surprise. “You…remembered that?” They asked, looking a little stunned by his ability to retain that little fact. 

“I don't know, I remember telling him about birthdays and how awesome it was for me. He told me didn't really know other kids his age and so couldn't have a birthday party…so uhmm…” Their son hesitated, looking towards their letter. “...I just…thought even though I can't see him…I want him to know I still wanna be his friend.” Axel said, sounding shaky and a little uncertain. 

Ink's face softened more, “Ah, So what are you doing?” The painter asked, taking another look at the charms on the table. “You've been working with your strings I see.” They commented, picking up the named bracelet and staring at it thoughtfully. Axel gave his mom a hesitant look. 

“I gave him a bracelet when we first met, but it's probably lost or broken by now, so I'm making a new one.” He said with a bit more confidence. “I practiced more like Dad told me, and It's done. I added some stars and sparkles too, and a ring with a star on it!” He said, sounding more comfortable explaining the layout of his work. His mother seemed a little puzzled, tilting their head slightly as their eye lights blinked to a new color. Ink noticed a hot glue gun off to the side, frowning. “Next time you want to use that ask me or Error, that stuff hurts to get on you.” They warned, before pausing. “Wait, huh?”

“Ring!” Axel repeated. 

“Ring?” Ink asked. 

“Yeah, like, the ones you and Dad have? I wanna have matching ones with him too!” Axel declared. 

Ink looked down at the precious piece of jewelry on their finger, breathing out a little laugh. “Oh, Axolotl, I don't think you know the meaning of these rings at all, but do what you want.” They said, enjoying the innocent and puzzled look he flashed them. “Don't worry about it.” Ink said sheepishly, eye lights large with affection. 

“Hmph…” Axel sighed as he looked down at the card he'd been working on, stumped on the little message inside. His look of disappointment was noticed by Ink, who scooted closer to look over the words on the page. 

“Are you trying to write a thank you card?” Ink questioned, twirling the pencil they had picked up from the pile of art supplies. 

Axel nodded, “Yeah…well…it's more of a feelings card…? I guess??” He said quietly, groaning as the pencil he was using to write with broke. He wiped the bits of graphite off the colorful card with slumped shoulders. “Oh? Feelings? Like…a confession?~” Ink said smoothly, giving the little boy a teasing look. 

Axel gave his mom another puzzled look, “What are you looking at me like that for- wait-” He said, realizing what they meant. “EW. Not like that!! No! Nope! BLEH!” He huffed, sticking his tongues out in exaggerated disgust. 

“Haha, if you say so.” Ink said, giving him a comforting nuzzle. “Here, why don't I help you?” They offered warmly. 

“What?” Axel echoed in a puzzled tone. 

Ink replaced Axel's pencil with the one they had taken. “I can help you write, or if you're having trouble figuring out what to say I can help you.” They said, smiling down at him. “You won't get anywhere without some help.” Ink pointed out. 

“But what about playing outside with Oras and Aelis?” Axel asked with sudden 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋𝗇, “I mean- I don't need…that much help…I don't know…” He trailed off, bringing the card closer to him as he thought about the importance of his words so carefully. It would be so…so much easier in person, but… 

“Your dad can watch them, besides it gets lonely in here, and I can see none of the pets are keeping you company.” The small painter commented, looking around for Oras’ platypus or the family cat. “I guess…” Axel mumbled with unsure energy, blinking in surprise as the stress pixels around his body fizzled back to normal, or well, normal enough. 

Ink gave him a little boop on the nose, a little smile forming on the boy's face as he looked up at his mother. “See, you stressing like that makes you all glitchy. Seems to me like you do need help.” They said, a smug look on their face. 

“...Maybe a little bit?”

“Great, now, what is it we're writing here?” 

