#genuinely. I think I’m really fucked
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Fuck adhd. Sincerely, someone trying and failing to do her college courses
#I don’t care about the three (THREE) classes I have#I don’t know why I’m taking two programming classes#why do I need an audio class#the format is confusing#the one teacher who’s class format I understand is uncompromising on deadlines#I’m a dumbass#I don’t know how to code#opening canvas makes my head fog#thinking about school makes my stomach twist and turn#I’m fucking dying here Squirtle#unmedicated adhd#I don’t think I can do it gang#genuinely. I think I’m really fucked
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i know i watched mha specifically bc it looked like something homoerotic was happening but like oh my god??? something homoerotic is happening??? like how is this chapter real i’m
#bakudeku#bkdk#genuinely is it possible to enjoy mha right now without shipping bakudeku like what is that like what’s happening#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#mha leaks#like what’s it like in not bakudeku land how are they taking this are they seeing the vision#how can you NOT see the vision#hori is like literally skimming over everything and then zooming in on the vision#hori how bakudeku pilled are you for real hori look at me hori turn on your location#hori I’m too old to get queerbaited by a shonen is this real is this real life#hori look at me when I’m talking to you I need answers#I’m going…. to wait for Caleb’s translations#and then think#bc ruk really fucked us all over#but like oh my god are we being so for real right now#lik ruk couldnt fuck with their faces and their expressions are saying so much
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just saw luther and diego getting shipped again and im once again begging the public to consider therapy
to quote a friend: what a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain
#i’m so fucking serious#what is wrong with you#genuinely#don’t mean to be rude!!!! but also what is wrong with you#‘‘they’re not biological!!!’’ IT DOES NOT MATTER#THEYVE CALLED THE SAME PEOPLE MOM AND DAD AND BROTHER AND SISTER SINCE BIRTH#THAT IS A PROBLEM#i really don’t want to be rude but i genuinely don’t understand the inner mechanisms of some peoples brains bro#what about luther and diego’s BROTHERLY RELATIONSHIP makes you think ‘‘damnnn… what if they kissed though’’#smh i did not need another reason to be disappointed in humanity#HARCEST HATER !!!!!!!#laur says stuff#laur rambles#the umbrella academy#tua#umbrella academy#five hargreeves#hargreeves siblings#tua s4#number five#tua season 4#tua five#tua diego#tua luther#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves
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Thinking about the KaeyaJeanDiluc friendship where they grew up together and they were CLOSE & sure maybe Jean felt like Diluc & Kaeya were closer since they were brothers & sure maybe Kaeya felt like he had to keep secrets from the two of them bc they would never understand but they were like. A trio! A team!
& then Diluc’s 18th birthday comes around and everything goes to shit and Diluc LEAVES so they’re no longer KaeyaJeanDiluc but just Kaeya & Jean & in some ways Kaeya and Jean get closer because of it but there’s also a pronounced DISTANCE where Jean doesn’t know how to reach Kaeya anymore & Kaeya is even more determined not to tell Jean anything & they both lose themselves in their duties to Mondstadt while also missing Diluc and ALSO, despite everything, offering each other unconditional support
& then Diluc comes BACK & in addition to Kaeya & Jean there’s the shaky reestablishment of Jean & Diluc and Diluc & Kaeya but it’s not THE SAME. they’re no longer KaeyaJeanDiluc; Jean & Kaeya are knights and Diluc will never be a knight again & they all changed while Diluc was away & none of them know how to talk to each other anymore AND YET there’s still an undercurrent of trust!! Not fully, especially between Kaeya & Diluc, but Diluc still calls on Jean during the archon quest, trusting that she will keep their secrets even though as the acting grandmaster she should probably not. Jean says in her about Diluc voiceline that she understands why Diluc hates the knights & is working hard to make them an organization he can trust again. Kaeya covers for Diluc’s darknight hero escapades & fondly reminisces about their childhood in front of him. Diluc invited Kaeya to dinner at the winery & (afaik) never told anyone about Kaeya’s origins. Kaeya tells the traveler that they need to give Jean their full support and planned a birthday party for her. Jean left Kaeya in charge of Mondstadt when she went to the golden apple archipelago! On some level they recognize that their goals still align!! There’s still trust and love there but there’s also this gap between them that none of them know how to cross and I just!!!