“Oh- well, I wanted to write him a thank you note and just…tell him how I've been and how I feel and it just…isn't coming out the way I like.” Axel sighed, sticking out his tongues in annoyance, “I know what I wanna say from my mouth but-”

“You can't put it into words, right?” Ink concluded, getting into a comfortable position as they moved closer to their precious son. 

“Yeah!” Axel huffed, “Mom, why can't I do it?” He asked innocently, eyes still filled with that same child-like curiosity and joy from all those years ago. “Well, what you put into words and what you speak can mean and sound different, do you want to copy everything you want to say onto the page?” They asked. 

“Well…it'll be too much.” Axel mumbled sheepishly. 

“Ah, well, why don't we leave the really, reaaally important things first? That way there will be room for extra things but you get your most important feelings out of the way first.” Ink said, helping the little skeleton erase some of the unwanted writing he'd started on. 

“Okay!” Axel agreed. 

Snow continued to fall outside, and Axel couldn't help but feel a little more at ease. “Okay then.” Ink said brightly, “Can you tell me the most important things you want to say? I'll write it down since my writing is neater, haha.” They said, tapping the end of the pencil against the wooden frame of the coffee table. Axel gained a deeper blue hue to his face, taking some of the leftover strings he'd been using, tugging and fidgeting with his magical threads. They snapped after a lot of tugging, but it helped calm his nerves. 

“Uhmm…okay…” Axel sucked in a deep breath, preparing himself to get the raw emotions out verbally. 

The minutes ticked by, and the soft crackling of fire mixed with their writing let a cozy mood form for the pair. Occasionally their cat came to offer a greeting, but Ink shoo'd the cat away, not wanting her to mess up the several bags of art supplies and ribbons that would be terrible to clean up from the carpet. 

Axel felt much more relaxed now, a small smile on his face as he discussed with Ink openly, his mom listening with silent contempt before turning to write down the snippets of speech on the paper in a neat hand-writing. He'd nearly finished the eggnog his mom gave him before the front door was opened once more, a few sprinkles of snow being able to sneak inside. The little boy could see his dad in the corner of his vision holding the door open as Oras ran inside, dragging Aelis along with her, who was covered in snow bits, her hood looking as if she'd been pelted by a snowball gun. 

“Okay, I think we got everything Axolotl.” Ink said, signing off the corner of the card, and taking the time to doodle a little drawing. 

“Yeah!” Axel said, smiling up at his mother appreciatingly. He turned his attention to the card, a proud look on his face. “Huh?” He noticed his mother doodling, “What's that?” He asked. 

It took Ink a second to respond, but the little being flashed a small smile, setting their pencil down once the doodle was done. Ink had drawned a neat little picture on whatever space was left on the page. There were 4 figures Axel recognized easily; himself in the center, his mother and father off to the side, and his sisters on his other side, all looking chibi and happy. Above the cute doodle was a small message surrounded by bells and ribbons. 

‘Happy holidays from us to you!’

“Do you like it?” Ink asked hopefully. 

“It's great!!” Axel cried out joyfully, giving his mom a big hug, causing them to flinch in surprise with his excitement. “Aw- I'm glad I could help.” They said affectionately, returning the little gesture. 

“Did he finish da weird card?” Aelis asked, sounding exhausted before letting out a little sneeze, shaking some of the show off her body. 

“Yeah- wait, why are you so covered in snow?” Ink asked. 

“Snowball fight.” Error explained, wiping some snow off his shoulders. “That I won!” Oras declared after him, jumping up proudly in the air. He closed the door behind them, letting the warmth of the house take over. Error helped Aelis get some left over ice bits off her head, the five year old letting out another little sneeze to clear her nostrils of any snow. 

“Why don't we eat something? Especially for you, before you catch a cold.” Ink said, looking towards Aelis. Error took his large coat off, hanging it up near the door as he helped Aelis take her gear off. Oras had already put her things by the door, instead focusing on her poor brothers little finished project that he was attempting to put in a little box. “Who's that for?” His older sister asked, gaining everyone else's attention. 

“No one-” He said quickly, hiding the little gift box behind him. 

“Oras, go wash your hands, me and your dad are gonna prepare something warm for you.” Ink said, the little skeleton huffing and running off to the nearest bathroom. “You too, Aelis.”

Aelis followed her sister, running past her brother with another curious look on her face. 

Error offered a brief glance, but didn't seem to question his sons little present, instead accompanying Ink to the kitchen across the living room, their soft talking kept mostly muffled to Axel, who was focusing on cleaning up the mess he'd made with all the stickers and glitter and other little decorations. He grabbed the trash can, throwing away his scraps and other unnecessary objects. Axel could hear his father walking over, standing over him with an intrigued glint in his eyes. “There must be something really special in that box.” He said, taking a second to help Axel put all the art supplies back into the boxes neatly and orderly. 

Axel gave the box a little shake, the card, bracelet, and ring inside moving about. “Mom helped me write my friend a super special card to go along with a present I made with my strings!” He said happily, finishing putting the last items, some sticker sheets, into the arts and crafts boxes. 

“Are you gonna give it to your friend today?” His dad asked, putting the boxes away on a nearby shelf. 

“Yeah-” Axel declared, before pausing. Wait… 

‘How… How am I supposed to get this to him? The whole point is that I can't see him, but I want to give this to him anyway. Why didn't I think about this before? Oh no…’ Axel thought, his face visibly darkening. Error noticed, the tall skeleton frowning. “What's wrong?” He asked. 

“...Nothing…I just…uhm-” Axel hesitated, before an idea blinked in his head. He looked away, fidgeting nervously. “I'll tell you during food time!” He said, trying to wipe the sadness and anxiety off his face.

“Uhmmm, sure, kiddo.” Error said hesitantly, figuring he could trust his son enough and not press on the matter until he was ready. 

The smell of warm soup and some sandwiches made Axel's soul flutter, his mouth watering at the thought of having a nice, warm meal after all that work. He noticed his sisters returning from their trip to wash their hands, looking to be talking. Axel would've paid attention, but he was too busy staring down at the gift in his hands. If he had skin his palms would be sweaty. 

It felt like several hours went by with Axel blanking out, his whole consciousness entirely focused on the perfect little present in his hands. The boy knew his idea had a low chance of success, but..if his mom and dad were willing to hear him out, maybe… 

“Axel?”

Maybe he could get them to-

“Axel!”

“Ah-” He yelped, snapping out of the little daze he'd put himself in. Axel hadn't even noticed Oras had walked over to him until he heard her call his name more than once to finally get his attention. “Y-Yeah?” He said to his younger sister, sounding distracted and a little uneasy. Oras gave him a little huff of exasperation. “I told you that the food is ready! Come onnnnn! You've been staring off randomly for the last…” She paused to count, “-Ten minutes!!” She finished in a lecturing tone. 

“I was thinking!” Axel huffed, his sister dragging him by the scarf over to the kitchen where the rest of the family was already seated and served whatever food they wanted. “Okay, okay! I'm going! Stop pulling on my scarf!” He huffed, holding onto his gift for dear life as he was pulled against his will. 

She finally let him go once they reached the table, the oldest plopping down next to her younger sister and digging into the warm chicken noodle soup served for her in a colorful bowl. Axel took a seat closer to his parents, looking down at the warm food on his plate. He would've eaten, but he knew he had to be brave and force out his question already. A few minutes went by of quiet eating and talking, mainly between the other's as Axel poked at his food, trying to distract himself and come up with the best way to ask, mainly his mom, his question and request. 

“Axel?”

“Hm?” Axel said as his name was spoken, looking towards the one who called him; his dad. Error had a concerned frown on his look, mirroring Ink's own look of faint worry. “Are you gonna eat?” His father asked, gaining everyone else's attention. 