#kaeya#kaeya alberich#diluc#diluc ragnvindr#jean#jean gunnhildr#genshin impact#YOU CAN TRY TO REASSEMBLE THE PIECES BUT THEY WILL NEVER FIT THE SAME WAY. AND MAYBE THEY SHOULDNT.#I DONT KNOW IF THIS MAKES SENSE AT ALL I’M JUST GOING INSANE THINKING ABOUT THEM#GRIPPING THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE. HEY DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT KAEYA JEAN AND DILUC BC I SURE DO.#also not blaming diluc for the leaving btw I feel like it was necessary for him#it’s just emphasized bc of how it contributed to the change in their dynamic#I can’t always put it into words right but I have a lot of thoughts about these three.#my brain is going GSVDKDBCJHDEJDHSBDVDHWBDNHSJSBSJDGSHSBSHSB rn#also also in the ‘duties to Mond’ bit I’m also not downplaying kaeyas indecision abt choosing mondstadt/Khaenri’ah#I don’t think he’s chosen & I think he has genuine love for but also feels indebted to both places#I fully reject the ‘oh kaeyas chosen Mond fuck Khaenri’ah’ takes i hate them it’s so much more complicated than that!!#he can care about both places!!!#anyways just wanted to clear that up since I didn’t really elaborate & don’t want it to be taken like that
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BOKUTO IS SO SCARRYYYY WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK
yes, you want him, but he wants you more and he’s convinced himself that you already belong to him. the way he gets jealous when you’re not even dating him yet…. the glint he gets in his eye when his certainty of your infatuation with him is in doubt. CHILLS.
#RUN!!!#oh fuck i’m… i FEEL SOMETHING#he just really is so convinced that you belong to him#he’s deeply possessive#in a way that actually is a little scary or would be if he didn’t genuinely care about you so much#HES SO SCARY ABOUT IT IM SORRY#the expression he wears when you give him reason to believe you’re entertaining other options#HE HASNT EVEN ASKED YOU OUT YET#STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!#tw.jealousy#tw.possessiveness#does this need a yandere tw? i’m gonna tag it that way JUST in case but i don’t think it goes that far#tw.yandere#ish
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I don’t know if maybe it’s just me, but is anyone else seeing a rise of people claiming that they could do a better rewrite of Voltron and then immediately say they’d make K/L cannon or Adash/ canon?
I don’t know about anyone else but I genuinely don’t think making ships canon would make the show better.
In fact I think It’d make it worse.
And considering shiro isn’t even mentioned in these and if he is it’s just to be Keith dad…. Is telling.
#listen do what you want but I’m really tired of people genuinely thinking they can do better and then forget the main story of Voltron#I’m being so dead serious#Voltron was never supposed to be about ships or which ones would be canon#it’s about 5 teens/young adult forced into space to be the ‘hero’ against a empire that’s been around for more than their entire life times#and the fact this shit keeps populating the shiro tag is what pisses me off more#I feel like I’m the only one in this fandom that enjoys ships for what they are: FUN#I have tons of ships!!! I don’t want any of them to be cannon!!! even if I love them so much!!!! why? because ships don’t need to be canon!!#you can just simply enjoy having your headcanons and making art/writing and have it be fun!!!!#nothing has to be canon#I don’t know why especially this fandom is so obsessed with it but it’s driving me CRAZY#and what makes it worse is that every time they talk about making K/L cannon is that ‘it deserves to be’#NO IT DOESNT#IT REALLY DOESNT#VOLTRON HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ROMATIC RELATİONSHİPS#UNPOPULAR OPINION BUT IT REALLY DOESNT#you want to do a re-write do it! but dont do it just because you want to make a ship CANON#because that’s not re-writing it’s just fan fiction#you are just writing a fanfic#I want to re-write Voltron too but I actually want the show to improve and be BETTER AND LOVE ITS CHARACTERS#I WANT THEM TO BE BUIKT UO THE WAY THEY SHOUKDVE BEEN#ships don’t belong in canon#sure is it maybe nice when it happens cool but let it happen without dismissing the other characters#not because fans wanted it#also stop fucking populating the shiro tag lest I come at you with a lead pipe#Voltron#voltron legendary defender#vld
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I’m genuinely so fucking sick of the “you all would have loved it if it was Eddie who made that comment” take.