Axel fumbled around with his scarf, looking away. “Yeah! Uhm… I just…wanted to ask…” He hesitated, before slowly bringing the little present out, setting it on the table. “I can't give this to the friend I have on my own…s-so I was wondering if you and mom could do it for me.” He asked shyly, fidgeting with his fingers. 

“The orange boy we haven't seen in forever?” His older sister asked curiously. Error's frown deepened, “You're still thinking about that kid? I thought you'd move on from him.” The tall glitch said in exasperation, before sighing as he watched the look of pure sadness on Axel's face. “Listen, there's reasons why you can't visit him right now, he's somewhere far, faaaar away, and me and your mom aren't supposed to-”

“I promise we'll get it to him.” Ink said brightly. 

“WH- honey please.” Error huffed, glitching with slight irritation, before his gaze softened at the pleading look on his son's face. Ink turned to look at him, eyes soft and optimistic. “Aww, come on Error, look at how much this means to him…” Ink pleaded, bumping against his shoulder in an affectionate manner. 

“You know better than anyone the last time you interacted with that anomalies parents-” Error lectured, pausing as Ink and Axel gave him pleading faces, mainly Axel. 

“Pleeaaaase?” 

Error’s faces gained a tiny tint of blue. “Ugh, fine.” He grumbled. 

“Yay!”

“Don't worry, I won't interact with them for more than ten minutes.” Ink said, taking the present from their son as he gave them a look of joy and appreciation, sighing in relief as he continued to eat. 

“Oh you won't because I'm going with you, I'm not letting you get attacked again.” He mumbled quietly enough so that the other kids couldn't hear. Ink cringed, a nervous laugh coming from the smaller skeleton. “But we haven't seen him in years!” Oras cried out, swallowing a piece of the sandwich she was eating. “Why are you even doing this now?” She asked. 

“Becoming 10- or 9 or whatever is big deal!” Axel huffed, before looking away, “It's his birthday…and I never was able to make anything that would actually reach him. I used to make little gifts that would lay around in my room or a floaty lamp I hoped would reach him but they never did…and ever since mom and dad said I should stop I just kind of forgot after all this time…” The glitchy skeleton said softly, feeling his mom give him a little head pat. “...I just want it to reach him in time.”

“We'll get it to him, me and your dad promise, right?” Ink asked, glancing up at Error. 

“Don't get his hopes up…” Error mumbled before sighing, “We'll try, but let us eat first.” His dad said, a small smile on his face as he stared back at Ink. 

“WHAAAT?” Axel cried out, his voice glitching. 

Ink blinked in shock, “Eh- well you can't expect us to drop everything and go now- you gotta be patient.” They said teasingly. 

Axel let out a groan, sitting back in his chair as Oras gave him a head pat. “Cheer up, Axolotl!” She said in a bubbly tone. 

“Ouuughhh…” Axel mumbled, sitting back in his chair in defeat. 

“Don't worry kiddo, we'll get it to him before the day ends.” Ink offered gently, a determined look on their face. 

“If we can find him.” Error sighed, his arm wrapped around Ink's shoulders, earning an elbowing from his smaller spouse. 

***

Aim moved through the pages in his book with incredible speed, his immersion and focus on the story being at its height as he neared the climax. The little boy sat on his bed, legs swaying back and forth as he turned another page. His Unclemare had given him a new load of books to read on his special day, and although Aim missed the way his uncle would sit with him and read the words out loud, this was fine all the same. 

The taste of chocolate still lingered in his mouth from the slice of cake he'd cut on his own a few hours earlier. He'd heard from his parents about how birthdays were a time where those closest to you could come by and have a party and eat sweets to celebrate another year of your time alive. He…didn't exactly have many friends, but that didn't affect him as badly. 

He had his fathers, his uncle, and when Nightmare had left, Killer, his other favorite ‘uncle’ to interact with had dropped by to give him presents and congratulate him. Reading books and playing and having fun wasn't so bad on his own, no matter how strange it felt seeing other kids playing with others on the rare times his dad's took him around other kids. 