First of all, Eddie wouldn’t have made comment then, bc he knows how hard it is for Buck to talk about his emotions, & is REALLY good at giving him the space to talk about them, even if he does make jokes, they’re not out of pocket (the coming out scene, anyone? Breaking the tension with a joke & still being supportive without making a joke of his feelings.)
Secondly, even if Eddie DID make that comment, I’d probably still roll my eyes, but I’d be more willing to accept it. Do you wanna know why???
Who was the person that knew the details of what Buck was talking to his therapist about during their emergency session before the Buckley’s visit? Who is the first one they show at Buck’s side when he gets stuck in the warehouse trying to pull Saleh out after learning about Daniel?? Who is the one who was pacing downstairs in the station & making sure Buck was okay after the warehouse, and the one who warned him about his visitors??
Who was the one praying at Bobby’s bedside, right next to Buck in the hospital?
(I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the dude that’s had 10 minutes of fucking screen time that everyone forgot about post s1.)
It wouldn’t have been the same bc TOMMY AND EDDIE ARE NOT THE SAME. They are not on the same level of knowing Buck & understanding when to make jokes & what jokes to make. Your best friend, partner & co-parent of 6 years and the man that you haven’t even called your boyfriend yet are not on the same level of familiarity.
I get that you’re pissed that Tommy is being compared to Buck’s previous love interests (which would be the case, even if he wasn’t just as shitty & uninterested in Buck as a person as they all were) but if you genuinely think that he’s anywhere near Eddie’s level, EVEN PLATONICALLY, then I fear that you have been watching another show entirely, & I encourage you to watch more than just s7, bc that’s the only explanation I can come up with for why this fuck ass take exists.
#911 abc#buddie#this isn’t really about the buddie relationship but I think it’s still relevant#I’m so tempted to tag BT bc I think the ones saying this have lost the entire plot of the fucking show#but I’ve also only had like 8 hours of sleep in 2 days#& have almost had 3 panic attacks since Wednesday so I know I’d probably regret it#911 discourse#hating on a storyline/joke/character ≠ hating on a bunch of fans bc they don’t enjoy the same things that you do#eddie diaz#evan buckley#ryan guzman#oliver stark#this could have been a sweet moment to show Tommy taking care of Buck#but instead he made yet ANOTHER shitty & ill timed joke#Eddie has been right beside Buck through his entire journey with his parents#that gives him the right to joke about it#a man who Buck’s been on 3-4 dates with & hasn’t put any effort into their relationship since he planned the date#that he subsequently walked out in the middle of#does not have the same right#this is genuinely not a difficult concept??#like. think about your bff & then think about a new love interest. would you really be comfortable with those 2 people making the same joke#or would you laugh at your best friend’s & be a little off-put by your new potential love intrest???#anti T*van#I heard that tagging something as anti still shows up on that tag & Im just too tired to fucking fight
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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it’s 3:37 AM where I’m at and I’m bawling my eyes out over an Arno fanfic. A month and a half ago I thought this man was mid. THIS IS TRULY HUMILIATING 😭
#assassin’s creed#arno dorian#arno victor dorian#ac unity#babblingbrook babbles#StuntzTheDude and thenyxfray. when I catch you fuckers. it’s OVER.#hi so it’s actually cruel and unusual punishment to say Arno held Elise’s dead body for four days before being coaxed to let her go#that’s actually really fucking mean#the Arno and Léon relationship was incredible#the devastation. The longing. the inability to cope.#I have not bawled over a fanfiction like this in I think years GOD#it’s called ‘To Move Forward’ it’s on AO3#very triggering tho read the tags#I’m so upset but it was genuinely one of the best fanfics I’ve ever read#the writing was so beautiful and eloquent#gang I gotta let yall know I fuck with it
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welp… guess I’m not coming out for the next four years either :)