Aim had a whole stack of books left to read, all a wide variety of subjects. Some sci-fi, fantasy, historical fantasy, and even a little classic fairytale to spice things up a little. He hummed a little tune, quickly turning into a little whistle. He was happy his dad hadn't presented the idea of training him like last year. The thought of it made his focus cut away from the words on the page he was on. 

No, he shouldn't think about that, especially when it was his big day. His parents were happy too, and that was good…so he needed to lighten up. 

Aim blinked and shook his head, sighing in disappointment as he lost the spot he'd been reading, having to start all the way back up at the beginning of the page. The clock ticked quietly in his room as he finished the chapter he'd been reading, that excited investment finally back on his face. 

There was the soft sound of some sort of glass shaking and moving next to his bed, starting off quiet and barely audible. 

Aim turned his orange eye-lights to the sound after it got too loud to ignore. A glass container full of paint he kept for art purposes was shaken from the corner it was sitting in, one of the paint bottles inside rattling around quite unnaturally. The little boy stared in bewilderment and confusion, closing his book and sitting up. He grabbed the trembling glassware carefully, taking the lid off to get a better look at the paint bottle looking as if it was having a seizure. 

“What…?” 

Aim attempted to grab it, flinching as it magically jumped out of the container, landing on the floor with a hard smack. He fumbled, putting the glass container with all the other paints down, staring upon the still trembling and moving bottle. Did they have ghosts? Was there a ghost trapped in the bottle? He rubbed his eye a little, wondering if he was just seeing things. 

…Nope, still moving-

BURST. 

The paint bottle suddenly exploded, the green paint inside bursting out and somehow growing in size from the volume that was in the bottle initially. Aim let out a shocked cry as he watched the paint fall to the floor, coating a good portion of the floor an emerald green color. “Waaaaa! Oh no! The mess-” Aim cried out, rushing to go get a towel, before scurrying to a halt as the green paint began to…move? 

The paint made soft ripples on the ground, little bubbles coming from its surface as it looked like something was…forming? 

“Uhm…” Aim opened his mouth, but his confusion turned into shock once more as the paint suddenly shot up into two silhouettes, morphing with strange liquidly sounds until the paint melted off the strangers’ bodies. 

“Oh good! Finally!” One of the…skeletons called with a light, high voice. The skeleton looked all too familiar, strange, multi-colored eyes and a signature splotch on the right cheek. Aim stared in shock, but noticed an even larger skeleton looming over them. He looked annoyed and disgusted with the paint on his body, strange blue streaks running down his face. Aim almost thought he was eternally crying. 

“Ink hurry up-”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” Aim screamed in fear, stepping back as there were two random adult skeletons in his room, one he knew all too well. 

“Woah! Hi! Since been such a long time-”

“Leave me aloneeeee! I don't wanna be your friend you're mean!!!” Aim cried out, earning a confused look from the two skeletons before him. “Woah woah! Calm down! I'm not your Ink- or well, the one you know! I'm the cool one! Calm down-”

“Why are you in my room?!” Aim said, his nerves not calming down, trying to process what the slightly kinder looking Ink was saying. Hmmm…this didn't really look like the Ink he knew from his childhood, the one that had abducted him. That skeleton was scary, always having some weird unsettling feeling behind him whenever he spoke, as if his words or intentions weren't always clear in the end. Aim found that out very quickly, remembering the sting in his soul when his father grabbed him… 

But this Ink… there was no maliciousness behind those eyes, in fact, their presence was strangely comforting, a sense of warmth surrounded them, and despite the obvious lack of natural feelings behind their eyes and very being, this felt more…genuine.

…Wait, when was the last time he met another version like this-

“Yeahhhh- haha sorry don't mind him.” Ink said, pointing at the scary and big skeleton standing behind them like a guard. “He's just here to make sure I don't get hurt again!” They said sheepishly. Aim had his hand on the door to his room, having been ready to sprint down the stairs and to his parents for help and safety. He halted, turning to look at them oh so slowly. 

“...Again? W-What are you-”

“ANYWAY. Listen we don't really have enough time, so here-” Ink pulled out a little box from behind them. A little bow was on the top, carefully keeping the present closed. “We hope we're not too late, it is still your birthday, right-”

“AIM! Are you alright?!” A muffled voice came from downstairs, quickly rising as footsteps were heard approaching. 

The man behind Ink tensed, “Ink let's go.” He said sternly, tugging on their scarf. 

“Oh boy- okay listen- this is from someone who really wanted to give this to you! Please open it!” Ink said, handing the present to the little boy, although it was more of a toss. Aim barely managed to catch it, looking down at the little tag taped to the side of the box. For Aim only. 

“Happy birthday and Merry Christmas! I hope you-”

“Ink!”

“I'm going!”

“Who is this- wait!” Aim cried out, hearing the sound of a portal of some sorts being opened. He turned around, watching as the taller skeleton jumped through the other side with them, leaving the paint mess on the floor. He tried to reach out, but the scary looking glitches made him hesitate. No, he needed to know who they were! Why did he feel a strange sense of deja vu he couldn't put his finger on. 

“You can't just leave this here!” He shouted. , watching the portal close up, leaving the space around it back to how it was initially. Aim was left alone in silence, his emotions running wild. Confusion, fear, but part of him found things a little humorous, especially as the paint on the floor was left there. He was looking down at the gift with wonder, eye lights sparkling faintly the more his mind processed the information. 

…Someone had given him a gift? Someone he couldn't remember or didn't know? Guilt filled his chest, maybe it was his uncle playing a prank, or his parents… ? 

Aim yelped as his door was busted open, his parents looking tense and ready for battle. 

All they saw was Aim holding a little present, and a puddle of green paint on the floor, soaking into the carpet the more seconds went by. 

***

Aim looked down at the brand new, pretty bracelet in the box, the little ring tucked nice and close to it, a few decorative pieces of paper being stuffed inside to cushion everything. He held the little bracelet in his hand, eye lights large and full of silent, raw joy. On his nightstand were the remnants of an old bracelet, worn down through time but unforgotten. 

He noticed a handmade card at the bottom of the box and carefully grabbed it, setting the box aside. It was cute and well made, little stickers and decorations littered the back and the front, everything from snowflakes to little peppermint stickers was sprinkled around. Glitter lines the border, and Aim couldn't help but let the excitement grow as he opened the card. 

He saw a little drawing of a skeleton family in a big corner, before his eyes turned to the words written in neat handwriting. Aim's eyes widened. 

Dear Aim, 

My name is Axel! My mom is writing this for me because my grammar and handwriting isn't the best, so don't think it's mine! But I wanted to get you this because, well, it's your birthday, right? You may not remember me, but if you do, I want you to know that I enjoyed our short time together, and you made me feel, well, not weird. I tried giving you gifts before, but my mom says it isn't easy to get things for you, but If you're reading this that means they made it! I gave you a bracelet when I first met you, do you remember that? You were afraid of my mom but we took you back home and I made you a bracelet to make you feel better while they tried to find your home! Well, five year old me had terrible skills, so I wanted to remake it as a way to show I still remember you and want to meet you again, even if it's been forever. Sorry none of my other gifts from previous years made it to you, I promise I'll try to get more for you next year if you can respond somehow. 

I asked my mom if we could invite you for Christmas next year, but your parents have to say yes, so PRETTY PLEASE ask them! Please don't forget about me :[ I miss you a lot. Can we be friends again, even if we might have changed? 

From, 

Axel 

P.S. I luv you and Merry Christmas!!! Please visit next year! 

__________________________________________

Aim belongs to @zu-is-here

Oras, Axel, and Aelis belong to me

Thank you Zu for creating such an adorable little man^^