#personal#us elections#may I just say as a queer woman and poc but most importantly someone who missed the age cutoff to be able to vote#I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever felt more helpless than in this moment#like I’m at the age right now where I’m planning for things like moving out of my family home#That means in the next four years it’s very feasible for me to get r*ped and need my reproductive rights#It’s very feasible for me to find another woman who I want to spend my life with for which I need my right to equal marriage#And it’s very feasible for me to want to walk down the street without getting fucking shot for which I need my right to fucking live??#And just sitting through the past 9 or so hours watching my country put a man in office#Who would look at me and probably not even consider me a full human?#Or think I deserve all those rights?#A man who I don’t think is going to protect those rights?#I’m the kind of person who will never stop having faith in this country no matter what state of shittholery it’s in#Because if you look at our history we’ve had way bigger assholes than this guy and come out surviving#But I’m scared yall#I’m genuinely really scared
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obviously the way they handled ricky’s disability in like every single version was so bad but i can’t stop thinking about the live performance that i saw where they straight up did not say a SINGLE THING ABOUT IT at least in other versions it’s acknowledged (kind of as a punchline but at least acknowledged) in the csulb show i saw mischa just takes his crutches away during uranium suite and ricky starts singing and dancing along…they literally acknowledged it 0% the people who hadn’t ever seen it before were probably so confused why this man had crutches for approximately 30 seconds then another character just grabs them and puts them backstage for them to never be mentioned ever again. like what. insanity.
#ride the cyclone#rtc musical#ricky potts#they really fucked that one up#it was really sad cause it was a really good production too#their noel was SO GOOD#i think about his performance every day i would pay $500 to see just him perform noel’s lament again cause genuinely it was so beautiful#their constance too😳😳😳#i think i’m in love with her she was so pretty ohmygod#and she played constance so well i loved it#but they FUCKED UP ricky’s character#like how do you fuck it up more than it’s already fucked up
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this isnt rlly a serious post more so than a thought I need to verbalize but like. there’s an INSANE difference between the fandom being like “hey what if jack was actually his age and got to be a little normal” vs y’all treating a grown ass man like he has to cover his ears when someone swears or sleep with a nightlight on because he’s afraid of the dark, and throwing the P word around to anyone who thinks he’s attractive. one of these things is not like the other.
#there’s a layer here about giving jack the childhood he specifically chose not to have#and ignoring his other choices because that’s just. idk a running theme with any character who struggles to have autonomy#but whatever idk#genuinely i think the past year or so that I’ve spent talking about this has burnt me out#either that or I’m just too fixated on VB to really care too much#like obviously I still care about it and wish more was done to help but it’s not really a warpath for me to walk currently#just.#I’m just tired dawg#it’s like talking to a deaf brick wall#please just do some research into infantilization I cannot keep having a one sided conversation with people who don’t care#spn#jack kline#baby jack#spn fandom#fandom critical#fandom ableism#tfw2.0#not even just ableism it’s the whole mischaracterization woobified bullshit all over again#and the using baby jack as a prop for everyone else but I digress#jack: *chose not to be a child and hates being seen as one and is more than willing to get violent if he thinks he has to*#y’all for some fucking reason: he’s just a widdle baby he can’t handle the scary movie he needs his daddies to take care of him#I’ve already said all these things before#i am tired. so tired
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/////
#i don’t quite know how to put the feeling into words but there is something so bizarro surreal (and incredible) about the kind of reach#swarla have rn in that …. sure i think the majority of the people following this ship are queer brits but it goes so so so so far above that#people who had no idea what a british soap was before they encountered this ship are now die hard fans and it’s#i mean it’s amazing it’s so fucking cool to see#but it’s so FUNNY it’s so WEIRD#that’s coronation street from my living room#that’s coronation street that i grew up with#and even in the heights of liarla the fans i interacted with were all british (a good … 16? 17? years ago)#but that it’s CORRIE too like ….. the way i jump and cheer when i hear a northern accent in any kind of international media#and now the international girlies have come to the northern media 🥹🥹#i’m absolutely biased being from manchester but it’s just. always been corrie#like it’s so funny to describe something that’s been present in your life since you were born ?? that’s my mum’s corrie#thats my nan’s corrie!#that’s mine and the girlies’ corrie !!!#i don’t know this is silly but it really genuinely is so ….. so surreal. so weird. so FUNNY to see#anyway. aesthetic wlw accounts posting coronation street gifs is a TRIP#i love it so much
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so
#last night was really so so so fun and it was super hard to get myself to go out? like#in the sense of I really wanted to because I knew it would be fun but I also knew my anxiety was eating me alive#and it would be an obstacle getting through that without alcohol and I need to be … careful#but I got fun drunk and didn’t have too bad of a hangover and didn’t feel super anxious once we got out :#and a different friend wants to make plans for tonight but I am really bad at making plans in advance because sometimes I physically can’t#do things after work bc tired bc neuro disorder and it’s frustrating to my friend with severe control issues#bc she needs to make specific plans like a week out and I’m like erm babe I can’t like#do that? and then if I don’t feel well day of and need to be home she gets (rightfully) frustrated because I’m bailing but it’s#challenging. and you don’t understand unless you live with it.#and it’s frustrating for us both. I don’t want her to think I don’t value her because I do and I force myself out often enough bc I#genuinely feel bad. but it’s so fucking hard sometimes . she also lives sort of far so going from work and having#to drive an hour to her place to then go somewhere and be out like#I’m spent before I even get there#friend I saw last night and I don’t talk consistently but when we do it’s always the same vibe and so fun and we just catch up about life#I feel like when I see my other friends they have things to always talk about because they’re in a discord call almost every night#I don’t have the energy!!!!!!!!!! like I’m so sorry that’s so much for me#idk she isn’t answering me now but if she wants to do something I need to know in the next hr bc if not I’m literally going to bed#I love her but there’s a disconnect between us rn and I don’t know how to mend that gap#but I do love her friendship so I’m just like. sigh#idk it would be different if she was closer and I know that#I hope getting back on medication helps get me being more social again. I’m just so tired this week that speaking is hard lol
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No bc fuck tim but it really really bothers me how people ignore his growth like he used to be an asshole and I’ll give tim Stans one thing: now he’s so so so stale but what I disagree with is that this staleness is bc nobody likes him like it’s in fact the exact opposite where everyone likes him so much they dont want to do anything. Even when it’s him surface level challenging Bruce it’s when everyone else is doing it too; but he’s still the backbone of the fam! Etc. and it’s so irritating bc him gaining more compassion and empathy even for people he doesn’t fw is so fun to watch and that’s why the captain boomerang thing was so out of character! (Not in a from the author way but in a tim wouldn’t do that and he and Bruce both knew it which is why it went down like it did. Same way dick killing joker was ooc; not in fanon sense but in a he would hate himself forever for this sense) and speaking of that it’s such an interesting mirror to Bruce who genuinely believes that everyone can grow vs Tim’s it doesn’t matter if they grow it’s not my decision to make like it’s the same but it’s not AND WITH CASS’ IT DOESNT MATTER IF THEY CHOOSE NOT TO GROW I WONT DO IT! like ugh. And anyways even when people acknowledge it they boil it down to “Janet and Jack taught him that the capitalist pigs that they are” like no. This is who tim was. Tim was the kind of guy who’d blame a dead kid for dying. That’s ok. Also Janet and Jack? Please reread anything involving them that’s not a fic like Jack had anger issues and they were both aloof at worst like relax.
#the Jack and Janet thing is both an understatement and an exaggeration but I don’t think anyone reads enough to care#some tim stan might get all pissy and be like ‘no look this is everytime jack yelled at him and boarding schools are abusive’ to which#and its like narratively that means nothing bc the tim you made up to justify the Drake parents you made up by blowing shit out of#proportion is also made up and if all of that was abusive there’d be smth to show for it besides ur homophobic Jack#too girlboss to care but still terrible Janet bc god forbid a woman have a personality from ur fics#anyways that’s also the reason I’m ignoring the council of spiders#well two reasons#first is that was just a moment to make tim look cool and did absolutely nothing for him or his character moving on#like at all#I’d say it fucked with his previous established dislike of killing for his own reasons#and while that COULD be interesting it’s not bc they didn’t do shit with it#and fanon doesn’t do fun shit with it either#nothing about how tim in his most manic state did shit he doesn’t want to remember shit he’d HATE other ppl for#just “’remember what I did to ur base Ra’s? mess with me again and see what I do next 😼’#like ok can you be real and genuine?#anyways I think#AND NOT IN A HATER WAY#Tim would benefit from being humbled#like genuinely I detest the world can’t move without tim running it but the idea that tim thinks that way is so good to me#and#I think next step being him realizing that’s not true would be a BIG push for his character#bc like I said tim Stans are right in the fact that he’s stale as hell rn#but that’s bc there’s nothing to say bc there’s nowhere to go! y’all want a tim action story where he shows off how badass he is reread#the Bruce quest and maybe it’ll remind you he’s not ceo lmao but anyways there’s nothing internal to say about him atp bc nobody wants to#say anything that’s not propping him up. same with Bruce! Gotham war was such a copout but it’s like ppl are saying he’s stale and it’s bc#god forbid he makes a lasting fumble. and I’m not under the illusion this is new I’m just saying it’s weird that fandoms not clocking it#anywayyys I really do like thinking about the No killing rule and how different it manifests for each perosn#like the way each distinct difference tells u so much about them#UGH ONLY SLIGHTLY RELATED BUT DUUUUUKE BEING LIKE IDGAF ABOUT GUNS LIKE UR SO REAAAL#anyways enough tim positivity for today FUCK THAT NIGGA!
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love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me
#ppl always talking about their whatever grade reading level and how many books they’d read as kids and im just over here like🧍🏽#I’ve never been actually bad at english or reading but I couldn’t focus on reading books to save my fucking life#I hated those sheets where you had to read like a certain number of books or whatever over the course of a semester or the year or whatever#my GATE test scores for english were super high but my math was bad enough that I never qualified#and adhd made me not even perform well in English half the time because I couldn’t pay attention I couldn’t read long books I couldn’t turn#in my assignments or if I did they were late and etc etc etc#don’t get me started with math#I was the worst in my class in third grade at minute math and never made it to the levels of minute math my classmates did#(they posted results on the wall for everyone to see)#and in 6th grade I was put into an additional remedial math class#throughout middle-high school I was at the level of most classmates in terms of the classes I took but that’s only because I was not allowe#to fail and was put through absolute fucking hell with a billion tutors and grueling hours of extra work from them and blah blah blah#like I remember how I felt in those tutoring sessions and half the time I actually wanted to cry.#I didn’t start doing solidly genuinely Good in school until senior year of high school.#not coincidentally around the same time I started taking adderall I think#I had accommodations by 9th grade but they didn’t do that much except for the function that let me turn in assignments up to 2 days late#without penalty. which i had teachers question sometimes and i had to pull the Yeah it’s Literally Against The Law to not allow me this car#anyway. point is. i was never in the gate program and most of my friends were and it was mostly adhd related#adhd is considered such a quirky nothing disorder nowadays that I don’t even like mentioning I have it really. because what people think of#when I say the term is Not what i actually dealt with and made school torturous and made my parents lash out at me for things and etc etc#depression and dysphoria did not help either. but I digress#I’m not sure why im making this post#kibumblabs
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